#also why we had a party on a Wednesday night lol

[sparklyoats]

Now we’re are at the cabin for the rest of easter break😍

[pregnancykink]

happy wincest wednesday!! do you have a few stanford era headcanons about sam and/or dean?

Happy wincest wednesday!! Ooooh good one. I’ve got a couple, not necessarily wincest related but I’ll throw a couple of those in too.

Sam:

- Gets really into late 90s/early 00s alt. I think this probably starts in high school (listen, Nine Inch Nails’ The Fragile coming out when he’s 16 would change him), but once he’s away from his brother and fathers’ music taste he really develops his own. And because we know he keeps to himself a lot in college, afraid to really let people get to know him, I can sooo see him alone in his dorm with the portable CD player he saved up to buy with work-study money just listening to Hole and Nirvana and RHCP and Smashing Pumpkins and Soundgarden and stuff lol

- I know a lot of people HC that Sam experiments with guys during his time at college but I don’t know that he does…even in California, 2001-2005 was a pretty rough time to be out, and I honestly mostly picture him jerking off to gay porn more than I do him having a quasi-steady sex life with guys. I tend to also see Sam as having a preference toward women. However I DO think he got in at least one gay sex experience at a bar one night after amicably beating the guy in darts, and when he got home he spent all night wondering if Dean’s also had experiences with guys (he has) and he never stops to think about the fact that he is like, really intensely thinking about his brother’s sex life lol

- Jess is the only one of his friends (and later girlfriend, obv) he tells about Dean. He lets the rest of his friends think he’s an only child, military brat, bad relationship with his father. Brady of course knows he’s got a brother and sometimes tries to wheedle this out of Sam, who’s pretty tight-lipped about his family. Some of his acquaintances think he’s a cult escapee. Jess asks why Sam doesn’t talk to Dean anymore and he says “I just can’t” and never elaborates

Dean:

- We know Dean and John go to check on Sam at Stanford sometimes, but one night after John goes back to the motel Dean continues to tail Sam. Even gets kind of angry that Sam hasn’t picked up on Dean following him – his reflexes have gotten bad. Really seriously considers revealing himself, and even follows Sam all the way to a bar or party. Then he sees Sam meet up with Jess, give her a kiss, have a real smile on his face, and he turns and walks away. He’s really angry, like, way more angry than he has a right to be, doesn’t think about why, goes to a dive bar and picks up a guy, specifically, to fuck

- Whereas sexual stuff with John used to be more of a rarity, it becomes really regular once Sam is gone. I don’t read this as an equal relationship; I think Dean thinks he has some sort of power and has consented to it, but really he’s not in a position to say no. Whether John meant to or not, he groomed Dean, and once Sam is gone there’s no reason to hide

- Similar to the Jess & Sam situation, Cassie is the only person Dean tells about Sam. Not that he makes a habit of bringing up his family to people he sleeps with at all – not that he makes a habit of having relationships in general – but stuff comes up in pillow talk sometimes. “Just me and my dad,” he’ll always say. He doesn’t want to share Sam with these people, they don’t mean anything anyway. But Cassie means something, so it doesn’t feel so bad to share Sam with her. It doesn’t work out, and he stops saying anything about his family to anyone. Always just claims to be on his own; lost his family young

[kcowgill]

lol

Hocrap, switching meds knocked me on my tuchus. I had to call off of work a few days. And was grouchy and irritable for a few days after that.

And THEN...

So the kids’ spring break was this past week. My wife’s been itching to get out. Since my son’s a freshman in high school she realized we’ll only have a few more opportunities for taking little vacations. So off we went!

We took a mini road trip to Louisville, Kentucky. Why? Why not! It was a few hours drive, and we’ve gone there before but only briefly, so we wanted to enjoy it a bit more. With our dogs.

We drove down on Wednesday. Packed light - only two large dog crates and barely enough clothing to last (AirBnB had laundry, so...) Everything fit on top of my car in my rooftop “car bag” (IDK what else to call it). Big dogs in the rear cargo area with a couple of cushy beds, Riley in the backseat with the kids.

Get down there, unpack, order some food for pickup, but it was dark and where we were staying had some severe weather damage - street lights out, stoplights completely nonfunctional, etc. So getting to pick up the food in the dark was not fun.

Next day we hit up the Louisville Slugger museum for the factory tour, and went to a place for lunch called Mussels and Burgers. I went in thinking I’d get a burger, but wound up with a plate of mussels. The whole rest of the day I could only smell the distinctive smell of the baseball bat factory (like burned wood? Unsure) and could only hear Men at Work’s “Down Under”* song running through my head.

The next day we realized Louisville is only a couple hours from Cincinnati, so why not pop by and visit my dad and stepmom? So we did! With the dogs.

We found a dog park with SO MUCH ROOM TO RUN. And they did! With a new friend “Daisy”, a tiny little 11 month old french pug? The bad news? Dog park was MUDDY. So we tried to figure out how to clean up three muddy dogs on Good Friday. Finally found a tractor supply store with DIY dog wash stations, so off we went! Riley went straight up into the tub, Apollo wanted nothing to do with it. Boomer eventually got into the tub with Riley, and somehow my wife wrangled Apollo into the other tub. I washed Riley who was easy - short hair, less mud, smaller surface area, more compliant. My wife washed Apollo, and started drying him before I figured out how to turn on the hose, but as she was drying him realized his butt was still muddy. Anyhow we both finally finished, got the dogs mostly dried, paid, and went to my dad’s place to hangout in their apartment building lobby which (as we’d already determined) the dogs could also hang out in. And ordered pizza for takeout.

Few hours back to Louisville in time to turn in for the night, wake up SUPER early to drive back to Chicago to get my son to his friends noon birthday party (oy!) and I slept the rest of the day because I hardly slept at all the night before.

And all I have to show for all of this are these few lousy pictures.

My wife & kids got more pictures so as soon as I can grab those I’ll post them here for y’all.

---

* Why? Because I also got mussels when we went to Brussels a few years back, and as we all know Brussels and mussels is a double whammy for this lyric:

Buying bread from a man in Brussels He was six-foot-four and full of muscle

[thirstworldproblemss]

I posted 3,242 times in 2022

201 posts created (6%)

3,041 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@themandaloriandaily

@eggdrawsthings

@bestintheparsec

@trashcora

@ithinkwehitametaphor

I tagged 3,230 of my posts in 2022

#q - 3,067 posts

#pp stuff - 2,080 posts

#it's mando hours - 1,905 posts

#star wars - 1,868 posts

#din djarin - 1,632 posts

#the mandalorian - 1,574 posts

#fanart - 1,427 posts

#gifs - 909 posts

#grogu - 907 posts

#the book of boba fett - 789 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#we've not *quite* hit national lampoon levels of ridiculous complications and inconveniences but boy have we come closer than i would like

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Anonymous Asked:

I’m seeing your stories again all through my dashboard. People finding out about the underrated Frankie.

It’s been decided. No more catfish. He is now officially known as ………

Frankie “Big Dick” Morales😈😈😈😈

lol🥴🫣

—

Ahahaha... Hell Yeah! 'Big Dick' Morales for the win!! <3

🚁📏🍆

Thank you, love, for the support and for making me laugh!! 😁🥰

Alas, as much as I wish I could take credit for the idea, I definitely was not the first to envision Frankie as a big boy.

Here's some of my other favorite 'BD' Frankie stories:

Coming Home by  @astroboots  (the first part of her Frankie x reader x Santi Homecoming ‘verse which was the inspiration for In the Still of the Night)

Weeknights by @frannyzooey​ (this entire series is so, so good, and once things heat up in ch 3: Wednesday it’s hot like fucking FIRE)

Behind the Raindrops by @jazzelsaur (a long, sometimes painful read, but an absolutely fantastic one; there's some exceptionally hot solo action in ch 8.1.1, and then Frankie’s BD officially joins the group chat ‘round about ch 13)

Moving Day by @adverbedly​ (also Frankie x reader x Santi; possibly the og BD Frankie, or at least the first one I remember reading)

Wild Things by @charnelhouse​ (charnie has so freakin’ many fantastic fics featuring ‘BD’ Frankie, but I think this one just might be my favorite of hers)

These are just the ones I could remember off the top of my head (well okay, I had to phone a friend because I have the memory of a goldfish--thanks, cici!), but I'm sure I've missed a bunch!

Anyone else have any 'Big Dick' Frankie recs to share? 👀👀

95 notes - Posted November 6, 2022

#4

Anonymous asked:

So happy you extended the deadline for your fanworks celebration! I have to share some of my favorite recent Triple Frontier fanfics! 🤩

✩ Slumber ✩ by @write-and-buried {Frankie}

✩ Bunny Girl ✩ by @laters-gators {Santiago}

✩ The Party ✩ by @juletheghoul {Frankie}

✩ Only Angel ✩ by @j-buchanan {Frankie/reader/Santiago}

✩ Sunshine State ✩ by @brewsterispunkk {Benny}

✩ Double or Nothing ✩ by @supernaturalgirl20 {Frankie}

✩ My Brother's Keeper ✩ by @dieterbravospr {Frankie}

✩ Time Changes ✩ by @tripleissue {Will}

Hope you like them!

→ (See the full post)

122 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

#3

Fic: Not Smart, Very Stupid Games

(Part of @astroboots​' Homecoming ‘verse )

Fandom:  Triple Frontier Pairing:  Santiago Garcia x F reader (x Frankie Morales) Length:  7.5k words Rating: Explicit 🔞 Warnings:  This fic contains explicit sexual content including male masturbation, getting caught, orgasm delay/edging (both accidental and intentional), a handjob and some mild fem dom within a poly relationship. Also mentions oral sex, p-in-v sex, m/m/f threesome shenanigans and a homemade sex tape. 

Summary: Santiago Garcia is not the most patient man, but that doesn’t mean he can’t learn… right?

Notes: This story takes place in ‘boot’s spectacular Homecoming ‘verse. Her reader is taller than Santiago but should otherwise be a blank slate (please let me know if I botched this). Set at some point after the events of Play stupid games win stupid prices, which are referenced here. You don’t need to read that (or any of HC) to understand this, but why wouldn’t you!? It’s absolutely amazing!

Not Smart, Very Stupid Games

[ twp’s Masterlist | HC Series Masterlist ]

“There is a file in your documents folder named ‘sex tape’,” Santi says into the phone, running a hand over his jaw as he stares at the file in question, “Please tell me that is not our actual sex tape?”

“Of course it is. What else would it be?” you respond distractedly, tone ever-so-slightly indignant in the way that says you don’t see what the problem is.

“You can’t just–” He breaks off, massaging his temples in a futile effort to rub out some of the tension building behind his eyes. “Cariño, that’s a huge security risk. Anyone could just waltz right in and click play.”

He suits actions to words, sliding the pointer over to double click the file. The player opens, and then he’s looking at an image of you climbing into Frankie’s lap.

Shit. He’s going to have to encrypt this.

→ (See the full post)

174 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#2

Favorite Fanworks Recs

Here’s the final list of all the fic, art, gifs, and more that were recommended for my Show Me the Fanworks! Celebration.  In the end you lovely folks recced a truly spectacular 154 of your favorite fanworks from 75 talented creators!  

💕 Thank you so much to everyone who participated!! 💕

Here’s a breakdown of fanworks by character:

Din Djarin (The Mandalorian) - 34

Frankie Morales (Triple Frontier) - 25

Javier Peña (Narcos) - 18

Dieter Bravo (The Bubble) - 10

Pero Tovar (The Great Wall) - 10 

Marc Spector/Steven Grant/Jake Lockley (Moon Knight) - 10

Ezra (Prospect) - 8

Santiago Garcia (Triple Frontier) - 7

Pedro Pascal - 5

Marcus Pike (The Mentalist) - 4 

Javi Gutierrez (TUWoMT) - 4

Miller Brothers: Benny & Will (Triple Frontier) - 4

Dave York (The Equalizer 2) - 3+

Agent Whiskey (Kingsman: TGC) - 3

Marcus Moreno (We Can Be Heroes) - 2

Max Phillips (Bloodsucking Bastards) - 2

Black Krrsantan (The Book of Boba Fett), Pedro Across the Street (Calls), The Thief (Casillero Del Diablo), Oberyn Martell (Game of Thrones), Joel Miller (The Last of Us), Maxwell Lord (Wonder Woman 1984) - 1 each

→ (See the full post)

352 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Fic: In the Still of the Night

Fandom: Triple Frontier Pairing: Frankie Morales x F reader Length: 8.7k Rating: Explicit like whoa for sex stuff

Warnings: this fic contains explicit sexual content including male masturbation, edging, accidental (and then intentional) voyerism, overstimulation, and unprotected p-in-v sex within an established relationship with some soft femdom and swtichy overtones. May inspire unrealistic expectations.

Summary: Frankie “Big Dick (Bigger Libido)” Morales wakes up in the middle of the night wanting you.

Notes:  Please be aware that I’m not even close to joking about this Frankie having a big dick and an even bigger sex drive.  I’ve tried to play it straight (and hopefully sexy) for purposes of this fic, but be prepared to suspend your disbelief a little (we’re officially in “refractory period? what refractory period?” land, folks)

—

In the Still of the Night

[ twp’s Masterlist ]

— 

It’s the middle of the night when Frankie jolts awake, his pulse thudding away in his ears, arousal clenched like a fist in his gut.

→ (See the full post)

435 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[emeraldbabygirl]

this highlight stuff better be a fucking phase bc why am i crying over and lowkey highkey babying this grown ass man whos almost 14 years older than me

also my college ends wednesday so there's that :D

but damn im still worried about to1, last time they disappeared it was for a reason (idol's passing) but now they're just gone. and kyungho hasnt posted on bubble in 4 days. he rarely goes ONE day w/o posting on bubble

also i heard blackpink in the store today lol

Why do you want it to be a phase? Highlight is so good and I highly recommend checking out their music when they were going by B2ST. Shock is so good and Beautiful Night is such a summer night party banger, that song never gets old and it’s so damn good. Good Luck and Yey and Adrenaline are also really good too I recommend those songs as well. Also 12:30 and Ribbon and Butterfly are slow jams. They came out with Ribbon and Butterfly before they changed they name and left cube so it’s got such a nostalgic and significant feeling to me personally. Also cause of the time it was released and when I listened to it just reminds me of a summer night. ALSO CALLING YOU AND PLEASE DONT BE SAD ARE SO GOOD. Ugh I really need to get back into them it’s been so long since I’ve listened to Highlight. Not since way before the members Al started enlisting. I DID WATCH PREDATOR THO! So I’m not completely slow!

And it’s understandable to baby Yoseob he’s got the cutest lil face ever and I’m pretty sure most Yoseob stans still baby his old ass. My sister and I still do.

ALSO ALSO ALMOST DONE WITH COLLAGE FOR THE SEMESTER OR YEAR OR FORVER? Idk how college works I never went lol but are you getting summer vacation soon then? I wish you GOOD LUCK on all your finals exams and tingz uwu!

:( try not to worry too much about to1. I know how if feels as I have a lot of groups I’m following that are mia but we can only wait and hope that nothing band bad happened. And it is wake one so it could be anything. Just gotta wait it out and hope the boys are doing well and taking care of themselves. And maybe maybe! They are being given a break which it’s necessarily a bad thing! Try to be positive and maybe they’ll come back with something new and fun

P.S the only kpop song I’ve ever heard in a store is bts lol and I didn’t even recognize it til my sister brought it up and then I had to listen more carefully and it was dynamite.

[tetrisfinished]

morbid thoughts

sometimes i have just some ridiculous thoughts and i've gotten to a point now where these thoughts have associated themselves to emotions that come up every time. emotions of anxiety or actually experiencing something that isn't happening in real life but the feeling of iminent death or disaster....overall, it's not fun.

anyway, these thoughts/feelings in particular are linked to my sincere belief that everyone's time of death is decided upon at the moment they are born and this is sort of a set-in-stone sitch. you can change your destiny, fate, qismat, what have you, but time of death will not change.

also this is a belief rooted in islam (and i am muslim lol).

