#also beth? go fuck yourself and die

[luveline]

Omg please kbd uncle Eddie:’)

dad!steve x mom!reader, 1k

“Hi, Uncle Eddie.” 

Eddie rubs his hands together, holds them out in front of himself, and summons the prodigal child forward. “Bethany. Quick, give me a hug.” 

Bethie walks into his waiting arms, her giggle infectious as she says, “That’s not my name.” 

“Bethie,” Eddie says with a sigh. “You know my full name is Edward. Full names are nothing to be ashamed of.” 

“It’s Bethie.” 

She pushes the hair off of his shoulders. He smiles at her and her little hands. If someone told him ten years ago he’d be carrying Steve ‘King of Hawkins High’ Harrington’s babygirl around like a treasure he’d laugh in their face, but he loves Beth. She’s hands down his favourite Harrington, and he’s allowed to have favourites as an uncle, though the other clingers are cool too. Beth is Eddie’s favourite because she’s an underdog, and because she’s so clearly infatuated with him. They’re best friends. 

He gives her a pat between the shoulders and slips down into a seat in front of the TV. There’s no signs of the other babies nor their parents; Eddie always lets himself in when he’s coming around and he doesn’t expect wait service, but a hello would be nice. “Where’s mom and dad?” he asks, setting Beth down into the seat beside him. He zeroes in on a plate of pretzels and snags a few for snacking. “You’re downstairs by yourself?” 

“No! They’re in the kitchen.” 

“Really? What about Ave and Dove, then?” he asks through chewing. 

“Dove is napping and Ave, um, went somewhere.” 

He raises his brows. “Dad took her somewhere?” He imagines Beth would tell him Avery’s run away with similar nonchalance. 

“To Grandma’s. They’re going to watch a play.” 

“Oh,” Eddie springs up off of the couch. “Stay here, sweetheart, I’ll just go make sure they know I’m here.” 

Eddie is scared to open the door. Why is it closed? He supposed parents are deprived of one another but he doesn’t wanna see you kissing. Then again, if he does see you kissing, Steve will die of embarrassment. That’s worth it. 

“Hello!” he shouts, throwing open the door. 

He makes you both jump hard, Steve’s head thwacking a cabinet and your hand thrown to your chest. You almost fall on your ass where you’re kneeling by Steve’s leg. His pant leg is pushed up to the knee, and you have a tweezers in hand —Eddie frowns abruptly. 

“What the hell are you doing?” he asks. 

“Steve has a tick, you fiend. When did you get here?” 

Steve groans. “The door was locked,” he says, rubbing the back of his head. 

“Not well. Just stuck my credit card in there and wham. You guys should slide the chain in if you’re gonna leave poor Bethie all by her lonesome, don’t you think?” 

“Eddie, the door was locked,” Steve says. “You’re the only weirdo in Hawkins willing to break in. Plus, I still have that baseball bat in the garage.” 

“Sure. Come on, sweetheart, get off the floor. Let Eddie have a stab at it.” 

You laugh and pull Steve’s pants down over his shin. “It’s fine, I already got it. He might get Lyme’s now because you scared the fuck out of me–”

“Language.” 

“–but I heated it up and I think I got it.” You look up with a smile. Steve pauses his pained head rubbing to beam at you lovingly. 

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. Or he’ll turn into a zombie, and that would make him cooler. Win win. So, dinner?” Eddie asks. “Should I go get something?” 

“Nah, I made ravioli, you rude idiot. Where’s Beth?” 

“I told her to stay put in case you were making out.” 

Steve helps you up from your kneeling to dust you off. “Thanks for saving my life,” he sighs tiredly, kissing your cheek. 

Eddie rolls his eyes and turns away. Steve should love and appreciate you, you’re awesome, but he’s also a loser and Eddie’s entitled to thinking such disparaging thoughts about his friend from time to time. 

You and Steve made a kid as cool as Beth, so Steve can’t be too bad of a loser.

“Uncle Eddie?” 

“Yes, my lovely sweetpea angel?” Eddie asks. 

She stares at him, adorable in all her chubby-cheeked, sugary-eyed sweetness with her hands held up for another hug. Eddie leans down, says, “Daw, I can’t say no to you,” as she giggles into his hair. He strokes the top of her shoulder with his thumb. “So what’s happening? How did that painting go with mommy, did you put it in the contest?” 

Steve nudges you forward with a hand on your shoulder. “He’d make a good dad, right?” 

“For sure,” you say, “not as good as you, though.” 

“Oh, you’re flirting with me, that’s cool… Are you free Friday night?” 

“Probably gonna be pulling ticks off of some other guy's leg.” 

“Oh, that’s fine, I was busy anyways.” 

Beth giggles as Eddie tips her backward, a mixture of nerves and excitement that kids experience so much more than adults. 

“I always expected him to just end up with a kid. Like, one night stand style,” Steve says. 

“There’s nothing wrong with that. At least then he doesn’t get stuck marrying somebody he doesn’t love.” 

Steve glares at you as you laugh, dragging you into his arms to smush kisses into your cheek. “Don’t even joke about that.” 

“Sorry, honey. I hope Eddie gets as lucky as me someday.” 

Beth begs to be put down through giggles. “I don’t know,” Steve says, resting his cheek on your temple to watch her laugh, “I don’t think Eddie has luck, just sheer force of will.” 

“He’d totally get a baby in a basket on his doorstep.” 

Steve mulls it over. “God, he totally would.” 

[captain-mj]

Honestly a tradegy that the fandom has so many "possessive ghost/ ghost kidnaps soap" but none of soap being the kidnapper I think it would be fun! Very much feel soap would be more of a "taking you for your own good" sorta guy

(Are there any fics like this and if yes PLS link)

I have zero clue if there are any BUT I can make one

Ghost never, ever drank with people if he could avoid it. After the military wouldn't let him back in after Roba, he spent so much of his life trying to drink it away.

Soap was no different. The only difference was that he happened to be his bartender.

After a while, Soap managed to break down some of his walls. Soap just... got him. He was so nice and there was something about him that put Ghost naturally at ease.

And it's the biggest reason why waking up restrained and without his mask felt so much like a betrayal.

Soap looked at him, serene. So gentle.

Ghost tried to jerk himself forward to strangle him but it only bent his back harder. It hurt.

"It's okay, Simon. Not going to hurt you."

"Fucking bastard. Did Roba put you up to this? He pay you?" Ghost spat out, suddenly very very scared. He couldn't handle it. He'd kill himself first. What they were doing in Manchester?

His family.

Oh god, Tommy and Joseph and Beth and his Mom.

"Who's Roba?" Soap tilted his head, fluffy mohawk getting in his eyes. "Nothing like that, m'eudail. How often do you leave the house?"

Ghost glared. "I don't know."

"6. Every night except Tuesday night, you come to the bar. You have your food delivered. You work out in your home. Your mom visits you on Wednesdays which is why you don't come to the bar on Tuesdays. It's so you won't be hungover when she comes, right?"

Ghost stared at him. "You've been stalking me."

Soap smiled. "For months. Watched your every move. You don't take good care of yourself."

Ghost started to take deep breaths, realizing how well he was played. "I... I..."

"It's okay. I promise. I would never hurt you, Simon." He ran his hands through Ghost's hair, gently touching each bleached strand. "Do you dye your hair so you don't look like your father?"

Ghost physically couldn't cry. Instead, he shook until he thought his bones would shatter.

Soap winced. "I'm going to undo some of the ties so you can get in a more comfortable position. You're not going to try to escape, ya understand? You're in a cabin in the middle of the Scottish wilderness."

Ghost let him slowly rearrange him, feeling helpless. Being out of the military and also still being injured meant it was hard to really keep his skills up. He had barely started to bulk back up.

The bed underneath him felt... nice though. Far more comfortable than anything Ghost had ever had.

"I spent a lot of money on this cabin. Had some rich family members die." Soap grinned and Ghost knew for a fact Soap killed them. "So, you're going to be safe here. No more worries. No more fears."

Ghost shuddered and rolled on to his stomach, hiding his face.

"I don't mind your scars. No need to hide those from me."

Ghost choked down something harsh mixed with bile.

"You're not getting your mask back. Don't make me tie you to the bed. I want to see your face."

Ghost slowly adjusted, taking deep even breaths. He was going to die here. The one person he thought was his friend betrayed him.

"There you go, m'eudail." He continued to stroke Ghost's hair until he eventually fell back to sleep, weighed down and likely still drugged.

When he woke back up, his arms were tied behind his back and he was leaning against the headboard. There was a small tray in front of him with some food.

Soap smiled at him. "I'm going to have to feed you. Can't trust you not to try to kill me." He got a spoonful of the soup he had made and offered to Ghost.

Ghost glared at him. "No."

"Simon. Be a good boy for me." Johnny purred, using the same voice he made in the dead of night when he encouraged a very drunk Ghost to drink some water.

Slowly, he opened his mouth, shamefully letting Soap feed him.

It was delicious. Tasted better than the cheap stuff he had been getting. Anything he couldn't microwave was usually out. He just... couldn't bring himself to cook. Soap picked up on his disappointment when it was gone.

"I'll make you more, okay?" Ghost nodded and Soap touched his face, making him squirm. "I can't wait for when I trust you enough to untie you. I promise, I'll take such good care of you."

Ghost looked at him and nodded. Maybe if he played along, it would be easier...

Later that night, Soap got a gun out. He undid Ghost's binds and motioned for him to go to the shower. Ghost followed him, watching the gun warily. Soap clearly had training, knowing exactly how to avoid getting close enough for Ghost to yank it from his hands. He also kept the gun aimed at his legs so it wouldn't kill Ghost if he shot.

Ghost cleaned himself up, enjoying the smell of the soap. It was... pine? He wasn't sure. Once he was done, he pulled the towel into the shower, refusing to let Soap see him.

Soap had gotten him a t-shirt and some sweatpants. They had a skull design on it that he liked a lot. As awful as it was, Soap clearly knew exactly what Ghost liked.

Ghost obediently let Soap tie his hands back together before Soap put him to bed. He sank into the luxury of the blankets and sheets.

Soap got in bed next to him and Ghost was already stepping outside of his body. It wasn't that bad if he dissociated early.

But Soap did not start to undress him. Didn't tug his pants down or get handsy. He didn't even touch him.

Nights were easily the best. Ghost had plenty of time to himself and Soap never touched him at night. He also put rain sounds on at night. It helped him sleep.

The withdrawals hit fast. His steady diet of alcohol and the painkillers he was prescribed for his.... entire body honestly. Soap was so sweet the entire time, knowing exactly how to help even though he refused to give him the drugs or the alcohol to make it stop.

Ghost felt lips against his forehead as Soap checked his fever. "Don't touch me like that."

"Just checking your temperature, Simon. You're so warm. I'm worried." He gave him more acetaminophen and gently pet his hair. "You're going to be okay."

Ghost grimaced as he moved. His vision turned fuzzy as the fever got worse. "Don't let the skeletons get me."

"the skeletons?"

"Yeah. They haunt my dreams. Roba made them."

"Who is Roba?"

Ghost swallowed. "He raped me. A lot. He kept me locked up."

Soap winced. "I'd never. Ever. I promise. I just want to love you, Simon." He put a wet rag over his forehead, trying to cool him down.

"I know. You wouldn't do that to me." Ghost smiled serenely, even as the world spun. Soap stayed next to him, protecting him from the night terrors and fever induced hallucination until he managed to get through it all.

He kept waiting for the other shoe to fall. Ultimatums or forcing himself upon him.

Soap never did. He had such soft hands that fed him and tied him looser and looser until one day he didn't bother.

