#also this is the beginning of Ben’s ‘I’m not evil anymore; I wish to be loved’ era which lasts through most of the Beyond arc

[scarletspider2the2ndpower]

Spider-Geddon (Vol. 1/2018), #5.

Writer: Christos N. Gage; Pencilers: Jorge Molina, Carlo Barberi, Stefano Casselli, and Joey Vazquez; Inkers: Jay Leisten, José Marzan Jr., Stefano Casselli, and Joey Vazquez; Colorist: David Curiel; Letterer: Travis Lanham

[popurikat]

Trying to make sense of parts of Future (Mystery Skulls)

Since my last analysis went so well I thought I’d make this post as well, especially because Future really did confuse me and I know others might be lost as well; so lets discuss this together! It will be lengthy as I am basically spewing my thoughts out right on the videos immediate release date (there will be a read more option after my first thought to avoid long positng). Well first things first, I wanna address that I've been curious about what kind of spirit Arthur's arm could be (since I am not too well acquainted with any canon on its background part at least) and I think I have concluded that the closest thing to it could be is a Tenome; which is a Yochai that possesses a man's body and moves the eyes to the palms. "found lurking in cemeteries, hands outstretched, as if he has only recently lost his vision and is searching for something. Get close enough, and you’ll find out in quick succession that a) he’s not blind, but looking with eyes embedded in his hands, and b) what he’s looking for is a snack." (fyi, most of my mythos information is coming from Wiki just as a heads up)

And sure enough he found a great source for his hunger. Something he has been EYEING since the start. Which now leads me to my next points on the video...

At first watch I was convinced that each strand found on Mystery’s heart represented a singular soul bond, I thought that blue was for Vivi, Green was for the hand, pink for Lewis, purple for Shiro, Yellow for Lance, Orange for Arthur, and black and white were unknown. Which, didn’t settle right for me. SO I went in and re-watched the clip a couple more times and saw this:

Vivi’s (blue created after she got hurt) and Shiro’s (white created after she died) strands were connected to the strands located next to them. A start and an end. Mystery’s promise to Vivi to stay at her side for generations as he was spared upon prior defeat of Mushi. And then of course we have the promise of power and sustenance for Shrio as they held a symbiotic relationship for most of their lives that was only severed due to an interference. These double strands of fate are especially clearer in the scene with Shiro in Future. As the black strand gets clearer the more she gets injured or emotionally hurt, it eventually leads to the leak of the white strand on her death. Meaning; Black/white=Shiro; Purple/Pink=Lewis; Blue/Green: Vivi; and Orange/Yellow: Arthur. And why am I inclined to believe Lewis and Arthur are apart of Mystery’s heart? Well that's because those two were the only ones fully streaming before Vivi’s and Shiro’s appeared. We know that Arthur lost an arm to Mystery and discovered his identity (ergo losing most of his trust in him) insinuating both strands to arise early on of his color scheme, as well as with Lewis’ death occurring under the protection of Mystery when they were grouped and having his soul go restless/ in pain. It wouldn’t make sense to add family members or side characters not included in the mainline story to this grouping unless they would play an important role in the finale, which isn’t likely since we have only one more video left as Ben stated it was going to be a 5 video series. I am also inclined to believe each person has two strands because of Kitsune lore: “ Kitsune keep their promises and strive to repay any favor. Occasionally a kitsune attaches itself to a person or household. They follow their word of honor. They become self-destructive if they break a promise, and when someone else breaks a promise, they become deadly enemies.” Plus, It would make sense as to why in this short battle Mystery sprouted his last 3 tails when it came to Vivi and Shiro and how their connections affect his power. (more on this in a bit) But, furthermore; if anyone else notices, the Band-Aids on the heart are also remotely located on the sections of Vivi’s and Shiro’s strands specifically because for both, Mystery has vowed to protect them and has failed. 

Now then lets talk about a few things on Mystery’s ultimate form shall we? The final form of a Kitsune, its celestial form as shown here is called a Tenko. (yes I am aware of the Kumiho, but that is a fully evil, flesh eating, 9 tailed fox that specialize in illusions and well Mystery has never been portrayed as human). The Tenko makes even more sense when taken into consideration that Mystery’s third eye (typically a form of wisdom connected to overpowering the mortality of ones self) opens. So how was this done in such a short amount of time? “Kitsune do not accept aid from those who are not willing. they do not ask for help, and as such, most aid must come from another's initiative. Kitsune are emotional and very vengeful. Kitsune will lose their temper at the slightest provocation. Once someone has earned a kitsune's enmity, the kitsune will begin enacting revenge that can become quite extreme. On the other hand, those who have earned a kitsune's trust and loyalty will see a friendship that can last through many trials. Freedom is very important to the kitsune. They do not accept being forced into something they do not wish, and do not like being bound or trapped. Doing so weakens the kitsune.” Mystery as we know is very much controlled by his emotions, going head first into things constantly based on reaction and his inability to control his power under distress. His tails arose in the fight sequence every time he fulfilled his oath AND used 100% of his form/power. Therefore, his tails grew because he wasn’t holding back anymore, not his grievances, not his appearance, nor his hesitance in his evident distress of being bound to two entities that both required his aid.  My last note on these images comes from a tumblr user’s reverse audio clipping (https://nebulous-rain.tumblr.com/post/633555549749952512/ok-so-yknow-that-one-reversed-part-of-future). The rewind of the clip of Mystery’s transformation plays “When I’m With You”, which yes, cool a possible Easter egg to the next song! BUT what is this song about? Let me just bring up the first line of the song: “You got me hanging by a THREAD...I wish I could turn back time...I wish I could rewind life...” and before the chorus “I’m gonna make it right”. We know that this can refer to rectifying the wrongs of Lewis’ death, but more accurately to do so we need to defeat the evil inside this mutt that is pulling the strings of this whole fiasco. And this might just be the intro portion of the next mystery skulls mind you as we’ve also gotten many false starts with the previous two videos where hellbent used “every note” and future used “enemies” alongside the main song. BUT WE HAVE TWO YEARS ANYWAY, WHY BABBLE ON ABOUT THIS. LETS MOVE ON!

Hearts in this series have not been just for identifying the dead or for aesthetic purposes, they are the life force of each powerful legend. I am actually surprised to see Shiro have a heart as she started off as a creation from Mystery and therefore her lifeforce is just his blood and without it she is nothing. I am curious about her color pallet though, her heart is purple and pink. Lewis’ is gold/yellow with touches of orange. And Mystery’s is just red, but it has a mix of everyone’s essence within it to keep it tied and whole. Shiro’s could be colored this way in reference to Lewis’ aid to help find her creator; which would explain why Mystery surrounds himself by color as he required outside help and how Lewis’ heart is yellow in reference to how recently Arthur helped him remember his friends/hidden memories. One thing we have learned about hearts is that they can be broken repeatedly and can be ripped apart from the body, but they can be repaired too through resolution/hope. Lewis restored his heart in hellbent by using Vivi’s flower petals and finding hope that he will get revenge, only for his heart to be repaired again through Arthur’s touch. Shiro may have withered away, but her heart is essentially not broken, she’d need Mystery to restore it as it was flung into space (and that again relies on Mystery finding his sanity and finding it in himself to even bring her back). And as for Mystery himself, he’s gonna need the whole gang to reach out to him to extract the parasite within and restore balance. I really want to know more about the heart properties and how they give their users their powers as well Vivi is able to summon her strength through a material connection (bat) that function in its own way as the vessel a heart does since its connecting her to her ancestry.

NOW to finalize, I offer you two queries:

WHO IS ARTHURS HAND REACHING FOR!? I know it seems like Mystery, but that would be counter productive for the hand demon if he has Arthur interfering with his control. Is it still after Lewis as we’ve seen previous times where his arm acts up only in Lewis’ presence and when specifically other “magic” is at play? If so, is the goal to ward off Lewis and Vivi from defeating Mystery? Is Arthur gonna use the arm to find his own power as we’ve seen when he is able to momentarily cease control of it he kinda ruins anything electrical he touches and well, electricity is currently running rampant in there.

and lastly, I am really curious how touch sensitive hearts are, We know that even the smallest of brushes can detect memory/links to the person holding it (as seen with how Shiro managed to get soul flowers in hellbent), but the fact that Lewis was so in touch with the feeling of Arthur EVEN THOUGH ARTHUR GRABBED HIS HEART THROUGH HIS METAL HAND MIND YOU!, that he still managed to feel the disturbance instantly. So my question is, is the touch sensitivity reliant on how close someone is to someone? I would like to say yes cause when Shiro touched his heart he didn’t react instantly, he felt her rummaging his memories and was awoken, but he didn’t kick her butt by fully reforming until after she had long since stepped on his heart and then forced the memory of Mystery to arise. But yeah, its a nice little detail.

Either way, thanks for reading! Feel free to add on, comment, or even dm me about more Mystery Skulls information and theories! Love to hear them!

[wondersofdreaming]

Show Night

Characters: Henry Cavill x female reader

Word count: 1.446

Warnings: Pure fluff. Competitiveness. Blurting. Hidden relationship. A little teasing. Embarassment. 

Author’s note: This is a prequel to Game Night

Thank you @radaofrivia​ for your inspiration, motivation and for guiding me <3

Go read her stories here: Rada’s Masterlist

Divider by @firefly-graphics​

I do not own any characters in this short story, except the reader who is a figment of my imagination.

MASTERLIST

Feedback is appreciated.

“Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special treat for all of you. We have the entire Justice League here with us. Please give a warm welcome to Gal Gadot, Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Jason Momoa, Ray Fisher and Ezra Miller.”

The entire audience clapped. There were whistling, some were screaming at the top of their lungs. You were cheering just as loud. Watching your handsome boyfriend walk out and wave to everyone. A relaxed smile spread on his lips when his eyes landed on you.

You were at the Graham Norton show. Sitting on the front row. No one knew who you were except the man who owned your body, heart, and soul, and now also Graham Norton and his crew. The producers had wanted you to stay backstage, but you had been adamant on wanting to sit in the audience and watching the show live. They had relented in the end if you promised not to cause a ruckus, which you had sworn.

Graham starts asking questions about the Zack Snyder’s Justice League, and at some point the engagement ring for Amy Adams’ character ‘Lois Lane’ comes into the conversation.

“Did you in fact choose that ring yourself, Henry?” Graham asked and motioned to the monitor behind him, showing a closeup of the ring.

“I didn’t. I actually have no clue where it comes from,” Henry chuckled, his eyes searching for you. You could see he was a little nervous, as he was fiddling with the hem of his suit jacket. You put your hand on your chest and crossed your fingers.

It was your secret sign for him. A sign of your devotion to him, as you had promised to always be there for him. The idea came to you while watching your favourite anime show ‘Fairy Tail’.

“If you ever become nervous or need a reminder, then look towards me or the camera if I am not there. I will you show you this sign,” you had crossed your fingers over your heart, “Even if you can’t see me, no matter how far away you may be, I will always be watching over you.”(1)

It had been a day where Henry had had a long day filled with interviews right at the beginning of your relationship. He hadn’t wanted to ask you to come, which was the reason why you hadn’t attended, thinking he wanted to work in peace. He proceeded to come home and went directly for your lap, falling asleep in 0.2 seconds, and you had asked him to bring you with him to work, as you, an author, could work anywhere.

“… I think it is about time he finds himself a girlfriend, a woman to spend his life with,” Jason’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You looked up to see Henry squirming more than before. His jaw was tense as he was forcing a laugh. You felt his pain and wished you could sit next to him and squeeze his hand in yours.

“I have a lot of single friends, Supes. Say the word and I’ll introduce you,” Jason smacked Henry’s thighs with the biggest grin on his bearded face. It may have sounded like a joke to the audience but Henry knew that Jason wasn’t teasing.

“I don’t think my girlfriend will like that you’re playing matchmaker, brother,” Henry smiled. All the actors’ faces fell, even Jason was gobsmacked as his jaw dropped to the floor.

Then Henry noticed what he had just said. His head turned towards you with a look of utter shock. He had just blurted out that he wasn’t single anymore, without having consulted you. Your heart was racing, your secret had been revealed. In some way, it felt like a heavy stone having been lifted from your shoulders.

You didn’t know whether to scold him for not asking you to make your relationship public or to laugh at the horror he was sporting on that handsome face of his. You opted for the second choice, the people around you followed suit and started laughing and cheering.

“Well, you heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen, Henry Cavill is officially off the market,” Graham announced to the camera. “Now, Henry, you have to tell us how you two met.”

“We… eh… met through mutual friends. They were having a game night, and we ended up being paired together for charades,” Henry smiled at the memory. Looking at you, making you fall even more in love with him. Jason and the others noticed where Henry was looking and started shouting for you to join the group.

“Oh yes, please she must join us for the next part of the fun,” Graham pleaded.

Ray and Ezra both stood and went to stand at the edge of the stage. Each man gallantly offered a hand, which you took and was led towards the sofa. Jason moved to make space for you and was wearing a big grin, his eyes shining with glee.

After the rounds of introduction and you told what your occupation was, Graham went to introduce the little quiz game he had conjured. You were each given a button that made a sound. Yours sounded like a pig snorting, while Henry’s was a howling wolf.

“So, the winner gets to take home whatever is underneath this piece of cloth,” Graham said after he had told you the rules. He motioned to the covered box next to him.

“Everyone ready?” he asked. All the actors and yourself said yes. Henry was leaning a little forward, to be ready to push his button.

“First question: Who are the original members of the Justice League?”

You pushed your button faster than anyone, while Henry pushed his so hard it nearly flew off the table.

“Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Batman, The Flash, Superman and Green Lantern,” you told Graham. (2)

“Go girly,” Gal cheered for you. She leaned forward and raised her hand for a high five, which you returned.

“Correct! Question number two: What is the Green Lantern oath?”

*Oink oink*

Again you were the fastest. Everyone watched as Henry let out an annoyed huff, but his face showed nothing but absolute happiness.

“In brightest day, in blackest night, No evil shall escape my sight.

Let those who worship evil’s might Beware my power, Green Lantern’s light. (3)” You quoted.

You felt the other actors starring at you. Jason gave you a side hug and told you that Henry had found not only a beautiful woman but also an impressive one and that he was damn lucky to have you. You had smiled back and felt yourself being pulled back towards Henry’s side. He held a protective arm around you the remaining of the show.

“Seriously, Cavill. Don’t want to compete with your girl?” Jason asked teasingly.

“I’ll gladly just lean back and let her have her time in the light. Besides, I’m already winning because she’s with me,” Henry smiled proudly at you. You heard the entire audience all go ‘awwwwwwwww’, so did the actors and Jason went between you and Henry to hug both of you.

“Third question: In what year was the first Justice League comic book published?”

Again you were quick to push the button.

“Depending on whether you’re talking about the first time they appeared all together which was in The Brave and the Bold #28 (4) and published in 1959, while their very first own comic book series was published in late 1960.” (5)

Henry raised his eyebrows, clearly dazzled by your vast knowledge. 

“Correct again. Seems you know more about the Justice League than the Justice League itself,” Graham joked.

“I didn’t expect anything less from Superman’s girlfriend,” Ben said with an appreciative grin.

You felt Henry moving closer to you, hugging you tighter to his chest. It was the safest you had ever felt, and even though Henry hadn’t gotten one single point, he was still oozing happiness. Happy to have you by his side forever and ever.

“Here is what you’ve won,” Graham handed you the box and removed the cloth. Inside was Funko Pop figurines of every Justice League member.

After the show, you made sure that every single actor signed their respective figure, and you had pictures taken with them to remember the evening.

At home, you arranged the figures with how they look on the poster you had hung on the wall of your office.

“Another win for the team,” you said out loud. Henry walked in and hugged you from behind. He wrapped those big arms around your middle and whispered seductively in your ear:

“I’m the real winner here.”

1. This is a line from Fairy Tail episode 48 by Makarov Dreyar. I changed it a bit to fit the context.

2. Source https://ew.com/books/brief-history-of-the-justice-league-in-all-its-incarnations/ 

3. Source https://greenlantern.fandom.com/wiki/Lantern_Oaths_(Disambiguation) 

4. Source https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/The_Brave_and_the_Bold_Vol_1_28

5. Source https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Justice_League_of_America_Vol_1_1 

[sadselfhelp]

Who I Am, And Why I Created This Blog.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Child Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Violence, Drug Overdose, Suicide, Psychotic Breaks. 

Take a walk with me, let me show you around the mind of The Sad Hatter.

There's a lot going on in my head right now, and I feel like I'm on the precipice of something. I'm standing on a cliff's edge and I'm either going to plummet or I'm going to fly. It's been building inside me for a long time, and I can't contain it anymore. So here it is, here's me laid bare, because I need to say this, I need to put it into words. I need to purge it all. To try and make sense of all of this shit in my brain, I think it's time I organize it. I don't know where to begin, but I guess I start at the beginning and make use of the ability to edit.

Before you read this, please be aware of the trigger warnings. And please understand that this is the most honest and open I have been, I really am stripped bare in this piece of writing. It’s not at all pretty, and am I not guiltless in parts. This may well alter whatever opinion you have of me. 

I guess the beginning is birth, right? But I don't want to rehash all that trauma, so let me speed through it. Twenty-Eight years ago I was born, violently. I'm serious, I ripped my way out of the womb, and tore that thing apart. I guess I can sort of understand why my mother couldn't love me after that was my first act, collapsing her womb. So let me speedrun this part of the story. Mum didn't want me, gave me to my dad who raised me as a single parent with the help of his parents, until he met my stepmother. Shockingly, she didn't want me either, but because she couldn't get rid of me she decided to physical and psychological torture was the next best thing. 

When I was eleven years old I snapped and didn't want to put up with it anymore, so I wrote a goodbye note and then snuck into the medicine cabinet and took a bunch of pills. Spoiler alert, I didn't die. I did however end up in a children's home, cue more abuse, little bit of bullying and sexual assault etc.... I snapped again, but instead of turning my anger inwards, I became an absolute bastard. Ok, I still turned it inwards a bit, I had a lot of anger, and now I have a few hundred scars to prove it. But, it turns out that violence can beget violence, and I acted out in every possible way. Racked up a horrifying rap sheet, assault, vandalism, arson, and finally... GBH. I was supposed to get put in a secure unit (child prison – Scottish Edition) but I was always able to talk myself out of trouble. 

See, I was this tiny little white girl with big sad eyes and a hell of a sob story, even at the bottom of the food chain I still had privilege. So instead of getting locked up, I just got sent to a different home. And here's the really messed up part, this home was better. The staff were nicer, and nobody hurt me. My behavior literally changed overnight. I went from being charged by the police on a weekly basis, to never getting so much as a pocket money sanction. I will never excuse my actions, nor condone them, but after years of guilt I finally realized that the bad things I did were in retaliation to a bad situation, and though I wasn’t acting like a good person, I’m not a bad person, just a messed up one. 

I still refused to go to school though, because though I didn't yet know it at the time, I had severe social anxiety. I was smart, a little too smart to be honest, and I found myself thriving with a private tutor. When the time came to sit my exams, someone fucked up, and despite having record breaking test scores on the pre-exams, I never actually got to sit my standard grades (think SAT's – Scottish Edition). I'm still bitter about that. So by this point in the story, I'm 16, and legally an adult, too old for a children's home. I got turfed to a hostel, and the next few parts of the story are pretty fuzzy to me. 

This is where my mental health really started to deteriorate. I bounced between homeless hostels and B&B's for a year or so, until I got a my first flat/apartment. By that point, I was utterly fucked in the head. I was blacking out frequently, for anywhere between a couple of minutes to three days. I would come back to myself in sometimes compromising positions, and once there was blood. A lot of blood, splashed all over the walls. Then there was the time I suddenly found myself standing in the kitchen, about to plunge a knife into my own chest.

Nobody ever did tell me what the hell that was about. Or maybe they did and I just... forgot? But because I was extremely suicidal, a doctor finally decided to do something, and the police and the paramedics came to my door to take me to the psychiatric hospital. I spent ten months there while I cycled through various anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, and was 'rehabilitated into society'. The second I was out, I made the worst decision I have ever made in my life. If I can give you one piece of advice, one lesson to take from my shitshow of a life, it's this: Don't move hundreds of miles away to be with the guy you met online while you were having a psychotic break.

I've never really thought of myself as a victim, but I guess I'm the only one who saw it that way. Ben, that was his name, Ben was a monster, and I didn't know it until it was too late. He never hit me, never lifted a hand to me, he never had to. He could put a knife in my hand and make me hurt myself for his entertainment. I had told him everything, so he knew exactly how to break me down, how to make me want to bleed. He locked me in a house and used me up. And when I had enough, and tried to break free of him, he would just tell the police I was mentally ill and they would smile sympathetically and give me back to him.

But then my dad had a breakdown. My dad, who when he found out what my stepmother was doing to me, buried his head in the sand and packed my little suitcase for me. I hadn't spoken to him in a while until he reached out from the same psychiatric ward I had not long vacated. He had cracked under the realization that I had never lied about her, and the guilt broke him apart. I could have hated him, if it had happened a few years earlier then I would have. But I had experienced enough of the world to learn a few things, like how easily it is to fuck up, and that no matter how strong you are, you aren't immune to monsters. The truth was he was as much a victim of her evil as I was. She had manipulated him, played with his head, used his insecurities against him. So I helped him through his issues, the way I wished someone had helped me. That doesn't really make me a good person, it just makes me human.

But my dad got better, and found his footing. And when he did, he realized something wasn't right with me, and I told him the truth about Ben. My dad had left me to suffer at the hands of an abuser once before, and he wasn't going to allow it to happen again. He came and got me, and he took me home. He moved me in with him, gave me his bed and slept on the couch. After a couple of months, he helped me get my own place.

And that's the happy ending, right? All the trauma was over, I was safe, that's where the story should end. Right? I bet you're not naive enough to believe that, but I sure as hell was. I thought I would recover and that everything would be ok. I thought that with safety, there would come the chance to heal. I thought my wounds would scab over, and I would have my scars but at least I would be able to move without bleeding out. But that's not how trauma works. I had two decades worth of trauma, abuse, and hell.

I just... faded. I didn't crack, I didn't crumble, I didn't break, I just stopped. For five years I sat in one room of my home, drowning inside myself. Last year I got handed a lifeline, and now I live somewhere better. I'm not really allowed to live independently so I actually live in kind of retirement village of all places. I have my own house, but it's got intercoms and emergency cords everywhere, I get checked on daily by on on-site worker. And I'm trying to get better, I really am. It's just not that easy.

There's more to the whole story that I maybe should have put in, like the fact that my mother was a drug addict when she was pregnant with me, and that may have been the reason some of my organs didn't properly form and/or formed wrong. My lung split in half when I was a baby, and parts of my stomach are missing. Or that my mother is full on batshit insane. I could have had a perfect childhood and I still would have been mentally ill. Hell, I was seeing psychologists at five years old. Take my sketchy genetics, add twenty years of severe traumas, and well... I'm a little fucked up. Because a lot of medical conditions use acronyms, my full list of diagnosis looks like I'm collecting the fucking alphabet.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Agoraphobia. I also have a Pulmonary Sequestration, Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, the stomach and lung issues. Immune Hemolytic Anemia, I'm basically allergic to my own blood. Plus, ya know, my liver recently decided to just fucking nope out, the pissy lil bitch is failing. I also may or may not have cancer, I don't know because I pussied out of the tests. At this point I am a walking, decaying corpse that is held together by glitter glue and bitterness.

So... why exactly am I writing this? And why am I even considering posting this? I mean, my problems aren't as bad as some other people's. We've all got shit to deal with, especially in 2020. The whole world is falling apart, so what right do I have to sit here pouting and pouring my problems out? Well, for a start, I guess this is my blog, I can post whatever, and it's up to everyone else if they read it.

