#actually roy is the one trespassing

[trustymikh]

trespassing

[pepsi-maxwell]

more premier league cmjf au, because i watched that ted lasso segment where roy drags jamie out for 4am training and obviously my first thought was these two idiots

first part here

word count: ~1200, rating: t

-

Punk steps out of his car onto a quiet, tree-lined street south of the city centre. He looks up at the house in front of him. Semi-detached in Hale; a typical footballer’s house after graduating from the typical city centre penthouse apartment. Closer to Old Trafford than the Etihad, too, something he makes a mental note of. Punk thinks even he’s closer to the City training grounds than Max is.

There’s a Lamborghini Huracan in City blue on the driveway, as well as a slightly more practical Bentley GT in matte black. He glances inside the Bentley as he walks up towards the doorway, rolling his eyes at the custom plaid check upholstery.

Ugly, tacky, and so incredibly, predictably Maxwell.

He’s aware of the cameras tracking him. Fairly standard fare, but he’s got every right to be here, even when it’s half five in the morning, and the sun is just about considering coming up on what’s no doubt going to be an unseasonably warm September morning.

He makes his way up the three steps to the porch and rings the doorbell, pushing the button again immediately after it’s stopped.

It doesn’t take long for Max to answer.

“What do you want,” he yawns, too over the top to not be put-on.

Punk’s eyes flit down the length of his body critically. Bare chest, silk boxers, ridiculously fluffy slippers matching the ridiculously fluffy Calico rubbing herself between his ankles. Max crouches down, scooping Piper up into his arms with a smirk.

Punk’s gaze travels back up to Max’s face as he taps his wrist.

“Training started half an hour ago, Max. Why aren’t you at the grounds? Do we need to get you a new alarm?”

The grin drops from his face and he looks at Punk like he’s grown an extra head for a moment. “I don’t train before the sun comes up, Punker,” he says, making a one-handed shoo-ing gesture. “So jog on. Go look after the rest of those massive cash-wastes, and on Wednesday night, when you need your star player to come on and score five goals for you, you’re welcome by the way, I’ll be there.”

He moves to shut the door, but Punk moves forward, shoving his foot out to keep it open. “What the fuck are you playing at,” he hisses, kicking at Punk’s shoe as Punk gets his shoulder in the gap, forcing him back until he’s in Max’s foyer, the door slamming shut behind him.

Piper jumps out of his arms and Max stands there, looking on-edge, and nowhere near as confident as he had about thirty seconds ago.

Punk, similarly, feels the frustration drain out of him now that he’s inside Max’s home. Doesn’t know what to do with himself when he’s in the perfectly normal home of the world’s worst-behaved premier league superstar.

“Get out before I call the police for trespassing,” Max says after a moment, his voice strangely thick. There’s a kind of wide-eyed nervousness to him that Punk has never seen before, and it makes him want to push at it, dig his fingers in until Max gives.

“I’ll get out once you agree to get in the car and come to training,” Punk offers, folding his arms across his chest, unimpressed.

“You’re going to make me go to training today, of all days? You know it’s a holy day for my people, don’t you? And you’re gonna make me work? That’s antisemetic of you,” Max tries instead, pouting disapprovingly, but Punk holds his ground.

“And which holy day is that,” he retorts, eyeing Max down while he fishes his phone out of his pocket, ready to search. “Tell me. I’m all ears.”

Max looks away with a frustrated sigh, crossing his arms over his chest defensively, hunching his shoulders to make himself look small. Privately, Punk thinks if the football thing hadn’t worked out, he would have made a great actor. “Look, I didn’t wanna say it in case everyone made a big deal, but… it’s actually my birthday today—”

Punk cuts him off with a shocked burst of laughter.

“Max, you got into a fight in Santorini on your birthday. You made the front page of the Sun, and that was six months ago. It’s closer to my birthday than yours.”

Max rolls his eyes and yawns again, loud and obnoxious, making no attempt to cover it. “Mazel tov. Why don’t you take the day off as well, go do something about those ugly bags under your eyes.”

Punk runs his tongue across his lips. It’s a subconscious motion because he’s only had one coffee this morning and he’s parched, dying for a second, but more interesting is the way Max’s half-lidded, half-awake gaze zeroes in on his mouth with a sudden alertness.

It’s not the first time Max has reacted to him in an... interesting way. Punk’s composing quite the list of occurrences in his head, even if he has no idea of what he’s actually going to use it for yet.

Bribery isn’t entirely off the menu right now.

There’s a split second where he debates offering Max a handjob as incentive, but whatever reason Max has for looking at him the way he does sometimes, he thinks that they’re probably not at that stage yet.

“Actually, I had another thing in mind. My birthday present from my biggest fan,” Punk says, with a nasty smile of his own as he takes a step towards him. Max gives him a baleful glare, backing up into the kitchen. “You get in my car and come to training, right now.”

“I don’t need to,” Max hisses. “Already told you, most goals scored in a single season, won the treble—what the fuck are you pulling that face for,” he adds when Punk tuts sympathetically.

“Domestic treble,” Punk corrects, relishing in the ugly twist of Max’s expression in response. “I know you don’t give a shit about the Carabao cup, Max. There’s only one treble you care about, and that’s… god, who was it who won that? Back in 99? It’s on the tip of my tongue—”

There are hands crumpling the lapels of his club jacket, shoving him against the wall, knocking the wind out of him.

It takes him by surprise, if only because he didn’t think Max would have plucked up the courage to lay hands on him already.

It sends a frisson of excitement down his spine. Max is a global name now, bigger than Punk, perhaps, and yet Punk still has this kind of effect on him. He can mould him, he thinks. He can train him into something perfect, somebody completely unstoppable.

Punk holds his hands up, palms facing out. “Come to training, Max,” he murmurs as persuasively as he can. “You want that European cup win? You want to be part of the first English team to win the domestic and the continental treble?”

He can feel Max’s breath fanning across his face, uneven and frustrated. Sees his pupils dilate even as his eyes narrow.

Max shoves him harder against the wall, pushing himself away. He storms off up the stairs, slamming doors, stomping around loud enough to wake the neighbours. Piper, oblivious, rubs her face against his shin and he scratches behind her ears until she purrs.

Two minutes later, he shoulders past Punk in full kit, football boots in hand, swiping his keys off the hook by the door.

Punk follows him out in silence, unable to hide his smile.

[autobot2001]

Hide and Kill

Author: Autobot2001 Genre: Fanfiction Fandom: Multiple slasher movies or an AU. Not sure how to label this. Rating: T Warning: Killing, blood Pairing: None Description: Three intruding teens gives the slashers and Jamie the idea of a fun game. @febuwhump Day 11; alt 8; killing game

A peaceful night for six slashers and Jamie is ruined as she senses three trespassers. “Let’s have fun with them,” Billy smiles, “a nice game of hide and seek. Whoever finds a trespasser gets to kill them.” Jamie doesn’t protest the idea. The seven decide to circle the three trespassers and tell them about the game before letting the three hide.

“We shouldn’t be here.” “Oh shut up, wimp.” “You don’t know the story about this house, Troy?” “Really, my twin brother believes that stupid story?” “Actually, I do too.” “Really, Rex? I’m surrounded by wimps!” “Who are you calling a wimp?!” Someone yells from behind the three. The three turn around, seeing seven people who heard the conversation. They know who all but one of them are. “Fuck, it’s him and six others,” Rex panics. “We might let you three live,” one of the Ghostfaces says, “let’s play hide and kill. What time is it?” “Ten-thirty,” Troy answers. “All right, punks, here’s the game,” Freddy says, “you have two minutes to hide. Then we have twenty-five minutes to find and kill you. If any of you survive the thirty minutes, you get to leave.” The three know they have no choice. They agree and run. As the seven wait five minutes, the six slashers argue Jamie can not use her powers. They all wonder if Jamie will actually kill if she finds one of the teens.

It’s not long before each teen is found by a slasher who loves the chase their target is making them do. Each of the teens runs by another slasher.

Eventually, the three teens find themselves by a cliff and surrounded. “Now, pick who dies,” Billy tells them. Troy looks at his twin brother who got them in this mess. “Kill him.” “What?! Me?!” “You got us into this mess, Roy!” Troy argues. Roy lunges towards Jamie and makes the two fall off the cliff. “Shit,” Stu worries. Michael smiles under his mask. Remembering Jamie can fly.

It’s not long before they all see Jamie holding on to Roy by his hoodie. “Don’t drop me!” Roy panics. “You’ll die another way,” she reminds him but throws Roy onto the ground by Michael’s feet. “No, please don’t kill me,” Roy begs. Michael slashes Roy’s throat, watching the life fade from him. Rex and Troy are mortified but know they can’t run. The six slashers contemplate keeping the two teens prisoners or killing them. They wait for Jamie to tell them to let the two go, but she says nothing. The decision is the two are prisoners for now.

(I think this will eventually be in a story and improved)

[alketaire]

Oh fuck S17 trailer up early

Dan and I watched it again frame-by-frame so lots of screenshots and bullshit under the cut

hey calus, uh. your suns are looking pretty sick. no, no it’s not a compliment, take those things to the vet or something

but more importantly: see that thing at the top of frame? that’s the HELM. WE HAVE LIFTOFF, BAYBEE

Leviathan’s fucked, yeah. Pretty much every shot in the trailer is some recognizable part of the raids, but egrespored to hell and full of wee nightmares.

Like so.

Scorn bodies all over the trailer. Not a lot of Loyalists, but they’re still around.

Scorn portals, too. And still plenty of Calusbots. Gonna be disappointed if those nightmares don’t possess the bots and make them wiggle their fingers spookily or something.

Why wasn’t Caiatl invited to the weegee board session? Rude.

Seasonal artifact spotted. Hive magic rituals inside the Leviathan while surrounded by Calus’s Crown-of-Sorrow-fied Scorn...

New glaive? 10/10. New STASIS TRACE RIFLE? 15/10. Trespasser comeback? Nice/10. New Ghost shells? NICE/10. Seasonal armor? Scale broke, please call maintenance crew. /10.

Is - is that his -

she looks so COOL

Speaking of looking cool

Possible people Caiatl’s Nightmare could be: - Calus, who is ”““““alive”“““““ and doesn’t wear armor like that - Ghaul, who does wear armor like that but I feel like was way bigger than Caiatl sees him here? - Umun’Arath, who we have no fuckin’ clue what she looks like, this could be her, fuck who knows

Is there some “become the Nightmare” aspect to this story or is it “he is also his own Nightmare” because either way I am DOWN

oh hey Uldren, still got the boots

Dan was confused and delighted to see the Menagerie guns coming back, e.g. Epicurean on the left. Looks like a new auto in the middle and CALUS Mini-Tool on the right?

As a professional bonk Titan, I lost my shit. Given this is the first time we’ve seen animation of a Titan catching the hammer, Dan and I came up with two different ideas. Dan’s: you now have to catch the hammer mid-air to get the full melee charge back (i.e., if it hits the ground and you pick it up there, you only get half the charge or something). Mine: Fuck it, bonkerang.

