#also bc of the absolutely horrific post that was going around about her the other day bc my god she deserves better than this fandom

[justkindalivin]

Shotgun

a/n: AHHHHH hello!! I’m Lottie and I've been so horrifically obsessed with dealer Ellie that it's not even remotely okay. I had an idea for a fic and instead of requesting it from someone else, I decided why not write it myself! I’ve never posted any fics before bc I’m lowkey ass at writing so if any dialogue is awkward or the grammar is bad I'm so sorry :(  Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy it, have a great day I love you ♡    part 2

I kinda modeled the reader after me subconsciously, so the reader is a bit shy and bi (sorry to my lesbian baddies I luv yall, its only one line). Also, I just made up a random roommate named Sam, very sorry if your name happens to be Sam. 

Summary: After being dragged to a party by your roommate, you escape out to the porch for some air. Not realizing it was already occupied, you end up having a lot more fun at the party than you thought you would 

warnings: language, modern!au, dealer!ellie, weed, shotgunning, collage!au, things get the tiniest bit spicy (only a tad)

wc: 1.6k 

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The music pounded in your ears as you pushed past all the sweaty bodies in the middle of the room. Parties had never quite been your scene, but Sam had begged you to come with her and that girl does NOT take no for an answer

This all started with Sam bursting into your shared dorm, ripping your headphones out of your ears, and standing beside your desk with her hands on her hips. “Bitch, you never come out with me! It's like all you do is sit in the dorm all day, you gotta get out there!!” She excitedly screamed, pulling you to your closet to pick out what you should wear. 

You and Sam had been randomly paired as roommates but quickly got close despite how different the two of you seemed to be. Sam was always out at parties being social and seemed to know absolutely everyone on campus. You on the other hand... well were almost the exact opposite. You always joked that you were like the crotchety old man of your floor who only left for food or class, and just wants all those damn kids to quiet down while you’re trying to sleep. 

“Sigma Nu is throwing tonight, you HAVE to come with me. I’ll be lost without you please please please!” 

Sam was, in fact, not lost without you. She had practically ditched you the minute some frat boy asked her to play pong with him, leaving you alone and painfully sober in a sea of drunk college kids. As much as you loved Sam, she always seemed to do this whenever you come out with her. She’d beg that it wouldn't be fun without you but would leave as soon as you got there and you’d be stuck on babysitting detail for her drunk ass for the rest of the night. After about the fifth push and second drunk couple not noticing you leaned up against the wall and making out basically on top of you, you decided to leave in search of some desperately needed air. Weaving through sweaty drunk people should be a fucking Olympic sport because holy shit- you barely escaped with your life. After going through the kitchen, you finally found your way to a sliding door, quickly getting it open and stepping out into the cool night air. 

“Jesus christ why did I fucking come here,” you say under your breath, leaning against the porch railing and putting your head in your hands “And I can't even leave because I have to make sure Sam’s okay- god damn it”. Scrubbing your face with your hands, you look up at the sky and get lost in your own head until the sound of someone clearing their throat startles you. 

You quickly whip around, hand on your chest, to look at the other person who has also been occupying the porch without your noticing. A girl with short auburn hair and beautiful green eyes stands leaning up against the house. Her face is dotted with freckles and she’s wearing a comfy-looking flannel over a plain white tee, one hand shoved into the pocket of her jeans and the other holding a joint between two fingers. She is, without a doubt, one of the prettiest girls you’ve ever seen. You’re so entranced by her that you barely even notice when she says something to you. 

“oh...uhm- what?” you oh so eloquently reply, internally debating if you should throw yourself off the porch to make your escape from this awkward ass interaction. The girl smirks as her eyes scan you up and down- if you didn’t know any better you would think she was checking you out. 

“I said are you good? No offense but you kinda seem like you're freaking the fuck out” She repeats, smirk still present on her face as she brings the joint up to take a drag from it, blowing the smoke in your direction.

You blush, embarrassed that someone had been witness to your mini breakdown. “Yeah, I’m good. It's just a lot, you know? I don’t go to parties too often.” As soon as the words leave your mouth you cringe internally. Don’t go to parties a lot? You seriously couldn't think of anything cooler to say? Way to embarrass yourself in front of the hottest chick you’ve ever met. Your downward spiral continues until the girl breaks the quiet with a chuckle

“I get that, frats aren’t really my thing either but I get good business here so... here I am”. You nod your head, looking back up at the sky. “I’m Ellie, by the way. What's your name gorgeous?”. Your face feels like it's on fire, your brain practically short-circuiting trying to process that this actual goddess just called you gorgeous. You quietly tell her your name and when you look back at her, she has a wide smile stretching across her face. “Pretty name for a pretty girl.” 

Holy shit this girl is going to be the death of you. You’re sure that your face is going to melt off from how hard you’ve been blushing, the ability to speak has left you altogether. You’ve had flings in the past, with both boys and girls, but no one has ever been so brazenly interested in you. You find yourself desperate to know more about her, maybe run your hands through her hair and cup her face as you lean in for a- WOAH. You’re goin wild right now, you need to cool down

“So um... what do you sell?” You ask, trying to change the topic and give yourself some time to chill out. Ellie looks at the joint in her hands, then back at you with raised eyebrows. “Right right, sorry stupid question” you huff while looking down, embarrassed yet again by your lack of rizz. Ellie lets out a full-on laugh, pushing herself off the house and making her way over to you.

“You ever smoked before, pretty girl?” she asks while leaning on the railing next to you, so close you can feel the heat radiating off of her. Looking up, you’re surprised to see that her face is so close to yours that your noses are practically touching. 

“A few times, not a ton. I cough a lot though, so it's kinda embarrassing to do it with other people”. Ellie taps off the ash at the end of her joint, seemingly contemplating something before turning her attention back to you

“Well if you’re down to smoke, we can try a different way that maybe will help you cough less. That is, only if you want to”. You’re surprised by how quickly you accept her offer, asking her what she had in mind. Ellie moves from beside you to directly in front of you, planting her empty hand on your waist and bringing the joint she held in her other hand up to your face. “Okay, so it's called shotgunning. Just open your mouth after I take a hit, sound good?”. All you can do is nod, mesmerized as she brings the joint to her lips. The moon reflects off her soft skin, the end of the joint burning a deep orange as she inhales. After her hit, Ellie looks over at you and you do as she said. 

Flicking away what little is left from her blunt, Ellie cups your face with her now empty hand and brings her mouth to yours. As she’s kissing you she blows the smoke into your mouth, but you can barely concentrate, too focused on the feeling of her lips on yours. After only a few seconds, Ellie pulls away but keeps her forehead pressed to yours and you blow the smoke in her face as you both giggle.

You reach up and brush away a bit of hair that had fallen to cover Ellie’s eyes, running your fingers down the side of her face until you are cupping her cheek as well. You look at each other for a beat before you both lean in, lips meeting again. Ellie caresses your cheek before her hand moves to join her other one on your waist, finding their way under your shirt and stroking the skin there. She tries to deepen the kiss, licking your bottom lip which you playfully deny. Suddenly, Ellie pulls away for a moment to lift you up onto the porch railing. Your legs fall open and Ellie steps between them, connecting her lips to your neck and kissing down the side to your collarbone. Letting out a breathy moan, you grip the hair at the base of Ellie's neck and throw your head back. 

-SCHWOOP-

The noise startles you and you pull away from Ellie, much to her annoyance. Looking at the sliding glass door, you notice some obnoxious frat boy has thrown it open. 

“Hey, you deal right? I need a pre-roll if you have em”. Talk about a fucking cock block. Ellie all but growls into your neck, whipping around ready to give this dude the verbal thrashing of his life when you stop her by placing your hand on her shoulder. 

“It's okay, I need to find my roommate and get going anyway. But um... do you have your phone on you? Maybe I can give you my number and we can do this again sometime?”. Ellie smiles at that, pulling her phone out of her back pocket and handing it to you. Feeling bold, you give her one last kiss on the cheek before heading past the frat guy and back into the house.

You really hope she texts you. 

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an: tf kinda noise does a sliding door make? Def not schwoop but thats all my brain could come up with lmao. so thats my first ever fic, my writing could use some work so i’m def open to any feedback! Stay super freaky, have great vagina, I LOVE YAAAA 

[slowdripsunrise]

jfc okay so i have forgotten/been too lazy to write up reveiws here i apparently havent updated since. lone women which is well. so ive read a shit ton since then so i'm going try my best to write up as much as i can in this post bc i don't want to just. stop and skip over stuff. so well. here we go. spoilers for various books under the cut, i'll tag them all !

first book i finished after i last updated was silver nitrate by silvia moreno-garcia. been a while but damn do i remember the fucking vibes. absolutely killer vibes and atmosphere, and the plot was fun and interesting; i do remember being a bit confused in one of the final scenes fighting the guy but it wasnt enough to take me out of the story. the characters felt real and i could feel their love of movies and maybe each other off the page, definitely recommend if you're looking for an atmospheric, creepy little book.

next (and i'll just group these together) i read the poppy war trilogy by r. f. kuang ! absolutely wonderful storytelling and the characters were interesting and loveable. i think that this story succeeds in being one of the few good "war stories" as in it doesn't glorify or make light of any aspects of the war. there are good moments and bright spots throughout, but in the end pretty much every single character we know and love ends up dead, and before they're dead, they've been shaped so thoroughly by the war around them that there is no way anyone could have come out of this series thinking that it in any way romanticized the events. i loved everything about it and more. but while i did love the series. tbh i don't agree with everyone saying that its the most serious and intellectual and groundbreaking book in the entire world. yes it is groundbreaking and yes it is based on a lot of real life horrific events, but it's also. extremely entertaining. it's written beautifully and has some very poignant scenes that i love, and i am gonna be honest i lost where i was going with this point. i think what i'm trying to say is like before i read it, i saw a lot of people on the internet saying that it is like. the highest peak of literature and such and like. for me, it's mostly just a damn good time. i go into most books looking for entertainment (meaning like. i would like to feel emotions, not necessarily happy ones, just emotions in general) and what i think a lot of people made it seem like, was ONLY an epic tome about the brutality of war, the military, and colonization. and it absolutely is about that ! i am not docking points for it being about those things, in fact if it hadn't had all these hard hitting topics i wouldn't have liked it as much. but it's ALSO about rin, kitay, and nezha, and how they love and hate each other. and sometimes i think people lean too much into one aspect of the book, one way or the other (i have absolutely seen the inverse of this, people forgetting about the colonialism and militarization aspects in an impressive show of hypocrisy. which... is worse imo.) but idk. i have no idea what i am trying to say i just like this book yall.

next oml. okay again grouping them together for my own sake but i read the southern reach trilogy by jeff vandermeer ! this series was such a creepy and weird and offputting good time i ate that shit right up. the first book and the biologists pov are my favorites, and all of the insight we get from her and the first book into area x was just. so compelling i could not put that shit down. i'm pretty sure the second i finished in the hospital lol i was INVESTED. and honestly. i did really like the second book. not as much as the first, but i don't think it was bad or underwhelming compared to the first. once i got past the pov shift, i really liked controls pov partly because he is just some guy. like he is just so average and banal, and seeing this set against the absurdity of the rest of the book was really interesting. i liked how even though we weren't IN area x, the southern reach still had that otherworldly and offputting suspenseful energy, even in a familiar setting (office building type i mean. as opposed to weird as fuck forest). that and also i am deep into my f1 phase so like i kept picturing control as checo perez. like hes just so guy to me like hes just a normal guy that has no fucking clue whats going on and thats really funny and awesome to me. like man. anyway the third wasnt my favorite, but i still really like the series as a whole and will probably read the 4th one coming out whenever it does.

NEXT. sharks in the time of saviors by kawai strong washburn. did i cry. maybe. did i really like the story. yes. it was definitely a change of pace for me after reading the above books but the story was lovely and magical and engaging and very sad and i enjoyed every bit of it.

after that i read scattered all over the earth by yōko tawada, which is a story that i kinda have mixed feelings about? i listened to the audio book and the narrator did such a wonderful job, i loved listening to the two man characters talk about language in the mc's made up language, panska. and if the book was just about that, i probably would have liked it more, exploring language and the loss of it; however one of the side characters constantly get's misgenders when the story is outside of her pov. and it's like. really fucking distracting. so like i guess i don't have very mixed feelings about it lol. i liked one bit, definitely did not like another bit, and the rest of the book wasn't really strong enough to sway me back into the "i like this book and think it's interesting" camp. although if you can get past the blatant transphobia, the audio book really is nice to listen to, especially coming off a post surgery high.

next i read the ghost bride by yangsze choo ! this was another really atmospheric, palpable book. i could feel the setting, the humidity, the smells, all of it and it was so good! an engaging story, i'm pretty sure i read this one in a day or two. the characters were fun, the plot moved quickly in a way that made sense, and exploring the realms of the dead and the living with the characters was so fun, definitely recommend !

im gonna wrap this post up here mostly bc im hungry but i still have a lot more to update on ! if u made it this far thank you and also im sorry. happy reading!

[ryansjane]

omg I saw your post about the jungle and I have to rant because I’m so conflicted! On the one hand it has some of my favs in it and so I want to adore it, but on the other hand the whole thing is just MESSY. And from what I’ve heard of the source material, they’ve stuck to it super closely including dedicating a chapter/episode to each character and I think it’s that (plus the really underwhelming production values) that’s bothering me the most. As far as I’m aware there’s no overarching storyline and so it comes across as a series of short stories set in the same place. I also do recognise though that the actor schedules were also apparently really difficult to work around, and that’s probably affected the series in regards to scenes with the full or most of the cast.

