#also fucking tumblr mobile is barely functional

[noellevanious]

its beyond fucking sad like. tumblr as a site. as a function. is great. it arguably still holds a pre-internet 3.0 concept up and keeps it alive (blogs as a community tool). It functions completely uniquely from other social media. parts that haven't been eroded away by idiot companies playing hot potato are still great (i can still look through all of my posts with my archive tool, or make a new blog theme entirely).

All that had to be done was Not Dip Their Toes into the Transphobic Pool. Which isn't a hard request. It's literally just "respect the people that want to be trans and be happy and tell people that are slinging harassment at them to Fuck off".

Sure, they also need to not let the site erode more and more into this ugly little amalgam of a barely functioning ad-ridden Twitter wannabe that requires at least 2 different mobile add-ons to even function properly. But like. I'd happily support them monetarily if they weren't the most cartoonishly Scummy site.

Like I'm still on twitter and it's a cesspool. But there at least it's funny that "Cis" is considered a word that Musk wants censored for "Spreading hate speech".

Here I have to confront the fact, every few days, that whoever moderates the site will happily either Delete Trans/POC blogs without hesitation, or, if we wanna be generous, nobody moderating the site Gives a Shit and just lets Transphobe/racist hategroups run rampant on the report system.

And don't fucking forget what happened to Avery/Rita! I don't want to spread word about her without her approval, but I will say, people have no fucking clue how bad things got for her after what happened, and the fact that she's put up such a strong face when she was literally in the "Public's" Eye as a Trans Woman the CEO of a website stalked and harassed even after he personally demanded all of her blogs be Permanently erased, is beyond the pale of what should be asked for her, or any trans or poc person.

[eepyuii]

frostbite — pt. 3

pairing ; childe x gender neutral!reader

content ; childhood friends to “rivals” to lovers, slowburn-ish

cw ; mentions of blood, wounds, passing out from exhaustion and anxiety attacks (sort of)

note ; FUCK you mobile tumblr posting format, i HATE you >:[ also backstory chapter oOooOo…

previous | next | masterlist

sometimes the memory of his disappearance flashes into your mind like the sunlight that creeps into the window at early dawn. blindingly.

on the rare afternoons that you weren’t with ajax, either at his house or outside playing, you were home with your mother. more often than not baking.

the warmth of the fireplace in the living room had already latched itself onto the other parts of the house, you’d have to thank your father for lighting it this morning before he left for work. speaking of your father, the very apple cake you were currently baking with your mother was his own request. almost instinctively peeling the apple skins, she blabbered on about how many baking recipes you’d need to know by heart if you were to ever even be a functioning adult, much less the safe and cozy housewife she hoped for.

you say blabbered because you truly were not paying any attention, much preferring to draw figures on the sheet of leftover flour that gracefully covered the surface of your countertop. that same flour coated your arms up to the shoulders- yet absurdly, your little hand-sown apron was left spotless.

though, that wasn’t nearly as absurd as the sight outside your window.

treading the snowy ground of the forest surrounding your house, just outside of it even, was ajax. he carried a small sack over his shoulder and his treasured wooden sword with him. he paid no mind to the fact that he was just walking past his best friend’s house, no- instead he looked straight ahead with a fire in his eyes you’d never seen before.

where on teyvat could he be going?

“hm? oh, look honey, isn’t that ajax right outside? were you two planning on playing together today?” your mother commented half-mindedly.

“not really, no…”

“then where on teyvat could he be going on his own?” ironic.

you couldn’t bring yourself to answer her at the time, too absorbed in the gnawing feeling in your gut that, other than the obvious strange scene before you, something wasn’t right. you needed to go after him. the speed in which you put on your boots and heavy jacket is almost inhuman and you didn’t even realize you were already out the door the next second until you received a full-front slap of cold air to your warm cheeks. by the time you were sprinting through the forest following ajax’s trail, he’s but a tiny spec of orange hair and red scarf in the distance. the stinging air of snezhnaya winter still fought against you, stabbing your skin and bringing tears to your eyes. or maybe you were just crying out of panic.

why would he be going so far deep into the forest? both of you had already gone past the outskirts that you were already familiar with. even at the age of fourteen, neither ajax nor you really ever dared to go out of morepesok without the presence of another family member.

and why was ajax carrying a sack and a sword? was he trying to hunt on his own? you doubt he would be that stupid, that wooden sword of his was merely a toy given to him by his father and was as dull as could be. and even worse- ajax, being non-confrontational by nature, barely knew how to use it.

and just why did he have that look in his face? like he had debts to settle, lands to conquer, beasts to fell. you’d been together just yesterday and he seemed fine, seemed happy.

what if… ajax was lying?

what if he was unsatisfied with what he had in morepesok- his parents, his siblings, you? what if he was leaving so determinedly because he yearned for more? and if so, why didn’t he at the very least tell you?

in the midst of you drowning in your worries, ajax’s silhouette of orange and red seemed to only get farther and farther.

“ajax! ajax- hah… wait for me! ajax!” you called out breathlessly.

and as if this entire situation couldn’t get any worse, the growls of what seemed like at the very least three wolves rang out from nearby. you froze for a moment, holding your breath when said wolves stalked ahead of you, towards ajax’s direction. apparently, he had also noticed the wolves and paused in his tracks, as there was no sound in the forest to be heard other than the pack’s footsteps in the snow.

the stream of hot tears on your cheeks grew in flow and your heart pumped in your chest so violently it nearly shook the rest of your body. eyes frantically scanned the area for anything you could do, anything you could use- until they landed on a fallen tree branch, sturdier and sharper than the other measly twigs that populated the ground. you almost latched onto it without thinking and tiptoed forward, to where you’d last spotted the wolves. the beasts, thankfully, seemed unaware of your presence, much more focused on the fresh lump of meat you called your best friend in front of them.

they approached him with slow, calculated steps and hungry snarls upon their faces while you painstakingly crossed the distance, murder rampant in your eyes. you raised a shaky arm, holding the branch and readying to launch as if it was hunting spear.

then suddenly, rustling is heard and the wolves are sprinting away with cowardly whines from where ajax, their lunch, presumably was.

but there was no ajax to be found.

the world felt like it stopped and started spinning even faster all at once. the adrenaline rush from the chase and the intense emotions you’d been feeling keeps you numb to the sight before you, or the lack thereof. where your best friend had been standing and shivering in fear of the wolves that were approaching him- was nothing.

the branch thudded on the ground, long forgotten, as you ran to where you’d last seen him. if it weren’t for the rustled snow, it would’ve looked like nothing happened, because both the trail of footprints and the mess ajax had made while freezing before the wolves ended abruptly, right then and there. despite the fact, you still looked around every inch of your surroundings, even the goddamn treetops, for just the smallest indication that he ran away safely.

next up, look through the snow- maybe he fell into a deeper settlement of snow and hid there until the wolves left. you dug and dug and dug, your arms quickly becoming frigid and your fingertips had lost feeling, yet you kept digging. nothing.

it’s like the earth had given way and swallowed him whole.

“AJAX! PLEASE!”

as a last resort, you yelled his name at the very top of your lungs, over and over and over, uncaring to the possibility of the pack or an even worse predator hearing you. your throat grew scratchy but you kept calling out to him until your vision started to grow woozy. the high tension, the exhaustion and the cold altogether became too much for your body to handle- causing you to promptly pass out right there in the middle of the forest.

you’d have to be eternally grateful to the tsaritsa for sending your father back from work just in time to look for you.

—

you would’ve said that was the worst day of your life- but then the next three came along.

ajax’s family scoured nearly every inch of the forests surrounding morepesok and for two days, no avail. you, unfortunately, were bedridden for the entirety of their search- partially to recover from your ministrations, that even ended up causing you first-degree frostbite at the fingertips, and partially because your parents firmly grounded you to the house for endangering yourself like that. throughout the hours of laying in bed and rewarming your hands, you remained numb- emotionless.

the shock from it still plagued your senses and the reports that he still hadn’t been found you received from your parents at the end of the day only fed the raving beast that was your hopelessness. your mother tried her darndest to cheer you up how she could- baking your favorite sweets, reading you your favorite books, ungrounding your old favorite toys. nothing worked.

until the afternoon of the third day.

your fingers had recovered amazingly, yet the rest of your limbs still felt too heavy to get out of bed. the lines of the book you were reading had started blending together, eyes growing tired and sleep creeping up on your body. as you were setting the book aside and snuggling yourself up to the heavy blankets covering you, ready to let the weariness overtake you, your door bursts open.

“he’s back! wake up, dear, they’ve found ajax!” your mother exclaimed, heaving as if she’d ran across the coast to give you the news.

any fatigue that contaminated your entire body evaporated in a second and you were jumping out of bed like a second wind had hit you. you felt like you were back where you were two days ago, running out the door like your life depended on it. you saw the people of the village flocking towards the town center as if magnetized by the commotion. there, the crowd was circling around something- whispers, exclamations of relief, expresses of thanks to the tsaritsa were about. you followed suit with the townspeople’s movement and wrestled your way to the epicenter of the crowd.

you couldn’t believe your eyes.

there stood your goddammned best friend, his back facing you- like it once had before he disappeared. his silhouette had burned itself into your retinas at that point. but his abrupt return wasn’t the only unbelievable thing about what was before you. behind ajax, from your perspective, was his family, facing him with terrified looks on their faces- like he’d grown a second head. their expressions soon received reasoning when you looked at ajax’s feet.

laid unconscious, was another boy from the village. you’d recognized him instantly, a year or so older than you and ajax and was famously known as morepesok’s roughhouser- consistently picking on ajax for his wimpiness throughout the years. not only older but he was objectively one of the stronger kids of the village, hence the bewilderment of seeing him toppled at the younger boy’s feet.

you at least recall the sight being strange overall, because at the time you couldn’t care less- your best friend was back. to you it seemed like the unconscious boy and the townspeople carrying him away from the scene weren’t there at all.

