#also now I have to see how Edwin’s sexuality plays into this because it’s so rare netflix has a good storyline about a gay character’s

[philsmeatylegss]

I’m am ashamed to admit that I wasn’t sure I was that into Dead Boy Detectives an account of its dog shit name but I find myself relating a bit too much to Edwin’s backstory episode one and then I got to the consensual cat king in episode two and I’m terrified to admit I’m so beyond hooked

[galacticlamps]

ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--

But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.

And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.

That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.

Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.

And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"

So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.

Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | The Prey (Brown, 1983)

I've mentioned before that I have a weakness for the distinct texture of first wave slashers. Movies that evoke the feeling of being truly lost in the woods and whose minimal budgets offer a sense of grit difficult to capture in more expensive productions. The raison d'etre of slashers (the slashing; also, the T&A) are almost beside the point when it comes to why I enjoy these movies. (Not entirely beside the point though. Folks, I'm only human.) Which is to say that while I don't think The Prey is a very good movie, I probably enjoyed it more than most, even if I perfectly understand the less than stellar reception in my internet circle. This is a movie that tries to coast by almost entirely on those elements and skimps on everything else.

The plot is the same as in many of these movies. Many years ago a forest fire destroyed a community of Romani living in the woods. A group of campers go on a trip to those same woods. Something starts to kill them off. Enough for an eighty minute movie, right? What if I told you that with the exception of the opening scene, there isn't any killing for over thirty minutes into this eighty minute movie, and when the slashing does happen, it's not especially gruesome? What if I also told you that not only do the campers have no personalities, the movie also can't be bothered to feign interest in them, frequently cutting away to odd nature footage at every opportunity? What if even told you that there's barely any nudity?

Now, apparently there's a longer cut featuring a flashback scene with porn actors John Leslie, Arcadia Lake and Eric Edwards that does deliver on the rumpy pumpy (in the words of the late, great Roger Ebert). One of the reasons I bothered to watch this was because I saw their names listed in the credits on IMDb and was interested to see how they'd fare in a horror movie. (I've mentioned before that I have a certain fondness for classic porn actors, at least the ones that can act.) Alas, that scene was not in the cut I watched, leading to some disappointment when the end credits rolled. (I assume there was no end credits stinger where Nick Fury recruits the three of them into the Avengers.) The one character with any personality is a park ranger played by Jackson Bostwick. He has a scene where he recreates a country music album cover by playing his banjo with a can of Coors on the table next to him, another where he pets a cute little deer, and another where he's so enraged by the death of the campers (whom he had just met for like five seconds) that he contemplates shooting a vulture with his tranquilizer gun in revenge. These provide a large percentage of the movie's highlights.

This was directed by Edwin Brown, who co-wrote the screenplay with his wife Summer (who is also credited as producer), both of whom have a background in making hardcore porn films. I can't directly comment on how their overall style (I haven't seen any of the other films they've directed, although I did enjoy China Girl, the porno spy thriller with Annette Haven that they produced), but like Gerard Damiano's Legacy of Satan, another horror movie by a porno director, this exhibits the same struggle in filling up runtime without explicit sex to punctuate the story. (Both, at least in the versions I watched, have minimal sexual content, which seems baffling given their backgrounds.) This movie does it with the aforementioned nature shots, but I found the results surprisingly evocative. Unlike other movies that use nature inserts, the footage here is incorporated pretty nicely into the overall visual style. (The other major visual flourish is the use of POV shots, a genre requisite.) And as shot by the great Joao Fernandes, the movie looks quite handsome and has some nice forest atmosphere. I wish there was more in the way of actual thrills or dread, but the movie is not totally unpleasant to sit through if you like the genre for the same reasons as I do.

[ashes-in-a-jar]

Tma relisten Episodes 6-10

(Still really long)

Alot of really important details that are going to be very relevant later on. Very facinating how early on you find these out. Relistens are good.

Episode 6 squirm

It's a good thing tma doesn't do much of sexual encounters and their connection to entities. While I'm sure that's a thing that in any realistic universe would exist avoiding it was a good choice. This statement was *shudder*

Interesting that she had no visible mark on her. Also being repulsed by police stations because the sectioned officers could have helped.

Naked in the streets after lighting his apartment on fire. What an image.

So technically the worms were in the archives 3 times: when Jane made her first statement, when Timothy hodge made his and when Jane attacked. The worms are very familiar with the magnus institute.

"This story is concerning. Not because of Mr. Hodge’s experience, although I’m sure it was very upsetting." ace Jon talking very technical about "experiences"

" though obviously it’s a tragic loss of life, etcetera, etcetera." Jon being Jon.

Ecdc are aware of Jane and corruption typical attacks which is off the bat interesting world building.

He's skeptic here because of lack of evidence but does admit the existence of a threat in Jane Prentiss

Also! He knows of her from before probably when he was a researcher. This confused me on first listen because I was trying to remember if she was ever mentioned before this. But she wasn't.

Episode 7 the piper

Wilfred kind of sounds like martin in some way but maybe it's just me assigning poetry to anyone like him.

But he hated apathy which might be very Martin like

Gentle sadness and creeping fear from the music. For violence of war... Is that what it means to immortalize it?

It's really cool that the concept of music in this podcast is associated specifically with war and unwarranted violence. There's a very strong statement in there somewhere that needs to be explored.

God this statement was intense. Lying for such a long time in that trench surrounded by violent death. But what's most interesting is that this statement doesn't feel like a supernatural one and yet... The piper was with Wilfred throughout the various battles and bouts of violence until the moment it was officially over. But in a very subtle way.

The description of the piper is really intense with the 3 faces. I think I missed it the first time but hearing that representation of war and fear is something I'm going to look for in artistic depictions now.

Wait. Who is Joseph Rayner? I know of Maxwell but never heard of Joseph.a victim instead of Wilfred? Collaborator with the Slaughter? Hmmm

I wonder how Accidental it was that the statement from 1922 was filed in the 2000s. Maybe to show that the piper never really leaves and the war never really ends. Ever.

Episode 8 burned out

Wow Hilltop Road already! I forgot how many of the first episodes were so important to the plot later on.

"That side of the road backed onto South Park with fences marking the bottom of each garden." this is wrong btw. Hilltop Road in Oxford does not run along Sount Park but is perpendicular to it, meeting it in the corner with Divinity Road which meets with Morrell Avenue which is the road running along South Park. Just FYI because I had to look this up to get a good picture. But I guess Morrell doesn't sound as exciting as Hilltop (which isn't even at the top of the hill smh)

Ivo lensik describes Raymond fielding as white which makes me automatically think he is not. Just a thought that popped in my mind.

Huh. His family had a history of schizophrenia. And his dad was obsessed with fractals. Being followed by The spiral (all the bones are in his hands) was also part of this story really interesting.

Agnes had mousy brown hair and looked like Raymond! Not red hair ( at least at first) like I pictured. Also she was a hell of a creepy child...

So did he time travel? Seeing the moments of Raymond's end? Seems like time doesn't work right in that place anyway.

Web person being devout church goer is also an interesting touch

Father Edwin Burroughs! I forgot he was here too! The knock reminded me of Mr Spider *shiver*

The priest explaining that the church exorcized demons but what not decisive if ghosts exist was hilarious. Jon dismisses paranormal but asks Martin if he's a ghost is opposite of the church.

Hmmm the web pushing him to cut the tree to uncover box from antique table...

Apple full of spiders ugh. Maybe something web was trapped in there by Desolation and ivo managed free it as Agnes was dying.

"We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree." wow that's an obscure thing to find well done Martin!

Jon still looks for credence for this story despite the schizophrenia that could leave him skeptical.

"while I trust Mr. Lensik’s testimony of his own experiences about as far as I can throw a bleeding tree," again Jon with his special brand of jokes.

Episode 9 a Father's love

The Montauk's story! I always thought their family had one of the most tragic ones. The hunt is a really cruel patron with its forced hunger and having other entities use them as tools.

Julia telling the truth of the story to the Magnus Institute instead of the police is also heartbreaking. How desperate and alone she must have felt drowned in that awful literally unbelievable story. The magnus institute feeds off of those people too.

So many of the hunt end up in police it's just... Such a strong statement against that establishment. What do we do to make that less of a horrible, unjust, all consuming system? That feeds on the hunger of some and the abject fear of others? And it doesn't have to be supernatural. It's interesting how season five, of all seasons, is the one that gave us that perspective. The non supernatural one on the subject while the world itself is so far away from the natural. God everything about this idea is so heavy and painful.

I kind of hate Julia's fate because of her background and how much alot of its beginning was out of her control. It's like Daisy. The hunt can never be forgiven no matter how compulsive it is.

The dark that took her mother turned her into part of it? Like the dark liquid?

A dark room to develop his photos of his victims huh? A play on words here.

Oooh they put a heartbeats in the soundscape really cool actually.

So Montauk killed other dark members that tried to leave? For the ritual? Like Julia's mother?

The hunt compelled him to keep the hearts as trophies? which is very self destructive of the hunt to do. Or is it part of the dark ritual with the sacrifices that the heart had to be kept?

I think Montauk was trying to slow down the ritual as revenge that night, rendering the sacrifices he helped create useless. Which is why pitch came after them that night and dissappeared once Montauk finished his ritual.

Sourcing the Serial killer enthusiast community. Love that the archives use whatever source of info they can access.

So Maxwell dissappeared in 1994 from public eye land yet the cult kept working towards a ritual. But now in secret? Their timeline always confused me.

Episode 10 vampire killer

I never noticed Trevor came right after Julia! Oooh this is so much connecting the dots so early on!

Vampires are so disturbing here makes you ever wonder how the hell media like twilight were ever created. But hehe the monster ****er community has always been a vibrant one. Not these vampires tho.

Trevor is so sassy I love his statements. Like Julia it really makes me sad how consumed he became at the end and how awful his death was. Once again the tragedy of the Hunt.

"I taught myself to read, I read as much on the subject as I could, and it isn’t covered often or clearly in those books I have found." can you imagine what kinds of books he might have found during the sexy vampire Era? This is a hilarious picture to paint.

So vampires feed off of blood and not fear which is an interesting creature to have in this kind of universe. Although hunters are also like that but there is still alot of fear and awareness involved with that while the vampires try to conceal themselves until the last moment.

There's alot of mosquito imagery in these vampires which is... Ugh

Also interesting how many time Trevor just uses the vampire's full name. Never shortened and never talked about in another title. Sylvia McDonald this Sylvia McDonald that. Also the other vampire. They always had a name that was psychicly imposed on the victims to be remembered fully. Very Stranger behavior.

Ahhhh the one vampire weakness... Drrrugs.

It's also very flammable which sets interesting precedence to setting unnatural things on fire to make them disappear.

Alard dupont comes in a later statement right? Yeah in 56

Martin was there when the statement was given which was 2010 and in 2016 he's 29 so he worked there for a while! At least since age 23 perhaps we'll find out even earlier. And he was still scared to be found under qualified after all this time! Oof...

I wonder how draining it is to give a statement that it kills someone who is sick.

The government is in on this! Looking for the teeth Trevor gave the institute... Somehow that strikes me as hilarious in the world building of this podcast. And it really leaves Jon no choice but to concede that there is something to the statement even if he refuses to use the term vampire like Trevor did so freely.

[faedawayyy]

A Useless Guide to the Carmichaels

DISCLAIMER: this is a bunch of headcanons that i’ve come up with. OBVIOUSLY since synn and katie and nadine and meg in a way have characters that are tied to their family...BUt these are my original headcanons for the family, so if things aren’t quite right or sound different, it’s bc they’re my most developed family and it’s the way i’ve written them in canon verse!

SYLVIA CARMICHAEL - GRANDMOTHER

sylvia’s family are russian and came over to england after the war. her father was a general and her mother was a seamstress and she was raised in a very, very conservative and upper-class family. she went and studied at st andrews in edinburgh and that’s where she met hank carmichael, who her  father always pushed her towards from the moment he knew of him.  sylvia carries a lot of her family values and clashed with her GEN X kids because their ideologies were so different. for example, she sturggled edwin’s sexuality and oliver’s more liberal mannerisms. it doesn’t stop her from trying to “guide” her grandchildren.

HANK CARMICHAEL - GRANDMOTHER

hank was born and raised in england. his father was an extremely wealthy banker, his mother died when he was young but he never really thought about her because his father never spoke of her. he was raised mainly by his aunt while his father worked around the clock. they were an extremely wealthy family and when he was old enough, hank attended boarding school. he never really had parental guidance and his creativity always ran wild. he was trouble at school, but smart enough not to get caught.  after he graduated from st andrews and moved in with sylvia, he invested his entire trust-fund into a book publishing business, which is still successful to this day. he’s a huge family man due to not having one when he was younger

second generation.

EDWIN CARMICHAEL

edwin is the oldest of sylvia’s and hank’s children and always worked hard to be a people pleaser. he was often referred to as the golden child and the absolute brightest star in his mother’s sky. from an early age, he showed interest in entertainment which hank inspired and supported.

things changed for edwin in the middle of high school when he decided to come out about his sexuality. he was severely bullied and his relationship with sylvia broke down. he STILL hasn’t got the best relationship with his mother, especially after he married his husband, but they stay civil for the rest of the family’s sake. 

he now works in property and lost his confidence in acting when he was bullied.

OLIVER CARMICHAEL

SYNN’S CHARACTER, BUT HERE IS HOW I INTERPRET HIM. oliver is the second oldest child of sylvia and hank. he was rebellious from the start. he never enjoyed trying to live up to edwin’s golden standard, he hated the events and the social climbing. he just wanted to be a regular kid and have regular experiences, but it never happened for him.  when he was 18, it hit him that he was an adult and sylvia and hank have 0 influence over him. he took his trustfund, travelled and got the hell out of violet springs. however, just like with everybody else, age caught him up and he ended up settling in london with a woman he met while backpacking in australia.  he likes his children knowing their family, so he reluctantly shows up to family events but you’d never catch either of them in violet springs if they didn’t have to be.

JAMES CARMICHAEL

james is the middle child and arguably the most successful of the carmichael’s. he was never the favourite and had a streak in him that caused him to clash with hank from a young age. he was a loveable rouge who grew into a loveable white-collard criminal. he was smarter than he let on and had endless ambition.  like edwin, he attended university but instead of picking a profession that hid away from his true ambition, he invested his entire trustfund into a studio in los angeles where he planned to make amazing films...it paid off. he married his wife (patricia) who he met when she worked as a set designer on one of his projects, but it wasn’t all happily ever after.  james played around with money a little too much and tried to take out his competition in shady ways. this led to things getting too much for him and he faked his death almost a year ago. all of his family beside mason believe him to be dead.

JOHNATHAN CARMICHAEL

completely synn’s character, the father of theo

SINEAD CARMICHAEL

sinead was the only girl of five children and completely used it to her advantage. she watched the way her brother’s and father knew how to dominate rooms, conversations and other people. she grew up with the mindset that she could have absolutely anything she wanted, as long as she worked (or cheated) hard enough for it.  sinead dropped out of school at 15 and almost gave her mother an hernia. she blew most of her trust fund on a sweet 16 and then a sweet 18, anything that was left went on her 21st. she’s a very “live in the moment” woman and cares little for consequences.  she actually ended up teaming up with james and starring in a few of his earliest projects before becoming an actress in her own right. she’s blacklisted by a lot of hollywood producers for her refusal to submit and listen to direction. she’s head strong and does what she likes. 

third generation.

RUBY ROSINI - ADOPTED DAUGHTER OF EDWIN.

when ruby was adopted by edwin, there was all round excitement from every single member of the family; a little, brown-eyed girl from italy arriving on their doorsteps. she was so different from the majority blue-eyed children who filled the family tree. the cousins all immediately became protective of her and loved getting to know who she was as a person. now they’re grown up, she’s viewed as a cousin and it’s easy to forget that she was ever adopted or came from anywhere else. 

THOMAS CARMICHAEL - SON OF OLIVER 

thomas is the oldest son of oliver and like his dad, he’s a bit of a free spirit but unlike his dad, he’s a lot more laidback and less likely to clash or argue with anyone. as far as carmichael’s go, he’s quite wholesome and kind and oliver will 100% say that it’s because he was raised away from the madness of their family.  however, growing up away from the others isn’t as good in his eyes as it is in his dad’s. he often feels boring and on the outside, he will always do his best to fit in with the other guys and is easily manipulated. as a child, he got into trouble so many times from listening to the shit brody and leo used to tell him to do. even to this day, he’s overly loyal and attached to them because he’s desperate to feel a real part of the family.

