#also i strongly believe there are more neurodivergents in this world than people think

[kasumingo]

So tired of mfs going "everyone wants to be lgbt/neurodivergent now!! stop using our language!!"

it's as if the internet gave people ability to explore themselves and realize there is something going on, especially when they congregate together in groups that share those traits

It’s as if these words describe their experience and helps them in one way or another

[justmossyall]

autism self-appreciation post!!

I love the way my hair bounces when I stim!

I love how I see all the little details in the world.

I love that I am accepting of all people and don't care about their differences, only who they are as a person.

I love that I have so much empathy and love in my heart and that people trust me to talk to them and make them feel better.

I love that I am not afraid to be myself and that I inspire others to do the same!

I love that I am finally gaining the confidence to unmask in public and to be who I really am.

I love that I notice things more easily than other people. while this can sometimes lead to sensory overload, it is also a positive trait that I love about myself.

I love that I have hyperlexia and I'm an avid reader. not all autistic people are hyperlexic, but that is just one more thing that makes me special :)

I love that I find happiness in the simple things in life, and that I appreciate even the smallest things.

I love that I can see into a person's heart and get to the root of why they're acting a certain way (well, most of the time) so that I can try not to get angry at them.

I love that I have so much passion for the things I love. my special interests are amazing, and I love to spend my time learning about them and taking part in them.

I love that I am so creative!

I love that I don't act my age, because I don't need to and I can do whatever I want. if I want to enjoy childish things, that is completely fine and valid! nothing wrong with watching Daniel Tiger as a teenager :D

I love that I can recognize when other people are neurodivergent like me and help them to accept and love themselves.

I love that I see the world in a different way than others, and therefore can think of things that others don't notice.

I love that I am so much like a cat! I love cats!

I love that I find everyone beautiful, even if they don't match society's portrayal of beauty.

I love that I have such a good memory, even if I don't always remember the things I need to.

I love my stims! stimming is beautiful and wonderful, and no one should ever be ashamed of it <3

I love that I can understand animals on a deeper level than others, and that I can make them all love me :D

I love how strongly I connect with nature, and how I feel so at peace when I am in nature.

I love that I prefer comfy clothes over stylish clothes. I look beautiful in everything!!!

I love that I can connect with other autistic people and help them to feel safe around me.

I love that I stand up for what I believe in and advocate for what is right.

I love that I have such a rich and vibrant personality, and that I am just so amazing and wonderful.

Most of all, I love everything about me! And all autistic people - and all neurodivergent people - and all the people of the world! we are all so special and unique.

read these to yourself every day if you can. you are wonderful, my lovelies. don't let anyone tell you otherwise, because they are wrong. I love you <3

[aroaceconfessions]

As an aroace with abusive parents, found family has always been something I really strongly desired and longed for--That sense of community and understanding love I never received from my parents, and I don't have the opportunity to receive from a romantic partner. As time went on--I'm in my 20s now--I started to develop those kinds of connections to people in a hobby group I've been in for most my life.

As an aroace with abusive parents, found family has always been something I really strongly desired and longed for--That sense of community and understanding love I never received from my parents, and I don't have the opportunity to receive from a romantic partner. As time went on--I'm in my 20s now--I started to develop those kinds of connections to people in a hobby group I've been in for most my life. It's been hard, but I think at least one person there cares for me. Platonically, familially, cares for me. Probably more than one person, logically more than one, but uh--it's hard to say that.

Because it's strange. What I never knew, never learned before I started truly kind of believing that this was happening, was that I'd be plagued with doubt so constantly. It seems like everywhere--shows, movies, tv, books, magazines--It's romance or blood family that's most important. Some random unaffiliated neurodivergent and traumatized 20-something? Take a hike. You're not a daughter or a mom or a girlfriend, right, so why bother?

It's like I'm constantly fighting against those ideas internally. Even though by all means I have what I've wanted for so long, I still fight myself constantly, I have to constantly tell myself that I'm not delusional. I archive text message conversations as 'proof', collect meaningless little trinkets that remind me of them. It's tiring to constantly have to reassure myself.

I'm happy more often than not, and I'm so lucky to be able feel so loved much of the time, to get hugs every week and watch movies together and wander in a park motivelessly. Hell, I could rave about how that one person I mentioned earlier for a whole post, how much they've helped me, their habits and quirks, how I felt safe in a way I never had before. I'm so grateful.

It just also feels like I'm being gaslit by the whole world sometimes.

Submitted February 10, 2023

[rubsjuice]

The Mayor Rant

no need to say it twice my friend

This is my unadultered rant on the character of Wayward Vagabond, The Mayor, and how he was robbed by everyone who ever had creative control over him

Okay, so let me start with a simple "Who is WV". WV, the Mayor. He was a simple farmer in Skaia, he's seen the horrific consequences of monarchy and war and he thinks he and his friends could do a better job at organizing society. He has a very black and white (pun intended) way of thinking and he often punishes himself for silly thoughts. Remember when he calls himself stupid over and over and hits himself over the head for thinking of a silly thing to do?

Over the course of homestuck, he develops a set of traits that we can very easily consider PTSD after he sees Jack Noir slaughter countless brothers-in-arms without regard for shell color, shape or alignment; he has night terrors about it, and very specifically about becoming just the same if he ever puts the ring of whatever four-fold to transform into a powerful beast to hunt down Jack Noir for it. He's afraid of becoming just the same as the people he swore to destroy, and this is so. important. for his characterization. He's a kind, gentle, and stern leader who isn't afraid of gathering troops or guerilla fighting of course, but he shies away from mindless violence and death, and he'd rather not send troops to be slaughtered like they're nothing. This is the Mayor. A man with simple roots, a dream, and overwhelming trauma.

(ngl same)

So what did Hussie do with this incredible backstory and development, a couple thousand pages down the line? When WV was stuck in the meteor with a bunch of teenagers and confused out of his fucking mind?

He turned him into davekat's little pet

Like seriously the flaunderization of WV is something no other character experiences in the entirety of the webomic, how the fuck do you go from "revolutionary democratic leader" to "two teen's bug puppy"? Dave flat out talks to and about WV as if he was a pet, or at the very least a creature with less sapience than he does

Karkat sorta has a conversation with him? But it's mostly framed as a joke, so the narrative wasn't treating him seriously anyway

That's a really big problem, because if the narrative doesn't treat him like a person, the fans don't have any incentive to do so either. I've seen more fanart that treats him like he's an irrational animal than I've seen art treating him as the real complex character that he is. I've seen humanstuck AU fanfics that write him as davekat's old golden retriever. I can tell whether an artist treats WV seriously or not by looking at how they draw him (it's always something in the eyes). Paired with the fact that a lot of his "silly behaviors" are either symptoms of mental illness or externalizations of neurodivergence, it all gives me a very sour taste in my mouth.

After all that and Collide, WV gets his happy ending, building a town and community in Earth C

Or did he?

I present to you: the credits

In which is established the existence of a, and I quote "carapacian kingdom" in Earth C

Based on my exposé you probably figured out that WV would be at the very least be reticent about naming anything in the new world a "kingdom" even if post-canon implies it's not actually a kingdom, what matters here is the presentation; as someone who believes strongly in the representative democratic system, the way things are worded would be incredibly important to WV, so why would they think that's acceptable at all for him?