“ajax…” you started off, voice weak and shaky as fat tears gathered up in your eyes. despite the quietness, he still heard your call, finally turning to face you instead. you were already running to him as he did, tackling him into the most bone-crushing hug you could muster with your current strength. “y-you’re back!”

he doesn’t return the hug.

instead, you felt something sharp poke your throat harshly and pulled away with a hiss- giving way for ajax to fully point his wooden sword straight at you. confused, you first looked to the sword, the very same his father gave him and the very same he left with- except it was somehow razor sharp now instead of the dull, worn wood you were familiar with. it was so sharp, in fact, that even the slightest contact it made with the skin of your neck already left a paper thin cut that bled immediately.

gently pressing a finger to the cut, you gazed down to see concerningly big droplets of blood transferred to your digits. when you raised your head towards ajax again, look of utter confusion and betrayal painted onto your face, you were met with the most bone chilling, lifeless hard stare you’d ever seen come from him. he looked at you as if you were less than a dismissible lump that needed to get out of his way- he looked like he felt nothing, regretted nothing.

his cerulean eyes were stone cold dead.

everyone and their mother who were watching seemed to gasp all at once, moving in to separate the both of you, though your parents were faster. ajax’s father, who’d arrived just in time to see his son hurt you, harshly pulled the boy his arm, scolding him, while yours pulled you into their arms to check your wound. you could only keep your eyes straight ahead to where ajax was while he didn’t even try look back.

—

that was the last time you spoke to ajax.

well, speak is a strong word for the brick wall that was his reaction to your tears of relief and tackling hug. though you’d like to say it was because his father sent him away for fatui military training and not because he seemingly didn’t care for you even a smidgen. just like before he even returned, you turned to spend your days away in your room, head buried in books.

you can’t recall when those books stopped fairytales and became human biology encyclopedias. eventually, those encyclopedias turned into medical textbooks- a birthday gift from your father while he was on a trip to the big city. and eventually, those textbooks turned into shining grades and an entry to the most prestigious medical school in snezhnaya, fatui owned obviously. you would’ve been fine with just stopping there, finishing your degree and going back to morepesok to stay with your parents and maybe, just maybe, get a job as a fisherman- unfortunately, the tsaritsa had other plans for you.

not literally, of course, you’d be considered divinely fortunate if her grace were to ever even note your existence amongst the rest of her citizens. instead, it was one of her own little rotten soldiers and the bane of your existence, the doctor, who for some reason took interest in your capabilities over the others in your class. he demanded you be put through fatui training to be both an on-field and off-field medic just to end up working directly under his wing.

a part of you would forever resent him for this.

you never wanted to even come close to having any relation to the fatui, at first it was purely out of disdain for their ordeals but after ajax was also hand-plucked away by a harbinger, you would’ve rather plunge your chances of having a medical career than having to work with him in the organization you liked the least.

oh! and how could you forget…

the crowning jewel of your dissatisfaction, the literal jewel that was unwillingly set into your hands by the gods themselves.

the day you received your title of sergeant, a small, gelid object materialized into your palms. intricately sculpted steel molded over a round, glowing blue gem- cryo symbol shining inside the gem. you denied and denied and denied, unable to accept or even comprehend as to why someone like you would receive a vision from the reigning element of your own tsaritsa. any attempt to get rid of the damned thing proved futile, it seemed as if it were magnetized to your very being, and you entirely gave up in fighting it at some point. it certainly didn’t help how your possession of a vision, a cryo one at that, only seemed to make the higher ranks of the fatui want to entangle you into their web even more. you still managed to protest it by refusing to use its ice powers under any circumstances.

and now you were here. reminiscing over the misery of your lifetime instead of looking over the paperwork the northland bank had provided you. and the next part of childe’s plan was only days away from getting into motion.

a hollow feeling invades your stomach as you remember the plan ajax had explained to you yesterday.

you needed to gather your thoughts.

taglist ; @kentply @osaemu

[bugswarm]

I know this is tumblr and we generally don't care about Reddit much but hear me out

So, there is an issue over on reddit that is happening. They are trying to go publicly traded soon and so they are making a bunch of changes and its really screwing a lot of people over and causing issues. The current issue at hand though, is that they want to try to monetize more and took a page out of Elon Musk's book with Twitter and decided to make it so their API (ill explain in a second) cost money to use.

Now, if you don't know what an API is, basically its the door you use to access the servers. Every time you want to get to a new page you have to go through the door. If you go through it on their website or official app, its free because they collect your data and sell it to advertisers and feed you targeted ads between posts. But if you use a 3rd party app it costs that 3rd party app money. A lot of big power users on reddit use 3rd party apps to access reddit and up until now its been free.

The bug main 3rd party apps anticipated this change and had been discussing with reddit's admins about it for months. They had been told the price would be reasonable. A few days ago it came out that the prices would be in the millions per year. These 3rd party apps make maybe in the 10s of thousands a year at most generally speaking if they make anything at all. And by and large are considered to be the best possible experience you can have on reddit on a mobile device. (The mobile website constantly pushes you to use the app and forced you to use the app to view nsfw posts, the official app has a lot of problems and is missing large parts of the functionality from the regular desktop website and the iOS and Android versions of the app are very different from one another. Oh and both are known for being almost completely inaccessible disability-wise as things like screenreaders barely work on the app for whatever reason if at all. The 3rd party apps different between each other but most have the majority of the functionality and then some added on top of that.)

In addition to the proposed price changes, there is apparently also a plan to make it so any post or subreddit marked as NSFW is not viewable on 3rd party apps at all even if you were to pay the insanely high API prices. So the only way to see a lot of the NSFW content on a mobile device, would be to use the barely functional official app (since the mobile website punts you to the apps for NSFW posts already). Its not quite a tumblr-style porn ban but its the next worst thing.

A fuckton of subreddits are banding together to do a blackout protest for a few days/until the coming changes get reversed starting on the 12th. Its questionable on if it will do anything or if it was planned from the beginning in a Door-in-your-Face attempt.

I know this doesn't really affect Tumblr on its own but the more major sites that start fucking over their users like this, the worst the internet gets as a whole.

[emrysthirteen]

ive seen many complaints about the way the new Tumblr mobile update has handled pictures. but i have only seen a couple people talking about how deeply inaccessible it is. and i want to go through it.

first I'll explain the changes for anyone who is new or who uses desktop because I'm fairly certain it's different there.

before when you were scrolling on your feed and you tapped on a picture to view it, if there was a margin around the picture it was black. if you double tapped the picture, it would zoom in. you could do this twice and the third time would return it to normal zoom. if you scrolled up or down, it would close the image and put you where you were on your feed before opening the image. if you scrolled to the sides, it would scroll through any other images that were on the same post.

now when you open the image, the margins are filled with a zoomed, cropped, and blurred section of the image. when you double tap, it likes and zooming is difficult. when you swipe up, it gives you a different post, generated by an algorithm to be similar. if you scroll to the side, it brings you to the posters blog. both of the swipe functions also do this when you are zoomed in as well.

i can only speak to my own accessability needs, but there are several and i know i can't be alone in any of them. for context the relevant things are that i have low vision which requires high contrast and photosensitive migraines which require low brightness. as you can imagine, this is a very specific balance of things that is easily made difficult.

firstly, the background of the image. i used to open the image specifically because of the background. increasing the contrast around the edge of the image and removing irrelevant details made it significantly easier to see. there were frequently posts that i straight up couldn't see properly until i opened them. with the new background feature, images that i have opened are impossible to see clearly. i can barely tell where the actual image is and where the background is. i functionally understand the aesthetic value of the change but there are regularly posts that i straight up can't see anymore because of this. there should be an option for high contrast backgrounds available so that people who need it can still have it.

next is the zoom. the double tap to zoom was one of my favorite features. because when something was small or hard to see it was easy to make it visible and i didn't have to change how i was holding my phone. now if i need to zoom, i have to shift and the pinch to zoom is very buggy. it is difficult to get the zoom where i need it on the image and it regularly causes glitches that alter the image. and i have to zoom out and back in to move when i am zoomed in to or else the new swipe features engage. this is hard on my eyes and hard on my hands that have fucked up joints because it requires a lot more small repetitive motions to do the same thing. this change seems to be mostly conformist to be more like other sites which is disappointing for the hellsite, bit it could easily be made at least accessable if there were an option to have the double tap zoom or even if the bugs on the pinch zoom were fixed.

lastly is the swipe feature. while this is mechanically and aesthetically obnoxious to me i will hold my focus on accessability. it interacts very poorly with the zoom feature, making it hard to navigate the image viewer when zooming is needed. from a dexterity standpoint, it also makes it more difficult to see what i want to see. if my hands a shaking i will sometimes open an image and get an entirely different one because of the algorithm swipe. I've had to scroll back up to three times to get what i actually clicked on because the swipe function is so sensitive and buggy. it is also more difficult to close the image. i often have to give it multiple attempts to close the image because when i swipe down, it doesn't go away and i can't get my back button to come up without it going to a new post. the bugs should be fixed and it needs some mechanical fixes, but this should also be made optional.

tldr for @staff: the new image viewer is deeply inaccessible for visually impaired people and people with dexterity issues and the bugginess makes it so much worse. all of the new features around the image viewer should be made optional for both accessability reasons and aesthetic reasons. i understand the attempt to streamline the site to look and feel more 'modern' but please don't forget that disabled people still want to use this site

[hanasnx]

Ok so it’s a bit complicated but I’ll try and explain to you what happened to my account and why I think it’s flagged, I hope I don’t bore you lmao.

