#also I can’t find the mute button for these features as I’ve been told

[kabukiaku]

Day 3 of the new tumblr update: it’s still terrible

[thefanficmonster]

What's It To You?

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: To some people, relationship labels aren’t important. To some they aren’t important only in theory. Well, Y/N finds out she falls in the later category, leading to a falling out with her boyfriend Corpse.

Requested by Anon. You’ll know who you are when you read the fic 😉 Thank you for the ‘angsty argument’ request. I hope I captured what you had in mind and I hope you enjoy the read. Love, Vy 🥰

The time is nearing 7PM and Corpse has barely eaten anything. I always keep track of his meals and time spent in front of a computer screen, making sure he doesn’t spend too much time exhausting his eyes or starving himself. He never notices he’s hungry until he takes a bite of something and his appetite grows in  matter of seconds. The real battle is to get him to take that first bite.

I get up from the couch, walking into the kitchen. I open the fridge, scanning its contents for any ideas that might pop into my head for dinner. When nothing comes to mind, I resort to my last option - asking him. There’s only a slight chance he’ll be of any help. He’ll most likely say he’s not hungry or that he’ll make himself something late. He never does. I’ve gotten used to him being a man-child when it comes to eating. In the eleven months that we’ve been dating, I’ve force fed him more times than he has eaten on his own terms.

I go upstairs, stopping outside the door to his recording room to see if he’s talking to someone so I don’t walk in and interrupt. When no noises come from the inside I knock. 

“Come in.“ 

Upon opening the door, I’m met with Corpse nonchalantly sitting in his desk chair, leaning as back as he can without tipping over. Arms folded behind his head, legs stretched out in front of him. The whole nine yards, suggesting that he not streaming.

“Hey.“ He greets me as he turns his chair a bit in an attempt to face me

“Hey, what’d you like for dinner?“ He opens his mouth to reply the millisecond after I have spoken my question. I already know what that reply will be so I hurry to prevent it, “And no, ‘later’ and ‘I’m not hungry’ aren’t on the menu.“

He sighs, shaking his head as though he’s disappointed that I caught onto his game. The smile that slowly makes its way to his lips, however, suggests that he appreciates my concern. “Grilled cheese sandwiches? I mean, if you feel like it.”

I smile, relieved that the usual convincing portion of our interaction on this specific matter has been avoided. “Ok. Be down in fifteen then.” I give him a nod before heading back out into the hallway.

Before I am able to close the door, I hear someone else’s voice come from behind me. “Hey Corpse, was that on your end?”

Oh shit, he wasn’t muted

“Yeah man, sorry. Accidentally unmuted myself.“ Corpse sounds unbothered by this, but I am a little uneasy now.

Corpse and I have agreed to keep our relationship by a ‘won’t ask, won’t tell’ rule - if someone asks him if he’s in a relationship, he won’t lie and say no, but we haven’t gone public nor do we plan on doing so without someone asking us about it head-on. Well, not us. Him. His friends don’t know me and neither do his fans. I’m not in the same industry. I don’t stream nor film YouTube videos. The most I do for that platform is help Corpse with some editing when he needs to have a rest. So, if anyone were to reveal our relationship, it’d be him.

“Oooh, who was that?“ A girl’s voice asks teasingly. “Corpse, what are you not telling us?“

By this point, I’m out in the hall but I left my ears in the room. I know I’m not in the right here - eavesdropping is most definitely not nice, but I can’t help myself.

I hear him chuckle, “Nah, it’s just my friend Y/N.”

My heart drops so suddenly for a reason beyond my understanding. I feel like a kid feels when it’s told Santa isn’t real - I can’t believe what I heard. 

I hurry to get back downstairs as soon as possible and also as quietly as I can. It’s tough, running with a pit in your stomach and a knot of I’m pretty sure is tears in your throat. When I’m finally in the kitchen, the aforementioned tears are blurring my vision. I try to blink them away but accidentally send one of them trickling down my cheek.

I’m aware this might be an overreaction and if I stopped to think I could probably find ways to justify what Corpse said. But I’m genuinely hurt, and I hate that I am.

I’ve never cared about what others know about me or think of me. Same goes for my relationships. I don’t put labels on things nor on my connection to people. I am surprised and disturbed by how much the label ‘friends’ bothers me. We’ve been dating for almost a year now, you’d think calling me his girlfriend would be second nature. Guess not.

I swallow the hurt and surprise, deciding to keep myself busy with the preparations for the dinner I was planning to make. However, keeping my hands full and giving my eyes a place to look doesn’t stop my thoughts from eating away at me. 

                                                             * * *

Twenty minutes later the sound of a door opening echoes from upstairs, followed by the sound of footsteps going through the hallway and then down the stairs. 

“It smells so good in here.“ He comments, his eyebrows raising when he takes in the freshly made sandwiches on the kitchen island. “You’re the best, Y/N.“

“Hmm, aren’t you lucky you have a friend who knows their way around the kitchen, huh?“ I reply sharply, not even sparing him a glance.

In the twenty minutes I was left alone with my wilding thoughts I declared that I wouldn’t beat around bush when he comes downstairs. That I would address the issue and tell him exactly how I feel about it. What I didn’t plan was being so harsh. I actually barely contain a wince when I realize how sharp of an edge my words had.

I feel ten times more guilty when I see the regret that flashes on his face, “You heard that.” He grips the edges of the table, leaning down and letting out a sigh, “I’m sorry, I panicked.”

The anger in me evaporates, leaving room for the hurt to keep spreading and take over me. I was never really angry with him, I’m just upset by the fact that his immediate reaction wasn’t to refer to me as his girlfriend. 

“Why would you panic? What’s it to you if they know?“ My voice is barely above a whisper now, the tears I’m fighting back are clogging my throat, not allowing me to sound as clearly as I’d like.

“What’s it to you? I thought you didn’t care.“ He argues back, his gaze travelling from the tabletop to my eyes. I see the guilt in all his features and his body language.

“I thought so too.“ I shake my head, “But hearing you call me a ‘friend’...’just a friend’ stings. I don’t even know why, but it does. It feels almost like you are embarrassed of me. If that’s the case you can just tell me, you know?“

In a blink of an eye he’s crouched down in front of me, one hand holding both of mine while the other cups my cheek. “It’s not. It has never been and it will never be the case. You are one amazing person, Y/N. You deserve the world, not to be stuck with me. I’m just...” He trails off, his eyes not able to focus on mine any longer, “I’m scared of how people knowing about us will affect our relationship.”

My blood starts boiling again. I know I need to get away from him before I reach the point of saying something that’ll hurt him, so I untangle my hands from his grasp, pulling away from him. “Weak excuse, Corpse. You know it will change nothing except make me feel more included in your life. I will no longer feel like I’m a house rat no one knows about.” I stand up, unable to look at him, and start heading for the staircase. 

“Y/N, please! ”I stop dead in my tracks when he calls out my name, his footsteps following behind me. “Don’t be...-”

I turn around, cutting him off in the process, “I need to be alone right now.” I tilt my head in the direction of the dining table, “Sit down and eat dinner. We’ll talk...later.”

                                                             * * *

Now that it’s been almost twelve hours with no contact between us I realize that my reaction was justified only to a certain extent. I understand his concerns and I could’ve expressed mine a little more calmly and in a lot less accusatory manner. But what happened happened and all I can do now is go over to him and apologize, establish a proper communication to resolve the issue that I so stupidly blew out of proportion.

My phone died sometime during the night and has been sitting on the charger but still turned off for a while. I go over to it and press-hold the start button. While it’s powering up I start changing my from my pajamas into my regular clothes, noticing a small stain on my shirt in the process. As I’m examining the stain, my phone starts going crazy with notifications, causing me to jump and drop my shirt.

“Fucking hell.” I mumble, disconnecting my phone from the charger and looking at the huge list of notifications on my lock screen. They are all alerts of new followers, likes and tags, non from people I know. Non except one.

@ corpse_husband tagged you in a post 

Wait what?

I tap the notification which leads me to a picture Corpse posted two hours ago. It’s a picture of me taken in the living room without my knowledge. I’m an oversized sweater and yoga pants, my hair in a messy braid and my attention caught by the book in my hands. My glasses have slipped a bit down my nose, suggesting that I’m too concentrated on the contents of the pages in front of me that I haven’t noticed.

We started off as friends but it didn’t take long for her to become my best friend. And then she stole my heart. I know you’ll read this eventually, Y/N. So...hi. Love you. 

PS - the sandwiches were bomb 🖤

I’m more than caught off guard. Like a surprise hug from behind, warmth spreading all throughout my body. 

Without a second of hesitation I put my phone down and run to the bedroom door. However, I don’t make it very far considering I nearly run straight into Corpse’s chest as I exit the room. He catches me before I knock him straight to the ground, thankfully.

“Aren’t you a rocket this morning. Where are you headed?“ He chuckles, holding onto my upper arms.

One look at his smile, a single word out of his mouth and I’m melting. I walk straight into him, wrapping my arms around his torso, hiding my face in his chest. He comfortably rests his chin on the top of my head, not asking any further questions until I finally answer.

“Right here. I was heading for you.“ I whisper before I pull away enough to be able to look him in the eyes. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I was being childish and overdramatic and I’m sorry about all I said. I was really upset.“

“It’s ok, baby. I’m sorry for making you upset in the first place. I understand now how much it means to you.“ He caresses my cheekbone with the back of his hand. “I...um...tried to make things right by...“

I push up on my toes, pressing my lips against his, putting an end to his timid stuttering. “I saw it.” I mumble in the kiss.

“Did you like it?“ 

“I loved it.“

“Did you read the comments?“

My heart skips a beat when I hear that dreaded term. Just the thought of reading through the comments terrifies me. I tell myself that some strangers’ words aren’t gonna have an impact on me, but I know they will. Especially since these ‘strangers’ mean so much to Corpse.

I shake my head. He pulls away, taking my hand and leading me towards the living room. “You have to. You’re gonna love them.”

I reluctantly follow him, plopping down on the couch next to him as he pulls out his phone and scrolls through the comment section of the picture he posted. He was right. All these people have said such things about me and about our relationship. Some verified names are also there, sharing their support much like the fans. 

“See, this is why I was nervous. I’ll have to do duels for your attention now.“ He glances at me, leaning in and kissing my temple as he sometimes does so impulsively.

“You don’t do duels when you are already sitting at the throne. Right next to me.“ I once again capture his lips with mine, tempted to never pull away, but also tempted to keep reading the comments.

Damn, he might be right about the duels.

He takes his phone from me setting it aside as he slowly lifts me and settles me in his lap, never letting our lips detach.

Nevermind. Fuck the duels

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze

[hyunjilicious]

that night [harry styles]

A best friends to something else type of story. Exactly 7.8k (literally 7800 words which is scary) and you know I can’t write that much without SMUT. This takes place during a sleepover at the end of quarantine! Maybe tell me what you thought? :) (I promise I’ll edit this soon!)

-

“Show me yer phone, love” Harry groaned, sending you the coldest of death stares. The night started off as usual, you two just watching some old documentaries, paying more or less attention to them as you mostly just sat and talked. Things took a turn when your phone started blowing up with messages. Being the kind of person who always replies in an instant, suspicions arose when you decided to completely ignore the texts. Although Harry never violated your privacy and never pushed you for answers you didn’t want to give, when you started laughing and got nervous about whoever it was that kept texting you, he figured it would be worth it to push your buttons.

“I said no” you repeated yourself, standing up from the couch. There were two main reasons you didn’t want to talk about the person texting you, and these 2 reasons were also probably the only two things in the world you wouldn’t want to discuss with him.

“Why no’?” he asked offended, following you into the kitchen, like a small child begging his parents to let him have his way, “What can be tha’ bad? I wouldn’t have asked any questions if yeh hadn’t been so off about it from the start”

You turned and looked at him dead in the eye, contemplating what to say next. He beat you to it.

“Is it a guy? Have you been seein’ someone?” Harry asked as he walked over to you, completely ignoring your personal space. “Is tha’ it? I don’t wanna read yeh texts, just tell me yes or no, and I’ll drop it. Promise”

You took a deep breath. “Yes, it’s a guy” you said calmly, “But we’re not seeing each other”

“Then why does he keep texting yeh like crazy?”

“Crazy…” you sighed, tapping your chin, “Good description”

“Come on, Y/n” Harry whined, tapping your shoulder as he walked past you and towards the refrigerator, “Just tell me, I’m really curious, crazy how?”

“Promise you’re not gonna freak out?” you laughed, grabbing whatever he was pulling out of the fridge and handing to you. You stopped paying attention after three cups of pudding and one bottle of wine.

“When have I ever freaked out?” he joked, mocking himself. He was usually a calm person, more composed than anyone you’ve ever met, and he less than rarely got angry. And from those times when he did lose his temper, 90% of cases were mild and he was still calmer than anyone else in that kind of situation, but that 10% left was pure terror. When his friends told you years ago that nothing’s scarier than Harry when he was truly mad, you didn’t quite believe them. You had to see for yourself to accept it. It only happened a few times in almost 5 years, but you always still did everything you could to keep him from going off again.

“Ok, so” you started speaking as you rummaged around your kitchen for bowls and glasses, “His name is Marcus and we actually met on Tinder-”

“Wait a second” he cut you off, “During the lock down?”

“Oh, no. It happened before all of this madness. Around january, I think”

It was obvious he was already bothered by how this conversation started, but he did his best to control himself so you wouldn’t decide to drop it. “Pretty serious, then, huh?” he said eventually.

“Literally the opposite” you laughed, pouring the pudding into the bowl, “We saw each other once-” and it hurt you to say the following part but you did it nonetheless, “hooked up, and didn’t talk since”

Pure annoyance was readable on his features. “Apparently haven’t talked until now?”

“Yeah, I mean-” you cringed, “He texted me like a week or so ago and we didn’t - vibe, and he got weird, so like I muted the conversation for 7 days because I didn’t want him to bother me anymore but he got so defensive it was funny so I didn’t really wanna block him”

“Yeh muted the guy a week ago and he still keeps trying?” Harry asked, completely taken aback, “Can’t blame him, but still, tha’s a bit much”

“It is” you nodded in agreement, and motioned for him to open the bottle of wine for you.

“He must have liked yeh a lot” he mumbled, twisting the corkscrew into the top of the bottle, “Maybe you two had a really great time, and he-”

“Harry” you stopped him, leaning your head to the side, “I know you’re squeezing information out of me right now, but I honestly don’t think you want to hear more of this”

“Ok” he sighed defeated, “I’m gonna stop pushin’ yeh. Thanks for tellin’ me tho. And sorry if I crossed any lines''

“You haven’t, H” you smiled, giving him a hug from behind. “It’s fine”

After gathering everything you had fixed up to take into the living room, the pudding and the wine, as you passed the threshold of the kitchen, you heard Harry speak up, traces of amusement audible in his voice. “But like… At least was the sex good?”

“You want me to answer that?” you chuckled, plopping down on the couch. “Do you seriously want me to answer that?”

“Yeah” Harry shrugged, smiling innocently.

“It was horrible” you said bluntly and watched his grin wilt away. “Probably the worst sex I’ve ever had. No, no, no.. Definitely the worst sex I have ever had in my entire life”

His mouth fell agape. “Seriously? Why?”

“Well, i got to his house… And you know, up until then everything was fine, like he seemed like a completely normal and fun guy while we texted but like, as soon as i got to his place he became really… I don’t even know how to put it, he was um.. Very clingy and weird and we talked for a bit but then when we went to his room he turned into literally the biggest asshole I met”

“What?” Harry exclaimed, “Tha’s not wha’ I expected”

“Exactly!” you laughed, “Neither did I!”

“Then wha’ happened?”

“I went down on him and he didn’t do the same because apparently he finds that gross? That’s what he told me but I didn’t wanna get into it because I went there to get dick so I was like let’s just fuck, and we did… We made out a bit, got him worked up again, and when we fucked I literally thought something was wrong with me, because he just.. I don’t know. Bumped into me and after he finished I was there like… What just happened?”

“Yeh were right when yeh said I didn’t wanna hear this”

“Told you” you giggled, grabbing your pudding and toying with your teaspoon.

“Jus’ stop using Tinder, please” Harry eventually shook his head.

“A girl has needs, ok?”

He was enraged and completely ignored your words, “And wha’ does he want from yeh now? He really thinks yeh’d see him again? Really?”

“I don’t even know what he’s been saying, honestly” you shrugged.

“Can I see?” 

“Can you like, read from the notification box? I don’t wanna leave him on seen”

Harry nodded in agreement and you gave him your phone. He pressed the lock button, the screen lit up, and it was instantly flooded with texts from him. Since you put the conversation on mute a week ago, you had no idea what he had been saying. It seemed that he didn’t appreciate your lack of interest and that he didn’t bother to hold back.

‘You pathetic whore, u really think ur gonna find someone better than me? U think ur so high and mighty and hot but  ur gonna die alone you bitch. Do u feel better about yourself if u juts ignore my texts???? Well good for fucking u-’ and Harry locked the phone, the screen going black.

“The fuck did I just read?” he questioned, his annoyance from earlier, now morphing into pure anger.

“You said you wanted to read” you shook your head.

“Why does he think he can talk to yeh like that?”

“I don’t honestly care” you sighed, “It’s not like I’ll ever see him again, so he can go and say anything he wants”

“‘S not how that works, darlin’” he said.

"Can we drop this, please" you sighed, unable to quite look in his direction, "I don't like this"

"Well-" Harry erupted and judging by the way his voice instantly died down, you could tell he almost lost control, "I don't fucking like it either, ok? But yeh shouldn't jus' accept tha'!"

"I wouldn't call it acceptance, H" you shook your head, discarding your bowl of pudding and jumping straight to the bottle of wine. "I told him I'm not interested, and I stopped replying. It's not acceptance... he just keeps trying"

"But for some reason yeh're letting him talk t' yeh like tha'"

"Well-" you shrugged, and took a big gulp of red wine, "He talks by himself"

"Y/n…" Harry called, his voice soft and you could tell that there was anger hidden somewhere deep inside, but you still appreciated the fact that he managed to keep it contained. He extended his arm, his fingers brushing against the side of your thigh. It was a soft, delicate touch, that made every hair on your body stand up. He did it to get your attention and boy, did it work. Instantly, your eyes snapped to his, and were met with something you did not see coming. "Can I say something?" he asked cautiously, his eyes shining with genuine worry.

"You're making this into something much more significant than it actually is"

"I'll drop it" he eventually nodded, "If you promise me something"

"What?"

"If anythin' similar to this happens again, tell me"

"And what are you gonna do about it?" you giggled, trying to lighten the mood. As you kept staring into his green eyes, you brought the wine bottle up to your lips, took a long sip, and then handed it to him.

He took the bottle out of your hands, seemingly not giving more than two shits about it. The warmth in his eyes accentuated as his eyebrows gathered into a concerned furrow, "Make sure it doesn't get to yeh"

"It doesn't" you smiled.

"Lemme make sure" 

"Ok, Harry" you laughed, "I promise you that the next time a guy from Tinder gets mad about me not reciprocating the feeling, and he starts sending me that kind of texts, I will tell you"

The sarcasm just flowed out of you, and he was not impressed.

"I meant in general, love"

"Any guy?" you taunted, "Not just from tinder?"

"Fucking put on tha’ movie" he shook his head, "I know yeh too well. Won't get anywhere until you get some wine in tha’ belly"

"That's your plan?" you laughed, "Get me drunk and make me spill all my secrets?"

"I never assumed you had any secrets, but yeah, now I wanna know those too" Harry grinned, throwing his arm around you and pulling you to his chest. Although this kind of intimacy was something you've been somewhat used to, tonight it was just a bit more difficult to bear. And it may all have been due to the way he mentioned he wouldn’t want anything to get to your head, and the way he said he’d make sure of it. Even though you weren’t truly clear how he’d do that and what exactly was going through his head, it was crystal clear how you’d have him do that.

But now was not the time. You glued your eyes to the TV screen, and begged your brain to focus on the movie in front of you and not whatever Harry was thinking about, mere inches away from you.

There had been something in the air that night, because neither of you managed to pay any kind of attention to the movie anymore. You talked, the conversation not going back to the previous topic, you laughed, gossiped like there was no tomorrow, and now it was almost 4am, and you and Harry were 3 bottles of wine in. Deciding to cut the alcohol before it was too late, you settled for water, as Harry went on to finish a weird story he once heard from a hippie touring the states in his van. He was completely smitten, his eyes shone with admiration for the old man. Harry spoke with words of great respect about a life he wished he could once live. It was only a matter of time until it would get to you.

“But,” you sighed, laying down and placing your head into his lap, “You really seem like the kind of guy to pack his bags and just leave. Like get a couple of friends or something, leave a note saying you’ll eventually be back, and just travel around the world”

“I kinda already do tha’ love” Harry laughed, double chin showing as he looked down at you.

“Not what I meant” you shook your head, “And you know it”

“Wha’ did yeh mean, then?”

He looked down at you, his hands finding their way into your hair as you contemplated how to put the words together. “I don’t know… Less social interaction-” you finally said, “Make it less about living the same songs in front of thousands of people, and more about living a completely new experience as you really get to know just a handful of people”

He didn’t look convinced. His dimples were showing, and a chuckle was threatening to escape his lips.

“That didn’t make any sense, did it?” you laughed.

“It did” Harry smiled, “Might have’ta resume this in tha’ morning, but i think i got the idea”

You pointed your finger to him, “Best”

“Me?” he grinned, grabbing your hand, “Oh, stop it!”

“Not you, your idea”

“Nice save, love”

You wanted to object and keep this topic going as the butterflies in your stomach started to riot, but just as you opened your mouth to speak, the sound of your phone receiving another text filled the air. In an instant, your eyes locked with Harry’s and you knew he wasn’t gonna let any of that shit slide. Not wanting to give him the chance to protest, you sprung up and leaned towards the coffee table, your fingers barely managing to brush against the side of your phone before Harry grabbed your waist and yanked you back, pressing you against the cushions of the sofa as he hovered above you.

The intimacy and urgency of this whole charade made your skin crawl, and you couldn’t help but let a few giggles escape, “What are you doing?” you laughed.

“Not lettin’ tha’ asshole ruin your night, love” Harry smirked, tilting your head so that you had to face him. 

“I’ll see the text in the morning and it will ruin my whole day” you played along, but as it turned out, you dug your own grave.

“Oh?” he grinned, “So it does get to you”

“No!” you belted, “That is not what I meant, Jesus harry”

“Come on, hon” 

His head tilted to the side, before he leaned down and nudged the tip of your nose with his. “Jus’ say the word”

That sent burning chills down your spine, and your cheeks couldn’t do anything but to comply and turn an erotic shade of pink.

“I’m not sure what to say” you mumbled, fighting against the urge to jump on him.

“I’m yer best friend, love-” he made a small pause, for dramatic effect, and just stared down at you while your blood boiled, “Lemme show yeh how good yeh can feel”

“I-”

He cut you off, obviously proud of himself, “I obviously wouldn’t have asked twice if I hadn’t felt you squeeze your thighs around me”

“Fuck, Harry-” you said, embarrassment rushing all over you as you threw your hands in the air.

He leaned down, and brushed his lips along your jaw, “Yeh could be screaming tha’ name”

Regaining your composure, you grabbed his chin and forced him to make eye contact once again, “What does this mean to you?”

“It doesn’t have t’ mean anything we don’t want it to” he nodded, “Just friends looking out of one another”

“Mhm..” you choked, “Yep”

“Tell me, and I’ll get off of you”

Your answer came a short second later. “Yeah, get off” you said sternly.

His features barely got a chance to show the disappointment that enveloped him, because as soon as the words left your mouth, you pushed yourself up. Excitement started showing on his face as you pushed yourself up. With a devilish smile on your lips, you grabbed the hem of his shirt; not giving him a chance to secure his balance on his knees before you pulled the material up his body. He clumsily shuffled out of it, his tattoos coming into full view.

“Is that a new one” you asked, pointing to his left shoulder.

To your surprise he took you seriously, and looked down, obviously confused, “Which one, love?”

“This one” you grinned, pushing yourself up and against his chest, this way, giving yourself a chance to press your lips to the base of his neck.

Harry’s whole body shivered under you as he let out a small chuckle. Instantly, his hands found your waist. Once your lips grazed his sensitive skin, the muscles of his neck relaxed as if under a spell and his head fell back. Harry’s fingers dug into your sides as your teeth sunk his flesh, sucking profusely. Having waited for this so many years, it felt all too real and completely unreal at the same time. There was a fire burning inside of you and the soft moans slipping past his lips were no help with taming it.

“Having fun?” Harry laughed, but his confidence and usual air of self control were shaking.

As a response, you bit into his ear lobe and delighted yourself with the whimpers of pleasure he didn’t even try to hide.

Although burning for it, you didn’t have it in you to go for his lips, so when he was the one to do it, all your radars went crazy. The way he grabbed your chin and pulled you closer, it was all you wished for. Years worth of pent up emotions dripped from your lips and onto his.

How ungrateful and inappropriate would it have been for you to beg for more and guide the situation in a different direction? Even if his gentleness made your knees weak, the heat between your legs begged for a less kissing and a lot more biting. 

It was when he pressed you down against him that made you forget about everything that held you back. His erection was rubbing against your thigh as you grinded down on him, and you couldn’t help but break the kiss and sink your teeth into his lower lip.

Harry threw his head back against your touch, and a proud smile lifted up the corners of your mouth.

“Come on” you moaned, kissing your way down to his ear, “Show me how you should treat a girl”

His fingers snuck into your hair and pulled your head back, forcing your eyes to meet his’, “Is it me? Or are yeh a bit more excited for this than you initially let on?”

Your eyes sparkled as you let out the fib, “It’s just you”

Grinning, he shook his head in mock approval, and secured you in his hold, before effortlessly spinning the two of you around. Now, a mess of limbs, you looked up at Harry with what could only be described as pure lust. And it all reflected on his features. His ridiculously messy curls framed his face perfectly, allowing his proud gaze to fuel your engines.

With all your might you wanted to let him take the lead and not show too much enthusiasm, but it felt next to impossible. Before you knew it, your hands were cupping his cheeks again, forcing his body flush against your own. He kissed you back with no hesitation, as if he too waited years for this to finally happen, as if this was his dumb way of confessing to you that he too, was head over heels for you. But that was a scenario that regardless of its likelihood, was sure to ruin your mood. 

So you pushed it aside, forced your mind to fall on standby, and instead, you concentrated on the way his hands explored every single inch of your body. When he broke the kiss, you wanted to protest, your tongue crying from the sudden loss of contact. But his lips traveled lower, kissing all the way over down your neck, along your collarbones, and across your chest. It was all aggravated and hungry, as if he couldn’t get enough. 

“Yeh good?” Harry asked, looking up at you, cheeks all flushed.

“Yep, yeah” you whispered, the weight of the moment turning your voice into a light chuckle. Breathless and innocent, you were on cloud nine, and all your struggles to keep that hidden were in vain.

Delicately, as only he could, Harry pushed your shirt over your head, leaving you exposed, a fact which sent a whole new wave of pleasure down your body. This gesture alone shook your whole world, but he wasn't wasting any time. You barely even got a chance to catch your breath before he lowered himself, and cupped your breasts into his palms. Your back arched in an instant, and when his warm lips connected to your skin, goosebumps propagated all over your whole body. As circled his lips and caught your nipple between his teeth, your mind went crazy, muscles sizzling with anticipation. A suggestive moan slipped from your throat, and you could tell it surely tickled his ego.

“Gettin’ there?” he questioned even if he already knew the answer.

You threw him half a shrug, tilting your head to the side and pressing your cheek to your shoulder.

“So fuckin’ cute, angel” Harry chuckled, shaking his head as he crawled up your body, “Why’re yeh so cute?”

“How would I know?” you blushed, playing along with his overly teasing approach, “You’re the one who sad it”

“Don’t know why I think yeh’re cute?”

You nodded no.

A small but sure fire lit up his features, and he knew it was on. He did maintain the eye contact for a while, but when he finally looked down at your body, nonchalantly staring at your chest, that was when your breath got caught in your throat. The pressure was building up, yet Harry kept pushing your buttons. 

In desperate need to pick up the pace, you nudged his chin with the back of your fingers, and when his eyes caught yours; you raised one eyebrow, motioning for him to continue. “Wha’ do yeh want me t’ tell yeh, love?” Harry grinned, leaning down to kiss your neck.

