#also i haven't been using tag list for this because i assume most people follow me for eddie

[ghost-proofbaby]

“Do not,” he whispers to her in a low tone, face still impassive as he presses himself just close enough so that she’s the only one that can hear him, “Get involved in this. Unless, of course, you’re going to swing on one of the poor saps. In that case, I fully support you, my dear.” 

summary: when the party finally encounters a proper fight, aruna only has one thing on her mind: save astarion. and if she finally starts to piece together a few things about herself and her magic, well - that can't possibly hurt, can it?

wc: 5.3k+

warnings: continued memory loss, fighting, spoilers for the game (play by play description of scenes from emerald grove in act 1), aruna and astarion can't decide if they'll play nice with each other or not lol

a/n: this fic is about to be just a constant cycle of aruna taking a spray bottle to astarion as her weird way of trying to keep him alive truly

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Aruna is beginning to believe the tadpole in her head was the least of the inconveniences she’d had to encounter on her journey.

When they’d left camp for the day, they’d have a very straightforward objective: discover a form of civilization, find a healer, and get the damned worms out of their heads. 

Simple. Easier said than done, but certainly simple. 

Or so she thought. 

It starts when they’re wandering the trails of the wilderness leading out of camp. They’re not going towards the beach this time, she promises Shadowheart that much, but what they come across is far worse than having to face off with anymore intellect devourers. 

Actual people. Tieflings, Gale identifies, who had a familiar githyanki held high above them in a cage. 

Aruna would never say she has a bleeding heart based on her choices so far on their journey, but she still doesn’t hesitate to decide to help the githyanki. Shadowheart confirmed she was on the ship, with much distaste, and made it clear she wasn’t keen on helping her. Aruna didn’t care. Astarion also seemed less than pleased at the prospect of helping, but his hands were twitching for his daggers, and she realized he’d only kept his mouth shut due to the clear opportunity for a fight to break out. 

Gale had been the only one on her side as she’d approached the situation. 

One painful merging of her tadpole to the githyanki’s (although, notably less painful than her connection with Gale, and certainly less agonizing than that with Astarion) and a failed attempt at diffusing the situation in hopes for no blood to be shed later, Astarion got his wishes. A fight. That they’d won, quite easily. Whether it was thanks to Gale’s quick trigger of his magic or Astarion’s flashing daggers was up for debate (it wasn’t really – she just couldn’t bear to boost either man’s ego by saying as much out loud.)

Lae’zel. The githyanki’s name was Lae’zel, and Aruna didn’t hesitate to dismiss her in the direction of their camp, much to everyone’s disdain. 

Aruna didn’t care. She had an end goal in mind for the day – she was going to find a healer, daylight be damned. 

“I still don’t trust the gith,” Shadowheart is continuing to complain at her side as they trek further along these paths. There are paths. Leading somewhere. And those tieflings had mentioned something about a grove. There had to be civilization somewhere nearby, “I respect your choice, but I’ll continue to sleep with one eye open with her at camp.”

“Be my guest,” Aruna mutters, growing tired of the complaints. 

She gets it – she has no former memories on how ‘distrustful’ githyankis are, but Shadowheart has made it abundantly clear they shouldn’t drop their guard around her. She got it about ten damning sighs and wistful comments ago. 

“And how are we to trust all her talk of purification? What if it’s nothing more than a trap, luring us in to lead us to certain death?” Shadowheart tsks, voicing a lingering concern that Aruna already had. But that bit of information that Lae’zel had offered was the first real lead they had on getting rid of the tadpoles, and she wasn’t about to dismiss it as Shadowheart was, “We simply can’t tr-”

“I’d hate to interrupt, but may I have a word with our fearless leader? I’ll only be a moment, I swear.”

Astarion had been lingering towards the back of the group for most of their walk. Quiet, occasionally humming to himself and smirking at others' comments here and there. Less out of real amusement, Aruna senses, and more in a belittling way. 

But suddenly, he had picked up his pace and fallen into step on Aruna’s left, leaning over and looking to the cleric who had been complaining endlessly on her right. 

Shadowheart, surprisingly, takes the hint well. 

The moment she’s fallen back to join Gale instead, probably still airing her superficial issues, Aruna is shooting a glance in Astarion’s direction. “If you’re here to say you also don’t trust Lae’zel, please just- save it for when we’re back at camp, please.” 

She doesn’t think her headache could handle anymore. 

“What? Oh, no,” Astarion scoffs, scrunching his nose for a moment, “I could care less about the gith. I just knew if Shadowheart’s yapping was getting on my nerves, you must be in desperate need of a break.”

Yapping. It was a cruel way to put it, but it still made a smile nearly break on Aruna’s face. 

“What was it you needed to discuss, then?” she asks, a little less on edge now. 

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“As I said, it just seemed as though we all needed a break from talk of the gith.”

That was… oddly kind. Even if Astarion had clearly done it in part for his own sanity, Aruna found herself appreciating the gesture regardless. 

They walk in silence for a while. Only a few mutters escape from Gale and Shadowheart from behind them, but Aruna chooses to block them out. With Astarion at her side now instead, she was able to better focus on leading them somewhere useful. Somewhere with answers, somewhere with a healer-

She should have known the peace wouldn’t last. 

Shouts sound up ahead, but the entire group’s view is entirely blocked from a large hill. 

“That doesn’t sound good,” Astarion notes the obvious, offering a quick side glance, as if observing Aruna’s own reaction to guarantee it aligned with his own. 

And it did. Well, sort of. “We should check it out.”

The entire group stares at her as if she’s finally grown tentacles. 

“We’ll be careful about it, obviously-”

“Obviously,” Astarion cuts in sarcastically.

“-But I have a feeling wherever that yelling is coming from, is… is…” 

Civilization? A step in the right direction?

“A healer,” she finally settles on it, which only makes everyone’s faces twist even further at her, “The shouting must mean people, and the more people, the higher likelihood of a healer.”

That seems to convince them all well enough. 

They creep up the hill and easily break off into natural pairings – Astarion stays at Aruna’s side as they find a hiding place in bushes near the hill’s peak, Gale and Shadowheart find a safe spot behind a tree on the opposite side, a bit further back. 

In the clearing below, Aruna spots the commotion easily. Three people – seemingly human – banging on a large wooden gate covered in vinery. At the top of the gate, there stands multiple tieflings, all arguing besides a large wheel that Aruna can only presume opens the gate.

And she can finally hear the words being shouted.

“Open the bloody gate! Goblins are coming!”

She feels Astarion tense beside her, clearly hearing what she had. Goblins. She can’t exactly visualize them, her memory predictably failing her once more, but she doesn’t have to wait long before the horde shows themselves. 

A large group. Foul creatures of all kinds, not just these goblins, are snarling in the direction of those humans. 

Finally, as if seeing were truly believing, a tiefling begins to open the gate. But Aruna already knows it’s far too late before the arrow that ends him has flown through the air – they had hesitated, and it just cost one of their own their life. 

The gate drops, despite the humans efforts to hold it up. The tiefling falls, a scream echoing from someone nearby. 

And amongst it all, as Aruna’s heart begins to race at the action, a realization strikes her. 

P.S. DO NOT FORGET – SAVE ASTARION. 

She hadn’t been sure of what to do with that in the last day, when they weren’t in danger. When it was nothing more than brains with legs and small bickering amongst the camp so far that posed the most threat, Aruna couldn’t comprehend why she was supposed to save the elf that clearly had an upper hand with his skilled hands and sharp daggers. 

But here, watching the beginnings of a battle unfold, she understood. 

Maybe this was it. Maybe this was the danger. 

Astarion is hardly a breath of a step ahead of her, crouched into a thicker part of the bush. Closer to the action – closer to the danger. Her hand flies out to land on his bicep without another thought.

“What are you-” he turns to look at her, clearly startled, but she’s determined.

He gets on her nerves. He’s impossible to read at times. She’s pretty sure he’d betray her the moment a better option of safety arose. But the letter said to save him, so save him she shall. 

“Get behind me,” she commands in a low voice, leaving no room for argument.

He still finds the space to argue. Of course he does. 

“Excuse me? I am not-” he begins to hiss at her, but he’s cut off when one of those wretched goblins have climbed to the top of the hill. 

They were only looking for higher ground, but Aruna isn’t quite as well-hidden as the rest of them. 

“Well, well, well,” the goblin snarls, “Thought yourself sneaky, did ‘ya?” 

She only sees Aruna. Not Gale, not Shadowheart. And most importantly – not Astarion. 

Her hands fly to her daggers just as the goblin reaches onto her back and produces a bow. At the sight of it, Aruna’s stomach plummets. She can hardly wield her daggers against brains – better than someone who’s never held a weapon a day in their life, but not by much. And her daggers are for close fights; that bow will end her life without the goblin having to take so much as another step towards her. 

Aruna has the disadvantage here; Aruna is going to die here. 

She still lets her shaking fingers wrap around the hilt of her dagger, deciding it’s better to go down with a fight rather than simply lay here and die, but then-

The goblin hardly had the time to string her bow, an arrow not even properly secured in it, when two daggers are easily cutting through the skin of her neck. 

Aruna hadn’t even noticed Astarion move, as if he had blended in with shadows she hadn’t seen existing on this hilltop. One moment, he’d been beside her, and now he stood behind the goblin, holding on for an extra moment before he let the lifeless body drop. 

“You expect me to believe I should allow you to protect me,” he nearly spits out, looking at her less in anger and more in disbelief, “When you just nearly got yourself killed.”

“I had it under contro-” she starts to argue back, but she cuts herself off when she looks over his shoulder. Most of the goblins and other creatures are focused on the four humans below, a new helping hand having joined them as he blasts his foes with red strikes that resemble lightning, but across the way stands a goblin with his eyes narrowed right at Aruna and Astarion. He’s quick, his arrow firing off in their direction just as Aruna notices him, “Duck!”

For once, Astarion doesn’t argue. Thank the Nine Realms. 

He drops to the ground with perfect timing, the arrow narrowly missing his back before it pierces the ground just beside Astarion’s splayed hand. 

In his shock, Aruna makes an easy decision. 

Fuck the daggers. 

Her magic still burns in her veins, humming gleefully as she calls to it with an outstretched palm and her focus set on the goblin that had sent the arrow in Astarion’s direction.

DO NOT FORGET – SAVE ASTARION. 

It’s the only thing on her mind as she recalls incantations that had fallen from Gale’s lips just the day prior, and she repeats them effortlessly, “Tormentum.” 

In an instant, three red spheres burst from her palm in a straight line, heading straight to the goblin.

They hit him without miss, in the center of his chest, back to back. 

Just as Astarion is rising back to his full height, he witnesses the goblin fall to her magic. His neck nearly snaps with the speed in which he looks back to her, “You have magic? Bloody Hells-”

She ignores his outburst, quickly slipping herself in front of him on the cliff’s edge, making herself all but a meat shield for the quick-footed elf. Most attention continues to evade them, but she’s able to spot the next goblin that has set his sights on them before he has a chance to draw his weapon in their direction. This time, as she outstretches her hand in his direction, she decides to shout a different spell.

“Ignis!” 

She’s more confident this time, power thrumming through her as the familiar bolt of a flame flies from her fingertips and heads straight for their enemy. Her aim is less on par, but it doesn’t matter – even when the flame hits the goblin’s legs rather than chest, the sparks of the magic catch fire to everything around it, effectively burning the goblin to nothing more than ash and bone. 

She can’t tell if her heart is racing with exhilaration of using her magic – magic she knows for sure now that was never learned nor gifted to her by some deity, but is hers entirely – or if it’s from the fear of keeping Astarion safe. 

And he’s making the latter exceptionally more likely when one of the creatures that resemble a distorted wolf finally looks up to them with bloodlust in its eyes, and he’s quick to step out from behind her. 

“No,” she gasps, turning to him just long enough that when she looks back, the animal is already clambering up the stones, nearly arriving to them, “Astarion, do not-”

All at once, it feels as though she loses control of her magic. As though it’s reached such extensive heights that her grasp on it slips, and between that and her swirling emotions, she has no control over what happens next. 

Her mind is a mess. Between the power, the worry of this being what she was meant to be saving Astarion from, the anxiety of him no longer being behind her so that she could fool herself into thinking she might be capable of shielding him – it’s a mess. 

Not a single incantation has to fall from her lips when the magic erupts from her, turning the innocent plants around them into enchanted greenery. Viscous vines, glowing as they ensnare both the creature clambering up to them and Aruna. 