"If you kill me, I'll be happy knowing I got to spoil you as long as I could."

Ghost didn't even try. The only difference was he (usually) fed himself. He had gotten spoiled and they both knew it.

Soap was gentle when he tried to ask Ghost if he wanted more. It was soft. Just a slight brush of his hands on Ghost's thigh before he grabbed Ghost's hand and held it. "Anything else I can do for you?"

Ghost wanted to say yes. Stupidly. But if he broke, he knew Soap would take whatever he wanted. Despite how good Soap was, he was still anxious. Unreasonably so.

It was absolutely reasonable. Soap was a kidnapper.

Soap nodded when Ghost turned him down and it didn't get brought back up. They watched movies on the couch and Ghost waited by the door whenever Soap had to leave and occasionally they went outside. It was winter and very cold so they didn't do it very often.

Ghost was spoiled and that's why when Soap slipped his shirt off to shower, he touched him. Tracing the tattoos on his back. Enjoying the feeling of him warm beneath.

"Your fingers are freezing." Soap commented, leaning into him. "Having fun?"

Ghost lightly leaned down and kissed his shoulder. "Yes. I am."

[annasinterests]

southern nights

|| main masterlist ||

okay y'all. . . hear me out on this. . . i know southern nights by allen toussaint/glen campbell came out in the 1970s but it's sooo rdr2,, moreover i cannot HELP but think ab it in conjunction with my lovely rugged cowboy(friend) arthur morgan <3 also this is lowkey kinda long but i love it with all my heart so pls b gentle w meee

i will say that this is pretty self-indulgent and wrote it with the idea of a female reader (specifically for like one detail) so if this isn't what you're looking for i apologize :(

so like.. imagine this song playing at either camp from dutch's gramophone or at a bustling saloon in like saint denis (honestly what i imagine more in this scenario so that's what we're rolling w here) and the whole gang is there either drunk or tipsy or whatever

you've always had a thing for arthur as long as you can remember but always kept it to yourself because you'd actually die if it got out- you'd absolutely never hear the end of it from all the women and you'd hate if arthur got teased for it by the men

so you get a couple drinks in you and for most of the night you've been sitting by mary-beth and sadie while the other girls have been up on their feet all night dancing to all the other songs

every now and then your eyes wander to arthur and you smile at how cute he looks when he smiles and laughs with the other guys like john and charles and javier

and how handsome he is with his new short haircut and how he's dressed in all black with his sleeves rolled up and a few buttons left undone that exposed his chest in a way that made your cheeks warm up

and how the lighting also makes him look ten times hotter as if you didn't believe he could get more attractive???? but clearly it was possible

so when the song comes on everyone just lights up and gathers 'round and you see that molly and dutch are clasped together and so are john and abigail and the rest of them find their rhythm in the music

normally you'd frown at when even sadie and mary-beth left you to go join but you had enough alcohol in your system that it didn't even phase you

in fact, you were smiling and giggling at all of them, seeing that this was your family- as fucked up it got sometimes- and for once, everyone was able to let loose

and just when you thought that you were safe on the sidelines tonight, arthur swoops in and holds his hand out to you with the sweetest look

"c'mon, s'no fun without you!"

he makes you laugh when you hesitate by saying you get a free pass to step on his feet if it's the dancing part you're worried about

which it's not but you'll use the excuse and take his hand that perfectly encases yours

he throws you both right in the middle of it all and takes the lead into a foxy routine* which you fall into very easy, because again, it wasn't dancing that was the issue

and he seems to pick up on that very quickly but doesn't say anything because he's so focused on making sure he doesn't step on your feet and holding you and twirling you around and being enamored by how your skirt flares out every time like a princess

at one point when he pulls you back in after twirling your body is pressed right against his briefly and you don't notice the way he gets a little flustered because of.. well.. everything else going on

but his grin remains wide and he feels a flutter and ache in his chest and its not because of the alcohol

more than halfway through the song you get a little boost of confidence and slide your hand over his shoulder to wrap your arm behind his neck and you know it affects him by the way his arm snakes around your waist more

and you're both oblivious to how the whole gang immediately notices your proximity and how all the girls are giggling together while the guys are looking on with wicked smiles cause they know their boy's been sweet on you for a hot minute yets been too scared to be bold ab it incase you didn't feel the same (which couldn't be farther from the truth)

and once the song ends neither one of you really want to pull away but you do and he absolutely refuses to leave you alone for the rest of the night because he knows that something's started and he's determined to finish it at the end of the night before tomorrow comes and washes it away

so if you want another drink? it just so happens that so does he. he actually goes and either gets one with you or for you at the bar

you wanna talk to the girls? oh, he'll be around them too, taking all their (light-hearted) jabs at him just so he can be near you

when the gang rounds up again in a circle just to simply drink and converse, he's right there at your side again, standing so close his shoulder is constantly brushing against yours

and because you've all perhaps over-indulged in some adult beverages, of course you find yourselves huddled together and up in each other's personal bubbles, leaning in real close when someone talks because that's what everyone does when they've drank too much

so arthur places a gentle hand on your back to make sure that you're just in the circle as much as everyone else is, but also because he just really wants to keep you connected somehow

before you know it, you're relaxing into his shoulder as his hand rests on your waist again and it just feels so damn normal. like this is how it's always been

you feel yourself slipping and giving in, but you know he is too because of how you can feel his heart thumping against you and damn near out of his chest

while he enjoys the company and the time being had together, he feels the night dragging on and he's so desperate to get you alone

and he finally thinks he gets the chance when dutch hints at the idea that they should start rolling out to get back to camp and feels a nervousness building up

but you catch him off-guard when you take his hand and sneak away through a sidedoor to an alley while no one is looking and he laughs out of pure surprise

"what're you doin?"

"well one, i don't wanna leave yet. two, i know that wagon ride home is gonna be downright loud and obnoxious. and three, i'd rather be with you, so... walk with me?"

you're all smiles and so is he, and you stroll aimlessly around the town that seems to be busy at all hours of the day, hand in hand

you find yourselves near the outskirts of the town near the river when he starts to speak up and tell you how much fun he had and how good it was to see everyone getting along, as well as poking at you for being so hesitant to get up and dance since you did so well with him

you agree with him on the first two things and simply brush off the last bit, insisting that you had no idea what he was talking about, but you both knew it was just an act

he starts to say something else and then goes quiet and slows down, slightly tugging your hand to bring you back to him, which causes you to look at him with concern

he's trying to find the right words to say that every time he sees a pretty flower he wants to pick it and give it to you

that every time he leaves camp he makes it a point to see you last just so he can see your face and hear your voice because he doesn't know how long it'll be until he can do it again

that he notices every little thing you do and has written so many things for you and about you in his journal

that when you look at him, he doesn't ever want you to look away

and you're not making it any easier on him by looking ridiculously adorable while being incredibly confused and concerned, your eyebrows knitted upwards with expressive eyes that are twinkling under the dim street lights

he's fumbling over his words but you're able to piece them together little by little, a sweet smile growing on your lips as his hands are fidgeting with yours

"arthur-"

he snaps his head up at you thinking he's crossed the line, but the fear eases when he sees that you're grinning at him and slowly closing the space between you two, placing your hands on his chest

the corner of his lip curls up and his eyes are flickering between yours as his hands find their way around you like they have been all night

"i like y-"

you didn't even have to finish the statement before his mouth was on yours in something sweet and passionate yet eager and needy

the breaks between kisses were few and short, completely engrossed in one another and trying to make the moment last forever

when you finally did separate, you were both smiling and letting out breathy chuckles, acting all giddy like the couple of kids that you were

he leans in to your touch when you put your palm on his cheek and kiss the other side, being able to feel the warmth that'd been there all night

"take us home, arthur."

he reaches for the hand on his cheek and turns his head to kiss it, then dropping them both down and intertwining your fingers as you begin to walk back to his horse, his voice filled with such love in a simple response

"yes ma'am."

goddamn do i love that cowboy. i literally told myself that i wasn't even going to write anything else besides my ongoing fic rn but i just have such a soft spot for arthur it's unreal. also if anyone wants to like, properly write this and make it a thing please feel free cuz i was just spit ballin' with this lmao- the only thing i ask is to be tagged because i wanna love and support u <3

*if you don't know what a foxy routine is, just look up that phrase on google or youtube and there are a ton of videos w so many variations of this dance! however i don't imagine is as a foxtrot (where there's more distance between u and ur partner) so there's that to clear up any confusion if there is any! <3

[real-total-drama-takes]

https://www.tumblr.com/real-total-drama-takes/731464074454597632/im-sick-of-ride-the-cyclone-aus-that-cast-noah-as

I don’t want to extensively rant about AUs on here but I’m sure there’s a big enough intersection between TD fans and RTC fans right. Anyway yeah this take is pretty true sorry sugdbdbjshdjdsjb but there’s reasons for it being a constant

In seriousness, I’m trying to think of who in gen 1 (or even anyone in TD?) would fit as Noel, bc Noel has a very specific character niche even if he just seems like The Gay One. He romanticizes nihilism to a comical extent where his dream is to like, die alone in a French alley from typhoid fever. Like that’s appealing to him. Who the fuck would want to do that ever.

Noah works best for the silly one liner insults Noel does (I also think ‘you challenged my notion that all gay dudes are fun to be around’ would be like the best way to describe him) but I’m genuinely lost here lmfao. Izzy is actually pretty into acting and being dramatic and probably would fantasize about living some kind of insane life like that, but that’s stretching one part of her character to an extreme. I think it could work if you played your cards right though. That’s all I’ve got there bud, hope you find your dream AU one day and if I read any more Noah-centric takes my brain will explode into mush

My second take here is that I would keep Courtney as Constance and have Gwen be Constance, bc while the personalities of Gwen and Constance are 100% different, a) Constance and Ocean’s dynamic isn’t going to click if it’s just like. Fuckin Beth or something? And b) Gwen would totally have that moment that is Jawbreaker, cuz she’s The Loner, her whole life she’s probably been avoiding getting attached to people or things or even just like letting herself let loose and enjoy life, and I think her death being what opens her eyes to the world around her would be fucking awesome

Harold is literally just Ricky in a past life or something though if you choose anyone else you’re kidding yourself

.

[cyanichexanthine]

@potetosaradas’s first time hc post here made me lose my mind about the relationship progression (in a very good way, amazing HCs and all my love🥰💖 please go read if you haven’t, it’s perfect) and it re-sparked some thoughts that haunted me so this is gonna be a long? post of misc thoughts, buckle up I guess.

I see the relationship starting as a “perceived friends with benefits” thing like let’s just fuck nasty and hot and never speak of actual feelings bc Ricks. That being its fatal flaw in the end. I also think Prime felt a lot stronger about the actual relationship part than he’d ever admit, and thus got hurt by it way more in the end, like absolutely shattered him when Rick wouldn’t join him and they split. Rick is more oblivious to it initially, like of course he started to feel something but would likely suppress it more because he has more to “lose” per se. (His current life, his wife, his daughter etc) So he’d kinda just dip, dodge and ignore certain things until the first time they actually get intimate. It’s an endurance game he lost mentally because he didn’t really 100% want to win in the first place.

I do think it started off as Prime just visiting occasionally and helping with things and surprisingly even getting help with things he was working on, something he’d probably never, if only rarely, got before. Rick is smart, like as smart as him, almost, ego says so haha. But there’s a mutual respect there. On the odd chance they’re not on the same wavelength I think they’d give each other creative ideas the other hadn’t even considered. They genuinely enjoy each other’s company, hell they look forward to it.

