#also if anyone has any feedback or ideas or criticisms they want to share with me feel free to send them to my inbox

[evildilf2]

v interested in reading your thots about the jail ending

YIPPEE ok I’ll put them under a readmore so anyone who wants to avoid speculation can skip by. This will likely be incoherent, informal, and a bit all over the place, I hope you don’t mind LOL!

Some disclaimers: I trust that the bcs writers more than I would trust myself with the series haha, so this isn’t like… me saying this NEEDS to happen or anything like that, I’m just speculating! Also, know that this comes from someone who 1) is generally sympathetic towards Jimmy and 2) has only seen each episode once. (I’m saving my rewatch for after the finale!)

Let me start by saying this: the reason a prison ending appeals to me has nothing to do with wanting Jimmy to “get what he deserves”. This might make my perspective biased, but I’m an anarchist and prison abolitionist. I don’t believe in retributive justice, and honestly, while Better Call Saul isn’t a show ABOUT justice, I don’t think BCS is necessarily pro-retribution either. BCS seems to have a critical, and cynical attitude toward revenge and retribution: the world isn’t fair, and when people try to take matters into their own hands, they overestimate their ability to control the behavior of others, and they underestimate what people are capable of doing. I think this idea is present in most of the characters' stories. A lot of them have explanations for their behavior or motivations that I find sympathetic or arguably noble, but their quests for power and revenge only perpetuate each other, and bring about the gravest consequences for everyone involved.

In addition (this is kinda a non-sequitur but idgaf) I think in BCS, prison as a consequence isn't framed the same way that it is in BrBa. In Walter White's story, prison is quite blatantly portrayed as a punishment worse than death, but it doesn't seem to have the same stakes in BCS. Initially, I was averse to the idea of Jimmy getting a prison ending, as the depiction of prison in BrBa was still fresh in my memory & I honestly think he's a better guy than Walter ever was. But as you can see, I've thought it over and changed my mind.

So the way I see it, there are 2 probable prison endings (or categories, since I'm not going over every variable in this post): a pessimistic ending and a bittersweet ending. In the pessimistic ending, Jimmy would get caught, get sent to prison, and he takes Jeff with him. The way I understand his character as of now, is that being sent to prison involuntarily would only enable his current downward spiral. It would feed into this idea he has that the world is against him, and I honestly don’t think he would learn anything by being forced into a prison cell.

The bittersweet ending, which I honestly think is more likely, is that Jimmy turns himself in. What I suspect will happen, is that something terrible will happen to the man whose house he’s breaking into (maybe he dies from mixing the water bottle drugs with his meds), and when faced with the direct consequences of his actions, right after having that conversation with Kim, Jimmy might have a moment of self-awareness and be able to reflect on his (not inability) refusal to change his behavior. Turning himself in would be a huge moment of character growth for him as he is actively choosing to do the right thing, and I think an internal revelation and willingness to accept consequences for his actions would do more justice to the people he has wronged than forcefully imprisoning him ever would. I also don't think he would tell on Jeff in this scenario since Jimmy's the one who roped him into everything, & because Jimmy of all people should understand the value of second chances.

REGARDLESS of if he goes to jail or not though, I think he needs to make some sacrifices. I don’t think a 100% happy ending with a mcwexler reunion is in the cards for him, nor do I think it should be. But who knows what will happen! I’m sure it will be great.

[tamelee]

As a beginner artist im only happy when people reupload and share my art. I don’t want to be arragont enough to think im like samdoesart or something and you’re not really on that level either no offense though your art is inspiring me a lot

Okay, I'll address this then... (Art-rant for anyone who cares;) 

... no offense taken. I'm very aware of my (skill)’level' in art and definitely feel a certain type of way about it ;-; .... but that aside, what is your argument here?

Is anyone who doesn't want their art reposted or uploaded on other accounts considered arrogant? Is there some kind of popularity threshold you need to cross before you can request something as simple as this? And if so, what's that threshold to you? I'm genuinely curious.

When does someone become "good" enough to have the right to say that their art is theirs and protect it from being stolen or decide where it gets shared? Who has any say in it, other than the artist or creator themselves? Isn't that extremely subjective to base it solely on that?

Hm. If you're a beginner artist, I'd like to offer some advice....

It's entirely up to you whether you read it, give it any thought, or find it valuable in any way. I'm no Sam, after all. But there are plenty of ways for others to support your art, engage with it, or share it even in their own accounts without taking anything away from the original creator, whether it's art/writing or any other type of creation. However, it's also perfectly fine if you personally don't care about it or if someone allows it only with proper credit because that's your decision as.. you know- the original creator.

You mentioned that you're happy when your art gets reuploaded as a form of "sharing." But do you know what makes me the happiest as an artist Nonee?

Do you know what really brightens my day? 🥹

...It's knowing what people are saying about my work because I can read it on my own posts that are on my own accounts. When I can respond and take it in fully. When I see people using tags that make me snort my drink or when I have to stifle a laugh to the point I’m choking because it's just SO funny! (I genuinely need to make a compilation!!) Sometimes, I get comments that are cursing me out in a playful manner, and it's often followed by an incoherent keyboard-smash. I end up making embarrassing alien-like noises because of it that makes me more grateful than ever to live alone. Other times, I bawl my eyes out because someone left a comment or tagged it with something that just hits differently. A while ago, I got an ask that said I should stop saying 'thank you' on everything because it got repetitive/annoying(?), but I genuinely feel so grateful for all of it 😭!!

I get new ideas because someone suggested something different. I see friends having entire conversations under a drawing that I'm not even a part of because apparently, what I drew resonated with them personally, or it made them feel a certain way, which is oddly fulfilling with art ;-; Just so you know, I read everything... and all this feedback (because it's all feedback in a way) can be very inspiring, don't you think?

Honestly, when it comes to activities like drawing, it's true that it is better to never do it solely for the sake of engagement. Drawing, or more specifically, living as an (aspiring) artist is incredibly lonely.

So, so lonely...

Relying on engagement alone to keep you creating for hours, days, years, or maybe even decades is just not sustainable. It takes an enormous amount of time and dedication to practice, come up with new ideas, and endure the inevitable frustrations that come with it. With anything, keeping yourself inspired at times takes effort also because it requires for you to be in a state of mind that allows new idea’s in the first place which in itself takes practice because you won’t always feel like drawing. You might even encounter nasty comments or discover that something you poured your heart into gets criticized, YOU as a person may even be criticized because what you drew with your current skills (and such a journey is never-ending) in a single moment could get paired with your entire personality or even your humanly morals (ffs) to judge. Which can be more hurtful than you'd expect... especially in the beginning.

Although it may sound silly, the saying "the fun is in the journey” is very real and likely the most important thing to keep you going as an artist. No matter what, you gotta have fun or find a way to have fun.

Yet, even so, now more than ever, the process of creating is very underappreciated as many are looking for “content” that's quickly generated for entertainment. Tsk, some even call art “content” which, IT IS NOT. It's a proven fact that we, as humans, currently have become dopamine junkies with short attention spans. (I totally understand this – I was diagnosed with ADD, hence my extreme hyper-fixations also 😆 it's both a blessing and a curse, tbh.) So, right now, the very thing that can support artists (which means you as a beginner also!) on their creative journey is letting them know you appreciate their art in any way or just let them know your thoughts maybe even by specifying what it was you liked about it so they can carry that into their next drawing.. which is only truly possible through your own accounts y’know? :’) I'm being sincere when I say this really can help. 

I get that many people believe that creating should be satisfying in itself, and everyone may expect you to think that way because, after all, you want people to see what you've made and a reposter ‘helps’ you with that, so, it should be enough and you should be happy and grateful actually. Anything beyond that might be considered "arrogant."

And... based on your ask, it seems like you might view having your art reuploaded as a form of 'help,' and if that's the case, it's totally fine. But I want to share a rather harsh reality, because even if those who repost your art provide credit...

