#also idk if this is the right place to ask since like 90% of my mutuals wear glasses i think but. oh well

[eggmeralda]

I wish there was a way you could put like. every song in the world on shuffle

[laroinda]

i just caught up to wind breaker manga (the satoru nii one) and i desperately need to rant abt it

let's start from the fact that i'm not a fan of this genre of manga. the only other delinquent series i've actually read was t*kyo r*vengers but we shall not speak about this one and it certainly didn't leave a good impression of this type of manga on me. so imagine my surprise when i tuned in to the first episode of wind breaker and i found myself tearing up by the end of it, let's just say that it was quite unexpected.

the thing that surprised me the most about this series is the heart that it has. yes it's cheesy, yes it's cringe at times, yes the premise of the town and the school is so silly it might just fall apart if you start looking at it too closely. but the series manages to build the sense of community within this place so fast and so well that i never actually found myself questioning any of that.

another thing that was a really nice surprise was how kind the series is, both with its characters and with the themes it builds itself on. the main one of course being opening yourself up and learning how to trust others. every time we see a character struggle with that it tugs at my heartstrings so much i end up barely able to read the chapter cause my eyes water immediately, especially when it's about sakura himself.

sakura, oh my dear sakura. i could sing him praises for hours i fear so i'll try to keep it short. he's just incredible. he's truly the heart of the story in every sense of the word. he's so kind! he's such a good person, even if he doesn't believe it or doesn't know how to properly express his care for others! he's so lovable from the start, even before you see him grow into the person he is at the current stage of the manga. and he keeps growing and changing and becoming the person he probably never thought he could ever become before he came to furin. and it's all because of the people around him that accept him and let him grow at his pace, even if he makes mistakes or doesn't do things exactly right immediately.

i love the slightly more recent imagery of comparing him to a plant that started to grow since he joined furin. it started in the stretch between the keel arc and the red lights district arc when he decided that furin is the place that he belongs in and we saw a little sprout, but i feel like it's gonna come to full fruition in this arc. it's pretty clear to me considering that endo literally compares him to a flower and his whole thing is to try and set sakura on fire (metaphorically of course... i hope). it's probably gonna be contrasted to umemiya who's literally a gardener and under whose care and leadership, directly or not, sakura was finally able to grow because he was nurtured by those around him. in this case the main person who allowed that to happen would be umemiya as he's the one who made furin into what it is now. also, i've seen quite a lot of people be worried (?) about sakura potentially going with endo to protect furin but idk man i don't think that would happen. the angst potential is incredible but he was literally calling out that girl in the red lights arc (i'm sorry i forgot her name, it slipped my mind cause i've read like 90% of this manga in two days) for... basically doing just that. giving herself up so that others could be safe without thinking about their feelings. i feel like he's probably gonna take that lesson and apply it here.

speaking of which, i love this whole theme of passing down knowledge and advice on how to handle things that are new to you. first it's kotoha telling sakura that he needs allies to be at the top of furin, that he should start facing people that want to be there for him and even the small things like telling him to just say "leave it to me" when someone asks for help. and then, in the keel arc, he uses the same advice he was given before and gives it to someone else who's also struggling with quite similiar things to him. then there's him learning how to rely on other boys in his class and going to kaji for advice, who's very clearly meant to be kind of a parallel to sakura. kaji's went to somewhat similiar things, he's just further down the path of figuring out who he is, what he can and can't do that sakura is (or at least that was the case when they talked). so he gives sakura advice, one that was given to him before by hiragi when he was struggling as a newly made grade captain who felt like he was wholly undeserving of the trust that people placed in him and felt like he's gonna dissapoint them. he knows exactly what sakura is struggling with so he can help him the way he was helped before, the same way that sakura helped nagato before.

i have a lot more thoughts about this series but they are not sorted out in my brain in any way yet so i'm not gonna say anything more cause this on its own is messy as hell

[kazumiwrites-fanfiction]

I'm Just a Recluse

REQUEST: Hi I saw that your requests were open so I decided to give this a go by the way I absolutely suck at doing requests but I seen almost nothing on this 'prompt' Yandere!idia shroud x reader who has a massive crush on him but thinks he doesn't feel the same way. This idea has been rotting in my mind for the longest time. (ps: I really hope that this was clear enough 😭😭😭 again I'm sorry I really suck at writing requests)

SUMMARY: Does he have feelings for you? WORD COUNT: 1.7k

WARNINGS: Maybe manipulative reader, yandere-ish Idia, Idia being possessive and jealous mostly, Azul just wants blackmail, most likely OOC, Idia getting flustered, written in less than 30 minutes so I can't guarantee the quality but this is how I write- A/N: Anon I love that you requested because I was unable to sleep, but at the same time it's nearing 3 AM as I write this authors note help 😭 (dw you're amazing and your request was perfect, I really suck at writing stuff that was requested so it's like we're two sides of a coin (if that doesn't make sense i'm sorry)) Anyways I'm like 90% sure I botched this because I don't think I know Idia that well (I am going off what I know of him so far, so there may be inconsistencies with canon and whatnot) and it ended up being less yandere?? Idk mostly because I was like "yes I'm writing a yandere but I got an idea that's not 100% yandere" (as one does) and then it went down a whole 'nother rabbit hole- so I'm so sorry if this is not what you were looking for (also the fact that I'm writing this late at night does not help either) Reading your request over I'm mostly sure that what you were looking for was something similar to "soft reader x yandere!Idia" and not whatever the thing I wrote is- but I wrote it so I might as well publish it- Also the fact that I added Azul and Floyd because I love them and my late night brain said "might as well" is uh- yeah- A/N: Also I'm really sorry Idia I suck at titles </3

© kazumiwrites - All rights reserved; please do not steal, edit, copy, repost (etc) my work without my express permission.

You always liked Idia. You weren’t really sure why, since you never really saw him much… He seemed to be always in his room, playing games. Mostly, you saw him while passing by the room that the board game club occupied. Other than the occasional passing by as you walked through the halls, that was the only thing.

Well, there was really nothing to go by, to explain your crush. You tried to dismiss it as just liking his aesthetics, or something like that - you didn’t know him well, after all. Or, rather, at all. And there was no way that he even knew about you.

Well, it was a good thought. Still, you joined the board game club, if only to up your chances of Idia noticing you.

The housewarden of Ignihyde had not registered you much at first. You were the person possibly isekai’d into this world (like a character from an anime), but other than that, you seemed like another regular person.

Or so he thought.

Once you had joined his club, things changed drastically.

You had been doing everything you could to try to spend some time with Idia, playing the same games as him and trying to talk to him.

The poor boy got flustered and he couldn’t do much. Here was a real person who seemed nice, talking to an otaku like him. It was unheard of.

Still, a game was enough to make him relax a bit, enough to have a semi-decent conversation.

He gradually found himself getting more and more interested in you. At first, he had asked Ortho for anything on you, but then he started to try more to connect with you. However, they were subtle.

Sometimes, a note placed in your desk, other times a flower in your room. Small, simple things, never signed, and without a trace of anyone.

Of course, he had Ortho do it - he didn’t want to get caught, that would make him want to die - but he still wished he could see your reactions.

Maybe you were happy, intrigued. But then again, perhaps you would be disgusted when you realized who had been the one sending those gifts. Perhaps you hated otakus. Weren’t they the people least likely to get into a relationship?

Still, he shook off those thoughts. He had to make sure you at least didn’t get grossed out and quit his club. That would make him so distressed that he wouldn’t come out of his room for at least ten years. He liked seeing your face, and didn’t want that light of happiness gone.

He should’ve known this was coming, though.

Unbeknownst to Idia, however, you had struck a deal with Azul. "Help me get Idia to fall in love with me by whatever means necessary," were your exact words. And Azul knew he could most likely blackmail both you and Idia later, however this turned out. So, being the benevolent person he was, he accepted. (And also? It would be interesting to see how this turned out in general, even without being able to get blackmail). As a show of trust, he didn't even force you to sign a contract with him. How truly benevolent he was.

So here you were, sitting a bit too close to Azul, leaning in slightly to him to discuss a game when you heard the door open. Your eyes flickered up slightly, meeting Idia's carefully composed gaze. "Hi, Idia-san."