Cutting edge Hunter tech: two Tripmines taped together. This looks fun as hell.

Beloved is back, get ready to Crucible

That is a GREAT activity rally flag, also please yes more rally flags

Did they actually change the way the maul looks, or do I just never see it from this angle?

I have only played Voidstalker, can a Hunter main verify whether “stab ground, give buff” is new or not?

ngl feeling like I am going to fucking elope with this subclass rework. LOOKIDAT.

HEY WARLOCKS, WHO’S YOUR FAVOURITE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST CHARACTER? I’LL PRETEND YOU SAID ROY MUSTANG. YOU’RE ROY MUSTANG NOW.

FUCK.

YEAH.

Here’s where Dan reached peak ????? because:

I never got Trespasser in D1, but Dan’s excited, so I am, too.

That ship is so gorgeous that it has to be from either Eververse or PVP. :(

Leviathan Underbelly my beloved and everyone else’s detested

Is that armor Iron Banner, Eververse, or Solstice? Season preview site says Eververse set? Also oh no Caiatl having even more of a bad time :(

the FUCK is THAT about. i literally got nothing here, what the shit is the Hellmouth doing now

Also, the clouds on Earth look like a Dreg yelling while he gives you the finger if you look long enough

Looks like that’s an event-specific flaming scythe of looking insanely cool rather than a class-specific one

Confirmed: Uldren, Zavala’s dead wife, and Crown of Sorrow. Not confirmed: whether Caiatl’s nightmare is Ghaul or Umun’Arath. Looking pretty Ghaulish there, though.

[mspenelopelane]

Jess’ POV of “Nobody is Ever Missing” from Chapter 16 of “The Desert”

She called for the car at nine a.m. and made the short journey up to Eastnor Castle. Along the winding drive, she noticed a black SUV driving in the opposite direction and felt an involuntary drop in her stomach. Jess blinked once and squinted her eyes slightly.

For years, she had honed that skill—the skill to find Kendall from a distance, in a crowd, across the room—to alert him of breaking news, a stock price drop, a terror threat, a lunch delivery—and her eyes focused. As the cars passed one another, she saw a figure, hunched and alone, in the backseat of the SUV. She waved a little, confused, but he either did not see or—did he ignore it? Was it even him? It didn’t even make any sense. A relative, maybe. She must’ve been mistaken.

           She turned and looked in the rear window as the SUV grew smaller in her view. Jess whipped back around and jabbed at her phone. Kendall’s phone went straight to voicemail. She called again. And again. But no answer.

           As the car neared the castle, Jess hopped out, making the rest of the journey on foot as usual, and dug into her bag to look for the key card, but she reminded herself that she’d left it in the room. How was she to get in…?

           She crept to the side door. Kendall was not waiting.

           “Dammit,” she whispered as she stepped back.

           There was a crunching underfoot. Jess brought her attention down to the ground and saw broken glass. The strange feeling in her stomach intensified. Had that glass been there the whole time?

           She ran back around to the front entrance, thinking of the unattended office equipment in the sitting room. Where was Stewy? There was no time to call him now; the computers’ security was now at risk. Did Kendall take the computers with him wherever he may have been going? Was there an email she had missed? Was that even him in the car? Jess racked her brain; the image was too brief. She felt like she couldn’t trust her own senses.

           Jess took a deep breath and walked up the front entrance. It seemed people were still eating breakfast, but some were milling about the great hall. Jess steeled herself and tried to make a beeline for the stairs to make it up to the room without drawing attention.

           “And there’s his Girl Friday,” she heard a voice behind her as her foot hit the first step.

           Jess spun around and found Roman Roy delicately deconstructing the pickle-onion-celery garnish from the Bloody Mary he was holding in his hand.

           “Where is—”

           “Oh, you’re looking for Mr. Brightside?” Roman crunched into a cornichon, “yeah, he’s gone.”

           “Gone—What—”

           “Yup,” he sighed, “back to rehab. Perfect timing, too—with everything. Motherfucker.”

           Roman turned to go, and then spoke over his shoulder as he went back for a second helping of eggy pegs, “don’t bother picking him up this time. Just fucking leave him there.”

           Jess stood on the stair for a moment, feeling a sob well in her chest. She held the back of her hand to her mouth to suppress it before continuing upstairs.

           “Ms. Jordan,” another voice, this time softer, came from behind her.

           Jess stopped and a chill overtook her. Before she could even turn around, she knew who it was.

           “Come with me,” Colin said.

           Jess followed him obediently to the front entrance, sucking in her tears so her face would be dry when she looked at him.

           “I just need to get up to Mr. Roy’s room and retrieve some items—” Jess said quietly.

           “We can’t let you do that.”

           “I work for Kendall Roy—”

           “I am aware of that,” Colin took a step toward her, knowing what he was doing. Jess did not step back, “but right now, you are not a guest of Ms. Roy or Mr. Wambsgans, and you are trespassing.”

The words seemed to hiss through the hall and a few guests, all white, turned and looked at Jess. She swallowed once and looked around. The reminder was loud and clear: she had been allowed there for a while, but Colin had made it clear that she did not belong.

           The power that Colin wielded over her was familiar, but infuriating. There would be no getting the computers. There would be no finding out where Kendall actually was.

“Ms. Jordan,” he repeated in an even voice as he towered over her, “I’m going to have to ask you to sign—”

           Jess was shocked, but cut in, “I’m not signing anything without a lawyer present.”

           “Very well,” Colin was cool, “ but I need you to answer some questions as well.”

           “No, I’m not answering anything,” she countered, the hair on her neck rising.

           “Then you need to leave.”

            Jess, incandescent with silent anger as Colin went back to make a report to Logan, shook her head and went out. Once across the moat, her breathing steadied, but she allowed herself a moment to stomp her feet against the frozen ground as she let out a strangled growl of frustration.

           “Um—” yet another voice behind her, “ma’am? Are—are you in distress?”

           She spun around, slightly mortified someone had been witness to her mini breakdown.

           “Oh!” Greg exclaimed as he recognized her, pointing to her with the cigarette between his fingers, “you’re—um—Kendall’s—are you OK?”

           Jess gave him an imperceptible nod and turned back around. She took a yoga breath to get centered and collected herself enough to call…Stewy.

           “Where’s Kendall?” he blurted into the phone when he picked up, “he’s not answering.”

           “I don’t know—I was hoping you would,” she fired back as she began marching down the long drive.

           “Um—OK--,” Stewy thought for a moment, “come meet me—I’m at the…Deer Cottage-whatever-the-fuck—”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25585159/chapters/62092366

CHAPTER 19 drops this weekend!

[excuseme-howdareyou]

Birthday Prompt: Jason

@redhoodrage

They did it again. And by 'they', he meant Bruce.

Jason didn't know if he wanted to curse, sigh, or blow up the damn thing. Maybe all three? Either way, the fancy wrapped box sitting in front of his door, done up in shiny gray paper and yellow ribbon was doing way to much to fuel his anger. And the little tag on top, with just a 'B', was a bit much.

He just got off patrol, and all he wanted to do was go home, sleep for ten hours, eat his weight in chili dogs when he woke up, and enjoy an entirely Bat-free day all to himself. Was that too much to ask? So with a grumble and a glare, he nudged the box (probably full of something stupid and expensive and fancy) with his foot a good couple feet to the right.

Once the box was out of the way, Jason unlocked his front door and stepped inside. He left the present sitting outside in the hallway.

A minute later, his door opened back up again and his arm reached out. A yellow sticky note with the word "FREE" was slapped on top, then he retreated back into his apartment.

.........................................

Jason was a light sleeper. He knew this. His friends knew this. Everyone knew this. So who in their right mind would break into his apartment at 4am, when he's only had two hours of sleep, and much more likely to blow someone's head off?!

Cassandra Cain. That's who.

Cassandra and her idiotic girlfriend Stephanie Brown. If Jason didn't have such respect for Cass, he would've called them the Dumbass Duo. But that nickname was reserved for Dick Grayson and Wally West. So it was just Cassandra and the Dumbass.

Cass was the only one skilled enough to get into his apartment at 4AM. Steph was the only one dumb enough to actually do it.

"Fuck off!" Jason roared at them, leaping out of bed with the knives he kept under his pillow for exactly this kind of trespassing. Cass silently caught the knife he threw at her face, but Steph eeped and ducked at the next one that came flying at her.

"Whoa, hey!" she yelled, ducking down behind his dresser," We come in peace!"

Upon realizing that they weren't ninjas/assassins/monsters/Untitled sent to kill him, Jason lowered the third projectile in his hand (his trusty laser-sharpened hunting knife) but did not put it down. "What," he breathed in deep, trying to blink the green away from his eyes," the fuck are you two doing here?"

Cass, still in her all black suit and really not making Jason feel all that better about the two of them breaking into his place in the middle of the night, hauled Steph out from her hiding place. "Umm, happy birthday?" the blonde laughed nervously and held up a purple gift bag. From... somewhere, Cass produced a matching gift bag in pastel pink.

Jason could only stare incredulously at the two of them. "Get out..." he whispered.

Steph blinked," But aren't you gonna-"

"GET OUT!" he roared at them.

They left, leaving the presents on the dresser.

Once they were out of sight, and Jason wasn't seeing as much Lazarus green, he took a couple deep breaths. Then he grabbed the two gift bags, walked up to the window which they exited out through-

-and from the 21st floor, dropped both bags out the window and slammed it shut.

...............................................

"Well of course he kicked you guys out!" Duke groaned, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm," What kind of crazy...and at 4 in the.... did it just not occur to you that breaking into someone's bedroom in the dead of night is just kinda this side of creepy?"

Both Cass and Steph had the decency to look ashamed.

"We wanted to be the first ones to wish him happy birthday," came Steph's explanation," He hasn't... I don't think he's had a birthday since he was put six feet under and dug his way back out."

Not exactly a tactful way to say it, especially on such a sensitive matter, but... well she wasn't wrong.

"And it's Alfred's birthday too," Duke murmured thoughtfully," Didn't they use to celebrate their birthdays together or something?"

From across the room, Tim piped up," They used to bake cakes together."

A contemplative silence fell over the room. "No," Tim deadpanned," You're not gonna succeed in whatever you're thinking."

"I didn't say anything!" Steph protested.

"But you were thinking it."

"Thinking what?" of course, Dick chose that moment to walk in, rubbing his wet hair with a towel.

"It's Jason's birthday and Steph and Cass tried to give him a present but he refused to accept it," Duke told him, as it didn't even occur to him to not mention the elephant in the room to the man who loved elephants more than anything.

At the words 'Jason's birthday', Dick froze and his eyes lit up. At the word 'present', a devious smile spread over his face.

"Dick, No," Tim directed his glare over to him.

"Dick, yes!" said man just grinned all the wider," It's Little Wing's birthday, we should celebrate it!"