They don’t do it for you and it’s not necessarily because they love your art so much 👀 rarely anyone cares to go through a description full with useless trend-based tags or promotive texts they always use only to put in the effort to find your name and most likely, if they follow such accounts there is zero connection with the original artist/creator which means it is WAY more likely in this case that the art you worked on for idk how long ends up becoming a forgettable blur as it is scrolled past 🤷🏻‍♀️

And even if the reposter likes your art personally, that's probably not their primary motivation to share it (except for a very few who are in it for a fandom, sns has a few also). Art that gets ‘selected’ for reposting is typically selected with a specific, often trend-oriented, goal that has little to do with the artist. It's frequently shared with the mindset of a rather poorly-driven marketer. Especially on platforms like IG- many of these accounts exist to benefit the account owner only by making high(er)-follower accounts that later get a different purpose. Many of these accounts will discard all art once it has reached an engagement goal to then move onto something new that's more financially profitable to the account owner, which original art by others is not. And yeah, a lot of these accounts are sold after. There are especially many now due to the IG affiliate program, and recently tiktok also. The same is quickly happening on X with its monetization... and guess what :’)!!! Although original art is hard to monetize, Ai is completely approved.... 🤨🙄 But I won't bore you with all the specifics any longer.

Me not wanting my art on other platforms/accounts, has little to do with credit nor do I think in the very least that I have some sort of control over it by making that decision... but still. I refuse to willingly take part in anything that currently takes ‘art’ (any creative form) and makes a mockery of it, using it for mere "content" or treats it as this ‘thing’ that appeared out of nowhere to then just use any way people like and participate in the narrative that gives the impression that investing time in creating something isn't valuable or a cherished part of human expression that brings and promotes joy. 

Because rarely do people take the damn time anymore.

I want all artists/writers/creators/etc- to be acknowledged for their work in general, or, even in the least, acknowledge the work that isn't seen that goes into the final result for others to enjoy. I don't want to continually see art stolen and exploited so rapidly. This phenomenon enables tech bros who don’t have a single ounce of argumentative skill or self-proclaimed "entrepreneurs" to generate their little stolen jpg’s for their absurd 3 a.m. morning-routine videos and use them as banners on their get-rich-quick schemes, scamming the unsuspecting and spamming the internet with this bs, largely thanks to AI making this partly possible... for example. There's not a single platform left that supports artists or helps them fight for security and protection for their work. I know and I'm aware. At the very least, we can say 'no' to reposting because giving up completely makes no room for possible solutions... and then we can work from where we are at all times to find ways to protect a right (because it is) that some might perceive as trivial. 

Nevertheless, it is a right, and it definitely isn't an issue of arrogance or skill.

[all-my-love-jk]

hello my lovelies!!!

Alright, so this is something I have been planning for almost a year now. I have always loved fantasy novels and good storylines, and one of the ways I connect with GVF’s music is through the stories and images they are able to depict through music. I couldn’t help myself from creating a universe from it. They’ve said themselves it’s like LOTR! :)) With that being said, through this I am in no way claiming that this is the only message these songs give or that this comes even close, i’m only taking inspiration from these song lyrics and creating a real connected story from it. also, i don’t in any way claim this as original, these characters and storylines are heavily developed from what GVF has already written and inspired by their own personalities; full credit goes to their wonderful music :)

so, my idea is to start writing out some of it here, sharing concepts and ideas, possibly full chapters or in depth character analysis, because I’m still figuring out the story myself! I’m also looking for collaboration, because if this were to get bigger and become an actual full book on the forum, I would need some help lmao😭

Anyways, please feel welcome to leave any feedback/criticisms you may have because this is a work in progress and I want your input! i’ve enjoyed reading so many amazing stories through tumbler and other platforms like ao3, but I’m not as much of a super experienced writer myself. I’ve always enjoyed it, but I’ve never put my work on display like this before, so any help is appreciated!!

also, just tell me if the whole idea is dogshit, i won’t hold it against anyone😂

thanks for reading <3

[andypantsx3]

I’ve written to you before a very long time ago about things not going very well for me, and things are better now. Thank you for your compassion to a stranger then. It’s given me ideas as someone who also enjoys writing. I’m sure you’ve got variations of this question before so I’m sorry if I’ve missed those somehow but any advice on how to start writing and sharing your writing publicly? Like I created an account to send you this but I have no clue about anything really. Will I seem like a random interloper in the fandom who has arrived out of the blue 😭 I guess my concern is I’ll realize I’m actually not good at writing at all or worse nobody will read any of it. I feel awkward about actively promoting my work too. I don’t want to be famous or anything but it would suck if nobody wanted to read my stuff. You’re something of a stalwart at least for the fandom/genre/pairings you regularly write for and while I won’t aspire to that, how did you deal with self-doubt as an early writer? I know it’s not like I hope to earn money out of this or anything so opinions are just opinions but all my writing feels so personal to me that I’m worried about being convinced nobody cares about what I have to say. How does one really get their start at all. I’m sorry to bother you with all this but I’m super lost. It’s just that if someone’s terrible day or week could be made a little better because of my work, as your work regularly does for people, that would be nice. I hope you’re doing really well and randomly find something you’ve been looking for!

Hello my love!! I'm so happy I could help you out a little when you were in a tough spot!! I am very very happy that things are looking up for you now and I hope things only continue to get better and better!!! 💕

And oh my gosh, I don't think anyone will think of you as an interloper!!! Fandom is a community and the more the merrier imho! The x Reader community in particular is super welcoming and very nonjudgmental and the perfect place to get your start; almost everyone here is super nice and really chill. People will surprise you with how much nicer they are than you expect; I think you should just take a leap of faith and jump in!!

But just in case, let me give you the most realistic and straightforward advice I can. It's easy to dip your toes in and test the waters but I think you will need the below pieces of advice if you plan to battle self-doubt and continue writing & publishing fic without burning out or going nuts in the long term lol.

1. Find balance in the source of your self-worth

With publishing anything online, you always hope that people will like it and will want to engage with it. On tumblr the best measurement we have of that is notes, and on ao3 kudos + comments. Notes/comments/kudos are incredible and will make you feel more cherished than anything in the world. I will always appreciate them more than I can say, but one thing it is essential to know is that they are external sources of validation, and it is extremely dangerous to attach your sense of worth solely to the actions of other people.

If you want to publish fic, you will need to also find some internal sense of worth in your writing. You will need to finely balance that with how much you treasure the feedback of other people in order to stay afloat long term.

I recommend really sitting down and thinking about what you are writing/what you want to write, and why it is worth it to you. What makes your fic interesting to you? What are you doing differently than other people that makes you unique? What does your authorial voice sound like? Answering these questions will help you identify what you are bringing to the table as an author, so you know what it is that you do well, even if people aren't engaging the way you want, or even if you're receiving criticism.

For me, I really find value in the places I diverge from other fic authors. People really love writing powerful hero readers, but I usually write quirkless side characters who have somehow found themselves the main character. Chaptered/long fics are also less common in our fandom than oneshots, but I typically write chaptered fics! And I have a stylistically simple and light voice which is easily accessible.

All of these help me know that I'm bringing some fun distinct stuff to the table, even if what I'm bringing isn't perfect or necessarily as popular. And even if I enjoy other peoples' fics and authorial voices more than my own; I'm still bringing something unique and valuable!! So even when people aren't picking up every single thing I'm putting down, I still know the value of putting them down anyway.

2. Manage expectations

I think it can be easy to compare ourselves with one another, especially if you follow some well-established authors or people writing for super popular characters. Even I succumb to jealousy on occasion; it's just human nature. But it's important to know people will engage with different types of fics in different ways and that other people's success has nothing to do with your own.

I think you should set realistic expectations for how people will engage with your fics depending on what it is that you want to write. Some fandoms are much larger than others and therefore have a wider built-in audience. Some characters are also wildly more popular than others so it is likelier fics for those characters will go a bit further. In my experience, people really gravitate towards smutty scenarios or headcanons, sometimes oneshots, and less so chaptered fic. And some authors have been around for forever, or post constantly so that they are regularly drawing people in, and therefore have a larger reader pool than other authors.