Having said all that, I’ve definitely seen A LOT worse from gmmtv even in recent years and I keep reminding myself that at least it’s messy in a fun, sexy way rather than completely bland (apart from leemook which broke my heart because I was looking forward to seeing them together again). For example if I go by series this year, UMG looked beautiful and was acted well but was horrifically boring, double savage almost tried to market itself as a pseudo bl with perth and ohm and was tedious to get through, I couldn’t get past the first episode of loneliness society and I wasn’t enamoured with 10yt except for view and off. And that’s not me even touching on some of the underwhelming bls.

Also I am trying to keep the faith and have hope because I feel there’s been a drastic improvement from episode 1 to episode 6 and that scene with the twins fighting each other in the parking lot in particular was so good and such an amazing performance from Nanon who apparently worked for 6 hours shooting it and I commend him going so hard for something as unserious as this

okay so first of all I agree with mostly everything you said in this post! I didn't even know the show was adapted from an original material, now the one episode per character makes much more sense! but yeah the lack of overarching material IS an issue, but on top of that the writing is so bad?? from the shows you've mentioned I've only seen 10yt & loneliness society, which I both liked enough & personally I think the writing for these shows is MILES better than for the jungle. I agree that ep 6 was the best episode so far, and it's down to nanon's AMAZING performance & also his great chemistry with mild, but all of that could not cover how SHIT the writing was this ep. nithan is DISAPPOINTED that naannam does a no show to her engagement ceremony EVEN THOUGH she now believes him to be a cheater and a MURDERER??? then he shows up & SHE'S HAPPY???? then the real naannam arrives & professes his love without clearing the air once & telling her the truth AND SHE STILL ACCEPTS TO BE WITH HIM?????? the twins make up OUT OF NOWHERE??? and say they love each other OUT OF NOWHERE???? in fact, I was so confused as to which twin was who until I watched this latest ep, and believe we shouldn't have known of naanfah existence at all until the reveal to punpun's character so WE'D BE SHOCKED TOO!!! yes that would've been a cliche plot twist, but at least there would have BEEN a plot twist! I just cannot, tbh. it's giving the three gentlebros level of writing but with even less screen time & I actually liked t3gb bc it was a silly surface level romcom whereas this does not want to be one but most absolutely is. the dichotomy is killing me I fucking hate it here 😭

xxx

[kisiselintihar]

childe. any question. the questions u want to answer most about him. the questions u r most drawn to. just childe.

our cutie patootie btw.

THE FREAK❗in genshin impact 2 they will let you kill this guy btw. for mmmeeeeeee :3

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

I was going to say tgcf due to Reasons i will not disclose bc oomf doesn't know the entire lore & i don't want to spoil him. etc. & what i'm thinking wouldn't necessarily need the umm. specific universe of the books anyways. so this is why he needs to be in (normal guy voice) martyrs (2008) because 1) i like making possibly insane crossovers between my interests 2) he would fit the role of a character rlly good 3) i like putting fictional characters in morbid situations. to no one's surprise

(spoilers 4 the entire movie + warnings for a lot of abuse (the sexual kind excluded) & cult & suicide talk: basic premise is that there's a cult systemically torturing women because they believe They specifically can achieve martyrdom & see into the afterlife, if there is one, therefore finally answering the question of what happens after death, though you don't get to learn this until later on in the movie. Anyway. Years ago a young girl manages to escape said cult's torture room by pure chance (i'm saying room but every victim has their own. let's say. cell. for isolation purposes & to further the "mind break") and long story short with the help of her childhood friend she manages to find the people (though not the cult itself) who tortured her & while she does actually kill them she ends up being unable to escape the horrors inflicted upon her mind and commits suicide. Her friend ends up being another victim the cult intends to use and the thing is. every woman who has suffered at their hands develops a sort of hallucination (i think that's the correct term for it) that never seems to leave and nearly all of them are of people or things they dread up until This Woman specifically. She hallucinates her dead friend's voice and through genuine love (i'm not shitting you here. it's actual queer stuff) she feels for her she manages to achieve martyrdom & see what happens after death, though the audience never gets to find out what she saw because after she only reveals it to the head of the cult said head of the cult like. kills herself. & people interpret this as either post death circumstances are so horrific she feels everything they've done is meaningless & so succumbs into pure despair or the opposite, it's better than anything she could've possibly imagined and wanted to experience it as soon as possible. either way the martyred girl enters a catatonic (?) state and with the only person who knew the truth gone the cycle starts all over again. the end.)

The only problem i have with this is that i genuinely have no idea who the cult considers as women seeing as they've only tortured cisgender women. i think. so he would have the be a cis girl but i can work with that (this once) anyway so what i'm saying is he would absolutely fit the role of the girl who achieves true tranquility through queer love & devotion. also i'm ill

Another thing: this may sound like it's meaningless torture porn but it Rlly isn't. i skipped a bunch of other stuff so it didn't get too long, which .. it did anyway . my bad, but the theme of the movie is literally jst . love for another that lets you hold on & also let go. yk

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

nsfwish talk ↓

The fucking. jesus christ. the whole thing of him being a fuckboy & whatnot. ? are you insane. legitimately are we looking at the same guy here. ???????????????????

^ my honest reaction. like he's also been in the fucking fantasy russian mafia since he was like, what, 14?? i don't think he had/has the time or desire to literally fuck around AND EVEN IF HE DID. EVEN SO.? he would not be whatever the fuck it is they put in college aus get fucking REAL. you will all be ripped apart by a pack of dogs ❤️

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I'm putting this here solely because i canNot stop thinking about medically questionable uterus removal surgery in the fucking abyss. skirk voice boy you can't stay alive with all this blood you're attracting every single monster in the vicinity. come here

(tbh i've always thought he cut his hair during that time too but i forgot periods were a thing. he gets another medically questionably surgery later frm dottore btw hashtag diversity win or whatever)

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

This one's for shits & giggles bc while i don't remember what my First first impression of him was i did genuinely like. loathe his ass. slash serious btw i'm talking full blown rage hands shaking seeing red get rid of this fucking guy shit. I don't even know Why he jst genuinely did something Insane to my brain i was like Okay. get him out of my fucking sight right NOW i never want to see this thing on my dash ever again. and then the disease happened. 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️

(for clarification i still want him gone but it's more like why on fucking earth am i into this man. it's so Over. rather than actual legitimate hate 👍 normal behavior per usual)

26. Freebie question.

There is no question i'm making you look at him. you Will look at him .

is he stupid?

^ bonus edit frm tt i think about every other day because i am very well and also insanely normal. ❤️

[not-that-blog]

TW: this is a post about clothing size and the realisation of the pride of my ED recovery while acknowledging the family patterns that triggered my ED.

My family is very very size biased. Like horrifically so and I didn't really see the full extent until now. Not because I didn't know; but because I just realised why I'm having anxiety buying new clothes.

My mum when I was growing up would tell me that she was absolutely overweight because of the size of her jeans.

My sister used to chuck a hissy fit about the Marilyn Monroe was a modern 14 at times, because she somehow lives in the '0-6 is a normal size' (fucking peak 90's heroin chic era teenage years did a number there).

And it just hit me; the reason I feel both normal but bothered by my current size and the fact I'm still gaining weight; despite having wanted this for years and being thrilled to have tangible proof of ED recovery and life... is that they hated this.

I'm wearing my mums jeans from my childhood; I remember her complaining about her weight and dieting then. She was in her 40's.

My sister and I used to share clothes, I was sulky when we no longer could.... now I look at her with concern because a healthy 20-30yr old should not be the same size as a 15yr old with an ED.

And the thing is; I don't really have a fear of my size or being fat by mine or anyone else's internal definition. I'm afraid of healthcare workers ignoring me; but that was already a problem.

But hearing my families judgment is so weird.

They're so harsh and critical and treat food as morality and control instead of substance and joy.

They treat weight and size like a prize and a choice and a defining characteristic.

And I'm here like: 'I'm almost a size 16 and I feel better with the weight than I ever did as an XS'

Like; I miss the cheap pretty clothes from valley girl and ali. But I also don't miss the constant food anxiety and the feeling of being just a number.

Like you know what fucking rocks? Stretchy flare pants. Size 14 jeans that make my ass go POW. Flowy tops and the way my crop top looks now that my body is soft and smooth and not lowkey showing my trauma from a clear sign of neglect via food restriction

Like recovery is feeling my boyfriend's hands on my hips, my waist, my thighs and not feeling my bones against his hands and lowkey being afraid of pain and triggered into a spiral space about size and if I'm small enough but also 'oh god is the ED obvious' but instead; feeling just his hands. Just the full sensations of his hands grabbing and holding and pushing me gently to bed or pulling me into him with the intention of covering me in kisses and affection and love.

Recovery is warmth and laughter and looking at my sister and her babies and no longer seeing what I aspire to be in what I thought she was but being ready to fight her world view and be very defensive about things to protect her kids from her self destructive behaviours.

Recovery is being excited for size 16 jeans (bc they're easier to find than 14s).

Recovery is saying fuck yeah to 3-4 meals a day.

Recovery is loving myself no matter what and loving myself means food and nourishment and happiness and kissing my boyfriend and sitting on top of him completely unafraid of my weight.

And recovery means realising what they taught me consciously, thinking it's fucking stupid and hilariously ignorant and dumb and moving on with my life knowing that beauty and happiness are intertwined only because you find beauty when you find genuine happiness not the other way around.

[septembersghost]

a few weeks ago, I was talking to @elliotschafer about S6 and the Braedens (and I would absolutely not have pulled this from the vault were it not for Polina wanting to read it), and the terrible sadness that underpins their story, and it unearthed the memory that basically one of the only pieces I ever wrote and willingly posted - that was actual story and wasn't reflection or fractured glimpses of narrative or poetry or meta specifically about Dean (as there are so many of those posts scattered all around the internet like petals) - was about them, ten years ago. (I was deeply upset by the memory erasing, which...remains.) anyway, I decided to dig it up out of its grave. the date on this was May 23, 2011, which is...wild. I didn't change a word, for better or worse, it’s exactly as it was in the document from a decade ago.

I was also apparently listening to "Trust Me" by The Fray (I entitled the journal entry "looking for something I've never seen"), if you really want a throwback mood, and MORE things the universe mocks and weaves together for me, because I pulled up the lyrics on Genius and it says: Release Date - September 13, 2005

of course it does. of course, what else could it possibly be? I hear you, fate, I know. (waving to my little self of 10 years ago, not sure if this song is about Dean anymore or if it's about me. it's probably both, it usually is.)

If I say who I know, it just goes to show You need me less than I need you Take it from me, we don't give sympathy You can trust me, trust nobody But I said you and me, we don't have honesty The things we don't wanna speak I'll try to get out, but I never will Traffic is perfectly still

We're only taking turns Holding this world It's how it's always been When you're older, you will understand And then again, maybe you don't And then again, maybe you won't

the thing is, the way I concluded this at the time, as I was fumbling around for some semblance of hope - because that's my brand, it's what I do - I forgot I ended it the way I did. it's likely not been read since I initially posted it, so I forgot...the way I left it. that I would have no idea the added poignancy it would have, all this time later. Dean just has a way of doing that, gleaming by accident, an ember that sparks into a flame and burns on, long after he’s walked over and out of the threshold.

(additionally tagging @someoneoffthestreet​, @laurelwinchester​, and @deandaydreams​, bc you are all with me in my deanlisa emotions hive, and I may as well embarrass myself thoroughly! no pressure to read it though, and of course anyone who wants to is welcome to. 🤍)

look at my icon from back then! I can’t believe this is still active:

(the note is from the original entry too)

Note: This is probably the only fic that will ever get posted here, so I'm not quite sure how to introduce it. Memories are an interesting concept - they make us who we are, they help us grow. They move us forward and hold us back. They fill us with fear and with hope. The idea of losing them is unsteady ground. Would we really want to erase events, even painful ones, just for peace of mind? Would we ever want to forget someone we loved? And what if the choice was entirely out of our hands? All of these things were haunting me following the S6 finale of SPN ("Let It Bleed" in particular), and Friday night, this grew out of that idea.

