#also doesnt make it much better when she talks shit about her sister and makes her out to be evil when like????

[rottingcompost]

the fact that at this point i dont even feel depressed or scared or anxious whenever i get reminded of my abuser and i instead get angry and start thinking and sometimes even saying the most venomous shit about her and wishing death on her. shes not really in my life much at all anymore but it still pisses me off and i still have to see her occassionally and at this point i feel like next time she tries to come to my apartment i wont even let her in and tell her to play in traffic or something.

[anarchyatthesupermarket]

HI i am having Thoughts about your necromancy au and i need to talk about it. i was trying to convince my sister to read it so that i could have someone to talk to about it. but then i realised. yknow who definitly also has Thoughts about YOUR necromancy au? you. feel free to delete this ask i just wanted to ramble(about the later chapters specifically)

Call this my toxic trait buttt I dont think Rae did anything wrong in raising his mom from the dead. LIKE why the fuck shouldnt he?? His mom(and grandpas) didnt deserve to die, why the fuck should he let them, when he HAS the power to bring them back?? like??? Also not Momboo being a massive bitch telling Isla her son deserved to die. LIKE GIRL. i know you have issues but that is NOT how you talk to a grieving mother. ABSOLUTELY DESPICABALE behaviour. ALSO im pissed off at Fenris, Caspian and Aax. Like not them confirming Rae's worst fears when he actually tells them about Momboo and sends HIM away. and blah blah blah its their magic reacting badly but they dont even TRY to sympathise with him. Als.o like Fenris you are literally dating another necromancer. You cannot give Rae shit for being a necromancer without then applying that to your BOYFRIEND???

ALSO funny how when Rae raised HIMSELF from the dead, taht didn't trigger their magic or whtv, but when he was revived by Momboo it DID. 🤔🤔🤔🤔 (I dont think this will go anywhere but. thats beside the point.) Actually wait no maybe im onto somethign here. Maybe its because momboo fucked him up while reviving him!! maybe she did this on purpose!!! wait no i think im wrong. whateverrrr im being silly 😋

i cant wait to see how other characters react to Rae's new situation. I think(hope) that Athena and Jamie will still eb on his side.... actually maybe not. But i will hope.

At least Rae has Isla, even though everyone thikns hes a monster(THE EPIC PARALLELS ARE REAL) at least his plan didnt fail and his mom;s alive. slight consolation.

If i was Isla i would be HOSTILE to the afformentioned people (Fen,cas,aax momboo) if the situation gets resovled and doesnt end with Rae's eternal death. Hell id be hostile the entire fucking time. I want to see ISla kick someones shit for Rae because how DARE they call her son a monster for saving HER. do you think that would cause her guilt though? since she kinda maybe sorta ruined her sons life? that he ruined his own life to bring her back?

OKAAY ANYWAY thats most of my thoughts. can you tell that Rae is my favourite character no matter the universe? Can you also tell how unwell i am about this au? i think about it..frequently.... again feel free to delete this i just needed to share my thoughts ad feelings with SOMEONE

I also have so many thoughts about my necromancy au, it's just rotating in the back of my brain 24/7. I'm really hoping this all makes sense.

I agree with you, there's very little reason that Rae shouldn't bring his family back and Momboo's reaction (while coming from a place of trauma and fear) was unreasonable. However, I raise this to you, Rae is dead, he can not age or die. At this moment with how it stands he is going to watch Isla grow old and die, if he brings Raemond and Everett back the same thing will happen. He brought Isla back and he's going to loose her again and why would he be any better at processing his grief. Necromancy can not stop old age.

As for what happened with Momboo bringing Rae back and then Aax/Fenris's magic reacting badly to that, I have so many thoughts about it bc it's also how I imagine magic working in this au. I'm going to try to make this make sense.

I imagine that everyone's magic inside them is like a well, you can take water out of it (to perform magic) and more water will flow in to replace that lost water. You can deepen the well to increase how much water can be taken out of it without it running dry (strengthening your magic) however, if you try to deepen the well too quickly then parts of it might cave in (think exercising without warming up leads to hurting yourself, you try to perform too much magic that you're not ready for and you get weaker because you pushed yourself too far). The thing is is that you don't want your well to collapse or run dry. Rae bringing back Isla caused both to happen. When Momboo brought him back she just refilled his well with water so he could rebuild his well (bring himself back to life because Rae relies completely on his magic to live, other people can survive their well of magic being emptied but he can't). Because of that there was life magic in a well meant for necromancy, it was like dumping a bucket of muddy water into a mountain spring, and it will take days for Rae's magic to replenish and wash out the life magic. Fenris and Aax sensed the life magic in him (magic that wasn't supposed to be there, magic that was wrong for who Rae is) and it set alarms bell off in their heads because that's Rae's body but that's not Rae's magic that's reanimated his corpse. That's what Len's magic and reanimating the hordes felt like, that was a necromancer's magic filling bodies not meant for that form of magic.

The same thing didn't happen when Isla or Centross were brought back because they are both necromancers and so is Rae. That is necromancy magic filling wells meant for necromancy. I don't think Momboo felt as much "wrongness" with bringing Caspian back either because of a combination of Caspian not having magic and Momboo being a life witch.

Rae being called not human is a correct statement because he's dead, he's a corpse that's walking around. He's an abomination/unnatural because he's "living" off of magic that is nothing like his own.

Rae is an abomination, he is a monster. He is both Len (the traitor, the monster, the original sin) and the hordes (the horror, the grief, the terror) that marched on cities. He is a reanimated corpse with the singular goal of bringing his family back no matter the cost.

This is not because of what type of necromancer he is (because there are types, I just haven't been able to talk about them yet), he brought Centross and Isla back with both of their desires being completely separate from his own. He has no control over them. His situation is a bit more like Len and the horde which Len has/had complete and utter control over. Rae didn't have enough magic to bring himself back to life completely (hence the no heartbeat/breathing/just being alive) but he did have enough magic to bring himself back as one of the "mindless undead" which have singular goals according to the necromancer who raised them, his goal being bringing his family back. He's not being rushed into doing that/given the illusion of free will because his "soul" inhabits his body since it was reanimated. Think of it like Rae's soul/ghost is possessing his body, if that helps, but ghosts usually are formed with some goal in mind like revenge, in Rae's case that goal is simply bringing his family back.

Anyways, I could keep talking about this but I feel like I'm making less and less sense as I go on. I'm always happy to answer asks about this series bc I am unwell about it. I hope this made sense and I'm glad you're enjoying the series!!

[rrat-king]

walk with me bird,,, thinking about kristen's lack of self preservation especially in sophmore year- she does crazy shit again and again and it is funny but like. when you actually look at it, its like this elaborate performance. so much going on in kristen's brain, losing her family, (we know she's clearly still thinking about it with the start of sy being her returning to her brothers) losing her religion and then recreating it and still feeling lost.

all her life being full and told that this is the thing- that will protect you as long as you are good so kristen is good and then realizes oh. i was meant for something terrible actually, my church who vowed to protect me is actually trying to make me a hellmouth. like oh. great well i dont feel safe in that anymore, im always arguing with my parents because even they are still polluted with their religion but she lets it go she tries to find something else. and then she ends fy with her new religion and immediately doesnt like it, over the summer it still doesnt click and she changes it again, she puts her faith or even lack of it at the forefront as she does these insane choices, like a leap of faith. like oh someone has got to save me if i do this- surely someone will. (also pushing my agenda of kristen's faith eventually forming into believing in her friends bc they are the ones who always save her not the gods even though i do love cass)

like ally talking about chaos not being cute anymore really makes me think of all this- because it's like kristen being like oh well if it goes wrong than at least it's some sort of relief from this pressure of being something and at least im not plagued with thinking about not being good enough for my own parents. like her being so not aggressive but trying to counter sandralynn too- like not wanting to view her as a parental figure but as a person. kristen like almost tries to parent her in a way which sounds weird but its very like she can't turn it off in her head because she's been raised with expectation so she does feel on the same level as adults when in reality she is not but kristen believes like oh i can solve this here maybe u shouldnt be doing this thing in her relationship. i think part of it is kristen not wanting to see a parent become better and then have to wonder why her's didn't. like was she not enough for them to want to me better. it's so complex i adore kristen's character and it kinda surprises me how often she becomes very 2d in the fandom but alas, many thoughts about her

i am absolutely walking with you. i love what your talking about with her dynamic with sandra lynn (which. i will always be crazy about her and sandra lynn they are just both so intersting in thier relationships) but yeah it makes a lot of sense that she doesn't know how to properly interact with her if you think about the amount of pressure she has been given to be a spiritual leader through church or if you hc her as a parentified older sister to her little brothers (which i do personally) so she's not thinking about her interaction with sandra lynn as like, a regular adult cuz she hasn't really had those interactions before, especially when it comes to an adult not trusting her.