The credits showing Callie and Roxy as like the leaders also boiled my blood a little bit because of how chess racist roxy is i mean really those guys raised her from infancy and she thinks they're lesser than her, never bothered to learn their language and thinks they're helpless without her bringing them pumpkins like ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS

All that just left me with the unwishful thinking that Earth C was a paradise for trolls and humans but if you weren't one or the other you were treated with indifference because you were just "a silly salamander" or "a little chess guy"

And I know that the epilogues and Homestuck 2 explicitly made the credits not canon, but they follow the same baselines and the same attitude about the aliens that we can call "game constructs", so really how non-canon could it be

I was blissfully thinking about ways to explore that when the bonus updates dropped, and in one of them there's a long block of purple prose basically outlining the authors' perfect democratic system (which kind of really sucks if you know anything about politics besides twitter buzz words but that's besides the point) and attributing that "marvelous feat of democracy" to WV as if he would ever think separating representation by race was a good idea

He's been part of a race war before! he knows how things like that start!!

And in the end they even write some bullshit about WV thinking "ooooh maybe it won't work out i'm scared of it happening oooo" because deep down they know they're full of shit and they know this is a disservice to the character but they don't care about it enough to make something decent. He might be a simple farmer but he's not incompetent

Anyway, this doesn't really matter at all anymore because of intricate twitter drama i don't have time nor energy to type out, i'm just really really passionate about this guy

This was WV, he lived, he served cunt, died twice and was grossly mischaracterized in two completely different directions by anyone who had any creative liberty over him

[vizthedatum]

Updated blog disclaimer

Please note: I am not communicating with my ex-spouse currently. We are recently divorced but have a no-contact order until the end of December 2023. Dec 31, 2023 Update: the order has expired but I DO NOT PREFER TO TALK TO THEM OR THROUGH A THIRD PARTY. I am not communicating with them through any third party (except for our lawyers). These posts are not at all an attempt to communicate - it is *art* and *expression* and my personal account of what has happened in our relationship. It does reflect reality. I want people to know. It's not just emotional processing for me - I think people need to know what domestic violence looks like. And you should tell your story too - there need to be more examples of all types, in all different relationships.

Dec 31, 2023: I also talk about non-abusive relationships. I strongly believe that I own everything that has happened to me. I can protect people’s privacy and respect boundaries, but I will not limit myself from talking about my own experiences, journeys, and thoughts… and those are often tied to real people’s lives. I obscure identities as much as I can, but I’m a writer and artist… the world and my life are my source material. This is a moral judgment call on my part, and you don’t have to agree.

This blog uses the phrase "narcissistic abuse" which is a hotly debated phrase amongst the neurodivergent and disabled communities. I am disabled, and I do not promote ableism. I do not think the usage of "narcissism" is ableist nor do I think it adversely affects those who have narcissistic characteristics. I am not discriminating anyone but I am sharing how I’ve personally made sense of the abuse. I have nothing against people with diagnosed disorders. The specific cycle of narcissistic abuse is Love-Bombing/Idealization to Devaluation to Discard to Hoover/Reengagement (and the cycle repeats).

If you find the content triggering, then kindly block/unfollow/ignore this blog - I will not change my mind until there comes a time when there is a term that better describes the specific cycles of abuse and patterns of behavior I've gone through in my life. I do acknowledge my own toxicity and my own patterns of harm in this blog. I am tired and offended by justifying my experience and my usage of a phrase that has literally saved my life in the past year. Understanding that what happened to me was specifically "narcissistic abuse" has made the context of my life more crystal clear than ever before. Please see one of my many posts that address this issue or search the internet about the debate yourself. If you cannot see the nuance in what I'm saying, then this blog is not for you.

If you choose to harass me based on how I word my experiences (keeping in mind that I’m not going to your blogs and invalidating your experiences (I have only done so in defense of someone else’s initiation but I will not anymore)) instead of advocating for a better term that best describes my experience (that is more nuanced than just emotional/physical abuse), then unfortunately you are harassing and silencing an abuse victim. Victims are already in a place of self-doubt and self-blame. They are aware often in a state of extreme reality distortion. And we often have an extreme amount of compassion for the people who have harmed us.

Before you call us ableist, try to understand why we're talking about it.

Future employers and anyone else: I am a queer and trans person of color who is a citizen of the United States of America. I have undergone a lot of abuse, and I am exercising my first amendment rights as a citizen of this country. I am sharing my experiences as authentically and honestly as I can. I am receiving mental and physical healthcare, as best I can with my resources. My training is in healthcare, and if I cannot be honest with who I am then it would be incredibly hypocritical for me to practice epidemiology or clinical data analysis in healthcare. If you choose to discriminate against me based on my identity or my emotional processing of the abuse I have endured (or even the poetry/art/writings I share), then you are willfully denying employment to a battered domestic violence survivor (and I have gone through domestic violence multiple times). I would not work for such an organization anyway. My skills and qualifications speak for themselves, and I will do what I want - and I'll do a good job of it too. Thank you. Addition as of Nov 6, 2023: I have an open call for a nesting partner and future co-parent. Read more here.

[underwhelmingalchemist]

For the violence asks: 8 & 13

*chanting* violence, violence, violence-

8 - common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about: No fandom was specified so we're talking about Tony Stark within the MCU. Specifically that, believe it or not, he's not a completely horrible character with no redeeming qualities or points in his favor! I can totally understand hating him. That's completely fair. BUT. The fandom, or at least the fandom on tumblr, treats him like he's pure evil. I think a good deal of people think that even within the canon of the movies he's worse than Thanos. But I feel like a lot of people want to ignore the fact that, like him or not, he's a complex character with a lot of depth. He's not some golden boy, and imo, he's never treated like one. Not by the movies (except maybe Endgame, but fuck Endgame), and not by the other characters around him. He's a deeply traumatized dumpster fire of a person with too much money and privilege, and I don't think he knows how to be a good person. But damn does he try. He's motivated by an often misguided notion of how to improve the world, one that's influenced by his upbringing. It's strongly implied that he was abused and neglected as a child, and that the butler, Jarvis, was more a parent to him than his actual parents ever were. Howard provided a perfect model of his future pattern of substance abuse and partying. He's been through numerous apocalypse scenarios, and was shown to have strong PTSD, along with likely some form of neurodivergence (I'm sorry, but no neurotypical person is hyperfocusing on an engineering project for days on end with no sleep and losing track of time). Tony was raised surrounded by wealth and privilege, and was never taught how to be a good person. But through the Iron Man trilogy, we see him trying. We see him struggling with facing his own mortality through the thing that once saved him killing him, we see him facing his personal demons in Iron Man 3, and we see him doing his best through all of it to stumble through the path to being someone he can not hate when he looks in the mirror. And yeah, he sucks at it. Watching Tony Stark trying to be a good person is a bit like watching one of those wobbly kittens try to eat out of a food bowl that's not theirs and only succeeding occasionally and very messily. But I think that's part of why I enjoy his character. I think I like watching someone who is so damn far from perfect struggle to become a better person, battling his personal demons, and I don't think his wealth completely erases that battle. Also, the later movies completely fucked over what was being developed through the Iron Man trilogy and just made him into what other people would have seen him as without holding any regard for his internal struggles and characterization, but they also did that with, like, most of the characters. Name a single MCU character they didn't make worse over time. I

