#also even in canon he's not. like. particularly empathetic

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

jasper moodboards are the funniest fucking thing on twilight tumblr i'm sorry

[burst-of-iridescent]

I hate when people say(*writers*) when zuko is an emo bad boy. When zuko acts "emo" and "badboy" as they say it's him reacting to his trauma and abuse as a kid(most of time. Zuko is still badass. But badboy no). Is it an excuse? No. But when zuko is acting that way in canon, his obsession with honor, his yelling, his moodiness, his short temper. That is the product of having his empathy literally beaten/burned out of him by his father(and mocked and emotionally abused by Azula). The reason Zuko is doing this whole thing is because he wants to please his father. Become someone he's not. His struggle of who his father wants to be with who he is. It's because of the abuse of his father and his family. As the series goes on you get more and more flashes of the person Zuko was and the person he can become. By the end of the series it's such a great contrast and Zuko is much more happier because he's with the gaang. His family. He got out of that abusive situation he was in and finally became himself. A dorky, empathetic, caring, skilled swords men, a balanced person. Does he still have moments of anger? Yes. But over all Zuko becomes a fully balanced person.

gasp! but if we don't call zuko a bad boy, however will we make sure people don't get any ideas about shipping him with katara?

jokes aside, you're absolutely right and i roll my eyes so hard when people point to bad things zuko did, or his behaviour pre-redemption as indisputable proof of the kind of person he'd be post-redemption. like you said, a lot of zuko's actions and mannerisms before day of black sun is a direct result of the trauma he suffered, and though that doesn't excuse him - and neither does the show allow it to - discounting it entirely is to erase the abuse zuko endured and how that shaped him.

using the first half of book 3 as evidence of zuko being a supposed bad boy irks me in particular because a) the narrative makes it pretty clear that this is zuko as the worst version of himself, the opposite of everything he actually is and could be, and b) he is stuck in an abusive household at the mercy of his abusers, in an actively life-threatening situation.

zuko knows that he is in a situation where he has no real agency, freedom or control. he knows that aang is alive, that azula has turned him into a scapegoat and that his life will be forfeit if his father finds out the truth. that is an incredibly terrifying and stressful situation to be put in and it's worsened by the fact that he can't even admit it - not just because doing so would mean accepting that he gave up everything that actually mattered in the catacombs to gain nothing in return, but also because no one around him will allow him to do so.

his girlfriend can't understand his experiences or his turmoil and doesn't seem to particularly want to, brushing off his anxieties and encouraging him to stay the course. he is manipulated by his father and gaslighted by his sister, aware deep down that he is entirely under their control and that they have a vested interest in keeping him helpless, yet forced to pretend as though nothing is wrong. he is isolated from the one person who could help - his uncle - physically and emotionally, both because visiting iroh puts zuko in danger, and because zuko's choices have created a rift in their relationship.

all of this compounds the psychological stress zuko is experiencing, forcing him into a constant state of fight-or-flight, and this context is vital to understanding many of the decisions he makes and how he behaves in the first half of book 3.

(this is why i don't agree with the take that hiring combustion man is an ooc moment for zuko because even though i think the idea of combustion man himself is stupid - not to mention disrespectful to the hindu origins it's pulling from - it's a fundamentally desperate move, and zuko at this point is more desperate than he's ever been.)

that's why it's unlikely that zuko post-redemption would behave similarly since many of the factors that contributed to his anger, hostility and moodiness would no longer exist! judging zuko's future behaviour based on a time when he was constantly abused, gaslighted and threatened is just not an accurate or fair means of measurement, especially since we know what he's like at his best. the zuko we see with the gaang still has a bit of a short fuse, sure, but he's also sincere, honest, awkward, shy and far happier than he's ever been. because shocker, people tend not to act the same way in healthy, supportive environments as they do in abusive, traumatic ones. who would've thought?

people who make this argument also usually tend to compare zuko to aang, especially to glorify how aang remains cheerful and peaceful despite his trauma, and... no. just no. first of all, the show barely gives a fuck about developing aang's trauma the way it does zuko's so of course it seems to affect him less, and secondly, there's something to be said about how trauma responses like aang's are a lot more palatable and comfortable for audiences than responses like zuko's, or even katara's in the southern raiders.

anger or moodiness, or wanting to punish the people who hurt you, are not inherently wrong ways to react when you've been wronged and traumatized. praising aang for remaining cheerful and forgiving while calling zuko a bad boy for being angry and moody implies a sense of moral superiority that comes with reacting to trauma in the "right" way, which is both inaccurate and insensitive.

zuko will never be aang, and that's fine. he doesn't have to be. he ends the show reclaiming everything his abusers tried to take from him, having found himself and his destiny, in a place of healing that is all his own. that is an incredibly meaningful and powerful narrative, and the last thing zuko deserves is to have all of his complexity and development stripped just to be reduced to the tired trope of a "bad boy" when he was never one in the first place.

[antianakin]

@theneutralmime

I assume you mean the Coruscant Guard and not the GAR as a whole. We do see Fox during the Fives arc responding directly to an order from Palpatine, but he's also IN PALPATINE'S OFFICE already because they're playing bodyguard in the moment. The GAR would be subordinate to Palpatine obviously, because he is the Chancellor of the Republic. Everybody is subordinate to Palpatine, that's kind-of how it works, it's just that most of the other clones seem to sort-of report more directly to a Jedi General or a civilian officer of some kind before they report to Palpatine.

So whether the CG reports directly to Palpatine or not is sort-of up to speculation as far as I can tell. It's possible that a reference book might have something more to say about it, but what we're shown in TCW isn't conclusive. There's never any indication that the CG have a Jedi General of any kind, so they presumably have to report to SOMEONE and most people just assume that this is Palpatine. It's just as possible though that there IS someone else they report more directly to normally, like Mas Amedda maybe or someone like Tarkin perhaps. The CG just aren't explored enough to really give any sort-of definitive answer as to who they report to directly. Palpatine is the ultimate authority so his orders would supersede anybody else's no matter who they came from.

As for Fox's personality, I have basically the same answer. He really isn't explored enough as a character to really say he has a "murderous" personality. He's in all of a few minor scenes across the entire show and he's always working and he never even has his helmet off, so figuring out his personality is a little difficult. Most of what people know his personality to be comes out of fanon, not canon. The closest I can think of to something he says that might give a hint as to his personality is when he tells Ahsoka that he understands why she'd kill Letta Turmond but that he still has to arrest her for doing it. It's not murderous by my interpretation, but it does show that he has empathy and is willing to treat Ahsoka with kindness despite what his duty requires him to do. He does help chase her down after she escapes from her cell and a bunch of his men seem to have died at her hand, but there doesn't seem to be anything particularly personal or vindictive about it, it just means he doesn't have the time or motivation to offer her the same empathy he did earlier.

So sure, he seems focused on work and pretty professional, but we also only ever get shown him WHILE WORKING, we never see him in any kind of downtime. And the one line that seems to showcase a little extra personality is actually intentionally empathetic towards someone he should see as a criminal. He doesn't have to extend that empathy to Ahsoka in the moment, but he does, and that seems to go forgotten quite a lot.

[wjehfshs]

Realistic Ghost hcs (+reader S/O)

Angst/mentions of Ghosts past

Although he canonically drinks alcohol I think he prefers to only do it when alone due to his past

Due to his father, he’s scared of what he might do when drunk. He knows realistically he’s not like his father at all and he’d never lay a hand on you or anyone else but there’s this nagging thought in the back of his mind that asks him “what if?”

So although he’ll go to pubs/bars, parties, and is completely fine with dealing with drunk people

He just can’t handle the idea of being drunk around you or others

If he needs a drink he’ll usually go into the car or something, he won’t bring the keys though because he’s smart enough to know alcohol + car keys is a bad idea

I’m sorry but this man would be very difficult to have as a partner

He loves you, would never lay a hand on you or would do anything abusive, and he definitely means well but he’s so traumatised and constantly in survival mode

You’ll ask him a question and he’ll struggle to think and will start rambling on about something else (AKA he has trouble tracking)

He’s constantly on high alert and is very aware

Probably has to sleep with a weapon in the bedroom at night

Just to make him feel okay

Night terrors almost daily

Sometimes he’ll sleep on the couch because he’s scared he might accidentally hurt you if he’s panicked

Usually only does it after a particularly bad night terror

He takes so many medications for mental illness and health problems caused by it

When you first got with him it took him months to even sleep in the same bed as you

Luckily he is smart enough to have a therapist and multiple doctors

He also makes enough money for it too

Took him a year to get intimate with you

Hates stuff like licking and biting during it because it brings him back to those traumatic moments

Prefers highly to love make instead of fuck

If you are fucking he has to be the dominant one or else it’s a no go

He hates the feeling of being out of control

If you also have trauma around intimacy it’s only love making, unless you say other wise and you are completely confident in it and say it at least 5+ times he is only going to make love

He’s just so scared either of you will get triggered

Specifically you

He can handle his own panic attacks but the idea of causing that for you make him spiral, he hates it

That being said, he has frequent panic attacks and flash backs, and whenever it does happen he avoids you until he feels like he can handle shit

But he is a very empathetic and caring lover

He’s cold on the outside as a defence mechanism but once he warms up a bit he’s so caring

Understands more than anyone how painful shit can be so if you’re even just a little bit upset, and up for it, he’ll hold you for hours

Or if not he’ll set everything up for you and then leave you to it

Whatever you need he’s there

All in all he’s very caring and slowly healing but it’s going to take a lot of time and he’ll forever be changed by what happened to him

(Although to do think he’d be one of those grandpas sitting down in his armchair, telling his grandkids about his past with a huge smile and laughing)

[w33nies]

Qué Maravilla CH.1

Next ChapterMiguel O'hara x SpiderReader rating: E for Everyone bby warnings: none? lots of angst tbh summary: You and Miguel don't see eye to eye about Miles and canon events. Arguments arise and so do some secrets. art is not mine!!!! @uzuriart on insta !!!

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Ch. 1 - Only You

“I’m not asking,” said Miguel. 

 The boy he was speaking to was the poster child of the unbridled virtue and righteousness you’ve come to associate with the youth. Rebellious, head-strong, and empathetic (possibility to a fault). You had heard of this boy, Miles Morales. The first anomaly. The accidental spiderman. He was surrounded by O’Hara and his subordinates who stood as a silent imposing force, no doubt working to disway him by their sheer numbers alone. But the boy? The boy stood his ground. Like an outsider looking in. Or was it an insider looking out? Nonetheless, you knew it took a strong man to be able to stand alone and that he had the makings of a great spiderman, probably one of the best. 