and i think that's why she just feels so insane in sophmore year, jsut like, she's going from something super rigid to something where it feels like she can do anything and that's fucking scary. like she has a place to stay but she doesn't really have any parents to answer to, she has a god but she has so much doubt it doesn't feel reliable, all she really has as stability is her friends and her girlfriend, and i feel like she is just incredibly reckless cuz like, she's doing better but its almost like she has nothing to lose? but she does. and she did, and i think that was what beardsley was saying about the chaos not being cute anymore, like kristen was acting like she was invinvible at times and that not only got her hurt, but also those around her, and im excited to see how she grows from that.

[paramountpetrichor]

hate that i cant send asks on my side blog-

but hi! im void! and im absolutely Obsessed with ur art and the ships u talk about and- and-

*clears throat and tents hands together calmly* im here to lose my mind a bit :3

some Rambles of a few ships that i just. love a lot OTL

obviously love eclipse/earth. theyre just. its perfect! eclipse Really needs someone to pamper and take care of him sweetly but also Not tolerate his bullshit while also being gentle. his main drive is getting the reaction he wants, so wut if he doesnt get it? well then he has to find other ways to make ppl react how he wants and earth shows him how to get that satisfaction while not hurting ppl! its really easy to get a quick reaction out of ppl when u just give em a quick kiss. a small peck or two. like a small harmless prank! and she cheers him on as he (consensually) kisses the entire family. ofc he kisses her too. earth is the big sister that hes always needed and DAMNIT is she gonna help him get better <3

another earth ship but... solar/earth. AGAIN. SOOO MUCH POTENTIAL!! THEYRE SO CLOSE AND BONDED AND SO FUCKING FLUFFY!!!!!! im surprised how little ppl talk about solar/earth despite HOW FUCKING GOOD AND EASY ITD BE TO SHIP THEM. they were gonna make lil stuffies with each other and she was gonna make a bunny and he was gonna make a snake and theyd be friends!!!!! GGAAAAAAHHHHHH OTL and dont even get me STARTED on how she cried and said "i wanted to ask if he wanted to be my brother" FUCK DUUUUDDDEE

okayokayokay.. moving on...... i think we all know of moon/eclipse. literally the tension between them HURTS to witness. "want me to get on my knees back there sweetie?" "want me to bark for u?" "kiss my boot while ur at it" LIKE????? ECLIPSE STFU STOP BEING GAY!!!!!!!!! i can just imagine HOW MUCH that flusters moon and he tries SO HARD to hide it but. its *so* obvious. ALSO the added bonus of the whole enemies to lovers thing??? also wut u talked about earlier in ur own post about how their relationship would slowly develop is SO GOOOOODDDDD

sun/moon.... always the classic. the otp of them all. can never escape them. something i wanted to ask YOU was how do u think moon/sun realized they were attracted to the other?? i bet itd be something like super small like the other doing something silly and them just going "oh *shit*" AND I AGREE that theyd be SOOOO TOUCHY!!!! hugs and kisses and cuddles and hand holding ALL THE DAMN TIME!!! u can NOT EVER separate them! they r a packaged deal!!!!

im a HUGE sun/eclipse shipper tho i usually dont imagine them as being incestuous but... its fun to consider 👀 he gets redeemed and added back into the family and UH OH- he has feelings for the sun :] wut will he ever do!!!! (obviously kiss him. clearly the only correct answer) BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS i think itd be a Really Good slow burn between the 2. i feel like eclipse would be Super ashamed of himself for having a Crush on his Brother of all ppl!! but.... it wouldnt hurt too much, would it? i feel like in general the family would already be a big mess of polyamory but eclipse doesnt Know for a while. they THOUGHT it was obvious that like- its normal for them to kiss each other. but he didnt know!!! so hes like. super fucking shocked to maybe like one day walk in on a pair of them kissing the other (i say sun n moon :3c) and being super fucking confused and conflicted like. THIS IS A THING?? THIS IS NORMAL FOR THEM???? honest to god i wanna write this as a silly oneshot maybe- but dw! bc in the end sun and eclipse DO KISS!!!! THEY GET TO BE GAY IN THE END!!

this is getting so fucking long and im so sorry so ill limit myself to only ONE more ship- solar/jack. on my main i say "oh no it isnt incest i just like creator/creation" but... we all know y we're here/silly TJERES SO MUCH POTENTIALL!!! jack/everyone is great but i ESPECIALLY love solar/jack bc jack Really needs the gentle guiding hand of a parent to help him understand the world better. sweet baby boy needs a bit of help understanding things. but dont worry! solar is here to help!!

also just in general. lunar is a little shit. he goes after Everyone. no one is safe from him. there is no escape from the wrath that is lunars affection :3c

i would ramble more but this has gotten So Fucking Long and its like 1am and im not even gonna go back and spellcheck/edit this so im just sending it and hoping it makes sense :'3

HOPE U HAVE A GOOD DAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!

rubs my grimy little hands together. ive been WAITING for time to answer this big boy ask and now I've got it muahahaha

well actually first off, ADHDKAFAJSGA THANK YOUUU 🥺🥺 <3 the whole ass reason i create things is bc i like seeing people's reactions to what my silly little mind cooks up, so knowing you like my gay kissy robots simply makes me wanna create More >:3 and yes please feel free to lose your mind in my inbox any time, any hour /gen

YAYAYAYA ECLIPSEARTH YAYAYAYAYA!!! god you're so right, they are Objectively good together and i Can't be convinced otherwise. Earth won't take Eclipse's bs, but she also won't go about calling him out on it in a mean way. she politely asks why he's Like That, what she can do to help, and then she just has to stand there Confused when Eclipse runs away cause his ass is NOT used to genuine sincerity and his mechanical heart starts beating out of his chest at even the slightest sign of it!!! also just ascended to the heavens over the thought of Eclipse kissing Earth for the first time (cause i feel like Earth would initiate all the kisses at first :3c) and Earth just explodes into giggles and stims. Eclipse is even more flustered- he's grumbling and hiding his face away as Earth tries to kiss his rays cause "you were supposed to be embarrassed- not happy!!!" andand one more thing- the thing where you said how Earth would encourage Eclipse to go give everyone kisses? *Inhale*. HELL FUCKING YEAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!! ourghhh Eclipse and Moon are bickering per usual and then Eclipse just shuts hi up by kissing him... and now Moon is thinking about that for Days. then Eclipse pulls that on Sun. and Lunar. and on every Other celestial until he's kissed everyone, and then he approaches Earth like a proud cat about it, explaining who he kissed and how he did it all while preening like a peacock. (he wants kisses from her as a reward, dammit!!!) agajsgqja eclipsearth hhh theyre so cuteee hhh i need to draw them smooching so bad hhh

