#also how fucking crazy is it that this comic took 6 years to complete and you can read it all in half a day

[seekerquest]

Decided to reread the comic recently, and I'm pleased to report that while reading it in one sitting as opposed to update-by-update over the course of years certainly feels different, it's just as good as it was the first time! Now my brain's busy obsessing over how well you wrote Seeker and Fen's friendship and how realistic and natural it feels, and I won't be able to stop thinking about them for probably a week or so.

God, it has been so long since I've read Seeker myself. I'll have to take your word for it. In which case I say thank you so much for the kind words!

Seeker and Fen interacting really was my favorite part of writing Seeker, looking back. I am a huge fan of banter and characters just bouncing off of each other, and those two were PERFECT for it. Of all the things about Seeker I think of, their bond is by far the most recurring. They are dear to my heart, man. So very dear.

[iiscpr]

more bullshit

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 6 “Fart Bet, Easy Bucks” [Episode List] When, rather immaturely, Tim’s friends are doing some random, silly bets, things soon turn stinkier and gassier as Dave joins the game…

Fart Bet, Easy Bucks

The immature, roaring laughter of me and my friends echoed in the living-room as another pal of mine, Jim, took one last bite of an onion, his cheeks turning red, teary eyes, almost puking in front us. We clapped our hands like the drunk monkeys we were, ignoring our friend’s gagging sounds, and we all took another shot of vodka in his honor.

“Well done, Jim!” Adam laughed, as tipsy as the rest of us.

That’s what we were doing in Adam’s parent-free house: really mature bets. At late night, it was almost 3:00 a.m. Our onion-eating friend just lost one of those silly bets we were challenging each other to do. Pretty stupid tasks, like standing on one foot for 3 minutes or reading stuff upside down. Quite mundane, easy, but try doing it after two bottles of vodka-lemon. Each.  The loser had to take a couple of bites of an onion, because as I said, we’re very mature. And clever.

The entire room stunk like that stinky vegetable and alcohol, didn’t help that some of us were also burping loudly and proudly, but we were too tipsy to even notice or even be bothered by that (plus, it’s not like I’m not used to… bad-smelling stuff…). When not betting each other to do shit, we were all sitting on two different couches: Adam, Jim and a couple of other guys were all sitting and burping on a longer couch, while I was on a smaller one with Dave, sitting next to me.

As more laughs roared in the room for no reason, in the chaos, Dave elbowed me and chuckled a bit, bringing to my attention the weird vibrations on the couch: he was ripping one of his big farts, the sound completely muffled by the pillows, his loose dark grey jeans probably making it sound even louder and manlier. I only smiled a bit a took another shot of vodka; my gassy friend did the same, finding my awkward reaction hilarious as usual.

“Tim, it’s your turn!”

I almost chocked on my own drink when I heard my name: Dave’s flatulence usually makes me very absent-minded. I finally realized that Adam was standing in the middle of the room, each one of us, one by one, whistling a song to him: if he guessed wrong, then it’s onion-hell for him. It was my turn to whistle a song then. I think about it for a moment, and then I start to whistle this famous hit from a couple of years earlier, but I was pretty drunk, so I didn’t really realize how weird the sounds coming out of my lips were, but my friends laughing should have been a wake-up call.

Eventually, Adam ran out of time, because he couldn’t guess the song I was “singing” to him. He was mad, almost furious, but it was the alcohol talking.

“Tim, you’re an idiot!” he was understandably angry, because it was my fault. “That wasn’t even a real song, you asshole!”

Didn’t help that we were all laughing at him, but my friend didn’t accept defeat, and he actually had all the rights to.

“I’m not going to eat those fucking onions!” Adam shouted. “Tim made me lose: he should be the one choking on that shit!”

I wasn’t offended, to be honest. I was actually laughing like the rest of the guys.

“Dude… we’re out of onions!” Jim said, noticing the empty plate.

We all laughed even more after that and I may have given to my angry friend a smug-ish look. I was just kidding, but he took it very seriously.

“Oh you’re going down, Tim. Just you wait…”

He eventually convinced our other pals that I was, indeed, deserving a “punishment”.

“Make him lick your dog’s balls!” someone suggested. “Leave my princess out of this!” Adam replied, offended.

It’s like the entire group stopped being drunk just to decide what disgusting task I should have done. I just laughed the whole time: it’s part of the game, they were not mean-spirited. Even Dave suggested some stuff, like drinking expired milk with my nostrils. Each suggestion was met with a mixture of laughter and disgust.

After a couple of minutes of discussion, I felt Dave once again elbowing me.

“Gentlemen, please!” he shouted, in a slightly sarcastic tone. “Since you’re wasting my time, I propose an entire new bet. Whether the result, Tim will still get his… punishment, trust me!”

He was trying not to laugh, but he did earn some puzzled looks from our other pals.

“If Tim survives to  this  for 5 minutes straight…” he leaned a bit, the couch shaking again under the pressure of his enormous, muffled fart, which lasted 4 seconds. Our other friends laughed immaturely and I started to sweat. “…then you guys are going to give us 20$. Each.”

Dave was insane. Was he really going to do what I think… no, that’s just crazy. It can’t be, come on! There was people watching us! Our friends were a both amused and disgusted.   But also intrigued.

“But if he gives up, then Tim owes Adam… let’s see… 200$” “What?!” I thought, the money-part being the only thing I disagreed with. The thought of Dave face-farting me was amazingly distracting as usual.

As our friends discussed Dave’s proposal, my gassy friend just patted my shoulder. “Come on Tim, that’s some easy bucks, right?” he whispered, chuckling a bit. My fetish was just a weird, fun game to him, and I couldn’t have been happier. But in front of our pals? That was too strange even for my standards.

When I turned to my gassy bro, however, he was already leaning on his back, his legs cocked up, his loose dark grey jeans forming that well-known “barrage” made of denim, a really familiar sight for me. I heard my friends laugh, Adam getting closer to me, his hands on my shoulders.

“Come on Tim… I want to see your face turn green!”

He was trying to sound threatening, but he couldn’t help but laugh; I know Adam: he’s just a friendly dork trying to act tough and I knew that he was actually finding the entire situation immaturely hilarious. But he had to look mad, it’s part of his… character.

I heard Dave sucking some air in his ass, his jeans now sagging, exposing a bit of his red underwear (interesting color, that’s for sure). The weird sounds coming from my friend’s butt were the only thing I could hear, despite my friends laughing. Every time Dave farted was like a dream coming true, but this time we were not alone. I stopped thinking about how risky the situation was for a moment, knowing that my friends would never suspect what was really going on between me and Dave, and just listened to the chorus of “Sniff it!”.

I gently buried my face in that soft, denim pillow, his legs slowly wrapping around my head, as if he was hugging me, trapping me in his gas-chamber. With my nose touching his underwear-covered anus, I could still feel the air being sucked in. A moment of silence, and then I felt his butt-muscles relax, and a first fart began.

It was so loud it’s hard to describe. Despite being on command, it was incredibly gross and wet-ish. The smell was rancid and unbearable, the mixture of alcohol and onions in Dave’s stomach probably produced something that no human would have been able to handle. The fart was so strong… loud, manly: my entire face was shaking, I swear I’ll never get used to his gassy talent. I could barely hear my friends laughing: my ears were devoted to Dave’s immense display of flatulence.

I coughed a bit, pretending to hate the smell, when the truth was obviously really different. This first fart alone lasted almost 20 seconds, one of the longest I’ve ever experienced from him. Our friends clapped their hands in approval, having yet another shot of vodka, a toast to the incredible display of fart-talent they just witnessed, and just kept laughing immaturely.

As they laughed, I saw Dave’s face just above that “barrage” of sagging jeans: as usual, he was laughing, and smiled at me, and then winked: his “plan” was working great. I felt his hand brushing through my hair and gently pushing me even deeper into the denim depths of his ass, this time with my nose almost perfectly aligned with his underwear-clad anus.

Dave’s grip, as usual, felt more like a caress, and the fart that immediately followed was just as big as the first one. And hilarious as well. “This is a natural one!” I heard him say, basically bragging about his gassy-abilities, as the fart kept going strong, our friends laughing again. “Pull him closer!” Jim shouted, then (probably him) pushed me even more “inside” of Dave’s butt (I couldn’t tell if it was Jim, as my face –and eyes- was completely buried in my friend’s fart-shooter). Dave made his butt comically wiggle a bit, forcing some toots out: my nostrils were almost burning, the stench being a mixture of rotten onions and burning vodka-lemon.

“That’s so gay!” Adam laughed. Ironically, he was right, about me at least.

“3 minutes already!” I heard somebody scream. I almost lost track of time: as I said, those farts make me absent-minded. Dave just kept ripping this series of loud rips one after one, without even sucking in. I couldn’t tell anymore whether he was farting on command or not anyway: he was just so good at it that the farts always felt natural (and, 99% of times, they were). “Aww man.” Dave chuckled, lying down slowly. He was tired, exhausted. “Can I turn around?!” he asked. They all simply laughed in response, though I also heard some gagging sounds.

My best friend turned around slowly, adjusting his position, his legs somehow keeping my face planted in his ass, as if he was “wrestling” me down, albeit very slowly and gently. He was now lying on his stomach, his loose-jeans butt looking like a beautiful pillow made of denim, his red underwear slightly popping out.

“Do your longest one, Dave!” Adam suggested. I was both mad and grateful for that.

He then came closer and made sure that my face was buried in the farter’s butt, pushing me even deeper in it. Dave just laughed, while I was trying not to get as red as tomato. I just couldn’t believe how open-minded Dave was about this, going as far as face-farting me in front of everyone else; granted, the bet was a smart excuse, but still, I was speechless. I didn’t even feel embarrassed: it was like a big prank, and friends alway prank each other, but the friendship remains intact, if not even stronger.

“Alright, I feel a good one… ready?” my gassy friend said, but it’s like he was talking to me only, as if we were alone as usual, during one of our fart sessions.

It’s like his butt “hugged” my face even more, right before the explosion that engulfed my entire, defenseless head in a cloud of stench. The fart shook my entire face and part of the couch like an earthquake. The chainsaw-like sounds were as loud as a thunder; the whole flatulence sounded fake, but it wasn’t, at all. 10 seconds, but the fart kept going strong, almost unnaturally.

I caught a glimpse of Dave’s smile as he slightly turned his head around, making sure I was enjoying it, but the rest of our friends didn’t notice that apparently, as they were too busy laughing and clapping their hands. “No way!” Adam shouted, in a mixture of anger and hilarity: as the fart was still being ripped, Dave slightly lowered his jeans a bit, fully exposing the red underwear, the sound getting even louder. I felt his hand again pushing me between his buttcheeks, as he spread his legs a bit more. I was having a close-encounter with his anus, the underwear acting as one final line of defense separating me from the real source of that gas. The smell was unbearable: onions smelt nice in comparison. And it was great.

As a “big finale”, as Dave announced it, the flatulence turned as loud as it was humanly possible, the ear-piercing sound almost destroying my own eardrums. My nostrils were burning, my nose getting wet-ish due to Dave’s sweaty buttcheeks. It was the most intense face-farting that my best friend ever made me experience… and he was straight: imagine if he was gay!

“No fucking way!” Adam roared. “5 minutes!”

Everyone else cheered and laughed, playfully throwing pillows at our angry friend. I slowly sat back, Dave doing the same, tying his jeans belt again. He patted on my shoulder, laughing, while I was doing my best to tame my huge boner, hidden by my own jeans.

“No way! You guys did this before, come on!”

Adam asked, ironically (if only he knew…), now laughing too, as he took a 20$ bill out of his wallet. The rest of the guys reluctantly did the same, throwing money at us, disgusted and amused at the same time.

The entire living-room now smelt like onions and rotten alcohol (if rotten-alcohol existed… does it exist?), everyone moaning in disgust, while me and Dave counted the money we just earned… by cheating.

“Easiest bucks we ever made!” he whispered, handing 50% of the cash to me, elbowing me like he did other times. “Great job!” he chuckled.

We all had another shot of vodka-lemon, and the night proceeded as usual, as Jim found another stash of onions hidden in the fridge. As the really clever betting continued, my gaze landed more than once on Dave… just Dave, sitting next to me, as if nothing happened. He’s like a brother, my best friend. He did that for me, he felt he was really gassy because of all the alcohol… and so farted in my face as an excuse, money or not.

Yes, I bet Dave did all of that for me, not just the money. And that’s another bet I’m sure I’ll win.

End of Episode 6

[nyxocity]

Fic Writer Questions!

Thanks to @redmyeyes for the tag!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

82, although that's not even close to my actual total. There's a bunch on LJ that have never been transferred (all shorter works)

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,780,805 (over 2mil on LJ)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Mostly three, plus a couple dips into a few other pools. X-Men Comic Book fandom, Buffy & Angel fandom (they kinda count as one since it's the same universe), and Supernatural & SPN RPF. Dips have included Dragon Age, Firefly, a tiny bit of TVD, a Sons of Anarchy crossover.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

This is tough if I go by numbering. Homework Verse has the most kudos scattered across all parts, but Stranger Than Fiction has the most as a single story. Anyway...

Homework Verse (J2 RPF, 200k+ words) - My very first RPF fic, Supernatural or otherwise. Two of my online fandom friends basically TOLD me I was going to write Teacher/Student J2, and I kept protesting that I drew the line at RPF. They didn't care. 200k later, here we are. This story was a game changer for me; it made me fandom famous. I still love those boys with my whole heart, and they still talk to me sometimes.

Stranger Than Fiction (Sam/Dean, 50644 words) - This story idea took root immediately following the episode The Monster at the End of This Book. I quit the Big Bang I'd already begun writing for that year (which was Who Watches Over Me, which I finished and posted for BB the following year) to write this story. It just took hold hold of me and took over. I wrote it in 6 weeks and it was easily the most fun I ever had writing anything--I cackled like a madwoman most of the time.

Who Watches Over Me (J2 RPF, 96591 words) - This story was, at the time, the toughest thing I'd ever written. Little did I know that would become the norm and not the exception, as I began to write more complex stories. It was by far the longest story I had ever posted all at once in its entirety (rather than chapter by chapter) and I had no idea if people would like it. Fortunately a lot of people did.

Like Staring Into the Sun (Sam/Dean, 23243 words) - Ah, my very first hardcore Wincest fic. I remember writing the first chapter of the story (meant to be a one shot honestly), and just sitting there, at 5am, being terrified to post it. It was twisted, dark and intense and SO porny I was scared people might think I was weird. There wasn't anything like it out there at the time. As it turns out, people loved it so much I ended up writing eight more parts.

Like a Fish Out of Water (Sam/Dean, 59498 words) - I have a lot of love for this story. It didn't come to me easily, but it was fun to write. I remember smiling a lot and just having a nice, warm cozy feeling the whole time. I had no idea if anyone was interested in reading this many words of what amounted to a dramedy curtain fic

Of course there are other stories that I feel deserve love, but I can't argue with these.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do. And by that, I mean I try. I don't always succeed in answering them all, but I answer as many as I have time and energy for. Life is busy and there is writing to do as well. I read every comment I get (multiple times) and I feel guilty for all the ones I don't answer, because they mean SO MUCH TO ME. Like you took time to leave this beautiful, well thought out comment, or even a keysmash, or a heart, in response to something I wrote. That means the world.

I WISH there was a reaction function for comments on Ao3, so I could heart things, or laugh in response. Replying with emojis without words feels weird. So yeah, a reaction function would be amazing. But in the meantime, I do my best.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm. Probably A Touch of Evil. Interestingly, it's also a HAPPY ending, so there you go lol. It's a serial killer love story with a happy ending that comes at an exorbitant price.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I'm not sure why the OG post skips from 6 to 8 lol . So, yes, I have written a few minors crossovers. Mostly Faith in the SPN verse with the boys, nothing too crazy, because she fits right in. But for long stories, I have written all of ONE crossover. It's Dean Winchester/Jax Teller (SPN / Sons of Anarchy). My crossovers so far have tended to make sense to crossover, so I don't think any of them are crazy.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. I got some hate on a Buffy/Xander fic back in the day. I got really excited and had fun with it. Like yeah, now I'm SOMEBODY! You're no one til someone hates you lol Most of that was people who were haters of the ship, or were like, gross, they're like brother and sister (they weren't, they were FRIENDS). I've gotten nasty comments here and there on some of my SPN fic. My favorite was the person who accused me of having a "Top Dean Agenda". I STILL laugh about that one. I don't respond to that crap.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Have you MET ME? LOL If I ever post a story without smut just put me out to pasture, because I'm done. And all kinds. Het, Gay, PWP, Plotty porn, mostly super kinky but some vanilla (but intense). I used to challenge myself regularly to see if I could up my kink game--like hmm, but could I write THIS? I haven't written really kinky sex in a long time, though. Might be time to do that.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Several times. Who Watches Over me was stolen by someone and converted to One Direction Lourry fic. Literally just did a name change. Someone else stole a bunch of my one shots and passed them off as their own. I know there were a couple other instances but I only vaguely remember. I never got too deep into it, most of the time the people who discovered the theft already told everyone else too, and the plagiarist had been hammered by them so hard that I didn't have to step in before they took it down.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. I used to get requests so often that I just posted my usual response in my profile for people to read instead of replying. Definitely into Russian and Chinese for most of the stories listed with most kudos above.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A few times on one shot fics. SO MUCH FUN. I love co-writing with people.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Sam/Dean. Easily. Hands down. I just love their unique relationship, bond and love so much.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Well I finally finished A Touch of Evil after posting 3 chapters in 2009 and never touching it again until 2017. And I never thought I'd finish that. So never say never, I say. That said, there's the third and final part of my X-Men comic book epic that remains unfinished by about five (shorter) chapters, and it HAUNTS ME. But I don't think I'll ever finish it.