“Tell me what you like about me” you laughed, linking your fingers in his hair. While you laughed due to the amount of different emotions that coursed through you, Harry made it all the more difficult for you to keep it together. His kisses were light enough for you to feel the ounces of love that dripped from his lips, but carnal enough to keep you on your toes.

“I love everything about yeh” he murmured against your skin, his chain of passionate kisses crossing over to the other side of your neck, “I mean, wha’s there not t’ like?”

“Word” you giggled, your sarcasm coming in perfect contrast to the weakness his question brought to your knees.

“Fuckin’ love every inch” Harry said, having completely ignored your joke, “Every single part of yeh, yer body and god, yer mind”

His hands cupped the sides of your rib cage, as his lips traveled down your sternum. He seemed lost, completely absorbed. Every time he looked up at you, it was impossible not to notice how out of this world his eyes seemed. Glossy and dark, extravagant green looking to explore more of you. And those were only the times you managed to catch him staring. The pleasure this man provided surpassed the moaning level, he got you working hard not to scream in ecstasy, as his tongue ran laps around your nipples, and the way his lips sucked with that specific amount of pressure. It looked as if he already knew where all your buttons were, he acted as if he knew your body better than you did. And for you, that was a new experience, which would’ve already been too much, even without Harry involved. But seeing your fingers get lost in his absolutely perfect in a messy kind of way locks, as he treated your skin with such refined skill, you found yourself way too close to the edge.

In the high of the moment, probably following an unidentifiable stimulus, you found yourself concentrated on the way his palms felt against your skin. He held you in his arms as if you were the most precious thing he ever laid eyes on. And for some reason, that feeling alone had you skyrocketing.

It was when you moaned out loud, for the first time not holding back, that he finally decided to give you what he promised. 

“Yeh sure this is ok, angel, yeah?” he murmured, looking up at you. 

His light stubble tickled the lower side of your abdomen as his breath barely managed to reach your skin. 

“Yeah” you clumsily nodded, your words coated in fervid enthusiasm.

Something happened. Something clicked inside of him. You saw it in the way his eyes warmed up. For a second he didn’t move, instead he just took in everything that was happening. When he eventually pushed himself up, you expected him to help you or motion for you to undress, but he didn’t. Harry lowered himself on top of you, pressing his chest against your own.

His fingers locked themselves against your chin, “I really wanna fucking do this right for yeh”

His confession took you aback. The seriousness in this tone was not something you anticipated. At first, he was the one who made it all seem like a meaningless game, yet right now, it seemed as though he fell into his own trap. 

All you could do was nod. Nod in approval, nod as a sign for him to keep going. As a promise that it was all ok. This attitude of his was not something you signed up for. Even if it looked like the beginning of what you always wanted, it also felt a little bit too sudden.

“Come here” you cooed, cupping his cheeks in a loving manner.

In an instant, he leaned into your touch, his skin burning against your damp palms. For the x-th time that evening, his lips melted onto yours, but something felt different. But you kept going, allowed the moment to carry you further without giving yourself the burden of dictating a direction. 

And seconds passed, and with each one, his touch became more and more aggravated. You could feel his need, and you have loved to think that what you were feeling from him was love, but it was just too big of a step to take right now. Not too shortly after, the situation escalated towards the point you left off earlier. You let him take the lead, and he soon returned to his usual self.

Harry made his way down your body through a chain of lingering kisses, each one of them awakening yet another side of you. This time, you were given no time to prepare. His experienced hands grabbed your thighs, groping their way up to your hips. Although it was fairly fast, it felt like an eternity. You breathing picked up when his fingers hooked themselves into the waistband of your leggings, and without even thinking about it, you pushed yourself up, allowing him to take them off. 

Now, you hadn’t seen this coming, because if you had, you probably would have chosen to wear something less embarrassing than your Superman underwear. Your cheek heated up as if it was the first time a man had seen you naked, and all your insecurities washed over you. None of those thoughts crossed Harry’s mind though. 

He just smiled - a gesture whose roots you’d never know. 

Harry positioned himself between your legs, his fingers gingerly tracing up and down your outer thighs. “Really fucken gorgeous, yeh know tha’?”

His compliments have never been this hard to receive, “Shut up” you chuckled, rolling your eyes as you couldn't help but squirm under his stare.

“Wha’?” Harry grinned, leaning his head to the side as he let his teasing side take over, 

“Tha’ tinder fuckface never told yeh just how perfect yeh look?”

“This is still about him, huh?”

“It’s about yeh, love” Harry rolled his eyes, letting his nails graze your skin, “Always been about yeh, always will be”

With each word that let his mouth, he leaned down, lower and lower, until every inch of his body was pressing against your own. He dominated the moment, and you love it.

When he engulfed your lips into a kiss, his right hand traveled between your legs. That alone made your core vibrate, and knowing there was no way to hide your enthusiasm, made you smile.

You felt the back of his fingers trace up and down your opening, and his words confirmed your suspicions. He pulled away from your lips just enough so he could speak, but he was still too close for you to properly see his features - he was just a few literal inches away, “I can’t wait to taste yeh, doll”

The grin on his lips and the pride of his tone, had a visible effect on you. The hairs on your body stood up in anticipation, and you couldn’t help but arch your back and close your legs around him. You kissed him back, and this time, it was on.

As his tongue pushed past your lips, Harry’s hands lewdly traveled down your sides, caressing every inch of exposed skin they found in their way. You didn’t see the eagerness coming, but when he reached between your legs, the flimsy material of your underwear didn’t even begin to come in his way. He shoved his hand under your panties, his fingers instantly coming in contact with your opening.

It was solely the emotional value of the moment that made you nearly gasp. Harry took his sweet damn time, as if you needed any more foreplay. The pads of his fingers gingerly traced up and down your opening a few times, before coming back up again to rest against your clit. It was soft and easy at the beginning, but the feather light touch of his fingers started gaining more and more pressure as subtle circular movements started to form.

When you looked up at him, you were met with the mess of curls that had fallen onto his forehead as he had his head hanging low, with his eyes trained between your bodies. With a gentle nudge against his chin, you prompted him to look up. At first he seemed a bit disoriented, but a wicked grin shortly appeared on his lips. It made you smile.

He was the one to resume the kiss, making it gentle this time - in perfect contrast with the action of his fingers, as he slowly made his way past your folds. When the first finger went in, you curled the corners of your mouth in anticipation. It felt fine, but it was just the tip of the iceberg and you knew it. Eager for more, you allowed your teeth to lewdly sink into his lower lip, willing to show him you wanted more. 

With a grunt, Harry shuffled a bit, his knees bucking into your hips. The deep breath he released tickled your skin, but you weren’t going to let this go. As you forced your teeth just a bit deeper into his plush skin, Harry let his forehead fall against yours. 

His tongue neatly traced along your upper lip, and you thought it was in response to your actions. And this erroneous thought kept you from anticipating his next move. When Harry pushed one more finger in, your senses went mad, and the simple fact that he didn't give you too much time to adjust before he pushed a third finger in, rocked you completely. 

You moaned in return and arched your back.

"I got yeh, baby girl" he whispered softly, "Look at me, I got yeh, ok?"

After receiving an enthusiastic nod from you, Harry made his way down your body. This time, he swiftly shuffled to the side, pulling your legs together and riding you of the unnecessary piece of underwear you still had on.

Not waiting for him to take control, you spread your legs, and feasted on the carnal look he had in his eyes as he looked down at your body. He didn’t waste any time before finding the perfect spot between your legs. Your whole body shivered as he leaned his head to the side, his light stubble tickling its way down the inside of your thighs. 

And following the rough feeling of the still shy beard you didn’t think he was able to grow, when his soft lips brushed against your skin, you involuntarily clenched. You bucked your hips and your legs tried, but to no avail, to close the distance between one another. You wanted more - needed more. And he noticed it.

Looking down along your body, you could only see the top of his head. And his fingers, pressing into the skin of your legs. And the tip of his nose as he proceeded to tease you into oblivion with millions of kisses, each of them nothing less than heavenly, but still, nothing compared to what you knew was coming next. The only warning he gave you as a hurried grin, and it was nowhere near enough.

It was on. Elegantly, but with traces of dominance in his touch, and with two fingers, Harry spread your pussy wide open, his tongue lewdly slipping right inside you. The contact and the buildup made you gasp. Had you not been so over the moon and distracted already, you’d have heard him snicker in response to the sound you just made. But you were too caught up. You felt him on every inch of your body, and the signals your core were sending you, were not what you wanted.

You wanted this to last. To have him go at it, lapping at your core for hours. To feel his tongue wag until your senses went numb.It might have been the dry spell that was forced upon you as the pandemic overtook your life, or the timeless, painful crush you’ve had on him for years, but you were already on the edge.

Trying hard to make the moment last, you curled your pointer finger and shoved it into your mouth, biting down hard. Your back arched dangerously as your head flew back, but it all just worked in his favour. Your pleasure was building up, and the careful, experienced movement of Harry’s tongue against your clit was only gaining momentum.

“Yeh taste like fucking heaven but I think yeh already knew tha’” he said, for a second pulling away from your core and giving you a chance to catch your breath.

All you managed was a pathetic excuse of a nod, along with a shy roll of your eyes.

“None of tha’” Harry laughed, licking his lips, “Don’t care how close yeh are, ‘m not gonna stop until yeh moan my name, love”

“Jesus christ, Harry!” you panted, shaking your head.

He responded in a similar manner, and again, with no warning whatsoever, he went back in. This short break allowed you to regain your composure, even if it was just a tiny bit. Your excitement, although still there and just as consuming, was easier to control now. You felt his touch all throughout your body, his tongue tickling all your senses.

What brought you closer into the moment was the feeling of his hands, as he grabbed your thighs and pushed your legs up onto his shoulders. For whatever reason, this felt even more intimate, and as his fingers sank into your flesh, you felt your engines start up again.

The delicate flicks of his tongue were getting more and more aggravated by the second, and now it was close to impossible to keep calm. Sweaty palms gripping tirelessly into the cushions under you, your back under constant strain, your eyes squeezed shut - he had you entirely.

And as if that wasn’t enough, he went further. Harry pushed one finger inside of you, moving his lips up to fully concentrate on your clit. His tongue prepared you, got you all ready and wanting, and then, he wrapped his lips around your bundle of nerves and sucked - gently and with a minimal amount of pressure, but god-

“Fuck, Harry-” you called out. It was more of a cry, choked back in the depths of your throat, all breathy and muffled.

“Come on, angel” Harry whispered.

As you looked down, past your heaving chest, your eyes landed conveniently on the top of his head. Complete chaos - his unruly curls tickled the inside of your thighs, as his fingers dug into your flesh. The two rings he never takes off were sure to leave proud indents on your skin.

Harry sucked at your bundle of nerves, the eager touch of his tongue awakening absolutely every need inside your being. Add the experienced pumps of his fingers and the fact that this was Harry Styles and none other, and you were done.

With each passing second you started to lose more and more of the control you had on your body. Sweating nervously out of every pore of your body, you squirmed under his weight hoping you’d make the moment last.

“‘S good, love, isn’t it?” Harry smirked for just about a second, “I can see yeh, yeh’re a mess fo’ me”

“Fuck” you whined, covering your face with your right palm as your head tilted backwards, “Shut up”

“Oh!” Harry faked surprise, “Gettin’ cocky?”

As he spoke, Harry curled his fingers inside your pussy; maybe intentionally - maybe by chance, hitting all the right spots and making you moan out loud.

“I’ll take tha’ as an apology”

You scoffed.

Harry shook his head. When you looked down at him again, you caught him licking his lips. It was obvious he waited for you to catch him doing that.

Already at the edge of your self control, you curled your fingers into his hair, motioning for him to resume his work. He followed your lead without any complaints, and when his bottom teeth grazed your clit, even if it was light as a feather you lost it.

Your mind became numb, drunk on the pleasure he provided. Your eyes rolled back as you enjoyed every second of your high. Harry kept you spiraling, continuing to lap at your core as the muscles of your legs tensed uncontrollably around his frame.

“Holy fuck-” you breathed out, voice shaky and wounded.

He made sure to milk every ounce of pleasure out of your being, leaving you a heaving mess under his stare.

Harry pushed himself up, nonchalantly wiping his chin, his eyes not allowing yours to look away.

As you gathered yourself and worked on bringing your breathing back to normal, there was only one thought going on inside your head - that it would only be fair if you reciprocate the gesture. Thinking about it was enough to make your core buzz again, but you didn’t have it in you to bring it up, and instead hoped he’d show he wished things didn’t stop either.

But he didn’t.

However, you got to kiss him again. And no matter how badly you wanted to keep the atmosphere on fire, he had other plans. 

“Did I take good care of yeh?” Harry asked as he leaned down beside you. His hand found your cheek, keeping you in place for another longing kiss, “Did I do yeh right?”

You nodded against his lips, not willing to actually word the answer.

His chuckle made it clear that the point got through. And for a second it seemed as if the night wasn’t done. None of you was willing to pull away, and allowed the minutes to go by without a care in the world, lost in each other’s arms.

“Freakin’ love yeh, angel” Harry said.

It wasn’t the first time you’d hear this coming out of his mouth, but you couldn’t help but smile thinking this time it was meant in a different manner. You answered him by cuddling deeper into his chest, and that was a moment you wouldn’t have traded for the world.

And you fell asleep like that. No matter how big and luxurious your couch was, you still spent the night glued to one another. Harry felt every calm breath of yours on his skin and everytime he moved a bit to adjust his position, his hold tightened around you to make sure he wasn’t pushing you away.

After what was probably the best sleep you’d gotten in the whole year of 2020, morning came around. Actually it was lunch time, if we’re being generous. The sun was high up, proudly making its way into your living room, past the curtains to forgot to draw the other night.

When you awoke, Harry wasn’t there anymore. However, panic didn’t have the time to settle in as you heard movement coming from the kitchen, and the strong smell of coffee reached your nose in no time.

You got up from the couch, with herds of butterflies in your stomach. Harry’s words from last night still echoed in your head, and even now, with no alcohol in your system, they managed to bring goosebumps all over your skin.

“When did you get up?”

That was how you made your presence known.

Harry turned around with a smile on his face. He had a bag of avocados tucked under his arm, as he typed away on his phone. His undone pants were hanging onto his thighs for dear life, and the only other piece of fabric on his body was a thin, brown hair tie around his wrist. There were a few purple marks along his collar bones and his hair looked rougher than usual, things which deep down, shook you up a bit.

 “Wanted to take yeh out fo’ breakfast, but I gotta leave in like an hour, so I figured this should do”

“Yeah, yeah sure” you agreed, “It’s perfect”

“Would’ve done mo’, but Y/n, yeh have no food in this house”

You laughed, walking over to slump down into one of the chairs, “Didn’t get a chance to get any perishables”

“You got some” Harry chuckled, “You got weeks’ worth of everything you need to make guacamole and pancakes”

“I have no idea how that happened, those will spoil” you shook your head, “You can take some of them actually”

“Or I could just come over”

“Even better”

The food was ready in no time. Harry had everything done and set while you washed up a bit, and after that, you both sat down to eat. Minimal and light, but still, there was a weight in the pit of your stomach.

“About last night-” Harry began to say, but you tried to stop him.

“You don’t have to-”

“We kinda do, love” he smiled, “I need to apologise, angel”

You squinted your eyes, “For?”

“I don’t really have t’ apologise fo’ what I said because I meant every word” Harry slowly said, as if he has a hard time putting his thoughts together, “I jus’ wish I hadn’t said it like tha’ though”

“Like what?” you questioned, a bit lost.

“Like I had the right to say that kind of crap” he laughed. It was nervous laughter, like he was afraid of what was coming next, “I do fucking love yeh, but I shouldn’t have assumed you wanted to hear that”

“What are you talking about, I don’t understand” you groaned, growing a bit tired of the impatience he brought upon you.

“You’re my best friend, ok?” he sighed, “That’s all we are, Y/n, and that was not supposed to happen”

The food got lodged in your throat, and you felt like if you didn’t stand up, you’d no longer be able to breathe. “It was your idea” you scoffed.

Harry’s eyes followed your frame, but he remained seated, “I know”

“So what changed? If anything even changed. I don’t understand what the problem is. You regret we did what we did-”

“I don’t regret anything” Harry butted it.

“You said it was not supposed to happen!” you exclaimed, rolling your eyes as you walked over to the sink, just to make yourself useful and to stop just standing in front of him.

“The things I said to you-” he said sternly, pushing his chair back and throwing his hands into the air, “I shouldn’t have said those, ok? It doesn’t matter who meant what, I told you things that-”

“What did you tell me that’s bothering you so much?” you almost yelled, annoyance dripping out of your pores. You walked over to him, and he closed the distance by standing up.

“I-” Harry stuttered, playing with his hair to buy himself some more time. “All the-”

“What?” you pushed, “That you like everything about me? That’s what you regret saying? And what else?”

“God” he groaned, “I don’t regret saying tha’, it’s just tha’ it wasn’t my place to say it”

You fell silent.

“If I were you... I’d want to hear those things from someone that is more than just a friend to me” he confessed.

“And you can’t be that to me? More than a friend?”

After a few seconds of painful silence, realization hit him, “Y/n…”

He did reach out. He took a step towards you but you stepped back. The remorse in his tone was too painful to ignore. So you moved away from him and slowly made your way out of the kitchen.

“Y/n!” Harry called, following you.

“Just go”

“Please...”

“Please what?” you shook your head, but he didn’t have the words you needed to hear.

“I’m sorry”

“It’s fucking fine” you sighed, walking backwards towards your room, “Just show yourself out”

[alpacaparkaseok]

Where you should be

8. Thantophobia

Today is a crazy and disappointing day in the US. To all my friends, whether in the states or outside, stay safe. 🤟🏼

Genre: Hobi x oc

Warnings: this series contains stalking, blackmail, and similar stressful/fear inducing situations. Also unrequited love, which is perhaps the most terrifying of all.

Word Count: 4.1k

Thantophobia (n.) the phobia of losing someone you love

I have a few poignant regrets in my life. One of them is rejecting Hoseok over a year ago.

The other is sitting right in front of me.

“Why are you frowning?” Jihun asks me as he downs another glass of whine. “I thought I told you that we were celebrating tonight.”

My wine remains untouched on the coffee table before me, and I make to no to drink it. “Get out of my apartment.”

Jihun shakes his head at me, looking disappointed. “Is that really the way to speak to an old friend?”

“In what world are we friends?”

“Do you really not remember me?”

I huff, sitting on the very edge of the couch and trying my best to hide my phone that I’ve set beside me. “You hardly seem worth remembering.”

Jihun’s nostrils flare as he leans forward. “Now the truth comes out,” he coos. “Did you know that I’ve also had a few friends keeping tabs on your boyfriend?”

I freeze, staring at him in disbelief. “What?”

“They’re there right now, actually. I’ve been receiving updates from them all night…” he takes his phone out to glance at the screen, a wide smile playing across his features. “It looks like Hoseok just arrived at home. I wonder where he was? With you, perhaps?”

I find that I’m unable to answer him, too afraid of what’s about to happen next. Jihun seems to know this, chuckling at my reaction as he scrolls through his phone.

“Oh, you know what could be fun?” He tilts his head to the side, almost replicating Hobi’s endearing habit for a moment, putting a dark twist to it. “Answer me, Ha-rin.”

“What,” I whisper. It’s enough for now.

“In my agreement with Bang Si-hyuk, he made me agree to not release any of the photos I worked so hard to collect to the public. He also had a few other conditions, however I was interested to see just how much he stressed that no actions that could lead to physical harm be taken against the two of you.”

My blood chills as Jihun smiles, looking for all the world like there’s no place he’d rather be than right here, threatening me.

“You can’t harm us,” I breathe out, the bite in my words lost in my fear.

Jihun shrugs. “True. But I was never told that we couldn’t have a little fun with Hoseok’s house, was I?” My heart begins to pound as Jihun looks back down at his phone, completely relaxed. “It’s not my fault if he’s inside it when it happens.”

Suddenly I’m seeing red, bolting off the couch and sprinting for the door. “What are you going to do?!” I scream, tearing the door open and staring back at Jihun who hasn’t moved an inch. “What are you-”

“I already did my part.” Jihun says, stretching before getting on his feet. Prowling toward me like a cat, he gives me a toothy grin as he sidles out the door. “Now we just have to wait.”

I shove past him, taking off down the hallway. Barefoot, eyes wide, and panting as I sprint toward the elevator. As I pound the button over and over, I hear Jihun’s voice from behind me.

“What are you going to do about it? Take the bus?” Placing a hand on my shoulder, he gives a contented sigh as the elevator doors slide open almost as though at his own beck and call. “It’ll be too late, by then, darling.” He glides into the elevator, turning around to give me a mock salute before punching the buttons. As the doors close, Jihun frowns at me.

“You should have left him alone, he would have been much better off.”

I stare at the closed doors for a few seconds, my brain short-circuiting as my heart pounds out of my chest. Think Ha-rin, think.

Remembering my phone that I still have in my hands, I bring it up to my ear.

“Do-yun-”

“I’m almost at his house. Stay inside. Hajoon should be there shortly.”

“But-”

“Inside.”

Practically crawling back to my apartment, I’m barely able to open the door before my knees crash into the ground.

I had called Do-yun as soon as I saw Jihun, hoping that he was listening to every word. Clearly he was, but Jihun’s words swirl around my head as I crumble in on myself.

It’s not my fault if he’s inside it when it happens.

You should have left him alone.

We’re celebrating tonight!

I was wrong to defend him in front of Bang Si-hyuk. Now, instead of playing his tedious games of money and photos, I’m on my knees waiting for the headline to cross my phone. I can picture it so clearly in my head.

Jung Hoseok - dead in an explosion

J-hope dead at the hands of love

World star ‘j-hope’ found dead in his apartment - is Sunny behind this?

“Sunny?”

I bolt up to my feet, throwing myself at the intruder. “Get out! Leave!”

Two strong arms trap my arms against my body, and I look up through blurry eyes to see Hajoon staring down at me with a clenched jaw.

Suddenly I’m collapsing against him, sobbing into his jacket as I say the same thing over and over again.

“Hobi…”

“Do-yun was nearly there when I last checked in with him.”

I shake my head. “It’s too late.”

“Too late?”

Jihun’s words plummet into my brain like ammunition. “Too late. I should h-have left him alone. It’s all my- my fault.”

I can feel Hajoon shaking his head above me. “That’s not true, Sunny. Don’t believe what that freak said. He was just trying to get under your skin.”

I go to speak again, but Hajoon’s phone begins to ring. Jumping away from him like I just saw a ghost, I watch as he turns serious, angrily wiping my tears away as though they’ll obstruct my hearing.

“Yes sir...I’m here…” He listens for a long moment, nodding. “Ok. Would you like me to contact anyone?”

My stomach drops to my toes. Hajoon quickly finishes the phone call, turning to see my fallen expression.

“Do-yun said to bring you over to Hoseok’s place.”

My eyes widen. “I-is he alright?”

Hajoon grabs my coat from off the rack and nudges my shoes toward me. I hurry to put them on. “Do-yun is clearing the area for any sign of a threat.”

Not an answer.

“But is Hoseok alright?”

Hajoon opens the door wide for me, giving me a confused look. “Of course.”

♟

The drive to Hobi’s apartment is excruciating. I’ve sent him about a million texts and attempted to call him a couple of times, but no answer.

“You did the right thing,” Hajoon gingerly says. He keeps his eyes trained on the road ahead, but I know that he’s wondering if I’m about to start sobbing again. “You remained calm for as long as you could, and gave us valuable information. If you hadn’t called Do-yun-”

“Hajoon.”

He sighs. “Alright.”

By the time we’re pulling up to where he lives, I’m nearly hyperventilating. As I see his house still in one piece and the lights on inside, I let out a sob of relief.

Hajoon has barely had time to throw the car into park before I’m launching myself out of the car, flying up the stairs and tearing open the door.

Do-yun stands talking with Hoseok, who jumps at my sudden entrance.

“H-Hoseok,” I gasp. “I’m so s-sorry-” I rush inside, running straight to him as he opens his arms.

“I’m ok,” he soothes, shooting Do-yun a concerned look over my shoulder. “Breathe, Rin-ah. I’m ok.”

I shake my head, burying myself into Hobi’s shoulder as I cling to him. “No, this wouldn’t have happened if-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Hobi mutters, already reading my mind.

“But-”

“Do-yun, thank you for coming.” Hobi effectively dismisses the bodyguard, slinging his arm around me and pulling me in farther to the apartment. “Did you need anything else, or…?”

“No, no. We’ll just take one last look at the area and call it a night.”

Do-yun’s footsteps echo around the small common area as he heads toward the door, calling out to Hajoon as he opens the door.

I remain in Hobi’s arms while we listen to their muted conversation outside, shaking like a leaf as Hobi tries to calm me down.

“I’m so sorry, Rin-ah,” he mumbles. “I can’t imagine how you must have felt.”

A part of me crumbles at his sincere words, pulling back enough to look up at him with a sorrowful look. “Hobi, this is my fault. I-I thought that you were-”

“Shh,” he whispers, pulling me back into his arms. “You’re exhausted and in shock. How about you take a shower? I’ll grab some clothes for you.”

I blink up at him. “But I need to go home.”

Hobi smiles softly at me, looking at me like I just asked him why the world orbits the sun. “Stay. Just for tonight.”

Grumbling the entire way to the shower, I watch Hoseok’s every move as he brings me some spare clothes, giving me a fresh towel and instructing me on everything that has to do with the shower, almost as though I’ve never used one before.

I keep quiet, not having it in me to tease him about it right now. Not when I’m still struggling to keep it all together.

I could have lost him tonight.

That’s the thought that keeps me company as I stand under the shower, making no move to do anything else. The white tile I’m staring at laughs as me as I try to calm down, but everytime I close my eyes I’m suddenly back at my apartment, standing barefoot in the hallway and completely unable to help the person I love.

If I can’t protect him, should I even be allowed to have him?

I finally manage to get enough energy to wash my hair and body as quickly as possible, spurred on by the same thought as before. I could have lost him.

Turning the shower off and wiping the steam off of the mirror, I stare at my reflection. My makeup which I forgot to take off before showering is running down my cheeks, making my eyes look just as terrifying as I feel at the moment. Scrubbing hard at my face, I listen to the sounds of Hobi moving about the house. A part of me relishes in the fact that I’m here tonight, with him. Especially after so long of not being able to see each other for more than a few hours at a time. It’s been...over a year since I was last here.

Once my face is shiny and clean, I release a long breath. I’m still on edge, but now I’m starting to feel the exhaustion seeping in. From today’s meeting with its tense atmosphere, to creating the new track and now this, it’s been a long day.

“Hobi?” I call out quietly as I step out into the hallway, hissing at the sudden cold now that I’m out of the bathroom.

“In the kitchen!”

Making my way to the kitchen I glance at a few of the new decorations he’s put up. There’s one small painting in particular that I don’t remember being here before, and I pause to look at it.

“Did you get lost?” Hoseok’s arms wrap around my shoulders as he asks the questions, making me nearly jump out of my skin. He laughs, pressing a kiss to my hair. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I mumble, pointing to the painting. “This wasn’t here before.”

“Ah. You haven’t been here in a while.” Pulling me backward, he steers me toward the kitchen. “I made some chamomile. Shall we drink some tea and head to bed?”

“Mmm.”

He chuckles, taking the kettle off the stove. “I’ll take that as a yes.” I watch his lithe fingers as they take two mugs out of the cupboard, the tea steaming as he pours until they’re filled to the brim. Sliding the mug toward me he waits until I’ve grabbed it and hold it in my hands before he turns to clean up.

“I sent Do-yun to your apartment complex to find Jihun’s ex.” Hobi’s back is to me, rinsing off some dishes in the sink as he speaks. “Hopefully she’ll be able to give us some way to find him.”

My eyes widen. “What are they going to do with him?”

Hobi looks at me over his shoulder, his face grim. “Rin-ah, they’re going to arrest him. He’s threatened us openly, and we were foolish enough to think that he’d be satisfied with the money offer. He’s insane. He won’t stop once his pockets are lined.”

Gazing down at my tea, I sigh. “Good.”

Hoseok gives me a surprised gaze. “You were just defending him this morning to Bang PD.”

“I simply wanted him to be handled like a normal person,” I defend. “And this is how normal people should be treated. He’s...scary, and threatening the safety of others. So good. I’m so tired…” I trail off, planting my face in my hands. “I’m so tired of all of this.”