The energy in the room now sufficiently reignited, both he and Steph smiled widely and bounced ideas off each other.

"Birthday party?"

"Nah, too big. Family dinner?"

"We could make both him and Alfred matching cakes."

"I've already got them both presents."

"So did we. But... Jason threw ours out the window."

"He did what?"

"Well can you blame him?" Tim sighed," Jason's not gonna come to a birthday dinner here at the Manor, Dick." He tried to explain, and wow it was really hard to explain this to a man who looked too much like a kicked puppy," He hates it here, you know that." Jason had made it plenty and obviously clear anytime he was forced to so much as come near the place.

"And he's not going to accept any gifts you guys give him. It's Jason. He's paranoid and temperamental and he's not going to trust anything that comes from us."

Dick thought a moment, rubbing his chin in deep contemplation. Tim didn't like that look. "So you're saying..." Dick hummed thoughtfully," ...that Jason will only accept a gift from someone he trusts? Someone he actually, truly considers family?"

'Oh no,' was all Tim had time to think before both Dick and Steph exclaimed," Challenge accepted!"

"Challenge?"

Oh no, Tim thought again as Damian descended down the stairs with an intrigued expression on his face. "What challenge?" Damian demanded.

................................

Jason straight up buried his head under his pillow when there was a persistant knocking at his door. 'Go away,' he pleaded and tried to fall back asleep,' I'm not here.'

"I know you're in there,  Jason!" came Dick's voice from out in the hallway," You can't hide in there forever!"

'I can, and I will,' Jason grumbled and rolled over.

The knocking continued.

"Fuck off, Dick!" he yelled.

"No, it's your birthday and we're going to celebrate!" came Dick's reply," Now open up or I'm going to come in whether you like it or not."

There was no answer, so Dick waited all of three minutes before picking the lock. (Took a couple minutes more though. Little Wing was getting good at arming electrified locks)

The apartment was empty when he got inside.

.....................................

The day was hot and muggy and Jason loved it. Gotham would probably never feel as warm as the tropics (except during heat waves, but even then those were just uncomfortable) but he liked the warm and if it was sunny and warm, Jason could be found outside soaking it in.

Annoying, persistent Bats aside, not a bad day for his birthday. Last night he'd successfully taken down a small drug ring, got a couple messages on his phone from Roy and Kori wishing him happy birthday, and the Joker was locked up in Arkham. Now all that was missing was-

-Jason stopped dead in his tracks.

Tim Drake stood in front of Jason's favorite hot dog cart, where the owner made the best chili-dogs, with an almost expectant expression his face.

Part of Jason -a large part- wanted to spin on his heel and just march away from Tim and his stupid face and everything else Bat. But his stomach was protesting loudly and he mentally swore at Dick because he hadn't had a chance to grab breakfast before fleeing out his own bedroom window.

"I hate you," he hissed as he passed Tim entirely to get him some chili-dogs.

Tim didn't look too upset about it. "Mmhmm," he hummed, as if didn't believe a word Jason said. "So who's all harassed you so far?" he asked.

"Including you?" Jason added with a glare," Dick, Cass, Steph, and Bruce."

That last one seemed to surprise the brat. "Bruce stopped by to see you already?" he blinked," I thought he was still asleep."

Jason took a bite of one of his three chili-dogs ('The best chili dogs in town.') and very purposely didn't offer one to Tim. "Left a present on my doorstep," he answered and walked away. Tim, the asshole, kept in step with him. Though Jason took a little glee in the fact that for every one of his steps, Tiny Tim had to take two.

"What'd he get you?" Tim asked, genuinely curious," It's always something stupidly practical and mission-related. Last year he got Dick a thermal insulated Nightwing suit with built in heaters."

Jason shrugged. "Dunno. I put a ‘free’ sticker on it and left it outside." So yeah, that had definitely been taken by some stranger already.

"And I heard you threw Cass and Steph's presents out the window."

Finishing off the last of his first chili-dog, Jason turned and gave Tim the stink eye. "And if you try to do anything for my birthday, I'm gonna throw you out the window."

Tim just scoffed; not like it would be the first time. "Sorry, you're not on my list of 'People I Buy Presents For'," he replied," But I suppose I do have some kind of birthday gift for you..."

At Jason's groan of despair and annoyance, he couldn't help but laugh. "Just a warning, you drama queen," Tim added," Dick and Steph sorta... made it into a competition..."

"What kind of competition?"

"The kind where everyone in the family is going to try and get you to accept a birthday gift. The first one you accept is the winner, and you've officially come back into the fold."

"....Fuck."

..........................................

"I hear it's your birthday, ya big lug."

Great. Now he's being harassed while out grocery shopping. Clutching his basket of food closer, Jason prayed for patience before turning around and looking at Harper Row. "Whoever told you that was lying," he said.

Harper looked like she couldn't decide if she wanted to laugh or scoff. "I'll be sure to tell Alfred that," she snarked back and ouch- She really knew where to hit him hard. "Anyways, I already gave Alfred his gift, so..." she held out a little red box with a white bow on top.

"Happy birthday."

Now, Jason didn't mind Harper. Not really. They never really hung out or talked, and as far as Jason knew she hadn't really done anything to piss him off. Hell, she wasn't even a Robin which went miles in his book. But then Tim's warning this morning about the competition rang through his head and Jason would be damned before he lets anyone of the Batfamily think he's one of them.

So without a word, he took the box out of her hand (she seemed genuinely surprised at that) then turned right around and found a little kid about 5 standing a little bit down the aisle.

"Happy birthday, buddy," he smiled widely at the little boy and held out the box," Here's a gift from the Red Hood, okay?" The little boy, staring up at him with wide awed eyes, clutched the red present to his chest before running off yelling," Mommy! The Red Hood gave me a present!"

Jason sauntered off out of the aisle -wouldn't do to have the mom come back and find him- with Harper on his heels.

"You know there was a taser in there, right?" she asked skeptically.

......................................

"Here."

Well, it wasn't the rudest way in which someone's shoved something in his face, but it was pretty far up there. Damian 'Demon Brat' Wayne looked like he'd be anywhere else when he sat down on the city bus with Jason and held out a perfectly wrapped present.

Jason Todd never thought he'd see the day in which Damian would willingly ride public transportation.

"Nope," he said, largely ignoring the present being shoved in his face.

The scowl on the kid's face was highly amusing though. "Just accept the damn gift," he snarled at him.

"Language," Jason found himself retorting before really realizing it," And I'm not taking it. I know about your guys' stupid contest and I'm not having any part of it."

Damian was oddly silent.

Incensed, Jason's scowl was even more impressive. "You guys seriously think you can just buy me back with some stupid things on my birthday and pretend like the past nine years hasn't happened? I know Dick's an idiot, but I expected better of the rest of you."

Damian still didn't say anything and for five city blocks, their bus ride continued in silence.

When they came to the next bus stop, the brat stood up and walked off without another word. 'Huh, not even an argument for once?' Jason thought. It was odd, for sure, but he decided to count his blessings and not dwell on it.

.......................................

All he saw was a hint of yellow, a smidgen of black...

...and the instant Jason saw Signal drop down in front of him, he threw a brick at his head.

.......................................

There was another box sitting in front of his door when he got home. This time, it was big and bright and blue. He didn't even have to look at the tag to know it came from Dick. He sighed, a put upon sigh that rattled down to his bones, and nudged the box away from his door with his foot, just like he'd done for Bruce's.

It was large and bright and had it been just a square foot bigger, he would've half expected Dick Grayson to have squeezed himself inside only to pop out with a confetti gun like some kind of smiley jack-in-the-box.

He really wouldn't put it past Dick.

So he dug his grocery receipt out of his pocket and a marker. And just like he did for Bruce's, he wrote FREE on the back of the paper, shoved it under the ribbon so it wouldn't blow away, and left it there in the hallway.

....................................

Inside his apartment is....

Well, the first thing Jason noticed was the smell of something herbal and sweet. He knew that smell. And he knew for a fact he didn't have any Oolong tea in his cupboards.

"Ah, I see you've returned with groceries, Master Jason," came Alfred's voice from the kitchen," I hope you remembered to get milk. It would appear you are out."

Wide eyed, confused, and just a little bit apprehensive, Jason stepped into his own kitchen. And yep, he wasn't hallucinating. There was Alfred, black suit and all, with a pot of water boiling on the stove, Jason's tea pot sitting on the counter, and a mug of tea in his hands.

Also spread out on the counter was a number of baking ingredients such as flour and sugar.

Jason set his bags down on the table, staring at Alfred. "What..." his voice squeaked and he cleared his throat," What are you doing here, Alfred?"

"It's my birthday, and I have the day off," Alfred answered in his usual no-nonsense tone, as if Jason had asked him what the weather was like outside. Then he poured some tea into another mug that Jason hadn't even realized was there. "Tea?" he held it out to him.

Still baffled, but he did love Alfred's Oolong tea, and well... he did love Alfred, Jason silently took the cup from him.

Alfred waited until Jason took his first long sip before saying," Happy birthday, Master Jason."

"Not you too!" Jason groaned.

There was a smile on Alfred's face as he sipped his own tea before setting the cup down on the counter. "Do you know why I'm here, Master Jason?" he asked. Alfred apparently decided to busy himself with unbagging Jason's groceries while said man tried to come up with an answer.

"Because you're in on this competition too?" he guessed sourly.

Pulling out the milk and a couple cans of soup, Alfred replied succintly," Because what I want for my birthday is to spend the day with my grandson on his own birthday."

..."I'm not really your grandson," Jason mumbled into his tea. His face was red and he felt warm and cozy inside, but he tried to not let it go to his head. He wasn't really Alfred's family. He wasn't really anybody's family. Family's not exactly his forte and time has proven multiple times that Jason Todd's never really been good at the whole thing.

Alfred shot him a look like he wanted to prove him wrong. "And do you know why everyone is insisting on giving you birthday gifts?" he asked instead.

"Because they want to win the contest?"

"Yes and no."

Great, a cryptic answer. Jason's favorite.

"Because they're a bunch of competetive fools who are bored out of their minds, so Dick and Steph came up with this stupid contest that will occupy them for a day, then everyone will go on with their lives like today never happened," Jason haphazarded a guess.

Alfred very nearly rolled his eyes, but they lit up in surprise when he pulled something unexpected out of one of the grocery bags. "Hello, what is this?"

It was a little white box with yellow ribbon, professionally wrapped, and Jason recognized it immediately. "That little brat!" he exclaimed," He must've snuck it into my bag on the bus!"

That would finally explain why Damian left without a fight.

With the knowing little twinkle back in his eye, Alfred set the present down and turned to Jason. "They want to celebrate your birthday because they care, Master Jason," he finally said," Yes, there are sadly few in this family who are any good at actually talking to each other, but you must understand that everyone, Master Bruce especially, do things for each other because it's the only way they can show that they care."