16) What are your writing strengths?

NOW we get to the hard questions. I'm really good at dialogue, bouncing banter back and forth between characters, and I have a sense for how long a scene should be. I just KNOW when it's going on too long, even if there's more that needs to be said, and I try to tighten it up in that case.

A friend of mine once told me "Porn is my gift". I don't write as much of it as I used to, but yeah, I shine in that area.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

So I always reach a point after writing so many words in an unpublished fic where I'm like, I have no idea if this is even any good/makes sense/hangs together etc. Beyond that, I've been writing for so long that I've had so much practice that I've strengthened a lot of my weaknesses. I'm sure I still have some, but I don't FEEL them like I used to anymore. That said, there are things I simply will not write. Like historical pieces. Because I would research the fuck out of every detail trying to get it perfect and then I would still doubt myself completely.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I mostly try to avoid it, because there's no way I would ever get the language correct. I usually write it in English and then explain that they're saying it in another language. Like, "What are you doing?" the man asks, speaking in Chinese. Then reiterate in the continuing dialogue in various ways that they're speaking in Chinese.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

X-Men Comic Book fandom. I was reading a lot of Remy/Rogue fic back in 1996-1997, and one day I was like, you know what? This person did a pretty good job on this story. It's not great, but it's pretty good, and if they can have the guts to put it out there, then I can do it, too.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

This is a tough question. I don't love all my children equally, but I love them all a lot in different ways lol

Remembering favorite is different than which one I think is BEST... Homework Verse is probably my favorite. I was learning so much about writing then, I was really growing, and discovering, and pushing my limits. Those characters lived and breathed in me, I swear they spoke through me from some alternate universe. They feel so REAL to me. There's so much of what I've learned in life in that story, like really, big, life changing ideas and understandings that happened to me that I put into that story. There's so much of me in that story, and yet there's so much of THEM, too. It's their story, but it's also mine. It's raw and not entirely perfect and it feels like home to me.

--

So that's it, that's my piece. I feel like EVERYONE has been tagged since it took me 3 days to have time to do this, but I'm basically tagging any of you writers out there who haven't done this yet!

[mishapcorner]

so...i started the winx comics and this is a long post. be ready.

and here we have yet another winx post. guys i've only made it through ONE ISSUE of the comics and i got so much to say. I took screenshots as i read so i wouldnt forget the points i wanted to make so ive included the screenshots with my points

1. so apparently stella is the one from Domino now??

and i thought "oh maybe it's just a typo or mistake" cause i noticed a few translation errors in the issue which is fine but then:

she yells "domino" instead of "solaria" to activate her ring??? i literally have only read the first issue as of now so idk if now Bloom is gonna be the one from Solaria? but why would they change it?

2. also they just COMPLETELY skip over the whole "Bloom discovers faeries exist by seeing Stella fight Knut and discovers she has magic powers and decides she wants to go to faerie school" thin ENTIRELY. the first time we see Knut is when he is in the glasses shop but the comic still has the lines pretty much the same as if they hadn't skipped over that part? is the place im reading the comics from just missing bits of it??

(also sir your eyesight is definitely NOT good. that's why you wear GLASSES)

3. and WHO THE FUCK IS THIS??? this is SUPPOSED to be Icy on the phone with Knut but call me crazy that is NOT Icy's color palette

I love that witch so you can't slip that by me tyvm

4. speaking of witches more witch hate 0/10 do not like: will be keeping an eye on in the future

5. a thought i had for season 3 was i thought Ms Faragonda had said that Alfea was the only faerie school but then Stella's (almost) step-sister went to another faerie school, Beta. But i thought maybe I misremembered or Magix is just the city, not the magical realm, but that doesn't seem to be what she is saying? I didn't take more than one screenshot but trust me when i say that they talk about Magix like it is the whole magical dimension, not just a small part. But that's similar to what happened in the show so they probs just said that not thinking they'd get to a point where that would be debated.

6. i always wondered how many years you spend at alfea cause the girls spent 3 before becoming teachers but apparently the usual is 5:

i think 5 makes more sense than 3 given the important role a faerie is supposed to play in her home world, but i guess our girls are just that good. Ms Faragonda in the beginning of season 3 mentions the goal of the 3rd year is to get their enchantix so i wonder what the goal is for the other 2 years? Were the Winx an exception to skipping the last 2 years? Are the 2 extra years just for girls who couldnt get their enchantix in the 3rd year?

7. Damn Bloom. I know Tecna laughed but DAMN. in the show you were just sad- not about to shove your phone down her throat!

8. ALSO BLOOM GETS HER FAERIE FORM WHEN FIGHTING THE TRIX IN THE ALLEY????? NOT DURING THE CELEBRATION WITH THE RED FOUNTAIN GUYS????

___________________________________________________

Those are my thoughts for now on issue 1. Believe it or not i freaking had to cut down what i wanted to talk about or i'd just be reposting the comic. Idk i think i just expected it to be much closer to the show and while its def not too far off there's little things that i was like "I was wondering that!! But wait now that brings up more questions..."

I may only post major thoughts for the other issues, but we dont do side blogs ladies- it's all or nothing. Main or go home. But i will tag all my show stuff as #winx club rewatch and my comic stuff as #winx comic readthrough

[inkribbon796]

In their Place Ch. 2

Chapter 2: As Blue as Can Be

Summary: Damien isn’t acting normally and that concerns everyone.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3

“Marc?”

Silver was groggily coming back to consciousness.

“Marc?”

Silver woke up, head pounding, and his ears ringing as he reached that he was still on his back with a thin view to the skylight overhead.

It took him a few groggy minutes to realize who had said his name, it was Dark!

Immediately Silver shot away, floating a bit off the ground, Dark looked surprised. He also looked completely like Damien.

Silver looked to see his mask ripped to pieces right next to where he had been laying.

“How do you know my name?” Silver demanded.

“How are you doing that?” Dark asked in surprise, his voice sounding normal, as if he really was Damien.

“No, answer the question,” Silver demanded, flying a little closer.

Dark took a couple steps back, looking at the hero as if he was crazy. “Marc, we’ve been friends for years. Of course I know your name.”

“We’re not friends!” Silver shouted. “You’re an asshole. You sold us out.”

“Don’t yell at me!” Dark shouted back. “You and Celine having issues does not mean you can take it out on me.”

“The hell are you even talking about?” Mark spat. “Who do you think I am?”

Dark looked at him, “Marcus Iplier, you’re my brother-in-law.”

Mark felt a little bit of relief, he didn’t actually know his name, he’d just gotten lucky. “Okay, okay,” he interrupted. “I think you’re confused. I’m not who you think I am. I’m tapped out for today. I’ll go home, you go home; and we forget this ever happened.”

For a brief moment Dark looked worried before he gave such an amused smile before he gave such a startlingly honest chuckle that it actually made Mark think he was dreaming. A chuckle that turned into a full on laugh.

Never, not even once while Dark was pretending to be mayor, did Dark laugh. Damien, even before he’d been revealed as Dark’s primary host, tended to act like a tightly coiled spring. So he gave half-smiles, and wry chuckles.

But that laugh was something else. It was almost a light cackle. But there was just something so genuine about it that Mark became aware that he wasn’t looking at Dark.

This was Damien.

He wasn’t looking at Dark.

“Okay, okay,” Damien seemed to calm down, a smile still on his face. “You got me, you got me. For a second there you had me worried. I’ll bite, I’ll play along. Why are you floating?”

“I’m, uh, a superhero,” Mark told him, trying to figure out what to do with Damien when he wasn’t Dark.

“A what?” Damien reflexively smiled. Mark was shocked by how genuine that smile was.

“A superhero, you know?” Mark answered. “Like from the comics? I’m kinda like Superman, I can fly and lift stuff.”

Damien waved his hand dismissively, rolling his eyes. His smile became a little sadder. “If it’s just Legionnaire business you can tell me that and just move on. I’m not bitter anymore.”

“I don’t work for them,” Mark tried to insist.

The mayor sighed, looking away from him and up to the ceiling. “How’s Celine? I haven’t seen her since she . . .” Damien looked at Marc uneasily. “Since the baby, you know.”

Mark wanted to shake Damien and demand that he make at least some kind of sense. But after a long pause he decided, “Look, I’m not who you think I am. I’m not whichever Mark you’re thinking of. I don’t know Celine personally, she’s tried to put her axe through my chest a couple times but I don’t really know her.”

“Don’t know her?” Damien repeated in confusion. “You’ve been married for five years, you should know her by now. I get that grief can change a person but I’d be there to help if I could.”

“Grief?” Mark asked.

“The baby,” Damien tried to remind. “Last I heard she was excited about the baby.”

“I’m not the one with kids,” Mark continued. “You are.”

Suddenly Damien was furious, “That isn’t funny Marc. You’re an asshole but you’ve never been cruel. Stop it.”

“It’s true, I don’t have kids, I’m not married, we’re not friends,” Mark told him. “Did you shoot up before you let Dark take you for a fucking spin today?”

“This joke isn’t funny anymore,” Damien warned, and that anger was starting to look a touch familiar.

“I’m not your brother-in-law,” Mark repeated.

“That’s it, I’m getting a light,” Damien started patting himself down. “Where are they?”

Then he reached into his coat and took out his carton of cigarettes and quickly pulled one out and started looking for a lighter, getting increasingly frustrated the longer he couldn’t find it. “Where is it?

Finally Damien groaned loudly and looked back at Mark. “Marc, can I borrow a light?”

“I’m not the Mark you think I am, and I don’t smoke so I don’t have anything to help you with that,” Mark told him.

Damien let out an angry groan and walked over to the other side of the space and sat down on the ground. He started massaging his temples and Mark heard his communicator crackle to life.

“Hey Silv,” Jackie’s voice crackled out. “Everythin’[1] alright?”

“No,” Mark commented. “I’m here with Mr. Mayor, I think we beat Dark out of him. I can’t see Dark or Celine anywhere.”

“What do yah mean yeh beat Dark off ‘a him?”[2] Jackie demanded.

“Don’t move, I’ll be right there,” Marvin said.

Damien was staring at him, “You’ve gotten better at magic.”

“I’m shit at magic,” Silver reminded pointedly.

The mayor let out an amused scoff, “You live with Celine, compared to her, everyone’s shit at magic.”

He’d just tried to tell a joke. But by his face he clearly expected Mark to find it at least a bit funny. Which absolutely floored Mark.

Mark would have commented, but when Damien moved his hands from his temples and just earlier his neck had been pristine. But now there were black bruises on Damien’s neck, the mayor was absentmindedly rubbing at them which is when Mark realized, grimly, that they were in the shape of handprints.

“What happened to your neck?” Mark asked.

“Is there something on it?” Damien stood up, massaging it. “It feels kinda[3] sore.”

“Kinda,” Mark took a couple steps forward and watched the bruises fade. “Does it hurt?”

Damien cleared his throat and tugged at his collar. “No, but it feels strange. Mayhaps I’m just coming down with something.”

“Yeah, may—” Mark agreed.

He was cut off when a blast of magic slammed into Damien and knocked him to the ground, Marvin flying in, “Don’t move, fooker[4]!”

“I finally had him calm!” Mark shouted, watching Jackie and Patton run over as well.

“Yeh[5] don’t trust demons,” Marvin reminded, charging up another blast as Damien braced his arms over his face.

Patton stood in front of Damien, staring at Marvin.

“Get outta[6] the way, Cap!” Marvin shouted.

“No!” Patton seemed to widen his stance a bit to stabilize himself for a fight. “Stop it.”

“Give me one good reason,” Marvin ordered.

“He’s afraid,” Patton said, his tone even and calm. Then he looked back at Damien who was bleeding from the nose and was trying to stop it. “You scared him.”

“He’s Dark, he deserves ta be scared ‘a me,”[7] Marvin commented.

Patton was already kneeling down next to Damien who flinched when Patton got closer. The emotional Side pulled a handkerchief out and knelt down a little to hand it out to Damien. “Here you go, kiddo.”

Damien watched him for a bit before taking a bit. “Thank you, I seem to have misplaced mine.”

When he tilted his head up to stem the bleeding Patton began coaxing him to point his head back down. An action that got the empathetic Side funny looks from the mayor but the man did so.

“See?” Patton gestured to Damien. “He’s not hurting anyone.”

“It’s a trap, an’ yeh know it,”[8] Marvin insisted. “We can’t trust that lyin’ demonic fooker as far as Anxiety can throw him.”[9]

“I am not a demon!” Damien shouted, clearly insulted.

“We’re not supposed to hurt people,” Patton reminded. “The hunters do that. The demons do that, but not us.”

“No hold up,” Damien continued as he glared at Marvin. “I might not be the most perfect person in the world, but I am not a demon.”

“Yeh’ve been lettin’ one walk around in yer skin,”[10] Marvin accused.

“Even if that was true the Legionnaires would kill me before I even got out the front door,” Damien fired back.

“You have been, and you’ve been the worst,” Mark chimed in.

“Don’t make this worse, Marc,” Damien ordered.

“It’s true,” Mark told him.

“Prove it!” Damien dared.

“Okay, fine,” Mark pulled out his phone and unlocked it, starting to scroll through his camera roll.

Damien was just staring at the phone, a look that got even more confused when Mark showed him a video of Damien, Mark’s voice from somewhere in the device.

“Have anything to say, asshat?” Mark asked.

“Get that thing out of my face, you want a news story, get a press badge,” Damien heard himself demand, a shrill ringing in the background.

“Nah, this is for me, just a friendly conversation between friends,” Mark reassured.

“What is this?” Damien asked in awe, tapping the screen. “Is it making that noise itself? Did you get it from the Legionnaires?”

“It’s my phone?” Mark reminded. “I know you’ve got a couple bricks but you have to have seen one before. Illinois has one.”

“A phone?” Damien asked, absolutely confused. “That’s not a phone, it’s too small. I didn’t know magic could alter technology like that.”

Mark just stared at him, pieces clicking together. “Damien what year do you think it is?”

“Uhh,” Damien paused. “1928?”

“What?” Marvin stared at Damien in surprised. “Stop fookin’[11] with us.”

“Have you even been conscious while Dark was controlling you?” Mark wondered out loud.

“Who’s Dark?” Damien asked.

The heroes all stared at Damien in horror.

“Oh fook,[12] he’s serious,” Jackie realized.

“You’ve been under the control of a demon that has been ruling this town for years,” Mark approached slowly, scared of startling the mayor. “We’ve been fighting him and we only just learned about you a couple years ago. We had no idea you weren’t willingly working with him.”

“I would never work with a demon,” Damien argued desperately.

“He must have done something to you,” Mark explained.

“Is he still here?” Damien asked. “Get him out.”

“Is that permission?” Marvin asked, excited.

“Yes, hell yes,” Damien told him.

Marvin summoned up a chair and pulled a piece of chalk out of his sleeve. “Great, then we can find Celine an’ Dark will be magically cut off at the ankles.”[13]

“Where’s Celine?” Damien asked, the worry thick in his voice as he stepped into the circle Marvin was drawing, runes and magical symbols leading to the chair.

“We were kinda hoping you’d tell us,” Silver admitted. “She tends to disappear and we can never find her.”

“I’ll do whatever I can to help find her,” Damien promised.

When Marvin was done with the circle he placed his hands on the circle and started chanting.

Almost immediately Damien felt like his body was trying to explode from the pain, his whole body locked up and he started screaming in agony. Something in him felt like it was slamming against a brick wall and unable to escape. It only got more painful. He could taste blood in his mouth and he reflexively coughed it up.

Before he could black out from the pain, Patton rushed forward.

“Stop! Stop!” Patton called out, disrupting the spell as he broke the circle.

“Patton, I almost had him,” Marvin spat.

“He was bleeding,” Patton reminded. “You were hurting him.”

Marvin turned and kicked a piece of rubble. “Why didn’t it work? He’s not fightin’ us.”[14]

“Something that painful should have worked because I don’t want to do it again,” Damien groaned weakly, clutching his chest as Patton knelt beside him.

The heroes just standing or sitting where they were to think of what to do with Damien next.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Accessibility Translations

1. Everything

2. What do you mean you beat Dark off ofhim?

3. kind of

4. fucker

5. you

6. out of

7. He’s Dark, he deserves to be scared of me

8. It’s a trap, and you know it

9. We can’t trust that lying demonic fucker as far as Anxiety can throw him.

10. You’ve been letting one walk around in your skin

11. fucking

12. fuck

13. Great, then we can find Celine and Dark will be magically cut off at the ankles.

14. Why didn’t it work? He’s not fighting us.

[vynnyal]

Throwing random thoughts, headcanons, and a variety of pasta at the wall (but only those having to do with vessels and/or their biology this time): The Thrilling Third Installment™

...aka pretending i can be dark and dramatic jskhdfd

Thk's larger form is not the standard, but the exception. Thk was cited as being "raised and trained to prime form", which people take to mean pk assisted in the vessel's natural growth. However, that conclusion leaves a lot of unanswered questions, most important of which being “then what about Ghost?” In short, I think that train of thought is backwards. Vessels can't grow- they are ageless, and immortal. We know this due to Ghost, despite living as long if not longer than thk, being completely unchanged over the years. The only thing pk trained into "prime form" was thk’s mind and fighting prowess. Their body... well, I think it was mutated. Most likely either directly by pk, or ordered by him- and with the shenanigans happening over in the sanctum, I wouldn't be surprised if Soul was involved, too. In any case, it was in no means natural. Vessels are corpses reanimated by void; neither corpses nor void tend to make drastic changes on their own all that often. Whether pk predicted the vessel’s “issues” and intended to manually “upgrade” them from the beginning, it's hard to say. But... yeah. Unless Ghost goes out of their way to make themselves grow- if its even possible, now that pk is gone- its fairly safe to say, they never will.