ANYWAY there is one incident that i can recall for why this belief really rooted into my brain and it was back in the year 2007. i wasn't part of this experience personally, but it was relayed to me.

a couple of my nani's cousins living in pakistan went to a rally for benazir bhutto - it was actually a procession for her arrival to pakistan (in karachi) from the airport to her home. and this happened in september/october-ish.

anyway, my nani's cousins were politically on her side ie held political affiliations and at the time decided they would go join the rally/procession. 2 brothers, fanatically ran out the door together in happiness and excitement to go cheer on their favourite political leader! this was how the story was told to us later. that even though both their wives said why bother, it's okay, you can skip out, they still decided to go. nothing could or would stop them.

and as it turns out - they would not have stopped for anything at all that day. because they ran towards their death. that was when it was written for them. you see, as part of the process, there were folks who were also against her political party and they let off a bo*mb there. and these 2 brothers got caught directly in the line of fire.

anyway, i guess just the way the story was told - that nothing could stop them. nothing would stop them. though everyone tried - in the end they were pulled to that place at that time because of a higher order. because this was their ToD.

that event has been in my head since then just reinforcing my belief that death is written for us. it is a certainty - perhaps the only one - of life, that death is guaranteed. but it is also a belief i hold that it's exact time is also written for us.

anyway. today we woke up - we had no real plans this weekend and i had never told esa what we were going to be doing this weekend. as it turns out, he hasn't been to daycare since wednesday when he decided that he just was refusing to go. and so i agreed and let him stay home on wednesday - thursday and friday were more of the same, but by thursday afternoon he got sick as well.

so friday he insisted, but i would have kept him home anyway because he was a bit feverish.

in any case, we only had one dinner planned with yasir's buddies tonight (saturday night) and nothing else over the weekend. otherwise i was thinking of doing some light cooking but mostly i had wanted to focus on re-potty-training esa - which....even that i was sort of letting the ship sail because esa was not feeling well.

but this morning when esa woke up, there was only one request on his mind. "i want to go to nano house"

and he reiterated again and again and again and finally i gave in. despite that i didn't want to come to my parents because again he's a bit under the weather and it's a fair drive to come here and back and of course we did already have plans this evening (though in fairness, i was probably going to excuse myself even from those given that esa is not feeling well and the dinner was meant to start at 8 PM - which already i was not stoked about given that that's a fairly late dinner start time!).

in any case on the drive over, when we were roughly 17 minutes away from arrival, my sister called. i was seeing the whatsapp conversation happen as the messages popped up on my car, but obviously since i was driving i wasn't actually listening to the conversation. anyway she called to ask how the drive was going and to tell us that my cousin's wife sent a tornado notification in the common cousins whatsapp group.

and then while i was even just on the call with her (which wouldn't have been more than 5 minutes i think) i got the emergency notification as well.

o my goodness the anxiety that set into my stomach at that point.

i thought for sure - this is how we'll go. esa and i together trapped in a tornado.

so ya....that was a fun 15 minute drive here where i conjured up all the scenarios we could encounter as we ran towards our own end.

obviously none of them happened. but when we got into the driveway, there was a huge crow that was sitting in the yard. so of course i got even more convinced.

now, the rain has ended (it was actually quite light) and the sun is back out. and inshallah khair we might live to see another day lol (obviously who knows how many of our breaths are truly guaranteed, but we're here now).

and that's the story from today.

much love,

k

[ocean-anchored]

Dear future self... February 12, 2024

It's been a seriously busy week & weekend. Let's recap.. Monday last week Danny put charlie down. That was a sad day, I wasn't sure how it was going to hit me, but when I saw Cody's stories, I crumbled and cried a lot of the day. Tuesday went for lunch with Chrystal for our work department christmas party. Then went to Canadian brewhouse with a group to watch the oilers/knights game. Kamber, tyson, shane, amber & naythan, it was a lot of fun. Man i love amber, I shit talked her a lot & Knights won so that was fun, killed their 16 winning streak so she wasn't too pleased of course. Wednesday I went to a little pub with Callum Domke, grade 4 friend because we had matched on bumble & thought it would be funny to catch up after 20+ years. He was the same & it wasn't awkward at all. It was funny, we just talked about life & everything & had a lot of good laughs, it was a nice wholesome night. Thursday I relaxed. Friday I went to Bottlescrew bills with Corey, or we started our night there. We were supposed to play cornhole but they didn't have any games so we had some food & then walked over to Craft. We chatted for hours, we didn't even end up playing a game we just talked constantly which was really nice. I got to know him a lot better & see a much more deeper side to him. He's really smart. His past is interesting, he's a bit more of a party boy than I wished, but he's also turning 35 next month. We went back to his place around midnight probably to play overcooked. I had opened up a lot about my past with him & he did too. I think it connected us a lot deeper & he had said he struggled with depression to. He said he's told me more things than most people know about him which was kind of nice. Overcooked was hilarious, we had so much fun. Honestly he makes me laugh so hard. I felt like I was flirting with him a lot & trying to hint at him. Finally at like 2 or 3am I think i jokingly said he hurt my feelings & he asked how he could make it up to me which is when I got super shy. He obviously knew & kissed me. It was pretty hot if I'm being honest. He's a really good kisser. He said earlier in the night that he loved my smile & my eyes so it was great to know he was attracted to me lol. i ended up staying over but nothing happened, we just cuddled & he was very respectful that I didn't want to do anything further. We cuddled a lot which was nice, & I think we passed out around 5am. I was up way too early & kind of laid & tossed for a bit till 10:30am. I felt like I was intruding a bit & didn't want to over stay my welcome, but he had said he didnt want to get up yet & pulled me in to cuddle him. Which we cuddled & talked till about 12:30. It was honestly just a really sweet wholesome night & morning. He still didn't try to take advantage of me which was great. He made me coffee & we had a relaxing hour before I thought i should go home at like 2pm. I went home & spent time with nova for a while. Then went to Waterhole to meet Drew for dinner. I didn't know what to expect really, I was nervous for sure. I'm not sure if he was nervous too, but our conversation isn't the best & that's why I didn't think it was going to be a long night. The first part was a bit bumpy & I wasn't sure. He's just not good at keeping a conversation going. He's super attractive though & has a good head on his shoulders. Actually to the point of being someone that I've been interested in & looking for. We talked a lot about red flags & what we were looking for in a relationship etc. We hung out till about 8pm ish though so 3 hours, it felt pretty good by the end of it & when we walked outside he said he wanted to see me again & I laughed asking if I checked off some boxes. He texted me later that he did want to go on another date so that was nice to hear.

[nnnorthstarrr]

Choosing to be vulnerable, even if it's into the void.

I want to feel truly unhinged without the self-awareness that makes me know that it is unsustainable to act purely on wants. It is coming toward the end of a five day bender (12 days if you ignore the Wednesday i took off to be sober). I do not want to feel sober and present tomorrow.

A relationship I had originally seen myself in for a long time has come to a disgusting end. It has caused trauma that I have been actively trying ( and failing), to ignore. No amount of drinking or fucking my roommate or going skiing in the summer has fixed it. I dont feel better, usually I just feel distracted.

Today, after spending the whole day drinking and doing recreational powders at work, I invited a complete stranger from tinder to come over and fuck me. I was nervous because I hadn't had sex with anyone other than my ex or my roommate in over a year. We had actually very good (and semi awkward) sex, but i kicked him out for fear that things would get weird if my roommate saw. Luckily for both of us, we are both promiscuous people going through difficult break ups right now, so when i was sitting in the living room with my sister (also drunk, on her way home from an event she bartended at, and a subsequent after party), he came out with his own guest. Contrary to the belief that seeing someone you're actively having sex with have a sexual relationship with someone else would be nerve-wracking, I got immense comfort out of this. He is the same zodiac signs (big three) as me, so we tend to be very similar. It was both of our first nights bringing people home both since out individual break ups, and since we started sleeping together.

Overall not a bad night, but my day was riddled with moments of guilt over my drinking habits the past week. I work with my roommate, and we spent the daytime at local festivals, drinking our way into being tipsy at work. When i arrived i started crying. I can't explain why. I blame my self awareness of the fact that I can not just be drunk for a week because it is not normal. my body feels like shit and the blow makes everyone think i look crazy and semi mal nourished lol.

till next time,

xitlaly.

[sithara-studies]

21/02/2022 - 27/02/2022

Yes I know it's a week since I posted anything and here's a recap (long post incoming) of it and you'll also understand why I couldn't post-

Monday

IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY PEOPLE. This baby turned 15!!! (yes I know I'm a year younger for my grade but who cares?). So I had my science exam on that day and it actually went pretty well and the day went as normal with people giving me gifts and me giving chocolates in return. Not gonna lie, I was overwhelmed with awwness looking at the gifts after reaching home.

After a session of math tuition, I studied for arabic exam and got ready with an outfit of a black crop crewneck with plain sky blue flare jeans paired with my chelsea boots which I showed earlier. Me and my family went out to pizza hut for dinner and returned back home early. The day was pretty amazing overall.

Tuesday

Alright, so I think the arabic teacher betrayed us? because we didn't expect descriptive questions and we learnt MCQ type ones. But anyway keeping that aside (because we don't care much about arabic), we are semi-finals in various sports activities and I apparently got first in 400m running? I mean I was not excited after winning because I wanted to be happy only for the final result.

So I actually didn't do anything productive that day because I was really tired and sleep all evening and night long.

Wednesday

Ahhh the day of the finals! So my school took us to a stadium for the annual sport meet AND GUESS WHAT? I GOT THIRD PLACE IN THE FINALS!!!! I won something and I was happy lol. Though I lost in long jump and shortput, I was more happier for this. Again, I was really tired because I had to stand and run under the sun for a very long time and my head was paining a lot. So I took rest the whole evening but studied for my ICT exam the next day.

Thursday

The ICT exam went pretty well. I'd rate it like a 4/5. After the exam, we had a cultural fiesta, so we went out and had a lot of fun watching participants doing singing, dancing and elocution. I didn't take part in any because I'm not good at singing and elocution and I didn't have much time to learn a dance lol. We also didn't have classes the whole day, so I didn't study anything.

Friday

Okay, to be honest, THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF THE WEEK. Me and my friends (6 friends aka crazy people I love + 2 brothers of theirs + 2 parents) went to expo again. This was my second time going there and I visited like 6 more pavilions and OMG I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME and I got amazing pictures with my friends. I still cannot stop obsessing about that day still now.

Saturday

Alright, so I gave a birthday party treat in a park for my friends. I invited like 11 people but like 5 could only come. 2 of them were my childhood besties and the other 3 are my school besties, but all of them played an important role in my life (including the ones who didn't come). I was dressed in a black and yellow frock lol and my long fingers murdered a chocolate cake and a limo pizza. Then we all walked around and took pictures that again I can't stop obsessing about.

Sunday

Okay so I didn't go out anywhere because I wanted to complete school work and here's what I did-

Chemistry poster

Physics notes

Physics practicals

Math tuition

Math tuition homework

Math mind map of 2 chapters

Studied for Moral Education exam (2 chapters)

This is the end of the post! and here's a song I listened to a lot this week-

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Comte’s One More Wedding Event (full release)that should have just came out in Japanese Version. Could you translate it or summarize it, please? Thank you for your time.

I can't believe you want to give me this kind of power, but if you insist 😂💛

That being said, because my translation skills are rough at best, I'll be summarizing and selecting specific parts to discuss if I feel a need to quote directly.

If you don't want spoilers for Comte ES, run!

Y'all. Y'ALL. REEEEEEEEE I LOVE HIM. NOBODY LOOK AT ME I'VE BEEN CRYING ON AND OFF FOR DAYS

ANYWAY

So this particular event begins with MC bringing Comte a letter as he thanks her. One glance at the return address tells him that it's a pureblood gathering invitation, and upon opening it he's right. He shrugs it off and says he'll reply to it later, setting it aside.

MC, perceptive as ever, asks if he's declining the invitation. Comte explains the nature of the party and how only purebloods are allowed to end. Furthermore, the gathering takes place on their first wedding anniversary--and he would much prefer to spend the day with her.

Comte: “MC, any gorgeous evening party–no matter how beautiful–means nothing to me without my wife at my side. The place I belong is with you.”

MC: “Er…”

His gold eyes are steady and unwavering as he looks at me, and my heart skips a beat.

Comte: “Anywho I have no intention of attending this party, as it also overlaps with the date of our anniversary. Our first wedding anniversary is an important day, and I want to spend it with my beloved wife.”

Comte smiles winningly, all while staring straight at me.

MC, however, finds herself conflicted. Given how little she knows about purebloods, she wishes she could attend the party to better understand him and the community he's a part of. She admits this, to Comte's great surprise, but feels bad about it because she doesn't mean to ask something impossible of him. (One of the requirements of the party is that you have to be a pureblood vampire to be invited. ON WEDNESDAYS WE WEAR PINK) Comte clarifies that--because she's his wife--she's welcome to attend alongside him. He offers to take her with him if that's what she wants.

MC: “Are you really sure it’s okay for me to go, though?”

Comte: “Certainly. But I would never force you if you were uncomfortable, of course.”

MC: “No, I don’t hate the idea!”

Comte: “But I’d understand if being surrounded by purebloods would be rather nerve-wracking for you…And so many of them have a superiority complex a mile wide; they’re a prideful bunch. While it may not be all of us, there are enough that it might be stifling for you to be around them.”

Comte: “In light of all that, are you certain you still wish to go?”

[I know he’s just doing his best to prepare me for what I might face at a party like this--he doesn’t want me going in with the wrong idea. It’s very likely he had intended to decline the invitation to spare me the discomfort, and the burden of making a choice that would affect/limit him too. The concern in his features makes me melt.]

The part I love most about this scene is that this is just the beginning of so many attempts on his part to prepare her realistically, but also support her decision. As much as he wants to go with her he's never going to put her in the position of deciding for the both of them. He knows there's a great deal of pressure to face among such a forbidding/traditional society, and if she needs more time to prepare for that--he wants to give her the space to get used to something so unfamiliar. In truth, I don't see him ever asking her to go if she didn't want to--even if it stung to have that part of him rejected...

MC considers for a moment, but she's resolved to understand him and his people better. She explains as much, and Comte brightens at the confession.

MC: “I’m sorry if it’s a bit much to ask of you, but thank you…!”

Comte: “I should be the one thanking you, now I look forward to the gathering.”

MC: “You’re…looking forward to it?”

When I tilt my head quizzically, le Comte draws me close with a faint smile on his lips.

Comte: “I’m excited to introduce you as my wife.” (SCREAMS AND CRIES)

This gets INSANELY cute because he gathers her close to him and she just gets very bashful about it. She apologizes--saying she knows she should be more used to it given they've already been married a year now, but his response is so sweet: “Why apologize? I’ve always thought my wife is the cutest.”

They both think back to their wedding ceremony at the mention of how long they've been together, and MC's eyes find the flower pins she gifted him on top of his hourglass (which fking one he has like 300).

Some background for anyone unaware: when Comte and MC got married, MC gifted him these flower pins--they were flowers that were preserved (in metal I think? idk exactly how it works they just look metallic in his outfit art). She explains that they're an attempt to symbolize her love for him, in that she intends to remain unchanging in her feelings forever. I find it's also an apt metaphor for MC herself; it's not unlike her agreement to become a vampire to stay with him.

MC: “You’ve been taking good care of the flowers I gave you.”

Right next to the hourglass lie the preserved flowers I gave him. They gleam in the light with ease, clearly polished and looked after–not a speck of dust on them.

Comte: “With those you swore your love to me. Isn’t it only natural that I’d take good care of them?” (LISTEN COMTE YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THE REALITY OF THE MALE SPECIES QUIT PLAYIN)

After that scene there's a timeskip to the night of the party--and after everyone celebrates their anniversary in the mansion all day--they hop in a carriage. MC is a little lost in thought, preparing herself for what's to come. When he asks if she's nervous she fully admits to it, but with a caveat. She's nervous because she doesn't know what to expect and she's concerned about committing a social faux pas, but she's not afraid or anxious.

Before I came to this time I had absolutely no concept of what an elaborate dinner party looked like–and besides which, this time it’s going to be a room full of purebloods. I’m nervous, sure, because I’ve never done this before--but it’s not quite anxiety or fear.

MC: “As long as you’re beside me, I’m invincible–anytime, anywhere.”

I can navigate anything: unfamiliar social circles, even an entirely new era of time. Because Comte is always so steady and reliable, always there for me, my anxiety ebbs and I can shine–be the very best I can be.

Comte: “MC…”

Comte looks absolutely moved by what I have to say, directing a gentle, tender look at me.

Comte reiterates his previous warning, that they might be weirdos and/or rude because they're stuck in their ways. He knows their discriminatory nature is wrong, but he believes in her ability to overcome those things--and fully intends to support her. He also lets her know what to expect in terms of the schedule: mostly mingling, and dancing is reserved for the very end of the party only.

Gatsby hour begins and MC marvels at the enormous venue sparsely populated by people dressed to the nines (I can only imagine how Comte dressed her up for this event in light of that LMFAO). Comte tells her he's going to get some drinks, and MC agrees to wait for him. In a classic lowkey queen move, she retreats against a nearby wall to take in her surroundings. She feels a certain intensity to be surrounded by people who look so young and beautiful, and yet carry the experience of lifetimes within them. She also notes the slightest permeating scent of blood in the air, assuming most of the people in attendance are drinking Rouge in their wine glasses.

When Comte returns to her, he offers her a glass of red wine, and she takes it with a smile.

MEAN GIRLS TIME!!!!!

So these two ladies approach le Comte yelling about how long it's been since they've seen him, and about the rumors that he got married. Without missing a beat he confirms it's true, and introduces MC to them as his wife. MC offers a greeting and a curtsy, but the women openly spurn her because she's not a vampire lmao. ("Who put you on the planet" energy, essentially). I still can't tell if they were acting like insane mother-in-laws on Comte's behalf, or out of jealousy--or weirdly both.

All casual dismissal, the women sashay away from us, dresses swishing.

[It seems like I really won’t be accepted as Comte’s life partner so long as I remain human…]

Comte: “…I’m sorry. I’m afraid that is the usual attitude of pureblood vampires. Not all of us are like that, but they still made you feel uncomfortable ;;;;”

MC: “That’s not something to apologize for. I’m happy to attend such a lovely party as your wife.”

I don’t want to ruin the occasion for him, so I beam at him.

Comte: “MC…” His lips descend close to my ear, pressing the lightest kiss against it.

Comte: “Thank you, MC…I’m happy, too.”

While Comte is full of uwus and love for his wife, she notes he stops there--likely because it's a public venue. (And I'd wager respectability politics, given a lot of old school people tend to say horrible things at the slightest sign of PDA lol. It would give them all the more reason to be nasty to MC.) MC notes that no matter how small the gesture or how often he extends his affection, it always sets her heart racing (what a damn mood) and they both gear up to greet everyone else. They're both like ganbatte!!! at each other and it's really cute, haha.

[No matter how many times he does things like this, I’m always caught off guard. I imagine we’ll be this way forever…]

Comte: “Here we go, the party’s only just begun. Let’s get to it and enjoy ourselves. No need to hesitate, it’s our wedding anniversary after all–this is a time for you to smile.”

MC: “Haha, thank you very much! Then I’ll definitely enjoy it to the fullest!”

