#also my impulses and emotions feel so dark to me sometimes. it is absolutely 100% not internal sunshine all the time

[itspileofgoodthings]

i want to get to a place where I can rest easily in my choices and my knowledge and my skin and I feel so close but I am 100% not there yet

[feanorianethicsdepartment]

Alright, I read your recent post and need to know - what is your interpretation of Maglor’s relationship with the twins?

askjdhslkjag my biggest self-inflicted problem in this fandom is that my take on maglor, elrond, and elros' relationship is so intensely detailed and specific i am forever tormented by none of the fic i read ever quite getting it right (from my perspective; i’ve read plenty of fic that presents a good interpretation on their own terms, it’s just never mine.) it’s simultaneously way darker than the fluffy kidnap dads stuff and nowhere near as black-and-white awful as the anti-fëanorian crowd likes to paint it, it’s messy and complicated and surrounded by darkness, and yet there’s also a sincere connection within it which mostly serves to make all those complications worse. angry teenage elrond is angry for a great many reasons, and the circumstances around him being raised by kinslayers account for at least half of them. there’s lots of complexity here, and i don’t see it in fic nearly as often as i’d like

(warning: the post... feathers? i already have an internet friend called faeiri this could be awkward - anyway, the post she’s talking about includes the line ‘everyone is wrong about kidnap dads except me.’ this post follows on from that in being as much a commentary about why various popular interpretations of both how the kidnapdoption went and the way people subsequently characterise the twins just don’t work for me as it is a setting out of my own ideas. i’m not really interested in getting into discourse here, i’m just trying to get my thoughts down. i’ve read fic with these interpretations before that i’ve liked, even, don’t take this as a Condemnation, aight? also this turned out long as hell, so i’m putting it under a cut)

i can never buy entirely fluffy depictions of kidnap dads

which isn’t to say i don’t read them! sometimes all i want is something sweet, for these kids to get to be happy for once. it’s not like i think their time with the fëanorians was completely devoid of laughter

it’s just. the pet names, the special days out, the home-cooked meals, it can get so treacly it stops feeling like the characters they are in the situation they’re in and turns into Generic Found Family #272

it soaks out all the complexity - which is the thing i am here for - and acts like oh, these kids were never in any danger, they were perfectly happy being abducted by the people who murdered everyone they knew, there’s nothing possibly questionable about this relationship at all

and... yeah. that’s not the characters i know. that’s not the context i know they belong to

i just can’t forget the circumstances that led them to meet

rivers of blood, the air filled with screams, a town ablaze, a woman choosing to die. every interaction the three of them have is going to proceed from that nightmare

(sidenote: i tend to hold it was maglor that raised the twins, with maedhros looming ominously in the background not really getting involved. it’s mostly personal preference, i’ve been in and out of the fandom since before this kidnap dads thing blew up and when i joined that was a perfectly standard reading)

(also the cave thing was a dumb idea, old man, if only because it implies beleriand had streams safe enough for children to play in at that point. the way it separates the twins from the third kinslaying is also something i don’t particularly vibe with)

probably my least favourite angle i’ve seen on the situation (edged out only by ‘maglor was actively abusive towards the twins’ which no no no no no no no no NO) is the idea that maglor (and/or maedhros, append as necessary) took the twins specifically to raise them

like, i get where it’s coming from, but it makes maglor come off as really creepy

(i have read fics where it is indeed played off as really creepy, but that’s not a maglor i have any interest in reading about)

(’mags 100% bad’ is just as facile a take to me as ‘mags 100% good’)

even if you’re saying maglor took them in because they had no one left to take care of them - i highly doubt they were the only children the fëanorians orphaned at sirion. idk, it always makes maglor seem much less sympathetic than i think it’s meant to

i prefer to think of it as more... organic? something that evolved, not something that was preordained. them growing closer gradually, the twins finding an adult who might maybe be on their side, maglor becoming invested in them almost by accident

and then the twins are so comfortable with the second scariest monster in amon ereb they frequently sass him off and maglor’s gotten so used to not hurting them he’s not even thinking about it any more. no one’s quite sure how it happened, but they’ve made a Connection

‘wait aren’t they a murderous warlord of questionable mental stability and a pair of terrified small children who’ve lost everyone they ever knew? isn’t that kinda fucked up?’ yup! that’s the point! complexity!

another idea i don’t like is the idea that maglor was an objectively better parent to the twins than eärendil or elwing

other people have talked about this already, i won’t rehash the whole thing. i will say that while i don’t think elwing was a perfect parent - someone so young, in such a horrible situation, i wouldn’t blame her for screwing up - i do think she (and eärendil) did the best by them they possibly could

this is one of the few things they have in common with maglor

something i come across now and again is the idea that sure, elwing and eärendil weren’t abusive or horrible or anything, but they were a couple of basically-teenagers with so many other responsibilities, there was only so much they could do. maglor, on the other hand, is an experienced adult who could take much better care of the twins

and...

first off, it’s not like mags doesn’t have a job. he’s a warlord, he has a fortress to help run, military shit to handle, lots of other stuff that needs to get done to stop everyone from starving or getting eaten by orcs. i feel like sirion had enough of a government there was plenty of opportunity for elwing to take days off and play with her kids, but in the fëanorian camp nobody really has the time to chase after a couple of toddlers, least of all one of the last points on the command network. they just don’t have the people any more

(seriously, the twins getting a formal education with tutors and classes and shit is a weirdly specific pet peeve of mine. this is a band of renegades, not a royal household; if there’s anyone left with those kinds of skills they almost certainly have more important things to do)

more than that, though - well, a quick glance through my late stage fëanorians tag should tell you a lot about what i think maglor’s mental state is like at this point. he is so accustomed to violence death means nothing to him, he’s lost most of his capacity for genuinely positive emotion to an endless century of defeat and despair, he hates everything in the universe, especially himself, he’s only able to keep functioning through a truly astounding amount of denial, and he covers it all up with a layer of snark and feigned apathy, which he defends aggressively because he’s subconsciously realised that if it breaks he’ll have absolutely nothing left

(maedhros, for the record, is... i’d say more stable, but at a lower point. maglor may interact with the world mostly through cold stares and mocking laughter, but at least his mind is firmly rooted in the present)

(on the other hand, at least maedhros lets himself be aware of what they are and where their road will lead)

which... this doesn’t mean maglor doesn’t try to be kind to the twins, or rein in his worst impulses around them

there’s just so little of him left but the weapon

he stalks through the halls like a portent of death and gets into hours-long screaming matches with maedhros and has definitely killed people in front of the twins

not even as, like, a deliberate attempt to scare them, but because when you solve most of your problems by stabbing them it’s pretty much a given that people who spend a lot of time around you are going to see you do it at least once

and sometimes, he curls up in an empty hallway, and weeps

... suffice it to say i don’t think elwing’s the more preoccupied, or the less mentally ill, parent here

just. in general, the fëanorians aren’t cackling boogeymen, but they’re not particularly nice either

no one has the energy left for that. not these isolated and weary soldiers at the end of a long losing war and the beginning of the end of the world. they don’t really bother to guard the kids against them escaping. where else are they going to go?

the sheer despair that must have been in the fëanorian camp after sirion, the knowledge that the cause cannot be fulfilled, that they are utterly forsaken, that they’re really just waiting to die -

it can’t have been a happy place to grow up in, under the shadow of loss and grief and deeds unrepentable, and the slow march of inevitable defeat

they would have had a better childhood if they stayed in sirion, raised by people who knew how to hope

but that isn’t the childhood they had. and despite everything i’ve said, i don’t think that childhood was an entirely awful one

yeah, see, this is where the other side of my self-inflicted fandom catch-22 comes in. just as much of the pro-kidnap dads stuff comes off as overly saccharine and simplified to me, i find much of the anti-kidnap dads stuff equally simplistic in the opposite direction

the idea that maglor and the fëanorians never meant anything to elros and elrond, that they had no effect on the people they became at all, that it was just a horrible thing that happened when they were children, easily thrown in the rear-view mirror...

that’s even more impossible to me than the idea that life with the fëanorians was 100% fluffy and nice

like, i’ve seen the take that elros and elrond hated the fëanorians from start to finish. they were perfect little sindarin princes, loyal to their people and the memory of doriath, spurning every scrap of kindness offered to them and knowing just what to say to twist the knife into the kinslayers’ wounds

... dude. they were six. hell, given their peredhelness, mentally they could easily have been younger

what six year old has a firm grasp of their ethnic identity? what six year old is fully aware of their place in history? what six year old would understand the politics that led to their situation?

don’t get me wrong, i can see hatred in there. but something else that doesn’t get acknowledged alongside it often enough is the fear

some of the stuff i’ve read feels like it gives the kids too much power in the situation. they’re perfectly happy to talk back to and belittle the people who burned down their hometown and killed everyone they ever knew, like miniature adults who don’t feel threatened at all

and, like, six. i can see them going for insults as a defensive measure, but it is defensive. it’s covering up fear, not coming from secure disdain

(and a lot of those insults sound, again, like things an adult who’s already familiar with the fëanorians would say, not a scared child who’s lost almost everything. why would a six year old raised by sindar and gondolindrim know what the noldolantë is, let alone what it means to maglor?)

(... i’m just ranting about this one fic that’s been ruffling my feathers for five years straight now, aren’t i)

i mean, i write elrond as the world’s angriest teenager, who snipes at maglor pretty much constantly, but the thing about angry teenage elrond is that he’s angry teenage elrond

he’s spent long enough with the fëanorians he has a pretty secure position within the camp, and he knows that maglor won’t hurt him from a decade and change of maglor not, in fact, hurting him

but as a small and terrified child abducted by the monsters his mother had nightmares about? he fluctuated wildly between ‘randomly guessing at things to say that wouldn’t get him killed’ ‘screaming at maglor to go away in words rarely more complicated than that’ 'desperately trying not to do or say anything in the hopes of not being noticed’ and ‘hiding’

(and i don’t think the twins were never in any danger from the fëanorians, either. quite besides the point that before they started orbiting maglor nobody was really sure what to do with them... well, they wouldn’t be the first children of thingol’s line the minions took revenge on)

(fortunately for them, maglor did, in fact, take them under his wing. by this point even their own followers are shit scared of the last two sons of fëanor, nobody’s going to mess with their stuff and risk getting mauled. tactically, it was a pretty good decision for a couple of toddlers)

more to the point, i feel like a child that young, in a situation that horrible, wouldn’t reject any kindness they were offered, any soothing touch in a universe of terror

in a world full of big scary monsters, the best way to survive is to get the biggest scariest monster possible to protect you. that’s how elros rationalises it when they’re, like, eight, mentally, but at the time they were just latching on to the only person around them who seemed to care about them

that’s how it started, on their end. two very young very scared children lost in a neverending nightmare clinging tightly to the lone outstretched pair of hands

as for maglor...

i’ve called mags evil before, but i see that as more of a... technical term? he is evil because he did the murder, he remains evil because he won’t stop doing the murder. hot take: murder bad

but that doesn’t make him, like, a moustache-twirling saturday morning cartoon villain. he is deeply unhappy with the position he’s in and the person he’s become, and he’s always trying not to take that final step over the edge

it’s not that i can’t see a maglor who is abusive or manipulative or who sees the twins more as objects than people. it’s just that that characterisation is one i am profoundly uninterested in. i do occasionally read fic with it, but it never enters my own headcanons

horrible people can do good things!! kinslayers can do good things!! the fallen are capable of humanity!! people can do both good and evil things at the same time, because people are complicated!! maglor is not psychologically incapable of actually taking pity on these kids!!!!

it’s... again, complexity. the fëanorians straddle the line between black and white, which is a lot less sharp in the legendarium than it’s sometimes characterised as. it’s what draws me to their characters so much, why i have so many stupid headcanons about them. pretending they fall firmly on either side of the line is my real fandom pet peeve

and, like, this moment? this sincere connection between a bloodstained warlord and two children who will grow up to be great and kind in equal measure? i may not entirely like the direction the fandom’s taken it recently, but that beat, that relationship, it still gets me

so no, i don’t think elrond and elros’ years with the fëanorians were an endless cavalcade of abuse and misery. i think there was love there, despite the darkness all around them

an old, tired monster, and the two tiny children it protects

maglor never hurts the twins, not ever, not once. his claws are sharp and his fangs are keen, if he so much as swatted them he’d rip them in half. instead he folds down the razor edges of his being, interacting with them ever so carefully. he has nightmares of suddenly tearing into their skin

seriously, the power differential between them is so great, maglor so much as raising his voice would break any trust they have in this horribly dangerous creature. fics where he does corporal punishment always get the side-eye from me

the mood of their relationship is... i find it hard to put into words. melancholy, maybe, like a sunny afternoon a few days before the end of the world. three people who’ve lost so much finding what respite they can in each other as the world slowly crumbles around them

there are times when it feels like the three of them exist in a world of their own, marked out by the edges of the firelight. maglor telling stories of the stars, elros giving relaxed irreverent commentary, elrond getting a few moments to just be, all their troubles kept at bay

they are the last two lights in a world sunk into darkness, the last two living beings he does not on some level hate. he will tear his own heart out before he sees them in pain

he teaches them to ride, he teaches them to read, he gives them everything he still has left. the twins should never have been in this situation, maglor probably isn’t entirely fit to take care of them, but it is what it is, and they take what love they can

(maglor depends on the twins emotionally a bit more than any adult should rely on any child. he’s still very much the caretaker in their relationship, but that relationship is the only one he has left that’s not stained by a century of rage and grief. he’s obsessed with them, maedhros tells him frequently. maglor’s standard response to this is to try to gouge maedhros’ eyes out)

(that particular darker side to their relationship, where maglor’s attachment to the twins turns into a desperate possessiveness - that’s not something i think i’ve ever seen in fic. which is a shame, it feels much closer to my own characterisation than the standard ways this relationship gets maleficised. darker, in a different way than usual. horribly compelling in its plausibility)

however you want to read it, i don’t think you can deny this is a relationship that defines elrond and elros’ childhood. they were raised in the woods by a pack of kinslayers, the text is quite clear on this

but i’ve seen a lot of talk about how elros and elrond are only sirion’s children. they are completely 100% sindarin, they love and forgive eärendil and elwing thoroughly and without question, they identify with doriath over - even gondolin, let alone tirion. the fëanorians - the people who raised them - had zero effect on the people they grew into and the selves they created

and that, more than anything else, i find utterly unbelievable

look, i get what this is a reaction to. a lot of the kidnap dads stuff paints the fëanorians as elrond and elros’ ‘real’ family, and i’ve already talked about what i think of the idea that maglor-and-possibly-also-maedhros were better parents than eärendil and elwing. i think it’s reductive and overly optimistic and just a little too neat

but to say instead that elrond and elros held no great love in their hearts for maglor, no lingering affinity with the fëanorians, no influence on their identity from the people they grew up around, none at all? that after it happened they just left it behind and resumed being the same people they were in sirion?

that strikes me as just as much an oversimplification. it sands down all the potential rough edges of their identity, all that inconvenient complexity that stops them from fitting into any well-defined box, and replaces it with a nice safe simple self-conception i find just as flat and boring as declaring them 100% fëanorian

we can quibble over who they call ‘father’ (i personally find that whole debate kinda petty) but denying that it was actually maglor who was the closest thing they knew to a parent for most of their childhoods, and that that would, in fact, affect the way they thought of themselves and their family, elides so many interesting possibilities out of existence

(i’m not even going to get into the most braindead take i have ever heard on the subject, namely that because their time with the fëanorians was such a small fraction of elrond’s total lifespan it was like being kidnapped for two weeks as a toddler and had no greater significance than that. do you not understand what childhood is????)

like, i tend to think of elrond as a child as being very loudly not-a-fëanorian. elros is more willing to go with the flow - hey, if the creepy kinslayer wants kids, elros is happy to play into that in order to not be murdered - but elrond is very firm that he’s not happy to be here and he doesn’t belong with them

(this is after they get over their initial terror, of course, when they’ve realised they won’t be fed to the orcs for the tiniest slight. even so, elrond only really gets shirty about it around people he’s comfortable with, whose reactions he can reasonably guess at. naturally, the first person he does it to is maglor)

elros calls maglor their father exactly once, when they’re... maybe early preteens? this is because elrond hears him do it and immediately loses his shit. they have a dad, elrond says, in tears, and a mum, and any day now their real parents are going to come to pick them up and take them home

... right?

it gets harder to believe as the years roll on, as their memories of sirion fade, as they find their own places within the host, as maglor watches over them as they grow. elrond still mentally sets himself apart from the fëanorians, but it’s more of an effort every year. life in the fëanorian camp is the only one he’s ever really known. he can barely remember his mother’s voice

then the war of wrath starts, and the fëanorian host drifts closer to the army of valinor, and the twins come into contact with non-fëanorians for the first time in forever, and it becomes clear just how obviously fëanorian elrond is. he always insisted he wasn’t like the kinslayers at all, but he dresses like them, talks like them, fights like them

the myth cycles the edain tell are almost completely unfamiliar to him, he barely remembers the shape of the songs of lost doriath. even these sarcastic commentary and subversive reinterpretations he made of maglor’s stories - those were still maglor’s stories! he’s been trying to guess at the person he was meant to be, but it’s growing nightmarishly blatant how little elrond ever knew about him

instead, the people he was born to are as alien to him as the orcs of morgoth. he is a fëanorian, through and through

... yeah, elrond (and/or elros) having an absolutely massive identity crisis upon being reintroduced to his quote-unquote ‘true kin’ is another angle i’d love to see in fic that i don’t think i’ve ever come across. all those potential grey areas around who they are and who they’re supposed to be sound utterly fascinating, and i think it’s the complexity i hate to see elided over the most

i really, really doubt they could effortlessly slot back into being eärendil and elwing’s children. not when they’ve been surrounded by, lived alongside, been raised by the people who were supposed to enemies for most of their lives

they just don’t fit into that box any more. they can’t

speaking of eärendil and elwing, while i do agree that they both (especially elwing) get a lot more flak than they deserve, i don’t agree that therefore elrond and elros were never the slightest bit mad at them and fully forgave them for everything with no reservations

because, well, they were left behind. elwing had no other choice, but they were still left behind; it led to the world being saved, but they were still left behind. all the best intentions in the universe don’t erase the weeks and months and years of waiting, of a hope that grew thinner and frailer until it finally quietly broke

that’s a real hurt, and a real grievance. even if the twins rationally understand that their parents were making the best out of their terrible situation, you can’t logic away emotions like that. it’s perfectly possible for them to know they have no reason to resent eärendil or elwing, and yet still harbour that bitterness and pain

