#also if they do end up being trans that’s cool and all but please let weird little girls be weird little girls without implying it detracts

[badchoicesworld]

hello there! i just found your blog and i love your writing for hobie, so i’d like to request another thing for him.

would you mind doing something about a transmasc vigilante reader who tags along with hobie on patrols and late night hangouts? hobie and the reader could diy their own costumes together :) maybe reader is black cat, another spiderperson, or whatever you want to come up with. thanks in advance, and i’ll probably request again soon!

hobie brown with a transgender, vigilante reader (ftm)

RAAHH thank you so much :]

i chose for the reader to be another spidersona, probably anarchist and super cool, hope this is okay! let me know if not

warnings: unsafe binding (there’s a warning ahead)

pairing: hobie brown x transmasc!reader

requests: open ! PLEASE

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

for you and hobie to get along so well and hang out outside of missions n such, i imagine you’re a spider-man who rejected miguel’s “invitation” to spider society. this is what might have led to you becoming a vigilante who’s occasionally recruited by spider society after some begging- or you’ve just been a vigilante from day one in your dimension.

but ! who’s likely to notice such a person? hobie, obviously. you two become menaces and no one looks forward to being in a room with you. hobie destroys their faith in the constitution while you’re reinforcing everything

during missions, you make a hell of a team ! there’s somehow this real nonchalant feeling to the atmosphere even if you’re punching down baddies

banter, plenty of it back and forth while swinging about and fighting for ur life

probably makes fun of your form or something playfully, makes a comment or two about a punch you’ve thrown “you call tha’ a punch?” “Naaah, nahnahnahnahnah. watch this,” probably does worse let’s be honest, throws the dirties punch known to man but it does the trick

you’re more stealth while hobie’s way more out there, style n all that

hobie dropping in on some operation to take down the big baddies while shredding away at his electric guitar, meanwhile he’s able to see you picking off people from vantage points

whenever you’ve gotta wait about for some patrols or just observe for a night, you two will find some sorta rooftop to perch on top of and patrol from there. but the view kills

you two probably have a sort of routine: completing missions together for the spider society, hobie then tags along for some vigilante work, then you both kick back at his place once the days come to an end

chill night consists of hobie subconsciously strumming at a note occasionally on his guitar while you talk about whatever together

a lot of complaining about the institution, probably how much miguel fucking sucks

depending on ur current situation with transitioning, given that hobie knows, mans is probably the most supportive person you’ll meet

hobie lives in a society that he actively chooses to protect despite being apart of the margin of people that are still severely oppressed to terrible degrees, be it for his race or how he chooses to express himself (in my head, hobie’s also a boy kisser). so i think that he has a certain passion for protecting those minority groups. you, as a trans man, sometimes get the hobie brown special treatment.

let’s you crash at his place whenever you need it, let’s you borrow his clothes n shit if they help you feel more masculine, will give you tips n tricks that either he uses or has heard work great for presenting masculine

does your makeup if you want it, like making your face look more chisel, fake facial hair or brows more blocky- that kinda shit.

if you’re yet to go through the execution process (top surgery), hobie’s ur guy (a terrible terrible influence)

if you have a binder, good for you- hobie is going to find it and customise it for you because he’s hilarious

probably does some like web stitching into it, lil embroidered parts that match his pins or something like “hobie was here” in his clapped handwriting

this isn’t anything new, you two have this little game going on where you just steal and tag each others things for shits and giggles. his best work? punk-ifying your binders with those like spikes he has on his jackets shoulder pads

firm believer in trans men being shirtless in a binder is normalising something that should’ve been from the beginning- probably also marched a free the titties campaign for all body types and identities cause they aren’t inherently sexual and shouldn’t be (if cis men can, why can’t cis women, y’know?)

if he accidentally damages your shit he’ll either fix or replace it, maybe even make something to compensate

or it becomes part of the fit

these lil things have helped personalise your things greatly- there’s nice little details all over that make you both crack smiles

makes sure that throughout missions you’re good if you’re binding, which he honestly just doesn’t dictate. won’t be the type to tell you off for wearing it too long or during missions, it’s not your fault that you’re just doing what makes you feel more like yourself

instead just makes sure that you’re well rested after the missions over and does things for you so you don’t strain

(DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. I WILL FIND YOU.)

if by some unfortunate twist of fate you don’t have a binder, hobie will probably diy you one. argues that they can be mass produced by corporations, why can’t he make one by hand? just one more win for the anarchists

diy binders are dangerous, especially if they’re not made right. i’d like to think hobie would try his best, but i imagine he doesn’t have access to the right materials

in this case, he probably rips apart his shit trying to find the right elastic cloths for your safety

that, or he makes a makeshift binders just a bit looser than it should be to reduce the risk of hurting you.

absolute worst case scenario ? could honestly fashion something out of webs (i have a spidersona that does this) mans a genius, he’ll figure something out

positive ? binder looks sick since he makes it

(ok ur safe, continue)

if you’ve got top surgery, good for u, hobie will have ur head if you don’t take the appropriate recovery time

if you are involved with spider society, he either takes your missions for you or absolutely terrorises miguel into not giving you any

you think it’s just a subconscious, casual thing that hobie does but he always manages to slip a “lad” “boy” “man” into his sentences whenever speaking to or about you. gender affirmations innit

that being said, hobie views you as a man wholeheartedly

hobie’s into physical touch so probably got an arm slung around your shoulder, tons of playfully nudges whenever he sees fit (often)

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

i also wanna stress rq that the way i portray hobie; he’s so incredibly supportive, hype man, but he’s not this sunshine and rainbows thing i’ve seen some people portray him as

he’s laid back, nonchalant but can get excited (like w the whole “miles my guy” scene where he’s so hype)

thinks/knows he’s hot shit but it doesn’t make him arrogant. man just knows what he’s capable of and gets to be laid back thanks to it

[jane-john-doe-tournament]

Jane Doe (Ride the Cyclone) Propaganda:

Great singing, also she’s literally wearing a doll‘s head bc she lost hers

do they have their soul or is it rotting somewhere with their head?

BALLAD OF JANE DOE IS SO SAD AND SHE IS GREAT AND I ONLY WATCH RTC ONCE BUT SHES NY FAVE OK

cool asf

She forgets her name after her death and has no story told in the production

She's so sweet and deserves the world. Her song (The Ballad of Jane Doe) is great.

the song goes so hard just listen to her song guys please

she literally died and her head was cut off so nobody could tell who she was PLEASE let her take one (1) W

BECAUSE SHE IS AMAZING. First she already won the tournament in the musical to regain life, as she won them over with her sad wet cat energy because she did not have a head and feared that she lost her soul. Second, she died on a roller coaster and lost her head, but stole her doll's head and thats very gender. Third, throughout the musical she is used as a vessel for religious allegory, she is an angel, she is jesus, she is a demon, she is forsaken but she is purity itself. Fourthly, she is is given the identity of Savannah with the greenest eyes after the other characters who died with her hold her a birthday party, and I think thats sweet because its probably some kind of meaning I cant see but auughfhfhh shes so cool

i mean her name isn't TECHNICALLY jane doe but we refer to her as such. she's so silly!! autism powers! i don't have a lot of propaganda tbh. i would've just been surprised had she NOT been submitted

She lost her head literally when the rollercoaster derailed. She wasn't able to be identified apart from the school uniform she was wearing.

Her name is forgotten, and so is everything about her. So she’s called Jane Doe. She’s very sweet and very creepy, but she doesn’t mean it

and im asking WHYYYYY LORRRRRDDD

I LOVE HER! she died in a roller coaster accident and was decapitated, her body not being found. in the show, her head is actually just her doll’s head. the coroners couldn’t identify her, so she was dubbed a jane doe. in the game to be alive again, she ends up being voted, her name being revealed to be penny lamb. anyways she’s a little creepy and also quite silly and she does her funny little waddle like a porcelain doll (or corpse).

She deserves it! She lost her head she shouldn't lose this too.

Not convinced you didn’t start this tournament just for her tbh

They have a great song and a true air of mystery to them. They also have arguably the best song in the musical, The Ballad of Jane Doe! I would definitely recommend listening to it >:)

—She LOST her HEAD and had it replaced with a PORCELAIN DOLL —In all seriousness her story is really poignant. No one could identify her body so she arrives in the afterlife not knowing her identity and she spends the show vacillating between depressed and angry at her situation, leading to… —“The Ballad of Jane Doe”, specifically Emily Rohm’s version, might be the most haunting solo in musical theatre history.

The Anatomy Students (The Magnus Archives) Propaganda:

So technically there a 7 of them each with a different localization but one of them is legitimately John Doe

Also they are responsible for bone apple teeth

They are very fun

This submission is for the class of students in Episode 34: Anatomy Class, who are named Erika Mustermann, Jan Novak, Piotr and Pavel Petrov, John Doe, Fulan al-Fulani and Juan Pérez, which are all "John/Jane Doe" names. They are so creepy and so cool.

[about John/Jane Doe in particular]

Very good normal anatomy student doing his best to learn

This is a horror that went to anatomy class with a group of different variations of john doe esque names to learn about human body functions and scare a teacher for a full semester. was called john doe in the statement but later shows up as jane doe. trans rights?

[mouschiwrites]

I have never in my life done any kind of suggestion thingy like this so uh, yea

Lloyd x Trans male reader headcanons? bonus points if the reader is also a ninja

I am not a trans male so I'm super sorry if this is inaccurate!! This is just based on what I know from others' experiences ^^" but as always please correct me if I've gotten anything wrong!

Ninjago - Lloyd With a Transmasc s/o

He instantly becomes your #1 supporter when you come out to him

Probably buys like. at least 10 trans flag pins to put on various items he owns

(he asks you if it's okay first ofc, and he never tells anyone that you're trans unless you've given him permission)

When people ask if he's trans, he's just like "no :3" *doesn't elaborate*

Because he doesn't go spilling your business to strangers 😤 (unless you're cool with it)

When you're struggling with feeling masculine, he comes up with little plans of "guy-ish" stuff to do

Unfortunately he's not the manliest man himself, so sometimes these activities are kind of weird

One time he literally just took you to chop wood with a huge ax 💀

And ofc he asks about your boundaries regarding your gender

Like how comfortable you are with femininity, if at all

I suppose what I mean here is that he's going to communicate with you so that he doesn't say anything that might trigger some gender dysphoria

Because he doesn't want that :(

But when you are feeling dysphoric, he busts out the MAN HANGOUTS (see above)

Or cuddles if you prefer :)

If you wear a binder, he always asks at the end of the day if you've taken it off yet

He doesn't want you hurting yourself (make sure to bind safely guys <3)

And if you take HRT, he'll help you remember to take that too

He'll even bring it to you and help you take it if you want!

Unless you use needles, then he's just going to squeeze your hand and look away while you do it... he is afraid of needles :(

But ofc he totally accepts you if you can't/don't use any of those things!!

To him, you're a guy. Period. No matter what you look or sound or act like, you are a dude.

And he gets so irked when anyone says otherwise

He's just like: dude. that's my boyfriend. wtf are you on about. you're just so wrong. you don't even know how wrong you are.

(^ same attitude he gets when he meets a transphobe in general tbh)

But, as much as he'd like to get all protective and educate this fool, he won't if you tell him to stop

But he will send them a snarky look and, while walking away with you hand-in-hand, say:

"Come on, Y/n. Let's get out of here."

Extra emphasis on the "Y/n" if someone dared to deadname you

OH and if you're a ninja, if any enemy tries to get transphobic with you, he totally abandons his restrained "peacekeeper" fighting style

He DESTROYS them

And when he's done he's just like "that's for being transphobic, loser >:("

Not like they can hear him... they are unconscious

Aaah I hope this was okay!! ^^" Thank you for this request, and thanks so much for reading!! Take care duckies <33

(divider by saradika)

[cathkaesque]

Year in review, cathkaesque wrapped

Completed Very Big Very Cool Farmworker Report, which I'm still super pleased about. Everything I proposed was completed.