But basically, I’ve gotten a few warning from tumblr already about some of my posts being inappropriate/‘mature’ but I never did anything about them. Then like 2 days ago my account started acting super fucking weird. I can’t access my asks or messages anymore, I can’t leave asks unless I’m on anon or they won’t go through, if I comment or reblog anything I don’t think the creator is notified or it doesn’t show up on the post, none of my recent posts are getting any visibility at all and when I went onto my tumblr on my computer, my custom page had a pop up warning that took over the entire screen and said ‘this blog is potentially mature’

so I’m altogether very confused and I’m assuming it’s because my account has been flagged for something, because I truly can’t think of any other reason why it would be glitching sooo much. I hope this wasn’t confusing or too much information, but I really want to figure it out so maybe you have some ideas too?

-anisbaby

ok hm. let’s go thru this step by step

so hanasnx is my main blog, my posts would also get mature labels on them sometimes when ppl would report them and tumblr would review them and slap the community label on them for sexual themes. that’s happened to me quite a few times and i still happens to me. the reason my account got flagged was within seconds of an actual porn gif i posted. your account should only get flagged if you post like an actual visual pornographic thing. writing should only get the community labels if anything. i know that’s within the tumblr rules.

when my account got flagged, i was still able to access my inbox and answer the asks. i was still able to send asks to others without having to be on anon and received answers back while flagged.

in the settings in the top right on mobile, all the way down there’s a “visibility” button. click it, and it’ll bring you to a page that says whether or not your blog is explicit. and even if you turn off the function, it’ll turn itself back on bcos tumblr has made it that way. IF that’s what happening to your blog. rn it sounds like it’s just malfunctioning which is definitely something you should contact support about.

i do remember when my account got flagged my traction took a huge hit. things like my posts and my account barely got any interaction at all. but i was still able to comment/reblog things and get answers back. and also that the “this blog is potentially mature” screen would pop up.

i remember it took me a couple days to gather my bearings when it first happened and start to figure things out. you said it’s been like this for 2 days already and since it hasn’t straightened itself out you should definitely contact support. when i looked, the only way to contact tumblr is through their support option in tumblr help. they don’t have a number or anything like that. but i can’t tell you they’d be prompt with their response. the only time they responded to me was a month and a half later (when my account first got flagged) saying they made a mistake and they’ve fixed it.

[annewritesfic]

Happy Endings Don't Exist

i've decided to just keep the same title for all the tlc au stuff sjwjwjwjwj

anyways! so this is based off the end of cress, and for context:

- farrah lost her vision in a satellite crash when she hit her head

- erland is the doctor who figured out kate is selene

- chess has been taken captive by a thaumaturge, one of the queen's lackeys, and cairo is terrified for her

- also i don't know if i mentioned it but kate's a cyborg, a 36.98% ratio, left leg is metal pretty much halfway up their thigh, left hand is metal, a bunch of ribs, vertebrae, and half their heart are synthetic, and her eyes are synthetic with a control panel in the back of their head

- eva was supposed to marry levana today, but kate, reese, cairo, mattie, and farrah kidnapped her right before the wedding could start

okay yeah i think that's it

word count: 1703

triggers: mentions of blood/violence/death, mentions of massacre, mentions of a gun, mentions of torture

"It's me, Eva." Kate clenched both hands into fists and stared at their boots. "I'm the lost princess."

"Oh," Eva said softly. "Oh."

"And, um, in case it wasn't obvious, I was being sarcastic about being great," Kate said, unable to take the silence. "I mean- obviously, you've got your own stuff to worry about, but, like, it- it kind of has been a rough few weeks with the ball and Levana and my sister and Erland is dead and Chess is missing and Farrah is blind and Cairo is- I don't know. She's so still and I'm worried about her, but- don't worry, I've got this under contr-"

"Please stop talking."

Kate stopped talking.

Eva leaned against the wall and slowly slid down until she was sitting. "You. You're Princess Selene?"

"Yeah…"

"The whole time, it was you."

"I mean, I didn't know for awhile, either," Kate said. "Dr Erland figured it out first, but he didn't think to tell me until I was in prison, so…"

"Levana knows, doesn't she?" Eva seemed oddly calm, considering the bombshell Kate just dropped on her head. "That's why she's so fucking determined to find you."

"Yeah."

"And it was you this entire goddamn time."

"You know, you're taking this way better than I thought you would."

Eva leaned her head back against the wall, eyes closed. "It-it makes sense, kind of. In a weird way." She was quiet for a moment, then cracked a smile. "Although I always kinda pictured the princess, like… in a dress."

Kate managed a laugh. "That's probably not happening anytime soon."

"And I thought that if I could just… find her, it would be so easy. We'd present her to the world as the true queen of Luna, and Levana would just crawl and hide in a hole. I didn't think…" Eva took a shaking breath. "I never thought she'd know. That she'd be fighting it."

"I don't think you know your fiancée very well."

Eva's eyes opened, and she stared at Kate with a steady, determined gaze that made Kate forget to breathe for a moment. "Okay, no more secrets. I'm done with big reveals from you, so if there's anything else you're keeping from me, I wanna hear it now."

Kate thought for a moment. Big secrets… cyborg. Lunar. Princess. Eva knew it all.

Well, maybe one more secret. They might be just… a tiny bit in love with her.

But obviously she couldn't tell her that.

"I can't cry," they whispered, sitting down against the opposite wall.

"I knew that," Eva said.

"Wha- how?"

"Your guardian said something about it." Eva ran a fingernail up and down a metal seam on the floor, almost nervously. "And, um… I looked at your files. Your medical records."

"You what?"

"I'm sorry, but-but you were a fugitive and I needed to know more." Eva paused. "I didn't want to, though. I felt- it was too much of an invasion on your privacy. I'm sorry, Kate."

Kate fought to breathe slowly and steadily. "No, it's- no more secrets."

"Are your eyes really…?"

"Synthetic," Kate confirmed.

Eva moved a little closer across the floor. "And that's why you can't cry?"

"It's not like I need the tear ducts for lubrication, and they got in the way of… I have a retina scanner and like, a really small netscreen in my eye." Kate tapped one metal finger against the side of her head. "So there's a lot of wiring… fuck, I can't believe I'm telling you this."

"I think it's pretty fucking awesome."

A laugh ripped from Kate's throat, oddly pleasant.

Eva reached for Kate's hands. "Can I see?"

Kate rolled their eyes, but sighed and nodded. Eva stared into her eyes, almost like she was trying to see right through to Kate's control panel, but then she shook her head with an expression of wonder. "You'd never know."

Embarrassed, Kate bit her lip. "Look at the bottom of my left iris." They pulled up a news feed they'd been watching before the ship had even landed in New Beijing, from the African Union. She didn't bother turning on the volume, letting the news anchor stay muted.

"Wait, is that-"

"Yeah, that's it."

"It's tiny. Just- really just a dot."

"It looks bigger to me." Kate dismissed the news feed, trying not to think about how close Eva was, or how she was still holding their hands.

Eva studied Kate's face - not the retina scanner or the synthetic eyes, just Kate. "I'm sorry I had you arrested. But I really am glad you're alright."

"Don't you hate me for, you know… shooting you?"

Eva's lips twitched up into a smile. She dropped Kate's human hand to pick up the metal one in both hands, studying the tips of the shiny grey fingers. "You know, none of the diagrams I looked at said anything about a gun."

"I like to maintain an air of mystery."

"Funnily enough, I've noticed."

Kate bit their lip again. "The hand is new. It's… plated with one hundred percent titanium. And that's yet another thing I can't believe I'm telling you."

Eva lifted Kate's hand to her lips and pressed a kiss against the cool metal. "Kate?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Just to be sure, you're not manipulating me right now, right?"

"Of course not."

"Good. Just checking." Then Eva slid her arms around Kate's waist and kissed her.

Immediately, Kate's retina display went crazy. INCREASED LEVELS OF DOPAMINE AND ENDORPHINS. REDUCED AMOUNTS OF CORTISOL. ERRATIC PULSE. RISING BLOOD PRESSURE-

Kate dismissed the retina display and kissed back.

Eva shifted to sit back and pull Kate closer without even once breaking the kiss, and both of them smiled into it, relaxing after weeks of stress piling on both of them. Kate broke the kiss and pressed her forehead against Eva's, breathing easier than they had in weeks. Eva gently rubbed circles against Kate's back, calming and soothing, and even though every person on Earth was probably freaking out over the missing empress and determined to find them, Kate had never been calmer.