So here it is, you have the backstory, so here's what it's all been leading up to.

I'm struggling. Like, really struggling. I'm stuck on this cliff, and I want off, any way I can. Whether I fall or fly, I just want free. I can't live like this anymore, because I can't breathe.

The fucking agonizing duality of being socially anxious and too easily overstimulated, and yet feeling fucking empty inside if you're not surrounded by action and noise. The world is too noisy for my brain, but my brain is too noisy for the world. I get antsy if I'm not doing at least a thousand different tasks, but I get overwhelmed if I try to do anything at all. It leads to short bursts of mania, followed by weeks of depression. But underneath all of that, under all the dramatic showboating, and the dark humor, under all the bravado... I'm really just sad.

Years ago, when I first came up with the moniker "The Sad Hatter", I said it was because I may be mad, but my madness was born of sadness. I'm just sad. I carry it with me where my heart should be. So I named myself Sad, and I put on the hat, and I wore my sadness like armor, turned it into an act, and made a spectacle of it. "I'm The Sad Hatter, and I'm mentally ill but that's alright, I'm going to be just fine!" I told you all I had my issues, and I'll come close to opening up about how bad those issues are, I'll give little chunks of information at intermittent intervals, and then two hours later I'll act like it never happened. I'll admit I was close to killing myself, and then two days later I'll post dog photo's and act like I'm all better.

I'm writing this because I'm sad. And tomorrow, I'll act like I'm not. But when I waver again, I'll come back here and I'll open up again. And along the way, maybe you're reading this and realizing you aren't alone in feeling overwhelmed. Maybe you're realizing you're not the only one who isn't healing neatly and in a timely manner. Maybe you're reading this and gaining some insight into the struggles someone you care about is facing. Maybe my opening up is can help somebody else, I really hope so, but I know it's helping one person. It's helping me.

This blog, it's about living with myself. It's about living with The Sad Hatter.

[whatshername-please]

Out of the Water - Chapter V

Synopsis: You were very proud to be a mermaid, thank you very much. You didn’t want to be where the people were. Actually, you’d rather avoid it. Defending the merfolk was the biggest goal in your life… well, it was until you meet a certain pirate… it seems that your family really had a thing for humans, after all. Not that you’d ever admit it…

Pairing: Harry x reader

Word count: 4514

Part 5 of ?

Warnings: none? Possibly grammar mistakes? Also, some cuss words

A/N: English isn’t my first language, so I’ll probably mess up some tenses, grammar and stuff. Go easy on me, please. Feedback is always appreciated.

               The sun was fading away in the horizon and soon it would be dark and, as you walked, you wondered why everything in this damned kingdom had to be so far away? Didn't they have magic carpets or something like that? Besides, since it was getting darker by the second, the sense of urgency was growing too. You had the feeling that Audrey was just playing with you - she obviously knew where you were, so why she didn't make a move yet? It was like a cat and mouse game and you were the mice heading towards a trap. Also, Mal having the Amber did not put your mind at ease since you didn't have the advantage.

You were literally entering to the lion's lair willingly.

"What happened between you and Hook?" You raised an eyebrow and Evie, who had come to talk to you, explained. "We heard the screaming. I know he can be difficult to deal with, but soon we'll all be in Auradon together".

Evie was way too good for this world, wasn't she? You didn't have the heart to contradict her or tell the atrocity the pirate had done to you.

"I know, sweetie. Don't worry, I'll try to be civil, even if the person in question is an utterly jerk who deserves a punch".

She sighed, looking almost disappointed. Obviously, you didn't give the answer she was hoping for but honestly, what was she expecting from you? Moreover, your response was nice enough, considering Harry was annoying and a water thief.  

"That's a beginning, I suppose. But I think we can work on the aggressive attitude, though" she said with a shrug.

Oh, maybe you should have skipped the punching part... If she thought that was violent, you hoped she never found out that you almost chopped Harry's finger off, then.

As the time passed you grew impatient, it was already night and no one was in a chatty mood anymore. As for you, you've never wished for a day to end so fast and, on top of that, something else was bothering you and it was not the perspective of facing Psycho Audrey. Maybe it was the fact that once everything was over, Mal would let the kids off the Isle (it was what she had promised, after all). However, as much as you want to believe her, you had your doubts. Either way, nothing would ever be the same.

Finally, you arrived at Fairy Cottage and crossed the garden very quietly, trying not to draw attention to yourselves. When you finally got at the building, Ben burst the door open.

Great way to go unnoticed.

However, in the end, it didn't matter because Audrey wasn't there and your little journey had been a waste of time, thereby she was still on the loose and you had no one idea where she could be or what she was planning to do (but whatever it was, it would be unpleasant). Suddenly, the sound of a bustling knock filled the air startling everybody.  Ben followed the source of the disturbence and discovered a very scared Chad locked in the pantry.

The poor thing looked completely distressed and hysterical and, soon after, he mumbled some nonsense and rushed off without a second thought.

"Well, at least he is pretty" you said out loud. How Cinderela could have had such a foolish son was beyond your comprehension, but his golden locks made up for the lack of discernment.

Harry laughed and the clumsy encounter with Chad lifted everyone's spirit and, when you left the Cottage, there weren't Mal's gang or Uma's crew anymore, just friends trying to save the world. Even if you were all doomed; at least you'd end up things in good terms.

Yeah, that's what you naively thought.

Evie told Ben about Mal's promise and apparently Mal had had other plans that she didn't bother sharing with anyone: she was going to close the barrier for good. No more in, no more out.

Nothing serious or extreme.

No reason to freak out...

Holly shit!

You felt like a fool!

Just to think that you gave your word to Harry and Gil that Ben wouldn't do that! You were so mad that you couldn't even talk and it never happened before! Also, you didn't have the heart to face Uma, not after you said to her things were changing for the better. You knew how Uma pretended to be tough, but right now her spirit had been shattered...

Harry confronted Ben about the lie and you thought he'd lose his shit and gut someone, but he just looked completely broken, like someone had taken away his will to fight. Even though Harry and Uma knew pain and betrayal, they didn't expect this. They trusted the people of Auradon were different and they were let down.

Things weren't suppose to go this way! You wanted to do something! Anything! But what?

It was then that Celia took the amber from Mal's hand and threw it into the water. Well, if you were screwed before, now you were hopeless. At least it was for a good cause, if people in Auradon thought their lives were worthier than the life of the inhabitants of the Isle, let them rot. You couldn't even be mad at Uma for leaving since that was what you wanted to do too, but you knew there was nothing you could do to help her in this moment. Actually, you knew Uma well enough to know that going after her would only bother her.

The words Harry said to you earlier about Auradon's privilege echoed in your mind and you couldn't stay put anymore.

"I know this is not my place to say something. I mean, most of the time I'm not even here, I'm not a VK and closing the barrier doesn't affect my life... but it does. It does because there are people there, good people destined to live a dreadful life just because they were born on that Isle! People in Auradon have been living their perfect little lives where everything is pretty and colorful while we claim to be the good guys, but what we have done to the villains and their kids is atrocious! There will always be good and evil, that's how life works and we can't run away from it. Deciding which path to follow is what defines someone's true self, but in order to make this decision we need to have a chance. Mal, you of all people should know that, you had a chance and now that your life is good you want to deny those children the same opportunity? From this day on, every time you play 'happily ever after' with your prince charming, know that you are doing it at the expense of a child on that Isle"

You wish you had heard Mal's reply, but as soon as you finished talking, the world froze.

                                                     _______

Legend says that you were indeed the hottest stone statue in Auradon, but it didn't soothe you a bit. To say you were pissed was not nearly enough to express what you were feeling right now. If Audrey weren't already dying, you would have gladly killed her yourself. The only reason why you were still in the awful human world was Uma... this, and also because becoming stone had consumed all your energies and right now you were way too busy drinking a huge bottle of salted water to not die of dehydration.

Your grandfather would have to choose another diplomat because you were never ever setting foot on land again.

Maybe, if you weren't so angry, you would have choked on your drink when Mal told Hades was her father.

It explained a lot about her, though.

So, Hades, Mal's father, was the only one who could save Audrey and they were going to fetch him on the Isle to help the dying girl. Oh! The double standard! When a kid from Auradon curses everybody is "a mistake", but if someone from the Isle does that is "they are too dangerous, let's lock them up forever". Is it fair? No. Does anyone care? Also no.

You thought it couldn't get any worse, but boy, you were wrong. Uma just said she was going back to the Isle, which was pretty understandable and expected, but you had one itty-bitty tiny hope that she would stay.

Oh, on top of that, everyone accepted Mal and Ben's selfish decision to close the barrier. You scoffed under your breath, salted water wasn't enough to deal with all this, you needed something stronger, like vodka. The good thing was, since everyone was leaving and your cousins were safe, you had no more business in the human world and you took your cue from the VKs to announce your own departure too.

You waited for the limo alongside Uma, Harry, Gil and Celia, the atmosphere was tense, and you had seen happier people at funerals.

"I thought you were going back to Atlantica" the teal haired girl said, breaking the overwhelming silence.

"I'll go with you... until we reach the barrier, at least" your voice was more hoarse than you expected it to.

"Yeah, don't want to risk getting trapped, right?" If this was supposed to be a mean comment, Harry had failed; he just sounded sad, like everyone else. The pirate wasn't expecting an answer but you gave him one, anyway.

"I wouldn't mind going to the Isle, but there is no magic there and no magic means no legs for me, so you would be stuck with a mermaid... unless you don't care to carry me around..." you half-joked.

The car finally arrived and you got into it. It was nice that Ben sent the limo to pick up the VKs, and the guard's vehicle was going ahead, probably to go find Hades. There was all sorts of food in the limo, but no one touched them because all of you were way too lost in your own minds to be hungry. As you were approaching the Isle the unsettling feeling in your stomach grew worst and there was definitely something wrong with your eyes. Just before the car crossed the barrier, you asked the driver to stop. For one second, it seemed he would argue against it, but you gave him a warning look, since you weren't in the mood for more useless fights.

"Uma, can we talk outside for one second, please?" you asked.

You two got out of the car and, as soon as Uma closed the door, you hugged her.

"I'm sorry, Uma. I'm so sorry" the only thing you could do was to repeat how sorry you were, but you knew your apologies didn't change anything.

"I know" she reassured you, looking in your eyes "It's not your fault, you shouldn't be apologizing".

"Someone has to" you said, your felt so tight in your chest that hurt. Then, Uma smiled and hold your hand.

"Thanks for everything you've done for me. I don't know how I would have gone through the past months without you"

"You'd have done just fine, you're a fighter" it was now or never, you lowered your voice so even if someone in the car was paying attention to the conversation, they wouldn't hear you "You can still change your mind, let's go back to Atlantica and, before you interrupt me, Harry and Gil can come too. I have no idea how this is going to work but we'll figure it out" you offered her - you had to try.

"You know I can't abandon the Isle, speacially now" her eyes were full of sorrow, she knew exactly what meant to go back "Maybe you can swim near the barrier so we can see each other from time to time".

You knew she would say that, but it didn't mean it hurt any less.

"Definitely!" you tried to sound cheerful, but the words that left your mouth were robotic and fake "We'll see each other again".

This was a lie, even if you saw each other it would never be the same. The realization hit you hard and that weird feeling that you had in the car, finally made sense when streams of salt water started falling from your eyes.

"I'm leaking!" you freaked out "What is that?! I'm leaking!"

"You're crying, you idiot" she laughed, her eyes watering too.

"Nonsense, mermaids don..." before you could complete the sentence, Uma hugged you again, which made you start crying even harder.

No, not crying, leaking.

"I promise, Uma. I'll not stop fighting for the Isle. I'll talk to Mal, Ben or whoever I must to! They will change their minds, even if, in order to do so, I have to summon up the wrath of the ocean upon them".

You didn't know how long you two stayed crying in each others arms but a voice with a thick accent called both of you after a while.

"Are you ladies alright?" Harry asked. The pirate and Gil were standing there next to both of you. The dark haired boy had a hint of curiosity on his face but he knew better than to tease his captain.

You two pulled away from the hug, Uma looked slightly embarassed to get caught in such an emotional moment.

"I can't believe I'm leaking" you said while trying to wipe away the tears from your eyes; however, they insisted on falling down.

This was so awkward.

"You're not leaking, you're crying" Gil's brow furrowed "Don't you know what crying is?"

"Yes, I do... it's just I've never cried before..." you said between sobs.

"Wow, life in Auradon must be really perfect if people don't even cry here" for the firts time since you met him, he sounded sad. The boy was probably thinking about all the opportunities he would never have in Auradon because he was destined to live on the Isle forever.

They took away Gil's bright smile and you could not forgive that.

"It's not that... I live in the sea, tears don't fall when you are under water" you explained, finally calming down.

"Maybe the ocean is just a big pool of mermaid's tears." Gil said absently, eyeing the vast blue ocean in front of him and you couldn't help but hug the blonde boy too.

The Sea Bitch was such a softie.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Gil. I wish we had more time to know each other better, but I know for sure that you're loyal, brave and gentle. I hope you are very happy. You deserve it".

You broke apart short after and Gil seemed very touched by your words.

"Thanks... that was one of nicest things that someone ever said to me" he offered you a shy smile "I wish you the same".

You looked at Harry, who looked back right into your eyes. You stared at each other until you hold out your hand, which he accepted. It was weird, Harry Hook has gotten on your nerves since the very first moment you met. He was smug, annoying and a little crazy, but at the same time he was very funny and fearless, qualities that you admired. You wanted to say something, but before you could open your mouth he let go of your hand.

That was it, then.

You also said goodbye to Celia and wished her the best. Then, the VKs got into the car again and, since Harry was the last one standing outside, you took the chance to ask him a favor.

"Please, take care of Uma"

His face broke into small smile and he nodded slightly.

You watched with a shattered heart the limo cross the barrier, taking away your friends from you forever.

There was nothing else you could do, so you jumped into the ocean and disappeared between the waves.

Not an hour ago all you wanted was to be back home, but now everything seemed pointless. For the last months Uma lived in Atlantica and going back without her gave you a knot in the stomach, things wouldn't be the same anymore without your friend there. The two of you used to spend hours plotting ways to get everyone off the Isle, finding a hole in the barrier or just talking about the future... and now you had nothing but crushed hopes. Of course you wouldn't give up, but you felt like you had moved backwards 10 spaces in the game, you fought for the merfolk on the Isle for so long and when it finally seemed that everything was going to be fine, it was a lie.

You were so absorbed in your thoughts that you didn't pay attention to where you were heading, which caused you to bump into your mother and younger brother.

"Where have you been"? Attina asked, her voice was somewhere between angry and concerned, but it was impossible to miss the vein popping out on her forehead "I was worried sick about you!"

"Sorry mom, I was in Auradon" you told her, knowing very well that this answer would only upset her more because there was no way she hadn't hear about Audrey and her little mishap.

"Auradon?!" The look of horror on her face made clear that she knew about what happened and wasn't happy about it. If humans thought you were hardcore, it was because they never talked to your mother "Do you know what Sleeping Beauty's daughter did?"

If you knew? You lived and survived it.

"I heard even Uma was there! Your grandfather was almost sending guards to look for you and your cousins! What happened?"

"Did you finally meet Uma, then?" your brother, Nereus, joined the conversation. He didn't know anything about Uma or that you two were friends. Also, he had no idea that he had talked to her many times when she was under the charm spell.

Then, your mother called by your full name, which never meant something good.

"You weren't there in hopes to befriend Ursula's daughter and bring all the merfolk from the Isle to Atlatica, were you?" Your mother knew you so well... and she wasn't happy.

"Of course not, mom..." I'm already friends with Uma, you added mentally.  

Before she started complaining, you explained everything that happened that day (ok, almost everything, you definitely skipped some parts). Her disapproval face grew to the point her vein was ready to explode, while your brother gasped and cheered at the most exciting parts, as you told the story. Under other circumstances you would have narrated the events in a dramatic and majestic way, not sparing any single detail; however, it was way too painful to remember that was your first and last adventure with Uma and her crew.

"Will they close the barrier forever for real?" Nereus asked and, when you nodded, he offered you a sympathetic smile. He knew how much you fought for the merpeople on the Isle.

Your mother, on the other hand, had other things bothering her.

"So, you tell me that they let a bunch of kids fight against a delusional girl who held one of the most dangerous tools of dark magic in the kingdom? Where were Fairy Godmother, the Blue Fairy, the 3 Good Fairies? You can't trust fairies, that's what I always say to your grandfather! Where were Belle and the Beast? Any adults?!" as she talked, her voice got more and more high-pitched, until she was practically shouting.

"They were probably under Audrey's spell" you enlightned her, even knowing that it would not ease her mind one bit.

"That's an absurd! How can we trust our kids to go to Auradon Prep if they can't keep the security system of a museum working properly?!"

You and your brother exchanged looks. Although your mother had a valid point, you didn't want to hear any of it, which was odd, because you never missed the opportunity to roast the human world.

Claiming to be tired, you excused yourself and swam to your room and, as soon as you got there, you glanced at the spot where Uma would used to stay, knowing that you'd probably never talk to her again. You felt like someone was crushing your heart and if you weren't under the sea, tears would be rolling down your face. You lay on the bed, trying to stop thinking about Uma, the Isle and everything. It was a good thing that you were exhausted, so you soon fell into a dreamless sleep.

You weren't sure how much time had passed, but, suddenly, you were woken by someone knocking on your door. You cursed under your breath, who, in the seven seas, was disturbing you right now? Not even bothering to look up, you invited whoever was at your door to come in, you heard them entering and closing the door and, after a moment, you felt the weight of someone sitting on your bed.  

They coughed and you recognized the deep voice that belonged to none other than your grandfather, King Triton.

"Grandpa!" you sat up quickly and hugged him.

"Hello, my dear" everyone feared your grandfather for he had quite a dauntless reputation (even you had to admit that he was frightening sometimes), also, his temper was known in all Auradon. However, when he looked at you with those gentle eyes, you forgot he was the King of the ocean, in these moments he was just your grandfather and you fell protected and loved near him.

"Oh grandpa, it was dreadful and I'm misarable" you hugged him again, hiding your face on his neck.

"Your mother told me what happened and that King Ben wants to close the barrier" his voice was so calm that it was difficult to imagine that when he was angry he could create storms and tsunamis.

"That's horrible. I feel so powerless and guilty! I know most of people think everyone in the Isle is evil but that's not true! They are kind and loyal and they don't deserve to be doomed to perish in that place! You should have seem their faces when Mal told them the program had been shut down" your grandfather wasn't know for his love for villains, everytime someone brought Ursula up he got riled up and changed the subject quickly, but you needed to speak out.

"And who are 'they' that you're talking about?" he asked, stroking you hair softly to confort you.

"You know... Celia, Gil, Harry... and Uma" you were nervous to talk about Uma with him. Actually, despite him knowing that you were in charge for her "search party" you have never discussed that you wanted to bring her to Atlantica, even more that you had brought her to the palace clandestinely and that she lived under his roof for months.

"Uma?" his voice was stern when he said your friend's name.

"Grandpa" you straightned up and looked him in the eye "I know it must be hard for you because Ursula caused great pain to our family but Uma has nothing to do with it, she is brave, smart and care so much about other people. She had the chance to stay in Auradon but she came back to the Isle because she couldn't abandon them! She might has taken some questionable decisions, but who hasn't? She was fighting for what she believed was right! Isn't it what you taught me?"

King Triton furrowed his brows; the wrinkles in his forehead were visible which could only mean he was deliberating something.

"You do seem to know a lot about her" he said after a while, his voice and face were severe and you swallowed... this conversation was taking a dangerous path.

"Well... I..."

Before you could finish the sentence, your grandfather cut you off.

"I know what you did"

You froze, he couldn't possibly be talking about Uma living in Atlantica. There was no way he knew that, if he had had any suspicion of what you did, he would have been beyond furious, so you tried to play cool.

"What are you talking about, grandpa?"

He raised an eyebrow and sighed.

"I know you brought Uma to live here in Atlantica"

And then you died.

The end.

Oh wait.

You weren't dead... but you were sure your grandfather just told you that he knew about Uma... Something was terribly wrong. He probably noticed your bulging eyes and horrified expression because he elucidated soon after.

"I raised seven daughters, my darling. I don't need my trident to see through a charm spell and a lie" it was weird, his voice was strangely serene and he looked slightly amused.

"But... how... like... why... Aren't you angry?" there weren't enough words to describe your shock right now.

"I learned to trust the people I love a long time ago, even when we don't agree on the subject." his tone was solemn and wise and it made you feel so small and pathetic because you knew you had disappointed him.

"I'm sorry, grandpa.... I'm sorry that I lied to you and that I disappointed you, but I'm not sorry for what I did" you didn't have the courage to look him in the eyes, but he lifted up your face and smiled.

"You didn't disappoint me. I trusted you enough to let you do what you thought was right, that was what I taught you. And considering everything I saw in the last months, I believe Uma is a good girl and I'm glad you're friends"

You returned his smile, not in your wildest dreams you thought your grandfather would understand this and it made you so glad how supportive and understanding he was about everything.

"I'm sorry for lying to you! I won't do it again" you promised him.

"You're young, you will" he laughed it off "But trust me when I say that I'll be by your side no matter what"

Everything should be perfect; however, there were a bitter feeling in your mouth and a knot in the pit of your stomach that you couldn't get rid of. In the end, it didn't matter if your grandfather trusted Uma or not, because she would be trapped on the Isle forever.

"So… I think I need your help" you bit your lip, uncertain of how to say it "We can't let them close the barrier for good, but I don't know what to do!"

"Don't worry, I promised I'll talk to King Ben about this. They can't just close the barrier like this without measuring the consequences" he reassured you "Now, rest, my darling. You had a long day"

He got up and swan towards your door, but before leaving he turned his head and said.

"Otherwise, you have my permission to summon up the wrath of the ocean upon them" he winked at you and left.

"Wait" you whispered to yourself "How does he even know?"

And then it hit you.

"SEBASTIAN!"

[yelena-bellova]

Don’t Be Afraid: Poe Dameron x Solo!Reader - Chapter Three

Chapter Three: Midnight Flight

Series Masterlist

Plot: Reader can’t sleep after the day she had, she finds her way to the hanger where she finds Poe. He decides to take her mind off of things.

Warnings: Literally two suggestive lines, a healthy dose of angst in the beginning and a whole lot of fluff.

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: This one took a while, I’m trying to build the Reeader and Poe’s relationship with only so much time to do it. I semi hate what I wrote and I also semi like it, life of a writer lol. We’re going to jump into TFA in the next chapter so this is the last chill chapter for a while, enjoy!

——————-

Leia and Han fell in love with y/n the moment they met her. They decided to raise her as their own, no one was more ecstatic about the decision than Ben. He’d been asking his parents about a sibling for a while. He doted on y/n and stayed by her side constantly trying to help her adjust to her new life.

Y/n adjusted quickly, she became just as attached to Ben and the two became inseparable. She loved Han and Leia, though she didn’t start addressing them as ‘mom’ nd ‘dad’ until about a year after Ben found her. She still had memories of her birth parents, though very few, and she struggled with shifting those roles to other people. One random night as Leia and Han said goodnight to their children, she said it without even thinking,

“Goodnight, Mom. Goodnight, Dad.”

Once they were out of the room, Han and Leia blinked, looked at each other and headed to bed.

