#also i love bittersweetly personally!!!

[noxtivagus]

ffxiv really influenced my writing huh

[luvkyu]

my love, i still ( mark lee ) part one

mark x male reader

a person from mark's past makes a quiet return.

content : 1.5k words, angst, kinda fluff at the end ??, idol!mark, manager!reader, ex-relationship, reader mentioned with a facial piercing, also features a little riize !!

( a/n ) this is song inspired :D from my love, i still by i'll <3 i was gonna make this heart wrenching angst but i got stuck with the ending so i changed it and it actually ends somewhat happy now. thinking about a part two, we'll see.

part two

"did you guys hear y/n's back in town?" jaemin asked, looking around at his group members.

"yeah. i don't know if he's working here again though," donghyuck answered.

the few of them were currently stretching and warming up before dance practice. only mark, renjun, and jisung were missing among them.

"i hope he is," jeno said, "i miss him."

"if he is working here again, he probably won't work much with us."

"i heard he's gonna be working with riize," chenle said, making the others' heads turn instantly.

"oh shit, really?"

chenle nodded, "that's what shotaro told me and jisung the other day. he's supposed to start as their manager today i think."

"i wonder if mark knows," jaemin muttered.

"if i know what?" mark questioned as he entered the studio with renjun and jisung in tow.

the others freezed, a bit uncomfortable now. mark and y/n's break up wasn't an easy subject, not when everyone knew mark was still not over him.

mark's brows furrowed at the sudden silence of his members. he looked around, waiting for some kind of answer.

"..if you know that y/n's back," jeno finally replied.

mark stopped for just a slight second before shrugging his bag off his shoulder and acting as if it didn't matter.

"yeah, i know."

the other dreamies looked around at each other. mark always got quiet and sulky when y/n's name was brought up, which is why they tried to avoid it most of the time.

"and you're okay?" jisung spoke up.

mark looked at him, smiled unconvincingly, and pat his head. "of course i'm okay," he assured. "now let's start practice."

"do you guys wanna go down to the cafe before heading back to the dorm?" jeno asked.

as everyone agreed on the idea, they began bee lining down the hall toward the elevator.

"oh shit," donghyuck mumbled. mark looked up from his phone as he walked, moving his gaze to where donghyuck's was.

the elevator opened on their floor to reveal a couple workers, including y/n. he had his phone to his ear with furrowed brows while clutching some papers, clearly distressed. when he saw the dream members now in front of him, his eyes widened and his body stood still for a split second. but he had to keep up with his rushing coworkers. y/n gave the group a small bow and a gentle smile as he kept walking and speaking on his phone.

mark felt as if his heart plummeted to his stomach. he wasn't prepared to see y/n out of nowhere, but he couldn't stop his eyes from following him. y/n looked different after the year that had passed. his hair was back to it's natural color instead of dyed, and he had a piercing added to his face now.

"what if i kidnap him," jeno whispered.

"shut up," renjun snickered, filing into the elevator with the others.

"i miss him," jeno whined. "best manager we've had, hands down."

mark smiled to himself bittersweetly. jeno wasn't wrong. y/n cared about all of them more than anyone had. after their first few months as group and manager, he and mark grew much closer than they should've. but once other staff started to find out, y/n's position as their manager slowly fell apart. he resigned quietly after he and mark ended things. y/n was offered a position in japan for a year instead, which he took in high hopes of healing.

"actually guys, i'm just gonna go back to the dorm. i want a nap."

"are you sure? i can come with you," jaemin offered with a small frown. mark smiled and shook his head.

"pretty sure napping is a one-person job, jaem. i'll just see you guys later."

jaemin frowned as they all watched mark press a separate button on the elevator.

"it's a two-person job if you're doing it right.." jaemin muttered.

donghyuck sighed and flicked his head, "do you ever shut up?"

"no, not really."

a couple weeks passed and mark had yet to see y/n for more than two-second intervals, let alone talk to him at all. he wasn't telling anyone how much it hurt him to see y/n around the sm building and not speak to him at all.

mark adjusted his earbuds into his ears as he walked. he could feel the sore muscles in his legs after a very long practice in anticipation for dream's next comeback. he was planning on going straight home, taking a long bath, and going to bed.

he pressed play on his phone, hearing the music begin to flood his ears. he was on his way outside when he stopped and saw some familiar faces by the company's vans.

riize was outside, filing into the vehicle with y/n leading them. they seemed to be goofing around, lots of smiles and distant laughter. mark could see y/n patting a couple of their heads as if he was counting to make sure he had all his children. sohee was the last to climb into the van, giving y/n a small hug before settling in next to anton. y/n smiled at his cuteness and walked around to the driver's side. before mark knew it, the van was out of sight, and he was staring at nothing.

mark cleared his throat and stared at the ground now. his chest felt heavy. he didn't know how much longer he could keep doing this.

"you okay?"

mark jumped at the voice beside him now. he took one of his earbuds out and looked over at jeno.

"i'm fine."

"hm," jeno hummed. he didn't believe mark at all, but he decided not to push it. "c'mon. let's go home."

a few hours went by, and now mark was sitting outside looking blankly at his phone. when he got home, he ate dinner and took a hot bath. neither of those things seemed to matter much though. nothing really did anymore.

it felt like time was standing still as he stared at the screen beneath him. his finger hovered over the call button of y/n's new phone number that he'd asked shotaro to send him. he didn't want to make things difficult for y/n by calling him, but he felt like he desperately needed to finally talk with him. he didn't know if he was looking for closure or another chance with y/n. maybe he'd know once they finally exchanged some words.

mark closed his eyes and quickly pressed his thumb against the screen. lifting the phone to his ear, he waited.

"..."

"..."

"hello?"

mark gulped. he hadn't planned on what to say, but now that he heard y/n's voice, his heart sank. a couple tears that had built up over the last few minutes finally trickled down his cheeks.

"..hello?" y/n said again.

"y/n?" mark's voice was barely audible. he knew y/n heard him though, he could tell by the way it stayed quiet for a moment on the other line.

"mark?"

"please, let's talk." mark could hear the other take a deep breath.

"okay.. what about?"

"i don't know. anything. i can't keep pretending like i don't know you when i see you around work. i can't-" mark went silent for a couple seconds, "i can't do this anymore."

y/n didn't know how to respond. he felt his throat begin to close up as he fought his own tears.

"i'm sorry.. i wasn't sure if i should talk to you guys at work."

"you can. please do. the others miss you a lot."