Fragments. Lisa wasn’t in the hospital for long. Her injuries hadn’t been serious. Lucky, the doctors said. A nurse picked up her chart, flipped through the pages, frowned. Mention of a stab wound casually jotted amongst the notation on minor soft tissue impacted by the accident. Obviously, someone had made a mistake. It wasn’t even enough to cause concern. The nurse handed her the forms, she signed them, and her son wheeled her out, through sterile white corridors, the smell of antiseptic and latex gloves burning her nose. Ben was uncharacteristically quiet. Something about the car accident had him shaken. She tried to reassure him. After all, they were fine. But a nearly imperceptible whisper in the back of her mind left her uneasy. It wasn’t anything she could define. It was that feeling you get when you’ve left a light on in an empty house – nagging, persistent. Unsettling. Certain details of the situation didn’t add up. For one, their car hadn’t been damaged. Hell, their car was still at home. In the garage. And they were miles away. Not far enough to cause real alarm, not past state lines, but far enough for it not to make sense. A friend from work had to pick them up in front of the hospital, and when they were asked how it happened, neither of them could answer. The man who had hit them disappeared into the night. No report was filed. If it wasn’t for the aching all over her body and the tenderness in her side, there would be no indication of an accident at all. Her friend told her gravely that Matt had died. It was unexpected, he had also suffered a freak accident. “How horrible,” Lisa said, but she wasn't acquainted with anyone named Matt. Her friend muttered something about shock or temporary amnesia, looked at her kindly, and the subject was dropped. When they got home, they found a living room window broken, along with a chair in Ben's room and other odds and ends. Nothing was missing, though. It didn’t even look like a break-in. It was strange, like everything else had been strange. She called a repair man, the window was fixed, and the house became as ordinary as it had ever been. When Ben nearly cut his foot on a shard of glass embedded in the rug, she practically destroyed that patch of floor, vacuuming it incessantly and digging at it with her fingernails, as if something else was buried there. When she realized this erratic behavior was scaring her son, she pulled herself together. What the hell was going on? She felt like her entire brain was bruised. Work had given her a couple of days off to recover, and she let Ben stay home from school with her. It felt like they both needed a little time, even though there was no clear medical necessity. She took hot baths. Ben played video games. She made spaghetti for dinner and he silently helped her clear the plates. He smiled at her and said an “I love you, Mom,” before she sent him off to bed. And when the time to recoup was over, their schedules settled back in, like clockwork. It was fine. It was normal. It was the life they’d always had, wasn’t it? A week later, she sat in front of the mirror in her room, brushing out her hair. It took twenty minutes before she realized she hadn’t stopped. There was absolutely nothing wrong. That was the problem. When she crawled into bed, she felt incredibly alone. She went to the closet and pulled out an extra pillow. She had no idea why it was even there, but she suddenly wanted it. It smelled like a mixture of Old Spice, whiskey, and strong soap. A hint of cinnamon, tang of ashes. It was a stranger’s smell. Yet she clung to it, the way she’d clung to her stuffed rabbit when she was a child. Something in her desperately wanted to cry, but she held it in. There was no explanation for tears. It was another two days before she found the shotgun. This detail filled her with an immediate sense of fear. Under no circumstances should there have been a shotgun in the damn closet. She’d never even been this close to a shotgun before. Had she? The sight of it was dreadful, but she didn’t quite know how to get rid of it. The solution was to hide the firearm in the back of the hall closet and forget it was there. And she did. She found Ben in his room, listening to his iPod. He pulled out the earbuds when she entered, and something led her to pick it up. He was listening to Zeppelin. What kid his age listened to classic rock? When she asked who had recommended it, he honestly responded that he didn’t know. Like the pillow, and the shotgun, she let it go. They were simply loose threads. That’s when the dreams started. They were nothing at first. A face in her crowded subconscious. When she started seeing it more clearly, the face began to stay with her. In her waking hours, she realized it was the man from the hospital. The guy who’d hit them. The one who’d disappeared. He was nothing to her. She’d barely had a fleeting glance from the hospital bed. But the face…the face wouldn’t leave her. It became a minor obsession. She called the hospital and requested the records, but there was no mention of him anywhere. The nurses had no recollection of a man even being there. She asked Ben if he could remember the man’s name, but he couldn��t. He only had one vivid memory of the man – "You take care of your mom." He hadn’t even come past the threshold of the door, but she remembered. She remembered the cadence of his voice. She remembered the way he smiled at her, intimately, with so much inexplicable sadness buried underneath. She remembered he looked like he hadn’t slept in a year. She remembered the exact shade of green in his eyes, and how they crinkled at the edges. She remembered the freckles scattered across the bridge of his nose. She remembered he was beautiful. Frankly, she started to wonder if she was losing her mind. She found a shirt buried in a drawer that smelled like the stranger pillow. She laid next to it and finally cried. She cried for hours. She cried until her eyes were raw and her breath was coming in short, stabbing gasps. She cried every single dream, every single flash of an image, every bit of that scent, every syllable of the voice, right out of her body. That was when she forgot altogether. It took another four months for her to find the shoebox. She was rummaging in the top of that same hall closet, the one harboring the fugitive shotgun, in search of an umbrella, in case she needed it the next morning. Rain was slamming against the window panes, the wind was causing tree branches to scrape the glass like phantom fingernails in the dark. A slam made her jump and her flying hand hit the lightbulb, smashing it against the wall. The remains tinkled to the floor softly. Frustrated, she got the dustpan, a stool, and a new bulb. Slivers of glass were swept carefully up and discarded. Standing on the stool, she replaced the broken bulb, and the light from the new one seemed too bright, almost harsh, like sunlight flooding a room that hasn’t been occupied for a long time. She blinked twice before stepping off her perch, and saw the box, tucked away on the top shelf. Something tugged at her memory, and she brought the box down with her. She carried it gingerly to the sofa, as if she was afraid it would explode. She stared at it, lightly tracing the design on the lid with her fingertips. It took her a couple of minutes to decide she was being ridiculous and lift the lid. The scent hit her immediately. The same scent. The pillow, the shirt. Her heart immediately began beating much too quickly. On top was a necklace, a simple charm on a silver chain, something that looked like it would be given in affection. There was a spare car key. The bottom rattled, and she found a few extra bullets. She removed one and held it in her palm, where it felt unnaturally cold. She shivered and dropped it back in its place. Nestled between these metal items, which seemed like symbols of both protection and danger, was an envelope. One of those cheap grocery store envelopes they used when they developed photographs. Gingerly, she pulled it out. She lingered at the flap. Mystery photographs didn’t seem like a good idea. But it was too late not to look. First, there were she and Ben, pulling faces at the camera. Then, one of her alone, sitting on the porch steps. Her own expression was foreign to her, something out of a life she'd never experienced. It made her afraid, and it hurt in a way that she didn’t understand. Then she got to the next picture, and there he was. The boyish grin, the green eyes, the freckles, all of it. The face that had abruptly stopped haunting her dreams was suddenly staring directly at her. The next picture was of the two of them. His arm was around her shoulders. There were pictures of he and Ben. There were pictures of Ben in his truck. This man that had never existed was suddenly all too real. The final photograph in the bunch was of the three of them, smiling, sitting close together, looking like…like a family. Looking complete. The kind of family she and Ben had never quite had. It didn’t make sense. There wasn’t a part of her that could logically comprehend any of this. But every fiber of her being told her it was right, every throb of her heart in her own ears told her what it meant. She took the photo and put it in a frame, and she put the frame on a table, in amongst class pictures of Ben and shots of she and her sister. If she knew anything, she knew it belonged there. She never remembered who he was, nor did Ben. There was no context, no name. Only fragments scattered around the house, cast adrift like little ghosts. They never discussed him. Not really. There wasn’t enough of anything tangible to discuss. There was no reason for the sense of comfort his face gave them. There was no reason, but he became an unspoken talisman, something to believe in. In the corners of their memories and the deepest parts of their souls, he was there. Somehow, he had existed. And he reminded them to live.

[imreallyloveleee]

ok my braindump on Yellowjackets (just under a cut bc it’s long)

- Christina Ricci is my absolute favorite thing to watch on this show. what a fun and creepy and weird performance. no notes. (though, sidenote, before i actually watched the show and had only seen GIFs, i 100% thought she was playing the adult version of Ella Purnell, because they both have that “disproportionately large eyeballs” thing going on. when they showed her “Misty” nametag in the pilot i was like “oh so Jackie changed her name” lolol)

- Juliette Lewis is also fantastic. my heart just aches for Natalie. even though they’re not that physically similar, i think the teen/adult actors do such a good job syncing their performances. out of all the survivors, it’s least clear to me what role she might fill in regard to the forest cult that seems to be forming (though as an adult she sounds like one of the skeptics), and that’s very intriguing. please see previous post for my thoughts on her hair, which seems to be emerging from her skull already bleached.

- that said, the romance with Travis doesn’t really work for me...i think it’s that the actor playing him is pretty flat. he's a straight-up dick to her at times but on the other hand he a) saw his father die pretty horrifically and b) was sexually assaulted and almost murdered by a pack of feral teen girls so like...he is arguably having one of the rougher times out there, and he’s a 16-yr-old boy so of course he doesn’t know how to manage those emotions in a productive way. i think that would come across better with a stronger actor, here he does just sort of come off as dickish.

- now is where i admit that i find Shauna incredibly boring in both timelines. granted, you do need someone more grounded than Misty or Natalie as the center of the show. but i have seen so much chatter about how incredible Melanie Lynskey is, and while i do think she’s a very good actor...almost nothing about adult Shauna compels me. idk. her scenes are the ones where i usually find my attention drifting. teen Shauna is boring too. it’s also funny to me that there was apparently SO MUCH speculation about who Adam was over the weeks, because watching it all in one go, it never really occurred to me to think he was anything other than...some guy she rear-ended. all that said, her pregnancy is definitely one of the most horrifying things about the wilderness timeline to me. in all honesty i think that will probably result in a stillbirth, given the lack of sustenance they’re all going to face through the winter. but generally not looking forward to the resolution on that lol.

- Taissa falls somewhere in between for me. i find her VERY compelling in the wilderness timeline. she’s much more proactive than the other girls, and i’m extremely interested to see whether she ends up emerging as the leader of rationalists in opposition to Lottie’s occultism, or - maybe she eventually challenges Lottie as leader, and Taissa is the actual Antler Queen we see in the pilot? in the present, the freaky occult stuff that’s going on with her is interesting too - like that shot where you realize she’s the woman in the tree! ahhh! but i felt like there were too many endless scenes of her worrying about her campaign, and it was so strange to me that her wife was constantly complaining “you’re never around! you’re always on the job!” and yet we NEVER see her with a single campaign staffer until the finale? i’m going to assume it was a covid/budget issue but felt off and very repetitive. that discovery of her little shrine at the end of the season suggests there’s lots of room for things to get really wild and creepy with her though.

- i love Van, we all love Van, i’ll be psyched if she’s revealed to still be alive in the present, but: no way she would have survived that wolf attack. and the idea that they would have been able to stitch up her face like that is absurd. immediately after the attack, you could see her teeth and her jaw; part of her cheek was missing. you could not accomplish that kind of surgery on her face without skin grafts. i’m also not 100% sure whether i buy that she would be one of the first to go all-in on being a Lottie follower but i’m more than willing to see how they develop it.

- Lottie is interesting but would be much more interesting if they gave her some personality traits other than “clairvoyant.” like right now it’s very tough to get a read on whether she’s sort of accumulating these followers intentionally or not...it would be nice to know more of her backstory so you could get a sense of like - is this someone like Misty, who is seizing their chance to play a different role in the group than she did back in the real world? or is this all more incidental than that? psyched to learn that she’s still alive in the present though!! 

- gotta admit that were i to ever end up in this situation i would absolutely be the Jackie, who is completely helpless at survival skills, uninterested in learning them, and mostly contributes by being like “ok but a seance would be so dope!!” i was surprised that she died this early on in the story, but i liked the symbolism, and i suspect it’s the right decision story-wise, because i don’t know that there were actually a lot of different ways for that character to grow? anyway RIP, she didn’t deserve it. i hope she comes back as a ghost, this show could use more ghosts.

- one thing that drove me CRAZY about the finale was that girl Allie chairing the class reunion after they explicitly stated in the pilot that she was a freshman. what is this, Riverdale? and it’s extra annoying because a “i was supposed to be there too!!” character trying to capture a piece of the attention for herself feels so spot-on, but they kind of ruined it by making her so cartoonish (that accent! where did it come from!?)

- overall, i’m really enjoying the show, but find it slightly lacking because of how much hype i’ve seen around it (both online and from friends IRL). i think it’s like, maybe 10% less smart than people are giving it credit for, and a lot of the dialogue is pretty clunky. the performances are what save it. but, i’m intrigued and excited for next season!