Miguel on the other hand, stood with his hands on his hips. Towering frame staring down the teenager with an almost paternal sternness. A monument of the now unshakable chain of command he had built from the ground up. Firm in his stance and belief like a river that would not divert its course.

 While everyone in the Spider Society was on the same page, every once in a while there were voices of dissent that would arise from the younger spider folk. The biggest in recent memory probably being the shaky ethics of the ‘Go Home Machine.’ You have been in the Spider Society for about 6 months now. To your knowledge no one had ever been bold or, dare you say, foolish enough to bring their qualms to Miguel directly, not even Hobie. But the scene before you was probably the most definitive example of the growing uncertainty in authority brewing amongst the younger spiders. It was like experiencing one great big generational divide appear right before your eyes. 

Despite the stand off taking place a mere few feet in front of you, your mind was beginning to wander elsewhere. Now silently doing the math Miguel had laid out for specifically Miles but also inadvertently for you. 

“Canon Event ASM 90,” O’hara explained, "A Police Captain close to Spider-Man dies saving a kid from falling rubble during battle with an arch-nemesis.” 

That sentence had taken you completely off guard. You looked around the room from spider to spider, each lacking any inkling of the shock you felt hearing that statement. Even towards the holographic display of thousands of spider men and women kneeling in grief over their dead comrades. You knew all about canon events and the ‘fate of the multiverse’ junk Miguel would spew from time to time. Of course you knew everyone had their own radioactive spider bite, an arch nemesis, an Uncle Ben, but Captain? You haven't experienced anything like the things he was chastising the young man before him about . So you raked your mind for anyone that could possibly be. You weren’t close to anyone on the force. In fact, you didn’t have the best relationship with the ‘law enforcement’ of your dimension. They were corrupt, violent, prejudiced, anything and everything they shouldn’t have been. It's the whole reason you became a spider, actually. Was it possible that he told you and you simply forgot then? There’s nobody you knew who would even consider-

Oh.

Oh no. 

  -     -      -

Your niece was 17 years old. She was the only one out of your entire family who knew about your superhero identity, and not by choice either. 2 years ago you had broken through the window of your sister’s house after a particularly harrowing battle against your universe’s version of the Green Goblin, seeking a temporary refuge. You incorrectly asserted that the entire family was on vacation. As a reward for your incompetence your niece caught you battered, bruised, beaten, and maskless in the bathtub. You were basically obligated to tell her after that. The more and more she pried into you about your double life, the more her sense of justice and righteousness grew. You were against her pleas to help you in the beginning, but she proved to be a valuable asset. She was incredibly smart, not to mention scientific, thorough, and calculated. She uncovered scores of classified information, provided live updates during missions, even helped you develop your new high tech suit. In short, she was your girl in the chair. 

One night the two of you were sitting on the top of one of the skyscrapers in downtown Manhattan (thanks to your web slinging) . You were in a low squat with your hands placed between your tip toed feet watching the hustle and bustle of the city below you. 

“You’re brooding again.” She quipped behind you, cutting through your concentration. You turned around to see her tapping her foot and crossing her arms in mock annoyance. 

“Sorry, force of habit.” You chuckle as you back away from the dangerous ledge opting to lean against it instead. 

“So...I’ve been thinking…” She starts with her hands in her coat pocket, swaying side to side like a little kid. 

“About what?” you raise your eyebrow, half expecting one of her outlandish requests, like when she asked you to pick her up from school in costume in front of her friends or when she tried to convince you to crash her friends’ moms’ wedding (also in costume). “Just so you know, I’m not gonna slingshot you out the-” 

“No! About the city! Look…,” she gave a deep sigh before continuing “I hate that I know so much about what’s hurting this city and I… can’t do anything.” 

“What?...What do you mean?” 

“What do you mean, what do I mean?!” she said frantically waving her hands to find the words she had been mulling over for ages, but were now escaping her. “Like- Look at you! You have superpowers. You fight crime. You…you’re changing the world and I…” she slumped over, putting her hands in her pockets “Never mind, just forget it.” 

“You know I couldn’t do any of this without you kid.” You watched her face, still coated gloom. “We’re like Sherlock and Watson,” you joked, attempting to lift her spirits. 

“I know…,” she walked next to you now resting her arms on the ledge staring intently at the skyline. “But I could do so much more. I don't want to…ugh… I just- I don’t want to hide in my room and watch innocent people get hurt anymore.” 

Those words shocked you into silence. A tense quiet that seemed to last hours. Only to be broken by her soft whisper.

“I’m gonna change New York. I’m going to change everything.” she spoke in such a hushed tone it would’ve easily been lost to the wind for your heightened senses. “ The gangs, the politicians, the police- all of it. I’m gonna change it all. Whatever it takes. Imma do whatever it takes…'' she spoke, never breaking the determined gaze with the city below her.. It was a declaration similar to the one you made 3 years ago when life decided it had more interesting plans in store for you. ‘She’d make a great spider’ you thought to yourself  ‘and an even better leader’. You contemplated telling her so but you bit your cheek. Instead, you playfully shoved her shoulder with your own. 

“And I’ll be right there with you. Every step of the way.”

“And this time you’ll be Waston.” 

You laughed, “Dream on kid.” 

  -     -     -

Shouldn’t wouldn’t. Would She? 

But she could and that alone was enough to solidify your stance. 

It’s a culmination of sounds that pulls you from your thoughts. You look up and see chaos. Miles bangs his fists on the holographic barricade that now confines him. Did Miguel have that on him the entire time? Spiders all around you now murmuring in confusion amongst themselves, Jessica giving Hobie a ‘stern talking to,’ and Gwen and Miguel in the midst of a shouting match. 

“Miguel, is all of this really necessary?,” you wedge yourself between Miguel and Gwen “He’s just a kid.” 

“He doesn’t know any better-” Gwen started.

“- But you do,” O’hara was seething, fingers jabbed threateningly close to her face. He was growing defensive. 

Wait a minute, even Gwen knew? She had been inducted into spider society less than half the time you have and she knew. When you first joined Spider Society Miguel practically took you under his wing and showed you the ropes himself. You had been on so many missions together you had honestly lost count. The hours of tracking anomalies, preserving canons, scouring through files and files of spiderman lore, discussing hot take after hot take on the yet to be discovered intricacies of the multiverse. Come to think of it, you knew canon events like the back of your hand, he made sure of that. There was simply no way a spiderman hallmark of this magnitude would just slip your mind. 

“Miguel, We need to-” 

You’re interrupted by a loud screeching bang that shakes the tower and rumbles the ground beneath you. You shielded your eyes from the source of the blinding light. When you regained focus you spotted Miles, free of his confinement yet frozen in place like a deer in headlights. He glanced at Miguel who, now kneeling on the floor, unveiled his eyes and returned his gaze with his own look of genuine surprise. Then, without missing a beat Miles booked it towards the archway leading out of the tower.

“MILES!” Miguel took off after the boy, starting on all fours before leaping upright with the speed of a demon and a glare bordering on insanity. You watched as all of the spider kind chased after him. You shook the initial shock out of your body and began running. 

‘What in the actual hell is going on?’ you thought to yourself.  

-    -    -

You feel a knot grow in the pit of your stomach as the mechanical arm grabs Gwen and yanks her to the platform. 

“Go home Gwen.” Miguel’s voice booming throughout the entire space. If there were any naysayers, none of them dared to voice their concerns, not now. 

Gwen fought futilely against the strength of the machine holding her to the platform. She shot her web in search of an anchor but to no avail and then began to pound against the barrier threatening to snuff her from the dimension completely. As if that wasn’t enough, her last interaction with Miguel rattled your core.

“We’re supposed to be the good guys, ” she asserted. 

“We are,” was all he managed in response. 

The words traveled down your spine like ice. While you all had a good grasp on the in’s and outs of the multiverse, even Miguel had to admit there were so many things waiting to be discovered, not to mention the assertions you all held that could just be plain wrong. Could this be one of them? Could you all remain connected in different ways?

“Miguel.” you turn so fast you end up stumbling after him. He’s already barking orders and dividing everyone into search parties. Portals begin opening ang whirring all around you, this man really doesn’t waste any time. “Miguel,” you repeat. He ignores you.

“Miguel!” You shout, assuming he couldn’t hear you over all the scrambling and shouting. 

“Miguel!” He begins typing coordinates on his watch until a portal appears behind him. “Whatever you have to say, it can wait until after I fix this, ” he turns to step through the portal. 

 “Miguel O’Hara! Look at me!” 

-    -    -  

Miguel paused with his back to you. He let his head fall back as he heaved a strong, guttural sigh with slumped shoulders. You sounded just like her. Well, of course you did, you were her. Only you would use his full name like that when you were frustrated with him. 

He stood there gazing at the ceiling for a few seconds before grudgingly sliding his hands down the front of his face and letting them fall to his sides. He slowly turned towards you. 

“Yes.” he said, clearly agitated.

He didn't mean to sound rude, but he really didn't have time for this. He had seen first hand how things like this turn out. He saw it himself. He saw it with Gabi. And he saw it with you. Nonetheless, he looked you in the eyes and felt a sting in his chest seeing you in this nervous state. Your breath was shaky, panicky almost, “We’re all going to lose someone? Every one of us.” It broke his heart. You sounded the same as the day he lost you.

“Yes, all of us. Look,” he stepped closer to you and fought the urge to tuck a strand of loose hair behind your ear. “Losing people is what makes us-”

“-Tell me it isn’t my niece.” 

“What?” 

“Miguel.” You struggled to steady your trembling hands you held out in front of you. “Tell me. Tell me it isn’t-Tell me you didn’t know this whole time.” 

He instinctively reached his hands out to hold you but stopped. Every time he’s near you it’s like he’s fighting his very nature. Fighting tooth and nail the urge to pull you close to his chest, stroke your hair, and tell you everything was going to be alright, and that he would take care of you. He keeps forgetting you aren’t the same. Well, you were the same, but it wasn’t the same. Not because you were a spider woman, but because you weren’t his. Because he wasn’t yours. Not since the day he failed to save you. Not since the day he watched you die. 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. He couldn’t bring himself to lie to you. He knew you loved your niece. You would dote on her like she was your own child, he would know. You boasted of her achievements like they were yours, pulling up her baby pictures every now and then forcing Miguel to gush over them with you. You were the same way with Gabi. ‘I guess you’re just naturally a good mother’ he thought to himself and it never failed to make him smile. So how could he have possibly told you? How could he explain? He couldn’t. So he stayed silent. Lowering his head to avoid the guilt that your unforgiving stare bore into him.   