"really?"

mark could hear the smile in y/n's voice now. it lightened his mood a little bit.

"yeah. jeno wants to kidnap you i think."

"not surprising."

the pair laughed together before it went quiet again.

"y/n?"

"hm?"

"could we grab a coffee together sometime or something?"

"you don't drink coffee, mark."

"i'll just watch you drink it then."

y/n chuckled and inhaled as if he was accepting some huge offer.

"sure. we can get coffee."

"great," mark replied happily. y/n could tell mark sounded relieved; it made his smile linger a little longer on his lips.

"and, um," mark began again, "i know things have been off with us. but i just want you to know that i still care about you a lot. nothing's ever gonna change my love for you."

y/n looked down at his hands and cleared his throat. he didn't want his voice to give away the fact that he was two seconds away from crying. the soft and sincere tone of mark's voice didn't make it any easier, either.

"that's actually really comforting to hear. i love you too, mark."

mark smiled and let out a long exhale.

"okay well i'll let you get some rest, i know it's late. sleep well tonight, and i'll see you later."

"okay. g'night."

"night." mark's grin continued to tug at his lips. he gently tossed his phone aside and rubbed his face. a weight had just been lifted from his shoulders, he felt like he could breathe for the first time in a while.

"thank you, y/n." he whispered softly.

[marcelshorjian]

hi. I saw your coming out post. Big congratulations!!!!

I, bittersweetly, relate very much. I'm 23. I started suspecting I was trans around 15/16. I can generally repress it for a good long while (a couple months at a time), so the dysphoria comes in waves of "oh I can tolerate this forever, it's fine, its not that bad, they're just words/names/pronouns."

I think I am very soon reaching that point of "oh god this is inevitable, and I can't live as a woman anymore."

But I also know I have successfully bottled it back up when feeling like this before. And likely will again because I'm about to go into my first career, corporate job.

If you can even answer this... how did you get to the point where you felt ready to come out publicly?

Congrats again, truly.

Hi there! I usually don’t publicly reply to the more personal messages I get on here, but yours really struck a chord with me. Thank you so much for sending it.

I know what you’re going through. I have been stuck in similar patterns for many years. I started suspecting I was trans when I was 15, asked my closest friends to be called by a male name and pronouns when I was around 19, but only decided to transition medically and publicly this year, at 26. It takes time.

Every year I would get an intense few months of feeling like I needed to transition, but always decided against it, for the very same reasons you named. Feeling like I could survive just like this. Feeling like if I could do without it, then it wasn’t something I had to « put myself through��». That it also wasn’t something I had to put others through. I intellectualised it to the point of finding many material reasons not to do it, focused on my fears and the vulnerability it would bring, just to occlude that very simple question: what do I want?

Delaying doing it, thinking it’s fine, it’s just a discomfort, is because you’ve lived with it for so long it doesn’t register as pain anymore. But it is pain.

Why should you settle for survival? Why would stating what you want be selfish? What are you really putting others through? Some tweaks in the way they address you, maybe some confusion and questions they’d never asked themselves before, that can only broaden their understanding of human complexity. The hostility often comes from defensiveness, but it's not your problem anyway.

You don’t have to do it all at once. Hormones can be started, stopped, picked up again. The changes are gradual. You don’t have to come out to everyone right away, just a select few you trust. But you’ll see, freedom is addictive.

I got to this point after years of unease by being around my amazing trans friends, and seeing them thriving and caring for each other, and them telling me: you love us like this, so allow yourself the same grace.

[gabessquishytum]

Happy Holidays!!! 🎄🎄

Dream used to be one of the most sought-after, highly priced, escorts in the city. His "boyfriend" experience was second to none, and he never caught feelings (wellllll, there was.....). In any event, he's out of the business and happy and successful doing his art. He doesn't even keep a hand in, he's done, so he wasn't expecting a call from his old madam on a random Tuesday. It's only because he owes Joanna a favor that he even picks up.

Ever direct, Joanna said that one of his old clients specifically asked for a date with him. Now this wasn't the first time that's happened since Dream got out of the business, but this is the first time the requester was Robert Gadling.

Robert Gadling was a name he hadn't heard in ages. For a time, Hob was a regular. He was a work hard, no time for play, tech guy, building his company one long night after the other, and he didn’t really have time (make time) for dating. Dream thought he was fantastic, and if their relationship wasn't transactional, Dream would have let those feelings he was catching take stronger hold.

At some point Hob met his Eleanor and had one last "date" with Dream and went off to eventually get married and live that life, a life without Dream. Dream didn't even keep tabs, that would have been so bad for his mental health, but last he heard, Hob sold his company for billions and stepped back to be with his family. Dream was (bittersweetly) happy for him.

Dream didn't know if he......, he said yes right away.

When Dream was ushered into the mansion by the sea, he wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't a giggling, streaking, wet toddler, who proceeded to use his leg to hide from his equally wet father --- the years have been super kind to Hob, "DILF" suited him. Hob still blushed, and tugged on his ear, the same; saying he hoped to have Robin down before Dream arrived. Hob never ceased to charm Dream, so Dream offered to help with bedtime.

Once Robin was down for the night (although, having a whole new,,,pretty,,, person around didn't help calming Robin down), Hob apologized for calling his old work number, but he didn't know how else to not so creepily contact Dream.

Hob was a retired widower now and could use a friend, especially one that might not mind being more,,,,without payment involved.

Oh hell yeah!!! Former lovers reconnecting is such a cute idea. I definitely think that Dream would get to a point where he's craving love, and Hob is out here with so MUCH love to give him! Truth is, Hob is so tired of being on his own (as much as he loves his son, he is clawing at the walls because he needs adult conversation). Hob would take anything that Dream would give him, and Dream is hesitantly hopeful.

As they renew their friendship, Dream sees that Hob is definitely a different man to the cocky, slightly crazy businessman he knew all those years ago. He's devoted to his son, he cooks, he's domestic, he wears jeans and football shirts and his hair is going grey. Dream falls in love at the mere sight of him. And Hob is also shyer than he used to be. He keeps blushing. Fortunately, Robin is happy to hold the conversation. Hob doesn't seem to mind having Dream around his son - he never mentions Dream’s previous career or makes any crude jokes. He just gazes, mildly starstruck, as Dream tells Robin a dozen shark facts and offers to paint one for his bedroom.