Went to Morocco for Very Big Very Cool international gathering

Basically completed transition - got all my documents in order, 2 years HRT, laser hair removal in process. I can take or leave srs so I'm basically exactly where I want to be now

Got asthma and celiac diagnoses - my lungs are better, I can finally put on weight, but my reflux issues are unfortunately uncurable (hiatial hernia)

Relatedly, spent most of February scrubbing black mould off my walls

Looking back on it, from mid-Feb/March I had an extremely bad mental breakdown that took up a good chunk of the year to recover from. Combination of all my work being due and none of it being done around March, huge trans panic in the press, trying to get all my documentation in order because the panic in the press scared the hell out of me, serious relationship issues...it was very bad. I had to move back in with my parents for much of the year while I sorted my shit out

Broke up with my bf but we got back together - the time apart sucked so bad and made us both extremely insane and unwell but it forced us to rectify serious ongoing issues in our relationship rather than letting them fester. I feel we've emerged from it stronger and things are going better than they ever have before so that is pretty wonderful. I just wish I could've resolved these things in a less dramatic, less damaging way.

Went on a lovely holiday in South Wales, and also a little weekend break in Kent

Drove 1250 miles in about 2 weeks

Went to my first festival (do not want to do that again, I hate the West)

Relatedly, wrote off my car because I was very tired from driving that much. I don't miss the responsibility of driving or owning a car at all, and I'm saving tonnes of money, but I really miss the ability to go on little trips to obscure places

Went to London a million times for work meetings

Sadly a lot of the international union work I've been involved with over the last few years has collapsed due to infighting in the international organisation. You have a situation where both the workers' union in Spain and one of the employer unions are affiliated to the same international organisation. The employer union is a lot bigger and unsurprisingly this is too unstable a mix to function and they reacted in a way that broke the rural workers' work I have been involved in. I am very pissed off as the result was issues the workers union really needed to be addressed never got looked at and someone who was very, very dedicated to the cause got forced out of their position because of it. Disgusted. I invested so much of myself into that work so I am trying to decouple my political activism from my work life to prevent this from happening again.

At the same time I had similar issues within my own workplace, especially after larger farmers' organisations reacted strongly against my report. I ended up having a big meeting with lots of them where I performed okay despite having a panic attack prior to it. So hopefully that will have been dealt with now.

Managed to have a healthier relationship to weed which is good

I got super into Flames of War and I'm really enjoying that, I love the models and painting my little guys has been so much fun.

But yeah. All in all a super, super hard year, especially the first 8 months of it, but this was due to overdue problems that needed to get solved, and they got solved. I hope things will be easier next year.

[legendsoffandoms]

Just to be safe yall, trigger warning for: implied cannibalism, mentions of death, implied mentions of extreme violence

But I was thinking of this au for ninjago, and I think some of yall might like it.

So it’s an au based of Lloyd’s oni and dragon side being like separate consciences inside his brain. But very very different.

So it takes place after season 3 but before season 4. And in which in some weird form of magic, Lloyd gets separated into basically a pair of twins. No one is quite how it happened as Lloyd was obviously on a solo mission. But safe to say, that villain probably didn’t make it out unscathed. Anyways, now there’s well Oni Lloyd and Dragon Lloyd. Who surprisingly get along quite well. But the names are gonna be a problem soon….

Anyways, that’s my idea for the background for this. (The dude that managed to dude this is also definitely dead 😔🙏 ) But now onto some cool facts about this au!

The two of them wear matching necklaces, dragon boi is the white side of the Yang and Oni boi is the black side :3

Oni gets hit a lot by dragon for his quite violent nature, but it’s all in good love. Dragon would totally kill someone if they tried to hurt his twin :3

The ninja were honestly so confused when they met up with Lloyd expecting just him, and instead got two of them…. They also tried to kill them XD it took a lot of explaining and attempted murder to get them to calm down.

Morro was also hella confused. Thought when he kidnapped Dragon he was just kidnapping Lloyd. Dude’s life almost died cause Oni tried to murder him again. The ninja had to stop him multiple times in fear of hurting dragon.

Oni and Dragon have Oni and dragon features, but can hide them if need be. Which has let to lots of confusion on everyone else’s side. And by that I mean no one can tell which one is which if they truly want that. The two are some little ass gremlins.

Jokes on yall, Dragon is Aro and Oni’s Cupio AroAce. Dragon just doesn’t date because he of said Aromanticness (which is he is choice) , and Oni just doesn’t think anyone is good enough for him. [This is more of a hc, please don’t get mad at me 😭]

Kai is both Dragon and Oni’s favorite sibling/teammate other than themselves. Naya is a close second. And everyone is extremely jealous of him.

Lloyd is trans in this au, which does sadly mean some unpleasant times for the twins dude to their unhuman sides. Basically mating season for both of them is quite unpleasant. Kai and Naya are the only ones who can touch the two during said time other than themselves.

Dragon honestly likes Wu a lot (though it slowly fades as the show goes on). While Oni basically silently dislikes him. Oni loves their father a lot more than normal Lloyd openly shows in the show. While Dragon loves him just as much as Lloyd actually shows in the show.

Dragon Lloyd actually quite enjoys the goth aesthetic, while Oni boi likes a more traditional style. Which leads to some interesting conversations with people XD

I think that’s about it for now, I do hopes you enjoyed this new au :3

Also feel free to call them Odi, said O-de, and De-de. Odi is Oni Lloyd and De-de is Dragon Lloyd. The reason? Odi comes from the end of Lloyd, o-y-d, I just placed the Y behind the D and got Odi. Also cause I was like, what’s the first letter of Oni? O, what’s the letters after O in Lloyd? Y and D. And I got De-de from just taking the D from Lloyd and Dragon, then simply saying them and putting an E at the end of each D gives you De-de :3

So I hope you like Odi and De-de! Also another quick note on their powers! The twins both have energy and their respective species element.

Okay for real, I’m done. Do hope you enjoyed this au I made! And have fun with it :3 (with credit of course)

[marsbar17]

would u mind doing cryptane (octane x crypto) headcanons? specifically in a long term (perhaps even secret due to their different affiliations) relationship? and if u do any nsfw, trans octane please, mwah. teehee ty!

This is kinda long and I got goofy with it and the nsfw part is short but shhhhhhhhh feast, my child

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

《SFW》

• A lot of effort, time, and feelings went into their relationship, leading to a healthy and stable situation

• All the legends knew they were dating, it was hard not to with Octane's inability to shut up sometimes dhdhdjkaja

• Also the fact that Octane would kiss the other all the time during the games

• Super cool kraber shot? Smooch

• Downed someone in one mag? Smooch

• Kill leader? Smooch, baby

• Win the game? Extra big smooch, maybe with some tongue too (ooh la la)

• Octane wasn't super helpful when it came to Crypto's hate against the syndicate, but he was one hell of a hype man

• He's all like "I don't blame you for hating ol' 'Duardo, I hate him too haha."

• Yeah well, that changed, octane went back to papa duardo and now he's working for the syndicate yaaayyyy

• They didn't talk about it, not communicating and just continuing being romantic and loving while also avoiding the whole subject

• They'd cuddle, turn on the TV only to quickly turn it back off when Octane's face shows up next to his dad's at some big event

• This continued for a while, until Octane figured out that Crypto was helping Lifeline, Loba, and the others with trying to get information on Eduardo

• I mean, he thought about it, but he didn't want to accept that it could be happening, and then he saw it himself with the information on Crypto's computer

• Crypto tells him that Octane can make his own decisions, and that while helping his dad isn't one he agrees with, he's not going to stop loving Octane

• Octane is still a bit hurt that his boyfriend and his best friend are working against him, but fuck it man, Crypto's just too sexy to let go over something so dumb

• So they go back to not talking about it, but they also stop being affectionate in public

• No more smooches :(

• Crypto doesn't really care about what the others feel, but Octane is afraid that Lifeline will get mad that he's talking with Crypto but not her yknow

• When they're alone it's very nice tho, cuddles and watching TV with snacks

• Weird headcannon but Octane has seen all of Grey's Anatomy, and made Crypto watch it aswell

• LIKE, I JUST FEEL LIKE HED GET A KICK OUT OF MAKING FUN OF SHOWS LIKE THAT YKNOW??

• (I haven't seen grey's anatomy I just get clips on tik tok and assume I understand)

• Crypto pretends to hate it but secretly he enjoys the cornyness of it

• The communication ain't very good but it's fiiiinnnneee

• Their relationship is strained, but it's still holding on by like, a couple threads

• One of those threads is probably the sex 👍

《NSFW》

• You can't tell me you look and Crypto and don't think "yeah that man fucks"

• Either that or he has never seen pussy in his life but yknow, that's fun too

• And god is Octane's pussy GOOD

• Octane fucks

• I am an avid enjoyer of the thought that Octane just has casual sex with his friends for fun, no strings attached

• Will do anything to ride Crypto, he's too impatient to let Crypto fuck him

• "Come on perrito~ You've gotta try harder than that to get me off~"

• It doesn't matter if Crypto's on top or bottom, Octane is telling him what to do

• Harder, faster, deeper

• Octane is always begging for quickies at inconvenient times

• Man's gonna get dick when he wants it, bitch

• Crypto's always spent by the end of it, while Octane's like "come on old man, your cum is leaking out of me and I need aftercare STAT."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm realizing how long this is dhdhdnsj WELL

[wolffyluna]

Femslash February Plans

I'm thinking of what I'm going to do for Femslash February.

There's two options:

Option #1: The Sensible One

If I go with this option, I know exactly what I'm going to do. The downside is that the thing is hard.

I have this original f/f novel I'm working on. It's in the second draft, a word which here means "a bunch of the scenes are missing, but all of them are outlined, and I know which ones." I could aim to, by the end of February, have

all the scenes written

in nice cleaned up prose where all people and locations have names

so I can send it to my beloved and long suffering beta to be told what exactly is wrong with it

Option #2: Let's Live A Little!

Along with working on the novel (I like to work on multiple projects at once), I make some smaller fics/ fanart/ podfics, maybe? I might aim for either four (one a week) or seven (like those fandom weeks of old.)

The main problem is that I am kind of Blanking On Actionable Ideas. ("Karlach is cool!" "Right, but you haven't finished the game, and anyway, who would you be shipping her with?" " uhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." or "Double Life Cleo slash Pearl!" "Great, you have two characters, and from a thing you have finished! Do you have a plot?" "ah. hm. hmmmmmmm." )

A secondary problem is that I would need to come up with a workable definition of femslash, at least for myself. On the great Cartesian plane with the axes of "Woman" and "Canon," I must decide where I land between the points of "both characters should straightforwardly be women canonically," "Zhu Chongba is non-binary, but they're a nonbinary lesbian, so it would be strange to say Zhu Chongba/Ma Xiuying isn't femslash?" "should I just be able to make a canonically supported argument that both characters aren't ~solely men? (or: is beefleaf femslash????)" and "are genderbends valid if the character being a woman is important to the fic?"

At the moment I'm leaning towards something along the lines of "Zhu Chongba/Ma Xiuying is on the correct side of the Femslash Line on account of everyone being lesbians" but am very torn about whether to allow genderbends. On the one hand, there is the thing where "can we please focus on the canonical women for one second without going 'he's my babygirl. my silly rabbit'?" On the other: I am a huge sucker both for trans readings of characters, and also looking at how characters would read very differently if they are women.

(Advice/opinions/votes/encouragement etc are all welcomed.)

[bnha-more-like-bnh-gay]

Could I trouble you for some thoughts/headcanons on KiriDeku? KiriDeku is my #1 fave Izuku rarepair, and there is just not enough content out there for them!

Like, those two sunshine boys together would be EVERYTHING! The way they both love to build others up...they would be such a power couple! Plus, Kirishima is very physically affectionate, so he would just SMOTHER Izuku in loving touches. Meanwhile Izuku has an entire doctoral thesis on all the ways Kirishima is an amazing person and an incredible hero on standby, ready to present and defend at any time.