So think about what you are writing, for which characters, and in which fandoms, and level your expectations accordingly. For me, even though Shouto is fairly popular, he also only has roughly 1/3 of Bakugou's level of popularity. So I never try to gauge the success of a Shouto fic in comparison to a Bakugou fic I've written, or even the Bakugou fics of other more established Bakugou writers.

This, combined with my own internal sense of worth as a writer, helps me feel like I'm doing pretty good for myself, even if I get like, 30 notes on a fic compared to someone else's 300 or something.

3. Understand that writing is a growing process!

One other essential tip is to understand that writing is a skill set than can be refined and honed. What you write one day is not indicative of where your skill level will sit the next day. And so critique you receive, or mistakes you have made, are really less indicative of failure and more tools to help you get to the next level.

This is one I've personally struggled with, but it can be worth it to be open to feedback that is not necessarily complimentary, with the caveat that you should know what is objective constructive criticism, and what is more subjective/personal preference. The latter you can disregard, because tailoring a fic to some random person's arbitrary tastes is not going to help you tell a good story lol.

But people telling you what they would like to see more of or things that didn't make sense to them can help you understand where you can make improvements to your writing. And it's not to say your writing is not good enough where it is; only to say there are avenues for you to develop even more experience.

For me, this has largely been in the area of smut lol. I liked my lil vanilla smut scenes, but I used to commonly get a fair amount of feedback wishing they were spicier. And, after initially getting defensive lmao, I could see how that was a common piece of feedback across multiple critiques, and I understood how drawing those scenes out might help contribute to the feeling of intimacy, satisfaction, and closure I want to develop at the end of a fic!!

I think being open to feedback while understanding that critique does not in any way take away from your talent overall, can only help you preserve the satisfaction you have with your writing, and help you refine in the future!! It keeps writing interesting, and keeps your sense of self-worth tied up in the process of writing, not necessarily the product of the writing, if that makes sense.

Anyway that's what I can think of for now. Even with all this advice listed out, I think you should just have hope and trust in people and dive right in. It sounds like you are an earnest person wanting to make heartfelt connections, and in my experience people will reflect that energy right back at you!!

I am sending you all my best vibes and looking forward to reading your stuff, if you end up going for it and posting!!! 💕✨

[breannasfluff]

Oof this got way longer than I meant it to. um, i just want to preface this real quick- i dunno if you enjoy criticism on your fanfic? i hope that doesn't come across as rude or anything, i just know for a lot of people fanfic just isn't really the time or place for critique and that's obviously totally valid. i feel like i'm making a mess of this lmao. but basically feel free to just ignore this if you'd like. i just have some thoughts about ur work that i kinda wanted to share.

So i have a question about the eldritch au that's... not really constructive criticism only because the series isn't finished? Idk if that makes any sense but basically I was wondering if we'll get to see anyone other than the chain being freaked out by Wild? I ask because i was thinking after meeting Malon in Eldritch Ranch that like... everyone Wild's been introduced to *other* than the Chain seems to just be fine with him? Like, it was Sun, then it was Ravio, and now Malon... it's sort of starts to feel like the chain is just the only ones who have a problem with him?

And I mean, it's not like any of these characters being okay with Wild doesn't make sense or anything- Sun, obviously, has her own eldritch shit going on; Ravio is from a dark world; all the people in Wild's hyrule presumably are used to him (I'm also theorizing that the calamity was like... lightly corrupting, just enough to make the folks in wild's hyrule more resistant to his aura); even with Malon, I actually really like the idea of her, as proto-Malanya, also having her own sort of eldritch vibes.

I guess what I'm trying to get across is that it just feels a bit odd that literally every time the chain has introduced Wild to someone else that someone else has been All Good With The Eldritch Aura, Actually. BUT, because the series is still unfinished, I don't know if that's a purposeful thing or not yet. It's entirely possible that we will meet some other folks who get freaked out by wild, or it will turn out that maybe the chain actually are just particularly sensitive to wild's brand of Fuckery. maybe they're extra aware of it for hero's spirit reasons? Triforce reasons? i dunno! anyways i want to take this time to re-emphasize how much i enjoy eldritch malon. because, you know, Hell Fucking Yes. Many well wishes to u <3

You are correct, fanfic is not the place for critique! If you commissioned something from me and paid for it, you can critique it. If I post specifically asking for feedback on something, you can provide it.

Otherwise, I write for free. Pointing out flaws is not encouraging to writing. It's demoralizing, and doesn't make me want to continue posting.

As you noted, the people Eldritch Wild has met have all been eldritch in their own way, or Sun, who's got her own special thing. You can always write a fanwork if there's a specific scenario you want to see.

Below goes for all my followers:

Things you can let me know: I forgot the link to ao3 at the end of the tumblr post. What you like about the story. You made fanart and want to share it. You'd like to give me a million dollars.

Things you do not need to share: Critique, constructive criticism, or things you disagree with. If you don't like it, please don't read it.

[avikats66]

In Defense of Ursa…

I don’t doubt that Ursa loved Azula when she was born, or that she still loved Azula throughout her childhood, though certainly that love became strained and damaged - even diminished - in ways it never did with Zuko. It was a tragedy that a wedge developed between them after Ozai took interest in Azula - in an entirely self-serving and not out of any genuine care or love way - because he wanted to use and exploit her as his daughter and a fire bending prodigy for his own power and pride. He groomed Azula - not sexually, but as the person he wanted her to be. A daughter and heir loyal to him, who would shared his values and traits, who would serve him and his wicked goals, who would be merciless and brutal like him.

Ursa was there as this process took place over a period of years, but we should consider the position she was in too. She certainly didn’t have equal power to her husband, who would have done his best to isolate her from Azula and prevent her from being turned away from his influence. And for a young child who’s got one parent praising and rewarding them for certain behaviour, then the other discouraging and disproving that same behaviour - even if not in abusive or unkind manner - that child is going to respond to and seek out the former with the greater positive feedback, without yet the knowledge or reasoning ability to evaluate the behaviour being taught to them on a critical or moral level.

Not only does Ursa not share equal power over the upbringing of her children (Azula even more so than Zuko given Ozai’s interest in her as above mentioned), she just a normal person in an awful situation no mother should ever have to be in. She is not a child behaviouralist or therapist, with knowledge or training about how to best go about helping a child in Azula’s situation; nor does she have access to anyone else who is. Indeed, she is surrounded by people who likely all either support or are unconcerned by/with the way Firelord Ozai is raising his daughter, or those who have even less power to possibly oppose him than she does, who could suffer grievous consequences or their very lives even for trying.

Ursa is trapped as the wife of the Firelord, unable to leave and take her children away from this PoS man and father. And she can’t stop him from doing his best to twist their daughter into a cruel and wicked person like himself; doesn’t know how to best help her even when and where she can, being blocked from or otherwise unable to try and intervene in the first place. And the older Azula grows, the more and more Ozai corrupts her, the less Ursa knows how to deal with it, the less hope she has of being able to heal it, and the more strained their relationship becomes. It’s a viscous circle: Azula learns a toxic behaviour/idea/belief from Ozai, Ursa tries to discourage her from it or teach her contrary, Azula is off-put and returns to Ozai where she will continue to receive clear and unambiguous positive affirmation and reinforcement, Ursa becomes more distraught and struggles to connect with Azula, Azula senses this and again goes to her father, etc. etc.

Could Ursa have done better, tried harder, done something differently in order to help Azula more? Yeah, probably, but I think she also very honestly did as best she could as can be reasonably expected of her given her circumstances as explained above. It’s very easy for us to judge her as viewers far-removed from this fictional situation - especially if we have never been in a similar sort of situation ourselves.

This is, of course, merely my personal headcanon based on limited canon information. There are many different interpretations and opinions on Ursa and her relationship with Azula; these are just some of mine.

[actuallyitsstar]

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

✍ Do you have a beta reader?

⛔ 🎶 ⏳💥 🎃❌

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

(this is so many and obviously feel free to answer however many you want!!)

