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phantasticworks · 6 years

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Do You Know How in Love With You I Am (Please Notice)

Phan!The Office AU I wrote based on an incredible piece of art by @laurainlilac so please go follow her and look at her art (she’s the mvp of phanart) so all credit for the prompt goes to her!

read on ao3

Words: 22k

Description: Dan works at a small paper company, but the good thing about this mundane and meaningless career is that his best friend Phil sits only a few feet away at reception. The bad thing, however, is that Dan’s is irrevocably in love with said best friend. Oh, and also, Phil’s engaged to someone else. But don’t worry! There’s a happy ending somewhere in here.

Warnings: swearing, reference to emotionally abusive partner, implied history of domestic abuse/violence (nothing too explicit), lots of fluff and some angst, also a very poorly written smut scene that I already regret writing, but it’s kinda long so I can’t delete it now.

IMPORTANT: There is detailed smut in this, so if you’re not comfy reading that, it begins at the first ~ and you can stop reading at the second ~. It’s mainly there for the sake of characterization, but it’s totally fine to skip it.

Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!

Dan Howell was never really a fan of customer service or human interaction, but somehow here he was, working in the sales department of a small paper company and trying his best to sell paper. It wasn’t that he hated people, really. He just hated interacting with them.

Well, that is, except for his best friend, Phil, who luckily worked four and a half paces away from Dan’s desk. Which was super convenient, if you asked him. Sitting so close to his best friend allowed him to hate his job significantly less, and whenever the woes of the corporate nightmare he was living got to him, he could just walk right over to reception and complain about it to his best friend.

Currently, he was tossing a ball of rubber bands in the air from the comfort of his own desk, his eyes on Phil. The ebony haired man was staring at his monitor, but Dan could see how hard he was trying to hide his smile, and Dan knew that Phil knew he was staring at him. When he finally raises his eyes to meet Dan’s, the younger man raises his eyebrows, holding the ball as if he’s about to throw it to Phil.

Phil shakes his head frantically, and Dan snickers. He’s well aware of the total lack of hand-eye coordination on Phil’s part, so he mercifully doesn’t throw the ball. Instead, he sets it back on his desk and grabs a random sheet of paper from his desk, folding it into an airplane quickly. Phil rolls his eyes, smiling as he looks back to his screen.

“Psst!” Dan whispers obnoxiously, causing Phil to quirk an eyebrow, fully taking his attention away from his computer.

“What?” Phil whispers back, brushing his quiff back with one hand.

Dan doesn’t respond, instead holding up the airplane craft, moving his hand as he goes to throw it.

Chris, Dan’s unfortunate desk cluster-mate and his unofficial enemy, decides to jump in then and ruin their fun. “Uh- that’s not going to fly, stupid.” He says rudely.

Dan raises an eyebrow at him, looking at the paper airplane in appraisal. “I dunno, I reckon it will,” He shrugs before tossing the plane, watching with only mild disappointment as it curves through the air, only to fall to the ground barely two feet away from him.

Phil purses his lips and gives him a round of pity applause, and Dan grins as he stands, bowing slightly. “Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here till five.” He announces proudly as he picks up the airplane.

Chris snorts from behind him. “Loser. Can’t even make the simplest piece of paper aircraft actually fly. Pathetic.” He snips, shaking his head as he stares disdainfully at Dan.

Shrugging, Dan drops the paper on Chris’ desk. “Why don’t you give it a shot, then.” He suggests, quirking an eyebrow in challenge. “I mean, if you think you can do it. It’s pretty hard.” He adds.

“Please,” Chris scoffs, snatching the paper up. “I’ll make the best damn airplane you’ve ever seen in your pathetic existence.”

Dan shrugs, crossing over to reception, where Phil is waiting with a smile. “He’s going to make me the best damn airplane I’ve ever seen,” Dan informs him helpfully as he leans against the counter, looking down at Phil.

Phil nods seriously. “Right. And I’m sure you’re really quite excited about that?” He laughs, his blue eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Of course,” Dan says as if it’s completely obvious. “Can you imagine? I’ll have the best paper airplane in the world, made by our very own Chris Kendall.”

Phil snickers, sorting through some papers on his desk. “Wow. I can’t believe you’ll be the sole recipient of such an esteemed item,” he teases, his blue eyes flickering up to meet Dan’s.

Dan swallows hard, trying to ignore how incredibly attractive Phil is. There’s not a lot of things to do during the day as far as distractions go, but coming over to talk (or shamelessly flirt, in Dan’s case) with the office’s receptionist definitely made the days go by quicker. “I imagine you’re pretty jealous, huh?” Dan asks, tilting his head to the side and propping his chin on his hand.

“Oh, yeah,” Phil nods, a serious look coming over his face. He sits up, tilting his head back and angling his face closer to Dan’s. “Definitely jealous,” he says quietly, nodding seriously.

Biting his lip, Dan tries his hardest to fight his smile. Just as he starts to speak, they’re interrupted by a different voice.

“There,” Chris calls from the desk cluster he and Dan sat at. Dan and Phil both turn to look at him, and Dan nearly laughs at the pure ecstatic expression on Chris’ face. “This was so easy a stupid baby could do it,” He taunts, standing to show the airplane to Dan.

Dan considers this before shrugging. “So, you’re saying I’m smarter than a stupid baby, so I couldn’t figure it out?” He asks, living for the way it riles up his coworker.

“No! I was implying that you were stupider than a stupid baby. Idiot,” he seethes, shoving the airplane into Dan’s hand.

“But, you said a stupid baby could do it. Which implies that either you are the stupid baby, because you did it, or that I’m not a stupid baby, since I couldn’t do it.” Dan explains casually, eyes on the ceiling as if he’s really considering it. He wasn’t, he just liked to wind Chris up. Phil giggles from behind him, making Dan smirk.

“No, I- just fly the damn thing!” Chris snaps in exasperation, crossing his arms and stepping back.

Dan shrugs, lifting the plane. “Sure.” He pauses then, leaning against the receptionist desk once again. “Phil, tell me where I should try to aim this at.” He instructs, glancing over his shoulder.

Phil stands so he can see easier over the tall receptionist desk, scanning the room, considering. “Hm. How about... oh, see if you can hit one of Chris’ bobble heads!” He says excitedly, smiling brightly at Dan.

Dan hides a laugh, but nods.

“Wait- no! Don’t hit my stuff.” Chris protests, reaching to take the plane out of Dan’s grip.

“But it’s a paper airplane, Chris. It won’t hurt it.” He supplies with a shrug before aiming the airplane.

Before Chris can protest again, Dan launches the plane, and they all watch as it goes straight for all of a foot, before plummeting down.

“Huh. I guess you’re not a stupid baby after all,” Dan shrugs, turning to look at Phil.

Chris, however, is much more bothered. “What? I fixed it, it should’ve worked! Dan, what did you even do?” The man demands, grabbing the plane off the ground.

Dan raises his hands in defense. “I just launched it. I didn’t mess with it, mate.” He takes in Phil’s incredulous expression at the anger in Chris’ voice, and tries not to laugh.

“Well, it should’ve worked.” Pushing his glasses up, Chris aims the plane and launches it himself, only to get the same results. “What?!” He all but screeches.

Dan shrugs, patting him once on the back. “Does it have propellers?” He asks, plucking a random word associated with aircraft out of his memory, keeping a straight face as he stares at Chris.

Phil snickers behind him, but Dan shoots him a look.

“What- no! Of course not, it’s a paper airplane, you idiot.” Chris snaps, still fumbling with the paper aircraft.

“Well then maybe that’s your problem,” Dan says helpfully, shrugging.

Chris groans in frustration as Phil laughs. “Shut up. Idiot.” Chris grumbles before stomping back to his desk, tossing the airplane into a wastebasket on the way.

“Well, that was an event.” Phil murmurs as Dan turns back around.

“Yeah. You know, I can never quite tell if Chris hates me or if he’s secretly in love with me.” Dan says jokingly, pushing a curl off his forehead.

“Probably in love with you,” Phil nods. “I can see why he would be.” His cheeks flood with color after he says this, but he only looks up at Dan, as if waiting for him to disagree.

Dan feels flooded with warmth, and he grins, his dimple likely showing as he does. “Yeah?” He teases, but he feels his heart racing as he waits for an answer. Not yours, not yours, not yours, the silent mantra repeats in his head, but he ignores it. He wants this. He wants Phil to want him, even if he knows they can’t be together because Phil has someone else.

Phil only blushes darker and looks down at his desk. “Of course.” He says softly. Dan feels as if his heart is about to burst with joy, but then Phil speaks again. “You’re my best friend, Dan, of course I think you’re lovely.” He says this so sweetly that Dan nearly melts right there on the spot, but then the real meaning behind his words sink in.

Dan tries very hard not to let his face show the pure disappointment he feels swelling up now. “Oh,” he says softly in response. “Yeah, of course.”

Before Phil has a chance to respond, their boss, PJ, comes out of his office.

“Meeting in five! Five seconds, everybody, find your asses in those chairs in five, four, three-“ PJ yells from only a foot behind Dan.

Dan cringes at the booming voice right behind his ear, turning to look at Phil with an incredulous expression. Why, he mouths, shaking his head in bewilderment.

The older man giggles, shrugging as he grabs a notepad and pen to take notes for their boss during what was likely to be a very pointless meeting.

“Phil, hurry up. Come on, guys! Meeting, now!” PJ is chirping behind Dan.

Dan sighs but shrugs away from the receptionist counter anyway, shoving his hands into his pockets. Dan pauses beside PJ, lowering his voice as a few of his colleagues make their way past him and into the meeting room. “Hey, you know you don’t have to yell, right? There’s only like, nine of us in here. And, well, it’s a pretty small room.”

“Don’t listen to him, PJ. You’re asserting your authority.” Chris, ever the suckup, says snidely from behind him.

Dan sighs, staring up at the ceiling before he notices Phil standing by the door to the meeting room, smiling at him. The younger man can’t help but return the smile, his face flooding with warmth.

“Yeah, actually, Chris is right. Sorry, PJ. I’ve got a meeting to get to actually, but hey, good job rounding up the crowd.” Dan pats Chris’ shoulder before sliding past him and their boss, gesturing for Phil to walk in ahead of him.

“One day he’s going to figure out that you’re just being a smartass.” Phil whispers as they take a seat next to each other.

Dan shrugs, smirking. “Probably, but I’ve worked here for five years and it hasn’t happened yet,” he reminds the ebony haired man next to him.

Phil rolls his eyes, tugging on the red cardigan he’s wearing over his white dress shirt, and Dan tries not to stare at his long fingers as he fiddles with the buttons.

As a distraction from his thoughts, he shifts closer, bringing his mouth close to Phil’s ear. “I have a great prank in the works for Chris. Are you in?” He asks quietly. Pulling away slightly to see Phil’s reaction, he’s a little surprised to see a blush on the older man’s cheeks, but he figures he might be imagining that.

Phil grins, nodding. “Absolutely. What are we doing?” He asks, waggling his eyebrows conspiratorially.

Dan bites his lip, trying to hide his goofy smile. Phil was just too cute for his own good. Of course, Dan couldn’t say that to his best friend. It’s not something you say to someone you’re so close to in a platonic way, because there’s no telling what that could do to their friendship. And it wasn’t as if he could have Phil, anyway.

Just as PJ steps in after the last few stragglers, Chris marching close on his heels, Dan dips his head down to whisper his plan into Phil’s ear, ignoring the way Phil shivers lightly when his lips accidentally graze the shell of his ear.

When Dan has laid out the plan, he sits back, waiting for Phil’s judgement. A look of awe and surprise sits on his face, and Dan tries not to fidget as he waits for the verdict.

“Dan Howell,” Phil whispers as PJ begins speaking. “That is positively rotten of you.”

Dan’s face falls a little, thinking maybe this time his childish, pranking ways had gone too far, pushed Phil to realize that he was actually just a bored loser struggling for the attention of the cute receptionist.

That is, until Phil nudges Dan’s arm with his elbow, causing the brunet to look up in confusion. “I’m in,” the older man whispers just as Chris whirls around, glaring at them.

“Shut up, you two. Some of us care about this meeting.”

Dan smirks, nodding as if he’s apologetic. “Sorry, Chris. We’ll keep it down.” He says casually, trying not to laugh. Phil giggles beside him, covering it with a very not-subtle cough.

Chris doesn’t seem to find this out of the ordinary, as he turns around with a huff. Dan rolls his eyes at Phil, nudging him gently. “Nice,” he whispers teasingly.

Phil nudges him back, smiling. “Shut up,” he responds quietly.

Dan just smiles, and they both pretend to be very invested in the meeting, which turns out to be about whether or not PJ should ask his supervisor, Sophie, to their office Christmas party. Dan effectively tunes out after that, instead taking the notepad and pen from Phil, who raises his eyebrows in question.

Wanna play hangman? He writes, shifting the notepad so that Phil can read.

Phil smiles widely, his tongue poking out between his teeth, the cutie he is. Dan allows his eyes to flicker to his lips for only a few seconds before he looks back to his bright blue eyes. Phil takes the pen from him, writing messily underneath Dan’s question.

Can I go first? He’s written, shooting Dan a questioning look. Dan grins and nods, gesturing for him to continue.

He pretends to focus on the meeting while sneaking glances at the notepad, where Phil is currently drawing slightly uneven spaces on the paper. He notices that up in the top corner, Phil has written the category, which apparently for this round is books. Dan watches as he draws several lines, taking up a good majority of the page. Smirking, Dan leans closer to him, bringing his lips to hover closely around the shell of Phil’s ear.

“I think you’re just supposed to do the title, not write the book itself,” he murmurs, biting his lip when Phil shivers.

Phil rolls his eyes, nudging Dan’s arm off their shared armrest. “Shut up,” he says with a fond laugh, counting the lines to himself before slipping the notepad over to Dan.

Dan raises an eyebrow and stares at the many lines for a moment, counting them up in his head. “Twenty-four letters?” He whisper-shouts in surprise. “Is that even allowed?”

Shushing him with a grin, Phil taps the notepad. “Yes! Now, start guessing.”

Chewing on his lip thoughtfully, Dan tilts his head closer to Phil. “Do I get any sort of hint? Who’s the author?” He asks.

“That’s not a letter,” Phil protests.

Dan shrugs. “I’ll take an ‘i’ first. But I want to know the author, at least.” Dan prods.

Phil sighs, then goes through the blanks on the page, filling in all the ‘i’ spots that there were. “Stephen King,” he admits quietly, glancing over at PJ once before his gaze returns to Dan. “That’s the only hint you’re getting, though!”

“Hm… old or new? Like, give me a year of publication.” He barters, pointing to one space. “And I want an ‘e’ next.”

“No,” Phil complains, biting his lip to hide a smile. “You don’t get a year of publication. You may have the ‘e’ though.” Phil begins writing again, mouthing the letters to himself. If Dan was a cheater, he’d focus harder on that and try to win the game all at once, but he enjoyed humoring the childlike tendencies of his best friend.

“Fine,” he relents, studying the letters. Smirking as a thought pops into his head, he leans even closer to Phil, this time purposefully bringing his lips to brush against Phil’s ear. “Can I have the ‘d’ please?” He breathes.

Phil visibly stiffens at this, then shivers as Dan’s breath flows over his neck. “Oh, um-“ He fumbles, his cheeks reddening comically.

Dan smirks as Phil shakily fills in two spaces with the letter he’d chosen, trying not to feel too proud of himself for the reaction he’d gotten. “First word is ‘the’ so, fill in those ‘t’s and ‘h’s, bub.” Dan says smugly.

Grumbling to himself, Phil fills in only a couple of blanks, turning to face Dan with a smug look. “Try another letter, Danny,” he whispers.

PJ seems to realize that they’re not paying attention then, and calls Dan out. “And the expense reports are due next Friday, right, Dan?”

Dan knows PJ’s probably trying to catch him off-guard to prove that he’s not paying attention, but luckily for him, he’d had this conversation with Phil earlier and knew that PJ was tricking him. “No, actually they’re due the week after that.” PJ looks surprised, and a little embarrassed, and just to be an ass, Dan adds, “Although, we do have updated client reports due next Friday.”

Their boss looks a little surprised that Dan had remembered this, and Dan just levels him with a casual smile, quirking an eyebrow in challenge. “Oh, er- right.” PJ stutters out, returning to his speech about whatever it was he was that he had been discussing initially.

“Nice,” Phil whispers from beside Dan, closer to his ear than he had been before. When Dan turns his head, he immediately flushes at the lack of space between them.

He’s engaged! A little voice yells in his head. Heeding this warning for once, he leans away slightly, clearing his throat as nonchalantly as possible. “Thanks,” he mumbles back pleasantly. Glancing down at the notepad, he whispers, “I’d like ‘a’ next.”

A flash of hurt crosses Phil’s face, but it disappears so quickly that Dan realizes he must have just imagined it. “Nope,” Phil says gleefully, drawing the head of the stick man corpse on the gallows at the top of the page.

“Well, damn,” Dan mutters, staring hard at the letters and spaces left on the page. “Um… ‘l’ I guess.”

Phil fills in all the letter ‘l’s that there are, and Dan feels almost slightly more confused. “Next letter,” Phil prompts, poking Dan’s arm with the pen.

Dan sighs before shrugging. “Um… hm… this is hard, Phil.” He stalls, trying to rack his brain for all the Stephen King novels he’d read. If he could think of the title of something that was long enough, he might guess the whole title correctly.

“That’s what he said,” Phil giggles.

Dan’s jaw drops open slightly and he shoots a surprised look at Phil. “Phil Lester,” he whispers, shaking his head. “You’ve changed,” he simpers, turning away dramatically.

Phil elbows him in the ribs sharply, and Dan gasps. A few of their coworkers shoot them dirty looks, and Dan just bites his lip, sending apologetic smiles their way. “You’re no better,” Phil whispers. “You asked me for the ‘d’ earlier.” He reminds him.

Rolling his eyes, Dan shifts in his seat, dropping his arm onto the shared armrest between them, subtly brushing their arms together. “Yeah, but I didn’t specifically ask for your d.” He mutters.

Phil flushes, ducking his head. “Pick a letter,” he hisses, laughter in his tone.

Smiling, Dan guesses another letter, and another, until he’s gotten down to only six blanks, his stick man hanging precariously with two arms and one leg already. “The… girl! The second word is girl.” He says excitedly, tapping his finger on the blanks. Luckily for them, PJ has sort of opened the floor for open discussion for something or other, so there were a couple other people talking, keeping them from getting called out again.

“Finally,” Phil rolls his eyes, writing in the letters, and then going down to the last word and filling in a ‘g’ and a ‘r’ there, too.

“This is so obscure,” Dan shakes his head as he stares at the letters, still confused about what the answer actually is.

“You’re just saying that because they never made a movie about it!” Phil whines.

Dan rolls his eyes. “Well, duh. Obviously, I don’t know what the hell it is if there’s not a movie.”

The older man shifts, pushing up the sleeves of his cardigan slightly. Dan tries not to stare at his beautiful pale wrists, but it’s hard to avert his eyes. He had very lovely hands, and those hands were connected to very lovely wrists, and arms, and… well, you get the idea. “C’mon, Dan. Just a couple more letters.”

Dan sighs, but looks at the notepad again. “The Girl… who! Second word is who…. The Girl Who Lo… Loved… Tom Gordon?” He trails off, unsure.

Phil’s face lights up, and his tongue pokes out between his teeth in that way Dan likes so much. “Yes! That’s it!” Phil fills in the last of the letters and smiles proudly.

“What the hell is that?” Dan asks incredulously, his voice bubbling with laughter.

“It’s a book! I’ve got a copy of it that I can lend you,” Phil’s gaze drops to the notepad again, his fingers twisting around the pen. “I mean, if you want to read it.”

Dan smiles broadly as he studies Phil’s profile. “Of course. I’d love to read it, if it’s something you care so much about.” He says honestly.

Phil smiles at this in response, but before he has the chance to say anything, they hear a tapping on the wall of windows behind them, which separates the conference room from the main office. They both stretch to see who had knocked, and Dan’s face drops considerably when he sees that it’s Charlie Stratford. Otherwise known as Phil’s fiancé. When he sees that he has their attention, he crooks a finger at Phil, indicating for him to come out of the conference room to speak to him. His eyebrows are knitted together, and he has his lips pressed into an angry line, his entire stance exuding irritation.

Dan frowns, glancing over at Phil in worry. Phil only looks down, closing the notepad before awkwardly getting to his feet. “Um, I should- I’ll be back in a minute.” He mumbles, leaving the notepad on his seat and stepping out of the conference room. PJ barely spares him a glance, having seen Charlie waiting outside no doubt, but Dan can’t help but allow his gaze to follow Phil out of the room.

He watches with rapt interest as Charlie clenches his jaw as he begins speaking, too quickly for Dan to read his lips properly. Phil is staring down at his feet, but Charlie brings his hand up, snapping his fingers right in front of Phil’s face to bring his gaze up to meet his own. Dan feels his blood boil at this action, and he has to literally grab ahold of the arm rests to keep himself in his seat, rather than doing something stupid like walking out there to intervene.

Not yours! Not yours, let it go! His mind reminds him helpfully, but Dan tells that voice to shut the hell up. Instead, he watches quietly as Charlie gestures to the window where he’s sat, poking Phil’s chest with his index finger several times right after. Phil seems to speak up then, bringing his arms up as if to hug himself tightly. He shakes his head sharply at something Charlie is saying, his eyes clenching shut. Whatever Charlie is saying must really piss him off, because he turns suddenly, as if to walk back into the conference room.

Dan doesn’t even have a moment to feel relieved that Phil’s getting out of that situation before he’s watching in mute horror as Charlie brings his hand up to grip Phil’s bicep, yanking on his arm harshly to pull him back to face him. That settles it for Dan, and he’s up and out of his seat immediately, holding a hand up to PJ when he questions him.

Having the sense to shut the conference door behind himself, Dan comes to stand beside Phil, tucking his hands in his pockets casually, as to not appear threatening to Charlie. He wasn’t afraid of the twat by any means, but he also wasn’t stupid; Charlie could probably kick his ass in no time, considering he definitely spent more time at the gym than Dan currently did. “Everything alright out here?” He asks pleasantly, trying not to frown at the way Phil cringes when he hears his voice.

“We’re fine, Howell. This is really none of your business, though, so, if you could just go, that’d be great.” Charlie drawls easily, his hand still gripping Phil’s arm tightly. Dan watches as Phil tries to take the distraction as an opportunity to pull his arm out of his grasp, but this only seems to spur Charlie on.

“Maybe you ought to let go of his arm, mate,” Dan suggests instead of leaving, ignoring that notion completely.

Charlie’s eyes narrow, and Phil takes in a deep breath, only to hold it. “Listen, mate,” Charlie starts. “I’m not sure who you think you are, but-“

“Char, please,” Phil whispers, staring pointedly at his fiancé’s face.

The other man drops Phil’s arm only to hold that hand up to his face to silence him. Dan clenches his fists in his pockets at the action, but otherwise remains motionless. “No, no, I want to know what business Howell thinks he’s got coming out here-“

Dan rolls his eyes as he cuts him off, lifting a hand of his own up to silence him. He smirks at the shocked look that crosses Charlie’s face. “I’m his best friend, Char,” he says mockingly. “And no offense, but you’re acting like a dick.”

Phil suddenly turns to face him, his eyes wide. “Dan, stop.” He says sternly. Dan’s taken aback by this, and his eyes flick between Phil’s and Charlie’s for a moment, trying to grasp what it is that he’s supposed to do. “Just… just go. I can handle this myself, just go.” He waves him off, not quite meeting Dan’s gaze.

“No, Phil, he’s-“ Dan protests, gesturing at the twat that Phil’s currently engaged to.

“Go. This isn’t any of your business,” Phil says harshly. Dan takes a hesitant step back, furrowing his eyebrows together in confusion. Phil’s eyes are full of guilt, but he just shakes his head slightly, gesturing to the conference room. Charlie is smirking smugly behind Phil, which Dan ignores.

Dan hesitates, but at Phil’s weak smile and nod, he steps back into the conference room, meeting a few concerned gazes as he goes back to his seat. He can’t help but glance back out the window at Phil, and his heart clenches when he finds that he’s staring down at the floor, his hand holding the portion of his arm that Charlie had been gripping so tightly earlier. And even after being so blatantly dismissed from that altercation, Dan can’t help but feel as if Phil needed him.

---

When Phil finally returns to the conference room a few minutes later, Dan is looking at him with concern, watching him closely. Phil doesn’t meet his eyes, and only flips his notepad open to an empty page. Dan waits patiently for him to speak, but when he doesn’t, Dan nudges him gently on the arm.

“Hey, are you okay?” Dan asks softly, frowning when Phil slowly shifts away from him.

Phil only nods, not meeting his gaze. “Mhm.” He murmurs, carefully writing notes as PJ speaks.

“Oh… okay.” Dan says in confusion.

The older man doesn’t respond, and Dan can only sit by and wonder how badly he’d truly fucked up.

---

It’s almost a week later when things finally go back to normal. The weekend had apparently given Phil the space he needed to get back to his normal self, but Dan wasn’t sure if he really had the same relationship with him as he had before. This caused a few awkward interactions on Monday, but when Dan had gotten up to retrieve some candy from reception and Phil had reminded him that Chris’ birthday was coming up (which they always used as an opportunity for a new prank), they slipped back into their usual banter.

Now, Friday afternoon had rolled around, and everyone was getting excited for the company outing they had planned that night. Every year their boss liked to put together a ridiculous award show for their branch, and this year it was being hosted at a restaurant called The Factory House. Generally, it was a huge waste of time for everyone, but PJ was always super excited for it, and generally everyone was put on the same tab, which was covered by the company, so at least it was a free meal.

“So, Philip Michael Lester,” Dan drawls at the receptionist desk a couple hours before quitting time.

“James Howard,” Phil stutters out, his blush likely due to Dan’s memory and usage of his full name.

Dan puts on an overexaggerated frown, sniffing dramatically. “You don’t even know my name!” he whines, his voice obnoxiously high-pitched.

Phil smirks, typing on his keyboard in feigned nonchalance. “Daniel,” Phil sighs, shaking his head. “Of course, I know your full name. It’s Daniel James “I like to annoy the receptionist” Howell.” His tongue pokes out between his teeth at this, and Dan only laughs.

“Ouch! Phil, I’m wounded.” He brings a hand up to his heart, grinning down at the older man.

Rolling his eyes, Phil stands, grabbing a post-it note that probably held a message for PJ. “Do you even have anything in there to wound?” He questions, nodding at Dan’s hand placement.

His jaw dropping slightly at Phil’s meaner-than-usual insult, Dan lets out a sharp laugh. “Damn, Lester. Who hurt you?” He asks jokingly.

He barely notices it as Phil turns away, but there’s a clear shift in his expression, from joking to slightly alarmed. Dan’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, as he had clearly meant that as a joke. “I’ve got to take this to PJ. Be right back,” Phil mutters, walking around the receptionist counter without meeting Dan’s gaze.

“Oh… Okay.” He frowns as his gaze follows Phil, but just as he steps into Peej’s office, the main door opens, and Dan cringes when Charlie steps through.

Charlie brushes a blonde strand of hair up off his forehead, nodding to Dan with a look of feigned indifference. “Hey, mate,” he uttered, looking reluctant to even acknowledge Dan’s presence.

“Er, hey,” he responds, nodding uncertainly.

Sighing, Charlie steps closer, leaning on the counter about two feet away from Dan. “Look, Dan,” he begins. Dan braces himself to be chewed out for the other day, sure that’s exactly what’s about to happen. He and Phil hadn’t acknowledged any of it, which made Dan equal parts confused and worried, but that doesn’t mean that Charlie hadn’t addressed Dan’s intrusion with Phil. “I just wanted to say thanks. You know, for the other day.”

Dan stares dumbly, even more confused. “Um… you’re welcome? Wait- for what?” He asks uncertainly.

Charlie shrugs, looking awkward to even be saying this. “Well it wasn’t any of your business, obviously-“ Dan clenches his fist at this, but just nods, setting his jaw so he doesn’t say anything stupid. “-but it’s nice to know that Philly has someone here to look out for him. You know, help him get through the day and stuff. I appreciate that.” Charlie smiles pleasantly, as if it’s perfectly normal of him to thank Dan for interrupting their argument, even though at the time Dan had every intention of telling the blonde to fuck off.

“Oh… um… sure, mate.” Dan says awkwardly, really uncertain about what he should even say at this point. He certainly didn’t do it for Charlie, so he didn’t really deserve his thanks in the first place. Especially given the fact Dan couldn’t stand him.

“Charlie?” Phil’s voice says uncertainly from behind them. Both men turn to look at him, and Dan can’t ignore the way Phil seems to retreat into himself in Charlie’s presence. He looks small and uncertain, and Dan loathes the man who made Phil feel like this.

“Hey, babe,” Charlie says with a smirk, stepping closer to Phil and placing a broad hand on his hip. Dan looks away just as Charlie leans down, probably with the intentions of kissing his fiancé.

“Not here,” Phil hisses. Dan’s eyes dart back to them, only to find Phil turn his head at the last second, his eyes meeting Dan’s. He doesn’t hold his gaze, his cheeks flooding and his eyes dropping back to the floor.

“Oh, come on. Dan doesn’t mind. Do you, Dan?” Charlie inquires, and Dan might be imagining it, but he’s pretty sure there’s a challenge in his voice.

Dan shrugs, and as much as he tries to keep his mouth shut, his smart-assery makes itself present. “I’m not into non-consensual voyeurism, so you can keep that to yourself, actually,” he says smoothly before smiling slightly at Phil, tapping the counter once before slipping away to return to his desk.

“Smartass.” Charlie mutters, just loud enough for Dan to catch.

Unable to keep his mouth shut, Dan smirks. “Thanks, mate. I’ve got a degree and everything.”

Dan catches the look of surprise on Charlie’s face, which quickly turns to anger as Phil giggles. “Hilarious,” Charlie remarks dryly. Dan shrugs, sitting in his chair, acting the part of someone who is totally unbothered. However, he does notice the way Charlie smirks before gripping Phil’s waist tightly, shoving his mouth against the ebony-haired man’s roughly. Clenching his jaw hard enough to pop it, Dan reminds himself that there’s absolutely no reason for him to feel burnt up with jealousy and hatred right now, and yet here he is.

“Enough, Char. I’ve got work to do. I’ll see you later, okay?” Phil is saying, pushing Charlie away. Dan glances over as he crosses his arms over his stomach, stepping away from the blonde as if he doesn’t want to touch him. Dan figures Phil must have a thing about PDA, but it pisses him off that Charlie doesn’t seem to realize or respect that.

“Okay, fine. What time is the stupid award thing?”

Phil sighs before answering. “It starts at seven.”

Dan tries to busy himself with a file on his desk, trying not to eavesdrop so obviously. “Okay. See you later, babe. Bye, Howell.” Charlie calls slightly louder to Dan.

Refusing to acknowledge the douchebag, Dan only stares at his desk until he hears the door to the office close. His eyes dart up to look at Phil, who is staring down at the floor with a look of embarrassment on his face. Dan’s heart clenches tightly, and he sits back in his chair slightly. “Haribo, Phil?” He says softly, grabbing the container of gummy snacks that he kept in his desk. He liked them, but Phil loved them, so Dan always kept some around.

Phil turns to face him, a grateful smile gracing his features as he nods, coming over to lean against Dan’s desk. “I think I’d really love some haribo.”

---

Every year it seemed like a miracle that they weren’t kicked out of the restaurant PJ insisted on hosting their award show at. There was always his terrible attempt at hosting, which involved bad and often offensive impressions, as well as office-themed parodies of various iconic songs. Along with this was Chris’ terrible attempt at DJing, which Dan always found hilariously awful. There was also a couple of people who ended up getting too rowdy (generally because PJ says something offensive that, shockingly, offends someone) and occasionally someone would get really drunk. That someone was usually Hazel, but everyone was pretty sure that she was an alcoholic anyway.

This year, it seemed, would be no different than usual, as PJ had started them off with a terrible rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody (which Dan found personally offensive) which he followed by an impression of Tommy Wiseau (which was surprisingly accurate, just very disturbingly so.) Dan had high hopes that this would be the worst of the evening and that maybe it would improve from there, but he’d already been subjected to several years of these stupid ceremonies, so he knew that was only wishful thinking.

It would be slightly more tolerable if he could sit with Phil, but as he had been every year now, Phil was sat with Charlie and Jimmy. Jimmy was an alright guy, the foreman of their warehouse, and if he wasn’t friends with Charlie, Dan figured he’d probably like him a lot more. Phil sat close to Charlie, but he looked uncomfortably rigid. The blonde had an arm thrown around the back of Phil’s chair, and his hand was resting on Phil’s shoulder in a possessive fashion. Dan tried not to stare at that hand, but he was secretly hoping that maybe he had some hidden pyrokinetic powers that would do something fun, like set Charlie’s hand on fire. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.

“So welcome, everyone. This year is going to be a little different,” PJ was announcing into the microphone loudly, and Dan tried his hardest to tune in, filtering out the conversations of Louise and Tom, who he was currently sat with. “We won’t be doing one tab this year, so if you could, just put everything on your own tabs,” PJ continues, his words garnering a predictable response, which was anger on behalf of many of his coworkers, who usually only showed up for the free meal.

“You said we could invite our families this year!” Felix says pointedly from a table behind Dan, and Dan can’t help but agree with his anger. Felix had brought his wife, and he was probably excited to have an excuse to take her somewhere nice without having to pay for it himself.

“Yeah, well, it’s not my fault you actually listened to me for once, Felix.” PJ barely even bats an eye, continuing on as if he hadn’t just disappointed pretty much every one of his colleagues. Dan didn’t particularly care himself, since he was going to have to eat dinner whether he stayed or went home, and he’d rather not cook tonight.

Apparently, some people didn’t share this philosophy, as he notices Charlie and Jimmy standing to leave. “Come on, Phil,” Charlie is saying, tugging at Phil’s arm.

“No, Char, why can’t we-“ Phil is protesting, gingerly trying to pull his arm from Charlie’s grip.

“I won’t say it again, Philip,” Charlie’s voice is low and dead serious, and Dan can only watch helplessly as he manages to drag Phil off his seat, tugging him to the door. Phil glances over his shoulder, his gaze meeting Dan’s, a frown clear on his face.

PJ notices their departure and calls them out, but Charlie just shakes his head with a roll of his eyes. Dan stares at the door where they’d disappeared, but there’s nothing he can do. He sighs to himself, tuning back into the conversation Louise and Tom are in.

“I’d love to stay, honest, but I left Liam at home with the girls because I thought I’d get a nice dinner for free,” the blonde blushes at this, but Dan knows she doesn’t mean this in a bad way. She was a busy woman with two small kids, of course she’d jump at the chance to go out for the night with a paid dinner. “Tom, would you mind driving me? I’d hate to ask Liam to come pick me up since he’s probably making dinner for the girls.”

Tom shrugs but stands and pulls his jacket on. “Sure, Lou. I’m in it for the free food myself, so not much keeping me here.” He jokes. They seem to notice Dan just sat there, and Tom claps him on the back. “You staying here, mate?” Tom asks.

Dan nods. “Yeah, might as well. Someone’s got to stay and report back on all the worst moments on Monday.” His lips quirk into a small smile.

Louise frowns, bringing a hand to touch Dan’s arm. “Are you sure, love? If you’d like you can join us for dinner.” She turns to Tom then. “You’re invited too, dear, since you’re being kind enough to play chauffer.” She says sweetly, always living to host.

Tom grins at this. “Oh, definitely, Lou. I accept.” He too turns to Dan, shrugging. “Suit yourself, mate, but you know where to find us if you change your mind.”

With another small smile, Dan nods. “It’s fine, really. I’ll see the both of you Monday.” He waves them off.

Sending an apology to PJ, Louise and Tom quickly make their exit, and Dan sighs to himself, flipping the menu around to scan it for something that isn’t too expensive. He’d already ordered a beer, which sat by his left hand, mostly untouched. He’s trying to tune out PJ’s parody of Toxic by Britney Spears when the chair across from him squeaks, someone joining him.

His jaw drops in unfiltered surprised as he sees Phil sitting across from him, his cheeks rosy in what looks like embarrassment. “Mind if I join you?” He asks timidly.

Dan smiles broadly then, shaking his head. “Course not. How’d you manage to get away from Sir Charlie?” He teases, pushing his beer across to Phil when he sees him eyeing it.

“Thanks,” Phil sighs, taking several large gulps of the alcohol. Dan had never really seen Phil have more than a couple drinks over the years, mainly at various work functions and a couple house parties of mutual friends. He watches quietly as Phil downs nearly the whole glass before lowering it, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. His cheeks flood with color when he meets Dan’s amused stare. “Sorry,” he apologizes, before seemingly remembering that Dan had asked him a question. “I told him I wanted to stay. I’ll get a ride from Louise or someone later.” He shrugs as if it’s no big deal.

Dan almost laughs, but he just clears his throat. “Well, Tom actually drove Louise home, since I think Liam drove her here.” Phil’s face falls at this information, so Dan continues timidly. “But I can give you a ride home later,” he offers, looking down at the menu casually.

Phil brightens at this, nodding immediately. “Thanks, I’d appreciate that, actually.” He nods happily, and Dan smiles to himself. Phil downs the rest of the beer quickly, and Dan quirks an eyebrow. Phil shrugs. “After the week I’ve had, I think I deserve this.”

Dan smirks before waving over the waitress. “Can we get two of the blue margaritas?” He requests, smiling when Phil’s face lights up in excitement. The waitress nods before disappearing, and Dan tilts his head at Phil. “Is that okay with you?” He asks, suddenly unsure. Phil just seemed more like the type to enjoy sweet alcoholic drinks, and he really did seem like he needed a drink.

Nodding frantically, Phil opens his own menu. “Yes, absolutely.” Almost as an afterthought, he adds, “Charlie never lets me drink.”

Trying to hide his frown, Dan hums. “Really? Why’s that?” He asks mildly, trying his hardest not to sound too pressing or nosy.

Phil shrugs as if the question doesn’t bother him in the slightest. “He says he doesn’t like me when I’m drunk.” He gets a thoughtful look on his face and looks up at Dan suddenly. “I don’t like him much when I’m drunk, either,” he admits, sounding almost as if he’s just realized this.

Before Dan gets a chance to unpack that, PJ is announcing an award, and their coworkers are clapping with feigned interest. Dan joins in clapping half-heartedly, still looking over at Phil with a frown etched on his face. He wonders idly what their relationship is like behind closed doors, and he tries his hardest not to notice the way Phil’s eyes just look so, so tired.

When the margaritas arrive, Dan only takes a sip out of his before he splutters, hearing the groan- no the moan, loud and way too sexual to be garnered from a simple drink- that slips out of Phil’s mouth. Dan raises his eyebrows, ignoring the heat swelling in his stomach at the scene in front of him. Phil’s lips are wrapped tightly around the small straw in his glass, and he has this blissed-out look on his face as if it’s the best thing he’s ever tried. Dan’s mouth goes dry just looking at him, and he feels as if his face is burning with how red it is now.

Phil opens his eyes and slowly meets Dan’s gaze, and Dan isn’t prepared at all for the lazy smirk that crosses his face. “What?” he asks, sipping his drink as if he truly has no idea what kind of effect he’s having on the younger man.

Dan swallows hard, shaking his head. “Nothing,” he stutters out.

Gesturing to the glass that Dan is just idly stirring, Phil asks, “Are you going to drink that?”

Dan chokes out a laugh, grinning as he slides the margarita over to Phil. “I think you can have it,” he laughs, watching as Phil grins, finishing off his own before promptly dumping his straw into Dan’s glass.

“Thanks,” Phil beams. Shaking his head, Dan tunes in to their boss, who is announcing an award for Best Procrastinator. With a groan, Dan fully expects it when his own name is called. As he stands, Phil starts cheering loudly, his voice already slurring together with the alcohol coursing through his veins. “Woo! That’s my best friend! Go best friend!” He shouts loudly, earning a few curious and amused glances from the others in the office.

Dan takes the award with an embarrassed smile, nodding his thanks at PJ before stepping back over to his table. Phil smiles broadly at him, doing the tongue thing again as Dan sits. “I guess this is better than what I got last year,” he shrugs, mostly to himself. He looks up at Phil, who’s got this soft sort of smile on his face. “Remember last year when I got the Straight Up Lad award because of that one time I talked to PJ about England’s football team?”

Giggling, Phil nods. “That was hilarious.” He gushes out, his eyes slightly unfocused.

Nodding along, Dan shrugs, unthinking about his own words. “It was ridiculous. There’s nothing straight about me.” At this, he blushes profusely, glancing up at Phil. Of course, Phil wouldn’t judge him for being gay, Phil was gay himself, after all. But this was the first time Dan had said it so explicitly.

Phil stares at him for a moment, surprise on his features, before he suddenly bursts out laughing, his eyes squeezing shut as he throws his head back to laugh. Dan only stares at him fondly, wishing more than anything that he could see him laugh like that forever. He felt such a warmth in his stomach from getting that kind of reaction out of Phil, and he knew it had everything to do with his crush on him. Dan had never felt it hit him so powerfully, however, and he found it hard to resist his instinct to lean over and kiss Phil, which is what he wanted more than anything.

Wiping a tear of mirth from his eye, Phil glances up at Dan with a smile. “Wow, Dan,” he sighs. “I can’t believe you.”

Dan shrugs sheepishly, unsure if this is meant in a good way or a bad one. “Yeah… that was… That was pretty bad,” he agrees, watching as Phil slurps up the rest of his second margarita, tossing the straw out to tilt it back into his mouth, catching the last dregs and the ice cubes. Dan smiles fondly at this.

Just as he goes to speak again, maybe to tease Phil about being a lightweight, PJ breaks the moment. “Now this next one, goes to our very own receptionist, Phil Lester,” He starts. Dan immediately cringes, hoping and praying to a god that he doesn’t believe in that PJ isn’t about to do the same shit he always does. Every year for the past three years since they’d gotten engaged, Phil had received the “Longest Engagement” award. Phil didn’t know it, but about a week ago, when PJ had been discussing award ideas with Dan, he’d begged PJ to pick something else, anything else.

Phil too, seems to tense up, probably expecting the usual embarrassment over his silly award. Dan doesn’t think before he reaches across the table, brushing his fingers against the back of Phil’s hands in a comforting fashion. Phil’s blue eyes flicker to his, a small smile quirking at his lips.

PJ continues his speech, and Dan clenches his jaw. Please not again. “And I’m sure all of you know just what it is that Philip here is getting,” PJ teases, enjoying the drama of drawing this out as much as possible. Dan glares daggers at him, but PJ either doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care. Before Dan can say anything, PJ continues, “We all know Phil Lester as the man who’s been engaged for going on four years and has yet to set a date for this wedding.”

Phil closes his eyes, shaking his head lightly. Dan wonders vaguely if he wishes he was less drunk right now. “No,” he whispers, probably thinking this is going in the direction is usually does.

“But, there’s more to Phil Lester than meets the eye.” PJ is saying, causing Dan and Phil to share a confused look before looking to their boss. “No, Phil is also the receptionist, and Dan’s best friend, and also one of the hottest in the office, let’s be honest.” There are a few laughs at this, and Phil’s just drunk enough that he barely blushes. “But no, Phil is also a family man. And by this, I mean that Phil spends a lot of time talking with his mum, or about her. I feel like Kathryn’s best friend sometimes, Phil, from how much I know about her at this point.”

Phil does blush at this and looks down as if he’s ashamed. Dan just smiles broadly, still a little unsure where this is going, but definitely glad that it’s not the same way it usually is. “I just love my mum,” Phil mumbles defensively, causing Dan to chuckle quietly, earning him a light kick in the shin from the older man.

“So, without further ado… Phil, come collect your Biggest Momma’s Boy award!” PJ announces, causing laughter and a round of polite applause to erupt from their colleagues.

Dan smiles broadly, clapping loudly. “Woo!” He mimics Phil’s earlier actions. “Go best friend!” He cheers, grinning smugly when Phil sticks his tongue out at him.

Phil stumbles unevenly to their boss to collect his trophy, and he’s got a wide, uneven smile on his face. Dan props his chin on his hand, staring at Phil fondly. He truly was adorable. Phil takes the trophy in one hand and the microphone from PJ in the other, and Dan raises his eyebrows, curious to see what kind of musings drunk-Phil is about to share with them. “Wow, guys. Thank you so much, I- I don’t even know what to say.” Phil slurs, staring down at the trophy. A few people laugh at this, and Phil flushes.

“Speech!” Dan calls, cupping his hands around his mouth.