Jason opened his mouth to argue, but didn't dare interrupt Alfred. "They try to give you gifts because they know you won't accept an invitation to a family dinner," Alfred continued," Master Bruce gives practical gifts because he wants all of you to be safe. Master Dick gives hugs because to him, physical contact is how he shows his love. Master Tim doesn't get gifts for people, but he will set aside time to spend with those he cares for. And for this..." He held up Damian's little gift," While yes there is a competition going on, Master Damian snuck this into your bag not because he wanted to win some silly challenge, but because he simply wanted you to have it."

"But even more importantly, you must know this: What is the reward at the end of this contest?"

Significantly cowed, Jason sipped his tea and thought. He never really thought of it in that way. That other people showed the way they cared in different ways.

But it was still a hard pill to swallow.

"Bragging rights?" he replied, more of a quiet question than an answer.

But even still, Alfred smiled at him," No my dear boy. They get you. That's why they try so hard, because they want you know you're still part of the family."

[bebbie-the-hufflepuff]

Saint Rouges.

Day 2: Gift Giving.

Strolling into his safe house Len stopped dead at the sight before him. Mark Mardon, Roy Bivolo, and Mick Rory sat around the table playing cards. Hartley Rathaway, Axel Walker, and Lisa Snart sat on the floor some paper in front of them along with several markers. With a sight jump Len glared at the newly appeared Shawna Baez who just smiled before dumping more art supplies on the floor.

"Do I want to know?" Len questioned.

"Kid still believes in Santa." Mick grunted.

"You fought Fair godmother. Not a huge stretch too assume Saint Nicholas is out there." Lisa hissed with a icy glare. "Besides there's nothing wrong with Axel having a healthy imagination."

"Hints the letters." Mark deadpanned with a shrug. "Though it would be really shitty if the old geezer was real."

"Why?" Shawna asked sitting beside Lisa.

"Saint Dick never showed at any of my group homes." Mark said throwing his cards down. " I'm out. Or my actual home now that I think about it."

"Mine either. My parents believe if you want anything in life it can be bought and I could not use their money." Hartley stated in a bored tone.

"Wow y'all all had shitty parents."

"You are not wrong Boo." Lisa laughed. "My dad use to give me cookware reminding me women are only good got housework and pushing out bratty children."

"You're terrible at housework!" Shawna remarked giggling.

"Told you he was a shitty father."

"Ok that it. Let's go." Len commanded slamming a map on the table. "Lisa put that CDL license to use and get a truck for me. Mick take the twins-"

"Please stop calling Axel my twin." Hartley complained earning himself a glaze from Len.

"Mark, Shawna fence anything not bolted down. I'll be back in an hour."

Len then headed to his bike weaving his was through traffic making his way towards the CCPD. Parking his bike in a allyway he snuck by the guard and up to Barry Allen's office. Booting up the desk top he typed in the password, printing out the files he needed making sure. To ensure Barry never found him trespassing Len erased the history logs then used the window for his escape.

Once back at the safe house he check over the truck Lisa liberated and the stacks of cash covering the table.

"This should do nicely. Now we'll split up to ensure we miss no one." Len said handing each team part of the files.

"Are we seriously about to do this Snart?" Mark inquired looking over his list.

"You can leave whenever."

"Nah I'm in. Just making sure this won't hurt my cred."

"No one will ever find out." Len locked eyes making sure the Rouges understood this is one job no one will take credit for. "Let's get started. We only have two days before Christmas."

****************************

"In other words several report of break-ins have been reported but with a twist. In stead of taking the valuables it seem the thief left gifts behind." The new caster reported.

"Do you think it was the same people who brought out several stores?" Caitlin asked glancing around at team flash.

"Must be but I couldn't find any videos of them at the stores or breaking into any houses." Cisco replied shrugging. "Maybe it was a real life Santa."

"Whoever they are they made ever underprivileged kid feel special. Plus they can't be all bad they did give the kids a Flash action figures on top of everything else they wanted or needed." Barry said smiling adding a reminder in his phone to change his work PC password. Barry thanked the power that be that he kept Thawne's hiden cameras after all staring out the picture of Len Snart in his office just a few days ago.

[leelee0535]

Old list of M!A’s I’ve got

Sight: Muse is blind for ___

Slave: Muse becomes a maid or butler to _______ (Anon decides) for 24 hours

Toradora!: If the character is a girl, she’ll be turned into a small tiger. If it’s a boy, he’ll be turned into a dragon, for three hours.

Stuttering: You have an irresistibly cute stutter for the next _____

Little Bird: For ____, you have cute little wings. No, not big enough to fly. Yes, big enough that you might need to cut holes in your shirt.

Wingardium Leviosa!: Muse grows wings. (Or if Muse has wings, they disappear.)

Red: Muse is easily flustered and skittish. Anon decides for how long. S-senpai noticed m-m-me!

Chibi: Stuck as a chibi- adorable, but only 2'4’’ in height…

Mood: Your eyes now change in accordance with your mood, good luck hiding your emotions now. Lasts 2 days.

Pins and Needles: Muse feel as if someone is sticking needles in them for 2 hours.(for summer or winter)

Flustered: When Muse sees, (anon chooses), Muse will stutter, blush, and act like a complete klutz around the so called individual, for 3 hours.

Time Rewind: Your muse can now harness the power to change one event in their life. If you don’t choose within 24 hours your choice is lost.

Sin: Put this and one of the seven sins in muse’s ask box, and they’ll be consumed by it for five days. Gluttony, lust, pride, envy, greed, sloth, and wrath. Pick your poison~

Thunder: It’s raining outside and your muse is stuck inside with ___ (anon’s choice) and when the power goes out they cuddle to keep warm.

Working Class Punx: PAINT THE STREETS IN GLITTER AND BLOOD!

Gundam Tanaka: Animals seem to have strange and extreme affections towards you.

Forced transformation: your muse gets forced to transform to a dragon who is unable to control themself

Today’s cerberus: the muse now has two other minds in their head. One very perky and cheery and the other takes on all your muses weaknesses. When one takes over your muses form changes.

Lean On Me: With the help of ___ (anon’s choice) your muse will get through something that scared them (the anon can specify or leave it up to the mun) for 3 hours.

Wait: Muse is promised their greatest wish if they can wait, but they cannot interact with the person they love while they do. Anon decides how long it lasts.

Sensory Deprivation: You’ve just lost one of your five senses. Oh no! Anon specifies which you lose.

Alohamora!: Muse is locked away in a place specified by Anon until rescued or until specified time.

Glamour: Muse thinks they are a famous celebrity or royalty for any duration the anon chooses up to one week. It’s simply fabulous darling~

Loss: My muse loses the ability to speak or communicate in any fashion. Not even a pen and paper does them any good.

Pretty Please: My Character must grant favours of anyone who asks. So long as they say please. (Anon decides duration)

Angel: Muse is and angel for ___

Sick as a Dog: Muse is ill for 24 hours (Anon specifies symptoms).

Cough: Muse will be ill for 14 Hours

Kuroshitsuji: You’ll be someone’s butler/maid. (please specify who, it can be anyone!)

Code Geass: You can read and control people’s thoughts for 24 hours.

Chaos: It’s a mad house! A mad house I say! Muse’s personality gets flipped backwards for three days. The timid turn mighty, the charismatic turn into downers, and straight Say

characters get to kiss a girl/boy and like it.

Say You’ll Haunt Me: Muse is a ghost, whom can only be seen if they want to be. Lasts 24 hours.

Technologic: Muse is turned into a robot.

Detective Conan: For 12 hours, you look like you’re seven years old, but you have the same memories, personality, etc. that you always have.

Chained to You: Physically, you are chained to (anon decides) for _____ long. Include chain leeway (length).

Plant: Anything muse touches will grow vines and flowers on it for __

Pyro: Anything muse touches will set aflame for __

Kimblee: Muse can now cause explosions just by touching something.

Scar: With one hand, the muse can create things. With the other, the muse can destroy things.

Artificial Heart: The muse no longer feels emotions- no pain, no anger, no rage. They simply become an apathetic shell. Can be broken early if something strong enough manages to break their “emotional inhibitor.”

Ibuki Mioda: You are very cheerful and speak in third person.

Power: With the snap of your fingers you can summon anything you want. This lasts for 8 hours.

Breathe: Muse is a mermaid/merman for three days, and can’t breathe above water. Under the sea~

Eyes: Muse has lost their depth perception and balance for 24 hours. I can’t see straight!

Caffeine: Muse is EXTREMELY hyper for __

Hearing: Muse is deaf for ___

I’m Melting!: Muse cannot stop bleeding from the mouth, nose, or eyes (anon’s choice). Muse cannot pass out from blood loss.

Answer: Muse will have to answer anything that is asked of him/her truthfully, lasts 4 hours

Nice Guys Finish Last: If you’re a nice guy, now you’re bad. If you’re a bad guy, you’re now nice. If you’re somewhere in the middle, you’re now a fuckin’ cat.

Dream: Muse is able to trespass in the dreams and nightmares of others for 48 hours

Gold: Everything my muse touches turns to gold. However, once the spell ends, everything turns back to normal. Affects living beings as well.

Compulsion: Muse has OCD for ___ (anon decides primary source of obsession [number, cleanliness, etc])

Pet: Me-OW! Muse is turned into an animal of some kind for three days.

Eat: Muse get’s the stomach flu, and is unable to eat without being forced to vomit it back up again for three days. I don’t feel so hot.

Child: Do you know where my Mommy is? Muse turns into a toddler for a week.

Thunder: It’s raining outside and your muse is stuck inside with ___ (anon’s choice) and when the power goes out they cuddle to keep warm

Flaming Youth: Muse is rebellious and easily angered for 8 hours.

17 Again: Muse is in his/her 17 year old form.

Mei Chang: Muse is now a princess.

Howl: You are now a werewolf, and sugar, it’s full moon. Have fun with that.

Sensory Deprivation: You’ve just lost one of your five senses. Oh no! Anon specifies which you lose.

Fire: For 24 hours you can control the element of fire.

Water: For 24 hours you can control the element of water.

Earth: For 24 hours you can control the element of earth.

Air: For 24 hours you can control the element of air.

Shaking Hands: Muse is suddenly freezing cold and can’t stop shivering for (Anon specifies time).

Phobia: Muse is terribly afraid of something or someone (Anon specifies)

Compulsion: Muse has OCD for ___ (anon decides primary source of obsession [number, clenliness, etc])

Winter: Ice burn! Muse is now lost in a snow storm and must survive for three days!

Bed: Muse now has narcolepsy and falls asleep at random for three days.

Nighty night!

Return: Someone from Muse’s past comes back. I missed you!

Edward: Two of the muse’s limbs are turned into metal prosthetics.

Alphonse: Muse is locked into a suit of armour… And their body is nowhere to be found.

Winry: Muse becomes very skilled at making and fixing things.

Roy: Muse can create fires with just a snap of their fingers.

Hohenheim: Muse is immortal. If muse is already immortal, then they will hear voices of their lost loved ones.