...with that in mind, we are promptly gonna ignore that for the rest of this post lmaooo

Grown-up vessels wouldn't look like thk; while they are described as being raised into "prime form"... prime form, to whom? Rather than looking like an idealized pk soldier, it sounds much more fitting that they’d have an entirely different, natural adult form. Consider: their cloaks being longer and fuller, perhaps filling out into something with a more practical use to their “species”. Better yet, they could even grow up to be more beast-like. Feral vessels, YEhaW

The black egg temple is cited as being "built to sustain [vessels]", yet it can't be their lifespan that is sustained. Rather, it seems the egg is specifically designed to keep the radiance from tearing thk apart, physically and/or mentally. Ngl its p obvious, but worth noting.

Sorta-au where Ghost’s shade has 8 eyes, and/or is generally all-around more cryptid-looking.

@ the sharpshadow charm and the strange, 6-eyed creature their shade turns into: kudos to this post, they bring up something super interesting- the creature not only resembles the Shade Lord, but the lord outright becomes it during the Embrace the Void cutscene.

makes me respect the ol’ civilization a whole lot more if a single charm can turn a baby shade into a baby lord.

The concept of finding ghosts unconscious body, laying next to a corpse, while they battle in their dreams. Alt: when ghost enters the dream realm, their shade leaves their shell... And protects their body from harm.

If steel soul mode is taken as canon, just how did ghost and the shade meet? Alt: Ghost may never have “met” it at all, as it technically doesn’t exist in that mode- instead, its more of a metaphor than an actual entity.

What the vessels looked like- or were supposed to look like- before the void. Alt: a story following a child, alive and untouched, that somehow managed to be spared. They could even have a gender. Alt alt: the void intentionally spared them for some purpose, or even out of simple kindness- or at least, something that resembles kindness.

Re: the shade inexplicably having a nail: all the vessel's swords are crafted from “will-bearing rock”- of which i’ve come to lovingly call living stone- and as such, are of void themselves. That's how the shade seems to conjure up its own copy; it merely shapes it, from the ground, using void. And, while more of a stretch, Ghost’s nail being some sort of living stone/pale ore alloy could explain just how Ghost can do seemingly pretty crazy things with an otherwise ordinary nail. Better, while 100% a baseless hc, its material might actually enable Ghost to build it up and modify it to suite their size as they grow older. finally, a logical reason adult Ghost has an adult-sized nail-claymore. hdsfghjfghdsjf

On that same thought: Ghost outright invented the "art" of manipulating- or creating- living stone to make their nail. ...gimme a sec. The other escaped vessels have nails, too, right? Either meaning they also discovered this ability... or that theres some legitimate ground for the “vessel gang” hc. Or, yanno, i’m reading too much into Ari’s sprites but sHHhh

How did all the vessels know to race to the top? They seemed to be falling merely because they had just been born and had literal, actual baby strength; yet not only did they inexplicably risk everything competing to the top, they somehow knew death was waiting if they lost. Alt: pk just, bringing a fucking megaphone and telling them like a sports announcer.

What if Ghost made it, and instead of falling, they managed to joined thk at the lip? What would pk do? Push them off the edge??? Or just adopt them both?? Oh fuck au where they're raised as twin sacrifices. Or worse yet, they’re raised unequally, and one is trained only as an afterthought. As a backup.

Alternatively, pk keeps all the vessels au, only a few years later when they're grown. Pk now has a literal army of pure knights. Radiance is fucked.

Hm. If vessels were fully coherent entities from the moment of birth, why was there a crib in the white palace? Did... did they use it? I have a feeling team cherry made that asset before the abyss scene lmaooo alt: they did, uh, use the crib. Cue a very awkward scene of thk, clearly not a normal baby, staring at wl with like... idk, the poofy baby hat and pacifier. I can’t tell if the image is more funny or more sad rn shdfgfjsdgg

The og notes that inspired this post, in case my rambling makes more sense (and w/o the awful comic hjsfgjsdfhj): Oh oh OH i GET it now. The void is all about "will" and whatnot, right? And shades are "fragments of a lingering will"- will, like the one you leave after your death, but instead of inheritance its the vessels' desires...last regrets.... DAMN team cherry, that symbolism is clever as heck. That took me a while. Kinda funny how a will is, technically, a person's last regrets Like I knew they were last regrets but I didn't understand WHY. Duh, it's because they're literally Made Of Will. They are the vessel's "wills". I'm so stupid.

Ghost, walking thru the abyss, getting increasingly fed up / freaked out, ducking into a crack in the wall. They follow the crack into the Scream Chamber, pause, then exhale in relief that this was EXACTLY what they needed.

Ghost's shade rolling up its void-sleeves like “fuck it, ima defeat thk myself”

Why was thk's sword there? Was its pedestal decayed? Did it fall from their body? Was it place there as an afterthought, or hurriedly? alt: taking thk's sword before freeing them, but doing the mom thing like you're grounding them hdhfjchjch

I can’t believe it just occured to me now, but... as objectivley stupid as the vessel’s test was, Ghost... technically came in second place. What if that whole scene was a metaphor? Because really, it’s just too silly to take seriously. To do so isn’t too far fetched, either; many other elements in the game’s story are better taken as symbolic or metaphorical, anyways. Take the PoP cutscene- while it could’ve been a literal moment, where they just happened to find themselves standing around and took the moment to appreciate each other... imo it makes much more sense to read it as the concept of their faint ~forbidden love~ and parental pride itself. Or, better yet, the scene at the end of the 4th pantheon. Sorry, but I severely doubt that was an actual event. What I’m trying to get at is the significance of “second place” in the cutscene. My brain is too fried to chase down any other possible connections to this theme rn (if thats even what the theme is), but even without proof, the theory smooths out a few interesting tidbits related to just how Ghost could tough it out when all others failed. All except for #1, anyway. Either way I’m just happy to take this as an excuse to pretend that cutscene didn’t literally happen because like, l m a o

The story of a small group of vessels as they work together to escape hallownest. (aka the aforementioned vessel gang hc... im sure theres a more formal name but you get the idea). Its impossible to tell how long it took them to discover that near-invisible hole, the last exit remaining after the king ordered the abyss to be sealed up. Once they did, however, the remaining vessels were quick to make a desperate scramble to escape- only for the entrance to suddenly crumble shut, far, far too soon. The remaining 8 slowly made their way through deepnest, their numbers quickly dwindling as the jouney started to take its toll. The group was nearly wiped out by those terrible, spiney-legged creatures that used their own kinship against them. Only three finally escaped the deep, yet only two made it through the basin- the third, largest sibling, left to fight alone againt a hopeless battle, just to buy the others time. It was in greenpath, so close yet so far to their goal, that the second succumbed to the infection. It was a mercy killing, that nail through the heart. The last, after all of that, finally made their way to the very precipice of howling cliffs, hesitating for just a moment to gaze out upon the still-fresh ruins of hallownest. But only for a moment, before Ghost jumps down to begin their journey beyond this wretched place.

A vessel running from its shade as it tirelessly pursues them, the vessel refusing to put it to rest.

tw: suicide, + personal on main

Ugh ugh ugh ugh Either thk was fully conscious and in terrible pain for all those years... or they couldn’t feel anything at all. The former is horrible, but imagining thk waking up, chained, unable to do anything but wait for Ghost to heed their call? Did they turn their nail on themselves to help Ghost, end the pain, or some awful mix of both? For someone who has personally dealt with close friends and family that struggled with suicide themselves, hollowknight is one of the worst horror stories I've ever seen. And the fact that the story is so personal, so open to interpretation? The fact that each character is so genuine yet vague enough to be read completely differently to someone else’s biases? Its why hollow knight- the game, and the character- will forever be one of the most powerful stories to me.

in short, good LORD THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING SAD

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

Complexities Unknowable- Chapter Five

Ao3, Chapters   1     2     3     4     6,    MasterPost

Relationships: Deintruality, background Analogince

Yeah he’s still called Deceit. I think it’s weird too, but I will die before I become inconsistent. Also I rewatched DWIT today and I think maybe I don’t know how to write Remus?? w/e. I really like writing dialogue so this one was fun.

Warnings: Cursing, brief caps, eating things that are inedible, all sympathetic sides, light arguing, brief mentions of vomit.

Word Count: 1,357

They were having a Conversation™. Remus hated Conversations™- he always tuned out at the wrong times- but what he hated even more was a dangerous lack of communication. 

“This is all according to my plan- Patton is exactly as shallow and incompetent as I thought he was,” Deceit spat dishonestly, throwing himself onto the bed. Remus continued spinning around wildly in his rolling chair. He considered vomiting from the dizziness, just for fun, but figured that it wouldn’t aid the Conversation™ much. Instead, he settled on expelling words and not his lunch.

“Isn't it a good thing that he’s not a bitch? If he likes us, and we’re all sweet wittle friends who sing songs and hold hands or whatever is up with his whole cottagecore aesthetic, then we don’t need any plan!” Remus stopped spinning for a moment to nod to himself, “I’m fuckable AND a genius. I really am the whole package, aren’t I?” 

Deceit tossed a pillow at him. 

“That’s very realistic of you, Remus. Patton is going to completely forget years of animosity, and so will we, and so will all of the other ‘Light Sides’!”

Remus retrieved his pillow from the ground and took a large bite out of it without breaking eye contact. 

“I think,” he said around a mouthful of memory foam, “that you’re just really good at holding grudges.” 

The Duke was subjected to a withering glare from Deceit, the effect of which somewhat diminished due to the reptilian being completely sprawled out on the bed in a tee shirt and shorts. 

“Ssso you forgive them?”

Remus shifted uncomfortably, resuming his spinning.

“It’s not like that, Dee. It’s like- excuse me for the vomit-worthy sentiment- we all move past it together. I’m not one for the boring non-violent option, but we’ve already tried doing everything else, and being an outcast is also starting to get boring.”

Deceit, a man who would die before admitting he was wrong about anything at any time, was not through arguing. However, rather than his usual drawl with heated undertones, his voice was hushed.

“We can move on, and so can Pa- Morality, apparently- hell, I’d bet that Logan would be all for it! But we need to consider… Them.” 

The only noise after that was the squeaking of Remus’ spinny chair. Occasionally, one would open and then close his mouth, uncomfortably eyeing the other, but never speaking. 

Eventually, mercifully, there was a knock at the door. 

Remus hopped to his feet with a relieved grin. Deceit sat up quickly and snapped himself into his usual attire.

“Wait, who-” 

But before the snake could finish, his boyfriend had already flung open the door to reveal Patton on the other side. He wore a hesitant smile, holding something rectangular. 

“Hey, Kiddo. I don’t wanna intrude, but I think you left this in the kitchen this morning?” He held out the rectangle- a sketchbook! Remus’ sketchbook! Creativity snatched it back from him excitedly.

“Aw, thanks Patty! I’ve been looking for this!” He bumps Patton’s shoulder as he talks, half on accident and half a sign of appreciation. The emotional trait laughed, bumping back.

It’s crazy just how out of place Morality looked standing in his doorway, all pastel and neat and soft. The smile he returned was awkward, but happy and genuine, and it was kinda the best thing to look at. 

Remus zoned back in to see Deceit hovering by his shoulder, waving lazily at their visitor. Patton waved back, and the interaction grew prolonged. 

“Um- well- I’ll just be going, then,” he made to leave, which just wouldn’t do at all! The Duke grabbed his wrist. 

“Stay a while! if you’re scared, I promise I only bite a little!” 

Patton giggled at the joke (it was only partly a joke).

“I wouldn’t want to be a third wheel-”

“You’d rather go be a fourth wheel?” Deceit spoke up unexpectedly, earning a proud look from Remus. Looked like he could interact with people after all!

Morality laughed again, tugging at the sleeves of his hoodie.

“Okay, point taken. I really do need to go make lunch for the others- they’d probably starve without me- but I could come back later?”

Before Deceit could say whatever snippy and non-committal thing he was going to say, Remus accepted the offer and told Patton to come by whenever (‘but you might walk in on a sultry scene, Snakeskin can’t keep his hands off me’) and swung the door closed. He spun around and grinned at his partner. 

“See?”

“What am I seeing.”

“It is that easy to make friends! Aren’t you gonna thank me for saving you from yourself?”

Deceit scoffed.

“You’d know if he didn’t wanna hang out with us! You have a literal super power that tells you when people are faking!”

Deceit rolled his eyes.

“Do you want to be a hermit forever?”

Deceit shrugged.

That was the last straw. Remus solemnly took a few steps until he and Deceit were nose to nose. He then threw an arm around Dee’s shoulders and sent them both careening onto the bed, at which point the snake finally made a sound.

“Urgh! Get off!”

“Not until you talk to me!” 

“You’re crushing me!”

“Tough Snitties!”

Deceit groaned loudly and went limp. Despite having six arms, he was all lank and not much strength. 

“Fine, you win, I’ll talk!”

Remus rolled off of him and sat up. Deceit stayed on his back and glared threateningly at the chandelier. 

“I- I’m not- no, I am- Jesus- I’m worried. This isn’t exactly familiar territory, people liking us. He’s probably still trying to prove a point to himself about how ‘nice’ he is.”

“Is he? You would know.”

“I can’t tell! I don’t think so, but it really isn’t that simple!”

That wasn’t good. DeeDee couldn’t just not know, he knew everything! About everyone! He was mysterious and hot and clever and if he didn’t know what was happening, then that meant that Remus would have to be the competent one. Fuck. 

“Well- You’re the one who told him about our plan! And you were the one that told him we weren’t doing it anymore!”

“I know! It seemed like a good idea at the time!”

“I think that a good idea would be telling him ‘we kinda fucked up, but so did you, let’s be friends,’ and moving on with our lives, Dee.”

“Horrible idea. And besides, what’s there to gain anymore, now that we’ve reached a stalemate? I won’t go on hurting the little guy, but I never said I’d do anything for him. The plan’s through, he knows that and so do we. Let’s just quit visiting him and leave it at that, seeing as there’s no point anymore-”

Remus screamed. He took all of his frustration with the conversation and just howled. That shut Deceit right up.

“What the hell?!”

“You’re being stupid! You always do this, when there’s a problem that needs effort to solve you’re like ‘oh, let’s bail, we’ve got each other and it’s fine’! Face it, you’ve gone soft and you don’t wanna stop hanging out with Patton, but you’re scared! Ooh, Ooh, also! We did bad stuff on purpose- and they totally deserved it-  but I know for a fact that Patty’s fuck-ups were on accident.”

“...We do have each other.”

Of course that was what Deceit chose to focus on. Remus pulled his partner up to face him.

“Duh! But that doesn’t mean we give up on everything else, dipshit! Maybe now we can actually talk to Roman and Virgil!” 

They never said those names. It was an unspoken household rule. Remus never was any good at following rules.

Deceit’s eyes widened almost comically as he stared at The Duke, mouth slightly ajar. His shoulders were tensed up to his ears, but he didn’t argue. He didn’t snap. He was listening, finally. 

“Can we at least try letting things get better, Snakey?” Remus let his voice drop, running his hand up and down Deceit’s arm.

The trait let out a sigh, averting his eyes before answering.

“No, I guess we can’t.”

Tags:

@deceits-left-glove​ 

@princemesscharming

@shrimp-crockpot

[fleckcmscott]

Watch What Happens - Chapter 7

Chapter links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Summary: Arthur, an aspiring comedian, has struggled to find normalcy and compassion his entire life. Y/N, a hard-working paralegal and transplant to Gotham, has just been put on a case for the Wayne Foundation. When they meet, unexpected sparks fly.

Chapter warning: Adult Situation, Swearing

Words: 1,927

When Arthur arrived back home, it was nearly seven. He’d gone to Pogo’s, again, to try to get a spot to perform. No money was coming in and he was desperate for a chance. With a sigh, the manager had told him about an upcoming open-mic night for new comics next Tuesday. That gave him almost a week to perfect his set. He hadn’t hesitated when he signed up. Until then, he’d continue to practice his facial expressions and punchline timing in his bathroom mirror.

Penny still didn’t know about his firing from HaHa’s - he didn’t want her worrying. In the morning he’d leave the apartment and search for work a couple of hours, going from business to shop to anywhere. He hadn’t had any success. There weren’t a lot of opportunities for an uneducated clown with an unstable employment history, even if he had a work ethic.

Luckily, he never had to be out too long to hide his unemployment from her. Penny didn’t pay much attention to the exact times he was around and rarely asked questions. As long as he was there to check the mail, get meals, keep her company for a few minutes, and watch Murray Franklin, she didn’t pry. At times he wished she would, but her lack of meaningful attention was currently convenient.

It also meant he didn’t have to tell her that his therapy appointments and medication access had been stopped due to budget cuts. That had been a blow. He didn’t understand how something he’d been court ordered to participate in could be taken away. The appointments weren’t particularly helpful, he thought. But they were something on his calendar, and he hadn’t missed a single one. He’d shifted his work schedule around, missed out on good gigs to get to them. He’d written in that damn journal, the one thing that seemed to do him some good, every day. At least he could continue with that.

Fuck. And to be told right after the first date in his life…

He smiled softly, thinking about Y/N. If the day had ended after their pie and stroll together, it would have been perfect enough to frame. She’d asked him about his condition, seemed to be curious about it in a caring way. At first, he was uncomfortable talking about it. Normally, his involuntary laughter only came up when he was apologizing for it. But she had discussed his affliction in a way that stopped him, at least temporarily, from feeling like a freak. And the way she’d caressed his hand at the diner when she’d noticed his discomfort… It had been wonderful to be touched by someone other than his mother.                        