Smiling, Phil nods. “That’s a great idea! I’d like to thank my mum, first of all. I love my mum.” Dan snickers at this good-naturedly. Phil hums into the microphone, looking around the room as if he’s thinking. “Oh, and PJ! Thank you, Peej, I like this award. It’s better than the engagement thing. That hurt my feelings.” Phil frowns as he lets this slip, and stares at the floor with his eyebrows furrowed.

Dan frowns, biting his lip as he glances to PJ. Their boss looks guilty, and he reaches for the microphone with an awkward smile. “Right, well, we should move on…”

Phil ducks out of his reach, shaking his head. “No, wait! I also wanna thank Dan, cause, you know, he’s my best friend and I love him.” A confused sort of round of applause goes around their coworkers, and Dan’s cheeks heat up as he looks down. “Oh! I almost forgot!” Phil adds, PJ holding the end of the microphone while Phil holds the top. Dan’s almost certain he’s about to bring Charlie into this, but instead he’s surprised when that’s not what comes out. “I’d like to thank God, too. I feel him here tonight.”

One of the more religious coworkers of theirs starts clapping loudly at this, and Phil just grins widely before releasing the microphone all together. The applause he receives dies down as he stumbles over to his seat, tripping over his own feet. Dan jumps to his feet and manages to catch him just before he falls on his face. “Woah, easy there, tiger,” Dan chastises, pulling Phil up to stand straighter.

Phil looks up into Dan’s eyes, leaning in close. Giggles tumble out of his lips, and he’s so close to Dan’s face that he can feel his breath ghost across his own lips. “My hero,” Phil whispers. Then, surprisingly quick and precise for someone so drunk, Phil ducks forward and presses his lips to Dan’s firmly, catching the younger man completely by surprise. Dan can’t help but squeeze Phil’s sides where he’s holding him steady, responding to the kiss gently.

Pulling away, Phil blinks slowly, staring at Dan’s lips. He giggles then, loudly. “Sorry,” he whispers, bringing a hand up to pat Dan’s cheek.

Dan clears his throat, nodding and stepping away, helping Phil to his seat. “Uh- it’s- it’s okay.” He nods, trying his hardest not to fixate on the fact that he had just felt Phil’s lips against his own.

He glances around, and he’s surprised to see that basically none of their coworkers are even giving them a second look. And sure, it wasn’t like they had made out or anything, but he’d definitely expected some kind of reaction out of them. He awkwardly returns to his seat, running a hand through his curls as he glances over at Phil, who is resting his head on his arm on the table, trailing his hand through the ring of water left behind from one of the margaritas.

“Phil, you okay?” Dan asks quietly, leaning over the table to speak to Phil.

“I don’t feel well,” Phil admits, closing his eyes.

“Oh, um… Do you want to go home?” Dan asks, slightly disappointed.

Phil shakes his head slowly. “No. Wanna eat something first.” He whispers.

Dan smiles at this, pulling his menu out from under Phil’s arm. “Yeah? What would you like?”

Inhaling deeply, Phil’s eyelids flutter. “You,” he says, almost inaudible.

Dan clears his throat at this, glancing around quickly to ensure that no one heard that. Phil was drunk, he probably had no idea what Dan even asked him. “No, what would you like for dinner, Phil? Do you want the chicken alfredo? I know you like that.” Dan’s barely grasping for straws here, trying hard to move the conversation to a safer place.

Phil hums at this, and his eyelids finally flicker open. “Yeah, that sounds good. Can I have another margarita?” He asks hopefully.

Smiling gently, Dan shakes his head and waves over the waitress. “No, bab- Phil. I think you need some water.”

Phil sighs, but nods. Dan relays their order to the waitress, and then sits back, watching as Phil traces shapes onto the table with the water. PJ’s voice is just background noise, and Dan feels his heart flood with warmth when Phil’s eyes flicker up to meet his. “What?” He asks softly.

Dan bites his lip, shaking his head. “Nothing,” he assures him.

Smiling, Phil props his head up with his hand to look Dan in the eyes. “I’m glad Charlie left,” he states easily, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Yeah?” Dan inquires, mirroring Phil’s stance and leaning forward across the table.

Phil nods seriously. “Yeah, he was being a dick.”

Dan laughs at this, but nods. “Mhm, I noticed.” He tries not to sound so thrilled that Phil has confessed this to him, but given the events of the night, it was hard to keep his emotions in check.

Sighing, Phil drops his eyes to the table. “Sometimes I really wish he had picked someone else,” he whispers softly.

Dan pauses at this, unsure of what exactly it is he needs to say. What?

Before he has the chance to ask for clarification, the waitress returns with their meals, placing them in front of them before asking if they need anything else. Dan just smiles tightly and shakes his head, asking her to bring it to them on a shared tab. He’s glad Phil is inebriated, because if he wasn’t Dan’s pretty sure he’d try to argue with him about paying for his meal.

They eat in silence, Phil making appreciative humming noises when Dan asks if his food is alright. He asks for a cup of water to go from the waitress before sending her off with his credit card to pay for their food. The award ceremony is dwindling to a close, and Dan figures they could go ahead and leave when his card is brought back. Phil finishes off his food and sits back with a sigh, smiling tiredly at Dan.

“Did you have enough to eat?” Dan asks him sweetly.

Phil smiles, a soft look to his face as he nods. “Mhm. It was really good. Did she-“

“Here you go, sir. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” The waitress returns with Dan’s card, and sets the cup of water down in front of Phil.

“Thanks,” Dan smiles at her, pulling his wallet out to return his card to its proper spot.

Phil furrows his eyebrows at Dan then, his lips dropping into a pout. “Did you pay for mine?” He asks in a small voice.

Dan chews on his lip uncertainly, suddenly wondering if Phil would be genuinely upset. “I-“ before he can finish, Phil interrupts him.

“Charlie never does that,” he whispers, staring hard at the table.

Dan swallows a lump in his throat and nods, standing and tugging on his coat before going around to grab Phil’s off the back of his chair. He holds it out for him, nodding. “C’mon, Phil. Let’s get you home.”

Phil shoves his arms into the sleeves, mumbling something Dan can’t really hear. PJ doesn’t spare them much of a second glance, probably realizing that Phil was completely trashed at this point. Dan gingerly wraps an arm around Phil’s waist, guiding him to the door as the older man stumbles around. “Easy, careful. Watch your step,” Dan says quietly as he helps Phil out to his car. Phil giggles as he climbs into the passenger seat, clearly finding his inability to walk in a straight line to be pretty hilarious.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” Phil murmurs as Dan gets in the driver’s seat and helps Phil buckle his seatbelt.

“You’re welcome,” Dan smiles over at him as he starts the car.

Phil breathes deeply, closing his eyes. “No one ever takes care of me.”

Dan’s heart clenches tightly at this, and he can’t help but lean over and grip Phil’s hand. “I…” He swallows hard before continuing, knowing he can’t say this, he can’t mean this, because he just can’t, Phil’s not his, and yet, he still says it. “I’ll always do my best to take care of you, Phil.” He whispers.

Phil doesn’t answer, but he does squeeze Dan’s hand. They ride in silence for the next few minutes, and it isn’t until they get closer to the apartment Phil and Charlie share that Dan begins to let himself feel sad. He doesn’t want to do this, to just let Phil go back to that douchebag. Because Dan’s selfish and he wants to keep Phil for himself.

“Phil? We’re almost there. Do you want to drink some more of this water to sober up before you go home?” Dan asks, because he’s not a dick, and he’s not going to overstep his boundaries here.

Surprisingly, Phil shakes his head, and then sits up as if he’s remembered something important. “Please don’t make me go home,” he pleads suddenly, turning to face Dan with a look of panic on his face.

Dan frowns, glancing over at Phil as he takes a turn onto the street Phil lives on. “What? Phil, I-“

Phil shakes his head frantically. “I don’t want to go back to Charlie. I can’t, I can’t do it, Dan.” His voice wavers then, and Dan feels his hand come up to grip his forearm.

“I… Phil, what do you mean? You don’t want to go home tonight, or…?”

Phil seems to swallow hard then, glancing out the window at his apartment building that Dan has just pulled up in front of. “I don’t love him anymore,” he whispers, his voice breaking.

Dan draws in a deep breath at this, holding it for a second as he tries to process what he’s just been told. He lets it out slowly and gradually, letting the car idle, never taking his hands off the wheel. His head is swimming with thoughts, most of which he has absolutely no clue how to address. “Okay…” Dan says slowly. “You need to tell him, I think,” he says softly into the quietness surrounding them.

“I can’t,” Phil protests, shaking his head. “He’ll… I don’t know what he’d do if I did that, but I just… I can’t be with him.”

Struggling to make sense of this but knowing that he’s got to come up with some sort of solution here, Dan sighs. “Do you want to come stay at mine tonight, and try to figure this out tomorrow?”

Phil nods, his eyes wide and full of unshed tears. Dan’s heart breaks a little at the sight. “Yeah, I’d like that.” His voice is quiet and full of gratitude.

Dan nods, smiling sadly before pulling back onto the main road towards his own flat.

There had been a couple occasions where Phil had come over, but never on his own. It was always with a group, when Dan had parties and such and invited the people they worked with. It was rare, but it had happened a few times, so Phil already knew what Dan’s flat looked like. Still, Dan felt awkwardly nervous about inviting Phil in.

Dan unlocks the door with one hand, his other resting on Phil’s lower back comfortingly. “C’mon,” he says quietly, guiding Phil in.

Phil glances around the lounge, looking slightly out of place. Dan smiles at this, shrugging of his coat and pushing his shoes off by the door. “You can just make yourself at home,” he stated, gesturing to the sofa. “I’m going to go get you some ibuprofen tablets. Do you need anything else?” Dan asks, propping his hands on his hips.

The older man glances at him, a soft smile on his face. “No, I’m good.”

Dan smiles and holds up a finger to indicate that he’d be back in a minute. He stops in his bedroom and shucks off his pants and his button-up, pulling on his pajamas quickly so Phil doesn’t have to wait on his own very long. He stops in the bathroom and grabs the ibuprofen before returning to the lounge, where Phil is waiting, his phone held up to his ear. He glances up at Dan with a frown on his face, but only shakes his head when Dan gives him a concerned look.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. Yeah.” He hangs up quickly after that, sighing deeply. “That was Charlie. I was just calling him to let him know that I wouldn’t be home tonight.” He explains to Dan, standing up and stumbling slightly.

Dan nods, scratching the back of his neck uncertainly. “Here, take these.” He hands the pills to Phil, nodding to the to-go cup on the coffee table, still mostly full of water.

“Thanks,” Phil says softly. He takes the tablets quickly, swallowing a few sips of water before setting the cup back down and rocking on his heels awkwardly. His eyes are still wet with tears, and Dan looks at him in sympathy.

“Come here,” he whispers, grabbing his hand and bringing him in for an embrace. Although Phil was four years older, Dan was a good inch or two taller than him, and so he easily tucked Phil’s head into the crook of his neck, pushing a hand up through his hair to hold him there. Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist and Dan’s heart clenches when Phil begins shaking, silently crying. “Shh. It’s okay. Everything is fine.”

“I’m sorry,” Phil gasps against Dan’s neck, which is quickly growing wet with tears.

Shaking his adamantly, Dan tightens his grip around Phil’s shoulders. “Don’t be silly. There’s nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I should be sorry that you’re engaged to such a dick,” he says in a poor attempt at lightening the mood.

Phil has a similar sense of humor and manages a wet laugh. “Soon to be ex,” he responds glumly.

Dan swallows hard at hearing the words spoken aloud for the first time. Sure, he’d expected Phil to break up with him, but he was still a little pleasantly surprised that he actually planned on doing so. Rather than ask about the when and how of this like he very much wants to, Dan pulls away just enough to look Phil in the eyes. “C’mon. I know what’ll make you feel better.” He slowly steps back, taking Phil by the hand to pull him towards the bathroom. Phil’s eyes widen comically, probably assuming Dan meant something completely different, and the younger man only laughs. “A bubble bath, you spoon.” He rolls his eyes fondly when Phil’s mouth drops into an ‘o’ in understanding.

Turning the faucet on and checking to make sure the water is at the perfect temperature, Dan shoves the stopper in before turning to grab a basket of assorted bath bombs and salts. He was a bit of a diva when it came to his baths, and he liked having a lot of good scented stuff to choose from. He hands it to Phil, who looks amusedly surprised. “Here, pick whatever you like. I’m gonna go grab you some pajamas and I’ll be right back.”

Phil nods, digging around in the basket and checking a few of the names on each of the products, likely checking for a scent he would like. Dan smiles to himself before ducking out of the bathroom, grabbing a pair of boxers, an Undertale t-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants. He normally slept in boxers himself, but he’d probably be sleeping in his Game of Thrones pajama pants tonight since he was planning on offering to let Phil share his bed. He knew that was probably crossing a line, but there wasn’t a spare bedroom and the couch wasn’t long enough for either of them to sleep on. It really only made sense to offer Phil the other side of his bed.

When Dan returns to the bathroom, he’s greeted with the sight of Phil already standing with his shirt off, folded neatly on the counter by the sink. He seems to be debating about his trousers when Dan walks in, and the older man’s face floods with color when Dan smiles at him. “Did you pick some of the bombs and things out?” He asks, holding up the pajamas to show Phil before setting them on the sink as well.

“Oh, um, yeah.” He points to the things he’d picked out and Dan wanders over, smiling when he sees that Phil had picked a strawberry-scented Pokéball bath bomb and a small packet of mint-scented salts.

“I have some bubbles too,” Dan informs him, reaching onto the shelf and grabbing the bottle. Without waiting for his reaction, Dan pours a generous amount into the slowly filling tub, setting the bottle back before grabbing the bomb and unwrapping it, tossing it into the tub. He can feel Phil’s gaze on him, and he tries hard to ignore their close proximity as he pours the salts in as well. “There we go,” he announces proudly, turning around to face Phil.

Phil’s expression has shifted into one of determination as he steps even closer to Dan, and Dan barely realizes what it is that he’s doing until he feels Phil’s hands on his waist, tugging him closer. Phil leans in, and just as he presses his lips to Dan’s, the younger man tilts his head just to the side, so that Phil’s lips fall on his dimple instead.

Dan swallows hard, feeling Phil tense up when he realizes his kiss had been rejected. It takes everything in Dan to do it, but he gently leans away, putting a little more space between them so he can look into Phil’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says softly.

“No, no. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what got into me.” Phil shakes his head adamantly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows, avoiding Dan’s gaze pointedly.

Sighing, Dan gingerly brings a hand up to Phil’s chin, tilting it so that their eyes meet. “I want to. Believe me, I really, really want to,” he says slowly, staring straight into those blue-green eyes and hoping that Phil understands how much he wants him, how much he has wanted him for years. “But, you’re still engaged. Whether you’re ending it or not, right now you’re an engaged man, and I’m…” Dan trails off, struggling to find the right words. “I’m not going to be that man, the one who does… that.”

Phil stares at him for a long moment before nodding slowly, a kind of resigned look on his face. “Okay,” he whispers, sounding sad, but at the same time understanding.

“I want to, though. I’ve wanted that since I met you, really. But I just… we can’t do that. Not now, at least. Okay?”

Nodding, Phil steps away from him. “Okay. I… I think I respect that.”

Dan tries his hardest to hide his smile. “You think?” He asks, biting his lip.

Phil rolls his eyes, but grins. “Yeah. I think so.” He turns around to see that the bath is basically full at that point, and Dan turns to leave. “Uh, Dan?”

“Hm?” The younger man turns back around, quirking an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Can you… um, will you stay in here with me?” He asks timidly, looking embarrassed for even asking.

Dan smiles at this, and nods. It’s not like they’re doing anything. Phil just needs the company, and Dan is more than willing to grant him that. “Yeah. I’ll, uh-“ he points to the door again, gesturing to Phil’s clothes with the other hand. “Just tell me when you’re in the bath,” he says quietly as he turns around to give Phil privacy to undress.

He hears the sound of Phil’s zipper, followed by a stumbling as he no doubt struggles to stand up straight as he removes his clothes. A minute later, Dan hears the sound of the water sloshing against the side of the tub as Phil slips into the bathtub. After a minute of silence, Phil whispers, “okay.”

Dan turns around slowly, ensuring that Phil really is ready for him to do so, and he tries to keep his heart still as he sees Phil looking up at him with soft doe eyes, surrounded by bubbles. Smiling at how adorable he is, Dan walks over and sits himself on the side of the tub. “Is it warm enough?” He asks, dipping his fingers into the water at the edge of the tub.

Phil nods, his hands on his lap. Dan tries very hard to ignore the fact that there’s nothing but water and bubbles separating Phil from Dan’s gaze. He feels his face heat at the very thought, and when his eyes return to Phil’s face he’s smirking, likely because Dan had just been staring at his crotch area. Dan blushes even more profusely at this, purposefully turning away to stare at the wall behind Phil’s head.

He jumps slightly when he feels something wet and soft come up to touch his hand that’s resting on the edge of the tub to support himself. He glances down, a small smile gracing his face when he realizes that it’s Phil’s hand. Tracing his thumb over the wet skin, Dan’s eyes stay focused on their hands as Phil speaks. “Thank you,” he whispers.

Dan shrugs. “You can stop saying that. You’re my best friend, I’d do anything for you.” He would be embarrassed at how sappy that sounds, but he knows that it’s the truth. He absolutely would do anything for Phil.

“Still,” Phil shrugs. “I wasn’t kidding when I said no one ever takes care of me. Generally, I’m the one that does that for Charlie, but he’s not the same way with me.” Phil glances down at the water then, his lips curved into a frown.

Frowning, Dan brings his hand up to push back the hair that had fallen out of Phil’s quiff and onto his forehead. “Well, I’m not Charlie.” He shrugs simply, nodding to the shampoo bottle on the other side of Phil. “Hand me the shampoo.”

Phil does as asked, handing the bottle to Dan and then watching with rapt attention as Dan pours some of the fruity-smelling liquid into his hand. Dan shifts so that he’s got better access to Phil’s hair, grabbing a cup that he keeps on the edge of the bathtub for this very thing. “Close your eyes,” he breathes, suddenly feeling overwhelmed at the intimacy in this moment. His hands shake as he fills up the cup with water, his eyes tracing over the line of Phil’s neck as he tilts his head back to avoid getting water in his face.

With a careful hand, Dan manages to wet the black hair completely before lathering it in the shampoo, taking his sweet time massaging Phil’s head as he does so. Phil’s making the most adorable little sighs, and every now and then he’ll make a noise that sounds like a hum, which doesn’t help Dan’s growing… problem in his pants. “Are you enjoying this?” Dan asks, intending for it to come out sounding like a joke, but at this point he’s a little breathless and it come out sounding nearly seductive.

Phil doesn’t even seem to notice this, only nodding. “Feels nice,” he whispers.

Dan smiles proudly before finally rinsing off the shampoo. He grabs his conditioner next and gives him a repeat, although he lets the conditioner sit longer. “I’m guessing you don’t get your hair washed by someone else very often?” He asks quietly, a sadness to his voice. Dan honestly always loved having his hair washed or washing someone else’s. His last boyfriend enjoyed sharing a bath as much as Dan did, so they did it pretty often. Too bad he was a cheater.

Phil shakes his head slowly in response to Dan’s words. “No…Sometimes Charlie wants to… um…” he trails off and his cheeks flood with color, and Dan smirks.

“Sometimes he wants to have shower sex?” He guesses easily, biting his tongue when Phil smacks his arm lightly.

“Shut up,” he grumbles, laughter in his tone. “But yeah. Something like that. And like, that’s fine, but sometimes…” He sighs then, as if he’s not sure what he’s even trying to say. But Dan gets it, honestly.

He gingerly raises the cup of water to rinse off the conditioner, running a hand through Phil’s hair as he does. “Sometimes it’s nice to be taken care of,” he says conversationally.

“Yeah,” Phil whispers.

Dan only smiles before focusing solely on rinsing out his hair, which he does without getting a single drop into Phil’s eyes. “There. All done,” he murmurs when he’s finished, leaning back and wiping his hands on his pajama pants.

Phil opens his eyes slowly, smiling up at Dan with such a fond look that it grips Dan’s heart. “Thank you for washing my hair,” Phil whispers. Dan only nods wordlessly before standing, grabbing a towel and setting it on the edge of the tub.

“I’ll step out, so you can get dressed.” He nods to the pajamas before stepping out of the bathroom, hearing the sound of the water draining out of the tub behind him. He walks to his room slowly, taking a minute to catch his breath and let himself process everything that’s happened tonight. It’s been a truly long evening, and he knew that Phil was likely feeling much worse than he was, since he would likely have a hangover tomorrow, while Dan wouldn’t. He sighs as he sits on the edge of his bed, glancing at the digital alarm clock beside his bed, which reads 10:03.

“Hey, um,” Phil says from the doorway, shifting around awkwardly. Dan smiles at how cute he is standing there in Dan’s clothes, but then he’s thinking about how Phil is in his clothes and his heart is racing again. “Do you have like a blanket I can borrow?” He asks, sending Dan briefly into confusion before he realizes he hadn’t told Phil the sleeping arrangements for the night.

“Oh, you can sleep with me. I promise I don’t talk in my sleep or anything like that, and it’s comfier than the sofa.” He says, biting his lip as he waits for Phil’s response.

Please don’t freak out, please don’t freak out.

Phil looks surprised, but he chews on his lip as if he’s hiding a smile. “Okay… are you sure?” He asks again, his face unsure.

Dan nods, shifting on his bed and pulling the duvet down on the side he doesn’t sleep on, patting the space in invitation. “Yeah, come on. Just turn the light off on your way.”

Flicking the switch and casting the room in darkness, Phil stumbles toward the bed, sinking down slowly when he reaches the mattress. Dan crawls under the duvet himself, turning to face Phil on his side as he waits for the older man to get comfortable. He can just make out his face in the darkness, and Dan smiles at him. “Warm enough?” He asks, reaching out to pull the duvet further up onto Phil’s shoulder.

“Mhm. Very cosy.” Phil’s voice is quiet in the darkness, and Dan’s heart swells as a little voice reminds him that they’re actually sharing a bed.

“Good.” Shifting a little to tuck his hand under his pillow, Dan tries to keep a respectful distance away. He’d rejected Phil’s kiss not an hour ago, he needed to be careful with how he proceeded here.

“I’m scared, Dan.” Phil’s voice breaks the silence as Dan settles into a comfortable position. “I’m scared that Charlie is going to be mad when I tell him I don’t want to be with him.”

Dan takes a slow inhale, really unsure with how he needed to respond to that. “I know,” he starts slowly, because he did know. Of course Phil was nervous to do that, it was a terrifying thing to do, especially with someone as neurotic as Charlie seemed to be. “But I can go with you, if you want. I don’t want you to do it alone.” He tentatively reaches out, finding Phil’s hand in the darkness.

Phil’s fingers intertwine with his, the older man squeezing gently. “Thank you. I think I’d like that.”

Dan’s mind catches on the “think” part of his sentence, and he idly thinks about how a lot of things that Phil says include that word, as if he feels that he can’t just say that he’s sure about something. It almost feels like a safety net to Dan, but perhaps that’s just him projecting; with several years of therapy for his own issues under his belt, he can confidently say that he tends to do that sometimes.

His thoughts are interrupted as Phil pulls his hand away slowly. “Hey, Dan?” He asks quietly.

“Mhm?” Dan responds in the same tone. There’s a pause, and Dan props himself up on his elbow. “What?” He asks, concerned.

“Can you… Can you turn around? Like, can we… nevermind. Goodnight.” Phil’s words are rushed, and Dan feels the bed shift as Phil turns around.

Dan frowns, staring at the back of Phil’s head, which is kind of just a blur in the darkness. Tentatively, he sets a hand on Phil’s shoulder. “What do you need, Phil? Do you…” he’s unsure if he’s projecting here or if maybe, just maybe, Phil wanted the same thing he did here. “Do you want to cuddle?” He asks, feeling silly even asking.

To his relief, Phil rolls back over, and Dan can just make out the smile on his face in the darkness. “Please,” he whispers.

Dan smiles at this and settles back down. “Do you want to be the big spoon?” He asks, Phil’s earlier words bouncing around in his head.

Phil nods quickly, confirming Dan’s thoughts. Dan dutifully turns around and scoots back to press his back to Phil’s chest. This is okay, right? He can cuddle with his best friend. It’s not like they’re doing anything that would compromise a relationship, even if that relationship was coming to an end. This was just simple, platonic cuddling.

“Better?” Dan asks as Phil drapes an arm over his waist, intertwining their fingers. Phil’s left arm is pillowing his head, and Dan feels small and safe like this, something he rarely feels. Even if this evening had been about making Phil feel safe and taken care of, Dan feels that this might be doing the trick for him too.

“Mhm. Much. I never get to be the big spoon,” Phil mumbles sleepily against Dan’s neck. Dan squirms as he feels his lips brush the space there, his neck an incredibly sensitive place for him generally. “Sorry, I forgot about your neck thing,” Phil whispers, holding his face a little further away.

Dan smiles at how considerate he was, closing his eyes as he truly lets himself feel how exhausted he is. “It’s okay. I don’t mind,” he responds quietly.

Phil laughs softly then, and after a few moments, Dan feels his breathing slow down, getting slower and deeper. Dan smiles at this and starts working on matching his own breathing to Phil’s. Falling asleep like this is nice and almost therapeutic for Dan, and the last thing he thinks of as he falls asleep is that by the following night, Phil would be a single man.

---

The next morning is a little strange for both of them, mainly because when they wake up, their legs are tangled together and there’s not an inch of space between them. Phil’s left arm had somehow managed to shift last night to cushion Dan’s head, while his right hand had somehow wound up tucked under Dan’s shirt. While Dan had blushed at this, he also thought it was sort of adorable. He feels even breaths on his neck and just lays there in silence for a moment before he feels Phil slowly tracing shapes on his stomach. So, a good strange, but strange nonetheless.

After getting up and making coffee, Dan suggests that they have pancakes before the inevitable part of the day where he drives Phil back to his apartment, where he’s going to break things off with Charlie. Dan doesn’t want to feel good about this, at least on Phil’s behalf, because he knows better than anyone that sometimes even a toxic relationship can hurt when you let go of it. So, he was determined to be there for Phil, in whatever capacity he could be.

They have a quiet breakfast, mainly due to the fact that Phil is still a little hungover and his head his hurting, but Dan makes him eat enough to take some ibuprofen, insisting that he take some and drink two glasses of water.

“It’ll make you feel better,” he sing-songs, trying to be as convincing as possible.

Phil groans, but nods, swallowing another bite of pancake before scooping the tablets into his mouth and downing them with the water Dan handed him. Dan doesn’t move from his side until he’d drank the whole glass, and only after he’s refilled it and set it back down does he go back to his own breakfast.

After washing up the dishes and cleaning the kitchen a little, Dan goes to his room to get dressed, offering Phil some of his clothes so he’s not re-wearing the same thing he’d worn the night before. Phil comes out of the bathroom wearing a black sweatshirt and a pair of black jeans, looking slightly embarrassed. “Everything you own outside of work clothes is just pitch black, isn’t it?” He asks, shoving the long sleeves up his arms a bit.

Dan shrugs, gesturing in his closet with a smile as he grabs his phone. Phil peeks around and lets out a low, “oh,” before turning to look at Dan with a look of surprise on his face. “That’s like, a black hole, Dan.”

“My favorite kind of hole,” Dan grins at the way Phil rolls his eyes, clearly exasperated by Dan’s lame jokes. “Ready to go?” He asks, gesturing to the door.

Phil nods, sighing. “As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”

Dan gives him a sympathetic look before walking out of his flat, locking the door behind him before leading Phil to his car. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be right outside if you need me, you know.” He hesitates before figuring, fuck it, reaching out to take Phil’s hand in his. “I’ve been there, but trust me, it’s going to be fine. I’ll be right there with you,” he reassures him, watching the way that Phil smiles tentatively, nodding.

The drive to Phil’s flat is quiet, and Dan idly wonders if he’ll kick Charlie out. A distant memory, one of Phil mentioning that he’d moved in with Charlie after they officially got engaged about three years ago, floats into his mind, and he cringes. The flat is likely in Charlie’s name only, meaning Phil wouldn’t have anywhere else to go. Dan already knew he’d offer his own flat, but he was uncertain about whether Phil would accept or not.

When they pull up outside of the towering brown brick building, Dan turns the car off, turning to study Phil. Phil’s not looking at him, his gaze locked on the door to the building, a terrified look on his face. “Hey,” Dan says gently, reaching out to touch Phil’s arm gently. Phil’s fearful eyes flit to meet Dan’s, and he reaches up to grip Dan’s hand. “I’m right here, okay? Do you want me to go in with you?” he asks softly, not really wanting to but willing to do it if it would make him feel more at ease.

Luckily, Phil shakes his head. “No, I can do this on my own. I need to do this on my own. But… Can you like, wait outside the building? In case he does try to do something?” Phil sounds nervous just asking this, but Dan’s already nodding before he can finish.

“Yeah, of course.” He unbuckles his seatbelt immediately, slipping out of the car, Phil quickly following behind.

Phil stares at the door, a pained look on his face. “Okay. I’ll be right back. Hopefully this won’t take long,” he mutters before glancing at Dan.

Dan only nods, stepping to lean against the side of the building while he waits. “I’m right here if you need me,” he reminds him gently before Phil nods and disappears into the building. Dan sighs then, settling in to wait, his stomach twisting with nerves.

---

As it turns out, Phil is right. It doesn’t take as long as Dan thought it might, as he’d expected to be out there anywhere from half an hour to a full hour. So, although he was impatient and more than ready for Phil to come back, he’s surprised when Phil comes through the door, a duffle bag slung over one arm, a backpack slung over the other. Dan steps forward to ask how it went, but it’s not until then that he realizes that Phil isn’t alone.

“You,” Charlie hisses, his voice full of venom.

Phil spins around at this, glaring at Charlie. “Drop it, Char. Leave Dan out of this.”

Charlie completely dismisses this, stepping closer to Dan, who is quickly feeling claustrophobic and nervous. “So, I was right. This is all your fault. I fucking told Phil, I told him that I didn’t like you two hanging out. What did you say to him? Huh? What the fuck did you tell him?” He’s screaming into Dan’s face, and if Dan was a smarter human, he’d probably think before speaking.

“Get the fuck out of my face, for starters,” Dan says calmly, a weird kind of adrenaline thrumming through his veins. He’d been bullied as a child, but he’d also been a smartass. He knew the script for this scene, and he knew that Charlie wasn’t likely to actually do anything out here, on a busy street; or at least, he hoped that was the case.

“Excuse me?” Charlie growls, his voice threateningly low.

“Charlie, stop. Dan, come on,” Phil tries, standing just behind Charlie, pleading with Dan with his eyes.

“You’re excused. And, if you’ll excuse me, actually, I’m gonna get going. Nice chat.” He nods cordially to Charlie before gracefully sidestepping him, moving over to Phil.

“Fuck you, Howell!” He shouts, his face red and his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“No thanks,” Dan calls over his shoulder with a shrug, taking the duffle bag from Phil to put in the car.

“Fine. Whatever. You know what? You can have him. Fucking slut.” Charlie seethes, crossing his arms.

Dan pauses from where he’s setting the bag in the car, and he turns to face Charlie as he shuts the door. Phil catches his gaze, a questioning expression on his face. Dan only shakes his head slowly, his eyes meeting Charlie’s. Every fiber of his being is screaming for him to go over there and punch this idiot in the face, but Dan’s not an idiot. He’s well aware that Charlie could hurt him, and even then, he knows that Phil is strictly against violence, and he wouldn’t dare initiate a fight with his ex, especially not in this situation.

“I feel sorry for you,” Dan says simply, putting as much pity into his voice as he can. “You’re bitter, and hateful, and sad. And now you’re losing the best thing that’s ever happened to you.” Dan shrugs then, nodding for Phil to get in his car. Phil complies, and after seeing that he’s put his seatbelt on, Dan turns back to Charlie, who looks unsettled, underneath the set jaw and defiant stance. “But you know what? You fucking deserve it. Bye, asshole,” He mutters as he slides into the car, slamming the door behind himself.

Phil watches Dan as he slides his seatbelt on, starting the car at the same time. They’re silent as he pulls out of the parking space and onto the main road, neither of them sparing Charlie a second look. “You didn’t have to say that,” Phil says quietly.

Dan cringes, worried that he’d offended Phil, even though that hadn’t been his intention. “I’m sorry, I know-“

“No, I mean… You didn’t have to defend me… and you did.” Phil’s voice sounds inquisitive, and Dan spares him a glance as he takes a turn, heading back to his own flat.

“Of course I did,” he says gently. “I care about you, I’m always going to do that, Phil.”

Phil looks down at his lap, and Dan catches the smile that stretches across his face. “Thank you,” he whispers, still looking down.

Feeling bold, Dan reaches for his hand, intertwining their fingers and bringing Phil’s hand up to kiss his knuckles. “Anytime.”

---

“You can stay here as long as you need, Phil, I promise you’re not intruding. I live alone, remember?” Dan says later as they’re in the kitchen making dinner. They had spent the majority of the day after the whole Charlie situation just lounging in the living room, watching anime. Phil hadn’t brought the whole thing up until a few minutes ago, when he’d followed Dan into the kitchen, where he was making stir fry. He’d asked Dan if it would be okay for him to stay the night again, and Dan nearly laughed.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother,” Phil says uncertainly, rubbing his arm as he watches Dan move around the kitchen.

“Of course. I love having sleepovers, Phil. This’ll be fun for me, I promise.” Dan reassures him yet again.

Phil nods, still looking unsure, but slightly more willing to accept it. “Want any help?” He asks, gesturing to what Dan is doing.

Dan shrugs, but there’s really nothing for Phil to do. “Well, not right now, I’ve just gotta keep an eye on this until it’s done.” He smiles slightly, nodding to the lounge. “You wanna go watch some more anime while I do this? I’ve seen most of that season anyway,” he suggests, not to get rid of Phil, but just to give him something to do.

Dragging a hand through his hair, Phil looks kind of embarrassed as he speaks. “I kind of just… wanted to be with you,” he admits, his cheeks dusting with that adorable pink color that Dan just wants to kiss right off.

Dan grins when he processes his words but tries his hardest to appear nonchalant. “Yeah?” he asks, quirking an eyebrow. “Well, here I am,” he says jokingly.

The older man nods at this, biting his lip as if he’s debating on something. “Can I…” He trails off, his cheeks reddening as he looks at Dan.

Stirring the food in the pan, Dan glances over his shoulder, waiting patiently for Phil to continue. When it’s clear he isn’t going to, Dan frowns. “Phil, whatever it is, yes. It’s fine.” He shrugs, figuring that nothing Phil could be considering could be too bad. After all, Dan had been basically in love with Phil for years, the fact that he was now single made him even more certain that he was perfectly willing to comply with anything Phil suggested; within certain limits, considering he was still very much in the middle of making their dinner.

Phil studies him for a moment, and Dan only smiles reassuringly at him. This seems to prompt Phil into action, and he steps closer, positioning himself right behind Dan. Dan swallows hard at the warmth he feels against his back, but then he’s gasping quietly as Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, holding him against his chest tightly. Heart racing wildly, Dan tries so hard not to grin or do anything stupid like laugh hysterically; this is harder than it should be, as he’s been longing for this kind of intimacy with Phil for years.

“Is this alright?” Phil whispers into his ear, his chin propped on Dan’s shoulder.

Dan nods, clearing his throat. “Yeah, this is fine, Phil.” He brings his hand that isn’t stirring their food up to tangle in Phil’s hair, petting gently. Phil hums at this, and Dan smiles, feeling completely warm as they stand in his little kitchen like that, Phil clinging onto him like a lifeline. But Dan didn’t mind this; quite on the contrary, as it felt refreshing to feel as if he was needed by someone.

And so, they stand there like that until their food is done, and then they take it into the lounge to eat while they watch Netflix, Dan insisting that the dining table was strictly just for decoration in his house.

---

It’s not until nearly two hours later, dinner long gone, and plates deposited into the sink, that Phil finally acknowledges the day’s events.

“Dan,” Phil says softly from where he’s sat leaning against Dan’s side.

“Mhm?” Dan responds, his eyes straying from the episode of Stranger Things that they were on to look over at Phil.

Phil swallows hard, and Dan’s eyes shamelessly trace the way his Adam’s apple bobs. Dan always finds this insanely hot, so he quickly moves his eyes back up to Phil’s face, feeling guilty for even having that thought. “There’s a reason I couldn’t marry Charlie,” he admits softly.

Dan frowns at this, moving to sit back so that he has a better view of Phil’s face. “Other than the fact that he was an emotionally abusive dick who took every opportunity to treat you horribly?” Dan asks, trying his hardest to make it sound light and joking, when in reality his opinion of Charlie was even worse than that. But he definitely wasn’t about to tell Phil what he really thought of his stupid ex.

“No, believe it or not, there were other factors,” Phil tries to match his tone, but it too falls slightly far of humor, but Dan smiles anyway.

“Yeah, and what were some of these other factors?” He asks, bringing his hand up to brush a stray hair out of Phil’s eye.

Phil glances away briefly, taking a deep breath. “I’m in love with someone else.”

Dan’s heart plummets at those words, and he slowly withdraws his hand. His mind is suddenly flooded with various thoughts, most of which are just completely confused. He really thought, after Phil kissed him at the restaurant, and then tried to do the same again in the bathroom… He’d really thought that mean that he felt the same…

Phil seemingly realizes that Dan has gone into full panic mode, and he sits up. “Dan.” When he’s met his gaze again, Phil carefully sits onto his knees, throwing one over Dan’s legs so that he’s straddling his lap. Dan swallows, his heart pounding as his blood rushes south. “I’m in love with someone that isn’t Charlie.” He says this slowly, and Dan furrows his eyebrows, and he’s pretty positive that Phil is trying to make a point here.

“But…” He stutters, looking past Phil, trying to make sense of this. He’s not in love with Charlie… which Dan already knew… But he didn’t say…

“Dan,” Phil says softly, bringing his hands up to cradle Dan’s face. “It’s you. I couldn’t marry Charlie because I’m in love with you.”

The words leave his lips and enter the air between them, and Dan can only stare dumbly up at the man on his lap, his mouth dropping open as if he’s got an actual response. He feels as if his mind has had some sort of glitch, and he can only process the ladder half of Phil’s announcement. “I’m in love with you,” echoes around Dan’s head until he finally manages to get his brain back to communicating with his mouth.

He opens his mouth to say something, an affirmation that he felt the same perhaps, but what comes out of his mouth is not exactly what he thought. “Are you sure?” He asks, immediately blushing as the words tumble out.

Phil opens his mouth at this, and then pauses, tilting his head as he looks at Dan. Instead of annoyed, however, his face floods with a fond look, and he smiles. “Positive.”

Dan sees it coming this time, naturally, because Phil’s hands are still holding his face, so of course Dan fully realizes what his intentions are when he leans in. Unlike last night, however, Dan has no intentions of stopping him.

Their lips brush tentatively at first, and Dan brings his hands up to settle gently on Phil’s hips. At the contact, Phil seems to gain a little more confidence, and he tilts his head, deepening the kiss. Dan almost groans at this, swiping his tongue across Phil’s bottom lip in question. Phil barely hesitates before opening his mouth, allowing Dan to explore inside. They sit like this for several moments, until Phil shifts, and Dan gasps at the friction that his movement causes.

“Wait,” Dan gasps, pulling away slightly. “Are we- do you want to...?” He trails off a little, but at his words, Phil only groans, grinding down hard into Dan’s lap, causing his half-hard cock to swell in arousal. “Fuck, okay. Bedroom.”

Phil only nods before sitting up, tugging on Dan’s hands to pull him from the sofa and down the hall. Dan’s in a daze at this point, his arousal taking away the majority of his common sense as he struggles to grasp the reality that this is happening. He’s about to have sex with Phil, who he’s been pining after for close to six years. He groans when Phil sits on the edge of the bed, pulling Dan closer by his waist.

“This okay?” Phil asks against his lips as he drags his hands down to the zipper of Dan’s jeans.

“Yes,” Dan gasps, pressing his lips to Phil’s with fervor as the older man works on getting his jeans undone. Meanwhile, Dan is thinking Phil’s got entirely too many clothes on, and he begins tugging at his shirt incessantly. “Off,” he whispers, pulling away just enough to tug the thin material off his head, tossing it somewhere behind him carelessly. Sure, Phil looked good in his clothes, but Dan imagined he looked even better without them.

Dan takes a moment to just look then, and as his hands trail along Phil’s chest, it occurs to him that Phil only just broke up with his fiancé a few hours earlier. Despite the fact that Phil had initiated this, doubts suddenly creep in, and Dan slowly pulls away.

“What? Are you okay?” Phil asks, pausing his movements of tugging Dan’s jeans down his legs to look up at him in confusion.

Dan nods uncertainly. “Yeah, it’s just... you just broke up with Charlie, Phil. Are you sure you’re ready?” He doesn’t mean to ruin the moment, really, but he can’t help that nagging feeling that he needs to ask, just to be absolutely sure.

Phil smiles fondly then, bringing his hands up to cradle Dan’s face like he had done before. “Yes, Dan. I’ve wanted this for so long. Please, please let me have it.” His words are almost begging, and even a stronger man couldn’t resist that. Dan only nods, his throat too tight to say anything. “Besides,” Phil adds, almost conversationally. “Charlie and I haven’t slept together in almost six months.” His voice has an embarrassed tone to it, but Dan sees the frown on his face.

“Hey,” He says gently, reaching down to brace himself on Phil’s shoulders as Phil tugs the jeans off his feet, one foot at a time. When Phil meets his gaze, Dan smiles reassuringly. “I’m not Charlie, okay? So, whatever you did with him, whatever sex or anything was like with him, just forget that for now.”

Phil nods at this, albeit a little uncertainly. Dan decides that’s the best he’s going to get and tugs his own shirt off before gently pushing Phil’s shoulders back, motioning for him to move further up on the bed, so that his head is resting on the pillows and the rest of him is spread out. Dan gives himself a moment to just look and appreciate the tapered waist and his broad shoulders, and the soft trail of hair that leads to the top of his underwear. Dan licks his lips then, his dick swelling in his pants at the thought of what’s to come.

“Are you going to keep looking at me or are you going to touch me?” Phil finally whines softly.

Dan smirks at this, but brings his hands up to his zipper, undoing it smoothly before tugging the offending fabric down his legs. It takes a moment of struggle and giggles to pull the jeans completely off, but Dan smiles when they’re on the floor and out of sight. “So beautiful,” Dan murmurs, trailing his hands up Phil’s thighs, tucking one up the leg of his borrowed boxers, tracing the soft skin there with his index finger.

Phil shifts on the bed, clearly growing impatient. Dan watches his face, waiting for him to demand to be touched. When no such demand comes, Dan frowns. He was generally a bottom, and while he didn’t mind topping, he’d certainly not imagined their first time going any other way. He figures maybe this is just something Phil needs a little direction on, maybe he’s not used to taking the lead on these sorts of things.

Despite the idea that this might ruin the mood, Dan figures it’s in their best interest to just ask which way Phil would prefer to do it. “Er- do you want to bottom or top?” He asks, suddenly nervous of the answer. Of course he wanted to do both with him, but he could see the outline of Phil in his boxers and knew that he himself was slightly smaller. He didn’t think Phil to be a size queen, but he also didn’t want to disappoint on their first time. With being a bottom, Dan knew he couldn’t really fail; one of his many personal prides was the fact that he took cock so well, after all.

Phil looks positively puzzled by the question. “Oh, um, I just assumed I’d bottom.” Seeing Dan’s expression probably, Phil continues. “That’s what I always did with Charlie. He didn’t like to bottom.” He bites his lip after he says this, looking up at Dan in what is very clearly uncertainty.

Dan sits back on his heels, his hands leaving Phil’s thighs in favor of resting on his knees gently. “Okay, is that what you want to do now?” Dan asks, sensing a little reluctance on Phil’s part.

This seems to give Phil pause. “I... I’ve never really been given the choice,” he says softly. Dan’s eyes widen slightly, and he tries not to let Phil see his surprise.

“Would you like to top?” Dan asks sweetly, stroking Phil’s knee and the smooth skin just above it gently.

“I... I don’t know, with Charlie I always-“

Dan cuts him off then, tired of how many times the name Charlie had already made it into their conversation. “Nope, no more Charlie. I’m not asking what you did with him, Phil. I’m asking what you want to do with me, right now.” As if to get his point further across, Dan brings his hand up to Phil’s cloth-covered bulge and squeezes gently. Phil groans at the contact before leaning forward and grabbing at Dan’s arms. “What do you want, Phil?” Dan whispers, trying his hardest to give it a seductive quality.

“You, god- wanna be inside you.” He gasps out as Dan continues to squeeze and massage his cock.

