#also I know there are plenty of times people shared similar kinds of info on SPN to some extent

[dirigibleplumbing]

why “the Winchesters” feels like fanfiction

I don’t mean this in a negative way but it feels like fic and here’s why:

Mary, John, Carlos, Lata, and Ada (and others to an extent) are 100% found family and an actual ensemble. in Supernatural, family didn’t end in blood but the brothers were the Main Characters and they’d known Bobby since before the start of the show. in the Winchesters, everyone who is working together is doing it because they choose to, and while everyone but John has history together, they fall into a TV Show Ensemble Cast immediately and John’s newness persists only for exposition purposes

because they’re all choosing to work together, they’re all nice to each other, give each other the benefit of the doubt, and generally assume everyone has the same goals and wants to be there and is doing the work

even though it’s the 70s and they don’t have cell phones, they use CB radios, pay phones, and walkies to constantly keep each other updated. the capacity to communicate is almost never an impediment. even when Carlos is trapped in a shadow dimension and Lata is in the house, they can hear each other yelling! 

the main group doesn’t hide info from each other. sure, John and Mary briefly attempt to hide their relationship, and Lata has a Deep Dark Secret she hasn’t told anyone before she put on the bracelet. but when it comes to hunting, they are all info all the time. Ada even shares the risk to her soul! can you imagine someone volunteering that on SPN?! even John’s mom knows about the Akreda and doesn’t for a moment think it’s at all possible John is a murderer! I guess this one is more fanon-vibe than fic, lots of fics are based on people withholding crucial info, but the “SPN but with healthier communication” thing is such a fandom concept

Dean hates that he died 

someone actually puts in a Led Zeppelin tape and it plays Led Zeppelin

the Impala is a CARDIS

John Winchester decides to get therapy

JOHN WINCHESTER DECIDES TO GET THERAPY

[grimslyreaper]

It's JoJo OC time >:)

I originally created these two last year if I remember correctly? These are actually heavily redesigned versions of two characters who were formally known as Mocha Napoleone (top) and The Candy Man (bottom). Though as you can see I renamed them too

Mistico was originally a self-insert/sona though I now consider her a completely separate character from myself. However, she still shares a lot of my traits (such as her personality being similar to mine, and having an interest in art and animation)

Old designs

More info under the cut (Part 4 spoilers ahead. Plus it's a relatively long post lol)

Name: Mistico Missoni Namesake: Missoni (Italian fashion brand) Age: 19 Birthday: March 12th Gender: Genderfluid Height: 4'10" Ethnicity: Italian Occupation: Freelance artist, animation student Stand: 「Enter Sandman」

Notorious for her strong sense of justice, Mistico is a person who has a great deal of care about the health and safety of those around her. This even applies to those she doesn’t or barely knows, which is heavily implied by the fact she was so determined to solve Shigekiyo’s disappearance and keep Morioh safe. Besides this she’s relatively quiet and soft-spoken, typically being reclusive and preferring to keep to herself. She has trouble picking up social cues or understanding the difference between what’s sarcasm and what’s serious, though she tries her best to do so. Though regarded as a shady and weird individual by those who don’t know her, she really is a kind person who wants nothing more than to live a quiet and safe life. She also seems to be quite paranoid, this is made especially evident by the fact that she was quick to assume that Josuke and Okuyasu caused Shigekiyo’s disappearance, causing her to keep a constant eye on them whenever they came into her line of sight or general vicinity.

Those who manage to get to know Mistico and even befriend her will soon find out that she’s a much different person than she initially appears to be. When around people she trusts she becomes a surprisingly more talkative person who loves to share her interest in art. She can even come off as vulgar with her language, usually cussing out people in Italian, though her vulgar language typically only gets directed towards people she hates or considers a rival.

Name: 「Enter Sandman」 Namesake: Enter Sandman (Metallica song) Localised Name: Sand Man User: Mistico Missoni Type: Long-range Artificial humanoid Sentient Reconnaissance

Enter Sandman is a completely sentient Stand. Compared to Mistico, they’re much more sensible and mature and display a usually calm disposition. Even so, Enter Sandman can still show fear and worry, typically when their user is placed under high stress levels. Enter Sandman personifies Mistico’s sense of justice and reflects this in their actions, personality and mannerisms.

Enter Sandman is a Long-Range Stand with great scouting potential. Along with this, they are able to increase their power by staying in shadows and darkness. Their abilities centre around and take advantage of the fact they’re more powerful when shrouded in darkness.

Places with little to no shadows pose a problem for them as they’re unable to reach their full potential.

When in contact with shadows, Enter Sandman can phase themself into them and travel along as they see fit. This allows for great secret scouting potential when plenty of shadows are around, though this ability can be limited by a lack of shadows. Another limit to this ability is the fact that only shadows on solid, non-sentient surfaces are accessible.

When shrouded in the darkness of shadows or the night, Enter Sandman gains more physical strength and capabilities. The darker the area, the stronger they become. Pitch-black darkness can make them near invincible, though it comes with the disadvantage of themself and their user being unable to see. Being moved out of shadows or into lights will cause their strength to return to normal, and having intense light shone onto them can weaken them.

[amyintherapy]

Embodying Feelings & Disassociation

Trigger warning: There will be brief mention of self harm and sexual abuse in this post.

I started therapy for the first time at the end of 8th grade. I was 13. I got pretty lucky and was a good match with my first therapist. Still, it took me a while to start to really open up to him about the hard stuff. I want to say that it was probably at least six months before I told him about my sexual abuse. I don't know when I told him about my experiences with disassociation, but I remember it being extremely hard to tell him, similar to the SA info. At the time, I had heard of PTSD, but I knew of it as something soldiers get from witnessing war. I knew it could make veterans react to fireworks as if they were bombs, but that was about all I knew about it, from what I recall. I had no idea what else could 'cause' it - if anything, or what the symptoms really were. I had never heard of disassociation.

So, when I'd get really triggered and felt like I was watching myself from up in the clouds...I thought this was something similar to a delusion or hallucination. I worried it might be something like schizophrenia that I was experiencing. As a result, it was a super scary thing to share. But I did, and he explained what disassociation was. When I was later referred out for diagnosis and meds, I was diagnosed with PTSD with features of depersonalization and derealization. I think I was 14 then.

So, I've been familiar with disassociation for a long time now. I don't know exactly when, but somewhere along the way I learned that it wasn't just when I felt like I was watching myself (which has always been a fairly rare occurrence for me), but also when I felt numb and disconnected from myself, which I experience more often. I started self-harming really young, and cutting in middle school and throughout most of high school. I don't remember when I realized that cutting was something that could take me out of disassociation. I think it was before I really knew what disassociation was, I just knew it helped me to sort of come out of the "frozen depression" type feeling. After a few years of therapy as a teen I was able to stop cutting. My mental health was in a better place, I had gained some coping skills, I hated myself less, etc. But I'd still disassociate at times, and I didn't know how to get rid of it other than to wait it out. So that's what I've done for years now when I've experienced it. And that's been okay, but I'd rather be able to "snap out of it" if I could. So, a recent experience that I had feels like a big deal.

For 2 or 3 weeks I was stuck in disassociation. My mind kept circling back to stuff related to identifying as being emotionally neglected. So I knew that was the cause somehow. Yet, I wasn't really feeling much. I was kind of numb emotionally and physically, while my mind felt extra hyperactive. I was making a lot of realizations in my head, but they didn't feel true, at the same time. I think most people have experiences like this. Examples might be...logically I know if I make a mistake, that is just me being human and is not a good reason for anyone to hate me. Yet when I make a mistake that impacts someone I care about, I still can't help but FEEL like they might hate me now, even though logically I know that isn't likely. Or, logically I know that the odds that a sound I just heard outside at midnight were likely a racoon or something...but I can't help but feel worried that it's a "bad guy". I have plenty of discrepancies between my logical and emotional brains that I've just kinda learned to live with for the most part. But over this few week period, I was changing my perspective of my childhood logically, but not emotionally, and that disconnect was new for me in this specific area. I felt sort of stuck, unable to continue processing these pieces of my childhood because my brain and my emotions/feelings were so far apart. Both of my therapists do some somatic work, but our couples counselor (who we basically see for 'regular' therapy that we just do together vs stereotypical couples counseling) does a lot more with us that is somatic. Nearly every session we have with our couples therapist he'll try to help us embody our feelings about something. I find it awkward, emotionally draining and sometimes embarassing - but it also feels quite powerful. He's also really into AEDP therapy, which is a type of therapy that talks about disassociation/numbing, etc as a defense from feeling a core feeling. For those reasons, I thought that speaking with our couples therapist about this might be a better fit than my 'main' therapist who I see weekly and therefore just have a deeper relationship with. During the appointment I explained my dissociation, sense of being kinda stuck or frozen, and how I knew it was related to processing being emotionally neglected, but how when I talk about it I wasn't feeling any feelings. It was all 'in my head' and not 'in my heart'. There was this big disconnect. He agreed with my assessment that I had unresolved/unfelt feelings. I don't remember exactly how we got there, but he asked me some questions that led to me sharing a specific phrase that I remember being said to me as a kid. "What the hell were you thinking?" It was phrased as a question rather than a statement, but I wasn't expected to actually answer the question. At times, I thought I had good reason for doing whatever I did, and I would have liked to explain, as it felt like they were assuming the worst possible intentions, which weren't my actual attentions at all. But I felt like I couldn't respond as it would just upset them more. Even though it was a question, responding would be taken as 'talking back'. He took the implied answer, and asked me what my first thought would be today if someone told me "you're stupid."

Honestly? My knee-jerk response is "....yeah."

Having to admit that out loud brought the emotions. Tightness in my chest, burning behind both ears, anxiety, a little anger, and some sadness. A few tears. The therapist told me to try to relax my body and let it out. I tried, but only managed a couple more tears. He had me turn to my partner and try to express to him what it felt like as a kid to have things like that said to me. This brought emotion up again. It's so hard to even look at him when I'm on the edge of spilling over with my emotions. He is such a safe person to me, that just seeing him tears down all my defenses. Although the whole point of this appointment was to try to drag out emotion...the parts of me that try to avoid it are so strong. I struggled to look at him, and it took me a while to find words to try to explain. But I did...and I collapsed into his chest and really cried. It didn't feel good, of course. But I felt so much lighter after this, and I had this sense of unthawing and waking up. I had never experienced disassociation being removed that quickly in any way besides self harm before. It was really cool.

Longterm, I want to learn how to push myself through 'exercises' like this so that I can try to do this on my own. But it was really cool to see that even if I currently need assistance from a therapist to get myself to 'go there' right now, that I seem to have found a tool to move through disassociation now. I am back to feeling like myself which is awesome, but I also have made big jumps in how I'm perceiving my childhood now. The idea that I was neglected doesn't just seem like something I logically believe, I FEEL like it's true now. And I've jumped a step farther ahead, realizing I was actually emotionally abused as well - and that feels true, too. As I said in a previous post, I kinda knew that I tend to make big growth after coming out of disassociation, so I was hopeful I'd be seeing growth soon...but it's really cool that I have.

[fabulouslygaybean]

oh my gosh okay so ry i REALLY want to cosplay and go to conventions but my friend who's been before always says it would be too overstimulating for me and that i would hate it the whole time so i thought i would ask you cause i trust your judgement very much: what is it like? is it very loud? what are the people and the facility like? are you enjoying yourself?

apologies for the late reply, ive been typing this on and off for a while (i only just left the con like 15 minutes ago), but it's here! woo!

okay okay okay so, this might get kinda long but i wanna be comprehensive with it so please bear with me here :') im gonna put most of this under a read more because of the length

some disclaimers beforehand: the convention im going to wasn't a huge event compared to most (not willing to share the name of it publically, but id be happy to dm it to you if you'd like to know more details about this specific con!). even though im in a capital city, it's still very manageable as far as cons go. i can't say for sure how many folks there are, but it's nowhere near as crowded as, say, a convention in chicago (or any other major city for that matter). every single one varies a lot, so your mileage may vary when it comes down to individual events. with that outta the way, onto the actual info!

---

as far as noise goes, id personally say it's not incredibly loud, but im not easily overstimulated by sound so my threshold is definitely different (i enjoy and seek out loud events too so i might be desensitized). ill try my best to describe it though so you can maybe get an idea of the vibe :]

a good chunk of the kind of noise you hear is just background chatter/conversation; it sounds a lot like busy school hallways, just on a larger scale. in the case of my convention, the maker's hall/vendor's space has the loudest chatter, as it has the highest concentration of people. some vendors in the makers hall play music at their booths, which can often be loud enough to be heard over the chatter so the overlapping noise might be overwhelming. good news is that they usually allow you to bring in your own bags with whatever you'd like (as long as it's not a danger to other attendees), so if you have anything you use to block out noise, those can be brought in! also, although it's not super common, a growing number of cons have "sensory packs" or smth similar available upon request that usually include something like ear plugs/noise cancelling headphones, so you could check for that beforehand if that's something you'd be interested in.

im not sure if you have any other sensory worries, but if there are, just lmk and i can give a rundown on the situation with that too!

now, as for the experience overall? it's incredibly fun!! it's probably not for everyone, but i really enjoyed it. the staff at my convention were, generally speaking, very nice, and i can say the same for the vast majority of the attendees i interacted with! i only had one truly bad experience with someone (a creepy attendee who kept recording me while i was just waiting in line for a panel), but that's just a risk that comes with attending any public event. there will always be a few bad apples unfortunately :(

also, prepare for the possibility of having your photo/video taken by folks at the con if you're cosplaying (ESPECIALLY if you're going as a more well known character), whether that be by staff covering the event or by folks who wanna take a selfie. the overwhelming majority of people have the basic decency to ask beforehand, but it's not a 100% guarantee. i had my photo taken so many times, as well as plenty of videos (namely during the cosplay competition), so be prepared for the possibility of that happening.

as far as the building goes, the venue itself was pretty standard. my city has one major events center, so this took place in a part of the complex used almost exclusively for cons. in this case, there were two major sections of the con: the maker's hall/vendor space (which has a mix of folks selling things, promoting their groups/podcasts/etc, photo ops with groups of cosplayers from the same media, celebrity guest booths, etc), and the panel/event hall. it all looks pretty plain, with fairly generic corporate decor (outside of the personally decorated booths), but it's fun to watch super colorful and interesting characters walking around what essentially looks like a glorified office space lol. lots of conventions do have fun with the decor, but this one wasn't one of them.

this was my first time cosplaying at a convention (first time cosplaying ever, technically), so i can say for certain that it's incredibly fun! folks are generally really kind towards beginner cosplayers, and it's really fun to walk around as someone other than yourself for a while. it's really nice seeing people's faces light up when you walk by, or being stopped for compliments on your costume. i had almost exclusively good experiences while interacting with everyone, and since everyone's just there to have a good time, very few people have the audacity to be bitchy about people having harmless fun (which is super refreshing).

i know this for super long, but i wanted to cover my bases and all that. im gonna cut this off now, as it's a lot to fit into one post, but i hope this helps to a degree!! if it doesn't, then i apologize, and im chill with clarifying or elaborating on other parts of the experience if you want more info :'D

[swiftnature-camp]

Camp counselor jobs: 5 Ways to find the best one

It's a lot of fun to get out in the sun with friends and family, but you might be wondering: how do I find the best camp counselor jobs? Well, we've got good news for you! We've got plenty of tips on how to find the best camps in your area and what steps you should take when applying. Let's get started!

Talk to former campers about the best camps in your area.

You can also ask former campers about the best camps in your area. They’re a great resource because they know exactly what kind of experience you’re looking for, and can give you insight into how to find it.

Ask these questions: What was your favorite part about this camp? What was the worst part? Did you enjoy it so much that you want to go back next year, or were there other activities (swimming lessons, arts and crafts) that interested you? If there are any other camps nearby with similar features but different locations, which one do they recommend over another?

Consider jobs for two people if you can't find one by yourself.

If you're looking for a camp counselor job and can't find one by yourself, consider finding one with a friend. You can split the cost of the camp and share some of the work—this way, both of you will get paid for your time. Plus, it'll be more fun! And don't forget: this is just an option; if neither of your friends has any good ideas about who should get what position at camp (and why), then maybe it's best to just hold off until another day.

Start looking early and be patient.

You can start looking for jobs as soon as you are done with camp. If you want to make sure that your first job is the best one, then start looking as soon as possible and don't give up on finding a job until after camp is over.

Some people think that they should immediately apply for jobs at the end of their summer program, but this isn't always necessary. It's better to wait until after your summer has ended so that when it comes time to look for work again in the fall, there will be more positions available than just being able to say "I have experience!"

Make sure the camp has a good reputation.

Check out the camp's website. If you're looking for a job at a summer camp, chances are it has an official website with information about camp counselor jobs and their programs. You'll probably find information about how to apply for jobs, how long the application process takes (and how long you can expect to be waitlisted), and what kinds of jobs are available. In addition to this information, make sure that when looking at online forms or listings of camps that there aren't any typos in them—this means someone who doesn't know what they're doing! A typo could result in an applicant not being hired or even getting rejected from an interview because of it.

We hope this article has helped you find the camp that is right for you. If you have any questions or concerns, please reach out to us at info@camps.com.