As they’d walked together, their steps in sync, he longed to put his arm around her waist. To feel the warmth of her body against his side, turn his face into her hair and kiss her head, the way he’d seen in films. And, if he did that, every person they passed would know that she was with him. This city that he hated, its thoughtless inhabitants, would know this beautiful, accomplished woman had chosen to spend her time with Arthur Fleck.

He would never comprehend that choice. But he was grateful for it.

When she had given him a pen and paper to write his address and number, it took him a moment to gather himself enough to jot it down. He hoped he’d been able to keep the look of shock off his face. To his surprise, Y/N had called that night to thank him for taking her out. She’d given him her home number, too, which he’d written on a paper taped to the wall next to the phone, and on a paper that he’d put in his wallet, and in his notebook. The conversation had been short, sweet, and she’d asked if she could call the next night.

Christ, she had to ask? He’d finally have something to look forward to after watching television with his mother.

Since then, they’d spoken for at least a minute or two each night, though their conversations had gotten a little longer with every call. Admittedly, Y/N called him most of the time. He’d been confident enough to reach out twice, though, and he felt good about that. He could tell she’d been pleased, too.

During every conversation, Y/N asked him to tell her a joke. Arthur happily obliged. Her gentle groans and chuckles made him grin, and caused a tight feeling in his chest. More than once, he’d pinched himself to make sure he hadn’t made her up - afterward, she was always still there.

The facts he’d learned about her went straight into his journal, so he could reread them multiple times a day. She recently started work on a case involving the Wayne Foundation. (”Will I ever stop heering that name?”) She lived in Burnley. (”Three train stops or a 40 minut walk away!”) She’d been divorced for over ten years, but it had been mutual, so, in her words, “no baggage there.” That last one made him painfully aware of his own inexperience.

When she pressed him to talk about himself, it was hard to know what to say. He couldn’t tell her he was on a ton of medications, or that he’d been in Arkham. She’d already claimed to have accepted his laugh - he wasn’t going to press his luck this soon.

No one besides doctors and counselors, and occasionally Gary, usually wanted to hear anything about him. And he thought he’d covered everything he didn’t have to hide in the diner. “There isn’t much to tell,” he’d breathed.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to see you again, Mr. Fleck.” Her voice had dropped conspiratorially. “Can you come by for dinner Friday night? Around seven? I know it’s short notice, but it would be great if you could.”

Oh my god.

His pulse sped up. He pressed his palm against his chest. “Yes. Yes, I think I can. I can.” He wrote her address down shakily, as if he was afraid the pen would stop working.

“Great. I can’t wait to see you, Arthur.”

After he’d hung up the phone, he’d been so thrilled he did a little two-step. Then he went into the bathroom, the only room that would lock and guarantee him a moment’s peace, and turned on the shower. He’d stepped in, taken his erection in his hand, and stroked and tugged himself to completion. Remembering her voice, imagining it was her hand on him, his mouth on her lips, on her neck, between her thighs. The water muffled his cries as he leaned against the wall with his arm.

Now, Thursday evening, Arthur was mopping the kitchen floor, a cigarette hanging from his lips. The radio was on, playing Lawrence Welk, and he swayed to the music. He hummed softly, his movements becoming more of a dance as his thoughts turned to tomorrow night. She’d be cooking for them, for him. Even though he was never hungry, he’d do his best to enjoy whatever she made. He wondered what her apartment would be like, sure it would be as warm as she was. Would there be candles? Did the wallpaper have flowers on it? Should he bring something?

He brought the mop handle up closer and led it around like a partner, feeling a little foolish but also enjoying himself. He closed his eyes. “What, Y/N?” If he concentrated hard enough, he could almost feel her against him. “You want me to do what?” Chuckling, he shook his head. “You don’t mean that, you-”

The door buzzer broke him out of his fantasy. Who the hell would be coming over now? Furrowing his brow, he straightened and leaned the mop against the counter. He smoothed his hair back, plucked the cigarette from his mouth, and opened the door.

Gary stood there, a small smile on his face. “Hey, Arthur. How’s it going?”

“Gary, hi.” Arthur had never had a co-worker over before. He didn’t mind the intrusion, though. “What are you doing here?”

Gary lifted his arm and held out a small plastic bag. “You forgot to take these when you left.”

Arthur took the bag and looked inside it. A couple of pots of blue and red makeup were in it, as well as brushes he’d left on the vanity at HaHa’s. He nodded at the thoughtful gesture. “Thanks.” He motioned towards the apartment with his left hand. “Do you want to come in?”

Gary looked surprised, but stepped forward. “For a minute, yeah.”

“Happy, who’s that at the door?” Penny’s voice came from the bedroom.

Arthur closed the door, then turned and called back to her. “No one, mom. They had the wrong apartment.” He looked down at Gary apologetically. “My mother…”

“It’s okay.” Gary put his hands in his pockets and leaned back against the wall. “So…have you got a new gig yet?”

It felt strange to Arthur to have a conversation with Gary in his own entranceway while towering over him. As there were no chairs nearby, Arthur moved to sit next to him on the floor. “Not yet. I’ve been writing a lot though. Five jokes in a week. Actually,” he brightened, “I’ve got a show on Tuesday. It’s not paying but it’s a start.”

“That’s great,” Gary said.

“Yeah.” There was a long pause, then. Arthur looked at Gary as he took a drag off his cigarette. “And I… I have a date tomorrow night.” He hoped he hadn’t crossed a line. They hadn’t been close, but Gary had never made fun of him. He had merely needed to tell someone besides Penny.

Gary looked genuinely happy for him. “Who is she?”

It was strange but good to talk about Y/N to someone. “Her name’s Y/N. She’s pretty.” Even though he still didn’t understand what she did for work, he said it with pride. “She’s a paralegal.” He laughed softly. “It’s crazy. I met her at a grocery store. Now I’m going over for dinner.” A sigh escaped him, his eyebrows lifting as insecurity filled him. “She’s important to me. And I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Gary pursed his lips. “Did she invite you over for dinner or dinner?”

Arthur blinked at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“How long have you known each other?” Gary asked.

Arthur did a quick count of the days in his head, then shrugged. “Three weeks?”

Nodding, Gary said, “Hm. Just be a gentleman. Don’t try too hard. And be ready in case she wants dessert.”

Arthur caught his meaning then and felt himself blush. A short chuckle escaped him as his hand went to his forehead. He made a mental note to go through all his Murray Franklin tapes and re-watch every Dr. Sally segment he could find.

Gary straightened then. “Well, I gotta go. It was good seeing you,” he said.

Arthur pushed himself off the floor. “Sure.” He reached for the doorknob, thinking a moment before opening the door. “Gary, you were the only one at HaHa’s that was nice to me. Thanks.”

Gary took a step back through the door frame, a small grin on his face. “Take care, Arthur.”

“You, too.” Arthur started to close the door as Gary started down the corridor, but thought better of it and stuck his head out into the hallway. “Gary?”

Gary turned around. “Yeah?”

Arthur paused, then went for it. “You can tell Randall I have a date. If you want.”

Tag list (Let me know if you want to be added!): @harmonioussolve​@clowndaddyfleck​ @stephieraptorr @rommies​

[twoblueheartslocked]

Mini Para: August Flashback(s)

Rating: PG-13?

Pairing: Seblaine.

Sebastian: @colorsicantsee

Blaine: @twoblueheartslocked

Time: Four and a Half years before the events of ( Hold On To The Memories, They Will Hold On To You ) Start of August before Blaine’s Senior Year and Sebastian’s Junior Year. Blaine (almost 17) Seb(16 as of this Para).

Location: Westerville, OH- Sebastian’s house.

Info: A look into the month of August and the progression of Sebastian and Blaine’s relationship. Sebastian celebrates his 16th birthday with Blaine on August 27.

Warnings: Kissing teens and cussing.

Extra Warnings: (This RP is not Kurt Hummel friendly. You’ve all been warned.)

Notes: Some canon events remain in place while others have been changed. Some things may even be out of order. You can consider this sort of canon divergent AU. A few changes are that Blaine’s parents are different from the show (His mother is Filipina), he didn’t cheat on Kurt or date Dave and Sebastian is younger than Blaine. Feel free to send a message if you have any questions!

Blaine’s POV:

The month of August had been a bit of a whirlwind for Blaine; Sam had come back from his trip so he’d spend a few comic book and video game filled evenings with his best friend. Sam had been a little floored when Blaine had told him about him and Kurt. But, when Blaine mentioned all of the problems they’d be having; the fighting, the way Blaine spent almost all of his time insecure when it came to Kurt, how he always felt like he needed to dull his shine around him- Sam actually surprised him by saying that Blaine should have done this a few months ago. Much to Blaine’s surprise also was how Sam was not surprised at all that he’d been hanging around with Sebastian for weeks. He’d rolled his eyes and simply said the word duh, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Blaine had spent the rest of the night wondering if maybe, just maybe his feelings for Sebastian had possibly influenced his final decision in breaking things off with Kurt before they got too bad. He wondered if it made him a bad person because he knew now that it was so much more than just friends that he felt when it came to the tall, green eyed boy that had been taking up occupancy in his mind the last couple of months. He tried to ignore it when his brain yelled at him that Sebastian had, in some way, been there since they met, almost a whole year ago…

They’d spent almost every single free day they’d had together. Diners with shakes, and the county fair where Blaine had bought them terrible fair food and eaten too much cotton candy and Sebastian had charmed his way into a golden teddy bear to make him feel better. Blaine had dubbed the bear August as a reminder of their day. It was still sitting on his bed. They’d taken long night time drives and had gone to see a few blockbuster movies where Sebastian had gotten them giant buckets of popcorn slathered in butter and salt and sticky, sweet sodas. Blaine couldn't remember the last time he’d had so much carefree fun and every night he went home smiling and wondering what would come next.

And last weekend, Blaine had driven the two of them to the city- Columbus had one of those preserved old Movie Theatres' that looked like it had been frozen in the 1950’s. It was the kind of place that still tore your paper ticket and only showed movies that were before 1995 and only on 35mm film. The kind that still had a red velvet curtain, and ushers and they even made you watch a little cartoon before they showed the feature and good god, Blaine thought it was absolutely perfect. The film was Jaws this time, the theme being A Summertime Nightmare and they even sold little sugar cookies in the shapes of sharks with a painted on leg and shiny red icing for blood. Blaine bought them two. Sebastian wasn’t a big fan of horror films but once Blaine had playfully promised to fight the big bad monster off for him he seemed to calm down a little. Even if it was just because he was laughing at the thought.

Sebastian had been doing well until the ominous music started up and then he caught the first sight of the massive creature and Seb jumped so hard he almost tipped their popcorn, his body automatically curling towards Blaine’s as if he really could protect him. Blaine’s response had been to smile, chuckle softly and reach out for his companions hand, his fingers sliding easily between Seb’s. Seb had squeezed his hand back, face unreadable in the dim light of the old film light. But, he didn’t pull away and his grip told Blaine that he wanted to do it just as much as he did.  And it was so natural you’d think they’d done this so many times. That they’d been a couple for years. Blaine had spent so damn long fighting this feeling, the -what are we- over and over that he just didn’t have it in him anymore. It was like the harder he fought against his feelings for Seb, the stronger the magnetic pull towards Sebastian grew.

And so the hand holding became a regular thing over the last seven days, so much that Blaine’s stomach flipped each time he thought about getting to do it.  And it was almost laughable to him because Blaine wasn’t some green boy anymore. He’d been sexually active with Kurt over the last year,(He tried not to think about how insecure those moments left him, too.) but for some reason those times with Kurt didn’t seem to hold a candle to moments where he was just holding Sebastian Smythe’s fucking hand. And so every time they sat in a diner or took a drive under the stars to some park just to talk and walk or swing, he would find himself reaching for Sebastian’s hand and sometimes Seb reached for his. Blaine was in his feelings and he wasn’t sure what it meant, all he knew was that he’d fight the moon just to see Sebastian smile the way he did when their fingers were linked together.

                                                            ...

Blaine bit his bottom lip, pulling himself from the memories of the past month and tried to concentrate on getting the six of the big 1-6 he was writing on the very pink cake in leafy green icing. It was Sebastian’s sixteenth birthday today and Blaine got to spend it with him. He’d baked a homemade round strawberry cake, complete with fresh strawberries adorning the sides. Even the icing was homemade and Blaine was rather proud of himself as he stepped back to look at his handy work.

“Almost like it came from a bakery, Blaine.” His head turned to the entrance to the kitchen where his mom stood, cute and compact with an empty mug of tea to return to the kitchen. She made her way in, setting the mug in the sink before making her way over to Blaine. Her dark lashes framing her inquiring gold eyes. She turned him and put her hand on his shoulders, tilting his chin down just a bit so she could see him. “Is Sebastian your new boyfriend, sweetheart?” Blaine blushed hard and bit his bottom lip. Icing from the cake still clinging to his fingers as he let his mom hold onto him. Blaine gave a shrug, unable to answer and afraid to know the answer himself. Imelda had just smiled, soft and knowingly before lifting her shorter body to kiss Blaine gently on the forehead. “Well, whatever he is to you your smile is radiant when he’s here.” She laughed a little. “And so is his. So, if you’re worried that he might not want to be with you, I don’t think it’s necessary.” Blaine bit his bottom lip. His emotions swelling in him as he spoke honestly to her and, for the first time out loud.. himself.

“I like him so much, mom. It’s crazy. I didn’t really realize, I mean, I truly didn’t know it until now, but I think I have for a long time. Does that make me a bad person? Because of Kurt...” She shushed him and shook her head before pulling him into a tight hug. “You can’t help how you feel, and now you’re free to feel the things you do, honey.” She pulled back enough to look at him again, her honey eyes, the ones he’d inherited, smiling. “Any boy that makes you smile like that is a keeper, Blaine. Don’t let him get away.” and then she stole a few leftover strawberries and was gone out the door before he could say anything else. He wondered if other people were seeing what his mom had seen. He still didn’t know what they were, but he hoped it was more than just friends.

He packed up the cake into a plastic cake container and made sure he had all the ingredients of the pizza he was going to make for Sebastian. Extra onions and extra bacon, sauce, cheese, crust… Yeah, he had it. He hadn’t gotten Seb a gift because he wasn’t sure if that would be inappropriate or or too much or what. But now as he looked at his spread he thought maybe it was too much anyway and old insecurities about doing too much or being too over the top started to trickle in. He made himself shrug it off.  Sebastian had never made him feel like that, he had no reason to think he would now. He took the dark blue cake box and loaded it into his green SUV along with the pizza stuff. He felt under dressed, his curls loose for once and his feet in flip flops. He was wearing red swim trunks with little navy sailboats on them and a bright yellow tank top. Sebastian had insisted he wear something that he could swim in.

He placed the little card he’d gotten on top of the cake box, smiling to himself because he’d picked it out precisely as a joke. On the outside was a sly fox with a bored but slightly smiling face and a bouncing bunny rabbit in a bow tie looking overly excited. The inside was blank but Blaine had written a note along with the date.

Happy Birthday, Seb,

There’s no one else I’d rather annoy with stories or waste my nights away with.

Yours,

❤ B.

It was dumb and cute and Blaine hoped it made Seb smile. 

It wasn’t long before he was knocking on Sebastian's massive door, his arms full of surprises.

Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian had begged his mom, Sabine to leave for the next evening. Blaine was going to come over with a birthday surprise for him and had hinted that he’d need the kitchen. The last thing he wanted was his mother or some random member of her staff hanging around the kitchen. 

“Mom. Please. Please, please, please.” He was practically on his knees. Sebastian felt like he didn’t ask for much but didn’t all teenagers think that? “Please let us have the kitchen to ourselves. We’ll clean it up and everything. I swear.” His hands were clasped in front of him as if in silent prayer. “And we can celebrate my birthday later in the week.” 

“Sebastian,” Sabine looked up from her book, his name in her french accent, her green eyes peaked over her black framed cat eye glasses. “You can use the kitchen.” She sighed and closed her book, her eyes focused his, a matching pair of hers.  “Are you and Blaine dating?”

“Mom…” He huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose, he could feel his cheeks slightly redden and Sabine laughed.

“Just clean up your messes.”

He promised he wouldn’t leave a mess and that they would have dinner together later in the week to celebrate. Seb  got out the room as fast as he could. Sebastian didn’t know what he and Blaine were but he knew he was having the best summer of his life. He had never realized such simple things could make him so happy. Bribing carnies for teddy bears, too much cotton candy, fresh popcorn, holding hands at classic movies, in the car, on walks, on swing sets. Sebastian couldn’t wait for Blaine to come over on his birthday.

The next day was spent obsessively checking the time and trying on different swim trunk/tee shirt/ tank top combos to see what looked best. Sebastian settled on a dark green tee shirt and navy blue swim trunks. He could make a scene out of taking the tee shirt off before they swam and the swim trunks were a little short but showed off his legs. Sebastian hoped Blaine would notice.

Finally, the doorbell rang and Sebastian raced to answer the door before the maid did. Blaine had the code to the gated community already and had seen the various members that worked around his home but he wanted things to go smoothly and as nonchalant as possible (though there were butterflies and elephants and any other cliche you could think of in his stomach)

“Hey, B.” He opened the door and stepped back so the other boy could walk inside the house with his various materials. “All this for me?” Sebastian led Blaine to the kitchen and watched as he set out the ingredients for pizza and opened the cake box. The cake looked almost professional and Sebastian had never had a friend bring him a cake before. Sure, the cook had baked him birthday cakes and his mother had ordered him cakes with various characters on them when he was younger but this was different. He could tell a lot of hard work went into it and Sebastian thought to himself that he had never had anybody outside of his home do something so thoughtful. “You even got my favorite pizza toppings. This is so awesome.”