They should have ensnared Astarion too. She thinks they’ve done as much until she watches him dart down to where the animal is one step below, and his daggers find deathly purchase in its fur. 

Blood splatters about the vines that Astarion is still able to avoid somehow, and when he pulls back, the creature falls just as limply as that goblin did. 

He looks up at her, small spatters of the blood marking his cheeks, a smug grin painted across his face, “As you were saying?” 

Damn him. Damn him to the deepest depths of the Hells, and back. 

“I… You…” she can’t finish her snappy comeback, can’t even formulate a proper thought as a sudden drain from her use of magic hits her all at once. The snarling vines still encase her lower half, and her headache blooms so painfully that she fears she might lose consciousness from it. 

The grin is short-lived when he realizes what is inevitably about to happen once her own self-made trap lets her go. 

He’s at her side before the vines have even finished retreating, catching her just before she tumbles over the edge of the small cliff. He yanks her backward, leveraging himself behind her for a moment so that she’s flush his chest before he spins. Suddenly, roles have been reversed. Astarion has become the meatshield, and she doesn’t even have the energy to fight it. 

“Gale,” his voice is stoic as he nearly carries her, “Shadowheart. Be dears and take over for us on the front lines, yes?” 

There’s not much more fight to be had. Between the goblin and creature Astarion had taken down, and the two goblins that Aruna’s magic had fell, the fight is mostly left up to the humans below.

Gale and Shadowheart listen to Astarion regardless. 

He manages to get them to the tree where the other two had been hiding with ease, finally maneuvering her so that she’s leaning against its bark. When she slides down to sit on the ground, it leaves biting scratches that she feels the sting of, even through her clothing. 

“I’m fine,” she gasps out, a clear lie when the edges of her vision were still spotted, “I’m fine, just let me-”

When she goes to stand, he’s quick to press two cold palms on each shoulder. Had he always been so cold? 

“Not so fast, my magical friend,” Astarion tuts, crouching to be eye level with her, “I’m sure the wizard will suffice in ending the bloodbath. He can walk without a helping hand.” 

“I’m fine,” she repeats herself, but it sounds like she’s trying to convince herself more than him. 

At the edge of the hill, Gale is firing off magic missiles, just as Aruna had been. 

Astarion’s entire face goes hard, and she realizes that this may not be a fight she’ll win. His sarcasm is venomous as he says, “Ah, yes. You’re currently the picture of health – impossibly pale in the face, too weak to stand on your own, eyes so dazed I highly doubt you’d be able to tell me how many fingers I’m holding up. Shall I go on?”

Her silence is his answer.

“Now, I’m far more concerned with the fact that you have magic. And lots of it, if we’re to go off of your little display with the vines. When exactly were you planning on sharing that with the class?” 

“Gale and Shadowheart already know,” her vision is finally fully coming back to her, entirely focused on Astarion’s face, centimeters from her own, “It’s not my problem you were more concerned with insulting my mapping skills last night rather than asking more personal questions.” 

“You wound me. Is there nothing more personal than sharpening charcoal for someone who’s deficient with their own daggers?”

“Go to Hell.”

Gods, they were going to end up fighting each other, letter be damned, before she ever figured out the truth behind her mysterious savior quest. Maybe the true meaning was for her to avoid burying her daggers into his chest. Save him from her, it seems. 

Astarion only smiles at her, leaning back, creating distance as his palms fall from her, “I’ve already been, my dear. Can’t say I enjoyed it.”

She rolls her eyes, and it worsens the pounding in her temples, but it’s worth it.

At the most opportune of times, Gale and Shadowheart return back to their sides. Gale is the epitome of worry as he kneels beside her where she continues to sit against the tree trunk, and Shadowheart’s eyes are already examining her for wounds.

“Are you hurt?” Shadowheart’s words come out harsh, but only with concern.

“Never been better.”

“She could have killed us both with those enchanted vines,” Astarion says, although no one certainly asked him.

“I might have some salve back at camp for any rash from the vines-”

“She could have gotten us all killed.” 

Shadowheart is ignoring Astarion with ease as Gale lifts each of her arms methodically, flipping them as if to assure that there really isn’t any injury. 

“That wasn’t my intention,” she whispers, being the only one to acknowledge Astarion even though his anger is clearly directed at her, “I just- I don’t know why my magic did that.”

Gale’s eyebrows shoot up at that, “Did what exactly?” 

Astarion’s glare is hard to ignore, but Aruna manages as she swallows hard and chooses to focus on the wizard offering her far more kindness for the time being.

“I was using incantations – just, I guess I knew them from you, hearing you use them during the fights yesterday. But then, suddenly, I just… I just…”

“Decided that enchanted vines were the solution.”

“I don’t know how I did that, Astarion.” 

She really, really doesn’t. That surge of magic had ripped from her unpredictably, tearing out of her veins as if she couldn’t stop it if she tried. She doesn’t even know what incantation could conjure those dangerous plants.

“Interesting,” Gale murmurs, leaning back on his heel. He looks far less concerned than Aruna feels, “Very interesting, indeed.” 

She’s beginning to recognize that look – the look of a hungry mind. She’s starting to believe that every time it crosses Gale’s face, it’s actually just spelling out trouble for her. 

“You’re not going to elaborate on why it’s all so interesting, are you?” she asks with a sigh, deflating in defeat.

He shakes his head, a smile still on his lips. “Not a chance – not here, at least. Perhaps it’s a better conversation to have at camp.” 

Her eyes dart up to Astarion first, against better judgment considering he still looks to be fairly irritated, and then to Shadowheart. Eventually, though, her line of sight wanders to that gate covered in vines. Normal vines, not magical. 

Whatever that gate was protecting, she’d bet all two gold pieces in her pack that it was a civilization. That there was a healer. 

Her problems could wait.

“Fine,” she says, digging the heels of her palms into the ground and beginning to stand. She doesn’t miss the way Astarion flinches, hands twitching as if readied to catch her despite his angry facade. “Keep your secrets, o’ wise old wizard. For now, I think we have a healer to find.” 

Gale frowns, but over his shoulder, she can see Astarion lose the fight against his amusement in her words. 

At least he still finds her funny, even after she nearly ‘got them all killed’, as he had so eloquently put it. 

—

Emerald Grove. 

It’s an interesting place, to say the least. 

When they approach the gate (after carefully descending down the hill, during which Astarion’s hands continued to stay near Aruna in case of any more fainting episodes), the tiefling manning the wheel above opens it without question for them. They fall into a formation eerily similar to the one they’d approached the fight in – Shadowheart and Gale bringing up the rear, and Astarion sticking to Aruna’s side. He keeps a little distance, but hardly much.

She’s sort of glad that it’s him, of all the companions, that’s choosing to be her shadow. As they walk through the short tunnel to properly enter the grove, he’s the only one to breathlessly laugh as she jokes, “Think we’re about to get a hero’s welcome?” 

She likes his laugh. Painful to admit, but she can’t deny that her heart swells with a specific type of pride when she hears it fall from his lips, even in a whisper. 

Besides, it’s far more encouraging than Gale’s, “I sincerely hope you know what you’re doing.” 

She doesn’t respond to that comment. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. 

One of the tieflings she’d caught sight of fighting during the battle stands just uphill of the entrance, face to face with one of the humans. An obvious new fight is taking place. 

She can feel Gale falter in his steps behind her as she approaches, even Shadowheart slowing in her faithful following. The only person who sticks by her side is Astarion. Probably just eager to see if they can make it worse, really. 

“There are children here, you fool!” 

The tiefling is furious. And it almost frightens Aruna for a second, until she feels that reassuring presence of the elf that had just saved her life at her back. If things go south, she’s sure Astarion will be the first to draw his weapon. Whether it’s for her safety or not, she’s quickly learning that it might benefit her to have a dagger-happy friend on her side. 

“We was running, for our lives.” 

The human is red in his face, voice breathless, still clearly recovering from the fight outside the gate. If Aruna was wise, she’d hang back and not interrupt this argument.

Wisdom isn’t her forte, she guesses. 

“You led them straight to us. And you let them take the druid, too. Unbelievable!” 

Druid? Had the goblins taken any hostages? By the looks of the bloodbath outside, it hadn’t seemed like there were any survivors to take a hostage. 

Astarion closes the space between them even further as she steps up to the plate. She could ask about the druid, point out her astute observation, but her quick tongue works faster than her mind does. 

“One fight just ended, and the two of you are already picking another one?” she questions, eyeing both of them in disbelief, “Relax.” 

Astarion snorts at that. Ever so helpful. 

“Tell that to the dead at the gate,” the tiefling snarks back in a low tone, his glare hardening further on the human before him. 

“Shut it, horns. I’d be lying dead at the gate next to the goblins if you’d stalled any longer.” 

And- well, the human has a point. Aruna has no idea what dynamic is at play here, but the human would have been dead if everyone inside the safety of the gate that had chosen to aid them had put off intervening any sooner. 

She’d also be dead, possibly. Astarion as well. The thought alone sends a shiver of fright up her spine. 

“My duty is to this camp,” the tiefling anger grows to palpable levels, enough that Aruna is carefully taking the slightest step back. 

Unfortunate for her, her shadow seems to be getting more comfortable with impossible closeness. It’s a small step that would’ve gone entirely unnoticed, but her foot finds purchase on top of his as her back brushes in near collision with his chest. She’s quick to glance over his shoulder, expecting some sort of reaction, but he’s still as stone. If her stepping on his foot has caused him even the slightest bit of pain, she can’t see it as his focus remains entirely on the fight in front of them. She even glances down to see that his palm is already hovering over the hilt of one of his daggers. 

Yes, indeed. Having a dagger-happy friend on her side was going to be very beneficial. 

“God forbid you risk your precious tail,” the human sneers, and Gods, she notices all the jabs he’s making endlessly at the other’s race. Low blow after low blow, she’s starting to wonder if these two men even have any sort of alliance to begin with, “But I shouldn’t be surprised. Foulbloods ain’t known for courage.” 

She has no memory nor reason to feel defensive over tieflings. She’s unaware of the deeper history at play. But as far as she knows, tieflings are nothing more than another race in this world that she’s being forced to relearn. Horns and tails, sure, but foulblood? 

It’s as if Astarion can feel her defensiveness beginning to boil beneath the surface. 

“Do not,” he whispers to her in a low tone, face still impassive as he presses himself just close enough so that she’s the only one that can hear him, “Get involved in this. Unless, of course, you’re going to swing on one of the poor saps. In that case, I fully support you, my dear.” 

It’s certainly a tempting idea. Part of her wonders how it would feel to crack her knuckles against the face of the human, to wipe the indignation right off his face. But he has a point. And so does the tiefling. She can’t just pick a side – she can’t just choose given what she knows of the situation.

Aruna is well aware that Astarion’s insistence for her to not get involved is probably to avoid him having to carry any extra load, to have to come to her rescue if her punch doesn’t land. He couldn’t care less about the entire ordeal. It’s not his problem unless Aruna makes it his problem. 

If she doesn’t swing, however, she knows one of the men before her will. She can see it easily in their faces. Both twitching with anger, both buzzing with hatred. She needs to diffuse the situation, and quickly.

In her most persuasive tone she can muster, she interjects, much to Astarion’s disapproval, “More violence won’t bring back those you lost. Stop and think.”

She ends the plea in a bit more desperation than she means to, but only because her mind has begun to run a mile a minute in considering what a fight breaking out between the two might mean.

More danger. More fighting. More possible situations in which she’s supposed to save Astarion. 

“You’re right,” the tiefling’s eyes flicker to her as he sighs, and she’s realized that her words have worked, “There’s too much at stake.” 

“Worried about your precious hides. The both of you.” 

Her words have worked on the tiefling. Not the human, clearly. 

She braces herself as the fight begins to feel just a little too inevitable, and out of reassurance to herself, she decides to glance back down at Astarion’s hand by his dagger. It’s no longer just hovering – he’s fully made contact, fingers curling eagerly around the leather grip. He’s tense as ever, but not with the same anxiety that Aruna is. His tenseness is simply readiness. It dawns on her momentarily that whoever wrote that note to her, whoever tasked her with saving him, is an absolute idiot. It’s becoming abundantly clear with every moment they spend together that Astarion is the one more equipped to save her than she is him. 