The sound of a stool scraping against the floor alerts me to Hobi sitting across from me. He makes no moe to pull my attention away or make me look at him, instead just opting to be there with me.

“I know.”

There isn’t much else to be said as we slowly drink our tea, staring off into the distance with our heavy thoughts. I wonder what he’s thinking as Hobi’s eyes become clouded with worry.

I don’t get a chance to ask. “You should head to bed,” Hobi whispers into the silence. I nod, slipping off the stool and taking my mug to the sink. “I’ve got it, don’t worry.” He mumbles, gently pulling me away.

“I can wash my dish, Hobi,” I grumble. He shakes his head.

“I know, but it’s my house. Let me wash it. You go to sleep.” We walk down the hallway to the guest room, and the second I enter it I’m drowning in a flood of memories and emotions. If I squint, I’m sure I can see my past self staring up at the ceiling with so much regret.

A glance at Hobi’s face shows me that he’s also remembering what happened the last time we were in this room. For a moment he reverts back to that wounded self, hardly daring to look at me in the eye as he turns down the bed and turns on the bedside lamp. I watch him from the doorway, halfway between a smile and a frown.

“You should be set,” Hobi says with his hands on his hips. “Do you need anything else before I head to bed?”

“I think I’m fine. Thank you,” I say, striding over to him wrapping my arms around his middle. I smile softly as Hoseok sighs in relief, running his hands up and down my arms.

“I love you.”

Those three words uttered from his lips are like ambrosia to my senses, and I relax enough to lean up to brush my lips against his. “I love you.”

♟

I’m back to staring at the ceiling. A glance at my phone has me groaning; it’s only 12:30. Why does it feel like I’ve been laying here for years?

Despite my exhaustion, I can’t stand to close my eyes. My heart begins to pound and suddenly I’m breaking out into a cold sweat as I imagine over and over again different scenarios which all have one thing in common: losing Hobi.

It’s when I’ve had a mini melt down for the fifth time that I swing my legs out of bed, feet finding my slippers in the dark. Padding silently to my door, I open it to find the hallway completely dark.

I keep one hand on the wall as I wander about the apartment, trying to find Hobi’s room in the dark. As I round a corner and see a faint light coming out from under his door, I sigh. It looks like I’m not the only one still awake.

I stand outside of his door for too long, contemplating whether I should just leave him alone and go back to bed, but looking back at the dark hallway I find that I’m too scared to turn back now. The thought of Jihun waiting in the shadows to pounce out at me has me gently cracking the door open, peeking inside Hobi’s room.

He’s sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands, wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt. He doesn’t notice my arrival, keeping his face hidden behind his hands as he takes steadying breaths.

My voice is small as I call out to him. “Hobi?”

Hobi’s head shoots up at my voice, his eyes wide as they land on my figure in the doorway. “Rin-ah, what’s wrong?”

Chewing on my lip like it can save me from embarrassment, I tiptoe into his room until I’m sitting beside him on the bed, clinging to the edge with white knuckles.

“Can I stay in here tonight?”

I didn’t think it was possible for Hobi’s eyes to get any wider, but I’m proven wrong as he slowly nods, his eyes nearly popping out. After a few seconds he finally composes himself, letting out a long breath. “Of course you can. Can’t sleep?”

He sits back against the headboard, gesturing for me to follow. “No,” I admit, coming to sit beside him.

“Come here, I’ll play with your hair.”

I can hear my heart pounding in my ears as I lay my head on his lap, my eyes immediately falling shut as he begins to run his fingers through my hair. It’s quiet, the sound of our breathing the only noise as I’m pulled closer and closer to sleep.

My hand curls around Hobi’s free hand, instinctively holding onto him as his fingers dip down to trace the lines of my face. I’m half asleep when I hear Hobi’s low rumble, hardly able to understand what he’s saying at first.

“...had a hard day. I’m sure you’re exhausted.” He traces my jaw, coming up to my cheekbone. “But you’re so brave, Rin-ah. I should tell you this when you’re actually awake, huh? But if you’re somehow listening to me in your dreams, I want you to know that I think you’re so brave. It’s one of the reasons I love you. You’re my brave, beautiful, quick-witted Rin-ah.”

The bed shifts as Hobi slides to lay down on the bed, my nearly unconscious self hardly noting the movement. He keeps me close, his breath fanning my face as we lay on our sides. His finger traces the slope of my nose one last time before pressing a light kiss to my forehead.

“I got that new painting about...eight months ago?” His voice is soft, lulling me closer to sleep.  “It reminded me of you. And for some reason I thought that I needed that. I needed to be reminded of what I lost.” He sighs, the sound weighing on my heart. “I needed to look at that every day and remember what I lost so I would know to cherish it if I ever got a second chance.”

The bed dips and shifts as Hobi rolls to his back, maintaining the grip that I still have on his hand and pulling it up to lay on his chest.

He turns off the lamp, delving us into darkness. “I love you. Always have, always will.”

♟

When I wake up it’s not because the sun is up or because my dreams have driven me awake; it’s because somebody’s holding my hand.

One eye slides open to see Hobi lying beside me, back on his side and my hand still wrapped around his. His hair is a mess, sticking up in different directions and his lips form a pout that I think can only be described as adorable.

I’m in the middle of marveling at how wonderful it is to wake up beside him when the memory of the events of last night barrels into me at full speed.

If things had gone south last night…

It’s that thought that has me taking a deeper look at the man beside me, noting the worry lines and remembering how he sat with his head in his hands last night when I came in, looking for all the world like he was seconds away from a mental breakdown. The thought I had last night re enters my mind unbidden.

If I can’t protect him, am I even allowed to keep him?

Looking across the room to the window I can tell that behind the curtains the world is still dark. It reflects my dark thoughts as Jihun’s voice drifts back to me.

“You should have left him alone, he would have been much better off.”

Brushing back a strand of hair from Hobi’s forehead, I feel the tears pricking as I memorize how he looks right now.

“So beautiful,” I whisper.

Slipping my hand from his and watching how he frowns and grabs the blanket in my absence, I get off the bed as quietly as possible.

The rest is easy. Changing into yesterday’s clothes and grabbing my phone, I leave a note on the fridge. I’m nearly to the door when I stop myself.

I have so rarely been selfish when it comes to Hoseok. I’ve always tried my best to remember that everything has a price, and it’s not one that we’re both willing to pay. We’ve worked too hard to get to where we are now to throw it all away.

Saying yes to him a few weeks ago was the most selfish I’ve been, but it was worth it. For a moment, the pros outweighed the cons. So, continuing for a moment longer in that selfishness, I sneak back down to his room, peeking inside to where he’s still asleep.

His back is turned to me, he hasn’t moved from his previous position. Sighing to myself, I watch as he breathes, still in the throes of sleep. Peaceful.

I hesitate a few seconds longer before heading back to where my shoes were kicked off beside the door. Glancing at the painting of downtown Seoul with a bus in the background, I close the door as quietly as possible.

♟

Sending off the text and attached files to Pdogg, I sling my backpack over my shoulder and wince at the weight. Between the backpack and the duffle bag I’m carrying, I’m definitely getting my workout in.

I double check the slip of paper in my hand, hoping that I’m not too late. Announcements are being made over the PA, but they’re not loud enough to drown out the sound of my phone ringing nonstop. I drop my dufflebag to silence my phone, giving an apologetic look to the people around me.

In the end, there was one comment that Jihun made that actually made sense to me.

“What are you going to do, take the bus?”

A dark bus appears in the distance and people begin to line up to board. I join the line, squinting to make sure that this is the right one. When the bus lights up with the words Daegon/Daegu/Busan I roll my shoulders in preparation for the long ride.

Out of habit I keep my head down, praying that nobody here will recognize me from work. If Bighit managed to catch wind of my plans that quickly, I’d be impressed. But I doubt that they’ll realize what I’ve done until later.

If only Hoseok would stop calling me, that would make it all so much easier.

A young man smiles at me as he politely offers to help me with my bags. I let him store my duffel bag below the bus, opting to keep my backpack with me.

Only a few minutes later we’re rolling out of the station. My eyes take in the sights and sounds of Seoul, aching as I see the Bighit building in the distance.  

“Where are you heading?” A chipper young girl asks beside me. “I’m going to Daegon to spend the week with my grandma. Are you visiting family?”

I chew on the inside of my cheek, my eyes watching the Bighit building until it’s out of sight. “No, I’m moving.”

“Really? You don’t have a lot of things if you’re moving. Where are you moving to?”

I finally get a good look at her, almost laughing when she’s wearing a BTS shirt. Life is cruel.

“Me? Busan.”

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taglist: @taylorroe3​ @dreamcatcherjiah @diorhoba @eusticenatalie @ddaeng-i-need-help

[wherevermyway]

step out! do what you want (chapter four)

pairings: reader/bang chan, reader/han jisung
 side pairings: established changbin/minho, reader/bang chan/han jisung rating: explicit | 18+ warnings: shit gets sour real quick in this chapter, so hold on to your butts. violence, graphic descriptions of said violence, use of firearms, gunshot wounds, injuries, blood, profanity, use of drugs (mild), mention of sex, drug dealer!au, organized crime!au. also, holy fuck, so much angst. word count: about 8,100 also posted to my AO3 here! chapter/series navigation

chapter four: laugh now, cry later

recommended tracks (it’s not all kpop/jpop this time): laugh now, cry later by drake, levanter by stray kids, the next best american record by lana del rey, burn it by agust d & max, sorry mama by dkb, 일곱 번째 감각 (the 7th sense) by nct u, 불면증 insomnia by stray kids, lost by desired, ta by stray kids, fake love by bts, shc by foster the people, yeah right by joji, don’t touch me by 3racha, spring day (bts piano cover) by smyang piano. playlist can be found here!

note: this chapter is fucking nuts. there’s a shift in my writing style for this one; it’s a lot more passive and descriptive for the first bit, so I hope it doesn’t bother you too much. thank you for tagging along with this wild ride so far, I hope you enjoy this chapter!  

disclaimer: any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable, please stop reading now.

side note: for the love of minho’s cats, don’t mix party drugs or drugs with alcohol.

The elevator softly touches down with the first floor of the building. Felix and Jeongin step out first, cautiously looking around the building. Jeongin waves at the three of you in the elevator, motioning for you to keep moving. Christopher squeezes your hand so hard, you think it might pop off. He pulls you along as he methodically steps out of the elevator, Jisung following you both and he is resting his hand on the small of your back.

You make your way to the front door, the younger men holding the doors open for the three of you. A black SUV sits in the street right in front of the door, and you can faintly make out Changbin’s features through the dark.

“Let’s fucking go!” He shouts at all of you through the open passenger side window. Felix opens the middle side door, throwing the duffel bag into the back seat. He waves his hand for you to get in, helping you up with his hand. You head for the very back of the van, seating yourself in the middle of the row. Jisung is the next in behind you, crawling in and sitting down to your left.

Jeongin opens the front passenger door, climbing in and taking one of his pistols out of its holster, holding it in his lap as he scans the perimeter through the windshield.

For a moment, time feels like it’s a paradox: going so fast that you can’t anchor yourself down, but also going so slowly that you swore that you could see the individual particles of light travelling around you. Everything gets quiet for a second as Christopher turns to the car, his head craned over his left shoulder, eyes meeting yours, and time completely halts.

The space-time paradox you find yourself in renders itself inert. You study all of the details of his face, how each individual strand of hair lightly curls from the top of his scalp, how the ambient lighting reflects in his eyes and illuminates his face. His face was gorgeous, but his side profile captivated you.

That’s when it happens.

Everything gets blisteringly loud and bright, and you stay frozen. The way that Christopher’s face contorts to the noises and sounds isn’t right; he’s grimacing in pain and anger, slowly turning to where Jeongin and Felix are shooting.

Shooting? When did you register that they were shooting?

Jisung had leaped forward to the black duffel bag, ripping it open and pulling out a semi-automatic rifle, hanging himself out of the door, shooting in the same direction.

It’s grotesquely incredible, really, in a dark, disturbing poetic way. In this moment of time, everything freezes. Nothing truly exists; you are living in a still photo, but you can still move your eyes. Changbin is loading a pistol in the front seat, Jeongin in the seat next to him, leaning out of the window. Jisung is standing completely upright, half of his torso hanging out of the door, his left shoulder anchoring him to top of the car as he holds his rifle up to his right shoulder. Outside the window, you see the nearly-white hair of Felix, aiming his pistol out to something - or someone - in front of him.

However, you don’t see Christopher anywhere, which is peculiar, because he was right there just a second ago. Where did he go?

You manage to lift yourself off of the seat, feeling like all of your limbs are weighted down with cement. The men around you don’t notice, still moving in slow motion. As you get past the seats in front of you, you turn to your right, and that’s when you see Christopher. He’s on the ground, leaning on the car, gripping his right shoulder.

That’s odd. When you left the apartment earlier, you don’t remember seeing his shirt so… red? You could have sworn it was a soft grey.

Why was water dripping on your arms? How could it be raining inside the car? Why did Christopher look so uncomfortable? How come his face was scrunched up in pain?

Pain? Did he fall down?

No. No, of course he didn’t.

Suddenly, it was like a mute button was turned off, and it felt like you were a tape left on fast-forward, stuck in a VCR. Things were zooming past you, and you could have sworn that there were blurry lines taking over your vision. Things came back, all at once, and the first sound you could hear was the sound of your own voice, screaming out in primal despair. Everything was so blisteringly loud that you couldn’t focus on a single thing. Reality came crashing down on you, like a tidal wave colliding with the coast.

Christopher wasn’t wearing a red shirt.

He didn’t fall down. It wasn’t raining in the car.

He was shot in his right shoulder, bleeding profusely, and you were screaming and crying because you knew.

Christopher was shot. Christopher was going to die.

You were no longer living in a still photo; you had become the still photo, unable to move. Jisung tosses the rifle he was holding onto the sidewalk, yelling something at Felix, getting him to try to move Christopher. He turns to you, motioning for you to move, saying something to you in a foreign language.

Why was he yelling at you in a different language? Why couldn’t you understand Korean anymore? Jisung was suddenly in the car now, right in front of you, grabbing you up from under your underarms and pushing you on to one of the passenger seats behind you. He says something to you, directly in your face, but you still can’t understand him.

Jisung jumps back on to the sidewalk, helping Felix lift Christopher into the car. He’s yelling something over his shoulder to Changbin, and Jeongin is trying to get your attention. He’s talking to you too in this peculiar language, pushing his hands down repeatedly in a steadied motion, trying to calm you down.

As soon as both Felix and Jisung are completely in the car, Jisung reaches out for the rifle on the ground, pulling it in as he slams the door shut. You feel the vehicle shift as it speeds down the street. Jisung and Felix have moved Christopher to the very back of the vehicle. You turn to look at him, and his face is soft, his eyes open, glossy, and staring at you. He reaches his left arm out towards you, weakly and softly whispering your name.

“Don’t worry, baby,” he breathily says, a weak smile curving at the corner of his mouth. All of the words being thrown around the car suddenly making sense again, as if someone flicked a switch. “Just a scrape. I’ll be okay. I promise.” He punctuates his sentences with short, shallow breaths. You grab his hand, holding it to comfort him. There was no way you could bring yourself to look away from him.

“I need another shirt or something to pack this,” you hear Felix’s voice, realizing that he’s taken his sweatshirt off and is holding it up against Christopher’s wound.

“I’ve got it,” Jisung says, ripping his jacket off, bringing it down to Christopher’s chest to help Felix control the bleeding.

There’s just so much blood everywhere.

You remember a fact that someone told you once in university: the human blood has between four and six litres of blood in it. Losing 750 millilitres is enough to cause the human body to start to go into hemolytic shock. Two litres of loss, or 40% the body’s total volume, was almost always fatal.

The sight of seeing how much Christopher’s blood has been painted over the car nearly puts you into shock. It’s on the floor, on every seat in the vehicle, even on the ceiling, and on Jisung and Felix. His blood is on you, too, starting to dry on your exposed skin.

“How much longer, Changbin?” Jisung is yelling at the top of his lungs, looking past you to the front of the car.

“Five minutes,” Changbin says, trying to sound calm, but there’s a slight wavering in his voice. “How is Chan doing?”

“I can’t tell,” Felix says without looking up, “he’s conscious, but disoriented. I don’t like how much blood Bang-hyung has lost. I can’t find an exit wound, either. I’m not sure if it’s a cluster of veins or an artery, but this isn’t good.”

Christopher coughs, sputtering up some blood. The dark, viscous liquid spills from the corner of his mouth. His eyes are gazing past you, starting to cloud up. “I’m sorry,” he manages to groan out. His eyes roll back a bit, as his hand loses its grip on yours, suddenly turning his entire arm into dead weight.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Jisung shouts with urgency, digging underneath the seats in the vehicle, clearly looking for something - anything, really - to help him stabilize Christopher.

You feel paralyzed, holding on to Christopher’s hand as it grows clammy and lukewarm. This wasn’t happening, there’s no way. It had to have been a dream.

You were dreaming. Right?

After your shower the second night you were at Christopher’s, both of you were laying in bed in the dark, waiting to fall asleep. He had given you an oversized, worn t-shirt of his to sleep in, and it was comfortable. He had mentioned how much he loved sleeping in that shirt because it was so soft. It wasn’t long after you both got in bed that he reached out to you, snuggling right up to your back.

“Isn’t it the best shirt?” His voice was tired and calm. He rubbed his thumb back and forth on your shoulder, enjoying the feel of the fabric on his skin. You hummed in agreement, scooting yourself back into him to get closer. “I remember wearing this all the time when I was in high school. I would put it on right when I got home. It was always way more comfortable after wearing a stuffy, itchy uniform all day. It took a couple of years of wear to get it to be this soft. I’m glad I kept it, because you look really great in it, almost like it was meant to be.”

Your face felt like it was burning up as you became flustered. “What? Meant to be?”

Christopher sleepily hummed in response, nuzzling his face on your shoulder. “Yeah. Since we’re going to be stuck with each other for a while, we might as well at least enjoy our company. Make it feel as natural as we can, hmm?”

The prospect of getting closer to him didn’t bother you, not at all. After all, he did have a point. What would the point be in making yourselves miserable and trying to make the situation worse? Someone in university once told you that “fake it ’til you make it” mentality had actual positive results in psychology, so why not apply it here?

“Hey, Christopher?”

“What’s up?” His voice sounded even more tired and soft. In a way, it was endearing.

“Have you ever had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or something?”

“Mmm,” he sleepily moaned, “yeah, I dated this girl back in high school, but it never worked out. Kinda had a few flings with people here and there, but nothing ever stuck. I’m too flighty because of my career, so I can’t really commit. The fewer people you get close to, the fewer things you have to bargain for if someone wants to hurt you.”

“Oh,” you whisper. It made sense, honestly, but it felt like there was a pit in your stomach.

“How come? What about you?” He says, shifting himself up so his chin is resting at the top of your shoulder.

“Ah, that story about the washroom in the nightclub? That was my last boyfriend. We were together for a few years, but we split. He got some big new job that was taking up too much time for him, and I was really busy with my modelling career. We didn’t make time for each other.”

“That sucks.” Christopher says, his breath tickled your cheek as he spoke. “Good for me, though.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

The bright lights of the hospital rip you from your daydream. Jisung and Felix carry Christopher from the back seat of the van out through the side door. Your hand falls from Christopher’s, leaving his arm out to hang limply to his side, lifeless and cold. Changbin’s voice rings in your head, distant, off in another world. It’s like he’s on the shore and you’re stranded in the ocean; you can hear him, but you can barely make out what he’s saying. You can’t even fully comprehend it, just barely able to tell that he’s telling you to stay back, not to follow Christopher into the hospital.

Your legs are moving by themselves, shaking as you drop from the vehicle, treading your way through to the emergency doors of the hospital as if you were trying to wade through a shallow pool. Jisung’s silver hair and Felix’s blond hair bounce beams of light around, as if each strand were a mirror, brightly guiding you along the way through the hallways of the hospital, until they stop.

Hands are grasping on to your arms, holding you back as you see Christopher wheeled away by emergency personnel through a pair of sterile-looking doors. “Baby,” you hear Jisung’s voice bring you back to focus. “You can’t go with him. None of us can.”

You try to fight against him, to scream, to plead and sell your soul to the devil in exchange to save Christopher, but nothing works. Your body is rebelling against your mind, not allowing you to push yourself any further, forcing you to your knees. The only thing your body will let you do is cry, collapsing within yourself to weep deep, body-racking sobs.

Jisung kneels down to you, lightly gripping your shoulders, pulling you to his chest. “It’s okay,” he whispers into your ear, rocking you back and forth, trying to shush you. His hands run through your hair, trying to help you calm down.

“Felix,” he calmly says, “I need you to get Changbin-hyung. We need to get her out of here.”

“Understood, Han,” the younger man says, footsteps quickly fading from earshot.

“I need you to calm down,” Jisung’s voice is right up next to your ear, arms wrapping you into a tight embrace. “Christopher can’t heal if you’re panicking, okay? Please calm down, baby. He’ll be okay, I promise.”

He’s lying. There’s no way that he promise that, you know that in the back of your head. Nobody could promise that.

Regardless of if it’s true or not, it does make you feel somewhat better. It’s not enough to get you to stop crying, but it’s enough to allow you to catch your breath.

“That’s it,” you hear Jisung whisper into your ear. “We’ll get through this together. I’ve got you.”

You feel as if you’re glued to Jisung’s chest for an eternity. The sound of footsteps and Changbin’s voice grasps your attention and causes Jisung to shift behind you. As he moves, your entire body feels weighted down with lead, heavy and rendering you incapable of moving. You’re not sure when exactly you stopped crying, allowing the sinking, numbing feeling to take over you.

“Here,” Changbin’s hushed voice is close to you, and it sounds so soft and calm. “Give this to her. Half a gram. Should be enough until you both get to the safehouse in Incheon. There’s more there; I’m sure you’ll both need it.”

“You sure about this?” Jisung whispers, barely audible enough for you to hear it.

“I can’t have a scene here, Han. Not now.” Changbin quietly says, sighing and sounding beyond exhausted, “I’ll send you the specific location over text, just take the SUV we brought. I’ll have Seungmin take care of the rest later. Eventually.” Another deep, heavy sigh comes from him. “Shit, this is bad. First Hyunjin, now Chan. Fuck.”

“Alright, hyung. Understood.” Jisung says, bringing a hand in front of your face. He slips his fingers to your lips, a small object touching them. “Baby, I need you to trust me and take this. It’ll calm you down. Just leave it on your tongue until it’s gone, okay?”

You don’t really want to take whatever it is he’s offering, but you don’t have the energy to protest. You part your lips, sticking your tongue out just a bit to the foreign object, taking it in and allowing it to rest on your tongue. It starts to dissolve, a bitter flavour enveloping all of your tastebuds. As you open your mouth to protest leaving again, everything starts to get two-dimensional: muted and really heavy.

Jisung scoops you into his arms, and you somehow wriggle the limp pasta noodles you have for arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry for all of this,” he says; his voice sounding as if it’s coming through a low-quality mono channel, muffled and one-note. It doesn’t even sound real. It almost feels like his voice drags and blends in with the blurry surroundings, as if sound and sight could be merged.

You open your mouth to speak, but it’s like there’s a cord from your brain to your mouth that’s severed, preventing you from operating your jaw muscles. You want to tell him to stop, turn back, that you both needed to be there for Christopher. You desperately want to tell him so many things, but your eyes grow heavy and you lose all motivation to even try as your head collides down to his shoulder with a thud and everything goes black.

When you were fifteen, celebrating your acceptance into senior high school, you remember your mother pulling you aside, telling you to never settle for a partner that viewed you as less than royalty and to always put yourself first. She would tell you how she appreciated how hard your father worked to provide for the three of you, but how she always wished she would have gone back to the workforce when you started to get older so she could make sure you had all of the financial support you’d ever need and so she had more purpose in life. You were their only child, and your parents loved you so much.

You couldn’t help but wonder what your mother would think of you being caught up in the chaos of an organized crime ring, with two men caring for you and protecting you, one of which literally taking a bullet in front of your eyes. She never approved of you leaving your stable corporate job in Japan to become a model in South Korea, but she knew that there was no way to stop you - you had her stubbornness, after all. There was absolutely no way she would ever approve of this, not with how violent everything was, even if both men were actually willing to take actual bullets for you.

“Baby,” a voice rings in your ears, but you can’t quite place who is calling for you. It’s like your brain hallucinates a strange combination of your mother’s, Jisung’s, and Christopher’s voices. “You need to wake up.” The voice illuminates a light in the distance, drawing you into it.  “Come on,” the voice is louder now, sounding more and more like Christopher. That couldn’t be right. Could it?

“Baby, you gotta get up. I need you to get up.” A warm hand is on your shoulder, shaking you gently, and you’re suddenly more conscious of your body. You flutter your eyes open, their dryness causing a stinging pain from corner to corner of your eyes. The scenery around you starts to come into focus from a blur. The sky is warm as dawn is breaking behind you, illuminating the cars flying past you on both sides of the vehicle. You’re on a highway, but your surroundings aren’t familiar.

“Hey,” the voice is clear, and you recognize it: it’s Jisung. “You’re back. I’m sorry, the Xanax knocked you out pretty hard after I gave it to you. You’re probably going to be out of it and feel like shit for a while.” He moves his hand from your shoulder to your thigh.

You groan, turning your head to look at Jisung. “The fuck?” Your voice sounds foreign: low and gravelly. “Where are we?” As much as you want to crane your head to the window, resting your head against the headrest in this position is too comfortable.

Jisung takes his hand off of your thigh, swiping the back of his hand up against his cheek, sniffling once. “Sorry, bunny,” he says, returning his hand to your thigh. “Changbin-hyung ordered us to head into Incheon. There’s a safehouse out here. Actually, we’re just about there.”

You blink a few times, trying to shake the haze out of your head, and failing to do so. Incheon? No, that couldn’t be right. Christopher was still in Gangnam, all the way in Seoul. “No,” you slur out, fumbling to sit upright. “No, we can’t be in Incheon. Christopher is still in the hospital, isn’t he?”

“Baby,” Jisung grips your thigh tighter, stroking his thumb back and forth. “He won’t heal if we’re hovering over him. Besides, it’s too dangerous for all of us to be there with him. We’re a bigger target if we’re in a large group. We’re only a half hour away, it’s okay.”

“But,” you open your mouth to protest, and Jisung brings his hand up to your face.

“I need you to trust me. Please.” He doesn’t look at you, his eyes still trained to the road. He bites his lip back, face wincing in pain. “Fuck, I don’t know why I’m doing this.” You’re still fuzzy, frustrated that you’re so far away from Christopher in case something goes wrong, but seeing Jisung so upset doesn’t sit well with you either.

You sit there for a few minutes, watching Jisung in silence. He pulls the car into a residential parking garage. He stops in front of a gate at the bottom floor, fumbling around with storage unit in the centre console, pulling out a handful of cards. He shuffles through them with focus, until he pulls one out that has “Hagik-2” scribbled on it in permanent marker. He rolls the window down, flashing the card in front of the card reader, and the gate opens.

Jisung unceremoniously tosses the card on top of the others in the centre console, proceeding through the gate slowly and rolling up the window. He turns into a reserved parking spot, shifting the vehicle into park and turning it off. “We’re here. Are you going to be alright enough to stand?”

You unbuckle your seatbelt and rub your face tiredly, hoping it will wake you up. “I’m gonna need your help moving, but I think I can stand.”

“I can work with that,” Jisung says softly, unbuckling his seatbelt, lifting the armrest up, leaning over to you. He gently grabs either side of your face, tilting your head up to meet his for a soft kiss. “Let me be strong for you. Alright?”

You weakly nod your head, and Jisung pulls away. “Good,” he says, grabbing his phone off of the dashboard holder, opening the door. “Let me grab this bag and I’ll help you out of the car.” Everything feels so heavy, but your emotions are still dampened, which, honestly, is a good thing for now. You let your head rest on the seat, closing your eyes for just a moment.

What time was it, anyways? It was four when Changbin called, you remember Christopher grumbling about it very vividly. It was probably 40 minutes from where you were in Seoul to where you were in Incheon now, and the sun was already up over the horizon when you woke up. Maybe it was six now?

The door opens next to you, pulling you away from your thoughts as you open your eyes. “Trying to nap again?” Jisung says with a smirk, offering his hands to you, duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “Come on, once we get inside, you can sleep all you need to.”

