#again i am not an expert please also do your own research

[unnecessarycraziness]

Hey so a woman just died in my area after falling into our local creek, so I think I should maybe make a PSA about water safety! Do be aware though that I am not an expert on the matter - although I’ve studied various disasters and accidents, many of which are relevant to this, and am basing much of my information here on outside sources, some of this comes from my own experience and local wisdom, which may be incorrect or misinterpreted. I’m only trying to spread awareness, and if any of my information is incorrect please don’t hesitate to correct me.

Be careful around water, folks, especially moving water. Even if a creek looks small and relatively tame, the current can still be a huge threat (consider, for instance, the Bolton Strid in England); this tends to be worse during rainy periods or, in snowy areas, springtime when the snow is melting, but the hazard doesn’t necessarily go away at other times. Don’t go into water if you’re not sure it’s safe, and on a similar note be careful not to fall in. The banks of rivers and streams can be unstable and might collapse or simply be deceptively steep, and of course it’s possible to just slip or fall while walking nearby (I imagine this is probably what happened to the victim in my area, but I don’t have the full details so that’s more of an educated guess).

Also, immersion in water puts you at risk for hypothermia, even if it’s not especially cold. I live in a mountainous area and the creek comes straight down from the mountains, so it’s extremely cold, meaning there’s an added risk for something called cold shock - a set of involuntary responses to sudden immersion in cold water, including gasping, hyperventilation, and even heart problems - if you fall in unprepared. However, even relatively warm water can lead to hypothermia fairly quickly, as water drains your body heat far faster than air. The best example I can think of is the sinking of the Lusitania, in which many victims died of hypothermia in water that was around 50 degrees Fahrenheit or about 10 degrees Celsius - this temperature is by no means warm, but it’s not something that would immediately make most people think of hypothermia as a cause of death. Due to the aforementioned tendency of water to sap a person’s body heat, even water that might not be considered “cold” can have dangerous consequences, as seen with many of the Lusitania victims as well as those involved in countless other tragedies. Hell, I remember spending hours in some friends’ swimming pool when I was younger, only to get out for a bathroom break and find that my lips had turned blue from the cold despite it being a controlled environment in very hot weather!

Less related to this specific local case, storms are also a major hazard. Storms can and do cause flash flooding, which is extremely dangerous; even if water looks shallow, it can still be deadly, as only 6 inches (15 centimeters) of fast-moving flood water can be enough to knock over an adult, and 12 inches (one foot; 30 centimeters) can carry away cars. A large portion of drowning deaths in the United States occur because people attempt to walk or drive through flooded areas and are swept away. Flash floods are commonly caused by storms or dam failures, and dry or rocky areas can be especially susceptible (for instance, we get them fairly often in my area due to the steep, rocky mountains and dry desert valley). Most flash flood deaths occur because people underestimate the strength and speed of the water; canyons, ravines, and washes can also be hazardous during storms.

So, in summary:

Stay away from fast-moving water, even if it’s just a small creek or stream, unless you’re absolutely sure it’s safe.

Excercise particular caution during rainy seasons and, in snowy areas, warmer conditions that allow for large amounts of snowmelt.

Immersion in water can lead to hypothermia, even if it’s not excessively cold. Be aware of this fact, and of the possibility of cold shock.

Do not attempt to traverse flooded areas, even in a car or truck.

Don’t ignore warnings (both about water and in general).

If it starts to rain while you’re walking or hiking in a canyon, seek higher ground. Personally, I’d take nearby thunder as a warning sign as well, but do exercise caution when traversing high-up areas during a thunderstorm.

Always check the weather forecast before you go out into the wilderness.

Don’t camp or shelter in ditches, canyons, or washes during stormy conditions. This also includes sheltering from tornadoes; as a child growing up in Arkansas I was always warned not to take shelter in a ditch due to the risk of flash floods, although admittedly I’d rather hide in a dry ditch than get torn up by shrapnel.

If someone falls into dangerous water, don’t go after them unless you’re properly trained and equipped (i.e. trained rescue personnel with safety gear and backup). Call emergency services instead - you don’t want to get in the way of rescuers or, worse, become another casualty.

Again, please be careful around water. It’s a legitimate hazard and often gets underestimated. A good way to visualize how powerful water can be is this (admittedly humorous) video of a construction vehicle dumping a bucket of water on a car, destroying it. Stay safe out there, folks!

[projectionistwrites]

FOR SCIENCE | the project proposal

In which the Moon Knight alter system presents a unique opportunity to settle the nature versus nurture debate, once and for all...

Steven Grant/Marc Spector/Jake Lockley x afab!psychologist!reader (3.2k+)

RATING: EXPLICIT (18+, mdni) WARNINGS: descriptions of mental illness, depictions of DID, fetishization of mental disorders (DID), potentially unethical scientific practices, no smut in this part NOTES: again, please don’t read this if you’re concerned at all with research ethics, as this is NOT a good demonstration of scientific procedures and studies. DISCLAIMER: although i’m incredibly knowledgeable about psychology, i am NOT a professional. all psychoanalyses made throughout the course of this storyline are entirely my own, based on my own interpretations of the characters. in a similar vein, i am also not an expert on DID specifically (although i am well-read on mental disorders and diagnoses), so i apologize for any incorrect terminology or misrepresentation. don’t hesitate to call me out if i say something wrong!

next part →

Marc Spector’s psyche was a psychologist’s wet dream.

Three distinct personalities, completely separated from each other, all occupying the same host body. At one point, all mutually unaware of the others, but now living together in solidarity and (relative) cooperation.

Meeting Marc Spector was a happy accident—but meeting a man with a clearcut case of Dissociative Identity Disorder as a Professor of Psychology? Now that was just pure, dumb luck.

You had met Steven Grant first. You’d run into him at the British Museum during a university-sponsored visit. Your interaction had been brief, but it was memorable for you nonetheless—there was just something about those soft brown eyes and dopey, shy smile that melted your heart.

Imagine your surprise when you accidentally ran into that same man on the bus, only for him to introduce himself as Marc with a midwestern American accent and a cold, calculated gleam in his stare. He was forward and confident—very much unlike your previous encounter with him. When you called his bluff and swore you’d interacted with him under the guise of Steven, he pulled you aside and gently tried to justify the confusion.

“It’s—I have this...condition. It’s—have you ever heard of Dissociative Identity Disorder?”

You had tried hard to fight your smile.

“Yeah, I’m familiar with it.”

It was only revealed to him—after his winded and lengthy explanation—that you had a doctorate degree in clinical psychology and specialized in mental disorders.

Steven’s curiosity was piqued, and Marc silently hoped you’d be able to shed some insight into the functioning of his fragmented mind. You quickly established an easy friendship, somewhat reminiscent of a relationship between a client and therapist—although you knew and cared for each other on a much deeper and more intimate level.

Several months later, you were finally introduced to the most elusive alter within the system—Jake Lockley.

You began to spend the majority of your free time with the men—all three of them seemed to be relatively taken with you. Steven was sweet, Marc was shrewd, and Jake was steadfast. It was sometimes difficult to conceptualize that they all shared the same physical body with how differently they behaved.

It hadn’t started as a project—genuinely, truly, it hadn’t. It wasn’t your intention to be so captivated by those big brown puppy-dog eyes or the softness within his smile. And the feelings you had for him—for all of them—were real, and raw, and indisputable. You would never, ever, ever do anything to make them feel uncomfortable or jeopardize your relationships in any way.

Which is why this was such a bad fucking idea.

Your nails drummed against the side of your porcelain coffee mug as your nervously chewed on the cap of your red pen, making a futile attempt to focus on grading the research report in front of you, but your attention was clearly elsewhere. Your eyes kept darting to the clock on the wall across from you, watching the second hand tick away slowly. The coffee shop was playing gentle soothing acoustic songs, the smell of cinnamon lingering in the air, but even the coziness wasn’t enough to shake your nerves.

“Hey, there, Doc.”

Your head perked at the sound of a familiar voice, a warming hand clapping your shoulder as Marc Spector walked to the other side of the small table and sat down across from you. You groaned at his greeting, pulling your reading glasses from your nose and setting them on the table in front of you.

“Marc, I swear, if you call me that one more time, I’ll—”

He threw his hands up in mock surrender, although he was smirking slyly at you.

“Alright, alright, jeez—what’s got you wound up so tight, huh?”

He reached for the paper on top of the stack in front of you, reading off the title aloud.

“An In-depth Investigation Into the Underlying Psychological Causes of Erectile Dysfunction in Men Under 50.”

His face contorted in a look of disgust.

“Jesus—that’s gotta be the most boring fuckin’ thing I’ve ever heard.”

You watched as his eyes fluttered briefly, his posture sinking and his features softening. When his eyes regained focus, he shook his head, huffing.

“Bugger off, Marc—I think it sounds plenty interestin’.”

Steven smiled graciously, offering the packet back to you. You accepted it tiredly, throwing it atop the pile of what seemed like an endless supply of mediocre student submissions that had yet to be graded.

“Thanks, Steven, but Marc’s right—my brain’s fried. I swear, if I have to read another shitty case study about men whose dicks don’t work, I’ll gouge my eyes out.”

The man chuckled at your confession as you shoved the stack of papers into your briefcase clumsily, snapping it shut without a second thought and letting it fall back to the floor beside your table. You carefully picked up your mug and took a long, slow sip—your coffee was barely lukewarm, at this point, as you’d be sitting at the cafe for hours, working quietly as you patiently waited on your friend’s arrival.

Although Steven was blissfully oblivious, Marc was observant. His consciousness pushed to the front, studying you carefully—your white-knuckled grip against your cup, your shifty eyes that were looking everywhere but at him, the tension in your shoulders and nervous bouncing of your leg.

“Alright—what’s wrong?”

Your gaze snapped over to him where he was sat with arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowed in suspicion. You tried to force a smile in an effort to cover up your uncertainty.

“Nothing’s wrong, Marc. Promise.”

You held his gaze intently, trying to convince him with your half-hearted response. His stare didn't waver, and after a few brief moments, you had to look down, overwhelmed with the intensity of his scrutiny.

“Alright, let’s try that again. Y/N—what’s wrong?”

You let a long, exasperated sigh, running a tired hand down your face. This had been weighing on you for a few days, at this point, and you still weren’t sure if you could handle the emotional labor this conversation would require.

“It’s true, nothing’s—nothing’s wrong, per se, I just—I just need to talk to you. I’ve—I have this idea—”

“Like—a work-related, science-y idea? You want Steven? Or—I can try my best to help, but sometimes you get excited and start talking really fast and I can’t keep up, but—”

“No, Marc, it’s not—I mean, it’s not really science-y, but like, also—it kinda is? I don’t know how to explain it, but I really need to—”

“I mean, whatever it is, you seem pretty worried about it, so obviously it’s important, and—and I just wanna make sure we’re giving you whatever response you need, or, at least—”

“Jesus, Marc, if you’d let me finish.”

You clipped, and his jaw snapped shut instantaneously, somewhat taken aback by your outburst. You were normally so controlled, practiced with your expressions, so seeing any sign of emotional imbalance was startling.

Guilt immediately flooded your stomach after you lashed out—you buried your head in your hands, taking a few slow, deliberate breaths in an attempt to quell your rapid heartbeat.

“Shit—sorry, I didn’t mean—this is just... I’m not sure how to go about this.”

You felt the featherlight brush of calloused fingertips against your forearm, coaxing your face away from your palms. When you finally lifted your head, Steven had returned, his eyes soft and reassuring. He pulled your hand into his, squeezing briefly before rubbing his thumb comfortingly across your knuckles.

“S’alright, love, truly. Take as much time as you need, and—and if there’s anythin’ you need from us, it’s yours. Just—whenever you’re ready.”

You tried to ignore the butterflies flitting in your stomach at Steven’s gentle promise. You inhaled once more, before finding his eyes.

“This—I need to talk to all three of you. Can you—are you in a place where you can all be co-conscious?”

Steven’s lips turned up at the corners at your thoughtfulness. He received verbal responses from both Marc and Jake—a confirmation that they were both actively listening.

“’Course. We’re all here. Is—do you have a preference, as to who you’d like to speak with?”

You returned his smile, offering a slight squeeze to his hand.

“I mean—since you’re already fronting, might as well stay, huh?”

Steven blushed, trying to fight the giddiness that came from your validation. He quickly steeled himself, reminding himself that you were struggling to open up to him.

“Alright. Whenever you’re ready, then, yeah?”

You cautiously pulled your hand away from his, mostly to keep yourself grounded and get out what you needed before you second-guessed yourself.

“So.”

You cautiously began.

“I had this—this idea. And it’s—it sounds crazy, and I get that, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, especially because—well, I just feel like this is something that could have damning effects on the entire field of psychology, with both practical and theoretical applications, but—that doesn’t mean—I don’t want you to feel obligated by any means to agree, or—or to feel pressured into anything, and I definitely don’t want you to think that—that I’m using you, because that couldn’t be farther from the truth, I swear, and—”

“Y/N.”

His tone was soft, a quiet interruption from your rambling, and your eyes widened in concern. However, he offered you a reassuring nod.

“Just tell us what it is, yeah? We’ll go from there.”

You nodded slowly, squeezing your eyes shut, before beginning again.

“There’s this huge debate in psychology. It’s pretty much the basis of a lot of our research—the whole nature versus nurture debate. Basically, it’s all about how much of our personalities can be attributed to genetics versus how much can be attributed to our life experiences.”

Steven was listening intently, leaning forward into your words.

