#also songs about just. finding urself/find that you are a person

[honeytonedhottie]

becoming an academic weapon challenge⋆.ೃ࿔*:･✍🏽

this is a fun little challenge i created that'll hopefully help u to build good academic habits that'll improve ur grades and help inspire you to pursue excellence in ur academic life.

STEP ONE : ROMANTICIZE THE HECK OUT OF SCHOOL

when u learn to enjoy going to school, your going to be motivated to do well in school. because school is so IMPORTANT not only for ur education but also ur future. so take school seriously. and if u wanna become an academic weapon for the long term the best thing u can do is learn to make the best of, and enjoy it.

some ways to romanticize school :

create a school playlist that embodies the school vibes that u wanna have : i have lots of new jeans in my school playlist : i rly like the songs cookie, ditto and hurt for when im at school

ur appearance : if u go to a school where u dont have to wear uniforms, i strongly recommend getting dressed and getting ready meticulously bcuz when u look good, u feel good, and therefore u perform well. if u do wear uniform, wear accessories or hairstyles that make u feel and look pretty. i wear leg warmers with my school uniform and my signature is hair clips and barrettes.

read at school : i always walk around with a book bcuz i like to read a lot but if reading isnt ur thing, listen to a podcast about something that interests u (i rly like true crime)

take pride in ur notes : invest in cute stationary! i swear, sometimes i dont feel like studying but since my stationary is super cute and pink i get motivated to study just by looking at it lol. invest in quality stationary that u love and make ur notes look pleasing to you, and also effective. effective + aesthetically pleasing.

doing homework/studying in the library : or at least changing the scenery and location that u do ur homework from time to time. do yk how boring it is to do work in the same place every single day? give urself a break from the places u see all the time and spend time studying or doing homework outside of ur home. in a cafe or in the library, inside or outside, just change the scenery a bit

start a video diary : i started a little video diary with my friends so that we can remember our school memories. i just think its rly cute and a great way to bond with ur friends, make memories, and romanticize school.

STEP TWO : CREATE A STUDY REGIMEN

every single day study (at least for a little bit) ofc this will vary depending on ur personal schedule but the goal is to do a little bit of studying everyday, and if that isnt possible, designating 3 days a week to a thorough studying session.

the way that i divide my time with a study session is 40 minutes of work time and 20 minutes of downtime. during the 40 minutes of work time u need to LOCK IN. lock in on whatever assignment needs to be complete or lock in on whatever material it is that ur studying. ofc this'll differ between all subjects but dont study all subjects in one night!! thats ambitious, but i find it'll just burn u out so stick to studying for 2-3 subjects max.

STEP THREE : ADVOCATING FOR URSELF

this step is for everyone who feels a bit shy during school but u need to raise ur hand and ask questions!! dont focus on simply learning the material, the goal is to understand the material. understand it enough so that then u can explain it to someone else. thats how you can know when you've studied enough.

dont feel bad for asking a bunch of questions, its literally the teachers job to help you. so advocate for urself, if u need extra classes or a bit of extra help make sure that u get that for urself bcuz at the end of the day the only one responsible for ur grade is you.

STEP FOUR : THE RULES OF THE CHALLENGE

complete every assignment as if it was for a grade - dont half ass ur assignments, give every assignment 100%

study a little bit everyday or have thorough study sessions three times a week

romanticize school

ask one or more questions per teacher

FURTHER RESOURCES :

how to study consistently without burning out - by me

studying tips from a straight A student - @universalitgirlsblog2

[junnieverse]

— DRUNK BOYFRIEND JUNGWON ! 💭

➙ drunk boyfriend jungwon thoughts

pairing: yang jungwon x gn!reader

genre: fluff, crack

request: " Um hi!! Im jst here to tell u that i absolutely love ur drunk bfs hcs, ur an amazing writer and person, take care of urself and drink water too! also can u pls do drunk jungwon hcs im so soft for him "

warnings: lowercase intended, mentions of alcohol/drinking ofc, not proofread, jungwon's crying

a/n: hi anon, you're so sweet, thank you so much angel, I hope this hc makes you go even softer and maybe laugh a little too haha. I imagined jungwon being a little like j-hope drunk, start off super energetic and then you're all quiet and sad after a while for no reason (sorry this is a little late)

jungwon was someone who never really enjoyed drinking much and preferred to just have a cola or some water during occassions where his friends were drinking

having been informed by him that he would be having a little birthday celebration for heeseung back at their dorms, you thought nothing of it

what you hadn't expected was a text from jake informing you of your now drunk boyfriend

having arrived at the dorms you find your boyfriend next to jay, seemingly sober?

"Well he looks completely fine to me." you tell jake looking at your allegedly drunk boyfriend

"Oh that's when you know he is completely wasted. He looks okay, but a few minutes ago he was crying talking about how worthless his life would feel without you."

upon hearing that the young man actually cried soon raised some concerns

having seen you, the once quiet jungwon became lively and ran up to you squeezing you in a tight hug

"(Y/n)! You're here! See I told you they still love me." jungwon says to his older member

"All I said was they're gonna be late-" jay mumbles rolling his eyes at jungwon

cupping his face, you check to make sure he was okay and his eyes did happen to be red from crying as previously mentioned

"Wonnie, why were you crying sweetie?" you ask him softly as he suddenly sulks

"I got sad because I thought of what would happen to me if I didn't have you." he briefly explains holding back more tears

the members tried to fill you in with the events of the night leading up to your arrival

jungwon had had a few shots to drink and was acting his normal self, singing to the songs and dancing

soon after he got far more quiet after a few more shots where he silently watched the members enjoy themselves and he looked like the life was sucked out of him

jay happened to notice his friend was more quiet than usual and when he asked him what was wrong he just bursted out crying catching everyone off guard

they weren't used to seeing jungwon get overly emotional like this, let alone crying about how much he loved you and you meant everything to him

jake knew you were the best person to call, just to reassure his drunk friend that you would always be with him

your presence definitely did the trick because jungwon was starting to cheer up

ofcourse he wanted to drink more but you made sure to give him water instead to drink

he spent the rest of his night cuddled up with you up until he passed out

waking up the next morning, jungwon notices the the groupchat bombarded with videos of him crying while singing to Let It Go from Frozen

the first and last time he cries in front of them he thinks to himself

[huellitaa]

hello hello huelittaa 👋✨ do u have any tips for someone struggling with motivation to workout? or even to take a simple walk? thank uu 🤍

bee's physical activity handbook: motive 🎀 . ݁₊ ⊹

hiiii ml!!!!!!!! 🫶🏻🩷💗 sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days BUT IM HERE NOW !!!!! honestly this is something i also struggle with myself ,, i am still recovering from depression personally so this is still difficult for me sometimes too but these are some things i do !!!! ♡

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 1. prepare urself for the possibility

so since i know i have this problem a lot, it helps me to be prepared for this in advance. i actually have a whole notion page filled with a table of letters to myself in specific situations i find myself in a lot, this included, and have a whole archived stored of cute photos and motivation and things like articles and videos and tumblr posts on the main page and in the letters that make me wanna get up and do shit and its my LIFESAVER. (should i make a post on this?)

but i'd suggest to keep a note or page or document , physical or digital, filled with just motivation for this specific thing, like things you like about it, photos romanticising working out or going outside, songs that motivate you, etc etc etc. the list goes on but you get the point ♡

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 2. detective chapter: analysis! ♡

figure out why you dont want to. this is the main thing that helps me and its so simple but once u figure out the root u figure out the rest and this applies just the same here too. is it laziness? mental health? exhaustion? overworking? burnout? you won't be able to continue until you haven't found the actual problem. it's like trying to travel with no path to travel on.

💭𓂃 ࣪˖ 3. pep talk!

one thing i do that helps me the most is literally just lay in bed or wherever you are where ur procrastinating and thinking about this over and over and going back and forth whether to do it or not is to force the thoughts out (literally. u can envision it if it helps!) and deadass bully myself into doing it 😭😭

(🗒🎀 note: i've also found it helps for some people to do this in the mirror, just so ur face to face w urself as it were. plus u get to admire urself at the same time so its a win all around)

if ur not into harsh motivation, another thing i love, esp when im not feeling great enough to deal w harsh motivation is pretend ur giving advice to a friend or ur child in this position. this is one of the greatest pieces of advice ive ever gotten i literally cannot stress this enough. do this‼️ p.s. you can do this in ur head or out loud. i usually do some mix of both because i am a professional at talking to myself constantly literally all the time

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 4. use gratitude in ur favour!

one thing i like to do is essentially guilt trip myself into doing it. erm. you can also call this gratitude it sounds a lot better. think of how grateful you are to even have the opportunity to go outside safely to go for a walk, to be able to work out and keep urself healthy, because there's always someone who's not going to be able to do those things. it is a privilege to live your life and this should be classed as one too.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 5. all about the outlook

another thing i love that falls into the category of motivation is treating it as an act of love and luxury rather than a chore and changing ur outlook on it. for example,

"oh, i have to do this or i'm a failure" or "i really don't want to do it today"

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ into...

"i deserve to do this for myself because i deserve to be taken care of and kept in good health."

and i find this makes me so much more open to it because you do deserve it.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 6. romanticism; obviously!

okayyyy i know you hear this EVERYWHERE but ‼️its‼️because‼️its true‼️ romanticism is my LIFE not a day goes by where i dont act like im a silly girl in a pink girly shoujo world, and i do this even more so when i dont wanna get up and do simple tasks like this.

some things that give me motivation via romanticism is getting dressed up and cute even if i'm just going for a walk and listening to music and appreciating the world (🗒🎀 note: i love taking pictures or going on different routes whenever i go for walks! it makes the experience so much sweeter and more enjoyable ♡), or putting on cute clothes, loud music and grabbing a pretty waterbottle and hyping myself up to do even just 10 mins of pilates because something is always better than nothing!!!!!!!!!!!