KWGIWGIQGA YES NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE TALK ABOUT SOLAR AND EARTH. and tbh i think the reason so Few peeps talk abt them is Because (as much as i love it) of the fact that Earth canonically considers Solar her brother. that pushes many Normies away from even making au's where they're together, which is what solarmoon's normally do bc they were shipping solarmoon Before Moon ever even though of Solar as family. the content-craving part of me brain kinda wishes Earth never called Solar brother bc there would've been sooooo much ship art of the two after that episode if so istg. ...but the proship brain LOVES that she called him brother cause now i have more reasoning to make them kith >:3 i bet when Solar comes back (bc he will and if he doesn't i'm gaslighting myself into believing he is <3) he and Earth are gonna have little playdates with the things they crochet together... their bunny and snake end up on a little date and Earth and Solar are giggling like teenagers whenever they flirt w each other through their respective plushy <3<3<3 and then at the end of it whenever the two plushes bonk their heads together in a kiss EA&SO KISS TOO and JAFUSFAIGA AUGHHH THEY'RE SO CUUUTEEE

anon i will literally /p marry you. you just gave me an excuse to yell about mooneclipse. *Ahem*. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!1!1!!1! I FUCKING LOVE MOONECLIPSE!!!1!!!11!!1! ik i've previously screamed about how i think their relationship would develop, but i haven't talked about the slowburn enough yet. sooo... hi not to make this a Lil raunchy but: Eclipse saddling up behind Moon while Moon's in p&s, Eclipse presses his chest against Moon's back, wrapping his arms around his torso and murmuring teases mixed in with Very Family Friendly things in his ear. Moon is torn between leaning his head back to start kissing the sonuva bitch, or if he should smack Eclipse's head 180° around with a wrench. (spoiler: he goes with the first option :3) mooneclipse Also good whenever i can shove Sun in there bc if Sun ever walked in on the two making out he'd never recover. that's all he'll be thinking about for the next year, and the year after that if it happens again. he wants to be in-between them so baddd afaksfaksfaga

SPEAKING about Sun, SUN/MOON YEHAHAHAHAHAH!!! and oh ohh i TOTALLY agree with the Super Small thing. i think it was a fell first, fell harder situation with Specifically Sun and New Moon. Sun fell first, and N.M fell harder. thas' because S&M were already a Thing during the Old Moon days, sooo Sun already had them-there feelings, and New Moon, in all his dorky, smart, trying-his-best glory, just MADE THEM WORSE doing the tiniest little things. like, y'know that high-pitched screechy laugh Moon does whenever he's laughing too hard? Sun heard him do that for the first time and the urge to kiss Moon struck Sun so hard he got a lil dizzy. there were so many times before the two got together where Sun would just Stare at Moon, not listening to whatever tf he was saying and just admiring every inch of him. and Sun only snapped out of it whenever he heard his own rays whirring a mile a minute isgsigsogaoga. BUT. but, New Moon fell harder. if i were to assign a canon moment in the timeline where i think he realized his feelings for Sun, it would be when Sun comforted him during his breakdown over Solar. like Moon, on the verge of passing out, feels himself being cradled into Sun's chest as he carries him to bed and oh no oh fuck oh shit this isn't brotherly love he's feeling it's not it's not. and then whenever Sun brings him sushi the next morning Moon accidentally starts thinking of it like a lil breakfast date and that thought has him shaking and JAFAUFIAGIAG they're so CUTE and AWKWARDN and SOSOSO cuddly whenever they finally get together. Sun has to be on Moon's lap at least once everyday or else he'll be Pouty.

THE WAY YOU FLAVORED THIS SPECIFIC VERSION OF SUNECLIPSE MADE ME ISGIAFIFAIGAIGIA. YESSSSS. Eclipse feels so bad about catching feelings for his new brother, but... the Celestials are already More physically affectionate with each other than normal siblings are, and Eclipse Swears he sometimes catches them all coming out of each other's rooms wearing each other's clothes, and most importantly why does it seem like Sun is flirting with him all the time??? (< cause he Is lmao) Eclipse walks in on S&M making out- Sun having his whole ass legs wrapped around Moon's waist and Eclipse fucking just.🧍‍♂️. "hELLO???!?! HELLO!!?!?!?!1?!" and then S&M Still take like a solid minute to Fully pull away cause. whaaat d'you waaaaant Eclipse can't you see they're busy??? ...unless you wanna Join them, ofc :) (< Eclipse explodes on the spot /vpos)

ON MY KNEES. FINALLY, ANOTHER WHO SEES MY SOLAR/JACK VISION. i'unno if you are a Reader of my Ao3, but if you Aren't, then you should know i think jack starts doing romance stuff alllll thanks to Lunar. he is a Horrible influence. Lunar tells him about kissing, flirting, seduction, the Things That Come After That that i can't say in interest of keeping this post Tame uagigaigaigs. aaand then Jack wants to try all those things on Solar!!! cause who better to love on then your own creator!!! someone walks in on Solar with Jack in his lap one day, and they are very close together, Almost kissing, and then Solar Shrieks and tries to act like he wasn't about to kiss Jack. he's just- he's just doing repairs!!! that's all!!!! thaaat's all!!!!! (Jack is so confused- is he a bad kisser? what did he do wrong :( [< he did Nothing wrong Solar just has Anxiety usgwgigwigw])

AAAND last but not least, yes, Lunar has gone for everyone once, twice, thrice, and probably even more for Some. if someone were to ask him his body count he'd have to Swiftly change the subject out of fear of Never Living Down The Truth Igiahagaig

it took me like over 3 hours to write all this out AHAHHAHAH hope i matched your Hype when it comes to these ships cause theyre all AHAHHJHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Greetings everyone! It is 4am and you know what that means. Thats right, its time to read ACOMAF :) chapters 41 this time. enjoy

Chapter 41

What we're just smashcutting straight to Velaris?? we're not gonna see Feyre talk about all the shit the mortal queens just said with her sisters??

ugh dont remind me of the fact that amren drinks blood but only animal blood because human blood is too watery or whatever. she couldve been my vampire girlie in this a/b/o world but instead shes just a lame disappointment in a lame disappointment world. that also doubles as an a/b/o world, lest we forget that

ughhhhh dont remind me of the fae not being affected by iron

Okay, i have to admit this line kinda slaps: "Maybe then Elain would get an engagement ring that wasn't forged out of hatred and fear."

Yeah Feyre, I hate to say it but you failed HARD as an ambassador, you are so bad at politics, but technically this was all Rhysands idea so I'd say it was his responsibility to make sure youre not bad at politics, so Im blaming him for all this

I made a joke in my last post about how the night court is really US governmentcore and now Cassian is like "we could just kill the current queens and put queens in place thatll cooperate with us" and the only reason Rhys doesnt wanna do it is because it would take too long and because they dont know what effect this will have on the book, not because, i dont know, he'd be interfering with foreign affairs and robbing all of humanity of their agency. I mean, its a monarchy so i guess humanity didnt have too much of a choice when they ascended to the throne, but atleast those queens have their best interests at heart and dont cooperate with former slave-owners

Why does Feyre care so muh about Mor potentially hurting Azriels feelings, is he not acting like Tamlin at the start of ACOMAF where he was all like "no Feyre, you cant go to the sper dangerous place, its dangerous"

Okay so, the oldest queen is the queen of The Black Land, which is a very vaguely africa-coded place, where humans were born slaves to the fae, unlike everyone else where I guess humans had to get captured by the fae to be enslaved OBVIOUSLY she doesnt wanna cooperate with fae, shes even more justified in her decision in my eyes

But then Im thinking, why can she even decide what happens with that little piece of land, Im guessing thats not part of the black land so would that not fall under the jurisdiction of one of the other queens? Honestly, they shouldve just spoken to each queen alone, I get that theyre strapped for time but im sure they couldve forged atleast one alliance without the oldest queen speaking for all of them there. Also, from a doylist perspective, it wouldve been good padding since sjm insists on making her books stupidly long and it wouldve probably given us a more functional government structure because right now it just seems like these queens who allegedly each have a kingdom to run are just hanging out in the same palace all making collectively decisions for the entire continent, which is stupid

