#also - for the record - if by some off chance that person checks my blog and sees this: i didn’t block them for ~having different opinions~

[starbuck]

for the record, reblogging a post and then immediately making a post afterwards to clarify that your opinion on the matter is actually slightly different than the op’s is kind of a dick move, but, on the other hand, it’s SIGNIFICANTLY less annoying than laying out your disagreements in the TAGS! that i can SEE!!!!!!!

[joels-shitty-puns]

The Key to Your Heart - Track 1

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably.

Word Count: 1.9K

Series List: Here!

Thank you for checking it out :) let me know what you think. I made this probably more wordy and personal than I should've... OOF.

The clock was nearing 4 AM when, with a sniffle, you closed the app you were on and clicked the power button on your phone. A single tear ran down your face as you rolled on your side and hoped that maybe in your dreams you could experience the love you craved so desperately. For the past few hours, and every night you didn't have work in the morning, or had free time before bed, you would read fanfiction. You knew people had a lot of poor opinions about fanfic, but the best thing about them is that unlike other stories, you were in these. You could imagine it was you in the story spending time with your favorite characters.

The worst part of fanfiction, however… is when you realize it isn't real and won't ever happen. Sure, you can imagine it, and you can feel the emotions and even give yourself pleasure at the thoughts, but when it wears off, you realize that it's just you. You're alone, and not your mind, nor your hands, can give you what you truly want. What you need.

You aren't so dumb or delusional as to think it's real, or to think you have a chance. If your own mind didn't tell you that enough, your family and friends would remind you plenty. At the mention of your crush, you'd get comments that had a playfulness, or childlike connotation at the idea of you crushing on someone famous. If not that, you'd get pity, or told you should put yourself out there and find someone you actually have a chance with… as if you chose to have these feelings. Why would you choose to fall in love with someone you have no chance with?

For a while, you could pretend it was just a crush and that you couldn't be in love with someone you've never met. But ultimately you accepted that it wasn't true. This isn't the first time, and you're sure it won't be the last. With the previous crush lasting several years, you knew you'd just have to wait it out. 

This time around, the crush was on Pedro Pascal. Current heartthrob of the world, starring in some of the most popular franchises of the time. If people didn't know his name, they certainly knew a character of his; unless they lived under a rock. 

With this information in the back of your mind, the fact that everyone knew him and everyone loved him and he could have anyone he wanted, you sighed, hoping it would finally get through your head, and rolled over to your other side. Unable to sleep, you pulled out your journal to write down your feelings before eventually drifting off, pen in hand.

Letting out a groan, you awoke too few hours later to your dog Skipper crying in your face. "Gotta pee, buddy? Alright.." You climbed out of bed and he spun in a circle before galloping through the house towards the patio door. Humming a song you don't yet know, you sit by the door and think about what you wrote the night before. It wasn't uncommon for you to write songs, and you found it comforting to play instruments and sing your feelings out into the lyrics. Although you often recorded and purchased the copyrights to your music, you never posted it.  Maybe someday…you always told yourself, pondering with the idea of some extra money. 

After letting the dog in, you sat at the piano with last night's journal and wrote a song which spilled your feelings for Pedro. You recorded it and went about your day, but it kept nagging you. Finally, after another sleepless night, you posted it onto some music streaming websites. Using a stage name of just your first nickname, you added the song, which you titled "Imaginary Love." It never mentions Pedro by name, only talking of the strong feelings you have for someone famous that you'll never be with. 

Once that was out of the way, you didn't check your accounts for several days. Eventually, however, you began receiving emails. Radio stations wanted to play your song, record companies wanted to sign you, they wanted an album. Your head swirled, and you agreed to put out an album with other songs you've written, still maintaining your stage identity. I'll just be like Hannah Montana, you thought, with a laugh of disbelief. 

About a month later, you and your music were still a mystery to people. People loved your song. People related to it. But of course, there were critics. Negative impressions spurred about you being childish, immature, naive, and silly. Others just wanted to know the gossip. Who were you? Where did you come from? And WHO were you singing about?!

Trying to ignore the chatter, you noticed a new interview of Pedro being posted, as advertisement for his newest film. Finally something to look forward to and get your mind off of this! Flicking on your television, you broadcast the interview of Pedro from your cell phone. Your heart skipped as you looked at him, his messy brown curls falling near his ears that held his large black framed glasses. His brown eyes twinkled as the interviewer talked to him about his work.

Eventually they broke into more casual conversation, discussing current favorite movies, what he last saw in theaters, what he's binge-watching, last concert he saw, and finally… the current song he can't stop listening to. 

"Oh, man… I can't stop listening to "Imaginary Love," he answered without hesitation, hand on his heart.

Your stomach lurched. Your heart stopped. You forgot how to breathe. What. The. Fuck. Shit shit shit shit shit. This can't. Be real. You rewound the video. This HAS to be a dream. But it wasn't. "Imaginary Love," he said. Oh. Crap. You replayed it several more times, but it didn't make it more real. The interviewer replied "oh… here we go. The song everyone is talking about! I am curious though, what are your thoughts on it? Who do you think it's about?" Pedro's smile faltered a bit at the man's tone, but he remained his usual genuine, sincere self when he answered. "I… I'm also curious about who she is and who the song is about, but I think that ultimately it's up to her whether she decides to reveal that. I think we can all relate to the pain of love, especially unrequited, and I think it's brave of her to share that level of open vulnerability with the world. I can't expect her to share more than what she already has."

Your heart fluttered.

Yet the interviewer continued. "Don't you think it's a little… I dunno… naive? I mean, you get it, you're in show business. The average kid really doesn't have a chance, and even more so, isn't it a little… creepy? The way she's put this guy on a pedestal? Claims she's in love with a man she doesn't even know?"

Pedro's fingers twitched around the base of the microphone, his eyebrows furrowed, and he slowly nodded while pondering his response. I can't watch this anymore.. His pause felt like a lifetime, and you couldn't handle the tension. The interviewer was an ass, but his words were nothing new. He was probably right... You are creepy and naive. You reached for the remote to turn off the television. It had only been a few seconds, but you couldn't bear the potential heartbreak that you knew would come. This is exactly why you haven't revealed yourself or the subject of your lyrics.

Pedro cleared his throat before speaking. "You're right… I am in show business and I get it. I get that in order to get what you truly want in life, we all seem a bit naive. I've spent my life trying to make it as an actor, sometimes struggling if it hadn't been for the help of my friends. I was naive, and I suppose a bit delusional. Obviously this is a bit different though. Unlike jobs, we can't choose who we love. I think we've all had celebrity crushes at some point in our lives."

Your breath was caught in your throat and you could feel tears welling up in your eyes. He doesn't even know you, and he's somehow able to reach into your lyrics to understand exactly how you feel without the judgment or pity you often feel from those who know you personally. And yet… the asshole interviewer kept on. Seriously dude… how long are you going to drag this on? Talk to Pedro about his achievements. Quit ranting. The interview has completely gone off the rails. "Okay.. I gotta ask though.." Ugh what now??! He continued, "this girl is a fan. The only thing she knows is what's made public. She's keeping her identity hidden but doesn’t seem to wonder what her so-called “love” is hiding from the world. Would you, as a celebrity, genuinely consider someone like her, a fan, if she came out and said the song was about you? I mean, would any of you out there? We're not just talking about a normal person, or even a slight fan. We're talking write-a-song-about-him level obsessed."

Pedro answered without hesitation. "Sure I would consider it. You can already feel her emotional vulnerability and passion. I think she's deserving of happiness just like anyone." If only you knew.. It is you, Pedro.. But your negative thoughts filled your consciousness. Like he'd want you.. he's almost twice your age.. look at yourself. He can have anyone he wants. He'd never actually choose you. Look at your blemishes. Your big stomach, flab, and stretch marks. Nobody has ever wanted you. You've never even been kissed, you fool. A grown adult.

You frowned and finished watching the interview, swept away in your self-hatred. You slunk onto the floor, cuddling your dog, seeking the only comfort you're able to receive. This is why I prefer animals, you think. They love you no matter what you look like or who you are.

A few days later, the events of Pedro's interview went viral, spurring both negative and positive responses.

"Pedro Pascal Defends Unknown Artist"

"Mandalorian Actor Slams Interviewer"

"Watch: Pedro Pascal Interview Gets Heated"

The headlines get more and more dramatic, acting as if fist fights broke out or a gun battle ensued. It was all pretty tame. A simple conversation of differing opinions. However… you still couldn't help but feel guilty that he put his own reputation on the line for you in a way. He doesn't even know you. What was in this for him, that he felt the need to defend you?

It was at this moment that you decided to log into Instagram from your stage artist profile. Hopping into the message section, you typed out Pedro Pascal and clicked his profile, writing out a message. "Hi Mr. Pascal! I recently watched your interview and I can't begin to express my gratitude towards you. I feel terribly guilty that this is beginning to weigh on your own image, but I would like to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for your defense, thank you for your support of my music, but most importantly, thank you for seeing my lyrics as they were meant to be… from my heart. Thank you for your kindness."

You tapped send and waited with bated breath. After ten minutes of staring at the screen, you decided you needed a break from the internet, dropped your phone, and went for a walk with Skipper.

Meanwhile, from the couch at home, your phone lit up with a notification.

Instagram

Pedro Pascal (pascalispunk): replied to your message

Thanks for reading!! Interested in track 2? Read it here!

[kakarorin]

Defending "The Road to El Dorado" from a couple racist claims, or how I, being so cheeky, like to call it: Covering myself in sugar in order to attract some nasty little bugs🐞

For some reason, 2024 seems to be the year when I can't tolerate "The Road to El Dorado is packed with racism" discourse anymore. A couple days ago, I stumbled across a very colourful gifset which encapsulated perfectly all the objectively wrong arguments (save for half... one... one and a half... It depends) I've ever seen people give out to explain why they don't like the movie (@/neechees: If by some unlikely chance you're reading this, I wish we could have talked about it calmly. I'm a very open-minded person, unlike you seem to be). I've seen them SO many times that I think I hit my limit. Long story short, I got defensive, which I regret, shame on me, told the op they were wrong, as they are, op responded, and I got blocked before I could respond back. I honestly don't know why they blocked me after responding. I don't know if they sensed I know much more about the Aztec Conquest than they do, but well... Occam's razor.

After I calmed down, tried to reach to them because I genuinely wanted to talk about it, and failed, I decided I was going to break their post down as minutely as I could, even if just to get it off my shoulders and toss it into the void, and polished what I told one of the people who reblogged op's post saying they were right into this lengthy post. Purely because I love debating about movies I love. And boy, do I LOVE this movie.

Before starting, I'm letting you know that, as far as I know, I'm 100% white. And I'm also from Spain (Europe. Clarifying this for the Americans), which understandably gives me the advantage of having lived (and living) through the subtle remnants of the wretched Spanish Black Legend. Yet none of these two things stopped me from looking up historical papers, podcasts and documentaries (further than YouTube's video essays, I mean) so I could understand that this sort of... slander was indeed, part of that concept. I don't see how being of a particular race or ethnicity gives you the right to speak about recorded history as objective facts without doing your research and applying your critical thinking to it, either. Does op think that just because they're Native-American, as they say (just in case, can't believe anything you read on the internet these days), a person who has spent hours, days, months educating themselves about Hernán Cortés, poor Malinche and the Aztec Conquest from serious sources can't have more knowledge than them? Smh, op, smh. It does give you right over feelings, and obviously, your own experiences, though. Hope you still understand that factual knowledge is an entirely different thing.

That being said, at the end of the day, save for the very easy-to-check historical facts (which I will provide sources for if asked, although I believe you can very easily research it yourself), this is my opinion about why "The Road to El Dorado" is regarded as much more racist than it actually is. If you want to give me yours or respond to it, please, by all means, do it. Respectfully and with clear and valid reasons, of course. Otherwise, I'll have to ignore you. Understand that what you read below is the limit of my thinking and reading. Enjoy, or hate. Call me a racist. Send a WHITE meme my way. Up to you.

I'd link you to the post, but I don't feel like it. They blocked me, after all. You can search my blog for it. It's tagged as "neechees". And be sure to read their tags on the post as well, for context. Anyway, here go their "objective truths". Debunking time starts... now:

(EDIT: This is filled with edits. See how my opinion can change and I can clarify or rectify? Anyway, stating the obvious, but I believe Spanish colonization is bad. In any part of the world. I won't give you a single good aspect of it, except for that at least it was based on a different mindset than British colonization. Maybe there are fairly good aspects. After all, they say Romans gave us Spaniards roads and sewage systems. We'd have to take a look at an alternative reality where it didn't happen to make an objective claim. But, believe me, if it had been for me, I'd have pushed Cortés off the ship a good bunch of nautical miles before he reached what is now known as Veracruz, whatever good things he ended up doing. Bear that in mind.)

1. The cultures are mashed up in one city, that is true. But there is no explicit racist (implying prejudice, discrimination or antagonism, as I understand racism, or as racism is actually defined) motive behind it. I don't think it's done out of unthoughtfulness, either. I'm pretty sure it's just done to leave the place ambiguous, because (tell you more later), with Cortés involved and what went down with him historically, that place is much more meant to be Tenochtitlán than the legendary city of El Dorado. They didn't want to make that so explicit because this is a retelling, after all (tell you more later). I honestly don't see how anyone could think that the resulting city and culture are portrayed in a negative way. Sometimes, I'm not even sure these people were paying attention when watching the movie (if they ever did). In fact, if it weren't for the title of their post, I wouldn't even understand the point in this.

2. Oh boy, this is exactly what triggered me to say something instead of just putting it on my blog silently. This is how I know the op has ZERO knowledge about the historical event behind it, because they wouldn't say this is right if they did. There is no such thing as a (EDIT:) sufficiently collective "Spanish lie that Native-American (NA) people believed they were gods" (NEVER listen to a Spaniard who claims this. EDIT: Like López de Gómara. They're delulu), this has never had any kind of historical relevance (in the outcome and influence of history, I mean), and the NA people in the movie are not worshipping the white guys because they're white. The whole plot, arriving in a city and being mistaken for a god because your arrival coincided with an ancient premonition in such a precise way that it is fascinating, is exactly what happened to Cortés when he reached the capital of the Aztec Empire, Tenochtitlán. He was believed to be the reincarnation of Quetzalcóatl, and that's why he could enter the city peacefully and live in it for a short amount of time. The concept of the movie seems to be "What if this, instead of happening to a conquistador (in which is implicit the catholic element) who quickly said he was no god when he realised what was happening (because of the sin of idolatry), happened instead to two atheist looters who are ultimately good-hearted (NOT colonizers, because they didn't try to claim the land or control it) who weren't stopped by the fear to sin and took advantage of the situation?" That's it. The premonition happened to fall on a white man hundreds of years ago (who also came from the east, same place Quetzalcóatl left to and said he'd return from) and so does in the movie story because it mirrors real history, and, again, I fail to see the negative portrayal in all of this because it's certainly NOT because they're white. I think the op also took it salty that I said they had zero knowledge about "the very people they're trying to defend", which I still believe, but this is complex and I'll only explain this if asked. What I meant by that, on the surface, is that NA people also enslaved NA people. I seriously hope op doesn't think NA slavery is more acceptable if it comes from other NA people than white people. Who knows, at this point.