She’s so caught up in the thought that she misses the resolution of the argument, some exchange of words that unexpectedly lead to both men walking away. And embarrassingly, she only notices when Astarion’s fingers release his dagger, flexing for a second, before wiggling as if taunting her.

“See something you like?” he practically purrs, suddenly too close for comfort.

She jumps, stepping forward into the new empty clearing before them and giving herself a little space to simply breathe. Shadowheart looks entirely unimpressed when Aruna looks to their companions for help, and Gale only shrugs. 

She spins to face Astarion head on now, trying to even her breathing, “Never. Someone just has to make sure you don’t go on a stabbing spree for your own entertainment.” 

“Oh, mother may I?” he taunts, stepping forward and making her effort of space entirely useless. He’s fast to unsheath a dagger, twirling it in his hand, blade flashing in the sunlight. She knows he’s not going to do anything with it, though. Not when his face melts into something a little more serious, a little more genuine, “You do realize we’ll never find a cure to our little…. problems if you try to involve yourself in every fight we come across?”

Yes. “It might do us well to have a few favors to call in. Just in case.” 

“I highly doubt either of those men would offer us a favor for your interjection.” 

“Guess we’ll just have to find out, won’t we?” 

The tiefling is hanging back, not far off from there, and she senses he’s only staying back for the time being due to the way Astarion still holds his blade, carelessly letting it wave around during their conversation. And she’s starting to sense it’s purposeful on Astarion’s part. 

He presses his lips together tightly as he looks down at her, garnet eyes flashing momentarily before he simply gives in. He’s picking his battles to win the war. “I suppose we will. And I do suppose you’re wanting to talk to that tiefling now, aren’t you?” 

She answers wordlessly with a smile as he sheaths his dagger. He’s learning quickly.

[olderthannetfic]

Hi hi! I have a question and I apologise if it's impertinent but I really didn't have anyone else to ask. I'm new to ao3 and I'm still figuring out how it works. The problem is this- when I look up a character x reader, I'll see the tag included in many works that have oneshots but since it's a side character, more often than not the oneshot for the character hasn't been written and the tag has been there for months. Is it okay to do that or is it tagging something incorrectly? They say they'll write one eventually but they never do, y'know? To me it kind of feels like they're just trying to reach a wider audience but because of this I can't even filter tags and I have to manually search through the book to check if the character is included, especially when the chapters are titled only by numbers :')

Is it okay to tag things in advance like that?

--

Oh boy...

Wattpad refugees do tend to use AO3 "wrong", sometimes in ways that break the rules and sometimes just in ways I find annoying and against typical AO3 culture.

I'm assuming you are coming from Wattpad based on you calling a work or a fic a "book", which is a very, very Wattpad thing to do.

I'm assuming they are coming from Wattpad given the bad behavior you're describing and the fact that they're a x reader writer.

--

So, here's the thing, if you start writing a fic and there's any amount of the actual fic, even if it's pretty short and bad or in a weird format or whatever, it's still a valid fanwork. Most of the time, AO3 leaves it to the author to decide how to tag (aside from a very few things like death threats in the tags or failing to use the required archive warnings).

AO3 won't stop someone from tagging a future pairing that hasn't appeared yet.

--

But "books" of "oneshots" are such an obnoxious Wattpad thing. This is a completely stupid use of AO3 from the "Please send me prompts" part that is usually in there to the way that unrelated fics are smashed together.

It's not against the rules, but it's a crappy use of AO3 befitting of n00bs.

Sadly, old hands at AO3 also make shitty works that are unrelated stories mashed together. They're often a whole set of kinktober fics or something where the trope tags and the ship tags are accurate, but you can't tell which ones go with which ones without searching the whole fic.

We regularly complain about that on here.

--

A much better way to use AO3 is to make a series titled "My x Reader Oneshots" or "All of my kinktober fics" where each separate story is its own work with its own tags.

My assumption is that this person is using the inaccurate tag both to get more eyeballs on their existing work and because they probably take prompts for that ship or something. (I'm basing this on the kinds of things people say on their oneshot books on Wattpad. Maybe they don't actually take prompts since you haven't mentioned it.)

Some people just don't care that they're annoying others and messing up the tags, but I think some actually don't realize how AO3 filtering works and have no idea this behavior is a nuisance.

On a lot of sites, both Wattpad and algorithm-driven social media, unless a post/work is very popular, it disappears out of sight. Even an inaccurate tag doesn't do that much.

On AO3, one is getting a full list of everything with the tag, going back however far. It's a library catalogue for which you should use accurate data. But this writer is probably thinking of tags more as advertising and a way to get their name out there so readers can follow them pre-emptively. They mean to write the ship in the future, so it's not really inaccurate... (And, tbh, if it were a single work and the ship just hadn't appeared yet, I would agree with them even though those are frustrating too.)

--

So no, they should not do this.

But it's not actually against the rules.

I would mute the annoying people who do this.

[the-whispers-of-death]

hi, Ive been writing and want to post fics in the future and I saw your post about tagging fics correctly. I’m not super knowledgeable on that could you give some examples on how to correctly tag fics? and then especially with dark fics, smut, fluff etc. as well?? sorry if you’ve already posted something about it I couldn’t find it ☺️

I haven't really made a post on how to properly tag posts (I say posts instead of fics because I'm talking strictly about Tumblr writings and not Ao3 works) but I'll do it now!

(NOTE: This post became so long that I'm too lazy to go through fully and edit it. So beware of any typos.)

How to Properly Tag Your Posts:

So I'm assuming that you already know how to tag posts in general. There's a section at the bottom of the post where it says "add tags to help people find your post" and you can just add up to 30 tags.

It's recommended that you at least have five tags, as the first five (I believe it's five, I'm going based off of memory of me seeing that somewhere) are specifically used to push your post out into the Tumblr world for everyone to see. That's not to say you can't use more than five, it's just that five is like the minimum you should use if you want people to see your posts.

Onto how to properly tag your posts.

How To Properly Tag "x reader" Posts:

First, I will be talking about how to properly tag your posts using the example x reader posts (because this issue was the start of this entire thing).

If you're writing with a female reader in mind (ie you use she/her pronouns to refer to the Reader or you use feminine terms ((good girl, wife, girlfriend, waitress, queen))), you should tag your post as female reader. Now there's many different ways you can tag it as female reader:

fem!reader

fem reader

female!reader

female reader

f!reader

f reader

x fem!reader

x female reader

x f!reader

There's also tagging it as "(Character) x female reader" (any of the female reader variations listed above). "(Character)" is just used in place for the character in which the reader is romancing/in a romance with. Just input whatever character is being romanced and voilà!

For example, if you wrote a Simon "Ghost" Riley fic with a female reader, you can tag it: "simon ghost riley x female reader" or "simon ghost riley x fem!reader".

(NOTE: I believe the use of capitalization ((or lack thereof )) is key to posts being tagged correctly and showing up in that specific tag, simply because after posting, any tag that I've had something capitalized is lowercase when posted. I don't know if this truly makes a difference, but I try my best to just do lowercase when tagging anyways.)

Now for any other reader (male reader and gender neutral reader), the same thing applies but with those variation of male reader tags and gender neutral reader tags: male reader, mreader, m!reader, gender neutral reader, gnreader, gn!reader.

How to Properly Tag Dark Fic Posts:

Now tagging for dark fics! Here are the most common tags I see when seeing properly tagged dark fics. (Before I scroll.)

dark fic

darkfic

dead dove

dead dove do not eat

tw: (input whatever trigger here)

cw: (input whatever content warning here)

Not a lot, but again, I don't read a lot of dark fics. I'll expand on trigger warning (tw) and content warning (cw) tags because I know how I worded that might be confusing.

So for example, say you're writing something with stalking. You'd tag it as "tw: stalking" or "cw: stalking". So basically anything you feel like you need to warn readers ahead of time before they go further into the post, you tag it using trigger warning or content warning followed by that thing.

Also, I believe it's good to add content/trigger warnings onto the post itself as well as tagging it with the content/trigger warnings. Just so that those who like dark fics can see what is in the post instead of looking in the tags (if the post is very long and doesn't have a "read more" thing, then a reader will have to scroll all the way down just to see the tags).

How to Properly Tag Smut and Fluff:

And lastly, we'll be talking about to properly tag smut and fluff. (Because there's also a problem in the COD fandom where smut isn't properly tagged.)

When tagging a smutty fic, it's important to not only tag it as smut, but also to tag what you may see in the post. (Similar to dark fics, but you don't have to put tw/cw in the tag.)

Examples of this would be:

tw: smut (I know I said you don't have to put tw/cw, but I do this tag simply just to cover my bases)

smut

bottom reader

bottom male reader

top reader

top male reader

sub reader

sub male reader

dom reader

dom male reader

x bottom reader

x bottom male reader

x top reader

x top male reader

x sub reader

x sub male reader

x dom reader

x dom male reader

(input whatever is being done in the post ((ie: oral)))

I'm going to stop there, because if I continue, the list will be very long and I've covered the gist of it. (Hopefully).

Now, again, I recommend also labeling in the post what's going on in the post, just because I know from personal experience that I don't really check the tags (until I've hit something where I'm like "is this tagged correctly, because this post should fall under my tagging filter) and it's just so nice to know what type of reader (bottom/top or sub/bottom) the post is written for.

Now for fluff, it's easier because you can just tag it as "fluff" or "sfw". Not much needs to be done for tagging fluff. You can just tag it as fluff.

Some More Things of Note:

I have two more things to talk about. The first being the "read more" feature.

The "read more" feature can be put on your post when you start a new paragraph/start writing your post, as a whole set of options appear when you make a new paragraph/click on the "type here" when staring writing. (At least on web you can do that. On mobile, the read more feature is down at the bottom, right below where you can enter the tags.)

The "read more" symbol looks like this (and it's the same symbol on both mobile and web):

(Forgive my terrible screenshot abilities.)

Just click that symbol and it'll have a squiggly line with the words "keep reading" in between (and after posting it'll just appear as the words). The reason to use this post is when you have a very long post, as it will help others when they stumble upon your post while searching in a particular tag.

The last thing I wanted to talk about was the content label of post.

You find content label at the bottom right next to post (when you're on the web) or at the top right next to post when you click the meatball menu (when you're on mobile). The default is set to "For Everyone" but you can change it to mature (and select why it's mature, either for sexual themes, violence, or drug and alcohol addiction). Changing the content label of your post to mature can help give an extra security measure in addition to tagging your post.

So say you're writing a dark fic or smut, you can choose to change it to mature for violence (for a dark fic) or change it to mature for sexual themes (for smut). Just toggle on whichever you feel best fits the post and if the reader has that specific content hidden, it'll hide the post.

Anyways, that's all I can think of right now. I hope this post helped you!

(EDIT: I can't believe I wrote this post and forgot to talk about angst! Anyways, I hope whoever asked this is still reading this post, so they can know this answer.

So for angst, I'd follow the same steps for tagging dark fics with the tags being: tw: angst (again just to cover my bases), angst, and then input whatever tw/cw you want.

Again, I'd also label it on post that it has angst and then the content warnings for said angst.)

[echoweaver]

Like a bunch of others have said, I have been nervous about making a simblr gratitude post because I'll almost certainly leave someone out, and that hurts. I guess I'll start with the disclaimer:

I read everyone I follow. I can't read every post, but I don't keep anyone on my dash who I haven't made a conscious decision to put there. If you've seen a like or a comment from me, I'm reading you, and I'm doing it because I like what you post.

And I appreciate a lot of simblrs I don't follow too. I've had to choose not to follow several who I'd like to follow, simply because of the above -- I read the folks I follow, and I can't let my follow list get too big for me to handle.

I also have a long list of story tags I follow specifically for stories that have a chronology that matters. I use XKit Rewritten on my browser to keep a list of unread posts by tag so that I don't miss posts from long-running stories.

OK, that said, and in no particular order...

@anamoon63 I have enjoyed the heck out of Alan Wilson's wild life. You're one of the reasons I'm poking at TS4 now. I also have gotten attached to Dale Cho and Kelly. They have so much personality.

@treason-and-plot I was intimidated by the complexity of your story for quite a while before I really started to dig in, but I couldn't stay away. You have so many characters! And so many plot threads! And they all weave together into a tangle of personalities that feel all too real.

@kimmiessimmies I'm still just getting to know your characters, but they're so vivid. As I've said in the comments, I really appreciate that Sadie and her entourage are mostly emotionally mature people who are working through their problems in reasonable ways. Characters don't have to be shallow or dumb to find themselves in drama, but it's a challenge to write mature ones.