[moxfirefly]

I!! Have an request!! If you want, thats up to you! But how about the turtles have a friend (the reader) and no matter what they see hints of or how it seems she just doesnt seem to be in a relationship ever and then leo starts acting "odd" (in love) and one day michelangelo of all people catches leo and the reader in a romantic (or heated) moment! What do you think would happen? How would they handle their older brother in love? 😂 i just thought itd be a funny one-shot

Ok I’ve been wanting to tackle this for a while now and ima do my best for you friend, also I hope this reaches cause I know it’s been tough so I send you lots of love💕

Blue boi all in lovey dovey

Rated Mature (Romance but will a little sprinkle of smut) 18+ Only

Raphael squinted his eyes.

For the past twenty-two minutes he’d been wondering what was wrong with this picture. His breakfast was getting cold and he’d even neglected to smack Mikey’s hand away when he stole a piece of bacon off his place.

Raphael took pride in his observation skills, often he noticed plenty of things in his environment but while Donatello ran commentary on it he usually kept the information to himself. He shared a room with his youngest brother so he knew any odd shift when it came to Mikey. He is very close with Donnie, spending a few sleepless nights by his side while the genius tinkered away at projects, even lending a hand here and there.

Leonardo for all of his hard headed ways and their personality clashes, he felt he knew him well enough too. The leader though, was much more guarded in his emotions which made for some difficult moments to completely gage his older brother.

You on the other hand were an open book, plenty of times he’d spent time with you, getting to know plenty of your ticks and thoughts. Raph considered you a close friend, a confidant he could turn to.

But as you all sat together for a late breakfast. Mikey inhaling his while Donnie’s overworked eyes looked into his coffee cup as if lifes answers laid there, Leo and you were just sitting there, suspiciously.

You were still in your sleep wear, Leo’s groggy movements mechanical as he ate on autopilot. You yawned reaching for a coffee refill and without command or hesitation Leo had pushed the creamer and sugar towards you, going so far to place the exact amount of both in your mug. You had given him a sweet smile, reaching a hand to thumb a crumb away from the corner of his mouth.

Raphael raised a brow ridge, well naturally that could translate to common kindness. You all knew each other, often April had in some form or shape probably done something similar. He poked a few pieces of eggs into his mouth, now he was intrigued.

He picked up a few more instances where his curiosities got the better of him.

For instance one afternoon while you were over he had decided to gather info. Raphael had kitchen duty and you had stuck around to help him out. “What’s up with you?” A common not so invasive question, you shrugged. “Same old, same old” You gathered plates to set the table. Raphael kept his gaze at the task at hand, cutting tomatoes for the sauce he was preparing. “Yeah but have you done anything? Gone out with friends? Maybe found your future husband?” He chuckled even more so when you nudged him with an elbow. “A forget you have a sense humor under all that angst” Raph smiled, the two of you often bickered Iike this.

Truth be told you had never mentioned a boyfriend or a girlfriend, the subject was never really breached. With the amount of time you spent in the sewers with them it never came up if you had some partner or if you even were dating. Raphael added the tomatoes into a pot, you joined his side ready to help with more cutting of condiments.

Then Leo arrived and he felt the air shift, he peaked a glance at you, a small smile playing on your lips. Leo in turn greeting the two of you before he made his way towards the fridge to retrieve something to drink. “Want something?” He asked from the fridge and honest to God Raph was very sure he wasn’t asking him. You nodded extending a hand for the soda he gave you, he leaned against the fridge and chatted you up as nonchalant as ever.

Nothing in the small chat raised any flags, Raph’s sauce almost burning from how intently he was concentrating of quite literally eavesdropping on you two. You laughed at something he mentioned, that was bizarre because Leo was seriously not even funny but he could be biased on that end.

“Your hair looks pretty that way” Leo spoke, a tad bit shyly. Raph stirred the sauce, brow ridges shooting up, ‘real smooth big bro’ he couldn’t help but think. Then again he had probably at some point told April the same thing, well they all had commented on April being pretty in all manners of ways.

But this felt just the taddest bit different?

He excused himself having to get back to whatever he was doing. Raph squatted to get something from the bottom cupboards, he didn’t miss the blush on your cheeks.

“Yer hair does look nice like that” He tested, you beamed brightly at him. “Thank you, you’re very sweet when you put your heart into it” She teased smacking a hand towel at him.

Inconclusive results.

For now.

This stupid notion continued to bother Raphael, curiosity would kill the turtle in this case. He wanted to know if truly something was amiss there and you both being friends he wondered why you just hadn’t flat out told him what was up. Nevertheless he couldn’t drop the bomb on you, you could be motorfide or maybe deny it to high hell. Asking Leonardo was out of the question, he sure as hell wouldn’t say a thing.

So Raphael kept his gaze glued as you parted ways for the night. You gave a hug and kiss to everybody, quite normal for your loving nature. He got his hug and kiss, so did Donnie, April and Mikey. Once you landed on Leo you did the same.

He could’ve sworn you lingered a little more, going so far as to whisper something to him because Leo gave a little huff of a laughter and smiled. He definitely slid his hand away from your lower back quite slowly.

Maybe, just maybe...

One patrol night he got stuck with Leo while Mikey and Donnie were doing rounds on the truck. They were scouting out a bank that was rumored to be hit soon by a group of robbers. Raph didn’t mention you, in fact he patiently waited for these robbers to possibly show up.

Something vibrated and his gaze landed on Leo who was reaching a hand into his pocket to pull out his phone. His concentrated and serious featured softening with whatever he read on the screen. He typed back something quick, shaking his head from whatever image or words or whatever had been provoked out of him. “Everything good?” Raphael asked, Leo nodded as if back to ‘normal’ and that absolutely was suspicious in his book.

That night didn’t yield any resolution and honestly it’s around this time that Raph regrets this little task that had occupied his time. He had originally decided to leave it as inconclusive, at some point You two dummies had to say or do something. He had been rummaging his room for his hand wraps, more than ready to get his nightly workout in order. When he had come up empty handed he exited towards Leo’s room, he always had them which annoyed the red banded brute.

His first mistake was not knocking or making his incoming presence known. A rookie mistake considering he lived with three young adult brothers.

His second mistake was just barging in like he owned the place. An annoyed “Jesus Leo quick taking my shit” spewing out of him.

If mistakes One and Two had been adverted he wouldn’t be standing here, wide eyed and frozen.

Because he really didn’t need to see his brother stark ass naked on top of his best friend who he basically considered a little sister, equally naked to boot. There was a solid fifteen seconds where Raphael didn’t know if he running out was the best option, mumbling a ‘shit my bad’ was better or if covering his eyes and screaming at his brother that he better be a gentlemen to you cause you’re a great gal.

Leonardo’s hands cupped your exposed breast for modesty sake, the need for the ground to dramatically open up and swallow him whole heavy in his mind. You had squeaked when Raph barged in, hands super glued to Leo’s rear and god why couldn’t you scream and let go and scream some more.

Raphael finally turned around, an embarrassed heat breaking over his body as he groaned in disgust. “Shit fuck, sorry sorry! I didn’t see shit!” Oh but he did and oh did he crave bleach. “Raph get out! This is why you knock!” Leo chucked a pillow at his brothers shell. You had finally let go of Leo’s rear, covering your face in mortification. “Hang a sock or something outside then!! I can’t read minds!” Raph bellowed.

Mistake number 3 happened because Raphael was a drama Queen through and through and the shouting only helped to alert his brothers towards the room.

“Can you two not fight for five whole minu-OH GOD SORRY!” Donatalleo had exited as quickly as he had approached the room. Mikey thankfully barely saw anything since Raph and Donnie yanked him out which Leo was thankful, he knew Mikey would never let this situation go.

A very quiet hour passed by.

Nobody wanting to say anything. Mikey had left for the tunnels to skateboard for a while. Donnie had thrown himself into truck repairs not even wanting to discuss what his eyes had briefly seen.

And Raphael had sat on the couch, every few minutes making a face whenever his brain decided to bring back the nights events. He heard movement from Leo’s room, the small pitter patter that belonged to your feet. Raph kept his gaze down, whatever playing on the tv long forgotten, he saw your feet when they tentatively approached the couch.

“Um Raph” Your tone was hushed.

“Didn’t see anything, matter of fact nothing happened” Raph grabbed the remote, you sat down and sighed. “Listen you weren’t the one with your tits out here” You crossed your arms grumbling, Raph almost chortled but then he remembered Leo and simply made a face.

“Why didn’t you tell me you and him were a thing? We’re friends, I mean you can do better but you know” He smiled when he felt your elbow smack his arm. “He’s really nice don’t be so mean” You sat back on the corner, Raph looked at you, you were wearing an oversized shirt clearly spending the night.

“Sorry for ah, not knocking” Raph spoke softly.

“Sorry for no telling you I had it bad for your brother” You smirked, enjoying Raph’s disgruntled expression.

You scooted close and hugged his massive arm, Raph smiled. “He better be good to ya... and well, don’t break his heart, he’s an ass but he’s my big brother” You nodded against his arm.

You had stayed for a little before returning back to Leo’s room, the leader was reading on his bed but quickly looked up when you came in. “Everything alright?” He asked tentatively. You nodded climbing into bed and in between his legs to lay on him. “We could’ve so gone a better way telling everybody, at least it’s out and we can just be ourselves” You rested against him, Leo’s chin a top your head.

He wrapped his arms tightly around you and smiled. “I’m never living this down but I’m happy we can just be ourselves” He poked your sides earning an earnest squeal from you.

Outside Raphael could hear the quiet giggling and laughter. He was happy for the two of you, it made sense.

Mikey walked in, board in hand and sweaty from skating for hours.

“So Leo loses his V card first, huh brah?”

Raphael groaned.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i was kind of processing how the interaction between winston & rian is fascinating in 6x04 wherein that’s like, the one time we’re closest to something like rian trying to insult / shut down winston & ending up walking it back for any reason?

like in just the episode prior you have winston saying “your taunts don’t hurt me anymore” which seems to speak to a) they do & have hurt him & b) he thinks she thinks that’s the point such as that c) if he claims he’s not hurt, he thinks she might stop (where you know, the fact he’s maybe actively trying to stop it & the fact when she immediately gives him shit again anyways he is Put Out also means her taunts Do hurt him anymore) and while the scene ends with rian & winston seemingly totally amicable again / interacting constructively / validatingly enough, it doesn’t seem like rian’s been dissuaded from insulting winston on purpose for fun, much less when she just kind of does it more neutrally or out of annoyance

but here it’s that she clearly means the whole “oh, i guess that’d be you” bit as a Sarcastic Shutdown but then winston responds to it as if she’s in earnest & responds earnestly himself (like sidenote, do love how it’s a “we get it, you’re nonchalant” moment with him walking over like Clearly he has this all planned out how he’s gonna Coolly & Casually offer his algorithmic services to make himself useful to rian so they can hang out over interests maybe =] & then when he thinks rian’s responding positively / with enthusiasm he immediately gets more open/spontaneous/sincere himself with a breathlessness such that this feels similar to 5x07 for me lol) 

and once she realizes he’s taken it as a positive response both in like, the affirmative & her mood in delivering it, sure seems like this is where she actually walks this [pwn him / hurt him on purpose] response back & becomes more earnest herself & like, even if this is given & taken as an extensive “haha but no really you can’t come with me to help pack” a) it’s still like, more of a genuine exchange ft. her Again giving him plenty of further info about a personal interest (again comparing it to 5x07) & b) it becomes more general like, rather than an individual rejection of him, she’s explaining why she doesn’t want Any help or company.

just the “oh bud. buddy” like when has anyone ever lmfao. & sure it might be yknow oh Figure Of Speech / itself slightly sarcastic or exaggerated for humorous effect but like. not entirely, & her bothering to Correct him does seem amicably meant enough, even if she’s still making sure to tell him like no, no help or company. she doesn’t make sure that it’s Personal Rejectiony enough or comes with any further insults or anything, & again just seems to shift to this more earnest & spontaneous & Conversational approach from her as well.

like Fascinating because if she tries to hurt him, and he Gets that immediately & is hurt, she’s completely neutral about this or else feels Rewarded b/c she’s maybe entertained by successfully needling him or punishing him for being himself the way other people do mostly out of mere annoyance, not b/c they find it That fun to treat him contemptuously for its own sake (although see: shared negative opinion fastest social bond, naturally) or like “on principle” like no cringe nerd can go unpunished b/c then how can we all justify adhering our entire identities to these Rules about how to behave to be superior to others or at least tolerated....but if winston Doesn’t get that, & instead gets his hopes up, Then she feels motivated to Fix the situation and issue disclaimers more straightforwardly / like this is a friend or simply person she’s amicable towards she’s talking to, who she Doesn’t want to hurt for fun?

and who knows, this Could be interpreted as like, points towards “when rian insults / discourages winston it’s always completely In The Moment impulse,” certainly have noted how she might not notice Consequences b/c a) winston is in fact visibly negatively affected but he’s also always having to roll with things, so she might assume it’s fine actually & b) other people give winston shit, including both her (then) bosses right in front of her, repeatedly, on her first day on the job & her first time meeting winston, & c) other people who see her giving winston shit do not react to this, & related to (a), d) winston hasn’t particularly had a bigger reaction than that “your taunts don’t hurt me anymore” one, or if not necessarily more noticeable, simply more of a permanent shift than being disheartened but potentially restored to neutrality / amicability by the end of the same scene based on nothing in particular but the passage of twenty seconds or so....so here’s just an instance where maybe rian having to recalibrate because her initial [pwn him] approach didn’t work as planned is enough of a disruption that that impulse to pwn him is now not relevant, and she’ll simply talk to him, and in fact possibly talk to him in such a way as shows him some more like, basic consideration for his being a person lol, certainly further consideration for his feelings than “oh i’m trying to hurt them,” b/c the “oh bud, buddy,” section of what she says is hardly hostile or particularly insulting like, at all

idk Again it’s just fascinating when it’s like jeez do none of the instances of winston outwardly expressing through face journey or dialogue that he’s hurt discourage rian from insulting him / make it less rewarding to keep giving him shit over nothing or anything, where the answer is Apparently No, So Far, but when he’s Not hurt b/c he misunderstood & he responds more positively for it, suddenly she starts acting like she’s actually trying to Avoid hurting him. which is certainly interesting. like, is it secretly that if he can defeat her Impulsive Response to try to get a negative response from him, that’s enough to break through to this more earnest version of the interaction where actually she cares enough to try to Walk It Back so that he’s not actually That hurt? idk. really Of Interest though when there’s no other moment quite like it.

[kurishiri]

Hello ^^ I would like a romantic match up for Twisted Wonderland or/and Idolish7. Thank you for your time ♡

Age: 20+

Birthday: 8 October

Zodiac: Libra sun

MBTI: ENTP

Gender ID: Female she/her

Appearance: 5'9, dark brown hair and eyes, long weavy hair, full lips, almond eyes, light skinned, a (small) plussize figure

Hobbies are; drawing, playing pc games with friends, board games, costumes, going out. Amusement parks, I am huge history nerd ( I study archeology)

Dislikes and turn offs: dishonest, disloyal, money greedy people, stairs, mushrooms and playboys and coach potatoes

Likes and turn ons: loyal, kind, funny and people that smile alot. Kinda like yanderes XD

Looking for in partner: Someone who makes me feel comfortable, someone who is loyal, likes to do fun activities together. Someone who might also like board and card games. Appearance doesn't really matter for me.

— hey, suwisstuff! sure, i can do both for you! thanks so much for taking the time to request too. i'm excited to do one for idolish7 - you're the first, hehe. anyway, your matchups are below the cut!

matchups request info !!

⇢ cater is probably one of the most smiley people you'll ever know.

⇢ honestly, appearance probably wouldn't really matter to him. his sisters tend to care more about appearance, and i think that just caused him to... not care even more. he cares way more about personality.

⇢ that said, though, he does think you're pretty. (it's just he probably will focus more so on other aspects of you!)

⇢ you are both very extroverted. sure, opposites attract, but the same can be said for people who have similar personalities too!

⇢ his extroverted personality also contributes to his sense of humor. it can occasionally be a bit "exaggerated" but not really overbearing or cringy.

⇢ a natural social butterfly, it's quite easy to date him.

⇢ like, you won't even need to do much convincing for him to go out with you. he will very willingly go outside and do fun things with you, and he'll be plenty enthusiastic about it. he is one of the farthest people from a couch potato.

⇢ if you enjoy amusement parks, i think that could be an ideal date for you and cater.

⇢ go on rides together, buy ice cream and share it under the heat of the sun, take photos at the booth. he will make it fun for you with his natural charm!

⇢ word of caution though: despite his fun nature, he can have trouble focusing depending on the subject. he respects your interests, but it can be a bit hard to get him to listen to you talk about archeology, for example.

⇢ as long as you don't really bring up his family life way too much, as it can be a bit of a touchy subject for him, it'll be all good! he can make you happy, and he doesn't even have to change because you just fit together like two puzzle connected pieces that were meant to fit together.

⇢ you can't look at him and tell me he's not at least somewhat of a yandere who is all smiles. it may not be in a very romantic sense, but you and i both know how he is when someone hurts any member in i7.

⇢ sogo is kind to everyone, including you. if he's not kind to someone, it's always with a reason.

⇢ he is definitely more on the calm side, but he is by no means a couch potato either or anything like that.

⇢ to be honest, i could imagine him showing the costumes and outfits that he wears while singing - whether as i7 or mezzo" - to you! maybe let you try on some outfits.

⇢ if you're looking for comfort, sogo is perfect!

⇢ because he is more mature, he is also naturally a bit more sensitive. if you're feeling down for whatever reason, he will lend his own shoulder to cry on, without question.