“Well, it’s—it’s a concept that’s really difficult to research, because, well, we don’t really have a basis of comparison. The best thing we have to go off of is when identical twins get separated at birth and grow up in different places. Or, at least—that was the best we’ve had up until this point. Does—does that make sense?”

“Yes.”

He assured, nodding in acknowledgement. You only hoped the other two alters were keeping up.

“So, basically what I’m getting at here, is, well—you, and—and all three of you, really—Marc and Jake, you guys provide a really, really unique opportunity, because, well—you share a body. So, physiologically, you’re completely identical. The only thing that’s different about you is who you are, so—your life experiences and memories and things like that. You’re—you’re like the perfect example of how our experiences shape our beings.”

“Right. Right.”

Steven followed your train of thought carefully, brows furrowed. You took a deep breath. This is the part you were dreading.

“So, I had this thought... you three boys are so vastly different from each other. Like, really, really different, and—and you each have your own preferences, things like that, but—but you still have the same body. In my Abnormal Psych course, we’re studying intimacy and desire right now. So—so what I was wondering was about your—your sexuality. Like, to what extent are your sexual preferences due to your biology rather than your cognition.”

Steven blew out a shaky exhale, though he tried not to appear perturbed by your words. His mind was silent—he could feel the intense focus from his alters, now hanging on your every word.

“What if there was a way, to, you know, test, how different your sexual preferences are? And to test and see how your arousal is different, or the same, based on locations of stimulation and things like that?”

Bloody fucking hell.

In a split second, Marc was fronting, Steven slipping back into the headspace, completely overwhelmed and unsure of what to say or how to react. You noticed the abrupt switch, and after recovering from the brief whiplash, you felt panic spur within you. You’d scared him away.

Marc’s brows were furrowed, like he wasn’t completely picking up what you were putting down.

“So, what exactly are you suggesting?”

You closed your eyes.

“I guess—what I’m suggesting is that you—you help me research. You—you let me study you, each of you, independently, to see—to see how different your sexual behaviors and preferences are.”

“Like—like a questionnaire, or something?”

Marc questioned, but when you shook your head, eyes casting downwards, it suddenly dawned on him. Steven’s departure made sense. Everything made sense.

“So... so lemme get this straight.”

Marc made a stopping motion with his hand, gesturing for you to pause.

“You—want to have sex, with me—with us... for science?”

“Well, I mean, it—it doesn’t necessarily have to be with me, I could—we could find someone else, if you’re more comfortable, and—and I could just observe, or—”

“So you’re a voyeur, now?”

You jolted and Marc’s vulgarity, eyes quickly scanning your surroundings to make sure no one was listening in on your conversation. Luckily, the cafe was relatively deserted at that point.

“No! No, that’s not—I’m just saying, with what I’m suggesting, it—it would make the most sense for the researcher to—to be more hands-on, but that’s...”

Your voice trailed off, staring at a speck of grime on the table, trying to calm the rapid racing of your heart.

Yeah, seems she's interested in being real hands-on, huh?

Marc struggled to hold in his snickering at Jake’s internal dialogue, but after seeing the worry that was clinging to your features, his sympathy prevailed.

“Y/N.”

He spoke calmly, cool and collected. Your eyes flitted to his, where he was watching you intently. However, you could see the ghost of a smirk on his face.

“So what you’re saying is... you want to have sex, with me, for science.”

He reiterated, and you opened your mouth to protest, to defend your credibility, to rationalize your bizarre proposition, but instead, a long sigh escaped you as you admitted defeat.

“Yes. Yeah. That’s…exactly what I’m saying.”

A brief silence stagnated between you, and there was a tightness forming in your chest as every worst-case-scenario began coming to fruition in the forefront of your mind.

“I’m—I’m so sorry, Marc, I didn’t mean to overstep, or—or—”

“What, exactly, would this entail?”

Marc inquired, unable to deny his curiosity. You blinked once, then twice, processing his words.

“So—so you’ll do it?”

He held up his hands as if to tell you to slow down.

“Just—hang on. Hypothetically speaking, what—what would this even look like?”

Excitement zipped up your skin as you reached down into your briefcase, pulling out a manila folder full of several sheets of scribbled ideas and disorganized thoughts.

“Well, see, I’ve been brainstorming—”

Christ, she has the whole thing planned.

Steven’s voice sounded faint, breathless, winded. Marc ignored him, instead focusing in on your sudden enthusiasm.

“—and I came up with a research plan. So, the way it would go—we’d meet for the weekend, three weekends in a row, with a week break in between. Each alter will have their own weekend to be the subject of study. Day one, we—well, you would lead the sexual encounter. Do what you want, showcase what sex usually looks like for you, what you like, what you don’t like—”

Marc's mind was reeling. He shamelessly attempted to ignore the effect your words were having on him. Do what you want. What you like. To you.

You were still talking.

“—and then the second day, you’d let me take the reins. I’ll psychoanalyze your behavior from the first day, and synthesize that with all the information I already have about you, and I’ll try to—well, I don’t wanna say push your buttons, but—basically, as shitty as it sounds, I’d be trying to bring to light any vulnerabilities, prod at the soft spots, stuff like that. Try to see if I can find what it is each of you seeks out through sexual intimacy. Does that make sense?”

Marc shook his head, lost in thought, but he blinked away the fog in his mind and quickly corrected himself with a nod.

“Yeah, I mean—I think so? Would this—what would you do, once it’s over? Like, what’s the point?”

“It would never be published, or shared with anyone else, I can promise you that. It’s—it would mostly be for me. Kind of like a passion project, I guess. I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, and, well...”

Passion project?

What’s she mean, ‘she’s been thinkin’ about it for awhile?’

Marc almost shushed the voices in his head aloud, trying to clear his head of static so he could properly take all of this in.

He looked up at you, and you were staring up at him with eye round and hopeful, almost reverent as they passed over him. He blew out a slow breath.

“Do... can we have time to think about it? To talk about it?”

The fuck do you mean, jefe? I’m ready to start right now.

You nodded encouragingly, although Marc caught the brief glimmer of disappointment in your eyes.

“Of course, Marc. Take as long as you need. And—please don’t feel obligated to say yes. I mean it. I know—I know this kind of came out of left field, and—and I don’t want to violate any boundaries, or—or jeopardize our friendship in any way, I would never want to do anything to make you uncomfortable, just—”

You stalled your tangent with a slow breath.

“Just let me know, okay?”

Marc nodded at you, smiling softly and contemplatively as he rose from the table and exited the coffeeshop, leaving you to stew in anticipation and something adjacent to remorse.

The call came in the next day, at 11am on the dot. It was Steven on the other line when you answered, walking out of the lecture hall doors as your class adjourned.

“Hello?”

You answered.

“Mornin’, Y/N. It’s, uh—It’s Steven.”

You giggled.

“I know, Steven. I have caller ID, and believe it or not, your accent is kind of distinct.”

You could practically hear him blush on the other end.

“Right. Yeah. Well, I just—I was callin’ to, uh—Christ, of course they made me do this, I can’t even—”

“Steven.”

You interrupted gently, your calmness soothing his nerves to some degree. He took a breath.

“Sorry. I—We talked it over. The whole—your experiment. And—and I think we’re all up for it.”

You froze in your tracks, students continuing to rush around on either side of you in the hallway. Your hand was shaking.

“I—really? Are you sure?”

“Well, no—I mean, yeah, I just—of course, I’ve got some reservations, but, I mean—it’s for science, yeah?"

A smile was creeping up your face.

“Yeah. Yes. For—for research purposes.”

Yeah, solely research purposes, my ass.

Marc quipped internally, and Steven gulped.

“Right, then. Could we—shall we meet again today, or—whenever, to talk it over a bit more?”

You nodded before realizing he couldn’t see you.

“That’d be perfect. We can meet same time, same place as yesterday?”

He gave a hum of agreement, and you felt suddenly breathless as the reality of the situation began to set in.

“Right. I’ll—I’ll see you then, okay, Steven?”

“Yeah, ‘lright, cheers.”

“And, Steven?”

You called quickly, hoping to catch him before he ended the call.

He hummed in response. You smiled.

“Thank you. Really, thank you.”

[soars22]

Alright, my lovely people. I’d like to give a little rundown of what a labor union is and what protections it provides for workers because I think that it’s context that’s important to the current situation. Please bear in mind that I am by no means an expert. I am drawing on my research and my own experience being in a union at a previous job to write this post. Please feel free to reblog with anything I’ve missed.

What is a union?

A union is a group of workers who have banded together in order to use their collective strength and voices to make a difference in their workplace. Many unions were formed due to dissatisfaction with exploitative or unsafe working conditions (look up Appalachian coal miners if you want to see an example).

What do unions do?

Unions are there to act on behalf of their workers; their entire purpose is to ensure that their members (and, often by extension, non-members) receive fair wages, proper breaks, safe working conditions, and many other benefits. They are made by and for workers.

What do unions NOT do?

Unions do NOT exist to break up companies. Unions are there to ensure that workers are treated fairly. Union leaders will first do everything in their power to obtain better working conditions by negotiating with the company on the behalf of the employees. Shutting down a business because of poor labor conditions will never be a union’s priority; they will ALWAYS be on the side of the labor force. The union may take the company to court and the company might later collapse as a result of that (whether because of court fees, public backlash, or other reasons) but the goal is to preserve the workers’ jobs while also making sure that the workers are treated fairly.

What does this mean for qsmp?

I don’t know. Do I think there are major problems? Yes, absolutely. Do I think that Quackity is working to address these problems? Again, yes. Do I-or anyone else for that matter-know what those solutions are or what they may look like? No, we do not!! I cannot see into the future; neither can Twitter. We need to have patience and understanding as we all wait to see what comes next.

I’ve seen a lot of doomposting here. I’ve seen a lot of anxiety and stress. If that’s where your mind is at, you might need to take a break from the internet for a bit; god knows I might. This situation isn’t going to be fixed by attacking the cc’s or the admins or anyone else who’s involved. That’s not our job; we’re only adding more negativity and stress to people who may already be at their limit.

Be kind. Be patient. Be a community. That’s what this server is all about, ultimately. It’s time to prove that. Hope this helps.

[nkhrdstyvskrrtskrrt]

📎 YOSANO AKIKO ANALYSIS

UNDERSTANDING & ANALYZING BUNGOU STRAY DOGS YOSANO THROUGH THE LENSES OF THE REAL YOSANO AKIKO'S LIFE

WC. 4,000

DISCLAIMER: I am no historian or literary expert I am just obsessed and mentally unwell, if u cannot tell, teehee <333 If this will ignite any hate or hostility (not this post’s intention), please set your sights elsewhere and just scroll. I made this because I love her character and BSD in general to a bone-shattering degree. I hope you have as much fun as I did while researching and writing this, enjoy!! (also English is not my first language forgive me for any grammatical errors ty)

There might be a part two for this, but for now, this is all my tiny brain could offer >:))

IMPORTANT NOTE: There will be a lot of omitted, summarized information that has been subjectively extracted or abridged. This is not a complete, rich historical account but research done to make connections and parallels to better understand and theorize about BSD Yosano’s character. I did not finish reading the entire biography, which is why this is only the first section of a bigger whole.

However, if you desire to dig deeper about her in an unabridged manner please kindly refer to the source I will list below. One last thing, please don’t hesitate to add your own thoughts, I am encouraging you to do so, I will appreciate it so much actually!

My primary source;; Janine Beichman - Embracing the Firebird_ Yosano Akiko and the Birth of the Female Voice in Modern Japanese Poetry-University of Hawaii Press (2002). [pdf can be downloaded for free @/libgen]

Allow me to initiate this observation with a passage directly extracted from her biography (the one named above): 

“Yosano’s father Òtori Sòshichi (1847–1903), was the second-generation owner of the Surugaya, a well-known confectioner that specialized in yòkan (sweet bean paste) and sweet dumplings.”

With this passage in mind, I’d like to remind you of this scene in the manga that hinted at BSD Yosano’s circumstances and background prior to being selected as Mori’s assistant at the fortress. In this panel, she mentioned that she was tending to a candy store before getting drafted. 

Now, drawing from the passage we read regarding the real Yosano Akiko and applying this to BSD Yosano—it’s not far-fetched to assume that the candy shop she was tending to was run and owned by her family. Normally, we could say that familial separation, especially at such an early stage of childhood would be quite hard on the child. However, if we consider the following facts from the real Yosano Akiko’s childhood and parallel it to BSD Yosano again, we could conclude that the separation wasn’t as difficult nor emotional for her when Mori selected her, because she was called in this book an ‘infant exile.’

Starting from the very birth of the real Yosano, her father was severely appalled by her because she was a girl. Moreover, he deserted their home for a week without even looking at his daughter’s face. Her mother became distressed because of the week-long absence of her father, (fainted, even) and couldn’t breastfeed her properly, resulting in the infant Yosano being sent to a maternal aunt accompanied by a wet nurse.

Two years later, due to convenience rather than the will to come back, Yosano returned to her familial house because her aunt had a new baby of her own to look after and raise. Though at this time, a new baby was born, too, at the Otoris. And this baby grew up to be the brother to whom the adult Yosano dedicated her poem ‘Thou Shalt Not Die.’ 

Since the arrival of this baby boy, Yosano’s existence has become easier to tolerate—see this actual snapshot from the passage I am referencing:

‘ while at the Òtori home a baby boy had finally arrived, making it easier to tolerate the unwelcome girl.’

As if to rub in the author’s title for the real Yosano Akiko (infant exile) even their servants and relatives had a distaste for her and her personality, viewing her as the ‘difficult’ child in the family. Here’s another direct quote from the biography book:

‘The relatives chimed in disapprovingly: “‘The younger brother is better behaved; his older sister is a little much.’ From the apprentices to the little uncle on my mother’s side all predicted better things for my younger brother than for me. Having to listen to all that didn’t feel very good.” Even the servants rubbed it in.’