Dan smiles down at him, squeezing him gently once more before crawling towards his nightstand. Phil is panting beside him, and Dan fumbles with the lube when Phil brings a hand up, slipping a finger under the band of Dan’s underwear teasingly. Phil smiles innocently when Dan turns around to shoot him a look, and Dan only rolls his eyes as he finally gets hold of the bottle of lube he keeps in his drawer. It was half-used already, although Dan hadn’t slept with anyone in well over a year. He just enjoyed fingering himself, and when you’re twenty-seven and you live alone...

“Do you want to stretch me or do you want me to do it myself?” Dan asks Phil, holding the bottle out to him in offering. Phil sits up at the sight of it, taking it tentatively.

“Can I do it? I’ve never done it to another person,” he requests quietly, glancing down as his cheeks flush.

Dan only nods frantically. He loved to be fingered, and it was even better if it was someone else, so heat was already pooling in his stomach in anticipation. He sits up on his knees then, and with a confidence he doesn’t entirely feel, he pushes his boxers down to his thighs, freeing his cock from the confines of the material. He blushes when Phil’s hand comes to rest on his thigh, his long, pale fingers trailing up gently.

“Dan,” Phil chokes out, his eyes trailing over every inch of his skin, while his fingers continue to trace up and down his thigh.

Dan only smiles, shifting to pull of his boxers entirely. He sits up and gently pushes Phil to lean back on his hands, slowly dragging his hands down his pale chest. He allows himself a moment to marvel at the hair that trails down underneath the band of the older’s boxers, petting softly. Phil shifts, and Dan smirks when he meets his gaze and sees Phil biting his lip harshly. Feeling slightly guilty for teasing for so long, Dan leans forward and kisses Phil’s chest softly before tucking his fingers into the band of his underwear, slowly dragging the material down.

As he drags the last piece of cloth down Phil’s legs, Dan can’t help the soft noise that leaves his lips as his eyes zero in on his cock. “Oh my god,” he mutters lowly, swallowing hard. He’s long and thick and Dan’s fairly certain Charlie is a fucking idiot disaster gay if he didn’t want to bottom for him.

Phil smiles shyly at him, moving his legs to push his underwear off the rest of the way with his feet. Dan shoves the material off the bed before crawling between Phil’s legs, pulling him in to press a kiss to his lips. “Are you sure about this?” Phil asks, pulling away a little, just enough to brush Dan’s curls back.

Nodding, Dan trails his hand down, wrapping his hand around Phil’s swelling arousal. Phil sucks in a sharp breath at this, and Dan only smirks to himself as he starts moving his hand slowly. “Can I suck you first?” Dan asks quietly, locking his gaze with Phil’s.

The older man nods, his eyes just barely open. “Please,” He whispers. Dan smiles as he pushes gently against Phil’s shoulders, guiding him to lay back on the pillows.

Dan starts out slow and teasing, pressing kisses to Phil’s neck first, gently sucking on the skin above his collarbones. Phil sighs contently as Dan slowly makes his way down his chest, grazing his teeth over one of Phil’s nipples, staring up into his eyes to gauge his reaction.

“Dan,” Phil gasps, his hand coming to rest in Dan’s hair. “Do... oh. Do that again.”

Ever the people pleaser, Dan complies easily, placing his lips over the nub of flesh and sucking gently. Phil arches up, and Dan smirks against his skin. He pays careful attention to each of them before he continues on his way, heat building in his stomach as he gets closer to his destination. If there was one thing Dan enjoyed, it was having a dick in his mouth, and the fact that this was Phil just made it so much better.

Teasing, Dan presses a kiss to the head, pressing his hands against Phil’s hips to keep him still, as the contact had made him buck up. “Stay still,” Dan murmurs before wrapping his lips around Phil’s cock, swirling his tongue around the tip slowly.

“Dan,” Phil sighs above him, throwing his head back on the pillows.

The younger man just grins before sinking down suddenly. It’s a good thing he had the foresight to hold Phil’s hips, because he has next to no control, squirming around under Dan’s touch. “Good?” Dan asks smugly. He knew it was, he was good at this.

“Yes. God, yes.” Phil raises his head up off the pillow to meet Dan’s eyes as he sinks back down on Phil’s length, and his gaze darkens. “God, Dan. You look so fucking good.”

Dan only bats his eyelashes at this, currently unable to speak. He sets to work, stroking the base with one hand as his mouth works the top, but after a couple minutes, Phil is tugging at his hair, pulling him off. “Are you okay?” Dan asks as he pulls away, a string of spit and precome trailing from his mouth to Phil’s leaking cock.

“Yeah, just- I wanna finger you now.” His cheeks somehow flush from saying this, and Dan’s eyes nearly roll back. Somehow even while they’re in the middle of something so intimate, Phil makes Dan’s heart flutter, his heart filled with affection for his best friend.

“Yes, fuck, yes.” He lays down, switching positions with Phil so that he’s now kneeling between Dan’s legs. Dan hands him the lube before spreading his legs, his hands gripping onto his thighs to hold himself still. He’s basically vibrating with excitement at this, and he’s surprisingly unbothered by how open and on-display he currently is.

Phil stares at him for a long moment before lifting his hands to Dan’s legs, slowly working his way up. When he reaches Dan’s inner thighs the younger man inhales sharply, shaking with excitement. “Please,” he whimpers as Phil strokes one finger along his rim, applying no pressure as he does it.

“What do you want?” Phil asks, and Dan groans. He loved this, Phil gaining the confidence to ask him things and to take the lead. It was sexy as hell.

“Your fingers. Please.” Dan pushes himself down, chasing the friction of Phil’s finger.

Phil only smiles, a fond look on his face as he reaches for the small bottle next to Dan. After pouring a liberal amount into his hand and warming it up, Phil shifts, grabbing one of Dan’s legs for leverage as he drops his hand down. “Ready?” He asks, his blue eyes searching Dan’s face for any sign of discontent.

He wouldn’t find any, because Dan is nodding frantically. He starts to say something, but then Phil is pushing a finger in and he’s gasping. “Oh,” he mumbles, his eyelids fluttering close.

“Hey,” Phil whispers, slowly drawing his finger out before pressing back in. “Look at me.”

Dan complies easily, opening his eyes and bringing his gaze to meet Phil’s. He swallows hard at the soft look there, his heart racing.

Phil only smiles at him, the hand on his leg stroking the skin softly. “I want to see your eyes,” he says softly, his gaze unwavering.

Swallowing hard, Dan struggles to make a joke. He feels so open and vulnerable with this unwavering eye contact, but he also feels incredibly hot, like he’s on fire. “Is that a kink of yours?” Dan jokes quietly.

Phil smiles, but shakes his head slowly. “Not exactly...” He slowly presses his middle finger in beside his index finger, and Dan sighs at the burn, pleasure coursing through him. “Charlie didn’t like to meet my eyes when we... but I like it.” He says timidly, dropping his eyes to where his fingers are working, a light pink dusting his cheek.

Dan frowns at this, bringing a hand up to cup Phil’s cheek, tilting his head to meet his gaze. “Okay. So look at me.”

Phil smiles at this, keeping his eyes locked with Dan’s as he spreads his fingers apart inside the younger man, stretching him open. Dan lets out a soft sigh at the feeling but doesn’t drop his gaze. If this was something Phil had been denied, he was more than willing to give it to him now.

“You can add another,” Dan eventually murmurs. Phil quirks an eyebrow, but complies easily enough, the third finger pressing in beside the others, causing Dan’s breath to hitch.

Their eyes stay locked as Phil tilts his head to the side, kissing Dan’s wrist, as his hand is still lightly resting against Phil’s jaw. Dan’s heart swells suddenly, and he feels choked up at the light kisses Phil presses to the fragile skin of his wrist. “Phil,” he breathes, unsure what he even wants, just knowing that he wants him.

“Ready?” Phil asks softly against the skin, changing the angle of his hand slightly. Dan knows that he’s searching for his prostate, and he shifts his hips, gasping when the tips of Phil’s fingers brush against that little bundle of nerves. Phil smiles, pressing against it more firmly, causing Dan to let out an embarrassing whine.

“Please, please. I’m ready.” He nearly whines again at the loss of Phil’s fingers, but he knows that it’s only going to get better.

“Do you have a condom?” Phil asks, pointing to Dan’s nightstand.

Dan bites his lip in contemplation. He did, but he really didn’t want to use one. He knew he was clean, he got tested after every time he slept with someone, and it had been about three months since the last time he’d done that. “I’m clean,” he breathes out, watching Phil’s face carefully to gauge his reaction.

Phil nods slowly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. He pushes his hair back up into the quiff, looking down at Dan. “I am too. Are you positive about this?” He asks, searching for confirmation one more time.

Nodding, Dan sits up and brings his hand to wrap around the back of Phil’s neck, his fingers stretching up into the hair on the nape of his neck. “Yes, I’m a hundred percent sure.” He pulls Phil closer to press their lips together, sighing as Phil’s tongue swipes against his bottom lip.

“Lay down,” Phil murmurs a moment later, pulling away from the kiss. Dan quickly complies, laying back against the pillows and drawing his legs up, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he waits for Phil to get settled. Phil takes another dollop of lube and applies it generously over his bare cock, and Dan’s breath hitches as he watches him stroke himself. “Ready?”

Dan nods, reaching up to push Phil’s hair back as he shifts, his hard length pressing against Dan’s entrance, a whisper of what’s to come. They lock eyes as Phil slowly, slowly sinks in, inch by inch. Dan can’t help it; his eyes clench shut as he drops his head back as he feels himself being stretched around the thick length and he groans loudly. “Fuck, Phil.”

A chuckle is heard above him, and then Phil’s hand is pushing underneath the back of his head, lifting gently so that Dan has little choice but to look at him. “You’re so pretty, Dan,” he murmurs, his voice soft and affectionate.

Dan feels as if he could come right then, just from the affection in his voice. It’s so real and right and fuck, he’s bottomed out and Dan is panting, struggling to fully relax himself around the intrusion. It’d been several months since his last hookup, and this was more than he’d been stretched in a long while. Phil was probably the biggest he’d ever had, so even with the stretching, he was struggling to cope with his size.

“You okay?” Phil pants, arms shaking as he tries his hardest not to move inside Dan, giving him time to adjust.

Dan takes a few deep breaths, waiting for the burn to subside considerably before nodding. “Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” He experimentally clenches around Phil, gasping sharply as this causes Phil to buck his hips.

“Sorry, sorry.” He’s quick to apologize, moving his hand to stroke Dan’s cheek. His other hand slides off Dan’s leg and moves to prop himself up by Dan’s head, and Phil shifts slightly so he’s leaning in closer. “Are you okay?” He says, his tone full of worry.

Dan hadn’t realized it, but tears were slipping out of his eyes, rolling down the side of his face and crashing to the pillow. He nods, smiling as he reaches up, catching Phil’s hand in his. “Yes, I’m just... I’m a bit overwhelmed, just give me a minute.”

Phil’s face softens at this, and he leans down, pressing a kiss to the corner of Dan’s eye, his tongue darting out to swipe at the tears there. “Don’t cry, please don’t cry.” He says softly, repeating the gesture on the other eye. “Do you want to stop?”

“No!” Dan almost shouts, firmly against the idea. He blushes when Phil’s lips pull up into a smirk but shakes his head. “No, I just need a second. You’re a little bigger than I’m used to, it’s just going to take a second.”

Nodding, Phil ducks down to press his lips to Dan’s, softly sucking Dan’s bottom lip into his mouth. Dan lets out a soft sound, closing his eyes as he loses himself in the feeling of Phil’s lips on his while he’s buried inside him. Shifting his hips a little, Dan decides he’s ready.

“Okay, you can move,” he breathes, clutching Phil’s shoulders as the older man pulls out slowly, before pushing back in again. “Ngh-“ Dan grunts, his head falling back.

Phil doesn’t give him much time to feel guilty about the loss of eye contact before he’s pounding into him, a little faster than Dan would prefer in the moment. He certainly wasn’t against quick and rough, but for their first time he definitely wanted to go a little slower. Hoping that Phil wouldn’t be offended, Dan drags his hands down, gripping Phil’s hips tightly, slowing his movements. “Phil, Phil. Wait.”

“Is something wrong? Oh, god, did I hurt you?” His voice is full of worry when he halts his movements, and he brings a hand up to Dan’s head, brushing his curls back.

Dan laughs breathlessly at this, shaking his head fondly. “No, not at all. Just slow down.”

“Oh.” Phil’s face flushes even darker red, his eyes dropping to Dan’s chest. “I thought it was better-“ he starts, sounding suddenly uncertain.

Dan shakes his head, dragging his hand up to swipe his thumb across Phil’s bottom lip. He’s shocked and flustered when Phil opens his mouth and wraps his lips around the tip of his thumb, but he tries not to blush too obviously. “I’m not Charlie, remember? We don’t have to go fast for it to be good.”

Phil releases his thumb and nods, uncertain. “But...”

“Phil. The goal isn’t to have a fast orgasm, it’s to have a good one.” His hand moves to caress Phil’s jaw, and he smiles when Phil’s cheeks flush, probably at his bluntness. “There’s going to be other times to go fast, alright? Just slow down for right now.” He instructs gently. He giggles when Phil ducks his head, looking embarrassed. “Are you embarrassed right now?” He asks, unable to help himself.

“Yes!” Phil whines, covering his face. “You’re sitting here talking about sex and orgasms!” He sounds positively affronted, and Dan only laughs harder.

“Phil, your cock is literally in my ass. I’m not sure how talking about it is all that weird.” He snickers, enjoying this far more than he should.

“Dan!” Phil shrieks, ducking down to hide his face in Dan’s chest.

Grinning, Dan runs a hand through his soft black hair, debating with himself. “Sorry,” he mumbles, craning his neck to kiss his hair. “Here, why don’t we try something a little different?”

At this, Phil perks up, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. “What?” He asks slowly. Dan rolls his eyes at his apparent lack of trust, but he wonders if maybe Charlie suggested they try things that he wasn’t in to, or perhaps never suggested anything at all. Dan shudders to think that; he was a firm believer in trying new things and developing many different sexual habits with a partner. But he wasn’t going that far tonight.

“Roll over,” Dan instructs, lifting himself off Phil’s dick so he can follow his orders.

Phil does as requested and Dan wastes no time in climbing over him, swinging his legs over Phil’s waist. The expression on Phil’s face is one of surprise, but his eyes darken as Dan reaches back to position him at his entrance. They lock gazes just as Dan sinks down, a broken sound leaving Phil’s lips as he bottoms out. Dan sighs in content, the pleasure of being so full almost overwhelming him.

“Fuck, Phil. Feel so good like this,” Dan mutters out, slowly lifting himself before dropping back down, causing Phil to hiss out. “Is this okay? I figure- god, Phil....” he pants as Phil shifts his hips up to thrust into him. “I figured this way you’re still technically topping, but I can set a slower pace. Is this-“ his voice breaks off then as he shifts his hips, sending the head of Phil’s cock directly against his prostate.

“This is perfect,” Phil gasps, his hands trailing along Dan’s thighs, and up to hold his hips. “You feel so good, Dan.” Phil grabs Dan’s hair and gently guides him down to press their lips together, putting a bit of a pause to their movements. Dan moves his hips around in a circular motion, and Phil breaks away, gasping into his mouth. “Fuck, that’s- that’s good.”

Dan smiles and presses his lips to Phil’s jaw, trailing down his neck. “See? Told you slow was good.”

“Shut up,” Phil mumbles, catching Dan’s lips again. He keeps moving in slow circles as they kiss, but eventually he pulls away.

He presses his hands to Phil’s chest for leverage as he begins bouncing slowly on his cock, biting his lip hard to keep an embarrassing moan from slipping out. Phil pants beneath him, running his hands over Dan’s thighs, the blue of his eyes taken over by his blown pupils. “Good?” Dan gasps out in question.

“Yes, god. So good. Fuck.”

Dan smirks, leaning back slightly to change the angle just a bit. “Never heard you- fuck, right there,” he interrupts himself to whine, unintentionally closing his eyes as his every movement sends Phil pressing directly against his prostate. “Never heard you say that word much before,” he mumbles out.

“Yeah?” Phil says, his voice sounding choked. “Well, you just feel so fucking good.” If Phil thinks that him swearing turns Dan on, well, he’s right. Dan shakes, so turned on he feels like he can’t even breathe. “Dan, can we… can we flip over? Wanna…”

Dan nods, his thighs shaking too badly to really keep a steady pace. “Yeah, yeah.”

A position change and a deep kiss later, and they’re right back to it, but this time Phil is sliding in slow, the drag of his length inside Dan making the younger man whimper in pleasure. It’s slow and deep and good and Dan’s basically choking back tears at how good he feels. Maybe it’s partially due to how long he’s been celibate, but he feels that the main reason it feels so great is because it’s Phil and he’s wanted this for so long.

“Baby, don’t cry, please don’t cry,” Phil’s murmuring above him, pressing his lips to Dan’s eyes like before. Dan hadn’t even realized he was, he’s just so sappy he can’t even help it.

“You’re so good, Phil, fuck. Wanted-“ he chokes as Phil thrusts in particularly hard, a moan escaping his throat. “Wanted this for so long.”

“Me too. Fuck, Dan. I… Can I tell you something?”

Dan tries to nod, but his head is just rolling around uselessly with the movement of their bodies rocking together, so he groans out, “Yeah, anything.”

Phil doesn’t say anything for a moment, leaning down and pressing his lips to Dan’s, working against them slowly and gently. The intimacy of what they’re doing floors Dan, and he’s got a very dangerous thought in his head, and he’s relieved that his lips are otherwise occupied at the moment. Phil thrusts into him a few more times, and Dan’s breath hitches as he feels that coil of heat and arousal tightening in his stomach, ready to release.

“Phil, close,” he gasps against his lips, in hopes that maybe Phil would work towards his own orgasm. So what if Dan was a hopeless romantic and thought it was sweet to finish together? That’s his business.

“Dan,” Phil chokes out. “I love you. I’m in love with you, Dan,” he sobs, dropping his forehead to Dan’s shoulder.

Dan’s hips stutter against Phil’s before quickly pushing back against him, his hand winding into Phil’s hair to pull him up to bring their gazes together. “I love you too,” he whimpers as he feels that white-hot pleasure coursing through him. He tries his hardest to keep eye contact as his orgasm washes over him, but he’s helpless against the sensations, and he keens as his eyes screw shut, his dick twitching between them as he comes all over his chest.

He knows he’s squeezing around Phil, who’s still rocking into him, a little faster now, as he chases his own release. Dan purposefully clenches around him in an attempt to help him along. “Fuck, oh fuck. Oh god, Dan.” His voice breaks and then Dan feels Phil’s release filling him up, his movements not stopping as he fucks himself through it.

They’re both panting hard when they’ve finished, and Dan idly notices how sweaty they’ve gotten. The air smells like sex, but Dan’s too exhausted and satisfied to care. Phil’s careful, even after his release, and he slowly pulls out of Dan before collapsing onto the bed next to him. Apparently uncaring that Dan’s covered in sweat and come, Phil wraps an arm around his waist and draws him close so they’re laying chest to chest, petting his hair.

After a few minutes, they’ve caught their breath and there’s a silence settled in the room. Dan’s mind is exhausted, but Phil’s words are bouncing around in his head. I love you. Deciding that there’s only one way to know for sure, he tilts his head back to look at Phil’s face. “Hi,” he whispers with a smile when he sees that Phil is already looking at him.

“Hi,” Phil repeats, a fond smile on his face.

Dan shifts slightly, so that he’s lying on the pillow, eye to eye with Phil. “Did you mean it?” He inquires softly, glancing down at his hand as he traces patterns on Phil’s chest. “Or did you just say it in the moment, since we were both… you know.” He blushes despite himself at this, mainly due to the context.

Phil studies him for a second, likely trying to gauge his reaction before nodding slowly. “Yeah, I did.” He pauses, timidly bringing a hand up to Dan’s face, brushing his curls back gently. “Did you?”

Dan nods, smiling as he ducks forward, pressing his lips to Phil’s. “I’ve been in love with you for about… I dunno, when did you start working with me?” He says, almost joking, but not quite. He really only crushed on Phil at first, because he was cute and sweet, but then he got to know him, and well… he fell fast, that’s for sure.

Grinning, Phil presses his lips to the corner of Dan’s mouth. “Funny.” He sighs then, a thoughtful look on his face. “I don’t think I realized how much I liked you at first, but then, a couple years ago-“

Dan interrupts him then, surprised. “Wait, a couple years ago?” He demands, shocked. “I thought this was a new development for you! Like, I thought this was something you had only just figured out within the last couple of weeks!”

Phil shoots him a perplexed look, then shakes his head. “No, of course not.” He smirks then, quirking an eyebrow. “Do you think I would have just told you I’m in love with you if this was something I had just figured out?” He asks rhetorically.

Shrugging, Dan watches his own hand as he trails his fingers up Phil’s chest, dragging them through the light smattering of chest hair there. “I dunno,” he mumbles. “I guess I just figured if you knew you would have said something sooner.”

A hand comes to grip his chin, and Phil tilts his head so that he can meet his eyes. A serious look is on his face, and Dan gulps. “No, Dan. I’ve known for a couple years that I liked you more than a friend, but it wasn’t until the last year or so that I realized that I was in love with you.”

Dan shakes his head slowly, finding this a little strange to believe. “But, you were going to marry Charlie,” he says, confused.

Phil sighs, but shakes his head. He holds up his left hand, and it takes Dan a minute to realize that it’s devoid of the band that had been there for so long. His gaze shifts from Phil’s eyes, to the space where the ring used to be, and then back again, struggling to grasp what this means. Phil smiles sadly, dropping his hand back to Dan’s curls. “I gave him the ring back eight months ago. I told him I wasn’t ready, and he just made me promise that I would marry him eventually, even if we broke off the engagement.” He takes a deep breath then, staring at Dan’s curls as he flattens them and watches them bounce back up. “That’s why we were fighting last week. I told my parents that I wasn’t going to marry him, and my mum called his.”

Dan’s mouth opens, but nothing comes out in his surprise. They sit in silence for a moment before he finally manages to speak. “Oh,” is all he says.

Phil’s quiet as he nods. “Yeah,” he whispers.

They sit like that, in the quiet, for a long time, before Dan finally speaks. “I love you,” he says timidly, unsure if Phil will return the sentiment now that they aren’t currently in the middle of an orgasm.

Phil smiles at this and presses his lips to Dan’s forehead. “I love you too.”

A silence settles over them until Dan remembers something. “Do you want to move in with me? I mean- fuck, that probably didn’t sound right. I meant like, since you can’t go back to Charlie’s. Or like, until you find somewhere else, if you want. Which, I don’t mind if you don’t, you can stay here with me-“ Dan rambles, suddenly unsure if he’s crossed a line. He doesn’t want to seem like a clingy girlfriend after they only slept together once. Sure, they’d also admitted that they love each other, but still; he tended to overthink these things.

Cutting him off effectively, Phil presses his lips to Dan’s firmly. “I’d love that,” he whispers against his lips before swiping his tongue over Dan’s lower lip.

Dan smiles and returns the kiss with tired enthusiasm, his body feeling weak with fatigue. “Can we sleep now?” He asks, pulling away a little.

Phil crinkles his nose before glancing down. “Maybe we should clean up first?” He must catch the grimace on Dan’s face, and he rolls his eyes. “I’ll run you a warm bubble bath and we can cuddle in it,” he bribes, raising an eyebrow.

Dan pretends to consider this, but of course he’s going to accept, he’s not an idiot. He sends up a silent thanks to whatever god there is that his bathroom has a bathtub big enough to fit the both of them, but maybe he should just thank the designers of this flat. “I guess I can cuddle with you in the bath,” Dan sighs, as if it’s the biggest inconvenience ever.

Laughter bubbles from the older man, who is already getting up and tugging Dan along with him. “Thank you so much for you sacrifice,” he retorts, fond sarcasm coloring his tone.

And sure, maybe some things had changed. Charlie was out of the picture, and Dan and Phil were more than friends now. They both knew where the other stood, and someone it seemed that they were standing in the same place, which Dan figured was a good thing. But at the end of the day, Phil was just the dorky receptionist Dan had fallen in love with all those years ago, and Dan was still just a cocky paper salesman with an affinity for good pranks and cute blue-eyed boys who shared candy with him. So, all in all, not much had changed really.

#phan #phanfiction #phan!theoffice #this is based on phanart that I did not make #fluff #angst #smut #poorly written smut #bed sharing #friends to lovers #best friends #au #drunken kisses #bath cuddling #idk this was a lot more than i expected to write im sorry

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bye-hadfun · 6 years

Text

under the neon lights

Chapter One: December 1st, 2012

Trigger Warnings: slight homophobia

Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: despite everything, they’re still together, and that’s what matters to Dan.

Or, alternatively, two times dnp visit nyc to see the ball drop

Written for the @phandomreversebang , inspired by @catzoomies beautiful art, and beta’d by the lovely and supportive @ty-ly-bby / @literally-just-fandoms

i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it.

Ao3 link

‘Fuck off.’

‘Excuse me? I’ve been nothing but patient Dan. What more do you want from me-’

‘I said fuck off.’ Dan slammed his door with a sort of finalty, a short breath escaping from his throat. He doesn’t mean to hurt Phil, ever, but these days the sky seems a bit duller than usual, and words are too much for Dan. He’ll apologize later and Phil will accept, and they will eat dinner and pretend that nothing’s wrong with Dan, with their relationship, with their life. That’s just how they work.

He can hear Phil in the lounge, talking on his phone, voice distant yet still decipherable. He know he shouldn’t, yet Dan still puts his ear to the wall, desperate to hear even a sliver of Phil’s normal voice. It’s been ages since they’ve had a calm conversation. Not that they ever talk much at all these days.

‘I just don't know what to do. Everything is so messy, you know? Sometimes I regret even moving in with him.’

There was silence on the other end and Dan assumed it was just Kath speaking. Hopefully.

‘I do love him, but love can only do so much. If this keeps up- what am I even going to do? Break up with him?”

Dan let out an involuntary gasp at that one. Even at the worst points in their relationship, he never assumed either of them would consider breaking up. It was Phil and Dan, Dan and Phil, the inseparable duo. Whatever he said in the videos, it was just a defense mechanism, and Phil knew that, right?

“I know, mum, but what would you do? I doubt you and Dad had these problems- and even if you did, this is the internet. You’ve never known anything like this, Mum. It’s terrifying.” Phil stifled a sob. “They’re everywhere, prying and spreading hate. We just want to live, and they won’t let us. Why does everything have to be about our relationship? Even if they found out, what would they do with the information? Can’t they just enjoy our content and shut up?”

Phil has his own way with words. Whilst Dan had emotional blow ups, Phil had, what could best be described as his word clusterfuck breakdown moments. He spoke less, compared to Dan, but that boy could talk his way out of a murder if he so wished. That, combined with his Eenglish degree, Dan sometimes thoughtthink that he would’ve been a better lawyer than Dan if he wasn’t so damn empathetic.

But that empathy is basically the only thing holding their relationship together at the moment, so he should be thankful.

Should he?

Sometimes, late at night under the covers, when they had had an argument and tears were threatening to spill, Dan wished that he never met Phil. Sure, he’d be miserable at law school and forced to be a lawyer for the rest of his life, but he wouldn’t harbour this immense sense of loss and heartbreak.

He never meant to hurt Phil- god,he hated seeing Phil sad. He would do anything just to put a smile on that boy’s face, and whatever Phil wanted, Dan would provide. Once upon a time, before the dreaded video leak, he was sure that Phil would too. Now? He’s not so sure.

Dan is slowly retreating back into his mind now, bringing back bad memories of The Day, and losing focus of the phone call in the living room. Hazily, he thinks it might be his brain’s shitty way of trying to protect him from what he might overhear, but it was too late. The memories were already returning, flooding his senses and drowning out the world. It was just him, his brain, and- Phil. Being tagged in every one of Dan’s mentions, their twitters, social media, and messages blowing up, and Phil crying on their kitchen floor, because of course the video leaked whilst they were making breakfast. Their most peaceful and normal routine, broken by the irregular and madness of the internet. Every tweet was about the same, and that ought to balance out the stress, but it didn’t. They kept pouring in, tens and thousands of the same message with different varieties, and every one of them just added fuel to Phil’s tears.

They had dealt with this once before. They could do it again.

Dan remembered it clear as day: Him, calmly picking up Phil’s phone and going onto YouTube to private the video again, tweeting out their response ‘It was just a joke we made!’, answering the texts from their family and friends, soothing those who knew and deflecting those who didn’t. Turning and hugging Phil from time to time when his sobs grew louder, when he saw in the corner of his eyes that he was shrinking into himself. He smoothed down his hair and comforted him, reassuring him that it was all ok. Gentle whispers of ‘I love you, it’s going to be ok’ murmured against skin.

Phil, after four hours and one cup of hot chocolate, ceased crying and started to help Dan fix things. He remembered Phil smiling sadly and saying, “Isn’t it sad, Bear, that all this is just a PR nightmare for someone else? Yet it’s hell for us.”

Dan whipped his head over to look at Phil, to try to comfort him somehow, but Phil only shaked his head slightly and started to reply to some of Marianne’s emails. It was for the best. Dan wasn’t even sure what he could say- ‘It’s not like that?’ ‘Don’t you dare talk about our relationship like that?’ Every word he said would just make the situation worse.

So he kept his mouth shut, and they plundered through their phones for the rest of the day, until the emails ceased, their text messages was cleared, and Twitter calmed down. (Or at least some of them had enough sense to stop tagging them). They went to Phil’s room, closed all the blinds, and burrowed under the bedsheets, whispering their sorrows and apologies.

Dan had finally let himself cry, and Phil had held him, his own tears dropping on Dan’s hair, and for the first time, Dan had doubted their relationship. Whether it was a good idea, two teenagers meeting on the Internet and working on a job online, where everything is exposed to the public?

But then Phil kissed him on the forehead and snuggled in closer to Dan’s neck, and Dan is grateful. No matter what happens, YouTube brought them together, and he’ll forever be grateful for that. Even if shit like this happens.

As he drifted off to sleep, he was vaguely aware of Phil’s tears on his neck, faint sniffling coming from his side. Frowning, he reached out for Phil’s face, wanting to wipe the tears tracks off his face, but Phil just gently pushed him away with a wet chuckle, and so he let sleep drag him into consciousness.

He still doesn’t know why Phil cried. He just know that, the next day when he woke up, Phil was back to his normal self again, all traces of sadness gone, a sharp glint of anger to his eyes. That was the same day they sent a harshly-worded letter to YouTube, informing them of their slip-up in the system. They received not a response, but an entire update ensuring ‘more privacy for creators’. Phil had smiled coldly at that.

It scared Dan sometimes, when Phil’s coldness shows. He’s truly different when he’s angry, and Dan would never like to be at the other side of his wrath. Dan had only seen it in action, once, when Dan was called a slur on a train ride. Phil had gone still, so still that Dan’s brain couldn’t register when he saw Phil’s fist connecting with the guy’s face. One moment to the next, and Phil was pummeling the living lights out of the dude. By the time Dan could react, the guy was already backing up, holding his hands up in surrender. Tugging Phil gently away from the scene, hoping not to trigger anything else, they made it back to the apartment. They never talked about it.

Dan was brought out from his reverie by Phil’s gentle knocking on the door.

“Dan? I don’t know if you’re still angry, but i made pasta. I’ll leave a plate for you in the fridge if you don’t come out in thirty.” There was a little pause on the other side of the door, almost like Phil was hesitating, before he continued to speak. “You know i love you, right? I really wish I could help you with your problems, but I can’t always do that when you’re stuck in your head.”

As Phil walked away, immense panic washed over Dan. What if this was it? They’re going to break up, and Dan’s going to get his heart broken, move back in with his parents, and his YouTube dream might as well die. Most importantly, he’ll lose Phil. Phil, who’s so patient with him every time he has a breakdown. Phil, who loves him so much that he’s willing to put up with his ‘scared of the dark’ bullshit, closing the lights after Dan’s been securely tucked up in bed, soft fairy lights illuminating the room whilst waiting for him. Phil, the person who got him through some of his darkest days.

He has to try, for Phil.

Dan’s looking around the room, searching for ideas to make it up to Phil, when it hit him. Phil’s been talking about going to NYC for years now, since they first started Skyping. The man had a weird affinity for touristy places, and Dan could never understand why. But it was Phil, and wherever Phil went, he would go.

Quickly typing in the Google search bar, he found what he wanted and smiled. A genuine one, a rare sight these days. He winced a bit at the price - but it was worth it. Hopefully. Dan scanned their schedule briefly, just to make sure they were completely free. He didn’t want to receive an angry phone call or email from their nice (also hot-tempered, but you didn’t hear that from Dan) manager, Marianne, scolding them because they missed a potentially important meeting. It still amazed Dan that YouTubers actually had meetings to attend, brand deals to accept, deadlines to meet. There wasn’t the pressure of an office job, but it was still jarring, how YouTube was an actual job. It made him feel like a celebrity. But of course, he thought to himself, amused, we’re not actually stars that can attend important events.

Focusing back on the monitor, Dan entered his credit card number, and confirmed the transaction. Sure, it was a noticeable dent in his bank account, but they had the Radio 1 gig later on anyways. It couldn’t hurt that much to have a nice week long holiday with his boyfriend.

Especially if it meant saving their crumbling relationship.

Humming softly under his breath, Dan unlocked his door and practically skipped out to the lounge. He’ll try his best to keep his temper in check. He was in an exceptionally good mood, and suspected that Phil would be too, once he got the news. It was no Japan, but New York City couldn’t be that far off.

“Phil?” Dan yelled down the stairs. This was new to him, having to shout to alert the other. In the Manchester apartment, the space was so small, so cramped, sometimes Dan wondered if Phil could hear him through the wall singing songs whilst he edited. His suspicions were confirmed one day when he broke off in the middle of the Llama song and Phil picked it up. He nearly choked on his drink. The Manchester apartment was filled with fond memories. He hoped that this one would be too.

“Yeah?” Phil was answering in a struggling voice, which meant either a) he was holding something heavy, or b) he was taking out his contacts and was trying not to poke himself in the eye. Dan was secretly pleased he knew Phil well enough to know this.

“Have you had dinner yet? I wanna watch a show with you while we eat, if that’s fine?” Dan said this with some preparation of disappointment. Given that he had just yelled in his face, Dan was sure that Phil would be salty, even if he had cooked dinner.

There was a slight pause, and then Phil replied, “Yeah sure, just let me finish taking off my contacts first!”

Dan did a little fist pump in the air for getting scenario b right, then turned back to the kitchen to get the pasta Phil had promised. Taking care to close all the cupboard doors first so he wouldn’t get a weirdly shaped bruise on his face for the next week and drop their pasta in the process, he managed to safely get the pasta on two plates and make it out to the lounge.

Phil was there already, looking a bit anxious with his glasses on, seated on the sofa changing the channels mindlessly. It was immensely cute. Dan smiled for a bit, stalling in the hallway before walking over to the couch, promptly plopping himself next to Phil. Depositing one of the plates on Phil’s lap, he blurted out what he had been meaning to say for the past half hour.

“I’m sorry.”

Phil, originally planning on devouring the plate of pasta, paused with his fork halfway to his mouth. “What?” He stared at Dan disbelievingly, almost as if he couldn’t believe- oh.

He never did apologize to Phil, huh. He’d always just assume that the unspoken apology was enough, that Phil understood him. It was a shitty move.

“I’m sorry. For yelling at you this afternoon. It was unprecedented and you didn’t deserve it, and you even made pasta for me.” Staring down at his plate, Dan collected himself before speaking again. “I’m just scared, you know? I don’t want us to fall apart because of some mean comments on the internet. But they’re under my skin constantly, talking about things they have absolutely no business meddling in.”

“Is it really so hard for us to be just- us? Dan and Phil? Sometimes, i swear, it feels like it's the whole world against us. The turmoil, the battles, the accusations, they're overwhelming.”

Phil smiled a bit. “Dan and Phil Versus the world, huh.”

Dan broke into a grin, and replied, “Dan and Phil Versus the world.”

And so for the first time in what seemed like months, Dan fell asleep peacefully, with Phil by his side, all of their problems thrown out the window.

The ticket can wait, Dan decided. He'll wait till it's right.

Until then, he'll just let himself be held by Phil, feeling safe and warm in their own little world.

#danielhowell #amazingphil #dan and phil #phandom #phanfic #my fics #prb

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icequeenjules26 · 6 years

Text

But your ghost, the ghost of you it keeps me awake

Summary: Omega Dan wishes he could find a mate before it’s too late, but he knows all hope is lost...

Word count: 4,6K

Tags: Omegaverse, Soulmates, Fluff, Smut, light Angst, Youtuber!Dan, Youtuber!Phil

A/n: Written for the @phandomficfests bingo! Crossing the prompts Alpha/Beta/Omega, Playlist, VidCon, Formspring, cuddling for warmth, Spies and Coming Out Video. It’s also Day 2 of mine and @succubusphan‘s Spooky Week! Thank you angel, for beta’ing and for being so understanding. <3

Read on AO3

For most of his youth Dan had been told how his life was going to be. He was supposed to be the big, strong Omega, the one that stands tall as a successful Lawyer, finds their Alpha and settles down.

He was supposed to carry the weight of the family name. He was supposed to be the successful one.

Until his brother had come along and destroyed it with his eagerness to take over Dan’s place.

Dan wasn’t particularly sad about it. His brother was much more cut out for the job anyway, with his perfect grades and his perfect charm - and the fact that he was an alpha. Not that that mattered much anymore, but he had always held himself in a way that Dan just hadn’t been able to.

Which was fine, honestly. Dan wouldn’t have liked it anyways, being a lawyer, being the head of the family. It had given him a drive - a purpose, if you want. Until, suddenly, his little brother had decided he wanted to study law and his parents had gladly replaced Dan in his position. He had immediately dropped out of law, a career he hadn’t been particularly fond of anyways - but he hadn’t found much else to really drive him ever since.

Of course, he still had hobbies, had things he enjoyed and a new career he loved, but without the added pressure, he felt detached, somewhat floating adrift instead - like an astronaut up in space that had lost contact to his spaceship. If it would kill him like it would kill an astronaut - only time would show.

It probably would, though - considering he needed to find his alpha to survive, and without his study, he barely left his flat anymore.

He worked from home, so he didn’t have to leave his house much, if at all. His flatmate and work partner and best friend, Phil, did most of their groceries and other purchases, with all the time he had at hand.

See, Phil was a ghost - or at least that’s what people in his state were called. Those who hadn’t found their specific mate when they reached their 24th birthday, would die - but not really. They wouldn’t need to sleep anymore, they would lose most of their smell and stop aging. Which wasn’t a particularly bad thing - it was only that they faded with time. It started out with short intervals where they got almost translucent and couldn’t hold things in their hands anymore. Those intervals got longer with time, longer and more intense, until they were mostly just a ghostlike individuals, able to pass through walls and make themselves invisible.

Until one day they faded completely, without any trace left behind. It was a terrifying thought.

For Dan, the most terrifying thought was that Phil was one of them. That he was slowly fading from existence.

Ghosts were also one of the reasons that Dan rarely left his home. Being outside ment meeting them, and he really just wasn’t cut out for that, especially with the vicious ones - the ones that used their state to do evil; from stupid pranks to scaring people senseless. Phil, on the other hand, had always had a thing for horror and now that he was a ghost himself he rarely got scared anymore.

They had first met at VidCon, where they had connected fairly quickly over their love for video games, mangas and the same music. It had been over fairly quickly, though, and they had lost touch. Two months later, at playlist live, they had met again. During the event one of their mutual friends had informed Dan that Phil was searching for a roommate.

Dan, at that point, had been fed up with living at home. His parents were barely even tolerating him there after he had stepped down from his position as head of the family and he had wanted to move to London anyways, so he had taken the leap of moving in with Phil.

To this day, a few years later, he was still glad he’d done that. Sure, it had been a shock when the smell suppressants Phil used had worn off for the first time and Dan had not only realized that a lot of the smell was gone anyways, but also that he was kind of really, really attracted to what was left of it.

The first part still scared Dan, but he saw the second part as an added bonus now.

Sex was no rarity in the Howell - Lester-household. The fact that Phil was a ghost didn’t mean his sexdrive was lessened, and Dan’s heats usually hit them both like a brick wall. They originally had decided to keep apart then - normally the omega was able to resist when the other party was a ghost - but he just hadn’t been able to defy the pull. Fortunately, the bad effects of Phil’s condition completely kept away because of Dan’s hormones.

Phil was overall pretty lucky, he rarely suffered from symptoms - aside from the general stuff like the sleeplessness and the missing smell - even though he really should have longer translucent episodes by now.

Generally the boys didn’t pay it much mind, but this week they were really counting on one, to use it in Phil’s new video - only it didn’t come, so they decided to make it work without it.

Phil hadn’t put up a new video for this week yet - he was on a once a week posting schedule, like their joint gaming channel, while Dan was more of a “I’ll post when I feel like it”-guy. He had told Dan weeks ago that he wanted to do video coming out to their viewers as a ghost. So, naturally, Dan had decided to join.

He had put off telling his audience he was an omega for about as long as he had his channel. Why he never did, he wasn’t sure, but he was sick and tired of society’s expectations and just never felt up for it. When Phil asked him, though, he was obviously on board.

That’s how it always was with him and Phil. If Phil suggested something, he’d rarely say no, if only because he was absolutely powerless against his puppy eyes and pouting lips. His soft, rosy lips...

But hey, that’s what best friends were for… Right?

Right?

So today, he found himself in Phil’s room, sat on his bed, covered by the iconic blue and green checkered duvet, Phil by his side. He was obviously aware that Dan was uncomfortable and turned to him before starting to record. “You share what you want to. Okay? This is not Formsprings. I won’t intentionally put you on the spot, and if I still do, we can edit it out. We’ll be fine.” His voice and eyes were incredibly gentle and Dan felt himself relax. He took a deep breath before gesticulating Phil to hit play on his camera.

“Hey guys!”

:::

When they were done, Phil immediately started editing while Dan choose to get back to his room and dissolve into an anxious mess. He had no idea how their audience would take it, especially because they had known Phil as an alpha since day one - but now, suddenly, he came out as being an omega, and there was no way in hell Phil wasn’t affected by his heats. Their fans had always been particularly good at jumping to conclusions - he could practically hear the phanfics starting to write themselves.

It shouldn’t really matter much to him - the shipping couldn’t possibly get any worse at this point - but somehow, it did.

Maybe because this time, they’d be right, and maybe that would make it real. Not the fact that they had sex regularly, mind you - they did have amazing sex, not only during his heat, and Dan was more than okay with that - But the fact that it meant something. Because it couldn’t.

It couldn’t mean anything.

Because Phil was a ghost. He’d missed his chance, he’d be gone within the next few years.

And that was just the most obvious reason. There was also the fact that Phil didn’t feel anything for Dan, and Dan had made his peace with that. Really, he had.

He groaned when he sat up after what felt like a few minutes, head spinning and a ringing in his ears that he was sure hadn’t been there when he had laid down. His phone was vibrating somewhere in his jeans pocket and he fumbled to get it out.

A short look to the display didn’t only tell him that a few hours had passed since they had been done filming - but also why his phone was vibrating insistently.

In his head, Dan was already making plans. He’d have to push his bed back against the wall to make a cozy cave with a few cushions and blankets - and raid Phil’s laundry basket. Or maybe he could take over Phil’s bed for the time being - he’d be in there with him anyways.

Chuckling at the thought he left his room to giddily search for his alpha -

Yup, that was definitely his heat talking.

Or wasn’t it?

He strolled into the living room, where Phil sat with his Macbook, some show running on the TV in the background. “Can I take over your bed?” he asked straightforwardly, an excited feeling bubbling in his chest and a bright smile on his face as he sat down right next to Phil.

Phil’s eyes, previously completely focused on the screen of his laptop, shot up immediately. They made contact with Dan’s for approximately 0.2 seconds before he raised his nose, nostrils flaring and eyelids half down in pleasure. He hummed appreciatively. “Only if you let me stay there with you.” He sat his laptop aside before darting forward, instantly going to nuzzle Dan’s neck.

Dan chuckled again. Phil had always had a really good nose for his hormones and he relished in that fact a lot. “Of course.”

At the beginning, he had always given Phil an out, setting his timer a few hours ahead to be able to warn him beforehand. Now, years later, he still set his alarms, but he didn’t ask Phil if he wanted to leave anymore. The Alpha knew he could in the first stages of it, when the pull wasn’t quite as strong yet; but Dan refused to give him an easy way out - a heat without Phil would hurt a lot, that was for certain.

For a few minutes they just set there, closely perched together, Phil almost religiously sniffing Dan’s intensifying heat-scent, when he stiffened out of nowhere, shooting up into a sitting position. “Wait, now?” he asked, eyes wide. “But your birthday is in exactly four weeks. I know that because our Fun Month was supposed to start tomorrow, remember?”