Oh, how he longed to snatch you away from Azul… But no, he couldn't do that. Obviously Azul was better for you anyway… He was smart, and he could talk to people. And he had money. Obviously you'd like that more than a recluse.

But still… How he wanted you to drop the formal titles and call him just by name… Just like in all the romance anime he watched. "Oh, drop the -san and call me by name!" That's what he could've said, what he wanted to say - but he couldn't. What if you were grossed out?

He moved to the other side of the room, getting out one of the games and starting to set it up. His eyes flickered up as he met your gaze (and unwillingly, Azul's). He didn't miss how your hands were intertwined. Why were normal couples like this…

You tilted your head slightly to the side as you asked about playing the game with him. Idia was startled at first, but reluctantly agreed. He was irritated that Azul was here - didn't he hate luck-based games? Or was he so in love that he would do anything just to stay by your side? Oh, how it made him sick.

After a few rounds, he was done. He was tired of it all. The last straw was when he saw Azul wrap an arm around your shoulders.

Your eyes widened as Idia got up quickly, hitting the table in the process, the pieces scattering to the floor. He didn't seem to notice as he stepped toward you, pulling you from Azul's grasp.

Azul had been holding on lightly, barely even touching you, so there was no resistance. He just watched you and Idia quietly, thoughtfully, all the gears spinning in his head.

"You're not hanging out with a guy like him," Idia muttered quietly. "You're staying with me." He moved his grip to hold your wrist, tugging you out of the club room.

You followed without resisting. What else would you even do? Try to fight him? Of course not. Not when you were so close to getting what you wanted.

He cornered you in a deserted hallway, staring at you. You waited for a moment before tentatively speaking. "Idia…?"

Idia stayed quiet, the tips of his hair just gradually growing into a vibrant shade of pink. Finally, he got out, "…I shouldn't have done that…"

"Shouldn't have done what?" Your eyes were wide, so cute… But he shook the thought off.

"Shouldn't have dragged you away. Obviously you want a guy like him for a boyfriend and not me."

You paused. Your plan… Had it worked? Was he jealous? "Hey- I don't like Azul. Not in a romantic way anyway. The person I like is the person I'm talking to right now."

Idia froze. He had to be dreaming. This had to be some elaborate VR set that showed him what he wanted most in the world. Perhaps… It was so cheesy too. Like some scene from a romance anime. He met your gaze.

But still…

"Me? You have to be joking. I mean, who would like me? I'm just a recluse who stays in his room all day playing games-"

"But you're more than that," you cut him off, before smiling a little apologetically. "You're sweet, and kind, and I love the way your eyes light up when you're talking about your favorite anime or game."

Shit. No one had said that to him before. "W-well. I-" He cut himself off. He couldn't say it. He couldn't say something so embarrassing. Yeah, he had dragged you away from Azul in the heat of the moment, but that was because he wasn't thinking. He let the jealousy, the possessiveness, guide his actions.

And now he was paying for it.

"I-"

"C'mon, Idia-san, get it out." Your voice was so gentle, so soothing.

"I like you and I really wanted to get to know you better but I wasn't sure if you liked me so I sent all sorts of weird creepy stuff like notes and I bet you're disappointed because it was just me and not, y'know, some cool ikemen."

His words were so fast it was almost a blur. Before you could even process his words, he took a deep breath and continued.

"And I really want you to stop calling me -san and just by my name but I don't want to ask that of you because I'm just some random creep who is obsessed with you and wants to keep you to himself and-"

"Stop stop stop." You laughed a little. "Hey, I'm not disappointed that you were the one sending me the gifts - they were sweet. I was worried that Rook-san might have been the ones sending them, but I'm glad to get the confirmation that you were the one."

Why would you think it had been Rook? Perhaps you had a crush-

"And, you only needed to ask if you wanted me to drop the -san, Idia." You smiled sweetly at him.

Well, at least you hadn't caught the 'obsessed' and 'creep' part? That was embarrassing of him to say.

Idia looked more and more flustered before he just stepped closer to you, awkwardly wrapping his arms around you in an embrace. His face nuzzled in to the crook of your neck, heart beating too fast and his palms sweaty. Was this okay? Would you like it - perhaps he should've cleaned up a bit more-

Your arms wrapped around him, and he immediately relaxed. What he wouldn't do to have you hold him like that for the whole night - whole week, even.

Unfortunately, at that moment, Floyd had to come skipping through the halls. "Koebi-chan and Hotaruika-senpai? What're you doing here - Is Azul done with his boring club?"

Idia let out a soft huff, glaring at Floyd even as he held on to you. "One, the board game club is /not/ a boring club, and two, I'm hugging [Y/N]."

How bold of him to say.

"Ooh, can I hug Koebi-chan too? I bet I can squeeze them so tight~"

Idia somehow held you tighter, turning you away from Floyd. "No. Now go run off and find Azul or something." How he had managed to hold a full conversation with Floyd, he wasn't sure. At least he seemed bored enough to run off… He sighed softly. He'd have to spend more time with you in his dorm. He was still holding you tightly as he walked to his dorm.

~bonus~ Azul was just around the corner and listening in to your conversation, phone recording everything that had happened. He sighed as Floyd had come in - of course he had to ruin it. Still, he had gotten some good stuff. "Hmm? Azul, you're here… Spying on Koebi-chan and Hotaruika-senpai?" Floyd's head tilted slightly to the side. "Don't say something as crass as spying. I was merely gaining intelligence." "So, spying." "Gaining intelligence, Floyd." Azul let out a soft sigh. "That you got in the way of." "I did nothing." "Yes you did."

As always, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! ♡ Send your thoughts grr

Feel free to send requests! Check out this post for info ^^

[thedissociatives]

Heeeyyyy, I'm so so intrigued by your hockey posting. I'd love to know more about Fedorov, like what's the lore, what makes him special? Have a nice day/ night <333

good morning/afternoon/evening anon! since you asked so nicely i'll try my best but i do tend to forget everything i know when i have to actually explain it. there is a lot of lore tho so i'm not gonna go over all of it (mainly the bits that interest me the most + some other stuff). i guess what really makes him special (at least to me) is the fact that we don't get players like this anymore. and i'm not talking playing style here (the impact of euro hockey players of the 90s on the nhl today is still so obviously there). a lot of his early career was directly impacted by cold war politics, and since those circumstances haven't existed for a while now, we don't get this insane type of backstories and lore anymore. i should also make it clear that i'm a massive nerd who sat in classrooms for years learning abt soviet stuff which i think definitely has an impact on who My Guys are

seriously there is a lot under the cut so be warned because i did get carried away with myself A Lot (i literally wrote over 1k words on this. sorry in advance)

ok so. sergei started playing "pro" hockey in the soviet union in the mid 80s (i don't think this is the place to explain whether these players were pro or amateur so will leave it like that), first in minsk (only for a year) before being picked up by cska moscow- the central army team. these guys made up most of the national team, which can probably be explained by the fact that their head coach also coached the national team (god that's a bit of a mouthful, but incredibly relevant). he wasn't the only rookie on the team that season; another kid (i think they were both like 16 at the time ?) called alex mogilny had also just arrived in moscow. they would become good friends. sergei would play three seasons for cska before being called up for the national team- he was going to the 1989 world championship. alex would be there, too, having already played on the team before. naturally, the ussr won gold (as they did almost every year). but that doesn't mean everything was good with the players. not long too after the tournament, some of the older players would finally get permission to play in the nhl, but for the younger guys it was looking like they had no way of getting out any time soon. in the days between the end of the championship and the soviet team's flight home, mogilny apparently approached fedorov and asked him to go to america with him- sergei said no, worried about what would happen to his family. alex would go anyway, disappearing for a few days before popping up in buffalo ready to join the sabres. (this might seem irrelevant right now but it's actually really not- i'm getting there now)

that same summer, sergei would be drafted in the fourth round by detroit. this choice may or may not have been influenced by steve yzerman telling them sergei was better than him. after a bit of back and forth, they got him to defect after cska played a series of games in north america. it literally sounds like the type of shit they write in spy films it was fucking mental. this made him only the second soviet to defect in order to play in the nhl i'm pretty sure (defo the second in like 18 months- funnily enough it was his bestie who was the first one. what a coincidence), but they weren't the first two from the other side of the iron curtain to do that. might be wrong but i think that honour goes to the stastny brothers. anyway. when sergei got to detroit he wore 91 because he wanted to "be like stevie" or some insane shit like that. which i literally think about all the time. like seriously what was that about sergei.