Inevitably they fall into each other's arms once Robin is tucked up in bed (Dream read his bedtime story). They snuggle up on the sofa and make out like teens, and go to bed without actually having sex. It's the reassurance Dream didn't know he needed, and when he wakes up to find Hob smiling at him and offering breakfast in bed? This time he's really hoping that he'll be allowed to stay forever.

[commander--wake]

commander--wake/beyonces_fiancee's top ten TLT fic rec list!

these are my top ten bestest fics thus far in no particular order. criteria to get on this list: I think about them all the time. my mouth was hanging open when I finished them for the first time. I recommend anyone read them, especially you, YES YOU. some of these are deservedly popular/widely read and some are criminally neglected.

I have a taste for dark fic, perverted kinky shit, intimate character studies, slow-burn tragedies, beautiful prose, and good sex writing. assume all of these are bittersweetly tragic at a minimum, fucked-up at a maximum.

the soul that seeketh him by bittybelle

john/a lot of ppl. all of this author's stuff is preposterously amazing but I had to pick one as a representative. so let's pick john fucking the pain away through the cohort, his lyctors, and everyone else within grabbing range, including before and after the Resurrection and his daughter and his other daughter and his surrogate daughter and all the women in the world. john is depicted with such compassion and with no mercy. "the dove in the clefts of the rock" is so good it makes me want to barf too. bittybelle has an amazing faculty for packing a sentence or a paragraph with information, characterization, and beauty as densely as a neutron star yet making it all seem effortless.

the 86 escapes of gideon nav by gimmeshellder (@jeejyboard on tumblr)

gideon & the 9th. my comment on jeej's fic: "This is freaking unbelievably amazing and gives me everything I wanted and didn't get from canon. Gideon's evolution and character are perfectly fleshed out in a way that fanfiction is all about. You have such a wonderfully deft hand and your style has evolved so much into a beautiful direction that marries rly well with canon but also has its own zesty angsty unique spice. Write Alecto pls xoxoxoxoxo" jeej understands gideon's internal workings in a way that I don't think anyone else does (at least not anyone I've read, so if you find that person, direct their works to me pls) and this fic is really important to me for that reason. it respects her life so much in a way that makes me want to cry

pretty when you cry by Elldritch (@elldritch-horror on tumblr)

gideon/cytherea. knuckle-bitingly sexy very slight canon divergence: what if palamedes hadn't interrupted just as "the old panic of confession seemed to rise up", and "dulcinea" groomed and manipulated gideon into becoming her cavalier to replace loveday? my comment: "it's really rare to find someone who writes a skillfully manipulative character who can think on both the level of that character and the one they're manipulating." Elldritch's cytherea is soooooo casual and careful and methodical and the starved orphan gideon is putty in her hands, in an extremely sick and believable way. and the kink/sex writing is so dark and twisted and mmnfnnfnfffff

and my burdens are light by elijah_was_a_prophet

alfred & cristabel, among others. an absolutely insane exploration of cristabel & alfred egging each other on, against a backdrop of all the other lyctors driving one another into sadomasochistic suicidal madness. the academic apologetics at the start warms the reader for what is to come. my comment: "I was already slavering and licking my chops at the footnotes and you did not disappoint!!!!! I’m completely fucking coocoo at John’s stupid memes being inscribed into divine writ and cited alongside the gospels. and the secret note… we need to talk more in this fandom about CILICES and HAIRSHIRTS and the SCOURGE!!! *clap emojis* [redacted spoilers] love the Lyctoral mutual destruction because real life has become so unreal that ripping each other’s bodies apart is the only way to touch the edge (my personal favorite headcanon). bravo!!!!!"

there is a light that never goes out by reconquer (@sophelstien on tumblr)

coronabeth/&ianthe, with a wide variety of side dishes. this is the quintessential corona fic, that explores two separate eras of grief in her life and all the ways that she has been fucked up and fucked everyone else up in her turn. her relationship with ianthe is so searchingly and intelligently explored, and fills in so much around the edges of canon in an unexpected yet "how-could-it-have-been otherwise" way, which is what the best fanfiction is meant to do. bpd coronabeth is my lodestone and this fic is my heartsong

feeling good was easy when he sang the blues by forjodssake

pyrrha/g1deon/wake. can't believe this is less than 6k words, it feels like a whole world unfolding before my eyes. the pre-Rez stuff is so heartbreaking and sparely crafted and the tangled tension between wake, pyrrha, g1deon, the ticking clock in the background, and the keenly-felt deprivation of life and culture that john perpetuated on the resurrected world... music is so lacking in the TLT 'verse but I never realized it until this fic shot a bolt through my chest with the pain and joy of "me and bobby mcgee" - a masterwork

more than the mountain by Raxheim (@theriverbeyond on tumblr)

g1deon/john, plus g1deon/pyrrha/wake. the quintessential g1deon fic. this fic more than anything gave me an understanding of g1deon's mentality: his devotion to john, how he could let it fall by the wayside for wake, how he could live without pyrrha for so many thousands of years... an excerpt from my comment: "the split gideon/pyrrha perspective is so f***ing effective and tragic. I half-wonder sometimes why she was heartless enough not to tell him somehow that she was still alive, but tbh, some things you just can't tell. she's been dead and gone so long that he's calcified into a living rictus without her... and even if she did tell him, they can never have each other again the way they did before. GAWD." and yes the splattergore is PHE NOM EN AL

so I open the window to hear sounds of people by oriflamme (@sunderedstar on tumblr)

gen john worldbuilding, with some john & alecto. the seven days of creation, post-apocalypse. marvelous characterization and very clever structure and a john that is so so so so understandable and so homely-sketched and human that the constant drumbeat of repellent death he cultivates like a garden around himself is almost, almost, almost offset. almost. seeing his relationship with alecto grow makes you understand just what is happening for him in a very upsetting way. this is really, truly excellent and I don't have to tell you about depression-blasting mitski and "the ice cream machines" to beg you to READ IT NOW

lux perpetua luceat eis by skvadern

pyrrha/g1deon, pre- and post-Rez. yet another <5k work that rips my fucking heart out. a brilliantly paralleled pyrrha pov of the two kisses they gave each other: before g—'s death by nuclear bomb, and before pyrrha's death by ascension. my comment: "the mirrored single kisses... gideon being a nerdy devoted engineer (bad posture, shitty fashion, chapped lips, struggles to cry, giant heart) who pyrrha can't help but sacrifice herself for in every lifetime makes me sob buckets of sobs. extremely essential very well done and assigned reading for everyone"

all that singing at the fingers by dire_quail (@direquail on tumblr)

nona/camilla. another one of those "a world in a sentence" authors, writing something that feels ripped straight from canon. a good nona voice (with a flash of alecto that punches through the text like a knife ripping through wallpaper) has a price beyond rubies, and stone top grieving longing suicidal camilla breaks me. that plus the achingly sensual sex language ("petaled swollen and ruined," "drawn helplessly tight on that talented and holy finger") just hooks this fic into my heart.