13 - worst blorboficiation: I'm a little confused by what this one means. IMO everyone should have a blorbo. I strongly support everyone adopting a character and rotating them in their mind for 8-12 hours a day, no matter who that is. You can pick the most despicable resented character in canon and I will still fight for your right to go a little rabid for them. Foam at the mouth a little, it's good for you

Thanks for the chance to rant, Alex :3

🔥choose violence ask game🔥

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

I'm kind of bitter about jungkook being singled out for the world cup with a possible solo song because he's conventionally Man and Het and the one people expect to like and enjoy football when that's always been jimin, who's also the best player too as far as we saw. But of course jimin has not been considered because he doesn't fit the mold. And I'm tired of jimin not being seen as a man enough, of being treated like lesser then, have the famous women treatment and insults thrown at him from everywhere. It's not fair

I wouldn't say I'm bitter, but it's more of the feeling like when you were expecting something and get something else lol. Pretty much the same as I felt when it was announced that With You would be a duet; I thought it was Jimin's solo but then it didn't turn out that way and I wasn't upset but there was that feeling of having to get used to something different than what you were expecting. I kind of feel the same way about the world cup thing because it was said at first that BTS would do the song, and obviously we all thought that it would be the whole group.

Now, Jungkook has always been BTS brand, if there's one way bighit could summarize BTS as a brand, it would be JK. He's quintessentially theee idol from his singing and dancing to his looks to the way he interacts with fans, it doesn't get any more idol. That's objective facts, and it's there whether anyone acknowledges it or not, maybe you don't like him as a person or whatever, but he is talented, that's what I mean by objective facts. And like you said, which is something I 100000% agree with, he's objectively Het and Man and commercially easier to digest than other members. Some people would even tell you he doesn't "look too Korean". Even if he turns out not straight, even then, his gender expression is not blaring any sirens and none of us actually know anything about his love life. So he's conventionally het, masculine, singer, dancer, attractive and hot, evasive enough to keep people interested but not actually telling, that's literally idol 101.

On top of that, he also has a lot of subjective elements "projected" (for lack of a better word) onto him, like he's the baby of the group, everyone loves a Jungkook ship, people see themselves in him because they see him as awkward, shy, gay, introverted, etc. Some people even think he's neurodivergent (which is a tremendous stretch). Idols kind of need to be a blank slate where people can see themselves reflected.

I've talked before about when there were news in 2018 that JK had bought his own apartment and bighit immediately put out a statement about how they "couldn't confirm". That was November 2018 and before that we already knew Taehyung, Yoongi, Jin, Hoseok had bought their own apartments and there were no statements about them but with Jungkook suddenly there was. This was when they were still "living together" on record, so I remember thinking they couldn't say the youngest had left home because then what happens to the happy family story? Mind you, late 2018 was the year almost everyone got their own homes and by 2019 they were already arriving to airports and schedules on very obvious designed sets that made sense with their known addresses (Hoseok+JK, Jin+Yoongi, Taehyung alone, sometimes with Namjoon, Jimin alone or sometimes with Namjoon too).

I strongly believe he was chosen by the company to represent the group in Qatar because of everything mentioned above, and he will probably keep being selected as the "face" of the group to participate in events that the group was supposed to participate in. Namjoon also fits a lot of what I said about JK, adding to that his position as leader and that he speaks English so I think he will be chosen to "represent" the group in the same or similar ways.

[forjustice]

I would reblog this for my Cyrus because he is autistic, but he would not describe himself as having succeeded in like….any of his struggles. To him his entire life is a losing game--just. Mistake after mistake until it all became irreparable.

He compares himself a LOT to his ancestor Eisen, Volo's abusive father who also horribly misused his insane amounts of cosmic power for his own ends. And he makes that comparison in all the worst possible ways. While what Cyrus did was certainly heinous, I would argue that Eisen was worse. Because even though he didn't try to destroy and remake the world, he was a horribly bigoted imperialism apologist who had no greater vision than simply to advance himself in the structure of white supremacy and he used his supernatural power to forcibly drag an entire marginalized community down with him. The similarity that Cyrus finds with Eisen though is that they were both neurodivergent and otherwise multiply marginalized, suffered a lot for it, and chose what they thought would be the easy way out while hurting untold amounts of others in the process.

Cyrus also felt, even long before the events that led him to create Galactic, that he was unlovable. He was always very aware that he was much more difficult than his sister Cynthia to like....He had a core group of a few close friends, and he tried to make more, but he kept fucking up with others and also in general had problems trying to make new friends in the first place. Rheia pretended to be a source of comfort for this as "Chava," but deep down she wanted him to believe that he was fundamentally unlovable so he'd also think she was the only one who'd ever be his friend to make him easier to manipulate--and it worked.

That isn't to say, however, that Cyrus is completely not responsible for Galactic. It was, after all, made from the worst possible manifestation of his self loathing beliefs. He had always felt like he had a broken and incomplete spirit due to his emotions; Galactic was Rheia enabling him to project that on everyone else. He genuinely did believe that not only would his life be better without emotions, other peoples' would too. He just never thought himself capable of making that change and therefore didn't really desire to until Rheia took over.

[tw suicide mention]

One further complexity in the issue lies in the fact that Cyrus hated Rheia to the end. If he had ever completely believed that Chava was in fact Rheia, he never would have put up with her as long as he had, let alone taken her deal. Unfortunately, if he did ever have this belief, it's very likely he would have killed himself. Rheia posing as Chava was basically the person he believed was his one true friend for at least two whole decades. Given his difficulties with making and maintaining friendships, he really didn't feel like he had anyone else in the world, so him losing that will make him feel as though he has nothing, nothing at all--and that he never had anything to begin with.

It did, in fact, make him feel as though he had nothing given now that he's aware that this betrayal did actually happen. The only thing stopping him from being intensely suicidal now is the fact that he doesn't have enough emotions left due to the damage done to him that he can't feel strongly about suicide.

[despondent-beauty]

I don’t want to reblog the og post but the post you asked which interpretation was correct on, where you weren’t sure if they were mocking ND individuals, the answer is 4 I think.

The way I interpreted it, the first person is essentially saying (in a pretty harsh way) that if you gain your understanding of morals purely from children’s shows then you are more likely to have insensitive, unnuanced or possibly even offensive takes on real world issues. They’re not saying it’s wrong to like those shows, they are mocking a certain type of person who indirectly refuses to engage with nuanced perspectives by only consuming possibly quite simplified media. The OP is doing this in a way that comes off as funny but also mean. It’s mocking, but it’s mocking of a very specific caricature of a person that they’re using to make a point.