okok can't not talk about the russian five so doing that now. since idk how much you know about hockey i'll do a better job on this bit. after sergei arrived in detroit, management must've figured they could get more russians. over the next couple of years they got vladimir konstantinov (who was drafted the same year as sergei) and slava kozlov to make the jump to the states. since i'm mainly talking about sergei i won't go into how they got those two but it's just as unbelievable as you'd expect. after the 1994-95 lockout, the wings traded for another russian- slava fetisov. if you ever want to learn about soviet hockey you'll hear a lot about this guy, and for good reason too. he won two olympic gold medals and seven world championships with the soviet union, and captained most of those teams. obviously adding a guy with that much experience winning was a smart choice imo, even if he hadn't won anything in the nhl yet. by now the wings had four russian players- why not add a fifth ? in 1994 the wings were embarrassed in the playoffs, losing to san jose. it just happened that sj happened to have two of the older soviets who had fought for the right to play in north america. one of them was igor larionov- probably the smartest guy to ever play hockey. it was his tactics (and refusal to change his style of play) that led to his team's success in the first round. and i guess detroit didn't ever want to deal with that again because they ended up trading for the guy in the first part of the 1995-96 season. the russian five first played together in calgary, where they played that style of soviet hockey that nhlers could never really wrap their heads around at the time. they walked all over the flames in their own building, and would continue to do the same to the rest of the league. the five would be a key part of the 1997 stanley cup-winning team, which was the first wings team to lift the cup in over forty years.

sergei stayed to win a few more cups, and then left the city. he signed w the ducks in anaheim, bleached his hair and moved out to california (i think we can all resonate with wanting to change our appearance and move thousands of miles away from where we've spent over a decade building out lives amiright). from what i can tell, this move was Not Liked by detroit's owners (honestly i can't see any other reason his number hasn't been retired there). he'd bounce around a couple more nhl teams before going back to russia to play on the same team as his brother, eventually retiring in 2012.

jumping to 2015, that year's hockey hall of fame inductees included sergei (and nick lidstrom, one of his detroit teammates and one of the best defencemen to every play the game). it was basically a 90s wings reunion. in sergei's induction speech, he did like everyone else and thanked a bunch of people who helped him out throughout his career. and, you know, it was all the expected stuff (hockey guys can be so predictable sometimes), but "to my captain, steve yzerman" still fucking gets me. it had been twelve years since he'd worn a wings jersey. my captain. i think you get my point but i'm gonna have to stop there because i can't carry on and be remotely normal about it.

oh and in 2021, after spending a few years bouncing around random jobs for the team, cska announced that fedorov would be taking over as head coach. he went back to the team where all this started. now i don't know how exactly he is with his team but i sure hope he learned enough from his days there as a player under tikhonov on exactly how not to treat your players. cska won back to back gagarin cups (the trophy awarded to the khl team who wins the playoffs) in sergei'd first two seasons behind the bench, and they're probably looking to make it a threepeat with the playoffs starting today (?)

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 128. brb x oc

a/n: aaaaa yeah I'm a bit nervous??? posting this??? idk why lol .my anxiety is a bit all over the place... reblogs and comments are super encouraged <3333

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: none.

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

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-

Christmas Eve.

It should be a relaxing time to enjoy the celebrations with your family, but Beatrice was extremely nervous. She made a list of food she knew her mother would usually make and the ones she couldn’t eat, she was staring at it now, flicking her gaze back and forth as she tried to make a connection if it was safe or not.

So far…everything was good. So far.

Beatrice was with Nicole, her little daughter lying on her stomach and playing with one of the many brain stimulating toys she got. They were for eight months and up but ever since she saw Nicole playing in Evelyn’s house, Beatrice thought it’d be a good idea to do that to her and she was right.

Because Nicole was really good with the pegboard puzzles already, barely needing much direction from her parents when she did so. Beatrice leans against the headboard, chewing the end of her pen as she hears Rooster’s feet coming up the stairs, her husband stops by the threshold and leans his shoulder on it, ‘Watcha doin’?” he asks, tilting his head ‘You look focused.”

“I’m signing what I can and cannot eat when we go to my parents.” she explains, “And what I can eat without rising suspicion.”

Rooster hummed, pushing himself off the threshold to smile at Nicole, who grinned up at him before chewing the silicon star happily, “And you are keeping mommy company,huh?” he asks sweetly, kissing her forehead and sitting down next to Beatrice, Nicole was surrounded by her parents’ legs almost like they were walls, “And how is it going,so far?”

“It’s…going okay?”

He peeks over at the paper, smiling when he notices she drew tiny christmas themed pictures all over the paper, alongside tiny cannolis that had extra ‘ok’ around them, “Your mom always does something new every Christmas. You told me she did that uhh…pasta pie once.”

“‘Ncasciata.” she says, “It was pretty good too…kinda heavy. Too much work too, amazingly my mother thinks that sometimes.” she taps the paper, “I can’t have…too much fish- no I can but only certain types. Swordfish is a no no, thankfully she’s not making that this year.”

“That fish was really good.” he recalls, “It’s probably one of my favorite things I had for christmas.”

‘She’s making a huge chicken this year, no turkey. One of my father’s friends has an organic farm away from San Diego and he has these huge chickens so they got that…what else,” she flips the page, “Oh, there’s also roasted garlic potatoes,which I can eat as long it’s not too much.”

“Okay.”

“...and the dessert, from all the options,” she taps the tip on each word, “I think it’ll be either chocolate lava cake or hazelnut chocolate tart, which I can eat. It adds to the babies’ diet.” she frowns,however, “....oh god I have to think about the things my aunt is going to bring.”

“Or,” he cuts her gently, “You can stay within your mom’s cooking and don’t worry about it too much.”

“...I guess.”

He smiles,kissing the curve of her shoulder and chuckling when she squeaked and bunched up to prevent the tickling from his mustache against her skin, which of course only made Rooster kiss her even harder, nuzzling the soft skin of her neck and then propping his chin on the curve of her neck, “You are worrying too much, babe.”

“...I know, it’s not–I don’t know Roos.” she whispered, “I want everything to go well, Nicole’s was fine.” Their little daughter was now sitting up, placing shapes in their respective holes with a gentle giggle, back to them, “And I want the twins’ to be fine. And we need to be careful…and…yeah.”

Bradley hummed, his voice vibrating against her skin as he kissed her neck one more time, this time wrapping his arms around her waist as carefully as he could, bringing her closer to his side, his lips moving up to rest against her temple,”It’ll be okay.” she made a little noise that he always found adorable even if it meant she was upset. His thumb drew random shapes on the fabric of her sweater, feeling the braided wool rubbing against his finger, “You’ll see….we just gotta be careful, that’s all.”

“I know…”

“But you are also worried because of your family.”

“And Mav. And Penny.” she whispers, “And Amelia, you know I did really good at the bar. Penny didn’t notice anything and neither did Shells.” she explains, “But…what if I slip up and do something? I just want the babies to be safe… and I don’t want anyone to think I’m being a bitch or anything, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

Rooster loved how caring she was, it didn’t matter what or to whom,Beatrice has proven time and time again that she’s the sweetest human he had the privilege of knowing and of course, marrying and loving so much.He tries to cover his smile in her hair, sniffing the lavender shampoo that held onto the brown tresses, “You are so cute.” he whispers, kissing her scalp, “Cutest human being in this whole wide universe. I can’t handle you sometimes.”

She looked up at him with the perfect personification of the ‘:(‘ emoji and his heart clenched, “Baby….aw,honey.” he cups her close to his chest, letting her hug his middle and bury her face in his shirt, “My gorgeous girl, you are too sweet, you are too nice. You’d never hurt anyone.”

“Hrmmm…”

“I’m serious, you are just too kind.”

Beatrice only smiled up at him in thanks, then nuzzled his chest, “I try to…sometimes I think I am too kind.”

“You aren’t stupid if that’s what you are suggesting.”

Beatrice smiles more,hugging his middle and sighing quietly,enjoying the noises coming from Nicole’s constant trying to fit the shapes in its’ holes and the dogs walking downstairs, but her favorite sound had to be Rooster’s heartbeat, “Thank you,Roos.” she whispers, ‘...You know, it’s crazy that the first time you met my family was three years ago.”