(i did write a thing once where elrond loudly rejects eärendil as his father in favour of maglor, but something i didn’t add in that i probably should have is that elrond later regretted doing that)

(not like, several centuries later, when he’d grown old and wise. two hours later, when he’d calmed down. but he was still legitimately angry at eärendil, because the one thing angry teenage elrond was not lacking in was reasons to be mad at the adults around him, and before he could figure out if he had anything less furious to say the hosts of the valar left middle-earth behind)

(it’s another element to the tragedy of the whole thing. in that particular story, which is mostly aiming for maximum pain, the only thing elrond’s birth parents know about their son for thousands of years is that he hates them)

(and he doesn’t, not really. you can’t hate someone you’ve never known)

not that i think they couldn’t ever make up with their parents! fics where elrond and his birth parents work past all the things that lie between them and form a functional familial bond despite it all give me life. i just don’t like the idea that there’s nothing difficult for them to work past

i don’t like the idea that elrond and elros would naturally, effortlessly identify with the mother they last saw when they were six and the people they only vaguely remember. i can see them doing it as a political move, i can see them going for it as a deliberate personal choice, but i can’t seeing it being immediate and automatic and easy

no matter how great a pair of heroes eärendil and elwing are, that doesn’t change the fact that to elrond and elros, they’re at most a few scattered memories and a collection of far-off stories. and so long as the twins stay in middle-earth, they’re never going to draw any closer

compared to the dynamic, multifaceted, personal, and deep bonds they have with the fëanorians - who, and i know i keep saying this but i think it gets tossed aside way more casually than it should, are the people who actually raised them, their birth parents must feel like a distant idea

and that’s why i can never buy interpretations of elrond as 100% sindarin, a pure son of doriath, with no messy grey areas or awkward jagged edges to his identity. given everything we know about his life, it seems almost cartoonishly simplistic

honestly it seems like a narrative a bunch of old doriathrin nobles trying to manouevre elrond into being high king of the sindar or something would propagate. it's neat and nice and tidy, something that’d be much more convenient for everyone if elrond did feel that way

but i just don’t see how he can. this narrative is easy and simple in a way real people never are, it ignores all the forces pulling him apart. elrond being uncomplicatedly sindarin with the life he lives and the people he's close to - that doesn’t make any sense to me

which isn’t to say i think he’s 100% noldorin, from either a gondolindrim or a fëanorian perspective. (i find it a little more believable, given, again, who he grew up around and who he hangs out with, but it’s still a bit too reductive for my tastes.) it’s also not to say i couldn’t believe an elrond who made an active choice to emphasise his sindarin heritage

it’s not how i think of him, but it works. i don’t have a problem with other people interpreting the complexities of the twins’ identities differently

i just have a problem with people acting like it doesn’t exist

in general i think there’s a lot untapped potential that gets left behind when you declare the twins, separately or together, as All One Thing

they’re descended from half the noble houses of beleriand, and they have deep personal ties to most of the rest. they belong to all of the free peoples even the dwarves, somehow, probably and i feel like that was kind of the old man’s point? so many peoples meet in them, to say they wholly belong to any one species is probably an oversimplification

they sit at a crossroads of potential identities, and rather than narrowing down their worldviews to one single path, they take the hard road and choose all of them. that’s what you need to do, if you want to change the world

and, to bring this back to my ostensible topic, in my estimation at least this mélange of possible selves does include them as fëanorians! it’s not overpowering, but it’s certainly there, and the adults they grow into long after they’ve left the host still bear influence from their childhood

nothing super obvious, nothing that wouldn’t stand out if you didn’t know what to look for, but there’s something almost incandescent in how fiercely elros reaches out for his dreams

there’s something almost defiant in elrond’s drive to be as kind as summer

as for who they publically claim as their family... honestly, it depends. while it’s usually more tactically prudent for elros to connect himself to his various human ancestors, on occasion he does find a use for his free in with the elf mafia, and elrond, code switcher par excellence, is famously the son of whoever is most politically convenient at the moment, which is rarely, but not never, maglor

(in the privacy of their own minds, well, eärendil and elwing may have been the parents elros was supposed to have, but maglor was the parent he actually had, and elros doesn’t particularly care to mope over what might have been. elrond, for his part, figures that after all the shit maglor has put him through, the least that bastard owes him is a father)

but honestly? i think before any of their mountain of identities, before thinking of themselves as sindarin or gondolindel or hadorian or haladin or fëanorian or anything, elrond and elros identify as themselves

they are peredhil, they are númenóreans, they are whoever they make themselves to be. that’s how elrond finally resolved his identity, figured out who he was and found something past the pain and the rage

he wasn’t doriathrin, or gondolindrin, or falathrin, or fëanorian, or whatever else. he was elrond, no more and no less

and that person, elrond, could be whatever he chose to be

... elros came to a similar conclusion, with much less sturm und drang that he’s willing to admit. being able to go ‘hey, i can’t possibly be biased towards any one of your cultures, because i’m descended from all of you and i was raised by murderelves’ makes it a lot easier to unite people around your personal banner, turns out

the stories other people tried to force on them shattered into pieces, and the peredhel twins were free to shape themselves into anything they could dream of

and as the new world struggles alive, these lost children of an Age of death begin to bloom into their full glorious selves -

i just. i love the poetry of that. despite every single shadow that hangs over their past, despite all the clashing notes pulling them apart, they harmonise it all into a greater, kinder theme, determined to make their world a better place in whatever way they can

they fail, of course, but so do all things. the inevitable march of entropy doesn’t diminish the long millennia they (and their descendants) held onto the light

and their growing up in the fëanorian host definitely had a huge effect on the noble lords they became. you can see it in elros’ loud ambition to create a land of happiness and hope, elrond’s quiet resolve to heal all the hurts inflicted by this marred reality

it wasn’t a perfect time by any means, but neither was it a nightmare. it was what it was, a desperate existence at the edge of a knife where, nevertheless, they were loved

even after years upon decades upon centuries have passed, it’s hard for the wise king and the honourable sage to separate out and identify all the conflicting emotions swirling around their childhood. they never knew eärendil or elwing, true, but they also never really knew maglor

not as equals, not as adults, not as people who could truly understand him. he disappeared into the fog of history, leaving only childhood memories of razor-sharp, gentle hands

it’s messy and it’s complicated and getting any real closure would be like shoving their way through a thornbush with bare hands even if elrond could find the shithead, and yet at the core of it all, there is light. not the brightest of lights, maybe, but an enduring one

that contrast, above all, that note of warmth amidst the shadows, is what fascinates me so much about their relationship. three screwed up people in a screwed up world, finding a little peace with each other

and the fact that somehow, it does have a good ending - the children grow up magnificent and compassionate and just, they become exemplars of all their peoples, lodestars of the new world born out of the ashes of the old - that makes it seem to me like this relationship must have contained some fragment of happiness

but, fuck, all the darkness that surrounds that love, all the tangled-up emotions its existence necessitates, all the prefabricated self-identities it can never slot into - nothing about it is simple, nothing about it is easy, and i find that utterly enthralling. especially how, despite everything, that flickering light never goes out

well, i don’t think it does, anyway. my take on this relationship is both complicated enough no one else ever quite gets it right and well-defined enough every single ‘error’ in other people’s interpretations sticks out like a kinslayer in rivendell

it is an entirely self-inflicted problem, i will admit. other people are allowed to interpret those complexities differently from me, and it’s entirely my own fault i lack the :waves hands around nebulously: to write my own hypothetical fic on the subject at a pace faster than glacial

still, though. i do wish there was more fic out there that engaged with these complexities. a lot of the common fandom interpretations of this relationship just sweep it all away

[pen-observing]

I recently finished my fic in which Diavolo cheats on MC so it got me thinking; and someone was speculating which bro MC should move on with. So that is where this came from. You can tell how I started with big brain time but then my one brain cell remained at the end.

How the brothers react/pursue you after Diavolo cheats on you while married:

Lucifer:

He has had internal questions about what his own loyalty meant and represented. After all, he values it the most. He begins to question what it means to have sworn loyalty to the man who could not even be loyal to his spouse- to you.

As a friend he; does not let Diavolo rest and he judges him outwardly, but as a right-hand man; he knows that Diavolo’s ability to rule is unquestionable

Lucifer will not ask for understanding from you but he hopes you have it  

He hopes you know that he can simultaneously judge the man while helping him care for the Devildom

In fact, you both have to be mature about this

Lucifer lets you go through all the emotions in front of him, in the privacy of the house. It is his way of showing you what true pride means. Why should Diavolo or other citizens see you suffering over an unfaithful man?

He tries to make your life as easy as possible. Your room is clean, everything is in order even If in a fit of anger, you leave it differently. You do not have to cook; you don’t really have to do anything besides get better. He would take on your work despite the obligations he has.

If Diavolo comes for business to the House, Lucifer will make sure you are far away and protected

He treats you oh so gently, as gently as he can

And through that gentleness and care- emotions rise and turn into something more

At first, your relationship is built in privacy.  

The love, however, cannot be hidden from his brothers so they are the only ones who know

The Devildom is a cruel place; what would they say about Lucifer and you? Diavolo’s right hand man with Diavolo’s ex-spouse? Must have been an affair. They would claim you were the one who cheated

From that worry it remains private for quite some time.  

However, there comes a point where privacy and secrecy become blurred.  

Knowing that neither of you wanted secrecy just privacy, makes you both realize that there is no reason to hide something which developed so naturally.  

So, when the next ball comes, you don’t shy away from dancing together even as Diavolo and the entire Devildom watches.

Mammon:

In my humble opinion, the best one for this situation, listen listen- I will explain

Why?

Mammon does not shy away from expressing distaste and hate towards Diavolo for you. He has no obligations, he hasn’t sworn loyalty to him, he hasn’t really gotten on his nerves before so he is completely free

As the second brother he can openly tell Diavolo what he thinks (Lucifer makes sure it doesn’t get out of hand) and Diavolo can’t really claim that he hasn’t cheated on you so Mammon has the upper hand in a weird way.  

But here is the biggest reason

Mammon’s loyalty and his feelings for you are something you will never have a chance to doubt

He was your first, he loved you first and he continues to do so

His love washes over you, it never drowns you

He does not leave your side as emotions come washing over you.

He has enough sense to match them as well

Boy practically moves into your room and if sometimes you kick him out so what?  

Belphie definitely did not find him guarding your door nor sleeping next to it to make sure you were okay on a particularly bad day

After you heal it only makes sense to love Mammon; the most loyal by choice. The one who helped you heal and made sure you were whole again

He doesn’t even ask for your love- he earns it.

In fact, you don’t even need to have the ‘Oh Great Mammon, what are we?’ convo anyone dreads because it is as obvious as his love from day one

Leviathan:

His mood oh my God okay listen carefully here

Does he feel disgust towards Diavolo? Does he feel anger towards the man? Yes. A lot of it.

Does he still know Diavolo is stronger? Does he think Diavolo is still the most desirable man considering his position, his power and influence? Also yes

He is envious of Diavolo but at the same time he knows that his faithfulness is 100/10  

At least that is where Levi finds comfort, a sense of pride and confidence

But what overrides all of those emotions is when he sees how broken and sad you are over the whole thing

He even forgets about Diavolo and tries to do everything he can

Sure, his methods are unorthodox. Bringing you Beel’s big bowl of ice-cream at 3am because he saw it in in anime? This is what humans do right?

Who cares? he risked his life and Beel eating his Ruri-chan figurines for you

He goes on a spree to investigate how to help you and surprisingly, his emotions match yours quite well

You need to rant? Come, he will make up insults with you as well! Henry hears them all! The best place to rant is in front of his tank- It is big, bright, reminds you there is still light but the echo?? The acoustics of the place? Amazing for dramatic displays

You want to cry? Levi is awkward with reacting to such a display but he doesn’t run away from it

He never confronts Diavolo head on but a permanent glare is etched onto his face. Everyone knows what Levi is thinking

He subtweets like crazy  

He heard you once say that hitting Diavolo’s face without repercussions would bring immense joy so what does he do? Ta-dah a game where Diavolo is the target and you shoot! Go go!! aim at the fool!

Honestly, Levi does not even think about pursuing you. He does whatever he can to be the Henry, to be the best friend to you.

Your trope is friends to lovers! And the best part is that Levi doesn’t even notice it!

You, absolutely have to be bold and confess to him first

And when you do---good luck trying to keep him from passing out

Satan:

It is a dark and dreadful day when this man finds out what happened.  

Why is everything quiet? Why is everyone avoiding him? Did Devildom suddenly become devoid of life? Undead life, sure, but still life?

Satan is wrath but he is also the most composed of his brothers. It is tricky even to tell him because what if he reacts impulsively? Who would save everything in his path?

The way he finds out is what matters here

He is a gentleman, an analytical being who does not miss your body language but he lets you speak anyway

Approach him carefully but do not be afraid of him, please

Be as composed as you can when you tell him that Diavolo cheated on you

Immediately he will go into his Demon for but his eyes are on you

On you, human so much weaker than him who Is holding their own

So as angry as he is; livid. Furious. Seething. He knows that destruction is not the best option. His eyes hold care and worry directed towards you.  

Satan realizes he has to meet your maturity if he wishes to help you.

And he does but,,,, he remains petty omg

Satan knows he is slick and sly enough to insult Diavolo any chance he gets without fear of repercussions because ‘he just go big brain time and you can’t punish his petty ways.’

Listen carefully, he has never won in chess against Diavolo but now,, he has the biggest desire to for your sake  

On a spur takes you to the human world one day to remind you how resilient humans can be. In a library he starts showing you examples of love stories and how they are relevant to you

‘Satan I really do not think that Cleopatra has anything to do wi-’ ‘Trust me, I will explain it right now.’

In a way, anytime he mentions a human getting over heartbreak he admires you

Does not shy away from expressing it as you gradually move on from Diavolo either

Sometimes, he doesn’t even know how flirty he can be

What? Top 10 love stories in which the main character falls for a charismatic, charming guy after being cheated on? That is pure coincidence

In actuality, Satan makes you blush and feel a connection while you are in the process of moving on

As you heal from Diavolo Satan’s advances get bolder. He is still careful; he wants you to see him as an option but not mix up all of your emotions

Once you are fully over Diavolo, it is impossible not to almost momentarily recognize the feelings Satan has; not to recognize the feelings you have  

He will approach you about it first and even if you are cute in denying them, he really doesn’t give any space for lying about them

Asmodeus:

Let us get something straight,,, Asmodeus is the best at picking up on body language

He has incredible empathy and sympathy for you

He notices all the small details and changes and knows how to help you

He can think of so many ways to get your mind off Diavolo it is impressive

But,,,but!

Asmodeus is not stupid.

Asmodeus is careful and calculating

At first, he lets his other brothers console you.

He gives them tips about it too! If they can’t come up with anything Asmo is a fountain of new ideas

It seems like he is there as a plus one to his brothers, it seems like he is avoiding you while still helping you from the shadows

Why?

Asmo is not dumb, Asmo knows what his sin is and what it represents

He is confident but he questions how you would react and treat him after what happened

If he spent more time and payed attention to Diavolo he could have reacted?

What if you blame him for what happened? What if you blame his sin? It is easy to say you blame the sin not Asmo himself but he can never be separated from it 

Asmodeus worries about it- to everyone's surprise

So, seek him out. Seek out this hero who doesn’t want any credit for his ideas and comfort. It is his strange way of ‘making up to you’

As soon as Asmo sees you coming to him, and worrying about him despite what you are going through- he knows. He knows you do not separate him from his sin. He knows you don’t blame him in the slightest

So, prepare for the best recovery of your life

It is amazing how Asmo does it. His brothers are envious and amazed at his ability to comfort you and bring a smile to your face.

His ideas now have him involved as well! He is the biggest bonus!

Asmodeus in reality, through everything he does- puts self-love first.

He teaches you, outwardly and inwardly, how to have confidence and how to love yourself. He demands that you never doubt your self-worth.

In a way, while Asmo is openly flirtatious and comfortable, you have to bring it up first in a serious manner if you have fallen in love. 

Beelzebub:

Excuse me?  

You said what? Diavolo did what?

What happened?

Beelzebub asks a few times because he honestly finds it so hard to believe that Diavolo is not strong when it comes to self-control

He finds it incredibly hard to believe that Diavolo would be stupid to cheat on you?

He is not sly like Satan, he is not aggressive as Mammon, he is not quiet as Levi but he nonchalantly makes it obvious how he feels about what happened. A disinterested Beel at student council meetings, a sharp glare; some unkind words which just slip out.

Belphie is thrilled to see his brother like this but Beel has enough control to realize what truly matters is bringing you peace. How could he do that If he pays attention to Diavolo? Well.

His very presence brings you peace and comfort

Beelzebub knows how to enjoy life in simple aspects.  

He doesn’t even try to be flashy to make you feel better

His natural charm, gentleness and warmth is all around you

Just staying next to him, in silence, is enough to make you feel better

Pursing you and pursing a relationship with one another, like all things, is very simple with this boy

Just like everything else

He would never hurt you and he became the best security you could ask for

He almost yeeted a piano at Diavolo when he came to visit Lucifer on business but alas, that is a different story

Belphegor:

He knows what happened. As soon as you walk through the door, he manifests there

Arms crossed; an eyebrow raised

‘I told you so.’

It becomes his favourite sentence

Definitely the tough love kind of friend (Same Belphie I felt that)

Because of this he never lets you forget how much Diavolo sucks

‘How could you trust a man who is afraid of pickles?’ ‘I-I don’t think that has anything to do wi-’ ‘It obviously does.’

He already threatened Diavolo before, he made Diavolo go emo. His sarcasm and snide remarks do not rest

Everything is intensified with this boy

You want to rant about Diavolo? The best. He will rant more than you and even tell you embarrassing stories you didn’t know about the guy

‘One time, he heard about weed and made Barbatos bring it to him. Do you know how embarrassing a gold joint it? Anyway- he thought the Devildom turned into a game and followed Lucifer around for 5 days thinking he was a secret spy.’

Belphegor would make sure you sleep and get enough rest because, according to him, that is where healing starts. He will get your consent to use his powers on you first tho.

In reality, Belphegor is not shy with his advances but they would fly over your head most of the time

After a while he will absolutely confess when he is secure enough that you feel the same

Why? If you like the ‘I have fallen in love and didn’t even realize it until his great romantic gesture’ trope- Belphie is your man.

