#also she is one of few character that i feel more reliable

[heretodefyfate]

decided to sketch some of my fav reborn characters (also give Taka slightly different clothes)

[penguwastaken]

About Brainwashing in Danganronpa

Hello to all 3 of the people who see this account. A few months ago, I made a thread on hit website Twitter dot com about brainwashing in the Danganronpa Series. I discussed where it came from, how it works, and how the brainwashing of class 77-B was never a retcon. The thread got a lot of attention there, even getting a "debunk" on other hit website Reddit dot com (lmao). Due to that, there's been a lot of responses and questions. Since I can't really update a Twitter thread, I decided that I'd make the Ultimate™ Brainwashing thread and hopefully dispel any information on the subject while making my original points more clear and covering things I failed to cover. So here it is: Brainwashing in Danganronpa, how it works, where it came from, and how it was intended from the start. (a 🧵 except not really) *Massive spoilers for Danganronpa Zero, Danganronpa 2, Danganronpa Another Episode, Danganronpa Togami, and Danganronpa 3, as well as the series as a whole*

Danganronpa Zero: First Sighting

Brainwashing has its roots all the way back in the second official entry produced in the series, Danganronpa Zero. During the story's events, Ryoko comes across a secret cult made up of students from the reserve course. They're seen staring at a strange video, seemingly turning them and turn them into mindless zombies.

The video depicts members of the student council killing each other. Ryoko is stunned while watching it. She can barely look away, but eventually through force of will she does. This same video is later used to convince the reserve course to rebel.

The way it's described to work is that it uses their “pent-up emotions,” implying that their emotions played a role in its effectiveness. It's also worth noting that the novel itself refers to what is happening as brainwashing, making this objectively the first depiction of brainwashing in the series right from the second entry.

Danganronpa 2: Now it Gets Dubious

Our next instance of brainwashing comes from Danganronpa 2. The concept is brought up multiple times, such as when Makoto states that the Ultimate Despairs were brainwashed or how the Neo World Program is good at treating brainwashing, though the details of what brainwashing actually means in this context are kept vague.

It's also worth noting that Danganronpa 2 was being written around the same time as Danganronpa Zero and Kodaka wanted concepts from the novel to appear in Danganronpa 2, likely so readers would feel validated. This is why things like Izuru Kamukura and the reserve course play huge roles in Danganronpa 2, it's not too much of a stretch to say that the same applies with brainwashing. One detail we’re given about the brainwashing is from Monokuma, who states the Ultimate Despairs were brainwashed by Junko taking advantage of their feelings. Specifically love, hate, grudges, and "anything really". If that sounds familiar, it’s because that’s exactly how the brainwashing video from Danganronpa Zero was described to function, using their pent-up emotions.

I should mention that Monokuma and Junko are known for being unreliable narrators who often stretch the truth, exaggerate things, and use hyperbole to manipulate people into believing their narrative. Monokuma describes the Ultimate Despairs as “nothing more than Junko’s limbs”, which contradicts the existence of characters like Nagito. Who, while in his despair state, did not work with Junko nor did he look up to her (at least in the normal sense like the other Ultimate Despairs). In fact, it would have been impossible for them to really obey any of Junko's orders as Ultimate Despairs because Junko was trapped inside of Hope's Peak with minimal connection to the outside world. This isn't a definitive "Monokuma is lying" statement, but just note that his word isn't 100% reliable. Meanwhile, someone like Makoto who outright mentions brainwashing, is a much more reliable source.

Danganronpa Another Episode: More Brainwashing! (kinda irrelevant tho...)

The next time brainwashing is used is in the next entry, Danganronpa Another Episode. Though its purpose in this discussion isn’t the most useful, as the brainwashing is caused by Monokuma helmets, which don’t have their functionality explained. I figured it was worth mentioning and describing at least, as its another example of brainwashing at least.

I did figure it was worth adding how the brainwashed children act. They obey the Warriors of Hope’s every command, as if they have zero control over their actions. This is different from how the Ultimate Despairs act, who still some free had free will after presumably being brainwashed judging by the actions of Nagito, who is also in this game.

Danganronpa Togami: I Hate My Life

Okay. As mixed as my opinions are on this novel trilogy, it does feature brainwashing. In fact, it might feature one of the most detailed and important descriptions of brainwashing in the series, and even outright CONFIRMS that class 77-B were brainwashed (sorta).

"Hey um... Tumblr/Twitter user Pengu... what do you mean by 'sorta'?" Well my uninformed reader who I guarantee has probably never read this book, there's a twist. I regret to inform you that the canonicity of Danganronpa Togami is rather questionable, as it depicts an extremely unreliable narrator’s warped viewing of events due to this thing called the K2K system, which means not everything in the novel is meant to be taken literally or at face value.

This doesn't mean that everything should be discarded or immediately dismissed however. This just means that we have to use our brains a little and decipher what the hell Yuya Sato was cooking when he wrote this novel trilogy. In the novel, we discover the existence of the elusive despair novel. When read, the novel will turn the reader to despair and inflict them with the despair disease. This novel is what's used to plummet the world into despair, as well as being what caused the class 77-B to become the Ultimate Despairs. There's no known ways to avoid it, once you read it, it's joever. 😔

As I said earlier, the events of Danganronpa Togami can’t be taken literally. Due to this and prior context, we can safely assume that the despair novel is most likely the K2K's warped idea of the despair video from Danganronpa Zero. Instead of being a book being read that brainwashed people, it was a video being watched. What makes me so sure? Well let's look over the similarities. The way the despair novel works is that it uses cruel words to overload the reader with negative emotions, causing them to snap and turn to despair. That sounds almost exactly like the despair video, overloading the viewer by manipulating their emotions until they turn to despair.

However, a major difference comes from the fact that Danganronpa Togami confirms towards the end that the despair novel doesn't literally brainwash people, acting as a placebo and an excuse for people with despair to use.

However I don't believe this suddenly breaks the connection to the despair video in Danganronpa Zero. All it shows is that the novel doesn't create despair, which is something we already established with the brainwashing video. It doesn't make despair, it makes it stronger. Whether it be via the disturbing imagery on the screen or the words on a page giving you an excuse, all it does is amplify despair. Basically it doesn't make despair come out of nowhere, it incites it. This connection's a little bit of a stretch but I'll bring it up anyways. The technology used in the despair novels was originally to bring hope. (Take notes, it will probably be important assuming you buy this connection.)

Essentially, the despair novel works in a similar same way as the despair video, but instead it’s a book and you read it instead of watching it. This means that class 77-B and the rest of the world were most likely brainwashed via the despair video, and that is what caused the class to become Ultimate Despairs.

Danganronpa 3: The One People Really Don't Like

And all of this brings us to the most detailed yet controversial usage of brainwashing: Danganronpa 3. Many assume that the anime’s usage of brainwashing is a retcon, contradicting the words of our holy savior Super Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair High School. However, I’d like to debate that. In fact, I'd like to finally put a nail in the coffin of this really stupid debate and finally show you that Danganronpa 3's depiction of brainwashing is exactly how it has always been described.

In Danganronpa 3, we are introduced to Ryota Mitarai and his anime. Using the power of subliminal messaging, it heightens the viewer's emotions and makes them more powerful. What was once a slightly emotional scene is now a complete tearjerker fully capable of tearing at the viewers heart strings! While he acknowledges that there are unethical things that can be done with this technology and it's technically brainwashing, his goal is to use this technology to make the world a better place, even if it can be dangerous. If that sounds familiar, that's because it's what Hope's Peak tried doing with the despair novel in Danganronpa Togami. Though I'll admit, this single point is a little bit of a stretch as there are differences. I just figured it was worth at least a mention.

Using her analytical prowess, Junko gets a rough understanding of how the technology works, so she develops the despair video, featuring the student council killing each other overlayed with subliminal messaging technology to make the despair felt while viewing the video stronger.

The video works on Mikan, however Junko fears that the video may not be powerful enough to fully go through with her plans due to not understanding the technology nearly as well as Ryota does. Because of this, she forces Ryota to create a better, more powerful despair video. A despair video v2 if you will. Junko’s fears weren’t unfounded, as we discover that Chisa had the mental fortitude to resist the despair video, similarly to how Ryoko was able to resist the same video in Danganronpa Zero. This is exactly why Junko needs a more powerful video, one that she knows can’t be resisted.

"Ermmmm, Tumblr/Twitter user Pengu, how come Ryoko and Chisa are able to resist the despair video but Mikan and nobody in the reserve course could?" Good question, the answer is pretty simple. As mentioned before, the video takes advantage of the emotions of the viewer. Mikan is already pretty weak minded, so there wasn't much issue in controlling her. The reserve course already hated Hope's Peak and would take any reason to hate them more, so a video that shows them the sins of Hope's Peak would affect them as well. Ryoko and Chisa have no connection to the reserve course however, and neither are particularly very weak emotionally. Ryoko has the analytical prowess of Junko and Chisa is just a very strong willed person in general, and paired with Junko's lack of knowledge about subliminal messaging when creating the video, it's pretty obvious it wouldn't be that effective on them. All the more reason for Junko to force Ryota to make a better despair video.

The despair video v2 that Ryota is forced to make comes in the form of Chiaki’s execution video, where the stronger subliminal messages paired with witnessing the representation of the happiest moments in their miserable lives and their closest friend suffer makes class 77-B unable to resist. Ultimately this causes them to finally snap, being overloaded with despair, and now they turn into the Ultimate Despairs. (side note this is so freaking cool idc what anyone else says)

This resembles Monokuma’s explanation from Danganronpa 2. Junko used class 77-B’s emotions and years of getting closer against them to turn them to them to despair. Now featuring the added context of her using the video designed to manipulate people’s emotions. Also as @jelimore pointed out, Junko leading the class to Chiaki's execution itself was manipulating them. This depiction of brainwashing fits perfectly with the information provided throughout the series, even down to the little details. It’s so close in fact that I can say without a doubt that Danganronpa 3 did not retcon anything. “But Tumblr/Twitter user Pengu, that isn’t how the video is shown to work during Hope Arc. Therefore it actually contradicts previous entries and is inconsistent!" To that I say, you’re correct! ...at least about the hope video functioning differently, but that doesn’t make it inconsistent. The hope video behaves pretty differently. Instead of overloading the viewer with negative feelings, it simply just shows them a repeating video loop that turns them into a mindless zombie, likely caused by even stronger subliminal messaging. The people affected can also snap out of this state with some time, as seen with Aoi.

The reasoning for this is actually pretty simple, it’s just different technology entirely. It’s stated that the hope video was developed later on after the despair video. If anything, it behaves very similar to the Monokuma masks from Danganronpa Another Episode, which we also already established uses different technology. The hope video doesn’t contradict the despair video at all because they both use completely different tech. This can also be seen with how the despair video uses subliminal messaging, meanwhile the messaging in the hope video couldn’t be further from subliminal. There is no inconsistency, just two different things.

The reason the hope video needed to be broadcasted everywhere was so that since it would be airing everywhere, nobody would have time for the effects to wear off or resist it. This would turn the world into mindless zombies who obey every command, similarly to the Monokuma kids. It's just that now they don't have to force bulky helmets onto everyone.

Debunking Common Arguments

With the hope video out of the way, I think it’s very safe to assume that not only is the despair video’s functionality very accurate to previous descriptions, it’s also always been the reason for the brainwashing of Class 77-B, long before Danganronpa 3. Even if you disagree and think the cause of brainwashing was never explicitly mentioned in Danganronpa 2, there's still the fact that Danganronpa 2 outright says it was brainwashing. So even if a video wasn't the direct cause of it, them being brainwashed was still always intended (though given the context and the fact the video was introduced in a tie in novel for the game, I'm certain that it was always the culprit). Many point to this line where Kazuichi asks why they became the Ultimate Despairs and Makoto says he never got an answer to debunk this. But... this doesn't change anything. He asks why they became Ultimate Despairs, not how. And this is completely ignoring the fact that Makoto clearly has done his own digging into the situation, he discovered the Remnants of Despair were hiding among Future Foundation after all. The Future Foundation had access to brainwashing videos, they found them, so of course Makoto is going to know about the brainwashing. What Makoto is saying here is that he doesn't know every little detail, all he knows is that they were brainwashed. I wrote a bit more about it here, but there's nothing contradictory in this scene.

Many also point to Mikan stating that it was her many human relationships that led her to being the way she is. Once again, this changes literally nothing. Mikan was the only one of the remnants who actually knew Junko, she was the only one who spent time with her because she was the first subject. This is why she gets more attached to her, and even why she'd believe what Junko would tell her when they spent time together. Monokuma also says that Junko used "hopeless methods overflowing with charisma and humor" to control the masses. I don't even know why I have to address this, but this statement is so vague you can interpret it as a million things. Like for example, this is how she got Ryota to work for her. While pretending to be Makoto to manipulate the people in the trial, Junko tells them that they all became Ultimate Despairs while coming into contact with her at Hope's Peak and they were subjected by her terrifying influence. Again, ignoring how vague "terrifying influence" is, this is literally Junko trying to LIE AND MANIPULATE them. This is quite possibly the worst example you could have used because we know for a fact that she is lying to them while pretending to be Makoto. There's other examples of Junko trying to manipulate them, like mentioning how everyone hated them and their all Ultimate Despairs at the end of the day. But that's just what this is, manipulation. You would think that the "Junko manipulated class 77-B" crowd would understand that saying "everyone hates you but I saw your potential" is literally manipulation 101. She even states that Izuru killed the entirety of a student council, which we know for certain is a lie because Danganronpa Zero (which came out before) says otherwise. Some say that the brainwashing turned them into mindless zombies and eliminates all blame from their actions. While I would agree that it does make them less at fault, they still have the ability to make choices and still have free will. Their original personalities haven't been overwritten, their brains were just rewired to crave despair. They're still each their individual person with their own ways of feeling despair, and characters like Chisa and Nagito show that they regain their free will to an extent. I also wrote more about that here, LOL.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

This whole debate stems from people misunderstanding Monokuma’s words and going along with the popular interpretation, which turned out to be wrong. Whether you like the use of brainwashing or not, it objectively isn’t a retcon as it's been developed ever since Danganronpa Zero. Personally, I love the use of brainwashing. I think the way it's developed throughout the series and its usage in Danganronpa 3 is super interesting. If you disagree, that's fine! Heck, if you choose to headcanon that Junko manipulated 15 individual teenagers into all becoming despair hungry terrorists capable but ending the world and fighting off every military in the world in less than a year, that's cool too! But the truth is, Danganronpa 3's brainwashing is canon and it's also not a retcon nor does it contradict anything. Contrary to popular belief, Kodaka was involved with the writing of the anime. He provided a large draft and outline of the plot and oversaw its development. He produced the anime, he did his homework, the team even played the games to prepare for writing the anime. He knew what he was doing. I'm sure if Kodaka intended for them to all be manipulated one by one, that's what he would have went with. All information implying that it was manipulation is very few and far between and questionable at best, not to mention outweighed by everything implying it was brainwashing. Mind manipulation stuff is not new in this series, its been around since the first game and brainwashing was established in literally the second entry ever produced. Whether you love it or hate it, think it's the best thing since sliced bread or the death of the series, brainwashing was the answer the whole time. Some people just never noticed it, and instead of acknowledging that they were wrong, they stuck with a headcanon that they believed so much and jumped to the conclusion of "retcon". I hope this mega post managed to inform some people, maybe change some minds too. If you still don't buy it, then I guess there's nothing I can do. Thanks for reading all of this though, I tend to yap a lot about this franchise lmao.

[athycore]

Hello!!! :3 I wish to make a request! I really love your writing style and the way you carry out your fics, theyre so awesome X3!!!☆

Could I make a req of Mob (/Shigeo Kageyama) with a gn!gyaru!reader :3c? Extra points if they do really good in school!

I see that you havent posted in a while on this blog, so you dont have to respond to my req! Please take care of yourself first out of anything else ^^<3

Thank youuuuuu!!!!! X3

-[Anonymous].

OMG HAIIII!!! Thank you so much, about me not posting in a while, i completely forget im a writer so i never end up checking requests, but now i did!!

Anyways heres ur food :3

Mob w a Gyaru!reader…(gn reader)

To say mob was obsessed is an understatement. He simply fawns over your fashion and loves the idea of going against the beauty standard. Although because of his fashionable s/o, he has a hard time blending in. At times he doesnt want the attention but his albsolute cutie of his lover being the center of attention, mob wouldnt mind just this once.

You both go to clothing shops together! Mob believes and trusts your fashion taste to be able to pick a few for him. He wants to hang out and uses the idea of shopping together to get you talking. He enjoys it. Afterall he somewhat helps with some of the clothes for you to pick out, while you help him look his best. He adores your keen eye on managing to find the good clothes that are usually hidden..(gatekeepers😒😒)

When you go on dates he swears he can pay, but his pay isnt enough..afterall regien isnt too reliable. Instead you pay, hope you dont mind. After you both end up going to the park or going to each others houses to hang out later. Mob gaslights(begs) reigen to let him off early for these dates too. He wants to show his respect by simply making time for you like any wonderful lover.

Mob and his family aprove of you so much! You are just the sweetest and the cutest girls to ever approach mob. Ritsu thinks its rad that his older brother managed to get a parnther in general, but thinks even more highly of you when he knows and sees your genuine care for his brother. Plus when you go to mobs house to hangout, ritsu joins whenever he feels lonely. You and mob welcome him with open arms, especially when watching a horror movie.

Mob uses his psychic powers to try to find out what you like in order for him to get the RIGHT gift. Hes just whipped and his friends and brother tease him for it. Simple middle schoolers am i right? He doesnt mind it though.

He introduces you to reigen and reigen approves. Reigen sees you as fit, and an adorable girl who would help mob by the long mile. Mob also introduced you to teru and sho, as well as the other psychics. They all like you and think you are so cool with your makeup and fashion. Heck, teru asked for some advice too.

Mob gets you both matching keychains..guaranteed. Like those cute sanrio ones or the cute little characters. He finds them absolutely adorable. The idea that his s/o has the other half, he ends up staring at his keychain on end till his club snaps him outta it.

In school you might as well be a prodigy! He finds the fact that you do so well extremely admirable. He wants to be tutored by you and you only. Only you can be patient with him. He thinks of you as top of his class, grade, school even!( next to ritsu ) He just gets so happy seeing you not having to worry about grades and what not.

There are times when you are doing makeup, he just watches. No conversation, nothing. Soly because he thinks its skillful, he feels as tho its art and that she shouldn’t interfere. But there are times he asks questions about the products your using. Hes just curious about all that stuff.

Hes your #1 supporter! He believes that you should and will do what YOU want. That no one should tell you anything about how to look, act, or present yourself!

Hope you liked it!!! Thanks so much for the request!!!

[bachiras-toaster]

seven minutes in heaven : ̗̀➛

YUTA OKKOTSU x afab!reader

cw: yuta is a boob guy, reader has tear-shaped boobs, shamefully pervy!yuta, all characters aged up, drunk!reader, alcohol, virgin!yuta

wc: 4k

The truth was, Yuta liked you. He liked your humour, your personality, your smile, and practically everything about you. Although, one of the aspects of your being he felt that he was so shamefully attracted to was your body- Every part of it, actually. Especially your boobs.

He had seen them up close and personal a few times when he had conversations with you, but for the most part, he had kept his distance. Though, despite having to admire them from far away, he could never take his eyes off your chest no matter what you were wearing. V-necks and low cut tops were a heavenly sight to him and he had always thanked his lucky stars whenever he saw you rock up to outings with the group in them, however he was also attracted enough to you to appreciate when you didn't have any cleavage on display. Even when you wore things like turtlenecks or t-shirts, he still loved how he could see the outline and shape of your breasts and he loved leaving it up to the imagination.

He had only really confided in two people about his little crush on you: and that was Inumaki and Panda. Being the other two guys he was the closest with in the friendship group, he felt like he could really trust them. They had never gone against his trust, however it had often become a topic of teasing, especially when they were faced with an opportunity to push Yuta outside of his comfort zone. Whenever they saw that you were slightly revealing tops, they would shoot glances at Yuta to see if he was staring- Which he always was, every single time. Though it seemed like now their confidence in wingmaning had become a lot more daring thanks to a house party that one of their friends had hosted.

Needless to say, drinking was involved, and you were starting to feel the effects of partying. Others had also gotten quite drunk, such as people like Nobara and Yuji, but neither were quite as bold as you were when you were drunk. You were someone who already loved taking risks when you were sober, so being drunk practically meant that you were up for any challenge that came your way.

Yuta meekly watched from the corner as Panda and Inumaki conversed with Nobara on the other side of the room in hushed voices. He hadn't been suspicious at first, but when he saw them shooting gazes back at him and pointing, he felt his heart drop. They were his friends. Surely they weren't saying anything bad, right? Part of him wanted to get up there and join in on their conversation just to see what all the fuss was about, but as he put his cup to the side to get up from his seat, Nobara erupted into a loud cackle and cupped her hands together to yell at the people situated in the lounge.

"Alright! Who's ready for some seven minutes in heaven?!" She screamed excitedly, causing a loud uproar of eager cheers to fill the living room. Yuta gasped when he heard the announcement, turning towards Inumaki and Panda, who had already made their ways back to his side, chuckling.

"What did you do-?! Did you tell her to host a game of seven minutes in heaven?!" Yuta asked frantically in a flustered tone, already feeling his cheeks blush a shade of bright red.

"Salmon." Inumaki held the thumbs up with a proud smile.

"Relax, Nobara's totally in on the plan." Panda wrapped his arm around Yuta's shoulder, copying the hand gesture that Inumaki had held up. The black-haired man simply shoved Panda's large arm off of his shoulders and stared at him, absolutely horrified.

"Plan?! What plan?!" His voice pitched a high and terrified tone. "What did you tell her?! I was just asking about the game!"

"Stop worrying. She's not gonna tell anyone. She's totally reliable." Panda assured him, holding his paw on Yuta's shoulder in a quick attempt to calm him down. "She asked us how we thought we could make the party more interesting and we just... Briefly mentioned how a good game could bring you and (Y/n) closer together!"

"Tuna!"

"If you could believe it, she actually wanted (Y/n) to get closer with someone! She didn't explicitly mention you, but she said how she always noticed how boring (Y/n)'s like must be without a partner."