Ben and Y/n were each other’s best friend all throughout childhood. They became even closer once they both realized Y/n could use the Force. When they’d discovered it, it was a typical day on the Falcon. They were on Coruscant so Leia could attend a Senate hearing and Han was outside with Chewie doing minor repairs. Y/n and Ben had gotten into a fight (they may have been best friends, but they were still siblings) and at one point, Ben used the Force on Y/n to shove her into a wall. He’d never used his abilities on her like that, she’d felt anger towards her brother before but this was pure rage. As if she’d done it all her life, she threw her hand out towards Ben and he went backwards straight into the cockpit and fell onto the dashboard. Unfortunately, he fell on the button that powered up the ship and it roared to life. The siblings looked at each other in horror, partially at what Y/n had just done and partially at what their father was going to do to them. Ben slammed his hand down on the button and powered the ship down quickly as he heard Han and Chewie coming inside.

“What the hell are you two doing in here?!” Han yelled through the ship as he approached the cockpit.

“How many times have I told you to NEVER touch ANYTHING in this room unless I say so?” Han asked with a raised tone, Chewie roaring in support behind him. “Well?”

Y/n opened her mouth to speak and beg for her father’s forgiveness, when she was cut off by her brother.

“We were running around and I slipped and hit the button. I promise it was an accident, Dad, I’m really sorry.” Ben explained, Han looking over at him before turning to Y/n.

“But I was the one that was chasing him, so it’s really my fault.” Y/n interjected, “I’m sorry, Dad, we should have been more careful.”

Han ran a hand through his hair and grumbled something. “Alright, alright. I’ll let your mother deal with the two of you when she gets back. Now Chewie and I are gonna finish up out there,” he pointed a finger at them both, “No more running.” With that, Chewie and him left.

Y/n wrapped her arms around him and cried into his shirt, “I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry. I swear I didn’t mean to do that!”

“Y/n, I’m not even mad anymore. How long have you known you could use the Force?” Ben asked as he pulled her away so he could see her face.

She sniffled, “I didn’t! I swear I never knew about it, I would have told you if I’d known!”

Ben let out an astonished laugh, “This is so cool! Mom’s gonna be ao excited when you show her! Dad probably won’t like it but-“

”Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ben.” Y/n took a step back and dried her eyes, “They can’t ever know about this. EVER.”

”Why would you not tell them?”

Y/n motioned to the dashboard, “Do you not remember what just happened? I hurt you! I’m not ever doing that again.”

Ben rolled his eyes, “Okay, yeah, and I’ll get you back for it at some point but Y/n, you can’t just keep this to yourself.”

”Yes, I can and yes, I am. Ben,” Y/n walked towards him and held his hand, “The feeling that went through me when I pushed you, it was...scary. I felt like I didn’t have control and that’s how you ended up hurt. I don’t want to risk hurting you or anybody else.”

Ben sighed and pulled her into his arms, he didn’t agree with her at all but he couldn’t force her into using her abilities. He also didn’t understand what it was like to discover that power. He’d grown up using the Force, it was second nature to him.

Y/n pulled back after a moment, “Promise me this stays between us. Mom and Dad can’t ever find out UNLESS I decide to tell them.”

Ben nodded sadly, “I promise.”

”I’m serious, nothing to anyone. And that includes Uncle Chewie.”

He scoffed, “Y/n, I would never betray you. I promise.”

—————-

I couldn’t sleep.

I’d hidden in my room all day, too shaken to do anything else after my training session. I’d skipped dinner, I’d ignored knocks at my door, I’d shut everyone and everything out. Come 10 o’ clock, I changed into pajamas and climbed into bed ready to put an end to the day.

Ha. Right.

I tossed and turned for two hours before I gave up and threw the covers off. I was tired, but clearly not enough to sleep. I went to my desk, grabbed the robe that hung off the chair and tied it around my body. I opened my door and left my room, pressing the lock on the datapad and watching the door close.

It was late so there were hardly any people moving through the residential part of the base. There was one pilot coming back from a mission, a tech worker who’d clearly been working all evening...

The general’s daughter who was wandering around base in her pajamas thinking about the lightsaber sitting in her room.

There were reasons for my conflicting feelings towards using the Force. The first time I’d ever used it was out of anger to hurt someone I loved. That was reason enough to be worried about it happening again one day. But over the years of secret training sessions, I’d gained better control of my emotions. I’d grown up seeing my Force-sensitive mother use it only for good, but I’d also witnessed the dark side of it in it’s purest form.

And I’d witnessed it in the person I loved the most in the galaxy.

At the thought of my brother, I leaned my head against the nearest wall and stopped walking. It didn’t matter how many years it had been, losing him still felt like a fresh wound. Maybe the wound had never closed because I was fighting a war and it wasn’t with him at my side. The rest of the galaxy saw the war as the Resistance vs. the First Order, but for me it was brother vs. sister in a fight they never should have been in.

I pushed off the wall and continued down the hallway, passing the empty cafeteria and a few offices. Reading the names of my peers on the plaques next to their doors, I felt envious. All these people knew who they were and exactly what they were doing their lives. I was Leia’s daughter, I was expected to know exactly what I was doing at all times when privately, I was a complete mess. I was fighting a war against my brother, my family had been torn apart, and there was a lightsaber sitting in my room that I simultaneously loved and hated. I wanted so badly to be as stable and steady as my fellow commamnders, the people that answered to me deserved that from me. I wanted to do my part in this war and make sure the First Order’s reign of terror across the galaxy ended.

I just wished things weren’t so complicated.

Somehow, I’d ended up on the opposite end of base outside the hanger. It made sense that my feet naturally carried me there, it’s where I spent most of my free time. Whether it was bringing Jess lunch when she was too busy to leave, watching potential recruits run test flights or helping Poe with repairs on his ship...

Speak of the devil, there he was doing just that. Only the bottom half of his body was visible as his top half was buried in the cockpit of his X-Wing. Intrigued as to his reason for not being in the cantina drinking his squad under the table, I made my way over to him.

“Someone looks surprisingly sober.”

His head popped up at the sound of my voice, turning on the ladder he was standing on to face me,

“The parts came in to fix the guidance system,” he said, wiping his hands on a dirty rag, “Shots with Snap and Jess can wait.”

I hummed in acknowledgement and came to stand below his ladder. Poe turned back around and continued working, “Why are you up so late?”

I put a hand on the ladder, “Can’t sleep, my brain and I aren’t getting along.”

Poe chuckled, “How so?”

”Well, I wanted to sleep but my head thinks that I should evaluate every regret, problem and emotional trauma I’ve ever had.”

He stood to his full height and took a few steps down the ladder, “Well, forget the cantina, you’re having all the fun tonight.”

I laughed and pressed my forehead against the ladder, Poe took a seat on a step so we were face to face. He was dressed in his orange jumpsuit, but it was tied at his waist, and a tight grey tee shirt. He looked surprisingly awake for the time, whereas I looked like a Corellian freighter had hit me.

“You wanna talk about it?”

I shook my head gently against the cool steel of the ladder. Poe was no stranger to my family history, I’d talked to him before about my brother but I could only say so much. Poe naturally looked at Kylo Ren as pure evil, I saw my brother who’d been misled and manipulated by a dark force.

He sighed, “Well, how about we take your mind off of all these deep dark secrets you’re keeping from me?”

I had to stop mself from laughing, if only he knew...

“What’re you thinking, Dameron?”

Mischief came over his face immediately, he gestured up to the massive ship we were standing below. I connected the dots, quickly realizing his ingenious idea,

“No,” I said firmly, causing Poe to smile.

“Yes.” He replied.

“You already almost killed me once today and I’m pretty sure I said I was never flying with you again.”

Poe started zipping up his flight suit, “Yeah, and you’ve said that a hundred times yet you always get back in a ship with me.”

He had me there, Poe was reckless and impulsive yet for some reason, I still trusted him with my life.

He was already climbing the ladder and awaiting my reply expectantly. I looked to him, rolled my eyes and followed him up. Once I was at the top, he was already seated and I realized where I’d be sitting,

“How the hell are you going to fly safely with me sitting on your lap?”


A coy smile appeared on his face, “Guess you’ll have to find out.”

Rolling my eyes, I awkwardly stepped in between Poe’s legs and looked behind to see where I was going to land. Why did this feel like it was crossing some sort of line in our friendship? One part of my mind was protesting and the other part was practically shoving my body down happily. Splitting the difference, I cautiously sunk down onto my friend’s lap. Poe placed his hands on my hips without warning to situate the both of us. The warmth of his touch sept through my thin robe and pajamas, simultaneously making me nervous and at ease.

Poe flipped a switch that turned on his beloved ship, I leaned back to look at him. He looked like he did earlier in the day; happy, content, relaxed.

“Ready?”

I smiled softly, “Let’s fly, Dameron.”

Without me realizing, he’d grabbed hold of the controls and lifted us up in the air. I’d flown all my life, but never in an X-Wing, and it moved much differently than the ships I’d piloted. Poe guided us out of the hanger and before I knew it, we were flying above D’Qar’s lush landscapes.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“We’re not going anywhere, just for a fly.” Poe replied as he made a slow left turn to get us further from base. “I’m also going to teach you how to fly an X-Wing.”

“Seriously?” I asked with a little too much excitement in my voice.

He smiled at my eagerness, “Well, you’re gonna learn how to steer at least. Okay, the joystick’s pretty sensitive so you’ve got to be careful. And make sure not to press any of the buttons, especally the red one or we’re going to eject right out of the ship.”

I blew out a breath, “Right, no pressure.”

“Pfft, if you’ve flown the Millenium Falcon, you can handle this.”

“I never said I flew it, you just seemed to assume that I had.” I pointed out quickly, turning my head to face him.

“Yeah, and you’ve never once denied it.” Poe said smugly as if he’d trapped me.

“Are we going to argue or are we going to fly?” I asked loudly.

“I’m sure we’ll find a way to do both,” Poe replied, while making a small turn, “Alright, grab the joystick.”

He let go with one hand and I took hold of it, once I had a grip he let go with his other. I was officially flying an X-Wing on my own.

I laughed, “This is so cool!”

Poe seemed to enjoy how enthusiastic I was, “If this is how excited you get just going straight, I can’t imagine what you’ll be like when you do something complex.”

A smirk appeared on my face, “What, you mean like this?”

Without warning, I pulled up on the joystick sending us straight up in the air. Poe let out a yelp and his arms flew to my waist, I maneuvered the stick so we’d do a loop. Once we’d straightened out, I started laughing, partially from adrenaline and partially from Poe’s reaction.

“What the hell, Y/n?!”

“Now you know what it’s like to fly with you!” I replied, stlll laughing. His arms were wrapped tightly around my waist still as if he was afraid I was going to do it again. He’d started laughing with me and had his forehead pressed between my shoulder blades. This was another one of those warm, relaxed moments that I wished we could share more often. But somehow tonight felt like...different.

“Alright, daredevil, I’m taking us back to base.” Poe said, reaching around me to take control of the ship. I found myself missing his arms as soon as they were gone from my waist.

Within a few minutes, we were landing in the hanger. Poe pressed the button that extended the ladder to the ground and I climbed down first, him following suit.

“That was pretty fun, I’ll hand it to you.” I said as we leisurely strolled out of the hanger into the halls.

“Glad I could help get your mind off of things,” Poe replied, “And, of course, I just brought up whatever you’re trying to avoid.”

He sounded dejected in his last sentence, ”It’s okay,” I put my hand on his arm, “Tonight was great but my problems were going to be waiting for me as soon as I got back to my room.”

“Then don’t go back to your room tonight.” Poe stated nonchalantly.

“So your solution is me going and snuggling with my mommy?”

He chuckled, “No, you can stay with me.”

There it was, that feeling that I’d gotten several times tonight. When I’d sat down in his lap, praying that he didn’t sense how awkward I felt. When he’d wrapped his arms around me and lingered for a few minutes. What had suddenly changed between us where Poe and I put in more intimate situations and I felt nervous?

I tried not to let the tone of my thoughts come out in my words, “Stay with you?”

“Well, yeah,” Poe said, shrugging his shoulders and stopping in our path, “You need sleep and I know you well enough to know you’re going to stay up all night worrying if you’re alone.”

I let out a small laugh, sometimes I forgot how well he knew me. That’s exactly what was going to happen. With Poe there, I’d be forced to try and get some sleep. Against my better judgement, listening to the part of my mind that loved being wrapped in his arms moments ago, I caved...

“Alright, it’s worth a shot.”

Looking victorious, we continued down the hall making a different turn towards Poe’s quarters. He wasn’t too far from my own, we were both commanders, but I was closer to my mother’s room. We arrived at his door and he entered his code into the datapad, letting me in first.

Poe’s quarters were fairly minimalistic. A few knickknacks he’d picked up during his travels stood on his desk. A picture of him and his father, Kes, was pinned to the wall while one of him and Black Squadron hung next to it. BB-8’s charging station laid in a corner, the lovable droid himself plugged in alraedy and turned off. A few jackets and clothes were strewn on chairs, and his bed that stood close to the door. I’d been here dozens of times, yet this time I felt like I was paying more attention to my surroundings.

“I’m gonna do us both a favor and wash up real quick, go ahead and make yourself comfortable.” Poe said, grabbing some clothes from his dresser amd disappearing into his bathroom.

I sat down on the edge of his bed and put my head in my hands, chuckling at my situation. I could think of a dozen girls on base who would renounce their families to spend a night with the legendary Poe Dameron. Here I was trying to slow my suddenly rapid heartbeat at the thought of sleeping next to him, my best friend. When the hell did this happen? I stood up, untied my robe and hung it off of Poe’s desk chair. Walking back to the bed, I flipped over the covers on one side and crawled under.

After a few minutes, Poe exited the bathroom and I peeked over at him. He’d changed into a pair of grey sweatpants and a black tank top that clung tightly to his torso. His eyes fell on me and he gave a soft smile, as if the sight of me in his bed made him happy. He switched off the light to the room and walked over to his side of the bed. I wasn’t sure how to position myself, standard issue beds were fairly small and we’d definitely be somewhat up against each other. He turned on his side and I did the same,

“Thank you for this...It’s just been a stressful day.” I said quietly, I didn’t have to speak very loud considering our faces were only a few inches apart.

“I get it, or maybe I don’t, we won’t know till you talk to me,” he said, his last words spoken in a singsong tone.

I laughed, “Not tonight, remember? Tonight’s about distracting me.”

Even in the dark, I could see that familiar eyebrow going up, “I can think of several things we haven’t tried yet.”

I hoped the darkness concealed my suddenly red cheeks. Usually I could dish it back out to him without a second thought, but tonight I found myself trying not to let my mind drift to the ideas Poe was alluding to.

“Yeah,” I spoke up, “Like going to sleep.”


Poe comically rolled his eyes, “Fine, if you want to go the boring route.”

I reached over and placed a hand on his bicep, “Thanks for always being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Hey, that goes both ways, sweetheart.” Poe replied, reaching up to gently run his hand up and down my arm. His touch created goosebumps I hoped he wouldn’t feel, but knew he could. For just a second as we looked into each other’s eyes, I thought I saw his flicker to my lips. But it was too quick a movement to confirm.

“C’mere,” he mumbled, opening his arms to me.

My body went into autopilot mode and I moved into his arms before giving it a second thought. I placed one of my hands on his chest and wrapped the other around his torso. I could feel his mother’s ring that hung from his neck under his tank top. One of his hands cradled my head and the other was splayed out on my back, anchoring me to him. This was the most comfortable and at ease I thought I’d ever been in my life. Poe’s skin smelled fresh from the shower, his firm grip on my back was comforting and his body was the type of warmth you could lose yourself in.

Well, if we hadn’t crossed a line already tonight, I was pretty sure we had now...

“Get some sleep, Y/n.” Poe whispered, resting his chin on top of my head. I softly hummed in agreement as I felt myself already beginning to drift off...

————

A/N: Well, that’s all she wrote. Actually, she wrote many scenes that didn’t make it in but whatever...We’re slowly starting to piece together the Reader and Ben’s history, honestly that’s one of my favorite parts to write. Next week, we jump into TFA. In the words of Anakin Skywalker, this is where the fun begins 😏 Hope you enjoy!!

Taglist: @m1rkw00dpr1ncess @springfox04 @constantdisgrace @holybatflapexpert @seninjakitey @tammythompson-singslikea-muppet @leilei-draws @eternal-fandoms

[fandoms-are-my-lifestyle]

I got it all (but I don’t ever wanna grow up)

The Bright Sessions • Adam Hayes / Caleb Michaels, Mark Bryant / Oliver Ritz Rating: T • ~5.2k words • AO3 For @staystrange tw:  description of panic attacks

He fills Mark in on everything that happened. It seems like so long ago now, before everything with Sodalis Eximius and Adam and Oliver, and yet it’s still so fresh in his mind - the horror of influencing someone else’s emotions now amplified by the knowledge of what it looks like when someone does use that ability for evil. He will never be like Blackwell - Adam certainly spends enough time trying to remind him of that, and though he will never truly believe him, it helps - but the knowledge of what he could do still leaves him waking up in a cold sweat. His nightmares place him in Blackwell’s stead, the book a constant murmur of emotions telling him how to feel. It’s overwhelming and terrifying and -

“Caleb?” Mark says after a moment. “Have you considered taking off for a year?”

Or: Caleb struggles with his powers, his life decisions, and what he wants after the events of The College Tapes.

The day Adam gets into Yale's English graduate program begins one of the worst mental breakdowns of Caleb Michaels’s life. 

It's late Friday morning; they're lying on Adam's bed in his apartment, still under the covers. Adam's hair tickles Caleb's chin and they probably both have an awful case of morning breath, but Caleb wouldn't move for all the money in the world. He finally has this again, has Adam again, and even three months after everything he hasn't stopped marveling at his luck. 

Adam's blue mixes Caleb’s yellow satisfaction, they're green with contentment, and Caleb relishes in it, delighting in the quiet of -

BANG. 

"Adam?!" A voice shouts from outside. Caitlin. "Adam, did you check?! Did you-"

Adam goes from warm-comfort-blue to black-anxious-sludge in a manner of seconds, eyes and hands anxiously darting everywhere. 

"Phone... phone... Caleb, where's my-"

Caleb wordlessly hands him his phone, the screen already unlocked to show Adam’s home screen, but Adam barely spares him a glance. Caleb can hear Adam’s heart racing, and his own heartbeat picks up the pace to match it. There are four awful, agonizing beats of silence, before -

“I GOT IN!” 

The exhilaration hits Caleb in a rush of blue, flooding his core with exhilaration, and they’re screaming, jumping on Adam’s bed, and dancing around; Caitlin joins them, and the three dance around like fools until they all flop to the floor. 

“What do you say, Adam?” Caitlin says, the light in her eyes mirroring the happy bubbles in her lavender excitement. “Three more years at Yale?”

“As if you could drag me away,” Adam says, and god, he sounds so happy, so relieved, and Caleb wants to sink into that feeling and hold onto it forever. “You’re the deserter here, not me.” 

“Hey!” Caitlin shrieks, reaching over Caleb to shove at Adam. “Desert this, motherfuck-” 

“Okay, okay, okay, Caitlin,” Caleb chuckles, shoving her off his chest with a grunt. “Not our fault you chose Duke over Yale Law!”

“They offered me more financial aid,” Caitlin pouts for the thousandth time since she’d chosen where to commit. “It’s not my fault Yale doesn’t want to keep me!”

“We get it, Caitlin, don’t worry.” Adam chuckles, then turns to Caleb. “By the way, babe, did you ever look into the clinical psych program like you said you would? I know the application isn’t due for a bit, but it’s never too early to start researching, right?”

“Uhm…” Caleb says, and the happy blue glow is still there but now Caleb’s own sickly yellow dread is there, taking over everything, and he needs to get out of here before he ruins everything again. He breathes in deep, as Dr. Bright had taught him, and contains his dread within his own chest before it can come leaking out like water through a sieve. “Yeah, I, uh- I-”

“Caleb?” Adam asks, dark navy worry seeping into cyan happiness and making Caleb feel even worse. “Are you-”

“Ihavetogo!” Caleb jolts up. His heart is pounding in his ears and he can’t see can’t breathe he needs to leave he needs to go needs to - “Fuck, um, I’m gonna. Gonna go for a. Run, I’m gonna go run.” He grabs a pair of shorts from his drawer in Adam’s dresser, socks and shoes thrown on before Caitlin and Adam blink, and then he’s gone.

His feet hit the pavement hard, sending shockwaves through his body, and for a moment Caleb wishes Ben was beside him. They’re the perfect running partner, surprisingly good at knowing when Caleb needs to talk and when he needs to be silent, and right now Caleb wishes he could talk to Ben, or Sadie, or Frankie, but he also doesn’t want to worry them, and he knows that it’s stupid but -

His phone is in his hand.

You’ve reached Mark, for some reason. It’s 2017, last I checked - just text me. Or, you know, leave a message if you must. 

“Mark,” Caleb gasps out, and he’s breathless from running but also from panic. “Mark, I- I- fuck, this was stupid. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called, it’s just, you said- I mean- fuck-” 

He breaks off and takes a breath, wishing for Dr. Bright (Call me Joan, Caleb, I think we’ve been through enough at this point) and her calm beige professionalism, or Frankie’s bubbly orange happiness, or Adam’s easy blue to fill his lungs and let him breathe again.  

“I just- You remember when I asked you, you know… if you knew… I mean. I guess you are grown up now, right? But. How did you- I mean- God this is stupid.”

He hangs up, hands shaking, and there’s no one around him but he’s still so filled with emotion he feels like he could burst. The run isn’t helping, and he kinda wants to scream, because the thought of graduating and having to choose what happens next is - 

His phone rings. 

“H-Hello?”

“Caleb? Oh god, Caleb.” Mark. He sounds… worried? Relieved? All of the above? “Caleb, are you okay? I just got your message - you’re so lucky I emptied my voicemail recently, by the way, I can’t believe - but that’s beside the point, Caleb, what happened?”

“Adam,” Caleb starts, and then gulps in a breath and starts again. “Adam got into Yale English, which, like, we fucking knew was gonna happen, because they would have had to be fucking stupid not to take him, but-”

“Okay, okay, Caleb, deep breath,” Mark instructs, and Caleb is so glad Mark’s the person he called. Mark is no Joan Bright, but some of his sister’s instincts have clearly leaked through. 

“Come on, breathe with me Caleb… In for four… One… Two…”

Caleb listens to the sound of Mark’s voice and breathes and breathes, trying to focus on the feeling of the grass under his hands and - when did he end up on the ground? But he’s breathing and the emotions have stopped leaking out of him like a cracked dam, panic-worry-anxiety giving way to calm. 

God, he’s lucky New Haven is pretty much dead right now - leaking emotions like this, his influence on other people could have gotten very bad very quickly. Just the thought makes his breathing pick up again, but he tries his best to focus on Mark’s voice instead. 

Mark has switched from counting to a steady monologue about his latest date with Oliver, during which Mark had taken Oliver to the MIT Museum of Science so that Oliver could show off how much smarter he is than the MIT scientists. Mark’s pretending to have been annoyed by it, using a nasal voice to imitate Oliver’s insults, but Caleb can feel the lightness behind Mark’s voice even over the phone. He focuses on that lightness, on the cool grass under his legs, and lets himself come down.

“Hey, Mark?” He says finally, cutting off Mark’s explanation of the diner they’d gone to after the museum. 

“Yeah, buddy?” 

“Thanks,” Caleb says, and he’s not sure what he’s even thanking Mark for - calling him back, calming him down, or just being there - but the words resonate with everything he doesn’t have the words to say. 

“Anytime,” Mark answers gently. “Are you ready to talk about it?”

“Yeah…” Caleb takes a deep breath. “I just… Fuck, Mark, I don’t know if I can do psych anymore.”

“What? Caleb, you… Why not? What happened?”

Caleb exhales and lets his head loll back, hitting the tree trunk he’s leaning against with a soft thump. “So… remember that internship I had last summer?”