@bearphase I got sucked in by Clem. Orange has got to be one of, if not the most challenging NSB generation, and you aced it. I've been invested ever since.

@rebouks You sucked a character all the way to rock bottom, and then he climbed out with hope and integrity and took everyone nearby out with him. I'm still not sure how you made such a dark story so warm and friendly.

@zosa95 I always smile when your characters show up on my dash. You're a warm presence in the community and a good storyteller. And your screenshots somehow manage to be extra endearing.

@greenplumbboblover I've never seen someone try to tell a soap opera of all of Sunset Valley. I'm getting a fresh look at characters who almost never get the spotlight. It's so much fun.

@mosneakers What can I say? I'd snatch Coraleye away from her boy if I had a chance.

@danjaley I can only imagine the kind of work that goes into the McCarrics. Reading their story makes me feel like a fly on the wall of real moments of a Scottish landed farmer's life. I've also snatched up a lot of your cc for my own projects.

@declaration-of-dramas You have such a beautifully staged historical setting, and your characters are so wild. I miss Lady Prilly, but this new story you're telling in San Pineda has already caught me.

@natolesims Your NSB has so much personality. Grey is a lot of fun. I hope we'll see Tiana soon. Ella's story really gripped me, and Tiana's was shaping up to be just as intense. Plus, your Disney simalikes are spot on.

@oasislandingresident You're a big reason why I discovered I like longer lifespans! I fell into the all-to-common trap of assuming everything had to be generational. You can discover very different stories when you give sims more space to live.

@pudding-parade You make some of the prettiest sims I have ever seen. I've downloaded about half a dozen worlds from your world reviews, and I'm not even sure what I'm going to do with them.

@queeniecook I can't wait to meet Vera and Caleb's baby. You've got us all in suspense. Your story is such a fun combination of adventure, intrigue, and domesticity. Also, so many pregnancy photo shoots. 😆

@nocturnalazure Last on this list but not least, I think your story is the first one I found on tumblr that I became a passionate fan of. I honestly think in another universe it would be a great TV adventure drama. I jump whenever I see something new on the tteot tag. Thanks for the story.

Thanks to everyone, and to the folks I've forgotten and will feel guilty about later. 😅

[ao3statistics]

AO3 is getting rid of 'All Media Type' for fanfictions and that's going to include DC/ Batman fics

My new most popular post is also a list. — Already sent a whole essay on this to support,... (tumblr.com)

Thanks for the info! I've followed up on your message and looked into it a little more and it seems to be true that Ao3 has been dismantling "All Media Type" tags in all fandoms whenever possible and one after one for quite some time now.

It will take some time before they get to the massive ones like Batman and DCU I assume but it is happening.

While Ao3 has some valid arguments for doing so, a lot of problems (obviously) arise with this course of action.

I won't go into this further in this post because you can read all about it in the post mentioned above but I checked the Batman fandom and several very new "fandoms" like "Batman/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (DCU Comics/IDW Comics)" and "Batman: Urban Legends (DC Comics)" are still incorporated into the DCU metatag as well as the "Batman – All Media Type" tag. There might be new fandoms connected to DC that haven't been incorporated to All Media Type tags of course but at least for the Batman tags this seems to not be an issue YET.

The more people complain about this to Ao3 directly though, the bigger the chances of Ao3 reconsidering their current course of action.

Copied from the post mentioned above by @pipermca (because I couldn't say it better):

"Contact AO3 (using the Feedback and Support page) and let them know (nicely) that you think this is a horrible idea. Give them some examples on how you use the All Media Types tag to find stories to read, or to help you tag a story. People outside of the Transformers fandom don't always appreciate how absolutely tangled the continuities can be with each other, and providing examples might help them see why this would be a really messy change."

Also, a direct reply from Ao3 to user @pinkaxolotl85 (thank you for sharing):

And for what it's worth: Since I don't use the "All Media tags" for my searches and compiling of data this will at least not affect the results for this blog (if I search a ship or freedom tag I search all the fandoms on Ao3 because I don't limit the search to a fandom). That's probably not what concerns most people about this thing but since this is a blog based on Ao3 tags I feel the need to mention it.

[thelaughingmerman]

I would love to hear your LCA headcanons!

Hi! I wasn't ignoring this ask I'm so sorry I 10000 percent just plain forgot it was in here (I think I opened it first on my phone while out and about and said "Oh fun!! I will answer this at home!" And that was when I forgot.)

I had a couple posts but I can't find them because I don't know what tagging is. Here are some things I do remember. Under a readmore because I wrote too much, spaced them all out with bullet marks:

-Freya is a lesbian, but not currently seeing anyone. She works A LOT. And spends a lot more time at the Station than she really needs to (though she's not Duke levels of bad). She's very dedicated to and loves her job, but it's a very stressful position. It's tiring a lot but she wouldn't give it up for the world.

-Clemmons is bi and lives with his partner. Like most everyone at the station, he works a 24 on, 48* off shift. He spends a lot of time exploring the city on off time. He's great with directions, and people person who usually remembers little details about friends and family they may have mentioned once in passing. This (coupled with his tendency to excel when given a task he's good at) made him the perfect candidate to tackle Freya's unique form of firefighting (it’s part of the reason she chose him for her team, and why she started sending him to get her wild list of firefighting supplies). While sort of bad at managing his own anxiety, he's really good at helping others manage theirs. He likes video games a lot too!

-Bob is questioning his gender and sexuality. He didn't know there were so many labels and now he's very confused. He doesn't have to figure it out right away. While he works the 24/48 schedule as well, he's most likely to give extra hours where necessary. Spends a chunk of his off days at the gym. Loves dogs and would like a dog of his own but with that schedule he knows it wouldn't be fare to the dog even with a sitter.

-Carol is a single mom. Her ex doesn't stay in touch and it's just fine for them really. As of last Christmas their family has grown by 2 (Guinea Pigs). Both Carol and Maddie really consider Mayor Fleck like family to them. Fleck isn't good with words on that sort of thing but he is very fond of them, yes. Fleck is a practical man, and this extends to gifts. The Christmas following the events of 'Small Carol' he gave Maddie her own 'special mayor pen' with her name on it. She loves it and keeps it safe in the box it came in when she's not using it.

-Frankie had a gallery show for his art once! He invited Duke, mostly so he could see his first collaboration piece, a self portrait with tire tracks across it. (Frankie Lupelli and Duke DeTain, Self Portrait with Tire Tracks, Mixed Media Acrylics on Canvas with LEGO Brand Tire)

-Big Betty is very close with her family. She has two young nieces (9 and 6) who she often babysits. Sometimes Hank will come hang out with her and her nieces too. They let the girls paint their nails and do their makeup and hair. The pair also actually go get their nails done together sometimes. Frankie has joined them on occasion. Vinnie came once but he complained.

-Hacksaw is gender-neutral and has no preference of pronouns.

-Wheelie is a gay trans man (and would really like to be called Wheelie like for the love of god why aren't we using this man's name, that's not a headcanon I'm just annoyed).

-Billy's cat (from Billy the Bug, we never see this cat again but Anne says he can keep it I have to assume this thing is still in the house) LOVES Mark. Mark has yet to fully come around but he has been caught once or twice patting the cat's head (like one small, barely even making contact) when it jumps onto the arm rest of his chair. Sanitizer used immediately after, but hey, baby steps.

This got wordy I'm so sorry I'll stop there for now.

I haven't researched what it's like elsewhere but here in America a lot of stations do a 24 on- 48 off schedule. Where teams work a full 24 hour day, then have two days off. I've made this the case for LCA as well?

[middleearthpixie]

Damaged Goods ~ Chapter Forty-One

Author's Note: Just a reminder that this story takes place following the events of the miniseries Stay Close and will contain spoilers.

Updates to this story will be slower than usual because I've been dealing with the death of a close relative and haven't been able to write much. But there is still some story left and it will get written/posted - I'm just not entirely certain when. Thank you so much for understanding. 💜

Title: Damaged Goods

Fandom: Stay Close

Pairings: Ray Levine x OC female Theodora (Theo) Bailey

Summary: Following the events of Stay Close, Ray Levine has come to the US to begin a new life and is staying with Theo Bailey, the friend of a friend, who is quickly becoming his best friend and Ray is starting to wonder if there isn’t something more there between them.

Like Ray, Theo has her own demons and although she wonders the same thing about Ray, fear of repeating past mistakes keep her from moving forward. Or do they? Somehow, these two damaged people will come together and discover that maybe—just maybe—second chances are worth the risk.

Theo’s first night in England is anything but restful… and not in the good way.

Warnings: None

Rating: T

Word Count: 2,727

Tag List: @tschrist1 @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @bitter-sweet-farmgirl @linasofia @fizzyxcustard @legolasbadass @kibleedibleedoo @xxbyimm @ocfairygodmother @exhausted-humxn-being @shalinizhara @rachel1959 @laurfilijames @sketch-and-write-lover @sherala007 @enchantzz @knitastically

If you’d like to be added (or removed) to the tag list, please just let me know!

Previous chapters can be found here and AO3

After Fester left, Theo signed as she sank into the soft leather sofa and leaned her head back. It was barely eight o’clock, but she felt as if she’d been awake for at least a week straight. From her vantage point, she watched Ray at the sink, washing up what few dishes they’d used. His back was to her, and she sighed at the sight. He looked amazing in Levi’s, his dark red tee shirt stretched tight across his shoulders. It made trying to stay awake a little less of a fight.

He seemed far more comfortable since they’d landed on English soil, more relaxed. At least here, he could let what happened with Scott fade into his past, just as the bruise on his jaw finally faded after nearly a month.

“You still awake out there?” he called without looking over his shoulder.

“Barely, but yes.”

The taps squeaked as he shut the water off and he turned, drying his hands on a dishtowel. “Why don’t we go up and try to get some sleep?”

“It’s like, ten after eight.”

He came into the living room and caught her by the hands to pull her to her feet. “And we’ve been up since yesterday morning. That’s what? Thirty-six hours? And I know you didn't sleep on the plane, so, you’ve got to be just about done in.”

“I am and done in doesn’t even begin to describe it.” She let him drag her up, then sagged against him. “I’m beyond beat.”

“Come on. A warm, comfortable bed awaits you, along with a warm, comfortable man.”

“Oh, I like how that sounds.”

“I thought you might.” He pressed a kiss into the top of her head, then stepped back to catch her hand. “Come along, love.”

He led her up the narrow staircase (were all English staircases this narrow?) and down the short hallway to the master bedroom, which was larger than the one she’d slept in back in New Jersey. Like below, two walls—behind and alongside the large, comfortable-looking bed—were a bold color, in the case a deep blue, while the other two walls and trim were white. A dark blue duvet covered the bed, the shams and pillowcases were also dark blue, and the air held a hint of staleness, as if no one had been in there in a long time. “I assume Fester slept below?”

“I think so. It’s usually where I ended up crashing most nights as well,” he said, closing the door by behind him. “It was easier than navigating the stairs when I was fucking pissed.”

She smiled. “You don’t mean that the way Americans mean it, do you?”

“You’re catching on,” he said with a wink. “This might surprise you, but the staircases in this flat are not meant for a drunk to navigate.”

“I’m not sure they’re meant for someone sober to navigate, either.”

“That’s because you, my love, are an American and you are used to everything being very large.” As he spoke, he closed the space between them and slid his arms about her waist. “You’ll adapt.”

“Or I’ll fall down the stairs until I do.”

“You’ll be fine. Just don’t try navigating them drunk.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She draped her arms about his neck, letting her fingers slip through the hair curling over his collar. He needed a haircut, bu she wasn’t about to point it out. She rather liked him scruffy. As she looked up at him, she asked, “Are you glad to be back here?”

“I am, yes.” His fingers swept lightly along her back, which really only added to the drowsiness swirling through her. “And I know it’s a shock to your system, but I’m hoping in time you’ll be comfortable here.”

“I’ll adapt.”

He bent to kiss her, but before their lips met, she yawned, then clapped a hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry, Ray… I’m beat.”

“Yeah, me, too, and let’s face it, I really don’t want to disappoint you, so maybe we have our wedding night tomorrow night?”

She nodded. “I think that is a perfect solution.”