But then the retina display, alone against the darkness of Kate's closed eyes, caught their attention.

FARAFRAH.

LUNARS.

MASSACRE.

Kate pulled away, huddling against the wall, every happy emotion from kissing Eva quickly being replaced by panic and fear.

"Kate-"

Kate shook her head frantically, and Eva stopped talking for a moment.

"I'm sorry," she said after a pause. "I shouldn't have- shit, Kate, I'm so sorry-"

"No, that's not- it wasn't-" Kate dug their hands into their hair. "Levana."

Eva inhaled sharply. "What did she…?"

"She- she retaliated," Kate managed to say, focusing on the news feed. "She attacked- she attacked Farafrah, the- fuck, that's the town that helped us." The air went cold, and Kate tried desperately to process this. Pictures flashed across the display with so much blood.

"Kate-"

Kate grabbed a wrench and hurled it against the wall in frustration, then slumped against the wall, shaking.

"Has Levana issued any demands?" Eva asked, infuriatingly calm.

"I don't know." Kate grit her teeth. "But they're all dead, and it's my fault. Because they helped me."

"It's not-"

"It is my fault, Eva!"

"Kate, listen to me." A hand settled on her shoulder. "You didn't kill them."

"I basically did."

"Did they know the risk when they let you stay?"

Kate didn't say anything.

"Maybe they thought it was a risk worth taking. Because they believed in you."

"If you're trying to help, you're doing a really shitty job," Kate spat.

"Kate-"

"You wanna know another secret? The biggest secret?" Kate swallowed down the familiar lump in their throat that said you should be crying. Would be, if you were human. "I'm scared, Eva."

Those words hung in the air for a moment.

"I'm scared of her army, and of what she can do, and I'm supposed to be strong and brave but I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how I'm supposed to overthrow her, and even if I did, I don't know how to be a queen. People are relying on me and now they're dying because of a fantasy that I can maybe save them, but- what if I can't?"

Eva pulled her into her arms, and Kate buried their face in her soft shirt, a headache pounding behind her eyes. "I'm scared."

"I know how you feel."

"Not really."

"Close to it, at least."

"No, because-" Kate curled her human fingers into Eva's shirt. "What if I'm becoming like her?"

"You aren't."

"How can you be so sure?" Kate demanded. "Because I manipulated soldiers in France. And your advisor today. And Cairo, and I- I keep thinking sacrifices have to be made for the good of everyone, right? And then there are the mirrors- I think I'm starting to get why she hates them so much." They started shaking. "And… I tortured her thaumaturge today. I tortured her. And I almost enjoyed it."

"Katie, look at me." Eva sat back and cupped Kate's face with one hand, staring into their eyes. "I know you're scared, and believe me, you're allowed to be. You have every right to be scared. But you are not Queen Levana."

"You can't know that."

"Yeah? I do."

"She's my aunt, you know."

"And my grandfather signed the Cyborg Protection Act." She brushed Kate's hair out of her face. "But here we are."

Kate almost smiled at that.

"Now, how about we never talk about you being related to her again? Because I'm technically still engaged to her, and that's really weird on so many levels."

Kate managed a laugh as Eva pulled them back into her arms. Her headache started to fade, and the news feed drifted out of their gaze. Even with the shit show of Kate's life… Eva felt safe.

"You won't tell anyone, right?"

"'course not."

"And if I'm a shitty princess?"

"I don't think Luna needs a princess. I think they need a revolutionary."

Kate turned that word over in their mind. "I like that more than princess."

"And then, once this is over, I do have some experience in the ruling-a-country field," Eva pointed out. "So I'll help you."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

[yostresswritinggirl]

@butterfly-mochi​ Rewrote this freaking thing thrice because it keeps getting deleted wth tumblr agjvahkfajkvk- I enjoyed writing it a lot tho and since I’m too weak to the characters I ended up writing for all of them (except for Sucrose, im sorry bb huhu, I ran out of brain power). This is my first time writing for so many of them in one go so please excuse me for any mistakes or blandness ywy thank you for letting me write for my baby Ganyu too hhhhh

Universe Reversal 2

Genshin Impact Character Reader and Modern Players with Zhongli, Childe & Ganyu (how they simp for you) (event masterlist / Part 1 / Part 3)

Zhongli the F2P

The most relatable out of the bunch because this man is still broke and can only rely on the primogems he can farm. And he had a LOT. The one thing he doesn’t have a lot on, however, is his luck.

So how did he manage to pull you?: Well after exhausting all his primogem on your banner with nothing but weapons and other characters, he has lost his resolve. But by some weird luck, there was a character bug that was fixed and in his email was the almighty consolation primogem. Enough for ONE pull. And by the Gods he FINALLY got you.

He’d nonchalantly post his screenshot of pulling you using a single acquaint fate in his friend group without any words and everyone else just loses their shit. “You got them in one pull?!” “Yeah” A riot.

This was partnered with the fact that not only is Zhongli an F2P player, but also barely has any five star characters.

He looks calm and apathetic over the news, but behind the screen he’s exhausted and relieved, silently livid.

He has no primogems left to squeeze for a constellation so you’re instead pampered with the best weapon suitable for you (because that’s all he keeps getting).

Zhongles spends most of his time farming for materials to quickly level you up, unlocking all your stories and voiceline, but he fucked up on your build (his artifacts are messy).

He follows communities, forums and videos regarding your character to know all the things he needs to perfect your build. You can barely make a dent against normal mobs, so he knew he was doing something VERY wrong.

Is the type of person to keep refreshing the page for new content, very updated.

Ask him a question about your character and he’s gonna bring you the word vomit that is his research. He’s not gonna stop- probably accidentally developed a copypasta for you.

Also follows your VA in both Tiktok and Twitter to indulge in every bit of content. He also has that screenshot of his pull saved and locked.

On his birthday, a friend of his gifted him a chibi plushie of you and he has treasured it ever since, treating and handling it like its a figurine.

“It is merely pure luck and grace from the gacha gods that I got this character, and I will make sure that they know I am very grateful for this fortune.”

Favorite Voiceline: Birthday Message

Childe The Whaler

This lucky wealthy bastard with no remorse for his money whales for EVERY character. He’s making a collection, which is to get all the characters, especially the five stars. So when your banner finally popped up, he’s gonna square up and trigger a whole ass meteor shower.

How he pulled you: Money. His luck with this games are actually not the best so he always compensates with money, he got you halfway through the first failed pity, almost giving him a heart attack that he might actually break the bank just to get you.

And then he pulls more to raise your constellation lol.

The first thing he does is look over your character info and read through it all; constellation infos, your base stats, artifact compatibility.

At the end when he’s maximized everything, he would then focus on playing around with your character *coughs climbing noises coughs*

He thought you’d just be another part of his collection but playing with your character was very enjoyable and in-line with his playstyle- oops 100 screenshots with the Kamera-

Any and all merchandise that he fancies would be his, and he’s definitely flexing it to the other sweetie nerds who call themselves simps. He’s fighting for the simping title, and he’s currently neck and neck with this fanartist in Pixiv.

Speaking of that fanartist, he definitely commissioned an expensive and detailed portrait of you, full rights and everything. No one else was allowed to use it but him.

Was also the first one with the audacity to call out your VA to create an account on Tiktok to create more content with your voice. He was successful.

His obssession also comes in the form of self-indulgent contents, and had been keeping track of the ship wars happening. During conventions, he cosplays as the character shipped with you the most (or the character he thinks should end up with you).

Silently scrutinizing those who cosplay you, only ever taking pictures with/of the best looking one, sorry haha

Definitely flaunts that you are his waifu/husbando and will fight for best girl/best boy during debates or polls. Has mobilized the community to vote for you once. He’s very persuasive.

“Hm? Why I’m just the best collector in the game, and I am more than happy to let everyone know that I am their number one fan haha, everyone who claims otherwise is definitely wrong!”

Favorite Voiceline: More About (Y/N) I-IV, (Y/N)��s Hobbies...

Ganyu the Employed

Ganyu, our dearest overworker, is one of the players in the older stage who actually has a job but still plays Genshin for their past times. The gorgeous sceneries and the music is her main focus in playing the game, not much of a try-hard but still decent in the combat mechanics.

How she pulled you: You came home within 50 pulls! And you appeared again after another 10 pull! Ganyu was so SHOOKT and so distressed because oh goodness, what does she do? She doesn’t know anything much about you!

Will rewatch your three trailers to try and understand your skills better, ended up saving the soundtracks from them because that was such a nice trailer music! Tnbee gains a new follower!

Ganyu will take a while before she can properly play or build you up because she’s so busy with work, she only ever plays when she feels fully done with her work.

During her break she plays with your character while multi-tasking on eating, earphones plugged in and sight on the phone as she farms materials and artifacts for you.

The moment she gets more help from her player friends tho, holy shit, you just ended up being so OP. She had so many good artifacts and weapons for you because she didn’t know what they were for before.

She loves how you’re so easy to use and can easily solo the enemies and even the boss fights. A huge breather, because now Ganyu can cheese the battles that takes a while, to give her more time to focus on the storyline and lores.