“You cannot be serious.” 

“It’ll happen years from now. Cariño, listen to me, there’s no way-”

“-Don’t cariño me.”

“I’m doing this for you.” Fuck. “For us.” Double Fuck. “I mean- I- This is for the good of the entire multiverse.” 

“There just-,” your voice caught in your throat. You swallow hard before closing the space between you too, placing two balled fists on his chest while looking up at him with glossy eyes .  “There has to be another way.” He lifted his hands to gently cradle your elbows, prompted by the burning in his stomach upon seeing you so distressed. 

There was only one other time he saw you with this exact look on your face. 

And so Miguel O’Hara found himself stuck between a rock and a hard place. Never had he ever anticipated something he would put above the needs of the multiverse. Not since he lost you. But now that he “had” you… 

“If you think I'm going to help you, you’re out of your mind O’Hara.” 

You stepped back, removing your hands from his front. Your pleading gaze now mixed with wounded determination. He could practically feel you slipping through his fingers all over again. 

Miguel had half a mind to beg on his hands and knees if he had to, just to keep you by his side. Where he could protect you. Where he’d know you’d be safe. He quickly regained his composure and bit his cheek. He didn’t always like what he had to do. 

“Then don’t,” he spat, turning around to avoid your gaze. " Layla, keep her here and don’t let her leave under any circumstances.”

“Whatever you say, boss,” the A.I. said unenthusiastically. 

You make a break towards the portal before he tosses a trapping device at your feet, confining you to the same barrier that held the distraught teen no less than an hour ago. 

“Miguel! Miguel stop!” you yelled and slammed all your weight against the electronic prison, but it was no use. 

He stepped through the portal and sighed, releasing the tension in his body he didn’t realize he was carrying. Never had he ever encountered something he would put above the needs of the multiverse. Not even you, he told himself. You were part of the initial accident that led to him building this empire in the first place.. So naturally only you could get him to pause and reconsider even if only for a second. Because after losing Gabi, it was only you he was doing all of this for. You were the reason he swore to protect the multiverse.

You and only you.

[twoheadedcalfsanctuary]

DNDADS ASTRO HEADCANNONS PART ONE

Glenn Close- TAURUS SUN

preoccupied with sensation/tangible pleasures like food, sex, drugs, I feel like music could even be part of this even though it’s not tangible it’s still a sensory experience. Aesthetic informs meaning. More likely to blame circumstance than self.

stubborn. stands up for himself and his friends and accomplishes the impossible through sheer force of will! But,,, also sticks with bad situations, people, and thought patterns/behaviors long past harm is done.

venusian. inclined towards the arts, and has very specific tastes. romantic. as sort of a beautiful reframing of the stubbornness, taurus’ coloring of the Venusian energy is so devoted compared to flirty/flighty libra-He still considers himself married long after his wife is gone and still wears his wedding ring.

Darryl Wilson- SCORPIO SUN

allergic to vulnerability (but expects it from the people around him)

once those emotions are uncorked though, they are INTENSE

fitting for a barbarian to be ruled by mars, the planet of ACTION and RAGE

Scorpio is the sister sign to taurus and is said to be just as devoted!

I’ve also heard it said before that scorpio is just cancer in a leather jacket- I feel like that really fits the parallels Darryl has with Grant, who I’d list as a Cancer sun, because they’re similarly guarded, but Darryl is still this intimidating figure to Grant and it kind of accounts for that added angle of how well either of them are able to adhere to traditional masculine standards and how that effects the way Grant sees Darryl.

Henry Oak-Garcia- canonically a GEMINI SUN if I remember correctly!

genuine love for exchange of information and ideas combined with a love of hearing himself talk and being seen as intellectual makes for a lot of ideological rambling

friendly and sociable!

air sign emphasis on communication.

Mutable energy that can mean struggling a lot with identity and dissonance-conscious morals needing to be abandoned under disparate circumstances, repression and disowning of how he was raised and where he comes from, and sometimes just a straight up inaccurate perception of self (presenting as laid back, and occasionally believing it himself despite being very high strung. The points when self hatred and/or sense of moral righteousness clouds his ability to be as nonjudgmental as he says he is)

Ron Stampler- PISCES SUN

head in the clouds

sensitive

ruled by neptune, planet of dreams and illusion- homie has symbolically significant dreams and is sliiightly less tethered to reality than most hahshshhshsb

and CANCER MOON!

empathetic

relates to others by sharing personal experience, attempts to show evidence of understanding

insecure, defensive

Vibes of a cartoon character. Those “Drake the type guy…” memes also apply to him

CAPRICORN RISING

very important to him that he is taken seriously, particularly in his career and fatherhood, two things frequently attributed to the archetypal capricorn

Played by Beth May, real life capricorn

With his rising opposing moon, the way he thinks/makes decisions/internally reacts to things makes it difficult for him to actually be taken seriously. This fella is deeply silly In a tragical way

[qevillous]

hai hello i wanted to ask abt how u view shadow s5 and any hc's you have for them as sort of both individuals and as a group :3 go as in depth as you like im a sucker for long detailed explanations

OUYH MY GOOOD SHADOW S5 OH MY GAGGDG

OH MYG OD okay hey

shadow s5 as a dynamic is so interesting to me because its very similar yet very VERY different all the same because of exactly who gets changed.

so first on like individual levels heres how i take the shadows ahem clears throat (STINKS that we dont have canon aloarmy but okayyy hinodeya)

shadow rider is canonically a coward, hes nervous and self doubting. hes verrrry exaggerated in the manga so i like to exaggerate him in writing. i think hes more of an incompatible follower who cant get picked by anyone instead of a compatible loner who chose to be alone like normal rider.

shadow army has no canon interp so i interpet them similarly to how eging jr was flipped but in reverse. theyre less organized, they dint fuckin button their shirt right they wear their coat unzipped shitty tie shitty facepaint yk the deal. i also interpret them as more aggresively rebellious where normal army is more of a passive stickler. that basically means they’re more laid back and explicit. 

shadow aloha ALSO has no canon. so i interp him as a loooserrr LMAO very sarcastic but very pessimistic, where normal aloha is more of a sarcastic optimist. he comments on shit in the background like hes talkin to someone even tho nobody gives a fuck what he thinks and he doesn’t particularly care about his surroundings. overall just the loser in the corner of a party sitting down holding a drink instead of the main focus. 

shadow mask is silly. silly guy. they’re obviouslt exaggerated a LOT in the manga so i like to tone them down just a bit, acting more happy for the sake of being happy instead of high energy. that contrasts masks ideal of being cynical for the sake of being cynical. i think both are sarcastic but on shadow masks side xe doesn’t mean it, and they come off as insincere, explaining how their excitement at the battle felt like excessive overkill despite it not being so.

shadow skull is very similar to normal skull in expressiveness, but is different in awareness. i think shadow skull is very aware of his surroundings but not very emotionally empathetic. i think what he lacks in empathy is made up for in his directness. 

shadow s5 is interesting because it pretty much completely throws the social dynamic of s5. normal s5 is 1 extrovert 1 ambivert 3 introverts, and instead of shadow s5 being 4 extroverts 1 ambivert 1 introvert, shadow s5 is ACTUALLY 2 extroverts 3 introverts. which makes it even more interesting because of just how much more balanced it makes their social interactions split into duos.

for example shadow raimask is very chill since they both share a similar mindset, where shadow raimask is chaos because they have directly oppising mindsets. on the flip side shadow alomask is direct opposites, and normal alsomask is ALSO direct opposites but swapped over. i could talk about it for a while but i think i would start rambling like a crazy person. i like the idea of shadow s5 in a more casual light instead of the manga’s exaggerated one. it would give more insight to their personalities and interactions but we cant have Anything can we bcz hindodeya haaaates meeeeee.

[lttleghost]

The Thematic Relevance of Jesse as an Egg

(no significance to this picture I just think he's pretty here)

This headcanon is one that I have become increasingly passionate about as I have rewatched Breaking Bad, the more I think about it the more I feel that this headcanon is the most supported version of Jesse being trans based on direct observations of canon. It is primarily based on parallels, and largely focuses on "what if Jesse realizes he's not a cis guy like he thought parallel to realizing he's not cut out to be the criminal he thought he was?" also I will be pointing out how Jesse's initial sense of self, or who he tries to be, is disconnected from who he actually is and how that also works very well as support for Jesse realizing he's trans during the story

in Breaking Bad there is a common pattern of characters being introduced in a way where their first impression is at least somewhat different from the character that we come to know. While I myself liked Jesse from the very start, I wasn't quite expecting just how much of a kind, empathetic and conflicted young adult he ended up showing himself as. Each character whose initial introduction contrasts who they end up being generally has some aspect of themselves believing the mask that they put up to others, but I think Jesse has a particularly strong disconnect between who he thinks he is, who he thinks he should be, and who he really is.