What is it with Sarah J Maas and portraying freedom fighters being very dedicated to their cause as a bad thing, sepcifically because its not very condusive to a romantic relationship? Like, in Crescent City Hunt was a rebel and he was in love with the leader of the rebellion before she was killed and he enslaved and its very tragic and he cant love anyone but her, but then he manages to move on and fall in love with Bryce and it turns out to be a better experience for him. Specifically, theres this one scene where he buys her this jade egg or maybe she buys him one i dont remember, and he reflects on how if he had given that kind of gift to his former lover she wouldve appreciated it for one second and then just let it rot on some shelf because she just had other things on her mind, and I thought that was an interesting perspective for their relationship, but now that we're getting a similar thing with Jurian and Miriam except Jurian isnt the love interest of the MC so hes more likely to get demonized it seems kinda weird innit

Oh boy we're gonna get the UTM reeanactment soon arent we. sighhhhhh

Btw what the hell is up with Mors truth powers. Apparently a lot of people in her bloodline have them?? What makes Mor so special then, i thought the reason she was special was because her power was unique. I guess its just uniquely strong then (FOR A WOMAN) but thats just lame and also weird imo

Oh the Hewn City is called 'Höhlenstadt' ['Cave City'] in german and I think that sounds pretty bad ngl. rare Alexandra Ernst L

Feyre keeps going about how Rhys is gonna risk everything for the sake of stopping the war and its like, girlie if you keep jacking him so hard youre gonna rip his dick off, but also, hes not gonna tell anyone where Velaris is right?? Like, it'll still be hidden and safe behind that force field, people are just gonna know of its existence now. And even if Veritas shows the queens Velaris by starting off with a birdseye view of Prythian and then zooming in, that wouldnt be enough for the mortal queens to figure out Prythians geography to the point where they could actually tell where it is, not the mention that Velaris is positioned in a way that makes any attacks, but especially attacks from the mortal land, extremely difficult

Feyre talking about the repressed desire she felt when she say Rhys all naked and vulnerable when he woke up from that nightmare is very inappropriate when you consider that he was dreaming about his rapist, but is also surprisingly relatable because I too like my men best when theyre submissive and crying. its a crime rhysand never ended up getting pegged tbh

Rhysand talking about how he cant bear the thought of Feyre mentally returning to UTM when she just barely managed to leave it behind is funny cuz its like, whos idea is it gonna be to dress Feyre up like she was when you were assaulting her UTM. i dont think its her

I dont know what it is but Im already so over this stupid plotline with Mor and Eris, maybe Im just tired cuz its early but god, i dont ever wanna hear about it again

[ballplayersxo]

“MPJ anon are you black or some other race, what does he mean you don’t lol biracial? Also, is he delusional to think his hoeness gets deleted? He doesn’t need to marry anyone”

im black and white but get mistaken for middle eastern/latinw a lot. And yeah, he doesnt believe men can be hoes they can just “make hoes”.

“To the anon that just ended things with MPJ.. just curious.. did he say the only reason he dated you was because you didn’t look mixed, meaning… you look more black or just more racially ambiguous. Just curious about how this weird ninja mind works. And friend feel free to spill all the 🫖. None of us will tell. 🫣”

i look more racially ambiguous and he said thats why he was into me, he usually doesnt like black girls (he doesn't differentiate between mixed and black for women but referred to himself as mixed?). And i just might spill the tea he was horrible

“Crying MPJ anon saying he doesn’t like braids but his older sister used to have dreads and his younger one only ever wears braids😭😭and not him slut shaming u?? I hate him”

i got bohemian braids and he told me i look so much better with my hair straight and braids are ugly, it was giving antiblack lowkey because why do you care. and he was such a slutshamer he was interrogating me about my body count like bro YOU slid into MY dms

“MPJ anon are u a biracial who looks more on the white side?? Or just a white girl? Bc I know for a fact in spring/summer 2023 he was with multiple latinas and white girls whoring it up going back and forth between them. Then in sept/October and November he was dealing with Malu and her best friend who looks like her. So another dark haired tan Latina.”

i dont think i look white, im tan and wear my hair straight and i get a lot of different things. He messaged me in August on his main acc and we started texting/Fting and he gave me his finsta and we stopped talking in December, he blocked me everywhere after a fight where he was shaming me for wearing short shorts in “the cold” when we were inside. And Ik about Malu, she has a finsta and they follow each other on their finstas. Malu is also talking to Shai but I cant speak to much on that. And every young player has a finsta. Shit even old ones. Thats where all the drama happens. I talk to a Pacers player and have his finsta too, his entire finsta following is just other ballers finstas.

this just all sounds like a disaster omg anon how are you dealing 😭😭

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

omg wait i didn’t even know jensen had an older sister that makes everything sm juicier. fucked up sibling dynamics my beloved. and knowing luis had adria all this time makes me more sympathetic to him than before LMAO. wait i have more questions…was taking jensen instead of adria a deliberate choice on April’s part? does jensen suffer from ‘i wasn’t worth the effort’ thoughts in relation to his father when he sees the type of parent he is w/ adria (poor lad) also does Bryce know about adria? also what happens with april later in life? ty for indulging me I love family dynamics and the family you’ve created here is definitely dynamics-ing

yeah adria came after my jensen character sheet (which is one of the many reasons why its not accurate anymore) and i havent posted much ab her so shes not exactly common knowledge

yes it was deliberate in that jensen was younger so it was easier (in theory) to take him. he wouldn't ask as many questions, and she figured hed be able to acclimate easier given the language change

jensen and adria both have a realllyyy strained relationship. they both think that the other one essentially got the "better end" of the deal. adria sees jensen as this super successful doctor with an amazing education and jensen sees adria as super close to her family. jensen doesnt think much about his dad so i dont think he'd ever think ab not being worth the effort, but theres def some animosity in terms of him thinking luis was the better parent (same as adria thinking april mustve been the better parent. grass is always greener type situation).

bryce eventually learns ab adria but it was probs some unrelated offhand comment jensen made like 5 years post oph. bryce was probs ranting ab keiki and some stupid shit she did and jensens like 'at least you still get along. i dont ever talk to my sister' and bryce is sitting there like your what🧍

as for april, right after jensen went into foster care she ended up getting some help through a housing program. she was able to work consistently full time which helped her to stay in the program until she was financially stable enough to rent an apartment closer to her place of work. though i dont have this completely fleshed out, in versions before i had her marry a pretty well-off guy and she moved with him to the west coast. as of rn i dont really know much beyond that (aside from how she dies. so.)

[imustbenuts]

yakuza 1 kiwami thoughts after finishing it, very mixed feelings about this game :v

WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. WHO. HOW. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS. the story. the COMBAT.

i get it. i really do. this is probably a project they started and finished in a short time by reusing assets and pulling the old motion capture data from the master and applying it in the remake. the future of the series hinged on this very flawed original ps2 game. the pacing doesnt let the story sink in and ferment as a result of this ps2 mocap. i get it.

the graphic updates are great. majima everywhere is actually really fun. kamurocho is super cool. the dialogues in the substories and MES are zingers. wonderful. amazing. the pores on everyone's face, fuck yeah. gimme that!

BUT. the main game makes me want to drop a sega arcade machine in front of SEGA's building over in japan. the maimai machines are getting it.

because i genuinely. i dont understand why certain decisions are done in the creation of this game.

story wise i get trying to preserve the og as much as possible and changing things as minimally as possible but. but. i would have re-written a lot of things. hell, i would have rewritten at least one thing and that is yumi.

as it is theres a lot of bits that seems like *checks notes* mr. yokoyama was on the fence about. but sir. SIR.

if you flesh out nishiki, flesh out yumi too. they are a package deal to kiryu's character foundations. im actually really ok with nishiki despite that ending where kiryu and nishiki dont talk! but then yumi??? she hasnt endeared me. COME ON SEDUCE ME MR. YOKOYAMA, SEDUCE ME WITH HER LIKE YOU DO YOUR MEN! im playing as kiryu, so for the love of GOD SEDUCE/ENDEAR HER TO ME.