[astheroid]

OMG congrats on 100! my bby ASFAGAHAJJA i’m so happy for you ITS DESERVED, could i pls join ur event if that’s okay 🥺🥺🥺 idk if you remember what i look like but i attached a pic anyway mwah <3

also could i have a male haikyuu matchup if that’s okay? i’m 5’4, she/her with long dark brown hair with the front half of my right side dyed white, green eyes and tan skin! i’m super bubbly, loud, naturally v flirty and my love language is physical touch! i love working out and i’m a huge foodie. i’m stubborn and impulsive, love rain and storms, coffee and i’m pretty open to pda! i’m emotional, super confident (in myself and socially), bold, giggly, energetic and observant (especially of people feelings) i tend to ramble a lot especially if i’m passionate about something but i’m a super good listener and love comforting others! i’m a night owl - love late night adventures, i’m super playful and love teasing people! i’m a bit of a goof ~

i’m spontaneous, optimistic, passionate and ambitious but i have super high standards for myself so sometimes i tend to overwork! i’m sooo competitive - even just playfully, wear my heart on my sleeve but i try to hide it behind my ego but in reality i’m a HUGE SOFTIE n get easily attached! i’m self assured and super straight forward - especially about my feelings. i can be a bit of a drama queen but it’s just for fun and if i’m feeling annoying (always) my favourite seasons are autumn/winter, i LOVE boba, the outdoors and walks/hikes - i love cosy nights at home though! my ideal type is someone tall, who can make me laugh, doesn’t mind physical touch and is protective! tysm <3

I match you with…

Iwaizumi Hajime!!

He’d absolutely love you, especially your confidence and passion.

Date idea-

Gym date!! You both like working out, so I think this would be a pretty common occurrence ;)

You wiped the sweat from your face, Iwaizumi doing the same.

“How’re you doing, babe?” He panted. He handed you a small towel and raised his eyebrows. “Remember to hydrate.”

“Of course, you too. I’m fine, just needed a ‘lil break.”

He nodded. You two sat in silence for a bit, basking in the peace of an empty gym. Iwa stared at you softly, love in his eyes before he leaned in to give you a quick kiss and placed his hand on your thigh. You leaned into his touch and sighed deeply.

You always enjoyed moments like these, where you could relax after doing something tiring.

He chuckled as you rested your head on his shoulder. Threading his fingers through your hair, he whispered “I think we should do this more often, princess.”

I hate exercise with a burning passion, but I would do it for Iwaizumi Hajime (27) athletic trainer. Also thank you sm!! You have no idea how much I appreciate you <3

[retvenkos]

“i am a little bit of everything i’ve seen in my life.”

requested

MY HEADCANONS FOR THE HYBRID HARRY POTTER HOUSES...

gryffindor/ravenclaw

if you’re in gryffindor you think you’re more “refined” than everyone else, and if you’re in ravenclaw you think everyone’s a stiff

this is the person with the braincell! let it be known that they have it, but refuse to use it

they have to be a little chaotic because they know what consequences are but disregard them

these people call themselves ambiverts but it really just means they won’t talk to you if they hate you

and i say that lovingly

okay, but if they do talk to you??? best people to talk with - they can hold an interesting conversation masterfully and it’s all because their enthusiasm is off the charts

let them ramble, it’s very endearing.

and physical touch is probably their love language so cuddle with them, too

they’re sci-fi and superhero nerds change my mind

now their loyalty is really interesting because gryffindors are really loyal where as a ravenclaws are individualistic and prioritize #1, so i feel like they are very much on guard

befriending is hard - they’ll keep you at bay until they are sure you can be trusted. and they won’t be made to feel bad about it either.

but once you are close to them,,,,, they would save you or die trying

their inside jokes are god tier

i don’t know how they do it other than they know how to make people laugh using the most unexpected methods and because it was such a weird experience, people are able to remember really well?

like, they could say “nutmeg” and everyone around you starts laughing, meanwhile you’re just ???

gryffinclaws are also really interesting because they don’t do well with conflict, but drama sort of gravitates toward them because let’s be real here, they can kind of be actively seeking it out, sometimes.

i mean, it’s usually to avoid having to deal with deeper emotions or even bigger problems, but sometimes they have a hand in their own suffering....

also, these people never study if they don’t like the class. they don’t. if they dislike the subject, they procrastinate with every fibre of their being.

but if it’s something they love, they are the first to get it done and will 100% do extra research and talk about it all the time.

they say they love both cats and dogs equally, and they actually mean it.

they are most likely concerned with wanting to change the world in some way - but they want it to be a tangible way that still allows for creativity and freedom

this is also the friend who stays up wayyyyyyy too late, and when you ask them what they’re doing, all they can say is “memes”

and they really do love memes - send them some. it’s their primary way of communicating

they love going out to get lunch and chatting with friends

food + people = love

they’ll even do it in their room! just bring bread and a good conversation - they can stay up for hours

also,,,, creativity and courage??? these are the people who actually have the confidence to publish their writing/art/whatever, and i admire that.

but writers block hits them so hard... i’m so sorry

okay, but if i understand the meme right, i’d give them wine aunt status.

gryffindor/hufflepuff:

these bastards

but i say that lovingly!

this is your meddling friend - that person that knows all and you can’t hide a secret from them to save your life.

and they seem to know everyone?????

they could ruin your life if they wanted to, but they are sweet uwu children and would never - in fact, they’re appalled you would even suggest it.

don’t let them hang out with gryffindor slytherins, no matter what. they will be corrupted and then it’s all over.

“but why are they bastards?” you ask. well,,,, if you’re acting surly or really don’t want to do a thing™ they will use their knowledge against you, prodding you in the direction you did not want to be going

of course, they only ever use this power when it’s for your greater good, but it’s annoying and invasive enough to grant them bastard status.

10/10 the mom friend.

even has the mom stare.

you know - the whole “you’re being irrational and you’re going to do this no matter how you hate it” stare

they have the  m o s t   energy and i honestly admire that

and they’re so hard working and dedicated that motivation isn’t a problem? it’s really just trying to get a solid, coherent thought that plagues them.

someone please get them a planner - they are constantly running late, but excited to be here!

100% have cottagecore vibes, or at least naturecore or adventurecore

point is, they want to be outside, doing things

they most likely want to make change in this world, but on a smaller level - with the people they care about, or the place they live

they really want to see what this world has to offer, but they are deathly afraid of being lonely

ngl, they probably get hurt by people a lot. they’re a little too trusting and go in a little too deep and when that other person leaves it does irrevocable damage.

it’s kind of like idealism and optimism, but at what cost?

100% smother their own feelings with a pillow and then preoccupy themself with the problems of others to not deal with their own

get them someone to talk to, please. they deserve it.

most likely they are an extrovert and surround themself with people so that they won’t have to feel loss as hard

spoiler alert: loss is always crushing.

gryffinpuffs believe in people - it’s their greatest gift and worst downfall

and they cannot live without them

do they have the braincell? sometimes. most of the time they share it and forget to ask for it back.

they probably like to do tangible things - like sculpture or knitting, baking, caring for plants....

something they can hold close

and if they read, they 100% finish books in one sitting. they just binge and it’s very iconic of them

probably a romantic, idk

they want a meet cute in real life and read all of the marriage fanfics

gryffindor/slytherin:

now these are the people who smile when you call them a bastard

and are most likely to be called a bastard unlovingly

at first glance they might be a little low on the empathy scales, but if you make it into their circle they would kill, die, and resurrect themself for you

BUT! all things come with a cost.

these are your friends with shifting loyalties. they are loyal until they feel your loyalty toward them fade, and they can and will shift against you for self preservation.

and they won’t feel bad about where their loyalties lie.

but please love them because if you really do believe in them they will feel it and it will rock their whole world

and if your feelings are strong, you’ll be surprised how quickly they can turn to you for guidance

if you haven’t noticed, this group is extremely intuitive - they can just sense what everyone feels about them

all that intuition... and quite a lot of tact

maybe it’s the cunning or the self preservation in them, but they can read a room really well - only bested by the hufflepuff/slytherin - and can sway everyone to their side

you want someone to give oddly accurate motivational speeches? this is the person you’re looking for!

slytherdors.... you either love them or you hate them

but no joke these are the people that the gryffinclaws and slytherclaws are constantly fighting - and the slytherdor is ready to throw hands at any given moment, someone pLEASE send a ravenpuff (huffleclaw?) to save them

if you wanted someone to embody teenage angst, HERE YOU GO!

it’s either that or they are extremely competitive and not afraid to call someone out

if there’s a dueling club, someone please put restraints on these children

as you can imagine, these people have a lot going on, and what they really need is just some quiet stability.

they need to see this world isn’t constantly out to get them.

they absolutely love music, so listen to songs with them! they have the best spotify playlists with the most obscure vibes, and it’s very aesthetically pleasing

also! listen to them in any group setting - they make the best, dry comments under their breath

if you laugh at them they will reach into the heavens and give you the moon and the stars

they really want the ~found family~ and definitely seek it out

they crave redemption arcs

they give me baby wolf vibes - they are wild killers, but they’re at that tender age where they’re still vvv similar to a puppy, when given affection

their slytherin side has tamed the impulsivity of a gryffindor, but the level of tactician a slytherdor is varies wildly. you never know what you’re going to get, and they are actually really good at covering it up

kind of like on those alignment charts where it’s like “looks like they could kill you but is a cinnamon roll” except it’s “seems competent, but is really an idiot”

they really need an animal companion, probably a cat or tarantula

the slytherdor probably doesn’t feign to study - they either do or they don’t and if that’s bad for their mental health then they’ll fight god himself

i get a lot of vibes of zuko screaming at the sky in that lightning storm, where he’s like, “come on, strike me! you’ve never held back before!”

maybe i’ve been a little negative, but uh,,,, their love language is sitting in the dark, holding hands and talking about the lamest part of their day

also, they hate meaningless endings to tv shows - they just want to see everyone be happy or die trying

ravenclaw/hufflepuff:

you mean the adjusted ravenclaw?

maybe that was mean, but what i really mean is that they are the most emotionally intelligent of all the ravenclaws

these ravenclaws know how to use conflict resolution skills, and they are very much needed in ravenclaw tower

they’ve been coaching the gryffindor/ravenclaws, but good luck maintaining their attention if they don’t want to listen

they also have patience! that means they get along well with slytherins.

even if they’re tired, they’re a good sport about it

light academia aesthetic, or just soft vibes in general.

they are probably the only artists with a coherent schedule that they keep up on, while still remembering to stay hydrated and function like a normal human being

they lowkey crave structure - the unexpected is not for them

riddles? those have a right and wrong answer - they absolutely hate it when the gryffindor/ravenclaws or ravenclaw/slytherins give an answer that is “technically” right

they probably don’t tell anyone, though

passive-aggression? yep. i can feel them seething from here.

like, they can solve minor problems and can get over bigger ones in time, but if it’s a huge slight, they are never going to let go

and it’s super palpable when they dislike you because they are so kind to everyone else

they probably have a passion for poetry but can’t seem to write any themself

definitely still keep a book of it hidden under their bed, though

and if they are good they vehemently deny it but continue to write anyway

the biggest thing they struggle with is knowing their direction in life - who do they want to be?

abstract thinking is an art form, and these ravenclaws ponder existence in the most intangible ways you’ve ever seen

10/10 lay on the ground and stare at the ceiling for like 3 hours straight

they can vary wildly on the introvert-extrovert scale, but they are never in the middle. extremes only.

you can get close to them out with acts of service - they give so much, please just treat them ONCE

they attach themself to so many people, though. even if they’re an introvert, you’d be surprised with their connections.

they’re so level headed and yet, they can feel so lost

kind of reminds me of 50′s moms who seem perfect on the outside but have existential crises while making a roast in heels

they don’t necessarily want to be “known” - they probably feel like that definition is changing all of the time, so it would scare them to put themself in a box

i guess they’re kind of free spirits - maybe more like the aunt who does yoga with baby goats and collects crystals and pretty shells

they are great at conflict resolution, yes, but don’t expect them to be your therapist (that’s the hufflepuff/slytherin)

they have absolutely no idea when it comes to deep feelings - they barely understand their own

probably paints, tbh, or at the very least loves to go to museums w/ really abstract art.

they actually have the braincell! they keep it a lot of the time and can be stingy with it.

they either wake up really early in the morning or stay up until the sun rises because it gives them “clarity” or something.

ravenclaw/slytherin:

they’re definitely the blunt friend who will just say things as they see them

yeah, tact is lost on them

they also love to claim that they “don’t need” people, so they butt heads with the hufflepuff/slytherin and the ravenclaw/hufflepuff a lot

they have quite a bit of stratagem up their sleeve, so people can be weary of them

their attitude does nothing to solve this, but it could also be that the slytherclaw has this idea that flattery gets them nowhere

they are so divisive in their individualism,,, good luck befriending them

but if you do befriend them, you have a powerful friend in your corner.

they are 100% that distant relative that you think hates you but you aren’t sure if that’s just the way they are

but let me tell you a secret,,,, their love language is words of affirmation and if you stroke their ego they’ll grow soft

while slytherclaws may not be very persuasive on their own, they actually work really well in teams. they know everyone’s strengths are are unafraid to take charge and tell people what needs to be done and how

they’re also really good at logical thinking, so you definitely want to be lab partners with this one

and schoolwork? they do it and they take good notes. a really great student

and their ambitions and competitiveness means they are unafraid to go far, and they will do it in style, too

this is the epitome of dark academia. 

and there is very little that is chaotic when it comes to them - the slytherclaw is an excellent planner

maybe they desire more out of life - they never feel like they are quite getting what they want

they are cynical, but they they have such high hopes for this world

when they are let down, they’re not surprised but disenchanted nonetheless

they ponder the meaning of the world and what this world could be far more than they ponder their own life

they tend to see a bigger, more sweeping picture

100% they love the odyssey and definitely think it’s better than the iliad

they adore high fantasy with every fibre of their being and can really get into period dramas

i would say that a gryffindor/ravenclaw would be a good friend for them - we all know a gryffinclaw can talk, and sometimes a slytherclaw just needs to hear someone else’s take on this world

and, of course, it helps when anyone shows appreciation

okay, but they love sweets - chocolate, liquorice, peppermint, caramel... it’s one of the few childish things they allow themself to have.

they are actually relatively quick to trust? the fastest slytherin, actually

they keep their group small, but they get vibes about people and once you show them loyalty they trust you entirely.

i suppose they guess you don’t have any games because they don’t have any

ooh, but if you betray them??? they are a mess, emotionally, and will not hesitate to lash out.

but they are caring in their own way, and will do little things like reminding you to drink water or bringing you toast if you haven’t eaten and it’s very sweet

hufflepuff/slytherin:

so i know we have this idea of the slytherin sweetheart, but a slytherpuff is so much more than that

one of their strongest traits is the intersection of ambition and hard work - they will not stop until they are the best (in their mind at least)

it’s almost a petty form of competition. a bit of schadenfreude when they win.

and everyone’s immediate thought is that a hufflepuff/slytherin would be the most trusting slytherins but no.

not even close.

slytherpuffs are guarded at first, while holding a secret soft spot for you in their heart. but they won’t act on it until they are 100% sure you won’t hurt them. they are suspicious, but really want to like people.

it takes a lot to break down their walls, but when you do they already have a steady foundation for your trust to grow on, and it’s the strongest thing in this world

because of this they can often come off as cold or distant, but once you’re in their circle, oh yeah. there’s the hufflepuff qualities you were searching for.

a good contender for the mom friend position, but they aren’t overt enough to be so.

they’re not getting into your business or being slightly invasive like real mom friends, but if you need advice or a hug,,,,, this is the friend to go to.

they’re like the nice aunt. vvv comforting, but only if sought out.

oh, they have the strongest moral code i have ever seen - it cannot be shaken or swayed.

but! it can often go against the rules, so you do have a bit of chaos working beneath the surface.

i 100% believe that their love language is quality time, and most of that can be spent quietly, just sitting in the other’s presence.

i feel like 90% of their conversations is hand gestures or subtle facial expressions, so it make take a while to be able to read them, but it also means they are soooo good at reading other people

seriously, if you need a therapist in the group, this is your person. they know people so well. their intuition is off the charts.

BUT ALSO,,,, their levels of introvertedness are sky high. i feel like this is a given, but they can be in your orbit for 5 months and speak to your twice and think that is a decent amount of exposure.

please get them an extrovert. they need the exposure.

sEcReTS??? this slytherin probably has some, but you have to be like at level 50 to unlock their tragic backstory

they also have academia vibes and do really well in school work, but whether or not it’s dark academia or light academia is disputed. maybe grey academia? (is that a thing?)

they struggle with wanting to be known and yet wanting to hide parts of themself they find unattractive or unwanted

probably feel like they’re pulled in too many directions and overthink their choices just a bit too much.

everyone knows they have the braincell, but whether or not they use it is unsure

it’s so easy for their friends to coax them, they probably give it to someone else and never ask for it back even though they should be in sole custody of it

AND FLUFF ENSUES. (i realize some of these are kind of aggressive, so... vibe check!)

-- taglist: @musicallisto, @theletterhart, @locke-writes, @randomfandomimagine, @brokenandheadoverheels, @timeofmadness, @writerdream22 // message me if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

[coldshrugs]

thank you for this blessed template, @possumsunshine. this was so fun and cute, i couldn't resist after seeing it on my dash 💗

pulled a couple of answers from oc asks i've done recently because oof this got long.

QUICK READ OF YOUR DETECTIVE

Name: alma greene

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual

Love interest: mason

Best friend: felix but also nate

Main skill: science/tech

Secondary skill: people/psychology

Main personality trait: tied for impulsive and sarcastic

Secondary personality trait: stubborn

Why did they join the Wayhaven PD?: she’s not a detective, but science skills

Relationship with Rebecca: very close, even with absences, but waning

Relationship with Bobby: college friend, currently hates him

Verda or Tina?: both

Murphy bite?: wrist

Murphy’s fate?: at large, babyyy

Rescue LI or Rescue Sanja?: sanja

GENERAL

Name: alma eloise greene

Nickname: sweetheart/space girl by mason; sweetie by rebecca

Birthday: june 12th

Age: 29

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual (demiromantic??)

Hair color: dark brown

Eye color: dark brown, nearly black

Height: 5’1”

Piercings: ears, former nostril piercings

Tattoos: a small snail on her right arm, super cartoony spaceship and tractor beam over the words “i want to believe” on the back of her left calf

Clothing Style: “modern” i guess, according to the game. tbh i usually describe it as “too old to be an e-girl but too cute to care.” bleached denim, dark plaid, graphic crop tops, black vans or converse, thigh-high tights, etc etc

Apartment Style: cozy. did she find it on the side of the road or goodwill or an estate sale? if not, it’s probably not in her apartment.