(honorable mention: three fics on my "marked for later" list that I'm hyped to read!)

at the last trumpet by liesmyth (@liesmyth on tumblr)

LUV me some christian exegesis in conversation with TLT themes. luv me some character explorations of the ninth. can't wait 2 read!

and rising in the dead time of night by a_big_apple (@a-big-apple on tumblr)

I think jeej described this as "in which ianthe tries to vat-baby-trap kiriona" so a of all yes and 2 of all it's a_big_apple so u know that shit is gonna be elegantly crafted

beauty, blossom, die by rnanqo (@rnanqo on tumblr)

idk it just looks dope as fuck and i'm not even an au person like that! I'm just ever so interested to see where the author goes with the notion and how they choose to flesh out the OG lyctors and cavs that we didn't get to meet ^_^

happy reading!

[empydoc]

SOUL EATER AU vincent & lovely

check out the masterpost here!

welcome to a redacted soul eater au post! here, i try and discover what it'd be like if you merged the soul eater world and mechanics within the redactedverse. this is the third post in the series of posts i'll make regarding the individual characters and their listeners! we've got vincent & lovely on the menu. enjoy!

༺♰༻

vincent —  soul type: meister strongest meister ability: soul perception - a technique all meisters have, but skilled meisters can see clearer personality or significant traits within souls. compatible with: lovely

vincent has a vampire soul, which is typically incredibly hard to match wavelengths with unless you're a vampire yourself. vampires tend to be sturdier / heavier when they're weapons, and stronger but faster when meisters.

surprisingly, vincent and lovely matched wavelengths pretty early on within their relationship, assumed to be due to their shared trauma (something that can bond someone closer to another).

i find that a common theme in this au is chance: the chance that two 'rare' sorts of people come together and bond over one another's circumstance. you'll see this with sam and darlin's post especially, but it also applies here with lovely and vincent- two traumatised, but very loving individuals.

༺♰༻

lovely — soul type: weapon weapon type: tazer compatible with: vincent

after lovely's latent powers manifested, everything regarding their weapon form made sense- including the unlock of even more powerful attacks. since their soul has gone through several changes, too, they typically are much stronger when it comes to being a weapon, even if their core reset itself when they turned.

lovely, like most elementals and energetics, has a weapon form related to their element/energetic ability. the electricity within their tazer form comes straight from their core.

one thing i knew for sure when brainstorming ideas for lovely was that i wanted their weapon form to be electric. the concept i'm going with is that even after they were turned, their weapon abilities stayed the same, because one's core and soul are different from one another. this means that, bittersweetly, lovely's tazer abilities are the last remaining electric abilities they have.

lite backstory: for every post i make for the characters, i'll add some au backstory to really fill in some details you may be curious about!

when lovely first came to wonderworld, they'd only recently been introduced to the concept of hunting kishin souls (something in the soul eater universe that most weapon/meister duos do. kishin souls are souls of creatures that've lost humanity and want to destroy everything around them, so weapons/meisters hunt them). the problem was, lovely didn't have a meister, and so they decided to go looking where their soul wanted them to look.

mistaking the signs, though, they found themselves in front of the vampire vincent. and, as much as it felt like lovely hadn't found what they were looking for at first, they eventually realised that it was what they'd needed all along.

[mocha-writes]

Tagged by @rlainarin to do this tag game

Three Ships:

Strahd von Zarovich/Patrina Velikovna (Ravenloft/Curse of Strahd): I admit they’re both close to—if not already at—the point of being original characters with the departures I’ve taken from canon when constructing my own lore for a potential CoS campaign, but I have been thinking about them for years (the guy who tagged me in this can confirm it). Every day I grow closer to the rewrite where the love story at the center of Ravenloft’s formation was theirs instead and they’re co-Darklords of Barovia.

Lestat de Lioncourt/Nicolas de Lenfent (The Vampire Chronicles): I just love how deep, meaningful, and ultimately terrible their relationship seemed in The Vampire Lestat. It’s such an inversion of the tropes I usually see associated with romance between childhood friends. The contrasts between them and their equally fierce emotions compel me, even though I know their story ends suddenly and tragically. (It also adds interesting layers to Lestat’s eventual relationship with Louis)

Orpheus/Eurydice (Hadestown): It feels a bit weird highlighting the musical rather than the myth it’s based on but anyway, I really love Hadestown Orpheus and Eurydice because of their contrasts and how they share each other’s worldviews (though in different ways) by the end, and how despite everything—despite reconciling Hades and Persephone and giving the world back its seasons—everything still ends bittersweetly.

First Ship: I’m pretty sure it was Erik/Christine from The Phantom of the Opera musical. I hadn’t even seen the 2004 movie or the stage version as a kid, but I squeezed everything I could out of (I think) Wikipedia and DeviantArt lists (the kind where one drew responses to prompts) about the film version and made things up in my own head. The memory that’s coming to mind is of gender-flipping them and trying to write my own play with that premise. Now, I personally prefer Raoul/Christine, but they still have a place in my heart, particularly the 1989 movie’s versions of them.

Last Movie: Hairspray (2007)

Last Song: “The New Girl in Town” (stuck in my head thanks to the aforementioned movie)

Currently Reading: The Vampire Lestat. It’s been slow-going with this one because Life but I have around 200 pages left. It’s made me appreciate Lestat even more, though I don’t necessarily believe everything he says.

Currently Watching: Not engaged with any TV series at the moment

Currently Eating: I had popcorn for a snack a while ago

Currently Craving: Stability, that setting up my new PC will go well, that I can play video games again and introduce my fictional people to my friends and their fictional people… I miss having the drive for OC asks and writing prompts. I’d like to get back into those somehow

This was originally titled something like “tag 9 people you want to get to know better,” but I struggle with thinking of people for these things… Tagging @perkeleen-lavellan , @hurl-a-can , @whenyoulosesmallmind and @darkspawntaxcollectors . There’s no obligation, as always, this was just fun and I thought I’d share. If you want to do this but weren’t tagged, do it anyway; let me enable you.