[crimeronan]

Can you explain the appeal of Julian Blackthorn? This is a genuine question because I read the books and came away utterly bored by him and unconvinced of his moral greyness as opposed to like, Adam Parrish’s. He seemed so one dimensional to me but I want to know if I’m Wrong TM considering I tend to be very very biased toward my favourite characters and bored by the rest, and my favourites were Mark and Kieran. So maybe I just didn’t pay him enough attention??

it’s been a while since i wrote any earnest tsc meta but cringe culture is dead and the chance to infodump about my julian thoughts has me vibrating where i’m sitting so.  yes okay.

technical stuff

(aka: things pertaining to How The Story Is Constructed)

cassandra clare’s characterization has become much stronger just in general since she first began writing the series like twenty years ago

perhaps most importantly: the more recent stuff i’ve read from her has involved characters who actually grow, change, and learn from their past mistakes 

rather than repeating the same stupid decisions over and over again

and over and over and over some more

seriously take a shot every time someone in tmi miscommunicates or self-destructs in ways They Have Learned Not To Do for no real reason. u will die of alcohol poisoning

in tda this shines ESPECIALLY with the evolution of mark, kieran, and cristina’s relationship, but that’s a separate post

clare’s trademark is also the angsty traumatized jerkass love interest with a secret heart of gold

the woman is almost singlehandedly responsible for draco in leather pants and the proliferation of this kind of character type in fandom and teen lit. this isn’t a criticism it’s me marveling at how if you commit hard enough to a single trope you truly can change the world.  follow your dreams

sad jackass with a heart of gold isn’t an Inherently Problematic Character Type

but poorly done it can lead to relationship dynamics in which one partner is constantly being hurt by and then forgiving the other despite them making no real effort to change, because they are narratively absolved due to being sad

(there’s a lot of this with earlier jace content.  in some ways i think will was later created specifically to be a same-archetype protagonist who actually does get called on his shit and grow. that’s also another post)

also if all of your sexy male love interests are tortured jackasses with a heart of gold then people start calling you a one-trick pony

enter julian blackthorn!

from the very start everything about him is designed to be the INVERSE of the heart of gold jackass.  which immediately makes him interesting just from a meta perspective

(mark and kieran are also both alternate angles on this time-honored archetype.  mark gets the heart of gold and kieran gets the jackass and then they’re both much more deeply messy than that.  yet another post)

julian is kind, self-sacrificing, empathetic, artistic, emotionally supportive, responsible, and favored by old grannies everywhere

so a completely nonthreatening milquetoast guy, right

immediately forgettable if you’re only here for the dramatic conflicts and shithead antics of clare’s other protags

except that he is A Mess

and that he has structured his priorities very carefully, and they are as selfless as you expect from The Hero (TM) but they are also Not Heroic (TM) and they do not align with the moral framework The Hero (TM) is supposed to use

moral ambiguity in characters always exists in relation to their narratives imo. you mention adam parrish - trc’s narrative already mucks around in different ethical shades of gray, and adam falls on the canon scale about where julian does on his canon scale.  both more willing than the average pov character to do the ruthless thing or make the fucked-up choice if the ends justify the means; both with an intensely strong sense of internal priorities that they adhere to at all costs, both so unbelievably fucking down for murder; etc

i do think there are ways julian’s choices could have been pushed even further, but considering the number of readers who hate his guts already, i can see why clare opted not to go for the most controversial possible conflicts

so we’re flipping the narrative

instead of seeing this angsty bad boy and peeling back the layers of his trauma to find his heart of gold, we’re seeing the put-together selfless family man and peeling back the layers of his Responsibility Mask to expose the rotting husk underneath

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

THAT IS FUN AS FUCK

then when julian DOES lash out in hurtful, uncontrolled ways, he has significantly more narrative justification for it than most of clare’s protagonists (will elaborate in characterization thoughts)

julian is also interesting as fuck because of how his struggles allow for a more in-depth look at the failings of shadowhunter society, something that’s also sorely lacking in clare’s earlier work

his apparent amorality is simply the result of him making pragmatic and impossible choices because he has been faced with fucked-up ethical dilemmas since age 12 Because Society Has Failed Him

which opens the door for narrative exploration of how and why he’s been failed so badly & what needs to change

i also love that he has such a coldly calculated way of analyzing situations and allowing harm to occur when need be, bc a lot of clare’s early protagonists have such a bad case of Rush In And Get Myself Killed Because I’ve Got Feelings About Impulsive Heroism syndrome that i wanna push them in front of a truck

probably there’s other meta narrative stuff i could say but i’m stopping myself and moving on to character analysis

characterization stuff

(aka: reasons why i’m also attached to him in a vacuum)

i don’t read him as one-dimensional at all tbh

u may feel the narrative pushes “ruthless julian blackthorn” too much without delivering enough actual ruthless julian But i don’t think that’s the same as having only one dimension

from the get-go, the big question centered on julian is always “how far are you willing to go?” and the narrative pushes the stakes slowly higher and higher to continuously test julian’s “the price is always justified” mindset

he has a far more layered and realistic response to trauma than clare’s early protagonists - trauma affects every single aspect of his personality and how he conducts himself, and the effects vary depending on the circumstances

his conviction that he has to be the perfect parent to his siblings because they will fall apart if they see him show weakness??  rooted in how he feels like he’s fallen apart since losing the stable adult support he once relied upon

his willingness to hurt semi-innocent people, commit coldblooded murder, manipulate people using political leverage, allow harm to befall any stranger if it protects his family??  rooted in how he has already had to ask himself how much he’s willing to sacrifice, and how his family is his only source of stability when the world has never done Shit for him

his conviction that he has a darker heart than anyone else because he killed his possessed father, even though intellectually he knows he was saving his brother’s life??  rooted in having no means of processing this trauma and being unable to voice his feelings for fear of backlash from a deeply non-understanding society

the way he represses every single negative emotion he ever has, to the point where emma - his actual literal magic soulmate who can feel his emotions - is startled to find him hurting or angry??  once again all about how he has to be the perfect father or he’s failed completely

the way his anger is so totally disproportionate to different situations and the way his negative emotions can only come out in completely uncontrolled breaks??  all that repression baybey.  this kid has not processed a single bad feeling in five years.  every single real grievance and petty annoyance has been festering indefinitely inside him like a slowly spreading infection

julian’s arc involves him needing to get thru being his worst self to actually start to heal

as in, he has to actually learn to acknowledge his feelings, take care of himself, lean on his family, and let other people take some responsibility

he also has to learn that in his quest to be the perfect emotionally controlled authority figure, he has not actually learned how to control or deal with his emotions. like. At Fucking All. good god

the narrative setup is also about asking “how far are you willing to go?” until the answer is finally “not this far.  not this far”

and once he reaches that point, he has to reevaluate everything about how he weighs his priorities and morals and plans, etc

(i also like that emma has a perpendicular arc in which she’s always the one tempering julian and telling him “no we can’t go that far” until she’s willing to do something horrific that he absolutely won’t and HE has to stop HER. very sexy)

it’s also just really nice to have a character who’s learned to relate so well to literally every single member of his family while still having a very detached ruthless interior consciousness. i have similar feelings about how adam teaches himself to love people, but with julian it’s spelled out more explicitly in canon & it’s a more central character theme

i’m sure i’m also forgetting stuff here but this post is long enough so i’m gonna say good enough

and like i said in the tags on my other post, there are things i’d personally write differently if it were my story - plot points i’d shift, character contrasts i’d up, themes i’d explore differently, pacing i’d adjust, etc.  i have plenty of ways i could be nitpicky and editorial about the effectiveness of julian’s arc.  but i also don’t feel like writing them out at the moment & none of my critiques on effectiveness have an impact on the core appeal of his character 2 me.  he’s so fucking good

[bi-bi-richie]

Honestly Patty and Richie are both absolutely batshit 😌 they get wine drunk while they plot how to get Stan and Eddie back, bc they refuse to even thinking of the possibility of them not. Like, it just isn't an option

Richie and Patty share their experiences with Stan, to catch each other up on his life, and they both talk about their loves. It's a meant-to-be friendship, and she's a Loser that's just a little late to the game

Stan and Eddie also get a major bollocking when they get brought back, then they hug and cry

Okay I really didn’t expect that post to blow up as much as it has so I decided to write this out! Hope you enjoy it :) also based on this post

The Derry Townhouse was, in short, filthy. It clearly hasn’t been maintained in years, the building itself has such an aura that screams get out. But, thankfully, the liquor is clean, or that’s what Richie told her and at this point, she’s inclined to believe him. Truth be told, it was quite a shock to Patty when she found the washed up comedian sitting at the bar unaccompanied. Its been three months since Stan died, three months since this so-called Losers Club (of which, Richie was apart of, that much she knew) reunited only to disband again, yet here he is still drowning in his own sorrows. It was even more shocking when he recognized her, or at least her name, and invited her over for a drink. In the past months, any of Stan’s old friends she got ahold of brushed her off or simply begged her to stay away from this topic all together, but here’s Richie, paying for her drink and indulging her.

“So, you’re the famous Patty, huh?” He questions, a half-hearted smirk resting on his lips.

“Famous? We both know that description fits you better, Mr. Tozier.”

The formality makes him scoff, “please, Mr. Tozier was my father, or some stupid shit like that- the point is, we’re all very interested in Stan-the-man’s wife. He’s the only loser that didn’t seem to have divorce written in the stars.”

Immediately, Patty wants to call bullshit on that claim. She’s talked to every other loser save for this one and they’ve wanted nothing to do with her other than warn her of a terrible danger. She opens her mouth to argue, but snaps it shut in favor of reasoning with herself. Regardless of how they’ve brushed her off in the past, she’s finally found someone who won’t, someone she can get the tiniest bit of information out of if she plays her cards right. She doesn’t say anything, just nods along and judges her next words.

“Gotta say, you’re no regular tourist,” she tells him, raising her glass to her lips, pretending to be uninterested.

Richie doesn’t say anything for a moment, pursing his lips before lamely replying, “I grew up here.” He takes a rather large gulp of his own drink before continuing, “and I could say the same about you, couldn’t I? I mean, hanging out in the Townhouse makes you quite suspicious.”

She shrugs, “Stan grew up here... and this place is cheap. Lets just say...” She pauses, feeling unwanted tears well up in her eyes and threaten to flow over. “Lets just say I’m mourning...”

Richie watches her with intense eyes, carefully considering her reaction and, at least it seems to Patty, debating on what to say. He eventually decides, “yeah, well, you’re not the only one...”

In his eyes, there’s pain. Terrible, terrible pain and sorrow, something that makes Patty shudder. There’s no doubt in her mind when the following words slip from her lips.

“It was the clown, wasn’t it?”

And from pain to terror his eyes go in an instant. He gapes, struggling to find the words and failing with every second that passes. Bingo, Patty thinks, and reaches into her purse, pulling out a rather large notebook that she then slides over to the comedian. Richie, still unable to convey a sentence, opens the first page with shaky hands that he can barely control, he even drops it at first. On the first page, in big, bold letters, is written PROPERTY OF MIKE HANLON.

“Did...” Richie chokes out, “did you steal this!?” Upon turning the pages, it becomes very apparent that the contents are all about the supernatural elements of Derry, specifically the clown.

“Richie,” Patty says in an almost exasperated voice, “one minute, I’m planning a wonderful vacation with my wonderful, loving husband. The next, he’s taken his own life, only leaving incredibly vague letters addressed to friends I’ve never met. When I reach out to these friends, they shoo me off with warnings of a great danger I can’t possibly understand. Believe me when I say it’s true, this is a danger I don’t understand, but something tells me you guys don’t either.” She takes a pause, forcing her voice to stay still as it threatens to crack with emotion, “I will find out what happened to my husband, and I’d like to ask for your help.”

Richie doesn’t say something for quite some time, only looking over the pages with great horror but determination all the same. “Do you even have a plan? A means of finding answers?” He whispers, perhaps rhetorically but Patty doesn’t take it that way. She reaches over and flips to a bookmarked page where the grand photo of a turtle overtakes most of the page, vaguely gesturing to it with her hand as if to say read it yourself. Richie does, his breathing becoming increasingly unsteady. Eventually, he looks back up and meets her gaze with his own watery eyes. Eyes that are so damn hopeful but terrified to be so at the same time. “You... You haven’t seen what I’ve seen. You can’t possibly know what you’re going up against.”

“If you’re describing hell,” she cooly replies, “then I’ve already seen it. Nothing can be more horrific than seeing the love of my life bleeding out in our bathtub.”

Richie purses his lips, eyebrows meet in the middle with frustration before he blurts out, “I’ll help you, but you have to help me too.”

Patty nods, expectant of giving something in exchange. “What do you want?”

“To find my own love. I need answers just like you.”

She nods again, “who was she?”

“... his name is Eddie.”

They share intense eye contact for a moment, something that speaks more than anything they’ve said in the past hour. Patty holds her hand out, indicating a handshake, which Richie takes but pulls her into a rather breathtaking hug.

“Please, bring my Eds back to me,” he shakily whispers, voice thick with sadness, but a hint of hope slips with it.

“Only if you bring back my Stanley,” she replies, wrapping her arms around him to return the hug.

They’ll get along just fine.

[danteinthedevildom]

@levis-little-nuggie said:

The current Thing I'm trying to find throughout the lessons is the brothers each talking to MC about Lilith, and if any of them, asides from Belphie, tell MC that they know MC isn't Lilith, that they don't love MC bc they're a descendent of Lilith. Belphie was very clear about that, and it was amazing and so sweet, but I'm on Lesson 33 and I don't recall any of the other brothers make that same statement.

I know you put this on another reblog but I ended up writin a fair bit so I’m givin it its own post bc this is. Interestin (TM)

Now while I am gonna say “don’t quote me on this”, from my own recollection, the other bros don’t mention not seeing MC as Lilith? Or if they do it’s hella not as memorable as Belphie’s. 

A good story reason for this if the other bros don’t have a similar convo with MC is that Lilith was Belphie’s bugbear. It was bc of her that he hated humans; it was bc of her that he accepted MC initially. All of Belphie’s feelings towards MC stem from their heritage. Without her, he likely never would have cared for MC at all. 

Bc the fact of the matter is, Belphie didn’t have any actual attachment to MC prior to finding out they’re a descendent of Lilith. There wasn’t any time to. He was too wrapped up in his own hurt and hate, in his own revenge plot, to see MC as anything other than a human he could use to his advantage. 

Unlike the other brothers, he only cared about MC bc of Lilith. Everyone else had time to know and care for MC as a person outside of the revelation of their lineage. Finding out their connection to Lilith was likely an added bonus, but most of MC’s relationships with the bros are formed by that point. Their feelings for MC were already strong and decided. But for Belphie, MC was still just a random human he’d been plotting to use and kill to make a statement against the Exchange Programme. 

