#also obviously I have no way of knowing what someone's experiences are in real life

[schnuffel-danny]

I'm not going to tell anyone how to live their life, but something about basing your silly little headcanons on mental illness you have no real life experience with feels a little wrong to me.

[running-in-the-dark]

I've just realised something fun (very weird): so I've got aphantasia (no visual imagination), and I have a hard time recognising and remembering faces. I'm not face blind but I need a lot of context clues and stuff like that to be able to recognise someone for sure.

so anyway, that means I don't know what most people look like. in many cases I can't even remember if someone wears glasses, or other very obvious things like that. I could only describe the faces of my family members, friends, or even my husband (who I see more often than anyone else) very vaguely.

buuut. when I like a character, I tend to draw and/or paint them (usually a lot). which obviously involves looking at pictures of their face for a looong time. and not just looking, but analysing everything to figure out where it goes in relation to everything else. and just the motion of drawing makes it easier for it to actually get saved in my memory, I think.

sooo I just realised that, right now at least, I could probably describe every stupid little line in Eliot's face, I can recognise him if I see a picture of like, his ear or whatever. but if my brother got a haircut and different clothes and I wasn't expecting to see him, I probably wouldn't know who he was. 😬

[unproduciblesmackdown]

one thing i can intermittently remember re: lackadaisy is that way back when, would've been around '08 to '10, i mentioned it to someone in person w/whomst like informal Media Recs Trading was established & i think mentioned wanting recs for checking out webcomics specifically? & i was like ooh lackadaisy Gotta be lackadaisy (i read like, a few others at the time but was immediately huge on that one specifically due to [the ways it pwned were obvious to me first reading it in '07 and Now alike]) and like. in the realm of Left Field Responses I Got After Ventures Of Someone W/o The Confidence I Have Now Thanks To Grinding For It In The Entire Interim i eventually followed up like did you check it out, what do you think, b/c my enthusiasm was stronger than my reluctance to bring shit up unprompted. and i think they were sort of evasive a moment but then were like nah b/c.......why are they cats....like lmfaoooo was Not ready for that like yeah idk what to tell you if that was that significant a factor. except that if you know that much it's too late the furry police are en route

not long afterwards perhaps truly more unexpected. i managed to finagle going to the first convention marble hornets was at, relatively short notice, and this is thanks to by that point having Enthusiasm behind it again, of course. afterwards to the relatively small tumblr mh ether i Ventured Forth again like is there interest in my talking about it, livestream q&a possibilities style even? and then i got an anon telling me not now b/c hοmestuck had updated. omicron just to not risk it plus i think even now i'd filter my own post. like divide this into four sections the way i'm truly at a loss. didn't have that much to talk about but looking back like fr you're neurononconforming in online fanbase Posting same as in the [random discord servers Hate them! non normative verbal communication happens in scores / hundreds of words if it happens at all] like and yet it gets to you to the con. and to the "i don't need other people to like media 'with' me i didn't talk about lackadaisy at all till the pilot dropping & my [first full reread in a Minute] got me all fired up posting style & 'hey wait. my special little guy. all this fresh Mystery Plot Everything appreciation. whoa'" moment. plus nowadays it's only like Lol Lmao whereas back then it was like :( :/ but also still funny b/c this person was running away throwing chairs & tables behind them like i'm not a furry i'm not and an anon was like didn't ask don't care oppa homestuck style. standing there palms open like. furious theorizing is there for me

[jonnywaistcoat]

What’s your opinion on the contrast between “silly” and “serious” spaces? Do you think people can have very serious interpretations about a genuine piece of media and also be goofy about it? I’m asking this particularly because I’ve seen people in the Magnus podcast fandoms fight about people “misinterpreting” characters you, Alex, and the many other authors have written. Are you okay with the blorbofication or do you really wish the media you’ve written would be “taken seriously” 100% of the time?

And follow up question, what do you think about the whole “it’s up to the reader (or in some cases, listener) to make their own conclusions and interpretations and that does not make them wrong”, versus the “it was written this way because the author intended it this way, and we should respect that” argument?

This is a question I've given a lot of thought over the years, to the point where I don't know how much I can respond without it becoming a literal essay. But I'll try.

My main principle for this stuff boils roughly down to: "The only incorrect way to respond to art is to try and police the responses of others." Art is an intensely subjective, personal thing, and I think a lot of online spaces that engage with media are somewhat antithetical to what is, to me, a key part of it, which is sitting alone with your response to a story, a character, a scene or an image and allowing yourself to explore it's effect on you. To feel your feelings and think about them in relation to the text.

Now, this is not to say that jokes and goofiness about a piece of art aren't fucking great. I love to watch The Thing and drink in the vibes or arctic desolation and paranoia, or think about the picture it paints of masculinity as a sublimely lonely thing where the most terrible threat is that of an imposed, alien intimacy. And that actually makes me laugh even more the jokey shitpost "Do you think the guys in The Thing ever explored each other's bodies? Yeah but watch out". Silly and serious don't have to be in opposition, and I often find the best jokes about a piece of media come from those who have really engaged with it.

And in terms of interpreting characters? Interpreting and responding to fictional characters is one of the key functions of stories. They're not real people, there is no objective truth to who they are or what they do or why they do it. They are artificial constructs and the life they are given is given by you, the reader/listener/viewer, etc. Your interpetation of them can't be wrong, because your interpretation of them is all that there is, they have no existence outside of that.

And obviously your interpretation will be different to other people's, because your brain, your life, your associations - the building blocks from which the voices you hear on a podcast become realised people in your mind - are entirely your own. Thus you cannot say anyone else's is wrong. You can say "That's not how it came across to me" or "I have a very different reading of that character", but that's it. I suppose if someone is fundamentally missing something (like saying "x character would never use violence" when x character strangles a man to death in chapter 4) you could say "I think that's a significant misreading of the text", but that's only to be reserved for if you have the evidence to back it up and are feeling really savage.

I think this is one of the things that saddens me a bit about some aspects of fandom culture - it has a tendency to police or standardise responses or interpretations, turning them from personal experiences to be explored into public takes to be argued over. It also has the occasional moralistic strain, and if there's one thing I wish I could carve in stone on every fan space it's that Your Responses to a Piece of Art Carry No Intrinsic Moral Weight.

As for authorial intention, that's a simpler one: who gives a shit? Even the author doesn't know their own intentions half the time. There is intentionality there, of course, but often it's a chaotic and shifting mix of theme and story and character which rarely sticks in the mind in the exact form it had during writing. If you ask me what my intention was in a scene from five years ago, I'll give you an answer, but it will be my own current interpretation of a half-remembered thing, altered and warped by my own changing relationship to the work and five years of consideration and change within myself. Or I might not remember at all and just have a guess. And I'm a best case scenario because I'm still alive. Thinking about a writers possible or stated intentions is interesting and can often lead to some compelling discussion or examination, but to try and hold it up as any sort of "truth" is, to my mind, deeply misguided.

Authorial statements can provide interesting context to a work, or suggest possible readings, but they have no actual transformative effect on the text. If an author says of a book that they always imagined y character being black, despite it never being mentioned in the text, that's interesting - what happens if we read that character as black? How does it change our responses to the that character actions and position? How does it affect the wider themes and story? It doesn't, however, actually make y character black because in the text itself their race remains nonspecific. The author lost the ability to make that change the moment it was published. It's not solely theirs anymore.

So yeah, that was a fuckin essay. In conclusion, serious and silly are both good, but serious does not mean yelling at other people about "misinterpretations", it means sitting with your personal explorations of a piece of art. All interpretations are valid unless they've legitimately missed a major part of the text (and even then they're still valid interpretations of whatever incomplete or odd version of the text exists inside that person's brain). Authorial intent is interesting to think about but ultimately unknowable, untrustworthy and certainly not a source of truth. Phew.

Oh, and blorbofication is fine, though it does to my mind sometimes pair with a certain shallowness to one's exploration of the work in question.

[kidrat]

having feelings about trans Gwen,,, like there's the 'superhero leading a double life' allegory for being closeted, which ppl have noted, but there's plenty I haven't seen anyone mention yet! like, the fact her dad has a trans patch in support of her means she's out.

She's a young trans *girl* (as opposed to a trans woman) living as her authentic gender in a loving home. she went to her school dance in a dress. she did ballet! which of course boys can do too, but often times when people are assigned male they don't get the chance to explore feminine hobbies. It's really lovely that someone, likely Gwen's dad, supported her enough to let her have those girly experiences and memories, whether she was living as a girl when she took dance up or as a gnc boy.

While it's subtle rep, I still think it's awesome to imply a character like Gwen is trans. Trans girls don't always get to have a childhood. Transmisogyny fetishizes transfems and presents them as always victimisers, never victims. They're barred from girlhood and it's connotations of innocence, vulnerability, lovableness.

Not that Gwen isn't a hashtag strong female character! And not that she hasn't had to grow up fast in other ways. She Is Literally Spiderwoman and she plays the drums and has agency and expresses negative emotions. But she's also a teenager, and she gets to be hugged and comforted, and to be set up for a soft friends to lovers relationship with another teenager, a cis boy who respects her and only knows her as a girl and thinks she's amazing and draws her in his sketchbook. That is not a role the media often lets trans girls have!!! It's lovely to think young transfems might be able to see themselves in a character consistently shown as worthy of affection.