But also occasionally he’d be showing Rick other universes, tech etc, this is partly because Rick didn’t suffer or even, you know, die immediately when “going alone” as the second version of the backstory would have us believe, he’s likely been out there before/has some knowledge or understanding of the universe/multiverse? Any human with zero experience or idea of what to expect or protection/weapons of some kind is eating dirt in 5 mins tops, especially if going in blind (which does make me wonder what it was like for Prime? But I don’t think he went in entirely unarmed or unprepared. That’s a thing for another day I guess.)

They spent a lot of time together, as much as they could without it being suspicious. But Prime definitely made the first intimate advance, maybe noticed that Rick was kinda frustrated and wanted in on that. Very in the moment. Manages to convince him maybe even similar to the Beth thing like is it really cheating if it’s with yourself etc and it really doesn’t help he’d know *himself* best sexually, Rick doesn’t stand a chance honestly. Again, slowly losing the mental battle with himself on why he shouldn’t.

Death by a thousand cuts but make it interactions.

From that point on the damage is pretty much done to the core, now it just slowly seeps out like a poison between all the casual sex and fun.

Unfortunately, Ricks have been shown time and time again to be heavily emotion/feeling (especially in the moment) driven creatures so of course they get tangled in between working together and the friends with benefits thing and the gears start to come off the tracks. Arguments, frustration, walking out, failing to apologise bc pride/stubborn nature of Ricks etc. Just failing to talk about how they feel in general. Instead, it’s micro-aggressions and cold shoulders. Why doesn’t the sex and touch hit like it used to? Why are the silences longer? There’s longer gaps between the visits etc.

I think they didn’t exactly have smooth sailing relationship wise, at all, when feelings get involved tensions flare more often especially when Rick didn’t seem 100% happy in his relationship with Diane but likely committed for the love of his daughter. Meanwhile, Prime wants in with someone who is already taken and “burdened” by the same things he so easily cast off himself. Likely believing that C137 would eventually if not already end up feeling the same way, longing for something more than this mundane life. So why stay? Why rot away like that? That they could do whatever, whenever, together.

Maybe it’s one of the first interactions/relationships Prime hadn’t got bored of, he can see the potential and it makes it hurt. Especially accentuated by the torment of holding and being so close to someone you can never truly have.

It’s part of why I think the final talk before the split would have been such an ultimatum/volatile one. Where all the hairline fractures they likely ignored and patched over with sex and careless words over time of their relationship/working together kinda just split and the whole thing shatters.

Ugh the tragedy hit this one sorry everyone. Just had to exorcise my brain a little.

[bootlegmozart]

sorry i've been gone for a bit! i'm alive and doing quite a bit better. Was discharged from the hospital. Personal shit below.

soooo i got hospitalized for trying to die on everyone. the psych ward was pretty nice even though it was boring as fuck. literally all there was to do was watch TV or draw, so yeah. I did learn that i hate commercials with a passion and the BK commercial was sung flat on PURPOSE because they're trying to be more #relatable. Makes me not wanna get BK. Forgot how fucking horrible cable TV was. Glad I don't have it. It's like 55% commercials 45% shows. A real cesspool of garbage if you ask me.

This ward would have you ask for anything though, but I figured out the purpose is to get you used to asking for help. Yeah, it takes away autonomy because you had to ask for towels and for them to unlock the shower, ask for snacks, ask for personal hygiene items, etc, but at the very least it helped me get used to asking for things instead of just silently suffering. The staff was really nice to me and I made a couple friends.

Charlie, I know you don't use tumblr, but you're a wonderful human being and I hope you stick to your discharge plan because you deserve to be happy. You were the brightest light I saw in the ward, and people love you because you're just so easy and fun to be around. Naynay I hope your mom doesn't make your schizophrenia worse. You were fun to talk to about anime and cats. I wish you the best, and hope you can live your bisexual life to the fullest. Beth, you have a beautiful family and I hope you're feeling well enough to get through school despite the language barrier. You're brilliant. You got this. Josh, I'm sorry I called you buddy and I hope you start trusting the staff enough to take your meds. Evelynn, I hope you also start taking your meds. You were very kind to me and deserve to not be plagued by shit. I hope you're able to start trusting people again soon. It's not easy, but you're a strong, confident woman who can do anything you set your mind to.

But enough mushy stuff.

I found out just how badly I was being treated by my family. I didn't quite realize it until my beloved Jaspie also had to deal with them. They treated him very poorly, but also were incredibly tone deaf about the entire situation. My parents, who are divorced, couldn't bury the hatchet to support me. They were competing with each other the entire time, and were very performative. I'm still coming to terms with the trauma inflicted and just how much it affects me today. I'm 27 and still dealing with it. I have trouble asking for help, feeling my emotions, and trusting others to have my best interests in mind. I. Am. Traumatized. I have trauma. It's ok. I'm allowed to have these issues. I have panic attacks. I didn't even realize that's what was going on until I was hospitalized and had the safety of the ward. I didn't have tools needed to deal with those, tools to identify my emotions, or tools to deal with my trauma. While I'm still a work in progress, I'm going to be ok I think. I got medication that works and tools to help my mental health.

It's ok to admit yourself to a psych ward. If you do, you'll be able to check the ward before you go and make sure it's a good, reputable place to go. Pass the burrito test n' stuff. Plus, the staff will give you a bit more freedom with stuff cuz, at least, you were cognizant enough to recognize that you needed help.

The staff set up appointments with my psychiatrist and therapist for me. All I have to do is get online and click on the email to go to my appointment. It was really helpful that I didn't have to worry about that.

Speaking of things I didn't have to worry about, Jaspie, if you're reading this far down, I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me this past week. You helped me realize that it's not my fault that I'm like this. It was definitely my parents that fucked me up. You had to deal with them for a short while, but you immediately could tell that they weren't good for me. I was a child and got beaten for it. I was a child and got screamed at for it. I was a child and was abused and all this stuff finally came boiling over. I'm sorry that this was something that I had to go through. You were an unstoppable force of love throughout my week there. An indomitable, shining light that phased through space, time and reality just to support and love me unconditionally. I'll love you forever and always.

Chase, thank you for being here for me when I got out. We're going to make luhzaga tonight. You helped me get my computer back to a working order through a friend, and support me when my dad had me visit one day after I was discharged. Your hilarity, actions, and love for me mean more than I can express.

And lastly, Molly, my god dude. You were more supportive than my family too. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for calling me without being asked.

I digress, but TLDR;

GET THERAPY. GO TO THE FUCKING PSYCH WARD IF YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF.

Bitch.

[atelophobicity]

3/20

pakamatay na lang kami. everything is so futile anyway. we suffer for what? for arbitrary and outdated rules our ancestors put here in the first place? well, i don't want to play by the rules. if the only fucking way to get out of this motherfucking labyrinth is to blow our brains out, so be it.

so tired of fucking running in this life with the finish line being moved further and further away. so tired of making plans and throwing it all away because life decided to throw gallons and gallons of fucking lemons to your face while your eyes are open. so tired of being here, when the world and its systems and its arbitrary rules is doing everything in its power to wish you and your family are dead.

(because when you die alone, you become a burden. so might as well take your family with you.)

kawawa naman sila maiiwan dito naghihinagpis, ano? iiwan mo na dala-dala ang lungkot, inis, gastos na dala ng pagpapakamatay mo. eh di wag kawawain. dalhin na lang silang lahat kung saan ka makakarating din. wala rin namang nakakaalam sa kinahihinatnan ng mga tao pagtapos ng buhay. kung sa langit mapunta, mabuti. kung sa impyerno man, sige. wala namang makakaalam hangga't di rin sila nalalagutan ng hininga.

bago umalis, mag-iwan ng mensahe. ang dramatic kung ang tinta ay dugo. okay na yung papel kung saan makikita nilang lahat.

para sayo 'to, tita jore, tito rodel. kasi ang dali-dali sa inyong magpaalam sa mga bagay na wala ka namang attachment. porke't nasa ibang bansa na kayo at maayos na ang buhay, na salamat sa suporta at pagtatrabaho ng mga magulang mo at nanay ko para mangyari yan lahat sa inyo.

para sayo 'to, tita beth. sa relentless niyong pagsakop at pag-angkin sa lupa. sa walang konsiderasyon sa amin kaya gulung-gulo na ang buhay ko at ng pamilya ko. hindi mo madadala 'tong lupa at bahay sa kabilang buhay.

hindi ko mapapatikim sa inyo ang batas ng mga api. pero sa oras na umakyat kayo sa langit, mahihila ko kayo pababa. at kung pinapunta kayo sa dapat niyong kahitnatnan, sisiguraduhin kong mas magdudusa kayo kesa amin.

-

my own thoughts scare me. before i will never get why people committed suicide. or suicide murder. i didn't understand how could you be so cruel to take someone's choice away by putting their life in your bloody hands.

my brain now knows: it's not just selfishness or hatred. it's love. it's hopelessness. it's caring too much. it's the futility of it all. it's finally giving yourself up to the temptation jesus rebuked. it's freedom from the choices you did and didn't make. it means nothing. but it also means everything. it's going to be difficult, but once you start, it'll only get easier from there. you just have to know which shot is the most effective, which stab is the best means to do it so.

and so the plan starts.

[kingasriel]

moving main blog

heehaw so our abusive ex stalked our blog and decided that a vague, general post abt us hating m*thers was a literal death threat, and sent it to one of our partner’s m*ther along with our fucking deadname!

SO we’re changing our main url for the billionth time haha! we’re keeping our old sideblogs the same but taking the links 2 our main off.

please pm/ask us for our new main url

[tweetsongs]

the wildest tattoo story i’ve ever heard. transcript below cut.

Anthony: Hi I’m Anthony Burch, your Daddymaster-

Freddie: Hi dad

Anthony: Uh, y’all played the Yakuza games? [chorus of agreement] Yeah, okay, so- I’m gonna- this isn’t gonna work so well for the podcast we’re doing. I’m gonna stand up, and then somebody just insult me.

Beth: He’s wearing a dress shirt that’s kind of nice with sweatpants-

Freddie in the background: Oh my god

Beth: So I don’t know where this is going-

Will: What is happening?

Beth: And now he’s unbuttoning his shirt-

Will (overlapping): Hey Anthony, you suck. (overlapping with Freddie) WHAT!

[exclaimations of shock]

Will: He’s got a back tattoo! It’s- it’s bitching as hell!

Beth: A fullass back tattoo, I’m never insulting this man again EVERRRR

Matt: Wait, is that a temporary tattoo?

Anthony: No it’s real

Beth: No it’s real

Matt: I mean, a temporary tattoo is real, it’s just temporary- [unintelligible behind background laughter]

Anthony: I guess mine’s temporary in the fact that I’ll die eventually, but no-

Will: What on earth- what is it? [overlapping with others] what is it? Draw a picture for our listening audience at home

Anthony: So it is a Yakuza style back tattoo. It is not complete or colored in yet, and the lower third is missing, but it's the first three cats I have instead of, like, a dragon or a fucking samurai or something cool, it's just my three cats, like, hanging out, but in Yakuza style, and it wasn't supposed to be like this. [over confused exclaimations] So I went in, and the plan was-

Matt: I mean, that's a lot for not to be-

Anthony: I KNOW.

Beth: Can I redo the [unintelligable]? This is why we all knew. This is why we all knew.