We continue to greet and chat with other purebloods, the night goes on while I sample some of their food–

At some point MC separates from Comte to use the restroom. When she exits to rejoin the crowd, she hears the voices of those two women that openly rejected her earlier. They basically talk about how Comte and MC will never last or have a meaningful relationship, and that Comte is wasting his time not breeding more master race pureblood babies for the community's future. (Not remotely surprised Leonardo does not like them at this juncture lmao)

While MC was well aware she'd face some level of disdain, she admits that it still hurts to hear--and doesn't want Comte to see her upset. So she walks out to a nearby balcony to look at the stars and cool off before returning to his side.

Comte: “MC.”

MC: “Eh…? Comte, when did you get here?”

Comte: “You hadn’t returned for a while, so I went looking for you.”

MC: “Ah, I’m sorry to worry you. The stars were so lovely I couldn’t help but linger a bit to enjoy the sight of them.”

When I try to hide my gloomy feelings, he stares at me.

Comte: “You seem upset all of a sudden. Did something happen? Did someone…say something to you, by any chance?”

MC: “Ah, I can’t hide from you it seems. I guess I am a little upset.”

Comte: “…”

Comte: “MC, do you regret marrying me?”

MC: “!”

MC: “That’s not the case at all. No matter what finds us in the future, I’ll never regret having married you. I’m glad I met you, Abel–that will never change…”

When I tell him my heartfelt feelings, he gently wraps his arms around me.

Comte: “…Me too, MC.” The voice that murmurs at my ear is filled with such ardor that my heart melts.

Comte: “It might have been too much to ask of you to come here. But no matter how difficult the truth may be, it’s an undeniable fact that I’m a pureblood.”

Comte: “I was so happy that you wanted to know more about me–to know me better–that I was spoiled by your words. And yet, as a result of that indulgence, I hurt you…”

MC: “…No. That’s not it. Abel, I’m not familiar with vampires. But this last year, I was with a pureblood who’s kinder than anyone else I know.”

I have no innate fear or dislike of purebloods–because the person I love more than anyone else in the world is a pureblood vampire.

MC: “That’s why I’m not afraid, or dreading any of this.” It might seem outlandish, but his presence was like magic; it was enough to give me the strength to have courage and find kindness for the people around me.

MC: “No matter who stands in my way in the future, I will do my best to be recognized as your partner someday. Didn't I tell you before? I'm invincible anytime, anywhere, as long as you're there with me!”

Upon hearing her resolve to stay with him, he feels the need to renew his vow to her too--telling her that he'll always love her as well, and that his feelings have only grown since then. One important bit to note in his confession is that he fully admits he had a hard time coming to term with what he was, he's only a little more accepting of being a pureblood because her existence redefines what an eternity means to him. He explains that, while no end of time used to be an upsetting and hollow concept to him, the fact that his long life will be spent cultivating his love for her gives him the strength to face his reality.

They kiss and MC acknowledges that life--no matter how long--always has its ups and downs. Sometimes there will be rough times, like when those Mean Girls women were actively nasty and unfair to her. And sometimes there will be joyous times, like how Comte just repeated his vow to her so sweetly. But more than anything, it's important to live in the present moment as fully as possible, and she deepens her kiss with Comte accordingly.

After what I assume to be an excellent make out, they return to the venue and rejoin the group of vampires. Now then, because it's Comte and Comte refuses to take any shit he reveals his ace in the hand. Premeditated and all cunning expectation, the show begins:

After reaffirming our feelings for the other, we return to the hall. When we wandered around to greet people today, there were also vampires who were kind to me. For those that remain perturbed by my presence, they continue to sneer at me as though I were an eyesore.

[I don’t care. Comte’s by my side…]

Comte: “…That’s right, MC. There was one thing I forgot to mention.”

MC: “Huh?”

Comte: “A short while ago, you said something about doing your best to earn their approval. I wouldn’t even worry about it, you’re perfect just as you are. Everyone here just doesn’t have the slightest inkling as to your charms yet. For those with the ability to see, feel free to show them as many times as you like.”

MC: “Comte…”

At that very moment, a waltz begins to flow into the hall.

Comte: “Oh, is it time to dance already? MC, shall we?” (Oh Is It TiMe To DaNcE aLrEaDy, damn clown)

MC: “Yes.”

In time with the melody, we begin to waltz together. When I'd first arrived to this era, the steps and the dance itself were unfamiliar to me. Now when I dance with Comte it’s nearly effortless–natural as breathing.

[Comte has taken me to so many evening parties at this point. Thanks to his impeccable leading any uncertainty in my step is elegantly disguised.]

Comte: “MC.”

As we danced, he called my name--crooned it softly.

Comte: “…Have you noticed? Everyone is watching us.”

At the sound of this new information, I look around.

[Oh, it’s true–everyone really is looking at us…]

And it’s not like before, tinged with displeasure and contempt. It’s like they can’t look away from us now, dazzled and intrigued.

MC: “Makes sense–you’ve always been a very graceful dancer, Comte, it’s impossible not to find it captivating.”

Comte: “No. Without you as my partner, I can’t enjoy it nearly as much as I do now.”

He grins as he says so, the sentiment reflected in his buoyant step. Beautiful, noble…and above all, lively. Even though I’m always by his side, I remain endlessly captivated by that smile and movement.

Comte: “We are more in tune with each other than every other pair here, don’t you think?”

MC: “Haha, that’s right!”

I think le Comte is lovely no matter who he’s dancing with, but I’m sure I’m the one who gets along with him best–I think so, because his golden eyes reflect no one else but me.

[No matter what anyone says…I won’t give up this position to anyone else.]

When the song is over, and the dance is finished, the hall is filled with the raucous sound of applause and cheering. All these people are looking at us and their eyes are shining.

[I wonder…if maybe our feelings for each other were transmitted more clearly after that dance? The mere thought of it makes me feel ticklish and delighted.]

After their lovely display, the Mean Girls ladies approach MC to apologize as everybody is leaving for the night. MC accepts their apologies and says she wants to find a way to get along with them moving forward, though they're still pretty reluctant (probably only apologized to save face).

Differences in lifestyle and family tradition...I think there are many reasons why they can’t accept me. I don’t think it’s easy to understand the breadth of the gap between us; I’m sure I’ll need more time to be able to bridge those differences.

[I don’t know the way of life or struggle of the pureblood people yet. But…I want to understand.]

Even if we are endlessly different, I don’t want to give up on finding some sort of compromise. Next to me, le Comte smiles silently. For the foreseeable future--as long as it may take--I want to prove that I can make this person happy.

I deadass can't stop laughing at the fact of Comte standing next to MC all :)))))) (y'all he is emitting BOSS M U S I C)

After that, Comte and MC also head into their carriage and head home:

Comte: “MC, thank you.”

Le Comte remarks on the way home in the carriage.

MC: “…? I haven’t done anything worth thanks.”

Comte: “For today, for coming with me. And--up until now and from now on--for being by my side. I wanted to thank you again.”

He leans over from where he sits next to me and entwines our fingers together.

MC: “…Abel?”

Comte: “…Today is not just the day of the party, but our wedding anniversary too, right? From here on out, it’s time for only us two to be together.”

This is essentially where the premium story ends, and then it moves into the epilogue. I'll give some tidbits from the epilogue, just because it was so endlessly gratifying. Other than them having the smash of the century, it's mostly Comte going overstimulation feral service top. But there are so many really romantic moments during the shameless fking ;-;

The more he kisses me, the more my need for him spirals out of control. As if to entice him I twist my tongue with his deeper and deeper.

Comte: “MC…”

He exhales my name on a single heated syllable, and I can tell by the way he’s looking at me precisely what it is he wants.

Comte: “MC, what do you want to do…? I want to make you happy tonight. Do you want me to be kind? Or take you with reckless abandon?”

MC: “Abel…please do as you like. That’s what would make me happiest. :>”

Comte: “…I see. So you want to be made a mess of, is what you mean.”

MC: “Mn, aah–”

When his hands trace my sides seductively, my sensitive body reacts on it’s own.

Comte: “…You’re really cute, MC. Tonight, I’ll remind you the joy of being mine again.”

---

Comte: “Always so sensitive. Just the slightest touch, and you cry out with such a sweet voice…”

MC: “Well, it is your fault…”

[Because if Abel touches me like that…He spoils me and leaves me in an endless sea of pleasure, building up to that crest–fading–and building up again…because he loves me so dearly.]

Comte: “My fault, is it?…I like the sound of that.”

With a bewitching smile, he makes short work of his tie and button down. Even the most casual gestures like this are done with such grace that it becomes sensual. I’m drawn to the sight of him revealing more and more of his skin, thinking he’s far too much of a tease.

Comte: “…If you look at me with such desirous, greedy eyes, I’m going to lose control myself, MC.”

----

MC: “I…all I do is take from you…” I’m embarrassed because I’m so inexperienced that all I do is drown in the pleasure he gives me.

Comte: “…If you really think so, then you’re too unaware.”

MC: “Mn–ah, hah…”

Comte: “I’m the one who can’t stop wanting you…MC.”

When he leans over to murmur in my ear, his voice is suffused with desire–breathing shallow. From the gap between his lips, I can see the fangs which have never broken my skin…

MC: “Abel…do you want to bite me?”

If the answer is yes, then I’d be delighted. A vampire’s hunger for blood is often tied to romantic feeling. If he wants to suck my blood, then that’s all the more evidence that he loves me.

Comte: “That’s right. I want to sink my fangs into your soft skin…To taste your blood, to know your body and soul--I want to make every part of you mine.”

MC: “Mn…”

He drops a kiss to my throat, tickled by his tongue as he licks there–as if to taste me.

Comte: “But…”

Only I am reflected in his eyes.

Comte: “The only thing I want more than biting you is to take good care of you. I don’t want to impulsively take anything from you.”

MC: “Abel…”

....

Comte: “Someday…I will make you into a vampire. But, right now, I want you to stay exactly as you are.”

The heat of him coupled by that serious look...my heart is swept away.

Comte: “So…can you bear with my hesitation for just a little while longer?”

MC: “Yes…forever. I’ll always be yours.” I replied, wrapping my arms around his back. He squinted, as if he were staring at something dazzling.

Comte: “I’m always hesitating, but…MC. I will absolutely never let you go. I swear my love to you forever, my dear wife.”

----

The last part of the epilogue is confusing because I'm not sure if it's intended to be an actual dream or Comte just messing with her, but here goes:

[Morning already…?]

At the sensation of sunlight, I open my eyes.

MC: “Eh!?”

Comte: “Are you up, MC? The defenseless face you make when you’re asleep is adorable, but when you open your eyes and look at me that’s also lovely.”

He was lying in bed, unlike last night, wearing the same outfit he had on for our wedding.

[Ah, I’m most likely dreaming.] When I realize it, I get a ticklish feeling in my chest and can’t help the smile that finds my face.

MC: “Haha…”

Comte: “MC? What’s wrong?”

MC: “No, I was just thinking you really will always be by my side. I’m glad to see you in my dreams like this…I’m happy.”

Comte: “…Haha, that’s right. I’m happy too. But…it’s not always a dream right?”

MC: “Er…”

His voice easily makes my heart flutter, like sweet sake.

Comte: “Would you like to see if it’s a dream? …Once again, with your body.”

My heart thunders under his sultry gaze, covetous gold eyes beckoning me closer. (COME HITHER FUCK)

MC: “Yes, Abel. As many times as you like…take me.”

I know dream-like, impossibly happy days will continue as long as I stay by his side–

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is so much going on here that I don't even know how to encompass all my feelings other than to say MARRIED COUPLE G O A L S. AAAAAAAAA I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE'S SUCH A DOTING HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUT A RING ON ME S I R

I really love the endless reciprocity coming from MC, lmao. She very openly wants to respond to his efforts, wants to make him happy too, is just as desirous in their coupling. I also love how much personality and spunk she has??? I was fucking d y i n g when she was like:

MC: "Aren't the stars so nice." Comte: "Adorable that you'd try to out-fake the king faker. What really happened." MC: "Damn it."

It's been a long time since I've gotten this much serotonin from a story m a nnnnnn

[bbugyu]

if you wanted to go to the moon, he would take you there.

plot twist | crash zoom | happy ending

16.1k (lol) | joshua x afab enby!reader, fluff, humor, suggestive, reader is ace lol, youtuber au, chef au, swearing, drinking, detailed descriptions of meals, mentions of past trauma including sexual assault, i swear it's not that deep, lots of implied sex but none on screen (yet), watching movies and playing video games, yes i am trying to set up all my friends, would anyone get it if i said r&r

welcome to part two of classic!! please enjoy this tooth rotting relationship garbo in which i basically announce to the world that i have a disgusting crush on joshua. posting this later than intended but i started working five tens so i'm 😅 a little tired lol. but joshua makes it ok <3

when you mentioned offhandedly that you had never had bibimbap in jeonju, joshua practically dropped the groceries he was helping you bring up the elevator.

"how long have you been in korea?" he asked.

you looked at him, wide eyed. "four years?"

he squinted at you, jutting his jaw out. "and you've never gone to jeonju? it's, like, the food hub of korea. how the hell?"

"i…" you laughed, exiting the elevator when the doors opened. "i don't know? it's never been top priority, i guess?"

"okay, well it is now," he stated plainly, following you to your door while you adjusted your bags in your hands to punch in the code. as soon as the groceries were safely on your counter, he pulled out his phone. "friday to sunday?"

you looked up from the vegetables in your hands. "what?"

he looked at you. "we're going. this weekend? i need to reserve the ktx tickets."

you laughed. "this weekend? joshua, it's wednesday."

"okay, next weekend?"

you stared at him a second, purely because you were in disbelief. "no, i have a demonstration next saturday."

he exhaled, looking at the calendar on his phone. "okay, and jamie's birthday party is the weekend after, so," he paused, looking at you through his lashes. "this weekend?"

you pushed your hands onto the counter and sighed heavily. "when would we leave?"

he grinned, knowing that meant he had won you over. "after i get off work? i can be here by 3:30."

"how long is the train?"

"uhh," he quickly searched for the tickets. "two hours. less than. we can buy snacks for the ride and have dinner when we get there."

you chewed your lip. "i have to edit on sunday, so we can't stay all day."

he nodded, inspecting the time table for tickets. "stay two nights, leave after breakfast?"

you considered that for a second. "i could bring my laptop and export footage on the train."

a smile crept across his face when you puffed out your cheeks in thought. "is that a yes?"

your cheeks deflated as you exhaled. "fine."

"yeah?" joshua grinned at you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and tugging you into his chest. "jeonju this weekend?"

you exhaled again, your arms reluctantly winding around his torso. "yeah. jeonju this weekend."

"you're gonna love it," he said, pressing his lips against your temple. "i helped on an article about hole in the wall finds there years ago, so i know all the good spots."

you giggled, pulling away to look at him with a quirked eyebrow. "you used to write for the magazine?"

he shook his head at you. "when i was interning."

"aw," you poked at his cheek. "intern joshie?"

he rolled his eyes, separating himself from you as you giggled, and he looked at you slyly from the corner of his eye. "joshie?"

you grinned, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. "joshie!"

he laughed and batted away your hands. "joshie?"

you: i think i'm finally packed

joshie: i don't understand why it was so difficult when we're going for Two Days.

you: 😡

joshie: 😘

as promised, he arrived at your apartment in a cab and stubbornly took your roller suitcase despite your insistence that you could handle it. joshua was always doing things like this - for you, you imagined, he would probably even lay down his jacket in a puddle so you wouldn't have to walk through it. but at the same time, he wouldn't fault you for kicking his jacket aside and purposefully jumping in it instead. he would probably join you, even.

he had joked with you that this would be like a work trip for you, but only because he was the one that suggested you film - plus, he reminded you, filming a full video this weekend meant that you didn't have to film next week. and to be perfectly frank, you wanted the break. if you could have a weekend getaway with joshua and then a week long break to have a normal routine without a camera, it was a win-win.

equipped with coffee and cafe sandwiches, you casually kicked your feet and happily sipped at your americano as you edited a picture of it for your instagram story. joshua sat beside you, also doing something on his phone, and you watched him with no intention as he pulled his airpods out of his coat jacket and offered one to you. you looked at him, smiling when he gestured with the open case again.

"i made a playlist," he said quietly as you put the airpod into your ear. he took the one you left and did the same, tapping on his phone.

the thought of joshua hearing a song and thinking of you making your chest flutter to life, the heat rising through you until you were left in a comfortable glow, smiling softly at him as a melody started in your ear. he looked back at you, double taking slightly when he realized you were looking at him.

"what's that look for?" he asked, a sideways grin breaking his face in half.

you shook your head, unable to change your face. "that's, just... really nice."

"making a playlist?" he hummed, settling back in his seat as you stuck your straw between your lips. "i didn't consciously do it. i just started a list of songs to show you because i thought you would like them, and this ended up being a good time to share it."

you sighed dramatically, falling back against the window of the train. "that's even nicer, you dickhead!" he laughed, shushing you and looking around, worried someone might have understood your slightly-above-inside-voice exclamation. "i know for a fact i didn't do anything to deserve the sweetest, handsomest, loveliest boyfriend on the planet, so what's the catch, mr. hong?"

his eyes went to the ceiling as he thought, kneading his lips once before saying, "i think you forgot funniest, too."

"ah," you said, a dry chuckle following the realization. "that's the catch."