Additionally, Yosano Akiko herself wrote that she never knew the warmth of a mother or father’s lap and that her parents had an inherent antipathy towards her that was not inflicted on her siblings. She wrote, that other women are troubled concerning their in-laws, and how to operate as human beings alongside them but this same worry is her very reality in her own family’s household—blood and flesh—she served her parents as if they were her in-laws and endured hardships by their hand and in their name. Here’s a snippet from the biography:

‘“Other women become brides and struggle to manage a household, but for me it was the reverse: from the time I was a young girl I served my parents as if they were my in-laws, and endured emotional and physical hardships.”’

Another possible factor that enriched an equal sentiment of apathy within Yosano was despite the extremely young age of three she was coerced into attending school—which, as made clear in the biography, was something she disliked. What gave her parents this idea? Well, her father was quite the ardent enthusiast of the science of producing superior human beings. With this belief in mind, it’s no surprise that when he mistook the large forehead of the young Yosano as a sign of intelligence, he sent her to study immediately. 

But Yosano was too young, too passionate, and excited still to engage in play with other children, to have fun with her friends because she was hardly above infancy, only three years old. Despite the awareness of the adults around her that she’s not of school age yet, she was shamed for her disagreement—as said to her by one of her maids: “See what a good girl Miss Takenaka is. Aren’t you ashamed of skipping school?” 

Are you seeing a parallel? BSD Yosano, although just 11 years old, was chosen by Mori to be the core of his immortal regiment plan, because similar to the real Yosano’s situation somebody (her father) saw something urgent and, perhaps special or advantageous in her which is why she was pushed into studying—in BSD Yosano’s case Mori saw this potential within her and incorporated her into his plans, and drafted her from what seems to be her family’s candy shop.

One thing I’d like to emphasize again is that in this drafting of BSD Yosano, the fact that she agreed or at the very least went along with Mori even if it meant being separated from her family, is because she (if we parallel it once again to the poet Yosano) was never really seen as important or someone capable in her family, they did not have faith in what she can do or her future, they did not have confidence in her character. Regarding this sentiment here are two excerpts from the biography: 

‘The restrictions themselves (which were not uncommon then, at least in Sakai) did not hurt as much as the misjudgment of her character and what she might do were she free: “It goes without saying that in a house with many employees, and particularly in a morally lax city like Sakai, a daughter had to be strictly supervised. But there was no need to go that far with a woman who took as many pains to protect herself as I did. I thought the lack of understanding of my feelings that my parents’ attitude showed was outrageous and when alone I often wept over it.”’

And: 

‘Like her parents, the teacher hurt her pride by assuming that she was less intellectually and morally advanced than she actually was, but politeness kept her from objecting. 

And as stated by the creature in Frankenstein (see how I always find a way to mention it haha): “And tell me why I should pity man more than he pities me?” 

Why should she nurture deep affection for her family—relatives and servants too, even her teacher—when they will not reciprocate even a pittance of the same love and care? Or even respect. Take a look at this paragraph from the document:

‘But the results of this parental coldness were not entirely negative. Just as 

ignorance of her ancestry liberated Akiko from the weight of family tradition, 

so multiple caretakers and the lack of parental affection weakened her sense of 

filial obligation. 

‘What gave her the strength to defy her family’s expectations 

and flee to Tokyo in her early twenties? Surely, the intensity of her love for 

Yosano Tekkan and her own literary ambition were most important; but would 

a more cherished daughter have been able to make the break so decisively? The 

seeds of the later revolt were planted in the infant exile.’

For this very reason, I conclude that if anything, being drafted by Mori was, in the 11-year-old Yosano’s eyes, an opportunity to prove her competence and worth and realize her goal—saving people’s lives (although in this, she has been failed). As a matter of fact there is a compelling possibility that this conviction to save lives was another element of the real Yosano’s personality and beliefs. It has been written in the biography that Yosano Akiko’s father was a fan of stories of heroism, stories that involved the act of protecting and saving, and what makes this relevant is that he also loved sharing these stories with his children.

From a young age, her mind was fed with these noble stories, and children are impressionable. That said, the young Yosano Akiko inherently possessed a special empathy and protectiveness over life, in support of this let us read through another snippet from a passage;

‘One summer when Akiko was around eight she was sitting up there in the evening cool with her siblings and some cousins, when one of the older children remarked, “A night when the moon and the stars are close means fire.” When the others had left, Akiko gazed up at the vastness of the sky. Feeling sorry for the children in any house that might burn and worried that the fire might reach her own house, “I tried to think of some way to increase the distance between the little star and the moon.”’

As additional support, kindly read this excerpt as well:

‘In the morning, Akiko’s parents returned from her sister’s house. As their own manager politely expressed his relief that the Takemura home was unharmed, Akiko thought sadly to herself, “I wouldn’t mind having the Take-muras’ storehouse burn down if only the Gusei girl had not turned into a charred corpse.”’

And the last addition to further highlight this:

‘So much in this story of the great Sakai fire is typical of Akiko’s view of the society in which she grew up. She shows us all the negatives of the situation: People turned out in force either because they wanted to keep the fire from spreading to their own houses or because they enjoyed a good disaster as long as it was someone else’s. Even her own family thought it natural to rejoice that their daughter’s storehouse had been spared rather than grieve for the dead Gusei girl.’

The young poet Yosano Akiko, even compared to the adults in her environment bore within her a deeper reverence for life, the actions of the adults and their selfish concerns did not amuse her, she thought very negatively of them. The grief and pity she felt for the single casualty, the girl, meant that the loss of life be it a loss of what people consider an insignificant person, mattered to her. For her, every death is worth grieving. And should never be a source of entertainment or material for gossip (the villagers made festivals and dances inspired by the incident). Taking all this into account, it’s not much of a shock that BSD Yosano was so driven to save lives, why it mattered to her so strongly, why, she was also so severely devastated about what her ability has been used for. 

A brief interlude before further digging into the real poet’s early history, I’d like to draw more emphasis on the previous points made—specifically how she’d rather have the storehouse burn (despite having a mother who’s from a lineage of merchants, and Yosano running the candy shop business as well) if it meant seeing a girl she didn’t know too deeply, live—leaping to the future, the poet’s adulthood, for a moment, to affirm further BSD Yosano’s principles regarding the preciousness of life above all else.

In her most, as called in one article, ‘inflammatory’ poem which is ‘Thou Shalt Not Die’ I want us to focus on this particular line in the poem:

For you, what does it matter if Port Arthur Fortress falls or not?

The poet Yosano Akiko was so adamant in stopping her brother, Port Arthur be damned, because it was common knowledge at that time, false or not, that serving the military was volunteering for your own death—there were rumors of the Japanese soldiers being sent to suicide missions—and for what cause, even? Well, that’s not the right question to ask, let’s correct it to what 11-year-old BSD Yosano expressed in her refusal against Mori’s command to continue healing: Should any cause matter over human life? 

Remember, she disagreed when he (Tachihara’s brother) told her that her ability could change the world. She hoped only to save those she could reach. She was aware, of her limits, of the consequences, and that she could not and should not aim for such causes.

Alright, now that we can clearly see how the real Yosano Akiko’s qualities reflect onto BSD Yosano. Back to the early past.

As young as eight, Yosano Akiko tended and shouldered a huge portion of their business’s management, because, as said in the biography her mother was “sickly” while her father was “irresponsible” so she felt that she had to shoulder their responsibilities, here’s a direct quote: ‘ So Akiko felt that she “absolutely had to” stay home and help her parents, managing both the store and the household.’

But because of this, she earned a position of authority in the household, (additionally, by the age of eighteen, she has salvaged the losses from her father’s stock investments.) analogous to—as she stated herself—how a servant acting on behalf of the master can carve out his or her own sphere of autonomy. 

Our Yosano, if we again, try to see her in the real author’s light, must have been reminded of the corner she was driven into in her younger years. Reminded, of how the adults around her could so easily burden her with duties disproportionate to her age and how powerless she was after all amidst all of it.

This time though, she had hope; hope that she could start anew and could finally leave behind a life riddled with mistrust, and belittling, that she could choose for herself what she would labor for and dedicate her efforts to.

That—in the absence of her hometown and the people she grew with, the absence too, of admiration and belonging would change. 

For a brief moment, it did. 

The soldiers adored her, praised her as an angel, and treated her as someone capable—one made her good coffee, drew her a portrait, and Tachihara’s brother even created a present for her with his ability. She was needed not as some fallback for responsibilities nobody wanted. She was necessary, in a way she approved of. She was not a better-than-nothing exile anymore.

Furthermore, quiet acceptance didn't shackle her speech and response to the adults surrounding her in the fortress. The author, Yosano Akiko during her time running the business, often had to put on a polite face and way of speaking to the customers and called out herself when she seemed childish; moreover, she had to endure the incredulity of the prominent figures in her life, and deal with its damages internally. Take this excerpt, for example:

‘Like her parents, the teacher hurt her pride by assuming that she was less intellectually and morally advanced than she actually was, but politeness kept her from objecting. Among her friends, Akiko could be open about her ambition and her pride, but with adults, she apparently felt she had to choose between a pained silence and outward disrespect, and the latter was impossible for her.’

Meanwhile, in the fortress, she could allow herself to be less restrictive with how she interacts with them. 

Even with Mori, her superior, she let go of the hesitation to speak her mind. It’s no surprise then, that by the end of it, her spirit was broken.

This opportunity for change—to make a change, meant the entire world to her. At last, she was able to help in the way that matters to her and appeals to her heart, she did not choose to be there because there were no other options. She was there for a purpose she believed in. Her service was met with gratitude, they accepted her presence, not simply tolerated it.

Until things went south. 

And it did in ways that reignited the severity of an existing fear within our Yosano. How, and why is this the case? 

The poet, until about fifteen years old, nurtured within her as she wrote, an ‘irrational anxiety about death,’ which ‘shaped her inner life.’ As if to fuel her unease, rumors circulated in Sakai (her hometown) about a certain family’s daughter who died bathed in blood after suffering for three days straight. This rumor made the young Yosano Akiko weep, imagining such a kind of suffering. And with these thoughts haunting her, she came up with a specific way in which she would accept death:

‘“If I am to die, let it be at night, so no one will see. I don’t want my suffering exposed to the light of day. I want to breathe my last alone at night in a dark room, letting death’s cruel hands claim me with lips firmly sealed, not a hair of my 

head out of place.”’

She even contemplated suicide, since it is the only way for her to die on her own terms.

Oftentimes, though, she’d take what she could to stay distracted from her mortality, which is mostly done by reading:

‘So here, in addition to the intellectual curiosity, the pleasure, and the inner

rebellion that motivated Akiko’s early reading, is another motive: escape from 

anxiety about her own mortality.’

She attempted to pacify her thoughts and emotions about death, through religion. However, despite her consideration, she ended up rejecting it. From the age of three or four, she hated the scent of incense being burned, going as far as to rush past the many temples that burned them. She disliked, too, sitting beside her parents with her hands clasped in prayer. Affirming and elaborating more on this, allow me to show you this passage:

‘The Buddhist teachings and legends they told her seemed no more than “fairytales for grownups” that could be of  no help to her in “preparing for death.”

Once she “asked if Gautama Buddha had really existed and, if so, what country he had been a citizen of ” and was told that she “would receive divine retribution” for her impertinence.

Every month her mother and her friends heard a lecture by a priest, but as soon as 

the lecture was over, the priest would join them in “ordinary gossip, speaking ill of people behind their backs.”

Akiko “realized that these believers were not even one-tenth as serious as I was about... life and death and that even after twenty or thirty years of visiting temples and praying they were still not saved.” If they had no hope, she reasoned, how much less had she. And so she 

concluded that it was “useless” for her “to expect to be helped by Jòdo Shin-

shû.”’

What did encapture her, and attract her (as said in the biography) then?

Alongside the stories of heroic virgins in Japanese myths, she too was moved by Sokkyò Shijin which was the Japanese translation of The Improviser, translated by—guess who? Ougai Mori. Yes, him. Now I want you to witness this excerpt from the biography:

‘“I envied the pure, noble life of virgin empresses like the goddess Amaterasu. The imperial virgins of Ise and Kamo also filled me with longing. When I look back now on how I felt then, I think that, while squarely facing reality, I flew off and thought of my future in beautiful, idealistic terms, and wanted to stay a pure, undefiled virgin, like an angel, all my life.”’

Considering the new information, we can once again connect it to our Yosano and conclude that BSD Yosano also shared the poet’s fear of death and mortality. Besides her disconnect with her family, she wanted to prevent others from experiencing the fear of dying in a gruesome and undignified manner, which is why she allowed herself to be drafted for war. If you’ll allow me to speculate further, I’d say dying for her (at least she believed) should be a choice, or at the very least should be aligned with the personal preferences and ideals of the person dying—and this principle of hers, augmented the horror she has felt and has bestowed upon the soldiers because what exactly did the weaponizing of her ability bereave the soldiers of, exactly? The control they have over their own death. 

She wanted to save them from death, and she did. Until they didn't want to—until, she didn't want to, anymore. But she, a child, never stood a chance against what she was actually there for. She was there as a tool to convey a new age of weaponry which were abilities.

The scene with Kaji must have allowed these memories to resurface, he called the train bombing incident an experiment, and in a sense she too was an experiment—like the soldiers, she was there to further the idea and be the evidence that abilities were the weapons of the future that will completely change the battlefield, without any guarantee that she or the soldiers would achieve success, or leave intact.