Your brain blurs the time from exiting the vehicle to entering the safehouse. It’s almost as if you blinked, and you were on another foreign bed, staring up at the ceiling. Jisung’s voice trails in from the doorway, talking to someone on the phone. You don’t really focus on it, only paying attention for a brief moment when he says your name a couple of times.

You let your eyes close again, drifting off into the same headspace you were in before. It was insane to think that, just a few days ago, you were rolling around in bed with a stranger, having the time of your life. Now you were here, in some random apartment with your ex-boyfriend, who is maybe no longer your ex-boyfriend, with your maybe new boyfriend’s blood all over your hands and arms. Was boyfriend even a good word for either of them right now?

The situation was so absurd that, if you weren’t living through it now, you wouldn’t believe it; dismiss it as some stupid movie plot or some elaborate lie. Maybe you would laugh about it later, years down the line. You can hear yourself telling Jisung and Christopher, “Wow, remember that time we all slept together and then you got shot in the shoulder just a couple hours later? How crazy was that?” Minji would laugh about it too, once she got over the fact that you were knee-deep in crazy kkangpae shit. She’d laugh about it if you made it out alive. If you ever saw her again.

It doesn’t occur to you that you’re wildly cackling until Jisung is shaking you, yelling your name in your face. You snap your eyes open and look directly at him, feeling the smile on your face fade as you see Jisung looking at you with serious concern. “What is happening with you? How can you be laughing right now?” He says, tears welling up in eyes.

“Jisung,” you manage to coherently spit out, still feeling hazy from the Xanax Jisung gave you. “Isn’t all of this ridiculous? How was it that the three of us had such a good night last night, and now we’re being hunted down? Why is Christopher in the hospital with a bullet in his shoulder? Why is any of this shit happening?”

You don’t realize it until you stop babbling, but tears are falling from your eyes in a steady stream. Jisung jaw twitches as he furrows his brows in anguish. He tries to say something, strained noises leaving his throat, but the words never totally make it out. Something in him cracks, and his head sinks down, crying full-blown sobs. He collapses down on top of you, wrapping you tightly in his arms.

Both of you stay like that for a while, completely exhausting yourself from crying.

Jisung had always been a good person; he was kind-hearted and soft with the people he was close to, but would stop to help a stranger if they needed it. You started to notice it about a couple months after you officially started dating, a month after your initial drunken escapade. You were about to head back to Japan for two weeks for an important shoot for a big name company, excited that you had finally landed a gig with them.

He had surprised you the night before you left, coming to your apartment with some takeout, a bottle of cheap sparkling wine, and flowers. You remember he literally jumped on you when you opened your door, excitedly congratulating you. “I’m so proud of you, bunny!” He had shouted over and over again. He had helped you pack, both of you taking intermittent breaks to eat and sip on the really terrible wine he brought.

What would have taken you a half hour ended up taking you three hours because you couldn’t peel yourselves off of each other. You should have packed up your clothes and demo shots, but you just couldn’t stop yourself from pouncing on Jisung when he was sitting on the couch, looking positively delectable. Naturally, he couldn’t turn you down when you came on to him.

He had taken you right there on the couch, taking his sweet time to devote all of his attention on you, making sure you came a couple of times. When he was deep inside you, he grinned at you with a coy smile, something so innocent and cute, whispering to you that he loved you, he loved you so much. It had taken you aback, just how bluntly he had admitted it for the first time. His eyes were full of excitement, and he had the biggest grin on his face. You couldn’t help but tell him how much you loved him, too.

To see him here, now, so broken up and upset shattered your heart into pieces. The Jisung you knew would never have gotten involved in this, never would have hurt another living creature intentionally if he could avoid it. That’s likely why it looked like this entire situation took all of his energy out of him.

Jisung turns up to look at you with bloodshot, tired eyes. “Why is this happening?” He says, his eyes threatening to tear up again, then rolling onto his back. “I never wanted any of this, you know. I only joined the family to help get my music career going. If I knew any of this would happen, I never would have done this. I would go back and stop myself from getting involved with this, even if it cost me my entire career.”

He sighs heavily, bringing his hands up to cover his face. “I always thought that if I gave it time, I could become strong and tough like my hyungs. I regret doing all of this because I know I’m not tough enough for this. I didn’t do this because I wanted to, I did it to survive. Can you ever forgive me for all of this shit?”

Everything in your brain is frazzled and dull, but you somehow manage to turn all of your attention to the silver-haired man beside you. “Sungie,” you whisper, reaching out to touch his face, “I could never blame you for any of this. Nobody could have expected this would turn out the way it would. I promise, I forgive you.”

“I’m so sorry,” he says, wiping tears from under his eyes, “I said I would be strong for you, but I just can’t, not right now.”

You couldn’t really blame him, honestly. He wasn’t made out to be a part of the violent criminal life. As far as you knew, he was always good in the middle of chaos, but once things would calm down, it would hit him like a tonne of bricks. You reached out to Jisung, pulling him into your chest.

You wanted to reassure him that everything would be okay, but you knew better. There was no way you could even remotely promise something like that. So, you settled. “I’ll be strong for you now, okay? We can be strong for each other when we need to be.”

Jisung grips your arms tightly, snuggling his head up against your chest. “I’m so worried about Chan-hyung. I called Changbin-hyung after bringing you to bed and he told me he’s in surgery.” Your heart skips a beat for a moment, breath caught in your throat. “He lost a lot of blood. I think he said Chan-hyung went into shock. The bullet hit his, ah, what was it called? It was one of his arteries - I think he said axillary?”

“Did Changbin say if he was going to be okay?” You didn’t want to know the answer, fearing the worst possible outcome, but you needed to know anyway.

Jisung is quiet for a moment, loosening his grip on your arms. “He didn’t know. Changbin-hyung did say it wasn’t looking good, but we wouldn’t know for a while. He’s donating some of his blood, since they’re the same type, and he’d call me once he was done and knew more.”

You roll your head back and breathe out a slow, controlled sigh. This entire situation was an absolute mess. You needed to know, though, how this happened. Everything was going so blissfully well until it wasn’t. It all happened at the drop of a hat.

“Jisung,” you say, pulling back a bit from the man in your arms to look at him. “What happened out there? We were getting in the car, and all of a sudden, bullets were flying all over the place.”

Jisung looks up at you, a look of discomfort on his face. He lets go of your arms and sits up, folding his legs, resting his elbows on them so he could rest his head on his hands. “I don’t know how it happened. Before I grabbed the rifle from the duffel bag, I just saw these two guys coming at us from down the street. They were in all black, so when we saw them, it was too late. Their first few shots missed us, but Chan-hyung must have been an easy target. Maybe it was deliberate, like he was their target from the start.”

“Are the other guys, you know,” you pause, not really wanting to know the aftermath of the altercation, “are they dead?”

The silver-haired man reaches down to the comforter beneath him, inanely plucking a strand of string poking up from it. “Dunno. We shot quite a bit at them, and I saw one of the guys go down, but once I realized that Chan-hyung was hit, I just kind of stopped paying attention to them. I think Jeongin got the other guy; he’s always had good aim as long as he’s been with us. It was too dark to see much else.

“I hope they’re not dead. I’m already freaking the fuck out over knowing that we were in a gunfight and I shot at them. I don’t need anything else on my conscience.” Jisung quietly sighs, then turns to look at you, his face void of any strong emotions. “I never thought I’d ever have to shoot a living person. The guys taught me well, sure, but it’s so much more different than shooting in the range.”

You sit up and scoot  yourself up next to Jisung, resting your head on his shoulder. “I hope we’ll get through this alright.”

“We will." Jisung rests his head on yours, reaching his hand up to stroke your hair. “At least, I think we will.”

The two of you sit like that in silence for several minutes, staring off into the comforter as your eyes start to hallucinate patterns in the fabric.

The ringing of Jisung’s phone scares both of you, causing you to jump. You lift your head off of his shoulder as he pulls his phone out from his back pocket. You see the name on the screen and you subconsciously hold your breath. It was Changbin.

It takes a couple of rings before Jisung answers his phone. He pulls it up to his right ear so that you both can hear the conversation. “Hyung,” he says with a tremble in his voice.

“Han.” Changbin’s voice is calm, tinny from the small speaker. “Chan is going to be coming out of surgery within the next hour. Once he’s out, Seungmin will be covering for me. I need to come over and talk to you both about what Minho found out.”

“What happened?” Jisung says with a concerned tone to his voice.

“I can’t talk about it over the phone, it’s not safe. Felix is coming with me and will be staying with you for protection. Until this shit has been sorted out, nobody gets left alone.”

“But I’m here,” you interject.

Changbin sighs. “You’re not trained to handle this. Do you even know how to fire a gun?”

Your lips pull into a firm line. Changbin was right: there was nothing you could do to help, even if you wanted. You had no experience with weapons or combat in general; you would just be a hindrance if something happened.

“That’s what I thought. Anyway, as much as I don’t want him to be, Minho is back in. He’s with Hyunjin now, who is doing much better. He should be released tomorrow. They’ll be in another location once I can pin some things down.”

“What do you need me to do?” Jisung looks focused, sitting upright.

“I need you to stay there. Your ex-girlfriend is a liability right now and I can’t have her out of our hands, so I’m entrusting you to keep an eye on her. Tell her to turn her phone off, too.“

A liability?

Jisung must have had the same thought as you, because he looks at you in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Not now, Han. I need to go. I’ll keep you posted on any updates. If you need me, call me. Understood?” Changbin sounds annoyed and tired, even over the phone. All of this had to have been taking a toll on him, but he was the leader of the group, so it was just something he would have to deal with.

“Understood, Changbin-hyung.” Jisung says, and the line goes quiet. He pulls his phone away from his face and just stares at it. “Why are you a liability? Is it because you’re a civilian?”

In all honesty, you were just as confused as him. You flop onto your back and stare at the ceiling.

“Where’s your phone?” Jisung says, turning to you.

You reach into your back pocket and grab it. It was strange, you hadn’t been looking at it for the past day or so. Minji had texted you so many times, her messages flooded the screen when you expanded them.

Oh my god Hyunjin was shot

Eonni what the fuck do I do?

Oh my god he’s in the hospital. There’s a guy here that said I’m not allowed to see him.

Fuck this guy. He won’t leave me alone. Keeps telling me to get out.

I am so mad

Why the fuck did he get shot???

Eonni where are you? I don’t believe you at all

I know you’re not sick

You’re still with Bang Chan, arent you?

are you even alive anymore

I need you eonni please tell me youre ok

That was the last text you received from Minji. You open the text messages to respond and tell her you're alright, but Jisung snatches your phone from your hands, powering it off.

“Sorry,” he says, tossing your phone on the dresser next to him. “I gotta follow Changbin-hyung’s orders. There’s gotta be a reason he wanted your phone to be off.”

You frown in response, but understand. Minji will just have to wait for now, as much as you didn’t want to leave her alone. She had to be really scared and confused. Sure, she and Hyunjin weren’t together anymore (as far as you were aware, at least), but you knew from firsthand experience it was to watch someone you were starting to get close to get shot.

A deep sigh escapes your lips, and your bring your hands to your face, groaning in frustration. “This sucks,” is all you can manage to say. The Xanax was wearing off, and your emotions were starting to surface again, the crushing feeling of dread becoming more and more apparent, enveloping you in discomfort.

“Yeah,” Jisung flops down next to you. “I don’t know what to do or where to go from here.”

“Is this the first altercation you’ve been in since joining them?”

Jisung brings his hands behind his head and bites his lip. “Not really, but this is the first one that was actually serious. The first one was when I was taking care of a protection fee collection with Seungmin in Songpa-gu, back when I was still really new.

“Seungmin had gotten a call from Chan-hyung, so he had to step out for a minute. One guy that we were meeting with was feeling pretty testy, didn’t want to give up the entire payment that was due. I think he had a feeling I was new.” Jisung rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Tried taking it out on me. He practically jumped over the table as soon as Seungmin stepped out, but I was faster than him.

“His fist just barely passed my face and I managed to step to the side just in time. The guy managed to grab me and throw me to the ground. He punched me once, right in the jaw, so I kneed him in the stomach. My knife was in my back pocket, so I couldn’t reach it. I just let my instincts take over and I beat the shit outta the guy.”

Jisung smirks, obviously proud of how he handled the situation. “Anyway, Seungmin heard what was happening and when he came back in, he gave the dude a swift kick to the ribs. We ended up getting double the protection fee we needed, plus a little extra as an apology.”

“Holy shit,” you feel your jaw drop as Jisung finishes his recollection. “When the fuck did you learn how to get into a fight? Who are you?”

You both sit and stare at each other for a moment, then both of you break out into giggles. It was nice to be able to laugh for once today, after how hectic the past twelve hours have been.

“You know what?” Jisung says, taking in a deep breath, then making a pointed effort to stare directly into your eyes. “I don’t want to go through this at all, but I’m glad it’s with you. If it was just me here, alone, in this situation? I don’t know how I’d handle it.” He reaches out to your face, cupping your cheek in his hand. “I really hope Chan-hyung makes it out of here. I hope that we all make it out of this mess alive.”

You didn’t really know what to say as you looked into Jisung’s deep brown eyes. The otherworldliness of your plight melted away, if only for a moment, as you both stared at each other. The familiar feeling of waking up next to him for so many mornings is strangely close to the front of your memories, but it also feels so distant and foreign.

The Jisung you knew back then was so soft and gentle. This Jisung has his soft and gentle moments, but there was a new air of mystery to him. The new persona of his wasn’t bad, it was just such a stark difference to what you were used to. Seeing him so stoic and serious when you all were getting shot at and with taking care of Christopher was strange.

“What?” Jisung’s voice pulls you from your thoughts. “Something on my face?”

“No, nothing like that.” You look down and frown. “It’s just weird that you’re the same Jisung I knew a year ago, but you’ve also changed so much.”

There’s a tense pause between you for a moment.

“Is that bad?” Jisung says so quietly, it’s almost like a whisper. He’s obviously pensive about how you’ll respond to him.

“No, it’s just different. It’ll take some time to adjust to, that’s all.” You look back up to Jisung, and his face relaxes into a soft smile with your words.

“That’s good.” He stretches his arms into the air and rolls on to his back. “Well, since it’ll be a while until Changbin-hyung and Felix come by, I think I’m gonna take a nap.” He tilts his head in your direction and opens his arms in offering. “Come here.”

A faint smile comes up on your face, and you bring yourself close to Jisung, resting your head and your arm on his chest. “I think that sounds good. We didn’t get much sleep, did we?”

Jisung scoffs, wrapping his arms around you. “Yeah, we really didn’t. Who knows how much sleep we’ll get in the upcoming days, so might as well get it when we can.” He mindlessly strokes your hair, breathing in a slow, even cadence.

You let your eyes fall heavy, enjoying the warm embrace of Jisung’s arms. There was nothing more that you wanted, however, than to have Christopher here with you both.

“Han?” A voice comes from outside the bedroom, startling Jisung awake. He panics for a moment, clearly not recognizing the voice, bolting up off of the bed. “You didn’t answer your texts, so I let myself in.”

“Changbin-hyung?” He tentatively says, readying his stance.

“Yeah,” Changbin answers, walking into the bedroom. “you’d know if you checked your phone.”

“Ah,” Jisung relaxes and sighs. “Sorry, we were taking a nap. Didn’t get much sleep.”

Changbin shoots his junior a disappointed glance, then rolls his eyes to you. “Where’s your phone?”

“Hi, Changbin, nice to see you’re alive,” you sarcastically grumble as you sit upright. Changbin isn’t amused by your quip, his expression falling flat. “Sorry, it’s on the dresser over here.” You scoot over to the dresser was on Jisung’s side of the bed, and grab your phone.

Changbin wastes no time snatching your phone from you as soon as you grab it. He sticks his thumbs in the middle of the screen, pulling both ends together and popping your phone in two with a crinkle and snaps.

“What the fuck?” You shout in frustration. That wasn’t a cheap phone, and there was no reason for him to break it in two.

“You’re being tracked.” Changbin tosses your phone to the floor, stepping on it with his heel for good measure. He folds his arms and looks at you with a glare. “Or you’re working with them. I haven’t figured it out yet, but I will. If you’re working with them, I will kill you right here.”

“Hyung, what the fuck?” Jisung snaps, getting in between both of you. “How dare you?”

Changbin rolls his eyes and scoffs. “What? You haven’t talked to her in a year, what do you know?” He shifts his weight on to his right foot, eyeing you down again before pulling the pistol out from the holster on his hip, pointing it directly at your head.

“You need to be honest with me. I don’t miss from this close.”

[brokenbuttonsmusic]

Eleni Mandell: L.A. Singer-Songwriter with Smoky Chrissie Hynde Vocals and a flair for Tom Waits’ Influenced Experimentation

This post is a near- transcript of the Broken Buttons: Buried Treasure Music podcast (episode 5, side A). Here you’ll find the narration from the segment featuring the L.A. singer-songwriter, Eleni Mandell, along with links, videos, photos and references for the episode.

Listen to the full episode on Spotify, Apple, Anchor or Mixcloud.

Have you ever bought the wrong record? Like, you intended to buy something that sounded like one thing and you accidentally grab something that sounds very different. 

I don’t know if this happens anymore, but I believe it was quite common years ago. Imagine hearing an artist on the radio and being blown away. You go to the record store, find the plastic divider with the name of whom you’re looking for, but you can’t remember the name of the album, or even the song. Remember, you don’t have a tiny computer in your pocket. You’re too nervous to ask the store clerk for fear of looking stupid. So you roll the dice. 

“I know it was someone called Neil Young, but there are a thousand Neil Young records here.”

“Hey, this pink one looks cool.”

That exact scenario didn’t happen to me, but that album, Neil Young’s Everybody’s Rockin’, happened to be the most played Neil Young album in my house growing up, so for years I thought Neil Young was a rockabilly revival act. In reality, that was one of several oddball records Young released during a tumultuous period with his record label to fulfill his contract demands. I still love that record. 

Eleni Mandell did live out the scenario of buying the wrong record though. She shared the story during a segment of the show Bullseye with Jessie Thorn, where she describes seeing Tom Waits on MTV late at night—back when MTV still cared about music. It was either 120 minutes or IRS’ The Cutting Edge. This would have been around 1984 or 1985, so right around the time of Wait’s masterpiece Rain Dogs. When she went to the record store though, she picked up the 1976 Tom Waits’ Asylum release, Small Change instead. Now Small Change is still a great Tom Waits album, but it sounds nothing like the drastically reimagined sound and musical approach he had begun to employ starting with 1983’s Swordfishtrombones. Something Tom Waits called his “junkyard orchestral deviation.” The spare, off-kilter percussion. Moaning trombones and muted trumpets. Marimba. Plenty of marimba. Experimental instruments mixed in everywhere. Megaphones and CB radios. Trash can lids. 

This is the sound Eleni was looking for. 

Instead she got lush strings. Delicate piano. Cinematic swells and a melancholy wail. 

She got this.

Still awesome, but not the same. She credits the experience with changing her life. She grew to love both sides of the Tom Waits coin. The jazzy piano man in the smoky, whiskey-drenched nightclub and the eclectic, experimental carnival barker that she had her first encounter with on late night MTV. 

You can hear that deep appreciation and influence for the full Tom Waits spectrum injected and swirling through Eleni Mandell’s own spectacular catalog that spans more than 20 years now. 

She’s got plenty of experimental Waits, especially in her early catalog. 

And quite a bit of the jazzy nightclub vibe.

There’s also plenty of folk-y Eleni mixed in, and even some country.

You’ll notice that Eleni’s voice doesn’t sound like Tom Waits though. Did you notice that? It’s less of a deep, gravelly howl and more of rich Chrissie Hynde croon. Spin compared her to Chrissie Hynde and PJ Harvey. Rolling Stone compared her captivating melodies and witty lyricism to early Elvis Costello. 

While she doesn’t have the Tom Waits’ wail, she does specialize in his particular brand of character song-study. Like this first song we’re going to hear. The first track off of Eleni Mandell’s second album Thrill. Released in the year 2000. This is Pauline. 

Pauline, from Eleni Mandell’s second record, Thrill. So how did this remarkably unique singer-songwriter get her start and pull together so many interesting influences to create the sound we just heard.

Eleni grew up in the Sherman Oaks region of the San Fernando Valley, Los Angeles. She started playing music when she was just 5, beginning with the violin and then piano. Eleni didn’t love playing either, but continued to take lessons until she was thirteen. She remembers wanting to learn to write songs early on, but didn’t have the first idea of how to approach it, especially on violin. She jumped from violin and piano to guitar as a teenager. Her parents exposed her to a variety of musical styles. Her mom would take her to musicals and her dad, a serious record collector, played her Hoagy Carmichael and plenty of jazz standards. She loved the Beatles and remembers Diana Ross making an early impression. 

Another early life changing moment came when she discovered the Los Angeles punk band X.

X were huge in LA, and their first album (called Los Angeles) was the first record Eleni ever owned. Or maybe the first she asked to own. The first record she was ever given was Shaun Cassidy’s greatest hits for her 4th birthday. The first she ever purchased with her own money was X’s third release, Under the Big Black Sun. She tells a story of when she was out record shopping at a place called Aron’s Records, located on Melrose, and to her utter befuddlement came face to face with John Doe, lead singer of X. He was shopping for records too. She quickly snapped up a copy of the band’s third album and asked John to sign it. He did. She still has the signed album, which reads “Yours” complete with a big X “-John Doe.” That was the last autograph she ever asked for. It was not, however, the last time her path would cross with that of the band X. 

When she was a little bit older, she met Chuck E. Weiss, songwriter, rock n’ roller, beat poet and peculiar Tom Waits associate. Also the subject of the song, Chuck E.’s in Love.

Yes, that Chuck E. Weiss. Waits was in a relationship with Rickie Lee Jones. Waits, Jones and Weiss all lived at the seedy Tropicana Motel in Los Angeles. One day Weiss up and left out of nowhere. Some time later Chuck E. called the apartment where Jones and Waits were living. He explained to Waits that he had moved to Denver because he had fallen in love with a cousin there. Waits hung up the phone and announced to Jones, “Check E.’s in love. Rickie Lee Jones liked that so much that she it turned it into the song we just heard. 

Who is this episode about again? Oh, right. Eleni Mandell. Anyway, Eleni Mandell met THAT Chuck E. Weiss when she was not yet 21. Still, she had a friend who was able to get her into The Central, a Sunset Strip club that would later become The Viper Room. This would’ve been around 1990. Weiss was playing there every Monday. 

Here’s how the write up on Eleni’s original website describes her first encounter with Weiss.

“The first time she ever saw Chuck E. Weiss perform, he walked right up to her and smiled like a cross between The Cheshire Cat and an escaped mental patient. She met him a month later at Musso and Frank’s.”

Eleni says she was at the famous Hollywood restaurant and recognized Weiss. She worked up the courage to approach him and told him how much she loved his show. He asked if she wanted to accompany him to meet up with a friend at Canter’s Deli. She agreed. When they settled into one of the landmark eaterys iconic red, vinyl booths in walked her hero. Tom Waits. What a night. Tom asked Chuck how he and Eleni had met. 

“Hebrew school,” he declared. 

Here’s a tune from Eleni’s debut album, Wishbone, released in 1999. This is Sylvia. 

From Eleni Mandell’s first album, Wishbone, that was Sylvia. 

Under Chuck E. Weiss’ mentorship, produced by Jon Brion and self-financed by Mandell, Wishbone, as well as her next several records, received strong reviews and drew comparisons to Waits and PJ Harvey in style. 

Before Weiss mentored Mandell, he hired her as a door person at his club. She said he would test her to see how tough a door person she was by trying to grab money out of her hand. Weiss would continue to mentor Eleni over the years and they’re still friends to this day. 

For her fourth album, Mandell shook things up by diving into traditional country. A mix of covers and originals, 2003’s Country For True Lovers is an exciting update to her sound. And one of her life changing moments came full circle. Weiss introduced her to former X guitarist Tony Gilkyson, who produced the project. She also stacked the sessions with all star players, including Nels Cline from Wilco, and another X hero, drummer D.J. Bonebreak. 

Eleni continued to mix and mesh genres on her next release, 2004’s Afternoon. 

From the No Depression review of that album:

“Last years Country For True Lovers found Los Angeles chanteuse Eleni Mandell turning her sights on twang rather than her previous more PJ Harvey-oriented material, and she received plenty of critical acclaim in the process, sharing the LA Weekly 2003 songwriter of the year award with the late Elliot Smith.”

“On Afternoon, her fifth album, Mandell combines her love of various genres, including country, pop, jazz and rock, to stunning effect. Produced by Joshua Grange, who also lends his considerable talents on guitar, pedal steel, Hammond organ and piano, Afternoon mostly takes the slow and sexy approach. I’ve Been Fooled and Can’t You See Im Soulful give Mandell the chance to show off her breathy but passionate alto, which can devastate in a heartbeat.”

“Mandell does rock out from time to time, as on Easy On Your Way Out, which has a grungy Elvis Costello-gets-on-with-Liz Phair feel to it. I wanna be your afternoon/I want you coming back for more, Mandell sings on the sorta fun/sorta sad title song.”

She can also write catchy singles. Like this song from Afternoon, “Let’s Drive Away.”

That was Let’s Drive Away from Eleni Mandell’s fifth album, Afternoon, released in 2004. That song was also featured on the TV show, Weeds.

And here comes the challenging part of covering an artist like Eleni Mandell, who’s put out consistently solid albums for over two decades. There’s not enough time to feature all the good stuff she’s produced, but trust me, over her eleven albums, she always delivers. From the diverse shifting sounds of Artificial Fire [play clip] to the smooth and breezy Dark Lights Up [play clip], Eleni whirls a magical combination of jazz, folk, pop, country and rock, with just enough experimental twists to keep everything fresh. 

She’s also branched out from her solo artist gig to release two albums with her band The Grabs. The Grabs allows her to exercise more of her pop side and features Eleni on vocals, Blondie bassist Nigel Harrison, and Silversun Pickups’ drummer Elvira Gonzalez. 

And, she’s also released records with the Andrews Sisters inspired supergroup, The Living Sisters, with Inara George, Alex Lilly and Becky Stark.

I’d recommend checking out all of this. 

So now that we’ve established that the Eleni Mandell road is paved with the goods, let’s skip ahead to focus on her most recent album: 2019’s Wake Up Again.

Here’s what Eleni and her website have to say about the latest release: 

“For two years or thereabouts,” Mandell says, “I taught songwriting at two colleges and a women’s prison.”

The prison gig came about via Jail Guitar Doors, the organization founded by Wayne Kramer, guitarist of the vaunted Detroit band MC5, in partnership with English musician Billy Bragg. “I don’t know why exactly I was drawn to that work,” Mandell says. “But I had a family member who had been in prison in the 1940s. He wasn’t around when I was growing up, but that sort of fascinated me and I was always curious about what kind of person disappears and what kind of person commits crimes — what are they thinking?”

Working with the inmates also provided many epiphanies for her as a person, and proved fertile for her as an artist, as captured in the 11 songs on this album, her 11th studio release. In many ways it’s the culmination and fulfillment of all the strengths as a writer and performer going back to her start under the tutelage of Chuck E. Weiss, Tom Waits and other top chroniclers of people in the shadows.

“I really enjoyed it,” she says. “I was inspired by the stories, and surprised by the laughter I heard there. And I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was, by how many different kinds of people were there: teachers, lawyers, nurses, and also people who grew up in poverty.”

Here’s a song about one of the woman she met during those songwriting classes she taught. This is Evelyn.

Evelyn from Eleni Mandell’s most recent album, Wake Up Again. Another great addition to her expansive, impressive catalog. The album is filled with rich character studies and deeply personal self-examinations.

Her early Tom Waits inspiration continues to ignite and propel her, even after 11 albums. Only now she can call Tom a longtime friend. 

And she went from obsessive punk rock X fan to counting a member of X as a member of her own band. What a cool, thrilling ride she’s had so far. Eleni Mandell. 

References and other stuff:

Eleni interview with Luxury Wagers

Eleni interview with Mr. Bonzai

Eleni interview with Tyler Pollard on Timeline

The bio from Eleni’s current website has a great write up on her most recent album and I quote from it in the episode.