✨ send me an emoji and ask me about my fanfic! ✨

😈 has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

honestly, i can't say that there has been! i mean don't get me wrong, i have certainly been writing EVEN MORE ANGST AGAIN and been like. hmm. the people in my phone are gonna hate me for this :) lol. but that angst is also for ME bc like. that's my jam lol. and i never post unfinished multichaptered fics, so i feel its not likely that i'd ever do this, since i don't get feedback on my writing until after it's already completed, lol.

✍ do you have a beta reader?

i don't! i never have, actually. it is an intriguing idea but i've never been a ~serious~ enough writer for it, i don't think, and i also cringe at the idea of anyone seeing anything i've ever written before i have re read and re-edited it about 50 thousand times lol

⛔do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

recently, no, but i have at least 10 unfinished fics for various old fandoms that are like. not *scrapped*, per se, but just uhhh unlikely to be completed any time soon lol, some being 10+ years old. i never say never but like AM i going finish that OC-au of the mentalist season 6 where somebody is trying to attack all the "psychics" in texas because they have a grudge against what some fake psychic told them like 10 years ago???? honestly, probably not, lol.

🎶do you listen to music while you write? what song have you been playing on loop lately?

yes, i do! can't write in just silence, usually, but it can't have words, either, because i can't hear Words and also Write Different Words, lol. recently i have been listening to 70s-80s Japanese city pop playlists (here is one of my favorites!) since i don't speak the language and it also is such a vibe. in the past i've also done the in love with a ghost vibes, lofi girl, and instrumental synth-wave, as well. i also really like the artist City Girl for that reason, and i think my favorite album of theirs is Neon Impasse. I listened to that on loop a lot writing ttnp!

⏳how long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

this is a very difficult to answer question because it depends on a lot of factors, lol. I have written 20k words in two days before. I have also gone weeks only writing a thousand. it depends on how much free time i have (recently, almost none, lol), how much down time there is at my job (i wrote a large portion of ttnp in down time at my job, and there is not going to be job down time for the foreseeable future unfortunately, which has really put a damper on things). as long as i am at least mildly inspired or motivated, and have ample enough time, i can get a lot done, usually, but it all depends on a lot of factors.

💥how do you feel about criticism?

i am made of tissue paper pls dont hurt me akdshdjfhf i am actually very much okay with and welcoming of it, actually, bc without it, i would never improve. definitely needs to be in good faith, because being made of tissue paper isn't entirely a lie lol, but if there's something i have done poorly or something that i have the opportunity to do better next time, i am always happy to take it into consideration!

🎃do you write fics for holidays? what is your favorite holiday inspired fic?

hmmmm well i actually never have but i love the concept and i am hoping to get to do it this year ;) ;)

❌what's a trope you will never write?

for an actual trope i'd probably have to think a lot longer and harder than i have in answering these questions so far, lol, but one thing i can say, though it's not a trope, is that i'll never write smut. your local sex repulsed asexual is just not about it, lol. which is not to say ive never read and enjoyed fics w/ smut in them!!! i just skip ahead until it's over, lol.

🧠pick a character and i'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them!

omg i don't know which of us is supposed to be doing the headcanoning but i'll go ahead and assume it's you ?????? and my pick is iceman. pls tell me ur fav headcanon !!! i am excited !!!

🤩do you have a favorite character to write?

recently, it had been maverick, to no one's surprise, lol. what can i say. somethin' about the inherent trauma just speaks to me <3

🤲 would you please share a small snippet of a WIP?

HMMM...... I SUPPOSE..... A SMALL ONE......... ;)

THANK U SO MUCH for the ask !!! i loved answering all of them and i am so sorry it has been taking me so long to do everything recently oh my god. i am, as bilbo would say (im paraphrasing), feeling like butter scraped across way the fuck too much bread these days akdhfdjfhf but i rly appreciate ur asks and ur support and time and continued habit of thinking of me !!! <3 <3

[thekrows-nest]

Pls pls pls. I just love any and all lil fan creations folks make. It's very sweet.

I've been wrestling with this one. The character and the plot spontaneously created themselves but I seem to have got blocked on the actual writing front... you might not actually get to meet this Dove, or read this story.

Probably for the best though. Because in what I had, while non-graphic and under a fluffy 'will they won't they' potential romance veneer, the hidden struggles were genuinely quite heavy and the pain of it all stressed me out. It would possibly be a hard read for others. There was parental loss, grief, death, homelessness, gender identity, undisclosed trauma that won't be elaborated on, and Dove's choice at the end. I just couldn't write it.

There would also have been potential for misunderstanding or backlash if people thought it was being presented as an uncritical love story.

This is the 'piss on the poor' reading comprehension site, a controversial genre, combined with complicated motivations and an ambiguous interpretation to the ending. I felt uneasy about the possible content and delivery of the... feedback. :/

Dove's diversity also may have critics, both over whether aspects of them are handled well enough or even their existence.

Also most trivially - I hiveminded on a few things with some other people here (having the same idea independently). I didn't want to cut those bits out, one is the entire premise, and yet I don't want anybody to feel uncomfortable like I took their idea.

However Dove is 5'2 or at least shorter than average, multiracial, and both I and they aren't really declaring their explicit gender and orientation yet. I do have definite ideas but it remains unconfirmed for now - perhaps they're still getting to know themselves and figuring it out. Perhaps they just don't feel comfortable or safe enough to be sharing intimate details about themselves until you get to know them very well!

They're working in the same coffee shop as Gabby and their name tag says Paloma. Krow comes in as a customer and sometimes Dove comps Krow's coffee with a wink, claiming to have made it wrong. (In this Krow is not explicitly a yan.)

They're slightly chubby, friendly but very private and kind of shy, with tight curly hair and warm tan skin. Freckles and/or slight vitiligo. They're new to the city and their Spanish is a little different to the locals.

On their days off and after work they busk with a ukulele (previously with a guitar) and do sidewalk art in chalk of colourful buildings. Sorry! I had that bit in there before seeing somebody else's story posted here, I promise I don't steal people's ideas. It's a small but significant plot point and it is not how Dove and Krow meet.

Dove spends a lot of time in the local park and has a real affinity with the friendly pigeons. Sometimes they take about-to-go-stale pastries or rolls with them at the end of their shift and a good time is had by all.

Krow wonders about them and knows they must be a local. But somehow Krow has never managed to follow them find out where they call home.

That's all totally understandable Krowspiracy. I wouldn't want anyone to write or do something that is uncomfortable or stresses them out. The point of this blog is for the funsies.

That and I do not want to see anyone give anyone else shit for their Dove's and the like. ):<

Moving along, this Dove does sound adorable though. Krow would enjoy their chalk art (and would teasingly call the pigeons traitors). Gabby would still be a solid friend and ofc defend them if a customer starts acting like a belligerent asshole.

[hcdidterms]

Hi there, different anon from before, i'm a programmed DID system before you start saying i'm policing survivors. I really can understand the want to belong and feel accepted when you have trauma that is so horrific and feels so isolating. I don't want this to come across as an attack on you or how you cope. I personally wouldn't use the flags, and that's my perogative - and at the end of the day if you or others want to use them, that's your choice too. I really just want to remind you of something, that I think is important.

Pride flags have obviously been used in various communities for a long time (you don't need a history lesson, i get that), and they have good connotations. while i can understand the want to maybe reclaim aspects of your trauma, I really want to speak - if not to the creator of this blog, but the people who might use the flags, and remind them that sharing information about your programming if you are a survivor is inherently dangerous online.

I 100% believe it should be talked about, and there are great online communities that exist for that (though they obviously need to be monitored like any other community, even more so than normal ones in fact). I just want to remind people that telling strangers on the internet who can contact you that you have been through something that makes you inherently vulnerable to outside influence and abuse can be so dangerous, and to please be aware of this if people are going to use the flags.

I also wanted to quickly bring up the idea of programs being something to celebrate. I'm understanding that that is not the point of this - i've read your post, and I understand your POV. I just want to suggest that potentially having a flag of something does create an identity of celebration around it - I know for example that certain programmed alters in my system would take this sort of flag and then use it to reason that their programming is something to be proud of, or not to be changed.