Of course, the fact that Gwen is in the closet about being spider-woman is even sadder knowing this is her second rodeo. Lots of us have hesitated to come out a second time because our parents were supportive about the first thing and well, putting something else on them feels like taking the piss or hoping for too much.

Something else I wanted to talk about is how Gwen being trans effects a reading of her Peter's death, especially taking into account the new information this film gave us about this. There's this gendered switch happening, where Peter passes on his usual role to a woman. What's more, he has to die for her story to happen. She loves him, and never wanted him to die, but she's blamed for it anyway. Her father talks affectionately about the dead Peter, calling him his daughter's best friend. He talks about him like a son. He vows revenge on Gwen for killing him. It's a fantastic allegory for how some transphobic parents hate their out trans children for 'killing' the kid they had before.

I think with the above in mind, maybe we can see the subtext of Gwen's arc with her dad in this film as that of a supportive parent who's nevertheless got some biases left that hurt his trans daughter, who doesn't speak up for fear his acceptance is conditional.

I don't think it's a stretch to suggest that protecting a trans daughter is this Captain Stacy's motivation while he's working as a cop. Obviously there's the text that he wants to be a 'good cop' to work against the institution's bigotry, and he displays the trans flag on his work jacket. His quitting the police is a fantastic story beat because it makes a point about the real world while also serving a lot of the analogies going on.

Good cops quit. They realise you can't be a well intentioned cog in a bigoted machine. It doesn't matter if you're a bigot or just taking actions a bigot might because you're working within parameters set by bigots. It's an important message. Within a trans reading of the film, I'd also see this plot moment as Stacy realising he can't protect his trans daughter if he's still playing by the rules of a society that see her as threatening and duplicitous. He's then able to stop seeing her on some level as having killed his son.

They're able to be close again because he has completely rejected the cis culture he was a part of, rather than just decrying the worst parts and slotting Gwen in. She no longer has to worry that he'll rescind his acceptance if she's too trans, and so he gets to know all of her because she can let him into her world without self-editing.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on Gwen after watching Across The Spiderverse two hours ago lmao.

[meanbossart]

Oh boy, VaM is kind of a trial and error experience LOL I couldn't really show you how to use the interface and stuff without a whole video or something, but it's not THAT difficult to get a hang of if you just give yourself a day or two to play around, not to mention the number of tutorials you find out there. Luckily, if you only want to use it as a reference software that makes the process far easier (to this day I have no idea how to animate on that thing, since that's not what I use it for)

As for how I use it, it's pretty self explanatory - if there's a complicated pose I want to draw but I'm either having trouble with it, or just want to double-check angles/anatomy, I will use it as a resource! I use for most of my "proper" pieces (y'know, the nicer looking ones) and every once in a while for my silly comics if I'm having trouble with a pose.

Lets use this drawing for example (the character on top of DU drow belongs to @namespara )

I don't draw a lot of mud-wrestling (shocking, I know) but I had an idea of the kind of pose I wanted them to be in. So the very first thing I did was make a rough sketch of what I was envisioning:

I often do a rough sketch first, even If I know I'm going to be pulling the program up because A) It's less tedious than adjusting the models over and over again until I pick a pose and B) because sometimes I'll decide I don't need the reference, after all, and so that's 30 minutes I'll have spared myself of playing around on the software.

Now, this is a pretty complicated pose! It's in a weird angle and the bodies are making contact in ways I'm not used to depicting, so I did choose to whip out VaM for this one. I went into the program and after some messing around, I flopped my little dolls together like this:

Now something really cool about VaM is that you can completely customize your models, and if you have the patience, I would definitely encourage you to do so! Obviously, you don't have to make picture perfect replicas of every single character you have, but as you can see here I have made a DU drow "decoy" to help me better understand some of his features when I draw him: he has a strong brow, a short nose, a square jawline - these are all going to look a very specific way from certain angles, and I might not always be sure of how to draw it right! So it's useful to have models that bear SOME semblance to the character so you can better understand how different viewpoints will affect their bone structure and mass.

Also thank fucking god for the elf-ear slider. Figuring out how to draw those shits from certain angles was a huge pain in the ass when I started drawing DnD races.

So, with the reference in hand, I go over the sketch again:

Now you may notice that I don't stick to the reference 100%. There's three reasons for this:

posing on VaM is tedious as hell. You can get something incredibly natural looking and picture-perfect to reference from if you wish, but it's going to take you hours to do. So, for the most part I just slap guys together until the results are "close enough" and use that.

In my opinion, you should always aim to ENHANCE your reference material, not replicate it exactly!

While VaM is a PRETTY DANG GOOD source of anatomical reference, it isn't perfect, I often supplement it with further reference from real life resources or make tweaks based on my own knowledge where I catch it falling short (and, antithetical to what I just said, I sometimes fuck the anatomy up further on purpose if I think it looks better that way LOL it's all jazz baby).

Then lines, color, yada yada. I don't have a tutorial on that and I don't think I could make one, because my process is chaotic as hell, but I do at times use Virt-a-mate as loose reference for lighting too when coloring - waaaaayyyy less so however, because that process is even more tedious and I feel like I often get better results by just winging it. It is a feature of the program though, and I'm sure it would be helpful for someone who has a difficult time visualizing lights and shadows. I only started using this program a few months ago, so I happened to already have a pretty good understanding of that kind of thing and just don't personally feel like I get much out of that particular mechanic.

Here's a few other examples of pieces that I made reference for (WARNING: Suggestive)

Now, for the question many of you may want to ask:

"Can I trace this junk?"

And to that, I say: Buddy, you can do whatever the hell you want with the reference material you created.

However,

If your goal is to learn and improve your art, and to recreate realistic proportions and anatomy from memory, tracing won't help you.

Developing your own style, your muscle memory, and personal technique will all be hindered by choosing to trace instead of drawing from observation, so I would encourage against it. Hell - even when tracing is employed as a technique, it's usually by high-skill realism & concept artists who are looking to either cut some corners, save time, or just double-check their own proportions in order to improve further - if you try tracing as a beginner, you will most definitely find the result to still look stiff and "off".

So trust me, there is so much more to be gained from drawing from observation. Make note of tangents, compare proportions, use all the elements of the picture to dictate where and how things should go - it will be a far more rewarding experience.

Hopefully this has been helpful! VaM is a really cheap program (you get it on the guys' patreon for I think 8 dollars, just google it!) and it's definitely been worth my money as an artist since I found it. Learning to use it can be a little intimidating at first glance, but as I said above you only really need a day plus one or two tutorials to get a hang of the interface.

A fair warning though, IT IS A SOFTWARE MADE FOR VIRTUAL SEX/ADULT ANIMATION So when looking it up expect to see a some spicy content.

[alpaca-clouds]

BG3 fans, we gotta talk CPTSD

Okay, I have spend about a week considering writing this blog, but I really gotta say, that it is something people really need to understand. See, I mostly see this issue with Astarion and his depiction in fandom. However, I would argue that it is a thing that affects literally all characters that play some sort of bigger in this entire game. Including many NPCs.

But let me start with Astarion. See, I wrote the blog two weeks ago about people being judgy on people, who do not want to have graveyard sex with him. Mostly people will argue how Astarion should be allowed to have his agency in that moment - while I argued that whoever the player is playing should have also agency in that scene. Including the agency to say "no" for whatever reason. I also included that my Tav absolutely denied Astarion, because he was not trusting that Astarion in the scene really was ready for it, for a variety of reasons. Which is very much a valid reason for someone not to want to sleep with someone else. (Literally every reason is a good reason for that, mind you.)

And obviously there came the comment, that went basically: "As someone who was raped I am very appalled by you saying that raped people cannot consent." Which is very much not what I said.

What I said was, that my Tav did not consent. Yes, he did not consent because he thought Astarion was not ready for it - but he is the one not consenting. It does not matter for this whether his assumption about Astarion is true or not. Tav does not feel comfortable in the scene, so Tav does not want sex right there.

However... If you consider the drow orgy scene, Tav is also very much right. If you do that scene after defeating Cazador, Astarion is enthusiastically consenting to that orgy, but he still ends up dissociating during the scene. (And in that scene, even if your character notices it, you cannot go "Stop!" Which I hate.)

Here is the thing. If you are in the BDSM scene, you might actually have encountered a scenario in real life where someone was enthusiastically consenting to something - only to them realize, that they were not into it at all. And people can withdraw their consent IRL at this point. Only that in this game, obviously you can't. So within the game choices I will just start out with "no" for this character.

Still, that is actually not what I mainly wanted to talk about. No.

What I wanted to talk about is the other thing. I absolutely know that for a variety of reasons a lot of SA survivors do identify with Astarion, and I do not want to take that from anyone. I think it is amazing that we got a character with whom we see this issue portrayed seriously. And let's face it. Especially in tumblr fandom circles, we will have a lot of SA survivors, because the userbase of this website is majority afab, and many are queer. And we know from statistics that queer afab people are even more likely than non-queer afab people to experience SA at some point in there life. So, yes, Astarion is going to be embraced by this community makes sense - even without his dashing looks.

