#also hello it’s been a while since I’ve posted here lmao

[wherearemyhatchets]

whenever I see an orchid while shopping, I immediately think of Orchis Fatalis. then I snicker under my breath at the thought of Scott being shook about the cost of rare plants, and how people were murdered for the sake of a little yellow orchid ☠️

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine "Genre BLs," Along With a Critical Take on Branded Ships

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I take a look at my very first GMMTV series that I ever watched, The Eclipse, to examine its prowess as a "genre" BL, and to take a critical stab at the branded ship model vis à vis a successful narrative.]

HELLO. Due to BIG SUMMER LIFE (!!!) (WOW -- work trips, work changes, new projects, the regular family stuff, so much travel!), I've been a couple months delayed on getting some words down on my recent rewatch of The Eclipse for my Old GMMTV Challenge project, but I'm glad to take some time now to talk about this show.

I'm at a point in the project where my syllabus (pasted at the bottom of this post) will take me into the territory of many shows that I've already watched since starting my Thai BL journey in the fall of 2022, shows that I watched while they were airing, such as Moonlight Chicken, Bed Friend, Be My Favorite, and others. (I will be offering short, non-rewatch notes on some of these shows as I go along in the chronology.) The Eclipse is one of these.

I wanted to specifically give The Eclipse a full rewatch for a couple of reasons, the biggest one being very personal, in that The Eclipse was my very first ever-EVER GMMTV series (!!!). And, the only Thai BL I had watched, in the late summer and fall of 2022, prior to The Eclipse was KinnPorsche.

So! At the time of my watching The Eclipse in 2022, I had nooooo idea who First Kanaphan or Khaotung Thanawat were; I didn't know about the existence of branded ships in Thai BLs yet; I didn't know about the prevalence and regularity of side couples in Thai BLs, as VegasPete had been my first exposure to that; I didn't effing know about the fabulousity that is Neo Trai, none of it.

I simply just watched the show on the recommendation of a dear mutual. And, fuck, man, I totally had expected WAY more salacious material in The Eclipse coming off of KinnPorsche! At first, I was like, Thailand is WILDIN', and then it was just the GMMTV-PG FirstKhao smooches, which was fine, they were great, ha! I wasn't disappointed, but lmao, that was my mindset and understanding of my very brief introduction to Thai BLs at that very moment -- I thought it was all guns and butts and mafiosos and pool sex.

Besides rewatching The Eclipse with my now-very-experienced Thai BL glasses on to fix ALL of those past assumptions, I also wanted to rewatch the show in the understanding that filmmaker and former politician, Golf Tanwarin (the first transgender member of parliament in Thailand's House of Representatives) was addressing homophobia and leveraging their screenplay to talk about themes of stifling conformation in Thai society vis à vis the fictional environment of the Suppalo boys school. I want to demarcate this moment as an important one: at this point of my syllabus, the late summer and fall of 2022, the Thai BL landscape exists still mostly within the no-homophobia bubble, with only a handful of shows (He's Coming To Me, Secret Crush On You, etc.) stepping out of that bubble to grab the theme of homophobia and really wrangle with it frontally by way of familial and social acceptance.

However, I have to admit something as I write this review. During this recent rewatch, I had the benefit not just of my past historical chronological viewing of old shows behind me to judge The Eclipse's success as a show and as a messenger of deeper themes past straightforward romance; but I also had the benefit of foresight into the future, seeing how First and Khao served as a branded couple again in Only Friends, a series that, I believe, flopped in its narrative end due to the show prioritizing happy endings for its branded couples, rather than taking the time and the risks to break the branded ships up (or, at least, rock their foundations) to offer sophisticated social commentary on casual sex, as the initial marketing for Only Friends had initially promised.

In other words, I had critical glasses on for FirstKhao's performance, not necessarily for the actors themselves (well, kinda, lemme be for real), but I also wanted to understand better how The Eclipse centered THEM as an IT, a tangible IT, the branded ship, either against and/or vis à vis Golf's underlying critical messaging on social conformity and homophobia.

Unfortunately, through that critical lens, what I gained out of this rewatch of The Eclipse is a confirmed judgement that the common Thai BL structure of very much CENTERING a branded ship, especially emanating out of GMMTV, the central home for branded ships in Thailand, will almost CERTAINLY render a show attempting to make higher messages a weaker one in the end.

I found myself FULLY enjoying The Eclipse out of the FirstKhao sequences. When I first watched The Eclipse in 2022, I was a Thua hater, and I engaged for the very first time with @respectthepetty and others on subsequent defenses of Thua's outing of Akk and Ayan in the context of Akk and Ayan acting like loose-cannon-dillholes themselves. (This was a fabulous intro to my engaging with others on Tumblr, by the way, and I remember this discourse fondly!)

This time around, with the blessing of hindsight, I fully appreciated Louis Thanawin's FANTASTIC performance at the end of the series, as an overly frustrated and overwhelmed student wrangling with his sexuality, his attraction to Kan, and watching Kan's own struggles with his own sexuality, along with dealing with an overbearing stepfather -- and all of that happening while he was watching the hypocrisy of Akk slowly warming to Ayan, while Akk simultaneously punished The World Remembers gang. Louis, as Thua, fucking nailed it, and was an utter cutie at the end with Kan (including in Our Skyy 2, swoon). And forget about Neo Trai: Neo as Kan was one of the best performances I've seen of Neo's, as a student struggling literally to the second to manage his outward displays of automatic attraction to Thua for the sake of maintaining a façade of "order" for the Suppalo environment.

How does all of this impact my thoughts on FirstKhao as a branded ship, and AkkAyan as a fictional couple in The Eclipse?

There was so much great commentary on mental health, on social pressures and conformity, and on the reliance of history to contextualize and engage in suppression, in this show. The show hit hard and impactfully on these themes. As I just mentioned, the story of Thua was a welcome inclusion of the various ways in which homophobia impacted the Suppalo environment on micro- and macro-levels. The story of Dika is also gutting, and I appreciated The Eclipse for never turning an eye away from Ayan's continued suffering at losing his uncle so traumatically. (I also understand that there was quite a lot of conservative protest against The Eclipse in Thailand, and that the show being shortened by two episodes may have been related to this, along with the show airing during ongoing student protests.)

Unfortunately, I believe The Eclipse tripped on itself when it stepped away from these themes to move to more lighthearted moments with AkkAyan. I think the centering of this ship led to a number of key unfulfilled narrative moments, including a key factual skip later in the series, when Ayan indicates to Akk that Akk had made a promise to reveal his work against The World Remembers, a promise that did not have prior reference in earlier episodes.

This isn't to say that a budding couple can't have sweet moments. And we saw a tremendous amount of trauma coming from both Akk and Ayan, with Ayan's ongoing anger at Suppalo, and Akk's fear of rejection for his and his family's financial state, leading him to embody Suppalo's culture of suppression for the sake of his own survival at the school. These very-deeply messed-up fictional boys absolutely deserved and needed love.

But I found myself taking the most notes on this show when I felt the tones of previous scenes of protest, trauma, or attack were juxtaposed against getting Akk and Ayan together for a subsequent scene, especially later in the series, when their flirtation continued to grow. I felt this particularly during the outdoor Twitter scene in the bleachers, when Akk and Ayan were using tweets as a means of finding out who was running the counterprotest Twitter account, which was placed right after a particularly brutal attack against The World Remembers. I needed to flip my emotional attention back to a practiced GMMTV routine of watching a ship continue to warm up to each other for memorable and meme-able moments, and I found that juxtaposition jarring.

As opposed to Not Me, GMMTV's first "genre" BL that played with a sandbox outside of romance, The Eclipse was on steadier feet. While Not Me really tried to play around de-centering a shipped pair in OffGun, it truly stumbled in rushing back to inject romance throughout the storyline, particularly with DanYok taking up unexpected and discordant room (ACAB, YOK). And outside of GMMTV, we've seen many "genre" BLs actually work really well, most notably to that point in 2022, the crime-driven Manner of Death (MaxTul, my beloved), which balanced a developing romance with a legitimately interesting and unwinding mystery, all with a sharp and solid screenplay that didn't stray from its intended purpose. (Maybe I'm getting my hopes up too soon, but we're seeing "genre" BL doing well right now with 4 Minutes, and GMMTV has another, riskier, "genre" BL coming up in its crime-driven series, Kidnap.)

GMMTV, however, demands something economically from its shows, a sellable final product that can be transmogrified into fan meetings, branded items, and most of all, enduring and memorable legacies for the branded ships that center most of its BLs. At the time of The Eclipse's airing, both First and Khao had been previously paired with others (First with Gawin Caskey in Not Me; Khao with Podd Suphakorn in Tonhon Chonlotee), and the sao wais had been eagerly awaiting the debut of FirstKhao, and were fed nicely.

I can't say, quantifiably, if the majority of the global Thai BL fandom, or even the majority of the GMMTV fandom, are sao wais who only watch GMMTV shows for branded ships and guaranteed happy endings between shipped actors that only partner with the same person over and over again. I also believe that at this moment in time (in 2024), that we may be seeing differences in preferences emanating from fandoms based in Thailand, China, elsewhere in Asia, and globally, particularly in Europe and North and South America, between fans that will willingly support branded ships through very bad narrative shows, versus fans that prefer well-scripted shows above all else.

I think, after the economic earthquake that was the airing of 2gether in 2020, that GMMTV made a hard-turn decision to prioritize series that centered repeating branded ships above all other kinds of investment in other shows, including excellent screenplays.

I say this not to bemoan the opportunity for Thai filmmakers to have economic success. If these shows are making coin for Thai creatives -- maybe even the kind of coin that will allow these creatives to have more artistic freedom in their futures -- then I cannot begrudge that at all, and I wish these artists economic success.

But from a critical viewpoint of artistically narrative success, I'd argue that the last truly great narrative show of GMMTV's portfolio is 2021-22's Bad Buddy, featuring a branded ship in OhmNanon that I'm sure the network wanted to use again, one that both Nanon Korapat and Ohm Pawat knew they didn't want to repeat. Since then, while we've had a small amount of storytelling gems out of GMMTV like Moonlight Chicken, Cherry Magic Thailand, and Cooking Crush, most of what's come out of that studio has been mediocre for the past few years, with some aching stumbles having been had in shows like 23.5, Wandee Goodday, and My Love Mix-Up Thailand, which is airing now.

A major complaint across social media right now about My Love Mix-Up Thailand, centering Gemini Norawit and Fourth Nattawat, is that the show rushes to create meme-able moments between them, which is more in line with GMMTV's bottom line of engagement first. My Love Mix-Up/Kieta Hatsukoi is an utterly beloved Japanese manga and dorama. While G4 fans are drumming up the level of social media engagement that GMMTV judges "success" on, many other general BL fans have been left disappointed by the show's pulling back from honoring certain moments of hilarity and connection with the original Japanese source material (how could Fourth NOT go into the trash can?!).

I posit that it was 2gether's 2020 airing that encouraged GMMTV to make the pivot from investing in well-crafted screenplays, and taking risks to split ships up -- as the network did with Tay Tawan in 2019's 3 Will Be Free -- to center the branded ships.

And I think 2022's The Eclipse is an excellent example of the result of this decision-making: that while The Eclipse's core ideas within its screenplay were admirable, and much of the acting and romance outside of the branded ship were great to watch, that the show's needing to leave the central path of the narrative central story to spotlight the FirstKhao ship to create engagement-worthy moments ultimately took power away from the show and its message.

Only Friends -- a late-2023 show that initially marketed itself on breaking up ships and celebrating casual sex -- came back around in the end to scold any of us fans that wanted to see the ships sink. The dynamic between First and Khao in Only Friends was incredibly similar to their dynamic in The Eclipse: First acting as a tough-guy character who couldn't help being simp-ly swept away by an overpowering character played by Khao. I'm afraid the same will be repeated again in Jojo Tichakorn's next show, The Heart Killers, and I'd like to be proven wrong there, but.

It's incredible for me to reflect on what I know now about The Eclipse, and how this otherwise-excellent show was, in my eyes, economically impacted by the casting decision to prioritize a branded ship over the narrative cohesiveness of a screenplay. GMMTV has only committed even more to this path since The Eclipse's airing.

For the sake of excellent actors like First, and especially Khao: I hope they can have the future opportunity to spread their wings and act with other actors (as the very extreme majority of actors in entertainment get to enjoy), to shake off the economic prioritizing of branded ships in order to access better screenplays and stories. They deserve it, as hard-working creatives, and I'll certainly support them outside of the branded ship model, one that I believe is showing artistic wear and tear as more branded ship shows keep narratively sinking.