3. This is essentially right. It's the only thing I think is mostly right, actually. It's no problem for me, though. I love Chel, she's beautiful and aesthetically pleasing to me. But I can understand why it may put someone off. All good. However, I still wanna say that the Aila test is just a way of assessing indigenous women representation as positive and negative, and not the work in itself as problematic if it doesn't pass it. The Lord of the Rings doesn't pass the Bechdel test and I have never seen anyone calling it problematic because of that, nor do I need positive representation (I'm a woman. Sort of. It fluctuates) on it to enjoy it. Although I figure I'd feel the same if I were NA, I can't and won't speak for one. So I still give you that.

4.1. This is wrong in three ways. First, Tzekel-kan is not "demonized as evil". He is evil. He's not evil because he's NA, he is evil because he killed, he lied, and he abused his power. There are NA people in the movie who are kind and good (everyone but him, I believe), and then there's him. In every race and ethnicity, there are good, neutral and bad people. And people who are sometimes good, and sometimes bad. If all the NA people were painted in a morally white and good way, that special treatment would come off as positive discrimination to me. Why can't he be a sociopathic genocider AND indigenous at the same time without being considered as racist? Does that mean all indigenous people have to be/are morally white? If all the other NA characters were demonized, I'd understand it, but it's the opposite. Also, Tzekel-kan is loosely based off Moctezuma, the (redundant) emperor of an Empire who enslaved other NA people. And, surprise, just like Cortés, I don't think the guy was evil. I think this is probably another reason why they didn't want to make clear the specific culture. I could see the racism if they had tried to directly compare Tzekel-kan with Moctezuma, I would perfectly be able to see the claim that Moctezuma was a sociopathic genocider, and I'd recognise that as racist. But in this case, it's just loose inspiration. Not a parody.

4.2. There was NO genocide in the Spanish NA colonies. There was NO legal slavery, save for a few unfortunate loopholes (tell you more later). (EDIT: careful, I'm NOT defending his monumental fuck-ups or justifying him in any way, just so you know. In my opinion, he was a fair lot more bad than good, but not 100% bad. If you get me) Hernán Cortés did a lot of undeniably wrong things, but he did good things too. I don't think you can say he was a good person, no person who'd say that would be a friend of mine, but I don't think he was a 100% evil person. Just a person, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Still, when he was bad, he was bad. And what op said about that they didn't care enough about him to write his name properly, BOY how that ticked me off. People, for all you hold dear, you have to CARE to know about such important historical figures in order to understand the history behind them and the outcomes of their actions. Especially within such a sensitive topic. It's when stories like this are ignored or forgotten, that history tends to repeat itself. The fact that I care to spell Hernán Cortés well has not the respectful positive connotation they think, either. And despite what you may believe, we Spaniards do NOT think he did everything right and much less that he was a hero. I think some Mexicans think we all do, but I don't know why. Only the most idiotic "fachas" (ultraright people) do.

4.3. One, he was not enslaved (tell you more later). Two, well, since he tried to mass-murder the inhabitants of the city, I... I do reckon putting him away was a good ending. Jesus, he tried to purge the city of citizens HE deemed unworthy in the name of a divine power (=on a religious basis) with the clear intention to wipe them out. It's clearly stated more than once throughout the movie. If you didn't know, by objective definition, the name of that starts with 'G' and ends with 'ENOCIDE'. And when that failed, he actively tried to drive the colonizers to them. Only because of that, he was technically much more of a genocider than the historical Cortés ever was. Are his actions really justified just because he's indigenous? Doesn't he deserve a punishment just because of it? I see "slavery" (if it were. Since enslaving NA in Spanish colonies was illegal at the time, I'd say he was kidnapped, in the strict sense of the word. Bit funny to word it like that) as a punishment more than fitting for his crimes. I think you all should drill this into your head: ANY abusive leader involved in (I can't believe I'm going to say this, but socially unacceptable) murder deserves to be punished in some way independently of his race, ethnicity or religion. This is something I believe firmly, so you have very little room to debate with me on this one. Do try, if you want.

By the way, I LOVE Tzekel-kan to death. Just the way he is. A charismatic, fanatical, sociopathic fictional high priest who tried to cleanse his city in the name of his gods through murder and human sacrifice, a practice that the other NA inhabitants very obviously did NOT enjoy (well, that definitely rings a historical bell). If you hadn't noticed, or perhaps thought it was impossible, let me tell you this: you can actually love evil characters without justifying their actions. It's legal. 100%. Unlike slavery in NA Spanish colonies at the time.

5. I don't see exactly how spirituality is portrayed as evil. More specifically, I don't see how the movie's actual magic is considered Aztec spirituality. Not a fan nor a hater of Hazbin Hotel, but I've seen one of the demon characters around Twitter using literal voodoo in a very unthoughtfully wrong way. That's a big no-no, in my opinion. And I see a clear difference with this because there is nothing in the stone jaguar magic that single-handedly resembles what Aztec religion actually was. I'm not saying this can't be done in a wrong way with indigenous NA spirituality, nor that they didn't take elements from it (they did), I just think that with all the context behind the movie, here it's just magic that serves a plot function. Aesthetic Aztec/Maya patterns appear here and there, arguably because those are the "places" where it's geographically based (and because Tzekel-kan is loosely based off Moctezuma, who was the religious spiritual leader who received the Quetzalcóatl premonition), but at the end of the day, I don't think it's much more than the fantasy you typically find in a kids' movie. No specific religion was portrayed as evil, no specific gods were portrayed as evil, the magic in itself wasn't portrayed as evil. In the movie, it was black magic because Tzekel-kan, who was evil, used it for evil. Who says that a giant stone cat can ONLY serve evil purposes? I'd use it for good, personally. Maybe transportation. Maybe architecture. Decoration. Festivities. (CW: 26-year-old making a boomer joke) Maybe to instill cordial fear among my neighbours.

EDIT: I've been thinking about this these days and I realised that in the specific stone jaguar "spell", Tzekel-kan needs to toss his poor aide into the mix for it to "activate". That is much more evil than neutral, so maybe I can kind of see this point now. And human sacrifice was part of some of these religions, after all, so maybe it does point towards Aztec spirituality. Still, as it didn't come off as evil to me until I've THOROUGHLY thought about it, I feel like questioning things. Does the "spell" need a human body, or an animal body would have served? The "recipe" doesn't state anything. It's Tzekel-kan who pushes him in. Do ALL the "spells" need a body to "activate"? Maybe not. I feel like maybe I can give you a part of this argument. But still... Hmm. I don't know. We were stuck with an evil religious high priest, but that doesn't necessarily mean ONLY he could use magic. Nor that ALL the magic was evil. But yeah, alright. I can sort of see this now... a bit.

6. I can give you this... for the most part. Knowing it mirrors history, and that historically, it was white men who rid the NA people enslaved by the Aztec Empire (which I believe is what the people of El Dorado ended up portraying, somehow oppressed by Tzekel-kan's sacrifices) of the Aztec Empire (even if woefully just to take their place), I'm not sure it's so simple. I still don't fully see it as plain white saviour narrative with that background info. In any case, I think my mind can be changed about this with the right argumentation. Surely not by a person who has no knowledge about history. Sorry, op.

7.1. For my next trick, I'll blow your mind: Cortés was no big bad evil genocider. He wasn't a golden-hearted saint or saviour either. Frankly, I believe most people think he was similar to Christopher Columbus (of whom I don't know as much, but sounds pretty 100% evil to me with what I have) by default. I'm also very certain they watched the movie and took that version of him as a faithful representation, but in reality he was very different. He was short, he was slender, he was way more charismatic, way less solemn and serious, and he had the reputation of a womanizer. He committed atrocities, like torturing and murdering the last Huey Tlatoani for rumours (Jesus, the Cholula massacre), but he also treated most indigenous people with respect (when he wasn't pathologically obsessed with gold), he talked with Moctezuma as if he were his kin, he always tried to negotiate before grabbing his arms, he listened to and followed the advice of an indigenous woman (Malinche). And once he had done the deed, his reputation was sunk, he was stripped of most of his titles and compensation for what he had done (karma? Possibly), and he had practically no say in the new territories. He went there for the gold above all, and all the crimes he committed were in its name. But unlike Miguel and Tulio (this is the reason why they're not colonizers, only looters), he ALSO wanted to seize control of the land for the Spanish Empire. As an anti-colonialist Spaniard, I can't help boiling up in anger every time I see someone call Miguel and Tulio colonizers. They are NOT coloziners, just like we are NOT colonizers. Our country was, hundreds of years ago. The people who claimed that land as theirs and believed that gave them the right to exploit it for centuries were. And believe me, if we're still here and have descended from humble families for more than 5 centuries, none of our ancestors saw a single piece of gold.

7.2. This is part of a broader topic but Cortés acted in the name of the Spanish Empire, who, thanks to Queen Isabella the Catholic and the laws she passed, considered NA people as citizens of the Crown and therefore could not be enslaved (legally), not to mention genocided. Physically genocided, I mean, because the cultural genocide is undeniable. And still, while so many parts of so many different cultures disappeared, some things like the Maya and Nahua languages were kept. Even if little, that means something. I find some comfort in that, especially when you take a look at what happened to indigenous people in British colonies. In relation to this, there's this something that's been haunting Spain since a thousand years ago that gains relevance when talking about this, called the Spanish Black Legend. Basically anti-Spain propaganda coming from other European countries demonizing everything the country had done/does. It started out of rivalry and envy. Nowadays, it's hard to say. This is why Hernán Cortés is always seen as an evil genocider, but not other colonizers like Julius Caesar from the Roman Empire. It also makes my blood curdle because it sticks with us in the most annoying ways possible. While American people tend to think Spain is part of Latin America, European people tend to think we're dumb, don't know other languages apart from Spanish and only like partying, and our collective international sentiment, especially facing other Europeans, is often shame. Ashamed to say you're from Spain, because there's only so many "España mucho fiesta and siesta" a sane person can take from people who only come to your country to raise the living costs, drink, sunbathe and throw themselves off balconies to jump in hotel pools. Look "balconing" up. God I HATE British people. In any case, to wrap this up, this Black Legend is also why everyone believes the Spanish colonization was the same as the British colonization. By norm, the British predated, but the Spanish generated (in America, because the Spanish DID enslave African people), despite all the horrible things it did. Because it did them.

Lastly, and just because it was also part of op's response, I want to say that I have no opinion about what negative impact this movie could have in terms of being a version of the Colombian legend of El Dorado. I don't know anything about that. I don't understand it, either. If someone wants to explain to me in which specific ways making a movie like this about it could be harmful to anyone (not the legend in itself, I think you can see I know as much), please tell me so I can think critically about it and contrast it. But please, specify the harm and consequences so I can understand them.

Jesus, I'm tired, but I want to say you CAN dislike the movie. I don't give two floating specks of dust whether you do or don't. What I do care about is that most arguments people use to say so are wrong, or rather, lack historical knowledge to support them. Or rather, there is historical knowledge which flat-out cancels them out. There IS negative portrayal on the basis of unthoughtfulness (like Chel and the Aila test), but NEVER in a mean way. On the whole, it's not the unsalvageable blatantly racist skeleton that has to be kept in the closet under lock and key that some people think it is. And, by the way, I'm very curious about why I have yet to see the same discourse about Inca portrayal in "The Emperor's New Groove". Feel free to toss it my way in case it exists and it's just I haven't seen it yet.

If you've reached this point, congratulations. Here's a disturbing little fact about me as a reward: this whole fixation that I have started because in 2020 I had a dream about this Hernán Cortés and Tzekel-kan having sex.

[fanfic-gallery]

Hii any chance you could do a genderblend Baal X reader

Smut sub Baal X Dom reader

His little helper [ NSFW MDNI ]

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✎ Yandere! GB! Ei x Reader

✎ Tags : headcanons, genderbend ei, gn! reader

✎ CW : smut, sub! ei, dom! reader, depictions and detailed ideals of a yandere, manipulation, kidnapping, blowjob, recording and photographing without consent, stealing, non-con

: ̗̀➛ Manager’s/Author’s note : I see you’re a yandere enjoyer~ well *slaps ‘yandere!’ on the word ‘smut’* let’s do this shall we~ Also if you are interested, go check out my other blog Fanart_Gallery if you like fanart and stuff  \(￣︶￣*\))

Yandere! GB! Ei, who once stepped out of his plane of eternity for a night on the streets of Inazuma city, fell so absolutely smitten with his young advisor, who in turn had caught the Shogun and advised against sneaking out of his domains. That he took the initiative of reprograming and re-tweaking his puppet for the sake of keeping an eye on you. But despite all that, prefers to keep check on you himself, not wanting his vessel to also fall into the feeling called ‘love’, especially after finding out it had a conscious on its own.

Yandere! GB! Ei, who takes advantage of his status of Shogan to leave inappropriate touches on your figure, from light grazes on your back to full on gropping your ass when your distracted. Yet you never seem to be bothered, as he always blames it on his lack of knowledge of humans in recent times. Despite not wanting to defile the shogun you did find discomfort when he would start caressing the skin near your sex as he gives you a ‘hug’.

Yandere! GB! Ei, who wouldn’t allow anyone else but you to serve him, no matter if the task at hand isn’t yours to solve. Your an advisor not his personal servant? Well, too bad, if he wants you to serve him tea and sticks of dango, you will obey. Unless, you wish for everyone you o’ so loved dearly to suffer the wrath of the shogun? That’s it, be a good little helper and let him lean in just like that.. Oh? Don’t mind the lingering fingers brushing against the spot between your thighs, he just forgotten that humans were sensitive when some of their parts are played with~

Yandere! GB! Ei, who would strings his subjects under the Tenryou Commission to do his misdeeds. Picturing your every move, from tame images of you just talking with the locals to degenerate close ups of you relishing yourself, not leaving any tiny details behind. The scent of stolen freshly worn undergarments stuffed deep within the caverns of his mouth, stained in nothing but his saliva as he jerked himself off to the newly recorded audio of your harmonic moans on repeat.

Yandere! GB! Ei, who would ask you about human intimacy, especially intercourse, often and many, ending off his questions with a request for a demonstration. Why wouldn't he, when your warmth is literally setting his skin ablaze with your hot breath fanning over him as you slowly take in his cock little by little. If it weren’t for how restrained he is, he would have spilled all over, stuffing that pretty leaking mouth of yours. Oh~ just imagining your face stained with his cum is enough to make him implode, even more so with your muffled moans and heated tongue licking his shaft.