STATS

Personality:

Charming | Intimidating

Impulsive | Cautious

Sarcastic | Genuine

Friendly | Stoic

Easygoing | Stubborn

Traits:

Heart | Mind

Optimist | Pessimist

Team Player | Independent

Skills:

Main Skill: science/tech

Second Skill: people/psychology

By the Book | Bend the Rules

KEY DECISIONS

Reason for joining the Wayhaven PD: alma is wayhaven’s only forensic analyst because i refuse to let my black oc be a cop

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ in-game, she’s 100% there for her scientific prowess.

Murphy bite: Wrist | Neck | None

Murphy’s Fate: Captured | Escaped

Rescued: Love Interest | Sanja

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

Love Interest: mason

Why them?: on a meta level: oh no he’s hot

but alma’s reasoning is that he’s very upfront about what he wants in the beginning and she’s never been pursued in such a way. It’s a bit of a rush and an ego boost for her at first. but mason’s loyalty very quickly becomes the steadiness alma’s been missing for most of her life and she latches on to that. she’s not had someone so dependable around in… well, ever. and her physical attraction becomes emotional VERY quickly.

Bold, shy, or mixed?: shy until they sleep together, then a mix of bold and genuine afterward.

What were their first impressions of each other?:

alma on mason: thought he was super attractive but that was quickly pushed aside by “holy shit, this guy’s an ass.” she thinks he’s an uncooperative jerk that only cares about himself for quite a while, honestly. she asks him along for things she wants to do alone precisely because she thinks he’ll be the most likely to just stay out of her way. she’s surprised by his attitudes and opinions, and her incorrect assumptions about them, during those times.

mason on alma: would never, ever, ever admit that his first thought upon meeting Alma was simply “cute.” he quickly found parts of her to assess individually. those first few days were mostly spent appraising her physical attributes and watching her back when she needed it. mason did find her funny right away, but he wasn’t willing to trust someone new, regardless of that person being their handler’s daughter or not.

What do they find attractive about each other, mentally or physically?:

alma on mason: his eyes, freckles, and every single version of his smile. his decisiveness, differentially, and willingness to stab as a warning.

mason on alma: her hair tbh, there’s just… a lot of it. her hips, her eyelashes. He also likes her adaptability, sense of humor, and the warmth she gives with no expectation of reciprocation.

What do they do to spend time together?: lots of stargazing, lots of watching tv very quietly and making fun of the storylines they don’t understand until they get bored and make out instead, walking around the quieter parts of wayhaven or taking late-night drives.

What is their favorite memory together?: i like to think mason finds the carnival photo of them after the place has been sacked and gives it to alma sometime later. both the taking of the photo and the giving of it are very fond memories for both of them.

What are their love languages?: touch, quality time.

How do they handle being apart from one another?: badly. mason absolutely hates it after a time. if alma’s out of town, he’s in her apartment with the excuse of feeding her cat, but it’s 100% just to sleep in her bed and be around all the things that make her, her. alma does a little better. she’s used to having folks sort of come and go and come again, but she gets almost hyper-insecure?? it’s nothing she’d admit openly, but she’s second-guessing herself in totally unrelated aspects of her life until they’re reunited.

Do they argue? How do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they make up?: they don’t necessarily argue, but they disagree with the intent to problem solve. alma is pretty flexible and as long as she can understand why someone might feel the way they feel, she’s willing to hear them out or go along with their plan. if an argument does get out of hand, they need space from it for a while. they each have places to retreat for those times, and they wait for the “hey” text to come through to know it’s time to talk about it.

What does their future look like?: alma becomes a vampire two years into their relationship. they move into a quiet, old house on the edge of town until the whole team moves elsewhere. mason has to get used to having a cat because october has several years left in him. they don’t get married, but they’re inseparable.

Anything else you’d like to share: in the time before alma turns, mason learns to perfect making grilled cheese because it’s what alma craves when she’s not feeling well. He makes the grilled cheese then he immediately showers to get the smell off him but he makes it regardless.

BEST FRIEND RELATIONSHIP

Best friend: depending on the playthrough it swaps between felix and nate, but felix feels more in character

Why them?: alma loves felix’s sense of adventure and nosiness. Most of all she loves that he won’t judge her for pulling the same shit every now and then.

What were their first impressions of each other?: alma was super thrown off by that hand kiss. “who the fuck is this mischief-maker?” while nate was very kind and warm, felix (surprisingly) was the UB teammate that really humanized the rest of the team for alma. he’s fun and genuine and wants everyone else to be happy together. felix was incredibly interested to learn more about alma, as a human, as his boss’s daughter, and then as a friend when she readily accepted the supernatural and, by extension, him as a vampire. The fact that she’s easily flustered or surprised really works in his favor because he lives for being the most shocking person in the room.

What do they do to spend time together?: they share music, they dance, and they text A LOT. lots of memes, lots of “what does [x] mean?” “oh nice” “[proceeds to use the thing they just learned incorrectly]”. they also compare and share hair products.

Anything else you’d like to share: they each have a tamagotchi named after the other (baby felix and baby alma) and they compete to see who can keep theirs alive the longest. everyone loses.

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS (Feel free to go in-depth!)

Relationship with Rebecca: oof okay. alma seeks rebecca’s approval and depends on her for a sense of safety and “stability.” in some ways, she wants to be exactly like her mom: strong, independent, unbothered, worldly. but a lot of that shatters the longer alma works professionally with rebecca and with the revelations surrounding rook. alma sees how much rebecca uses her as a crutch, projects her perceived failures onto alma’s life, and over-shelters her.

Relationship with Rook: alma doesn’t remember him and tries not to think of him often or fondly or at all BUT she has so many of his things. his flannels, his detective badge, his ancient comic book collection (which is the only reason she has her own). she has his eyes and his impulsive streak, his care for people of all varieties. she IS rook’s daughter and she ignores that fact so it doesn’t hurt her.

Relationship with Bobby: they used to be very close, slightly flirty friends but there’s no way in hell alma can trust him now. (i originally had bobby as alma’s ex but it was all getting a little too Bella Swan for me. like bobby, douglas, the werewolves, falk, and mason like????? it was a bit much so bobby’s just an old ex-friend)

Relationship with Verda: alma fucking loves verda. that’s her mentor, that’s her dad friend. she feels a sense of Pride and Accomplishment when she can make verda laugh or impress him in the lab, or both. alma’s fond of spending evenings over his place with eric and the kids, making dinner, or just hanging out.

Relationship with Tina: tina was alma’s first friend as a kid. they lost touch in high school because tina was bubbly and cute and popular, while alma was… not. but the summer before they left for college they ran into each other at a house party and since that reconnection, they’ve been thick as thieves. it was like nothing had changed. tina is a light in alma’s life, and alma lets tina lean into the stranger parts of herself without judgment.

Relationship with the Mayor: thinks he’s a creep and a bad parent.

Relationship with Capt. Sung: appreciates how he prioritizes the town and its people, but thinks he could loosen up a bit.

Relationship with Haley: haley is a couple of years older than alma but they’ve known each other forever. alma admires haley’s work ethic and cheery attitude.

Relationship with Elidor: oh man, alma is absolutely stunned by elidor. he’s beautiful, kind, and knowledgeable. in those early days, elidor is responsible for quite a bit of her supernatural education. alma grills him while he nurses her back to health. her curiosity is refreshing to him.

Relationship with Tapeesa/Vieno: alma thinks vieno is cute and funny, says hi when she sees them around, but they’re not best friends or anything. she can’t shake the thought that they’re basically a fae version of danny devito.

Relationship with Unit Alpha: absolutely smitten with lesedi. she’s never seen a more beautiful woman. tamiko ends up being a pretty good friend. the twins are on her social periphery but alma’s not close with them.

Relationship with the Maa-alused: alma sincerely wants to help them adjust to life in this world and takes that goal very seriously. at the same time she really really wishes falk hadn’t developed this weird attachment to her.

Do they have any other important relationships, past or present? (Relatives, friends, etc.?): YES. i’ve thrown another oc in wayhaven for the express purpose of being The Detective. His name is javi. alma met him in college and they were fast friends. alma convinced him to try out wayhaven after graduation. They lived together for a while and now they, along with tina, can often be seen in the corner booth of chen’s pub.

she was also very close with her maternal grandmother before she died. she was raised by her while rebecca was absent, but i need to develop this more.

her cat, october, whom she’s had for five years. he’s a sweet, mostly black tortie that can hardly meow. alma adopted him as an adult when she got her own place.

PERSONAL BIO

Describe their personality: alma is so open and ready to accept new possibilities. she’s the sort of person that embraces what scares her, finds beauty in it, and loves it intensely. she’s sharp and resourceful. i wouldn’t exactly describe her as hard-working, but she’s knowledgeable about her field and tries to be helpful when she has a goal in mind.

she’s quite tactile. touchy with other people. likes to use her hands for work or hobbies. she doesn’t really mind being alone for long stretches of time but would prefer not to be. she wants others to want to be around her.

she’s also terrible at being honest about her trauma. everything is fine, she’s fine, she doesn’t need to talk about this :) :) :) she will handle the breakdown when it happens and not one second before. also, with quick wit comes uncontrollable sarcasm and it does not always hit well.

Strengths: the only person in unit bravo that knows how to use google

Weaknesses: squishy

Where in the world is their Wayhaven?: super torn here because wayhaven feels inland to me, but i think i’ve finally settled on the north carolina coast but not like the outer banks area. If not there, then maybe virginia, closer to the chesapeake bay.

What is their personal history?: alma is born to rook and rebecca in wayhaven. spends her childhood being raised mostly by her grandmother, idolizes rebecca. academic success comes easily for her; a heavy interest in science leads to a scholarship at a university just far away enough to feel like she’s Leaving The Nest. alma dates a bit in college but she’s the type to end up becoming friends with everyone she sleeps with and romance is difficult for her to cultivate. when she does date, the relationships are short-lived. she returns to wayhaven after school and puts her degree to work in wayhaven’s police department. she wishes she’d applied for a position in the city but craves the comfort (and tbh, the low stakes) of home.

If they weren’t a detective, what would their dream job be?: she’s a forensic analyst and honestly?? it’s a pretty dreamy job for her. she loves being a scientist, loves helping people, and isn’t easily grossed out.

Anything else you’d like to share: has tried to stay overnight in an ikea. did not succeed.

RANDOM FACTS

Zodiac sign: gemini

Hobbies: reading peer-reviewed journals, watching terrible sci-fi, collecting comic books and mugs, thrift shopping

Likes: good hair days, denim jackets, vanilla candles, halloween, unflavored lipbalm, driving at night, that warm “surrounded by love” feeling, snails, fuzzy socks

Dislikes: the lights while driving at night, winter, dry skin, minimalist decor, smudged glasses, being overwhelmed with choices

Drink of choice: white wine usually, white russians if she’s out at chen’s, or shots of jaeger if she’s feeling trashy

Starbucks order: grande flat white with 3 pumps of toffee nut syrup and a sprinkle of cinnamon

Favorite food: a simple, fresh spaghetti pomodoro OR lemon meringue pie

Favorite color: golden mustard yellow

Favorite music: she loves just about everything and it’s heavily dependant on her mood. (this is actually really difficult to think about without feeling like i'm giving her my exact taste in music but here's a little playlist that fits her vibe)

Favorite genre (and favorite movie/book/etc): science fiction or psychological thrillers, but her favorite movie is oliver and company.

Favorite season: fall

Anything else you’d like to share: has a stupid amount of blankets stashed around her apartment. she really does not like being cold.

[transvoxman]

hold on, isnt it shadowy in the carl episode? its shadowy pretending to be venomous. its not actually venomous. this is heavily implied since we HAVE an episode with ven and ko to compare their interactions to, and he straight up wears shadowys gloves driving home. thats why he was trying to get tko out. "teaming up with shadowy" was more shadowy taking over and locking venomous away (like we saw tko do once or twice to ko)

It IS heavily implied, but I’m not sure what I headcanon personally. For one thing, I don’t trust shadowy figure as far as I can throw him, so when he says that venomous tried to reach an agreement with him, I can’t decide whether venomous really did try to work together with shadowy at first, or if venomous was genuinely trying to get rid of shadowy 100% and shadowy completely took over before venomous could succeed.

I do think that by the time he’s wearing shadowy’s gloves driving home, shadowy’s definitely fully taken over, but there’s so many possibilities for how much venomous was in control up until then.

SO many theories under the cut I’m so sorry for this oncoming wall of text

The most straightforward theory is that shadowy’s been completely in control ever since venomous found out about him in Let’s Get Shadowy -- it would certainly line up with his threat to take over venomous permanently if fink told venomous about him. BUT on the other hand, I feel like it’s one of the less interesting explanations, because it doesn’t give venomous the chance to be confronted with the choice between getting rid of shadowy and pursuing more power.

Then, there’s the possibility that venomous came back at the end of Let’s Get Shadowy, and was genuinely trying to get rid of Shadowy like he promised KO, but for whatever reason (the intense anxiety of knowing how high the stakes are if he fails to get rid of shadowy, the panic of realizing how much he’s upset fink and boxman and so many others while in a form he can’t control or remember, etc) he transformed into shadowy against his will, and THEN shadowy fully took over and didn’t let venomous come back. This one gives venomous the most benefit of the doubt, and like, yeah, I’d love to believe that this is what happened, but I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because we got barely any episodes in season 3 to develop venomous’s character, or just because I love angst too much, but I don’t 100% buy that venomous has grown enough as a person yet to do this. It would’ve just been SO EASY for him to rationalize not completely getting rid of shadowy, like “I’ll just figure out a way to stop myself from transforming against my will, and then I can very carefully learn how to gain control over the power and it’ll be fine”. Like, this man has such poor impulse control, and is so bad at standing his ground in certain cases, y’know? So then there’s the possibility that venomous really did succumb to the temptation to see if he could control shadowy instead of getting rid of him, but as soon as he tried it out, shadowy instantly took over completely, which would mean that shadowy’s in full control from the very beginning of the episode Carl. This Might be the one I think is most likely? But it’s totally fair if everyone disagrees with me here, I’m Here for angst and super flawed characters but I know not everyone is. And finally, there’s the option that I think is the most fun, although I’d need to rewatch the episode before I said anything about whether I think it’s actually likely or not: venomous DID give in to temptation, made an agreement with shadowy, and for a little while, shadowy let him co-pilot, so venomous would let his guard down a little and get some hope that he really COULD have it all. So then, at the beginning of the episode Carl, venomous really is mostly in control. He might’ve lied to K.O. about getting rid of shadowy, but all that matters is that he’s got it under control, right? He could even tell himself that this was even better, because now that he has shadowy under control he can teach K.O. how to get TKO under control! A win-win! Another fun thing about this would be the parallels it has with the episode where KO and TKO co-pilot his body together and it briefly seems like it’s working out fine. But anyway, over the course of the episode, shadowy takes over for brief moments that get more and more frequent, and then by the time venomous realizes that shadowy’s trying to fully take over and never meant to keep his end of their agreement at all, it’s too late, and sometime later in the episode, shadowy’s taken over completely. AND ALSO, all of these theories aside, I’m really conflicted on what the show’s trying to say about whether the dark alter egos are separate people or not, and by extension how much responsibility they should take for what their alter egos have done. On the one hand, there’s this entire heartfelt message about KO realizing that he and TKO are the same person and he has to stop thinking of them as separate people, but on the other hand, TKO repeatedly gets angry at people for calling him KO, so he clearly wants people to respect them as separate people, and I think it’s common decency to respect that! And yeah, the obvious thing to point out here is that TKO and Shadowy Venomous do things that KO and Venomous would Never Do, AND in venomous’s case he doesn’t even REMEMBER what shadowy does while he’s in control, both of which are big points in favor of KO and Venomous not needing to take all that much responsibility for their alter egos’ actions. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, the entire climax/message of the show being about TKO and KO accepting that they’re the same person is a pretty big point in favor of the completely opposite view. And since I’m so torn here, I think the best thing I can do is set my stance on a middleground--venomous and KO should absolutely not be held COMPLETELY responsible for their alter egos’ actions, but they still need to take SOME amount of responsibility. It would be shitty if people blamed them for causing so much pain and destruction in their turbo forms, BUT it’s still their responsibility to work towards learning how to be in control of their alter egos / emotions so their alter egos can’t hurt people like that again, and I think it would also be a good idea for them to help with damage control when they DO regain control of themselves--like in the episode TKO Rules, KO cleans up after TKO even though it wasn’t exactly HIS fault, he doesn’t just say “I didn’t do this, so it’s not my problem”.

So, I don’t know exactly where I stand on literally anything I’ve written here, but the bottom line is, I think it’s more complicated than shadowy taking over venomous against venomous’s best efforts to get rid of him, and I’m conflicted on whether I absolve venomous of ALL blame for what shadowy does. I tend to lean towards whatever I think is the most interesting to explore in my headcanons, which Also tends to be the least charitable interpretation, BUT I realize that this show’s tone can often lean towards being more lighthearted, so what I think is most interesting to explore has no relation to how likely it is to be true.

So yeah, personally I THINK I lean towards venomous being in control for part of the episode, and even if he’s not in control for any of it I think it’s a little too straightforward to say that he’s 0% at fault for anything shadowy does. But that’s completely just my edgy headcanon/theory lol

[maddie-grove]

The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2020

My main takeaways:

I’m glad that I set certain reading goals this year (i.e., reading an even mix of different genres and writing about each book I read on this tumblr). I feel like it really expanded my horizons.

There are a lot of proper names on my Top 20 list this year, which possibly means something about identity? That, or I just tried to read more Victorian novels. 

Be horny, and be kind.

Now...

20. The White Mountains by John Christopher (1967)

In a world ruled by unseen creatures who roam the countryside in tall metal tripods, all humans are “capped” (surgically fitted with metal plates on their heads) at age fourteen. Thirteen-year-old Will Parker looks forward to becoming a man, but a conversation with a mysterious visitor to his village raises a few doubts. This early YA dystopia has gorgeous world-building (notably a trip to the ruins of Paris) and expert pacing. The choices Will has to make are also more surprising and complicated than I ever anticipated.

19. What Happened at Midnight by Courtney Milan (2013)

John Mason wants revenge on his fiancée Mary after she skips town following her father’s death...apparently with the funds that her father, John’s business partner, embezzled from their company. When he tracks her down, though, she’s working as a lady’s companion to the wife of a controlling gentleman who refuses to pay her wages, and John’s fury turns to sympathy and curiosity. This is a smart, well-plotted Victorian-set novella about a couple who builds a better relationship after a rocky start.

18. Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes (1943)

It’s 1773, and fourteen-year-old Bostonian Johnny Tremain has it all: a promising apprenticeship to a silversmith, the run of his arguably senile master’s household, and...unresolved grief over his widowed mother’s death? When a workplace “accident” ruins his hand and career, though, he must “forge” a new identity. Despite its jingoism and surfeit of historical exposition, I fell in love with this weird early YA novel. It’s a fascinating, heartbreaking portrayal of disability and ableism, and, to be fair, Forbes was just jazzed about fighting the Nazis.

17. Something Happened to Ali Greenleaf by Hayley Krischer (2020)

After universally beloved jock Sean Nessel rapes starry-eyed junior Ali Greenleaf at a party, his queen-bee friend Blythe Jensen agrees to smooth things over by befriending his victim. Ali knows Blythe’s motives are weird and sketchy, but being friends with a popular, exciting girl is preferable to dealing with the fallout of the rape. This YA novel is a complex, astute exploration of trauma and moral responsibility.

16. The Color of Law by Richard Rothstein (2017)

Rothstein details how the federal U.S. government allowed, encouraged, and sometimes even forcibly brought about segregation of black and white Americans during the early and mid-twentieth century, with no regard for the unconstitutionality of its actions. He brings home the staggering harm to black Americans who were kept from living in decent housing, shut out of home ownership for generations, and denied the opportunity to accumulate wealth for generations. It’s an impactful read, and I was honestly shocked to learn Rothstein isn’t a lawyer, because the whole thing reads like an expansion of an excellent closing statement.

15. My Friend Dahmer by Derf Backderf (2012)

In this graphic memoir, Backderf looks back on his casual, fleeting friendship with future serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, a high school classmate who amused Backderf and his geeky friends with bizarre, chaotic antics. Backderf brings their huge, impersonal high school to life, illustrating how the callousness and cruelty of such an environment allowed an isolated, troubled teen to morph into something much more disturbing without anyone really noticing. It’s a work of baffled, tentative empathy and regret that stayed with me long after I finished it.

14. Daniel Deronda by George Eliot (1876)

Gwendolyn Harleth, beautiful and ambitious but with no real outlet, finds herself compelled to marry a heartless gentleman with a shady past. Daniel Deronda, adopted son of her husband’s uncle, finds himself drawn into her orbit due to his helpful nature, but he’s also dealing with a lot of other stuff, like helping a Jewish opera singer and figuring out his parentage. I love George Eliot and, although this bifurcated novel isn’t her most accessible work, it’s highly rewarding. The psychological twists and turns of Gwendolyn’s story are a wonder to experience, and Daniel’s discovery of his past and a new community is moving.

13. The Plot Against America by Philip Roth (2004)

The Roths, an ordinary working-class Jewish family in 1940 Newark, find their quiet lives descending into fear, uncertainty, and strife after Charles Lindbergh, celebrity pilot and Nazi sympathizer, becomes president of the United States. This alternate history/faux-memoir perfectly captures the slow creep of fascism and the high-handed cruelty of state-sanctioned discrimination, as well as the weirdness of living a semi-normal life while all of that is going on. Also: fuck Herman and Alvin for messing up Bess’s coffee table! She is a queen, and she deserves to read Pearl S. Buck in a pleasant setting!

12. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens (1850)

Young David Copperfield has an idyllic life with his sweet widowed mom and devoted nursemaid Peggotty, until his cruel stepfather ruins everything. David eventually manages to find safe harbor with his eccentric aunt, but his troubles have only begun. Although the quality of the novel falls off a little once David becomes an adult, I don’t even care; the first half is one of the most beautiful, funny, brilliantly observed portrayals of the joys and sorrows of childhood that I’ve ever read.

11. The Rise and Fall of Adam and Eve by Stephen Greenblatt (2017)

Greenblatt examines the evolution and cultural significance of the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible to the modern day (but mostly it’s about Milton). I can’t speak to the scholarship of this book--I’m not an expert on the Bible or Milton or bonobos--but I do know that it’s a gorgeously written meditation on love, mortality, and free will. Greenblatt brought me a lot of joy as an unhappy teenager, and he came through for me again during the summer of 2020.

10. The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg (2019)

Self-conscious seventeen-year-old Jordan is mortified when his widowed mother hires Max, an outgoing jock from his school, to help out with their struggling food truck. As they get to know each other, though, they realize that they have more in common than they thought, and they end up helping each other through a particularly challenging summer. This is an endearing, exceedingly well-balanced YA romance that tackles serious issues with a light touch and a naturalness that’s rare in the genre.

9. Red as Blood by Tanith Lee (1983)

In nine wonderfully lurid stories, Tanith Lee retells fairy tales with a dark, historically grounded, and lady-centered twist. Highlights include a medieval vampiric Snow White, a vengeful early modern Venetian Cinderella, and a Scandinavian werewolf Little Red Riding Hood. Fairy tale retellings are right up my alley, and Lee’s collection is impressively varied and creative.

8. A Room with a View by E.M. Forster (1908)

Unnerved by an impulsive make-out session with egalitarian George Emerson on a trip to Florence, young Edwardian woman Lucy Honeychurch goes way too far the other way and gets engaged to snobbish Cecil Vyse. How can she get out of this emotional and social pickle? This is an absolutely delightful romance that gave a timeless template for romantic comedies and dramas for 100-plus years.

7. My Ántonia by Willa Cather (1918)

Jim Burden, a New York City lawyer, tells the story of his friendship with slightly older Bohemian immigrant girl Ántonia when they were kids together on the late-nineteenth-century Nebraska prairie. It was a pretty pleasant time, give or take a few murders, suicides, and attempted rapes. This is one of the sweetest stories about unrequited love I’ve ever read, and it has some really enjoyable queer subtext.

6. Mister Death’s Blue-Eyed Girls by Mary Downing Hahn (2012)

In 1956 Maryland, gawky teen Nora’s peaceful existence is shattered by the unsolved murder of her friends Cheryl and Bobbi Jo right before summer vacation. Essentially left to deal with her trauma alone, she begins to question everything, from her faith in God to the killer’s real identity. Hahn delivers a beautiful coming-of-age story along with a thoughtful portrait of how a small community responds to tragedy.

5. The Lais of Marie de France by Marie de France, with translation and introduction/notes by Robert Herring and Joan Ferrante (original late 12th century, edition 1995) 

In twelve narrative poems, anonymous French-English noblewoman Marie de France spins fantastically weird tales of love, lust, and treachery. Highlights include self-driving ships, gay (?) werewolves, and more plot-significant birds than you can shake a stick at. Marie de France brings so much tenderness, delicacy, and startling humor to her stories, offering a wonderful window to the distant past.

4. Maus by Art Spiegelman (1980-1991)

In this hugely influential graphic novel/memoir, Art Spiegelman tells the story of how his Polish Jewish parents survived the Holocaust. He portrays all the characters as anthropomorphic animals; notably, the Jewish characters are mice and the Nazi Germans are cats. I read the first volume of Maus back in 2014 and, while I appreciated and enjoyed it, I didn’t get the full impact until I read both volumes together early in 2020. Spiegelman takes an intensely personal approach to his staggering subject matter, telling the story through the lens of his fraught relationship with his charismatic and affectionate, yet truly difficult father. 

3. At the Dark End of the Street by Danielle L. McGuire (2010)

McGuire looks at a seldom-explored aspect of racism in the Jim Crow South (the widespread rape and sexual harassment of black women by white men) and the essential role of anti-rape activism led by black women during the Civil Rights movement. This is a harrowing yet tastefully executed history, and it’s also a truly inspirational story of collective activism.

2. In for a Penny by Rose Lerner (2010)

Callow Lord Nevinstoke has to mature fast when his father dies, leaving him an estate hampered by debts and extremely legitimate grievances from angry tenant farmers. To obtain the necessary funds, he marries (usually!) sensible brewing heiress Penelope Brown, but they face problems that not even a sizable cash infusion can fix. This is a refreshingly political romance with a deliciously tense atmosphere and fascinating themes, as well as an almost painfully engaging central relationship.

1. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen (1814)

Fanny Price, the shy and sickly poor relation of the wealthy Bertram family, is subtly mistreated by most of her insecure and/or self-absorbed relatives, with the exception of her kind cousin Edmund. When the scandalous Crawford siblings visit the neighborhood, though, it shakes up her life for good and ill. I put off reading Mansfield Park for years--it’s practically the last bit of Austen writing that I consumed, including most of her juvenilia--and yet I think it’s my favorite. Fanny is an eminently lovable and interesting heroine, self-doubting and flawed yet possessed of a strong moral core, and the rest of the characters are equally realistic and compelling. Austen really made me think about the point of being a good person, both on a personal and a global scale.

[fandom-collective-writers]

Reader x Jihyun Kim {MysMes} - Letters to Heal a Broken Heart

Title: Letters to Heal a Broken Heart Fandom: Mystic Messenger Character: Jihyun Kim Genre: bittersweet? romance Warnings: spoilers for his good ending!  Intended Gender Audience: Neutral Audience  Word Count: 2040 words POV: second person Other comments: no smut but im proud of this! please note that everything with the push back is a letter! i think its pretty clear, but i wanted to make sure it’s understood <3 Written by: @mythiica​ Req: 

Dear –

I’ll admit, it feels a bit strange writing a letter for you, but my therapist recommended it. He told me to explain my emotions with words, saying it would help me become more confident. 

See, the reasoning behind it, at least from what I remember, is that there is no pressure to think quickly. Writing allows a flow, a sense of movement between the words before you pick which one you wish to use. Talking is different because it follows a completely contrasting rhythm. To keep a conversation going, you have to speak rather quickly so the person stays engaged in the topic. 

It’s all really interesting, and my therapist has given me a book over the fundamentals of other practices like this. I read half of it on the plane to Japan. 

To clarify, I’m writing this from my hotel room in Tokyo. I landed a few hours ago and the jet lag has yet to hit me, so I decided to take advantage of this time to write. 

I think you’d like it here – the sakura are in full bloom and I have three days dedicated to photographing the sea of pinks as they ripple in the wind. Until now, I’ve only seen pictures of the famous parks, and I never thought that I would be able to witness them in person. 

I didn’t think I’d

I never conside

Ah, I should mention, I’m not allowed to erase or cross out sentences I start. Another confidence booster? It’s a bit sillier, but it’s meant to force me to say what is on my mind, rather than letting it fester. I’ll try again: 

During my years under Mint Eye, my vision was narrowed, and I had only one duty. However, I am learning to broaden my horizons and expand my mind to encompass everything. The urge to explore bubbles in my chest, waiting for the moment to come out. There are so many chances to do anything, and I’ve got all the time to do all of it. 

I’ve also realized that I went over my word limit. I have to stick to 300 words or under. Confidence booster #3! Express yourself with less words. Take a guess of how many times I’ve opened the thesaurus, looking for better synonyms for words? At least seven times in the past five minutes. It’s crazy! 

For now, I’ll sign this off and try better next time. 

                                                 よりご多幸を祈って

                                                           Jihyun Kim

PS, I’m practicing my Japanese! That says best wishes… I think. 

नमस्कार

Hello and greetings from India! I took a long nap on the plane, and forgot to write. Although I’m only passing through, I ate some delicious food (that I should really try to replicate for you). India is absolutely beautiful – from the sunrises to the bustling markets to the colorful fabrics hung at every corner. I’ll inhale the air and smell six things at once, albeit, not all of them are the best, but I embrace it nonetheless. 

More about what I’ve been doing: funnily enough, my phone died on the bus ride, but I made a new friend named Sunmi, and she was kind enough to lend me her charging cable. Instead of ending the interaction there, we spoke for a few hours at least. I learned she was traveling with her friends on a photography excursion. She gave me all the information, and I’d like to look into it when I have wifi again. 

You wouldn’t believe what they’ve seen! Last year they went to Antarctica through South America. She got to pet a penguin! Apparently the company also takes people to Greenland and New Zealand – some places I’ve been dreaming of visiting since I was a young boy. 

I’ll use my last 100 words to mention that… I’ve gotten a bit homesick. I miss the RFA – well, the people from the RFA minus… 

Don’t tell Jumin about the company though, he’ll insist on flying me around with his private jet. I want to experience for myself. Saeyoung is somehow messaging me when I don’t have service? I don’t… understand. Anyways, I also saw Zen landed a huge international role (someone had a magazine on the plane). Otherwise, I hope Jaehee and Yoosung are well. And Elizabeth the 3rd of course. Send them my wishes. 

I didn’t forget about you though! The keychain you gave me reminds me of home every day. It might have lost an eye, but I found a button and stitched it on. And I also wanted to ask you–

Ah, I’m over again. 

Next time. 

                                                           Jihyun Kim

Iyi günler! I am in Turkey now and actually writing this on a boat. The sun is setting over the horizon, making the sky change colors with every passing minute. It’s breathtaking, but I wish you were here with me. The other passengers and I take turns standing at the front of the boat, and I sometimes linger, trying to take pictures. 

Good news! My vision is getting better. I’ve been taking some Greek herbal remedies, and the seem to be helping. Either that, or they have a wonderful placebo effect. Has that ever happened to you? To think something is working, but you’re just imagining things? 

I apologize, maybe that stirred bad memories for you. 

Back to Turkey: I stepped out of my comfort zone and spent a night camping. Honestly? I was terrified of doing so, but now I want to do it every night. It is the perfect temperature for hiking, even though I am a bit sunburned. 

So many people have been commenting on my hair. Good things mostly, and I started styling it with a bit of gel to keep it out of my eyes. It feels good to look people directly rather than through a curtain. 

What are you up to? Hosting anymore parties? I imagine that you are keeping busy, as always of course. My therapist said it would be best to wait messaging you until I return home. I nearly called you a week ago, but I didn’t want to break my vow. It’s like lying to myself, and I know better than that now. 

Still, it doesn’t stop me from dreaming. 

                                                           Sending love, 

                                                                     J

I’m genuinely angry, but writing to you always calms me. Someone stole my bag – I luckily didn’t have much in it, but your keychain… can you make me a new one please? Now that I don’t have it, it’s almost like I’ve lost a part of you. It hurts a lot, but then I wonder if I am being silly. It’s just a keychain. 

Otherwise, France is nice. I didn’t want to go to Paris, so instead I traveled through the countryside to visit a few wineries. 

Yes, I did… drink a bit, but I wasn’t impaired when my bag was stolen! 

You would laugh at me if I told you what happened, so I will save the story for another time. Before coming to France, I went through Germany and visited some of the most beautiful castles I’ve ever seen. They all looked like they could be straight from a fantasy movie set, and I was convinced one – Neuschwanstein Castle – actually was. 

I’ve barely written anything despite so much happening. 

I got a haircut (finally), because it was becoming a hassle to tie it back at night. 

One evening, I fed some stray cats and they followed me home. 

And a drunk (?) tried to play cards with me. But he didn’t have cards. He was dealing an imaginary deck. 

Other stories will have to wait until I see you again, and I feel better now. It’s okay to be upset, but it won’t hinder my trip any more. 

                                                           Je t'aime, 

                                                                     Jihyun

Alaska doesn’t have a night. 

That’s not exactly true, but it’s basically true. The hotel has special curtains that block the light, and it is only dark for a few hours. 

It has been many miles since I last wrote, but I was caught up in visiting show after event after party after exhibit through America. Their art has given me a new perspective on point of view and emotions, so I hope that the ten camera chips I’ve filled with photographs will be able to convey the same sense of awe. 

I’ve also been mistaken for an idol? Like – multiple times. Interesting to say the least, maybe I’ll say yes to the next person that asks. What should my stage name be? I’ll spare you the embarrassment and not share my ideas. They are all very silly and no one would believe me if I told them my name was Cam Ra. Do you get it? It’s bad, I know. 

I’ll be returning home soon, unless I get distracted or impulsive and go down to California and Hawaii before coming back. I want to – it doesn’t feel right to return just yet. But that doesn’t mean anything about you! 

Really, I think about you and everyone else each day. 

Have you met new people? We’ll exchange so many stories… 

                                                           See you soon, 

                                                                     J K 

You pace around, waiting for the last guest on the list to appear. The party started an hour ago, but he still has not arrived. Then again, it has been three months since anyone heard a whisper from V, and you start to lose hope. Swallowing hard, you remind yourself that V is having a wonderful time exploring the world and finding himself. 

          Taking a handful of your dress, you turn and head through the doors to the main room. Jumin tries to pull Saeyoung away from Longcat, Yoosung explains his most recent surgeries to a group of nurses from his work place, and Jaehee receives many compliments for her majestic cake. 

         Everyone is happy and has moved on. 

         You hope V has too. 

         Maybe all the wishing and praying finally paid off, because you hear his familiar voice calling out behind you. It’s a long shot, but you turn around nonetheless, thinking it is a different guest. 

         Instead, you see Jihyun, wearing the most dazzling smile you’ve ever seen, running towards you. He’s carrying a folder filled with papers, but that doesn’t stop him from embracing you. He smells rugged, like his voyage has transformed him, but you rather like it. 

         “Jihyun!” You melt against his hug. “You’re.. Here… you’re here!” 

         Your squealing draws everyone’s attention, but he focuses on you and only you. “Of course I’m here. I missed you more than I can verbalize.” 

         His stance is open, welcoming, and confident, much different from two years ago. He is a different person now, brave and proud. Jihyun offers you the folder. It is strange to gift something in the middle of a party, but you accept it anyways, happy he has returned. 

         Jihyun’s heart races as he explains. “I wrote you letters every time I went somewhere new. These are just a few of them, really I have so many. But each shows something I’ve learned.” He takes a breath and laces his fingers with yours. “This is sudden, and I’m sure you will need time to think about it, but I’m trying something new: asking without being afraid. Over the past two years, I’ve… longed for you. Art has shown me the power of friendship, joy, perseverance, and most importantly, dedication. I want to dedicate my art to you, if you’ll stand by my side.” 

         You can’t find the words to express yourself because you are so awestruck. He truly has changed, but he has embraced himself and his life. Tears start to roll down your cheeks from the overwhelming surge of emotions. Jihyun brushes them away and presses his forehead to yours. 

         “I still have much to learn, but I want to do it all with you.” 

         “I’d like that a lot, Jihyun,” you whisper, captivated by his intense gaze. 

         “And I can finally say this without fear–” 

         You tip your head up, and Jihyun kisses you the next moment. His lips are chapped and the warmth radiating from his skin envelops you. He doesn’t need words to communicate it, because you understand perfectly what he is trying to say. 