“You made this all by yourself?” Sebastian admired the green writing and the expertly placed fruit. He already knew it would taste perfect because Blaine had made it and he was just so naturally talented at everything he did.

Seb picked a strawberry off of the side of the red cake and popped it into his mouth as he read the card. He rolled his eyes playfully at the cartoon animals. “Thanks,killer. I’ll cherish this piece of paper forever.” But it had said yours and he wondered if Blaine had meant to do that. Yours. That could mean so many things. Sebastian smiled to himself and set the card on the windowsill above the sink so that he wouldn’t lose it. His.

Blaine’s POV:

Blaine suddenly felt extremely self conscious as he waited for Sebastian to answer his door. He wished he’d worn real clothing and just changed into his trunks when it was time to swim. Plus he was freaking gelless and now he was regretting it. He felt exposed with his curls loose god why didn’t he gel? He hadn’t let anyone see him this way for a moment. When Kurt had seen them he’d covered his mouth and pretended they were fine, and he’d been called an assortment of names by his friends. He could still hear Brittney's Broccoli comment and it made him cringe inside. But, over the last few months, Blaine had figured out how to keep the frizziness at bay with a new product and he figured tonight, what with the pool and all, would be a good night to try it out. But now, he was wondering if maybe tonight wasn’t the best night to test it out. It was too late now. Seb was opening the door looking just as gorgeous as ever in blue trunks that showed off so much leg Blaine was struggling not to stare at the light ripple of muscle as Seb led them to the massive kitchen.

His nervousness slowly ebbed away as Sebastian seemed truly impressed with his spread. He fought a smile and tried his hardest not to blush to his toes at the compliments Sebastian was dishing out. He was always pretty vocal about his appreciation for things he liked, but every single time they were directed at him, they made Blaine feel out of sorts and his tummy did little flips.

“Yeah, I made it. I like to cook and stuff and you like strawberry so figured why not? I hope you like it.” Again, he tried to fight his blush as he watched Sebastian pop the red fruit past his full bottom lip. Only Sebastian could make something as simple as that seem so attractive without even trying and Blaine was again regretting the damn short. He cleared his throat, thankful that if Sebastian noticed his crazy blushing he at least wasn’t saying anything. He watched nervously as he opened the birthday card, worrying his bottom lip and wondering if it was too cheesy. But, Seb’s smile and his words relaxed him and he wondered if he’d really keep it forever.

“So, I’ve already made the dough, it has to sit for a couple of hours, but you can help me roll it out, and I’ve cooked the bacon and cut the onions up, so all we have to do is sauce it, cheese it and top it.” He laughed, happy that Sebastian seemed so happy with his gifts. “I was going to go pick a pizza up from Borgata’s, but we get food out all the time and I thought it would be fun if we made one together. Besides, you can put as many onions and as much bacon on it as you’d like. I won’t complain one bit. However,” He reached out and playful swatted Sebastian’s hand away from the cake before covering it back up. “No cake until we’ve cleaned up the whole mess, got it?” He teased sliding the cake just out of his reach.

As it turned out, Sebastian was actually pretty terrible in the kitchen. Blaine ended up doing most of it himself while Sebastian stole pieces of bacon and cheese and traced his fingers through the flour before gently dragging his fingers over Blaine’s nose and down his cheek, laughing as he did so. He was lucky he got the pie baked in one piece. It was funny and sweet and Blaine felt like he was in a ridiculous rom-com for a little bit and he was already dreading having to leave for the night. They had cleaned up their mess while the pizza was cooling and then they’d gotten plates and brought fresh lemonade from Seb’s refrigerator, their slices of pizza and the cake box out onto the pool deck with them. The sun was setting and the moon was so full they didn’t need the deck lightly to see. Blaine had taken his flip flops off, feeling more relaxed and happy than he had in a long time.

“So, what’s the verdict, Birthday Boy?”

Sebastian’s POV:

Blaine’s eyes were wide and his hair was loose (a rare sight, Sebastian loved to see his curls) and he looked like he was sitting on the edge of his deck chair as he waited for an answer. Even in the moonlight Blaine looked beautiful and maybe even more so than normal. Sebastian thought to himself that he should tell him he looked amazing with his curly hair and sunkissed skin and swimming trunks but for once in his life (for some reason) he didn’t say anything and focused on his slice of cake. Sebastian smiled to himself and cut into the soft cake with his fork and took a big bite. He sighed and rolled his eyes (not in his usual surly way but in a ‘ugh this tastes so fucking good’ way) Seb took another bite and all but danced in his deck chair. “This is the best cake I’ve ever had.” He scooped up a forkful of frosting and popped it into his mouth. “And I’m not even saying that to get in your pants.” Sebastian laughed and popped more of the pink cake into his mouth.

The pizza was perfect, too and Sebastian gave Blaine so many compliments on his cooking that he was blushing. Blaine’s flushed cheeks were one of Sebastian’s favorite things about the other boy and he always pointed it out when he could. “You’re so cute when you blush.” They finished their meal and relaxed for a little bit before Sebastian stood up and removed his tee shirt. He threw it at Blaine and winked before jumping into the cold water of the pool. Sebastian hated the cold and the only way to get over it was to get in fast and force your body to numb itself to the feeling.

He floated on his back and stared up at the night sky. The stars were bright and there were fireflies lazily floating around in the Ohio summer air. Sebastian loved summer in Ohio. Nothing could beat the thick heat, cold  lemonade in sweaty glasses, fireworks, the scent of fresh cut grass, chlorine and hot pavement. Now he had Blaine in the summer. His favorite guy and his favorite season. Sebastian thought that this was probably the best summer of his life. He didn’t have to sneak into Scandal’s every night to have a good time and the other boy had shown him that. He was content driving around while Blaine sang him his favorite One Direction songs, Blaine’s smile seemed made just for him in those moments and Sebastian thought that he would probably do anything to keep that smile around.

“Come on, B. The water… well, it’s kinda cold but you’ll get used to it.”

Blaine’s POV:

Blaine did his best to cover up the blush and the smile that slowly spread out over his face. He was smiling so hard and so big that his face ached with the joy of the feeling and he couldn’t remember the last time he felt so good. Sure, he’d had good moments with Kurt, he had loved him… but lately all he could remember were the fights and how every good thing about his past relationship seemed to have been marred by some pettiness or disagreement about something Blaine hadn’t done right or well enough or something Blaine had done too well. And of course Blaine wasn’t perfect but Kurt never could seem to let him forget that and… and, not for the first time, he wondered if he should have ended things with Kurt before he mostly only reflected negatively and further if he should have given Sebastian a chance sooner.  He felt the connection between the two of them so strongly, he wondered how he was ever able to ignore it before.

“You don’t have to say that.” He was sure that Sebastian had had better cakes, and probably better birthdays, but he was smiling at him like he hung the moon and the way he savored each bite made Blaine feel a thousand times appreciated and he found it easy to accept the probable fib. And again his face was heated and surely red as Sebastian for the fiftieth time told him he was cute while blushing as if Blaine controlled that. It made him laugh anyway and he found that he didn’t mind.

He watched Sebastian, bold in his confidence, pulled his shirt off and threw it at him. Blaine breath hitched as he let himself really look at him for a moment, appreciating his lithe, lightly muscled form displayed in front of him before Sebastian gracefully jumped into the pool. The pool light below lighting him up and warping his body for a moment before he came back up. Blaine stood up, his fingers hesitating on the hem of his tank top, suddenly incredibly apprehensive to take it off in front of Sebastian. What if Kurt was right and his sweets addiction had caught up to him? Was he hairier than most boys his age or was his stomach not as flat as it should be? He tried his hardest to shake off his fears, Sebastian's beckoning and playfulness winning over in the end. Biting his lip he pulled the garment up and over his head, musing his curls as he dropped it to join Sebastian's.

He wondered what Sebastian saw as he sat at the edge of the pool, his feet dipping in first to test the cool water. Cold, but not unbearable. He scooted himself over the edge and took a deep breath before he let himself drop into the water, not allowing himself time to worry about his hair before going under. He swam towards Sebastian and popped back up right in front of him, splashing at the other boy playfully before nudging him in the side with his hip.

“It’s not that cold, Sebastian.” He teased, his body adjusting to the pool's temperature quickly. He floated for a moment, trying to calm down his pounding heart, the roar of blood in his ears telling him they way they had been acting with each other is so much more than friendship. He splashed at the other boy with a mischievous and admittedly flirtatious glint in his eye. He bit his bottom lip, fighting the giggle that was rising up in his throat and then wrapped his arms around Sebastian and pulled him under, the butterflies in his stomach fluttered against his rib cage from the feeling of his bare chest against Sebastian’s.

“Gotcha.”

Before Sebastian could catch him, he was already swimming away, using the boxing workouts to his advantage, to the shallow end. In one swift movement he pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the edge of the pool. He ran his fingers though his curls and slicking his hair back, but he could already feel a few curls springing up. His grin huge and the glint in his eyes clearly daring Sebastian to come get him.

Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian’s head plunged underwater, his body pressed to Blaine’s as the cold water surrounded him. He could feel Blaine’s strong arms around him, his own arms askew in the pool from the surprise. Suddenly, Blaine swam off and Sebastian popped up above the tiny waves the other boy caused. He ran a hand over his wet face and caught his breath. He watched Blaine swim away and perch on the edge of the pool. He probably could have caught him if he wanted but he let him get away. Seb laughed the sort of heavy laugh one has after losing their breath for a moment and swam over to him. 

Blaine looked great on the side of the pool, the moonlight caught in the droplets of pool water on his skin. His curls already fought against gravity and popped out all over his head, his strong arms accented as they pressed against the tiled pool ledge, his wet trunks pressed against his body in all of the right spots. Sebastian wanted to touch him and the way that Blaine was looking at him as he swam, maybe he felt the same way? They had been holding hands a lot lately and lingering at doorways when they said goodbye. He could feel a tense but exciting air around them the past few weeks but always found himself uncharacteristically nervous when it came to saying bye. What if he kissed him or touched him and Blaine rebuffed it? What if he had been reading all of the signs wrong or Blaine was just trying to distract himself? It wouldn’t be the first time somebody had used Sebastian but this one might hurt worse than the rest because he actually had so much hope buried underneath the butterflies in his belly.

Sebastian decided in his short swim that he wouldn’t get anywhere in life by being shy and just went for it. He placed his body between Blaine’s thighs so that he could look up at the other boy (which was a new but amazing view) and he placed his hands on either side of his thighs. He could hear the sounds of crickets and frogs and summer all around them in a small moment where neither of them spoke. Sebastian bit his bottom lip, his green eyes a little mischievous.

“You know, you look really awesome tonight.” He hoped Blaine knew that he would move if he wanted him to. “Thank you for everything, by the way.”

Blaine’s POV:

The air around Blaine seemed to freeze as Sebastian came so very close to him. Heat was radiating from his legs and belly in the minimal space between their bodies. He wanted nothing more than to draw him closer to him and press his body against his, just to see if it felt as incredible as Blaine imagined it would. His breath hitched at Seb’s words and he swallowed, his eyes wide, as he let the compliment sink into his skin like the drops of water clinging to him. He’d meant to say thank you, he’d meant to say you’re welcome but, his barely there, almost whispering voice had disappeared for a moment at their closeness. He could feel Sebastian’s breath on his face, could make out the vibrant green of his eyes in the moonlight, he had little flecks of blue that Blaine had never noticed before but this close they were so noticeable he wasn’t sure how.

“You- you’re beautiful, Sebastian…” his voice was shaky and almost didn’t make it past his teeth and once it was out he felt a little embarrassed at the way he’s said it, like telling Sebastian Smythe he was beautiful was an original poem that Blaine had written and it was only meant to be performed in hushed tones and desperate pleas as the moon and stars watched and listened. How many other guys have said the same to him? Did he look at them the way he was looking at Blaine now? He wanted to make him forget that anyone else had touched him. The feeling of embarrassment faded away as Blaine reached out with trembling hands and gently pulled Sebastian closer to him, afraid he might scare him away. His fingers grazed his arms and his hands were moving up to rest against Sebastian’s chest for a moment and Blaine could feel the rapid thump of his heart against his fingers, reminding him that Sebastian was real and right here and Blaine ached so badly to know it better. To memorize the rhythms with his fingers. Before he could talk himself out of it his hands were sliding up to his slender neck where freckles dusted like the stars and Blaine wanted to stop and count each one.

He let his fingertips dust over a few before slipping his hands up further where they cupped Sebastian’s devastatingly beautiful face on both sides, holding him like he was precious and it was so clear now that he actually was to Blaine. He looked down from where he was sitting, holding Sebastian’s gaze, searching for permission to explore and getting it in the way Seb bit his lip and tilted his head back slightly, his face open for Blaine. There was an inhale and then Blaine was leaning down and pressing his lips softly against Sebastian’s. His skin felt electric and his eyes fell shut as he pulled back a little to tilt his head to deepen the kiss. His tongue slipped past Seb’s lips and teeth searching for his, barely audible whines of pleasure coming from the back of his throat when he found it.

His fingers slid from Seb’s face and around to his neck, scraping at his hairline before curling against his skin gently, pulling him even closer. He kissed Sebastian like he’d never get to do it again, deeply and with a slowness that made him ache with want and he was all but breathing the other boy in. Trying to convey with each slide of lips and tongue the way he had been feeling over the last two and maybe more months. Sebastian tasted like strawberries and lemonade and Blaine couldn’t remember ever feeling so alive. He wanted Sebastian to feel everything he was feeling. Wanted him to feel how much he was desired and how good kissing him felt for Blaine and god how had he waited so long for this? Kissing Sebastian Smythe felt like something he’d been missing his whole life, he just hadn’t known it. So he drank him in with each second he got to kiss him, his thumbs running slowly over his jaw, fingers still lost in the hair at the nape of his neck. Blaine’s heart swelling with a feeling he didn't know how to name and hammering against his rib cage, his toes curling against Sebastian’s thighs under the water.

Sebastian's POV:

Seb smiled, all of his teeth exposed and his eyes crinkled. He never smiled like that. He always fought against it and chose to smirk or frown or feign indifference most times. But Blaine always brought that smile out and Seb couldn’t fight against it. Compliments sounded so much better coming from Blaine than they did from anybody else. Sure, Sebastian had had plenty of guys tell him that he was hot or great looking or whatever. Nobody had ever said beautiful before. He bit his bottom lip and looked up at him. The butterflies that always seemed to hang around when Blaine was near swirled around in his stomach again and suddenly the other boys hands were on him. Little sparks jumped under his skin and he had goosebumps all over his arms. Sebastian thought he imagined Blaine getting closer until their lips touched and everything felt real again.

Thank god they were in the shallow end of the pool because as soon as Blaine’s lips were on his and his hands were on his neck, Sebastian’s knees went a little weak and he probably would have melted into the water and fell down, down, down, to the bottom of the pool. He couldn’t fucking believe that Blaine was kissing him, that his fingers were gently scraping the back of his neck, his toes against his thighs in the water. Sebastian had never really enjoyed kissing. It was always rushed or messy but this...this was different. Maybe he had never really been kissing before and how was he ever going to want to do anything but kiss Blaine over and over again?

Sebastian’s hands gripped Blaine’s wrists as they kissed. He moaned a little despite himself and his body felt jittery and excited and he was going to need to float in the water for a while to calm his body down. He ran his hands down Blaine’s arms, his sides, down to his waist to gently help him back into the water. Sebastian was taller now and he pressed Blaine against the side of the pool gently as he deepened the kiss again, slow and gentle before he pulled away. His lips were swollen and his smile was so wide it hurt and he laughed, a happy sound that rang out over the pool. Sebastian fell backwards into the pool water with a big splash and stared up at the stars.

“Wow.”

Blaine’s POV:

It was all so perfect, Seb’s little moans with his mouth against his and moving against each other like they’d done it so many times- yet feeling like a first of many, his fingers pressed against his wrists flush against his skin and Blaine could feel his pulse against them. He sighed as Seb’s arms moved to encircle him, a little gasp escaping as he was gently pulled back into the water. And if he thought it was perfect before, it only improved as Seb was suddenly leaning down to kiss him, pressing his shorter body against the pool wall and Blaine could feel his toes lifting him up to meet Seb’s mouth better. His head back and face open and wanting as Sebastian kissed him this time, just as slow and just as deep and he tingles all over and wondered how the hell he’d get out of the pool without making a display of himself.

A noise left his mouth somewhere between a sigh and groan when Sebastian pulled away after a few minutes and Blaine was left empty armed and his lips were swollen with the feeling of Seb’s having just been on his. He was suddenly worried that maybe Sebastian was regretting it, that maybe Blaine had misread everything because why was he so far away now and why weren't they still kissing? He started to worry that maybe it meant nothing. Blaine knew Sebastian wasn’t some blushing boy that pined after him, so what if Blaine was so over the moon about something that was nothing for Sebastian? The thought hurt more than he wanted to admit to himself.

But the look on Sebastian’s face, the radiant smile, the one that showed all of Sebastian’s perfectly imperfect teeth, the one that Blaine had only started to see once they’d become closer, the one Blaine liked to say was just for him- was spreading over his features and Blaine would have given anything in the whole world to make him smile like that again and again. And Seb was laughing and Blaine was laughing, feeling free, like a weight had lifted. His worries once again just floating away into the night sky.

“Yeah… wow.”

He bit his lip, and took a deep breath as he watched Sebastian float just out of his reach and suddenly, and very unwanted- the world came back into focus. He could hear the alarm on his phone going off, the one he’d set in case he lost track of time, as he did with Sebastian. It told him it was almost eleven and he needed to leave soon if he was going to make his curfew. How many cycles had it gone through? Was he late? Normally he’d hate disappointing his mom, but tonight all he wanted was this. He told himself she’d understand as he sloshed through the water to make his way over to Sebastian. His body still embarrassingly respondent to the sight of Sebastian. He told himself he’d get ready to leave the next time it went off. Which meant nine more minutes of possibly doing this again. Nine more minutes of Sebastian in his arms.