щ(゜ロ゜щ)!!! WYD!!! you kind of did it with reina with y0!! sir!!

and also, why is yumi's tattoo and literal key defining trait is that shes beautiful (with the gekka bijin shit) and thats. it. beauty = instant love interest for kiryu and nishiki. this was already stupid in 2005 asian dramas, it was stupid in the 90s and its still stupid today. (source: me with all these asian dramas absorbed as background noise growing up)

if yumi doesnt get fleshed out, then drop the romance. just tone it down or drop it altogether. id even argue theres even maybe a better foundation for her to be kiryu's sister than romance, but thats my personal opinion stemming purely from the lack of polish she gets.

there is no in between here imo. the problem is that kiryu seems very... dense when it comes to romance and sex to the point that he reads like one on the ace spectrum. in y0 hes 20 and so reads like his brain was button mashing the hormones, so that still tracks for me. i can also accept him being attracted to anyone but that attraction must come with screen time. he spends more time thinking about nishiki and worrying where haruka's mom is than he thinks about yumi.

this poor butchered girl. yumi's character quality is like. as good as the ring he gave her. a mcguffin. hhhhhhgh. and then she dies getting shot by the guy she decided to move on with while kiryu is in jail instead of waiting for him, like shes... getting punished for it... jesus christ this writing choice is dreadful.

fine whatever... j-drama tragedy and all that. i can still accept all of these flaws bc y7 and y8 are such a GREAT time, and mr. yokoyama has clearly gotten better at this writing thing.

in retrospect for y8 personally, maybe kiryu is so dense he doesnt realize this love is more like a crush or some platonic or familial affection. and in y8 that has evolved into a twisted what if scenario hitch-hiking on his sense of longing for an alternate future that isnt rooted in any reality. (did they date???????????? even stayed together for a while to see if they were compatible in their daily lives or language? i think majima has even cleared the dating hurdle with MES here...)

THE COMBATTTT WHYYYYYYYYYYY

im. what. what is this. did people QA this enough?

so a bit about Game Design: Crowding.

generally, when the Player Character in an action game is surrounded by multiple enemies, it is ALWAYS a good idea to code some semblance of chill into the AI. if a few enemies starts whacking the PC, then the others in the crowd must hang back and chill. otherwise the PC gets stun locked and their health drains to a flat 0 leading to a game over in a snap.

fps games does this by purposefully making enemies have poor aim.

action games does this by limiting the amounts of attacks on screen from enemies.

so. why is it. the enemies here have a built in auto dodge, block and a stun lock dog piling brain.

not even monster hunter has this amount of read coded into their attack patterns. neither does the souls games. it's also offset by the longer than usual attack animations that asks the player to both read and commit on the screen from enemies and their own avatars alike.

but y1k. ?? ?? ?? ? ??????????????????? w h y. why did it toss out this piece of common sense out the window for the 2 brothers boss fight in debolah and for jingu. naze. doushite. wei shen me. WHY.

i think the most telling thing is when, during multiple BULLSHIT fights i was constantly thinking how i wished i was fighting majima instead...

majima is such a saving grace for me here. what a frustrating ride.

y1k reminds me so much of the same flaws gintama had early on, and i know for a fact things get good and there are good things in here. i really do like some of the plot points. but ugh. ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhg.

it just wasn't. sincere enough. you know?

tiger drop.

[heystephen]

hey ebd anon! to be honest i knew she was wacky from the first day i met her because she started yelling (at the top of her lungs) in an attempt to win a dumb argument

i was weirded out for a hot minute there until i realized she has narcissistic traits much like my dad does, and she's very similar to my grandma (dad's mom) too.

just as an example, my grandma made me swear i would never share this info with anyone until i die: she sat me down one day and told me my other grandma (mom's mom) is a whore. mind you both of these women were in their 70s at the time. but yeah apparently she was a whore because she started dating for a brief period in her 50s after becoming a widow. my best friend's boyfriend tragically passed away last year, and this woman had the audacity to tell me she wanted to set up my friend with someone not even a month after the funeral because "she's young, she's not gonna be alone forever". this is a woman who went to book a church and priest for me to get married on a date that works for her. then somehow found the phone number and called my mil and told her "the church is handled" so i got a call - while on vacation and not in the process of planning a wedding btw - from my mil who said "handle your grandmother" and hung up on me. i had no idea what had been happening, or even that the two knew each other because the families hadn't met yet. and i was on vacation. out of the country. this woman booked a church with just my name?! like am i marrying myself or something?! nope, she just wanted it to be that date because she heard her other son might be in town that day too.

anyway, given the similar traits she shares with my mil, they have sort of become very close friends since i got married. no one knows what they talk about, but they're on the phone for hours and both lie about who they've been talking with (i've caught them in these lies myself). my mil is very chatty especially after a drink or two (it's an issue) so she spills most things to my sister in law, except anything to do with my grandma. then my sil shares all the gossip with me, which is how i learned the woman thinks im a witch out to get her. i have noticed my mil has picked up some language patterns from my grandma, and some beliefs too, which is how i know they're very close these days. aside from the comments ive heard from my mil about my grandma (moms mom) being a whore (that sounds familiar doesnt it?) and then also my cousin because she dared to wear something tight that looks good on her. yeah.

meanwhile, my "whore" grandma and cousin are women i actually really look up to because they're incredibly strong. hell, my grandma was the first person to teach me about feminism when i was in elementary. she was having coffee while i was visiting her and she told me i should never feel afraid of the partner i choose in life and that we should both be equal in both similarities and in differences. it was her simple way of saying the ideal relationship is when both parties respect each other even in arguments and disagreements. and my cousin left the country at 18, as soon as she could get a passport, so she could make a better life for herself than what she had in her hometown. she found a job, accommodation and lived through god knows what (i know small bits) to make it out of this country.

anyway, my mil is convinced her sister in law is a witch and a whore and she's told me all about her. allegedly, she's seen the witchcraft books this woman owns. my first thought upon hearing that was "how did you ever find them oh innocent soul that can do no wrong without snooping" and then i learned she went snooping. so i know she's gone through my shit in the last few months we've been living together but i got nothing to offer so ����🏻‍♀️. oh and the witchcraft books turned out to be some eastern healing books. she told me this herself going off about "this eye" and "special points on the body" and whatever else is in books like that im not too familiar.

sorry for the long ask scout, i tried to summarize as much as possible, and now im sending loving bites to both you and ebd anon <3

.... maybe the bites are witchcraft 😂😂😂

there is So much lore to unpack from all of this i feel like im going to be ruminating on this for days

[sick-ada]

OKAY SECOND PART (I HIT THE CHARACTER LIMIT I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A LIMIT ON TUMBLR

again, big long text under the readmore

we were on proto werent we yeah

proto gets along with CB and Bubbles a lot better than with Flora, since cb and bubbles actually follow their orders and plans, even before theyre promoted to captain. flora obeys them even less after theyre promoted, for the record

this is very obviously because theyre traumatised child soldiers who were conditioned by both the octarian military and the metro where you explode if you dont follow instructions, but proto manages to delude themselves into thinking it's bc the twins respect their leadership

the twins completely stop obeying them after splatoon 3. granted, they leave the NSS after splat3, but by that point flora and bola have managed to get them out of the "you gotta obey authority figures Or Else" mentality

also because uh. the twins got the rest of their mem cakes back LMAO they remember what proto and the squid sisters set in motion and are NOT happy. theyd be willing to forgive if they had apologised rather than hiding it and hoping the twins wouldnt find out but they didnt sooooo

bola HATES proto so goddamn much. theyve met in person maybe thrice. the first time was when octo expansion had just finished and the way proto was talking to these kids bola's age like they were soldiers rubbed them the wrong way. the second time, proto came across bola while they were stealing something and called the cops on them. the third time was when they came back from alterna and visited flora in the hospital. bola had to be physically restrained to stop them trying to bite out protos jugular. they got one good sucker-punch in at least