😊🥰

JDICNWKDNISJF BRO, YOU’RE SO RIGHT😭 KIRIDEKU HAS MY SOUL! NO TROUBLE AT ALL, I LOVE THE WAY YOU THINK💙😭💙😭💙😭

Okay, I personally think that before AU, izuku was majorly touch starved. When kiri realizes this, he make it his mission to smother his adorable, incredible, manly boyfriend in all his affections

Kiri is having some insecurities about his quirk? Izuku completely and wholly understands that! He also has a 400 paged PowerPoint presentation on how incredible kirishima is and why he deserves the world

As you said, they are the TOTAL power couple. They can and will bench press each other. Kiri gets so hyped up, he’s just so proud! Izuku is also proud, but he’s also blushing so hard. Izuku, please breathe. No. No, izuku, deep breath in. Izuku, please, your boyfriend is worried-

Dude, they’re both just so supportive I’m going to cry

Like,,, they’ve both been bullied before and they’re just so. Nejcnwjcnwicjwif. They’re so strong, and they lift each other up

But one day, they run into some of kiri’s old bullies :( he tries to play it cool and izuku gets that, but he will also not let people talk shit about anyone he cares about

They’re both full time simps, but kiri is more blatant about it. Izuku just has such low self esteem :(((( so excuse him if he wants to remind his boyfriend that, holy shit, he’s so strong and cute and smart and kind and heroic and manly as hell

He’s so loud about it. He will profess his love for izuku to anyone who will listen. And most people who won’t listen too, honestly. A villain was being an asshole one time? Now he knows how izuku organizes his research and likes his katsudon.

The villain retired

Izuku’s simping is more quiet but no less chaotic. Again, 400 page PowerPoint that he has on a flash drive carried on him at all times “just in case”

In case of what, izuku? Uraraka wants to know. She’s seen it three times and she’s so tired

Kiri finds izuku’s ao3 account and follows so fast. Izuku is shook because 1. He’s embarrassed. And 2. He doesn’t think he’s that good

Kiri knows that he is indeed, “that good” he’s really good. No, he’s not just saying that because he loves the green demon, but because it’s absolutely 10000% true!

The pining before the two got together was. Horrible. Everyone can attest to this

There were betting pools. So many.

Uraraka, Nezu, Sato, momo, and mic were the only ones who won anything (aside from izuku and kiri, who won a boyfriend)

Trans kiri/nonbinary izuku

Thoughts????

Izuku helps kiri dye his roots every couple of weeks! Mina used to do it, but one day she fell asleep before and kiri felt bad waking her up. Izuku found him kind of panicking, so he offered to help! Now, mina and izuku both help!

Literally though. Mic dubbed them the sunshine boys two days into classes and said that they’d be together by the end of the year.

He was correct.

Kiri let’s izuku ramble on as long as he wants to! He doesn’t always understand some of what izuku is talking about, but his passion and drive are just so manly and his excitement is contagious!

Izuku loves listening to kiri talk about crimson riot too! He shows kiri his crimson riot analysis and dude. If kiri wasn’t smitten before, be sure as hell is now

He was smitten before. But still

Kiri helps patch izuku up whenever he gets injured, which we all know is too fucking often, kiri is a concerned boyfriend to the max. He know izuku is strong and that he can handle himself, but he needs to learn how to actually take care of himself too. I.e. not fucking off on his own to become a vigilante and try to take down the worlds most notorious super villain with little to no help and almost never stop for food, water, or rest when you’re 16 and have had your incredibly powerful and still evolving quirk for just around a year

But Kirishima digresses

No, he doesn’t. He’s going to cuddle izuku for hours after that. Izuku will not move. Izuku, let your boyfriend and all your friends and parents smother you in the affection you deserve

Kiri and izuku are both loyal to a fault. And that often comes back to bite people, but it never does between these two. They are both just so caring. They see each other hurt or upset and immediately go into mom mode

They made playlists for each other 🥺

It happened before they got together actually. Jirou overheard izuku muttering in his room about it for hours one night before she texted him a few song recommendations and that he should go to bed. He was mortified but very grateful

Honestly, I feel like Shouto would pick up on the fact that the two liked each other really quickly. It’d just make sense to him. Like. He’s blunt as shit and also is a little shit, and he makes it his business to be all up in their business.

He becomes great friends with Mina, because he just assumes that they’re together. And once told that they aren’t yet, he’s just confused.

“Why not? You like each other.”

“It’s not that simple, Shouto-kun!”

“…”

“Why not? Does all might not approve? I assumed he would. But yes, having your father’s approval might matter yo kirishima-“

“It’s not that! All might isn’t my dad-“

“Aizawa then? Or yamada?”

Mina says that Kirishima should be scared of all the shovel talks he’s going to get, but honestly? He’s not scared in any way! He would never hurt izuku and he’s really happy that izuku has so many people who care about him like he should be cared about!

Kiri 1000% watches Say Yes To The Dress, and izuku watches it with him sometimes. It’s great, because neither of them know anything about fashion. Kiri started watching it with Mina and now he loves it

Speaking of their fashion? Worst dressed couple on campus /affectionate

Aoyama and Mina insist on helping them get ready for their first several dates

Honestly, everyone knows that it doesn’t matter what they wear because if kiri fell for izuku and his “t-shirt” shirt (which I loved, by the way) and izuku fell for kiri in his crocs (which I don’t love, by the way), the pair could wear almost anything and the other would still swoon. It’s sickening. But also really sweet, you cannot deny no matter how many times Aoyama has tried to spruce up their wardrobes

Izuku one day gives kirishima a jar that’s half full with little scraps of paper and tells him to pick one out when he’s sad. On the pieces of paper, are all different reasons why izuku thinks kiri is amazing and why/how much he loves him. He adds to it every day

Kirishima is #EMOTIONALEHCIJSIXNSKC GUYS, HIS BOYFRIEND IS LITERALLY THE SWEETEST WHAT THE HELL

Aizawa genuinely doesn’t know if it’s cute or absolutely disgusting. He tries not to think about it too hard really

Kiri finds out that izuku is really good at art and helps him get confident enough to offer commissioned works! He also commissions him all the time without telling izuku. One day, izuku finds all the pieces kiri commissioned from him and cries because, guys, HIS BOYFRIEND IS SO SWEET, HE DIDN’T HAVE TO PAY FOR THOSE, HE’D MAKE KIRI ART FOR FREE ANY DAY

BUT IZU, THAT’S WHY HE DID IT SECRETLY, BECAUSE YOUR ART IS SO MANLY AND WORTH MILLIONS OF YEN

They’re absolute menaces and I love them with my entire soul, thank you so much for this 💙😭💙😭💙😭💙😭 but I hope you liked itttt!!!! Kirideku is genuinely such a compatible pairing dude, they deserve more. Just. More. Better.

[catchyhuh]

Please please please hit us with the Gender Studies!!!!

YOU HAVE OPENED TJE FLOODGATES!!! LET’S GO GENDER actually sexuality too let’s hit ‘em both because i have my piece and need to speak it. less about their physical bodies, more about their Mindscape. do i sound insane? i will by the end of this i promise!

lupin: listen give me a week i will compile all the evidence i have that lupin is CANONICALLY bisexual. beyond that he’s… also probably polyamorous cuz. y’know. look around. this is one hell of an open relationship. i feel like out of all of them though he’s the only one that’d like. bring it up. state it proudly. his gender is fun because you know mp didn’t MEAN anything writing a ? next to GENDER on Lupin’s little govt file but. oh baby. there’s definitely some meshing of a man and a woman in there, simultaneously coexisting even if he’s in guy mode or whatever. but like. he would only really notice that if it was pointed out to him. y’know that tweet that says “i’m probably nonbinary but i have a job rn so i’m not really thinking about it too much rn” that’s Lupin the Third

jigen: yeah prepare to be shocked. that’s a gay man. that’s a homosexual. contrary to the jokes i don’t think he’s GAY and misogynistic because of it, i think he just has (lets be real somewhat understandable in his position) beef with fujiko specifically. but when you look at his other interactions with women, they’re either just basic decency for a fellow human being or largely apathetic. and that getting betrayed thing but lets be real again that’s happening regardless of if he’s truly in love with them or if it’s just an “i have eyes” aesthetic appreciation. the transmasc reading of jigen like clicks in my head and it’s hard to pinpoint why exactly? i guess it’s just because he’s got that like. completely self-assured guy vibe. he knows he’s a man and that’s how it is. he doesn’t give a shit!! which could be taken as a cis guy thing too but either way he’s very comfortable in his guyhood and that’s cool. there’s a confidence and comfortability in his man-ness that you only really get after a level of selfintrospection, if that makes sense. if jigen isn’t actually trans he must be cis+ or some shit but. i’m leaning towards the former

fujiko: where lupin puts a label on it, fujiko simply makes a coy little face and shrugs her shoulders. changes the answer a little each time she really thinks about it. bi, pan, unlabeled, questioning? she’s scratched off the last one at least. she’s pretty damn sure she’ll bang any sane consenting adult with enough money. but that does bring us to another thing that i haven’t brought up with anyone yet: i’m a firm believer in demiromantic fujiko. that’s what that’d be called right? the romantic version of demisexual? fujiko just cannot form a romantic attachment to anyone unless there are years, like YEARS of consistent, honest trust and understanding in there. it’s not even an option in her mind until she’s known someone 3 years minimum, and even then that’s only when it BECOMES a SUGGESTION. sexual attraction is easy, romantic attraction is a sidequest altogether. it’s not just a mental mindset thing it’s like. her chemical makeup dude. but veering back on course, she’s got the same solidity in gender that jigen has, just in the Pink direction, so the same general reading of “is she a trans woman or does she just Get it” hits for me

goemon: goemon really hasn’t thought about his sexuality too much. he sees it as more of a person by person basis rather than a potentially gender specific attraction? if he finds a woman attractive, he finds a woman attractive, if he finds a man attractive, he finds a man attractive, if he finds a person who is attractiDo you get the general gist here? at best i could say he has a slight skew towards women, but it doesn’t like ERASE the rest of the options here. goemon views gender similarly, almost like an outsider looking in. it’s not some deep psychological perspective where he’s like, intentionally distancing himself to best study it, it’s just that he doesn’t feel a huge need to label himself in that sense. a foot in the nonbinary door. any pronouns, any terms of address, it’s no biggie to goemon! i do think he’d be somewhat interested to hear others’ perspectives on it, but he knows who he is. the one with the kickass sword lmao

zenigata: this shit is hard uh damn. nothing would shock me with him in any sense. he could be anything, he could be gay (lots of people get married to women before realizing who they are later in life!) he could be bi or pan, he could just be really butch for all i know brother!! any reading is a whole new canvas for unsuccessfully repressed tension and internal sexual turmoil! as for gender, uh it’s kind of. the same sense? he could really be anything. maybe like, betwixt jigen with the “solid in the dudeness” sense and goemon in the “just checking off boxes” shit. like regardless of if he is a MAN man his masculinity is a choice (wild sentence to be saying about the guy drawn to look silly on purpose) and HE wouldn’t get it, like he wouldn’t just start spouting off all this shit if you asked, i mean you'd probably just hear a distant dial-up tone looking at the expression on his face if you asked him. but like. a well-informed third party would get it. i know i sound wild cuz this is literally a baby boomer but listen to me,

[shadowsphere]

Can I request angst! Kishou Arima x reader with a happy ending?

🔮Side by Side ⎯ K. Arima

☽ Featuring: Kishou Arima x gn! Reader

☽ Request? ✓ I scrolled and saw this was in my drafts. Completely forgot. I'm so sorry!!

☽ Includes: angst, fluffy, character death, happy but sad ending, ghouls vs reapers, opposites attract???, enemies to lovers??,, afterlife, Ken Kaneki, wishing for death mention, gn reader, minor trans characters, ftm transition mentioned, inside joke, slow burn, unnecessary background, fearing arima, canon touken, ayato helps train you, owl suppression operation, slow ghoul identity finding, multiple skips around bc it wouldve been longer if i didnt, both of you like each other but dont get together, one adorable kiss, reader jumping into kishou's arms, fighting with ccg, winning but at what cost, One-Eyed King, unrealistic fight but its cool to think about, loosely based off a scene in naruto, not even dialogue bc i suck at it, hand holding but not really, reincarnation????