[ell-arts]

I just wanted to say this.. hehehe.

I recently received an au idea from my writing partner and he said something about one of the possible reasons why Tip spared Pac in Cosmic Contest could not only be his morals, but he also could have lost someone in his life that Pac was pretty similar to.

Quick question to you first off: How do you feel about this idea and my partner deciding that our poor man needs to have this trauma as a possible outcome for upcoming notes in my au :')

Because I do not want that for Tip, he does not deserve that >:(

Awww that's actually bittersweetly wholesome 🥺

On one hand, yeah poor Tip doesn't deserve such heartbreak-

Buuuuuuut

On the other hand, it's a great opportunity to give him some emotional depth 👀

You could work with it and have it be so that, because of this heartbreak, Tip was actually a wholly different character than he is now.

Perhaps this person whom he deeply cared for was lost long ago, and with the passage of time, Tip has healed from the heartbreak but he's also grown reserved and a bit nonchalant. This person whom he lost had meant so much to him that when they passed, he didn't feel like there was any value or purpose to life anymore, but he trudged on. In his grief, he didn't care that Apex recruited him in his army. He was useful, and it gave him something to do amidst the heartbreak, which only increased his negative outlook on life.

With time, he got back to his chipper old self, but his time in the military has conditioned him into obeying Apex's orders without question, even if it clashed with his morale. He's come to a point where, since he doesn't have anyone he cares for in his life anymore, then what was the point in caring at all, and so he rode on the high of the insterstellar missions that Apex put him on.

Until he met Pac.

It was a wake-up call for Tip, seeing how similar Pac was to the person he's lost. Spending that bit of time with Pac reminded him of the time spent with his lost loved one, and Tip realised that his loved one wouldn't want him to continue down this road of serving Apex against his morale. The realisation was the catalyst that made Tip turn against Apex and help Pac.

Or something like that! You could work with it so that even though Tip has experienced deep heartbreak, he was able to grow through it all and the height of this growth was him helping Pac.

[elegyofthemoon]

some work stuff thats been on loop in my head all week

so i think most of this week minus today, i've sorta accepted that i'm just riding a dying dream. that's mostly why everything feels very unreal these days just bc i wanted to distance myself from it i think. that at the end of this, i'll just fail again and then i'll fail out and that'll be it for me and i'll somehow magically pick up the pieces and sort my life out in some different way with the numerous backup plans i have saved for myself

but i'm still on top of stuff. i'm doing what i'm supposed to, even if it's kinda painful to do thinking that all this effort will amount to nothing in the end.

i get asked to review a new patient who came in the night prior to present to the other doctors, and i go and do that. i get to know the patient and try to figure out whats going on. i go and do my physical exam and all that, and at the end, when im trying to wrap things up, she stops me just to say "you're such a sweet and kind doctor. the other ones are so abrupt and dont listen to me"

i had to just kinda smile bittersweetly at that bc thats really all i want to be. i just want to take care of my patients and make sure they get the best help they can. i want to, but im no good medical student.

i thanked her again and left to go present the patient accordingly. the whole moment still sits with me a lot though and i just sorta play it on loop.

by character, i'm very much a caretaker. i love taking care of people and its always at the risk of overdoing myself - something i'm working on. if i could i'd do anything to keep up with this dream so that i can better help everyone. but i still find myself at a loss. i'm by no means smart. i just want to help however way i can, and if that means being in this position to do so, then i'm happy for it.

it just makes me sad because i'll meet the worst medical students - my peers - and i question and wonder and worry about the people who would fall into their care. i'm not saying i deserve their position. i understand i'm not smart enough to be where i am. heck, im even surprised i even got where i am tbh albeit i am also failing severely now lmao but it's just... it makes me sad that the smart people i meet are always so awful

at the very least, that moment with the patient was nice even if its bittersweet. it at least means that i was already where i kinda wanted to be as a person. i want to be there. and i want to take care of others because i care.

[quill-of-thoth]

Letters From Watson, The Noble Bachelor

Part 3: The Fun Bits

- Holmes did NOT have to make this a dinner theater, but he did. Because Watson is trapped at home by the weather? Because Lord St. Simon is footing the bill? So Hattie and Francis would get a much-belated wedding dinner?

- He also appears very ready to argue St. Simon down from his anger. And the feeling is valid but anything St. Simon would do stemming from it would do nothing but make the lives of innocent people more difficult.  - Missing, presumed dead is a trope, but it’s a lot easier to achieve believably in these days with travel and sending messages far more difficult. It’s made more believable by Victorian attitudes about the USA.  - Holmes’ visit to Hattie and Francis is also interesting to imagine. He’s a detective, but he knows you didn’t do anything wrong, you just... planned hastily. Everybody will feel a lot better if you all meet in secret at his place to talk it over - he’ll even provide a nice meal to celebrate your wedding! You mustn’t mind his roommate.  - Hattie must care enough about St. Simon to want this to go as least-terribly as possible for him. And this route does save her father a lot of grief too. St. Simon is... not so quick to cooperate.  - Holmes’ ideas regarding a US/UK global empire are, uh. You know the kind of retrofuturism that is so hopeful but also so fucking cringe? Yep. My dude. I have some READING for you to do. (How long do you think it would take to radicalize a victorian?) - After all this we skip the wedding dinner, which Holmes appears to have attempted to make enjoyable... if all went as he planned, would St. Simon and the Moultons be friends by the end? Does he think he can show off a little, feed everyone a nice dinner, and happily, instead of bittersweetly, resolve what is ultimately a case where nobody is to blame, or at least, nobody acted with malice? He doesn’t get a lot of those. - Love the actual evidence-finding in this case - the recipt. The prices alone narrow it down quite a bit, but were doubly lost on me when I first read this, being a modern american. I’m triply at sea because  the prices here are also so low that they’re really impossible to ballpark using only inflation calculators. The prices of food and lodging do not correspond to inflation anyway, as basically all of us are aware. Maybe I’ll add some historical comparison of wages vs. expenses to my projects along with the ongoing amended timeline. - Holmes gives the Moultons some “paternal” advice. Of note he’s like, barely thirty: Hattie is in her very early twenties and Francis presumably similarly aged. On the one hand, sir you are a hypocrite, on the other hand, I’m thirty and twenty-two year olds are kids. Especially if the solution to the problem is “you need to get over yourselves and talk this out.” - Holmes’ closing comments regarding that he and Watson are unlikely to ever be out both a spouse and an income in the same day are very, very hilarious if you, like me, presume that Holmes is aroace. I have legitimately told friends and acquaintances relating tales of romantic trouble (not theirs! I have some sense of when to shut up!) “Wow, glad I’ll never have that problem.” Also, when one remembers that Watson is weeks away from his own marriage, this could also be a clumsy attempt by Holmes to reassure him. This won’t happen to you, old chap. You’re the first and only person in Mary’s heart. 