No Depression review of Afternoon that I quote in the episode

Here is the original bio from Eleni’s old website that is now archived. I also quote from this

Eleni has been featured on NPR segments over the years. I did not use anything directly from these, but they are good and informative

Pop Matter review of Dark Lights Up

Good L.A. Times article about Eleni teaching songwriting to female inmates and her latest album

[pinktintedmonocle]

Blue Is Not The Only Colour - A Red Dwarf FanFic - Chapter 3 - NFSW

Lister and Rimmer finally get down to business but the sex is somewhat hampered by the presence of Holly and the size of their bed.

Chapter 3: The Bunk

Lister strode purposely down the corridor, breathing deeply.  His heart was beating so fast that it felt as if it was attempting to escape from his body with all the desperation of a Tory MP trying to get away from a member of the working class.

When he got to the entrance to their quarters he took a final deep lungful of air.  He could do this, he could fix his relationship with Rimmer.  He had to fix it; the alternative of spending the rest of his life in a kind of cold war with the hologram, sharing nothing more than the occasional venomous look, was too painful to even think about.

Lister pressed the button on the wall and the doors slid open.  He took a few tentative steps into the room and paused by the table.  Rimmer was curled up in his bunk, his front facing the wall.

“Hey Rimmer”, he said softly.  “Are you asleep?”

“Yes.” Rimmer replied croakily.

Lister sighed.  “Come on, man, I just want to talk to you.”

The hologram huffed and turned over but pointedly avoided making eye contact with Lister.  “What do you want to talk about?”

“About us, Rimmer.  We need to talk about us.”

Rimmer snuffled and pulled the duvet cover up tighter around his chin.  “I don’t know what we’ve got left to talk about.  You’ve had your bit of fun at my expense.”

Lister frowned in confusion. “Fun at your – Rimmer, what are you on about?”

“Your big joke, Listy!” Rimmer spat back.  “I must say, it was a whopper!  Definitely a step up from your usual favourite gag of leaving one of your socks between the pages of Napoleon’s diaries so every time I pick it up for a spot of bedtime reading it flops onto my face like a tiny stink bomb.”

Lister just stared at the hologram.  “Rimmer, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Rimmer swung his legs over the side of the bed, stood up and strode over to the console by the door. He started pushing random buttons, eyes glued to the screen.  “Of course you do!  It’s the jape of the century.  Holly would be proud!  Convince poor sad Rimmer that you might actually return his pathetic feelings and ask him out on a date, only to feed him disgustingly flavoured food and then insult him until his leaves.  Hilarious! I’m surprised you’re not still crying with laughter about it!  I bet you had a good chuckle with Kryten and the Cat after I left.  I bet you were all slapping your thighs and howling with mirth.”

Lister’s mouth fell open in shock and it was a few seconds before he found he could speak again. “Oh Rimmer, you don’t really think it was all just a joke do you?”

Rimmer continued to pretend to work on the console.  “Of course! And how hysterical it was!  Side splitting, pant wetting levels of hilarity! Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got some work to do.”

“Rimmer, it wasn’t a joke!” exclaimed Lister.  “Do you really think I’d be that cruel, that heartless?”

Rimmer whirled around to face Lister, his features contorted in an ugly snarl.  “Why not?  I mean, you don’t actually like me do you?  Nobody really likes me.  Nobody ever has and nobody ever will so I would appreciate it if you could just stop pretending and sod off.”

“I’m not pretending!” Lister yelled.  “I love you Rimmer, I really do!  I feel the same about you as you feel about me, and I’m sorry our date was such a smegging disaster but I really think we can work this out if we just talk about it!”

Rimmer scoffed and crossed his arms defensively.  “I was on to you from the very start of this gag and I only turned up for that joke of a date to see how far you’d actually take it.  I don’t have any feelings for you Listy.  I don’t know where you got that idea from but I’m afraid you’re sorely mistaken miladdo!”

“I got it from you, Rimmer, just a minute ago!” countered Lister.  “You said that you thought I was trying to make you think I returned your pathetic feelings.  Except that they’re not pathetic and I do return them Rimmer!”

“Stop it!” screamed Rimmer, and Lister noticed that his bottom lip had started to tremble and his eyes had filled with tears.  “Stop giving me false hope!  Do you have any idea how painful this is for me, having you tell me that you love me and calling me your moon and holding my face like you did in the lift and asking me on pretend dates?  I can’t do this anymore Listy.  I know I’m already dead but it’s killing me, this constant cycle of making me feel wanted and then treating me like something you just scraped off the bottom of your boot after clomping around the diesel decks.  I can’t do it anymore, I can’t do it, I can’t-”

Rimmer’s rant was cut short by the sudden presence of Lister’s lips on his own.  Lister brought up a hand to gently cup the hologram’s face while he rested the other on Rimmer’s waist.  For several seconds Rimmer seemed to be frozen, his mouth not responding at all to the kiss.  Lister was just about to pull away when an arm snaked around his back and pulled his closer.  Rimmer’s lips parted to allow Lister’s tongue entrance to his mouth and they stumbled back, Lister’s arse colliding with the table.  Lister’s groan of pain quickly turned to pleasure as Rimmer deepened the kiss. The hologram spun Lister around and pressed him down into the lower bunk.  Lister could feel the beginning of Rimmer’s erection pressing into his thigh and the sensation made Lister’s own cock start to harden.

The kiss was desperate and messy and perfect; it was everything Lister had imagined it would be and more.  He hadn’t felt this happy since the day in the orphanage when he’d been told there was a family who wanted to adopt him.  He felt lightheaded and dizzy with what he initially thought was joy, but as his lungs started to ache he realised that it was more likely oxygen deprivation. He broke the kiss reluctantly, gasping for air.  He opened his eyes to find Rimmer staring at him in awed silence.  After a few deep breaths Lister’s face cracked into a wide grin. “Now do you believe me, Rimmer?”

Lister half expected the hologram to start shouting at him again, but instead Rimmer just nodded mutely before clearing his throat.  “Yes, well, I must say the evidence you have provided is quite convincing.  But are you sure?  Don’t you want to get to know each other a bit more before we take this any further?”

Lister rolled his eyes. “Rimmer, we’ve been getting to know each other for thirty years!  So just shut up and kiss me again, alright?”

“Alright” agreed Rimmer, and their lips glued themselves back together.  

As the kiss became more heated, Lister’s hands started to wander around Rimmer’s body.  He’d thought the hard light body felt good in the lift, but now that Rimmer was actually on top of him and they were touching all over, Rimmer’s body felt amazing. It was smooth and cool and that lovely low grade thrum of electrical current seemed to pulse in tandem with the beat of Lister’s heart.  As he trailed a hand down Rimmer’s slim waist he began to think about what Rimmer would look like naked.  He hadn’t seen his Rimmer nude since the psi-moon and that had been years before. Presumably the software that caused Rimmer’s face to age also affected the rest of him, and Lister found himself wondering exactly how Rimmer’s body would have changed.  As he contemplated this Lister allowed one of his hands to crawl slowly up Rimmer’s left thigh.  When he reached Rimmer’s groin he gently cupped his erection.  The hologram let out a small yelp and broke their kiss.

“You OK, Rimmer?” Lister asked.

“Yes, I’m fine – I - I just – look, can we just stop for a moment?” Rimmer stuttered.

After finally getting the object of his affection into bed after so many years the last thing Lister wanted to do was stop, but there was a look in Rimmer’s eyes that told him something was not quite right.  “Of course man”, he said.  

Rimmer rolled off Lister onto his side and propped his head up on one hand.  Lister followed suit and they lay nose to nose on the narrow bed.

“Look” said Rimmer, seeming more uncomfortable than a politician who had been tasked with having to read out a particularly large number on TV.  “It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you.  It’s just that I’m not entirely sure … how”.

Lister frowned.  “What do you mean?  Look, I know you haven’t had many partners but you have had sex before Rimmer.”

“Yes, but never with a man!” exclaimed Rimmer.  He looked down, clearly embarrassed.  “I don’t really know where to start.”

“Ok”, Lister replied slowly, trying to think of a way to put Rimmer at ease.  “How about you just think about how you like to be touched and then touch me like that?”

Rimmer took a deep breath. He mirrored Lister’s earlier move and rested his hand on Lister’s crotch.  Lister hummed his approval and Rimmer stroked Lister’s erection, softly at first and then a little firmer.  Lister gasped in pleasure and captured Rimmer’s lips in a deep kiss. As they kissed Lister put his own hand back on Rimmer’s crotch and lightly squeezed the hologram’s balls through his trousers.

“I think it’s time we took our clothes off.” Lister breathed.

“God yes.” Rimmer moaned. He scrunched his nose up in concentration and a split second later his uniform was gone.

“Smegging hell!” Lister exclaimed and let out a low whistle of approval.  Rimmer’s body was much as he remembered it; lean and muscular, toned to perfection after years of early morning star jumps and nervous pacing. There was a smattering of brown and grey hairs on his chest, a colour palette that was reflected in his pubic hair. Lister’s eyes widened as he stared at Rimmer’s cock.  Blimey, he thought, no wonder Ace got around so much.  

Rimmer cleared his throat. “Are you just going to gawk at me all night or are you going to remove your own clothes as well?”

Rimmer’s words snapped Lister out of his reverie.  He began to wiggle out of his own garments, a task made awkward by how close together they were in the narrow bunk.

“Give us a hand, would you?” Lister asked, his fingers fumbling as he tried to unbutton his shirt. “It’s not as easy for me as it is for you; I can’t just twitch my nose or snap my heels together and be instantly nude.”

“Right”, said Rimmer. He surveyed Lister’s body with the intensity of a general planning a complex battle strategy.  “You take the bottom half.  I’ll take the top.”

Lister nodded and shuffled out of his trousers while Rimmer made quick work of his shirt.  Soon he was down to just his pants, which he pulled off with a final flourish.  Rimmer leaned back in the bunk slightly and stared at Lister’s body.

For the first time since he’d kissed Rimmer Lister felt nervous.  He was aware that a diet of curry and beer combined with little exercise meant that he wasn’t exactly in great shape, or even in fairly OK shape.  In fact, the only shape he resembled these days was probably a circle.  As Rimmer continued to scrutinise him Lister braced himself for a crude remark so was surprised when Rimmer instead just said “You look amazing.”

Lister glanced down to check it was definitely his body that Rimmer was looking at.  “Really?” he asked.  “I mean, I’m flattered man, but your body is seriously incredible and mine is just, well-” he glanced down at his stomach and felt his cheeks redden. “A bit soft.”

Rimmer reached out and trailed a slender finger down Lister’s side, a sensation that made Lister shiver in anticipation.  “You’ve always been a bit soft.”

“Well, yeah”, Lister agreed with a grimace, “but I’m even softer than that these days.”

“I like it”, Rimmer replied. His hand skimmed down Lister’s hip and came to rest next to Lister’s cock.  “You’re gorgeous.  Just like I imagined you would be.”

“Come here, man”, Lister said breathlessly and captured Rimmer’s lips in his again before clambering on top of the hologram.  He started to grind against Rimmer, their cocks rubbing against each other.  

Rimmer let out a strangled gasp of pleasure and brought his hands up around Lister’s back to hold him closer but then quickly pulled back.  “Hang on; do we need to use protection?”

“Protection against what?” asked Lister.  “Look, I know I’ve gotten pregnant before but I think it’s pretty unlikely you’re going to get me up the duff.  A, you’re a man and B, you’re made entirely of light.  What would the baby be, a 40 watt bulb?”

“I didn’t mean pregnancy, Listy.  Look, I’ve never had sex with a human as a hologram.  I don’t know if it’s safe!  What if I ejaculate lightning and accidently fry you to a crisp?”

Lister looked down at Rimmer’s penis in alarm.  “Do you normally cum lightning?”

“Well, no” admitted Rimmer. “But you never know!  Perhaps we should use a condom.”

“Why?  If a seventy foot oak tree can be split in half by a single bolt of lightning then I don’t think a latex sheath has got much of a chance.” Lister deadpanned.  “Look, it’s fine!  Kochanski and her Lister had loads of sex and he was a hologram.  So it’s safe, alright?”

There was a polite cough from the corner of the room and both men turned their heads sharply to see Holly’s disembodied head floating on the screen.  “He’s right, you know.  It’s completely safe for a hologram and human to have unprotected sex.  No diseases can pass between them and when a hologram ejaculates nothing actually comes out.  It’s a bit like a radio play; it’s like being in the theatre but there’s bugger all to see.”

“Holly!” cried Lister. He rolled off Rimmer and clamped both of his hands to his nipples.  He realised, belatedly, that this meant his cock was still on full display.  Rimmer, apparently sensing his discomfort, used one of his own hands to cover Lister’s penis before using his other to cover one of his own nipples.  As a result they ended up in an even more compromising position than before. Lister quickly pulled the duvet cover over both of them.  “What the smeg do you think you’re doing?”

The computer seemed completely unfazed.  “Delivering important information to a crew member in order to validate a statement they’ve made.  Why, what are you two doing?  If it’s strip poker then I think both of you have lost.”

“Smeg off Holly!” Rimmer yelled, while Lister reached over the side of the bed and picked up one of his boots which he lobbed at the screen.  Holly ducked to the side as the boot hit the centre of the monitor, then turned to frown at the two occupants of the bed.  “Oi!  No need to get violent!  If you want me to leave you only have to ask politely.”

“Please leave, Holly” Lister asked through gritted teeth.

“See, that wasn’t so hard was it?” said Holly.  The monitor went black and Lister let out a long breath and flopped down, burying his face in the pillow.

“Gimboid!” Rimmer screeched at the screen.  “I’ll cut your floppy disk up into tiny pieces, cook them in tomato sauce and feed them to the skutters on Italian cuisine night!”

“Rimmer man, calm down! He’s gone now” said Lister.

Rimmer rolled onto his back and glared up at the underside of Lister’s bed.  After a few moments his anger abated and he puffed out his cheeks in frustration.

Lister threw the duvet off and ran a hand down Rimmer’s chest.  “Why don’t we just pick up where we left off?”

Rimmer grimaced and looked down at his softening cock.  “I’m afraid that goit has killed my arousal.”

“No worries”, said Lister, a wicked gleam in his eye.  “I know just how to fix that.”  Before Rimmer could say another word, Lister ducked his head down to the hologram’s groin and swallowed his penis whole.

Rimmer’s cock tasted like nothing Lister had ever experienced before.  It was a little like licking a battery, but without the sudden electric shock; instead the electricity felt warm and pleasant and ticked Lister’s tongue in a way that made his own erection, also a little deflated from Holly’s interruption, regain its hardness.  Lister dragged his tongue slowly up the shaft to the head before teasing the slit.

Beneath him, Rimmer whimpered as his hips bucked.  Lister grinned around Rimmer’s erection and cupped the hologram’s balls, squeezing them gently.  After a few minutes, Lister pulled back with a wet ‘pop’ and looked up at Rimmer.  The hologram had his eyes closed and his face was a picture of ecstasy.

“Are you enjoying that Rimmer?” Lister asked cheekily.  “’Cause you know, I can always stop if you’re not really in the mood anymore.”

Rimmer swore under his breath.  “Oh God, that feels amazing.  Don’t you dare stop, you goit.”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet”, said Lister before taking Rimmer’s cock back into his mouth.

Although Lister had generally favoured women before the accident that had left him stranded three million years into deep space, there had been a few cases where a good looking guy had turned his head.   One memorable man had introduced him to a particularly pleasurable move that had resulted in one of the most intense orgasms of Lister’s life, a technique that he now demonstrated on Rimmer.

Rimmer gave a strangled cry. “Oh God!  I don’t think I’m going to last much longer” he said breathlessly. A few more deep sucks from Lister later and Rimmer came, his whole body shaking.  Lister let go of Rimmer’s cock and pulled himself up the bed so they were lying face to face.

Rimmer stared at Lister with more love in his eyes than the Cat had when gazing at his favourite suits. Lister, already panting with arousal, felt the breath catch in his chest.

“Wow, Listy.  That was, that was…” Rimmer frowned, as if struggling to find the right words.  “…good” he finished lamely.

Lister laughed. “Thanks man.  It’s been a while so I’ll take ‘good’.  And you’re still here, you haven’t run off to re-arrange your wire collection or order a pizza, so it couldn’t have been that bad.”

“N-No!” Rimmer stuttered. “Look, I didn’t mean ‘good’ as in ‘fine’.  It’s just that I couldn’t find the right words!  Because it was better than good, Listy, it was great, it was-”

Lister clamped a hand over the hologram’s mouth.  “I know what you meant, Rimmer.  I was only teasing.  It was more than good for me too.”

Lister was half expecting a snarky comment when he removed his hand, but instead Rimmer just smiled widely and leaned in to kiss him again.  Smegging hell, he thought as Rimmer’s tongue tickled the back of his throat, if all it takes to mellow out Rimmer is a blow job we should have done this three million years ago.  Lister’s erection brushed against Rimmer’s thigh, and the hologram pulled back in surprise.

“Oh!  I almost forgot you haven’t…um, let me-” Rimmer tried to get on his knees and manoeuvre down the bunk to Lister’s crotch, but just ended up banging his head on the bottom of Lister’s bunk.

“Smeg!” yelped Rimmer, before he tried again and promptly kicked Lister in the knee.

“Ow!” Lister cried.  

“Right, sorry!” blustered Rimmer.  “Let me try again.”

This time one of Rimmer’s legs collided painfully with Lister’s left ankle.  Lister grabbed Rimmer before the hologram could hobble him further and pulled him back down so they were lying nose to nose again.

“Just use your hands Rimmer, OK?  We’ll try the other stuff next time when we’re in a bigger bed.”

“Alright”, Rimmer agreed a little petulantly, but he still took Lister in hand.  He fumbled a little at first, but soon got into a rhythm and worked Lister’s cock with cool, hard strokes.  

Lister lost himself in the sensation, enjoying the tingle of Rimmer’s fingers.  When he came he came hard, seaman splattering against his own stomach and Rimmer’s hands.

As Lister recovered, Rimmer eyed him nervously.  “Was that OK?”

“No Rimmer, it wasn’t OK.” Lister replied.  Just as Rimmer’s face crumpled Lister grinned so wide he thought his cheeks might split.  “It was fan-smegging-tastic.”  He buried his face in the hologram’s neck, laughing deliriously.

“You’re a goit, you know that?” grumbled Rimmer, voice a little muffled by Lister’s embrace.

Lister pulled back, still beaming.  “And you’re a smeghead, Rimmer.  But I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

They kissed again, slowly and languidly.  When they separated, Rimmer’s nose wrinkled as he took in the sticky sheets.

“I think we may have to move.  You’ve soiled my bedspread.”

“Alright” agreed Lister. He got up reluctantly, swigging his legs over the side of the bed and hauling himself a little stiffly to his feet. “I’ll take a shower then we’ll sleep in my bunk tonight.”

Rimmer wrinkled his nose. “On second thoughts, I think I’d rather sleep in spunk than in day old puddles of vindaloo!”

“Hey!” Lister protested. “My bed is a curry free zone!”

Rimmer raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes!” Lister said defensively.  “Kryten changed the sheets this morning so the curry is all gone!”

Rimmer rolled his eyes. “You’re a disgusting slob of a human being, you know that Listy?”

“Yeah”, Lister agreed with another grin, “but you love me anyway.”

Rimmer sighed deeply. “Yes”, he said, “I do.”

**********************************************************************************

Later, as they lay spooning in Lister’s bunk, Rimmer ran a hand down Lister’s arm.  It seemed insane that he could just touch Lister whenever he wanted.  He still half expected Lister to turn around at any minute and reveal that it had all been a joke, then shout ‘Got you!” while Kryten and the Cat sprang out from a secret hiding place and pointed at him and laughed.  But with every moment that passed it seemed a little more real, a little more solid.

“Listy?” he said softy.

“Mmmm?”

“Earlier you said something about a bigger bed.  What did you mean?”

Lister yawned.  “Well, it doesn’t make sense does it, us sleeping separately now that we’re together?  And it seems pointless for us to share a bunk when the Captain’s quarters has an empty queen sized bed.”

“You want to move into a room where we share a bed?  Like, on a permanent basis?  Are you sure?”  Rimmer shifted uncomfortably.  “I just mean, I don’t want to rush into anything you might come to regret.”

Lister rolled over and cupped Rimmer’s cheek with his hand.  “Rimmer, I know you’ve had a smeggy time in the past with relationships, but I promise that I’m never going to leave you.  I love you, and I want to sleep in your arms every night and I’m not ever going to change my mind about that, OK?”

If Rimmer had a heart, it may have burst with happiness at Lister’s words.  Instead he just nodded, trying to fight back the happy tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks.

And that night, for the first time in his life, Arnold Judas Rimmer (Bsc, Ssc) fell asleep with a smile on his face and not a care in the world.

[dipulb3]

Rotating speakers on Vizio's Elevate soundbar aren't just a gimmick

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/rotating-speakers-on-vizios-elevate-soundbar-arent-just-a-gimmick/

Rotating speakers on Vizio's Elevate soundbar aren't just a gimmick

Ty Pendlebury/CNET

Soundbars capable of reproducing the atmospheric effects of Dolby Atmos soundtracks have been around since 2016, but until now they haven’t been very innovative. To work well, Atmos devices need extra speakers to reproduce those height effects, and usually they’re small, static drivers aimed at the ceiling. The Vizio Elevate costs a bundle but it tries something radically new: motorized speakers that rise up and revolve according to whether you’re listening to music or a compatible movie. The craziest part is, it actually works!

Like

Motorized speakers work well.

Excellent sound for movies and music.

Plenty of connections

Includes rears and wireless sub.

Don’t Like

Not as easy to use as Sonos Arc

No Apple AirPlay support

Somewhat short surround cables

The Vizio Elevate is expensive for a soundbar, but Atmos bars in general have always tended toward the high end. The Samsung HW-Q950T comes close in terms of specification but that system is also $1,700. The Sonos Arc ($799 at Sonos, Inc.) offers the simplicity of a single bar and includes a voice assistant, but it doesn’t sound as good as the Vizio. With its moving speakers, the Vizio Elevate really is its own animal.

Newbies beware however: The Vizio Elevate’s manual setup can be complicated and isn’t helped by the confusing remote. Some users may also find the wired surround speakers a pain depending on where they choose to place the subwoofer — the cables are probably too short for large rooms.

The rotating speakers reek of gimmickry, but in practice they work well, adding oomph to music and spaciousness to true Atmos soundtracks. If you don’t mind plunking down the money for a fully featured, great-sounding soundbar, the Vizio Elevate is a very serious contender. If the Elevate is too rich for your blood, however, the Vizio SB36512 is our Editors’ Choice winner and an excellent alternative at less than half the price.

Build quality: A step above

Ty Pendlebury/CNET

The Vizio Elevate is a 5.1.4 soundbar which offers compatibility with both immersive standards: Dolby Atmos and DTS:X. In addition to the main speaker itself, the Elevate’s setup includes rears, a large subwoofer and a remote. If you wanted to deck out the Arc with a similar array of speakers, namely the Sonos Sub and two Symfonisk for the rear channels, it would cost about $1,700.

The Vizio Elevate may be a plastic soundbar at heart but its design is… ahem… elevated. The main bar feels sturdy and comes in a two-tone finish — part thick vinyl wrap and part gun-metal aluminum. This is a big speaker at 48 inches wide and a table-swallowing 6.5 inches deep. The ends are covered in a matte-black material, which makes it hard to see the matte-black controls, but the raised buttons are actually easier to use by touch. The front of the soundbar includes a colored LED that makes it relatively simple to tell which input you are on, as well as a white LED level meter.

The main speaker features a whopping 13 drivers, including a dedicated center channel and 5 tweeters in total. The swiveling speakers are situated at each end and rotate when the system detects a Dolby Atmos/DTS:X signal, revealing the Atmos logo on one side and DTS:X on the other. 

Ty Pendlebury/CNET

The subwoofer is one of the largest I’ve seen on any system, measuring 11 inches wide by 14 inches deep and 16 inches high. The rear speakers feature both forward-facing and upward-firing drivers and are tethered to the sub by a 30-foot cable (the connection between the soundbar and the sub is wireless). The cable was long enough to drape behind my couch and along the side of the living space to the sub at the front, but the length could be an issue for some installations. 

Vizio claims the system is capable of 107 decibels, and I did find it was quite loud, so no worries about filling even the largest living spaces. The Elevate includes a wall-mount bracket in the box (BYO screws, however), and Vizio designed the bar to mate seamlessly with the Vizio OLED TV.

A mountain of features

Connectivity is excellent with two separate HDMI inputs, as well as a third, labeled “HDMI Out,” which supports eARC. There’s also an optical digital input, a 3.5mm analog audio and a 3.5mm “voice assistant” input, USB and Bluetooth. The Elevate connects to your network via Wi-Fi and supports Spotify Connect and Chromecast built-in. Unlike the Arc, it lacks Apple AirPlay support but its physical connectivity is far better than the Arc’s.

Ty Pendlebury/CNET

The Elevate also lacks a built-in voice assistant, found on the Arc and other soundbars, but I don’t see this as a major disadvantage. Using Alexa or Google Assistant on a soundbar can be annoying as the volume will mute if it hears the wake word, which means you could miss some of your show. If you want to use a voice assistant to listen to music through the Elevate it’s easy to set the soundbar up as the default speaker for an inexpensive Google or Echo speaker nearby.

Ty Pendlebury/CNET

The remote looks like the ones that come with cheaper Vizio soundbars but differs in two important aspects. There’s an LCD display at the top, and four buttons which help with setup at the bottom. Having both Effect and EQ options is a little confusing because they perform very similar tasks, and navigating menus via the different buttons takes a little getting used to.

Adjusting the volume of the subwoofer was easy enough with the Level button but not everything was intuitive, and you will need to know to download the Vizio SmartCast app to complete the setup of Wi-Fi, for example. I also had some issues updating the firmware from the website, but Vizio told me it was because one of the files was misnamed and assured me it was now fixed.

In comparison the Sonos Arc was a simple pleasure to use, install and update, although that speaker’s setup does heavily favor iPhone ($599 at Apple) users — Sonos’ TruPlay calibration app is not available on Android. I had some issues with the Arc initially and these were helped by using TruPlay (on an iPad ($385 at eBay)).

High and mighty sound

The Elevate is twice the price of the existing SB36512, but you can’t expect twice the performance. I was unable to test the two models side-by-side, but in my experience there are always diminishing returns when going from an excellent, affordable speaker to a much more expensive one. 

For these tests I compared the Elevate side-by-side against the Sonos Arc, because the two are roughly the same price. The Vizio acquitted itself very quickly with authoritative sound quality across all kinds of material. Unlike the Arc, which performs better at home theater than music, the Elevate was equally capable with both — a rare feat among soundbars.

I started my tests with music, Radiohead’s My Iron Lung to be precise, and I found that the Arc wasn’t quite as accomplished as the Vizio. The Arc played the song at a remove, slightly boxy and distant. By fiddling with the EQ I was able to improve definition to the percussion, but Thom York still gave the impression he was phoning it in. The Vizio was the opposite, lively and punchy thanks to that subwoofer. It wasn’t quite perfect, though, as I needed to back off the treble a little, but much more listenable overall.

I moved to something more ethereal with Yulunga (Spirit Dance) by Dead Can Dance, and the Arc improved somewhat, with a crispness and presence in the stereo shaker eggs for example, even if it wasn’t able to dig deep on the larger drums. The Vizio’s authority was evident from the first few bars of the song. Lisa Gerrard’s voice floated free of the speakers, and the string accompaniment was easier to hear. The sub was able to let the drums and gong sounds fully resonate in my testing room.

I moved to movies and TV next, starting with the infamous egg-stealing Chapter 10 of The Mandalorian. The episode features a chase scene through clouds and an inevitable canyon run (it wouldn’t be Star Wars if you couldn’t flip your ship vertically or had to contend with guard rails on gang planks). During this scene the Arc was able to convey a real sense of height as the Razor Crest descended into the frosty planet’s atmosphere, pursued by two X-wing fighters.

As lovely as the Arc sounded, it was the Vizio’s dedicated rears and sub which really helped anchor the action. The Elevate’s surround effects were much more pinpoint and the metallic thud of the ship as it skidded across the floor of the icy canyon sounded impactful and scary. It didn’t have the same vertiginous feeling of height as the Arc however.

The sub and rears again helped the Vizio convey a sense of space in my next test, the Thanator chase scene from Avatar. Insects buzzed around the listening position, dialogue was clear and explosions bombastic. In comparison with the Arc, it could occasionally send an insect-like click to my right that made me think the Elevate’s rears were somehow still working, but the sense of surround was much less palpable.