AU: Muse is stuck in an Alternate Universe with little recollection of their own universe for a whole week

Bed: Muse now has narcolepsy and falls asleep at random for three days.

Nighty night!

Call: Muse is suddenly feral and acts like wild animal. Alternatively, they actually become a wild animal.Anon decides for how long. It’s the call of the wild

[lessonsfrommadamexmas]

30 from the prompt list with Riza and Roy

Thank you! For prompt 30 - just remember, if we get in trouble, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English. 

Jesus Christ, this turned out huge! 2k words alert. I hope it’s not boring. I changed English to Amestrian, ‘cause, you know, not sure what language Amestrian people speak but probably not English. ;) 

- - - -

As a state located next to the desert, the East had the hottest summer in Amestris. The days could often be uncomfortable while the nights were pleasant, with cooler temperatures and occasional rain. Riza didn’t like summer because she had to face a long walk to school in the morning and return when the sun was up high. Today, however, the weather was not unbearable, and the girl was surprised by her father’s apprentice waiting for her after class. 

Mr. Mustang had started his alchemy lessons a couple of months ago, and so far he’s only spent the weekends in her house. It was an initial test her father required to see how a student would adapt. However, it seemed that her father’s interest in the boy was growing, for this time Mr. Mustang came to spend the week. Considering that the sixteen-year-old was always in the house and constantly studying, and considering that he had only been outside when he followed her to the lake nearby and the grocery store, she didn’t expect him to pick her up in school by himself. Even if the path leading there was a straight line. 

When asked, the boy said his master suggested he went out to enjoy the day and taught him the way. Riza concluded her father had also noticed how energetic the boy was, and how a place dull and quiet like theirs didn’t offer a city boy enough stimulus. 

— Hey, have you been to that cascade somewhere close to your home? Maybe a mile away  — he asked when they deviated from a dense tree standing in the way.

 She tried unsuccessfully to decipher what he was talking about. 

— There’s nothing like that on our way home. Besides, we’re already about a mile away. 

 — Then we must be close! — he replied, scanning his surroundings. — It may not be an exact mile, and it’s not literally on our way, it’s in the forest. But I saw it, I’ll show you. 

 — Okay, but what about it?

 — I’ve never been to one. 

 — Neither have I — she realized. 

 — You haven’t? But it’s right there! — His frown showed disbelief. 

 — I’ve been to the stream, it’s close to school, so I think the cascade you’re talking about may come from it. However, that would be in Mr. Swanson’s area... — she concluded. 

 — Mr. Swanson? Does everybody in this town have an animal in their names? 

 Riza stared in deep thought into nothingness for a second.

 — The Franklins don’t.

 — We should go take a look, what do you say? — he suggested excitedly.

 — Don’t you get it? We’re not allowed to trespass. 

— Why? 

 — It’s a private property. Mr. Swanson is an evil man. He will surely call the police on us. 

 — An evil man? — he smirked, clearly mocking her. 

 — I swear he is! I heard he controls two dogs that could tear a person apart. — she insisted nervously. 

 — He wouldn’t kill two kids, would him? I thought water bodies were nature’s property. — Mr. Mustang sighed. — C’mmon, I’m sure he won’t coincidentally find us if we just stay for a while. He won’t even know. But if we get in trouble, just remember, you’re deaf, and I don’t speak Amestrian. 

 She giggled. 

 — You kind of look like you could be a foreigner. 

 — My mother was a Xingese princess.

 — Really? 

 — No! — he laughed. — Not quite. Come on!

 There were still several things she didn’t know about the alchemy student. This was the first time they were spending actual time together, instead of the brief exchanges of word they often had and a few attempts to talk coming from the boy. Riza wasn’t good at conversation, so she always ruined it with her short replies. On the other hand, Mr. Mustang seemed to have a natural ability to draw people in, like someone who was willing to befriend everyone he met, even an aloof kid like her. 

 She wasn’t supposed to trust him so fast, but she already did. Her father trusted him enough to leave them alone, and even if there was any doubt left in her, she knew she had the upper hand. That was her town and he had proven to be a dumb city boy. Dumb and curious enough to reach places she had never considered before. Riza wanted to try that, too. And to be his friend. 

 Riza knew her town very well. Like the palm of her hand, she would say. She walked a few miles everyday to school and back ever since she was a little kid. Her mother and father homeschooled her until six, but her mother always said that it was important for her to get out there and make friends. Once the woman passed, her father no longer had the energy to teach her, so he sent her to school. 

 Thus, the girl knew every path and most properties located on her surroundings. It was often that she strained from her path to explore, aware that it didn’t make a difference to her dad whether she arrived half or a full hour later than usual. Yet, she had never crossed a private property. She had never tried to see up close the ducklings following their mothers across the lakes or the tree houses behind the fences. Nor Mr. Swanson’s cascade.  

 Roy crossed the fence but waited for her to lead the way. It seemed he recognized he could learn something from her. They walked for a few minutes, keeping the cascade in sight until it was fully visible. 

 — It surprises me that you’re worried about coming here. I mean, you’re twelve and you walk miles by yourself to go to school. Isn’t that dangerous? — he asked, as if reading her mind.

 — That’s different from doing prohibited stuff. Besides, I have my slingshot to protect myself. — she said confidently. 

 The cascade was only about 25 feet tall, but gorgeous. Several rocks created a stairway, challenging the water to flow down aggressively before it found peace once more in shallow ground and continued its journey. On the margins, the trees all branched towards the translucent surface, like they bowed humbly to their provider. The sultry scent was amplified in that spot, but the streams added freshness to the mix. That might be Riza’s favorite smell.

 — I thought this remote place would be so boring, but I guess I was wrong. 

 He seemed amazed. 

 — Nature can never be boring, Mr. Mustang. Not when you see it from an insider’s point-of-view. 

 — Right… One is all…

 The girl could barely hear his whisper or see the realization on his face, as she took advantage of his distraction to kneel down and splash water on him. 

 — What are you doing? — he shouted annoyed before a grin appeared in his mouth. — I’ll get you! 

 — I’m not afraid of water! — she shouted, crossing the stream to the other side, feeling the water on her ankles. 

 To her surprise, he followed behind without a blink, so she continued to follow a trail in the woods. 

 Nevertheless, she didn’t go far. Old man Swanson was at a distance, with both his dogs by his side. The man’s eyebrows dug their way down his long nose and his sharp mouth curved in contempt.

 — What are you two troublemakers doing here? — he shouted as soon as he spotted them. — I’ll call the police on you and don’t think you’re gonna get off easy just because you’re kids! 

 Riza waved her arms fearfully and started to move her hands in very specific ways, mixing her poor knowledge of sign language with random shapes. She wondered if the boy was willing to play the game he had proposed, because she was about to put up with the best act of her life. 

 Her answer came the next second, as he started to speak in a language that might be Xingese after all:

 — I… love you? — She had no idea what meaning his words carried, but he made them sound confused and desperate. — I love you so much! 

 — What the hell kinda language is that?! GET OUT OF HERE! OUT!

 They were counting on that to disarm the man and buy some time, but it didn’t last long. Mr. Swanson was taking none of it. Instead, he sent both his dogs in their direction. Was he truly willing to attack, or only to scary them? Riza had no time to wait and see. She ran without looking back. Swiftly, the girl tried to put as much distance between herself and that furious dog, she kept running with a grin from ear to ear, feeling more rebellious than she had ever been. 

 Until the only stomps against the dirt came from her own feet. 

 Caught up in the moment and feeling the adrenaline in her veins, it took her too long to realize Mr. Mustang wasn’t following her anymore. 

 — Mr. Mustang? — she called, looking around in all directions, all of them, even up in the trees, for a sign of him. — Not funny. 

 The whistle of leaves caressed by the afternoon breeze was the only response she got. She could spot the fence a few feet ahead of her. The boy had long legs. He was probably there already, awaiting and playing a prank on her. 

 — Mr. Mustang! — she shouted as loud as she could, running back to the road and hoping he could still hear her bustle. — Mr. Mustang, I’m here! 

 Not a sight of him.

 Riza wondered if he had run in the opposite direction, or if the old man had caught him. The second option was starting to feel inviting. Roy knew nothing about the country, he wouldn’t be fine by himself in a forest.

 She stopped on the road and waited for several minutes, attentive to every move, shouting his name every other time. 

 The girl heard the hiss of boots against grass coming from the curve on the road. She turned her head to the right and called for her father’s apprentice once again, unable to wait. 

 — Mr. Mustang! Finally, you…

 It wasn’t him, however. A man appeared with a curious look on his face, apparently searching for the source of the unexpected call. He was tall and ginger, and his sharp eyebrows gave him a menacing look. The only family of gingers she knew around were the Haddocks, and he wasn’t one of them. Although that path would lead to their house.  

 — What is a little girl doing all by herself in the middle of the road? Are you lost? 

 He didn’t seem malicious, the girl thought, but she wasn’t allowed to trust strangers in any scenario. Thus, Riza grabbed her slingshot and slipped one hand into her pocket in search for the pebbles she kept there. 

 — Just waiting for my friend. We’re going to hunt some birds, you know? — she said, nonchalantly pointing her weapon at the man’s lower body. 

 — Hey, careful where you point that — he replied through a nervous laughter. — I plan to have more kids one day. But I wouldn’t want my girls alone in a desert place like this, so watch out.  

 — I am, sir — she said, still with her weapon in hand.

 He waved and walked away. He seemed like a nice guy, after all, and she urged to ask him for help. On the other hand, she had already found herself enough problems for a day and didn’t plan to disobey her father any further. Besides, if the man was a visitor, he would be as helpful as going back home and telling her father everything. 

 Roy Mustang, if you’re making a fool of me, I’ll kill you. 

 It was decided, she would return. There wasn’t much she could do in the moment, but more importantly, there was absolutely no way he wouldn’t find his way back to the cascade. Even if he was dumb enough to run the opposite direction, it couldn’t be so hard to come across the stream again. And her house was only half a mile away. 

 There was also a chance Mr. Swanson caught him but what was the worst that could happen? His dogs eat him alive? For now, she would ignore that possibility. The old man would also be in trouble if he killed a kid. Instead, he would likely call the police, which was probably deserved, since Mr. Mustang coerced her to invade a private property. 

 Yes, no mercy for him. As Riza’s footsteps hurried, raising dust on the midday hot air, she thought of the smug look of someone who shouldn’t be underestimated the boy would be wearing when she opened the door. She plotted her revenge. She could slap the smirk out of his face, or she could take him to the lake someday and throw him in there, considering he couldn’t swim. 

 Her mind didn’t have time to reach grimmer depths before she reached the old place she called home. 

 — Dad, is Mr. Mustang with you? — the daughter shouted eagerly before she looked into the room. 

 - - - - 

Humm, what about I just leave it hanging like that? I never write cliffhangers, so this time I decided to give it a try, leave it to the reader’s imagination to decide if this would have a humorous or angsty outcome. Do I know what happens next? Yes. Am I gonna write it? I won’t make promises. 