[zevlors-tail]

Hi! Could i get a match up with any mha male character. I’m a female about 5’2 and ive got long straight hair. I’m not too shy like i still find it hard to talk to people but if im more comfortable im really talkative. I’m a capricorn. I am really impulsive I once woke up and decided to get three ear piercings. I’m a dancer that specializes in ballet and I love playing the piano and the violin. I also am really clingy and love to cuddle. For the autumn drabble could I get scary movies and rain

I’m SO sorry this took so long. Matchups are so hard for me to do and I was a little too ambitious with adding the drabbles at the end. ;w; Here it is! I hope you like it!

I match you with: Denki Kaminari!

-Maybe you sometimes find it hard to talk to people, but this boy is going to make it incredibly easy for you to feel comfortable with him. He just has that aura to him; it’s like you’re meeting up with a long lost friend you haven’t seen in ages when in reality you barely even know him. But he makes it feel like you’ve known each other since kindergarten, like you two were best friends your whole lives. You two are cozying up to each other in no time.

-Impulsive? PERFECT. Kaminari is that friend who will push you around in a shopping cart through the middle of the store on a dare you made 3 months ago that the two of you suddenly remembered. Honestly, you two wreck so much havoc with each other, even Mina struggles to keep up with your shenanigans. And anything you want to do? He supports it. You want 3 ear piercings? Go for it. Wanna get a tattoo while you’re at it? “Do ittttt!” Honestly, if you need someone to hold you back or keep you in line, don’t expect Denki to be that person. He’s gonna be the exact opposite. If you really need someone to keep you in check, make Bakugou tag along with you; he’s really the only one who can stop the both of you from destroying the whole city.

-Kaminari loves to watch you practice your dancing. He thinks you’re absolutely graceful and could watch you for hours at a time. He never gets tired of it. He gets mesmerized every time you move and wonders how you manage to make him feel like he’s lighter than air. He will 100% come to any and all of your shows if you have them, and will always support you no matter what. Catch him in the front row crying tears of joy because, “That’s my babe up there, that’s my Y/N!” He can and WILL drag the whole Bakusquad along btw. You’ll always have support from your friends. :)

-Also very supportive when it comes to your instruments! Listening to you play makes him very emotional, but in a good way. He could be sobbing while you practice and if you stop and ask him if he’s okay, he just chokes out “I’m fine, please continue!” and gives you his signature thumbs up. He looks anything but fine, although he’s telling the truth; he just wants to hear you play. Kaminari is an emotional guy, and he expresses it freely, so tears are natural. He also has favorites out of the songs he’s heard you play! Sometimes he might request a certain song if he hasn’t heard it in a while. Better yet, if you write him a song of your own or learn a new one in secret to surprise him, he will melt. You’re gonna kill him. No really, you’re going to make him feel so loved.

-Denki is also very clingy and cuddly, so you better prepare for koala hugs and lots of kisses and cuddles. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had the best day of your life, the worst day of your life, or if it was just an average ordinary day, you’ll still get cuddles every single night. And he gives really good ones too; the way he wraps his arms around you and holds you close to him makes you feel the safest you’ve ever felt, like nothing can touch you while you’re with him. He’s also a fan of playing with your hair and giving you head pats. Of course he likes them too, but he likes giving them to you much more than receiving them. The best feeling after a hard day is Denki running a hand through your hair to relax you while you snuggle into his arms.

Fall Drabble: Scary Movies/Rain

This drabble kind of got away from me so now it’s less of a drabble and more of a scenario but oh well-

Heavy rain swirled outside in the wind, water droplets sticking to the window and sliding down slowly as you listened to thunder rumble in the distance. Lightning accompanied it a fraction of a moment later, the flash of light illuminating the whole sky for half a second so you could see the gloomy clouds in full. You and Denki originally had plans to go to a fall festival of sorts, but the two of you had waited too long to get ready to go, and now (a whole half hour later no thanks to charge bolt himself) it was too late; there was no way either of you were going out in this. Even if Denki was immune to lightning, you were not, and the wind and rain both proved challenging foes to your clothes and hair. You would both look like a mess by the time you got there, if you hadn’t fried on the way there.

“Soooo, I guess we’re staying in for the day. No way we’re going to the festival in that,” you said dryly.

“I’m sure we can find other ways to pass the time, babe. We can always catch the festival tomorrow!” Ever the cheerful one, it seemed. That was something you really loved about Kaminari. No matter the situation, he was always willing to find the silver lining.

“I suppose you’re right. Well, what can we do in the mean time then?” you wondered aloud.

“No idea, but this storm sure is getting spooky...” Denki subconsciously scooted closer to you as the wind howled outside, a high pitched sound reverberating through the room as it picked up speed.

“Yeah...” 

You both went quiet, Denki’s focus on the storm outside while you thought of ways to pass the time. You would have invited the squad over to hang out, except this was supposed to be date night. You loved your friends, yes, but date night was special to you, and you weren’t exactly in the mood to share your boyfriend with anyone today. So friends were a no go...and you couldn’t go anywhere outside either. That only left a handful of activities. You looked around your room for something useful, anything exciting that you hadn’t already done today. Suddenly your eyes landed on an old ticket stub, namely the one from the very first movie you and Denki had seen together on your first date, and you were struck by an idea.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?”

And that was how the two of you ended up laying on the floor a half hour later, a giant blanket draped over your shoulders and pillows in front of you, popcorn pieces strewn about and cans of soda off to the side as a horror movie played in the background. It had been a while since either of you had seen a proper scary movie, so you agreed on one you hadn’t watched before and started it up without a second thought. The rain in the background helped to enhance the spooky mood for the night, a different sort of darkness seeping in and washing over the room after the lights had been turned off.

A jump scare startled you both a little, causing Kaminari to bump into you gently. You dropped a few pieces of popcorn, and your boyfriend couldn’t keep himself from poking fun at you.

“If you’re scared, Y/N, you can always hold my hand!” He gave you a wide grin and giggled, his tone teasing yet lighthearted. He could never truly give you crap about being spooked by a scary movie, especially when he had been startled himself.

“We’re already holding hands, you goofball!” You nudged him playfully and laughed with him, lightening the mood a bit after the jump scare. Eventually you both returned to watching the movie, your fingers lacing into his as you held hands still.

Fifteen minutes had gone by before the storm really started to pick up outside, wind howling relentlessly and rain pelting against your roof. You and Kaminari were so engrossed in the suspense of the movie that you didn’t notice anything at first; the woman in the film crept closer and closer to the basement door, pitch black coming from open entrance, and the both of you huddled close together as you watched in suspense for something to jump out from the darkness. Suddenly something hard fell against your roof with a loud Thump! followed by several other similar sounding noises, and you and Denki whipped around to look behind you for a culprit, spooked by the horror movie and the strange noise you had just heard. Just as you were about to ask him if he also thought that was hail, the TV shut off unexpectedly with a soft powering down noise, and the both of you were left in complete and total darkness as the storm raged on outside.

“Denki?” It was hard not to notice the tremble in your voice as you spoke quietly.

“I’m right here, love.” Kaminari’s voice wavered slightly as well, though he tried to be strong for you. Both of you were scared, but the least he could do was be there for you.

Down the hall, you could hear your fellow students mulling around in their own dorms and asking if everyone was okay. You put two and two together and realized the storm must have knocked the power out. Without warning, Kirishima thrust open the door to your bedroom and shined a flashlight in, causing the two of you to scream in unison as he finally focused it on your shaking forms.

“Why are you guys screaming?” He tilted his head in question while you tried to gain your bearings, and you secretly decided you would never watch horror movies during a storm ever again. “Yo, Kaminari. We lost power ‘cause of the storm. You think you could give the generator a jump?” The redhead rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, clearly sent over to ask for Denki by someone else.

“Nah, you guys are on your own. It’s date night with my baby, so no can do!”

“Awe, dude, come on! If you send me back with that sort of answer, Bakugou is gonna come storming in here himself!”

“Sorry, man. I’m sure the power won’t be out for that long, anyway. Bakugou can deal with it. 

“If you say so. I’ll try my best to sugarcoat it, but expect an angry looking Bakugou sometime in the near future.”

Kirishima turned away with a wary look, trekking back down the hall the way he came. You turned to your boyfriend and snuggled into him, thankful for having such a loyal person as your partner.

“You could have given their generator a jump, you know,” you said softly.

“I know. But then I’d miss out on date night with you, and that wouldn’t be very kind of me, would it? Date night is just for us. They can figure stuff out themselves.”

The two of you sat there for a moment as you held each other before there was a loud crash from down the hall followed by angry stomping sounds.

“KAMINARI I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE! OPEN UP!”

[spacebabe51]

Thoughts on 1991 Dark Shadows

You guys asked for it, but I warn you, I'm stupid long winded. I’ll spare you the long intro I was originally gonna tack onto this post because it’s already way too long. Basically this is just my thoughts on Barnabas, Victoria, Willie and Julia and why and where I think they fail to capture the audience’s attention.

So let’s start in the obvious place; Ben Cross as Barnabas Collins. Now. I have a lot of sympathy for pretty much anyone who tries to take on this role: Jonathan Frid just has this unhatable quality to him, which makes the ill-advised nonsensical hypocritical B.S. that spurts from the character of Barnabas Collins like a fountainhead somehow forgivable. It would be really hard to give this role to anyone and maintain that odd mix of unlikeable and endearing. Ok, now that I’ve said that I can say this: I don’t like him. I don’t like this Barnabas.

      It’s not because he’s young; I understand why that choice keeps getting made, although I disagree that it’s essential. The original show does go in narrative circles pretending that Frid/Barnabas is much younger than he looks or just avoiding the subject altogether. A young actor can play Barnabas; a hot actor can even play Barnabas; and I’ll grin and bear it as long as he’s entertaining. Cross is not entertaining. I don’t know if it’s fear of doing something wrong or if he watched the original Dark Shadows and saw Frid hamming it clutching a rubber bat to his throat and said “couldn’t be me”, but he will not emote and it absolutely kills the character for me. Barnabas is a lot of things in his first few episodes on the show. He’s suave, he’s scared, he’s unhinged, he’s mournful, he’s triumphant, he’s cruel...but one thing he never is is boring. Even when he’s standing around looking off into nothing and reciting long verses of meaningless prose, we’re engaged. Frid, after all, was a trained Shakespearean actor. Staring into nothing and reciting prose is what he’s best at.

Another thing Frid is is visually nervous; he was out of his depth on a vampire soap opera as well as constantly at a loss to remember his lines, and it shows; in ways that somehow endearingly make the character seem lost and out of his depth in a new time and in a fate he doesn't enjoy. All Cross ever really shows us is suaveness; stillness, and a vaguely constipated expression. He isn’t nervous. He seems calculated. It makes scenes like the one near the end of the pilot way more terrifying. He goes from telling Vicky the story of Josette and Barnabas’ love and her death to savagely beating Willie with nearly the same facial expression and inflection; he comes across as a cold blooded sociopath more than an unhinged impulsive killer. There isn’t much humanity to him, and that makes him hard to root for, either as a villain or a sympathetic monster. 

Joanna Going’s Victoria Winters:

 Hey, what a surprise! I actually don’t hate her. At least, I didn’t at first. Now, Vicky is a fairly easy character to cast- because let’s face it, she’s a pretty textbook example of a gothic romance protagonist. You know, the kind that are always running away from houses on book covers?

         But that doesn’t mean it’s easy to find someone the audience will connect with and like. The protagonist needs to be a little something more than a blank slate, which is something the original character suffered with, (not in the first season, but in every subsequent one) Going’s Victoria seemed at least a smidgen more self-aware and spunky(?), which is refreshing. Or, at least, I thought. And then episode three came along and suddenly she was 100% on board with Barnabas’ gross stiff romance. So never mind, scratch all that. The actress is fine for the character, but the character is still being sold a bill of goods by the writers. 

Jim Fyfe’s Willie Loomis  

 Let’s get to the real meat of it, shall we?  I have to first say that I am probably not qualified to talk about this, being fairly neurotypical and knowing little about the state of representation in the media for intellectually disabled individuals. Secondly, I have to say that I have at least some respect for Fyfe for being one of the few people to go against the grain and actually act on this show, and he is slightly less boring to watch than a lot of the others, if...not in a pleasant way. In any case I don’t think we can blame what I’m about to talk about on his acting per say.

       That said...uh...there were some, ahem, bad choices made in terms of Willie’s character. And yes, of course I'm talking about coding him as intellectually challenged and then treating it like a joke, or a character flaw (?). In fact the more I think about it, the worse it gets. Now this is just conjecture, but the choice to cast Willie as conventionally unattractive and intellectually challenged, in order to, I guess, justify or explain the dislike everyone has for him, is incredibly bad for any goodwill the show already isn’t trying to establish among the rest of it’s main cast. Karlen’s Willie, by comparison, is set up as a scumbag from long before Barnabas arrives. He harrasses women, steals, lies, starts fights; etc. Even in the “House” movie, we get a few seconds of him being gross towards Maggie to imply this is normal behavior from him. The most we see Fyfe’s Willie do is be kind of surly and annoying at a bar where he’s already been denied service. He seems more like a guy who isn’t good at social cues, and who is just genuinely sick of being pushed around for no good reason. If Dark Shadows had for some reason decided it wanted to do a story about inequality and social stigma in the midst of it's vampire fever dream, then fine, but that's not what this is; It’s almost like the show wanted to rely on his looks and supposed “mental insufficiency” to make the audience dislike him. He seems more like Collinsport’s long time scapegoat than a drifter who came into town to start trouble, and combining that with the coding paints a very dark picture and makes the already emotionless Collins’ family seem pretty terrible. (and I won’t even go into the whole “Barnabas beats Willie and then two episodes later they’re best friends” thing here because there aren’t enough expletives in the world for it) ALSO also, and this is nit-picky, I have a problem with the fact that Fyfe can’t pick an accent. Sometimes he seems to be trying to imitate Karlen’s Booklynese, sometimes he sounds vaguely Southern, sometimes he sounds like he’s trying to impersonate Goofy...it’s very distracting. Not more distracting than all the other terrible things, but distracting. 

Barnabas Steele’s Julia Hoffman: As anyone who follows me knows, I sort of worship Grayson Hall, so I almost feel bad saying I don’t like someone in this role, because, duh. For me, there will only ever be one Julia Hoffman. Is that gonna stop me from saying it? Hell no.

 Steele’s Julia suffers from nearly the exact flaw Cross’ Barnabas does; an inability or unwillingness to emote in any fashion. Add on, however, a nauseating lack of chemistry with any of the other actors, and you have a recipe for eyes glazing over by act two. I think, honestly, the biggest flaw of trying to recast this show is this; Dark Shadows is, essentially, a play. It was a troupe of mainly theater actors, working in close proximity, live, on a shabby theater-like set. When you strip away those elements and add in true soap opera people and plots and camera angles, you lose that magical experimental, campy, electric element the original had. I know I’m talking more vaguely about the show now and less about Steele’s Julia, but honestly there's not much to say about her? She doesn’t come across as particularly clever, or bold, or any of the things that made us root for Julia when we were pretty sure she was on the fast track to getting killed her first few weeks. She just sort of meanders through plot points and talks like she’s controlling a ventriloquist dummy somewhere offscreen. She’s not interesting, and when it comes to Julia Hoffman, psychiatrist, blood specialist, hypnotist, fake historian, etc, that’s the worst thing she can be. 

If you've read this far, thank you! I would love to hear you guys' thoughts, whether you agree or disagree or think I missed the mark entirely. I'm only on episode 6: I'm going to continue watching, purely out of obligation since they're taking the show off Amazon Prime at the end of the month, and I may make some memes/follow up posts when we get to Angelique, 1795, etc.

[slytherin-puffskein]

A Happily Ever After Tale

@hphm-rarepair-week | Bill Weasley x Rowan Khanna

My only entry for this lovely event! Please enjoy~

Summary: Who would have thought a single letter was able to give Rowan Khanna such emotional turmoil? As he is offered a choice to make, memories surge through him, ones that he isn’t that willing to revisit.

Warnings: Mild angst

Notes: / / / symbols followed by italicized text represent flashbacks. Features my MC, Laurent King.

*

The clock moving on, it drags me along with feet buried in the ground

Road going home is dark and alone, but I’ll make it out alive somehow

Flicks in the night, a lamp giving light, my long shadow left behind

I’m on my own, aren’t I?

*

One scene is based on @theevildoc‘s wonderful art

*

Rowan Khanna is the sort of person who likes to plan everything until the last detail. Nothing is skipped, nor forgotten. As usual, he had planned his day, and it was supposed to go down like this: waking up, eating breakfast, hanging with Lau and have lunch with him at some Muggle restaurant, and then relax once he is back at home. Not a super busy day, right? Nothing that’ll exhaust him too much. Maybe he’ll even have time to start reading a new book… but for that, he would need to finish the one he is currently reading. Only a hundred pages left, so it might take him… an hour or so to finish. Yes, he will definitely have time to read another book.

He had planned everything, even his outfit, because just like everyone else he liked looking somewhat good. His style was one that could be classified as “nerdy”. To Rowan, despite people’s narrow-mindedness, it was simply amazing, and if he liked it then it was all that mattered.

Having been nervously sitting on the edge of his seat for an hour, pondering over how uncomfortable that chair was, the silence was suddenly broken by three distinct knocks on the door. One. Two. Bang. One, then two again. That can only be Laurent King, who had the weird habit to make up little tunes whenever he had the opportunity to hit a hard surface. Quickly enough, the door swung open, and the two friends were soon in each other’s arms. After all, it has been months since they last saw each other, due to them being both extremely busy with work.

“Laurent! I missed you so much! Talking about new stories I’ve read isn’t as fun when it’s not with you!”

Laurent chuckled softly, and softly patted Rowan’s hair. During his first year at Hogwarts, he wasn’t exactly… a fan of the guy. Not at all, in fact. He had considered Rowan as too nerdy, too clingy, too… too much. But in the end, he had realized one thing: they were both extremely, terribly curious as well as intuitive, and Rowan quickly saw himself becoming Laurent’s friend and accompanying him through his multiple shenanigans.

“I missed you too, Ro. What’s up?”