[Alright! So, where am I on the OGMMTV list? I've actually already finished the next show on my list, GAP The Series, this summer, and I hope I can pen that review in short order to get this series back on some kind of timely track.

HOWEVER, HEH HEH, that's actually going to be a bit difficult for me as, per the recommendation of a couple of BL elders, I am backtracking chronologically and tackling 2022's The Miracle of Teddy Bear, Thailand's first queer primetime, broadcast channel-level lakorn, which consists of 16 90-minute episodes, which, woof. Despite its hefty length, I am terribly excited to watch a show (a lakorn, EEEE!) out of the usual Thai BL bubble, one that I understand has been potentially misunderstood and/or mis-marketed to BL fandoms over the years. For the sake of its primetime airing alone, it holds an important place on the OGMMTVC syllabus. And I can't wait to take a crack at a Thai major channel's first attempt to make queer content and BL-genre-influenced content a primetime offering.

This means that, once again, My School President has been held at a delay, but I will get to MSP soon, I SWEAR! (And....oops. I'm thiiiiiinking that I might watch My Love Mix-Up after MSP at literal warp speed, literally 1.5x, to do another piece on branded ships vis à vis G4 and Au Kornprom in 2022 vs. 2024. We'll see. I may not wanna do that to myself, but... but! For science?!?! Maybe.)

Here's the updated OGMMTVC syllabus for your perusal. ONWARDS!

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here)

21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here)

31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: preamble here, part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4) 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) (review here) 35) The Miracle of Teddy Bear (2022) (watching) 36) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here)  37) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist (part 1 and part 2) 38) Honorable Mention: War of Y (2022) (for the sake of an attempt to provide meta BL commentary within a BL in the modern BL era), with a complementary watch of Aam Anusorn’s documentary, BL: Broken Fantasy (2020) (thoughts here) 39) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 40) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine "Genre BLs," Along With a Critical Take on Branded Ships

41) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) (review coming) 42) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 43) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 44) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 45) La Pluie (2023) (review coming) 46) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 47) Wedding Plan (2023) (Recommended as an important trajectory in the course of MAME’s work and influence from TharnType) 48) Only Friends (2023) (tag here) (not technically a BL, but it certainly became one in the end) 49) Last Twilight (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as Thailand’s first major BL to center disability, successfully or otherwise) 50) Cherry Magic Thailand (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as the first major Japanese-to-Thai drama adaptation, featuring the comeback of TayNew)

51) Ossan’s Love Returns (2024) (adding for the EarthMix cameo and the eventual Thai remake) 52) Dead Friend Forever (2024) (thoughts here) 53) 23.5 (2024) (GMMTV’s first GL) (thoughts here)]

[the-doomed-witch]

✦ You’re An Idiot & I Love You

Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: After Thanos, you and Wanda quit the team to live a peaceful life together, trying to leave behind the trauma. (Read warnings)

Word Count: 4.0k

Author’s Note: hello here’s another fic, i’ve been working on it since almost a week :) i cannot stop listening to 305 by shawn mendes so i based the latter part of this fic on the song <3 the initial part is just a vent fic lmao. i’m thinking of writing a part two, but i don’t really know. my gif btw!

Warnings: 18+ MINORS+MEN DNI. traumatic past events, post-war trauma, flashbacks & nightmares, smut, thigh riding, fingering, praise kink, names (princess), a little angst, fluffy | best friends to lovers

Masterlist

YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED TO REPOST OR COPY MY WORK.

— ✦ —

You hit the pause button on your phone, look at the clouds and sigh. The park near your home is an amazing place to be, with all its flora, and a clearer view of the sky. Cities are so full of buildings, it’s almost impossible to see a clear sky outside the park anymore.

Whenever anxiety comes over, sitting on the park bench and listening to white noise helps you calm down. It also helps Wanda know where to take you when you aren’t at your best.

Sometimes she would hold your hand and sit next to you, listening to the same sound in a different pair of headphones. It’s truly therapeutic for both of you. The events of the past few years have been deeply disturbing for the entire team of Avengers. So you and Wanda decided to quit the team, and swore that both of you wouldn’t never exercise your powers again. Of course, there could be exceptional cases where the use of powers is ultimately the only way, but it’s mostly nothing to do with your simple lives.

Wanda goes to a therapist sometimes, and has offered you to try it out too, several times. You just deny with a simple shake of your head, and keep the topic aside. You’re happy to see her get better, settle her unsolved traumas, and accept Vision’s death.

“I knew you’d be here.” Wanda walks up to you, which is also the reason why you clicked the pause button. You give her a sincere smile, which she returns happily.

“Guess I’ve developed a little longing for this place. I can’t help but be here, I feel the safest here when you aren’t around.”

“Oh Y/N, you know I always come back home and always will. You’re my best friend, and the only one. I’m so happy that living together has worked out for the both of us.”

“So am I, Wands. I know I don’t have to run around the compound looking for you anymore.” Smiling with melancholy, you continue, “I miss bumping into our friends while doing that.”

She sighs deeply. There are memories of Vision in her mind, but they don’t feel like a dagger anymore. They are just bittersweet feelings for a star-crossed love. “Y/N, it’s been years since we left the team. Do you think they miss us? I wish we had parted with no hard feelings.”

“I think that it’s fine. It’s been years, nothing big has happened. And I hope it only stays this way. I don’t care if someone is still pissed off after so long, the war damaged us just as it did them, and we are still recovering.”

“But Y/N… you’re just refusing it all. There’s no point in being delusional. It’s affecting you, and your mental health in a really bad way.”

“I know but I cannot help it Wanda! I have had nothing before the Avengers, I don’t even know what I am grieving for. I haven’t had anyone to go home to since forever, and now that I have it, I wouldn’t change it for anything. Not even for friends who’d have hard feelings against me after I choose to live a life post-war.” You feel like you’ve spoken too much, because you feel like tearing up.

Wanda comes closer to you and hugs you tight. “Y/N, honey, it’s okay I’m right here.”

You sit there with her, since there’s nothing else you can do right now. For several minutes, none of you loosen the grip, too scared that either of you could turn to dust.

— ✦ —

On the way back home, you hold hands like little kids. Living with your best friend has got to be the best decision you’ve ever made. Feels like she holds a key to the corner of your heart that nobody has dared to discover.

“Hey, what are you thinking?” she moves closer and sits next to you on the couch.

“Nothing, just that you’re probably my favourite person in the whole world.”

“Stop being so cheesy and tell me the truth.”

“It is the truth. I love being with you Wanda, I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/N. Your existence lights up mine. I don’t want to leave you, ever.”

You give her a kiss on the cheek, and reply, “I will not leave you, ever.” After being through all the devastating events together, you’ve both developed quite a habit of sitting together in silence and thinking. Snapping out of the state, you go to your room to sleep. Or maybe just lay down. Wanda remains in the living room.

— ✦ —

It’s almost 4:30AM and you haven’t slept. Thoughts about Thanos, his army, your teammates, Natasha, and Tony come back. Illusions of blasts, gore and doom fill up your mind. Countless number of people have lost loved ones.

Maybe, just maybe, you could have done something to save your friends. Resentment and regret feel like two old friends who come to lay down next to you.

Wanda is in her room, you can sense her sleeping. It would be a good thing to have someone to talk to, but not that great if you’d have to wake her up. Eyes open, you go back to staring at the ceiling. Tears begin pooling in the corners of your eyes, ready to roll down any moment now.

Silently, you sniff away the mildest nightmare of the night.

— ✦ —

You sit at your desk a couple of hours later, and begin writing something that you don’t know. “Good morning. You're up early?” Wanda walks in. She’s still wearing her shorts and tank top. And she looks damn fine.

“Good morning. Also, what do you mean by ‘up’?” you reply back sarcastically.

“Oh well, don’t tell me you stayed up all night. Now come here, you desperately need a morning hug.”

“You’re a hundred and ten percent correct.”

You get up and go hug her closely. She rubs your back and whispers words of reassurance in your ear. You just hold her and smell her messy hair. You’re sure she used your shampoo but it only makes you want to hug her tighter. After letting go, you look at her face adoringly and tell her sincerely, “You look pretty. So pretty.” She blushes and pushes your shoulder lightly, as a friendly gesture.

“Stop teasing me! I haven’t even had my coffee yet. I’m gonna have to sound mad at you if you make fun of me right now.”

“You think I’m joking? You look fucking gorgeous. Not even kidding, I’d kiss you if we were toge-” You regain consciousness and regret saying anything at all. Should’ve told her I’m being satirical for no reason, you think.

“What was that you said?”

“Nothing.”

“No no, you said something. Say it.”

“Uhhhh that I was making fun of you for nothing. Go tie a bun or something.”

“Did you just say that you would kiss me?”

“What?! No!”

“Okay, if you say so. I don’t trust my ears anyway.” She simply walks out of the room with an air of smugness.

During breakfast, she asks you a question you never expected, but should’ve seen coming. “But like, let’s say hypothetically, would you kiss me if I asked you to?”

You almost choke on the toast. “Wanda, let me have my breakfast in peace. Please.”

“Another question, who would you kiss? Who is your type even? I’ve literally never seen you talk about this in almost over a decade of our friendship. Come on, Y/N, there’s got to be someone.”

“No Wanda, I don’t have a type. If someone is for me, they’re for me. There’s no one that I like right now.”

Her face grew serious and her smile faltered. “You know I can read your mind if I want to, don’t you?”

“I know that. I also know you wouldn’t break a promise to know about a possible date of mine or something.”

“Fine, you win.”

— ✦ —

You’ve been in the park almost all day again. But your mind has been thinking of something else today.

Why did I even say that at all? Would I even kiss her? Would she kiss me back at all? She probably still misses Vision. She literally loved him so much, they were perfect together. No, I shouldn’t even think of this. Especially when Wanda loved Vision so much, and probably still does. But then again it’s just ‘probably’. SHUT UP Y/N.

Screw this. I don’t want to kiss her at all. Never ever.

— ✦ —

“Well you came back quickly, I didn’t even have to come to the garden to bring you back. That’s new.”

“Yeah I guess?”

“Too tempted to kiss me, aren’t you honey?”

“Can you please stop with that Wanda? I don’t even know why I said that at all. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause awkwardness between us. But you’re kind of amplifying it and it’s making me uncomfortable. Can we just not do this? You simply looked gorgeous, that’s all. And I’m not the one to kiss someone just because of how they look. Just leave this.”

“Oh-uhm, okay Y/N. I’m sorry, let’s not make anything uncomfortable for either one of us.”

Wanda seemed deeply hurt by your evidently irritated reply. For a moment, she also felt terror-stricken. It was a side of you that she had seen, but never faced before.

“Thank you. Do you need some help with dinner?”

“Nah it’s almost ready. You might want to set up the table though.”

“Most certainly.”

— ✦ —

The following week is all the same. Everything is sort of normal. Morning comes, you have breakfast with Wanda, you go to the park, Wanda comes to pick you up in the evening, you both have dinner, go back to your own rooms, and you grieve.

A parcel arrives in the mail. It’s addressed to “Y/N Maximoff” and you’re quite unsure how that feels like. Wanda takes notice of it, but says nothing. You kind of wish she’d say something about it. Wanda makes mention of going back to her chores, but you ask her, “Don’t you want to know what’s in the box? I mean, they could’ve mistaken either one of our names.”

“Not really, you can go ahead and open it.”

It was a real bummer. You feel guilty about her attitude towards you. You know something is definitely off with Wanda. You sure have had fights and arguments with her before, but none of them have made her turn away like this. You keep the box aside and decide to open it once Wanda starts talking to you again.

I mean, we are talking but you know what I mean, you tell yourself. And find it stupid. However, the rest of the day continues.

You decide against going to the dear park today, considering how pissed off Wanda already seemed. There has got to be something which could make up her mood.

“Hey Wands, you wanna watch a sitcom? It’s been a while since we sat together to watch one.”

“No Y/N, you can watch it by yourself. I’ve got some work to do.”

And in the same way, she was successful at avoiding spending time with you through any other activity. She was mad at you. You had to clear things with her as soon as possible, before she could find a hundred more reasons to be mad at you.

By the time evening arrived, all the work should definitely have been done. You did not disturb Wanda during her online work even though you’d do that normally whenever you stayed at home.