"hey!" he laughed, eyes big as he pretended to be offended. "i know i'm funny!"

you giggled with him, mentally noting that you liked the song that he was playing. that he must have somehow picked up on why you liked the music you did. you thought about how you had the same thought, sometimes, when you were listening to music alone in your room and a song popped up on your discovery that sounded like something he would listen to. how you would immediately text them to him, knowing you would forget if you didn't send it right away, and he would react with some assortment of positive emojis. how he must have been doing the same thing, but wanted to be there when you heard them, and didn't have the same flighty memory as you. you brought your straw to your lips again, staring after him as he adjusted something in his bag, taking too long to refocus your attention to story you had been trying to post.

he later nudged you, getting your attention as you responded to an email on your phone, gesturing his finger with the melody, and you gave him a childlike look of awe, as if to tell him that yes, you agreed, this was exactly the kind of run you really enjoyed. he pounded a fist against his knee at the beats, pointing up at the key change, and you exploded into a stifled laugh, your palm covering your mouth. he laughed with you before he showed you the now playing page on his phone, holding it open dutifully as you quickly searched for it to add to your own library.

as promised, joshua provided great insight for the food tour the two of you set out on. travel day, he had told you, meant that you would have something easy - bibimbap and makgeolli at two of the best places he knew, apparently. by the time you made it back to the hotel room you had checked into before headed to the bar, you just about collapsed onto the queen bed.

"i'm so full," you exhaled, eyes dancing across the ceiling. "i'm never gonna move again."

joshua just laughed at you, toeing both of your shoes aside at the door before shuffling into slippers. "we have a full day of eating tomorrow, so you better move."

you let our a breathy laugh, rolling your head to watch as he flopped onto the bed beside you. "i'm glad you also plan trips around the meals."

he gave you a puzzled look. "is there another way to plan a trip?"

you rolled onto your side, tucking your arm under your head to look at him. "some people like sightseeing. or activities."

his brows were still ruffled in confusion as he looked away from you. "i like looking at food. and the activity of eating food."

you giggled, and his face finally broke to reveal the bewilderment had been a bit all along, his smiling laugh meeting yours.

you walked a lot the next day, and you were grateful for the light exercise to help your digestion a bit between meals. the local famous kalguksu for breakfast, a visit to a cafe for coffee before walking down a historical street together. you filmed with a smile on your face, shaking your americano for camera with a colorful background, just for you to pull down the drink and let the beautiful buildings and trees take the focus.

joshua could watch you forever, he was pretty sure. watching you conceptualise what you wanted this out of the ordinary video to look like, seeing the way you managed to be present with him, joking and giggling on your scenic walk, but squeezed his hand in warning before letting go, telling him quietly you wanted to get a shot. he had seen the way you filmed food, and how you filmed your kitchen, which was incredible in its own right, but this was the first time he got to see your process on the fly. when you went to work, as it were, taking in your scenery and deciding the way you wanted to portray it - more thought went into this than filming at the same barbeque restaurant for the fifth time, but joshua saw the similarities in the way your eyes twinkled when you saw something through your camera lens for the first time, even if only the first time that day. the way you would review the footage quickly, smiling at the way it turned out, but announcing that you were taking a second shot for safety.

then, he took you to another restaurant.

you barely noticed the passage of time, but when he conveniently "happened" upon the next stop on your food tour, you were pretty sure your stomach growled at the thought of eating an insane amount of dumplings, and you smiled at him in a way that made him want to cause it constantly.

if having your pick at dumplings was enough to make you giddy like a child, the night market was life altering. the food stalls were set up like they always were friday and saturday nights, joshua told you, and that meant you got to experience korean street food in a way you hadn't yet. you found the best pad thai you had ever eaten, succumbed to the tempting smell of grilled squid when passing a busy stall, and you even got served alcohol practically in passing, the specialty liquor being offered in a way that was hard for either of you to say no to. after a few too many, you had to stop joshua before he dragged you to a choco pie stall.

"we should eat more first," you said, gesturing to a woman making hashbrowns on a griddle. "while we have free hands. loop back around for dessert and buy some for the road."

joshua tapped his nose, then wagged his finger at you. "smart and hot."

you laughed, pulling him towards the hashbrown stall.

that night, you laid in bed beside each other, talking like you hadn't just spent literally the entire day together. recalling highlights of the day, sharing related anecdotes with assorted friends and family. you didn't even want to sleep - your body did, sure, clearly, by the way it kept interrupting your conversation with yawns. joshua would laugh, then yawn in response, and tell you that you should sleep. you would shake your head, a pout on your lips, and he would just smile and keep talking about whatever the yawn had interrupted.

being in bed with joshua wasn't demanding, nor was it uncomfortable, and you were pretty sure that meant something good.

you were making curry. he had mentioned that it looked good while you were watching some show the week prior and you couldn't get it out of your head. so, even though it was midsummer and far too warm for something as hearty as japanese curry, you decided you needed to make it anyway, if only for your own peace of mind. you invited joshua over to cook dinner for him, and he asked where your camera was when he arrived with your requested potatoes (you had some, except they were older than you thought and started sprouting), but you told him you weren't filming tonight.

"this ones for us," you said matter of factly, giggling when he looked shocked. "i don't film every meal, y'know. sometimes i cook things just for me."

he watched you dump the potatoes into the sink to wash. "what if it ends up being really pretty?"

"josh," you said, looking at him. "i don't make things that aren't pretty."

he asked if you needed help with anything, but you just shook your head and told him to relax. that you had made this a million times, and that you could do it with your eyes closed. he asked again if you were sure, and you laughed, scrubbing potatoes and using your shoulder to get your hair out of your face.

"actually," you said, raising the wrist on which you kept a hair tie. "do you know how? my hands are wet."

joshua smiled and nodded, coming over and pulling the tie off your wrist, careful to not get it too wet on your hand. "how high?"

"ariana," you said, making him laugh as you giggled. "as high as you can manage, but i don't really care."

he just smiled, taking your hair in his hands as you washed the potatoes one by one, and you tried to ignore the way you heart skipped a beat when you felt his touch drift across the back of your neck. he gently gathered it all in one palm at the crown of your skull, brushing through it with his fingers. "here?"

"perfect," you said, chewing your cheek and smiling. he pulled the band over your hair, tying it off tightly and pulled at the hair gently to keep it in place.

his hands glided over your waist, leading his arms to wrap around you as his chin landed on your shoulder. "not too tight?"

you shook your head, smiling. "you're multi talented."

"i have a sister," he reminded you, then put a kiss on your cheek.

you managed to convince him to sit at the counter, and he smiled and laughed with you as you conversed about anything that came to mind. he talked about his latest work antics, and you told him about a café you found the day before that you really enjoyed. he watched you skillfully chop vegetables and prepare chicken, flitting around your kitchen with a familiarity that could only be fostered by time. he glanced at the time on his phone, then looked at the door behind him that led to a bedroom.

"is karol here?" he asked. she normally would have emerged to say hi by now.

you looked at him before going back to pan frying the chicken. "no, she's in busan this weekend with some friends. she'll be back sunday night."

an alarm went off in joshua's head, and he tried not to think too deeply about the fact that you had invited him over while your roommate was away. sex hadn't even been a discussion on the table yet, but not because joshua didn't want it - because, frankly, he wanted it - he was just more concerned about you and your wants. for most things, he felt as though he had learned your thoughts and opinions naturally over the last few months, but outside of a few passing jokes, you hadn't ever mentioned how you felt about sex in general, much less sex with him.

so he stared at you, suddenly unable to ignore the fact that you were wearing shorts because of the weather, but they were hidden under the hem of the neutral toned apron he saw in your videos every week. or the way you smiled at him as you talked, your eyes glinting with mischief when you made a joke at his expense, but only made him laugh and want you more. he stood and came around the island, standing with his hip against the counter as the two of you continued conversing and you added the roux cubes to the pot.

his eyes never left you or your actions, and you noticed the way he inched towards you as your cooking became less involved and began to wrap up. you didn't argue when he put his arms around you again, watching you stir the curry with his cheek against your ear. he wasn't in your way, not even when you reached over to pull a spoon out of a drawer to give it a taste and make sure the seasonings were right, so you instead just enjoyed his presence.

you hummed, licking your lips briefly as you appraised the flavor. "not bad," you said, using the ladle you had been cooking with to pour more into the spoon you had just used to taste. you blew on it, then displayed it for joshua, who looked at you in his peripherals before accepting the bite.

"oh, wow," he said, making you giggle as you put the spoon aside. "that's better than a restaurant."

"thanks," you said, tapping the ladle on the side of pot to get the excess back in the pot, a spot of sauce landing on the back of your hand. you put it on the spoon rest next to your stovetop and replaced the lid on the pot of curry, quickly turning the burner to low. "now we just wait for the rice to pop," you said, spinning in his grip and licking the spot off the back of your hand.

joshua stared at you, desperately wishing in that moment that he wasn't such a damn man, because it was clear in your eyes that it was a completely innocent action. you got some of the delicious sauce on your hand, so why would you wipe it off when a towel wouldn't appreciate it like your tongue would? you wouldn't, obviously. he wouldn't have, either, if it had been his hand. but here he was, gaze fixed on your mouth as you pulled your hand away from it, and one of your eyebrows raised when you noticed.

"can i help you?" you asked, glancing down at his lips when he involuntarily leaned into you.

"i-" he swallowed. "sorry, i'm just-"

in that moment, you registered what his gaze meant. and while you were fairly oblivious to most things, you were far from innocent, so you put your arms over his shoulders and knit your fingers in his hair. "you're just?" you prompted.

there was a chuckle on his lips as he backed you against the counter, and he shook his head lightly. "i just think it's insane how into you i am."

joshua had this way of kissing you that made you think his life depended on it. he kissed you like you were in the final scene of an apocalyptic movie and he had come to terms with the fact that this was the end. like he knew that if your lips left his, he would magically disappear before he could tell you how much you meant to him. like he could stop time as long as he had you pressed against him with his hand on your jaw, but the sun was setting and he wasn’t ready to say good night.

when he finally pulled away from you, you were trying to catch your breath as his hands ran down your waist, and you stared into his eyes. his lips were parted, and his fingers gripped at your hips in a way that you knew meant he wished there were less layers between your skin.

your mind raced, thinking quickly back to how long the two of you had been seeing each other. how long you had known that you were interested in keeping joshua around for the long term. you wracked your brain, thinking about when people normally took the next step at your age, finding a discrepancy in the timing. you had made him wait for so long, but this was the first time you had noticed him trying to bed you - though, this was hardly subtle, so perhaps you had missed signs earlier? hell, the two of you had even shared a bed at this point, but you were pretty sure he hadn't tried anything then, either. you considered the fact that this relationship had gone for over two months without so much as a hint to take the next logical step, and you decided that joshua was definitely the only guy you had met in years that you would be willing to allow under your covers.

"the curry can sit for," you started, blinking rapidly as your mouth caught up to your mind. you swallowed once. "well, until tomorrow, technically, but-"

joshua's lip quirked upward. "did you invite me over to have me stay the night?"

"not-" you exhaled. his tone was slightly accusatory, but only playfully, and you found yourself more flustered by the question than you would have liked. "not consciously, but…" your eyes studied his face. "do you want to?"

"are you kidding?" he asked, making you breathe out a laugh, his forehead landing on yours. "did you not hear me when i said i was insanely into you?"

the rice cooker beeped, drawing both of your attention as it sang out a small tune to alert you it was finished. you looked at joshua. "are you hungry?"

he looked back at you, a smile sneaking on his lips. "i mean, working up an appetite wouldn't hurt, right?"

he let you lead him to your bedroom, which he had only been in once, briefly, when he had helped you put some lights away. the two of you admittedly spent most of your time in kitchens or restaurants, the remainder of your alone time being split between joshua's car and a couch to watch a movie, but joshua thought your taste suited his as he glanced around again, and that he would happily lose time in bedrooms with you. you kissed him again, and he was quick to pull you against his body, leaning into you, making you giggle as you bent backwards at the hips. "josh."

"what?" he asked, giving you a half lidded smile as his hand found your jaw, pulling you back into him. "stop leaning back and i'll stop chasing you."

"i'm-" you giggled into the kiss he interrupted you with. "i'm not leaning back, you're pushing me."

joshua made you feel like you were out of your depth, but in a way that was more exciting than scary. it had been ages since someone had been able to surprise you, or had helped you surprise yourself, but today he was doing both. the last time you had let a man into your heart, it had been less than perfect, especially towards the end, but joshua felt like home. cozy. he made you feel safe. like he wouldn't let you fall backwards unless your mattress was waiting for you.

and when you fell, he crawled over you, connecting your lips again with a hand against your jaw, the other holding himself above you, and you tried to restrain a whine.

"josh," you said suddenly, pushing on his chest lightly, processing fully what was about to happen and a shot of anxiety running through your chest. "c-can i tell you something first?"

joshua paused his motions, studying your eyes, his expression skewing scared. "oh, shit, are you a virgin?"

"what?" your eyebrows creased, a laugh on your lips. "no, what the fuck, josh? i'm in my mid-twenties."

he blinked at you. "there would be nothing wrong with you if you were a virgin in your mid-twenties."

"i'm not a virgin, joshua."

"right," he shook his head slightly. "sorry, i don't know. what were you saying?"

you chewed at your cheek nervously. "i just. i haven't… been with a guy in a really long time."

his eyes examined your face, looking for a hint at what you meant, because if it was only what you were saying, he didn't understand why you were so worried. "okay?"

"like, really long," you reiterated.

"baby, i promise," he said, forehead against yours. "i promise you, i don't care."

you exhaled sharply, wishing you could just enjoy things normal people did. that you knew what people wanted out of these encounters innately, instead of having to overthink them. "like, i don't want to… i don't know. disappoint you."

"disappoint me?" his head bobbed backwards in shock. "how the hell could i ever be disappointed when you're you?"

your eyes shut, grateful that he could still make you smile when you felt so out of your league. "i just mean that i-" you paused, trying to figure out how much you were willing to say, and how much you could without ruining whatever mood had been fostered here. "i just don't really do this. like, i feel like i don't know how."

"baby," he said, pressing his lips to yours briefly. "honey, sweetie, darling," he continued, punctuating each name with quick pecks. "you could starfish and i would have the time of my life."

you laughed, a hand landing on his shoulder sharply as he smiled at you. "okay, i'm not that bad, jesus."

"i'm telling you," he assured. "i don't care. i don't care if it's been months or years or forever, i don't care." he paused, appraising your expression. "we don't have to do anything. i'd be happy to just kiss you for an hour and a half if you're not ready."

"no," you whined, crinkling your nose. "it's not that, i just…" you took a breath. "i might just need you to take it a little slow."

"well, baby, you're in luck," he said, giving you a teasing smirk as his lips closed in on yours again. "slow and steady is exactly how i want you."

karol had said you hated men. she hadn't been wrong. you hated a lot of men, and how they made you feel like a prisoner in your own body. you hated the men you had encountered in your past, who made you feel small and weak. ugly and only wanted for one purpose, disrespecting your boundaries, your presentation, and your being. you hated those men, and nothing would ever redeem them for you.

joshua was different, though. he wasn't like them, because even though you didn't say explicitly why you needed a little extra care, he was more than prepared to give it to you. without even needing specific direction, he paid special attention to your reactions. to your body. he waited until you were ready, and asking him for more. and even when he sheepishly admitted that he'd started carrying a condom in his wallet the month prior, you could only giggle and silently be overwhelmingly thankful that he was truly nothing like any man you had ever been with before.

you swore you had made the same recipe you always did, but your curry tasted sweeter than you remembered. maybe it was just that you were eating it in your underwear with a man that made you feel comfortable in your skin for the first time in forever, a home improvement show remaining unwatched on your tv as the two of you joked together.

joshua woke the next morning in your empty bed, and was only confused for a second as he looked around your white walls. he stretched once, then sat up, eyes meandering over your orange patterned rug (one he remembered describing as "groovy" when he had first seen it, which had made you laugh in that way he adored), then noticed your laptop had been turned on. it was saturday, he realized, and you were likely going to edit today so you wouldn't have to tomorrow. he decidedly did not peek, though he wanted to, and peeked out your bedroom door instead.

you were easy to find, standing in your kitchen with an oversized shirt on and your hair pulled out of your face as you formed rice balls. you looked up from your work, smiling when you saw him, placing the triangle of rice you had just made on the cutting board. "good morning!"

it was, he thought. it was a really good morning.

you teased him for hugging you in your kitchen while he was only wearing underwear, saying that he seemed to have made himself comfortable quickly. he just playfully ran his hands under your shirt, saying, well, what about you, then? making breakfast with no pants on?

"i live here," you said, giggling and using your hip to bump him away. "i pay rent. what do you do?"

his eyes darted away from yours as he thought. "sit still, look pretty?"

that made you laugh. "you are very pretty."

he grinned, taking the opportunity to pull you into his chest again. "you, too."

he looked at what you had made, noticing the pot on the stove for the first time.

"soybean paste soup," you said, reacting to his gaze, then pointed at the neat triangles of brown tinted rice in front of you. "mushroom riceballs, and i'm making tamagoyaki next."

joshua blinked at you after processing everything. "do you do this every morning?"

"not every morning," you giggled. "but i wanted to today."

weeks later, you were biting your pinky nail to oblivion as you scrolled through comments on the video you had posted earlier that morning. you were sitting on the couch in joshua's living room, your laptop perched on the arm and your boyfriend fixing something to eat before the two of you sat to watch a movie. you had made a risky move in your video - one you thought would have been fine, but clearly people read more into it than you expected. joshua came over for dinner earlier in the week, when you had made pasta with all the delicious fresh seafood the two of you had found at a market the day before, accompanied by a simple salad and white wine. karol was working late, so you had set some aside for her, but that meant it was just you and joshua in frame when you filmed your usual table setting shot.

people were speculating.

you knew it was inevitable, and a few comments had pointed out the man that had eaten sushi with you in the vlog that included your first date, but at this point, the comments were flooded with questions and hypotheses on who the mystery man could be. most assumed boyfriend - which, while true, made you feel slightly annoyed - and a few wondered if he was your brother, or close friend, but they all noticed that his hands and voice had become regular guest stars on your channel. that, while you still got meals with krys and karol, this nameless, faceless man sat opposite you more often than anyone else.

the jeonju vlog is what sparked the most comments. people suspected some amount of intimacy when they realized this guy was travelling with you, too, and you probably would have thought the same if it had been someone you watched regularly. you had been careful with the editing, only including clips with food and the scenery shots that didn't star him (while you had filmed a lot that did, those were just for your own personal record), but you supposed it was in peoples' nature to try and find a romantic plotline in your slice of life.