****

Despite her exhaustion, Theo didn't sleep well at all. The sounds were different. The bed was different. The pillows were different. The room was different. The only familiar thing was Ray’s arm warm about her. She lay there in the dark, her back warm from being pressed flush against his chest, as the city came to life slowly below them. It was noisier there than in Point Pleasant, with the city sounds of blasting car horns, public buses, and just general people noise that Point Pleasant in the winter did not have.

The shadows on the walls unnerved her, stretching and moving as the traffic on Lescart Street ebbed and flowed. Ray snored softly behind her, which didn't do much to aid her in sleeping, either.

She missed her drafty apartment with its rattling pipes and the Montforts upstairs. Ray had neither upstairs nor downstairs neighbors and his apartment was far quieter, despite the traffic noise. Her eyes stung as homesickness washed over her. It was so stupid—she was where she wanted to be, with the man she wished to be with—her husband. And yet, there she was, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes to soak into the pillowcase.

Her breath hitched despite her effort to prevent it and it was just enough to disturb Ray, who lifted his head and murmured, “Theo? What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,” she whispered, hurriedly swiping at her eyes. “Go back to sleep.”

His arm tightened about her. “Bad dream, love?”

“S-something like that.”

His head sank back onto the pillow. “Tell me about what you dreamed.”

“I—I don’t remember it.”

“If you have another nightmare, wake me,” he murmured.

“I will.”

His fingertips brushed lightly against her stomach, then that arm tightened about her to pull her flush against him. His breath came warm and soft against the back of her head. Within minutes, he’d fallen back to sleep, and she waited a bit longer, then carefully eased out from beneath his arm and slid to the edge of the bed. She waited a moment, to see if he’d stir again, and when he didn’t, she rose and grabbed the first thing she could reach—a dark blue hoodie lying in the chair closest to his bed—and drew it on, then stood.

As quietly as she could, Theo crept from his bedroom, down that godawful narrow staircase, and padded into the kitchen. The refrigerator was smaller than the one she was used to, but Fester made sure the staples were there and she wondered if Ray had told him to make sure there was cocoa powder on the counter next to his stove because in the weeks leading up to their move, she’d had trouble sleeping and night after night, he came out to find her at the breakfast bar with a cup of hot chocolate.

It took her a few minutes to find a saucepan (Ray kept them—two pots—and his frying pan—singular—in the oven. She had the feeling she would melt them all one day when she turned on the oven without remembering to take them out first) but once she did, it was only a few minutes before she was back in the living room, mug in hand, perusing the books on the top shelf (mostly World War II related), the CDs below it, the albums on the bottom shelf (classic rock, no surprise there) and with a sigh, she ventured down into his workspace. That was where she’d find his true self, among the photographs and memorabilia he’d collected in his travels around the world.

She wasn’t disappointed. Down there, it was like being surrounded by him. From his photographs (she tried to squint the Cassie ones into oblivion, but that led to the beginning of a massive headache, so with a sigh, she stopped) to the books on war journalists and war photojournalists, she realized that he really hid very little from her. And as she sank into the well-appointed leather chair at his desk, she swiveled it around and stared up at collage that took up almost the entire wall behind his desk.

She sipped her hot chocolate as she studied the life he’d broadcasted on that wall—from childhood, to probably right before he left Blackpool last fall. From the looks of it, he been bitten by the photography bug as a child, and as he matured, so did his art.

Cassie had finally stopped calling him, but Theo wondered if that would start up again now that he was back on her side of the ocean? She looked down at the amethyst ring, with the platinum wedding ring snug against it and smiled. It didn't matter any longer and Theo didn’t care. Cassie should regret her actions for the rest of her days, she should stew in them, because Theo would never forgive her for the hell she’d put Ray through. She didn't care what Cassie’s excuse was, she deserved to spend the rest of her days kicking herself for blowing it with him. Regret was too good for her and Theo didn’t care how petty that made her. Besides, no one else would know she thought that, so she was allowed to be petty.

A soft creak on the stairs startled her and she spun about to see Ray, dressed in only a pair of gray sweatpants, frozen, a sheepish, if sleepy, smile on his lips as he said, “Sorry about that. I heard you get up, but then you didn't come back to bed. What are you doing up?”

“I couldn’t sleep. New bed. New apartment. New country.”

“You should’ve woken me.”

“Nah. You’re home. You earned a good night’s sleep. Besides, I got to snoop through all of your stuff, so…”

He stepped off the bottom riser, scratching his chest as he came up along side her chair and crouched. “Are you all right?”

“I will be. I’m just a fish out of water right now, but I’ll be okay.” She gestured toward the collage with her mug. “These are all amazing, you know. Is that your parents?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought as much. You look like your mother.”

“I do, I know.” Sadness flashed through his eyes. “She died four years ago.”

“Oh, Ray… I’m sorry.”

“I wish she could see this. She nagged me for years to get married, but hated the idea of my marrying Cassie. She thought Cassie was nowhere near good enough for her son, or so she liked to tell me.”

Theo brought the mug up to her lips, saying, “I’d have to agree with your mother. She wasn’t,” before taking a sip.

“Yeah, well, telling me that didn’t make me go out and break things off with her, you know. But,” his eyes softened as his hand came to rest on her thigh, “I think she wouldn’t have found you lacking, love. In fact, she’d probably have thought it great fun that I married an American woman. And you’d have won her over in a heartbeat. She liked strong women. She was strong women. She and my dad split up when I was twelve and she raised me on her own.”

“Sounds familiar. And I wish I could have met her. I’d like to thank her for you.”

“I like to think she knows.”

“You think there’s something else out there,” Theo wiggled her fingers at him, “out there, beyond the veil?”

“Some days I do and some, I don’t. Like, she knows I’ve found you, and I’m happy with you.” As he spoke, he trailed his fingers higher up along her thigh. “But, she doesn’t know the things that go through my head when I see you dressed like this, or the things I want to do to you when I see you dressed like this, no matter how tired I am.”

Her entire body went warm at the invitation in his deep voice, at the gentle swish of his fingertips along her inner thigh. “It’s probably best if she doesn’t know those things,” she concurred, fighting to keep the sigh from her voice. “I think she’d like me less if she thought I’d led her little boy astray.”

“Probably.”

“So, let’s not go into any details until we’re sure she’s not around.”

“Sneak around like teenagers?” He winked. “I can do that.”

“You’re nuts, you know that?”

He chuckled, then rose and leaned in to brush her lips with his, then crouched once more. “There’s so much I want to show you, love.” He slowly eased the chair about so she faced him. “Starting with our boardwalk.”

“Why do I think it will not compare to my boardwalk?”

“Oh, I think it will.”

“Really?”

“You think America has the market cornered on crazy?” He shook his head. “You’ll see.”

“Who said anything about crazy? My boardwalk has character.”

“Theo.”

“It does. But, I’m sure yours has all the crazy.”

He smiled. “Why don’t you come back up to bed?”

“I’m awake now. There’s no point.” She sipped her hot chocolate and added, “How long do you think it’ll take before I sound like all of you?”

“Truth? I hope you don’t ever sound like us. I happen to like the way you sound now, you know.” He winked. “Your accent is really very sexy.”

“Oh, now I know you’re lying.”

“I’m not. I love it. You sound as if you could kick anyone’s ass here if they aren’t careful. Badass, I believe is the American word for it?”

She just stared at him. “Are you fucking with me? Because I think you’re fucking with me.”

“I swear to you, love, I am not fucking with you. That’s how you sound to me.” His hand came to rest on her bare thigh. “If you were cold enough to steal my hoodie, why didn’t you put on sweats as well?”

“I wasn’t really cold,” she confessed softly. “I just wanted to wear this. You’re the only thing familiar to me right now, Ray.”

“You feel that lost?”

She nodded slowly. “I do, yeah.”

His eyes softened as he gave her thigh a gentle squeeze. “You’ve only been here a few hours. And I know it’s a huge shock. Believe me, I know. And I know patience isn’t exactly your strong suit, but you have to be patient, Theo.”

“Oh, I know, and I don’t want you to think I don’t want to be here, either. I’m just a baby.”

“You aren’t, either and I don’t think that.” His knees made a strange crackling sound as he stood and drew her up from the chair. “So, come back to bed and I’ll try to think of some way to tire you out.”

She smiled as she slid her arms about his waist and let her head come to rest on his warm chest. “One of those ways that would get me into trouble with your mother?”

With her ear pressed to his chest, his laughter was a low rumble. “Something like that.”

“You know what I’d like?” She craned her neck to peer up at him.

“What’s that, love?”

“To just go up and snuggle. It’s all I really have energy for right now.”

“You sure? I could probably perk you up a little.”

“I’m sure, Ray. It’s been such a long day.”

“You win, love. But, you’ll owe me.”

“Ray!”

“What?”

“Ray.”

“What?”

“Owe you?”

“Well, yeah. Married almost two days and we still haven’t consummated it? That’s got to be against some law somewhere.”

“Ray!”

He smiled and brushed her lips with his once more. “I suppose one more night won’t kill me.”

“That’s mighty big of you, Mr. Levine.” She gazed up at him. “I love you, Ray.”

He smiled. “I know. And I love you back, Theo. Come on, let’s go back to bed so we can… cuddle.”

“It’s not that bad, you know.”

“Can we at least be naked?” he asked with a hint of hopefulness. “Because that means there might be a chance Ray gets some tonight.”

“Ray!”

He grinned as he caught her by the hand and tugged on her arm. “It was worth a shot.”

[thyandrawrites]

tag meme

I was tagged by @haleigh-sloth. Thank you for the mention!

Why did you choose your URL?

My original url for this blog was bloodycarnations. It was supposed to be a reference to a scene in Tokyo ghoul where Kaneki bleeds onto a bed of white carnations and they symbolically turn into red spider lilies. I switched to thyandrawrites because I'm no longer a tg blog. Thyandra is my online nickname and my pseud on ao3, and I wanted people to connect this blog to my writing more easily

Any side blogs?

only one that I occasionally use, @thyandrascorner. Since I wanted this blog to stay bnha-centric, I made that sideblog to share all the cool reblogs from other fandoms / temporary obsessions. You can probably guess from the occasional HQ post on here that I failed at keeping this blog bnha-only lol

How long have you been on tumblr

counting the blog I had before this one, since 2014. this blog only exists since 2015 though

Do you have a queue tag?

I can't remember, lol. I rarely ever queue. If I did have a tag, it was probably just "q"

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Before this blog, i had a multifandom one. When my obsession for Tokyo ghoul became too big, I decided to start anew and created this blog with the intention of it staying tg-centric. When TG ended and my interest in the fandom waned due to drama, I simply switched to a different fandom (bnha) and now here I am

Why did you choose your icon/pfp

I wanted a picture of Dabi with white hair and that one is pretty

Why did you choose your header?

it changes all the time but right now is the lov in suits because that pic is badass

What’s your post with the most notes?

likely my disaster bi Kaminari post. I muted it when it got tumblr famous but holy shit. 12k notes. the bisexuals vibed with it

How many mutuals do you have?

I don't keep count so I have no idea. Likely a dozen, maybe 20ish people? Idk, I have a lot of friends from the ctabb server but I always forget to track down their socials and follow them back

How many followers do you have?

lemme check... 6633

How many people do you follow

437 but my dash is populated by the same 10 people lol. most of them must be inactive

How often do you use tumblr each day?

I usually scroll the dash for half an hour each day when I'm not distracted / busy with something else. Whenever a good chapter drops tho I can spend even a couple of hours on here, either writing meta about it or reading trusted mutuals' takes

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

mmh, I can't remember any actual fight but I admit that I haven't always been on my best behaviour. I sometimes get snappy and very defensive when I can't parse tones well, and that led to a couple of confrontations with anons over the years (some of which were actually people trying to start shit, others were people whose tone I misread and attacked myself). It's an issue I have. I'm working on it! I'm already a lot better at letting things sit without assuming the worst than I used to be. Also because now I have severely crippling confrontation anxiety, but that's another can of worms lol

I once got vagued by a popular blogger who tagged the post with "die bitch" tho... we used to be mutual until then but that opened my eyes to how toxic she was

How do you feel about “you need to reblog this posts”

I have a strong dislike for guilt-tripping. It feels very manipulative, especially when that holier-than-thou attitude is performative. A reblog about a sensitive topic deserving attention doesn't substitute actual activism and guilt-tripping people into thinking so is straight-up shitty

Do you like tag games?

It depends on the game! But in general, yes

Do you like ask games?