I think my most solid example of this has to do with Jesse's superhero characters-

furthermore when Jane leaves to check the door, you see Jesse looking at his drawings and he seems to be considering something, and I think it's likely that he is further considering the idea that he was in fact drawing himself

NEW UPDATED POST, PLEASE READ THIS ONE INSTEAD: https://lttleghost.tumblr.com/post/701123507095027712/i-wrote-this-analysis-awhile-back-and-wanted-to

I do believe that Jesse's superhero drawings were either 'sonas' of himself - whether or not he made the conscious decision to draw them that way. I think this because his response to Jane mentioning they all looked like him, and after initially denying it, was "like you've never wanted a superpower," which felt to me like an admission that he has wanted a superpower, and that his drawings might've been a manifestation of this

and I think it's interesting because currently Jesse is a criminal right? and while superheroes are as well, I feel most people would categorize them as a different type of criminal than Jesse is; but in any case he's got all of these drawings of what seems to be himself as a superhero, while in the present he is simply a criminal, and not the vigilante type that a superhero is. and considering he used the exact words "fight crime" when describing what his superhero characters do, it might show that inherently he wants to do something good

I think a large part of why Jesse ended up as a criminal is it was likely the only thing he thought he could successfully do for a decent living, since he has no support from his parents, or anyone outside of the drug trade. Not only that, but he's aggressively ADHD coded. the combination of having so little support, battling addiction, and having undiagnosed ADHD would make slogging through any job he seemed to have access to, or would be encouraged to do, a complete nightmare. So I feel like much of him falling into the drug trade was because it was something he could reasonably achieve and live off of, as well as it becoming something Jesse, an artist, has some enjoyment doing as he stated that "cooking is art." Another factor could be that there’s a sort of rebelliousness stemming from how normal society failed him. but I think that to deal with the more harsh aspects of that life, even before Walt re-entered his life and made everything increasingly worse, Jesse had to play into a specific role, a criminal, and convince himself that that was who he really was so that he could survive

I'm also curious as to when Jesse started making meth because he said he drew his superhero pictures four years ago, specifically phrasing it as "I was a kid when I drew these it was like... four years ago", and he's twenty four in that scene, meaning he would've been twenty when he drew them. I think it would've been even more interesting if he had just started making meth around that point and if his drawings were almost a subconscious vent about how he wishes he was sort of doing something different, something still rebellious in some way maybe but also something that directly helps others since Jesse's care and empathy surfaces time and time again throughout the show even when he tries to hide it, but that's more speculation on my part

so relating this all to gender: while in reality masculinity and being a man isn't intrinsically tied to criminality at all, Breaking Bad does tie them together in some ways, and though it is specifically toxic masculinity it's still reasonable to parallel Jesse not fitting in with the criminal world with him not being entirely a man, if he ends up having any connection to being one at all. Other than Jesse having dissonance in terms of his identity and how it becomes more and more apparent throughout the series that being the type of criminal that he is doesn't suit him well, looking back, even at the start of the show his attempts to act in this hyper-masculine way that is more or less the norm in the drug trade comes off as really fake for the most part. Even in episode one when he's talking to Krazy 8, who mentions that Emilio thinks that Jesse might've ratted him out, while Jesse responding with “that's bullshit” sounds genuine, when he goes to say "I should kick his (Emilio's) punk ass for even thinking that" I not only personally think his tone of voice sounds like fake bravado, I also believe that there is no way Jesse actually thinks that he can take on Emilio, considering Jesse has a body type that resembles a lil twig and I seriously doubt he has such little self awareness that he wouldn't consider that.

I also think Jesse's romantic relationships are telling in his separation from other characters in terms of toxic masculinity. While in episode two Jesse does throw the insult "great job at wearing the pants in the family" at Walt in regards to Skyler coming and confronting Jesse, when it comes to his actual actions in a relationship he doesn't show any need to be in control over his partner. In another area regarding relationships there is a scene having to do with Jesse and Jane that I think separates Jesse from the typical idea of toxic masculinity even more - when Jesse asks Jane why she didn't really introduce him to her dad, which evolves into discussing their relationship in which Jane suggests that they're just sleeping together where Jesse clearly was under the impression that they were dating, it places Jesse into a role that is stereotypically assigned to women or female characters in media, and I think that in the case of Breaking Bad, that can be seen as significant

and tying all of those things together forms a solid base for it being thematically relevant and fitting for Jesse to realize he's trans at some point as the story progresses. Jesse discovers his gender identity as he is learning and discovering other parts of his general identity as a whole. I don't have any true "proof" for this headcanon, as Jesse was not written to be lgbt+ and this headcanon is drawn from parallels that weren't intended, but those parallels can still be observed regardless and are relevant to Jesse's character arc as well as not bringing up any conflicts or questions with canon material that we are given

I also have my own ideas of the progression of Jesse discovering his identity as a trans person when he questions and represses his gender more and more. this will be told through the lens of my specific interpretation for Jesse, where he's a gender nonconforming transfem person (even before I started to consider that he could be trans I always found him to be "inexplicably feminine") who doesn't medically transition. I think he is a butch lesbian personally as while his connection to "manhood" is nothing but negative, he seems to have some expressions of masculinity that are fine with him, and approaching them as a transfem lesbian would cross into those few aspects of masculinity feeling comfortable again, but since I believe any identity where Jesse realizes he's trans during canon can equally be supported by this analysis, I feel some events could be altered to fit any identity that falls under that category

I don't think Jesse had many notable Gender (™) experiences other than just generally feeling a little out of place, though maybe he couldn't identify how he felt out of place since a lot of things could have contributed to it. Maybe he could've been interested in "girls’ stuff" as a lil kid but with his parents being the shitty type of people that just seem to want a "normal" child, I imagine they discouraged it. I can also see Jesse at some point when he's older screwing around with his friends and putting a dress on and saying something out loud along the lines of "haha I look like such a queer don't I" but internally thinking "I will die before I tell anyone how this is making me feel"

but in the show, up until he's in a relationship with Jane, I think he had fully convinced himself that he is a cis man, but after meeting Jane and starting to date her, I can see how she might have started to introduce him to more gender-related stuff. I do believe Jane is bi and maybe trans, I don't have any solid evidence for my hcs relating to Jane, except for maybe her approach to relationships feels very not straight, as does her fashion sense. If you want to interpret her as trans I think her gender identity could reasonably be within a wider range than Jesse, I personally think her appearance is what she prefers as far as presentation, but it doesn't put any limits on her identity, she could be transfem or gnc transmasc or transneutral, I think there's at least something reasonable to interpret her as any of those things.

In any case, I can picture Jesse mentioning to her something about how he sometimes wishes he wasn't a man, but that he doesn't want to change anything about himself physically or anything so he thinks he is stuck as one, and I can see Jane sort of trying to nudge him in the direction of "the only thing you need to not be a man is to feel like you aren't one" which in all honesty at first I don't think Jesse would be all that receptive of, he still is in deep with the drug trade and it… isn't particularly lgbt friendly and Jesse might subconsciously recognize some danger in realizing he's trans, even if he could opt out of telling people that he is. But as he and Jane continue to get close I think that around her specifically he gets more comfortable questioning and talking about his identity at least to a small extent

but when she dies I think Jesse just goes into total repression mode, more so than ever. as he falls into the persona of "the bad guy" he also dips back into that hyper-masculine behaviour that is so prominent in the drug trade, which also coincides with him seemingly acting more selfish for awhile during large sections of season three (at least until he meets Andrea) because he lost someone so important to him; and, whether or not we're including the headcanon that Jesse was starting to realize he was trans, Jane was still the only person Jesse ever seemed to fully open up to, or at least open up to more than he does with anyone else, so it makes sense that losing that would cause him to close up, even to himself

then after meeting Andrea and everything that follows, I imagine that Jesse drops the full on repression of his gender identity but also isn't trying to actively consider it because there is simply too much going on in his life that is way more of a priority. I sometimes think that maybe he might've told Mike, and while I think Mike himself wouldn't respond negatively from a personal end, I do think he'd probably tell Jesse to please not share that with anyone else, which would technically be good advice but would still likely be discouraging to Jesse

I'd say that Jesse eventually fully figures his gender out is once he is safe after all of the canon events of BrBa, and I like to think about how he'll find a lot of comfort and healing in no longer having to try to be a man, because now he knows he isn't one.

[aroaceleovaldez]

...Has anyone else noticed that everyone defending Will"s characterization in this book. Hasn't actually hit upon any of the things people are upset about? I keep seeing people talking about how he always was portrayed with anxiety and, yeah, we're not contesting that; I'm upset about how he inexplicably won't let Nico shadow travel despite the fact that he shadow travels with Nico all the time, and I'm upset that the book fails to differentiate between constantly trying to "fix" Nico and trying to get him to rest because he was literally going to die that one time.

I honestly did not at all get the feeling from this book that Will was supposed to have an anxiety disorder. As someone with an anxiety disorder. When we're in Will's head it... doesn't feel like an anxiety disorder. Ever. Maybe some normal level anxiety at best? But it literally just feels like dread and apprehension because they're going on a quest to literal superhell. Not an anxiety disorder.

I definitely agree that Will constantly trying to "fix" Nico is incredibly annoying, and is one of my major gripes too, especially since the narrative keeps trying to prove Will right and validate Nico being in the wrong constantly. And yeah I totally agree the mischaracterization of Will fussing over Nico when he's literally one foot in the grave in misinterpreting that to be Will never allowing Nico to use his powers (and conversely, when Nico attempts to do the same thing paint it as Nico being harmful and not knowing what's best for Will, despite Will apparently being entirely in the right for Nico according to the narrative. The book just can't stop infantilizing Nico and making him completely helpless. grrrr.)

The main mischaracterization issue I take with Will is that they made him an asshole. Just an absolute insensitive huge asshole. This isn't even like low-empathy/autistic Will not realizing he's being rude, it's him actively being mean and the narrative never showing repercussions of that, only validating him. Will is a complete and total asshole, particularly to Nico, and the book says he is right about it. Which is HORRIBLE. And this is completely atypical to how we've seen Will in the past! In TLO, Will is serious but empathetic. In most of HoO, he's chill and lax and helpful. In TOA he's both. The only time Will is somewhat rude is in BoO when he's actively trying to keep Nico from keeling over and also this is the first time we see them interact significantly, so we can chalk up this discrepancy to just them trying to find their footing talking to each other. It's absolutely not the kind of dynamic they'd have one year into their relationship (especially not when we literally never see this in TOA). The book also completely retcons the fact that Will actually has an incredibly strong stomach due to being a medic, if not actually finding typically "gross" stuff kind of amusing. The closest acknowledgement we get to that in TSATS is Will liking true crime podcasts, but that honestly just feels like more of a joke poking fun at millennials/gen z kids being really into true crime. At every other point he gets so easily off-put, disgusted, and revolted by absolutely everything. I mean, heck, there's the whole bug house thing - Apollo is literally the god of midges and locusts! That's not a joke, that is a legitimate thing. He's also the father of the god of bees. Give me Will seeing the bug house and going "Oh shit that's epic." We should have gotten Will stumbling through the entire Underworld going "Oh, gross! I love it!" (I've heard others also compare Will's disgust towards the Underworld as feeling coded like someone refusing to respect their partner's culture, which I think is also a very accurate comparison and particularly notable given Nico canonically immigrated to the United States).