But here we get to the actual meat of the issue: Astarion was not just raped. Astarion was abused in a variety of ways - some of them sexual - over the course of 200 years. He went not through a single traumatic event, but an ongoing trauma that, again, lasted for 200 years.

Or to put different: Astarion does not have PTSD. He has C-PTSD. Complex trauma. The kind of trauma that develops when the trauma lasts over a long, long time, without the survivor getting a chance to ever really properly ever relax. Something that was very true for Astarion's time under Cazador. He was under constant threat of rape, torture, and other forms of violence.

While CPTSD is a form of PTSD, it has some differing symptoms - and additional symptoms from plain old PTSD.

I found this graphic on this blog here, and found it fairly good in the depictions. (If you google CPTSD you will find several graphics like this.) It shows very well the additional symptoms, compared to normal trauma.

Generally speaking, CPTSD brings a lot stronger issues with self-worth, interpersonal problems, and emotional regulation. CPTSD folks are often prone to emotional outbursts (this graphic names anger, but technically it can be all other kinds of emotional outbursts - which is why at times CPTSD gets confused with BPD).

And Astarion is written like this. He shows very much all the symptoms of CPTSD. And let's be honest: That is an issue he will have to deal with for a long, long while.

But... As I said, the same is actually true for pretty much all the characters.

If you look at the companions, it is obvious.

Gale spent at least a year in constant fear of blowing up. While Mystra's abusiveness towards him within the relationship prior the orb is more fanon than canon (though the relationship was defnitely not an easy one), the "one year in constant fear of death" is very likely going to instill some form of CPTSD in him.

Karlach was a slave for 10 years, forced to fight in the hells. While she will also probably suffer from certain forms of PTSD more common in soldiers. Additionally I would argue that she also has some CPTSD from tiefling-racism. While she does not bring it up often... She does seem to have a thing there.

With Wyll it is a bit more complicated. Yes, for him I would see the kind of CPTSD I have - parental abuse related. Ulder was not openly abusive, but neither was my mother, and guess what fucked me most up in my childhood, despite experiencing some really bad violence elsewhere.

Shadowheart was abused by Viconia and midwashed and tortured and was forced to kill her fucking pet mouse. Bonus points that a lot of it happened during her childhood. She very much is gonna suffer the consequences.

Lae'zel... Do I really need to say something about her upbringing among the Gith?

Then we have Halsin. We know fairly little about his background, given that he is very coy in talking about it. But his "three years as a drow slave" definitely make it likely that he has developed some form of CPTSD.

And then we have Jaheira and Minsc. For whom just the... Well, look folks, the adventuring lifestyle would logically also leave you with CPTSD of some sort.

Even if you play a Tav who entered the game after having a very untraumatic life... They will spent what has to be at least two months with a tadpole in their head threatening to kill them - while half of Baldur's Gate is trying to do the same. They'll have PTSD after this at the very least, if not CPTSD. (Even though, let's face it, chances are we all gave our Tavs more than enough background trauma to go along with it, right?)

And same goes for so many other characters. The tiefling refugees. Our main villains (especially Gortash and Orin). Cazador. The other vampire spawn (duh). The list goes on.

So, what am I trying to say here?

Well, for once I just want to make sure folks understand that CPTSD is a thing that exists and while being similar to normal PTSD differs in some points. Including the fact that people with CPTSD have a high likelihood to make very rash decisions driven by instable emotional states, that might be harmful to them on the long run.

And mind you. In real life most people with CPTSD have it because either they were bullied for a long time, or were in an abusive relationship of some sort. (Abusive parents, abusive partners, abusive friends/roommates.) But even in those heightened scenarios the game represents for the most part - the issues are gonna be still mainly the same.

[jokin-around]

I made a Twitter thread about this, but I've been reading early issues of Batman lately and something I've noticed is how differently the contrast between Batman and "Bruce Wayne" is depicted

obviously, in many things today, "Bruce" (ESPECIALLY in fandom) is often depicted as a happy-go-lucky himbo in order to draw contrast with a grim and "tortured" batman

so how does this hold up when you look at older depictions? the answer: it doesn't. in fact it was almost the opposite.

way back in the very first issues of the official Batman title, Bruce Wayne, no matter WHAT he's doing, isn't the one who laughs and smiles, Batman is.

and these are comics that were published BEFORE the comics code authority caused a dramatic shift in tone

Bruce Wayne (or least the cardboard cutout refered to as Bruce Wayne) isn't nessecarily described as grim, but he isn't a very happy person either, he's still a rich airhead, but not so much a "himbo" or even a dedicated businessman, he's depicted as a BORED, uninterested, aristocrat:

this Bruce seems to spend of his time smoking a pipe at home or mingling with other upperclass individuals, that in-between we tend to see MUCH more often in modern comics doesn't seem to exist yet (in part because the batcave Is non-existent which I suspect has given him a bit more privacy as a character)

MEANWHILE Batman, who's investigates murders every other night almost seems to be having the time of his life:

the early comics seem to routinely depict the burgoise as cold, snobbish & bored, in contrast to batman who seems particularly expressive and joyful, for all we know Batman may partially exist as some millionaires weird passtime, but of course Bruce Wayne (the real guy, not the facade) is written as someone who genuinely seems to care due to his own past experiences:

but , with all of that layed out, one can conclude that when ppl say Batman is the "true persona" ect. originally, it wasn't (just) because of his coping or whatever it was because when he wasn't Batman he was forced to live life as a cold, "useless" millionaire:

"what if a rich a guy gave a fuck?" is still very much the base concept here, but what's surprising is how much BITE there is to it

the concept wasn't being proposed because it's like… a plausible thing to happen or attainable on a personal level, but because the rich reliably and consitently do not care

the rich ppl in this book, "Bruce Wayne" included, are not written to be envied as people. they're written to be insufferable. ppl with endless resources who are still somehow unsatisfied with life and choose to do nothing useful or direct with the amount wealth they've accumulated

but ofc it shouldn't be ALL THAT surprising, Batman debuted in Detective Comics in 1939…. ONE year after the great depression, Bob and Bill had more than a good reason to feel a bit bitter

but rolling back to the point of this analysis, whenever I say "let batman be happy" I mean "let Batman enjoy his job" despite the pain, despite the death, despite the murder, despite the hypocritical nature of it all and how problematic it may be because it's a life he also chooses, not just out of compulsion, but because it's hands on, direct & purposeful. it gives him something to do & it gives him a chance to punch a problem in the face (which may be good or bad depending on what that problem is, but still)

that kind of depiction is what set up the groundwork for nearly every deconstruction that's come since but it's so buried in time at this point that lines from characters claiming bruce "loves being batman" seem to ring completely hollow

tbh, I think the old way of depicting Batman can be ( and as been in some media) woven into the way he's depicted today, in the past Batman was an outlet for every emotion Bruce Wayne had to hide elsewhere, a symbol of empathy, fury and passion, for modern Batman, I imagine those three things still hold true, layered on top of an alter ego that allows a modern Bruce Wayne to be weird and damaged and dark.

so uh, ln conclusion, I think batman enjoying what he does to a certain extent is a crucial aspect of his character that's been lost and withered and forgotten about, let him a have a little fun, we can discuss the ramifications of all that when discussion seems necessary

[nightcolorz]

Could you tell me your interpretation of why the Devil's minion split up after qotd? I only read up to that book and i've been learning through spoilers

omg I love this question! I personally think it was sort of an inevitability. Armand and Daniel were super unstable, on and off again-y while Daniel was human, and the binding factor that kept them together was that Armand was a vampire and Daniel was a human. Daniel can’t stay away from Armand for long because he’s obsessed and enthralled with everything monstrous and other about him (he’s also quite literally addicted to his blood). Daniel is so attached to Armand partly I think because he desperately wants to experience vampirism and after the affair with Louis he can’t see a reality for himself without vampirism in his life—whenever he tries to live normally he has that nagging reminder that their r supernatural wonderful things he will never be a part of and it drives him crazy.

Armand is in love with Daniel because he’s fascinated by all the things that make Daniel human. He considers him his link to the “modern age” and the thing that connects him to what he craves the most (humanity). Armand finds it very difficult to connect with people and by extension the world after how isolated he’s been for a good chunk of his immortality, and connection is very important to him. Daniel is how he experiences that. Armand also I think very much envies humans and wishes in a way to return to his humanity, and in this he finds experiencing humanity through daniel and seeing it in him very enthralling and special. Also Armand considers Daniel a mirror to how he was as a human (immature, lustful, brave, obsessed with the supernatural, doomed to failure), and Armand is very very frightened of seeing someone who he considers an embodiment of all he loves about humanity and a representative of the naivety he once had fall down his same path and loose it all to madness and immortal hell.

and obviously this is a huge issue!! Because Daniel loves Armand for his vampirism and Armand loves Daniel for his humanity, and both of them fundamentally want to abandon the thing the other prizes them for. But the tragedy there is that it’s not so superficial!! They also just love each other in a simpler, more personal sense. Daniel feels free with Armand, he feels like he can be the insane person he rlly is when they’re together. Armand gives Daniel access to the type of unhinged freedom and intense connection that he wants from life. He’s a walking subject Daniel can study, someone who never stops being fascinating (perfect for a journalist). And he loves his layers and his complexity, all the gross and horrible parts of him. Daniel first falls for Armand when he hears him genuinely laugh. <3, For armand, Daniel basically the only person who’s rlly ever seen him for who he is and loved him for it. Armand has a pattern of being shaped by people into something else, or misperceived and loved for that false image, and Daniel is in love with all the worst parts of armand. He loves him for everything he is, Daniel even says he’s an Armand expert lol. He sees it all and he loves it. And Armand is experiencing this type of unconditionality for the first time. There’s real connection there! The issue is that despite this so much of their relationship is built upon the vampire and human dynamic and it’s super hard to move past that.