What matters most, then, is seeing Belphie say it. It’s the affirmation that we’re not just Lilith - or some faint connection to her - in his eyes. It’s getting the closure that while Lilith may have been the reason he came to like them at first, he’s come to care for them as their own person. 

In other words, it’s the active acknowledgement that a fundamental change has occurred in their relationship with him. He now sees what the brothers have been seeing since MC came to the Devildom. 

It’s also why closure with Lilith is given primarily to Belphie over the other bros: the scene where he finally says goodbye to her memory, and the pain and hatred that had stemmed from his over-zealous attachment to it. 

Because while the other bros miss and love her, only Belphie was so horrifically affected by her death as to want to annihilate what he saw as the culprit (humanity). Her memory (and his trauma surrounding it) was still an incredible part of his daily life. 

It was important for us to see these two scenes so that Belphie’s character arc - and the story arc for Act 1 of Obey Me - could come to a close.

It’s less important for us to see the other bros reassert that they don’t view MC as Lilith 2.0, therefore. Story-wise, it was Belphie’s relationship with Lilith that defined/dominated Act 1, so focus was always going to be aimed towards him; and while they each have their own struggles with her death, they all viewed MC as significant to them prior to the Lilith Heritage Debacle in a way that differentiated them from Belphie and MC’s precarious and questionable relationship. Pretty much, we were meant to feel more sure of their relationship with MC because of the time we spent with them over the course of Act 1. 

Ofc I could be wrong, bc my memory ain’t always great, and if the other bros do say this then the above is a good way to explain why Belphie’s conversation is so much more memorable. But I’d almost argue that having that convo with anyone but Belphie would be bad storytelling. 

Bc, in a way, what would be the point of having Levi, for instance, say that he doesn’t see MC as Lilith? He spent the better part of a year seeing MC as his Henry. Of course he doesn’t see MC as Lilith; that relationship existed well before he learnt MC’s heritage, and was cemented enough that he was upset at seeing MC dying just because MC was dying. Bc he cared for MC and that was a kind of fucked up thing to see happen to someone you care about. 

If he suddenly turned around and said that he doesn’t see MC as Lilith, it’d feel... a little jarring. 

Because he’d basically be saying, “I know we had built up an entire relationship based on who you are as a person, but the fact that you’re related to my dead sister absolutely, plausibly might have been more important to me than the friendship we have and the person you are that I’ve come to care for”. 

Especially considering the revelation doesn’t change their relationship in such a staggeringly drastic way like it does between MC and Belphie. In a paradoxical way, it’d actually be kind of hurtful, not reassuring, bc we don’t need that closure from them the same way we do from Belphie. 

I absolutely got ramblin on that, fuck. But yeah. That’s what I can remember and also my thoughts on it from a purely story-based standpoint. I think rather than “I don’t see you as Lilith” convos from the other bros, what’d be better is more “I’m still messed up abt Lilith’s death bc I haven’t been able to speak abt it for millenia; now that we’ve got the ban lifted and I feel safe with you, I want to tell you abt how I feel” convos. Just... things to develop them and give them the closure they maybe didn’t get around the end of Act 1, without accidentally jeopardisin MC’s relationship with them. 

[in-tua-deep]

I sent an ask like this before but I think tumblr ate it so I guess I’m sending it again. I love your tog/tua crossover! It was the post that made me watch the old guard and I’m v happy abt that. I was thinking about Booker ‘I have trauma about my kids growing old and dying’ Le Livre and I can’t help but think he’d go full dad mode on Five at all times. Five gets the father he deserves and Booker gets an undying child. Everyone wins.

oof yeah it would be... complicated to say the LEAST

I’m not sure Booker would be ready in any sense of the word to be a father again, and having an immortal child would be,, really painful honestly, especially when he had to watch his children grow old and die and now there’s this child who gets to live and it’s not fair

and Booker is... a normal father, for lack of a better word. He loved his children. He told them stories and swung them into his arms and pressed kisses against their rosy little cheeks, he held them when they cried and joined in with the laughter, and he loved them

and so he looks at this - this child, because Five is thirteen and he doesn’t deserve this

but Five is not familiar with the idea of a normal father. His father was cruel, was very forthright in the fact that he did not care about the children as human beings. It’s laughable to think that Reginald Hargreeves would ever tell them stories, would ever hold them or kiss their cheeks or laugh with them. Reginald Hargreeves avoided even touching them. A father to Five is monumentally different than what a father is to Booker

they bright side is that if Booker ever acts fatherly, Five doesn’t clock it as fatherly. He might accuse Booker of mothering him? But honestly Booker probably is like “we can’t let Five do X dangerous thing, he’s baby” which,, Grace helped the kids get ready for their missions, she never tried to protect them from their ‘work’

and some of the things are so far outside of Five’s frame of reference that he just assumes they’re an Old Guard thing or something, like when Five gets a smear of dirt on his cheek and Booker automatically grabs a handkerchief to scrub it off

(I can claim this because Five has such non reactions to the same thing in the s2 gifs I have seen that I can only say he’s just like ??? the whole time and just chooses not to address it, especially bc it happens both with a family member AND an enemy and he doesn’t react either time)

To be fair, they all baby Five to an extent, but it looks different for each of them

Andy doesn’t know what to do with a child? She hasn’t really,, been around children for extended periods of time honestly, she’s used to saving kids and is honestly pretty good at awkwardly talking Five through panic attacks. But she’s kind of tough love, and would probably cheer Five up by giving him weapons and letting him blow stuff up tbh

Nicky and Joe are kind of like fun uncles? they tease Five a lot, and he can’t even argue with them because they’re both like 900 years older than him but also they are very emotional and touchy and they like to ruffle his hair and lean on him and give him hugs that pick him up and swing him around. It’s weird and he isn’t sure if he likes it, but it’s kind of nice to be included?? They never had kids so they’re kind of indulgent with him tbh, kids like taking down horrific time based organizations as a pass time right?

Booker is awkward because he is a father and so he does things like ruffle Five’s hair on autopilot or pile more food on Five’s plate or anything, and he freezes because - it’s something he did with his own kids, and,,,,, he might get more than a little emotional about it. which weirds Five out. Booker is definitely one of the more protective of them though and dislikes putting Five in the line of fire

Nile has Big Sister energy, despite being younger than literally anyone else in this au technically considering that the umbrella academy are 3 years older than her. She has what is vastly lacking: emotional maturity. She sort of adopts Five as a kid brother, which makes her nostalgic for her own brother but also Five is so different it’s not a big issue, but Nile used to babysit for money as well and knows how to handle difficult kids and just applies that to Five

(and it actually works more often than not, five is not immune to Nile’s impeccable logic - mainly because Nile doesn’t order Five she lays out her reasoning in a way that he can’t even argue with)

booker has issues, he has a LOT of issues especially regarding kids and stepping into a fatherly role that I’m not sure he would comfortable with for a long time... but he has a lot of time to wrestle with those issues and eventually step into a more parental role since they have... literally hundreds of years together in the future lmao

five has to learn to actually be a child and not just a child soldier, which isn’t exactly easy considering he’s now going to part of the immortal ‘army’ 

honestly i think a good healing part of this au is just... the og squad learning that surviving isn’t the same as living, and even though they still have to be careful about their footprints even with Copley erasing them... I think they have a lot to learn about living

and having normal human ‘sponsors’ to help out... well I mean - the Hargreeves are super wealthy now that their dad kicked the bucket and are probably very willing to go on camping trips or go to Disney World or drag the squad paintballing. When was the last time the og squad just had fun? no worrying about missions and saving people or saving each other, just pure silly nonsense fun

and the Hargreeves are learning to have fun for the first time as well, even if it means Klaus aggressively putting Mickey Mouse ears on everyone and Diego cheating at paintball and Nile teaming up with Allison to get everyone to go to various plays and musicals

the Hargreeves aren’t immortal but they also aren’t helpless either, and I could see them tagging along on any cool missions for a while. Especially Diego, tbh, with his discount batman schtick he has going on

(honestly if anyone would remind Booker of his kids, it would... probably be Klaus? His children were adults when they died, and he saw them dying, and Klaus is skinny as a rail and sickly looking and probably has health issues thanks to the extended drug use and withdrawal going on

so consider: Booker telling Klaus to sit down and let him cook, get some soup in that boy he’s way too skinny, booker is FRENCH he WILL cook for this beanpole. His mama’s stew could knock the plague right out of a person, probably. 

Booker: that is far too heavy for you let me take it

Klaus: oh! no dude it’s fine - 

Booker: sit down !! you look like a strong breeze could knock you over. I will bring you some soup.

Klaus: I’m fine !! Don’t worry about me - 

Diego: don’t listen to him!! he absolutely needs minding 24/7 or he WILL find a way to get hurt

Booker: !! are you hurting right now? Sit down! Honestly -devolves into muttered french curses as he bustles off to the kitchen-)

but yes there you go the og squad and umbella academy combine into the ULTIMATE FAMILY due to shared custody of Five for the duration of the academy’s lives

[bestworstcase]

#I'm so happy to see someone articulate #why Raps pulling rank in RatGT was so damaging and hurtful #b/c I often see that scene framed as a#''she's coming into her authority and role as queen!''#but it never sat right w/ me and I couldn't pin why

so these are some of @pnumbra-rbs​’s tags on this post and while it’s a bit tangential to the point of that post i do have sOmE tHoUgHtS about that framing of the scene in the great tree, bc i also see that take floating around now and then and it always makes me go hrm.

broadly speaking, rapunzel’s character arc in rta does indeed involve coming into her authority. she enters the story as a socially-stunted, naive person struggling to grasp basic social norms like “don’t touch people without permission,” and she exits it as a competent, compassionate ruler who is comfortable and content in her role as the leader of her country.

but narrowing our focus down to just the argument in the great tree, it just... is not correct to say that this is the moment when rapunzel steps into her power or begins to come into her own as a princess and future queen. it is Rapunzel Making A Big Mistake, and the narrative intends for it to be taken as such. 

let’s break this down. first, why is it a mistake? well.

is publicly yelling at a subordinate good leadership? is it a healthy, productive use of authority?

consider the argument in RATGT from this perspective for a moment. strip out all the emotional context surrounding the argument, and at the core of it what we have here is a disagreement over the safety of the group. adira’s position is that the group is exhausted and must rest, regardless of the fact that they are in enemy territory. cassandra’s position is that the great tree is too dangerous to make the benefits of stopping to rest worthwhile, and they must press on until they find a safer location.

both are somewhat valid perspectives. hector is likely to catch up to them regardless of what they do, and it’s better to fight well-rested on chosen ground than to be caught off guard when you’re tired. adira doesn’t spell it out, but her plan is basically to get some rest, then stand and fight at the top of the tree when, not if, hector catches up. meanwhile, cassandra’s plan is to get out of the tree as fast as they can and hope that hector doesn’t catch up with them until after they escape. who’s right? it depends on your estimation of the threats posed by hector and by the great tree itself.

(personally, i’m with cass on this one. a high ledge in enemy territory that has already proven to be very dangerous in its own right is not ground i would ever choose as a battlefield unless i had absolutely no other choice. and while everyone is tired after a long day, i like the benefit-to-risk ratio of taking a few minutes to stretch, drink some water, and eat some food before pressing on a lot better than the benefit-to-risk ratio of stopping here for the night and staking everything on a battle in this location.)

now... cass doesn’t handle herself well in this argument. at all. i think she, unlike the rest of the group, is picking up the subtext of adira’s proposal (that they will fight hector here), but rather than rationally express her concerns, she goes off on a paranoia-fueled rant accusing adira of wanting to get them all killed. she comes off as hysterical and unhinged because she’s speaking out of frustration, stress, and exhaustion. her behavior is absolutely inappropriate. 

for rapunzel, as the leader, what is the correct way to handle this situation? 

good leadership is not just about making choices. it’s not just about the judgment calls. it is about management. which means that as a leader, if a member of your team is having an emotional outburst like cass, you cannot respond in kind. it sucks and it’s kind of unfair, but them’s the breaks.

in this situation, an Ideal Good Leader would a) perceive that this paranoid outburst is coming from a place of real concern, and b) respond to it with the intention of pulling out the underlying meaning. eg: “i see that you’re upset, and i’m trying to understand. what’s going on? / where’s your head at? / where is this coming from?”

in canon, rapunzel’s actual response is “come on, cass, listen to yourself,” which is an invalidating (and somewhat condescending) statement that makes cass feel unheard, so cass gets more upset. the situation escalates. by comparison, Ideal Good Leader’s statement directly acknowledges cassandra’s distress and invites her to explain her reasoning. this would help to lower cassandra’s anxiety (by showing her that her concerns are being heard), which would enable her to better articulate her real point.

thus, the emotional side of the argument is defused, and a productive conversation becomes possible. perhaps a compromise (such as stopping for a few minutes to recharge and have a quick meal) could be reached, or else rapunzel can do her own cost-benefit analysis of adira’s proposal versus cass’s and make a reasoned decision about what they should do. cass feels heard, no one’s feelings get hurt, and rapunzel makes her choice based on what she thinks the safest course of action is, instead of angrily defaulting to the opposite of what cassandra thinks they should do.