Yandere! GB! Ei, whose patience has been wearing thin, deciding to just whisk you away from your mortal life and incase you within his planes of sand and storm. If only he had the power to strip you from your mortality, but till the day comes, he promises within the holds of his barrier, you are safe, taken cared of. A feast fit for a crown of a nation, spawns of bubbling lakes and pools to loosen a nerve or two, clothing made from the finest threads and fabrics. Every bit of his attention.. every bit.. was yours..

“..oh~.. oh how i wanted this for so long~ hah.. hAh~” Lilac hues hazed with lust, pools of saliva piling against the exposed skin of your abdomen as the slapping of skin to skin carried. Moans and whines of pleasure linked and synced nonchalantly, only muffled when tongues were entranced in a heated dance. Within the mist of your rapidly beating heart, you wished to escape, to push him away, yet the feeling of ecstasy drowned out your thoughts, letting your body take over.

“..touch me more~ touch mE- hah.. moreee~ my- my little helper~” Your archon demanded and you obeyed. You began lacing your fingers between the flushed skin of chest, ass, thigh. Glossed lips ghosting over his neck, collar, leaving and trailing bruising bites, etching and craving your hatred and anger against the being before you, who in turn, could only squeal louder and louder from every marking your canine teeth created.

“..I- I don’t think~ I cAn last mu-much longer.. my precious.. s-servent~ haH.. aH~ ” His hips escalated, hitting your pelvis with enough force you thought your bones might shatter with how much he is pounding against you. His hands bolted straight for your back, dragging you forward, drawing your lips to his again to muffle the screams of his release. White fluids drippled, leaving droplets along your chest before they glide and pool within the crevice of your waist and his flushed thighs.

“ ..hah.. I.. I love you, my little h-helper~ I’m yours, for eternity and forever~ ”

[ahalal-uralma]

Just wanted to say thanks for tagging the scam ask you got! Kylie Moore is one of the names I have under my master list of named scammers which would show up if others searched it. Sadly many don't search, even though my side blog (kyra45) archives/records pet donation scammers.

I am always happy to find out when there are other people tracking and documenting the scammers, too. So thank you for reaching out!

A lot of people do not consider giving a second-hand or thorough look. I wouldn’t say it is pure laziness necessarily that motivates it, but it can be a large lack of observational skills as that’s what the criminals are counting on. They just want to bait people’s empathy and need for easy answers/solutions to presumed difficult questions/situations; or maybe, people were not taught the proper tools/resources.

Some of the criteria I go off of to discover a donation scammer on this site for those who are wanting to know and apply it for their own personal awareness and knowledge:

- Can you thoroughly identify the person or organization they’re affiliated with?

This is extremely important! There should be a verified donation link to a proper donation site! Or at the least, if it’s a company then look for a proper company site of some kind.

If the information and documentation in general is too vague or non-existent? No! Non! Nein! Nem! Just no, no, noooooooo! NO.

Depending on how they intend to accept and receive someone’s money, they could be also taking more than what was consented to being given! Scammers are malicious and can steal people’s identity as well. There’s an increased chance of this happening if they’re withholding personal information about themselves.

More than that, it’s mandatory for tax-reports! They are committing tax fraud and evasion if there’s no way to identify their funds to the IRS (international/US) or other similar government facilities and locate how much money is exactly being received by them! This includes if they’re approved for a tax appeal, because they have to report information and get an approval! I would know about that process, by the way, because I used to have to work with churches at my old job and help them file the paperwork!

This is why official donation sites are beneficial, because they are automatically setup to require tracking of funds to the IRS and other facilities! You may not see all of that activity on your end, but those kind of sites will.

A little reality check: sites like PayPal may not refund your bank if you get scammed!

This is depending on if you gave authorization and if you report it within 60 days!

They will stop the scammer and help you cut off your card, but there’s no 100% guarantee you’ll get your money back! So don’t be reckless!

- Are they using real photos or are they using stolen/stock photos? There are many sites like tinyeye.com that let you reverse image search and fact-check the origins of a photo. Some scammers might actually be stealing/harming live animals or manipulating interactions with dead ones, but there is also cases of image theft. Do not count on clean morality/ethics, because then they wouldn’t be a scammer.

- Check for vague or shady details in any photos used. Be situationally aware of the professional environment, if one is mentioned.

If they’re saying the pet is in a medical facility and there’s no proper, sanitary equipment? No visible presence of a doctor? No medical labels? Misuse of bandages/treatment procedures? If you see an iv with no iv line. No use of gloves, especially during a procedure. Dirty animal, people, cages or beds. Abnormal wounds and missing body parts. Blood is all over the animal, people or location. Ailments/Injuries in photo do not align with the writing. Red flags.

[howtotrainyournana]

All We Do anon here!!

I'm very happy to hear that interaction helps! It's one of the main reasons why I always try to engage with / show appreciation to authors with comments, asks, etc. The artist and audience thrive off of each other!! Creative mutualism is a thing that is to be cherished and nourished! And congratulations on those daily writing habits! I've been trying to write again after some years and it's been difficult breaking into it again. But I'm determined to do it!!

I love the new version of "Hello My Old Heart" so so much and I am very very happy to hear that you also love it!! Two very different perspectives shown by the two versions but both wonderful and heartfelt and human!!

Just started listening to some of your recommendations and I really like them! "Make This Timeline Brighter" is very soothing? Smooth? Not sure how to describe it but it's good!!

I will happily wait!! And also thank you so much for the snippet!! Love the homeliness of the descriptions!! All the thread and fabric makes me think of a warm cozy cottage. Very curious why Drea kidnapped a king? Is it before Techno gets controlled and this is a warning? Is it after and discussing what to do? Is it even after than that and Techno is a hero now?? Is this about winning the bet or something else entirely?? I'm so intrigued!

(also the "I am here, queer and ready to listen to music until my brain melts" made me happy. I too am here, queer, and ready to listen to music until my brain melts!! I love music so much!!! One of my absolute favorite artforms!!!)

(also hi mischeif-lileep, if you ever see this, I have no idea who you are but if you don't know Sleeping At Last, check them out!!! I realize my ask only refers to them as SAL, so here's the actual name so you can find the songs! SAL is really really good.)

(and one last note, yes having full conversations through asks is indeed very fun!! gives me something to look forward too as well everytime I check your blog!)

All We Do anon I love you and I'm kissing you gently on the forehead. *mwah*

Bless your entire face for being the person who gives feedback. You're doing blessed work and I hope every person you give encouragement and interaction to appreciates you. I know I do. Creative mutualism is so so real and we're propagating it together right now. Also, this is an encouragement and a threat - you ARE going to succeed getting back into writing and when you DO publish or share something, let me see it so I can scream encouragement at you like you've done for me. Because you deserve it. And whatever you create? I'm going to be proud of you for it. That is a threat.

I'm glad you liked the recommendations!!!! Scribe has so much good stuff. I got the chance to hang out and record stuff with Scribe and Nate a few years back and it was one of the most lovely experiences I've ever had. They're such good people and I love them.

I'm so glad you liked the snippet!!!! Timeline wise "so build me a cottage of sunlight and stone" takes place right after "and played like a record on endless repeat", which if you remember ends with a conversation between Dream and XD about escalating Dream's villainy to the next level. Up until this point Dream has been mostly small-scale, harassing farmers and burning down buildings and committing petty thievery. And bothering Technoblade. (mostly bothering Technoblade). Now, though, he's stepping it up, because that's the only way to keep and hold Techno's attention, which Dream desperately needs to do. You're going to get more information on the nature of Dream's bet and why he needs to win it in the next chapter or two of "to a familiar tune we resist"! I'm so so so excited to post that next chapter. I just have to finish writing it.

Just to make it a bit easier if it was hard to follow - timeline is that when Techno was eight, the Blood God possessed him and used him to go on a killing spree and kill like, a whole third of the world. Dream met Technoblade shortly before he was fully possessed, when he was dying in the Creative God's garden (read: graveyard) and Dream saved him. (these are the events of "to a familiar tune we resist"). The Blood God was stopped from continuing the spree by ~interferences yet unknown~ and now, over a decade later, Dream and Technoblade meet again, this time as villain and hero. (these are the events of the first three fics in the series, "all my foundations are laid next to yours", "in part, in whole, in pieces", "and played like a record on endless repeat"). At the point of "so build me a cottage of sunlight and stone" in the timeline, I believe Dream and Technoblade have been facing off for about a year or so? I'm not looking at any of my reference materials at the moment, so I might be wrong, but that's what I remember off the top of my head. Things are going to continue to escalate after this for about another year or so, before the fic and scene that's I've had written for nearly three years occurs. I'm so excited to publish that, when it finally happens. If you have any more "kill me softer" questions, let me at 'em! I'd love to answer them.

HELLO FELLOW MEMBER OF THE ALPHABET MAFIA. HAIL AND WELL MET!

(please continue the conversations through asks, I'm utterly delighted by them lol)

[styxnbones]

I'm going to start a vtm campaign with a friend soon but I know fuck all about this series aside from what I've gleaned from your blog so. do you have any advice for me

one of us one of us one of us

first off, and this is generally just good advice for any game but especially with world of darkness' track record, feel free to throw out any bullshit you find in the lore. there's a lot of Yikes stuff still in there, even in 5th edition, and even more the older a resource you're drawing on. that said, there's also a lot of lore that is genuinely really cool that gets glossed over in more recent material, so if you read something in the core book that you want to know more about there's a good chance you can find more on the white wolf wiki (which, while unfortunately owned by fandom, does actually have a lot of good articles and at very least can point you at the book you actually want to look at).

Also, while vtm is often a very intense dramatic game of personal and political horror, it also very much has the range to be a bit campy and edgy as well. So, if you're making a character and you find yourself thinking "oh my god is this cringe" you should 100% lean into it and embrace the cringe. you're pretending to be a vampire pretending to not be a vampire- the world is terrible and awful and either you are or will become a tragedy, but also as a premise it's a little silly inherently and that's part of the fun.

circling back to the personal horror part- and this is again another "good advice for any game but especially in the case of vampire specifically" thing- try to make sure that everyone in the group has a really good understanding of eachothers lines and veils (hard and soft limits on what may take place in the game) and that everyone is on the same page about what kind of story you want to tell and what people want out of it. vtm will inevitably involve putting your characters through horrible things, but those horrible things should be mutually enjoyed by everyone at the table. in my experience, if you dont have a strong session 0 and regular check ins with your fellow players it can be very easy for people to overstep or simply misalign/misunderstand and end up with others getting seriously upset irl. vampires are often not good to eachother, but their players should still try to be.

one last thing- regardless of what version you're playing (since some of these are mechanical aspects in some editions and not in others) try to put a lot of thought into your character's Convictions, Ambitions, and the Nature and Demeanor of their personality. vampire is a social game more than anything else, and those aspects are really the most important part of the character- far more than what their clan or disciplines are. before anyone is ever embraced they're a human person with beliefs and goals and a way that they present themself to the world (which may or may not be true to the way they actually are), and the way that the remnants of that human person adapt and carry on through existence as a kindred are what make them really interesting.

[merveiilles]

⋆˚  ✧. ┊┊ ANONYMOUS;; asked: You know if you temporarily use beta, you can post and change the settings so nobody can reblog your said posts with warnings?

// You know, if you check my post, you will see that I do have reblogs turned off! :D I don't want non-mutuals and non-rp blogs to touch my personal things such as drawings that I want to share with my friends. I've been on the internet/this hell site for long enough to know that non-rp/other random people on the internet give 0 fucks about people's feelings or rules that someone might have in place. Why do you think that I put a large watermark in the middle of my drawings? I also found my art on a dvd in Wal.mart years ago. The people that stole my art never asked to use it. And I tried to hunt them down, but eerily enough, it was like they never existed and only one dvd ever was. My family knew/knows multiple people in wal.mart, one somewhat in the higher-ups of the company... and they said that they have no record of said dvd...it was by chance, I was at a store 3hrs away from home, and I noticed my art sticking out like a sore thumb among other covers. it was insane, and now, I don't trust posting my stuff on the internet I know that once it's posted, it's there forever. But at least I could put some watermarks through it, because the one that was stolen, the watermark was in the corner, but my signature was visible. And they had cut my watermark out. needless to say, it really fucked me up. But thank you for your concern. I am 100% taking advantage of the non-rebloggable options on this site since it came out. <3

[aliensunflower-fics]

Marinette The Perfect Daughter In Law: A Prompt

[ I've seen a few ‘everyone loves Marinette AU’s’ and a couple Marvel DC ‘all the mentors want THEIR kid to end up with Marinette AU’s’ and well frankly! I felt inspired! So I present to you my new prompt / AU thing! In which all the most powerful / rich / popular people in Paris decide to play matchmaker… ]

It starts when Adrien and Kagami have a less than AMICABLE break up according to their parents and the media anyway in reality it was a really REALLY dull break up. The pair have been ‘dating’ (using each other as an excuse to go out and experience normal teenage stuff) since they were 15. Now at 17 soon to be 18 the pair decided to publicly break up in order to pursue other people and interests. The problem is they never told their parents the truth so both Gabriel and Kagami’s mother Tomeo feel protective and concerned about what must surely be an upsetting first heartbreak for their child. And okay maybe both parents take that out on each other and both get a bit defensive and protective. And MAYBE it ends with Tomeo vowing to get revenge for her daughter. Enter, Marinette. Up and coming fashion designer for the rich and famous! She’s single, talented, and as far as Tomeo knows Gabriel is interested in the girl for her talent. So what better revenge could exist but having Marinette take an interest in Kagami!

Kagami has no idea why her mother suddenly has an interest in Marinette but she wont complain about having more time with her very cute designer friend. And all the outfits Tomeo is paying Marinette to make for Kagami is giving the young fencer plenty of up-close and personal moments with Marinette. And okay Marinette is VERY cute and Kagami wont question why she suddenly has all this tine with Marinette, eating ice cream with the girl and having brunch. But she knows shes absolutely head over heels when Marinette shows up at her fencing tournament gives her a luck charm and cheers her on wearing HER colors. Obviously Kagami wiped the floor with all the competition she cant be seen hesitating in front of Marinette!

On Tomeo’s side of things she makes sure that the paparazzi still lurking around after Kagami and Adrien’s breakup catch photos of what could easily be interpreted as dates between the girls. After all this is a revenge ploy but also Marinette is fantastic so Tomeo is 300% down with Kagami ‘bringing her into the family’ something she tells Kagami after the first paparazzi ‘date photos’ leak into the news. Kagami still has no idea this was an orchestrated affair and just thinks her mothers caught on to her feelings and is overjoyed that Marinette is approved of because after the cheek kiss Marinette gave her for winning the fencing tournament Kagami was preparing to fight her mother for the right to pursue the young designer seriously. After all she never hesitates! 