I think there is this blurred separation in the RAMCOA survivor community between celebrating the fact that you have survived and are a survivor - and celebrating the identities that may have emerged from surviving. I know I for one am 10000% proud and vocal about how much my alters have survived - but that does not mean that I am celebrating what they survived and the identity that they had to take on to survive. Creating flags seems like these programs are part of someone's concrete self and identity - and I hope you can see how this could be seen as anti-healing rhetoric and anti-change? In making a program part of an alter's identity, it could make them feel like they can't change, they can't deprogram, they can't move forward.

I completely agree that surviving is something to be proud of. But I am struggling to see where celebrating and broadcasting intimate trauma details (because it is intimate trauma details - knowing which programs someone has survived gives out a lot of information that can easily be used against people) helps survivors - which surely is the whole point.

Again, I want to reiterate that I am not attacking you (the creator), or the people that may have reblogged or identify with this flags. I just really want to, speaking survivor to survivors, reach out and remind everyone to please make sure to critically engage with HC-DID material and resources, and do what's best for you to heal and survive. Don't let your programs paint you in a corner (not pointed at anyone specifically). you're all so much more.

Sending genuine support from another survivor. I hope you can take this as the constructive feedback that it is meant as, instead of an attack - as that is far from the intention of this ask. Take care <3

We've already expressed that our flags arent meant to be used in public so not gonna reiterate

And obviously if your alters use our flags to prove that it's good or normal they were programmed you should just - yk - block us??? We're not forcing you to use these???? I truly don't fucking understand you people going "erm ita bad because [personal reasons]"

It's the goddamn internet, block buttons exist. We're not fucking forcing you.

Also AGAIN, it's not fucking broadcasting it's supposed to be used in private

You're telling people to do what's best for them but while writing this you didn't stop to think for a moment that *this* is the best we can do to heal at this moment.

We don't have access to professional help, even if we did there aren't any *DID* specialists in our whole country, let alone ramcoa specialists. THIS is the only think that's helping us

Being "out and proud" about being programmed is the only thing that's helped us.

Even though I've responded in a rude way we have taken in this constructive criticism, thank you

Take care

-Dani

[barmadumet]

Tag game to better know you

Thanks for the tag @thetorontokid ❤️ This feels very aol 1998 and I love it!!

What book are you currently reading?

Nothing 🫣 I started Brotherhood and never finished it if that counts as “currently reading.” I will finish it when time allows!

What's your favourite movie you saw in theatres this year?

I don’t think I’ve been to the moves since TROS 😂

What do you usually wear?

LOTS of t-shirts of all different sizes depending on mood. And they’re worn with jeans, cargos, or skirts. Love a good kimono to dress it all up.

How tall are you?

5'4"

What's your star sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

Scorpio ♏️ I have the same birthday as Ming-Na Wen! Which is fun, bc Star Wars, but also bc I was obsessed with Mulan when it came out and all through my teen years… so much so that I put a dragon on my class ring instead of the school mascot like a normal girl 😂

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

Nickname here (Barma) and a different nickname irl.

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

I was supposed to be an unwed psychologist with 4 cats. None of those happened 😂 (I have always had strange ambitions 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

See above lol - Married! 💍

What's something you're good at vs. something you're bad at?

I’m good at putting myself in other people’s shoes. I can find sympathy for ANYONE even if popular opinion says it isn’t deserved. I’m always looking for the reasoning behind a person’s actions and am quick to defend.

I am very bad at taking criticism, so much so that I’ll avoid putting myself out there at the risk of negative feedback. I am a perfectionist, and I’m bad a failing! I’d rather not even try than run the risk of failure. This online persona has helped with that tho 😊 Barma is less afraid 💪

Dogs or cats?

See above lmao - Cats! 🐈

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what's your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?

Idk if my writing counts since the chapters I’ve put out so far this year were originally written last year or the year before… so I’ll say my Valentines obikin photo session 😃

What's something you'd like to create content for?

I just want to keep doing the obikin thing, because it makes me happy. Fingers crossed for new story ideas after the current WIP wraps. 🤞

What's something you're currently obsessed with?

Well, it’s always going to be Star Wars, but specifically rn, I’m finding a renewed appreciation for Boga🦎 It’s a whole healing process thing.

What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

2023 is still young! I am excited about May 4th this week, finishing my fic in July, and my road trip to get a tattoo to commemorate it. REALLY hoping none of those will be disappointing.

What's a hidden talent of yours?

Financial planning/advising. No, it’s not what I do for a living, but I’ve often helped friends, family, and even businesses with creating budgets, debt consolidation, and all that good stuff. Maybe it’s what I should be doing for a living, but that whole fear of failing thing 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are you religious?

I can’t not be. I’ve experienced way too much 🕊️

What's something you wish to have at this moment?

WELLNESS! I’ve been sick for over a week now.

I want to tag everyone! So if you see this, and want to do it, please do! But here’s a handful of friends bc I like to follow protocol 😂

@kana7o @unspuncreature @justaminion @wibzen87 @tunglo NO PRESSURE!

[coincasual]

I think your Rainbow High doodles have been so cute - any headcanons you want to share?

😳😳😳💕✨ omg! yeah!

Sunny: she/her 16 scene style! did her own hair before coming to rainbow high and now she trusts Jade to take care of it for her! She’s autistic and has adhd! loves coding, anime, and making tiktoks! 💕Violet💕 she always stays up late and drinks a lot of energy drinks! she works really hard to try and prove herself and her skill (bc her mom is the head of the academy/university) even tho she is super skilled and talented! she has a big fixation on dress up games since she was young, she also loves mystery podcasts while she works! i’d like to think she made a big effort to learn japanese so she can listen to/watch anime without subs! she’s not fluent yet but she’s learning! she’s also really short so she wears big platforms all the time! she always tries to help others feel supported and included (before she met Violet she was bullied and felt ostracized, violet helped her feel like she could be herself and still be likable and loveable). also they have a lot of ear piercings! they also have spider bites and gauges! she loves sugary foods also!

Violet: she/her, 16, girly chic! does lots of “insta baddie” tuts for people on youtube. She carrie’s around digital copies of her release forms and keeps everything up to schedule bc if she doesn’t she gets really stressed out. she’s also totally one of those people that makes their notes look really tidy and always tries to set up her shots well! she keeps a grid on her camera so she can do thirds. she learned some css from Sunny to help her make her digital media really pop! she’s really particular about how her pictures look and likes to edit her own pictures and take her own pictures! her instagram is perfection! also 💕Sunny💕 and she gets really embarrassed by her bubbly supportiveness but she really loves it! sometimes she gets imposter syndrome and Sunny helps her feel more confident!

Jade: she/they, non-binary, 17 they are autistic and have bipolar disorder! they love to create moods and characters through makeup and hair. her hair is so long so they could practice even when they didn’t have anyone else around. they don’t particularly enjoy wearing a lot of makeup but she does wear it often! her every day look is like simple color correction and brow gel, their eyelashes are naturally pretty thick, but they do like when they’re extra long! Jade has some problems with aggression, they can get easily frustrated when faced with criticism and she’s had to work hard on trying to be more comfortable communicating and receiving feedback. she dresses pretty masc most of the time but they also love to dress up and go to the club! their favorite person is 💕Bella💕 and they are fiercely protective of her. they love collecting new makeup, brushes, and hair bundles/tools, etc. they get really excited over color pigments and unusual colors! they love to skateboard and longboard while listening to music. sometimes she and poppy longboard together! they have a double eyebrow piercing on the left side and dimple piercings!