☽ Synopsis: You were both supposed to grow old together, yet here you two are, wasting away on the battlefield, revenge for who you two were.

☽ A/n: I included a trans character just so that I can get some practice in writing for a trans character. I hope that's okay. Also, please don't be afraid to recommend trans! reader stories as well as male! reader stories, I want to gain experience writing them.

🔮┊🔮┊🔮 ≛ ☽

This wasn't supposed to happen.

This war should have ended before it started, but that could be wishful thinking. This was bound to happen, it was the fine print of your jobs. Perhaps you two were just too selfish and the universe noticed. Maybe these were your punishments for all the things you've done.

Maybe it was just a nightmare. A really long nightmare that neither of you could wake up from. Anything was better than real life at this moment, and you two were forced to watch each other. Forced to manage the pain each was going through.

This wasn't punishment. It was torture.

But let's start from the beginning.

Kishou Arima, CCG's Reaper. Despite his job being to kill ghouls, he was on their side. He even took up a secret identity to fight alongside ghouls. Something he's regretting in his current timeline.

Y/n, a newly turned ghoul. You were constantly afraid of what you could do to others who didn't deserve to be attacked. But you cared less about attacking people who deserved it but were still scared of fear of getting tortured by investigators.

Before we get into how you met, let's get deeper into your story.

You hung out with Ken Kaneki a lot, you both were baby ghouls. You gave each other a lot of strength, both constantly going through the shock and hatred of what's happened to yourselves. Unlike Kaneki, you didn't know when or who turned you into a ghoul, you just remember one day getting worrying thoughts and urges.

You and Kaneki met when he was on a mission to kill ghouls in the area. He had stumbled across you while you were curled into a ball, noticeably crying. When Kaneki reached out to touch the shaking person in front of him, you flinched away and looked up at him with frightened eyes. The way you looked at the time made

Kaneki feel like they were a victim attacked by a ghoul that got away.

This leads to a weird dynamic between the two. Kaneki would take care of you, while you constantly pushed him away. You didn't want to hurt the person keeping you safe and would rather Kaneki forgot about you and left. But Kaneki was too nice.

You tried to run away multiple times.

The moment you learned that Kaneki was an investigator, you feared the moment he would find out what you were. You didn't want Kaneki to hate you for never mentioning that you were a ghoul. Plus you were conflicted with yourself. You constantly cursed the universe for letting this happen to you and wished for someone to kill you, yet feared being killed by an investigator.

Maybe this was the first act of selfishness. They need to be alive but want to be dead.

Kaneki did find out about you being a ghoul of course. He again was on a mission. He had heard that there was a ghoul out of control, eating and attacking any humans they would see. Kaneki knew these to be signs of either a newly turned ghoul or a ghoul who fought against their urges. Kaneki always hated killing those types, but they were dangerous to the world, and they needed to die.

It was deja vu.

He went through an alleyway. He immediately recognized you. But he didn't focus on that long. He noticed a lot of blood on you and your clothes. It looked like you were dunked overhead with blood. Behind you, he saw a pile of bodies and instantly connected the dots. He hoped it wasn't what it looked like, but from the tears on your face and the flesh around your mouth, he knew you did this.

"Y/n.." The sad tone in his voice made the tears fall. You crouched down and started crying into your knees, the scene reminding him of when you first met. The gut-wrenching screams of regret and hatred were loud, causing even more hesitation in Kaneki. He understood why you two met the way you did. You were scared of yourself and crying. He understood you pushing him away, you were protecting him.

This one time. This one ghoul. You broke him. He could kill any ghoul without a second thought. But because he knew you, because he knew you weren't dangerous and that you didn't want to be, he couldn't kill you.

Kaneki walked to you and crouched down, engulfing you in the tightest hug that you could muster. He felt you immediately grab hold of him and cry harder. Maybe out of disbelief that he's hugging you. Kaneki's eyes were focusing hard on the dead bodies in front of him now that he was looking over your shoulder. The bodies ranged from kids to old people.

None of them were completely finished. Kaneki's hand went up to the back of your head and pushed you against his shoulder. He didn't know, but he could guess that you tried so hard to stop yourself from completely killing them, but the urges got the better of you. Kaneki looked at your still crying form, deciding that he could lie this one time.

After this event, Kaneki allowed you to meet the Kirishima siblings. He had explained to you that they helped him control his urges as much as possible because he was exactly like you, he didn't want to eat human flesh. Hearing that not only was Kaneki a ghoul, but he also used to be in the same position as you. This gave you the confidence to trust the Kirishima siblings.

It's been 15 years since.

Even though some people get over being a ghoul in a few years, you were just now getting to the point where you were okay with it. It's mainly due to the fact that you had to work through the trauma of the screams of kids and families. Every day, you were plagued with those images, finding it hard to move on when you took their lives just because you were hungry. You still have the guilt, but you've constantly been going to their graves and paying your respects. You were the colors and mask of a swan, but unlike the animal, you repelled others.

Maybe it was the uncertainty you gave everyone who didn't know you. Your uncertainty increased oddly enough, not because you were displeased with who you were, but because you didn't know what type of ghoul you were. Ayato Kirishima would constantly say that you're possibly a Ukaku like him, but there was no evidence to prove that.

Still, you trained just in case.

However, you and Kaneki stopped hanging around each other for some time. It was rare for you to see him and if you did, he would instantly leave. At first, you were completely confused as to why and no one wanted to tell you what was happening. But you ended up getting over it due to how busy you were getting as well.

You spent a lot of time with the Kirishima siblings, especially Touka, who you realized had a bit of a schoolgirl crush on Kaneki. She and you grew close due to your relationships with Kaneki and would always be found laughing together. On some days, you both would get together to mutually worry about Kaneki.

Today was the same thing.

You were helping Touka out at the Anetiku, a routine you were used to doing after training. You were a stand-in waitress, and currently, you served a middle-aged man and his teenager, your last customers. The teenager seemed to have a mixture of interests from what you could tell. They had hair that was split but in an oddly satisfying way. Their hair was black on one side but dyed multiple colors on the other.

Their clothes were the same. They had on black pants but a very colorful top. Their accessories were a mixture of black and colorful. You could tell that the teenager was going through a self-discovery of who they were and what they liked. Any time you went to their table for their orders, you would unconsciously catch some parts of their conversation.

Something you felt very guilty about and tried hard to block out so that you weren't imploring on a sensitive topic.

You caught sentences like "I don't know who I am yet", "Dad how did you make your transition from female to male confidently", and "I don't even know if I want to transition." You were able to work out that the teenager was transgender and was seeking reassurance from their father, who went through the same process.

You hoped that at the end of their journey, they would be happy with what they decided on who they should be. You went through the same process of accepting who you were and it wasn't easy, so you hoped they had a good support system. You knew the duo knew you heard their conversation, but since you showed no ignorant reaction, they felt comfortable.

When they two got up to leave, they gave you a smile. You smiled back, wishing that you could've done something in order to show how supportive you were but didn't want to be too pushy. Touka noticed the interaction and looked at you, her voice teasing despite the monotone. "You look like they offered for you to join their family."

The sentence caused you to immediately laugh. "Is that what that looked like?" You were laughing hard, amusing Touka with the wheezing escaping you. She lived to make you wheeze, and you always delivered.

"I hear wheezing, and I know it's not the teapot." You and Touka looked to the entrance and saw Kaneki walking in, a smile on his face. He was followed behind by another person. This person was completely covered. You couldn't even see a small amount of skin. The person was making sure that no one could identify who they were.

Your eyes went from the mysterious to Kaneki who was smiling at you. You rolled your eyes playfully, "The first thing you do is make fun of me after ten thousand years of not seeing you." Touka covered her smile with her hand, finding it amusing how you exaggerated sometimes. Touka walked to Kaneki and hugged him. The hug was awkward, only because they both liked each other but didn't want to mention it to one another.

You couldn't see Touka's face, but you could see Kaneki's, and the blush on his face amused you. You watched as they hugged, completely forgetting that they aren't alone. A sound came from the mysterious person that came with Kaneki. He had cleared his throat, feeling awkward about what he was forced to witness. Kaneki and Touka pushed each other away, unable to look each other in the eyes now.

You snorted automatically and immediately covered your nose, expecting Kaneki to mention it. He didn't disappoint. The moment the sound came from you, he looked at you with a teasing glint in his eyes. "You better not." "Better not what piggy?" You glared at Kaneki and he only shrugged, but you knew he wasn't done. Not with how he was smirking at you.

"Though, I'm surprised I didn't have to bribe you for you to oink for me like I usually do." The immediate laugh that sentence got out of you made Kaneki cocky. He knew how much you loved any mention of any inside jokes you have with each other.

This inside joke was made when you two were extremely sleep-deprived at three am but still hung out. You two didn't understand how y'all got there, but you two started to talk about turns on and turn-offs. The conversation led to both of you snorting out of laughter at the ridiculous things you were saying, but Kaneki took the award for the most outrageous sentences said. "Imagine if your partner asked you to oink for them because it turned them on."

Safe to say that it made your life so much better after that.

Kaneki walked behind the counter and hugged you quickly then let you go. You wanted to make a joke about him hugging you like he didn't want to, yet held on to Touka so much longer, but you knew that would make them awkward. So instead, you just pinched his side and focused on making sure that no other customers were getting ready to come in.

With Kaneki here, that meant he found something out.

Touka went to the bathroom and knocked, trying to see if someone was in there still. Since there weren't any sounds from the bathroom, Touka gave you a thumbs-up. You went to the door and locked it. You closed the blinds on one side of the room, while Touka closed the blinds on the other.

You two finished making sure no one could see or hear inside the cafe. Then you went to go sit at a booth, Touka going over to make drinks and food for everyone. Kaneki and his guest sat across from you, and while you three waited, the conversation started.

"Kishou-sama, you can take everything off now. You're safe here. No one is gonna report you." Kaneki addressed the man next to him and smiled. The person next to Kaneki started to remove his clothing. First, he started with his white gloves, revealing the bony but veiny hands he had. His fingers were long but elegant. After, the large, bulky coat he had on came off next. He had on a white coat, which you found weird because that makes him unnecessarily hot.

But now you could see the black shirt he had underneath the coat. Then the white scarf around his neck came off, revealing that the black shirt was actually a turtleneck. Then he moved on to the mask that completely covered his face. The moment he took it off you were surprised to see a face that you only saw in photos.

His hand went up to push his glasses up his nose as he got comfortable. He had put all the articles of clothing onto the ground, clearing up space for everyone to be comfortable. You didn't show a visual reaction, you felt it would've been rude if you did. Instead, you panicked in your head. You didn't understand why a well-known investigator was buddy-buddy with a ghoul.

His gray, visibly bored eyes landed on you. It was like he could sense that you were panicking. He showed no reaction, he just nodded his head in greeting and then looked back at Kaneki.

When Touka came back and put the drinks and food on the table and got settled in, the meeting started. Kaneki and Kishou explained the reason for their visit and how Touka and you needed to inform all the ghouls you possibly could. The CCG was planning an attack and everyone needed to be ready.

Maybe you should've known Kishou would become a prominent figure in your life after that.

Kaneki would start to come back around, he said he was getting ready for the amount of fighting there would be. You were unsure about that, still unsure of your ghoul type. Along with Kaneki, Kishou also started to come around a lot. He couldn't come as much as Kaneki because he couldn't let his identity be found out, but he still would.

His attitude towards you and Touka never changed. He stayed professional and distant. It was understandable though, he couldn't get close, and it could ruin everything he worked for. Touka started to tease you about Kishou though. Maybe your lingering gazes of fear could be seen as gazes of attraction.