But Tomeo never realized Gabriel isnt the only one interested in Marinette. Audrey Bourgeouis has been keeping an eye on Marinette trying to find a way to get Marinette on to her side and away from Gabriel. So when she sees the photos of Kagami and Marinette she sees an opportunity. After all if Marinette isnt exclusively into men (and those photos of her flushed cheeks as Kagami cleans ice cream off her bottom lip are a clear indication shes not) then Audrey smells opportunity. After all Marinette was Chloe’s first crush! How cute would that be! The next day Marinette is being offered yet another opportunity to intern under Audrey this time with much looser restrictions. When Marinette accepts she suddenly finds herself working with Chloe… A LOT. The pair are modeling together, often paired together for shoots in perfect complementary clothes that screams ‘opposites attract’. Chloe is also helping manage Marinette’s brand and the two start to get along very well. The model photos and their business lunches are soon plastered alongside the Kagami and Marinette outings with parisian gossip blogs finding their interest picked by this potential love triangle.

Chloe for one, was confused at first. Sure she knew her mom was interested in Marinette but she never thought SHE would be working so closely with her first crush. And Chloe tries to ignore it, after all those are dead feelings! And Marinette woud never forgive her anyway so why even- Wait. Is that Marinette in a downright gorgeous golden dress? A-and she will be posing right next to Chloe for their shared shoot? Well… Chloe always thought herself deserving of royalty and damn if Marinette aint the princess of her dreams. Sorry Adriken’s you had your chance to get the girl, but now its winner keeps all and Marinette is the only prize shes interested in. For the record Alya is freaked out by Chloe being nice, but shes more weirded out by Chloe being protective and handsy and downright shamelessly flirty with Marinette. Audrey is pleased when she hears the news and is quick to give her daughter encouragement acting as if none of this was premeditated at ALL.

Oh but they have no idea that this is just the beginning. Because guess who's moved back into town. Adrien’s favorite cousin and aunty. And Felix’s mom is quite the busybody and dammit Felix needs friends! And maybe a cute girlfriend! And oh whos that pretty girl on the magazine cover? Marinette? The one her celebrity connections have nothing but praise for? Perfect! Shes invited to lunch with Felix and herself on friday to discuss movie costumes! And oh Audrey dear dont you think Marinette would look fabulous sandwiched between TWO blondes! Felix hasnt modeled in a while but come now. So suddenly Marinette is being spotted with Felix guiding him about paris and modeling with him AND Chloe under AUDREY’s brand NOT Gabriels.

Felix thought hed really hate Marinette; he tried to ignore her he really did. But shes funny, witty and sweet. Not to mention trustworthy, so a good candidate for a business partner. And thats it, but then he has to admit hes impressed when he rolls up to a photoshoot and Chloe! The definition of brat personified is acting… Bearable. Yes, somehow Marinette has done the impossible! She has tamed the beast known as Chloe. And yes fine he will admit shes drop dead gorgeous and how intelligent of her to learn all sides of the fashion industry and boost her rep with modelling! Soon hes spending more time with her, he tries to argue he needs a guide, that shes the most bearable person to be with! That she is just a friend- Oh god. No it cant be! He sounds like-! Like ADRIEN! And Chloe already told him about THAT mess! No! Absolutely not! He will not lead on Marinette like his idiot cousin! Marinette is a rare and beautiful woman! She could be his queen! And god he has to admit it much as he loathes too Marinette’s smile is enough to make him thank every non-existent god. He will win her heart, show her that she deserves better than his brain dead cousin! Felix is sure mother will approve of his decision to pursue the girl, now he just needs to do more shoots with Marinette...

And that's what finally gets Gabriel to snap. Because REALLY Felix!? Is there no loyalty to FAMILY. Not to mention he was totally drafting a potential contract for Marinette when Audrey snapped her up the witch! But its fine! Marinette has always been interested in Adrien! Surely she still is? Surely she's not been swayed by any of her new suitors! Right? Gabriel knows he can't mess with Audrey’s contract so he goes through Adrien, freeing up his sons schedule and telling him to spend time with Marinette to help her ‘adapt’ to the harsh world of fashion and modeling. He uses Adrien’s heroic nature to make it sound like hed be saving her from Chloe and Felix. And sure enough Adrien bites, using his friendship with Chloe to worm into fittings, meetings, and photo shoots. At first hes just there to make sure Chloe and Felix arent hurting sweet Marinette. But when he sees the blondes fighting for her attention, flirting with her, posing with her in some rather romantic settings. Suddenly hes less worried and more… Jealous? No! Not him! Hes concerned, confused, suspicious! Obviously he needs to spend more time with Mari- Wait! When did Kagami get here to take Marinette to lunch! And why are they all ignoring him!!!

Now Marinette is fully in the public's eye. Gossip blogs are being fed bits of info writing up each ‘candidates’ appeal as THE romantic partner to the Marinette Dupain-Cheng paris new darling, the girl with a heart of gold too oblivious to see the trail of hearts following her around! But there is still another contender yet to enter the game! Jaggeds been away on tour teaching Luka his up and coming protege all the tricks. And lets not lie Luka has his own fans now, enough to rival all the others. Jagged sees Luka as his own son, even calling him as much! Hell hes even adopted Luka and Juleka and when I say adopted I mean Jagged literally got shared custody of the kids when their real dad tried to start trouble once Luka started gaining fame. Luka and Juleka for one love their adopted father and his wonderful fiance Penny. But back to Jagged, being Jagged. 

The moment Jagged is back in Paris he's checking up on his favorite designer and hopefully future daughter in law! When… WHAT'S THIS?! All the other ritchies in Paris are playing his game! Trying to get Marinette married into THEIR families! Not rock and roll at all! He was here first! And so being Jagged he decides to make Luka’s stake in the race for Marinette’s heart clear! By spamming social media with photos of Marinette being cute with Luka, taking his measurements, going out with him, the pair babying Fang, the two passed out against each other after a long concert. And he has photos going back at least a year or two! Soon Luka’s fans pick up the hype starting a trending hashtag finding the pair cute! Jagged feels confident that hes won! When Audrey retaliates, and from there its a complete train wreck. Before long each pair has a hashtag filled with cute moments and arguing over whos dating the model / fashion designer! 

Meanwhile Adrien is drowning in denial as he goes through each hashtag seething about how many MORE photos everyone else has with Marinette, when HE is her very good friend and was here first! Felix, Chloe and Kagami on the other hand have declared open war after they tried to talk to each other about the hashtags reasonably only for it to devolve into “so you agree Marinette is best with me!” - “WHAT! No! Thats not what I said! Besides she clearly is best with me!” - “Ridiculous!” And so on. Poor Luka is having an entirely different reaction hiding in shame unsure how to face Marinette because he WAS going to ask her on a proper date now that she seems over Adrien, because even with everything she's the melody playing in his heart and he had a plan! But now his mom and sister are texting him and teasing him and apparently he has MORE competition! Who do these people think they are to deserve Marinette! No! Luka won't lose Jagged has been teaching him to be bold and confident! And Marinette is worth all of his efforts! Jagged REGRETS NOTHING even if Penny confiscated the tv remote!

Marinette meanwhile has no idea what's going on because the whole class made a dumb bet on when the designer would notice with one of the bet conditions being that no one could tip Marinette off and that they have to keep her away from Paparazzi so they dont spoil it either. And sense Alya is helping manage Marinette’s social media Marinette hasn't looked at it yet so she has NO idea what's happening. But her birthday is coming up next week and Chloe definitely didn't get dibs on planning a surprise party for her all so she could spoil the girl and RUB her GREAT relationship with Marinette into her competitions FACES! The competition however (and Adrien JustAfriend Agreste) have decided that they really aren't going down without a fight!

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[nobodycallsmerae]

Hello, Hello!

Soo, a few days back, I had shared a post asking for some BBRae AU fanfiction recommendations, so, let's put the fact aside that it didn't really help... but now, I'm here to share some stories that I've read, and I recommend reading!

So, this list only consists of AU (Alternate Universe) stories where they aren't superheroes, so you can skip it if you want ^^

So... I won't rank them, because I think every story is amazing, (and I'm pretty easy to please,) so, I'm just assorting them as I keep collecting the links :) Also, I'll try my best to review the stories without giving away any spoilers...

Firstly, there are too many good fics to count, but here I am mentioning the ones which stood up in my mental folder. (Also, it only includes completed stories.)

This list includes all types of stories, high school, co-workers, roommates and all... the ratings are between T-M.

(Links lead to stories on Fanfiction.net.)

The Butterfly Effect -by Light NS | Rated M for semi-sexually explicit material and topics of depression and suicide.

This story definitely comes in my top-5 list blindly, and it deserves so much more! The story is about Gar and Raven, who are adults now... and let's just say there are far too many coincidences in this one! It's a lovely story with also a healthy amount of tension... because, I personally believe it can't be BBRae without some arguments *shruggs*. You should definitely check it out if you haven't already!!

Broken -by LightNS | Rated T

Oofff... okay, so this story is actually one of the first BBRae stories I've read and it's really close to my heart...

First of all, I want to say that the characters in this story are freakishly accurate. I mean, the personalities are on-point. In this story, the Titans are high schoolers, but this isn't exactly a high school romance kinda book. To be honest, this isn't exactly a romance book..(?) It's more like an action/thriller... And... it isn't heavily a BBRae book... I mean, yeah, it is based on those two characters, and Gar spends most of his time crushing on her... but, y'know, it's a book that shows both of them growing... and learning about each other -and themselves.

The writer does an amazing job to portray the character's feelings and personalities, and I'm sure her writing won't disappoint you.

The only drawback this story has is... well, it has a discontinued sequel named "Glass", so, it's kinda sad that, I mean, I've fallen in love with those characters... but, they don't really have a happy ending soo…

This writer is also on Tumblr, @lightns881 , so you can also visit her blog and support her!

By the way, there're also really great BBRae communities to be found on Fanfiction.net and you can check them out for more fun stuff to read. The ones I thoroughly recommend are:

"Best Of BBRae" which basically has all the goodness, IU and AU (but, it's a bit old so... you might not see newer fics there.); and

"Best Of BBRae AU's" which is a collection of one of the best AU stories.

Moving on...

Everything Has Changed -by Chibi 1309 | Rated M for Mature themes and language.

This story also comes in my beloved top-5 list!!

I don't really know what to say about this story without ruining it, but if you're on the lookout for an adult Titans BBRae fic, this is definitely your stop. Well, let me just say that, Gar and Rachel are best friends, a troupe I personally adore, and they live together in an apartment in Jump City.

This story has a lot... I mean, A LOT of feels, and the writer... *chef kiss* She really knows what she's doing. May it be the setting, the characters, the emotions... the author could deliver it wonderfully.

It also has a lot of other Titan members, so I like the fact that it also gives us an insight on what's going on in their lives too, rather than just Gar and Rachel.

Hands up in surrender, I won't say anything else, because I don't trust my mouth (or fingers), but this work is definitely a must read.

"Spy vs Spy" by Caitastrophe8499 | Rated M for mature themes, violence, and adult situations.

This... is a masterpiece people. You should definitely read it... like RIGHT NOW!

In this story, Gar and Rae are from rival agencies, Doom Patrol and Titans, and as fate has it, they're forced to work together. Neither of them are happy about it, because of each other's cocky and standoffish attitude and as both of them work best solo... and also... both of them hate each other... at first. This book, it includes lots of action, and if you knew me, you'll know that I am a sucker for crime and thriller. I mean, this story in itself is so great, it could be adapted into an ACTION MOVIE!! Or maybe a graphic novel to start with. :)

And what's best about it is, it doesn't only show two people romance each other, it shows a group of people working together to catch a deadly villain. I won't say much more to build suspense, but all I'll say is, it's entertaining, spicy, and the character dynamic fit perfectly with their relationship and situation, and if you haven't read it, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!! CHECK IT OUT NOW!! This will probably be one of the best recommendations of your life.

Assuming -by magisterquinn | Rated T

This is a feel good, light-hearted BBRae story that I very much enjoyed. So, basically, it's about Raven (or is it Rachel, I forget), and how the (dashingly handsome and) annoying employee won't leave her alone. She also gets a series of mail that sparks her interest, and I don't trust myself to say more without spoiling it.

Magisterquinn, the author, has an amazing collection of the BBRae (AU) stories they've written, "Chivalry Isn't Dead", "Making Mr.Right" (a must read) and "In Paris" to name a few, so, I definitely recommend checking out their profile for amazing and clever reads.

The Malchior Widow -by beautifulpurpleflame | Rated M

...this story...all I wanna say is... if you haven't read it, you're missing out on something wonderful in your fangirl(/boy) life.

This story is based on my favorite troupe, which is where all Gar wants is for Raven to open up to him. It's like, Raven is a reserved, "untouchable" person, and Gar, being Gar... feels an urge to talk to her. After many, many attempts, when Gar finally talks to her, his friends are like, "How'd you get her to talk?" or "How's she open up to you?" and the response is, "No one's ever even tried before."

"The Malchior Widow" goes at a satisfying, feel-good pace... and it's one hell of a journey. I mean, as the title suggests, Raven's a widow, and she isn't exactly open to the possibility of loving... or trusting someone else yet. It shows not only both of them falling in love... but also understanding, knowing, and learning to trust each other.

Another good AU story by Beautifulpurpleflame is "The Beach House", so you can also read that.

Honorary mention::

"How To Save Her Life" (Rated T) by "Beautifulpurpleflame"

If you're looking for a wholesome, toe-curling good, filled with feels, amazing, awesome, family Titans BBRae story... this book will give you everything... or any of Beautifulpurpleflame's stories really...

I mean, that girl... is a legend... Her stories are so great.. just... I'm speechless

Don't forget to check 'em out.

You can also follow this amazing writer on Tumblr, @beautifulpurpleflame , and show her some love and support.

Okay, another story... Now this may be considered cheating, as I'm only including completed stories... but I couldn't stop myself from not mentioning this story...

Nevermore Records -by LilyTimbers | Rated T

According to the author, only one chapter and an epilogue is left... so, I guess we could wave it off with a yellow flag?

I, myself, can't go on a single day without music. And the idea of my favorite team of superheroes... being a Rock Band..? Boy, ya' don't gotta tell me twice!

This is a slow burn story, which includes Gar in his mid-twenties, along with the other Titans (except Raven), being a part of a Rock Band, which plays gigs at different places just as a side hobby. But, as they have real talent, they get a once in a life-time chance to be an officially labeled band, they're ought to be super hit. Here, we also see some other Titans, which is a real sight for sore eyes sometimes... But, just being good doesn't mean that everything's out for them in a gold platter. The team itself faces lots of challenges which is, truth be told, really entertaining. And the fact that Gar's love interest is his own manager? Oooh... you're up for a real good ride...

I'll keep the rest of the reading to you... and believe me, the story is waaay better than my small review.

The author is also an amazing artist, and has many beautiful BBRae fanarts on her Tumblr profile @lilytimbers , so you can follow her for updates! (though tbh I think you already do... but I felt like saying it, soo...)

If you're also a sucker for musical band based BBRae story, don't forget to check out

Harmony -by Kid Walker | Rated M

Here, Raven joins a singing group which does covers, and quite willingly, she can't seem to keep her eyes off of their leader/director, Gar Logan... and looks like he can't either. It's an amazing story, and I believe you'll really enjoy reading it!