“Hah.” his chest bounces with the sudden chuckle,”I had so much fun. It was the best Christmas I had in a while,gorgeous.” he says, twirling the ends of her hair with his finger as the two watch Nicole discover her brain by herself, babbling happily in front of them, “And now,I have a ring on my finger that you put it there and I put one on yours.” she giggles a bit, hugging him tighter, “We’ll be okay,Bea…I know you are still nervous,I can feel it in you.”

‘Hrm.”

“Your shoulders tense up like crazy.” he explains, running the tip of his index finger on her shoulder, following until he touched her shoulder blade, “And you clench your jaw. Not often, but enough notice.”

“Yeah…you are right.” she relaxes a bit, “I should let it go for now, if I worry too much people will…notice.I’m just not a good liar Roos,you know that.I can’t hide a lot from people.”

“I mean, you did lie sometimes.” he pinches his fingers, leaving a small space between them, “Just a little white lie. Nothing bad.”

She laughs,sighing again, “...anyway, let’s change the subject for a bit because I feel like I’ll get worse: are you excited for Virginia? We’ll go at the end of this week.”

His chest expanded over the mention of his home state, his eyes softening, “Yeah,I am.” he smiles, “I miss that place a lot sometimes.”

“...would you ever live there again?”

He purses his lips, shaking his head briefly, “Probably not. I love it there but…it brings a lot of bad,bad memories. I’d rather stay wherever you stay.” he smirks, dropping a soft kiss to her forehead, “It’s much better.”

“What if I want to go to the North Pole?”

“You hate the cold.” he says with his lips still glued to her forehead, “You’d never go to the North Pole, you’d stay somewhere warm and tropical…like Brazil.”

“Brazil,huh?”

“I had a Brazilian classmate, he was really fun.”

“And you’d go with me.”

“Of course,” he smirks, “You’d wear those tiny bikinis too,I’d be all for it.”

Beatrice swats his chest playfully and her husband laughs, holding his arms up in defense. Nicole looks back to stare at her parents, immediately forgetting about whatever she was doing to smile at them. She crawls over, squeezing herself between her parents and trying her best to push herself up only to fall back on her bottom on top of the mattress, “Birdie, you can’t stand up yet.” Rooster  coos, cupping Nicole under the armpits and raising her to his lips,kissing those chubby cheeks over and over, “But with how things are going I wouldn’t put it behind you, baby girl, you are one smart little cookie.”

Beatrice just grins, watching the conversation between her husband and daughter, only looking away when her phone started to ring. Considering it was Christmas Eve, she assumed it’d be her distant relatives wishing her Merry Christmas or her siblings asking what time she was coming.

She was right about one thing.

It was her aunt Martha calling. She unlocks the phone to take the call, “Buon Natale,zia Martha.”

Her aunt’s laughter was heard by Rooster,”Preziosa, è ancora la vigilia di Natale. Christmas is tomorrow.” she says, “But, yes, buon natale. I was calling to ask if you all are coming at the scheduled time tonight?”

“Um…yeah, why?”

“No reason, I was simply curious. How is the little principessa?”

“She is,” Beatrice turns, smiling when she sees that Rooster just allowed Nicole to climb on his face and practically use him as her personal pillow, “Amazing, She’s great.”

“Good, good, she’s a healthy little baby. You two will have strong and healthy children.”

Beatrice blinked over her aunt’s words, “...thank you,auntie.”

“So don’t worry too much.”

Beatrice almost threw the phone out of her grasp, but instead chose to widen her eyes and inhale so sharply that Rooster heard her, lifting Nicole enough to look at his wife with his brows furrowed, “Thank you,zia.”

“Oh, do not thank me. I just want you all to be okay.” she put a lot of emphasis on the all “I have a special gift for you,by the way, well,all of you.”

“Oh,zia, thank you.” she says softly, “You didn’t have to.”

“Nonsense. I want to help you and your family, you know I adore all of you so much.” she could hear Martha was smiling through the phone. “Even those who aren’t here yet.”

Beatrice’s aunt was weird, she was a hippie witch that could undoubtedly control the weather and probably curse your entire generation with a snap of fingers. She figured out Nicole was to be born, was she really surprised about the sudden cryptic messages thrown her way? “...thank you,zia.”

“You are so welcome! Now, I must go, your mother needs my help with some things. I’ll see you all soon!”

“See you,zia.”

Rooster watches as Beatrice’s stare turns distant and the hand holding the phone drops to her lap, her lips in a tight line, “Bea?” he asks, flicking his gaze from the phone to her, “What’s wrong?”

“She knows.”

“Who knows?”

“My aunt.”

The dots were connected quickly, he didn’t have to think much and figure out what she was talking about. Martha knew Beatrice was pregnant,again, and mentioned it in her very own…specific way. Bradley lowers Nicole, his daughter fascinated by his mustache still and kept on brushing her tiny fingers over it, “...okay.” he inhales, arching his brows, “We should’ve expected that.”

“Roos…why is my family the cryptic Sicilian family that no one really knows how they do things?” she sounds genuinely confused mentioning that, “...I’m sorry you had to join such a crazy bunch.”

He stares at her as if she grew three heads, “Are you kidding? Have you met my friends? Have you met Mav? Who are you calling a crazy bunch?” she only smiles thankfully at him, sighing one last time and letting her back touch the headboard, “Will she say something?”

She shakes her head negatively, “No, she’s not the one who announces it to people, she didn’t announce Nicole’s. She…probably wants to talk to me about it, give me some tips since she had twins and such…I mean, that’s what I’m hoping.”

“Then it’s all good.”

“I guess.” she murmurs, “The one thing I don’t need is my mother appearing like a pirate’s parrot on my shoulder when that happens. Then we’ll be really f-ed up.” she murmured, tossing the phone to her side and interlacing her hands on top of her navel, looking over at Nicole and her wandering little hands all over Rooster’s face, “You okay over there?”

He gives her a thumb up and the side of his mouth quirks up in a smile, “Great. She’s just exploring.”

“Aa!”

“Yeah, you are.” he picks Nicole from his face and blows a raspberry under her chin,earning a high pitched giggle that only made their hearts fill up with joy. He pulls back to smile at Nikki, holding her just a few inches above his head, ‘Can you imagine hearing something so sweet three times?” he asks, playfully swaying their daughter as if she was bobbing in the ocean very gently, “The house is going to be so full of life.”

Beatrice smiled back, leaning her temple against the headboard, “Yeah…it will be.”

“You are still nervous.” he says without taking his eyes off Nikki, “Because of your aunt.”

“I mean,yeah.”

“You said she wouldn’t mention it.”

“She won’t but,” she sighs, “I don’t know, I’ll have to talk to her about it, if she says something. I kinda want my parents to know about it too? And Mav…ugh,this is stressful. I hate it.”

“Stress isn’t good for the baby.”

“I know.” she says, “...at least you’ll be there with me.”

“Always,gorgeous.” he says as if it’s obvious, smirking at her. He sees that her brows are still furrowed so he gently brushes his thumb over the small crease, then drags it to the tip of her nose and then over her lips, letting her kiss the pad of his thumb, “We’ll be okay.” 

Beatrice doesn’t say anything, but nods with an appreciative smile before she drags herself to the edge of the bed, “I’m going to take a shower.” she says,running her hands through her hair, “Set our outfits ready and…then get the dogs?”

“I can do that.” he says, scooting to the edge himself, “The gifts are at your parents’ so that’s one thing less to worry about.”

“Yeah…right.”

“Bea,” she looks up when he calls, his eyes soft and smile gentle, “Baby, we’ll be fine. I promise you.”

Beatrice only gives him one weak smile then turns on her heel to the bathroom,disappearing from his view. Rooster stares at the space she once stood, then looks down at Nicole, holding her up like the precious doll she was, “Baby girl,we are going to give mommy a nice Christmas.”

“Aa!”

“Hell yeah we are.” he adjusts her on his grasp,”She deserves it.”

[digiblueslush]

Hello everybody!

My names Rory, and I’m back on tumblr for the bajillionth time and rebranding for the bajillionth time (seriously why did I ever leave in the first place, I love yall)

Anyways… here’s my whole spiel about who I am, what I do, etc.