The choice that Armand makes when he turns Daniel is “do I value Daniel more then I value his humanity and what that represents” and of course, Armand chooses Daniel, even tho it breaks him to do what he considers to be unforgivable to this person he loves so deeply. Armand vowed very early on that he would never turn a person into a vampire. And it’s cuz Armand rlly doesn’t like being a vampire 😭 He knows he wasn’t supposed to be a vampire, his maker goes around talking all the time about how armand was a mistake he should have never made and he’s fucked up bcus of how vampirism has affected him. And Armand knows that bcus of this he is a distortion of whatever person he could have been, and he’s always longing to understand part of what he’s missing. it’s rlly pretty sad. And so it makes sense that Armand would hate to take on the responsibility of, as he sees it, potentially ruining someone he loves. But he’d rather have Daniel alive than dead, so he turns him. Already this is hard on Armand bcus he considers it a selfish defeat to turn Daniel, choosing his own feelings over what he knows would be best for him. Daniel meanwhile is thrilled. Not off to a great start already

so Daniel was turned under insane circumstances and Armand and him have very little time to process any of it. Daniel is afraid to take life which isn’t abnormal in itself, but it freaks them both out. Once the insanity of queen of the damned settles down and Daniel and Armand r living together as a vampire x vampire couple at night island the issues begin to set in. There’s a huge disconnect now, Daniel is thrilled to be experiencing vampirism as he’s always wanted, Armand is grieving daniels humanity, neither of them r talking about it. Also, Daniel still has his addictive personality and his mental health issues which r exasperated by being a new vampire, so ofc he’s kind of loopy and kind of unstable. And Armand is realizing this and he’s thinking oh my god I’ve ruined Daniel I’ve destroyed the person I love the most, I’ve taken this person who I consider just like myself when I was a human and I’ve repeated the cycle of destruction, I destroy everything I touch oh my god. And I imagine this thought pattern led to Armand distancing himself from Daniel and being agitated and off putting, and I can say that being rlly excited about a change that ur partner is passive aggressively hostile about is like actual hell.

And the kicker!!! Armand’s primary mode of communication with his loved ones is the mind gift. It’s basically his safety net, in tvl it’s explained that Armand rarely ever talks out loud because he finds speaking through his mind much more comfortable. He uses the mind gift to express his feelings when he can’t with words, which is a pretty handy tool in a relationship when ur someone who struggles with verbal communication. But when Armand turns Daniel!! He can not communicate through the mind gift with him anymore!! So basically all these issues Armand is having and all this grief and stress and resentment is being left unsaid, and therefore unresolved. A couple can nottt get over an issue they aren’t talking about.

I imagine Armand felt like daniels vampirism was a huge barrier blocking him from ever connecting with him as he did ever again. Which!! Obviously Daniel will notice that Armand is giving up on him, and old patterns begin to resurface. They don’t have the “Daniel wants to be a vampire but Armand doesn’t want to turn him” argument anymore, but they do have a tension that is being left both unresolved and not understood by either party. All they know is the spark is fading and there’s resentment and there’s pain. And that tension, with these crazies, results in big blow out yelling matches and crying and “I’m leaving u for good this time I mean it!!”

so in conclusion, what I think happened with Daniel and Armand after qotd is that combined with his preexisting issues and his vampirism inflicted overstimulation, Armand’s bitterness and his distance drives Daniel to a mental break, and after some fight or another he leaves night island and vows to never return. Daniel is in a very vulnerable mental state as an already mentally ill new vampire. Vampirism has a very overwhelming effect on some people where the change to sensory processing makes it hard for some vampires to function fully on their on because of how difficult it is for them to process information. And daniels got that. I feel like he could have possibly made it through well with a strong support system, open communication, and guidance on how to navigate this new life, but obviously he didn’t have that.

When Daniel was a human he’d do this often, leaving, but then he’d realize he couldn’t live without Armand and come back. But when Daniel is so out of his mind he gets distracted by a light bulb or smth, he doesn’t come back. Maybe he would have if he was in his right mind, but he’s lost it and there’s not the safety net of Armand’s mind gift to come and locate him. So Marius finds him, decides that Armand is too broken and immature to ever care for his own fledgling, and he takes him in. And I figure that Armand’s guilt becomes unbearable after this, and he internalizes the assumption that he isn’t fit to have his own functioning relationships bcus of his issues, and he gives up on Daniel completely. Of course until the pl trilogy when they r able to re connect!

so yeah!! That’s my interpretation, loved this ask thank u for letting me yap. I hope this was coherent lol. Thank u sm!

[dizzyjelly]

Help Me Out?

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: You're popular and you ask the smartest girl in class to help you out with your math work, and how could she say no? She was confused as you start to actually become friends. Because she didn't understand why someone like you would take an interest in someone like her.

Cw: reader cries bc of a mean teacher, kinda loser!ellie, reader fights with her fake ass friend.

A/n: this is actually based off a real life experience, I was sadly the loser in this situation 😔 also I obviously dramatized it for the story but yeahh, anyways enjoy! There will be a part 2.

You had to be the most confusing girl Ellie has ever met. She wondered why on earth you spent your time talking to her, when you were so popular. It wasn't unknown that Ellie was a lesbian, actually it was pretty much what she was known for. But you didn't seem to care.

Math was never your strong suit, in fact you'd always struggle with it. Ellie, however, was amazingly good at it. She had her heart set on becoming an astronaut one day, and so she figured that she'd have to understand math. Joel helped her to do just that, but he also made sure she excelled.

Anytime your math teacher spoke, it sounded like complete gibberish to you. You'd even cry some nights, you know on the days she would yell at the entire class about how stupid they were. It just felt like she was singling you out. And not to mention all the passive aggressive notes she'd leave on your assignments or tests. One day, you figured why not ask Ellie for help?

She was utterly confused. Why would someone like you talk to someone like her? And out of your own free will.

"Ellie? I'm really sorry to bother you, but can you help me out..?" Your voice was quiet and you sounded timid almost.

At first, she was silent. She kind of just stared at you. But eventually, she came to her senses.

"Yeah of course! What's up?" You smiled, she spoke so kindly to you.

"Here, let me just-" you got up and stood at her desk, "number 6, and basically everything after it. I just don't get it.." You sigh softly.

"Okay, this is what I wrote." She said, merely handing you her paper.

"No, I don't want to copy yours. Can you explain it to me?" You ask, looking over at her now with pleading eyes.

Ellie nodded, giving you a thin-lipped smile before she began to talk and point things out. You wrote what she told you to and hummed every now in then with understanding. Eventually she'd helped you complete the whole thing, and you were beyond thankful.

This kind of interaction would continue to happen between the two of you for the next couple weeks. Your teacher had grown.. annoyed with this behavior. For some unknown reason she just had it out for you, because when you walked into class today, she announced a seat change.

Ellie was already in class, so she got up from her former seat and stod at the front of the room along with everyone else. You made your way to stand beside her, crossing your arms out of frustration.

As your teacher began assigning new seats, you sighed. Ellie looked over at you, but said nothing. So you decided to start the conversation.

"God I hate her. She's probably doing this just so I'll fail." You whisper.

"Whay do you mean?" Ellie whispers in return.

"You've been.. helping me out lately. I guess she just can't stand to see me succeed." You frown softly.

Ellie turns to face you once again, noticing how upset you really were. She didn't know what to say, or do. So she kept quiet and waited for her new seat assignment. After a few more minutes everyone was settled in their new seats.

You and Ellie were sat just about as far away as possible. This was definitely personal. Throughout class, you struggled tremendously. God this was just what your stupid math teacher wanted.

That day, you took it upon yourself to find Ellie at lunch. If she was shocked that you'd even speak to her, just imagine how insane she found it when you sat at her lunch table. Usually she sat alone, not because she didn't have friends, but they all had different lunch hours.

She felt so entranced by you, every word you said felt like it was burned into her brain. She admired you, truly. Even if she thought she had no chance with you. Ellie figured you were straight. Everyone knew you had a boyfriend last year, until you didn't. That was beside the point. Falling for a "straight" girl wasn't the first thing on her list, but that's what was happening.

"I literally hate her!" You complained.

"I know," Ellie nodded. "She is pretty annoying."

While Ellie wasn't fond of your math teacher either, she'd lie if she was. She'd agree with anything you said. God she felt pathetic.

"Fucking tell me about it.." You scoffed.

Ellie was confused when you say with her everyday for the rest of the week, but she wasn't complaining. She'd gotten to know you better. And she was quite impressed with who you really turned out to be.