The second person is taking this to mean that they are mocking all neurodivergent people. This isn’t in my opinion really a good take, because 1. the OP isn’t doing that, and 2. It’s implying that all neurodivergent and queer people only consume children’s shows, which isn’t true.

Again this is my interpretation, so take it with a pinch of salt, because I am biased against the second person - I’m a queer neurodivergent person and I very strongly believe that in order to have nuanced perspectives on the world you need to engage with a wide range of fiction and non fiction media, but most importantly you need to engage with real world issues and talk to people, rather than just getting your entire idea of morality from The Owl House. This is also not to say kids shows are bad. I like them. They just can’t give you a good framework to interpret the nuances of the Iraq war or the homelessness crisis. ^This is also (if I’ve interpreted it correctly) fairly similar to what the OP actually means.

I hope this helps a bit?

Thank you for this interpretation. I didn't think of it.

[vipgirlsnz123]

Online Sex Work Allowed me to be a Better Mum

I’m standing at the check-out line at Costco with my teenage son. Our cart is overflowing with household supplies for an entire family. I am watching the total go up until it reaches the final number: $437. I quickly scan the contents of my wallet, and then, without thinking, I pull out five $100 bills. My son looks momentarily surprised. “Mum,” he says, “Where did you get all that cash?”

I tell him the first thing that comes to mind, the first thing I think of that seems plausible: “I sold something.” Sometimes, we lie to protect our children. Sometimes, our children also pretend to believe our lies to protect us. He doesn’t ask any more questions.

In reality, the cash is whore money, a sum equal to one hour with one client. This fact silently fills the space between us. We both pretend not to feel it.

I Hope Sex Work Is Normalized in Future Generations

My older kids—including the one with me at Costco—know that I’m a sex worker. I told them years ago when my public persona as a writer on a sex work beat grew too big to hide. My husband and I took them out to dinner, where we explained that I write about the online sex work that I do (camming, independent porn production, phone sex). They asked a few questions but didn’t react strongly; they were expecting me to tell them I was pregnant again, and news about what I did to pay for the dinner they were enjoying was less exciting.

That night, when I “came out” to my kids, I told them the truth about my work. A few years later, I transitioned to seeing clients in person, but I didn’t mention my switch to criminalized labour. To an extent, the nature of my contact and relationship with clients is not their business. But more importantly, I didn’t want to burden them with information that would scare them or would make them feel like they had to carry my secrets.

While I have raised my kids in an accepting environment where they have had exposure to all kinds of people, including those in the sex trades, I cannot create an entire world for them. Despite my best efforts, they still exist in a culture where “your mother is a whore” is one of the most biting insults. The idealist in me works hard to normalize sex work to such an extent that my children’s children won’t be able to understand why this is an insult. Perhaps this is a bit optimistic, but maybe their children’s children or their children’s children’s children? The realist in me recognizes that right now, my occupation puts the very thing that I care most about—my kids—at risk for shaming, harassment or worse.

Online Sex Work Allowed Me to Be a Better Mother

Anyone who has spent much time around sex workers recognizes that we are a diverse group of people who come from all walks of life. Despite the cultural insistence that no one would enter the industry for reasons other than force or desperation—a narrative shaped by second-wave feminists’ anti-sex work rhetoric—the reasons for entering sex work are as varied as the people who occupy the profession.

What is also clear to anyone familiar with the industry is that it is overrepresented by people who suffer from other forms of marginalization: those who are disabled, neurodivergent, trans, queer, working class, poor, non-white, mothers or other forms of caretakers, etc. While this fact is often interpreted to mean that only those with few options would do sex work, this interpretation fails to recognize that the sex industry serves as a safety net for those who are excluded from conventional forms of employment. It offers flexible work with a low barrier to entry to folks who have been failed by the state, suffered systemic discrimination and/or have responsibilities or disabilities that preclude them from working full-time.

I came into sex work in my mid-30s, after leaving my first marriage and the career I spent my entire adulthood up until that point trying to build. My world had turned upside down, and I was in a financial crisis that was only amplified by the fact that one of my children started to have serious mental health issues—so serious, in fact, that taking care of her became a full-time job. At the time, I had a boss who tried to be supportive but who couldn’t count on me to follow through with the tasks he assigned. I would spend hours at work on the phone with doctors, social workers and the school district, trying to stitch together enough resources to keep her safe. I also missed days of work after sleepless nights in the emergency department of the psychiatric hospital, and I often left early to pick her up when she was having psychotic episodes at school. Keeping her alive was my priority, and when my boss let me go, I understood why.

Online sex work, the form of sex work I turned to first, became a way for me to make money on my own terms. I didn’t have a boss; no one complained if I took a day off; and I could work between crises. I would sit in the waiting room or on the phone with doctors while posting advertisements for my services on Twitter, sexting for pay with my clients or updating my OnlyFans account. In other words, I could keep my family afloat when my time was limited and most of my emotional resources went to parenting. What’s more, hourly rates were higher than in any other job I’d had (despite having two graduate degrees), allowing me to work fewer hours and be home when I needed to be.

The Threat of Violence and State Intervention Looms Over Me

My career in sex work has been complicated, but it’s absolutely intertwined with motherhood. I did what I needed to do so that I could be the mom I needed to be. I don’t regret it. I was able to hold my daughter’s hand when she needed it, and years later, I was able to be home for her younger brother who has special needs when school after school told us that, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, they didn’t have the resources to help him.

I’m not the only mother with this story, but I can only speak for myself. While I know I made the right choice for myself and my family, I also know that the world, by and large, doesn’t agree. The United States, where I live, is in the midst of an intense moral panic that conflates all sex work with sex trafficking and is actively working to criminalize all aspects of the sex trades under the guise of an anti-trafficking agenda. We also still live under the cultural weight of Christianity’s Madonna/whore complex, which sees motherhood and sexuality as diametrically opposed. I know that should someone want to use sex work against me, they could attack my fitness to be a mother: What respectable mother engages in prostitution? And they would probably be supported in doing so.

State intervention and violence vis-a-vis my kids loom large over my head, despite the fact that motherhood is my most important role. I live under the threat of losing my kids should the wrong person find out what I do to pay for their needs. Perhaps only other sex working mothers would understand the sheer panic that came over me when I found a sign that one of my teenagers had made as a joke that read, “Nudes for sale.” That night, I woke my kid up in a panic to stress that if anyone saw the sign, my husband and I could be under suspicion for trafficking, and given my profession, we’d likely be jailed.

Perhaps only sex working parents would also understand why having our son’s preschool complain about his shoes, clothes and lunch—nitpicky things that all schools send home notes about—feels extra weighty when you know that any investigation into how you live your life could, given a particular judge’s biases, be used as evidence that you are unfit to parent. While it is generally believed that adults can both work and have sex without it negatively impacting their children, sex working mothers are not offered the same benefit of the doubt, which is ironic because sex workers are experts in maintaining healthy sexual boundaries (if job descriptions for sex workers existed, it would be near the top).

I Hope All Sex Working Mothers Will Feel Safe One Day

The criminalization and stigmatization of sex work makes it less safe for everyone who trades sex for money or resources. It makes us loath to call the police when we have been mistreated or assaulted by a client, driving our advertising further and further underground and making it harder to screen clients and offer each other resources that keep us safe. It also isolates us from society when we could use resources and support.