^^^ where I post from lolz. Anyways, here are the basic stats

Name/what y’all can call me - Rory, Cyber Rory, idk anything else just not any of my old names if you know them

Age - 19

God what else do you put in these OH OMG

Pronouns - irl they/them, online they/it (and ask about neos if interested)

Sexuality/gender identity - i identify as bisexual, abrosexual, and gender-fluid (please do not use he/him or she/her even if I say I feel more masculine/feminine, they/them is always preferred)

What’s my deal - I’m an artist! Previously I never really posted my own stuff, but now I want to start doing that. Obviously I’ll still repost things I like, but it’s not gonna be my whole page lolz. I started taking my art more seriously since I switched my major from marine bio to a double major in art and psych (physics and chem are too hard) I’m currently not in school (I had to withdraw during the middle of my first semester due to mental health issues, but I’m going back this fall! So excited!!)

What kind of art? - glad you asked. Im really into Frutiger aero and cybercore at the moment, so that’s what I usually base my art around, but I really don’t have one set style/“aesthetic” in my art. I go in between Frutiger aero, cybercore, y2k, scene, mizuiro, and basically anything else that I can sneak the color blue in

Other fun things about me

Music I’m into - I don’t mean to be one of those “oh I’m into everything” kind of people, as it’s not fully true, but it’s true like 90% of the time. My favorite genres right now are metal core, emo, whatever Ayesha erotica, millionaires, and slayyyter are, and ambient instrumentals (more specifically cybercore ambience and the little big planet soundtrack) I will not listen to most country, and pop music is very hit or miss, but other than that I usually like everything else. Specific bands I’m into include bad omens, mcr, motionless in white, spiritbox, and pierce the veil

Shows/Animes I’m into - hot take but I really don’t like to watch tv *gasp* I know I know, but it’s so hard for me to start new shows and keep watching them, especially if episodes are longer than 20-30 mins. Even with anime I have a hard time watching shows that I wasn’t into over a year ago. I’m really into JJK, Haikyuu, Yuri on Ice (rip), the aquatope on white sands, and tbhk

Other things I’m into - just gonna dump them all here lolz. Blues clues, Winnie the Pooh, stuffed animals (NOT squishmallows, hot take sorry) deltarune/undertale, sally face, Fran bow, project sekai (forgot to put vocaloid in music lolz), and the ds and Wii era Nintendo

ALMOST DONE

I’ll be setting up either a card or a link tree hopefully soon, but I’m also on TikTok (regretfully) and instagram, both are @/cyber.rory13 if y’all are interested. Eventually I hope to open up commissions and/or a sticker and print shop, but for now I’m waiting til I have more traction on my socials as shops cost money, and I’ve been unemployed since October (starting work in may tho!) so I don’t want to make that investment quite yet. Commissions however, I’m open to the idea of them, so if you are interested feel free to message me and we can talk about details there (they will have to be digital or traditional transferred to digital). And finally, the moment like one of y’all has been waiting for, some of my actual art!

Digital

Traditional

Anyways, I hope you all enjoy, my page is a safe place and feel free to reblog really engage anyway if you’d like to be mutuals! Slay queen!!

[carolperkinsexgirlfriend]

Hey, I wanted to ask if you will be posting the Steddie upside-down AU on Ao3? I haven't read it since, like part 30 or something, and it's kind of daunting to go and catch up now 😬. Idk why, but long fics on Tumblr really discourage me for some reason (probably because I have to click and navigate the links to chapters and it isn't one big chunk like 'entire work' on Ao3 which is how I read all of my fics. Also I can't have a tab open with the fic and read it over a span of few days, which I do with long fics (I'm only on the app) ). Although, it's okay if you aren't planning on posting it there, no biggie, I probably brave it when the fic is finished. You do have a great navigation system in place so there's at least that (I've seen and read through worse) so it won't be the most annoying thing. I do love the AU, it's really great and right up my alley. I just missed a few updates, went off Tumblr for a week, next thing I know you are on part 60, lol.

Hi!!!! Yes, I am. I'm going to do some quick editing and transfer it over once it's complete. I'm actually less than 10 parts from writing the end, so that will be very soon. So I would totally recommend waiting until that instead of navigating the tumblr system. Some people have a user subscription out for me on ao3 at theheartofthekoko because that will definitely be the next fic I post there. I'll also make a post on tumblr and add it to my pinned once it's over if you just wanna keep an eye out!

Also I so feel you for the Multiple Parts on tumblr thing. I struggle the same way. It's honestly impressive that anyone is still reading it through tumblr. Like, I'm in the 90's now. That is SO Much to keep track of. And once you're behind it's just Daunting.

I'm glad you like my work enough that you'd be willing to suffer through that much tumblr reading 😊

[the-paris-of-people]

not to be mean but kinda cuz why are d4xtons so delusional? and i love paxton but devi and paxton would never be the type to wait for each other or keep up with a distance relationship. paxton wasn’t willing to do that on s2 (ben was btw). they are not even close enough friends to keep up with one another in the same place. with ben that’s believable cuz they have a foundation that has never been shown w paxton. ben and devi can be close friends while in other relationships. ben and devi only talk when they are together because outside of that there’s not common ground. devi not knowing paxton was going to work at school as a coach just meant they didn’t communicate at all the whole summer break. she wouldn’t care abt paxton if he wasn’t back in school. he is meant to be just her high school dream and i think this will be touched upon on season 4.

and now they’re saying ben and devi being all about sex now but that’s been d4xton’s whole foundation since the show started? devi went after paxton because he was hot and wanted to have sex w him. it remained the same until season 2. on season 3 devi realized she wasn’t ready. and wouldn’t be fair for both devi and paxton to be with people that are in the same life stages as them? growing up with them?

the way some dxtons are acting because devi didn’t own her first time to paxton so idk why they are self inserting on devi. she was not comfortable having sex w paxton but did when ben. that’s her choice.

paxton is great just not w devi.

okay I really like this ask and there's a lot to talk about here.

1.) I totally agree Paxton and Devi are not close at all- they didn't even talk AT ALL (or barely at all) after they broke up TWO YEARS AGO when they dated for TWO MONTHS. In an actual high school timeline, they would never speak to each other again. If Paxton didn't work at her school, they never would've spoken, and you're totally right, they weren't even close enough for Devi to know he was working at Sherman Oaks! Also... can we just comment on the fact that the writers MADE Paxton drop out of college (I am like 90% sure) and act as a swimming coach at his former high school just to revive Devi and Paxton's relationship? Like, I'm sorry, but that is so extreme and a testament to how distant they are. Meanwhile, Ben and Devi just naturally wind up speaking to each other again because they gravitate towards each other and share common interests (extracurricular activities, classes, etc.) I feel like also aside from the short period of time they didn't speak after the cheating, they've always been in each other's lives. Daxton doesn't have that history.

2.) I haven't heard them saying that Ben and Devi are all about sex, but that's genuinely so weird. The reason the sex is such a big deal and why Ben getting with Margo after sleeping with Devi is so hurtful is because it was such a personal decision for Devi and she only did it with Ben because she's emotionally connected to him and felt comfortable enough to do it. I don't necessarily agree the Daxton relationship was all about sex for Devi, although it started off that way, I think it's more about Devi's pressure to conform to societal coming of age standards and the idealized lifestyle of an (American, because let's be real that's a huge part of it) teenager, while Paxton sees Devi as a representation of the person he wants to be (bolder, smarter, more exciting).

3.) I totally agree and I love that you said it's not fair to EITHER of them. Honestly the main reason I am annoyed with Daxton is not only because it's a huge character regression moment for Devi, but also for Paxton! Like he really was doing so well with his life and moving on... only to go backwards which is maybe what going back to his high school to assistant coach represents I am not sure.

4.) YES this is my main complaints about Daxton, it seems so much more focused on Paxton then how they are as a couple. The self-insertion is too real, it drives me crazy. If any of these people were anything like Devi, they would never date a Paxton.