The revolution starts here

Are revolving, motorized speakers going to become a trend? Probably not. The up-firing speakers of the Vizio Elevate add some impact when in stereo mode it’s not really enough to justify a potential moving-part weak point down the road. 

The Elevate may not be as easy to use as the Arc, but it’s the better performer, and that’s really what matters. The Vizio soundbar is also a better value, due to its enhanced connectivity and dedicated subs and rears. The Vizio SB36512 still offers the best value of any Atmos soundbar I’ve tested, but if you want an upgrade, the nifty Elevate is a more refined and home-theater-ready speaker.

[btsfanficss]

Stay Professional! Pt. 12

Work AU! Fluff, Angst and smut: Jungkook x Reader

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 (Part 13 will be a continuation!)

Summary: You realise that you still have feelings for Jungkook despite his actions. You can’t help but melt and swoon under his charms- but you were still acting stubborn. When will you finally admit that you’re under his spell?

A/N: Honestly had a rough time writing this chapter- had to squeeze out the limited inspo I seemed to have so forgive me if it took long but regardless, enjoy the story! As always, responses would be appreciated! 

The blinding sunlight seeped through the white mesh curtains and you grumbled at the realisation of having to wake up. You turned around so that your back was facing the bright light and cuddled your blanket closer to your chest. You didn’t want to wake up to another day. You didn’t want to face your current problems of... Jungkook! 

Your eyes shot open and you sat up immediately, reminded of last night’s affectionate cuddles you knew you shouldn’t have enjoyed so much. You looked over your shoulder and to your surprise, he was nowhere to be seen. Instead, your eyes rested on the sight of neatly folded blankets on the floor mattress he supposedly ‘slept’ on last night. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion as you rubbed your eyes to wake yourself up. 

You carelessly threw on a bathrobe for extra warmth during the chilly morning and shuffled towards the kitchen to get yourself a glass of water. 

“Thank you for letting me stay the night. I can’t thank you enough for giving me a chance to express my apologies.” You stopped your shuffled footsteps and shifted your ear closer to the doorframe. It was childish to eavesdrop, but you physically couldn’t stop yourself from doing so. 

“It’s fine dear. I just hope I made the right choice.” Your mother’s quiet giggle sounded mute as you were listening through the door that connected the hallway to the kitchen. 

“I guarantee you that you did. I will take care of Y/N no matter what. I can give you my word, ma’am. I know that to you that might not sound convincing because I know I’ve made some pretty dumb and selfish decisions but... would you allow me to be selfish once more and let me love Y/N?” Jungkook’s soft morning voice sent chills down your spine. Was it the way that his voice sounded so irresistibly sultry in the mornings? Or his sweet words that had you practically melting by the doorframe. 

“I’ll do it right this time.” Jungkook chuckled and you couldn’t help but smile at the sweet sound. 

“Jungkook dear, I don’t know much about you at all. And for a fact, I can’t make any reliable judgements about you from just what she’s told me and from what I’ve seen from you. But I have a good feeling that what you’re proposing to me is sincere. I’m deciding to trust my instincts so please don’t let me down. Don’t let her down.” 

“You have my word, ma’am.” 

“Good morning.” You walked in on their quite intimate conversation about you with a straight face, although you were full of glee inside from Jungkook’s charming words. 

“Morning” Jungkook smiled radiantly as his small dimple made an appearance. You had to pretend as though he didn’t just give you a small heart attack from that unexpected cuteness so early in the morning so you managed to maintain that straight face, just barely. 

“What’s for breakfast?” You rummaged through the shelves in search of a cup and your mother immediately got up from her seat. 

“Oh I haven’t thought about that yet. What would you like?” She asked and you replied a little late from drinking water. 

“Anything, mum. Is there anything you want to eat, Jungkook?” You casually murmured as you put the cup in the sink and Jungkook’s eyes lit up at your sudden acknowledgment of his existence. He looked a little taken aback but you could tell that he could hardly contain his glee. 

“I don’t mind anything. In fact, why don’t I make breakfast for you? It’s not everyday that I get to cook so I’d love to.” Jungkook suggested and you could hear the inner child resonate in his alluring voice. 

“That sounds like a good idea. I don’t have to do anything then~” Your mother whistled as she walked past you and pat your bum as a signal of her departure. 

“I’m thinking pancakes.” Jungkook decided and you nodded at his proposition. You handed him an apron that you’d taken out from a drawer and also got one out for yourself. You put the apron on and you were still trying to digest the fact that- Jeon Jungkook.. rode all the way from Seoul to your hometown (which was about 4 hours drive) in an attempt to appease you. Note that he wasn’t just anybody. He was powerful, wealthy.. he was beyond successful and words couldn’t possibly describe his beauty. 

You took out all the required ingredients and the whole time, you could feel his stare never leave you. 

“Shall we start?” You squeaked and fell quiet under his lasting stare. You’d noticed that since his conversation with your mother, you hadn’t been able to maintain any form of eye-contact with him. And he’d noticed that too but he didn’t think much of it.

In fact, Jungkook loved it when you were noticeably shy and awkward around him. It only further fed his inflated ego that was considerably handsome- only because of that signature smirk that complimented his attractive facial features. 

You knew that you were being soft but you couldn’t help it.. He looked so terribly cute- his gaze fixed on the mixing bowl in front of him as he diligently stirred using his beautiful hands that worked to swirl and stir the mixture. His veiny hands and arms were beautifully evident as he was only wearing the same black t-shirt underneath the apron. He looked so effortlessly handsome.. was it stupid to think that he looked good in a bloody apron? 

“You’re terrible at mixing.” You broke the silent atmosphere with a sarcastic tone and Jungkook immediately chuckled at your bitter comment. 

Jungkook stopped his mixing and noticed how the flour spilt onto the counter and on his apron, too. You took the bowl from him and momentarily brushed his hand in order to get the spatula off of him. His smile had noticeably brightened as you weren’t avoiding him or yelling at him, for the first time in quite some time. He questioned if you’d finally started to forgive him. 

Jungkook could only stare and watch you with a dumb smile on his face. Although he should’ve been taking note of the mixture, he couldn’t peel his gaze off your face; making your cheeks turn a shade of rosy crimson.

“Why did you offer to cook if you were bad at it?” You queried and he shrugged his broad shoulders.

“I thought you’d find it cute.” He seductively mumbled in a husky voice as he shuffled closer to you. Surprisingly, you didn’t move away. You pretended to brush away his clinginess but you couldn’t possibly concentrate on what you were doing with his face so close to yours. 

You could feel him breathe and your hands were getting so clammy. 

“The gesture is cute but I don’t think you’re capable of actually doing it if you can’t even mix batter properly.” You let out a giggle and Jungkook suddenly rested his head upon your shoulder. And God, his scent. How can a person’s hair smell that divine?

He let out a content sigh and you could tell he was smiling from the way that he murmured. “God I haven’t heard that angelic sound in forever.” 

 You simply tried your best to pretend like him being so close wasn’t driving you insane and ignored his loving actions. At that point, Jungkook was beyond ecstatic that you weren’t pushing him away. Even though you didn’t say a single word back, he was just happy that he wasn’t rejected. 

The two of you stayed in that position for some time and then out of the blue, Jungkook placed a small kiss onto your shoulder before shuffling away to set up the table. “I can’t mess this up.” He winked and the double-meaning seemed to hit you a little unexpectedly. 

The two of you, along with your mother were happily enjoying and talking whilst eating some ordinary tasting pancakes when a sudden 'bzz’ broke the conversation. “So sorry. May I?” Jungkook asked and reached for his phone that was vibrating against the wooden dining table. Your mother quickly nodded and you continued to eat your breakfast.

He took in a large breath and exhaled deeply before pressing on the green button to accept the call. 

“JEON JUNGKOOK!!!” 

Yelled a familiar voice on the other line. Jungkook immediately scrunched his face in disapproval from the loud yell and moved the phone away from his face. 

“Where in the world are you?! Do you know how worried I am? How can you possibly think that running away from your responsibilities is going to fix anything?!” Jungkook’s mother shouted at the top of her lungs. She was speaking so loud that Jungkook had to check if he’d put the call on speaker mode but it wasn’t. She was just yelling that loud. 

Jungkook swallowed the lump that’d formed in his throat and blurted out whatever sounded appropriate. 

“I’m alive, don’t worry. I listened to your advice and I’m not giving up on Y/N.” He rasped and she stopped yelling for a little while. You could hear the deep breaths that she was taking and Jungkook was visibly terrified of what was going to happen to him next. 

“Darling.” His mother exhaled. “It’s great that you haven’t given up but did you really have to leave without telling anyone about where you were going or what you were planning to do?!” She raised her voice again near the end of her sentence and Jungkook was once again forced to peel the phone away from his ear. 

“I’m sorry I’m sorry. I know it was a rash and rather.. quick decision on my behalf but what you told me really spoke to me. I needed to see Y/N- I was going crazy in that office.” Jungkook defended himself although it felt like he had no rights to. 

“Then at least tell me that you’re going to bloody disappear from the face of Earth for 2 days! Do you know how hectic the office is right now? It might as well be on fire!” His mother cursed and you could feel a giggle bubble up in your throat. You’d never thought that you’d live to see Jeon Jungkook getting lectured like a 5 year old. 

“I can only imagine.. and I’m sorry for that but mum everything is okay now. I think-” 

“-you THINK? Boy! I didn’t raise you to be like this! Don’t come home until you’re sure of yourself! Bloody hell Jungkook I’m too old for your carelessness. You better have a reasonable excuse for me when you come home young man!” 

Jungkook just swallowed loudly and before anything could escape from his dry lips, she’d hung up on him within a flash leaving the atmosphere a little awkward from the beeping of his phone after the call. 

Jungkook stayed seated, wide eyed at the fact that his mother had just yelled at him as though it was her last day alive. Jungkook had never seen his mother that angry before. To be fair, she was kind of right. He probably should’ve told her before he randomly ran away but he didn’t want to risk the answer of ‘no’ so he just left.   

“I suppose not telling people where you’re going seems to be your talent.” You remarked and he swiftly kicked you from underneath the table. “Ow!” You screamed, eyebrows furrowed and Jungkook just plastered a fake smile in which your mother laughed at his childish behaviour. 

Another phone call comes in and you return the fake smile to Jungkook. Except this time, it’s your phone and Jungkook pointed that out. You rolled your eyes and flipped your phone over to see who it was. 

“Jimin?” 

“Now it’s your turn.” Jungkook licked his lips and poked on the inside of his cheek with his tongue which made him look so cocky. But goodness, so damn sexy. 

You picked up quickly and before you could say anything, Jimin started to yell. 

“Y/N! Holy shit thank god you picked up! Is Jungkook with you right now?!” Jimin’s voice squeaked a little since it was really straining on his vocal chords.

“Yeah he’s here.” You replied and Jimin let out the biggest sigh of relief. 

“Jesus, that boy is so unpredictable. I didn’t think that he was dumb enough to run away and drive to your place which is a fucking 4 and a half hours drive from here!” Jimin shouted and you were just relieved that the yelling wasn’t directed at you.  

“Hey! I can hear you!” Jungkook interrupted and Jimin immediately started lecturing him. 

“Jeon Jungkook. You listen here kid! You better get your dumb ass back to Seoul this. INSTANT!” Jimin slammed his fist down on his poor table with rage that burned his insides from the sudden sound of JK’s voice.

“You know that I’m responsible for you and you know that what you did was incomprehensibly stupid so let’s just save both of us the time and come back to the office before your mother beheads me.” Jimin growled and Jungkook just rolled his eyes. This wasn’t the first time that Jimin was lecturing him- for Jungkook, hearing Jimin’s scolding was a day-to-day ‘blessing’. 

“Hyung calm down. Mum already yelled at me I don’t need you to rain on my sunshine too!” 

“You deserve more than to be yelled at, kid! I’m going to destroy your limited edition Iron Man figurines. Don’t think that I don’t know where you hid them. Why do you have to make my life so damn hard?” Jimin whined and Jungkook gulped at his threat and you couldn’t help but chuckle. 

Seriously? Iron Man figurines? How old was he again? 

“Don’t you dare touch them--” 

“--If I don’t see you in my office in the next 5 hours, I’m going to start by melting your favourite one.” Jimin barked before hanging up on Jungkook. 

You bursted out laughing and Jungkook bolted out of the kitchen to hurriedly throw on his black leather jacket. You had tears pricking in the corner of your eyes and your mother seemed pretty amused too. The definition of quality entertainment was listening to Jungkook get lectured by his higher-ups. 

“Thank you so much for having me. As you can tell, I should probably get going.” Jungkook bowed to your mother and gave her a quick unexpected hug before turning to you and momentarily freezing. 

You were still giggling at the fact that he had a collection of Iron Man figurines. 

“Yeah you should go, Jungkook. Wouldn’t want your figurines to catch on fire.” You teased and couldn’t help but laugh aloud loudly. Your laugh became muted by the sudden sensation of Jungkook’s body enveloping yours in a tight embrace. 

“Yeah you keep that smile on, sweetheart. I’ll see you in a few days I hope.” He swiftly planted a kiss on the top of your head before bolting out to the garage, leaving you in a state of daze from his overflowing and addictive affection. 

Once again, you were greeted by that worn out and dusty looking welcome mat underneath your feet. You turned the rusty key and opened the door wide before grunting due to the struggle of pulling the heavy suitcase inside. Somehow, you managed to do it. You whistled to yourself as you slowly started to unpack your clothes. You were in a good mood. Perhaps it was from Jungkook’s cheesiness- there really wasn’t any other reason. 

You put on the radio and started to put your clothes back on the hangers, occasionally swaying your hips to the beat and lip syncing passionately to the hit songs. Some time passes and you were completely in your own little world and you hadn’t been in that good of a mood since you were Jungkook’s assistant. 

“Hey there.” A deep and airy chuckle had you scream in fright and freeze on the spot. 

You stopped your dancing and almost dropped the jacket in your hands due to being scared half to death. There stood Jungkook, leaning on your doorframe with an attractive smirk smoothened across his features. He was wearing one of his usual, deadly expensive suits that was matched with a skinny black tie that sat neatly around his neck. It’d been some time since his tie had been that neat. 

“Jesus! Don’t do that!” You yelled and threw the jacket at Jungkook whom had easily caught it single handed. 

“How long have you been standing there?” You asked with a noticeable blush on your cheeks. How embarrassing! 

“Only been here for 5 minutes I swear. Although I wish it was longer--” He started to neatly fold your jacket that were in his hands and you found it impossible to look away from his smile that radiated happiness. 

“Why didn’t you say something? God I’m so embarrassed.” You continued to sort out your clothes and Jungkook just chuckled again. 

“I don’t understand how you can be so cute and sexy at the same time, sweetheart.” Jungkook purred, an irresistible sultry twist in his suddenly deep voice. You could feel yourself melting into his words but you quickly snapped out of his trance. 

“What do you want, Kook?” You folded your arms and pretended that your red face wasn’t because of him. The unfamiliar nickname just happened to slip out, you didn’t think much of it but his ears immediately perked up at the sound of it.

“Since when did you start calling me that?” He said with a raised eyebrow and an even bigger smirk before casually grabbing another t-shirt from your luggage to fold.

“Ok then let me rephrase. What do you want, Sir Jeon?” You still had your arms crossed and emphasised on his title that symbolised your gap in social status between the two of you. 

“I think I like Kook better.” He laughed. “I heard from Jimin hyung that you were coming back today so I wanted to surprise you.” Jungkook’s smile looked blinding to your eyes. He was so radiant and bright. Was he really the same person from your initial encounter? 

“Well good job you surprised me half to death.” You chuckled and Jungkook swooned over the sound it. “No but really, what do you want?” You asked with a tinge of seriousness in your voice and he found it slightly seductive. 

“I want to take you out.” You raised your eyebrow again at his proposition. “To dinner.” He said with a small smile and you seriously contemplated it. Your silence fed his insecurity so he felt the need to justify himself. 

“I know this really good Italian place that’s close by. You’ll love it for sure. They have the most amazing Risotto and the Tiramisu is mind-blowing.” A wave of silence coated your apartment with a sudden tense atmosphere.

“Jungkook, isn’t it too early?” You blurted out and you could see his smile falter. 

“I mean.. I still don’t know how I feel about associating myself with you because you shattered my trust previously and--”

“--If you’re not willing to give me the chance to build up that trust again, you’re right, there really isn’t any point in me doing this.” He sighed and you felt your heart suddenly weigh a tonne within your chest. 

“But Y/N, I’m serious this time. We both know that I’m not the type of person to desperately cling onto one person.. Shouldn’t my efforts so far go a little bit noticed?” He gazed at you with a glint in his eyes and you flinched at his words. 

You knew that you wanted to yell out YES in his face as soon as he asked you but statistically speaking, was it the correct thing to do? This wasn’t a game that he could play for his entertainment. Although that was his intention at first, that’d obviously changed for Jungkook as he’d gotten so attached to you. Your heart was on the line and you were hesitating betting on it again. 

“I know you’re serious..” You exhaled a deep breath and mustered up the courage to be completely honest. “But if I were to suddenly pretend like none of it happened... I don’t think I’d have any pride left in myself.” 

“I’m not asking for you to pretend like I didn’t fuck up. I know I did... I’m asking for you to give one more chance.” He pleaded and his voice sounded barely audible. 

“And if you mess up again?” 

“I’ll leave you alone. I’ll pretend like I didn’t just let go the love of my life.” A fire burned within him and you could see it through his eyes. He was determined to prove to you that he was being dead serious. 

“Those are some pretty powerful words Jungkook.” You sighed and loosened your tense shoulders. 

“And I can’t wait to prove them.” He smiled again and a sense of relief washed over you. 

“You can’t throw those words around carelessly.” You lectured and he stepped over close to you until he towered over your small frame. You’d always forgotten just how tall he really was. 

“I’m not. Just let me show you that.” Jungkook gentle grasped onto your hand and spun you around so that you were directly facing the full body mirror that sat in the corner of your room. He stepped closer towards you so that his chest was pressed up against your back and he kissed your cheek swiftly. 

Goodness, was that boy smooth. He stayed in that back hug position until your soul came back to your body and you coughed at the reflection of him staring back at the mirror with a pleading smile. 

You rolled your eyes and just let out a loud exhale.

“I guess since I haven’t had dinner yet..” You reasoned and Jungkook’s eyes lit up as bright as the sun. His face creased in the cutest way possible due to his growing smile.

You turned around and faced him properly with seriousness drawn over your eyebrows. 

“But.” You interrupted his silent victory which consisted of him fist bumping the air. 

“I don’t want to go to that fancy place you have in mind. I’m thinking a little more casual--”

“--I don’t mind anything, sweetheart. We can go anywhere you want. I’m just glad you’re finally giving me a chance.” He gave you another smooch, this time on the forehead and you giggled at the warm sensation. 

“But I don’t think we can go anywhere casual with what you’re wearing.” You laughed and pointed at his expensive black suit that matched his shiny aquila dress shoes.

“I can go get changed! I’ll get changed and I’ll come back. It won’t take long I promise.” He said eagerly and you beamed at his clinginess. 

“Then that gives me some time to get ready.” 

“So it’s a date?” Jungkook said through his bunny smile and it was impossibly contagious. 

Before you could reply he just took the answer as a yes and embraced you in a tight quick hug before rushing out the door. He looked like a child on a sugar rush and it certainly didn’t fit that professional outfit but it was oddly charming, as always. 

You heard a steady rhythm of knocks on your wooden front door and you rushed over quickly. The door creaked when you opened it wide and the first thing you saw was that gorgeous grin on Jungkook’s face. 

“So where did you want to go?” He asked in an unusual sing-song voice. You were still trying to process how bloody attractive he looked in casual clothing that you stuttered answering his question. 

“I-I was thinking just a regular diner around here.” You took note of how his dark navy bomber seriously complimented his glowing tan skin. He was also wearing black skinnies that perfectly contrasted his new white sneakers. He had an oversized white t-shirt underneath and his bomber looked almost satin under your warm doorstep lighting.

“I know I look good, baby girl. You can stop drooling now~” He sung in an arrogant tone as you playfully hit his arm in response of his charming cockiness. 

“But I don’t look nearly as good as you. God, you look stunning.” He cooed and you noticed his slow scan of your outfit top to bottom. He seemed to be really loving the light blue denim jacket you carelessly threw over the top of a casual black body con dress that was faintly seductive due to the leg slit that cut up to 1/2 of your thigh. Coincidentally, you were also wearing a pair of white sneakers- his just seemed a lot more new. 

“Enough cheese Jungkook. I’m too hungry to think of witty comebacks.” You laughed and locked the door behind you with the rusty key he’d noticed. 

“You’re right I’m hungry too. I’ll drive and you tell me the directions, okay?” He queried as he started to make his way down the stairs. 

“Sounds good.” You hummed and made sure to be cautious since it was late evening, it was getting hard to see. 

When the two of you reached ground floor by foot (since there wasn’t an elevator), you immediately reminisced of the recent past as soon as you saw Jungkook’s jet-black Porsche parked neatly in the worn-down carpark. You knew that he was indeed rich but you could never fully process just how rich he really was and you’d constantly be bombarded with these situations in which you were reminded of the different lifestyles the two of you led.

He unlocked the car with a quick click of his car-keys and the Porsche headlights flashed in response. He walked a little faster than you just so he could open the door for you and you were once again reminded of that night he drove you home from work. Back then, you were his personal assistant and that was the night he’d first called you, “baby”- which left you confused with frustration and eternal butterflies. 

He quickly started up the car and drove safely to the destination with your guidance. The two of you sat across each other in the dimly lit diner that served just barely above average food but somehow, the flavours seemed to taste more bold and evident. Perhaps it was due to his company that you could indulge in such mediocre food. It was the same case for Jungkook and he found it impossible to look away from you the whole time he was sat down. 

After dinner, you shared the large bowl of ice-cream with him and the conversation was airy and playful until Jungkook felt the need to make another confession. 

“You know, Y/N.” He smiled before eating another spoonful of chocolate ice-cream. You hummed in curiosity as his voice had suddenly turned much softer.

“Thank you for giving my another chance.” You stayed silent at his statement as it felt severely and suddenly awkward. 

“Just to clarify though, I wasn’t playing with your feelings at all. It may have looked like it- especially since you bumped into Yujung and I...” Jungkook’s lips suddenly turned cold and dry, must similar to the inside of your throat. 

“You know what I mean.. I sincerely thought you’d never forgive me after that conference so I just did whatever with Yujung. I wasn’t thinking at all- mainly because I’d lost my ability to think after you left me for Jimin. You should’ve seen the mess that you made me into.” He chuckled in hopes of lifting the now very serious atmosphere you dreaded. 

“I admit.. I was caught up in the moment and I wasn’t actually planning on leaving.” You confessed and Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed immediately. 

“If only I’d kept my mouth shut and my ego at bay, none of this would’ve happened so I apologise on my part.” You sighed and let the words come out naturally. 

“I’m sorry too. For everything, really. I should’ve told you back in Santorini that I had to leave. I shouldn’t have overreacted when I found out about Jimin’s job offer and I’m sorry that I was a douchebag for behaving the way I did regarding Yujung. She doesn’t mean anything to me at all I swear.” You continued to stare at the ice-cream that sat in front of you and noticed how it began to melt.

“But you on the other hand.” Jungkook whistled and stretched out his arms before he slouched deeper into the couch-like chair. “I don’t think you know what affect you have on me. I’ve never felt so attached or... alive, really until I met you.” He stuffed another spoonful of ice-cream into his mouth and you couldn’t help but smile a little at his words that were sweeter than the dessert. 

“I just want you to know that I’m completely serious about you. Please trust me on that.” Jungkook pleaded and you nodded, finally accepting him once again for real.

“On a side note--” You scooped up a small chunk of the cold dessert. “It looks like you’ve made up with Jimin. You’d also started calling him ‘hyung’... and not sarcastically too which is new..” You questioned and Jungkook just chuckled. 

“Yeah we made up pretty quickly. He threw me a punch to the face so I did the kind deed and returned the favour.” He laughed casually and you immediately found yourself lost in his bewildering statement. 

“He punched you?” Your voice squeaked a little from shock. 

“I did deserve it, let’s be real. But yeah he’d never punched me before so it was kind of eye-opening.” He said in a fascinated voice. 

“I don’t understand how that’s making up.”

“We were completely fine after that. He punched me and then yelled at me and then we were all good to be honest.” He confessed and just shrugged his shoulders as though the situation was no big deal.

Of course it was a big deal, they punched each other. 

“So you managed to save those Iron Man figurines?” You wriggled your eyebrows and teased him with a playful giggle. Jungkook frowned and called you out for you inconsideration. 

“Hey you know those figurines are limited edition. There’s only 5 in the whole world and I happen to own only 3.” He grumbled and you laughed at his rather childish side. 

“I tried buying the other 2 off this stashed and spoilt Russian kid but he refused no matter how much I offered him.” He rolled his eyes and you bursted out in another fit of giggles as Jungkook sounded legitimately annoyed.

“But isn’t that kid basically you? Stashed and spoilt.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t deny that.” Jungkook licked his lips and you felt a heat rise up to your cheeks from his suggestive body language. 

Jungkook drove you home and it was well past bedtime. It was around 11:30 pm due to the never-ending conversation the two of you had at the diner. He walked you up the stairs and struggled to not stare at your ass whilst doing so. When you arrived at the doorstep, you could see the hesitation in Jungkook’s eyes before he embraced you with a tight and quick hug that felt more fit for a friend rather than a person of his romantic interest. You respected his action either way, you also didn’t want to rush it. 

But who knew how long Jungkook or you would be able to control yourselves around each other.

A/N: And that is a suggestive teaser for what I have in store coming up in the future chapters! Be ready, loves. 

It’s finally here! Be warned, it’s explicit.

[sumukhcomedy]

The Merits of the Virtual Stand-Up Comedy Show

When the NBA announced it was suspending its season on March 11, it became very apparent that live events involving crowds were going on hold in America. This put the state of so many businesses including stand-up comedy in disarray. Stand-up comedy relies on audiences, large groups, and live interaction: three things that were now suspended as a result of COVID-19 prevention. Roy Wood Jr. wrote very well about what the impact of that would potentially be very soon after comedy clubs began to make the decision to temporarily close.

I’ve been a stand-up comedian for over 13 years now. For the same amount of time, I’ve also worked a job in an office. For the past 4 years, that job has allowed me to work from home. So, the circumstances we find ourselves in now are not that far off from what my existence has been except now that my experience performing live comedy is hampered. As COVID-19 prevention took a stronghold, I began to see more virtual stand-up comedy shows pop up via Twitch and Zoom. As someone who works from home and often pushes aside requests from co-workers to tell a joke in virtual meetings, this idea sounded horrible.

                            My initial reaction to virtual comedy shows

But, as I’ve written before, to do well in comedy and in life we must be open-minded to changes. I decided to attend Jackie Kashian’s Zoom show on Thursday night. Jackie’s a friend, I respect and enjoy her comedy a lot, the lineup was great, and so it was the right choice to me to first experience of the merger of my two worlds of office and stand-up comedy. Could a high quality stand-up comedy show translate to the world of virtual meetings?

The first 15 minutes of the event battled with technical issues which was understandable given this was the first time any of the performers were organizing or doing such a thing let alone the over 200 audience members (participants). This was particularly hilarious to me, someone who has seen technical issues come up in virtual meetings in my office with 9 or less people. So, you can only imagine how humorous it was with some 250 people. Audience members didn’t mute themselves. Some kept their video on. We could hear heavy breathing. We could hear people’s laughter being too loud over the comedians. Someone was even on their phone during the beginning of the show. But, once that was corralled with a mass mute of the audience, what progressed was a really great show that revealed some actually advantageous qualities to going virtual with stand-up.

The show, for comedy purposes, was of course highly entertaining. Wendy Liebman, Kyle Clark, Laurie Kilmartin, and Jackie are all great comedians so not only was the material awesome but it was also great to see each take different approaches to presenting stand-up via such a medium.

The perfect formula for a virtual comedy show appears to be to mute all audience members except for the comedians and perhaps some select “reliable” audience members (by “reliable,” I mean that you’re going to just laugh and not heckle). By leaving a select few unmuted, it allows for the necessary amount and sound of laughter that provides the normalcy and comfort of stand-up comedy for both the comedians and the audience.