Matt: Also I’m changing the fact to that Anthony Burch is the most popular guy at school. Because he has a fucking cool tattoo

[laughter and agreement in background]

Anthony: This is a story about me being mentally not as great as I thought I was. So I went in and was like, I finally found the thing I want to do, which is a big Yakuza style tattoo of my cats because I love my cats so much. But I don't like pain, so what if you could design a tattoo for me that was, like, a three part thing, and we'll just do one part that stands on its own, and if I can handle the pain, we'll finish the rest of it?

Will softly in the background: What the fuck?

Anthony: And he went, Absolutely. And then a couple of weeks went by, and then he forgot that part and went: ‘Cool. I finished the tattoo,’ and he showed me the design, and A) I didn't like it that much, and B) it was so big- [soft ‘oh, no’ in the background] it was my whole back. In my head, I went, this is the moment. This is where you can decide to stand up for yourself and occupy the smallest amount of space a human being possibly can in the world and say, actually, we talked about it being small, or actually, I would like it if you change certain elements of the design. And I thought about that very hard for about 45 seconds, and I said, that looks perfect, let's do it.

Freddie: WHAT?

Will: This is the biggest, if not, no worries I've ever heard of in my life.

Anthony, over sounds of horror: Yeah. It’s- yeah. And so I laid on my stomach for 3 hours, and he did the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life, including getting my butthole and ding dong waxed, the entire time being like, it would be cool if I was an adult. It would be cool if I was capable of asking for, like- I now know if I go to a restaurant and somebody just hands me a plate of shit, I'll go, that's vegan, baby. And then not complain or send it back, apparently.

Matt: Have you grown to like it?

Anthony: No. [shocked and horrified exclamations from others] It hurt a lot! No, I mean, it looks good. I mean, I just got it here. I literally just got it today.

Beth: I think it looks killer

Will: It looks badass

Anthony: Yeah, it's not done yet. I'm sure it's looking good, but I have to go back and get more stuff done. All my friends who have tattoos were like, no, it's cool, like, at a certain point, it hurts so much you get adrenaline or you get endorphins or any of this kind of stuff.

Freddie: I’ve never bought that

Anthony: Nope! It didn't happen to me. Turns out, At least not on your back, because your back is close to your spine, so you get nerves. And so I could feel the needle vibrating against my fucking bones on my back. Felt like somebody with a box cutter attached to a fucking vibrating wand just dragging it across my back.

Matt: I think in support of Anthony, we should all get back tattoos of his cats- [laughter] All four of us.

Beth: We should all get back tattoos of Anthony.

Anthony: Don’t do that

Beth: I’m gonna do it

Freddie: We were just talking about that-

Matt: We all get back tattoos of Anthony getting a back tattoo

Beth: Yes

[laughter]

Anthony: When I was there, I said, like, a full back tattoo or whatever, and some guy in the other room

Freddie: ‘OR WHATEVER?’

Anthony: Yeah, yeah, and some guy in the other room was like, ‘oo that's the right move.‘ And I was like, Cool, that must be because it's a good for beginners thing

Will, pained: Wha-

Anthony: And then as it was happening, the tattoo artist was like, you're handling this pretty well. This is, like, one of the most painful places you can possibly get tattooed.

Beth: Oh, my God.

Anthony: And I was like, Okay, cool. That's good to know.

Beth: I want you to know that I see you, and that I would probably do the same thing, so.

Anthony: Yeah. Like, tattoos come and go, being awkward is somebody’s forever

[music riff fades out]

[chocoenvy]

okok so this might sound a little dumb

but

hot thief au

except the reader finds out about the gold blood thing before anyone else does and just kinda pieces everything together

but they also just so happen to be an enemies to lovers loving fiend

part of them is like "no you idiot show them and we can end this predicament now"

but the other side of them is like "hehe commit flirtatious blasphemy"

guess which side they listen to

Sexy villain theif au part one part two(? chronologically, it happens after this but it was written first)

I WAS SO CLOSE TO DOING THIS THO- BECAUUSE THEY'RE A HOT THEIF THEY'D PROBABLY NOTICE THAT THEIR BLOOD IS GOLDEN-

WARNINGS!!!: physical violence, mentions of imprisonment, angsty(?), cursing

Quite early on into your theiving adventures, you were getting petty revenge on Mondstadt. With your ever-growing sleath skills, you were in Mondstadt's city in the early hours of night. A cloak over your head and your pace casual. As though you weren't clenching your fists in your pocket to keep them from shaking.

You were better than what you were when you had first arrived to Mondstadt, bright-eyed and with a skip in your step. Then later when they had you in a cage, shivering and teary-eyed. No way to escape if you couldn't use the map to teleport away.

You still remember how you couldn't breath from how much you were crying. How it was the first time in your life where you were sure you were going to die or worse.

But you were better now, you could escape. You'd be okay.

You calmly - as calmly as you could - walked throughout the city. Since it was early night it wasn't too odd, but you'd still have to be careful. You were wearing a mask to hide your face but it was still suspicious. There was really no good way to go about this other than to be confident and act like you belong. And then steal a bunch of shit.

It started with the shops around Mondstat. Oddly enough, they were still open and you could browse their options and then with a slight of hand steal something from a shelf. Then, you went to the alcohol. Same slight of hand trick and what you thought was luck and you had safely smuggled a bottle of wine under your cloak.

Now, this was probably wine-induced as you did take a few swigs, but somehow you ended up in the church. Next thing you knew you were stealing the lyre der hymmel and teleporting outside the city gates.

You were stifling your giggles like a madman - which was more than likely wine induced- when a voice stopped you.

"You," He snarled, and you immediately knew who it was, "I saw you steal all of those items. Now explain to me your reason for it."

You turned around to look at him, stolen goods stuffed in your pockets and under your cloak. You grinned, "Diluc, it's very nice to see you Darknight Hero."

He unsheathed his weapon and you immediately opened up your map to get the hell outta there. But whether it was due to your slightly intoxiacted state, the fact you weren't completely used to your map abilities, or both, he struck you before you had the chance to get away.

You gasped, falling to the floor, however the map still remained in front of you. Quickly, you tapped on it and dissapeared just as his sword hit the dirt you were once on.

You were at the waypoint closest to Beth, the anemo hypostasis, cathing your breath leaning against the waypoint. You clutched your side where he had struck you, applying as much pressure as you could. You bit your lip at the pain, whimpering.

"Gah," You inhaled sharply as you carefully pulled your hands away to asses the damage just to see shiny golden blood twinkling back at you.

You blinked at the blood. You checked to make sure the golden liquid was indeed coming from yourself - which is was - before covering the wound back up.

"The fuck did they put in that wine?" You grumbled, laying down, "Is this why Venti is just a fucking idiot?" You whimpered, tears pricking your eyes. "Fuck, why can't they just leave me the fuck alone?" You bit your lip as you sobbed, stars falling down your cheeks.

You weren't sure when but you had passed out, waking up in the morning with your head feeling as though it was being split in two. The sun wasn't helping and you buried your face into the cloth surrounding you.

Wait- You hadn't had any cloth to lay on other than your own clothes in god knows how long. With that, you jolted awake, sitting up so fast your side pratically screamed in pain. Though it hurt like hell you ignored it and took in your surroundings.

A hilichurl camp. You were in the center, sleeping on the only makeshift bed they had.

"The fuc- wait." You quietly gasped and checked your side. It was bandaged up and didn't seem to be bleeding (even though you had just sat up so fast it felt like it had been torn open). But there was still dried blood on it. Dried golden blood on it.

Your head was really starting to feel like it was being sawn open but your silent panic was interrupted by a friendly slime gently bouncing onto your lap.

You blinked in mute wonder as your hands floated above it hesitantingly. The surprisingly soft anemo slime reached up and nuzzled into your hand, its eyes smiling.

"Shit," You grinned, though there was no amusement in your eyes, just fear, "I'm god now."

-----------

The hilichurls and slimes had sent you off with food and supplies you might need. You thanked them as much as you could and while they were sad to see you off, you told them it was dangerous for you to be in one place too long. You weren't sure if they had understood but they had let you leave with much reluctance after that.

You immedaiately went to the quiet mountains of Liyue. You needed out of Mondstadt.

"Fuck." you sighed, burying your head in your hands as you hid from the beautiful scenery.

You were god. Their god they've been screaming and hunting you down for impersonating. You could end all of your suffering right now, you could show them your golden blood and it'd all be over.

But... did you want it to be over?

Did you want them to be able to bow before your feet? Did you want them to know they were killing their god? Do you want to stop them by revealing your true nature? Or do you want them to continue to act like animals, to continue your game. So that finally, finally when you do reveal your true nature not out of fear but power, you can watch them grovel as they realize nothing can forgive what they've done. To you as a person and a god.

Your frustrated musings were interrupted by a spear whizzing past you, a section of your hair gone with it. You whirlled around to see Zhongli in all his archon glory. His hair, eyes, and arms were glowing an angry orange-golden hue.

Shit, not again. You groaned, standing up and donning your usual cocky smirk. Though, this time it was strained.

You can choose, you told yourself, clenching your fists, your smirk twitching, You could reveal it right now and end all of this. But did they deserve to know right now?

You scoffed and glared at Morax standing before you.

"How you been Morax?" You giggled.

"Silence imposter." He snarled, "I will not be hearing your nonsense today." He pointed his spear at you, "Die without struggle."

You laughed, opened your mouth and laughed as though it was the best joke ever told, "You wish Morax! If I die - and that's big if - I'm going down and taking all of Teyvat with me." You grinned, a mad giggle bubbling in your throat.

Zhongli's eyes glowed and he threw his spear at you again, to which you dodged, but a sword flew at you at well and next thing you knew a catalyst was throwing rocks at you.

Ah, right, this is Morax. Not the reitred Zhongli. You cursed, gritting your teeth as you dodged and a small rock grazed your cheek. It was nothing and hardly hurt, you merely breezed away. You seemed to disappear as you appeared behind Morax.

You reached to hit his throat in a non-lethal move but he swerved around, his sword swinging right into your face. You flinched and attempted to duck, but all of a sudden his sword moved and he had grabeed your face with his hand. You opened your eyes hesitantly to find Zhongli staring at your face, eyes wide, and his breath taken away.

You grit your teeth, "The hell's your proble-" Your breath died in your throat as he wiped the blood off of your face gently, and stared at it on his finger.

"It's-" Tears formed in the corners of his eyes and his voice shook, "Is- i-is i-it-?"

You pulled a switch-a-roo on him and grabbed his jaw, pulling him closer to you as your breaths intermingled, "Let's keep this a secret for now, okay?" You chuckled, a finger to your mouth, and you dissapeared.

Watatsumi Island was peacful as you panted heavily, leaning against the waypoint for support.

"Fucking hell Morax." You panted, sitting down to catch your breath.

You sighed, staring at the Watatsumi shrine, a place you were not welcome, "The hell do I do now?"

[whisperedfury]

Megara Character Parallels, aka queer coded mean girls

Heather Chandler (Heathers) A Mean Girl. Vain and selfish - likes to be in control and will ruin you if you cross her. Very little patience for stupidity, killer one-liners. Honestly just an Icon 
 “Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I’m always red.”

Theo Crain (The Haunting of Hill House) Literally the Worst at feelings. “A clenched fist with hair”. Says fuck way too much, also thinks she can fix everything. Has one (1) emotional outpouring per year. 
“And I’m just floating in this ocean of nothing, and I wonder if this is it, if this is what death is, just out there in the darkness, just darkness and numbness and alone, and I wondered if that’s what she felt and that’s what mom feels, and its just numb and nothing and alone.”