[silverusso]

Been thinking about terry spoiling Mike and Daniel in kk3 or maybe the 90s they just are both his little sugar babies that he fucks on the regular and they are both so cute and sassy and he just loves watching them go at each other which leads to rough making out and sex and he is just enjoying both his boys like he loves them both and spoiling them and then in cobra Kai they just all take cobra Kai away from Johnny and all run it together

I have had an idea similar to this that's just been stewing in the back of my head basically since season 5. (Can't say whether I'll ever write it) but here's the premise:

Set after the AVT -Mike still loses- but Terry pays to smooth things over so Mike & Cobra Kai don't get banned. He also pays to keep the loss hush-hush so it doesn't tarnish Mike's reputation bc he plans to sponsor Mike as Cobra Kai's poster boy (Mike's a national champ after all and already pretty well known considering he's in karate magazines) but with someone like Silver sponsoring him? He's really living the life, flying all over the place to compete in bigger and better tournaments, doing interviews and photoshoots and commercials etc ((he's my boy and and i will give him everything ck didn't dammit!)) He and Daniel both live with Terry and Danny's no less spoiled than Mike is, but per an agreement with Mr. Miyagi, Daniel doesn't compete like Mike does. Even so, he can do whatever else he wants (after all, Terry can and will finance anything Daniel could ask for). But Terry still has to make things right for Kreese so he gives him back his dojo in the Valley and even gives him back his star student Johnny (look i didn't really think that hard about how he manages to pull that one off. maybe brainwashing or spells are involved idk💀) anways, happy ending for everyone more or less except Johnny I guess lmao.

[zoobus]

What about the other chapters (I stopped playing after chapter 4 because I found the resolution of the conflict too bullshit)

Chapter 1: hi my name is Riddle and I force everyone to follow the rules, no matter how stupid. I do this because my Disney villain won, thus following stupid rules should be seen as moral. Holy, even. Objectively good? Absolutely.

His friends: so obviously following all these stupid rules is objectively bad. We all know. Despite the fact that we live in a country where the stupid rules villain won.

Riddle: omg you're right, also my mom never let me have cake as a kid. Group hug🫂

Chapter 2: hi my name is Leona. I'm leaning into the villain angle, I will let innocent people get hurt if it suits my needs or they annoy me. Don't be fooled though! My tragic backstory is that apparently servants are allowed to talk smack about royalty as long as they're not the firstborn. Really hurt my feelings. I'm just like a poor person when you think about it.

I supported Leona ripping magical ACLs for petty reasons and I figured he was the designated overblot since he's the hottest bishie in his dorm but I kept asking - what the fuck are YOU stressed over? Ruggie's the one doing all the work? And when he gets caught and starts that PATHETIC cope like uwah I never wanted to win in the first place I'm just a sad little second prince who can never be king... His hotness rolled back into the negatives which is crazy. Even crazier that there's no real resolution for Leona talking all that shit to his righthand man like that. This was the perfect opp for a tension relieving face punch and they didn't do it

Chapter 3: this one was actually 80% good, Ursula's grandbaby is out here scheming and manipulating, making contracts with morons too dumb to consider the rammies. But by this point we knew what was coming - an embarrassing forced character killing tragic backstory. Azul only writes up manipulative contracts (which again, should be perceived as morally good since Ursula won in this universe) because he was bullied and worse... He was f*t.

What do I even say to this? How dare you.

Chapter 4: this one was 90% good, just ignore the forced friendship end. Imagine having to make yourself small for the sake of some grinning clown too stupid to even appreciate it. He doesn't notice the sacrifices, he doesn't care that if he earns a 70, Jamil has to earn a 65. God I loved when they zeroed in on how stupid you'd have to be to think of your servant as your friend. This is the first one where I've rooted for the "villain" from start to finish. So they had to do a

Here's how I would fix each chapter

I don't care about anyone in this dorm. Delete.

Why is Jack even there if not to fulfill his natural role? Jack who is driven by justice and doing the right thing regardless of the consequences. The natural conclusion should have been Jack physically assaulting Leona (could be a beating, could be a shounen friendship punch, but he NEEDED to get hit) and then evading the consequences of assaulting royalty (I will keep the theme of evading consequences for the various felonies committed in-game because it's funny). Also add some kind of resolution between Ruggie and Leona. I can forgive giving children permanent knee injuries, but degrading your right-hand man? In public?

I remove the stupid bullying backstory entirely. Ursula didn't need a reason to steal a teenager's voice! She did it for the thrill of the game! Make his breaking point about, idk, hubris, making contracts with the wrong person. Bring male Cruella in somehow because I like him. Also draw his octopus form without the blot, it's not faaaaaaiiiiirrrrrr that only Jade and Floyd have fishsonas. I make him fat also.

Jamil succeeds👍 also give the voice actor more time to work on his evil laugh because it was a little 😬

Vil succeeds👍 Rook does not do That. And turn this arc into literally anything popularity related that isn't singing/idols.

[pendragonthegreat]

dj machale at creature feature weekend!

yesterday i went to gettysburg, pa to creature feature weekend to see dj machale! this was a horror convention so he was there for ayaotd, but he seemed happy to talk about his books with me! following under the cut is a very long summary of all that happened, enjoy reading (or just look at the pictures if you want)

i got two books from my collection signed: my german merchant of death, and my special edition raven rise. he told me a little about both of these books:

on german tmod, he first asked if i was german but i explained i'm just a collector of his books, and i love the cover art for this one... he told me that it's one of his favorites too! i'm really happy to hear that and to have it signed since it's the source of the icon i use most places, including here on tumblr.

he seemed really surprised to see the special edition raven rise, saying he hadn't seen one in a really long time. i had always wondered about this book, and he explained that it was a kind of promotional tool sent to bookstores and libraries before the ninth book came out. he also said that it's basically an ARC, which surprised me because i thought it was just a special dust jacket, and that the actual book was the same as any other raven rise. but i'll have to compare it with another copy to see. will update

he said while signing raven rise, "i'll sign this the way i sign all pendragons" and of course wrote hobey ho... :]

(he also seemed to remember me from the zoom call i had with him back in may after i reminded him!)

after we talked about the books i brought, i mentioned that i watched flight 29 down at his recommendation and he seemed really excited to talk about that show! he told me about how the show was originally only made with 2 seasons, and it wasn't until after high school musical came out (and corbin bleu became more popular) that dj was asked to finish the story and they made the movie. i found this super interesting! then he told me about how he recently went to see corbin in new york, as he's currently starring in little shop of horrors off broadway. he even showed me a picture of them together yayy

after i got those autographs i waited around until his panel, which was mostly about ayaotd. a lot of it was even stuff i've heard before in interviews, but it was still a lot of fun for me! he also mentioned tower of terror. huge for me. and after the panel he played a really corny 90's music video from one of the vhs releases of ayaotd which was really fun to see :)

then was my photo op! this was super fast but i was really hoping to show him my sylo dog tags (i'm wearing them in the pic but not the right way around lol) and he was really shocked to see these too! at first he thought it was from f29d because apparently there were also dog tags made for that show.

then we talked about sylo and he seemed excited to talk about that too! he asked me how i liked the ending and we talked about the movie that never got made and it was soo fun but really fast and in fact the photographer had to cut us off to get to the next person. lol

here's our picture!

this could have been the end but i kept thinking like... it's not against the rules to just get in line at the autograph table again... so i did that.

i was kind of worried he'd be sick of me atp but i think he was pleased to see me again? lol idk. still i tried to make this interaction short so other ppl could talk to him so i just showed him the picture we took earlier (he was really unhappy with the background so i promised i'd tell everyone he didn't pick it lolll) then i asked him if he's working on anything right now and he told me he's still working on getting the paper trail (his next book) out, and he's pitching a horror movie right now that may or may not get made. i got one of the ayaotd prints signed and then i told him i'd be looking forward to his future work and thanked him profusely for his time... and he thanked me for coming... and that was it. okay thanks for reading

[easy-revenge]

hey!! idk if tumblr ate my ask, the himeno brainrot has faded or if you just didn’t feel like it (which is so valid lmao no worries) but i would love to hear your headcanons for her!! xx

hiii so sorry !! i actually started answering ur ask when i was on vacation a couple weeks back and then i didnt have enough ideas and put it in my drafts....and to no one's surprise i forgot about it lmao so thank u for reminding me !!

also i can't NOT have himeno brainrot atp don't worry heheh

however im afraid I won't deliver too much on this bc instead of like individual headcanons ive mostly just filled in the blanks that canon left with my own things (often self-indulgent) and made up a life for himeno which i now basically treat as canon lmao (yes this is delusion central)

i will attempt this though but fair warning that a lot of the behaviors and things i associate with her aren't very wholesome or a jolly good time (i suffer daily with this brain)