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 7. something is better than nothing

with the last note from my previous point in mind, try and always do just a little bit, even if it's not the amount you intended. say you wanted to workout for 20 minutes every day, but you really weren't feeling it today? do 10 instead. this way ur still doing something. we always have tomorrow. take it at ur own pace. you wanted to go running every day? just go for a walk. you can always try again. there is no limit on how many attempts you have with these things. this is always better than just doing nothing at all. this is basically finding the middle ground when you do these things. which leads me onto my final point ,,♡

✨️𓂃 ࣪˖ 8. finding the middle ground

the no.1 thing in all of this is please don't beat urself up for it if you don't feel like it sometimes, but still keep to it as best as possible. say for example you really didn't want to one day but you had no real reason not to, you should still do it. but if your emotional or physical health or anything like that is in a bad place right now, then allow urself to skip for a day or two. dont beat urself up over it, but keep to it when and where you can because i know its difficult sometimes ♡

all my love, and u got this!!!!!!!!!! 🩷🫶🏻💬💗🎀

[haolovre]

Secrets hidden in you

“they all say that park seonghwa, the most popular and dangerous person in the school doesnt have a heart, does he?”

student!ateez

this is fiction so no one actually is that mean to each other

this series can contain:bullying, beating up, blood, fluff, drugs, smoking, swearing

1k+ i think idk cant do math

masterlist

first day

well new experience for everyone, ur new highschool. u were nervous but have u every been this nervous in ur life. no, never in ur whole life

life.well the day has finally come. ur standing infront of ur school, with ur uniform on. u walk up the stairs to enter the school. ur trying to find ur first class.

monday

| class one 9:00 - 10:00 am | subject: math | class 0-7

| class two 10:00 - 11:00 am | subject: chemistry | class 2-4

~break 11:00 - 11:30 ~

| class three 11:30 am - 12:30 pm | subject: history | class 1-5

| class four 12:30 - 1:30 pm | subject: biology | class lab/0-10

~break 1:30 - 2:00 pm lunch!

| class five 2:00- 3:00 pm | subject: arts | class 2-2

~ study session until 6pm

large list huh. well u better get going yn ur going to be late to ur first class.

ur finding class 0-7 pretty easy. ur already on the correct floor now just the class. 0-3,0-4,0-5,0-6,0-7

got it! u open the door. u might had just turned deaf. there was so much noise u cant hear anything. then

“stundents get in ur seat class about to begin.” everyone going to their seat. ur just frozen in place. “oh we have a new student here well then please introduce urself” as u look into the classroom with a bunch of eyes looking at u “uh well hi, im yn” not so bad huh” oke yn u can sit over there were haeyoung is sitting. heayoung please raise ur hand” oh their its pretty far back next to the window, pretty good spot huh. u walk over there. but then u felt a leg next to urs, as the person wanted u to trip. u walked over the leg and went to ur seat.

“heyy, im haeyoung, well the teacher said that already wanna be friends, u can join my friend group, dont worry we love new people!” “mhm sure i love too!” well there is ur first friend. “Heyhey yn right im sooha, also one of haeyoungs friends, nice to meet u girly” “heyyy” well there is the second friend. but u felt u were watched. u noticed someone staring at u.

“girly u need to know some basic shit in this school, oke first DONT go to the friend group there” haeyoung pointed at a group over there with 8 boys and 5 girls” the boys called them self ateez dont try to mess with them, most popular and dangerous boys in the group. and then we have the pick me’s- oh i mean newjeans, the girls only want the boys of ateez. literally pick me’s and if you get close with one of the boys that they like well u have some new enemies.” mhmm new info

” oke so in ateez we have: kim hongjoong, the leader. he’s pretty smart but not the smartest. he bets with the boys on which gets that girl first, so if ur ever the target just reject them:), oke next

park seonghwa: the prettiest, most popular because of his looks but still watch out he is quite strong.

next jeon yunho: smartest well one of them, this guy is one of the more friendlier guys in the group.

next kang yeosang: dont mistake him with his face. one and two and ur on the floor.

next choi san: chestnut, well he looks like one, he looks scary but he’s really not if you get to know him better he’ll be a cutiepie, i don’t actually know but people say that.

next in line song mingi: also one of the handsome guys, dont get me wrong butbthe do look good. he’s really of a scardycat but still he’s tough.

up next jung wooyoung: looks like a cutie, he isnt be afraid, well funfact i dated him, pretty long 2 years and we ended with good terms i do have have someone. up me tail. haerin but i get to that later.

last one choi jongho:strongest, this man can break a apple either his hands so dont become that apple. he’s also the youngest of three group.

now pi- newjeans” haeyoung signs for abit after giving u alot of info

”minji, the oldest one she’s pretty obsessed with seonghwa so watch out.

hanni: leader,maybe one of the nicer onces but she does have an obsession with hongjoong.

danielle: most obsessed with mingi. also most delusional.

Haerin: pretty shy but like wonyoung , there isnt alot of info about her, but she is the nicest i heard.

hyein youngest and is obsessed with the youngest/ jungho.”

“thats pretty much it what u need to know”

“mhm okee” you might have a headache after all of that but its oke because now u know what to expect

*thring*

thats the bell “oke students we didnt did anything today as we got a new student so no homework”

u get up from ur seat only to sit right back down again. theres something hanging from his collor

choi… san

“can i help u?” abit of a silent then he left weird….

“Uhm what the fuck happend” you heard sooha say “i dont know but lets gaur”

well u tried but the u got stopped by ateez and newjeans “a new student huh” “dont worry just dont mess with us and u wont hear from us ,got it?” “mhm” u tried to leave but u get stopped by a mascular arm. “stop right there” u get shocked how close this guy is to ur face, his perfume smells like lavender” ur the girl i tried to trip smart one huh” u saw his id

park. seonghwa

“well ig u can go now new student, see u around” he said

u walked out of the classroom to see haeyoung and sooha looking at u if u have any bruises “im fine im fine!” haeyoung and sooha looked at each other confused “they didnt hit u or anything” “they do that to all the new kids here” oh. well ig ur lucky.”oke then let’s gaurr” u three go to ur new class. and that was chemistry. chemistry was just boring and writing notes. now it was break!

u went to the canteen to meet all sooha’s and haeyoung friends. to ur surprise their werent alot. u thought bc their both pretty talkative they have more friends then this

“ohh was this the new girl u were talking about sooha, she pretty. oh how terrible of myself , i forgot to introduce hey im jang wonyoung and im in class 8-3”

“i agree with u woo she’s pretty, well hi im yeonjun class 8-2” “oh my yes she is, heyy im rei class 8-3!” they explain their friend group whats called txt and the girl group ive. and together there txi (tomorrow by ive) u guys talk the whole lunch to get to know each other.

well u know that txt is in basketball team. and ive in the cheer club “ well the cheer club do need new people” jiwon said. “maybe yn can join, she has the looks and she looks sporty.”

“oh hehe~ thank u i do figure skate so maybe why not try cheer?” “yesss! i have the form here just write everything down and i think u’ll join! ill make sure of it hehe” well day one and u already joined a club! “do watch out for the pick- no newjeans their also in the cheer club. they wanted to go in bc ateez does basketball to” sooha said. well then hope that goes well “i’ll give the paper to my coach and i’ll have an answer tomorrow!” “okeyy”

“Thringgg*

next class is history, u walk with with sooha and haeyoung to ur class, but when u guys stepped foot out of the canteen .

a fight. u see mingi smoking a cigarette thats almost all used up. danielle is fighting some girl from another class. “i think she forgot that she cant have mingi” haeyoung said. u see mingi to that girl on the ground and put the cigarette butt on her skin. u heard her scream in pain “that what u get to try and ask mingi out” danielle shouted. the rest of ateez laughed. u three go around the group and to ur class. u get puched to a locker “well, well new one tch ur not going to tell a teacher right.” u see his id

yunho.

u stand up again now facing the tall figure. “couldnt u just asked and not throw me to some random locker.” “really have some temper to say that huh” “didnt u heard about us yet, you might joined mid in first term but u dont have anything special” he comes down to go to wisper something in ur ear. “dont worry ill love to see u cheer for me” u push him aside so u can go to ur class, haeyoung and sooha were watching from the hallway next . “There pain in the ass” u said “we can hear u sweatie!” hyein shouted. u turned around and did a *oke* with ur hand. u smirked seeing there faces,and whent up the staircase. u arrived on time in class, well now on the ground, ateez tried to get on time and poor u get squished by hongjoong

you hissed as the sudden heavy weight on ur back and the touch of the cold floor

“u really had to do that” u said while facing hongjoong “well i didnt want to be late so yeah. u signed and went to sit next too sooha.

history was about the revolutions. also a test next week… “students second semester is coming up so do be prepared for the test week!” and like that class ended.

You and sooha went to the next class ass haeyoung had a other class, biology ur favorite subject and ur best subject.

“oke everyone! u guys get partnered into groups of three, i already made the group and ill show u all on screen.” he shows a list of names. u searched for urs well well i guess bad luck ur group is seonghwa and beomgyu, well i guess good luck too, ur with a friend. “oke everyone sit with ur group at a table.” u and beomgyu sit together and seonghwa sit at the other side. Minji is complaining that she wants to go with seonghwa , but the teacher doesnt alows it.

“u all will make a poster about sea creatures, that why i named the group with the sea creature ur doing!” Great ur doing it about jellyfish. “Oke so me and seonghwa do have basketball practice today yn is it oke-“ “yeah sure its fine” “u didnt even let me finish” beomgyu said, “dont worry u guys go to ur training” “u can come if u want so ur not alone “ seonghwa said, u were kinda shocked that he said that” oh really dont u think i’ll be a bother..” “no dont worry just newjeans is there too, they always watch us. But u dont have to talk to them” seonghwa quickly added, seonghwa was maybe pretty decent u thought. Well biology ended, u guys had a oke start.