Bella: she/her, 16, ocd, girly preppy chic/romantic academia style, love musical theater and sets! actual started building sets when she was supposed to act in her first musical when after a rehearsal when she saw them building and painting, it’s history from there! despite having such a doll aesthetic she is very strong and can absolutely build a set on her own. she’s really good at drawing and keeps a small sketchbook with her so she can doodle any cool or inspiring architecture she sees! she watched a lot of gossip girl growing up lol. she can get really fixated on an idea and will not stop until she’s achieved her vision. sometimes it causes problems for her and can really make her hyper-fixate or work obsessively on things. she knows she can do that so she tries to catch herself and make sure she takes breaks and uses coping mechanisms (timers, priority lists) so she can try to work a lot and also healthily! 💕Jade💕 is absolutely her favorite person ever and tries to hang out with them whenever she gets free time. they text all the time and have nightly facetime chats when they can.

Skylar: she/her, 17, she has problems with self esteem and depression. She dresses in like business casual girly core! she often feels like her skills are not up to par with others and compares herself to others a lot, even though she is MASSIVELY skilled and talented! some of her best designs are from when she is just doodling in the margins of her notes or sitting in her room listening to Poppy’s playlists. she loves denim! she says that she jokingly makes a lot of stuff out of denim/upcycled jeans but she actually loves them! she love how impassioned 💕Ruby💕 is and it helps her feel more confident in herself! Ruby helped her a lot after her breakup and a few months after Skylar confessed to Ruby and they started dating! She loves to collaborate on designs and like to let her models be a part of the design process so their true colors can really shine!

Ruby: she/her, 17, adhd, She can get really excited about things and can seem really impatient and may even come off a little rude but she just gets so excited sometimes she can’t contain it! she’s working on being able to wait on others, she doesn’t necessarily like to rush, she just gets really impassioned! she loves brands like Supreme and Hypebeast, toooootally loves brands and always has the newest kicks. SNEAKER OBSESSED! fr fr. she is always online bidding on vintage and limited edition sneakers (she also loves bootlegs!) she loves to paint with chiseled markers and does graffiti in her spare time (she has a secret tiktok account that she’s posts her graffiti on but she wears a mask for safety). When she first met 💕Skylar💕 she liked her but knew she was in a relationship so she tried to peruse someone else (we all saw how that went yikes 🥲) and her and Ruby grew closer and developed a supportive friendship that turned to Skylar and her dating! sometimes she’s goes to the skatepark with jade! she likes to distress and rock out with her bff! she has a nose piercing on her right nostril!

Poppy: she/they, 16, autistic and has synesthesia, she has a boho natural type style and loves butterfly themes, They’re definitely a beach bum when they’re home on the island! she loves to dance in the sun to their hand crafted tunes! she uses a lot of found and natural sounds that she manipulates in her music. she also became a DJ at a younger age and was able to spin for lots of beach parties, even for her parents! she and sunny created a light program to interpret sounds as what she sees when she hears them, that way her music is a fully interactive experience! she was a piano prodigy very early on as well, music just makes sense to her! while she does make a lot of happy/peppery music, her more ethereal and ambient music really makes waves. with natural sounds and her vivid synesthesia she can really create soundscapes that take you to another world. she gets really homesick often and misses her parents a lot. her parents were a great support group for her, and now she has her bffs! she wears her headphones all the time, and certain sounds/noises can really overwhelm and overstimulate her so she has noise canceling as well. she’s too wrapped up in her music to be concerned with romantic relationships, likely ace.

Amaya: she/her, 17, casual goth style! loves straps and silver! autistic/adhd/ocd. can have laser focus on what strikes her interest, and has a hard time working on things that are boring to her. that’s why whenever she feels a creative spark she goes headfirst into working on it! she normally does not stop until she finishes, she often will skip meals and sleep to get an idea into motion. she craves to be accepted as part of a group and is never afraid to speak up for herself and others (she had been bullied in the past and taken advantage of for her work ethic and ideas, after which she confronted the people in a peaceful way and they were able to settle their differences and be amicable). she loves expressing herself creatively, drawing, fabrics, hair color and makeup! she and Jade have worked together color mixing hair dye and pigment to make new colors for some of their looks! it took a long time for her to gain Jade and Rubys trust and confidence, but now they support her no matter what! she can be really awkward when she has a romantic interest lol! her confidence goes to clumsiness and she gets very frustrated! she has a septum piercing!

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕✨✨✨✨🌟

also i think of the school like an academy that you can get into from just about any age as long as you have the skill/talent! the auditions and screenings for the school are really intense because the fashion industry is really intense. all students at the academy are put through psychological exams and all have mandatory therapy sessions to help with the stress! they are places in special teams based on their initial testing that they will hopefully work best in! they also honor all requests! i think of the school as more of a preprofessional academy that professionally trains it’s students to best cope with stress and creative blocks while allowing the, to network and meet people actually in the industry!

lmk if you want to know more!

[frootyrooties]

Based on my recent statements regarding Paul McCartney and in light of the recent release of the new Beatles record, I would just like to clarify that I do not in any shape or form dislike Paul. I love him as I love the rest of them. I love him as one would love a brother. He has impacted my life as much as George, John and Ringo have. However, given the amount of time I have loved, adored and devoted myself to the Beatles (15 years this year), naturally I have also come to learn about their individual personalities. Paul has always come off as a perfectionist, and he, like many other artists I adore (Eric Stewart included) share this attribute. The difference between Eric and Paul (and i can’t help but make this comparison as they have worked extensively together over the years) is that Eric, though he is a perfectionist, he is open minded about constructive criticism. He takes what his fellow musicians tell him is wrong and applies it to his work. This is the reason why I think he and the rest of 10cc gained so much success, especially in the mid-70s when they were at their peak. 10cc never considered themselves “better” than anyone else. They wrote and recorded music simply because they loved doing it and they loved making their fans happy. The only big mistake that 10cc made that comes to mind is that they decided to work with the wrong record company who ended up using them as a money making machine. Had they signed with the record company that they had originally planned to sign with, they could’ve been far more successful. It has been said that they could’ve been just as successful as Pink Floyd and yes, even The Beatles. But I love that they have always been an obscure band. Who knows what kind of trouble they could’ve gotten themselves in had they been as big as the mighty Beatles?

Paul McCartney on the other hand (I love you Paul but I have some caveats about you that I want to share), although he is a brilliant songwriter (he’s ONE of the greatest but not the greatest imo) he fails to see through to people. My only wish is that Paul has changed and is more receptive to feedback from fellow musicians. After all, no great songwriter has ever succeeded without the help of their equals. Certainly, one could argue that Paul had John to bounce ideas off of, but when you think about the entire Beatles catalogue and take into consideration every Lennon-McCartney composition, all those songs were solely written by either Paul or John, not both (i.e John with “I Am The Walrus” and Paul with “Yesterday).

So I really hope that Paul has changed and has gained some form of humility over time.

Thank you for tuning in to my soapbox. Might happen again.

[fountainpenguin]

Fanfic meme: 8, 16, 20

[Current Ask game]

8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

I made a significant amount of progress on both The Beatin' Path and Lions Under Palm Trees before I faded from writing Total Drama, and some of my favorite scenes I've ever written are in those 'fics, but were never posted. I delayed mainly because writing those meant skipping past my unfinished 'fic The Lyin' Queen, which came chronologically earlier but which I was struggling with.

I like Staci as a character. I think she's goofy and confident. She was fun to write, but I was going to do this big twist reveal where you find out at the end that she has short term memory loss, and the entire story was written so that you just thought she was a little spacy until then. I wrote the prequel to Lyin' Queen (Life of a Loser) in two months or less, so I was young and ambitious and wasn't prepared for how much work Lyin' Queen was... and it only grew more difficult as I continued through school.

I'd like to get back to these stories though because sincerely they have some of my all-time favorite scenes and I still think about them a lot. Leonard is like, my all-time favorite Total Drama character and he was eliminated second in Pakithew and first in Ridonculous Race, which means it's Leonard time ALL the time and he's the best.

Will there be an audience for these stories almost 10 years after I stopped writing them? Idk, maybe not... but when I think about how Leonard is fantastic, and how many scenes I never shared with the world, I am filled with love... (for Leonard).

Throwback to 2015-2016 when I was still posting mainly on dA and I used to type with the manual italics:

Also to this day, Topher is still hands-down one of the best examples of a manipulative slimeball character I have ever seen in my life and I love him too <3

16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention?