KATELYN CARMICHAEL - DAUGHTER OF OLIVER

katelyn is the oldest of the third generation and oliver’s daughter. she’s blunt, witty and doesn’t mince her words. unlike most of the women in her family, she cares little for appearances or staying in certain social circles. she’s a drama teacher in a high school and enjoys living a normal life, but does dip into the funds of her family name every now and then to have a bit of fun.  she’s a blast at family parties and everybody is always excited to see what scandalous or stupid thing she’ll do next to annoy her grandmother. 

ANASTASIA CARMICHAEL - DAUGHTER OF JAMES 

the oldest of james’ children and undeniably the real favourite. she’s an overachiever and type of girl who was good at everything in school and still is; she’s athletic, artistic, academic, a good mother, an amazing business woman, she’s smart, she’s intuitive, she’s healthy and rarely loses in competitions with her siblings or anyone else for that matter.

anastasia has her daughter, darcy, and is engaged to ryder banks. there’s no love there but like her grandmother, she understands the importance of appearances. you’d have to be crazy if you thought she hasn’t had a string of affairs and STILL has them. however, she also has standards and is very selective over who she lets get close. 

darcy is her #1 priority and she’ll fight fiercely to make sure she always stays that way.

LEONARDO CARMICHAEL - SON OF JAMES

leo is james’ oldest son and again, like anastasia, kind of set the bar in the early days for the rest of his siblings. when it was the two of them and mason, everything was about leo and anastasia, they grew up in constant competition; leo tended to always fall short of his sister’s achievements. however, as they grew and the two of them came into their own, it was clear that leo was never going to be one to be in the shadows for too long - starting with gaining the attention from girls as he grew through high school. even girls in brody’s and miles’s year were heart-eyes over him and he was a few years older.  yet, just like with the rest of his siblings, he was promised and later engaged to somebody that his father handpicked for him to ensure the carmichael wealth wouldn’t dwindle out and fall into the wrong, new money hands.  OOC//i could write more but it doesnt feel right bc he’s now katie’s character. obviously i have my own ideas/fiancee for original leo! 

MASON CARMICHAEL - SON OF JAMES

mason broke the trend of extroverted, go-getter type kids and ended up being the quietest and youngest of the bunch until miles was born. he was a big momma’s boy growing up, and even though he’s never really felt like the favourite, he always enjoyed the company of adults and quieter environments compared to his siblings who would thrive around kids of their own age.  mason is wise beyond his years and it’s a running joke that he was supposed to be born first. he is the only one that knows james isn’t dead and was trusted with this information because even though brody was the favourite by a longshot, james knew mason would keep it quiet and be less affected by the secret.  mason both hates and loves being a part of the carmichaels. he loves his family but also hates the madness that comes along with it.

BRODY CARMICHAEL - SON OF JAMES 

brody never really had to work to be the favourite of his parents - he just is. he had the right amount of intelligence, cockiness and charm to keep adults on side throughout his whole life. ironically, out of everybody in the third generation, he’s probably the biggest fuck up too but the adults turn a blind eye to it because it’s him.  a huge reason he’s favoured by james is because he was clearly enough for charles to allow him to marry his oldest daughter, disney. this was such a big deal for james because charles has a LOT of connections (shady and not shady) in the entertainment industry and he knew the merger between the companies would keep the carmichael legacy in tact for generations.  brody usually rises to being the favourite and is slightly smug about it, but he also cracks the most under pressure and has had dozens of meltdowns over the span of his life growing up.

MILES CARMICHAEL - SON OF JAMES

miles is the youngest...son...of james. james has no idea that patricia had an affair and that miles isn’t actually his son. miles has always struggled severely with keeping up with his siblings. he developed common but crippling mental health issues in his pre-teen years such as depression and anxiety. it started with acting out and being a “problem child” but quickly developed in being too scared to leave the house. he locked himself away and wasted away his young years not really interacting with anyone outside of his immediate family. on top of that, he had he achievements of brody, mason, anastasia and leo to remind him of what a failure is...eventually he just stopped trying.  these days his siblings are supportive and aware of how he can get. his cynicism is literally his humour and he’s just taking one day at a time.

BELLA CARMICHAEL - DAUGHTER OF JAMES

bella was dubbed the next brody. all of her siblings adore her and so do her parents and grandparents. she’s the second child who can do absolutely no wrong in anybody’s eyes. bella was a young star and worked in hollywood making tv cameos long before she started school. she had two lives; her school and dance life, and her celebrity life. she grew up with more life experience than other kids and this made her painfully cunning. she knew exactly how to get people on side and had whoever she wanted wrapped around her little finger.  she and brody were hit hardest by james’s death. bella was all over the place and gained a little weight - something she wasn’t familiar with after being petite her whole life. she’s now just trying to stable herself again.

THEO CARMICHAEL - SON OF JOHNATHAN

SYNN’S CHARACTER

HERA CARMICHAEL-RUSH

hera is the middle child of sinead. she too is inteligent and calculated but she’s also the opposite of the james’s girls. hera has never worked a day in her life and has no intention to. she’s a socialite and just like her mother, does what she wants when she wants to. she lives off of mommy’s money (because her dad bailed on them and honestly, fuck him). hera also came out as bisexual at a christmas party because she knew it’d make sylvia uncomfortable. she’s a wind up and enjoys getting a rise out of people.

OPHELIA CARMICHAEL-RUSH

ophelia is old enough to remember the messy divorce of her parents and adopted her mother’s bad-ass and care free attitude towards it from that day on. she hates her dad for what he did to their family but doesn’t let it hold her back and when she turned 18, she took him to court to keep her name on the inheritance of his million dollar winery business...and won. she’s the trailblazer for her quieter and more introverted siblings. she’s someone who knows she’s gorgeous and uses her looks to her advantage. 

LUNA CARMICHAEL-RUSH

luna has always been shy and hid behind the bolder personalities of her sister’s. she used to feel boring because of it but has quickly accepted that’s who she is and she’s happy with it. as she becomes 26, she’s starting to feel extremely embarrassed and insecure about her lack of experience with anybody. yet, her father walking out makes her find it hard to connect with and trust people. she has high standards and no standards at the same time and is really lost in terms of her romantic relationships. HOWEVER, she is thriving in her career and mason has featured her as an actress in many projects. she currently attends rosewell and enjoys the french culture.

DAMUS CARMICHAEL-RUSH

damus is a pastiche of every criminal and calculated act a carmichael before him has committed. he actively seeks out trouble and due to not being able to find his “place” in the family, he seems to like to win the affections of his elders by getting involved in dodgy dealings that they’ve set up - particularly those of james and johnathan. damus gets a rush out of being in on his family’s darkest secrets but he also feels like a spare part - the one who gets put into dangerous scenarios because the others are too precious to do so.

third generation age order: - katelyn  - anastasia  - leo - thomas - ophelia   - mason  - brody - hera - luna   - ruby - miles   - bella  - damus 

fourth generation (work in progress): - darcy and wren, children of anastasia  - fleur and dixie, daughters of brody  - victoria and peter, children of mason  - jacob and harlow, son of theo

[minyocs]

Name: Morgana Vistel  Fandom: Dungeons & Dragons (Homebrew game)

Age: 22 Occupation: Adventurer Species: Half-elf Gender: Female Family: Thane Vistel (older brother; living), Evey Vistel (younger sister; deceased), Unnamed parents (deceased), Damon Vistel (ancestor; deceased; Watcher) Physical Description: Lithe and fair skinned with shoulder-length, thick, black hair and golden eyes. She has a scar on her chin from a previous skirmish she was in alongside her brother. Pretty features, slightly pointed ears. Hair usually very messy. Personality: (following a 1-2-3 Model). Value - Family. Flaws - Ruthless and Headstrong. Traits - Compassionate, Sincere, and Loyal. Sexuality: Demisexual Backstory: When Morgana was a child, she grew up in a fairly well-off town (Argenhold) that was known for the beautifully ornate jewelry that the artisans produced. This town was located along the mountains of Gentian. Growing up with her older brother (Thane) and baby sister (Evey), she was a happy child who was beginning her studies to become something of a medical professional. She always wanted to help people. When she was fifteen years old, a terrible plague swept through her town, and the powers that be (presumably The Empress) decided the only course of action would be to destroy the town entirely and all of the people in it. Everyone was locked inside the gates, and the entire town was set ablaze, the citizens shot with arrows from the top of the walls if they were caught trying to escape. Morgana and Thane were the only ones who survived the massacre, having hidden themselves under the corpses that were being carted out when all was said and done. Morgana and Thane traveled together after that, having only each other in the world. Both handled the trauma differently, with Thane swearing revenge on the people who murdered their family, and Morgana falling silent for nearly two years as she followed her brother. Her brother became quite the battlemaster, while she turned her talents to the art of being hidden and striking swiftly and silently. The ghosts of their shared past haunted them all along the way. Two months ago, Thane and Morgana were caught in a fight that was over their heads against a band of slavers. This was around the strait between Arvensi and Argoseris. Thane was captured, but caused enough of a commotion for Morgana to be able to escape. He screamed for her to not look back. She ran as far and as fast as she could, vowing to find a way to free him.  Ongoing Story: Morgana arrived on Ralek to try and do some work that would get her a diviner to help her find her brother. Along the way, she met Nerida (a Sirenian Divination wizard), Aedan (a human fighter, later revealed to be Jago Lejune, nephew to the Empress), Shepherd (half-orc druid), and Alistair (satyr bard). While traveling with them, they lost Alistair to a monster, and were shortly after joined by Damien, an elven blood hunter. The party is working to find the lost god-city of Dur, but have been waylaid by a lead on finding Thane. She has also recently learned that Thane’s Watcher was the first Emperor of Altaine, and that Damon (her Watcher/ancestor) was his best friend and Commander during the rebellion that founded the empire. Likes:  Archery, medicine Dislikes: Slavers, the Empress’ family line (for now). Strengths: Stealth, lock-picking, archery Weaknesses: melee combat Notes: Ever since the destruction of Argenhold, Morgana has been able to see spirits, specifically Watchers (spirits of love meant to watch over a mortal). Her own Watcher is her ancestor, Damon Vistel. Her brother’s Watcher is Corasand (Cora for short), and was the first Emperor of Altaine. She doesn’t know yet, but Damon was in love with Corasand in life.

Misc Questions: • KIND OF CLOTHING?: Usually pretty simple. She has been traveling with Thane for the past seven years, so she’s used to traveling light most of the time. She wears studded leather armor. • WHAT ELEMENT WOULD THEY BE?: More likely fire.  • THEME SONG?: “Courage” - P!nk • ALIGNMENT?: Chaotic Neutral • DEADLY SIN THAT BEST REPRESENTS THEM?: Wrath • HOBBIES?: She used to enjoy learning about medicine.  • SPECIAL SKILLS / TALENTS?: She’s very skilled with a bow. Also very good at stealth and picking locks after the past seven years on the road with her brother. • PATIENCE LEVEL?: Usually pretty high, but it’s been wavering.  • REGRETS?: Leaving Thane behind. • ROLE MODEL?: Damon and Cora • MODE OF TRANSPORTATION?: On foot, lately. • PETS?: The party pet seems to be Argos the dog. • WEAPON: Primarily bow & arrow, but she is proficient with a rapier and daggers.  • HOW DO THEY FEEL ABOUT LOVE?: She’s a bit resistant to it, after all she’s been through.  • HOME TOWN?: Argenhold. It no longer exists. • WHERE THEY LIVE NOW?: Nowhere, really. She’s been homeless and traveling with Thane since Argenhold was destroyed. • MAKES A LIVING BY?: Adventuring/hunting creatures. • BAD HABITS?: She’s gotten into the habit of speaking to Damon (or other Watchers/spirits) without much regard for who might hear her.  • DOES THEIR UNIVERSE HAVE A GOD?: Yes, but she puts no faith in the gods. She feels as though they abandoned her, so she’s turned her back on them. • DO GHOSTS OR SUPERNATURAL ENTITIES EXIST IN THEIR’ WORLD?: Yes. She sees and speaks to ghosts on a regular basis.  • OUTLOOK ON LIFE?: Despite everything she’s experienced, she still believes that there has to be good in the world. She is outwardly warm towards people, and has even told Nerida that “Sometimes allowing people to be close to you is painful, but it’s always worth it.”    • MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THEIR LIFE: Thane. • WHAT WAS YOUR CHARACTER LIKE AS A CHILD?: Very outgoing and curious. She wanted to learn a lot.  • WHAT IS SOMETHING OTHER PEOPLE ASSUME ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER?: She has a haunted look about her, so people are often kinder towards her because they assume she’s seen some shit. They have no idea just how much.  • LANGUAGES SPOKEN: Celestial, Common, Elvish, Goblin, Sylvan • ENNEAGRAM TYPE? Reformer • SIBLINGS?: Thane (living), and Evey (deceased)  • HAVE THEY EVER WANTED TO COMMIT SUICIDE?: She seriously considered it after what happened in Argenhold. It was Damon talking to her that kept her from going through with it.  • CLOSE FRIENDS?: Damon and Cora. But living, she’s starting to grow closer to Nerida.  • AS A CHILD, WHAT DID THEY WANT TO BE WHEN THEY GREW UP?: She wanted to be a doctor. She had just begun an apprenticeship when Argenhold was destroyed.  • BELIEF IN AN AFTERLIFE?: Yes. • WANTS TO GET MARRIED?: She hasn’t considered it. Subconsciously, she wonders if she’s too broken for anyone to love her.  • WANTS TO HAVE KIDS, RAISE A FAMILY?: Again, she hasn’t considered it.   • SWORN ENEMY?: Admiral Navarch, for destroying her home. Edwin “Eddie” Bellamy, for taking her brother. • IS THEIR NAME A PUN OF ANYTHING?: I technically tried to derive her name from Morgan le Fey. Also, she sees dead people, so I wanted to play with the sound of “morgue”  • MOST TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE?: The burning of Argenhold. • FAVORITE MEMORY?: When she was a little girl, Thane brought her into town to take part in a festival that was being held. She still looks back on that time fondly, thinking of the bright lights and colors floating overhead.  • ARE THEY TICKLISH?: Yes.   • IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN THEIR LIFE: Thane, Damon, Cora. She’s starting to feel like Nerida, Shepherd and Aedan/Jago are important, but she’s not there yet (especially with Jago. She feels pretty betrayed by finding out he’s actually related to the Empress) • IF THEY COULD HAVE ONE THING IN THE WORLD?: If anyone were to actually sit down and ask her, she would tell them that she just wants family and a home.  • WOULD THEY DARE KILL SOMEONE?: With ease, if it meant getting Thane back. She’s not proud of it, but she would also be very willing to torture to get him back.  • INVOLVED WITH MAGIC OR WITCHCRAFT?: Not technically. She has some ghostly-related abilities, but they aren’t inherently magical. 

[harrisongslimited]

An Impossible Task - John Wick Fanfic

A/N - Welcome to the slow burn portion of our show. This was so much fun to write. I hope you are enjoying it because I’m having a great time writing it!

T/W - swearing, drinking, sexuality

Chapter 5

John offered to drive her car into the city and Cassie agreed. She really disliked going into the city -- the noise, the traffic, the people – she just wasn’t used to it. John wanted to drive so it would give him something else to concentrate on.  He couldn’t get Cassie out of his thoughts; it was like a song playing over and over in his head. Part of him understood. Cassie was an attractive woman with a delicate sensuality that intrigued him. Yet part of him felt like he was betraying Helen, even though the note she left him said he should find “someone to love”. But how could he get into a relationship with Cassie? With anyone, really. Cassie didn’t know about him. She didn’t know what he did and he didn’t want her to. She had probably saved his life and now he owed her. Owed her as if she had his marker.

Cassie’s cell phone went off when they were about 10 minutes away from the hotel. She answered it with a sigh and said, “Hello?”

“Cassie? It’s Deloris. Where are you?” she asked urgently.

“Hi Deloris, what’s up? Are you okay?”

“The police were here looking for you. They asked if I’d seen you so I told them I saw you and your brother yesterday. They need to talk to you. They said it’s important.”

“Okay Deloris. Don’t worry. Everything is fine,” Cassie reassured her. “I’ll call them.”

“It’s Braxton PD.”

“Thank you so much Deloris. Please don’t worry. It’s nothing to worry about, okay? You take care and I’ll talk to you later.”  

Cassie hung up with Deloris and then told John what she had said. “Are the police after you?”

“No,” he answered.

“How did you end up at Braxton Memorial?”

John shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Somebody is after you then, right?”

“I don’t know,” he said.

“Do you really not know or are you just not telling me?”

John looked at her. “I really don’t know.”

 After the valet took the car, John and Cassie, together with the dog, walked into downtown Manhattan’s Continental Hotel and went directly to the front desk. The concierge greeted John warmly. “Mr. Wick, nice to see you again. You’ll be staying with us…?”