NEXT IS PLUTO (THEY/THEM, NEO 3) BUT I'M NOT SUPER CERTAIN ABOUT THESE HEADCANONS SO THEYRE SUBJECT TO CHANGE

Pluto's "Lil' Buddy" is a Horrorboros called Leviathan's Flight over Verdant Pastures (she/her), or levi for short

(idk if that salmonid name makes sense, salmonid naming and rainworld iterator naming have blended together in my mind and i cannot separate them)

theyre actually older than proto! proto is 24 in splat3 and pluto is 27. proto doesnt know this because i think it should be a recurring character flaw that proto just randomly assumes people's ages and doesnt ask ever.

pluto straight up doesn't care about the NSS or proto's commands. they came down into the crater to scavenge, attacked octavio cause they wanted to tear apart and sell his mech, and is basically motivated by the same "i want the treasure" mindset as Deep Cut

unlike deep cut, they have a horrorboros as a partner. they dont fight deep cut so much as they launch booyah bombs until they yield

it's splatlands culture to fight people, shows that you respect them enough to consider them a threat, but also asserts that you're stronger than them and could kick their ass

they are Very offended when the NSS just start USING the treasure that THEY earned, especially when it gets so damaged by the fuzzy ooze that it's basically unsaleable. theres a dramatic moment of proto being like "why the hell are you mad we literally got this to save gramps" and pluto being like "WE??? kid you didnt do shit and i dont care about your grandpa. fuck off and let me do my thing"

the fight with grizz is VERY fast. if smallfry gets that big, what do you think happens to a horrorboros? the moon is permanently coated in salmonid-ink in a suspiciously booyah bomb shaped pattern. they take all the most valuable bits of the rocket to sell and dont even go back down to alterna

as far as they're concerned, they were never a member of the NSS, never wanted to be, and owe nothing to these presumptious assholes. theyve got better things to do than argue with some spoiled inkopolis kids

in this version of canon, deep cut respect pluto and levi (the ones who showed respect by fighting them for the treasure) over the NSS (the ones who stole the treasure for their own purposes without fighting or even issuing a challenge), so they decide that pluto and levi are their bosses instead

pluto groans when they find out. levi thinks it's hilarious

oh yeah i need actual context for pluto and levi not just redescribing the splat3 campaign

theyre both rogues, deliberately unaffiliated with any groups (shoals? schools?) of salmonids or any particular inkfish city. they were raised together with salmonids but levi didnt see any particular honour or value in getting killed and eaten so pluto suggested running away together

they make a living by scavenging in the splatlands and selling to people on the outskirts of splatsville which, in this canon, is a hell of a lot more chaotic than in-game

deep cut also have a lot more actual authority than "the idol group who announces the map changes" in this canon, which pluto is not above using to get them and levi unrestricted access in and out of the city. having minions has some benefits, they guess

idk if theyre ever gonna meet the leftovers squad. i honestly dont know if pluto would care about a random group of inkopolis teens unless i made some plot reason for them to. idk

ANYWAY THATS ALL OF THEM. FOR NOW

[righteousness-and-tea]

I’d like to request Big sister headcannons(platonic of course) with Kyoko,Kaede,Mikan, Mahiru, and Sakura where their little brother got into a fight at his middle school and REALLY beat the dogshit out of the other kid because he was talking shit. the little brother got a few minor couple cuts and bruises but the kid he was fighting got SIGNIFICANTLY more damage. All his peers and classmates recorded the fight and it was all over social media such as snapchat and instagram so there was little chance the older sister wasnt gonna find out. The little brother walked in the front door with headphones on playing no music was looking down while frantically and quickly trying to walk to his room because he didn’t wanna get scolded by his big sister lmfao.(even tho Mikan doesnt seem like the type to scold)Even if they asked if he got in a fight he would attempt to lie and say no and make up some dumb excuse

Thats about it pretty much. Also I’m really glad you’re back, def one of my favorite writers of tumblr! Hope you have good rest of your day.

Hey anon! I'm so happy to hear I'm one of your favorite writers, it's such an honor. I've never gotten a sibling request before, so I hope I captured this in a way you like! Enjoy :)

-Mod Celeste

Big sister! Kyoko, Kaede, Mikan, Mahiru and Sakura confrontation + comfort after a fight at school:

Kyoko:

-You can't hide ANYTHING from her. She'd seen the video of course, and had an expression of "you're in trouble, mister!"

-Snatching the headphones aside, she'd calmly ask if there's something you'd like to say.

-There's no point in lying, her Detective senses are too good! So you cave.

-"Now, now. Don't get worked up... I want you to apologize to the school and leave that boy alone. I know why you did what you did, but you're better than this."

-Stern as she is, she still loves you. She'd patch you up and grab you some juice as a peace offering.

Kaede:

-More than anything, she was worried about you! Her little brother, in a fight? No way!

-A mutual friend had told her, and she was worried sick. When you got home, you didn't even make it to your room before she tackled you in a interrogatory hug.

-"Are you hurt?? What did he do?? WHY did you punch him so many times??" Realizing you couldn't answer suffocated, she'd let go.

-Begrudgingly, you explained. She sighed, concern evident in her voice. She put a hand on your shoulder and looked you straight in the eyes.

-"Listen, buddy. I know you're super strong about your morals, and this guy upset you... but let's be a little more proactive next time! I know you can do that."

-Kaede is the forgive and forget type, so no need to dwell on it. She'd play you your favorite song to feel better about things!

Mikan:

-Oh, she'd be worried sick. She was actually a part-time nurse at your school, so she found out before you could even get home.

-"y/n to the nurse's office please!" Oh God, who let her use the PA? She would only ever be outspoken for you.

-You skulk to the office, annoyed. She sees you crashes into your bag, aiming to hug you... and missing, of course.

-Mikan didn't care about the circumstances, the motive, any of that. She wept (more like a sob in her case) and asked where you were hurt, what you needed, and if you were okay.

-She got to work before you could even answer. Ditzy as she is, nursing is still her talent.

-Afterwards, she'd try to find the right words. Mikan is constantly trying to be the best big sister, even if she doesn't really know how. "Uh, sweetie... I know you didn't mean to get in trouble, but, um, you know violence isn't right! It's my job to help patch up people, and well... I don't want you to end up in here again!!! Understand?" The last part was more of a feeble plea.

-You couldn't stand to see your sister sad, so you agreed. That day you left school with more sugar-free lollipops than you could eat.

Mahiru:

-She does NOT stand for violence. You knew that. "Oh God, she's gonna kill me," is definitely what ran through your head.

-Mahiru, to you, seemed omniscient: "Why are you in such a hurry, huh? Did you maybe PICK A FIGHT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE?"

-She scared you sometimes. Not in a bad way, just in the typical "scared straight" sense. She'd come into your room, pull up a chair, and begin her spiel.

-"Okay, bro. I shouldn't have to say this, but... fights just aren't okay. Ever. But hey it's over now, so just try to resolve it peacefully next time. I know you're a good kid at heart, so let's act like it."

-She knew you were afraid of her reaction, so she let you off easy. You're her brother after all... she just wants what's best for you.

Sakura:

-simply the best big sister, I don't make the rules

-She has a good sense for when something is wrong. Around you, she is always gentle but firm.

-Sakura never confronts you, or scolds. She simply asks what is on your mind. A wonderful listener, that girl. And you feel safe enough to tell her everything, every time.

-She takes in your story, and pats you on the back. "Well dear, what's done is done. You know from watching me that fights have their purpose... but this one was not productive. All we can do is make better choices in the future, and strive to be better people. After all, people aren't bad at heart, they just make bad choices once in a while. Let's relax for a while, okay?"

-She'll give you a hug, and then some space to decompress. Later that night, you'll find a plate of dinner waiting for you.

[ah0yh0y]

The alhaven ask game thing:

Epiphany!

ohhhhh epiphanyyyyy thats a hard one simply becuase there is so much i could talk about . warning this is long

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

there's individual character epiphanies - like the fact that Fate doesnt truely dictate your actions, and that horrible events in your past don't dictate what the rest of your life will be like (mordred , morgana respectively) {this theme i think is most prevalent in We Were Villains (Weep for me)}.

on a lighter note - there's ari's epiphany that she hadn't told zach yes to the whole platonic marriage thing in first snow. i always found that funny like she's just WE HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT THIS????