(The story itself is complete, just some extra bonus chapters that the Author posts are yet to be updated, so I guess this story qualifies.)

.

There is also a huge collection of amazing BBRae AU stories on Wattpad, too many to count, but here are two stories that I remember... and had a good time reading...

(On Wattpad only: (and only completed ones.))

High School -by anssoftball94

Soo... as you might've guessed from the title, here Gar and Rae are high schoolers. They live together with Rick (Dick/Robin), Kory and Vic in the Tower. I guess we could call it a slow burn, and what I enjoy is it also has the other Titans in a satisfying amount.

What I love about this story is that Gar and Rae don't just jump into a romantic relationship (like most teens do, I'm just sayin'!) and start a romance, no. In this story, first, they understand each other... and in a subtle manner, fall for each other. It's a really sweet and practical story, and I really enjoyed it... (even though I had to wait for the ending for decades!!)

Just one thing that makes this story a bit weird is that instead of "Gar" or "Garfield", Beast Boy is mentioned as "Logan" throughout the whole story... so... it was a bit... y'know? *shruggs*. But otherwise it's a must read.

A+ -by NikolaDabrowska

This story, to be honest, will definitely qualify as a cliché high school romance, "popular basketball kid falls for introverted bookworm nerd", but I really enjoyed reading it.

I mean like, you know what they say about Disney Classics, right? Even though we've read Beauty and The Beast or Snow White, we still like to watch the movies..? This story's like that.

Even though the troupe is kinda cliché, the story itself is executed in a very engaging manner, with interesting character dynamics and some original plots, so, I would definitely recommend reading it. (I, myself, have read it more than five times...)

.

.

.

So, that was a list of the BBRae AU stories that I highly recommend! There are more amazing (and incomplete) stories out there to read, but these are just the ones I've thoroughly enjoyed (and remembered.)

Also, feel free to share your BBRae story, if you have written any, and I'll happily read and support your story!!

Happy Reading!

Quick endnote, if you've read this post till here, do me a favor and check out my stories too! ;)

On Fanfiction.net and Wattpad.

All of my stories are complete, instead of "Tease Is Just The Cover" on FF.net (which I don't think I'm gonna work on any time soon), so feel free to check 'em out!

Sorry for the advertising, but I also want an audience y'know?

THANK YOU! And I hope you have a good day/evening/night ahead!

[asleepinawell]

Been having a lot of Thoughts about the nier series recently and the larger themes of both games and wanted to jot them down and toss them into the void of the internet.

Massive spoilers for nier automata follow, including for ending e. Do not read this if you ever intend to play nier automata. There are spoilers for nier replicant as well, though not for ending e.

One of the biggest themes both nier games tackle is the tragedy of an uncaring universe. Bad things happen to good people, people who think they're good and doing the right thing find out they were actually committing atrocities, the very idea that there's 'good' and 'bad' people is dissected and rejected. At the end of the day, the universe doesn't give a shit about any of us and none of it matters. Enjoy your existential despair!

In nier replicant, the main character starts off as an optimistic young boy who wants to save, not only his sister, but the entire world. After the time skip, nier is a young man whose optimism has (partially) been tarnished and whose goal has narrowed down to just saving his sister. As you move through each route you understand more and more how tragic the world is and how, despite your best intentions, you are only adding to the tragedy of the world. The original 4 endings of nier replicant are all tragic in some way. Ending D has a glimmer of hope in it in the form of nier being able to save kainé at the cost of his own existence, but it's a bittersweet ending and the world is ultimately doomed anyway.

Which brings us to nier automata. Even more so than replicant, automata hammers home the meaningless of everything, the uncaring universe, tragedy both avoidable and unavoidable. The main characters are locked in an endless loop of violence and despair. The worst that could happen, does, again and again. It thrives off the type of tragedy porn I usually hate.

Except....

Except it doesn't. If endings a and b are the opening statement, endings c and d are the facts and body of the essay, but then there's ending e, the concluding paragraph which takes everything we've been told and gives you the chance to draw your own conclusion from it.

Route e starts after you've gotten both ending c and d and is no longer about the characters in the game at all. Route e is about you, the player, and what you believe. It says "we've given you a story of complete despair, we've shown you the universe is unfair and doesn't give a fuck about you, we've shown you things that end in tragedy. despite all of this, do you still believe it's worth fighting for the hope of something better?"

And then it asks you to prove it.

Route e is the ending every fan has asked for when they've said "I'll fight the creators to give my favs a happy ending." Today is your lucky day!

Route e is the ending credits of the game, except that the ending credits have turned into a bullet hell mini game. In fighting the actual credits themselves, you are fighting the game devs. You are saying fuck you I don't believe that everything is pointless. Fighting for better is always worth it. The meaning that we imbue in life is important to us and that matters.

The bullet hell of the end credits starts out fairly simple and gets harder and harder as you go, lasting something like 15 minutes total, which is a brutally long time to be playing something that requires split second timing and 100% of your focus. It's meant to feel insurmountable, just like the challenges the characters in the game faced (the larger plot challenges, not the combat). You will likely die a lot and check points are few and far between.

But there's more to it than that. The first time you die, a prompt comes up:

And then when you die again:

Except now, there’s a message on the screen. A message that appears to be from another player, somewhere in the world.

And again:

(this one really fucked me up, but that’s for a different post).

And then finally:

(thank you user MR-YE-1996)

When you accept the rescue offer, you go back to the bullet hell again, but now you have a wall of other players around your weak little avatar, shielding you from harm. The music, which has been a single vocal track up until now, gains an entire chorus of voices to represent the army of actual players who’ve shown up to save you (and there’s a lot I could say about the use of the (exquisitely good) music in the nier games, and especially about the difference in lyrical themes between ashes of dreams and weight of the world). Every time a bullet hits one of the players surrounding you, there’s a message saying that user’s data has been lost. Users from all over the world are sacrificing themselves to help you. It’s a very nice, heart-warming moment that you still don’t understand the full impact of quite yet.

After you beat the credits, you’re rewarded by a final cutscene. The android protagonists have been reconstructed and will receive a second chance at life. The narration at this point talks about how life exists within the spiral of life and death we are all trapped in. One of the two pods talking points out that even though the androids are being given a second chance at life, there’s a possibility that things will go just as poorly once again. And the other pod agrees, but adds: “However, the possibility of a different future also exists.”

And then the scene ends with this quote: “A future is not given to you. It is something you must take for yourself.”

And this is really the final conclusion of the game. There is no inherent meaning in the universe, so the meaning we give our lives is the most meaningful thing. (And the ‘you’ here isn’t necessarily an individual either. It can be, or it can be humanity as a whole, or even one group). And you, the player, thought that it was worth fighting to give these characters a second chance, and other players out there in the world thought it was worth helping you to do so.

It’s such a wonderfully beautiful piece of meta interpretation posing as a game ending, and also a departure from the final conclusion of previous Yoko Taro games. It feels like a much more mature and nuanced interpretation of the world than the ending of replicant was (I won’t comment on the new ending e of replicant just yet since it didn’t come out that long ago). (Also, for the record, I love nier replicant and the characters in it with my entire heart. This post is not bashing it).

But the game has one more surprise in store for you. After the cutscene ends, you’re given one last choice. The game asks if you have any interest in helping other players the way you were helped. And if you say yes, you’re told that the only way you can do this is to sacrifice all your save data.

I think that sacrifice hits differently for different people. Some people genuinely won’t mind that at all. As someone who probably still has save data from games I played 20 years ago, it felt like a gut punch. To me, save data represents all the time and emotion and energy I’ve put into a game. Games are so deeply important to me in so many ways and have been since my childhood when they were one of the few ways I could escape from a lot of terrible shit going on in my life. (There’s a reason my blog title is what it is). I could talk a lot more about that point, but I’ll leave it by saying that when I saw what the game was asking of me it felt like someone had knocked my legs out from under me.

For more practical players, it also is locking you out of chapter select, the best way to go back and get all the things you missed and grab the achievements/trophies you still need.

The game will point out that you’ll get nothing in return for this (not a lie, there’s no secret reward), that you will likely never know if or who you helped, that you won’t be thanked, that the person you help could be someone you intensely dislike, etc. And with all of this comes the realization that all those people who came to help you in the credits had already done this. Those people whose data was sacrificed to help you get to the final cutscene had already sacrificed their save data to help you.

We’ve now gone from a world where everything is meaningless, to a world where other real actual human beings out there have sacrificed something that represented hours of their time and a varying amount of emotional investment without any hope of reward to help a stranger see a message of hope.

When I was younger, I was more drawn to dark, hopeless stories. Stories about how dark and meaningless the world was. The world was a terrible place then too. 9/11 happened when I was in highschool (an incident that influenced yoko taro’s creation of nier replicant and had a huge impact on me at the time), the pointless wars that happened after and the recession and a million other things seemed to infuse everything with hopelessness. In that world, stories about everything being meaningless and hopeless felt correct. They felt validating. Yes, everything really does suck that much!

That sort of story lost its appeal for me later on. Pointless and horrible things continued to happen, and still continue to happen. The world events of the last few years have been an unnerving reliving of those earlier years, except even worse. The cycles of tragedy are still there with no end in sight. I’m exhausted from all of it. It really does feel hopeless a lot.

But stories that stop at that point no longer appeal to me. Stories like nier automata--stories that say yes, things are terrible, but there’s always hope, you can create your own meaning, it is always worth it to fight for better even if you fail, your life is worthwhile simply for existing--those stories are the ones I think we all need more than anything.

[smolfoxbab]

okay here’s the Narumitsu angst (with a happy ending)

its my blog and i get to choose the hyperfixation to post about

((1,830 words //tw for injury + blood// hope u enjoy!))

Phoenix Wright wasn’t the type of person to make enemies. At least, not on his own. His selfless nature and optimistic personality made him a likable man to be around, even if he was often clumsy and oblivious at times. However, being a defense attorney was a different circumstance, one that brought a certain set of unspoken dangers with it. In proving his client’s innocence, the guilty verdict was placed onto another. While most of these people posed no threat behind the bars of their sentences, there was no guarantee a grudge wouldn’t push them to seek vengeance.

Miles Edgeworth had plenty of experience with this concept already. He was a prosecutor-- The Demon Prosecutor. Among the death threats and various other attempts on his life, he was all too aware of the risks that came with his job. But he had learned to shoulder them, right alongside the other burdens he carried. He also knew that Phoenix didn’t consider these things, didn’t consider his own safety as much as he considered others. Concussed, tazed, nearly drowned and beaten to a pulp in an infamously deadly river... none of it seemed to phase him. He never slowed in his pursuit for protecting others, and that... that concerned Miles more than anything.

“You need to be more careful, Wright,” he had said once in passing after a trial where a guilty offender nearly wrung Phoenix by the neck, the defense attorney standing just a little too close when the verdict was handed down.

“One of these days something... serious, might happen to you, and you won’t be able to just laugh it off.”

Phoenix only flashed him that dopey grin and said, “I’ll be fine, Edgeworth. For an unlucky guy, I’m pretty lucky.”

Miles wanted to believe that, truly. The man seemed to get off easy in dire situations more often than not, so perhaps he had a point behind his foolish reasoning. Even so, his worry lingered. Luck always tended to run out at some point.

---

Then one afternoon, his phone rang. He had already been driving towards Phoenix’s office, having been called over earlier on the premise of having an “important discussion.” He’d left as quickly as he could, but the traffic seemed to determined to keep him from reaching his destination. It was slow, and he seemed to be hitting every red light possible. It was at one of these prolonged red lights, as he sat impatiently tapping the steering wheel, that a familiar tune sounded off in his pocket. Sighing, he slipped his phone out and checked the screen, not too surprised to see Phoenix was the one calling. Forgot to tell him something in the first call, most likely. He hit “answer” and brought the device up to his ear.

“What is it, Wright.”

There was a raspy breath on the other end before Phoenix spoke, his voice just as hoarse.

“M-Miles, I... I-I uh...”

Miles’ brow furrowed, and he found himself straightening in his seat, grip tightening on the phone.

“Wright? Is something wrong?”

There was another breath, followed by a rather nasty sounding cough. There was then a sound that could have been a laugh, if it wasn’t so strained.

“Ah... s-something like that... I w-was trying to call... hhhah... I guess it d-doesn’t mmmatter... a-are you almost... here?”

The light turned green, and Miles pressed on the gas. Harder than he should have, perhaps, but he was uneasy now.

“Yes, I am. What is it, Wright? What happened?”

There was a grunting sound, and the rustle of paper. 

“W-well... fffunny story, ah... there was s-ssomeone at the door and it t-turns out it wasn’t... w-wasn’t you and ahm... shit-”

The hiss was sharp and pained. Miles turned a corner a bit too hastily, nearly catching a street sign as he swung around it. Before he could say anything, Phoenix continued.

“I’m not... I’m nnnot doing too hot, Miles... It’s getting... k-kind of hard to... focus...”

Miles clenched his jaw, trying to hold his composure. He was on the final stretch of road, he just had to get there.

“Stay with me, Wright. Stay on the phone. Do you hear me?”

“Yeah...” came the reply, but the strength in it was fading, “yeah... Miles...?”

“I’m here, Wright.”

He turned into the office parking lot as he said that, haphazardly parking and exiting the car in record time.

“.....what I w-wanted to... tell you... I... I love... you.”

Miles’ breath hitched as he ascended the steps. He would’ve have stopped completely if not for the adrenaline fueling his movement. A lump formed in his throat, which he heavily swallowed as he pressed on. Damn it, why now did he- Damn that man. 

“J-Just hold on, Wright. I’m coming up on the door now. Wright? Wright?”

Silence filled the other end of the line as he approached the door, which sat unlocked and ajar. A red smear stained the door handle, while more splashes led across the floor and deeper inside. Miles only hesitated a moment before flinging the door open, rapidly searching the room for the other man. It didn’t take long.

The defense attorney was slumped against a bookshelf near his desk, various papers and books scattered around him, along with his still lit up phone. He wasn’t moving. Miles sucked in a breath as he practically slid to Phoenix’s side, one hand clasping his shoulder while the other went to check his pulse. Thankfully, he could still feel it, though it was weakening.

“Wright? ...Phoenix, can you hear me?”

He tried to get some kind of response, lightly shaking his shoulder, but got nothing. He shifted his gaze downward, where he couldn’t help but spot the dark stain soaking underneath his jacket. He lifted the blue fabric slightly, trying to get some assessment of the damage. It looked too wide a tear to be a gun wound. A stabbing seemed more likely.

“Damn it. Damn you,” Miles cursed under his breath, shucking his jacket off and moving to put pressure on the wound. He set to call the authorities at the same time, his now-shaking hand nearly dropping the phone entirely. He stared at the unconscious man before him as the phone rang, mumbling to himself before the responder picked up,

“If you die, you fool, I’ll... I’ll bring you back and kill you again myself.”