(cw for mentions of addiction and a lil bit of drugs, i promise it gets more lighthearted after the first few ones lmao)

so, starting off strong, I don't think himeno spends a lot of her time sober. namely, i headcanon her almost always running on some kind of buzz. i think it's established that she handles her liquor well so i dont think it would be noticeable at work, but considering she trained under kishibe for a long time, i can see her having a flask of her own and sipping at it throughout the day.

in the same spirit, i think she would also take any opportunity to properly get wasted. friday nights with aki at her apartment, outings with the people from work etc, especially if she doesn't have work in the morning. i think maybe she believes she's more fun to be around when drunk.

i don't think these behaviors are about entertainment, but rather a way she's found to be more "functional" and able to keep doing what she does and uphold the carefree persona she's established, hence incorporating them into her life to the point of very rarely being stone cold sober.

i think she also doesn't like the idea of her family knowing about how she copes. maybe she doesn't answer her father's phonecalls sometimes, scared of sounding too noticeably drunk at noon on a tuesday. or she's often stressed about her sister's occasional surprise visits in case she comes over and finds himeno's place in disarray and her in a similar state.

apart from alcohol, which is basically canon, i once had a thought about himeno occasionally abusing pills. pain meds prescribed for recovering from a work injury hitting just right paired with some beer on the side one evening and boom yk. i bet it wouldn't be too hard for her, considering her line of work, to get her hands on opioids regularly enough, especially since the story is set in the 90s and doctors used to prescribe them left and right before the amount of patients getting dependent skyrocketed.

to complete the holy trinity of vices, again based on things mentioned in canon, i think himeno is also the type of person to sleep around a lot with distraction being the objective. she has a reputation for getting flirty and handsy with ppl from public safety when drunk and i think that speaks for itself. this is not inherently a vice ofc, but in her case I don't think she engages in this behavior being sound of mind. it almost never happens when she's sober and i headcanon her often regretting it at least briefly the next day.

oof that was a lot lmao. um chill anyways, on a lighter note i have a couple thoughts about her relationship with aki !!

i think it's a habit for them to take care of each other's injuries after missions. im actually writing a fic about aki showing up at himeno's doorstep, bleeding and expecting to be taken care of in his own begrudging, stuck up way lmao. i think himeno is less likely to straight up go to his house for that, but i see them leaving public safety and going home together to shower and bandage their wounds in companionable silence.

additionally to that whole thing, i personally do believe that their relationship could've had a non-platonic side to it, albeit still casual in its nature. leaving that aside, i think they share quite a bit of affection and physical touch regardless, considering how casually we see them invading each other's personal space in canon. so i think they sleep in the same bed a lot, after tending to each other's wounds, or getting too drunk in himeno's living room. i think it took a while for aki to stop being tense and relax into it, but they settled into a comfortable zone and it was sth they both needed more than they would ever admit.

fujimoto once talked about himeno and said that she is the type to leave a lot of her stuff behind at aki's place and u better believe i ran with it. clothes, hair brushes, a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, you can't change my mind. i also think that to some extent it goes both ways. himeno has a shitload of aki's tupperware at her place, from all the food he brings her weekly, and she never washes them unless aki comes over to do it himself and by the time he decides to take some back, there's always more. black hair ties are often littered in her bathroom cabinets and on one of her night stands. a book on her windowsill that aki brought to read before bed once and then never took home.

not to get dark again, but talking about them is bound to make me sad sooner or later :) based on the way she thinks about aki's death in canon, i think she would often panic when thinking about aki's shrivelling lifespan, especially at the beginning when aki had a lot of years to spare and surely used the sword more freely. i imagine her being restless in her bed with aki sleeping next to her, feeling compelled to check on his breathing or his pulse. reach over and touch his hand to feel him alive and warm, hoping it would soothe her to sleep.

i also think she's there a lot of the times aki cries. i bet the first time she saw him was accidental, or at least not a conscious decision on aki's part. i also bet himeno didn't really know what to think of it initially, but soon looked at aki under a different light bc of it. i think aki finds comfort in himeno being in the same room as the tears spill from his eyes after a day of watching people die. and i think himeno loves giving him that, even though it tugs at her chest in uncomfortable ways she can't quite point out.

i feel compelled to but i won't go into the whole being in love with aki situation, because first of all its not even a headcanon but very much there and secondly i will ramble indefinitely about how i think her pining for him would manifest and this is already a huge post god bless

on a slightly different note before i bring this to a close, i like thinking about her bond with kishibe a lot as well. it's not shown enough in the anime or manga, but i imagine them being friends. i think they would go out for drinks but more to talk than get wasted. i think they'd have the capacity to talk about very real things but also nothing at all. kishibe might be the only person himeno talks to properly about aki, aside from her letters to her sister, because he shares the same life as her and inevitably has more space tl understand. maybe kishibe gets to talk a bit about quanxi too.

haha oh well :D that's all i have for now. if u read this far thank you and also im sorry lmao. hadn't sat down to microwave himeno like this in a hot minute i loved getting the opportunity to do it so thanks for the ask anon !! till next time ~

[philhoffman]

Watched A Most Wanted Man (2014) for a special Monday Philm this week—since last March, I’ve been rewatching all of PSH’s films in chronological order and this one completes the cycle (I know, the Mockingjays were released later, but I grouped The Hunger Games films together for my own continuity).

To be completely honest I spent most of this rewatch counting how many cigarettes Günther Bachmann smokes throughout the film (keeping a real pen-and-paper tally in my movie-watching notebook)—the answer is about 22. Real ones, the herbal cigarettes Phil said he was smoking all day anyway. There is much to be said about the cinematic value of smoking cigarettes—and I plan on writing more about that at some point!—but man there’s no doubt not many people (if anyone) do it better than him. It’s so much a part of Bachmann, of Hoffman—his breath made visible, hanging in the air. Cinema!

“We find them. We become their friends, their brothers, their fathers, their lovers, if we must.”

Still one of my favorite films, even more so since I read the book a few months ago. Surprisingly high rewatchability factor, especially if you’re like me and generally do not know what’s going on in espionage stories ever. I think I’ve finally caught up to this one—but the tension is so thick, I still find myself half-hoping, half-begging, “Maybe it will go right this time, maybe it will end differently, maybe he will not walk away.”

Watching all of Phil Hoffman’s films in chronological order was supposed to give me some kind of insight into his development as an actor, the various periods and patterns of his career, his artistic growth. But really, pretty early on, I kinda forgot I was supposed to be thinking about that. I just loved being surprised by what was next on my schedule, seeing him for a few extra hours each week. Lately I’ve been thinking about how Phil made watching films very easy on us, the viewer—he is so good, it’s so natural, you can forget you’re watching PSH the actor and instead witness a real soul brought to life from a screenplay, he suspends your disbelief for you and you go willingly—and also so very hard—how does someone breathe life into a few lines on paper like that? why do I see myself in this character I’ve been told to hate, to be repulsed by? why can’t I look away, why is this painful, why am I still thinking about it days and weeks and years later? He always delivered, from that youthful (over)exuberance, a palpable excitement like static on your screen, to the quieter, more mature gravity he found later in his career (The Master, A Most Wanted Man). His entire life he gave it 110% and then some.

The first time I watched his filmography through, I did it in random order, whatever I felt like that week. This time was (mostly) chronological. I’m not sure what I’m going to do next, except I know I’m not ready to give this series up quite yet. It’s been over two years now and it’s hard to imagine not having something to look forward to on otherwise bleak Monday nights. And no, as my family and friends have asked, I don’t get tired of them. The volume of his work is so extensive and the material is so wide-ranging, there’s always something I’m craving or haven’t seen in over a year. Tbh I’ve missed the 90s lately—it’s been months since I’ve sat down to watch almost any of them, I miss that buoyancy and his babyface.

I’ve been thinking about doing a little less in these posts—collecting and editing the stills and writing the reviews is time-consuming (and sometimes emotionally taxing) late on a work night and how much, really, can I say about Patch Adams (my beloved)? But, idk. “And the zen master says, we’ll see.”