All of this is amplified for mothers, who fear that their work may jeopardize their ability to care for their kids, which is ironic given that many of us, myself included, became sex workers in large part because it afforded us the resources to take care of our kids in a world that offers little support to working mothers, particularly working mothers with kids who have disabilities, special needs or health issues.

I don’t hide the full truth of my work because I am not ashamed of the work that I have done. In fact, I have found a lot of meaning in it. When my kids are old enough to understand the choices I made, I will share the full extent of my work history with them, should they want to know. But until we move into a world in which all mothers, especially sex working mothers, are trusted to make the best decisions that they can for themselves and their children, most of us will continue to keep it hidden for fear of unthinkable consequences.

[zaeedsflipflops]

I have just so many things to say about Liam and I wanted to make an eloquent, cohesive post about him but I’d rather just rattle things off.

First off, there’s the way he communicates. He’s never said to be neurodivergent in-game, just as Sera isn’t either, but as someone with ADHD I relate so strongly to how he expresses himself.

“I miss being able to give directions from what used to be there. Turn where the chip shop used to be.”

“Back in the Milky Way, we were knocking on the doors of stable clones, but that’s different. The bits are already there; it’s snap-together.”

Like Sera, other characters sometimes react like he’s not making sense, but for me he’s the character whose motives and trains of thought are easiest to follow. He’s actually a lot like Sera; they even have a similar scene where they express frustration over things not being back to normal and needing the familiar.

There’s the way he uses movies as a way to connect, not just with the movie night but attaching lists of movies to his emails that relate to its contents (and in the romance, includes a list of all of them called the Truth -- in his words “no secrets”). As the person who's always giving out movie recs and definitely uses movies and tv to connect and understand others, I love that.

There’s the way he’s constantly trying to connect and bridge gaps between people; he wants to build bridges and to do what’s best for everyone. His scene with Jaal where they’re needling each other to find out what’s okay and not okay to say so they know better when the situation is an unknown. He cares so, so much and it’s so apparent in everything he does. It also totally explains why he stopped being a cop. There’s an early banter with Cora that’s really telling:

Liam: Ever disobey an order?

Cora: In my soldier days? No that’s kind of the point.

Liam: It’s that mechanical, you never thought about it?

Cora: Military discipline isn’t there to give you something cool to rebel against. In combat, people depend on you being in the place they expect doing what you’re meant to do.

Liam: That doesn’t mean you’re doing the right thing.

He tells Jaal he left law enforcement specifically because he wanted to do good and he couldn’t as a cop. Jaal makes a crack about Liam just not being good at the job, but he’s right. Liam’s value system is at total odds with the law enforcement system and he would and apparently did make a terrible cop.

“After two years and a dozen suspensions, I took a “lateral promotion” out of the force.”

I can see him wanting to use the power and resources to do all the good he wants to do and then realizing that not only is he literally unable to (”too many obstacles” he tells Jaal), he’s unwelcome to. So then he goes into crisis response, which is totally in line with what he's concerned about.

Some fans get on him for his personal mission and for getting Ryder into that situation but the way he handles the mission is so quintessentially him. He wants to help; he wants to help Ryder and the Initiative and his contact. He messes up, sure, but it's borne out of this inherent desire to do good, include others and see the best in people. If Ryder detains his contact, he's unhappy (and it will end a romance with him).

Liam is one of the most layered companions in the Mass Effect series in my opinion because of all these things. He could just be the archetypal "means well but fucks up sometimes" character, but it's more than that. He has a solid moral core and belief system and he struggles with manifesting that into the real world, but he also is far from naive. His impulsiveness means he dives headfirst in things he thinks will allow him to do what he believes is right. Sometimes those things (like being a cop) are the wrong choice, but in that case he changes course and continues on. He up and joins the Andromeda initiative because he believes in it. He's so utterly sincere and genuine in a way that is lovely to see.

[quiet-in-the-wild]

Sorry but just because you believe people can't have sensory/emotional sensitivities, be introverts, have a rich inner world, and experience overwhelm without being autistic doesn't mean people like that don't exist. I understand that there is a stigma surrounding autism and that autistic women and girls often go undiagnosed, but it's frustrating to read these sort of opinions from non-psychologists when autism and like conditions have been ruled out and you know you don't have them and are now essentially being told you can't possibly experience these traits without having autism. I respect your opinion and know of probably comes from a place well-intentioned advocacy, but please don't assume your experiences are universal. Yes, autistic people often have their identities denied and it can be life-changing to finally get that confirmation, but it is also frustrating and invalidating (though not as systemically oppressing, I recognise that) to be told you essentially can't possibly exist that way you are. There's no way I'm some sort of statistical anomalie, so either many experienced health professionals are wrong, or sensitive people exist.

All people, NT and ND people experience a few autistic traits. Like stimming when overwhelmed or occasional emotional dysregulation, or feeling drained socially. The difference is the the frequency and the severity of occurrence.

Autism is complex. It’s a spectrum of traits and experiences. And if you have many of those experiences of varying degrees. And if you have a family history of neurodivergence - the likelihood that you’re autistic is extremely strong.

If you’ve ruled out autism - then it’s some other neurodivergence or neurological condition. That’s 100% fine - it could be adhd, it could be dyspraxia, it could be just a sensory processing disorder - or more statistically likely it could be a combination of co-morbid neurodivergences.

——

But HSP - is just autism. There is literally no difference.

The harm of HSP comes from Instagram psychologists and HSP specialists (who identify as HSP as well) claiming that they are better, have more functioning and cognitive ability than autistic people. -Because that is literally what they claim when ask to define the difference between autism and HSP

That there is no possible way they could be autistic because they can think rationally, and they can self analyze, and they realize other people have feelings and emotions that are separate than their own. They can’t be autistic because they don’t look or act like the most stereotypical autistic person they can imagine.

That is so harmful and such an ableist view of autism. And all it’s doing is creating misinformation.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being autistic.

So if you’re looking at all the autistic traits (and HSP because they are the same) and identifying with HSP, but not autism- thinking there is no way you could be autistic. I strongly urge you to sort through that.

If it’s not autism thats fine. I’m not saying every single person is autistic- I’m saying HSP is Autism. HSP traits are Autistic traits. There is no difference. Only ableism.

—

I know that so many of you are just looking for answers. You’ve spent a long time trying to figure out why you’re different or spent years with internalized ableist thoughts about not feeling good enough.

The problem isn’t that you’ve found an identity you think fits. The problem is professionals, and specialists and people all over Instagram and working as therapists are looking at autism through a misguided, uneducated, stigmatized lens.

The problem comes with the harm, the othering, the alienating way they portray autism. The way they set themselves apart from other autistic people (if they also identify as HSP- which honestly almost all HSP specialists do) - because there is no possible way they could be autistic.

The problem is people are getting denied autism assessments and being told it’s just HSP or it’s just anxiety- because of of a lack of education about autism.

The problem is HSP is Autism- and professions with HSP don’t want to be associated with autism at all.