She always thought high school girls like you were mean, but you were so sweet to her. Ellie had enjoyed spending more time with you, and she had no problem helping you out with your math work too. You were starting to get the hang of it, but it still didn't make complete sense to you.

Friday was your breaking point, you were just beyond frustrated by your work. Your teacher was busy on thr phone, so you figured why not. And you stood and walked over to Ellies desk. She blushed deeply as you'd gotten very close to her and whispered in her ear.

But you couldn't have been trying to flirt, you were just trying to be discreet, right? She began to explain the problem to you, perfectly ad always. And you were ready to thank her and start working, but before you could, your teacher called out your name angrily.

"What are you doing out of your seat. You have got to be one of the worst students I've ever had. Get back to your seat, now!" This time, her words genuinely hurt you.

Ellie watched you nervously, noticing how you'd gone silent and the way your bottom lip quivered. Her eyes widened and she felt so terrible when you began to cry. Your face ran red hot as you could feel everyone staring at you.

Ellie sighed softly and stood up, unsure what she should do. But she didn't have to guess because you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around her, resting your head on her shoulder. Ellie felt so awkward, and, she felt dizzy almost. Holding her arms around you felt so unreal, but god did it feel good.

Your teacher ended up sending the both of you to the hallway. Where you'd sit against some lockers, your knees pulled to your chest and your head resting in your arms. Ellie sat beside you, crisscross applesauce as she looked over at you and waited. She was waiting for you to say something, anything.

"Sorry.. I'm just overreacting.." You'd finally whisper.

"But you're not," Ellie was quick to reassure, and she placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, "she's been so mean to you for so long. Your completely valid to be upset by her.." her voice was quiet and soft.

"Thank you.." You smiled as you whispered, resting your head against Ellie's shoulder and wrapping your hands gently around her forearm.

She'd just nod in response then try and breathe regularly, which felt impossible when you were all over her like this. God, what did you do to her? After some time passed the bell rang and you two made your way to lunch. As you walked your interlocked your arm with Ellie's, which earned you a few glares.

You were relieved to just be able to sit down and have lunch, and relax. But that peace didn't last long when one of the girls you used to sit with decided to approach you and Ellie. She sat beside you and stared at Ellie as if she were some kind of alien.

"So, this is what you're busy doing? Hanging out with.. her?" Olivia spoke with disgust.

Your brows furrowed with confusion, what was her issue? You scoffed softly before answering.

"Yeah." You begin, your tone was anything but kind, "she's way better company than any of you ever were. You guys are mean and.. fake. Ellie is nice and she actually makes me feel good about myself." Ellie watched with amazement as you talked about her so highly.

"Whatever, you're a loser now anyways. We heard you cried in class.." She started to laugh at you.

"Jesus, who cares!" Ellie finally interjects, you watch her nervously, "look I know you think the most important thing in life is whether people think you're cool or not, which believe me, you're not, because you're just like every other basic bitch you hang out with. One day you're going to realize that wow, you peaked in high school, and it all goes downhill from here. Now would you please leave us alone?" Her words came off confident and snarky.

But you saw how her hands shook in her lap. She was so nervous. You smiled at her, she did that for you. Nobody ever did that kind of stuff for you. She really was.. good company.

While Ellie had fallen for you first so clearly, you fell a lot harder. Some part of you always knew you wanted to be more than just her friend, but it wasn't until now that it really hit you. As Olivia got up and walked away, Ellie could tell how you looked at her differently.

"Ellie.." You whisper, and she nods, "you're the best." You settle on a friendly compliment, because oh my God!

You liked Ellie, you'd never expect that. Not because she was a girl, but just because she was Ellie. And it's not that she was unattractive or anything. But you two were just so different. It didn't make total sense, if any.

"Oh, thank you.." She blushed.

"Hey, let's hang out after school." You spoke with excitement, "I could sleep over!" Ellies eyes widened at that.

Immediately she thought about the two of you.. in the same bed. God what would she do. She'd have to figure it out, because of course, she agreed. You couldn't wait for the school day to end.

[cosmichorrorlesbians]

new Silt Verses ep was so incredibly good and there's so much to talk about but I keep coming back to Sibling Rane.

I think Jon and Muna do a great job of making even minor characters feel distinctive and resonant with the main cast, and the disciples of the various faiths are one of the places this shows most strongly. The disciples of the Trawlerman are the people Faulkner has made himself responsible for and as early as Chapter 22 a thread develops that many of them are naïve, and young, and almost comedically earnest.

And yet, at the same time, these 'children' are part of-- at the forefront of, even-- Faulkner's acquistion of power within the Parish. In the same episode, Thurrocks accurately articulates both the depth of the faith they have in him and the result to which it is already leading.

So. Young members of the faith as (at least superficially) earnestly artless and yet having a dangerously fervent power of belief. Rane, when we meet them in Chapter 30, seems like another genuine and ardent neophyte.

They're eager and conscientious and I half expected them (like Jasp) to last less than two episodes. But they become a quiet background voice to Faulkner's downward spiral. They take on administrative tasks, attending to Roemont when he visits the Gulch, and-- increasingly-- becoming an emotional and social anchor for Faulkner as he slides into depression.

Rane doesn't seem to be a born diplomat. Earnest. Naïve. Clumsy. But I think that ambiguity the stage directions draw out is interesting. Is Rane really so ingenuous? Are they 'pretend[ing]'? They've taken on so much responsibility for the faith, smoothing over awkwardnesses, arranging things in the background, organising transport and supplies while Faulkner broods. Is it earnest? Pragmatic? Both?

I think it's very easy to read Rane as having unreciprocated romantic feelings towards Faulkner. I certainly do. Their devotion shades into excess, and in the moments where the pair seem to engage almost as equals, like the car ride in Chapter 38, there's this real sense of simultaneous shared joy and an underlying desire on Rane's part to 'get Faulkner's attention' and prove themself worthy of it. To impress him.

This Chapter sees Faulkner experience a dark night of the soul. He's already depressed to the point of suicidal ideation, detached from his surroundings and utterly anhedonic. He's clearly not equipped to acknowledge or accept love from others, romantic or platonic. This episode is about caring for someone who is fundamentally disconnected from you, who will never see things the way you do but must be loved and kept safe nonetheless. It's also where Rane saves Faulkner's life.

Rane, acting as caretaker, quietly reverses the established power dynamic of their relationship. Faulkner's attempted drowning directly parallels his childhood experience of conversion as recounted in Series 1. He becomes the lost, frightened child in their dynamic.

This speech obviously underlines Faulkner's insecurities, his youth, and the validity of his prophetic status as "chosen". We know he's engineered and manipulated his own glorification.

But it also draws attention to how Rane acts as a parallel to Faulkner. Faulkner, when we first meet him, seems precisely this enthusiastic if inept younger disciple. 'Was I like that?' he asks himself about Thurrocks. Maybe he was once. Because we see the same kind of darkness surface in Rane. As Faulkner clearly no longer cares if he lives or dies, they take on more and more of the unspoken burden of leadership.

They 'stage-manage'. They become the structural surety at the heart of the myth of Faulkner, putting in his hard work, handing him his kelp wreath, shoring up his crumbling facade. They recognise the gap between what he is and what his people want him to be, what they need him to be.

'It will be different when it's written'. Did Faulkner trip, or was he shoved? Does it even matter? We don't truly know whether Rane has taken the wheel as the endgoal of some Machiavellian scheme, or as a decision of pure pragmatism motivated by their faithful zeal, or out of desperate, genuine, self-deluding care for Faulkner, but is it important?

Faulkner isn’t just made up of Faulkner any more. Rane is being quietly assimilated into his legend. 'When it's written', I doubt they'll be much more than a footnote in his story. But I would also dispute whether High Prophet Faulkner isn't substantially a creation of unnoticed, unappreciated Sibling Rane.

[sepublic]

You've gotta wonder what kind of person Manny Noceda was; He's one of two people who informed so much of Luz's character, her grief and posthumous relationship with her father is reflective of the creator's own experiences, it's foundational to the story itself in how Luz chooses to honor her parent and keep his memory alive as she learns to keep living for herself, too.

I already wrote a fic briefly exploring on that, but let's talk about it more: Obviously it's not always so clear-cut between parents and children in real life, but I guess you could see Luz as the culmination of Camila and Manny. So one could use this as a means to work backwards with Manny, to see what parts of Luz she didn't get from Camila, but from her father.

I imagine Manny as someone very confident, brash; He doesn't back down from a challenge. Maybe Manny immigrated to the U.S. to boldly pursue the American Dream, and didn’t give up when it hadn’t immediately paid off, just as his daughter embraced the Boiling Isles. But I also think a part of him doesn't want to be seen as weak, less capable, conceding to others. Manny isn't going to let other people bully him around and he doesn't want Luz or Camila to be hurt that way either. If Camila passed down her fear to Luz, Manny passed down his thoughtlessness; So he might have that same headstrong tendency to sweep others along in his need to prove himself, and in his well-meaning need to help them prove themselves.

Did it ever frustrate Camila, who would sometimes be more worried about just surviving by fitting in? Maybe they both balanced each other out, just as Luz balances out these different, seemingly paradoxical parts of herself. Did he not want to appear weak like Luz, particularly with the context of his illness? Did Manny try and hide that, prioritize his loved ones, just as Luz later did, maybe even internalized from him?