"josh?" you said suddenly, pulling your pinky from between your teeth. you heard his vague noise of acknowledgment and spun around on the couch to watch as he cocked his head at you from the kitchen. "should we go public?"

"uh," he paused, looking at the scallion pancake he was cooking, quickly grabbing the panhandle to flip it. "give me, like, two minutes and we can discuss? i'm almost done in here."

you puffed your cheeks out and nodded, turning back towards your computer. "okay, baby."

when joshua came into the living room, the spread he had quickly put together across a tray you had bought for him (because you wanted it, mostly, but karol would kill you if you brought more home), he put it on the coffee table and sat next to you, quickly addressing the subject again.

"people keep," you paused. his eyebrows raised, prompting you, but he only chewed on his bottom lip to let you take your time as you hugged your knees to your chest. "people keep assuming you're my boyfriend anyways, so i'm just thinking-" you exhaled sharply. "should we just say fuck it? just confirm that we're a couple?"

joshua studied you. "you've always been pretty private."

you chewed your cheek, putting your lips against your knees. "that's on purpose."

"you don't have to say anything you don't want to," he reminded you, rubbing a hand against your back. you put your chin on your knees and gave him your biggest doe eyes, making him smile. "they can speculate all they want, but you don't owe them an explanation."

you nodded lightly as you hugged your legs and looked around, briefly studying the tray joshua had brought over. he had quickly stirfried some vegetables, grilled the frozen pork belly slices he always kept on hand, and even cooked your favorite premade scallion pancakes, the spread complete with several side dishes you had made together earlier in the week and two bowls of rice. your brows knit together, fingers itching to film how neatly he had put together a light meal for the two of you because you had said you wanted to show him your favorite movie without interruption, and he knew you would be hungry soon.

"would you-" you cleared your throat, looking up from the food and finding his eyes. "what do you think i should do?"

he let out a breathy laugh. "does it matter? you'll do what you want anyways."

you whined, pushing his shoulder as your feet dropped from the couch. "i'm serious, your opinion matters here. would you be okay with being public?"

"you're joking, right?" he laughed, adjusting his posture, and grabbing your hand to folding it between his. "baby, you know i care about you, right?"

your lips pursed as you nodded, looking between his eyes shyly.

"and you know i would never try to say that i, like, own you, right? like, i don't claim ownership over you as a person."

you let out a short laugh. "right."

he held your hand tighter. "i want to tell every viewer of every single one of your videos that you are mine."

your cheek puffed out as you smiled. "really?"

"especially the reply guys, oh my gosh," he rolled his eyes, making you laugh. "there's a place i think you'd like! i could take you, smiley face. yeah, get lost, creep. move along."

your palm landed on your cheek as you laughed. "shut up, are you serious?"

"you don't see those?" his eyes wide when you shook your head. "baby, there's so many people trying to take you out in the comments. so many."

you giggled, pressing your lips together. "well, there's only one guy that gets to."

"that's right," joshua said, a proud look on his face. "the ultimate reply guy fanboy."

you pushed his chest, laughing again. "shut up."

you decided an faq would do, but in the style of your regular videos. you definitely didn't want to just sit down in front of your camera and talk through questions and answers - that wasn't your style, and would feel wrong uploading. so instead, you spent a few hours compiling questions you had been asked often and organized them in a way that made sense, planning on showing your daily life. questions like what camera you used, what your go-to quick breakfast is, where you bought the clothes you liked - it was easy to plan them out to create a vague storyline of your standard day. you woke up on a wednesday (a day you went to the studio, because many of your questions were about what goes on there), excited to film but slightly nervous. as you set up your camera for breakfast, your phone buzzed on the counter.

joshie: good morning, baby! you got this! can't wait to see you tonight 🥰

you: 🥺🥺🥺 thank you!

the day went well, filming your planned clips on the subway and at the studio, and when your coworker asked what all the questions you were filming for were, you sighed.

"normal stuff," you said quickly, taking off your apron after several hours of cooking and shooting. "favorite recipes, what equipment i use… y'know."

yunhyeong nodded at you, his eyes squinting slightly. "is that all?"

he knew you. he knew how you reacted when you were nervous. how you could practically hide it from anyone, but that certain subjects would always make your eyes look slightly panicked and your speech speed up. the worst part is that you knew he knew, and your facade was almost immediately broken.

"and if i have a boyfriend."

he stared at you for a second before he laughed in disbelief. it took him over a week of bugging you about the guy in your videos before you admitted you were seeing someone, and even then, you only did because joshua had started picking you up from the studio and - against your wishes - introduced himself to your coworkers. yunhyeong thought about how protective you were of your privacy, and how you had never revealed something as personal as a relationship online before - partly because none of the people you had gone on two or three dates with had been serious enough to reveal, but he mostly thought about how you barely even showed your own face. that you stayed mostly silent when you filmed, and if you had to speak, it was a voice that was only adjacent to your usual cadence, as if you were trying to create another barrier between you and your online persona. how you had mourned your grandfather's passing and uploaded your vlog like normal two days later, but called out of work for the week following.

"and you're telling the truth?"

you exhaled, wiping down the stove top now that it had cooled. "yeah, shua and i discussed it. people are speculating, anyways, and it's not like he's going anywhere any time soon."

yunhyeong nodded again, organizing the spices as he put them away. "i'm happy for you."

you looked at him. "what do you mean?"

"it's a big step," he said, purposefully keeping his eyes from you so you didn't get self conscious. "you haven't been this serious about someone the entire time i've known you. i think it's really great that you found someone you care about."

you watched him spin bottles to be label out as you considered his words. "thanks."

he peeked at you, smiling. "of course."

yunhyeong's words rattled in your mind as you walked to the restaurant joshua had agreed to meet you at, filming your feet as you went with the intention of answering a few random questions with on-screen text in the edit. someone you care about.

you thought about how joshua had said the same thing about you when you had asked if going public was something he would be comfortable with. the way it has made your heart flutter. you wondered, briefly, if perhaps this was something more than just caring.

when you were editing the video that saturday, you procrastinated on the last question as long as you could, and when it was the only thing left to do, you escaped to the kitchen to make lunch in favor of finishing the part that was haunting you. your bagel sandwich was delicious, but you could barely enjoy it, mind clouded by the task that made your anxiety peak for seemingly no good reason.

it took you too long to finish it.

when you showed it to joshua, wanting his blessing before you uploaded, he couldn't hide his giddy reaction.

"it's okay?" you confirmed, studying his face.

he nodded at you, lips pushed together into a lopsided smile. "it's really cute."

"cute?" you asked, clicking through the video. "that's good, right?"

"yes," he laughed, squeezing your shoulder to put a kiss on your head. "it's great. post it."

so you did. and while you had gotten a tiny bump when krys excitedly dragged the two of you onto her stream that afternoon, you had no way of predicting the way the rest of the internet picked it up a few weeks later.

"r/relationshipgoals," jeonghan read off his phone, leaning against your kitchen island along with several of your friends that had come over when they saw the two of you on their newsfeeds unprompted. "'cross post from r/cutecouples, the most heartwarming boyfriend reveal you'll see this year.'"

"twitter, too," karol announced looking up from her own phone, seated in a barstool beside him. "you're a twitter moment. people found the clip from krys' stream, even."

you were on the counter opposite them, kicking your feet nervously to the beat in your head as you chewed your lip. you sighed and covered your face. "how long is this gonna last?"

"a while, hopefully," krys said, turning your laptop screen towards you. "your subcounts are insane right now."

you whined into your hands, making joshua appear at your side to put a hand on your spine. you took a breath at the touch, relaxing your tensed thighs on the counter. "it's okay to be nervous," he muttered at you. "but it's also kinda exciting, right?"

you exhaled deeply, letting your hands fall and your eyes trail to his before a smile broke on your face. "kinda."

so after you calmed yourself down, you managed to go through some of the posts about you, and you surprised yourself by letting them put a smile on your face. even the idea of having a public relationship had scared you shitless less than a month prior, but this… this wasn't so bad. seeing twitter repost the same video of you filming your feet as you walked into a restaurant, panning the camera up to reveal joshua sitting at a table and waving excitedly at you. the cuts you made to show clips that had landed on the cutting room floor of past videos - the footage you had taken of him pointing out the new wok you had started using a few weeks prior in a kitchen specialty store, and the goofy face he revealed after holding it in front of himself as he brought it back to you. the video of joshua grasping your hand, panning up to his playfully serious face as he dragged you down a boardwalk in jeonju, gesturing to the sunset. the unedited audio from your first date, when you had said something about it looking really good, and he had said something along the lines of how it would have been a waste if you hadn't recorded, and the two of you giggled together in a way that nervous new couples did. short bits of you swinging your camera around to reveal a laughing joshua as you tried to film quiet shots. a clip of him wearing a triangular menu on his head like a hat, acting as though it was completely normal.

you had a hard time believing anything you ever did would be viral-worthy, but even you had to admit, this was a pretty understandable thing for you to go viral for.

besides, it felt like it made sense for this to be the one thing about your personal life that ended up getting attention. it felt like he was an innate part of you at this point, and that you wouldn't be honest if you hid him.

it was august when he broke your heart.

"how could you?" you asked him, staring in disbelief. "you haven't seen lord of the rings?"

"okay, i lied," joshua said, still washing the dishes. "i saw them when i was a kid, but i don't remember them really."

"well, we're fixing that."

he looked at where you were sitting on his kitchen island - a well known habit of yours at this point. "today?"

"not today," you said, poking your toe at his hip. "this weekend, maybe? if we start now, we'll be watching til you go to work tomorrow morning."

he shut off the faucet and gingerly placed the pan he had just washed on the drying rack. "how many movies is it? i thought it was just three."

"it is," you said, laughing at his shocked look. "the extended editions are around four hours each."

joshua exhaled, leaning against the counter as he used a cloth to dry his hands. "you're lucky i like wasting hours with you."

you grinned, hopping down from your seat. "you're lucky i let you."

and that weekend, the two of you did just that - waste time, ordering delivery food for two meals as you camped out on the couch in various positions as the two of you got comfortable repeatedly. you couldn't help but recite specific lines, mouthing along with every word gandalf said like you had thought of the words yourself. you pointed out behind the scenes facts along the way, even, excitedly saying viggo broke two toes when he kicked that helmet, or how faramir's flames were a mirror trick. joshua watched you, because while he knew it was your favorite movie and he really should pay attention, he couldn't help but get distracted by his own favorite movie, and it starred you getting excited about something you loved.

you slept later than joshua that sunday, and when you emerged from the bedroom, you spotted krys sitting at the island with a plate of waffles in front of her, then found joshua leaned against the counter with a cup of coffee. he smiled when he saw you.

"i made breakfast," he said, gesturing to the counter.

you looked around at the spread as you walked over to him. waffles, fruit, bacon, and the promise of a fried egg upon request - a spread worthy of your own brunching standards. "what about second breakfast?" you asked quietly, in accented english.

joshua laughed, his arm wrapping around your midsection as you came over to kiss him good morning. "elevensies?" he shot back, in the same vague accent.

you broke your serious face to giggle. "luncheon?"

"alright," krys said, voice raised in annoyance when the two of you looked over at her. "i get it, y'all are in love or whatever, but can you have some respect for those of us who are lonely?"

you rolled your eyes, laughing at the fact that she had absolutely brought this upon herself by forcing the two of you together every chance she got, but joshua went cold when he heard her say the thing he had been thinking for a while, but was too scared to say out loud. the thing he felt when you grabbed his arm and told him that if he wouldn't let you carry the ring, then you could at least carry him with all the same dramatics as one samwise gamgee did. when you cried as frodo and bilbo sailed into the sunset for good, even though you had seen it a million times over. the sneaking thought that he was in love with you, but didn't know how to say so. he swallowed down the thought, shaking his head when you raised a questioning brow at him as you dished up a plate of waffles and fruit.

it didn't take you long to trust joshua enough to give him your door code so he could let himself in, but it took him a while to actually use it. he said something about not wanting to intrude, but you told him it was more intrusive to make you come to the door when you could possibly be doing important things and he was completely capable of getting in on his own.

"babe?"

you hissed. you had the thought right before you started this boss battle, that he would arrive before you finished and you would be trapped at your computer. you were right. "in here! gimme like two minutes!"

you heard him enter your room, and his bubbly laugh when he spotted your back at your desk desperately clicking your mouse and striking your keyboard. "wow, is this what you meant by important things?"

"please, please, please," you whined, intermittently squealing as you reacted to the enemy attacks. "i'll get off in a second i just need one more cleansing heart to ascend xin- fuck! not the stupid birds!"

he laughed again, his hand finding the back of your shoulder, thumbs pressing into the constantly sore flesh. you winced as he kneaded his fingers into your shoulder but exhaled, making him laugh lightly when you got knocked over by a boar. "hey, there's a boar there."

"yes, thank you, joshua." you quickly cracked a knuckle as soon as you had down time, sticking your neck out as he continued to massage your shoulders. "i think i have two more waves."

"waves? because it's a water level?"

you groaned into a reluctant laugh. "no shitty jokes right now, i'm trying to focus. normally krys and i co-op this one but she was busy."

he hummed, moving to stand next to you with his hand resting at the base of your neck. "wonder what she was doing."

"don't you live with her?" you teasingly asked, glancing up at him for the first time while sprinting across the platform, your game camera spinning uncontrollably when you suddenly pulled both hands to your mouth and gasped. "what the fuck, joshua?"

he stifled a grin, but it was completely obvious in his eyes as you stared up at him, blonde hair curled lightly to stay out of his face. "what's up?"

you stood from your chair, inspecting his head. "what the fuck?"

he laughed, wrapping his arms around you when you ran your fingers through his bleached locks hesitantly. "do you hate it?"

"i-" you blinked at him repeatedly. "what? no, i don't hate- what the fuck, joshua?"

"what?" he whined, eyebrows tenting at you even though his lips were still smiling. "does it not suit me?"

you held his head and squinted at him. "josh, you're hot. you look hot. but what the fuck?"

he laughed, finally planting his hello kiss on your lips. he watched the gears turn behind your eyes, puckered lips becoming a pout.

"did you go to a salon?"

he grinned. "krys did it."

you made a fist at him, scrunching your face for a second as you exhaled, looking down at the screen right as your last team member died, respawning at a statue. "that's why she used so many smiley faces when she said she was busy."

he put his lips to your cheek, smiling into your skin. "not bad though, right? you got a pretty handsome boyfriend."

and while you would have loved to roll your eyes and tease him, you were overtaken by a giggle as you turned your head towards him again, the tip of his nose gliding across your cheek. "yeah, i do."

his eyebrows went up. "wow, wasn't expecting you to admit it so readily."

you laughed, a light, carefree laugh, your palms on his jaw as you kissed him. "i have eyes, joshua." he just smiled against your lips, lacing his fingers together behind your tailbone, and you pulled away slightly to look up at his hair again. your hands went to his nape, fingertips against his scalp. "how long did it take? you have thick hair."

"we did three sessions," he said. "enjoy it while you can, it might fall out."

you laughed with him, brushing your fingers gently in his bangs again. "it feels fine, though?"

"yeah, i made this incredible discovery that i'm almost positive i'm the first to hear about it. it's called a hair treatment."

you batted at his chest, giggling. "shut up."

"make me," he said, the sweet smile on his lips making the phrase more playful than suggestive.

"i can't believe you surprised me with bleached hair," you said, plopping into your seat and exiting the game. "you know i hate surprises, right?"

"that's too bad," he said, his hand returning to rub against your neck. "i like surprises a lot. get used to them."

you puffed out your cheeks, sighing slowly. "usually people compromise."

"not on this," he stated. "i'm a gift giver."

"yeah, i figured that out when you got flowers sent to the studio on our one month anniversary, then again on our second, then here on our third…"

he was just smiling smugly at you when you stood again, maneuvering around him. "and you love getting them?"

you rolled your eyes, not even commenting when he playfully patted your butt as you went by. "they're always tasteful and it's nice to have some seasonal flowers for the counter."

"so you love them," he repeated. "because it sounds to me like you love them."

you laughed, reaching out to catch his hand in yours and pull him along with you as you exited to the main living area. "and what if i do? so what, joshua hong, if it makes my heart beat a little fast when we suddenly get flowers delivered and i realize it's the fourteenth? are you gonna call me a hypocrite because i vocally advocate that traditional chivalry is bullshit?"

he just listened to your playful accusation, more proving that you were self aware rather than egging him on. "no way," he said plainly. "you can still think traditional chivalry is bullshit, it won't stop me from trying to make you smile."

you felt your face heating up, your jaw dropping slightly to let out an annoyed huff. "cheesy, joshua. i'm offended."

"want me to make it worse?" he asked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

your hands landed on his chest as you squinted at his grin. "i'm scared."

he gave you a crooked grin. "happy one hundred days. i brought sushi."

your head whipped over to the counter, spotting the paper bag with a familiar logo. "from nori table?"

"of course, from nori table."

joshua had promised jeonghan that you would make an appearance as a couple at a party he was throwing the next day, and you found yourself almost nervous. you got on with jeonghan famously - almost enough to drive joshua insane - and you even warmed up to seokmin pretty quickly, but from what you had been told, jeonghan enjoyed partying, and you didn't really like getting drunk.

"you made it!" seokmin grinned big, spreading his arms to signal for you to let him wrap you in a hug. you laughed and greeted him, enjoying the friendly comfort, then watching him hug joshua after he let you go. "and you're blonde! life's good?"