“Wanda, I need to talk to you. Please stop walking around. You aren’t even listening to me! Just wait for a few minutes. Tell me what is wrong.” You hold her hand to hold her back from leaving.

She takes a deep breath and questions you, “Why do you think something is wrong? Besides, you are the one who did not go have her nerves calmed at a park today but I didn’t go around poking in your business. Leave my hand!”

“Hey, hey take it easy. Wanda, your face literally says “I am pissed off but I want you to guess what it is about” and since I honestly cannot figure it out so I’m simply asking you. If you don’t want to tell me then nevermind. Whatever it is, I am sorry.”

“I don’t want your apologies, keep them with you. And you can go do whatever the hell you want, I don't feel like talking to you right now. Also yes, I am pissed off.” Wanda’s voice slowly rises with every word she speaks, and a little discussion transforms into a heated argument.

“Fine, if that’s what you want. I won’t talk to you and I’m not even going to speak a word around you. You can say au revoir to my voice because I’m not gonna say anything. Night!”

“Yeah, as if I wanna hear you talk. I’m tired of it anyways. Night!”

Both of you have gone to bed without having dinner. And your mind is playing with you again. Flashbacks of not only the greatest war, but also your biggest fight with your best friend till now. You can hear her words echo in your mind.

“Yeah as if I wanna hear you talk. I’m tired of it anyways.”

“You can go do whatever the hell you want.”

“Leave my hand.”

In all these years, you have never heard her asking you to stop holding her hand. It was too heartbreaking to even imagine it.

— ✦ —

Wanda doesn’t talk to you the following day. Or the one after. Or the next. No calling you for the meal, no coming to pick you up from the park, nothing. You feel like you have had enough, so you approach her directly.

“So, do you want me to move out or something?”

“No Y/N.”

“Then speak your mind Wanda, I don’t even know what’s going on.”

“‘Speak your mind’ you say? Okay, here goes nothing.”

Without hesitation, she places her hand on the back of your neck and pulls you closer. For a moment, she stares into your eyes, and then kisses you deeply. You’re feeling both surprised, and satisfied. She closes her eyes to just feel you, and you place your hands in her hair. Her lips leave a trail as they move down to your neck, you tilt your head upwards to grant her all the access she would need. Wanda bites your skin and you let out a rough moan, driving her completely crazy.

That’s when you realise. Your best friend is marking your neck and you have no idea what’s going on. You gently motion for her to stop, which, reluctantly, she complies with.

“What?”

She clearly wants to go back to the moment, so she breathlessly asks you in return, “What?”

“Wanda.”

“Y/N.” She looks at you with a grin and pecks your lips again. “Alright, fine, let me explain.”

“Yes please, because as much as I love it, I’m still clueless.”

“I just have one question, now that you know, would you ever kiss me?”

Your cheeks redden up at her question. You avoid eye contact, gulp, and reply, “If you want then yes.”

She probably wants to growl and bang her head against the wall. “WHY DON’T YOU TELL ME HOW YOU FUCKING FEEL ABOUT ME?! CAN’T YOU SEE?!”

“See what Wanda?”

“Oh my God I cannot believe this. You are an idiot and I love you so fucking much.”

“Wa-”

“Don’t you dare say another word, I hate you! You’re just acting-” You shut her up by kissing her intensely, and again, and again, and yet again.

After pulling yourself away, you need some fresh air. So you sit on the couch, and beckon Wanda to follow. As soon as you’re sat, she decides to sit on your thigh, facing you. She slips her hands inside your t-shirt and seeks your permission, “Can I?” You smile and nod back at her, giving her consent.

She unhooks your bra, and cups your breasts in her hands each. Gently, she begins stimulating them. Your shoulders relax as she helps you feel lighter. You shut your eyes as Wanda gets you all worked up.

Suddenly, she pulls out her hands. You open your eyes and frown, uncertain about what happened. Wanda rubs herself against your thigh, making you moan by feeling her wetness. “Take off your shirt.” She directs you. You do as asked, and she’s met with the sight of your bare upper body. She immediately dives in to lick and play with your nipples, as you close your eyes again. Quite occasionally, you managed to say the same two coherent words; “Oh Wanda…”

She loves seeing you this way. It’s been years since she saw you relieve your stress. She hovers on your top, and connects her lips with your lips once again.

After a long heavy make out session, you decide to consider her wetness still lingering on your thigh. Grabbing her by the hips, you guide her for a pace. She’s in her yellow cotton shorts, and probably wouldn’t mind ruining them even more for you. Her moans get louder and louder till she finally says, “Y/N I’m gonna-”

“Yes honey, do it.” was all it needed for the knot in her stomach to release as she made a mess on your thigh. You slip two fingers within her heat to help her ride it out slowly. You mutter small praises to help her stabilise herself after her climax. Words like “You’re such a good girl” and “You did so well, princess” clearly had an effect on her. When you’re done and you pull out your hand from her dripping cunt, you let Wanda have a seat beside you.

She keeps on breathing heavily, but then looks at the sight of you licking your fingers clean. It was irrestitable for her, she had to pull you into a deep kiss. It was evident — she loved kissing you, whether it was a cute peck, a make out session, or just her catching her breath.

“Let me return the favour detka.” She requests you. You feel like it isn’t really necessary, but you don’t feel like breaking the moment so you let her do it. She pulls down your shorts, and begins teasing you over the panties with her fingers. You arch your back and groan, “Wanda please don’t-” So she bends and kisses your clothed core once before helping you strip off.

Slowly, she pushes in a finger, then adds another one. You spontaneously grasp her shoulders, which perturbs her. So she withdraws her fingers and looks at you tenderly and asks, “Y/N, are you really okay with this?”

“It’s just that… it’s been so long since I have…”

“Hey, I understand. If you want me to stop I can stop right away. You are always my first priority.”

“No, I want this Wanda. Everything feels so right, after so long.”

She slowly kisses you again, and this time not leaving out a single space she hasn’t discovered yet. Before you could do anything, she filled your intimacy with her fingers yet again. It’s an agonisingly slow pace, and it makes you shudder underneath her. “You look so gorgeous Y/N. You’re the most beautiful person I know, inside and out.” You can only breathe heavily in response because you’re (i) speechless, (ii) cuntful.

Gradually, she picks up the speed for you. Echoes of your pants and screams fill the room, and Wanda is enjoying every single bit of it. Soon enough, you were ready for your release. You try to warn her, but she understands your signal and whispers gently, “Come for your princess, Y/N.” It was all you needed to make a mess all over her fingers. She rides you through it as your elevated heartbeat goes back to normal.

She watches you with affection, and moments later you return Wanda’s gaze. She sits beside you again, and you both are in a familiar comfortable silence all over again. You decide to break it and bring up the previous conversation, “So… I guess I love you too? You’re the idiot by the way.”

“What do you mean that you guess? If you want to play the game then don’t forget you’re the naked one here and I can tease you really bad.”

“Oh really princess?” You wink at her and shift closer to her. She wraps her arm around you and says, “Let’s get a little cleaned up. I’m feeling a little hungry.”

You innocently ask her, “What do you want to eat?” but her mind is already running towards the wrong places. She swallows and replies, “A cup of green tea would do for me right now, would you like one?” You shake your head in the positive and get up.

— ✦ —

You two sit on the balcony to have the green tea. It’s late at night and the city is asleep. Your mind stares at the dark sky, still not quite visible because of the buildings. Wanda looks towards you the same time you look at her, she’s smiling. “Look at the moon Y/N!” She points towards it. Your gaze stays fixed on Wanda.

“I am looking at her. She’s breathtaking.”

— ✦ —

The following morning was enchanting as ever. You wake in Wanda’s arms, who is already lying awake next to you, waiting for you. “Good morning detka,” she whispers, “I hope you had a nice sleep.”

Morning laziness takes over you, so you hug her tightly and hum. She giggles and rubs your back with her hand, indicating for you to not doze off again. You groan, “I feel like I've slept after years, probably the first time ever.”

“It’s because you are sleeping for the first time in years. I love seeing you like this, but you need to wake up lyubov.”

“Fine, but you have to answer my question.”

“Go ahead.”

“What were you mad about, yesterday and before that?”

She hides her face behind your shoulder. “It’s stupid.” You hold her chin softly and tilt her head so she’s facing you. She sighs.

“Fine. I just didn’t realise how badly I’ve ever wanted to kiss you until you accidentally said that you’d kiss me if we were together. I’ve never been around someone who I could sit together with, listening to some white noise, and feel at home with. Hell, I’ve never been with anyone who could tell me they love me with my morning face. And then you backed off by acting all I-would-never-kiss-you so I was just a little pissed off. I’m sorry. You see, it’s stupid.”

“It isn’t, you’re just an idiot in love with another idiot. Also, don’t you dare say anything about your morning face. Your freckles, your faded accent, your natural hair - my goodness Wanda, I’d seriously kiss you if we were together.” You place little pecks all over her face, making her chuckle. “I love you Wanda.”

“And I love you Y/N.”

You hear the doorbell ring out of the blue. Against your will, you had to get up and open the door. There’s the mail for the day - a few bills, and a small box, addressed to “Y/N Maximoff” again.

You call Wanda outside the room. When she comes next to you, you ask her, “This is the second box. What do you think it is?” She arches her eyebrows suspiciously and takes the box away from you to keep it next to the bowl of keys. “We can find that out later.” she says before kissing your neck.

[peachkkuma]

𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆 ˖ ࣪ ✧ ˚ ࿔

𝑻𝑰𝑭𝑭𝑨𝑵𝒀’𝑺 SIGNING OFF : last tumblr post 07.15.24

𝑶𝑳𝑫 𝑷𝑰𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑫 𝑷𝑶𝑺𝑻 : ꒰ 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 ꒱

╰─▸ dark mode recommended

• explanation + goodbye post

⠀˒ ⊹ ݁ ִ   𝑫𝑬𝑨𝑹 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹…

hello, hope you’re doing well! i’ll get right into it, this is the end of my posts for now. i never really had any sort of big idea or expectations for this blog but i definitely never thought it’d only last four months, or that it’d have so few posts (my drafts on the other hand are a different story lmao).

i had made this blog because i was struggling with the law and needed to get out of my head. im really big into journaling, it helped me get my thoughts in order and i wished i had something like that but for the law. something that would allow me to observe and work through my troubles with the loa. that’s when this blog was created, that’s why i had made this my loa diary.

this blog had given me a space to see where i was going wrong and allowed me to have my own epiphanies. but despite the fact that i made this blog and its posts for my own sake, i hope something here has helped, encouraged, or just gave you something to relate to.

im ending this blog for now because i don’t need it anymore. my last entry was a month ago and since then i have had my fair share of struggles and confusions but lately, its all been kind of…calm ig. i dont know how to explain but it all just makes sense? like, the law is the law, its not this never ending complex theory. it’s a universal law and all the information has already been laid out for me. all that’s left for me to do is to learn and apply. idk but i think I hadn’t realized that before. i always felt like as soon as i’d make sense of the law, i’d read another loa post and all of a sudden i was wrong. it felt like learning the law would be a never ending journey. that I’d never truly grasp it on my own. but I don’t feel that way anymore. I think that mainly has to do with me just being in this community for years, so ofc sooner or later I’d get the hang of it, but I also think that it has a lot to do with me cutting down my time on tumblr tremendously and focusing on Neville’s works.

so, yeah, there’s nothing for me to “figure out” anymore. i don’t need to read anymore loa advice posts and there’s nothing else i have to discuss about the law anymore. if you’re gonna take away one thing from this post— remember that the loa is simple. there’s no need to overcomplicate or overthink it.

for a while it felt like i was almost fighting the loa. i didn’t want to accept that it was as simple as it was. but the lesson I’ve learned now is that regardless of how i feel, the law will always be what it is. there’s no need to make it harder or overcomplicate it, dont distract yourself by doing that. if i could go back and give myself advice, i’d tell myself to accept the law for what it is because there’s no way around it. if you can’t do that then you might as well stop trying to use the law because what’s the point? 🤷‍♀️

tldr: I no longer have any need to be on loa tumblr so im signing off :)

even tho im happy the law isn’t hard for me anymore, im sad to be leaving this blog 😭😭 thank you for reading and goodbye!!

kisses, peachkkuma

[bunthebreadboy]

so i’ve been on my atla bs once again, and while rewatching today i got the lovely thought that azula reminded me of a specific kpop idol and spiraled from there. so. here’s my personal list of kpop idols as atla characters!!