"You had no right to tell her that—!" Yuta made a short-lived attempt to give the two a piece of his mind, but he was interrupted with another deafening cheer as he saw (Y/n) stumble to Nobara's side.

He watched intently as you had practically dashed to the front of the room where Nobara stood, holding your hands up to point towards yourself with a large grin on your face. You weren't exactly drunk enough to the point where you couldn't even stand, however you were having a little trouble running in a straight line.

"Me, pick me!" You begged her, clasping your hands together as you fell to your knees in front of her. "I want to play a round!"

"Of course! Thank you for volunteering!" Nobara giggled as she helped you back onto your feet by grabbing your forearm. "Oh, but who am I going to pair you with...?" She frowned, her eyes already being set directly onto Yuta.

His skin ran cold as he made eye-contact with the light brunette girl and he immediately looked away, his eyes trying to find every corner of the room before he let them find Nobara's eyes again. Yet no matter how hard he attempted to look away, his friends knew better than to let Yuta pass this golden opportunity up- especially after they had worked so hard to even let it happen in the first place.

Without a second thought, both Panda and Inumaki instinctively shoved Yuta forward into the crowd of people, causing him to tumble forward. The people that he felt into got the quick impression that he was offering himself up and grabbed at his wrist to force his hand into the air. Panda and Inumaki exchanged proud glances as Yuta's hand was forced up high by a blue-haired girl, who was excited to see that someone was apparently willing to go forward with the game.

"And who's that handsome man I see at the back?" Nobara's grin widened as she pretended to scan the area, leaning forward with her palms stretched above her eyes to give her a clearer view of the crowd. "Yuta Okkotsu! You seem like the perfect match for this game!"

The people surrounding him already began shoving him forward closer to the front of the room where Nobara and you were stood. His heart raced the closer he got and he made multiple attempts to push out of their grasp, to no avail.

"Oh no, I wasn't volunteering or anything! I was just accidentally shoved into people who thought I was!—" He stammered, his face flushing as he finally reached the front of the room, where Nobara had already latched her palm around his wrist, dragging you both to the nearest walk-in cabinet.

"Oh, so you're saying you wouldn't want to be trapped in a room with dear old (Y/n) here?" She paused to give Yuta a playful glare, gently tapping on your cheeks before squeezing them lovingly. "Grow up, it's only seven minutes!"

When a big enough cabinet was found, the two of you were both shoved inside without a second thought. You and Yuta had been engulfed between hung-up coats and a collection of shoes at your feet, the jackets and cardigans that were strung up in the cabinet practically served as a curtain to hide Yuta's profusely blushing face. Nobara smiled widely and waved at the two of you, and he could just about see Panda and Inumaki's smug expressions hiding behind the girl’s friendly face.

"We'll let you know when it's been six minutes so you have a minute to... Get ready." Nobara smirked, shutting the door and facing Panda and Yuta as she did so, high-fiving them over their great achievement.

The black-haired man made an opportunity to try and object, but the door had already been slammed in his face, and the knob clicked shut. His palm latched onto the handle to shake it desperately, whining as he tried to force it back open, but it was no use.

You had already sat down on top of one of the storage shelfs on the ground and giggled slightly when you saw how terrified Yuta seemed to be. By no means did he think that being alone with you was the worst thing in the world, but he had just never been this close to you alone in such a confined space. Truth be told, the thought of it terrified him, especially since he felt that he was too attracted to you to keep his composure for this long, especially when you were a lot... Different when you were drunk.

You were a pretty normal person when you were sober, which is why it probably would've been fine for him to be alone with you if you hadn't touched a single drop of alcohol since attending the party. Unfortunately, when you were drunk, it was like your boldness levels shot from two to a hundred. You were a lot more confident, touchy, and you let words spill from your lips at the same speed that the thoughts appeared in your mind.

"Why? Is it so bad to be alone with me?" You pretended to pout before a playful grin stretching across your glossy lips.

Yuta turned around, his heart practically squeezing in his chest. When you reached forward and tugged on the end of his sleeve to pull him forward, he swallowed a great gulp of nervousness as he stumbled into a seat in front of you, where he sat upon a small drawer that seemed to hold a shelf of sandals and slippers.

"N-No! I didn’t mean it like that! You’re a lovely woman— It’s just... I didn’t expect to have to play this sort of game…" He immediately went to scratch the back of his palms, looking down at his knees so he wouldn't have to look you straight in the eye.

"Relax, Okkotsu. Games like this always happen at parties." You take hold of his chin and guided his gaze back up into yours. Despite the darkness, you were still able to catch a glimpse of that small twinkle in his eyes, that very look that screamed innocence and adorableness.

"Th-They do..?" He stuttered.

"Of course! And we're both adults, aren't we? We've both done it before."

You shrugged and leaned back against the wall behind you with a bright smile; your expression was met with a nervous look of his own as he gnawed the inside of his cheek worriedly.

"I... Haven't." He let out softly, almost as if he were afraid to admit that.

"—Really?!"

"...I haven't even seen a pair of boobs in person before." He grumbled, possibly even more quietly than his last sentence.

You couldn't help but let a loud and belted cackle run from your lips, your entire face flushing with humour as you heard his comment. Your chest began to ache a little with how heavily you were laughing and tears in the corners of your eye began to make itself apparent the longer you continued to bellow in his face.

"Aw, that is so adorable! Who knew you could be so innocent!" You commented, your cheeks beginning to hurt with how widely you were grinning.

"Huh—?!"

"I knew you were like that, but I figured at least some girl would let you cop a feel at least some point in your life." Your hands rested on your knees and you squeezed the fabric of your pants to try and suppress your shaky giggles. "Why have you never mentioned that before?" You wipe the tears from your eyes with your index finger and let your hands drop to the hems of your shirt, your fingers tugging on the bottom of your top.

"Because...! —It's not relevant!" He nervously bit back, trying to defend himself.

"You're too much of a gentleman, Yuta." Your smile softened as you lifted up your shirt to remove it, your hair flowing against the neck-hole in your top for a more exciting reveal. "Surely you've thought about wanting to grab some girl's tits at least once." Your top dropped to your side as you leaned back a bit to reveal yourself shirtless, wearing nothing on your top-half aside from what seemed to be a regular bra.

He hesitated at your comment for a moment, biting the inside of his lip as his cheeks felt warm again. He faced forward, but his eyes looked to the wall behind you instead of at your breasts, feeling like it was wrong to be staring at you so vulnerably.

"Wanna see mine?" Your voice dipped to a more deeper and whispery tone, almost like you were talking to him as if you were a sultry lady trying to invite him into your bed.

"—What—?!" He was immediately caught off guard and looked you right in the eye, his lid widened to reveal that coat of shock that lingered in his state.

"They're probably not as round as you would imagine them— Assuming you've thought about the shape of my boobs before..." You tease, gently prodding your own chest in your bra as you chuckled.

"—I'm sure they're... Fine..." He gulped.

This is more of what terrified him when you were drunk. You were so... Open. It turned him into a nervous mess and he was never sure how to react to anything you were saying. It seemed like tonight, your confidence had been taken to the next level and you were even more daring than before. You weren't exactly a saint, but he knew for sure that this would never be something that you would offer to him if you had been sober. If you hadn't drank that night, the conversation probably would've just ended after you laughed at him and you would've forgotten than he had even told you that the next day.

"Hah! You're so cute! How do girls not rip their shirts off at the sight of you?" You pulled your lips into a smirk as you shifted your hand behind your back to fiddle with the clasp of your bra.

As the clasp fell apart, your boobs sank a little after being taken out of what was revealed to be a push-up bra. Despite them drooping a little, Yuta was mesmerised all the same, his eyes glistening as they landed on how perfectly tense your nipples looked in the dim lighting.

"Sorry. They're probably not as full as expected. Then again, beggars can't be choosers." You shrugged, allowing your bra to drop right next to your cast-away shirt.

"No, they're... They're exactly how I imagined them." His mouth practically watered at the sight of them and he seemed to be involuntarily inching closer to them. You broke out into a cheeky smirk after his response.

"Why don't you feel them?" You said, gripping onto a handful of your own tit in order to make the offer sound more enticing to him.

"...Really?"

"Go ahead. Feel how nice they are." You leaned forward a little bit, completely consenting to his curiosity. 

He reached forward and hesitantly spread his palm over your left breast, squeezing it softly to gauge the feeling of it in his palm. He pawed nervously at the fat of your chest for about twenty seconds, but you quickly grew irritated with how slow he was taking it and rolled your eyes, clicking your tongue at your own impatience.

"Ugh, stop being so gentle!" You snapped, pushing yourself further into him so you were basically settled between his legs now. His heart thumped faster when more of your boob was pushed into his hand and he did just as you commanded him to.

He took his other unoccupied hand and reached for your other breast, grasping them as desperately as he wished he could've done so before. He fondled with them as if they were stress balls, feeling himself get lost in the sensation of your skin. They felt so tender, not exactly how he imagined they would be. For some reason, he always thought that boobs would be a lot more... Stiff, because of how they looked in bras, that was. But yours were so silky, so smooth. He pawed at them like a kitten would paw at carpet, his thumbs flicking over your sensitive nipples too.

"(Y/n), can I... Taste... Too?" His lips were already so close to your chest that he was just a few centimetres away from licking them himself.

"Greedy, aren't we?" You giggled, lifting your chest up towards him. "Go ahead."

He attacked his lips onto your nipple and treated it as if it were another pair of lips that he was kissing, his mouth running over your skin like a lollipop and licking every inch of it. You moaned softly and lifted your palm up to run your fingers through his hair as he pinched large areas in the fat of your boob so he could take more of your nipple into his mouth.

He felt like he was in heaven, and the soft whines that escaped from his mouth as he left sloppy kisses across your chest was proof of that. His pants began to tighten and he felt a tent form in his crotch, but he promptly ignored it because of his good he felt at the moment. You hadn't noticed how turned on he was getting just from sucking yourself tits because your eyes were fluttered closed at the sensation- All you were thinking was how warm the inside of his mouth felt.

"You have one minute left in there!" Nobara announced loudly on the other side of the wall, banging repeatedly on the door to let the two of you know that it was almost time to wrap it up.

"Ah! Would you look at the time!" You pushed Yuta's head away from your chest, causing him to whimper slightly as his lips lost connecting with your wet nipple. "Aren't you lucky? Spending six minutes in here touching boobs for the first time!"

He frantically went to cover his crotch with his palms as he regained his composure when you pulled away from him. He nervously continued to stare at you as you shoved yourself back into your bra and threw your shirt back over your chest, cleaning yourself up as if it had never happened. You still felt traces of his warm saliva linger on your skin even after you covered yourself back up, but it wasn't a feeling that wss visible to the outside eye.

When the time clocked, you swung the door open yourself a walked outside with a jolly stride, your smile beaming even brighter than ever. Passing by you as you left was Panda, Nobara, and Inumaki, who shoved themself inside of the cabinet before Yuta even had a chance to get up.

Yuta was pushed back down into his seat by Panda, who eagerly pushed himself onto where you had been previously sat so he, Inumaki, and Nobara could all face him with bright grins. Inumaki, being the last to enter, stood and shut the door so he could guard the entrance.

"Why are you guys coming inside—?!" Yuta was swiftly cut off by Panda, who was frantically shoving the coats out of his face so he could properly look at Yuta.

"We're not playing another round yet, we're just checking in on you! We wanna know how it goes!"

"Guys, please go away—" Yuta bit his tongue, feeling the humiliation creep further onto his face as he realised he had to shield the tent forming in his pants in front of his friends.

"Is that a boner?! No way, did you actually do it with (Y/n)?" Nobara’s jaw hung open.

"—No, we didn't!"

"Did she see it?" Panda intersected, his curiosity clearly taking over.

"No! ...I don't think so..."

"Knowing her, she probably didn't. It looks like it's super dark in here." Nobara squinted as she looked around, only seeing faint and dark silhouettes of the basic shapes inside the room.

"Salmon." Inumaki noted.

"Guys! Again, what is it you want?" He yelled, his face red with embarrassment- Though it wasn’t a colour that the trio could see very well in the darkness.

"Details! What happened? Tell us everything!" Nobara squealed, flapping her hands and tapping her feet excitedly as she implored him to continue.

"Mustard leaf!"

"And please, don't spare any details! We wanna know exactly what went down. Did she see your dick?"

"You guys are sounding really creepy..." Yuta’s teeth gritted at the sound of the numerous questions flowing into his brain. It just made it more difficult to conceal both his blush and his erection; he just hunched over and covered his lap with his arms and buried his face into his own shoulders.

"We just want to know! Stop stalling and give us the scoop!"

"Well..." He muttered, still looking down at his own lap. "…She let me see her boobs."

"She did?!" The three all exclaimed in unison.

"She even let me touch them... I was really hesitant at first, but she told me to stop being so gentle and basically forced me to grab more of her." His voice went shaky as he continued. "And she... Let me lick them as well."

"And you got a boner over that? I mean, I don't blame you! (Y/n) has beautiful tits." Nobara sighed in awe.

"Salmon."

"You're so lucky! Do you think if I was in here with Maki, she'd let me do the same to her?" The girl whined at the thought; her comment was promptly ignored by the others surrounding her.

"Well, congratulations, Yuta! You've practically taken the biggest step in your relationship with (Y/n)! This is huge for you!" Panda pushed Yuta’s head up to force him to look at his the friends- The black-haired man was immediately met with that same grin Panda always had after a stupid idea.

"Yeah, man! Come on! Stop being all fidgety!” Nobara slapped him playfully in the arm. “How did they feel?"

Yuta just whined a little as he readjusted himself to fully reveal his face to them once more. They saw how pink his cheeks were and how his lips quivered with both a mix of excitement and embarrassment. His palms were gripped tightly on his sleeves as he crossed his arms over his chest to truly convey his tense state.

There was a long moment of silence, accompanied by the sounds of Yuta’s soft breathing as he remembered vividly how the moment went down. Inumaki, Nobara, and Panda just looked at him wide-eyed, awaiting his answer to be served to them on a silver platter. After what felt like the most agonising ten seconds of piece and quiet, Yuta inhaled sharply as he ran his hands over his face before propping his chin up onto the palms of his hands, his lips thinning out into a nervous, straight line.

"...They were… Really soft..." He let out quietly, like it was some sort of crime to comment on the pleasure he felt during that very moment. "...I wanna hold them again..."

[bonefall]

BB!Nightcloud

Nightcloud Woobification Army ASSEMBLE.

There's actually very little canon information on Nightcloud outside of how her ex-mate deflects blame onto her, which she is notoriously demonized for. So for Better Bones, I've cooked up a backstory from scratch! I feel this character deserves to exist outside of her romantic relationship, y'know?

Make sure to check the BB!WindClan Family Tree if you recognize any of the repurposed Missing Kits!

Clanmew Name: Oogarhai (The period of time where the sun has set + fat cloud) Official nickname: Nico (NIghtClOud), Oogi (OOGarhaI)

Alignment: WindClan

Relationships: Ex-mate - Crowfeather Child - Breezepelt Family (all deceased) - Hillrunner (Mi), Downwind (aunt, bio-mother), Tawnyfur (sister), Crowfur (grandparent) Mentor - Addersong

Nightcloud is a controversial warrior of WindClan, and also among its largest, strongest cats. She continuously finds herself tangled up in nearly every massive conflict since the day they arrived at the lake, with only some of these events being things she ever had a choice to be involved in.

Though she yearns for a more peaceful life, her violent, stressful childhood following the WindClan Massacre carved deep distrust of outsiders into her bones. It lead her to the lowest point in her life, fighting for Mudclaw during the WindClan Civil War. The following years of distrust, Crowfeather's mistreatment, and the abuse towards her son, Breezepelt, made much of Nightcloud's life lonely and stressful.

In spite of that, she absolutely adores her son and stands by his side no matter what. After the secret that Crowfeather sired kits with a ThunderClan Cleric is revealed and he is banished for a few moons for dramatic, codebreaking behavior at the reveal, a "spell" that he cast over WindClan begins to lift. In his absence, Nightcloud is able to truly begin fixing her reputation.

Though Breezepelt still has a way to fall as a new POV in BB!AVoS, where his treatment as a Dark Forest trainee drives him to join Darktail's cult, Nightcloud's life begins to turn around after her mateship with Crowfeather crumbles. After participating in a secret plan to rescue her boy and several Kin members under the command of her future leader and son-in-law, Harespring, she is solidified as one of the most powerful fighters in the entire Clan and occupies a lofty position as one of its most reliable brawlers.

She's also developing a friendship with Willowclaw about it, which is neat.

Glossary

Upbringing

WindClan Civil War

Mateship & Abuse

Breezepelt and BB!AVoS

Trivia and Misc

Upbringing

The Mothermouth Moorland War came to a cruel and bloody quietus at the claws of Brokenstar's ShadowClan, ending a three-generation long conflict with an event called the WindClan Massacre. Along with the rest of their Clan, a pair of twins was forced into exile; Downwind and Hillrunner.

They looked out for each other, and ferociously protected the tattered Clan while living in the Tangle of Thunderpaths. It was hard, but they had each other and that was enough.

After Bluestar's champion, Fireheart, fetched WindClan to bring them home, Downwind soon gave birth to her first litter. A pair of sisters; one of them practically a little copy of her mother... and the other one who looked hilariously nothing like anyone in their family. The twin girls were named Nightkit, and Tawnykit.

They'd barely settled in before Nightstar and Crookedstar turned on them, attacking to try and drive them out AGAIN. If it wasn't for Bluestar and her reinforcements, ThunderClan's charity, they might have succeeded.

But this time, Downwind refused to run. Hillrunner saw her twin, limp, red, and ragged outside the nursery. The kits were too young to remember her, or to understand the significance of their new Mi's anguished cries that night. They came so far together, only for Hillrunner to lose her other half in the place where things were supposed to get better.

NOTE: On adopting the kits, Hillrunner is then considered their "Mi," a primary parent in Clan culture. Her biological relation as the aunt is superseded.

Nightkit and Tawnykit only knew Hillrunner as their Mi. They only know that Downwind was identical to her-- except for a scar across Hiller's nose.

Hillrunner was notoriously short tempered, paranoid, and easily offended. She shouldn't have been raising kits alone, but what choice did she have?

She was CONVINCED that she'd failed Downwind that day, and that something could have been done to avoid the WindClan Massacre. So she was dedicated to making sure her own kits were better prepared.

They knew the whole territory by heart by their 6th moon, and even major abandoned tunnels below the moor

Most apprentices don't learn how to differentiate individual warriors out of scent marks until a moon or two into training. Night and Tawny knew it before they became 'paws.

Ever trying to ask a question, or tell Hillrunner that they didn't want to do something, was "backtalk;" argue too much and she would hit them with a punishment.

Punishments, "lessons," were usually strenuous physical tasks, like doing laps, moving large objects, or being made to carry a stone in the mouth for hours.

The sort of thing, in hindsight, was probably meant to be a sort of "cover"... the Clan thought the 'Lessons' were harsh but 'understandable'. No one would step in.

If Hillrunner was angry though, she would also just straightup smack them. She was less creative when she was in a mood.

As an adult, Nightcloud will tell you how messed up it used to be... but sometimes she preferred when Hillrunner was moody. If she got hit, the creative "lesson" wouldn't be applied to Tawnykit too.

Because Nightkit got in trouble more often than Tawnykit, there was a sort of sour resentment between them, mixed in with the unbreakable sense of solidarity.

Tawnykit: "You got US in trouble. But no one else in the world knows what we're going through. I love you. I'm going to take this out on you when we're alone. I can't believe you did this to me, I can't believe our Mi did this to us. Can't you try harder?? We did nothing wrong. Why am I paying for YOUR mistakes?"

Hillrunner says she, "Just wants you to be safe. ShadowClan won't hit you with their claws sheathed! This is what real life is like! If you'd just LISTEN to me you'd know this is for your own good!"

The little family was "close," in the way that mice tied together at the tail are close, even as they desperately pull at the knot and gnaw at each other's flesh.

Hillrunner convinced them the world was terrifying, that they couldn't entirely rely on their clanmates, and the most important thing in life is Gan, blood-family.

"The ONLY ones who will turn out for you, who you can rely on, who will be there until the end, is your family. The only way you'll lose us is if you're not strong enough, and I'll make you strong. I promised. You'll see!"

When she finally became Nightpaw, Hillrunner continued to try and have control over her... but the new mentor, Addersong, would not be bullied. And he would not let his apprentice get pushed around either.

He taught Nightpaw that now that she was an apprentice, she was free to make her own choices.

If she needed him around when she confronted Hillrunner, he would be there.

And if she needed to be the one to do that alone, he would support that too.

But on one condition; he would never tolerate someone speaking down to his apprentice in front of him. THAT is a matter of his pride. Capiche?

That was a term she could handle.

She had always known that she didn't want to be like Hillrunner, and that one day she'd be free of all the torment she was put through, but Addersong was the one who showed her the way out. Protected her when others didn't.

It gave her a sense of newfound confidence, and freedom. Like maybe the world WASN'T so terrible after all. And maybe... there's people out here who are kinder and more loving than she was ever allowed to believe.

And then, Hillrunner died in a TigerClan attack

And she began to wonder if it was HER fault when Tawnyfur fell to BloodClan

And suddenly Addersong's lessons felt far away. And maybe that was a good thing.

Hillrunner tried to teach her that family, KIN, was the most important thing in the world, and Nightcloud began to reject that. And now they are all dead.

She didn't appreciate them enough while they were alive. And now they are gone.

So... she pushed Addersong away. He figured she needed space to mourn.

WindClan Civil War

While Addersong was composing Tiger's In A Heap with his buddies and others were baking Tiger-shaped tunnelbuddies to welcome relations with BloodClan, Nightcloud was joining the group that was critical of the decision.

Especially when Snapper and Leo-- sorry. They call themselves Snappaw and Brushpaw. When those two joined the Clan. Ex-BloodClan traders. Not to mention Pigeonflight's... charge, also acquired from BloodClan

Nightcloud felt like she was the only one who remembered that they fought BloodClan. That Clan cats died in that battle.

Until she found others, echoing the same feelings she did, and more.