Same as above. I never shared any of those super long lists of personal questions for example. I don't like talking about myself

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I feel like all my meta blogger mutuals have pretty big followings. @/linkspooky @/hamliet @/transhawks to name a few. I'm also followed back by some big-name artists somehow...??? How did that happen (not mentioning them because hello social anxiety my old friend...)

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I used to! I go from being a misanthrope to crushing very easily on people. No in between. The person in question was an author whose writing made me feel seen and gave me the illusion of seeing them in turn. I ended up crushing on them for a short while but it was just a parasocial relationship I created by assuming things on them from the way they described the world in their writing. Kinda dumb in retrospect, lmao. Silly old me, what did you expect from an internet relationship

Tagging: uhh I haven't been online a lot in the past days so idk who's already done this...? any mutual who wants to do it can consider themselves tagged by me

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

[tsarinatorment]

3, 5 and 12 😁💕

Yay, questions! This is a really fun question list, so thanks for putting this one together! Today is my day off from work, so my inbox is very open for more of these :D

TAG Ask Game

3. How'd you get into Thunderbirds?

Honestly, I've been into Thunderbirds as long as I can remember, so I have no idea on the specifics. I would assume my parents have something to do with it, as well as the 90s re-runs of TOS on tv, because I have several memories of sitting in front of the tv, watching and rewatching TOS episodes (Day of Disaster and Man From MI5 are two that readily spring to mind from back then) when I was what, five or six? We had loads of them recorded off the tv on VHS, so I'd just ask to put that in whenever I wanted to watch one - which was a lot!

5. Have you seen/read/listened to Thunderbirds stuff outside of TAG?

As already mentioned, I've seen TOS! That's the one I grew up on, I own the DVDs (the old pirated VHS are long gone, now, although I still have Thunderbirds Are Go: The Movie on VHS... but I recently bought it on DVD, as well as Thunderbird Six), and generally one I have many fond childhood memories of.

I've also seen - and own - the 2004 movie, and I have one old Thunderbirds annual knocking around that's old and has mine and my sister's scribbles all over it (along with a perplexing section where we were clearing doing the code section and there's an argument between us over whether Scott or Virgil is better. I have always been a Scott girl - my mother will attest to that - and my sister, like all good little siblings, used to follow me much like Virgil follows Scott, so Virgil was her favourite. And yet, from what we can tell from the childish handwriting, it seems like I was the one arguing that Virgil was better??? So we're all very confused at what went on with that one).

As for the light novels and audiodramas and the like... I'm interested, but I've never actually read/heard them, and still haven't managed to get hold of those TOS special episodes from a few years back, either.

12. What's your favourite piece of fanon?

Oh, this is hard... there's so much fanon out there and it's glorious. That being said, the thing that sprang to mind for me was Scott drowning in TI/IR/GDF paperwork, because most people write that he has to do some, or that he's involved in the family business (which is never actually mentioned in TAG at all, let alone named) in some way, but barring one strange hologram he's looking at in Man From TB5, there isn't actually any evidence at all in the show that he does any of that!

[neptunetheplanet7]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 - 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

DM ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE ON THE TAG LIST!!

;mikasa ackerman x fem!lesbian!reader

;modern au, band au

word count: 1.9k

warnings: swearing, cheating

italics means flashback/memory recall

listen to the music masterlist

| next

quick message! unlike on my wattpad, i’m not doing a character introduction chapter on here. so heads up for he/they armin and she/they sasha!! those are just my personal headcanons i included into the story :) also, i wrote this a LONG time ago. i posted this on my wattpad on 2/24/21. i apologize in advance for any errors. i do plan to re-edit a lot of things regarding this fic in the future.

"She's coming back tomorrow," Jean said casually while pouring himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen. You choked on your breakfast. Armin took a worried glance at your coughing form from across the table.

"Sorry." You hacked.

"Mikasa is?" Eren peeked his head through the bathroom doorway as he looked away from the mirror.

"Yeah, I'm going to pick her up from the airport tomorrow night." Jean put down the pot of coffee and took a sip from his hot mug.

"Why so sudden?" Armin put down his book on the table in front of his plate.

"She spoke to me about it briefly. said there was something she needed to do when she got here. I'm just as shocked as you are. I didn't think she'd be back any time soon" Jean brushed the crumbs off his hands and put his plate in the sink.

"How can you all be so calm about this? Did you hear him? Mikasa is coming home tomorrow. She left nearly two years ago! She's finally coming back and none of you are freaking out? She didn't even say why exactly she was coming back." You stood up and threw your hands in the air. Suddenly you lost your appetite. 

"No need to get all bent out of shape, Y/n. You act like we haven't seen her in ten years." Eren said with a hair tie in his mouth as he grew impatient with his long and tangled mess of hair.

You rolled your eyes. "Obviously, but she left for a reason. Even when she gets here, will she still want to play with us? Her absence from the band has taken a toll on everyone, and our audience was less than pleased when she announced her vacation, or rather when I announced her vacation." You start pacing in the living room.

Armin's eyes followed you as you moved. "I hope she does, but it's unlikely. I recall her saying she never wanted to see Jean again. I doubt she'll want to play with him here." He theorized.

"Well, she did call me to say she was coming back so I don't think she's still very upset with me." Jean finished off his coffee and tucked his hair behind his ears. "It happened two years ago, after all."

"I hope she's doing better. It's not like we've heard much from her since she left. I have to clean this house! Oh god, it's a mess! You boys are pigs." You said frantically.

Eren snickered. "Well, it looks like you haven't gotten over your little crush."

"Shut it, Jaeger. I'm doing fine and, frankly, that's none of your business." Still pacing, you held your stomach as the nervous feeling grew.

"Yeah, it sure looks like you're fine." His lips pulled into a grin as he rolled his eyes.

"I think I'm going to faint."

"Do you need to lie down? You look a bit pale." Armin stood up and came to my side.

"I think I'll take a nap."

"You just woke up, smarty. Going back to bed already?" Jean chuckled. "I'm going to Marco's place. See you losers later."

A chorus of 'bye, Jeans' sounded throughout the room when he left through the garage door.

"Y/n, were you serious about cleaning the house? Because I have to go and I really don't want to clean so-"

"Yeah, Eren. You can leave, I don't care."

"You're the best! Thank you!" Eren chirped and practically skipped through the door.

"I have nowhere to be. So I guess I'll stick with you here." Armin smiled. "Do you need help with anything?"

"I'll be fine, thanks. Just nervous is all." You wrung your hands and blinked several times.

"Okay, I'll be in the office if you need anything." Armin patted your shoulder and left you alone in the large living room.

You quickly got to cleaning the house in a nervous frenzy, deep in thought. Mikasa had left one night almost two years ago after a heated situation between her and Jean that ultimately resulted in their breakup and Mikasa leaving the band with only a painful note left behind.

Apparently, there was more to the breakup than you knew, but Jean kept what we didn't hear to himself for Mikasa's sake. Essentially, Mikasa caught Jean and Marco together at a party Eren threw for his nineteenth birthday. You were with her when she saw them.

You and Mikasa were having a silly conversation in the long hallway in front of the dining room. Mikasa stopped looking at you and started focusing on something behind you. her small smile dropped. "and that's why I never- hey Mikasa? You okay? What are you looking at?" You stopped telling your story and became more concerned for your friend.

Confused, you turned around. You gasped loudly. "Oh Mikasa, I'm so sorry." You reached a hand out to her but she left the hall quickly. "Don't worry about it, Y/n. It's not a big deal."  You watched her speedwalk up the stairs with her hand covering her mouth. 

You confronted Jean calmly, not wanting to disturb the party, despite being furious. "Hey, Jean. the world can see you, dickbag. And so did your girlfriend. Have fun explaining this to her. She went upstairs. Find her yourself. If you even care enough to do so."  You spat and darted away from them.

"Wait, Y/n!" Jean pushed past people as you swiftly made your way through the crowd in an attempt to find Eren. Normally, you'd look for Armin, but he was out of town for the night. You got to the kitchen and desperately glanced around. Jean took hold of your arm before you could get any farther. He turned you to face him and took note of your angry expression. "I'm sorry. let me explain."

You shoved him away from you. "Don't apologize to me. Don't explain anything to me. Tell it to your girlfriend. I'm finding Eren and ending this shitty party early. Frankly, Jean, I don't care what excuse you have." You kicked off your heels in a random spot and continued the search for your friend. Jean tried to follow you at first but gave up.

You pushed through crowds looking everywhere for Eren. "Where is he? Eren I need you," You muttered. You caught a glimpse of dark hair being pulled out of an updo. You took a sharp turn and bumped into someone. You fell backward on the floor and rubbed your side that you fell on. "Ouch."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going!"  A girl with multiple party foods in her arms shouted apologetically. She hastily set down her collection and helped you up. I took a quick look around the room, Eren wasn't there. The brunette in front of me tilted her head. "Are you looking for someone? I can help you find them to make up for bumping into you. Hey, you're really pretty. Are you the guitarist from that band? Wait, so you live here? Oh no, I bumped into someone famous! Connie and Niccolo are gonna freak out when I tell them! I'm Sasha by the way. Your name is Y/n right?" 

Taken aback by her rambling, and the fact that she recognized you, you stuttered for a bit before gaining your composure. "Yeah, I'm looking for a friend, actually. And that's me. I live here."

Sasha grinned. "Cool! Who are you looking for? I might know them." She linked her arm through yours and pulled you to the outside deck.

"I'm looking for Eren. Uh- Jaeger. My friend Eren Jaeger. I need to find him."  Your voice sounded shaky.

"Me and him were partners in Professor Hange's science class back in high school! He invited me since we go way back." She opened the door and stepped outside. "Hey Y/n, you sound upset. Did something happen?" She unhooked your arm from hers and put her hands on your shoulders with a concerned stare. You were on the brink of tears and didn't want to cry in front of a stranger, but when you heard the caution in her tone you couldn't help but let some tears escape.

"Hey! Hey, hey Y/n, don't cry now. We'll find Eren." She pulled you in for a hug and you slowly accepted it. You weren't even the one who got cheated on yet you were the one crying. You were worried about the band. You were worried about the fight Eren and Jean were sure to get in. You were worried about what Armin would think. But most importantly, you were worried about Mikasa.

The thought of her locking herself in a room upstairs alone after what happened was enough to make you feel sick. You had to find Eren and end the party. You had to keep him calm once he found out. A part of you had always hoped they would break up, and you always felt extremely guilty about it, but you never hoped  it would end in a way that hurt them both. 

You quietly sobbed into sasha's clothed shoulder, definitely staining her frilly dress. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now." You stepped away and wiped your eyes several times. 

"No, don't apologize. You don't have to tell me what happened, either. Let's go find Eren, yeah?" She gently took my face in her hands and wiped away at my tears. She hooked her arm through mine again as we continued our search for Eren. 

We finally found him after looking for a good fifteen minutes. He was sitting alone on the front porch with a beer in hand, his hair a ragged mess. He took a swig of it and scowled at the taste. Sasha nodded to you and left you alone with him. You opened the glass door and stood awkwardly behind him.

"Hey, Eren."

"The party's inside." He said bitterly.

"I know." You sat down next him and smoothed out your dress in the process. "What are you doing out here at your own party? I've been looking for you everywhere."

He sighed. "I heard what happened. with Jean and Mikasa. He went looking for her so I assume he's found her, that was thirty minutes ago, give or take. I needed a break and came out here." 

You let your head slump on his shoulder. He let out another long sigh. "I saw it happen. She ran upstairs so I came looking for you. I figured once I told you, you could end the party. That sounds ridiculous now, considering how many people came." You let out a dry laugh and felt him laugh along with you. His head rested on top of yours and he placed a gentle kiss on it.

"What are we gonna do now, Y/n? There’s no chance this'll go over well. The band could be ruined.” He paused and sighed. “I bet Armin would know what to do right about now."

"I bet he would." You took Eren's hand in yours. "I don't even want to think about what could happen."

"Neither do I. Do you want to stay out here a little while longer? We can go back in later." Eren offered.

"Yeah. That sounds nice." 

posted: 8/23/21

neptunetheplanet7© 2021

no reposts, edits, or modification to my work by anyone other than me.