these are mostly based on vibes and/or visuals. by no means do i mean to make idols i think are similar to the show’s antagonists out to be bad people!!! i will give an explanation behind my thoughts as well.

also disclaimer, i know next to nothing about boy groups, so please spare me lol

anyways

seungkwan (seventeen) as aang

- once again, i know nothing about boy groups

- i did however watch the devil’s plan (amazing show by the way, it’s on netflix) and the positive but still very determined vibe seungkwan brought to the show reminded me of aang

- also, this selfie of him reminds me of the one scene with aang in the flower crown

jihyo (twice/soloist) as katara

- extremely hard workers who trained for years to get to where they are now

- have natural leadership abilities and are total mom friends

- would cuss someone out if they were very annoyed

- thanks to jeongyeon and her water bottles, jihyo is actually a pro waterbender already (jeongyeon is pakku but without the misogyny. the entire pakku/katara fight is just a compilation every single concert encore where jeong and jihyo bicker)

chan (skz) as sokka

- this honestly just felt right

- every time i see a clip of chan on a live i end up laughing

- i have also heard from stays that skz would collapse without chan and i very much think the same of sokka since he’s the ideas guy

- also aussie sokka lmao

hyunjin (loossemble) as toph

- competitive level 1000000 (please watch one episode of loossemble assemble and tell me i’m wrong)

- would do something out of spite but is also very protective of friends

- cannot be left alone without causing hazards

- theft (“stealing can be fun” -hyunjin)

- chaos reincarnate when younger, calmer (a bit) when older

- toph would also wear that shirt and pretend she didn’t know what it said even though sokka told her

heejin (artms/soloist) as suki

- i mostly thought of this because heejin and hyunjin are former loona members and good friends. which would make the scene where suki saves toph from drowning even funnier imo

- but also have you SEEN this woman’s muscles??? i have full confidence that heejin could handle her own in a fight

- every sapphic i know who’s seen atla had a crush on suki growing up and every sapphic loona stan i’ve met (which is most loona stans) has had a crush on heejin

- heejin’s lore in loonaverse is basically being a god and i personally equate that to suki

- also, they’re dorks

siyeon (dreamcatcher) as azula

- LITERALLY THE REASON I THOUGHT OF THIS POST (specifically vision era hello???) LOOK AT HER

- siyeon is at the scene of the crime like 90% of the time something chaotic happens in dreamcatcher so i can fully imagine her cosplaying azula and running around with sparklers or something

- she’s also very good at looking evil in mvs so i think she could play azula

- that scene in the deja vu music video right before the last chorus when fire shoots up from behind her? she’s literally a firebender

seonghwa (ateez) as zuko

- i know absolutely NOTHING about ateez aside from a couple of their title tracks but this man looks so much like siyeon i couldn’t resist

- idk i just feel like they’d be good at being the fire disaster siblings

- he also looks like he’d eat up the “the scar is not on the wrong side” line for some reason???

- was probably an angsty teenager at some point

miyeon (gidle) as ty lee

- nobody can out femme either of these two

- cute extroverts who could also be deadly (like imagine x-file miyeon during boiling rock)

- i feel like ty lee would LOVE doing dance challenges with anyone and everyone

bibi (soloist) as mai

- i am fully aware that bibi isn’t an idol but i couldn’t resist

- she just gives the mai vibes honestly. you know that trope where the guard asks the character to hand over all of their weapons and just stands there and stares as said character pulls out knives from everywhere? that is both bibi and mai

- bibi is also the queen of every concept so i fully believe she could probably play the entire cast of atla in a chaotic one-woman show

anyways i hope you enjoyed my chaos rambling and i kind of want to do this with other shows so if you liked this please leave me recommendations!

[ruanais]

A ANOUNCEMENT !!! EDITED : I’m not gonna deactivate it cause I just realised I’m too attached to this blog help-

hello !! I’m here to make a important announcement <3 so !! okay this might come as a shock, but I will be leaving @/ruanais ( a few days later cause I need time to clean things up ) !! T-T I’m really sorry but I simply don’t have the time or dedication to this blog anymore :( every single one I’ve ever met on this account was rlly nice esp my mutals and I’m so glad I got to meet every one of you <3

@silverbladexyz : gosh, we’ve been mutals for quite a while Huh ? I’m so grateful to you even tho we don’t rlly talk much anymore sihdjsjdjsjahhsjsj thank u for being with me after all this time !! :D

@justcallmesakira : we haven’t talked tooo much but I’m happy to have met you !! your works are amazing and I hope you’ll continue to grow <3 mwah !

@yuukimiyas : I’ve always looked up to you as one of my favourite writers so imagine my surprise when you followed me !! :0 your posts always make me rlly happy !! :D

@chuuyrr : I’ve always loved ur chuuya’s fics and they’re just so ??????? they’re my meal for three times a day Frfr !! :3

@sinmalssimp : raven, I’m really proud of you for being able to be so strong <3 you’re going amazing and I hope you’ll have a amazing life !!

@yuutx : thank u for being my mutal for so so long as well !!!!! you’re such a nice and kind person and you’re like a younger sister to me <3

@gojoath : cella !! omfg ur one of the people who managed to get me back into jujutsu kaisen T^T ur works r absolutely gorgeous and ur yuta series ?!?!???? chef’s kiss -///-

@vrachis : one of my og mutals ever since I started tumblr ! :3 also thank u for getting me into v tubers cause now im watching their streams whenever I can LMAO

@aureatchi : you and red are never ever going to beat the twin allegations tbh, even the abilities u suggested to me were the same so :3 and even ur names are similar :0 anyways ! rev, thank u for being my mutal !! you’re genuinely so so so nice and T^T ur like a younger sister to me as well <3

@cheriiyaya : red, you’re just like reverie so it’s like copy and paste except that youre more chaotic and I love your energy !!! i always laugh whenever I see ur url cause of that meme- fjdjjsjskjsj lol but you’re a younger sister too so !!! :D but yeah, I loved having convos with u !! you’re such a easy perosn to ramble to and thank you for listening to my thoughts that make no sense whatsoever !!

@rusmii : ruru !! firstly !! congratulations on 600+ honey !! you’re almost there to 1k aahhh !! we haven’t talked much but you’re such a nice person as well :(

@culturity : kady, ur such a sweetheart tbh and I always feel happy whenever I see ur posts on my dash <3 I hope that everything goes well for you in life cause you deserve it !!

@m0uchie : EMI !! you’re rlly nice and I light up whenever I see u in my inbox or notifs sjsjsbsksjjssjs I rlly wished we talked more tbh :( but we still had fun together <3

@riiwrites : riri you’re one of the people I’m closest to on tumblr and I’m so so happy I got to meet such a amazing and kind person as u !! thank u sm for everything honey !!

@beasalmeh : okay !! you’re a rlly chaotic and goofy person that I love to talk to !! seeing your messages always make my day and it’s so fun to have a conversation with you :D

@dazaisslave : ichika, you’re such a sweet friend to me and I dont and never did deserve someone like you :( thank u for everything <3

for the other mutals I didn’t add cause I’m a lazy fuck or we didn’t talk much or just became mutals so I don’t know anything abt u or we are mutals but we haven’t talked in a long time so it would be awkward + my dear followers : thank you as well ! all of you helped me in my growth as cringy as it sounds lmao sibdjshsjsjdj I could never ever have gotten to 100+ followers without u guys and I’m genuinely gonna miss u guys so fucking much :(

— ur dearest rua <3

also u guys, surprise announcement I’m not single anymore <: ur girl rua got a bf !!!!!! ahem !! but yeah !! hehe :3 I fulfilled one of my dreams !!!!!!! :D I CAN FINALLY TELL MY FRIENDS IM SOMEONE WHO GETS BITCHES 😍 /j

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[hms-no-fun]

I hope this ask doesn't come off as rude at all-- and I apologize if it does!-- but as an aspiring writer, I'm honestly really confused by some of the early choices in Godfeels, and I'm curious if I'm just not "getting it". I saw some posts about it pop up in the tag (and they WERE very shitty and rude about it :/), but I'd love to hear your explanation/take on June's big character change immediately post-realization, and especially the... "Trickster Arc", I guess it could be called? The former I get to some extent, but I'm really curious about the choice to do all THAT so early in the story with the trickster candy.

Seriously love your work, your narration is honestly a big inspiration to me in terms of how meta it gets and how close it gets to communicating directly with both the main character AND the audience!

no rudeness detected at all! this is a great question, in fact it’s one i’ve been kinda hoping someone would ask because i’ve been thinking about this stuff a lot these last few months. but i get the sense that you’re at least a little new here, so uh, yeah, hello, when people ask me interesting questions i tend to answer at great length. so strap in for that after the break lmao. also as a note, there will be some spoilers for all of godfeels here but please don’t let that scare you away, they’re all contextless and, if anything, might honestly make the rest of the story *more* enjoyable as a result.

as far as "getting it" goes, i've talked at length about the how & why of the violence in godfeels in multiple places so i'll try to avoid rehashing that too much here. but one thing i want to emphasize right off the bat is that i never intended godfeels to be an ongoing thing. you talk about the trickster arc happening “so early in the story” but when i wrote godfeels 1 i didn’t plan on writing more. i didn’t even plan on making john trans! my idea of what the sum total of godfeels 2 would be when i started writing it wound up being completely different from the finished work. i didn’t plan to make this thing so long. i didn’t plan for june to accidentally on purpose kill her friends while drunk and then retcon it. i didn’t plan on turning the whole thing into a space opera. it all just happened to me, man. i kept writing because i kept finding more interesting things to say. and it’s important to specify that when i started gf1 i hadn’t written fiction in years. i think if you jumped ahead to godfeels 3 part 1 chapter 8, no matter how you feel about the content we’d at least be able to agree that in the years since 2019 i’ve become a much much better writer. if you want more insight into how my process has evolved, i’ve written so so so much about it, too much maybe even, in the #sarahposts tag.

anyway, now i want to talk about june's "big character change." the extent to which her trickster arc makes sense or feels in character seems to vary wildly from person to person. what always bugs me about "ooc" as a criticism is that godfeels starts six years and change after the end of homestuck. let's remember that the protagonists of homestuck were sixteen when the comic ended. now i want you to ask yourself if you as you were at 16 would think that you as you are now was "in character." or vice versa! probably not, right? it doesn’t even have to have been six years. i was STILL sixteen when i started to get embarrassed of who i was at sixteen!

that should be all i need to say, but it isn’t. and it doesn't really get to the core of the issue anyway. i am not nor have i ever been interested in writing "a sequel to homestuck,” even though it has kind of just become that anyway. godfeels has always been about the meaty existential drama you can tease out through the complicated character dynamics of these fucked up traumatized gods. godfeels has always been my way of analyzing the themes and ideas of homestuck, the existential ramifications of the mechanics of SBURB and the classpects and retcon (let’s remember that i wrote godfeels around the same time that i took over hosting duties on the perfectly generic podcast). godfeels has also always been about me and my trauma. i even used to joke that june was my self-insert character, though i've seen that line repeated unironically by enough people who haven't read godfeels that i've stopped saying it. because it's not true! june is very, very different from me... i just happen to see my life reflected in her eyes.

to immediately rehash what i said i wouldn't, june eg8ert arose out of my frustration with most versions of the june egbert headcanon particularly in the summer of 2019. let's call her "hairclips june." hairclips june is always smiling, usually with smiling friends, she's wearing hairclips and has nonzero tit and is A Woman Now. as i said in my video, while i don't begrudge anyone their comfort food, this simply was not my experience with coming out as a trans woman. and of all the characters, i’d always identified most with john. also i thought, you know, these kids are SERIOUSLY messed up, every single one of them has died multiple times, they've seen things and done things no one should ever have to. and retcon! god, what a mindfuck retcon is.

those are the primal ingredients of godfeels. what if june came out and everyone wasn't chill about it? some folks say that's out of character and, idk, i guess that's arguably true. but i had friends who were very vocal trans allies who’d been in queer relationships who still stopped talking to me after i came out. let me tell you i spent a lot of time fucked up in the head over how "out of character" that was for them, to the extent that i blamed myself for their reaction because surely they couldn't be so out of character. to which one might respond, well, why do this as a homestuck fic then? why not just do my own original thing instead?