Amy Elliot-Dunne (Gone Girl) Vengeful and cold. Playing the long game and probably has at least three plans to frame you for something. Knows how to craft herself into what people want and expect. Old Testament God vengeance. “You are a man. You are an average, lazy, boring, cowardly, woman-fearing man. Without me, that's what you would have kept on being, ad nauseam. But I made you into something. You were the best man you've ever been with me. And you know it. The only time in your life you've ever liked yourself was pretending to be someone I might like.”

Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn 99) Unknowable (TM), Actually a very supportive friend, knows most people’s secrets. Always armed. “You can’t let other people’s opinions get in the way of what you want, especially because other people suck.”

Josh Lyman (The West Wing) Human Disaster with a brilliant political mind, works in a constant state of panic. Repressed tragedy and trauma. “He goes through every day worried that somebody he likes is going to die and its going to be his fault. What do you think makes him walk so fast?” “President Bartlett’s a good man. He’s got a good heart. He doesn’t hold grudges. That’s what he pays me for”

Azula (Avatar the Last Airbender) Child soldier energy, repressing trauma through perfectionism. Low key about to breakdown at any given moment. Competitive sibling relationship that can get violent. Has absolutely had a crisis and cut her own bangs before. Coup by girlbossing. “Don’t flatter yourself. You were never even a player.”

Margo Hanson (The Magicians) THATS MY HIGH KING. Willing to do whatever it takes to keep her power. Loves very few people but would literally go to the ends of the earth to save them (wow how tragic that season four ended with episode 10?) A manipulative cunt. “But he didn’t tell you that the world makes you choose. You can be one of the smart ones or one of the pretty ones or even a strong one. But...try to be all three...you better learn to smile and shut up... Because the second you’re you, the second…” “I’m loud, pissed off, it's ‘what a bitch.’ ‘what a slut’ ‘who the fuck does she think she is?’” “So you never give them a chance. You hit first. And anyone dumb enough to hit back soon finds that there’s no hurting you, sheathed in all that hard, glossy armor.”

Beth Dutton (Yellowstone) Burn it all down to defend your home. Quite literally does not have a limit of what she’d do to protect those she loves. Desperate to prove herself to parental figures. “I subscribe to Neitzsche’s thoughts on right and wrong. He was a German philosopher who died of syphilis after he corn-holed some prostitute, so not exactly a life to model yours after, but his thoughts on right and wrong, good and evil... Which were: there’s no such thing. That, I believe. I believe in loving with your whole soul and destroying anything that wants to kill what you love. That’s it. That’s all there is.” 

[dixonsmonroe]

Near To You

Summary: Daryl and Rick had everything, until they didn’t. But when Daryl meets Jesus, he learns that there are always second chances when it comes to love.

Pairing: Daryl x Rick, Daryl x Jesus

Word count: 4k

Author’s notes: i actually found this in my google docs other day and apparently i wrote this 2 years ago so enjoy!

Warning: mentions of smut (18+), fluff, pining, canon level violence, i will never stop loving desus

Daryl hadn’t taken kindly to Rick right away. He didn’t like him when they were still at the camp and Rick had a gun to Daryl’s head, and told him in his best ‘good-cop’ voice, “We don’t kill the living.” It was like that for a while; anytime Rick started off on his pep talks, Daryl wanted to knock him in the teeth. The longer Merle was gone, though, the pep talks became less annoying and even kind of comforting.

After they left the CDC and ended up at the farm, Daryl still kept his distance, but did whatever Rick needed him to. He actually enjoyed being around him, and working in a group as a team. He felt useful around the farm; it was work he knew how to do. He also noticed the only time he was ever annoyed at Rick anymore was when Shane was around. Shane would make some dumbass remark, Daryl would antagonize him, and Rick would keep them from fighting. Shane would leave and Rick would just look apologetically at Daryl, who would shrug it off and assure everything was fine.

Nothing had ever happened until the prison. They had been there for a while, and after Lori died, Rick had started to come back to them bit by bit. He was currently in a peaceful farming phase, which was plentiful for the group, but still a little out of character.

Rick met Daryl in the guard tower for first watch shifts after everyone went to bed.

“The place is lookin’ good,” Rick looked out over the whole prison, over the crops they had grown and the reinforcements around the walls. “We really made this place home.”

“Took a lotta work, but it was worth it.” Daryl replied, smoking his cigarette, “You got us all here.”

“Couldn’t have done it without my right hand,” he smiled. Daryl stifled a grin and looked away, trying not to let Rick see him blush.

They had been together like this a thousand times, just the two of them, hanging out. They were best friends, they were family. But sometimes Rick would laugh a certain way or he’d get all focused and solemn or he would push his hair out of his face and Daryl would freeze up. Rick was a strong leader, and a good friend. He had Daryl’s full loyalty.

“How’ve you been doing?” he asked.

“Much better. Rick nodded. “I know I lost it a little bit, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’m figuring things out.”

“You need anything, lemme know.”

Rick stared out the window in silence for a few moments. “There might be something.”

Daryl glanced at Rick, who was now looking at him, albeit a bit nervously.

“What’s that?”

Rick looked hesitant now, like he was mentally backing out of whatever he was going to say. He leaned closer to Daryl still, until their hands were touching. Daryl glanced at Rick out of the corner of his eye. He could feel Rick’s body heat so incredibly close, and it made him shiver. Rick finally took his hand and held it as they looked out across the yard. Daryl fought back a grin and gave Rick’s hand a squeeze, leaning against him.

Nothing more had happened until about two weeks later. In those two weeks there had still been plenty of secret hand holding, stolen smiles and glances, the like. But one day after an especially tolling run, Daryl had made his decision. It had been rough out there; it was him, Rick, and Maggie, the car had stalled and they almost got taken out by a hoard. Daryl watched Rick almost get bit and he felt like he was about to lose everything he cared about. He had thrown the walker off of him after stabbing it and helped Rick up. He patted Daryl’s shoulder and nodded towards the car.

The moment they knew they were completely alone back at the prison, Daryl kissed Rick. The best part was Rick kissed him back, as if this was normal, as if it was how it had always been. Rick’s hand went to Daryl’s cheek and they leaned their foreheads together.

“I—“ Daryl started but Rick cut him off with another kiss.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I wanted to do it first, but I couldn’t find the right time.”

“Me too.” Daryl replied. “Figured you almost dyin’ was as good a reason as any.”

Rick chuckled, leaning back a bit, thumb running over Daryl’s cheekbone.

That was how it was after that. They didn’t tell anyone, not Glenn, not Carol, not anybody. There were nights where they would sneak off to an abandoned cell or hallway and just take their time, take in every bit of each other.

One night was different. Rick still had Daryl pushed up against the wall, still inside of him as they came down, slowing their breathing.

“I love you,” Rick breathed out so quietly, Daryl wasn’t sure he’d heard it right. He just turned his head around his shoulder and kissed Rick sweet and soft. Rick’s eyes were a little wide, pride and ego slowly melting away.

“I love you,” Daryl said finally. Of course he did. He always had.

It was like that for a while; sneaking off to fuck after everyone went to sleep, spending guard shifts paying attention to their job, but also pausing to make out like teenagers or just talking about everything. It was bliss Daryl had never experienced in his life, and it was with his absolute best friend.

The day the prison got broken into, Daryl left with Beth and there was no sign of Rick anywhere.

He and Beth had been through some shit, Daryl had gotten drunk and acted like a total asshole, and Beth was nothing but understanding, even though he may not have deserved it. That night, they sat on the porch of the house they had found, having a heart to heart. Beth, even with her naive nature that made Daryl have hope but also made him a little bitter. He’d never had the option to be optimistic in his life, always on high alert.

“You wanna know what I was before all this?” Daryl asked softly. “I was no one. Nothin’.”

Beth looked sad for a moment, but nodded for him to keep going.

“Until I found Rick and the group.” He continued. He had never told anyone about him and Rick, never ever. But Beth was understanding, and as much as she talked or sang or whatever, he knew he could trust her. She and Maggie felt like the younger sisters he never had.

“Rick and I—“ he took a breath before he spilled all the things he had never told anyone. “We were together. We’ve always been close, always been his right hand. But at some point it was more than that.”

Beth grinned dreamily. “Do you love him?”

He nodded, a small smile on his face thinking about it. Everything was shit right now, but despite everything he’d said when he yelled at her earlier, he knew they had to find Rick and their family.

“We’ll find them again,” Beth reassured. “We’re going to.”

He had lost Beth. He was alone, until he found the Claimers. He missed Beth, he missed having someone he trusted and who kept him sane. These guys were brutal, they were guys he knew not to cross.

The night they had found the guy Joe was looking for, Daryl heard a voice and immediately knew who he was.

Daryl heard Joe threatening Rick, so he stepped out of the shadows.

“Joe!” he said, causing him to turn towards Daryl. “You gotta let these guys go. They’re good people.”

He made quick eye contact with Rick, careful not to give anything away but screaming on the inside because Rick looked both terrified and relieved to see him. Michonne looked angry, but also so fucking scared at the same time.

He argued with Joe, he really tried.

“Hey, you want blood. I get it.” Daryl put his crossbow down and held his arms out. “Take it from me, man.”

The blows started almost immediately. The other Claimers just started wailing on him as hard as they could. He was praying he didn’t crack a rib or get kicked in the face or fucking die.

Joe’s voice was barely audible to him, Daryl’s heart pounding in his ears. “First, we’re gonna beat Daryl to death, then we’re gonna have the girl. Then the boy. Then I’m gonna kill you.”

Daryl knew he had to get up, he had to fight back, he had to save them. He had seen a man drag Carl out of the car and throw him on the ground, holding him down and unbuckling his belt. Oh, fuck no.

He listened to Rick plead with Joe, pleaded with him to let his son go, just let him go.

A gunshot rang through the air. The men stopped beating Daryl, and he got up to fight. It was rough, and he saw Rick stagger against the noise, and when Rick seemed almost incapable of fighting any longer, he looked Joe in the eye.

“What are you gonna do now?” Joe taunted, before Rick bit down on his neck and tore out his jugular.

Daryl couldn’t believe what he just saw, Rick unhinged and willing to do anything to protect his own.

They killed the other men, left them in the road and rested until morning.

Rick was sitting on the ground, back against the car, still covered in blood. Daryl poured a little water on a rag and handed it to him.

“We should save that to drink.” Rick said.

“You can’t see yourself, he can.” Daryl nodded toward Carl in the car. Daryl sat down next to him while he cleaned his face. “I didn’t know what they were.” he said sadly.

“How’d you end up with them?”

Daryl looked down at his lap. “I was with Beth. We got out together. I was with her for a while.”

There was a pause of silence until Rick asked if she was dead. Daryl shook his head and said she was just gone. He told him how he ended up with the Claimers, how they were looking for some guy, how he’d almost left them, but didn’t.

“That’s when I saw it was you three, right when you saw me.” His voice was sad and low. “I didn’t know what they could do.”

“It’s not on you, Daryl.” Rick took his hand. “You bein’ back here with us now, that’s everything.”

This was the first bit of physical contact they’d had since the prison. Daryl finally felt warm, even with how much he hurt after being beaten half to death, Rick’s hand on his was everything he needed right now.

“I love you,” Rick said quietly. “Don’t you ever forget that.”

Daryl nodded, and gave his hand a squeeze. Rick said it, but Daryl could tell he was still shaken up.

“Hey, what you did last night; Anybody would’ve done that.” he said reassuringly.

“No, not that.” Rick replied. Now he looked like he was trying to hold himself together. Rick had gotten violent before, but it was always to protect someone. His family was in danger and he saved them. “It ain’t all of it, but that’s me.”

Daryl knew how sad he looked, but he couldn’t help it. “You’re a good man. You protect your own,” Daryl lowered his voice a bit. “You’re the person I fell in love with, no matter what you do.”