And they didn’t—not them, not her.

For now, this is all I have for our Yosano.

Or is it? Before we end this I’d like to speculate even more about the significance of Mori as a figure in our Yosano’s life—the poet was moved, her heart attached to the real Mori’s use of language in his translation, in how he wrote the nun—perhaps, BSD Yosano put an equal amount of trust and faith in Mori, his intentions, his treatment of her. Given the real Yosano’s experiences and applying the same to our Yosano, she has every reason to be distrustful and skeptical of suddenly being drafted out of all the older, more experienced people by another adult. So there must be something about BSD Mori’s language, too, that persuaded her and moved her the same way the real Yosano was affected by it. For the first time she believed—relied on him, despite experiencing so many disheartening memories dealt to her by older figures in her life.

Okay, I’m serious now, this is the end. I hope you enjoyed and most of all I hope you appreciate her more as a character, that would be the greatest achievement this post could make.

my main is @ice-devourer jic u wanna talk more abt this, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING OMG!

[littleoddwriter]

Character Analysis: Cooper Abbott (Trap, 2024)

Hello there and welcome to me being painfully autistic (this is meant as a lighthearted joke; but also... yeah)! In order to get it out of my system, I wrote an in-depth character analysis on Cooper Abbott (played by Josh Hartnett) in the movie Trap (written, produced and directed by M. Night Shyamalan). The analysis only focuses on specific points, because otherwise it'd be even longer and more convoluted than it already is. I will make separate posts about the other points I didn't have a chance to mention/analyse (like the relation of Lady Raven's songs to Cooper's emotional journey, technical aspects, acting choices, and pretty much entire scene analyses) eventually, though. This is by no means an "official" analysis, just something I wrote for fun because that's how my brain works and I really needed to get those thoughts out there. But if they spark a conversation, that'd make me very happy, too! Anyone who finds themselves reading this: I hope you enjoy my interpretations, and I'd love to hear your own thoughts if you wanted to share them! But always remember to be kind and respectful!

The points I covered in this analysis:

Surface level traits and facts about Cooper Abbott

Relationship with Riley (and Logan, by extent) In contrast: his wife Rachel

Motivations during the movie (escape, not getting caught, keeping his two lives separate and balanced) Also: motivations for killing (trauma)

Key Conflict + Epiphany: his love for his children and thus, the fear of getting caught

What does all this mean for Cooper as a character, and by extension, us, the viewer?

Disclaimer: In the section for his motivations for killing, I will be taking a look at the claim that he has OCD. I, myself, have OCD and am talking from personal experience and knowledge I gathered through subsequent research and therapy; but that doesn't mean I'm an expert or that you have to agree with my takes, just because I'm looking at it through a more personal lens. Speaking of, when I mention his trauma and abnormal psychology as cause for his murders, I by no means want to say that everyone like this is automatically prone to being a violent or dangerous person. That's not true whatsoever, please remember that. (Once again, I'm talking from experience here, as well.) This is merely an interpretation of a fictional character, who was written to be this way. Also, of course, take what I say with a grain of salt. This is just for fun and not meant to be on an academic level (hence the lack of sources because I was mostly talking from what I just know, and obviously the movie itself, such as interviews with Josh Hartnett and M. Night).

Anyway:

To start off, I want to talk about the most basic, certain facts about Cooper Abbott that we get throughout the movie. Who is he on the surface? How does he appear to others? What do we know about “the Butcher”?

On the surface, Cooper Abbott is a cisgender, white, middle-aged (estimated to be in his early forties) male of the middle class, who lives in the Philadelphian suburbs with his family, consisting of his wife Rachel, his young teenage daughter Riley, and his younger son Logan. Cooper is a firefighter, and most likely has been one for up to twenty years at that point, depending on when he started his training and if he went to college beforehand. He managed to create the ideal family life. He’s a very involved and good father, who deeply cares about his children’s wellbeing and happiness, and does anything he can to achieve that, like buying concert tickets to Lady Raven for Riley as a reward for her good grades, and coming along with her.

To others, he appears like the ideal husband and father, and regular citizen. He seems like a completely normal and functioning member of society with good values, a great family, and who works as a first responder in the fire department, which is a noble career to pursue. He generally presents as the perfect example of what the modern man of his status 'should' be. On top of that, he’s incredibly charming and easily makes people open up to him, want to keep him around, and reveal information to him that they wouldn’t (and shouldn’t) give up to other strangers like him. He appears like a friend; even when he’s just met the other person. He’s non-threatening and trustworthy, and also humble. He can be pushy, but backtracks enough with believable excuses and commonly used phrases to make the other person feel at ease and like he’s only a well-meaning person, clumsily and charmingly asking for help or information.

For example, when he asks Jamie about all the extra security at the venue, and later asks to come back to the storage room with him, where he swipes his keycard, all the while making friendly conversation and getting information he needs from Jamie that he shouldn’t even be able to get otherwise. But by letting Jamie witness his “good values” as a family by allowing the other girl to get the shirt first, so as to not start a fight, and telling him he works in the fire department, and helping him with the heavy box, he creates a bond of trust with the other man. In turn, Jamie willingly tells Cooper about the police and FBI presence, due to evidence that led them to believe a serial killer, the Butcher (Cooper), would be at the concert; and later, in the storage room, even going so far as to tell him his secret passcode for security, because Cooper is “on [their] side” by being a firefighter and evidently great father. Another example of that is how Cooper got Riley to be chosen to be the girl for “Dreamer Girl” to get on stage with Lady Raven and backstage later. To achieve that, Cooper talks to one of the spotter’s he sees around, humbly and a little clumsily telling him how grateful he and Riley are to be there, while revealing in a lie that she had just recovered from leukemia, and that all he wanted is for the Spotter to thank Lady Raven for them to put on such a great show and make Riley happy, after having felt “cursed” due to her sickness. All of that is an effective manipulation and a lie, which only Cooper knows, but clearly strikes a chord in the other man that leads to Riley being chosen without her ever finding out how or why.

Then, there is this side of Cooper that nobody knows is his. “The Butcher”, as the media refers to Cooper Abbott’s serial killing. According to the media, the Butcher had been actively pursued by the police and FBI for seven years at the time of the movie, and twelve victims had been found and linked to him, based on evidence. His victims, as far as we know, consist of people of various ages, genders, and ethnicities. The thing they apparently had in common was that they were all good, selfless people. A young father of a two-year old boy, taking care of his parents, while working as a teacher, and even being awarded as “most liked teacher”; and another young man, who is into sustainable agriculture. We are also told about a woman without further details, leading to the thought that his victims come from all backgrounds. The bodies were normally found out in the open, chopped into pieces with a meat cleaver, hence dubbing him “the Butcher”. In the psychological profile of the Butcher, it was determined that he possibly had maternal issues and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), which is supported by Cooper hallucinating his mother, and evidently having been punished and severely traumatised by her growing up, such as his extreme need for control in every way. His abnormal psychology becomes more and more evident throughout the movie and will be discussed further down.

Now that the more basic facts are out of the way, I’d like to focus on the two key relationships we witness in the film. His relationship with his daughter Riley, and by extension his son Logan. And in contrast, his relationship with his wife Rachel.

The film starts with showing the audience what a great and secure relationship Cooper and Riley have as father and daughter. He lets her happily, and loudly, play her music in the car while singing along, albeit off-key, and encourages her. He calms her down when she’s stressed about being late to the concert, explains to her to not trust random sellers in front of the venue, and continuously tries to cheer her up and get her excited when she starts getting into her own head about things, and succeeds. We are also shown that he cares about her wellbeing beyond the present moment and that they have a trusting bond where they can talk about anything with each other, which is made evident when Riley opens up about her being left out and possibly picked on by girls at school. Cooper shows her compassion and understanding for her situation and feelings about it, and follows that up by making her laugh again and distracting her from it. As well as being emotionally close, Cooper is also physically affectionate toward Riley by often keeping a hand on her upper back or shoulder, and around her head, such as embracing her, and kissing the top of her head on several occasions, all of which she’s happy to receive and reciprocate, and sometimes even initiates herself, making it a mutually close and loving bond they share.

Throughout the movie, we often witness him showing interest in anything that concerns Riley, be that the slang words she uses, her wanting a tour shirt, and most importantly, her hoping to be picked for “Dreamer Girl”. And, of course, while the latter is merely a way for Cooper to find an escape when he feels cornered, by having been shown all of the previous interactions between them, it’s safe to say that he’d at least shown interest and hope for her to be chosen, regardless of his own predicament. Something that’s also mentioned a lot is Riley’s good grades and the concert being a reward for them, which shows that it’s important in their family to work for what they receive, and that said work will always be appreciated and celebrated, which is also later shown with the whole family eating a pie Rachel baked for the occasion. Generally, Cooper is constantly shown to be incredibly involved in his children’s lives and to care deeply about them and their entire being, such as raising them to be confident and independent people with good values.

In addition to how he is with Logan, it can be interpreted that it’s not much different from how he is with Riley, except maybe appropriate for his younger age. Around the house, we can see drawings done by the kids and family photos that underline this. And when they all sit together around the coffee table to eat the pie, Logan is seated at Cooper’s side with his dad’s arm around him, signifying an emotionally and physically close relationship between them, as well. In the end, when Cooper confronts Rachel and confesses how enraged he is, directing those feelings toward her, it amazes him that he’s only angry because he won’t get to see his children again, once more conveying to the audience how important the kids are to Cooper, and how close their relationship actually is. Even if that, to him, is a huge revelation, which will be explored further down.

In contrast, Cooper’s relationship with his wife Rachel looks a little different. While on the photos around the house, they look happy and close to one another; especially on a photo that was taken at their wedding, there is a clear shift away from that when we see them interact once Cooper and Riley arrive at home, along with Lady Raven. Rachel seems reserved and keeps her distance from Cooper. As we later find out, that might have very well been because her suspicions that he’s the Butcher were more or less confirmed when he returned home with Lady Raven, and had Riley tell her that “dad’s acting strange”. Lady Raven does, indeed, confirm it a few minutes later and tells her that “Cooper is the Butcher”.

The movie’s finale takes place at their home again, after Cooper managed to flee from the police and FBI multiple times, having to let go of Lady Raven for that. There, he sits down with Rachel and discusses with her that he figured out how the authorities even got wind of him being at the concert because he knew it couldn’t have been his own mistake, as he’s too meticulous about that, in order to keep his two lives separate. Rachel admits to following Cooper to one of his safe houses, planting a torn piece of the receipt for the concert ticket, and then leaving an anonymous tip for the police that the house might belong to the Butcher. She says she did it to either get them closer to Cooper or prove her wrong of her suspicions, as it dawned on her over time that perhaps he was this wanted serial killer she kept seeing on the news, because he was often away at night, brought home jewellery that he made up lies about where he got the items from, and smelled of cleaning fluid used at hospitals, rather than the one he would use at the fire department.

Throughout the entire conversation, it is evident that Rachel, while terrified, is also grieving. She just lost her husband and the picture perfect family life she had built with him over the years, and is now confronted with the thought that it had all been nothing but a lie for him. Cooper, on the other hand, doesn’t display such feelings at all. He doesn’t appear remorseful of using her this way, nor does he seem to grief what they had now that he knows it’s all gone because he’d been caught. Instead, he is angry, feeling betrayed, and perhaps even hating her for ruining everything for them all. After all, if it hadn’t been for her, nobody would have ever known about his presence at the concert, and none of the things that transpired would have happened at all. But as mentioned above, his anger is directed toward her for the fact that he’ll never see Riley and Logan again, not because he’d been caught or lost his wife along with his children. In fact, he planned on committing murder-suicide with her as revenge and to keep himself out of prison. All of these things point toward Rachel having never been more than a tool to Cooper to keep appearances as a normal citizen without a sinister side to him. He seemed to have never loved her at all; although, perhaps that was true at the beginning of their relationship for a little while. Even so, his love would have been different to what other people would feel, and it is also revealed that he seems to have never felt strongly before, which further supports that he was never actually in love with Rachel.

Since Cooper is the protagonist of the film, we follow him throughout, only ever experiencing anything from his perspective. And that brings me to my next point: his motivations.

The first aspect of this is pretty straightforward. The entire movie is about Cooper Abbott trying not to get caught by the authorities, thus escaping the concert without being detected, and also without ruining it for his daughter. He becomes increasingly desperate to achieve his goals and keep the balanced life he had worked so hard to build, but finds a dead end at every turn he makes, until the second half of the movie. He’s motivated by his need to keep Riley happy and in the dark, while wanting to stay completely undetected and get out of the venue. He can’t let the authorities even see him as a potential suspect, which is exactly why, after several failed attempts to escape, and managing to get backstage, but being faced with the threat of a police inspection, Cooper asks Lady Raven for a private talk, once more playing the card of Riley’s made-up leukemia recovery. Once he’s alone with Lady Raven, he works himself up to revealing his identity as the Butcher to her, showing her his current victim - Spencer, who is captured in a basement - and explaining to her that he can easily kill Spencer with carbon monoxide poisoning by releasing it from a small box in the basement with one push of a button on his phone. Thus, he effectively pressures Lady Raven into helping him and Riley out of the entire venue without going through the police inspections first, as they’ll ride with her in the limousine.

His motivation, after having been outed as the Butcher, is not to escape, necessarily, but to kill Lady Raven, his wife, and himself, putting an end to everything, now that he has no leverage anymore with Lady Raven having managed to have Spencer rescued, and the police and FBI knowing who he is, there’s no escape for him. 