and i guess the answer is that i didn't want to and i still don't, really. it's not just about the characters for me. i like the rules of the homestuck universe. i find it interesting how it mechanically reflects being a fictional narrative. and, you know, maybe it's easier for me to process violent intrusive thoughts through a character who is capable of acting on those thoughts and then immediately undoing them consequence-free. retcon is, in fact, sort of the perfect mechanism for exploring violent intrusive thoughts because it lets us play out the fantasy without lasting diegetic harm, such that we can just focus on the existential and moral questions of the phenomenon itself. and like, yeah, that’s not everyone’s cup of tea. but isn’t it still just as valid a topic to explore in fiction as anything else?

like em or not, people have intrusive thoughts. people have violent impulses. sometimes they even act on them. the unpleasantness of a phenomenon shouldn’t dictate whether it is acceptable to depict in fiction-- if anything, we ought to take our instinctive desire to look away as an urgent invitation to look closer instead. as i’ve been wont to say for years and years now, “problematic” implies a problem to be solved. that which is human is inherently complicated. to pretend it’s all good or bad excises humanity from the equation, or at least flattens the range of acceptable humanity. all of which is my extremely soapboxy way of saying (as i’ve said a million times by now), yes, godfeels june is problematic. that is in fact what godfeels is about.

there's an extent to which i think this can be blamed on how rooted we are IN june's perspective in gf1 and 2. i don't think people really appreciate the fact that godfeels 1 is john threatening to commit suicide and almost going through with it. that's the context in which her friends react poorly to her coming out; i mean, she's literally sleeping on rose's couch because everyone's so worried about her! i think that, by being completely within june's perspective for all of these events, we don't really get a good sense of the interpersonal dynamics at play (probably because i didn't even really understand them myself until later). instead we just see people who should know better acting like dicks.

i think whether or not june’s trickster arc is canonically palatable to you depends very much on whether or not you've had a dear friend disappoint you so much that you're no longer on speaking terms.

but if we want to reel this back from the abstract philosophical, maybe it’s enough to say that we just have different interpretations of these characters? they’re not monoliths, you know. different people see different things in different characters. some folks get a lot out of hairclips june and that’s okay. maybe i was a bitch about other people’s headcanons back in 2019 when redditors were calling me and my friends abusive pedophiles for liking vriska, but i gave up that fight when the redditors got what they wanted (to harass a group of queer creators offline and out of their jobs). if someone wants to woobify gamzee, whatever man, go right ahead. that ain’t my cup of tea and i personally don’t think that’s very in character either, but that’s why i don’t read it. it ain’t for me and that’s fine. i like homestuck BECAUSE these characters can mean so many things to so many people. is this variability not precisely the thing that makes the postcanon era so interesting?

i have my idea of who these characters are based on who they were in the comic and i work very hard to keep them in character, but i also don't want them to be trapped in amber. i want them to grow and change and become different people, because homestuck itself is obsessed with inescapable absolute archetypes (ie the ultimate self, or the captchalogue system) and i enjoy troubling that. i enjoy swimming in a sea of weird problematic dilemmas. that’s what’s fun about fiction for me, you can think about and write about all the most difficult and even fucked up things you like, and it definitionally cannot cause real material nonconsensual harm to another human being. and yet we get so tied up in the question of harm anyway! maybe that makes sense when talking about marvel movies, but this is fanfiction we’re talking about. this is HOMESTUCK fanfiction. if i were to go on twitter right now and post “homestuck is good” i’d end the day with at least five comments saying “lol no it’s not.” SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE WILL HAVE HOMESTUCK AVATARS. there are few things as cringe as liking homestuck even among people who like homestuck, so who cares? i like homestuck, i like the epilogues, i like hs2, and i think a pretty gargantuan majority of this fandom are subliterate babies. that’s why i don’t engage with them or make much of an attempt to bridge the gap. i think godfeels and its cool little fandom is all the better for how much work it requires of the reader to “get it” as it were. i wish more people would give it a chance, or at the very least not immediately throw me and a lot of my friends under the bus at every possible opportunity, but what can you do? i just write. people will react how they will react. what matters to me is that it stays true to itself as a work, and that it grows with me and my audience and my collaborators. trying to backpedal or soften the edges would just ruin the whole thing, likely alienate my current readers and inevitably invite even more bad faith readings. no thanks!

some folks stop reading godfeels after june's trickster arc, and i can respect that. if you get to that part of the story and don't like it, chances are you're not gonna like the rest of it! and in that sense, i guess you could say i “chose” to have june’s trickster arc happen so “early on” as a litmus test for the reader. as annoying as it can be feeling like i’m constantly having to address this exact issue, i vastly prefer it to a bunch of people hate-reading something that wasn’t made for them. but again, i didn’t know this was “early on” when i wrote it, because i didn’t plan it to happen. i didn’t intend for june to go on a killing spree, she just did it and i as writer decided, you know what? this is way more interesting than what i had planned. and then dirk became the antagonist because, oops, june coming out fucked up all the schemes he has that play out in the homestuck epilogues. and i guess in THAT sense, the palatability of godfeels depends on whether or not you liked and/or tolerated the homestuck epilogues and homestuck^2. these, too, are not for everyone. but godfeels is not a replacement for them, as some folks like to claim (god bless them). i’m not interested in rewriting homestuck or fixing its sequels. ok well that’s not entirely true, i think the epilogues did jake REAL dirty and that’s become a big focus of mine going forward. but even then, i don’t pretend the epilogues didn’t happen. in fact if you’ve read all of 3.1, you know just how cosmically important they end up being.

but this is, i guess, kind of the crux of the issue for me. june’s trickster arc happens very early on in the story, yes, and that’s deliberately challenging on a lot of levels. june spends a great deal of time being challenged by it herself! but folks who stop there (if they even make it that far) often act like the whole story is grimdark wish-fulfillment violence or me airing out my irrational hatred of Boys (????), and that's just not true. i don’t give a shit about that. we get to june's trickster arc at around the 25,000 word mark, out of the current grand total of over 400,000 words. her violence is functionally the prologue, and she spends the entire rest of this story suffering the consequences of those actions. so if i am frustrated with this line of questioning, a lot of it comes down to the fact that if you just read the rest of the story you’d see that i have in fact had all of the same thoughts you’ve likely had. i know people who think i did dirk dirty in gf2, and i actually kind of agree! which is why dirk comes back and has a difficult, complicated relationship with his past self. people complain about certain characters being ooc, which i can certainly understand because when i started godfeels i really did not have a great grasp on them! but also, if you kept reading godfeels you’d know that the tension of whether or not someone is cosmically “in character” is a huge running theme of this story. june’s friends react poorly to her coming out in part because it seems out of character for her! hell, phenomenologically how *could* june be in character after coming out when she barely even knows who she is yet? her whole thing in gf1 is that she doesn’t know who she is anymore! just realizing that you’re trans changes you, changes how you see the world, how you relate to other people. or it did for me, anyway. risk, dare, X, angel dirk, and silverbark are all sorts of caught up in this question. and if you’ve gotten to the end of 3.1 you’ll know about the concept of denexustic radiation:

and that’s just the tip of the metaphysical iceberg. all of which is to say that this is a feature, not a bug. so it’s always very funny to me when people drop out so early on only to complain about the very same problematics that i’ve spent three years and 400,000 words exploring.

BUT. but. yeah godfeels 1 and 2 are messy. the gf3 prologue is very messy. it’s a serial narrative that has changed shape multiple times over the years, and barring a bit of polish on gf1 around when i started writing gf3 i generally refuse to go back and rewrite things. there’s a lot i would do differently today, but if i had done it differently then the story as it is today would not exist. and i love this story! i might look back on gf2 and feel like it’s rushed and messy, but i know that it was the best i could do at the time. it’s a reflection of who i was as a writer then. i live with the ramifications of that for the same reason i don’t delete the old videos on my channel from before i came out/learned what communism was: because i don’t like to pretend that the present was always present. i’m a different person now, a different writer. i made mistakes, i learned, and i changed. i will continue this process for the rest of my natural life, as will you.

ultimately i guess my answer here is that godfeels is a flawed work written by a flawed person, and the extent to which readers relate to it seems to have a lot to do with how much their flaws overlap with mine. i get lots of people telling me my characters are in character. i get people telling me they’re more in character than some canon! and it’s not that i weigh those comments as more valuable, i just see it as an indication of who my audience is. i’m not writing for people who want more hiveswap, and i’m certainly not writing for people who dismissed hs^2 out of hand. i’m just writing for myself and my friends, and it just so happens that some people seem to get a lot out of it.

i’m gonna close out here by actually finally directly addressing your question with what i think you were ultimately hoping for: some writing advice.

the rules don’t exist. there are things that can make some art better or some art worse but they are not universal. the rules are fake and if you hold every story you touch to those rules, you’re gonna have a bad time. a story is not static and it is never truly yours. you discover it. sometimes you can expand it or alter it in ways but, at least in my experience, doing so more often than not just kills the whole thing-- or at least demands a complete reconceptualization. all of which takes time, and we live in a world where taking time to get in touch with and hone your craft is considered sort of a bad economic decision. but art is what it is and it does what it does and we can either play with it or we can put it in a cage.

what i like about making art is that i am not entirely in control. i have my plans, my schemes, my ideas, but the fun of writing is just putting a bunch of characters in a room together and seeing what they do. quite often they do things i would never expect, that are far truer to their character than i anticipated. my experience has always been that the more you outline a story before you write it, the harder it is to actually write that story. when i know everything that’s gonna happen on a moment to moment level, the whole thing falls dead on the page. but obviously you need to know SOME things! and i’ll say that from the inception of gf3 back in december 2019 to now, very very few of the broad strokes of my plans have changed. if you’ve read all of 3.1 you know there’s a very specific timeline at play in the backstory of a group of characters we’ll be spending a lot of time with in 3.2. there are no questions or mysteries or whatever else i’ve introduced to this story that i did not have at least the sense of an explanation for. but these are simply bullet points that dictate the endpoint of a path and suggest something of the moral/philosophical/emotional arc that needs to occur in order to get there. the real meat of it comes out in the act of writing itself, and that’s what i’m here for. it’s a gamble that doesn’t always pay off, and it does mean that i have almost 80,000 words of material i ended up rewriting or cutting sitting in a doc somewhere, but that’s worth it for me.

if art is to be relevant, it must have the capacity to make an audience uncomfortable. if art is to be essential, it must have the capacity to demand a strong reaction (positive or negative) from everyone who sees it. if art is to be true, it must have the capacity to reflect the disquiet contradictions of simple existence that we desperately wish to ignore in our daily lives. that doesn’t mean everyone has to or should read difficult art, or like it, or make it. but it has always existed and it will always exist, and i think it is essential for writers and critics alike to learn to stop themselves from mistaking a common storytelling method for THE storytelling method. and frankly, most of the art i love most in this world is art that i didn’t particularly like the first time we crossed paths.

and lastly, never forget the inarguable truth that the audience bears quite a lot of responsibility in this equation. you are never, as a writer, inflicting anything on your reader, because your reader can always opt out at any moment they wish. if something doesn’t work, yeah, that’s a problem you can fix. art is a conversation in that way, or at least ought to be. but at the same time, art has no obligation to be perfect, or smooth, or easy to consume. the rules are fake. they exist to be broken. the pursuit of perfection is a dead end. just make shit

okay this one has gone on QUITE long enough lmao i hope there’s something useful in there for you somewhere and uhhhh i hope you enjoy the rest of godfeels if you haven’t already read it!

[chxnsdrive]

Neighbors

pairing - taehyung x (f) reader

genre - smut

summary - you finally get to..properly..introduce yourself to your new neighbor.

warnings - 18+ (minors DNI), neighbor au, dom!taehyung, oral (f) receiving, unprotected sex (be smart, wrap it up folks), slight (?) voyeurism, not much plot-just smutty, let me know if I’ve forgotten anything (it’s 4am)

word count - 2.5k words

a/n - this is my very first post on tumblr! please be nice to me, i’m a bit fragile lmao.

——————————————————————————

“Damn it!”

Your attention snapped away from the book you had been enveloped in as you sat on your front porch. You glanced over to your left to see your relatively new neighbor unloading painting after painting out of the backseat of his car.

And he had just dropped one on the ground.

You giggled to yourself quietly as you watched him shake his head- his soft, brown locks bouncing with every move. You hadn't officially met him yet and you had only seen him a few times through your window as he came and went. But he damn sure was attractive.