[toodrasticallydumb]

20 questions for fic writers

Oh! Hello! I was tagged by @pinkytoothlesso11 ! Thanks for thinking of me pinky! I’m kinda new to the whole fanfic scene so i really appreciate it! This was already a long list of questions to begin with but i fear i may have made it worse…

OH WELL HAVE FUN SPORT :}>

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Unfortunately just 2, though I do plan to add a few more in the future as ideas flow. Might take me a minute ‘cause my schedule is just a little bit kinda sorta really swamped down with my main child which requires let me you, A LOT OF CARE DONT SIGN UP TO ADOPT KIDS PEOPLE IT’S NOT—

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Phew. ummmm it changes very rapidly (because i’m a girl w suspected adhd and can NEVER be told to shut up) with every chapter but as of this moment is 228,665! wow! i don’t really know how great of a number that is but i’m sure it’s a lot! I told you I can never shut up! (-whispers- Hey kid, u want some dRuGs? i mean- an update? That itty bitty word count is about to take another not regularly scheduled mini-skyrocket so get ready for it ehehe ;})

3. What fandoms do you write for?

For now, just Trollhunters/Tales of Arcadia, mainly Trollhunters despite the fact that the first of the Tales of Arcadia shows that i watched and really enjoyed was actually 3-Below, but oh well my man is in Trollhunters sooooo oopsie but i DO have some random snippets of fics for Miraculous (rewrite), the Star Wars sequels (rewrite), Batman, some for the Dream SMP, and weirdly enough also Raya and the Last Dragon (rewrite). All of which i prolly wont ever post because i wrote them a while ago and yeaaaahhh not my best writing but if i get enough people other than my best friend wanting me to post them, i might…

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

uhhhh i dont actually HAVE five fics to my name, so i’ll just…put em in order (w their long-ahh title names):

Trollhunter!Strickler: Destiny's Ill-fitted Chosen

'A MiStAkE' because I haven't updated in ages--A Stricklake month 2023 prompt collection

but i am so happy for the people who have left so many kudos on my work it really warms mah little heart ❤️

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. At first, I sorta struggled with it (who the heck am i kidding i STILL do) but since my fic USED to be two times a week updates i would feel like i couldn’t respond to a comment left after i posted a new chapter so i might’ve left some comments in the earlier days unanswered, super sorry. Nowadays i make it a point to reply back to everyone in the order that they commented in because (anxiety makes me think if i don’t respond they won’t comment anymore and know that i love reading their comments and that they’re so amazing for actually taking the time to write something back AND I DO LOVE IT I PROMISE IT JUST TAKES ME A WHILE TO RESPOND—) …because it’s pretty chill to geek out w em and see they liked stuff that i loved to write! I do have a backlog of comments to get to i just end up overthinking everything to match the person’s energy to be sure they know i love em.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Unfortunately, i haven’t actually finished a fully-fledged fic to say it has the angstiest ending bUt definitely a contender would be chapter 1 of my 2023 Stricklake prompt collection because i just leave it on the sad note and don’t do anything about it because angst and because spoilers for my actual story fic that will eventually make it to that point.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Happiest ending, huh? I like to say that most of the things i will/have chosen to write end happy/hopeful because i hate when books/tv shows end bittersweetly it’s like i have enough with life itself being bittersweet most of the time let me be happy LET THEM BE HAPPY. But that doesn’t exclude me from providing the proper banquet of angst that ends in caretaking, my absolute favorite trope.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Oh heck no. I would be devastated honestly, but thankfully everyone who comments is always the sweetest and kindest people ever and really encourage me to keep going, for that i am only thankful.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. Just no. I love romance but i am a minor, so i’ve never consumed smut nor intend to ever write it. Give me a soft romance and loving gestures, I can allude to greater happenings but not details.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don’t, sorry. I don’t know something in me just doesn’t sit well with crossovers, for the life of me I don’t know why. Like genuinely i wish i could get into them but maybe it’s like food on a plate? i don’t like the foods touching each other so maybe the same rules apply??? yeah i’m drasticallydumb

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that i know of, no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t believe so, and if someone did they’re in for a heck of a lot of work there…

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I’d like to sometime but i have no idea how one even goes about making a co-written fic, on top of which i am a very sporadic person in terms of motivation and random ideas produced by a song i’m listening to while writing.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Stricklake obviously is a really big contender if not the winner, the ship that brought me to AO3, writing fanfics, and tumblr. But, if i had to pick other options i’d say Eugene and Repunzel from Tangled would be one of my ogs, another might be uhhh Chris and Aviva from Wild Kratts the og of the ogs.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Chapter 3 of my stricklake 2023 prompt collection, it just has a lot of moving parts and me and my best friend are chronic procrastinators and with the month pretty far gone it might just end up sittin’ there for the foreseeable future 😞 but who knows

16. What are your writing strengths?

Phew, that’s a dozy mainly because i’m not super sure. I’d like to think one of my main strengths is descriptions and really putting you in the mind of the character, i don’t really like spelling things out and i like a little investigating to get you where u end up, u know? I like to think my writing FEELS a little more like a show on a page rather than a true book, most to blame would be my maladaptive daydreaming taking up a lot of time in my planning for my writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ah. How the turn tables. I would say that my weaknesses in writing mostly consist of me going a little *too* far into detail on meaningless things or making it too convoluted for people to understand, sometimes spelling it out is better in certain scenarios and i just really need to get myself past that. Another one i would say is that i go REALLY into detail not only in a sentence/chapter sense but also a complete STORYLINE sense, i hate time skips and i shoot myself in the foot wanting to completely document every moment of everyday w a character and hence it seems like a lot of time in universe hasn’t gone by. Trying to improve and grow tho 💪

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Can’t wait to do more of it! Especially with Claire and her family (including NotEnrique) speaking spanglish w each other automatically mainly because i am hispanic and completely fluent in Spanish and live in a similar household so i just love to add a little ✨personalization✨ to my dialogue and interactions in that way. Other languages………….yeaaaahhh i’m not super good will prolly use google translate and hope.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Trollhunters, my gateway into AO3. HOWEVER. if you promise not to tell, the very first fandom i read/wanted to write a fanfic for was actually, as far as i can tell, Wordgirl. don’t ask why. don’t ask me how. it just kinda happened. But, officially, it’s Trollhunters. (maybe with a side of Warrior Cats).