Emergency services responded quickly, and an ambulance was sent with haste. The police force arrived as well, with the ever-diligent Gumshoe heading the charge. Ever-diligent, and ever-emotional, as the detective seemed to blast through one emotion after the next while Phoenix was being prepped for the drive to the hospital. Miles was given the assurance as he boarded the ambulance himself that, no matter what, the culprit wouldn’t get away with it. In the tense silence of the ride that followed, Miles let that statement repeat in his head- let it hold him together. They wouldn’t get away with this. He would see to it personally... Once he was assured that Phoenix was going to make it out of this alive.

---

Several hours of absolutely nerve-wracking waiting in the hospital lobby followed after, but all well worth it when he was informed that Phoenix was in stable condition. That didn’t stop him from nearly throwing the recovery room door off its hinges upon arrival, however. He needed to see it for himself, confirm with his own eyes that the other was alive. 

A tired smile greeted him from the bed.

“Hey Edgeworth...”

Miles stood in the doorway for a moment, silent and stiff. Then, slowly, he drew in a breath, let his shoulders relax, and stepped inside with the door closing behind him.

“Wright.”

Phoenix winced at the tone of Miles’ voice, like a child about to be lectured by his parent.

“Look, before you get m-”

“You are an absolute moron, Phoenix Wright. I mean really of all the idiotic- Not only do you call me as you’re bleeding out, rather than contact the authorities-”

Phoenix attempted to interject.

“To be fair I was actually trying to call the-”

But Miles didn’t let him finish.

“But then you have the gall to go and declare- to tell me that you- in such a dire circumstance you decide to claim-”

“Miles-”

“Not seconds before I walk in on what could have well been a murder scene- And what would I have done then? Knowing you had said such a thing before I could even have a chance to process it let alone-”

“Miles if... if you don’t feel the same I-”

“Reciprocate.”

Both of them fell silent then. Phoenix, slack-jawed and staring straight at Miles while the prosecutor locked his gaze to the floor, feeling the heat begin to burn in his cheeks. Phoenix blinked rapidly, beginning to flush a bit himself despite his currently paler complexion.

“Y-y-you mean you-”

Edgeworth huffed and turned towards him, closing the distance between himself and the bed before closing the distance between the two of them. It was an impulsive kiss, and not the one either of them imagined would be their first, but it was real. Phoenix was real, and still here, returning the kiss like it was the most natural thing in the world. A wince and a hiss broke the moment though, Phoenix pulling back to sink into the mattress he’d started to push off of. Miles pulled back hastily, rubbing at his arm with an awkward clearing of his throat.

“A-apologies, I didn’t mean to-”

“No, no- my fault, really. And look I... I’m sorry for worrying you and... how I said that really wasn’t how I meant to go about it-”

Miles cut him off again before he could start losing himself in his rambling.

“I... I know, Wright. I would be far more concerned if your plan had been to confess to me by having a near death experience.”

Phoenix chuckled nervously and looked elsewhere, giving Miles the chance to take up the seat next to his bedside.

“Yeah that’s... a little far out there... even for me. But Miles, you really...?”

Phoenix looked back with a start as Miles took his hand, his grip cautious but protective. Miles attempted to play it off as if he was exasperated, rather than jumbled mess of feelings he was grappling with. The mess of feelings he had been grappling with for some time.

“Honestly, I would have thought just now made it clear enough, but. If I must say it to convince you. Yes, Phoenix. I... I love you, too.”

There was a pause, far too long yet far too short, before Phoenix smiled. Still tired at the edges, but warm and genuine. 

“Okay then. I’m... I’m really glad to hear it isn’t just... I’m glad.”

Miles couldn’t help but smile faintly himself, gently squeezing the hand in his.

“...As am I. Now... why don’t you tell me how you got into this mess?”

[connordavidscamera]

Living, Learning, and Filming Ch. 2 | Connor Brashier

A/n: This is the rewritten version of this chapter which was originally posted on my Shawn account.

Summary: Days spent together could bring you and Connor closer… or bring someone else closer.

Warnings: is this a little jealous!Connor? 

Word count: 1.7k

***

Week 2

"Have you ever been in love?" Connor asks me.

I shake my head and tap a little at a spot on my nose. "I've been infatuated with a person. But no, never in love."

"Can you see yourself falling in love?"

I purse my lips, thinking it over. "Someday. I think maybe it just isn't the time for me yet. But it would be nice, I think, to find that comfort in someone. That someone that you want to spend every waking moment with."

I cringe at my answer, not because of what it was, but because in my head I can still see his face fall after I said it. He's so sure that I'll fall in love with him, but he's forgotten that this is a game. If one of us falls in love, we lose. But I guess we never discussed what would happen… if we both fell in love.

iMessage from: Hubby ;)

How's the editing going?

iMessage to: Hubby ;)

Think I need a break. Been at it for 3 hrs

iMessage from: Hubby ;)

Was hoping you'd say that

Before I even have the chance to ask what he means, his face appears on my phone. 

"What do you mean you're glad I said that?" I ask immediately after answering his FaceTime call.

"Well hello to you too."

I sigh, "Hi, Connor. Now what did you mean?"

"Come outside."

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm taking you to my place."

"And again I ask, why?"

"Because I want to hang out and Brian isn't home,” he says as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “Thought we could watch a movie or something."

"Connor, I really need to get this editing done. We have that check at the end of the week and -"

"So bring your computer. I can help if you need me to. Just come out, please? I’m bored,” he whines.

“But if I go-”

“If you don’t come down in five minutes I’m going up and getting you myself.”

“You don’t have my code.”

“I have another friend that lives in these dorms, I can have him let me in.”

I groan, “You’re too much. I’m not even ready. I haven’t put makeup on or anything.”

“Yeah, like you need it. Just put some shoes on and get your cute ass down here.”

I roll my eyes, “Whatever. I’ll see you in a minute.” I hang up before he can say something smug, which is likely. 

I slip into my favorite pair of jeans because, sorry Connor, but sweatpants is not an option right now. We’re not close enough for that.

---

“Y/n, look at me real quick,” I hear Connor’s voice from beside me and I sigh, rubbing my tired eyes.

“What?” I dare to glance over at him and he has his camera in front of his face, which causes me to cover mine. “No! Not now,” I whine, turning away from him, but he keeps recording. I try to focus on the overwhelming amount of video clips I have on the screen in front of me, but he’s distracting, annoyingly so. “Connor, I have to work on this.”

“Whatcha working on?”

“Our project, now please. Put that away,” I go to shove the camera away from me, but he catches my hand and laces our fingers. 

“Yeah, I’m working on it too. Gotta get you to fall in love with me somehow right?

I hum in response, feeling my cheeks burning up. His skin is so warm, and surprisingly smooth, I almost don’t want to let go. Almost. “Can I have my hand back, please?”

“Sure,” he lets go, but only after pressing a kiss to the top of my wrist. “Hey,” he says a minute later, camera still in his hand and facing me. 

“Hay is for horses,” I mutter, clicking a few keys on my laptop and watching the playback of the video. 

“What’s it gonna take for you to fall for me?” He asks, ignoring my comment.

“Stop trying so hard,” I admit too quickly. 

“And if I do, do I get to take you on a date?”

“Is this not one?” I smirk, giving him a side glance. The tops of his ears turn red, as do his cheeks, but only slightly. 

“It is if you stop working.”

I can’t help but laugh, “Alright,” I close my laptop and turn my body to face his. “Well?” I rest my arm on the back of the couch, my head leaning against my palm. “If I have to stop working doesn’t that mean you do, too?”

“Okay, okay.” He chuckles, “I can take a hint.”

“No you can’t,” I say jokingly before he turns off the camera. 

“I resent that. I can take hints.”

“Not when it comes to me, Brash.”

“How do you know I’m not just ignoring them?”

“Oh, I know you are. However, that’s not helping your case.”

“Fair enough.” he rests one arm on the back of the couch, his fingers just inches away from my elbow. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“When you said you’d never been in love, it had me thinking.”

“Okay. Should I be scared?”

“Have you ever had a boyfriend before?” He asks it like he needs to know the answer, his eyes so intense, looking into mine the way they are. It’s in this moment that I notice the slight blue that’s incorporated in his pretty green eyes. 

“Umm…” I casually reach for his fingers with my hand that was resting in my lap. “No.”

“Have you ever been close?” He questions, pressing our fingertips together.

“Define close,” I say, only focusing my attention to our hands and the way his skin feels under mine. 

“Have you been kissed?”

“Yes.”

“You've been on a date?”

“If group dates count.”

“Eh,” he tilts his head from side to side. “No, not really.”

“Then no,” I shake my head. “I haven’t.”

“We’re gonna change that,” he says matter of factly.

“Excuse me?”

“One more question.”

“Wait, Connor.” I look up at him and I feel pinned down by his intense stare.

“Why haven’t you ever had a boyfriend?”

I sigh and shrug, “No one’s ever asked to be.”

“They’re goddamn idiots.”

I don’t know what to say to that, so I turn my head, focusing my attention to the movie on the screen, my fingers still playing with his, and he doesn’t move away.

“Y/n?”

“Hmm?” I hum, not bothering to look away from the screen.

“Would you like-?” before he can finish his sentence, the door opens and we quickly separate. Well… I separate.

"Brash, I brought - oh shit. Hi," the redhead says, while the tall curly headed boy behind him closes the door. "You must be y/n," he comes toward us and I stand, - which prompts Connor to do so also - holding my hand out to shake. "I'm Brian, Connor's roommate. And this is Shawn," he announces when we release our hands.

"Hi," I smiled, "I'm y/n. It's a pleasure to meet you both," I say, still shaking Shawn's hand.

"The pleasure is all mine." Shawn says, but he's still not letting go.

Connor clears his throat from beside me and his hand rests on the small of my back, causing my skin to burn under his touch. "Shawn, good to see you. What're you doing here?"

I don't know what compels me to do so, but I sink into Connor's touch, just a little bit, and his arm wraps loosely around my waist. 

Shawn shrugs, "The usual. Got a little studio time, have a show I'm going to." 

Connor nods, "Well make yourself at home. Does anyone want something to drink?" He focuses his eyes on me, "Baby, you want something?"

I know I should tell him not to call me that, but it sounds so good coming from his lips that I just can’t. "I'm okay. Thank you."

---

"It's getting late," I say into Connor's shoulder while we watch Brian and Shawn play FIFA. They both suck at it though and Connor makes sure to tell them every once in a while.

"You want me to take you home?" He looks down at me, and you can tell that his eyes are tired; I'm sure they match mine all the same.

"Please?"

He nods, "I'll go get your stuff from my room," he mumbles just loud enough for the boys to hear.

"You're leaving?" Brian pauses the game while both Connor and I stand up.

"Yeah, I have an eight am tomorrow, so I should get going."

"Be right back," Connor whispers into my ear, his lips touching my skin barely. I almost moan at the contact.

"Hey, y/n, before you go…" Shawn tosses the controller to the side and stands, his long limbs causing him to stumble a bit. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Uh… sure,” I wring my hands together in front of me and nod. 

He walks over to the small kitchen area and leans against the counter. "So, uh… I'm gonna be in town for a few days."

"Okay…" I slip my previously entwined hands into my back pockets.

"And I was wondering, and you don't have to if you're busy or something. But I'd really love to get to know you. And, again, if you're not busy, maybe you'd like to… go on a date? With me."

"Oh." Shawn Mendes is asking me out. He's asking me out and he barely knows me. He's asking me out and -

"There you are," Connor smiles when he sees me, but it quickly falters when he meets eyes with Shawn. "You ready?"

"Yeah, um. Can I meet you in the car? I just want to finish up this conversation?" I'm avoiding his crazy beautiful, green-blue eyes when I speak because I know exactly what my answer will be if I do look into them. 

"Sure hon. Take your time." He brushes my arm with his finger tips before leaving the room.

"There's something going on with you and Connor, isn't there?" Shawn asks after we hear the door close.

"No," I shake my head. "Well… I don't know. It's complicated."

***

I hope you enjoyed! Please like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

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[thesims4blogger]

The Sims 4 Paranormal Stuff: Developer Blog (Part 1)

SimGuruConnor has released part 1 of the Sims 4 Paranormal Developer Blog series.

Hello Simmers! Welcome to a small 2-part Dev Blog about our newest Stuff Pack, Paranormal Stuff! This pack has been an absolute blast to work on, and I’m excited to share what this pack is all about!

I’ll try not to reveal too many spoilers for the pack either, so I’ll keep things somewhat brief. Our topics for today are the new Scared Mood and the Haunted House Lot Type, plus an interview with our Audio Artist too!

Get Scared

Sims can now relish in the mortal dread of the Scared Mood! The Scared Mood affects Sims in a variety of ways, with my personal favorite, the new Scream Incoherently interaction, where a Scared Sim runs up to another Sim to scream their lungs out. This can result in the other Sim calming down the Scared Sim, or resulting in both Sims becoming Scared. This can create a Scared Mood wildfire if you’re not careful!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, it's okay!

Sims afflicted with the Scared Mood also have trouble communicating with others, the urge to panic-run everywhere, and are slightly more prone to accidents. If no other Sims are around to help calm down a Scared Sim, they might just have to Hide Under The Covers for a while.

But if being Scared just isn’t your Sims style, consider purchasing the new Brave Trait. This Satisfaction Reward Store Trait will rapidly reduce the incoming fear a Sim feels and help Sims regain their composure faster. While no Sim is totally fearless, this trait should help mitigate some of those creepy feelings.

The Scared Mood and the Brave Reward Trait are all base game features coming with the Paranormal Stuff patch on January 21st. Tons of previous Uncomfortable Buffs are now becoming Scared Buffs, such as the “Startled By Ghost” Buff or the “Thalassophobia” Buff from Island Living.

While being Scared might not be a common occurrence in your everyday Sims life, living in a Haunted House is a whole different story…

Happy Haunts

Introducing the Haunted House Lot Type!

The Duplantier Dwelling, created by Doctor Ashley! This “canon” Haunted House will be available in the gallery!

They’re like regular houses, only haunted! Although unassuming during the day, at night, these places get super weird. Your Sims may notice things like flickering lights, pipes rattling, or even creepy dolls staring at them in the corner. All are totally normal occurrences in a Haunted House, but it may take some time for your Sims to adjust to their new surroundings.

Sims living in a Haunted House will also be introduced to floating apparitions known as Specters. They’re cute little critters, but their motives aren’t entirely clear. You can try talking to them, or even offer them presents in hopes of establishing a good rapport. If they like you, they’ll drop special loot for you and your family. If they don’t like you, well, you’ve been warned.

o o o (> ‘ u ‘ )>

Learning to get along with your new ghostly inhabitants is crucial in a Haunted House. Things like botching seances, neglecting Specters, or letting accursed objects invade your house will have a negative impact on its spiritual serenity. There is a delicate art to co-existing with the entities of the house, and thankfully you’ll have an expert on the matter to assist you!

Meet Guidry

Claude René Duplantier Guidry was a seasoned Paranormal Investigator in his previous life, but now he exists to help anyone brave enough to live in a Haunted House! You’ll probably run into him eventually living in a Haunted House, but don’t worry, he’s a nice ghost!