It wasn't like Arima wasn't attractive, you were just too plagued with the fear that one day he's gonna kill everyone. No matter how many times Kaneki said "He regrets killing the ghouls he killed. He's on our side", you couldn't fully believe that.

But the universe was funny. It gives you something just to take it away.

Ayato had told you that he couldn't help you train one day. He was too busy trying to prepare with everyone in the Aogiri Tree. He needed to make sure that everything was okay, but he wouldn't allow you to train alone. He mentioned that someone would help you train, but didn't say who.

It was a good thing he didn't say. You wouldn't have gone if he did. You remember entering your training room and seeing Kishou sitting down. He was peaceful. When you got closer, you noticed that his eyes were closed. You looked towards the door, thinking of skipping out on training this one time, but he noticed.

"Oh. You're here." His smooth but cold voice made you scared. You watched as he stood up to his full height. "I was told to help train you. You don't know what kind of ghoul you are right? Kirishima said that you could be a Ukaku." You just nodded along, looking at the exit. You knew that you wouldn't make it if you run, but the thought was tempting.

Kishou started to take off his white coat, something you noticed he always wore. He folded it and put it on the ground neatly far from you. He started to roll up the sleeves of his turtle neck.

Was it too late to run? He looked as if he could easily take you out. But still, you reluctantly got ready to train. Usually, you were confident and aggressive, but now you were timid. Kishou knew it was because you feared him as an investigator, halfway through the training session, he stood up straight.

He let out a sigh. "We won't get anywhere if you continue to fear me. If I wanted to kill you, I would've already done it. But we don't have time for you to be acting like this. So, either get over your fear or live in fear and die."

You weren't mad. You weren't even sad. What he said was completely valid. You were putting yourself at risk of dying just because you fear him. Plus training with an actual investigator would teach you what you need to know. Instead of losing fear, you used your fear of him for good.

When you two started training again, he noticed how intense you were and could only nod his head in approval. He was better than you, but you were still learning a lot.

It became a ritual.

You two would train together since Ayato was constantly busy. Especially now that Kishou has revealed the name of the operation, Owl Suppression Operation, and the full details of what the operation was. You were getting no closer to discovering your ghoul identity. You showed constant frustration with this, even though everyone repeatedly said to be patient and to wait.

You just felt useless. Again, the universe is cruel. In your time of feeling like you were a burden, Kishou was there for you. He would enter Anteiku and awkwardly ask you to sit with him. At first, you would look at him weirdly and decline. It seemed that when you declined, he would let out a breath of relief and get up to leave.

By that, you knew he was set up by someone to give you company against his will. But the sight of him being happy to not deal with you rubbed you the wrong way, even though you knew he would act the same to everyone else. So, you started to accept his invitations.

You would instantly regret the decision once you two were surrounded by awkwardness. He was distantly cold, and you hated that. So after ten minutes, you would get up and go back to work. Every time, you saw how he would be less tensed up. Maybe he just genuinely hated interaction that couldn't be calculated or controlled by him.

But an odd thing started to happen.

His silent and distant company did wonders. You started to feel more comfortable with him. His behavior was a break from everyone constantly questioning you or reassuring you. He was content, well kind of, with letting you sit down and didn't bother bringing up anything you worried about.

Maybe this was where the universe noticed that it made a mistake. You didn't know when, or how, but you craved Kishou's company over anyone else's. Instead of him asking you to sit with him, you started to ask him to keep you company. Of course, it threw him off. He was surprised you wanted to stay around him, but he allowed it, deciding that it wasn't that bad. Plus your presence was barely there.

What a lie that was.

You started to talk. He remembers being deep in thought, wondering how the plan against the CCG would work when you started talking. "Kishou, when did you find out your type?" Kishou was caught off guard, but it didn't show. He looked at you, noticing how interested you were. He also knew this probably had something to do with ghoul types.

He cleared his throat, keeping eye contact with you. "I don't know. It just happened." He noticed how your head hit the table, making a thud. You groaned out in frustration, sick and tired of being uncertain. "I noticed that you were a swan mask usually. Shouldn't that help you figure out what you should possibly go for?" Your mouth opened in surprise. Why didn't you think of that?

"Kishou, you're a genius. Swans have wings, and Ukaku has wings. Is that why Ayato was always saying I would be an Ukaku?" His mouth lifted up into a tiny smile, amused that you were making what he said seem like it was philosophical. "How do I become an Ukaku?" "You can't control what you become, it just happens. Maybe that's why you haven't found out what you are. You've been trying too hard to do it yourself and not let the Rc cells do their job."

Something that would never change, is how much you hate that Kishou is almost never wrong. He never fails to give a realistic answer and make you realize that you're just being an idiot for never figuring it out yourself. You know he never means to do that, but he always gives such simple explanations and you curse yourself for struggling to figure that out.

Due to that, and the date of the operation getting closer and closer, you stopped focusing on your ghoul type and started focusing on other things. Like you staring at Kishou too long. Touka and Kaneki team up to tease you about it, but you can't help it. His hair oddly complimented his pale skin. It was entrancing to see and made him look ethereal.

Sometimes you wanted to see how he would look with his hair pushed back, but that was the only thing that really held your attention. His hair was pretty and that really was it, no matter what Touka and Kaneki said.

Kishou wasn't stupid. He noticed how you looked at him. But he also could read the signs, knowing you weren't attracted to him. So he just let you be. Though, he couldn't help but get a little happy whenever you celebrated getting a tiny victory over him. It surprisingly caused him a lot less stress than you being worried over anything.

Maybe Kishou only noticed your staring because he stared as well.

He found it interesting how you would make weird sounds whenever you laughed or when you lost balance due to laughing too hard. He was amused with your questions about him, sometimes the questioning not making sense. They varied from "Do you ever wonder if you're getting old? You know, with your hair being white." to "How come you have different Kagune's like Kaneki? Are you two related?"

It was weird how many times you asked about the connection between him and Kaneki. Your reason was mainly that they both had too many similarities. You would accuse them of being long-lost brothers despite them proving that they had no connection to each other.

That's when he should've realized.

He was so focused on everything and everyone else, that he couldn't see his own growing feelings. He should've noticed that his guard was being let down. He let out laughs and smiles more in your company, yet he didn't realize that. He got too caught up and realized when it was too late.

Maybe it was punishment for taking too long.

Soon you both started being weird. You would stop hanging around Kishou, finding it awkward. No, awkward isn't the right word, you found it rude. Kishou was helping you anytime he could, and here you were gaining feelings. Slowly, but surely. It was immediately noticed.

Ayato first noticed it, but only because you allowed him to. He remembers being at the Anteiku and eating when you suddenly sat down across from him. He saw how nervous and desperate you seemed and sighed, knowing you weren't gonna let him decline anything you asked. "Come back to training me please."

Ayato nodded instantly, which shocked you. He noticed the shock and only shrugged "I don't feel like hearing you constantly whine. But why do you want me to do it? You were perfectly fine with Arima weren't you?" He notice you flinch at the sound of the name and rolled his eyes. He knew what this meant. He had to deal with it when Kaneki first realized he liked Touka.

"I don't want to know." Ayato stood up, completely losing his appetite. He didn't need to or have to deal with any more people being into each other, but not making any moves.

You would've been hurt if he didn't just grant your wish. He could be grumpy all he wants, he gave you what you want.

The next person to realize what was happening was Touka. Every time Kaneki and Kishou would come into the cafe, suddenly you were ducked behind the counter and asking her not to expose you. There were multiple times when she almost did, but she was a good friend. Though as for revenge for making her hide you, she would find multiple reasons to say Kishou's name when you least expected it.

You would be taking orders and here comes Touka. She would whisper in your ear, making it seem like she's telling you something about the cafe in front of the customers but really she's just saying "Kishou was breathing earlier." Yes, she made sure that it never made sense. She just loved to see you in the same situation you made fun of her and Kaneki for.

Speaking of Kaneki, he didn't notice your behavior. Either he was too busy to notice or he was too focused on Touka. However, you guessed Touka revealed to him your steadily growing feelings for Kishou. At first, Kaneki didn't believe her, but he was instantly convinced.

There was another meeting being held, this time all of the Aogiri Tree members were present. The discussion was being held about any final adjustments to be made. However, Kaneki noticed how your eyes kept drifting to a highly focused Kishou. He watched as your eyes traveled from his hair to his hands, the process of getting there being stopped occasionally by you getting distracted by his other features.

However, he also noticed something no one else could see. He saw how Kishou was tense. He was always tense, but never this much. Kaneki instantly knew that Kishou knew that you were looking at him. But he didn't seem tense because he disliked it. Kishou was known for being honest and blunt about what he didn't like, and this would be no different.

Kaneki knew Kishou liked it enough to not tell you to stop. He could only smirk as he came up with a way to tease you. He didn't stall on that either. The moment the meeting was over and everyone went back to where they needed to go, Anteiku was filled with only you, Kaneki, Touka, and Ayato.

You were cleaning up the tables like you were supposed to while Touka threw away the trash. You two just automatically split the chores, something that was learned after months of the same routine. Kaneki didn't care though. He leaned against the table, much to your dismay. "Ken. Get off the table, I'm cleaning." You stuck your tongue out at him as you spoke, but he didn't automatically respond.

Usually, he gave you a witty remark, but he didn't, which worried you more than you cared to admit. Though that care instantly drained when he opened his mouth. "No matter how much you clean, your reflection won't change. It, unfortunately, can't capture the look of hopeless pining." You froze while you cleaned the table. You continued to stare at the table, seeing your reflection wasn't helping.

The Kirishima siblings lost interest in what they were doing and focused on you and Kaneki. This was the first time your noticeable feelings for Kishou were mentioned, and you were obviously taking it bad. "....What are you talking about?" Kaneki stood up straight, noticing your unmoving body. He had two options: poke fun at you or be a nice friend.

For once, he would choose the former.

"After all this time and years of poking fun of me and Touka. Calling it a schoolgirl crush. Now, here you are. Crushing on someone just like a schoolgirl crush." Ayato had covered his mouth, not wanting to let you hear him laughing at you. Your hands were clenched into fists. Kaneki was right. This was your karma for all that you've done.

You sighed, letting your eyes land on Kaneki. He saw the sadness and disbelief in you and could only sigh before patting your head. "Well I can tell you one thing, he's noticed but he doesn't hate it." That caught your attention, but Kaneki only started to walk away. "Wait! Hold on! Come back!" Kaneki only waved at you, leaving like he didn't just drop a bombshell on you.

Well, now you have a lot to think about.

Kishou was thinking a lot around this time as well. He was constantly working but wasn't focused. Something that everyone noticed but decided not to mention for fear of what he might say. His task, with Kaneki, was to sabotage anything that the CCG had prepared for the operation. Currently, he was unable to effectively do it, causing a lot of frustration in his partner in crime.

"Are you that emotionally constipated that you're struggling with your own?" Kishou looked over at Kaneki who was staring at him with a raised eyebrow. It was silent between them for a little, Kaneki realizing that Kishou barely understood anything. "Never mind." A big, dramatic sigh escaped Kaneki, but he went back to what he was doing.

Kishou followed suit, not entirely concerned with what was said. Though, he should've been. Maybe he could've stopped a disaster before it even started.

Kishou started to notice that he only ever trained with you now. He couldn't and didn't want to train with anyone else. He didn't understand why. He always gave the excuse of "Sorry, I need someone that's actually challenging" but that wasn't true about you. You were the weakest person he knew, and he didn't gain anything from training with you, but he still declined every invitation.

If you couldn't train, he wouldn't train at all. Kishou noticed this only when many CCG members started to complain openly that he was mocking them. He, of course, showed that he wasn't surprised by this information, but on the inside, it didn't make sense. Why did he train with you but no one else?

Kishou also noticed how he would occasionally look over your body. Before, he used to do it because he needed to asses what you should work on for the session. Now, he has no reason to, especially not in the middle of the session. Yet, he still does it and he knows you know because you would get awfully quiet and wouldn't look him in the eyes. Is he making you feel the way you make him feel when you stare at him? If so, why doesn't he hate that?