Since Ganyu plays for the story and aesthetic, she’ll find you almost always in her team. Still very proud of her pull, she makes the best screenshots of your fights or in the best angle through exploration.

Treasures you so much she starts talking to her phone- “Ah, no, please don’t fall.” “There’s violetgrass up there, let’s try and get it”

Blushes everytime you produce a sound when climbing, doesn’t change you anyways tho

Hums to your trailer music while working, and if permitted, would have the song on repeat while she buries herself in work. She finds it really refreshing and the time she spends in work miraculously flies by fast when she gets lost in the sound.

At one point, when she was given a day-off or if the convention was on her free time, she attends to look for cosplayers of you and take a picture. No one rejects her because she’s so adorable and cute when asking shyly.

Had brought a decent amount of merchandise, preferably the functional/practical ones like a phone cover, mug or keychain. Also has an earphones clamp with your little chibi self as the holder.

When asked, she would shyly announce that she likes your character the most.

“Their character theme and music really soothes me during work, it feels nice to have them, and I have not once regretted ever pulling for them. They are the best.”

Favorite Voicelines: Good Night/Afternoon..., About Us, Something To Share..., Interesting Things...

so enjoyable...

@moaa @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @dandelion-dreams @snackgod @rxsalinee

[shinesurge]

I’ve been holding off on making this post because I wanted to try it out myself and get settled in and make sure everything went okay, but seeing as I’ve gone ahead and updated my site and everything I thought now might be a good time to start talking about this publicly! 

If you’ve known me for more than five minutes you know I fucking hate Webtoon, like, a lot. Every aspect of it disgusts me to the core of my being, and while Webtoon is the ugliest version of them the aspects that I hate also extend to basically any comic aggregate site. I hate that they treat artists like content robots, I hate that they treat comic readers like morons who aren’t capable of engaging with complex stories, I hate that they actively try to strip away all the cool parts of indie comics by cultivating sterile and impersonal environments that discourage artistic experimentation and unique expression.

So! I hope you’ll be interested in what I have to say about this new platform that’s (hopefully) going to be out of alpha this summer. If you think you like reading comics on Webtoon, I really encourage you to check out Dillyhub once it launches. That’s the short version, but I have a LOT to say about this! So I’m putting the rest of this under a cut.

Full disclosure, I’m not getting paid or anything for this. The creative outreach at Dillyhub contacted me a few weeks ago asking if I’d be interested in having Kidd Commander be one of their launch titles when they go live this summer. I was hesitant at first, since I actively distrust anything claiming to be For Creators at this point, but they answered my pushy questions patiently and everything seemed on the up and up so I gave it a shot; I’ve been needing a mobile mirror for KC anyway. Eventually they invited me to the alpha creator discord, where they’ve been working directly with all of us artists to improve the platform, and now to be honest I’m REALLY excited for this thing to get off the ground. Nobody asked me to make this post, but since I’ve spent years whining and bitching about how other services do wrong by their creators, I thought I’d talk about this one that’s doing things right.

So, the biggest advantage this site has for creators over others in my opinion is that it. Treats us like individuals, regardless of follower count lmfao. If you’re a new person just starting out with your new webcomic, here’s what webtoon does for you:

Note: you don’t get a custom banner, you don’t even get to choose the solid color it is. That big circle icon is ALSO the image that shows up in searches, but everywhere else on the site it’s a 100x100px square, so you have to choose whether you want it to look good as a giant circle at the top of your comic’s page OR whether you want to look good in search results. Which, by the way, is the ONLY way for people to find you if you’re not partnered. And that’s it! You have no monetization options, you won’t show up on the genre pages, and when someone DOES stumble across your page it looks super unprofessional. Good Luck! 

Now here’s my Dillyhub page(s):

You don’t get a static banner and one icon, you get a whole carousel banner with as many images as you want front and center as soon as you get to the project page. You get seven (custom!) genre tags, as opposed to Webtoon’s single tag you have to pick from their list, and plenty of room to talk about your work. The episodes are even laid out better, you get a MUCH bigger preview space to work with and they’re nice and big on the bottom half of the page:

you know, like they’re actually presenting ART lmfao.

That’s already an ENORMOUS improvement, but here’s my favorite thing.

o hm that’s a lot of super cushy settings I have for every individual episode, but what’s that, Episode Type?

LIKE.

listen, i know this is probably a bit specialized if you’re not a comic maker yourself, but this is a HUGE DEAL. You can post vertically OR page by page! You can even post pages two at a time for double page spreads, or so they read like a physical comic book! AND their specs are really open, as long as the file meets the size requirement you can make it whatever shape you want. You don’t have to reformat all your shit to post here!! I posted the entire first volume of KC STRAIGHT FROM THE PRINT FILES in like half an hour!!! The episodes can also be any amount of pages, you can post a single page or an entire chapter all in one go!

So that’s just the project page for the comic, let’s see what happens when I click on my username there.

Each author gets their own unique page (which you can tack a vanity url to!) to present themselves however they want! You always have the banner at the top, but beyond that you have a ton of options. Among other incredibly useful tools that really should just be bare fucking minimum at this point, like the ability to preview your page on different devices, you start customizing your blank page with this set of widgets,

and from THERE you can customize them MORE, you can promote your patreon or your kickstarter or whatever! Having this creator space ALSO means that if you run several comics, or if you want to promote your comic AND your illustrations, you can just separate them into individual projects! Each with their own page! This is also really nice as a reader because you can subscribe to a creator but you can also just subscribe to specific projects, if you don’t want to get ALL of their stuff in your inbox. It’s so good y’all hh.

Once again, all of this functionality is just THERE as soon as you make your account. You don’t need to be “partnered” or whatever the fuck, you don’t need to meet a certain follower threshold to unlock the ability to operate normally. You get your own creator space to present yourself how you prefer, you get pages for all your projects, you can even set up monetization options (and change them for individual pages IN a project) right from the start.

ok ok let’s compare this to my webtoon page

oh that’s right webtoon just puts your greyed out name at the bottom of each comic and that’s it because human beings don’t make this stuff, my bad lol anyway

Other fun shit that Dillyhub does that makes me feel like they’re people who have actually consumed or made comics on the internet at some point in their lives:

-When you log into the “studio” space, you’re in your creator account. When you log OUT of the studio space, it’s like you swap to a “reader” account, where you can access your pull list and comment on things with a different name and profile icon. Again, maybe only cool if you’re a creator, but if you ARE then you know exactly why this is incredibly useful lmao

-You can set up “hidden” projects, so if you only want certain things to be accessible by certain people or to not show up in searches that’s an option! You have SO much control here it’s great.

-The comment section has moderation options GODDD. You also have a real comment space, you know, so it actually encourages building a community (and a rapport with your community, if you like), and you also can just turn comments off entirely if you want! I haven’t used it much yet, obviously, but it’s been made very clear in the discord that artists want better control over their comment sections and the devs have it on their priority list.

-Absolutely every step of customization gives you a preview before it’s live, so you can easily see what these images you’re posting in different places are going to look like before you beam them to your followers’ inboxes. This includes individual episodes!

-This was sort of in one of the screenshots but it’s important so I’m saying it here too: the option to mark individual episodes as mature or with content warnings, rather than having to mark an entire comic as Mature Spooky Scary Content because of one or two pages getting a bit hairy.

This site is only in alpha right now, and it’s invite-only until they get to beta (for creators; anyone can make a reader account! but they haven’t set up a way to browse comics without direct links yet so) but honest to god it’s already blowing every other site I’ve used clean out of the water. And the staff has been really kind and responsive to us proposing fixes or changes! I will always defend individual websites as being the best option for an indie comic, but everybody’s gotta start somewhere and we NEED something that isn’t Tumblr or Webtoon to fill this role; this site feels a lot more like a symbiotic relationship than any of the other staples available for new creators right now. If you’re a comic reader and you want to see your favorite comics on Dillyhub I’d suggest keeping an eye on this site and once it’s live start poking them to look into it, and if you’re a creator follow their social media and hop in when they open up for anybody to join. I would LOVE to see this site take off as a viable option for hosting and reading comics.

Thanks for reading all this! I haven’t quite finished setting up yet, but if you want to poke around a project/creator page for yourself mine is here have at it. As things progress I’m sure I’ll have more to say, but since I’m usually so aggressively negative about places like this I just wanted to give some credit where it was due. fucking finally.

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

anyone wanna hear the story of how i found out supernatural was ending and proceeded to have the worst morning of my life?