“…An indefinite amount of time,” John answered, evenly. Cassie watched as John passed him a gold coin in a very precise manner. She thought it odd, but shrugged her shoulders.

“Very well. Do you need help with any baggage?”

“No. But do you still have the bag I left here last time?”

“Of course. I will have it sent up to your room. It is room number 405.”

John turned to Cassie. “Cassie this is Charon. Charon, Cassie.”

Charon bowed slightly to Cassie. “Cassie,” he said.

“Nice to meet you, Charon,” Cassie responded.

“Will you be taking the dog with you, sir, or would you like me to take care of him?”

“If you could take care of him, I’d appreciate it.”

“No problem, sir,” Charon answered.

“Thank you,” John said and turned to leave. He told the dog to stay and he obeyed perfectly.

Cassie wondered what kind of hotel this was. A long term residence type of hotel? It seemed very high class with oak paneling on the walls and almost antique fixtures.There was a light gold hue over the entire hotel.

John escorted Cassie to the lounge and ordered a glass of red wine for her. Again, Cassie watched as a gold coin was passed to the bartender.

Cassie rolled ideas around in her mind. “Was this a token kind of system for members maybe? Was it a different type of currency she didn’t know about?”

“I’ll be right back,” John said, breaking her concentration. “Just make yourself comfortable.”

Cassie thanked him and watched as he walked away. She looked around at her surroundings and immediately felt like a sore thumb. Everyone, men and women alike, were dressed in business suits and Cassie was in jeans and a sweater, with a winter jacket by her side. This was obviously some kind of executive hotel.  The server brought her the glass of wine and she gratefully took a sip, the liquid warming her as it went down her throat.

 As John walked away from her, his thoughts centered on the red sweater Cassie was wearing that curved around her figure so perfectly and those jeans that form fit around her lovely hips and thighs. He closed his eyes momentarily to shut out the image of her, but it simply wouldn’t go away. That hand running down his forehead and into his hair. The pure scent of her. The pitch of her voice. The risk she took helping him get out of the hospital, going on sheer, blind faith.

Was he being given a second chance? John knew he didn’t even deserve a first chance. That chance with Helen. But now was he being given another shot at a normal life? A normal life in the face of everything he had gone through? Was he being given a chance to choose…between retirement or a permanent ticket to serve the high table, between finding out how he ended up at the exit of Braxton Community Medical Center half dead or letting it go and leaving the service? But what had they told him? No one gets out and comes back in expecting to leave again. It just didn’t work that way.

But Cassie. How did Cassie fit in all this? John wanted her…he felt the want way down in his soul. But he also knew he continued to mourn Helen. How did he justify that?

Cassie took another sip of wine and thought about what she was going to do about the police at her front door. Was John going to throw her out in the lake and see if she could swim or was he going to put her in the boat? Well, at the very least, she was alive. John hadn’t killed her in the middle of the night, which was a good thing, she laughed to herself. But what could the police possibly want with her…or was it John they wanted? Was he a missing person or a wanted man?

Her little voice said neither, but it didn’t take her any further than that. He was mixed up in some stupid shit, that she knew, but it didn’t diminish her wild thoughts about him. His strong, muscular arms wrapping around her body, the feel of his powerful chest pressed against hers, sweeping that long, black hair out of his face, those thick, athletic thighs between her own, and those full lips coming down to meet hers.

Cassie shifted in her chair and looked around as if someone could read her thoughts. She never fantasized about a patient that way. Never. And she had taken care of some very handsome, charismatic men. So what made John Wick different?

Pheromones. Fairies brought the pheromones and bewitched her. That was it, she laughed to herself.  Some kind of magical invisible mist that made her want him. Made her care about him. She had no other explanation and that would have to do for now.

Buried in fantasy land, she didn’t see John approach her. Cassie looked up when she heard him order a bourbon from the server and sat down across from her. He was dressed in a dark charcoal suit with a black turtleneck sweater and Cassie’s breath caught in her throat. His black hair was combed back and around his ears. Cassie stomped on her own foot and bit her lip.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” she exclaimed to herself, finally closing her mouth after it dropped open.

 “Thank you very much for dinner but I had better get going home,” Cassie told him as they finished eating at the Continental’s restaurant. “I’ve got a 90 minute drive in front of me, Deloris and the police to deal with. But before I go, let me check your wounds. I want to make sure there’s no infection and that they are healing well.”

“Fine, but I’m going to go back with you to straighten this out with the police,” John said.

“That’s not necessary, John.”

“Yes it is,” he answered, standing up from the table. “I’m not going to let you drown on my behalf. I’m sure it’ll be fixed quickly. It’s probably just a case of clearing the report Edwin Baker made about a man with no ID.”

“But John, you told Edwin your name. Why would the police still be interested in this?”

They stood from the table and once again Cassie felt self-conscious in her jeans and sweater. It seemed to  her that every guest there was on a mission. They all walked with purpose. No one was slacking, and no one seemed to know anyone else. For the number of people in the hotel, it was exceptionally quiet and anonymous.

“I don’t know,” John finally answered her. “I don’t know why they would still be interested in this.”

When Cassie rounded the table, John touched her elbow to lead her to the elevator. When he touched her, she felt a storm break out in her body. Her blood pressure sky-rocketed, her brain became foggy and her knees wanted to fold. In response, she tripped over the carpeting and falling backwards, landed in John’s arms.

Horrified, she looked up to see soft, milk chocolate eyes shining down at her and lips curled up into a slight smile.

“One,” she said holding up her index finger. “may I remind you. One glass of wine. I’m clearly as clumsy stone straight as I would be drunk.”

John laughed and holding her by the waist, leaned her back up to her feet. He held on a second longer than he needed to and her hair brushed the side of his face. A light, fruity scent floated to him from her shampoo and closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.

John felt intoxicated with the feel of her in his arms -- it nearly overwhelmed him. It had been so long, so long since he held Helen and made love to her. Could he even think Cassie might want him? He stood close to her as the elevator door closed and he pushed number 4.  Thoughts of Cassie wanting him, loving him, flooded his mind and body so strongly, he almost couldn’t control it. It felt like he had no control over his own body, over the automatic reaction to her closeness, to the smell of her shampoo, to the thoughts of her lazily running a tender hand through his hair, to wondering what she would be like with her naked body underneath his. John swallowed hard as he felt growing feelings in his pants.

Cassie turned to look at him and smiled when he took her elbow to lead her out of the elevator and down to his room.  She had no idea what she was doing to him. No idea.

[northern-angel]

Cooke Household round 1

Julien Cooke

Aspiration: Popularity/Knowledge

LTW: Become Celebrity Chef

Job: Fast Food Shift manager (Culinary Level 3)

OTH: Cuisine

ACR Preference: Bisexual

We start with Julien cooking himself some breakfast.

Then, presumably after he ate the food he cooked, he moves on the daily crossword puzzle in the paper.

And then does some skill-related reading.

After all that I was thoroughly bored so I sent him out to the Veronaville Market, hoping something interesting might happen. Apparently he doesn’t like the flowers I used to decorate around the beautiful pond I built. Screw you Julien!

Now if George McCarthy thinking “who is this dapper gentleman?” or is he thinking “Dude it’s the 21st century, not the 19th!”

Julien is very happy with his aesthetic though, so who cares what forever teen over there thinks.

Maybe someone will come play with him?

These two are immediate Double Bolters, even if Nina is a bit of a sore loser.

Is Edwin Sharpe doing the kitten startle reflex or is he mocking the Human Statue NPC’s artistry?

Nina heads off to grab a bite, and I notice Florence Delarosa is walking by. I had somewaht hoped these two might be a match, but alas zero chemistry (I had also thought Julien might make a good match for Kent Capp, but again no lightning bolts)

Still despite their lack of sexual sparkage, the two hit it off and Florence thinks about kissing.

Silly Dormie and Host NPC, I do not care enough about you for you to get to marrying into a Playable family. But I will flail if Julien’s only good matches are the Sims equivalent of Red Shirts.

Oh great, just what the lot needed.

Should I be worried about Julien? Or is if perfectly normal to discuss trains with an empty seat...

Nothing sinister happening behind you at all there Julien.

Nina comes over to discuss their respective meals, whilst Romeo wonders if anyone would notice him eating those leftovers. The answer is yes, Hermia will totally notice and judge you and tell her sister.

I feel that Nina might be making a bit of a low blow here, I mean hate the Unsavoury Charlatan because he’s a conman and thief, not because you find him repellant sexually.

That waitress is totally pissed off that they are conversing in the worst possible place.

Back at home Julien has a nap in his new recliner (I really wish Sims could nap on their beds like they can in Sims 3)

And then off to work.

Whilst at work this chance card comes up. I mean who chooses the first option? It’s a burger place, people will be pissed off if there are no burgers.

Fortunately this choice goes well for me, but I know I’ve had a bad outcome choosing that way before.

Not only did he get a skill point and a bonus, but also a promotion to Host.

I think he’s talking to Florence there, but it could be Nina or someone else. I don’t know ok.

Off to work in his snazzy new uniform the next day.

And this time it’s a hobby chance card.

It’s a good thing I’d already had this one whilst playing the Pleasants.

Julien invites Florence over after work.

He really likes her milkshake, he’s just concerned he might be lactose intolerant.

For a supposedly skilled chef, Julien doesn’t actually have that many cooking skill points.

They end the night deciding that they make great friends but nothing else.

This must be the next day after work, and I assume he’s chatting to someone on that doorstep of a laptop.

And then I sent him out to the makeover of the Old Silo Farm. The next few pictures are just me showing off how pretty this lot is. I apologise!

Oh look here’s Julien cooking some burgers. That’s the sort of thing you’re all actually reading for right?

Julien likes the look of Lola, so I send him over to meet her. I think Ana Patel recognises Julien from work.

Another scenery pic, but have you ever seen such pretty toilets in your life?

Julien and Lola hit it off very quickly, possibly because Lola is under the false impression that Julien has money.

Thinks start to take a more romantic turn, and this is the point that I remember that Lola is already dating Ajay Loner. Oops.

Everyone loves being tickled in the Sims world, what kind of freakish world is that?

And now some kickey bag in the pouring rain.

Lola subtly feels Julien out over the size of his bank balance, and a lightning bolt nicely lights the scene. I need to go put more lights on this lot.

Some cute flirting going on here.

And now Julien is crushing on this beautiful green-skinned goddess.

Dancing in the rain.

And Julien goes in for his first kiss.

I had never noticed how pointy Julien’s ears where before this, and now I have this whole headcanon about how he’s adopted and he came to live in Veronaville to ask the Fae Royal Couple to help him track down his Fae parent.

This first kiss is so much better than the one Lola and Ajay had.

Awwww!!!! Also is there no view on this lot that isn’t pretty?

Another kiss, this time overlooking the pond.

Even the rain puddles don’t ruin the romantic atmosphere. Mental note, must send more Veronaville folk on dates to this lot.

Is it her alien genes that make her so strong or does she just hit the gym a lot?

I am incredibly proud of this picture, I just wish it wasn’t quite so dark.

At least in the dark it’s a little harder to see that lovely bright blue accessory mesh fail that is orbiting Lola.

The date ends as a Dream Date. I believe Ajay only managed a Great Date. How do I decide which paramour she stays with? Just lock the first engagement want? Or could they work out as a Thruple? Maybe Ajay isn’t entirely straight...

I have no idea what is going on with their body language here, they almost look like they are about to do a celebratory chest bump or something.

Back at home Lola pops by to leave a bouquet. That is quite the round trip to Strangetown just to leave flowers.

And that’s it for Julien. Hope you’ve enjoyed my silliness.

[winryofresembool]

Matilda’s story

Summary: Emma Rockbell-Elric’s (aka Ed&Winry’s daughter) girlfriend Matilda writes about different periods of her life, from accepting her sexuality to meeting and getting together with Emma.

A/N: Don’t worry guys, Edwin is on its way too! But I thought it would be fun to introduce you guys to one of my OC ships, aka Emilda :’) I imagine Matilda is writing this story to people who are in a lot of self doubt (about their sexuality etc), to make them feel better about their situation. 

Words: 1950ish

Warnings: some adult themes mentioned, nothing explicit

...

Matilda’s POV:

This is going to be a very personal story, but maybe sharing it will help someone reading it.

When I was a kid, I always preferred stories that had cool girl protagonists instead of boys. Blegh. They were just annoying. My favorite bands were girl bands and my favorite movie stars were also women. It hadn’t even occurred to me that some girls could like /boy bands/. Well, I was a kid, so it didn’t matter what I liked and what not. Our tastes were still developing, after all.  

When I was 11, a girl friend of mine kissed me on the cheek, probably as a thank you for something I had done. I couldn’t forget about it for a week, and I didn’t understand why. Now I know better: the little Matilda had her first crush. But that wasn’t an option to the 11-year-old me. When I told my mum I thought a friend of mine looked cute, in an innocent way, she told me to be quiet and made me play with a neighbor’s son. I didn’t like that kid at all, by the way. He was constantly pulling my hair and claimed I looked like a “lesbeean” in my pink clothes. I had no idea what that word meant. That was the way I had been raised.

I grew older and the friends around me started getting boyfriends. My mum was constantly asking if I had one too. I felt there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want one! After she had asked me that same old question many times enough, I finally gave up and asked a male friend of mine if we could go on a date. He said yes, and all of a sudden I had my first boyfriend. He was actually fairly nice, and we did like the same kind of movies, so picking a date spot was pretty easy. But it didn’t take him long to say he knew I didn’t like him that way. He was right, though, and so I experienced my first “break up”. 

After a while, I started feeling the pressure of getting another boyfriend. The same thing happened as with the previous guy; we broke up due to the lack of chemistry.

Life went on, but the dating life started getting more challenging: I was already 18 and the people around me had a sex life. I had such a hard time imagining me doing it, and I even thought at one point I might have been an ace. Then I met a guy I genuinely liked and decided: “heck it. It’s not a big deal, so let’s just get it done.” And so we did. And it was absolutely awful. I blamed the fact that it was my first time, because of course I had heard that it’s supposed to hurt and all that stuff. But in reality, it was more than that. I felt extremely uncomfortable, awkward, vulnerable, even scared. I felt like I shouldn’t have been there, I just wanted to leave as soon as it started!

Well, it’s safe to say it didn’t happen with that guy again. He was surprisingly understanding when I tried to explain my feelings, though, and he too suggested I might be a-sexual. I just admitted: yeah, it’s possible. However, I had started doubting that because one time, when I went to get a casual cup of coffee with this same ex boyfriend of mine, I noticed that our heads were turning in the same direction when a good looking woman passed us. I had tried to deny it, but it was getting harder: I was attracted to women.

The time at the university was a new beginning to me. I met a lot of people. New, more open minded people. I finally learned to accept that women loving women really was a thing, and it opened a new world to me. I let myself have crushes, and sometimes when things got “wild”, I might even have kissed another woman. My mother’s conservative voice was nagging in my head regularly, but I learned to tune it down.

But there was one specific encounter that I will never forget. In my first architecture class I saw a pretty, blonde haired and blue eyed girl. She seemed shy at first, dressed in black, avoiding eye contact, trying to make her already small frame even smaller. But then the professor started asking questions and suddenly she woke up, a fire in her eyes when she started debating with the professor on some topic that was so advanced I didn’t even understand it. And I had always thought I knew plenty about architecture. The debate had to end at some point so the professor could go back to her regularly scheduled teaching, but the girl stayed in the classroom afterwards and continued the conversation. I was both impressed and intimidated by her.

It turned out, that was definitely not the last time I saw that girl. Not too long after, I was put into the same group with her when we were doing group assignments and – we got into a fight. As I had suspected from the moment I saw her, our ideas of architecture in general were so different that we had a very hard time finding a common ground. She thought alchemy could make everything 100% easier, I claimed it was hocus pocus. Our fight got so bad that at the end of one group session she told me she would talk to the professor the next day and ask to join another group.

She never got that far though; that same night my cat went missing and I was searching for him from the campus area for a long while. Finally, I found him in a tree, but he didn’t want to come down. I tried treats, I tried toys, but no luck. I was too afraid to climb after him because I was sure the branches would have broken under my weight. Suddenly, the blonde girl appeared and asked me what was wrong. I showed her the cat on the tree and without hesitation she started climbing like a ninja. At that point I was wondering if there was anything that girl couldn’t do. She caught my kitty and brought him down to me, acting like a whole different person compared to a couple of hours earlier. I asked why she was like that, and she simply said “what happens in the classroom, stays in the classroom”.