[catgluue]

Chapter Two: Mortal/Immortal

I’m a day late but still trucking along! 

Read on AO3

Chapter One: Coincidence

Chapter Two: Mortal/Immortal

“You’re going to be okay? Living here alone with him?”

“Of course,” Riza all but scoffed, a mannerism she had picked up from Roy - Mr. Mustang when her father was around. She didn’t know for sure that she would be okay, but at fourteen she was so different from the kid she’d been when Roy had come to study under her father. She was like a plant who had  finally gotten to spend time in the sun. She’d flourished in his presence, and she would miss him.

“You’ll write to me, right?” He looked bashful, hopeful. She couldn’t quite place when he had gone from awkward and gangly to boyishly handsome. For that matter she didn’t know when she had gone from compact and sure-footed to awkward and gangly but here she was. Suddenly the gangly one.

“Lots,” she promised, holding out her hand and hoping it wasn’t sweaty. Instead he wrapped her in a tight hug that she returned hesitantly; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been hugged.

“Oh and stay out of my room,” he joked. “I expect it to be waiting for me just as I left it when I come visit.”

He did come visit, years later, in time to help her plan a funeral, but he’d slept on the couch, as though not to venture further into her life than the sitting room. When she told him, somewhat self-consciously, that his room as ready for him he’d told her he didn’t want to intrude.

-x-

Riza entertains the idea of sleeping in her childhood bed for about five minutes, standing anxiously in the upstairs hallway by the huge window they had never gotten curtains for, before going to sleep on the couch in the sitting room. The fire she set earlier is crackling away, and shadows dance across the walls. She stops at the bottom of the stairs for a moment, breathless, feeling as though she’s been transported through time. She can almost see a scrawny fifteen-year-old Roy Mustang setting up the checkers board, alchemy textbooks piled high on the coffee table.

But she is alone. There are no alchemy textbooks, no checkers, and no Roy Mustang. Not yet, anyhow. She’s glad, not for the first time, that the General is accomplished at letting people only see the parts of him he wants to be visible. If any of their team guess at their shared past here in this house Riza knows that she personally will never hear the end of it.

She settles into the couch and stares into the fire, muscles taut with nerves. Something about being back here feels like floating in a void, in a place untouched by time, existing somehow outside the mortal coil. She remembers how living here before, sometimes she would feel like the one who was haunting the old house, too incorporeal to be real but too solid to fully float away.

Riza wakes on the couch in horror to find that it’s at least mid-morning and someone is knocking at the door. Blearily she grabs her sidearm off the coffee table, and creeps towards the front door. Halfway there she realizes it’s probably just the team but she’s been through too much not to stand on tiptoe to peer through the peephole before lowering her gun and opening the door.

“Nice place,” Breda tells her, leaning to look past her. “Sure you want to sell it? Fix it up a little and this could be a great place to retire.” Riza moves aside to let him pass, followed by Fuery whose arms are full of equipment. Havoc is nowhere to be seen, but the General walks up, hands in his pockets, with an impossible-to-read expression.

Impossible for most people, anyway.

“You slept on the couch,” he says quietly, peering around her into the sitting room. “How are you doing?”

“Fine, sir,” she says in a clipped tone, reminding him with a glance that he’s never been here before. “I’ve gotten a lot done since yesterday.” Havoc appears finally, striding around the side of the building.

“I couldn’t find much, boss,” he tells them. “There’s a few tracks around the northwest side, and some tampering with the window, but that’s about it. Hey Hawkeye,” he gives her a nod. “Really nice landscaping.” He shoulders the duffel bag he clearly left on the porch and heads inside. Riza gives her superior office another significant look, then turns and walks inside and to take stock of the chaos that had immediately befallen her house.

“Well I’m going into town,” she announces. “Just as soon as I change. I want to speak to the mayor about what he saw here.”

“I’ll go too,” the General announces. “You could use a second set of eyes and it won’t be the first time we’ve pretended to be a married couple.” she rolls her eyes but everyone seems to take this in stride.

“I’ll get a wiretap going and see what I can find out,” Fuery tells them.

“I think I should go alone,” Riza tries to give Roy a significant look but he’s carefully examining the contents of a china cabinet. “There’s no evidence of foul play apart from a tampered window. It might even just have been some kids from the town trying to get into what they thought was an abandoned house. And there���s certainly no reason to pretend to be married . This isn’t Aerugo.”

“Couldn’t hurt,” Roy says, picking up a teacup and turning it over.  

“I don’t know,” Breda says slowly, still looking around the room. “Your father was an alchemist, right? But he never worked for the state-”

“How do you know that?” she asks, probably sharper than she means to.

“We did our due diligence,” Mustang replies, finally meeting her eyes.

“Which means,” Breda continues, “either he didn’t qualify because his research wasn’t enough to impress them, or he simply wasn’t interested in working for the military. Understandable,” he shrugs. “My biggest question is why Grumman sent us here - the pattern seems to be this individual - or group - going after   state alchemists exclusively.”

“Exactly,” Fuery chimes in, busily setting up what looked to be a great deal of equipment on the dining room table. “So it looks like, for whatever reason, the state’s had their eye on your father for a while, Captain.”  

“I remember them sending scouts to try and recruit him,” Riza says, and this much is true; however the last scout was years before her father ever decided to take on an apprentice. “But as far as I know his research is all destroyed now. I made sure to see to that after his death.” Also technically true. Havoc shrugs.

“It’s weird but the whole thing is weird; what do they plan to do with incomplete research?” he wonders out loud. Riza is already heading for the staircase to go change and almost misses the General’s quiet reply.

“Maybe they’re trying to solve the equations.”

-x-

The walk into town is almost painfully familiar. She walked this way every day to school for years, occasionally with Mustang to walk her home afterwards, chattering the whole time about a new transmutation or new theory or asking her what she’d learned. He was very good at talking then, just as he is now, pointing out a particular type of tree lining the path as they approach the town and he reaches out to lace his fingers through hers in a motion so natural that she doesn’t notice at first. She just has to give a sidelong glance to get an apologetic grin back.

“We’re undercover,” he tells her.

“Which I still think is unnecessary,” she reminds him, but leaves her hand in his as they walk through town. It’s changed, as she noted on her walk from the train station. There are more buildings, more houses closer to the center of town. Further off she can see the old schoolhouse - that building looks exactly the same. “I could have done this just as well on my own. Maybe better,” she considers, “ You might get recognized and that’s bound to be awkward for everyone involved.” He shrugs at this.

“It’s not a bad story. I studied under your father, left for the military, you followed, and now we’re married and selling the old house. Hardly unbelievable.”

“No,” she says slowly. “Not unbelievable.” It could have been reality, she thinks, had a butterfly flapped its wings at the right time.

Seemig to read her mind, as usual, he lifts their joined hands and quickly presses a kiss to the back of hers as they approach what passes for a town hall in Werthem, and she ignores the blush she can feel creeping up her neck. His touch makes her feel human, solid, not like a shade haunting the manor where she grew up but a flesh-and-blood human.

The receptionist directs them to what is really the only office in the place, but the door opens as Riza is about to knock, and she finds herself face to face with Ernst. He looks vaguely familiar, as do many of the people in town.

“Are you the mayor?” she asks anyway, holding her hand. “Riza Hawkeye. I got your letter.” The man looks between her and Roy for a moment.

“Ah… which letter was this?” he asks, and she falters.

“You wrote to tell me that trespassers were spotted on the property,” she reminds him. Surely he can’t be that busy. The town is miniscule and from the bustle of the office he looks like he has plenty of help. Roy looks to be bored but she knows he’s actually taking in all the details of the office.

“See honey, I told you it wasn’t that serious. There’s nothing in the house anyone would even want to take, unless they’re into ornamental spoons.”

“I apologize, Miss Hawkeye,” Ernst says with a shrug, donning his hat. “While it’s nice to have you - and your ...husband?”

“Fiance,” Roy corrects, settling an arm around Riza’s shoulders.

“-in town,” the mayor continues, “I didn’t write you. Terribly sorry for any confusion.”

-x-

“Well that was pointless,” Riza laments as they walk back up the road to the manor, having stopped in the market to buy groceries. It was reminiscent of the many times they did so as teens, although this time instead of generally being more of a nuisance than a help, Roy seemed to enjoy himself, strolling through the sunlit streets, her arm looped through his as she filled a basket - her old shopping basket, actually - with produce.

“Not entirely,” he replies. “The mayor was clearly lying, and while I’m not sure why I think we can safely say there was money involved.”

“And what makes you think that?”

“His hat for one thing. His jacket for another. Both brand new, and the suit was tailored, which I know for a fact isn’t cheap.” She snorts at this.

“Says the man who would rather buy nice suits than furniture.”

“Priorities, Captain,” he says. “I think Ernst might just be our man.”

-x-

She’s still resentful of the intrusion, but by evening the air in the house seems lighter, the voices of her comrades chasing away the spectres that seemed to lurk in the corners of her vision. They’ve stopped working for the night, and she can hear them laughing and chatting over a bottle of wine Breda found somewhere in the kitchen. Riza stands at the end of the hallway, looking at the double doors that lead to the study.

This is ridiculous, she thinks, and pushes the door open.

The metal was cold against her skin, the blanket between her and the table barely giving her any protection. It was in contrast to the burning pain that seared her shoulder blades. She had agreed to guard her father’s research but now she was beginning to think better of it. She’d planned on guarding a notebook, maybe, or even burying research notes somewhere in a weatherproof box.

This would be, her father told her, much more secure.

There it is, the metal work table where she spent much of the fall the year after Mustang left for the military. It’s smaller now than in the nightmares she had for years afterwards. She walks forward, touches it. All that trouble, she thinks, and the tattoo was destroyed not even five years later. All that trouble to ensure the secret of flame alchemy survived and here she was, still wishing its keeping had never fallen into her hands.

-x-

Chapter Three: Flashover

[queenofcats17]

BATIM Inktober 18

The 18th Sacrifice!, so I had to get some of that Sammy flavor in there. But I didn’t want to make it outright Sammy. So I did Acolyte!Cordelia and Joshua. 

Joshua belongs to Gears112

She owed Sammy Lawrence her life. He’d dragged her from the ink, reminded her who she was. He protected her from the dangers of the studio, the Angel, the Butcher Gang. She would do anything for him. So why was she hesitating now? They’d caught a new trespasser, Sammy knocking him out and tying him up. He’d told Cordelia to deal with the interloper. The underlying message was clear. The man was to be a sacrifice for their Lord. Sammy was hoping things would go better this time around. Their attempt to sacrifice the traitor Henry hadn’t gone over too well with Bendy. Sammy hadn’t died, none of them could die, but his ink had been dispersed for a time. It had taken forever for him to reform after that. They’d decided Bendy had been angry that they’d tried to deal with him themselves. Henry was Bendy’s to destroy. This one seemed like a random person who’d wandered in. And Sammy had told her he didn’t recognize the man at all.