"yeah," joshua said, making eye contact with you briefly as his fingers tangled with yours. "life's good. you?"

seokmin blinked before he said "yeah, good!" and your brow knit slightly before you consciously adjusted your face to hide the analysis of his hesitation happening behind your eyes. "this is your first time here, right?"

you nodded, smiling and following him as he led you into the crowded apartment. "yeah, it's been busy lately. but i finally made it to one!"

"well, you need to meet my friends," he said, continuously looking back at you even as he walked ahead, towards a corner of the living room. "you're gonna love them."

"aye, josh!"

you looked to the source of the call, spotting the guy pulling himself to his feet from his seat on the couch, arms wide in greeting to your boyfriend.

"hey, hosh," joshua said, a sideways grin on and his brows tented as he gave him a quick handshake into a hug. quickly, he put a hand on your opposite shoulder, pulling you towards him and quickly introducing you.

soonyoung initially went in for a hug after your introduction, but immediately noticed the way your eyes widened slightly and instantly pulled his arms down, leaving a hand extended for you to shake. you laughed, taking it, and apologized for not being a hugger.

"no worries," soonyoung laughed, and you wondered if he was always this pink in the face or if he had already started drinking. "seokmin will hug me, right?"

"everyone!" seokmin ignored him, pulling you towards the people gathered on and around the couch. he announced you to his friends then quickly went down the line - soonyoung, seungkwan, jihoon, dongmin, yugyeom - you repeated the names back to him like you would remember all of them, even though you knew you wouldn't unless they became regulars in your life, too.

jeonghan flitted by and expressed his greetings to you both some time later, intending to abscond with joshua for drinks and conversation elsewhere, but he stopped jeonghan from pulling him away before he put a hand on your elbow, looking at you meaningfully.

"i'll be okay," you told him, smiling. "go ahead."

he squinted at you. "you sure?"

"seokmin's here," you reminded him, nodding your head at the boy you had practically adopted as your own brother. "real quick, about soonyoung-"

he quirked an eyebrow at you. "what about him?"

you chewed your lip, smiling. "karol's been a little too focused on work lately, right?"

his eyes widened, thinking about your roommate. his eyes went to the man you had referenced, who was currently chanting something into seungkwan's face as he rolled his eyes. "karol?"

"what do you think?" you asked, looking back at soonyoung.

he blinked. "i think he'll drive her insane."

your eyes shone at him. "i think she'll love it."

he laughed incredulously, registering that you had asked his opinion instead of just doing whatever pleased you, and he wondered if that meant you trusted him. "you're right," he said finally. "try it."

"of course i'm right," you said, giggling against the quick peck he put on your lips. "remove him, jeonghan."

"finally," an impatient host shot back, rolling his eyes in a way that landed in a sly smile at you. "for what it's worth, i think your plan will work."

"didn't need your approval, but i'll take it," you said, smiling smugly at him. "i'll update you later."

the update you gave the next time you saw him, weeks later, was that karol had left the apartment every week since to go be with soonyoung somewhere fun and exciting, and you waved her off with a shiteating grin every week, culminating in the two of them arriving to krys' birthday party hand in hand.

jeonghan laughed, stealing a carrot stick from your cutting board as you arranged them into a rainbow themed charcuterie platter. "knew it. soonyoung loves women stronger than him."

you looked at him as he took a bite. "and karol loves someone she can take care of."

"look at us," he said, waving the half eaten carrot between the two of you with a lopsided grin on his face. "what a duo. we should hang out more. fuck joshua."

you laughed at him, then at the offended look on your boyfriend's face as he walked past. "now?" you asked eyebrows raised as you looked at him expectantly, and he laughed when he realized what the last words out of jeonghan's mouth were seconds before.

"please, this is a child's birthday party," he reminded you, and you laughed at the overexaggerated look he gave you to sell the joke.

you looked over to where krys was laughing with seokmin, soonyoung, and karol, then back down to your work as you nudged around quartered figs with a vague smile on. "seems like the kids are having a nice time."

jeonghan sighed, falling dramatically against the counter. "oh, to be young and in love."

joshua laughed. "karol's our age."

his cheek was planted in his palm, elbow on the counter as he gazed after the group. "i'm talking about seokmin and krys."

"what?" joshua asked, voice nearly cracking, and you let out an explosive laugh. "seokmin and who?"

"stop acting stupid," jeonghan waved ahand at him, then popping his eyes up to catch your look of solidarity. he pointed at you. "see? we're on the same page, which means we're right."

joshua looked at you and you raised your hands in surrender. "are you serious?" he asked. "my sister and-"

you landed a hand on his face, effectively shutting him up as you giggled. "shush, josh. just leave it, okay?"

"good idea," jeonghan sighed, straightening and picking up the platter you had finished. "dining table?"

"please," you responded, looking back and giggling when joshua looked just as dumbfounded as he had before you looked away. "she's an adult. seokmin's a good guy. let it happen."

he closed his mouth, stealing a glance at his sister. "he is a kindergarten teacher."

"and both your best friend and your partner love him," you reminded him. "she could do worse."

he gave you a look. "she has done worse."

"shut up," you said, pushing his shoulder in your friend's defense. "you've done pretty bad, too."

his eyes went to the ceiling, remembering the accidental altercation you had been forced to have with one of his more regrettable exes. "how many times do i have to apologize-"

"you don't," you laughed, putting your hands on his cheeks and focusing his eyes on yours. "but krys is an adult. she's allowed to judge her own partners, and even if she ends up being wrong, she's old enough to make her own mistakes."

joshua huffed, knowing you were right but not wanting to admit it. "sorry i'm trying to protect my one and only baby sister."

"yes, and you're adorable," you assured him. "best big brother ever. but it's her birthday, and if you don't start getting drunk soon, she'll be very upset."

drinking with joshua was fun. because he wasn't much different than yourself - he didn't get crazy, he didn't get loud. he just got loose. he let stupider jokes out, and he was more willing to join in on krys' performative comedy bits throughout the night. you found yourself falling onto a couch with him, giggling as he caught his breath after a particularly involved musical number.

the most fun you had drinking with joshua was in itaewon, long past midnight but still what you considered halloween. you had been dragging karol with you for years, but now you had a boyfriend, and she had a boyfriend, and you both had a new joint best friend, so it only made sense for you to get them all take the train ride out to your favorite part of seoul.

ratatouille. that was the only way you could get joshua to go with you. he wanted a couples costume and he wanted you to be the rat.

"this feels backhanded," you told him.

"do you want to be linguine?" he asked. "i can be sexy remy. i can find grey hot pants, but you have to be the one to attach the the tail because i have no idea what my butt looks like."

you laughed, resigning to your fate and buying the outfit online, then looked at him suddenly. "liar. i know you check yourself out at the gym."

"okay," he said, eyes on the ceiling as he herded a giggling you into his arms. "then… i want it to be accurate, so you need to attach it directly at my tailbone." he cocked his head at you after you settled into the hug. "i have to be wearing them, obviously."

"obviously," you said. "but unfortunately, i already ordered the body suit."

josh pressed his lips together and made a quick fist in victory. "awesome. i-i mean! aww, well, that's fine, i suppose." he sighed dramatically, convincing absolutely no one that he hadn't wanted this outcome all along. "i'll be linguine."

"i don't feel like fighting a bunch of gays in itaewon for your affection anyways," you said, making him laugh and kiss your cheek quickly before pulling away.

"grilled cheese?"

"is that even a question?"

it wasn't a question when you were weaving through throngs of bunnies and angels, either, holding hands with both him and his sister to not lose them in the crowd, karol and soonyoung trailing behind krys, all five of you on a mission to get carbs in you after starting the night off nearly too strong.

halloween in itaewon was different. it was special, you thought. you usually didn't like crowds, but this one felt good. halloween wasn't a celebrated holiday in korea, but with internet, influencers, and immigrants, the culture found its way into the new age scene. you loved an excuse to celebrate your favorite characters by paying them homage, and joshua had thought that was a noble enough reason for him to justify staying up too late and drinking too much.

you had just left the diner themed bar that you devoured griddle top sandwiches from, as well as another drink, and you spotted a familiar angel making a beeline for you.

well, not you.

"how many times have i tried to get you to come to itaewon with me?" jeonghan asked, pushing joshua's shoulder as soon as he could reach it.

joshua laughed, looking shocked by the sudden appearance of his friend. "you never agreed to be remy!"

jeonghan looked at you, and burst into laughter, making your jaw drop in indignance and whacking your fist against both their arms. "at least we're original. way to put in the effort, han."

he shrugged bringing a straw to his mouth, and you eyed the pink liquid that had clearly been funnelled into a water bottle. "i look better than all these clowns and you know it."

"there you are!"

jeonghan spun, the straw still in his mouth. "shit, i haven't lost you?"

seokmin gave him a sarcastic laugh, adjusting the shoulder of his soccer jersey as he walked up behind him, quickly adding to your small circle as he greeted you and joshua. you stepped aside suddenly, revealing the members of your party that had been lagging behind. "o-oh! it's all of you!"

you made brief eye contact with joshua, who was trying to not laugh at your less than subtle attempt. "you match!" you said quickly, pointing out that krys was dressed as a baseball player. "baseball, soccer," you trailed off, looking around for help.

"sports couple," jeonghan said loudly, slipping you a quick look. "cute."

soonyoung had to put his entire palm over his mouth to stop himself from exploding into giggles when seokmin went red in the ears and krys tried to change the subject as kindly as she could manage.

when you finally made it back into joshua's room, it was far too late (early? you could think about it more, but you preferred resigning to the fact that the passage of time was beyond you and moving on), the sun already starting to light the sky as it prepared to break the horizon. when you stole his toque of his head, he put his hand on your waist, backing you up against the closet door and gently working his lips onto yours.

you giggled, your arms landing on his shoulders. "aren't you tired?

"yeah, but," his eyes fluttering over your face. "i just really like you."

you were smiling when he pressed his lips to yours again. "i really like you, too, but we've been at a sweaty block party all night and we need to shower."

"together?" he asked, a spot of childish hope in his voice. "singular shower?"

you sighed on his lips, playfully threading your fingers against his nape. "if you want?"

the hot water felt especially good after trekking home in the cold without a jacket. and even though it was just meant to be a shower, he kept kissing you like it was something more, pressing you against the tiled wall and running his hands all over your shape. you couldn't stop giggling. pushing his hands away, saying you need to wash up, but giving him looks like you wanted him to keep going. you were running your hands over his chest, rinsing away suds, when joshua couldn't help but put a hand at the base of your neck, tipping your head slightly to deepen an already heated kiss.

"cut it out," you muttered against his lips, feeling them curve despite your eyes staying shut.

"cut what out?"

you looked at him, barely processing anything other than how incredibly handsome he was, even with his lashes stuck together with moisture and his hair slicked back against his head. "trying to fuck me in a shower stall."

he laughed teasingly, leaning into you again. "then why'd you agree to come in here with me?"

your back hit the tile again, and you giggled. "to save water."

and then he's kissing you again, a hand steady on your nape as he worked you open, tongue lapping against yours with a desperation that could only mean one thing. you whimpered dumbly, the squeaky whine escaping you with no difficulty as your hands ran up his chest, your grip longing for any amount of him you could get.

his lips leave you abruptly, asking if this was too much. if you wanted to stop. but you shook your head at him, hands eager to feel more of his shoulders, his neck, his scalp, despite your legs starting to give out. steam drifted between you when you told him your legs felt like jello from your full shift of partying, and if he didn't want to hold you up, you should probably take this to bed.

you were giggling as you frantically dried each other off, stealing kisses that were far too deep to be so short and longing touches that could have been interpreted as purposeful drying if you squinted hard enough, but felt much more like careful teasing. his hands felt right running up your body, and your hair was still damp, but that didn't bother either of you when you fell into bed together.

"i cant believe you want to fuck me when i was dressed like a literal rat," you teased.

he laughed, tugging your thigh up on his hip as his nose nuzzled against yours. "a sexy rat."

you giggled, lips parting when he kissed you. "a rat from a pixar movie."

he didn't miss a beat. "a sexy rat from a pixar movie."

you roll your damn eyes at him, and he just laughs, knowing that it mattered very little what you were wearing before, because now you were bare, clean, and safe in his bed, which was exactly where he wanted you for the rest of forever.

the sun was past its peak when you woke, stretching your sore spine and legs with joshua's arm draped over you. his hand seemed to wake before he did, finding your hip and squeezing gently as he took in his signature first breath of the day.

"g'morning." you smiled at his soft voice as he squinted at you, and you rolled into him to plant a kiss on his lips.

"it's almost two," you said finally.

he groaned, burying his face in the pillow. "too early." his grip around you tightened, making you giggle. "nap time."

you whined. "i wanna make coffee before it gets too late."

"i said nap time," he muttered, face still against the pillow.

"baby, i have a headache."

his head popped up, squinting at the bedside. "there's water."

you laughed incredulously. "i need caffeine."

he just pulled you tighter. "i need you here."

"wow," you said, wrapping your arms around him as he snuggled into your chest. "would rather i suffer from a caffeine headache for your own selfish need to cuddle than let me escape for two minutes to make a coffee and come back?"

he smiled, rubbing his cheek against your sternum. "mhmm."

you giggled, carding your fingers through his hair and resigning to a few more precious moments of uninterrupted snuggling before you could relieve the vague aching in your temples.

he did eventually let you slip out of his grasp, and you asked if he wanted a coffee, too, to which he just blearily blinked at you and nodded once. you laughed, finding a shirt in a drawer and pulling it over your head before exiting to the kitchen.

you hit the kettle first, having a craving for a hot cup of coffee rather than the usual iced, grabbing a mug and glass from a cabinet. the espresso machine sat on the long counter against the windowed outer wall, and your eyes danced across the outside world as you made the two coffees. when you returned to the bedroom, joshua was on his phone, and when you cleared your throat, he dropped his phone on the pillow and pretended to be asleep, complete with a loud snore.

you giggled, sitting on the edge of the bed and nudging him carefully. "get up or i'll put the glass on your neck."

he winced at the idea. "evil," he stated plainly, flopping around to comfortably sit up and taking the iced coffee from you.

you sipped your coffee and put it on the bedside table to swing your feet back under the covers. you shoved at the pillows to support your back as you sat, grabbing your coffee and phone to begin your weekend morning routine of checking the news as you sipped at an americano. "i brought you coffee in bed at two pm. i think i'm pretty saintly."

he gave you a fake laugh, making you giggle and push your foot against his leg under the covers in a half hearted kick. "is that why you said 'oh, god' so much last night?"

you groaned. "gross, joshua. and for the record," you said, eyeing him slyly as a smile broke out on your lips. "that was this morning."

"time is an illusion," he declared, taking a gulp from his coffee and setting it down to get more comfortable beside you as you began to read an article. "are we doing anything today?"

you shook your head, eyes still focused on your screen. "nada."

"nothin'?" joshua fished.

"zilch," you concluded.

"rad," he decided, a light tone in his voice as he grabbed his phone to resume whatever he had been doing before you returned. "do you wanna order breakfast?"

you let out a breath, your head falling back as you looked at him. "yes, oh my god."

he laughed, and his eyes ran over your face in a way you recognized well at this point. to you, it was him just smiling back at you, and you liked that it reached his eyes. but to him, it was the way he looked at you when he was memorizing all the little reasons he adored you, and it was getting harder for him to pretend it wasn't more than just simple adoration.

"question," he started, eyes darting away from yours as he licked his suddenly dry lips and swallowed quickly.

"pasta," you said immediately, pulling your phone to your chest as you gave him your biggest, most convincing eyes before a finger came up to demonstrate a point. "and before you say that's not a breakfast food, i would like to remind you that it is 2pm and i had to sit through a hundred of your italian food puns yesterday despite ratatouille being set in france."

he laughed, and you gave him a confused look. "we can get pasta, but that wasn't the question."

your eyebrow quirked. "what other question could you possibly ask me right now?"

unknowingly, joshua let his face settle into the same look he was giving you less than a minute earlier. "would you want to move in?"

your eyes ran over his face repeatedly, trying to register how serious he was as you considered the idea of staying in this comforting bed and presence for the indefinite future, and even you couldn't hide how nice that sounded. the only thing stopping you was that you couldn't bear to leave karol alone. you had been living together for over four years now, she had been your first roommate in korea, your best friend for years, and an inexplicable source of quiet but understanding comfort for you.

"i understand," joshua assured you, placing his hand over yours after you expressed your hesitation. "i don't know what i'll do with myself when krys decides to move out."

you nodded, studying his face but mind wandering to other things. "krys," you hummed, and he eyed you.

"what genius plan is that brain brewing?"

you shook your head, brushing the thought out of your mind - the thought that krys had said something about needing to find a new place soon. the thought that she had said she was never gonna properly grow up when josh was taking care of her, whether she wanted him to or not. "nothing."

but it wasn't nothing. it was a compromise - you and krys would swap leases.

"are you sure?" you asked her, elbows on the island as krys ate the donuts you had anxiously made that morning. you had brought up the idea to her days before, and she excitedly agreed, but something about it felt too easy to you.

"yes," she assured you, wiping her bottom lip clear of powdered sugar. "i swear, i'm sure. how many times do i have to say it?"

you chewed your cheek. "i don't want you to feel like i'm kicking you out."

"you're not kicking me out," she said matter of factly. "i'm moving out. it just happens to be the same day as you're moving in."

you pouted. "and you're moving into my apartment."