[transrevolutions]

I'm intrigued, what archetype does this Enjolras character have?

Sorry I haven't seen the source media yet.

Okay so first, when I'm talking about character archetypes, I'm not going by any official academic basis, I'm just talking about the motivations and personalities of characters.

You'll get snarky characters with rough pasts who hide it with sarcasm, like Artemisia Jacobs or Gavroche. You'll get angsty and lonely characters who want to be accepted, like Grantaire or Connor Murphy. You'll get angry and revenge-motivated characters like Anakin Skywalker or Lyme or Gale Hawthorne. You'll get upbeat and cheerful characters that are surprisingly insightful, like Devon Miller or Chuck. You'll get characters who are used and manipulated like Ender Wiggin or Luke Castellan. You'll get antiheroes, soldiers of virtue, kindhearted loners, bashful lovers, etc. etc. etc.

Enjolras is a character who is very interesting, because he does not seem to have any of the common character motivations. He's from the book/movie/musical Les Miserables. He's the guy in the red jacket who tries to overthrow the government.

He's not, actually, a soldier of virtue, although you might think that. Because that would imply that a) he is always firmly morally good and merciful, b) that he's less radical and more "safe" in terms of what "good" is, and c) that he has some sort of non-self-imposed quest or duty to fulfill that he is working towards. Nobody asked him to do what he did, at least not in canon.

Enjolras is a revolutionary who is in it for the ideals. Most revolutionary characters we get in media have some sort of external/other motivation. (Katniss Everdeen's city was destroyed, Thomas had lived through years of government abuse, even Evan Hansen, who fits in as the spokesperson for a large group about a social issue, ended up there completely by accident.)

Enjolras is canonically born into a rich family. He could have a perfectly normal life, with food and schooling and a good job, if he wanted to. No canonical event happened that pushed Enjolras into the role of a rebel. He had no incentive other than he wanted to do the right thing and make things better for people.

And the thing is, lots of people don't write characters like this because they can easily be one-dimensional and boring. But Enjolras manages to balance both. He is capable of being terrible. He makes bad decisions, but they are barely ever self-serving. He is intensely and passionately focused on what he believes in.

(He's also pretty strongly, although probably unintentionally, autistic-coded. Some of his traits that people find 'unrealistic' are perfectly normal behaviors from a neurodivergent perspective.)

He is in it because he cares, not because he was coerced. He has everything to lose. Even if he succeeds, his quality of life would probably end up worse (he'd probably be less wealthy, less comfortable, etc.) than if he'd never done anything.

He does it because he cares, and it is a very very human thing to care. A lot of times authors miss the mark on this. People can, and do, fight against injustices even when those injustices haven't had a catastrophic effect on themselves. Because people are wired to care, and that is what makes Enjolras so human.

Caring about the world around them is a valid motivation for a character to do something drastic. It doesn't always have to be personal. And more media should honestly lean into that side of human nature rather than just the gritty, nihilistic, 'nothing-to-lose' mentality that most stories around rebellion seem to have.

Sorry this got long.

[knickynoo]

Doc: “It’s romantic nonsense!” A (mini) Doc character study & his Part III arc

Greetings, everyone! I’m back at it again with my nonsense! (Doc Brown edition)

I know that a criticism for a lot of people about BTTF Part III is the focus on the Doc/Clara story line, and like, I get if you’re not into the relationship angle for Doc. That’s cool. But let me tell you...I really enjoy it.

The first two films are (obviously) very Marty focused. He’s the one primarily running around, directly impacting & advancing the plot, etc. Which is great and all, because Marty is a delight, but real talk: Doctor Emmett Brown is the man.

Here is this ultra-quirky, brilliant scientist. He’s wonderfully supportive and kind towards Marty. He’s high energy, super focused, and is in a constant frantic state from the sheer chaos that’s continuously unfolding in his own mind. He’s just a fantastic, endearing guy, and I love his characterization. (Plus, I have a soft spot for characters who strike me as being neurodivergent & like, Doc?? Yeah.)

Anyway, think about it: Doc has spent the majority of his life looked down on and shunned by everyone around him. With the exception of Marty (& Jennifer), everyone else likely views him the way that Strickland does: a dangerous nut-case.

Does that bother Doc? ...well, we don’t know. It doesn’t appear that it does, but it’s got to be difficult to be so alienated. He relates to and interacts very well with Marty, but past that, who does he have?

Enter Clara Clayton. 

Clara. Is. A Joy. Introducing a love interest for Doc could have been a strange decision that fell totally flat, but I think it was executed in a way that made it not only work, but also made it believable. Because Clara isn’t just some static character put there to be the object of Doc’s focus. She’s brilliant too, confident in her intelligence, sweet as can be, and brave. It makes total sense that Doc would gravitate so strongly to this woman who, not only sees and appreciates his quirks, but has her own as well.

It just feels very deserved- for lack of a better term. Yes, Doc is happy to be wrapped up in his experiments, but his arc in Part III reminds us that he’s more than just Marty��s scientist friend who's there to rattle off facts and figures. Doc is a dynamic character who has his own thoughts, emotions, and desires. Perhaps he’s never even had the opportunity to confront them himself though, seeing as his intense fixation on all things scientific has been at the forefront of his mind for YEARS. And even if that’s not the case, being so ostracized in Hill Valley certainly would have forced him to find contentment with being alone. So to see him being able to connect so deeply with Clara, discovering a happiness he maybe hasn’t ever felt before, is just wonderful. 

And let me just mention the way that we see Marty respond to all that’s happening with Doc, because that’s great too. It’s pretty clear that the whole thing is strange to Marty. He’s never seen a love-struck Doc before, and he is fascinated. For as long as they’ve known each other, Marty probably only knows a version of Doc whose little world included his experiments, his dog, and him (Marty). But here he is, watching his best friend fall in love, and you can see the intrigue and awe (and also confusion) on his face. As if, much like we are, he too is realizing that there’s far more to Doc than even he thought. 

[sneakerdoodle]

On Second Citadel and unity

It was interesting to me that, after making Junoverse a very poignant gender utopia (and general lgbt-utopia, too), Kabert went ahead and made their second storyline so heavily centered around bigotry and discrimination (dealing with topics of ableism, mysogyny, homophobia). now, obviosuly, Junoverse is not even remotely free of inequality, and as far as the mentioned topics are handled this utopia is not disability-friendly, with prosthetics not being readily available with no charge, which, like many other things, strips people of their autonomy, turns them into a rich man’s plaything. But here inequality is arguably explored from the point of exploitation of one human being by another, of abuse of power (interpersonal and social-scale). Whereas Second Citadel opens with an episode about two knights - a disabled one and a woman one - both of whom struggled for similar reasons, so there is supposedly little power imbalance here. And yet they do not see eye to eye, even more so, one of them furthers the other’s discrimination. We can speculate that that’s Sir Caroline’s effort to fit in - strengthen the sense of her hard-earned belonging by othering someone who never got that right to belong. Which doesn’t make it any less infuriating and damaging, but sets the tone of the story very well. There is no strong thriving off the weak. There are just people infinitely rejecting one another on the basis of their differences, often under the weight of their own rejection.