Over two years of Monday Philms and this blog, which I kinda started as a place to put these reviews, has a couple hundred followers now. Thank you for being here for this journey. But I can’t take much credit for that—I think, I hope, most of y’all are here because of Phil, his work, his life as a brilliant artist and a sweet, handsome, generous person, all the ways he’s inspired and understood you. I like to think we have a nice little community built around that shared love. For me, I am forever indebted to him. My life is changed in every way—fuller, better, more loving and relentless—because it’s now intertwined with his. Thank you Phil so much for everything I love you <3

[pastafossa]

i’m curious and idk if you’ve answered something like this before but what type of music do you think matt and jane like, both individually or maybe what they’re introduced each other too etc etc

ok so I've been thinking about this since it came in but haven't had time until now BUT

Matt first! Matt mentions in S2 at the gala that he likes to listen to 90s Top 40. This includes a shit ton of good stuff - you've got everyone from Whitney Houston and Elton John to Nirvana and Green Day (no way teenage Matt didn't have a Green Day period). On top of that, in the comics iirc he mentions enjoying Jazz, and I know Charlie's been asked the same question and said he imagined Matt would like listening to classical (if I was building on that last one along with Matt's stated fondness for 90s top 40, I'd say he'd especially enjoy, say, an artist like David Garrett who frequently does rock covers with his violin). I could pick just one of those to lean into as to what Matt likes, but I don't think I need to. I think it's far more likely that Matt's a blend of musical tastes, because with his heightened senses, there'd be different things to appreciate with each. And while I do think there are songs and sounds he finds unpleasant, I think he can swing around pretty easily between genres. I see him listening to a fair amount of 90s/2000s rock (tends to drown the world out, and the rebellious streak in him probably takes some pleasure in enjoying what he might have been told was 'worldly listening' by nuns). But I also see him as enjoying a fair amount of softer classical songs or pop and folk (easier on his ears, or nice for dates as we know), as well as jazz (relaxing). This is great for Jane, because it means Matt would have an excellent talent for pulling out old hits she only vaguely remembers listening to but really enjoyed, and also for following her on whatever musical journey she takes - he'd also be a little more up to date on music than her, so he'd probably introduce her to some new(ish) alt artists, softer sounds usually - Jaymes Young, some of Hozier's newer stuff, songs he thinks she'll connect to.

Sweet moment: somewhere lost in the mountain of asks in my box I vaguely remember someone saying they could see Matt liking to play Jane love songs to see if he could get her to sing them later, like she was singing to him. And I love this and agree with it. Especially on bad and broken, self-loathing days, cause he needs love on those days, wants to hear Jane hum or quietly sing the words, because then it's like she's singing all that love to him. And once she figures out that's what he's doing, she makes a point of doing it more often, even putting on the songs herself and mumbling them quietly as he lays with his head on her chest, her fingers in his hair.

Jane next. I had to think about this for a while (and as always, as musical preferences are VERY personal, ya'll are free to disregard this). I can tell you that while she's ok with classical now and can even enjoy it sometimes (first date), she had to work at that one with Ciro since there was a lot of classical played 'for brain development' while she was at White Coat's facility. Outside that though, she wasn't sure what she liked when she first came out. She tried a lot of things with Ciro and Eli and Sophia, much like she did with food, hunting for what she enjoyed. I think, at least initially, a lot of the music she heard - classical, pop, jazz, country, ballads, Disney even - was too... gentle. Cause this poor kid? She was angry. She felt awkward, out of place. She still felt trapped by nightmares and PTSD, and wanted to feel free, to shout, to revel in something that wasn't slow and measured and soft, something that seemed to acknowledge the pain of what she'd went through. But you know what channeled those feelings really well? Fucking punk rock. And if we assume she's close to Matt's age, then at 16 she was freed at the right time to roll right into Green Day, Paramore, Fall Out Boy, and My Chemical Romance. I think she vibed hard with that genre during those few years with Ciro before going on the run again, and it's something she'll always have a fondness for even if she's now expanded her tastes - because ultimately I think, with where she's at now, she's become a bit of a racoon. She'd delight in listening to artists across multiple genres based solely on some random quirk or line or chorus that stuck in her head, just because she can. Which means Matt's just as likely to come home to Jane howling along to a nostalgic punk rock song as he is to her blasting some random Broadway tune she heard in a cab (no one is immune to Lin Manuel) or a Taylor Swift song on loop because this sounds like us, Matt, what the fuck, have you heard this?

Funny moment: needless to say she is not prepared for Dance Dance to be her song of the evening as Matt walks through the door one night - she freezes, wondering if this is going to be an Ow My Ears song.

At least until he throws out, 'I'm two quarters and a heart down' and tosses his cane as her eyes light up and he grins-

-then the chorus hits and they both fucking rock.

They both wind up collapsed on the floor giggling. And that's when she is reminded that, yet again, Matt is the perfect man to go with her wherever her music journey takes her.

[polyamorouspunk]

Hello to my fave polypunk blog!

Now, it's totally okay if you don't feel like giving advice on the matter, since it's not directly about poly relationship stuff (although I am), but, I've got no better ideas on who to ask since my partners have all pretty much shrugged and been like "IDK I don't know the best play here either." But yeah, feel totally free to just leave this one in the ask box.

So, theoretically, if you were a trans guy flirting with a gay man over the web who has never seen you, how would you go about gauging his interest in trans guys without necessarily implicating yourself and ruining whatever image he's got of you in his head?

Technically, I suppose it doesn't matter, since I doubt we'll ever really meet. But it would be nice to be able to flirt without like, avoiding mentioning aspects of your own body, hence, wanting to find out. But also, it's fun to be casually flirty, and it would be sad and would hurt if he suddenly viewed me as a girl and started treating me like one. So I'd rather keep the illusion of being a cis guy alive for him if he doesn't have interest in trans bodies. Not because I want to "trick" him, but more because, since we're never gonna meet anyway, I'd rather he imagine me as a cis boy than a girl, and therefore talk to me as one, because it's been cathartic to have that kind of unhesitant acceptance of my masculinity.

Again, ultimately, it doesn't really matter. It's casual, for fun, unserious flirting. It's fun enough as it is, and we both know it isn't gonna go anywhere so a little bit of feeding into a fantasy isn't really a problem. I can keep playing the role of a guy who has been a guy the whole time. But it would be doubly nice to let that last bit of guard down.

As it stands, I've already often mentioned that "people mistake me for a girl all the time", and that "puberty didn't treat me well so I never got a deep voice or any height, but at least it gave me a fat ass and nice tits in exchange", and shown my tiny delicate hands after mentioning how they aren't very manly-looking, which aren't particularly damning factors on their own, but I feel like if I outright ask how he feels about trans guys after all that, the pieces are gonna click and change his mental picture of me whether or not I want him to change it yet, so I was hoping you might be able to think of a subtler method.

No I totally feel that. That’s why it’s so much easier for me to be like online as a trans guy (ish) instead of like irl because like. I do not pass at all. And right now I’m not looking to pass. But when I have an unrealistic crush on a gay guy a part of me always wants to be like “hey… ya like… boys… who don’t look like boys… or sound like boys… or ID as boys 90% of the time….” Like yeah the amont of gay dudes I have a crush on is. Sad. Like. Yeah.

I’m in kind of a similar place, perhaps like a tangential place, where I’ve been playing the “no gender, no problem” game a bit and I kinda wanna be like. Actually yeah this is my gender.

Like it’s nice when people online see you as just “a guy”, not cis, not trans, etc. Or see you as not even a girl or a guy just a person. I think it can be subtle enough if you can say something like “so do a lot of gay guys date pre-op trans guys or is it like they gotta have a dick and if that’s the case do they date a lot of post-op trans guys?”

Or, go the “character” route where you pick a [identity] character and talk about them. Like, this is SUCH a bad example but I know in 911 Lone Star there’s an arc where a trans guy is trying to date and he gets outed or outs himself or something and it goes bad because the trans thing like idk bringing it up as a “fictional character” is something I’ve seen suggested for polyamory and also suggested for polyamory. I hope that makes sense.

Or you could talk about how YOU have dated trans people and see where that leads. Like “yeah I dated a trans guy once it was great” and they maybe say something idk.

I hope something like that helps and as always if anyone else has any advice I’m open to them dropping it.