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Not hard at all! My pride and joy, my youngest baby in the grand scheme of my writing journey, Trollhunter!Strickler: Destiny's Ill-fitted Chosen! A surprise to absolutely NO ONE. It’s honestly so amazing to both write and see people read and enjoy as much as I do, he’s my little man ❤️ And doing so much rewriting and character growth and having so much written and planned for the future, it’s just my absolute fav

[kitkatopinions]

Anyways, I'm trying to forget the drama and the hate anons who were attacking me, so I'm going to talk about one of my stupid kind of niche little ships.

Don't ask me why I ship these two little idiots so much though it probably has something to do with the fact that I was and still am deep into the definitely not true but fun to think of Rory-is-the-Master theory.

But seriously, I wish everyone would watch the Matt-Smith-Amy-Rory Era of Doctor Who through the lens of a Doctor-Rory slow burn, because the pining. Like, just imagine it. The Doctor starts having feelings for Rory right around the Hungry Earth and then he DIES and the Doctor is the only one who can even remember it, so maybe he indulges a little in his feelings because who is he hurting when Rory doesn't even exist anymore but then he comes BACK and the Doctor literally calls him a miracle and then Rory is two thousand years old and married to Amy, and the Doctor has that moment where he bittersweetly calls Rory 'the boy who waited' while he watches him and Amy dance and reading that as the Doctor pining for what he can never have is so good! And right after that the Doctor is like 'maybe I should go and you two should stay here,' and that's not supposed to make he think he felt guilty about his feelings and also didn't want to watch Amy and Rory be happily in love? And then I'm sorry but the Doctor in season six almost always treats Rory like a peer who he respects and he hates when Rory is mad at him and then there's the whole thing where Rory was talking about Howie overcoming his stutter in the God Complex and 'not all victories are about saving the universe' and the Doctor is just so soft about Rory, and then he remembers Rory's favorite car, and he's always a little too super supportive and happy for Amy and Rory and tries to get them back together when they break up, but every time they kiss he's all annoyed? Huh, fancy that! And Rory is less obvious than the Doctor (I say 'obvious' but most of this is nothing but headcanon even though the Doctor also did kiss Rory full on the mouth) but at the same time, here's the thing for me. Rory tries so hard to be the guy who doesn't fall for the Doctor or his way of life, and yet he fits into it actually incredibly well, he's super intuitive when it comes to the Doctor and no matter how jealous he got, he never actually disliked the Doctor and actually believes in him a lot! I feel like Rory spent so much of his life making Amy the most important thing and revolving around her, but then when it comes to the Doctor, Rory works as a duo with him easily and does things like go back for the Doctor in Vampires of Venice. It's like he's always getting pulled in two different directions, part of him wanting to avoid the Doctor and TARDIS life and the other part of him just gravitating towards it and towards him anyway. I think that making headcanons for Rory in regards to this ship, I'd say that he probably just blocks out his feelings because obviously he loves Amy and he doesn't understand that he might be able to love more than one person, and the way he loves Amy is different than the way he loves the Doctor so he doesn't even make the connections. And also, the whole scene in the Wedding of River Song where Rory doesn't remember the Doctor or Amy or his regular life and the Doctor is like "you should date Amy," Rory can be read as interested in both Amy and the Doctor, and inwardly being like 'the attractive and amazing man we've been trying to get in contact with is telling me to date the attractive and amazing woman I work for wow.'

And I really don't know if I ship them as eventual endgame or if I just ship them as this underlining never spoken tension that just hurts the Doctor even more when he loses both of them, but either way, I can't get over it and I just really really ship it. Also I have so so so many problems with volume 5-7 DW, but the actors are all amazing standouts who made the characters great and I love all of them but I can't properly write for them and it's frustrating! XD

[sequestered-song-skirmish]

Round 1 Poll 38

Rainbow Electronics：　「While it has no lyrics, for me it is one of the most profoundly sad songs I've ever heard. It is also a very curious listen when you know that one half of the group is Kevin Penkin, famed composer of Made in Abyss and Rising of the Shield Hero.」

Craaazy：　「the story the song tells is interesting and playful yet bittersweetly ironic, and i think the instrumentation is enjoyable as well. the narrator of the song has known and loved the person they’re singing about for a long time, and has since watched them slowly spiral into madness and detach from reality. despite it all, they’re still in love with the person. the bridge of the song delivers the twist that before losing themselves, the subject of the song actually rejected the singer; claiming, ironically enough, that the singer was “too crazy” to ever be with. maybe, in the end, they weren’t worth being with in the first place.」

[beldaroot]

ANITA !!!! aaahhh ok so i’ve been super busy these past few weeks so i’m just catching up on buddy daddies ep 9&10 now and!!!! I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT IT TO SOMEONE!!!

ok first of all, any kind of sports day/festival episode in an anime is my absolute favourite and this one did not disappoint !!! i was literally smiling like an idiot the entire episode because of how into it kazuki and rei were, like rei sneaking into the school the night before so he could get the best seats in the front???? the cutest thing i’ve ever seen HELP OTL and rei getting all depressed because he tried to cheer on miri and accidentally made her trip ??? you’re telling me this man is an cold blooded assassin?? gsbshagsjshsk except i have to admit i fully sobbed at the end when miri had to find “family” for the scavenger hunt and she got her papas!!! i was crying just like kazuki in that scene T^T

but ohhh my god episode 10….. this one hurt so bad!!! of course at this point we know that kazuki and rei love miri and that they’ve grown used to this little family of theirs, but in this episode it really hit them of HOW MUCH of a family they really are and it’s really shattering my heart to see this family break up just when they’re all starting to be happy together T^T i loved kazuki taking miri and rei out for one last fun day together it was so sweet but the entire time i was only thinking about how they’ll have to say goodbye to their little miri soon…. i’m so anxious about what’s gonna happen next i just hope that these 3 will have a happy ending…. but i have a feeling we’re in for a bit more hurt :’[ do you have any theories for this show?? i’d be interested in hearing them if you do!!!