Besides the anxiety disorder thing, heck, I asked the PJO discord if anyone could check their ebooks/pdfs and it doesn't seem like the book even references ADHD/dyslexia, which is the literal foundations of the entire series. And throughout the entire book we never get any notes about it, or do Will or Nico ever show any traits of it. The closest we get is Will bounces his leg like one time. They couldn't even get that much right. Not to mention them referencing Nico's eating disorder at the beginning of the book and then immediately forgetting about it and it being implied to be "cured" by the end, and them only remembering Nico's autistic traits when it was to infantilize him, and in general them handling PTSD and depression extremely poorly. Basically the only neurodivergence/mental health topic they touched upon that actually seemed to be done somewhat well was Will have a very overt seasonal affective disorder metaphor/coding. And admittedly, it's kind of hard to fuck that one up with how they coded it.

Literally the only reasons I can think for them characterizing Will as they did in this book are:

a.) They completely mixed him up with Michael Yew, aka basically the only other Apollo kid with a fleshed out personality (and that personality is "asshole") b.) the book was blatantly going for a Percabeth 2 dynamic, and so tried to make Will some awkward fusion between Percy's snark and Annabeth's stubbornness and know-it-all attitudes, resulting in him just being a Huge Jerk c.) Solangelo had too healthy of a dynamic in previous books and to create conflict that would inevitably be overcome within the book they had to completely change Will and Nico's characters to insert it into the story for narrative purposes or d.) they were entirely drawing upon popular "fanon" for solangelo, particularly back from pre-TOA (circa 2014-2016), and because Will in that era was usually characterized as somewhat of an asshole due to his behavior in BoO and everybody was still trying to figure out what to do with him, that interpretation of his character was put into the book.

Whatever the case, it's definitely disappointing and they really didn't succeed in trying to code Will as having an anxiety disorder at all.

[cosmicjoke]

“Why the hell can't we sympathize with a character that isn't like us? Why do they have to be what we are in order for us to care about them? Why do we have to see ourselves in everything?”

Thank you for this. As much as I understand that a part of connecting to literature (or media in general, whatever), when young, depends on how much that is relatable to your own experience, and that is why fair representation is important, I think that like many other things this need has been bastardized and commodified. Now you can’t connect to a character unless you convince your followers that the characters has the same sexual orientation/gender/ethnicity/brain as you do (but in an argument when you remove your personal need from it, and present your need as a hard truth that everybody has to agree to, or else).

You think it helps diversity; in fact, it only makes people see characters as recyclable labels, and people as well.

While I don’t think all the people that do this are assholes (it’s such a widespread trend, claiming I don’t know, bisexuality for this or that other character, that is mainly about being young, insecure, wanting to belong… then there are indeed assholes among those, but not all, and a lot depends on group dynamics, and pervasive violence in internet discussion spaces), I wish there was a clear understanding that the best thing you can do when experiencing stories is to find commonality with people different than you, and that knowing that commonality is part of the human condition, and not because they have the same X diagnosis you have.

*sigh*

Exactly, and well said.

And no, not all of them are assholes, just the ones that harass others and literally try to force their pathological need for these characters to be self-inserts onto everyone else. When they start becoming aggressive and hostile toward anyone who doesn't accept their headcanons as canon, then there's a problem. And those seem to be the ones that dominate fandom spaces, and make the general experience of fandom miserable.

And like I said, this absolute refusal to acknowledge that this or that character isn't them and doesn't encapsulate who they are and what they identify as, is often indicative of how they'll treat people in the real world, flying off the handle at anyone who expresses different views to the ones they hold, or isn't what they are (i.e. this general hatred and demeaning attitude toward anyone who isn't like them, or isn't part of whatever group they identify with).

The idea of story telling, as you said, is to find commonality even with people who AREN'T like you, and through that, to find empathy for one another through our shared humanity. But we've gotten to a point in society now where racial or sexual or gender essentialism has taken over, where once the goal was to render these things obsolete and recognize them as arbitrary and thus non-essential in judging another person. Instead we make them the only thing that matters about someone, and that's also reflected in this obsession with making every character gay, or trans, or nonbinary, or bisexual, or whatever. Because we make those arbitrary characteristics the most essential part of who we are, then we also want to make them the most essential characteristic of everyone else too, including fictional characters, and yeah, it ends up homogenizing everything, instead of creating actual diversity.

Relating this to Levi specifically, it's particularly ironic, since Levi is the most empathetic character in the story, and that empathy extends to people who are very, very different from him. The people that try to force Levi into a box then are completely missing the entire core of his character. Levi should be teaching us about the importance of compassion and empathy and kindness, but instead these people display this attitude toward Levi where, if they can't mold him into exactly what they want him to be, then in their eyes, he's worthless.

[sleepingdeath-light]

finding out that his s/o is a grimwalker hcs ; hunter

requested by ; scenek1dsworld (20/01/23)

fandom(s) ; the owl house

fandom masterlist(s) ; main | hunter only

character(s) ; hunter wittebane

outline ; “Can you do hunter x read who is also a grim walker like where hunter finds out that the reader is a grimwalker? If you get a chance”

warning(s) ; canon typical levels of angst, but some fluff!

note ; i am no longer accepting requests for this character.

it had taken months for hunter to finally work up the courage to tell you about his real origins — about his relation to the emperor, about the golden guards that came before him, and about the ritual that allowed for his existence as the boy he was and the man he grew to be alongside you — and while he had passively expected an empathetic response (perhaps even something resembling pity) from you, the last thing he anticipated was for you to respond with a confession of your own

the conversation that follows your mutual realisations is, naturally, very emotional — cathartic, even — as you each come to terms with the paradoxical feelings of relief of not being alone in what you are, and the grief of what was taken from others to allow you to exist as the people you are

you weep and sob and laugh in each others arms, caught up in the swell of dozens of conflicting emotions, as you discuss everything you’d been keeping to yourselves for the fear of not being understood

the memories of lives lived by a nameless mass of not-quite-you’s that came before — particularly the nightmares that plagued hunter each and every night since he found out the truth

the little quirks that follow you from the various mismatched parts that your creators used to construct you — which gave way to an especially welcome break from the heaviness of your discussion when you realised just how much one of your components had influenced your inclination towards physical affection

the differing, but no less selfish for it, reasons that underpinned your creation

and on and on it goes

the two of you hold each other and talk late into the night, falling asleep beneath your fluffiest blanket wrapped up in each other’s arms — lighter, calmer, relieved, and all the closer for it

[cartyrs]

How do you feel as a CielDoll shipper with recent chapters

this just reminded me that a new chapter is out and i just read it and i'm in the brain dimension. throwing this ask under a readmore bc it got long but it basically just sums up my opinions on the series as a whole rn:

my feelings on kuroshit have been complicated the past few years ngl! more than anything i'm very frustrated with how the story's been paced since the twin reveal, and i've found it very hard to stay engaged as a fan with how slow things are progressing. but that's also not what you asked so i won't rant about that LOL

I have very mixed feelings on this current arc - it's what finally got me back into reading bc DOLL! MY FAVORITE CHARACTER EVER! IS HERE AND I WAS RIGHT THAT SHE'D BE RELEVANT AGAIN!!! I'd really, really like it if Doll lives past this arc and is able to confront Ciel again. I think I might actually drop the series entirely if she dies here because it feels very pointless to me after all these years to bring her back if her whole point was just to [207 spoilers]. I'm really interested to see Ciel's reaction to her rebirth, esp if after coming clean about his true identity that he's able to be honest about the guilt he harbors over killing her. (SINCE YANA PUT DOLL AND JOKER IN THE SAME PANEL AS MADAM RED, CIELS PARENTS, AND R!CIEL IN CH 100, OVER 70 CHAPTERS AFTER NOAHS CIRCUS, ID GO CRAZY IF IT DIDNT MEAN ANYTHING)

I've always seen Doll as being one of if not the most significant character into understanding Ciel - his sympathy for her in Noah's Arc shows that despite how emphatic he is that he's forgone his soul, he does still care about people underneath it all. I'm pretty sure Yana's even said that if circumstances had been different (plot wise and also wealth wise), they could have been really good friends. I think Doll as a foil for Ciel reveals a lot about him - the biggest being her double-identity and reveal, as well as her playful, childish side vs. her cold, killing side (which even then, Doll doesn't want to kill - she just has to. I think deep down, Ciel is the same way). Same with Doll discovering Ciel's brand and having that empathetic moment with him over it, they don't go too deeply on it but Doll's backstory prior to living on the street is that she was abused by her parents and they scarred her face. She knows better than anyone else in the story what that permanent mark of abuse means for Ciel, and that's why she's so sorry she accidentally exposed his brand.

I've never shipped Doll/Ciel in a "canon" sense (like it just wouldn't make that much sense post-doll's "death", she despises him for killing her family, and after knowing what the circus did, she's nothing but a child kidnapper to him, criminal scum that's not worth anything). Their dynamic to me is so much about the "what if things had gone differently?" - which I also apply to Ciel's other friendships, particularly with Soma, Lizzy, and Alois (though season 2 is it's whole own discussion LOL). So much of Ciel's characater arc is about how he was willing to throw his own life and soul away thinking he had nothing after his parent's and r!ciel's deaths, as well as his own disgrace, but kuroshitsuji has shown us time and time again that there are people who deeply love and care about ciel, and if things had been different, if he hadn't sold his soul to the literal devil, he could have lived for them. i love Doll for him in this regard, because she's someone who doesn't know what happened to him. I think a big crux to Ciel's relationship with Lizzy (ignoring the incest aspect because of the period accuracy, but also because of the incest aspect I obviously do not ship them in a romantic sense) is that she knows more than most people about what happened to Ciel and his family, and that humiliates him. Pity and vulnerability humiliate him. This is a huge reason why he can't be honest with Lizzy about what happened - he doesn't want her pity, it only makes his reality that much worse. When he meets Doll, she's a stranger. And despite knowing nothing about him, she worms her way in and tries at every angle to befriend him. Also, given that his betrothal to Lizzy was by force (esp with how he steals her actual fiancees identity lol), I think if Ciel had been able to choose his own partner, he might have chosen someone like Doll.

ANYWAY - that's why I'll be really disappointed if they don't reunite at some point. I have some vague hope, since this is the last of the servant's arcs, maybe we'll get back to Ciel soon and Doll will get the confrontation she deserves. I actually really wasn't expecting [207 spoiler], that changes a lot for the character dynamics in this arc. I unfortunately haven't been a huge fan of Doll's actions in this arc, it feels horrifically out of character for me to believe that after her moral values are laid explicitly clear in circus arc (she feels guilty for kidnapping children and doesnt want to do it, but fears her older siblings retribution and fears Kelvin and feels an obligation to keep her family safe above all else), that she'd be willing to both make connections with the children at this orphanage as well as let them be used to keep her body alive... for what? To kill Ciel? Obviously she was brought back by Undertaker, but I doubt that Undertaker's true intentions are to kill Ciel, given how important the Phantomhives are to him (I think he's probably way more after Sebastian, but that's another thing entirely). So, why did Undertaker bring her back at all? Why is it Snake and Finny that find her, and not Ciel? Her personality once Snake and Finny discover the truth too is just all over the place, I don't particularly buy it.