Now its time for lunch! sooha was asking so much, and she was kinda suprised when seonghwa asked YOU to come to the basketball practice. The girls were excited for u to go. What was weird because u thought they hated each other. u go to ur group at the canteen table. U guys talked for a bit and then boom a fight, another one

“WHY WOULD U LET HER COME TO UR BASKETBALL TRAINING,U BARELY EVEN ASK ME” minji shouted at seonghwa’s face “well we do have a project together and beomgyu is also at practice so she could watch her teammates play while she does some work.” He said to the smaller figure. “but oppa~~ im the one who’s special right” minji whines in the hope that seonghwa would not invite u anymore. “no.” he said coldly to her face, minji’s jaw hitted the floor and begged seonghwa for forgiveness for shouting at him”man got another dog ahaha” san said to wooyoung.

as the tall figure felt something in his pocket. A love note from .. minji” god dammit minji shut the fuck up with these stupid ass notes” “but oppa~-“ i have enough of u.” “Oppa please give me one more chance” “last fucking chance then, get up my nerve and ur gone” the group walks out of the canteen. “Damn someone is jealous” soobin started. “Never they actually fought also in the group” sooha said,

*thringgg

well last lesson is art so it isnt that bad. u arrived at ur class sitting with haeyoung and sooha. u guys grab some paint, brushes and a palette. U guys sit down to make ur art piece, but ofcourse it has to be u that gets paint all over urself because of wooyoung. “Oops sorry hehe~ u do look pretty with the painthehe~” now might be asking what for color it was. It was ofcourse white. U signs as u get the paint of ur face unknowingly someone had taken a pic with u and ur paint on ur face. u go wash it off want went to finish ur sketch

ur sketch:

** not made by me credits to the owner**

u were pretty happy how it turned out, it was u playing the guitar. u hand it in. “Wow yn u did a great job its very detailed im very proud!” “Thank u miss”

some came from behind and hand in their drawing

** not mine!! Credits to the owner!!**

“Wow great job seonghwa u did great, this does remind me of someone but i cant recall” “aww thank u miss i took inspiration from when i was in the library” “great job seonghwa keep it up!” U looked at the piece of paper what seonghwa gave to the teacher. U were impressed by his art skills as u thought he doesnt. A voice said something to u “uhh hey yn, ur still coming to my practice right?” Seonghwa asked u that “yeahyeah i have time! But ill still work on the biology project so dont worry we’ll have it done by tomorrow” u smiled, seonghwa looked happy as he heard that ur coming “alright! Well see u there and dont only spend time working on the poster that can happen anytime” “i will i will dont worry”

u left the classroom.. not even a few seconds and ur on the ground. “U really think seonghwa wants u because he’s inviting u to his practice hm? Well ur wrong he wants me and me only”

minji shouted at u” well bitch i dont think that, so dont worry u can keep him” but minji didnt hear u i guess. She splashed water on u and the rest of newjeans laughed. “HAAHA look at u. Look so desperate to get seonghwa” . As the girls doesnt know that seonghwa was watching in the corner. “Bitch dont get close with seonghwa, got it?” as she was waiting for a reaction,

as u wanted to punch her but dont want to get in trouble for ur first day, u left. as u heard them laughing at u.

U went to the bathroom to dry urself. U texted beomgyu when the training starts, 3:10 pm, ur about to be a little late but u grabbed ur zip up jacket and went to the practice with headphones and that piece of paper

. U saw txt on the coart. “Heyy ynn, happy that u came” yeonjun said happily “yeahh definitely now i can flex my skills” kai said “man u think ur good im better then u” taehyun said “dont mind them yn go sit on the bleachers ill meet u after the practice” beomgyu said while taehyun and kai were still pickering who’s better.

U get up and sat somewhere. U grabbed ur phone to search some info, u also saw ateez and newjeans together saying stuff to each other. “Man she actually came” jongho said “yeah never thought she actually come.” San said “ well dont focus on her, she isnt in the cheer team we are” hyein said

“ well i did heard that she got accepted for the cheer team” hongjoong said”WHAT she cant be that good” minji said “uractually kidding me that new girl got in. “ danielle said.

“EVERYONE STAND IN LINE” the coach said “ new jeans went to the other bleachers. U looked at the coart seeing yeonjun and beomgyu waving at u. U waved back.

the coach did a name check to see if everyone is here. Then they started with the warming up. U heard newjeans shouting and cheering for ateez. U were a little busy with figuring out were everything should go.

But when u got the hang of it u decided to watch the practice. U saw that the teams were uneven. The coach yelled “ if one of the girls can join this group” pointing at txt “ please come on coart” as txt were looking at u, u thought u should join them. U did had basketballed in ur life but u werent the best at it. U came down from the bleachers and came on the coart

“ ur clothes are fine, thank u for joining them” u heard booing from the bleachers, it was of course newjeans. U tied ur hair in a ponytail. “Oke yn can u go in front so if something goes wrong it isnt the end of the world” soobin exaggerates at the end, “ yeah dont worry!” U saw soobin in the center with mingi.

As the coach trew the ball to up. Mingi gave soobin less space so he couldn’t jump that high. The ball came to san. As u rushed to him u managed to get it put of his hands. Now ur tribbling to the basket, the only person that separates u with the basket.

jeon yunho. Well u tried but didn’t manage to go far as yunho is like 2 meters and ur 1.65 meters. U tried to get the ball back. But failed, newjeans laughed and called u bad. Soobin managed to get the ball and passes it to u. Now theres the same person infront but u said u could so it. U tribbeled around yunho and jumped to make a layup. And u.

Scored!! “TWO - ZERO POINTS” u saw txt shocked and happy faces. “ YEAH YNN GOOD JOB” “THATS OUR YNN” “UR GOOD” u thanked them and went back into the game

after some time it was 15-15 . A tie. U guys were all sweating, and the other team too, also in that time ive came and watched and cheered u guys on. This point is the winning point. U tried to get the ball from hongjoong but failed, u turn back to try again but failed again. The tall figure tried to shoot but u blocked it and caught it. Now u tribbling to their basket.

U saw seonghwa infornt of u but u easily past him and made a layup, it didnt went in sadly. U passed the ball to yeonjun. As he passed to soobin and he to u again. U tried again and u missed. U cussed at urself for not scoring.

“YN UR SO BAD HAHAHA” u heard from the bleachers. That gave us motivation to win this match. U got the ball from taehyun and went back to the basket to try one more time. And u scored!! *wistle* “TEAM ONE HAVE WON THE MATCH”

u and the boys cheerded as u guys won the match “YN U DID ITT” the boys were going to change. as a tall male figure came up too u. “Never thought u even could do basketball” u looked up and saw seonghwa. “Never thought u guys were so bad” seonghwa looked at you annoyed “well tomorrow lets do the poster, ive done a little bit” “hm alright then” u walked out and went home.

next day

[lovebvni]

Hey! I don’t know if you do readings for free or not, feel free to ignore this if you don’t, but I’m wondering if I could get a reading on manifesting/shifting?

I know I have the ability to do anything and I truly believe that, and yet every night when I go to sleep with the intention to shift, I still wake up aware of my Cr instead. I feel like I’m stuck, because I know nothing but me is holding me back but I don’t know how to make it so I’m not.

Also, I saw one of your other reading things, what do you need to know about me? I’ll put some basic personality stuff though.

very creative, like to sing/draw/write ,believe anything is possible, kinda hate myself, love all people and have a large amount of caring for my fellow beings. <3

Thank you for taking the time to read!

-Parrot

hellooo parrot! such a cool name btw!! i used to want a bird before i realized i was scared of them.

i saw u sent another ask but i literally cannot find it!? augh :( IM SOO SORRY!!

i’m rlly creative too! i’m a theater kid, so yeah!! art, singing. dancing, acting, you name it i’ll try it! other than tap. i hate tap w a passion. it hurts my ankles !! i love people too! and i do have issues w self love as well. i sometimes js random laugh at something i thought and say i hate myself :( it’s a bad habit o need to get out of!

AND LOVE URSELF! U HAVE A COOL ASS NAME THAT BRINGS SO MUCH COLOUR TO UR LIFE! BE COLOURFUL, BOLD AND BRIGHT TO URSELF TOO!! UR SUPER WORTH IT!!!!!

so i’m gonna take ur question as a general shifting/manifesting advice. if i got it wrong, i can n will redo this for u!

first off i wanna say, you’re soft. like i heard “soft heart, soft voice, soft soul” from spirit. i don’t particularly know why but maybe it will come up

and when reading “I know I have the ability to do anything and I truly believe that, and yet every night when I go to sleep with the intention to shift, I still wake up aware of my Cr instead. I feel like I’m stuck, because I know nothing but me is holding me back but I don’t know how to make it so I’m not.” i instantly heard “no you don’t” from spirit.

you believe this because you’re trying to force yourself to, not because you actually believe it. you think you’re too weak and unworthy to shift — to gain any happiness in life, and that’s why you’re so giving and loving to others. you want that, and this is what you do so you can say you deserve it (5:55 rn)

u don’t need to “deserve “ anything to get it. you js need to want it, and have that fire under ur ass to grab it.

you’re not someone who gives up, i’ll tell you that, but you’re like clay. you always have a solid form, but you haven’t gone through the fire yet to be sturdy.

do you want to? yeah! but u keep letting little things get to you and mess up your design, your pattern.

you need to stop letting words or, what you see as, “consequences” get in the way of being happy.

waking up in what you think is ur cr is truly just a parallel reality in which you are closer to shifting. trust me. ive shifted to a different reality.

she bangs like a fairy on acid is a very interesting song to come on. at first i was like “maybe i’m not tapped into the right energy” but no — i definitely am.

it can be seen as falling back into an addiction that isn’t helping you get better or gain life.

“but listen to the fairy in the forest. she tells me that she wants it…” it’s giving into those old habits that you don’t particularly want, but you’re sacrificing yourself for.

get out of this energy. it’s not selfish to want to do better. isolate yourself.

and i don’t know if you’re doing anything or not, but try to cut back if you are.

i love u parrot!!! i hope all goes well :D

[firewoodfigs]

ayo … i’m on a poetry high and basically devouring every poetry website i can find and i’m still looking for new stuff. so please drop ur fave poets/poems 🙏🙏 or even ur fave poem u wrote urself i’m starved

omg aaaahhh i love questions about poetry and i'm always delighted to hear when people go on a poetry high (and that it's still very much alive)! unfortunately i read most of my poetry off books that i thrifted, but Poetry Foundation is a pretty reliable archive and fairly easy to navigate if you have a name in mind :) i also really enjoy the stuff curated on @secretchords_apoemfortheday and @apoemaday, and if i have a specific author/anthology i'm looking for i usually just try my luck with online PDFs.

in terms of specific recommendations, the following is a little list of mine (with links included!):

Louise Glück (who recently passed away, but left behind a very lasting legacy. A Summer Garden is marvelous; a field of stars.)