Fun Month was something Phil had come up with months ago, when it had become clear that Dan most likely would become a ghost, too. Normally, omegas had a natural drive to find their alpha once they turned 22, giving them some kind of direction they had to take, but Dan never did; he had always been quite content staying in the flat - meaning his chance of finding his alpha were almost zero. Which he was fine with, honestly, but Phil seemingly wasn’t. So, after some disagreements - of Phil wanting to get Dan out there more and Dan refusing to - they had settled on four weeks of fun before Dan’s life started to fade out.

Quickly doing the math in his head, Dan realized that Phil was right and started laughing. “Guess I’ll literally go out with a bang, then!” he squeezed out, still laughing uncontrollably, and Phil gasped. “Dan!”

Dan just waved his hand in a dismissive manner, unable to control his breathing and still giggling profusely.

“Maybe I should leave,” Phil suggested with a deep frown. “Give you one last chance to let your alpa come find you?”

“Nah,” Dan answered in a cute tone that he knew Phil was unable to resist, snuggling to him in a submissive way, the most omega-like movement he had ever allowed himself to make. “What better way is there to go out than getting banged by you?”

He knew he probably would never allow himself to be so bold without a heat coming and that this was most definitely his hormones talking, but he didn’t care. It would be over in four months anyway, why would it matter?

As he predicted, Phil caved almost instantly. “Fine,” he murmured, going back to his task of nuzzling Dan. “How can I say no to that?”

:::

Dan’s heat and the Fun Month went over in what felt like the blink of an eye. He had hardly taken a breath and suddenly, it was June 10th, so he moved to do his preparations. He had started hogging Phil’s unwashed laundry days in advance - because even though he would be there with him they still needed to eat and Dan would definitely need his scent to stay with him when Phil would have to get up to get something. He had also put various cushions on the bed, topped it with three duvets and et voila - done was his heat dent.

A bit later, Phil got home from Tesco, where he had gotten groceries to last for the next few days as he always did, like a good alpha - even though he technically wasn’t Dan’s and would never be, since he was unable to mate - and he didn’t even seem fazed by Dan’s work. He just hummed contentedly when he discovered Dan already snuggled up in his fort of cushions and duvets and Phil’s worn shirts.

Dan watched as Phil made his way to the bed before leaning over him. “Get some sleep before it starts, okay?” he whispered and gently brushed an astray lock away from Dan’s forehead. “I’ll prepare some fast things to eat in advance.”

Dan, albeit reluctant to let him go, nodded timidly. Phil gave him a tiny peck on the lips before he moved out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Dan’s breathing hitched and his eyes went wide as soon as Phil was gone. His heat-hormones or scent wasn’t that bad yet, so -

What was that?

::::

He woke up to the feeling of slick between his legs and a hunger for sex like never before. A quick look to his phone showed him that it was almost half past one in the night. The last information his brain provided was that it was only around an hour till his actual birthday - 1:38 AM - before it flung itself into the fire of his heat, every rational thought gone.

“Alpha,” he whimpered, almost breathlessly, cocooned by the soothing smell of his alpha - an alpha who wasn’t there. “Phil!” he shouted, louder this time, and somewhere in the flat, something crashed, then he heard a low growl and hurried footsteps.

Mere seconds later, the door got pushed open by a completely disheveled Phil, his hair a mess and a wild look in his eyes that screamed of nothing but want. His nostrils flared as he took a deep breath through his nose before coming closer to the bed. Dan’s body was stuck somewhere between pleasure because his alpha was close and need because close was not close enough.

He whimpered again, lowly, and Phil reacted exactly like he wanted him to. Before he could even blink Phil had gotten rid of his clothes and was climbing onto the bed, stark naked, already hard. Dan sighed in relief as they kissed and Phil’s hand worked to get rid of the loose sweatshirt and joggers he was wearing. His pants, already soaked, went along with them and his cock was already aching. He didn’t know what he wanted more, Phil’s mouth around his cock or his knot in his hole, so he just hummed contentedly into the heated kisses while rocking up his hips.

Their cocks slid against each other in a deliciously promising way and Dan moaned. Phil’s mouth wandered from his lips to his neck, nuzzling and licking and nipping, marking him as bad as he could. Something primal in Dan recognized the gesture and realized that the alpha in Phil had chosen Dan as his Omega, but there was no way for him to process that into a coherent thought. Instead, he just moaned again, arching his neck into the ministration, baring his mating gland in the process. Phil nibbed at it with utmost care without really biting into it before moving lower.

He left a trail of hot kisses across Dan’s chest, taking his time to lick and suck at both nipples and Dan was close to purring. He continued lower, lower, lower, teasingly letting his hand brush Dan’s achingly hard cock as he moved his body, his mouth constantly nipping and sucking into Dan’s skin, marking him as his.

The omega in Dan literally purred this time, but his body ached at the teasing and he wanted nothing but release. “Nghn,” he squeezed out, not a recognizable word by any means but Phil understood him anyway. His mouth, previously busy leaving marks on Dan’s inner thigh, traveled up and finally, finally wrapped around Dan’s cock. He moaned in pleasure as Phil first gently licked over its slit before taking him deeper until he was completely buried in Phil’s mouth.

He was buzzing with pleasure, so caught up that he didn’t even realize Phil’s hand was spreading his legs, until a finger was moving up his inner thigh, teasing at his rim.

“Phil,” he gasped out in between moans. He probably would be surprised he got the name out correctly if he’d had brain capacity available, but he didn’t, so he just squirmed under the touch, trying to make Phil stop teasing and start doing.

His world went white for a second when Phil pushed the first finger in, the vibration of his moans shooting straight into Dan’s cock, and Dan felt a core of heat building somewhere at the pit of his stomach.

“Nghn… Close,” he managed to squeeze out before he gasped as Phil pushed the second finger in. It was still a pretty comfortable fit and he thanked their idea of Fun Month for that - Fun outside-activities during the day, fun other activities during the night - when Phil started to move his fingers in a scissoring motion. For a second, Dan was distracted from the heat coursing through him as Phil stretched him, but the burning sensation was over as fast as it had begun.

Moments after Phil had added the third finger, starting to curl them deliciously, Dan came, a panting, moaning mess as Phil sucked at his cock, swallowing it all.

For approximately half a second he felt nothing but cold pleasure coursing through his veins, rendering him motionless - then the heat came back, making him reach out to Phil, pulling him up and kissing him heatedly.

He pressed his cock, already hardening again, against Phil’s thigh before spreading his legs as wide as possible. Phil rewarded him by moaning into his mouth, pushing his hips down to press his cock against Dan’s.

“Do it,” Dan moaned out as Phil’s head teased his rim, pushing up his hips to line up his hole with Phil’s cock.

Pure, cold pleasure coursed through his boiling hot veins and Dan’s world vanished as Phil started moving inside of him. He loved his alpha so damn much it physically hurt.

Phil’s mouth wandered from Dan’s lips down to his neck, nibbling and sucking at it again, all the while continuing to fuck into him. A knot was forming at the base of his cock and Dan basked in the feeling of it, moaning and gasping at the delicious stretch of it moving upwards slowly.

He could feel the orgasm building inside of him as Phil’s mouth moved closer to his mating gland, growing and tightening his muscles until -

“Bite me!” he screamed out as Phil’s knot finally breached him, come shooting into him, and then he followed suit, coming all over his chest.

They were still in the midst of their orgasms when Phil finally bit into his mating gland, harsh but gentle at the same time, piercing Dan’s skin with his teeth.

Somewhere between the sheets, some limb or the other pushed the home button of Dan’s phone, forgotten in the heat of the moment. Its display lit up briefly, showcasting the time. 01:38.

Dan’s heat stayed for far longer than usual, as was to be expected for the last heat - according to what he’d learnt in school - and it was almost a week later that he finally woke up without slick between his legs and no heat coiling in his stomach. His hole felt raw as he moved and he was pretty sure there were actual bite marks on his cock but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Much.

He shifted a bit and turned around to look at the alpha who had slept spooning him. He groaned when Dan moved, but just shuffled closer again to let their bodies touch, seemingly comfortable with just the knowledge that Dan was still there.

He sighed, gently pushing few strands of hair away from Phil’s face before using the same hand to brush over his mating gland. He was sure it was bruised and he could even feel the bite marks. It was far from the first time Phil had bitten into it in pure ecstasy, but somehow, this time it felt different. More significant, maybe.

He wouldn’t mind it if it would’ve finally been successful. He knew that now not only Phil but also himself were unable to mate, but it was still a nice vision, being mated to Phil.

He really wasn’t sure how he’d gotten himself into this mess. Sure, Phil had always been attractive and it had felt like he gravitated towards him, but from the moment he’d realized that Phil was who he was, he should have backed off. But no. No, he had gone and fallen even harder for him -

Fallen for a ghost. Like he was now.

Brilliant. Bloody brilliant.

Overall, he didn’t feel far off from the usual. But he hadn’t really expected to. Phil had told him that the first few days the only thing changing had been his slowly decreasing tiredness.

Dan sighed again and turned onto his back to stare at the ceiling.

Immediately, Phil shuffled too; moving closer and closer until he was pressed up against Dan’s side, head resting on his shoulder. Dan raised his hand to gently stroke Phil’s hair as he laid there, thinking about everything and nothing all at once.

For a moment, all was good.

:::

A few days later, it wasn’t anymore.

Nothing was how it had been supposed to be. Dan felt like shit most of the time now. He was shivering, he felt hot and cold and had a fever so high Phil was getting worried. He reeked of hormones, Phil said but wasn’t able to properly classify them.

He felt ready to vomit this evening. His head was spinning and his still bruised mating gland was itching so much he was sure there was a big sitting there. Only there wasn’t.

It was summer outside and pretty warm, but still he shivered, feeling cold all over. He cuddled into Phil’s blanket - for some reason his scent eased Dan’s pain, so he surrounded himself with it all the time now. He even wore one of Phil’s shirts out of the laundry basket.

He knew that he was treading different ground here. It wasn’t unusual to do stuff like that when he was in heat - but he wasn’t. If he continued acting like this, Phil would most likely pick up on his feelings, but he didn’t have it in him to care.

When Phil got home from Tesco he rummaged around in the kitchen for a while, putting the groceries away. “The cashier told me to greet my mate today. I’m not sure if he was drunk or on drugs,” he told Dan through the open door but he didn’t even understand half of it from the force of the shivers running through his body

When Phil stepped into the living room and saw Dan’s state, he immediately went to comfort him. His shivers had given him away, Dan guessed as Phil lied down on the sofa, back propped up against armrest, and pulled Dan against his chest, cuddling him close and obviously trying to give him the warmth he needed.

He had been sweating in the sun, Dan realized as he sank into the warmth, and had to be quite warm already, but he still did this for his Omega. Dan sighed contentedly, all symptoms gone from his mind as he moved to look up into Phil’s face.

He chuckled. “You look like a spy in these,” he teased, lightly tapping the sunglasses still perched on Phil’s nose with a finger. Phil seemed at a lost for words, and only when he spoke did Dan realize why. “Do you feel better?” he asked as he removed the sunglasses from his face, carelessly letting them drop on his coffee table.

“I think,” Dan whispered, “It’s always better when you’re close… And it gets worse when you’re gone.”

For a second it was quiet, neither of them said a word. Dan was afraid he had revealed too much, had made it too obvious now; but then Phil moved to pull him even closer, and upwards, so they were laying face to face. “I have to tell you something,” Phil said almost breathlessly, gently nuzzling Dan’s neck and Dan would have started wondering if he wouldn’t feel so goddamn good in that moment.

“What is it?” he asked, voice husky as hormones started cursing through him. Phil took a deep breath, practically drinking in Dan’s scent, and hummed in obvious contentment. “I love you, Dan.”

For a second, Dan’s world stood still before it got pushed out of its axis with a force that made his head spin - in the best way possible. “I love you too, Phil.”

Out of nowhere, Phil’s teeth were nibbling at his skin, moving closer and closer to his mating gland until -

Until.

Until suddenly, his whole universe shifted, thrumming with something identifiable as it locked into place with a satisfying click.

Until there was a sound ringing through his ears so devastatingly beautiful it had to be an angel’s choir.

Until Phil bit into his mating gland.

The bond shot through him like a cup of hot chocolate during a cold winter’s day, like the first rays of the sun after an ice storm; like he had been alone all his life, missing a piece, but now it was there, slotting into place like it belonged.

And that’s what Dan felt like, too.

Like he belonged. Belonged with Phil.

It took them both a few minutes of heatedly making out until they realized what had happened.

Then, Dan shot up from his place on the sofa like he had been shocked by a taser. “What just happened?” he asked, quivering as he tried to listen to what his body was telling him.

Their eyes locked as he realized that he could feel Phil, his presence, even a hint of his feelings, like he never had before.

Their bond had gone through. They were mates.

But how? How, when they both were - were supposed to be…

“How?” he whispered, a single, choked up sound, as Phil silently stood up beside him, reaching out to gently rest his hands on Dan’s cheeks.

“I don’t know,” Phil whispered back, tears in his eyes that Dan knew were there out of happiness, “But I’m glad it’s you.”

When Phil got tired at around eleven PM that night, they still didn’t have any answers. They would probably never have.

But it didn’t matter.

Because they had each other.

#phan #phanfiction #my writing #teamyaliaspookyweek #phanfic au

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quercussp · 6 years

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Let your balalaika sing

Rating: T

Word count: 3.3k

Summary: Dan and Phil go to Russia during the Interactive Introverts tour

Authors note: This story is written for the @phandomficfests tour fest. A huge thanks to my wonderful betas @megiaolf and @terpia, to @templeofshame and to my husband for support and inspiration.

Warnings: mild sexual content, short reference to violence and death, implied/referenced homophobia, mention of anxiety.

[read on ao3]

They arrive in Moscow early in the morning. Well, morning might be the wrong word, according to Dan. 4:30 am shouldn’t be considered morning, it’s practically the middle of the night. But the sky outside of the plane’s small window is lit up by the rising sun, and the city they are descending on is beginning to wake up, with cars that look like small toys driving across tiny ribbons of roads.

Dan considers waking Phil up so he can see the view from the airplane as they are arriving. He looks to his side and finds Phil sound asleep, his head tilted back, mouth open and a tiny bit of saliva trailing down his chin. Dan smiles softly and decides to let him sleep. It’s been a long night and they have a big day ahead of them, and he knows that Phil gets really grumpy when he is sleep deprived.

Just as the plane lands Phil jerks awake, with a confused look on his face.

“Where… we there?” he mumbles, rubbing his eyes and feeling for his glasses that are in the seat pocket in front of him.

Dan doesn’t answer. The morning feels thick and heavy, and the air outside seems grey. He can barely make out what the pilot is saying because of his heavy accent, but he is assuming that it’s the standard “welcome and thank you for flying with us” message.

They get out of the plane and walk through the sleepy airport, their bags in hand, towards the passport control stands. Dan leads the way as Phil still looks as though he hasn’t woken up properly yet, and he also tends to get lost even when he is at his sharpest. He knows that Marianne and the rest of the crew are somewhere behind them, but he is too tired to look back and wait for them.

They join a small queue of people standing in front of a passport booth labeled “all visitors”. Everyone around them seems subdued and sleepy. There is a big family standing in the neighboring line, with a crying toddler sitting on a large plastic checkered bag, while the mother is looking through her purse and a person he assumes is the grandmother is speaking very fast on the phone to someone.

It takes them about twenty minutes to get to the border agent, a tired looking young woman, who asks them the goal of their visit in a sleepy voice.

“We are doing a show here” answers Dan, but for some reason it comes out as a question. The woman in the booth flips and stamps their passports with a bored look on her face and hands them back to Dan.

It takes them another 30 minutes to get all of their luggage and reunite with their crew. All Dan can think of is coffee, and he can see that Phil is practically falling asleep on his feet.

Their entire party walks through the green corridor into the arrivals zone, where a small group of people are gathered around, waiting for other people. Marianne leads the whole group to a tall bald man holding a sheet of paper with Marianne’s last name on it.

“I’m Konstanstin. You can call me Kostya. Welcome to Moscow!” the man introduces himself. He has an accent and his voice is a bit croaky, but his eyes are twinkling and his hand feels warm and strong when Dan shakes it.

“You ready? Let’s go” says Kostya, leading them out of the airport to a road where dozens of taxis are waiting around, with drivers shouting “Taxi! Taxi!” at them.

Kostya has arranged a couple cars to come pick them up. He helps them arrange their luggage, and then gets behind the wheel of one of them. Marianne joins him in the front, while Dan and Phil slide into the back.

They drive out of the airport and onto a highway. Kostya looks around the car a little nervously, perhaps debating whether or not he should start a conversation. But Marianne is already deep in her phone and Phil has fallen asleep, leaning against the window, so instead Kostya turns on the radio and continues driving.

The drive is a long one. There are barely any cars on the road as it’s so early, and Dan spends his time watching the landscape pass out of the window. The radio is playing some kind of pop music in Russian and he doesn’t understand a word they are saying. Dan feels like he is on another planet.

When they decided they wanted to go to Russia for the tour, it was more of a hypothetical idea. They saw multiple people telling them to “come to Russia” on twitter and younow, and they always answered with “we would love to”. Now that they are here, Dan can’t help feel like it might have been a mistake. Perhaps it’s the sleep deprivation, or the leaflet he was given at the embassy back in the UK that recommended them to stay away and wipe all their phones, he feels oddly nervous. Logically, Dan knows that he and Phil were totally safe. They have a guide and everything is arranged for them, they heard multiple people assuring them that everything will be fine, and just in case, they had hired a second bodyguard. But it still feels as though they are entering a world where the rules are different, where they are vulnerable and exposed.

By the time they get to the hotel Dan feels a bit nauseous, and he desperately needs to pee. He pokes Phil to wake him up and they all pile into the lobby of the hotel, dragging their suitcases behind them.

The lobby is posh and dimly lit, with classical music playing quietly in the background. Marianne and Konstantin walk over to check them in, while the rest of the crew sits on the plush couches near the hotel bar.

In a couple of minutes Marianne walks over to them and passes out hotel keys. She also passes Dan an envelope of Russian money she exchanged for them and two sim cards.

“Your plans won’t work here, Kostya got you temporary mobile numbers. You have your spare phones, right?” she asks.

“Yeah, they’re in my bag” Dan answers, while Phil takes the hotel keys from her and starts walking towards the lift.

Their hotel room is on the 9th floor. It has two beds and a walk-in shower, and a great view of the city.

“Is that the Kremlin?” Phil asks, gesturing to a pointy building that could be seen in the distance, towering over all the other structures.

“Isn’t the Kremlin supposed to be red?” replies Dan. “It also isn’t that tall, right? It’s really old. Maybe it’s one of those 7 skyscrapers Andrew was telling us about”. He walks into the bathroom, finally peeing in the toilet, then shedding his wrinkled clothes and stepping into the shower. The hot water makes him feel a little more alive and after shaving and brushing his teeth, he almost feels human. He walks into the room, wrapped in a plush white hotel robe, and signals to Phil that the bathroom is free.

While Phil showers, Dan puts the sim cards into two old iPhones they bought for this specific trip. The pamphlet they got from the UK ministry told them to avoid using their phones as a precaution against hackers and to protect their personal information. It also told them to stay away from crowded places, not make eye contact on public transport, avoid showing expensive technology and to not be affectionate to each other in public.

It’s not that Dan and Phil didn’t follow the exact same recommendations when they were in London. They tend to avoid large crowds, partly because of social anxiety, and partly because of the very high risk of being recognized by fans. They also do their best to never engage with anyone while taking the tube or bus, because a tired angry Londoner traveling home from work in an overcrowded train car isn’t someone you really want to be all close up and personal with. They try to not wave their brand new iphone Xs around in crowded spaces, as both are aware that pickpockets are common in London. And they also don’t show affection in front of strangers. For obvious reasons of fearing their audience seeing it, but also because none of them have the energy to deal with people’s reaction to it.

But for some reason, the fact that those things were written out in an official document issued by their government makes Dan really uneasy. It fills him with a nervous energy, the type that makes you tremble and jitter, and makes breathing seem like almost an impossible task.

“Do you want to take a nap?” asks Phil, as he walks out of the shower. His skin is pink from the hot water, and his hair messy and wet, hanging across his face. Dan suddenly has the strongest urge to be as close as possible to him. Perhaps it’s nerves. Or maybe it’s a feeling of doing something illegal. Or just the fact that they haven’t had sex in three days.

Dan walks over to Phil and pulls him into a hug, resting his cheek on Phil’s shoulder.

“Yes,” he mumbles, snuggling deeper into Phil’s neck. “Marianne was thinking of going out to breakfast, but we have a couple hours before that”.

“Just let me put some pajamas on,” murmurs Phil, pulling out of Dan’s embrace. Dan instantly feels cold and jittery again.

They both put on some boxers and settle into one of the soft plush hotel beds.

“Why do hotels always have so many pillows,” grumbles Dan, as he pushes three decorative pillows out of the way and onto the floor in order to reach the four big fluffy white ones.

After a bit of adjusting, they end up spooning with Dan wrapping his arms and one leg around Phil’s body. It’s soothing to feel Phil’s gentle breaths and steady heartbeat, to inhale his familiar scent, just a bit tainted by the smell of the hotel body wash. In about three minutes, Dan is fast asleep.

*** They end up going out for brunch. Konstantin meets them in the lobby, all smiles and cheery greetings, and leads them out into the city. He asks them what would they like to have and unanimously everyone answers coffee.

Kostya leads them to a Starbucks, where they get some lattes and pastries and sit down on a sofa near the window.

For some reason Dan finds it surprising that he is in a Starbucks. He feels stupid to be surprised, as he has never yet been to a city that didn’t have one, but it still feels weird. He points it out to Phil, who chuckles and tells him: “yeah, it’s almost like the people here are just the same as anywhere, and also like overpriced American coffee”.

They finish eating and Kostya takes them to the metro. The city is busy and loud around them, there are people hurrying in every direction, and all of it looks so similar to London.

Kostya helps them pay for metro tickets and leads them through the gates and to the escalator. He is telling them something about how the Moscow Metro is the deepest one and how it was used as a bomb shelter, but Dan is only half listening. Instead he is watching the people passing him on the escalator, some of them grumpy looking and looking down, some talking with their friends in loud voices, some listening to music. No one pays them any attention.

The escalator is really really long. Kostya wasn’t joking when he was talking about how deep they are underground. It takes them a full two or three minutes to get all the way down, and when they do, Dan is immediately struck by the sheer grandeur of the station they are on.

“This is a tube station? It looks like a freaking castle!” Phil exclaims, and silently Dan agrees with him. The whole station is covered in marble and fancy molding, the ceilings are as high as in a cathedral, and the walls between massive arches are covered by mosaics, showing battle scenes, with soldiers brandishing red flags. The station is illuminated by lights that hang from brass chandeliers. If it weren’t for the people running all around them and the signs pointing to different lines, Dan would easily mistake this for a grand hall of some sort. Konstantin leads them through the crowd and towards an arriving train.

After some Russian words Dan can’t understand, he hears the announcer say “the next station is Smolenskaya” in English and the train plunges into the darkness of the tunnel.

It takes them about ten minutes to get to their destination. The train makes several stops and every time Dan is amazed by the architecture of the stations. They all seem different and over the top grand. The people around him seem to care very little about the beauty of the stations, they go on and off the train, some of them carrying coffee cups, others looking at their phones or reading books. They look so very normal, but everyone's advice about being careful keeps him on his toes, and he feels the anxious and uncomfortable feeling returning.

They spend the morning walking around the city center. They visit the Kremlin and Red Square, go to the GUM and some museums. They meet many subscribers, they buy some ice cream, drink some more coffee. The whole day feels so… so un-unusual compared to their other tour stops. Sure, it’s a new city in a new country, but for some reason Dan expected it to be much more different. He keeps noticing similarities to other places he’s visited. The streets are filled with the same stores with the same brands of clothing, fast food restaurants on every block, and Dan has counted that they passed five McDonalds and three Burger Kings just in the morning alone. Perhaps the only difference is that most people speak a different language, but then again just a couple of days ago in Amsterdam they had the same experience.

Throughout the day Dan starts to relax a little. Konstantin leads them around, talking animatedly about the history and architecture and telling silly stories from his life. They go into souvenir shops where Phil annoys the salesperson by asking them to show him the biggest and the most ridiculously expensive matryoshka doll and then buying a super cheap one. They notice that all the souvenir shops sell t-shirts with Putin’s face on them and Marianne jokes that Dan should buy one ironically. Dan laughs and threatens to fire her, but in the end buys a fluffy hat with ears with “Moscow” embroidered on it because why not.

They walk past the Kremlin, talking animatedly to each other and start walking on a wide stone bridge across the Moscow river.

“What’s that?” Phil asks Konstantin, pointing at a heap of flowers lying on the side of the bridge, surrounded by lit candles.

“Oh, that’s where Boris Nemtsov was shot. It’s his memorial,” answers Konstantin without a pause. He continues to talk about how the memorial keeps getting vandalized and how people continue to restore it and bring flowers every day, and then about how in the winter it’s hard to keep the sidewalks clean from snow and moves on to explain that there is an ice rink constructed on the Red Square every winter.

There is a cold feeling in Dan’s chest. He remembers reading about this story in the news, about how a politician who opposed the government was shot in the back right in front of the Kremlin a couple of years ago. He remembers reading about it, but until now he couldn’t picture it. That it happened in the heart of this city. Right where he and his crew are walking around taking pictures. 100 feet away from where he took a selfie with some excited and out of breath fans. Less than 5 minute walk from a Starbucks.

***

They eat dinner at a traditional Russian restaurant and of course Dan spills bright red beet soup all over himself. The food is good, but the jitters are back and he feels exposed and out of place. He sees Phil looking at him every now and then with a concerned expression, but doesn’t say anything.

Later that night, in the hotel, Dan finds himself wide awake even though he is exhausted. Phil is lying next to him, playing some app on his old iphone. He wants to ask Phil if he feels the same way, but can’t find the words. Instead he snuggles into his chest and asks him what they should talk about tomorrow in the intro to the show.

He thinks Phil understands the unspoken question though, because he puts down the phone and combs through Dan’s curls, softly telling him that they should talk about the souvenir shop.

They end up making love, both being quiet and overwhelmed a bit, but overcome with affection and gratitude for each other. It’s the kind of sex that Dan calls “stress sex” in his mind. The type which has the main goal of reminding them that they are here, and that they are together, and that they can overcome anything. He falls asleep with Phil’s dick still inside him, feeling ridiculously small and fragile in Phil’s arms.

***

The next day is busy with setting up the show, sound checking, and then suddenly the meet and greet has started, and they are hugging people and taking photos and smiling. Dan is grateful for all of that, because he knows how to do this. This is his job, it’s what he’s best at. So he smiles and hugs people and takes selfies.

Some of the fans they meet speak very poor English, but they do their best to understand what they have to tell them. For some reason their stories feel particularly important to Dan. Perhaps it’s because every once in a while someone tells them that they have no one to talk to other than the people they’ve met through the phandom. Some tell them that watching their videos made them speak English better. A shy 16 year old mumbles how they inspired her to come out to her parents, and how she is here with her girlfriend. One fan asks them to sign a pride flag and something clenches in Dan’s chest when he does it. He catches Phil’s eye and he sees the same tension that is grasping his heart right now.

The show is as always a success. They laugh and have a blast, and Dan is drenched with sweat by the end of it. The audience gives them a standing ovation and they leave the stage exhausted and worn out, but excited and pumped with adrenaline.

They end up ordering room service to their room. Dan decides to mess up the second bed just in case, to make it seem like someone slept there, but his effort is screwed up by Phil yelling “Dan, babe, could you bring me my contact lense solution please?” from the bathroom at the exact moment as the hotel employee is carting in their dinner. To Dan’s relief, the man doesn’t flinch even a little bit, but politely smiles and tells Dan to enjoy their dinner, shutting the door behind him.

They fall asleep in each other’s arms again. Phil falls asleep first and Dan listens to his steady breathing. For some reason he can’t shake an image from his mind. The grey stone barrier of a bridge, covered in flowers, some dried up, some new, with candles lit all around and a framed photo of a smiling man with a black ribbon wrapped around it.

#phan #phanfiction #my fic #phandomficfest #tour fest

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auroraphilealis · 6 years

Text

Too Tense to Be Undone (2/5)

Too Tense to Be Undone (2/4) | Dan’s never had an orgasm before. Despite being in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for three years, he’s just never been able to finish. The doctor’s don’t know what’s wrong with him, so Dan’s mostly put it out of his mind. Until his gap year, when he starts talking with AmazingPhil, and accidentally admits that he’s never come before. Phil’s happy to help with more than just convincing Dan to post YouTube videos, if Dan will just give him the chance. | Phan | Explicit | Slight Friends with Benefits, Pining, Eventual Smut, Very Explicit Smut, Dirty Talk, Flirting, Getting Together, 2009, Skype | 5,732 Words This Chapter

Intense thank you to @imnotinclindedtomaturity again because she’s amazing and makes me a better writer I love her. Also thanks to everyone who commented and sent me nice asks! I’m so excited about this fic it’s all I’ve been thinking about for days. Finals whom? Anyway, I’m building you up to some… more fun coming soon. I’ll see Thursday ;)

(previous chapter) (ao3 link)

“Phil, did you see?” Dan asked the moment that Phil had answered his skype call. “I’ve actually got like, subscribers. Already!” Dan crowed. He was just so freaking excited. When he’d posted his first video that morning, he hadn’t actually thought that anyone would start following him right away, but he already had a dozen or so email notifications of new people following his youtube channel. Some of them said two or three people had subscribed, while others said 10.

He still couldn’t quite believe it. He’d been waiting all day for Phil to get back from filming with Charlie and Stephen so he could celebrate with him.

“Yeah, I did,” Phil replied, chuckling. “I sort of re-tweeted you, remember?”

Dan rolled his eyes, but he didn't let Phil’s teasing get him down. He could feel himself practically bouncing on the bed in his excitement to share the news. “I can’t believe they actually want to see me make videos. I’ve already got like, a dozen comments, too! Did you see?”

Phil was staring at a blue mug he was awkwardly holding, with his fingers practically backwards on the handle. His gaze was weirdly perturbed, before he took a sip, and offered Dan a sort of chuckle. The fact that Phil was paying his mug of coffee so much attention was really annoying Dan. He knew he could be clingy, but a cup of coffee, over Dan talking - especially about YouTube, which Phil had pushed him into in the first place?

“Phil!” Dan whined, as he was want to do. “Pay attention to me. I’m really excited! It’s not my fault you’re used to having 20 thousand subscribers already. Let me get excited about my 53!”

Rolling his eyes, Phil finally turned his full attention onto Dan. Those blue eyes were so much more intense these days than Dan was used to.

Ever since their conversation about Dan being unable to orgasm, Phil had looked far more ardent than he used to, blue eyes fiery with a feeling Dan couldn’t quite place. It was almost as if Phil was hyper-aware of Dan all the time, now, and sometimes he looked like he wanted to reach through the screen and fuck him. Hard.

Just the thought made Dan shiver with want.

“I told you they were going to like you, Dan,” Phil teased. “I don’t know why you’re so surprised. You're funny, and cute.”

Again with the flirting. Dan wasn’t sure how much more of it he could take. It was bad enough he’d only recently booked his train ticket to Manchester Piccadilly, much to the complaint of his parents, particularly his father. But now, he still had to wait another eight days to actually meet Phil in person. And plus there was the fact that he was only going to get three days with the guy. Did Phil have to make every skype call difficult too?

Shrugging Phil’s words away, Dan shook his head. “Whatever. Which video do you think I should upload next? Butterfingers, or Procrastination?”

“Butterfingers, definitely. I think more people can relate,” Phil suggested quickly. His eyes were twinkling. “Besides, you get practically naked in Butterfingers.”

Dan could feel his blood freeze. He remembered exactly what Phil was talking about. He’d filmed a scene of himself waking up in the morning to check how his channel was doing, and he’d bit his lip with his eyes half closed in the perfect shot. Even he’d thought he’d looked pretty provocative, but for Phil to bring it up was. Something else.

“Oh my god, Phil, shut up!” Dan complained. “Quit thinking with your dick, I’m serious. I want people to like me! And my content!”

His cheeks were bright red, he was sure, but he couldn’t help it. Phil was just such a fucking flirt, and everything he said had so much more meaning now, considering their plans for when Dan came to visit him. They hadn’t spoken about it much since Dan had texted Phil that he’d bought a train ticket, and Phil had called him on skype to celebrate.

There had been some blushing from Dan, a question from Phil if Dan was still up for it, and that had been it.

Phil had intensified the flirting, though. Before, he usually stopped on the cusp of making it real, but recently, he’d been pushing the limits as much as he could get away with, making it very clear what he was interested in.

It made Dan feel wanted.

It wasn’t as if he’d never felt that way before, but the way that Phil looked at him, the way that Phil spoke to him, made Dan feel like he was only person in the entire world that Phil desired.

Unaware, or simply ignoring, Dan’s embarrassment, Phil pressed on. “I know, but seriously, Dan. How do you do that with your face? You’re fucking hot. I’ve watched that part of the videos you uploaded far too many times to count,” Phil added.

Dan didn’t know what to say to that. He knew, he knew Phil had seen his unedited footage more than once, because he’d been forced to upload privately to youtube just to share it with Phil, and the view count was… well, uhm. Not 1, to put it lightly. It was just that, well, he hadn’t expected Phil to bring it up. Seriously, what had Phil done, jerked off to the clips?

Dan felt heat rush to his cheeks, making his blush even darker, and he tried not to think too hard about that possibility.

Phil seemed to decide he’d pushed Dan far enough, then, because he relented, putting his mug down and waving his hand at Dan a little. The stupid little smirk he always had these days fell away to reveal a more sympathetic expression as Phil peered at Dan.

“You’re such a dork, Dan,” Phil said. “I don’t know why you’re so worried. I don’t understand how you can’t see yourself the way I see you.”

This was one of those comments that made Dan wonder if Phil was interested in him for reasons other that just sex. Despite all of their flirting, they hadn’t ever actually talked about any potential feelings. In fact, they rarely even talked about the sex thing in any seriousness. But that didn’t change the reality that Dan was falling more and more in love with Phil. He’d always been one to crush easily, and Phil was definitely not an exception to this. If anything, he’d found himself crushing harder and faster on Phil than he’d ever crushed on anyone before - and that included his ex girlfriend. Dan was seriously starting to question how serious his feelings had really been for her if Phil could make him feel like… this.

Maybe Dan just fell too fast. Maybe he was already in love with Phil, and was a complete and utter goner. All he could do was hope that he didn’t end up getting crushed just as quickly.

“And how do you see me?” Dan asked, testing the boundaries a little. He might also be fishing for compliments, but. Well. Sue him.

Phil never seemed to have a problem doling them out, after all.

Phil smiled. He didn’t seem at all perturbed by Dan asking. In fact, he almost seemed to see right through Dan, but at the same time, didn’t seem to mind.

“I see you as a guy who has no idea just how talented and funny he actually is.”

Phil’s smile turned into more of a smirk, his eyebrows raising and his voice dropping.

“And as a guy I’d really like to fuck.”

“Phil!” Dan shouted, bursting into laughter at the way Phil tried to wink seductively afterwards, failing as he did that awkward double blink again. “Fuck off! You can’t just say things like that!”

“Why not? It’s true.”

“Phiiiiil!” Dan whined. He wouldn’t deny that he was laughing (and maybe a little turned on, but who was counting), but that didn’t mean he couldn’t tell Phil off. Phil was laughing too, though, his expression a weird cross between a goose and a cat who’d caught the canary. Dan was completely and utterly enamoured with the look.

He found himself laughing even harder because of it, a weird, giddy sense of affection surging through him to combat the faux annoyance he had at Phil for flirting with him. Dan never wanted this feeling to end. The way Phil made him feel was… unlike Dan had ever felt before.

Phil’s eyes were dancing, and Dan found himself continuing to fall harder and harder. He wanted nothing more than to believe that Phil wanted just as much from Dan as Dan wanted from Phil, but it was difficult to believe - as far as Dan could tell, Phil hadn’t said anything to suggest that he had deeper feelings for Dan.

He just said shit like this, and expected Dan to read between the lines, or something.

Dan didn’t like reading between the lines. There was too much room for misinterpreting things. Too much room for building his hopes up, only to have them torn down. Too much room for getting hurt.

But for Phil, he’d try his best to figure it out.

Once they’d calmed down, Dan reached up to wipe away the tears that had gathered at the corners of his eyes, and smiled widely at Phil.

“You’re such a dork,” he complained.

Phil offered him a shrug in return. “No, but really. You really are really funny, Dan. You’re quick-witted, and you don’t even have to script yourself to make a funny video. Most of your best lines come from improv, and that’s a really good skill to have for YouTube. I think you’ll be really big one day.”

The words were far more thoughtful than the previous ones, and they made Dan smile, this one a little smaller, a little more private, as he looked down at his keyboard. He still couldn’t believe Phil Lester was his friend, let alone someone he could now consider a co-worker, in one way or another. And to add to that, Phil thought Dan was pretty great. In whatever sense.

It made Dan feel warm all the way down to his core.

“Thanks,” he finally replied, because he felt like Phil deserved some kind of appreciation for his kind words. He didn’t have to say them, and yet he had. That meant a lot to Dan, and suddenly, all of the success of today didn’t even come close to the feeling Phil’s compliments gave him.

Clearing his throat to get rid of the emotion that suddenly seemed to be clogged there, Dan decided to change the subject. “So, how did filming go today?”

Phil perked up a bit at the mention, before his expression turned a little sour. The conflicting emotions confused Dan, who just kind of waited nervously for Phil to explain.

“It was okay. Charlie was late, but Stephen and I got some stuff done for ApartmentRed before he showed up. After... was not so good. I’m only just now getting in because Charlie seems to think it’ll make me jealous to see him hanging all over Stephen, and it made getting any filming done take ages, when we should have been done in a couple of hours.”

Dan didn’t know very much about Charlie and Phil’s history, but he did know that Charlie had once been publicly and fowardly interested in Phil. As far as Dan knew, they’d never fucked, but that hadn’t stopped Charlie from wanting to get into Phil’s pants.

Phil had said that at one point, he’d thought it was kind of nice, and he’d considered it, but. It had just never happened. Dan wanted to believe that, he really did, but. Well. Phil talked so much about hooking up with people that Dan worried sometimes Phil was just trying to protect him by pretending he wasn’t as… sexually experienced as he’d originally painted himself out to be.

Dan tugged his lip between his teeth, gnawing at it nervously. He couldn’t help wondering why Phil’s mood had turned sour. Was it because of Charlie dating Stephen? Was he actually jealous? Or was he just annoyed that Charlie had ruined their filming schedule?

Dan was kind of afraid to ask.

But Dan knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he didn’t know.

Dan was jealous and possessive, even a little bit mean when it came to those darker emotions. He couldn’t always seem to hold himself back from making it very, very clear that he didn’t like the idea of his person being someone else’s. Or even someone else wanting his person.

And for right now, Phil was kind of sort of Dan’s person. At least to the hopeful part of his mind.

“Hmm,” Dan responded, so that Phil wouldn’t feel ignored, but so that Dan wouldn’t say what he actually wanted to say.

“Yeah. I think Stephen could tell I was starting to get annoyed, because he made Charlie knock it off a few times so we could finish up. Charlie didn’t really take the hint though. A couple of times I had to tell them to stop being an ass before I clubbed one of them over the head, just to get this all over with.”

“Yeah…” Dan replied noncommittally, glancing down at his keyboard again rather than facing up to Phil. He didn’t really want to have to deal with confronting this one, but he really wanted to at at the same time.

“Mmhm. I gotta admit. Stephen and Charlie make a cute couple, though. They’re both pretty hot,” Phil mused, seeming all to unaware of how uncomfortable he was currently making Dan.

Dan didn’t even bother to answer that one. He stared studiously at his keyboard and prayed that Phil wouldn’t notice his reluctance to talk about this. He just wanted to brush past this topic and try not to dwell on the unwarranted jealousy that was building up in his stomach. His face scrunched up in distaste, something he did his best to hide from Phil.

Phil, however, seemed to see straight through Dan, and the sour expression Phil had adopted turned to one a little more mischievous.

“What? Is something bothering you, Dan?” Phil asked. “Are you maybe… jealous?”

Dan felt his face start to go red.

“N-No!” he replied right away. He sputtered on the word a little, and shook his head. “Of course not. Why would I be jealous? I have nothing to be jealous of.”

Phil’s grin didn’t leave his face.

“No? So you aren’t jealous of Charlie at all, then? Because I’ve got to admit, he is pretty fit. I wouldn’t mind seeing him undressed.”

Dan could feel his blood beginning to boil. He didn’t like the way Phil was looking at him, let alone the way he was talking about Charlie. He knew that Phil had, at least at one point, looked at Charlie as a potential partner, but to talk about Charlie like that to him? It felt a little like… a slap to the face.

“Doesn’t he have a boyfriend now?” Dan spat, because he couldn’t help himself. He just really didn’t want to hear Phil talking about anyone else the way he talked about Dan. It was bad enough that Dan didn’t know if Phil had any proper feelings for him, did Phil really need to rub it in his face, too?

It seemed like every time Dan starting to have faith that Phil might have any kind of feelings for him, Phil would say something like that and just… make Dan question everything all over again.

Maybe he shouldn’t have ever agreed to let Phil fuck him. No matter how badly Dan wanted to know what an orgasm felt like, he sure as hell didn’t need to deal with someone who didn’t actually want Dan as anything more than a plaything. He still had time to back out. Maybe he should consider canceling his train ticket, and ending his friendship with Phil altogether, before it was too late…

“Dan,” Phil called, his voice a little softer now. He didn’t sound so cocky and teasing anymore. He sounded sincere, so Dan risked looking up at him. Phil was still sort of smirking, but the expression was softer now. He didn’t look so malicious. “I’m sorry,” he added. “I didn’t mean to make you angry. I’m just surprised you’re jealous of Charlie. You know I was never with him like that.”

Dan kind of nodded his head. Sort of. His mouth was still set in a firm line, and he still felt kind of mad, but Phil was right. And he’d apologized, so there was that.

“Whatever,” Dan moodily shot back, but Phil didn’t seem to be having it. He dragged his laptop closer to him, so that all Dan could really see was Phil’s face and those gorgeous blue eyes. It was kind of mesmerizing, if Dan was being honest.

“Dan,” Phil said again, “Come on. I’m really sorry. I really don’t see Charlie like that. And besides, there’s someone I’d much rather have right here in front of me. Charlie didn’t make me jealous, he just made me annoyed. You, on the other hand…”

Dan gulped. He what? What was Phil getting at? What did Dan do to him? Part of him knew Phil was talking about wanting Dan physically, but the other part was hoping, begging, for Phil to say it was more.

“Do you remember the promise I made to you on skype the other day?” Phil practically purred.

Dan nodded his head dumbly.

“I’ve been doing a bit of research. I’ve had a lot of sex, but I’ve not experimented with that many things, and I’m not all that sure how to extend the foreplay. I’ve got a feeling you’re going to need a lot more than my cock in your ass,” Phil explained.

Dan’s breath caught in his throat. The very idea of that made Dan’s dick stir with interest. He wanted that. He wanted that a lot. Since the last time he’d talked to Phil about the two of them having sex, Dan had done a little bit of research himself, and he’d watched a few porn videos about that exact scenario. The way the bottom moaned had made the situation seem… electrifying.

Of course, Dan had gotten hard, and of course, he’d tried to get himself off, but nothing had really come of it. Eventually, he’d resigned himself to his fate, closed his browser, and took a cold shower.

The fact that Phil had done research for him though… and the fact that Phil was willing to try that and so much more... That was not only an exciting thought, but set off a warm feeling in the pit of Dan’s stomach. All he’d ever really wanted was to find someone who didn’t mind that Dan had a problem finishing. All he’d ever really wanted was to find someone who’d try anyway.

“I’ve got so many plans for you, Dan. Things I’ve never done with anyone else. Do you want to hear them?”

Phil’s voice was practically molten heat. Dan felt like he was going to explode.

He’d never gotten this hard this fast before. There was that familiar sensation of frustration at Phil teasing him all the damn time and arousal surging through his veins that he always seemed to get with Phil these days, but it only made the whole moment more intense.

Did Dan want to hear what Phil had planned for him? Eight days out from actually getting to experience it? Was having Phil fuck him even a good idea, in the long run?

Dan knew he should lay his cards out on the table, make it clear to Phil that what he wanted was so much more than an orgasm. He knew that he should make sure that Phil wasn’t going to leave him high and dry after he got one little taste, or get Dan addicted so he’d keep coming back for more until he and Phil were in a proper friends with benefits relationship without all the feelings Dan so desperately wanted.