(these are are all on my ao3 btw my username is writetype but you have to be logged in to see them)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

in terms of plot points i think my favourite one (and probably the best fit for this prompt) is the camping trip, set during the main cast's teen years (zoe's 19/20 , zach's like 17 , will's also 17 and aimee is 15) - for context before this point the family is fractured - aimee and zoe's mother {morgana} died around two years previous and aimee really hates zoe for not being there for her (zoe's was struggling before this but now is trying her best to reconnect with her sister , aimee is.. resentful) zach hates his cousin , will , seeing him as an intrusion bc they are FINE GODDAMIT WE DON'T NEED YOUR HELP. the adults are trying but they are spread thin (especially with inflation and grief and such). tensions are starting to thaw though a bit but still threatening to yknow explode

and so when they finally get that one week off around christmas - what better way to spend it than CAMPING WOO.

and its that traditional thing of everything is going to shit but along the way , through broken shopping carts and getting lost in ditches and climbing trees and the lack of mosquito repellent , they bond a bit . and the breathing space becomes wider and gazes are cooler. it kinda feels remincent of those nights where they used to bring out sparklers and write their names in air , its looking at the remains of them smoking , orange bright , but instead of feeling the brand of when you couldn't stop stepping on leftovers , searing your barefoot in a grisly crevice - its just feeling content. being quenched by the outside tap. its not all gone , the water still makes you itch all over funny but - its better.

its not quite a massive epiphany, more a realisation but is one of my favourite moments still

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

i think the most important epiphany for me in terms of alhaven - is my own . i used to (and still do in some moments) feel bad for the unrealisticness of alhaven and the fact it was all fluffy and very badly worldbuilt. it didn't feel like a serious story like the ones that my friends would write about , the ones you see in novels . the dead come back to life , some ocs become famous ish , there's swords and historical costumes readily accessible and cheap. alhaven as a town has a kebab shop even tho its technically in the middle of nowhere, dragons , aimee grows up to host a bookish gameshow thing . murder most unladylike the netlifx adaptation exists - and alot of the story is just about the mundane . (also coupled with the fact alhaven is also the paracosm amplified things - like its my daydream world for goddam sakes)

but like the biggest epiphany for me that even if it didn't feel serious - this story was serious, to me. fluff content and the mundane wasn't a lesser form of writing - it wasn't cringe. it made me feel happy and thats all it really needed to be for it to be important. for it to matter. for it to be worthy.

alhaven has been with me for almost more than 6 years now , and to feel ashamed of it feels like a disservice to that younger me , happily writing harry potter , bbc merlin and percy jackson cross over fic with a green pen at 11pm at night.

its probably one of the epiphanies im most grateful for actually.

[thatrandomventblog]

.

having anxiety bcuse mom's giving me my phone back after school

ik i'm too far behind and am so close to getting an f/n on a couple subjcts but im just drained and struggling to care but also

ik i need to keep up, or at least do what i've been doing

the same thing over and over again, just keep it together

i can't cry when i need to and seem to want to cry at the worst times

i don't want to ask for help bcuse i've been gone for so long now why just show up only when i need help? idk i'm trying to get things back together

somethings wrong with cousin and mom wont tell me but i walked inside after walking max to hear her say "teenagers are assholes" like duh ik that and ik she was addressing her dad on the phone and kk but also something tells me its about cousin and whatever happened between them

idk what to make of life anymore and i keep telling myself it will get better but tbh i don't think improvement will be happening anytime soon and i wanna be so so strong for everyone else but it's starting to become noticeable ig sister keeps asking if i'm okay and gets mad when i say i'm fine or act "off" like what do you want me to act like??

keep going from normal talk to "professional" and like. i picked up a dictionary and it's helping me word and string sentances along and idk it's upsetting everyone else but idk how to make it stop either

siste(t) is upsetting me like she isn't bothering to like idk. i'm upset as is and she isn't helping ig. she's just idk it doesn't make sense and it might sound bad? she says she's hopeful she gets a phone before i get mine back but doesn't have an answer as to why. i've managed to be calm about everything but she just seems hellbent on pushing buttons like. she's not minding my personal space and i'm getting rather uncomfortable with the "suggestive" talk and shit just.

idk i don't want to deal with life anymore i'm so tired all the time and i either can't eat or eat too much cant sleep or sleep too much just mmmm

i dont want to burden anyone with my faults and flaws

and ofc sister apparently wants me to get with someone like. can she not stop? no. she cannot. she keeps talking about me having children in her dreams and ik its just dreams but i'm not parent material ik that much and i've never wanted to have kids but also babies are adorable?? like ik i dont want it. but im allowed to say that babies are adorable and i'd be fine with babysitting but never having one as my own like?? idk i dont make sense.

i cant tell if i'm spiralling downwards but this feels like a repeat of 13. functioning based off what ik emotion to feel and reacting how i see necessary/based on context clues and what i "should" feel while i'm either numb or upset. idk tbh just. want it to stop. my head doesnt feel right either. cloudy and like someone pulled the curtains over my windows and now i cant do anything

idk anyways rant of the day!

[your13threasonwhy]

holy shit im so mad.

!!!SPOILERS FOR SEE YOU IN MY 19TH LIFE KDRAMA AND WEBTOON!!!

(disclaimer-sorry if any of the characters names are spelt wrong or need a hyphen, i get things confused between the kdrama and webtoon)

i read the webtoon way before the kdrama came out and i am still, to this day, so emotionally attached to it like, its one of the most amazing things ive read and i still cry when i think about it too much.

so, imagine my excitement when i find out its getting a kdrama and my absolute dissapointment when i find out that they changed literally everything (this is an exaragation) that made the webtoon so amazing.

when the show came out i was basically begging my sister to watch it with me (since she hasnt read the webtoon) and we are currently seven episodes in because we had to go on holidays however, we will continue watching it (even though i spent a good hour and a half contemplating whether or not i would actually be able to watch it without combusting after i read what they changed) until the end.

so, like the the overly anxious person i am, i searched up the ending just to make sure they hadnt changed anything else apart from min-gi's character and adding han-na (who we will discuss later) and proceeded to rip my hair out after reading that they made the female lead LOSE ALL OF HER MEMORIES ABOUT EVERYONE SHE LOVED.

but before we get into that i want to talk about the things they actually did well, for example, the cinematography, casting and scenery were actually so amazing and its definitely so much better than the webtoon (however the webtoon does still have a special place in my heart) and i think possibly the only good plot change they did was make han-na the reincarnation of seo-ha's mother. as someone who despises sad/bittersweet stuff i love that they made his mother reincarnate and keep her memories even if he doesnt meet her (which i dont know if he does because im only on episode seven) because its so sweet to think that she got a chance to see her son all (sort of) happy and grown up. i also love the fact that they added more depth to her past lives and showed up more scenes of them as, in the webtoon, im pretty sure the only things we got that related to her past lives were- her and min-gi's friendship, her and doyun's 'relationship' in her first life and her being ae-kyung's uncle.

now, onto the things im sad they didnt keep in but that i could deal with, which is mostly min-gi's character as a whole and the convinience store scene with ji-eum and min-gi where they recognise each other from their past lives (which im assuming they dont do since they changed his whole character). apparently, in the kdrama, min-gi and ji-eum used to be rivals/enemies in their past life or whatever so he decides to like hunt her down and basically stalk her😭😭 and then proceed to tell her that she needs to stop speaking and being around people from her past life because it hurts them (something i will talk-type?-about in a bit).