Mudclaw was the most legitimate member of the group, organizing this group of cats with "concerns."

Those "concerns" started having weight when things began to sour in the Moor. The poisoning, the Mothermouth's collapse and the death of Barkface and his apprentice, Blackfur... eventually a warrior, Runningbrook, was SHOT by a human as if she was a grouse.

Someone called the two apprentices "jinxes," pointing out the bad luck they'd brought to them, and it stuck.

But Tallstar did nothing. Didn't listen to the concerns, and insisted that Snapper and L-- Snappaw and Brushpaw, that they were part of the Clan now.

Eventually they were all forced out of their home, and sent on a journey following Crowfoot and the other Chosen cats to a new land. Tallstar just continued to look weaker and weaker.

All around Nightcloud (and the cats who would eventually become the Rebels), the Journey was uniting the Clans in a way that was never seen before. Apprentices were trying out ancient recipes that had been untouched for generations. Warriors from WindClan were helping to carry kits from ShadowClan.

It was terrifying. It felt WRONG. It filled her with a sense of deep dread and unease. No one was enforcing the boundaries that made the four groups into Clans.

When they arrived at the lake, what would HAPPEN there? Would there even BE a WindClan? Or would they just get lured into forming the new TigerClan?

Through all of this... Mudclaw seemed strong, and sure of what needed to happen next. He was certainly more of a leader than the feeble Tallstar, who had allowed the jinxes to follow along on the Great Journey.

So when Tallstar was allegedly on his deathbed, and mysteriously swapped his deputy to Onewhisker, Nightcloud was one of the very first to call foul play.

It felt like an awful betrayal, to know that Firestar, one of the FEW cats outside of WindClan that Hillrunner spoke fondly of, could be trying to pull the wool over their eyes.

But just LOOK at the other witness-- Brambleclaw. Son of Tigerstar. This was a PLOT, and Onewhisker should be ashamed of himself!

Mudclaw jumped at the opportunity Nightcloud presented.

But... the newly honored Crowfeather came forth too, to calm the tension.

"Brambleclaw is a LOT of things and untrustworthy isn't one of them," Yet, he put up a smokey-black paw when his friend's eyes lit up, "But a change in deputy? To Onewhisker, of all cats?"

Onewhisker: "no offense, right? ...right?"

"So if no one here is lying, then Tallstar's brain fell out on the way here and I'm not going on ANOTHER journey to look for it. Mudclaw is the rightful leader of WindClan."

His endorsement of Mudclaw sent the Clan reeling. His own mother, Ashfoot, came forth to argue against her son, and his aunt Morningflower pointed out that Mudclaw was his mentor.

OF COURSE the two jinxes also argued in favor of Onewhisker. Leo had even joined in the first place because he wanted to be with him.

The compromise that the Clans reached, at ThunderClan's treacherous suggestion, was that they would wait until StarClan could sort the matter out and confirm the rightful leader.

But of COURSE ThunderClan felt like they could wait for StarClan. THEY had two Clerics, Leafstripe and Cinderpelt.

In the meanwhile, the Clan started to split in two. Those who were backing the feeble Onewhisker, and those who were supporting the powerful, charismatic Mudclaw.

Nightcloud refused to allow her Clan to fall into the claws of ThunderClan's ambition. WindClan could not be allowed to be seen as WEAK. Weakness invites invasions. Invasion invites death.

Not everyone that joined Mudclaw's side of the rebellion believed that ThunderClan was lying. Crowfeather believed it was the truth. Mudclaw himself did as well, though he didn't discourage beliefs that benefited him.

Nightcloud absolutely did believe that ThunderClan lied. And that cats outside of the Clan can't be trusted.

...and then.

Mudclaw started working with non-WindClan cats, namely Hawkfrost. The rebels were joined by reinforcements, given quiet support and aid, handed the knowledge that they would have extra backup if things got violent.

At first, Nightcloud was one of the most vehemently opposed to them.

At first.

But... Hawkfrost has some good points about all of the Clans needing to be strong and independent.

And he's right, that; "ThunderClan's plotting won't stop with one Clan. Tigerstar came from ThunderClan, after all."

And, if things go wrong... they will need the extra claws. They couldn't fight against the remainers alone.

"Hold on, who says we'll be fighting anything?"

Wide, innocent blue eyes, "You can't believe that ThunderClan will just let the word of StarClan shine through, can you?"

He's... reasonable. He's right.

So, in the BLINK of an eye, she and Crowfeather were surrounded by Thistle Law supporters. OPEN ones.

And Mudclaw himself didn't seem to mind all that much.

For Nightcloud, it was too late to have doubts, especially when Hawkfrost's lie made such perfect sense. When the Moonpool was discovered by that THUNDERCLAN Cleric, Leafstripe, Honored by the new name Leafpool, that was the last push she needed to ride into battle with Mudclaw.

ThunderClan had to be stopped at ALL COSTS before they installed a fake, sniveling little mouse to do all of their bidding. If Onewhisker had to die to prevent it?

Then... so be it.

They created a plan. Onewhisker was organizing WindClan to carry out a Muirburn, a carefully controlled fire to return the territory to heathland.

They would sabotage it, and throw him into the same fire meant to cleanse their new home. It would be symbolic, practically religious in its righteousness.

But CROWFEATHER betrayed them. Bolted to his friends in ThunderClan, that daughter-of-Firestar and the Tigerkin liar.

During the battle, Nightcloud leapt on Leo and went for a ferocious bite to the back of the neck. She was ripped off by another warrior just in time, taking a chunk of his scruff with her.

It gave him a permanent, gnarly scar. A reminder to Nightcloud of how close she came to killing him, and how much she hated such a kindhearted tom.

The tide of battle turned as the ThunderClan reinforcements came behind Crowfeather. In that instant, it was as if StarClan had torn open the sky, and the heavens were bleeding rain upon the burning moor.

Nightcloud fled along with the other rebels, and bore witness to StarClan's smiting of the false idol.

With a clap of lightning, a tree from the Gathering Island toppled down, crushing Mudclaw beneath it.

She stopped running, staring in breathless awe. The rain washed away the mud and the ash that clung to her pelt, and for the first time in moons, she felt like her mind was clear.

It was like, for a brief moment, the song of fear and anger behind her eyes forgot the lyrics, leaving her with cold reality.

"What have I DONE?"

That sabotaged Muirburn was one of the most short-sighted, cruel, evil things she can imagine any cat taking part in... but at first, her regret was just in the amount of destruction it had caused, not in the ideology she'd fought to defend.

The heinous act had caused the peat below the moor to catch on fire, and WindClan was playing Whack-A-Mole with the various little blazes that kept popping up in the area; and THAT was what initially made her regret her role in the Civil War.

But... she had to work next to Snapstorm and Brushblaze, just like any other Clanmates. Pigeonflight's daughter had also come into her own, Cranberrysplash. And ThunderClan continued to send aid to help with the reckless disaster she'd been part of.

She still grappled with a strong, immediate distrust of strangers... but it was tempered by the sobering realization she had while watching Mudclaw die.

And the shame, knowing that she'd been taking out her grief of losing Tawnyfur and Hillrunner on all these innocent cats.

Onewhisker's lenience... was mercy. All along.

She tried to punish herself for ever criticizing her new leader for "weakness." WindClan needed all the paws it could get to fight the fires and continue to feed the Clan, and Onestar was the cat who understood that.

He showed unfathomable kindness and wisdom by giving her and the other rebels no punishment.

She vowed to atone for it. She would not waste her second chance.

Nightcloud had been so busy trying to make up for what she'd done, fighting fires, building dens, and carefully rotating hunts to manage the prey populations that she barely registered that she didn't see much of Crowfeather after the night of the Muirburn.

While WindClan was gossiping, she was largely left out of the loop for being distrusted at the time.

When he came back, they started spending a lot of time together.

Mateship & Abuse

She liked Crowfeather. They'd been in each other's orbit since the Civil War, and she admired his judgement at nearly every turn. Mudclaw seemed like a good choice for a lot of people, but Crowfeather had seen when his true colors started to show. He made a truly heroic choice at the end. So when he expressed interest in her, it felt like she was going to be his next good call.

Nightcloud had so, so much to prove.

In spite of his absence, Crowfeather was a hero to the Clan. The warrior blessed by StarClan to bring them to their new home, a land of a thousand more stars, he who betrayed the traitors.

And in spite of that. He had a loneliness. He requested a name to honor the cat of another Clan, a lover he had lost on his mission

He is loud, passionate, and yet there seemed to be a niche in his heart he wanted to fill.

So... she wanted to be his missing piece, in service of the great love that binds a Clan together. To help him.

To prove she could mean something to someone, and be trusted in turn by a Clan that, rightfully, looked at her with suspicion.

but she didn't LOVE him so much as she RESPECTED him.

and he never saw her as much more than an in-Clan replacement for Leafpool, especially while he was secretly reeling from her dumping him and cancelling their elopement plans.

It didn't really strike her that they were mutually using each other; Crowfeather to affirm his loyalty to the Clan, and Nightcloud to prove she could love and be loved.

And neither of them were even accomplishing that. But, there's a difference between them.

While Nightcloud was trying, GOD she was trying... Crowfeather quickly grew frustrated that she was a person, and not just the perfect image of the "true love" that Feathertail and Leafpool would have given to him

So he started FINDING things to criticize about her. Reasons that he could use to justify why it's not HIS fault he's not happy, but hers.

She's clingy. She's too cold. She's less attractive when she's carrying their child. She's too demanding when she tells him to help out with the kit.

NOTHING she did was right, and meanwhile, even when Breezekit was young, Crowfeather was an awful Ba.

Depending on his mood, he was either too rough or too distant, a dichotomy he used to describe as Nightcloud being unable to make up her mind. Does she want him to help, or does she want space??

Problem is, you can't be fair with unfair people. When Crowfeather would say ANY of this, she would try to take his words in good faith

And Breezekit's formative moons were spent watching his mother twist herself in knots, trying to avoid whatever his father was complaining about that week.

But it NEVER satisfied him. It never COULD.

and worst of all...

Whenever she DID fight back, dragged down into explosive arguments after biting her tongue again and again, Crowfeather would ALWAYS bring up Feathertail. She's dead, and so Nightcloud could never defeat this ideal, NONEXISTENT image of this nearly perfect hypothetical lover that he could have had.

Crow: "And YOU don't even care. You CUT me, Nightcloud! I am being flayed and left to DIE from infection, and you don't even care."

Night: "Of course i care, I'm here aren't i?? Feathertail loved you, but I do too! And I'M in YOUR Clan, in case you haven't NOTICED."

Crow: "Oh you love me do you? I don't think you do. There's a reason I loved Feathertail enough to be so tempted away from my Clan, but YOU'RE such an awful person that YOU happily did ARSON."

Night: "I... I wasn't-"

Crow: "Wasn't trying to betray your Clan? Wasn't trying to make me feel like some kind of animal?? What WERE you trying to do, then?"

Night: "I've ALWAYS tried to make up for what I did, I was trying to-"

Crow: "To WHAT? To hurt me? Like you always do? All I wanted was you to see that I'm-"

Night: "Can you cut it out?! I wanted-"

Crow: "STOP Interrupting me, this is exactly what I mean! Feathertail NEVER made me feel this way, she would let me finish and listen to everything I have to say before trying to jump in. WHAT have I done wrong exactly? What IS it this time?? Hm???"

Night: "I-- Crowfeather I'm trying! I didn't mean to make you feel that way, and I'm not trying to fight. I just don't know what you want from me, I'm-"

Crow: "I say it over and over and over!! Are you stupid? I should have been with a rabbit, at LEAST it would have given me faster children!"

Night: "Can you stop being a CHILD for a minute and TELL me what you want me to do? In simple terms? Or is that just too much?"

Crow: "Fine. But im not going to repeat myself again. I don't deserve this, you're lucky I'm gracious."

When Breezekit became Breezepaw, Nightcloud had lost patience with this treatment. She still tried to be gentle with Crowfeather, but he was starting to force her into making a choice; Was she going to protect her son? Or was she going to keep endlessly trying to appease her husband?

In her head... SHE might "deserve" it. She knows she's "difficult." And that a lot of the things Crowfeather says about her are "true"

And if she's lonely, she "brought it on herself" by doing awful things. That's why she tries so hard to atone for them.

But Breezepaw is her BABY, and Crowfeather makes him feel like a little brat. Yells at him, finds reasons to pick on him, gives him the cold shoulder when he's done wrong...

At first, it looked like overprotectiveness, because she was often shoving herself between Breezepaw and his father, never backing up Crowfeather when he was punishing their son, and "downplaying" her son's rude behavior.

In reality, those were the actions of someone who was trying to prevent arguments from turning into abuse.

Those were things HILLRUNNER used to do with her, though at the time, she didn't realize that Crowfeather was in the same positions that her Mi had once been in

In fact, she continued to grapple with the deep feelings of shame, that she might be like Hillrunner when she was trying so hard to be different.

But the truth remained, that she recognized the same patterns that she was forced to be hyperaware of, and was trying to stop them before they escalated.

It took MANY years, well into Breezepelt's adulthood, AND well into her divorce, before she realized that.

Protecting her son was as reflexive as a hunting crouch. It was just something she did.

Unfortunately, Crowfeather was the one with power in this situation. And his immense sway was palpable. If he vented to a Clanmate about how hard it was to have a mate who undermines him and a son who defied him, they'd believe him.

So, Breezepelt started getting written off as "a problem kid" by the adults.

What changed... was Hollyleaf's reveal at that fateful Gathering.

She had been desperately trying to "atone" for what she'd done for years, guilty and shameful that she'd been complicit in an attack that had gotten cats killed and set the peat on fire. She kept proving herself, over and over, as Crowfeather held his love for an outsider up over her head.

And then she finds out he was HIDING this from her, ALL THIS TIME. There'd been ANOTHER MOLLY from another Clan she was being compared to.

Unlike canon; Crowfeather knew. He didn't need to be told. Hollyleaf looks just like his father Deadfoot. Lionblaze has his tail tip. Jayfeather is a miserable git.

They were born 2 months after Leafpool left him, choosing her Clan and her CLERIC FRIEND over HIM. He isn't stupid.

Emotions ran high and, right in front of his wife, at a PUBLIC GATHERING, he made another love confession to Leafpool. That she never should have abided her vow because she belonged with HIM.

Leafpool was fucking mortified. On top of her life crumbling as the secret was revealed, she was undergoing the cat equivalent of being cornered in a public space as an unwanted ex begs you to acknowledge your LOVE.

Leafpool is completely and utterly out of love for Crowfeather, not a SINGLE flicker of it left in her heart, but NIGHTCLOUD felt like Leafpool's tears were because she missed Crowfeather soooo much.

And after YEARS of being compared to FEATHERTAIL, only to find out she was being contrasted to LEAFPOOL all along??

And that Crowfeather really WOULD just break the code for any OTHER lover? Even "a treacherous, vow-breaking, abominable little [cat meow censor] FROM ANOTHER CLAN?"

AND A CLERIC?????

YEARS of trying to unlearn bigotry, keeping lessons about unity kept close in spite of the growing tensions between the Clans, having an open mind towards the people she'd unfairly judged, trying to atone for following Mudclaw... What's the point??

She was humiliated, embarrassed, scandalized. For moons she'd tried to appease him, and then he goes after HER SON, and then DOES THIS.

But something was different.

Onestar had enough of Crowfeather and his shenanigans.

By making a fool of himself at that Gathering, he made a fool of the WHOLE Clan.

Not only did he sire kittens with a Cleric, in a half-clan relationship, vanishing for a week to go on a holiday as the Clan was fighting peat fires, but he didn't even have the decency to NOT TELL AN ENTIRE GATHERING THAT HE DOESN'T REGRET IT.

Onestar snapped.

CrowFEATHER is an Honor Title. CrowFOOT was in respect to his deceased father, Deadfoot.

These names are both too honorable.

And even a DISHONOR Title is too good for this sort of behavior.

If he cannot behave like a Clan cat, then he WILL NOT BE ONE.

For one moon, Crow, no suffix, just Crow, would live on his own in total exile.

It was such a scandal that Nightcloud was horrified. The whole Clan had turned to look to her, see what she would do, desperate to know how she was reacting and what she would do next.

But... their tune changed.

They weren't looking at her like Crowfeather's ungrateful mate. They were curious about her judgement.

CrowFEATHER had convinced so many people that Nightcloud had been the problem, with his immense sway and influence.

But what he did was shocking and abhorrent to WindClan. Now he is just Crow, a rogue on the border.

And Nightcloud is as reliable as she always has been.

What really causes Crowfeather to begin to change here in BB, is that when he comes back... nearly everyone has been better off without him.

After a moon, Crow came back thinking that Nightcloud would snarl at him, or they'd fight, or she'd weep, or... something negative.

But instead, she greeted him. Cordially. Casually. With the tiniest little lilt to her tone that you only hear when you're forced to welcome someone you dislike.

For the rest of BB!OotS, they were together but... distantly. If it wasn't totally over, it was visibly dying.

They had a few more fights, public spats, but now that the Clan didn't seem to have Crowfeather's back...

He started to lose his nerve, and she stopped feeling terrible for things that happened long ago.

Now WindClan was following Nightcloud's lead on Crowfeather. When she was gracious, so were they. When she was pushed to snapping, they saw him like the unreasonable one.

But, honestly? That attention made Nightcloud uncomfortable.

She disliked the sway she now seemed to have over her ex-mate's reputation. She hated him and everything he did, especially in the few times that he would STILL try to deflect blame onto her, but... wielding that kind of social sway, after being an outsider for so long, it felt heavy and toxic in her belly.

Between OotS and AVoS, she realized that she's not like him. He reveled in the spotlight and influence he had over the Clan as a result of his power, adored attention and drama and being able to command it. Crowfeather would complain that life was so unfair, but he ENJOYED how the rules were applied so loosely to him, and how well he was treated because of the pain he'd gone through.

She doesn't.

In fact, she even resents the finicky opinions of her Clanmates. That earning their respect, in the end, was something she had absolutely no control over. She'd gone through so much for so long and so very few cats had ever had her back, and to be vindicated now of all times?

It was sour. Not comforting.

If she made any mistakes during OoTS, it was enabling Breezepelt's growing xenophobia in the midst of her own pain and frustration. She didn't KNOW that he was being recruited by the Dark Forest. If she did, she would have done something to try and stop him.

Breezepelt and AVoS

The worst part of it all was that none of this newfound reputation carried over to her opinions about her son. Breezepelt continued to be hated and distrusted because of his role in the Battle of the True Eclipse (BOTTE), where the Dark Forest killed so many warriors. He'd fought until the end of the night.

Of course she was disappointed in him. Of course she knew he'd done something awful. But she had too, so many years ago.

The fact he had also been a victim of Crowfeather's slander was disregarded in the eyes of WindClan, and for his role in the fight, Onestar gave him and his complicit friends Dishonor Titles.

Breezepelt became Dodderheart-- a reference to a parasitic type of bush, native to heathland, which strangle and kill the flowers. Harespring didn't get off without one. Darkseeker had sought his biological father in the Dark Forest, Mudclaw, and then the BOTTE had killed his Mi and biological uncle, Torear.

Nightcloud tried to encourage her son to follow Darkseeker's lead in seeking atonement, but he had decided that this meant; "My own mother had taken HIS side, that damn traitor who threw me under the boar so that he could save his own reputation, distancing himself from THE REST OF US so that he can climb the ranks! WELL!"

When The Kin arrived at the lake, lead by the mysterious Darktail, Nightcloud was powerless as the pied piper called forth cats of many Clans.

He appealed to everyone who felt alienated. Every HalfClan cat still dealing with stigma, every young warrior frustrated by the dogged separation of the Clans... and, especially, to all of the Dark Forest trainees who still lived.

It was a trap, and Breezepelt was drawn to it.

As the situation got worse and worse, Nightcloud could only watch from afar as Onestar responded with furious embargoes, aggression, and fury towards any type of contact with Darktail's cats.

Along with Brushblaze and Harespring, now deputy and having shed his Dishonor Title, she plotted ways to undermine Onestar's strict orders and try to reach her son.

And.... Crowfeather, too.

To her surprise, he wanted to help.

The irony was overwhelming. Yes Breezepelt, or Dodderheart, damn Onestar's pernicious name, YES he had been making his own choices for a long time, but Crowfeather knew full well who had set him on this path.

In spite of how he'd try to deflect the blame for seasons on seasons.

Hedgehogs took flight that day, because his response was, "You think I don't know that? ...that's why I'm here."

Someone else might have wanted to shove that back in his face, drink in every drop of smugness they'd earned, tell Harespring to kick him from the help efforts for causing so much pain in the first place..

...But Nightcloud isn't like that someone else.

Breezepelt was what mattered to her. Anyone who was going to help was another alibi, another mouth to carry herbs, another set of claws to fight by their side.

...is that what working with others really means, at its core?

Maybe it's not love that truly binds us, but a sense of duty. The commitments we make to each other, and the honor to keep them.

She loves her son. And by extension, she loves Heathertail and Harespring who love him.

But her Clanmates... she doesn't love them. Or Crowfeather.

And Crowfeather wasn't here out of love for her. Maybe not even love for Breezepelt as a person. He was here for honor. Repentence. To right a wrong.

Whatever reason he was here; it still meant he was HERE. To help.

In that moment, she thinks back to the words of Hillrunner. That only blood-family would ever turn out for you, and strength was what allowed you to keep them.

Looking over to Brushblaze, thinking to her Clanmates, she finally had the wisdom to see the words for what they were

It was the scared, broken philosophy of a molly who had lost everything a hundred times over, clinging to something that made sense, trying to scare her kits into never leaving her side.

Nightcloud was truly unlike her. Surrounded by allies of all kinds, united in their goal to rescue her son and other Kin captives and victims.

She was entitled to her reasonable distrust, but not held back by it. She never would forgive Crowfeather, but they could work together. For Breezepelt.

Hillrunner wasn't completely wrong about strength. It was an asset.

But so is faith.

After they'd brought Breezepelt home along with many others, bedraggled and shaken by their experiences, Nightcloud was absolutely shocked by how graciously Onestar seemed to be towards them.