Rick leaned into him until his head was resting on Daryl’s shoulder. Daryl kissed the top of his head and squeezed his hand.

They made it through Terminus. They made it through Grady hospital. They had most of the group back.

They lost Beth.

Daryl barely spoke the entire time they walked towards Washington. His family was there for him, and gave him enough space at the same time. Now that they had more people, Rick was busy leading all of them. Daryl knew it wasn’t his fault, but they began to drift apart. Things were rough, until they found Alexandria. Rick became constable, and had been making friends --and enemies-- all over. Most people respected him, but Daryl felt so out of place.

Rick had spent two nights at Daryl’s house, making sure to not draw attention to themselves. They had sex that night, but it was different. Rick was there with him, of course, but it almost felt sad. Like it was the last time they would be like this. They fit together so well before, but after all this time apart and everything they went through, they were different people.

The next night, they didn’t even fuck. They physically slept together, but that was it. Daryl had been wanting to have this conversation for a while, but he obviously didn’t want to do it after sex.

“Are you good?” Daryl asked as they lay next to each other.

Rick had his elbow on the pillow and rested his face in his hand as he turned towards Daryl. “I’m good. Are you?”

Daryl shrugged. “Feels like things are different. With us.”

Rick nodded solemnly. “I’ve had a lot goin’ on. I’m sorry I haven’t made time for us.”

Daryl shook his head. “Don’t feel bad. You’re doing so much good for everyone.” Daryl sat up then, wrapping his arms around his knees. “I know you’ve been eyeing Jessie. I noticed it almost the moment we got here.”

Rick sat up and put his hand on his shoulder. “I would never, ever do anything to hurt you. Nothing has ever happened with her.”

“I know,” Daryl said sadly. “But I get it. I ain’t the last person on earth.”

“Daryl, I know there’s still people out there, but I made the choice to be with you, you’re not just some guy.” Rick said firmly, but Daryl heard his voice falter. “You’re not just some option.”

“I love you,” Daryl said quietly. “I’ve always loved you and I always will. But I don’t want to hold you back. I’ll always be here for you when you need me, I’ll always do anything for you.”

Rick’s voice cracked. “But?”

Daryl finally looked at him and took in the heartbreak on his face. “But I need to let you go. I want you to be happy, and I’m not what makes you happy anymore.”

Rick looked like the wind had been knocked out of him, but after a moment Daryl could tell he was done denying the truth.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I never wanted to make you feel like you weren’t important. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Daryl took Rick into his arms and kissed the top of his head. “At least stay tonight?”

“Of course,” Rick said. “Anything for you.”

It took a few weeks before Daryl’s heart stopped feeling like it was going to fall into his stomach every time he saw Rick. He knew Rick had kissed Jessie, and he knew that it never turned into anything more. He stayed on the edges of Rick’s life, trying to keep a little bit of distance so he didn’t die from pining after his lost love.

When they did end up going on a run together, it felt like old times. Not like nothing romantic had ever happened, but that comfort he felt whenever he was with Rick. He missed his best friend, and he was starting to be okay with that being all they were.

That’s when they met Jesus. Daryl was annoyed with him immediately, but he fought back this nagging feeling of attraction. He didn’t trust the guy, and he certainly didn’t want him around his home. But little by little, Jesus started to grow on him. Before Daryl knew it, they were working together a lot more, and they worked together well. He hadn’t felt this way ever; his feelings for Rick were completely different. Jesus was not only charismatic and caring, but he was out and proud. Daryl had had one sexual relationship with a man who was openly gay, before everything went to shit, but it was still before Daryl had come out. He pushed his feelings to the back of his mind, not wanting to think about what another heartbreak would do to him at this point.

The Hilltop was bustling with activity. Everyone was doing some sort of work; laundry or farming or building something. Daryl was making new arrows on the Barrington House porch, and Rick was beside him lacing his boots and waiting for Maggie to come by. She and Rick had some sort of business to discuss between the two communities.

“First nice day we’ve had in a while,” Rick said, pushing his curls out of his face. “You goin’ hunting before the party tonight?”

“Yeah, gonna try and bring back something big.” Daryl nodded. “I don’t know what you mean, though. ‘S fuckin’ hot.”

Rick laughed. “Maybe if you didn’t wear a leather vest everywhere.”

Daryl rolled his eyes and went back to his arrows. He eventually felt Rick nudge him, and when he looked up he saw Jesus and Maggie down the street walking towards them.

“Y’know, I think he likes you.” Rick said.

Daryl looked at him and scoffed. Rick was trying to wingman for him now, great.

Daryl looked back in Jesus’ direction. He did actually have a little bit of a crush on the guy; he was a good goddamn fighter, but still a gentle, caring person. He certainly wasn’t hard on the eyes, either.

“Hey,” Jesus greeted them as they walked onto the sidewalk.

“Rick, you ready?” Maggie asked.

Rick stood up and patted Daryl on the shoulder. “Ready. Hey, Jesus, you busy today?”

Jesus shrugged. “No, not really. Do you need something?”

“Yeah,” Rick said, the smile undeniable in his voice. Daryl knew exactly what was about to happen, fuck. “Daryl’s goin’ huntin’ today. Trying to have enough food for the party tonight and then some, couldn’t hurt to have an extra pair of hands.”

Jesus smiled. “Yeah, absolutely.”

Rick nodded and walked off the porch and off with Maggie.

“Bye, Daryl!” Maggie threw Daryl a smirk over her shoulder. This was a goddamn conspiracy, Daryl knew it.

“So, when were you planning on heading out?” Jesus asked.

Daryl cleared his throat and pushed his hair out of his face. “Probably twenty minutes? Gotta finish these arrows and then I’m ready.”

“Cool, I’ll grab my stuff and meet you back here?”

Daryl nodded. “Yeah, that works.”

Jesus walked toward his trailer and Daryl watched after him the whole way. Jesus definitely liked him as a friend at least, they had started staying closer to each other during missions, often opting to work together. They made a good team, and Rick definitely noticed, putting them together on jobs a lot more recently.

It had been a good hunt, Daryl and Jesus hauled back a deer and a few squirrels. When they were done there was about an hour before the party started. They started walking toward Barrington House so Daryl could get changed and Jesus and Maggie could catch up on the day.

“Y’know, I’m kind of excited for tonight.” Jesus said optimistically. “I never used to be the party type, but this feels more...I don’t know, comfortable, I guess.”

Daryl nodded. “Parties are different when they’re with family.”

“I don’t know, you seem like a total party animal.” Jesus nudged him and Daryl smirked back at him.

They walked into the house and said hi to Rick in the foyer.

Jesus started heading up the stairs and turned to Daryl. “I’ll find you at the party later.”

“See you then.” Daryl said back, and watched Jesus disappear into Maggie’s office.

“Hey, you’re gonna get drool on the floor if you don’t stop now,” Rick teased. Daryl snapped out of it and turned toward him.

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” Daryl huffed.

“Yeah, you do.” Rick smiled. “I know that look on you, Daryl. Remember?”

He shook his head and laughed under his breath. “Shut up, Grimes.”

The party was really, really nice. Everyone was gathered around a bonfire and there were tables of food setup all around. It was homey, and full of community. Daryl leaned against a tree and looked out over the crowd.

“Hey,” Jesus walked up to him then. He looked nice with his hair down as opposed to the bun he put it in when they were hunting. Even with the bun he looked good, which annoyed Daryl to no end. You couldn’t look that good all the time, it wasn’t fair.

“Hi,” Daryl replied. “How’s it goin’?”

“Pretty good, it was nice to shower after today. It really is too hot for that trenchcoat.” Jesus shook his head.

Daryl shrugged. “Could just get a vest.”

Jesus smiled. “Maybe. Yours does look pretty nice.”

“I bet it’d look nice on you,” Daryl smirked. “Too bad we’ll never know.”

“Harsh,” Jesus nudged him.

They joined the party once more, until the kids started to go to bed. The adults stuck around for a while, and everyone was still drinking and eating and having fun. After drinking a good amount of whiskey, Daryl and Jesus had a slight buzz going on. They were laughing together, maybe even flirting a bit, which Daryl didn’t normally know how to do, but with Jesus it was just easy.

Jesus turned to him at one point, and it was like everyone else fell away. He saw Jesus look at his lips, then look away quickly.

“Wanna go drink some more at my place?” he asked. Daryl would’ve been nervous, but the liquid courage helped with that. He was pretty sure he knew what this meant, why Jesus wanted to be alone with him.

“Yeah, I do.”

Back at the trailer, Jesus got two cups and poured some more whiskey for them. He handed Daryl a glass and took a sip of his own. They sat on the couch, Jesus sitting against the arm so he could face Daryl.

“That was pretty fun,” Jesus said. “Felt...normal.”

“Whatever that means,” Daryl sipped his drink. “But yeah, it was nice.”

“I’m glad you’re around more,” Jesus said after a few moments. “It’s really nice getting to see you.”

Daryl blushed and drank a good amount of his whiskey and put it on the table.

“I like bein’ around.” Daryl’s voice was low and gravelly, the alcohol relaxing him. “I like bein’ around you.”

Jesus was the one to blush now, but he seemed a little more confident. They were sitting closer together now, one of them could easily lean in to close the space. Jesus did, after a second of contemplating, and his lips were as soft as Daryl had imagined. Daryl pushed back a bit more, deepening the kiss, and one of his hands instinctively went to Jesus’ hip. Jesus put his hand on the back of Daryl’s neck, holding him there. Jesus pulled away first, putting his forehead against Daryl’s as they breathed each other in.

“Thank god,” Jesus laughed under his breath. “I wasn’t sure if that was going to go well.”

Daryl raised an eyebrow and narrowed his eyes at Jesus. What was that supposed to mean? Did he expect the kiss to be bad?

“No! I mean—“ he put his hand on Daryl’s cheek and looked sincerely into his eyes. “I wasn’t sure if you liked me back. I didn’t know if you’d want me to kiss you or if it was going to freak you out.”

Daryl couldn’t fight the small grin on his face. “I’m glad you did. I didn’t know if you wanted it.”

“Well, I’m glad we’re on the same page now.” Jesus smiled, and for the first time in a long time, Daryl felt like something was going right.

[grendelsmilf]

HI 🤍 I have. Questions 🤍 allow me to selfishly ask cause i love your mind. i was going to dm privately but i thought an ask would let you take your time and whatnot. Also I have a gist of some possible answers already but I still wanted to ask

1. Do you have favourite scents or perfume?

2. Do you have favourite myths or fairytales?

3. What themes and motifs interest you most in stories?

4. If you had to describe yourself with three fictional characters who would they be?

5. do you annotate books? also when you are curious about something in a book you’re reading do you pause and go on a research tangent or read on and do all that later?

Yeah okay have a great day 🫀

okay so the message came back even though it's still from your old deactivated blog? tumblr is so weird...

1. I know basically nothing about perfume or how to describe smells. that said, I will always like the smell of lavender, plants after rainfall, and the ocean (extremely basic of me i know).

2. I love the bacchae (by euripides). it’s so fucked up and violent. I like when signy in the volsunga saga was an absolute savage and a girlboss. I like fairytales about tricksters who survive by their wits, like the one about the tailor who deceives giants (“seven in one blow”). I like how many stories there are about a rabbit in the moon and why it’s there. i love pretty much any story about sir gawain. baba yaga's pretty dope. the golem of prague of course. and uhhh.... i'm sure there are others that just aren't coming to mind rn, but that's all i can think of off the top of my head.