"yeah," she said, nodding. "i get to pay lower rent and have south facing windows in my room. i should feel bad about kicking you out."

it took almost a month to organize everything, but by early december you were just waiting for the date. you purposefully scheduled for a weekend, in order to not disrupt krys' streaming schedule and your video uploads, since you had planned to do a separate moving vlog about safely packing tableware. the weekend before, krys came over to her soon-to-be home for your usual monthly brunch.

flipping pancakes that day felt a little somber, knowing it was the last time you'd be cooking brunch while living with karol. you had been with her for four years, and it felt surreal that you were finally parting ways like this. not only that, but you were moving in with a guy. the idea itself scared the shit out of you - cohabitating with someone other than karol. you'd be sharing a room. sharing a kitchen. sharing all of your space - normally, that would scare you away from agreeing, but something about joshua made you feel safe. he made you feel like you would never try to get back the distance you generally held so dear.

months ago, the idea of sharing space like that while trying to decompress would be unimaginable, but recently, you found alone time with joshua just as healing as alone time with yourself, so the idea of being able to snuggle into his side every night actually put a warm feeling in your stomach. you looked at your friends, who were laughing and drinking bloody marys as you tried to keep up with their conversation. your brain swirled, and you looked back down at the strawberries you were cutting, suddenly realizing you had never felt that way about a boy before.

"woah, you okay, babe?" krys bobbed her head downwards to check your face. "are you crying? i thought only onions did that to you."

you threw your head back, sniffling noisily trying to force the tears back under your ducts. karol stood. "oh, my god, what's wrong?" she frantically put down her drink and rushed around the counter to your side.

"wait, yeah-" krys shook her head rapidly, then reached over to take the knife out of your hand, her face creasing into a worried pout. "what's going on?"

you gathered yourself, embarrassed at how quickly you had cried so hard over such a stupid realization. you almost laughed, realizing what a scene you were making. you never cried. you weren't even sure either of them had seen it before now, yet you were ugly sobbing over something that they all probably already knew.

you swallowed harshly, clearing your throat. "i think i'm in love with josh."

krys and karol always knew you didn't truly care about the gender of your hypothetical partner, but that you had avoided men for a reason other than your attraction to them. they knew you gravitated towards women for practically your entire friendships with either of them, they knew that you never liked to get genuinely drunk and instead took care of the rest of them, and they knew you had never been very interested in sex. these were all known facts about you, and your friends understood that you kept the reasons for these facts close to your chest. they respected that.

but you finally wanted to share why. and the why was your ex.

when you had imagined telling your closest friends about your trauma, this certainly wasn't the situation you expected - crowded around the kitchen counter as your pancakes went cold, and only because you had burst into tears. it wasn't the right place, you thought, for you to talk about how he got you drunk. how you were practically asleep. how you tried to push him away but your body was weak with intoxication and you were powerless against him. someone you trusted. someone you loved.

you had always been the type to fight your own battles. you could stand up for yourself without difficulty, yet he made you scared of men. of what they could do to you. he reminded you that despite your effort to air on the androgynous, you had a body that some people might enjoy against your will. he made you want to hide everything about you and your body, wearing baggy shirts and oversized hoodies every chance you got, avoiding the unwanted gaze of men.

but recently, you've been wearing shorts more. you cropped some old shirts you never got use out of anymore to wear to your weekly yoga class. you had even bought a schoolgirl outfit for exactly one purpose, which had been entirely out of your comfort zone until roughly two months prior, but you had happily worn to please a man.

but in your defense, joshua hong was not like most men.

his appreciation of your body never felt predatory, and it always felt like it was bested by his appreciation of your mind. he didn't treat you like a prize, or like you were his for the taking. he appreciated your body as yours. while you may have found yourself the subject of his desire, you were never an object, and it had been a long time since you had felt comfortable wearing the clothes you liked in favor of opting for whatever would hide the most skin.

krys was crying. karol was too, but she was more focused on hugging you tight as you wiped off the tears that had trailed down your face. krys rounded the counter, loudly vocalising how much she loved you and everything about you, and you laughed out loud as she let out an exaggerated wail.

"actually, though," she said, pulling away slightly and sniffling. "drop the address. we're rolling up on this guy tomorrow."

you laughed again, wiping at your face when your arms were free. "wouldn't even know where to find him now."

"good!" karol declared. "fuck that guy! cut him out! you're a bad bitch!"

krys pouted. "i'm really happy josh helped you heal."

you stared at her for a second, registering that she must have been right. you eyes swam over the counter, thinking about all the times he had helped you feel more comfortable with yourself. with everything. enough to let someone in. enough to love. "i guess that's what this is, huh?"

karol cleared her throat. "so, you love him."

a grin broke out on krys' face, and your eyes immediately rolled. "you love him."

"you love him so bad."

"you wanna marry him and make adorable little hong babies."

"oh my god," you said, pressing the backs of your hands into your eye sockets, annoyed laughter on your lips as they bounced off each other. "you guys suck."

joshua started acting… odd. that was the only way you could describe it. there was nothing specific you could name - maybe the way his eyes were moving slightly too quickly from side to side? or maybe it was the way he inhaled a little extra when you asked him what was up, only for him to push his lips into an exaggerated pout and insist that nothing was. whatever it was, it made you watch him a little bit longer, your eyes squinting slightly more than usual.

you called him the day before, asking if you could bring some stuff over in hopes of making the next day as easy as possible, but his response was quick and surprising.

"what do you mean, no?" you laughed, putting down the wooden tray you were deciding the fate of. "do you have a girl over?"

you could hear him faltering on the other end. "and what if i did?"

"good luck getting her to make you breakfast."

he laughed. "i'm kidding. i have a guy over."

"oh?" you asked. "jeonghan?"

"shut up," he chuckled out. "i'm having something installed, but it was supposed to be a surprise."

"joshua," you reminded him, thinking of what the hell he could have meant by something. "i don't do surprises."

"you do now."

you groaned, a palm landing on your counter. "what is it?"

"a sex swing," he said plainly, as though that were the most obvious fact that you could have questioned, and you practically choked on your laughter, not even letting him confirm that he was joking before you were folded over your counter. and quite frankly, you could not wait another day to let him make you laugh like that as a routine.

you finally seceded, but you were glad when joshua arrived - the suv he rented loaded with krys' things - because it was a signifier that the distance between you and said surprise was shrinking quickly. soonyoung had become a surprisingly helpful voice of reason as you went through your piles of tablewares, telling you which ones to leave behind and which ones to take with you. seokmin had even arrived not long after the suv in his own car, a few brightly colored belongings in his backseat. you and karol exchanged a look when you realized he had volunteered to help krys move, but said nothing out loud, knowing she would do nothing but deny the obvious.

after yours and krys' affects were swapped in the car, you looked around one last time before telling josh you thought that was it.

"wait!" krys faltered, realizing she didn't have a good reason to stop you. "i- uh,"

"they know there's a surprise waiting for them," he said, digging the rental keys out of his jacket pocket.

karol looked to you. "do you know what it is?"

"of course not," joshua stated proudly before you could respond. "i'm like a steel trap."

you laughed. "that's definitely not how that phrase is meant to be used."

he raised a brow at you. "that doesn't change the fact that you could never get that info out of me."

"they absolutely could," karol said.

"for sure," krys agreed.

"i just wanted to let you have this," you admitted.

joshua looked between the three of you with his jaw slightly dropped, and seokmin put a hand over his mouth while crossing his arms to disguise the almost laugh on his lips.

"well, i want to see your reaction," krys decided. "so i'm coming."

"wait," soonyoung asked, putting down the retro boombox he had been investigating, among the other things that had been brought from the loft. "like, the surprise?"

"does everyone know about this but me?" you asked, hands hitting your sides in exasperation.

seokmin looked at you with wide, confused eyes. "i don't."

you lifted your hands in a vague prayer towards him. "thank you for your solidarity."

"i wanna see your face, too!" soonyoung said, ignoring you both. "you're gonna freak."

"joshua," you started, turning to him with a look of dread on your face. "what the fuck did you get?"

"i told you!" he exclaimed. "a sex swing!"

there was an excruciatingly long second of silence, making your palm land directly on your face - just above your eye - before seokmin let out a surprised, "a what?"

"he's kidding," you announced, much to the teacher's relief. "and if he's not we're breaking up."

it was decided that the entire party would move to the loft for the surprise reveal, and you watched your friends pile into seokmin's car with your palms sweating slightly and your molars gently gnawing at the fleshy party of your cheek. because, truly, you didn't handle receiving gifts well when you knew what they were, but you didn't have a single clue as to what could be waiting for you in your new home, and that made you a little nervous to have an audience for your possibly piss poor reaction.

joshua's hand found yours on the drive to the apartment. "you okay?"

you blinked and looked over at him, his eyes catching yours between glances at the road. "i don't do surprises."

"so you've said," he nodded. his fingers squeezed at yours lightly and you exhaled. "do you want to know before we go in? you can just act surprised."

your felt your face soften, registering what he was offering you. "joshua, you don't have to do that-"

"i know," he said. "but if it makes you more comfortable, then…"

"no way," you said. "i'll just stop being a baby. you set up a surprise, the least i can do is participate the way you want me to."

he eyed you, then the way you laced your fingers with his. "but you are a baby."

you rolled your eyes. "shut up, no i'm not."

"my baby," he clarified, and you let out an involuntary giggle.

he was guiding you into the kitchen, his large hands placed over your eyes and covering most of your face by proxy, and you didn't quit your playful complaints for the crowd of your closest friends that had gathered around, their presence obvious despite your vision being impaired.

"ready?" joshua asked.

"josh, i literally hate surprises, do we have to do all this?"

"yes," he said frankly. "because i'm doing something nice for us and you're going to love it so can you shut up and let me do this the way i want to like you told me you wanted me to?"

you paused, hearing the way your friends stifled their laughter as you took in a deep breath.

"ready?" he repeated.

"yeah, i guess," you sighed.

the light was harsh when his hands left your face, and you blinked repeatedly at the kitchen that you spent countless hours in, registering what was different. then, it suddenly clicked, the stovetop joshua had always had was replaced by the blue vintage styled range of your dreams.

"joshua!" you gasped, hands going to your face as you spun to look at him, then back at the range. "you bought me a lacanche?!"

he grinned, hands snaking around your waist from behind as you stood frozen in place. "i bought us a lacanche."

seokmin leaned over to krys. "what's a le conch?"

she reached up and put a finger over his mouth, eyes fixed on you. "shh, they're communicating."

you rushed over to the range, joshua following behind you as you ran your hands over the polished chrome handles that you had stared at on the website for years. "and it's all hooked up?"

he nodded, eyes on you with a smile on his face. "tested it last night."

"without me?" you asked, incredulous.

he laughed. "i didn't want to ruin the surprise by burning the loft down directly after."

your finger fidgeted on the handle, looking over to joshua. he gestured for you to go ahead, and you pushed and spun the knob, lighting a burner and squealing. you shut it off again before launching yourself into a hug.

"joshua!" you wailed, arms wrapped around his neck as he laughed, putting his around your waist. "i love it so much ican'tbelieveyouboughtusafucking lacanche range in portuguese blue for no goddamn reason!"

"there was a reason!" he laughed, letting you pull away slightly to study his face. "it's a housewarming gift. i want you to know this place is yours, too, now."

you did your best to suck the tears back into the ducts they belonged in, trying to not show just how much the gesture meant to you in that way, but you were sure one escaped down your cheek when your hands went to the base of his skull, pulling him into a kiss. you forgot the context of the move. you forgot about your friends that had been excitedly crowded in your new kitchen, anticipating your over the top reaction to what they saw as just a new stove. you, however, were overwhelmed by the specifics - the fact that he had picked the color you chose most often when building your hypothetical dream stove on the website you frequented more often than you would ever admit. the fact that it matched the details on the tile of his kitchen backsplash, a detail you hadn't even noticed when you were looking at them online. the chrome vintage knobs, the layout of the burners - everything was exact to what he had seen you dream about, and you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the love and care that expressed, hoping you could tell him just how much it meant by working your lips against his.

"ok, gross," krys announced, looking away when the two of you didn't pull apart. "i'm saying goodbye to my wallpaper and we're leaving. would anyone else like to pay their respects?"

seokmin raised his hand, his eyes on the ceiling, and krys grabbed his arm and retreated towards the hall, karol telling them to hurry as soonyoung put up a hand to obstruct his view of you and joshua. when you finally pulled away, it wasn't for their reprieve, though they reacted as though it was. it was so you could look into joshua's eyes, creased with the grin on his face as you gave him a similar one, and you couldn't wait to cook with him, on your, plural, portuguese blue lacanche range, with chrome classique handles, four gas burners, a griddle, and a warming drawer. and it would be your best brunch yet.

[wellimaginethat]

Pity Party: Chapter One

Pairing: Crockett Marcel x (female) Paramedic!Reader

Requested?: Nope! I just decided to write little birthday one shots to celebrate my birthday, lol

Word Count: 1922

Author’s Note: So this is one of my four birthday stories written due to my birthday having been last Wednesday. This one will be a short series because apparently I love writing little series when it’s Crockett, lol. Also, this is my attempt at a slow burn...usually I just jump right into it or something, but this time I am going to actually try to write a slow burn...let’s see how that goes, lol

Trigger Warning(s): Spending your birthday alone, being sad, drinking alcohol, slow burn

Disclaimer: I don’t owe nor am I affiliated with any of the Chicago shows, I just like to play with the characters

Summary: You were bummed to be spending your birthday alone, but your coworkers at the firehouse and your friends at med had different ideas, which leads you to celebrating your birthday at Molly’s and almost confronting your feelings for Crockett...

Y/N = Your Name

Tag list: Not tagging in the birthday ones because I don’t want to accidentally tag someone who doesn’t celebrate birthdays. However, if you do want to be tagged in the following parts of this series then do let me know and I will gladly tag you.

Every year as your birthday approached, you got incredibly excited only to be let down when you once again spent it alone.

You kept hoping your friends would ask if you wanted to go out for a drink to celebrate, or to grab pizza, or to just hang out. But every year, all you ever got was texts or simple posts on facebook, which you hardly went on anymore.

So this year you were going to try your hardest not to get excited and hopeful, because you didn’t want to go through the same thing you had for the last few years and you really wanted to avoid the birthday depression, as you called it, when you finally realized that all you would get would be texts. Now you were okay with not getting any gifts, you didn’t really care about that or about cards, you just wanted someone to at least act like they were happy you were another year older.

And it’s not like you hadn’t put effort into planning stuff for your own birthday. In the previous years you had asked a few friends to get drinks with you, to get pizza with you, to have dinner, the list goes on. They would always say something along the lines of ‘yeah sure’ and then either forget, make other plans, or cancel at the last minute. You could understand that sometimes life happens, but it was every year and you felt like you were putting more effort into your friendships than they were.

The last straw was when you saw the three of your closest friends hanging out without you, and you figured it was time to finally move on from your old high school clique.

So you fully intended to spend this birthday alone at your apartment.

So after your shift, you went home and changed into jeans and a nice shirt because if you were going to celebrate your birthday alone, you were going to at least look good while you did so.

You went to the counter and grabbed the pastry box that held the cupcake you had bought yourself and opened it, carefully pulling the cupcake out and setting it on the counter before ripping open the package of candles and placing one on the cupcake.

You searched for about twenty minutes before you finally found some matches to light your candle. You watched as the candle burnt for a few seconds before letting your eyes fall shut to make a wish. For someone to care. Before blowing out the candle.

You pulled the candle out and tossed it on the counter to the side and pulled the paper wrapping off of the cupcake and took a bite just as there was a knock at your door.

You set the cupcake down and headed to the door and looked through the peephole to see Crockett Marcel.

Curious, you opened the door with a raised brow. As soon as you had finished chewing and swallowing your cupcake, you tilted your head and finally asked, very confused. “What are you doing here?”

That seemed to catch him off guard. “Is that any way to greet a visitor?”

You frowned slightly, your turned to be caught off guard. “I’m sorry...I just...wasn’t expecting anyone…” You told him. “I wasn’t trying to be rude, and I’m still not, but the question still stands…”

“It’s your birthday.” Crockett stated simply, glancing over your shoulder into your apartment. “And you seem to be throwing yourself a pity party…”

“Yeah well it’s my pity party, so if you don’t mind I’m going to get back to it.” You told him. “You can come inside if you want.” You offered. “I don’t have another cupcake though…”

Crockett shook his head. “No, I came to get you.”

“Get me?” You asked, confused.

Crockett nodded. “Everyone’s waiting down at Molly’s for you.”

You were still confused and now you were frowning. “What for?”

“To celebrate your birthday.” Crockett told you like it should have been obvious. “We were going to surprise you, but when you didn’t show up, we decided someone should come get you.”

“And you drew the short straw?”

Crockett frowned at you. “No, I volunteered because I wanted to be the first to wish the sweet little paramedic a happy birthday.”

You tried to fight back the smile but couldn’t help it. “Well thanks.”

“Now get your shoes on and grab a coat, everyone’s waiting for the birthday girl.” Crockett smiled at you.

You slipped your shoes on and grabbed your coat and purse before locking up and walking with Crockett, he insisted you ride with him and you didn’t argue. He opened the door for you to get in his car, and then opened the door to the bar so you could walk in first, a complete gentleman and it made your little crush on him grow that much more.

“Hey, she’s here.” You heard your best friend Sylvie quickly whisper to everyone as you were walking in, and suddenly all eyes were on you.

“Happy birthday!” They all shouted and cheered.

You smiled wide, hardly able to believe that they actually cared enough to wish you a happy birthday. As you walked in more, you were given a few hugs and a few wished you a happy birthday again in softer voices.

“What will it be for the birthday girl?” Herrmann asked when you finally made it up to the bar.

You ordered your usual with a smile and a thank you.

He set it in front of you. “On the house. Happy birthday, kid.”

“Thank you.” You told him again, this time more meaningful as you picked up the drink, trying hard not to let emotions overwhelm you.