The topic of ostracization and discrimination is tackled in almost every arc of SC, but the idea of othering extends beyond it. The central conflict, the ongoing war is between monsters and humans - and while we’re more familiar with the human side of it, while we may learn more about the history of their conflict and who wronged whom first and worst, for now we’ve seen both humans and monsters express deep disgust for each other and one another’s way of living. And then the same happens on a smaller scale, within one species: we see the mutual disdain between Northerners and Southerners. Sir Caroline is different not only as a woman but as a foreigner; the Cinderclasp episode made it far too clear that the attitude to foreigners in the South is no better. 

And all of that unravels against the backdrop of pretty phrases about unity that get repeated over and over. “Strength in Unity”. “Two in unity, simple, strong”. I believe those are not instruments of irony, however, but keys to the central message, echoes of this societies’ past and - hopefully - foreshadowing of their future.

Sir Caroline twists the meaning of that unity in order to keep her authority:

ANGELO: Sir Caroline, I really don't think-- CAROLINE: What is the primary edict of our Citadel, Sir Angelo? ANGELO: Strength in unity. Of course. CAROLINE: And the sooner you all remember that, the safer humanity will be in these Northern Wilds. Hypocrites. The lot of you. Unified only when it’s convenient. No better than monsters in that way: greed governs all, and everyone just does what they want to get what they want. If you just listened to authority, real authority, you might actually be safe.

And that happens to highlight what unity is not: giving up one’s autonomy and approach and unique competence to fit into someone else’s model of desired reality. 

Here Damien’s words about perspectives come into play. However labored and uncomfortable they were, showing his inability to not fixate on what separates others from him, they are important as a piece of the meta puzzle: they make us think of inherent value of different experiences.

DAMIEN: My kind, kind friend. I agree that it is a shame that we cannot trust these men. They would be valuable allies, as Sir Caroline was – for moving through the world as she has, in a life quite different from ours, has clearly gifted her with ways of thinking that you and I would never come to. ANGELO: Very true, very true. DAMIEN: And so I am certain that given Marc’s...situation, he too must have a perspective of great value in our mission. But the simple fact is that he cannot be trusted.

The importance of these lines is backed up in Lady of the Lake, when Caroline is instructed to use specific characteristics of her subordinates and turn them into strength that would aid the mission. We are told over and over that true unity is in embracing our differences, valuing them and working together to make these differences work in everyone’s favour. 

There is something to be said about quite careless exploitation of Damien’s neurodivergency of course, but that is once again the warped verison of true unity, showing what unity is not, but also simultaneously giving us some idea of its potential. At the core, behind Sir Caroline’s personal errors, the message is kinder, broader. We are told again and again that the importance of the unqiue approach, unique way of thought, unique operation of our minds can enrich our shared experience and cooperation beyond measure.

So when later on Sir Caroline instead tries to suffocate any challenge to her authority, any alternative point of view, it comes as the biggest whiplash.

And of course, when discussing the monster-human antagonism in this vein, the Moonlit Hermit arc gives some truly invaluable material. Rilla and Arum’s interactions are strongly based on the differences of their approach to the world, with Rilla’s being a rational one and Arum operating on what can be called intuition, spiritual sense and probably instinct. He despises attempts to rationalize the free broad flow of the universal energy.

And what we see is two of them coming together, sharing their views of the world and finding something useful, fascinating, beautiful in the point of view that seemed so unthinkable before. That culminates in the truly breathtaking scene of their discussion of the nature of music, whether it’s magic or math:

RILLA: I mean..why can’t it be both? ARUM: Nonsense. RILLA: No, I mean...maybe that’s what makes music special. It uses these predictable scales and measures and combines them with some unpredictable, something-- ARUM: Magic. And what comes out isn’t really either. It’s...more.

“It’s more”. Can’t overstate how hard this hits. And the parallel between this theory and Rilla and Arum’s relationship is more than on the nose, proving to us once again that the idea of unifying our different experiences and perspectives as something incredibly valuable, something that creates something new, rich, priceless, that is more than just a sum of the two, is central to the narrative.

What is interesting to me in the Moonlit Hermit arc is the distinction that is made between the monsters and the humans. Humans are supposedly rational while monsters speak of magic and the Universe - what a fun narrative is that! Monstrous spirituality... And then later on we have Damien raging at his saint, yelling “It is only monsters who listen to their heart above all!” - but apparently it is not. 

The new season offered some helpful context to that, specifically - the Thought Stream. Obviously referencing the Tarot, it has four suites resembling the Minor Arcana while what can be called the Major Arcana is not a part of the deck usually but something that appears unpredictably (specifically: Olala’s card that does not belong to the Wilds, Wastes, Frosts or Mirrors suit). 

The four Tarot suits (Swords, Cups, Wands and Pentacles) represent different areas of our life, separated: Intellect, Emotion, Spirituality/Creativity and the Material. Mind, Heart, Spirit and Body.

The four suits also correspond with the four elements. And Water is the one corresponding with Heart, with our emotions. I do not think it to be a coincidence that Saint Damien - the one encouraging his follower to listen to his heart, teaching him tranquility i.e. not losing oneself in the stream of emotion, the one teaching how to let one’s heart guide not stir - has water and the waves as his symbol.

So if Damien is Heart, Rilla is definitely Mind: she is analytical, a determined problem solver. I believe Arum represents the Wands: the Spirit and the fire - and that it is a symbol connected to monsters’ society in general. 

Wands suit deals with passionate creation, with realizing one’s vision, bringing something into the world. That seems in line with the monstrous philosophy in general. They talk of one’s place decided by the Universe, they say one is justified in their actions as long as they truly do what they want, follow where their passion guides them. There is quite a bit of hypocrisy there as we can see in the Spiral Sage arc, the monster society may just be keeping the platitudes while giving in to the power of the strongest no matter the Universe’s place for the weak - but the ideal is still there, and it is one Arum seems to follow wholeheartedly. (Hence his interpretation of Damien seemingly abandoning his path as a lack of character.)

The same idea - one’s place in the Universe - is brought up again in the first part of “The Fool in the Garden of Death”, showing this belief spreads beyond monsters’ society, into the Western Wastes. None of the elements, be it Heart or Spirit, are strictly one species’; however, we’re dealing with different cultures and ways of life people are most accustomed to, prioritizing different aspects of life. And we’re being shown that maybe engaging with each other is what those cultures are supposed to do.

The Thought Stream’s deck is made up of four suits corresponding with four ends of the world, four parts of it. Where in Tarot we have aspects in Thought Stream we have places. This reinforces the concept of different aspects of life, different ways of approaching it, corresponding with specific societies. 

Each of the suits is given an identity, but all of them make up one deck.

After all, what’s one aspect of a being without all the rest? Reign of just one’s Mind, Heart, Spirit or Body - how long can it last before turning destructive?

True strength is in balance of different elements - in unity that recognizes the value of each of them.

I have a theory that the ideals of the Second Citadel are the forgotten and revamped mottos of the beings of Fort Terminus: “two in unity” being not two partners but two worlds, monster and human, coming together to create something that is more, something new and powerful and full of potential. Capable of building something as impressive as the Bridge. I also have a theory that the Bridge is a parallel to the Tower of Babel. Which brings us to the idea of a divided world unable to see past the differences between societies, and through that losing the power that unity used to give it.