⇢ also, sogo is fiercely loyal to those he cares about on any level. obviously, he's not afraid to give a scolding where it's due, but if anything, and i mean anything, is out to hurt them, he would be the first to jump in to protect. you, being his romantic partner, are no exception.

⇢ his obvious passion lies in music, but he's open minded, so if you ask him to play a card or board game with you, he will happily do so.

⇢ in fact, if it's you, he'd be willing to do just about anything, given it's within reason. he'd be willing to go outside of his comfort zone for you.

⇢ his sense of humor mainly comes from the shock factor, like how he dumps a whole bottle of sriracha on pizza. that, or give him some alcohol. he can also give you a good laugh when he's drunk enough.

⇢ overall, he is really well rounded. he would make a song dedicated to you, one that truly resonates with you.

i hope you enjoyed!

[alpacaparkaseok]

Where you should be

Chapter 2: Tacenda

Genre: Hobi x oc

Warnings: this series contains stalking, blackmail, and similar stressful/fear inducing situations. Also unrequited love, which is perhaps the most terrifying of all.

Word Count: 3.4k

Tacenda (n.) things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence

February 2019 - Continued.

“No.”

One syllable. A thousand pound weight pressing down on me.

Hoseok turns away before I can see if he believes me or not, his attention honing in on a black SUV that belongs to the company. A moment later, Do-yun is hopping out of the car with a deathly serious expression on his face.

I remain in the car when Hoseok gets out to speak with him, leaning up against the hood with his arms crossed. Their conversation is muffled, but I can still hear them clearly.

Do-yun is supposed to go back to the apartment to grab some necessities; and also do some snooping.

They’re speaking about the entire experience, Do-yun needs to know exactly what went down in order to understand if the people he’s supposed to protect have a new stalker. I never realized that his services could extend to me.

Leaning forward in my seat, I drop my head into my hands and close my eyes. It’s all too easy for my thoughts to drown out the sound of the conversation taking place just outside.

“Have you seen him before?” “No.”

Why couldn’t I just stick with a generic, ‘I don’t know’? Because the reality of the situation is simple: I really don’t. I have no idea who he is. Have I seen him before? Honestly, I might have. I might not have.

He’s only ever worn his hood and a mask before.

There’s no denying his aura, though. The man emits a certain dangerous air about him that has the majority of my apartment complex sticking together in groups of two or more. I just never thought that he would be after me.

Then again, maybe he’d heard about a certain idol dropping off a girl several times a week, and thought he should check it out. After all, Hoseok and the rest of the boys are no strangers to stalkers.

Judging from the stern look on Do-yun’s face as Hoseok’s back turns rigid, he takes these kinds of situations very seriously.

What kind of trouble have I landed us in?

The sound of a door opening has me lurching back upright, Hobi’s arm outstretched as he tries to calm me down like a startled animal.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he says. “Wanna hop out?” I do as he says, clenching my jaw as the chill of early spring hits me.

Do-yun steps forward, giving me a warm smile that is at odds with his muscular figure. “Hey, Sunny. How’re you feeling? You had quite the scare, it sounds like.”

I nod, staring down at his shoes. Hoseok’s arms encircle me, and he begins rubbing some warmth back into my shoulders.

“She was smart, though,” Hobi comments. “Locked the doors. She noticed way before I did.”

“Good.” Do-yun shuffles on his feet. “I’ll head over to your apartment complex now, would you like me to grab anything for you? Toothbrush? Clothes?”

I furrow my brows, looking back up at him, and then to Hobi. “Am I not going back tonight?” I thought that Do-yun was here to escort me back to my apartment.

Hobi’s hands pause in their ministrations. “Rin-ah, there’s no way you’re going anywhere near that guy. Just…” he pauses, then begins warming me up again. “Stay here tonight. I’ve got plenty of space. I’ll give you a ride to work in the morning, too.”

My frown doesn’t leave my face as I hand over my key to Do-yun, explaining what I need and where everything is. He promises to be back soon with my things, instructing me to jog my memory for any memories of the mystery man.

Once again I lie and say I will.

Once back inside Hobi’s apartment, I stand in the doorway like a ghost. It’s empty in here, now. Everyone else has gone home. And despite having been a frequent guest over the past month, I can’t help but realize just how different this is.

Hobi notices my obvious hesitation, and steps back over to the doorway. Crouching down, he unties my shoes for me.

“I’m sorry about tonight,” he starts, gently tapping on my ankle to signal for me to take the shoe off. “That was...horrible.”

I stare down at where he begins to untie the next shoe, watching his deft fingers at work. There’s a part of me that’s mesmerized by him and his kindness, the way he seems to fill me up with only a look. Yet, there’s another part of me that knows that all of this is wrong. Wrong, and I’m not doing a single thing to stop it.

“It was.”

My voice sounds like I haven’t used it in years, and Hobi glances up at me with concern in his eyes. He rises to his feet, and I kick off my other shoe before putting it on the rack. When I turn back around, Hobi stands just before me.

So close.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers.

Despite the circumstances, I still manage a wry smile. “How many times are you going to apologize for something that wasn’t your fault?”

What I’d hoped would make him relax only has him frowning. “What if it is my fault?” I open my mouth to protest, but Hobi stops me. “I’m willing to bet that somebody recognized me dropping you off and tipped some reporter off. I should’ve been more discreet, I shouldn’t have been so careless with you. You’ve already had agencies trying to track you down, I’m not helping by-”

My hand moves of its own accord, coming to rest over Hobi’s mouth as I effectively shut him up. Watching as his eyes widen a bit, I sigh.

“It’s nobody’s fault, so quit blaming yourself right now.”

Stepping around him and walking toward the living room, I glance back at him over my shoulder. He stands there frozen, running his hands through his hair as though contemplating tearing it out.

♟

We’ve made it through two episodes of The Office by the time Do-yun returns. His visit is quick, he drops off my few belongings and doesn’t say much on what else he found out. He simply states that he couldn’t find a man that fit the description Hobi gave him, but he did speak with the landlord briefly.

Apparently more will be analyzed in a meeting tomorrow with Bang PD. The thought of tonight being discussed with Bang PD nearly makes me sick, and I excuse myself to use the bathroom.

The process of hiring me was a long and complicated one. Honestly, I’m still in shock that it even happened. Due to the extensive hiring process, there were a few things that Bang PD made absolute sure to emphasize when creating my contract.

1. My 7 year contract with Bighit entertainment would immediately be under fire if I began entertaining job offers from competing agencies even a day before my contract officially ended.

This, of course, made perfect sense. Most contracts have something to the same effect; which is why when I was still under Source entertainment I had to be very careful when traveling to Bighit during my trial period. It would have been a complete mess if they’d found out about me, and Bighit would have most likely not hired me just to save themselves from controversy.

Over the past few months of employment at Bighit, I have received my fair share of ‘trackers’ from other agencies that are wondering where Ha-rin from Source entertainment disappeared to. So far, I’ve managed to avoid them, thus saving myself and Bang PD from criticism. Most people have no idea that Jung Ha-rin and Sunny are the same person. I’d like to keep it that way.

2. It is not allowed, under any circumstances, for me to become involved in any sort of relationship that goes beyond the label ‘friendly’ with idols under the Bighit label.

What does this mean for me when Do-yun enters the meeting tomorrow with Bang PD with the story of J-hope and Sunny out late and running into a potential stalker? What does it mean for me when he finds out that I stayed at his top idol’s apartment?

It’s grounds for termination. And right now, exiting the bathroom and heading back downstairs in my pajamas, following the sounds of the TV, I know that I can’t afford to be fired. Not now, just when the world is starting to open up for me.

Not now, when I finally found someone I can trust.

“Sorry, I started the next episode without you,” Hobi says from where he’s sprawled out on the couch. “Do you want me to start it over?”

I shake my head, pulling my phone out. “No, that’s fine. I think I should head to bed, anyways.”

Jumping up from the couch, Hoseok strides over to me. “Good idea. You’ve had quite the day today. Good thing the mattress for the guest room got here last week, isn’t it?” He chuckles to himself as I remember the day I came over for dinner and found a project waiting for me instead. Together with Taehyung and Jimin we put together the bed, but not without a large amount of yelling and collapsing dramatically to the ground.

I snicker at the memory, watching as Hobi goes before me to open the door and flick the light on. The light blue tones of the room welcome me and I nearly start sobbing at how soft the bed looks. I really do need to sleep.

Arranging my clothes for the next day, Hobi hesitates in the doorway. I speak up for him.

“Thanks for letting me stay the night, Hobi. I really appreciate it.”

He perks up at the sound of my voice, the sight making me both melt and wince at the same time. “Of course. Anytime. You know that, don’t you?”

I frown, turning to look at him. He stands there looking a little uncertain, his hand clutching the door handle for dear life.

“Know what?”

He shrugs, looking anywhere but at me. “That I’m here for whatever you need.”

I think I’m starting to understand it. “I...thank you. Really.”

He mumbles out a goodnight before gently closing the door behind him, the sound of his feet padding down the hallway making me smile before I even realize why.

My smile is wiped off my face quick enough when I remember what I need to do. There’s no need to get Hobi in this mess; heaven knows he’s got enough on his plate already. Pulling my phone out, I type in the contact info until Bang PD’s contact pops up.

The message takes a long time to write out, but I want to make sure I’m very clear in it. I explain the situation, how Hobi and I are good friends and that this is all just some big misunderstanding. I beg him not to take it the wrong way; that first and foremost we are professionals.

For the second time that night, I lie. Typing out the words, ‘I have no feelings for him’ seems nearly impossible, but I manage to do it.

Just when I start to feel sorry for myself, I remind myself that this is what I signed up for. This is what I wanted, isn’t it? Have a shot at Bighit, produce some music and make some friends along the way?

That’s what we are, I chant in my mind over and over again as my fingers fly over my phone. Just friends.

It doesn’t take long for Bang PD to reply. I can’t really blame him if this is the fastest he’s ever responded to my texts; we are talking about one of his greatest assets after all. He certainly wouldn’t want J-hope, the sunshine of the world, to be caught sneaking around in the dark with the producer Bighit bought out an entire company for.

I can already see the tabloids with their blaring headlines, claiming that Source entertainment was bought out just so J-hope could get with some girl. Not only would it tarnish both our image, it would make GFRIEND a laughing stock. How would it feel to be the group that was tossed around agencies just so your producer could get a shot at love?

It’s not true. Not of it is true. Yet I can already picture how it would be, shouting that at reporters over and over again as they laugh and ask why not? Why else would I be hired?

Why else would some 20-something producer from the middle of nowhere be hired on at one of the most successful agencies in k-pop history?

I’m staring at my phone, at the six-word answer Bang Sihyuk typed out. With the vision of my life being ruined as well as many others, I see the wisdom in his words.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t still sting.

1:42 am Bang PD - Bighit: End it before it can begin.

♟

I’ve been discovering patterns on the ceiling for nearly twenty minutes when a quiet knock on my door pulls my attention away.

Laying here on Hobi’s guest bed, I keep finding the same message over and over again traced on the ceiling. 

End it before it can begin.

What is that even supposed to mean? Was I not clear enough in my message? Did he know I was lying when I said I felt nothing for Hobi?

Maybe he wants me to draft a statement for the press, have one ready to go in case all of this goes south. Maybe he’s expecting my resignation in the morning.

However, when I hear Hoseok knocking on my door, I know exactly what Bang PD meant by his message. And I hate him for it.

A couple of seconds pass before Hobi slowly opens my door just enough to peek in. When he sees that I’m awake, he gives me a sheepish smile before stepping inside.

He must have just finished getting ready for bed; he smells amazing. His skin is glowing with that fresh just-washed glow, and he’s wearing a robe over his t-shirt and shorts.

It’s a look that anybody else would look subpar in. And yet, I can’t help the way my eyes widen a little just to be able to see more of him.

“I saw that your light was still on and decided to come check on you. Why are you still up?”

His reasoning has me smiling softly at him before I remember why I was still up in the first place. Eyeing my phone that sits on the nightstand, I pray that Bang PD doesn't decide to call me right now.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I don’t mean for it to come out as a whisper, but it does anyway. Hobi nods, edging in closer.

When he finally stands before my bed, I move over just enough for him to take a seat. He smiles at our unspoken communication, and my heart withers as I remember what I’ve just been told to do.

But what if there’s nothing to even stop?

It’s that kind of thinking that finds me with my head resting in Hobi’s lap, eyes closing as he feathers through my hair. He asked what usually helped me to relax, and I didn’t even hesitate that people playing with my hair was the way to do it.

I’m barely clinging to consciousness at this point, a layer of goosebumps rising when Hobi’s fingers scratch over a particularly sensitive part of my scalp.

“You drove so fast tonight,” I mumble out, not even bothering to open my eyes. Hobi’s quiet laugh trickles down to me.

“I did, didn’t I?”

“I even told you to slow down, but you completely ignored me.” My voice is heavy with sleep, but Hobi doesn’t seem to mind. It’s a wonder that he’s still so coherent.

“You did?” He lets out a breathy laugh. “I didn’t even notice. My mind was elsewhere, I think.”

I peek one eye open, watching as he smiles down at me, his finger coming down to trace a line from the crown of my head to the tip of my nose.

“Where was your mind?” I ask, completely aware that I might not be making the most sense.

Hobi shrugs. “I just knew I had to get you out of there. Do you know that was the first time I ever felt comfortable driving?”

I hum in response, my eyes falling shut again. Hobi resumes his pattern, occasionally trailing his fingers along my cheekbones or tracing my eyebrows.

If I were more awake, I’d be redder than a tomato. Thankfully this is happening way past my bedtime. Although a part of me knows that I’ll be freaking out in the morning.

“Rin-ah,” Hobi whispers. “Can I talk to you about something?”

I’ve had enough heart-stopping moments for one night, this just about kills me. Groaning as I sit up, I try to focus on Hoseok.

“Can’t this wait until morning, Hobi?” I hide my yawn behind my hands. “I’m so tired now. I nearly just fell asleep.”

Hobi shakes his head earnestly. “No, it can’t. I don’t think I’ll be able to say it in the morning.”

Suddenly I’m wide awake.

Looking at him warily, I chew on my options of what to say. “Are...are you sure? I think we’re both really tired and out of our minds after tonight-”

“I’ve been out of my mind for a while now, RIn-ah.”

My mouth snaps shut as Hobi turns to face me fully, our knees grazing. “Are you calling yourself insane?”

Hobi laughs, the sound reminding me of crystal. “No. Well, maybe yes?” He sighs, running his hands over his face before looking back at me. “I think I’ve been out of my mind since I met you. You...you’re everything. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Never. And I’ve been freaking myself out for the past six months since I finally got up the nerve to talk to you, always playing this game of does she or doesn’t she, trying to figure out if you feel the same way.”

“Hobi…”

“But I’ve just now realized something monumental.” Hobi’s eyes grow wide as he smiles at me, not a hint of fear in his expression. “It doesn’t matter if you feel the same as me. Even if you feel only a fraction of what I feel for you, that’d be enough. I think I love you enough for the both of us.”

His words drop like anvils on my head, each one pummeling me down deeper and deeper until I’m looking up from the grave I’ve dug for myself. I already know what my tombstone will read.

End it before it can begin.

As I stare into his eyes, I watch as the joy slowly turns to doubt and insecurity as the silence carries on.

If this were a different story, I’d be kissing those lips instead of watching them turn into a frown.

“Say something,” Hobi breathes out. “Please just say something.”

What happens if I can’t?

My mouth remains sealed shut, caging in the words that are dying to be spoken. I’ve been out of my mind for months, too. He’s moving away from me now, turning to plant his feet back on the ground. You have no idea just how far I’ve fallen for you. His head is down as he braces his hands on the side of the bed.

Those fingers that were so delicately tracing my brow just moments before are now white as they cling to the mattress as though trying to wake himself up from this nightmare.

“...you don’t.” His voice is strained, his face a reflection pool of all his emotions as he turns to look at me. There’s a single flicker of hope still lingering in those eyes, a softness that I’ve found is reserved just for me.

I take one last look at that beautiful gaze, knowing that it will be the last time Jung Hoseok looks at me this way. I want to remember it.

My head feels like it’s swimming through concrete as I shake it once, telling him what I have to.

No.

A single syllable, represented by a single shake of the head. A thousand pound weight pressing down on me.

The snick of the door shutting is quiet as Hoseok lets himself out.

Previous - Next

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taglist:  @taylorroe3​ @dreamcatcherjiah @diorhoba @eusticenatalie @ddaeng-i-need-help

[calamity-bean]

Wanted a better look at the embellishment on Yvon’s jacket, so I took some caps! Some general observations:

The jacket is basically in the cut of a tunic, falling to about midthigh and with the left breast wrapping over the right so that the sides of the lower skirt-like part overlaps.

Symmetrical decorative patterns are found around the collar (meeting in a shallow vee over his upper back and gently tapering in front to form lapel shapes that terminate around the waist, covered by his belt) and also around the sleeve cuffs.

The prevailing motifs seen in these designs differ between collar and cuffs. The ones around the collar seem abstract: curving linear and geometric patterns. The cuffs, however, share the curving line style but are more representative, depicting floral/botanical elements.

I had initially wondered whether some of the round/raised bits might be beads rather than thread. I found some real close-up shots in which you can see the stitching, though, and it looks like the bits I thought might be beads are just loops or whorls of thread, so I think I can confirm that it’s all thread embroidery.