This brings me to his motivation for killing. We know, on a surface level, that he’d been actively searched for his murders for seven years, and that twelve victims have been linked back to him, due to similar modus operandi and location (presumably, since we don’t know about other evidence linking the murders to one killer). We also learn how he chooses his victims when he tells Lady Raven that he felt “the urge” once he saw her behind the curtain at the concert, and explains to her that it’s almost an odd experience for him to feel that way, but that he thinks it’s when he “see[s] someone who thinks they’re whole”, which “can never be true” because “everyone’s in pieces”. This also explains what his victims had in common by being people too good to be true, so to speak. They were seemingly selfless, genuinely good and caring people that might have felt fulfilled with their role in life.

Later, we also find that Cooper is described as “profoundly different” by the FBI profiler, Dr. Grant, and that he’s never felt any deep emotions before or could build real connections to people, according to what Cooper implied about himself, at least. Thus, supporting the thought that when Cooper says, “everyone’s in pieces”, he’s mostly talking about himself and expecting everyone else to be the same way, because all his life he’d been taught that he’s missing something by not being like the majority of people. That leads to the connection to his mother in his motivation for killing.

Throughout the movie, we’re shown that Cooper hallucinates his mother as an elderly woman, implying that her memory is haunting him. With her being shown as an old lady, it could also be interpreted that she died of old age and that the image in Cooper’s mind is what she looked like when Cooper last saw her before her passing. This conclusion is mostly reached by the fact that, as far as we know, the murders only began seven years prior to the movie’s events, and it is often said that there are specific moments in somebody’s life that could trigger such things as killing. Supporting this is the fact that we’re told that Cooper had often been punished in his youth, presumably by his mother, whose love and approval he always longed for, which might have kept him somewhat grounded for most of his life. And thus, her death could have possibly triggered him to give into his urges because there’s no more love and approval to anticipate from his mother. We get a glimpse of that when Lady Raven attempts to deter Cooper from hurting her inside the car, as she pretends to talk to him in a way that his mother might have by speaking in a harsher tone and threatening punishment if he didn’t stop; but then she turns it around and attempts a level of empathy by calling him a “good boy” and saying that “[he] can choose to be good”. He doesn’t fall for it, knowing that she’s trying to get under his skin with things that the FBI had told her about him; but there is some truth in it.

This is especially implied when, at the end of the movie, Cooper is drugged with his own tranquillising powder and hallucinates his mother talking to him; although, as we find out, it’s actually Dr. Grant posing as his mother. She gets through to him by telling him that she’s proud of him for finally feeling such anger, and “not all of [him] is a monster”, and that “it’s good [he’s] stopping the monster”. This scene is also when he reveals that he “thought [he] was pretending, but [he] wasn’t” about his love for his children. So, his motivation for killing would be the trauma of having been constantly punished by his mother for being different and perhaps unruly, when all he ever wanted was her love and approval, only to never receive any; thus, resenting anyone that seemed to have it all together and needing to take it away from them by killing them. This is also represented in his crime scenes, where his victims are found chopped into pieces and scattered all over the location they’re found in, relating back to his comment that “everyone’s in pieces”. 

Something that should be mentioned here is that it is mentioned in the movie that the Butcher might suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) by Lady Raven as she more or less parrots information she gathered from the FBI to subtly alert Cooper’s family to his true being, while pushing Cooper into revealing himself with those pointed remarks.

Throughout the movie, there are small moments that indicate that Cooper, indeed, suffers from OCD, which mostly presents as an extreme need for control. For example, we see him neatly fold his napkins at the stadium, fixing the towels at home, despite more pressing issues at hand, such as checking on his captive victim via camera, while he's at the concert, and often repeating that “[he’s] in control”, and only revealing his true feelings about his situation when he feels said control slip through his fingers. Only in such moments does his mask break, showing parts of his true self, until he doesn’t hide it anymore once it is out in the open anyway. His OCD is not a motivation for his killings, but it is evidently a component of his abnormal psychology that might have played into his mother’s abuse and his subsequent trauma and response; although he could have also developed his OCD as a result of his traumatic childhood.

In addition, the possibility that he has OCD at all is pretty likely due to aforementioned examples, but also how he finds comfort in planning the captivities and murders, just as much as the killing itself, as he confessed to Rachel. The obsessions and resulting compulsions in people with OCD are often linked back to a need for control and comfort, no matter the nature of the thoughts and urges. Obsessing over particular things is normally the distressing part and the compulsion is then something to soothe oneself and momentarily get rid of the obsessive thoughts and fears, thus finding comfort in them; even if the compulsions end up harmful to oneself or others in some way. On top of that, when Cooper feels himself losing the control he had over the situation with Lady Raven and his family, he can’t hold back his immediate reaction of distress and anger by banging on the closed bathroom door and not letting up; eventually going so far as yelling, “open the goddamn door”, uncaring of his children witnessing him in a state such as this, which should be extremely unusual for him. Everything is lost to him in that moment, and he’s caught up in the desperate need to gain back control, that his reaction is disproportionately intense, in comparison to his usual lack of emotional participation in what is happening around him or to him. When a person’s compulsive need for something cannot be fulfilled once triggered, it can lead to such great distress as was displayed with Cooper when Lady Raven was hiding in the bathroom with his phone, therefore creating more credibility to the claim that the Butcher/Cooper Abbott has OCD.

I’ve mentioned Cooper’s relationship with his children and his realisation that he’s capable of deeper feelings and connections a few times already, and now I’d like to take a closer look at that revelation and the conflict it created for Cooper throughout the entire film.

As stated above, Cooper’s youth consisted of being punished by his mother, not receiving the love, care and approval he needed and longed for, which later translated to a trauma response that led him to commit murders. Among all of that, there’s also that he never got a chance to develop normally as a child, which could very well be the reason for his lack of deep emotions and empathy, none of which he ever received or learned to have.

It can also be thought that because of how Cooper’s mother saw him and clearly conveyed this image to him, he had a distorted sense of who he was, fitting himself into the box he was forced into by his mother as a child and never finding a way out of it. Technically, once he grew up and made a life for himself, he could have realised that she wasn’t right about him; but instead, he was stuck in this specific image that he was convinced of and now believed to be entirely true about himself. This image that he was a monster, that he was incapable of love and real, deep connections to other people, and genuine feelings in general. All of it went so far that he had convinced himself that his fatherhood was nothing but a performance to keep cover. This entire time, he believed that when he showed love, care, and interest in his children and their lives, it was only pretense. It’s only during the movie’s events, when he’s confronted with the threat of losing his children to being found out as the Butcher, that he realises just how important they truly are to him, that it’s not all about having a cover, and that he genuinely feels affection for his kids.

This revelation, as amazing as it is for him at the end when everything is lost for him anyway, is also what creates the biggest conflict for him throughout the movie. Instead of just finding a way to escape undetected, no matter what or how, he constantly has to look out for Riley as well, make sure he doesn’t ruin the concert for her and drag her into this. And he has to stay close to her, which means that he can’t leave for long periods of time to figure a way out; even though he tries and eventually runs out of excuses and opportunities as Riley grows more concerned and therefore aware of his strange behaviour. In the end, he does manage to combine both interests by getting Riley to be chosen for “Dreamer Girl”, but it comes with unforeseen consequences when Lady Raven joins them at their home, and the movie’s finale takes place with Cooper being found out and having to escape custody several times.

To Rachel, he admits that his rage is “unfamiliar” to him, as he “never felt this before” and it makes him “feel out of control”; but the reason for it is “amazing” to him because it’s caused by the knowledge that he won’t see Riley and Logan grow up. And when Dr. Grant later poses as Cooper’s mother and tells him that she’s proud of him for feeling such anger, he also says, with pleasant surprise in his voice, “I thought I was pretending, but I wasn’t”, which implies that his lack of emotional involvement has been part of his conflict with his mother all his life, and that it’s reason for him to have believed that he was incapable of such; even when he clearly cared about his children. It never registered to him, until that specific night, that maybe his mother, and by extension Cooper himself, was wrong about him. 

What does all of this mean for Cooper Abbott as a character, though?

For one, he’s incredibly complex. There are many different layers to him that can be explored at length, and I still have only scratched the surface here. There’s this side of him that only he knows about, the Butcher, but also his childhood, which he probably never revealed to anyone before. At the same time, he’s a picture perfect family man, a firefighter, an unassuming citizen, and deep down, a hurt child that never had a chance to heal. And with that comes the fact that his complexity is merely part of being human; especially a grown adult with forty-plus years of experience. His character is an interesting one to take a closer look at because he poses questions that humans are naturally curious about and want answers to, but are also afraid of truly exploring those darker corners in depth. Cooper allows us to go there because he’s fictional and there’s no real harm done when looking into his murders, for example.

Cooper, at his core, is like an amalgamation of those serial killers whose names we all know, and who are usually described in ways that we witnessed Cooper to be in the movie; and that presents a challenge to the audience. We’re faced with a protagonist, who is a murderer, and a good father, and a traumatised child at heart; and we want him to get away, until we catch ourselves wanting that and remembering who he truly is. But is that all true? Is he truly only a monster? I think that, specifically, is what makes Cooper Abbott as a character so intriguing. He challenges our perception of murderers being those monsters, through and through; especially when we witness him being a great father. It forces us to look into that and wonder how that might relate back to our reality.

To wrap this up, what I think it means for Cooper as a character is that he’s human just like everyone else, uncomfortably so. He’s an exploration of the darkest shades a human has, but also shows the brightest lights we have to offer when it comes to human interaction; especially family. And it’s uncomfortable to witness how the dark and the light can go hand-in-hand like this, possibly without anyone else ever knowing.

[battle-subway-ghost]

I have recently acquired two rattatas and am wondering if you have any advice on taking care of them that I should know.

@peridot-the-photographer

FUCK this got buried in my askbox. Hello I hope this isn't too late.

They should have a cage if you have a consistent place to live. Even battling rattatas should have a cage, in my opinion. Multiple "floors" and platforms are god for rattata.

Lots of people say your cage's starting size with enough space for 4-5 rattata even if you only have two, which is like 6 to 12 cubic feet. Do your own math and research for this please, I shouldn't be trusted with numbers.

SEAL GAPS IN YOUR HOUSE AND KEEP YOUR WINDOWS CLOSED. I cannot stress this shit enough, rattatas can get through really small spaces.

Enrichment. Give them enrichment. Inside and outside of their cage (or just outside, if your lifestyle doesn't fit a cage like I said earlier) The platforms are part of that, but they also like hammocks, ropes, ladders... Hides, toys (I use small flying type toys- make sure they're safe for rattata before though).

Putting this as a different bullet but DO NOT FORGET TO GIVE THEM THINGS TO CHEW ON. Arceus, please. Again make sure its safe

let them out of their cage at least once a day to play around. Just supervise them during it, obviously.

Im not an expert, I'm just some guy who happens to have three rattata, lmao. Do your own research and figure out how you want to care for them!

[uroboros-if]

Please please share some coding/designing wisdom. Your game is so damn pretty 😭😭😭 Could you tell us what template you used and how hard it was to make it look like it is today? I imagine so much work must have gone into it

😭😭 I am no expert, but these are just my rationale/methods behind the visual choices I made!

For the template I used—I used Vahnya's Template! However, this post by @/manonamora-if has a whole section for templates that I wish I saw or checked out before making my IF! In another lifetime, I might've just used nyehilism's template to achieve the bottom sidebar instead of torturing myself learning how to do it... ;;

Below, I go into detail the timeline of designing Uroboros, as well as advice through the process I went!

Design Timeline

I started designing the UI late October 2022, and kept fixing, changing, editing it well into February and maybe a little bit of March 2023.

October 2022 - Early iterations of the design. Looked for stock images and began implementing it to add a background to the sidebar and the actual passages. Swatched some color palettes and began implementing them into the IF. Later decided to make the sidebar on the bottom instead of on the side. Also, added a title screen.

November - Testing different backgrounds for the IF's sidebar. Added a textbox to the passages, also worked on the black fade transitions.

December - Finished working on the sidebar background for both light and dark theme, began work on the background of the IF instead.

January 2023 - Finished working on the dark and light theme backgrounds! Started work on drawing the skill icons for light and dark theme, and finished!

February - Changed the title screen to look better on mobile, created a circle logo, added a border to the textbox. Also, made further edits for light theme.

March - Just remade the "Uroboros" logo.

If you're wondering why it took approximately 5 months to get to the final version—don't worry! I wasn't working only on the design for 5 months. My partner helped make the edits for the design, while I worked on coding them in and writing.

I spent a lot of time trying to get a grasp on Javascript, SugarCube, and HTML all throughout this time as well, to know how to fluidly add these things. Meaning, while I was working on these visual elements, I was also figuring out how to do the "looking" mechanic, black and white transitions, figuring out how Tweego worked, radio buttons, and so on.

Do note I've been busy the entire time throughout, so perhaps you can do this much quicker than I can!

The "Secrets"

1. Please—look at IFs you love! What are some visual aspects of other IFs that you love and want to include in your story? I started by analyzing parts of other IFs that I love. I liked Wayfarer's textbox; I liked how the choices looked in When Twilight Strikes. I liked the textboxes in the beginning of Zorlok. Find the things that amaze you about other IFs, and implement it your own way!

This seems like super basic advice—but trust me, once you think, "How can I put this in my game?" you will not only be able to have it, but most likely, you'll also learn a LOT.

While seeing how I could make the radio buttons, for example, I started researching. I googled "How to live change text?" and then I found out about jQuery, how to use the replace macro, etc. etc. JUST from researching how to do exactly one (1) feature.

