#academia and the lack there of

[sammys-stupid-stories]

5th January 2024

The worst part about getting into Dr. Stone is seeing my past potential squandered.

So many of the fan comics and fics like to use tired troupes to emphasize how smart Senku or Dr. Xeno are. The main occurrence is skipping grades / graduating early. Every time I read those I'm stuck staring at myself and hating what I see because that was me once.

I used to be so fucking smart. I prided myself on being top of my class and having the best grades. I kept jumping into the hardest courses and taking AP classes. I had so much pride in my accomplishments when I was accepted into my high school's early college program. There were like, i don't remember, seven or so of us. A very low number. Only me and one other girl actually stuck with it and finished the program.

...she was the only one of us to graduate with an associates...

I keep trying to remind myself that I was subject to some seriously shitty events during that time that took me away from my studies. Away from my ambitions and any possible future plans. (Future plans I say, as if I wasn't thoroughly convinced that I was going to die as soon as I left school. That's all I had ever been good for. That's all my parents ever needed me for. Bragging rights.) It's hard not to blame it entirely on my family for causing me so much stress. I still remember the videos I made sharing my weekly life with my friend and how often I had to retake them because I would burst into tears over all the small things that piled up.

I chose working dead-end jobs over finishing the last course to complete my degree. I left college as a drop out at the end of the second year. A large chunk of that is because I was asked to walk at the spring ceremony despite not having my last credit. We all figured I'd just get the one class and be on my way at the end of the fall semester that followed. My mother made a big deal out of how it was like lying and how I didn't deserve it. How despite EVERYTHING I had done up to that point: all the tests, the classes, the essays, the awards, the perfect GPA; I was never enough.

I left home after that and some other bullshit about not deserving food if I was never home. How I felt ostracized and forgotten about and how I clung to any freedom I could get. I remember taking over-night shifts and early morning events to cater just so I could stay away from home a little longer. So I could have money to buy step-one-home-necessities for when I finally left.

I remember hiding each dollar-store purchase of cheap plastic cups and cookware in my closet hoping and praying to a deity I didn't believe in that she didn't decide to trash my room looking for reasons to yell at me. To shame and belittle the child who was never enough. I remember the fear of my food stash being discovered or worse yet, the small cut in one of my stuffed animals that hid hundreds of dollars I squirreled away for when I finally could leave.

I remember having a bad fight and an early morning in my car, cold in my car waiting in the back parking lot for classes to begin. Crying myself rotten before a unit final in French and how I blanked during the test. I remember the teacher taking me out to the hall to do the speaking portion and how she showed pitty telling me she knew I was having a hard time and that we could revisit the test later if I needed. I remember crying in my car after failing yet another math test after a different incident.

I remember sitting on the cold bathroom tiles in the middle of the night, sobbing my eyes out as I attempted to end my life...

It's easy to blame everyone and everything for abandoning academia. But now, now I have to live with the pointless existence I survive in. Retail job after retail job. Shitty apartments, bad bosses, repetitive disappointment, and a depression I have never been able to shake.

I want to try again. I want to make something of myself. I want to work towards something amazing.

I like space. I like science even if it's confusing and I can't understand it. I want something where I can observe the universe and live life under an observatory telescope. ...it's a pipe dream but I want to be an astronomer. Or even an astrophysicist. Both seem insane and impossible for the person I've become. I can't even remember names anymore thanks to how bad my depression has ruined my mind.

I want to dream a little. Shut my eyes and think about how I could be in a remote location like the arctic or maybe some unnamed desert in Nevada watching the stars and screens and taking data to send out. That's a life I might actually feel pride in.

how lame am I to take so much inspiration from a random fan comic?

[amaranthdahlia]

rescued

havent posted kudoichi in a while so hve the usual art dump

context for first row is cus i was given the prompt roses with ichinii :> and 3rd pic is a what if kudou/yoichi had swapped eyecolors instead (like in manga canon) and last one is uh. an abandoned piece

[perpetual-enjine]

Enji: On the count of three. We tell each other our deepest darkest desire.

Rei: Ready? One, two, three.

Both: DIVORCE!!!

Enji: Oh my god.

Rei: Holy fuck, thank fuck.

Enji: Get the car keys, I’ll get my wallet.

[jojo-the-bird]

[chiquilines]

Wasnt even sure I'd use this account but i love them too much not to post. Come get your miryumi folks fresh off rarepair hell

[uaravsh]

- Franz Kafka, Letters to Felice

[decarbry]

he means well, he just doesn't understand that this will never work

[epickiya722]

It's shocking (I'm not shocked at all) to see people say Aoyama got off way too light...

They literally muzzled him??? He was a child who was forced into this situation??? And given what's going on, he was still useful against AFO. Like, can everything get settled down first??

[blossoms-and-petrichor]

Oh to be able to live multiple lifespans, watch society devolve and progress and yearn and destroy and create. To be able to have hundreds of careers, to dive deep into the expanses of every field of knowledge including the ones that don't even exist yet. To watch novels turn into classics, to watch artists who were sure they'd be forgotten be held in the memories of culture. To watch languages shift, vowels move like dapples of light across the ocean. To watch the peering eyes of telescopes and microscopes pierce further and further into our understanding of matter, of life, of time. To watch people lose hope and find it again. To watch people fight even when it is difficult and reach forward, stumbling to a better tomorrow. Oh to be able to see the full completeness of nature and humanity. But maybe it's because our lives are so short that each successive generation push forward in learning and growing.

[stuckinapril]

how did u become this productive and academic and cool.. what age did u start..

Built this way babeyyyy

[space-blue]

That one is pretty tame but will still have to go live on Twitter...

[allgremlinart]

I dont like how I can see a lot of people still conflating nakedness/bare skin/their subjective assessment of what constitutes "simple" clothing with a lack of cultural worth, diversity, and complexity.....

[literatureaesthetic]

i think i'm finally back in a fantasy mood :') i could CRY

[fanofflames]

Aaaah, finally got the new Overhaul figure! He’s so beautiful, I can’t believe how detailed he is. The photos don’t do him justice at all.

[nerdy-talks]

Do I have room for more posters? Not really...

Did I purchase more anyway?

Absolutely~

But it's not my fault! I simply can not resist a couple of white-haired, misunderstood, perfect little cuties ;w;

I might take a better picture once I get a frame and actually open/unfold/display these lol

[kitsunefyuu]

Ok these scans are already a 100 times better compared to that original leak. So like I thought that leaker probably just rushed those leaks and lost a lot of certain nuances.

Like it wasn't that Hana was older it was because she was raised well so didn't have any trauma. He chose Tenko because since was just born AFO can orchestrate the trauma for him. To get the hatred and strong emotion he needed.

There also a kind of hollowness in AFO's tone now it not aggressive it dead inside. It hollow as if he is just doing this on autopilot because there is nothing else.

The whole tone of the scan changed and it actually makes me feel more hopeful. Thank god someone new translated! Also Izuku losing his arm's just sad man.