“I guess it’s later than I thought…” He sighed, his heart overreacting and aching a little at the thought of having to go. “I want…-” He wanted to pull him back and hold him close, tilt his chin down so he could tip toe up and kiss him again with his arms pulling him against him.

But, he cut himself off, swallowing and trying to quell his worries. The ones that said maybe he was asking for too much, or that he was being too sexual and too needy. Kurt had made comments before that left Blaine feeling insecure about his need for contact and now it was trying to get the best of him. Sebastian isn’t Kurt. You’ve already spent the last ten minutes kissing him, he’s not going to reject you, Blaine. Go after what you want…

Being with Sebastian had made him feel alive and bold the last couple of months and tonight had just heightened it more and while he didn’t know what they were or what was going to come of this- he knew he needed to reach for it. He could feel something pulling him towards Sebastian. Again like a magnet, like a red string of fate and Blaine just couldn’t get enough. He licked his lips and reached for Sebastian for the second time that night.

“I want another one.” It sounded too demanding and he shook his head before licking his lips, softly trying again. “I mean could we… Could I have one? I don’t wanna go home without kissing you again.”

Sebastian's POV:

Seb had so many feelings racing through his body that he couldn’t decipher what was up or down and was thankful for the cool water of the pool, it calmed his mind and his body down a little. There was confusion about what they were because they were obviously more than friends. They couldn’t skirt around that anymore after that kiss. He didn’t feel like Blaine was his boyfriend; what a lame word-boyfriend. Could Blaine just be his person, just be his? There was the excitement because holy shit they had kissed and he had been waiting for that and wanting that for so long. Sebastian couldn’t deny that there was a little streak of doubt mixed in with the giddiness and the hormones and the questions and the adrenaline and the joy. He knew that Blaine’s friends didn’t like him because of the shitty things he had done almost a year ago and that some of them would never accept his apology and no amount of flowers or monetary donations weren’t going to change the minds of stubborn teenagers. What if they talked Blaine out of hanging out with him or pursuing something? Sebastian took a deep breath and focused on the sky again. It didn’t matter because things were great right now and Blaine was there with him.

Sebastian looked up at Blaine as he floated in the water. His wet curls were framed by the night sky and he could just make out the unsure look on the other boy’s face. He never wanted to make Blaine feel insecure or unsure about anything because….well fuck, he was Blaine. Sebastian would have believed you if you told him he had single handedly placed the sun in the sky and lined the planets and cherry picked the stars so that they gleamed just right. He thought that Blaine was just so effortlessly talented and beautiful and charming that he couldn’t comprehend how he ever doubted himself?

He paddled a little so that he could get to a spot where he could get back on his feet and regain balance in the water. Sebastian waded through the water so that he was standing in front of Blaine again. Sebastian liked when  Blaine’s voice sounded bold. He smiled, he hoped that encouraged him. “Yeah. It is getting pretty late though….best kiss me now.”

The two of them found each other effortlessly and kissed like they had been doing this for years. Sebastian wrapped his arms around Blaine’s waist, he could feel him against his skin, his face tipped up to erase the distance between them.  Kissing Blaine was like all of his favorite things about summer; hot like the sun, sweet like watermelon and lemonade and Popsicles, exciting like firecrackers, shocking like cold pool water.

Sebastian would have been content if the entire summer felt like this, if every Birthday had a cake and kiss from Blaine attached to it.

/fin.

[afictionaladventure16]

Safe and Sound (Robert Downey Jr. x Daughter!Reader)

Chapter 6

Masterlist

Previously on Safe and Sound...

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1,022

With the recent spotlight on your disappearence, Robert had closed himself off, not leaving the house or doing any interviews. That was until his publicist called him, explaining that Chris Evans had, unfortunately, had to cancel his appearance for San Diego Comic Con. Robert didn’t see as to why she would bother calling him for that particular reason, she explained that the slot was there for him if he wanted it. He pondered for a second, his mind was saying no but his gut was telling him to do it.

“Alright,” He said softly, “I’ll do it.”

She cheered, “thank you, Robert!”

He chuckled, “you owe me,” with that he hung up the phone.

“Who was that?” He looked up to see his wife Susan smiling at him.

“It was my publicist, I just agreed to do a panel for San Diego Comic-Con,” he said as fumbled with his thumbs. “I probably shouldn’t though, given all the attention with the media.”

Susan shook her head, “you need a distraction, babe,” she walked over to him, gently brushing his hair with her hands in a comforting way, “it’d be good for you.”

“You think so?”

She smiled, “I know so.”

He stayed quiet for a bit, looking at his beautiful wife. He wished his daughter was there with him, he wished he could have been there for her life, seen her grow up. Robert felt his eyes sting, “I miss her so much, Susan,” he sobbed.

Susan frowned, she hated seeing her husband in such pain, “I know,” she whispered as she pulled him into an embrace. She heard so many stories of his daughter, wonderful stories. She knew that (Y/N) was just like her father, from the home videos she has seen, her personality was just like Roberts. Susan would always see how much Robert loved his daughter in those videos, how much he cared for her. She sees it to this day with their own children, but stronger. The loss of his daughter, just made him fight harder for those he loved.

Susan didn’t want to say that (Y/N) was dead, she didn’t know what to believe but she did have hope. Hope that one day a miracle would happen, but she knew if that miracle would happen, there would be the trauma to deal with. The emotional support that young girl would need and she had mentally prepared herself for it.

~

You were sitting down outside, enjoying the warmth of the sun as you ate your lunch. You were reviewing some notes for your next class, silently repeating the formula’s for certain equations to yourself as you ate.

You were in full concentration of your notes in front of you when you heard a piercing yell, “(Y/N)!!!” You groaned slightly to yourself as you swallowed sandwich bite you were just chewing. “(Y/N)!!” You turned around to see your best friend running towards you and also seeing the crowd that she had managed to capture their attention. She jumped onto the bench next to you, placing her backpack on the table, “guess what?!”

You glared at her, “I would say you finally got kidnapped by aliens but seeing that you are still here, I’m gonna pass with that guess. So, tell me,” you said nonchalantly as you kept your focus on your notes, slowly taking a bite from your sandwich.

Your best friend rolled her eyes, “I’ve got some great news on our investigation!”

“Our investigation?” You gave her a side glance, quickly drawing your attention back to your notes, “(Y/B/F/N), I would love to hear about that but right now I really have to focus on this.” You gave her an eye gesture towards your notes.

She sighed, grabbing your notes and throwing them pretty far, almost hitting someone. You looked at her in shock, “fuck that!” She expressed, “that’s only temporary, baby! This!” she said as she placed a paper in front of you, “Can change your life.”

“So, can college if I manage to pass my calculus class!” You retorted, you got up and retrieved your notebook, quickly apologizing to the guy sitting down at the table that your notebook had managed to land on. You made your way back over to your table, “can’t this wait until after school?”

“I mean it can, but I can’t,” she said with glee.

You let out a defeated sigh, “alright, if anything I’ll take a make-up quiz after school,” you placed your notebook aside, “now tell me, what’s so important that you had to almost kill a guy with my calculus notes?”

She smiled, pushing the paper further over to you, “your dad-”

“We’re not even sure about that,” you quickly interrupted.

She rolled her eyes, “okay, Robert Downey Jr. is going to comic con.”

“Okay and?”

“San Diego Comic-Con,” she said slowly, “the comic con we’re going to, the one we’ve been planning on going to for years now. The one that is a week away... You see what I’m trying to say here??”

You looked at the paper, sure enough, he had a panel at SDCC. “Alright,” you said, still unsure of what she was implying.

“I know we got passes to the Supernatural photo sessions and we planned on going to their panel but Robert’s panel is around the same time, by the time the Supernatural panel ends we’ll probably only make it to ten minutes of Robert’s panel,” your best friend explained.

“Just spit it out, (Y/B/F/N), what are you trying to say?”

She let out a frustrated sigh, “we are going to find a way to meet Robert, passes or not!” You stayed silent for a bit, you had no idea how what to say. This could go wrong many ways, but it was probably your only shot at finding out the truth, “Well?!” Your best friend asked anxiously.

You took another bite of your sandwich, chewing it slowly as you continued the debate in your mind. Swallowing the chewed bite, you looked over to your best friend who was carrying an annoyed look, “I’m in.”

Safe and Sound taglist is CLOSED

ALSO, I am super close to hitting 1k followers and I kind of want to do something special... I don’t know what though. Let me know what you guys would like to see, like a special fic or something... I don’t know! I’m still new to all of this! 

Permanent Taglist: @unapologeticallymimi   @glitterquadricorn @lady-of-lies  @cassmoreiraxo @just4muggles @mellorine-paprika  @agirlruinedbybands @yougottalovefandoms @avngrsinitiative @lizlil @otomefan @dejaazaro @culturebay @kpopishilarious @fireproof-heaven @iloveyouthreethousand-o6  @weappreciatepower @whereyoustand  @white-wolf-buckaroo @spider-woman22 @coffee-habit @supernaturallover2002 @barnes-parker @therealmrshale @myinternetissoslow

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[thelittlestcheshire]

Hello! I’m Katie, and this is my muse Ches. If any of you were in Luxor over the summer, you know this pain in the ass so I’m probably gonna do a quick “here’s where this brat was” recap at the bottom, along with anything I’ve changed between that Ches and this Ches! I’m really excited to be back, and I’m really looking forward to roleplaying with everyone.

I also have the habit of writing crazy long bios when I do bother to write them so there’s a tl;dr for that, also some wanted connections at the bottom. I love plotting so if you ever have any ideas, feel free to come excited scream with me here or on Discord! So without further ado ♥

TWs:  Gun Violence / Murder / Death (not by Ches), Blood, Abuse (Relationship), Cheating, Mental Illnesses, Drugs/Alcohol, Overdoses (also not by Ches / did not result in death)

Is that HAILEY CHESHIRE “CHES” ELSWOOD? Wow, they do look a lot like KATHERINE MCNAMARA. I hear SHE is a SEVENTEEN EIGHTEEN year old SENIOR who originally attended CARNIFEX Academy. Word is they are an ARISTOCRAT student. You should watch out because they can be IMPULSIVE and STUBBORN, but on the bright side they can also be ENERGENIC and LOYAL. Ultimately, you’ll get to see it all for yourself. [KATIE, 23, EST, SHE/HERS]

Last Edit: 8/26/2020

♥ basics; Full Name: Hailey Cheshire “Ches” Elswood Preferred Name: Ches Elswood Age: 18 Birthday: July 19th, 2002 at 03:22 am Sexual Orientation: Biromantic bisexual Relationship Status: It’s complicated ( @ Elliot ) Occupation: Student Nationality: American [with French dual citizenship] Ches’s Car

♥ classes;

Anthropology

Shakespearean Studies

Linguistics

Latin

Music

Advanced Sociology

Advanced Psychology

World History

♥ extracurriculars;

National Honor Society

Theater Club (Actor)

Concert Band (Piano)

♥ background; Place of Birth: Paris, France Hometown: Manhattan, New York, New York Health Issues: Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD, not that she likes to admit to it, however. She’s also highly allergic to the Perciformes family of fish (tuna, mackrel, perch , and bass). While she’s okay with the  salmoniformes (Salmon and Trout), she really doesn’t touch fish outside of... literally salmon she makes herself since that’s all she trusts ok. ((Shellfish is fine though) Traumas: Watching her mother die (mugging gone wrong/shot to death)

♥ physical; Face Claim: Katherine McNamara Eye Color: Green Hair Color: Red Height: 5′3 ½” (not at fc height quick side note) Weight: 115 lbs Tattoos, Birthmarks, Scars, etc: Mole above her belly button, a few moles on her thighs, freckles and face moles. (Face Ref 1, Face Ref 2,  Body Ref 1, Body Ref 2) . She also has a tattoo now.

♥ zodiac;

Tropical

Sun: Cancer Moon: Scorpio Mercury: Cancer Venus: Virgo Mars: Leo Jupiter: Cancer Saturn: Gemini Uranus:  Aquarius Neptune: Aquarius Pluto: Sagittarius Lilith: Aries N Node: Gemini

Placidus Orb

I ASC: Gemini II: Cancer III: Cancer IV: Leo V: Virgo VI: Libra VII: Sagittarius VIII:  Capricorn IX: Capricorn X MC: Aquarius XI: Pisces XII: Aries

♥ relatives;

Father’s Full Name: Edward Valentine Elswood Father’s Status: Alive Father’s Occupation: CEO/Owner of a multi-billion dollar luxury goods conglomerate  (net worth of 50+ Billion in fact - in turn, Elswood kids do NOT bat an eyelash at prices) Mother’s Full Name: Julia Andrieux Elswood Mother’s Status: Deceased [shot by a mugger on the twin’s 8th birthday] Future Step-Mother: Rebekah Carroll (soon to be Elswood, watch this space lol) Step-Mother’s Occupation:  Siblings: 6 brothers and sisters (family page here) Elswood-Carroll Children Oldest to Youngest:

Logan Elswood (24)

Jamie Elswood (22)

Emmett Elswood (19)

Cade Carroll (19)

Jonah / Ches Elswood (TWINS)

Flynn Carroll (16)

Effie Elswood (14)

Ella Elswood (10)

She also has a niece named Isabella (Belle) who’s now almost 8 months (DOB: 07/10/2019). Belle belongs to her oldest brother, Logan (and Belle’s mother isn’t in the picture).

This is a link to the Elswood family page if you’d like to know more about her family.

♥ relationships; Ex-Significant Other(s): Probably a handful of people tbh, hit me up if you want this as a WC Reason for Separation: Stuff not working out, Ches getting bored before she got attached, so on - she’s a flirt tbh, it takes her wanting to get invested for her to stay Current Significant Other: N/A

♥ misc;

Hobbies and Talents: Ches’s main hobbies are playing piano and archery (she forever misses her bow and arrow while she’s at school), as these are also the two things that are best at calming her down. She has an intense love for acting, so it’s not uncommon for her to be one of the first people to sign up for auditions, and she tends to sing a lot so musicals are truly her shit. It’s not uncommon to see her in the library, reading a book late a night.

However, a talent she doesn’t exactly own up to often is her talent for forgeries and lockpicking. While she doesn’t use these skills as they’re intended for often, she does tend to practice them a lot, so she’s not rusty for when they are actually useful.

Pinterest Section // Musings Tag // Playlist (it’s an in general Ches playlist tho)

Ches speaks English and French fluently, her mother was born and raised in Paris so she learnt them both at the same time

DO NOT CALL HER HAILEY unless you really want to end up on her shit list, it’s her biggest pet peeve, she will glare at you for hours.

She’s the mom friend if your mom friend also goes “I HAVE THE BEST IDEA” and drags you into trouble. Literally, the one who frets over you and proceeds to get you into trouble.

This muse does what she wants, I just write it down I apologize always for her

Doesn’t really... seriously date too much because of past situations (Her older brother slept with the first person she truly loved) and she tries to avoid falling in love

That being said platonic I love yous are her shit, she loves her friends a LOT

Ches is very serious about her studying (and wanting to be among the best of the best because - this girl has Ivy league college dreams and she has no intents on fucking those up), so like expect her to do shit like read an entire textbook at the start of school and study at midnight when her insomnia is kicking her ass.

She’s a bit of a closet nerd - if you look under her bed she has a chest of comic books, she’ll just lie if you ask her about them

Ches left Luxor due to a family emergency in October, it was a really hard decision (and it was a really hard decision to come back). She is just now coming back to school.

She got her tattoo while she was away from school, using a forged note of parental consent in New Jersey.

♥ bio;

TWs: Gun Violence, Murder, Death, Blood, Abuse (Relationship), Cheating, Mental Illnesses

Growing up as an Elswood means two things, you have a lot of siblings and a lot of money. Her parents had decided to raise their children in Manhattan, New York, where they could keep a close eye on their multi-billion dollar conglomerate. Her mother, Julia, would take them on trips constantly too - when she wanted to get the children away from the hustle and bustle of the city they’d go to their vacation home upstate, or their private island, or even to visit their family in Paris. At that point in life, Ches was happy. She had a solid group of friends, she had the best friend she could ever imagine having in the form of her twin brother, she had a loving and warm family, and she had a parent who would tell her no.

When she thinks back to her life before the incident, it feels like a completely different story. A fairytale even, perfect and happy in every way compared to her life now. However, it wouldn’t last, after all, fairy tales didn’t exist and reality was a much crueler mistress. One could say Lin-Manuel Miranda described it best; “life doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes.”

Everything changed on her eighth birthday when her mother took her out shopping to get a present for twin brother Jonah at Palisades Mall. A man came up with a gun while they were in the parking lot and asked for all of their money. Julia Elswood compiled but she made one mistake, the simple utterance of “Cours, Ches” as she gave the man her purse.

Ches might have gotten out of the event alive, but not she was not unscathed. Julia Elswood was pronounced dead when medics finally arrived on the scene, her blood coating her daughter’s hands and clothing from Ches’s attempts to stop the bleeding. She might have survived the event without physical harm but she was never the same child she was before after that.

One day she had an intact family, the next day the Elswoods were in ruin. Her father completely shut himself out from the family, only coming out for birthdays and holidays. Her oldest brother stepped up as their parental figure, first starting out with homeschooling before he eventually dropped out to ensure his siblings were getting as much of his time as they possibly could. He tried his hardest to make the loss of their mother easier on the younger girls especially, given how young they were at the time. She helped him with the girls as much as she could (and overtime she slowly started filling the role as their second parent). Because of how busy the younger Elswood children kept him, sometimes Logan didn’t have the time to comfort Ches when she woke up in the middle of the night, haunted by their mother.