I've felt that Yana's writing has seemed rushed and lazy since the twin reveal, whether it's her shifting her focus onto TWST, or that she's just trying to wrap up the series as fast as she can, while also still attempting to churn out monthly chapters (if you compare recent kuroshit volumes to old ones, old volumes had maybe 4-5 chapters, while new ones fit about 10 chapters at the same pagecount, so it's also waaay shorter chapters each month that don't quite move the story along). It's obvious to me that now that R!Ciel is out of the bag, the servant chapters have been a way for Yana to finally write plotpoints that she's had on the backburner since early on in the series (Meyrin, Bard, and Snake's backstories) - but IMO, terribly integrated. Finnys backstory in witch-arc is still some of my favorite parts of the series - because the arc itself is incredibly written, and Finny being highlighted fit in so well. It feels like with these mini arcs that Yana's just like oh shit what kind of plot should X servant's backstory come up in, and none of the newer plots/characters have felt deserved (i.e. the maids in meyrin/ran mao's story). Same thing goes for the characters in this arc, the children dressed like the phantomhive servants are just so weird and out of place to me. Why is this a thing??? An orphanage dedicated to making children act like ciel and sebastian and others and then sacrificing them as blood for Doll????? Why???? The whole scenario is weak and far-fetched IMO, I would've rather Doll's reentry (as well as Meyrin/Bard/Snakes backstories) been introduced in a more natural way, it genuinely feels like Yana is throwing all her cards on the table to wrap the series up without any loose strings.

SO, I don't have like, a TON of hope for Ciel and Doll's story to be wrapped up in a way I personally find satisfying for their character arcs, I'm vaguely hopeful that they'll at least just meet again, but as you can read I've had very mixed feelings on the direction that the series has taken for years now (servant backstory arc has been going on since MARCH 2019 LMAO..), so I'm sorry that your very simple question turned into a rant HAHA but this is like, the crux of my relationship with Kuroshitsuji atm.

Kuroshit has had its fair share of problems, many of which I'll be the first person to go out of my way to critique. I've been able to rationalize being a fan by touting just how good the manga's story is. Nowadays, really not so sure I can stand by that opinion! However, Doll's also like... is The character of all time for me. I've even been contemplating getting her tattooed lately LOL. So, regardless of the direction the series takes, even if it just absolutely tanks, she'll always remain incredibly special to me, as will Ciel and all the characters I've loved over the years.

[codename-mom]

Collision (AU)

Summary: A brand-new BAU is forming but there is still someone missing. The team masterpiece: a technical analyst. But one day, Erin Strauss calls Hotch in her office. She may have found the perfect candidate. Or maybe not.

Characters: Erin Strauss, Aaron Hotchner, Penelope Garcia and Derek Morgan

Contents: TW mention of parents death, of drug use and of everything the BAU is working on.

This is a text written for the CM Meet Cute challenge organized by @imagining-in-the-margins.

PS : English is not my mother language so they are necessarily mistakes. Sorry about that.

PPS: Why I add "AU" after the title you may ask? Because I used to write the texts of Code Name: Mom during my first watch of CM. So, when I imagined that scene, I haven't seen the Black Queen episode yet and I worked with the tiny pieces of information we had to figure out their first encounter. Then I saw S09E12 and this text didn't fit the canon anymore. But I still love the dialogue between those idiots and the scene, so here it is.

___

                Erin Strauss pressed the buttons on her landline telephone and, with a few curt words, summoned one of the residents of Quantico’s sixth floor. She hung up as soon as she had gave the order and waited. A few minutes later, a giant in a strict suit framed himself on her doorstep, eyebrows furrowed.

“What is it?” asked Aaron Hotchner as he entered the room.

The two FBI agents glared fiercely at the other, ready to leap at each other’s throats at the first opportunity, but communicated in surprisingly calm tones. She distrusted this man, who was more rebellious than his austere appearance suggested, and he hated being told what to do. Then, the two had been fighting like cat and dog since they first met. Most of the time, however, they both knew how to put aside their differences to get the job done properly.

“Do you still need a technical analyst for your team?” she asked him, matter-of-factly.

“Yes. More than ever. Why?”

The Behavioral Analysis Unit had been founded by two men, Jason Gideon and David Rossi, a few years earlier, with the aim of tracking down sociopaths and other serial killers, in particular by establishing their psychological profile based on the victims they had left behind, but also their modus operandi, the weapons used or even the crime scene. It was a complex discipline, requiring a great deal of knowledge on many subjects, and that was still disparaged.

But the results were there, and Bureau headquarters authorized the two men to expand the team. They had picked up a young federal prosecutor who had assisted Dave on one of his investigations. After a meeting with the woman who would become his wife, the man accepted the offer and flew off to join them. Intelligent, serious, meticulous, attentive to detail and endowed with excellent self-control, the recruit had integrated perfectly into the duo, and his fresh outlook had enabled them to envisage a new shape for the agency.

However, the disastrous conclusion of a business deal and personal worries had pushed Gideon and Rossi, respectively, towards the exit, and they had to entrust the helm of the ship to the last survivor of the crew. Bombarded as director at the age of thirty-nine, he immediately put into practice the plan he had devised for the brand-new BAU. He had recruited a former Chicago policeman with a wanderlust, then added two young people with disparate profiles: a poised, tenacious and empathetic woman who would act as liaison officer, and a multi-graduate student with an elephantine memory but a social misfit.

Nevertheless, the final piece of the puzzle was still missing: a technical analyst. A computer expert capable of probing all databases at lightning speed to extract just the essentials, but also of dissecting all the evidence passing through a computer – video, audio tracks, photographs. A particularly difficult nugget to find, given the scarcity of skills required for this position.

“We may have someone for you, Strauss announced, stepping out from behind her desk. Please follow me.”

Hotch frowned, doubtful, but walked in her footsteps. They took the elevator that had brought him to this floor and went back down a few levels. Then they entered a dull corridor bathed in an eerie silence. This was where suspects apprehended by the FBI were brought.

“Here's her file, continued the section chief, placing the documents on his chest. You'll have time to read it before making your final decision, but I'll give you a summary.”

“Thank you,” he answered coldly.

Without waiting for her to begin, he opened the cardboard sleeve and the round face of a bespectacled blonde appeared at the top left of an annotated sheet.

“Her name is Penelope Garcia, and she's a hacker who's been hanging around on the street more or less since her parents died in a car accident, Erin told him without a hint of emotion in her voice. She was eighteen then, twenty-six now.”

“If you've caught her, she may not be as good as you think," he said, reading the information gathered about her at an angle.

“Or she did it on purpose.”

“What do you mean?” he frowned, raising his nose.

“Hacker’s world is small. They all know that us, CIA, army, etc., we hire some of them because they're ultimately much more efficient than the IT people who are trained for the job.”

Strauss rolled her eyes in dismay at this realization. Using criminals to entrap others was totally beyond her, notwithstanding their often unique faculties. Next to her, Aaron, a man of the field, had a less Manichean view of things. Since he'd been in the business, he'd had time to notice that the men and women they put behind bars weren't necessarily bloodthirsty, ruthless monsters. On a contrary. Between those who'd simply fallen off the wagon due to a string of mishaps, those who'd once let their anger get the better of their reason, and those who'd failed to deal with childhood traumas, it was sometimes difficult to blame the wrongdoers for what they'd done.

                As so, the possibility of integrating a virtual outlaw into his team didn't bother him all that much. Provided he – or rather, she, in this case – has the skills compatible with his project. He turned a few pages to access the summary of her exactions. He discovered a long list of feats of arms that ran across several sheets, both sides. The young woman had wandered from institution to institution, jumping over firewalls as if they'd never existed, browsing here and there, before emerging again, sometimes leaving little messages of thanks. Her targets were highly diversified, ranging from multinationals to ultra-secure establishments, as well as national and even regional companies. However, he quickly noted that there was a common denominator to all her attacks. Except the last one, the one that had dragged her into the walls of Quantico.

“Interesting resume, he said, closing the file. Did she say why she did it?”

“To know the truth about Lady Di’s death,” threw his neighbor, without any conviction.

“You don’t buy it?”

“Of course not. To go to all this trouble just for that, it's ridiculous!" she stormed in a condescending tone.

Unlike him, his superior was a bureaucrat. Where he saw tormented individuals, injured personnel or equipment crucial to the survival of his people, Erin saw numbers, numbers and more numbers. He spoke of efficiency, she replied: profitability. Two discourses that regularly clashed and only served to further inflame their dissensions.

“You would be surprised," he retorted, repressing the sneer that curled at the edge of his lips.

“There she is.”

When they reached a one-way mirror, the agents could see the subject of their conversation in the flesh, without her seeing them. Sitting on a chair behind a table to which she was handcuffed, she faced two men in dark suits who seemed to be pestering her with questions. The prisoner had long blond and supple hair, which had obviously known better days, just like her clothes whose bright colors had been faded by a long exposure to light, dust, perspiration and lack of maintenance. Pale-skinned, with drawn features, she had dark circles under her eyes. Her eyebrows furrowed, she was on the defensive.

“She’s using,” noted Hotch, taking up the toxicology report attached to the second page of her file.

“Not for the past three weeks.”

“Since you captured her, that is.”

Erin nodded, her mouth pursed. Despite the glass divider between the two women, the director found it hard to hide her revulsion. Aaron felt like reminding her that it wasn't contagious, but restrained himself. He preferred to take a closer look at this young woman who, though frightened, didn't utter a word. Drops of sweat beaded down her chubby face and her arms shook intermittently, as if she were cold. On her bare forearms, he saw scratch marks attesting to the fact that she had been frantically rubbing her skin for the past few days.

“She’s in withdrawal.”

“But she's lucid and doesn't crave her fix, Strauss revealed, her tone softening somewhat, which might mean she wasn't all that hooked.”

“You think she let herself be captured to get out of all this.”

“Could be.”