[cherryonigiri]

Ty!! ;; So as bg I'm a sex-repulsed asexual and the haikyuu fandom is just...one of the horniest I've ever been in. Which is cool, I know its normal for most people to like that stuff,except the fandom is also one of the worst, in my tumblr experience, about tagging kinks and putting nsfw under cuts. The amount of nsfw in itself is pretty alienating for me...but to make matter worse I keep coming across kinks that disgust me more than just the regular nsfw--things that I have tag-blacklisted but people haven't TAGgED! And!! Tendou is my favorite character of them all and I just wanna hold his hand and kiss his cheek and read manga together and get comfort from this character, but it really feels like a lot of, if not most, of the content for him is about what a *kinky, sexual sadist* he is and boy it just...really makes me wanna cry sometimes.

Hey anon. I’m so sorry you’ve had to see that content in your feed despite trying to filter tags and doing all the right things to make your feed/tumblr space one where you feel comfortable and safe. (just as an FYI, I tag my nsfw writing + posts with ‘spicy haikyuu’ so feel free to block/blacklist that as well). It’s also been frustrating for me because I have certain tags/kinks that I blacklist as well, and it’s really upsetting for me to see that content pop up in my feed. 

I’m not sure if you’ve used this feature (if you already are, I apologize for assuming you haven’t) - but I’ve found that adding specific words (usually kink names) to the content filter, in addition to the tag filter, really helped to significantly reduce the number of things that slipped through. A lot of the writers I follow used different systems for content warnings: some have an established tagging system, others have a clear trigger warning or content warning section in the synopsis/summary at the top of the post, others have a mixture or a different system. Since there isn’t really a standard, I’ve found the content filter does help because it blocks posts that might not be extensively tagged, but have content warnings in the text of the post itself.

With the recent updates, I know that tagging has become complicated, for both authors and readers. It’s sad that tumblr’s filtering systems (especially the tag filter system) always seem to miss something. You (and everyone else) shouldn’t have to go through that.  Writers can write whatever they want to write, but please give readers/users a way to filter that content. 

I get really frustrated that I’ve been seeing a decent number of posts recently that don’t use any kind of warning system (both in tags or any kind of tw). People can write any kink/dark content they want, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want and expect content creators to use warnings in some way shape or form. I cannot and do not have the right to tell anyone what they can and cannot write. But it frustrates me to no end that we aren’t given any kind of avenue or tool to control what content comes across our feed.

Also, anon, thank you for sharing this. I know it takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable and share personal things about yourself, particularly when it centers around identity and/or traumatic experiences. Not to mention sharing this online, on a public platform/website. I’m really honored that you felt that I was someone you could share this with. 

P.S. I’m going to do my best and find some Tendou fluff for you and make a fic rec list after i finish this midterm (I hope you don’t mind if I include some AO3 things as well). There is definitely sfw content out there for Tendou, although recently I’ve noticed it’s been a little sparser than usual. 

[cryinggarbagebag]

Hello Again (Sirius Blacks Daughter)

Requested by my friend at school :)

Warnings: crying, abandonment, profanity, denial the works :))

if i missed any pls let me know!

also if you would like to be added to my tags list let me know!

outfit suggestion ^^

.-.

something felt off about tonight and it wasn't for any ordinary reason, not because Dumbledore had asked for me to be at this Order meeting, it was because I found myself standing in front of my first home from before my father was incarcerated, and before I had been accepted into Hogwarts. I only assume that this has something to do with him. I had heard noise about Sirius Black being on the loose earlier this school year, and that caused everyone, and I mean everyone, to think I was hiding him or some shit. it eventually lead to me getting in a couple fights, some physical, and my uncle making the decision of letting me end the school year at home. I was greatful but also pissed off because I was always winning. I guess the med wing couldn't take as many kids as I was sending them. I'm a little aggressive but those fuckers deserved it for disrespecting my father like that! although I only met him as a baby (I was 4 when he was put into Azkaban), I feel like I have known him all my life. it could be through Uncle Remus' story telling, or the twinkle in any of my teachers eyes whenever they spoke of him, I think it's because of a bond only found in someone you truly love. like when Uncle Remus was having a stressful day at the school and I sent him chocolates by owl without him telling me first.

but anyways, the house was eerily familiar, and I subconsciously tucked my short black hair behind my ear nervously. Harry would also be arriving tonight but later on. the Weasleys were also staying there along with Hermione. I smiled at the thought of seeing my friends again as I knocked on the door. we had to use a specific pattern every time so that no death eaters or muggles could get in. I saw the door unlock and it slowly turned open to reveal Tonks. she had a thing for my uncle I guess... good for her.

"y/n! whatsit!"

"hi" I said as she enveloped me in a hug.

"might have to steal your jacket, it's nice" she complimented.

"maybe I'll loan it to you" I winked and made my way inside.

"everyone's in the kitchen" she said and grabbed my arm, "he's in there" she said quieter.

"who?" I asked with concern.

"Sirius. he's anxious to meet you" she said.

"oh" I replied, suddenly getting a strange wave of anxiety as well.

"are you ready?" she asked.

I swallowed thickly, "i- Tonks what if he abandons me again. I know it's not his fault but-"

"y/n don't worry. he loves you and he promised to never leave you again." she said reassuringly and pet my hair. "now, shoulders back, head high, you've got to show him that you truly are his spawn" she joked.

"don't say it like that" I said with a giggle.

"there we go, that's the carefree y/n I know. are you ready now?"

I looked at the door and took a deep breath before nodding. she lead me to it and pushed lightly on the oak wood. there was a long table, with people sitting around it, most of them were my friends, but at the far end was a man who looked just like me only older and with a beard. I froze. I couldn't think, it was too much, but it was too late to turn back.

I noticed uncle remus standing next to him, a timid smile on his face. it was silent, as if everyone had noticed the tension in the room. but then I looked at the ground and reminded myself that I am the daughter of Sirius Black, and I have to fit the role. I do fit the role.

so I cleared my throat, threw on a smirk and said "well, hello again" with as much confidence as I could muster.

when he didn't say anything Uncle Remus nudged him with his elbow as to say 'go on'.

he snapped back to reality and made his way around the table, standing a few feet away from me. he had tears in his eyes, not many but enough for me to know he cared.

"y/n" he started as Molly ushered the twins out of the room. once they were gone it was just me, Uncle Remus, Tonks and my father.

"y/n" he begun again, "my god you've grown. look at you. I feel so old now" he joked lightly, taking in my appearance.

I gave a grumbly laugh that barely made it out of my throat as I realized I was holding back tears too. it was harder to keep them to myself when I realized just how much I had missed him.

"sorry can I just-" I started and rose my arms in a hugging position. he didn't hesitate to bring me into a strong embrace. it was like a part of me that was lost had finally been found. the last puzzle piece had been put into place and I was complete. I let the tears fall then, and I could tell he did too.

once our cry fest was over I lightly pulled away, he heald me at an arms length and really examined my features.

"you're gorgeous just like your mother" he mumbled to himself rather than me.

I smiled wearily and looked down at my scarred knuckles, "so I've been told. they also say I'm your clone."

"I can see why. Remus said you've been getting into trouble lately" he smirked.

"only to defend my last name". I looked up at him and smiled.

"ah that's my girl" he said louder this time, and pride shown in his face. I felt a sense of warmth wash through my body and it was unlike anything I felt before.

"we'll let you two catch up" Uncle Remus said with a smile, putting his arm around Tonks and leading her out of the room. I watched them go before sitting in the seat next to me, Sirius following my lead.

"so, y/n.. tell me everything"

and so I did. I told him about my friends, about my school life, about everything and he listened with genuine interest. I told him about how the other people at school soiled our name, and how I had to leave because of it. he just smiled and laughed it off.

once I had given him my life's story, and everything had died down he leaned forward in his chair and took my hands

"y/n, I know I haven't been there for you, all your special moments and such but I hope you can accept me as your father. I don't ever want to leave you again like I did. I felt horrible for that. I'm hoping now that we can have the life I always wanted for us. me you and Remus that is."

"oh dad, don't feel bad. I know about everything. nothing was ever your fault. what's important is that you're here now."

"thank you" he said and pulled away, "now I'm sure you want to catch up with your friends, I won't keep you waiting" Sirius smiled.

[scripttorture]

I'm writing a comic, and while I haven't worked all the details out yet, one of my characters is basically fed very small meals and forced to constantly do chores by his partner. What effects would this have, and what would be needed for him to recover physically?

This is a pretty damned realistic scenario that lines up incredibly wellwith cases of modern domestic slavery.

If you feel up to reading real victim accounts then there are quite afew cases I can think of that fit quite closely with what you’re describing.Domestic slavery in the Middle East, Brazil and parts of Asia broadly followsthe sort of pattern you’ve described.

I’mgoing to leave you a link to a BBC article I read recently which interviewedAsian maids in Brazil. Brazil recently brought in tighter laws defining thehours maids could work and giving them a right to holiday time. They’reactively trying to stamp out practices described in the article.

Other places aren’t quite so progressive on this front unfortunately.Cases in the Middle East tend to involve a degree of obvious physical abuse andoften sexual abuse as well. That doesn’t fit so well with your scenario.

Cases in Singapore would probably be a good source. The laws governingdomestic help are pretty lax and treatment of maids is poor compared to many ofthe neighbouring countries. There’s a case here fromearlier in the year of a couple who were jailed for starving their maid.

I know the situation in your story is different, partner abuse isn’tquite the same thing, but I think you could use sources like these to informwhat you write.

You might want to have a look through @scriptshrink and @scripttraumasurvivors tags for more information on the psychological andemotional effects of partner abuse. I feel like it’s something I should find out more about, but asthings stand they both know a lot more then I do.

I do know that he’d probably find it incredibly difficult to seek helpand articulate what’s happening to him. He’s likely to be isolated from peoplewho could support and help him.

That said- he’s being starved and starvation produces a very particular psychological effect.

I’ve got a Masterposton starvation here that talks about that but to be honest what I’ve foundmost helpful to my writing are the words of people who’ve actually experienced what I’m writing about.

So I think you should probablyalso have a look at this. It’s the 70 page summary report from theMinnesota Starvation Experiment. A group of conscientious objectors duringWorld War 2 voluntarily starved themselves for six months so that the effectsof starvation could be studied and the best ways of alleviating it discovered.

The volunteers describe what it felt like to starve, the effect it hadon their personalities and motivation. I’ve found it an extremely helpfulsource because….starvation is a bit of a special case and I think it can bedifficult to understand how the psychological effects it has interact withoutreading personal experiences.

Physical effects are a bit easier.

I know it’s obvious but he’s going to lose weight and he’s going to bein pain. I mostly describe the pain as constant dull aches but it is alsoaccompanied by periods of more intense abdominal pain. A sort of constricting,clenching feeling as if a fist is tightening around your internal organs.

Some of the knock-on effects of weight loss are easy to think through.He’ll have lost muscle mass, so he’ll be physically weaker. Some of the men inthe Minnesota Starvation Experiment were surprised by how much weaker they were. He’ll also be less coordinated and slower andthe combination can lead to clumsiness and a lot of breakages.

He’ll also have lost a lot of fat, which means he’ll be more affected bytemperature. In a temperate environment he’ll probably be cold all the time. Ina hotter climate he’ll be too hot, which could combine with his other symptomsto cause more fainting fits if he moves quickly.

He’ll also probably find he’s less physically comfortable. Sitting down,lying down, leaning against things will all be less comfortable without aprotective layer of fat.

He’ll look paler or ill. His nails and hair will be more brittle and he might grow more body hair depending onexactly how badly he’s been starved and for how long.

His mouth will feel dry and he’ll find it difficult to cry.

He’ll have very low energy and will find his work very very difficult.Combined with the psychological symptoms of starvation he might well becomeprone to quite emotional outbursts, which his partner might use to underminehim.

I’d suggest avoiding theswelling legs or distended belly. Those are symptoms of starvation but theysuggest a more severe case then what I think you’re suggesting.

He’d also be a lot more prone to disease. Many of the particulardiseases I suggest in the Masterpost are related to famine conditions ratherthan starvation of an isolated individual.

Unless he’s doing things like eating the dog food, raw meat, handfuls ofearth, grass etc then he’s unlikely to have a problem with parasitic worms. Thissort of desperate eating of anything wouldbe normal behaviour for someone being starved though, so I wouldn’t rule it outentirely.

He’s probably safe from things like typhus and dysentery but he’d be alot more prone to colds, flus and fevers.

It’s a pretty dire list of effects but the good news is that thephysical recovery process is simple: food.

He wouldn’t even necessarily needa hospital stay, but in a modern setting doctors are likely to insist he staysin a hospital for a week or so while he’s fed and rehydrated.