I’m putting the rest of this under a cut because it’s quite long, but: basically, I was interested in the style of decoration on his jacket, particularly the floral aspects, and attempted to do some historical research. I honestly was not as successful as I would’ve liked, and this post has actually been sitting in my drafts for almost two weeks now because I kind of got stuck. But on reflection, I still do want to share the screenshots as references, my observations, and at least the gist of what I looked into and what I found.

So! Under the cut: rambles about what interested me and what info I was looking for, links to the work of modern Ojibwe and Métis artists, and also a brief note on Yvon’s rifle strap, which I think is quite interesting as well!

Basically, when I was initially collecting the above images, my interest was particularly piqued by the floral decorations on the cuffs. The show identifies Yvon as Anishinaabe, and Zahn / Nat Geo have identified him specifically as Ojibwe, and I had a vague memory of reading at some point that Ojibwe art is particularly associated with floral designs. Floral designs not being solely unique to Ojibwe art among indigenous arts, and Ojibwe designs not being solely limited to floral ones, but a strong association nonetheless. I think most famously this takes the form of colorful, intricate embroidery with tiny glass beads:

(image source: Native American Artist-in-Residence: Jessica Gokey)

This is often done on black velvet or, as in the case of some of Gokey’s work that I saw, on black broadcloath, which I would say is probably about the same type of fabric Yvon’s jacket is made of — a plain, dense, sturdy wool. Although my understanding is that Ojibwe didn’t begin using colored glass beads of this sort until they acquired them via trade with Europeans in about the 19th century, beads made of other materials would, of course, still have been available in Yvon’s time, and I was still curious about whether the designs themselves on his jacket accurately reflect authentic patterns and motifs used by Ojibwe people. What was clothing and decoration like among Ojibwe and Anishinaabe people in the 17th century? What styles and materials were used? Are the elements in Yvon’s embroidery more generic, or are they recognizably specific in style to his culture, etc.?

And so I began with the Wiki-ing and the Google Scholaring and the skimming of articles. Unfortunately, a lot of the most promising-looking sources were only available as printed books (some of them quite expensive, too), so I didn’t have access to them, but from the articles I was able to browse, I did learn some relevant things. I found sources saying that before glass beadwork, Ojibwe decoration did use other types of beads and also used embroidery, which tracks with what we see on Yvon. I found a number of sources saying that floral motifs specifically were introduced to people of the Northeastern Woodlands in the 17th century via contact with Europeans, particularly nuns, who brought with them their floral embroidered fabrics and their floral folk arts.

However...

Although there were plenty of mentions of Ojibwe beadwork and floral designs, and a good number of more modern examples, I had difficulty finding in-depth information that discussed it specifically in the context of Barkskins’s time period (or prior to European contact, either). Sources focusing on the art in later time periods might still be relevant to what Ojibwe decorative arts were like in the 17th century, but I just don’t know enough to know. The example images I found were of beadwork from the 19th century or later, and even then, they were buried in a slew of Pinterest results that I really don’t consider reputable sources, because sure, they might be legit, but they might also be completely mislabeled. 

In general, I felt less than confident about what my searches turned up. This is a topic I know little about, have no personal or academic experience with (not being Ojibwe and not having formally studied anything relevant to this), and I’m wary of misinformation here because I know that indigenous people have spoken about seeing biased, simplified, and outright inaccurate info presented even by sources that should seem credible, like museums. Not to mention conflicting info. Remember I mentioned I read about floral designs being introduced (or at least popularized) by European art? And yet I also saw other sources rejecting this idea that Ojibwe floral motifs have their roots in colonizers’ art rather than simply in drawing their own inspiration from nature. In general, I just didn’t feel confident that I had the insight or education necessary to evaluate my sources or synthesize conflicting info, and my brief, superficial research didn’t seem reputable or interesting enough to shed any particular light on Yvon’s clothing. So I basically put this post aside.

(image source: Native American Artist-in-Residence: Sarah Agaton Howes)

But ultimately, I still want to highlight Yvon’s embroidery, even if only from an aesthetic, costume-detail perspective, and I also want to share some of the lovely videos showing the work of modern Ojibwe artists I came across while I was looking all of this up! Here’s another link to this video featuring the work of Jessica Gokey, which I inserted near the top, and here’s one in which Greg Bellanger discusses some of the history and process of his art. In this interview, Sarah Agaton Howes brings up the idea of Ojibwe floral designs as a historical means of teaching about medicines and preserving that cultural knowledge, especially in times when passing down such knowledge was suppressed. I thought that was very interesting and am kicking myself because I did actually look briefly at a thesis extract on Ojibwe botanical/medicinal knowledge, but now I can’t find it again. I also enjoyed this shorter video with Howes as well. And this video featuring the work of Delina White gives us some examples of these floral designs primarily as embroidered thread, like on Yvon’s clothing, rather than as beadwork:

(image source: Delina White)

The final video I’ll link is this one, which is about Métis floral beadwork rather than Ojibwe. I don’t know how similar/different the two styles are (nowadays or historically), but since Métis share roots with Ojibwe and Anishinaabe people, and since Métis culture developed out of the setting, cultural interactions, and approximate time period of Barkskins, I thought it still relevant enough to rec here. Not to mention that it’s just pretty and I wanna rec it. All of these videos offer a lot of interesting information and perspective on the craft itself as well as on the history and tradition.

Before I go… One little costume detail I do feel reasonably confident offering my own speculation on is that the decoration on Yvon’s rifle strap appears to be quillwork — porcupine quills dyed and shaped into designs. I could be wrong, but the texture, colors, and pattern look very similar to the examples I’ve seen, and it’s an art form that would certainly have been established, culturally relevant, and available to him in this time period. So that’s the tiny bit of original input I’ll contribute to this post!

In general, I think the whole Barkskins team — costume design very much included — has shown that they put a tremendous amount of research and thought into the design and construction of this show. I’m sure Yvon and his costume were no exception. And I love the overall look!

[mha-adore]

hey! ty sm for doing the matchup exchange with me, i look forward to writing your match! i’m rita and i go by she/her pronouns. i have a preference for men & i’m 16. my quirk would be similar to shinso & inumaki from jjk,, i can control ppl and animals just by saying a command,,, an indicator for when i’m using my quirk would be my eyes changing color & a side effect to using my quirk would be getting light headed.

i’m a libra sun, aquarius moon, & leo rising. a slytherin & intj-t. i’m v polite and reserved when you first meet me. i’m pretty introverted and i have anxiety. it takes me while to open up since it takes me a while to trust ppl. i do tend to get annoyed and angry by others easily,, i’m a bit of a hot head. i’m pretty chill and like joking around once i open up,, i can also be kinda dumb. i’m a bit of a loner and i don’t have many friends. i’m actually a bit of an emotional person but only when it comes to shows, movies, books, etc,, i tend to keep my emotions bottled up. i’m self conscious and self critical. i care a lot about having perfect grades and getting into a good university but i’m so lazy (lots of breaks & procrastination) at the same time,, i end up getting everything done on time though. i’m impatient when it comes to my own things so i like doing things my way bc i feel more comfortable that way. i also like keeping things neat. i’ve also been told i have a resting sad face & that i’m intimidating. i wear a lot of black and i’d describe my style as dark academia mixed with 70s-90s fashion. when i’m at home i just wear comfortable clothing like pajama pants and a t-shirt.

my likes/hobbies/interests are baking, playing the sims, writing, and playing board games with ppl i’m close to. i also like relaxing in bed and spending time with people i’m close to and having fun. i’m interested in psychology, true crime, & history. i don’t like arrogant & closed minded people. i look for a partner who is loyal, kind, & open-minded. my love languages are gifts and quality time (both ways).

i hope this isn’t too much,, ty again! <3

Hey friend, it's my pleasure! Thanks sm for offering 💖

Can I just say super quick that your quirk is really cool? You could command an army of bears, raccoons or fire ants. I would be terrified. Also I'm an Aquarius moon and INTJ too, air moons gotta stay together. I totally got a Libra vibe off you when you first messaged me and you're super sweet 🎀 also I totally get you on the anxiety part, I have anxiety too. I know how terrifying it can be to reach out to new people so please know I'm proud of you for taking the chance to reach out to me 😊 and it's never too much; the more detail the better!

I match you with Shoto!

Say hi to the walking AC and heater unit. A couple reasons I picked him is because you mentioned having anxiety and being hot headed. With his father being, well, himself and his mother being the anxious person she is, Shoto understands both sides of the coin very well and knows how to deal with both parts. He can balance being calm and stern at the same time and he has the patience of a saint. He would give you the time and space you need to grow comfortable around new people and surroundings, as well he would be able to keep you grounded when your temper gets the best of you. He mellows you out. My personal headcanon is that he's a Capricorn sun, Scorpio moon, Virgo rising, Ravenclaw and INFP.

He returns your jokes with dry humor. He can keep a dead serious face while making the stupidest jokes too. He could look you dead in the eye, face straight, and rip a monster fart and not giggle just to see your reaction. Honestly the image of him holding eye contact while aggressively farting is funny in my head. I know I have the humor of a 9 year old.

He isn't bothered by you not having many friends. He's a private person and doesn't want a lot of people up in his business. He prefers few close friends over many distant friends. He knows you aren't stupid and pays no attention to anything you say that may sound dumb. He's heard so much dumb shit he learned to filter it from his brain.

He understands that you're closed off on your emotions. He really can't blame you, he's quite the same. If you get a little teary eyed over a book or movie he'll let you talk it out and cry if you'd like, but he won't push you to be uncomfortably open to him. He values your happiness over his own and doesn't mind you keeping your feelings to yourself. He respects your privacy. Regardless of what you may feel conscious or critical of about yourself he's there to remind you that you're perfect. You're healthy, you're strong and you're doing the best you can. No one could ask any more from you. He's lived a majority of his life feeling outcasted and ignored because of his scar and wouldn't wish the same on anyone, so if there's any part of you that you feel bad about he's always reminding you that you have no imperfections, everything about you makes you one of a kind. You're irreplicable.

He isn't worried about you procrastinating on studying or homework. As long as you get it done and do well enough he isn't concerned. If you ever have difficulty with a subject he's happy to help you study and learn. If you want he can ask Momo to join for a study party if you want the extra help or company. He just wants to see you succeed and get into the college of your cotton candy dreams. Oh and don't worry about your tuition, he has it covered. Don't even mention it to him it'll already be paid off, including books and living arrangements. He only wants you to pay him back by doing your best in school and showing him you can handle the hard work.

He always has a suggestion on ways you can do things but he knows you prefer to do them by yourself, so he'll neber bombard you with his ideas. If you ask for his input he has plenty to give but otherwise he gives you the room to make your own moves. He's a neat freak himself and is always happy to help you keep your room clean and well put together. He has good room decor ideas too if you want to spruce up your room.

He really doesn't see you as intimidating. He sees a confident, independent and strong young woman who can hold her own. He occasionally wonders if you're really sad or if that's just your expression and he'll occasionally ask. He's only making sure you're okay. If you're sad he's on it with a cute or funny movie, some snacks, a shoulder to cry on and a whole night's worth of stuff to talk about.

He likes your sense of fashion, he enjoys darker and warmer colors. He lives for the 80s aesthetic and loves to see you mix the two so effortlessly. He can, wants to and will give you his t shirts to wear at home. He'll also loan you hoodies and sweaters. He won't outright buy you a hoodie, he'll buy one for himself and let you get away with stealing it from him.

He's so soft for home made cookies and would love for you to make him some. Home made dinners are also great. He would love to help you bake and would enjoy baking dates. He'll also watch shows like Hell's Kitchen with you. He isn't exactly a huge gamer but he likes simulation games and RPGs like Sims, Animal Crossing, Pokemon, Harvest Moon etc. He'll binge these games with you all day and night. Your Sims have to get married to each other it's the law. He enjoys reading what you write - what you don't mind sharing of course. He won't go peeking in your personal writing, he knows it isn't his place. Concerning what you do share he'll read it with great interest and share his thoughts and any ideas he has. He would really enjoy writing something with you, like a short story or a comic. He loves how you convey your writing and would be honored to take part in it. His favorite board game is Candy Land, a close second being Monopoly, followed by Scrabble. He pulls out a big ass dictionary during Scrabble just to prove to people that he knows his vocabulary. He loves you dearly but all bets are off during Monopoly, it's a dog eat dog world and he isn't bailing you out of jail. He will, however, offer you real money in turn for properties in the game. No that isn't cheating the rules say nothing about it. He has no problem with a lazy day in bed though and wouldn't mind just dozing or watching shows together. Any time spent with you is time spent well. You two could watch paint dry together and he would have a blast. He'll buy the paint.

With his personal involvment in hero work he has lots of info on true crime cases and can share stories and books with you. He has everything from small robberies to Ted Bundy and beyond. If you have a question about a true crime case he has an answer. As for psychology I imagine he would study it himself, perhaps as a secondary career or freelance hobby. He'll examine characters from books and movies with you and run his own behavioral analysis unit from his bedroom. The FBI doesn't hold a candle to him. He can, will and already has tracked down your enemies and he has their addresses. With his father being the new number one hero he essentially has the force of the law in his hands and if need be, he will use it. He won't do anything unjust unless your safety is in jeopardy but he won't hesitate to bring someone down. As for history he has plenty of books ranging from founding of countries to wars, to major technological advancements to the invention of toilet paper. He knows some very niche history facts. If you need to impress a teacher with knowledge on history he has you covered. He'll make the teacher quit their job in shame.

Shoto is absolutely loyal to the end, open minded and kind to a fault. He understands how it's like to be ignored, misunderstood and bullied and he won't treat anyone else that way. Regardless of his opinion on someone he still gives them respect and kindness. He doesn't care how rude or petty someone acts, they're still a human and deserve to be treated as such.

He goes out of his way to buy you special gifts, he values personal meaning over monetary value. Between a basic cheap necklace and an expensive bracelet of your favorite gemstone and color, you bet he's going for the bracelet. The cost isn't important to him, he just wants to see your face light up when you open the gift. As for gifts from you he doesn't care about how much you spent, he just wants something from the heart. You could give him an origami swan that cost you nothing to make and he would treasure it like a rare antique. As for quality time, he always enjoys a good movie, board game, cuddle session or just a nap. Like I mentioned before, any time spent together is time spent well.

I hope you enjoyed this friend!! 🥀 I'll be sending my part your way soon, thanks again for the offer! I had a lot of fun with this one 😘

[whimsywit]

Hello, I was hoping to get a red velvet truffle...?

I use he/they pronouns and I have no gender preference. I'm an average height and im a minor, I don't know much about zodiac stuff but I think it depends on birthday and my bday is on september 4th.. and I have shaggy/wavy dark red box dyed hair that reaches my shoulders and brown eyes lol I wear neat glasses too. I have pretty cool piercings, I usually wear baggy clothes because I like to stay comfortable.

I'm a very lazy/laidback person and I like getting into alot of playful banter n joking around with people im comfortable with. I am very people dependent and I hate being alone. I don't consider myself all too smart to be honest I'm wistfully ignorant lol. I have a not so good temper. I have trouble putting my thoughts and emotions into words and instead they're more present....physically if that makes sense idk like i said before i have trouble with this shit lol. I try my best to help my friends with any issues they have but I'm kind of awful at it.I am a very passionate person and I think I can be a very good person but I'm just so full of doubt that it makes me wonder if I'm just lying yakno? LOL. I kind of really rather go with the flow of thinks yakno? I'm really easy to fluster/embarrass and I am way too sensitive for my own good.

Random lil things about me, I used to do karate I hated every second of it but I still think fighting cool as fuck, I have awful music taste none of it makes sense I go from nasty screaming music to soft cheesy love pop songs it sucks but im really into singing too, i like playing games any kind of games but I usually suck at them 

I like dark and stormy weather nd hanging out with friends while just doin fun stuff. I really like savory foods as well. I dislike the heat and just being dirty/sweaty, I also have an irrational hatred of naps because i feel like im losing so much time i could be using to do stuff. My fears are being as bad as the people who hurt me in the past, and bugs haha. I really just wanna be successful in my life and amount to something! Have a good job a good house yakno yakno all that good stuff.

Traits I look for is someone who has a sense of humor even if its just a lil bit, someone sweet who will take time to understand me n stuff like that lol.. Someone I can find comfort in without feeling stupid about it. I really admire people who are empathetic since I have trouble being empathetic myself. Traits I'm not interested in are like people who are way too serious and uptight, not that being serious is a bad thing but i just can't groove with it.

Ok thats all, thank you very much :)❤ -👹🍁🌋

Heya! Tysm for requesting, and also in case you were curious, your main zodiac aka sun sign is Virgo (tho that doesn’t really come into play in your matchup mb 😅) Anyway, based on your info, I think you’d be perfect with...

Eijiro Kirishima!

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Gosh you’re giving Tetsutetsu a run for his money with how similar you and Eijiro are! Both of you are passionate yet easygoing people... people (as in people-person but plural? ignore that it was so ineloquent 😅) who are more focused on and inclined towards the physical than anything else. On one hand it means youre unafraid of being close and touchy, and thus very affectionate with one another, which is good news for your dependency trait! On the other hand, you guys do have to study a LOT more than some of your other friends, most often with their help cause its not like you guys are gonna get anywhere by yourselves ffgjsvksdj But being in the same boat and bearing the brunt of it together makes it a lot better, trust! And you throw in plenty of gaming and joint hair-dying dates to balance it out dw ;0

Actually, I could go on and on about all the stuff you two get up to together! Plenty of sparring sessions since he loves a good ol fight just as much as you, hanging out with the bros while sharing savory snacks all around, and singing at the top of both your lungs to anything and everything, since I can see his music taste being all over the place, too. There’s never a dull or tense moment between you, as making you laugh (and occasionally taking advantage of your sensitivity since he thinks you’re the cutest thing in the world when you’re flustered ^w^) quickly become some of his favorite things to do.