and thus, there’s no need for an “i’m going to be queen, i’ll make choices you don’t like, and i need you to be okay with that” conversation—because, in this scenario where rapunzel makes good, healthy use of her authority, cassandra wouldn’t leave this conflict feeling hurt. she isn’t upset, in canon, because raps didn’t do exactly what she said to do; she’s upset because she got shot down pretty brutally and she feels like rapunzel doesn’t value her insight, advice, or judgment. if rapunzel had given her the space to calm down, feel heard, and feel like she was allowed to contribute to the conversation re: what to do, i think cass would’ve truly been okay with whatever rapunzel ultimately decided to do.

but of course, rapunzel isn’t an Ideal Good Leader, she’s rapunzel, and she’s still in a place where she doesn’t grasp the full reality of her own authority, and she’s thinking of cassandra as her friend, not as her subordinate. so she escalates the situation by mistake and we get... what we get, in canon. cass ends up demoralized, their friendship is permanently damaged, and the battle with hector goes predictably badly, with cassandra sustaining a horrific, debilitating injury in the process. (this, btw, is fundamentally why rapunzel is at fault for cassandra’s injury. it’s not about the spear vs incantation decision; it’s about this decision, this disagreement, the way she handles this fight.)

and second... how is this framed by the narrative?

well... our first clear signal that we are not meant to see this as anything but rapunzel making a big mistake is that the show explicitly draws a parallel between her behavior here to gothel’s behavior at the beginning of tangled. in tangled, gothel screams “Enough with the lights, Rapunzel!” with the intention of shutting rapunzel down and browbeating her into submission. in RATGT, rapunzel screams “Enough, Cassandra!” because she’s frustrated and upset and cass is acting irrational—but the emotional effect this has on cassandra is the same as the emotional effect gothel’s calculated outburst had on rapunzel in tangled. it’s an abuse of authority in both cases. 

and on top of that, look at how the group reacts—not to cassandra’s outburst, but to rapunzel’s: 

they’re all shocked, unhappy, and uncomfortable, because this is... a shocking, upsetting, uncomfortable thing to witness. (have you ever been on the sidelines while your boss or a teacher singled out a coworker/fellow student to yell at them? yeah.) and when cassandra looks to them for support, none of them say anything... because rapunzel is the princess and if this is how she wants to handle this conflict then, well, that’s her prerogative and they’re just going to cringe and grimace on cassandra’s behalf instead of sticking up for her. 

and of course, no punches are pulled in illustrating how deeply this harms cassandra herself. we see how upset she is in the moment, we see how subdued she becomes when rapunzel comes to talk to her, we see the smile she forces when rapunzel signals that she isn’t interested in hearing cassandra’s feelings, and of course, this is what triggers “waiting in the wings,” which is a song all about cassandra’s pain—how she feels overlooked, neglected, unvalued, and unheard.

logistically speaking, this argument is a lot more complex than “cassandra right, rapunzel and adira wrong.” and emotionally, rapunzel’s reasons for reacting the way she does are perfectly understandable; it’s her first time ever dealing with a situation like this, she’s still muddling through leadership with no idea what she’s doing, and hearing cassandra call her “obliviously naive” was probably legitimately triggering because, hey, what did gothel always call her!

(though i tend to think that the point cass intended to make before raps cut her off was “what do you mean you can’t do that? are you so naive that you can’t see that you’re in charge? of course you can do that!” vs what i think rapunzel and a lot of the fandom took it as, ie cass saying rapunzel is naive for trusting adira. i like interpreting it that way because it dovetails so neatly with everything else happening in this argument re: rapunzel’s authority.)

but... despite this, the narrative expects us to sympathize with cass here. not because she’s right (her underlying concern is legitimate, but her argument as she presents it is... not right), not because her behavior is appropriate (it’s not), but rather because rapunzel’s leadership in this situation is terrible, exacerbates the conflict, and harms cassandra emotionally. 

and as for rapunzel’s growth into her role as leader, this... is kind of another queen for a day moment. in QFAD, rapunzel experiences a difficult choice for the first time: she is forced to weigh the plea of one person she has a personal relationship with against hundreds or thousands of people who are looking to her for leadership in a time of crisis. and in QFAD, she makes the hard, but right, choice by prioritizing the needs of the many. 

and in RATGT, rapunzel is introduced to another common type of crisis that leaders must be able to handle: an emotionally-fraught interpersonal conflict between two of her advisors which she, as the leader, must mediate. and unlike in QFAD, this time, rapunzel bungles it—and sees the consequences play out in vivid detail. RATGT is a vital learning experience for rapunzel. she couldn’t grow into the kind of leader she becomes over the course of s3 without making the mistake she makes in RATGT. and that’s why it just doesn’t make sense to say that this incident is rapunzel “coming into her authority”—because she’s not, she’s making a mess of things and then dealing with the messy, confusing, hurtful fallout of having done so.

[asterekmess]

S3A - E1

Okay, instead of making like massive reblogs of thoughts as I have them for the episodes, I’m gonna just make a massive bullet point list that I’ll add to throughout the episode, so you get One post per episode instead of “Like all nine million of them.”

I put Read-More’s because I care.

Thoughts (of which I have far too many):

I’m in the first ten seconds of the fuckin episode. Why the fuck is Braeden electrocuting Isaac? Like, look, I wanna like Braeden. I have issues with her entire moral system, but I still wanna like her cus’ she saves Isaac. But...how am I supposed to do that when the literal first thing she does is electrocute my boy??? He’s knocked out, not DEAD (not that that’s how shocking someone’s heart even Works) and it’s not like she needs to trigger the healing process. He’s already got Gaping slash wounds on his chest. He’s hurt enough. ALSO. “Be quiet”?? R U Serious? You’re electrocuting him. YOU try being quiet with fucking jumper cables on your chest.

The CGI...is so bad. Oh my god. What the absolute fuck. it looks like Sharkboy & Lavagirl. And why aren’t Ethan & Aiden’s claws doing anything to the bike?

I AM CONFUSION. If the twins don’t have to take their pants off to do the Transformers shit, why do they have to take off their shirts? Can...can I just skip that? Make the big bad werewolf wear an ugly hybrid of two of their stupid ass sweaters? Or do Ethan and Aiden really just like being shirtless that much? (I wouldn’t put it past them)

What is with Braeden and the electricity?

The writing in this show, what the fuck? “I thought I told you to hold on” EXCUSE ME, ma’am. He literally just passed out. His bad I guess.

Guess who has to add the anti-scott tag to this now? Anyway, I hate that Allison’s bit in the intro is her kissing Scott and then drawing the bow. Like, they’re broken up. They don’t get together in this season. Why are they kissing in the intro? That had to have Totally pissed off Scallison fans.

There’s my boy, holding up lizard tattoo designs. Pls tell me he took a pic and sent it to Jackson with the caption “It’s YOU.” Like, yes, way too soon, but man it’s fuckin funny.

This tattoo artist is a good-ass salesman. However, p-sure he’s not a good-ass artist if he had to wrap Scott’s arm up That badly. Like...they have stuff for that. Fuck, the one I got on my ankle, they used SaranWrap and Tape. Just needs to be kept out of the open air for a bit. You don’t need like eight layers of gauze. I do feel for Scott tho. That tat probably cost him like $50-75 before the tip. Oof.

Eyyy, time to be salty. Ya’ll know I love Allison, but does it get any more clear that she totally bailed on everyone after the warehouse? She went to France! She doesn’t even know what happened to Jackson after he got cured. ALSO. Lydia says “Derek taught him the werewolf 101.” Not Scott. Derek. XP

Lydia, honey, leave Allison alone. If she doesn’t want to go on the double date, go alone and make it an orgy. Fun, right? Wait, no. Don’t. You’re 16. Don’t do that!

When exactly did they “agree to give each other the summer”? She said “I’m breaking up with you.” he said “I’ll wait” and then she cried into her dad’s arms. Like...why didn’t we get to see this apparently incredibly important conversation? (maybe because it didn’t happen??)

I fucking LOVE the “I’m just gonna say hi. HEYYYYY! You know....they probably didn’t see us.”

The most horrific thing about that moment was the bad CGI.

I WANNA POINT OUT how cute it is (in a like, sad way cus’ she’s terrified) that Lydia is close enough to Stiles now that she immediately goes for his side and they like insta connect with the eye contact. Not in like a Stydia way, but like, they’re close. she trusts him and goes to him when she’s scared, even though he’s human and you’d wonder if she shouldn’t go to Scott instead, since he’s the werewolf.

SCOTT WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING THE DEAD DEER. Your ability to smell chemosignals/sense emotions has nothing to do with touching. Stop poking the dead animal.

Wait, WHY is there a full moon in that shot? The full moon isn’t for like a week! I COUNTED.

...what? Why the fuck does Braeden think Scott’s an Alpha? Why tho? Like, seriously? WHY? He’s not an Alpha yet. Nowhere near it. And if she knows bc Deaton told her (i think he was the one who hired her) then shouldn’t she know he isn’t one yet? IF SHE KNOWS that she can tell Melissa abt werewolves, WHY doesn’t she know that Scott’s Melissa’s son? Where is the LOGIC?

Scott’s morning routine is giving me Legally Blonde vibes. ~my perrrfectt dayyy, nothing standing in my wayyy~

I can’t tell. did Allison get highlights, or straight up dye her hair brown?

This sweet moment between her and her dad. Yes. Pls.

I will admit, I like getting to see each of their mornings.

Lydia...who are you fucking? Honey, you’re sixteen. Why isn’t whoever the fuck is in bed with you also getting ready for school? What.....the fuck?

Completely different Beacon Hills High School set. I really can’t blame the writers for that.

Wtf Davis? You list Erica and Boyd as being 17...since when? They’re supposed to be entering their Junior Year of high school. They would be 16 GOING ON 17. ANd what the hell do you mean Erica’s birthday is August 16th? She said in the last season that she’d “Just turned 16 a month ago” that was Spring semester. ???? Come on, guys. Seriously. Writing 101, getting to know your characters. I don’t know anyone writing a novel who doesn’t know the exact birthday of their characters. Plus, they cut 2 in. from Gage Golightly’s actual height, while adding an inch to Sinqua’s (according to google, which isn’t always reliable) Whatever. Boooooo.

Uh...that principal was threatened by the Argents. Victoria herself promised to torture him if he didn’t resign. Why does he look so surprised by the fucking sword in his office? For that matter, why is he at the school at all? He KNOWS the Argents attacked him. This should cause problems!

Honestly, Lydia, I love you. Like, go for it. Nothing wrong with not wanting to date and just wanting to have fun. My issues stem from YOU BEING 16. Yes, teenagers have sex. But this is ridiculous. Why is there so much sexualization? I knew a grand total of like....two teenagers who had sex at 16? and like one who did at 15 (which they say in canon she and Jackson were banging before her birthday). Like, it’s not nearly as common as y’all are making it out to be. Knock it off.

WHEN DID MELISSA MEET ISAAC PROPERLY? WHEN did that HAPPEN?

....so why didn’t Derek answer the phone? They literally never explain? He shows up, so...why didn’t he answer?

I’m SO InCredibly Disturbed by Jennifer having everyone’s phone numbers. HOW? In What Way is that REMOTELY appropriate? WHY did no one question it? Why didn’t STILES or LYDIA question it?

So tiny, bugs me so much. He didn’t turn his phone off. He turned his screen off...is it that hard to have him do the right one?

uhhh. Werewolves can smell other werewolves. Wanna tell me why Isaac can’t tell a werewolf just walked in the room? An ALPHA no less?

why TF are Kali’s iris’ and pupils so fucking massive?

So...what was the deal with the birds? Don’t they say later that Jennifer like summoned them? So they aren’t from the Alpha pack scaring animals? And also, how would the Alpha pack be scaring animals if they’re like, in the middle of town? They said in S1 that “wild animal sightings are up” like what 75% or something? “As though something is scaring them out” but that made sense, bc we knew Peter was running around in his full-shift (it’s a fucking full shift, it’s just fucked up) in the woods. But these Alphas aren’t, they’re integrating. So is it Jennifer that the animals are afraid of? Like, does she have sPoOkY aura or something?

More bad CGI.

WHy is no one responding to the woman stumbling around in nothing but a hospital gown?

ONCE AGAIN. Werewolves can Sense Werewolves. SCOTT you sensed Isaac in a BOYS LOCKER ROOM. DUKE IS RIGHT THERE. WHT THE FUCK?

angry smoker doctor  “Why don’t you wheel this joker out of here?” “I’m gonna go smoke” Grrr

Sir. clearly your mask wasn’t tied on appropriately. it shouldn’t just Fall Off when you touch it. there are Protocols! STOP THE SPREAD. also, someone wanna tell me why none of these alphas can keep their claws in? A lil flashy flashy red eye would’ve done the trick just fine.

Okay no, seriously what the FUCK is up with these contacts, you guys? THEY”RE MASSIVE???

Ugh, can I just *swoons* “I’m an Alpha!” slice “So am I.” That is just so fucking smooth. Woo. I feel so safe ohmygod. PLUS. Derek KNOWS Ennis. I can’t imagine how satisfying that had to be.

Uh, Derek, honey. You’re Isaac’s legal guardian. You can just Sign Him Out of the hospital. With clothes and everything. What are you doing?

Honey, what do you mean the county took it over? If they were gonna do that they’d have done it six fucking years ago. Unless you gave it to them, it’s still yours? I did the research. Like HOURS of it.