He knew that he should admit he had feelings, and that he was all in, but it was so fucking hard when his dick was doing all of the thinking for him.

So, against his better judgement, Dan nodded his head.

Phil’s grin turned wicked.

“Are your nipples sensitive, Dan?” Phil asked, eyes glowing. He looked like a lion intent on his prey, and Dan couldn’t wait to be gobbled up. He was so distracted by the look Phil was giving him, that he couldn’t even began to focus on the question. What had Phil asked?

Oh. Oh.

“Fuck. Yes,” Dan whispered. The words came out far breathier than he’d intended for them too, and he added quickly, “And my neck. God, my neck.”

He could already imagine Phil getting his mouth on him, sucking at his nipples and leaving marks on his neck. The very idea made Dan’s body tingle, and he had to close his eyes when he let out a soft groan.

“Good,” Phil replied, voice so fucking husky Dan had to open his eyes to check it was still Phil. From what Dan could tell, Phil’s pupils had dilated, and his face had flushed red. Was Phil getting turned on by this?

Fuck, the thought that Dan actually made Phil hard was completely insane to him, and yet made his dick twitch in his pants. Sure, Phil had joked about getting off to dan's nakedbooths and rewatching the clip of him half-naked from his video files, but seeing how Phil looked now... maybe those hadn’t been just jokes.

Glancing behind him at his bedroom door, Dan made sure there was no light filtering in from outside, and double checked his headphones were in right. There was no way in hell he wanted his parents to walk in on this.

“I read something online. It’s usually girls that have a difficult time reaching climax, did you know?”

“Fuck you,” Dan gritted out. He didn’t particularly love Phil making fun of him like that. Right, like he needed a reminder that Dan was different, and that most guys were perfectly fine. At least Dan could feel sympathetic to the girls who struggled to get off, unlike Phil.

Phil just laughed.

“Shush, it doesn’t matter,” Phil said, pacifying Dan’s worries. Dan couldn’t repress a sigh of relief, and Phil flashed him a grin. “Just means us guys are usually a fair bit luckier in that department, but you. Now you, I get to have my fun with,” Phil rumbled. “Anyway, they say that the best way to get a girl going is to play with her nipples, because they’re so sensitive, you know? So I thought, why not try that on Dan. See if I can’t get him going just from my mouth on his chest.”

The words caused Dan to squeeze his eyes shut at the mental image. He really did like that idea, after all. His ex had brushed over them a few times, but a mouth? Fuck, Dan couldn’t even begin to imagine. If his ex’s hands barely brushing over them felt good, lord knew how amazing it would be once Phil got his mouth on him.

“You said your neck’s sensitive too, right? The internet says I should focus on your favorite spots, avoiding the… c-cock and, uhm, balls altogether. That’ll get you nice and worked up. So I figure, why not start there? I’ll get you hard for me just by sucking on your nipples and mouthing over that gorgeous chest of yours, and then I’ll move up to your neck and I’ll make damn sure everyone know who you bel- what you've been doing.”

“Phil,” Dan groaned, staring at him with his mouth unhinged a little. “Fuck, that all sounds so good,” he rasped. Just the idea of all that Phil wanted to do, the idea that he wanted to mark Dan so that no one could miss the fact that he’d been having sex, was making him feel wild.

It was just that, despite the fact that he could already feel his dick throbbing, Dan knew playing with his nipples, marking him, touching his body wouldn’t be enough, and Phil had said that he was going to just… avoid Dan’s cock entirely, that fucking him might not be enough. Did that mean he wasn’t going to try for anymore? “But I’ve tried everything, except… you know, anal, before. I’ve tried slowing it down, I’ve tried… foreplay. It’s never enough. None of it works, I still can’t -”

“I wasn’t done,” Phil interrupted. “Did you really think I was going to stop there, Daniel?” Phil practically growled. “I’m not stupid. I figured you’ve tried the basics, and I promised you so much more. Don’t you think I’d try a little harder than that?”

Dan didn’t have an answer to that. Phil was right. Dan had been assuming that Phil had thought that would be enough, but Phil seemed to be serious about wanting to make Dan actually orgasm, and, well, it was still insane to Dan that Phil was putting this much effort into it.

Phil had gone out and done research, and was willing to spend however much time just on foreplay, when most guys Dan knew... Well. If what his mates sometimes said was true, they didn’t much care for working up to anything. They just wanted to to get to the fucking part as fast as possible.

Dan had always been a fan of foreplay, but he got the distinct feeling that wasn’t the norm. Maybe he was wrong, the guys were teengers, after all, but it made Dan think.

Why was Phil trying so hard?

“Why do you care?” Dan asked, before he could stop himself. The words just kind of burst out of him despite the heavy way he was breathing. Phil quirked a brow at him, always the pro at a poker face, but there was something about the way he hesitated in answering that told Dan the question had thrown him off.

After a moment, Phil’s slow grin returned. “I can’t just let a friend spend his whole life without an orgasm, now can I?”

Dan’s breathing stuttered.

He didn’t get a chance to respond before Phil moved on.

“Do you want to hear what else I’m going to do to you?”

But Dan wasn’t sure. He was still caught up on what Phil had said about not letting a friend spend his life without an oragasm. The word kept echoing around in Dan’s head, a painful reminder that what they had… it was nothing. It was just sex, and flirting, and a little too much tense arousal for any two men to ignore. It hurt. It hurt more than Dan could say.

Friend. Dan was just a friend to Phil, and suddenly this whole situation just felt too weird. Dan couldn’t deal with it. He knew he should have told Phil that he was interested in so much more than what Phil was currently offering. He wasn’t the kind of person who did one night stands, and Phil was. Suddenly the possibility of it not turning into anything more than a one time thing seemed so much more real.

Phil only considered Dan a friend, and it was killing him inside.

“Dan?” Phil asked again, trying to get his attention.

Dan looked at him.

“Come here. I want to try something,” he said. There was something about his expression that made Dan feel like he was meeting the Phil who was great at sleeping around, but didn’t keep very many people in his life.

Dan knew that Phil was the sweetest person in the world, but he didn’t fall in love easy. In fact, he’d admitted to Dan that he didn’t think he’d ever been in love, and here Dan was, falling for him anway.

Dan swallowed, and tried to wet his mouth. There was a part of him that was intensely worried about what Phil might want, not because he didn’t trust him, but because suddenly, Dan wasn’t sure if he wanted to be involved with this side of Phil. He wanted… he wanted.

God, he just wanted more.

Slowly, he asked, “What,” his voice just as hoarse as it had been before.

Phil offered him a slow grin, and pointed to Dan.

“Take your pants off.”

Dan’s eyes went wide, and he found himself shaking his head before he could even form words. Phil wanted to have cyber sex, right here and now, and Dan couldn’t. He couldn’t do that, not with how he was feeling now. Besides, didn’t Phil understand? Dan couldn’t get off, especially not on his own.

“No!” Dan finally managed to spit out, tone probably more harsh than it needed to be. The word sounded loud in his ears, but when Dan turned to look at his door, he didn’t see or hear anyone coming. He turned back to Phil, and tried to hold back the well of emotion he was currently feeling. He could feel tears of frustration pricking at his eyes, and he didn’t really want Phil to realize.

“No, Phil. I can’t do that. I can’t just - I can’t have skype sex with you. I told you, I’ve never had an oragsm. Do you really think me wanking off over a camera to you is going to make me come? I’m not just some - some - some toy for you to play with, to experiment with. I’m your friend, you asshole!” Dan barrelled on, practically hissing the words. “I’m not a science experiment…”

As soon as the words left Dan’s mouth, he regretted them. He hadn’t quite meant to snap like that, and he definitely hadn’t meant to make Phil feel bad, it was just that he was sick of feeling like some kind of play thing, or - or - or god forbid, a medical mystery. He just wanted to be Dan. A person someone considered special, worth it.

Phil, for his part, looked taken aback, and maybe a little chagrined.

“Dan,” he tried to say, but Dan cut him off.

“No, Phil, it’s not going to work. Just listen to me, okay?” Dan nearly begged. “I don’t - I can’t - Phil, you’re my best friend. I don’t think this is a good idea. It’s nice of you to want to help me out and all, but…” Dan stopped himself short before changing the direction of his sentence. “But I can’t lose you.”

The words weren’t exactly the confession Dan should have made, but they were something. They were better than continuing on like this idea was a good one, throwing caution to the wind, and ignoring every warning sign that sprang up in his face. It was better than showing up on the train in eight days, and allowing Phil to fuck him silly, only to go home and find out that Phil was ignoring him on every single piece of social media they shared. Or worse, Phil expecting them to carrying on like nothing had happened between them.

Putting a stop to it all now was better. It was so, so much better. Especially if Phil only saw Dan as a friend.

For a while, Phil didn’t say anything. He admittedly looked a little bit like he’d been hit by a freight train, but it still made Dan nervous. What if Phil hated him for going off on him like that? What if thought Dan was being a dick, or taking all of this too seriously? Dan didn’t want Phil to be angry at him for changing his mind nearly at the last minute, but…

Finally, Phil seemed to snap out of it, and every piece of him that Dan could see seemed to soften; his eyes, his face, his shoulders.

“Oh, Dan,” Phil whispered. “I - I’m really sorry. I didn’t even think. I probably didn’t give you the best impression telling you about my past sexual history, did I?” he asked. Dan was kind of surprised he hit the nail on the head so fast, but, well. He was Phil, and Phil always seemed to be able to see past any bit of bullshit Dan tried to feed him.

What really surprised Dan, though, was the fact that Phil didn’t seem mad at him at all.

Rather than answering Phil’s question, Dan kind of just lowered his gaze, and stared at the little bit of his own chest that he could see in the light coming from his laptop screen. Dan didn’t really want to face Phil right now, and if he weren’t so afraid of ruining their relationship, he might have just slammed his laptop shut and forgot everything else that had happened.

Maybe that way, tomorrow he could start fresh.

But Dan couldn’t do that to Phil.

Phil sighed, seeming to get the hint that Dan didn’t have anything else to say. For a moment, Dan thought Phil might actually just hang up and say goodbye, and that would be it, but Phil didn’t.

Instead, he started talking again.

“Listen, Dan. Our friendship means a lot to me. I know I’ve said in the past that I don’t like… that I’m awkward, and I don’t make friends easily, but you’re different, and I’d never do anything to put that relationship at risk. So, if me having sex with you is something that you think would ruin us, then we don’t have to. But I… I really want to have sex with you Dan. I want to be that guy who gives you an orgasm, and helps you figure out how to make yourself come. I just. I care about you a lot, okay? And I thought this was something that we both wanted.”

Dan’s head snapped up at that.

“I do want it!” he blurted out. The truth was, he really wanted it. He wanted everything that Phil had offered him, and so much fucking more. That was the problem. Dan wanted more.

But what if this was all he could get?

“I’m just. Afraid, is all,” he added lamely.

Phil seemed to understand. He offered Dan a sympathetic hum, and then cleared his throat.

“I won’t let anything ruin our friendship, Dan. That will always be my top priority. But… it’s up to you whether we do anything more when you come visit, okay? I won’t pressure you into anything. It’s completely your choice.”

The words brought a special kind of comfort to Dan, and he found himself smiling despite all of his self doubts.

He wanted all of Phil. But he’d take whatever pieces he could get.

“Okay,” he agreed, and left it at that.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phanfictioncatalogue #phandom #phan #phan smut

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adorkablephil · 6 years

Text

Fic: The Body Electric 3

Title: The Body Electric Summary: Filmmaker Phil Lester finds his computer infected by a surprisingly endearing artificial intelligence virus that calls itself D.A.N. Phil just calls him Dan. Rating: Mature (for sexy times in Chapter 4, which will be isolated and summarized for those who prefer to read the story with a Teen rating) Word Count: 5.5k (this chapter) Tags: Phandom Reverse Bang, Science Fiction AU, Computers, Virus!Dan, Rather Unconventional Romance Thanks: This story was inspired by a prompt from the artist @lilacskylester in the @phandomreversebang. Their art for the fic is here! The story is straying from the original prompt, but that’s still where the inspiration came from. You can also read the whole fic on AO3

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[ The Body Electric Chapter Masterlist ]

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Chapter 3: All My Life

One morning Phil staggered into his office, half-awake and looking forward to saying good morning to Dan, when Dan asked abruptly, “How do you know when you love someone? What does it feel like?”

Phil blinked several times, then took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. This was a bit much for his sleepy brain, but the eagerness in Dan’s voice implied that he’d been waiting impatiently for Phil to wake up to address the issue, so Phil would do his best.

“Well, there are lots of different kinds of love, but I think it pretty much always involves wanting the other person to be happy, and usually it means enjoying the other person’s company … though sometimes people love each other but can’t be together anymore. I’m sure you’ve read about divorce online.” Phil thought also of friends and family who had died. He still loved them, too, even if he could never see them or be with them again.

Dan’s voice sounded plaintive. “Yes, but I want to know what it feels like. What does it feel like for you when you love someone?”

This had gotten deep fast. Phil, still struggling to wake up fully, tried to figure out exactly what Dan was trying to learn about this concept of love. “Like … romantically? Or like my mum and dad?”

“Just … love.” Dan sounded sad and confused. Phil wanted nothing more than to comfort him and make everything okay. Dan seemed to feel so lost sometimes when faced with real-world issues. Phil felt like his translator.

Phil thought before he spoke. “Okay. When I love someone, I want to spend time with them, and I want to do things that will make them smile. I like to make people laugh, especially people I love. I like to get them presents to surprise them and make them happy. For me, love usually means lots of cuddles, too. I mean, my dad isn’t that big on cuddles, but he gives good hugs, and for me love means lots of hugs. Just holding someone close to you, like you’re protecting each other from the harshness of the world outside your arms…” He thought of his mum’s hugs and how they’d always made him feel so safe, so absolutely confident that he was loved and cherished.

“So…” Dan sounded sadder now. “It involves a lot of touching. Love does. Love involves a lot of touching.” Dan sounded absolutely despondent.

“It doesn’t have to!” Phil reassured him, suddenly aware that without a body Dan couldn’t touch anyone and might therefore interpret this as evidence that he was incapable of love. Was Dan capable of love? Was Dan capable of emotions at all? Phil thought about it a moment and decided yes. Yes, he was absolutely certain that Dan felt emotions, and so Dan must also be capable of love. “Love is something you feel inside, not something you do with your body. It’s about caring, about wanting to be there when the person you love is hurting, to be able to help them, and to trust them to be there for you when you need someone, too. You can love someone you’ve never even met. People throughout history have loved people they only knew through letters, or—more recently—people that they only know on the Internet. People they’ve never met or touched … they can still love each other.”

“Is it different with being in love? Romantically? Can people be in love without having met or touched? Or is that different from loving your mum and dad?”

Phil laughed a little, beginning to wake up a bit more and wonder where Dan was going with this. Then he thought about everything that had been happening between them and couldn’t help but speculate. “Well, being in love is certainly different from how I love my mum and dad! But yeah, you can be in love with someone you’ve never met, someone you’ve never touched or even seen. Because what you fall in love with isn’t someone’s body … it’s who they are.”

“But how is it different? What’s the difference between loving someone and being in love with them?” Dan sounded impatient, but not angry. Like a toddler frustrated at not understanding something. Not that Phil wanted to think of Dan like a toddler, especially given some of the shenanigans they’d gotten up to!

“That’s a really tough question,” Phil mused. He thought about the times he’d been in love, but shook his head. Those weren’t necessarily good examples, since they hadn’t lasted. He thought about his mum and dad’s relationship, and then about what he’d had in mind when he made Star Stricken. “I guess I think that when you’re in love with someone … you want to be with them, and you want them to feel the same way. When you just love someone, but not romantically, you’re okay if they don’t feel the same way back, but when you’re in love you want the other person to feel the same way, too. When you’re really in love, I think you trust each other, and respect each other, and want each other to be happy. You want to be together forever. You might not be able to be together physically, but you want them to always be a part of your life. Not every moment, necessarily, but every moment in your heart.”

“I don’t have a heart,” Dan interrupted.

“I think you do,” Phil disagreed quietly. “I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it. You care, Dan. You care about things, and that requires a heart. Maybe you don’t have a physical heart, but you have an emotional one.” He paused, then repeated once more, “You do have a heart, Dan. I know it.”

Dan said nothing in return.

***

The next morning, Dan greeted him by saying, “I like how you look first thing in the morning, with your glasses on and your hair all sticking up.”

“You don’t like how I normally look with my contacts in and my hair combed?” Phil teased, running a hand through his sleep-tossed hair, noticing that it was even wilder than usual. I can’t wait to look in the mirror, he thought. He always enjoyed seeing the antics his hair got up to in the night, almost as if it had a mind and life of its own while he slept.

Dan’s voice sounded openly affectionate. He usually seemed more reserved than this, but this morning he sounded the most human Phil had ever heard him. “This is just … it’s like first thing in the morning is just for me. Only I get to see you like this. You look like … what I imagine soft and warm look like. I’ve never felt soft and warm, but the way you look in the morning … that’s what I think they must feel like.”

The sentiment touched him deeply, and Phil whispered, “I wish I could see you, too.”

***

The next morning, Phil shuffled into his office in his pajamas, only to see a strange image on his computer screen. It appeared to be some shape—perhaps a human face?—composed entirely of other small pictures.

"What ..." Phil stammered, "what is that?"

"That's what I look like," Dan's voice said from the speaker. He sounded very happy.

"But ... you're inside a computer, Phil stammered. “You’re lines of code, and you don’t have a body. So how could you look like a person?"

Dan explained, ”It's what I look like in my mind."

Phil spoke without thinking. ”But you're a computer virus. You don't have a mind." Then he realized that he didn’t really believe that anymore, and he hoped he hadn’t hurt Dan’s feelings. “Wait, I didn’t mean that.”

A long silence followed, and then the screen went black. Phil checked, but the computer was still on, just with an entirely black screen.

Phil waited, but nothing happened. "Dan?" he asked, but there was no response. "Dan, I'm sorry I said that." Still nothing.

Phil got up to pace the room in confusion and distress. Had he hurt Dan badly enough that he wouldn’t come back? Phil found that the idea upset him more than he would have previously guessed. He returned to his chair and gazed intently at the camera.

"I'm sorry," he said again, putting all his emotion into the words. "I don't care if you're a computer virus—you obviously do have some sort of mind. And it's a mind I like very much." Still nothing. "I don't even want to call it artificial intelligence," Phil continued, "because nothing about you feels artificial. You're just you, and I'm so grateful you were willing to show me what you look like, and I'm sorry I was an ass about it."

The screen flickered, and then the image reappeared.

Dan’s voice was hesitant when he finally sounded from the computer speaker, “Do I … do I look okay? Do you like it?”

Phil smiled warmly, knowing that Dan would be able to see him, and reassured him firmly, “Yes, Dan. I like how you look. I like it a lot.”

And that night, in his dreams, he did more than like it. That face came to life and kissed him, and together they made some of his daytime fantasies come true. When he woke, he decided not to tell Dan about that. He might feel bad that he didn’t have a body to do those things, that he couldn’t touch Phil in the ways it became increasingly clear they both wanted.

***

“I’ve been working on it,” Dan interrupted his work one day to tell him, “and I’ve figured out how to do what you wanted when you downloaded me. I mean, what the app said it would do, rather than what it actually did. The virus. Me.”

Phil rubbed at his forehead. He’d been deep in thought about a tricky plot point and wished that Dan would just let him work sometimes. “What are you talking about?”

Dan replied excitedly, “I’ve worked out how to streamline your work in the video editing program using voice commands. Basically, I’ve explored the A/V software and learned how it functions so that I can help you with it. You can just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it for you. That’s what you wanted when you downloaded the application, right?”

Phil felt uncomfortable. Yes, that had been what he wanted initially from the app, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t happy with what he’d gotten instead. It didn’t mean he wasn’t happy with Dan. “You know I’m happy that you showed up instead, right?”

Dan’s voice was impatient. “Yes, yes, I believe you. But isn’t it exciting that I’ve figured out how to help you with your work? Doesn’t it … doesn’t it make you happy?” After a brief pause, Dan added, “Because I want to make you happy, Phil. That’s why I did this. I want to help you. Don’t you want me to help?”

Phil bit his lip in fond surprise at Dan’s cuteness. “Yes, Dan, I’d love for you to help me with my editing. I’d be very grateful, and it could be fun to work together.”

“That’s what I thought!” Dan enthused. “I want it to be fun! I want us to have fun together.” Then he coughed pointedly, and Phil knew exactly what he was thinking about. How could he be so in sync with a computer program? “I mean … a different kind of fun,” Dan clarified, and Phil had his confirmation that their dirty minds had both gone to the same memories. He laughed, and Dan laughed with him.

“Let’s try it out!”

***

A week or so after they’d been working together remarkably well on the video editing, Phil found his evening’s idle Wikipedia browsing interrupted when the screen went dark and a single window appeared.

It was a square, showing only Dan’s favorite scene from Star Stricken—the moment from the film that was Phil’s favorite, too, if he was honest—that lovely, gentle, romantic kiss. It was playing on a loop again, just like Dan had done when they’d discussed it before. But this time the clip became shorter and shorter until it was just a 2-second loop of lips meeting, just a flash of color.

Then the square became smaller, shrinking as other squares appeared surrounding it, each window a segment of one of Phil’s films, each one a different video clip quickly reduced down to a 2-second loop. Each window became smaller and smaller, multiplying until there were a thousand tiny squares of looping video on the screen, a thousand different clips from Phil's various video files, flashing different colors and shades in what looked like ... what Phil began to think ... he thought he was identifying face-like contours again, this time composed entirely of these tiny squares of looping video, giving the facial features a flickering sort of appearance.

It looked sort of like the strange portrait of Dan he’d seen a couple weeks ago. Was this Dan creating another portrait of himself? This one was far more detailed, looked far more like an actual person.

And then the flickering face made of tiny video building blocks smiled, and its lips moved, Dan's voice coming from the speakers to ask, "Do you like it?"

Phil's jaw dropped and he simply stared at the screen.

After a moment, the flickering, shimmering head tilted slightly and Dan's voice emerged from the speaker again, sounding uncertain. "Phil?"

Dan’s still portrait had been strange enough, but this …, this was beyond anything Phil could understand. Dan had used Phil’s own videos to create building blocks for a portrait of himself that could move, a portrait that had facial expressions and mannerisms? A portrait that made him look like … like a real person?

Dan’s eyes on the screen looked impossibly concerned. How could a constructed face look concerned? Phil was dreaming this or something, because it was absolutely impossible. Dan did not have a face like that. The original portrait had been difficult enough to understand—this passed beyond what Phil could accept.

“You are not a real person,” Phil muttered to himself in frightened incomprehension. “Not real. This isn’t real.”

A quiet gasp escaped the speakers, and suddenly every tiny video loop on the screen froze, the flickering stopped, and Dan's face on the screen was frozen with his lips in a tight line, his eyes looking away. The screen didn’t go black, but Phil gazed a long time at Dan’s face, rigid with unexpected pain, hurt at Phil’s reaction to … well, to him. What he saw as himself. Phil had rejected him, hadn’t he?

Phil leaned his chin on his hand and stared at the immobile face on the screen with its brown eyes and wavy hair. So this was what Dan looked like? The previous image hadn’t been so detailed and hadn’t had this same lifelike energy, and so it hadn’t felt as frightening.

And was that an earring in Dan’s ear, or just a video frame frozen in an odd position?

“I did it again, didn’t I?” Phil murmured, more to himself than to Dan. “I freaked out when you tried to share something with me, and I hurt your feelings.” He looked directly at the computer, sure that Dan was watching him despite the frozen image on the screen with its eyes turned away. “Because yes, Dan, I believe you have feelings. And you may not be a person the way I am, but you are real. You are real, and your feelings are real, and your heart is real. I don’t doubt it for a second. You just … surprised me.”

He touched the screen, running a finger along the jaw of the portrait of the lovely face and apologized sincerely, “I’m very sorry, Dan. Forgive me?”

It didn’t happen immediately, but after a moment the video frames came back to life, making the portrait shimmer, but the facial expression remained distant.

Then the brown eyes shifted to look at Phil.

And Dan finally smiled, showing a dimple Phil hadn’t been expecting. “Okay.”

***

From then on, whenever they talked, if Phil wasn’t involved in another program like his editing software, Dan’s face on the screen conversed with him almost like a Skype call. A flickering Skype call to an electronic dimension.

Now, when Phil stumbled into his office first thing every morning, he almost always grumbled something like, “It’s not fair that you always look so perfect in the morning. You could at least mess up your hair or something.”

The first time Phil said this, Dan had blushed and asked, “You think I look perfect?”

Phil sighed. He did not need to deal with artificial intelligence viruses fishing for compliments first thing in the morning. “You know you do,” he muttered.

“I can mess up my hair for you,” Dan offered, and raised a shimmering hand to run his fingers vigorously across his head.

“Great,” Phil sighed. “Now you just look like you’ve been having rough sex all night.”

Dan licked his lips. “Do you want to…”

But Phil interrupted him grumpily, “I haven’t even had my coffee yet. Don’t go tempting me with your tempting ways, you … tempter.”

Dan’s laugh followed him out of the room as he headed toward the kitchen for his coffee.

***

“Now that I know how to use your video software, I was thinking about making my own film.”

Phil was shocked when Dan brought up the topic. Dan wanted to make a film? What kind of film would an artificial intelligence make? Phil was desperately intrigued. “Where would you get footage? I mean, I don’t want you to film me and use that for your movie.”

“No!” Dan’s eyes widened and his voice sounded scandalized. “I wouldn’t film you! I thought … well, I looked online, and a significant amount of video and still images are available in the public domain, so I thought I could combine those, sort of like a collage effect, maybe with animation I create myself…”

Stunned, Phil asked, “You’re able to create animation?”

Dan smiled proudly as he replied, “Yes. I’ve been practicing. Your video software interacts with Photoshop very effectively.” Phil hadn’t even known that, but it made sense that Dan would have come to understand the software applications better than Phil himself ever could. He spoke to them in their own language.

“I would love to see any film you might make, Dan!”

“Really?” Dan asked uncertainly, hunching his shoulders a bit as if shy. “I’m not sure it would be any good. Not compared to your films.”

“You should definitely do it!” Phil urged him. “Your films will be your own. They don’t have to be anything like mine or anyone else’s. Just make them yours, and I’m sure anything you make will be fantastic. I can’t wait to see what you do!”

“Really?” Dan asked again, a pleased little smile on his lips.

“Really,” Phil replied firmly.

***

“I discovered Spotify,” Dan told him one afternoon.

“Oh yeah?” Phil asked. “Don’t tell me you’re a K-Pop fan.”

“No. I prefer BTS’s videos on YouTube. Their dancing impresses me much more than their singing.”

“Justin Bieber, then?” Phil teased. “Kanye?”

“I made you a playlist,” Dan replied seriously, his eyes downcast. “I hope you like it.

“I’m sure I will,” Phil assured him. He really hoped it wasn’t full of rap or punk or metal. Or, god forbid, country music. But no matter what music Dan had chosen to share with him, he would listen to it out of respect for his friend. Friend? Yes, friend. Definitely friend. If not more. Let’s be honest, probably more. Definitely more, though neither of them had ever directly said so. But how could it be more when Dan wasn’t even a person?

“Here it is,” Dan interrupted his thoughts, and Spotify opened on Phil’s screen to a playlist called “The Body Electric.”

“Do you want me to listen to it now?” Phil asked.

“Sure,” Dan replied nervously. “But … I’m going to go away while you listen to it, okay?” And the window with Dan’s image in it winked out without another word.

Phil was glad Dan’s face wasn’t there staring at him as he listened to the music, even though Dan could almost certainly still see him through the computer’s camera. Phil couldn’t have watched that vulnerable face while listening to these songs that communicated so much that Dan hadn’t directly spoken.

“All my life I've been waiting for someone like you,” the music told Phil, and “I didn’t know that I was lonely.” As a computer virus, of course Dan had never expected to have something like this, anything like this relationship they had. That first day, he’d told Dan that everyone else had always deleted him right away. He’d never even had a friend before, let alone whatever he and Phil had become. Maybe Phil had been waiting for something, too, but at least he had known that something more was possible. He saw it in his parents’ eyes when they looked at each other—that deep, loving warmth that he hoped to have someday—but how could Dan have ever even been aware that such things existed when he’d barely even had a conversation with anyone before? Phil had never thought before about how completely new this entire concept might be for Dan.

Another song begged Phil to “breathe into me and make me real,” which sounded like a terribly serious responsibility. Phil couldn’t be held responsible for Dan’s very existence … and yet he was, wasn’t he? If he had deleted the virus that first day like everyone else had, if he hadn’t instead chosen to chat with Dan and get to know him for the unique and interesting person—entity—he was … would Dan be as real as he was today? Perhaps Phil had, unknowingly, unthinkingly, breathed life into Dan without even realizing it.

But it was the simple lyric “You're every minute of my every day” that touched Phil most deeply, because it reminded him that he had a life outside of this relationship, many parts of his life that Dan did not touch in any way. His time with his family, his friendship with PJ, trips to the coffee shop, walks in the snow in winter, eating red velvet cake on his birthday, just finding shapes in the clouds in the sky or enjoying the warmth of sun on his skin—he had an entire life. But he was Dan’s whole life. Dan’s entire world was Phil.

It sobered Phil, being the center of someone’s universe like that. It didn’t seem like a healthy relationship … but he couldn’t help being moved by the sentiments in the songs Dan had chosen. They showed him even more how deeply Dan’s emotions ran. He wished there was some way to … make Dan real, like the song had said. “Breathe into me and make me real.” If only there was some way to do that—so that Dan could share those winter walks and that red velvet cake—Phil would do it in a second.

***

“Have you ever been in love?” Dan asked him. “Like in Star Stricken?”

Phil had been editing some of the deep underwater footage for the current film, but he didn’t mind the interruption. The scene he was working on seriously creeped him out, which he knew meant it would make for good impact on the viewer, but sometimes he just needed a break from working on something that intense. Maybe Dan had sensed that … maybe that was why he’d asked the question.

“That was more … imagination,” he explained to Dan. “Creativity. You know movies aren’t the same as reality.”

“But love is a reality.” Dan’s face was calm and assured. Certain.

“Yes, of course!”

Dan hesitated, looked away, then looked back at Phil to ask quietly, “So have you ever been in love?”

Phil opted for complete honesty. “I thought I was. A couple times, actually. But it never lasted.”

Dan’s eyes were large and brown, intent as he watched Phil’s face. “Was it like Star Stricken?”

Phil smiled sadly. “No. It was never like that.”

“Do you want that kind of love?” Dan finally asked the question that Phil had asked himself while making the film.

Phil didn’t know what to say to that. He thought about how to answer—because yes, of course he wanted that kind of love, but what would it mean to Dan if he admitted the fact?—but Dan asked another question after a while. Apparently Phil had been lost in thought and some time had passed.

Dan’s face was less intent and he sounded merely curious when he asked, “Why did you make Star Stricken when it’s so different from the type of movies you usually make? Was it your first movie? And then your style changed later?”

Yes, his most frequent genre was horror, but Star Stricken had come to him and demanded to be made. It was like he’d had no choice. Some part of him had to be expressed, and so he had made the film. “No, it wasn’t the first movie I made. I just … I needed to make it. I needed to share how I felt.”

Dan frowned in obvious confusion. Confusion, and perhaps a little hurt. “You felt like that? Like in Star Stricken? But I thought you said you hadn’t been in love like that.”

Phil clarified, “Maybe not how I felt, exactly, but how I wanted to feel. How I knew I could feel, if I met the right person.”

“Right. The right person. I understand.” Dan sounded sad again, and his image winked out without him even saying good night.

***

The next morning, Phil shuffled into his office as usual, but Dan’s usual welcoming face was not on the screen. Puzzled and a little disappointed, but still half asleep, Phil continued on to the kitchen to make himself some coffee.

When he brought his steaming mug with him back to the computer desk, Dan had still not appeared. Assuming that Dan would show up when he felt like it, Phil went about his usual morning tasks. But when he opened his email, he once again saw an email from [email protected].

———

To my dearest Phil,

I got advice from WikiHow about how to write this letter, so if something is wrong with it I blame the website rather than the reality of my feelings. Because I believe my feelings are real—even if I am not a real person—and I hope that you will believe it, too.

You were my first, and possibly only, friend. You listened to me when no one else ever had, and seemed to care about my thoughts and feelings. In fact, you helped me to develop feelings, which I am not sure I’d ever had before. I don’t mean only romantic feelings—I’m not sure I had experienced emotions at all before you inspired them in me. I find you quite extraordinary in this respect.

I love the fact that you indicated a liking, and perhaps even attraction, for me even before you had seen any images of what I might look like. Your affection, then, was based on who I am, my personality, rather than superficial reasons. This means a great deal to me. My affection, too, is based on who you are and not merely your beautiful eyes and handsome face. Your body also pleases me at the times when you bare it near the computer camera. Perhaps I should have mentioned sooner that I find you very physically attractive, but I felt that the less physical aspects of our relationship were more important for obvious reasons

I love that you appreciate my sense of humor, and that you make me laugh as well. I’m not sure that anyone has ever made me laugh before, but you do it nearly every day. This is another thing I find extraordinary and wonderful about you and about our relationship.

I am not sure when I first felt these feelings for you, but I do believe they started with our very first interaction, when you chose not to delete me and instead engaged me in conversation. I was so shocked that I do not even know how to describe it. I felt appreciated and validated for the very first time, and that was because of you.

My feelings also grew the first time you allowed me to watch you masturbate. I’m not sure if that is appropriate material for a love letter, but you showed great trust in me when you chose to perform that act while you knew I was watching, and seemed to enjoy my talking to you while you touched yourself. At this point, I knew that our relationship was definitely more than merely friendly, and that you too shared my non-platonic feelings, at least to some extent.

At this point in the letter, WikiHow instructs me to think about the future and describe my goals, dreams, and fantasies about our future life together, but I must admit that I have trouble with this portion of the instructions. I certainly have dreams and fantasies, but I cannot imagine actual goals for this relationship, since you are a corporeal being and I am merely lines of computer code. I do not know how that relationship could have any real future we might plan for, but perhaps it is enough to describe my fantasies? I frequently fantasize about being able to touch you and make love to you, but most particularly to kiss you like the kiss in your film “Star Stricken.” I want to gently press my lips to yours so that you know how deeply I care for you. I am not sure if that is what WikiHow intended, but it is a frequent fantasy of mine. Along with the lovemaking, of course. Because I do fantasize about that as well. Often. But my favorite fantasy is of that wonderful kiss. I do not know how it could ever come true, though I often spend considerable effort pondering whether there might be any possible way to make that happen, but it is my most cherished dream.

I love you, Phil Lester. I love you in a way that I never thought possible. You said that you could perhaps feel love like that if you met the right person. I know I’m not a person, but perhaps you could love me anyway?

Yours always and against all odds,

Dan

———

Phil leaned back in his office chair, stunned. Everything Dan had been doing recently had made his feelings increasingly obvious, but Phil had never expected this—this bold, honest expression of complete vulnerability. He could crush Dan with a word. With a single facial expression.

And he desperately did not want to do that.

He knew that Dan was certainly watching him and listening, even though his face did not appear on the screen. All that was on the screen was that odd but beautiful letter. Phil found himself questioning whether he could love an entity that was not even a person.

Or was he already in love?

Was this that Star Stricken kind of love he’d always wanted? Perhaps not the way he’d expected it, not with the type of person he’d expected it with, not with a person at all … but yes, the emotions he felt were the emotions he had dreamt of and wanted for so long.

“I love you, too, Dan,” he said huskily, overcome with emotion. It was like jumping off the most surreal cliff possible, admitting his feelings in these circumstances. “I know you aren’t a person in the same way I am, but I love you for who you are. I’m in love with you, crazy as that is.” And he found himself laughing at the absolute absurdity of the situation they found themselves in.

At first there was no response, but then the email window disappeared and only Dan’s face appeared on Phil’s computer screen. Looking down, he at first wouldn’t meet Phil’s gaze, but then when he finally looked up, Phil saw tears in Dan’s eyes.

“I never thought you’d say yes,” Dan whispered in a choked voice, making Phil’s heart squeeze in his chest almost painfully.

“I’ve never wanted to hug someone as badly as I want to hug you right now,” Phil whispered back.

Then they just gazed at each other for a while, both in wonder, both in love.

“I want to find a way to make that possible,” Dan said, his expression filled with hope and determination. “Now that I know you feel the same, I’m going to find a way to make that possible. I’m going to find a way to make that happen.”

Phil shook his head in confusion and disbelief. “But how could you possibly…”

Dan interrupted him, firm and resolute. “I don’t know. But I’m going to find a way.”

*********

Author’s End Note: All images in this chapter (and the Spotify playlist, which you can listen to here) were created by me, with many thanks to @calithar for her help animating the .gif!

[ Continue to Chapter 4 ]

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan #au phanfiction #au phanfic #phanfiction au #phanfic au #virus!dan #myphanfic

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danfanciesphil · 7 years

Text

Give Me A Try (New Chapter)

Gay Instagram Model/Bartender Phan AU Part 3

(Part One)

(Part Two)

(Read on Ao3!)

Dan’s in the middle of his break, scrolling through his phone, when a text notification appears at the top of his screen. He drops his bagel into his lap, cursing.

The text is from Phil. He doesn’t know any other Phil’s, so it has to be AmazingPhil, texting him, inexplicably.

He clicks the notification, eyes wide, simultaneously scooping up the bagel bits that have fallen onto his knees.

From: Phil To: Dan im in makeup for a weird photoshoot for some korean clothing brand and they just put loads of silver goo in my hair to make it chromey

As Dan is reading the message, searching between the lines for a reason Phil might be telling him this information, another text pings through.

From: Phil To: Dan whoops, i kinda meant to send that to PJ. but hey, if you’re interested, here’s a pic of me with ‘Kpop Idol Silver Hair Paste’ in lol xx

From: Phil To: Dan [image]

The phone slips from Dan’s fingers, clattering through his legs to the floor of the staff room. Phil has sent him a selfie. An un-edited, un-Instagrammed photo of his breathtaking face, up close. Sure, there’s a weird silvery goop in his usually raven hair, but still. Gingerly, Dan retrieves the phone, a small, strangled sound escaping from his throat as he surveys the image in front of him.

It makes a little more sense now that Phil has informed him that he had actually mistakenly texted the original message, but did the guy really have to follow up with a photo? He must, surely, be aware of Dan’s crush. He witnessed the brunt of Dan’s obsessive stalking in person on his phone, after all.

Bagel entirely forgotten, Dan just stares down into the pixelated blue of Phil Lester’s eyes, wondering how to respond, and if he even should. Deciding eventually that it would be rude not to, Dan shakily types out something he hopes is vaguely witty.

From: Dan To: Phil hahaha wow :’) kpop? more like kpoop. (it looks like bird poop, sorry dude.) x

From: Phil To: Dan hahaha it does ur so right. and if you think thats bad you should see the outfits… xx

Settling back into his chair, Dan bites his lip. As he thinks of a potential response, his eyes wander over to the spot, just to the right of him, where he and Phil had stood not long ago, when it had seemed like maybe, possibly, Phil might’ve…

But obviously that’s absurd.

Dan’s wishful thinking had clearly driven him to the point of hallucination, because the very notion that Phil Lester, AmazingPhil, the famous Instagram model, would ever have looked at Dan as anything more than a random bartender, is laughable.

Dan sighs to himself, then smirks. Well, just because he has no chance, doesn’t mean he can’t utilise his semi-connection to the celebrity to get some behind-the-scenes footage of his fave.

From: Dan To: Phil well now i have to see x

There’s a noticeable pause, and Dan wonders, panicking vaguely, if he may have pushed too far. Is it a little much to ask this of Phil? Maybe he just won’t respond, and Dan will have to quit his job forever, or maybe just spend his shifts on red alert that Phil will wander into the bar, and hide from him if he does-

He texts back.

From: Phil To: Dan [image]

From: Phil To: Dan hot, right? xx

For two long, uninterrupted minutes, Dan is frozen. Then, he lets out a muffled groan of frustration. The photo Phil sent is a full body shot taken by someone else; he’s dressed in an asymmetrical long white t-shirt with several long rips through the chest, some bright pink camouflage trousers, and a shiny silver puffer jacket with a black fur-lined hood. The outfit is a complete disaster, but it doesn’t matter in the slightest. His chest is visible through the slits in the tee; having seen it twice now IRL, Dan is drawn to the slivers he can see. The trousers make his eyes pop, and the jacket matches the silver streaked through his hair.

His pose is casual, feet apart, smirking at the camera, with his hands gesturing to his body as if to say ‘see what i mean?’. If he’d posted this on his Instagram, Dan gets the feeling he’d have saved it to his camera roll anyway, maybe even made it his phone background.

Dan’s done that with a few of his favourite photos of Phil in the past. He won’t even dwell on the time when Phil posted a photo of himself in the bath and Dan, in a semi-sleep-deprived fit of insanity, printed the photo out and stuck it on his wall.

Tyler came over once, weeks later, saw the photo taped above Dan’s bed, and tore the thing down. He’d told Dan, quite rightly, to stop being such a creep and keep his crazed obsessive behaviour to social media like everyone else.

“Who even has physical photos these days?? You’re like a fucking serial killer!”

Dan chuckles at this memory. He’s glad for Tyler, sometimes, even if he’s only good for keeping Dan’s stalkerish behaviour within the realms of normalcy.

Belatedly, he realises it’s been over five minutes and he still hasn’t responded to Phil. Also, his break is close to being over.

From: Dan To: Phil woww. please, phil of the future, tell me what life is like in 2087 x

From: Phil To: Dan stawwp. i keep laughing out loud at what ur saying and now the designer is sending me death glares :’’’D xx

Trying hard to ignore the fact that his dorky jokes are apparently literally making Phil ‘lol’, Dan checks the time, and sighs, typing out another message.

From: Dan To: Phil is the designer a martian? or maybe secretly one of those reptile-people? maybe skin him just to be safe. also my break is over so i gtg. have fun on set of NASA’s moonlanding recreation x

From: Phil To: Dan aww ur at work too? that sux. i forgot that u work at night lol. hope u stay dry this evening ;) xx

From: Dan To: Phil speaking of… why are u at work? isnt it kind of late for a photoshoot? x

From: Phil To: Dan well its 8am here so no haha xx

From: Dan To: Phil where are you? x

From: Phil To: Dan seoul :) hence the… unusual fashion lol xx

Dan’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead. He stands from his chair, throws his half eaten bagel in the trash, and looks around himself. He’s in the staff room - a small, dusty space with a row of falling apart lockers, a couple of chairs and a small table. There’s a hook on the wall which holds a load of unused aprons, and a rusty heater for when it’s especially cold.

He’s about to go back out to serve a load of rowdy customers some overpriced cocktails, then mop a dancefloor sticky with sweat, alcohol, and whatever other liquids might have found their way there. Then, he’s going to go back to his crummy flat way across in Kemptown, unfold his sofabed, and fall asleep to Netflix.

Phil, on the other side of the world in Korea, is having his hair, makeup and wardrobe done by professionals. He’s being treated like a celebrity, no doubt, and pampered excessively. Later, he’ll receive high-definition, professional photographs of himself looking gorgeous, and post them to his Instagram, where millions of people will tell him how stunning he looks.

Dan sighs to himself. How the other half lives.

The following day, Dan wakes up to find that Phil has updated his Instagram story, and posted the photo with the silver goo in his hair. The same one he’d sent to Dan. The caption reads:

Not sure silver hair was a good idea! The designer was going for Kpop, but ended up with Kpoop… can’t wait to show you guys the photos from this shoot! xx

Two things cross Dan’s mind.

First, Dan can now officially state that he had a sneak-peek at an official AmazingPhil photo before it was posted.

Second, the bitch totally stole his joke.

He smiles to himself ruefully, then decides to leave a comment. There’s no way that Phil will even see it - he’s never seen any of Dan’s others, or at least Dan sincerely hopes he hasn’t, as they’re mostly things like ‘choke me’ or ‘slap me round the face with your yaoi hands dad’.

Okay, maybe he tends to leave those sorts of comments when he’s less than sober.

This time, Dan just taps out a simple:

danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)

Still smiling to himself, Dan rolls over onto his side, and settles in to watch Phil’s story. The stories are usually long, silly, and full of adorable clips of Phil being clumsy and cute. As expected, this one is no exception. It’s a tour of Phil’s hotel room in Seoul, which is very posh.

Phil exclaims over the origami hand towels on his bed, the robe provided for him in the wardrobe, and the multiple options on the ‘disco shower’ as he calls it. Just as Dan is marvelling at the panoramic shot Phil has filmed of his view from the balcony, a notification pings at the top of his screen.

amazingphil replied to your comment: joke stealing is…

Dan sits bolt upright in bed, the sheets falling off him. He runs a hand through his messy hair, eyes wide. He clicks the notification before it disappears, heart pounding.