Mary Oliver (The Summer Day is one of my personal all-time favourites!)

e.e. cummings (i carry your heart with me(i carry it in) is a timeless classic)

Robert Frost (Nothing Gold Can Stay is especially apt for the fall!)

William Blake (The Tyger is terribly royai-coded lol)

Pablo Neruda (love is so short / forgetting is so long)

Frank O'Hara (Lunch Poems)

W.H. Auden (if equal affection cannot be / let the more loving one be me)

Richard Siken (Crush)

Carol Ann Duffy (there you are on the bed / like a gift, like a touchable dream)

Sylvia Plath (not technically poetry, and I know Plath has lamented her prose on multiple occasions, but The Bell Jar is easily one of my favourite novels and reads like a poem--the imagery is so visceral and gripping, and the overarching metaphor of a bell jar is just insane)

Ilya Kaminsky (Deaf Republic)

Mark Nepo (how the heart makes a duet of wonder and grief)

my own poems are generally marked #poetry on my tumblr page (although the tags are frustratingly uncooperative most of the time...). some of my favourite poems i wrote are:

the diametrics of dialogue (conversations with you) -- this is a deeply personal piece which i recently had the privilege of reading in new york thanks to the phenomenal @mirabile---visu, and i will cherish it dearly always :)

honeypot

when creation creates

an anthem for youth undoomed

America and the moon

queenfish

remember, beloved

we lived in a state

love crept through the garden gate (in the process of turning this into a song!)

magnum opus and the queen of hearts will always have a special place in my heart as well because they were the first ones that got published online :)

enjoy, lovely (and welcome to the wonderful star-eaten world of poetry)! <3

[menalez]

Mena I worry that through my hatred of patriarchal religions ive become kinda racist. I try not to be, but I find it difficult not to think about what Muslim men believe about women when I engage with the Israel/Palestine conflict. The things I've heard are so repulsive that I do feel like every man who believes in it is sinister and not someone I want to be around. and I think that's reasonable, but when I put the thoughts together as "I hate Muslim men" it sounds awful. obvi I don't support Israel because I'm not evil, I'm just conflicted and can't find it in myself to feel anything but sorrow for the whole situation. I was hoping that you could talk about this a little bit, your thoughts on generalizing a population that large, but if you want to just yell at me for being racist that's also fine. this ask was spurred on my the "thezionistradfem" post you shared earlier and just for the record I do think she is crazy racist and I don't think that all brown people are animals that's awful. im just tired of putting up with misogyny. tyia

hmmm, maybe you could elaborate on what kind of thoughts you’re having that you feel are racist? but my suggestion is to remind urself that: just because someone is palestinian does not mean they’re muslim (although they’re more likely to be muslim). just because someone is born muslim does not mean they’re religious. just because someone is born muslim and even believes in islam, does not mean they believe in all of it or are awfully misogynistic. religion is misogynistic and that includes islam, but within every religious group is a pretty broad range of beliefs and diverse group of people, think of christians who you may be more familiar with for example: i’ve met some christian men who hold beliefs worse than some muslim men, and vice versa, like fundamentalist evangelical christians or mormons. there’s also groups of muslims that are significantly worse than others, like wahhabis. these religions have more extreme and more mild people, but often when criticising the religions themselves we will obviously focus on the more extreme (or even moderate) people rather than the ones that at least have enough morals not to buy into the misogynistic aspects.

honestly i don’t think there’s anything wrong with hating religious men in general, i don’t like them either and i’m very wary of them. if you’re also born into islam or from a muslim-majority country, that can mean specifically hating muslim men for you simply bc you’re closer in proximity to muslim men, the same way there’s women raised in christian countries who distrust and specifically dislike christian men. but if that doesn’t apply to you, then i guess perhaps ask yourself why you view muslims as significantly worse than christians when those religions are far more similar than different and overlap when it comes to misogynistic beliefs. don’t try to avoid your thoughts and push them away, question them instead. and i’d most of all suggest not to reduce palestinians to just muslims and realise that even If every man in palestine holds misogynistic views, it does not justify killing or mistreating them because human rights are for every single person not just people who we think are worthy.

also it helps me whenever i notice that what i hate in a particular group of men is a trait that men of every other demographic often display too, so.. perhaps that as well.

anyways here’s a palestinian song about feminism where the men rap about men’s double standards & misogyny, check it out! read the lyrics too.

[minalblood]

Been a looong while but I'm back with a new episode commentary. 1x09 here we go!

The instant recall to finale of spn s 1 is just as delicious and jarring this time around. Find it very very interesting that it's the vampires that mimic the Winchesters here and do so in order to learn their fate and fulfil it. I'd definitely call this a dark mirror to begin with.

I also adore these vamps, they're sooo fun looking.

John and Mary really came out of that near death experience losing no time in getting together.

The appreciation of Dean being paralleled to the appreciation of Baby is just... sooo funny considering the sheer amount of connections there.

Soo Kyle is instantly suspish here. Not even hiding it, damn. You can tell the shift in personality just based off his demeanor. I also think the little hand gesture he does as he walk away is interesting, it's almost like he's saying "im washing my hands off this bullshit". It subble enough that you could think it's jealousy.

The little hints at Lata and John friendship! My beloved!. Also Lata is suuuch a gossip I love her!

I once more am asking John Winchester to stop trying to be subtle, it aint his strong suit. But alternatively, I sorta get it? Like I can understand why it would be confusing if u don't get where Mary is coming from, since she has no problem letting strangers (and exs) on the street see them together, but not their close friends? But I also completely get Mary as well, she's actually lived as a hunter her whole life which means bagage already, then the fact that their relationship is new and fragile. Plus both her parents and his haven't had the easiest time with relationships. Cautious makes sense.

Ah yes, "fate is what u make it". Dean hearing it from John who heard it from Millie. All of them have their very personal reasons for that saying to apply, but also... Dean saying he didn't expect where things got when he "pushed that first domino" reminds me of Cas and him talking after the 1st Apocalypse that wasn't and about how free will sometimes means things aren't really gonna go the way you like them.to or expect them to (peace or freedom?). It's sorta funny then (read:ironic) that in both John's life (SPN!John) and Dean and Cas after Swan Song the outcome was actually quite tragic over all, John's life literally going out in flames with the rest of it being a living nightmare and in Dean and Cas' case Sam is dead and Heaven is starting a Civil War. This episode then does something really nice in subverting that expectation by setting up the tragedy (John is to die, can't change that) and allowing him to survive and not just that but ending it with him getting exactly what he'd wanted here in the beginning of the episode, getting to freely be with Mary.

I adore how Carlos calms down the driver, showing once again the full range of their skill as hunter and empathy as person. Love them so so much!

Couldn't get a hold of John, says Mary, being more suspicious then if she and John had shown up together... I find that hilarious!

Also also, love that this clarified that fangs are still teeth aka u can identify people (vampires here) based on them. I love love love that!

Uuuù Betty is suspish about Mary.

God! Dean had to have loved the vampire robbers. Vobbers? Rompires? Vambbers?

Oh noooo John! Don't be ur children! Don't just pick up random amulets like a moron! (At least we know who they got it from?)

Carlos is almost just as bad, my God! You see ur friend drop it like it hot and you just bend to.pick it urself?! Ah, Carlos, the range you got babe.

John dying by vamps begins my headache of the night because it is 1000% a callback to Dean's death in 15x20. And I wish that wasnt the case.

Ok let's talk Ursitoare (Uhr- see-too-ah-reh) a sec. So this is Romanian myth. To give an overview of it, the myth largely relates to the Ursitoare (or Fates you could say) blessing or cursing a new born after they've been born. Usually the legend states that the mother or midwife would have to leave out gifts (generally food like bread or water or salt etc) to basically appease them and make sure the baby gets a good destiny foretold. It's also states that those who eavesdrop on them as they tell the childs destiny shall die. They are also said to be quick to anger if spurned. Another interesting think tho about the myth is that (while there can sometimes be 7 or 9) the 3 ursitoare are generally known as Ursitoarea, Soarta si Moartea (aka the One who Wishes your fortune, Fate and Death) again the Greak Fates work very well and there's def overlap between the myths here. But importantly, Ursitoarea is the oldest and Death the Youngest (or othewise simply stated as the 3rd).

Now based on this we have a few things to keep in mind, mainly our vampires. They esentially eavesdrop on John's fate here and get exactly what the legend states - killed. In other news, the Ursitoare are very much neutral beings generally. They can be plied with offerings sure, but overall they just spin the thread as it goes. Its only ever an active role when wishing the newborns destiny. Now John's our newborn here, new to hunting at least, reborn once already after the war and a second time after confrunting everything he has since hunting became his life. More importantly, in some versions of the myth, the ursitoare give either the mother or the midwife dreams the night after the baby is born that need to be carefully interpreted afterwards - exactly what the Gem does here.

To wrap this part up a bit, I am.endlessly happy about the way they tackled this myth. SPN had sadly a bad bad record with Romanian mythology and lore - 1st with the witches in s7 which I'd argue was ... 'inspired' by rromani mythology rather than Romanian which is its own culture and as such its own racist connotation to that whole mess. And 2nd with the Imaginary Friends in s 11 aka Zanna .... which has absolutely nothing to do with Romanian mythology beyond slapping a horrendous mispronunciation of Zână onto a piece of lore that doesnt exist in Romanian mythos - we don't have any imaginary friend stuff, its literally all imported from the US. So this lore here? This is fucking aces! It actually makes sense, is actually a Romanian myth that is still being invoked nowadays - especially in the countryside as tradition of baptising/birth and it works very well in the context of the episode. Now, it would've been perfect if they didnt add that shh sound in Ursitoare making ir Urshitoare... Like its funny a bit cuz I constantly think of bears (urşi - ursh is plural for bear in Romanian) but its ok since its just that. I can live with a minor mispronunciation. I will say the Gem itself is fully made up tho for TW.

To answer Carlos tho, the Ursitoare themselves tell u 2 things: the future and also a future they are willing to bless or curse you with. It's essentially both. They show u the future, ur life as it's meant to be exactly, no deviation, but only in pieces or really a piece as a dream and, importantly the sorta end result of ur life which they wish upon u as newborn. How u get to that wish is up to you. The Gem.appears to have merged these two.