(super-excessive rambling ahead. do not read the whole of it.)

so i don't remember the date but it was the day of my english 10th board exam. boards are like a series of subject finals, kinda the biggest exams conducted in a student's education in india, plus they're nationalized. so yeah, a massively big deal, and obviously the first thing i do waking up on this massively important day is open tumblr. there are about seventy messages and i'm confused cause i think i barely "talked" to ten people back then, but before i've even checked them out, the first post i see is a textpost about how the longest running joke universally across fandoms is that 'spn has been going on way too long and needs to end' but now that it is ending, all people can do is cry about it. for some reason, i don't process that post as fact™, assuming they mean a general "ending" instead of a "j2m announced last season" ending. anyways i move on to my messages, and all of them are people who've freaking the fuck out for at least a few hours (the advantages of being in a timezone different from of most people) and i go to my activity, still stunned, and someone's tagged me in a meta of some kind, and i check it out completely dazed and it's got gifs (already!) of the three of them standing there with teary eyes and jensen actually saying the words everyone had been screaming about in the chats, and it finally hits me that it's ending, supernatural is ending, it's going to be OVER, and it's already been decided when. obviously, the tears start, and literally crying in my bed, still under the comforter, i think i watched the video twice, without headphones in fact, which is extremely weird because i virtually NEVER do that, but as if anything else mattered at the moment!

i don't remember what all i felt in those moments but one of the thoughts that REALLY stood out was that i wish, wish, wish it lasted just one more year — so maybe supernatural could end at the same time as highschool ended for me, and it'd feel like the end of a phase of my life, but no, according to what they predicted (and not even kidding, now it's even worse) supernatural was going to end smack in the middle of senior year for me, obviously a super important, super stressful year, and god, i wished so hard it'd just go on ONE MORE YEAR somehow but look what happened now it's ending like three months before my college entrance exams and the competitive engineering exams and shit which is just absolutely perfect because it's doing wonders to my attention span and mental health and yeah i'm getting off topic i'm gonna come back to the topic now

it's two am rn and i'm weirdly tired of typing so what happens next is fucking wild, but i'm gonna hurry because i need to go cry some more into a pillow or a ao3 tab or something. so like a whole HOUR later i get up from bed. i've got to get dressed and shit, most important exam of my life YET and everything. so i start brushing, obviously scrolling through tumblr, obviously failing to not cry, and my mum walks in, and she doesn't know a thing about supernatural (even if she did, she would consider the idea of me crying over them announcing an ending RIDICULOUS) so she just assumes i'm sniffling and tensed up because i'm STRESSED and she tries reassuring me like i need fucking reassurance for ENGLISH of all things. anyway anyway anyway i have maggi for breakfast i think and i'm still pretty out of it and stuff but i get dressed in my uniform and put on the fucking blazer though its HOT outside but i like wearing the school blazer for exams but i underestimated how much of a physically draining effect the news and reacting to it would have on me, so then there's me sweating literal buckets and then we set off.

we're already late in leaving the house (why, i don't remember) and once we're at the centre, and my parents have dropped me off and wished me luck, i go to the gate, right. and THEN the guard gestures to my uniform and tells me i'm missing my fucking class ID. now i know i'm late so i panic on cue because shit shit shit i'm gonna be even more late, and i legit turn and look for mum and dad (we weren't allowed to carry our mobiles for the test) and what i see is that they've reversed the car and are about to drive out the gate and obviously my brain isn't really working so i fucking RUN AFTER THE CAR, like, i'm really not an athletic person, i avoid running as much as i possibly can, and i fucking lose my shit and chase the car down in like ten seconds of running cause it's only like ten metres away actually but the highlight of it all is that i run. in a public space. unprompted. with a shitload of emotions and anxiety and panic, and i basically almost sob in relief when dad immediately stops the car and pretty much pulls me in and tells me to stop worrying cause the house is like ten minutes away and i might miss the general waiting part and stuff but i wasn't gonna miss the exam. so THEN we start driving back and obviously because they are who they fucking are, they start arguing about which of them is at fault for this and who was supposed to check in on me carrying my seriously important ID and other crap, and then obviously they're yelling and that does even more wonders for my state of practically hysteria, but i hold it together until we get home and i get the ID (which is on the bed, probably was under my blazer or something) and we set back off, and i know we're late, and i know supernatural is ending, and i know it's going to take a part of me really, and mum and dad just won't stop yelling at each other about god knows what, and i manage to squeeze in the first time in SO many years that i cry in front of my parents right there in the backseat, and they're sort of stunned because i really don't cry (in front of people) and then there's just me losing it in a mixture of helplessness and nerves and anger for some reason and just. whoa.

ANYWAYS we get to the centre (in time for the exam, but like fifteen minutes later than i SHOULD have gotten there) and dad talks to the teacher and stuff and it works out because obviously it's a really important exam they're not going to make me skip it, and i go straight to my classroom — also did i mention these exams aren't held in our own schools but like, different test centres, so basically a different room and desk each day in a different school from mine, ugh, i hate new places — and i find out i have the FIRST bench of the second column which lowkey sucks because it's too public really, but at least my best friend's sitting like diagonally from me on the left, and my friends are basically sprinkled around the classroom as well and i see them eyeing me worriedly cause they were scared i might miss the exam but also because i was a MESS with bloodshot eyes and an outofit look in them and did i mention i was sweating like a dog all this time wearing a blazer because i'm just that idiot because yeah.

so then i calm myself down the best i can. sitting under a fan helps, taking off my stupid blazer helps, and seeing dish (beforementioned best friend) helps — because apparently she heard about the ending too (she's not in the fandom she just keeps up with news for my sake, yes, im very lucky to have her) and tries to cheer me up about it, but then it's time for the paper, and they give them out and...yeah.

three hours later, the exam ends, and i step out of that hall the most mentally exhausted i've been in YEARS. also i swear off tumblr until i've had lunch and napped and stuff because i was also functioning on extremely little sleep but i really think that part was obvious.

as it goes, i ended up getting a 95% in that paper :)

but to this date, my sister jokes about how i ended up getting my personal least marks of that year in english of all subjects which was supposed to be of my strongest suit heh all because of a six-ish minute video released in a different part of the world about something that wasn't even going to happen that year...and like. yeah.

that's it.

that's the story.

[tepkunset]

I honestly and without hyperbole do not know what the point of being on this website is anymore. I can’t see fuck all. I have to guess based on captions what an image or photoset is and if I may want to see it, click on the link to visit the blog to do so because the dashboard is nothing but gradient placeholders. The very reason I hate using the mobile app is now also in using the website.

At this point I am just hoping Tumblr Staff fixes all these bugs and loading problems to at least function in the bare minimum capacity.

[blueprint-han]

Dawn, what a masterpiece you have crafted with Silver Rose. I wish you could have seen me reading it live and just the amount of times my face scrunched up and I felt like bawling and sobbing like a baby, because this hurt me so much and I'm going to need some time to emotionally recover from the rollercoaster of a ride this was.

I don't have my laptop rn and can't rb smh, so I'm just going to tell you my thoughts here and then do that some time later okay. be warned. uh.... long, very long rant ahead, because I took this fic personally and would like to thank you but also spew out some profanity because holy SHIT THIS WAS TERRIBLY PAINFUL

wait uhh a SPOILER FOR SILVER ROSE AHEAD!!

where do I even start? from the beginning even, you established this very heavy, very dark atmosphere that like, made me feel like wherever this story was going, it wouldn't end up good and like, yeah that was the dread speaking I think oh gods uhh my thoughts will probably not make sense but bare with me

I can't even come close to imagine the pain jeongin must have been feeling all throughout this and you just described his emotions so fucking well and wow it, just reading it made me so emotional and teary and so reading him just beating himself up over and over and over inside just broke me oh man

and his guilt for "not loving" reader is just, that line in the beginning broke me because IT WASNT TRUE!! YOU DID LOVE HER, JEONGIN!! but it wasn't the same way as reader and he realised it and allowed himself to love her in that way much too late- what I'm trying to say is, he loved her so so so much, but it wasn't romantically, but that doesn't lessen the value any less because cmon man, he cares for reader so much????

"Could Jeongin ever forgive himself?"

NO MAN WTF ALL THE WAY INTO THE ENDING IT JUST PAINED ME BECAUSE EVEN AFTER YEARS AND YEARS HE STILL COULDNT oh dear i-

the reason reader was suffering was all technically because of him, it all led back to him and just imagining the sheer amount of guilt he was facing and it killed me inside when you wrote how even he was shrinking down and sick with worry and everything but the when jeongin finally confessed in that garden, the days after that, he started to get better while reader started to worsen???

the first moment I actually felt so emotionally stricken by was when he told reader to not leave him and that was when I finally cried and it ACHED

and something about the reader saying "One last time" and the fact that she couldn't even get to finish the sentence and struggled… the way jeongin knew that and felt like dropping to his knees and just sobbing his heart out, yet again, right then and there… it hurt

and the contrast between ↓

the parallels are so amazing and heartbreaking

the moment in the garden scene where reader tell jeongin "I love you" directly, it just hurt my heart to read about Jeongin's dams just bursting and him breaking down in tears just from those three words, because reader was dying for that exact same reason, because she loved him is just… my heart reached out for him even though this was just a fictional story

and jeongin begging reader to not hold him back and to let him just…. to just love you

the way reader notices the year streaks on his face after cleaning the bloodied bowl, the time when reader says that she would rather die, knowing that jeongin loved you, instead of just living in that numbness, AND THEN YOU HAD TO HIT US EITH "but he knows he hasn't faced the worst part yet." like, HOW MUCH MORE WRONG COULD THIS GO????

much worse apparently.

him dragging out some time to stay with reader longer before she died because he was still so so so scared of letting reader go?? my heart?? does not properly function anymore??? pain??

there was this thought that I had while reading the silver rose part.

the rose signified a pain, a beautiful pain, right? I just found it so sad, that the meaning was so different to a silver lining. silver linings represent something good amidst the dark and dreary clouds, yet this silver rose just brought so much pain and… fuck you, rose. I won't look at flowers the same way again.

the second time I had to put down my phone and just weep for a moment was near the end, when jeongin finay visits her grave and tells her that he would make her proud, that he would not let her be forgotten. it brought me a feeling of closure, and I felt so fucking bittersweet. THE THINGS YOU DO TO ME, DAWN. WTH.