She didn't question it at the time, but when Onestar spent his final life stealing a plan Breezepelt admitted was his own, to sacrifice himself drowning Darktail, it suddenly made sense.

After Harestar took power, she had cemented herself as one of his favorite warriors. A powerful, loyal brawler, who was willing to do anything under his command. Breezepelt had accepted at this point that he was never going to have a position of power due to his past; and that was okay.

She spent a lot of time with the grandkits Breezepelt eventually had with his mates, Harestar and Heathertail. For the first time in a long time, she's finally at peace with the family she's acquired.

Trivia and Misc

I'm tempted to swap Crowfeather and Nightcloud as deputy. I feel like Nightcloud makes a very interesting one.

At the same time though, I do like the drama of Crowstar and Squirrelstar as opposing leaders, so I'm still unsure.

For some reason whenever I think of Nightcloud, I think of ABBA songs lmao. Thank You For The Music, or maybe Knowing Me Knowing You.

As you can see, I split up Crowfeather's Trial and shuffled it around. I feel like for most of OotS, Nightcloud and Crowfeather are doing nothing but arguing and the development feels incredibly rushed because it's all in an SE, so I've pushed a major event back.

They also never actually describe their verbal arguments; so I'm using them to make my take on Crowfeather more clear. He's emotionally abusive.

Something that I often feel isn't done enough is abusers who are popular, and also funny. How devastating it feels for someone you love to mock you in public, and then a bunch of people laugh because "you deserve it."

Or just see you as the aggressor by default

Knowing you can't do shit about it because they're just more loved than you. Their word vs yours.

(especially when paired with trauma that makes you forget major details so you can't even recall any examples in the moment, so you just get painted as clingy and whiny)

All that said, there's a ton of abusive cats in BB, most of them never improve or get better, but Crowfeather will.

And from Nightcloud's perspective, that's a good thing. And I want to capture that deeply bittersweet feeling.

She's happy he's not so terrible anymore... but god, it doesn't undo any of the AWFUL things he did and said to her.

Anyway, I really want to fit Nightcloud's buddy Pickle in somehow, but I'm still working it out. Pickle was such a cute character

Hillrunner and Downwind are repurposed Missing Kits! WindClan is ridiculously tiny so I had to stretch it pretty thin.

I don't see a ton of Nightcloud origin stories, so the one I figured made the most sense was picking up on the observation others have made about her "coddling" behavior

In-canon, because Crowfeather is abusive to his kid, it suddenly implies that a major reason why Nightcloud is so protective of Breezepaw in arguments is because she's trying to prevent it from escalating into abuse.

Eventually I'd like to build out some more friends, and expand on her budding friendship with Brushblaze. Not to mention Willowclaw.

Maybe I should repurpose Crowfeather's Trial into an SE about Nightcloud... Nightcloud's Thaw, maybe. Something about a change that's a long time coming, so I can show her new backstory and how she reacts to all the changes in WindClan towards her reputation.

And that's Nightcloud! I think she deserves an AU where she gets to be a more fleshed out supporting character, as a treat <3

[isawritesshit]

Lavender Detangler

image was taken from @ hankaashi on pinterest

Synopsis: You are Nishinoya's older sister, the fearless, confident, and reliable manager... except when faced with your feelings with the team ace. As both of your high school years are going to be coming to a close, will one of you be able to say something about how you feel? Who will overcome their nerves first?

Warnings: reader has she/her pronouns, reader is described as being short because she's nishinoya's sister, language, karasuno being chaotic, season 4 spoilers, tooth-rotting fluff.

Author's Note: My old Asahi fic, as promised. This one is a bit longer and used to be on my old wattpad account some time ago. Asahi is one of my favorite hq characters, literally my baby. This one is pure fluff, and is a bit on the longer side. Also, this fic takes place during the events of season 4 so there are some spoilers in that sense, but nothing too major. Enjoy lovelies <3

Word Count: ~ 6.9k

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They did it. In your two years of being a manager for the Karasuno boys volleyball team, you probably would have never thought that the boys would beat Shiratorizawa, much less make it to nationals. And yet, even as you stared out at the Tokyo sky on the way to the inn, even as Asahi landed that last spike to push them through to the 2nd round, you still felt that little voice whisper in your head in complete awe and disbelief. 

They did it.  

After the game, the Karasuno gang packed up and headed back for the inn. Most of them took a nap or stared tiredly out the window. They were all exhausted from the thrill of their first game, and they should be. They fought hard and restlessly. The boys showed everyone watching in the stands today that they didn’t come here on some fluke, they came here because they are going to win. 

That’s right. The entire damn tournament. 

Takeda shouted from the front, breaking you from your thoughts. “We’re here everyone!” Hinata immediately jumped up from his seat and barreled full speed toward the front. Kageyama chased after him not much longer (probably because Hinata woke him up when he started running). You chuckled at the duo and slowly got up from your own seat in the front. As everyone else piled off you began making your way toward the back. You kind of made it your own job to wake anyone up once you’ve reached the destination on road trips. 

You spotted Tanaka and Yuu dozing a few seats back. You silently made your way over to them, and started to shake Tanaka. 

“Tanakaaaa, wake uuuup,” you sang while shaking his shoulder. He lazily opened his eyes and let out a yawn. You then reached over to poke at Yuu’s back which was turned to you as he wrapped himself around his duffel bag. “Come on Yuu.” You didn’t have to try that hard with Yuu. After all, you woke him up for school every day. 

As you leaned back, Tanaka stretched his arms above his head and asked, “(Y/N)? Are we here?” You gave him a nod and moved out of the way for him to get up. Yuu was glaring at you from behind his seat. 

“What’s wrong Yuu?” you asked, smirking. “Mad cause I woke you up?”  

“I was having a good dreaaammm,” he whines. 

“Whatever, just get your lazy ass up and let's head inside,” Tanaka drawls as he slaps Yuu upside the head. 

“My lazy ass?” Yuu retorts. Yuu grabbed his duffel bag, and then returned a smack upside Tanaka’s head as they walked toward the front of the bus. “You were sleeping too!” Here they go again… 

“Boys!” you yelled at them. They stopped. “Just get off the bus!” The libero and the wing spiker left without saying another word. 

You sighed while shaking your head. You considered this your own role as a manager sometimes. Kiyoko was more of the quiet one that did her job well, Yachi was the newbie still getting used to the reins, and you were the one that kept the boy’s attitudes in check (yes, even Daichi sometimes). 

You still remember back when you were about halfway through your first year as a manager. You were a second-year at the time. There was a day when the boys were so rowdy that not even the old Coach Ukai could calm them down. You must had been on your period or something that day, because you got so mad at them. All of a sudden, you had started scolding them for their attitudes and lack of respect, telling them that they needed to represent Karasuno High School the right way. It scared the team a bit. Their tiny manager that was practically a foot shorter than them was putting them in line and they actually listened. And so, the role kinda stuck (though you try not to lash out like you did that day). 

You smiled at the memory. You started your way towards the front until you heard a few light snores coming from a seat further back to your right. Huh, guess I missed one. You walked back to the seat, almost yelping in surprise at who you saw. 

Asahi? The ace slept with his own duffel bag propped up against the window as he snuggled it like a pillow. Half his face was buried into the bag while the other half was still in a peaceful slumber. Little bits of his brown hair fell around his forehead and over his ears from his bun. One longer strand of hair fell out over his nose, and would lift up slightly whenever he let out a small snore. You wondered how he didn’t wake up from Yuu and Tanaka yelling as they got off. Daichi and Suga did say that Asahi sleeps like the dead, but you’ve never got to actually see that for yourself. 

You felt heat crawl up your face and ears at the sight of him. Asahi’s face was usually always concentrated, scared, or smiling. But this was somehow different. Seeing him sleeping like that made you stop dead in your tracks and stop thinking rationally. What’s worse? He’s not even trying. Asahi’s expression, mixed with his messy hair and snores, was pulling you in like a magnet. You thought it was downright adorable.You wanted to sit by him, maybe get a little closer. Close enough that perhaps you could smell the scent off his jacket or… 

Your blushing got worse. You liked to keep these thoughts under wraps, but when they did come up you couldn’t help but get flustered. Fortunately, sitting next to him was as far as you got. 

Hesitantly, you reached over to grab and shake Asahi’s shoulder. “Asahi,” you whispered. He didn’t budge. God, you were so lucky that no one could see you doing this. Under normal circumstances, with everyone in here, you would have been redder than a Nekoma jersey. “Asahi,” you whispered a little louder this time, shaking his shoulder a bit more. When he stirred and sucked in a breath, you flinched and stood up so quickly that you thought your spine snapped. But sadly, it didn’t, and now here you are, watching as Asahi opened his eyes ever so slowly. 

When he sits up and his eyes finally land on you, you glued your eyes to the seat you were just sitting on. “O-Oh, (y/n)! Are we here?” Asahi asks in a groggy voice while looking up at you and then out the window to see the inn. 

“Y-yeah!” you answered, cursing your voice for going a little more high pitched than you planned. You forced yourself to look up at him and conceal your blush. “I woke you up…” Just as he rose, you started to walk to the front with Asahi now not that far behind you. You swore, even just feeling him walking behind you was setting off butterfly cannons in your stomach. So, you composed yourself and tried to just walk straight.

But, what if you stopped? What if you leaned back, felt the warmth of his broad chest against your head… who are you kidding, both you and him would have a heart attack if you ever tried something so bold. You couldn’t seem to place how these thoughts entered your head about someone so fragile like that...

Both of you got off the bus and walked side by side now toward the lobby. You were mentally smacking yourself for thinking such things with him so close by. 

When you entered the lobby, you took a seat and forced yourself to stop and think about something else. 

“I’m going to put my stuff upstairs, see ya (y/n)!” Asahi called to you, turning for the stairs. Man, you were so caught up in your own thoughts that you didn’t even talk to him! Just how awkward can you get-

“See ya for dinner!” you called from over his shoulder as he, much to your relief and dismay, disappeared upstairs. 

You let out a small sigh as you watched him disappear. Of course, you’ve fallen for the Ace of Karasuno. You just couldn’t help it. Asahi is one of the greatest friends you have and probably the most caring and understanding person you’ve ever met. He interested you too, how someone that big and imposing could be so gentle. Not only that, you did think he was really attractive. You started feeling this way at the beginning of your second year, and it didn’t take long for everyone to catch on. Heck, even the current first years have noticed it (Tsukishima teases you about it so much you have to remind him to respect his fucking elders and their problems). Somehow Asahi hasn’t caught on, probably due to his usual softie mentality. 

That’s probably for the best. Not wanting to screw up your friendship with Asahi is probably the reason you’ve never confessed anyway. Probably.

But you’re running out of time. After this tournament, you have a few more weeks before you both graduate and you go off to attend university. So maybe you’ll just enjoy the time that you have with him, even if you most likely won’t tell him in the end.  

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Asahi walked up to the boys room with his duffel bag, his mind a flurry of thoughts. Should I have stayed back with her? No, that would seem a little creepy… What do you mean creepy? She’s your friend! Shoot, I didn’t even tell her thank you for waking me up! Great going Asahi-

When Asahi entered the boys room, he was met with Kageyama being shoved into him, causing him to drop his bag. 

“Ah! Sorry Asahi,” Kageyama apologized as Asahi bent down to pick it up. 

“I-it’s fi-” 

“Yeah Baka-yama! Say sorry!” Hinata shouted from across the room, sticking his tongue out at Kageyama. 

“You’re the one that pushed me, dumbass!” Kageyama roared before storming back over to Hinata. 

Asahi chuckled and made his way over to where Suga and Daichi were watching the pair fight from a safe distance. 

“Hey, Asahi! Why’d you take so long to come up?” Daichi asked. He looked a little concerned, maybe even worried. Him and Suga really are just like his parents… 

“O-oh no r-reason I-” he began. Asahi tried to avoid eye contact as his own voice began betraying him again. Eye contact was dangerous with these two sometimes, even if they were his friends. Both Suga and Daichi raised an eyebrow at him. “Um… I fell asleep on the bus a-and… (y/n) woke me up,” he muttered while getting quieter as he said your name. 

“Aww, well isn’t that sweet!” Suga cooed with a teasing smirk. Asahi swore, whenever he brought you up when you weren't around, they were always quick to tease him. Maybe they are his parents…  

Asahi felt a tiny blush begin to form on his cheeks as he stuttered “S-S-Suga, can we not talk about this right now…” 

Daichi let out a disappointed sigh. “C’mon Asahi, you’ve basically had a crush on her since she became a manager. You gotta tell her already!” 

“Tell who what?” asked Hinata who suddenly appeared beside Daichi. Asahi went stiff as a board, looking nowhere else than his shoes. 

“Tell (y/n) that he likes her,” he heard Tsukishima say from beside Hinata. “What? Did you not know that he has feelings for her?” 

“Wait, you mean… those kinda feelings?” Hinata’s voice got louder. It felt so loud that Asahi thought he was going to faint from the embarrassment. 

Yamaguchi was quick to chime in with Tsukishima. “Well yeah! Hasn’t Tsukki told you this before?” How did they know?! Noya didn’t tell them… right? 

As if on cue, Tanaka and Nishinoya also joined the conversation. “Yeah man! Who would’ve thought that Asahi would have a crush on such a hot girl like her, huh? What’d you think Noya?” Tanaka asked as he laughed along with the group. 

“Asahi!” Noya yelled right into Asahi’s ear, scaring the living shit out of him. Almost the whole room went quiet. Noya pointed straight into Asahi’s face, causing his eyes to widen and look at his finger. Noya then began speaking as if he were talking of destiny, “Azumane Asahi, as Nishinoya (y/n)’s younger brother, and as her sole protector for life, I grant you permission for you to court her, and-” 

“Oh please. Do you even know what the word “court” means when you say it like that?” Tsukishima snickered. Asahi’s body went cold with chills as his face flushed crimson. “You’re basically giving him permission to-” 

“Would you guys shhhhhh!” Suga screamed at them before dropping his voice to a whisper. Oh thank God for Suga- “The girls room is right next door! They could’ve heard you for all you know! Have some respect…” Hinata squealed a ‘sorry’ and Tsukishima just walked away with a smirk. Noya gave Asahi a firm slap on the back. Everyone else that took part in the conversation left to do their own thing.

Suga put a gentle hand on Asahi’s shoulder, causing him to look into his eyes. “Look Asahi, whenever you’re around (y/n), I notice a slight change in you. You’re not super tense. You’re actually a lot more relaxed around her. You’re more confident and a lot more happy. She pushes you to do better unlike any one of us. You gotta tell her how you feel, and you have to do it soon, Asahi.” 

“Yeah, and even if she doesn’t feel the same way, she isn’t the type of person to avoid you afterwards,” Daichi adds, giving him a reassuring smile. 

Asahi blushed again before smiling at the ground. Is that really how he seems around you? Sure, some of what Suga said is true. He does feel a slightly bigger push when you’re the one to give pep talks before games, and it would be a lie to say that he wasn’t happier around you, but he thought everyone felt that way… 

And the other things that Suga said? Asahi would just have to see for himself. Confess to you? Him, who has never been so in love with someone, and just happens to have no experience when it comes to that same department? He’s even surprised that words just came so naturally with you but confidence be damned! He never prepared himself for this! 

Well, it is his third year after all… maybe he could learn a thing or two before ending high school. What does he have to lose? 

“Y-Yeah...alright.” 

There was a knock before the door opened. “Alright guys, meeting in the conference room in five. Dinner will be ready shortly after!” Coach Ukai yelled above the conversations. As soon as the team responded, one by one each boy began to leave the room. Daichi gave Asahi a small pat on the back before leaving with Suga.  Soon, Asahi was the only person left in the room, and the only tension present was created within his thoughts. 

___________________________________________________________

You leaned your head back and closed your eyes as you let the steam and heat of the bath allow you to unwind. Kiyoko and Yachi had already climbed in with you. You sat to the right of Kiyoko and Yachi sat on her left. 

“Rough day so far, (y/n)?” Kiyoko asked with her usual calming gaze. You could tell why almost all the boys were so into her. Seeing Yuu, Tanaka, and even boys from other teams try to hit on her was one of the funniest things to you. There was no denying that Kiyoko is pretty, and she always had this earthly calm about her that you just couldn’t put your finger on sometimes. Kiyoko has been your closest girl friend since you started as a manager, and now even Yachi was one too. 

“Yeah,” you groaned. It may not seem like it to everyone else, but you had been stressed almost since you woke up this morning. First, there was the tension of the boys first game. Then, Kiyoko had to run back to grab Hinata’s bag that he left at the train station. The stress went away slightly after the boys won the first game, but the tension was still there now that they have to win the next one. To top it off, the boys just found out at their meeting that they would be going up against the team was ranked #2 to win nationals. Not to mention, their setter (according to Kageyama) was on the All Japan Youth team. If that didn’t make everyone’s anxiety for this tournament any worse, you didn’t know what did. You’re definitely going to make sure that the boys settle down to get enough sleep tonight. 

Kiyoko and Yachi listened as you went on your rant about the day. But as you continued on, you let something slip out. “Not to mention, I woke up Asahi on the bus today. Asahi of all people! Then when we walked back I didn’t even say anything! I got so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn’t even realize how awkward I was being…” 

You paused, realizing what you just said. Your hands flung up to conceal the blush now forming as you muttered something incoherent about not meaning to say that. 

“Honestly (Y/N), I think it’s pretty funny how you react around someone like Asahi!” Yachi giggled. Kiyoko must have been pointing things like that out to her…

Kiyoko smiled at you. “She’s right, you know. It’s almost like you two switch personalities when you’re together.” 

You turned your body to face them. “T-that’s not true!” you argued. The massive blush on your ears and face said otherwise. “I’m still the same person!” 

The bathing room went suddenly quiet as if they were silently disagreeing with you. You turned to face forward again. It was if there was still another question that hung in the air that remained unspoken. “(Y/N)?” It was Yachi that spoke up. 

“Yeah?” you asked somewhat hesitantly. 

“You’re not...nervous to tell him you like him… are you?” Yachi asked. Your breath shuddered. There it was, that unspoken question. While it might seem normal for a person to be nervous to tell someone they liked them, much less to feel nervous about other things, ‘nervous’ was not a trait among the Nishinoya siblings. In fact, no one believed you and Yuu have ever felt nervous before. Despite Yuu’s personality being different from yours, it’s still centered around that shared trait between the both of you. The Nishinoya siblings were known on the team for being the fearless ones, Yuu in his playing ability and happy-go-lucky attitude, and you with your confident decision making and ability to push each player to do their best. It’s what made you two so reliable. You and your brother never got nervous… right? You guessed maybe that should only be said of Yuu now. After all, how can someone have no fear if they can’t confess to a silly little crush… 

Maybe that’s the reason you’ve never confessed. This entire time, you thought the reason you never told Asahi how you felt was because you didn’t want to mess things up between the two of you. 

I’ve been lying to myself this whole time, you thought. But, I shouldn’t lie to my friends about it…

After a few more minutes of silence, you spoke up. “Yeah. I am nervous.” Both of your friends looked to you. As you continued, your voice became lower and quieter as you sounded out your thoughts slowly. “This entire time I’ve been telling myself that maybe it was better this way because he probably wouldn’t return my feelings, but I guess I’ve been stalling.” 

“That’s ok (y/n)! It’s perfectly normal for someone to get nervous over someone they like!” Yachi reassured you. 

“She’s right,” said Kiyoko, putting a hand on your shoulder. “Try to be yourself around him. He’s actually a lot more confident around you than you think, so it should be like having a conversation with someone like Daichi or Suga. Just try to take those baby steps, ok? If you talk to him tonight, tell us how it went afterward.” 

You smiled timidly at your two friends. “Okay, I will.”

___________________________________________________________

You stared at your phone and groaned. 9:00pm.

The boys would not shut up. 

While Kiyoko and Yachi were settling down into their own sleeping areas, you calmly went over and asked Daichi if he could settle down the boys a little. That was 30 minutes ago…

Oh well, you thought. Kiyoko and Yachi were asleep now, so you thought it would be fine. It had been a while since the team got to hang out as just a plain group of chaotic high school boys rather than a serious volleyball club. They’re on this trip to have some fun too. 

But if they're not quiet by 10:00, you’re definitely making sure they actually fall asleep. 

With a sigh, you turned off your phone and made your way across the dark room. Careful not to wake your friends, you tiptoed to your bag in the corner and fished out your favorite pajamas: an old yet suitable t-shirt and a fuzzy pair of light orange shorts. 

After changing, you grabbed your small toiletry bag and walked out of the room. Across from the girl’s room was a small washroom that was shared among all three of the rooms. You were sure that no one would enter since all the boys were in their room and Ukai and Takeda went drinking again. The washroom was completed with two sinks surrounded by a wooden counter, and a public toilet further back in the room. 

You set your stuff down on the sink closest to the door. As you started to brush your teeth, you questioned if you should stay up longer tonight than usual. You didn’t feel that tired yet, and you did hear that there is a balcony near the rooms. 

You leaned over the sink to spit before faintly hearing the door open. You quickly spit out the excess toothpaste and wiped your mouth on your sleeve before looking to see who stood in the doorway. 

“(y/n)?” Asahi stared back at you with his wide brown eyes. He had switched his tracksuit for a plain white t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats, which you assumed was his sleepwear. He had a small green bag under his arm. Was he washing up too? 

“Oh, I’m sorry I thought no one would come in here,” you tried to laugh about it as you quickly started to pack up your toiletries. Damn, you’re just acting nervous around him again! 

“No! You can stay, I’ll just come back later,” he smiled politely and turned to leave. 

“Wait!” you called before you even realized what you were doing. Asahi turned to look over his shoulder, surprised. Baby steps rang in your head as you took a breath and said “There’s another sink if you want to use it…”

Asahi peered over your head. “Oh! Sure...” He walked past you to the other sink and you turned to your own bag. As you brought out a comb to run through your hair, Asahi started to run the water in his sink as he fished out his own toothbrush. 