I also love love love the show of community that hunters have, that a hunters network is important to getting the job done. It makes me strangle SPN!John worse because he actively isolated himself aaand his kids. Ffs!

Awwwweee I like Betty! I mean shes a cop soo... not great but shes nice and cares so much and is worried :((

Millie does a good job here I think. She's not dismissive of Bettys concerns, but shes also careful to dispel them if possible. She shows once more how good she is at manipulating people, tho admitedly this time it isnt anything malicious or even generally negative.

I also gotta say that Betty (and id say John by extension) is very naive to think that war could in any way shape or form help with the issues John had had. Like he had trauma from his fathers abandonment and his mothers general treatment afterwards, had trauma from the disfunctional relationship the two had before Henry died/left, which all was underscored by deep-seated guilt that he let out as rage. Like all war would do is make it far far worse. It shows just how young Betty is truly and how she really hasn't lived through too much yet. And i said John too because Im fairly sure he also thought going to war would help in a similar manner.

I also headcanon that Betty was very inspired by Millie... but thats just me.

Carlos continues to be a dumb dumb about Anton... unsurprising, but omg.

I forgot the stone was carved from the Ursitoare's ribs... is it just me who though of the birth of Eve here??? Also yes, Il Soarta is def Italian I realize now. Do i question why an Italian cult was obsessed with Romanian myth.. absolutely not.

Im think that the 'most times not'part of what destiny the Gem shows u is due to essentially the stone acting as ... well... an eavesdropper. Literally. It was given to specific people to use by the Ursitoare as recompense for their worship - so good fate; but then as time went on it became a useful artifact for the benefit of Il Soarta so it became a way to eavesdrop on destiny so said destiny changed in them because that worship became.in name only. As mentioned, the Ursitoare arent patient and dont take well to being spurned or used in this case.

God the drip on the vamps, love them so much!

I would also argue that fate ultimately doesn't care about anyone if the whole universe is in jeopardy and uve a bigger destiny like John Winchester does.

I agree with Mary calling Millie here. Especially since she actually.knows what it's like to just ... lose someone like that. John does too, but he's also the one in the middle of it.

Ironic that Mary says "even if i have to kill every vampire in the tri-state area " ... a version of her actually does do that... for her kids. And simultaneously, its ironic also that another version of John will tell their kids that vampires are extinct (which could get them killed fyi).

Millie and Dean would be horrible together... all theyd do is work in the garage and shittalk research... and I kind love that for them.

I also like that Millie does in fact tell John bout Betty and also basically tells him.to not bullshit a bullshitter. This convo between Millie and John might be the 1st truly empathetic one we've had for them. Like yes, John's defenses go up instantly and he immediately assumes that Millie agrees with Betty and is judging him, but Millie, this time, doesnt do that. She just wants to check-in on how he's doing. And does so softly. And believes him more importantly.

And of course, back to the tried and true Winchester feelings avoidance after we've just had a helluva emotionally vulnerable talk.

I live for Carlos being disappointed in the vamps housing choices. I too would judge that. (So would Dean tbh)

Aaaaand Carlos once more gives us the biggest puzzle piece to where the vamps are.

While Lata is once more absolutely delighted by the magic lockpick like the wonderful nerd she is.

Millie to John "Dont do what u always do, not today" --> leads him directly to the room hes gonna die in. Irony at its finest.

A lot of irony in this episode, i realize now...

God I adore Carlos v vampires fight scene, its soo good. And its followed by the equally as fantastic Mary v vampires. Ahhh, I love them all so much.

Ppl really shouldn't fuck with Mary Campbell when shes pissed and worried.

I will miss the vamps tho... i really liked them :(

Ah yes, Winchester ingenuity at its finest... 🙈

I like what this ep says about how dead mans blood works? It implies that vampires literally drain the life force through the blood because the dead mans blood only came into effect once John did actually die - a few moments after he got bit thus implying a certain supernatural link between the blood just ingested and John's lifeforce. I vibe with that.

Ah yes... the full context - still drives me.mad. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ROBBIE?! Especially with all the parallels TW has to SPN.

I appreciate the CPR not stopping until only after they think he really did die for good. U DONT stop CRP for dramatic pause ( advice to othee shows/movies or in ro aviz amatorilor)

Antoooooonnnnnn!

Anton and Carlos!!! 💓💓💓 yay!

And they're using their words! They're communicating guys 😭 im so proud

Damn... Mary and John are being cute too 🥲

Dun dun dun!

Betty and Kyle and Kyle is Akrida! 😱

Sorry, i dont got anything revealing or deep to say about the ending here 🤣🤣🤣 its all plot and relationships.

Aand so we reach the end of another episode, 4 more to go!

I will say time and distance made this episode easier to watch for me. 15x20 had fucked me up before and made it very hard to watch without refering back to it. It has several parallels to Dean and dying specifically. The main one ofc being death adjacent to vampires. But it also has John killing himself for the sake of the hunt which sadly doesn't bode well either because it reminds me of a really bad couple of weeks back in 2017 when i had the realization that Dean has literally been shown as suicidal every single season (and i can name the ep, its so clear) and then Advanced Thanatology hit the Tv screens on nov 9th 2017... not a fun realization and def not a fun series of events afterwards. Sorry to bring this up here, but well... its relevant sadly.

Thankfully tho, this episode works well to deconstruct that and to subvert the spn finale by allowing John to live and to fully embrace his realtionship with Mary.

In other news, next ep will anger me a bit... for.multiple reason, some having already been discussed by people better equiped to talk about it then me. But rest assured, ive shit to say outside of that too, so see y'all for ep 10. Im aiming to have that up by the end of the week.

And thanks to @noybusiness and @shallowseeker for encouranging me to continue this.

[winterrhayle]

if you could remove five songs from 1989 and replace them with the vault tracks, what would they be and why?

i'm gonna do this but WITHOUT suburban legends because no 1989 song deserves to be replaced by that mess, sorrrry (i swear im not a hater i just think it's the worst song on the album)

also while i'm here i reordered the whole album hahahha

okayyy so here's my ideal version of 1989 (vaults are underlined)

new romantics - i think this is the ideal album opener, just because wtny isn’t really a well loved song when you take it out of the context of it being the first track of 1989 (even though i like it personally, its on the bottom half of mine and most peoples 1989 rankings) but new romantics still works bc it sounds like a song of new(romantic) beginnings, and its kinda the thesis statement of 1989,, about how the album is supposed to be super free and light hearted (also the intro of this song is so iconic and its perfect as a track 1)

blank space - im kinda trying to do this album somewhat chronologically, but also im trying to get the themes and production to flow,, blank space is a perfect track 2 bc it still sounds like a city track like new romantics, but it also sounds equally beach-y, and those are the 2 aesthetic elements of 1989 so its a good joint album intro. ALSO blank space gives u a good idea of how Taylor was seen at the time, as a dramatic serial-dater or whatever..,,, which leads me into track 4…

“slut!” - like i was saying,, blank space is about how she’s seen, and slut touches on the same topic of being slut shamed, but this time its about what SHE actually feels, and it flips it into being like,, its worth it bc i met this really cool guy aka:

(harry) style(s) - and this is the first sense of like. problems in the album, as in its pretty clear from this song that the mysterious guy she’s dating is not someone that she’s gonna last with,, also it gets us back into the city vibes smoothly bc the rerecord of this song has added sparkles which is reminiscent of the beach songs, but of course style overall is a city song so it flows well

wonderland - this is a perfect track 5 bc its a super emotional song that details the relationship + the breakdown of it, also its a BOP (y’all need to appreciate wonderland more)

out of the woods -🚨 BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP🚨and like most of this albums its a lyrically sad bop and it fits with wonderland and explains the anxiety further

i know places - same purpose as ootw, it explains why the relationship was doomed from the start as its 2 very high profile people

say don’t go - fits chronologically, and talks abt how he didn’t love him back, and all he needed to do was not go,, (as in all he had to do was stay if u know what i mean)

this love - this love came back to me woahohoh (i think this is where it fits chronologically? where mr lover man comes back)

all you had to do was stay - she decided its too late to get back together tho RIP HAHA

now that we don’t talk - post break up realisations, lhh isn’t that amazing

wildest dreams - back to the beach rq, with a side of post-breakup mystique and i bet you think about me energy

clean - still keeping it beach-y, and now she’s clean from both the relationship, and the album booklet secret message is ‘she lost him, but she found herself, and somehow that was everything’ which is nice bc self love,, and she’s moved on , ALSO LINKS BACK TO THE ALBUM THEME OF FINDING URSELF

shake it off - ngl i put this here bc i think going from the emotional song clean to SHAKE IT OFF is funny, and every ts album needs a jumpscare at some point. but honestly this kinda fits thematically, because its talking about her persona like in blank space, but this time instead of leaning into it she’s shaking it offff and she’s clean (^) from the expectations to be what other people want or expect her to be. also its a fun song and brings up the energy for the home stretch of this longgggggg album

is it over now? - is it ever really over????????? NO (also i would consider this song to be a city and beach song because the AUUU HAAAAAAAAAA parts remind me of seagulls) alsooo if u loop it the ending of this song leads nicely into the intro of new romantics

deluxe edition :

16. you are in love - the deluxe is my excuse to put my QUEEEN you are in love on here bc it didnt fit anywhere

ik u probably intended for me to replace songs that have similar themes with their corresponding vault but theres so many songs that i just cant bear to take off😭 but heres the parallels anyway: blank space / slut, all you had to do was stay / say don't go, style / suburban legends, wildest dreams / is it over now?(this is a reach), now that we don't talk / idkkkk i cant really think of an equivalent

[keyotos]

I wanted to start writing fan fictions of my own and stuff (mainly of hsr and some other fandoms) but I'm not sure where to start. Your my number one favourite writer on tumblr and I was just wondering if you had some words of advice on where and how to go about it :) If you don't want to, thats fine as well. Love your works so much!