Why does he continue to do it, despite knowing how you're gonna react? He would subconsciously tell himself that it was because he enjoyed your reaction, but he wouldn't accept that. It was out of character for him. However, he knew that every time he did it, he would be smirking a little.

He remembers Ayato telling him to admit that he likes you to himself. Ayato sounded extremely tired of everything, and seemingly "Your unawareness that you like Y/n and their inability to completely accept that they like you is stressing me out more than preparations." was the main cause of it. Ayato had started to walk away after that, mumbling that he needed to sleep.

Kishou, weeks after that, continuously contemplated over if he really did like you. He thought he was exempt from experiencing romantic feelings. It was something he was okay with, but having romantic feelings was completely out of his expertise. Luckily, since preparations were coming to a close on both sides, Kishou had time to himself to think about everything.

He finally accepted the reality that he did have some sort of feelings for you, but there was no time for romance, especially on a battlefield. That's what he said, but he sang a different tune two days away from the start of a war.

He had visited the Aogiri Tree for the last time. He was walking around and getting details about any last-minute adjustments made. But his task was interrupted by the scream of his name. "KISHOU!" Kishou turned around and saw you running to him, smiling in absolute delight.

He liked your smile more than he could've thought. These feelings enhanced his attraction to you the more you did normal things like smile or speak. He was fed up with it, but didn't mind it. Kishou bowed at the people he was previously talking to and walked up to you to meet you halfway. Here he goes again, putting you above everyone else instantly.

You didn't stop running. Actually, you ran past him, but grabbed onto his arm and dragged him in the direction of your training room. "I have to show you something really cool!" Usually, he would protest getting pulled like this, but he allowed you.

Again, feelings were weird. Is this why people call it a weakness?

Kishou stayed silent and just accepted his fate. Once you got into the training room, you closed the door and started to push him away from you. Kishou didn't say anything, just watched. As he watched, he watched something incredible happen. Maybe it was just incredible because it was you.

He saw wings start to take form near your shoulders. His mouth dropped in shock. You were taking the form of an Ukaku right in front of his eyes with the happiest smile on your face. Once the wings fully formed, you two made eye contact and he could see happy tears start to form. His face shifted into one of pure happiness for you, his small smile meaning the world to you.

"It finally happened, huh? When did it?" He watched as you floated and spun around the room, gleefully laughing. He stood standing, watching as you finally enjoyed your ghoul identity. "It happened weeks ago, but you weren't here to see. Ayato's been teaching me how to fight as an Ukaku. I was running when I heard you were in the area and I needed to show you!"

Kishou watched as you got back onto the ground and your wings started to disappear. He didn't think anyone could pull off being an Ukaku as beautifully as you. 'But that's biased thinking.' He thought to himself. Kishou watched as your excitement rose again, but he wasn't ready for what you were gonna do.

You jumped onto him, hugging him tightly. He didn't stumble, but he was caught off guard. He just wrapped his arms around you confused and hugged back. You pulled away from the hug slightly and smiled at him, causing nerves to flow through him a little. "Thank you Kishou for telling me something extremely simple that actually helped me. Oh and also for training with me all those months."

Kishou only nodded. He couldn't focus on anything around him or what you were saying. Your eyes shone bright, happiness completely filling them. Your arms were around his neck, holding him like he truly saved your life. But what has his attention the most, was your lips that showed him smiles because he did something right.

Maybe it was okay for a little romance. He could indulge a little in his wants for once. Then after the fight, you two could talk about it more. But would you be okay with that? Ayato's words from weeks ago replay in his head, reminding him that you did in fact like him.

Maybe he should. He would regret it if he didn't.

Without even thinking, Kishou connected your lips. Your eyes widened from the sudden kiss but stayed wide due to the softness of how he was kissing you. Your eyes slowly closed, kissing him just as softly as he was kissing you. The kiss was delicate, representing the feelings you had for each other.

You pulled away from each other. His glasses were a little foggy, causing you to laugh. You took his glasses off his face and wiped them clean with your shirt. Before you put them on his face, you looked at him and admired his beauty without his glasses. For Kishou, all he could see was a blurry image, but he could feel that you were smiling at him.

His clear vision came back as you put them back on his face and your hands went down to his cheek, caressing him as gently as you kissed. The air around you two was a soft blanket of hope.

But that blanket would soon be ripped off of you, exposing you to the harsh and cold reality of the world. Because here you two were on the battlefield. He was appearing as the One-Eyed King, fighting against the most powerful CCG members while you were in the air, fighting against the weaker ones.

Everyone was fighting with their blood, sweat, and tears. Everyone would get back up after getting knocked down repeatedly. But the thunder that struck signaled a change in the war. At first, the ghouls had the upper hand. But then the CCG started to gain it.

All around you were the screams of excruciating pain. Ghouls were falling back to back. Sure the number of ghouls was overpowering, but the numbers were quickly falling. No one understood what was happening, and Kishou was also confused. But still, the fight continued, and the ghouls attack more ferociously than before. They mutually agreed that whatever was taking out the ghouls needed to be taken out fast.

You were fighting effectively in the air, the training with Ayato helping you out. But something went wrong. One of your wings got attacked, but instead of being unharmed, it completely disappeared. You let out a yelp, having only one wing barely keeping you in the air. But that wing also got attacked, disappearing like its pair.

You started falling, and fast.

Kishou was fighting but he kept an eye on you. When he saw you falling to the ground, he overpowered his opponent and ran to you, trying to catch you. It was wishful thinking. The world was too nice, it gave him multiple things in life, but he was sick of it. It now wanted to take instead.

He felt something thrust into his stomach. He looked down and saw a massive hole. He could feel himself start to change back. He looked back to see who attacked him and saw a smug-looking CCG member. The smugness of the member dissolved when Kishou was revealed to be the One-Eyed King. It was placed with betrayal. Kishou didn't have time to deal with this. He needed to catch you.

He just kept running to you. He caught you in his arms, you were curled up in fear. You opened your eyes and saw Kishou holding you and you smiled. He put you on your feet. He wanted to ask about your rings but for now, he would go back to the fight. He tried to change back into the One-Eyed King but he couldn't.

His eyebrows furrowed. But then he realized. The CCG was planning on making weapons that could cancel out a ghoul's RC cells, meaning they couldn't use their abilities anymore. They said it wouldn't get finished in time for this operation, so he stopped worrying about it.

He let his guard down. People were telling the truth feeling were a weakness.

"I can't believe Kishou Arima, our reaper, is on the side of the ghouls. This ghoul here, you care for them." Kishou glared at the CCG member. He could take him even without the RC cells. But what he didn't expect was to hear you scream. Kishou immediately turned around to see you on the ground. He saw that another CCG member had attacked you, making sure that you couldn't use your RC cells either.

He wanted to run towards the member who attacked you, but he was grabbed by another. They held him by his neck, and Kishou could've fought them off, but what he was told made him stop. "If you struggle, they die right in front of your eyes."

Yeah. Feelings and emotions were a weakness.

He was forced to watch you struggle to move, your body not used to not having any RC cells anymore. You were basically a normal human despite the ghoul trait to you. It was definitely causing you to have a small crisis. He saw someone step over him, noticing that the CCG member was smirking at him. They grabbed you by your chin and lifted your face up so that you and Kishou could see each other.

He saw the tears in your eyes, your body in more pain than he could imagine. Kishou was half-human, so his RC cells being taken wasn't a big deal, but it was different for you. "This is your punishment for being a two-faced rat." Kishou's eyes widened. They planned to kill you either way but wanted to take it slowly instead of having to speed it up.

Kishou immediately started struggling, much to the delight of the CCG member holding him. Kishou was wrong though. They weren't planning on killing just you. He found that out while struggling. It was easier to kill Kishou since he was still human. Getting rid of him now would mean they could get rid of a powerful force.

It was instant.

It was like nothing changed. Kishou starts gurgling. The blood was pooling up in his throat as it flowed out from the cut on his throat. He felt the grip of the CCG member loosen and he stumbled forward. He almost fell over while holding his hand to the cut.

He wondered how he looked to you. He wondered how scared and traumatized you were. But he didn't have to wonder, he heard you scream again. He instantly knew they attacked you for good. His vision was blurry, due to the fast blood loss, but he tried to reach out to you. He was dying, but he could save you couldn't he? He's done impossible things before.

He could save you with his last dying breath.

His body didn't agree. The moment he took one step, he immediately fell to the ground. His hearing was leaving him, but he could still hear the sounds of battle. What he couldn't hear was your breathing. They made sure to kill you quickly, but left him suffering. That's what he thought.

He felt a body next to his. He immediately knew it was you, but he couldn't see. He didn't even know how he got here. He must look ridiculous, he was bleeding out but all he cared for was you. He should've stuck to the fact that romance didn't work out. He put too many people in danger and with him losing himself but also you, he cursed himself for letting it get to this point.

You were looking up at the sky, or at least what you thought was the sky. Your hand was on what used to be a stomach, the CCG members had made sure to put a hole big enough through you. It was painful, but you would die faster. It felt weird, you were too used to feeling flesh, but there was nothing. Your eyes closed, and you lost your senses faster than Kishou. You didn't feel when he touched you or when he held your hand. Even he couldn't really feel it.

The universe was cruel, it gave and gave until it took. It took a massive chunk.

No one knew you two were dead on the ground. Everyone was too focused on the fighting. The ghouls felt a weird need to fight hard for some reason. Their fighting allowed them to win. The CCG members had started to retreat and the ghouls celebrated. But the celebration was cut short.

Kaneki, Touka, and Ayato went to go look for you. They wanted to congratulate you on overcoming everything you went through, but they soon realized it wasn't gonna happen.

The trio noticed you first. Kaneki had to cover his mouth so that he didn't throw up at the sight of your body. Touka wasn't bothered by how you looked, but tears were streaming down her face. Ayato wasn't as emotional as them. He was more curious about the person next to you. He crouched down and saw how Kishou looked.

It looked like he got the easier death, but he suffered by living longer than you. His eyes trailed down to your hands and sighed. The feelings you two held were finally accepted, yet accepted too late.

The war was won, but at what cost?

The next months after that, your funeral was being held. Kaneki cried loud and hard, he was on his knees the whole time and no one could lift him up. Touka cried into Ayato's arms, her emotions finally catching up to her. The rest of the ghouls mourned the loss of the One-Eyed King and Ayato? He cried with Touka, but he cried silently. After the service, you two were buried together. The reason being "They couldn't be together when alive, but they can be together eternally in death."

It's been years since you both died. Touka and Kaneki finally got together. Kaneki became the new One-Eyed King. Things were changing, but what never changed was the anniversary of your deaths and how every ghoul would mourn on that day.

Kaneki had decided to get new pets one day. He wanted cats since they could take care of themselves really without him being there. It would get lonely whenever he and Touka were doing separate things. They both spoke about how if the other isn't there, they started to think about you and Kishou.

So to cure that, pets were brought up, specifically cats. Kaneki had wanted to get cats from a shop, but he noticed two that were strays and that got his attention. One was an orange tabby, and the other was a completely white cat. He had brought them home, and even though Touka got angry, she allowed him to keep them as long as they were trained.

Kaneki quickly learned that the white cat didn't really care what happened. He's never seen the cat play with any of the cat toys bought and didn't respond to any affection. Yet, this exact same cat was always behind the orange tabby. It took a protective and possessive stance around the other cat and would hiss whenever Kaneki or Touka got close to the orange tabby.

With the cat's attitude, Kaneki and Touka settled on calling the white cat Ari, a shorter version of Arima. The cat reminded them of Kishou, and even though it brought some tough emotions, it made them happy. It felt like Kishou never left.

The orange tabby was a little shy around random humans, but once it warmed up to people, it would show exactly how chaotic it was. A couple of times, Touka saw the orange tabby run into multiple walls while trying to run away from Kaneki. Kaneki has caught the orange tabby playfully fighting with Ari, who never truly attempted to play with the other, but dealt with it.