Two glasses of wine were filled, and instead of following the planned routine they had agreed upon, Rowan’s impulsiveness surged forward. Before he could notice it, his eagerness to talk to his friend controlled his actions and pushed him to stray from their original plans. My new neighbour’s got a cat that keeps yelling. Farm work is doing extremely great! I started reading a new book, and it is wondrous… topics flowed out of his mouth, one after the other, and he came to realize one thing: how much he loved talking to Laurent King. Usually, a lot of people would order him to shut up at once… but not Lau. Never Lau. He would always listen, a smile on his face and a glint in his eyes. It was truly wonderful, to know that someone was interested in what he talked of… but still, sometimes he had to force himself to shut up in order to let Lau speak at once. He couldn’t be the center of attention at all times, after all ! 

When it finally was Laurent’s turn to speak, Rowan found himself entirely raptured by his words. Granted, he was a great talker, but he was also a great listener. He didn’t miss a single detail, fact, random trivia or opinion said by his dear friend. He could have sat there for hours, just listening to Lau’s musical voice.  Soon enough, he was fully updated about all the things that Laurent have been up to, and vice versa.

As Rowan was about to talk about how he was considering to get a Crup, a letter suddenly appeared between Laurent’s fingers. Blue, sort of frilly, with a heart shaped wax seal that was broken. What could it possibly be?

“Sooo… have you got the invitation, Khanna?”

Rowan’s eyebrows knitted together. “What invitation?”

“Don’t you know? Our man is getting married! And I heard the girl is pretty cool. She’s french, like me!”

Our man. How in the world was Rowan supposed to figure out who Lau was talking about ? Sometimes, that guy was impossible. He sighed, giving Lau his most disappointed stare.

“Which man, Lau? Andre? Ben? Jae?”

Jae isn’t the type of guy to marry, though. At least, to Rowan’s eyes. The closest thing he had to a love story was whatever he had going on with Chiara, and it had been… fairly awkward for all involved. Laurent shook his head at last, loose hair strands that had managed to free themselves from his ponytail flicking left and right.

“Nope. Bill. Bill Weasley is getting married, can you believe!?”

And all kinds of different feelings surged through Rowan Khanna: joy, jealousy, excitement, sadness, enthusiasm, anger. He forced a smile.

“I… haven’t got my invitation, yet”

“You’ll surely get it. You’re a friend of his, after all”

At this point, it was as if barbed wire had suddenly popped inside of Rowan’s throat, and gathering the strength to talk was almost too much.

“Yeah… I’ll get it… surely”

/ / /

Hogwarts’ Library was definitely Rowan’s go-to place to relax. Not even study, just relax and contemplate life. And there was a lot to contemplate. His classes, his friends, his family, his future, his past… and yet, nothing came to his mind as he was sitting at his favourite spot, fact that left a bitter taste in Rowan’s mouth. Never before he had found himself like this, with nothing to ponder over. However, the gears inside of his brain kept on grinding in an attempt to provide him things to have deep reflexions over. This time, maybe he could try and figure out why– suddenly, he froze. A knot formed itself in his stomach, and his palms were quick to sweat abundantly. A few steps away, checking the bookshelves, was William, or Bill was he was known, Weasley.

He was looking absolutely beautiful with his shoulder length almost orange hair and sharp, yet friendly eyes. Immediately, Rowan’s imagination started running, seeing himself confidently standing up and talking to him, maybe even flirting with him… but imaginary Rowan was much more different than the real Rowan, who was still frozen on his seat and staring helplessly at the young man.

Come on, Khanna, it’s not that hard! He is a friend. Just stand up, walk to him, and talk! But about what? What is a good conversation topic? Trees? Yeah, trees sound good! But what about trees? Cats. Cats often climb trees. Should I talk about that? Try to figure out why cats love trees so much? No, that’s ridiculous! Get a grip, Rowan! Talk about… books! No, not books!

In the end, he gave up, and pulled out of his bag a book to read.

/ / /

“What? What do you mean, you’re not coming!?”

Rowan’s invitation, received just a few hours ago, was now ripped into tiny little pieces and buried deep into the wizard’s trashcan. Said wizard was now looking at Lau, face expressionless and arms folded over his chest, looking as decided as ever: he was not going to this wedding, no matter how hard Lau was going to try and convince him. It was his decision, and it was 100% final.

“Because I’m just not! Do you remember the Celestial Ball, Lau? I didn’t want to go, and you forced me to tag along. This time, I’m not coming! Will make me save a lot of money too, no need to buy fancy outfits or whatever…”

He mumbled something else, something unintelligible, before flicking his gaze right back to his friend who looked absolutely scandalized. Why would he not come to Bill’s wedding? This was about their friend! Their friend that they loved very much! Rowan… Rowan considers Bill as a friend, right? Lau mentally slapped himself after thinking that. Of course he considers him as a friend, or else he wouldn’t have let me approach him, the protective little shit he is. Setting himself the objective to convince his friend, he took a step forward, scanning his face as if he could possibly find the reason why he didn’t want to come. Rowan sighed, immediately turning away.

“I-I just don’t wanna go, Lau! That’s all!”

To Lau, however, it looked as if his friend was lying. Completely lying. Why? Simple: he looked stressed, anxious, even desperate. As if he was hiding something from his friend. Something he never wanted to be revealed.

Instead of mentioning that, however, his impulsiveness took over, and it started speaking through him:

“That’s all? Yeah, that’s all a load of stinking bullshit. You’re Bill’s friend, and you know it. He sent you that invitation, he wants you there!” the redhead paused briefly, rubbing his temples. “Do you really want him to be sad during his wedding? During what might be the best day of his life? Because you simply don’t want to come?”

Without meaning it, his tone had sounded as if he was blaming him for trying to ruin Bill’s happiness… and unfortunately Rowan took Lau’s words that way, twirling around and facing him with a thundering gaze.

“Get. Out!”

Please stay. I’m so, so lost, Lau.

“What? No! I’m not getting out until I convince you t-”

“OUT!”

But once again, Rowan’s thoughts pleaded his friend to stay, to understand that he wasn’t himself at that moment. However, no matter how much Lau claimed he knew Rowan, he didn’t know him enough to see that he was truly upset and in need of help.

So instead of sitting down and trying to reason him, he took his things and left.

/ / /

“Bill…?”

The Gryffindor, who has been focused on his Transfiguration homework, quickly raised his head and smiled as he recognized Rowan Khanna. Despite the fact he had an exam coming in the next few days, he closed his book and slipped it into his bag.

“Rowan! What can I do for you?”

Because he immediately noticed one thing: he looked worried. Nervous. Desperate, even. But for what…? Gently, Rowan leaned down, his cheeks reddening.

“Can we… uh, can we talk? Both of us? Together? You and me?”

Ugh, shut up, I think he gets that you want to talk to him alone! He was quick to mentally give himself a punch, and focused back on Bill who was, thank Merlin, nodding. “Sure. Let’s move somewhere else, though, I don’t think that the Library is the best place for conversations…”

He quickly shot a glance in Pince’s direction, and Rowan had to hold back a giggle. Together, they made their way outside of the library, and as soon as Bill closed the door behind him words started flowing out of Rowan’s lips, without him being able to control it:

“Is there anywhere you wanna go? We can go the Clocktower Courtyard, the East Tower, the Common Room- well, wait, we’re not in the same House, true, er…”

This is getting worse and worse. Bill, however, chuckled softly and even placed his hand on Rowan’s shoulder as a comforting gesture. Shivers ran through his entire body, electrifying him, and as Bill started smiling he knew one thing: he was a complete mess for that boy. With hope, Weasley appreciated messes.

“We can just do this here in this hallway. Unless it’s important…? You look kind of pale, Rowan. Did Lau pull a prank on you again?”

That was sufficient to make him laugh.

“No, no pranks… just…”

His heart was hammering against his chest, threatening to burst out at any moment. Quite a gory thing to picture, honestly.

“Just what, Rowan ? You really look weird…”

Just go for it. Take a deep breath, and go for it.

“Would you… like to go out with me?”

/ / /

This is a bad idea.

No, this is a terrible idea.

This is a horrendous idea.

Rowan’s mind was spinning to the point that he was starting to feel sort of dizzy, and he had to stop mid-step in order to press himself against a tree, taking a couple deep breaths. Why did I even accept? Oh yeah, because Lau gave me his cute Puffskein eyed-look. Curse you, Laurent! He felt a hand land on his shoulder, and jumped in surprise until he realized that it was Lau’s.

Of course it was Lau’s, they were going to this… thing together. A smile was etched on his friend’s features, and for a second Rowan envied how relaxed he looked. If only I could be as calm…

But there is no way this will happen.

* * *

He looked beautiful.

Exactly as Rowan feared. He thought his scars might have made him look uglier, and that as a result Rowan might turn out to be less attracted to him… but the opposite happened. He looked strong. He looked badass. He looked ethereal.

Just like his wife, who was dancing with him, a smile on her soft features. Pretty people marry pretty people, I suppose. Wasn’t I pretty enough for him…? He scanned the crowd around him. Everyone was happy, clapping their hands and cheering for the newlywed couple. Rowan tried to imitate them, to plaster a smile on his face, but he found himself unable to do so. He could only stare at the two lovers, and notice the way they looked at each other. With pure, unfiltered love. Will I ever know this kind of love…?

He could still remember their conversation, right outside of the library. Don’t think of it, don’t think of it, you won’t handle it if you think of it while looking at them. Don’t ruin this wedding. It’s as Lau said: I can’t make him upset during his happiest d–

Their gazes met.

And Rowan’s heart crushed.

/ / /

He had said no.

Rowan, I like you a lot, you’re a great friend… let’s stay this way.

He said no, and he has been so kind. So caring. So careful to not offend him.

Why was he so perfect? Why was he so unattainable? Why was this so unfair? Gritting his teeth and holding back tears, Rowan stormed inside of his dorm and threw himself on his bed, sinking into the pillows as if he was trying to choke himself on them.

Invisible barbed wire grated at his throat, making it impossible for him to cry without pain. But he did it anyway. Because what is love, without a bit of pain?

For a moment, he considered giving up, but he quickly remembered something his mom would always tell him:

“Never give up, my boy”

He won’t give up on Bill. Not entirely.

Hope will stay. And linger. And tug at him occasionally.

And he will keep it as his dear companion. Upon thinking that, a smile curled Rowan’s lips.

Maybe we will get in a relationship after all.

And marry

And live happy ever after, without any threat falling on us.

/ / /

“The ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. They are coming.”

[serenagaywaterford]

Literally felt my heart drop when June told Serena she couldn’t love because she didn’t know how and she just turns around completely broken down in tears because she knows it’s true (& she blew it with the only person who could’ve shown her what that kind of love really feels like, and that person is now standing in front of her and telling her she wished she had let her burn) GOD idk that monument scene felt like volatile anger covering deep hurt

“ volatile anger covering deep hurt “

“ volatile anger covering deep hurt “

OWWWWWW. you are so right on, anon! well, i hope you are anyway cos that’s exactly what i got from that scene as well! to me it was so incredibly obvious that they’re trying to hurt the other. i mean june is 100% justified in her rage and it’s not like she said anything that isn’t true, at least on some level. and serena’s behaviour certainly points to her having no understanding of what love is. but also, and what it’s particularly interesting, is serena’s isn’t completely wrong either. i mean she doesn’t come out and say it, and who knows if it really would have made a difference, but she’s gutted that june didn’t stay with nichole. GUTTED. i personally thought that she got over that betrayal of trust back in 3x01 with that whole explosion/hug, but watching back it seems to be a common thread. june was literally the only person she trusted in the world and she broke that trust. so, serena--as she does constantly when hurt--lashes out in every way she can to make june hurt, push her away, and make herself stop hurting as soon as possible.

and i mean, i hate to KEEP coming back to this addiction metaphor thingie i’m stuck on, but there’s often a thing where you see addicts vehemently claim they love their children/spouses/family, but their actions are completely opposite to what love should be. which is serena right now. i don’t think they are incapable of love but they appear that way because of how much their own personal needs overwhelm absolutely everything else they value. addiction and trauma psychology is difficult for most people to really sympathise with because it seems so incredibly selfish and narcissistic. but i do not think she’s a narcissist. i think people throw that term around way too loosely and ignore the underlying pathology and symptomatology present, especially with fictional character and limited knowledge of their background, etc. It’s really easy to throw around impressive sounding diagnoses on random fictional characters, but those are based on such limited scope of the character. we’re only really being shown on TV what’s important for the story, for drama’s sake. but that’s all beside the point i was attempting to make lmao.

serena is acutely aware of the atrocities of gilead. she knows it’s fucking horrible. she knows nichole should NOT be with her. she willfully turns a blind eye to everything bad and it’s just disgusting. she’s a macro example of the type of thing that happens on much more personal scales every day all the time. and serena in many ways represents the worst parts of all of us. there was a really neat little thread on... insta? youtube? reddit? i can’t remember where it was “serena is me when i...” or something like that. and there are a shitload of traits all of us share with serena, and we hate them about ourselves but often also deny we have them, so when shown in technicolour on a screen we can hate them out loud. it’s cathartic in a way.

but anyway this does tie into the june thing, cos june is NOT that different from serena in many ways. they’re two ends of the same spectrum, or even two sides of the same coin. and i don’t think all the imagery and set-up in the show to compare and contrast them is accidental. nor is the reason they have the most intense showdowns. the light/dark, hero/villain, writer/editor, virgin/whore, all sorts of dichotomies that are antagonistic but also some that are complementary. if i wanna get super pretentious into my psych degree, i’d wager (street cred, not money! i’m not THAT convinced) that serena is almost set up as june’s shadow. so when we see them face off, like they did in 3x06, like they have in 3x01, in 2x13, in 2x10, in 1x10, etc etc. (this is an ever intensifying movement. it started in 1x01 and has progressed slowly to this blowout. what’s interesting is the stakes and in the intensity increase is direcly correlated to the strength of the bond between them. the MORE attached they become, the more fierce the results. an escalation in how much they can hurt each other based on how much closer they are to each other.

(and i mean i’m not just talking physical proximity either, although this scene particularly played on a lot of physical symbolism)

june fights serena exactly the same way as serena fights june. they’re impulsive, and emotional, and very intent on just wounding each other. june’s completely and utterly betrayed and terrified for nichole. (i mean, i don’t wanna get into how stupid it was for her to trust serena ever in the first place and how part of this devastation is because she thought she was so clever and such a great manipulator. she completely underestimated serena’s emptiness, fred’s manipulations, and overestimated her own prowess.)

this idea of trust, and broken trust, is a keystone. neither june nor serena would have trusted each other in s1. s2 slowly built that up (and then fucked with it), then rebuilt it again. i can’t imagine s1 serena EVER in a million years, standing in front of june in tears talking about trust in her. nor, june from s1 to serena. that concept would be as asinine and alien as a belief that the next day america is back to normal like nothing happened.

now, okay, serena could just be making an excuse to pass blame onto june for why everything is happening the way it is. and really it’s only about her own selfish desire. sure. that’s fair. not out of character either lol. (although side note: i think part of serena’s whole problem is she doesn’t trust luke, she doesn’t trust anybody except june and herself with that baby. cos she’s an idiot lol and doesn’t WANT to trust. but also she’s just fucking delusional and obsessive.)

but to me personally, it didn’t feel that way this time. it didn’t seem that way. but, again, i have blinkers on when it comes to serena and june sometimes, lmao. like you cannot hurt someone like that, using such intimate, personal attacks, unless you know them and are close to them. and those attacks don’t land so heavily unless they care about you too. it’s a lovers fight. and whether you want to ascribe some romantic notion to that, or just look at it as a symbolic sort of love, or even familial, platonic, that’s anyone’s choice. they’re both in tears, screaming at each other about trust and love, and finally landing furious, devastating hyperbolic blows on each other.

sorry about the length! for some reason this browser isn’t letting me insert read mores.

my point was that scene was great (inevitable really) and that whole “volatile anger covering deep hurt” isn’t an accident. it’s not something that is borne out of indifference or sheer callousness. it comes from a much more intimate place. and man, is it juicy af.

[gurguliare]

... It is, uh, rare and out-of-character for me to say this, but I do disagree pretty much across the board with everyone’s criticisms of this episode as an adaptation---or rather, I get where the backlash is coming from, I think the story in the manga is excellent and lots of minor and major grace notes got lost here, but I also think splitting it across two episodes (or 4 and 5 across three episodes) would have been unworkable. The ramp up-resolution ratio needed to be what it was to communicate the strangest thing about the Mogami arc, which is its double-jointed climax: it’s not interminable (as with world domination), but every time you’re sure the end is close, it opens up a new frontier. Like most nightmares it finally breaks, rather than cresting down to a recognizable finish. Mob has his big moment of reclaimed identity, and then... he has to keep going! And through much of it he moves as kind of a disdainful sleepwalker, there’s this perfunctory 1-2-3 tempo to his process even while he questions himself about what he’s doing, who he’s saving, and why, which absolutely feels mechanical and dancelike in its compression. A timesaving move, but one which also happens to capture the constant disjunct between his reasoning and the lagging, overblown emotional reality that it takes all his energy just to participate in. IN THIS WORLD, EVERYTHING I SEE IS AN EVIL SPIRIT. I HAVE TO EXORCISE THEM ALL. Mob can’t stop destroying himself + his preconceived ideas, but his internal narrative is starting to catch up to the fact that that’s not always negative. Sometimes you just have a ton of baggage to shoot lasers at (and a ton of temporary selves to let fall apart.)

Things I missed:

Minori with the box cutter

the explicit “what do you want?” / “power” exchange

“it’s not fair!” Mob wail re: the cruelty of the world, some depth from his reactions there in general, although to be clear I think the anime version is internally consistent and interesting in terms of shifted emphasis, and I’m glad to have both

how brutal “Mogami and Asagiri-san taught me that people can change” is: some of this is communicated, I like in general how they draw Mob’s face in the last scene because it’s appropriately fisheyed, flat, and opaque, but I think the music kind of smooths over the neutral, double-edged starkness of Mob’s chosen takeaway. Like, yup! People can change! People are changing all the time! From some perspectives it’s an incredibly bleak thing to stake your developing moral worldview + optimism on, in good old Pratchett fashion. Of course it’s also lovely, it’s just... you know, in a story that’s very much about the bigness and unmanageable complexity of the everyday, and what you have to learn to keep up with it, “people change” is such a fucking... kicker to the hope that you’re ever going to get on top of shit. You’re not! You have to keep running alongside the giant crusher wheel!

Other notes:

I actually did not like Minori blushing, which is unusual for me since I love “blushing while crying” as a piece of awkward bodily realism that tends not to jive with the scripted atmosphere of many fictional breakdowns. But I thought that for most of the episode (and with Minori’s apology!) they did such a good job of keeping her ugly, banal mannerisms consistent, it was a shame to then bust out something that looks, even superficially, like a transformation.