"Need some help?" You called out from your porch. The man jumped slightly, clearly unaware that you had been watching him.

"I'd normally say no, but if I drop one more of these paintings, I might lose it." He yelled back, offering a smile through his annoyance.

You softly closed your book, laying it on the step of your porch before making your way across your yard.

As you approached him, you could see his features much more clearly. His white v-neck t-shirt showed off his flawless, honey skin that practically glowed in the sunlight and a pair of black jeans that hugged his waist beautifully. His collarbones peeked out from the neckline of his shirt, just begging to be kissed.

"I really appreciate it. Every time I drop one, I can't help but feel guilty." He mumbled once you got a bit closer. You grabbed a few of the paintings, inspecting them closer.

"Wow, these are beautiful! Where did you get these?" You asked, eyes still fixed on the paintings.

"I won them at an auction. Art holds a pretty special place in my heart." He replied with a content sigh.

"Well, you have incredible taste." You offered him a polite smile.

He glanced over at you, giving you the sweetest boxy smile that you had ever seen. It made you blush.

"Thank you."

The two of you managed to get all of the paintings into his house without another one falling to the ground. Once inside, you glanced around his house and marveled at how beautifully decorated it was.

"Holy shit, your house is beautiful!"

He chuckled, watching you admire all of the paintings that he already had hanging up.

"You seem to also have an eye for art."

"Not really. I just think they're amazing." You replied softly, not taking your eyes off of them. "I have a lot of respect for artists. They're so talented and passionate about their work."

He tilted his head to the side, intrigued by how genuine you were. He had been wanting to talk to you for a while now, but never had the..time?..courage?

"You know, I don't think we've properly met since I moved in over here. I'm Kim Taehyung."

You turned around to face him, seeing his outstretched hand. You gladly took it, suddenly feeling flustered as his large hand gently grasped yours.

"I'm y/n. We've sort of said 'hello' in passing every now and then but it's nice to properly meet you, Kim Taehyung." 

You could feel heat rushing into your cheeks the longer he stared at you. And he wasn't being subtle about it.

"Not to be forward or anything, but do you want to stay for dinner? Let me thank you for helping me." He more so stated rather than asked, still not taking his eyes off of you. His dominant aura was almost overwhelming.

"Oh, I couldn't ask you to do that. I’d hate to impose.." you trailed off. Truth was, you didn't want to leave. And he didn't want you to either.

"Okay." He shrugged, turning to carry the paintings into the other room.

Your jaw dropped open at how quickly he had given up. You looked down at your feet, feeling defeated and absolutely stupid for ruining your chance at whatever you were hoping for.

"We'll skip dinner. I have other ways to thank you." He called out casually from another area of the house.

You looked up, eyes wide and cheeks hot.

"Wait, what? Really, Taehyung, I've got to get back home." Shuffling could be heard from the next room as he moved stuff around.

"Besides, it's not like I'm a slut or something." You mumbled under your breath, smirking as you continued to admire the paintings.

He suddenly came back around the corner, backing you against a bare wall. You gasped as you landed softly.

Taehyung's face was now merely inches from yours, his eyes now dark with lust. You felt your heartbeat racing as he leaned down to your neck, his warm breath dancing across your skin.

"I never said you were. But since you’ve mentioned it, lie to me and tell me you don't want to know, y/n. About all the different ways I could make you cum. How quickly I can have you screaming my name."

Your breath hitched at his last sentence. His low, sultry voice was enough to make your body buzz with arousal. You were, in fact, curious. But you didn't plan on admitting it so easily.

"I don't. I hate to bruise that ego of yours." You stated with a grin, lying through your teeth while trying to sound confident.

Taehyung let out a small chuckle against your neck before you felt the warmth of his tongue sliding across your skin. He slowly made his way up to the bottom of your jaw, leaving sensual kisses across your jawline.

Your confidence was fading rapidly. You eventually let out several whimpers as his soft lips caressed your skin. He pulled back slowly, a smirk lining his lips.

"Still not curious, y/n?"

Fuck it.

Without answering him, you leaned forward, attaching your lips to his. He let out a soft groan and a sensual giggle as his hands gripped and pulled at your waist, pulling your body against his.

He gave your waist a rough squeeze, making you gasp in between kisses. He took this opportunity to let his tongue explore the inside of your mouth, your tongues working over each other in an intricate dance.

Taehyung suddenly pulled his lips away from yours, spinning you around to face the wall. The side of your face rested against the cool drywall as you felt his hands exploring your body.

"I don't think you realize how much of a tease you really are." He growled from behind you. He brought his hips to yours, grinding his hard cock into you slowly as he held your arms behind your back.

"What do you mean?" You asked, letting a moan escape your lips.

"Almost every day, you change clothes in your bedroom with the curtains open. No. Fucking. Modesty." He spat, emphasizing each word. He leaned his body against yours, bringing his lips to your ear.

"And I'm forced to just fucking watch, wondering what it would feel like to stuff you full of my cock."

You could feel your panties soaking the more his deep, velvety voice spoke. If you could make love to someone's voice, it would be his.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, closing your eyes.

"Are you? Did you know I was watching?" He huffed, sliding his hands down your sides before letting them rest on your hips. You brought your hands against the wall to hold yourself up better.

"No, I didn't."

His grip on your hips tightened, making you squeak on a sharp intake of breath.

"Don't lie to me." He growled, gripping a handful of your hair and slowly tilting your head back.

You bit your lip, deciding to tell him the truth. You wanted to be fucked and filled- and you hated to be teased.

"Yes, I knew. I wanted you to see me."

You were beginning to feel desperate. You started grinding your ass into his cock, wanting him to get the idea.

Taehyung let out a groan of approval, throwing his head back at the feeling before letting go of his grip in your hair.

"What do you want from me, y/n?"

You glanced over your shoulder, making brief eye contact with him. "I want you to fuck me. Please."

Without hesitation, he pulled your leggings down right below your ass, halfway down your thighs. Your black lace was now on display-not that he probably hadn't seen it through your window before anyway.

"Fuck." He growled, gripping your ass in both of his hands. He crouched down, leaving kisses and soft love bites across your ass. "You're such a fucking masterpiece."

You spread your legs a bit, wiggling your ass at the sound of his praises. He could feel the heat and arousal radiating from your pussy.

"Fuck me." He nearly whispered before gripping the backs of both of your thighs.

You gasped as his tongue made contact with your clothed cunt, his nails surely leaving marks on the back of your thighs where he was gripping you.

"Shit." You breathed, closing your eyes and letting the cool surface of the wall ground you.

Just as you thought he was going to make you cum, he stood up, leaving you panting and unsatisfied.

"I'm ready to fucking feel you."

He wasted no time as you heard his belt clinking, getting ready for you.

Eager. Fuck, that's sexy.

"You ready for me baby?"

You felt as he slipped your panties to the side before running his hard cock between your wet folds, coating himself in you. He didn't even take the time to undress you completely. His need to bury himself inside you turned you on beyond belief.

"Please." You begged. You weren't even begging for anything specific. You were just begging for beggars sake at this point.

"Yes ma'am." He cooed softly. He placed both of his hands on the wall as he prepares to sink his cock into you.

"Fuck!" You let out a yelp as you felt him begin to slip inside. He was so much bigger than you anticipated.

"Oh, fuck." He breathed from behind you, drawing out his words. He stayed still momentarily as your pussy stretched and squeezed around him. He could have came just from feeling your warmth.

After a few seconds, he slowly started rolling his hips into you, making sure you felt every inch. Teasing you yet again.

Your moans were like music to his ears as you felt him moving in and out of you.

In one swift motion, he pulled out almost completely before slamming back into you, filling you up. You let out a scream of pleasure, hoping none of your other neighbors could hear.

Taehyung continued pounding into you roughly, curses and moans falling from his lips as he took you. Your screams and moans were only making him more and more excited. You had never felt such pleasure in your life.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum." You panted, feeling the pressure that was building in your stomach. It was only a matter of seconds before you would be a blathering mess.

"Go ahead baby, let me hear the beautiful noises you make when you cum all over my cock." He commanded between moans.

His permission was all you needed. You saw stars just as your vision went dark, focusing entirely on the high of your orgasm.

"Taehyung!"

"Fuck yes. Scream my name. You feel so fucking good baby." Taehyung praised you as you started to come down.

Pleasure began to turn into overstimulation as he continued to thrust into you. "Fuck, slow down. Please." You pleaded.

Taehyung stopped and swiftly pulled out of you, turning you around to face him. He pulled your leggings the rest of the way down your legs, allowing you to step out of them quickly.

Your shirt followed shortly after, tossed to the side and forgotten before it even touched the floor.

He grabbed the back of your thighs and lifted you against the wall, pressing his body into yours. He started placing rough kisses down your neck, leaving a trail of soon-to-be bruises as he smoothly unclasped your bra with his left hand.

"You really are perfect." He breathed. He stared intently at your breasts, playing softly with your aroused nipples as your body reacted to his touch.

His eyes pierced into yours as he lined himself at your entrance once again and pushed himself in. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you incredibly close.

"I know you can give me another one, baby. Just one more."

You leaned your head back against the wall while he fucked up into your cunt, your sex running down his cock and down to his balls.

"All the nights I had to jerk my own cock. When this sweet pussy was right next door. Fuck." Taehyung panted into your neck, breathless and fucked out.

All you could do was moan in response, trapped between the wall and your beautiful neighbor as you bounced repeatedly on his cock.

You felt your next orgasm approaching all too quickly as the softness of your walls began to swell with desire.

"Give it to me, baby. Give me all of that sweet, sticky sex." He growled, watching your tits as they bounced in rhythm with the rest of your body. His hands gripped at your waist, pulling you onto his cock with every thrust.

And you did exactly that. You came with such intensity that your body went numb for about 3 seconds. You couldn't even make any noises- just the sound of skin slapping as you held intense eye contact with Taehyung through your orgasm.

He laughed quietly before slowing his pace to a stop.

"I knew you could give me another one. Such a good girl."

He rested his forehead against yours as he resumed thrusting into you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, giving yourself more support as you started to move your hips to match his thrusts.

"You're gonna make me cum, baby. Fuck." His thrusts started to lose rhythm as his jaw went slack.

"This pussy is mine now. To fuck whenever I want it." He rambled.

"Fuck."

"Say it. Tell me."

"Whenever you want." You moaned.

He watched himself moving in and out of you so effortlessly, putting him over the edge. After 3 more thrusts he pulled out of you, cumming all over your stomach as he held you in his arms.

You reached down and pumped his throbbing cock as he rode out his high, constant moans falling from his sweet lips.

"Fuck, y/n. Stop before we go for round two." He warned. You smirked as you let him go, satisfied with how pleased he was.

He let your legs down gently, making sure you were steady enough to stand before cleaning you up.

"That was fucking amazing." He breathed, tucking himself away and buckling his pants again.

"Agreed. You sure do know what you're doing." You answered, letting out a soft giggle as you pulled your leggings back on.

"I just know a beautiful work of art when I see one." He looked over at you and winked, making you blush.

He waited for you to get all of your clothes back on before pulling you closer to him. His hand grazed over your cheek, his eyes locked with yours.

"I meant what I said. You’re mine now."