I decided to invite this weird girl for a cup of tea as a thank you for saving my cat and because I felt there was so much about her I didn’t know yet. She had made me so curious. We had a lot of fun talking about anything non school related, and she didn’t leave for several hours. I introduced her to my cats, and she showed pics of her dog. When she was finally leaving, she tugged my hair a bit, looked straight into my eyes, and said “you’re not so bad, after all, Kitty.” Someone else might have gotten offended, but I saw her expression, and knew it was her way of saying “we are friends now, like it or not.” Oh, and she didn’t change her group after all.

It would be nice to say my relationship issues were over once I started uni, but that’s not true. I wasn’t really seeing anyone for a long while, while my friendship with Emma deepened, starting some rumors among the people around me. Eventually, my mum heard I may be seeing a girl from the uni and she called me home for a talk. I took Emma with me, or rather, she insisted she come. With her support, I told her that yes, I may be into girls, but no, we are not dating. My mother wasn’t happy with that announcement, telling me I was not welcome back home unless I “changed my mind about women”. Emma dragged me into her car, but she herself went back to tell a couple of well-chosen words to my mother, and when she came back, she was having a devilish smile on her face. She claimed that habit was simply in her Elric blood, which I soon realized was true when she introduced me to her family. They were incredible people, so different from my family. Getting distance between me and my parents was not an easy decision, but it’s one I now understand was necessary for my happiness.

A couple of years later, another incident happened: I was on the swimming team and one day decided to train with Emma, who, while not as fast as I am, made up for it with her stamina. Unfortunately, some guys from the men’s team were at the hall at the same time with us, and one of them started hitting on me. I had a hard time getting rid of him because he kept insisting I should go out with him, even blocking my way at one point. It started getting quite scary, so Emma, bless her, came to my rescue. She wrapped her arm around my waist and planted a kiss on my cheek, claiming I was her girlfriend, and if the guys wanted to have something to do with me, she’d be ready to fight. I have no doubt she would. I have heard stories of her dad’s past…

Anyway, one of the assholes said he wanted more proof so Emma didn’t hesitate. She kissed me straight on the mouth and I kept seeing stars for a minute. Once the stars were gone, I noticed we were already in the shower room (apparently Emma had dragged me there) and she apologized for acting like that. I think my answer was just incoherent blabbering, because honestly, I was just wishing she would do it again. Because in that moment I knew I was in love with Emma Rockbell-Elric.

A few years went by and I was in a constant state of suffering because I could not tell her how I felt. I had seen Emma flirting with a lot of other people, both girls and boys, so I was positive the kiss had not meant anything, and I couldn’t risk our friendship. But eventually, we decided to go on a trip, just the two of us, and little did we know that trip would change everything. It all started innocently. We were supposed to just go down to the hotel bar for a couple of drinks and maybe dance a bit, but… something turned off in my brain. Before I knew it, we were kissing, and back in our room, and… it was the best evening of my life. But then… then she broke my heart.

Now, Emma, if you’re reading this, don’t worry. I know why you did what you did, and you’ve been forgiven a long time ago. Maybe I just added that here to remind people that relationships require work, because no one is perfect, but we did solve our issues, and everything’s better than fine now. We are now living together and having our own kids, aka our pets. Thanks to my girlfriend, I’ve learned to accept myself the way I am, and I have also found myself a new supportive family who really cares about me, and is there for me when I need it. So, my message to people in need of help is: it will get better. Just be who you are, because you’re amazing. That’s what Emma tells me.

Ps. to my dog loving alchemy freak girlfriend: I love you. 

[itsjovi-baby]

Babygirl | Edwin Honoret

Warnings: Oral sex

Description: Zari helps Edwin to realease his frustration, only to be left frustrated—James Dean Pt. 2

A/N: By the way this was meant to be written as a Nick imagine, so sorry if it doesn’t fit Edwin’s vibe, but I did want him to get his revenge. So, whatevs, but sorry if it sucks. AND the concept of sensual Edwin was totally forgotten, lol, so...oops

Edwin had come home frustrated, pissed.

Zari could tell by the way the front door slammed behind him, the barely mumbled 'hey', the forgotten kiss on her cheek. That wasn't the only telltale sign of the boy's frustration, because beginning yesterday he wasn't supposed to be home. He was supposed to be at the PrettyMuch house getting ready for their promotions and preparing for the tour, not stomping throughout their apartment, slamming shit. 

Zar’s fingers paused, hovering over her keyboards as she listened to his mumbled listening to his mumbled curses as he bumbled around their room. Zari took a deep breath before pushing her laptop off of her lap and making her way to their room, where Edwin was currently slamming the bathroom cabinets.

"Where the fuck is the purple shampoo?" He muttered to himself, his eyebrow furrowing as he stared into the organized cabinet.

"Third drawer," Zari called softly from the doorway, her soft eyes taking in his clenched jaw and tensed shoulders. She jumped a little at the door harshly closing as he moved onto the drawers.

“It’s not in here,” Edwin snapped as he pushed through the many bottles in the drawer. Zari rolled her eyes as she pushed past the boy to grab at the purple bottle in the drawer. A closed lip smile spread across her face as she turned around to show off the shimmer lights bottle; with narrowed eyes Edwin snatched the bottle, placing it on the counter as he exited the bathroom. 

Somebody's in a bad mood, Zari thought as she moved to turn on the shower for the boy.  

After making sure the shower was on its hottest setting, she plopped herself on their bed.  Her eyes filling with amusement as she watched the boy yank off his shirt.  Her eyes drifted over his back, mesmerized by the shifting of his muscles and the tattoos that were littered over his arms

Damn, I’m lucky.

"Don't you got something better to do than to watch me?" Edwin snarled, as he kicked his shoes into the closet and placed his shirt in the hamper.

Zari raised an eyebrow at his tone,"Ohh, somebody's angry."

"Zari, I'm not in the mood for you," Edwin grumbled, making his way to their dresser in search of a shirt and sweatpants. Zari reached out, grabbing onto his wrist, she pulled the boy to stand in front of her.  Those big doe eyes of hers staring up at him as her fingers slowly dragged up his defined stomach, "Zari."

"You gonna tell me what's wrong with you?" Zari mumbled, pushing the boy back so that she could stand up in front of him.

"I-I'm, it's--ugh," Edwin took a deep breath, his hands coming up to wipe at his face as Zari wrapped around his waist, "The boys--the everything."

"What happened?"

"Zion and Austin kept fucking around, I couldn't get the steps rights, an-and it’s just--."

Zari shushed him, her hand coming up to cover his mouth, "Breathe, babyboy. You need to breathe."

Edwin listened, his eyes closing as he breathed in the honey scent that lingered around Zari.

"Now you're gonna go take a shower," Zari mumbled, "And I'm going to get things ready to...defrustrate you."

"What does that mean?" Edwin shakes his head, his eyebrow furrowed.

"It means go take a shower," Zari giggled pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, "Go."

A smirk fell onto her lips once she heard the sound of the shower door being opened and closed.  Zari knew it wasn't just the frustrations of tour preparations, that had Edwin in a mood, she also hadn't helped. It had been five days since the kitchen fiasco, five days since there had been any sexual, intimate contact between the two.  The fiasco had not only shaken Zari up a bit but it had turned her whole world upside down.  

Initially, she was fine, joking and giggling about how Edwin's James Dean moment to her friends, but three days later she had found herself in the submissive role again. They had gone from cuddling on the couch and watching Friends with Benefits, to Edwin on top of her, mouth attached to her neck as his fingers trailed up her shirt.

"Babyboy," Zari had cooed, her fingers tugging at his silverish curls. 

She had expected a whimper, a buck of his hips, not for him to pin her hands above her head with a scoff, "Yeah, I don't think so babygirl."

Babygirl. 

It had her shook to the core, the words sounding like heaven from his lips. It had brought on both excitement and fear inside her body. Excitement, because since the kitchen fiasco, her dreams had been filled with the thought of Edwin taking control; Fear, because as he had continued to place kisses along her neck, she could feel her control slipping through her fingers. Ultimately, fear had won over and Zari had shoved Edwin off of her. They hadn’t talked about it since. 

The bathroom door opened shaking her from her thoughts. 

“Hey, bab-” Edwin stopped, his eyes widening at the sight of Zari. From he fluffed out halo co curls n coils, to the beautiful bright, yellow babydoll that clung to her rich, brown skin. “Holy shit.”

“Hey,” Zari was nervous as hell, her heart beating out of place as she watched him walk slowly towards her, his eyes dancing across her. 

“What’s this?”His voice soft and husky, yet it held a tone of surprise.

It wasn’t like Zari had never dressed up for the boy, on many occasions she had, it was just that normally when it came to her dressing up there was a dominant aurora that surrounded her. She didn’t look as shy or fragile as she did now.

Zari’s heartbeat was pounding in her ears, but she knew it was now or never. She just had to say it, “I want you to take the lead.”

“What?”

“I want you to dominate me,” She replied staring wide-eyed up to the boy, “I figured it would help you...get some of the anger out.”

“Wait, so let me get this straight,” Edwin chuckled throwing the towel that was over his shower onto the dresser, “I get to take the lead, and you have to do what I say?”

“Don’t make me regret this Edwin.”

“Sorry baby its just-you were so standoffish last time, I was just trying to see where this came from”

“From me,” Zari heaved as she sat on their bed, “I was...surprised last time, E. I’ve never been the, you know, bottom. I’m always in control and when you went to take it, it scared the shit out me.”

Zari gnawed on her lip nervously, "But I want it, I want you," Her eyes fastened onto his, "I want you to make me take it."

"Okay," Edwin smiled softly sitting down next to her, "You sure?"

"Yeah, just don't Rico Strong me, yet, okay?"

Edwin chuckled, "I'm starting to question how much porn you watch when I'm not here? Wait, yet?"

"Yeah, yet, and it's not that much," She giggled taking a deep breath as Edwin began to place soft kisses along her exposed shoulder. A whimper slipping from her lips once he reached the area where her shoulder and neck connected, "Edwin."

She was trying not to think about it, not think about taking control of the situation, but the anxiousness, the nervousness was arising. It was feeling like her first time all over again, the first and really the only time she had let a guy take charge of the bedroom. With the memory of her first boyfriend leaving her unsatisfied playing in her head, she couldn’t help but try to fight Edwin when he kissed her. Her hand reaching up to caress his nape and pull him closer into the kiss. Edwin grunted into the kiss almost forgetting that he was the one in charge tonight. 

He pulled her onto his lap, leaning his chin up to continue their kiss. Zari fell into her normal rhythm--tugging on his hair, nipping at his lips--totally forgetting about what she had agreed upon before. Edwin smirked into the kiss as his hand rubbed over the round of her ass before his hand raised up and came down in a harsh smack.

“Oh!” Zari’s eyes stared down at her smirking boyfriend,”What the hell!”

“Language, Zari.”

“You could’ve at lea-” Smack!

Zari whimpered, gnawing on her bottom lip as Edwin rubbed his hand over the area. Edwin smacked at her ass again, a smile coming over her lips as he listened to the moan slip between her lips, “Do you like it, baby? When I smack your ass?”

“Yes,” Zari gasped, nodding her head. Smack!

“Yes what?”

“Daddy?” Edwin hummed cocking his head at the answer, “Papi?”

“That’s more like it.” He smiled, “Now lay back, babygirl.”

Zari whined softly at the word, doing what was asked of her nonetheless, her hands coming up to caress his jaw, pulling his lips to hers. His tongue glided smoothly against hers, deepening the kiss as he became more desperate. The progressive roughness, along with his hands disappearing underneath the babydoll tip, caused a moan to rumble from Zari’s chest.

Edwin was teasing, giving her a piece of her own medicine, as he slowly dragged his nails along the sides of her stomach. With his lips never unlatching from hers he took Zari’s hands and intertwine their fingers before pinning them above her head. Edwin’s lips wandered to her cheek and jaw, kissing slowly until he reached her neck and grazed along her collarbone. Zari hissed, her legs widening as Edwin ground his hips against hers. 

“Oh shit,” Zari exhaled, closing her eyes tightly, “Edw-papi.”

“Good girl,” he chuckled, his lips coming back to hers to peck them, “Open those pretty eyes babygirl.”

Zari whined again at the nickname, her eyes opening to witness the boy sit up between her legs and remove his t-shirt. Her eyes immediately took in his visuals, tattoos that contrasted against his golden skin, had her hand reaching up to touch. Edwin chuckled softly at the feeling of her fingers gliding over his skin and her hooded eyes following after them. 

“Take this off for me, babygirl,” Edwin murmured tugging at the hem of her babydoll top.

It didn’t go unnoticed by Edwin how her thighs tried to clench together at him saying ‘babygirl’, but he ignored it, for now, his eyes focusing onto her naked torso instead, “Fuck.”

His lips descended to her neck again before quickly making their way to her chest, his wet tongue leaving sloppy kisses in his wake. Once he had reached her breast, he sucked at the flesh, his head at the perfect place for Zari to tangle her fingers into his hair. He took a hard nipple into his wet mouth, his soft tongues pushing onto the hardened bud. Zari whimpered in pleasure her hips rolling forward against his, “Papi...”

“Hmm,” Edwin hummed his lips moving to the other breast as his fingers dipped into her yellow, laced panties to tug them off. Edwin waisted no time in getting himself situated, Zari’s thighs parted for him. and pressing his tongue against her core.

“Mmm,” Zari moaned, her head relaxing deep into the pillow as her hips bucked against his mouth, “Fuck.”

Edwin’s tongue lapped at her clit dutifully, making sure every inch of her was tasted. With his hands clutching her thighs tightly, Zari was able to gyrate her hips against his mouth, feeling his moans vibrate against her core, “Keep going, baby girl.”

“Oh my god,” Zari cried, her fingers threading through his hair and tugging. Normally she would have told him, no demanded him not to stop, but this time all she could do was beg, “E--Papi, please don’t stop.”

Edwin chuckled his tongue circling over her clit faster as he tightened his hold on her shaking thighs. Zari hissed, sitting up a bit to gaze down at her boyfriend’s head between her thighs. Edwin pulled away his eyes trained on hers as he blew cool air over the swollen bud, “So sweet babygirl.”

He went back to work, pushing on of her legs to spread them apart further, Zari’s pussy was on full display. His animalistic stare had her squirming, feeling almost unconfident about her body. She was used to being the admirer, not the admiree. Edwin dived back in, a lot rougher this time, his tongue adding more pressure onto the already swollen bud, “Ohh--fuck!”

“Ohh--holy shit--Edwin!” Zari yelped at the feeling of his tongue pushing into her entrance. Her moans and whimpers had ignited a fire within him, his mission becoming very clear as continued. Edwin pulled away, sucking on his index and middle finger, he allowed them to circle over her clit before they replaced his tongue. Zari jolted, her eyes rolling back at the feeling of his fingers curling up into her g-spot, his tongue now occupied with toying with her clit. Her back arched, lower back completely off the bed as her fingers scrapped against his scalp. Her moans and cries ringing across their room. Suddenly, Zari popped up the palms of her hands pushing his face more into his core, “ Just like that, don’t stop!”

And he did. Edwin completely pulled away, licking her essence of his lips as he looked at her.

“What the fuck, Edwin!”

“Knees.”

“W-what?” Zari’s chest heaved her core throbbing at the rejection of her orgasm.

“I said,” Edwin’s voice had dropped a few octaves, “get on your knees.” 

He pulled off his shirt, throwing it to the other side of his bed, his hands calmly and slowly slipping into his sweatpants as he stared down at her, “Now, babygirl.”

Zari’s eyes widened, slowly sliding down off of the bed as her eyes stayed locked on his.

“Well, are you just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna get to it?”

Zari’s hands shook as she grabbed at the waistband and tugged his sweatpants down. Her mouth watered at the sight of his hardened cock. 

“Open,” Edwin commanded his hand grabbing at the base of his cock, while his other tangled into her hair. He groaned, running the tip of his cock against her tongue. Slowly and unconsciously, Zari started to take control back. Her hands wrapped around his calve muscles, stopping him from rocking his hips into her mouth. It didn’t take long for her hands to join in unison, with her hollowed cheeks, in bringing Edwin to pleasure. 

“You really are gorgeous, babygirl,” He chuckled, stroking a thumb against her cheeks. He knew his compliments were boosting her ego, her hand and mouth moving faster around his cock: he also knew that the compliment would distract her from his change in demeanor, “but so disobedient.”

His hand tightened around the makeshift ponytail, pulling her mouth completely down to the base of his cock. A loud moan leaving his lips at the way her throat constricted around his cock. As Zari stared up, her mouth full, she could see it, all of the tension slipping away from his body as he dwelled into the pleasure. “Zari--fuck--that feels so good.”

He relinquished his hold on her head, allowing her time to breath before he was stuffing his cock back inside her mouth. Zari hollowed her cheeks, the pressure of her mouth causing a hiss to slip past his lips. His head tilting back as his hips started a steady rhythm, “Shit, babygirl--you feel so good, baby. Let me see your tongue.”