He fills Mark in on everything that happened. It seems like so long ago now, before everything with Sodalis Eximius and Adam and Oliver, and yet it’s still so fresh in his mind - the horror of influencing someone else’s emotions now amplified by the knowledge of what it looks like when someone does use that ability for evil. He will never be like Blackwell -  Adam certainly spends enough time trying to remind him of that, and though he will never truly believe him, it helps - but the knowledge of what he could do still leaves him waking up in a cold sweat. His nightmares place him in Blackwell’s stead, the book a constant murmur of emotions telling him how to feel. It’s overwhelming and terrifying and -

“Caleb?” Mark says after a moment. “Have you considered taking off for a year?”

“Taking… off?”

“Well, I mean, don’t pull an Oliver and go gallivanting through Europe for a year without telling anyone, but… maybe a break from school would do you good? You could, I don’t know, get a job or something. You’re planning on moving in with Adam in New Haven after you graduate anyway, aren’t you?”

“Uh, yeah, I mean we were definitely thinking about it, but-”

“Caleb.” Mark’s voice is soft but firm, anchoring Caleb to the present. “What’s stopping you? Take a year, figure out what you want. Life doesn’t stop after college, remember?” 

“Yeah…” Caleb breathes, shaky but getting calmer. “Yeah, I…”

“You okay, buddy?” 

(Caleb loves it when Mark calls him buddy. He pretends to hate it, pretends to hate how childish it is as a nickname, but Mark is the older brother he never got to have and Caleb loves him.)

“Yeah, I think… I think I have to talk to Adam. And my parents.” 

“You do that, Caleb.” The amusement in Mark’s voice is undercut by the softness of it, and Caleb loves his brother so much. “And hey, Caleb?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, little bro.”

Caleb laughs, low and breathy. “I love you too, Mark. Say hi to Oliver and Joan for me?”

“Of course. Everything's going to be okay, Caleb, I promise. Oh, also, Joanie said to call her when you get a sec. Something about what you talked about last time?”

“Yeah. I will. Thanks again, Mark. Bye.”

“Bye!”

Mark hangs up, and Caleb closes his eyes for a moment before heaving himself to his feet and pointing himself back the way he came.

Back home.

Back to Adam.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me for this twig,” Sadie jokes over the last of his boxes. “Who’s going to hit the gym with you now, Michaels?”

“He doesn’t need you anymore, Sadie!” Adam sasses back, cerulean playfulness resting lightly in Caleb’s chest. Adam’s rifling through boxes, trying to find their bottle opener (“I know it’s in one of the kitchen boxes, Caleb, but which one?”) and Caleb is sitting on the floor because they still only have like two chairs, and one is being taken up by Caitlin and the other has been commandeered by Ben. Frankie’s flitting from one room to the next, keeping up a constant commentary of thoughts, and underlying it all is green contentment.

If Caleb could freeze any moment in time to live in forever, he thinks this would be it - surrounded by friends, in this tiny shoebox apartment he and Adam now live in. Together. 

It doesn’t get more official than that.

“Michaels!” Sadie yells, effectively snapping Caleb out of his reverie. “This one says he’s your new gym partner!”

“Wait wait wait, hold up, I never said anything of the sort,” Adam defends himself, gesturing wildly with the now-located bottle opener. “All I said was that now that you got this job at the gym, you didn’t need Sadie to be your partner anymore! You’re gonna be training other people or whatever one does in a gym, I don’t fucking know, but I never signed up for any gym-going of my own, thank you very much.” 

“Objection, your honor-” Sadie starts, giggling. “I-”

“Overruled!” Caitlin yells, pulling Frankie down on top of her. “On the grounds of my hunger! And we’re waiting for that bottle opener, Adam, so if you wouldn’t mind...” 

“You got it, Cait,” Caleb laughs. They’d ordered takeout from a place down the road and for a while there’s no sound other than chewing and the occasional “can someone pass me a napkin?” Someone eventually turns on Caleb’s laptop, and they dig out Adam’s clunky old projector to watch Mamma Mia! for the ten-thousandth time. 

“So Caleb,” Ben says somewhere in between “Lay All Your Love On Me” and “Super Trouper,” “What’s this new job you’ve got anyways?”

Caleb turns to look up at them from the floor. Ben, in true queer fashion, is lying with their feet propped on the top of the chair and their head hanging upside down off the seat, and Caleb feels his heart fill with love. Ben’s come so far in the past year, and Caleb… well, Ben will never not be his kid sibling, after all that. 

“It’s a Physical Trainer position at Yale New Haven Health’s gym,” he answers finally. “They offered to pay for my training and everything. I guess they really liked me or something.”

“Of course they did,” Adam mumbles. He’s resting somewhere between sleep and awake, head tucked into the crook of Caleb’s neck, which Caleb would absolutely be teasing Adam for if Caleb wasn’t so completely besotted by the sight. God, he loves this man. “They'd be stupid not to.”

Adam looks up at Caleb, eyes soft with sleep as “Super Trouper” plays from Caleb’s laptop, and Caleb can feel himself falling in love with Adam all over again. He thinks back to what Mark had said on the phone all those weeks ago - Life doesn’t stop after college, remember? - and knows in his gut that he’s made the right choice. He doesn’t need grad school to be happy; doesn’t need a fancy degree like a PsyD. 

All he needs is this family he’s made for himself, and Adam beside him for as long as Adam’s willing to stay. 

With these people around him, he knows he can do anything.

<<From the Voicemail Box of Dr. Joan Bright.>>

Please record your message after the tone. When you are finished recording, press 1 for more options

>> Hey, Dr. Brig- uh, I mean, Joan. Right. Sorry, I know you said I could call you Joan after graduation, since I'm, like, no longer your patient and like an adult now or whatever, but… fuck. That's weird. Um. It's Caleb.

>> Anyways, just calling to let you know that I met with that Atypical therapist you recommended to me today… uh, Alene Orwell? Yeah, her. She's pretty cool, and it's good to know I have someone I can talk to if I need here in New Haven, but… She's not you. Is it weird of me to say I miss you? Fuck. Probably. Sorry, I made it weird. 

>> So, um, yeah. I was just calling to keep you updated. Adam says hi, by the way. Oh, and Ben was wondering if you knew anyone who could help them talk to their parents about the Atypical thing in New York? I guess they finally decided to clue in their parents, but like. I don't really have any advice for them there, so I told them I'd ask. 

>> Yeah. That's all. Um, say hi to Mark and Sam and Jackson for me. I'll talk to you later. Bye!

End of Final Message. 

Working at YNHH’s gym fits Caleb better than he ever thought it would.

It’s not that he hasn’t been a gym rat since high school - the 2.7 pound jar of protein powder Adam teases him about schlepping up the three flights of stairs to their apartment at least once a month definitely defines him as a “meathead,” as Adam would say - it’s that the focused emotions of everyone around him sit warmly in his chest like a clean sweat after a good workout.  People come to the gym with one plan in mind - get in, work out, get out - and the focus behind their drive pushes Caleb to heights he never thought he’d reach.

He loves it. 

His coworkers are great too - Jen with her stick-straight black hair tied in a bun so tight it looks like it probably hurts; her girlfriend Amora, who can lift more than Caleb and will never let him forget it; Greg and Jake, frat bros turned personal trainers and roommates who are constantly bemoaning their singleness and don’t make it weird when Caleb brings up his boyfriend; Caleb’s manager, Tommy, who gives out warm cozy hugs like handshakes and lets the trainers pretty much do what they want as long as they’re not bothering patrons. There’s always a good rapport going between them.

Caleb teaches a weights class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and trains clients on other days. He’s got favorites already, people who come in with single handed focus to be better-faster-stronger, and the rush of adrenaline and joy that he feels whenever they succeed in something leaves him buoyant. Caleb is good at this; he’s a good trainer and a good coworker and he loves what he does. 

He loves it… but he’s not passionate about it. 

He remembers being passionate about psychology, before his ability went haywire and he stopped being able to control it. He still runs through all the parts of the brain and their uses when he gets anxious as a method of distraction, still finds himself reading psych research journals in his spare time and accidentally psychoanalyzing clients like they’re patients. 

He’s still not ready to go back, though. 

Dr. Alene Orwell - Dr. Bright’s recommendation for an Atypical therapist here in New Haven, a tall white woman with flyaway black curls and kind eyes - tells him it’s okay not to be ready. She reminds him that he’s still working on control, still working on trusting himself again, and that it’ll take time to get back to where he was before. She tells him to talk to Adam. 

It’s just - it’s hard, sometimes, to tell Adam about this part of him. Not because Adam wouldn’t understand - he would, he definitely would - but because Adam is so happy as a graduate student at Yale, writing his dissertation on Shakespeare and his influence on queer literature, and Caleb is so, so afraid that he’s going to ruin it. He’s terrified that showing Adam how much he wants to go back to psych - and how much he can’t trust himself to do so ethically - will scare him away from academia, from Caleb, forever.

Logically, he knows his fears are silly. Adam isn’t driven away by superpowers or time ghosts or the way Caleb’s sneakers smell after he gets home from a long day at the gym; he wouldn’t be scared off by Caleb’s stupid insecurities. 

Practically, though… 

Caleb couldn’t stand to feel Adam’s love for him turn to pity. He refuses. 

It’s not like it matters, anyway. He likes his job, likes where he’s at, and his family - both blood and found - is only a phone call or a roadtrip away. 

He just… wasn’t cut out for psych the way he’d thought he was. Maybe helping people work out would replace the way helping people in therapy had once made him feel. 

It would have to be enough.

“I have to commend you, Caleb,” Dr. Orwell says during their next session. “You’ve come a long way with controlling your ability and not having it affect other people. I’m impressed.”

Caleb blushes down at his hands, staring anywhere but at Dr. Orwell. He knows she’s right, knows he’s gotten better at learning when the tendrils of emotion are snaking out of him like pit vipers and that he’s finally gotten the hang of pulling them back. It’s an odd feeling, feeling tendrils of emotions leaking from his body like a sieve, but he’s gotten used to it. He can control it now. 

He’s not as afraid anymore. He’s gotten better at differentiating between his emotions and everyone else’s; he’s learned what it feels like when he forces someone to feel what he feels. 

(Adam had volunteered to be a test subject for that one; they’d gone into Dr. Orwell’s office together, hand in hand, and Caleb had made him happy, then sad, angry, then calm. Caleb had nearly run out of the room crying afterwards, had nearly vomited all over Dr. Orwell’s carpet, but she’d insisted that it was important for him to know what it felt like and, well, Adam had offered. That didn’t really make him feel better, but Adam’s willingness to kiss him and comfort him afterwards while Caleb cried did help.)

He leaves Dr. Orwell’s office feeling lighter than he has in years, since before his Pokémon evolution occurred, and actually finds himself whistling on his way to work. The tune is from some indie band Adam’s gotten him into recently - The Amazing something? Apparently the male singer was in a show that Adam watched on Netflix the other week, and he’s pretty decent. The songs are pretty catchy, that’s for sure. 

He’s still whistling as he clocks in and starts to prepare the weights room for his class, wiping down the surfaces and sweeping the floor clean, when he feels it.

PanicDreadShockFearOhShitICan’tBreathePanicDreadICan’t-

The panic comes on so fast it nearly drops Caleb to the floor. He’s hyperventilating, heart pounding in his ears and he can’t breathe but - 

It’s not his panic. 

The realization hits Caleb almost as fast as the panic had; it’s swift and makes his blood run cold, turning his veins to ice as he tries to isolate his feelings from this intrusion. He breathes in deep, the way Dr. Bright and Dr. Orwell always instructed him to do, and focuses on the churning panic that’s settled just to the right of his rib cage. 

It’s not his, he knows that for certain; it’s a particular shade of red he would never ascribe to himself, but it’s there, and it's definitely bad. 

Caleb doesn’t hesitate. He drops everything and runs towards the feeling. 

The panic grows stronger the closer he gets to it and Caleb kind of wants to give up, kind of wants to drop to the ground and hyperventilate, but he knows that whoever is feeling this way needs help. There’s barely anyone else around the gym right now. If anyone is going to help this person, it’s going to have to be him.

The source of the panic ends up being a young girl, probably only a little bit younger than Caleb himself - maybe twenty? She’s sitting on the floor of an abandoned workout room, and it only takes a second for Caleb to realize that everything not attached to the floor is levitating. 

Atypical. This woman is Atypical.

For a moment, Caleb is frozen. There’s iron in his veins and his feet are made of lead; this woman is panicking, is making things levitate, and Caleb isn’t doing anything to help her. He can’t do anything to help her.

Except… that’s not true, is it? 

He’s trained for this, he knows how to help people who are panicking. Knows how to help Atypicals who are panicking. He doesn’t even need his powers to do it. 

It’s that thought that spurs him on, forcing one foot in front of another until he’s in front of the woman. She’s breathing harshly, eyes unfocused, and doesn’t seem to notice him even when Caleb kneels down in front of her. 

“Hey,” he says softly, and her eyes snap to him. She tries to move away from him, burrowing farther into the corner she’s placed herself in, and Caleb frowns. He moves away from her slightly, doing his best to make himself seem less imposing if he can. It’s not exactly easy to make a jacked 6’2” former football player seem small, but Caleb tries his best. 

“Hey,” he says again calmly, as if he’s talking to a wounded animal. “My name is Caleb Michaels, I’m a personal trainer here at the gym. You’re at the YNHH gym, in an equipment room. It’s Thursday, about 1:30 pm…”

He keeps talking, reminding the woman where she is, and interspersing his own name and identity often so she doesn’t come to and immediately panic again. 

Slowly, slowly, he can feel the woman start to come back to herself. She’s still shaking, body trembling with every breath, but the various pieces of gym equipment have stopped floating around their heads and her emotions have stopped feeling like sludge in Caleb’s chest, which he definitely considers a win. “That’s it,” he says encouragingly. “Can you tell me your name?”

“... Emily,” She says finally. “Emily Harris.”

“Nice to meet you, Emily,” Caleb says. He’s keeping his voice soft, almost whispering, but inwardly he’s smiling like a fool. She’s going to be okay. “I’m Caleb. Can you tell me where you are?”

“At the… the gym. I was- I- I wanted to get in a, a workout before c-class… it’s…what time is it?”

“About 1:45,” Caleb tells her. Her face sags in relief. “Can you tell me what happened, Emily?” 

“I- um, I-” she starts, and suddenly her breathing catches. “Oh my god, you saw- I mean- you- I- ohmigod nononononono you-”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay, Emily,” Caleb soothes. “Here, um, what are five things you can see right now? Just list them.”

“You, the mirror, the weights… my water bottle… the cabinets…”

“Good,” Caleb says encouragingly. He can almost feel Dr. Bright’s presence over his shoulder and tries his best to emulate her calm collectedness. “Now four things you can feel.”

He leads her through the exercise until her breathing starts to calm down again. She’s fisted a hand in her own hair, pulling like the pain will keep her centered in reality, and Caleb reaches toward it. When she doesn’t flinch, he gently untangles her fingers from her hair and they instantly grasp his own, as if letting go would mean becoming untethered from her own tentative calm. 

“You’re alright,” he tells her again, gently running his thumb over her knuckles. Obviously in training he was never to touch a patient, and Caleb knows better than to do so, but he figures he can chalk this one up to extenuating circumstances. “Are you ready to tell me what made you panic?”

“Why aren’t you freaking out right now?” she says finally, suspicious. “You just walked into a room where some freak girl was making everything levitate because of a panic-c attack. H-How are you so calm?”

Caleb smiles at her softly. “You’re Atypical, right?”

“You know what a-atypicals are?”

“Yeah,” he says, taking a deep breath. “I’m Atypical too. I’m an empath, it’s how I knew to come looking for you. I felt you panic.” 

“Sorry,” Emily says after a beat. “I- Just- Sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Caleb says. “Are you ready to talk about it now?”

“It’s stupid.” Emily blushes, eyes fixed firmly on the floor in front of her. “I… um. I’m normally in control, I promise, you know, I did one of those programs that-”

“The AM?” 

“Yeah, and, you know, I normally am really good at controlling it, but, um, my partner, they, um. They were in a car accident? Yesterday? And, like, they’re fine, and I’m super relieved, but I got, I mean, they texted me they were coming to get me from- from here, actually, and then I didn’t hear from them for like, three hours, because they were dealing with it and then I guess I never stopped to process it but now I’m back and they’re fine, but I- I-”

She stops, shuddering out a breath, and starts to cry. “I was just so worried, and then I came back today, and it was like- like-”

“Like it suddenly hit you all over again?” Caleb says. “I know how that feels. Sometimes, especially when you’re focused on other people, you forget to process events for yourself, until it suddenly all comes back and hits you like a ton of bricks. Your body was so focused on your partner that it probably forgot to focus on you too, and once it remembers, it’s like you’re experiencing everything all over again. It’s like the fight or flight instinct, kind of.”

“H-How do you know… so much?” Emily laughs wetly. “You really sound like you know what you’re talking about.”

“I… studied psychology in school, actually,” Caleb admits. “I was going to be a therapist. For Atypicals, actually.”

“What happened?” Emily asks curiously. Her breathing has evened out and she’s stopped crying; the ball of panic in Caleb’s chest has started to give way to calm curiosity. “Why didn’t you? You… Seems like you’d be really good at it. And you… you said you were an e-empath, right?”

Caleb laughs darkly. “Yeah, um, let’s just say I got… scared. Of my ability. And my own abilities, I guess. I, uh, wasn’t sure psychology was the right path for me anymore, so I, um, took a year off.” 

It’s hard to talk about this, and Caleb isn’t quite sure why he’s telling Emily this, but after talking her down from a full-on Atypical panic attack, he figures they’re not really strangers anymore. 

“You loved it,” Emily says suddenly with conviction. “I don’t… I don’t need to be an empath to know that. You like helping people.”

“Yeah,” Caleb admits softly. Emily’s words ring in his ears. She’s right, he knows - he had loved psychology, loved therapy, loved working with people to make them feel better. He…

He missed it. 

Maybe he was finally ready to admit that it was time to go back. 

“Come on,” Caleb says after a beat. He stands and holds out his hand to Emily, who takes it. “I’ll cancel my class, Tommy will understand. I’ll buy you a coffee, you can tell me more about this partner of yours.”

Emily smiles gratefully, and they leave the gym together.

The day Caleb gets into the University of Hartford’s PsyD program brings about the best decision of Caleb’s life. 

He and Adam are sitting on their couch in their pajamas; it’s almost ten pm, and Adam’s just started the next episode of the sitcom he and Caleb have been making their way through when he gets the email. 

“Adam,” he says, and he thinks his heart stops beating. “Adam, I got in.” 

Adam’s eyes light up, tiny suns boring into Caleb’s heart, and when Adam kisses him Caleb almost cries. It’s all coming to fruition. It’s all going to be okay. 

Adam looks so soft, face alight with happiness, wearing Caleb's old football sweatshirt and ratty old pajama pants, and Caleb honestly can't help himself. It's all going to work out. He's gotten into the University of Hartford's Clinical Psychology program, Adam is working his way through Yale's English program to get a doctorate in Shakespeare study because he's cool like that, and they're together and in love and everything is finally going well for them. 

"Marry me," he breathes, and Adam's breath leaves his body. "God, fuck, this wasn't how I wanted to do this, fuck, I have a ring and everything upstairs, I was going to do this properly, but… fuck, Adam, I love you. I never want to spend another moment without you. I know we can't live in a world of our own, just the two of us, but I want to create one with you. I want you, all of you, and I- fuck."

He gets down on one knee, looking at Adam, and it's like he can't breathe. He feels like he might cry. 

"Adam Hayes, will you marry me?"

"Caleb…" Adam breathes, and there are tears in his eyes. "Yes, Caleb, yes!"

He pulls Caleb back to his feet, and when Adam kisses him, Caleb feels hope bloom in his chest. 

Right now, everything is perfect. 

[reylofanfictionanthology]

Authors have now been revealed for For one is love and both are one in love!

Over 170 fics were posted to our Exchange this month and we are so excited to finally share the authors with you!  Thank you so much to all of the writers who wrote for this event!  

For one is love and both are one in love collection on AO3 |  Gift Fic Master Post Part One | Treats Master Post

Gift Fic Master Post Part Two:

In Other Words, Hold My Hand by Cwenphy for MBlair

Stargazing and waltzing on the lake.

Meet Me in the Meadow by Miranda13 for MeadowHayle

Ben was not the typical Alpha. Rey was not the typical Omega. Utterly indifferent to other people, only in their fantasies or dreams would they experience desire. After many years of loneliness, they meet in a support group for struggling demi-humans, and everything changes. Ben and Rey embark together on a healing journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Maybe, they don’t need to be alone, anymore. Maybe, they were never alone, to begin with.

The Rise of Ren by Ayrith for Merixcil

For the last seat in the Knights of Ren, there are two candidates. The first, a powerful scion of a great Force legacy, formally trained by the last Jedi. The second, a force sensitive urchin with no past, nurtured by the cut-throat criminal underworld. Kylo or Kira. There can only be one.

Legion by Tiara_of_Sapphires for midwinterspring

The war was over. Across the galaxy, hundreds called out in one voice: “I need a teacher.” A fic for midwinterspring for the RFFA Valentine’s Day 2020 Exchange Prompt: Rey and Ben train new Force users and fix things

All That Glitters by PalenDrome for MintyCel

The Kingdom of Exegol holds the key to Kylo's future. All he needs to do is to get past the omega guarding it.

Thaw My Frozen Heart by DarkSideOfMe for Miranda13

“A bounty hunter decides that the former Supreme Leader would make an excellent prize and manages to get the jump on Ben while he is on a mission for the Resistance, encasing him in carbonite. Rey is quick to mount a solo rescue mission and helps Ben recover from the hibernation sickness when she eventually gets him back." - Reylo-Prompts

Good Boy by rissanox for MissCoppelia

Ben adopts a dog who needs some training. Thankfully, he gets help (and a little bit more) from Rey, a dog trainer.

the world's not perfect but by aNerdObsessed for misszeldasayre

What would happen in a galaxy where the New Republic never got off the ground and the First Order choked before it started? Maybe a scavenger girl would become a foundling under the care of a Mandalorian bounty hunter.  Maybe a troubled child would shake off a burdensome legacy to follow his father's less-than-lawful profession. Maybe a cocky flyboy would find himself using his charm to win gigs delivering spice for the syndicates. Maybe a mechanically-minded girl would start taking off-the-books jobs for the occasional criminal. Maybe a boy with too many questions would leave his parents to learn about this thing called the Force. Turns out the galaxy is a lawless place with every sentient for themselves.

like roses and clover by notkellymarie for mrstater

" There is no comfortable position. No matter how he laid down on his cot, his bones feel brittle, his skin itching all over with the sensation of a thousand ants crawling all over his body. His stomach swirls like a maelstrom, and he blames it on the caf he had in order to stay awake through one of his lessons. Pathetic. You can’t even sleep right. He promises to skip the caf the next day, and his consciousness floats on the surface even as he wishes to be pulled under." -- Ben Solo has never had a single good night's sleep in his life. Rey of Jakku never wanted one. The Battle of Exegol rang and wants to know if this is still the case.

It never gets easier, you just get better.  by PoliticalPadmé for MyJediLife

Ben is an addict working through his pain. Rey is a counselor assigned to his care. They weren't supposed to fall in love.

Dreamscape by cuddlesome for Nebulous Bounds (RainonyourBack)

Kylo mostly worsens and occasionally betters Rey's visions while she sleeps.

Why we can't be by MedowHayle for newseptembers

When old Maz forsaw a dyad, Rey never thought it would be a soulmate bond between her and the First Order coven member Kylo Ren. Desperately trying to undo her connection to the enemy, she seeks out ancient texts and meets Ben, a bookshop owner and crafter, who seems to catch her attention every time they meet.