OMG I'VE NEVER BEEN SOMEONES #1 FAV WRITER BEFORE WTF. THANK U SM???

for headcanon inspo/writer inspo in general, i would read a lot of romcom books. or watch a lot of romcoms. for me, inspo comes from songs/books/movies/tiktoks i interact with. inspo comes and it goes; don't worry if you don't have constant inspo for new content. just as long as it feels authentic and it's twisted in your own way, then it will be good.

pinterest and spotify are gonna be ur favorite apps. i use pinterest for layouts, aesthetics, cute poetry for inspo, etc. spotify also helps for inspo, for example if you listen to a song u like then u could possibly base a scenario/headcanon/etc off of that. and personally, when i listen to music that fits into a certain scene i'm writing, it really helps me encapsulate the emotions i want in that scene, which in turn makes my writing better (at least to me it does).

if you are writing headcanons/drabbles/etc, make sure it has an aesthetically pleasing layout. what i find that headcanons/drabbles that look more organized usually have more interaction because it looks more aesthetically pleasing and well-rounded. you may want to add colors (using graphics, borders, etc) so that it would appeal more to a reader than no color and blank layout.

be creative with your writing!! literally write whatever you want and i guarantee you at least one person is gonna like it and read that work for life. and don't be discouraged if your works don't get lots of notes the first time. the tumblr algorithm is messed up.

some other short notes

no need to have a masterlist so early. u may want to have at least 2 or 3 works published before u create a masterlist. masterlists don't have to be on the same level as van gogh on levels of creativity, so don't stress tm abt that.

if ur ever thinking abt letting ppl request, don't be too hard on urself if u can't finish them. at the end of the day, you are writing for urself. prioritize yourself.

take care of urself while writing. writing takes time and effort and brainpower (ugh), so if ur ever feeling burnt out, don't be so hard on yourself bc writing is hella work

don't compare yourself to other writers. your writing is your writing and it's so special because of that. ur writing is already so amazing bc YOU ARE THE ONE WRITING IT

to summarize all my thoughts

inspo from media

listen to music + use pinterest

make sure u have cute layout (for profile AND works)

write whatever tf u want. if other ppl don't appreciate it then it's their loss

don't be so hard on urself. remind urself that ur writing is incredible!!

[iiota]

i find it very shocking that pokaymon fans are like 'if only devs had more time to fix the graphics and glitches the game would be one of the best' and that the game isnt busted to its core...(granted this would be solved by having more time)

sorry i have to elaborate or ill die bc i have quite a few qualms with it (long)

one looking at its selling point is that its open world + that you go to school thats why u have to wear that stupid outfit the whole time. The open world is..so bare there are no unique spawns like arceus and like 4 cool spots in the WHOLE MAP. its so easy to get lost bc its big just to gloat that its big, theres No landmarks and the map is very unhelpful orienting urself...also ur bike moves so slow and it Cannot move faster bc the game almost dies when ur boosting as is (and half of the time ive seen the climbing Does Not Work bc the mountain areas are terrible) not to mention in area 0 they take ur map and let u loose in this open world and its so hard to find anything..esp if u want the paradox pokemon u search for hours only to find out they have semi unique spawning points. also the legendaries are the coolest ive seen i will admit but theyre sooooo detached from the story which could be cool if the school wasnt so ass to be in b cthats where u learn about them. oh btw theres really only two things u can find on the whole ass map and its gimmighoul coins(bc u need 999 of them for a pokemon bc ofc u do) and random items/tms so if u dont want either of those things exploring just..wont be on ur radar its also impossible to know if ur getting a potion or a rare candy only tms are marked yellow which isnt Really a problem i actually like it but there are still like no rewards for exploring.

also the items u find almost render stores useless AND trainers are pretty hard to find u could consider them ur reward for exploring but again. the game puts little effort into making ur want to fight them bc all u get is an item for doing it in each area and u can just grind with the visible spawns that way And since theres no rubberbanding its like..what point is there once u beat the game to get all trainers in a lvl 20 area unless ur training up pokemon (but in that case ur probs just doing tera raids to get the rare items)

another qualm is that u go into like. 4 buildings the whole game. and the building insides are the best looking thing in the game besides the school main foyer..ugh. the town design to me felt very hollow bc its like..bc the gyms all look the same and are business-y a big part of the town lost its personality. also its very noticible that theyre trying to bounce off how cool the galar gym fighting was with the song and having a crown but it um Really ended up being pathetic its like the base part of pokemon games was an afterthought(actually it felt really obvious that everything in this game was super split up so instead of focusing on a coherent pokemon game it was section off into bits that strained the team) i have a lot of issues with how ur friends only exist within their storyline until the post game..there is no way to talk to arven unless u do one of his story quests. i think running into nemona just on the roads would have been fun or anyone that you can catch up with really! that or just have them at the school when ur back..

THE SCHOOL. GOOD LORD. the song that plays when ur in the town and school sucks so bad i cannot imagine listening to it longer than like 5 mins. now functionally i do think the idea of the classes having helpful tips for pokemon would be kinda cute esp for newbies but um. ok if a game is like omg u went to school and now u get to get WHEREVER U WANT freeroam are you gonna remember to come back to the school whenever u beat a gym(specifically i think gyms unlock more classes) are you. are you really. i think the only push to go back is one of the teachers being like 'try my class ^_^' yes i am completely convinced. the school itself is like. pathetically trying to be persona and giving u motivation to come back by having stuff locked by classes or telling ppl about ur adventures so u cant speedrun it(unless u decided to do school stuff last) literally could be so easily fixed by having to report back to someone In the quest to the school forcing u back so ppl r like well since im here ill take an art class. also dont lie about the classes if u say its a math class name it..something that its actually about (technically Math but its in relation to how pokemon deal damage)

also a lot of the gym leaders are um. boring. it doesnt help they lost a gym to customize and only get a challenge thats like a few mins of ur time. their designs are ok but only like rhyme, grusha, larry i can remember the names of LOL. i think rhyme, larry and maybe the art guy are the most compelling bc they have like. interactions with other characters. the elite 4 is pretty cool but i dont..really like that they had a kid. objectively its a little funny but im like oh god ppl are gonna be weird about that. um was extremely disappointing fighting them in a plain ass room. and u just fight geeta on the roof. ok at least xy had STAINED GLASS BITCHIN ROOMS. interview was fantastic tho. part of the questions were stupid bc it was grading u on something objective.

i do like the idea of getting to know the ppl around the school and encouraging the nurse to get a teaching degree again was cute..but it has little impact when half of the conversation is blacked out bc they dont want to show u explaining ur journey to here bfhdskjbkf. like no choice in the game matters is it that hard to have a couple of prompts of what to tell her. honestly i also think for classes itd be cooler if they happened randomly and you had a prompt to auto join them ie 'an art class is starting would you like to fly back to school?(Y)' also a good reason why a lot of the school stuff falls flat is everything in this game is in neat little categories that have no relation to each other its like im eating dinner and i dont want my peas to touch my mac n cheese. i dont mind that ur set up to fail some quest lines w not knowing where to go bc u Can ask for advice on where to go but also most of the playbase probably took advantage of do whatever u want but ALSO the progression makes no sense bc it wants you to go back and forth throughout the entire map...i do think pausing the gym fights to do team star and then do more gyms then do arvens stuff would have flowed a bit better..sometimes letting the player decide what to do is bad.

team star is probably my fav storyline bc it involves something other than ppl being focused on u so it stands out a lot also i do think it was cute for them all to have banded together from bullying. that being said the running around and throwing ur pokemon out to fight was . stupid as hell. just make it a gauntlet, maybe some double battles. that way the camps didnt have to be so ugly and Open. they have the best music tho

tera raids are objectively the most thought out and best looking but they need help for 5 or 6 star unless ur really good and its..so hard to do them online bc everything fills up so fast ive heard the game also gives u little indication of whether ur running towards a 3 star or a 5 unlike swsh. the more real timeish battle does uh. make ppl think the game is crashing bc some actions are forced/scripted but dont tell u so ur game is just frozen for x amount of time..

a more petty thing but the clothes suck ass and theres no little fun customize thing like the trading cards from swsh..u can just change the photo on ur trainer card...ok anyways this is already too long <3

wait i need to say i dont mind arven now but i think him suddenly losing his backbone when his ai parent said his parent actually loved him and being like omg woah really was. boring and stupid. he should have told them that he didnt believe them THEN after been like 'i am not sure if that ai was only telling me what i wanted to hear or if it was actually what (parent) believed but there is no way for me to know i can only move on and focus on whats really important. I am going to (enter job title here on something he wants to study for) and take care of someone who was really there for me (pans to mabosstiff). And also you! My friend thank you!'

rika rules tho. my only complaint about her is no mudsdale

[lilmaymayy]

hey friends! this is just a quick intro post in case you want to know a bit more about me/the blog🤭

** DISCLAIMER**

PLEASE BE KIND in this blog i will not entertain ANY hate/aggressive/mean interactions THEY WILL BE DELETED OR IGNORED, in the past where i did respond, it never left my mind and i never knew how to react, leaving me to be negatively affected by someones fleeting thoughts. so to avoid anyones displeasure please be respectful and conscious of your actions and words!! if not- 👉🚪we dont need that energy here

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*im also on mobile so apologies for any bad formatting😭😭

hello! my nicknames may and i use she/her pronouns. when sending any msgs id appreciate a quick hello but as long as your being polite i will gladly respond. feel free to address me as may or any other (kind) phrase (e.g queen/baddie?? anythings fine as long as youre being nice)

do u see the theme😘

i like to keep my age off of here simply for privacy but i can assure you i am not a minor, but if you are, you are welcome on my page any time just be aware i do swear and the content that i reblog can be nsfw, but ultimately you are responsible for the media you decide to consume.

i do not write fics(i always reblog them tho😉/also beta! so if youre a writer in need just lmk) idk if i ever will(write)but i dont realistically see that happening😭.

in the search bar for my page you can see all these hashtags, i typically tag “give it a read💋” for any fics ive betad and “she speaks🗣️” for any post thats just me yappin💀

and any character names (like finnick odair, peter parker etc.) are the bulk of fics that i reblog and you can find works for that character under those tags!