Eiji is definitely able to stand your temper—just look at his blond best bud—and always calms you down whenever you rage. He also sees and loves how want to be a good person, help out those around you, and just make an impact. In his mind it’s super admirable that you’re even trying, and effort is half the battle after all! We’ve also seen how he’s struggled with self-image and self-doubt in the past, so he empathizes with your feelings in spades and is more than willing to help and encourage you while you overcome it. ALSO also, thinks all your piercings are manly as hell, and it probably inspires him to get some of his own, which sidenote he looks super hot in so tysm for blessing the world with that 🥺

All in all, you and Eijiro perfectly walk the line between comfortable and intimate. Every moment with him is filled with good vibes as he brings out the best in you, understanding, comforting, and protecting you (at least when any bugs show up for that last one lmfao) like no other while never minding any of your flaws! This guy’s honestly such a perfect sweetie but you more than deserve someone as great as him 💗💞

[shallatel]

Sinrael Shalla’tel - Character Sheet

The Basics ––– –

Age: Older Adult

Birthday: November 13th

Race: Undead High Elf

Gender: Male

Face / Body Claim: No real life claims, his face and body are his own.

Sexuality: Demi

Marital Status: Married, Polyamorous

Server: Wyrmrest Accord

Physical Appearance ––– –

Wardrobe: Unique, in a word. Old stained lab coats, typically worn open with decorative bandages across a mostly bare chest, leather pants and big plate boots.

Hair: Big, curly, and faded ginger in color with streaks of white at the temples.

Eyes: Left that classic “Icecrown” blue, right absent, typically fitted with a rune-powered mechanical prosthetic in acid green with camera-lense like action. Sometimes wears a leather patch instead.

Height: A throwback to Night Elven heritage, he’s very tall at 6′6″.

Build: Broad at the shoulders and thin at the hips with bone showing here and there similar to many Forsaken, or perhaps a ghoul. His remaining muscle tissue is exaggerated in an unnatural fashion.

Common Accessories: Gaudy belt buckles, skull motifs, goggles.

Distinguishing Marks: Exposed, mutated ribs and spine, mutated ghoulish hands and claws, bulky ghoul-like sharp teeth, mismatched skin grafts, generally pale grey skin. 

Personal ––– –

Profession: Necrotech - he’s skilled with technology and magitech in general, but shines brightest when combining mechanics with necromancy.

Hobbies: Crafting, keeping and training various undead constructs, but particularly dog-abominations. He also enjoys people-watching, fueling his interest in psychology and sociology.

Languages: Fluent Thalassian and Gutterspeak, rough Common and Orcish.

Residence: Owns a once respectable estate in the Ghostlands, which remains livable aside from the Scourge, which are... not a problem for him.

Birthplace: Silvermoon

Religion: Bears a cult-like remembrance and adoration for Arthas’ time as the Lich King. Despite this he has minimal interest in Bolvar Fordragon, believing him too soft for the position, and refuses to associate with the Jailer, despite having felt his pull as many Scourge in Icecrown did.

Relationships ––– -

Spouse: Azriad Shalla’tel

Children: 2 boys (deceased) 1 girl (mia)

Parents: Leao Shalla’tel (deceased), Mother to-be-named (deceased)

Siblings: Sylvatica Shalla’tel

Other Relatives: Cassian Shalla’tel (Nephew), Sharinthia Shalla’tel (Niece) Narathas Shalla’tel (Great Grandfather)

Traits ––– -

* Bold your character’s answer.

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open-Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Sympathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful || Monogamist / Polygamist

Additional information ––– –

He is Scourge in the classic sense - his loyalty to Arthas never waivered so much as society just assumed it did / people stopped paying as much attention. Think Professor Putricide-adjasecent. When Arthas fell he simply put himself aside to practice his beliefs and his science on his own terms at his old family estate. He isn’t stupid even when he acts it - he will pass himself off as eccentric and addled when it suits him. Although he dislikes lying, he will do so in order to survive, especially to those he does not respect.

RP Hooks ––– –

Who doesn’t like eccentric monster scientists?

Sinrael is available for restorative or cosmetic fleshcrafting.

He deeply enjoys interacting with people he has very little in common with and finds disagreement intellectually stimulating. He’s married to an Argent healer and his current best friend is a Paladin, as examples.

He will just walk up to anybody, treat them like he’s known them for years, and recruit them for experiments that range from morally reprehensible to just a little bit silly.

He absolutely adores animals of all kinds, but especially canines. He will go out of his way to help with pets should the need arise.

I’m LGBTQA+ and I respect boundaries. I hear people like that.

OOC Info  ––– –

I’ve been in the WoW RPC for ages but am just coming back with a fresh head and a handful of re-writes. I’m a little bit anxious in general but probably less shy about RP than most people. Just let me know what you want and make your boundaries clear! The only people I will not RP with are people who don’t communicate OOC. Good communication is key.

I struggle with mental illness that has improved vastly with a healthier environment, lots of support, and plenty of experiences to teach me what NOT to do. I still need to be careful, and may be unable to RP some subjects / may need to step back at times in order to manage my brainweirds.

Despite my interest in dark subjects I’m really not super edgy or into “dark themes” the way most people seem to be so much as I am into befriending inner monsters and having a good laugh at excessive gore. Comedy horror is my favorite. I can’t take fiction too seriously these days, and like my angst anywhere from light to totally non-existent.

My dog has no hair and a colony of hissing cockroaches live in a tank on my desk. My cat’s name is Brad and he likes to scream about ham. When I was a kid wild animals used to follow me like I was a Disney Princess. I’m a man now.

Contact Information  ––– –

@shallatel​ on Tumblr, Sinrael (Horde) or Shallatel (Alliance) in-game, ask me for my Discord if you want!

Please like and/or share this post if you’re in the WoW RPC and would like to interact!

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Reviews: Escape from the Impossibin! or A Dark Night of the Soul

It’s a long dark night of the soul for everyone’s favorite family of ducks as our beloved family grapples with the revelations of last episodes. While Scrooge clearly smarts from the betrayal he pits his latest security system against Della and Louie, given the title it naturally goes wrong and forces all three to try to escape. Meanwhile Beakly sics Webby on Huey and Dewey, and Dewey gets a cool new sword he can’t use while Huey has a slow burn mental breakdown.. again. Someone get my poor boy some therapy.  Suprises, Also an exaustingly deep dive into the life of Bentina Beakly. Disguises but sadly not pies of all sizes insue under the cut.

Well.. this one was fantastic. Obviously i’ll explain why as we go but holy shit I was not expecting a master class of an episode just one week after the already great Let’s Get Dangerous. And yes I had my complaints there but none of them, especially on the second watch, really detracted from what was honesty an amazing episode. And after slogging through “Catch as Cash Can” over the past few days, this was a welcome return to the version of the duck family I love best and a crisp reminder of why this series is so frigging amazing. I may criticize, i’m a critic comes with the territory, but I genuinely and wholly love this show, and this episode is encapsulates why. So enough lollygagging, let’s dew it to it!

We open with one of those scenes where two characters give a similar speech and it flashes back between both as they finish each other’s sentences. It’s a storytelling choice I never realized I always loved as it’s always a good way to amp up tension or comedy. It’s a good way to start. At the Mansion, Beakly is lecturing Donald, Huey and Dewey, because both families likely talked Launchpad into just sharing different days with each of them after the first inevitable sleep driving car crash so he’s with his boyfriend and child right now. It’s also really nice to both have almost the entire main cast given something to do for an episode AND have the one missing member have a thoroughly valid reason for not being there that was set up last week.  It’s also really nice to see Donald and Della again. While it’s only been two weeks, both have only featured in one episode this block so far, and Della’s been kind of pushed to the side this season.. not unfairly mind as she was the focus for two solo episodes and a ton of episodes last season for obvious reasons but it dosen’t mean I can’t miss my disaster twins when they aren’t around.  So anyways back on the episode, Beakly is naturally assuming theirs more traitors in their midst, and she and webby have narrowed it down.. this dosen’t really come up aside for a gag in a second for the rest of the episode, but is both funny and two of them are clearly setup for later. Have a look

My thoughts in order: 

Little Bulb: He probably IS plotting to betray them, but for entirely unrelated reasons.  Donald: .........................................................................................................

Look I get it on some level, as he was away from the family a long time, hated Scrooge, and had every reason to betray him. BUT, and it’s a bit but, besides the obvious of Bradford and his goons being the reason they gave up looking for his sister, if for good reason, Donald would’ve TOLD them all about that by now if he’d been spying, or if he’d had any dealings with the man. The man loves his family, uncle included, more than anyone and even at their lowest point I doubt he’d sell the man out for the boys sake unless FOWL threatened them. Donald is principaled, hardworking, loving, and has both dove directly into a nest of shadows and sent himself hurtling to earth in a possibly lethal rocket to protect this family, so even if this is a funny gag, it does bother me Beakly and ESPECIALLY Webby, his surrogate niece, would even consider this. That being said while I felt the need to rant because he’s my boy and I feel protective of him, it was damn funy as Donald naturally tries to wipe it off because.. yeah everything above, only to get caught in the flipping board and ending up as above with Beakly forced to admit it’s probably not him. Plus yeah.. he’s also way too clumsy and anger prone for wetwork so there’s also that. 

Fenton: I’m TEMPTED to use the trunks picture twice in a row but besides that being obnoxious.. I get it MORE here. Donald has no motive anymore, would’ve told them by now if he had when he did, and has broken his back for all of them at one time or another. Probably literally in some cases. Fenton is sweet, loyal and another one of my boys.. but his obviousness has left him open to deception in three different episodes, not counting the tolkyolk one since that wasn’t BOYD”S choice: But he put blueprints out online for a mcduck industries project, got his armor taken by beaks luring him in to work for him, and had Gandra working for Beaks snuck into his lab.. and probably in the process also got any info on it Bradford couldn’t get through company files. He’s a good man, a kind man but he could easily be a leak without realizing it and also has a mother at home and could be threatened into doing stuff for them for her saftey.. and yes I know she can take care of herself but we’re talking a regular cop against secret agents who aren’t above murdering one. He  might panic even if rationally he knows she’s fine.. or they could do the inverse and use her to get secrets from him since she’s a mother and Gandra could probably easily hack fenton’s armor, since Bradford probably has the full blueprints at this point. The point is while I don’t see him betraying them WILLINGLY, I get him being a possible leak. Donald could be, but again is too obvious and likely reguarly checked for bugs anyway long before fowl, as is Launchpad I assume. 

Bluescreen Beagle: I don’t know this dude, but I’m betting he’ll be important soon enough since they brought him up at all and he is a beagle working for Scrooge so that alone is interesting. 

Louie: Yeah unlike my boys I have no excuses for him here. While Louie is family, and has proven his own loyalty plenty... he’s also selfish, greedy and shortsighted so like Fenton he could be an easy accidental pawn at best or turn on them for money or an adventure free life at worst. I don’t think he would mind, i’m just more understanding of this given just last episode his response to a clearly suspicious thing making machine was to ignore any suspicion entirely and whine about it while Huey looking into it ended up saving the universe. He also nearly killed them all last season, so fair enough.   

So yeah Beakly is going to train them to 

WHich the boys are all for while Donald gets all spinny eyed ont he floor. Cue credits... though obviously we have to cover the scrooge side of things too... 

Meanwhile at the bin, Scrooge has brought Louie and Della there because there the sharpest mind he knows, and their seeing all the angles means their the perfect test subjects for his new post-deeply cutting betrayal security system. He also obviously goes off on an alteration filled rant at Bradford that has to be cut before he can get to calling him shiteating. And given he’s a buzzard that’s probably not inaccurate. Point is they are genuinely the best ones for the job and both agree.. Louie’s not really enthuastic about any of this but hey it’s their money this is guarding so why not. So with that done since we have two full plots to deal with and they don’t intersect until the last few minutes, like with Forbidden Fountain of the Foreverglades, i’m going to be splitting this one and covering each bit separately since it’s also easier for me to recall and recap that way. 

Beakly, Brah, Making Kids (and herself) Cry, Brah!: 

A can of coke to whoever figures out that reference first. Or a free review comisson shipping Coke is expensive you know? But yeah as you can tell this bit is not going to go well for any of the kids, or the beakly or my heart. So this plot continues at breakfast, where Huey is meticulously going over both his guidebook and Finch’s Journal to see if there’s ANY signs of F.O.W.L. their connection anything.. it’s also very clear he’s panicking. Given his enitre life is built on logic and he’s now facing a threat he probably feels he SHOULD have seen coming.. I mean they clearly have access to the Missing Mysteries, there must be SOME tie to them SOMEHOW. He, in my opinon at least, feels blindsighted and scared, going up against a group using his own love of logic that blindsighted all of them INCLUDING Scrooge, the most clever and daring adventuerer of all time and Beakly, who was likely responsible for seemingly wiping out F.O.W.L. in the first place. If THEY can be blindsighted, what hope does he have? So he’s searching for it in his comfort texts, kind of like I did at his age: when theirs a crisis trying desperatley to solve it even if you really can’t, which he cannot, at leats not alone.  Dewey of course being Dewey, has decided the solution is to get a massive sword he can’t lift and hit people with it and mock Huey for his reading. Huey gets what’s clearly the start of his episode long emotional breakdown, the worst he’s had of SEVERAL this series and over the biggest stakes thus far, seriously get this boy some therapy, while Dewey just thinks the key to beating their worst menace yet is a giant sword to hit things with. He does break a pot with it in an accidental spin attack in a later scene though so I do apricate that reference. 

But when opening the serving tray they find an attacking Webby instead with Beakly explaining why she’s doing this to her surrogate brothers: Beakly is testing them by having Webby sneak attack them at some point and the’ll never know when, while Beakly herself works with Donald to secure the house.. sadly we don’t get to see any of that latter part, as it’s probably full of hilarious slapstick, but it’d also clash heavily with the rest of this plot which, while not lacking in jokes, is meant to be uncomfortable and have us on edge like the boys, so fair enough. Webby “Bringer of Death” hugs htem saying this is going to be fun. 

Naturally it really REALLY isn’t as Huey is still very shaken by this. And it cleverly ties into what’s been shown from day one and especially this season to be his greatest weakness, and very likely the crux of his character arc: Huey can’t improvise. It’s a nice contrast to Louie last season: Louie’s very talent is thinking on his feet, seeing every angle and making them bend the way he wants. I’ts how he schemes as well as he does, how he fits into the family and what makes him himself. What he needed was to think of others and think through the consequences of his actions. That’s what he gained from his arc last season: perspective, the ablility to improvise while also not shooting himself in the foot for later and to have empathy for people.  Huey is the oppoisite: Instead his ablility to think IS his skill. He’s a genuis, able to understand super science on the level of fully grown adult genuises, able to puzzle through confounding mysteries, to solve any problem. He and huey both are gifted with anyalsis, but Louie sees the small picture, the people, the moving parts at the moment, while Huey sees the big picture and how everything connects to lead to one thing and loves learning more and more. I REALLY relate to him that way. But this season has brillinatly drilled in where he needs to improve: He’s not ready for suprises or deviations from his plans or all the things that could go wrong. He can’t improvise, he just panics. It’s something again I relate to and something that each of his episodes has set up leading to this moment hammering it home and me realizing what his arc was:

Challenge of the Senior-Junior Woodchucks had Huey utterly lost without his Guide Book for a while and unprepared for a sudden challenge in Violet. Quack Pack had him unravel when he couldn’t figure out what was wrong with the world, yet he was perfectly fine once he knew what was going on, Astro B.O.Y.D. was entirely about his intellgence and need for structure leaves him bullied and alone a lot of the time even among in his element with the woodchucks and how he finds friendship in someone like himself who gets him. Rumble for Ragnarok showed that while he can comment find for sports like golf where there’s rigid structure, rules and history, he fails as bad as Launchpad at calling wrestling because wrestling is just as much about sponteaniety as planning, with run ins, reff discrations and other chaos being part and parcel and even in real life matches often have to be changed on the fly due to injuries or someone simply coming up with a better finish at the last minute. At the same time the season’s shown how it is vital to him, as the next two, The trickening and forbidden fountain showed WHY his structure works and that it can in the right format, and that he usually has reason for it. And the final one showed that too, with him being the one to find out what Bulba’s up to simply by research, and while he didn’t stop it, his pulling at the threads of why Bradford was there and his hate of them forced FOWL out into the open which, while now putting him on edge, forced their enmies into the open where while their more dangerous, they can now at least strike back.  Huey’s arc is , hopefully if i’m right about this, about him having to learn to use his strengths with his weakneses, much like Louie last season: To adpat, to grow while not forgetting who he is and that not everything can be put in a box, as the creators put their interpretation of him. Not everything can be quanitfied or planned for and sometimes you just have to try and hope for hte best. It’s a damn compelling arc, my relating to it helps of course but it paints Huey as a fascinating character and tying it heavily into the main plot fixes how Louie was largely removed from the moonlander plot aside from one episode, as was glomgold’s quest. While the season has three main plots: A focus on Huey, the missing mysteries and FOWL, all three intertwine perfectly and are interconnected. The creators learned well from where they slipped up last time and the result is phenomenal, and they’ve clearly proven this is Huey’s season afterall: Even when he’s not been the a-plot who huey is, how he functions and being forced to grapple with the downsides of it are front and center and I am here for it. 