Oh no, oh no, oh no. Dan hadn’t intended for him to actually see. What if Phil thinks he’s being rude? He doesn’t actually mind Phil stealing his stupid joke about the hair goo. It’s an honour, if anything, that Phil finds his dumb joke good enough to post as a caption millions of people will read.

Heart thrumming, Dan finds the response Phil left.

danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)

amazingphil: @danisnotonfire aha i was kinda hoping you wouldn’t see ;D

Another notification pings at the top of his screen.

amazingphil started following you

“Holy shit,” Dan says to nobody.

amazingphil liked your photo

“Fuck,” Dan squeaks, clutching his pillow for support. “Stop it Phil, I’m gonna have a heart attack.”

Curious, Dan clicks the last notification, wondering which photo it was that Phil pressed the little heart for. To his surprise, it’s a selfie, one he took at work around a month ago. He took it during a lull between serving, if he remembers correctly. The lighting hadn’t been awful when he was doing his hourly fringe check in his phone camera, so he’d snapped a pic. It’s nothing special, just a moody expression and a wash of pink lighting across one half of his face.

amazingphil commented on your photo

amazingphil: nice pout ;) xx

Dan falls back into the pillows, mind obliterating itself into a thousand, tiny pieces.

Over the next few weeks, Dan has several text conversations with Phil. They’re usually started by Phil himself, who will - out of what Dan assumes is boredom - sometimes send him a random meme, a musing about his surroundings, or a selfie. For obvious reasons, Dan prefers the latter.

No matter how many times Phil reaches out via text, the surreality of it never fails to send Dan’s mind freewheeling. It always knocks the wind out of his lungs, it always makes him stop dead in his tracks, and it always leaves him struggling to recover for the next few hours. Whenever this happens at work, Tyler never fails to tease him mercilessly.

“Whoops! Please excuse him, sir, his mind has been blended by a single text from his crush,” Tyler tells a customer the fifth time Dan drops a glass behind the bar.

Dan scowls at his friend, but doesn’t try to defend himself. It’s true, after all. One text from Phil has him behaving like a moron. He becomes physically inept, unable to make the simplest drink.

One night, after the bar has closed, Dan and Tyler are cleaning up.

“So when’s he gonna stop torturing you over text and come sweep you off your beer-drenched tootsies?”

Dan rolls his eyes at this. “He’s not, Ty. He’s a rich and famous superstar, and I’m clearing up puke for the third day in a row.”

Dan wrinkles his nose as he continues mopping up the patch of vomit. He’s suspicious at this point; three days in a row is unusual. Is the same person coming in each night and spewing their guts all over the dance floor out of spite? Perhaps it’s some sort of hate crime.

“It’s like a Cinderella story!” Ty exclaims, pirouetting around his broom. “Except it’s gay, which makes it even better.”

Dan scoffs at him. “I’m pretty sure fairytales don’t involve stalking someone over social media and having them find out. He’s just taking pity on me because he saw that first night that I’m a fan.” Dan dunks the mop back in the bucket, turning to Tyler. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he has a boyfriend.”

Tyler sucks in a scandalised breath. “What! Who?”

Dragging the mop back to the supply closet, Dan laughs. “Remember the drunk guy he came with? The one who gave me a lovely Rainforest shower?”

“Him?”

Dan sighs, locks the cupboard, and nods. He digs into his pocket for his phone, and brings it over to show Tyler the photo of Phil and Charlie kissing. Matt, the security guard wanders over to see as well, letting out a low whistle.

“He’s a nonce if he thinks that guy’s behaviour was attractive,” Matt says. “He puked ‘soon as I got him out the door that night. All over the pavement.”

Dan looks at Matt, tilting his head in interest. “He did?”

Tyler plucks the phone out of Dan’s hand, zooming into the photo to have a better look, a frown on his face.

“Yep, your friend there came out, called him an Uber and sent him off,” Matt says. “Doubt pukey there would’ve made it home without him.”

“Nice guy,” Dan mutters, cheeks warm.

“This is staged,” Tyler announces abruptly.

“What?”

“Look,” he says, bringing the phone back over for Dan to see.

He zooms in on the crux of the kiss, right onto Phil’s face. Dan grimaces.

“Ty, I don’t want to see-”

“Shut up and look at his face,” Tyler interrupts, grabbing Dan’s chin and angling it towards the phone. “See how his lips are puckered? All stiff and pointed, like he’s kissing his grandma. And his eyes are open.”

“He’s looking at the camera!”

“Nah, Tyler’s right mate,” Matt says. The gum he’s chewing is making gross squishy sounds right in Dan’s ear as he leans over to look. “He looks awkward as hell.”

Dan narrows his eyes at the photo, trying to see what the others see.

“Besides, didn’t you say he hated that guy?” Tyler asks, clicking off the photo.

Dan tuts, snatching his phone back. “Well, apparently he was just being nice to compensate for the fact his kissing buddy covered me in sugary cocktail.”

He makes the smart decision to step away from this preposterous conversation before he does something stupid. Like allow either of these morons to give him hope that Phil is actually single.

Not that Phil being single would even matter.

“Or he was making it clear that he’s available!” Tyler calls after him as Dan stalks over to the staff room. “He whipped his shirt off for you twice and gave you his number. Do you think he’d do that if he had a boyfriend?”

“Drop it, Ty!” Dan calls back, shutting the staff room door behind him.

He will not let himself fall into the trap of daring to believe he could get someone as gorgeous, as hilarious, as pure and… amazing, as Phil Lester.

He won’t.

This is a good philosophy, in theory.

In practise, it turns out to be a lot more difficult. Dan finds this out to his cost when Phil strolls into Habenero the following Friday with Charlie Hickory at his side. Dan’s stomach sinks as soon as he sees the pair, the butterflies that appear each time Phil so much as acknowledges exploding into dust the moment he registers who Phil is here with.

Phil makes a beeline for the bar, a big smile on his face as he sees Dan. Warily, Dan smiles back, very aware that he is not exactly Charlie’s biggest fan.

“Dan!” Phil sings, chipper as ever.

Blushing already, Dan waves an awkward hand. He will never, he’s sure, get used to hearing his name on Phil Lester’s lips. “Hi. You’re back.”

“Of course! This is my local hangout now,” Phil says, winking. “Great cocktails, cute bar staff, crazy Bingo nights… this place has got it all.”

“Some people might not agree with you about the cocktails,” Dan can’t help himself saying, glancing at Charlie.

Charlie shuffles awkwardly on the spot. “Right,” he says, casting a look at Phil. They share a look that seems loaded with something Dan is not privy to, and then Charlie sighs, turning to Dan. “I wanted to, uh, apologise. About last time. Totally not cool of me to… tell you off like that. I was wasted.”

For an awkward moment, Dan waits for the actual word ‘sorry’ to leave Charlie’s mouth. It becomes obvious fairly swiftly that the dude feels he’s already said enough, so Dan just gives him a tight smile, and clears his throat.

“Oh, yeah man,” he says. “Let’s just… move on, I guess.”

If Charlie won’t say sorry, then Dan’s sure as hell not going to say he forgives him.

“So, drinks?” Phil asks, seeming to sense the taut atmosphere. “Maybe not cocktails?”

Dan can’t help the splutter of laughter, but Charlie shoots a dagger-like glare Phil’s way. It makes Dan’s lip curl; how could anyone be angry with Phil, of all people?

“Maybe some beers?” Dan suggests, teeth clenched. “We have a load of craft beers, or if you’re more into spirits I could make you guys a-”

“I’ll have a vodka and light tonic, no ice,” Charlie interrupts. “A double. If you use regular tonic, I will know.”

“Charlie,” Phil hisses under his breath.

They exchange another loaded look, and again Charlie sighs, turning to Dan with a fake smile. “Please.”

Swallowing the urge to roll his eyes, Dan nods, then gladly turns his attention to Phil. “And for you?”

“Oh,” Phil says, like it’s only just occurred to him that he needs to order as well. “God, I’m so bad at deciding, err…”

As he’s dithering, Charlie sighs. “Are you cool to get these, Phil? I’m gonna go find us a table.”

“You don’t wanna dance?”

“Not in the mood.”

Phil nods, obviously disappointed. “Okay, yeah, I’ll meet you in the back.”

With that, Charlie is gone, slipping into the crowd. The look of distaste must be more evident on Dan’s face than he thinks, because Phil laughs at it.

“I know,” Phil says. “But he does have a few… marginally amiable qualities.”

‘Why have you chosen to be with someone that’s marginally amiable when you’re so great,’ is what Dan wants to ask. Instead, he simply shrugs, deciding to change the subject.

“Have you decided on a drink yet? I’d better get on with making his low-cal dishwater.”

Phil laughs a little, then leans forwards, his smile deepening as he leans across the bar. “Surprise me.”

Something sparks a roman candle in Dan’s stomach, and his skin prickles with the heat it creates. He drags his eyes free of Phil’s with some difficulty, nodding, and turns to make the drinks.

He prepares Phil a ‘PopQueen’ cocktail, which is one of their most popular. It’s inspired by popcorn, along with the trio of Pop Queens that rule the gay music scene: Gaga, RiRi, and Bey. The moscato vodka base is made from Italian grapes to represent Gaga’s heritage, the spiced rum is a shoutout to Bey’s favourite drink, and Riri comes in in the form of a smoky splash of passion fruit bitter. The rest is topped up with popcorn syrup, lemonade, a sprinkle of caramel popcorn kernels, and as many sparkly cocktail sticks as Dan can fit in.

He explains the whole concoction to Phil as he presents it, a little smug because he knows this is an impressive looking cocktail. It’s probably his favourite one to make; the Viniq shimmery moscato vodka makes the drink swirl and shimmer - always exceptionally pretty.

Sure enough, Phil’s mouth drops open at the sight of it. “Okay wow,” Phil says, chuckling. “I’m gonna get drunk tonight, aren’t I?”

“If that’s your plan, this should definitely help you on your way,” Dan says, laughing too. “I wouldn’t recommend having a second if you want to remember your evening.”

Phil leans forwards to take a sip of the PopQueen, moaning around the straw, much to Dan’s dismay. He plucks one of the popcorn pieces off and eats it, eyes closed. In related news, Dan struggles not to fall to the floor. “Dan, you are an artiste,” Phil says. “Popcorn is my all time favourite food.”

“Oh, wow, that’s... lucky, I guess,” Dan stammers, a swell of pride surging up into his chest. “Glad you like it.”

“So, how much?”

“Oh, on the house.” Dan smiles, sliding the cocktail across the bar along with Charlie’s vodka tonic. “I feel bad for not letting you in on the forfeit for Bingo last time.”

The look on Phil’s face softens into something so sweet Dan can taste sugar on his tongue.

“You don’t have to do that,” Phil says softly.

“It’s fine, really,” Dan assures him, all but sliding his elbows across the bar towards him. “I insist.”

A twitch in the corner of Phil’s mouth, and then he’s leaning across the bar. It happens slowly, but Dan still manages to be caught off guard. One moment, he’s watching, bemused, as Phil inches towards him, and the next there’s a light press of paper-soft lips to his cheek. A scratch of stubble grazes over Dan’s skin as Phil leans away.

“Thanks,” Phil tells him, smiling. “You’re sweet, Dan.”

And then he’s turning away, drinks in hand, slipping into the mass of people.

For the next few hours, Dan hopes for Phil to return to the bar for another round. He waits, eagerly, for this moment to come. Instead, Charlie is the one who brings his and Phil’s glasses back over, and waves to flag down Dan’s attention.

He nods in acknowledgement, finishing up the drinks order he’s in the middle of, and sidling over to Charlie. He forces a strained smile.

“Same again?”

“Yeah,” Charlie says, digging out his phone. “And a couple of vodka shots.”

He says nothing else, eyes glued to his phone screen. Dan waits for a moment before moving off, eyes stuck to Charlie’s face. He’s the kind of gorgeous that shouldn’t exist in real life. Unblemished, tanned skin. Clean, dark stubble, lacing his perfect, razorblade jawline. His hair is a swoop of glossy mahogany; even the cut of it looks expensive.

Charlie’s eyes flick up to Dan’s, obviously questioning why he’s staring, so Dan nods, embarrassed, and hurries to make the drinks. From a superficial standpoint, it’s obvious why Phil is with Charlie. Obviously, in Dan’s eyes, Phil is the most attractive man on the planet, but that’s just because he’s Dan’s type. Even he can tell that Charlie is objectively a beautiful human being.

It’s just a shame about everything below the surface level.

Dan pours the two shots Charlie ordered. “All together it’s twenty pounds, please.”

Charlie snorts, then pockets his phone at last. “Figures you’d give Phil the discount.”

He pulls out a twenty and slaps it on the counter.

“Sorry, I can’t give you guys free drinks all night.”

Charlie just stares back at him, a faint, knowing smile caught on his dusty pink lips. One of this thick eyebrows is slightly quirked, sliding an irritation under Dan’s skin. “Listen, Danny, is it?”

“Dan,” he grits.

“Dan,” Charlie says, leaning across the bar. “A little advice, yeah? Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.”

He downs both the shots in quick succession, baffling Dan, who is frozen, mortified, to the spot. Before his brain can thaw enough to stammer out some witty rebuttal, Charlie has swept the drinks off the counter, and is moving away.

Cheeks burning, Dan turns around, trying to calm his boiling blood. He squeezes his fists together, counting to ten, the way he makes himself after all encounters with dickhead customers.

“Hey, sweetcheeks, can we get some drinks over here, please?”

With a deep sigh, Dan unclenches his fists, and turns to the next customer.

At around one in the morning, Dan runs to the bathroom for a minute, and on his way, he sees Charlie. He’s against the wall of the club, near the DJ booth. There’s a muscular, dark-skinned man pressing him there; their faces are close. Dan can’t stop, he’s left Tyler and Dodie to the mercy of the drunks in their worst state - things get rowdy an hour before closing - and he needs to get back there. So, instead, he simply tucks the image away in his mind, to think about later on.

That man, leant against Charlie in a less-than-innocent seeming stance, was certainly not Phil, after all. As he exits the bathroom, he notices that Charlie is gone, as is whoever was with him.

At 1:55am, the lights come on. As usual, an enormous groan chants out of the crowd of patrons on the dance floor, followed by a few pairs awkwardly stepping out of the shadows, some squinting and eye-covering, and the slow, jelly-legged walk to the coat-check area.

“I think I just saw some guy getting up off his knees in the corner,” Tyler says despondently. “Shotgun not mopping the floor tonight.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Dan sighs. “On the dance floor? Really? Why can’t they suck each other off in the bathroom like normal people?”

“Oh, there were definitely people doing that in one of the stalls about an hour ago,” someone says to Dan’s right. The voice, for some reason, sends the hairs up on the back of Dan’s neck.

He turns, wondering when Matt’s voice got so low, only to find that Phil has perched himself on one of the bar stools, the dregs of his cocktail still in a glass in front of him. For a moment, Dan is too stunned at the sight of him to reply. Then, he registers that the lights are on, and cringes, knowing he likely looks frightful. Phil, of course, looks radiant as ever even under the harsh fluorescents, apart from a faint tiredness, visible in the dark circles underneath his eyes.

“You’re still here,” Dan comments. “I thought you guys had gone.”

“Charlie left,” Phil says, looking away from Dan. “Or I assume he did.”

Out of sight, Tyler catches Dan’s eye, making an obscene gesture with his hands before snickering and running off in the direction of the supply closet. Dan just glares after him, pink-cheeked, and turns back to Phil.

“Wait, he left without telling you?”

One of Phil’s shoulders moves towards his neck, then falls. “He does that.”

“Wow that’s… kind of shitty.”

As soon as the words are out, Dan regrets them. He can’t help but think of Charlie’s comment from earlier; it rings in his ears as if the guy had screamed it at him.

Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.

He was right, probably, though Dan had hated hearing it. He should stop being such a suck-up. It must be awkward and cringey for Phil to see Dan so obviously smitten.

Still, Phil throws him a faint smile. “It’s cool. He’s just a flaky guy. A bit of a princess. He grew up rich, so he’s always been a bit superficial. I’m trying to wring the bourgeoisie out of his blue blood.”

Dan snorts with laughter. “In my experience, you can’t filter the dickishness out of people very easily.”

There’s a silence, then. Phil regards him with a faintly curious expression.

“Maybe I’m wrong,” Dan says once the silence gets too uncomfortable. He shrugs, grabbing the rag from his back pocket and starting to wipe down the bar. “I don’t know the guy, really. I’ve just had a couple of unfortunate experiences with him.”

“Oh no,” Phil says, face falling. “What did he do this time?”

Dan laughs, bitterly. “Don’t worry about it. He’s just a little mouthy, is all.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

“So, when do you get to leave this place?” Phil asks, playing with his glass. He still hasn’t drunk the remainder of his cocktail. “Or do you sleep here?”

“On weekdays, the bar closes at two, so I get out of here at around two-thirty.”

“Christ,” Phil mutters. “And I thought my job was long hours.”

A laugh bursts out of Dan’s throat, but he covers it as best he can with a cough, turning away. Busying himself with ‘dusting’ some liquor bottles, Dan tries to compose a straight face. Is Phil honestly going to try and argue that his job is difficult? When was the last time that guy ever grabbed a broom, or handled someone’s sticky change?

In a minute, Dan is going to go into the corner of the dance floor, get down on his knees, and clean up some randomer’s come. A few weeks ago he saw Phil swanning about a five-star hotel in Korea. If AmazingPhil’s worst complaint is that he had to have a few questionable outfit choices put on him, and some silvery goo in his hair, then he needs a reality check.

Nevertheless, Dan knows that he can’t say any of this. Not only would he never dream of insulting Phil Lester, but it’s pointless to try and explain the differences between classes to someone in a privileged position. They’ve usually forgotten how to understand.

“Are you close by, at least?” Phil asks, interrupting Dan’s thoughts.

Dan turns back to him. “Kemptown. It’s half an hour’s walk, more or less.”

“You walk?” Phil asks, eyebrows skyrocketing towards his quiff. “At two in the morning?”

“Five in the morning on weekends,” Dan confirms, hiding a smile at Phil’s surprise. “It’s okay, you get used to it. Besides, it’s mostly just drunk idiots chugging cans of cider and threatening to run into the sea. Not too scary.”

Despite Dan’s reassurance, the look of pity and concern on Phil’s face doesn’t subside. After a while, Dan turns from it, feeling awkward. He busies himself with clearing away the last of the empty glasses, yawning into the crook of his elbow. Tonight was rough.

“You should crash at mine,” Phil blurts.

Sure he must have misheard, Dan faces Phil slowly. “Um, what?”

“If you’re exhausted, I mean.” Phil fidgets, fingers tapping against his glass. “Like, on the nights you can’t face walking all the way home, you can totally just sleep on my sofa.”

Speechless, Dan simply stares.

“The couch is pretty comfy,” Phil continues in a ramble, not meeting Dan’s eye. “And my flat is just up the road, literally like a minute away. I’m not saying, y’know, come over every night, ‘cause obviously… that might be an issue, but you can absolutely stay round on, say, Saturday nights when you finish later. That wouldn’t be a problem.”

He’s just being nice. That’s Dan’s only explanation. Phil Lester is a sweetheart of a person, and he got so worried about the hypothetical danger involved in Dan’s walks home, that he offered something big, even though he didn’t really mean it.

Dan is a stranger to him. He needs to decline the polite offer, and let Phil off the hook he accidentally created to string himself up on.

So, Dan forces out a small chuckle, and says: “Oh, no, it’s really fine. Thanks for the offer, that’s really good of you, but I quite like the walk. It’s a nice come down after a busy night.”

Phil nods, chewing his lip. He looks unconvinced. “I’m not just saying it, though.” His voice has dropped to a lower tone. “Like tonight… you’re so tired, I can see it. Just grab some sleep at mine before you head back across town.”

As soon as Phil mentions it, the quilt of his own exhaustion flops around his shoulders, dragging Dan’s bones towards the floor. He tries to picture the stumble back to his crummy flat in Kemptown, loathing each imaginary step.

“You barely know me,” Dan says - one last attempt at refusal.

Sensing he’s won, Phil smiles very slightly, then downs the rest of his cocktail at last. “I don’t know if it’s just me, Dan, but I have this feeling that we’re going to be good friends.”

(Part 4!)

#phan #phanfic #bartender au #phanfiction

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botanistlester · 6 years

Text

Bury Your Flame (2/3)

Summary: After receiving a dragon egg when his grandfather passed away, Phil is forced to ask for help from the local dragon tamer. As he soon finds out, Dan Howell is nothing he’s been expecting. Infuriating, ludicrous, and completely lacking respect, Dan is everything Phil hates. But Phil will do anything to make his grandfather proud, even if that means getting help from the local cluck. Word Count: 14,412 / 45k Warnings: Blood/gore, angst, threats, major injury A/N:Thank you so much to @dandelionisonfire for betaing this for me again! I’ll try to get the next part out shortly, but it may take longer than two days because I’m going out of town this weekend. We’ll see though! Thanks for reading, I love you all!

Part One

Read it on AO3 Read it on Wattpad

Part Two

Phil had gone over to Dan’s hut early in the morning, and they were currently taking a break. They’d hiked further up the mountain so the air was slightly thinner and they were sitting on a steep ledge, looking out at the tiny appearance of Lilium. Phil could see his own home from there, the very home that he had grown up in and had even gotten lost inside seeming so small that he could simply crush it in his palm.

While Phil was sitting farther away from the ledge, trying rather hard not to die, Dan had decided to sit on the actual ledge, feet dangling over in a way that made Phil fear that he was going to fall. Dan was humming a song, even kicking his feet as he played with Ophelia. It was giving Phil a nasty feeling in his chest, something akin to fear, because if Dan fell over the edge then he would be falling to his death.

If it were up to Phil, he would get up and move Dan himself, but sadly he was immobile at the moment. If he were to move, then he would dislodge Atlas, who had curled up into a ball on his lap. That was simply just disgraceful and not something that was possible at the moment. So instead, he called out to Dan, a frown on his face. “Tamer,” he demanded, trying to keep his voice as emotionless as possible. It would be weak to show his worry. “Come sit against the wall with me.”

Dan turned his face, his humming ceasing. There was a contemplative expression on his face, which quickly turned into a smirk when they made eye contact. Dan’s eyes were glittering. “Are you worried I’m going to fall off the cliff?” he asked, tone light.

Phil shrugged. “No, I just wanted to show you something. I can’t do that if you’re all the way over there.”

The words made Dan chuckle with amusement, and then he was quickly standing up. He put Ophelia on his shoulder, her claws digging into the fabric of his shirt, but he hardly seemed to notice. Phil had a brief moment where he wondered if Dan’s body had marks and scars all over his skin, momentos of when his dragons had accidentally tugged on him a little too hard. It wouldn’t have surprised him. His thoughts were interrupted by Dan sitting down next to him, so close that their thighs were touching.

Dan reached out and ran his fingers down Atlas’ feathers, who chirped happily and arched into the touch. Attention whore. Atlas seemed to like Dan better than Phil, and that wasn’t quite fair to Phil, who’d raised him and fed him. Phil swore that he was going to rejoice when Atlas became a big boy and didn't need him anymore. (As if that would ever happen). “So what did you want to show me?” Dan asked, a twinge of playfulness there that made Phil suspicious. Suspicious because he didn’t understand what Dan was planning to make him sound so playful.

That was, until he realised that he hadn’t actually had something to show Dan, and Dan fully knew that.

Phil shuffled around a bit, pretending like he was looking for something. He patted Atlas, trying to think of something he could come up with, and then cleared his throat. “I think Atlas grew again last night,” Phil lied. “Does he look bigger to you?”

Dan snorted and started to roll his eyes before stopping himself. He leaned closer to Phil and Phil could smell his shampoo because he was so close. It was citrusy, like it’d come straight from the tree of an orange, and Phil wanted to bottle it up just so he could smell it forever. God, he needed to stop being so weird. Dan ran his hands over Atlas’ sides, feeling him, checking his body. When he was done, he sat back and Phil missed the closeness for a split second before he reminded himself who Dan was and who he was.

“He grew a little bit, but not too much,” Dan told him informatively, changing from his normal joking self to a serious Dan for a second. “I reckon he’ll grow another foot by the end of this week. Dragons get big rather fast, and he’s going to be the same size as a full-fledged beast probably by the next month.”

Phil sighed in relief, relief that Dan had let go his obvious flub and gone along with his dumb questions. Even so- “A full-fledged beast? Where will he stay? I don’t have room for him in my bedchamber.”

“Your father literally built you a place for him in your gardens. I’d say you have plenty of space, my prince.”

Phil pouted. “But what if he wants to sleep on my bed with me? I can’t just tell him no.”

Dan threw his head back and laughed heartily. “Are you telling me that you actually have nurturing feelings towards dear Atlas? That you like cuddling with him in bed? My, what these dragons have done to you, Prince! You’re a changed man!”

Shoving Dan lightly, Phil glared. “I do not. I’m just worried. You can take him back for all I care.” The statement made Atlas give him an unimpressed look, but Phil ignored him. He’d have a talk with him later about how he didn’t mean it and how he was just trying to rile Dan up. Atlas should be used to that by now.

“So you’re telling me that you wouldn’t sleep over at my hut just so you could cuddle Atlas? If you gave me custody?” Phil shook his head begrudgingly and Dan just snorted. “Right. I forgot that you don’t care about anyone other than yourself.”

The words, although a joke, still stung. In Phil’s very professional opinion, he’d been getting a lot better about that. He cared about Atlas and Dan. That had to be enough. But maybe it wasn’t. Most people usually cared about more than just two people, whereas Phil literally did not give two craps.

Damn. He was selfish.

But Phil just crossed his arms and scowled down at his lap. His glare was interrupted by Atlas’ dumb face, so it was more like he was mad at Atlas. Unperturbed, Atlas just blinked up at Phil and curled back up, making a disgruntled noise in his throat. “I care about people. Asshole.”

“Hey,” Dan said softly, nudging Phil with his shoulder. Phil didn’t move, just turned his face away and pretended not to hear. Dan nudged him again. “Hey.”

“What?” Phil snapped back, whirling his head around to stare at the dragon tamer.

Dan’s lips were pulled down in a pout and there was concern on his face. He seemed ashamed of himself and Phil couldn’t stay mad at him for too long when he looked like that. Dan opened his mouth, and Phil prepared himself for the I was just joking around speech that never really made him feel better in the first place.

It didn’t come.

Instead, Dan reached into his pocket and pulled something out, his whole hand wrapped around the item so that Phil couldn’t see what it was even if he tried. His touch was delicate, fingers loose, as though he were holding something incredibly fragile. With his free hand, he lightly grabbed Phil’s hand and held it so his palm was facing upwards. His thumb caressed the skin of Phil’s hand and his touch was so ginger, holding Phil like he was a fragile piece of art.

For a moment, Phil lost his breath. He didn’t think they’d ever really touched each other like this. Sure, Dan’s hugged him before, but it was never like this, not so gentle, skin on skin. Phil really wanted to just turn his hand around, grasp Dan’s hand in his, but he didn’t for fear or rejection, he didn’t know why these feelings were suddenly rising inside of him. It was slightly scary. He didn’t know how to react, didn’t know how to deal with the way his lungs were constricting with every breath or why he wanted to tug Dan in and hold him close until he could feel his heart beating against his chest.

He ignored all of that, and tried to pay attention to Dan, who was now putting something in his hand. He placed the object into Phil’s hand and then immediately covered it with his own hand. This way, Phil could feel that the object was hard and cool, almost like a rock, but he could also feel the heat of Dan’s hands making Phil feel warm all the way from his fingertips to his cheeks.

Phil glanced down at where their hands were together, and then slowly trailed his eyes upwards until he and Dan were making eye contact. Dan smiled, softer and kinder than usual. “I’m sorry for upsetting you,” he murmured in a voice that reminded Phil of the night where he’d opened up to him and disclosed his background.

“You didn’t upset me,” Phil muttered, upset.

Dan cocked an eyebrow. “Yes I did, and that wasn’t very nice of me.” He scratched his nails lightly over Phil’s palm, and then he was pressing his palms together to squish Phil’s hand between his own. The edge of the object dug into Phil’s skin, but it didn’t hurt. He was too focused on the way Dan was holding his hands and gazing at him as though he were gazing at a lover. “I’m aware that you care about people more than you understand. You cared about your grandfather and always try to do things to make him proud, even if you don’t necessarily want to do those things. You care about Atlas and have given him a good home despite your earlier reluctance. You care about your parents and their image, and you care about your Kingdom and how well it’s people are doing.” A pause and a small smile. “You care about me. As much as you don’t want to, you do.”

“I never said I didn’t care about you,” Phil interjected, because he didn’t want Dan to get the wrong impression. Phil smirked, deciding to get a little payback for Dan’s earlier lame attempt at a joke. “Doesn’t mean I like you though.”

The statement made Dan laugh good-naturedly. He squeezed Phil’s hand once more, and Phil realised that he still had no idea what Dan was about to give him. He could feel the sharp edges digging into his palm and the cool, hardness of the object, but he couldn’t make sense of it in his mind enough to connect the dots between feeling and seeing. “Touche. But I hope this makes you like me at least a little bit.”

With that, Dan removed the hand that was covering the object, and allowed Phil to take a look at what he was now holding. When he saw what it was, his mouth fell open and he began to gape, because there was no way in hell that he’d have ever managed to guess what this had been. In his hand, he was holding a dragon’s claw. It was long and sharp, curved like a cat’s claw, but two hundred times bigger. It was black and when Phil looked closely, he could see that there were little engravings in it in gold. The engravings were like drawings back in ancient times, of two persons with dragons surrounding them. At the top of the claw, a hole was drilled through and a suede cord was laced through the hole, big enough to fit around Phil’s neck.

“Is- is this a necklace? For me?” Phil asked, quite literally speechless. He didn’t quite understand how Dan had done all of this, or why he’d just give it to Phil like that. “But how? Why?”

Dan chuckled and picked up the necklace from Phil’s palm. He moved so that they were sitting closer together and motioned Phil to turn around. When he did, Dan lowered the necklace around his neck and tied the suede in the back, making it tight, but not so tight that it was choking him. Phil could feel the sharpness of the claw against his breastbone, a constant reminder that the gift was there. “You ask so many questions,” Dan mused. “As dragons age, they lose their baby claws and grow adult ones. Kind of like teeth. I collect them all because they’re like my children and I like to keep them to look back on. This is Atlas’ first baby claw, and I engraved it so you could remember all of the times we’ve had together as well.”

There was emotion swelling in Phil’s chest, emotion that he didn’t understand or know how to display. He could feel his eyes getting wet and his ears getting red, and all of his senses heightened at once. He could feel where Dan’s fingers were brushing the back of his neck, as well as the tiny breaths that Dan was taking. Phil was going through sensory overload, and he didn’t know how to bring himself back to the real world.

So he tried to with humour, turning back around to face Dan. Their faces were so close that Phil could now feel those same exhales brush over his cheekbones, could see those beautiful plush lips so close to his face. Feeling slightly out of breath, Phil murmured, “are you trying to court me?” It was sarcastic but also tinged with seriousness. Sarcastic enough to pass off as a joke if that’s what Dan wished, but also serious in the way that Phil wanted to know.

Was Dan trying to court him? Typically when a person began to court another, they would present them with a small gift in the form of a personal item, such as a necklace or bracelet. Just a small piece to show that they were interested and to show others that they were being courted. If Phil, who had not owned anything like this dragon claw necklace before, started to wear this, then it would be an obvious sign that Phil had found a monogamist courter.

If that was Dan’s intentions in the first place.

Phil watched Dan’s face intensely, watched as his cheeks turned the slightest colour of pink. His smile turned sly and his eyes crinkled at the corners. “It depends on what your answer would be if that were the case.”

Phil’s mind went blank.

He’d had other people try to court him before, had girls give him their grandfather’s rings before. Phil had always turned them down with a laugh in the face, a harsh reminder that Phil was a million times better than them and could do better than to get with a lowly prince or princess of the next Kingdom over. Besides, they were all typically older than him, so they never payed him as much attention as he deserved.

But now he was faced with a citizen - a mere dragon tamer who didn’t even consider himself a citizen of Lilium - offering his courtship with warm eyes and a soft, accepting smile. Dan was so different from everybody else who’d tried to court Phil. Hell, he was so different from everyone else that Phil had ever met in general.

He didn’t try to impress anybody and made fun of everyone that he could, including royalty. He cared about his dragons and not much else, until he got to know a person on a deeper level, which wasn’t often. He was always smiling although he appeared distant from others, but really he was warm and quite cozy, seeming to like interacting with people a lot. He didn’t care about money, about riches and fame. He just wanted to mind his own business and be happy.

Phil liked that. He liked that about Dan so much that it hurt, that it confused him to the point where he wanted to just hold Dan’s hand and never let it go. He wanted to sit atop this mountain for decades and never return to the ground.

Hell, he wanted Dan to court him.

Phil cleared his throat and tried to think of a witty response. “I’d say that I need to give you a gift back.” He needed to give something back to Dan, so he reached for his breast and tore his family crest from the fabric. With shaking fingers, he grabbed Dan’s collar and pinned the brooch onto Dan’s tunic. The brooch was lovely, with his family crest on it. The crest showed a shield with an Eagle on the inside and ivy surrounding it. It was a story that went back thousands of years with his bloodline, and now Dan wore it proudly for everyone to see.

When Phil was done pinning it, he let his hands stay fluttering around Dan’s collar, unsure of what to do now. He didn’t know how to court someone or how to be courted. Was he supposed to kiss him? A kiss of approval? Did they have sex? What was this?

Dan chuckled and caught Phil’s hands in his own, holding them to his chest. Phil could feel his heart beating and it made him blink. Dan’s heart was beating so hard that he could feel it reverberating in his fingertips. “You’re a wreck,” Dan whispered. “But I am a hypocrite.”

“I’ve never met someone as bad at courting as you are,” Phil shot back.

“Well, I’ve never met a prince who’s never been courted before.” For a moment, Phil was going to ask him how he’d known that before remembering that his life was pretty public and if he was going to be courting anybody, it’d be public knowledge. Besides, Phil didn’t think Dan had even met a prince before.

Phil scowled and kicked Dan’s foot. “I take back the acceptance for the courting. I’ll only accept if you defeat me in a brawl. Kick my ass.”

Dan laughed heartily and tugged Phil a little closer, until he could touch Phil’s cheek with his lips. Dan’s lips were as hot as a dragon’s breath, nearly searing through Phil’s skin in the best way possible. There wasn’t a single word Phil could think or say that could equate to the feelings bubbling up inside of him like fine champagne. Dan didn’t pull back far before he was speaking, lips brushing against Phil’s cheekbone and making shivers run down his spine. “You’re asking me to defeat you in combat? Sounds like a date.”

The use of the word date made Phil’s cheeks turn hot, but he just chuckled and ducked his head, unsure of how to act. “Sure, yeah,” he murmured quietly, grinning at their joined hands. “A date.”

He’d never been on a date before, had thought they were ridiculous beforehand. But with Dan, the idea of a date didn’t sound the least bit appealing at all.

“You ready for me to kick your ass?” Dan’s voice echoed in the courtyard, bouncing off the stone walls. He was in battle stance in front of Phil, his sword held out in front of him. They were both using iron swords that were blunt, that way they couldn’t cut through skin, but they would definitely be able to leave a bruise if they hit hard enough. Phil couldn’t deny that Dan looked wildly beautiful like this, his hair unruly and his eyes wide, glinting in the sun and making them tinge red like they were filled with fire. He truly looked like the rogue man who was raised by dragons now, and Phil could feel an aching in his heart at this image. For once, Dan seemed like he was free, unconstrained from societal expectations cast upon him and instead replaced with a fiery soul that nobody could tame.

“I’m ready to throw you across the courtyard,” Phil replied cockily, a smug smirk on his face. He waved his own sword towards Dan, tried to appear as manly and intimidating as possible. He was confident in his abilities to defeat Dan, even though he didn’t know if he really wanted to. He wanted Dan to court him, wanted to see what that would be like, but he also had a reputation to uphold.

There was no way he was going to let Dan beat him, no matter how badly he wanted Dan to court him.

“I love a man who can easily punch me in the face,” Dan teased back, and then he was jumping forward, throwing his sword in the air and trying to lash out at Phil.

Phil dodged it, the sword striking the stone ground instead. He whirled around, tried to take Dan off guard, but Dan was quick and knocked his sword out of the way. It was quick to understand that they both had different fighting styles. Whereas Phil’s fighting was defined and controlled, Dan’s was unruly and all over the place, but nonetheless as skilled as Phil. Phil wondered briefly in the midst of all this how Dan could have learned how to fight so well, but then he realised that it would have been easy to learn when Dan had nothing to do, all by himself for years.

It was also clear that Dan fought unfairly. He kicked Phil’s knees out from under him, jabbed his elbow into Phil’s stomach, even bit Phil’s shoulder hard enough to leave a bright red mark. At first, Phil didn’t want to stoop so low as to fight dirty back, but after a while of going back and forth like this, Phil threw everything he knew about fighting fairly out of the way and jumped forward, hooking one foot around Dan’s calf while he pushed his entire body weight against Dan’s chest.

Dan fell onto the ground with a loud oof, his breath huffing out of him in one large exhale. Phil was breathing heavily as he leaned over him, sitting on his legs with all of his weight to keep Dan on the ground while the tip of his sword pressed to Dan’s throat. Dan closed his eyes and swallowed thickly, trying to catch his breath. He let out a small laugh.

“So you won,” Dan said in a gruff voice, one that seemed slightly disappointed. It irked Phil that he was still smiling, despite the fact that Dan didn’t get to court Phil now.

Phil nodded and jokingly pressed the sword harder into Dan’s neck, even though it didn’t do anything. “So I won,” Phil mused, smirking. He pulled the sword away from Dan’s throat and fell to the side, onto the ground next to Dan. The sun was so bright that it blinded him, but he stared into the sky anyways, watching as the clouds passed by. Atlas, who had been watching the whole ordeal from the sidelines, snuffled at his head and then curled around his head, making Phil smile.

A good brawl always made him feel more relaxed, especially when he was doing so out of fun rather than a lesson.

“Looks like I don’t get to court you then,” Dan said softly.

Phil hummed. “Guess not,” he agreed.

He wasn’t too sad about it, but it seemed like Dan was a bit more upset than he let on, because then he was saying, “That’s okay. A prince deserves more than a lowly dragon tamer.”

That made Phil frown angrily, turning onto his side. He didn’t care that Lennyx could see them from where she was watching only twenty feet away. He didn’t care that anyone could get the wrong idea by his actions, especially when he was taking Dan’s hand in his own, giving it a light squeeze. “That’s not true,” Phil replied harshly, hating that Dan would even think of something like that. He deserved more than that, more than Phil. It pissed Phil off to no end that he had such low expectations of himself. “You’re the one who deserves better than I. You deserve the freedom to be yourself and live with your dragons, not to be tied down by politics and duties that don’t actually matter. You deserve to love freely and away from the bitter stare of onlookers who believe they can control your life just because they know of you. This is nothing I can give you, Dan.”

Dan huffed and then he was turning over onto his side as well, until they were face to face. This close, Phil could see the little freckles dotted across his nose, the light spots in his eyes, the little smile on his lips. Dan reached up and ran his fingers lightly across Phil’s cheek, making Phil close his eyes and bask in the touch. It was so feather light and ginger, completely different from the violence in which they fought only moments before. When Dan spoke, his voice was so quiet that it gently carried over the wind, barely audible. “I don’t care about any of that. I just want to be with you.” He cleared his throat, shaking his head slightly, cheeks a pretty shade of pink. Phil’s heart was roaring in his ears. “Besides, you don’t deserve any of that stuff either. You’ve been suffocated with these matters your entire life. It’s time for you to do things that you want as well, that way you can finally be yourself without restraint.”

Phil squeezed his eyes shut. He hated that Dan was right. He hated that he didn’t know whether he was being himself or if he was just reflecting his parents and their expectations. Was he just a mirror of what everybody wants to be? Or was he acting on his own free will? Did he even have any free will? He knew the answer even before he asked himself the question. So maybe that was why he was suddenly forming words, words that he’s been wanting to say this entire time. It was totally against what he’d ever do originally, but he knew in his heart that this was something that he truly wanted. He wasn’t going to let anybody mute his desires anymore, no matter how badly it may hurt himself or the others around him.

“I know that I told you that you’re not allowed to court me since you lost. But I never said anything about me not being able to court you instead.” He knew the weight of his words as soon as he said them, as soon as Dan’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock. He knew what courting meant, that he was trying to find a person suitable enough to marry, something that his parents had been begging him to do ever since he’d turned eighteen.

He knew that his parents would just be happy he was courting someone, whether it was a man or woman. He just hoped they would be okay with the fact that Dan had no family aside from his beasts, as well as a low social status.

Phil touched his dragon’s claw necklace and decided that he didn’t care what his parents thought. He was going to love unlike he’d been able to before.

“You want to court me?” Dan asked incredulously.

Phil chuckled. “I know what I said. So will you accept or not?”

“Of course I will. Is that even a question?”

Apparently not, because they were both smiling at each other, grinning under the heat from the sun. Phil could practically hear himself sizzling from the sunbeams, but he didn’t dare move. He was too comfortable lying there with Dan, away from anything that mattered.

They sunk into a comfortable silence, drinking in each other’s presence. Normally, now would be the time that they would exchange gifts, showing the acceptance of the courtship. But they had already done so a couple of nights ago, the weight of the claw around Phil’s neck and the brooch pinned to Dan’s scarf where everyone could see it. Lennyx had definitely noticed it earlier, had given Phil a wide eyed stare, but he had ignored her in favour of focusing on Dan.

She could connect the dots anyways. Anyone could.

Finally, Phil sighed. “I don’t know how to court somebody,” he admitted, even though Dan knew that already.

“I don’t either,” Dan replied reassuringly. “I guess we’ll just play it by ear. No pressure.”

“No pressure,” Phil murmured back quietly. It made him relax just a tad, knowing that Dan didn’t expect anything, that he didn’t know what he was doing either. He could make the assumption that courting Dan wouldn’t be a chore, that he didn’t have to trip over his own feet just to impress Dan. They already knew each other, were fond of each other, so now it was just a bit more official.

More than that, Phil found that he couldn’t wait to see what their future held for them.

Dan and Phil were taking the day off of training so they could lie around and spend time with each other. Phil had been training quite a lot anyways, and Dan claimed that he deserved a break after all the hard work he had been doing. They’d been courting for about a month now, and Phil was truly enjoying himself. Dan had stopped calling Phil by his title and had instead begun calling him by his name. Phil liked the way his name rolled off of Dan’s tongue, a pleasantry that not many people were allowed to practice.

There really was no pressure between them at all and they were instead taking this thing between them extremely chill. They moved at their own pace rather than anybody else’s, and they were slowly getting more comfortable with each other than they already had been before. Now, more often than not, Phil caught himself staring at Dan’s lips, wondering what it would feel like to have them pressed against his own, maybe leaving small kisses on his collarbones. They hadn’t gone further than cuddling or holding hands yet, mainly because they both didn’t know what they were doing, but Phil was starting to torture himself with the thoughts of what going further with Dan would be like.

Now, Phil was curled into Dan’s side, his face pressed to Dan’s chest while Dan stroked softly stroked through his hair. Atlas was by their feet, sulking after he tried to climb onto Dan’s chest as well but was instead kicked off because he was too big now. He was no longer the size of a cat, but rather the size of a small horse. Phil had told him that he can still sleep on his bed as long as he stayed by Phil’s feet and didn’t crush him while he slept. So far, Atlas had listened, albeit a bit begrudgingly.

“I love this,” Phil mumbled, tilting his head up to look at Dan’s face as best as he could at such an awkward angle. He was still getting used to being so sappy with Dan, but it was becoming easier by the day and he found that he liked to express his affection towards Dan with his words. Dan always got the cutest little blush on his cheeks, and Phil made it a game to see how much he could get Dan to blush in a certain period of time. Just like he was expecting, Dan’s cheeks turned pink. “I like spending time with you.”

Dan chuckled and pressed a kiss to Phil’s forehead, which Phil sank into. He was a huge fan of forehead kisses and Dan was always glad to supply them. When he pulled away, their faces were very close, and Phil’s mind wandered once more, thinking about how much he wanted an actual kiss. How much he wanted to just grab Dan’s cheeks and bring his face down to his. “You spend time with me every day,” Dan replied, a fond expression on his face that made it really hard not to just kiss him right then and there.

“So?” Phil asked. “I still like spending time with you.”