Beside the Lake by elegygoldsmith for Ngoc12thefangirl

“Ben…” It’s half groan, half laugh, all ache — and he wants to reach out to her but he doesn’t trust himself to stop at only holding her hand. Rey’s gaze softens, and that grief she’s been feeling comes roiling out of her like a thunderstorm. It’s too much for him to take. “Tell me.” “I want kids.” She says the words so softly that he might not have known what she was saying if he hadn’t seen her lips moving and heard the syllables echoing in his mind. “Oh.” It’s stupid, but he doesn’t know what else to say. “I mean…” She fumbles again, but this time she doesn’t even bother finishing in words. I want kids now. A short, smutty one-shot in which Ben and Rey grapple with the next step in their life together.

You Need A Teacher by andabatae for ninecrimes

After the events of TROS, Rey returns to Ahch-To... and a healed Ben Solo. There, she plans to consummate their relationship. Too bad she has no idea what she's doing.... Luckily, Ben is happy to teach her everything he knows. ----- “Okay.” Rey took a deep breath, preparing herself for the strange, mortifying experience to come. “So what do I do?” “Well,” he said, “first you let me kiss you some more. Then, when you’re ready, you take your clothes off. Then you sit on my face.” “Just like that?” “Just like that.”

Grey Skies Ahead by Lightningpelt for NiriKeehan

She took his hand—not in the name of the Light, or the Dark. They were a dyad, the embodiment of balance—an Alliance of Grey.

Ever as before and ever just as sure as the sun will rise by Cairdiuil_Paiste for OccasionallyCreative

The war is over. On a peaceful estate in Naboo's Lake Country, Rey and Ben prepare for their wedding and think of how they got here. Using lyrics of title song of 'Beauty and the Beast'.

swish of the bumblebee by qotsisajakk for OptimisticBeth

She should get the sand - and gravel, and rocks - and run all the way home and make things right for him. Although, the fish had gotten her into this mess in the first place, however inadvertently, so maybe she should move him to Finn’s room where she wouldn’t have to look at his little fins swishing away ever again, reminding her of- Rey's betta fish needs an upgrade in living conditions. When she posts a question asking for help, she gets a little more than she bargained for.

Dissolver of Sugar by Apricot for optimus_pam

“Rey...what could anyone do, to make up for what Kylo Ren did?” Or: Redemption isn't supposed to be easy. A TROS fix-it fic, of sorts.

Delirium by TearoomSaloon for PalenDrome (nerdherderette)

That was the trouble with these things, wasn't it? Every once in a while the drugs backfired and they both got a dose of what was really, probably, very potent pheromones. Excerpt: He heard the edge of anger in her voice, the snarl she tried so desperately to conceal. The powder was getting to her. "You're jealous, aren't you?" "No!" "You are." Against his better judgement, he stalked to her, backing her to the wall. "You can't stand the fact that you're not my first partner." "I'm not your partner!" He leaned in, lips almost to her ear. "You want to be though, don't you?" She barreled into him with a scream, head connecting with his chest as she tackled him to the floor. Faster than he could react, she had his arms pinned over his head, knees firmly pressing into his breastbone. "I don't want to be anything to you. Not your friend, not your ally, and especially not your lover."

Renewed by DrPearlGatsby for patig_00

The world between worlds is neither hot nor cold. So when Ben feels his arms break into gooseflesh, when his shoulder aches with not a remembrance but an actual twinge of pain, when he tries to rouse himself from meditation and realizes that he’s fighting the need to fall back asleep, he opens his eyes—in a room on the Millennium Falcon. [[Something in the Force allows Ben Solo to be resurrected on the Millenium Falcon during a little Resistance mission. Expected hilarity ensues. Angst WITH A HAPPY ENDING.]]

 a million miles (cross the ocean)  by bittersnake for persimonne

in which the Force tries to pay back some of the debt it owes the Skywalkers.

All that's best of dark and bright by ArdeaJestin for persopilliankore

Rey had big plans for Valentine's Day: laundry, errands, and an evening of fantasizing over her impossibly sexy building manager, Ben Solo. That was before she found an anonymous love poem in her mailbox.

Wherever There is You, I Will be There Too by optimus_pam for politicalmamaduck

According to Greek mythology, Tartarus is the deep abyss used as a dungeon of torment and suffering for the wicked. Rey journeys there in search of a lost soul.

Laid To Rest by mrstater for PoliticalPadmé (magnetgirl)

Ben wants to show Rey the galaxy, to see it with her. First, they have business on Naboo.

What Was Lost Is Now Found by Ceallaigh for punkeraa

"Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found." The Parable of the Prodigal Son, New International Version

Be With Me by tmwillson3 for qotsisajakk

TROS Fix-it. When Rey asks the Jedi of the past to be with her, the bond she shares with Kylo Ren also opens. He is forced to come to terms with his growing feelings for her, and together, they take down the greatest evil, those words continue to bring them together.

Always in Motion by maq_moon for QueenOfCarrotFlowers

Dr. Rey Jackson, archaeologist, is mistaken for a celebrity and given an upgrade to Business Class on her incredibly long flight. Unfortunately, she's been seated next to the douchebag who's been pestering her for the last two hours. More unfortunately, she finds a letter in her carry-on bag telling her that their plane is about to go down. The worst part? The letter was written by Luke Skywalker, a man who has been dead for years.

we might be the outsiders by UndergroundValentine for radioactivesaltghoul

As though, in a blink, the cavern becomes light, and he sees the pale cream and gold shimmer of the creature, with a dark brown pattern across the head and hood.

Between the Sun and the Moon by radioactivesaltghoul for redbelles

The Force demands that Rey and Ben pay a price for the power they gained in their preparation to take down Palpatine, but they don’t learn what they paid until it disturbs the peaceful life they’re trying to build together after the war is over.

Starless Sky, Black by dustoftheancients for RedPaladin465

“Why did you change your mind?” It takes a long time for her to answer. “I didn’t want to be alone.”

The Girl From The Tower by itsnotillegal for ReyloBrit

Prompt: "Quiet and obedient Rey lives a godly life with her grandfather, until the family hire a new gardener Ben, a mysterious and deeply attractive man. Sparks fly between the two."

The Falcon and the Wolf by ClockworkCrow for reylotrash711

On the fifth anniversary of the destruction of Starkiller Base the Senate is throwing a masked ball and invited members of the old Resistance. Still trying to rehabilitate his image, Senator Ben Solo has no choice but to attend. Written to fulfill this prompt: Ben and Rey dance at a masked ball, unaware of who they are dancing with. Until the masks are taken off at midnight. Romance and Sexual Tension ensue, will they be able to refrain their urges? Hell no. But I also mixed in a healthy dose of this prompt as well: Prompt 2 - What if Ben was unable to bring Rey back and had to call on the help of the Skywalkers that came before him? Is he ready to pay the price of losing his force sensitivity for the women he loves?

and we'll live a long life by LRRH17 for ReyloTrashCompactor (NextToSomething)

When Rey heals him on Kef Bir, Ben has a vision. He and Rey must work together to prevent it from coming true.

Found Belonging by apisa_b for rissanox

Rey joins her friends and former comrades in arms on Chandrila for the festivities around the anniversary of the battle of Exegol. To everyone’s surprise she is accompanied by two mysterious Mandalorians.

Loathe Thy Neighbor by ReyloTrashCompactor for SaintHeretical

Rey's neighbor is the worst. He listens to terrible music, he's impolitely large, and he smells incredible. She hates almost everything about him. Especially the smelling good bit.

Can You Feel The Love Tonight? By ElleRen31 for shiiera

Ben Solo travels to Takodana National Park in South Africa on a research mission where he meets fellow researcher, Rey. While they might get along as well as lions and hyenas at first, perhaps they have more in common with each other than they think.

He's Just Not That Into You(r) Scent by SaintHeretical for shipperofdarkness

Rey is a young and single Omega who hasn't had a lot of luck so far finding a nice Beta guy who isn't a total flake. They say they've had a great time with her, but seem to have a difficult time with calling her back. Ben is an Alpha bartender who is tired of hearing about her dating difficulties, and is ready to drop some truth bombs. An ABO He's Just Not That Into You AU

The Purest Love by MyJediLife for six4au

When a deeply scarred and traumatized Ben Solo is placed in a program to try and pair him with a canine helper, he finds that he gets more than he ever imagined with the therapist assigned to him.

The Monster in Skywalker Manner by datswatutink for solikerez

Rey marches up the walk, takes hold of the door knocker, and bangs it sharply three times. Nothing. She rattles the door handle. Nothing. Absurdly, she checks the address (is this the right creepy-and-probably-abandoned-Skywalker-Manner on Alderaan street?). It is. -Or- Rey takes a shady job to clean the old Skywalker Manner and discovers that there's something much scarier than dust and spiderwebs living there. But maybe that's not the whole story, because what kind of monster loves roses and books?

Stargazing by FangirlintheForest for SpaceWaffleHouseTM

“I wish they would go blind, stop whispering: he’s lying, he’ll leave. I hate that they know what I don’t want to hear. Their poison passes my lips, harmless. Call me Faith, not Medusa, no one need become stone.”

through the darkness to the dawn  by redbelles for starfleetjedi

She couldn’t breathe. Spots danced in her vision, black as the nothingness yawning behind her breastbone. Ben was gone. No. The plea tore out of her, wild and broken, racing through the vastness of the Force, past stars and planets and distant moons to the far edges of the universe. There was only silence. She tried again. Ben. Ben, please. Answer me. Or: Rey, after.

Tabula Rasa by Chthonia for suchlostcreatures (godfmischief)

Ben survives the battle on Exegol. That was the easy part.

Intro to Love by abbytheatre08 for TheStolenQuill

Rey and Ben are music students, put together to work on a final that, surprise isn't in a music class. They hadn't really known each other much before that but will that change as they keep working together?

I met you once — ( In a dream ) by persopilliankore for thewayofthetrashcompactor (BriarLily)

He sucks in a deep breath and exhales, a pout forming on his plump lips and it's so distracting the way they- "Just Ben," He closes his eyes. "see me no more than that, 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚." Or Where Ben and Rey are soulmates and Ben is more than meets the eye

Supernova by LueurdeLaube for Tiara_of_Sapphires

“She loved him so much she was going to smother him with it until there wasn’t a molecule of doubt left in his heart.” After the war Rey and Ben settle into an uneasy life of peace, followed by judgment and resentment. Ben Solo may have decided to remain behind to atone for his sins, but the people won’t forget Kylo Ren so soon.

Happy Accident by crossingwinter for tmf

A baby. Her baby having a baby. She’d given up dreams of grandchildren when Ben was fourteen, and not even his having a steady girlfriend had let her change her mind about it. “So yeah, we need to talk,” Rey mumbles at last. Ben doesn’t say a word, and Leia can imagine him clearly, sitting there, staring off into space, dazed—like when she’d told Han that she was pregnant.  One fun night at the Yub Nub Club and a little bit of carelessness with the condom... Not that she’d ever tell Ben that he’d been an accident.  He’d guessed it for years, but she’d go to her grave asserting he hadn’t been. “You want to keep it,” Ben says at last—a statement, not a question. — Or: Leia watches her son and his girlfriend prepare to become parents.

Crafting A Connection by LostInQueue for tmwillson3

Rey and Ben have been friends forever, so much so that Ben never dreamed that it something as small as getting that manager's position he'd been gunning for would get in the way of it. Now that it has, Rey's been distant. So... so distant and he has no idea how to get her back. Rey has only been trying to be a good friend and not use him for his status, which means instead of accepting rides from him like she had, she hasn't. She isn't trying to push him away but things are different, and he's difficult now. What on earth can she do about it? Mother nature has something to say about these two, that's for sure. The snow storm of the year is coming, stranding the two together the Friday before Valentine's Day weekend to give them the time to work things out.

this tangled light by hxllosweetie33 for TolkienGirl

The war is over, but at what cost?

Welcome to the Fire by KitsuShel for trasharama

Rey is competing on the reality television show, First Order Inferno, for a chance to become Head Chef at Benjamin Solo's latest restaurant. What happens when the competition gets a little too hot in the kitchen?

as certain dark things are to be loved by politicalmamaduck for tropixo (ursaminors)

Lady Rey, Master of the Knights of Ren, makes a choice. She chooses Ben Solo.

Bend or Break by Biekewieke for tweis24

It's been six months since the Battle of Crait. Both sides of the war have been continuing down their path, both sides struggling with loss. For some, it's just business. But for others, it's personal. For Rey of Jakku and Kylo Ren... it most certainly is personal. Once again, the Supreme Leader of the First Order and the Jedi, Hope of the Resistance confront each other and clash. How will they react and what will transpire when Bonds are blocked and unexpected events are thrown their way? Will either of them bend? Or will they break?

Heaven, let me through by Crimson_Alchemistress for Twisted_Mirror

No matter how hard they try, they can't get each other out of their heads.

Osmosis by suchlostcreatures for viajeramyra

“I don’t need Ben Solo,” Rey states, rising from the throne. Her steps are slow and deliberate as she stalks towards him. “I need Kylo Ren.” Distantly, she notes the irony. And then she offers him her hand. ------ In which Ben doesn't reach Rey in time. (And the one time he does.)

Tell the World I'm Alive by Crysania for VirtualMadness

Rey returns to Exegol to retrieve all she has left of Ben Solo: his shirt. But what she finds there isn't at all what she expected to find. (Title comes from the song Who Will Save You Now by Les Friction. The lyrics are just so Reylo and it's a beautiful song.)

Sunset by reylotrash711 for Vivien

Rey has news. Ben has a question.

 Good Morning, Mrs. Solo  by Amy326 for walkingsaladshooter

Just a sweet one-shot about a really good morning for Ben and Rey. Modern AU.

After the End by ReyloBrit for witchsoup

Ambassador Organo-Solo is asked to attend a celebration to mark the anniversary of the end of the war, and is reunited with the woman whose life he saved. The woman he once loved.

getting the best of your opponent is easier if you smooch them first by persimonne for wombathos

A few months after the Battle of Crait, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren orders a ceasefire and asks to meet a delegation from the Resistance to negotiate the end of the war and the future of the Galaxy far, far away. But our heroes Finn and Rose notice straight away that their friend Rey is behaving strangely…

Borne Aloft by BensLostTookaCat (CJWritesAgain) for Xochiquetzl

A mysterious voice has called Rey to Tatooine after the death of Ben Solo and the defeat of the First/Final Order. Once she's there, a ghostly guide offers to take Rey through the Underworld to save Ben and return him to the world of the living.

You can view the other two masterposts for this exchange in this tag.

[wanderinginsideabook]

It by Stephen King [Review]

Synopsis: Derry: a small city in Maine, a place as hauntingly familiar as your own home town. Only in Derry the haunting is real...

It began for the Losers on a day in June of 1958, the day school let out for the summer. That was the day Henry Bowers carved the first letter of his name on Ben Hanscom’s belly and chased him into the Barrens, the day Henry and his Neanderthal friends beat up on Stuttering Bill Denbrough and Eddie Kaspbrak, the day Stuttering Bill had to save Eddie from his worst asthma attack ever by riding his bike to beat the devil. It ended in August, with seven desperate children in search of a creature of unspeakable evil in the drains beneath Derry. In search of It. And somehow it ended.

Or so they thought. Then.

On a spring night in 1985 Mike Hanlon, once one of those children, makes six calls. Stan Uris, accountant. Richie “Records” Tozier, L.A. disc jockey. Ben Hanscom, renowned architect. Beverly Rogan, dress designer. Eddie Kaspbrak, owner of a successful New York limousine company. And Bill Denbrough, bestselling writer of horror novels, Bill Denbrough who now only stutters in his dreams.

These six men and one woman have forgotten their childhoods, have forgotten the time when they were Losers...but an unremembered promise draws them back, the present begins to rhyme dreadfully with the past, and when the Losers reunite, the wheels of fate lock together and roll them toward the ultimate terror.

In the biggest and most ambitious book of his career, Stephen King gives us not only his most towering epic of horror but a surprising re-illumination of the corridor where we pass from the bright mysteries of childhood to those of maturity.

Star Rating: 3.5/5

My Thoughts: I tried to read this a while ago, but the sheer size of it had me discouraged and I didn’t get very far into it. This time, however, I participated in a buddy read with some amazing ladies on Instagram, and I finally worked my way through this monstrous beast.

I went back and forth on the rating for a while, and I honestly think this is just such a hard book to rate in general. There were things I liked in this, a lot of things I didn’t like, and overall I’m still not sure how I feel even now as I write this.

One of the things that I definitely liked (for the most part) was the friendship between the Losers, especially when they were kids. They were just so close and it was nice to read about them hanging out together and being there for each other. I also enjoyed a good number of the parts centered around It and figuring out what It was and how to defeat It. Some of the lore in this book was really interesting to me.

However, it was a really hard book to get through, for a lot of reasons. One thing I wish I had known before going into this that it was so vulgar and crude, both in language and in attitude. There were times that I felt that Stephen King’s description of things as they were (and by that, I mean not sugarcoating anything and using, sometimes, downright derogatory language) added to what was happening on the page; other times, it made me so uncomfortable, there were many times I almost put the book down, sure I couldn’t stand anymore of it.

Another thing that made this a hard read for me was that I was just so confused for most of the book. I felt as if a lot of stuff happened that didn’t get explained too well. I’m just left questioning a lot of the lore, a lot the decisions/actions taken, and just a lot of everything that happened.

Overall, I’m happy I finished this book, and that I gave both it and Stephen King a try. For the time being, I think I’m done with horror and with Stephen King, but I do think that I would like to try another one of his books at some point. If you have any favorites of his that you think I should give a try, please don’t hesitate to let me know!

[alison-anonymous]

♡ loose cannon ♡ pt 2

Here's the second part everyone!! Please enjoy, let me know if you want more in the comments! No warnings, obviously!

The Burning Ice

♡♡♡

  VK Day. 

      Also known as the day that ruined your life. 

      It had became known that Mal, Evie, Carlos, and Jay were going to be coming back to the Isle on many occasions to pick up people as the "lucky ones" to come and stay with them in Auradon a bit to have a chance at becoming "good". Some people saw this as a good thing. Hades saw it as a way to escape. You saw it as a wretched, horrible thing.

      But when one certain VK Day rode around that Mal pulled out your name, everything changed. Apparently, everyone had been digging up some history on you and had decided that it would be good to give the little ice goddess a second chance. Of course, you absolutely refused to go at first. But after some convincing from Hades that you might able to make Mal free him so you could be together, you changed your mind. 

      So off you went, back to Auradon. Back to the people you hated. Of course, you did you best to make it work. Only for Hades. It was ONLY for him. When you got your powers back, Beast and Belle had it ordered that you have a power restricting chain placed around your neck once again. Just as a "precaution". Funny, you had thought. Back from prison and I'm still being treated like a prisoner.

      Needless to say, you couldn't be an uncontrollable ice goddess without your powers. At least you finally had a bed to sleep in, though you missed sleeping on Hades's chest more than anything. Speaking of Hades, word had gotten around you were his girl. Mal was pretty pissed for a while, but finally cooled off once she realized that you were actually pretty chill. You soon befriended Mal and Evie, and Uma, whether you liked to admit it or not. Since you had been brought right before the time that Audrey ran crazy, you of course were enlisted to help defeat her. Mal removed your property restricting neck chain and once you felt the ice running through your veins once more, you knew... you were back. 

      But revenge wasn't first on your list, remember? Hades was. And he needed you to stay on Mal's good side. Plus, she was pretty sweet too.

      So, using your slightly rusty and chaotic powers, you astounded the Pirate Trio and the VKs with your ice flurries and helped them take down Audrey. Unfortunately, you were forced to hold down the castle where Dizzy was and freeze anyone who dared touch her while they went to get the ember, so you missed seeing Hades. But according to Mal, he kept bugging her about how you were... the thought had brought a smile to your lips and a smirk to Evie's. But after you had helped them restore peace again, they brought the barrier down and all was well. You and Hades became one of the greatest power couples since Ben and Mal (who ended up adoring you) and life had finally gotten to where you had always wanted it to be. 

      Only... no one could fix you. 

      Despite the happy face you put on in front of the press and the family and friends, your powers hadn't changed since you left them. They were growing stronger and stronger, and you couldn't stop them. Stupidly, you tried to hide it. Especially from Hades, because he was under enough stress trying to be a good dad again, and you didn't want to worry him. But one day, when you and Hades were visiting Ben and Mal at the castle, and you snuck off to the library, you felt the all to familiar surge and before you knew it, the whole library was frozen. Including the poor librarian in it. Petrified, you quickly slammed and locked all the doors shut so no one could get in. 

      That was a bad idea.

      Don't feel it, you tried to think. Conceal it. Don't feel it. Don't let it through. Hold it in. Don't let it out. Just breathe. 

      Don't let it show. 

      You, of course, being trapped in the library hadn't noticed it when it started to snow outside the library. Inside of the castle, I mean. Hades, who had been searching for you, caught sight of the strange weather and instantly knew it was his beloved girlfriend. He picked up his pace and once he saw the extravagantly huge double library doors with ice coating the polished surface, he gently pressed his hands against the chilly frame. 

      "Love?" 

      His voice was like a hand reaching down into the tossing waters to pull you out to safety. Wringing your hands together, you shivered from the fear that was taking over your body. He knocked softly on the door. Usually, he would have just broke in, but he could already tell that something was wrong. You never hid from him. And the ice and snow? Well, that spoke for itself. "Love, let me in. Let me help you.”

      You tried desperately to calm your staggered breathing as you took gulp after gulp of air, pacing the frozen carpet. Small flakes of snow fell from the high ceilings above you and landed in your hair. The ice was coursing through your veins, pounding against your temples, begging you to give in to the power. Telling you to let it all go. But you had to contain it, you couldn’t bear to hurt anyone. No matter how badly you may wish to inflict harm upon those who have hurt you, you knew better than to let yourself slip into the cold. And the first step of not letting yourself go was to stop shutting people out. You could feel your irises begin to shimmer with a luminescent hue as you cautiously neared the door. Hades stood on the other side, his eyes scanning the frost coating the outer layer of the wood. 

      “Darling? Are you alright?” He closed his hand around the ember in his pocket and prepared to have to force the door open when the door suddenly cracked open on its own. Taking the opportunity, he quickly pushed the frozen door all the way open and shut it as soon as he was in the room. As soon as he laid eyes on your shaking, trembling, terrified form, he stalked up to you and wrapped his arms around you. Pressing you close to his warm chest, he buried his head in your hair and you blinked quietly from the shock that was still taking its course. A moment of silence passed as he silently inspected the damage you had inflicted upon the room. Hades had suspected that things would have gotten worse for you as soon as you got back on the mainland. He had tried figuring out ways to help you, but being as he was scared to use his ember on you and your family were too far gone, even he felt his hope start to chip around the edges. 

      But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be there for you. 

      “Are you alright?” He whispered into your ear. You shivered, only this time from his closeness. 

      “I don’t know anymore. It’s getting harder to control it.” You slowly pulled away from the hug, savoring the feeling of his arms around you. He refused to let you go untouched though, as his gloved hands slowly travelled down your arms and gently rested above your own, knowing that they scared you just a bit right now. You allowed your eyes to sink into his comforting ones, always finding him to be your safe haven when something horrific like this happened. The frozen librarian, mid between adjusting her glasses, was poking your brain with a little pencil until it won a spot in the worrying center of your brain. 

      “I swear, Had, I didn’t mean to freeze the librarian.” 

      Hades broke eye contact with you to look at the librarian, and a chuckle escaped from his lips before he could stop it. You gaped at him in disbelief. Was he seriously laughing about a person you froze? It was a bit entertaining watching him try to suppress his laughter before he suddenly burst into a fit of his signature evil laughter, the one that you fell in love with. 

      “Are you seriously laughing about me freezing the librarian? Hades, I froze a person!” 