TheWorld Health Organisation guidelines for combating and treating malnutritionare here. Most of the article assumes that the person reading it is dealingwith starving children but thetreatment is more or less the same in adults and children.

In a modern setting it’s basically an IV line of high calorie solutionand encouraging the patient to eat and drink a lot over several days. Completerecovery and weight gain would take weeks but marked improvement can be seen ina few days.

Because starvation has such a strong psychological effect this wouldalso help some of his psychologicalsymptoms. Some of those symptoms would probably vanish entirely.

As these things go his physical recovery would probably be extremely quick.Which might make it harder for him to accept the longer term psychologicaldamage he’s going to be living with. A strong support network would beincredibly helpful to his longer term recovery.

Since this is a visual medium you might also want to consider looking upphotos of the men involved in the Minnesota Starvation Experiment, before,during and after the experiment as a good visual reference for the way his bodywill change over the course of the story.

I hope that helps and good luck with your story. :)

Edit: Added the ‘@’ to scriptshrink and scripttraumasurvivors so the links are there.

Disclaimer

[onemanzerosquad]

New York Blackbeard Diary Pt. 3

Day 11.......Woke up.....Started my day getting breakfast then headed to my neurologist office to get my form from my job in regards to my restrictions. After, went to the library to print out documents in regards to a situation that led to someone purchasing something from a PayPal. Pretty much someone hacked into my PayPal and purchase a monthly subscription to watch a show smh. As I was heading to work, I thought about all of my problems and have decided to take care of all the problems. Feels like time is not on my side in my opinion and I can no longer deal with the bullshit no longer. As take care of the problems head on, I have no problem dealing with consequence even if my body limitations is at risk cause. I'm alone in this and that's no one fault cause everyone has their own problem to fix.

On on to the side story......2012.......

The new year started and I was in a long distance relationship. Unfortunately, It didnt last long. Obviously, communication was the cause of the problems. From there I was talking to girls got into a relationship but that didnt even last too. Then I saw her. Now I'm not gonna write her government name. So I'm gonna name her HopelessRomantic. Unlike every women I've been with physically, I actually found her online. I didn't expect her to give me a chance but she did. At first, we were back and forth breaking up and making up. Then mid year, she broke up with thru a inbox smh. She was right tho, I wasn't doing anything with my life and she felt I had no ambition. It's crazy because before she broke up with me, I wanted to let her know that I finally got a job lol. During that time til September, I was dating and talking to other women but at the same time trying to get back with HopelessRomantic. Then at one point, HopelessRomantic was going through a tough time. So I took an opportunity to help her out. I was making sure she was okay. Then one day there was a BWA (beach) reunion show and since I told HopelessRomatic about my backyard wrestling career, I invited her to the show. That day was interested as I got to see some of the guys even my first love and by the night, I brought her home and "Netflix and chill" happened lol. It was our first time doing something after 9 months of us knowing eachother. From that moment on we were back together but this time she trusted me and gave me another chance of love again. On to other things,in that year I started wrestling officially in BWA (Bronx). I had a chance to wrestle in RCW but I decided not to go. I knew I wasn't going to be comfortable there and plus the only people I would mostly trust would be the DIW wrestlers that I meant in 2011. Everyone else ehhhhh (the white boys weren't really there lol). BWA (Bronx) hands down was the best time of my backyard wrestling career. Holy Convictions Tag Team with Genocide, 4 aces, matches with Loco, Dixon, Dom The Don, my epic match against Gencocide that open everyone's eyes, and the match of the event of SuperShowDown (their Wrestlenania), against Joker. I had a epic time in the BWA (Bronx). Now back to HopelessRomantic. Our relationship was great. Our families liked us together, I got to see her often, I was working, the sex was great lol, and she even motivated me to actually go to college. The original plan was to go study Criminal Justice. Then December hit and after the hurricane, I came from chilling with a friend and HopelessRomantic send me a message on Facebook breaking up with me. There wasn't a particular reason. She wrote like an essay but it had nothing to do with me. I can only assume she wasn't interested anymore. So the year was heading to its end. So I decided to live it up with Black, Red, Green, and Blue Label with some 40s. Regardless of the break up, I still had good year.

Day 12.......Woke up and started my day with a cup of coffee. Went to my job to pick my check check my app to see how much since I started last week and today was pay week and apparently I got no pay listed on this week. So I can only assume my next check will make up for last week or something. Money is always with no value hard to get by but hey whatever. So went on my morning and TD Bank to fax the people apart of my dispute case and unfortunately the bank printing machine doesn't work doesn't work. So another Negative Nancy in the poison air of New York City. After work, I saw my Autismo crew (J God, Weirdo, and Porn Plug). Chopped it up a little bit and by the way F**K WWE 2K!!!!!

On on to the side story......2013......

2013 new year.....still working on and off. Surprisely, me and HopelessRomantic kept in contact regardless of the breakup. One day I brought her over just to chill. She got cozy which didn't bother cause she was single as was I. From what I remember, we were talking and it led to her being emotional and she was crying. So held her tight then boom......we had sex......The next day we were talking and I kinda express to her I wanted to get back together but she didn't want that. I actually cried but accepted and got over it. Probably like a month later, she got into a relationship with someone else which sucked even more. Other than that I signed up for a program that dealt with Digital Media and did well in the program. I was still working but not as much. My birthday but on that day I was sick (for about a week). After I healed, I started this new job that my guy Dirty Sandchez aka Eyevrows from Getaway hook me up with. It was an maintenance job. Did the job and all. July 4th hit and partying up drinking doing my thing. I woke up and got a call from HopelessRomantic letting me know that her Aunt passed. All I had was tears cause her aunt meant a lot The last time I talk to her was Mother's Day so the pain was more. I was mad and I played Dante's Inferno with anger. From morning til night, I beat the game. The one thing I notice alot that day was I had double vision that whole day. I would think that would be gone by the morning but it wasn't. After hanging out with my boy. I started to fall easily and constantly told I looked crossed eyed. By August my left leg felt like I or sprained it. August I finally hit the switch and started college. I was studying Mental Health/Domestic Violence Counseling. First semester went well. All As and 1 B. I even had my own little crew.

SIDE NOTE: One person in that crew ending up being my girlfriend (2016)

During the first semester I was still dealing with my health problems. Things got worse. My hands were so numb that I couldn't write. My double vision was there everyday and I had a hard time walking on my left leg. After going to the emergency room doing MRIs and Catscans and testing my strength with a group of neurologists and constantly hearing that I'm so young (I was 22), I saw a neurologist and he told me that I have Multiple Sclerosis.......

Day 13........Woke up, got ready, and speed walked to the bus stop to get to work. Unfortunately, I got a little late due to the bipolarness of the bus coming on schedule. When. I got to work, I couldn't punch in due to the app I punch in on couldn't connect to the server. After work, I went to see a friend that I haven't seen in quite some time and that was pretty much my day.

On on to the side story......2014.......

2014 came. I finally got my finally treatment after waiting for months for insurance reasons smh. I had to take it every week. I continued college by taking free classes inthe winter semester which was apart of Fall semester. As a result passed both classes with an A. From there my GPA was 3.6. With my education background with a learning disability, D equalivent grades, being in special ed classes, and receiving services due to my learning disability, for a guy with a incurable health condition that pretty much messes with your body depending on the central nervous system state, it was remarkable for something like that to happen. Spring semester hit and once again did my thing in classes, went on dates, and followed the routine of being on grind. Then the summer semester hit and I was offered to take a short summer class and I took it of course since it was free. That morning of first day of the class, I wanted to do the impossible and walked from my home to school (Albemarle and East 19 to Manhattan Beach). It took about 3 hours. Got to class on time and kind sat around or whatever. Some other people got inthe class and informed the professor that they were in the other classroom. For some odd reason I was more aware of a woman saying that then the others. Crazy cause that same woman ended up being my girlfriend by the end of September. We ain't saying government names. So her name for this post is Hermione (she likes Harry Potter). She had tattoos, smart, and she was honest for what I feel most of the time. Eventually the relationship didn't last and ended the same way.......a message. Her reasons made sense I guess (went too fast). Honestly I don't believe time should be a determining factor for a relationship to happen. If you feeling this person then give it a shot but that's just my opinion. Also, in 2014, I officially ended my backyard wrestling career against my friend, my brother, and my on screenplay rival Rodney Banks. It was the perfect ending to the legend that was called Heavy D.

Day 14.......Woke up. Gather some clothes and did some laundry. Sat outside for a little bit and headed back to the shelter and took a power nap. Woke up about 3 and watch One Piece Episode 901. I'm already current with the manga. So I'm basically watching what I already read. That was pretty much my Sunday. Plus I need all the rest for the upcoming days of this week. I gotta say, I'm slowly getting myself together to the point that people inthe shelter are noticing me more as hardworking individual. I'm always on the move and that's being notice and respected by people in the shelter.

On on to the tragic side story......2015

2015 started off okay. Winter semester was a success. I saw Hermione. But I didnt really give her attention after the break up but after we talked, we became friends and that was it nothing more. Spring semester came and I did my thing again and lived the college life but got a job. So now I'm get on my grind and officially had no time for much. Summer was here and my mother was working getting her passport to go back to Jamaica and see her family after years. One time I came from work and as usual expected my mother to be home since she doesn't like to be out late. She nevered came home which was extremely alarming. Call the police and I was informed that she was in the hospital in the city. Got to the hospital and use the phone to locate and she was in the 3rd floor ICU. I didn't know what ICU meant at that time but I knew it was something bad. Got to the ICU and saw my mother........Hospital covered with a bandage on her head as if someone bash a metal bat on her head. Come to find out, she had a seizure and fell on head in the street very hard. I was in tears. All I can remember was that the last time I saw her she told me that she was heading out. My mind was wtf like this ain't real. Called everyone I can call and every got the news that my mother was inthe hospital. She eventually got transfer to a rehab center in Far Rockaway Queens. Things seem to be okay. Then I come home from a hard day at home and I get phone call from a friend informing me that something happened and my younger brother didn't sound okay on the phone. Went to the hospital my mother was sent to. Her eyes was closed. Next couple of days saw her as the machine was helping her breath not responding or reacting inthe room. The doctor spoke to me and younger brother and pretty much said there a very little chance they can help. By October 12th. My younger brother called me and informed me that our mother died........

Day 15......Woke up.....Had to skip gym again. I had to get my mail and sent some emails. After, I went straight to work. After work, I happen to see a face I haven't seen in quite some time and we actually introduce our names after knowing each other for years. It's kind of cool knowing someone and finally just engaging in a conversation (just regularly). Then mailed my my money order to this One Shot Deal that I owe money to unfortunately. While on my way back to the shelter, I started thinking.....now knowing that just about everyone knows that I have Multiple Sclerosis......Hawk's Eye will be on me and my refusals from any assistance will make things a little more tough and edgier. So at this point, I have to be smart on everything I do. But I'm sure I'll get through this someway.

On on to 2016.......

2016 was here. After a hard 2015, I was able to keep the home, still work, made sure my health was good and survived a hard semester. I made the impossible possible. On the other hand, things were different. I started living somewhat a independent free life. I went to school, work, and party on the weekends. I was even going to the strip clubs and bars just living it up with my people. Eventually, I had this feeling like I needed to be what I was and I felt it was time to look for love again and I found it. No government names revealed. So her name was SoReal lol. I knew her since I started college (2013). We kept in contact and eventually we got together in July. It was love again. I haven't felt this type of love since my first relationship. She was smart, hardworking, and very determined to finish college. I was in love. When she felt she needed me, I was ready to help. We went on multiple dates. We talked all the time and we expressed that we loved each other. Other than love, I GRADUATED FROM KINGSBORO WITH AN ASSOCIATES!!!!! By September, I was city bound at City College. By the fall semester thing weren't good between me and SoReal. She distanced herself from me and with that I got less focus on school. Our relationship was so back and forth. When December hit, I got a letter from the landlord informing me that I must pay 3500 dollars in two weeks or I get evicted. So rent is not really being paid by my roommate, I'm barely getting thru college, and my relationship is a mess. As a result, I was still in relationship surprisingly, I pass my classes (barely), and I had to ask for assistance from this service called the One Shot Deal (where your whole rent is paid off but you got to pay back the money that was covered. 2017......would finally bring me to the limit.....

Not everything was meant to be......

Jikai........One Last Time. The Past From The Last View 2017 The Fall Of A Headliner

Mad King Recharging Arc