[jayflrt]

🎀 update since it’s been a while

haiiiii i haven’t been on tumblr in 5ever. i feel like im only ever on here now when u update LMAO. speaking of LIVING for jay/yn. it’s AMAZE. i’m also every excited for the next update. but anywho how have you been! we haven’t spoke in forever i really can’t remember what my last update was abt so im just gonna skim thru things!

like since the start of this year ive been SUPERERRR into f1 so i made a podcast! (podcast in question is my cf on my spam account 🥸) 😅😅 i’ve always liked it because my brother did but i’ve gotten more into it. i also took a listen to romance untold and it’s SO good my favs r defff moonstruck and royalty 🔥.

lowk this summer has been chill like any other. i went to a couple parties with my friends but then after that not much happened. there’s no guy updates bc unfortunately my life is no longer a wattpad story because that was very hard on my emotions 😅😅. i’ve lowk sworn off relationships for a while. obviously not completely but i don’t know recently a friend pointed out to me that whenever im in one its very tolling on my emotions and it’s not good so i don’t want that to happened again. i was also just not in a good place when arsal/cameron/marcus happened. REST ASSURED I AM BETTER NOW!!! #weUP

about my friends it’s going nice! we’re kinda doing our own thing since it’s the summer however one of them, m (i think i name drop too comfortably on here), recently started talking (ish) to a guy and she’s kinda obsessed with him. like it’s in a weird way in where she full blown cancelled plans that we made like 5 days prior just bc she had last minute plans with him so 😃😃😃😃 i’m so happy for her!! (NOT). i have to be honest there’s nothing wrong with him other than the fact he looks like he SNUCK ONTO EARTH WHEN THEY FIRST WALKED ON THE MOON. so 🤗🤗🤗🤗

i have been writing a LOT more recently. like not even just because it’s kpop i don’t know i get the inspiration to write and just open a google docs document. like for instance one of them the plot is mc breaks up with sunghoon and becomes closer to heeseung but plot twist! they’re in a band and there’s DRAMAA 🔥🔥🔥. and then another one is where mc and jake r ENEMIES bc her dog tried impregnating jake’s dog at a dog park 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥. one of them is a sunghoon fic that’s heavily inspired by cmbyn (MINUS THE GROOMING) the other is a jay prank call au where he calls her bc he remembers his highschool sweetheart and she doesn’t even spare him a thought 🔥🔥🔥🔥. there’s a single dad sunghoon au somewhere in there. MY GOOGLE DOCS IS COOKING.

however i don’t think i could ever post it to tumblr. maybe one day when anyone is interested ill send in a little snippet of one of them 🤗 or dm u one of them and reveal my identity 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮. but i don’t know! i’ve tried writing on tumblr before but i was in highschool when i tried soooooo. i also think that im just too busy. maybe one day when im not so busy 🔥.

but yeah that’s really it 🤗🤗. but update me if anything cool is happening in ur life. r YOU having a hot girl summer. i also think u said you went on a trip recently (?) IDK. but pleeeekkk update me - 🎀

hihi 🎀 anon !! omg please i'm honored you're sticking around to update me 🥹 they're MUCH appreciated i love reading them <3 and thank you sm for tuning into yfi786 🥰🥰

omg i have a few friends who are super into f1 too!! the races look like they must be so fun to go to :') YKWW the close friends story podcast is always sm more fun to tune into than an actual podcast 🙂‍↕️ my fav rn is brought the heat back it's just been playing in my head 24/7 and that vocal run from jay hello!!!! moonstruck and royalty are SO good though they're definitely up there for me too

i'm glad your summer's been chill !! it's always nice to just have time to unwind before getting back to the uni grind 🥲 honestly relationships/situationships can take so much out of you mentally so i'm glad you don't have to feel that way anymore!! and im glad you get to spend the summer with your friends 💗

OMG NOOOO YOUR FRIEND NEEDS TO RUN FOR THE HILLS 😭 why would she cancel your guys plans like that?? LMFAOOO PLS we're always losing an angel to an ugly man 😞💔 no that's so upsetting tho :( i hope she gets over him he's not worth cancelling plans with friends over!!!!

omg wait SLAY 😌 the rush of writing inspiration always feels so so good and i hope it lasts a long time for you!!! HELP NOT THE DOGS MATING AT THE PARK 😭 but okay i see you grinding through those plots!!! 🔥 the google drive is being FED and oml if you ever feel like sharing,, my asks are open 🤭 also yeah that makes sense!! i don't bother with aesthetics because it's just sooo time consuming,, like don't get me wrong i'd love to have a super cute theme and stuff but it's def a lot of work :')

omg yes i went on a little trip with my friends :')) we did that thing where we pulled our vacation plan out of a hat LMFAO but it was fun!! i'm very sick of flying tho! 🫤 NO hot girl summer just hot corporate slave summer 😩 i have been trying to pick up new hobbies though because i just dropped my habit of doomscrolling on tiktok 🤧

[sqtorux]

🫁 hello friend! i only have one (1) thing due tonight so i fully caught up on your works as a means of procrastinating <3 this ask is only about your two most recent posts for the sake of brevity + not spending too much time since i promised myself to get back on the grind after sending this lmao

‘fuzzy menace’ … my favourite thing is asking you to guess my fav parts even though 1) you’re never given an opportunity to guess and 2) it’s always the same characters. anyways it’s nanami and toji. 

“what’s this gentleman doing on my side of the bed i wonder?” fdkshfds ,,, great start tbh and it’s SO NANAMI. nanami tends to be (understandably!) portrayed very seriously, so seeing a more playful (albeit still stoic) side of him here was a pleasure <3 he sounds a little teasing too ?? my lord. the first line is obvi my fav but “absolutely. how outrageous.” is a close second !! short but sweet, and his voice is so strong through out it <3 look at my man watch him go!

toji is the complete opposite in energy and i fw it so much. reader and toji are always giving each other soo much shit (even if on this occasion it’s predominantly him). the switch from toji to bald toji is so … it’s so him but it was truly awful to witness. i have 1 (many) fear(s) and it’s my fav character getting hit with the jason todd special (ugly haircuts. usually a buzzcut.) toji is realising my worst nightmare rn.”fuck does he think he is smirking like that on your bed” he’s so dumb LMAO. look at that little hypocrite go.

‘look at you go’. guess my fav parts. one day i’m going to make you guess and not tell you and comment on every individual piece. it’s suguru and toji.

now is it any surprise i’m in love with suguru … “can you dance again for me princess?” i’m not even big on pet names but lordy lord hello saviour. fun fact but i LOVE dancing even though i haven’t taken lessons since i was 13 (i’ve been considering picking it back up ?? i’m not sure though, i feel like since i’m an adult it’s too late to get back into old hobbies i’ve fallen out of and take lessons, yk? plus it's so expensive ...) having that shit recorded would be mortifying i don’t blame reader in these pieces at all. “you’ll keep asking if i give in just once” to “then you can give in again and again yeah?” kill me RIGHT NOW. oh my lord. i would give in too.

sorry i would write on toji but !! ugh my brain is fried. you can probably tell since there’s a lot of personal interjections this time ,,, also suguru has been haunting my brain the past week. i want to write something for him so bad but i’ve had no ideas ?? it’s so annoying. also i’ve been too busy with schoolwork to sit down and write anything

looking back. god this ask is so long.

RAHHH ITS LUNG ANON

you're ... reading,, my shit.. during a break... THATS A HUGE HONOUR GR breaks are for only the most enjoyable stuff bc it's limited and the impeding doom of working awaits but you chose to read the stuff here omfg i will scream at your face (lovingly).

if you made me guess your faves id always go with the big three (suguru, nanami and toji) bc i know you like wdym anon we've known each other since our uterus debutation obviously.

ALSO YOU DANCE let's gooo!!! i do too and just like you, i haven't danced in a while but im broke as fuck so im self taught filming covers back in those days ah. hobbies as an adult are so hard for real, adulting is hard where is the return ticket i would like to be a tween again i know what to do this time. i think.

maybe when your workload becomes a little lighter you could type out the suguru thoughts plaguing your mind ;)

[cleanwhiteroom-archived]

Hi, mate! Thanks to this account I now know that Cwr and Elementals had new works (if I can say that about September 2022). I read DCWT and I exploded in the street a few minutes ago after reading one of ur post about new texts. Can you help me to know in what order I need to read all the new stuff and where I can read/listen them? Is only Pacific Rim related or there is some other fandom and/or new original world?

@umbra-life HI SORRY hello! Yes! Welcome! I do need to update my pinned post one of these days - today is sadly not that day because it is 1am but rest assured I will be fixing it soon!

If you kept up with CWR’s work in Pacific Rim prior to 2015 or so, then you probably read Designations Congruent With Things, Out of Many Scattered Things, and the one shots such as Like The Twist of a Plot. If you’re looking for new CWR shenanigans in the Pacific Rim Universe since 2020 or so, the big New Addition is called Aftermath and it is gorgeous 🥹 You can download/read Aftermath on CWR’s blog here! If you want to reread everything in the Designations universe, I’d probably suggest just going in release order: DCWT, OOMST, Aftermath, and then the one-shots. The first three are all on CWR’s site for download, and I have a doc of the one-shots I saved in The Before Times here. As for audio- Elementals released a recording for DCWT Ch 20 and Ch21! No official word on whether we’ll get the rest, but their website does say audio for Aftermath is coming so fingies and toes are crossed 😇

The OTHER new stuff CWR has been/is currently releasing is all in the Stargate universe - before writing in Pacific Rim, CWR originally started a triptych of Stargate fics: Force Over Distance (complete), Mathèmatique (WiP) and Ad Noctum (WiP). In the last few years, CWR has begun to rewrite FoD, and rework/add on to Maths and AdNo. 🥹 Likewise, Elementals has also been releasing new audio for these updated/new chapters, available on their website - AND the newest update this weekend is Elementals is maybe now allowing us access to in-progress audio 😱 go look at their site for details. It’s ridic.

Figuring out the order to read the Triptych is both straightforward and complicated - you should read FoD first, and then can read Maths and AdNo in any order after that… but should someone reading FoD for the first time start with the original complete FoD first and then the new WiP version of FoD for instance? Or just jump straight to the new versions? I wish I knew for certain pal - my gut though says start with the new versions on CWR’s website and if you’re fascinated and want to take the time to compare to the OGs then I have copies of them in my google drive for your perusal! That’s just me though - Anyone else out there have an opinion on whether newcomers to CWR’s Stargate triptych should read the originals first or start afresh?

Tangentially related to the DCWT side of the ask……… This ask actually sent me down a bit of a rabbit hole. And that rabbit hole is ‘what order do all the chapters of CWR’s Pacific Rim tale ACTUALLY take place in?’ And while part of me worries that reading them in chronological order would fundamentally mess with CWR’s intent (why do I get fractal vibes from stories within stories, drilling down and expanding on smaller and smaller sections? I could be reading into things…) I couldn’t help myself. And turns out untangling their order is mostly sort-of possible so I maybe put that list together below for anyone brave enough to attempt it lmao. Take the order with a grain of salt as some of these like The Twist of a Plot could maybe take place later or sooner than I’ve put them but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m running this post so what can ya do ya know?

CWR’s Pacific Rim media in Chronological Order, for funsies and for insomnia:

Epistolary Empiricism & Science Charm (OOMST) - In Medias Res (One Shots) - Aftermath 2015 Ch5 & Ch11 - Kingmaker & Lady Stardust (OOMST) - first 1/4 of The Blue Guitar (OOMST) - Aftermath 2015 Ch21, Ch26, Ch31, Aftermath 2017 Ch4, Ch10, Ch17, Ch34, Ch40, Ch46 - the rest of The Blue Guitar & The Crystal Lake (OOMST) - Aftermath 2020 Ch8, Ch12, Ch19, Ch24, Ch29 - Geneva 2020 (OOMST) - Aftermath 2020 Ch33, Ch43 - Failing the Solo Trial & Things Exactly As They Are (OOMST).

(Pacific Rim Film)

DCWT Ch1-9 - Aftermath 2025 Ch2, DCWT Ch10, Read Receipt (One shots) - Aftermath 2025 Ch15, DCWT Ch11-22, Under Pressure(One Shots), DCWT Ch23, Double De-Clutch (One shots) - DCWT Ch 24 - Ch28, Aftermath 2025 Ch25 & Ch48, Like the Twist of a Plot (One Shots), Aftermath 2027 Ch23, Ch27, Ch30, Ch35, Ch38, Ch42, Ch45, Aftermath 2028 Ch3, CH7, Ch16, Ch22, Ch37, Ch41, Ch49, Aftermath 2030 Ch1, Ch6, Ch9, Ch14, Ch2, Ch28, Ch32, Ch39, Ch44, Aftermath 2035 Ch50

Will I ever take the time to read these in order? Only time will tell, but researching all day sure made it feel like I already did 🙃

[mercury-starzz]

Hello Tumblr!

Here’s a quick introduction of who I am! I’ve been keeping up with the tumblr community for a while but I’ve never actually had one that I post on, so forgive me if I’m not great with the features yet lmao.

I want to use this platform to connect with an audience that might be interested in interacting with my series!

I’m also a minor, so be appropriate and respectful!

If anybody is interested, info on the series can be found on my YouTube Community tab! (@MercuryStar09)

But, TL:DR, it’s basically about the downfall of society after a hypothetical WW3. You see how it affects a bunch of different types of people. One is a lonely 19 year old man with ARFID, a bunker, and his cat, a group of traders trying to give the world a new sense of a trading economy, and a mentally unstable abused prison warden dealing with his murder count, and his urges to be a father. Anarchy is in place, but some forms of modern US society are still intact.

