#actuallyavoidant

[bunnighost]

[avoidantcreachure]

saw a reply on a post by an avpd blog that said something like “those people aren’t real good friends!! you should find people who-“ and i was like i’m gonna cut you off right there, not being able to do that is like my central character aspect… that’s the name of the disorder

[clusterlgbt]

Shoutout to trans avoidants whose avpd makes it difficult to transition. Maybe we can’t bring ourselves to correct ppl who misgender us, maybe we can’t come out, maybe we’re too scared to seek transition. or maybe despite our fears we have done all these things. or maybe we don’t even want those things.

Either way, trans avoidants - you deserve support and as a fellow trans avoidant i am here for you.

[avpdescalate]

Bo Burnham clips I wish I couldn't relate to

[avpd-vanitas]

I always used to feel bad seeing the "black sheep" family members in TV shows. I only recently realized that was my role in the family.

[autisticlassiedog]

Ghost Rule (Vocaloid) and Self Inflicted Achromatic (also Vocaloid) are two songs that I most associated with avoidant personality disorder

[mattodore]

hiii! I hope this question doesn't come off as bad or "ill-intent" or as too personal... Im just asking out of curiosity,

What's AVPD like for you? I don't have it, but I see you mention it a lot in your tags and stuff and was wondering what it's like... A Google search doesn't necessarily help my curiosity much since it's a general definition and all disorders are and can be incredibly situational.

Thank you River in advance if you do end up answering this!

um... how to describe it... i seriously don't know a single other person who has it so it's incredibly isolating to feel so alone in that way while having a disorder that is quite literally The Isolation Disorder. there are some crossovers with other disorders for sureee, like i know my ocd and panic disorder (+ agoraphobia i thankfully moved past in my early twenties) are tied to it and only developed after the avpd got really bad when i was in my mid-teens.

for me, my problems are mostly around connections with myself (like, with myself) and others and having trouble forming them even though i want them desperately. i don't like being seen or looked at. i think about what people think about me all the time. i have to be approached first so i know that the person interacting with me already wants to be, otherwise approaching first makes me feel like i'm invading this space where i'm not invited. i'm incredibly sensitive to the slightest change in tone in conversation and if someone seems like they've lost interest in me i'm out of there. if someone doesn't show the same interest—or more interest, really—in me that i show to them then i disconnect and draw back. i have a very hard time talking to people one-on-one in private settings—hence why dms and things like discord are, like... the worst to me unless i'm being very actively sought out for conversation and then that unease settles a little. private conversations are stressful and i always feel like i'm saying the wrong thing. i'm extremely harsh with myself in all aspects. talking wears me out, because it always feels like a performance—including when i'm just doing something like this and answering an ask. it's not that i don't want to talk—i just feel like no one actually wants to listen or hear me. um. and it's this feeling of... what if i don't do it right? and what if people realize i'm just not right myself and that there's something wrong with me. feelings of inadequacy, of course. alwaysss with the inadequacy, like, it's fucking exhausting. i feel exhausting to talk to. it's not like i talk about my super depressing feelings all the time, like, it's not exhausting in that regard—it's that i'm not interesting and people don't want to talk to me when they could be talking to literally anyone else... um. so, yeah... the inadequacy. even posting on this blog, like, even just reblogging a post stresses me out sometimes. i just always feel like i have to keep up this image of myself or everyone will lose interest or think i'm pathetic (yikes !). i don't like talking about the way i really feel about anything because that invites personal judgment. i'm embarrassed about everything. my whole life. this narrow existence that i inhabit because of the avpd and the way it's made me shrink.

my biggest thing is that i isolate. all the time. sometimes it's for a few days, or weeks, or months (the worst was six months...). it's not just from people—i isolate from everything. i pull away from people and my hobbies and my interests and i spiral. there are a lot of very bad thoughts i have when i isolate and i'm better at handling it now but when i was a teenager it was really bad. it's like... it's suffocating. i can't think about relationships without crying sometimes. um... it's just very lonely. i've only ever had two real friends my whole life—one of which i'd only had for two-and-a-half years before my disorder fucked me up and i got too sensitive about something they were saying about me and fled. i can't form connections and i'm not a good friend. i'm not saying that lightly—i can't keep in constant contact and i can't open up very well and i am overly sensitive to everything. it's the worst. it's ruined my life.

this is why i don't talk about it lmaooo uhhhh. it's the worst of my little mental health issues or whatever that i have because it's effected my whole life and no one in my life understands it and i don't know anyone else like me. it's just... yeah. it's just very lonely.

[mirazartsstuff]

I am still sick and tired of hearing ppl say that being demisexual is "normal"

Nah, it fucking ain't.

I have issues understanding the concept of one night stands. Yes, I technically understand them but like.... you would fuck someone random??? Once??? And never meet them again???

To make this even more crazy, I have fictional crushes B U T I never actually looked at any of those characters sexually, I was actuallyavoiding any overly sexual material of them if it wasn't in a wholesome context. And not because they are "too precious" for it. They are all adults who would 100% not hesitate to fuck/fucked in canon

For context my current fictional crushes include Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd from FE3H and mafuckin VEGETA from DragonBall.

Some demisexuals have a different experience, don't get me wrong but you can't tell me it's "normal" for me to question sexual relationships with randos and never experiencing any sexual attraction to anyone, other than my bf?

Oh btw Vegeta is a crush I developed literally about a month ago and I still feel weird to see porn of him when I want to find cute fanart. I have been in a romantic and sexual relationship for more than a year now

[happywastedyears]

hi just so you know if you have a personality disorder I love you personally

[bunnighost]

[avoidantcreachure]

avpd imposter syndrome where i have more than one or two friends so i must be faking!!! … but every friend i’ve had i’ve known for years because i struggle with making new friends. and most of my friendships formed because someone decided to befriend me and then were there when i came back from disappearing. each time.

[avid-detachment]

have an urge to create an online presence

post something in a discord server

instant regret! overwhelming shame!

its been hours at this point and i still feel awful!

[girlfriendriddler]

Hot bitches lie to therapists so they'll be proud of them. Hot bitches stop going to therapy because it all becomes too much and feels pointless. Hot bitches are scared nobody will believe them. Hot bitches are good at appearing functioning and masking so nobody believes they're debilitated at all times. Hot bitches have avoidant personality disorder. Hot bit-

[just-shoot-me-dead]

It’s a losing battle, no point anymore.

[hauntedselves]

My personality disorder info site is live!

It's still a WIP, but pretty much everything is up that I plan on putting up.

If you have any suggestions, let me know!

[exhaustedborderline]