But yeah he’s breaking down, not helped by trying to go to beakly only to find out about the hidden bin and Dewey tries to help him calm down.. only for Dewey to walk in and unsuprsingly the one who can actually offer deep encouraging support was Webby who threatens this isn’t the attack. Nor is her dummy she leaves for them. The boys are left terrified hoping they won’t be attacked and holding Dewey’s sword, but Huey ends up convinced it’s just a test and that it’s the classic paranoia gambit: by telling them something will attack, the real lesson is to be prepared.  But Nerp, Webby attacks them with arrows and easily snares Dewey while Huey has a panic attack that’s genuinely hard to watch as he ends up running into the wall and breaking his ankle. This very real pain along with his clear trauma when he flinches at her genuinely trying to help him snap Webby out of it: She realizes she’s gone way too far and utterly terrified her own brothers, sending one into a full on mental breakdown, just to prepare them. Up till now it was probably normal for Webby: Beakly trained her rigorously, if understandably, kept her from the world, probably did this to her, and Webby just thought it was normal and it made her what she is. But it also came at the cost of any normalcy. To me Webby’s always been like a lighter, since she can at least speak, has toys and Beakly you know treats her like a human being rather than a weapon, of the second Batgirl, Cassandra Cain. Cassandra was raised from birth as an experiment to make the ultimate weapon, someone who rather than speak spoke in phsyical motion and could kill effortlessly.. but actually doing so shocked her and she escaped and Bruce took her in. Cass is as badass as Batman at a fraction of the age but dosen’t understand simple life things and can’t speak. Hence the parallel: While Beakly isn’t a monster like David Cain, she still took a small child and turned them into a weapon strugging to adapt to society, and only isn’t a monster because as said she clearly cares about webby and dosen’t want to loose her like she lost her child and in-law to whatever presumibly fowl related nightmare took them from her and left Webby an Orphan.  What i’m getting at with this is this feels like Webby realizing while this is her normal.. the boys can’t take it with Dewey terrified and again, Huey nearly broken by all of this and whimpering in a corner. This isn’t bonding between master and student, grandmother and granddaughter, partners in fighting.. this is just .. wrong. So when Beakly, not noticing how badly she’s damaged either boy, demands Webby continue attacking them, Webby refuses, stands firm.. and prepares to take on the person she loves most in the world, yes more than Lena she’s only 12 for christ’s sake, and Beakly gladly accepts. Webby’s training is in session.  When we next see them the fight is in full force, and it is awesome to see. After 3 seasons we not only see Beakly’s darkest aspects come out we see her granddaughter in the path. Though at first it seems like what their training sessions normally are, a friendly if lively and full force spar between two trusting combatants. But it becomes clear over the fight from Webby’s reaction that Beakly is going harder than usual, and doesn’t stop when asked. Thankfully her kind gesture paid off as Huey and Dewey whisk her up to the attic. Webby is genuinely SCARED, never having seen her like this but also worried for her: Acting like a monster or not.. Beakly is still her granny and it’s clear FOWL coming back has rattled her. The fist through the attick doors, barred with the sword proves that.  The kids head up to the roof with Beakly in persuit like some sort of slasher villian, again fist through a door, determined to still fight while Webby clearly just wants this to stop and so does the audience. This hurts.. intentionally so but I haven’t been cut this deep by two family members literally coming to blows since Amethyst fought Pearl in the first season of steven universe. It’s tough to watch but in a very good way. The boys break up the tension for half a second by  rushing her and she just tosses them aside... where their caught by Donald, who didn’t realize ANY of this was going on and is rigthfully pissed.. though dosen’t do the angry dance thing because then he’d kill his children but he’s sure thinking it loud enough. 

As Webby reluctantly readies for round 2, Donald calls at her to fucking stop already. While she counters with they have to be ready, which is true... Donald shuts her down. “Not like this”. She’s broken Huey and Webby and Dewey.. is traumatized but fine but this episode really isn’t about him.  What it is about is Bentina Beakly and her Dark Night of the soul. I brought up the term for dumb reasons admitely: Because it sounded neat and because Douglas Adams had spoofed it with the dirk gently novel “Dark Tea-Time of the Soul” a title that’s stuck with me and a book I own and still need to read. But I looked it up to make sure I wasn’t badly misusing it and it turned out to fit this episode: A Dark Night of the Soul, as defined by spirtual guru and thankfuly not scumbag Eckheart Tolle whose article explained the old expression better than wikipedia could. While he naturally pitches his book there, it was still helpful so thanks man for your spirtual advice helping me analyize ducks. I owe you one. 

The Dark Night of the Soul is essentially a person coming to their lowest point after having lost themselves or feeling lost, rattled by one event and awakening with a new sense of spirtual purpose and a new direction and a sense of self again after it. Having everything you know upended and coming out the other side with a new self, usually in a religious sense. And it works here because really that’s what Huey, Beakly, Scrooge and to a Degree webby face here. Louie, Della, Dewey and Donald are all fine in the face of FOWl and it makes sense: Louie and Donald are often outside the adventure bubble in terms of enjoying it, seeing it’s dangers to them and in Donald’s case his kids, Webby included, and how much chaos it is. Both have accepted it as part of their lives so while this escalates things, both just see it as just more of the peril and chaos that’s a daily part of their lives. Dewey and Della being thrillseekers and loving a good challenge simply see this as taking on an epic challenge: fighting the worst villians of the world off and having a daring story to tell. Webby similarly isn’t that effected at first because she sees it the same way likely and only starts to get bothered by it when it starts tearing her family, the thing most precious to her, apart over it. 

But for the other three it makes sense. Obviously we’ll come back to Scrooge during his part of the episode. But for Huey as we’ve seen this upends his world. There was a massive deadly secret just beneath him, an unknown beyond all unknowns, and it rattled him.. and having his own sister constantly terrorize him just made it worse. For Huey without consitencey his life falls apart as those prevoius episodes highlhted.l He can prepare for anything.. but he has to know it’s coming and having a villian group who strikes from the shadows is his worst fears manifest and preparing for that naturally breaks the poor boy. He gets through it though, as once it’s on someone else, his fear falls away and as we saw his focus is entirely on helping webby: Not on himself, not on the risk but on protecting his sister. It shows that Huey has the potenital for instinct, as seen with the woodchuck and wrestling episodes too, he just needs to get out of his own head and let it work with his gut instead of trying desperately to use only his head. 

For Beakly though it’s far worse... and really gets to the core of who she is in this series. She was, and probably still is, a Secret Agent, who fought long and hard to utterly destroy FOWL, at the cost of everything else, constnatly having to keep her guard up with spies all around her and with Scrooge apparently being the only friend from those days who lasted the whole time. SHe probably lost countless partners in both sense of the word, time and youth she’ll never get back and everything she had to stop them. She gave S.H.U.S.H. everything as far as I can tell.  And then she got her reward. FOWL was gone, she had a child, and possibly had a loving partner, provided they didn’t either leave her pregannt and alone or just grow apart from her eventually we don’t know at this point and i’m just spitballing. Point is she had a child, she had a happy ending.. except clearly.. she did not. According to the website, and it’s probably still accurate, Beakly was living in seclusion following her retirement, likely to keep anyone from harming her child.. but also because with her partner possibly gone, she had almost NOTHING left. A child that either kept her at arms length or she kept at arms length to keep their family safe, an old friend who was busy as is, and a safe world.. that’s all she had. Just her and alone. And that’s been clearly shown as Beakly’s biggest issue as we see: She has trouble letting others, even webby at times given how she lied at her, in and given all she’s lost it’s hard not to see why. After a life time of probably watching cold blooded killers kill people she loved and having people betray her and loosing the father of her child possibly, again it’s vauge, no wonder she is the way she is.  And then it somehow gets worse and better: She looses her child, one of the three people she has left in the world.. yet she finds herself in charge of Webby. And with that.. she has a purpose again, to protect this child. This baby girl who needed her more than anything. So she did.. a little too well as discussed. To quote the excellent song “Dark, Sad, Lonely, Knight” from the musical “Holy Musical B@tman!” which yes really exists: 

“I remember that horrible night that night you were split in two, and I swore I’d protect you. So I built a wall all around you, but the wall was too tall, it blocked out all the birds and the sun. I tried to raise you right! I tried to raise you proper! I tried to be a mentor and a friend and a mother and a brother too! I’d insulate you from any outside source of fright... i’d make bloody certain, you’d never see another, dark, sad, lonely night. “ 

And yes as you can imagine that was sung by Alfred.. but it fits perfectly. That’s how Beakly raised Webby, guarding her from the world, trying to protect her from the world the way she’d always guarded herself from it. She did hurt webby’s development.. but you can see WHY. She lost everything, she had two people left in her life at that point: One had given her home and the other had given her her soul back. She couldn’t loose Webby so she made sure she couldn’t and held her as tight as she could. It’s why she pushed Scrooge to let his young nephews into his life. She saw over her time with him he was doing what she did, pushing everyone out. She wanted him to avoid being alone like she was before Webby. And it worked.. and showed her Webby clearly wanted to see the world and that Bentina didn’t have to be afraid to show it to her anymore, and could let Scrooge share in doing so. She let her be free and opened up for the first time in likely a decade since she got a two year old dropped on her lap.  And soon wither she’d admit it or not she found herself part of the family. She found herself the voice of reason, sometimes sharing it with Donald, and the one to put both Scrooge and the rest of the family in their place when they nearly tore apart again, helping Donald realize that for all scrooge hurt him.. Scrooge hurt from loosing della too, and helping the boys realize Scrooge, much like herself, tends to lash out at people. She prevented them from getting distance from their family, knowing from experince you may never get them back or mend that wound. She was part of the family and for the first time in her life even if again, given her emotoinal distance she wasn’t really close to any of the duck family but Scrooge and her newly inducted Grandaughter, she still clearly cares and looks after them and even her harsh treatment of Della was well meaning and understandable.  And that’s why the F.O.W.L. revelation tears her apart to her very core, her very SOUL: Because not only is the enemy she thought dead, or may of known wasn’t dead we don’t know but this episode leans towards the former alive, not only is her worst enemy, one who nearly killed her grandaughter part of them once again, but their head was one of Scrooge’s most trusted advisors and associates, the man he trusted more than himself at times to do what the company needed and the only one who knew his deepest secrets besides Beakly herself. They now faced not only her worst nightmare reborn, but with vital info about them and everyone around them. And for all we Know F.O.W.L. took her family from her in the first place and now they easily could again and she NEVER saw it coming. It’s why she drives everyone including Webby so hard, because she can’t take loosing everyone she cares about again so they will be ready, they will be prepared even if it destroys them on the inside because she cannot take it again.. she can’t fail them AGAIN. I feel she puts a lot of the blame on herself because in this family it’s her job to be the suspicious one, to see things coming, to be ready, to be the one who knows EVERYTHING even more than scrooge.. and this apparently rattled her as much as he did and suprised her just as much. She failed and she can’t again even if Webby hates her for it.  But in trying to continue the fight.. she slips, Webby dodges and she falls off the roof.. and everyone helps her up. Even if they all have EVERY REASON to be mad at her they help. And Webby points out this can’t go on. They won’t get stronger tearing themselves apart.. their a family. They don’t need to do it like fowl, they need to be themselves and work TOGETHER. The one thing they have, the one thing they can trust is each other. Beakly is touched like this and realizes their right.. their not the enemy.. and there the one people,, for once in her life she can fully and completely trust. She tries apologizing to webby, they hug..and then gets an alert. What’s all that about? Well to get that that we kinda have to finish the other story.. which I would’ve put first had I realized this was going to be as long as it was but hey. 

Escape from the Impossibin 

Thankfully this won’t be as long or as emotionally complex.. entirely. So back at this plot about 20 minutes ago, Scrooge breaks down the challenge and the risk as it was made by the most devious and deranged minds he knows: Gyro and Quackfaster with Louie getting a good laugh out of me by pointing out “Why are the most devious minds in Duckberg friends of ours” to which I say because only Scrooge let’s them go all out, and on the friend part, at least for you, Louie...

I mean maybe Quackfaster, but you stole from Gyro multiple times now. And he hated Fenton for far dumber and more petty reasons why wouldn’t you assume he hates you too.. I mean he did help with Louie’s Eleven but there was also a good chance your head would explode there so I don’t really count it. 

Anyways Scrooge offers lunch if they make it, which Louie notes means he must REALLY not think they will. And the first test proves his overconfdience correct as we enter the most dangerous, devious and deadly trap Gyro could manage.. which given who we’re dealing with, i’d be very afraid. The ultra violent ultra violet trap seems at first to just be a bunch of purple, if really cool buzzsaws and sawblades, your standard super villian death course.. but Gyro being beyond your average super villian, I mean the only reason he’s not is he has a steady job that lets him build a clone army with company resources so why would he give that up, jazzed it up with an ultraviolet bit of bulbtech.. and due to the violet light it hides the traps ,meaning their invisible. And while Louie and Della try navigating them, they cannot get through as Louie runs out of PEP to spray them with and Della using her metal leg as a guide, which itself is awesome for her as she clearly and wisely made the thing nigh indestructible and we haven’t seen it tear or get destroyed once all series so good going, really should market that to other people in need of prostetics della and Scrooge. Scrooge is of course delighted as that’s the entire point even if his child and grandchild are understandably not as happy about it.  But naturally, as I hinted at in the teaser, it goes wrong as Scrooge’s password dosen’t work and he tries it too many times, been there, sucks. Granted Louie asks hilariously “Your the oldest man in the world why isn’t your password just 1234″.. and though the why is obvious, it’s still a good line. Point is their locked out and now have to escape it for real! Weirdly Scrooge dosen’t catch onto the fact of whose behind it, but we’ll get to that. He does have more pressing matters. Luckily Louie figures it out after an insult at the Bulbtech causes it to flash read, like most Bulbs do.. but since this Bulb’s entire purpose is to flash Purple, that means pissing it off makes the blades visable and while Scrooge is understandably sore that his 3 million dollar security system has such a big flaw in it, they escape. Though I get Scrooge’s frustration: Their going up against someone who knows how Gyro’s tech’s works, if Louie can figure it out so can Bradford and he wouldnt send FOWL in without a full briefing on Scrooge. 

We don’t see the next one as it’s a time loop room, it’s a time loop room, it’s a time loop room okay i’ll stop and so does Dell after Louie well meaningly smacks his mom. Next puzzle’s quackfaster and I like scrooge pulling a Dumbledore and having some of his most trusted advisors devise the traps for him. I may hate JK Rowling for good reason but I did always love that bit of the Sorcerer’s (Or phillosphers in the uk because the publisher’s weren’t as stupid) Stone. Death of the author and all that. Point is I like it here too even if i’ts truncated for time. But Emily’s trap is a bunch of tiles that fuck with gravity because apparently she’s magical now... who knew. I’m not questioning it though: She runs a giant library full of dangerous, and probably magical in some cases, literature.. if she didn’t know spells she probably woudn’t be able to sort some of them. It’s a new fact out of nowhere but it makes perfect sense. 

Point is they have to figure it out though Louie once again succeeds with some books and, in a really cool bit, using scrooge as a platform with the two walking in time and della grabbing on as they hit the master rune to shut them all off. It’s a damn cool sequence even if Scrooge is agrviated.  We then come, after they apparently fought a Squid Monster off screen, because Quackfaster can also apparently summon demons.. or gyro made a tentacle monster which dosen’t suprise me at all. Either way it’s the final challenge in the main room leading ot the bin and in the way of deactivating security: A Scrooge Robot! Because as we all know by video game logic, the Robot Version is always stronger. Of course Louie’s annoyed both at the spending of his inhertince and at Scrooge’s egotisim but he has a good point there and the thing looks hilarious clunky with 8-bit eyes.. till it morphs, to scrooge’s delight, into a giant purple robot with a cane and scrooge’s face on the front j jonah jameson style. I never see that spider-slayer refrenced but i’mg lad this one did. Granted it could be to arim zola or something but I feel the Spider-Slayer refrence fits here.. take a look if your curious. 