By having a mute button as well, it allows for a completely new kind of crowd control. Hecklers are not at the whim of comedians or of club bouncers. They have to deal with technology and their mouths are forced shut from the beginning. In a way, this is actually an upgrade from the live experience when it comes to crowd control and allowing all audience members to enjoy the show. It also doesn’t take away from those muted being able to “table talk” if they really wanted to.

But what I liked the most may have been the totally new interactive experience for stand-up comedy with a chat feature. The chat doesn’t bother the comedian or those watching. It allows the audience to still bring in the camaraderie of if they were bunched up together in a comedy club and laughing. However, it’s unique in that each audience member can express themselves in different ways by writing in the chat “hahahaha,” “lol,” or “that is a great joke.” It is immediate feedback and camaraderie in a new but still positive way for stand-up comedy. It brought out what I think makes “live tweeting” of a sporting event or a presidential debate so enjoyable. All of a sudden now, through the virtual comedy event, stand-up comedy has its own form of “live tweeting.”

We have no concept currently of where the venues of stand-up comedy will be at once we can return to normalcy following “stay-at-home” orders. But the alternative of virtual stand-up comedy does remain a possibility. The virtual show provides more control to the actual performer and organizer. Though, now the performer/organizer is at the mercy of technology as opposed to the venue “gatekeepers.” The issues that have been brought up by comedians about clubs and our industry from poor pay to harassment to incomprehensible booking could be upended by the combination of COVID-19 and this new virtual approach. Comedians do not want to lose our venues especially the good ones but perhaps what is occurring right now will weed out the discriminatory and mismanaged ones.

Much like everything in comedy, the virtual stand-up comedy show is ready to become overdone. In the wrong hands, it will be a stupid concept presented in a stupid manner just like many live comedy shows can be. But, in the right hands, like with Jackie’s show, it can deliver successfully for its comedians and its audience.

I’m intrigued by the virtual comedy show. In a way, it’s the same setup as live stand-up comedy but with different wrinkles in organization. If there’s quality command of the technological side (and if Zoom can get over its security issues) of the virtual meeting and the organizers do the roles effectively that a comedy club would but with technology, then it can work. And, as I mentioned before, it brings a unique, interactive experience for the audience that an in-person comedy show just can’t do.

There’s a lot to still be figured out with life and society in general let alone with something as seemingly silly as entertainment, live events, and stand-up comedy. But for someone who thought this idea was horrible when he first saw it popping up, I actually was able to see its positives when being an audience member. That’s what makes creativity and innovation in even the toughest times so worthwhile. But, for a guy who has spent his life separating his comedy existence from his office/work existence, pardon me for still finding it uncomfortable and frightening to see comedians on platforms created for business meetings. I wasn’t expecting a future where “dick jokes” would be told at the same place as complex conversations on legal agreements, but this is where we’re at and I have to be the one to get over it.

[infotainmentplus-blog]

Huawei P20 Pro review: The Galaxy S9 killer 40MP, the world’s first triple camera, 5X Hybrid Zoom, artificial intelligence in all the ways, and the most unique color on any smartphone ever. These are just some of the features Huawei is hoping will make you check out its new flagship, the Huawei P20 Pro. This isn’t the first 40MP smartphone — Nokia had the 808 PureView and Lumia 1020 in 2012 and 2013, respectively — but this is the first time we’ve seen such numbers on an Android smartphone. We crowned last year’s Huawei flagship Mate 10 Pro as the best smartphone of 2017, but does the P20 Pro pick up where its sibling left off? With the standards set by smartphones like the Samsung Galaxy S9 Plus and Google Pixel 2 XL, Huawei has a fight on its hands. Let’s find out how it stacks up in our full Huawei P20 Pro review. Kris and I have both been using the Huawei P20 Pro for about two weeks since the phone was announced in Paris. The software is still in beta, and we’re running build number 8.1.0.106 (SP9C432), with the 1 March 2018 security patch. Above you’ll find the video review, where Kris mostly focuses on the camera, while in this written review, I’ve also expanded on other areas of the phone. Although we do have the P20 as well, this review focuses on the flagship P20 Pro, and references parts of the P20 experience where applicable. Show More Design The Huawei P20 Pro borrows several design cues from the iPhone X, with a vertical camera placement on the back and notch atop the screen. It stands out with three cameras and the unique twilight color, which awakens everyone’s inner wish for a real-life unicorn. Whatever your palate, Huawei has a P20 color for you. There are four or five colors depending on which model you choose, with the regular P20 coming in a champagne gold color that’s not available with the Pro. For the P20 Pro, Huawei offers black, a majestic midnight blue, and pink gold. The twilight color offers a new kind of color gradient — it actually shimmers in the light. The pink gold version also has a gradient, but its range is much more muted. Whatever your palate, Huawei probably has a P20 color for you. Beneath the screen is Huawei’s fingerprint sensor, which is flat, wide, and allows you to unlock your phone while it’s laying face up on a table. I’m normally a bigger fan of Huawei’s rear-mounted fingerprint sensors thanks to their added support for summoning the notification shade, but the P20 Pro’s scanner is still fast and reliable and supports gesture controls for navigation. The power and volume keys on the right offer nice feedback and the power button has a nice accent color. The bottom houses a speaker, microphone, and USB Type-C port. There’s no headphone jack, but an adapter comes in the box. I’m not an audiophile so I usually pick convenience over function, so I’m fine with Bluetooth audio. It’s the easiest solution and the P20 Pro works well enough in this regard. The back of the P20 Pro in twilight is stunning. It’s my favorite smartphone color ever. Despite that, the glass back feels fragile, and I kept mine inside Huawei’s official black rubber silicon case — hiding the glorious color. The camera bump at the top left has a lot of sensors, though it hides them well. The laser for the autofocus is hidden inside the black bit in the middle of the main camera module. The flash also contains a color temperature module. It’s a clever design from Huawei, and gives the appearance of things happening by magic, which fits with how AI comes into play throughout the phone. The P20 Pro brings a different design language to previous P-series devices, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It looks stunning, feels great in the hand and helps the phone establish an identity of its own. Display The P20 Pro offers a 6.1-inch AMOLED display with a rather awkward 18.7:9 aspect ratio. That extra 0.7 is due to the notch. Let’s get this out of the way: I’ve used the iPhone X for months and after a while, the notch just doesn’t matter. More phones are adopting the notch design, and you’ll have to get used to it eventually. If you really hate it, you can also turn it off on the P20 Pro, rounding the corners and turning off the extra pixels for a more standard-looking experience. The P20 Pro’s got a great panel, offering the vibrant blacks and deep colors all AMOLED panels do. The biggest issue for me is the resolution. Like with the Mate 10 Pro, Huawei opted for a Full HD+ panel. Huawei CBG CEO Richard Yu has told us several times the company chooses Full HD+ over Quad HD+ due to battery life concerns, but there’s likely another reason. Considering how the Mate 10 Pro also had a Full HD+ display, it seems Huawei saves a few features for its luxury flagship. On top of the better fingerprint sensor position, the Mate RS has a Quad HD+ AMOLED panel. We put the P20 Pro through its paces in our testing lab and it’s bright — very bright. Its top brightness of 600 nits under bright lights bests the Galaxy S9 by 26 percent, which achieves just 475 nits. Most surprising, the LCD display on the P20 is actually 23 percent brighter than its Pro counterpart, albeit with a cooler display. The P20 Pro achieves a color temperature of 7,212 Kelvin. The P20 is 9 percent cooler at 7,841 Kelvin. After testing Samsung’s latest flagships, we found Huawei’s displays are set to be about 200K warmer than the Galaxy S9s. Samsung is known for having the best displays, but the AMOLED panel on the P20 Pro is up there as one of the best on a smartphone. It’s a pleasure to use and ticks all the right boxes. The eye comfort mode works really well. Despite only being a Full HD+ display, it’s fantastic for anything you throw at it. As always, there’s a bevy of color-tuning options in the settings if you don’t like the look out of the box. Performance The P20 Pro is packed full of the hardware we’ve come to expect from a flagship Huawei device. It’s powered by HiSilicon’s Kirin 970 chipset and, like the Mate 10 Pro, has a lot of AI features thanks to the built-in NPU. It’s backed by 6GB of RAM and 128GB of storage, alongside the Mali-G72 MP12 which handles most tasks well. The GPU isn’t quite on par with the Adreno 630 in the Snapdragon 845 on the Galaxy S9, but it held its own in our testing. The regular P20 drops the RAM to 4GB, which doesn’t have too much effect on performance, at least according to the benchmark scores. The P20 Pro beats the best flagships of 2017, including the Mate 10 Pro and OnePlus 5T, but the Galaxy S9 produces results from another world. A large part of this is likely to be the Snapdragon 845 CPU, as the Galaxy S9 results are on par with our initial testing on Qualcomm’s latest processor. The P20 Pro’s benchmark performance is great right now, but it’ll likely be bested many times in the coming months. A lot of devices are going to launch with the Snapdragon 845, so we’ll have to wait until Huawei’s next Mate device to see how good its 2018 performance can get. These benchmarks show how good the performance of the Snapdragon 845 is. Like our initial benchmark scores, the Snapdragon 845 sets a new standard for AnTuTu performance. The Kirin 970 inside the P20 Pro is significantly better than the same processor inside the Mate 10 Pro (which scored 178466), but as a generation older, the Kirin 970 can’t keep up with the Snapdragon 845. These two benchmarks show that while there is a gap between the performance scores of the Snapdragon 845 and the Kirin 970, it’s a smaller difference than it has been in previous years. In particular, the Mali G72 GPU inside the Kirin 970 is close to the performance of Qualcomm’s Adreno 630 GPU, and this is reflected in actual usage of both devices. In day-to-day usage, the P20 Pro never misses a beat. The phone is fast regardless of what you throw at it. 6GB of RAM usually results in about 2.5GB to 3.5GB of free RAM at any given time. I’ve yet to see the phone stutter at all, even with a lot of apps running in the background. Huawei claims the AI allows it to remain fast over a longer period compared to other flagships, but we’ll need a longer time with the P20 Pro to confirm if this is true. Hardware Porsche Design Mate RS… in red! The P20 Pro doesn’t have expandable storage. If 128GB isn’t enough for you, Huawei hopes you’ll spring for the Porsche Design Mate RS, which comes in 256GB and 512GB variants. The P20 Pro is IP67 certified, offering dust and water resistance up to 1 meter for 30 minutes. The regular P20 is only IP5X rated, so it’s splash proof, but doesn’t offer anywhere near the same level of durability and protection. There’s no headphone jack, which may be a deal breaker for some users, but personally, I don’t mind. The phone comes with USB Type-C headphones in the box, which offer crisp sound but are otherwise unremarkable. There’s also a USB Type-C to 3.5mm adapter so you can use your existing headphones. If wireless headphones are more your preference, like me, there’s support for Sony’s LDAC codec and HWA 990 Kbps high-res audio over Bluetooth 4.2. There are also stereo speakers with Dolby Atmos support. These speakers are pretty good, and deliver loud volume without too much distortion. I find them a little louder than the Galaxy S9, though Huawei’s silicon case muffles audio a little. Dolby Atmos is a useful addition and offers a stereo-like effect during audio playback. Like other Huawei phones, the P20 Pro comes in dual-SIM flavor. Dual-SIM functionality isn’t new to most smartphone ranges, and even the Galaxy S9+ has an optional dual-SIM variant. Unlike most others, you don’t need to get a different variant of the P20 Pro to get two SIM card slots. When you do have two SIM cards in play, both can access 4G LTE, and you can customize which is used for data and for calling. Like previous Huawei devices, the P20 Pro allows you to disable the on-screen keys and use gestures on the fingerprint sensor to navigate if you prefer. A tap on the sensor takes you back a screen. Pressing and holding takes you straight to the home screen. A horizontal swipe launches the recent apps overview. Personally, I don’t like this and have stuck with the on-screen keys. Huawei backs up the fingerprint sensor with its face unlock feature. It’s not as secure as Apple’s Face ID, so it can’t be used for payments and other secure transactions, but it’s lightning fast. In almost any condition, including pitch black, it unlocks your phone so fast that you don’t even see the lock screen. We tested it in the back of a moving taxi, in a dark room with little to no light, and in day-to-day usage, and it’s the best way to unlock your P20 Pro most of the time, assuming you’re OK with the heightened security risk. With direct sunlight behind you, however, the face unlock doesn’t work — just like Face ID on the iPhone X. Battery The P20 Pro has one major advantage over other 2018 flagships up its sleeve — a 4,000mAh battery. Most flagship devices come equipped with a battery ranging from 3,000 to 3,5000mAh battery. The P20 Pro brings the same battery capacity as the Mate 10 Pro, which we crowned as the best smartphone for battery life last year. It’s great to see a company not conform to battery capacity norms. A large battery combined with Full HD+ resolution results in exceptional battery life on the Huawei P20 Pro. Nirave The battery life on the P20 Pro doesn’t disappoint. During nearly two weeks with the device, the battery lasted around two days on average, with around six to seven hours of screen-on time. During my flight back to San Francisco from the launch event in Paris, I used the phone as my Kindle device and reached San Francisco with over 50 percent battery left, after over 9 hours of solid screen-on time. The testing numbers also reveal a similar story. Overall, the P20 Pro offers better battery life than any other device we’ve tested, including the Mate 10 Pro. Our Wi-Fi browsing test cycles the same set of webpages and drains the battery from 100 percent to 0 percent, with the display set at 200 nits brightness. The P20 Pro lasted 11 hours and 28 minutes, which is better than the P20 at 10 hours and 17 minutes, but not as good as the Mate 10 Pro which lasts for 13 hours straight. In our video playback test — where we loop a 1080p video at 200 nits brightness — the P20 Pro lasted 12 hours and 21 minutes, while the regular P20 lasted for 10 hours and 20 minutes. The P20 Pro proves to be much better than the Mate 10 Pro and Galaxy S9 Plus here, which lasted for 10 hours and 40 minutes and 11 hours and 16 minutes, respectively. Interestingly, last year’s LG V30 also proves to be a champion here, lasting for 12 hours and 20 minutes. Samsung phones are known for offering a ton of features, but battery life has always been a concern. The P20 Pro offers 11 percent more average battery life than the Galaxy S9 Plus, which is actually less than we expected, given the 12 percent larger battery and lower resolution display. Huawei has improved battery life with updates in the past, though — the Mate 10 Pro battery life got significantly better after its first update — so we’d expect the P20 Pro battery to improve with age. Overall, the battery life is arguably the best we’ve seen from a flagship smartphone to-date. Whatever the task, the battery will easily last you a full day or two. For many users, it’ll last much longer. During our time with the P20 Pro, using the camera didn’t seem to have too large an effect on the battery as we spent three hours shooting with the phone in Paris with the display at full brightness and the battery only drained 18 percent. The P20 Pro comes equipped with Huawei SuperCharge, which charges your phone to full in just 90 minutes. The P20 also has SuperCharge and is even more impressive, charging to full in just 72 minutes — faster than any smartphone we’ve tested. In 30 minutes, the P20 Pro charges to 54 percent, while the regular P20 charges to 65 percent. In 60 minutes, they charge to 87 percent and 95 percent respectively. By comparison, the Galaxy S9 Plus and S9 take 96 and 93 minutes respectively, despite both having 500mAh-smaller batteries than their P20 counterparts. Camera They say big numbers help sell phones. If that’s the case, Huawei has plenty of these to lean on in the P20 Pro’s camera. There’s the world’s first triple camera, a 40MP main sensor, 3X Optical Zoom, 5X Hybrid Zoom, 4D Predictive Focus, 102,400 maximum ISO, 2μm pixel size, 4-in-1 Hybrid Focus system, 960 frames per second slow-motion recording, and more. The camera also has Huawei’s new AI-assisted stabilization (AIS), which lets the P20 Pro take long-exposure shots without a tripod. The three cameras combine to make an incredible trio that produce great shots in all conditions. Each camera serves a different purpose. The main 40MP sensor captures rich color, the 20MP secondary monochrome sensor captures additional details, and the third 8MP telephoto lens is used for zoom and additional focal length. They make for an incredible trio which produces great shots in all conditions. Kris goes into more depth on the make-up of the camera in the video review, and Adam has rounded up all the facts on Huawei’s triple camera in our walkthrough below. The 40MP main sensor will be a draw for many users. I remember working retail when the Nokia 1020 was launched. I experienced first-hand how many customers came into the store asking for the phone with the 40MP camera. The P20 Pro’s camera will likely have the same effect for Huawei, at least outside the U.S. where it will appear on store shelves, but without the turn-off of Windows phone OS. By default, the camera shoots images at 10MP, which is where the 2μm pixel size kicks in. The main camera actually has 1μm pixels, but by default, the P20 uses a process called pixel binning to combine the light information from four 1μm pixels into a larger 2μm super pixel. See the full-res photos Huawei P20 Pro Samsung Galaxy S9 Plus You can shoot at 40MP if you want, but remember, the smaller 1μm pixels are less sensitive to light, and you can’t zoom in, so you’ll only want to shoot at full-res in well-lit conditions where zooming isn’t necessary. By using pixel binning rather than just having 2μm pixels in the first place, the 40MP camera offers more versatility. As a result, you can take rich 40MP photos in great lighting, and still get excellent low light performance when lighting conditions aren’t as good. The 20MP monochrome lens also has a part to play in the overall pictures, as it captures three times as much light information than the RGB sensor (because it has no color filters). The result is images with more detail, increased sensitivity to light and less noise in shadows. The P20 Pro combines the data from both sensors to capture vibrant, richly colored and nicely detailed pictures, regardless of the lighting conditions. The third lens really sets the P20 Pro apart from other smartphones. It offers 3X optical zoom and captures about a ninth of the standard frame (so if you have the grid overlay on, you’ll always know what you’ll get at 3x). In darker conditions, the smaller f/2.4 aperture results in less light sensitivity though, so even when you’re zoomed in, the P20 Pro is still using all three cameras. Just cover the telephoto lens at 3x zoom to see it in action. There’s also a noticeable shift in the colors when switching between 1x and 3x zoom. The P20 Pro also brings the world’s first 5X Hybrid Zoom, which combines the 3X Optical Zoom with additional detail from the main sensor to achieve a 5X Hybrid Lossless zoom. It’s fantastic. From graffiti on buildings in Paris to bottles of wine in a restaurant’s wine rack, the Hybrid zoom is a lot of fun to use. I’ve spent many moments zooming into pictures, and even when pixel peeping, the result is excellent. Regular 3X Optical Zoom 5X Hybrid Zoom Many companies have claimed lossless or hybrid zoom in the past, but the P20 Pro seems to be one of the first devices to actually deliver on this feature. The 5x images naturally aren’t as good as they would have been with 5X optical zoom, but they are very similar to the level of detail from the 3x. As Kris says, it’s nice to know you can digitally zoom in a bit and still maintain image quality. The P20 Pro lets you zoom in up to 10x digitally, but we wouldn’t recommend going past 5x if you still want crisp detail. The telephoto lens is the only one that officially comes with OIS, but an iFixit teardown seems to show OIS in all three lenses. Regardless, the P20 Pro also uses AIS across the board. It analyzes the frame and ditches small parts of the edges to keep everything stabilized. 4D focus also predicts where a subject is moving and keeps it in focus, so you have smooth overall footage with locked-on focus. To see how AIS compares to EIS used on the Pixel 2, check out the video review above. Captured using a long exposure with night mode AIS is responsible for what both Kris and I think is the biggest highlight on the P20 Pro camera: night mode. If you’ve tried to shoot a low-light, long-exposure shot by hand, you’ll know the resulting image is usually full of noise and image shake. AIS solves this by stabilizing the image long enough for you to capture a four-second handheld long exposure at night that’s crisp and blur-free. Add in the excellent low-light sensitivity and detail of all the sensors combined, and the results are simply amazing. On the P20 Pro display, all these images look fantastic. It’s only when you begin pixel peeping on your computer that you start to see where the P20 Pro falls down. As Kris mentions in the video, however, this raises an important question: what constitutes a good photo? Is it the one that produces the most realistic colors, or the one that makes them pop the most? Is it the one that maintains detail at the expense of added noise, like the Pixel 2, or the one that looks great on your phone but like a painting up close? Your answer will determine if the P20 Pro is the camera for you. If you want true-to-life images with more detail when you zoom in, the Pixel 2 is the better camera for you. But if you want images that look the best before you start crawling the pixels, the kind that will look better on social media, then the P20 Pro might be for you. The P20 Pro’s 24MP selfie camera is definitely an example of more megapixels not really translating to better photos. Millions of pixels aren’t much good if the photo captured is soft. Even with all of Huawei’s effects turned off, selfies have a noticeable smoothness that shouldn’t be there. It is possible to take some good pictures with the P20 Pro’s front camera in good lighting, but the images are too soft and artificial for my tastes. With such a reflective rear panel, you’re better off just flipping the camera over and using the back as a mirror to take the perfect selfie! The front and the rear camera both have a portrait mode, but both are a little hit or miss. Software-assisted bokeh couldn’t handle Kris’ wild hair (as most phones can’t). It faired a little better in my own test shots, but it’s not on par with the Pixel 2. However, the rear camera also comes with a feature only Huawei offers, which I got a lot of joy out of using on the P20 Pro and the Mate 10 Pro. Slide all the way to the left in the camera and you’ll enter aperture mode, called wide aperture mode on past Huawei devices. The P20 Pro allows you to capture images using the main sensor, and adjust the focal point and aperture size both pre- and post-capture. This isn’t a new feature — The Galaxy S9’s live focus feature does it too — but the P20 Pro’s aperture mode allows you to change the aperture from f/0.95 to f/16. Unlike the Pixel 2 and other devices which only offer one type of Portrait, the P20 Pro leaves the customization up to you. By default, it’s set to f/4 which produces a natural amount of bokeh like other devices. If you prefer more bokeh, you can change it to f/0.95. If you don’t like much or any bokeh in your photos, then the f/16 option is designed for you. Aperture mode works well for selfies, as you can adjust the amount of bokeh in the shot, and if the cutout is all wrong, remove as much background blur as possible. Similarly, if you take a great picture and decide you’d prefer to have your focal point elsewhere, you can easily change it. The P20 Pro is aided by the Kirin 970’s Neural Processing Unit (NPU), which helps with all of its AI features. These features are most apparent in the camera. Alongside the AIS which allows you to take excellent photos and video, there’s also automatic scene recognition. The scene recognition can be good, but Kris and I both found it occasionally got in the way of taking excellent pictures. Once you get to know the AI’s attitude to photography, you can take advantage of the suggestions you like and ignore those you don’t. This is because Huawei now lets you deny automatic scene recognition changes as they pop up or you can disable AI assistance entirely. Sometimes you’ll find yourself fighting with the AI, trying to take a regular shot while it keeps changing settings on you. For example, there are dedicated portrait and night modes in the camera, but the AI will automatically switch to portrait mode when it detects a human face in the frame or launch into night mode in the dark. Of course, this can be helpful, but if you don’t like fake bokeh or aren’t after a long exposure it can be annoying. One of the new scenes recognized in the P20 Pro is waterfalls, but the phone automatically tries to take a long exposure for that dreamy water effect, but this isn’t always the best way to capture it. Once you understand which scenes the phone is good at tweaking, the results can be fantastic. The AI can automatically detect food, dogs, and cats (with separate modes for each of these pets), and it can boost colors to provide a more vibrant image. Similarly, the greenery mode really makes grass pop out of an image and the blue sky mode makes even dreary skies look nicer. It’s not the most accurate look, but it’s amazing on social media, which appears to be Huawei’s goal. Personally, I liked it when it automatically switched to portrait and night mode, but Kris found it a nuisance as there are already dedicated modes for these. I also like it when it switches to greenery, food, or dog scenes. The results are usually much better for social media. The P20 Pro is the first smartphone with the ability to shoot up to 102,400 ISO. This feels like a number that’s big for the sake of being big. A photo shot at that ISO would typically have enough grain to completely ruin the image, which is probably why you can’t select anything above ISO 3,200 in Pro mode. During our briefing and the press conference, Huawei made a big deal about the P20 Pro’s 4D predictive tracking, which uses AI to predict where a moving subject is headed to maintain focus. In Huawei’s demo it worked well, and it mostly delivered in our testing. We found the autofocus struggled to stay locked on a moving subject like flowers blowing in the wind, which you can see in the video review. It’s not terrible, but it’s not as good as it was on stage either. Another big AI camera feature is assisted framing, which helps non-photographers capture images with better composition by giving them various tips based on their photos. It doesn’t seem to work right now. There doesn’t appear to be an option in the settings for it and neither Kris nor I saw it pop up on its own at all. It’s more than likely coming in a future update. We’ve reached out to Huawei and will update when we have more information. One thing that I do find a little strange about the P20 Pro camera is the location of HDR. By now, almost every smartphone offers an automatic HDR option, but Huawei insists on keeping this option hidden away in the modes menu. Night mode can act as an HDR replacement in certain shots — such as a high contrast shot with a bright light source — but it doesn’t work all the time. Instead, you need to open the HDR mode and there’s no way to make it automatic. We wish Huawei would change this. There are a lot of other features still to touch on with the camera. The Ultra Snapshot mode launches the camera in 0.3 seconds from screen-off. Unfortunately, it only captures a 7MP image in 18:9 aspect ratio and there’s no way to change this in the settings. Since the image is taken so quickly, there’s no AI scene recognition either. Fortunately, you can change the function of the button shortcut in the settings menu, which I did. The camera is plenty fast enough once you launch it, and I’d rather have more control over my images, so I changed the shortcut to launch the camera without taking an image. Huawei P20 Pro Camera samples: The P20 Pro also captures 960 frames per second slow-motion video recording like other recent flagships. It’s a fun feature to use and it’s relatively easy to get the timing right — I struggled a little at first, as it happens almost instantly when you press the capture button — but it’s not as fun as the Galaxy S9 Plus. Samsung’s flagship brings an automatic slow-motion mode, so you don’t need to perfectly time the shutter, which makes taking slow-motion video a lot more fun. Before the P20 Pro was announced, the rumors had me excited. Since the launch of the Nokia Lumia 1020, I and many others have been waiting for a replacement. Back then I wouldn’t have pegged Huawei as the company that would offer it, but the P20 Pro has the camera we’ve all been waiting for. The P20 Pro is the flagship smartphone camera we’ve all been waiting for... It features all the hardware you could want in a camera and takes stunning photos. Nirave It features all the hardware you could want and gives you the tools to take visually stunning photos. The AI features get in the way a bit, but once you learn how to make it work for you, the results are amazing. The 5X hybrid zoom is a highlight, but the night mode has me wanting to go out and take pictures just to see what it produces. You could give 40 people the same scene and they’d take 40 different pictures. The phone is designed to allow you to take the photos you want, albeit with a focus on social media, sharing, and being visually appealing on a smartphone screen rather than blown up on a computer. The versatility of the camera sets it apart from the competition and no two P20 Pro pictures are the same. Indeed, with some training on the different modes, you could give 40 people the same scene and they’d take 40 different pictures. Therein lies the problem though. While phones like the Galaxy S9 and iPhone X are designed to have no learning curve, there is one to the P20 Pro camera. If you’re not willing to invest time to truly understand it, it’s not the camera for you. If you are willing to learn how to use it, the results speak for themselves. Software The P20 Pro runs on Android 8.1 with Huawei’s EMUI 8.1 interface on top. Huawei’s interface has come a long way since the days of the P6, but it remains a polarizing experience — you either love it or hate it. Personally, EMUI is as functional as any other interface for me. It has some quirks, but it’s on par with any other OEM skin out there. EMUI 8.1 brings the same packed feature set from EMUI 8 on the Mate 10 Pro, with a couple of small additions. Like the Mate 10 Pro, PC Mode works with nothing but a USB Type-C to HDMI cable and works well enough. I’ve yet to see a need for using your smartphone as a PC, and my constant travels make me the type of consumer Huawei is going after. That said, if you want an easy solution to using your smartphone as a PC, the P20 Pro’s Desktop Mode does the trick. Oddly enough, the biggest new software feature on the P20 Pro is the ability to “turn off” the notch. We’ve touched on it above, but it’s a noteworthy feature that we hope comes to other Android smartphones. Huawei’s face unlock is a software-based feature that proves, at least for unlocking your smartphone, you don’t need a lot of additional hardware for a great experience. As part of EMUI 8.1, Huawei has also added six more automatically detected scenes in the camera, including fireworks, dogs, cats and waterfall. It also added NPU tricks to the album. We’ve not really been able to test this, but Huawei says it uses AI to give each photo an aesthetic score based on how pleasing it is, and displays larger thumbnails for the photos with the highest scores — all to make your gallery more appealing. The P20 Pro also sees the launch of the Huawei AI Engine (HiAI), an open framework for developers to make use of the NPU’s AI features. In China, the company has worked with partners to add enhancements to the camera, like a vision recognition feature similar to Bixby Vision, automatic filters for photos, and a voice assistant. There are no plans to bring these features to other countries, but the engine is open to developers around the world. Polarizing though it is, EMUI offers a ton of customization options, once you dig into the features. You can add options to the navigation, make use of tons of gesture controls and knuckle shortcuts, choose how you want to navigate your phone (using gestures or the default on-screen keys), customize the status bar, and more. I like the ability to display the network speed. It’s proven helpful when trying to troubleshoot my data while roaming. There’s also an always-on display option buried in the security settings. If you’ve used a Samsung Galaxy device over the past few years, you’ll have likely experienced a similar feeling. The Samsung Experience — formerly known as TouchWiz — was polarizing at first, but with hundreds of millions of devices sold, it has become a mainstay. EMUI is somewhat similar. Personally, I have no issues with it, but chances are you already know how much of a deal breaker EMUI is for you. Specs Huawei P20 Huawei P20 Pro Display 5.8-inch Huawei FullView IPS LCD 2,244 x 1,080 18.7:9 aspect ratio 6.1-inch Huawei FullView OLED 2,240 x 1,080 18.7:9 aspect ratio Processor Huawei Kirin 970 Octa-core CPU (4 Cortex A73 2.36GHz + 4 Cortex A53 1.8GHz) + NPU Huawei Kirin 970 Octa-core CPU (4 Cortex A73 2.36GHz + 4 Cortex A53 1.8GHz) + NPU GPU Mali-G72 MP12 Mali-G72 MP12 RAM 4GB LPDDR4 6GB LPDDR4 Fingerprint Scanner Front mounted Front mounted Storage 128GB 128GB Cameras Rear cameras: 12MP RGB f/1.8 + 20MP monochrome f/1.6 dual-LED flash, PDAF+CAF+Laser+Depth auto focus 4K video recording at 30fps Front camera: 24MP sensor with an f/2.0 aperture, fixed focus Rear cameras: 40MP RGB f/1.8 + 20MP monochrome f/1.6 + 8MP telephoto f/2.4 with OIS dual-LED flash, PDAF+CAF+Laser+Depth auto focus, 3X optical zoom, 5X Hybrid Zoom, 4K video recording at 30fps Front camera: 24MP sensor with an f/2.0 aperture, fixed focus Battery 3,400mAh Non-removable Huawei SuperCharge 4,000mAh Non-removable Huawei SuperCharge IP rating IP53 IP67 SIM Dual SIM Primary SIM: 4G Secondary SIM: 2G/3G/4G Dual SIM Primary SIM: 4G Secondary SIM: 2G/3G/4G 3.5mm headphone jack No No Connectivity Wi-Fi 2.4G, 802.11a/b/g/n/ac with Wi-Fi Direct support 4x4MIMO Cat 18 Bluetooth 4.2, support BLE support aptX/aptX HD and LDAC HD Audio USB Type-C NFC Wi-Fi 2.4G, 802.11a/b/g/n/ac with Wi-Fi Direct support 4x4MIMO Cat 18 Bluetooth 4.2, support BLE support aptX/aptX HD and LDAC HD Audio USB Type-C NFC Software Android 8.1 Oreo EMUI 8.1 Android 8.1 Oreo EMUI 8.1 Colors Twilight, Black, Midnight Blue, Champagne Gold, Pink Gold Midnight Blue, Black, Pink Gold, Twilight Dimensions and weight 149.1 x 70.8 x 7.65mm 165g 155.0 x 73.9 x 7.8mm 180g Gallery [/section] Huawei P20 Pro: The Galaxy S9 killer! The P20 Pro is Huawei’s most ambitious smartphone to date, combining flagship features with an incredible camera. A number like 40MP is bound to get people interested, and the phone lives up to its billing as a photographic masterpiece, though it takes some getting used to, like any good DSLR. The biggest Android competitor to the P20 Pro is the Samsung Galaxy S9 Plus, and which you should buy depends mainly upon your preferences. If you want a phone that can take great photos without having to learn too much, the Galaxy S9 Plus is the way to go. If you want a phone to take great pictures in every condition, and you’re willing to put a little time into learning the many settings and options, the P20 Pro is for you. The P20 Pro is the best Huawei smartphone ever made and is one of the best devices now. It has a sublime camera, outstanding battery life, a color unlike any other. In short, it delivers a flagship experience surpassed by none. Nirave Both devices are flagship through and through, yet they feel very different. I’ve long been a fan of Samsung’s flagships, but the company has made great devices for many generations — the S9 Plus is just the latest. It has few noteworthy features, but it’s mainly more of the same. The P20 Pro is the best Huawei smartphone ever made and is one of the best devices now. It has a sublime camera, outstanding battery life, a color unlike any other. In short, it delivers a flagship experience surpassed by none. What are your thoughts on the Huawei P20 Pro? Is the world’s first triple camera, with its 40MP main sensor, a big deal to you? What about the unique color or the excellent battery life? Let us know in the comments below! , via Android Authority http://bit.ly/2JBd3nK