Almost on instinct, you started talking to yourself in your own head, even when you desperately wanted to talk to the boy next to you. Should I even say anything in the first place? No… baby steps (y/n)! Remember! Ok, what should I say? “So how do you think tomorrow will go?” No, the tension for tomorrow is already high enough. “Nice… weather? here? in? Tokyo…?” Goddammit why is this so hard-

You sighed through your nose and put your comb back. As you looked for the next thing you needed to find in your bag, your eyes slowly drifted to Asahi. He was looking at himself in the mirror as he ran a knuckle along his jaw and muttered something about needing to shave. You assumed he decided against it as he fished out a brush and a bottle of… detangler? 

One part of Asahi was happy and glad that you were sharing the washroom with him. But, the majority of him was feeling like an anxious wreck. It was only three hours ago when Asahi had promised his friends that he would finally confess his feelings to you. And now you’re here with him, alone, and you haven’t spoken a word to each other. Maybe he should say something about it now, close the gap he so desperately wanted to reach. Was he ever going to get a good enough opportunity such as this (even if it was in a washroom…)? 

As Asahi got out his brush and detangler, he decided that maybe he would just talk to you for now… yeah. But, what is there to talk about- 

“Is that lavender detangler?” 

He raised his eyebrows and turned to look at you. You looked first at the detangler in his hand, and then up at him with a quirked eyebrow and wide, expecting eyes. You held your face wash in one hand and a hair tie in the other. And those pajamas you were wearing… gosh you looked so cute. 

“Oh… yeah. It’s kind of weird I guess,” Asahi chuckled and scratched the back of his neck. 

“No, not at all,” you replied matter-of-fact. “I was actually kind of wondering why some parts of the gym smelled like lavender and I was trying to figure out who it was!” You laughed. It’s true, some corners of the gym started smelling oddly great (for a gym especially). When you asked Kiyoko and Yachi if they had bought new perfume, they both replied with no, and so you became suspicious. 

When you turned away to wash your face, Asahi took out his bun and began his own nighttime routine. Your butterflies fucking exploded as you rubbed the face wash gently into your skin and listened to the soft spurts of his detangler. 

___________________________________________________________

For the rest of your time in the washroom, both you and Asahi held great conversation. Though the time was little, the detangler topic led to both of you complaining about your hair consistency, to what color you both would want dye your hair, to favorite colors, to favorite school subjects, and then finally to what you were talking about now, favorite parts about school. 

“Well that’s easy. Being the manager for the team,” you replied nonchalantly. 

“Really?” Asahi packed up the rest of his things in his little bag and turned to you. He left his hair down. You were leaning against the door, your own bag under your arm. Seeing him with his hair down is having you battle the flutter in your stomach as you try to get used to the new sight. 

“Well yeah, but I guess I have to thank Yuu though after all. If he didn’t play volleyball I would probably be tripping over myself in a dance club or something!” You both laughed. 

He was still laughing as you caught a glance of his face. You wanted to see his smile more. You wanted to hear him laugh more. You just wanted to keep talking to him. This is the first time you’ve been able to have a normal conversation with him without stumbling over your words and you did not want it to end this quickly. But at the same time, you probably shouldn’t keep him if he’s tired. 

Asahi felt a little conflicted inside. It was clear that both of you were done washing up, but he still wanted to confess, but… well maybe now isn’t the time after all. It was still great to talk to you though. 

You opened the door and walked past the doorway. “So um, are you going back to the room?” 

“Well, I guess. But I probably won’t be able to sleep because of the noise. That’s the reason I came to wash up a little earlier.” Asahi responded. The moment was slipping away...

Maybe that’s one thing to thank the boys for. But is there some way to keep talking to him? He obviously doesn’t want to be by the rest of the team. Maybe you could save him from them for a couple of minutes. But where- 

“Um… a-are you tired?” This was about to take a lot of courage from you…

“N-no…?” Asahi was a little confused by your question. What were you about to ask him? 

“Do you wanna go hang out on the balcony for a bit?” You finally said it. A huge weight was lifted from your shoulders, but the even larger weight remained as you waited for his answer. You squeezed your hands behind your back and gulped. You prayed that he didn’t notice how nervous you were… 

Asahi just stared at you for about 2 seconds, because 2 seconds was all his brain needed to overcompensate and overthink everything you just said. Did you say hang out on the balcony? As in like, with you? Alone? Together? No one else is there, right? Why? Just to keep you company? Because he said that he didn’t really want to be by the rest of the loud and obnoxious team? Did you really care enough about that to invite him on the balcony? Did you actually like talking to him? 

No, that couldn’t be true… 

Right? 

“Yeah. We could do that.” 

___________________________________________________________

You stood on the balcony, eagerly awaiting Asahi. You leaned over the railing as you took in the cold evening. The wind blew just enough to leave a slight shiver through your body and stir your hair. The lights and sounds of Tokyo filled your senses as you watched the bustling city from afar. You took a look up. The pollution of Tokyo meant you couldn’t see stars, but you imagined they were there. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky, save for the occasional airplane flying to or from the city. You brought your gaze back down and stared forward in silent thought. 

Asahi was grateful that you had arrived at the balcony first after you both left to put away your toiletries. He tried his best to get into the room to put his things away, grab his jacket, and be out of the room where the boys were now playing truth or dare. Noya caught him and tried to convince him to join in, but he politely refused and left without another word. He would have to explain himself later. 

And now, there you were. You didn’t notice him behind you on the balcony. His gaze softened as he took a moment to admire you. 

You were the only thing that immediately captured his attention, as always. Not the blinding lights of the city beyond, not the atmosphere around him, just you, with your back turned to him as you faced Toyko. Asahi’s breath hitched in his throat. It was in that moment that he realized that nothing else mattered. Not even breathing mattered. The lights weren’t as beautiful, the city wasn’t as loud, and the chill in the air wasn’t as prominent. Everything else seemed to dull and fade, leaving only you. 

Why? 

There was just something more captivating in the way your hair flowed in the wind that he seemed to forget that the wind was the reason your hair moved so fluently. The way you were standing and observing the view, almost as if you didn’t know that if everything else had eyes, then everything would be gazing and admiring you just like he did every day. The way your eyes were shining so perfectly ahead that the stars would become jealous and try to take that shine, but he would never let them because no matter how high and mighty the stars might be, no matter how many of them there were, you were so much more above them in his own eyes. 

His thoughts were broken when your body jerked in a slight shiver. He realized that you had forgotten a coat because you were still wearing the same pajamas. 

It was a lot windier than you thought it would be. You wrapped your arms around yourself and rubbed your bare arms. You were in such a hurry to put your things away that you didn’t have time to consider the weather. 

You jumped when you felt a slight pressure on your shoulder, and then something laying across them. As you reached your hands up to feel what it was, you ran your fingers across the material of a jacket, and then heard the shuffling of someone next to you. Then you realized… 

Asahi was here, and he gave you his jacket. 

You turned to look at him. He was standing about a foot away from you to the right. He had his elbows propped against the balcony railing as he leaned against it. His shoulders caved slightly inward as he stared at the ground. His eyes were casted downward in a way that he almost looked ashamed, but if not, then just lost in thought. A slight tint splayed itself across his cheeks from the cold. The wind moved through his long brown hair like a dance and ruffled his white shirt against the muscle that laid beneath. 

Your heart caught in your chest. Your breathing stopped as you clutched the jacket. 

This was a new sight. He didn’t look scared. He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t sleeping. He didn’t look exactly concentrated either. 

He looked… ethereal. 

His eyes caught yours and he stood a little straighter. “I-I… you looked cold… so… sorry if it’s weird...” His eyes casted off as he spoke. He’s adorable. 

“N-no” you assured. “Not at all! Um, thank you...” 

“You’re welcome... “ he smiled at you before looking down again. It was odd. It wasn’t like his body was anxious, more like just his eyes were. Could he… maybe? Unless he was just trying to be nice. 

You looked down and held the jacket closer to you. Your blush was growing by the second. It may be a possibility. The jacket smelled like the lavender detangler and cedarwood. Not only that, it was warm. It smelled and felt like him, like your Asahi. Well, he wasn’t yours just yet. 

Just yet. 

Asahi didn’t even know why or how he managed to give you his jacket. He just felt a surge of feeling that had him act. He knew it was love, but at that moment, he never felt it so strongly. It was almost as if it were his instinct to want to make you feel happy and comfortable. Maybe he should act on that more. 

Maybe he should act on that now. 

You talked up first. “So, um…” you mumbled just loud enough to be audible. “How are you feeling… about tomorrow?” You instantly regretted the words as they left your mouth. You couldn’t think of another topic, so you just blurted the first thing that came to mind. 

“Um… well, if I said I was feeling alright about it, I would obviously be lying,” he chuckled. 

“Well, I think you’ll be alright once you get out there and kick ass like always,” you said, trying to ease his nerves. You sounded so sure of yourself. That was new, especially around Asahi. 

“(y/n)...” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you for supporting me…” he faced you as he leaned against the railing, smiling at you, though he didn’t make eye contact. “It really means a lot…” 

You gave him your best smile while clutching his jacket. “No need to thank us. We all have to push our ace so he can do his best!” 

He blushed. Something popped into his head, and before he could stop himself, he said it out loud. 

“No one pushes me to do my best as much as you, though.” He scared himself when he said it. He couldn’t even turn away. He just… looked at you. You were still so captivating. So much so that his anxiety and fears couldn’t even distract him now. 

You blushed. Did he just say that? Did he… there was almost no doubt now. Your heart started to beat so loud that you couldn’t focus on your own thoughts. You could only focus on him. 

You were looking at him with those beautiful eyes again. This was it. Now. He had to do it now. 

“(y-y/n)...” 

“Yeah…?” You turned to him. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He couldn’t stop staring at you. 

So captivating. 

There you stood, patiently waiting. 

“Asahi, are you-” 

“I love you, (y/n).” And that’s when the words began to tumble out. “I can’t believe I’m doing this… but it’s the truth. Ever since you became a manager for our team, I’ve never been able to get you out of my head and... and, I’m not sure how to feel about it. You’re just beautiful, and strong, and perfect… A-and I want to give you everything. I want to give you… more than everything really. But I’m just...I’m just…” 

He kept his eyes closed the entire time, brows furrowed and hands glued to his sides as he spoke. Were you actually hearing this? The person you’ve loved for so long confessing that he loves you- 

You felt this buzzing, warm feeling inside your heart. It spread like wildfire throughout your body, burning you and your senses down to the one source of the truth behind the flames which is that he. loves. you.  

He squinted as he opened his eyes to look at you. You looked… confused. You just kept staring at him. He felt this cold shiver as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He clenched his fists. Here it was, you were about to reject him. Why did he even try- 

“I love you too, Asahi.” 

“What?” 

“What?” 

For a moment you two just stared at each other. You both couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Meanwhile, the same fire was spreading throughout Asahi. Burning down all insecurities, all negative thoughts. It was just that one fact. 

You love him too. 

And like fire, it spread throughout both of you quickly. Burning, destroying, until it bubbled over and- 

That space between you ceased to exist as you stood on your tippy toes, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and kissed him. You didn’t know what you were doing, but you didn’t care. You’ve waited too long to tell him how you’ve felt and this kiss lifted the last weight from your consciousness. You didn’t have to pretend. You didn’t have to be nervous. You were free. 

Asahi didn’t know how to feel at first. Was this actually happening? Were you… kissing him? Well, of course he knew that but he never thought it would happen. 

He wasn’t kissing back. You opened your eyes and leaned back, separating you from his lips. Was that too far? “Ah, s-sorry I thought-”

You were cut off by him quickly swooping in and returning the kiss while leaning down to wrap his arms around your waist. You closed your eyes and kissed him back, wrapping your arms around his neck and tangling your hands in his long hair. His lips were warm and surprisingly soft. You giggled as the scruff from his stubble tickled you. His kiss was so gentle that it was as if he thought you were a porcelain doll, and that if he put too much of himself on you, that you would break. It was loving and sweet, and filled with as much care as he could give you. 

When you both leaned back, he looked down at you. So small. So amazing. 

So perfect. 

Those were his words before he leaned again, pressing himself closer to you. Your back steadied itself against the railing as you continued kissing him. His hands travelled to cup your face, one hand resting itself against your soft skin and the other running itself through your hair. This kiss was just like the last but filled with more need and passion. The fire was growing. Here, nothing else mattered. The lights didn’t matter, the air, the city. Just you, with your lips on his.

When you leaned back again, he smiled as you kissed him on the nose. “Not as perfect as you,” you replied. You laughed as his face scrunched in confusion, and then when he realized what he had said out loud before he kissed you. 

“So, uh, does this mean… W-well, only if you want to of course! But, ah, what I’m trying to say is-” 

“Yes Asahi, I’ll be your girlfriend,” you said to him while rolling your eyes and smiling. It seemed that after your kiss, your confidence had returned. How could he kiss you like that but not be able to ask you out? He’s so awkward, and handsome, and yours. 

Both of you chuckled, finally before leaning in again. Finally yours. 

That’s when you heard the metallic door on the other side of the balcony open. 

“HEY ASAHI- woah” 

___________________________________________________________

"So that's when I opened the door, and Asahi and (y/n) were making out, and-"

"Noya, stop-" Asahi pleaded.

"Dang, who knew that Asahi had game," Tanaka wheezed.

[arabellasleopardcoat]

Pyrite - Chapter 2: Gold shrouds

Pt 1 here! 

Chapter summary: Daemon gets a letter and Aemma drinks her tea. Both events are not as unrelated as they should be. 

Warnings: Swearing. Abortion. Death (Of an irrelevant character, just to complicate things) 

A/N: Yes, I know what I’m implying between Daemon and Viserys. Sue me. Also, Aemma just knows things. Royal wombs anyone? 

If there was one thing Daemon despised, it was answering letters. It was not that he hated to write, or that he disliked corresponding with others. As a child, he had often hoped a more effective means of communication was invented for the realm. He hated waiting for news. Ravens took ages to cross the country and were often unreliable. They could be tampered with, and there was no reliable way of actually knowing who was sending the message. It was an insecure means of communication. 

Growing up, he had realized his feelings were paranoia and impatience. But as he was faced with an ever-growing pile of letters, Daemon once again remembered his longing for a more effective way of doing things. Many of the requests he was answering were delayed, and whatever he could do about it would probably be an even more delayed response. 

It would be even worse when he was Hand. Even more letters and petitions to oversee, and that was not considering the ones directed to the King that he would answer in his stead. Already, he had noticed Viserys slipping a few of his letters in Daemon’s pile. It was bound to be good practice. 

Daemon skimmed the news from his informants. His grandmother seemed to be doing better, which gladdened him. The death of his aunt and uncle had hit her hard. It was good to hear she was regaining her strength, although Daemon would much prefer it if she was not dining with Corlys Velaryon or the Hightower cunt. 

His father did not look at the meetings with good eyes. Nor did the King. The three of them had started corresponding a while back, trying to protect Viserys’ interests. As always, the man himself remained oblivious. 

It was how it was meant to be, Daemon mused. Viserys could be the crown, but Daemon would always be the sword. His sword. To aim at his enemies, known or not.

His grandfather couldn't be too obvious and show his favor directly, after all, he was to call a council to settle the matter of the succession. But his actions showed who he favored. 

Viserys remained oblivious. Or so he liked to pretend. Most of the time, he was too busy being in love with Aemma. 

This particular season was proving to be intolerable. Finally, after years of trying, Aemma was pregnant again. Both of them were overjoyed at the thought of getting to be parents, yet they were cautious of announcing it. 

Aemma had trouble making her womb quicken, and when it had before, she had lost the babes before they could come to term. She had stated it was not time to celebrate yet, not knowing if this would be the time the babe survived. Viserys, though, was behaving as if the child were already born. 

He stares at the pile of correspondence left, and stops right in his tracks. In the middle of it, there is an unmarked envelope. It's not sealed right. The wax looks like the one from a cheap candle, like the ones used to light up lanterns. Not at all like the ones used to sealing letters. Has anyone been tampering with his correspondence? 

Daemon reaches for the envelope. It feels rough in his hands, made of the cheapest paper. No noble would be caught dead sending their letters like that, not even if they were trying to be not conspicuous by not putting their seal on it. 

He starts breaking the seal apart, when there is a sudden scream of his name. Aemma. Are they being attacked? Is this a product of Corlys Velaryon scheming? 

The unmarked letter falls to the floor in his haste to leave the room, forgotten. Daemon curses Viserys for having picked today out of all days to go pick a dragon's egg for the babe. He has left them undefended. There is only Daemon and a couple of guards preventing Dragonstone from being taken. 

“Daemon!” Aemma repeated. She was not one to call for him, much less so panicked. Whatever was happening, it was bad. Maybe they had her already, and were threatening her at sword point. “Cousin, please!” 

Daemon unsheathed his sword. He worried if the babe would survive. The Maester had told them Aemma was not to suffer through any heightened emotions, and should remain calm and abed. Being held hostage was not exactly in his instructions. 

“Hold on, Aemma!” He screamed. He was a whole floor away from her. Daemon had to move faster, but the crowd of floundering servants were in his way. Aemma would despair if the babe was lost. Viserys had told him once that he doubted she would survive another loss. She wanted to be a mother so badly. 

Daemon had to hurry there, and try his best to get her out, even if he did not get the feeling himself. Children were such irritating creatures. They ruined everything. They were sticky, they bawled, they ruined women's bodies. He didn't see the appeal. But Aemma and Viserys were desperate to have one. 

Viserys didn’t have Aemma's yearning for parenthood. Instead, he had another motivation in mind. He, too, was thinking of what would happen were he to take the throne. 

What a hypocrite, truly. He pretended not to care about getting the Iron Throne, but he thought about it often enough to pressure Aemma about heirs. And now, Daemon could tell Viserys was scared shitless of being passed over in favor of Rhaenys, despite claiming to never wanting the throne.

That was why he was so desperate to get a son. If Aemma carried one, it meant that he was preferable to Rhaenys. There would be no unpleasant floundering about what to do with a Queen if one had an indisputable line of Kings that was assured even for the next generation. 

The babe had to live. Not only for Aemma, but for Viserys’ throne as well. 

“Daemon!” Aemma screamed again. Now that he was closer to her quarters, he noticed that the guards remained on their posts. Only her maids stood near, worriedly hoovering around her door. 

“I am coming!” It was all so very odd. He grabbed one of the maids and shook her. “What in the Seven Hells is going on?”

The woman started blabbering something, but she was too terrified of him to be of any use. Aemma's desperate howls could be heard from inside the room, making every one of Daemon's hairs stand up on end. 

Daemon went for a guard next. He pressed his sword to the man's chin, forcing him to look Daemon in the eyes. 

“What the fuck are you doing here, you piece of shit? Your Princess is being attacked.” 

“The Princess is not being attacked.” Someone cut in. Daemon turned, enraged. In the middle of the corridor stood the Maester. He did not look winded in the very least. If he had hurried here, it did not show. “The serving girls says she is in pain.” 

In pain. In pain, as if losing the babe. Was everyone in this castle a cunt? Daemon fought the urge to scream and grabbed the Maester by the lapels of his robe. He was so enraged that the man was dangling from his grip. 

The Maester's eyes widened in fear. He started muttering something. Daemon did not care. 

“You are going in. Now. Or you will lose your hands. We will see how much you like being a Maester after that.” 

“No!” Aemma screamed, from inside her rooms. “No Maesters! Daemon, please. Something is very wrong.” 

“She doesn't want anyone but you or Prince Viserys, my Prince.” One of the more braver maids spoke. “We tried.” 

“Alright. Alright.” Daemon muttered, but he was unsure of who he was trying to reassure. The maid or himself? He was not good with crying women. The last time he had seen one was when he had taken the maidenhead of a serving girl, after his first time in a whorehouse. Apparently, you weren't supposed to treat virgins as roughly as you treated whores. Well, how was he supposed to know? 

Daemon stamped down his leftover guilt at the memory of feeling even more aroused at seeing the serving girl crying out in pain, and tried to focus. He had no medical knowledge, either. How was he supposed to help Aemma?

“Daemon, by the Gods, hurry the fuck up!” She screamed again. Daemon had never moved faster in his life. A cross Aemma was a fearsome Aemma. 

He opened the door and found Aemma gripping one of the posts of her bed. She was standing, only in her nightgown, and shaking from the pain. Daemon approached her gently, and grabbed her hand. Her skin was cold and clammy. 

There was a teapot on her bedside table. Daemon poured her another teacup and held it to her lips, but she refused. 

“I am losing my babe.” Aemma whispered, eyes filling with tears. “I can feel it.” 

“You are not.” Daemon tried his best to sound and look confident. “There is no blood. There is a Maester right outside, maybe we can…” 

“I feel the cramps, Daemon.” She deadpanned, before screaming again. Daemon flinched, but kept gripping her hands. “Blood will come. I have been through this.” 

It was a heartbreaking thing to hear. Not only for Aemma, but for their chances of getting the Iron Throne. Aemma bawled. Daemon could feel his own eyes filling with tears. What was wrong with him? He had lost plenty of nephews before. 

But he had never watched Aemma go through it before, had he? The treacherous voice in his head said. He had never seen her go through this pain, and neither had Viserys. 

“What do you need?” Daemon asked, softly. “What can I do?” 

“I just…” Aemma's knees buckled. He took on more of her weight. “I didn't want to be alone.” 

“You won't be.” Daemon promised, quietly. Where was Viserys when they needed him? Now, the selection of the dragon's egg seemed pointless. There was going to be no babe. 

No babe. Poor Aemma. She clung to him, and wept. It seemed like hours until Viserys arrived and took her from his arms. His expression was struck, but not with sorrow. Disappointment. Viserys had lost too many babes already to be saddened by that. The disappointment in his eyes was from something different. There was a certain anger in his expression when he looked towards Aemma that clued Daemon in. 

She had failed him. If Aemma had managed to keep the babe a few months longer, if she had birthed him a son….

Daemon left the room before he said anything stupid to his brother. While Daemon was not the most compassionate person ever, Viserys claimed to love Aemma. He should be worried after her health, or feeling her pain at having her dream of becoming a mother shattered. Not worried about the Iron Throne. 

If she was the woman Daemon loved, he would never blame her. Especially not during such a sensible time as this. They were Targaryens. Family came before the Iron Throne. 

Besides, did no babe really mean no Iron Throne? Rhaenys had been passed over once. The reasoning still stood. And if that was not enough, Viserys was their father's heir. That had to count for something. It meant he would inherit the throne regardless if their father managed to sit on it for only a second before keeling over. 