Zari moaned, her core clenching at the feeling of his cock dragging slowly against her tongue. His head hung down, his eyes threatening to close at the sight in front of him. He was close, his stomach muscles twitching at the thought of cumming down her mouth, “Oh, fuck Zari. You're going to make me cum babygirl. Is that what you want? for me to cum down your throat?”

Tears brimmed her eyes, a hum coming from her mouth in approval of his question. Her hands coming up to grasp at his cock and lick up the prominent vein. It was the slurping noises that made him lose it. His hips bucked out of his control and upwards, pushing himself further into her throat. He was so close. So close.

“It feels so fucking good, just a little more, babygirl. Please, just—oh fuck!”  with one more swipe on the underside of his tip, he felt the surge of his orgasm overtake him completely, hissing and moaning. Without thinking about he gripped on Zari’s hair holding her still as he thrusted into her mouth; every drop of his essence spilling onto her tongue and down her throat, “Fuck, baby.”

Zari pulled off of him with a pop, her eyes looking obediently into his hooded ones as he watched her lick around her lips. Edwin chuckled tilting her head upwards to mash his lips against hers, her hands grasping his face to deepen the kiss. He pulled away placing a small kiss on her forehead as he pulled his sweatpants back up, “Good girl, now go take a bath.”

Zari stared at him, her big brown eyes narrowing at the statement, “What? What about me?”

“Sorry, baby, not enough time,” Edwin smirked grabbing his shirt and yanking it over his head as he headed towards the door, “I have to head back. Love you”

“Head back?” Zari mumbled using her top to wipe off the slobber off her chest, as the realization of what he just said kicked in, “Edwin, I get all dressed up for you and you just leave me!”

“Bye!”

[00412]

What it means to be a lesbian

AGE 4- We played house in front of my actual house in the bushes.  It was me, girl J, boy J, and C.  boy j begged me to kiss him and I just didn’t want to.  I wasn’t opposed to kissing girl J though.

AGE 4- My cousin makes friends with a girl named Nivea.  I think she is beautiful and it makes me feel very good when she compliments me

AGE 5- Kindergarten!!! I make friends with a lot of girls in my grade! Including one named L!  I’m obsessed with a 6th grader named Erica.  She’s friends with one of my cousins.  I love when she lets me sit next to them.  She even invited me over to their teen sleepover!  I leave because I’m scared of her dog.

AGE 5- My first real boy crush! Edwin... then Blake.  They have nice eyes and lips.  I could never tell them

AGE 6-Martin... Phoenix.  I really like boys I swear, I could never let them find out, but eventually they did.  Alexandria told, and she never spoke to me again.  Neither did the boys

AGE 6-I made friends with the kids of my parents friends.  Often when I went to visit or they visited me we would kiss and it ended up in some kind of sexual activity.  There was T,then R... Then M... the list goes on... Really.

AGE 6- Me and L sleepover each others houses.  We love to take bubble baths together and touch each other.  Our favorite is cuddling while watching movies.  Sometimes we practiced touching each other.

AGE 7- Ray...no Reynold.  He likes you too!  You even write his name in clay all over your bedroom wall.  Your parents beat you and made you wash it off though.  You called him once.

AGE 8-  My first real boyfriend!! Jay and you are REALLY in love... like REALLY in love.  You play and kiss at school all the time.  You even had “sex” with him.  You think your pregnant! Your parents ban you from seeing him.

AGE 8- Happy Birthday! You basically had threesome with A,L, and girl J.  You wonder why you stopped thinking about your boyfriend so much when your with your friends

AGE 9- Akida.  You guys become best friends.  GTA, Shrek and Ramen noodles were our best friends.  We made out a lot after 4 o clock.  Why didn’t I call my boyfriend

AGE 9- Ruthie.  You guys are best best friends.  You never do anything sexual, but you love to hang out with each other.  Paint each others nails, do each others hair, take trips and pictures together... friendship

AGE 10-Ruthie isn’t home but her sister is.  You play with her until she gets back.  She has a warm smile and you talk in her room.  She pushes you in the closet and you start making out.  She pulls down your pants and, unknowingly you’re having sex.  It feels really good.  You never felt this before.  When she stops your confused.  She kisses you again.  You leave before Ruthie gets back.  

AGE 10-  She’s not home again.  Her sister is of course. We do it again.  It feels even better.  Her brother opens the closet.  He threatens to tell their mom.  I leave very confused.  

AGE 10- Her sister keeps trying to pull me away to do it.  I don’t want to get in trouble.  I don’t want her to get in trouble.  I liked every moment.  We’re too young.  She doesn’t speak to me.

AGE 11- Where is my boyfriend? We’ve been together for 3 years now and I only see him at school.  We kiss a lot and they separate our classes.  We don’t really call each other anymore.  I forget about him on the weekend.  Why do I always do that?  Most of my girl friends hate me.  We sneak to talk on the phone.  I made friends at dance class.

AGE 12- Middle school!!!! Your boyfriend doesn���t talk to you anymore.  You don’t know why.  You meet a lot of nice girls at dance class.  They smell nice even though they’re sweaty. You want to be like them.  You especially love to watch their bodies move while their dancing.  You make one friend in particular.  Her name is N.  She’s loud, crazy, and fun.  

AGE 12-  You have your first sleepover at N’s house.  You’re cuddling little do you realize.  Her mother comes in and says friends shouldn’t cuddle like that.

AGE 13- N’s your best friend.  You guys go to the same school!  You like to hold hands and cuddle a lot.  She starts to go through puberty.  You already did so you know what happens, but you can’t stop staring at her. You guys like to talk about boys and getting her a boyfriend.

AGE 13- Andrew.  He was your first middle school boyfriend.  Biked all the way to your new house to see you.  For some reason he never wanted to kiss you.  He moves away in two weeks.

AGE 13-Shaq.  He’s an older boy and knows what he wants.  Sometimes after he breaks up with you he throws you up against a wall and starts making out with you.  You think it’s mature, and he’s experienced.  It kind of scares you.  You don’t want it to go any further.  His breath smells.

AGE 13- V- A boy your age!!! He really likes you! and you like him too!  He’s really immature to you though but he likes to make out.  You don’t like his breath or his smell but you like to play in his hair.  You guys tell funny jokes.  He cheats on you with your best friend but you don’t care.

AGE 13- P- you guys become friends too!   You hang out with the older crowd, you have cool hobbies, you go to parties, and you didn’t even need drugs to have that much fun because you made the party.  You could almost like her, if only N wasn’t jealous of your friendship.  You find out she slept with V and pretend it hurts more than the crush.

AGE 14-You and N are at an all time high of affection.  People at school start to notice.  Are you gay?

AGE 14-N told me what gay was.  I never knew what it meant to be attracted to the same sex, but I knew how it felt.  I guess I like girls?

AGE 14- T.  We went to elementary school together and he always liked me.  P2 liked him too.  I went to his house and made out with him.  I caught the bus home and never spoke to him again.

AGE 14- Why do I watch girls bodies dancing all the time?  Why do I like to see girls naked?  Why do I anticipate cuddling or touching my friends?  Why do I always forget about the boys that I liked.  Mom always said I was boy crazy.  Why is it so easy to forget them when I’m with my friends?  Why do I stare at the beautiful girl on the bus every day?  Why do I know every picture this girl has posted.  Why do I stare at girls pictures so much?  I like their style.  I want to be like them.  Why do I think about kissing her?

AGE 14- “I think I like girls”. At least that’s what I told my mother.  Her response; “no you don’t”

AGE 14- P likes D.  She says as a friend so I develop a crush.  He’s very passive, no chalant, cool guy.  He never cares about any of my romantic advances, but he’s great to talk to online.  We kiss each other but he doesn’t want more to our friendship.  Reluctantly I accept.

AGE 14- N convinces me to try dating a girl.  Her name is Q.  She’s hilarious, intelligent, quickwitted, and very pretty.  We never see each other out of school really, but she called me every day.  We would talk for hours.  I felt very connected.   She wanted to kiss me on Valentines Day.  She told me I didn’t know how to kiss and broke up with me shortly after.  She still loved her ex and I missed D... or maybe I just wanted attention... or both.

AGE 14- D and i talk all the time online but barely see each other.  His family loves me.  He talks to other people about my business.  He says I’m a crazy stalker. He never told me to my face.

AGE 14- I make friends with his friends, especially one named K.  We talk about how much of a jerk D can be.  He understands, and cares... My first real guy friend.

AGE 15- D and I are upset with each other on and off.  We liked each other in privacy.  I never had sex before... at least with a boy at the time.  It’s summer time and I paid him a visit.  Without much lead up we try to have sex.  We kiss until our clothes are off and when he pulls it out I’m very dry.  I tried to put it in but, nothing.  We lay in bed together.

AGE 16-  You’re bi?  No pan. No, lesbian?  Idk, you still get crushes on guys but most you would never pursue.  The daydreams about girls are stronger.  You try dating more girls.  

AGE 16-  You date a girl named C.  She’s not out yet but you don’t know that.  She’s really nice and you guys bond a lot outside of school.  Mostly at her house when her parents aren’t home.  Your mom doesn’t really care for her too much, and isn’t exactly non vocal about it.  She never breaks up with you know when it’s over.

AGE 17- I think I’m gay.  Boys are just objectively attractive.  Maybe, if the right boy were to come by you might try it 

AGE 17- College.  You crush on a girl, she rejects you and tells you she isn’t interested in women at all.

AGE 17- Remember K?  The friend you confided in? You really like his company, but you also notice something different.  He likes you... a lot.  He puts his hand in the chair.  You’re uncomfortable to sit but he’s nice.  Is he the right boy?

AGE 17- It’s been almost 2 years since you’ve kissed someone. He likes you and you like him too, at least you think.  You guys kiss and while your body is reacting your mind is not following

AGE 17- You and K start dating!  Your friendship means a lot to each other, and that’s how relationships start right?  He wants to have sex a lot, but you’re just not comfortable. All the signs add up, he likes you, you don’t hate kissing him, but something just doesn’t feel right.  After week 3 you finally give in.  It’s not bad but it’s not good.  Is this what the first time is like?

AGE 17- The more you think about him, the more uncomfortable you get with your relationship.  Do you like when your lips touch? He’s your friend.   Do you like the way he feels?  This is the right thing to do. Does the sex make you feel something? Are you moving too fast?  Maybe you’re not ready for a relationship.  It’s only been a month.  You call it off.  Maybe you just need to focus on school, BUT YOU GUYS ARE STILL FRIENDS NO MATTER WHAT.

AGE 18- Happy Birthday! First tattoo! First night out at the club!  Remember that crush?  She kissed you goodnight.  You’re happy but confused.

AGE 18-  You guys start dating.  You finally gain the courage to tell K.  He is very upset.  He needs some space.  You understand.  He stops talking to you for a few months.  

AGE 18- Things are going great!  You guys really like each other, hanging out with each other, but something doesn’t feel right.  K calls from time to time, you usually don’t leave without feeling guilty.  Your mom doesn’t like your crush.  She wants you to move.  You try but your car breaks down.  All the money for the deposit now goes to the car.

AGE 18- She’s not over an ex.  She’s not out to her family. You’re no longer intimate. K keeps calling.  You miss his friendship.  He misses you.

AGE 18- It’s summer and hot. You vent to K.  He misses you.  You tell him you want friendship.  He lays his hand on your thigh.  You start to cry.  He wants to get back together.  You don’t know what you want

AGE 18-You last for 6 months.  

AGE 18-You tell K what happened.  He listens.  You’re lonely.  He listens. He’s there.  Maybe he is the one?  You cry while sucking his dick

AGE 18- ATTENTION; It’s been 6 months since your break up with your ex gf.  You guys have casual sex.  It’s been a while that you’ve felt wanted.  You are wanted.  Maybe you do like him?  You want to be in a relationship.  He needs time to trust you again.  In the meantime use your body.

AGE 19- You’re back together again!!! Things are going great! You’re happy! Someone likes you and you’re more than over your ex. Someone asks your sexual orientation, who are you again? Let’s try queer.

AGE 19- You can only think about girls when you masturbate.  He asks what you would do to a girl that you couldn’t do to him.  It’s not the same.

AGE 19- Sex.  You’re definitely having more of it but what are you not enjoying?  Is it his penis?  Too big too small? Does he not know how to pleasure you?  Fingers too big?  Is it the birth control?  This is starting to look a lot more like high school.

AGE 20-  Why do you cry every time you guys have sex but you can make yourself cum six times in one session.  Why do you feel disgusted every time he cums on the floor, in your mouth?  Why do hate the smell of his sweat? His cuddles?  Why do you avoid and agonize every time he wants to initiate sex?  Why do you keep thinking about N?  Why do you keep thinking about the cashier from two weeks ago?

AGE 20- It’s August. You don’t know what’s different than last August but you’re just not the same.  Awakening.  It’s been 3 months since the last time you had sex and before then, it was rare.  It’s time.

AGE 20- You tell him you don’t want to do it anymore.  He admits to cheating on you with another girl.  It didn’t matter though because you planned on calling it off anyway.  He still wants a fwb.  You just want to be done.  He wants to still have a sexual connection.  You say maybe so he stops, but never again is the real answer.

AGE 20-You’re gay. Not bi. Not pan. Not queer.  Just a lesbian.  It’s refreshing.  You haven’t felt this pure since you were 13.

AGE 20- Remember that girl, N?  Well you guys have sex and the answers begin to unfold. The truth has always been there but you begin to understand it.  You are now vulnerable.  You know what it means to love.  You know what it means to hate.  You know what it truly means to be gay, but even more a time and a place for things.  

AGE 21- You meet a girl again.  You’ve always known each other but you move from a distance.  You went to elementary school together, in fact you reminded her she dated your ex K.  None of that matters though because your eyes are on her, and hers on you.  She has 3 days left before she moves to Florida.  Why not?

AGE 22-It’s been almost a year since you’ve been together.  You have your own apartment.  A kitty.  Things make sense.  Things are clear.  Her lips sunkiss you and the burn lasts long after she leaves.  She brings the truth in you every day.  She teaches you what it means to love; honestly, openly, truthfully.  She makes you proud and confident in the person you are and the being your becoming.  More than anything she moves you in a way your four year old self only daydreamed about.