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im a full time student based in sunny california😍, my favorite things have to be fruits(tops gotta be strawberrys, cherrys anddd green grapes), fics, and folklore (3 fav f’s💋) (and yes i am a swiftie). last time i took the personality test i got ISTJ, but i swearr im still an infp. every single test i took told me i was a hufflepuff (were not lame i swear), and even though i swear up n down that im a laurie.. i might be an amy😔( i want to be great or nothing😫) and a song that i just feel for is probably a three way tie between teenage dream by olivia rodrigo, this is me trying by taylor swift and dreamer by laufey(not someone i typically listen to but whenever spotify puts her song i always love it)

favorite artistss gotta be the big three taylor, lana and ariana (nothing offish theyre just my most listened) and drake.. and bad bunny.. and olivia.. and sza.. and beyonce.. and the weekend.. and rihanna

- if you want a grasp of my music this is a LINK to my most played playlist

- this is a LINK to my more lovey/ sweet songs, its all in the description💋

*if u give em a listen and u wanna put me on.. msg me!! id love to hear your recs

my hobbies include playing music, i play guitar(kinda goodish) and i wanted to pick up piano too (idk if ill ever get to this😭) i also found that i love to do puzzles, and i wanted to start scrapbooking (looks fun af lowk). a few other things i love is definitely just jamming out to my tunes, sleeping😫😫, watching movies, playing w legos😭, PLAYING WITH MY DOGGIESSS (i have two, rocky and lily both are maltese poodles💋💋), baking (hate the clean up tho) i also love selfcare, its always good to prioritize urself but i mean the cassie method of everything showers, lotions, body oils, body mists/ perfumes, face masks, skin care (allllllll the goodies) just to finish the day off with a fic (its deadass my nightly routine to shower, get ready for bed/unwind, tumblr)

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now onto.. CELEBRITY CRUSHES!!

-CELEBRITY not character, but if i missed any lmk😝

-this is a long one so bearrrrr with me

my top 5 currently is🥁🥁🥁

1. sam claflin (been obsessed, still obsessed, i dont see this changing *unless timothee wanna quit playin🙄)

2. tom blyth (tbosbas was life changing.. hes so💋💋)

3. andrew garfield (im considering moving my man up to 2 bc hes an og for this list likee hes been on my brain since he was fan casted as our remus lupin and will stay there😌)

4. jacob elordi (newest addition, saltburn edits is the sole reason why hes here plus hes so fucking tall like i deserve that height difference *for reference im 5 ft😈)

5. timothee chalamet (i love him so much BUT HES DOWN HERE BC OF KYLIE😭*he would be 1 otherwise🥲)

for other hotties ..

OSCAR ISAAC🥵🥵😫-i need this man in bed rn

charlie brushnell😘-new addition but again he is taking over just like pjo is

tom holland- zenny baby he is all yours but that man shirtless? YUMMYYY

tom hiddleston- only rzn to watch the thor series

theo james - YOU THE ONE FOUR ME hes so fine i watched divergent (still a great series) for him n i was not dissapointed

aaron t— johnson- i do not want to mention his 🤐 but he is so fine his calvin klein ads?? KICKASS??

ben barnes- shadow n bone.. YUMMY YUMMY🤭🤭also sirius? likeee runaway to my house?

cillian murphy- ik he lowk looks like he got a bad case of botox.. BUT CMONNN PEAKY BLINDERS???

callum turner- i knew i was hooked since that harry potter movie he has like 10 minutes in🥰🥰

dylan o’brien-ima be honest im not DIE HARD in love but this man was fine since maze runner and teen wolf n will be till hes in the graveee

henry cavill- enola mf holmes.. INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR BROTOHER LIKE😍😍😍 i need this man to investigate all my internal organs

hugh laughton scott- hes just so pretty i just😘

harrison dickinson- love at first sight of darkest minds😍😍( its a discontinued movie (supposed to be) series) i need him in more shit

joao felix- my bestie pmo fifa AND HE DOES NOT DISSAPOINTT

josh hutcherson- i could not make this list without pookie

matthew gray gubler- i need him to read me to sleep, sing me to sleep, talk about anything so i can sleep, he brings me so much joy with that smile and hes so sweetie pie i could go on forever

robert pattinson- TEAM EDWARD FOR LIFEEEEEEEE

drew starkey?- idk his name but hes the hottie who plays rafe cameron IVE NEVER WATCHED THE SHOW (or anything hes in) but holy shit that man is tall and pulls off ANY hair cut

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well if youve made it this far thank you for taking the time to read this! if you want to know some more about me msg me in any way and ill respond, maybe ill add that info here. thanks again for your attention! love you all😘

[pacifymebby]

Do you have any advice for someone who's recently single? I split with my ex bf nearly 2 months ago and in the weird bit where I want to move on but also feel sad sometimes

Sorry i didnt answer this straight away, i just wanted to think it over before i answered but...

I think that theres this key part of "moving on" which is entirely about being sad. Like when u go through a break up u do lose someone and a lot of other things too and its a grieving process. And grieving is like a big wibbly line that goes up and down and also like a set of circles within circles (idk if u have ever seen that picture before of the circles?)

Basically that the way it works is that when u lose something, u have a gap in ur life and instead of filling that gap or replacing that person/thing/relationship, you just grow circles of other things around it, so u dont replace it but u build other things? Im explaining this god fucking awfully and im sorry about that.

But i think what im trying to say is that, if you try to force yourself not to be sad ever, you wont move on, you'll carry the saddness and it'll fester. So what u have to do is let urself be sad and acknowledge why you are sad (bc u lost something and u wont ever have that same exact thing ever again) and thats the only way u can embrace the new stuff that youre going to build and enjoy. Like u accept u wont ever have the same thing and that allows u to go out and find new things and enjoy those things.

And as for like moving on as with other people and stuff, if u meet people u think are hot or nice or whatever, dont feel guilty or any of that shit, but trust ur instincts? If talking to them makes u feel good then keep talking and go as far as you want to go that feels good for you. If it makes u feel sad or strange or not good, dont do it?

I know that sounds simple or like im talking down to u but im not trying to talk down to u or like ur daft. Im really not at all. I just think its like, its a thing ive missed in the past and done wrong. Like forced myself to date thinking it would stop the sadness but then it didn't. Like i think u should go out there and do whatever ur gut is telling u u need to do?

Im big into trusting my own instincts about things lately, like, have some faith in urself that you know what you need to do to be happy.

And also like, being single is fun if u dont put too much pressure on urself to go out and "be single" you know. Do u know the song pressure to party by julia jacklin? Thats like the perfect song to sum up the feeling im getting at, like that whole album is a wonderful break up album that id definitely recommend bc its got the moody sulky sad breakup shit and then its got some amazing upbeat tracks too.

I remember last time i was single the best bit about it was way more than "i can sleep with whoever i want" it was like i was presented with this whole opportunity to go out and claim everything i wanted and be whoever i wanted to be too. There was no one linked to me who had expectations about the girl i was, i didnt have to worry if something i wanted to do was going to break the image they had of me. I had so much fun just embracing all these things i wanted to do/be and like i really grew into myself and idk, i think the girl i am now is completely unrecognisable from the girl i was in my last relationship, and its because i had this time of being alone and being able to just do shit i wanted selfishly.

Like, if i wanted to go on holiday or travel somewhere i didnt have to worry about anyone elses plans or whether they wanted to come, i could just have my own agenda that completely pleased me and it was amazing and freeing and so fun. But even down to how i spent time at home too. I broke up with my ex just aroind covid and so alot of my time was spent in lockdown at my grandparents and like, even just the way i chose to walk down to the beach in the evening smoking a joint listening to the Waterboys, staying down there till midnight on the phone to B or another of my pals, or how when things began to open up again i went out with my cousin and we ate pizza in the park and shared prosecco and got smashed together dancing to rolling stones songs... Like it was just fun things i wouldnt have done had i been with that ex because he wasnt the kind of person who did that stuff.

Idk being single is such a nice opportunity to self reflect and look at what you wanna be and choose to grow into that person if that makes sense?

Idk if this has been at all helpful, i hope it has.

Basically go out and date, be a fuccboi if u want to, do whatever makes you feel good. Have a one night stand, be that person who doesnt text back in the morning (i did this once and have mixed emotions about it tbh, but the experience was ultimately good and best for me???) like go out there and do whatever you feel u need to do. And omg be brave about it!! Give people ur number, enjoy just flirting with people, enjoy making the first move, enjoy checking out dilfs in the park (jk) (or not u know) like theres a lot to enjoy. And when u feel the sadness let urself feel it, embrace it and sulk and wallow in it for a wee bit, all things must pass and over time the sadness will go.

I still look back at the time i spent with my ex and mourn that loss bc for a long time they were one of my best friends, and we went travelling together and we'd picked the names we wanted to call our kids and theres so many happy memories i had which all went down the drain and were lost. And im saying that now, when im in a happy relationship with someone i want to spend the rest of my life with, who i wouldnt trade in for anyone or anything u know. Im happy and 100% moved on, but every now snd then I'll remember walking back to our flat in seattle when it was warm but had that stuffy evening kind of feeling to it and it was a little bit too windy, but it felt kinda perfect, every now and then ill remember walking with him there and my heart hurts so much i want to cry. And the only thing u can do is let urself feel that sadness and know that yes, its sad you lost that, but you can go to seattle with someone u love and be happy again, and u can make new memories and be even happier and idk. I hope some of this makes sense and helps u?

Sending u lots of love xxx

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. old honey nut cheerio lefty eyebag 😅

Hahaha yup, because I don't know a lot of older people! And hey now, back pain can happen to us youngins as well. 🤣

No, not a typo. It means mother THEY like to F. Ahahaha cause I am respectful, I am not one of those who would say I want to f a person...unless it's my partner and yah 😅😅

Anyways. Uh oh why do you have to rearrange get suitcase?? Did you forget something?

You flirt with me? 😳 I don't see it hahaha all you've done is be mean and call me old and sleepy 🤔

There's a song by Miley called Angels Like You. It's a good song, sad but good.

I think I've listened to some songs in acoustic version. My favorite song from songs about jane is secret and harder to breathe. Have you listened to their newer songs? It's definitely changed over the years, but I still like his voice.

One of the songs that gives me sexy vibes is Earned It by The Weeknd. Then there's this one song by J. Holiday, called Bed.

Speaking about writing, did you get to write the rest of Part 4?

You really are showing your age, with Annie's song. Ahahaha just kidding.

Hm, I don't have a lot of favorite people so, this is as follows:

1. Que Sera Sera (Mom)

2. Chasing Cars (ex wife)

3. Sing (a teacher from when I was in elementary school)

What would be your go to karaoke song?