[gencottraux]

(Sensitive readers beware: fear factor ahead!)

Christmas time is here…and I love the holidays. The carols, the decorations, the over-the-top store displays, the Hallmark Channel movies–I love all of it. As I’ve gotten older, I don’t do as much myself. Our Christmas tree is still outside in a bucket waiting for us to have time to bring it inside. I haven’t done any shopping. But I still love to soak it all in wherever I go. I have Pandora on the James Taylor Holiday Channel, from which I’ve realized I actually like singers Josh Groban and Michael Buble (yes, Cathy and Ellen, you told me so).

  Like so much of what happens around me anymore, the atmosphere has launched a bit of nostalgia and longing for the Christmas of my childhood. So much excitement! Such specific rituals we followed, and the slow pace that kept an anxious kid like me all pent up, but in a good way. My mother always made us each a special outfit for Christmas day. I specifically remember a red velvet top with a lace collar and pants to match that I wish I still had (in my current size) and a pink velvet midi-dress festooned with pink satin ribbons. I did go through a serious pink phase. And apparently a velvet one, too.

Little me with a not very merry or healthy looking Santa.

Oh, the wishes for such treasures as a Lite-Bright and an Easy-Bake Oven, which were never met.

Vintage 1967 Lite-Brite.

Vintage 1960 Easy-Bake Oven.

Or the ones I did get that I wanted so badly. Like the Beautiful Crissy Growing Hair Doll. I loved Crissy so. She had a push-button on her tummy that you could use to wind up her hair to be short or pull it out to be long. As my own hair is always transitioning from long to short or short to long, I was fascinated by this insto-chango approach to hair.

  This is where things are going to take a weird turn. Around about 1970 or so, I really wanted a ventriloquist dummy for Christmas. I found one in the toy section of some department store catalog and made sure everyone knew that was what I wanted.

The Danny O’Day model. I had to have it. Him. Whatever.

You know the 1966 book A Christmas Story by Jean Shepherd, made into the popular 1983 film of the same name?

All Ralphie Parker wants is a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle. Set in 1940 in Indiana, the story of Ralphie and his friends Flick and Schwartz and his attempts to evade the bullies Scut Farkus and Grover Dill and Ralphie’s efforts to convince all of the adults in his life that an air rifle is a great idea and that he won’t shoot his eye out. At the end, Ralphie gets his Red Ryder, and remarks that it was the best Christmas ever.

Best Christmas ever. 

Enter me as Ralphie and Danny O’Day as my Red Ryder. The fact that I even wanted a ventriloquist dummy is very strange. I am afraid of clowns and killer Chucky-style dolls. I watched way too much of The Twilight Zone when I was up past my bedtime. There are 2 episodes that feature evil ventriloquist dummies: The Dummy and Caesar and Me. Then there’s a movie I vaguely remember with a mentally disturbed girl and the dolls and stuffed animals in her room that talk to her. They don’t say happy things. Or maybe that was The Twilight Zone, too. No, wait, the Twilight Zone with the murderous doll is the called Living Doll, featuring Talky Tina. This is the stuff of my nightmares.

    Again, what made me think I wanted Danny O’Day? Did I think I might have talent as a ventriloquist? Well, I got Danny O’Day, and it was NOT the best Christmas ever. I unwrapped the package, I opened the box, and I screamed. At least I think I did. I know I wanted to. But I dutifully spent the day pretending I loved Danny (who I renamed Charlie) and trying my best to follow the instructions on ventriloquism that came with him. I had no apparent talent for it. And then it was bedtime. I left Charlie in the living room, under the Christmas tree. And stayed awake all night positive that he was going to creep down the hall to my bedroom and kill me if I went to sleep.

He didn’t look that evil. If you start online searching for images of ventriloquist dummies, there are many much creepier examples.

Maybe it was his evil influence over me, but I surprisingly kept Charlie for years. We moved cross-country. We moved several more times. I went to college. I got married. And I still had Charlie. I kept him packed in a trunk (yes, that’s what the idiot humans in all the scary shows do, too, and it doesn’t work), sure he was going to get out eventually.

I had other scares, like the time I was home alone watching television and the trailer for the movie Magic (1978) came on. I turned my head and closed my eyes and tried to block it out. The mute button hadn’t been invented yet, and somehow it didn’t occur to me to immediately change the channel. Charlie-fear reared it’s evil, ugly head. The film is based on a book written by William Golding (author of Lord of the Flies; that doesn’t go too well for the characters either). Golding also wrote the screenplay. It starred Anthony Hopkins “as a ventriloquist at the mercy of his vicious dummy”.

      Yes, I was 17 and home alone for the night, except for Charlie in the trunk, watching television when this came on. Yippee. Needless to say, it was another long, sleepless night.

I did eventually manage to give Charlie away. I am not sure the child who was visiting us  and who thought Charlie was cool really wanted him, but I pretty much gave him no choice but to take Charlie with him. I’ve worried about that child, now a grown man, ever since. Charlie was moved to Turkey with his new person. You might imagine I felt safe. You would be discounting my overactive imagination. The film reel plays out in my mind of Charlie crawling out of his hole, finding his way onto an ocean liner, making his way eventually back to California, and appearing in my doorway, ready for revenge.

Of course I know this won’t happen. It would be silly for a 56-year old woman to hold a lingering childhood fear for a doll who, let’s face it, is a silly looking piece of plastic wearing bad clothes. Honestly, Beautiful Crissy could be said to be just as creepy as Danny O’Day. But still…

Summer before last I went to Maine to attend a week-long residency at the Institute for Humane Education. I was also taking a couple of humane education courses that summer, so I took one of the assigned readings with me to Maine. There I am in a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere, and I take out this book, Consuming Kids: Protecting Our Children from the Onslaught of Marketing and Advertising, by Susan Linn. Sounds innocent enough, and about a noteworthy topic. As I tend to do when I start a book, instead of jumping right in, I decided to read about the author. OMG, Susan Linn is a VENTRILOQUIST (an award-winning ventriloquist, no less) who uses puppets as therapeutic tools with childen. At first I laughed at the idea, then I got the creeps. I’m sorry, if I went to a therapist who turned out to be a ventriloquist, I would end up needing a lot (A LOT) more therapy! I couldn’t read the book. Again, I was in a cabin in the woods in Maine, scene of lots of teen slasher movies. I didn’t sleep all week. That might have been the massive amounts of caffeine and taking showers at 3 a.m. because there 14 of us sharing 1 bathroom, but Susan Linn, Ed.D., ventriloquist/child psychologist didn’t help me any. (Note: I don’t mean to belittle her work in children’s therapy, really.)

Dr. Susan Linn

    Now that I’ve turned Christmas into something totally macabre, let’s go back to happy thoughts. I did finally get that Easy-Bake Oven as a 50th birthday gift from Bob. Thank you!

Maybe some day I’ll get that Lite-Brite.

My wishes this year are simple yet complicated: happiness, joy, kindness, peace…beautiful words, easier said than done. Going back to another childhood Christmas memory, I like to remind myself of the message of A Charlie Brown Christmas, about the spirit of the holiday not being in all of the things and wrappings and show, but in the love, peace, and care we take in ourselves, our loved ones, and the world around us.

  I also reread the Dickens classic A Christmas Carol (1843) every year, following Ebenezer Scrooge as he opens his formerly greedy and cold heart to the world around him. If you don’t want to delve into Dickens, there’s always How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Same idea.

Albert Finney as Scrooge, reformed, playing Father Christmas for Tiny Tim, in the 1970 film version.

  I’ve posted this video clip before, but it’s become a classic since it was first televised in 1977 and merits reposting. I remember watching it at the time (1977) on the yearly Bing Crosby Christmas special and finding it so beautiful. It still is. It’s not just in the voices, or the melding of two seemingly very different men, from different countries and different generations. It’s in the love and longing for peace.

  You can’t go to the store and buy these things. You can’t wrap them up and put them under a tree. But we can give them to each other easily and freely, and we will all sleep better.

Peace, hugs, and have the happiest of holidays.

    Be careful what you wish for (and have yourself a merry little Christmas) (Sensitive readers beware: fear factor ahead!) Christmas time is here...and I love the holidays. The carols, the decorations, the over-the-top store displays, the Hallmark Channel movies--I love all of it.

[dipulb3]

Sony XBR-X900H TV review: Excellent picture now, ready for the future

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Sony XBR-X900H TV review: Excellent picture now, ready for the future

The XBR-X900H is the best-performing midpriced Sony TV I’ve tested in years, with excellent contrast and brightness, accurate color and plenty of punch with HDR. Add to that a solid smart TV system, sleek styling and cutting-edge features and you’ve got a great television for anyone who values Sony’s brand but doesn’t want to pony up for one of its OLED TVs.

Like

Excellent overall image quality

Best-in-class connectivity

Available in an 85-inch size

More affordable than equivalent Samsung

Don’t Like

More expensive than competing TVs with similar picture quality

The key to this TV’s image quality, as with all LCD-based sets that perform well in my side-by-side tests, is well implemented full-array local dimming. It improves black levels and contrast by illuminating different areas of the screen separately as needed. In some crucial ways, such as reducing stray illumination with HDR, the X900H beat the similarly equipped TCL 6-Series in those tests, but in other ways the TCL won out, with superior brightness and contrast overall. The Sony also costs more than the TCL, so it’s not my top recommendation for people who want the best image quality for the money. 

There are lots of good reasons to choose the Sony X900H instead, however. The first is superior connectivity: Unlike the TCL, it will be compatible with the highest-quality 4K/120Hz video from the Xbox Series X and PlayStation 5, and unlike any TV at this price it also has a built-in Next Gen TV tuner for upcoming ATSC 3.0 broadcasts. The Sony is also available in a massive 85-inch size, something not offered by TCL or Hisense. And maybe Sony’s brand cachet is important to you — but you don’t want to throw down even more for a FALD-equipped Samsung, the cheapest of which (the Q80T) costs hundreds more than the X900H. 

Even better, Sony recently dropped the price of the 65-inch size to $1,000, just $100 more than the TCL. If that size, or any of the other reasons above appeal to you, the X900H should be on your short list.

A couple of subtle touches separate the X900H from other big-screen, thin-frame TVs available today. There’s a line of silver metallic finishing around the extreme edge on all four sides, matching the silver-colored stand legs. Those legs are thinner than usual but feel plenty solid, and I appreciated that they’re metal and not plastic.

A look around the sides finds holes for Sony’s unusual speaker array, and the bottom has bass ports. Both are invisible from the standard seating position but contribute to improved sound, according to Sony. I don���t test audio quality for CNET TV reviews, but don’t expect miracles here — any decent soundbar will likely outperform the X900H’s built-in audio by a mile.

The remote is old-school Sony: way too many buttons, most of which you’ll never use. I prefer the sleeker, simpler clickers of Samsung and Roku, as well as the motion-infused wands of LG. 

David Katzmaier/CNET

Android TV: No Google TV yet, but still solid

Google recently debuted a new smart TV system called Google TV, but currently it’s only available in the new Chromecast and Google hasn’t said when (or if) other Google-powered devices like the X900H will get the upgrade. Meanwhile the current version, called Android TV, still performs well. Apps launched quickly, I zipped around thumbnails and navigation screens with ease, and response times in general were on par with Roku, Samsung and LG TVs.

Only Roku has as many apps as Android TV, and it lacks the voice power of Google Assistant. Roku’s search is better, however. LG has Assistant, as well as Alexa, but its app selection falls short. The X900H’s array of Dolby Vision and Dolby Atmos apps is solid too: Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Disney Plus, Vudu and Fandango Now support both, Google Play Movies supports Vision (but not Atmos) and Tidal supports Atmos.

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Android TV’s menus are perfectly usable, if not quite as evolved as Google TV. The home page is clean and simple, with favorite apps grouped at the top for easy access in a customizable bar and clear routes to get more apps, search and more. New for 2020, you can customize the input menu, and the TV settings menus have clear explanations of the effects of different adjustments, complete with illustrations.

I did experience some problems. There’s quite a few annoying pop-ups and notifications on the home page. You can’t customize the top section or what appears in each row, so a screen mostly full of clutter you don’t care about is inevitable. Wi-Fi was also unstable on my review sample. A couple of times I was greeted with a pop-up alert saying Wi-Fi was disconnected. The only way I could turn it back on was to unplug the TV and plug it back in. I asked Sony about the issue and a spokesperson told me it plans to issue a software update to deal with the issue — no word yet on timing.

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Assistant on TVs works well. Commands are transcribed on-screen, along with suggestions for follow-up commands. The X900H lacks the far-field mic found on last year’s version, which is a bummer, but talking into the remote worked fine. I was able to launch apps, perform searches, mute and change volume, tell it to “play cat videos on YouTube,” get the weather, set timers and so on. 

It wasn’t without typical Google Assistant wonkiness however. Once I asked, “What’s the latest news?” and an account login page appeared, and when I clicked through a YouTube channel failed to load, complete with a “Something went wrong” popup, a blank screen and a spinning progress indicator.

You can link the Sony TV with Google Nest Home or Amazon Alexa speakers for hands-free action. The X900H lets you use your phone to cast apps via its built-in Google Cast functionality, which works just like a Chromecast, and also supports Apple’s AirPlay 2 and HomeKit compatibility. AirPlay 2 lets the TV function as a display for TV shows, movies, music, photos and web pages with an iPhone, iPad or Mac as the controller. Unlike many other TVs, however, this Sony lacks the full Apple TV app.

Key features

Display technology LED LCD LED backlight Full array with local dimming Resolution 4K HDR compatible HDR10 and Dolby Vision Smart TV Android TV Remote Voice

The best picture-enhancing extra on the X900H is full-array local dimming. Unlike Vizio, Hisense or TCL, Sony doesn’t disclose the number of dimming zones on its TVs, and while more zones generally equate to better performance, that’s not always the case.

Other picture-centric extras include a native 120Hz refresh rate, a notable improvement on paper over the fake 120Hz refresh rates (they’re actually 60Hz native) found on some TVs. The X-Motion Clarity mode that debuted in 2018 is also on board. It boosts motion resolution by applying black frame insertion only where it’s needed on the screen, which is said to eliminate the flicker and dimness evinced by similar modes in past sets. See the picture quality section for more.

Unlike Samsung, TCL and Vizio, Sony doesn’t use quantum dots, so its HDR color gamut isn’t as wide. In addition to standard HDR10, the X900H supports the Dolby Vision HDR format, unlike Samsung.

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4x HDMI inputs

3x USB ports

Composite video input

Ethernet (LAN) port

Optical digital audio output

1x headphone/subwoofer audio output

1x RF (antenna) input

RS-232 port (minijack)

The X900H has some of the most capable inputs of any 4K TV. It supports numerous HDMI 2.1 features, namely enhanced audio return channel (aka eARC), automatic low latency mode (ALLM, or auto game mode) and variable refresh rate. A firmware update will allow its HDMI inputs to accept 4K resolution at 120 frames per second, but Sony couldn’t tell me exactly when it would arrive. That feature sets it apart from many 2020 TVs like the TCL 6-Series, especially for gamers who want to take advantage of high frame rates from an Xbox Series X or Sony PlayStation 5.

It’s also the only non-8K TV to feature a built-in ATSC 3.0 over-the-air tuner, which allows the X900H to receive NextGen TV broadcasts. Those are still only available in a tiny number of markets so I didn’t get the chance to check out this feature, but it’s nice to know that once the broadcasts become more widespread, Sony X900H owners won’t have to connect an external tuner box to watch. 

Read more: Next Gen TV is free 4K TV with an antenna, and it’s coming this year

Unlike many of Samsung’s sets, the Sony actually has an analog video input, albeit composite-only, and I also appreciate having a headphone jack.

Click the image above for picture settings and HDR notes.

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Picture quality comparisons

The Sony X900H is an excellent performer overall, with a pleasing, balanced image that still manages to deliver plenty of pop and contrast. It can’t quite match the black levels and light output of some LCDs I’ve tested — most recently from TCL and Hisense — but still comes pretty close. Meanwhile other areas of image quality, namely color accuracy and shadow detail, were superior to those TVs. 

Click the image at the right to see the picture settings used in the review and to read more about how this TV’s picture controls worked during calibration.

Dim lighting: Dark movie scenes played in a dark room are the most challenging kind of content for LCD-based TVs and while the Sony looked excellent in my side-by-side tests, it wasn’t quite as good as the TCL 6-Series or the Hisense at maintaining that crucial darkness. Letterbox bars in mid-dark scenes, such as the general’s speech in the bunker at the beginning of 1917, provided one example. The other two TVs were both able to preserve a blacker color of “black” in the bars and other dark areas, like the soldiers’ silhouettes, which made them look a bit more realistic than the X900H. The difference was minor overall, however, and even less noticeable in other scenes with brighter lighting.

On the other hand, the Sony preserved details in shadows most consistently among the three TVs, for example in the super dark scene with the soldier waking up (1:06:38), and also controlled blooming and stray illumination very well. Again, the differences with SDR were relatively minor and all three TVs looked excellent.

Bright lighting: The X900H can get exceedingly bright, although it didn’t measure quite as bright as some other sets I’ve tested recently.

Light output in nits

TV Brightest (SDR) Accurate color (SDR) Brightest (HDR) Accurate color (HDR) Vizio PX65-G1 (2019) 1,990 1,120 2,908 2,106 TCL 65Q825 1,653 904 1,818 982 TCL 65R635 1,114 792 1,292 1,102 Sony XBR-65X900H 841 673 989 795 Vizio M658-G1 (2019) 633 400 608 531 LG OLED65CX 377 290 690 634

The “accurate” numbers above were measured with the Sony’s Xtended Dynamic Range setting in the High setting in the Custom picture mode, which is a great choice for bright rooms where you still want an accurate image. As usual, the brightest setting, Vivid, is incredibly inaccurate. 

Compared to the others, the Sony’s screen finish was visibly superior at preserving contrast and black levels in a bright room, but it did a somewhat worse job of dimming bright reflections. Overall I preferred the Sony’s bright-room image to that of the others in most scenes.

Color accuracy: Despite its lack of quantum dots I’ve come to expect excellent color from Sony and the X900H is no exception. Its Custom and Cinema modes were very similar prior to calibration although both skewed slightly blue; afterward they were nearly perfect. Watching program material bright scenes, like the fields, woods and uniforms in Chapter 8 of 1917, looked the most pleasing and natural of the three TVs, outdoing the apparent saturation of the TCL in my comparison.

Video processing: The X900H had no issues delivering proper 1080p/24 cadence with its Motionflow controls in the Off position, which is probably the best for film purists. Meanwhile the Auto setting introduced the buttery smoothness of the soap opera effect. Then there’s the Custom setting, which has adjustable Smoothness and Clearness.

A Smoothness setting above 1 introduces significant SOE, while 0 turns it off. I actually didn’t mind the slight smoothing that the 1 setting introduces (some purists might), but its effect on motion resolution was really slight, so I’d probably stick with 0. The Clearness setting ramps up black frame insertion to improve motion resolution, but it doesn’t have any effect (aside from dimming the image) unless you’ve got Smoothness at 2 or higher. In other words there’s no way to get the best of both worlds — high motion resolution and no SOE — with one setting.

The X900H measured the best (lowest) input lag of any Sony TV yet, at around 15 milliseconds in Game mode for both 1080p and 4K HDR — an improvement of 4ms compared to last year’s X950G. In the Custom mode, meanwhile, I measured 91ms with both resolutions.

Uniformity: The X900H sample I tested was very good in this category, with few visible variations across the screen in static or moving test patterns or program material, such as a hockey match. Compared to the TCL and the Hisense, the Sony lost black level fidelity and contrast from off-angle more severely as I moved away from the sweet spot in the center of the screen. On the other hand, it preserved color better than the other two.

HDR and 4K video: The X900H is a suburb HDR performer overall. I started my comparison with my reference video, the montage from the Spears and Munsil UHD HDR Benchmark, and the Sony held its own nicely compared to the TCL and the Hisense, although it couldn’t quite match either one for contrast. Its biggest challenge, as expected, came during the difficult bright-on-black sections, for example the honey dripper at 2:50. Both of the others delivered deeper black levels that gave the image more pop and contrast, as well as showing less blooming and stray illumination.

In brighter, more natural shots like the snowy mountains and the hot springs, the Sony narrowed the gap, although brightness in highlights and in larger bright areas like clouds and snow lagged the TCL slightly and the Hisense even more. Color accuracy was excellent, a bit better than the TCL and significantly better than the Hisense, with a balanced yet vibrant look to the flowers and insects. The Sony also preserved detail in very bright areas better than the Hisense. 

Turning back to 1917 in 4K HDR, the Sony again competed well and in some scenes looked the most balanced and pleasing of the three. The general’s bunker scene (6:55) was one example: the TCL 635 showed darker black levels but worse blooming and stray illumination, and while the Hisense was brighter in highlights its color looked the least realistic and it also showed blooming. Again the Sony preserved shadow detail the best among the three as well.

In brighter scenes the Sony again trailed the other two at delivering that trademark HDR blast of light, for example in the skies above the soldiers as they walk quickly through the trenches. The TCL and the Sony were relatively close, however, and tough to differentiate without measuring their bright areas directly, while the Hisense was visibly brighter than both. On the other hand, as I saw with the 4K Benchmark, colors on both the TCL and Sony looked more accurate and natural than on the Hisense.

4K HDR gaming: For this test I played The Last of Us Part 2 on a PS4 Pro in the TVs’ various Game modes: Game mode on the Sony and Gaming HDR (aka THX-certified Game Mode) for the 635 (I didn’t include the Hisense in this test).

When you’re crawling around a dark building hunting zombies, shadow detail is more important than black level and contrast, because it allows you to peer into dark recesses to spot enemies. By that measure the Sony was better than the 635, delivering every ounce of detail in the darkest shadows while the 635 was a bit more shrouded. That said, the TCL won for black levels, contrast and punch in the same (default) game settings. With many games, including The Last of Us Part 2, you can adjust gamma and shadow detail to taste (and you should).

Moving out into the day-lit Seattle streets, the 635 again looked best overall thanks to superior contrast, which as usual helped colors pop. The Sony still looked great, however, and differences would be tough to discern outside of a side-by-side comparison.

Geek Box

Test Result Score Black luminance (0%) 0.010 Good Peak white luminance (SDR) 841 Good Avg. gamma (10-100%) 2.15 Good Avg. grayscale error (10-100%) 1.07 Good Dark gray error (30%) 0.99 Good Bright gray error (80%) 1.19 Good Avg. color checker error 1.80 Good Avg. saturation sweeps error 1.55 Good Avg. color error 2.37 Good Red error 2.82 Good Green error 2.72 Good Blue error 2.23 Good Cyan error 2.26 Good Magenta error 2.34 Good Yellow error 1.83 Good 1080p/24 Cadence (IAL) Pass Good Motion resolution (max) 1200 Good Motion resolution (dejudder off) 400 Poor Input lag (Game mode) 15.50 Good HDR10 Black luminance (0%) 0.006 Good Peak white luminance (10% win) 989 Average Gamut % UHDA/P3 (CIE 1976) 92.59 Average ColorMatch HDR error 3.57 Average Avg. color checker error 4.99 Average Input lag (Game mode, 4K HDR) 15.23 Good

Sony XBR-65X900H CNET review calibration results by David Katzmaier on Scribd