Guidry will gladly offer his wisdom to those who seek it. If you’re confused, alarmed, or slightly uncomfortable by your new haunted surroundings, give Guidry a holler and he might be able to help. He can also offer valuable objects to help your Sims, too; all you need is to reach out!

Still got it.

All Guidry wants in return is to crash at your place for the time being. Sounds like a fair deal, right? But if you’d prefer to fly it solo, you can always disable his nightly visits—he won’t be too upset, maybe.

As mentioned before, Guidry was a Paranormal Investigator before his untimely demise. If he sees potential in you, he can certify you with a Paranormal Investigation License, granting access to the Paranormal Investigation Freelancer Gigs. Only those who are qualified enough can join the ranks of Paranormal Investigators, but more on that next time!

Be Brave!

Living in a Haunted House adds a layer of risk and reward for your Sims, and each successful night yields Reward Store Satisfaction Points for everyone in the Household. Specters can also drop treasure that can also be collected, consumed, or sold to an Oddity Collector. So although your Sims might go through a bit of peril, they’ll thankfully be compensated.

One of my favorite pieces of haunted treasure is the new Sacred Candle. Not only do they look cool, but they also help protect Sims from paranormal influences. Place them around your house to make sure Sims are properly shielded!

A properly protected Sim.

Things like Sacred Candles and performing ceremonies at the Séance Table are integral to keeping your Sims happy in a Haunted House. Without using these paranormal tools, the entities of the house might get a little bossy.

And while it might be in your Sims’ best interest to keep the spirits of the house in check, watching things go horribly wrong in a Haunted House can be just as fun too. So whatever works for you!

Like Tiny Homes, this Lot Type can be toggled on or off at any time. So whether you’re a casual thrillseeker who wants to spend a couple of nights in a Haunted House, or a seasoned Paranormal Expert who wants to take on a new challenge, this Lot Type should offer something for you!

Crosspack Stuff!

Pets get to share the fun too! They especially love the accursed objects that show up!

I think they’re gonna get along great.

As mentioned before, a ton of old Buffs from multiple packs are now being converted to the Scared Mood. I think 70 something Moodlets were converted? Honestly, I lost count. Anything that seemed more appropriate for the Scared Mood was transferred over.

Oh, and you might remember an old Lot Trait from City Living called Haunted. For clarity’s sake, it needed a name change, so now it’s the Spooky Lot Trait. It also benefits from being combined with the new Haunted House Lot Type and will have an increased chance of spawning Ghosts at night. So use both for maximum haunted-ness!

Audibly Frightened

Last but not least, I’d love to turn it over to our Audio Artist for this pack, Briana Billups! She did a killer job bringing Haunted Houses to life! Trust me!

Conor: Can you tell us what an Audio Artist does on The Sims 4?

Briana: Big, broad picture: an audio artist decides what everything in The Sims 4 sounds like. We record, create, and edit sounds to the art and animation of the game. Little, very detailed picture: creating the actual sounds is usually one of the smaller aspects of our job. We are meeting with other departments, like design, animation, and VFX, to understand the overall vision of new game features and how we can fit in sonically. We are meeting with each other to make sure all our new content still keeps the very fun and quirky vibe of the Sims. We come up with new tools and implementation where necessary.

Conor: What sort of things go into the creative process for creating audio?

Briana: Every audio artist/sound designer has their own creative process, but I like to make a “sonic mood board” of sorts. I typically like to have a good idea of what I want something to sound like in my head before I record or edit it, so it’s nice to have sound effects or music to refer to that represents my original inspiration or ideas. When I was in college, I would make Spotify playlists for whatever I was working on. I would listen to them once a day, adding and editing as necessary, so when I actually got to work, I was in the right headspace. Now I’m usually less formal about this sort of stuff, but for this pack, I would refer back to things like Vincent Price’s demonic laugh from Thriller or Casper the Friendly Ghost Cartoons and the looping soundtrack from the queue of a horror ride at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk (Ghost Blasters)

Conor: What were you most excited to work on for this pack?

Briana: Definitely all the haunted house sounds! Good sound design is the crux of so many horror movies and video games, so even if we were keeping things more “Casper” and less “Poltergeist,” I still wanted to give a good scare here and there. I actually scared myself one day while playtesting another feature in the game!

Conor: If you had to choose, what is your favorite audio clip you’ve ever added to The Sims 4?

Briana: I would say my favorite SFX were the sports arena loops in EP08: Discover University. When you visit the arena for the soccer/esports match or graduation, you can actually listen to the whole game or ceremony. It was great to craft a whole story from start to finish using just sound. I also snuck in a lot of developer names when writing the scripts for our voice actors.

Thanks, Briana!

More To Come!

That about covers this first foray into the Paranormal Stuff Pack! This pack has been a ton of fun to work on, and watching my Sims flee in terror has been more enjoyable than I’d like to admit.

Next blog, we’ll focus on the Séance Table and developing your Medium skill, as well as the new active freelance career Paranormal Investigator.

Big thanks to the Stuff Pack team for helping this pack come to life, and thank you, Doctor Ashley, for building our featured Haunted House!

Until next time, SimGuruConor

[tavern-aa]

Are You Serious: Tetsurou Kuroo

A/N: Hey there Teddy here! This is my first post on the blog and I'm excited to write for the rooster man. I hope you enjoy and I'd love of possible to get some feedback. I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!!

Rating: T for swearing and mentions of sex, but nothing explicit.

Word Count: 1.4k

X GN! Reader

Funny Prompt 22: “I hope I’m never stuck with you on a deserted island.”

Taking a business course as an elective was not something you thought you would do at the beginning of the semester as a liberal arts major. Yet here you were, sitting in one of the drafty old buildings on the west side of campus silently cursing your advisor for talking you into this. It was fine for all of six minutes until you found there was a fundamental problem with your class.

Your seatmate was a fucking asshole.

The guy was fine when he first walked in. You had just sat down and got situated in your seat when your attention was caught by the opening of the classroom door. He was tall and had a unruly head of black hair. His eyes seemed to be naturally dazed which seemed to fit with his overall disheveled sexy aesthetic. General consensus: 10/10 would smash.

Your chances of hopefully getting a taste of that sexy mess rises when he started making his way towards the empty seat to your right. You turned your head in hopes he wouldn't notice you checking him out. You thought you had lucked out when took the seat and slouched forward to rest his head on his arm. His eyes trailed the room lazily before stopping on you. You felt yourself unconsciously straighten your back under his sharp hazel eyes. He kept his gaze trained on you for a moment longer before speaking.

"Hey, you mind telling me which class this."

The request confused you, "um, this is practical business with Professor Honda. Why do you ask?" 

He hummed for a moment, "no real reason I just wanted to make sure you were in the right class." 

You furrowed your brow cautiously. "And what exactly do you mean by that?" 

The mystery guy only shrugged as a condescending look overtook his face, "nothing really, you just don't look like someone who would be taking a class like this."

Suddenly this guy became less of a hunk...

Your face took on a harsh scowl at his words. What the hell did he mean by that?

 "A class like this?" You prompted, making sure he could hear the edge in your voice.

 "You know" he started, "a class that requires practical thinking rather than just relying on feelings." 

He looked you up and down seeming to be taking you in, "you're an art student right?" 

“Yeah so what?”

“Well it’s no secret that you artist aren’t the most logical bunch, so I think it’s pretty safe to assume you all don’t take classes with higher critical thinking.” 

The jerk then had the audacity to flutter his eyelashes in a faux innocent manner, “aren’t you going to ask how I knew you were an art major?” 

You honestly didn’t care at this point you just wanted to punch the guy. 

“Not really,” you started. “But you seem like the kind of prick who would tell me anyway.”

The prick’s grin stretched further, honestly making him look like an attractive Grinch. 

“Well at least I know you catch on quick. Your look is what gave you away, that whole alternative artsy look is pretty standard for your type.”

You were pretty sure your eye was starting to twitch at this point. Who did this guy think he is? You sighed a bit as you watched your professor walk into the class and began to set up. Not wanting him to have the last word, you leaned your body closer to him and lowered your voice so as not to draw attention.

 “I know I’m just an emotional art student, but I can positively infer that I’m going to kick your ass if you keep talking shit.” 

You straightened up as Professor Honda started to the lecture, making sure to school your face so as not to react to the jerk’s shocked expression.

-

-

-

-

-

Things only seemed to spiral from then on. You found out that first day that you obnoxious seatmate’s name was Kuroo and he was a business major in the same year as you. You also learned he was just as petty as he was blunt, seeing as how he continued to sit next to you in class and went out of his way to goad you. Whether it be asking about your latest project in a condescending way or commenting on how your outfit that day fit your “aesthetic” as he put it. 

Your rivalry didn’t only reside in your conversation but it also started stretching into your academics. You two were well known in class for trying to out do each other during discussions and tests. Your professor didn’t seem to mind, rather they found the whole situation amusing. So amusing in fact they decided they wanted to up the ante on the class drama. By deciding to pair you two for your end of the semester project. You know, because that’s always fun.

The project itself was actually interesting, you and your partner had to make a presentation on a specific scenario. What would you bring on a deserted island, so as to thrive rather than survive. So instead of the usual practical items like water or a weapon you and your partner had free range to create a scenario where your items help you thrive in a business sense. 

You were excited about the whole thing, if only it didn’t imply that you would have to see Kuroo outside of this class. The two of you had decided to work at your place because despite how much you didn’t want him in your place you knew you didn’t want to be seen with him around campus. So the Saturday after the project was assigned found you and Kuroo hunkered in your apartment begrudgingly working.

“So...”

You looked up from your paper to look at Kuroo who was seated across from you on your living room floor.

 “So what?” 

Kuroo lifted one of his eyebrows, “so, what are you going to bring to your island?” 

“What are you going to bring to yours?” 

The dark haired man sighed at your usual defensiveness.

 “Well if you must know I would bring a box of condoms.”

“Excuse me?”

Kuroo smirked at you, “you heard me.” 

You glared back at him, “why the hell would you bring a box of condoms to a deserted island?” 

Kuroo began to twirl his unused pen in his hand, “because the next thing I would bring with me is you” he all but purred.

You flinched back in shock but became irritated at the familiar feeling of heat under your skin.

“What are you getting at?” 

“I’m not trying to get at anything, I would have thought that my intentions were clear.”

You scrunched your face up at his cocky tone, “no your intentions were clear in I’m just trying to find out your angle.”

 Kuroo leaned his body closer towards you.

 “You don’t need to worry your little head about my angle just so as long as I can see you in a few...” he trailed off, racking his gaze up and down your body.

“Is this really your convoluted way of propositioning me?”

“Yep”

You were silent for a moment taking the time to observe Kuroo. He looked his usual messy but attractive self, but his eyes held a certain vulnerability you don’t remember ever seeing. 

“Are you serious?”

You watched closely as Kuroo lightly scratched the back of his neck.

 “Well, I am hoping for a bit more romance involved but yeah.” He took one of his large calloused hands in yours, “I’m asking you out baby, so what do you say?”

Now for the record you usually regarded yourself as a normally logical person. You were smart and you were clever, but looking at Kuroo in that moment brought back all the feelings you constantly shoved down. And that damn pet name, it wasn’t even original but it still left your heart racing and your palms sweaty. 

“I’d say, I hope I’m never stuck with you on a deserted island” you said. “But I guess I can see past your weird fantasies for now, sure I’ll go out with you.” 

Kuroo’s face broke out into a soft smile but before he could say anything you spoke again.

“But if you talk shit about my major ever again, I WILL kick your ass.”

[the-guy-in-the-chair]

My (rambling) bio

I figured I should introduce myself on this blog, especially since I dumped such a big post earlier as a basic nobody. This is copy/pasted from the “bio” tab at the top of my blog, so this info is always available, if you ever need to get reacquainted, or if you happen to point a new friend in my direction. This might be hard to follow, a little bumpy, TMI, yet secretive. I apologize in advance. But, here I am. I say “hello.” And I give you my story:

————————

Call me Laur. It’s not what I go by in real life, but it’s part of my real name, and it’s been my online identity for a long time now.

Male.  He/ him.

Twenty-something.  I look like I belong in that nebulously 18-30ish age group.  College-ish.  I’m small, like 5’4”, 120ish when I’m healthy.  Skinny-built.  Short dark hair.  Cool shoes.  I get ID’d a lot.  Or I would, if I ever went out.  Also sort of socially/emotionally young for my chronological age, but that comes with the territory with my need, I guess. (You’ll put it all together as you read on.)

When I do go out, sometimes I’m on my feet.  I’ve got maybe a decent football field in me.  Stairs and I currently don agree.  I’m on full-time fluids and feeds, so I’m in a backpack with tube tails wherever we go.  If it’s a lengthy distance, I use a manual wheelchair, which I count on DD to drive for me. (I’m horrible at operating my current set of wheels, and I’m awaiting a call to set up an eval for something different.)

Queer.  Ace.  In a committed relationship with an amazing partner (call her DD). Home-share situation. We have some kids. We have some roommates. We operate like a village/extended or found family.  We’re certified and background checked.  No weird shit, except in the litter box. (And I guess four people’s worth of tubes/ motility variants as well.  But anyway…)

Autistic, classically, high-functioning.  Trouble with tone and emotional management and social skills, but I have some.  Trouble holding a job, but again, I’ve had some.  I followed that normal progression of babysitting/odd jobs to retail to a desk job that used my degree, along with a brief side gig as a small scale professional athlete/ sponsored fitness model (I know, right?  Take the chances as they come; they may never come again.)  This is all before my physical health deteriorated to the point of me becoming chronically ill.

Mental health challenges: depression and anxiety, which have been present since childhood.  Trouble sleeping and sleepwalking as well. Some weird sensory aversions and OCD-ish habits, though nothing overwhelmingly hard to handle. BPII arrived in my early 20s and completely disrupted my life. I’ve experienced severe panic attacks.  I‘ve experienced trauma and some abuse that has left me pretty scarred.  Some is hard to talk about, and I probably won’t bring it up.  Some is related to how I was raised (super conservative right-wing military family, only child, strict behavioral and academic expectations), and some comes from events and people that have added  up to specific aversions and needs (like, I’m not so shy about explaining this one: I’m very uncomfortable and kind of frightened of 24-hour answering services, such as hotlines, front desk-type concierge, and even personally-recorded voicemail lines).

Physical health… basically crashed and burned when I was about 26.  There were some random odd signs of things being off (like week-long episodes of bad constipation when I was around 22, and even some irregularities in how I had grown when I was a toddler), but I was a generally health, albeit petite adult when all of a sudden my digestive system up and quit working. I lost a ton of weight, became a walking skeleton, could keep food down, couldn’t use the toilet, etc.  Was hospitalized, had an NJ placed, and eventually had a permanent J tube placed. Testing (SmartPill and Gastric Emptying Scan and Sitz Markers all confirmed complete gastroparesis with atrophied stomach, some movement in small intestine, and absolutely nothing in the colon—seriously, the markers either got lost at the top of the colon or the batteries died in a period of nine days after the final images were collected from the studies) confirmed the original diagnosis, and we started the (still continuing) wild goose chase to find some kind of genetic or autoimmune marker to explain what is going on.