anyways sorry for this super long ask!! but you’re the only person i know who watches bd and i need to let all of my emotions out haha!! have a lovely day/night <3

ahhhhhh sunny i'm so glad you've caught up with the episodes!! i should've warned you how emotional these last two episodes were, i'm sorry!! but i'm so glad you enjoyed them :')

ep 9 was soooo silly and fun! i also love festival/sports day episodes and i knew kazuki was gonna be competitive as hell but it was so nice seeing rei be just as supportive and protective! i cracked up when he also wanted to kill that lil boy for getting to close to miri lol but i was also crying at his face when he made miri fall and when he realized miri gave him the "family" paper! rei's just stepped up so much (like the cereal onigiri OTL) and is really allowing himself to be emotional and i'm glad kazuki doesn't pressure him to change, that it's coming naturally bc rei genuinely cares for this lil family he has :')

and ep 10..... oh you don't understand how much i was BAWLING my eyes out over it!!! right when we see rei and kazuki open up to be a family and start anew, it all has to come crashing down OTL kazuki trying to lighten the mood by having one last fun day was precious, but then it got to the ferris wheel ride and i couldn't see past my tears bc it was so bittersweet! and then realizing that kazuki wrapping the scarf is a direct parallel to the cat in the first episode?!? i honestly don't want to make many theories bc i don't want to get my hopes up.... but i wish that it all ends with a happy ending. i think this show has been v successful so i wouldn't be surprised if they had an ova/movie in the works? if they do, then i can see it ending bittersweetly, like miri stays with her mom but comes visit kazuki and rei still, but then the ova goes into eliminating rei's family so there isn't any threat to miri anymore and then they can all live together? i'm not sure what's gonna happen with miri's mom though... like i don't want her dead lol but if she leaves again i feel like that would hurt miri a lot :( UGH it's all so sad to think about! but no matter what, they've all changed bc they've met each other and their one year together will always make them a family! <3 if you have any theories let me know!!!

[bettsfic]

Hi Betty! I meant to ask this a while ago but I only came around it now. Can you share your opinion on "After the Rain" I remember you reblogging a fan art of the anime from my Tumblr tagging it with: "This kind of disappointed me", and I was so curious about your take on it. Also, do you have any advice about how to approach the theme of a really big age gap? Let me narrow that. I'm thinking about writing a 21 yo woman meeting a 50 yo man and how they handle the age gap. I want to explore how such a couple would survive scrutiny and above all, I want to give her the power. Ok, not that narrow after all, sorry, I'm still trying to give this idea form, but I guess that's truly the core of it. Still, I would love to read you talking about this kind of topic. Thank you so much in advance!

After the Rain just kind of baffled me in its ambitions. like the first few episodes start it off as one thing and then it just kind of falls apart as the two main characters follow their separate trajectories and begin having nothing to do with one another (iirc, it was honestly so bland to me i can't remember a lot of it). the second-act slump is something i see a lot in 12/13-episode series. (and novels. especially novels.) anyway i'm sure the manga is better and i'd be willing to give it a shot at some point.

now to the second part of your question.

so there are really only two kinds of age gap stories: stories where the age gap is the conflict, and stories where the age gap only affects the conflict.

for example, the film Carol is about the relationship that develops between carol and therese. take that relationship away and there's no movie.

The Reader, however, is an age gap story that is actually about the Nuremberg Trials. there's an external plot present that the age gap feeds into. if you were to take away hanna and michael's relationship, there would still be a story, albeit a significantly weaker one. the age gap complicates and elevates the conflict of the story. (note that the movie is worlds better than the book.)

the thing about age gap stories that aren't fanfic is that i haven't encountered a single one where you're meant to want the two characters to stay together. the story tasks you with wanting to see how the relationship unfolds and inevitably ends because it's unsustainable. even the happiest ones with the highest suspension of disbelief tend to end at least bittersweetly, like Harold and Maude. occasionally we're tasked with the characters ending up together but it's a tragic ending because their relationship is super fucked up, like Phantom Thread.

so i guess that's the key: setting your suspension of disbelief. how "realistic" is the relationship and its consequences? The Reader is hyperrealistic and so it has an extremely low suspension of disbelief; both hanna and michael experience the consequences of their actions (mostly hanna's actions) to a degree so high that the entire film is about those consequences.

Harold and Maude, on the other hand, has like a 60 year age gap and the suspension of disbelief is commensurate with that. we're asked to believe maude can steal cars mostly without consequence and harold can turn a jaguar into a hearse. so tasked with believing those things, plus the stylistic elements of the film, the average audience member is pretty on board with harold falling in love with maude.

another consideration is the neurodivergence of the characters. in Leon the Professional, leon himself is a hypercompetent hitman but he's also emotionally very innocent and naive, and he struggles to form intimate relationships. meanwhile mathilda is outgoing, affectionate, and puts on a good front of wisdom. there are a lot of reasons a person's mental and emotional age may not match up with their physical age. in some cases, a person can feel both significantly younger and older than they are simultaneously. and it's those sorts of characters who often find their way into age gap stories. in fact despite what The Discourse would have you believe, very few age gap narratives are about straight-up predatory behavior.

what i find interesting is that in all my research of age gap stories, the only stories portrayed are the whirlwind romance ones. it's seen by default as unrealistic and unacceptable to be in an an age gap relationship. but there are some cultures in which age gaps are normal. but i guess when it's normalized it ceases to be interesting enough to write about. the appeal of an age gap story tends to be in the taboo of it, the "us against society" mentality, where society nearly always wins.

based on your description, it sounds like you have an age gap story where the gap affects the plot, and you also have a low suspension of disbelief. possibly the story may be a character study of the 21 year old, how she overpowers the 50 year old, and the consequences of they experience because of it, in the same way that Lolita is actually about humbert and the mirage of lolita, and dolores can only be seen between the lines. if you want the characters to stay together at the end, the work of the story will be convincing your audience they're right for each other despite being 29 years apart, unless their staying together is a tragedy.

so i would consider who these characters are and how their lives have led them to the feasibility of this relationship. what is it about them in particular that attracts them to one another? what will be their tragic downfall?

in addition to the movies i've cited above, i also recommend Sweet Bird of Youth, Secretary, Oldboy (korean version), Fish Tank, Y Tu Mama Tambien, American Beauty, Magnolia, and The Handmaiden. movies that feature age gap that i didn't particularly like but which still do interesting things are Stoker, Lost in Translation, Girl with a Pearl Earring, Phantom Thread, Call Me By Your Name, and An Education. there are plenty i haven't seen and even more i haven't read but i hope these are a good place to get started to generate some ideas of how you want to approach your story.