MY POINT IS, I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE A LEGEND FOR WRITING THIS ROLLERCOASTER OF A JOURNEY

okay I actually hate Tumblr because I answered this ask and Tumblr just crashed so I have to write it out again zmzhzj

🥺😭❣️ oh my gosh, this is going to make me cry. Your words have definitely made me feel very happy, and your excitement and analysis of the story is making me feel KAKDJLDNSKIS on the inside thank u so much vera :((((

NOOOO I DIDN'T WANNA RUIN ROSES FOR U 😭😂 but your analogy of the silver linings and roses is an interesting thought! I hadn't thought of it that way but now that you've told me it makes sense! It's such a good way to think of the symbolism and 😭🥺😭🥺 you've just made my whole day and your words carry a special place in my heart.

ALSO SKSJSKJS THE PARALLELS THING WERE ONE OF MY FAV LINES FROM THE WHOLE THING!!

Also I had to give these two butterflies closure or my heart wouldn't have let me live in peace ;-; it is very bittersweet and ngl it made me cry when I wrote it smxbxkxn

KSMSKJSKSJ I am no where near a legend dear but just because it's you I will accept that title 🥺😭❣️ and thank YOU for writing me this ask ;-;

ps if u wanna rb the fic via mobile, u can go to my blog and you'll see some self Reblogs of the fic below the pinned post, and u can rb them! Tumblr won't crash when u do that that's how I've been self reblogging them via mobile zjzjzmjzh </3

[eyes-of-fanfiction-green]

Shutting Down Part 2

Dean x Reader

!!!!!!!PART 1 here !!!!!!!!!

!!!!!! PART3 here !!!!!!

!!!!!! PART 4 here !!!!!

!!!!! PART 5 here !!!!!

Summary: after a fight with the reader, Dean went out and got drunk, waking up in another girl’s bed. Now that the reader left, both of them have to deal with the aftermath of the situation.

Warnings: Depression, self-hatred, LOTS OF ANGST

A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long to add. I hope you guys like it. Also, I’m so sorry this is a long post, I use the mobile app for tumblr and I can’t figure out how to do the “read more” thing. If anyone knows how to do that for mobile, please let me know!! Also, THERE WILL BE A PART THREE!!

Two months after leaving, you were brought out of your research-induced daze with two sharp knocks to your door.

Silently you got up out of you seat, hand going to your gun. Slowly opening the door revealed a very tired Sam who’s expression instantly turned to relief.

“[Y/N].”

You just stared blankly at the tall giant. There was no emotion on your face or any sign of acknowledgement.

“[Y/N] I’ve been looking for you for months! It’s so good to see you!” Sam pulled you into a tight hug.

After a moment he pulled back, quickly noticing your lack of response. At all. Nothing. You hadn’t even spoken.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

Blink.

“Can- can I come in?”

Blink.

You shifted to the side of the door, allowing a space for Sam to enter. He took the cue and slipped inside.

“So...” Sam looked around the small room. Noting how uncommonly clean it was. Like you hadn’t been living there for the past week. “How have you been lately?”

You closed the door and turned to face Sam. His eyes widened as he finally got a good look at you. Your eyes were red and sunken in, your face gaunt and thin. You skin was uncommonly pale and your clothes hung unnaturally loose off your body. But it was the haunted look in your previously gleaming eyes that scared Sam the most.

“[Y/N], when was the last time you slept...or ate? What’s going on with you?” He looked you up and down as he took a step closer to you. “Is- is this because of Dean?”

You visibly flinched at the mention of his brother’s name. Still silent.

Sam tried again, “When was the last time you slept?”

You shrugged, leaning casually against the closed door. Then with a harsh cough to wake up your vocal cords, you raised your eyes to meet Sam’s gaze. “What do you want Sam?” Your voice was rough, quiet, and clearly unused.

Sam tried to hide the alarmed look on his face as he cleared his throat.“Um... well... let’s just get down to it I guess..... it’s Dean.” Sam paused, checking for your response. Nothing. “He um, he’s not doing good.” A humorless laugh escaped his lips. “He looks even worse than you. And his hunting is beyond reckless. He’s going end up killed soon. He has nightmares every night. He never laughs, barely eats, doesn’t sleep-“

“So?”

Sam snapped his eyes back to you. “So?!”

You narrow your eyes, and Sam snorted in disbelief. “So?! SO, he’s a mess!! The guy is running himself into the ground. It’s amazing he’s even still alive! Hunting with him is like running a suicide mission!”

You walk over to your chair sitting in front of your laptop, resuming your research for your current hunt. “And?”

Sam took a breath to calm himself down. “And.....I’m asking you to comeback.”

Sam saw you visibly stiffen and quickly tried to rush in with an explanation. “Look, I know what Dean did. But he wasn’t in his right mind. He would NEVER have cheated on you if he hadn’t been black-out drunk! I understand you’re mad but he won’t make that mistake again, believe me. Please....it’s killing him.” Sam paused for a moment. “....and i think it’s killing you too.”

You shook your head and took a step farther away from Dean’s little brother. “You don’t understand. I’m not mad.”

Sam furrowed his brows, “You’re heart-broken.”

“Yes. But it’s more than that. I know D-“ You swallowed, choking on your lover’s name. “I know Dean would never make that mistake twice. Especially after all this.” You tried to ignored the tears that were beginning to fill your eyes. “That’s not the problem.”

“Then what is?”

You swallowed again thickly, forcing yourself back into your emotionless cage. “The problem is when Dean cheated on me, his subconscious was in charge because of how drunk he was....and he chose another girl. He doesn’t want me, not really. Not deep down. And I.... I have been hurt, by so many people, I cant deal with that Dean left me too.”

Silence.

You didn’t care if your logic was flawed. But what was the point? Everything was numb in you, and you didn’t think you could feel anything even if you wanted to.

It scared you that a single person could impact you like this. It seemed illogical.

“I think you’d better go, Sam.”

“No, listen to me-“

“Sam. I’m not changing my mind. Dean needs to move on and deal with the consequences of his actions.”

Sam stared at you in disbelief. “Do you even care about him at all?” The quiet question hung in the air for a moment before you sighed and went to open the door, gesturing for Sam to exit.

“I care too much.”

The confession left your lips just as Sam walked past you. His step hesitated for a moment before he slipped a piece of paper into your hand.

“If you change your mind, we are staying in Indiana right now. This is this address of our motel....if you change your mind.”

Earnest hazel eyes gazed down at you, searching your dead gaze for a moment.

“Please...change your mind?”

—————————————————

Dean stared out the window of the motel, his mind replaying the morning you left over and over in his mind, like a cinema projection.

Sam had gone out somewhere a few hours ago. Dean hadn’t really paid attention to his explanation. He hadn’t really paid attention to anything lately.

The only thing that even kept him functioning was hunting.

The blood, the injuries, the pain. He felt as though he deserved it. So he reveled in it. Looked forward to it.

All he wanted was pain. In a hope that the physical hurt, could drown out the mental hurt he felt every day....it never did.

He knew he was being dramatic. But he had never thought he could be so effected by someone before...until she left and he realized... he loved her.

But he wouldn’t go after her. He didn’t deserve her.

“I’m sorry [Y/N]. I’m so fucking sorry.”

———————-

!!PART THREE Here!!

@supernatural13-13 @tftumblin @deans-babyy-momma

Let me know if anyone wants to be added to my tag list!

[pangtasias-atelier]

eclipse is just the next corporate attempt to make their website "Cool and trendy" or mobile friendly or whatever instead of just sticking with and improving whats already functioning well and no one complained about, looking at you twitter and literally every other fucking social media site on the planet. i cannot fathom whyyyyyy they all do this

Yeahhhhhh, like eclipse is just gross looking and also doesn't feel as good on mobile where as the original works great for mobile. (Except notes at times but I barely use notes)

Tumblr does small changes that are stupid but like I kinda appreciate most of them or forget about them at least.

The only site rehaul I enjoyed was furaffinity since the old one just kinda sucked for mobile since you had to keep zooming in.