Kaneki called the orange tabby Teapot, it reminded him of Y/n and one thing that Kaneki always remembered about Y/n is the teapot laugh they had.

So what if they both died? They obviously resurrected, and found each other again, but also found Kaneki again. That was something Kaneki would constantly tell him so many times, but it helped him grieve. It also didn't help that whenever he had that thought, the Ari and Teapot would come out of nowhere and stare at him.

They never left, and they would never leave.

[wondereads]

Weekly Reading Update (02/26/24)

Reviews and thoughts under the cut

The Odyssey by Homer, trans. Emily Wilson (6/10)

This was my first time reading the Odyssey, even though I've enjoyed Greek mythology for years. It was so interesting to see the origins of so many myths, even ones that don't technically relate to the core story of Odysseus since Homer was a huge fan of going off on tangents. This certainly does not ascribe to modern standards of storytelling, often jumping around and repeating whole passages, but it's all a result of it originally being oral poetry. It definitely didn't capture my attention like a more modern tale would, but it was still incredibly interesting when considering all the history around it.

Legendborn by Tracy Deonn (10/10)

I reread Legendborn to prepare for Bloodmarked, and I swear it just got better. There's a perfect balance of plot and character in this book, with just enough focus on the complex worldbuilding and buildup to the big plot twist and just enough on the character relationships and Bree's personality and her struggle with grief. I'd literally do anything for Bree. I know she's got two amazing love interests, who Deonn did a great job with making both totally viable options (throuple please), but she should date me. There's also a lot of time devoted to the issue of racism and how deep-seated it is, especially in the south, in blatant, slur-using ways and more subtle ways that come from even the characters we're supposed to like. Deonn weaves the social issues into her story, and they both build each other up.

Starling House by Alix E. Harrow (9/10)

I've read a few of the more recent gothic fantasies, and most of them have let me down, but not this one! I really like the atmosphere, and Harrow balances the ethereal language really well with a character voice that is more down-to-earth. Opal is a really strong main character, and her relationships are really well-developed. One thing I loved was that even if there had been no romance, I think the story would have turned out the same because Opal and her love interest have a bond that works just as well platonically. The story behind Starling House is incredibly interesting, and it's so cool that we got multiple versions. I love the fairy tale-esque children's literature influences, and the ending is satisfying. My only complaint is that sometimes the atmosphere sweeps away some of the technical details.

Stain by A. G. Howard (CR, 35%)

Another reread, I've finally gotten some other people to read it with me. I'm immensely enjoying going through this book again, and I'm really taking time with it, especially since the language is so flowery and inexact. I do feel the urge to rush forward and get to my favorite parts, but I'm forcing myself to slow down. It's so much fun to see my friends read it as well!

[docholligay]

House in Fata Morgana: Door 6.75

I have never reviewed a visual novel before, but iscahwynn made me a very generous offer and a long line of patience, knowing that we are trying something very new. To that end: Please don’t spoil me for the game at all! If you are reading this, I have only gotten through the part written above, and I don’t want to be corrected, even if I’m wrong, even if I’ve missed something, i don’t want to have anything confirmed or denied, and I don’t need any trigger warnings or extraneous explanation. Iscah would like my pure, naive experience of the game. Thank you!

Okay so I absolutely did not make it to the next door, which is frustrating for me from a scheduling standpoint, but makes sense narratively, I should have trusted that the door situation was streamlined and that’s on me. 

So, let’s first get aside all of the notes about Morgana’s life. It much the way it frustrated me with Giselle, it frustrates me that none of Morgana’s problems can be a result of her own actions, or feelings, or whatever. I feel really fucking bad for her, but in the sort of way you do a kicked dog, not a human being you feel empathy with. She acts like a fucking saint, it is very difficult to think of that sort of person as being a fully realized human. BUT, I do love that we meet with Mell and Yukimasa and Jacopo, though of course owing to the shortness of the story but, they’re all very mustache-twirling and not nearly as interesting and layered as I found their stories within their own doors. But I think that’s fair. 

Couple standout things here for me: I am not so sure that she doesn’t have some sort of power, but I also think the argument she doesn’t is completely legitimate, and I love that! I love not really knowing, certainly not every person who ever had a torturous life and horrible death gerts to wreak fucking havoc, i’m just saying. But I love that it could just be sheer faith, in both love and hate. 

The way that she cuts herself, and people love her and praise her for it, and so she comes to cherish her hurts and cuts. Loved this as an example of the ways that, in how we online socially reward sadness and brokenness with attention, contribute to this idea of cherishing our hurts. This isn’t me saying that we should never share anything that sucks online, but I think all of us are pretty aware of how responses to a creative, or happy post can be versus a post about something bad can be, and I think that can be reinforcing, and you start to see those as immutable parts of you. Anyway, send hatemail, it’s fine. 

BUT WHAT WE’RE REALLY HERE FOR. Okay so I called Michel being Michelle but I have to confess, “Michel is a trans man” (Kinda????????? I guess???????? I don’t fucking know, he says his body is male now and that was not strictly speaking possible in 1099, so unless there was magic involved or he’s being metaphorical or something here, I have no idea what’s going on) is NOT where I expected the game to go and I am sucking my TEETH with nervousness about how they’ll handle this. All of my reticence for Michel and Michelle being the same person comes out of my fear that they will handle the gender thing so so so badly, and I still absolutely feel that way. 

I am pleased, I guess, in a narrative sense, that they have Giselle respond in a reasonable and common way for a woman of her time, and honestly, all the times she’s lived in. I expected full on “Bodies don’t matter to me <3” which does annoy me in “historical” fiction. Of course it happened, but it was not all that commonplace, and it’s just something that grates me. So even if she comes around, and I suspect she will, I’m glad we got to avoid magical cool girl from 1099 Giselle. She had a reaction that feels bad and is historically plausible as shit. We love that! Gives her room to move and makes everything feel less fake. 

Also, did Michel seriously think he was never going to have to confront this KID, COME ON. For someone who has built up a shield of never trusting anyone around yourself you sure are trusting that Giselle is going to this thing that she could not reasonably have seen coming REAL FUCKIN WELL. It’s such a part of the contradiction of Michel. He’s closed off, he’s vulnerable. He’s cruel, he’s tender. He’s intelligent, he’s A FUCKING MORON. I love him! I am going to punch him in the fucking face! 

ONTO DOOR 7 FOR REAL I GUESS

[alienneingreen]

Rise Turtle Headcannons

Bunch of head cannons of the turtles.

Mikey:

When using his Mystic powers, he has a limit to how long or how big of a spell he can do, because when he uses a spell it basically "burns" him. those bright light along his arms are the burns, they heal better than a normal burn, but basically using it too much can cause a serious injury. so if he is practicing his powers he would need breaks to let his hand cool down.

He likes using his mystic powers to create glowing chains, and often uses them in his artworks.

he goes into his shell when scarred, and after the kraang, has been sleeping while in there, which may or may not cause sore limbs when he wakes up. luckily getting out of the habit tho

loves painting his brothers shells

Shellshocked ( i love the ship so much it is adorable) they will do artworks together and they always end up as absolute masterpieces.

He goes over to Draxums place once (or twice) every week to train his powers.

Leo:

he got into being the medic because he likes how they say how good he is at it.

He surprisingly likes to study it and even went as far as to pester Donnie to make him a sort of spy drone to sneak into medical schools to learn how to do certain procedures and how to treat different sicknesses. Sometimes he would use the drone and drive it into hospitals to see how it is done on an actual person with said injury or sickness.

He does stay up studying this which does not help with his insomnia at all.

also Leosagi. Those two are both dumbasses, and will get flustered over each others garbage attempts to flirt.

Is Casey Jr's father figure, (Jr accidentally called him dad, he was very sleepy, and Leo just went with it)

Despite Warren and Hypno being his enemies, he went over to them for sexuality advice (they were the only openly gay people he knew of at the time) and they were surprisingly nice and gave him good advice. (he once saw them at a pride parade, it was cool tho)

Ftm trans

He still will dress up in anything (he slays in dresses).

although his fashion sense is terrible and his brothers (Donnie and Mikey) and April help him choose clothes.

Donnie:

He can breathe underwater like normal softshells, but the oxygen is absorbed in the throat instead, so he has to either swallow the water or breathe it into his lungs ( it doesn't hurt the lungs in any way, though he will have to cough it up afterwards)

it is more of a last resort tho as transitioning between water and air is uncomfortable

breathing water doesn't get him enough oxygen for the body, so like softshells he has to come up for air at some point.

hates people touching his shell (even more after the invasion), but it is ok if it is his brothers shielding him.

his friendship with cassandra is like :

Don: how far do you think you can throw me Cass: want to find out!!! Don: scoff of course you dum dum Cass *throws donnie Don: AAAAA. ow Cass YEAAAA, how far this time don! Don: *checking his arm computer thing. 6.28 meters Cass: and how much was last time Don:4.48 meters Cass: which means I improved by Don: 1.8 meters!!! Cass: HELL YEAAAHHH!!!

has used his tranquiliser on Leo because Raph said that whoever gets Leo to sleep gets $20

has the most human looking body figure (because of his shell) out of his brothers.

trying to be a good dad to Shelldon, and spent more time with him. (please i need a thing with Donnie and Shelldon having a father son bonding experience without the angst plss)

Raph:

he obviously has a plushie collection. (he loves the softness)

His right eye is stuffed up from the kraang and is partially blind in it

When out on his solo mission, he calls his brothers every 15 min or so, (this poor mans separation anxiety is killing him)

Shares the "leader" role with Leo

most likely gets a tattoo when he is older, it will glow like his brothers markings.

Can crush watermelons with his bit, it was Donnie's idea and really wanted to know if Raph could do it.

he helped splinter parent his brothers (you know all the tots in general were destructive menaces, and splinter was constantly tired trying to stop them from hurting themselves on accident) and as he grew more independent he took the parenting role more (and let splinter rest) (splinter isn't a terrible parent, just really tired and depressed)

he is a growing hungry boi, he will eat anything mikey cooks (mostly because he cares about his littlest bro and want him to feel good about what he makes, secondly because he is growing, a lot. boi is tall af)

tried making his own plushies (with the help of mikey) and knows a bit of knitting or sowing (it's not the best but he is learning)

also, a headcannon of all the bros is that they are all holding eachother back from becoming villans or committing too much crime.

[scorchedhearth]

imma hit you with a question myself RN!!