      “I know, I know you did, sweetheart,” he gasped for breath. “It’s just, you know, if we were to take over the kingdom...” He stepped closer to you, having to crane his head down a bit to look at you as he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, causing your heart to stop. 

      “H-Hades!” You stuttered, running a flustered hand through your hair, trying to avert his gaze. A blush was already rising to your cheeks, and of course he caught notice of it. He gently ran his fingers through a stray strand of hair that had fallen out of place, watching you with a sly smirk on his face. 

      “Come on, love. You would make a gorgeous Queen of the Underworld.” He leaned down slightly so your foreheads were touching. Being this close to him, you could see the heavy eye liner he wore perfectly. It made him look like a true rock star. A small smile grew onto your lips and before you knew it, you were giggling like you were high. 

      “What’s so funny?” Hades grinned, snaking his arms around your waist protectively. You intertwined your fingers around your neck in return, and gazed dreamily into his eyes. Oh, how you could get lost in those eyes. 

      “Just how it’s been about three years since they took down the barrier, and you’re still wearing my eyeliner and wanting me to be your queen.” 

      He tilted his head to the side and smirked at you. “My dear, I thought we established a long time ago that I have always wanted you to be my queen.” 

      You scoffed and gently fixed his spiky, electric hair. “You shouldn’t joke about stuff like that, Had.” 

      “Oh, but it distracted you didn’t it?” 

      “From what?” You were genuinely confused until Hades’s knowing crooked smile told you everything you needed to know. As you both glanced around the room around you, I suddenly realized that everything was back to normal. Even the librarian, who was sopping wet and rather frazzled about her water damaged book. Turning back to your loving partner in crime, you felt the butterflies flutter as you traced your finger along his jawline. His eyes never left you. 

      “Have I ever told you how good you are for me?” You whispered.

      He feigned thought, pressing his lips together and looking off to the side. “I’m not sure, love. But maybe you can show me?” He tapped his lips, raising his eyebrows at you excitedly. Rolling your eyes, you let the smile take over your lips as you stepped on your tiptoes and closed the distance. 

♡♡♡

      It had been six months since the incident in the library. Hades had gotten very protective of you over the past months, always following you around and keeping his arm around you (well, he did that all the time), and making sure no one said or did anything to upset you. He was always peppering you in kisses and hugs, and when you were alone, things always got a bit more heated (not that you minded, of course ;). Whenever you had another one of your episodes, he was always right there to comfort you. He always knew exactly what to do to calm you down. His favorite topic for distraction was making you his Queen of the Underworld, taking over the whole kingdom and ruling for your immortal lives. It wasn’t to say that you weren’t partial to the idea, but you knew that Mal and Ben were going to make great rulers. 

      You didn’t want to ruin that for your lover’s daughter.

      Things had seemed to have gotten a lot better. Life with Hades was amazing, and you pretty sure he was close to popping the question per Mal and Evie’s hints. You had made great friends with the VKs, and you even were accepted as part of the royal family. You had almost completely forgotten about the burning hatred in your veins. But of course, things could never stay good in your life for long.

      It was the week of Mal’s baby shower, as the announcement had came out only a day or two before. But Evie, of course, had a feeling and jumped the gun before anyone had a chance. Ever since the girl had started getting more serious with Doug, she had been a complete radiance of positivity. More than she had ever been before. Everyone was in a frenzy trying to get things ready for it, and even you were a bit sparky as well. You, Hades, and Mal were out for a walk in the forest, trying to get Mal away from all of the stress that wasn’t good for her or for the baby. You and Hades walked with intertwined fingers as Mal walked beside you, admiring the bright sky above.

      “How have you been doing, Y/n?” She asked you curiously, her eyes twinkling.

      You giggled. “I should be asking you that, Mal.”

      “Please, it’ll give me a distraction. It’s been nothing but me and the baby and Ben lately.” Mal sighed, leaning her head back so her purple locks tumbled off her shoulders. You watched her with a smile. She certainly did look like her mother. 

      “I’ve been a lot better than I was before,” you replied honestly, feeling Hades gently squeeze your hand. “My powers have been getting a lot more... controllable lately.”

      That caught Mal’s attention. “Really? That’s wonderful! We’ve all been worried about you...” You raised an eyebrow.

      “Really?” Mal nodded her head. 

      “Everyone’s been worried that you’re going to go rogue,” Hades scoffed. “That could never happen, unfortunately.”

      You and Mal exchanged a glance, then stopped walking in sync to stare at the god. He looked at you both in confusion. “What?”

      “Why ‘unfortunately’?” You questioned. 

      He shrugged, a smirk tugging at his lips. “You know I love it when you’re off your rocker, darling. It’s more you that way.” 

      Mal giggled at his comment and gently shouldered you, sending a wink. You smiled at her in return as you all continued your walk. The peace was soon interrupted by the sound of footsteps running in your direction. Turning around in confusion, you put an arm out before Mal and Hades in protection before you recognized the figure as Carlos. He stopped in front of you all, bending over slightly to catch his breath. 

      “Carlos?” You asked. “Is everything okay?” 

       “Y/n,” he gasped. “It’s your brother.”

       “My brother?” You furrowed your brows. The very sound of his title sent a sharp pain throughout your body. “What about him?”

       “He’s here in Auradon. He’s come to see you.”

To be continued...

♡ a.a.

[fiamminga95]

Rise of Skywalker trailer and the last episode of Inuyasha – similarities and how a happy ending is possible

[WARNING:LONG POST]

Inuyasha was one of my favourite manga/anime when I was younger, I had already started to think about its last episode in relation of how TROS could end. I fantasied, picturing the same scene months ago, but the new trailer made me hope. I want to talk about the similarities I founded.

So, to begin with, Inuyasha was an half demon who struggled with his nature and his love for his former girlfriend who, thinking he tried to kill her, sealed him on a sacred tree. Kagome, coming from another space and time, saves him, teaching how to be, not just human, but balanced, in around 200 episodes.

The problem was that everyone in Inuyasha’s life always wanted to make him choose between his two natures : one human ad week, the other powerful but without love and, of course, everything that make us human. He wanted to steal a magical jewel, to turn himself into a demon, even if years prior he was ready to became an human for the love of a girl who did not accepted him as he was. A kind of monster. Sound familiar?

On the other hand, Kagome happened to be a powerful priestess and a reincarnation of Inuyasha’s ex-lover. Her problem is that she does not know why she is so powerful and what is her place in all that. She is strong headed and fierce but also very genuine and kind. In the first episodes, the two don’t like each other.

They make a lot of friends along the way, fighting with the bad bad villain Naraku. The aim: take all the fragments of the jewel of shikon that I have already nominated. Now, this jewel has the unlimited power to make one wish come true, so a lot of bad people and demons want it. Kagome finds out that there is a way to destroy the jewels making the “only right wish”. In the last episode the good guys defeat Naraku but Kagome ends up in another dimension, where we discover something important.

The jewel was made by a powerful priestess whom spirit still fight with evil inside the shikon jewel. Apparently, Kagome was born to take her place and keep on fighting this millennial fight between good and evil. Then, the jewel wants to take advantage of her fear of remaining alone to force her to make a wish.

She is very alone, hoping someone will save her, trying to figuring out what the only right wish is. The jewels, on the other hand, is trying to manipulate her with her fears and loneliness.

In these scenes Rey and Kagome are both small and scared of the evil they are facing, both the jewel and Palpatine (at least we can assume) at the end of the story are reviled to be the last trial these girls have to confront.

After than that, the shikon jewel reveals Kagome’s true destiny, which should be to battle for the eternity in this strange not-existing place, so that the fight between light and darkness (or demons and humans) can continue forever.

Now, moving to Inuyasha. He chases her, trying to help Kagome. He responds to the jewel with a touching line: “Kagome was born to meet me. And I was born for her!”, refusing what was the fate of them both.

In this dark place, with a space looking atmosphere, he goes on, trying to reach Kagome and talking to her trough time ad space so she knows she is not alone and he’s coming for her:

They talk even if they cannot see the other. (I think it very similar to the scene were, in Jane Eyre, she hears Mr. Rochester, and other than that, it sounds a lot like the Reylo force- bond)

After they find new hope in the certainty they are not alone, Inuyasha find a way to go to her, thanks to his magic sword (which is, by the way, is legacy saber. Through all the story he learned to use it, but more importantly to use it to protect people, because his father, the original owner of the sword, wanted to teach him love and respect for humans)

All this while Kagome is now confident, because she knows she is not alone anymore, and she ready to fight

GUESS WHAT HAPPEN WHEN KAGOME AD INUYASHA MEET AGAIN:

Ok, now we reaching the end. Kagome and Inuyasha are together and the jewel cannot use Kagome fear against her, because the only thing she wanted was to see Inuyasha and to stay with him. Then the two of them are ready to ask the only right question, which is to completely refuse the unlimited power of the shikon jewel, renouncing to the possibility to change themself: Kagome has already become a stronger woman thanks to Inuyasha and he himself started to love himself despite his nature of half demon and half human thanks to her love.

[If you have seen the leaked image, then you know what I’m talking about, but I won’t post it here]

After they win, there are some problems. Kagome is brought again in her century and for three years they stay apart, but in the end they meet near the magic water well that connects their centuries and this happens:

And it so familiar to us, am I right? I think that if Kylo ad Rey nearly touched their hands before, it is possible that in IX we’ll see them fully taking their hands (and the help that they can provide. It’s all about the hands, we knew it for a long time)

I’m not saying the end of Rise of Skywalker will be just the same as Inuyasha, but for sure the two stories have a lot of similarities. I would be very happy to see Rey and Ben married living together, but we can not be sure the movie going to end like this.

BUT I wanted to brought some example that an ending like this is possible: given that the redemption of Kylo Ren is well executed, they can actually stay alive (with a possible marriage). A lot of people would like (me included) to watch a last scene were Ben and Rey are, maybe exiled, watching a sunsets or a dawn. But guess what is like the last scene of Inuyasha? Yes, a married couple looking a beautiful purple sunset together.

(Ps. Sorry for my English. I’m still learning)

[shy-magpie]

RQG 94

Players are ribbing Alex over how emotional the episodes are Alex: Elves all look the same to Bryn Bryn: poorly described characters look the same to Bryn Did it occur to either of you that there is a reason you weren't allowed in? That maybe it wasn't safe Ooh the guard was attacking them and was killed by a tomb trap Hamid is done with Howard Khufu is Pre-meritocracy this sounds worth a relisten when I'm not caught up on urgent matters Nuance Grizzop, he needs to confess to breaking in, not killing the guard, which you were game to string him up for Howard we didn't like you to begin with, quit digging Sasha have an ounce of understanding for Hamid Are you serious Howard? Oh God Alex is, the team is going to do the same thing just on the up and up Howard has gone from taking responsibility for everything to nothing; while still thinking he is the most important person in the world I get the temptation Sasha, but the paladins really should object to assaulting a prisoner in their charge Ben "oh no the roof of the orphanage"? The guards don't want to deal with the hassle and won't listen to the confession Oh really Grizzop, is it maybe like people should listen to context before closing the case? Drop the Tahan name and now they scramble ...to the wrong conclusion Hamid is still convinced of the power of talking it out. I wish that getting people to actually listen was the same as just saying the words in their hearing Azu has a problem power structure of the LOLOMG. Hamid is willing to reform it but not when they are trading on his name and perceived power to them in Paperwork is important Alex I don't like that call for a linguistic check, is there something wrong with the paperwork? Yeah the guards being on the level isn't the same as whether justice will be served Go Lydia! I love her comments on the justice system Finally taking a break to plan for the future "Grizzop and Hamid are a rounding error" on whether the celestial camel can carry all of them Azzop's main priority is Sasha, my heart They suggest looping Saira in before it occurs to Hamid. I know you don't want to launch straight into it, but less small talk; more curses and not actually murder Poor Saira Um she did ask so maybe also mention the "Apophis is your grandfather" Oscar, of course There you go And that's the break No we don't know how bad this is Did Alex take Bryn's wanting a character that could to turn into a dragon, to set up the breaking of this world's government? Grizzop jumps to Saira having them all killed to keep the knowledge down to family No Saira, you needed to know as head of the family I don't think anyone else needs to know including Apophis. Keep quiet and maybe check if the twins have claws. Do not do a press release announcing that The Meritocrats have kids and patronize their banks London is what? Other London riots? Random chaos? We just talked to Barrett How much does Apophis need to know they know? Dangerous game to pretend ignorance but so is letting him know they know Hamid hug of the episode? Poor Sasha wants to go back, Hamid is willing to go but wants them to have a plan and cure Sasha first. Grizzop, on the bow of Artemis, if you don't let him comfort her and back his play for five minutes... "we don't have Bertie to shout them down now"- Sasha is at least willing to let them try to cure her before they run off to London half cocked Alex did you think for a minute Hamid was just going to say "all's well that ends well" and take up the planing in the morning? Part of me wants him to open the conversation with "if you were willing to talk for five minutes before jumping straight to turning in my brother you might have found out there wasn't actually a murder". Most of me knows it's time for Hamid to be all leader-y and focus on the future. And maybe clear up their understanding of his own crimes before they jump to anymore conclusions Good let's talk Lydia is having fun Oh come on he didn't ask them cover up for his brother he asked for their help figuring out what to do in light of his father's false confession, specifically how to make Jr bear responsibility outside of the judicial system. He wasn't all in the right but he asked for five minutes and a conversation before they acted and Azzop wanted to hand over Jr immediately. If they hadn't had this conversation in front of Howard they never would have known Jr was a) cursed and b) not a cold blooded murderer Hamid is actually asking for honest clarification so he can understand what he did wrong Ow Hamid stepped right in it And Azzop don't see anything wrong on their end Actually Grizzop he explicitly didn't want to just exile Jr he wanted you advice on what he should do and you didn't even want to explain why other options wouldn't work before all but calling him evil He is honestly asking to learn why what he did was wrong so he doesn't do it again No he didn't make the decision on his own, he wanted to talk to his friends before making one Azu is at least willing to accept his apology There is the real hug of the episode. Azu thinks he was making a mistake but understands wasn't out of evil Oh Hamid, 1)prank gone wrong (because of GIDEON) is different than a co-conspirator died trying to kill you and 2)for the love of Aphrodite tell the paladins the full story on that before Grizzop gets ideas 3)have a possibly separate conversation with Sasha about how your family is messed up but not actually Mafia Was the sandstorm specifically so the party couldn't split on Alex again? Alex I swear she better make those saves Poor Hamid would have nightmares Good Hamid hit a nerve with Grizzop Oh Azu has faith that it would be OK if they chat it out? You know like Hamid wanted to?* The grammar is what breaks Ben, not the nearly party breaking fight? Azu has to roll to pick up that Sasha wasn't actually just complimenting the staff Oh Sasha, you do have people to care about and who care about you Hamid want to tell them about your past now? Oh so Grizzop sees no conflict with his assumption that the only justice is within the law and letting Hamid atone in his own way Thank you Sasha, he needs to explain rather than just keep calling himself a murderer without context *yeah I am going to keep on this hill, he wanted to talk before making a decision; you would have handed over a man for murder and call it a day without even hearing the context of Hamid asking for your input. That's before you get into him being nineteen asking  advice from his paladin friends. Or that near as I can tell the only way Sr shows that he cares about them is providing money and shielding them from consequences. Or that I still think a major factor in Sr's decision is that if the guy responsible for protecting the vault breaks in and kills someone that's just on him; but if he fails to prevent his son from doing the same that looks like a multi-generation conspiracy that could destroy trust in the entire family and the bank they run.

[descendantofthesparrow]

A Toxic Promise- Harry Hook x reader

A Toxic Promise- Harry Hook x reader

 Hey! So I have an idea for a Harry Hook x reader, could you base it off the song everytime by Ariana Grande? It’s basically about them being in a toxic relationship and they know it’s toxic but they always go back to each other no matter what because, when it’s good it’s really good, but when it’s bad, it’s evil. Hope you like it! 💘

 request from @therottencorevk hope you like it!!!!

Key

 h/c- hair color

 e/c- eye color

 h/l- hair length

 s/c- skin color

 y/n- your name

(a/n: choose your own villain parent, and also I didn't expect for this to be as long as it is…. I got carried away :p also not a lot of dialogue in the beginning)

---

I cried enough tears to see my own reflection in them

And then it was clear

I can't deny, I really miss him

To think that I was wrong

I guess you don't know what you got 'til it's gone

Pain is just a consequence of love

I'm saying sorry for the sake of us

(y/n) sat in her dorm on Auradon, singing to herself, looking out at the Isle, tears blurring her vision, thinking about the boy she had left behind, but she had to, it was just getting too much for her…for him..for them.

He wasn't my everything 'til we were nothing

And it's taking me a lot to say

Now that he's gone, my heart is missing something

So it's time I push my pride away

'Cause you are, you are

You are my everything

You are, you are

You are my everything

It was toxic, what they had, a pirate who strived to be like his father, and a girl who wanted to be more than her mother, to be better, and your different mindsets set off many fights, and many separations, but you both always, always came back to each other, and you both knew it wasn’t good for you, for both of you, but when it was good, it was heavenly, but when it was bad, it was hell. But neither of you could truly break it, So you had to make a decision…when you got the letter, the one to go to auradon, you took it.

You left, you left without saying goodbye, you knew if you tried you wouldn’t be able to leave, his beautiful ocean blue eyes staring sadly at you begging you not to go. So you left, leaving a letter for him, stating you were sorry and you did love him, but you couldn’t handle the toxic relationship anymore.

You sighed and glanced down at the ring placed on your right ring finger

A promise ring

You remember the day he gave it to you, it was after a really bad fight, and you had distanced yourself from him to get some space

--

Harry sheepishly stood in front of you, a crimson ring in his hand,

You scowled at him “what do you want hook”

His shoulders slumped and he licked his lips before opening them to speak

“im sorry lass, I didn’t mean what I said, ye know that I would never mean that”

You glanced down at the floor and whispered

“promise?”

Harry kneeled down in front of you and slid the ring onto your right hand

“I promise”

--

A Toxic Promise, that’s what that was, because, within the next week, he broke it, and again you distanced yourself, but he didn’t get the opportunity to apologize, because when he tried to, you were already halfway to auradon.

You watched as a tear splashed down on the gem, you knew that, for as long as you would live, you loved Harry Hook.

----

She wasn't my everything 'til we were nothing

And it's taking me a lot to say

Now that she's gone, my heart is missing something

So it's time I push my pride away

'Cause you are, you are

You are my everything

You are, you are

You are my everything

Uma stared at Harry who had his face buried in his arms staring out at auradon, singing to himself, wishing for the bright-eyed (h/c) girl to come back to him, he knew why she left, but there would always be sadness deep in his heart.

I know you're not far, but I still can't handle all the distance

You're traveling with my heart

I hope this is a temporary feeling

'Cause it's too much to bear without you

And I know sorry ain't the cure

If I cross your mind, just know I'm yours

'Cause what we got is worth fighting for

'Cause you are

He sang softly to himself, eyes burning and his heart hurting, he wanted you back, even if it meant he had to give up on being as bad as his dad, and going to boradon. Even if it meant he had to stop his evil ways and become a better person, not toxic, he would do it in a heartbeat.

He didn’t know how much he needed her until she was gone, she left with the rotten four, all those months ago.

“Harry?”

He turned to see Uma, who stared at with sympathy.

She reached forward and grasped his shoulder

“are you okay?” Uma asked

Harry shook his head numbly “no im not” he murmured

Uma scrunched her face in worry, knowing why her first mate was in such a slump, (y/n), the girl he had a loving but toxic relationship with, had left with the VKs six months ago, she was the only one Uma didn’t feel was a traitor, because (y/n) deserved to get out, she just wished she, Harry, and Gil could have gone with her.

Uma shook her head to clear it and jolted Harry around to get his attention,

“Hey, go do your route, you need to do something other than staring at Auradon”

Harry sighed, nodded, and grabbed his hook, hat and sword and made his way to curl up and dye for the first place on the payment route.

…

He pushed through the plastic door curtain thing and moved his gaze to dizzy who was about to put money in her cash register

“fork it over ya runt”

Dizzy shoulders slumped and hesitantly placed the money in his outstretched hand, he then tapped the counter with his hook

“and the rest of it~”

Dizzy pressed her lips together and opened the register and pressed the cash into his hand.

“m~ thank ye~ mmM~!” Harry spoke, muffled by the cash in his mouth

As he was making his way out, a familiar voice spoke

“still running errands for Uma? Or do you get to keep what you steal?”

Harry stopped in his tracks, slowly turning to see the once again purple haired bitch that took his (y/n) with her, rage and anger filling his mind

‘Mal.’

“well well well~ what a nice surprise~” Harry called out, false happiness filling his voice.

Mal stared at him Bordley

“Hi Harry”

He stalked towards her, a predatory look in his eyes

“just WAIT till Uma hears your back~” he glanced her body, looking for weak spots “shes never going to give you back your territory~”

Mal glared at him, “oh, well that’s okay because I will be taking it” she added smoothly

Harry let out a breathy chuckle and brushed his hook through her

“I could hurt you”

Mal grabbed his arm, causing him to tense and glare at her.

She smirked, took the gum out of her mouth and placed it on the tip of his hook

“not without upsetting (y/n)”

Harry stared at Mal for a few seconds in shock before smirking at her and plucking the gum from his hook with his mouth and made his way back to the door, before pausing at the doorway

“um..hows-“

Mal interrupted him, voice softer, and sympathetic.

“shes…surviving…she still loves you, never takes off that ring.”

Harry nodded, happy to hear that, and rushed back to the shop to tell Uma that Mal was back.

---

You sat in the limo, with Carlos, Jay, Evie, and Ben, riding back to your home….to Harry.

‘what happens if I run into him? Hows he gonna react? Does his still-‘

Your thoughts were interrupted by Evie calling for you to get out of the car, you scrambled out and as soon as your feet planted on the Isle floor you gaze immediately went to the pipe that led to the pirate's cove

‘Harry’

“whats down here?!”

Your head snapped to see Ben standing at the entrance of the pipe and Carlos pulled him away, Jay telling him he didn’t want to know.

You five walked down to the fours hideout and soon ben separated and decided to be “kingly”

Jay and Carlos ran up and pushed ben back and glared down at the man who tried to punch bens lights out

“Ben stop just stop!” Evie snapped at him

“why?” ben asked confusedly

Evie rolled her eyes “this isn't a parade, it’s the Isle!”

“keep your hands in your pockets unless your stealing” Jay informed

“you either slouch or strut” Carlos added

“and never ever smile” you finished

Ben looked at you four at nodded

“okay thank-“

“no!” Evie interrupted

“no thank yous, and drop the please too, just…chill”

Let me tell you something you can really trust~

-

---im not writing chilling like a villain so im just skipping to were ben runs into Gil---

-

As ben strutted forward humming the song he bumped into Gil

‘shit!’ your mind went into haywire and you quickly hid behind Jay, knowing if Gil saw you he’d tell Harry and then Harry would look for you

“hey man!” Gil exclaimed “hey,..hey I know you!” he finished

“uh” ben looked back at us, seeing us surrounding him and he replied back

“no, don’t know you either man”

Gil furrowed his brows in confusion

“uhhh yeah ya do? Come on man”

You looked over Jay's shoulder to see Gil trying to convince Ben that they knew each other

“really? Eh? Dude ill give you a hint! My dad is quick slick and his, neck ehhh~ is incredibly thick!!!”

Ben looked at Evie, realizing that he had just encountered the son of his dads worst enemy.

“come on man-“ Gil spotted a poster on the wall and pointed between ben and the poster soon realizing that

“ohh you’re king ben!!!”

Evie, Jay, and Carlos rushed forward pushing Ben to get out of there leaving you in the open

“(Y/N)!!! you're here too!?”