What do you MEAN there’s a magic healing herb that helps with Alpha wounds? Since when do Alpha wounds need extra healing, I thought they just took a lil longer? ALSO why is it growing INSIDE your house???? SCOTT. Isaac is fucking UNCONSCIOUS. Can your tattoo fucking WAIT A MINUTE?

I have so many questions. WHY does Braeden know who Allison is? If Lydia’s immune to magic, WHY is Braeden able to bruise her? WHY can Braeden DO magic? and WHY is Chris allowed to take Lydia out of school?

ALLISON you had Geometry LAST YEAR why are you holding a GEOMETRY BOOK??

ohhhhmygod, Derek. Derek. DEREK. Your eyes are pretty on a normal day. That little Blink and ruby reds thing? Ohmygod. I just. I wanna take a picture and just stare at it BUT. how tf does this whole red eye thing work? You can see in the dark....but now you also have x-ray vision? You know, I could believe it was thermal vision...maybe? If Scott was still healing for some reason maybe the tattoo would be brighter? Otherwise I have no idea what is going on.

BUT SCOTT”S NOT 18??? He’s Still fucking 16, or even 17, but not 18. WTF? He needs parental consent in the first place (i should’ve mentioned this in the other note abt the tattoo)

uhh...seriously? When someone breaks up with you and tells you not to talk to them anymore...why do you need a reward for doing as they asked? Like, yeah, you’re sad, I feel that. But making it a ‘reward’ sounds kinda weird. You know what makes it really easy not to text the ex that doesn’t wanna talk to you? Delete her number.

WHY THE BLOWTORCH? SOMEONE WANNA EXPLAIN? Peter’s not covered in tattoo from when he was literally burned alive, why the FUCK would a blowtorch create a black tattoo on Scott’s skin?

DEREK. HONEY. Why would Stiles be able to hold Scott still??? Scott’s a werewolf.

All this bullshit to explain away Posey’s tattoo that he got. Like, damn dude, we all like tattoos, but you have a job that needs bare arms on the regular. That was kinda rude.

Where did braeden get clothes? I forgot to ask.

uhhhh. Ephemeral might technically work in that sentence, but that’s still really awkward.

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DESTROY HIS DOOR? YOU FUCKING ASSHAT. And WHY the instant fucking grr face? “why’d you paint the door?” uhh, leave him alone? He can do what he wants? It’s his house? Also, don’t get all fucking rude about the alpha pack. He told you it was a rival pack.

KALI. PUT SOME FUCKING SHOES ON. JESUS.

Why exactly does Scott see the symbol and INSTANTLY put together that it’s got anything to do with the Alphas or the animal attacks? Where is the logic jump there?

What exactly was the POINT of popping your claws if you were gonna kick her in the face???

UH, Melissa? Why didn’t you tell Scott that there was a whole other person with Isaac?

What is with the face touching, Duke? I’ve never known a blind person who actually wanted to rub their hands on my face to ‘find out what i look like?’

Really not a fan of all these weird jumps and camera angles with the awkward reflecting.

WOah WOah. Allison gets to PAINT her APARTMENT? Wtf kinda BULlshit is that? My landlord won’t let me do that. Rude.

I know they’re imprisoned and it sucks, but they’ve been there for four months, they had to have gotten bored. Do you think they broke into any of the security deposit boxes to see if anything was left behind?

Last thoughts: They really went for it with this episode. I have plans to change a lot of it. Hopefully I can mesh the changes with the general plotline.

[incubae-fics]

Seduce Me AU! Diana And Malix

My previous HC post only mentioned the boys and how they are etc. This one will go into how Malix and Diana come to play as well as their intentions and reasonings. Their intent towards the player will differ depending upon who they are falling in love with, at least mostly in Malix’s case. Diana will have the same intent, which is to get the boys back, but she goes about it differently. I gave her a bit of a bigger role for more impact, that way her switch up in SM2 has a bit more meaning. I like her in canon but only in SM2. Her absolute power in the first game irked me, but however I do understand she’s a demon and therefore not so easy to touch, yknow?

I’d also like to add that I’d somewhat change how the Mansion is obtained by the player and the boys. The sad death is the same, however the boys are hit harder by it. As the Grandfather was the only one to treat them with genuine care and got to know them in their short chats as well as with traveling with them. I’d want to have it where the player never got to know him well due to distance or his own busy schedule, but that love was there. It saddens the player but not as painfully as the boys. The house is left to the player in the will, as the Grandfather had some sense it’d help them all someday. 

Something in him wanted them all to meet, and he even told them of you and that if you ever lived here that he hoped they’d protect you, but he just never got to see it himself. Having it set this way makes more sense for the boys.. Irritation towards the player. It’s a shitty reason of course, but it is a reason. One that could be rational to grieving people. Like.. why are you here?? You didn’t know him like they did?? You only knew him through short talks, how dare you move in here.. (there would be an option to not do so, but then nothing would come of it. There would be an option to try to sell, but since James comes into the company bc the Grandfather left it for him and not his greedy son, he’ll lawyer up somehow to fight it. He wants the home to stay as is.)

Anyways, leggooo..

Malix;;

Malix isn’t after the boys for any type of turf reasons. He’s after them solely for rep. Word spread around that the Demon Lords ‘precious’ sons have left the Demon World. One of them being the son that carried most of his brute genes. Said son is Sam, the meanest brute the Demon World has ever known. More than anything, he wants his head, wants the reputation of being the devil that slayed the Demon Lords brutal son. Of course, others want such a rep, some want revenge, but none are quite crazy enough to do so. That said, unless Sam is players love interest, they are mostly safe from him. Mostly.

If you develop some sort of budding relationship with Sam (bc by the time he finds them, that's where the relationships would be at, just budding), you become easy bait.

At the time, the guys have their guards down. Simply bc instead of crashing into the home, it was given to them, along with the player.

The player is the sole head of house, and so as long as they didn’t try to sell the mansion, they are generally in good standing with them all.

Malix will make his presence known by busting into the home, like in canon but not after a forced party. (I’m not putting in any type of father issues in here for the player bc everyone has different father/mother relationships etc. Keeping it open.)

He just shows up and attempts something, but they laugh it off and wipe the floor with him. They think of him as no threat.

Despite having been abused and being separated, they still knew how to defend themselves. Living in a world like that makes it a requirement should you choose to want to live.

Damien was taught by Sam, simply bc he’d started getting locked up more often and had to teach him so he’d survive until he was freed or escaped.

So Malix is written off as nothing, which royally pisses him off.

If the player helps or says something to add fuel to it, they become a target, an even bigger one if he notices Sam protecting them.

If player is protected by another, or just all, then they’re just a target. He’ll try to jump them somewhere only to be interrupted due to someone else being nearby. Then their guards go up.

After that, the boys take precautions and go out of their way to get rid of him.

If the player has something with Sam, they are kidnapped. They got knocked the hell out and taken away.

His mistake is not tying them up, player gets the choice to bust his face in some since his powers don’t work on them if they have enough energy.

However they grow tired and must call for Sam.

Once summoned, he pauses, then looks to player and says “Look away and cover your ears.”

Sam then goes absolutely apeshit, the rage in the air is suffocating. He brutally beats Malix out of anger.

Both at himself and Malix.

Himself for letting you be harmed and not paying more attention to Malix when he could.

Malix because he had the audacity to touch you.

Rip Malix but not really, we mostly hate you dude. See you in SM2 only to die again.

Sam, once finished, is a little angry at you. 

Why didn’t you call sooner? Why would you attempt to fight him?? You almost DIED! Do you know what he’d do if he lost you?!

Sam ends up holding you for the first time and for a long time. Just a big squeezing hug with murmured apologies for getting devil blood on your shirt.

He ends up hovering for a bit.

As for the others? They do too.

However if you’re not kidnapped, they just keep an eye on you and let you know once he’s no longer a threat.

They won’t tell you, but they have killed him

A lowly devil would never be a true threat to them or anyone they cared for.

Sorry not sorry Malix.

Diana;;

Diana’s story remains mostly the same. There is option to romance her, but I never did it and so I’m not throwing it into my au bc I never took her route. I also never let her have the boys lmao fuck you bruh. The changes are that she was in a neighboring kingdom. She visited often bc she was promised to James to unite their kingdoms. Also for protection. Her kingdom at the time could not fight the DL and so, a deal had to be made. Diana had no qualms simply bc she was sure it was expected of her and truth be told, she liked something in James. Maybe it was the everstaying look of calm on his face, despite the horrific abuse, maybe it was the well of emotions in his golden eyes. She was young and she’s not sure why. They only ever had short convos. Always her leading them with happy ideas for their marriage in the future. 

A marriage not wanted on James end but he never said so. He was already dealing with much bigger monsters at the time the deal was spoken of. She was a secret witness to their abuse, and although it.. Hurt her in a way, she was sure the marriage would save them all. James would be king and could change everything. She wasn’t fully aware that James was just a puppet for the Demon Lord and that the others were fated to early deaths at his hand. The marriage was mere months away- and then suddenly her world was falling apart. The boys were gone, her family was being threatened by the DL’s irrationally blinding rage. She had to get them back or lose her family.

This makes her very desperate. She tracks them, forces her way into the human world, killing a human in the process. She’s never even killed a demon, which under certain circumstances in their world is allowed. A human? The Angels would have her head if she was found out so she hides for some time.

When she does come back, she goes for James first. She needs answers. She needs reasons.(However this occurs months after Malix. Putting them too close together would make it harder for her to slip in. They’d be on their guard.)

She gets nothing. She gets cold indifference. Her family is at stake! Her life! Doesn’t he care?

“No. You didn’t care about us.You wanted a crown and a throne and nothing more. I am not yours to have.”

It’s true. She knows it’s true, she’s been selfish- but something inside her tells her she doesn’t care. Some other force compels her to rage about it, to get nasty about it.

So she does, she leaves to dig up dirt or to try to seduce one of the others into following her.

She digs up dirt if she notices the player around James. Some irrational jealousy stirs up. She hates it. 

What is she jealous of? She has someone back home who would do anything for her, why bother?

She doesn’t know but it fuels her to dig into James. To get a reaction- to break his hopes and dreams of this world. To break him.

“Demons don’t love. You won’t be loved, Rae-”

“Do NOT call me that. You have not right to be so familiar- you’re not my family and I hardly ever spoke to you.”

“You will never belong here- you will never be forgiven for that hurt you’ve caused. Rae-”

And that's when James grabs her by her neck, “I will never go with you, you absolute lowlife. You beg and plead and expect me to answer. Where were you when we were begging and pleading, huh?! WHERE WERE YOU?! Playing pretend in your own dreamland! Get out of my home NOW!”

And that’s the last he sees of her. However her words still hit hard. James backs away from the player for sometime. 

It only puts a dent in the relationship if the player does not respect his subtle but easily understood hints for space.

Diana is only really meant to the player if they show an interest in James. She’ll guilt trip harder and threatens death until she is found out by James himself or someone else.

James/ the others get rid of her. However it’s hard due to her escaping and gaining more energy to return. She’s around for a few weeks at the least.

Now if the player is interested in someone else, she just guilt trips them and pleads for help. Think of her family and her life.

She preys on how little the player knows of the boys suffering. She’s aware how wrong that is.

However at this point, player knows enough to not feel bad. They can choose to help her, but it permanently damages any budding relationship with any of them.

Why?

Because you’re basically saying you do not want any of them. You’d rather they go with her and be put back into that dark place, all because of misplaced guilt for a succubus you barely know.

Damien is the most hurt because he becomes friends with the player first. This hurt is worse if he has feelings for the player.

Now of course, feeling bad for her situation is normal. However Diana chooses the wrong solution.

She’d get better results if she asked them to help her kill the DL and take over. She has no army to do so though and something compels her to not think of it anyway.

If her guilt trip fails, she gets angry and then pursues the other boys a second time. Digging her venomous words where she can, putting a halt in any budding relationships for a short time.

She messes with their heads and they do retaliate. Only James, Sam, and Erik get physical though, because she hits their deepest insecurities right on the head.

Matthew and Damien simply fight with their own words, gaining her rage and angry leave.

She does leave eventually, and does take the players energy, just not through a kiss. Her kiss made me uncomfortable (and not bc shes not a cute guy)

With Sam, player was able to hit his stupid ass

Erik was demonstrating in canon, but in AU he doesn’t bc nah bro (and ngl I’d have fucking decked him too)

Diana aims to take all their energy. Not enough to help. Not to demonstrate.She just takes all to escape. So in AU I’d rather she takes it through some other power.

Manages to steal into some object for later use, and the boys find them passed out on the floor later on.

Diana isn’t seen until much later, vastly different vibes coming off of her.

She is as she should have been. The power compelling her has somehow lost its hold..

So that’s Malix and Diana. You’re litty if you read this far. I have more HC’s on the boys and their demon forms etc, but for now I wanted this done. I don’t have anything on Naomi or Suzu or anything. They are nice in canon and I have nothing against them, I just don’t see what to do with them in AU.They could just be people the player met and became friends with or smth. Not sure, but yeah. I might fic some stuff later so be on the look out <3

[ladyalice101]

jonsa fic recs

alright, i’ve had a couple requests for recs, so here is my list. these are all fairly recent fics, all written this year i think. all of them are from my bookmarks on ao3, but i picked the recent ones which are my god-tier recs, my oh-my-god-i-love-this-so-much-i-think-i’m-going-to-die, the ones i reread. they have very little in common, but if you don’t find anything on here that tickles your fancy, then feel free to check out my bookmarks. i have just over 100 on there, and every single one on there are fics that i think are absolutely phenomenal.

for @abi117 @why-cant-i-be-careless and @orangeflavoryawp

canon divergent

Victory by moutainsbeyondmountains. one-shot, 5489k.