She’d sacrificed trespassers before. It shouldn’t have been a problem. But when she saw the man’s face, she faltered. There was something familiar about his features. She stood in front of him, the ax at her side. She reached out, tracing the patterns inked on his skin. Where had she seen him before? It certainly hadn’t been at the studio. She didn’t remember much, but she was pretty sure Joey had a ‘no tattoo’ policy. Still, the man’s tattoos were beautiful. Whoever had done them obviously had a great deal of artistic skill.

“Who are you?” She whispered, leaning in close. To her surprise, the man’s eyes snapped open and he pressed his lips to hers. Her immediate instinct was to shriek, to pull away. But she didn’t. She could feel a warmth swelling in her chest. Kissing him felt like coming home. Like she was safe.

“I missed you.” He said when he pulled away. Cordelia was left stunned, unable to conjure up words. But she knew one thing. Whoever this man was, she’d missed him too. He smiled fondly at her, seeming completely at ease despite being tied to a post. She wracked her brain for a name to put to the face. She knew him. She had to. Finally, a name surfaced.

“Joshua?”

“You remembered my name.” Joshua’s smile widened. “Henry said you seemed pretty out of it when he was here. I was honestly a little scared you were actually going to sacrifice me.”

“W-Who’s to say I won’t?” Cordelia felt her face beginning to heat up as she stumbled back. “My prophet says you’re to be a sacrifice! A tithe to appease our Lord!” She wanted to deny these surfacing feelings. She knew who she was! Didn’t she?

Joshua snorted. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. He never did like me.”

“Wait, he knows you?” Sammy had told her he didn’t know the trespasser. He wouldn’t have lied to her. They didn’t lie to each other.

“Well, he knows of me,” Joshua said. “I don’t think we’ve ever actually talked other than the times he cornered me to try and intimidate me out of dating you. Apparently, I’m a ‘bad influence’.” Cordelia couldn’t help but giggle a little. That did sound like Sammy. He could be so overprotective sometimes.

“Would you mind untying me?” Joshua asked. “I mean, I don’t mind BDSM, but I’d rather not do it while we’re in a hell studio populated by ink creatures.” Cordelia blushed, making a small embarrassed noise.

“You’re lucky Sammy’s not here.” She huffed as she started to untie him. “He’d yell at you for bringing up such ‘impure’ subjects.”

“It’s not my fault he makes it so easy to get a rise out of him.” Joshua chuckled. Cordelia sighed and shook her head. This felt…good. Talking with him like this, it felt familiar. Vague memories were beginning to surface. Memories of going places with him, holding his hand, trying to convince Sammy not to kill him on sight.

“It’s good to see you.” Joshua took her hands in his, or tried to. She didn’t exactly have hands anymore. He took the goopy appendages in his hands at the very least.

“Is…Is Roy okay?” She asked quietly. If Joshua knew her, then he had to know Roy.

“He’s…Been better.” Joshua replied hesitantly. “He’s really worried and he misses you a lot.”

“He’s not by himself, is he?”

“No. I don’t know if you remember Chris, but he’s been helping Roy through this.” Joshua assured her. “He’s not alone.” Cordelia nodded, letting out a small sigh of relief. She’d been so worried.

“But I know he’d like to see you again,” Joshua added. “I came here to get you back and I’m not going to leave without you.” Cordelia seemed to consider this for a moment or two before quietly asking,

“Can we…Can we bring Sammy with us?”

“Sure. Nancy’d probably like to see him again. Although he probably won’t be happy about having to travel with me.”

“He’ll get over it,” Cordelia replied without missing a beat. Joshua laughed and shook his head.

“Yeah. I guess he will.”

[vegajoyce]

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Cat Pee Coffee

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[plusorminuscongress]

New story in Politics from Time: Judge Allows Accused Mar-a-Lago Intruder to Be Her Own Attorney

(FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla.) — A Chinese woman charged with illegally entering President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort will be allowed to act as her own attorney, a judge ruled Tuesday after strenuously trying to talk her out of it as she struggled with legal concepts and spoken English.

U.S. District Judge Roy Altman found Yujing Zhang to be competent and intelligent, granting her request to fire her public defenders and be her own lawyer, as is her legal right. But he also ordered her attorneys to remain on standby, sit in the gallery at all hearings, assist if she requests help and resume their roles if she finds the task too difficult and changes her mind.

Zhang, a 33-year-old Shanghai business consultant, has pleaded not guilty to charges of trespassing March 30 at Mar-a-Lago and lying to Secret Service agents when they confronted her. They say she was carrying a computer, cellphones and other electronics and had additional gear and significant cash in her hotel room, but she has not been charged with espionage. Zhang faces up to six years in prison and $250,000 in fines if convicted. She is being held without bond.

“I think she is making a very bad decision, but I also think the decision is her own decision,” Altman said.

The judge did his best during the hourlong hearing to dissuade Zhang, but she said she had studied Chinese law for a few months several years ago and has done some reading on American law since her arrest. U.S. attorneys typically attend law school for three years and must pass a bar exam. They usually then work with experienced lawyers before trying cases on their own.

Zhang, dressed in a gray jail jumpsuit with her arms and legs shackled, also insisted that the hearing be conducted without a Mandarin translator, but she struggled at times with the English language, such as when she failed to recognize that “counselor” is a synonym for lawyer. Still, she repeatedly told Altman she understood him. For his part, Altman repeated himself when it seemed he had doubts.

Altman covered step-by-step how a trial would be conducted: with jury selection, opening statements and closing arguments; witnesses questioned and cross-examined; and evidence presented. He showed her the 3-inch-thick (8-centimeter-thick) books governing jury instructions and sentencing. He warned there are complicated rules governing each area. She would have to follow them, Altman told her, and it would be up to her to object when prosecutors didn’t. He said he would not be able to help her.

“I can work it out,” she replied.

Daniel Pontet—APIn this April 15, 2019, file court sketch, Yujing Zhang, left, a Chinese woman charged with lying to illegally enter President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago club, listens during a hearing in West Palm Beach, Fla.

He seemed to surprise her when he told her that prosecutors would give her all the evidence they expected to use to prove her guilt, along with any evidence they have that might show her innocence. “The government will provide me both the good things and the bad things?” she asked.

“Isn’t it an amazing system?” he replied. “That’s their obligation under the law.”

Giving Zhang one last chance to change her mind, Altman pointed out that her public defenders, Kristy Militello and Robert Adler, are good attorneys and had already done some excellent work on her behalf. And they are free, he said. “You will sit by yourself,” he told her. She stood firm.

When Altman demoted Militello and Adler to standby status, they moved into the gallery, two rows behind Zhang. Altman ordered them to provide Zhang with law books. He told Zhang to study the books and to read and examine the evidence. As the hearing ended, the judge set a trial date of Aug. 19, telling Zhang she had two months to prepare. She asked if that date could be changed. Altman said maybe; did she need more time than that?

Zhang said no; she might actually want the trial to start next month.

Altman said to let him know.

By TERRY SPENCER / AP on June 12, 2019 at 07:57AM

[aworldfullofmuseshasmoved]

Connections; Rex

Roy Howard: Roy Howard is Rex’s father and the Alpha of their pack. Roy’s great-grandfather first founded the settlement in Alberta, Canada where the Howard’s reside in the woods, crowning himself as the leader and passing down the title to his direct descendants. Roy upholds tradition, training and mentoring his only son from a young age so that Rex may one day be Alpha. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been as easy as he believed it would. Roy genuinely loves his son and does want the best for him, however he truly feels that the following the path of his predecessors is what is best for him - as well as for the benefit of the pack. (FC: Kim Coates)

Carolyn (Carol-lynn) Howard nee Snyder: Carolyn was born the youngest of three daughters, her father a Beta in the Howard pack. Carolyn was arranged to marry Roy Howard, becoming his mate and the Alpha Mother of the pack. Despite their relationship being rocky in the beginning, with Carolyn upset that she was being forced to marry rather than find her own love, the arranged couple eventually did develop genuine feelings for each other and vowed to make it work - and not just for the sake of the pack. Carolyn gave birth to the only child she and Roy would have; Roy named their son Rex, the Latin word for King. Carolyn loves her son with all of her heart; though she understands the destiny that has been set for him, she wishes to see her son walk his own path, that’s what she believes is best for him. Carolyn is a devoted wife and mate to Roy and usually stands by the decisions he makes - however, that doesn’t mean she won’t stand against him for any reason when she doesn’t believe he’s doing something right. He may be the Alpha, but she’s the Alpha Mother and holds just as much authority within the pack. She, too, has a duty to protect her family, even from Roy himself. (FC: Carrie Anne Moss)

Samson “Sammy” Delgado: Sammy grew up within the community, though he was not actually born there. Sammy’s parents were a part of a different pack that resided in territory not very far from the Howards; Sammy was three when his parents were killed by hunters and the scared little pup was found by Roy after the Alpha went to investigate the rumor of trespassing on his portion of the land. Roy took the orphan back to his community where he was cared for by Carolyn, as well as other female members of the pack. Sammy and Rex became best friends the moment they met and their bond only got stronger as they both grew, eventually considering themselves to be brothers. Sammy is one of the two pack pups in Rex’s childhood that are fiercely loyal to him and have his back no matter what. (FC: Tyler Posey)

Lane Bartlett: The wild child son of a Howard pack member, Lane was outcast among the other pups because of his mischief attitude. The pup couldn’t make friends easily because he would always pull a prank on them that they didn’t find funny and after a while his behavior simply got very annoying; not even Roy could take his antics for very long. Because of his constant misbehavior, Lane’s family was almost kicked out of the community, however Rex convinced his father to let them stay, telling him that - basically - he would be responsible for Lane and would keep him out of trouble. The fright of nearly losing his home combined with the actions of the Omega set Lane straight and he began to behave better than he had before. Rex’s persuasion put Lane in his debt, one that he was happy to repay as he felt that Rex had saved him, in his words, a shitstorm. (FC: Daniel Sharman)

[bleedingcoffee42]

Prompt: sarcastic al or ed with "stop interrupting my existential crisis" ? Or legit teen agnst in the middle of the military hq

 (Yup, screwing with canon because I want Hughes to live.)  

“Can you two clarify….never mind” Roy just slapped the report file shut and threw it in the trashcan and made a show of getting his glove on and snapping as Ed watched.   “You know what?  Just get out your crayons and write another little fairy tale about serial killers and sins and we’ll try this again tomorrow.”

Ed gasped.   His report!  Burning!  His DRAWINGS!  “What…the FUCK MUSTANG!”

“I know, what kind of fairy tales did you grow up hearing?”  Hughes took a vase off the shelf, handed Riza the flowers and whispered ‘Roses are red, Uniforms are Blue, Roy’s good in bed and he loves you too. ’ before using the water in the vase to put out the small trash fire.  He then set the vase down and sat on the edge of the desk.  

“I wrote that on the train! It took hours to write!”  Ed stammered.  His report…gone.  “Like hell I’m writing another.”