You pressed your lips together

“uhh yep im back”

“oh my god you don’t know how much harry misses you!!! He won't stop talking about how much he loves you and he wishes he could just see you again and how he would be the happiest man alive!!!!”

(yeah I know Gils talking a lot but he doesn't know when to stop)

Your chest filled with warmth, happy that Harry still loved you as you did him

“do you want me to tell him?”

You smiled and nodded

“yeah go ahead, tell him I miss him too kay?”

You gave a fist bump to Gil before making your way to ben and the others

Gil grinned and watched you walk only to see who you were walking to

“Oh wait, Jay, Evie, Carlos, you’re all here too! Hey guys!” he stopped for a few moments before bouncing

“ohhh, Umas gonna love this!!!!”

---

When you arrived Jay threw a rock at the sign and Ben headed up the stairs to mal,

“(y/n)?” Evie's voice broke through the silence

You glanced up at her “hmm?”

“..what did Gil mean about Harry?”

You twidled with your fingers avoiding the question

“(y/n).”

You sighed and fessed up

“Harry and I were in a relationship”

“WHAT?!” they screamed and Evie opened her mouth to start firing off questions but was interrupted by Ben coming back downstairs

“so.” Asked Evie “wheres Mal?”

Ben shook his head “she's not coming back”

“what!?” Evie gasped “I’ll talk to her”

Evie grasped onto the phone thing and emplored Mal to talk to her

“M?...Mal its Evie, let me just talk to you for a second”

“GO AWAY!”

Evies slumped in defeat and Jay grasped her shoulder in support

“let's give her a couple hours to cool off”

You crossed your arms and looked down the way Ben walked off to but were unable to locate him

“guys!” you alerted them

“wheres Ben?”

Carlos frowned at you

“what are you talking about Bens…right….there.”

Evie walked to you and looked down the alleyway calling for Ben

“Ben?...Ben!”

The four of you saw a dark shadow making its way towards and the three Vks sighed in relief, all except you, you narrowed your eyes…you knew that shadow.

“Ben don’t scare us like that!”

“don’t scare you!”

Your breath caught in your throat,

“Harry” you whispered

“That’s my specialty!”

His voice cut through the Isle like butter, sending your heart through simultaneous, erratic beating, and calming it down at the same time, a soft blush covering your cheeks

“What did you do with Ben?!” Jay growled at him

“oh eh, we nicked him” Harry hummed happily

“and If you want to see him again~ have Mal and (y/n) come to the chip shop tonight”

His crystal blue ocean eyes landed on you, voice and eyes softening slightly

“alone”

He returned his attention back to the other three VKs, his voice hardening once more

“Uma wants a little vist~” he sang

He gave Jay a snarky smirk

“aw Jay~” Harry pouted and gave an insane laugh

“seems like you’ve lost your touch~”

Jay tried to lunge at Harry but Evie held him back gesturing to you.

Harry turned to you, grasped your hand, lifted it up to his lips, and pressed a light kiss to it, smiling softly at you.

“see ye there lass”

You bit your lip and turned, seeing Evie smirking at you and the boys having a face like

W.T.F!?

You started to speak before Evie stopped you

“well talk about you and Harry later, right now we have to tell mal.”

“Yeah, that'd be the best option” you stated and the four of you headed up the stairs to tell mal about the deal breaker with Uma.

---

Harry paced the floor of the shop, tapping a beat on his thighs, anxiety about REALLY meeting you again pounding on his mind

“Im baack~”

Harry's head snapped up to see Mal and….you

Your gorgeous (e/c) eyes locked with his and a flash of electricity ran through your bodies as soon as you locked eyes.

“Harry!”

He jumped and saw Uma with her arms crossed

“well you wanted her here, go do what you wanted to do!”

“uh, oh um yeah right on it” he stammered and walked up to you, grasped your hand and led you back outside the shop

You both walked for a few moments, holding each other's hands, Harry's thumb rubbing the back of yours.

Harry sighed and tugged at your hand, causing you to stop.

“Harry?” you murmured

“(y/n), we need to talk”

He took your hands in yours and took a deep breath

“I want to try again”

“try what again?” you asked

“I” he reached up to cup your cheek brushing your (s/c) skin “I want to try us again”

“Oh Harry” you whispered, “we can't, it-“

“why can't we!” he cried “I love ye and I want to try again!”

“Harry” you whimpered “it was too much, we’d love each other one moment, and then we were at each other's throat the next! It was a toxic relationship!”

“yes, I know!” Harry snapped, tears in his eyes “and I finally figured out why it was toxic!”

You made a face and urged him to go on

“our parents were putting so much pressure on us so we redirected the anger we felt from it onto each other!”

Harry wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his chest.

“Please, I’ll even go to boradon for ye, please…I just want to hold ye, to kiss ye again! So please”

Harry pressed his forehead to yours and tears slipped down both your faces

“so just” he whispered “just let me love ye again”

You pushed away from him and looked up at the handsome Scottish boy, glancing at his lips, before speaking once more

“…how do I know you're not making another toxic promise?”

Harry sniffed and wiped his nose before drawing back from and handing you his silver hook, which oh so long ago, had started a fight.

You gasped in surprise, as he was so protective of his hook, he never even let you hold it, sometimes seeming that he cared about the hook more than he did about you.

“here, I know this was a basis of one of our fights so…its yours to decide on what to do with it, ye can keep it, give it away, give it back, hell ye can even destroy it”

He tipped your chin up so he could stare into your eyes

“because you're more important than that stupid hook, or what anyone thinks of me, yours is the only opinion that matters, and I kept denying that before”

Your mind flashed back to one of your biggest fights

---

“DON’T I MATTER! WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOU!!!”

“BECAUSE IM THE SON OF CAPTAIN HOOK AND THEY NEED TO SEE ME AS A HEARTLESS PIRATE THAN A LOVING WEAKLING”

“WHY!!!! I LOVE YOU THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH!”

“WELL, IT ISNT!!”

---

That was about a month before you left, but…if Harry was willing to give up on become the baddest pirate captain and become just like his father, and willing to truly let your love in…you could give him one more chance

“okay Harry” his head snapped up and a bright light filled his eyes,

“you have one more chance, don’t screw it up”

Harry tears of sorrow turned to joy, and he let out sobs of relief.

You laughed out your own tears and pressed your lips to his, pure love and passion filling the kiss that had been missed for six months

Maybe even your toxic relationship could become a blooming flower that would never wilt.

 She/he  wasn't my everything 'til we were nothing

And it's taking me a lot to say

Now that she's gone, my heart is missing something

So it's time I push my pride away

'Cause you are, you are

You are my everything

You are, you are

You are my everything

       And it did

 ---the end~---

   If yall don't get the end, here's an explanation, Harry goes to auradon with (y/n) and every time either of them gets frustrated or angry they don't take it out on each other, they talk it out and find healthy ways to release it. so it goes from a toxic relationship to a healthy one.

 Hope you enjoyed!!!!!!!

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: The Assassin’s Blade, Ch 19-20

SJM either cuts one measly scene into three chapters or crams 100+ long scenes into on chapter so this one is gonna be super fucking long

Celaena dressed in the nicest tunic she’d brought—which wasn’t really anything to admire, but the midnight blue and gold did bring out the turquoise hues in her eyes.

SJM gotta stop bringing attention to Celery’s Mary Sue eyes because I laugh every time I think about them.

Ansel takes Celery to dinner.

Staying alert as they entered the hall was an effort of will. Yet even with her exhaustion, she instinctively scanned the room. There were three exits—the giant doors through which they entered, and two servants’ doors on either end. The hall was packed wall-to-wall with long wooden tables and benches full of people. At least seventy of them in total. None of them looked at Celaena as Ansel ambled toward a table near the front of the room. If they knew who she was, they certainly didn’t care. She tried not to scowl.

This paragraph right here. This sums up everything wrong with this book.

At first while I was reading this, I was like “Yes finally!! Celery is acting like an assassin! It took us two short stories to get here, but we finally did!” And then SJM immediately ruins it by having Celery cry and wail about nobody giving her special attention.

Boo fucking hoo! You’re an assassin, you’re not supposed to stand out, you fucking spoiled asshole!! This character is utter garbage and I hate her so much, this is actually making me enjoy the ending of E0S where she gets the shit kicked out of her and shoved into an iron coffin. Fuck her. Fuck this book.

Ansel mentions some Lord Berick guy, who Celery has never heard of before.

“He’s the villain,” said a curly-haired, dark-eyed man across from Ansel. He was handsome in a way, but had a smile far too much like Captain Rolfe’s for Celaena’s liking. He couldn’t have been older than twenty-five.

Nuance who?

Ansel blathers on about Lord Berick and how he’s the most Evil Guy Ever who wants this part of the desert or some shit. No doubt Celery will beat him in one paragraph if they meet, so who really cares.

Outside of the markets in Rifthold (...) she’d never seen such a mix of different kingdoms and continents. And though most of the people here were trained killers, there was an air of peace and contentment—of joy, even.

This place is way tf better than Arobynn’s shitty assassin joint. Please let us stay here?

Vows of silence, Ansel had explained earlier, were taken for as long as each person saw fit. Some spent weeks in silence; others, years. Ansel claimed she’d once sworn to be silent for a month, and had only lasted two days before she gave up. She liked talking too much. Celaena didn’t have any trouble believing that.

That is quite fucking rich coming from you, Celery.

Celaena felt someone’s attention on her, and tried not to blink when she noticed a dark-haired, handsome young man watching her from a few seats down. Stealing glances at her was more like it, since his sea-green eyes kept darting to her face, then back to his companions.

oh no

Their eyes met, and his tan face spread into a smile, revealing dazzlingly white teeth. Well, he was certainly desirable—as desirable as Sam, maybe.

oh god no why this

SJM has basically skipped out on love triangles (Dorito never had a chance in T0G and Tamlin never had a chance in AC0TAR, and you all know it) but nope, she just had to hit all of the shitty YA tropes. Fucking great. Poor Ilias is probably gonna be put down so Celery can realize Sammy is her one true love.

“I’m surprised you caught Ilias’s eye,” Ansel teased, keeping her voice low enough for only Celaena and Mikhail to hear. “He’s usually too focused on his training and meditating to notice anyone—even pretty girls.” (...) “I’ve known him for years, and he’s never been anything but aloof with me,” Ansel continued. “But maybe he has a thing for blondes.” Mikhail snorted.

Holy shit, is this... self awareness? I mean, both the protagonists of SJM’s big ticket series are skinny blonde white girls who have men drooling left and right for them. I bet that new Creamcheese City novel will also feature a blonde “””strong female character””” as the lead.

Celaena pushed around the food on her plate. It wasn’t that she wasn’t romantic. She’d been infatuated with a few men before—from Archer, the young male courtesan who’d trained with them for a few months when she was thirteen, to Ben, Arobynn’s now-deceased Second, back when she was too young to really understand the impossibility of such a thing.

Dude he’s like a fucking adult and she’s barely 16. Get this nasty shit outta my face. So Celery rescued Ben’s body not because he was a good guy, but because she used to have the hots for him?? This is actually gross.

Mikhail asks why Celery’s master beat the shit out of her, and she kisses her own ass for a moment or two while telling the story of freeing the slaves.

“But if the two hundred slaves that I freed are telling the story, then no, I suppose I didn’t deserve it.” None of them were smiling anymore. “Holy gods,” Ansel whispered. True silence fell over their table for a few heartbeats.

HFAKHDKAHDKAHDS I AM GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT

STOP!! MAKING!! EVERYONE!! SPLOOGE!! OVER!! CELERY!! IM SICK OF READING IT GET IT OUT OF MY FACE

The next day (I think?), Ansel takes Celery out to do some running and Celery is pissy that she isn’t immediately getting special attention from the Mute Master. Good to see Celery will never change in her selfish, whiny ways.

Celery fucking sucks at the run to the oasis and everyone continues to lap her.

A small oasis, mostly a ring of trees and a giant pool fed by a shimmering stream, was barely an eighth of a mile away. She was Adarlan’s Assassin—at least she’d made it here.

Stop reminding me she’s Adaran’s Assassin, I fucking know. Remember how I said at the beginning that Celery doesn’t splooge over herself as much as Alien does? Yeah I take it back, Celery is even more obnoxious.

Later on Ansel tries to stroke Celery’s fragile precious little ego by saying she did worse on her first run.

“My first run, I collapsed. Mile two. Completely unconscious. Ilias found me on his way back and carried me here. In his arms and everything.” Ilias’s eyes met with Celaena’s, and he smiled at her. “If I hadn’t been about to die, I would have been swooning,”

No Ilias/Ansel/Celery love triangle, please.

Celaena blushed, suddenly too aware of Ilias’s attention, and took a sip from her cup of lemon water. As the meal wore on, her blush remained as Ilias continued flicking his eyes toward her. She tried not to preen too much. But then she remembered how miserably she’d performed today— how she hadn’t even gotten a chance to train—and the swagger died a bit.

Celaena made her best attempt to look casual as she, too, stood and bid everyone good night. As she turned away, she noticed that Mikhail took Ansel’s hand and held it in the shadows beneath the table.

Apparently Ansel and Mikhail are a thing? I literally don’t care. Mikhail has said like what, five words this entire story? They’re literally just together because SJM can’t stand the idea of having any single characters (unless they’re evil).

Celery chases down The Master to demand her special snowflake treatment.

The Master paused, his white clothes rustling around him. He offered her a little smile. Up close, she could certainly see his resemblance to his son. There was a pale line around one of his fingers— perhaps where a wedding ring had once been. Who was Ilias’s mother? Of course, it wasn’t at all the time for questions like that.

Yeah, no shit Celery. Why are you such an idiot?

The Mute Master is like “wait your turn” and leaves. Ilias shows up for shipping fuel I guess?

“I have no plans to hurt him,” she said softly. But Ilias gave her a half smile, his brows rising as if to ask if she could blame him for being protective of his father.

Maybe I’m a softie, but this endeared me to him somewhat. He seems like a nice guy, which is more than what you get with 95% if SJM’s male characters. How come all of Celery’s love interests Rowboat who are waaay better characters than her?

His eyes were vivid in the torchlight, his hand firm and warm around hers. She let go of his fingers. The son of the Mute Master and the protégée of the King of the Assassins. If there was anyone here who was at all similar to her, she realized, it was Ilias. Rifthold might be her realm, but this was his.

Human brain: don’t get attached, Celery is an asshole

Monkey brain: hhhhhh parallels between partners in a ship...love....

Not that Ilias and Celery are/will be a thing, but you know. I’m a sucker for shit like this.

Ilias suddenly began making a series of motions with his long, tan fingers, but Celaena laughed softly. “I have no idea what you’re trying to say.” Ilias looked skyward and sighed through his nose. Throwing his hands in the air in mock defeat, he merely patted her on the shoulder before passing by

Ilias is a good, pure boy. I’d read a story where Sammy goes to the desert instead of Celery and him and Ilias fall in love and hold hands under the shade of the desert night. Hngh, I really wish I could be reading that fanfic instead of this novel.

As she walked back to her room, Celaena had a horrible feeling that here, being Adarlan’s Assassin might not count for much.

Celery says this like we’re supposed to feel sorry for her, but back in Arobynn;s Assassin joint she flaunts her title around and rubs it in everyone’s face so yeah, you don’t get sympathy from me.

“How long have you been seeing him?” Ansel was silent for a long moment before answering. “Since I was fifteen.” Fifteen! Mikhail was in his midtwenties, so even if this had started almost three years ago, he still would have been far older than Ansel. It made her a little queasy.

Oh. My. God.

See, I personally don’t like huge age gapes in ships (that’s just my personal preference, don’t fucking @ me) but Celery you literally said earlier you were in love with Ben, a fucking grown man, when you were a young teenager you fucking hypocrite!!!!!!!! God I fucking hate Celery!!!!!!!

With nothing else to distract her, Celaena eventually returned to thinking about Sam. Even weeks later, she had no idea how she’d somehow gotten attached to him, what he’d been shouting when Arobynn beat her, and why Arobynn had thought he’d need three seasoned assassins to restrain him that day.

Pretty simple answers. You got attached to Sammy because a) SJM wanted you to so she forced you to start thirsting for him, and b) you realized “oh hey Sammy is a good guy maybe I shouldn’t imagine myself slitting his throat”. What Sammy was shouting will be revealed later to my knowledge, and as for the 3 assassins thing... idk, tbh. I mean, Sammy is just a teenager boy, one big buff assassin should be enough to restrain him.

This chapter finally ends thank fucking god. We still have one more to go for today.

[Celaena] did run farther the next day. And the day after that, and the one following that. But it still took her so long to get back that she didn’t have time to seek out the Master. Not that she could. He’d send for her. Like a lackey.

Stop trying to make me feel bad for Celery being ignored if she’s just gonna splooge about how ~special and uhmayzing~ she is.

Like the assassins in Adarlan, the Silent Assassins weren’t known for any skill in particular—save the uncannily quiet way they moved.

That seems kinda odd. Assassins should be talented at many ways of disposing of people yeah, but wouldn’t it make more sense for some of them to have a knack for a certain type of killing, such as using poisons?

Still, even as [the assassins] corrected her posture and showed her new ways to control her breathing, she tried her best not to snarl at them. She knew plenty—she wasn’t Adarlan’s Assassin for nothing.

If I have to read that fucking sentence one more time I am ripping this book in half. No joke, I am a hair’s length away from not finishing this fucking book. Even E0S never got me to want to throw  the towel in completely and quit like this.

Perhaps if she demonstrated that she was skilled enough in these practices, the Master might take notice of her. She’d get that letter. Even if she had to hold a dagger to his throat while he wrote it.

Wow, asshole! You have to put in the tiniest amount of effort to learn and talk to people and you’re already resorting to violence??? You really are a weak and stupid protagonist and I hate you with every fiber of my being.

The attack by Lord Berick happened on her fifth night.

This made me sit up in my seat, to be honest. We finally get.... plot? Promises of action? Assassins versus assassins? Holy shit, I’m hype!

Apparently the attack happens oh so conveniently when the Mute Master and a bunch of assassins are away on a mission. Celery acknowledges this as extremely convenient, which leads me to believe there may be a rat in the assassin fortress. If not, then this is laughably stupid and convenient.

“We’re not going to kill [the soldiers]?” Celaena whispered back. (...) Ansel shook her head, watching Ilias down the line. “No, though I wish we could.” Celaena didn’t particularly care for the casual way she said it

Why would that fucking bother you?? Don’t act all high and mighty asshole, you’re an assassin the same as her. You both kill people for a living. Jesus fucking christ.

They all fire some burning arrows at an oil ridge in the sand or something which scares off Lord Berick’s goons. The scene ends.

I’m not even joking, this entire scene takes up a page and a tiny paragraph of another. I... I’m fucking speechless. You promise us an action scene and you give us this shitty, glossed over pile of garbage that serves no point? No named characters were even injured!!!!!! Holy fucking shit, SJM, you are a terrible terrible terrible writer! Please fucking stop, I can’t handle any more of these dumpster fires of novels.

The next day Mikail tells Ansel she has orders to go to Xandria, and she invites Celery to go along with, I assume Xandria is a place.....? This chapter ends. I am going to drown myself in chocolate chip cookies to heal.

[poeticandors]

I’ll Come Back For You Part 8

Poe Dameron x Reader

Summary: Y/N watches as her father confronts her brother.

Warnings: Curse words, death, violence

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 

I do not own anything!!!

Tags are under the cut.

“Ben!”

You froze as you heard you father’s voice and looked down to see him standing on a walkway, staring ahead. Standing in front of him with his back turned, was your brother.

Pushing away from the column—paying no mind to any Stormtroopers that might have been there—you made your way towards Chewie, who lowly growled in worry. Despite being higher up, you could still feel the tension between your father and brother.

“Han Solo.” The tone in his voice was low—the way it would be if you were speaking to an enemy. “I’ve been waiting for this day a long time.” Your father’s boots heavily hit against the metal of the walkway.

Behind you, the sound of doors hissing opened alerted you. Cold air and flakes of snow rushed in, but you kept your gaze on the scene below you.

You really didn’t want to believe that Ben was gone. But after what you had witnessed—him killing Lor San Tekka and torturing you and Poe—you honestly didn’t know if there was any light left.

But your mother still believed. So the only reason you are trying to get him back is for her. Maybe he will see reason if he knows that we want him back, you thought.

“Take off that mask, you don’t need it.” Chewie nudged you with his elbow hard.

Glancing up at him, he nodded back towards the steps you used to climb up and noticed it was free of Stormtroopers. Looking over the edge of the railing, it was also clear and you knew you had to get down there. Handing Chewie the detonator, you quickly, but quietly, made your way down the steps.

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?”

“The face of my son.” Jumping down from the last step, you wiped your hands against your pants to rid them of the sweat that formed, and stood behind the railing.

Your brother was taking his mask off and you realized this was going to be the first time you’ve seen his face in so long. You walked slowly to the railing and gripped onto it.  From what you could make out, he still looked the same, just older.

His black hair was a little longer, and his eyes still held that same vulnerability like when you were children. He looked so much like your father—just with darker hair. In your eyes, he was still the same old Ben that would play with you. The same Ben who would always make sure you were safe, even during pretend.

“Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him.” Tightening your grip onto railing, you leaned forward.

“Shut up, Ben!” Your father and brother both looked towards you. “You’re only saying that because that creepy Snoke told you that. We know there is still good in you, just come with us.” You stepped onto the walkway and stalked forward.

“Ah, Y/N.” This stopped you in your tracks. “I see you are just as foolish as Han Solo. No matter, I am glad you are here. The Supreme Leader has given me permission to begin your training with the Force.”

How did he—

“I can feel how strongly the Force surrounds you, Y/N.” Your mouth fell slightly open, but you quickly closed it as you scowled at Ben.

“You’re the foolish one if you think I am going to join you and that monster.” You took a cautious step forward. “Just please come home with us Ben—“

“Ben is dead!” Your father raised a hand to stop you in your tracks while he slowly made his way to your brother.

“That’s not true, my son is alive.”

“No, the Supreme Leader is wise.” Your body began to shake slightly—from the cold or the fact that your brother was truly defending this evil being, you did not know.

“Ben, you seriously can’t believe—“

The railing creaked underneath you as you took a step forward and your father shot you a look, warning you to stay back. Nodding, you watched as he turned back and walked closer towards your brother.

“Snoke is using you for your power and he will only use your sister too, if you let him. When he gets what he wants, he will crush you.” He stopped in front of your brother. “You know it’s true. You don’t have to follow them anymore; you don’t have to take your sister to them. All you have to do is come back with us.”

“It’s too late.” Your brother’s voice faltered.

Despite your father’s wishes, you took another few steps closer.

“No it’s not Ben.” Your voice shaking. “You can still turn back and come with us.”

“Leave here with us; come home.” Your father was now standing directly in front of Ben. “We miss you.”

“I’m being torn apart; I want to be free of this pain.” He paused and the Force around you became heavy. “I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?”      

“Yes, anything.” The loud slamming of your brother’s helmet landing onto the walk-way caused you to flinch.

You tried looking over your father’s shoulder, but couldn’t see what was going on. From what you could make out, your brother now held his lightsaber in his hand.

The light that was once shining quickly disappeared and you turned your head to see Rey and Finn also looking behind them as well. The planet killer was almost done charging. Praying to the Maker, you begged for Poe’s safety. Pleading that they would be successful in destroying this awful place.  

Turning back, you saw that Ben was now looking down but you were too afraid to move. The wait was agonizing—your heart beating profusely in your chest. Something suddenly entered into your mind and you furrowed your brows.

I’m sorry.

Ben ignited his lightsaber and you watched in horror as the pointed, red end came through your father’s back.

Rey’s scream was heard above, but you couldn’t do anything. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t speak. It was as if your muscles stopped functioning and all you wanted to do was run for your father.