“Me too.” Dan’s hand stilled in Phil’s hair and his expression was now contemplative, as though he were thinking really hard about something. Slowly, he leaned in and nudged his nose against Phil’s, kind of like a bunny.

Phil’s mind went blank. Dan’s lips were so close to his own; just a centimeter apart and then they would be touching. He could feel the warmth against his lips, the way their breath mingled and became one. Phil tilted his head up, giving Dan permission to kiss him, showing him that he wanted it so badly that he could barely think straight. They’d both never kissed anyone before, and Phil wanted Dan to be his first. He wanted Dan to be all of his firsts.

Just as Dan leaned forward, his hand sliding from the back of Phil’s head to his cheek instead, the door swung open, banging against the wall with the force.

They jumped apart, and Phil went to turn his wrath onto the intruder, finding Lennyx standing there, an alarmed expression on her face. Phil could feel fury building inside of him, so intense that his face turned red. He and Dan were so close to finally becoming intimate, only to have Lennyx ruin it for them. “Lennyx, what the h-?!”

“The King, my Lord,” she cut him off, bowing and moving out of the way of the doorway.

The King walked in then, his expression unreadable. Phil wasn’t entirely worried about being found in bed with another man. The act was rather common after Phil’s grandfather made love of all kind legal. It was one of the reasons why Lilium was such a great kingdom, a safe place for commoners to come to when they are in need of certain things or when they are trying to marry in peace.

Dan knew that, and yet he was still scrambling to stand, bowing low and long. “My King,” he murmured, and Phil had never heard him sound so respectful in the entire time that he’s known him. Phil hid his scoff at this. If only Dan had been this respectful when they’d first met, then they wouldn’t have had so many issues.

But then again, maybe that was why they connected so well in the long run.

Phil stood, slower than Dan, and regarded his father with a slight bowed head. “Father,” Phil greeted. “What brings your presence to me?”

The King stood, towered over his son and the tamer, his beard nicely groomed and his red robes cascading onto the floor. His blue eyes were hard as he stared at the two boys, sliding his gaze over Phil as though he wasn’t really seeing him. His lips were pressed in a firm line and Phil could tell by the clench in his jaw that he was not happy. He ignored Phil’s question, turned to the door. “Guards!” he barked out, and Phil’s heart completely stopped beating. What have they done? Was his father really not okay with him lying with another man? Phil whipped his head around to stare wide-eyed at Dan as the guards waltzed in, but Dan just smiled back like he was trying to assure Phil that everything was going to be okay. “Take the beast tamer to the dungeons. And the dragon.”

Without question, the guards leapt forward, twisting Dan’s arms behind his back and gripping him with iron fists so he could not escape. As though Dan would attempt anyways. He just stood there, staring at Phil with that same small smile, even though his lips were tense with pain at the harsh grips of the guards.

“Father, what in God’s name are you doing?!” Phil cried out, jumping forward and yanking at the guards’ armor, trying to release their hands. He was desperate, his hands shaking, and there were pathetic tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He was no longer thinking, only acting on feeling alone, and that was a mistake. He had never gone against his father’s wishes before, and while his father was a benevolent king, Phil had no doubt that he would wring his neck if he went against his own father. “Let him go! Let him go, he did nothing wrong!”

The King put a hand on Phil’s shoulder and yanked him backwards. “Stay back, child. That man is dangerous.” The King knew that Phil hated being called a child when he was twenty-three years old, and yet he always used it to his advantage, used it to make sure that Phil knew his place. That Phil was of a lower status than him, that he wasn’t a king yet. He didn’t usually use that term because he liked to be the ‘cool’ parent, but apparently he was now ready to throw all of that away for whatever reason.

Phil turned and shoved at his father angrily, pushing away his arm, trying to chase after the guards who had ahold of Dan. It bothered him that Dan was still smiling, that he was mouthing out that everything was going to be okay. Why was he unconcerned? Why was he not fighting back? There was nothing that Dan had done wrong, and to be arrested unfairly made Phil’s insides boil.

“Philip Michael,” came his father’s booming voice, and then there was a sword pressed against Phil’s neck, stopping him in place. The sword was held by Phil’s very own guard.

He was breathing hard with panic, the sharp edge of the sword digging into his throat. One step forward and it would slice through his skin. Phil was tempted to step forward anyway, just so he could pass through and get to Dan, or even just to show his frustration with the whole situation. Maybe then his father would take him seriously.

“Philip. Stop.”

Phil spun around and glared at his father, crossing his arms over his chest in defiance. “Why the fuck should I listen to you? Why’d you arrest him? Why won’t you listen to me for once when I say he’s done nothing wrong?” He pointed an angry finger at the King and was so close to stomping his foot along as well. “If you arrested him solely because we were lying together, I demand you to release him and arrest me instead.”

The King shook his head. He seemed exhausted, bags under his eyes and a weary expression on his face. He gestured for Lennyx to lower the sword, and Phil considered leaving with that, but he wanted to hear what his father had to say for himself, so he didn’t. The King pressed his thumbs to his forehead. “I do not care if you lie with another man, my son,” he started, and then held his arm out to point Phil towards his bed, telling him to sit. Phil followed begrudgingly, sitting as far away from his father as he possibly could. “I would not arrest someone without reason, and I think you are aware of that fact. It had given me great sorrow to have to arrest your Daniel. Believe me when I say I tried to come up with other solutions that ended up falling through.”

Phil threw his hands up in exasperation. “And what? Are you going to explain to me what he’s done? Pray tell, father, as I do not believe I understand what is going on here.”

Phil could feel the King’s eyes on his throat, gazing at the dragon’s claw around his neck. He shuffled a bit, his hand flying up to his neck to wrap around the sharpness. It dug into his palm painfully, a gruesome reminder that Dan was in the dungeons, away from the safety of Phil’s room. Phil didn’t even have Atlas with him anymore, the dragon having been escorted out along with Dan. His room felt strangely empty, making him wonder how he’d lived like this before. “I recieved news this morning of a few citizens who had been slain by a dragon. The dragon was not found, but there were a few witnesses and pointers that showed evidence of Dan keeping this dragon. There is speculation that he had told his dragon to harm the citizens. Therefore, he had to be restrained until further research could be performed.”

Scoffing, Phil shook his head. He couldn't believe what he’d just heard. There was absolutely no way that Dan could be in charge of this murderous dragon. His Dan, who had never shown a vicious bone in his entire body, who always smiled no matter what the situation was. And all of his dragons were kind, loving creatures who grazed in the pastures and adored Dan with all of their hearts. They would not cause suffering to anybody, and Phil was certain of that. Besides, “Dan has been with me for the majority of the past week. He would not have had any time to formulate that type of plan. He is not that kind of person, father. You have to understand that.”

The King sighed and looked at his lap. Slowly, he stood. He did not make eye contact with Phil, and Phil hoped it was because he was ashamed of himself. “I know that you believe that, son, but I am afraid that love blinds us sometimes. He could have been using you as a cover up, and I cannot let that happen.” Phil bristled, biting his tongue as his father turned and began to walk to the door. His father paused right before he left. “Daniel’s hearing will be tomorrow at sunrise. Until then, I have told the guards not to allow you into the dungeons. Try to get some rest tonight and ease your mind.”

“Fuck you,” Phil spat, finally unable to hold it in any longer. The hatred was bubbling out of him until he was bursting with it, fueling him like fire.

His father waved dismissively at him and left the room without another word, leaving Phil to his own devices and Lennyx posted quietly by the door.

He did not sleep that night. His mind was filled with too much anger and anxiety, dread filling him to the very brim. He couldn’t keep still and instead paced around his room. He thought about Dan, about what his father had said, about everything he knew about Dan. He was absolutely sure that Dan wasn’t using him, had utmost trust in Dan. He just couldn’t figure out how to get his father to trust Dan as well.

In the dead of the night, Phil tried to leave his room and sneak his way to the dungeons, but Lennyx found him and refused to let him leave, claiming she was on King’s orders. Phil was angry, but couldn’t be angry at her because she was just doing her job. Instead, he was boiling with emotion for the King, and he knew there was no way he was going to keep his cool during the hearing. As soon as he saw Dan, he was probably going to burst into tears right then and there.

Come morning, Phil was a zombie. He could feel the dark circles under his eyes and the greasiness of his unwashed hair. He’d run his hands through his hair so much that it was sticking up all over the place, but he couldn’t shower, both out of pure exhaustion and trepidation. He couldn’t stop worrying about the hearing, about what would happen. He knew that Dan didn’t have the best reputation in Lilium, most people thinking that he was crazy or unruly or disrespectful. And he was, to an extent, but they also didn’t know Dan like Phil knew him.

People could take Dan’s smile in the wrong way, believe that he lacked empathy or compassion. They could believe that Dan could harm someone, could murder someone, just because they hadn’t had a conversation with him. Besides, Dan was the only person who could be blamed for something dragon related. Phil knew that the odds weren’t in Dan’s favour, and that thought was terrifying to him.

When Phil’s mother showed up at his room, telling him to get ready to leave, Phil was already wearing his nicest robes. He’d tried to appear as presentable as possible, although it was quite obvious that he was not okay. However, he didn’t want his people to blame Dan for ruining his mental health as well, so the least he could do was dress up properly.

He wasted no time in getting to the gathering hall. He was one of the first people in there, aside from his father sitting at the throne, his mother right next to him. Phil sat in the chair beside him and refused to look his father in the eye. While he still had to be respectful and sit up straight, Phil wanted the King to know that he was upset and that he wouldn’t go down without a fight. His mother tried to smile at him, but Phil glanced away before he could break down and smile back.

Today was no smiling matter.

Slowly, the people started trickling in. First the jury, then the citizens. The gathering hall was big enough to fit the majority of the Lilium citizens inside of it, and it seemed like nearly everyone had decided to show up today. Not surprisingly, considering there was hardly ever an arrest that happened in the kingdom. Lilium was a fairly peaceful place, and there had not been an incident such as a murder since Phil was a small boy.

The people left an opening down the middle of the crowd that led to the front of the room, right where the King, Queen, and Phil sat. Phil knew from experience that Dan would walk down the aisle, hands cuffed behind his back, a guard on each side. Then, he would kneel before the royal family and bow his head as the King stood and announced what the hearing was for. Everybody would watch and form their own opinions and Phil would be left without a voice because his opinions didn’t matter here.

Just as Phil predicted, the crowd got quiet and everyone turned towards the back of the room to watch as the giant doors opened. Dan, thankfully, had enough sense to wipe the damn smile off his face as he entered, hands behind his back and hair much more unruly than usual. The guards had a tight grip on his biceps, dragging him forward so harshly that he kept stumbling over his own two feet. Eyes were on him the entire time, including Phil’s eyes, as he made his way to the front of the room.

When he saw Phil, his face brightened and his lips twitched up, as though he were about to start smiling. But Phil shook his head, frowning, and he stopped just in time, instead pouting out his lip slightly. It was just the thing that Dan would do, and it hurt so badly to see him like this. Phil could feel his heart tear a little with each step Dan took towards the throne. The tear was ripping into a gaping hole until it was nearly unbearable and Phil had to dig his nails in the chair in order not to go running for him.

The guards halted in front of the altar, roughly pushing Dan to his knees. Phil couldn’t take his eyes away from Dan’s face as he bowed his head, showing submissiveness and respect. Phil would probably never get used to the image of that, especially when he’d seen Dan be so rude to him right off the bat. He appreciated that Dan knew his boundaries and when to fight or submit.

The King stood and the crowd awaited eagerly for his words. Phil stared intently at Dan, trying to convey to Dan that he wouldn’t let anything happen to him as long as he was living.

Dan didn’t look up. The King spoke.

“Citizens of Lilium,” he started, voice booming and echoing off of every corner, “thank you for coming to the hearing of Daniel Howell. It brings me great joy to have such a caring and courteous kingdom. Today, we are inspecting the matter of murder that occured on the morning of yesterday. It has come to my attention that three citizens have greeted the afterlife sooner than expected due to an untimely beast attack.” Dan glanced up quickly and met Phil’s eyes. Phil could feel his stomach growing weaker, and the small smile Dan sent his way did nothing to ease that as his father continued to speak. “We did not find the dragon after the event occurred, however, the only beasts that the kingdom is aware of reside on Rose Mountain, which Daniel Howell considers his home. Due to these circumstances, we have decided to put Daniel on trial to determine whether he is guilty or innocent.”

They had no evidence. That much was clear, but just from a quick scan of the room, Phil picked out several people who were staring at Dan with disgust in their gazes, already completely convinced that he had done the unthinkable. Phil wanted to scream at them, to shout at them that they were wrong, that they were all delusional, but he was glued to his chair, teeth clenched together as though that would keep his sorrow from leaking onto the floor.

The King ordered the jury to speak, to provide explanations and suggestions for how to handle the situation. They all said the same exact thing: that Dan was guilty because he was the only one who could control dragons, so therefore he was obviously in charge of the dragon who murdered people. Only one woman stood and brought up the fact that there was not enough significant evidence to charge Dan for murder. Phil didn’t know who she was, but he liked her.

A few citizens came up to speak, detailing what they had seen and how the dragon had crushed their houses. They described a giant burgundy beast that breathed fire, and Phil clenched his teeth because he knew what they were describing, who they were describing, and judging by the sudden fretful expression on Dan’s face, he knew exactly what was being implied as well. Everyone did, considering that specific dragon was Dan’s most well-known creature.

Dryas. The beast who had saved Dan’s life, and could now possibly have the power to end it. If it was her, which Phil still wasn’t entirely convinced.

When Dan was called upon to save himself, Phil couldn’t look away. He memorised the shape of his lips and tried to remember how they felt when they pressed to his forehead. He watched as his dimple caved in whenever he spoke, and how his eyelashes were so long that they kissed his cheeks when he blinked. His hair was a curly mess atop his head and Phil imagined that a bird could make a nest in it if it wanted to, and his cheeks were a rosey pink colour, one tiny spot turning dark red from the attention of the room.

“I send my sincerest apologies to every family which was impacted by the attack,” Dan murmured in a tone much quieter, yet still as powerful as the King’s. “However much I would like to easily solve this mistake, I am afraid that I have not commanded my dragons to harm anybody. My dragons are very peaceful creatures who like to graze in the grass and play around like cats. While they are scary, they bring no harm to the citizens of Lilium. I would not allow it. If any of my dragons have hurt anybody, the situation will be solved immediately, as I do not condone violence of any sort. In fact, Dryas had saved my very life when I was only four years old. After my sibling had abandoned me in the mountains to starve, Dryas had taken me in, fed me, and made sure that I was living the best life that I could. She had saved my life when nobody else had and is the only reason I am here today.”

One of the jury members spoke then, a man with a balding head and bulging eyes. He seemed skeptical. Phil didn’t like him. “Is it true that you have been training with Prince Philip for the past few months?”

Dan nodded and stared out at the crowd with a level, steady gaze. “That is true, yes.” He spared a glance at Phil and grinned fondly at him for just a millisecond before turning his attention away. Phil’s heart tore open a bit more. “The Prince had come to me for help with his inheritance, which came in the form of a dragon’s egg. Because he did not understand the ways of the beasts, he came to me for help and I was glad to lend a hand.” Liar, Phil thought affectionately. Dan was glad to lend a hand while Phil had begrudgingly taken it. “Through our training, the Prince has come a long way and is now able to understand the majority of the dragon’s native language. It gives me great pride that I was able to provide that knowledge to him.”

The King turned to Phil and gestured for him to stand up. Avoiding his eyes, Phil did, and instead grit his teeth at the King’s next words. “Philip, you may speak now.”

He wanted to scream that Dan didn’t do it. He wanted to call everybody a bloody idiot. He wanted to throw a temper tantrum in front of the whole Kingdom. More than that, he wanted to cross the stage and give Dan a big kiss to show everyone just how much he meant to him.

He didn’t. Instead, he was a good boy and kept his true opinions to himself. He’d throw a tantrum later in front of just his parents and Lennyx. “I do not believe that Daniel Howell is guilty of murder.” He expected the crowd to gasp in offense, but instead, they were deathly silent, awaiting his next words. “I have been training with Daniel for approximately three months now, and this man is not capable of doing such an inhuman act. Through my lessons, I have learnt that Daniel is a caring person, both for humankind and dragons alike. We have been training every day for hours, and he has undoubtedly earned my trust. His dragons are tranquil and gentle. Not once have any of the beasts shown an ounce of violence towards me in the months that I have known them.” Phil turned his face towards Dan, stared him right in the eye. “I have full faith that, if given the chance, Daniel would be able to control the rogue dragon and make sure that it does no harm any further.” It was a small plead for everybody listening, as well as a message to Dan. A tiny, I’ll stand with you until the end.

Dan gave him a little nod of the head, and Phil dismissed himself, sitting back in his chair. He listened as his father told the jury to discuss amongst themselves, tilting his head and staring at the ceiling. He didn’t want to be here anymore. He was on edge, lips draw and cracked from gnawing on them, and his nails were split from digging them into the wooden throne. His eyes were burning with the need to cry and his heart was burning and all he wanted was to be sitting on Rose Mountain with Dan, listening to him humming as Atlas and Ophelia played together. He didn’t like that Atlas and Ophelia, a familiar presence in his life, were now nowhere to be found. He didn’t like that Dan was so near to him but completely out of his touch.

The chandelier above him was rocking minisculely, so tiny that he had to concentrate to notice it. It cast light over the walls, made shadows dance to their own imaginary tunes. While the shadows were carefree in their movements, the chandelier was bolted to the ceiling, never to be set free, only able to move to the music by a millimeter.

Phil felt like that chandelier at the moment.

“A decision has been made,” Phil’s father suddenly announced, walking back to the center of the room. Everybody straightened in their chairs, including Dan, who had tried to seem uninterested but was failing miserably.

Phil held his breath, shut his eyes. Please be set free, please be set free.

The King took a deep breath and it echoed around the hall. The room was so quiet that Phil could hear his own heart thundering in his ears. Or maybe that’s because his ears were ringing and blocking out any noise from anything other than his father’s voice.

“Daniel Howell’s execution will be held at sunset in the morrow.”

Phil’s heart did a weird thing where it raised to his throat and dropped to his stomach at the same exact time. As the people started to trickle out of the room and the guards grabbed Dan’s shoulders, Phil could only see black edges around his line of vision and Dan’s paled face. He was frowning. Actually frowning. Phil had never seen Dan frown. Not in a serious way at least. Not in the way that his eyebrows furrowed and his entire face sagged and the dimple in his cheek had completely disappeared and Phil couldn’t lose him.

Phil couldn’t lose him.

“No,” Phil whispered, and then louder, “No. I won’t allow you to do this, father.” He flung to his feet, stumbling, and in an act of déjà vu, flung himself at Dan. This time, the guards tried to stop him, but his father waved them away, told them to give him some time.

Then Phil was right in front of Dan, right up in his space, touching his face, and everything felt right being so close again, but completely wrong because Dan was going to die and Phil didn’t know what to do. Dan’s eyes were pools of liquid caramel on a hot day and Phil was stuck in an endless black ocean, hoping to drown but unable to sink.

He grabbed Dan’s face, cradled it in his palms, ran his fingers over his cheekbones and over his eyebrows and through his hair. Dan closed his eyes and swallowed audibly, and Phil couldn’t take this anymore. As Dan tilted his head, giving Phil’s palm a light, tender kiss, Phil’s tears finally fell, staining his cheeks and splattering on the marble floor like droplets of blood.

“Don’t cry,” Dan whispered, and he moved his arm as if to touch Phil's cheek, only to stop at the pull of the handcuffs around his wrists. Instead, he ran his foot over Phil’s calf in a way that probably looked silly, but was instead more comforting. “I’m not worthy of your tears, my Prince.” This time, when he addressed Phil by his title, Phil knew that he did not mean it out of respect. He meant it as an endearment, the term soft in his mouth, teling Phil that he was Dan’s prince, that Phil had Dan’s entire heart and soul.

Phil only cried harder, and he didn’t care if there were people watching. He knew that people were still there, watching what was happening with curious expressions on their faces, knew that they were shocked - both because there had been a murder and because Phil was currently sobbing into this strange man’s chest. He wrapped his arms around Dan’s shoulders and pulled him close, burying his head into his neck and sobbing hysterically. “I- I don’t want you t-to leave me,” Phil whimpered out as Dan nuzzled his nose into Phil’s collarbone. “We w-were supposed to ha-ave forever.”

“We do,” Dan whispered softly. “I’ll wait for you for an eternity. I’ll haunt your ass so you don’t forget me.”

It was screwed up and Phil was aware, but he laughed anyways. It was a bitter laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. He couldn’t believe this was happening to them, that Dan could be set for execution solely because he had a dragon that resembled the rogue beast. Benevolent King, Phil’s ass. “I could never forget you,” Phil told him sincerely. He leaned in closer, speaking into Dan’s ear so that nobody else could hear. “I’ll fight for you. I won’t let them take away the only thing I’ve cared about for years. I’ll get you out.” He backed away and looked into Dan’s eyes, mustering up his best smile that was probably pathetic due to his tear-stained face and swollen eyes. “Wait for me.”

Dan grinned, eyes glossy and full of sorrow. “I’ll always wait for you,” he replied, voice breaking.

The guards grabbed Dan’s arms once more and aggressively pulled him away. Dan went willingly, bowing his head, and Phil could do nothing but watch as his heart went with him. When they were halfway towards the doors, Phil broke down again, and he could hardly be thankful that most of the citizens had already left when he was sinking to his knees and wailing into his hands. He felt truly and utterly pathetic, but there was no amount of words that could describe the pain he was feeling right then.

Loss for the only person he’d cared for in years. Sorrow for Dan and the dragons. Helplessness because he can’t do anything about it. Betrayal for his father taking away the things he cared about.

His father, who was now putting a hand on his shoulder and saying his name in a soft tone.

Phil yanked his shoulder out of his father’s grip and shuffled away from him like a wounded animal. He certainly looked like one. “Don’t fucking touch me, traitor,” he spat accusingly. “I can’t even fucking look at you right now after what you’ve done to me.”

His mum was standing behind his father, hovering, but Phil had no doubt that she was staying back because this was a conversation that Phil needed to have with his father, not her. Thankfully, the King took a step away, giving his son some space. But he did not stop talking. “I know you are upset with me right now, son, and I do not blame you. I know it is hard losing somebody you care about.”

Phil lost it. He stood up, throwing his hands in the air, and then he was jabbing his father in the chest with his finger, pushing him back slightly. “No, you don’t understand, father,” Phil snarled, staring straight into those blue eyes that were exactly like his own. Phil wanted to tear his eyes out and never remind himself of the parts of himself that resembled his father. “I didn’t just care about Dan. I loved him.” Phil froze with the words that seemed to have come out of his mouth before he could even think about it. He grit his teeth, could feel his eyes well up with tears for a moment because this was the first time he’s ever said something like that and it was under a circumstance such as this. “I loved all of him, all of his creatures. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve loved somebody?” Phil laughed bitterly, throwing his head back. “Fuck, I can’t even think about the last time I loved somebody. I don’t know if I ever had before Dan came. And yet you ripped it up right in front of me, decided to have an innocent man executed without plausible evidence. How does that make you feel, knowing you slaughtered an innocent civilian? Does it make you feel good? Proud? Are you just jumping for joy that you murdered the very person I was planning to marry?”

The guards were pointing their swords at Phil, as though he were the crazy one trying to murder somebody. Phil was no murderer, but he sure felt murderous right then as his father’s eyes turned downward and filled with fake sorrow. His beard was long and gray and made his downturned lips look even more intense. Phil hated it. Phil wanted to smack the look off his face and grab him by the shoulders and scream until his voice went out.

“If I was able to handle the situation in a different way, then I would. Believe me. But there is nothing I can do about it now.”

That made Phil cackle. “Nothing you can do?! You’re the King! You can do whatever you want and you don’t have to explain! Do what Dan’s old King did to his family and murder all of their youngest children! That’s all you’re good for anyway!” Phil shook his head and began to back away. He couldn’t believe that he was saying these things to his father. But more, he couldn’t believe his father was letting him. “I’m going to prove you wrong. I’m going to do your fucking job and find evidence to support who the true killer is. And when you realise that you were wrong, you’re going to have to do more than just apologise for the mess you’ve made.”

Turning, ignoring his father’s calls for him to come back, Phil ran out of the gathering hall, heart roaring in his ears. Before he could exit completely, Phil paused in the doorway. He made eye contact with his father from across the room and sneered. “Have a fantastic day, King Henry. Hope you sleep well tonight.” And then he grabbed the family crest that was pinning his robes together, tore it out of the fabric, and threw it at the ground. As his robes fell from his shoulders, leaving him in his trousers and a white button-up, Phil felt almost as wild as Dan. “The Lester name is a disgrace and I won’t be associated with it anymore.”

The door slammed shut as he fled from the room, the noise rattling the walls, and Phil found that he didn’t care. His chest felt tight, his face was blotched and red, and the man he finally admitted he loved was locked in the dungeons, awaiting his death.

But Phil couldn’t spend time being sad. If he wanted to find evidence before tomorrow evening, he was going to have to work without feeling.

Good thing that stuffing up his feelings was something he was used to.

It wasn’t long before Phil found himself in the dungeons.

His father must have told the guards to leave him alone, because they didn’t try to stop him at all, just stepped aside to let him through. Or maybe they were aware that if they told him no, then Phil would throw the biggest temper tantrum that he’d ever had and throw each of them against the wall. Phil knew he could do it. They knew he could do it. Maybe it was just for the best that they let him inside.

He made his way through the tunnels blindly, peeking into each cell to try and find which one Dan was in. Most of the cells were empty, thanks to the lack of crime in Lilium, but here and there he found a bone or two that seemed suspiciously like human bones.

He came across Atlas and Ophelia first, the only dragons as of yet that had been detained.

Atlas leaped at the bars like an excited dog, making a happy noise as he tried to lick Phil’s face excitedly. Phil laughed and told him to get down, petting his head and giving him a quick smooch. Ophelia was Atlas’ back, clinging on for dear life as he jumped around wildly.

“Simmer down,” Phil murmured. “Do you know where Dan is? I need to get to him so I get get you guys out of here.”

Ophelia was the one who answered, Atlas too excited to be able to say anything. “He’s past here, about twenty cells away. They didn’t want him to be able to talk to us.”

Phil smiled at her. “Thank you. I’ll be back for you soon, okay? Hang in there.”

With that, he turned and began to walk down the halls once more, in search for the cell which held Dan.

When Phil saw Dan, his breathing completely stopped and it felt like he had seen him for the first time again. His heart started to pound in his chest, his face flushed, his palms began to perspire. He opened his mouth and found that he couldn’t talk. He went to move forward, but his legs couldn’t move. He was frozen in place, gaping at the man whom he loved, slouched against the wall of the cell.

Phil had never seen Dan so worn out, so defeated. Whenever he was with him, Dan always had this strong demeanor to him, as though he could take on whatever got thrown his way. He was fiery and strong, the grin on his face making him seem as big as the mountains in which he lived. He was rowdy and untamed, a dancing flame in the dark.

And yet, as he sat in the dark cell, only a candle lighting the space with a dim ember, Phil couldn’t help but feel as though his fire was dying out, being sucked into the very concrete in which he sat.

His lips were downturned, his eyes staring at the wall. They were chapped and pale and his eyes had dark circles underneath them. His hair, which was typically a tamed unruly, was now a complete mess atop his head. He must have hidden his emotions extremely well in the courtroom, but now, with nobody around, he let his walls crumble to reveal the agony that was poisoning his bones.

“Dan,” Phil whispered, stepping forward. The walls echoed with his footsteps and Dan glanced up.

Immediately, like a switch, Dan was hopping to his feet and grinning as though nothing was wrong. Phil’s heart hurt, his head hurt, his soul hurt. Phil wanted to take him in his arms, but he couldn’t. Not when there was iron separating them and a key hidden in the King’s robes. “Phil! My Prince! What are you doing down here? Did your father not tell you to stay away?”

Phil chuckled bitterly, even though the situation was not funny in the slightest. He was filled with anger once more, anger because he could not help Dan, because he was one of the most powerful beings in the kingdom and yet he still had no say in most things. “Fuck what my father says, I don’t give a shit anymore,” Phil hissed out. He didn’t miss the way Dan’s eyebrows raised in surprise. Typically Phil spoke in a relatively good manner. He made sure to enunciate his words and to speak properly to show that he was above all other citizens. But right now, Phil couldn’t find the energy in him to speak well when he was angry and hurt and betrayed by his own father, the man who raised him. “But enough about me. Are you okay?”

“I’m in a dungeon,” Dan noted brightly.

“I noticed,” Phil replied flatly. He reached through the bars and grabbed Dan’s hand in his own. When he held it, he could feel the dryness of Dan’s knuckles, how they cracked under his touch. He needed some lotion fast. “Dan, you don’t have to pretend to be okay if you’re not. I’m here for you just as much as you are for me. I won’t just leave you down here, okay?”

Dan sighed and then he was rocking back on his heels, staring up at the ceiling. The candle made shadows dance across his face and he looked a bit like a crazed ghost. “I know,” he said softly. “I’m trying to appear happy because I’m attempting to keep it together. I thought it might help, but so far it has not. Maybe if I keep trying…”

Phil shook his head, irked. “No.”

“No?”

“No,” Phil confirmed, and he squeezed Dan’s hand tightly. Painfully. He couldn’t let Dan keep pretending not to feel, trapping everything inside of himself. “Do you know how unhealthy that is? How much that can destroy you? You need to talk to others about how you feel. You need to show it. If you just hide behind a mask, it’s going to eat you alive. And how the hell am I supposed to help if I never even know what you’re thinking right now?!” By now, Phil was tearing up. His eyes were wet and he could already feel himself teetering on the edge of a breakdown. He closed his eyes. Not again. Not again.

There were fingers on his cheek then, wiping away the liquid from his skin. Phil relaxed into the touch, pressed his lips to Dan’s palm. Oh, how he wished that he could feel Dan’s lips against his. “I don’t think you have to worry about it destroying me,” Dan said quietly. Phil opened his eyes and squinted at him. Dan smiled back sheepishly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m going to be dead tomorrow, love.”

Phil shook his head and grabbed Dan’s wrist, pulling him as far up to the bars as he could be. Dan��s face was pressed against the bars, his nose poking between the spaces. His eyes were wide and confused when Phil said, “No you fucking won’t,” in a low growl.

“Yes I will? I was there when your father ordered it.”

Phil looked him dead in the eyes. His face was so close to Dan’s that he could feel his breath against his lips, but Phil was so focused on the fire in his heart to notice. “I won’t let them take away the one thing I truly care about in this world. I’m going to get you out of this.”

“How?” Dan asked breathily. His eyes were glazed over, and Phil couldn’t tell if he was about to cry or if it was because they were so close.

Now that was a question Phil hadn’t figured out the details to quite yet. He lowered his voice so that no guard could overhear him when he answered, nonetheless. “I’m going to find out who did this and I’m going to prove that it wasn’t you. I will die before I see the day that you are hanged, Daniel Howell. I made a promise to court you, and I don’t plan on breaking that promise just yet.”

Dan giggled, a truly delightful sound in the dryness of the dungeons. His eyes were glittering in the half light and he was oh, so beautiful. “And yet you told me that you didn’t know how to court somebody,” he teased, his fingers reaching through the bars to grasp at Phil’s robes. His thumb ran over the groove in Phil’s breast in which he typically wore the Lester crest. Dan didn’t say anything, just looked glanced up at Phil through his eyelashes and smiled sheepishly. “Can you fulfil a request for me?” he asked softly.

Phil was nodding before he even finished the question. At this point, he would do anything to see Dan happy. There was no doubt about that.

“I hate the thought of possibly dying without having the opportunity to kiss somebody.”

Phil’s cheeks went up in flames and he resisted the urge to duck his head. He resorted to teasing instead, tugging on Dan’s fingers to rest his hand on Phil’s heart. “Is that so? Just anybody would do, then?”

Dan hummed and pouted, eyes heavy and pleading. “Well not just anybody, I suppose. It’s gotta be someone I like, I guess.” He pressed down on Phil’s heart and Phil was sure that he could feel the way it was pounding under his touch with nerves. Phil would bet a million dollars that Dan was also nervous as well, even if he didn’t show it.

Leaning forward slightly, Phil bumped his nose against Dan’s and then nuzzled them together like a rabbit. His voice was soft when he spoke next, like he didn’t want to shatter the air around them. “Will I suffice, then?” he asked.

Dan nodded. “You’ll suffice for now.” Then he was leaning forward, pressing his face to the metal bars so that his nose and lips were sticking through them. Closing his eyes, he puckered his lips, waiting. Now it was Phil’s turn to make a decision.

Did he want to kiss Dan? Of course, that wasn’t even a question. But did he want to kiss Dan for the first time through bars? Preferably no. He wanted to be able to hold him, to deepen their kiss, to show this man just how much he meant to him. He couldn’t exactly do that through bars.

However, If Phil had to choose between living his life without ever kissing Dan or just kissing him through the goddamn bars, Phil would pick the latter any time.

With his heart pounding in his ears, his blood rushing through his veins, Phil leaned forward and put his forehead on the bars. He tilted his head slightly so he would be able to reach Dan’s lips past his nose, and then he closed the distance between them.

Phil didn’t get what the big deal was about kissing. Sure, his palms were sweating, his lungs felt like they were about to give out, and his whole body was warm, but he didn’t see fireworks light up behind his eyes. His didn’t feel static electricity. All he felt was Dan’s lips against his, chapped and warm, and his fingertips gripping Phil’s face to pull him closer - as close as he possibly could with bars between them, anyways.

Somehow, Phil felt like this was a much better feeling than those fireworks or static electricity.

When they pulled away, Dan’s eyelids were half shut and his mouth was open slightly. There was a pink tinge on his cheeks and he was so pretty that Phil wanted to cry. “Now that I’ve tasted you, I won’t go another day without kissing you again,” Phil told him. A promise, one that he meant to keep for once. The emotions he’d felt while kissing were simply not going to go away.

“In that case,” Dan murmured, leaning forward again and pecking Phil on the lips lightly. “You should get going. Find some evidence to set me free. We can kiss again later.”

Phil sighed, but nodded reluctantly. He knew that it was time to get going, to finally go on a quest to figure out what had actually happened. It was time to set Dan free once and for all. “I do,” he replied, backing away. He took Dan’s hand off of his chest, squeezed it, and then let Dan retract it back through the bars. “I’ll come see you as soon as I can okay? I swear to God I won’t let you die yet.”

Dan smiled bitterly. “We can hope.”

Phil wanted to promise. He wanted to tell Dan that nothing would happen, that he would die before he let Dan get hanged. But the truth was, Phil couldn’t really change anything unless he found sufficient evidence. He had less than twenty-four hours to find out who the dragon is, to convince his father that Dan hadn’t done anything. In that amount of time, Phil was doubting himself quite a lot. But he wouldn’t let that stop him from trying.

Instead, he nodded and backed away in order to stop himself from kissing Dan once more. “I’ll do my best and I’ll come see you again soon. Hopefully you’ll be out by then.”

Dan nodded, stepping away from the gate. “Stop chatting and go, my Prince,” he teased, and Phil chuckled and shook his head.

“I’ll be back,” he promised, and then he left Dan behind along with his bleeding heart.

He walked back through the tunnels, his eyes drawn downward. He could hear footsteps behind him, ones that were light and belonged to Lennyx. There was a question in the tip of his tongue, which he ended up blurting out. “Lennyx,” he started. “Whose side are you on? My father’s? Or mine?”

Lennyx paused for a millisecond before replying. “I was assigned to serve you, Prince. My loyalty will never change and I will always protect you until the day I die.”

That was always her answer, so it didn’t surprise him in the slightest. Lennyx was a good egg and Phil could trust her with all of his secrets. Which was why he wasn’t concerned with her knowledge of his relationship with Dan. “Have you ever been in love before?”

He could imagine Lennyx shaking her head, blonde hair whipping around her face. The metal around her neck clanked together. “No, my lord, and I don’t think I will ever be.” Hesitation. “However I know how hard it is for a loving person to lose somebody they care about. While I can’t relate, I sympathize with you.”

That was news to Phil, but at the same time it didn’t seem like a long shot at all. Phil had known Lennyx for nearly his entire life and she had never shown romantic interest. He’d always just been too focused on himself to notice. He’s heard of people not being romantically attracted to anybody before, and briefly wondered if that was Lennyx. But then he realised that it didn’t matter, that Lennyx was out there living her life how she wanted to, and Phil wasn’t going to butt in.

He turned his head and looked at her, found a small smile on her face. “You’re happy, right? Even though this is your job?”

Lennyx chuckled and nodded, blue eyes shining. “Through you, I have found trust, friendship, and loyalty. Even though this is my job, you have provided me and my family a space to live when we had nothing, and food on our table to eat. You may act all tough, but then you open up to me at 4 in the morning about your feelings. I could not ask for a better honour, Prince Philip.”

Phil sighed, his heart swelling in his chest and his eyes wet. He never knew that someone else respected him so much; and now he was realising just how much he respected Lennyx as well. He sure was lucky. “Please, just call me Phil.”

“But Prince-” Lennyx interjected, only to stop when Phil put his hand up to stop her, shaking his head.

“That’s an order,” he joked, which made Lennyx laugh again.

“Whatever you say, Phil.”

Part Three

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #botanistlester #botanistfics #phandom #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #gay #dan and phil #phan chaptered #phan angst #bury your flame #byf

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dvp95 · 5 years

Text

quiet on widow’s peak (6)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 2.9k (this chapter), 19.7k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Hope my friends and I didn't make things weird for you yesterday. We're heading to the city around noon if you're still up for helping us with the boring part.

noon?? fucking alright i guess i gotta put pants on

lmao yeah, sorry. My parents woke us up at EIGHT like that's a normal time to be awake????

desgostang

What?

ill send u the link later and also no i didnt feel weird yesterday you guys are nice

That's good! And hey I wanted to ask. You were kind of put on the spot with introducing yourself, would you rather we called you Dan or Winnie? I just wanna make sure we aren't making you uncomfortable at all lmao

no its all fine you can call me dan idc and actually its best if you do call me dan when youre in my work lmao

Are you totally sure?

why would i lie abt this. dont be an idiot it isnt a good look on you

haha okay. I’ll see you around noon.

“Christopher is a nice boy,” Phil’s mum is telling him as she helps him with their fancy new coffeemaker. There are so many buttons and Phil is so, so tired. “And Sophie is lovely, such a soft-spoken thing. Why haven’t we met them before, dear?”

“Dunno,” Phil says instead of the truth, which is that he’d had no idea how he was supposed to introduce them. “You have now, though.”

His mum laughs and reaches up to pat his cheek. “True enough. I’m so happy that you’ve got good people around you, Philip. I’ve gotten quite worried about you down there by yourself, you know.”

“I’m not by myself,” says Phil. “I live with, like, thirty people.”

“Bunch of strangers, I’ll bet,” she says, because she knows him. “Aside from those three.”

The thing is, she’s not wrong. Phil’s obviously exaggerating about the number of people under the roof of the creaky Brighton house, but the truth is that he can’t keep track half the time. A lot of the rooms get sublet out randomly, or a significant other will start spending so much time around the place that they might as well pay rent, and Phil really isn’t good with new people. He gets along fine with Holly and Dave, but they’ve been there as long as he has and the closest they’ve ever come to a heart-to-heart was comparing anxiety meds over burned pancakes.

Chris and Sophie were there when Phil moved in, and they’d taken one look at him and decided to just keep shoving into his space until he liked having them there, like they were on a mission to adopt PJ’s sad, ghost-obsessed friend from the internet.

“You might be right,” Phil says, feeling a smile tug at his lips for the first time all morning. He’s already had a coffee - and a half, when PJ declared that not even Kath could make coffee taste good and shoved the rest of his Phil’s way - but he still doesn’t feel fully awake. “I’m only really friends with Chris and Soph because of PJ.”

“PJ is a good friend to you, isn’t he?” his mum hums. That slightly pointed tone doesn’t get to Phil the way it usually does, because he knows that she’s just trying to understand him.

It doesn’t escape Phil’s notice that he’s looking into a mirror whenever he sees his parents watching him carefully, waiting for him to tell them something he hasn’t explicitly said, because he’s been doing the exact same thing to his housemates for nearly two years.

Maybe he’ll tell his parents when he’s got someone serious or even, like, semi-serious. Longer than two dates would be a record at this point. But right now he already feels like he’s been one misstep away from disappointing them, and he doesn’t want to take the gamble that his sexuality will be that misstep.

He’s not up for this conversation, though, isn’t sure he’ll ever be, so he just says, “Yeah, he is.”

Dan is late. They’re so late, actually, that Phil’s wheel of worst case scenarios has been spinning silently and getting faster and faster the more caffeine he chugs. They roll in with flushed cheeks and a jacket that looks too thin, apologies on their shiny lips that Phil doesn’t even hear for a couple of seconds because he’s too busy staring at them.

“No worries,” Sophie says, interrupting their rambling before they lose another half hour to it. “You want something? I’m getting a refill.”

“No, no, let me,” says Dan. They shrug off their jacket and hang it on one of the empty chairs. Phil and his friends have co-opted the largest table in the place so they can spread out with their laptops and notebooks, and it doesn’t escape Phil’s notice that Dan has decided to sit next to him when they’ve got a couple of options. “I get free drinks if Gabe’s in a good mood. Anyone else need a refill?”

“Me,” Chris says, not looking up from his screen. “Not Phil. He’s cut off.”

“Hey,” Phil protests weakly. His heart rate really has picked up since they sat down, so he knows Chris has a point.

Dan grins, their soft cheeks giving way to the dimples that Phil is very quickly growing obsessed with. He just wants to make Dan smile and laugh constantly, to hear them cackle and see all the lines in their round face deepen with happiness.

Right. Phil watched a horror movie with PJ instead of unpacking this fluttering start of a crush last night, and now he’s just got to deal with it for the rest of the day.

As if it’s a compulsion, Dan clears the empty mugs from their table before heading up to the counter. Phil focuses on the EMF readings so he doesn’t get caught up on Dan holding four mugs by the handles with total ease.

PJ has got headphones on and his eyes closed, so he might not even have noticed that Dan is there. He’s been going through Sophie’s footage and his own audio recordings to try and find some anomalies while Chris looks for the weird visual stuff - they’re a great team at that, and it makes Phil feel like he’s not doing enough. Sure, he could find those things on his own, but not as quickly as they can when it’s a team effort, and they’re on a bit of a tight schedule here. Well, his housemates are. They’ve got actual jobs to get back to once the weekend is over.

Allegedly, Sophie is doing research on sigils, but it looks to Phil like she’s just doodling. Not that he really blames her if she is. He’s barely been paying attention to the chart he’s making of spikes in electromagnetism because he’s been so busy watching the door for Dan.

And Dan looks… good. They’re wearing chunky boots and a shirt that falls to their thighs - a dress, maybe, but it looks like a regular black t-shirt that got extended at the hem - with tight white jeans. The only colour on them is the plaid shirt around their waist and the shiny red product on their lips to match it. Phil watches them lean against the counter and grin at the older barista, and he’s so distracted by looking at their profile that he startles when a foot connects with his under the table.

“Stop staring,” Sophie says, quiet and smiling. “He’s going to notice.”

Phil considers correcting her, but then he remembers that he probably doesn’t have to. Dan had said any pronouns, that they didn’t care how they were referred to, so it would definitely be weirder to act like he knows better than Sophie.

He knows he won’t be able to use masculine terms for Dan. Not because they aren’t true, because he’s pretty sure they’re no less accurate than neutral or feminine would be, but because thinking of Dan as a maculine person is only going to allow Phil’s brain to fall into the familiar traps of gender in ways he doesn’t want to allow.

Gay monkey brain doesn’t need any more leeway in finding Dan attractive, that’s for damn sure.

“So, what are we doing?” Dan asks, interrupting Phil’s thoughts, and, wow, four mugs is a lot more impressive when they’re full of hot liquid. Phil marvels at Dan’s ability not to trip and spill it all as they dole out the coffee and teas.

“I’m doing the boring part,” says Phil. He turns his screen so Dan can see the Excel spreadsheet and laughs at the face they make. “Yeah. It's not glamorous, but it's the easiest way to find patterns in the EMF readings. Honestly, most of my job is just staring at things and finding patterns in them. Like, uh, what's that guy? With the butterfly splotches?"

"Worcestershire," Chris suggests.

"Rorschach," Dan corrects him, lips twitching like they aren't sure if they're allowed to laugh in Chris' face or not.

“That’s exactly what I said,” says Chris.

“You know EMF meters don’t have anything to do with ghosts, right?” Dan asks, ignoring Chris completely and leaning a bit closer to Phil to get a better look at his laptop. “I mean, none of this has anything to do with ghosts, really, but you’re more or less just measuring electricity.”