[ionica01]

Tagged

Maud girl, I love you, but you'll hate me for this ramble😅 A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed. Well, I'll go with all of them. For OTP, my biggest are EdWin and Royai (from FMA), Karmanami from Assassination Classroom and NaLu from FT. Friendships... I love GrayLu platonically and RoyxMaes is the best brotp😍 and of course I freaking loooove all friendships from Haikyuu and Akatsuki no Yona... And I love Zen and Mitsuhide's relationship in Akagami no shirayuki-hime and Al and Ed are best bros and the freaking platinocial relationship between Handa and Naru gets me everytime and I should probably gp to the next ask before I ramble more than necessary. B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind. Asano x Nakamura... I never even imagined them as a couple... Until I read a perfect fanfiction... And now I ship⛵️⛵️ C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will. I'll be hated.... But EdxRoy (just no, okay?! Mustang's like a dad to Ed!!) and Shirayuki x Obi because Zen😍😍 (I love their friendship tho) D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t. Yamaguchi x Yachi because I wnat Yams to be happy... But HinaYachi is love, HinaYachi is life!! E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what? Not yet, but I joined FMABigBang so I'll add Ed being an overprotective drama queen (or rather, king) dad, so stay tuned! F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? Hmm... Almost a year in the FT fanfom!!! Happy birthday, I guess? G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it? I live for my OTPs! (Which just proved why I'm still single... I have my whole life aheeeaaaad~~) I think one of my first conscious OTPs (in that I knew what that was) was Harry x Hermione and it was shattered to pieces... Damn you, JK Rowling! (I still love you). H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)? Hmm... Anime. Because it's lively and you can actually picture the characters miving when reading a fanfic! I agree with manga too... And sometimes books. Movies feel just too real to be placed in cartoons, though. I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why? No, but the haters were closed to it. Tho I did stop liking the small Usagi Drop fandom because of the manga spoilers that ruined my experience... To those who want to watch it, take my friendly advice, PLEASE don't read the manga. The anime is the fluffiest thing, so please just watch that. J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.) Bnha, which is why I started reading it. And Voltron.... I'll watch that soon, too. K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc? Uhm... Well that's a hard one. I absolutely love the subtle and endearing development in Oreki (hyouka) and Haruhi in Ouran, but my favourite has to go to Tsukki for how well-built it was!! Furudate-sensei, I bow im front of you. Also, honrable mention to Karma in Assassination Clasroom. L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.) I don't especially love oikawa. I admire him a tone, and I have a lot of his quotes forever saved in my phone, and I think he's the best setter of them all (I'm sorry, he has more experience and tehnique than Kags or Asaaahi, tho I agree that they'll become better than him in one year's time). So there: I aknowledge his amazingness altough he isn't my fave. M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend. Edward. I want to spend a full day with him and learn how alchemy works (and we'd complain together about how short we are). Also, Haruhi: I feel like she'd give the best advice when I'd need it. N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice). My faveourite fandom is FMA: everyone gets love and attention, and there's little to no hate. What I'd like for it is to make it alive again! I mean, there are events and the such, but the manga finished almost 10 years ago, guys! I hope the new live action will bring us back alive. O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of? Hmm... Well On my Own by Ashes Remain was the first one that popped into my head and it kind of reminds me pf Natsu. He's that character that would always smile, but he's always surpressing his feeling ('I've been stuck in a cage with my doubt/I tried forever getting out on my own') P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas). Random AU...? Honestly, I'm not the biggest AU fan, but if I had to, I'd choose 'we've been stuck in a traffic jam for two hours and we're bored, let's play cards; hey wait Gray, you're cheeting; no way I'm not!; mira, doing cutesy things won't help you win... Laxus don't give in!!; if Laxus is allied with Mira so is the thunder legion! Then I'm starting one on my own! Erza, I'll join... Great, now we have Wendy on Erza's side... All dragon slayers together! And exceeds! Wait lucy, starting a female club isn't gonna help ya! ...guys? That's not how you play pocker!' AU. Okay, I may like this one in particular. Maybe I'll write it:) Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why. I've abandoned the HP fandom. I still like the books, but I kinda grew out of it...? (And into anime😇) R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom? Uhm... In which one? If I'm going with FT, my favourite friendship is GrayLu. In FMA, it's a tie... I love Roy/Hughes brotp and Al/Ed brotp. In Haikyuu... Damn they're too many to choose! But I'd say the Karasuno third years: they have such a tight-knit bond!! And in AssClass it would be Karma/Okuda (it's canon in my mind but friendship in the manga). I just love how easygoing they are. Also, I love Karma/Nagisa in the second half. S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged) Hmm... There are many. My fetish is seeing people sleep: I think you can tell alot about their inner selfes from the position they use when sleeping and from their habits, because they can't control or put up a façade when it comes to that. So my headcanon is that despite being loud and obnoxious, Natsu actually occupies less space than Lucy when sleeping: he takes a baby-posture, while she lashes all over the bed, sometimes punching him im sleep unintentionately. Natsu learnt to deal with it: he actually likes holding Lucy close to make sure she's safe while sleeping. She doesn't mind, especially not during winter. Oh and they also cuddle with a cup of hot coffee in their hands during the morning. Just an after-thought~~ T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? I do! I don't care if you agree or not, but Karma can be sweet, okay? Like he can actually be a good boyfriend (tho maybe a bit possessive). He's the best at telling what's on Okuda's mind and he always buys her toffee when she's feeling down. Oh and also, Riza is a very good mother, always putting her family first. Just letting you know. U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites. Yes!! 1)Karma-assassination classroom. He's that one character that believes he's the best, only to get proven that he can be wrong. What's evenbegter is how he has room to develop and grow to be a better person... Plus, it seems I have a thing for evil goofballs. 2)This is a hard one, but Ed/Roy-Fullmetal Alchemist. I abso-freaking-lutely love all the characters in FMA, but these two attracted my attention. Ed because of how he thinks, how he wants to do good deeds in spite of his thorny exterior and how he miserably fails. I love the way he admits his failures and the way he deals with them can be childish (he's 14, for God's sake!) but he learns from them. Also, Roy because even though he went through Ishval, he still dreams of making the world a better place. I can respect a man who doesn't step over the ethics just to achieve that dream and who always bends and avoides hurting others, while never giving up. Maybe it's a dream, but I very much resonate with it. 3) Lucy from FT. She's the one character in Fairy Tail that has enough of a backstory and is weak enough to evolve. Moreover, she's not your typical girl: yes, she cares about how she looks, because she IS an woman, but she also cares about what's on the inside. She cares about her friends more than anything and even without being the strongest mage, still puts herself in danger for them. I love her resolve and her cute side, too. V - Which character do you relate to most? Hmm... Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran Highschool Host Club. Haruhi is the type to do things on her own and she repells the help of others to do her thing, which I also tend to do. Also, she shoulders a lot of her worries by herself. Plus, she never judges people on appearance and doesn't care about her own (being a girl, that's rare and helps me relate all the more). I just love her😍 (and sometimes am compared to her by my friends). W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom. Whiny female protagonist. I'm not a feminist or anything, but I've had enough of that! Yes, we all want a prince charming, but we can carry ourselves, thank you very much. X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom. Someone pursuing their dreams. Also, I love genre deconstructions (browny points if it's comedic). Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)? Voltron and Yuri on Ice (I feel like I've watched this shows even though I haven't). Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.) Don't tempt me, I will! ( I kinda have this whole post tho) Okay so I'll rant about FMA because I feel it doesn't get all he love it deserves!!! (And because I refrained from fangirling on it up to now) And since we're talking FMA, let's talk Roy Mustang (you knew this would come). Roy is just one of those very strong people that are actually just goofballs on the interior and need love. Seriously, let's take a look at what this guy went through, ok? He's an orphan, but he never complains and learnt to love his cousins (sisters) and aunt (mom). He was taught by a pretty crazy (very talented, but Hawkeye did have a screw loose for inscripting a tatoo on Riza's back and you can't convince me otherwise) alchemist, and yet he managed to become the next flame alchemy. Despite being told not to, he joined the military with a childish dream and even after learning of the harsh reality in the Ishval war, he still went on believing that he can make the country a better place. Yet he's not perfect: he can lose his temper when it comes to those he loves (Mustang being killed) and he doesn't want any more people to die. He cheerisbes his team and wants to keep them all safe. He can be a cheapskate and also a bit of an annoying guy with Ed, and he can be obnoxious, yet funny as hell (tiny miniskirts!!!) Above all, Mustang feels HUMAN! Yes, he puts up a great act, but it's an *act*. He has a more sensitive side and you better not mess with it, or he'll burn you to ashes. This concludes the short version of my Roy Mustang appeciation post. Also, I have some headcanons about him being best dad (and his child being a daddy's girl/boy because of it) and of being a pretty intimidating Führer. This concludes my post. @bookstvseriesandanimes and @paperrabbit13 know what I'm talking about😅 And I tag @bookstvseriesandanimes @paperrabbit13 @shoujoinsights @candyforever123 @funnyshoujomoments and whoever else feels up to it:)

[merlinficreview]

The Student Prince: Chapters 11-15 Review!

The Student Prince by FayJay

Word Count: 145222

Chapter 11

This chapter opens with Merlin guiltily thinking about how obsessed he’s become with Arthur. “All of which was clearly not healthy, and was also, when you got right down to it, kind of unpleasantly creepy, and made Merlin feel guilty as hell – because in spite of all the prattishness, and in spite of Arthur's complete failure to notice that Merlin kept right on saving his ungrateful arse from various supernatural uglies – well, they were becoming friends.” At least Merlin recognizes he’s being a total creeper.

In order to try and get over Arthur, Merlin has decided to go to one of his GaySoc Club meetings and pick up a one night stand. This will surely end super well.

“And that's how he found himself standing outside The Victoria Cafe, chewing his bottom lip nervously and wondering whether he should have worn jeans instead of battered cargo pants.” Definitely should have worn jeans instead of a gross ripped up pair of cargo pants, Merlin. I’m glad he’s getting out though, and meeting with new people.

There’s some super awkward and inappropriate “wand” jokes from Cedric. Gross. This is how Cedric is described by the way: “…the latter was whippet-thin and had a ratty little goatee and a very disconcerting gleam in his eye,” and, “Merlin looked back at Cedric, who was wearing a remarkable lime-green shirt that gave him the impression of a cadaverous weasel wrapped in a very large leaf, and sighed.” Pretty gross sounding, right?

Cedric then realizes he recognizes Merlin from the Sophia Falling off the Ladder Fiasco and freaks out. “’Fair play, Merlin,’ said Catrina, looking impressed. ‘Didn't think you had it in you.’ ‘Oh my God, have you had it in you, you jammy bitch?’ demanded Cedric, his eyes bulging. ‘Spill! Tell us everything! What does he wear in bed? Where did you meet him? Does that yummy policeman protect him in the bedroom too?’”

YIKES. Cedric JUST met Merlin and he’s been super gross every time he opens his mouth. Get away from him, Merlin.

Merlin excuses himself to go get a drink and I don’t blame him. Honestly, I probably would have just left if someone was talking to me the way Cedric was talking to Merlin. While at the bar, Edwin corners Merlin and hits on him in a much less creepy, but still side-eye worthy, way and asks him about the Kraken. This is like all supernatural tv shows where everyone is all, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL NO ONE YOUR SECRET!!” but then like more people know the secret than people who don’t.

Merlin and Edwin go exploring some castle. It’s a pretty short scene and ends with Edwin kissing Merlin. Then Merlin is back at the dorm, drunkenly getting into his room.

Merlin knocks over a chair and wakes up Arthur. They have a really awkward conversation about Merlin going to his GaySoc meeting. Arthur asks Merlin if he hooked up with someone and Merlin gets super defensive about it. While, I don’t blame him because I’m sure he’s put up with quite a bit of homophobia, this is the passage: “’Did you cop off with somebody, then?’ Arthur asked, as if he just couldn't help himself. He was staring at Merlin's pink, spit-slick mouth and watching the motion of the toothbrush inside his cheek, and his breath was coming a little too fast. Merlin's eyes narrowed, and he spat out the toothpaste and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand,” also: “Arthur swallowed. ‘Why would I have a problem with that?’ he asked, his voice sounding hoarse. ‘It's no skin off my nose.’ He looked away, his cheeks flushing a vivid, blotchy red in the lamplight, and lay back down.” That’s clearly not Arthur being offended but rather Arthur trying to restrain himself from getting into Merlin’s pants.

Arthur tells Merlin he was just trying to take an interest in Merlin’s life. Merlin apologizes and they go to bed.

Chapter 12

This chapter opens with Merlin and Arthur tied together for a three legged-race for charity. Merlin is less than enthused, “’No, seriously – I had to do this stuff at school,’ he explained. ‘I was pants. Honestly. Pants. Sack race, egg-and-spoon race, wheelbarrow race – I'm just not your man for this kind of thing! I always came last!’” You could always have told Arthur, “no,” Merlin. Arthur has a million bodyguards he could have teamed up with.

“Merlin looked around at the rest of the people in the room, trying to see a sympathetic face somewhere ready to help him out of his predicament. He could not possibly spend an evening getting progressively less sober, with Prince Arthur locked against him ankle-to-ankle and hip-to-hip. It was cruel and unusual punishment, and he was going to lodge a formal complaint. Somewhere.” This is just annoying Merlin, you’re been exceptionally dramatic and it isn’t endearing me to you at all. Just tell Arthur you don’t want to do it and leave. Calm down.

“Oh, God. If he'd had any idea that Lance's bloody Charity Pub Crawl was going to involve getting tied to the oblivious object of his sordid fantasies, he'd have stayed at home. Or had a cold shower. Or at least worn looser trousers.” Can we talk about this weird charity? Who does a three-legged pub crawl race for charity? What charity is it? AA? Also, Arthur said it was his charity at the beginning of the chapter so… I’m confused.

Anyways, Merlin asks Arthur why he won’t race with Gawain and Arthur says Gawain’s partner is Morgause. Which seems like a poor decision. What happens if someone tries to assassinate Morgana? I can just see Morgause comically trying to get to Morgana while still tied to Gawain and falling all over the place. Plus, this is a race. Morgause might be miles behind or ahead of Morgana. “’And isn't she – I mean, honestly, I kind of got the strong impression that she and Morgana were...?’ Arthur shrugged, his cheeks reddening. ‘Don't ask, don't tell,’ he said.” “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” because Morgana and Morgause are cousins?

“’Um. But – doesn't that mean that he's barking up the wrong tree?’ ‘He likes a challenge.’” Let’s talk about this. Now we don’t know what Morgause’s sexuality is. It’s implied she is with Morgana, so we assume she’s into women. She could either be a lesbian or bisexual, which the author of this doesn’t really seem to address (remember the Merlin/Lance fiasco from earlier). My point is, this whole, “straight guy going after a lesbian woman” troupe is super common and it’s annoying as fuck. “LOL she’s into ladies and I know it but let me harass her anyways!!!” Fucking stop.

Morgana and Gwen stumble over. They are partners for the most ill-conceived charity activity ever. “Merlin took one look at the efficient-looking man standing a few paces behind her, radiating that now-familiar aura of polite do-not-fuck-with-me, and did not need to be told that this was whoever was on Morgana duty this evening, while Morgause played at Happy Families with her Academic Grandson.” Ok, I feel much better knowing it’s not open season for assassins on Morgana since Morgause has decided to fuck off and do her own thing. Which is even weirder now that I think about it since Morgause has “long since graduated.” The fuck is she doing hanging around her alma mater for a three legged race? She’s giving me small town quarterback who still attends all the games, wears his letterman jacket all the time and lectures the current players about how he would have handled that pass, “in the good old days,” vibes.

Lance explains the rules, “’Remember, it's up to you which order you visit the pubs,’ said Lance. ‘You can choose any seven from the list – there are Charities Reps in all of them. Make sure you get your booklet stamped by the Charities Rep. They'll confirm that you were there, and what drink you had – to check that it was further down the alphabet than whatever you had at the previous pub. So if you order a pint of Guinness in the Cellar Bar, and go on to the West Port, you can't have an absinth – you'll need to order something that starts with a letter after G, like a Jack Daniels or something. Okay?’” I still don’t understand how this is raising money for charity. They aren’t paying for these drinks. Even if they were, they are going to 7 bars, that’s 14 drinks per team. If there’s ten teams, that’s 140 drinks, and I’m sure the bars aren’t giving these completely away for free, charity or not. So say each drink is $6 and half of it goes to charity, that’s $420 dollars. Is this actually a thing people do? Like are there spectators who bid money on each team? What a stupid thing to bet on. Who would do that? It’s not like those races where small children run/ walk miles and you bet on like $3 a mile. What sort of charity would endorse something like this? Running around drunkenly tied to someone seems so unsafe. THIS CHARITY MAKES NO SENSE.

“’I can't believe that you're supporting something like this!’ Merlin said reproachfully. ‘Isn't this kind of thing against the teachings of the Lord Buddha?’ Lance shrugged. ‘I'm a Buddhist, Merlin. I'm not a killjoy. And besides, it's raising money for an excellent cause.’” BUT WHAT IS THE CAUSE????? Seriously, is this a thing?

“He was all too conscious of the warm, hard line of Arthur's body pressed up against his side, and of Arthur's arm around his waist, and he really couldn't see how he was going to be able to successfully hide his growing arousal over several hours of being plastered up against the man. ‘Please?’ he added, in a small voice.” Ok, Merlin. I like you but fucking stop. You are protesting way too much and it’s getting annoying. You could have just walked away the second someone approached you with the scarf to tie you to Arthur. So dramatic. Damn. Also, Merlin needs to get better friends because they are all ignoring how clearly uncomfortable Merlin is. Lance FINALLY tells him he doesn’t have to do it if he doesn’t want to. “’Mer-lin,’ muttered Arthur, crossly. ‘Don't be such a pussy!’ He sounded oddly upset, and Merlin thought that was a bit rich, under the circumstances.” Lovely. Get new friends, Merlin.

“’Come on, Merlin,’ murmured Arthur against his ear, his breath brushing warm against Merlin's skin and his lips grazing Merlin's earlobe for just a second.’ ‘I'm not doing it without you, you git. You can't make me go with some stranger, who...look, I trust you, Merlin. I know we'll look out for each other. It'll be fine. Please?’” This is giving me an odd image because we just got a description of Merlin leaning his head on Arthur’s shoulder. So is Arthur leaning all the way over to Merlin’s other ear to do this? I know it’s supposed to be an “ooer Arthur is being super touchy feeley!!! He’s totally falling for Merlin!” moment but the image is just making me laugh.

“’Is everyone ready?’ asked Lance, looking around at the mass of couples standing arm-in-arm in front the Students' Union building in the last lingering pink-red-gold rays of the setting sun. ‘Everyone got their collecting tins?’” Ohhhhhh! So they will be harassing bar patrons for money for the charity. Got it. Is this taking place during the day? If they are getting money from bar patrons, how is this a race? Like a team could just go to every bar, ignore collecting any money, get their drinks, and leave to win the race.

The next scene is Merlin and Arthur at their, presumably, second bar. Arthur has ordered them brandy and Merlin refuses to drink it, ordering himself a pint of ale and decides he is going to order his own drinks from that point on.