See? Anyways a fight insues with Scrooge, in a great bit, riling up Della when she fishes for him to admit she would’ve’ been a better base by bringing up Donald first instead. The trio get their asses kicked, and a pep can drops out, as naturally Louie was lying but it’s a rare flavor so I get it. I do. Thankfully his lies do save them however as the Cherry PEP he fires at the machine stuns it while Scrooge USES THE POGO CANE MOVE ON IT. Hell.. fucking yes. It’s about time we saw that again and in fully glory here too. I really want that game on the switch by the way.. where’s my disney afternoon collection.. WHERE CAPCOM WHERE.  But yeah they won.. and Scrooge is upset. Because this was SUPPOSED to keep FOWL out but if his family can beat it so can they. And now we get to Scrooge’s far less horrifying dark night of the soul as we get a sense of just how much this whole ordeal has rattled him: As he mentioned at the top of hte episode he TRUSTED  Bradford. It was clear he never liked him as a person, but Scrooge is a paranoid guy, he hardly trusts anyone and for someone to earn that it had to take a lot.. and it naturally stings. We see that while he may of been a necessary evil, SCrooge still liked the guy on some level and to have someone he trusts and respects betray him naturally shook Scrooge. He trusted someone.. and they knifed him in the back going against all he stands for. Instead of earning money, Bradford stole what Scrooge and others worked for while working to destroy him as soon as he feasably could and take his legacy for himself. To Scrooge, Bradford was revealed to be the worst kind of parasite and one that leeched off him for probably decades.  But what’s worse is the risk that creates: Bradford was one of his top guys and the only other one running the company: He knows EVERYTHING about Scrooge, every secret, every investment, where every treasure is stored, and everywhere he’s been. He knows about his friends, family, some of his darkest and most guarded for a reason secrets, secrets he’d never give away freely.. and can now use ALL of it to destroy his family and everyone they care about. That sheer level of betryal would rock anyone but someone like Scrooge, who BARELY trusts anyone and can even be paranoid of his own family from time to time? LIke beakly it’s easy to see why he spiraled and why he put so much into this: Because like Beakly, he was blindsided, and his buisness, his crown jewel, the thing he put his heart and soul into and worked hard to build up and CONTINUES to work hard on to this day.. was being slowly corrupted and he has no idea what parts or where or just what all Bradford did with his money and resources and what nasty suprises he has hidden in them. The one thing he could trust as almost entirely his is tainted, his sense of security tainted.. and his sense of self tainted. If Scrooge freaking mcduck can get blindsighted like this, just how powerful is his former friend? 

And we soon see Scrooge’s own fears manifest as Bradford hyjacks the robot, revealing this was, naturally him.. as of COURSE it was the guy who was revealed to be an evil mastermind who hates your guts. And because Scrooge didn’t change his password, which cleverly is the sum total of his money hence why it was a mass of numbers, which.. really dude? I don’t like doing it either and don’t change mine up if I can help it but even I did when someone tried hyjacking my spotify account. Yes that happened, I thought it was just a wifi thing, it was not. So yeah turns out Bradford was STILL one step ahead, and thus knew about the defenses and thus trapped Scrooge in them for reasons that will dramatically be revealed at the end of the episode. He also naturally attacks because just like JJ, he’s a crotchety old man whose yelling at our loveable rascals to in a sense, get off his lawn. Granted unlike JJ he’s clearly never came around, but the parallels are there. Point is it’s time for another fight this time using the gravity runes, with Scrooge hitting his despiar event horizon as if FOWL can outhink him on this what hope does he have. But like the rest of his family sans launchpad did for Beakly, Louie helps him through the other side and points out there are things they have they don’t.. and demonstrates as naturally the bulb tech used for the robot is just as irate so Louie tricks it into going after him then does a bin dive, with the massive amount of money destroying the thing and Bradford unable to get Gandra to stop it, so our heroes win... oh and Bradford left the company.. for some reason, because as his investors Scrooge can’t really remove him and I was curious how they’d get him out.. then again Scrooge probably, even as cheap as he is, had security cameras showing Bradford’s little talk with Bulba or any of his various rants as evidence. I mean Scrooge is stingy but he’s not STUPIDLY stingy. it’s the best I got, point is he’s to the wind now and our heroes have one! Except yeah.. the ending of the last segment. 

Lost the Battle, Time to Win the War

In an utterly amazing swerve we find out just what kind of alert Beakly got as the rest of this episodes cast have arrived at the bin and Beakly asks why Scrooge hasn’t answered his phone.. and when Scrooge does Bradford’s plan comes into view: Turns out he locked scrooge in as a DISTRACTION, keeping him in the one place no one could reach him. It also explains why he attacked Scrooge: Besides having the perfect weapon for it and getting to gloat, someone needed to keep him busy while the rest of his operatives finished his master stroke.  Turns out EVERYONE involved with one of the missing mysteries called: Goldie called to gripe about the fountain being gone and Scrooge taking it before she could, the Mervanans called to tell him the harp was swindelded by some eggheads and their good vibes did nothing to save her, we also get to see the pink one in full view which is nice but unimportant, and we get Drake back for a cameo! 

But sadly it’s because he just met Steelbeak for the first time.. again, and Beaky clearly beat the every loving shit out of him as he’s heavily bruised, and took the papers on Solgelo’s Circuit with him

And Gene called to tell them he was being kidnapped as the Blot, now with a fully functioning gauntlet got to him. So to sum it up F.O.W.L. in one night, took all the missing mysteries they’d gathered or found, beat one of their most trusted allies and made their new security system worthless. 

It was an utterly masterful story move: Firmly tying both plots together and confirming FOWL has SOMETHING bigger they want out of them. Some bigger plan, and as the last two weeks proved already knew where they were. Now it’s open war F.O.W.L.’s taken the first shot and hit hard. 

But Scrooge, now with his confidence restored thanks to Louie, instead of backing down, is galvanized: They’ve lost the mysteries they have but if F.O.W.L. wants the rest, their going to have to beat the greatest family of adventurers the world, and probably the multiverse if we’re being honest and yes that includes other versions of this family, has ever known to them first. Sneaking in the shadows, attacking them from behind, striking them while they were at their most vunerable? FOWL was in their element and won this round because of it. But now adventuring, traveling the world, finding rare artifacts lost to time? Now their in the ducks wheelhouse. As Beakly, finally accepting her place in the family and that she’s not alone, proudly states their not ready for them. And so we close on one badass group shot as Dewey tries to lift the sword again only for his siblings to help, minus Louie naturally who still looks on determined. Our heroes have been through their dark night of the soul, they’ve lost a lot and the villians are miles ahead.. but they’ve also come out of it together, determined, their doubts behind them for now, and FOWL firmly in their sights. They won the battle.. but the war’s far from over. Game on. 

Final Thoughts. 

God this was a good one, as you could probably tell from the way I went on and on about it but this was one of the series best.. and while I say that a lot, mostly because Season 3 has consistently been about them topping themselves again and again, this time it’s etched in stone. I thought this would be a good one but forgetable.. instead it’s easily one of the best dives into the cast, and one of the best bottle episodes i’ve seen, limiting the cast to just our heroes, a handful of cameos and our big bad and letting our heroes be their own worst enemies for most of it. IT’s a great character piece, with plenty of great fluid action set pieces, absolutely heartbreaking character stuff, and a hell of an ending that sets the tone for the final half of the season and possibly the series.  It also shut my mouth about the pacing, because as I hoped, much like season 2 it was slow on purpose: The first half, while also providing vital setup here and there, was also about telling stories they really COULDN’T once the FOWL plot kicked into gear for act 2. Getting trapped in a sitcom, a casual breakin of a gala where Donald meets the love of his life, a trip to tokyolk.. none of this would’ve really worked with Fowl at their heels. By taking their time they simply had more time to set the stage so when things kicked up with this act, things could stay intense.. minus the christmas episode but that takes place before these episodes so I don’t really count it. Point is the tone is firmly set, the stakes are high and things are at a level they’ve never been. This is one of the show’s finest and I expect i’ts only going to go higher and higher from here.  Also one last note Bradford, bud.. why did you out Gandra as an agent? You had to have known about the whole Fenton thing, you seem to know everything and a break in to Gyro’s lab would’ve been something Scrooge had to tell you about or you could learn about yourself. They didn’t know she was still evil or working for you or that she was even on their radar. Also related while Steelbeak and Blot’s missions were obvious it was easy to figure out who went where besides them: Heron went under the sea both because she was the odd one out and because Bradford was presumably still mad about the helicopter thing, while Rockerduck obviously took the fountain since he’d been there and knew where it was now it was properly restored.  Next Week: Kidcentric episode and the sabrewing sisters are back! Also while I don’t hate it, Lena’s blueform is simply a super mode.. phew. I mean I don’t dislike it but i’ts not a walk around in public thing. Point is kids teaming up for shenanigans, a mystic sword in the middle of x of swords AND the return of my two faviorite fowl agents. I’m pumped. 

Until then if you like this review there’s more reviews on the pages on my blog including a just finished this weekend review of the original Ducktales 4-parter, Catch as Cash Can. It was a trip. You can find that collected  into a handy series of links HEREEEEEEEEEE. Or if you prefer this series, as I do, you can find last week’s review of Let’s Get Dangerous HERE. If you like this review and want to here my thoughts on say an episode from the first two seasons (which I mostly haven’t covered yet), or another disney show, you can pm me on this very blog to comission an episode, just like one of my fans commissioned me to review catch as cash can. Or you can follow me on my patreon HERE.  Until next week stay safe, vote if your old enough and check your house for Gary Busey! 

[border-spam]

AU Troy Character Timeline

Right, so I saw an incredible breakdown of Troy’s mental journey/state of ego last night ( that I’ll see if I can get permission to post at some point ) that really kicked my confidence into overdrive for writing out a definitive timeline for the version of him I write about in drabbles/fics etc as it was so amazingly similar. This isn’t complete, it couldn’t be because man I have a lot of stuff for this guy, but I hope it’s interesting for people maybe looking for a somewhat logical bunch of HC content that works well with the info we were given ingame. 

Writing this was like doing a jigsaw puzzle. Except ten pieces are missing, and you have 2 dominos and a Mrs Cupcake card instead. If you like any of this, feel free to use it. I’ll eventually expand on it in my own works.

Pre Pandora Era - 28  years pre BL3

Severe self esteem / image issues from very early childhood. Leda’s death left Typhon both terrified of Tyreen and desperately paranoid about her safety, leaving Troy to feel far less valued and loved as he found himself constantly failing to compete for attention from his remaining parent. 

Typhon never outright called Troy a freak, but he overheard plenty of discussions with his mother and with Tyreen explaining why he was so sick all the time, why he looked the way he did, why he was broken. He never discussed these, they festered in the back of his mind for the rest of his life. 

Strived from an early age to be useful, being useful gave him the belief he was valued, and a “Great job kid!” from his father felt good enough that it could almost replace feeling loved.

Misses his mother intensely from the day she died, for the rest of his life. Had no one else to have platonic intimacy with bar his sister, which never felt as freely given as with his mother. 

Developed an extremely crippled sense of social behavior and rules. The only people the Twins could interact with till they landed on Pandora ( which I HC was between 18 -19 ) were each other, and their Father. 

Left alone on a giant empty planet with no one to tell them no, or instill an understanding of social rules to them regarding others, left them with only a feeling of personal value for each other. This is an extremely dangerous state of mind for any person who will need to function in a social structure, especially a person in power. 

Had it hammered into them over and over by their father that the galaxy outside their home was filled with murderers. Animals. Bandit filth. Not like them, not like their parents, horrible, vicious things that would kill them the second they could. 

Internalised that to the point where it was a crucial part of their development of self as children. The twins would genuinely struggle to comprehend any other human they met was a person, because they were told their whole developing lives that no one they would meet bar their father would be.

 Pre COV - 8 years pre BL3

Lands on Pandora with Tyreen. Woefully underprepared and worried sick, didn’t want to leave Nekro but had no other choice but to go with his sister or die. Misses his father immediately, but avoids talking about it, knowing it will cause an argument.

Disliked that their father had kept them on Nekro intensely, but not enough to hate him the way Tyreen did. This never changed and the regret for leaving him only rotted inside him over the years. 

Very excited to finally meet new people, but his social skills are learned through watching old echos and while he can mimic them, he doesn’t understand social intricacies as well as he’d hoped. This sabotages their first few attempts to communicate with Pandoran non bandit natives. 

Comes across as weird. Stutters, not good with eye contact, awkward in body language and very unnatural in appearance. Extremely tall (6″7), very thin and sickly looking with sallow skin and dark under eyes. His missing arm and quarter of his shoulder draw far more attention than he had ever expected and he becomes instantly self conscious of the damage to his right side, strongly disliking how it’s pointed out every time they try and interact with one of these idiots.  

The twins only had the clothes they had travelled in and at this point they are pretty much rags patched together over nearly 2 decades. Didn’t understand how much appearances were going to matter, Troy had been sure he’d be able to “Mingle with the locals no problem.”, and now feels like he’s letting his sister down by failing to perform the way he’d been so sure of. They move onto the bandit clans once they get laughed out of the first small town they try to impress.

Their first few interactions with bandits have very bad results. They both get mocked a lot, Troy gets insulted even more. This is the first time in his life he’s met other men bar his father and the harsh reality that he is not like other men is really starting to hit hard. He’s monstrously tall, he has no muscle, he’s bony and sick and the bandits make very clear to him that he’s a freak.

Unable to defend himself verbally to people that don’t seem to speak a coherent language, he feels impotent and emasculated. Troy’s gift with words has always been his strong point, something he was proud of, and the bandits barely even understand what he’s saying. Any interest he’d had towards them as other people gets quashed. They clearly aren’t the same as he and Ty, they are beneath them. Savages. They aren’t people after all. His dad was right.

This is the point where he fully switches to seeing almost all others as non-persons. They aren’t people, they aren’t what he and Tyreen are, or they wouldn’t act like this in response to the twins. Any possible empathy he could have developed over time is aborted at this point, and he begins to craft the God King persona he understands he will need to disguise his shortcomings under if he’s going to be in the public’s eye.

Begins to create it piece by piece. Designs their outfits, designs his tattoos and mods, his monstrous arm, their name. 

The Calypso twins are born, and the COV with them.

Early COV Era - 7 years pre BL3

As he learns how to communicate with bandits and craft a persona for Tyreen that they will be drawn to, the COV starts to form. While the huge majority of their followers are people they see as not even being the same species as them, they do also begin to fill the higher ranks with people they are meeting over time that they see as having value. 

People with skills in categories they don’t, engineers, media experts, accountants, are drawn to the COV for the same reasons as the bandits. Opportunity, just a different sort.

Joining in the early days means having the twin’s ears, and those who have excellent ideas, or bring talent to the upper echelon that the twin's don’t have themselves, eventually end up as high priests and Saints. Department leaders (eg: Mouthpiece ). These are the kind of people he sees as people, though still not on par with himself or his sister in value. These are the few he would be capable of having functional conversations with, building simple relationships. 

He has found value in his ability to be very useful within the COV. Leading the Media and Propaganda department has given him a huge amount of power, even if he still physically feels extremely frail. 

He’s settled into living in Tyreen’s shadow, she’s the star, but he’s the puppeteer, and he’s happy for it to be that way for the most part. While she can sometimes step out of line or treat him like he’s not equal, he’s quick to remind her of her place during these outbursts, and their relationship is relatively stable.

Troy is fiercely loyal and surprisingly gentle with people he has a bond with. Despite his desperation to have meaningful connections, to be cared for and liked as himself, they don’t stay around him long.

No matter how hard he tries to give them what he thinks they want, they eventually leave, and he doesn’t understand that they are distancing themself because of how he treats other people, not them.

Troy’s complete inability to view the vast majority of people as people means he has a total lack of empathy towards almost everyone else, and this is a terrifying thing to experience first hand. He doesn’t understand this is why his “friends” leave, why they stop being friendly with him, or request to be transferred to another district.  

“Why did you do that to them..?” - “Huh? Ohhhh, relax haha, it’s just a bandit.” - “What do you mean, just a bandit, they felt that Troy, what’s wrong with you?’ - "The hell? No, it’s a b.a.n.d.i.t. It’s not like us, it’s not like you, it’s just.. you know, a bandit! Doesn’t matter what I do to em.” -shrug- - “-horrified silence-”

He blames himself each time this happens and damages his already fractured self esteem further. He can’t comprehend that his actions are the problem, because he simply has no way to understand his actions are bad. 

Each time someone close to him leaves, it’s another hit to his already crumbling self worth. He has absolutely no strong bonds with anyone bar his sister, who at times seems to barely like him, and he is genuinely desperate for validation and care from someone who likes Troy, not Calypso, not the God he pretends to be.

Every time another one of his “friends” vanishes, another of his little connections to his own humanity breaks. He gets angrier, and sadder, the God King a little more snarling and quicker to snap. It’s a sore point Tyreen tends to dig in during arguments too.

She doesn’t need anyone else, but she’s seen the near manic excitement and happiness he has when he connects with another person over a shared interest or they show actual genuine kindness towards him and not his title. If that person then becomes upset with his lack of empathy, or scared of it and abandons him, it’s another open wound on the already dying soul inside him that’s barely still breathing.

He has a complete and defined understanding of right and wrong, but those rules only apply to people, and his social development from infant to adult left his comprehension of other people so stunted, he cannot fathom that the vast majority of others are people. 

God King Calypso is a fucking nightmare to anyone bar the select view he sees as “people like him”. A feral, cackling monster, as likely to airdrop a million dollars onto a tiny village and record the reaction, as he is to rip a bandits arms off during a raid and live steam them bleeding out. All the same to him. Just background NPCs in his game. Placeholder actors in his life. They don’t matter. All that does matter is how they make him feel, or how they further his sister’s goals.

Every year that passes by leaves the God King more polished and defined, more in control a persona, while inside its impenetrable shell Troy DeLeon is slowly being suffocated by the weight of his own sins, without having the ability to understand he had been sinning at all.

God King Era - 4 years pre Bl3

By this point, Troy’s isolation is now deadly. He is a deity, worshipped by billions, with absolutely no points of human contact in his life to anchor himself to reality. No one to help him understand how to apply his sense of right and wrong to his followers, only his sister, who is even more toxic and vicious than he is.

Every day since starting the COV, he’s distanced himself further from the worshippers, the bandits, the acolytes. They are screaming war meat now, they are chips to barter with, numbers on a viewer count, flesh to tear into when he wants to feel something.

His relationship with Tyreen is crumbling. She’s quicker now to imply he’s not as important, he’s not the Siren. She’s called him a parasite in front of a merger board, a burden during a discussion with department heads. Each new crack at his inner ego only strengthens the persona further. Makes it more attention seeking, more willing to lash out at others, more vicious.