3. i’m obsessed with metatextuality. i can make anything meta just watch me. in that same vein, I love stories about the transformative power of stories (for good and bad), and people who use stories as a tool for survival (great example of this is in the breadwinner, also 1001 nights). I love sparagmos (if that wasn’t clear from my previous answer). I love the power of the collective over the individual (again, for good and bad). i love doors/portals/liminal spaces. i love parallel universes/interdimensional travel/the multiverse. i love fraught relationships between mothers and daughters. i love when there is a sassy little talking black cat. i love cycles and rings and i love entropy and the absurd. i love when a character is really suicidal but they know they can't die because their loved ones need them and that gives them a larger purpose. i love the angel in the house trope, against my better judgment (sorry miss woolf). and above all, i love a really cool grandma.

4. woah.... three characters.... that’s hard... I think emily from the will arbery play heroes of the fourth turning is probably the character who has resonated with me most in recent memory (saw it in 2019). also obligated to give a shoutout to daria from daria who got me through middle school like wow she is literally me. wirt from over the garden wall resonated a lot with me back in 2014 and he still does. lear’s fool of course. both beth and jo march from little women. okay that’s more than three. I’ll stop now

5. it really depends on what im reading and how. I don’t like writing on physical copies of books, but I read a lot on my phone too and annotate them there. sometimes on physical copies I’ll take note of a certain page and then write some notes on my phone, or stick post it notes on the pages depending on what my purpose with the text is. it also just depends on my mood, how invested in a certain text I am, etc. I don’t have any sort of regimented reading habits, I just read...

[hoe4almondmilk]

Safety Net: Chapter 1

Present! Carol Denning/Reader

Hiiiiii, so I noticed the lack of Carol content and fics on here soooo I decided to write my own. I posted this on Archive of Our Own and i got such a great response! This is my first time writing an OITNB fanfic so please be nice! I’m also totally open to requests while I work on this story! I plan for this to be series so please enjoy!

This is such bullshit. I knew we were gonna have to pay the consequences for the riot but putting all of us in max? Some of us didn’t even participate in the actual rioting. Letting out a deep sigh, at least you didn’t get any added time, that’s all that matters. Of course prison wasn’t what you would call “fun” but by the looks of max, you could tell it was much worse than camp. 

After being in Ad Seg, you and a few other girls were finally getting moved to Gen Pop. C-block to be more specific. God, finally you’ll stop hearing Piper whine about Alex so much now. You felt for her but shit you were all going through it not just her. You didn’t even really understand why you were in Ad Seg and getting questioned. You mostly kept to yourself during the riot. 

“Welcome to your new home, Inmates.” the ginger guard announced to you all as she began to uncuff you. 

“Bitch, we missed you!” you heard an inmate yell. 

You looked over and saw a group of girls clad in navy blue scrubs running over to Badison. Blowing up that bitch’s ego like a fuckin balloon. You rolled your eyes and looked down at the bag you were holding close to your chest.

“Hey, you three, meet your new family,” Badison said to you, Piper and Blanca. “These C-block bitches will either save your life, or make you want to die. Your choice.” you gulped, social anxiety was probably one of the worst things to have in prison. 

After Badison introduced Piper and Blanca it was your turn. “And this is-“ she paused for a moment. “I actually don’t think I’ve met you yet. What’s your name again?” she asked. You weren’t sure if she actually wanted you to answer her question or not. 

You took your chances, answering her question. “It's (L/N)...” you said meekly, grasping your bag even tighter making your knuckles turn white.

Badison brayed with laughter, “Are you scared?” 

“N-no.” shit, really? 

“I think I’m going to call you Mouse, Mouse.” she smirked. “Not only because you look like one but you already seem like a fucking pussy.”

And you’re a cunt, you retorted in your head. Great now that she pointed out the obvious you were for sure going to get shit from everyone for this. 

“Flores, you are in C-203, Chapman C107. Hoefler, You’re in C-210 now.” The ginger guard announced reading from her clipboard 

Wait what about me? you thought. Are you not supposed to be in here? You panicked.

“Excuse me I didn’t-“ 

“Aw. I don’t get to be roomies with the baby killer no more?” Badison interrupted with an annoying baby voice. “I’m going to miss you, scary mommy.” you watched as she belittled Hoefler or as some of the others called her “Beth The Baby Killer”.

“Don’t do that baby voice, you know I hate it.” said a stern icy voice.

You looked over and saw a woman with a hollow face, big round glasses, and an outdated 80s hairdo. She stood there with a red lollipop in her hand. Her eyes gleamed mean.

Badison was suddenly quiet except for the big gulp she let out. Was Badison actually scared of someone? “Sorry, Carol.” she replied slowly making her presence less known.

Carol glared at her while slowly putting the lollipop back in her mouth slowly, beginning to walk away. 

Why was she so scared of her? I mean she looks mean but Badison didn’t seem like she was scared of anything. you thought to yourself curiously raising a brow. Oh shit. What room am I in? you snapped back to reality.

 “Wait you forgot me! I didn’t get a bunk.” you scurried over to the guard before she closed the gate. 

She rolled her eyes looking back down to her clipboard. “(L/N), you’re in C-206, with Denning, Good luck.” she said as she locked the barred gate closed.

Who the hell is Denning? you slowly turned around and met eyes with her. Oh shit, that’s Denning. Carol. Carol fucking Denning.  

She stared at you for a good few seconds, looking you up and down, her eyes scanning you. If you weren’t so dehydrated from being in Ad Seg for so long you’d probably piss yourself. Now you understood why Badison was scared of her. 

“Follow me.” she said. 

You nodded not giving it a second thought. You hurried behind her. She was not someone to keep waiting. Once you got to the bunk you stood in the doorway, waiting for her next command. 

“Top bed is yours. I like my room clean and my roommates quiet.” 

You could feel your body shake with nerves as you slowly placed your bag on the top bed. Carol sat down on bed, beginning to lay back as she opened a magazine that had a husky buff man on the cover.

Gross. She was one of those women. 

“So how long hav-“

“Shut the hell up and get out.” 

“But I-“ 

“Do I need to repeat myself? Get the fuck out.” Carol barked. 

Not even staying long enough to apologize you ran out. You felt your heart pounding and your chest tightening up. You were having a full blown panic attack. You hid behind one of the walls. You could feel tears falling out of your eyes. 

Stop crying. Stop it! wiping the tears with the back of your hand. 

“Aw, the little mouse is crying.” a very familiar and annoying voice said mocking you. You looked up meeting eyes with Badison. She had that smug smile on her face. “Carol’s last roomie only lasted a week. Let’s see how long you last, Mouse.” she patted your cheek,  laughing as she walked past you.

You wiped the rest of your tears away and took a deep breath in. Challenge accepted. They weren’t going to break you. Not this soon. 

Chapter 2 here

[woahitslucyylu]

NSFW Alphabet - Rio.

GIF is not mine, credit to OG creator. 

He felt left out, so I made him one too! Everyone’s favorite money launderer is here with allllll his dirty secrets. Enjoy, frands! 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NSFW Alphabet A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Rio lives to take care of you. You hold him down and after sex, he’s just as gentle and compassionate. He will wrap you in his arms and remind you all the reasons that his success is yours too. A warm shower and a cold drink await you after most sessions complete with take out from your favorite restaurant. 

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Rio loves his lips/smile. He knows a simple smirk can make you melt into a puddle. He isn’t above using it to manipulate you in the best ways. A slow lick of the lips, a smug smile, or a soft kiss can buy him a few hours if he has fallen out of your good graces. 

He loves your hips and ass. Your curvy frame fits so perfectly with his slender muscular self. He loves to feel you soft against him in bed as he runs his hands over your curves - leaving your skin electrified under his touch. He loves the dip from your back to the top of your ass, the perfect place for his hands in all situations. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum)

Inside or in your mouth - he finds your willingness to accept him in the most intimate ways erotic. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Rio loves to make movies. His favorite angle is when you’re on the bed, back arched, and ass pressed against him and he makes you fuck yourself as he watches himself disappear inside you. 

“Keep going, mama. I didn’t say stop.” The erotic sound of skin against skin filled the room as you rolled your hips against him, moans slipping through your mouth. “You’re such a good girl. Look at how you take me.” Your praise kink is on overdrive as you come apart beneath him - another Oscar worthy performance. 

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

His list isn't long, but he knows what he is doing. Always the gentleman, you come first, second, and third - he will leave your body sore and sleepy with his expert skills. 

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

Rio loves you from behind - he loves watching your ass bounce as he pushes into the mattress. He lives for you on top too. When you just can’t wait any longer, and you take control. He lays back willingly, puts his hand behind his head, and watches you sink onto him - the stretch makes you bite your lip and lean forward. He will pull you close - holding your throat with ever so much pressure and thrust into you - leaving you panting and begging. 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Sarcasm, mild degradation, and dry humor are Rio’s calling cards and they don’t disappear in the bedroom. He will make you drip with his words, and chastise you for being so needy. As you grind against his jean-covered thigh, begging for more, he will reprimand you for making a mess - heat running through your body as he slides his fingers over you, feeling just how wet you really are. 

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Appearances are important, so he leaves nothing to be desired. He’s neat. 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Rio spends his days playing a role and with you, the doors open and his real self tumbles out. He presses his forehead to yours and whispers sweet nothings as you greet him from his work day. He is content to watch you play Iron Chef in the kitchen as you talk about your days together. He finds the most comfort in breaking down the walls and letting you - physically and emotionally. 

J = Jack/Jill Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Rio may rub one out, because work has kept him away from you. The movies you create make it easy to remember how good you feel. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Needy, begging - Rio gets off on knowing you need him. It’s borderline codependent shit, but he loves it. When you pout around the house, your shirt tight and in just your panties, huffing and puffing while you wait for him to finish working is one of his favorite things. He knows you’re a brat, and he indulges in your tantrums, edging you until you slide into his lap, palming him through his pants and whisper how much you want him in your ear. 

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Rio moves in the shadows, so it only makes sense that he fucks in them too. Late nights at the warehouse have you laid across the table as he fucks you - erotic noises echoing through the empty room or you slide into the backseat of the wagon, sinking onto him as Mick waits dutifully outside as you chase your release. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Rio lives to provide for you, so being able to fulfill every request - sexual or otherwise - is his motivation. When the bills are paid, you have more than enough money in your account, and you can’t walk from countless orgasms, that’s when he feels most successful. When you came into his life, success suddenly meant something different and taking care of you in every aspect is his reason. 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Rio is illusive, so threesomes are out of the question. He is invisible, and you’re really the only woman he needs. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

You’re a brat and Rio tames you on your knees as he fucks your throat relentlessly. He gazes at you through half-hooded eyes, watching you gag as you open your mouth wider for him. “Mama, just like that.” His hands thread through your hair, pulling the strands so rough that you moan against him - sending shivers through his body. “See, you can listen, can’t you?” 

On the flip side, Rio loves to eat you. He enjoys the feel of your full thighs around his face as you rock back and forth. You were so apprehensive at first, but he reassured you, “Darlin’, if I die underneath you, it will be the happiest moment of my life.” The feeling of power, yet subtle submissiveness in the act of you riding his face is a powerful aphrodisiac. 

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

When he’s punishing you, he holds nothing back. You will feel every inch of him as he pushes you into the mattress or pulls you against him. Your skin will be marked and bruised, your ass sore from spanking - he will remind you he’s the boss. Yet, he has such gentleness when he’s reallllllly making love to you. His hands sliding over your breasts - just barely touching you as he kisses right beneath your ear, nipping and sucking as you moan beneath him. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

With Rio’s odd hours, sometimes a quickie is all you have and you will gladly take it any way you can. Sneaking away on lunch breaks is your MO and getting fucked raw in the parking lot by your crime boss boyfriend helps pass the rest of the day with ease. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Rio’s whole life is a risk, so it only makes sense that he takes calculated ones on with you. 