Daemon thought worrying was unnecessary. They had their grandfather's support. The Council had decided on their favor once already. Nothing had changed. Aemma had not had a babe then either. 

But taking precautions was never wrong. Daemon had already started gathering a small force of loyal men. If it needed to be done, he would do it for the happy couple. Viserys, the fool, could never. Aemma was too good of a woman to even think of it. She would make a good Queen. But she would not be Viserys's Tyanna. Daemon would be. 

He went back to his chambers. The pile of correspondence remained as it was when he rushed out, except for the unmarked letter. Someone picked it up and placed it back on the pile. 

Daemon opens the letter. The handwriting is big and round, clearly feminine. It's also terrible. Whoever wrote it never had the lessons on penmanship most nobles had.

“To whom it may concern, 

Do not let Princess Aemma alone. Someone is planning to hurt her babe. Please believe me.” 

The note says nothing more. Daemon curses. 

“A name could have been useful.” He says, to the envelope. It seems too convenient that someone is trying to help them. But somehow, he knows it's an authentic warning. No one had known of Aemma's pregnancy outside Dragonstone. It had been too soon to announce it. 

And the timing of this loss had been rather convenient, hadn't it? Just on the day when his father is at the capital, on the precise morning Viserys was out of the castle, taking most guards with him. The Maester had reacted rather slowly, same as the serving girls. Could it be? Not a genuine loss, but a provoked one? 

It was easy to poison someone. Even easier to switch a pregnant woman's tea with moontea. There had been a tea set in the room. He remembered that. 

Daemon clutched the note and ran towards Aemma's rooms. He burst inside, ignoring the warnings from the guards. 

“Daemon! Have some respect, Aemma is….” Viserys screamed at him, leaping to his feet. He was still dressed in his riding clothes. 

The room was an even bigger mess than when he had left it. There were trails of blood in the plush myrish rug his father had gifted Aemma after the wedding. The woman herself was laying on the bed, undressed and in absolute despair. A serving girl was valiantly attempting to clean her up, and receiving quite a few slaps in return. 

There was another serving girl, taking the remains of Aemma's breakfast. She kept her eyes lowered, never once glancing in Daemon's way, and yet…

Her hands were trembling. She scooped up the teapot. 

“Daemon! Are you even listening? You can't be here, my wife is…” Viserys grabbed him by the shoulders, face twisted into an expression of pure rage. Daemon could tell that he was close to punching him. 

He ignored Viserys, eyes fixated on the girl. She was no older than four and ten years of age, but Daemon doubted that her nervousness had anything to do with that. 

“Girl! Wait!” He commanded, but the serving girl was slipping past the open door and right by him. Daemon tried to grab her shoulder or her wrist, but she was already running away. 

“Guards! Hold her!” He screamed, and tried to run after her. Viserys got in his path. He had no time for explaining anything, no time at all. Daemon shoved the note in his face. “Viserys, let me go!” 

“Not until you tell me what is going on!” His brother's hands closed around his shoulders, effectively restricting his movement. Daemon looked at Viserys’ eyes. He was sure his expression mimicked his, frantic and terrified. 

“Someone informed me of a threat to Aemma's babe.” 

“And you think… That woman….” 

A sudden scream and a thud were heard. The woman? Daemon went to look outside the chamber, but Viserys was blocking the exit. He sighed. No point in sugarcoating it now, even if he wanted to avoid upsetting Aemma even further. 

“Poison.”  Daemon confirmed. Viserys took a step back. The another. He took the letter from Daemon, his knees buckling. 

“How?” Viserys looked lost. Daemon felt no better. He didn't have an answer, beyond the serving girl and the note he had received. Before he could state such, one of the guards he had sent in pursuit of the woman stepped inside. 

“My Prince.” There was a grim look on his face, as if getting ready to be punished. Daemon knew immediately it wasn't good news. “The girl, she…” 

“She fell down the stairs while she ran. She broke her neck.” Another guard said, plainly. “We searched her clothes. Here.” The guard handed him a small glass vial, and a letter, hastily written. It was addressed to the Red Keep. 

Ser: 

It's done.

There was no signature, no titles being invoked, nothing that could signal who had given the order to poison Aemma. 

“What do you make of this?” He asked Viserys. His brother scowled. 

“Nothing. Nothing.” 

“Give me that.” Aemma croaked, from her place in the bed. Daemon had not realized she had been listening in. 

Viserys and Daemon exchanged a glance. Was it truly prudent? Aemma was grieving. But she was also insightful, more than both of them. Daemon had a head for military strategy, not for conspiracy.  

Viserys nodded. Daemon handed her the two letters. 

“We need to find this woman.” She said, after a while. 

“My love, she is dead.” Viserys answered her, looking concerned. Had she missed the guards informing them? Was she delirious? 

“Not her. The one who warned us.” Aemma's tone suggested exactly what she thought about their intelligence. That… Did make way more sense. Daemon felt his face heating up. She was right, they were fools. 

“How do you know it is a woman?” Viserys frowned in confusion. 

“The handwriting. Feminine. She must be a servant, or a very uneducated noble, but then… Well. How many of them are in the Red Keep? Servant is more likely.” 

“What do we do, then?” Daemon asked, if only to hear the confirmation. 

“We go there. And find her.” 

[thiriann]

The Ascension and the sexual implications of it

We all remember the post from a few weeks ago that circled here. I didn't go through with the Ascension from a purely game sense "this is clearly evil " standpoint. I didn't really understand why it's evil or even more why it's sexual. Some analyses have floated around here and tumblr that mentioned it's because "vampires are a sexy fantasy". Well, yes but you're getting a vampire either way, aren't you?

I didn't manage to connect the dots until I started looking into possible ways for him to walk in the sun. It seems the only reliable one is a “Wish” spell. But that seems to turn the vampire mortal again. Now, that didn't sit right with me. If Ascension was changing him, this was even more of an "I'll fix him" situation. But I thought, would he even agree? He's so power hungry probably giving up on being a vampire would be the last thing he'd agree on. But the more I thought about it, the more it became clear to me that he actually has a strong dislike for being a vampire. If you tell him his reflection is a small price to pay for vampire powers he answers "To you, maybe." He loves seeing the sun again, all the colors. He can't see or remember his eyes, which if we take into literary view, eyes being the windows to the soul we could say it shows his disconnect with his soul, with his humanity. He absolutely hates the hunger urges that come with vampirism, saying they make him pathetic and it's the worst version of himself. And of course, the sexual part. He hasn't actually seen any perks of vampirism, just that it makes you an object of desire, a thing used only for sex. That is the only side of vampirism he has managed to experience and that is what he connects it with.

The point in the story that clearly connects his vampire nature to sexuality is the talk with the blood merchant. She is a drow, her society already views men as slaves good for one thing. But she doesn't ask him for sex, she asks him for a bite yet it's just as sexual. It shows the player that vampires are sex objects yet again. But whatever is left of him, of his soul and humanity is very separated from his vampire form. He doesn't take being a vampire as an identity but separates himself from it, calling it an affliction, or condition. So why push him further into nature that he doesn't accept or enjoy?

At many points he mentions there's almost nothing left of the man he was, whatever little is left of his soul, etc. He believes he doesn't have much to offer, especially after sex is off the table. That is why it's so important to remove sex from your romantic relationship for him. While obviously, it's a time for healing, it's also a time to actually connect to the person behind the vampire. The person he used to be before he became a sex object.

And that is the same if you choose his spawn romance ending. You pick the man he managed to remain despite everything that happened. That's why his post-scene at the grave is basically a rebirth of him, of his humanity. While the romance post-scene of the Ascension is a rebirth of you. You chose to reduce him to a vampire, to an object, and even went as far as to objectify yourself as well by accepting the vampire nature. And ultimately, that's all that's left of him, the vampire. The person he was is gone completely.

I'd just like to add that a lot of people like to bring up that they let the other characters make their own choices but that's a weak point. Shadowheart's choice is very influenced by your choices/approval and let's not forget she would actually kill Lae'zel if you don't get involved, you literally have to choose if you sell Wyll's soul or not, and Lae'zel would kill you if you don't stop her.

Also, there is the argument that he wants this. And for that, I can only guess based on my speculations, that despite all the power hunger brought from whatever feelings, survival, fear, selfishness -until the very last moment he hadn't made up his mind. He even tells you this before you enter Cazador's chamber. He won't know what he'll do before he faces him. His turmoil is obvious. You can tell him this isn't him, not really. And he responds that it should be, he doesn't want to be pathetic.

The choice for the ascension never was his, as it never was for him. He himself saw no way out, just like when he was under Cazador. And the temptation that was obviously present at the idea of being just like Cazador. The choice there was for you.

For the player, whether it'd be as a lover or a friend.Do you want the man or the vampire?

[tyrantisterror]

A Dozen Or So Great Vampire Ladies

Ok, so, on a mostly unrelated post the topic of good vampire ladies came up, and @bisexualdaikaiju suggested/challenged me to do a top 10 vampire women list. As a self-professed lover of vampire women, it felt like a challenge I couldn't back down from. But it is kind of challenging, for two kind of contradictory reasons.

First, while there are MANY female vampires in fiction, most of them feel like afterthoughts, getting far less characterization than their male counterparts, who more often than not are the star villains of the show. When these supporting lady vampires do get something to do, it's generally the same role: make their human lovers sad when they rise from the dead as a monster that has to be killed, an emotional beat that is often undercut by a lot of these vampire women not getting much characterization to endear them to us before they died. Everyone wants to have the Lucy Westerna plot beat from Dracula but they don't want to do the work that Bram did to make Lucy lovable. The lady vamps who get to step out of Lucy's shadow are rare - but that just makes them all the more wonderful.

The second problem is that, since this is an obsession of mine that few seem to share (there are lots of vampire fans, but man do the boy vamps get to hog the spotlight among them), I've done a lot of scattered thinking about it and I just know I'm bound to forget at least one excellent lady vampire character that should be here. And whittling it down to ten, and trying to rank them? That's too hard! My thoughts are too mercurial to do that reliably in a way I don't forget!

So instead here's a list of, like, a dozen or so lady vampires that I think are just fucking stellar, many of which I think break the mold of what pop culture makes us expect lady vampires to be. It is not ranked - I love all these characters more or less equally, and think it's a lot more interesting to see how they take their archetype in different directions than to figure out which one is "best" of the lot.

Carmilla Karnstein

I'm going to start with the most famous literary female vampire, Mircalla Karnstein from Carmilla. I think she might be the first vampire to have an unhealthy obsession with using anagrams of her real name as aliases, though I'm sure now that I've typed that someone will find an earlier example to school me. She's also the one who popularized the idea of lady vampires being extremely sapphic, with an arguably genuine romantic affection for her female victims. She's got well-deserved clout, basically, and like Dracula has been adapted countless times and reinterpreted in some excellent ways. My favorite screen Carmilla is Ingrid Pitt's take, which captures her fierceness, passion, and tragic nature so well.

2. Amy from Fright Night

Ok, we're having one Lucy Westerna knockoff on this list, but as Lucy knockoffs go, Amy is one of the best. It actually helps that she spends 90% of her movie as a human, because we get to know and love her so much before she turns monstrous. And once she does...

It is pants-shittingly terrifying. I will never stop raving about the vampire designs in this movie - they made their "game faces" so fucking monstrous and I feel like in a better world this would be the standard ever since, especially since they still gave the vampires pathos while making them so ghastly when they've got their feeding faces on.

3. Drusilla

Buffy the Vampire Slayer had a bunch of vampire characters, and to its credit they did a decent job of making the ladies just as distinct as the gents. Harmony and Darla could both have made this list, but my favorite was always Drusilla, who was so traumatized before she became a vampire that it kind of overwhelms the demon spirit inside her. Like, bare minimum thing to make a lady vampire more interesting than 90% of other female vampires in fiction: give her at least one personality trait, preferably an interesting one, outside of being a vampire. Drusilla's fun, and she survives the entire series after dumping her boyfriend to be a single female vampire. Good for her.

4. Ruby from Scary Godmother

Ok look I am a fake Scary Godmother fan but kudos to the artist of the books for making a lady vampire who's very clearly of the nosferatu mold and is also explicitly benign and sweet. A+ vampire lady character design. I hope it doesn't awaken anything in me.

5. Nadja

What We Do in the Shadows is excellent at finding new takes on vampires in general - it even made me actually like Psychic Vampires as a concept, a feat I thought was impossible - but goddamn do I love Nadja specifically. She's got a distinct personality as vampire ladies go, being very confident and self-assured while also being a complete fucking goober (it is a comedy, after all). She's perfectly capable of being terrifying AND hilarious, often at the same time. A vampire girl failure, in the parlance of our site. I love her.

6. Lady Dimitrescu

I know that she's apparently only in a fourth of the game, but it's still pretty great that Resident Evil 8 decided its mascot villain - its equivalent of the Tyrant, G, Nemesis, etc. - would be the hottest woman I've ever seen a milf an 8 foot tall lady vampire. She's not dainty and willowy like most lady vamps in fiction - not an ambush hunter - but rather HUGE and capable of tossing a human around like a rag doll. She's a physical powerhouse and she looks fine feminine while doing it. Despite being an unabashed blood-sucking monster, she still has enough depth and complexity to have important relationships (like a genuine love for her "giant mass of hive mind flies" daughters), and also she gets to have an awesome transformation into a fungal vampire dragon, which is rad as hell. Also goddamn, her fashion sense is immaculate.

7. Hecate from Hellboy

"Hey, she's not a vampire! She's a goddess! That doesn't count!" Fuck you, my list, my rules. Hecate posits herself as the progenitor and mother of vampires, she drinks blood, and her main form in the comic is as a sicknasty lamia version of the iron maiden used by Elizabeth fucking Bathory, if she doesn't count as a vampire, nothing should. She is the concept of a vampire amped up to maximum capacity, a major mythological figure and an awesome villain.

...also I lowkey shipped her and Hellboy when I was a teenager. They could have made it work!

8 - 12. Carmilla and her girl squad from Castlevania

I suppose I could have counted Castlevania's Carmilla as an adaptation of Miss Karnstein - they're both basted out of Styria, both sapphic, and it's clear she's meant to be an adaptation of the former, just as the Dracula of this show is meant to be a take on Bram's famous vampire. But ultimately they're VERY different characters in the grand scheme of things - Castlevania's Carmilla has none of the tenderness and vulnerability of her literary counterpart, instead being full of barely restrained fury. She is an excellent villain, complex enough to be interesting but thoroughly despicable enough to make it VERY satisfying when she bites it.

I also love her girl posse... in concept, at least. They've all got great designs and the groundwork of interesting characters, but of the the three, only Lenore, the waifish redhead, gets to do much of note. The two on the edges kind of just show up for a few scenes and then bail before the plot catches up to them, doing very little of note - though at least the big hunky one gets one of the coolest fight scenes in the whole show.

Back to Lenore though - she gets a really nice character arc, and manages to become one of the few sympathetic vampires in the series (while still doing a lot of monstrous shit - she is not a defanged vampire by any stretch). I think her death scene is one of the most moving moments in the series finale.

13. Seras Victoria

A good female vampire has at least one non-vampire part of her personality, right? Ok, so, Seras is:

the muscle in almost every scene she is, which is to say, the one absolutely beating the shit out of people while her allies run for cover

the perky henchman/morality pet of one of history's greatest monsters

the sole ray of sunshine in cast of edgy, cigar-chomping grizzled mercnaries and antiheroes she's been pressganged into fighting alongside

the victim of some HIDEOUS trauma even before her vampirization

the protege of a wise master who gets a full hero's journey arc, taking up his mantle at the end of the series

Like, I love her. She's the secret protagonist of Hellsing. She's got layers like an onion. The scene where she killed Zora Blitz reminded me why I love anime.

(yeah it's the TFS version fuck you)

14. Youko Shiragami

My Monster Secret is not a horror manga. It is a romantic comedy about a bunch of idiots trying to keep painfully obvious secrets hidden and succeeding only because almost everyone around them is as dumb as they are, just in very different ways. It is a manga where an entire chapter can be summarized as "all the characters race to get the last McRib, using their various supernatural abilities to try and cheat their way to the front of the pack." It is one of the funniest and most heart-warming stories I have ever read, one of my favorite romances of all time, and an excellent piece of long form story-telling.

One of the two main characters is Youko Shiragami, a vampire girl who can't let anyone know she's a vampire or else her dad will pull her out of school. She desperately wants to have a normal life with friends and, like, school shenanigans, but her fear of people uncovering her secret and hating her is so immense that she's been isolating herself from everyone, accidentally torturing herself by being close to what she wants but unable to actually have it.

At least, until Kuromine, the other main character of the story, discovers her secret while trying to ask her out on a date. He ends up promising to keep her secret, and the two of them form a real friendship that blossoms into a very sweet romance, where Youko gets to display all her incongruous personality traits that go against what you'd expect of vampires - namely, that she's kind of a ditz, with an unrefined style of speech and a complete inability to be suave and seductive. She's a sweet, flaky goofball with a big heart, who just happens to drink blood and tan really quickly in the sunlight. There is no other vampire like her, and the world is richer for her being in it.

15. Marceline, the Vampire Queen

This list isn't ranked, but if it was, I'd put Marceline at the top. I think she is not only the most unique and deeply characterized lady vampire in fiction, but ranks right up there with Dracula in how she redefines the idea of what a vampire can be. Like, look at the forms she takes!

There are DOZENS of different monstrous shapes Marceline takes during Adventure Time's 9+ seasons of television, and any one of them would be a superb and memorable vampire on its own. And she's ALL of them. Just on a design standpoint, she is a standout. I think only Dracula himself could compete.

But she also explores what the concept of what a vampire is in ways no other vampire in fiction can, in part because of the unique nature of Adventure Time's setting. In a world where humans are an extreme minority and most people are weird monsters, a vampire isn't that odd, so we get to explore what being a vampire means divorced from the comparison to "normal" human beings. There's the expected tragedy to Marceline, of course - she's a 16 year old who has been stuck in that adolescent state for hundreds of years, and much of her character arc over the show (including the magnificent vampire-centric storyline, "Stakes") focuses on the horror of being stuck in that transitional state, not quite a child but not quite an adult. Marceline struggles to mature, to understand herself and others, and her vampirism both keeps her distant from reaching those goals but also gives her a lot of time to figure out how to approach them when the opportunity arirves. Marceline goes from one of the most immature and selfish characters in the show to perhaps the most emotionally intelligent, blossoming into a sensitive and thoughtful person she could never have been without first becoming a creature that seems so inherently opposed to ever having those traits.

And she did it all in a children's show where she was rarely if ever allowed to actually drink blood - a problem the writers got around by having her suck the red color out of things, which is right up there with the Joker Venom from BTAS in terms of genius ideas spawned by children's show censorship.

Marceline is the GOAT.

[thegirlwhowatchedeverything]

Pete In S3

(previous post: Pete In S1 and S2)

There's not enough screen time for Pete in S3 (a sad reality for many of our faves due to Cl*ire), but I love he was frequently referenced - a constant offscreen presence which mirrors how much of a reliable partner he is to Nat and the most loyal and psyched to be an honorary Berzatto. Since we still don't know his last name, my unserious head canon is that he took Nat's last name because he was so psyched to marry Nat and be part of her family. I mean we got Cl*ire's last name before Pete's so it's not out of the realm of possibility. Another head canon that I've had since S1 is that Pete's an only child affected to the Berzatto family. Like Syd and Richie canonically, I suspect cousin Stevie based on his I don't have family like this in 2x6, and apparently now Marcus because the writers retconned the brother he mentioned in S2 during S3?

Nat and Carmy simultaneously remind Syd Pete's a lawyer who can look over the partnership agreement for her in 3x2.

Nat knows the meaning of Philosopher's Walk in Kyoto because Pete's a Friedkan fan like Richie in 3x4.

Nat knows violets are the state flower of Illinois because Pete loves flowers in 3x5.

Nat respects Computer specifically because he's one of the few who is nice to Pete 3x5.

Though Nat confesses she's scared Pete might leave her one day (and the overall insecurities she developed in childhood because of her mom), we know he never would. He proves he's her ultimate partner by turning the tables in asking Nat if she's okay instead of her having to ask as she's done her whole life in 3x8.

He and Syd in 3x9 - give me more of these two in S4! They are two of the kindest, most thoughtful characters. Him just fully not knowing how cooking food works, but it coming from a place of not wanting to wake his wife and newborn. Him thanking Syd for making Nat's favorite burnt edges lasagne (also Syd knowing that's Nat's favorite AND taking the time to cook food for her in laws not partner's family, including her pasta and bolognese from 2x2). His response to Syd asking how he's feeling as a new dad: I'm just so grateful. It reminded me of his Thank you for letting me be a part of this family in 1x4. And his words are reinforced by him wearing a Beef t shirt. And him ofc doing what Nat asks by reading over the partnership agreement and sharing the terms for the first time with us and Syd.

[dysfunctionalupsidedown]

An Analysis Of "STurn": My Turn

Hello, everyone! This is my first real post/analysis of anything Stranger Things related, so please keep that in mind while reading. I'm sure there are quite a few analyses about this playlist already (I'm definitely late to the party,) but I still wanted to add my two cents.

Feel free to let me know if any information I've provided is incorrect. My main source is Genius.com, which isn't at all the most reliable; even still, it'll help to give a clearer picture of each track's meaning and how the general public (which includes Finn) interprets them. I'm attempting to go by what I think Finn's intentions were.

Also, don't forget that this analysis was done under the assumption that the "STurn" playlist is a somewhat play-by-play outline of how specifically Mike Wheeler's S5 arcs might happen. The playlist could be entirely unrelated to ST5. It could be related to all the characters and arcs in ST5. It could be out of order, or based on vibes -- We really have no way of knowing until the full season comes out.

Finally, I tried my best to keep the analysis somewhat objective and reasonable, and I hope I've at least partly succeeded. This is all in good fun, in the end. Now that I've finished housekeeping, please enjoy my thoughts and feel free to chime in with your ideas in the comments! I'm always open to changing my perspective.