-CuriousGeorge

Hello you!

Haha oh so now u call urself youngins? N im the old one? Okay, i see now.. 😆😅🤭 i thought we r both old eyebags 🤣

Aaw thank you.. that was really sweet of u. Thank u for being respectful to me. Now i'm embarrassed that i missread n missunderstood u with the mtlf things.

But still, im not a milf nor mtlf. 😊

I packed one of the carry on with the jackets n my coat. But then i just remember that i have to put the clothes we r going to wear to the airport on tuesday.. i hv to pack it easy to grab since we r leaving on monday n stay at the hotel. 😊

Also i got a mini heart attack earlier, because i couldnt find my bluetooth keyboard for my tablet. I keep it in one spot so em wont play with it but then i couldnt find it where i thought i hid it.n then i couldnt remember where.haha. after a while of searching, i found it..phew!

Oh i hv been mean? Darling, u havent seen me being mean yet.. trust me, u dont want to see me being mean. 😆😅 jk.

Dont blame me i called u old.. u described ur back pain so bad like u r my age or older 🤣 n i called u sleepy because u always fall asleep before me.. i bet u wont reply this answer tonight because u r already asleep. 😁

I havent heard their new song.. i will check it out. Oh another my favorite songs of theirs are Makes Me Wonder, Wake Up Call and Moves Like Jagger. 😅

Ah i see. Yeah i can see what u meant with those two songs.. it has the sexy vibes.. here r my top favorites sexy songs that i listen to when i write smut.

1. Gooey Rework by Glass Animals (my top top favorite)

2. Such A Whore Stellular remix by JVLA

3. Crazy In Love by Sofia Karlberg

Hmm my go to song for karaoke? I cant remember.. i think it was Moves Like Jagger or She Will Be Loved 😅 what about u?

4. Easier by Mansionair

5. Gorgeous by Ash, Naila this one inspired me an upcoming smut fic with Nat. 😁

Next questions?

Cheerio!

[srlkiller]

Have you ever thought that maybe ur more sick than u think and maybe it’s actually u that’s the issue… might be something to think about

OK SO i hav a million asks in my inbox but this 1 is so beyond ignorant & passive aggressive for quite literally no reason bc why are u so invested in my life for…? lmao.

have u ever thought that maybe u don’t actually know me or anything that’s going on in my real life.. whether it is the shit that i am currently going through (which is numerous forms of abuse by my parents) or all of the things that have happened in my past.. im talking about in REAL LIFE. bc this is the internet.. a literal blog site where i randomly type things whenever im either really heated or bored as shit. n that’s rare now. this year n probably last year too i posted rants like.. give or take, every like… 3-6 months (if that). so u either got this whole image, ideology & ‘persona’ of me from a blog site.. or the very very few sporadic Insta stories i post which are mainly songs i like, memes or funny vids reposted? lmao.. i don’t post on my own Insta anymore. i literally only use youtube or zeus network now & i actually hav a private tumblr that only i can see. this 1 doesn’t get used, u must hav missed wen i posted about that :(( anyone who knows me/has known me irl.. or has been following me for a while knows that im a very open person.. & ive been open for YEARS on this dumb ass blog (which clearly ur privy too… bc u read my posts n lurk my page lmao 🫠)the whole “have u ever thought that ur ‘more sick than u think” is such an ignorant fucking statement. like.. i know exactly what is ‘wrong’ w me & im actually perfectly fine as long as i do not get triggered by certain people in my environment (which is the issue at hand among others with that same individual & other family). as ive aged & gone through so much these past 5/6 years i have grown & evolved so much as a person that whatever ‘persona’ you seem to have of me being ‘sick’ doesn’t exist today… unless you’re referring to my physical health issues? then yes ive been sick these past 2 weeks & do get ‘physically sick’ quite often due to my chronic severe physical health conditions.

ive been more than transparent (probably too transparent tbh) on here as well as my Instagram for many many years about my mental health issues + physical health issues. all of my conditions/disorders are chronic conditions that i have to live & deal w for the rest of my life.. so things like 4eva tryna find the right treatments for EVERY condition, spending thousands on operations, doctors, specialists, hospitals, medications that don’t work or give you awful side effects, meds that do work but cost hundreds, meds that are addicting with no warning from the doctors ect ect but the biggest thing of all is simply just tryna function each day like a normal human being whilst being in a very toxic environment with zero support, love or care from those who are supposed to nurture & protect you. so yeah sometimes i do get fucking angry, frustrated n upset about that shit n just wanna rant on here about my feelings. there are certain things i share on here wen i hav no one else 2talk too.. im an only child & hav gone thru sm shit with past ‘friends’ & exs in such a short amount of time i could truly write a whole book or movie script on it all. but instead i write things on here. it made me go absolutely crazy then turn into a total paranoid recluse. it was a soul destroying experience but one of the most powerful life lessons to be able to learn. it made me who i am today n changed me completely.

BUT- n real life tho.. you really do not know my situation.. you do not know me.. & you do not know what i deal with on a daily fucking basis. id love to see u try n live even jus a day as me irl...u would 100% neck urself before the day was even over. im not stupid.. i research everything when it comes to my conditions & diagnosis’s. i also studied psychology & did a major in forensic psychology while doing a bachelor of law & justice. ive studied the DSM-5, done every kind of therapy & treatment plan you can imagine. ive been in treatment since i was like 11/12. i understand myself very well. the mental health conditions that i have are a direct result of childhood trauma & several kinds of abuse by my parents from childhood all the way up to now.. if u are that interested in me & my life then perhaps u should google all of those conditions & do some research on them to gain a better understanding of the hows, why’s & whats. that’s called knowledge baby, u should gain some🖤 & perhaps u should consider going straight to the actual source… whatever it is u wanna know, just ask me.

what’s super interesting is that i took my tumblr link off my Insta a long time ago so it’s like bro.. did you just memorise my tumblr name so u can keep coming back to the page to lurk then send me a sassy little message to jab at me every couple months …. orrrr do you follow me but ur really that pussy that you put ur shit on anonymous? tbh both options are pitiful & just scream.. U A BITCH. people like you are all bark.. n no bite. it’s giving stalkerish fan vibes… this has been going on for like over a year now.. maybe even longer, idek. why not come off ANONYMOUS tho? why not just dm me if u feel so strongly about the issue n are so invested in this shitshow? u seem to hav a lot to say to me n id LUV to hear it! u got some suggestions for me? u got the answers? suggestions for self help books? shiiiiid… we could even talk on the phone if u want? u got FaceTime on yo fone?

if u don’t hav my Insta I’d b happy to giv it to you.. jus send me some asks on anonymous u know how to do that. looking forward to hearing back from u & getting to know u better! hope i quenched ur thirst xxx

[private-thoughts-express]

Majority is a rant but if u want to use this in an english class to teach kids about reading between the lines then be my guest

I love publishing my shit on the internet. i have a tiktok where i mostly talk about my ex or my dad. i also post little cutesy videos and i like doing the trends. but i do overshare sometimes. i used to have a finsta where i would write essays and post sad pictures of me and i would literally post every one of my lowest moments. like thats so crazy. and i only had 5 (2 were the same person) followers and only one person ever consistently commented. so very few were aware. i have had countless anonymous accounts on every random platform where i vented or bitched or cried. its absolutely cray if u really think about it. and now i have this tumblr. i will probably abandon it in a month or 4 because thats what i do. i set these large goals for myself that i cant complete. but i still keep trying. so i regressed to 2012 tumblr self. so now that im here im thinking why do i, or anybody for that matter, have this incessant need to post about every tragic depressing thing that happens to us online?

ps. Listen to that while u read the rest of this so we can listen to the same thing while reading it. it is my favorite song to walk home to or cook to or close my eyes to. so u deserve to listen to it. do a nice thing for urself and hit play. its not even what i typically like so when i first heard it i was surprised about how great a new music genre could be and it just scratches the best itch in ur brain

i don't care if its the people i know that see it. i actually dont prefer it but theres a select few that i dont care if they do see. but thats besides the point. Theres many people, myself included, that dont feel certain of their emotions. i never know how im feeling or if im being overdramatic. I also dont know how to muster up the courage to share the worst of my thoughts with some people. i also hold my tongue a lot. l just dont want to upset anyone or be honest. i hate being honest sometimes. emotionally honest. its so hard and lame. so where am i going with this? well if i remember correctly im going here:

There Is Major Satisfaction in Hitting Post

I feel that publicizing my feelings and putting them out there in the internet abyss cements them into the world. my mom always did say that once you put something on the internet its forever. and i said bet that works in my favor because ! my feelings will exist forever and i can look back at them scattered all over different platforms with a shit ton of emails and separate personas and i can be like yes ! i felt that. that was real and i didn't make it up. people may see it and be like cool whatever but that still spreads my feelings and now its not just me that knows. even if it was for a moment it was known by me and a stranger and we both acknowledge that there was a point in time that i felt that way. [continued...]

PS. listen to this for the rest of this:

[continued...] i feel so disconnected from my last thoughts but im going to return to them now. ill start here:

i dont often feel seen. even with my closest friends i dont feel all the way there. i dont feel authentic all the time. i think it has a lot to do with my aversion to vulnerability and sharing your feelings. i know i already said it but i want to say it again because my friends are wonderful. they are beautiful and kind and smart and strong. i love my wonderful friends and they mean the world to me. sorry i just had to put that in there. (now im listening to savior complex) but yea. i just feel like i cant relax and breathe. i feel stiff. i feel so aware of me and my presence and how i look and move and react. i mean if were being honest i think im describing some one with some undiagnosed something but thats besides the point. the Point ! is that i find so much comfort in sharing my most private intimate thoughts online because so much satisfaction comes from knowing its potentially out there forever. because nothing is really forever but for as long as the internet is around this can potentially be around. i dont need to have kids to carry out my legacy because my internet footprint will do it for me. im pre planning in the most minimal way. i dont have to write a book or create a shit ton of movies or win a prize because i can post something completely raw and forget about it. Its really cool if you think about it. u will live forever in some capacity. this took a weird turn ! and i think this is where we cut it short but it has been a pleasure.

if any of this made sense i will give myself a pat on the back.

this made me feel very carrie bradshaw x nyt