That was when Emmett stepped in. It wasn’t uncommon for him to sleep on her floor so he’d be there when she woke up terrified out of her mind, and he was there when she just eventually stopped sleeping like people tended to. Over time she realized that Jonah and her weren’t truly two peas in a pod the way they used to be, that Emmett was the only Elswood who truly got her. He wasn’t perfectly normal either, his thoughts and feelings were flawed like hers.

In a family that made her feel so broken at times, Emmett was a saving grace - a reminder she wasn’t alone.

Going to school in Carnifex was an easy decision when you felt so alone at home, at school she found a close group of people she loved and cared about - she felt less alone and less like her family were judging her, and when the feeling came up - she could always toss herself back into her schoolwork and pretend that maybe, just maybe, she was just a normal kid living a normal boring life. Family issues easily bred vulnerability though, and it was that vulnerability that was exploited not long before she was set to start Carnifex.

Long-distance relationships weren't’ supposed to be easy, but when she fell in love for the first time. At the time, she had thought she was as fucked up as she could ever be, that at this point she was just focused on healing the wounds her mother’s death had left in therapy and after that, everything would be fine. James Ruth quickly showed her how mistaken she had been, even now she doesn’t like thinking about everything he had done to her. She doesn’t discuss everything he had put her through in the time they were together nor does she have any intentions on truly discussing the worst of the abuse she endured while dating him and she was home - even in therapy. It did, however, have an effect on her, it made her terrified of truly falling in love with somebody again.  (Note: James is also a massive reason why she doesn't get along with her brother Jamie, the two Elswood siblings never recovered from Jamie sleeping with Ches’s boyfriend. It causes a good deal of tension in the Elswood home but Ches can’t just forgive him, her brother never even apologized for his actions, she wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t hurt her because her father wanted them to get along for his own sake. They were on the rocks before this and afterward, the tension just got a whole lot worse.)

Going back to Carnifex her sophomore year was a key factor in helping Ches get away from her relationship, and it became as much of a home for her than her actual home was the longer she attended. Sure, she still misses her younger sisters, she misses Emmett and Camellia, and she misses her friends in the city. She also dislikes just how restricted she truly is when it comes to Instagram and trying to grow her influence while she attends Carnifex. Networking had to wait until she was home and sometimes she questions why she decided boarding school was a good idea. And then Ches looks at her friends, at the education she’s receiving, and all the fond memories she’s developing. Carnifex, and now Luxor, was well worth the fear of missing out she feels. 

If you had asked her at the start of this school year, she would have told you nothing could have gotten her to leave school for any amount of time her senior year, she had spent the whole summer at Luxor (even after hearing about her baby niece, that meant a lot) - she finally settled in, she couldn’t imagine anything happening that would cause her to leave the academy. And then, on October 16th at two am in the morning, she got a phone call from Ella. Their oldest brother, Logan, had overdosed. While his drug addiction had never been a secret to the family, his relapse had been a surprise to Ches. Her brother had sworn up and down he was fine, that everything at home was okay. Going back to New York was a no brainer, her family needed her - and she needed them.

Logan, who’d been the closest thing to a parent she had since her mother died, almost died - she almost lost all the parental figures she ever knew. It was hard, getting adjusted back to New York City, she threw herself into her school work and did her best to fill the shoes Logan left open as he went through rehab, and then, adjusted back to being home. While she stayed in touch with the people she had at Luxor, she wouldn’t come back until her brother way okay - until she felt safe about leaving him with his daughter and their siblings without her as a backup. Coming back to school this time was really hard on her, the homesickness is worse than ever and she’s constantly trying to check in on her siblings (because mom!Ches is truly in full force and she’s trying to get it back down) but she’s glad to be back. She’s missed being at Luxor, a lot, so she’s glad to be back.

TLDR / quick important notes bio recap for rereads:

Ches’s mother was murdered on her 8th birthday in front of her

She was raised by her oldest brother, Logan, and is NOT close to her father really. She also helped raise her younger sisters and is very protective of them.

The Elswood she is closest to is Emmett, Jonah and her grew apart after her mother’s death.

Ches’s first real love was James (an NPC), they dated (entire)Freshman-(mid)Sophomore years, it was abusive (much more than Ches will ever discuss unless she gets majorly close to someone and they HAVE to know (cough still hasn’t happened though cough)) and Ches is now terrified of falling in love again. Her messy as fuck relationships & exes all start after this point.

Ches’s history at Luxor is pretty much in-tact, changes will be below in another section!

Ches left Luxor because of her oldest brother, Logan, overdosing. He is alive but she stayed in NYC until he was out of rehab / stabilized in order to take care of her younger siblings and her niece, Belle.

Notable Luxor Notes:

Anything relating to Thomas (for those of you who know what I mean) really hasn’t occurred, so if you mention it she’ll just be like “who?” This seems like the easiest course of action given how things were left off

Other muses of note I’m not going to account for are: Asher (more will be added as needed).

Ches isn’t a member of the Churchill Circle (I’m leaning towards was never one either just because the reasons she joined are no longer a factor so... she probably wouldn’t have ever joined)

If anyone wants to change history and/or keep it intact, feel free to dm me to let me know and I’ll update this accordingly. 

Wanted Connections:

Exes (when Ches dates it’s not for long, but she’s definitely the type to be like “I’ll go out with you” if asked and then... dump you if she thinks she’s getting too attached. So her exes are either on good terms, neutral terms, or they probably dislike her a lot)

Former friends with benefits - while Ches is no longer taking on new ones because of Elliot (and is starting to wean off her current ones), I’m always willing to headcanon past things!

FRIENDSHIPS  (I am weak af for a good friendship plot, never be afraid to be like “hey can our muses be friends” the answer is legit always yes)

Enemies (Ches can... be a lot so it’s not unlikely she’s pissed people off ok)

[butwhyduh]

Hi!!!! I really love your writing and it always makes my insides feel good (sry if that's weird) Maybe like a peter x fem!reader where they're dating, and she's Natasha's adopted daughter, and she and Nat are sparring and Peter gets really turned on and then sexy time happens ;)

This is interesting. I like it. In the comics Nat is as old as Steve and Bucky so we’ll go with that cuz the math would be weird otherwise. Also reader and Peter are 19. This turned super fluffy smut for some reason? Idk the words are in charge, not me. 😂

Natasha never meant to adopt a child. Not with her line of work. But when she saw a 10 year old shivering in a bombed out building in a small village, she had to take you back to the avengers compound with her. Tony had looked into legal channels but there was a chance of deportation so Nat doctored from paperwork from a far off place and you were hers.

To say you had an unusual childhood was an understatement. Natasha taught you self defense and multiple weapons at a young age. You were homeschooled in the tower. Paperwork on an illegal birth certificate was a bit much, plus you had some of the brightest in STEM to learn from. You really took to engineering and was often found in Tony Stark’s lab learning. You had seen the outside world. She had taught you 6 languages and techniques to blend in public. On low risk assignments she would take you to far off places.

You graduated at 16 and became a full time shield agent. You met your now boyfriend peter Parker that year. He was so nervous about meeting the avengers. It was cute. It took him a few months to really notice you and when he did, he really did. Peter became a flustering mess in front of you. After after some honestly bad advice from Nat and good advice from Pepper, you asked him out. And the next 3 years was history.

Today you were training. Nat had you sparring together. You were sweating through your grey tank top. Your sports bra visible as Nat pinned you to the floor. You weren’t as strong as her, no super soldier serum.

“Mama, stop!” You groaned as she tightened her legs around your thighs. Your arms were pinned above your head.

“Doch, fight out,” she commanded. You struggled against her arms. “Plan better. Don’t just struggle.”

You grunted as you tried to elbow her. Nat easily evaded your action. The door to the sparring room opened and Peter Parker carried in a heavy bag where he couldn’t see the two of you fighting. Peter sat it down before turning and freezing. He wasn’t expecting to see his girlfriend in damp work out gear being pinned to a mat by her uncomfortably attractive mother.

“Oh, uh hi,” he said turning red. Natasha smiled at him.

“Hey babe. How are you,” You asked before successfully elbowing Nat in the ribs. You slipped from her arms and stood up. She laughed before standing up.

“Hi Peter. Are you going to train? Y/n can help you,” she volunteered. You glared at her. You had just finished her crazy session.

“No, Ms Romanoff. I was just moving this for Mr Stark,” Peter said playing with the hem of his shirt. Natasha’s phone vibrated and she looked at it.

“Work calls. Play nice,” she winked at you both.

“What does she think we do?” Peter asked as the door to the room closer.

“I don’t even want to know. Wanna come to my room?” You asked giving him a light kiss unaware that he was completely turned on.

“Yeah,” Peter said. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you as you pulled him along. Your tight leggings. The way your tank stuck to your sweaty form. When you closed the door to your room he resisted the urge to rip your clothing off right there.

“You okay?” You asked as you pulled the tank off and threw it in the hamper. Peter grasped your hips from behind and ran his hands up your side. You leaned back into him which allowed Peter to pepper kisses along your neck. His fingers slid along to cup your breasts through the material.

“What’s gotten into you?” You asked as he nibbles your earlobe. He whispered in your ear.

“My fucking hot girlfriend looks really sexy all sweaty and I want to touch her,” he said. You moaned softly. Fuck he could talk dirty. “Is that okay? Can I touch my girlfriend?”

His hand slid from your breasts, down your stomach to softly rub between your legs as you nodded. You ground your ass against his crotch as he rubbed. You could feel him getting hard. His hand slid under your training clothing to touch your folds. “Fuck you’re wet. What do you want?”

“Mm fuck me. I want you to.. mmm.. fuck me,” you moaned as he fingered you. Peter smirked against your skin before pulling his hand away. You groaned at loss of contact before he quickly turned you to face him. He softly pushed you on the bed. You lifted your hips and he slid off your bottoms. You yanked off your bra as he slipped from his clothes.

You laid down and lifted your legs and spread them in a splits in front of Peter. Probably not what Natasha planned when she taught you flexibility. He groaned softly before climbing over you.

“I have the hottest fucking girlfriend in the world,” Peter said while grinding the tip of his cock through your folds. He was teasing you. You tried to move your hips but Peter avoided what you wanted.

“Peter... fuck me,” you whispered. He sunk in suddenly. You gripped his arms tightly. He slowly started moving. You wrapped your legs around his waist. Peter bent his head in your neck and sped up.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” he whimpered as he moved. You pulled his face up to eye level. He looked at you in a way that no one else had ever done. Like you were the most important person to him. It was almost too much.

“I love you,” Peter said. He could throw out phrases like that. He could declare love so easily. You were jealous of his openness. You kissed him fiercely before pulling back.

“I love you too. Pull my hair,” you said. He laughed but did as you told. You moaned loudly. “More,” you said and he pulled again as he moved faster. You gripped his back tightly and met his thrusts as you came. Peter panted and dipped his head in your neck again as he found his release. Peter slipped to his elbows above you and sat weakly. He kissed you softly before pulling out.

Peter rolled to your side and pulled you on his chest. His fingers slid between yours and he held your hand over his chest. You could feel his beating heart. Peter’s other hand rubbed soft circles on your shoulders until you fell asleep. You were never this comfortable with anyone else.

[sasstablook]

voidpunk feels, let’s go

quote, OG voidpunk @arotaro​: “I don’t have a voidsona because I don’t have much of a sense of self”

what is voidpunk? 1 2

a history of voidpunk

alright, the rest of it is under the cut!

cw: discussion of “scary” mental disorders, self harm mention, dysphoria talk, anorexia mention, violence mention, some mentions of sex, abuse discussion

so to start out with, these are my Official Diagnoses: C-PTSD, bipolar-1, and fibromyalgia. I am not against self-diagnosis, but I tend not to self-diagnose myself, for fear of using the wrong term and it coming back to bite me in the ass. that being said, I'm pretty certain (especially in regards to my bipolar disorder) that there's something else going on here that the professionals are missing. I'll only be discussing my symptoms from here on out, not my disorders as a whole.

my main symptoms I experience that make me "not human" are:

intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness

paranoia and psychosis

body, social, and mind dysphoria

memory loss and executive dysfunction

disorganized speech and being nonverbal

hypo/hyperactivity

ambivalence and black+white thinking

I started with a very long list, and I tried to group related symptoms together. so...

I'm going to refrain from inputting sources and various denotative definitions, speaking only on my personal experiences.

1. intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness

a lot of "normal" people get random unwanted thoughts. like that little voice that says "throw your phone in the river" when walking across a bridge. these aren't necessarily intrusive. the main thing that separates these two experiences is intensity. my personal pattern of intrusive thoughts includes a lot of violence. for fear of stigma, I won't go into further detail. but often times, these intrusive thoughts develop into impulses. these are things I do without thinking them through. I don't think about consequences, I just act. my brain tells me to... let's say, scream. like blood curdling, someone's getting murdered, scream. I just do it.

my brain tells me to hurt myself. I don't know why. I do it without further questioning or examination. not even to just get my brain to shut up, necessarily. there are some persistent intrusive thoughts that never get acted on. but some of them do lead to action, even if they're the least persistent of the bunch

2. paranoia and psychosis

these aren't necessarily linked in the way intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness are, being that one can exist without the other (impulsiveness is always caused by an intrusive thought). but they very often go hand in hand, with paranoid thinking leading to psychotic symptoms. example: I am paranoid that my roommates are talking about me in the other room; I then begin to hear voices-- which may or may not belong to my roommates-- whispering unintelligibly

3. body, social, and mind dysphoria

https://imgur.com/vp1EjlA

dysphoria is something a lot of trans folk can relate to. but my dysphoria isn't exclusively tied to my gender. my dysphoria is invariably linked to my dissociation and depersonalization experience. this ties into my inability to connect with human beings.

I experience body dysphoria in that I despise basic bodily functions and necessities to keep the body alive. this includes consuming food stuffs, which ties into my experiences with disordered eating (y'all remember when I was anorexic? yeah, the thoughts haven't went away, but I'm doing better with my actions now). also can humans just... not... with the bathroom thing. like is it absolutely necessary to piss and shit all the goddamn time.

I experience social dysphoria in the way I am perceived by others. this mostly ties into my gender. no matter what I do, I am always read as a girl. but even so, I struggle to be read as masculine in that I don't necessarily *want* to be read as masculine. because men are just flat out awful. and this isn't exclusive to cis men. I don't *want* to be associated with men. because if men are bad.... and I'm a man... then I must be bad, right?

which leads us to mind dysphoria and the same line of thinking in regards to my masculinity. I am at war with myself on exactly how I would like to be perceived by others. my feelings on The Way Men Are and my feelings on my own identity as a man do not coexist peacefully

4. memory loss and executive dysfunction

memory problems are a symptom of all three of my Official Diagnoses, so it's no surprise I struggle with short and long term memory. if the event occurred even last month, I probably won't remember it. I struggle to recall basic details about people I've known for years, including age and last names. so you can imagine what it's like when I meet someone new!

as far as executive dysfunction goes? I just... don't remember. I don't remember how to do the most basic things. I've had to have loved ones walk me through the steps of preparing a bowl of cereal before. no, I'm not joking

5. disorganized speech and being nonverbal

I love language. I'm a poet. language is my thing. I got a perfect 36 on the English portion of my ACT, dammit

but as time goes on, I'm losing my command of the English language. I use the wrong word in the middle of sentences. sometimes the word isn't even related to the word I meant to use, though I can't think of any specific examples right now. sometimes it's just straight up word salads, which make sense to me, but not to those around me.

sometimes my brain's language center just... gives up. during those times, I may utter one or two word sentences. I might just make noises. I might use gestures or ASL. I might text full sentences or just a couple words at a time. or I could just become completely and utterly silent, not even attempting to communicate. I don't understand this

6. hypo/hyperactivity

note: I chose the suffix "-activity" rather than "-sexuality" because this isn't just limited to my problems in bed, though that's a large part of it.

this is something that I've only become aware of after others have pointed it out to me. there are days where I move too slow for their comfort. and it isn't always related to my pain either. I can be having a good physical day and still move like a sloth. on the other hand, there are days when I'm bouncing off the walls

I also fluctuate between hypo/hypersexual. there are days when I am sex repulsed. there are days when all I want to do is fuck

7. ambivalence and black+white thinking

I live in such a state of contradiction. I don't know how to feel about people, concepts, what have you. in order to cope with this, my brain often sorts others into 2 categories: perfect and evil.

sometimes, someone who was perfect yesterday can be put in the evil category the next day (I'm currently experiencing this with a lover of mine). I don't see gray areas. I'm incapable of processing gray. which is odd, considering I'm on the gray-ace spectrum

all of these combined tend to cause certain thoughts, feelings, and actions in other people.

"that's not normal"

"that's weird"

"you're crazy"

"you're broken"

"what's wrong with you?"