1. Ballad of the Texas King

Let's begin! This song starts with the lyrics, "No one saw / Nothing at all, no law was there to fight / All dressed down / Walkin' out in the California night". I believe this is a more surface-level vibe-setting song, considering where Mike ended in S4. It may also imply that the start of S5 begins where S4 left off. A lot of car imagery is also present throughout, which was a big part of Mike's S4 journey.

There are ideas of being separated as well, with lyrics like "My heart won't beat / 'Til we meet again together". This may allude to Mike's feelings towards the end of S4, having been separated from Hawkins/his family.

2. What You're Doing - Remastered 2009

Genius.com claims this song was written about Paul McCartney's then-rocky relationship at the time. The lyrics make this very clear, so there's really no alternate angle from which I can read. Let me know in the comments if you interpreted it differently.

In specific, the lyrics "You got me running / And there's no fun in it / Why should it be so much to ask of you / What you're doing to me?", "Please stop your lying / You got me crying, girl", and "I've been waiting here for you / Wondering what you're gonna do / And should you need a love that's true / It's me" really intrigue me. This could refer to Mike's relationship.

The song suggests that the partner may be withdrawing in multiple ways, with the singer grieving over it and attempting to prove their love. El may be starting to distance herself, and Mike could be struggling with it. At the end of S4, El was understandably focused on her failure, to the point where she hadn't really spoken to Mike in the days following it.

I don't think it would be surprising if everything was too much and she ends up pushing herself away from him. I wouldn't say it's implying a break-up, but maybe distancing issues.

3. After The Earthquake

Again, it's pretty surface-level in the beginning. There was a devastating earthquake in-universe, which supports the theory that "STurn" connects to ST5 in some way. The song tells a story, though, and I recommend looking up it's inspiration.

Despite the choice seeming surface-level at first, After The Earthquake may be implying more for Mike in ST5. Genius.com's contributors interpret the song's narrative as, "[Molly Rankin applying the] concept of post-catastrophe clarity to a couple that got into a major disagreement before one of them falls into a coma from a car crash... In a metaphorical sense, [the song] could describe a more mild situation in which Rankin must put their conflict on hold because something more important turns up." I don't think it's too far-fetched to say that Finn picked up on this. The idea of a disagreeing couple and coma is also prevalent in ST, but like I said in the beginning, I'm going to try to connect these songs to Mike Wheeler specifically.

Although this may be me reading too deeply into it, the metaphorical meaning of the track pairs pretty well with the implications of What You're Doing. It also fits in well narratively, considering that more important things are happening aside from the drama -- the earthquake being one of them. Mike could be putting all of his current issues (internal-conflict-related, relationship, or otherwise) on hold for the moment. He continues to struggle with suppressing his problems later on in the playlist, as well.

4. Promises I've Made

This song is about mourning a lost or ex-lover. The opening lyrics, "Ever since you have gone, the days don't seem so bright / And I wish I could forget you but I can't / Ever since you have gone, I haven't felt quite right / And I promised I'd forget all that you meant" address this quite directly.

At this point, it's possible that Mike has either been broken up with or the pair have gone their separate ways for some reason. It wouldn't be too crazy to say something like that will occur and he'll grieve it, keeping in mind that one of Mike's main fears is losing El. I just don't know why they'd continue to make it the subject of conflict in S5 (unless it hasn't been fully resolved yet.)

Physical distance between the two also makes sense when considering that Mike is, supposedly, teaming up with other characters next season. Personally, I'm leaning slightly more towards a break-up because of what the previous songs have set up, but, ultimately, it's up to interpretation. It's possible they've just been physically distanced while in a bad spot.

5. Angst In My Pants

This song is about a person attempting to be someone they're not, suppressing who they really are, and it ultimately leading to dissatisfaction. The lyrics, "You can dress nautical / Learn to tie knots / Take lots of Dramamine / Out on your yacht" describe a faux lifestyle one lives that only serves to hurt them in the end: The idea of putting on a self-harming persona. This could be what Mike is going through in S5, and his teased wardrobe change from S4 supports this.

The lyrics, "I hope it doesn't show / It'll go away / It's just a passing phase / It'll go away" and, "I hope it doesn't show / It'll go 'way / Give it a hundred years / It won't go 'way" are particularly fascinating and can have multiple interpretations.

For one, it could be Mike trying to hide his real personality following Eddie's death and the collective panic by acting out a more "normal" and "idealized" life -- painfully repressing his true self in the process. This is supported by the lyrics I first discussed. Hiding and embracing differences is a theme in Stranger Things, and I wouldn't be surprised if this is where they take Mike in S5.

Another interpretation involves the previous lyrics, as well as, "But when you think you made it disappear / It comes again, 'Hello, I'm here'". This sounds more like someone trying and failing to suppress a thought. Coupled with "It's just a passing phase", it appears to be a feeling or belief instead of someone's true personality, although I do believe that's a big part of it, too.

Whatever it may be, Mike is definitely struggling with something at this point. He's pushing it down, hiding it, and hoping "..it doesn't show" and that "It'll go away".

6. The Better Side - Audiotree Live Version

Half way through! This one gave me more of a challenge because there aren't any written lyrics to analyze. From what I can gather, the track is about a person yearning for someone who is a better fit(?) The lyrics that best support this interpretation are, "You're on the better side / You're always the better one for me" and "Don't make me do the falling when I'm drinking of you". Again, if you have any alternate interpretations, please let me know. I'd like to take all ideas into account.

The final lyrics are interesting, "And you're all that I need / I'm not gonna miss you anymore". This can be read as the narrator longing to accept a person into their life and bring them closer. I'm especially interested in the final line because it implies there was something to miss, as if an emotional rift or gap was there.

Mike has come to a realization about something, as shown in Angst In My Pants, and it might partly be about a new thought he's trying to push down, "It'll go away". It's possible the "thought" is about newly developing feelings he isn't ready to accept(?) I don't want to say for certain, though. Nonetheless, it seems like he recognizes this person's importance and "better fit" for him, despite trying to repress it. A fairly surface-level read, but it's the only conclusion I'm able to come to.

Alternatively, it might be about El. The distance apart could be what gets him to solidify how he feels about her. However, Angst In My Pants and multiple songs establishing a separation precede The Better Side. The track is about a better option, as well. Those facts alone make me think of this interpretation as unlikely, so it's not one I personally hold.

7. Don't Ask Me to Explain

Don't Ask Me to Explain is about two people who are afraid to confess their true feelings to one another, so instead they hide them; with one of the two seemingly more uncertain. It's also, from what I've researched, supposedly about two people of the same gender. There's a possibility that this is irrelevant to the track's purpose in the playlist, but I kept it in mind considering the other songs and my personal interpretation. It's also important to note that these "true feelings" could be about a multitude of things.

The lyrics, "How will I ever know you enough to love you / If you're hiding who you are?", "How am I supposed to let it show / When I don't even know?", and, "Besides, I don't want to be the one who's coming out first / I'd really like to but I'm just too shy" support this reading.

I interpreted the last line, "It's so easy to laugh to myself / And pretend that I could love you but I can't" in two different ways. Either it's the narrator doubting their feelings for someone else, or it's the narrator recognizing that they can't let themselves embrace their love for someone, for one reason or another.

As for Mike, his progression makes the most sense to me in the following interpretation. There are multiple and, again, please let me know your ideas in the comments. I narrowed it down to just the one so I don't start nit-picking.

Mike went from a realization, "It's just a passing phase / It'll go away" (Angst In My Pants) to a sort of acceptance, "You're always the better one for me" (The Better Side) to struggling to admit it out loud, "How am I supposed to let it show / When I don't even know?"

An LGBTQ+ or "new love interest" interpretation is what I'm able to gather from this. It could describe Mike falling for 'someone' and not knowing how to be open about it due to fear and doubt; with the other person feeling the same way. It may be a surface-level reading, and I'm sure there are several other ways to interpret the track, but that's what I've been able to conclude thus far.

8. What Do You Want Me To Do?

This one might be the most difficult for me to figure out, but I'm going to try.

The song and the lyrics, "You walked out, took your chance / You turned your back on our romance / You said you found somebody new / You said the change'd do you good" and "You never even gave me a thought / You figured that would be all right / I nevеr had a chance to persuade you / You nеver let me put up a fight" remind me a lot of What You're Doing.

One way to look at it is that it might have the same purpose as What You're Doing -- adding a sort of angsty frustration vibe. I don't know if it would be used to set up a "come crawling back" moment because I don't think that would make sense (especially in Stranger Things), but it's a random possibility I'm throwing out there.

Alternatively, the 'person' that Mike has feelings for could have rejected him for someone else(?) Again, I don't think this would make much narrative sense in Stranger Things, but we don't know what the next season's going to look like.

I'm personally reading it as the former because there are other songs in the playlist used to set the tone. Keeping What You're Doing and Promises I've Made in mind, an additional break-up song is on theme. There's still the possibility of another conflict, though. If anyone else has different thoughts on what the song could be implying, I'd appreciate the input.

9. Substitute - Live

This track is about an idealized version of someone being put in place of their true self. The narrator describes a scenario in which their partner sees a version of them, "I'm a substitute for another guy / I look pretty tall but my heels are high / The simple things you see are all complicated / I look bloody young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah", that is unrealistic and put on, as seen in the lyrics "Substitute your lies for fact / I see right through your plastic mac / I look all white, but my dad was black / My fine-looking suit is really made out of sack" The couple also seem to be having issues with this, or in general, that they're not addressing, "It's a genuine problem, you won't try / To work it out at all, just pass it by, pass it by"

The concept of a guise applies well to Mike, as referenced in Angst In My Pants. A recurring theme of hiding oneself really makes me think Mike is going to completely abandon his interests for a different lifestyle. I believe Finn has also mentioned that Mike wants to be as "normal" as possible, so I can't wait to see where they take that idea. It could also be him realizing how he's been acting, and admitting that this "romanticized" version isn't true to him. I have hope that Mike will eventually learn to embrace his differences and what he enjoys.

While this part is a bit nit-picky, I feel it's fun to mention that the song was inspired by a lyric in The Tracks of My Tears by Smokey Robinson; the lyric being, "Although she may be cute / She's just a substitute". The line following this (which is also referenced in Substitute's Genius.com entry) is, "Because you're the permanent one". Funnily enough, these lyrics also fit into the narrative the playlist is laying out. They remind me a lot of what The Better Side represents.

Out of context, the lines from The Tracks of My Tears may imply that someone is either using another person as a substitute for an ex, or that someone is realizing they've been using their previous partner as a substitute for someone better. Both routes have the potential to happen in ST5. Although, I don't know if the idea of a literal substitute fits with what The Who was going for. The Tracks of My Tears is also not on "STurn", so take this part as a fun fact with a grain of salt on the side.

At the end of the day, we don't know Finn's motivation for adding Substitute, so this is what we'll have to go off of for now. I feel as though the former interpretation, a less literal "substitute," holds the most merit considering the theme of personas.

10. The Rebel Kind

Like The Better Side, I couldn't find any lyrics, so I'm doing it by ear. Though, I'm happy to say that this song is about a desire to embrace differences and rebellion. "We'll be free to run with the rebel kind" and "It's not easy, but I don't mind / I just want to run with the rebel kind" establish that. The track appears to tie into Mike's insecurity struggles throughout the playlist.

The lyric "They call us the rebel kind" hints to the panic brewing at the end of S4. Mike might start to embrace and stand behind his true self at whatever point this is in the season. The line following, "But they don't understand / The things a man must do to prove that he's a man", can be taken in different ways depending on how the lyrics are read.

It could be the narrator's struggle to keep up with societal norms before finally giving in to their truth instead of trying to conform, read as "they call us rebels but don't get how hard it is to for us to keep up." On the other hand, it could be the narrator commenting on how society doesn't understand people like them, and, by embracing their true self, it proves more about who they are than conforming ever would; read as, "you think we're the rebellious ones, but you don't understand that we're more self-secure and strong than you'll ever be."

I can see both of these interpretations working for Mike and his connection to the Party. The progression of insecurity in Angst In My Pants and potential realization of this guise in Substitute is wrapped up by Mike's self-acceptance here. I really hope this is how it plays out in S5.

11. Block Rockin' Beats

There's not much to analyze because this track has one repeated line of lyrics, but it's definitely here to set a tone. The song may have a similar vibe-setting purpose as What Do You Want Me To Do? and Ballad of the Texas King. That's just my theory, though. (A ST5 theoryyy!)

Perhaps this is a climax of sorts where the cast fight the "big bad." The music's tone is intense and sort of aggressive. It's definitely a fun addition to the playlist, whatever the song's purpose in it may be.

12. Just What I Needed

Finally, we have Just What I Needed. I read this song in two different ways.

The first way I interpreted it was as a love song about the narrator not caring about who this person is, and realizing they need them in spite of it all. The lyrics, "It's not the perfume that you wear / It's not the ribbons in your hair / And I don't mind you comin' here / And wastin' all my time", "Cause when you're standin' oh so near / I kinda lose my mind, yeah", and "I needed someone to bleed / Yeah, yeah, so bleed me" support this.

The second possible reading is that the narrator realizes they were/are in a codependent relationship and they still love the person. The lyrics, "I guess you're just what I needed / I needed someone to feed / I guess you're just what I needed / I needed someone to bleed" and "I don't mind you hangin' out / And talkin' in your sleep / It doesn't matter where you've been / As long as it was deep, yeah", could be read as more of a "you're what I needed at the time, but I still love you and want you in my life." With this reading, it's unclear whether or not the love is romantic or platonic. Maybe I'm looking too far into it, but this is what some Genius.com contributors brought up, and it would feel wrong to not include this understanding of the song.

I'm just assuming, since The Rebel Kind seemed to tie up Mike's self-security problem, that this track is supposed to imply a resolution with his romantic issues. Under that impression, there are a few ways we can look at it.

It could be an acceptance for who he has feelings for. He went from mourning a loss in Promises I've Made, noticing something and hoping it goes away in Angst In My Pants, potentially coming to terms with the fact that this person is his "better" choice in The Better Side, wanting to admit a truth but feeling doubtful in Don't Ask Me to Explain, comprehending that he's able to embrace his authentic self in The Rebel Kind, to now admitting, possibly out loud, that this person was "just what [he] needed". That could be far-fetched, but it's just what I picked up on throughout the playlist.

However, it may also pertain to his self-identity struggle that's hinted at throughout (can you tell that I love this part of Mike?) while also tying into his romance issues. He went through a difficult separation with someone in What You're Doing and Promises I've Made, put on a persona and suppressed his true self in Angst In My Pants, realized he couldn't keep it going and needed to address it in Substitute, embraced himself in The Rebel Kind, and now recognizes that the relationship may have been codependent and holding him back from fully dropping the facade: "I guess you're just what I needed" -- in the moment. I don't know if that's too in-depth of a read, but it's a possibility.

While not relevant to the playlist in it's context, it's fun to bring up the fact that Just What I Needed was apparently also the final track listed on the 'official' "Will's Castle Byers Classics" playlist created by Spotify. It's not available anymore, so I can't really say it as a fact. Although, recreations of the playlist have been made long before "STurn" was a thing, and the song was added as the last track as far back as 2018. I suppose that's proof enough that it was at least on the playlist.

Finn listing it as the final track may be a reference to "Will's Castle Byers Classics", but it's also likely that there's no association. That's why I gave the song an equal amount of analysis instead of writing it off as a reference. As to how canon those playlists are, I don't think it particularly matters. It's true that Finn could've seen Just What I Needed in the Will playlist and put it on "STurn", thinking of it as a fun easter egg. There could or could not be implications for that and I'd be remiss to ignore it. I don't know if this rings true for any of the other songs on "STurn" as well -- if they're connected to any other character playlists. Feel free to let me know if they are!

TL;DR

This was really hefty post, and I apologize for that, so here's a summary/recap of what I think S5 may have in store for Mike Wheeler.

Summary:

The season likely starts off at the end of S4, with us seeing Mike react to everything that's happened in Hawkins and reuniting with his family. Tension or unresolved conflicts may be arising in his relationship(s) as well, but he puts it aside to focus on the more important tasks at hand. Either his relationship is put aside with this, or there's an eventual separation that occurs, and he mourns it. After, he tries to maintain normalcy and puts on a guise to appease others. During this time, he may start to have a realization about something that he attempts to repress. He eventually comes to terms with it, though, recognizing that there's someone (maybe something?) better for him. He wants to admit to these true feelings, but he'll struggle with hiding, doubting, and fearing them; thinking he can't allow himself to fully love this person or, at least, admit to whatever feelings or "truth" he possesses. Mike will most likely continue to struggle with mixed feelings and hiding his true personality after this, eventually admitting to not being fully authentic. He'll then accept his true self for what it is. This will lead into a climax, where the main conflict of the show will be resolved. Finally, he'll accept and admit his true feelings, realizing that all he needed to do in the end was be entirely honest with (and about) himself.

In Conclusion

I really want this to be where they take Mike in ST5. It would be such a satisfying thing to watch, especially with how he's acted the past two seasons. I think he deserves to have a self-love/acceptance arc because the show has made it clear he's insecure and inauthentic.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know your thoughts and interpretations in the comments, as well as if there's anything you think I should add/fix. I'd love to hear what others have to say about "STurn" and it's connections to ST :)!

[ofstardustanddreaming]

comforting ways

preference summary: one way they comfort you when you're sad.

content warnings: none

fandom: the hobbit

characters: bilbo, tauriel, thorin, fili, kili, dwalin, bofur, thranduil

gender neutral reader

Bilbo: He knew you had been missing home along the journey, and tried his best to cheer you up. He would pick flowers that reminded him of you, he would talk with you under the starry sky next to the warm fire. He wanted to keep your mind off of things, but if it also meant being a shoulder to cry on while you did want to think about home. He's a sweetheart about your sadness, he also understands missing home, so he'll give you stories to help with relatability.

Tauriel: She would take a walk with you around the palace gardens if she wasn't on duty. She would listen intently while you talk about what it was that was on your mind. She would hold your hand lightly, rubbing soothing circles into the back of it. She would offer suggestions if that was what you were looking for, or she would offer words of comfort. Once you've gotten most of your sadness out into the world, she'll pull you in for a small kiss to try and get the rest of it.

Thorin: He would move the stars and sky if he could, to make you happy. He's more a man of action than comforting words. He would wrap his arms around you, pressing his lips to your forehead. It doesn't mean he wouldn't add some words of comfort, mostly whispering I love you's and Go ahead, I've got you as you let your emotions go into his shoulder, whether it's crying or quietly venting. He's just better at listening, and providing a physical comfort.

Fili: He was a mix of sweet words and soft jokes. He wanted to show you he was a reliable, safe person to come to when you're sad, and he'll do sweet things for you. He'll make you something warm, or wrap you up in something warm as well. He'll play with your hair, and lets you lie down on his lap while lightly stroking your side. He knows that sometimes silence, with the occasional words, with another person in the room is all it takes to ease the pain in your heart, little by little.

Kili: He would hate to see you sad, wanting to take the pain of your sadness himself. He would crack jokes, giving you his best puppy dog eyes to not be so sad. When he sees you crack a small smile, he feels relieved. He knows that sometimes your mind needs to be taken off of whatever topic it was on, but then he'll listen to what it is you want to talk about if it's what's needed. He'll plant small kisses around your shoulders and head as you talked, to remind you he was there.

Dwalin: He's a man of few words and more action as well, like Thorin. He is a little unsure at first though, what he should do to comfort. He'll sit silently near you, hovering, wanting to let you know he was there for you however you needed him to be. When you look up at him, wanting his comfort in the way you wanted, he wouldn't hesitate in getting closer and pulling you in tight. He was gentle with his hugs, but he made sure that you knew he would always be there for you.

Bofur: He would break into some soft songs, or hum, while having you leaned up against him to feel the vibrations. He would eventually get carried away, leading to a whole dance routine, and it would make you feel better with his happy approach to a lot of situations. He would pull you in afterwards, wondering how else he could help ease your sadness, and would do what it is you wanted. Whether it was hearing stories of the journey, or talking through your sadness.

Thranduil: He would check you all over, to make sure it wasn't an injury, feeling more secure in taking away a physical injury than an inner feeling of sadness. He has a harder time with emotion, but he's gotten better when fretting and constantly asking if you were doing any better. He would eventually calm down, realizing what you want is just him holding you and giving you comforting words. He would draw a bath, to help you feel more comforted from the heat as well.

[myfairkatiecat]

NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE, BUT i HATE KEEFE SO SO MUCH AND IM WONDERING (GENUINELY) WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT HIM BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE THE APPEAL

ALSO YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THIS IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE OR BUGS YOU SORRY IF IT DOES EITHER/BOTH

Hey anon! Those are some strong feelings you've got there!

This is a tricky question to answer since a lot of the things that make me like Keefe's character make some people dislike his character, so you might be about to get a list of all the things you despise about him by asking me what I like about him. I like him because I think he's a good character, and way better written than people give him (or Shannon) credit for. I don't always love Wattpad Fanon Keefe (perfect boyfriend, super sweet, always says the right thing) because it erases so much of his character. I like canon Keefe. He's a raw character with a lot going on and a whole slew of well-developed character traits.

Before I jump into this post, however, I want to say one thing: I think a lot of people who dislike Keefe are mostly frustrated with Shannon's portrayal of his character flaws, and I don't think they give Shannon enough credit for the way she's intentionally written Sophie as an unreliable narrator. It's rather clear during different parts of the series that Sophie isn't the most reliable narrator, and Shannon also explicitly writes in the margins of her annotated KOTLC book that she used a certain scene as an example of when Keefe takes his jokes too far. Sophie forgives him without even an outright apology in that scene, but Shannon makes it clear in her annotations that she, the author, isn't writing it off. I don't own the annotated so I can't remember the exact quote, but it's my biggest case for why I think Shannon has intentionally written Keefe with these character flaws, as character flaws, and yes, Shannon sees them as character flaws and has said so, so for the purposes of this ask response here, let's assume Shannon Messenger is aware she's writing a flawed character, because I do think it's rather unfair to her how often the people of the fandom accuse her of brushing by Keefe's actions when in reality she's just writing Sophie Foster as true to her character as she can.

With that, let's jump into this little essay about Why Keefe Is An Awesome Character And I Love Him that I've writtten for you!