“When will they be here?” Your voice was soft in the dark car. “Not too much longer.” Rio threaded his fingers through yours - his thumb rubbing your hand reflexively. “Not too much longer, huh?” You inquired as you slid your hand over his jeans - feeling him grow hard underneath your touch. Your hands worked expertly to slide him out of his jeans - your mouth watering as you slid your tongue around his length. “Mami, now?” His dark eyes filled with lust as he watched your cheeks hollow - taking more in each time your head bobbed. Rio’s head laid back as you choked against his length, sliding your flat tongue, feeling each ridge. “Mama. Fuck.” His fingers pulled your hair - his tightening grasp directed your efforts as you felt him come undone - your throat filling with him. 

Sitting up, you wiped your mouth - a coy smirk breaking over your face as you realized Beth had been watching from the swing the whole time. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Rio can push you to your limits and he always makes sure you come first. You are more than accommodating and he spends his time worshipping you. 

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Rio is not a conventional lover, and he will gladly tie your hands - teasing you with the lack of touch while he stares down at you. “Oh mama, what do you want?” His voice rough into your ear as he rocks against your hips - his fingers expertly rubbing your clit as you struggle against the binds. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Rio knows how responsive you are and loves to leave you wanting more. A dirty whisper in your ear as you wait to be seated at dinner, his hand resting right above your ass, his beard rubbing against your neck will leave you asking for the check before you’re even finished with the meal. 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Rio isn’t loud, but he talks. 

“Look at you take this dick, mama.” 

“You’re such a good girl.” 

“Darlin, I didn’t say you could come.” 

“Take it. You asked for it.” 

“How could you think you could move my pussy?” 

“Fuck yourself till you come.” 

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Rio is a sucker for cheesy romance - rose petals on the floor, candles lit, a bubble bath in a heart shaped tub - he loves it all. The weekend spent in Vegas felt like a rom com, but watching your man be intentional with his choices and his time makes your panties wet. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

He may be skinny, but his dick isn’t. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Rio is a busy man and compartmentalizes most of his feelings, including his sex drive. He misses you constantly, but money ain’t going to wash itself, so he keeps his shit together. 

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Rio keeps odd hours, so he does fall asleep after, but it’s without guilt, because you’re snuggled right there with him. 

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

(sees another fandom that I can ask you about and cheers) Orphan Black! Thoughts? I don't know Dr Who but Tatiana is one of my favorite actors period.

Anon you are so sweet! I'm always happy to chat about fandoms and characters and whatnot, and I will never not appreciate the majesty of Tatiana's acting. That is one of the greatest parts of the show hands down.

Orphan Black, to me, is a show that had incredible potential, but didn't really live up to the excitement it created. (Loooong post ahead.)

The thing is, Orphan Black builds a chilling mystery and background, the world it gradually creates as it goes for about the first two seasons, got be very invested and made me wonder a lot about where it was going to go and what the answers were. The setup is brilliant, right from the start with that iconic cold open of Beth's suicide. The unknown is what really helped this show get as thrilling as it was, because the actual answers behind the unknown were kind of hit and miss, and it seemed like far too often, the show just wasn't interested in telling it's story. Hijinks where the clones impersonate each other in slice of life events? That's fun at first and it really works well as they're still getting to know each other. But after a while, it gets tedious, and it seems like the show would rather fuck around and have dance parties (seriously, that scene was such a #BigLippedAlligatorMoment) than focus on the story and the threat that the sisters are facing. Virtually all of Allison's plotlines are like this, they feel like they belong in a different show, and for some reason the writers insisted on giving her one of these storylines like, every season. After Allison passively murders her own friend out of suspecting that she's spying on her, I just don't feel like an arc about her running for some PTA office position even matters. It doesn't feel right.

Speaking of that, here's another example: Donnie. Why did the end of the first season suggest that he was this secret mastermind working for Leekie? The whole idea just deflates in Season 2 and doesn't really go anywhere. He just goes back to being the bumbling sweetheart he was before. Why even have him be the spy? Maybe it should have been Ainsley. Do you want to know the exact moment that I think Orphan Black went wrong? Like, the specific scene? When Leekie was killed off. The character who had thus far been the Big Bad, gets taken out in the stupidest possible way, a literal accident on Donnie's part, and it's even played for laughs. After that point, the show really struggled to regain it's footing, though I don't think it completely went off the rails until about Season 4, and it was still generally hit or miss. Like, some stuff was really good. The introduction of the Castor clones, the development of Rachel's character (I'll get to her, trust me.) and the reveal of Kendall Malone. But it seemed like so much else was just forgotten or otherwise not resolved. Whatever happened to Cal? Sure, the show wanted to focus on the sisters...but Kira deserves to know her father if she wants to. That's just one example. It's a crying shame because this show is sometimes incredible. The metaphor that I always use for situations like this, is a card game. The show has all the right cards in its hand, they're just not being played.

The two strongest characters, at least to me, were Rachel and Helena. One of these characters was superbly written and went through a devastating arc. The other was Helena. We need to talk about her. In Season 1, she really cemented herself as a memorable presence with her trademark accent, her scars, her whole damn personality (again, hats off to Tatiana) and of course, that iconic screechy theme music that accompanied her. Which at first made us jump, but eventually made us cheer. I adored Helena, and I loved the development of her relationship with Sarah. Who went from shooting her in Season 1, to being deadset on rescuring her in Season 3, being furious with Siobhan for betraying her. (This is unrelated but Siobhan has the same " twist villain fakeout" at the end of Season 1 that Donnie does, and it's quite frustrating.) And yet, I swear, the writers just didn't know what to do with Helena half the time. They put her on a bus for long stretches, including one point where she just up and leaves Allison's house in Season 4, for no given reason. And the characters just kind of...don't care. The same thing happens when she gets arrested. No one cares to try and find Helena, even though she's unstable and often a danger to those around her. Even though she's by herself with no real ability to function in society. Even though she's pregnant. There is no excuse for this, and no Sarah, that "I'm sorry, I avoided you" scene in Season 5 is not going to cut it. It's such an afterthought.

I'm being rather critical, but I hope you can tell that this is from a point of passion. I genuinely enjoyed this show and getting to watch it. Just that sometimes it didn't feel like the show cared that I was watching. However, this was not true whenever Rachel was onscreen. Look, I'm a Merula Snyde stan, so you can probably already guess how I feel about Rachel. Despite her crimes, despite her constant slipping back the dark side, I felt so bad for Rachel at the end of it all. That scene with Kira really sums it up. "Who hurt you?" "All of them." And no scene is more intense than when she stabs out the eye cam. Like, I'm sorry, I pitied Rachel pretty much from Season 2 on. Her parents were horrible to her, and I'm supposed to think Ethan is the good guy here? He kills himself in front of his own daughter, telling her that she doesn't deserve him. And then Sarah shoots a pencil through her eye, causing brain damage and requiring a long recovery. I'm not saying that Sarah was wrong to do what she did, just that if I were in her shoes, I'd still feel a degree of guilt for Rachel's condition. In the end, I'm devastated that she was barred from Clone Club, when she made the right decision at the point it mattered. But there's just too much history there, and Sarah won't ever forgive her. (Though again, I do feel as though there's blame to share.) Rachel is my favorite character and I never expected her to be. But she's just so complex. Side note: "Enjoy your oophorectomy" is so damn quotable. I don't know why but I love that line.

So, Rachel's my favorite. Who's my least favorite? It might surprise you. It's Delphine. I'm sorry, but I just...I couldn't get on board with C*phine. Not after Season 3. I was waiting for the point that the show would push to finally redeem Delphine for her turncoat role, for all of the hell that she put Cosima through. By Season 5 though? I realized that as far as the writers were concerned? She already was redeemed. Even though she did nothing to earn it, except be presumed dead by Cosima. The way she treats Cosima in Season 3 is actually disgusting. Her reasoning for breaking up with Cosima is circular. She has to love "all the clones" in order to be with Cosima, and the way to do that is to take over Rachel's job, which means they can't date anymore? I'm not the only one who thought that didn't make sense, right? Oh and let's talk about how she stalks Cosima's date, breaks into her house, and threatens her life. Red. Flags. Cosima even says the line, "If you're not going to be with me, just let me go." I'm sorry, that should not be something she has to beg for. Delphine's behavior made me want her to stay far, far away from Cosima. Who is, incidentally, a sweetie and I absolutely adore her. I legit have trouble remembering that Tatiana's playing her because she just looks and acts so different. That said, even though I immensely disliked Delphine, I am so very glad that they made one of the clones gay. Just like I'm glad that they made one of them trans. (Though...Tony wasn't handled especially well.)

In general, I do think the earlier seasons were stronger. The Brightborn arc, while interesting, didn't really contribute much to the overarching narrative. We got the backstory on Beth's suicide and finally learned the truth about her, I suppose. Still, even though Beth is one of my favorite of the clones, and I never expected her to be either...I feel like the actual reason given for why she took her own life was rather illogical. She apparently did it because the investigation was putting the clones in danger of another Helsinki. Okay, but just because Evie Cho says you should off yourself, doesn't mean you have to. You could just, like...stop investigating. And if you die under mysterious circumstances without explaining anything to the sisters, they're not going to be put off from the investigation. They're going to look into this even more, because they don't know why they're not supposed to. The reveal that she and Art fell in love toward the end adds an extra gut punch, but it also doesn't make sense because wouldn't Art have referenced it during the period that he thought Sarah was Beth? On the other hand, Season 4 also introduced MK. And I have such a soft spot for her. I adore that sheep-masked sweetie. Everyone always asks "Which clone would you date" (because fandoms can think of nothing else I guess) and I never see anyone give any love to MK. Her death absolutely tore me apart. I am glad Siobhan avenged her even if she went down at the same time. Side note, her last word being the affectionate "Chickens..." Broke me.

Season 5 was a strange beast. In general, it seemed like we were finally getting some answers to the questions that were hanging over us. Exploring the deep mythos. But then they kind of turned it around and made it just be a Wizard of Oz style fraud twist. Westmoreland isn't really inhumanly old, he's a charlatan. I don't know why that was necessary in a science fictional show. I've seen the interviews and I get what they were going for, it just feels like it would have been cooler and far creepier if he was actually that old. The puppet master pulling the strings the whole time. We also finally get some answers for Kira's superhuman healing abilities (though we never learn how she's telepathically connected to the clones) and I'm loving it, but the trouble is, it's inconsistent. Ethan "Why is this guy so popular, he's an asshole" Duncan told Rachel specifically that Sarah being able to have children was a fluke, that the clones were "barren by design." I don't know, the whole concept of Revival and of the "magical island" was really foreboding and tied in with the earlier references to The Island of Doctor Moreau. Especially that song about "Revival's Children" just...the shudders, man. But just having it be a regular old scam is...a letdown. I know it may be more realistic, but I don't always need realism in my scifi. The finale is interesting, in that it's mostly an epilogue. I'm glad the clones (sans Rachel) got to live happily ever after, but there are two gut punches right at the end that are total nitpicks but they bother me. Helena naming her kids after Art and Donnie? And writing a memoir that she names "Orphan Black?" Those two tropes can go die in a hole. They can enjoy an oophorectomy, because I'm so sick of them.

The potential of Orphan Black was practically infinite. The results of Orphan Black fell frustratingly short.