the reason why im so mad at this is because they straight just basically made him antagonistic instead of HAVING HIM AND JI-EUM BE FRIENDS IN THEIR PAST LIVES AND HAVING HIM SAY THEIR LITTLE SECRET MESSAGE AND HER BEING LIKE 'omg someone actually remembers their past life other than me?' AND THEN HIM JUST TRYING TO HELP HER NOT REMEMBER HER PAST LIVES ANYMORE BUT BEING A LITTLE BIT MISGUIDED BUT THEN THEIR STILL FRIENDS AND THEY TALK ABOUT IT 😖😖😖. like, they just ruined his character potential so much my changing that and adding the stupid motherfucking thing about how interacting with people from your past lifes hurts them.

finally, the things i hate, buckle up folks because this is going to be as long as my dick/j. first of all, the ending and THE STUPID 'YOU CANT INTERACT WITH YOUR PAST LIVES' BULLSHIT. i think the ending and the knowing about past lives hurts people is just absolute boiling garbage because 1-it just doesnt make sense 2-it doesnt make ANY fucking sense and 3-why the fuck does she need to forget but the people from her past lives dont forget who she was as ji-eum and as her past lives??? like i would rather they all forget but they're still happy and her and seo-ha are still dating/married and they're all still close but whatever. second, the whole fucking plot change like they apparently made this whole thing that made ji-eum think seo-ha murdered her sister for some fucking angst instead of the perfectly reasonable (and just as dramatic) thing with doyun where she thinks they were married so she distances herself from seo-ha but it turns out they were sisters and her and seo-ha still get to be happy AND THE WHOLE THING ABOUT THE DEAL WITH GOD (which also relates to the ending) BECAUSE IN THE END SHE ASKS GOD TO MAKE HER STOP REMEMBERING HER PAST LIVES AND SHE GRADUALLY STARTS TO FORGET THEM BUT SHE STILL KNEW SHE HAD HAD PAST LIVES AND SHE STILL REMEMBERED EVERYONE SHE CARED OUT AND THEN (if i remember correctly) SEO-HA REFUSES GOD'S OFFER TO REMEBER HIS PAST LIVES BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANNA HAVE ANY OTHER LOVE APART FROM HIS AND JI-EUM'S😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭(not sure if thats what he actually says but you get the gist) AND THEN THEY GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER INSTEAD OF HER FORGETTING LITERALLY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE SHE EVER CARED ABOUT AND HAVING TO REBUILD HER RELATIONSHIPS WAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

THEY ARE EVERYTHING TO ME.

in conclusion, the see you in my 19th life kdrama was absolute trash and i think they should remake it. In this essay i will

[wanderrlust0]

1/2

honestlyyy my bf is lucky to have me!! bc ive seen and heard things that i feel like another girl would probably not give him more chances or go off on him out of frustration. even his sister told me she’d do things differently. idk im not trying to shit on him at all bc hes a really good person and i love him very much and want to be with him for the rest of my life. i just know that if it was the other way around with all the things we both have done, he would notttt trust me and he already has trust issues. i mean im not perfect either..yes i have done some small things before, but it was without any personal feelings and any intimate physical touch. now, there is a lot of context and things for part of what he did and the situation we were stuck in so like its not as bad as it sounds.. but STILL lol im just thinking. like i know if one of us had to break up with each other it would def be him breaking up with me. i just know. theres already been times where he would sound like he would and he’d make all these confrontations feel so serious. also, hes still a man. yes hes he/they, masc presenting, but he still thinks like men. im not trying to offend anyone pls if literally anyone reads this far so ill explain what i mean. he did not have good luck with girls in hs and so he worked on himself to look better and then got the attention from girls he craved back then. got some experience, got a gf, got cheated on, got dating apps again but stayed fwb with his ex until calling it off when we started dating. i know he can move quickly with things and act on his high sexual drive. if anyone whos considered attractive gives him attention, he could entertain the idea or like he starts to compare me and itll make me feel like im not enough and dont match his lifestyle. i feel like its easier for him than me to start seeing people in a sexual way and want to get in their pants. idk if it could be like the female attention since he doesnt always feel good about himself and now that a pretty girl shows interest its like it gets to his ego. again, i sound like im shitting on him but im not, im just thinking i can type it all out and leave it here bc ive never talked about this or wrote about it. i found out today that he did stuff with his friend ~3 yrs ago while me & him were on a break and me and her are like friendly acquaintances and we went to her baby shower, gender reveal party, & he went to her wedding, all after they did it. he really only told me now bc her husband i guess just found out somehow and msgd my bf about it and said he’ll go msg me about it. he didnt want me to find out first thru someone else, which i appreciate that he was able to tell me first, but its also like okay damn they really did that. and yes it was years ago so i honestly didnt feel hurt about it i was just more shocked. like.. he was on a break with me and felt single and he says shes cheated before so it just happened with them and they didnt do it again. funny thing is that her husband was already suspicious of him years ago and thinking he was only friends with her to do stuff and now shit, he was partially right. honestly, thats a dumb mistake on her end, like she was engaged or almost engaged at the time. also, for the record, he hooked up with (for what i know now) 2 other people during that time period, so 3 within our 1 month break. one didnt involve any feelings i presume and the other one had a shit ton bc they went on actual dates and shit and she ended it bc they both or just she didnt wanna settle. she was 3 yrs younger than him and yes.. i did stalk her a bit bc i needed to know, why her, who she is, etc. and i could already tell she got around..but whatever, i already coped from that lol. back to his friend, he knows she was with someone & he knows her man already didnt like him. even tho she didnt care, he still went along with it bc hes been wanting to do that since the day they became friends. it all makes sense. he met her in school when he was still with his ex so i dont have anything to say about that part but like, again…

[thedevilsrain]

waw personal post about having sisters and radicaI feminsm underneath

had like. an interesting chat with my sister about... basically trans issues yesterday. she isnt a full blown t3rf, she basically agrees Trans People Exist And Are Not Perverts (a thought my other sister doesnt share), but she agrees with a lot of transphobic and t3rf sentiments, mostly out of sheer ignorance

i broke down to her a few stereotypes, such as that there is a binary between trans people and their appearance (transfems are always feminine, transmascs are always masculine, non binary people are always "androgynous"), told her there are trans people who dont go on t, and that trans women literally never equalize their upbringings to that of cis women - they equalize their upbrings to that of other trans women

also told her that the fact transmascs are rarely seen in media/news arent because of "misogyny", its because the media finds it much easier to attack a "man" dressed as a "woman", than a "woman" dressed as a "men" (which then reveals their own transphobia because they just think the latter case is a "confused woman" while the first is a "pervert" if that makes sense)

and like.. it was good. she listened. again, most of it came from ignorance - hearing all the shit our other sister says, and not knowing any trans people herself, besides from the videos of Bad Trans People she would see shared around

(specifically, she brought up a video she'd told me about before, of a trans person at a rally saying "Iesbians will suck dick!" and saying she was baffled by it; to which i calmly explained there were not just trans women who were lesbians, but cis women who dated them, and that the matter of genitaIia isnt, for the lack of a better word, "ignored" or "forced" upon cis women)

funny enough the only thing we hit a wall out was the word t3rf itself - i told her at the end that it was nowhere close to being a slur like the T slur, and she said "t3rf is to feminits what the T slur is to trans people". when i told her "being called a t3rf doesnt get you killed in the streets" she scoffed and said "of course it does", even she stated herself braziI remains the country that kills the most trans people

i gave up after that mostly because we were both kind of tired, but another thing i hit a roadblock at was when she said "i'm honestly just tired of this whole discussion", and it honestly hurt me a bit. not because she didnt want to continue discussing it, but idk, just the way she said it made it seem like "oh can we discuss if trans people deserve to live some other day"

and on a darker note when i told her our sister wants trans people to die, she said (jokingly) "no she doesnt, she just wants them like.... to go away", and i said "yeah, go away, hide in the closet, and die" and she actually laughed and agreed because we both know that its the level our other sister has reached

overall again as i said, surprisingly good talk. shes very hesitant to mention the topic of trans issues with her Igbt friends because of her own bigoted friends, and i hope shes at least more willing to learn now

also she hopefully learned that jk roIando (as i call her) Is Bad because shes literally associating w friends of neo nazis now lol