Showing the world where difference is shunned and leads to ostracism, where people that come from different places fail to acknowledge each other’s humanity and refuse to embrace their differences, where two species fail to accept the other’s way of living and deny the enemy their humanity/monstrosity, the Second Citadel storyline is offering a greater value as an endgoal: embracing difference and diversity, seeing strength in what sets us apart from each other, and recognizing that we all complete one another, like the four aspects of our own being, like four pillars upon which the sky rests. Deny one single pillar’s importance and wait for it to come crashing down on you. It says: to know true strength, we should welcome any and all experience, all of the unique perspectives, celebrate the differences that make our shared existence so much richer and make us so much more capable to deal with challenges of life. Strength in unity - not in uniformity.

[light-of-being]

On being uncertain if you’re neurodivergent

(I’m kinda responding to this post over here because while i doubt the last addition was derailment, putting this there would definitely be a complete hijack because this is a larger thing I’ve been meaning to write about and that post was more a prompt than a thing I’m directly replying to)

@intpdreamer​ said:

I have to ask. How strongly do you need to relate for this to be a valid thing to ask yourself? I relate much more strongly to how autistic people describe their experience of and interactions with the world than how most nt people do, but I'm scared to presume too much from that for fear of being That Person. But surely some people who relate to a lot of nd traits really do do so because of an undiagnosed neurodivergency? I completely get why the "we're all a bit" conclusion is bad and why being scared of being neurodivergent would be offensive, but how is someone supposed to know if they're "nt downplaying what a trait really means and concluding they have it" vs "actually neurodivergent but undiagnosed relating to the trait because they do have it"?

General prelude: this is apparently a controversial opinion and probably not representative of the broader ND community. I have only limited expertise, but I do have some. My tl;dr answer to the “how do you know” question at the end is mostly “you likely don’t” with some “i guess that’s what diagnosis is meant for?” and some “make sure you really understand what the trait is about, how pervasive and significant it is, and whether you also have other ones”

How to tell?

I don’t believe neurodivergent vs neurotypical to be a discrete thing. By which I mean, it’s not like there’s some idk structure in some person’s brain and not in another that you can be like, “you’re neurodivergent. you’re not.” Brains are incredibly fkin messy. So, there’s a whole miscellany of differences in like, size of structures or sensitivity or connectivity, each of which is probably continuous...but the combination of them is definitely continuous.

Which is not to say there’s some clear definable “spectrum” from “Maximally Neurotypical” to “Maximally Neurodivergent” (I mean, I guess you could add shit up or something but it’s not really very meaningful). Here’s a representation made by an autistic person:

(full comic)

So, at some point, we pick some sort of threshold to define what is significant aberration for any given trait, and how many traits you gotta have to Have The Condition. How do we decide it? Well, clinically, it goes like “does this thing fuck with your life?” (for how many, we test it out on lots of people and kinda sorta figure whether we think having x amount over- or underdecides people with significant effects; there’s a lot of judgement involved and it’s broadly agreed that there isn’t nearly enough of this done for it to be very accurate -- your clinician is meant to use their judgement on each particular case).

There’s a misconception that this is particular to psychiatric diagnoses, but it’s like, most shit. A person in that thread mentioned diabetes...that’s continuous, too. We picked out a threshold for that, too. The only difference is that there’s things you can quantitavely measure and find out at exactly what point it is that shit starts fucking with your life. (“everybody’s a little X” is still pretty silly and meaningless for both)

What this means is that there’s a lot of people who are in fact clear-cut neurotypical or neurodivergent...but there’s also a bunch of people hovering around the threshold point where it’s just like...??? up to judgement. And if you’ve never been diagnosed, it’s absolutely likely that you may be in any of those 3 groups and it’d be a complex call to make.

There’s a whole raaange of shit recommended for assessment, some of which you can self-administer (I think many of the listed instruments can be found here) if you really want to.

But I think...if you make an effort to understand autism/other neurodivergence and the specific traits you’re thinking of, it’s generally unlikely that you’re "nt downplaying what a trait really means and concluding they have it". That usually comes from people who’ve made no such effort. IF you know an ND person who’s happy to discuss (like, pls don’t expect them to do that), they could probably help confirm/deny whether you’re correctly understanding the trait.

And of course, if you vaguely relate to like, ONE or two traits, it’s probably disingenuous to presume. But if you consistently relate to many/most traits, have made effort to understand what they mean beyond face value, and they’re significant enough to affect your life beyond quirks, you’re probably good. But...

Does it really matter?

The chief purpose of formal diagnosis is treatment, research and resources (e.g. disability benefits). I’d venture that the purposes of informal identification with a diagnosis (or label in general) include understanding, community, communication and resources (e.g. information). I’m not sure which of these (or others) you’re seeking, but understanding and resources are free. I back using whatever frameworks are available to you to help understand yourself better. Asking yourself is 100% your right at all times.

The difficulty only really comes in with the community and communication aspects. So, let’s imagine you go wrong -- you’re actually NT but you read a couple things and decide you’re autistic. You start participating as a member in conversations about autism and telling people you’re autistic. What does that mean? 

So, chances are that if you’re extrapolating from your personal experiences but are actually NT, you’re wrong about a bunch of shit. You’re now creating or reinforcing a bunch of misconceptions about autism to NTs. You’re also trivialising autistic people’s experiences by behaving as though your quirks are a whole thing. This is bad. 

If you made and are continuing to make efforts to listen and understand, you’re probably not doing this too much. And upon considering it, you could probably reduce it further. But maybe it’s better if you don’t do it at all?

It’s my experience that people of the form “I think I might be X” are welcomed in many communities of X if approached sincerely (it’s also been my experience that they’re quite enthusiastic to help you understand because a lot of them also didn’t realise for a very long time and it improved their lives substantially when they did). Also, if you say “I think I might be X” to some random person in your life and proceed to do dumb shit that would’ve spread misconceptions, it’s a lot less likely that this person will go on to say, “this is what X people are like”.

So that’s probably a sensible middle ground where you don’t have to be 100% sure but you can still get (and add!) value from the descriptor.

Bit of a personal comment

So, with me...my psychiatrist suspects I’m autistic, and so did my mother (although she’s clueless and doesn’t count). The hospital diagnosed me with a personality disorder, and strongly suggested bipolar in the terms used in their comments. My psychiatrist has not diagnosed me with bipolar, but is nevertheless treating me with mood stabilisers. She also wanted me to test for epilepsy. I strongly suspect ADHD. Suffice to say, I have no fucking clue what’s actually going on with my brain and it seems neither does anyone else. The only thing we all agree on is there’s definitely something.

So, in the end, I read and apply shit from all sources, and I ID as generic “neurodivergent”.

Diagnoses and labels are very useful tools, but at the end of the day, they’re just that -- tools. And sometimes they can be very stupid and limited. Think things through properly and understand them well; be considerate and don’t impose; and then do what you think is best for you.