“You won already, Your Grace,” Tyrion said mournfully. “Enjoy your victory. There are no lands left to conquer. And there are no more dragons.”

if you read no other fic on this list, read this one. seriously. it’s d.ny pov, and glorious. genuinely, i couldn’t give this high enough praise. i reread this A LOT. like, a lot a lot. i could probably quote this fic.

I Want Something so Impure by @asilentfrenzy. one-shot, 10166k.

“You have caused this, you and your queen. You allowed her to speak to me that way, allowed her to order my obedience in my own home as if I’m to be her new dog to train. I am the Lady of Winterfell, and your inbred aunt has no right to-”

“Aye, you are the Lady of Winterfell,” he growled, his eyes flashing with an added flame of fury at the mention of the woman’s newly found relations to him. “The same Lady of Winterfell who not too long ago advised me to be smart, yet it seems that you can’t follow your own advice.”

“Be smart,” she repeated, filling her face with a look of mocking humor. “By kneeling? By allowing her to seize my title and command my people? Perhaps I should offer her these chambers as well. Better, I’ll just offer them to you again, seeing as I’m sure you’ll be sharing a bed. Shall I fuck her as well? As I want to be just as smart as you, Jon.”

so if you couldn’t tell from the summary, this one is sassy af. it features darkish/dominant!jon, which is my jam, and is pretty much just 10k of smut, which is also my jam.

it’s a small crime, and i’ve got no excuse by mxash. 5/5, 8214k.

“did you see her?” sansa snarled, a hand come to pull at his collar, pulling his mouth down only hairs from her own. “your targaryen queen has dressed as though she was a whore to catch your eye.” jon smirked as she bit his lip. what was this? dany had almost recoiled in her disgust and shock, but she hadn’t been able to pull herself away from the horrific sight. my lover and his own sister.

this one serves some dark!jonsa realness, and it deserves more comments/kudos. it is written entirely in lowercase, but don’t let that distract you. the characters are dark, and devoted, and who doesn’t love d.ny catching jon and sansa fucking? seriously, this one is a must-read.

Dark in Bloom by @orangeflavoryawp​. oneshot, 8304k.

"His gravity wavers, the axis of his world tilted to the measure of her lips." - Jon and Sansa. The stain of desire bleeds slowly between them.

yeah orange, i’m reccing one of your own fics to you. seriously though, this is just like ... mindblowing. i cannot overstate how much i love this one. i literally will just randomly remember it sometimes, when i’m just going about my daily business, and i’m like “shit, that fic by orange was a masterpiece. love it.” so, yeah, if that doesn’t tell you how much i love it, then idk what will.

what i’m asking by @amymel86​. oneshot, 1173k.

"I'm not here to talk about that," Theon says, setting off another, thankfully smaller coughing fit. "I'm here to talk about Sansa."

Jon can feel the blood drain from his face. "Is she ill?"

Theon shakes his head, lifting his eyes to Jon as he coughs into his fist. "No," he finally says, his lungs giving him a small reprieve. "The Queen is in her prime. Which is why you are needed."

okay, ya’ll obvi know of amy. she writes so much fantastic fic. but i feel like this one kind of flew under the radar? which is a CRIME tbh. this fic was so ... it was so heartbreaking, but in the best way. it’s not that divergent from canon, bc the main thing that is truly different is that theon lives. seriously love this fic.

A Toss of the Coin by Paige242. one-shot, 3793.

Years after the war, the Queen in the North and the pardoned Queenslayer welcome their first child. Old traits emerge, and Jon worries about this Dragon in a den of Wolves.

ok, so this is a future fic where jon and sansa married. i don’t even know how to describe this one. it isn’t jonsa focused, but that doesn’t make it any less brilliant. it is so unique, and i’m yet to read another fic that explores the idea of one of jonsa’s kids inheriting some targaryen madness. there IS a part two, which was just as amazing. pls do yourself a favour and read this!

Choose by @esther-dot​. oneshot, 5630k

“I know the cost of our loves. I know too well how they fall on the scale, one outweighing the other. I know what you tried to tell me. I know.” She was looking at him now, and he was afraid, but he would say the words that he had been unable to silence. “I never had the chance to choose you, but I would. I would choose you every time.”

THE DIALOGUE IN THIS IS INCREDIBLE. i just reread this to try and find my fave quote, but i actually can’t even pick. there are just so many amazing conversations, between sansa and jon, sansa and d.ny, arya and jon .. ugh, the list goes on. love this, please read.

Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge by alltheshinywords. one-shot, 3187k.

Post 8x03, slightly AU. Tormund and Jaime inexplicably find themselves becoming matchmakers when they notice a certain chemistry between Jon Snow and Sansa Stark. Extreme fluff and silliness.

this one is the least angsty on the list, and honestly it’s just such a good time. i remember reading this while s8 was airing, and honestly it was just so light hearted that i laughed out loud several times, despite being heartbroken over what happening in the show.

canon, but alternative universe

leave behind a love story by aetherae. one-shot, 9562k.

Maybe if things had been different, they wouldn't be like this. They would be worse.

ok, so, despite the summary, i naively went into this expecting a happy ending. yeah, so, no. however, this was one of the most interesting fics i’ve read in a while, because each universe it explored was so different to the ones i usually see floating around. and the writing was SUPERB.

i fell in love with a war (and nobody told me it ended) by mountainsbeyondmountains. one-shot, 18752k.

In which the North and the South have been at war for years, and Sansa unexpectedly finds herself on the run with a certain Targaryen bastard.

this is an avatar/bender au, and it is GLORIOUS. after i read this, i promptly devoured every other fic this author has written bc i loved it so much. the bending is just a backdrop to the amazing enemies-lovers this fic delivers.

modern au

Fuel and Fire by @zarahjoyce​. currently 4608k, 4/?, WIP.

"You see?" Sansa says, smiling now. "If you really have to have a room far away from me, seems like you need to move into a different hotel." As an afterthought she adds, "Or to another planet."

"Bet you'd just love that, wouldn't you?" Jon asks her.

"Loads," she snarls.

He takes a deep breath, all the while just looking at her.

Truth be told Jon will give anything in the world to be able to just-- just--

-

Jon and Sansa, and all the tropes applicable to them.

All. The. Tropes.

ok so zarah in general writes AMAZING fic, they’re always so creative and inventive and i’m always genuinely shook by the fic they write. but like, this one is the god tier one BC TROPES.

when we kiss: mmmm, fire by @dancemajicdance​. 8/8, 39705k.

Sansa might be seeing someone casually, but thanks to Arya, Robb, and Theon, it’s Jon who’s got the inside track on how to get Sansa to take him seriously.

aka: the one where jon finds out that sansa has a daddy kink, and he uses it to seduce her away from the dating scene and into his arms, heeeey-oh!

yes yes, it’s a daddy kink fic, and it’s fucking glorious alright. if that’s not your thing though (even though i’m pretty sure this fic is EVERYONE’S thing) then please, for the love of god, check out the rest of their stuff on ao3. you won’t regret it. even though they don’t write much jonsa anymore, the prolific contributions they HAVE made will go down in history as some of the best jonsa ever written imo.

As Long As We're Going Down by @alienor-woods​. 9/12, currently 42228k, WIP.

Four years after Stannis Baratheon wins the Battle of the Blackwater, Sansa Stark finds herself summoned back to King's Landing to serve as a bridesmaid at Crown Princess Shireen's wedding. When King Stannis tries to marry Sansa off to his illegitimate nephew, Edric, she thinks quick and tells him she's already married--

--to her bodyguard, Jon Snow.

i actually don’t know how to explain how much i love this. it’s written so beautifully, and it’s so realistic and just ugh. read it. the adaption to modern royalty is the best i’ve ever read, and the characters are very raw, and very realistic. (also, yes, the characters have gotten together at this point in the story, in case you were scared of committing to a wip without the satisfaction of some hot and heavy scenes).

[trash-bin-throwaway]

•Midna and Zant have a Chat™️•

[[For context, this is a rough snippet of a fic I may or may not ever finish writing. Posting this here to share with a mutual bc copy paste doesn’t work well in Tumblr DMs. But then again. What actually works well in Tumblr DMs?]]

Zant: *Waiting for Midna, various monster materials laid out on the ground*

Midna: I thought you just wanted to talk. What’s all this for? Why the insistence on privacy?

Zant: I understand your hesitation. You’ve every right to be suspicious of me after all I’ve done. But I wanted to talk to you, and you specifically, so I may try my best to explain why I made the choices I did, and apologize for the decisions I made that turned out to be misguided.

Midna: ...Alright. You still haven’t explained all this.

Zant: Ah, of course. Forgive my lack of clarification. Yet I believe you are familiar with what sort of spell these materials combine to make. I am certain that I am not the only one of us versed in the magic of our people.

Midna: Hmm. A truth charm perhaps? Yet I’m unsure as to the purpose of the acid in that jar there...

Zant: It increases the potency of the spell in such a way that it will affect us both, as well as lengthening the effect’s duration somewhat. The intent of having this here is so that you know I don’t intend to deceive you, sure... but it may help this discussion along if you not only can also feel that the charm is in effect, but also cannot speak in such a way that hides your true thoughts... not that I believe you plan to hold anything back with me here. I know enough about you to know that expecting you to mince words when speaking to me of all people is an even more foolish notion than believing that the Demon King desires to help any but himself. Even I am unable to have such a lapse in judgment.

Midna: Flattery will get you nowhere with me, although if you’re telling the truth already, I’m sure that’s not new information. Very well. We will complete the spell, then we will talk.

*they complete the ritual, then sit down to talk*

Midna: So, it worked as it should have. Promising enough... so far. Alright then, let’s start off with the simple things; why did you betray Ganondorf after all the work you put into serving him?

Zant: Put simply, he threw away loyal allies one too many times. I am a powerful warrior in my own right, with goals of my own to serve. I am no puppet to be discarded on a whim.

Midna: So you’re saying he betrayed you? Be more specific, I want details.

Zant: You remember when I waged war on the world of Light, I’m sure. When you and the Hero confronted me in the palace, I begged my master to use his power to save me, and give me another chance to best you. He refused, for no reason aside from me having “lost my usefulness to him”. I was enraged. All that, and only after I’d been killed did I realize I’d been made a fool of, used as a simple pawn, a means to his end. But I showed him...

Midna: (surprised) So it was you. I thought I could sense your presence during that final battle, but I had no way to see for sure, and obviously, there were more important things for me to concern myself with. But that doesn’t matter anyway. So you remember everything from that time?

Zant: I do. I wasn’t simply ripped from a random point in the past before my death, I was resurrected. Ghirahim is in the same situation. His reasons for turning against Ganondorf are almost the same as mine, down to the letter. All the hard work led only to being stabbed in the back.

Midna: I see. So, this is as good a time as any to bring him up. Ghirahim. Tell me more about him. What is he to you?

Zant: He is my reason to be. For so long I knew nothing but the single-minded pursuit of my goals. The completely focused resentment of the Light and all those who would have our people remain in our Twilit prison. But now, with Ganondorf’s influence gone, and his spirit and hatred no longer residing in my body, I can see that, despite my well-wishes for us and our people... I went too far. Caused more suffering than I ever could have prevented. When I realized this, part of me wished to change myself, so I may begin to atone for my wrongdoings. Yet... as I was already that far gone... I had no idea how I was even to start such a shift. But yet... there he was. As we spent time together, as we learned about one another... we made each other happy. Truly, genuinely happy. Not like some sadistic amusement from tormenting an enemy. Just... a true sort of joy from two beings sharing a... connection. It is odd and new to me, yet I know that I love him with everything I am. That connection, this honest love I now hold for another being... seems like as good a place as any to start trying to rid myself of the malice and evil power I used to cling to.

Midna: Heh... that actually makes a bit of sense. Motivated by your own goals, never straying from your path no matter what doubts may surface... until you meet someone worth risking it all for. Ugh, this is strange. Not once did I think I’d ever relate to anything you could say.

Zant:(Laughs) Yes, I suppose that’s a fair assumption to have made. We never had a tendency to see eye-to-eye, now did we?

Midna: (her positivity backpedals as her expression sours) That’s... a horrific understatement, to say the absolute least.

Zant: (also going back to a more serious tone) ...You’re right. I... (sighs) I’ve done awful things. Took a misguided idea too far, and ended up simply worsening every problem I intended to solve. A simple apology won’t fix the harm I caused to anyone, least of all you.

Midna: Right again. I’m sorry Zant, but I can’t trust you so easily after all that you’ve done. However... I do believe the things you say. I have no reason to think you don’t intend to go through with your plans to make amends and help us fight Ganondorf. So... while I can’t see myself being all too comfortable around you at all in the near future, you and Ghirahim will encounter no more open opposition to your being here from me. You want to smooth things over with me on a personal level? Earn that chance. Now, I’ve got things to do, so I must be off. (Gets up to leave)

Zant: Of course. Thank you, your highness.