My AP English teacher always used to say, "characters are more human than humans." I believe the purpose of this quote was that well-written characters exemplify what makes us human—our love, our experiences, our regret, our strengths and flaws—in ways that connect strongly to the audience. Part of the reason so many people like Keefe's character, I believe, is because they are able to connect strongly to him. This is because he is written as "more human than humans," as my AP English teacher would say—even though technically, he's not a human, but an elf.

One major strong point of Keefe Sencen's character is that his strengths and weaknesses are often wrapped up in the same character traits. This is something that is true for many people. For example, my politeness in real life social situations makes me a lot of friends, but too often can turn to people-pleasing. A good character, in my opinion, should have both strengths and flaws stemming from all of their major character traits. Here are a few of Keefe's:

His humor

One major aspect of Keefe's character is his humor. Whether you personally find it funny or not (I think I found it a little funnier when I was eleven... I'm sorta growing out of some of it, though his wittier comments in the latest books are more my style, which might be a sign of both me and the character maturing) it's an enormous part of his character. As a major character trait, it presents both strengths and flaws.

Often, he brings levity to heavy situations that the other characters appreciate. One instance I remember is in Flashback. They were preparing for a confrontation, and I don't remember what it was that Keefe said, but Sophie narrates that she appreciated the moment of comedic relief, because it eased some of her anxiety. Keefe is able to take intense moments and settle them with quick-witted (or hilariously not funny) comments. This is likely a skill he adopted in order to handle the crushing pressure of being in his own home as a kid. (Fitz, contrastingly, adapted the skill of just holding lots and lots of weight, bending and bending and bending until he finally breaks. Not to make my Keefe essay about Fitz, of course, but I know someone is going to point out that Fitz also dealt with a lot of pressure at home, and wanted to point out that he developed somewhat unhealthy coping mechanisms as well, they're just different from Keefe's.)

However, sometimes his jokes are unwanted or go too far. Shannon comments on this specifically at the end of the first book, where Keefe makes a joke about how he helped save her when she almost died, and then sorta trailed of when he realized he was talking about her almost-death. Shannon commented in the margins that this was a moment of Keefe experiencing awareness that his joking has gone a little too far. She hasn't released annotated editions of any later books, but I'm confident that at least a few other scenes are examples of this as well. Sometimes I run across them during a read through and I'm like "huh, it's interesting to have a good idea as to what Shannon was thinking writing this." Sometimes, his constant making light of serious situations really isn't funny to anyone, and it keeps him from accepting the gravity of what they're doing, likely contributing to his reckless behavior.

2. His intuitive communication

Something to notice about Keefe is that even though he's often socially unaware, either in ways that indicate his childhood trauma or just his emotionally immaturity as a teenager, he's very good at knowing exactly what to say for his intended goal. That intended goal isn't always necessarily something he should want, mind you—we just talked about how his need to lighten the mood sometimes causes problems, and he knows enough about some of his friends (cough Fitz cough) to know exactly what words will hurt them the most in an argument as well.

This can be a strength for him, especially when he's comforting Sophie. Since he can feel her emotions instinctively, he often knows exactly what she needs to hear. He's actually incredibly sweet at times, especially in Legacy (I mean... there are other issues there, which I'll get into another time). For example, when he's telling her the reasons Bronte isn't the worst possible father for her to have. There's nothing inherently great about the specific way he comforted her, but it did ease some of Sophie's queasiness, because he knew what she needed to hear. Also, there are the scenes in Legacy where he's telling her that Sophie Foster is all she needs to be, or the scene in Everblaze where he reminds her that no matter who her parents are, she's still going to be exactly the same person she is, and they can't change her. Keefe is really good at knowing the right thing to say. (This might have stemmed from walking on eggshells his entire life aroud his parents!)

However, this also makes it really easy for Keefe to be manipulative, or lie, or say the completely wrong thing on purpose. The best example of the first two was when he somehow convinced everyone in just a few sentences that he totally wasn't going to go to Loamnore with them. Somehow, the guy famous for not doing what he's told convinced everyone he was going to do what he was told, and the thing is, it wasn't even unrealistic. He gave really good reasons that it made sense for him to stay back, and even made jokes about it, about how he and the others not going were "too cool for Loamnore." He had everyone convinced he really wasn't going to be reckless this time, when he totally knew his plan the whole time. The famous Unlocked healing center scene is a great example of the last one, because Keefe got upset with Fitz and knew exactly what to say to make him the most upset and embarassed in that situation. He only even took back the words when Sophie became upset as well. He and Fitz are in... not an awesome place in the latest books, and his POV reflects that.

3. His courage

Let's be honest. Is Keefe a runner? Yes. But when he runs, is he running from a fight? Nope. Never. One of the major instances of this guy running away actually put himself in a ton of danger. He doesn't run for cover, or safety. He runs usually out of fear of himself, his relationships, or that he isn't able to help in any other way. If we really look at his character, Keefe is incredibly brave. All of the KOTLC main cast is. They've got guts. But a lot of the others have a more guarded sort of courage, while Keefe's is... well. Not guarded.

Keefe doesn't think things through, and sometimes, there isn't time for that. Sometimes, immediate action is necessary, and Keefe is great with that. Quick, in-the-moment plans are his specialty. He's not afraid to stand up to people who want to hurt him (*cough* Dimitar scene *cough*).

But he's also extremely reckless (*cough* Dimitar scene *cough*). Because his courage is less guarded than his friends (such as Sophie's or Biana's) he may be more inclined to carry out his plans quickly, but he's also more likely to not think things through fully and end up putting his own life at risk, and sometimes even his friends' lives, even when he's trying to help.

4. His caution and fight or flight instinct

To everyone who ever said Keefe's character is flat and his strengths and flaws never develop or change, what version of KOTLC are you even reading?! Like I mentioned above, Keefe's recklessness is a huge part of his character since book one, but now I'm here about to talk about his caution/obsessive worrying/the famous running away, specifically the second time. This is a relatively new character trait for him. It develops slightly after Lodestar/the first half of Nightfall. Keefe truly did learn a lot from leaving for the Neverseen and lying to Sophie before going to Ravagog. We're given an extremely limited window into this process, since Sophie had other things going on and Keefe's short story focused a lot on his crush on her, but Keefe noticeably steps back and stops trying to turn things into a "Keefe show" (as Sophie puts it in Nightfall) and attempts to work more as a team, which is definitely character development again. However, where he really learned his lesson was Loamnore. He showed up, again going behind Sophie's back and coming up with a plan of his own, and it ended with Sophie tied up on the ground and him being forced to undergo a transformation that gave him powers he's terrified of. While his recklessness didn't entirely vanish after this (his response in the end was to run away to the literal Forbidden Cities) but is definitely flavored with siginificantly more caution and an attempt to be genuinely responsible.

In Unlocked, Keefe noticeably asks for people to be kept away from him, including Sophie, so that he can keep from accidentally controlling anybody. He also stops using his voice entirely. These are actually incredibly selfless things for him to do. He loves to be with his friends (particularly Sophie for reasons) and he loves to talk! And neither of those things are bad! But he isn't willing to put them in danger. In fact, he actually sort of overdoes it in Unlocked, even asking for Dex to make him an ability restrictor. (While he's well-intentioned here, I think Keefe brushes past the idea that making one of those again might be something of a traumatic experience for Dex.) In the end, he's so worried about it that he runs away, but he does it with considerably more of a plan than he did when he joined the Neverseen. He knew he'd know the languages, he arranged a way to get his hands on human currency, and while Unraveled isn't out yet, the state in which they found Keefe along with some of the things Keefe described about his experience make it clear that Keefe purposefully learned a lot about human cultures and successfully blended in and made his life work.

His newfound carefulness paired with his classic instinct to run really encapsulate a lot of his character strengths and flaws. In the later books, it's actually a sign that he's developing as a character and moving away from some of his past character flaws, but like all well-written major character traits, it comes with its own drawbacks.

Another important aspect of Keefe's character is the way he is noticeably shaped by his own experiences. I mentioned the whole "being more human than human" thing earlier, and while yes, he's still not human, I think this is part of what makes so many people connect to his character. He's realistic. He has even more strengths and flaws than the ones I've mentioned above, and all of them obviously come from somewhere specific in his past.

Why is he so chronically unserious? Because he couldn't be serious enough for his family. Before he met Fitz and started spending time with the Vackers, he didn't even really have friends. He had a suffocated home and impossible expectations, and when he tried to live up to them, he just wasn't good enough. So he adapted to break the tension. He adapted to just... not try ("those who don't try never look foolish" -Fiyero in "Dancing Through Life," from Wicked. I think Fiyero is... very Keefe coded) and started skipping classes, breaking the rules, playing pranks and doing anything to cut through the tension. He dealt with pressure by tossing it off his shoulders and just deciding to not deal with it. Obviously, deciding to Just Not Deal With Things eventually began to hurt him, and he slowly and painfully begins to learn to have difficult conversations (but hey, at least he's getting there? I think Neverseen is where his development in that particular area becomes apparent, with the way he opens up more and even admits where he's really beginning to feel guilty).

Why is he such a master of knowing what to say? Because he grew up walking on eggshells around his parents. And when he decided to stop caring about his parents, he weaseled his way out of trouble whenever possible, and learned to use other people's emotions to learn things from them and get his way. "But Katie," you say, "reading other people's emotions without permission and using them to get his way is a very not good thing to do!" You're very correct! And it's an enormous indication of how skewed his view of normal is. What's the one Empath he grew up observing? His father. Look, he knows his parents suck, but because his parents suck, he has no way of knowing what is and isn't normal. Is his father doing this particular thing because he's a horrible person or because that's a normal thing to do? How on Earth is Keefe supposed to know?! Well, there are rules about telepathy, and there aren't any rules about empathy, so the external indications seem to tell him that this particular thing is normal. This is yet another example of Keefe's life experiences having a huge impact on his character.

Why is he so reckless? Because he doesn't care. Even his his most noble moments of bravery stem from the same place of not caring what happens to his life. It's the same reason his deep care for his friends' lives turns to quickly into self-sacrificial tendencies (which show themselves in canon on numerous occasions and usually don't even help). He has this "better me than any of them" mindset that's deeply rooted in his childhood trauma. Even though he's fought tooth and nail against everything his parents have ever said about him, he still has this ingrained sense of worthlessness. The way he says he "doesn't care about permanent damage" and tells Sophie that he's going to make sure he's always the one who ends up wrapped up in bandages and also has that moment in Unlocked where he wants to retreat into the darkness and never wake up? Look, we all know he needs therapy, but maybe reread that last sentence. ...Keep reading it until you get it.

And finally, what makes him finally learn to be cautious? Because he sees firsthand how his reckless plans are impacting the lives of other people around him, and if there's any negative trait that Keefe is NOT, it's selfish. Keefe may be occasionally selfish—you know, case by case basis, like most people—but it isn't a character trait of his by any means. He struggles significantly more with not caring about himself than he struggles with not caring about others. So when he realizes it isn't only his own life he's putting on the line, and sees the way it's hurting his friends, he takes an enormous step back, and even runs away for a time. Now, it would be great if he would start caring about himself too, because this poor guy needs therapy and his level of self-deprecation at this point is way out of control. But it is the case that he cares about his friends a lot (if someone quotes this part and brings up Fitz, I'm going to point out that their friendship has fallen way out due to actions and reactions on both sides of that relationship) and ultimately it ends up adjusting the balance in his character traits and their related strengths and flaws.

In short, Keefe is a lot of things. He's good things, he's bad things, he's consistent things. He reads like a real person—someone who frequently makes the same style of mistakes but does learn and grow over the course of his life. Every character trait of him stems from some aspect of his past. Shannon didn't write him with a slew of random personality traits—each and every one of them ties down to who he is and how he's shaped by his experiences. He can be a truly amazing friend. He can be a really horrible friend. He can be sweet and amazing and say the perfect thing. He can say the wrong-est possible thing with the intention of cutting the other person deep. He's a slow learner, but he learns nonetheless. His character development isn't a smooth arc in which he has trait A, event B happens and at the end he has trait C. That's common in storytelling, but not real life. Keefe learns, grows, then makes the same mistake again, then learns stronger. His character development sees both growth and setbacks, and the changes are subtle. He's still the same person even when he changes.

He's good things, he's bad things, he's consistent things, and I think it is out of an awareness of our own humanity that so many people relate to him and therefore enjoy his character.

I hope you enjoyed this essay, anon. Believe it or not, I actually have plenty more to say about any of these topics, and some other topics that I didn't even bring up, so if you want to see even more, just direct me towards what you want to hear and I assure you I'll have thoughts. Have a wonderful day!

[copperbadge]

I always enjoy writing updates on the royal family in these books, but I am having such fun expanding Simon's character and writing his banter with Ylias. I haven't gotten to write an older character who doesn't start out visibly struggling, and Simon's just kind of a dude who loves romance and enjoys being functionally king of chefs in Fons-Askaz.

Simon and Ylias had what I'm calling a "Ene-meet" over some cheese and the next time she saw him she called him Mr. Ricotta (I may try and make this better -- I'd like some kind of French pun where she basically calls him "white guy" while also calling him some form of cheese) and while they've since mostly buried the hatchet because they have to work together on the Reclamation Day festival, they are both enjoying pretending they're still smarting over it.

"Can you do all this..." Ylias gestured at their lists, "for Reclamation Day and also do the catering? Because I feel like we do throw around at least enough weight to make someone else take that over."

"Hm, there is a lot to supervise. A practical consideration, thank you," he said, absently flipping through his own notes. "I will find someone reliable enough to serve His Majesty but also young enough to still be impressed by the request. Which leaves remaining only the cooking competition."

"Not to complain, but this seems like a really random thing to have at Reclamation Day," Ylias said. "It's not a village fete or something."

"It began as a sort of grudge, years ago," he said. "Two cooks had a dispute; they declared to decide for one or the other on Reclamation Day -- in public, with the public's help in settling the matter. It proved very popular, and of course if there are a dozen people all competing, the results can be sold for funds for charity."

"So we're supposed to set this up, set the theme, and source the judges," Ylias said.

"Set-up is already arranged -- the judging tent is always in the same place. They only have to bring in their example of the challenge recipe and lay it out."

"I guess it's a little on the nose for this year's theme to be like...an Eddie Rambler classic recipe."

He smiled. "We may consider it but also, consider: are you aware of..." his voice dropped. "The Trash Tower?"

She nodded.

"Imagine a tent full of examples of Shivadh twists on the Trash Tower," he said.

"It doesn't look like Dante's inferno, but it doesn't not," she said. "Maybe another thing we want to ask about at the next meeting?"

"I think so. For judges, usually a member of the royal family, but also then someone who knows food, and sometimes a famous person if one can get one."

"Can we?"

"I would as soon not," LeFevre replied, which Ylias couldn't argue with. "I think perhaps for the royals, Princeps Joan would like to judge. Or if her fathers would prefer she does not, Duke Gerald. He would pretend it was his little one judging, give her some of everything to try, pretend he knows what she says. Very funny."

"Want me to tap someone with food chops from the town?" Ylias asked.

"Yes, but speak with me before you ask them, just to be sure."

"Yep, I wouldn't mind a road map to all the faux pas I could make," she muttered.

"Ah, well. I wouldn't let anyone cut you; I've already seen you at your worst and it is frankly somewhat mild," he said.

"I think I'm almost more insulted about being considered mediocre than I am that you won't let it go," she replied.

"We all need time to recover our wounds," he said gravely. "Another few years, perhaps, and I will begin to consider healing."

"Man, I didn't know calling you Mr. Ricotta would devastate you so completely."

He closed the notebook with a snap, smiling.

"And I must somehow go on, and fetch my groceries," he said.

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

What are some pro-team green fanfics you would recommend?

Ohh I've been meaning to recommend a few! Most of these are Aegon-centric because I'm generally more interested in him than Aemond, but there are a couple Aemond fics in here as well, and at least one that's Alicent centric.

a poison tree by @branwendaughterofllyr is a Dance retelling in which Daemon and Viserys' younger brother Aegon lived and had a daughter, and that daughter ended up being raised with the green children. Branwen tells a compelling story with great attention to historical detail, and although the story is green leaning, I feel it is fair to both sides. It has many POVs and really tells the story from many different angles, some some reliable than others.

My co-author @aifsaath's series The Skies Are Always Red Above Valyria is an entire Dance retelling that starts with Alicent as a lady at court before her marriage but eventually will progress to the Dance itself (and involves our beloved Baela/Aegon pairing). Aife's fics always feature impeccable worldbuilding and lush descriptions, so check them out.

The Wrath of the Queen by @florisbaratheons has just started but is very promising, featuring a more proactive Alicent who gets a cooperative if reluctant Aegon on board with her plan to put him on the throne following Driftmark, as well as fully fleshed out versions of the Baratheon and Lannister sisters. After seeing Cassandra Baratheon and Jason and/or Tyland Lannister cast as antagonists in dozens of Dance fics it's nice to see them get a fair shake.

The Dog Days Are Over is a Aegon/Helaena fix-it by @franzkafkagfn which they escape to Essos to start over with the kids. She also has another Aegon/Rhaenyra fic that is I'd say slightly more green slanted simply because much of the rest of the canon black faction doesn't exist per se.

This one has been on hiatus awhile but In The Ripe and Ruin by @kingsroad will forever have my heart as the first OC fic I ever got into, featuring gorgeous worldbuilding and one of my favorite iterations of Aegon. He's awful but also incredibly endearing. According to the author it's not going to be super canon divergent, and OC is Aegon's mistress through the Dance! Crossing my fingers that the author returns soon!

Would That They Were Not is a one shot by @navree that deals with Blood and Cheese and Aemond's feelings of guilt in the aftermath. It's heartbreaking! Blood and Cheese happens here the way it does in the book so if the show ends up changing it and you want an idea of how it might have gone down, this one is very faithful.

1968 is a modern AU by @inthedayswhenlandswerefew In which the wife of presidential candidate Aemond Targaryen, who is running against Richard Nixon in the 1968 election, forms a connection with the family screw up, his older brother Aegon. This is technically a readerfic (hear me out!), although I'd really call it a 2nd person POV because the "you" is a fully fleshed out character more so than a reader insert. I do not usually go for readerfic but opened this on a whim because the history teacher in me saw the premise and went "what on earth" and proceeded to be blown away by delicate character work, symbolism, and gorgeous prose. I actually got several friends who do not usually enjoy Dance fic OR readerfic fully invested in this one. Is it pro green? I guess? It's not set in Westeros and Aemond is a real POS but Aegon is lovely and the blacks don't really feature so I think it counts.

[pinazee]

And down the stretch comes murder

I wanted to take this moment to highlight the adorable child actors they got- Liam James and Carlos McCullers II. They are so perfectly cast as Shawn and Gus and they do such an amazing job! Im so impressed by them 👏👏

The whole spitball incident really highlights the differences between Shawn and Gus’ ethics. Shawn feels guilty for thinking he got the wrong spitter and ruined Jimmys life while Gus actually did it and feels no remorse at all. Perhaps it’s because Jimmy tortured Gus more, but it’s also come up a few other times i believe, that Gus is not above revenge nor is always willing to do the right thing if it interferes with his safety or his own code of justice, whereas with Shawn it’s like he can’t rest until he’s made things right. This, in addition to the ways he looks out for people (helping Lassie solve a case without him knowing, helping juliet find some kids without getting paid, standing between Gus and a gun), I think is why i tend to be more drawn to Shawn. I love tender-hearted morally just characters. Im not saying he’s always riding the high horse (pun intended), simply that at the end of the day you know he’s going to do the right thing. Don’t get me wrong, i love a morally ambiguous character too, and if I’m honest Gus’s outlook is certainly more realistic, but if i had to pick a favorite, i want the reliably good and wholesome over the self-serving. Not that im saying Gus is selfish at all, but of the two Shawns more our hero, even compared to his own cop father. I think Juliet is the only one who comes closest to matching that above and beyond heroism. I think the only reason she’s a step below is because Shawn simply notices others more. Thats all. If Juliet had Shawns abilities she’d be just as on top of it as him, probably more so. Actually she might get overwhelmed by seeing it all and not being able to help everyone. I think it’d be really hard for her to ignore sometimes. Which, okay I’m going down a tangent, but do you think Shawn had to learn to shut it off sometimes or like, learn to walk away? Cause i imagine day to day Shawn’s seeing people dealing with grief, abuse, or pain and with as kind as he is, it must be hard for him to ignore. Like if you’ve ever seen Daredevil, I’m imagining a less dramatic version of that haha

Henry will take any opportunity to point out Shawns failings or try to make him feel less than. Shawn tells him he’s there for a case and instead of asking him about it, Henry goes right back into you never could be a good handicapper because you lack the patience and follow-through it takes to put the time in and research. Also, the line “i let him talk to me” just doesn’t sit right with me even if the guy did turn out to be a skeeve. This kind of stuff makes me think Shawn either learned how to respect people from his mother or refused to treat people like his father. Probably both, though i hate to give her credit for anything haha

Look at his smile when he sees Lassie feed the horse. He’s so warmly amused by him. I wasn’t a Shassie shipper originally (as i just didn’t ship ppl in ye olden days) but i think I am now. I see it guys, I get it haha

These scenes are what makes the episode for me! I love them! We get to see both Shawns interacting and how he utilizes his vast memory, taking a peak into his mind palace so to speak. Plus he literally answered that common question of if you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self? (“Think big!”) I know they never really intended for this to be like a deep scene (nor expected certain fans to overanalyze it haha) but i like how he approaches the kid version of himself with a certain degree of amusement. Like I imagine if i was seeing my young self I’d probably be rolling my eyes at my sheer stupidity, but Shawns a lot kinder to himself haha Also little Shawns line “I thought I’d be bald by 20” was fucking gold! I wish I had better words for why this works so well but all i have is that it does and its brilliant.

Nice try Psych, your Canada is showing ;)

Heres some completely irrelevant info. The difference between a dreamcicle and a creamcicle: both are orange flavored, but dreamsicles had an ice milk center while a creamsicle was ice cream. And dreamsicles are no longer made.

I like this addition to the background. Its so cute. (Sidenote: this screenshot makes it seem like Shawn is the babyfaced assassin)

P.S This is the second episode ive seen him hold this frog. That is all.