"we're putting you here for your own safety"

"this will fix you"

sure, help me out a little. give me some medication, some therapy. but... "fix" me? what about me needs to be "fixed"? why do I need to be "fixed"? namely, why won't you listen when I tell you what I need in order to cope with my brain's battle against me? I don't need crisis intervention. I don't need an institution. I just need medication for my chemical imbalances and therapy to learn how to live with my brain. when you talk about "fixing" me... it's like the only reason you care is because I'm not a "productive" member of society. it's like you want to "fix" me for your benefit. does that make sense to anyone else but me? this comes back around to the disorganized speech and communication, I'm really not sure I'm getting across my thoughts effectively here.

people hurt me... I feel like they do this because they think I'm a villain. I feel like they hurt me to protect themselves. even if I go out of my way to shield them from the way I am inside, it might not be enough to help them feel safe around me

I'm scary.

for so long, I've been in love with aliens, and cryptids, and monsters, among other inhuman creatures. I relate to them. I feel so disconnected with my humanity, that these beings bring me comfort

and now, I'm not the only one

voidpunk

bonus: actual notes from my notepad that I took in an attempt to gather my thoughts

my voidpunk: aliens, cryptids, slasher horror, cyborgs/androids, uncanny valley, Homestuck, primal, cannibal, afterlife, demons, liminal spaces, occult, FNAF, psychedelics, Undertale, dandelions, hoarding, Twilight vampires, parasites, X-Men, we're all made of star stuff, death and decay, bugs and creepy crawlies, succubus/incubus, god complex, yandere simulator, fae, transparent, Nathan W. Pyle comics, the world is quiet here, Lemony Snicket, escapism, fernweh, unconventional beauty

things that make me voidpunk: sleep paralysis, hurting others, an urge to kill, impulsive violence, using sex to get what I want, hyper/hyposexuality, xenogenders, microlabels, neopronouns, dissociation, an inability to connect and relate to other humans, lack of "common sense", "men are trash", inability to distinguish between My Reality and Real Reality, I Don't Remember Anything, psychosis, can't pick up on subtlety, unsure how to socialize properly, I'm Scary, ambivalence, inability to make concrete decisions, self medicating, Out Of Control, how do I move properly, broken executive functioning, disorganized speech, paranoia, I despise basic bodily functions like eating and bathroom, what do you mean you can't read my mind, google: how to communicate effectively, black and white thinking

[violentnonretirement]

About Bastet: Jack

I’m doing multiple posts to kind of separate out things. This one will be about Jack, there will be one about Ana, and then one about the general Lore.

So keep in mind this is just about Jack, since the short story was equally about both and I literally have way too much to talk about with Ana to fit them both here while still being at all readable.

I’m just going to go through chronologically. Also under the cut because it’s... It’s a lot. Ana’s might end up longer, though.

“ As she took a closer look, she could see that the jacket and his flesh had been ripped apart by a shotgun blast. From that range, it should have killed him, but Jack had certain advantages. His wounds could heal themselves—a legacy of his past as a test subject and an enhanced soldier...“

First of all, we can finally do away with the ‘Gabe wasn’t trying to kill Jack’ theories because he absolutely was. Also, referring to Jack (and by extension Gabe) as test subjects says a lot about the nature of the SEP. Not an exact process, not a 100% smoothed out deal. Jack and Gabe were test subjects.

Jack’s got a crazy good healing factor. Like. We learn later the bullets from Reaper have a necrotic agent of some sort that’s trying to keep him from healing and his body is still pushing through to heal the wound literally minutes after the attack, also aided by Ana’s dart.

“ His genetic enhancements should have helped him acclimatize to different conditions, the same way they should have stopped the blood that was seeping through the shirt he’d tied across his midsection as a bandage. “

First of all, “genetic enhancements”. Second, Jack is able to acclimate to different weather very easily.

ALSO

How many times has Ana bailed his dumbass out of danger???

“ ...He made a face at the bitterness. “Any sugar?” “ “ ....“You’re a kitten, Jack,” Ana laughed. “

THIS IS FUCKING CUTE COME AT ME. I got that hc wrong Jack apparently likes sweet things if tea is too bitter for him. Fucking adorable you big punkass  funky boy.

Tangent here to talk about their banter? Like it’s so... honest? Like it’s just “these are two extremely close people who still have the fun sarcasm and are easily filling back into the role of close friends despite everything that’s happened”. It’s genuinely entertaining and I had a lot of fun reading the back and forth because it’s just fun and snarky and both have so much life to their replies. And it shows they know each other to the point that Ana knows Jack well enough that she literally drugs him because she knows he’s about to be a dumbass the minute he wakes up.

Also, proof that no one but the three of them and by extension Talon know Jack and Ana and Gabe are alive.

Jack took a trip to New York with his mother and loved the Egyptian museum as ‘his favorite part’, so that’s rly cute.

“ “We tried to find you,” Jack said somberly. “I used every resource at my disposal. Gabe even put McCree on it personally. Not a trace. Everyone else tried to convince me you were gone and that I was being irrational. But deep down I knew that you couldn’t be dead.” “

“...It turns out we couldn’t do it without you,”

“.... Don’t let this go. Don’t be like the others. They dismantled everything we spent our lives building, and then they made us into villains.”

“ “... You never were good at letting go,” Ana chided him. “Too stubborn for your own good.” “

Fucking. One of my big headcanons confirmed. That Jack and Gabe did everything in in their power to find Ana, and that Jack did not give up. If there’s something to be learned about his character from this it’s that Jack is a deeply emotional and very unforgiving character. He remembers, and he holds grudges like a motherfucker.

Even after the years, Jack was in Cairo because he believed Ana was alive and he wanted to find her.

Jack says he’s moving on and his quest is moving on but I don’t think Jack can let things go. Period. He couldn’t let go of Ana, Overwatch- his in-game lines “I’ve got a long memory”. Jack does not forget, and again, he holds grudges like a motherfucker. 

She was thought to be dead for years and yet Jack held out hope the entire time, all the way up to chasing her down in Egypt after hearing there was a vigilante there and hoping it was her. If we’re looking at canon Jack, canon Jack loves Ana deeply. She is an important person to him. Just like he loved Gabriel.

Which brings me to a big point. Jack is an angry, frustrated figure but he feels deeply. He feels so deeply for the people he’s with. Ana, Gabe, those people are so fucking important to him that the issue of Ana’s unknown fate, plus the (still only theorized) ‘betrayal’ from Gabriel, two people who were so important to him, turning to anger and vengeance would feel like the only option for him.

“ Ana read the desperation on Jack’s face. “Getting revenge for what happened won’t accomplish anything other than getting you killed.” “Maybe, but I still have to fight. Everyone else gave up, but not me.” “

This is the core of my style of characterization. If Jack lets this fight go- against Talon and Hakim and Los Muertos- he has nothing left. Jack was a soldier for the majority of his life. We know he enlisted around 18 and fought in the crisis, and led Overwatch, all adding up to about 30 years of “fighting the good fight” and something like 6 of fighting it from the shadows. At this point, giving up that fight would force him into an identity crisis, and I don’t think Jack wants to face that, so he just puts up walls against forming new bonds, and considers that, yes, he may die, but he wants to do what’s right. (it’s not healthy. There are so many times when Jack is wrong, etc, and he’ll fight you tooth and nail because he’s a stubborn jackass but he’s not a mentally healthy person)

This also supports my hc that Jack kind of blamed everyone. In that anger, Jack considered everyone at fault, and then sat on that anger and pain for years as he tried to find out what happened. He saw people either get to return to normal life, be forced into mercenary situations, or worse, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it- just try to find out what caused it and expose the people who ruined his life.

“ “Cairo and the world will suffer until we bring them all down! You have to see the bigger picture,” Jack said heatedly. “Are you even hearing yourself? You would never have made this argument before,” Ana said disapprovingly. “The way we do things matters.” “

Jack was the man who believed in saving everyone and Gabe was the bigger picture person, I think. I think Gabe did the dirty work no one else wanted because he saw what needed to be done and got it done for the greater good, even if that meant sometimes morally wrong choices in the moment. Now, Jack sees Hakim and Cairo, he sees the wrongness there and he doesn’t want to get involved because he knows Talon is Hakim’s benefactor and taking out Talon is the only true way to get rid of Hakim.

And we see that as much as he loves Ana, he is still angry and lashes out. He sees the world through a selfish view. He sees it as ‘this needs to get done and I don’t know why you don’t see it my way’ but Ana sees Cairo as she has for the time she’s been gone. Egypt is her home, she can’t see it rot under Hakim. This is her mission.

It was the sort of problem that was never Jack’s strong suit. He preferred two sides, concrete facts, and one clear, unequivocal decision.

In messy situations, Jack finds an answer, and he goes with it. And in a time when almost all his decisions are ‘messy’, Jack often has the moments between Los Muertos escaping and the grenade at Alejandra’s feet. There is what’s important now, and what’s important for the future. Deciding that Alejandra was the most important then, and then agreeing to help with Hakim, Jack is being forced to do what’s right again, and it causes him to fight against the personas of Soldier: 76 and of Strike-Commander. We hear SO much that Jack is stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, but he relents to Ana. He comes back after storming off and helps Ana take down Hakim. Hakim is the grenade at Alejandra’s feet- he cannot ignore his conscience, and here, he also knows he cannot do this without Ana.

“ He had gotten one good night’s sleep since he arrived in Cairo, and it was the first in as long as he could remember “ ...He was uneasy now. Staying in one place for too long was risky, especially now that Gabe would be looking for him. He had to move on.

Also going along with the “Jack just doesn’t stop” vein of characterization. Jack can’t stop. Especially now that Talon is very aware of his presence and that he’s coming after them.

“That’s why it’s a great photo!” laughed Jack.

cute.

So let’s get into Vincent.

Jack is gay, as confirmed by Chu. I have my issues with this reveal like I did with the Christmas comic and Tracer’s reveal. The romantic partner characters are not really, full characters. They’re stand-ins, and they’re not given a whole lot before they’re buried in the story again, but they do their job. Lena is a lesbian, and Jack is gay. This in itself makes me so happy. Because here, in this whole update, we are given a Manly Man’s Man in Jack- except that we learn he’s a deeply emotional man, struggling with trauma and mental health issues, and is so far from the picture so many people might have of a gay man. Like Lena, he isn’t defined by his sexuality, it’s just a part of him. Which is what we want. Yes, again, I have my issues with the reveal, but in the end, and if I’m deeply honest with myself, I’m happy that two mainstay characters in this game are irreversibly, wholly, completely confirmed inside and out as SAGA, and I’m happy that Jack is given that identity as someone who was open about it. Ana apparently knew Vincent well enough that she recognizes him from an old photo.

But in that vein, we get the fact that they’re separated, and that once upon a time Jack “I’ll never stop fighting” Morrison wanted to settle down in the quiet life with his then-boyfriend, and openly talked about that, at least with Ana if not others. Again, we’re given the image that Jack as a younger man was a very openly emotional, connected, and caring figure. Someone who loved the people he was close to dearly and showed that.

“At least you and Gabe managed to have families.”

Another one of those hcs I’m ding-ding at, Jack did not really engage in relationships as Strike-Commander. Whether or not he tried we don’t know, but he didn’t ‘manage’ to have a family, or connections beyond platonic love for people like Ana, and Gabe, and likely others. But it also ties into that resentment and anger he’s been nursing for so long. It’s not a kind remark. Not mean or hateful, just, kind of unnecessary.

“I just thought my mask was scary.” Jack smiled.

What a fucking dork.

In all. I’m happy. I’m so happy to see Jack confirmed as gay, I’d love to know more about Vincent, I’d love to see where this all goes, and I love that we have a continuation, more lore for Ana, and more personality for both of them- seeing these softer sides of the ghosts.

That being said, I’m happy with the s76 lore we have. I love him, he’s my dude, but we need lore on literally anyone else. I would be happy if their story was either on pause for the next however long or working in the background while other characters got their stories and their time in the spotlight. I want to see Zen, Lucio, Zarya, the Junkers. They need to be fleshed out. They need to be fully realized.

[your-art-is-gay]

Meet The Writer

1. What’s your oldest WIP, and how old is it? What inspired you to start it?

My oldest WIP that’s still currently in motion is my main one, The Academy. It turned two years old September 22 (ahh!!)

I got the idea when my dad (also a writer) suggested a school with a bunch of magical creatures living in tandem, instead of a magic school specifically for like wizards or whatever. I thought it sounded very interesting, so I took a couple of character’s I’d made before and started writing!

(Fun fact, a few of the main characters in the Academy were originally from a Percy Jackson fanfiction about demigods with fears that greatly contradicted their powers! Paris was a son of Aphrodite who was terrified of falling in love, and Kieran was a son of Hecate who despised magic! Early drafts of the Academy had very heavy influence from Greek Mythology as well, up until I decided that I really didn’t want it to be so similar to Percy Jackson and created my own mythos instead.)

2. What’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to writing?

I tend to overanalyze, well, everything in my writing. One of the worst feelings is when I think of something really clever and then I discover that it opens up a plot hole in an earlier portion. Oh well, that’s what revisions are for, right? *gross sobbing*

3. What scene did you enjoy writing the most out of all your WIPs? What scene did you enjoy writing the least?

Ooohhh, that’s a good question. Frankly, I’m not entirely sure. I definitely really like the quiet, romantic scenes, because I’m a total sap and I don’t get to write many of those.

As for the one I liked the least, well… One of my main characters has been through some pretty traumatic shit in their past, and partway through the book they have a nightmare and completely break down, and gods I hated writing that. It hurts me so much to put them through that.

4. What’s your favorite trope?

Well, I have a lot of them. I really like characters who are done with everything and everyone and only go along with the crazy shit that happens to them because they have to. Like, they’ll let the plot drag them around but by the gods they’re kicking and dragging their heels along the way. I also really like casual fourth-wall breaking, Gilligan cuts, and the *thing happens and two characters in the background exchange money* tropes.

5. Which of your protagonists do you relate to the most?

Well, I have a character that’s very heavily based off of me―and who also shares my name. Although, while they were written with the intention of being somewhat of a self-insert, they’ve grown and changed as a character so much now that we really aren’t alike anymore. Frankly, I’m not entirely sure. I’d probably say Nick just for simplicity’s sake, but I don’t really know.

6. What is the worst writing experience you’ve ever had with another writer, anywhere, since you’ve started writing?

I don’t really talk to people in general. I don’t think I can recall a negative experience with another writer, actually.

7. What character from a famous story, book/movie/comic/game, or otherwise, do you despise the most? Why?

Severus motherfucking Snape. I have so many reasons for hating him.

He was an abusive, racist prick who got pissed when his female friend wasn’t romantically interested in him, called her a racist name when she tried to help him, and fucked off to join the wizard Nazis.

He only defected over to the good side because he was still obsessed with Lily and was afraid of her being murdered.

He literally asked Voldemort to spare Lily so he could be with her―sure, kill the year-old infant and the man she actually loves, but no, keep her alive so I can force my love on her.

Despite being a supposedly “good” guy, he mentally abused his students for years, so much so that he even became Neville Longbottom’s worst fear.

Neville Longbottom, who frequently goes to see his essentially braindead parents and is alluded to being able to remember when they were tortured so badly that they became that way, was tormented so badly by Snape that he became Neville’s worst fear.

Upon finding the Potter house after the were killed, he completely breezes past James’ body, ignored the wailing and bleeding child in the crib, just to hold Lily’s body and weep over how he never got to sleep with her.

He has an unreasonable hatred for Harry just because Harry looks like James.

He was so salty about something that happened when they were children (that wasn’t even Lupin’s fault, by the way) that he outed Lupin as a werewolf and forced him to resign, depriving Hogwarts of the only good DADA teacher it ever had.

And yet, despite all of this, he is given a redemption arc. He is considered a redeemable character, when Draco Malfoy, a literal child who was tortured and abused for a good portion of his life and had very little of a say in most of his awful choices, “doesn’t have a heart of gold.”

Snape is seen as a romantic, selfless guy by a good portion of the fandom because…he was obsessed with a girl who wanted nothing to do with him? Because of a throwaway line where he proclaimed he would always be obsessed with a girl who wanted nothing to do with him?

It’s bad enough that the fans think this, but the books treat it like this as well!! SNAPE, of all people, gets a redemption arc―if you can even call those bullshit excuses that. I, for one, am thoroughly sick of abusive characters getting redeemed.

(Sorry for ranting, I have a lot of feelings about this.)

8. What’s your favorite line of dialogue you’ve ever written?

Most of my characters are sarcastic little shits, so that’s really hard to say.

9. Who’s the worst character you’ve ever written, in terms of morality?

Well….hm….  The thing about my characters, particularly my antagonists, is that I do my very best to make them something other than just evil. In their eyes, their bad actions are justified. So, it’s really hard to choose.

My main villain is a very self-righteous, ambitious sort of guy. He’s kinda racist (a lot of older magi in my story just….really don’t like the fae), and thinks that the magi (magical folk) are superior. BUT, instead of wanting to take over the world or anything, he just wants to leave. Long story short, the magi are originally from another dimension, and it’s there that he wants to return them. Unfortunately, this other dimension is presumed to have been destroyed, and even if it is there, opening a rift to go there could potentially completely destroy our world. He doesn’t care about that, though―after all, it’s only humans and dirty fae that would die.

The only other character I can think of is the one I just really hate. Like, she just oozes evil and I kind of love to write her, because I don’t really have any other characters that have that slick evil personality. But she’s a pretty terrible person too. Her twin brother was taken by the fae as an infant, a changling left in his place. The changeling doesn’t know that yet―but she does.

Their entire life, she’s blamed him for why she doesn’t have her actual brother. She pretends like she loves him, but the entire time she’s been emotionally abusing him and making him constantly feel like crap about himself. She’s even physically abused him, by taking iron and burning him whenever she can get away with it.

I think she’d probably be the worst.

10. Do you prefer happy endings or bad endings? Or do you prefer the middle ground?

Definitely good endings. I can appreciate well-written bad endings, but only after I get over my initial emotional response to it. Sometimes, that takes me a while―like Swarm by Scott Westerfeld. I read that almost a year ago and I’m still fucking pissed. I’m just not really a fan of endings that leave a bad taste in my mouth. (One of the reasons I chose to reread Huck Finn for English instead of doing Of Mice And Men, despite the fact that I kind of loath Huck Finn.)

I’m also aware that not all stories can have feel-good endings, and in many of them, those types of endings just don’t make sense. *squints at the end of Mockingjay*

But, in general, I greatly prefer good endings.