However they made up for it with her fucking hospital bed flouncing in the post-credits scene, I loved that SO MUCH. GOD. MINORI.

In general I’m ambivalent-to-positive on the toned-down violence and the cat’s survival; yes, I think the scene loses a bit in terms of directness of storytelling, but I also think there’s a corresponding gain in terms of... the closeness of Mob’s nightmare and actual realities, the very thin margin of normal social support that separates him from this boring, insignificant hellscape. I don’t know that it makes as much of a difference to Minori’s portrayal as I’ve seen people claim, and I also don’t see that it makes Mob’s forgiveness less pointed, since Mob, while dumb, has enough of a clue to distinguish between ringleader and lead. (Plus it helps highlight the distinction between Minori and, say, Teru, as like, an existential threat from the world of normal shitty influencers vs psychics who at heart are all children who want to brawl. Not that Minori isn’t also a child who wants to ... do others injury, with her own two hands if she’s feeling spooked enough. But. The weird thing about losing Minori and the boxcutter is I would say it makes her less sympathetic, or at least, less aligned with other sympathetic child characters who we see do terrible things out of a mixture of fearful impulse and habit. It’s definitely a change, but not one that breaks the logic.) 

But yeah, the point of Mogami arc is and it isn’t “Mob is made of such extraordinary stuff that it takes all this abuse to break him”: there’s an element of that, Mob is a special person, but it’s also supposed to be about how plausible all this continues to feel to him even after he “wakes up,” and how hard he has to work to convert Mogami’s lessons into something usable, rather than just discarding them out of hand. It’s not that I think any of that doesn’t work in the manga, but I like the even more tightly narrowed scope here. Both are at least functional, and given other constraints on time I can’t think what I would have sacrificed to get more back-and-forth in the confrontation scene with the bullies. Maybe SOME particle physics could have been cut. 

I surprisingly wasn’t in love with the ???% starscape. My favorite thing about ???% in Mogami arc is how it’s simultaneously the showstopper but also a lot more incidental than it is in other arcs where it appears/looms in characters’ minds, so I was a bit “shrug” on visual attentions paid, even though I like the more sublime/cosmic! take on everyone’s favorite eldritch horror.

seriously could we not get a second longer and the slightest glowup on the flower 

100% COURAGE NOT ENOUGH OF A SPARKLY, OVEREXPOSED EYESORE. THOSE WERE LIKE. DARK-PALETTE SPARKLES, WHAT THE HELL

... and that’s about it, honestly, I loved, loved, loved most of the other specific choices, from Reigen and Dimple’s animation outside to the spirits racing the long rays of Mob’s power. “I still have to save that awful Asagiri-san”: music to my ears!! Can fiction even have enough contemptuous dutybound rescues. I love................... anime. And Mob. 

[eyesaremosaics]

Hey sry if its a stupid question but how does it feel to be moon pisces/venus in leo?what kind of people are u attracted to?also do u mind me asking whats ur mars sign?thank u.

Pisces is the heaviest of all the signs, it carries with it the weight of all the others. In my subjective experience, it means my emotions are very deep and complex. I have strong psychic abilities, my intuition is almost always 100% accurate, the only time it varies, is in relation to my opinion of myself. Pisces tend to be martyrs, they feel victimized and badly used. Truthfully, I have been, but I also realize I co created that with my beliefs. Often I see things with rose tinted glasses, i romanticize everything, especially the past. I see everything in terms of poetry and art, the Leo only enhances this. When something is wrong with someone close to me, I can feel it. I have prophetic dreams, that will come true within a few days. My love is unconditional, even people that have hurt me deeply, still hold a very special place in my heart. I understand everyone on a psychological level, and can find common ground to empathize. Even in extreme circumstances where the other party does not deserve it.

I often feel like… i’m living in a fantasy. I have a very active imagination, and often prefer  it to reality. Sometimes, i fear read TOO deeply into things, making connections when there are none, left barren as a tree in the winter. Easily disillusioned. When someone or something is revealed for what it truly is, I am traumatized. Deeply damaged by the disillusionment. Dreamy, romantic by nature, but also dark and very morbid. As ethereal and ghostly as people touched by pisces are, they have a very dark shadow aspect. People often make the mistake of assuming Pisces are innocent, incapable of harm. A few pisces to mention: Richard Ramirez, John Wayne Gacy, and Aileen Wuornosjust to name a few. This may be surprising, but Pisces rank highest on the scale of zodiac signs in serial killers. They are considered to be the most dreamy and artistic, but also capable of complete separation from reality.

I think because they are often victimized, their imagination causes their personality to split. Pisces has a really hard time with emotional disappointment. Much more than other signs, even Cancer. Hence why Pisces often struggle with drug addiction. The Pisces moon enhances my creativity, intuition and psychic ability, but it also makes me dark, self destructive, drug addicted. I have struggled with escapism since childhood, because I often feel unequipped to deal with life. Often I have been quoted saying: “I’m too sensitive for this world”.

I cry when I see lost animal poster for godsakes: “I hope they find that poor dog!” *sniffsniffsobsob*. I feel other peoples feelings as viscerally in my body as if they were my own, and often become ill from too much exposure to other people and their problems. Hence why I like to be alone 50% of the time. Movies frequently make me cry, songs make me cry, violins make me cry…poems, a beautiful sunset, kindness from a stranger, all make me cry. I cry when happy, I cry when sad, I cry in secret most of the time because I am ashamed of how much I cry. One minute I dance around singing to myself like a disney princess brushing my hair gently, with the sunlight glowing through my gold curtains…next minute I am literal death. Can scarcely breathe, I feel like I am dissolving into the nothingness. Its exhausting to be, let alone be around. Yet people have told me my presence is very healing to others. Healing comes naturally, which brings a lot of hangers on. I have deep emotions that confuse me, on one hand I am accepting, on the other clinging desperately to illusion. a split dichotomy.

Venus in leo, makes me very regal, romantic, and PRIDEFUL. My pride has kept me from ever speaking to people again. I have very strong will power when it comes to a perceived slight. I have a strong sense of loyalty and morality, and if people do not meet my standards, I will never view them the same again. Creative, self starting, with grand romantic gestures. I once made a huge book of every drawing, poem, journal entry, photo etc etc I had written about an ex of 13 years. It was the size of a Harry Potter book. Spent hours pouring over all my material, put hours of my time into this thing. I walked to an exes house in the rain with a knife and told him to stab me in the heart at 14 years old. VERY dramatic and intense in love. I love rarely, and when I do i am like a woman possessed. My Venus in leo manifests in the 8th house which is scorpio. So I love–To DEATH. All the heavy sexual intensity, black sinister passion and depth of scorpio, with the drama, the flair and fiery passion of leo. I’m both equally romantic and darkly sexual. Very masochistic, the pisces makes it so, the leo gives me warmth and sincerity, and the scorpio is like a knife twisting in my gut. I always seem to be suffering in love. It’s never pleasant. Rarely do I give up, only if absolutely defeated, in which case I limp off to lick my wounds and feel very bitter for ages.

My mars, is in Aries, which means I am a very aggressive personality. Though I can be soft and sweet with the libra/pisces combo, often I am fiery, combative, arguing is an aphrodisiac for me. If there is no challenge, I bore easily. Can be very bossy, opinionated, self righteous, impulsive. Since mars represents getting what you want, I just go out and take it. I don’t ask, or wait for it to come to me. Often I pursue men, I don’t wait for them to pursue me. When men do pursue me, i find it a bore. I’m attracted to girly looking men, with ultra masculine personalities. I tend to like strong silent types, still waters that run deep. Hence why I usually date Scorpio’s, occasionally Aries. It’s very attractive when a man has an air of mystery about him, and sadly I fall for the bad boy stereotype because of my dad. I don’t beat around the bush, and will tell people the truth often when they are not ready or don’t want to hear it. I hate lies and dishonesty, and will spit venom when necessary to get the truth. I get impatient with wishy washy or indecisive people, because I know what I want, and get frustrated with people who don’t. Sometimes a bit of a bully, though I don’t mean to be. This again also enhances the sexuality. Very aggressive, has to be rough or I will bolt. Many boyfriends were too vanilla for me, and i walked away without a second thought. I rarely am attracted to people, but when I do–I will make it known. People always know where they stand with me.

Thanks for asking :)

[silentasasongbird]

This is a very, VERY long post about my struggle with mental illness.

I’ve always tried to be fairly open about things that have happened in my past, because I feel like now, that I’m older, if I’m open about my experiences, then maybe someone else out there that’s had similar things happen won’t feel so lonely. However; I’ve been debating with myself for this whole month whether or not I should discuss things in complete open honesty, and I finally convinced myself to do it. SO I’m gonna take it way, way back, and go through some experiences, stories, tips, etc. TRIGGER WARNING FOR ABUSE, SEXUAL ASSAULT, SELF-HARM, SUICIDE, and probably other stuff that I’m missing. I will also edit ALL names in this, to keep privacy for those who may not deserve it, but earn the right regardless. 

Ever since I can remember, I’ve ALWAYS experienced life through extremes. I was a very adventurous child, with my joy being so exuberant, my temper so short-fused, my sadness so explosive. But I never, ever realized that it wasn’t how everyone was supposed to feel. Even as a kid, my little crushes on people were so extreme and my rejection so devastating. I was bullied as a kid, too, often times making friends with kind of the odder (but ultimately better, and kinder) classmates. I wasn’t HORRIBLY teased. I wasn’t ever beat up, I wasn’t thrown in trash cans, just enough that every day school was a source of anxiety. I lived on a boat for about three to four years in elementary school, and it was during that time that I was beginning to know what like.. crushes and feelings of that nature were, and I was about 11/12. There was a neighborhood kid, Steven, who was best friends with my older brother. My brother has about four years on me, his friend maybe six? This person was someone who helped babysit me, helped watch over me while my parents worked. I was about 11, he was 16 or 17. He was my first kiss, before I even really fully understood what kissing was. He often touched me in ways that I didn’t KNOW were wrong until later, when I’d do them with a lover. Every single time it felt scary, it felt not okay, but he was like a brother to me, and I figured it was fine. So that was my catapult into the realm of adulthood, which launched me into middle school. 

Middle school for just about everyone is a weird, confusing experience. It was probably a little more confusing for me because I learned that not everyone lives in extremes, and not everyone also loves and crushes on everyone equally. I realized that there was a name for how I felt about people, and it was “bisexual” (Later, after becoming more educated, I learned that I actually identify as pansexual, but life was pretty narrow then.). My body was also changing, as it does for everyone at that age, and with it, my mental health took a serious, immediate drop. I was internally a minefield, just waiting for the moment that my brain and body would completely fall apart. A friend had showed me what cutting was, and I immediately took to that, burning and cutting my body, a thing that stood with me for at least 10 years after that. (I’ve been self harm free for about a year, and I’m 24.) I devolved an eating disorder, and lived with anorexia for years, and I still to this day struggle with it. I fell in love with people often, and when those feelings weren’t returned, or things ended, I lashed out, mainly at myself. And this WHOLE TIME I thought these things were normal. That everyone goes through them, I was just an angsty teen, and I’d get over it. I felt ashamed that everyone else was handling things fine, that everyone else felt the exact same way, and how weak was I to not be able to manage it? I was also a compulsive liar, often fabricating extreme stories to make myself more interesting, because I was so terrified that everyone was going to realize what a wreck I was if they knew what my day to day life really was. The only thing that got me through it was writing songs and poems. I loved music, and loved reading and writing (still do), so it was an excellent outlet for me. The things I wrote were often dark, and graphic, but they kept me alive. One day, a teacher found one of my darker poems about sexual assault, and police got involved. My parents and I both agreed that I should be transferred to a better school. 

When I started highschool, things were very normal for highschool standards. I had been learning how to hide my cuts, how to better hide my emotions, but I wasn’t perfect. I fought with my friends, and I was often terrified of being in a new place without any friends at all. I was overjoyed at any attention I’d get from boys, often falling for those who weren’t the best for me. My first serious boyfriend, Mark, was a guy I dated in 11th grade. I was horribly abused, daily, by this person. Primarily emotionally, and mentally, but he would also throw chairs at me, scream in my face, and pull my hair. Living life as his girlfriend was a never ending nightmare, with me experiencing anxiety so strong, that every. single. day. I would throw up, sometimes multiple times a day. Some girls in my drama troupe thought I was bulimic, but I was so terrified of my self and him that I was physically ill. I’m 5′, and I dropped to a weight under 100. I couldn’t keep anything I ate down, and my hair started falling out. My teachers allowed me to sleep through my classes, or put my head down and silently cry, because they would hear Mark screaming at me outside of classes. Half of my drama troupe put me through hell, insulting me as a cry baby, as a “drama queen” because I was barely holding onto myself. He took my virginity, after I told him repeatedly that I didn’t want to have sex yet, and after vomiting for half an hour, while I lay on the ground sobbing. He absolutely convinced every part of me that that was what love was, and that was who I was going to marry. He would go out most nights, late into the night, to sleep with other women, while telling me I was crazy and making things up. He realized that he could use my mental illness against me, and he did at every chance he got. I often only got two or three hours a night of sleep, as he wouldn’t let me go to bed until he said I could, and would often fall asleep before allowing me to.

I was in hell, for about seven months, and a lot of this stayed with me even to today.

I eventually met someone new, and was semi-happy, not understanding that just because someone is kind to you, doesn’t mean you have to love them. I moved away for college, with my mental health declining more and more with every day. I was unable to attend classes, often laying in bed for days at a time, with my at-the-time fiance coming home, finding me just laying in a bathtub, completely clothed with cold water on for no reason. I wouldn’t leave the house, wouldn’t let him have friends out of fear of abandonment, and one day, he came home to find me hanging from a belt in the closet, just passed out. Another time, he woke up to me throwing up a handful of pills that I had only taken enough to get sick off of, not die. After this, he had one of his only friends, and one of the only people I knew and trusted in this new life of college, watch over me. They would take turns, placing me on a kind of suicide watch. It was easy, as I would often just lay in bed, essentially catatonic. One day, his friend, Jason, got extraordinarily high and started kissing me. I didn’t move, didn’t react, didn’t say yes or no, just laid on my side, like a corpse. And he fucked me. I say this as vulgar as I say this, because it wasn’t kind. It wasn’t loving, it wasn’t even friendly. I was depressed, with matted hair, an un-showered body, and un-brushed teeth, and he did whatever he wanted, and I didn’t stop him. When he was done, I just for once, in probably days, got out of the house, and drove him home. My fiance came home, and I was crying, and told him what happened. The next day, when Jason came over to see us, my fiance confronted him, and Jason broke down crying, admitted what he did. I watched my fiance hug him, comfort him, and admit to him he understood, as I was such a pain in the ass to look after. A few months later, my fiance ended things, and moved away. 

 Almost every relationship I had in college was a mess. I was unstable, with every day becoming worse and worse. But I had a solid group of friends, for once in my life. Two friendships that had survived through middle and highschool (shoutout to Kallen and Regina, usin’ your real names here because you’re the goddamn MVP’s) and some college friends, I was, externally, managing fine. But I was sleeping with anyone who would show affection, often times sleeping with people who had partners, and I didn’t care. I just hoped that anyone would give a fuck about me. When one or two of them actually did, I was impulsive and destructive, hurting them badly by cheating and leaving them. One time when this happened, I realized what a monster I was, cut myself all over my body, and went to jump off of a bridge onto a freeway, or in front of a car. I told a friend what I was doing, and she called the police. I stayed on the phone with another amazing human, who that friend had told what I was going to do. 

 I was walking around the streets at 3 in the morning when the cops found me, handcuffed me, and took me to the hospital.In Florida, they can hold you for 72 hours if there is probable cause that you’re a danger to yourself or someone else. Having proof of texts on my phone and cuts on my body, I was held in a hospital unit for those full 72 hours. I was taken to a room, given a syringe of a clear liquid, and a handful of pills that TO THIS DAY I don’t know what they were. I was exhausted, and they stripped me down and took photos of my naked body, of my tattoos, cuts, eyes, anything that was recognizable, I guess, if I ran away.

I was so, so terrified every second I was there. No doctors would speak to me, and I was given medicine three times a day and never told what it was. I heard people screaming, every single night, and tried so hard not to sleep, but was forced to by whatever medicine I was given. I lied, every second I was in there, so I could get out. I was so, so good at it, with years of practice, and they believed me. I met with a doctor, finally, on the day of my release for SEVEN MINUTES. Seven minutes was the only amount of time I saw anyone other than a nurse or another patient. After seeing a cross in the doctors office,  I pretended I was highly religious, and I finally saw god’s light, and how I was going to make it okay. How I only did these things for attention and he believed me. And let me go.

I was forced to take exit counseling with the university after that, where when a doctor asked me what I had been diagnosed with in the hospital, and I told her I was never told, and that I saw the doctor for seven minutes, she called me a liar, and that they had diagnosed me with major depression, and my memory was failing me. Which, is funny because to this day I remember every single second in that psych ward. I was terrified to contradict her, and I didn’t want to be forced back to the hospital. I eventually got permission to see another therapist, who I saw for two months, and genuinely taught me a few good coping mechanisms. After being put on several different medications, and seeing different therapists and psychiatrists, I got the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. 

Finally, after years of questions and no answers, and suffering SO MUCH, there was a name. I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t losing my mind. I could make it through. If other people live through worse than me, I was fucking going to live.I started going to class. I worked full time, and went to school full time.

When I got into an abusive relationship, he gave me a black eye after three days of dating, I left. It was exhausting, it was painful, but I did it. I was healing, and I was coping. I was living day to day, yes, and I was still relapsing, but I wanted to get better.

One day, my best friend became my boyfriend. We moved out of the shitty town that had shitty memories on every street, and we moved across the country to Ohio. We got engaged, I was getting better every day. We got married, I was getting better every day. We lived at the Grand Canyon, I was getting better every day. We just three weeks ago moved to California, and I’m still getting better every day. I still relapse. I still wake up in the middle of the night from the bad dreams. But when that happens, it feels like I’m just swimming underwater, not being held down and drowning.

I’ve still had suicidal thoughts. I still have to deal with jumps from extreme joy to extreme anger. Julian and I have codes for my days, moods associated with colors, and he’s patient. And I’m patient with myself. I try to be kind to myself, and I try to just still live day to day, but I have a future that I see and I want to get to. I paint, I sing, I write songs. I cut hair, I color hair, I take photographs. I do anything to help me get through the bad times, but I do them.

This is mental illness awareness month, and I’m here to say that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and I’m managing. And I can’t wait to see what tomorrow is going to bring, every single day.