After the J, I still had a lot of gastric distress, especially constipation.  I ended up having a full colectomy in December of 2020.  I had a ton of severe complications, including a huge ilius that kept me in hospital for 12 days post-op (we were expecting something more like 4).  I was on oxygen for freaking ever, and they kept putting the G drain down my throat, then upping my J feed rate, then taking the G out, then I’d have vomiting episodes, then they’d put the G back in… They discharged me on TPN, and it took a full 8 months before I was fully weaned back to just formula feeds (and I have severe food allergies so there is a single peptide formula on the market that’s suitable to go into my body).  I had to have a G tube placed as well to release air/pressure and gastric secretions so I can feed appropriately and have the formula absorb in the jejunum instead of sitting around and making me nauseated.  With my stomach drained, I can even clamp my tube briefly and take oral meds as needed. Eat applesauce in 3-oz portions.  Blue popsicles. It’s kinda cool, to, like taste things. It all drains out of my stomach, so it doesn’t make me sick or anything.  Just have to empty the Ferral at the end of the day.

Even AFTER all that, I was still having trouble maintaining a minimum standard of health.  I couldn’t stand up for a long time. Sit up for a long time.  Get up quickly to tend a crying baby. I would pass out. I couldn’t maintain my blood pressure. Blood oxygen level was iffy sometimes. We suspected POTS, and I was tested, and I was so close to meeting criteria for diagnosis, but even with my BP dipping into the 40s on the tilt table, I wouldn’t lose consciousness.  No dice. So we did the next best thing, and kept me on IV fluids.  One liter of normal saline and  one liter of D5 half normal, every night, delivered through a Y port and a PICC line in my right bicep.  Home health care came to change the dressing weekly, and labs (BMP, sometimes with a bonus vial or two) were drawn on the same timetable at the local lab infusion center.  It was fine for a while, but then insurance quit cover home health. We and surgeon agreed this was becoming a long- term thing (instead of just a post-surgery stabilization thing, since we were now doing the fluids as a daily treatment for blood pressure and my pseudo POTS), and we transferred the prescriptions to my primary care doc, along with another shout to cards for a second opinion.

After a bit of finagling, we set a date to place a port, for it was clear that even without POTS, I needed a permanent central line for fluids daily access.  After that was established, we went to caring for the site and dressings at home. (DD is very capable, and I am very comfortable with her expertise.) The lab infusion center still pulls my weekly BMP, and I’m now on a regiment of regular infusions of iron (severe anemia, low iron, low energy), IVIG (immunodeficiency, low energy, low counts), and a new-to-the-market high-dose migraine medication (for a lifetime severe headache and migraine disorder that’s pretty much unresponsive to all other treatments besides sedation. In a pre-op unit.  Under the care of an anesthesiologist.  I kid you not.  I was the first and only patient the hospital has ever treated using that technique, and and the Neurology resident and attending had to sign off on it, as well as the anesthesiology attending. Chief anesthesiologist? I’m not quite sure of the best terminology, but the guy in charge did the procedure, and many, many penguins in white coats and hair nets holding breathing machines stood by.  Anyway.  It worked.  I have been inpatient with severe headaches since then, in the same hospital— though in a different building— and nobody has dared to try it again.) We have a bear of a time getting folks to reconcile my medical record with my port listed as a device for DAILY prescription fluid delivery, instead of weekly or monthly infusion medication delivery (which, technically it is, but then people seem to think you can clamp it or flush it or deaccess it or be all rough with it and it’ll be fine until it’s needed next week or month or whatever, which isn’t true.)  My port is also very little (because I’m kind of little)— it’s a 22 gauge needle 0.75 inch length power port, which is kind of below the usual standard.  I can take a 1 inch, though it really sticks out, and I definitely need a biopatch to pad it.  In order to care for it properly, you have to baby it.  Treat it gently, like a pediatric port (which, it basically is; they place this same port in kids).  I’ve had a lot of nurses try to do an immediate hard draw with an empty syringe, just pulling on it like some kind of of rabid vampire bat.  You have to do half a flush, then get flash in the line, then switch syringes to get waste, then start the draw… I don’t know why I’m telling you this.  I mean, you guys know this   My roommate with a 6- week CNA who’s never stepped foot in a basic bio lab knows this.  It’s assault. It really is. It contributes to the failure of people’s equipment, and for people with difficulty in social situation, such as challenging authority, or being assertive without becoming aggressive, or controlling a crying tendency…it’s really hard to speak up and defend your rights to fair and proper healthcare.  And right now, in the pandemic, where many places are limiting spaces to only two people, or only patient and practitioner, or only patient and aid (or no aid, if the patient is over 18 and/ or deemed otherwise “too able” or “already too aided” to need assistance, usually as visually and arbitrarily assessed  by someone like a receptionist, who has little to no training or baseline standard as to what constitutes said need for assistance, such as but not limited to: the fact that the person has a hearing aid, the office/ chair is not “that far” from the entrance, the person is wearing glasses, the person doesn’t have a visible mobility device, the person was seen driving the car, the person was speaking without an impediment… I could go on all day.

I have rather frequently not been allowed to take DD with me into places where I do need assistance, on the grounds of such very real examples as:

I am not profoundly deaf and therefore not lost and disoriented in my pre-op bay, so my hard-of-hearing self better just hand my aids over to the nurse collecting the rest of mt personal belongings and squint at the person reviewing my chart, mispronouncing the names of all my meds, and trying to illicit all other kinds of personal information whilst someone else is coming at me with  20G needle to start a completely unnecessary high-flow IV (hello, port, look up approximately 10 inches. Or mind the chart.)

The “treatment area” can only contain two people.  Said treatment area contains a patient’s chair and a rolling table.  Yes, there is a print-out taped to the wall stating a maximum occupancy of two people.  However, the privacy curtain for the treatment bay (this is at an infusion center, mind you, not a place where people actually get undressed) does not have to be closed.  Nor does it have to be closed all the way in order to create privacy, or the general format of a defined exam room-like space.  The bays are positioned directly off an open office area, where 10 or more desks with computers face inward in a large U-shape.  Anyone who walks in and is taken back to a bay can see what every receptionist and nurse and CNA is doing— charting, patient info, web browsing, DoorDash, corporate training, I’ve quite literally seen it all.  But, what I’m trying to point out is that if they’re worried about privacy or germ spreading, like by having other people too close to the patient/practitioner area, it’s a moot point.  People’s aids could come back with them and stand at a respectable distance, even outside the drawn privacy curtain, and they wouldn’t really be breaking any of their own rules.  And, not to be picky, but the other infusion pharmacy (which is kind of more upscale, and actually has more regs and stuff) allows aids without much issue.  I know rules vary, but, come on.

The practitioner is not comfortable with DD being in the room, and she refuses point blank to do the procedure (in this case, an upper body ultrasound associated with a blood infection— just a cursory check for clots or pockets of goo or anything strange).  I‘d had another ultrasound just the day before with a different technician (on my chest area; today’s procedure was meant to be a continuation of that), and that person hadn’t had any problems with DD accompanying me.  We tried telling her that, and she was still like, no way. She was kind of aggressive about it, too.  Defensive.  She said she would cancel the procedure.  Eventually we got her to ask if another technician was available.  I don’t know if she actually did or not, but she said there wasn’t, and eventually it came down to have it now, alone, or mess up your care schedule and discharge plan (at this point we were trying to get out in time to make it to a very important outpatient appointment). So I had it alone.  Against my patient rights.  It was not ok.

I could go on with this section, but I’m sure you’ve gotten the idea by now.  I’ll move along.

Some other relevant information regarding challenges/medical:

I’m hearing impaired, as I’ve already said (mild/moderate).  I’m completely aided.  Discovered it in my mid 20s when I was working in an office and doing a lot of boardroom, a lot of notes, scribing for people, and it was like, wow, I’m not catching stuff.  DD is deaf as well and she has helped me get really good care.

Very mild visual impairment; I wear glasses and contacts, and I have high risk of detached cornea and early glaucoma.  Also have strange vision disturbances due to neurological activity. All of it is reported to specialists, though, and properly cared for.

I don’t drive, and at the moment I don’t think I can.  I have driven before, independently, but with my physical impairments and anxiety, it’s just not safe anymore.  There was an instance where I lost consciousness while driving on a highway, vision whiting out, hearing buzzing out, pressure in my ears, body tipping sideway, the whole shebang— I miraculously just ended up coasting forward and staying in my lane, just decelerating a bit for some unknown amount of time until I came to and was able to pull over.  I’ve also had Shroedinger’s epilepsey diagnosis for a while; migraines or seizures? Visual disturbance or aura? EKG is worthless, and we keep missing the tipping point for meds (too sedating, or not enough to be helpful).  But, all in all, no driving.  Not safe.

Reactive arthritis. I’ve had it after getting vaccines.  I lose a lot of mobility in my “big” joints— knees, mostly, but also ankles, elbows, and wrists.  I have some pretty awesome bracing contraptions and compression garments, but there’s no way to get away from the pain of the flairs.

Fatigue issues (related to an on and off ability to hold healthy H & H, protein, iron, white count, platelets, etc., as well as slow healing from surgeries and acute illnesses, rapid changes in blood sugar and blood pressure due to feeds/fluids/meds, and probably a thousand other things.)  Sometimes I can pick up my 30-ish pound preschooler, but often I can’t.  The stairs are my nemesis, and I try to avoid venturing up and down more than one or two times a day.  Breathlessness, sleepiness, shakiness, lack of motivation and drive, they all happen.  Frequently.  Simultaneously. As recently as November 2021, I was able to take the adult advanced class at my kiddo’s ballet school. I think I‘ve popped in once so far in 2022? Sometimes I am very well.  But sometimes (a lot of the time) I’m really not.

Severe headache and migraine disorder, as I’ve already mentioned.  I’m going to be upfront about this, and I want you to understand, but I also have no patience in this field. I’m not playing games here. I’m talking about 10+ level pain.  For days.  No relief.  I have been hospitalized for it.  I have actually sustained a traumatic brain injury after receiving a dangerous combination of medications that an inept doctor ordered in an attempt to treat a static migraine. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want “have you tried…?”  Believe me, I’ve had it all.  OTC, Rx, oral, sublingual disintegrating, injectable, IV.  Standard “cocktails,” specialty drugs, new stuff, old stuff dinosaurs probably chewed on.  As I’ve already talked about, I had the one anesthesia procedure (it was actually two anesthesias, back to back) that made a difference, and that was a really big deal in terms of accountability/cutting edge science, all that stuff. I’ve had a preliminary appointment with a neurologist who is a pain specialist, and his staff has had an argument with my insurance to get me in for a temporary nerve block (lidocaine injections in the occipital nerves along the back of the skull). I’m going to have that soon (end of Feb 2022).  If that’s successful in preventing or dulling headaches, he can do a permanent version where certain nerves are cauterized (under anesthesia) to keep the pain down. This specialist, as well as my current neurologist, and one neurology resident I met while inpatient, are quite literally the only medical professionals who have ever shown a lick of care with regard to my headaches.  I know nobody cares. I know nothing helps. Don’t pretend. Just don’t. If you have headache issues, I’m actually really open to talk shop.  But I’m going to be honest. And the stuff out there… the care out there… it’s kind if slim pickings.

I’ve had a lot of surgeries.  Some of them I’ve already mentioned, and some I’m not so ready to open up about.  Scars are a thing. Places with no feeling.  Places with way overactive nerve stuff, like tingling and pain and touch aversion.

Food allergies, some severe.  Some odd.  Like soy. And oats, for instance. And they’re sneaking into everything, especially with the push to get whole grains into kids’ food. (They changed the recipe of FrootLoops.  They contain oat flour now.  And, just for kicks, couscous manufactured in the United States? Contains soy protein isolate. Couscous manufactured in Israel, though.  Wheat flour and water.  All kosher, baby.)

Sensory aversions, also, like I’ve said. Most of them minor (like, I really like popsicle, and they tend to agree with my current digestive setup. Bomb pops used to be made differently, and they were softer to bite into, even right out of the freeze.  Now they’re, like, crystalline ice, super solid, will shatter between your teeth. I hate it.), but sometimes stuff is… a bit not good.  I am absolutely repellent to toothpaste, which makes me shy about toothbrushes, which makes me weird about stuff (disregarding food items) going in my mouth. Oral hygiene is… challenging.  I’m kind of embarrassed about it.  So I’m going to drop it now.

Real quick, relevant other embarrassing thing— post-colectomy anatomical shifty stuff happened, and incontinence, it’s a thing.  Caths are great; I’m foley’d overnight and often during the day.  Otherwise, other supplies are used to keep everything tidy. We’re looking into a more permanent solution, like a superpubic cath, but no hard plans are set.

Switching to a more positive note, what do I do? Well, a lot of things.

You already know my background.  Right now, I’m kind of between jobs; DD and I are looking into getting me on a waiver with her as my caretaker, so, if things go well, by the end if the year (maybe??) we could both get some income from the state/the insurance.  My physical limitations severely restrict what I can do, as does my fatigue.  DD is caregiver in chief not only for me, but for the household in general.  I help her as much as I can, but it never feels like enough.

I do kitchen chemistry (preparing tube feeds for me and and our 3 tube-fed littles), and I oversee my own medications, which is a job all its own (15ish daily meds and about 5 PRNs?  It’s a lot, but I have a great lockbox and stackable pill keeper.  We also have a hospital-grade Silent Knight (pill crusher), so pretty much any non-ER tablet or capsule can be made into a J tube med delivered via syringe.

On the more professional side of things, I’m a freelance writer and artist.  I have experience as a technical writer, but I’m currently into fiction. I have a published novel (My professional press blog is @llcupp-author, if you want to check that out.)  I also have stuff published on Kindle Vella, Amazon’s short story platform.  I have tons of material in-work, but life has very majorly gotten in the way, and I haven’t put anything through the editing and publishing process recently. I also teach art, and I’m working on a continuing ed cert in art therapy.

I’m Daddy to one hamster (hopefully two, soon).  Caregiving adult, pseudo-parental figure to 3 great littles.  Fan of jamming at rock concerts with the love of my life (we’ve seen Bad Wolves 3 times, Three Days Grace 2 times —both accidentally, FFDP, Greta Van Fleet, Blue October, Dashboard Confessional, Breaking Benjamin… and we have a pretty good tour planned for this year.). But on the daily, we live a mostly private life.  I blog.  We go to appointments. We play with kids. Tidy.  Make messes again. Stay up late working on projects. Go to bed early because of The Tired.

So.  That’s it. Stick around; hear me chatter.  I like to release my feelings into words out into the great wide internet. Join me if you’d like?  The road is open.  I have accessible parking.  All are welcome here.