[naomiknight-17]

Man, like

Tumblr has its good days and bad and today is a fucking shitshow

Thank god for the block and unfollow features

[uniformbravo]

every iteration of this website is so stupidly broken both desktop & mobile

app:

constantly goes “u h oh blOOp boOP where ht INTErnet go Bye ByewhOOPSie daisy!!1″ even tho every other app has No Problem w/ the internet, i literally have to restart this thing 20 fuckin times a day to get it to load basic ass shit like the fuckign dashboard & search & my notifications & literally every other function there possibly is

search on blogs is garbage & even if u go into an actual tag on a blog it won’t show everything in the tag bc fuck you

the dash randomly teleporting u to a different spot on it after reblogging smth sometimes, usually after u turned off ur phone screen & then went back to it later, even if u didnt leave the app (the same process is a source of the “bloop boop” messages)

the instant messaging thing doesn’t show u new messages sometimes even if u have the same convo open on desktop. in fact it works the other way around too. tumblr in general does NOT like it when u have the same convo open on different devices

sometimes straight up doesn’t give me notifications for conversations & i have to find out i was accidentally ignoring someone hours later when i get on my laptop (if i even decide to use it that day!)

the amount of storage this app sucks up is Annoyingly A Lot. constantly clearing the cache bc it’s usually like 80 fuckin mb

desktop: 

if u use pages instead of infinite scroll on the dash the previous page button straight up does not work & will just take u to the current front page no matter how many pages in u were

hitting the back button on ur browser (or at least on chrome) does the exact same thing, unless you 1. wait for the page ur on to finish loading, 2. scroll down a little bit (just don’t leave it at the top of the page), and then hit the browser’s back arrow, then there’s a better chance it’ll work properly (yeah that’s right it doesn’t even work 100% of the time u just gotta hope & keep going back until it works)

tumblr literally just randomly changing the page url from like “/dashboard/20″ to just “/dashboard” so that both refreshing & clicking the back button just take u to the front page again

related to the last one, if ur like 20 pages deep in ur dash & u leave the tab for too long that ur browser (or again at least in chrome’s case) has to reload the page, when u go back to it it just gives u the current front page bc it changed the url to “/dashboard” & now it thinks this is the front page (if u were back further than like page 2 u can try to fix this by hitting the browser’s back button & hoping for the best)

the fact that u can’t manually go to random pages on ur dash by typing “dashboard/[number]” anymore bc why would we hold onto useless functionality like that. so if ur rly far back in ur dash & u lose the page bc of any of the previously mentioned garbage ur fucked 

(unless u go into ur actual browser history & find the page w/ the correct url like “/dashboard/25″ or if u don’t know the specific number then usually the url w/ the biggest number. u can also kind of estimate by opening the page from ur history & hovering over the top right corner of any post to see what time in ur timezone that particular post was made/reblogged, that way u can find the page w/ the earliest or most accurate to your memory timestamp & assume that’s the right one. i just thought of this method today & i am very pleased with myself but also very annoyed that this website is so shitty i have to find such convoluted workarounds GOD)

search is just straight up garbage. the ONLY thing that mobile has over desktop is that the search actually shows the most recent posts w/o skipping any (any of the posts that actually Made it into search results, that is)

app-less mobile gets an honorable mention bc i don’t use it anymore & haven’t for years but 1. that thing where u try to like a post & it’s like “ohh you don’t have the app?? you fucking loser??? you fucking whiny ass child can’t even use our mobile app???? eat shit” is really annoying and 2. the dash has this header that’s like “open this in the app!” so one time i was like “ok” bc i had the app at that point & it didn’t even take me to the app it just opened up the tumblr download page on app store like fuckin. Ok

anyway theres so much more i could complain about especially on the topic of search but this is so much longer than i meant to go on for anyway so basically. the “this site is barely held together by glue & duct tape” sentiment is NO exaggeration, u couldnt make this shit up, jeez

[echoes-of-realities]

Hi! I read your rant on why glee was so poorly done (I agree completely). I was wondering if you could explain your connection with the characters (specifically Brittany and Santana)? Why do you care so much about characters from a show you don’t really like or agree with? Or why do you continue to write using them? Just curious!

So first, I debated for a long time about this, but eventually decided to just give the really personal and really long answer partially because this is a situation that has popped up again and partially because being a fic writer is very personal, so my answer is going to be really personal anyways. You can’t spend most of your time writing inside the mind of someone else without leaving a bit of yourself behind.

Second, I’m not explaining this situation to get sympathy or anything. It’s just what I’ve been through and what I’m going through again, but the difference is that this time around I’m in a much better place than I was last time. I’m more comfortable with myself and more settled, I’m not letting myself go into a depressive spiral like last year, and I have much healthier coping methods this time around.

And third, this is kinda a contemplation on my mental health now, so I’m mostly going ahead and posting to remind myself of how far I’ve come and since this is my personal blog and I Can lol

So! More below the cut. If the cut doesn’t work on mobile, as it is wont to do, I’m so sorry, Tumblr is barely functional at the best of times so just scroll really fast lmao.

So I got into Glee right in the middle of a really rough time in my life. Late last November we found out that my little sister—who’s still in high school—had an aggressive tumour in her knee, and none of the doctor’s could figure out exactly what it was. She had a biopsy in December though we didn’t get the results until February since they didn’t know what it was, but it showed it there was like a 0.01% of it being cancerous. When it had been MRI’d in October it was the size of a loonie and aggressively growing, but when they removed it the following March it had shrunk to like the size of a pea. They sent that off for testing but there wasn’t enough of a sample to figure it out but they think it might have been a burned out cancerous tumour. And so they removed it and scraped the bone around it, threw some cement in my sister’s knee, and called it a day. Flash forward to two weeks ago, my sister had a cheek up because it’d been a year since the found out about it, and instead of getting the news that everything was fine we instead found out that whatever the fuck it is—because they still don’t know—is back and is now growing above the cement and in an entirely different spot than the first tumour. So now we’re back to the waiting game to figure out what the fuck is going on in my sister’s knee, since the radiologists are still puzzling over her new MRI from this December.

So long story short, my sister is still a certified medical weirdo and I spent the last bit of November 2017 until about February thinking my 16 year-old sister had bone cancer. Needless to say, I was in a really bad place last year and my concentration was shot all to hell. (If you’ve been following me for a while you might remember me explaining why I don’t read or write Hard Angst? This was the depressive spiral I was talking about. This was what I was dealing with and how I discovered that Angsty fic makes my mental health so much worse.)

So that’s what I was dealing with when I got into Glee read: only Brittana lol and flash back a little bit more and I’ll spare you the details of my Epiphany Moment, but I came out as gay to myself, and then came out to my mom in the end of October, so that was still New and Fresh for me. I wanna say I probably started watching Glee again, read: only Brittana scenes lol probably a week after I found out about my sister’s tumour? It was after that but before my finals that semester started, and I literally couldn’t focus or concentrate on anything—because aside from dealing with that, I also lived 1.5 hours away from my family, so my auntie stayed with my sister and my mom so they could all be there for each other, and just because of circumstance I was alone with my thoughts most of the time.

Then I was looking for something to listen to while studying or working on end of term assignments or whatever and I stumbled upon s5’s Valerie. And okay so I’ve Known about Glee since it came out. I watched the pilot but never really got into it, my friend lent me her box set of s1 and I got as far as Terri admitting to her fake pregnancy and went “yep too far for me”, I remember when Cory died because I’m Canadian and he was our Canadian sweetheart, I even remember when Brittana got married because it was all over tumblr and I was at that stage where “I’m invested in gay successes and characters because my cousin is gay and I support gay people and for No Other Reason” lmao. So like, I Knew about Glee, and I Knew about how, uh, let’s say Particular the fandom was over the years. So I watched s5′s Valerie and thought “hey these characters are really cute together and from my Vague Memories I’m pretty sure they’re the show’s lesbian couple?” And I looked it up, saw they were Childhood Friends (that one (1) canon line be damned) to Lovers, which is probably the trope I’m Weakest for lol, and basically just fell down the rabbit hole.

At the beginning of me getting into Glee, it was basically because I had just come out about a month and a bit prior, and I was going through probably the darkest time in my life, and these two characters were about the only thing that was distracting me from my sister’s tumour so I clung to them. I had stopped writing (omg sorry to anyone who followed me from the b99 childhood neighbours au, I think about it being unfinished Constantly and it Haunts me to this day) from about the time we found out about it in November to when the biopsy results came back in the first week of February and we found out that the chances of it being cancerous were like 0.01%. In that time I had been watching Glee again, read: Brittana scenes only lmao and fell in love with the characters themselves beyond “they were distracting me from hard shit,” and so the day we found out the tumour wasn’t cancerous was the day I sat down and found I could finally write again, and I realized I actually had a story in my head, which resulted in you were the choice I made before I knew what the other choices were. So I wrote that and posted it in February this year and got an overwhelmingly positive response to it, past anything I had ever imagined considering the show had ended like 3 years ago lol. 

So I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this rambling is that the characters came into my life at the exact right time in the exact right way. Santana’s coming out storyline was not the exact same as mine, but I was also pretending to be somebody I wasn’t in high school, I understand how terrifying it is to live in a Small Town and worry about someone finding out, my grandma died earlier in 2017 and responded poorly to my cousin coming out years before, so the s6 scenes were so bittersweet to watch. And I don’t know exactly why I fell in love with Brittany, but her own storyline in s2 when she was learning to stand up for herself is something I Know, her incredible patience and understanding and snark is what I aspire to, and the fact that people are Constantly underestimating her and she’s struggled with being seen as good enough is so familiar. And their relationship is so strong and tender despite the continued thrashings it took and I admire that so much—even if most of my admiration comes from fic depictions and not canon (s6 aside) lmao.

So yeah, as cheesy as it sounds, even though I think Glee did some good but overall handled their responsibility to their narrative and their audience Horribly, Brittana as characters and as a relationship were the only thing distracting me from obsessing and panicking and spiralling over my sister’s tumour, their storylines helped me understand my own coming out process a little better, and, probably the biggest thing for me, was that they were what got me back into writing again. So I’m always going to love them so much because they’re complex and real (even if most of that comes from fanon interpretations), but the reason they mean so much to me is because I fell in love with them when everyone else in my life was shitty and completely out of my control.