I can't imagine how scared he was, slowly dying; Particularly when it comes to his wife and daughter. He's going to leave them behind. He wants them to be safe so badly. He wants to see Luz grow up and become the person she wants to be. He wants his family to know that it's okay to be themselves, that they're everything. But Manny isn't sure if he's getting it across in the right words, if he's saying it properly. He needs to make the most of his time.

I can see Manny as someone loud, energetic. Eccentric. Luz gets her odder mannerisms from him, he's brimming with this earnest, delightful energy that's so hard not to like. Did he immigrate to the U.S., or was he the child of immigrants? Grandchild, even? Did he and Camila resonate together over their ancestry as another reason for feeling alienated from the majority, where they were? How did they feel about their own families, did they also worry about having to choose between two worlds? Did Manny desperately fight tooth and nail to survive, because us weirdoes have to stick together?

Did Manny have anyone else to tell him to stick up for himself, or did he have to figure it out himself? Was Camila one of those people who helped, and vice-versa, did they both reassure one another? And when Manny was gone, Camila just didn't have the heart and confidence to keep saying that to herself. Was Manny still scared for his wife and daughter when he died, or did he dare hope in his final moments, just as he always dared to live as himself in life? I wish Manny could’ve gotten to see how his loved ones would thrive, and all of the people they’d meet and befriend.

[payasita]

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

[the-bonfires-ember]

Friendship and ASPD

In a cluster b server I’m in, someone asked about how ASPD impacts friendships and I was encouraged to cross post my response on here so here we go.

Firstly, I’m going to go through how I figured out friendship and how to make it work for me starting from my lowest functioning point to where I am now.

So to begin with, I had no true circles. I floated between groups of people who could give me what I wanted in that moment and just manipulated them into giving it to me if my request alone was not satisfactory. Sometimes all I wanted was social camouflage, sometimes i wanted money or food or a distraction. It was arbitrary and there was no real long term plan - at least, when i was no longer in an environment where long term strategies were vital.

Eventually, as I started working on my recovery, I managed to maintain relationships that were exclusively online. The convenience in putting away my laptop and my social obligations disappearing along with it was immensely helpful and it gave me a way of experimenting with being a little more open and a little more attached that had no Real Life repercussions. It was still transactional, all my relationships still are to this day, but they started becoming less Obviously transactional. I was still getting physical, tangible stuff from people, but I was also getting support, a safe space to figure out how to relate to my emotions, and somewhere to practice empathy and other social skills like it. There was a lot of trial and error but when I ruined something in one space I could just start again somewhere else and not have to worry about the two overlapping.

Now that I am Recovered™️ sort of, I’ve developed Exceptions, who have at some point shown that they are trustworthy and nonjudgemental and understand the antisocial side of my personality and are happy to help me work around it. My symptoms sort of change around them. I don’t have remorse but with Exceptions I will feel a kind of visceral disgust directed at myself for how I could have hurt them like that and that will quite often spark a narc crash.

I decided a long time ago what I didn’t want to be, so throughout the entire process I was watching for patterns of behaviour that were harmful for the sake of being harmful. I created a quite intricate set of rules that I couldn’t loophole my way out of and that was very much an important factor in how I continued to develop my skills and ability to interact and maintain relationships.

I am still bad at a lot of stuff though. I don’t reach out to people, I never start conversations so a lot of people just disappear until I’m reminded of them. I’m also awful at vocalising appreciation and while I know logically that people like to help their friends, I constantly have an internal debate about whether I am taking advantage of people I don’t want to be taking advantage of (given that taking advantage of people tends to make them pissed off eventually). And there are days where I don’t want to be around anyone at all and thats ok. It’s better for me to let myself be by myself than to force myself to interact with people when I really dont want to.

Recognising where I lack skills and reflexes prosocials have has been a skill in and of itself and it took a long time to develop it. But it’s been worth it to me, I’m now able to experience and enjoy so many aspects of life I thought weren’t meant for me.

And I’m very smug about being able to get it despite it being implied I never would.

[freuleinanna]

I'm still confused about Verna.. I thought she was a demon?? Because why would Death be going around making a bunch of deals with people? After Verna told Pym she decided to go "topside" I thought she was some kind of crossroads demon since it implies she came from below (hell)

Oh! I feel you, and I struggled with that a lot too. She does seem a lot like a demon. I'm not saying I'm 100% correct in my thinking either, but here's why I personally think she's Death. Kind of a long post, sorry. I hope I make myself clear, but feel free to follow up!

So, Verna. An anagram for Raven, that much is established. Ravens are wonderful - symmetrical even - creatures. Bringers of death in a wide understanding. Bringers of good luck in many cultures. The duality is amazing. To me, that also leans majorly into the theme of death being a concept of duality: an enemy for some, a friend for others. Each greets her differently. I'm not talking about the characters here, but people in general.

There's a proverb I came across a while ago that reads 'Death is a great leveller'. Meaning, everyone's equal before her. You have no leverage or buffer against death, and it doesn't matter if you're poor or blindly, feverishly, grotesquely rich (like our folks here). Everyone pays the last bill. For everyone, there's a day of reckoning. It's a major theme with the show, at least. Verna also says 'Buy now, pay the bill later' - although it can still read very demonic, I agree.

She's obviously ancient, and I was leaning toward the demon theory based on all of her talking. Yet - she also keeps ranting about Egypt and pyramids and Cleopatras and such. What's the one thing with Egyptians everyone knows of? They honored death. Death may have been a bigger part of their lives than life itself. The Usher Twins' obssession with all things Egyptian, antiquities, jewelry, swords and such, plays a nice parallel here too, because they're just collectors. They have no grain of honor for the real thing, for what these things are tied to. Kind of a nice thought, I guess.

Anyway, back to Verna. She says on multiple occasions how intrigued she is with us, 'adorable little things'. She saw the pyramids, the expeditions, and she wanted to see what else we do, she wanted to see what Roderick and Madeline will do (in her own words). It's all an experiment to her. She makes an offer just to see what we, people, do.

Here's where my beef with a demon theory comes in. No demonic creature I could think of, be it an actual demon, a trickster, or something else, is that sincerely intrigued. Something something death loving life something something.

Demons, in my understanding, are most interested in winning the deal. They come up with incredible challenges, they enjoy torture, emotional or physical, they never let anyone win. Verna has never once expressed this. Quite the opposite. She gives everyone a chance to step back. Even when the ink has dried and everything's decided, each Usher sibling is conditioned to make a choice: push forward, or step back. Neither of them steps back. Neither of them takes a long hard look at themselves (except Tamerlane, both literally haha and figuratively, as she's the only one to have realized how lost she was in her way - just at the end, when it didn't really matter anymore, but still). Verna is kind to those she takes (sincere pet names, regrets of having to do it this way, making sure they know it's not personal, etc). She grieves with them, just before. Grieving - 'The Raven' being about an expression of grief and trauma - ravens as synonyms for death... you get the gist. Oh! Except Freddie - cause Freddie struck a cord. Infuriated her. So he doesn't get an expressed choice. And he would've blown it like coke anyway, so meh.

And then Arthur Pym. Oh, Arthur Pym. I honestly couldn't imagine a demon kneeling and thanking someone who's refused them.

About Arthur Pym, by the way. It's the one story I hadn't reread, and I should have, it turns out! haha Anyway, a few notes about his travels:

In the story, Arthur Pym is expressedly afraid of white color (North Pole, yada yada, white being the absense of colors/life, and the absense of life is death).

Verna enumerates the moments she witnessed of his travels. Someone getting left in Sahara. Someone getting shot in the Arctic. Something bad that was done to an Inuit woman. Why would she follow Arthur so closely? She didn't know him, he wasn't her favorite. I think it's because she came to collect those deaths. If she is death, she would've been exactly there, where people died. She would have also seen Arthur not partaking.

Aaaaaaaand it makes her 'You saw me' line sound better, because he had sure seen death along his travels.

I think the part about a place of out-of-time, out-of-space creatures and hollow Earth was a bit unnecessary, BUT I can try and tie it in this way:

It showed us how Arthur might have coped with what he saw, and he 'saw a lot', even in his 70s it's difficult for him to recall, and it made him think of humanity as a virus, literally;

He might have thought up that ethereal realm simply because he was in an expedition? Exhaustive conditions for both body and spirit? Traumatic experiences? If he saw Death, he might have cloaked it in his mind to cope with it, thus came his stories;

Verna going 'topside' may just mean that she had to go take a look herself, actually be willingly present for the events - to see the brave little humans conquer the earth. 'Topside', as in, 'visible, present, participating'. If Death exists, I doubt it bothers with our boring human realm but lives downunder, among all threads that weave the world.

So that's that on Arthur Pym.

A few other references my mind is too exhausted to tie in nicely:

Death takes Lenore. THE Lenore from 'The Raven' (mostly) and 'Lenore' (secondary). That happened. Also, death talking to a child of life? Regretting having to take her? Not very demonic of dear ol' Verna, in my opinion.

Her mourning veil, her last toasts to the Ushers at the cemetery? Demons don't tend to grieve their players. Demons don't respect and love them enough, and 'what is grief, if not love persevering'?