If this was the case, it proved, in effect, that she was aware of how dangerous this activity was, and that she had no intention of getting caught up in this downward spiral, the outcome of which was rarely positive. Whatever she had consumed, she had no intention of clinging to it, but rather was looking for a way to get as far away from it as possible. It was an undeniable sign of intelligence, but Hotch suddenly doubted whether this objective would be successful if she were to accept his proposal. It all depended, in fact, on her strength of character.

“Can I talk to her?”

“Be my guest.”

Strauss knocked on the glass and the two agents inside froze before leaving the room. They said nothing and walked off down the corridor with the same energetic step. Aaron pressed the door handle and entered the padded room.

Penelope, relieved to see the two tough guys leave, tensed as this new guy in a suit and tie introduced himself to her. From where she was, he looked gigantic, and she wondered how he'd managed to get in without hitting his head. Brows furrowed, face closed, dark eyes staring at her unblinkingly, the man seemed to her to have as much emotion as a frying pan. She didn't know anything about the FBI hierarchy, but her instincts told her that this guy was much higher up than the first two. An irrepressible urge to run away jumped to her throat, but she could only shrink back in her chair as he came to sit opposite her.

“What’s your name?” he questioned her, without a hint of animosity in his voice.

Hotch saw the pirate's brown irises dip to the cardboard sleeve he'd placed in front of him, then return in his direction.

“… You have my file, so surely you already know this information," she replied, raising her eyebrows.

It wasn't irony or a snide attack, she was simply reminding him of the obvious. Although impressed by his presence, she wasn't as terrified as she might have been. She was more intrigued than anything. Which was just as well, because he wasn't there to gave her the third degree, but to open the doors to a potential future.

“I know it, yes, but I thought it would be a good start to a conversation.”

His interlocutor observed her opposite for a while without saying a word. She couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something about this agent that set him apart from the others she'd come across. There was no smugness, no repulsion or no malice about him. He looked at her as any human being should look at another. They clearly didn't come from the same world, but that didn't seem to matter to him. And she guessed that behind that icy mask was someone far more sympathetic. The question was how deep to dig to bring it out.

“… Penelope Garcia. You?”

“Aaron Hotchner, he answered with no hesitation. Do you know where you are?”

“Unless the guys who drove me here had fake accreditation, I must be in the FBI basement. Well, in a manner of speaking, since we climbed three flights of stairs from the parking lot.”

She talked a lot and fast, without any stress in her voice. This was obviously her usual way of expressing herself, a sign of a lively, voluble personality. It wasn't very much in line with house policy, but given the position she would occupy – if she were to accept – it wouldn't be a problem.

“… I'm the manager of a rather unusual team, and we need a fast, efficient technical analyst.”

Penelope’s fine eyebrows furrowed. He delivered his speech in an even tone. The man was straight to the point, clear and concise, articulating very distinctly. She let her gaze run over him. Stiff as a stick, clean-shaven, his dark hair was cut short, his fingernails perfectly filed, his tie ideally knotted, his suit tailor-made. If he hadn't been born with a silver spoon in his mouth, he had learned to imitate to perfection those who had been so lucky. But unlike the latter, which were often untrue, he didn't seem to want to bother with convolutions and leg-pulling to get what he wanted. A good point for him, from her point of view.

“And you think I will do the trick?" she inquired, curious.

“It depends.”

“Of what?”

“Whether or not you let yourself be captured.”

“What do you think?”

“What I think has no importance. It’s your answer that does matter.”

“Who says I’d tell the truth.”

“It’s my job.”

They had conducted this dialogue at full speed, replying to each other's answers in a matter of seconds, and were now taking advantage of the silence to gauge their adversary. Hotch thought she was testing the waters, gleaning as much information as possible before stepping forward; which was a perfectly understandable attitude. The hacker was in fact trying to assess the danger of the path the agent was blazing ahead of her, trying to project herself alongside this character who used his muscles sparingly. Since he'd come in and taken his place on the chair, the only part of his anatomy that had moved was his mouth. Everything else, from his fingers intertwined on the table to his eyelids, had not wavered. The guy had gone statuesque in a split second. It's a good thing she could see him breathing, otherwise she'd have doubted he was human. Meanwhile, she still didn't know what she might be walking into.

“… What do you mean by “rather unusual team”?”

“My team is responsible for tracking down serial killers, sociopaths, rapists and arsonists across the country, in collaboration with local authorities,” he revealed, direct.

Given what lay ahead, Aaron preferred to be as frank as possible with her. He didn't know how much empathy she had for complete strangers, but from what he'd glimpsed in her file – and from what he understood of the reasons for her actions – she was far from being heartless. But the situations she was about to face were anything but trivial. Which she was beginning to understand, as he saw her swallow and turn a little pale.

“And… what I am supposed to do?”

“Analyze all the data we retrieve, conduct real-time searches on all platforms and databases, probably over several years.”

“Data. What kind of data?”

“Videos, photos, audio files, he continued, you'll see people killed, raped and tortured on a daily basis in conditions you've probably never imagined.”

A leaden blanket fell over Penelope's shoulders. The functions of the FBI were manifold and covered many areas of everyday American life: from taxes to cybercrime, from intelligence to criminal investigations. Clearly, she'd fallen on the hardest branch of all, one on which, had she been given the chance, she'd never have put a foot wrong. Chilled by this revelation, she spoke out:

“Looks like a dream.”

“I prefer to be honest, he admitted without a shudder. It's not about numbers, it's about confronting the worst that humans can do.”

He saw her dodge his gaze, biting her lower lip. Her eyes cocked to one side, she weighed up the pros and cons of his proposal, surely considering what she was capable of withstanding emotionally and psychologically. Her life hadn't been particularly simple, and she'd had to see and experience things that many wouldn't want to endure, but that was no match for what he and his team witnessed day-to-day. At least, he hoped for her. Suddenly, her irises returned to him, escaped, then fixed themselves again on his face. Her mouth twisted like a worm on asphalt. Hotch imagined that she was in the middle of a discussion with herself or preparing her next line, silently rehearsing her words to make sure she didn't make a blunder.

“… Can I ask you something?” she did, blushing.

“Go on.”

“Will I end up like you?”

“Meaning?”

“You're the closest thing we have to an iceberg.”

Aaron had to concentrate to keep his eyelids from widening. He had expected everything but this. He had mentally prepared answers to all the technical, administrative, and legal questions, but had never imagined that he would be attacked on his appearance. He already knew that he had a reputation for being someone devoid of emotion, even frightening, even to the other residents of Quantico, so he wasn't surprised that she thought the same; he was disturbed by this surprisingly brave move. This dirty, ragged little woman had the guts to say out loud what all the feds, here and abroad, barely dared to say in hushed tones. A self-assurance that hits the bull’s eye.

“… It’s the suit.”

He had probably tried to hide it, but Penelope saw the brief sneer that had lifted the corner of his lips. A crack in his shell that made the young woman laugh despite her interlocutor's newfound seriousness. She was right: he wasn't the terror he was trying to make himself out to be. On a contrary. Underneath that jacket, shirt and T-shirt, there was a tender, beating heart; and under that ebony hair, a well-built head that wasn't bothered by convention. And, contrary to what she had expected, she didn't have to dig very far to find the treasure. So she already knew that if she needed him, he'd be there to catch her.

“Okay, she replied, relieved. I’ve got another question.”

“I’m listening.”

“Is there a dress code to observe?”

From his slanted reading, Hotch recalled that, among her personal effects, there was a non-negligible quantity of barrettes, elastics, bracelets, and earrings. Almost all of them knock-off, but flashy and eye-catching, in a wide range of gaudy colors and topped with rhinestones and other frills. A wardrobe choice that didn't fit in with Bureau standards at all, but reflected her playful personality. Then he thought of Strauss, behind the glass, who sometimes felt that appearances were more crucial than results, and a smile formed in his mind.

“No. As long as you come dressed-up.”

Garcia nodded, reassured not to have to wear a sad, bland suit.

“How much time I have to decide?”

“It’s up to you. But while we are talking, know that there are people who need you.”

With that, the BAU director rose to his feet and picked up the file. But he didn't leave the room immediately, as he had just remembered a certain detail.

“And one more thing: if you want to join my unit, you'll need to write a motivation letter. It’s part of the protocol.”

Frowning, Penelope stared at him blankly. He'd told her as if it were a chore, but she already had her own ideas on the subject. The monolith then turned its back on her and disappeared behind the door, leaving the young woman alone to her reflection.

A week later, the agent in charge of mail distribution at Quantico dropped a stack of envelopes on Hotch's desk. The manager thanked him, and he resumed his tour. Derek Morgan had been watching the proceedings in silence and saw his superior pull a peculiar letter out of the pile. Its entire contour was covered in purple glitter.

“What is it?” he asked, curious.

“We’ll see.”

Aaron, who had already guessed the identity of the author of this fold, took out his letter opener and unfolded the mailing. Inside, he found a candy-pink card with his first and last names written in pretty cursive script. He opened it and found two cardboard flaps lined with stars and little shiny hearts, and dancing in the middle, a text traced in glittery ink.

Sir, If you still need someone to kick the bad guys’ asses, I’m your man. Have a nice day. Penelope Garcia PS: This card is home-made.

Surprised, the ex-policeman saw a smile stretch his supervisor's lips. A reaction of obvious joy that he had not at all expected from such an unexpressive man. Intrigued, he questioned:  

“Is it your birthday?”

“No, answered Hotch rising his head. It’s the motivation letter of our analyst.”

[levmada]

Random question

Other than his looks, what made you fall for Levi?

-♡

first, i can’t give you a detailed recount because i forgor😔in late 2020 i had just escaped a long insanely emotionally abusive co-dependent relationship, i was starting college, escaped my home life, and i heard that aot was FINALLY getting a season 4 so i rewatched it on a whim (i was very much a fan in 2016 but i wasn’t a manga reader, and after wit whimped out on animating after s3, i fell out of interest🤷🏻). idk why levi didn’t catch my attention at that time..

but in a perfect storm of irl variables, i became obsessed❤️honestly levi ackerman made me realize i was on the asexual spectrum. (so levi ackerman was an influence in me breaking up with my casual boyfriend at the time also.) then i went through some Traumatic Stuff and with no exaggeration if it wasn’t for levi i wouldn’t have made this blog or be here today

(so as more of an aside, my sexuality makes me feel like the attraction is even more real in a way?)

but what about HIM made me fall for him??