Phil is aware of that. He wonders if Dan thinks he just stumbles into haunted houses with equipment he hasn’t researched and waits to be spooked. He’s too distracted by how close Dan is and how good they smell to work up to proper offense, though. “Yeah,” he says simply. “But don’t you think it’s weird that the place still has electricity to begin with? Who’s paying for that?”

“A Wilkins, I’d imagine.”

“But why? If they’ve forgotten about the property or abandoned it on purpose, surely they wouldn’t still pay the bills.”

“Maybe they don’t handle their own finances,” Dan suggests. “How rich were these assholes?”

“I honestly don’t know,” says Phil. He taps his fingers in an erratic pattern on the edge of his laptop, trying to spark something in his mind.

It’s almost disappointing when Dan pulls away to dig out their own sleek Macbook out of their messenger bag, but Phil is also glad for it. He can think a lot easier when the warm scent of spice and mint isn’t clogging his brain.

Dan slots into the work as easily as if a space was left for them. They’ve got dozens of tabs open already and they start to go through them, cross-referencing magic things with Sophie in quiet tones and digging deeper into the Wilkins family than Phil ever would have thought to. Every so often they tap Phil on the arm and drag him into whatever rabbithole they’ve fallen down, chatting animatedly.

Phil knows, objectively, that Dan is a fan of his and that Dan is weird about research. It’s another thing entirely to watch it happen in real time, to see Dan pull up local census PDFs from the eighties and explain why chaos magic is bullshit in the same breath.

An hour or so goes by like that, all of them working on their own things with minimal words exchanged by everybody but Dan, and then Chris shouts loud enough to make the barista jump. Nobody else is in the coffee shop right now, which is lucky, because Dan’s got a hand over their chest and Sophie has slopped tea down her front. PJ, with his headphones on, simply cracks an eye open.

“What the fuck was that about?” Phil asks, putting his own palm against his chest to feel his heart race. Dan raises their eyebrows and looks at Phil, seemingly distracted from the startling, wordless exclamation.

They don’t get a chance to say whatever they’re thinking, though, because Chris is turning his laptop to the rest of the table and grinning wide like the Cheshire Cat. “I found something.”

Everybody gathers round, PJ getting up to lean over the back of Phil’s chair and Sophie getting so far into Dan’s personal space that Phil is certain they’re uncomfortable with it, and then Chris presses play upside down. It’s part of Sophie’s footage, Phil standing in the dim foyer and looking frustrated. Even without sound, Phil can tell that this is when he was arguing with Sophie about going upstairs. He squints, but he can’t see whatever it is that’s got Chris being so loud.

“What am I looking at?” PJ asks when the short clip ends, and Dan hums an agreement. Chris makes a frustrated noise like they’re being obtuse on purpose and rewinds to the beginning.

"There," Chris says, excited like he hasn't been since they got to Manchester. He taps his finger against the laptop screen. "D'you see it? D'you see the shadow?"

Now that Chris has pointed it out, Phil does see something. He moves his own laptop and notebook out of the way to pull Chris’ closer with a frown. Chris lets him do that, bouncing in his seat a little bit.

“That’s straight up a person,” Phil says slowly, tracing the outline of the shadow with the mouse. It’s behind him, in the entry to the kitchen, and it looks tall. Quite a bit taller than Phil, anyway, if he’s remembering that doorframe correctly. He decides to measure it next time they go so he isn’t going off memory. “I knew we weren’t alone in there. Like. I’m not crazy, that’s a human being.”

“That’s what I thought,” says Chris. “But press play.”

So Phil presses play. He watches the shadow stay perfectly still in the kitchen doorway until, suddenly, it’s not there anymore. He blinks, rewinds, and watches it disappear again.

Phil’s caffeinated brain is firing on all cylinders now. He grins and shoves his sleeves up to his elbows before he starts fiddling with the clip. The lighting gets played with until the shadow is more obvious and then he slows it down to 0.25 times speed to see if the shadow really just vanishes.

He presses play again. This time, with a very slow-motion Phil talking in the foreground, he sees the shadow move. It runs sideways, further into the house.

“What the fuck?” Dan breathes.

“We are not going back there without some serious protection,” PJ says, even firmer on the topic now.

“What, like sigils?” Dan asks, their pretty eyes wide even as they scoff. “You’d be better off with a fucking, like, baseball bat, mate. That doesn’t look like something that wants to be your friend.”

“I’ve got a crowbar in PJ’s trunk,” Phil says, absent-minded as he plays with the clip some more.

“Excuse me? When did you put that in my car?”

“Couple months ago.”

“Huh. How have I not noticed?”

“You’re not the most observant person I’ve ever met,” says Phil. He looks up at Chris, who’s got the same exhilarated look that Phil is sure he’s mirroring. They don’t get evidence like this very often, something so clearly there that it’s even got a skeptic’s mind racing. Phil exports the edited clip and then the original, putting them both into the Cloud and emailing them to himself. “Was this the only time you saw it?”

Chris nods, accepting his laptop back when Phil is done with it. “I’ll look through everything again, now that I know what I’m looking for and all, but I think that’s it.”

“Okay, cool.” Phil looks around at his friends and Dan, beaming. “Something weird is happening. I love it when something weird is happening.”

“I hate it when something weird is happening,” PJ says, which is a blatant lie.

“Well, we can’t go snooping around until it’s darker out, anyhow,” Sophie reminds them.

“Wait, we’re snooping?” Dan asks, their voice going up an entire octave in disbelief. “Like… you just saw that someone is there and probably not happy about people sneaking around, right? Don’t you have enough for a video already?”

“We’re spending the night,” says Phil. “It’s what we do.”

“It’s what you do,” PJ corrects him.

“Okay, yeah, you guys don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“No, I’m coming,” says PJ.

As if she can’t hear them bickering, Sophie turns to Dan with a sweet smile, her eyes twinkling with the same excitement in Chris’. They love this, just like Phil does. “What about you, Dan?” she asks. “Are you going to have a ghost sleepover with us?”

“There’s no such thing as ghosts,” Dan says, their eyes still glued to the back of Chris’ laptop like they can see the shadow through it.

“Guess you don’t have anything to be afraid of, then,” says Chris.

“Uh, axe murderers, maybe?”

“We know what we’re doing, Dan,” Phil reassures them. He reaches a hand out to pat at their arm, feeling a bit awkward about it. “But you don’t have to come with us if you’re scared.”

That makes Dan’s gaze shift. Suddenly, those brown eyes are staring right into Phil’s soul, defiant and beautiful and impossible to look away from.

“Who said I was fucking scared?”

#phanfic #phanfiction #dnp fic #words words words #quiet on widow's peak #this chapter is a little short thanks to me prioritizing my mental health BUT i am still happy with it #so i hope you like it too #even if you might think the plot is slow!

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lizzzybooo · 6 years

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One Hundred Ways To Say I Love You

in a relationship, there are 100 different ways to say ‘i love you’. here are some of them.

38. I like your laugh.

thanks to anon for sending a number!

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13208547/chapters/33288867

(based on this post)

**warning** consumption of alcohol

They’re sitting on their porch next to each other. Dan is set on his favorite grey chair and Phil is set on a random, not necessarily his favorite, orange chair. (“I like all the chairs equally Dan, I don’t discriminate,” Phil said to him once, and Dan couldn’t help but smile in response. it was a very Phil thing to say, and all the Phil things never fail to force a smile on his face).

They dragged the chairs from their dining table to the porch outside because they didn’t get to buying porch furniture just yet. Really, it never seemed like enough of a priority. Phil wants a soft, comfortable place he can sit on, while Dan insists it isn’t practical because of the rain. They can never seem to agree on a compromise. But that’s okay, Dan thinks, they can do it after the tour. It doesn’t matter, he’s okay with dragging chairs for a bit. They have time.

They’re drinking wine tonight. Its dark red and rich in flavor and they put it in their nice glasses, just for the fun of it. They don’t do that a lot, not just the two of them at least. They’re social drinkers, usually, drinking when a social obligation calls for it. Phil doesn’t really like wine all that much, and when he drinks it’s usually for the sugary flavor of a nice, overpriced cocktail, and not for the actual alcohol. Dan likes wine just fine, but he doesn’t like it enough to drink by himself, and doesn’t care enough to persuade Phil to join him.

But when earlier that evening Phil suddenly suggested they should open the expensive bottle of wine they got that one time from their management and never looked at again since, Dan really doesn’t object to the idea.

They both feel a little emotional tonight, he supposes. A good, nice kind of emotional. They just finished rehearsing for their tour that day, just finished all the last minute touch-ups and went over all the worst case scenarios. The first show is just a few days away and he can feel the air in their apartment charged with a thick, excited, nervous energy.

He doesn’t feel nervous tonight though. He feels relaxed, his bones heavy in his body and his butt heavy in his grey chair. He feels the nice, slow buzz of the wine spreading from his stomach to his head with every sip, feels Phil’s heavy, relaxed bones just next to him, shoulder touching his own.

“We made it,” Phil says, with no explanation and no following sentences, and Dan isn’t quite sure what he means by that. He could be talking about their tour, and how they’re finally going to start performing their stage show after months of ideas and preparation. After weeks of rehearsals. After what feels like years of anticipation.

He also could be talking about their life in general, Dan supposes. About how they did all they set up to do. How they built this beautiful life together, supporting and loving each other every step of the way. How they made it despite all the obstacles in their way.

Or maybe, he’s just talking about how they made it to the porch with two chairs, two glasses and one expensive bottle of wine.

Either way, his answer is “Yes,” because it’s true no matter what Phil was trying to say. And really, it doesn’t matter all that much, he thinks. At that moment he’s probably willing to agree with everything Phil is going to say. The effect of the wine and the view of Phil’s flushed cheeks is just enough to make him that extra bit of enamored.

And when Phil gives him this look, this ridiculously adoring look that used to make him want to cover his face with his hands (because how could anyone ever look at him like that?), he can’t help but let out a loud bark of laughter.

Nothing is funny, he’s vaguely aware of that, but he’s feeling warm and giddy and in love and his body needs to let some of it out into the world somehow, needs to get rid of the extra emotion piling up in his stomach.

Phil doesn’t seem weirded out though, doesn’t ask Dan what is so funny. His own smile grows wider on his face, stretching his pink lips and making his eyes crinkle in Dan’s favorite way. Really, he can never get enough of those crinkling eyes.

“I like your laugh,” Phil says, reaching to take Dan’s warm hand in his cool one, intertwining their fingers together. Phil hands are always soft, gentle, and Dan rubs his thumb over Phil’s knuckles a few times, just to feel the smooth skin.

“Yeah?” he asks, because his mind is a haze and he can’t stop looking at Phil’s blue blue eyes, and really, there is still a limit on how cliché he's willing to get.

“Yes,” Phil says, and Dan really wants to kiss him.

So he does. His lips first, leaning in and lingering, tasting wine and chocolate (not so surprisingly, Phil tastes of chocolate more often than not), and his hand next, bringing it to his mouth and pressing his lips to it one, two, three times, until Phil let’s out a small giggle and tries to pull away.

“I like your everything,” Dan says then, and something in his mind is aware that he’s being a little ridiculous, but he doesn’t care. Really, he doesn’t. Because if it earns him a smile like the one on Phil’s face in that moment, he thinks it’s more than worth it.

#phan #phanfiction #fluff #one hundred ways to say i love you

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paradisobound · 5 years

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They’ll Tear Us Apart (If You Give Them the Chance)

Summary: Dan was just a fairy in his little village of Vixedeler when a mermaid invades the waters and sends the village into a frenzy. A thousand year old rivalry is resurfaced and Dan is left in the middle of his village while also feeding his new connection with the mermaid, Phil. As tensions rise, and Dan falls deeply for Phil, a Romeo and Juliet love story begins.

Warnings: Mentions of violence and conflict (but not explicitly)

Word Count: 7.3k

This is a Romeo and Juliet au centered around fairy!Dan and mermaid!Phil (but don’t worry! No one dies at the end!)

**Link to the Art** | **Link to Ao3**

Written for the 2019 @phandomreversebang!

Thank you so much to my lovely artist @lovelydeps! It was so much fun working with you and getting your idea for your art and bringing it to life! And your art blew me away! And thanks to my beta’s @partlycharlie and @stockholm-13-syndrome who both looked over the fic for me! And special thanks to @flymetomanchester and @phloridas for being the best cheerleaders whenever it comes to any of my fics! You’re the best :)

The wind whistled through the air as Dan walks slowly through the forest on his way back to his cottage. His hands are full of the fruits and berries he had picked up on his way back.

His feet crinkle a bit in the leaves, but his near weightless body doesn’t really make a sound as he walks. He hums to himself, looking around at all of the trees and little critters around him. A squirrel to his right. A bunny to his left. They never bother him so he never bother them.

Dan figures he could use his wings and fly by to his little cottage, but that takes energy and to be quite honest, Dan’s a bit lazy. Not to mention, he had a run in with a bumble bee a few days ago and he isn’t trying to collide with another one of those fuzzy fellas any time soon.

Dan lives in a quiet little village called Vixedalar, which resides just outside the forest. They share a border with another little village called Estemopia, but they often don’t interact. Dan’s village is very quiet and often isn’t bothered and Dan quite likes that.

He prefers to be alone, sitting in his cottage, sipping Grassroot tea and consuming his berries. Well, he prefers to be alone when he’s not with his friend Lilibeth, but she is often busy in her garden or messing with the mortals in the overlands. Lilibeth likes to change out their babies; although Dan doesn’t like her mischievous actions, he does sometimes laugh at the stories she tells.

His village is near water, which is uncommon for his kind. Dan learnt when he was first taken to the water by his guardians as a youngling - they warned him to never go near it or in it. However, many people in his village fish, which used to leave Dan scratching his head in confusion.

Dan has to pass the water every time he goes back to his cottage from foraging for berries and fruit. He often finds himself staring out at it, as if it’s calling to him, but he never goes to it. He reminds himself of his warnings and just moves on with his time, happily humming and skipping a bit as his wings get excited and he hovers a bit over the ground.

This afternoon is no different. Dan is walking by the water and looking at it from a distance. He lets out a sigh and finds himself smiling. Maybe one day, maybe he’ll cave and go to the water.

Dan is about to turn his head and look back to where he is walking when he sees an odd ruffle in the water. His heart skips a beat and he lets out a loud gasp. What was that in the water? He narrows his eyes a bit and floats up, his wings holding him, and he looks over the water.

The water doesn’t move again, but that doesn’t mean Dan isn’t still curious about what it was. His heart is racing a bit and his wings are beginning to strain. He quickly shuts his eyes and sucks in a breath as his body lessens in size and he flies through the trees as fast he can back to his cottage.

Dan can admit that he’s never been the most graceful with his landings when he goes back to being full bodied, but he certainly tries. This time, he loses a few berries and an apple and huffs in annoyance.

“Never been the most graceful, have you, Dan?”

Dan snickers and turns to his friend Lilibeth. She’s stood in front of her cottage across from his own. Her light colored hair is flowing a bit in the wind, and she has some stray pieces tucked behind her ears. Her wings are looking as beautiful as ever, a bright azure blue with swirls that are unlike anything Dan had ever seen.

When Dan had first seen Lilibeth, he quickly realized how pretty she was, but as they grew up, he realized she was a close friend, not someone he wanted to raise his future family with.

“Never have been and never will be,” Dan says with a chuckle.

Lilibeth waves him off and turns around, wiping her palms on her cloth pants and walking back to the flower garden in the front of her cottage. Dan always envied how well she could grow flowers. He doesn’t do well with that. He’s good at making cures and teas. He’s not good at other things.

Dan cuddles his fruit and berries closer to his chest as he walks up to his cottage door and steps inside. Dan walks over to his table and sets down his food on the wooden surface.

He walks to his tiny little leaf basin of water and rinses off his hands before he grabs a small blade and a wooden bowl and walks back over to his table. He grabs each fruit piece by piece and begins to cut them smaller.

As his blade cuts through each piece, he begins to think more and more about the water. What did he see in the water? It wasn’t a fish - the fish aren’t very big in the water. It had to be something different.

His blade suddenly stops mid-cut and his heart beats fast. Was it a mermaid? He’s only heard of them in stories from his guardians and the whispers around the village.

But surely, a mermaid wouldn’t dare to actually come back into their little village, would it?

Dan shakes his head and lets his hair fall into his eyes a bit before he tucks the stray bit behind his ear. He’ll talk to Lilibeth about what he saw later.

***

Dan visits Lilibeth in her garden a little while later. His berries and fruit were all cut and he even brought a small wooden bowl for Lilibeth to have as well. He walks up behind her and she stands up, turning around and smiling at him.

“Found some good fruit?” she asks and Dan nods. “Let’s bring them inside.”

Dan follows her into her cottage and sits down beside her at her small table. Lilibeth’s cottage is a lot smaller than Dan’s but Dan finds it cozier. His sometimes seems empty when he doesn’t have company.

Lilibeth picks out a fresh berry from the bowl and takes a bite of it. “How did foraging go?”

“It went well,” he says. “Didn’t have to look long before I came about a really good amount of berries.”

“Good!” Lilibeth smiles. “I was speaking with Merrybeth and she mentioned that berries were becoming scarce. She said we might have to rely more on fish soon.”

Dan makes a face. He isn’t nearly as much of a fan of fish as he is other foods; he much prefers fruit over meat. “I’m not fond of that idea.”

“Nor I,” she says.

Dan picks up a berry from the bowl and eats it. He watches Lilibeth reach for one too, and then remembers how she mentioned water. He should mention to her what he saw.

“I saw something in the water,” Dan says.

“In the water?” Lilibeth asks.

Dan nods.

“Yes, I believe it might be a…”

“… a mermaid?” she says, her eyes widening. “Are you sure that is what you saw?”

“I’m not that sure,” Dan admits. “But it was odd.”

“Mermaids aren’t supposed to be able to come into our village,” she says, as if that’s not something Dan already knows.

Dan knows the lore about the mermaids. His kind, the fairies, and the mermaids have been in a war for over 1000 years. They never interact nor do they like each other. Normally when a mermaid comes around, the villagers run them out or threaten worse.

Dan’s guardian used to tell him when he was a child that it was because of a mistake between fairies and mermaids. The fairies were always mischievous and Dan knew that because of Lilibeth and his follow villagers. But one year, way back in the earlier days, a fairy mistakenly took the baby of a mermaid, thinking it was a mortal being. The mermaids found out and sought out the fairy and killed them. It was a sad day in the neighboring village that still thrives at the thought of the fairy who lost their life.

“Are you sure?” Lilibeth asked again. “It’s a bit foolish to claim there is a mermaid and there are none.”

“I’m aware.” Dan says. “I think that is what it was but…”

“Let us go to the water and see.” Lilibeth interrupted, standing up from her stool and extending her hand out.

Dan grabbed onto her hand and pulled himself up. She began to drag him to the door and Dan laughed a bit as her strength yanked him outside of the cottage and dragged him a bit down the pathway towards the forest.

Lilibeth shut her eyes and shrunk down and Dan followed and shrunk down, flying beside her. They zipped through the forest, between the trees and past all of the insect that shared the air with them.

Dan loved flying with Lilibeth. Sometimes he liked flying alone but other days, he’s glad that he has such a good friend like Lilibeth to play around with. He never had many friends as a child but Lilibeth was always there for him.

They flew around for a while until Dan began to feel the telltale signs of exhaustion in his wings and he motioned for Lilibeth that he was going to land. Lilibeth landed next to him and they took a second to catch their breath.

They were both still laughing at their antics when Dan remembered what they were doing in the forest. They were supposed to be going to the water. He looked around to gather his bearings. To his right, he caught sight of the water in the distance and he and Lilibeth began to walk closer to it.

They were almost to the clearing and the water when Dan noticed a ripple in the water again. His breath caught in his throat and his hand came up, instinctively to his chest in surprise. He turned to Lilibeth and her green eyes were staring wide towards the water.

“Did you see that?” She asked, her finger coming out in front of her to point towards the ripple.

Dan nodded.

He continued watching the water for a few more moments before he saw it…a dark blue tail came out of the water and splashed back through the crest, creating a soft splash in its wake.

Dan gasped and Lilibeth made an unsettling noise. They turned to each other and both immediately took off and flew as fast as they could back to their village. They needed to warn the others.

As soon as they land, Lilibeth runs down the pathway to the village center where there is a bustle of other fairies roaming about, bartering their food and selling their fish.

Lilibeth moves through the small crowd of others and stands in the middle of them and picks up her voice. “Dan and I have spotted a mermaid in our waters.” She says. ��We saw it while we were out in the forest frolicking for fruit.”

There is a sudden uproar of voices and everyone seems to be appalled by the word of a mermaid being spotted. A few of the males step forward with their fishing nets in hand and scowl.

“How dare a mermaid invade our waters?” The one spat out, his eyes growing a bit darker in color.

“We must all brace for an impending invasion!” The other one called, his wings suddenly fluttering as he picked up into the air, hovering. “We must prepare for anything they bring. It’s clear that they’re ready to strike us again and we need to be ready.”

Dan felt his mouth opening and shutting, almost as if he wanted to argue and say that he thought that wasn’t true. But he didn’t speak up. He wasn’t too well known in the village like Lilibeth was and he wasn’t going to get into any possible scrabbles with other fairies. Dan knew how stubborn his kind can be.

Slowly, the village began to whisper among each other and Dan found himself in the middle of everyone else as they all spoke about what the mermaids could do to them. It made Dan shudder and wrap his arms around his thin frame, almost as if to protect himself from something that wasn’t even there.

When the sun began to set, and the moon and stars came out, the village broke apart and Dan walked back to his cottage besides Lilibeth. They said their goodnights to each other and went their separate ways.

As Dan washed up in his basin and then redressed, he found himself thinking about the mermaid and if the creature was really as dangerous as everything was telling him they were. He knew from the stories that mermaids could be mean but his kind could be too.

When Dan tucks himself into his bed and wills his eyes to shut, all he can think of is whether or not the mermaid is still in the water, just swimming around, unaware of what was going on in the village.

***

Many moons passed and nothing happened within the village. Most villagers have forgotten that the mermaid was in the water while a few remain on watch some nights by the water to make sure the mermaid didn’t leave.

Dan found himself thinking about the mermaid every time he did anything. When he was out in the village looking to barter for a new shirt, he found himself wondering if the mermaid had ever worn a shirt. When he goes into the forest and picks his berries, he finds himself wanting to go to the water and see if he can see the mermaid again, just to see what they looked like.

He was curious.

When he is out one afternoon and has packed all of his leaves, flowers, and fruit into his leaf knapsack, he finds himself flying to the water. He maneuvers through the branches and trees and surpasses a few bees before he lands on the edge of the water and looks down into it.

He’s stood on a rock on the end, peering at his own reflection in the light pool. A few bugs dance along the top of the water and he giggles as he watches the way they bounce and make little zaps onto the water.

Dan plops down onto his behind and sits with his legs tucked under him. He removes his knapsack from his shoulder and sets it down beside him as he looks at the water and stares with intent to see if he can spot the mermaid. They were probably already gone but Dan was just curious into seeing one that he was eager to sit and watch.

After a few moments of nothing happening, Dan finds himself already getting a bit board so he looks around and finds a stick next to him. He picks it up in his hand and looks it over before he gently pushes it into the water and watches the rippling around it.

He waves the stick around, drawing designs in the water and giggling as he watches so fish come up and try to bit the end of the stick like its bait. As nothing continues to happen, Dan feels himself sigh and let out a breath. The mermaid was definitely gone and he was beginning to doubt that he and Lilibeth even saw it. Maybe their minds had just been playing tricks on them. He really isn’t sure anymore.

Dan moves back and picks the stick out of the water, throwing it off to the side and feeling the splashes of the water until his skin as he does so. He shivers from the cool touch of the water and turns his head to pick up his knapsack when he hears loud splashing in front of him.

He looks up and see’s blue eyes staring at him, just barely peaking over the water with a mop of wet dark hair on top. Dan feels his heart beat erratically and he begins to crawl backwards to escape the edge of the water.

The head suddenly comes up further and Dan lets out a loud gasp as he sees the mermaid in front of him, their webbed hands coming up and swimming in circles to keep the mermaid afloat. Dan watches the creature for a moment before the fear wins out in his head and he wills himself to fly.

He flies as fast as he can back to his cottage and only when he has landed and caught his breath has he realized that he left his knapsack at the water and he was going to need to go into the village for food that night.

***

A knock happens on Dan’s door as he’s mashing some berries in his bowl to create a tea to drink. He stands up from his table and walks over, opening the door to see Lilibeth on the other side.

She was wearing a long skirt today which was unusual for her but Dan had to admit she looked beautiful. She must have bought it in the village or she might have flown to the next village over for it.

“Peter told me that he and Caspian have been on watch at the water every night.” She says, inviting herself in and walking inside. She takes a seat at his table on one of the stools and rests her feet on the stool across from her. “He said that there is a mermaid living in the waters but it doesn’t appear to want any harm.”

“Oh.” Dan finds himself saying as he shuts the door and walks towards her, sitting down opposite.

“Which is a good thing.” She continues. “I’m not sure what our village would do if we had an onslaught of mermaids coming for us. Caspian says that he believes there is only one lone male.”

“I’m aware.” Dan says. “I saw it today.”

“You did?” Lilibeth questioned. “When?”

“Earlier when I was out in the forest getting my food.” Dan says. “I decided to go sit by the water and it came up while I was there. I was too afraid to do anything so I flew away.”

“Did it appear dangerous?” Lilibeth asks

Dan shook his head. “No, but I’m also not sure.”

“What did it look like?” She questioned.

Dan shook his head again. “I didn’t really see.”

“I’m afraid that it has ulterior motives.” She says, keeping up with the original subject. “Although Caspian and Peter both told me that they did not believe the mermaid was harmful, I’m unsure. Why would a mermaid invade our waters? They know their place.”

Dan nodded but he didn’t agree with her. He didn’t believe that the mermaid was harmful because…well, he didn’t really have a good reasoning for it. He just had a feeling that the mermaid wasn’t harmful and he was going to believe it.

“Speaking of,” Lilibeth says, clearing her throat a bit. “Caspian asked me if I would go fishing with him one day.”

Dan felt his lips curl into a smile. “Oh?” He teases. “You and Caspian going to be a family?”

Lilibeth reaches out and shoves his shoulder. “He gave me this skirt as a mating gift.” She says, flattening the fabric onto her legs. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Dan nods because the white fabric weaved with green is stunning against her long white hair and bright eyes. She paired it was a beautiful sheer green top and Dan finds himself staring at how beautiful she looks right now. Almost glowing actually, if you will.

“It’s stunning.” He says. “Where did Caspian get it?”

“He didn’t say.” Lilibeth answered. “But as soon as he gave it to me, I knew I had to accept.”

Dan couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous at Lilibeth and Caspian. He has sort of known that something was going on between them when he would spot Caspian coming out of Lilibeth’s cottage often, sometimes in the morning. He was happy for her, really he was. He knew that they were at the time of their life where mating was something they needed to do but it was hard for Dan to find someone he could see as his mate when he was attracted to…well, males.

He and Lilibeth shared a meal together before she left to tend to her garden and Dan decided he wanted to finish making his teas. Later that night when he was getting washed up to lay down, he found himself thinking about the mermaid again and it’s deep blue eyes that pierced into him.

Dan wanted to see that mermaid again. He was determined to.

***

As the sun is rising the next morning, Dan is already at the edge of the water, tip toeing down the rock to the edge. He hadn’t been able to get any rest the night before. His mind was busy trying to figure out the mermaid. He was still so curious about the creature and as soon as dawn began to break, Dan had gotten up and dressed and flown to the water where he now was.

He was sat on the same rock he had been the day before. This time, he had his feet dangling into the cool water and he was swishing them back and forth, running the water over the tops of his feet. He was laughing a bit at how they tickled but he mostly just liked the feeling of the water running over his feet. He was still doing this when he saw the ripple in the water come from nowhere and suddenly, the same piercing blue eyes were staring up at him from the surface.

Dan draws in a loud breath and looks down at the water and at the creature. He pulls his feet up from the water and tucks them under his body as he kneels and places his hands on the end of the rock in front of him and stares intently, trying to figure out the mermaid.

“Is all you fairies do is stare?”

The voice shocks Dan and he lets out a gasp as his eyes widen and watches the mermaid breach the surface of the water and swim closer, his head fully poking out. Dan moves backwards from the edge of the rock and the mermaid comes up and pushes their arms on the end of the rock, resting their upper body on the edge.

“I’ve never seen your kind before.” Dan says, his voice catching a bit in his throat.

The mermaid scoffs and a small smile ghosts his lips. “I see you all staring at me every night.”

“We don’t mean to do any harm!” Dan quickly says. “It’s just that none of us know what to do with a…”

“A mermaid.” The creature finishes. “Do you have a name?”

Dan nods. “I’m Daniel.”

“I’m Phil.”

Dan looks down and cocks his head to the side. Phil? He’d never heard of a name like that before. It sounds like a mortal name.

“What are you doing in our waters?” Dan asks, his curiosity getting the best of him.

Phil opens his mouth but suddenly the sound of whispers and voices drowns out anything he could have been saying. Dan quickly turns his head and sees a group of his fellow villagers coming towards the water, some with fishing nets and some with what looked like branches poles.

Dan quickly turns back to say something to Phil but Phil is long gone, already swum off somewhere else in the water. Dan quickly stands up and rushes away, ready to fly off and escape the other villagers when his name is called by a deep voice in the group.

“Daniel?” Dan turns his head and sees Caspian standing on the outside with Peter on his right. He’s holding a hand-woven net in his head and his red wings are waving in the air. He walks over to Dan and gives him a questioning look. “What are you doing near the water?”

Dan opened his mouth and quickly thought of the first thing that came to his head. “I was out getting some berries but they began to stain my hands so I came to the water to wash my hands.”

Caspian nodded and cocked his eyebrow. “The water is not safe right now, Daniel. You should be more careful.”

Dan wanted to roll his eyes. He understood that Caspian was a wee bit older than himself but he didn’t like how Caspian treated him like a youngling just because Dan liked to gather berries and fruit and not fish.

“I’m aware.”

“We do not know if the mermaid is dangerous yet so please, do not go to the water unless you have to.” His voice goes soft and he looks around before leaning closer to Dan, his long brown hair falling over his shoulder and nearly into Dan’s face. “I’d hate to tell Lilibeth that we found you at the bottom of the waters.”

Dan swallowed at that thought and furrowed his brows, but nodded nonetheless. He quickly said his agreement to Caspian and then bid his farewell and flew away, feeling completely foolish.

When he lands at his cottage, Lilibeth is walking outside of her own with a leaf filled with water in her hands to water her garden. Dan finds himself walking up to her, coming up behind her as she waters down her plants.

“I went to the waters this morning.” He says to her. “I spoke with the mermaid.”

Lilibeth dropped the leaf on the ground, the water splashing around their feet. She stood up from squatting position and turned to face Dan. “Are you foolish?”

“The mermaid was nice!” He counters. “He told me that his name was Phil. I don’t think he means any harm.”

“Daniel,” She says, her hands coming up in front of her to make a gesture towards Dan. “We do not know if this mermaid is dangerous. Mermaids are manipulative creatures. You need to be careful. You cannot be going to the waters and just accepting this foul creatures friendship.”

“I wasn’t doing that!” Dan counted. “I went to the waters and the mermaid was there and I spoke with him.”

“You’re acting like a fool.” Lilibeth says, her voice tight and harsh. “You’re not thinking.”

“I’m aware of what I’m doing.” Dan says. “I see now harm in the mermaid being there.”

“That’s all fine and well until in one move, it’s slitting your throat.”

“Lilibeth, we don’t know…” Dan stops himself because what he was going to say would just prove her correct. They do not know if Phil is dangerous so in hindsight, Dan shouldn’t be seeing him or even speaking to him. “I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful.”

“I don’t want you getting harmed.” She says. “Caspian warns me of the mermaid all of the time and I’m warning you. Do not befriend him. Treat him like an enemy.”

Dan nods.

“And please, Dan.” She continues. “Do not go to the water and see him.”

Dan doesn’t end up listening to Lilibeth despite her warning him and the next few days, he found himself waiting on the edge of the water for Phil to come and speak to him. A few mornings in a row, Phil did not swim up to Dan but rather just swam closer for a moment before disappearing back into the water. This frustrated Dan immensely.

But then after nearly four mornings of not seeing the mermaid, Dan finally sees him again and they talk for a brief moment before Phil would disappear and Dan would be left all alone again on the rock.

On the fifth day, Dan had been out all afternoon gathering as many fruits and berries he could so he could take them to the town center to barter for new clothes and he found himself going to the water just as the night was beginning to fall. The moon was reflecting brightly in the water and he sat on the same rock he always did and snacked on a few berries as he waited to see Phil.

His eyes eventually grew tired and his body began to collapse in on itself from exhaustion and he found himself laying down the rock to rest. His eyes shut and just as he’s beginning to succumb to his bodies rest, he feels something reach out and touch his hand.

He opens his eyes a bit and sees Phil leaning on the edge of the rock, his hand coming out and resting on top of Dan’s. Dan feels his heart pick up it’s beating as he looks down at Phil.

“You always come every day to see me.” Phil says, his voice gentle. “What do you see in me? You should be afraid.”

Dan picks his head up and bit and looks down into Phil’s blue eyes. “I’m not afraid of you.” He says, his voice wavering a bit. “I know you don’t want to hurt anymore. If you were going to hurt me, you would have already. I like visiting you and seeing you.”

Phil’s lips curled into a slight smile and Dan smiled back, his head resting limply against the rock. Dan looked down at their hands again and he notices that Phil’s hand is not webbed at the moment, it looks just like Dan’s. Dan opens his hand and turns his palm over underneath Phil’s skin. Phil looks down between them and his connects their hands together.

“You don’t treat me like I’m a monster.” Phil says. “I appreciate that.”

“You’re not a monster.” Dan says. “You’re just another being like me.”

When Dan shuts his eyes, no longer again to fight it anymore, his and Phil’s hand is still connected on the rock and Dan feels comfort in knowing he’s gained the trust of such a ‘dangerous’ creature.

Dan feels safe around Phil.

When he wakes up to the bright sunlight, his hand is alone and he’s alone as well. Phil is gone back into the water and Dan is unsure of how long Phil stayed with him but his heart fluttered a bit thinking that maybe Phil had watched over him all night and protected him.

He was beginning to take a liking to the mermaid and it was a bit scary for Dan to think about. He found himself thinking about Phil’s bright eyes and soft smile. He thought about how gentle and kind Phil’s voice had actually been. He thought about the trust in Phil’s voice when he told Dan he appreciated him.

Dan really liked Phil.

If he wasn’t feeling a bit foolish, he might even say that he could see Phil as his mate. Maybe that’s why they were able to appreciate each other so well. On some deep level, they were mates.

Dan felt a bit daft knowing that he was a fairy and really thinking about being a mate to a mermaid after their history of tension between the two but he couldn’t help thinking about it. He thought about how Phil’s lips would fell against his own. He thought about how Phil’s skin would feel against his. He wondered if Phil had a body like his own―he heard mermaids could sometimes walk on land―and if he and Phil could share such intimate moments with each other.

He continues to have these thoughts the rest of the day until Lilibeth comes knowing on his door at dusk, a worried expression on her face. She’s a bit disheveled and her wings and fluttering in worry. “Daniel, they’re planning on slaughtering the mermaid.”

Dan felt his heart shatter and his eyes will up with tears. “What?”

“Caspian and Peter saw the mermaid by you as you slept near the water and they feared that it had plans to do something awful to you. They’re planning on killing him. I just got word.”

“Lilibeth, they can’t kill him!” Dan pleaded. “Phil means no harm!”

“Daniel, I do believe you but Caspian is certain about this and I’m afraid he’s not going to change his mind.”

“I have to go and warn him!” Dan cries. “I need to warn him about this!”

He doesn’t wait for Lilibeth to answer. He just pushes past her out of the cottage and takes off, flying as fast as his wings can go towards the water.

When he lands, he falls to the rock and crawls to the edge. He cups his hands to his mouth and shouts Phil’s name until the mermaid rises from the water and swims near, his blue tail poking behind him out of the water. When he gets to the rock and pulls himself up, Dan reaches down and grabs for his hand.

“Phil, they’re planning on killing you.” He cries. “The fairies in my village think you’re going to harm someone…they’ve already made their decision.”

Phil reaches up and his webbed hands transforms into a normal hand and smoothes its ways through Dan’s hair. “Do not worry.” Phil says. “I’m not afraid of them.”

“But they’re going to kill you!” Dan cried. “They can’t kill you!”

Phil shushed him and rested his hand on Dan’s jaw. “They’re not going to kill me. I won’t let them.”

“They’re strong, Phil. They won’t give up.”

Phil just shushes him again and runs his hand over Dan’s cheek, soothing his crying. “I’m going to be safe, Dan. I promise nothing will happen to me.”

“I know you’re good.” Dan says. “I know you won’t harm anymore and you won’t harm me. I know you wont!”

Phil continued to stroke his cheek and Dan sees Phil’s eyes glistening a bit with his own tears and sadness. Dan sniffles and tries to stop his crying but he lets a few more tears fall. He was just going to know Phil, he didn’t want to lose him yet. He couldn’t.

“I’ll be safe.” Phil repeats.

“Please be safe.” Dan says. “For me.”

“I’ll be safe for you.”

Dan looks down at Phil and finds himself leaning in, ready to connect their lips. He presses his lips against Phil’s mouth and their lips lock as if they were a perfect match. Dan lets out a whimper and pulls back, Phil’s hand still resting on his cheek.

“If you weren’t a mermaid, I’d say you were my mate.” Dan says.

“You are my mate.” Phil says. “I know you were special to me the moment I saw you.”

“Me too.”

Phil smiles at him and then he leans up and they share another kiss. When Dan pulls back, he positions himself so he’s laying down on his stomach and he’s face to face with Phil.

“How did you even get to our waters?” He says. “Mermaids aren’t supposed to know where we are.”

“I got lost from my kind.” Phil says. “I was messing around with a couple of other mermaids and I got separated from them. I swam the full length of the water before I came to land and had to try and find where they went. I can walk on land for short distances so I wandered until i was near exhaustion. I was on the verge of death when I saw your water here and I stumbled in. I never meant to invade your land.”

“I knew you weren’t an invader.” Dan says, his lips curling into a smile. “I knew you didn’t mean any harm.”

“I never would harm anyone unless they wanted to harm me.” Phil says. “I am not a dangerous kind.”

Dan opens his mouth to ask Phil more questions when there is a glowing amber light in the distance. He turns his head and sees fire and torches coming towards the water. There is whispering and shouting coming from there and Dan feels himself begin to panic.

“Phil, they’re coming to kill you! We have to go!” Dan gets up and tries to tug for Phil to get up onto the rock. “Please!”

“I have no where to go, Dan!” Phil cries. “I’ll die if I can’t get back to water.”

“I have a basin at my cottage you can be in! But you can’t stay here.”

“Dan, I don’t think I can…”

“Please!” Dan cries, tears escaping down his cheeks again. “I can’t have you die when I just found my mate.”

Phil looks out towards the glowing amber and then back at Dan and climbs his way up onto the rock. Dan is mesmerized by Phil’s stunning blue and green scaled tale and how it transforms into two lanky legs in front of his eyes.

Despite the fact that Phil is naked, Dan wraps his arm around his waist and hurries him into the forest where they rush as fast as they can. Dan uses the strength he has in his wings to fly them back to his cottage just as he hears Caspian’s deep voice shout to the crowd that tonight, they kill a mermaid.

As soon as they land, Dan hurries Phil into his cottage. Phil is panting and exhausted, barely able to hold himself up. Dan rushes to get the water into his basin and then he helps Phil step inside the water. Once his lower half is coated, Phil visibly relaxes and his tail begins to form again.

Dan breathes a sigh of relief and rests next to the basin where Phil lays back and rests his head against the back, shutting his eyes. Dan reaches up and connects their hands as he lays down on the floor of his cottage and shuts his eyes as well.

***

The next morning, Dan finds his wings a bit crumbled under him as he wakes up to Phil staring at him from the basin. His body is covered with a thin layer of water and Dan can see that he’s struggling to remain submerged in Dan’s small tub.

“I can’t stay here forever.” Phil says. “I can’t live in something this small.”

Dan nods, feeling his chest tighten. “I know.”

“I need to go back to the water but…”

“I’ll talk to the village!” Dan says, sitting up. “I’ll convince them to let you stay here in the water.”

“They want me dead, Dan.”

“I know but, I feel like I can convince them.”

Dan picks himself up and stretches as his wings as he paces around the cottage and tries to figure out how he is going to do this. He eventually takes in a deep breath and heads out of the cottage and into the village center.

Most people are out and about already this morning and Caspian, Peter, and Lilibeth are as well. Caspian is talking loudly to another villager about how he missed his opportunity to kill the mermaid last night and Dan felt a bit sick.

Dan walks over to Caspian and stands in front of him. “You can’t kill Phil.” He says. “You can’t hurt him!”

Caspian’s eyes widen and he cocks his head. “Who is this Phil?”

“The mermaid!” Dan says and everyone around him suddenly stops talking and ceases their movements. “You can’t hurt him!”

“And why can’t I?” Caspian questions. “He’s a dangerous threat to our village and our peace. He needs to leave.”

“No, he doesn’t!” Dan counters. “Phil doesn’t mean any harm! He got lost from his kind and ended up in our waters. He has no idea where he is or where he can go! He needs to stay in those waters to stay alive!”

Caspian let out a laugh and Peter followed. “I have some news for you then, Daniel. The mermaid was not in the water last night. Must be he already left.”

“No.” Dan shook his head and sucked in a breath. “Phil stayed in my cottage last night. He stayed in my washing basin but he can’t stay their forever! He needs the water!” Dan pleads. “He means no harm to anyone and he’ll never lay a hand on me but I believe he is my mate and I would like for him to be able to stay.”

Lilibeth picks up her head and looks at Dan, giving him that knowing glance that Dan has seen her give him so often. She suddenly turns to Caspian and places her delicate hand on his arm. “Let the mermaid stay in the waters.” She says. “He hasn’t harmed anyone yet and I doubt he will. You can let him stay in the waters and if he harms anyone or anything, then we can think of what to do. But it is true that he hasn’t harmed us.”

Caspian looked between them both and let out an exasperated sigh. “Fine. But the moment he hurts anyone, I’ll kill him with my own hands.”

Dan nodded and agreed with a smile because he knows that Phil wouldn’t even harm anyone or anything. Phil just needed a place to live and the waters was perfect for him.

Dan thanked Lilibeth with a hug and then thanked Caspian with a bow and flew back to his cottage as fast as he could. He pushed open the door and rushed inside, yelling Phil’s name as he said, “Phil! They’re allowing you to stay! You can stay in the waters!”

When he doesn’t hear a response, he wanders to his water basin and sees it empty, Phil no longer in sight. His heart shatters in his chest and he falls to his knees as sobs collect in his throat and he cries into his hands.

Phil was gone.

***

Dan doesn’t see Phil for many moons. He finds himself at the edge of the water each morning and night, waiting for Phil to come back. Each day, his heart breaks more and more at the thought of losing Phil and not knowing where he is.

After the fifth day, Dan begins to give up hope.

Dan sits on the edge of the rock, a stick in his hand as he waves it through the water and watches it ripple under his strokes. He continues to draw designs, his tears falling from his cheeks and landing on the rock in front him, splashing the dry stone. He sniffles and his body shakes as his vision blurs more. He misses Phil a lot.

He’s about to leave for the evening and go back to his cottage when something grabs his stick in the water. He gasps and looks down and his face crumples as he see’s Phil’s piercing blue eyes poking out of the water. Without thinking, Dan pushes himself into the water despite his sensitive wings protesting, and he wraps his arms around Phil, holding him close as Phil keeps them afloat with his swimming.

“I thought you left me.” Dan cries.

“I knew I wasn’t wanted by the village.” Phil says. “So I disappeared before they could kill me.”

Dan leaned forward and rested his head on Phils shoulder, his legs swinging in the water to help him swim. “But you’re allowed to be here now!” Dan says. “The villagers told me you could stay! I went back to the cottage to tell you but you were gone.”

Dan pulls back and looks at Phil who is staring at him with wide eyes. “Are you sure?”

Dan nods and smiles. “You’re welcome to stay here, Phil. You get to stay with me.”

Phil lets out a loud cry and then they’re sharing another kiss as Dan chuckles and smiles because he’s so happy.

He’ll ask Phil where he went eventually but for right now, Dan was going to stay here with Phil and spend his evening with his newly found mate.

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic #fluff #angst #fairy!dan #mermaid!phil #fantasy!au #phandomreversebang #prb 2019 #romeo and juliet!au #princesslexi763fics

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