I don't think I'd put it all on not receiving attention, but I did put No Anesthetic aside partly because it wasn't getting as much positive feedback as I hoped and partly because of criticism I received (not in the visible reviews portal, but elsewhere) that kind of hurt.

Honestly Youngblood is the only part of Danny Phantom that truly captivates me (though I do have a fondness for a few of the other ghosts), and I just didn't have the drive to carry that story through a wave of criticism when I had the alt option of writing for Fairly OddParents in a fandom that was much more welcoming to my ideas.

I don't want to make it sound like that's the only reason I stopped on this 'fic. There are a lot of scenes in No Anesthetic that are kind of info-dumpy and drag on, since Youngblood is learning about the Ghost Zone for the first time. I was juggling school, life, and other 'fics and the info-dumpy nature of this story made it more of a chore to write. It just didn't feel worth it because it was more work than my other stories, I didn't feel like anyone was enjoying it, and it was one extra thing I had on my plate, so I stopped.

Now that it's been 6 years, I'd like to rewatch Danny Phantom and maybe go back to this story someday to see if it sparks something in me. I like my worldbuilding ideas for the Ghost Zone, and like the TD 'fics above, I had a lot written. Here's one of my favorite WIP scenes:

But also, my draft has a lot of missing scenes, and the story hangs in fragments because it doesn't really "go anywhere" and the plot is just a found family story without a lot of direction, so it would take a lot of revisions to make it less info-dumpy and flesh it into something with proper story beats. I might go back to it someday, but probably not any time soon. Or if I do go back to it, I might cut a lot of the plans I initially had and turn it into a shorter piece with just a few chapters instead. We'll see.

20. Have/Would you ever rewrite a fic? If yes, would you take the original down?

When I'm finished with Origin of the Pixies and Frayed Knots, I'd like to go back and clean them up a little. There are little lines here and there that bother me, and I used to spell out large numbers instead of typing them as numerals, there are info-dumpy moments, stuff like that. I force myself to keep moving forward because I'm worried that if I get nitpicky, I'll never finish, so just remember that you're reading stuff I started in 2016 and it is technically in a draft state /shrug.

I've not rewritten a 'fic before, but I do have some pieces from 10 years ago that I'd like to write with more sensitivity knowing what I know now. As one example, there's a 'fic I wrote that I never moved from dA to FFN because the relationship between those characters moved from platonic to romantic after one forced the other into a kiss. I didn't understand consent back then and media had shown me that people often liked surprise kisses and enjoyed platonic relationships that suddenly became romantic.

I played with those characters for a while before I discovered the concept of asexuality and realized that I headcanoned this character as ace. I no longer wanted that forced kiss to be associated with my storyline, so it still exists on dA because I don't like deleting 'fics, but I didn't move it to FFN with the others.

There's also another 'fic I wrote where it's pretty obvious that I didn't understand how the legal system works, so I didn't move that one over either because I don't think it's very good. I also have other 'fics on a site that's not AO3, FFN, or dA, but I posted under a different name back then and while they were fun, they were populated with OCs and I don't want to unbury them.

I have no interest in rewriting those old 'fics, but the general idea of "There are sensitive topics I didn't treat in the most sensitive way 10+ years ago" and "I really didn't understand how the adult world works" remains. I'm glad I've been writing for so long, but I do hope I never end up in a situation where someone wants to hold up my old stories as an example of what I believe now, because I was young and have a lot of old stuff I don't want to delete because this is my writer's journey and I don't want to throw it away /shrug.

This is the last Ask for this Ask game that I have in my inbox, so I'll wrap up the questions here unless anyone wants to send in more tonight. Thanks for the interest!

[Current Ask game]

[beanzwrites]

Genshin College Au: Part 2

Author's Note: This is my depiction on what I think Genshin characters would be like in present day college.

⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄⑄

❄️Eula:

For a senior, Eula tends to mind her own unless someone ticks her off. She’s not mean per say, but her attitude about things tends to keep other students away. For instance, the one time a freshman took the last muffin from the cafeteria, Eula made it her mission to track them down and declare vengeance on them. It was a good thing Amber was there to calm the  situation; the tears that began to stream down the freshman’s face would not have been a good look on the director of the dance club.

Despite her odd reputation with the student body, she has many friends within the counsel. Whenever a report is made on her for misconduct, it is usually Yae Miko that handles it. Despite only talking a few times, the mischievous Miko took it upon herself to look after the odd-ball Eula. You can find her most mornings having coffee with Jean and Rosaria. With her physical background, you can be sure she has met her fair share of athletes. Whenever her status forces her to the gym, she finds herself sticking to the lead tennis player, Kaeya. 

If you ever get the chance to become close to Eula, you can be sure that she will look after you, even without you knowing. She may have a tough exterior, but she does truly care for the people who give her a chance.

🍺 Beidou:

Beidou is the captain of the basketball team. Her life is on the court, and she practices non-stop to perfect her craft. Her teammate, Gorou, has taken it upon himself to help her as much as he can. Despite her being okay with being by herself, she gave up on trying to tell the freshman that he didn’t have to worry about it. Beidou has great skills when it comes to what she does, however; when a particular team pushes her buttons a little too much for being a girl, she will make sure they leave the court with red faces by the end of it.

 In the off seasons, she helps Yun Jin with props on upcoming performances and visits Kazuha in the Poet’s Society when she can. Many a time, you can spot her in the home ec room with Thoma as he teaches her a new recipe he came up with. Ironically, she has a thing for Nigguang in the student council. As carefree as she is, she settles down when Nigguang wants to share a new business idea with her. Though both of them are guarded in their own right, they both seem to soften in each other's presence. 

In all, Beidou is a great pal to have when you need motivation. She will push you hard and praise you when you finally accomplish your goals.

💃 Yun Jin:

Yun Jin has a lot going for herself, and she’s only a sophomore! Majoring in theatrical arts, She uses her time to fill her passion. She is the assistant director for the drama club, and is usually the one promoting performances and gaining traction for the club. She is also one of the lead singers in the school’s choir. Despite her rising popularity, she’s very modest with herself and tends to remark very often, “Looking back on my youth, I was terribly arrogant and captious… my goodness. I shall never let myself become vain again.”

Yun Jin is great friends with the dance class, and likes to partake in some of the classes from time to time. With her kind-natured spirit, she became very close with the dancers Shenhe and Eula. From time to time, they’ll allow her to bring her troupe in to observe and get inspired. Yun Jin loves constructive criticism, and will ask on many occasions how to perfect her craft. She will usually go to her senior, Zhongli, to ask questions and receive feedback. Though she hardly needs any at all, Zhongli is more than happy to put his take on it. In the small free time that she has, she likes to spend time with Xinyan, whether it be talking about modern rock or jamming out to their favorite songs. Yun Jin is open to anyone and likes hearing about other people’s passions.

Yun Jin is a very good friend to have. She will never compare herself to you and will support you on whatever you decide to do. She’s also very honest, and will help out however she can.

[egg-emperor]

My dude, its not that your content is boring, or you are a bad writer, or that people hate you. Quite the contrary, you are incredibly creative and passionate and that is always a delight to see. The thing is you are on a dying website on a fandom that tends to be the butt of jokes (so most people dont want to be associated with it) and you write about one of the last popular characters there. Its a niche community, thats why your posts dont reach a big audience. (1/2)

I can't help but feel that way lately ever since my instrusive thoughts came back bad the worst they've ever been and it feels like everyone is proving all the horrible things my mind is telling me about myself and my work to be true. It just seems like people don't really care about what I have to offer anymore, like I can't entertain anymore so now I'm worthless. The idea that my creations that make me happy makes others happy too is one of the only things that kept me going and motivated to share more but it feels like it's dwindling. I appreciate you and everyone else that has been supporting me and I'm glad you still enjoy my content. I don't want to seem ungrateful but my mind is being nasty to me and seeing how a lot of people seem to be losing interest across all three of my blogs more than ever is getting me down even more.