Death is the last threshold. Before death, we look upon our legacy (major theme with the show), we remember our losses and loves (Annabel Lee!!!!! love the poem, brilliantly done), we get heavy with regrets. We face death as an enemy & fight, like Madeline did. As a friend, like Arthur did. We confess, like Roderick did. All that is too significant to me overall.

And the last thing. It's Edgar Allan Poe. The whole Death tribute is a giant, incredible, thought-through-to-the-bits hommage to his literature where Death, figuratively and literally, takes the throne.

I hope I managed to express myself alright there. Thanks if you read it through, and as I said before, feel free to follow up or elaborate on some ideas. There are oceans to discuss. <3

[youremyheaven]

The Outcaste Nakshatra Urge to be Anti-Establishment

Disclaimer: As an Indian, I find the caste categorization of nakshatras to be very icky ngl but that said I do find that it does aid in the understanding of the nature & behaviour of nakshatra natives. I do not want this post (or any post I make on a similar theme in the future) to be read to mean that it ties to caste in real life and how people of a certain caste behave irl (i honestly dont know how many of you're Indian or even know what caste is but yeah). Nakshatra caste is different from irl caste and not synonymous with each other.

Outcast nakshatras tend to rebel against the status quo and have views that are very anti-establishment. This is only natural/logical since its always people who suffer the brunt of the system that try to rebel against it or point out its faults as opposed to someone who only reaps the rewards/benefits of said system.

In Claire Nakti's video about wealth indicators in astrology, she mentioned how a debilitated Moon aka Moon in Scorpio/Jyeshta was prevalent in the charts of the billionaires and is a major wealth indicator. Whereas Moon in Rohini (which is Moon's exaltation) creates contentment which means there's no room for growth, it makes the native content to the point where they're in a state of stagnancy and decay since there's no inner motive for change or growth or transformation. Jyeshta does the opposite, they're internally conflicted, and lacking contentment, so they're driven to accumulate things externally, they keep pushing because they're constantly dissatisfied.

I am working on a separate post about Moon-dominant natives but I find this specific quality of Rohini to be very scary, I have known several Rohini Moon natives irl who were like this, they chose the easier, more comfortable path in life even though it was bound to rot them from the inside and after many years, the stagnancy gets to them and they struggle with the lack of meaning/emptiness they feel.

I mention this because its important to understand what causes a person to rebel against the order/system.

Outcaste/Mleccha (pronounced muh ley-cha) Nakshatras are Bharani, Ashlesha, Visakha and Shravana.

(pyramid diagram by me: sorry for this wonky ass pyramid idk what im doing, hope u understand)

little bit of a tangent: in an earlier post with @venussaidso we mentioned how Purvabhadrapada is seldom mentioned in discussions about Jupiter natives, in that post I said that the concluding naks of every planet kind of transcends its influence. I also feel like another reason Purvabhadrapada is kind of excluded from these conversations about Jupiter influence (even in Claire's latest video about Jupiter women, most of the focus was on Vishaka and Punarvasu with only a few token Purvabhadrapada natives thrown into the mix)

Looking at the above diagram, we can see that Vishaka is an outcaste nakshatra which is why it experiences these themes (referring to Claire saying Jupiter natives spend a lot of their lives feeling invisible, feeling like outcasts etc) the most acutely, followed by Punarvasu which is a Vaishya caste nakshatra which means it falls in the middle of the caste hierarchy but unlike the Brahmin & Kshatriya caste nakshatras who enjoy a fixed position in society by birth, Vaishya (which is merchant & farmer caste) enjoy relative privilege only due to their labour and if they fall on bad times, they may not have anything to fall back on. They're kind of the fringes of society if that makes sense because their position is not as secure as the Brahmins/Kshatriya caste naks. Obviously, they are not ostracized the way the Shudra & Outcaste nakshatras often are and given their position, its always possible for them to accumulate wealth and status and climb the ladder which is not an option available to the Shudra & Outcaste nakshatras.

Purvabhadrapada is a Brahmin caste nakshatra which is at the very top of the hierarchy. Even though its Jupiter ruled, it does not experience the Jupiterean themes of exclusion, ostracization, invisibility and the subsequent transformation to the same degree or extent. Its energies are different and not connected to the themes or experiences of Punarvasu & Vishaka which is perhaps why it's often excluded (even subconsciously).

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Back to the main topic,

Outcaste nakshatras are social outcasts who are not accepted into society, or who feel like they don't belong to mainstream society as they're unable to conform to its views & principles. They are ostracized either for existing or for their views and behaviour.

I'm only using this flow chart to depict the hierarchy so that it's easier to understand the dynamics of different nakshatras and I have no intention of hurting or causing harm to anyone in the name of caste

Outcaste nakshatras exist outside the hierarchy as they're not considered to be a part of the system but as those who do not belong on the hierarchy at all, they are given no place in society. This is disgusting and inhumane on every level but given their position its only understandable why Bharani, Ashlesha, Visakha and Shravana, who are the outcaste nakshatras behave the way they do or hold the opinions and ideas they do. They spend their whole lives feeling "othered", so it's easy for them to see the faults in the system as they've never benefitted from it. They are villainized by others and seen as bad people (Bharani & Shravana are Manushya (human) gana naks whereas Ashlesha & Vishaka are Rakshasa (demonic) gana naks, so I will say experiences across naks will vary)

This often manifests quite literally

Jennie, Vishaka Moon has received torrential hate even though she's arguably the biggest name in Kpop right now. (the video in question is not a hate video, its about why kpop stans have a tendency to blame Jennie for everything and how for many their hate towards the system as a whole is kind of directed at her because she's the face of the system for many).

Jennie was on the cover of Elle Icons Issue in 2023 and when asked what makes someone iconic, she said:

“Someone who clearly has their own opinions and thoughts, I think you’d only be able to be called an icon if you had the ability to ask others questions through your own perspective, rather than only share answers that everyone agrees on or stories everyone could like.”

This clearly reflects a tendency to challenge the status quo which she has done throughout her career, be it being a lingerie model (v unusual for a mainstream popular idol at the peak of their career), never addressing or apologizing for her dating scandals (imo nobody should have to apologize for dating someone but again its sadly the norm in the industry) or her "daring" concert outfit choices.

I've often suspected that Namjoon is perhaps Vishaka Rising because he's also always catching strays and received unsubstantiated hate over nothing. Plus given his transformation over the years, I feel like he really embodies Jupiter's extremes.

Anywayyyyy.

What does it mean to be a revolutionary? Someone who questions the way things are and refuses to conform and wages a movement, rebellion or uprising against the system can be described as a revolutionary. To think critically and to think outside the box (the box being society) has always been rare and very few people have had the audacity to question things and rise up against the system even at the risk of their own safety and perhaps relative privilege.

People who think radically and dare question the establishment are risking scrutiny, punishment, social exclusion among other things. Many movements are led by individuals who have outcaste naks but very often they're unable to amass support and remain lone wolves in the fringes of society disconnected or disillusioned by it all.

Karl Marx, Bharani Sun & Moon, Dhanishta Rising, Mars in Punarvasu atmakaraka (also his chart ruler) and Ketu in Swati

Marx, whose critique of materialism and capitalism are still valid today lived and died in the 19th century but he foresaw the directions things would head in and literally its only gotten worse. He had his Sun & Moon in an outcaste nakshatra, his atmakaraka and chart ruler in Punarvasu which also experiences outcast themes, Dhanishta is Vaishya caste like Punarvasu (relative stability but not necessarily secure) and Swati is Shudra caste. Marx's early life was quite stable but his lawyer dad died when he was a teenager and since then he struggled with his finances and was often very poor and he died as a poor man as well.

Martin Luther King Jr- Mercury in Shravana (amatyakaraka), Venus in Shatabhisha (chart ruler), Bharani Rising

MLK Jr grew up during an era of racial segregation but his own family was a little better off that a lot of other African-American households at the time since his father was a church minister. Both him and his father spoke openly against racial segregation and demanded civil rights (including equal voting rights) for African-Americans. Like Marx who had spent the majority of his adult life in poverty and then criticized materialism & capitalism since he knew first hand what a life without safety nets looked like, MLK Jr experienced the cruelty and horrors of racial discrimination and rose against the system to demand better for himself and his people.

Mahatma Gandhi- Hasta Sun, Ashlesha Moon, Chitra Rising with Venus & Mars in Vishaka (amatyakaraka) and Ketu in Shravana

Gandhi was an anti-colonial nationalist who protested through non-violent movements. He grew up in a moderately well off family and studied in London and it was only later in life when he was working as a lawyer in South Africa and personally experienced discrimination due to his skin colour and ethnicity that he began to question all things British Empire. He had an arranged marriage at the age of 13 and as an adult he was staunchly opposed to the practice.

Nelson Mandela- Punarvasu Sun, Vishaka Moon, Mula Rising, Mercury conjunct Saturn in Ashlesha

All of these are either lower caste or out-caste nakshatras

Mandela spent 27 years in prison and then became the first President of South Africa. Mandela's early life was a relatively sheltered one as his father was a counsel to the monarch but then later lost his position. It was only in his adulthood as a law student that he had become "politicized" by witnessing the unfairness of the apartheid regime.