Then we get this: “Merlin lifted the glass to his lips, watching Arthur's face all the while, and started drinking. And drinking. And drinking. He watched Arthur's eyes start to widen, and his glance skitter down to stare at the way that Merlin's adam's apple was bobbing while his head tilted gradually back so that he was looking at Arthur through his lashes, and Arthur started to blush. By the time Merlin put down his empty pint glass on the bar and swiped the back of his hand over his wet mouth, Arthur's eyes were bulging, and his fingers were digging into Merlin's waist quite fiercely. ‘That was – that was actually pretty impressive,’ he said, rather hoarsely, his eyes darting from Merlin's mouth to his throat and back again.”

Ugh. I see this cliché, Arthur getting hot over Merlin drinking something scene SO MANY TIMES in fanfic and it’s so annoying. This trope is so overused and so unrealistic. I’ve literally never had a dude get all hot and bothered by me drinking something. If they are intensely looking at me while I’m drinking something, they are probably thinking, “She drinks a lot of fluids. I hope she’s not diabetic. How do I casually mention she should get her glucose levels checked out?”

So Merlin and Arthur get progressively drunker. There’s some awkward flirting. “’Oh, bite me, Your Majesty,’ he said, and launched a spectacularly successful (if perhaps, upon reflection, not very well thought out) stealth tickle attack sent them both toppling off their chairs and had Arthur convulsing and yelling and flailing on the floor within seconds, to the fascination of the crowd in The Central. Merlin reflected, in the back of his mind, that it was probably a Very Good Thing that he UK press had signed that agreement to hold off on buying any paparazzi photographs or interviews relating to the prince until after he turned nineteen.”

Just some platonic tickling between bros. Where one character ends up straddling the other. Nothing to see here.

Also, don’t be stupid, Merlin. Just because the media is banned from taking photos, it doesn’t prevent the general public from taking photos and posting them all over the internet.

The chapter ends with Merlin awkwardly calling “Uncle” and then the two of them leave the bar.

Chapter 13

This chapter opens up with the beginning of Raisin Weekend. So we have no idea what happened with this alleged “charity.” Who won? Where did the money go? How much did they bully poor bar patrons into giving them? How many people died from accidentally drunkenly stumbling into the streets because they were tied to another person and lost their balance? The ending to that scene is super abrupt and I honestly feel like I missed an entire chapter somehow.

So Merlin occasionally obsesses over his near kiss with Arthur in the pub and wonders if he should have gone for it. No no no no. It’s a BAD idea to kiss your straight roommate who happens to be the heir to the throne in a very public place. Do not do that. You’re welcome.

Merlin thinks about the possible consequences of having done that, “Or possibly molesting the heir to the throne was one of those obscure laws that overruled the whole no-death-penalty thing – like the ancient and never-revoked ruling that said that anyone on the Isle of Man could legally shoot a Scotsman seen wearing a kilt on one of their beaches. There was probably some statute somewhere that said anyone trying to get their end away with the Prince of Wales would have their head chopped off and stuck on a spike in the middle of Tower Bridge, or something. Merlin made a mental note to look that up, just in case.” Well, yes Merlin. Good job for recognizing that molestation is illegal. A + It probably wouldn’t get you killed but don’t do it either way, no need to look it up. Don’t fucking sexually assault people. And don’t put jokes about it in your fanfics.

“Still, occasionally, when he watched Arthur chewing the end of a biro earnestly as he scribbled notes for an essay, or when he sleepily spied on Arthur stretching in preparation for his morning run, or when he lost himself in the sound of Arthur's voice rambling on about his latest lecture from Gabriella Slomp about ‘”Obbes and Grot-i-us and Nat-si-o-nal law and In-ter-nat-si-o-nal law,’ or the sight of his shirt riding up to reveal a sliver of his back and the top of shockingly perfect arse as he leaned over to tie his shoelaces...occasionally, just occasionally, Merlin thought maybe it might have been worth it.” Ok. Several things to say about this section. Way to misspell national and international. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to represent Arthur’s accent by being spelled that way or something but it still makes no sense because you don’t pronounce hard T’s in either of those words so the s is unnecessary.

Now, let’s talk about this “shirt riding up to reveal a sliver…” part. This is yet ANOTHER ridiculously overused trope in fanfic that makes no sense. Ooer an inch of someone’s back/stomach (the stomach example is how I usually see it in fanfic). How sexy .Said no one ever.

If Arthur reaching over to tie his shoes is showing so much skin that Merlin can see, “the top of a shockingly perfect arse,” then Arthur needs to pull up his damn pants.

Lastly, but most importantly, IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN WORTH IT. No sexually assaulting people, damn. I don’t feel like I should need to spell it out.

“As Raisin Weekend got closer and closer, Morgana took to smirking at her Academic children in a very disconcerting fashion, and randomly producing a soft blue tape measure with which she measured wrists and ankles and waists and legs and various other bits and pieces, whilst chuckling to herself.” Just including this because it made me think of Katie McGrath’s ridiculous and excessive smirking in season three of Merlin.

So Merlin asks Arthur if his Academic Dad is someone in Arthur’s pilot club and Arthur tells Merlin he didn’t end up joining for various reasons which all make sense to me but Merlin is super dramatic and over the top about it. He makes a big scene about how it’s not fair and blah blah blah. Calm down, Merlin. Arthur tells Merlin he still goes to the air plane hangar once a week. “So – what, you sit there with your nose pressed up against the glass like Tiny Tim, watching all the cadets having fun without you? That's...creepy and weird, frankly.” Lol, Merlin. That was actually funny. Arthur tells Merlin he takes his own plane out.

So Arthur tells Merlin he doesn’t have an Academic Dad. “You don't have an Academic Dad yet?!‘ ’ Given that they'd both just stepped out of the cold, bright Autumn morning and into the University Library, shouting was probably not really the best of all possible plans. Arthur slapped his forehead in frustration, looked from Merlin over to the audience of intrigued students and unimpressed librarians, and turned on his heel and walked right back outside again.”

God Merlin is so tactless. He always has to make a giant scene about everything. I used to like you, Merlin but you’ve been really getting on my nerves the last two chapters. Have some self-awareness, damn.

Arthur turns around and leaves; Merlin runs after him, apologizing. Probably still yelling at the top of his lungs to continue attracting attention. Of course Merlin starts to fall so Arthur grabs him and saves him, holding on just a little too long. Just bros, people. Just bros.

Arthur then walks away. As he should. I would still be pissed too. “And with that he stomped off down the path, leaving Merlin standing there with a head full of questions tumbling like leaves on a blustery Autumn day.” I’m going to give that an unnecessarily dramatic, flowery language warning. You’re on notice, fic.

Later, Merlin goes back to the dorm and Arthur tells him that Lance called him up and asked him if he wanted Lance to be his Academic Dad. Arthur wonders if Merlin called him up and told him. He admits to it, though I don’t think it would have been strictly necessary considering how many people were in the library when Merlin screamed his comment. Word gets around. Lance probably just heard about the incident. Or maybe literally heard the incident take place.

Chapter 14

Merlin and Arthur arrive at Morgana’s house and Morgause answers the door. Arthur asks where her “deadly” kitten Mordred is. We learn that it’s Raisin Sunday Tea Party and everyone has to pick out a hat. Even though Merlin is no longer worried about drunkenly doing magic in front of people, he still worries about Arthur. “Which meant that all he had to worry about was being careful not to say or do anything inappropriate to Arthur – and by this time, he thought he could have earned a BAFTA award for his compelling portrayal of Platonic Best Friend. Bloody well done him. Fifty points to Gryffindor, damn it.” These lies Merlin is telling himself right now.

Morgana gifts everyone with their “Raisin Strings.” Arthur’s is the best one as it’s basically just a necklace with a plane pendant modeled after his real plane. Gwen gets a hip flask in honor of her and Morgana winning the pub crawl and her budding alcoholism, and Merlin gets a massive stuffed Kraken. On a string. To wear on his neck. And Morgana’s explanation is so cringey I want to die for Merlin, “Because Merlin's terribly fond of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. And I understand he has a thing for tentacles. Or was it testicles? One or the other. Possibly both. Anyway, that's enough of me talking – let's hand over to the lovely Helen!”

After their tea party, which was cups of whiskey, they start playing a bunch of ridiculous games, most of which involve more drinking. Then, they all get into groups of four for, you guessed it, Twister! In 3D! “But rather than placing your hands and feet on different coloured circles on the floor, you're supposed to put your hands, or face, or bum, on various different parts of the other people in your team. The aim of the game is to successfully obey the game master's instructions; so long as you've got your hands, face and bum pressed up against whatever they're supposed to be on, and your teammates have too, your team is still in the game. When your team drops out, you each have to down a cup of Grandma Morgause's Blue Meanie Punch. Any questions?” In case you were wondering.

Percy is on Merlin’s team. “Merlin grinned back appreciatively, and reflected that it might not be so bad; Perceval played a lot of football, and it showed. He was a smidgen shorter than Merlin, but impressively athletic, and strikingly good looking, with skin the richly burnished red-brown of a just-split conker, and dark hair in dreadlocks that fell down past his shoulders.” That description.

LOL I mean, it’s funny because Tom Hopper is like a million feet tall and massive. This was written before his character was introduced on the show but still. I’m laughing.

Merlin’s team loses and there’s two teams left. “Merlin, Andi and Percy all piled together on the sofa, Merlin wriggling down so that his back was on the cushion, his legs hooked over the arm rest and his head pillowed companionably on Percy's thigh.” Quite an interesting decision there, Merlin since you pretty much just met Percy. As long as he’s cool with you laying on his crotch, I guess. Kay’s team topples over so Arthur’s team wins, naturally, “…and Merlin was clapping and cheering madly as Arthur disentangled himself blushingly from his partners and then looked over in Merlin's direction with an expression that Merlin had not the faintest idea how to interpret.” I’ll interpret it for you, dumbass. Arthur is jealous of you being face first in some other dude’s lap.

The next came involves sucking chocolate balls onto a straw and dropping them into a glass. Kay makes a disgusting joke regarding Merlin’s sucking skills. Die in a fire, Kay, etc. etc.

So then this happens: “He was doing quite well, he thought, until he glanced up and saw that Arthur had frozen with his straw poised over his own pint glass, and was just staring at Merlin with an intensity that made Merlin flush suddenly scarlet. He looked back down at his box in confusion, but then had to look back up at Arthur again, through his eyelashes, and Arthur was still staring at him – staring at his mouth, in fact – and Merlin could feel himself getting embarrassingly turned on,” and “…and Arthur was licking his lips, like – like – but clearly Merlin was having some kind of alcohol-induced breakdown, because there was no way that Arthur was giving him any kind of heated come-hither-ish looks.” The secondhand embarrassment. I cannot. Arthur, be more obvious that you were imagining Merlin give you a blow job. Merlin, be more obtuse.

Later, Merlin once again brings up Gwen and Lance and he asks her if she’s finally going to get together with him. Gwen is annoyingly dense about it but, I have to agree with her getting annoyed with Merlin bringing it up over and over and over. Fucking stop.

Next is a jelly shot contest. Merlin is lying on the floor with his shirt off; Blanche, his partner, is blindfolded and will be eating the shots off him. Arthur sits and stares at Merlin the whole time. It’s awkward and weird.

The next game involves Chocolate Matchmakers. I have no idea what those are because we don’t have them so I just kind of imagine them as chocolate covered pretzel rods. So they have to pass them around through each other’s mouths and with each person, it gets shorter and shorter because the person passing the candy bites of the end that’s in their mouth. Arthur is of course sitting next to Merlin for this, so Merlin is understandably losing his shit. Poor Drunk Merlin. Oh and there’s a donut on the matchmaker so whomever gets the donut wins? Whatever. These games are weird, but very stereotypical drunk games.

So Merlin gets ready to pass to Arthur and it’s all very tense with the chocolate quickly melting in his mouth, Arthur grabs the end of the chocolate, “…but instead, he found Arthur was still moving towards him, closer and closer, his lips sliding down over inch after inch until he'd swallowed up chocolate and doughnut and all, and was pressing his mouth against Merlin's, swiping his tongue lingeringly over Merlin's startled lips as he stole the game.”

NORMAL BRO STUFF PEOPLE. NOTHING TO SEE HERE. MOVE ALONG.

Merlin freaks out and goes to the bathroom, for which I don’t blame him. Then he masturbates in the bathroom, which is really awkward because he’s at someone else’s house.

Chapter 15

So now we get to the part in the story where I accidentally hate Gwen even though what happens next isn’t her fault. Well not entirely. I also hate Arthur. A lot. Because he’s a complete ass. Stay tuned!

Merlin gets back from the bathroom and spots Arthur speaking to Gwen. Merlin is upset because he wanted to tell Gwen everything that happened; I would too. Then Arthur gets all flirty and up in Gwen’s space, “…and then Arthur was leaning even closer and pushing a strand of curls behind her ear, murmuring something, and she was stumbling over her words and going wide-eyed and startled, staring up at him...”

What in the actual FUCK are you doing, Arthur? Merlin has the best possible reaction, “’Oh,’ said Merlin, blankly, and he turned on his heel and went to find Mordred.” That is word for word what I would have done in the situation. Poor Merlin.

Merlin is playing with Mordred when Morgana finds him and they have a really sweet, though sad for Merlin, and honest conversation about Arthur. Morgana is really nice to him about it and she even acknowledges Arthur was flirting with Merlin. “I could shake him. He was definitely flirting with you down there, and it's not fair. It's really not fair.” DO IT, MORGANA. SHAKE HIM. DO IT NOW.

Later, Lance shows up to pick them all up for his portion of the festivities. “When Lance had shown up to collect his Academic kids Merlin had seen him watch the way that Arthur leaned into her space and wrapped his hands around her waist from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder, making her giggle – and Merlin had watched the light go out of Lance's eyes then and there.” Yikesapolooza. What the fuckering fuck are you doing, Arthur? Can you be more of a self-serving asshole? You know how Lance feels about Gwen and you clearly know how Merlin feels about you. Plus you JUST flirted heavily with Merlin. I don’t care if you are just asserting your straightness after the whole Merlin kiss because you’re having a big gay crisis. Fucking no. You’re hurting three other people with this nonsense.

Arthur spends the whole walk flirting with Gwen which ends up in a tickle fights on the ground. Hey, remember when he did that with another character earlier? Also, get up off the ground you idiots. Gross.

Merlin and Co are at Lance’s friends’ house and Arthur and Gwen are still grossly flirting in front of Lance and Merlin. Merlin confronts Lance about not asking Gwen out. “’Well – I mean, I've – um. Do we have to talk about this?’ ‘Yes,’ said Merlin, firmly. ‘Yes we do. Because it's driving me batshit insane, and because I really need a distraction this evening, and you, you lucky man, are it…’” Fucking finally. It’s driving me insane too, Merlin. Damn.

So basically, Lance used to be fat and ugly and that’s why he won’t do casual flings.

Which is stupid and doesn’t answer the question about Gwen whatsoever. “It's just that I don't really do casual flings, that's all. It's not my cup of tea. But when I met Gwen – it was like she was exactly who I'd been waiting for my whole life. I can't describe it. As soon as I saw her – I mean, she just walked in and the whole room lit up. I wanted to do something amazing for her – climb mountains, slay dragons, something. Just for her. She took my breath away.” That’s way too excessive, Lance. Calm down.

Merlin tells Lance to get his shit together because Gwen is super into him. Cue: “Gwen had got her arms around Arthur's neck, and her knees on either side of his lap, and was kissing the crap out of him.” Of course. Merlin gets up to get another drink. Probably not the best idea since he’s been smashed for about 6 hours at that point. He should really just go back to his dorm and sleep it off at this point. Poor Merlin.

As Merlin is in the kitchen, Edwin magically shows up and they start engaging in some inappropriate PDA against the fridge when Arthur walks in on them. Because of course he does. Merlin looks at Arthur, “At an Arthur who was blushing a shocked, blotchy scarlet and staring at Merlin like he wanted to punch him. Or possibly punch Edwin – Merlin wasn't entirely sure.” Arthur leaves. And fuck him, honestly. He has no right to be pissed off at Merlin for being with another guy when he was LITERALLY just making out with Gwen. In front of Merlin. Asshole.

So this section was ok. I don’t like Cedric being gross towards Merlin at the GaySoc meeting. The charity pub crawl really threw me off. Seriously, is this a legit thing that people do? I get just doing a three-legged pub crawl race with your friends for fun but charity? Really? What charity wants to be associated with drunken debauchery? Also, I’m getting real tired of Arthur being super obviously into Merlin, Merlin being deliberately obtuse about it and Arthur doing nothing. What an ass.