- well first of all i have a type🤷🏻emotionally unavailable, strong aloof fictional man with a heart of gold

- also he was extremely relatable. i could see so much of myself in him which was particularly nice when i was working through stuff i hadn’t even been aware was trauma before. rly made me feel less alone

- fictional man has unwavering sense of loyalty who knows what it feels like to be chronically abandoned so he would never do that

- independent fictional man that wouldn’t smother me in affection, and doesn’t feel any need or desire to be, idk upfront about it?—because it’s felt and shown in his actions plenty. this was a massive factor for me

- he always has his shit together. i mean he’s in total control of himself at all times and that kind of stability attracted me

- back to being relatable, i have the same outlook about life and feel i have a lot of the same personality traits🙂

- no nonsense. doesn’t mince words or lie to make someone else feel better. not a dominant guy. kind of course, selfless and empathetic but also morally grey with a darkness in him. more humble but not in an insecure way that requires me to be constant emotional support. lacks charisma in a very very very cute way. levi is so shy yk??? while also being a tough badass🤷🏻

- he’s short and small. i didn’t think about this until later but i love it😭😭short guys for me>>>

- if this makes sense, he isn’t sexual? even though he has plenty of sexual appeal (DUH). shows no interest in romantic relationships or sexual encounters while also being the most loyal, doting, and thoughtful partner if he was in a romantic relationship.

- this isn’t canon necessarily (although i remember this being a fan rumor), but he’s more docile and submissive in a relationship. that isn’t to say he can’t be dominant, but he’s mostly the former and that’s a major attraction to me

ok i’m getting into headcanon territory so i’ll stop😅but those are the major things :)

[confessmau]

Hello :) this is coming from a person who's extremely invested in Derek's character so here goes nothing /pos

I feel as if people tend to ignore or perhaps have this crux of the matter slip their mind, but Derek is quite the mentally traumatized character inside Mystreet. Undeniably alongside Aaron and many others, he canonically had been through a living nightmare. Since a young age he lost everything in his own life from the hands of Guardian Forces(as Aaron did--cycle repeats, we appreciate generational trauma<3 /sar). How Derek said directly to Rowan that his biological father had never been there for him. He is so clearly effected by these experiences yet most focus on how he treated Aaron in PDH, FCU, and I suggest Mystreet as a whole. While I agree that Derek is an abusive father. E.g. Smashing his son's phone to pieces to halt any/all of his contact with Aphmau. Locking him away from any type of social interaction(s), emotionally too. Practically stalking him 24/7. This list could go on-and-on unfortunately. Continuing forward however before I ramble.

Derek should also be ventured into, as well. Because I've heard people say even if he is traumatized, that gives no excuse for how he acted(not disagreeing;; I live by this phrase, but I want to show others that he genuinely has character depth—for explaining and to express he is human as well; as anybody else is). Or say "well I grew up with a really hard life and didn't take that out on others like him" You are not him. You have no idea what could actually be festering inside his mind. How could some be so empathetic but apathetic at the exact time. He's around his fifties and from the looks of things, Rowan didn't seem to knock healthily emotional characteristics into his head so that he wouldn't end up this hardheaded. Towards everyone and even himself. Either that, or Derek is an extremely stubborn person, perhaps deniability too. I have several speculations, please tolerate me.

Another factor I thought should be mentioned, his paranoia. I can't particularly remember who made the statement, but they had said something along the lines of "why would you ever have a kid if you were going to fear the outcome" it's entirely plausible that Derek never thought ahead. While I believe him to be quite intelligent in his own right, he has his moments as anybody else, and that's what precisely led to him failing as a parent. He had good intentions but executed them so awfully that everytime I rewatch the series and see him, I tear up. It's evident that he wanted to protect Aaron but for whatever reason, every action he did was forced outwardly in a negative manner. I'm not certain if that is from how his father treated him, life experiences, trauma exhibited from such a young age. There are many factors. I remember a flashback of Derek saying that he needs Aaron to focus any irritation on him, so that he can control the Ultima internally. However, Derek never predicted how that could've led to his son growing up with hate and acting out towards him, because in Derek's mind, he believed that to be the right or only way. Derek doesn't want Aaron to commit the same mistakes he did and his fears became reality because of his faulty style of parenting that we've seen and heard before. A parent tries to protect their child by any necessary means, child grows up angry and doesn't know how to deal with any of their emotions healthy, as well as struggling to exceed in social interaction(this showed for Aaron in FCU). The child would respond to this abuse by rage or a "neutral" mentality, and in the end, Aaron finally snapped his father out of his life in the FCU series. Derek tried to have the upper hand by unintentional manipulation(I saw an immense debate of how that's worse than intentional but I honestly can't see it that way) but when he realized that was unimportant, he let him leave.

I believe Derek appears later on which Aaron didn't expect to occur either. With Derek's true personality flowing out more throughout Mystreet, he definitely still appeared to be reluctant but cheerful with Aaron dating Aphmau. Even stating that she was his wife and if not reality at that time, the thought hadn't caused frustration. Even when made known by Melissa they weren't married, Derek didn't seem to notice and was completely on board with anything. I can't explain what I'm trying to convey. Ok—It's fantastic and even makes Derek more human when he expresses his remorse for letting Alexander(Aaron's dog) run away when he grew distracted by a business call.

AND Derek only approached Aaron on Christmas because of Aphmau sending him a letter, it hit him close and made him want to spend time with his son. While I find this bittersweet because Derek should visit on his own accord, still shows he cared and this was a step forward. Strange and made no sense, but a start nonetheless. TL;DR on this section, the Christmas series with Derek included was confusing but somewhat wholesome and made promise to Derek beginnings towards improvement, sort of. Summary of me saying "yeah this is weird and almost unrealistic but I suppose he's trying at least". The interaction I heavily prayed for is Derek sitting down with Aaron and spoke to him with authenticity. They should've had a conversation about everything, and sure, perhaps Christmas isn't the appropriate time for that but if Rachel apologized. Then yes, I believe the whole family should have had a private discussion with each other. Mostly Derek and Aaron. His son seriously needed that closure.

This series felt more.. Like a reliever than anything for plot activation.

I've also heard some people claim Aaron forgave his father too quickly but from what I recall, I do not believe Aaron ever openly said he had forgiven his father(if there's evidence—I'd definitely love to see that because it's been sometime since I've watched the entirety of Mystreet again! Please and sincere thanks!! /pos). I think he decided upon having his family stick around either from obligation or because he couldn't move on, possibly even fearing they could get hurt(I wouldn't be shocked if Aaron picked up Derek's paranoia) These are assumptions however. I think Aaron simply cares for his family and there's nothing inherently wrong with that as he shouldn't be to blame, and even if he forgave his father rather quick. What's it to you? There are people who do forgive but never forget. I say this as somebody who could actually relate to this supposed unrealistic aspect of the series(not to Aaron personally;; strictly the forgiving quickly part), you may not see it as such, but there will always be another that will understand. I've been witness to many thought-out writings and beautifully structured criticisms on this man—then I stumble across the ones that hand in the "he bad" and act if that's enough. While I don' care, it is definitely a show when there are people who are immediately willing to get into a heated debate because somebody else thinks differently than how they view said character. ((p.s Zero hate to those with these opinions, I genuinely find them fascinating :D a lot of people in this fandom are far more skilled with analyzing than I<33/pos))

Again, continuing past that, I went on a rant--my apologies. I jus' believe Derek is a complex person and maybe people don' view it as I, and if so, that's okay!! We all have so many opposite views and I constantly love to see how others view Derek, I've seen so many opinions on him rather negative or not. They're always cherished by somebody out there and I'm one of them :]. Still wish he wasn't so hated but I still fully understand and even confidently agree that if you hate the guy with a burning passion, good for you. Good for you<3 /g/pos.

I know my take is hot/ma. But, I truthfully see his character as something quite astonishing, I'll conclude Jess failed on writing him properly though. So, I could easily imagine how people aren't capable of relations or comprehending why he would do those specific actions. Jess necessarily hadn't gave him that standing point. One more note, a few held a distaste with how he passed on(this is because they claimed Jess did so for a lousy end with his character and I honestly agree), I think his death was quite significant to the character arc. This expresses that he consistently loved his son and family,, and would forever do so even if he is no longer himself. Or no longer beside his son physically. He wanted to save him and nobody else was present at that time, so he had to be the one. He accepted his fate before most and I conjecture that towards bravery. But once more, this is how the character radiates with me and it's honestly okay if nobody agrees with these opinions. Currently I'm sick and felt slightly talkative this morning :)! Other than that, I hope anybody who stumbled across my drawn out discussion with myself, enjoyed—and have a great time with whatever you plan for yourselves 💕 /pos

Bye byeee mwah mwah mwah.

~~

[gingerhastoomanyobsessions]

new Renfield movie loves to shit on people w personality disorders but seems to be ignoring the fact that neither robert nor quincey seem 100% mentally healthy themselves

spoilers under cut

robert kills people to deal with his anger. like. that’s canon. quincey points it out (“unlike you, we can’t just take our anger out on and kill the people who we think deserve it”) and he doesn’t argue. he specifically hunts people who make him mad (abusers, which. fair) and brutalizes them as a fucked up coping mechanism. that seems p not healthy neurotypical to me ! even after he moves out and takes up less bloody ways to express himself (baking, his little flower boxes on the railing, etc) he’s still got a vengeful streak and doesn’t seem particularly empathetic— he doesn’t understand quincey, he has to have his own similarities to teddy spelled out to him mid-fight-scene, and. well. he likes torture. watching Dracula get violently beaten to death was absolutely WONDERFUL don’t get me wrong but bobby buddy you’re sure coping in Interesting Ways

quincey gets herself into dangerous situations with such frequency that I low key think she’s probably suicidal? she literally asks teddy to shoot her + full on plans to go try to fight Drac by herself and knows she won’t make it out alive. the only thing keeping her on her feet is a desire for revenge that has taken over her entire life. also she’s a cop why is she a cop please. don’t do that. she seems to crave more dangerous jobs too— she gripes about being a traffic cop when there are “real crimes” out there, ie she wants to get involved in firefights n shit.

listen I personally also love violent revenge, have empathy issues, and probably have Something going on myself personality-wise but it just seems Weird that the film doesn’t really acknowledge that Drac probably isn’t the only one with empathy issues here . so instead of being all “ahhhh scary narcissists” maybe the movie should have been like hey guess what past trauma can fuck you up in ways that aren’t pretty . but that would mean being less marketable to the normies