2. What is missing in other IFs? Think about your own reading experience. I didn't like the clunkiness of some, how the sidebar is on the side when space on a mobile-screen is severely limited length-wise. So, I put the sidebar on the bottom.

I didn't like how other choices look in IFs, so I wanted a way to do mine that's nice and elegant(though it's still a little hard to read, admittedly).

Again, researching how to do the things you want opens many doors for you. I learned how to style <li> and change how bullets look, learned how to style links in Twine in general, etc. etc. again with just this ONE thing I wanted to change/add.

3. Don't do the work all by yourself. I struggled so hard because I hate asking for help. I was happy to Google other people's problems, but I never thought to open up my own thread or ask anybody in the community for help. Please, not only ask, but also—your work doesn't have to be completely original.

Use templates. Look at manon's amazing masterlist of things you can implement. I also have a few macro's that you can use, like multipronouns for MC, that does the work for you, for free.

Rip people's codes—respectfully. I'm not saying from other IFs, but online in other places. If they appear on help forums or are publicly available through places like CodePen, chances are that they're open-source or licensed in such a way that anyone can use it (e.g. MIT license).

Again, here is Manon's masterlist, which includes custom macros you can use in your game (Chapel, HiEv and Cycy are my high recommendations)! Additionally, here's my code for multipronouns here and my code for setting RO genders here.

4. MAKE IT READABLE!! Even if you want your game to look pretty... please, I'm begging you, make it easy to read. This is the most important thing ever.

I have a short attention span, and so does my partner. We reviewed the game to make sure we are NOT compromising the reading experience with our design. As much as we want fantastical backgrounds, we wanted to make sure it was at least not distracting. As much as we want gaudy styles, we want the actual passage to be suited for the long haul.

The most, most important part is to enhance the reading experience--not by adding things on, but by making it simple and intuitive. As someone in the computer science field, the user experience is CRITICAL. Put yourself in their shoes, think about them first and foremost.

Twine is amazingly customizable, and its powers can be wielded for good and evil. Plenty of amazing writers but inexperienced UI designers, especially from CoG, get into Twine. CoG almost completely takes away the design element, so Twine is a whole new ballpark.

Uroboros has a lot of pomp, but the actual textbox is uncharacteristically simple in comparison. The simplicity against an otherwise fantastical, but non-distracting background helps give it elegance. The sidebar, in contrast, is very eye-catching—but, it's also out of view most of the time, and isn't built for long reading.

To add on, make sure it's readable on mobile. I guarantee 80% of your readers are going to be reading your IF on their phone, and probably at 3 AM, so you will want the mobile to look as good as PC, or even better.

Closing Thoughts

Anyway, as basic as this advice is, this is really what guided my entire thought process behind my visual choices! -- Picking and choosing what you like from IFs, figuring out how to do them through research, and making sure your IF is built to be read for a while.

Thanks so much for asking, thinking that I have wisdom to impart!! 😭🫶💕

[thewonderingbard]

Hi, I saw you do request, I couldn't find anything that said you where closed or not so I'm just throwing this out here to see if you take it, if you're request are closed then please ignore this, and I'm sorry.

For my request, I was hoping to request reader x with some of the characters, again didn't see if there's a limit. So could it be where undertale bros, underfell, underswap, horrortale. Find reader having a seizure? Not like a live threatung one but one where they just come home, find reader on the ground, having a Seizure.

Thank you for reading this and please ignore if you are busy or not open. Stay safe and good day/night!!!

Hi! My requests are always open it just often takes a bit for me to get to them as I am in school and I can get easily distracted!

Please note I am not an expert on seizures. I have never seen or experienced one. All I know is certain types of seizure may cause a person to shake,convulse and drop to floor.

Yet again I am not a medical professional.

To be prepared incase anyone you know has a seizure I would recommend looking into the recovery position as it may help.

Under the cut due to the topic being triggering for some.

UT Sans - Vanilla

If it's the first time you are having a seizure he panics, he isn't sure what to do but he tries helping by rolling up his jacket and putting it under your head to stop it from gaining an injury. He then calls the hospital and the people there guide him on what to do. If it's not your first time having a seizure then he still panics and does the same as if it's your first one only this time he calls the hospital if it lasts longer than a minute. When you come to he gives you a massive hug and quickly tries to get you sat down somewhere to take some medication.

UT Papyrus - Paps

When he walks through the door and sees you on the ground convulsing, he is by your side in seconds. He instantly cushions your head, loosens anything tight around your neck and puts you into the recovery position. He has no option but to wait it out, he calls if the seizure lasts longer than 1 minute. He mostly knew what to do due to his job as a paramedic so he knows how to think fast and remain calm. When you regain consciousness again he asks

"Are You Alright, My Datemate? Do You Require Anything?"

Only after ensuring you are alright, he gives you one of his signature hugs.

US Sans - Blue

He panics, so much. He shouts for his brother unsure of what to do. Honey somehow knows what to do. But that unfortunately does not stop Blue from calling every single emergency number. Sorry S/O some hospital in Malaysia now knows you are having a seizure. Once you stop convulsing he instantly runs to the kitchen to get you some water. He is asking non-stop questions. Honey has to tell him to stop overwhelming you as it may put you under more stress. He apologises but he can't stop thinking about it for days.

US Papyrus - Honey

See, Honey is extremely paranoid. So when he started his relationship with you he researched all the possible things that could happen to you and a seizure is one of them. He mirrors the swiftness of Paps and does everything to make sure you don't hurt yourself. After the seizure he says

"There you are my honey-bee..."

He does however feel sorry that he wasn't there when the seizure first started. He is on edge for a few days following you around but it gets better.

UF Sans - Red

He is one of the skeletons who I imagine also has seizures , Red's however are due to epilepsy. Because of his own experiences, he is able to help you and knows what to do. He tries and coxes you through it however saying things like,

"Come one, baby...you're stron'...you can make it through dis"

When you come to, he makes sure you are alright. Did you take any medication?

If it's your first time having a seizure he takes you to the hospital anyway just to make sure that you're alright.

UF Papyrus - Edge

Has helped his brother through many a seizure and is sure he can help you. While he does do everything right, he is however panicking. Despite having helped Red he is unsure of what to do after all the steps to ensure your safe. What do you mean he just has to wait it out? When you come to, he gently lifts you into his arms and carries you into the kitchen. He grabs a bottle of water and a few snacks, he walks into the living room sits down and ensures you drink the water and eat the snacks.

HT Sans - Seaweed

He is the other skeleton who experiences seizures, Seaweeds are caused by the horrible PTSD he gained in the underground. He runs to your side and instantly gets you into recovery position, he unfortunately can not remember the other steps . So he calls Papaya as Papaya has plans for everything. When you come to, he pulls you into his chest and starts purring as he is happy you are okay.

HT Papyrus - Papaya

As stated above, Papaya has a plan for everything. When it comes to you , his physical limitations are out the window.He doesn't care that he might not be able to walk tomorrow he is making sure you are alright.Plus he has helped his brother through manny a seizure before.When you come to he literally feeds you an exergy bar and a bottle of water, for the next few days you are under the watchful eye of Papaya ,who if he sees one thing wrong with you, OFF TO THE HOSPITAL YOU GO.

-------------------------

Sorry it took me so long to write this if I'm being truthful I didn't notice it in my ask box and when I did I got distracted so I would like to apologise for that.

I do hope you have a safe day or night.

Thank you for requesting - Morganna

[trans-luis-serra-navarro]

Hii!!!

Thank you so much for tagging me before, I hope this isn't too late (?) Days are hectic for me but nonetheless, I would very much like to touch up on your tips and advice you have when writing for Luis. I loved him in the remake, and I would very much love to do him justice in some form of written work!

Thank you for reaching out, this really helps me!!

<3

HIHIHI ITS NOT A PROBLEM AT ALL!!!!! And don’t worry it’s NEVER too late!!! I have stuff sitting in my inbox from like. December HCNEHNDJDJJXNS

I Must admit I’m not really an expert nor am I much of a profession fanfic writer or anything- I only do it for fun!!!! So if you want something like, more specific PLEASE pretty please feel free to ask I’d be more than happy to help!!!! But in terms of general tips and tricks??? Here’s a few that I have under the cut!!!

As weird as this is gonna sound a lot of time I’ll just go and watch Luis’ voice actor André Peña’s streams on Twitch to try and pick up on lil mannerisms or speech quirks that get shown in-game!!!! If I can find an example I’ll put it here, but just generally picking up on what Luis would theoretically sound like if he were talking in a casual conversation helps me out!!!!! (Also he’s just in general a very lovely guy and his twitch streams are always fun so I reccomended them if you’re able to catch one!!!)

On a similar note, if you’re watching any cutscenes and any small characteristic sticks out to you- use that to your advantage!!!! I’ve always noticed how he kinda smiles differently when in different situations/levels of stress/talking to different people so I use that to my advantage when writing scenes with him!!!!

OR OR EVEN, if you’re able to and have the time, go look at older livestreams where the cast talk about their roles in RE4R and see what André has to say about Luis!!!!!! I’m more than happy to link the streams once I can find them again if you want!!!!!!!!! Seeing the actors be so genuine and passionate about the characters and putting their whole selves into the role truly does make them feel just so,,,, h u m a n <<<<33

Also, I know everyone and their mother says this, but research truly does help!!!!! There’s a LOT of things people miss about his character if you only view him on a surface-level or go into his character assuming he’s just a cardboard cutout ���bad-guy-turned-good’ Typa character, so reading analysis posts on him to get a better idea of why he does what he does and how he is as a person will really help!!!! (Obviously I’ve got my own posts under the tag #luisposting or #othersposts, but the lovely @blveherb has some amazing posts of their own I can’t recommend enough!!!!)

There’s a LOOOOOOT of just. Very incorrect misinformation out there HXNSUSJ (staring at you resident evil fan wiki. Staring at you. VERY HARD) so if you ever come across a post that seems to only lean towards a negative view of Luis as a character or never gives him the benefit of the doubt,,,, it most likely won’t have been made with good taste in mind or properly researched HCNEHENDUDJ

Also also also, looking for things that he was directly inspired by!!!!!! I C A N N O T make this post without mentioning the 1957 Don Quixote film- it’s free on YouTube and it is SOOOOOO SOSOSOSOSOSOSO GOOD!!!!! Capcom TRULY put their all into the Don Quixote symbolism in his character and if you’re able to get your hands on a copy of the book, it’s well worth the read!!!

AGAIN on a similar note- looking at his culture and history is SOOOOOOOO important!!!! For example, the beginning of Seperate Ways features Luis doing a style of Flamenco called ‘Seguiriyas’- and once I’m awake in the morning and fully able to navigate the horror of the tumblr tagging system I’ll look for a post that goes deeper into this HCNEHWNEUDJDIS but Indigenous and Spanish culture are full of such rich and beautiful history you can pull from it is SO worth taking a look!!! Not to mention, you can play around with the fact that Luis was raised pretty Hardcore Catholic or the fact that it’s implied his Grandfather fought in/would have survived the Spanish Civil war as concepts a ton!!!

And if you’re writing specifically for Serennedy, taking a look at the Queer history of Spain/Europe as a whole is DEFINITELY worth your time!!!!! Looking back and remembering the people who came before us is always important and lends a hand to how we perceive our own funny lil fictional guys BCBEHENEJDNXJ

That being said, I only ever see this with writers who already have bigoted views and you seem like literally the nicest person EVERRRRRR so this TOTALLY isn’t directed at you!!!!!! But it’s super important not to fall into just straight-up racist stereotypes- calling Luis a predator, saying he’s a sex-driven animal, generally referring to him as ‘dirty’ etc is stuff that unfortunately you don’t JUST see with Luis but with many other POC characters too (like Carlos for example- he gets the brunt of it a LOT) so when you see stuff like this, don’t be afraid to call it out!!!!!!

I HOPE THIS LONG ASS POST DIDNT SCARE YOU OFF OR ANYTHING AHDNWHENXUDNXIX I TRIED MY BEST TO COVER ALL OF MY BASES CUZ I WASNT SURE WHAT KIND OF TIPS YOU WANTED!!!!!!!!! Again if you want something more specific feel free to ask!!!!!!!!

[fadingdaggerr]

Okay first odd but like universe speaking to me special that your biker schemmenti post came right as I realized I want to own a bike and I'm like doing research but you said your in a biker family and I was wondering if you have any recommendations??? Also wanted to say I really like your posts!!! I'm glad I'm coming out of my shell to commend you great writers and again great work and hope this doesn't bother you!!! 🥺

hi darling! thank you for the compliment, it really means the world to hear from you guys.

by no means am i am expert in bikes, but if you mean recommendations for the motorcycle itself, i’m biased to say look at harley davidson. they have so many different models for different levels of riders. the lighter bikes are probably best for new riders. maybe the Sportster XL (xl stands for extra light, not large) or the Street 750

i’ve never ridden a sports bike like a suzuki and kawasaki, so i don’t want to give any opinion where i haven’t formed one. usually looking up good beginners bikes a place to start. and don’t be afraid to test out different bikes!!

but if you mean for riding in general, it varies on where you live and stuff.

ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET. PROMISE ME.

never, and i mean NEVER ride with shorts on. even if it’s hot out. the metalwork will be blistering and you can and will get burned i’ve done it too many times i can’t grow hair on a patch of my leg.

you don’t need a motorcycle jacket, just a think enough one to protect you from wind hitting you. gloves are also 10/10 especially when it’s 50°F (10°C) or cooler. the air around you will always feel colder than it actually is outside

as for hair, it depends on your hair length and type. i’m a white person with longer 3A hair, so for me braiding it or a low bun works. pony tails just get tangled up. if you wear protective styles, i would highly recommend a scarf/bonnet/durag under the helmet

SUNSCREEN. TRUST. sunscreen and sunglasses if your helmet doesn’t have a tinted visor

research what’s recommended for your area for gear, especially with weather :)

i hope something here is helpful for you! people are sometimes bad with motorcycles on the road, so please stay vigilant. good luck on learning and be safe!!

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

since i seem to be becoming a titanic guy, ive decided to just lean into it and explain the best i can, in laymans terms, what happened to titan and why the design had been criticised by experts in the deep-sea diving community. 

i will preface this with the fact that im not an engineer. i have a psychology degree so this is not in my wheelhouse; im simply attempting to relay the information that has been made public in a more layman-friendly way. if i get anything wrong, please correct me.

a second preface is that quite a lot of this post is relying on oceanliner design’s video on this topic. though hes less critical of oceangate than i am, mike does a great job of breaking everything down so anyone can understand it. [any statements i make without listing a source are likely to be information from this video]

so with that out of the way, lets jump into it:

first, lets talk about what titan was. ive seen it described as a submarine by many people and im pretty sure ive also described it as such, but titan was a deep-sea submersible with a guiding philosophy of simplicity.

whats the difference between them?

submarines are self-independent vehicles meaning they do not rely on exterior support.

meanwhile, submersibles can submerge and can act independently to an extent, they primarily rely on exterior support such as being tethered to the mother-ship, or in titans case, receiving navigational inputs from said ship.

and here we meet our first bit of criticism; almost all other submersibles do not rely on external navigational inputs. they have their own equipment and systems for this. it may seem trivial, but as oceanographer peter girguis points out, these systems are as important for navigation as they are for the safety of the crew. [x]

when you are in water that deep, you need to know your exact position and be in constant contact with the mother ship. and its not as if oceangate did not have access to this technology, the beacons they use are commercially available. instead, they relied on short texts as a form of communication which is simply unacceptable. the submersible limiting factor has real-time verbal communication between those in the sub and those on the mother ship on dives 27,000 feet deeper than the titanic wreck.

“titan [did] not appear to have some of the other kinds of sensors, beacons and other systems that we use in research, that are also important just to maintain contact.”

“titan was not designed with research in mind.”

most deep-sea submersible designs are based around the design for the dsv alvin as it was one of the first of its kind. you might ask why its alvin that designs are based around and not another. well that would be because alvin was launched in 1964 and is still in use today and has completed over 5000 dives.

and this is why so many in the deep-sea submersible community are so outraged at titans design. titan was around 5 or 6 years old when it imploded; alvin is 59 this year. we have the technology to create submersibles like alvin or limiting factor that are arguably safer to be in than on the deck of a ship [x]; this disaster should never have fucking happened.

okay, so now lets move onto the actual design of titan which differs very much to most other deep-sea submersible and this is not a good thing. the reason most designs are so similar is because these features have been shown time and time again to be safe. again, ill refer to what peter girguis stated:

anyway, ill get back on topic. this is alvins design:

alvins pressure vessel is a large sphere with titanium walls that are 2 inches or 5cm thick. titanium is used as it is a very strong metal as whathisname from 2012 sang about, and a sphere is used because its the best shape for equally distributing pressure. when designing these vessels, you do not want any areas where pressure can build up and a sphere does not have any; the entire structure reinforces itself.

unlike literally every other deep-sea submersible, titans pressure vessel was not a sphere and not made of titanium, rather it was cylindrical with two hemisphere on either side and was built out of carbon fiber. see the shape below:

the important part is the big circle labelled “personal sphere”. this is called the pressure vessel and is where crew and any equipment needing protection from the water pressure reside. this vessel needs to be able to withstand around 6000 pounds or 3 tonnes of pressure per square inch, which is about 400 times the pressure on the surface.

if they had followed previous designs, they would have had to make a much larger sphere in order to fit everyone. but the bigger you make your sphere, the weaker it becomes so you then have to use thicker walls, and all of this makes the pressure vessel much heavier. and this is where youd run into problems because the submersible still needs to be able to plucked from the ocean at the end of the trip and to power itself in the water. the heavier it is, the harder this becomes.

first, well address the shape. as the design philosophy of titan was so that it could carry up to 6 passengers, it would have been very difficult for the pressure vessel to be shaped as a sphere. alvin, in comparison, can only fit three crew and equipment.

so instead, they chose a cylinder. this is not a terrible choice by itself. it is preferable to use round shapes in high-pressure environments as pressure builds up in corners, especially right angles. if youve ever wondered why plane windows have round corners, its because the square windows on the de havilland comet (the worlds first jetliner) gave areas where pressure could build up and caused the jet to suffer a series of explosive decompressions. it crashed many times. [x]

now, well get into where the design really has problems: the materials used. as i mentioned, the majority of the pressure vessel was made of carbon fiber. the ceo of oceangate, stockton rush, believed that carbon fiber would have a better strength-to-buoyancy ratio than titanium, and this was one reason why it was chosen. [x]

so in terms of shape, its not the worst choice. it is much preferable to use a sphere as a cylinder is not as adept at equally distributing pressure, but their choice was at least logical.

on the end of the cylinder, there were two titanium rings bonded to the carbon fiber hull (though the method of bonding is not publicly available), and these rings were then bolted to two titanium hemispheres. now, you might notice that titan does have four right angles in the pressure vessels, but these are within the vessel so as long as no pressure can get into vessel, these are fine.

the problem with this is that carbon fiber is an experimental material that has not been fully evaluated. stockton rush was very aware of this as he was repeatedly warned by many experts in the field, including deep-sea exploration specialist rob mccallum who stated that:

“that carbon fibre is not an acceptable material”

if this occurs, not only do the gaps give areas for pressure to build, the pressure vessel becomes much weaker, and runs the risk of failing as happened. this risk only gets worse when you decide to use expired carbon fiber.

now, you might be saying “kai, you literally told us earlier that they did use titanium” and if you are, A+ to you my friend, youve led us straight onto another problem with the design of the titan: using multiple materials.

one major concern about the carbon fiber for the hull is that it had to be layered up and cured in between until the hull was 12.7cm or 7 inches thick. these layers cause a problem that titanium does not have; there is a risk of de-lamination, aka the layers separating. as previously stated, the titan was several years old so it had already gone through many pressurisations and dive cycles which all run the risk of de-laminating the hull.

and this, ladies and gentleman and those of us past that stage, is why deep-sea submersibles use titanium not carbon fiber.

by designing titan like this, stockton rush strayed ridiculously far away from any other designs which have been tested and shown to work. the submersible was not safe to travel on, especially so far down to be able to visit the titanic wreck. as rob mccallum states:

you just dont do it. by introducing areas where multiple materials meet, you are introducing potential points of failure because well done, stockton, youve introduced yet another area where pressure can build up.

“[titan] was the only submersible in the world doing commercial work that was unclassed. it was not certified by an independent agency.”

in fact, it makes sense to go through the process because you then know that your vessel is safe and idk, its probably better for marketing if your vessel has been certified as safe.

mccallum goes on to describe stockton as a “maverick entrepreneur” who wanted to think outside of the box even when it comes to things like the rules of physics or tried and true engineering principles.

and im sure we can all guess why. it wouldnt have passed and the company has recognised that the design lays outside of the accepted system. though its not a mandatory process even though it really fucking should be, theres no reason to not let your vessels be examined by a marine organisation.

we know that the hull was breached. we know this as one of the very few safety features aboard titan was something known as a “real-time hull health monitoring system” or an rtm. [x]

and he is completely right because what happened to the titan showed how the design of it was so flawed. [x]

“if you steer away from sound engineering principles, which are all based on hard won experience, there is a price to pay, and its a terrible price”

this did what it said on the tin and it did before the catastrophic implosion of titan. when the rtm picked up on too much strain on the hull, it sounded an alarm as a warning. those on board were prepped so they knew what this meant so they used one of the other few safety features on the sub: dropping the ballasts.

ballasts are heavy material gathered in the bottom of a ship or vessel to help stabilise the ship. you use them in order to stop a ship from becoming top-heavy as a top-heavy ship is much more likely to capsize; see the ss principessa jolanda that sank at launch as she launched with all her fittings completed and empty ballasts, causing the center of gravity to be too high. some ships have port and starboard (left and right) water ballasts and if theyre listing dangerously to one side, they can release the water in that ballast to attempt to stabilise the ship.

this, again, is an area of criticism as most submersibles have multiple features that can be used in an emergency. marine geologist, chris goldfinger points out that most submersibles have multiple ways of self-rescue, such as detaching the pressure vessel from the sub itself. [x]

in the case of the titan, dropping the ballasts was the only way the ship could surface in an emergency. it appears that those on board attempted to do so, but did not surface quick enough to avoid catastrophe.

��[titan did not have] nearly that much redundancy and self-rescue capability."

“im concerned that they [oceangate] overlooked some of the features that we build into research submersibles, because they struck [the builders] as costly or unnecessary, or uninteresting. a lot of those features that we see across submersibles have evolved over decades, precisely because they work, and because we know it increases safety for the crew.”

"i have grown tired of industry players who try to use a safety argument to stop innovation"

hes also stated that titan was underprepared which most experts in the field agree with, such as girguis who stated that:

and we know that stockton rush was aware of all these issues; email exchanges show that people at the company came to him with concerns, but he brushed them away. instead, we have statements from him like:

he heard warnings from employees and from deep-sea submersible experts, and a former employee david lochridge alleged in a counterclaim lawsuit in 2018 that he was fired for raising concerns over quality control and testing of potential flaws. [x]

keep in mind that oceangate originally sued him for breach of contract because he brought all of his concerns to osha because he was that concerned. though, this was settled out of court, it clearly shows that this disaster was years in the making.

“it was only a matter of time before they killed somebody.”

as victor vescovo stated:

[geekalogian]

Please feel free to ignore this if it's too personal, but I was wondering if you have any advice for figuring out your sexuality while being demisexual? I've followed you since the ouat days and I relate to a lot of stuff you said when you came back to the blog. I've just felt like it's hard to figure out since it takes forever for me to develop crushes and get to a place where I even want to pursue a romantic relationship. I also grew up in a religious household/went to religious school so there's a whole extra layer of stuff to deal with there. Again, absolutely no pressure at all to answer, and I hope you have a great weekend!

I'm far from an expert on this, but I definitely know how difficult this stage of life can be. All I can really do is just tell you my experiences and hope something resonates! Like most people growing up in evangelical spaces, I just assumed that I was straight and cis. What else would I be? I fell in love and got married, and then dealt with the fallout of a waning emotional connection changing my relationship with sex entirely. I got crushes whenever I'd be connecting with somebody (GUY somebodies. With the ladies I'd just, y'know, be completely obsessed with their well-being and how shitty every guy was to them and how they deserved someone SO MUCH BETTER, not like I was saying me, obviously, I'm straight. . . .) and beat myself up internally for not being emotionally faithful to my spouse. When I came out as demi, my spouse definitely did not understand, but attempted to be supportive. I tried explaining my experience of demisexuality to him many a time, and he'd basically say "I get that that makes sense to you, but that's completely alien to me and I have no way to really relate to it." I didn't really hit a point where I understood myself until getting locked in my house for roughly three years for self-reflection (read: COVID and losing my ministry job, ending with me being a housewife for three full years). I had very intense crushes on roughly three of my friends at the same time, two of whom were women, and I was finally able to really understand those as crushes because I knew the guy one of them was dating and he was genuinely wonderful to her. So my concern over her well-being wasn't just "I wish she were dating somebody better," it was "I wish I was able to make her life better. Me, specifically. And maybe kiss her. a bit." I was able to trace that backwards through my life and reflect on other times I'd had similar feelings about women in my life, and recognize that I'm bi as hell. This was also the point in my life when I realized that I'm polyamorous, because I recognized that my desire for multiple romantic connections had very little to do with dissatisfaction in my current relationship, or a desire to move on (although that was coming--BELIEVE ME, THE WRITING WAS ON THE WALL I JUST COULDN'T READ YET), it was just my desire to share that kind of love with more than one person. Again, recognizing those things and doing a lot of research enabled me to reflect on the thread of continuity through my whole life, and just recognize what had already been there. That was also very much my discovery of being genderfluid, but that's a WHOLE OTHER STORY and this post is already bonkers long. So I guess my advice is this: Be reflective. Think about the ways you've felt close to people. Recognize that in some cases, crushes on differently-gendered people feel different from one another (some people don't have that experience, obviously, I think that tends to be a large distinction between bi and pan persons, but that's how it's been for me). Read blogs--I wouldn't know how hella gay I am without tumblr itself being a font of information in my mid-20s. Rely on trustworthy friends who know and understand you--I was fortunate to have a really great friend group that supported me (and lovingly bullied me) through my own coming-out process. When I came out as bi to them, a dear friend said "Ronnie, I'm gonna say some shit now....IS THIS NEWS??? I THOUGHT WE ALL KNEW AND YOU JUST MOSTLY HAD A PREFERENCE FOR DUDES. WHAT? YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE BI?????" It was pretty funny and great, tbh. I hope the very best for you, and that you get the time and resources to be authentically yourself. I am still very much a person of faith and I believe wholeheartedly that God loves the person they made you to be, as well as the you that exists now, and there is nothing to fear from learning more about yourself <3

[ourstaturestouchtheskies]

how do you find or decide what piece of art to use for an edit? what are your sources for finding artworks to use for your edits?

hello my dear!

what a lovely question! my answer is incredibly long, so I apologize in advance for that, but I tried to make it as organized as possible. I'm also going to put it under a cut, since I rambled on for quite a while 😅 but this was such a rich question - so thank you again!! ☺️☺️

if you have other questions lingering after this, please feel free to reach out again! 🥰🥰

how do I decide which artwork to use for an edit?

for the most part, when deciding what artwork to use, I look for some kind of visual or thematic resonance with the lyrics I plan to use

for example, in this edit, I used the lyrics "I don't like that falling feels like flying til the bone crush" with lament for icarus by herbert james draper. there were a number of parallels I wanted to draw here:

visual parallels: those lyrics come from "gold rush" by taylor swift, and the painting itself is suffused in gold tones. I also used a golden glow on some of the words to emphasize this connection

thematic parallels: icarus is famously known for his fall from the sky, and the lyrics I chose literally discuss falling, so that was another resonance I wanted to pull out

random parallels that perhaps exist only in my mind: I wanted to emphasize the ending of a story with both the lyrics and the painting. in the painting, we see icarus after he has fallen, but for those familiar with the myth, his prior flight and fall are implied. the lyrics discuss the metaphorical joy of flight until it turns into a freefall, but what we are actually seeing here is the "bone crush." in this way, I liked that we're looking at the end of a story that in some ways tells the whole story. the lyrics and art both imply the existence of a previous moment of rapturous flight which turned into a tragic fall, even though they only actually show the aftermath of both. idk if that makes any sense so just ignore this one if this is absolutely incompressible 😅

basically, these are the kinds of resonances I like to seek out. sometimes the lyrics come first and I look for a painting that fits well with them, and sometimes it's the other way around. other times I see an artwork and immediately lyrics will pop into my head, or vice versa, where I'll hear lyrics and instantly think of a painting that would fit them so well

not all of my edits have every level of parallels, but I do like to make sure that they at least have some sort of thematic resonance that ties them together!