I think you mentioned an oc that you thought of and created more as not a part of a story or a narrative but more of as something to reflect yourself onto. I would love to hear more about them<333

also also tell me about Trent and him being pyromaniac!!! i think you mentioned that he's trans so do those two things like connect to each other in any way???

rye thank U!! mwAH xo

alright so. the oc ur thinking of that i mentioned in the post ended up way too clear of a mirror for me to comfortably talk about him in public but, in the meantime, seeing just how fun those kinds of meaningless ocs are, another crept up on me and she is SO fun u have no idea.

she's basically a frankeinstein monster of all the tropes i think are cool as hell, she's a knight turned rogue-slash-mercenary, she's covered head to toe in armor and the rare time she loses the helmet the armor still comes up to her chin and she's ugly, disfigured by a tough life and many battle-earned scars (no pretty face hidden under a helmet here, and she's in her late forties), she's in the possession of a sentient weapon that is craving blood and violence and is always in a frenzied state of rage like no being in the universe could and she uses it to draw blood for her own revenge, she's what i wish all those 'please kill me' scenes in media ended with: while held captive with her brother, he begged her to kill him before they could and she did and they stopped her from killing herself and so now she has to live knowing she took her own blood's life and she's left alone in the world feeling so guilty she did as she was asked to.

also, she exists in a schodinger's cat state of both being a high fantasy rogue knight AND a sci-fi rogue soldier where her weapon is both a big sword and a cool gun and her armor is both a knight's armor and a space suit and her ride is both a big horse and a derelict bike. and she wants revenge on an old flame (obsessive love she swore fidelity to decades ago) who directly caused her brother's death. she's so gruff and mean and exhausted by life itself and still she clings and keeps on going out of spite and honor. she's great <3

as for trent, yeah!! they do, and in a major way! trent was at first conceived many years ago as part of an x-men-like plot with super-powered kids and his big discovery of firepowers was linked to coming out to his parents and blowing up the whole family home when it went wrong out of grief and anger. now as a very normal guy, they're still linked for me.

he started feeling something was wrong in his late childhood but had no way to word or understand what was happening to him, and his background in a struggling family with many siblings meant that he couldn't come out with what was wrong with him, be it being trans or any other problems young kids have (issues at school where he had troubles learning, for example) because they were more important issues at hand than his own, so he internalized things a lot and when it eventually came to a breaking point for him, he used fire to bleed out the wounds. pyromania is an impulse control disorder, arsonists set things on fire for a reason (glory, money, revenge, etc) where the distinction here is made is that pyromaniacs use fire as a way to release stress or soothe themselves, which is exactly what trent did, and still does.

trent is characterized by being withdrawn and intense, and so fire is the one instance where he lets things out. he cannot verbalize things well, nor can he confront or work things out on his own, so when the frustration boils over (because he is hot-headed and opinionated, despite his quiet behavior) he gets the urge to set things on fire. it was harder to deal with it as a teen with his family around, and with little to no control over his life, but as an adult now he can go burn things whenever he needs to. he never saw a psychiatrist for it, doesn't think there's something wrong with him for that, he only got caught once as a teen and passed it off as a dare he did with friends, he doesn't know how many wider fire he caused because of his activity but it happened more than once when burning bigger fire. i somehow always conceptualize his relationship with fire and gender to be linked, both because that's how i first came up with the character but also it feels right, that trent hides his identity as best as he can but it always catches up with him, the idea of burning bridges with his family is a strong one with him, as is the contained fire ready to spread if the glass is broken

[catgirl-kaiju]

There is no egg to crack I am begging you to just let gnc men be gnc. Even if the specific example is a cis man this shit makes it harder for trans men to be gnc because we keep seeing "if you act like a girl then you're a girl"

Okay, I already responded to this in this ask, but here we go again.

I actually prefer this version of the post where people are pointing out that he’s almost definitely not an egg because of the context and, frankly, I agree and think this version is much funnier.

I can see people getting mad at folks that make egg jokes that misgender him by using she/her pronouns. It’s not cool to use pronouns that someone hasn’t declared that they use, but I never did that. I have past moments when I did do that, but that’s not something I would ever do now.

I think people are fundamentally (either in good faith or in bad faith) misunderstanding how egg jokes work. They aren’t a serious assertion that someone is absolutely definitely trans, they’re a joke about the experiences of trans people and recognizing patterns of behavior that are relatable to trans people who have been in the closet (knowingly and/or unknowingly) before. It’s also not a binary assertion; no one is saying anyone is a girl for wearing a dress and makeup. It’s about “hm, based on my own experiences as a trans person and what I know about the experiences of other trans people around me, there might be a bit more to this person’s gender than they realize.” not “Oh this person is a GIRL but doesn’t know it!”

And, from what I’ve read, F1NN5TER actually has a very friendly repertoire with his trans fans that make teasing egg jokes at him, so these people getting angry seem to be doing so on behalf of someone who would be fine with these kinds of jokes. It seems to me that they are asserting that they “know this stranger on the internet better than they know themselves” by getting up in arms over this.

Also, in general, I’ve noticed this as a trend where mostly masc people will jump down the throats of mostly transfem people for making egg jokes, and in some cases harass us. This is not the first time I’ve experienced this, and I’m getting exhausted by it. What exactly is wrong with suggesting someone might not be cis? What is wrong with being trans? There are certain contexts where this is absolutely inappropriate,

(as an example, conservatives asserting that a woman is hiding that she’s a secret trans woman [mostly due to racist reasons] and misgendering her as a misogynist attack. See Alex Jones at Michelle Obama)

but egg jokes and egg spotting just aren’t the same as that, and it’s so obvious to me that I don’t know how people don’t understand that.

At the end of the day, this all kinda feels more than a little transmisogynistic with how many targets of this vitriol are transfem. And I wish it would stop. I’m so tired. I’m so tired of this.

Oh, btw, in case it wasn’t clear: GNC men exist and are valid and so powerful regardless of if they’re trans or cis. All respect to GNC dudes.

But, again, please stop harassing trans women over this oh my god

[mybrotherinkarkat]

Lanque Bombyx and the Perils of Transmasculine Representation

I remember when Lanque was first announced as a character for Hiveswap Friendsim, and confirmed by the writers to be a trans man. I was so excited. There had been nonbinary characters in Homestuck for a while already, but as cool as that was, I had been really wanting there to be a canon trans guy. I wanted to see myself represented. So even after my interest in Homestuck had waned, I bought and played Lanque’s Friendsim

To call it a let down would be the understatement of the century

I’m gonna stop here and give a disclaimer. I know the writer got a lot of hate and harassment when this first came out, so I want to make it clear that while I have a lot of negative things to say here, none of this should be taken as justification to harass anyone involved in the creation of this character or his Friendsim. I’m not even going to say that I think V did any of this intentionally or with malice, it’s equally possible that the issues come from a lack of awareness. Thoughtful media criticism is important, but please don’t harass anyone in my name, or in the name of trans guys generally 

Also, if you’re one of those people who thinks trans men aren’t “really” oppressed, don’t read this. I don’t want to have to deal with your whining when you inevitably don’t like what I have to say

TW for discussion of sexual harassment and assault

So let’s break this down. There are three routes you can play, each with a different ending: valid, chittr mutuals, and shamed 2 death. The valid route has a completely different characterization of Lanque than the other two, and which characterization you get is dependent upon how you answer a question at the beginning about whether or not you’re old/mature enough to handle a party with adult/sexual/“problematic” themes

If you say no, you get the version I call uwu softboy Lanque. He wears makeup and a flower crown, writes poetry, and is in touch with his emotions. This route gets you an ending where you don’t really befriend Lanque at all, you just strengthen your friendship with Lynera. If you say yes, you get the version I call fuckboy Lanque. He’s mean, overtly sexual, and tries to pressure you into doing drugs and having sex. There are two endings you can get with him. Either you alert Bronya to where you and Lanque are hiding, and therefore don’t end up having sex with him, or you don’t alert her and you do have sex. If you alert her, you and Lanque become chittr mutuals, though it’s implied that this is only so that you can hook up later. If you don’t, there’s a fade to black sex scene and then Lanque calls you a bad lay and leaves you to die of embarrassment 

So what’s the problem here? The problem is that both versions of Lanque play into harmful stereotypes about trans men. The uwu softboy trans guy trope is basically the portrayal of trans men as always small, feminine, and young. This is employed to either infantilize us and therefore strip us of our autonomy (think “young girls are being coerced into transition”) or to portray us as ~evil men~ trying to make ourselves seem less ~evil~ by *checks notes* being gnc. Or both, depending on what’s more politically convenient in a certain situation. For example, in Abigail Shrier’s book Irreversible Damage trans guys are positioned as both the young “girls” being coerced into transitioning and the evil men doing the coercing

The latter use of the softboy trope, the one where we’re supposedly using it to hide our true nature as ~evil men~ is often combined with the idea that trans men are inherently dangerous and predatory by virtue of being men. This is usually employed by either people who call themselves trans-inclusive feminists but haven’t gotten past the idea that feminism means “men bad, women good”, or by TERFs who don’t care that they’re being contradictory. It relies on a form of gender essentialism that, instead of being about  “biological sex” is about a supposed internal gender essence (think “trans men are men because they have male brains”). This trope is used to demonize and dehumanize trans men, and portray us as not needing sympathy or protection. It’s also usually paired with the idea that trans men gain systemic male privilege by transitioning (spoiler: we don’t). This combination of tropes has unfortunately proved to be pretty effective at getting cis women who are otherwise trans-inclusive to turn their backs on trans men

There’s also a racial element here, as Black trans men are typically seen as inherently aggressive due to racism, so the softboy framing is almost exclusively leveled at white trans men. Under white supremacist patriarchy, race and gender are inextricably linked. I’m writing this from the perspective of a white trans man, so there may be nuances I’m missing. Just please remember that there’s no one single trans male experience, and intersecting identities play a role in how bigotry impacts trans men

I also want to stop to talk about the sexual harassment and coercion aspect. I’m not going to speculate on whether or not V intended to portray Lanque as a sexual predator. I can’t know what’s in her head, and frankly it’s not important. Because of the general lack of education around consent in our culture, many people don’t really understand how sexual coercion works or what it looks like, and coercion being presented as normal and fine is unfortunately very common in media. I personally read the way Lanque pressures the player into sex as either sexual harassment (if you alert Bronya) or coercion (if you don’t). While I’m not going to say there are no trans men who are sexual predators, the fact is that trans men are extremely likely to be the victims of sexual violence. According to a study in 2015, roughly half of all trans men have been sexually assaulted, a fact that is rarely talked about and frequently swept under the rug. I’ve personally never seen a media representation of a trans man that dealt with that topic outside of Boys Don’t Cry (and that very emphatically did not handle it well. It was exploitative). So my issue with Lanque being written as sexually predatory isn’t just that I didn’t like it. There’s a real systemic issue with sexual violence towards trans men being ignored and silenced in favor of pretending that trans men are the real danger, and this version of Lanque plays right into it

However, when I first played Lanque’s Friendsim, I couldn’t articulate any of this. I couldn’t really put into words why it hurt so bad. And it did hurt. I went into this excited to see a character who’s like me show up in a franchise that had played a big part in my adolescence, but by the end of it I just felt awful. It wasn’t just that I didn’t like it, playing it made me feel bad about myself. I was ashamed of myself for getting so excited only to be let down. Being angry and not being able to put into words why I was angry only added to that shame. I didn’t want to be associated with Lanque. I didn’t want people to look at either version of him and think that I was like that, or that he was representative of me and my community. I felt betrayed. I also felt like I couldn’t even try to talk about it without being lumped in with the people who were harassing the writer

At the time, the only legible criticism I could articulate was that it was really annoying that they had Lanque take off his shirt and didn’t give him either a binder or top surgery scars. While it’s absolutely possible to be a trans guy with neither, it felt like a deliberate choice had been made to not give him any visible indicators of transness on top of his transness not being mentioned. I get not wanting to make a huge deal out of it, to write him as a trans character whose transness isn’t the focus of the story. But you can do that and also draw Lanque in a binder or with scars. Just have both Lanque and the player treat it like it’s completely normal, or even not acknowledge it at all. That’s a smaller issue, but that’s my advice to cis writers: you can have a character’s transness not be the focus without all but erasing it

Because of all this, I was pretty hesitant when I heard that Hiveswap part two had been released, and that Lanque was in it. I’d been burned before, but I had to know, so I read his wiki and watched a playthrough of his portion of the game. I’m glad I did, because I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked it

(Spoiler alert for Hiveswap part two)

While he’s not explicitly called trans, the way him being a male jadeblood was portrayed was almost painfully relatable to me as a trans guy. The scorn, objectification, intrusive questioning, and thoughtless dismissal of his identity were all spot on, in my opinion. I also really liked that his actions felt realistic to what a trans man might have to do under an oppressive system like that. Framing Lynera and/or pushing Joey off the train if she figures him out are ~problematic~, sure, but his other options are to either permanently closet himself or get killed for his identity. And when you combine that with the ruthless nature of Alternian society, it makes sense for his character. After the disaster of his Friendsim, it was refreshing to see a trans guy who didn’t feel like three bigoted stereotypes in a trenchcoat 

I honestly think Lanque makes a pretty good case study for the dos and don’ts of writing a trans guy. And his characterization in Hiveswap is a great example of how to make him morally grey without dehumanizing real life trans men in the process

Obligatory reminder that I’m just one trans guy and my opinion is my own. If you’re a trans guy who sees this differently, that’s fine. If you’re a cis person who sees this differently or thinks I’m wrong or overreacting, no offense but I don’t care even the slightest bit and will block you if you try to start shit on this post