It's a shame that the site is dying when Twitter is garbage that kills the passion and creativity of many. Yeah that might be a part of it but I definitely have a more active follower base than it seems most of the time. I notice this when a bunch of people following me only like/rb/interact with stuff I reblog and clearly scroll past my self made posts in between. And yeah Eggman isn't that popular, especially not modern/game canon. But I'm even starting to feel like an outcast to the Eggman fandom space here (despite being here before most since 2015 when there were barely any Eggman posting blogs. I was the one accused of gatekeeping for not liking jimbotnik but I'm the one feeling pushed out and alienated now lol) because I don't like the movie and I'm not big on the popular romantic ships, headcanons, and fanon interpretations now. It just feels like everything I do is wrong and what I have to offer is never good enough, or the interest doesn't last because I don't do all the new things that are considered cool now.

Undoubtedly part of it is also that I write more. But fuck man, art is hard and even harder when you have to digitalize it on a phone. It's become more stressful than fun so I can't do it a lot. I just wish that fandoms didn't always make creators feel like writing doesn't matter and isn't as good as art. I've seen people entirely disregard writing and automatically assume it to be trash just because it isn't art. And a lot of people don't tend to support writing like they do with art, even if they do like it. But I wish people understood that creators need at least some support if they want them to keep creating, otherwise they won't think it's worth it or anyone cares. We're not mindless content machines to pump out content and entertain until people get bored of us. Both art and writing takes time, passion, and effort and a bit of support goes a long way but sometimes you get nothing but silence and it can be more crushing than hate at times, left to wonder if your creations were even worth your time to create or anyone else's to consume.

But aside from that, what also gets me down is that I do actually see people supporting other's writing and encourage more from them but I don't get any of that type of support, feedback, or criticism from those very same people when it comes to mine, despite them being so similar. I tend to get brushed off or ignored or nowhere near as much hype. And I know it sounds like jealousy but it honestly just makes wonder what, is it just my stuff specifically that's just not good enough for them? And it just never seems good enough, no matter how hard I try. I realize there are times it is in fact personal and I have no idea why because they don't tell me and I feel terrible when it ends up confirming my fears, then I worry if it's always the case. That's the stuff that hurts the most, more than people just outright telling me if they don't like or aren't interested in my stuff anymore, which would hurt less.

I know not everyone thinks I should die really but it's easy to think that way in times where I get insults and suicide bait from people shitting on me and what I do more than I get positive or supportive comments. So that's why it feels like people just want me to die, I'm told so in my inbox. I'm not saying I demand endless high praise but just someone simply saying they enjoyed something I posted instead of just silence has a way bigger positive impact than they think but some don't anymore. And if there's a reason why or it isn't personal, I wish they'd tell me so it puts my mind to rest, instead of pretending I don't see blatant disinterest or the ignoring that drives me mad and kills motivation. The hateful people are more vocal and then it feels like nobody else cares and it drags me down.

I swear some people, both general followers and some people I'm closer to are just losing interest and getting sick of me personally and it's hard seeing it happen and seemingly being unable to do anything, making it feel like my time of being capable of doing anything good and likable in their eyes has passed. And it's just hard accepting that and letting it go, especially when you never get the real answers and you're left wondering what went wrong and why you're not good enough anymore. I've had moments of realization where my heart sinks when I present something I'm proud of and I get unenthusiastic responses or silence. And feeling either people drift away or being insulted more often than anything positive gives my sick brain a lot to work with in further attacking me with nasty intrusive thoughts too. But like I said, that last part is on me and I feel I'm just genuinely too mentally ill to handle being on the internet.

I appreciate all of you that do support me and my passion and creations, it might just look silly on the surface with my rambling and gushing but what I create is important to me and it means the world to me that it's enjoyed by anyone else. It gets tough with my mind and negativity I receive but I try not to lose sight of the positive things or forget people enjoy my work, which makes it worth turning my passion and ideas into something I can share. I'm trying to get better at not letting negative and hateful stuff matter and only value the good but sometimes when I'm already dealing with enough privately and come online and see this happening too, it's the little extra push I need to reach the breaking point. But at the same time, when I'm in some of my darkest places with things I don't talk about, coming online and seeing kind words and knowing my stuff is enjoyed means everything and manages to put a smile on my face, no matter how awful I feel. And that's what keeps me creating and sharing for as long as I'm here. Thank you. 💜

[short-circuit-the-great]

You Didn't Ask And I Answered: A Long Ass Post, Part 1

Questions are from this post. It is an ask game. I answered every single one unprompted. If anyone actually reads this post I will be impressed.

do you know how you want the story to end when you start, or are you just stumbling through the figurative wilderness hoping to find a road? It depends on the story. For all of my fics, I know the ending. For a lot of my books, I know the ending. For one particular project I am thinking of right now, I'm making that shit up as I go.

talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.” SPIDERSILK SAMURAI. FUCKING SPIDERSILK SAMURAI. Pulled out so much hair over that fic. I'm proud of it but none of the characters stuck to the outline I had.

on a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy incorporating romance into the average story? 10, but it's a very specific kind of romance. They need lots of time, they have to have lots of banter going on, and some other stuff I can't put a name to. Read my shit, there's a very specific way I write romance.

what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread? I don't know what a "plot bunny" is.

have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son Crossfire's playlist

do you have any kind of consistent writing schedule or just hoping for the best? I write every day.

tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote Immortal being reflects on life and death.

what’s your relationship with constructive criticism and feedback like? do you seek it out? how well do you take it? Don't like it.

in an ideal world where you’re already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not? TV show. Animated.

at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you? Early. Fairly easy.

what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general? I look things up as needed.

do you ever have trouble focusing on writing? how do you get around that?  No.

talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you. No idea what this question means.

what’s your worst writing habit?  Can't proofread.

where do you share your writing? AO3.

where is your favorite place to write? Library.

what is your favorite line you’ve ever written? "It won’t be the same, but I’ll keep you close forever, and we can run along the river in our memories, hearts and souls entwined."

what is your most and least favorite part of writing? Like writing fights. Hate proofreading.

what are some books or authors that influenced your style the most? Masashi Kishimoto, Akira Toriyama, Hideaki Sorachi, Hirohiko Araki, Chris Bradford, Chris d'Lacey, Jeff Kinney, others I am forgetting.

what is your favorite trope to write? Found family.

pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about. @mecha-milkers and I would write about unspeakable cosmic horrors.

describe your writing process from scratch to finish. Hallucinate, fight god, black out, stare at the finished product, hit post.

how do you deal with writers block? Change the last sentence and move on.

on average, how much writing do you get done in a day? Several pages if not many. Not counting.

what’s your revision or rewriting process like? You guys revise? The first draft is the only draft. I have been reworking some of my older stuff (books) but don't have a process for it.

do you like to write one-shots or series, and why? Series, more time to develop stuff.

do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? 28. And who do you share them with? I share them with friends.

handwritten notes or typed notes? Keep notes in brain.

give us a spoiler for one of your stories. Bad guy helps good guy.

most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you. "Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are--it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can GET hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done."

tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write Kusunoki Masashi from Our Samurai Souls--he's been through it all but still keeps his head up.

do characters influence your writing style? Yeah they running the whole thing.

do you start with the characters or the plot when writing? They come together, they tell me what to write. Half the time they're the ones writing it.

how do you name characters and places? They tell me their names, they tell me their world.

tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot Yuki from Our Samurai Souls. Despite what he's been through it's very peaceful in his head.

do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one. I have a character in one of my old books (not a fanfic) that is based on someone I've heard a lot about but never met. I drew a lot of inspiration from the descriptions and stories I've heard to create this guy.

when creating characters, what comes first: appearance, backstory, motivation, personality, something else? They come in as whole people, I don't know how to explain it. Aside from a few cases (see above) I've never sat down and thought about making a character. They come to me.

how many stories do you work on at one time? Five to ten.

are you an avid reader? I try, it is hard for me.

best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten. See earlier about "I don't like feedback."