I hope that explains my process at least a little! ☺️☺️

where do I find artworks for my edits?

there are four big resources/approaches that I use, so I'll go through each one here ☺️

general art history knowledge: since I'm doing an art history phd, I just happen to have a lot of exposure to a lot of different kinds of art. between the hours I spent in class, doing readings, and doing my own research, I just end up absorbing a lot of potential artists and artworks to use. I actually have a page in my notes app devoted to things I see that I may want to use for edits in the future 😅. however, I completely understand that this is not an experience that a lot of people have. but I am more than happy to offer myself as a resource!! if you ever have a question or a vision in mind but don't know where to start looking for art, feel free to reach out and ask! I am by no means in expert in every facet of art history, but I would be absolutely delighted to use what knowledge I do have to help you in any way I can! 🥰🥰

image collections: there are a number of fantastic digital resources available for browsing historical art! museum websites and their digital collections are always a great place to start. many libraries also have extensive digitized collections which often include prints, drawings, photos, and illustrations, even if they don't have paintings or other larger artworks. a couple that I've used in the past are the library of congress and the bibliotheque nationale de france, but there are so many more out there. if you're affiliated with a university, you may have access to resources like artstor, which has a huge repository of images. depending on the databases to which your local library subscribes (which are often a lot!! libraries are so cool and I highly recommend checking out the resources they have!!), you may have access to a number of other databases like artstor. wikimedia commons is also a fantastic resource, since they have categories you can browse like "women with skulls in art" or "red textiles in portrait paintings." obviously not every artwork that fits those parameters are included, but the amount of images they have is incredible. my one caution here is that the search function doesn't allow for a lot of specificity unless you already know the name of a category you're looking for. finally, google arts & culture/google art project tends to have really high quality images of artworks, but is also not the easiest to search unless you already know the name of an artist or artwork that you're looking for. whew okay that's a lot, but please let me know if I can answer any more specific questions about any of these amazing resources!

art accounts: I truly discover so much fantastic art by following other accounts that post art historical content! I follow a number both on here and on instagram, and it's always amazing to see what other people discover 🥰. some are more specific, like posting art just from a specific era/period, or curating different color themes, while others just post anything that they find compelling. I end up finding so many artworks this way, and it's also a fantastic way to connect with other people who like art historical stuff!

following rabbit holes: this is more of an approach than a specific resource, but I highly encourage everyone to explore things they like!! if you see an artwork that really resonates with you, look up the artist and see what other kind of work they've done. find out if they are identified with a particular period or movement and then look up other artists from that movement. see if you like any of the art produced by those artists and then keep going! I have found so much incredible art just by being curious about a single artwork, and it's also a great way to expand your art historical knowledge in general ☺️

yikes okay now that I've written you a whole novel, I hope that at least some of this info was helpful!!

thank you again for the wonderful question! (and thank you so much for reading this all if you got this far! 🥰)

as I said above, I would be genuinely delighted to help with anything that I can! the reason that I want to be a professor is to let people get excited about art, so anything I can do to facilitate that is pretty much my dream 🥰

thank you again dearest anon and I hope you have a lovely, art-filled day!! 💖💕💖💕

[historia-vitae-magistras]

I know your blog usually covers other topics, but can I talk about something different for a moment? Dealing with healthcare systems in the US and Canada can be really confusing right? But given the us-costs, do you think it makes sense to automatically favor a Canadian school? I'm American but I'd have in-state tuition. I'm just concerned because I already have

The usual disclaimer this is the opinion of one person and not an expert please do your own research and make your own best choices.

If you have in-province tuition and some fluidity back and forth, I'd say go for a Canadian school because the value on the dollar is much better especially with the exchange rate if you primarily operate in USD. Cost of living, especially food is much higher in Canada than a lot of the US. That said, the healthcare system question is a bit trickier than most people want to talk about.

The somewhat socialized Canadian healthcare system is probably better than a lot of healthcare in the US but it actually does rank fairly low amongst industrialized countries and has been sliding for years. It's hard to find a GP, ER wait times kill people, procedural wait times are for-fucking-ever-and-a-day. I have never had any complaints about my healthcare in Quebec beyond the wait times (keep in mind I am a francophone and I've seen a lot about anglos getting shit care amongst the usual canadian institutional racism) but also Ontario gave me such bad care I am literally still physically paying for it. Nova Scotia was a fucking nightmare too. Best I've ever gotten is in a deep-blue US state at a university hospital because my medicaid and my tri-care overlapped just perfectly my life is much easier. If you have a really good healthcare team in the US and it can remain accessible to you via telehealth or doing your visits on breaks, I'd keep it. Always know where your nearest ER and Urgent cares are, always keep your meds up to date and focus on preventative care because the ER in Canada is pretty much a fucking nightmare no matter what province you're in.

TLDR: Canada is more affordable tuition wise, cost of living is higher. Quality of care is good and affordable, but hard to access. US is likely to be great or terrible, not just the decent Canadian norm but is usually easier to access but might leave you bankrupt.

Again, this is the research and experience of one middle class border straddler. I am not a lawyer or a doctor.

[stargazer-sims]

Rant / Info Post incoming...

I'm still angry, but I'm calmed down today at least, so...

Yesterday I was really angry and upset because a number of people felt the need to take it upon themselves to educate me about what's "wrong" with Caroline, simply because I mentioned one time that she has albinism. First of all, I am blind, not stupid. I've done my research. Also, as a member of the low vision community, I have personally known a lot of unrelated people who have albinism, including my boss at a former job, and my friend who I was in a band with in the 90s. If you are not blind, and ESPECIALLY if you do not have albinism yourself or don't at least personally know someone who has it, maybe do a bit of fact-checking before you come for me, yeah?

Honestly, I was literally so upset and angry that I'd nearly decided to scrap the entire story idea I had. I just could not envision myself having the mental stamina to deal with all the ignorance and the ableist bullshit, particularly because I've already been cyber-bullied and attacked online in the past due to speaking out and advocating about disability in general and blindness in particular. But, you know what? If you want to persist in your ignorance and tell me I'm wrong about something you actually know nothing about, then go for it. I know what the block button is for. I blocked people yesterday, and I deleted anon messages, and can do it again.

If you're genuinely curious about something you don't know about, ask. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm more than happy to answer questions about blindness or about anything else I have lived experience with. I'd rather have an honest conversation with somebody who wants to learn than to engage in a pointless argument with somebody who's convinced they're right based solely on their own assumptions and isn't willing to accept even the possibility that they aren't (hence the blocking).

Additionally, I should not have to "content warn" about posts that have depictions of disabled people simply existing. If you feel upset by seeing disabled people or hearing mentions of disability, then please ask yourself why that is. Asking for content warnings for posts that just have disabled people living their normal lives is offensive, and I hope you wouldn't ask people from other equity-seeking groups to content warn you just because a member of that group is depicted in a post doing something totally ordinary.

Representation is important, and sighted people have portrayed us with their weird and harmful stereotypes for way too long. I've also seen loads of hurtful stuff about people with albinism from people who don't have it. Although I also do not have albinism, I've done my research in addition to knowing and interacting with people with the condition in real life. The only people with any right to challenge and educate me on albinism are people actually living with it; only them (or their guardians/parents), and not some random white knights or even their friends, because the only true expert is the person with the lived experience. I'm open to learning and happy to expand my understanding about a lot of things, but I prefer to learn from people who know what they're talking about through personal experience and knowledge, and who aren't disseminating misinformation based on prejudice and stereotypes.

I won't lie... telling a story about a blind child isn't going to be easy for me, because I was also a blind child once. Because people (and particularly children) can be horrible creatures, my childhood was a living nightmare at times. I'm a survivor of childhood psychological and physical violence at the hands of my peers as well as the people who were meant to be protecting me, and that sort of trauma stays with a person. Plus, it's really hard to navigate a world that was not made for you, especially when you're a child and don't yet fully realize that the world was not made for you, and why that is, and what the implications of it are.

For a lot of reasons, this story (or the idea of it, at the very least) is important because I'd get to share something real through the relatively safe medium of a fictional character, and maybe with Caroline I'll get to right some of the wrongs that were done to me in real life. And just maybe somebody else will learn something.

But in the meantime, although it is 100% not my job to educate you, here you go:

Resource 1 - Resource 2 - Resource 3 - Resource 4 - Resource 5 - Resource 6

The correct term for people with albinism is "people with albinism". The term "albino" is controversial, and although there are some people with albinism who have reclaimed this word for themselves and use it in a self-empowering way (similarly to people in the LGBT+ community reclaiming "queer"), there are others who find it offensive, particularly when used by people who do not have albinism.

Albinism occurs in all ethnic and racial groups throughout the world (so yes... there are Japanese people with albinism too)

People with albinism do not have pink/red eyes. The majority of people with albinism have blue eyes, although they can have hazel or brown eyes in some cases (depending on the type of albinism). Some blue-eyed people with albinism may appear to have pinkish or violet eyes in certain lighting conditions, due to the fact that the lack of pigment can make blood vessels much more visible.

Many people with albinism also have low vision that usually can't be fully corrected. Level of vision varies, depending on the type of albinism.

People with albinism can go outside in the sun, but because of the lack of pigment in the skin and eyes, they need to wear sun protection like sunscreen, hats, sunglasses and UV-protective clothing

People with albinism are not sterile (unless they have a co-existing medical condition that causes sterility). They can produce children. Their children may or may not also have albinism, depending on the genetics of themselves and their partner.

------

Canadian National Institute for the Blind - What Is Blindness?

Canadian National Institute for the Blind - Blindness Myths & Facts

Canadian Organization for the Blind & Deafblind - True or False?

Royal National Institute for the Blind - Eye Conditions

More Blindness Myths & Facts

[rachelsfav-queer]

Btw are you from Palestine 🇵🇸? Or is the flag in your boi just in support? Or...??

Hi, thanks for asking!

I won’t talk about this much cause I’m not good with arguments and this whole thing is just a perfect mix for arguments. But I’ll give my opinion now, just to let it be known.

I am not from Palestine but I am in full support of the Palestinian people. Not because of any reason other than the fact that I despise the cold, heartless mass murder of innocent civilians. Aka, literally war crimes.

There’s a lot of discussions going on about the conflict, which is why I only just now added the flag to my bio. I was mostly in support of Palestine the whole time, but I wanted to make sure I knew as much as possible about the conflict. It’s a topic that I am almost entirely disconnected from and so I have quite a bit of privilege here that I refuse to misuse.

Now, just because I’ve learned a lot more about the conflict, does not make me an expert or anywhere near qualified to speak on it. I have my opinion and I will stick to it as is my right. But I won’t be talking about it here anymore. Not just because of my mental health reasons, but also because there are so many people talking about this and therefore there’s so much misinformation. So if I were to add my voice, I’d only be speaking over the people who are knowledgeable and properly qualified to speak about it. And that would only do more harm.

So, if you’re looking for proper links and information for what to do and how to support, this blog isn’t the place to look. Please go do some research and find that info yourself. I am currently unable to support in any meaningful way as I legitimately do not have any money, I don’t have a credit card, I don’t even have a drivers license. If I did have the ability to donate money, I would.

Now, that’s the end of me talking about this. I do not care what it is, if I see anyone trying to message me about this anymore, whether in my inbox or through dms, it’s an immediate block. Like I’ve said, I don’t handle arguments well, and that’s a fucking understatement if there ever was one. So please, respect my wishes to be left alone about this. I do what little I can as a white, autistic, trans woman living hundreds of miles away from the conflict. But beyond that, my mind is legitimately not equipped to handle it.

Thank you for the ask and thank you in advance for respecting my boundaries.

Much love, Rachel ❤️

(I will also only be putting my own tags instead of all the related tags cause, again, privileged white person)