Che Guevera- Krittika Sun, Shatabhisha Moon, Venus in Bharani, Mars & Rising in UBP, Saturn in Jyeshta atmakaraka (and chart ruler) and Ketu in Jyeshta

Che grew up in an upper class family and was studying medicine at university when he went on a motorcycle journey, initially through his home country of Argentina and later through other parts of Latin America like Chile, Colombia, Ecuador etc and it was on this journey that he witnessed the suffering of people from poverty, hunger and disease and decided to leave medicine and pursue armed struggle to help them. He has a combination of low caste and outcaste nakshatras but his Sun is in a Brahmin nakshatra and his Mars & Rising are in UBP which is a Kshatriya or warrior nak which is interesting because Che never experienced poverty or discrimination in his life unlike all the people I've mentioned above and he believed armed struggle was the way to help people (that's the Warrior caste nak energy for u).

Arne Naess, Shravana Sun, Bharani moon & saturn (amatyakaraka) and Rohini Rising was a Norwegian philosopher and environmentalist. He coined the term "deep ecology" and is a very important figure in the environmental movement that originated in the late 20th century. He was an avid mountaineer and wrote most of his works in a mountain hut which significantly shaped his view of ecology and environment.

Again, we see how someone's experiences lead them to having the beliefs they do. I am not saying someone who hasn't had first hand experience of something cannot use their intellect to form an opinion about it (to support or not to support) but when its your lived experience you don't have the luxury of being detached from it which is why I emphasize this throughout the post. How the lived experiences of outcaste nak natives forces them to be radicals and revolutionaries.

Ted Kaczynski, Krittika Sun, Ashlesha Moon & Rising, Venus in Revati (exalted), Mars in Punarvasu & Ketu in Shatabhisha

I include him as a kind of cautionary tale because like I said before not every person who holds revolutionary ideas will be hailed as a hero.

Ted had a genius level IQ of 167 (higher than Einstein) and he graduated highschool at 16. He skipped 6th grade and by his own admission he felt very isolated among peers who were older than him. He later went to Harvard and then got his Masters & PhD (all in Math) from University of Michigan.

At Harvard, he spent 200 hours over the course of 3 years in Henry Murray's brutal psychology experiment along with many other students. Murray worked for US Intelligence and conducted mind-control experiments (suspected to be Project MK Ultra) of which this was a part. At the age of 25, he started teaching at Berkeley before quitting 3 years later in 1969 and spending the next 25 years living in an isolated cabin in the woods in Montana. Between 1978 and 1995, Kaczynski mailed or hand-delivered a series of increasingly sophisticated bombs that cumulatively killed three people and injured 23 others. He was captured and arrested and sentenced in life in prison where he committed suicide.

He had written a manifesto called "Industrial Society and its Future" where he said:

"The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race." He wrote that technology has had a destabilizing effect on society, has made life unfulfilling, and has caused widespread psychological suffering. Kaczynski argued that most people spend their time engaged in ultimately unfulfilling pursuits because of technological advances; he called these "surrogate activities", wherein people strive toward artificial goals, including scientific work, consumption of entertainment, political activism, and following sports teams. He predicted that further technological advances would lead to extensive and ultimately oppressive forms of human control, including genetic engineering, and that human beings would be adjusted to meet the needs of social systems rather than vice versa. Kaczynski stated that technological progress can be stopped, in contrast to the viewpoint of people who he said understand technology's negative effects yet passively accept technology as inevitable. He called for a revolution to force the collapse of the worldwide technological system, and held a life close to nature, in particular primitivist lifestyles, as an ultimate ideal.

I feel like most people today will agree with his views but that said Ted was a terrorist who hurt many people and I do NOT condone violence at all. His approach was flawed to say the least but his thinking and ideology is very radical.

He was a socially isolated genius for most of his life and couldn't conceive of a different way to put his ideas forth or head some kind of counter cultural movement, instead he killed people.

Having outcaste Nakshatras (Vishahka, Ashlesha, Shravana, Bharani) can be a very challenging experience because you feel isolated, outside the system, where belonging isn't even a possibility and feel like people always reject you/dislike you/are threatened by you and you haven't even done anything. Its easy to see how these experiences can be very demoralising and make SOME individuals prone to cruel retaliation.

Octavia Butler- Ardra Sun, Ashlesha Moon (atmakaraka), Punarvasu mercury & Rising with Jupiter in Vishaka chart ruler (and amatyakaraka)

She's known as the mother of Afrofuturism and used science fiction to explore what was wrong with society.

Parable of the Sower is the first of the two-book Earthseed/Parable series. Set in a future society that has been ravaged by climate change and economic stratification, its heroine is a young woman living in a gated community who suffers from "hyperempathy" which makes her feel the pain of anyone around her. When her home is destroyed, she leads a group to found a new community, Earthseed. It was published in 1993 but it literally sounds like a prophecy of what was to come.

Her chart is filled with Shudra & Mleccha/Outcaste nakshatras along with Punarvasu Rising which is a Vaishya nakshatra that experiences social exclusion and literally the plot itself is so rooted in all of these themes from being an outsider to being hyperempathetic to founding a new community.

Christopher Hitchens- Aswini Sun, Chitra Moon & Ketu with Venus in Revati atmakaraka and Mars in Revati amatyakaraka

Hitchens has criticized just about everybody under the sun, including war criminals like Kissinger who were and are hailed as heroes. But that said his cause was never personal per se (Sun & Moon in Vaishya naks) he was merely criticizing the establishment because of the faults he found with it.

Howard Zinn- Magha Sun, Uttaraphalguni Moon, Mars in Jyeshta atmakaraka

He was a well known anti-war activist and socialist intellectual who has written extensively on the civil rights movement. He was a bombardier during WW2 and these experiences subsequently made him anti-war. He has a combination of Shudra, Kshatriya and Vaishya nakshatras and they really reflect in his life experiences as he grew very poor to parents who were immigrants and factory workers, later went to war and then became a staunch critic of it and of the system itself. Although he's experienced all of it, he spent most of his life as a professor and public intellectual who criticised it, that was his path.

In the movie The Matrix, Neo is believed to be The One who will end the war between humans and the machines and has the ability to manipulate The Matrix. The movie itself is laden with Punarvasu themes all throughout but what I found particularly interesting is the fact that Laurence Fishburne & Carrie Ann Moss who play Morpheus & Trinity respectively and who believe Neo is The One are both Purvabhadrapada Moons. Neo is ofc played by Punarvasu Moon native Keanu Reeves.

Although others are skeptical about his abilities, Neo has the backing of two PBP native which is to say, the people at the very top of the hierarchy. Punarvasu's outcast themes manifest throughout the movie, especially since Neo was not an original part of the crew, instead a hacker they happened to find and now believe to be "The One".

A little random but the K-drama Vagabond is a very interesting anti-establishment story (its full of a lot of plot twists and I don't want to give anything away) but it stars Bae Suzy who is Hasta Sun, Mula Moon and Vishaka Stellium (including Venus in Vishaka atmakaraka and Jupiter in Vishaka amatyakaraka) and Lee Seung Gi who is Uttarashada Sun & Ardra Moon

If you watch the show (SPOILER ALERT) you'll know that they're both fighting the system from the inside and the outside, Suzy's Hasta- Vaishya nak allowing her some access into the system although she becomes increasingly disillusioned as time goes and then finally realizing the truth and being cast out (Vishaka-outcaste) Seung Gi's character was already on the outside (Ardra is Shudra caste or lower caste) and then he opts for armed struggle (Uttarashada is warrior caste).

Back to something I mentioned at the beginning of the post about how Exalted Moon natives are content to the point of decay and how debilitated moon makes a native discontent and constantly striving to improve things. I felt the need to say this in relation to outcaste nakshatras because all of the people mentioned above have been through A LOT in life, including long prison terms, abuse, discrimination, violence etc, they have endured SO much and since they're on this post, most of them are remembered for their valor and perseverance and for having dared to question the status quo, demand better and change the world.

So we know that it takes someone of extremely strong resolve and inner strength to endure the things they have and come out of it with the hope that things can still change.

It reminded me of something Sirius Black says in Prisoner of Azkaban to Harry about how he didn't go insane in Azkaban where the dementors suck out every happy thought you have. He said this:

"I think the only reason I never lost my mind is that I knew I was innocent. That wasn't a happy thought, so the dementors couldn't suck it out of me...but it kept me sane and knowing who I am...helped me keep my powers...'

A radical or revolutionary thinks similarly. Interestingly enough Gary Oldman who played Sirius has UBP Sun, Revati Moon & Ardra Rising (Revati & Ardra are both Shudra caste naks)

Shudra which is the lowest caste and Outcaste naks are allies and although there are differences in the broader themes among these naks, there is a sense of comrade-ship as well.

Idk if I should share this anecdote at all but I had a friend when I was younger who was Ashlesha Moon she was othered at home and at school/college and felt very socially isolated. She often spoke about how she does not feel like she's a part of society at all and as a result of it she felt very disconnected from social happenings. It was always strange to me when she spoke about some current event that directly affected us as something super abstract or theoretical but in hindsight I feel like its because everything was impersonal for her and she never saw herself as a participant in society :(

That's it for now, I'll add more examples when I find them