Ben took another step forward and pushed the saber more into your father and that was when you were finally able to move—wincing harshly.

“Thank you.” Ben whispered and you whimpered as he finally switched his lightsaber off.

It was becoming hard for you to breathe. Your chest was tightening and no matter how deeply you were inhaling, it felt like no air was filling your lungs. Your vision was becoming blurry but you could clearly see your father raising his hand and placing it softly on Ben’s face.

Slowly, your father turned his head towards you and you felt yourself falling apart inside as he used his last breath to whisper your name.

And just like that, he began to fall and you pushed yourself to reach him before he fell over the precipice. But it was too late, just as your hand reached out for his, he fell back and you fell to your knees—watching as your father fell further down into an empty abyss.  

Knuckles turning white, you gripped the edge tightly as you finally looked up at your brother. Ben was watching as you broke down in front of him, but he clenched his jaw and averted his gaze from you.  

Breathing deeply, you stood up slowly and began to see red. All of your emotions hit you at once and you shoved him harshly.

“WHAT THE FUCK, BEN? HOW COULD YOU KILL OUR FATHER? HE WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU!” You began to hit him in the chest, not caring that he could kill you in that very moment.  

Tears were falling down your face and you continued screaming and pounding into his chest. Deciding he had finally had enough, he gripped onto your fists.

“Stop this, Y/N.” You fisted his shirt, bowing your head down so you wouldn’t have to look at him. “I had to do this. I had to do what was necessary in order to become more powerful.”

“No, no you didn’t have to kill him. He was just trying to help bring you back to the light.”

“No. The only way for me to be more powerful is if I destroy the past. Now you need to do so as well, Y/N. I can train you and the scavenger girl. Together, we could become so powerful, not even the Supreme Leader himself could defeat us. We can rule the galaxy as brother and sister.” Looking back up, you frowned as he looked at you with pleading eyes.

“Forget everything, Y/N. Let it all die. Forget about the Resistance. Forget that pilot. You can become powerful if you erase the past.” The fact that he decided to bring up Poe, especially after what he did to him, upset you.

Releasing his shirt, you stepped away from him. This wasn’t your Ben, the brother who would always play with you and was always there to brush the dirt off of you when you fell.

This wasn’t the same brother who stood up for you when other children began to bully you for being adopted.

Standing in front of you was someone whose lust for power overcame his love for his family. Your brother was truly gone.

“You are not my brother.” You hissed. “My brother would have never done this. He would have never killed our father and he most certainly would not have tried to force me to go to the Dark Side. You are foolish to think you will ever be as strong as Darth Vader!” Ben gazed up at you, inquiring how you knew his deepest fear—his entire demeanor shifting.

“Then what does that make you, Y/N? You don’t even belong to anyone. All you are is someone that our parents took pity over because your parents were killed. You. Are. Nothing.” He spoke through gritted teeth.

This struck a nerve. Yelling, you reached for your blaster and shot at him. Ben easily stopped the blast midair, all while pushing you backwards. The way you landed caused you to hit the back of your head all the while your legs hung over the edge—your weight suddenly being pulled down.

Groaning, you turned over onto your stomach just in time to grasp onto the metal walkway. From the corner of your eye, you could see Ben stalking towards you—causing you to whimper. Chewie roared above you, followed by a blaster going off, and you watched as Ben was hit, leaning forward in pain.

You took your chance and quickly pulled yourself up, running to the steps to join Rey and Finn, all while dodging blasts from Stormtroopers. As soon as you were reunited with your friends, the explosives went off and the three of you began to make your way out of the hangar.

The cold air blew harshly against your face and you tightened Poe’s jacket around you. You ran along with Rey and Finn until you came to a wall of rocks and watched as Rey began to climb up it. Finn had one hand laid on your back as he pushed you up to follow Rey.

You mustered all the strength that you could to pull yourself up the rocks and grabbed Rey’s hand as she pulled you up the rest of the way. Turning to help Finn, you caught sight of fire and smoke from the now damaged oscillator and smiled to yourself.

Now Poe and his team will be able to easily finish it off.

“The Falcon’s this way!” Finn yelled and you and Rey followed him.

Running through the forest, you could barely feel your fingers from the cold. Snowflakes were falling on your lashes and you tried blinking them away in annoyance.

The three of you slowed to a stop as you saw Ben, bleeding and injured, in front of you. How he beat you there, you did not know.  

“We’re not done yet.” He raised his lightsaber and pointed it towards the three of you.

“You’re a monster.” Rey hissed.

“It’s just us now, Han Solo can’t save you.” He began to punch his side and you watched as blood began to fall onto the snow.

You pushed past Finn and Rey, stopping only a couple of feet in front of Ben.

“Ben.” Your voice came out hoarse and you tried to clear your throat. “You need to stop this. Just let us leave.” Ben straightened but didn’t say anything.

This game was getting old. You knew what you had to do in order for your friends to safely make it back to the Resistance, for Poe to be safe. Sighing deeply, you took two more steps forward.

“If you let my friends leave, Ben, then I will go with you. I will not put up a fight and I will go willingly. That’s what you want right? To train me?  Just let them go and I will go with you, please.” Ben didn’t react and you began to shiver from the sudden gust of cold air, tugging on the edge of Poe’s jacket sleeves.  

No one dare spoke—only the sound of Ben’s lightsaber was heard—and Ben finally nodded, switching off his weapon. You slowly began to walk towards him but were stopped when you felt a hand tighten around your wrist. You didn’t turn to see who it was, instead putting your head down to look at the ground.

“Y/N.” It was Finn. “Please don’t do this. I can’t let you; I am supposed to be protecting you. What is Poe going to think when he sees us without you? And your mother?” Looking sideways at Finn, you gave him a sad smile. “Don’t do this, Y/N. Your father wouldn’t have wanted you to leave us and endanger yourself.”

“I have to do this Finn, it’s the only way that you and Rey can get back safely. Just tell Poe that I am sorry and that I love him.” Finn just stared at you with sorrowful eyes and you pulled gently from his grasp.

Looking at Rey, you glanced down to see her shakily holding onto a blaster. Taking a breath, you exchanged looks with Rey.

Shoot him, you thought, I am not going to go with him but please, shoot him.

Rey looked from you to Ben and through gritted teeth, raised her blaster. Before she could release the trigger, Ben Force pushed her up and you watched as Rey colliding hard with a tree.

“Rey!” As you turned to run after your unconscious friend, you were stopped in place—watching as Finn rushes to check on Rey.

The sound of snow crunching behind you made you want to turn your head, but you couldn’t. Instead, you watched Ben stalk next to you out of the corner of your eye.

“You should learn to close your mind off to wandering ears, Y/N. That is why you should have come with me when I offered.” He ignited his lightsaber once more and you struggled against the hold of the Force. “Now, you will have to watch me kill your friends. Once I am done with them, I will go after the pilot you seem to be infatuated with.” Huffing through your nose and glaring daggers, you struggled against the force holding you.

“Don’t you dare touch them, Ben!” Ignoring you, he stalked towards Finn—like a predator ready to pounce onto its prey— who was still comforting an unconscious Rey.

“TRAITOR!” You thrashed against the force, crying out his name as well as for Finn and Rey.

Gritting your teeth, you focused your mind solely on ridding of the invisible hold that Kylo had on you. Sweat trickled down your forehead, your muscles shaking, as you couldn’t contain the yell that escaped you. Suddenly, the force holding you back faltered and you ran straight for Ben with the intention of harming him for threatening your friends and lover.

Ben was quick to throw his hand back and throw you against a nearby tree. The back of your head hit the stump of the tree hard and you slumped onto the snowy ground hard. Gasping for a breath, your vision was fading in and out—red and blue blurring just before the world around you turned black.

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[creativitymouth]

The World Forgetting by The World Forgotten Pt.7

A/N - Happy New Years Eve! Hope Global Warming stops kicking our ass. 

Summary - Fight the Past. Face the Future. Survive. AgedUp!SlowBurn!RichieTozierxFem!Reader. 

Trigger Warnings: Racism, Sexual Assault Mentions, Swearing, Blood and Gore, Depression Themes. 

Chapter 7

Rock War

That night had been bad, you hadn’t encountered the clown nor the mirror girl again but the thoughts in your head were enough to compensate. You couldn’t shake the overwhelming feeling of doom that loomed over your head as unease clawed at your stomach. You wanted to hurl but you hadn’t eaten before or after the quarry, though Beverly had asked you about food multiple times. You tried to remember why life was worth living, and how you could save yourself from yourself, but nothing came up. So, you just cried until you fell asleep, you partly wished you felt this way because of an evil clown. At least that was tangible.

When Beverly had called you in the morning you were groggy, your cheeks still damp and your eyelids heavy. She spoke in a rush, but you got the point, come over now it’s a do or die. You had gotten there after everyone else and stood tiredly as they all bickered about who was going inside and who was going to stay outside to keep watch. You yawned rubbing your eyes when someone called your name.

“Huh? What? Yeah? Me?” You spoke rapidly as you blinked away the sleepiness.

“I-I-I asked if you’re c-coming in?” Bill said raising his eyebrow at you. Everyone was watching you strangely, you usually had a good attention span.

“Oh! Yeah, definitely!” You smiled, and the boys seemed to calm down. Except for Richie who was analyzing your baggy eyes as though it held the world's darkest secrets, he leaned against his car with a frown on his face. You jogged up the stairs after the boys and almost collided into Bev.

“You didn’t sleep again.” She whispered harshly under her breathe so only you could hear.

“What’s the sitch, bitch.” You ignored her as you continued to smile so wide your cheeks hurt. Her eyes narrowed at you until she remembered why she had called all of you here. Her annoyed expression faded and was replaced by one of confusion as she waved for you all to follow her. The day seemed hazy to you, as if you were still asleep, which you might as well have been.

“In there…” Beverly pointed at her bathroom door.

“What is it?”

“You'll see.” She responded to Ben.

“Great, bringing us to the bathroom.” Eddie spoke from next to you. “You know that 89% of the worse accidents occur in the bathroom and kitchen.” He looked to you to back him up and you nodded your head.  “And that's where all the bacteria and fungi are, and it is not a hygienic place.” As soon as Beverly opened her bathroom door you snapped out of whatever sleepless trance you had been in. Blood, the entire bathroom was covered in blood.

“Oh shit.” You mumbled.

“I knew it!” Eddie yelled looking as if he was 5 seconds from running all the way to the hospital to take a chemical shower. You touched his arm lightly and shook your head at him.

“Do you see it?” Beverly asked, turning her head to look at the group behind her. Your mouth was agape as you clutched tighter onto Eddie’s arm.

“Yes.” Stan muttered.

“What happened in here?” You managed to breathe out a coherent sentence. Your heart was pounding in your ears.

“My dad couldn't see it, I thought that I might be crazy.”

“Well if you're crazy, then we're all crazy.” Stan spoke up again.

“We c-c-c-can't leave it like this.” Your eyes widened as Billy tossed everyone a rag to begin cleaning, this was not how you envisioned your day. You hadn’t seen yourself leaving your home at all. You kneeled between Stan and Eddie, your heart at the bottom of your stomach. The scene reminded you too much of the mirror incident. The girl who reminded you just how much you hated yourself, as her mind ate away at her. The embodiment of your own thoughts. You wondered then, if she was right about the things she told you about Henry. If you had deserved it, wanted it even. You heart raced, fearing that the thoughts that grabbed you at night were trying to make an appearance now. You looked around at your friends, and that’s when you noticed that though their mouths were moving you heard no sound, just a humming vibration. You blinked rapidly before slowly turning back to continue scrubbing at the blood-soaked wall in front of you.

It’s all in your head (Y/N). You’re freaking yourself out.

You thought for a few panicked moments, that maybe you had lost your hearing. That for some twisted reason you’d gotten so lost in your own mind that you’d lost your senses. That was until, you started to hear whispering. You looked around you again, at your friends. Their mouths weren’t making the same movements as the whispering, and they didn’t seem to hear it.

Ignore it and it’ll go away and then everything will return to normal.

You spoke to yourself in your head, trying to get everything to slow down. Though your breathing was doing the exact opposite.

“Float.” Voices seemed to whisper around you. “Float.”

“Fuck.” You knew you’d said out loud, though you couldn’t hear it. It was the floating that you had so desperately wanted yesterday.

“You’ll float too. You’ll float too. You’ll float too!” The multiple voices only grew louder as you clutched onto the cloth staring at the now white wall.

“You’ll float too (Y/N). You’ll float too!.” You couldn’t take it anymore and you jumped up storming out of the house and hopping 2 at a time down the stairs. Your friends called after you in confusion, but you couldn’t hear them, you couldn’t hear anything except that nagging whispers to float. You were moving so fast that you had almost kicked Richie, who was now sitting on the stoop, in the head, but he grabbed your ankle. You jerked for a second, still unable to hear and not sure what the feeling was but after a few moments you spared a glance down and was surprised to see Richie sitting there. He was smiling up at you though you missed the worry in his eyes, he had on a white tank top and a leather jacket with blue jeans. You stared at him for a moment, the sound slowly coming back to your ears.

“(Y/N)?” Richie said your name like a reminder. You were still stunned, still trying to process what happened, and still messed the fuck up but you answered him.

“Huh?”

“I asked you if you sat in sugar.” He smiled at you mischievously.

“Oh,” You bounced between your feet the scratching urge to evacuate subsiding, “No. I don’t think so. Why?”

“Because you have a pretty sweet ass.” You chuckled though your head was still throbbing. “Where are you off to in such a rush? You guys done upstairs?” Your eyebrows furrowed, it wasn’t a strange question it was just that you hadn’t thought about it. Where were you running off too?

“Oh, uh -” You began but suddenly the rest of the losers came out of the house.

“No, I love being your personal doorman.” Richie rolled his eyes at the sight of his friends. “Really could you idiots have taken any longer?” Beverly looked at you strangely, your behavior had recently been weirder than usual. She noticed that you weren’t sleeping or eating, and that you kept running around the topic. She knew she was going to have to talk to you later.

“Shut up, Richie.” Bill interjected.

“Yeah, shut up, Richie.” Eddie repeated. You smiled at that, finding it hilarious when Richie got put in his place.

“Oh okay, trash the trash-mouth, I get it.” Everyone looked at him with a frown as he stood up brushing his pants off. The losers came off the steps as you guys hobbled into Richie’s car since he had carpooled. It was very uncomfortable with 7 people shoved into a 5-people car.  “Hey, I wasn't the one scrubbing the bathroom floor imagining that her sink went all Eddie's mom's vagina on Halloween.”

“Beep Beep Richie.” You said from the passenger's seat beginning to lighten up slightly.

“She didn't imagine.” Bill said from the backseat of the car defensively.  “I also saw something.”

“You saw blood, too?” You asked, now more involved with the conversation. Maybe you weren’t as crazy as you thought.  

“Not blood, I saw G-g-Georgie.” Everyone breath seemed to stop as the car began to move even slower. This was not a conversation anyone really wanted to have with Bill.  “It seemed so real, I mean it seemed like him but there was this…”

“A clown.” Eddie cut him off looking down at his hands.  “Yeah, I saw him too.”

“Wait, can only virgins see this stuff?” Richie butt in with a smirk, though you noticed the worry line making its way onto his forehead. “Is that why I'm not seeing this shit?” You were going to say something about his attitude towards the visions when the car pulled to a stop. You looked at Richie whose eyes were narrowed into slits of anger.

“Oh shit, that's Belch Huggins car.” Eddie breathed as he looked over your head at the car.

“We,” Stan begun “we should probably get out here.”

“Yes.” Richie agreed. You usually would have nodded your head in agreement not being a big fan of conflict. But your heart had stopped, eyes bulging as they landed on Michaels bike. You hadn’t seen him in 3 days, and already something bad was happening. Without warning you jumped out of the car and started running.

“(Y/N) what the fuck!” Richie called after you.

“That’s Mikey’s Bike!” You yelled back not turning around to see if your friends were behind you. You took off the jellies you were wearing and threw them to the side. They were inhibiting your running.

“The homeschooled kid?” You thought you heard Eddie ask but you were too far away to hear properly.

“Yes,” someone responded, “we have to help her she can’t go alone. Not after Henry.” There was a pounding in your ears accompanied by the soreness in your feet. Michael Hanlon had never done anything wrong to anyone in the town of Derry, yet just because of the color of his skin he was seen as a nuisance. Small town life and change didn’t coincide very well. You didn’t stop running until you saw Mike being pummeled by Henry Bowers in the creek.

“Leave him alone you giant fuck!” You screamed. Though Henry Bowers was something you had to conquer daily, you weren’t going to sit around and let him hurt your friend. Mike looked up at you in surprise his breathing rapid as his nose bled. Henry's eyes sparked when he saw you, moving as if to attack.

“So, you’ll sleep with a black guy but not me? I have to force you?” Henry had begun but a rock struck him in the forehead. You knew it was Beverly by the sound of the laughing that followed. You moved around Henry who had stumbled and grabbed Mike by the arm, pulling him back with you until his back hit the ground where your friends stood. You stood over Mike protectively, knowing that you rather get hit yourself than have Mike take any more blows. “Brave little thing aren’t you.” Henry spoke once he recovered from the blow to the head. “I thought I had smothered all the fight out.” You froze up, the confidence you felt slipping through your fingertips. “When I made you scream for help.” He continued. “When no one came, and I left you hobbling away in a tattered-up skirt.” You looked behind him to where Victor Criss stood with a solemn expression. “When I gave Patrick his turn.” The boys behind you all cursed and swore, but no one was as mad as Beverly. Henry had hurt you in ways she was familiar with, ways she didn’t want you to experience.

“Fuck you!” You heard from behind you and at first thought it was Richie, but when you saw Stan’s arm shoot out and throw the rock you were baffled. Richie was known for being over-protective of you, especially over the last few years. So seeing Stan being the first one to defend you was emotional enough without context.

“Rock War!” Richie screamed and then it broke out into chaos.  Rocks were flying and at some point, you had begun throwing them too. Ben had found his way next to you as Eddie stood in the small river flinging rocks at Henry Bowers, you shook your head, but a smile was on your face. One of those rare genuine ones that Richie adored. Your friends were protecting you and you them and the voices in your head couldn't even take this moment from you. Rocks hit skin and you were nearly 100 percent sure you heard a rock smack Richie in the forehead, you resisted the urge to turn around and instead picked up another rock and nailed Henry in the shin.  The fight carried on until Bowers was so messed up you were sure he wasn’t going to be able to walk right for a week.

“Go to Hell, Losers!” Henry yelled as he hobbled away. You continued to smile though your body was covered in bruises. You turned to Mike and gave him your hand helping him up. He wobbled a bit, but you caught him by the upper arm helping him climb up to where Richie stood.  

“Go blow your dad, you mullet-wearing asshole!” Richie screamed flashing the Bowers gang his middle fingers. You continued to hold onto Mike as you followed the losers back to Richie’s car. Despite how sore you were you couldn’t help but look at Mike and smile. He was finally going to meet the other important people in your life. Mike knew what you were thinking and grimaced a little as the group hovered by the car checking each other for bruises.

“Rich.” You breathed as you momentarily let go of Mike to make your way over to him. He had a split in the top of his head that made him look like a wizard. You stood on your tippy toes and grabbed his head with both of your hands. His breathing had stopped, noticing how close your lips were to his. He couldn’t even make himself look away. “Eddie, give me an alcohol pad and a bandage it’s still bleeding.”

“Do you think he’ll need stitches.” Eddie responded as he passed you what you asked for. The other losers looked at you and Richie with wonder. Even Mike was staring like he was in a trance. There was something about the way you were touching Richie and the emotion you both held in your eyes for the other. It was as though there was a spark, or a spotlight illuminating all you felt for the other person.  All the losers were bleeding somewhere, even you had a cut on your arm from a sharper rock but for some reason your main concern now was the cut on Richie’s forehead. It was then the entire group realized that you had feelings for Richie, even if you didn’t understand them yourself.

“This might burn.” You whispered, unsure as to why your heart was beating so rapidly. You had been close to Richie before. You took the alcohol pad and dapped slightly onto his cut, cleaning up the blood. You blew on it after to ensure it dried and it caused Richie to shiver. You bit your lip in concentration trying to slow your ever-beating heart. Soon you were pressing the band-aid onto his forehead, smoothing it along the slides so it was flat and brushing curls out of his face. You got off your tippy toes and smiled up at Richie. “All better.” He was still watching you in awe, and the group near you was bugging out.

“Yeah.” Richie said finally. “Yeah, thanks.” His cheeks grew red as he rubbed the back of his neck, he wanted to kiss you so badly. But not now, and not in front of his friends.

“Okay.” Eddie cleared his throat breaking the tension. “So.” Richie blinked a couple of times before looking away from you and back at the group. You did the same, confused as to why there was butterflies in your stomach. The shared moment even gave Richie the confidence to throw an arm around your waist. You froze for a moment but didn’t protest instead snuggling into the feeling.

“That’s Mikey!” You yelled with a smile on your face, pointing at the embarrassed Michael Hanlon. “So, I know you guys probably wondered where I go when I’m not with you or with Beverly.” The boys nodded collectively. “I’m usual with Mike at his farm, we’ve been super close since 7th grade. He asked me not to introduce him to you because he’s -”

“(Y/N)!” Mike cut you off as a blushed formed on his face. “I think they get it.” He smiled back at you. “Um,” Michael looked around him at the welcoming faces and relaxed, “Thanks guys, but you shouldn't have done that, he'll be after you too now.”

“Ah, now Bowers, he's always after us.” Stan said as he clapped a hand onto Michaels shoulder.

“I guess that's one th-th-thing we all have in common.”

“Yes son, welcome to the loser's club.” Richie said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bev said suddenly after Richie had dropped you two off back at your place. You knew exactly what she was talking about, but this was not a conversation you wanted to have.

“Tell you what?” You smiled, trying to confuse her.

“I’m not playing this game with you.” Beverly’s expression was stern, and her throat felt tight. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to scream at you or cry or both. “Why didn’t you tell me Henry Bowers raped you.” You didn’t look at her as the metallic taste filled your mouth.

“It wasn’t a big deal.” You said quietly.

“Not -” She paused furrowing her eyebrows “Not a big deal!” Now she took you by the shoulders forcing you to face her and shaking you dramatically. “How the fuck is that not a big deal (Y/N)!” Her eyes glistened. “We’re best friends! We tell each other everything! I would think you’d come to me with this, you know -” She paused looking down at her feet, before her eyes shot back up to you “You know I understand.”

“Maybe that’s why I didn’t tell you.” You shook her hands off you. “You go through so much daily, this was a one time thing.” Beverly now understood, you didn’t tell her because you felt like your problems were invalid compared to hers. You thought you were a burden, because in your mind she’s been through worse. Beverly shook her head at you, your problem was just as bad. And they were yours, so they mattered just as much.

“When?”

“What?”

“When did it happen.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it. You have it wor-”

“Shut the fuck up.” Beverly said with so much aggression your eyes widened. “You’re my best friend, and I love you more than anything on this planet. My dad isn’t shit, my mom isn’t around anymore, and until yesterday I had no other friends. So, I care (Y/N), your problems are valid, and I am here to hear them okay.” You nodded slowly. “If you don’t want to talk about it because it hurts too much that’s one thing, but if you don’t want to tell me because you think you’re protecting me then that’s another.” She was looking at you intensely. “You need to worry about yourself too sometimes (Y/N), your feelings matter.” Your eyes begun to water, she’d spoken to you on such a deep level that you didn’t know if she really understood what she told you.

“9th grade.” You began, walking over to the couch with Beverly behind you. You got everything about the situation off your chest. Told her exactly how it happened and how you felt you deserved it, and you both cried until you fell asleep.

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