“You want me to tell the Fuhrer that you broke into a secret lab, were attacked by monsters and supposedly dead convicts and then escaped as the building collapsed?”  Roy asked.  “That you were not actually the reason for the extensive property damage, despite your trespassing and breaking and entering?”

“It’s the truth!” Ed snapped.  “And if you want better you can write it yourself asshole!”

“The Fuhrer was moved by the drawings.”  Al said and the Colonel turned to him and cocked his head.

“You….showed him your drawings?”  Roy asked and then looked at Hughes.  “You let them?”

Hughes shrugged.  “He brought melon.”

“What?” Roy took off his glove and slapped it in the drawer before slamming it shut.  “What the hell is wrong with all of you?  Do any of you think?”

“I’m thinking about kicking your ass.”  Ed growled.

“I’m thinking about Barry and what he said about…alchemy creating memories.  How maybe I’m just….artificial and not a soul at all.  Just lost.” Al said and hung his head. “A creation of alchemy.”

“I’m thinking about making another kid with Gracia, hopefully Riza’s thinking about how much fun it would be to do that with you.”  Hughes swung his leg and then leaned back and gave Roy an apologetic half-smile.   “I really tried damage control.  Ed was telling Armstrong and I about the people he met in the lab and in walks the Fuhrer with a melon.   He…saw the drawings and got very….emotional.  Told Ed to stop looking.  So naturally I wanted to escort the boys here to make sure they didn’t step in something deep.”

“What’s this about Barry?”  Ed said.  

“He just…presented me with a different perspective.”  Al replied.

“He’s a murder.  He’s not to be trusted.” Ed turned to his brother, ignoring the lost report.  

“Like I said, perspective.   I know you have good intentions and he clearly has bad intentions, which is why I listened because we both know Truth is multi-dimensional.” Al said.

“Whatever he said to you was to gain the upper hand…you know that.” Ed countered.

“Stop interrupting my existential crisis!” Al snapped and stood up.  “He was like me.  A soul trapped in a suit of armor as a punishment for his sin.  An experiment.  What are we?  We’re not human, we’re not dead…we’re a product of alchemy.  I’m no longer unique and he has seen what happens when seals deteriorate and bodies that were once one try to erase an abomination created by alchemy.   How long before Scar comes to obliterate me, like he did Nina, out of pity?”

The room was silent and the awkward air hung over them along with the acrid smell of the burnt paperwork wafting from the trash.   Riza finally stepped forward and slapped the flowers into Hughes’s face before dropping them into his arms, a punishment for his out of line comments.   Hughes would make this situation worse by being a Dad the boys were too old for and Roy would compound it by being the adult the boys were not old enough for.  Al needed to answer his own nagging questions and she knew exactly how to do it.   “Perhaps you should ask Scar yourself.   There have been rumors of him feeding stray cats in the market district and the Colonel and I were planning to check it out this afternoon.   Would you like to accompany us?”

Roy glanced over at Riza, she had a plan.   It was to separate the brothers and let Al enjoy life a little by playing with cats.  Something humane….something human.  Well played, Lieutenant.  “We could use your help Al.  People will be more inclined to talk to you since you are not military.”

“I want to get out of this stinking office anyhow.” Ed stood and grabbed his coat.  “Got a score to settle….”

“I said Alphonse.   You have a report to write.”  Roy stood up and opened his desk drawer to grab his gloves and anything else valuable he didn’t want Ed or Hughes confiscating.  “Hughes you can help him make it stink less.”

“But what?  Slathering it with bullshit instead of truth?”  Hughes asked and Roy gave him a smile and a wink.

“Exactly.”  Roy grabbed his coat and walked over to Riza who was waiting by Alphonse to convince the kid to come with them.   Al was already making his way to the door, excited to be part of a mission and also to tend to East City’s feral cat situation.   “See you two later.”

[leelee0535]

M!a list I made using a document full of different M!a’s

Sight: Muse is blind for ___

Slave: Muse becomes a maid or butler to _______ (Anon decides) for 24 hours

Toradora!: If the character is a girl, she’ll be turned into a small tiger. If it’s a boy, he’ll be turned into a dragon, for three hours.

Stuttering: You have an irresistibly cute stutter for the next _____

Little Bird: For ____, you have cute little wings. No, not big enough to fly. Yes, big enough that you might need to cut holes in your shirt.

Wingardium Leviosa!: Muse grows wings. (Or if Muse has wings, they disappear.)

Red: Muse is easily flustered and skittish. Anon decides for how long. S-senpai noticed m-m-me!

Chibi: Stuck as a chibi- adorable, but only 2'4’’ in height…

Mood: Your eyes now change in accordance with your mood, good luck hiding your emotions now. Lasts 2 days.

Pins and Needles: Muse feel as if someone is sticking needles in them for 2 hours.(for summer or winter)

Flustered: When Muse sees, (anon chooses), Muse will stutter, blush, and act like a complete klutz around the so called individual, for 3 hours.

Time Rewind: Your muse can now harness the power to change one event in their life. If you don’t choose within 24 hours your choice is lost.

Sin: Put this and one of the seven sins in muse’s ask box, and they’ll be consumed by it for five days. Gluttony, lust, pride, envy, greed, sloth, and wrath. Pick your poison~

Thunder: It’s raining outside and your muse is stuck inside with ___ (anon’s choice) and when the power goes out they cuddle to keep warm.

Working Class Punx: PAINT THE STREETS IN GLITTER AND BLOOD!

Gundam Tanaka: Animals seem to have strange and extreme affections towards you.

Forced transformation: your muse gets forced to transform to a dragon who is unable to control themself

Today’s cerberus: the muse now has two other minds in their head. One very perky and cheery and the other takes on all your muses weaknesses. When one takes over your muses form changes.

Lean On Me: With the help of ___ (anon’s choice) your muse will get through something that scared them (the anon can specify or leave it up to the mun) for 3 hours.

Wait: Muse is promised their greatest wish if they can wait, but they cannot interact with the person they love while they do. Anon decides how long it lasts.

Sensory Deprivation: You’ve just lost one of your five senses. Oh no! Anon specifies which you lose.

Alohamora!: Muse is locked away in a place specified by Anon until rescued or until specified time.

Glamour: Muse thinks they are a famous celebrity or royalty for any duration the anon chooses up to one week. It’s simply fabulous darling~

Loss: My muse loses the ability to speak or communicate in any fashion. Not even a pen and paper does them any good.

Pretty Please: My Character must grant favours of anyone who asks. So long as they say please. (Anon decides duration)

Angel: Muse is and angel for ___

Sick as a Dog: Muse is ill for 24 hours (Anon specifies symptoms).

Cough: Muse will be ill for 14 Hours

Kuroshitsuji: You’ll be someone’s butler/maid. (please specify who, it can be anyone!)

Code Geass: You can read and control people’s thoughts for 24 hours.

Chaos: It’s a mad house! A mad house I say! Muse’s personality gets flipped backwards for three days. The timid turn mighty, the charismatic turn into downers, and straight Say

characters get to kiss a girl/boy and like it.

Say You’ll Haunt Me: Muse is a ghost, whom can only be seen if they want to be. Lasts 24 hours.

Technologic: Muse is turned into a robot.

Detective Conan: For 12 hours, you look like you’re seven years old, but you have the same memories, personality, etc. that you always have.

Chained to You: Physically, you are chained to (anon decides) for _____ long. Include chain leeway (length).

Plant: Anything muse touches will grow vines and flowers on it for __

Pyro: Anything muse touches will set aflame for __

Kimblee: Muse can now cause explosions just by touching something.

Scar: With one hand, the muse can create things. With the other, the muse can destroy things.

Artificial Heart: The muse no longer feels emotions- no pain, no anger, no rage. They simply become an apathetic shell. Can be broken early if something strong enough manages to break their “emotional inhibitor.”

Ibuki Mioda: You are very cheerful and speak in third person.

Power: With the snap of your fingers you can summon anything you want. This lasts for 8 hours.

Breathe: Muse is a mermaid/merman for three days, and can’t breathe above water. Under the sea~

Eyes: Muse has lost their depth perception and balance for 24 hours. I can’t see straight!

Caffeine: Muse is EXTREMELY hyper for __

Hearing: Muse is deaf for ___

I’m Melting!: Muse cannot stop bleeding from the mouth, nose, or eyes (anon’s choice). Muse cannot pass out from blood loss.

Answer: Muse will have to answer anything that is asked of him/her truthfully, lasts 4 hours

Nice Guys Finish Last: If you’re a nice guy, now you’re bad. If you’re a bad guy, you’re now nice. If you’re somewhere in the middle, you’re now a fuckin’ cat.

Dream: Muse is able to trespass in the dreams and nightmares of others for 48 hours

Gold: Everything my muse touches turns to gold. However, once the spell ends, everything turns back to normal. Affects living beings as well.

Compulsion: Muse has OCD for ___ (anon decides primary source of obsession [number, cleanliness, etc])

Pet: Me-OW! Muse is turned into an animal of some kind for three days.

Eat: Muse get’s the stomach flu, and is unable to eat without being forced to vomit it back up again for three days. I don’t feel so hot.

Child: Do you know where my Mommy is? Muse turns into a toddler for a week.

Thunder: It’s raining outside and your muse is stuck inside with ___ (anon’s choice) and when the power goes out they cuddle to keep warm

Flaming Youth: Muse is rebellious and easily angered for 8 hours.

17 Again: Muse is in his/her 17 year old form.

Mei Chang: Muse is now a princess.

Howl: You are now a werewolf, and sugar, it’s full moon. Have fun with that.

Sensory Deprivation: You’ve just lost one of your five senses. Oh no! Anon specifies which you lose.

Fire: For 24 hours you can control the element of fire.

Water: For 24 hours you can control the element of water.

Earth: For 24 hours you can control the element of earth.

Air: For 24 hours you can control the element of air.

Shaking Hands: Muse is suddenly freezing cold and can’t stop shivering for (Anon specifies time).

Phobia: Muse is terribly afraid of something or someone (Anon specifies)

Compulsion: Muse has OCD for ___ (anon decides primary source of obsession [number, clenliness, etc])

Winter: Ice burn! Muse is now lost in a snow storm and must survive for three days!

Bed: Muse now has narcolepsy and falls asleep at random for three days.

Nighty night!

Return: Someone from Muse’s past comes back. I missed you!

Edward: Two of the muse’s limbs are turned into metal prosthetics.

Alphonse: Muse is locked into a suit of armour… And their body is nowhere to be found.

Winry: Muse becomes very skilled at making and fixing things.

Roy: Muse can create fires with just a snap of their fingers.

Hohenheim: Muse is immortal. If muse is already immortal, then they will hear voices of their lost loved ones.

AU: Muse is stuck in an Alternate Universe with little recollection of their own universe for a whole week

Bed: Muse now has narcolepsy and falls asleep at random for three days.

Call: Muse is suddenly feral and acts like wild animal. Alternatively, they actually become a wild animal.Anon decides for how long. It’s the call of the wild