Art shown above is art for the series. Some of it is a bit old, and I’ve gotten better since then.

[weirdgirlbymommylonglegs]

hello lgbt community

i’ve been on tumblr for a million billion (8) years i think i need to make an intro post now. anyway i’m kay and i just be blogging. i talk a lot in tags (sorry) and i reblog from many a fandom, although some reoccurring ones include:

💚 sonic the hedgehog

💚 danganronpa

💚 hatsune miku

💚 basically just whatever i’m into at that moment (you can tell i’ve just seen a film based on an influx of posts about said film on this blog afterwards)

i also listen to (and talk extensively about) a lot of music!! below i’ve listed some favourites so if you see them and want to talk to someone about bands, i’m here to listen and recommend and so on <3

i’m having a bit of a gender journey atm, i think i’m agender but that’s subject to change. for the meantime i use any pronouns, however i do have like. a ranked system of what to use:

💚 they/them

💚 it/its

💚 she/her and he/him

💚 neos (use whatever neos you prefer however i’m partial to bun/bunself and fae/faeself. idk do whatever man)

i don’t have a dni per se (be nice and i won’t block you) BUT i do reblog from places that do have dni’s in action – respect them!!

another thing about this place is that i’m Horrendous at tagging posts…apologies!! i try to be extra mindful of trigger tagging (the main ones that show up here are #drugs tw/#drug mention and #knives tw) but i do have a couple that i use pretty regularly:

#katieecore – that was when i was posting pink shit. a retired tag but it has some fun bits of kay lore. it has since be replaced with…

#kaycore (which is green posts)

#misc – any post i’ve interacted with. ask bait, reply in the tags, shit like that

#choons – music!! songs!! listen to these while looking at my blog, like it’s myspace

#hooooooo. creachure – animal. creatures, even

#@b – posts making me think of my boyfriend. sorry!!

#sun, #moon, #rising and so on – posts (usually aesthetic ones) mentioning my specific astrologic placements

anyway this is the longest intro post in the world. enjoy my blog lmao

[foxgloveinspace]

hello hello!

been a minute since i popped in here (i think? maybe not that long since my tron thoughts lmao but it feels like a month cuz ✨stress✨)

how’ve you been? i’ve been… surviving 😅

sleep token presale was possibly one of the most stressful days of my life. but i secured a ticket! and it’s pit! i get to try to look at iii again and redeem myself from my first ritual lmao

i’ve also been mad stressed about school, i have a debate on tuesday and lowkey forgot how triggering public speaking is?? so that’s fun. think i’ve got it together and can get it done so that’s okay i guess lol

but! (i’m assuming it’s from the mild stress relief i got yesterday lol) i had another sleep token dream! i cannot remember much of it, and i do not know what the context was but vessel unmasked? he looked different than my fun cult dream, but still 😮‍💨 the funny thing is that dream me was still focused on his mouth even though i already knew what that looked like lmao. apparently i just like mouths😂🙈

but yeah. kinda glad to have them back in my unconscious mind, it feels dumb but it’s lowkey comforting lol

hope you have a good day!

hihi Exie! it does feel like its been awhile, haha.

I too am surviving at the moment, I had a painful day yesterday, and my anxiety has been through the roof, oof. But I get to relax today, hopefully. I need to relax today, so maybe the tension headache will go away, and I won't get a migraine again.

I'm super excited for you!! about tickets!! I'm honestly a bit ok with not even trying to get any this time. I hope there will be a next time, and I'll have the money to go, but dang. It seems like it was a bloodbath for tickets in the US. I think there might still be St. Louis tickets?? but I'm not even gonna look, oof.

I saw your post yesterday about college stress, dang that sucks, and I wish you didn't have to go through it, goodness knows I hated just the little speaking things I had to do for my high school classes. Give yourself a little, like.... reward for doing it. Not even doing it 'well' just have a little something to look forward to after haha. You deserve it.

I haven't had a sleep token dream in a while either, i told you of the last one, but honestly? I think I like the casual ones better than the ones with huge plots haha. No stress, just chill. Glad you got to have one! Also, mood, i too would probably be focused on his mouth 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣.

[crowhyun]

- Life Update -

Hello, my murder (i’ve called y’all that literally once and then never again so i’m bringing it up now lol)

I thought it would be lovely to share a bit with y’all and talk to y’all some. I feel like I don’t talk to y’all enough, as I’ve been quite busy lately, so first, I wanna ask how y’all are doing, is everyone slay? Tell me abt what’s making you happy or sad or angry, I love to hear from y’all!

Recently, things have been going pretty good for me. For people who have been here for a while, ya’ll know that i don’t live in the healthiest household, as in, I don’t get along with my family and it’s detrimental to my mental health lol. BUT, I have some really good news!

I’m now employed! I’ve been looking for a job for a while, and it’s like no one is hiring, but I finally got a job, and it’s as a flight attendant! So, I’ll have to relocate for training and wherever my airline puts me, which is SO SO SO great, because I finally get to leave!

As for school, I dropped out of my science and math class bcs i was falling behind WAY too much and decided “fuck it”, BUT it’s okay bcs I go to a community college, and my classes aren’t breaking the bank at all. Now, I only have one class to take, because I finished my two 7-week classes, and the only class I have is english composition, which is really easy for me because I like to write essays and that’s all we do lmao.

But, because of the fact that I’m going to be going to training for my airline at the end of this month, the month of April will be very busy for me, and I most likely won’t be able to get any big works done. I want to start a little mini-series of 500-1000 word fics so I won’t leave you guys hanging, but I’ll try to get one Level Infinity chapter AND one vampire!txt work out this month! I’m just playing the waiting game right now before I can move, so I’m not very busy at all! Yippee!!!!

Anyways, that’s all that’s really going on tbh, but I also wanted to post some pics of me since I haven’t in a while 💃🏾 (and this house i built on the sims it’s so cute)

[missusplum]

Since Nadia kicked Arman out of the club now, do you think he'll take Thony up on her offer to stay at the clinic? Perhaps the writers won't address the issue again but it seemed like they made a big point of her kicking him out both times (maybe just to underscore the change in the status of their relationship?) Kind of surprised that Arman seemed like he still wanted to save his marriage through most of the ep. Love his character and liked the episode but really Arman?! He still seems confused, lol. I hope the writers don't try to backpedal on the marriage again. Time to move on. I would love to see Arman and Nadia have competing clubs next season! What did you think of the ep?

hello anon! in general i quite liked the episode! aside from arman’s absence for half of it 😤

personally i don’t think he’ll stay at the clinic, though it’d be interesting if he did. i think that bit of dialogue was just to show that thony’s caught onto his marriage issues?

more to the meat: i’ve read a lot of people being frustrated with arman trying to save his marriage and while i totally understand why, i feel the need to defend him a bit lmao. incoming long post about arman/armony under the cut:

k to preface, this is all just my interpretation and me trying to make sense of the show so far, because like i’ve said before i don’t think the writing has been super clear either way. it could all change by next episode and i could change my mind and this could all be moot lmao. and it’s probably worth noting that a lot of these thoughts are mostly based on how the characters have been written this season only (because if i try to contextualize too much from last season we’ll just get into the same consistency issues we’ve already talked about lol)

ok first of all, while i totally get that it would be the most straightforward if characters made split decisions and stuck to them and moved forward and never looked back, i just don’t think humans work this way, and certainly not the characters in TCL lol. they’re all a mess in their own ways, and arman is no different. i don’t think that makes him a frustrating character, just a human one

my understanding of arman this season is that he’s more or less lost control of everything in his life that he knows. aside from the money issues, here’s a brief list of things that he’s lost this season: his place as hayak’s second, his business acumen (being forced out of the gun business and that’s all he’s known), his ability to run the club, his dignity while working for kamdar who’s intent on humiliating him, and now his home and marriage. when your seemingly stable life is unceremoniously thrown into chaos, i think it’s human nature to want to cling onto the familiar and cling onto what was your normalcy, and that’s what i see arman doing. he’s trying to salvage the clientele at the club, he’s trying to escape kamdar and buy the club, he’s trying to save his marriage so he can get back that stability again and piece back together the life that he had before

while it would make things so much easier for us shippers if arman just up and fell out of love with nadia, again i don’t think that’s generally how humans operate. melissa carter has said that she sees arman as being in love with the two women; obviously i don’t think he means to string anyone along, but i think they represent different parts of him: nadia in part represents his old life and the life that made him who he is. they had a life together that worked, they were a formidable business team, their goals were compatible. and like i said, putting back together his old life has basically been arman’s main focus this season. not being able to save his marriage (or at least save nadia from kamdar) would also be admitting that there’s a part of his old life that is lost forever. and while that may be true anyway, i think actually coming to terms with that and accepting the end of something you once loved and valued is easier said than done. he also doesn’t want to hurt her and wants to do the ‘right thing’. there was a really good meta piece written a few weeks ago that explained how blaming kamdar and thony for their failing marriage has been convenient for both arman and nadia instead of facing the core issues in their relationship. i’m not 100% convinced that the writers are leaning into this as much as the triangle/quad, but personally i think it makes a lot of sense. the relationship has its own issues, and i think a key piece is the introduction of thony in arman’s life

meeting thony has shifted his values and changed him from the man nadia married, so much so that even if arman did manage to retain everything from his old life, i’m not convinced that he would be truly happy anymore. i think thony has fundamentally changed arman (like he has changed her). it’s not necessarily that he consciously wants to be with thony yet, but i think the way that she challenges him on his decision-making and has this unfailing belief that he is a good person has awoken a subconscious need in arman to be good. being recognized as a good man is something he actually craves, and imo this is a large part of why he’s so unwilling to cut ties with thony. nadia doesn’t care if he is good or bad; thony does, and the reality is that arman does too. nadia has often mocked arman about having a complex to be thony’s hero; to me this clearly demonstrates a fundamental misalignment of their values and a core cause of the dissolution of their relationship. nadia literally cannot comprehend why it’s important to arman to do good things (helping luca, not immediately willing to sell opioids, etc), especially when they inconvenience their business goals, so she reasons it as infidelity and the silly need to be a hero. but to arman, it’s so much more than that: thanks to meeting thony, i think he’s growing more and more fed up with committing crimes just for the sake of climbing up the next rung on the ladder. the more thony challenges him, the more he craves the reassurance, the need to prove to her and to himself, that his soul isn’t completely rotten so he can live with himself at the end of the day

but i don’t think that arman is really aware or has fully recognized this, especially not this season when he’s been so solely focused on getting his old life back. and let’s not forget, thony has been actively trying to help him get his life back. it’s not like she consciously wants to be with him either. thony herself is too morally righteous and prideful to willingly be the reason why someone else’s marriage fails. in many ways thony and arman just want to help each other without anything in return. there’s a real beauty in this!

moreover i think arman and thony represent to each other some element of unknown that can be exciting but also cause for trepidation. i think they have a love for each other but at this point are they in love? i don’t think either of them would say so. like i said, in its current state, the nature of their relationship is very confusing and hard to define for them both — the physical attraction and emotional connection is clearly there, but they have such different lives and backgrounds that in many ways it doesn’t make sense for them to get on as well as they do. there are so many unknowns and enough excuses why they should be incompatible that i think it’s fair for both to question whether or not a romantic relationship would even make sense or be sustainable. even though this season has shown the boundaries of their personal lives blurring a little bit, it seems they’re both still trying to maintain some distance there. this was evident in their argument in ep5 where they talked about the motel guy threatening her family and kamdar threatening his — their families are still considered separate entities; they still see their lives as separate entities. does it really make sense for thony to invite a criminal into her home life and into luca’s life? does it really make sense for arman to give up on the club and wade into the unknown world of prescription meds? would it all just crash and burn?? maybe, maybe not. but i don’t blame either of them for shying away from it in favour of the lives that they’ve lived and known. and i think this juxtaposition of what should make sense to them vs what actually does is what makes their dynamic so intriguing

i don’t really want to get into the business of predicting what scenes or storylines will come up since every time i do i just end up expecting too much and getting disappointed lol. but if thematically the main development in armony’s relationship from s1 was that they trust each other, i think (hope?) maybe that the main development in s2 will be that they need each other. however it plays out, to whatever degree, romantic or not, i’ll leave up to the powers that be. and i’ll just keep hoping and praying that we get a season 3 so that we continue to see them develop and grow!

and thus ends another unnecessarily long word vomit about fictional tv characters