Now let’s talk about the Gwen/Arthur/Lance/Merlin love square. It’s stupid. Genuinely stupid. Gwen might be stupid about Lance’s feelings but there’s no way she doesn’t know Merlin, her BEST FRIEND, has feelings for Arthur. Plus, she insists Lance is too good for her and doesn’t have a thing for her and yet has no problem accepting making out with THE PRINCE OF WALES? REALLY, GWEN? REALLY? She is honestly so dumb. If I liked Lance, I would tell him to stop wasting his time and find someone better. Ok, I know I’m getting blamey towards Gwen but I do think she does hold some responsibility for her actions here. Obviously Arthur is also 100% in the wrong here. He knows Gwen likes Lance and Lance likes Gwen. He also has to know Merlin is somewhat into him or else he never would have gone for that kiss during the tea party. Arthur is just using Gwen, which is really fucking gross, to assert his straightness to Merlin (and probably himself but I don’t care about him and he can fuck off). I don’t care. Stop being an ass and purposely hurting everyone around you. Because that’s what he’s doing. Merlin deserves better than this asshole, prince or not.

Other than that, I liked the pub bar crawl just as a general scene, minus the charity stuff that makes no sense. I also liked the tea party chapters. All five chapters were pretty enjoyable to read. It’s some good Merlin/Arthur angst, particularly during the party, right up until Arthur fucks it all up. I also like Morgana actually being really sweet towards Merlin about Arthur. And three cheers for kitten Mordred. Flawless character.

Until next time:

[garkgatiss]

Four episodes, three false narratives, two potential outcomes, no loose ends.

ACD Watson was known for regularly publishing cases in The Strand with

1. The names changed,

MYCROFT: That's the trouble with uniforms and name badges, people stop looking at faces.

2. The locations changed,

MARY: No, I-I-I mean how did you find me? No, really, though, how? Every movement I made was entirely random!

3. Basic facts of the case entirely rewritten to avoid self-incrimination.

SHERLOCK: That’s now how it happened at all.

These three episodes are a set. They’re all retellings of the same events, pieced together from the limited information that John is willing to divulge, supplemented by imagination and colored by the author’s own feelings and motivations. Fresh paint to disguise another smell. Throughout all three episodes, we see wildly diverging narratives inspired by the same core kernels of truth. The fourth episode, the final ending of Clue, will tell us what really happened.

Cut for clarifications and updates.

Three false narratives

Moffat: Also, if you read [The Adventure Of] Charles Augustus Milverton, Dr. Watson in the opening paragraph tells you that he’s about to tell you a porkie. (x)

1. The opening scenes of T6T: Mycroft &co are rewriting the events of the HLV finale while Sherlock looks on. This episode is Sherlock absorbing evidence from John, listening to him tell his story, and calling bullshit. “That’s now how it happened at all.” Sherlock fills in the gaps and lies with his own deductions and fabrications, resulting in the story we see being told, but seeing as he has a massive blind spot when it comes to Mary (and John too, frankly), he’s no closer to the truth.

2. The opening scenes of TLD: John in therapy, volunteering as much information as is typical for him. John, our precious son, is terminally incapable of talking about himself and his feelings, so the rest of the story we see told in this episode is John projecting his deeply repressed issues, his darkest secrets, onto every other character in his story. Getting it off his chest without getting it on yours.

3. The opening of TFP: Mycroft Mark Gatiss is watching a romantic movie when it’s interrupted with a real-life horror movie plot. “Someone convinced him that you wouldn't tell the truth unless you were actually wetting yourself.” This episode is more true than the first two, but it’s filtered directly through John’s appalling self-worth and takes place in his bleak sexuality bunker. John casts Sherlock as the action hero protagonist even in his own mind, and the happiest ending he can imagine for them is one where “who he really is” doesn’t matter. Somebody help him.

Each episode, the writers tell us, just like Watson does, that they’re about to tell us a porkie. The first endings to the Clue Movie. The final ending, the fourth episode, The Lost Special, tells us what really happened.

Eurus the Scapegoat

SHERLOCK: I see. Who is supposed to have shot him, then?

SIR EDWIN: Some over-eager squaddie with an itchy trigger finger, that’s who.

When Watson writes up the Milverton case, he [according to the Mofftiss reading] invents the character of the woman who shows up in the dead of night to kill Milverton in order to cover for the fact that it was in actuality Watson who went there with the express purpose of killing Milverton himself.

So what has been edited out of the three episodes that we’ve seen so far? The thing we were devastated to not have seen in the third episode last Sunday?

Their romantic love.

Well, I’ve got something “they” would dearly love if only we could get out of here. I’ve got ammo.

The ammo/amo connection is made so that we can take a parallel leap in Greek from Eurus to Eros. In the three stories presented, John uses the fake villain of Eurus to explain his actions that were, in reality, motivated by Love.

Reaching out to E Sherlock via text? Motivated by Love.

Reaching out to Sherlock, coming to 221b in the middle of the night for help, because he’s Faith’s John’s last hope? Motivated by Love.

Reaching out to a new therapist who reminds him of Sherlock after Mary’s “death”? Motivated by Love.

“Mr. Archer, on the count of three, shoot Dr. Watson.” As in, The Blind Archer by ACD? Also known as Cupid? Also known as Eros?

She finally hit her mark.

In John’s mind palace bleak sexuality bunker, Love has been kept prisoner since they were children. She wreaks havoc on everyone she speaks to, beguiles them, reprograms them. She tells Dr. Taylor to kill himself and his family. Love taught Sherlock to play violin.

Love is what caused all these things. Eurus is the scapegoat. The over-eager squaddie with an itchy trigger finger.

Can Samarra be avoided? Two possible outcomes

In T6T, the car crashes; the drunk driver is pulled from the wreck and the gay kid is found already dead. In TLD, the wildly-driven car arrives safely and in time to get the needed help.

In T6T, the tea tray crashes to the floor as Ajay the John mirror is killed(?). In TLD, Sherlock throws down his gun in time to catch Mrs. Hudson’s falling teacup.

John doesn’t care if he dies, but more importantly, he doesn’t believe that Sherlock would care if he dies. He’s never had to say “vatican cameos” to Sherlock before. When he says it in his mind in TFP, Sherlock ignores him. Sherlock deletes his texts, after all, doesn’t he? John reaches out, through Eurus, to Sherlock, again and again, in these small ways he knows how, without risking his true feelings and the ultimate rejection. But John is at the bottom of a well. At the end of his rope. 

He even leaves Sherlock a note. Isn’t that what people do? Leave a note?

Golf Whiskey X-Ray, this is a distress call.

So we return to the problem. The Final Problem: Staying Alive. The Appointment in Samarra.

Sherlock rejects Faith’s case for being boring, but at the last second he stops her and stays up with her all night in order to keep her from harming herself.

Don’t solve the murder. Save the life.

Both paths from here have been illustrated in the three false narratives to an extent that I think this will be a major turning point of the finale, possibly with Sherlock pursuing hypothetical scenarios in his Mind Palace before he understands he must choose John over Mycroft, just like he does in John’s mind in TFP.

That he must choose love over logic, as real of a dichotomy as that has ever been.

“Lost without your love.” “Save my soul, seek my room.”

“Save John Watson.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What are the kernels of truth that show through the coat of paint? 

Kernel of Truth: The Knife

Kernel of Truth: The Car and The Driver

More coming soon...

Major thanks to Ariane Devere’s transcripts, as always, as well as the friend I’m staying with who’s being very patient with my tinhatting at the moment.

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[dudence-blog]

Dear Dudence for 13 October 2017

Man, Dudence feels terrible.  I. Was. Late.  I had this written yesterday.  I’d like to say that Mrs. Dudence’s birthday, or playing with Little Dudence, or any number of other reasons justified being late.  But I cannot.  It is all on me.  Today is the first day of the ALCS and this is, hopefully, the last of Herpes Week.  I might have to add “An STD doesn’t mean you’re an awful person” to Dudence’s Guidelines.  As always, shoot me an email at AskDearDudence@gmail.com or hit me up on Facebook.

I have a girlfriend I love very much. I have moderate depression and anxiety, and she has supported me for the entirety of our relationship; she’s a really excellent partner and person. We technically have an open relationship, but neither of us has acted on it yet, so we talk a lot about how we’re feeling and any worries we have. I’ve never had this kind of “check-in” before, and it feels great.

I also have three fantastic housemates, two of whom are in a couple. Before they started dating (also before I started dating my current partner), I had really strong feelings for one of them and had to work through a lot of sadness and jealousy when I heard about their relationship. Recently my feelings have resurfaced in full force, along with some feelings for the other half of the couple. I am often hit with waves of sadness and/or jealousy when I see them together, even if we’re all hanging out. Sometimes I think about what it would have looked like if I’d ended up with the friend I first liked, but mostly now it’s more wanting to be part of the couple, too—wanting to be around them, be together, be included (and yes, I’d really like to kiss both of them!).

Dear Gay and Tired, how terrible have your other residences as an adult been that a situation where you’re increasingly anxious, depressed, and jealous to the point it is eroding your mental health is the best situation you’ve ever been in?  That is just rough and as Newdie said you (or them) is probably going to need to move.  Although I think that either you or them moving out is the best option, I don’t think you should dismiss “tell them how I feel” out-of-hand.  You say you’ve discussed it with your girlfriend and that you wouldn’t do anything without her okay, which tells me she hasn’t said your feelings for them are a deal-breaker.  Talk it over with your girlfriend, have her give you her consent or not.  Is she doesn’t you’re not the worse off, if she does broach it with your roommates; please let one of them be named Jessie....  The worst case is you’ve blown up a friendship and have to move; you were going to need to do the latter either.  But I’d be willing to bet your roommates are aware that there is something up with you, maybe not the extent or details, but they know.  Give them the opportunity to tell you how they feel, and even if they’re not into it, it’s possible they won’t make it awkward.  And in the best case scenario a whole lot of people get to bang one another.  And if that does come to pass toss an invite to your fourth roommate, it’s just rude to leave them out.

I am an older, sexually conservative woman who got herpes from a man I was dating. He’s a pillar of the community and did not tell me he had herpes. I had a long dry spell before we started dating. My issue is that I have an unlabeled bottle of herpes medication in my desk drawer at work. My administrative assistant asked for some pain relievers, and I opened my desk drawer and shared from a labeled, over-the-counter bottle of acetaminophen. I saw her staring at the unlabeled bottle in the drawer. Later that day I went back to my office, and she and another person had actually opened the unlabeled bottle and were looking at the medicine! 

  Dear Pariah, I’m going to guess you had a moment of l’esprit de l’escalier with your assistant and her conspirator.  I think you need to go speak with, at least, your HR department about the original incident and determine what options, if any, you have at your disposal.  I also think a visit with an attorney who specializes in this area of the law would be in order, since this wasn’t something your employer erroneously revealed, I don’t know if the FMLA applies or if your state has a law against disclosing private facts.  At the very least your HR folks need to refamiliarize the employees with rules regarding unauthorized disclosure of medical information, and the consequences for such disclosure.  I’d think this is something they’d be very interested to do as the employer might want to know if they have an employee who can’t keep her trap shut regarding private medical information.  In regards to your assistant you are long past the time when you were too stunned to act.  You need to have a very pointed conversation with her about her incredible violation of your privacy.  I’d have prefered this conversation was had as part of her exit interview because you were firing her, but that’s me and we’re now months beyond the incident.  You don’t need to get into details about what the medication was for because it doesn’t matter.  It could have been for Supergonsyphyliaidsepes which you got from a foursome involving a pair of dwarves an octopus and it wouldn’t matter what the medication was because the grossest thing involved in this incident was your assistant and her co-conspirator shifting through your medication to identify what you were taking.  Granted, if you want to have some fun, when you do bring this up with HR tell them you caught her snooping through your desk looking through your medication and you’re worried she has a drug problem.  Let her explain to the HR pogue that she was merely snooping at your anti-viral drugs, not trying to score her next fix.  There is nothing in this which is your fault.  I know that doesn’t help with the feelings of shame, embarrassment, and betrayal but you need to remind yourself of it.  

I got married six months ago. My relationship with my family is at best distant—we don’t have a lot in common and there were several incidents of what I’ve been told most people would call abuse (but I’m not there yet, mentally speaking). My dad is a racist, sexist creep. I’ve managed to get him to tone it down around me enough that I can handle a monthly phone call, but that’s my limit. I really didn’t want him to walk me down the aisle, but by the end of the engagement, I was so burned out on decision-making that I just didn’t have the strength for that conversation, with him or any of my many relatives who would have demanded an explanation.

Dear Angry, Just Angry, it’s time for you to redefine your relationship with your father.  Either have a final conversation with him where you tell him that you’re not going to be able to talk with him again until he addresses his alcohol problem (if you even wish to continue having conversations with him if he sobers up), or get your husband to do it for you.  Hopefully there’s someone in your family who you trust enough to tell them why you’re not going to be talking with your father and that you want to limit your exposure to him during your brother’s medical issue.  While you might feel foolish for not knowing the extent of his problems, someone else in your family knew, and they needed to give you the head’s up.  As for your wedding, I know it’s hard to see it now, but this is something that’s going to fade.  Your friends and guests don’t view you being walked down the aisle by your father as an “endorsement”.  They don’t blame you for his behavior.  I think a good way for you to start moving forward with your own feelings from that day would be to finish up with your photographer.  Have your husband call your photographer and schedule the time to go over your photos for the album; but also have your photographer take out pictures with your dad prior to arriving.  Let you see that you still looked beautiful, happy, in love and excited for the life you were going to start with your new husband.  It’s amazing how much your memory of an event can improve when you’re spared a reminder of who you thought was ruining it.

My family is not well-off and neither am I. My parents always try to help me where they can because they feel guilty that they couldn’t give me a better financial start in life, which has never been something I held against them. My sister recently had a baby, and I came up to visit and help ferry my mom, who dislikes driving, to and from the hospital. My last morning here, my dad got up early and took my car to get gas.  I came downstairs afterward, and my car keys were on the table with one or two 20-dollar bills folded underneath them. I assumed this was the money they’d offered me to help pay for my sister’s shower. I left it there, but when I came back less than an hour later, it was gone. My mom and I were the only two people in the house. I didn’t say anything because what if I was wrong and I accused my mom of taking money meant for me? But Prudie, I don’t think I am wrong.

Dear Cheated, slow your roll high speed.  As NuPru points out you’re making two assumptions; the money was for you and your mom took it for nefarious reasons.  Let’s play this out:

“Hey dad, I saw there was a couple $20s on the table the other day, was that for me to cover the shower?”  

“No, it was my change from getting gas.”

Or, “Yes it was, why?”

Then, “I left it on the table, but when I came back it was gone.”

“Oh, yeah, your mom picked it up, she thought it was the change from when I went to get gas.  I forgot, here you go.”

Scene. Last night my wife and I went to a small theater to watch The Mystery of Edwin Drood. In the row in front of us, a woman became increasingly amorous with her date. She first leaned over and kissed his cheek. Then she took off her shoes, put her legs on his lap, and started kissing his neck. Then they began a lip-lock session—all while we were trying to watch the play. My wife, who had to look through their hook-up to watch the stage, leaned forward and asked them to break it up. Fortunately they did and must have decided to carry on elsewhere, as they didn’t return for the second act. At what point is it reasonable to ask people to “get a room” during a performance? And what would you suggest saying?

Dear Prude at Edward Drood, try asking your wife for help with this question.  If you’re feeling feisty though you could always offer to join in or you and your wife show them how it’s done.

I am a professional woman in my mid-30s. My parents live about five hours away, and I visit them for a few days at a time every few months. My mother has unacknowledged anxiety problems that prevent her from traveling to see me (her go-to excuse is that her pet needs her, although they have a pet sitter at the ready). She also refuses to call me. She says she could “never live with [her]self” if she disturbed me while I was asleep, as I sometimes work nights—though I’ve explained the Do Not Disturb feature on my phone and told her she can always leave me a voicemail if I don’t pick up.

Dear Not Asleep, you’re not unreasonable for feeling a bit hurt that she won’t initiate contact, but it might just be a thing you’re going to need to accept.  At least until she decides to do something about her issues keeping her from calling you.  I don’t know if you’re visiting them “enough” because I have no idea what “enough” would look like, but a visit every few months for several days at a time seems more than reasonable.  It sounds like you’re doing everything people would expect from a caring child.  You mom’s hang-ups are not something you can do anything about if she doesn’t want to do anything about them.  Call and visit when you can in good conscience.  If you do want to do something yourself though, next time you call your mom tell her you’re hanging up and you’d like her to call you back.  You’re awake, you’re expecting her call, let her see it isn’t the worst thing in the world.  Not sure if it would work, but maybe it can help her get over the issue she has with doing it for real.