His “friends"are long gone, either fled from the behemoth the COV now is, or far away in other districts, planets, cities. The people he is close with now in working relationships are held at arms length. He doesn’t let anyone near him anymore, he’s afraid they will leave too if he does. 

The isolation pushes him further into the God King persona every day. If he’s Troy Calypso, he doesn’t NEED anyone else. The further he sinks into it, the more aggressive, the more twisted his actions become, but he doesn't see it that way. This is what his followers want, so it must be fine. Why wouldn’t it be fine to ravenously tear into heretics on livestream if 8 billion people are tuning in to watch?

He’s becoming cruel, he’s becoming vicious, but the man he was before he reached Pandora is still whispering that Tyreen is treating him wrong. That this isn’t how it was meant to be, that he’s not weak or a burden.

But listening to that voice means also having to listen to the one telling him he’s warped into something disgusting that his mother would be so let down by, that his father was right about him being a broken monstrosity. He continues to ignore it, and he loses himself further every day.

The deeper he recedes into the God King, the more he starts having nightmares, the more those whispers in the back of his mind get louder. He does what he can to ignore them, but sometimes something will set him off.

An argument with Tyreen, a momentary feeling of regret for leaving his home, a pang of loneliness. He often can’t sleep, and he knows if he starts to wonder why, clarity for the horrors he’s done could crush him.

Drugs, sex, bloodlust, he tries anything to take his mind off the intrusive thoughts that grow day by day. That he’s a failure. He’s a freak. He’s a cold blooded murder, but every now and then he’ll wake up in a cold sweat and hate himself so much that he wishes he’d never been born. 

The feeling passes very quickly as the God King shifts back into place and swallows it down, but while it’s there it’s horrific. He see’s himself from other people’s eyes for just a moment and god what has he turned into. What has he done. He’s a fucking monster.

The man he had been is so damaged under the mantle of this vicious God he’s wearing as a skin that it’s barely alive anymore, and it’s what begs him to kill it in those fleeting moments where he sees past his own facade, where he just for a second realises how many people he has hurt.

He tore his throat out a couple of years before the start of the game story in a moment of lucidity after being sleep deprived for days on end. Tyreen reached him in time when his implanted vitals tracker each twin keeps for the other alerted her to his condition, but it was close enough that he was bedridden for days after her energy transfer closed the wound.

She had been furious with him and made sure it was was kept hushed, the rest of the clergy believing he was on reprieve. Only the twins know the truth of what happened.

He never takes the collars off anymore now, the scars are still there. Convincing Tyreen that it had had happened during a nightmare when he’d left his prosthetic on by mistake was easy. Convincing himself to try and forget he’d been lucid and how it still feels like the right thing to do, is not. 

By the point the story begins, Troy is in a constant state of exhaustion, and knows deep down everything he has been through and done to others was for nothing. Tyreen doesn’t care about him the way he does her. She may never have, or she changed, he doesn’t know anymore. 

What he does know, is that he won't ever be a real God, and that the only reason he’s still alive is because he is useful. 

Maybe he should never have tried so hard to be useful.

 Phew.

I guess in a nutshell, my Troy’s greatest downfall is the God King persona.

As long as that shit is active, as long as it’s being worshipped, he’s never going to snap into reality. The reality that other people are there, that he’s been hurt so badly as a person, it’s all impossible long as he is being treated as, and believes, he is a God. 

The manic moments of clarity he has in the later stages of the COV rule are few and far between, but they eat him alive as he can’t understand why he suddenly feels so terrible, why he’s filled with such consuming remorse.

Peel the God King off the broken man underneath it and you leave him bare, confused, scared. You make him have to deal with reality, with people, with himself. That’s when you get him to show regret, and understand what he’s done, and understand what Ty has done to him.

That’s the redemption.

When he realises the game he was playing was real for billions, and suffers for it. It ends where it ends as my Troy ain’t dyin’ :P I’ll get to my rewrite eventually.  I hope to keep exploring these ideas in the future. Just desperately wish I’d as much to work with for Tyreen as I do Troy. GB YOU HEAR THAT? YOU HEAR THATTTT??

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Why don’t you like Only Us?

lmao Only Us exasperates me on like several levels at once......

i mean there’s plenty of stuff in deh that i’m just like. “i don’t particularly feel the need to experience this again” like, naturally i care most about the jared and alana content, so already a song with neither of them in it is at a disadvantage with me, which is yeah most of the songs but that’s deh canon for you. my favorite parts are the non-hansen non-murphy characters!! epic for me

meanwhile from like a Story standpoint the writing for zoe and evan’s relationship is like, baffling lmao, and i think both Love Songs (if i could tell her & only us) exemplify how it is a mess.......like, why does “if i could tell her” Not tell us why evan likes zoe???? it’d be great if we could find out, since we already have found out he’s never talked to her. is it just that she Seems Nice. b/c like, sure, except that here we have a whole song to explain to us in greater detail why evan is so set on being in love with zoe and pinning all his hopes on her, but he just kind of lists off random surface-level stuff which doesn’t actually tell us anything either about her or, you know, Why Evan Likes Her? we’re just skipping to like, “oh see he Pays Attention, that proves he likes her” like okay whatever but WHY lmfao please......and yknow not to mention that this is all stuff that we can understand as both “something evan noticed about zoe b/c of crushing on her” and “something zoe might think was an observation coming from her brother” like.......bit underwhelming here, and really the most interesting Interaction zoe and evan have is where zoe says the wild shit about how evan is a Fool to want to be financially secure and evan is “rude” in response and she’s like yeah you don’t have to be polite all the time, and then this potential avenue of connection of them both feeling Obligated to Act Nice is pretty much just dropped and their relationship just becomes based on “you’re nice” again and like, is Nothing lmao.........why

and slam dunking on “if i could tell her” also there b/c Only Us is similar in that like, oh here’s the other Love Song but now it’s zoe’s turn to tell us why she likes evan!!!!! except she pointedly Does Not like *why* are either of you At All invested in this relationship lmaooo i s2g........like, just writing in “wow i like you so much” is not really compelling and like. i would be fine with this just being some nice, enjoyable high school dating experience where they Don’t really have any big reason to be together beyond “well, you’re pretty nice,” except there’s the problems that a) between So Much Time and focus being put into this Relationship, and zoe’s character pretty much becoming “evan’s nice gf” for all of act 2 and not much else about any other aspect of her experience, and the fact that the whole finale to resolve the show and its themes (?? what are those) and evan’s arc (?? what is that) is zoe Forgiving him and saying “Everyone Needed [what he did] For Something” like....did they??? did You???? did jared, did alana.........and also then telling us that she wishes she could’ve dated evan still if things had been normal like???? whyyyyyyyyyyyyy. and why would zoe feel the need to tell him this. seems 2 be justifying evan’s crush and pinning-of-hopes re: her, and by extension justifying this whole Relationship being given soooo much focus b/c even if there’s meant to be some Ambiguity in what we, the audience, might be intended to take away from it, like, clearly this relationship is justified as being Vital and the show treating it as such. which wouldn’t quite fit if it Was just like “oh shrug yeah i mean dating you was alright but nbd” like, it Must be meant to be some whole ~signficant connection~ between them. buuut there’s no actual sign of that lol. and the other problem is b) it also can’t just be a Fun, Casual High School Romance b/c at no point do they really seem to enjoy being together lmao or comfortable in each other’s presence. even their Joking Around for 2 seconds at the start of the “only us” scene feels to me more like nervous joking to cut the tension lmao...

like it does not count to have evan be like “i like zoe” and never actually give us reason why and have zoe take the other love song like “i like you also” but not tell us Why and expect us to like, just take a wild guess at the Supposed Depth of this relationship and what constitutes it or be at all invested. and i mean, evan’s holding zoe at arm’s length b/c there’s this inherent amount of lying he has to do constantly, and why would zoe be like “wow this relationship is great, i’m getting so much out of it” like, have they had conversations?? have they Enjoyed being in each other’s presence and like had genuine fun Being Themselves??? “only us” really does just feel like this cop out both in terms of Why zoe likes him and Why zoe feels like this relationship *isn’t* completely entangled with evan’s supposed relationship with connor. in that it explains neither, just has the character Say that is how she feels. like, we have ALL of evan’s interactions with zoe being dependent on connor, and the whole Initial love song is zoe paying attention b/c Supposedly evan is telling her stuff about what connor thought about her, and then zoe deciding she Does want to kiss evan actually is via disappear and ywbf and everyone’s reaction to evan’s speech supposedly about connor and her dad acquiescing to the fact he has emotions about his dead son thanks to everyone’s reaction to evan’s speech / tcp........like, this relationship is clearly contingent on stuff re: connor, and zoe apparently changing her mind and wanting to be with him is Because of everything re: connor, but then like, just b/c she says in Only Us that she Doesn’t want it all to be about connor doesn’t change all of that......like, yeah, it can be true that she wants this relationship to be separate from anything re: connor, but just having her Say That does nothing to convince me that oh yeah they have this whole Romance that really *is* separate from connor, like?? where??? we haven’t seen it. and when zoe says at the end that she wishes she could’ve dated evan minus [everything that actually happened], again: why!!!!! what *was* your Relationship-Minus-Connor. here it Supposedly is in “only us,” except that the tl;dr of it is just them insisting they totally have a relationship which involves Them and Nothing Else and i do not buy it just b/c they’re saying it??? i mean, for a start, they’re just Hypothesizing it. “what if it’s us & only us” etc etc “we could Try that” like, fuck around and find out, pretty literally i guess??? lmfaoo god.........

like, there’s some space between “hey maybe the Entire Solution to your being Anxious about this relationship isn’t a handy list of things i like about you” and “i shouldn’t tell you anything i like about you” like, sure there’s something that maybe works in like, why don’t you just Assume i like you instead of assuming i Don’t until Proven Otherwise, but again she can get that across And tell him (and like, more importantly, us the audience) why she likes him......and she can give some of those reasons why she likes him Without it being just a list of traits or things she’s noticed a la “if i could tell her” lmao like, describe him broadly!!! talk about One Nice Experience you shared!!!! we have noooo info about why evan likes zoe or why zoe likes evan. we just know that they’re Nice Teens (or teens who feel obligated to act nice all the time) and they are saying “I Like You” to each other. why does this relationship feel so necessary and Good to zoe even after she found out he was lying, and was she having such a great time beforehand??? you can find lots of nice boys you can kiss if that’s what you’re after, like, neither love song tells us Anything about why this particular relationship is so important and good or like, has any substance at all

and additionally you Know i’m your one-stop shop for Hot Takes About Any Number Of Concepts Re: Romance(tm) Which I Think Are Bullshit Slash Hate lmfao and one of those is tying whatever notion of the Ideal Romantic Relationship to that like, isolating the partners, like oh they’re your whole world now and the relationship’s defined by the fact that you don’t need about anybody or anything else and/or don’t care about anything/anyone else even nearly as much and wouldn’t it be Great if nothing else existed but you and your partner and this relationship........like sure it’s one thing for evan and zoe to be like “hey epic some Alone Time where larry isn’t trying to share metaphors about sports equipment” or whatever. but like, okay sure @ the start of things where the focus is more on like “hmm weird that everything about our relationship is so tied to connor, what if we just sort of say it’s starting for real Now unrelated to all that, even though we even have to talk about it to do so” but then you get towards the end and oh we also want the whole world to be irrelevant to us. and absolutely everything except each other / It Is Only Us(tm) like.........again sure if you look at this Immediate Moment where they wanna make out and fade to black, whatever. but this moment is also supposed to be this second start to the relationship, at least sorta reestablishing it, so natch it’s sort of like....about More than this particular moment. the zoevan brand ethos is This??? where your relationship is defined by like, needing or Wanting to be [just the two of you] like, well it can’t always be, so what are you gonna do about that?? and if your Best Times Together in that ideal state of isolation is like, hey now let’s make out, okay, again there are many decently nice people out there to kiss

and there sure seems to be Some awareness that this isn’t ideal thanks to how the immediate next scene is alana going like “um what the fuck, evan” and evan taking out the stress of Having Problems on jared...........aaaand yet i’m not so sure this is like, “oh, the Only Us brand of approach of just wanting and trying to ignore The Rest Of The World wasn’t so ideal after all” but rather just like. Wow How Tragic that they couldn’t truly keep the rest of the world at bay and now reality is intruding on their perfect relationship :( which would suuuure seem to fit with the mystifying sentiment zoe expresses in the finale of like, oh i wish i could’ve dated you Normally w/o [how the entire course of their relationship played out] like. oh Only Us really WAS ideal, that’s the epitome of / the Core of all the great parts of their relationship which was obviously great, and if only everything re: tcp and connor wasn’t the way that it was, they would’ve just been able to forget obligations w/o someone being like “the hell” and hold hands and kiss without people talking about it or anyone feeling bitterly rejected........like, idk, would they Really have dated if the entire plot hadn’t happened as it did??? evan was never talking to zoe, and we don’t know why he liked her so much in the first place, and apparently zoe’s perception of evan was “sort of a loser” like, okay. and when they Are together thanks to tcp-related stuff, we get no more information about why they might like each other. that one potentially engaging thread of “we both feel obligated to put on these fronts of Constant Niceness” existed for like 3 seconds and then they just start being constantly nice around each other, great lol. like again, this doesn’t seem so much of like “oh, these teens just having a chill time dating maybe have this simplistic / offbase ideas about relationships” as much as like the show justifies Only Us and all the sentiments therein.........like yeah wow if Only it could’ve been only them and the rest of the world could’ve stayed out of it!!! everything would’ve been perfect!! b/c we tell you so

not to mention all the like Official covers of Only Us which areout of the specific context in which it’s placed in the show, which sure only emphasizes like “hey these sentiments can be and should be taken straightforwardly” and i’m like, get tf away from me with this lmfao i am So uninterested. a romantic relationship should do the Opposite of shrink / restrict your world or suddenly make all other relationships less important, much less like, require those things, and also the nuclear family model is a scam pushed by capitalism to cut off people’s support networks / isolate them lmao But Really It Is, social isolation is Not romantic or anything else that is ever positive. and it’d be Whatever if it truly was applied to that very specific moment of “boy it sure is Only Us in this room, :eyes emoji:” buuut it’s not, and it’d be Whatever if evan and zoe’s relationship was Meant to be sort of a misguided mess all around lmao Or just more superficial and casually enjoyable than meant as anything ~deep and Real(tm)~ buuuut it is not........i think canon does sure allow for the fact that things are messy for sure but i think it also definitely wants you to think that like. oh this Relationship was truly great and things were all good in its Core (jk, what core), it’s just that tragically all those complications with connor / tcp got too in the way........yet it was so Essential and ultimately positive that this relationship happen for both of us...........like, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lmaoooooo @ deh WHAT are your themes, What are either of these character’s arcs meant to be!!!!!!! idk zoe and evan's relationship more felt bizarrely like these two teens were Settling for white picket fence ideals of “well you’re nice and i’m nice and we could kind of tensely continue to be nice indefinitely” like, do you guys even like each other that much, do you Know each other at all, do either of you truly Enjoy being in this relationship??? and then meanwhile you get all the bizarreness re: larry and cynthia’s relationship and how it doesn’t actually improve but uhhh they’re going on dates and they’re not divorced so hey, i’m sure that’s good, you definitely helped them through Mystery Reasons...........and idk it seems like the idea of the Journey that zoe takes is that like, oh it’s Bad that this nice girl has to be mad, somehow dating evan will fix that and she won’t be mad, since being mad can never be a good thing, and Not being mad is always an improvement. like, why is she this cool with evan in the finale. why does she want to tell him she (and everyone) Needed what happened and that she wishes she could date him. deh is of the Mystery genre actually, and so much of it remains unsolved

also Only Us just gets fairly boring like 3 listens in i think. like can we literally pick up the pace a little. up the tempo. get it over with faster. i don’t even know at this point b/c i just choose not to listen to it ever lmfao every time the deh twitter tries to tell me about a cover it’s transphobic b/c i hate it. but i’d put up with it if i didn’t hate the ideas in it meant as ~romance~ and if any of this was tempered by evan and zoe’s relationship being written better and/or Not trying to be wrangled as like, “This Is Good Actually even if some parts aren’t perfect, the point is that evan was right to pin all his hopes on zoe, who’s needed in this show to validate his existence in the finale” like. what is this. and again, capitalism is bad and the nuclear family is Not the base unit of society, and what’s the deal with deh being like “well, as long as larry and cynthia don’t get divorced, right???? we don’t need to know that their relationship actually improved and that cynthia’s at all happier / feels like she has more of an identity or that larry has more fundamental respect for cynthia or thinks he’s not Automatically / Always Right just b/c his life has been fine.....they’re going on dates and aren’t divorced so that’s their Improved Ending!!” like, what’s up with that, right. the relationships that matter are Familial ones and dating the nice girl who has a juxtaposable family, and the other relationships, i.e. with jared and with alana, can evaporate into the ether and maybe get damnatio memoriae’d for as much as their existence plays into the finale. disappear.mp3. i have absolutely zero motivation to experience Only Us again ever lmao and in fact i guess i have negative motivation b/c i Want to avoid it and will take active steps in the sense of like “oh i’m watching deh? let me just skip past all these parts i don’t need to see again, including only us” like. i’m good

tl;dr  it annoys me & i do not think it works from Any structural standpoint