You did a good job at keeping the emotions at bay while you talked with your coworkers - no, friends - but soon enough it was getting to overwhelm you and you had to disappear. It was somewhat easy to do, just lie and say you had to use the bathroom and sneak out the back.

However, you were outside less than a minute when the backdoor opened and closed and none other than Crockett was walking towards you.

“You good?”

“I’m good.” You breathed out, your hot breath making little clouds as you nodded to him. “It’s just that I’ve never really had anyone really care about me. At least not enough to bother making me feel special on my birthday...and then with everyone in there, wishing me a happy birthday and making me feel...loved...it’s just a bit overwhelming.” You admitted, wrapping your arms around yourself to keep the cold out.

Crockett nodded as he leaned against the wall next to you. “That’s understandable.” The two of you were quiet for a moment. “You have people who care about you.”

“Yeah...I know.” You smiled, tears in your eyes. “It’s nice.”

Crockett smiled and nodded. “Especially me.”

You glanced at him for a moment, trying not to read too much into it, and gave him a small smile. “You’re a really good friend, Crockett.” You told him softly, assuming that’s what he meant, and then you had to look away before you said something you’d regret. “I’m glad you saved me from my pity party.” You felt the need to break the silence.

Crockett smirked a bit and nodded, looking straight ahead. “What’re friends for?”

Silence fell between the two of you again and you felt like it was a tense silence and couldn’t figure out why. The cold was starting to get to you, so you looked at him again. “I’m gonna head back inside.” You told him.

“That’s probably a good idea, it’s a little cold out here.” Crockett chuckled, pushing off the wall and heading to the door. He opened it for you and let you step inside first.

“Thank you.” You said softly as you stepped inside and headed back towards the bar where Sylvie was.

“Hey, where’d you go? I thought you ditched out.” Sylvie asked with a laugh.

“Oh I just needed some air.” You brushed it off with a smile, ordering another drink and picking up your conversation that the two of you were having before you had excused yourself earlier in the night.

Until Sylvie suddenly changed the subject. “So what do you think of Dr. Marcel?” She asked in what almost seemed like a suggestive tone.

You just about spit out your drink but were able to control yourself, you looked at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean it seems like you might have a little crush on him.” She told you. “And he seems like he might like you back.”

You frowned a bit and shook your head. “No...we’re just friends.”

Sylvie snorts. “Yeah, okay.”

“We are.” You insisted.

“Okay okay.” Sylvie surrendered. “I just noticed how he looks at you and all.” She shrugged. “But you would know, so if you say you’re just friends then that’s what you are.”

You nodded. “Mhm…”

Across the bar, Crockett was having a very similar conversation with Natalie.

“So did you tell her?” Natalie asked in an excited yet hushed tone.

Crockett shook his head a bit as he sipped his bourbon. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“You’re saying you don’t like her?” Natalie asked, raising a brow, obviously not buying it.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Crockett told her with a sigh.

“So then why didn’t you tell her?” Natalie asked, tilting her head slightly.

Crockett sighed again and glanced over your way before looking at Natalie. “Because in her eyes, we’re just friends, and...I’m okay with that.”

“You are?” Natalie asked, not understanding why he would be.

Crockett nodded. “I’d rather be just her friend than tell her the truth and make her uncomfortable and end up being nothing. I’m happy being her friend.”

Natalie nodded. “Oh...well then...okay.” She had thought you both had liked each other and that it would be all great. Now this was just a downer.

When the end of the night rolled around, you walked with Crockett to his car and he once again opened the door for you, causing you to smile. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Crockett said softly with a smile.

“Tonight was amazing.” You were feeling the good effects of the drinks you had, making you happy and at ease. “It was by far the best birthday I’ve ever had.” You giggled. “I will forever remember my twenty-seventh birthday.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Crockett told you, glancing over with a smile as you continued to talk about how wonderful your birthday had been.

When you arrived at your apartment complex, you quickly got out of the car. Crockett walked over to you and walked you up.

“You don’t have to walk me to my apartment.” You laughed softly before stumbling into him and laughing more. “Okay, maybe you do.”

“I don’t mind.” Crockett said softly as he walked with you, after the two of you were at your apartment he looked at you. “Are you gonna be okay?”

You hummed and nodded. “Yeah, I’m good.” You smiled at him and touched his cheek. “You’re such a good friend.”

Crockett smiled at you. “I’m glad we’re friends, Y/N.”

“Me too.” You agreed with a nod, even if you were currently fighting back the urge to kiss him.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” Crockett smiled at you and began walking down the hall as you went inside your apartment.

Part Two Coming Soon

[justalittlebluetiefling]

We’ve all got things that we want to talk about after that episode, but the biggest moment for me that I want to dig into is:

Jester fucking hesitated.

Why can’t I ever just get to the point? This got long. 

Jester’s playlist came out two months ago and it sent me into a weird spiral about Jester’s place in the Mighty Nein. If you were following me then, maybe you remember lol. Her two songs for Artagan were very conflicting: Formidable by Amy Lilley vs Anywhere U Go by Tove Lo. Like she said. Her relationship with the Traveler had become... complicated. I made more than one post talking about how worried I was about Jester feeling a lack of connection to the Nein and how it felt like she might leave because of it. Leave with the Traveler because of it. I didn’t think she wanted to leave the Nein, but if it came down to a choice, the choice felt obvious. It has never felt like a stretch to me. It’s seemed very possible. Because Artagan saved her from loneliness.

And so I want to talk about Connect by Elohim real quick before I move on. When she set off on her own, she was “desperate to find someone to connect with. Someone who would understand her and be what she always read about in storybooks.” (Again, as a few people have said, that is clearly a split paragraph from the next, Summer’s Gone, but I digress.) This song was the reason I started thinking about the way she connects to the Nein and I started paying attention to how invested she seemed in the group dynamic.

So... here’s the deal. I really do believe that Jester has been struggling to feel the connection with the Nein. It’s not that she doesn’t love them or consider them friends, but she has one of the strongest sets of external ties in the group. And part of her external ties travels with her, in a sense. He’s her patron. God. Funky little archfey buddy. Whatever he is. 

And because of this, because I think she’s been struggling with connection, I think that Fjord’s conversations with her were truly beneficial. Fjord went out of his way (in a way that he hasn’t before) to make sure that she knows that she is valued and she is wanted. Jester’s got a high wisdom. I don’t necessarily think she reads what he’s been saying to her as romantic love, but it is very clearly love of some kind. 

It was just... incredibly poetic, the way the whole scene played out. Of course Jester would cling onto Artagan and of course Fjord would do what he could to get up to her. This is... weird. I don’t know how to word it. Really, I’d put money on Artagan being grateful that Fjord was up there trying to get Jester to let go, because he also wanted Jester to let go.

Okay I’ve gotten super off track. This is about Jester’s hesitation and what that means for her and how she’s evolved. 

When she started traveling, as I mentioned above, she was desperate to find someone to connect with. She already had Artagan at this point. And even she knew that it wasn’t enough. She wanted more. And then she met Fjord. Who she was immediately infatuated with. And that relationship/friendship has grown and deepened to something very different over the almost year that they’ve known each other. They’ve been there for each other without hesitation the entire way. Jester followed Fjord across the ocean, underneath it, into danger repeatedly for his personal journey. And now Fjord has done the same. He’s never hesitated to follow her into danger, diving off the side of a tree, teleporting out into the shadows as a distraction when she fell off the roof. He’s made sure that her mother was safe from Algar, run out into the night after Jester because she accidentally left her mom at a party, that she got a chance to see The Gentleman. 

She loves these two people very much. In very similar ways. She’s idealized them both at various times and has been coming to terms with what she really feels as she’s traveled through the world and met new people. Whether or not she loves them the way she thought she did. Whether it’s different than she thought. 

And that’s what it comes down to. The planar being asks her: “Do you love him this much?”

And Jester hesitates.

“I look at Artagan.” [long pause] “I look back at Fjord.”

The way this felt to me was Jester evaluating. Does she love Artagan enough to go into imprisonment with him? Yes. But does she love Fjord enough to stay behind?

Even last Wednesday, I would have told you that she would never hesitate in a situation like this. I seriously expected her to say, “I’m sorry, Fjord.” or something along those lines. But she looked at Artagan, restrained. And then she looks back at Fjord, who is showing no signs of letting go either. He’s followed her into danger once again. Would he have held on if she did? Could she condemn him to that? Make him pay for Artagan and Jester’s mistakes here? Can she leave him behind? Can she leave her friends? Her home, she says later.

Now, I’m going to make some speculative leaps here. But when they’re back down with the group later, Jester all but admits that she would have gone if Fjord hadn’t been there (and Artagan kicked her off, but that’s not what Jester was talking about). Jester thanked Fjord for going after her. She said she was glad that he was hanging onto her. She implies that if he wasn’t there, she would have gone. People are talking about this scene a lot and I’m surprised that more of it isn’t about the fact that we very well could have lost Jester in this episode if it weren’t for Fjord. She is absolutely able to make her own decisions, but she was panicking and clinging to her friend, trying to save him, and letting go of him wouldn’t have occurred to her as a possibility if Fjord hadn’t been there. 

For some reason, I’ve got to bring it back to discourse, but not in like a hateful way I swear. It is genuinely strange to me that people are so offended over Fjord’s treatment of Jester when Artagan and Fjord literally want the same things for her. Neither of them wanted her to make that sacrifice. And the thing is... maybe it’s because it was such a shippy moment, on Fjord’s end, and people don’t like the ship. But it was truly a selfish act on Fjord’s part. I’m sure there was some urge to protect as well, but Fjord didn’t want to lose Jester, so he went and he begged for her to stay. Neither Fjord nor Artagan wanted Jester to pay for Artagan’s mistakes, no matter how culpable Jester is. It was pretty cool to see how far Fjord would go to “save” her. To keep her around.

Putting it that way, I kind of wonder if that hit Jester, too, in that moment. Because she’s been struggling to feel the connection with the Nein, maybe she thought that they wouldn’t fight if she tried to leave. But Fjord proved to her that they would. And I think that’s neat.

And I mean, to end this, I’ll say it again. Jester hesitated. This is the first time it’s felt like there was a chance she wouldn’t have left. That she might not choose him over the Mighty Nein. Of course, thankfully, it sounds like for now, she won’t be put into that position again. Neither the Nein nor Artagan appear to want or need her to choose. But Jester did just have to face whether or not she’d leave her oldest friend behind for her new friends (who she later called her home). And I think we’ll be seeing the ramifications of this dilemma play out over the next few episodes.

[fluffymcu]

Letting Loose

Part SIX

This series is TICKLE related.

Series Summary:  You’re the little sister of the one and only Captain America. You’re also the youngest girl on the team, so that automatically makes you the avengers’ little princess. And they spoil you as such. They have become your amazing family and you don’t know where you’d be without them. This series will show random adventures and fluffy events in the daily life of the reader and her family, along with an unexpected turn later on as you read. 

A/N: I’m so excited to be writing this series! This is my first time writing one and I’m a bit nervous but I hope it all goes well. :) The first few chapters will be about random events, not really following a timeline until Chapter 9. Hope you enjoy!

I feel like this one is kinda bad, idk lol

Word Count: 2,419

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-----

Sunday afternoon. You were walking to the gym to practice some dances when you heard some people talking in one of the common rooms. You decided to walk in there and see what they were talking about. 

“Alright, we’ll leave first thing in the morning.” Bucky stated, pausing and smiling lightly when he saw you come in. You pouted and looked at him, Nat, and Wanda with sad eyes. 

“You guys are leaving? On a mission?” You ask. So soon too? They exchanged looks and gave you an apologetic smile. 

“Yeah, it was sudden. They need us in Bali. We’ll only be gone two days. It’s a small mission, nothing too serious, that’s why it’s just us.” Wanda smiled. That made you feel a little better, since they weren’t gonna be gone too long. You nodded and smiled a bit, leaving to go practice. 

When you left, the three exchanged awkward looks, Nat finally speaking up. “I’ll take the kids out somewhere and explain a little more about the mission, hopefully that will make them not worry too much.” She hummed. Bucky nodded and watched as Nat left to go tell you and Peter.

----

You were almost done with your dance when Nat came in with Peter trailing behind. “Hey.” You panted. Nat smiled and nodded to the door. 

“I’m gonna take you guys to the park. Come on, get dressed. We’ll take the Lamborghini.” She smirked. You smiled widely and quickly made your way to your room. Nat always had a thing for nice cars so every time she’d go somewhere, she’d borrow some of Tony’s cars. 

You took a record time shower and put on a simple outfit, running downstairs to the garage to meet them. You and Peter raced over to the passenger side, pushing each other over. “I call shotgun!” You chirped, beating Peter to the door. He groaned and jumped into the back seat, you milking the moment by doing a victory dance and sticking your tongue at him quickly.

You had convinced Nat to get you both ice cream and you were very excited, now walking through the park with a cone of your favorite. You all stopped to sit at a bench, Nat smirking down at the both of you, taking off her sunglasses before resting her elbow on the back of the bench. “So. I just thought I’d bring you guys here to discuss the mission a little bit more.” You both nodded, taking another lick of your ice cream. “We leave tomorrow, come back Wednesday. It’s not a mission to be worried about, we just need to extract some information from a former HYDRA worker but now he’s selling illegal weapons in the Black Market. We need to disguise as VIP guests at a sales party and find out as much as we can about this guy to track down all his associates and shut down his business. Nothing much, we’ll get it done.” She smiled. You nodded, a little more relieved about the situation. 

“So, if something goes wrong and they find out who you are?” You lead, looking up at her. She smirks, giving you a sure look. 

“That’s not gonna happen.” She soothed. You smiled and sat back, satisfied with the answer. Nat was, well, she was Black Widow. A spy. She knew what she was doing. That’s why she was in charge of this mission. 

----

You were now home and chilling on the couch with Peter and Vision was in the kitchen attempting to make Wanda something. After a while of you and Peter cracking jokes about characters on the tv, Vision got curious as to all the slang you both were using. 

“Oh my god, look at that man!” You gushed dramatically, pointing to some guy on tv that was standing at an angle that showed his profile. “The booty do be thicc tho.” You smirked, looking at Peter with an impressed expression. Peter laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Chile, anyways, so..” He chuckled. You smiled and both continued to reference memes and slang, only confusing Vision more. 

“He really is flexing on us with those abs.”

“I bet you’re salty right now cause you don’t have a butt as thick as him.”

“I’m really bout to clap you for that comment.”

“I’m just spilling the tea, sis.”

“Children, may I ask what those things mean?” Vision asked from his place in the kitchen, catching you and Peter’s attention. 

“What what means?” You asked. Vision came closer into the living room and clasped his hands together politely.

“Those... words you were using a second ago. Thick, and... tea, and flexing. What do those mean?” 

You and Peter looked at each other, smirking widely at the exact same time. “Come, sit with us Vision.” You said in a dramatically polite way, motioning towards the couch and crossing your legs. “We shall teach you what we know.” 

----

You and Peter were snickering in your room, laughing at how funny it was to see Vision so confused. You both had finally gotten him to understand all the references, memes, and quotes you two were using, and encouraged him to use them in his daily routine. At that moment, Wanda came in your room with her arms crossed. 

“What did you guys do to Vision?” She asked accusingly. You pursed your lips, trying to keep yourself from smiling. She caught this and narrowed her eyes at you before coming closer. “Were you guys messing with Vision? He’s been using all of these analogies and words I only hear you two use. What did you do?” She asks again, this time poking your side as a warning. 

You flinched and held in a giggle, covering your side. “N-Nothing.” You said nervously. She gave you a look that confirmed she didn’t believe it and fluttered her fingers around your neck. “Ack!” You squeaked, scrunching up your shoulders and giggling as her long fingers raked around your neck and collarbone. “Nohohoho!” 

She smirked and slithered her fingers into your ribs, digging in the spaces. “Were you guys messing with him? You know that’s not nice; it’s not his fault he doesn’t understand teenage slang.” She sang, smiling wider when your giggles turned desperate and you fell back on the bed. She took that opportunity to get your belly, that was now exposed by your shirt riding up. Her tickles were gentle, but they tickled like crazy, especially on your belly. You squealed when she traced her nails along your waistline, kicking your legs out.

“okahahahay! ihihim sohohohorry!” You pleaded. Peter had gotten out of the way, giggling at you from a distance. 

“Is that a real, honest apology, or just a ticket to get me to stop.” She chuckled, pausing her attack to let you speak. 

“Yehehes, I’m sohohorry for picking on your manz.” You panted. Peter chuckled and Wanda rolled her eyes, standing back. You giggled as you watched her carefully, to make sure she wasn’t going to tickle you again. “But he did catch up pretty fast though, you gotta give him that.” You chirped, shrugging an arm. Wanda scoffed and turned around to leave. 

“Leave Vision alone.” She warned before closing the door. You sighed in relief and laid back on your bed. Peter also sat back down once the coast was clear and you both resumed your hilarious conversation about Vision.

---- 

After dinner and helping the team clean up, you and Peter decided to jump in the pool for a bit and swim. You couldn’t be there too late though, because tomorrow was Monday and you had school. Also, you had to get up extra early because you wanted to see Bucky, Nat and Wanda off for their mission. Nonetheless, you and Peter were going to have a sleepover in your room. You usually have one every weekend but since you didn’t have one Friday night, you weren’t gonna break tradition.

You and Peter were splashing each other, laughing freely and flinching as water hit your faces. The sun was going down so it was getting cooler, making the water more refreshing to be in. Tony came out into the yard with some popsicles in his hands, standing at the edge of the pool. “Want some?” 

Peter gasped, quickly swimming towards the edge to get his popsicle, you following close behind. “Thanks Tony!” You both smiled. Tony hummed and nodded, going back inside. You sat at the stairs of the pool while Peter stood at the shallow end. After you had finished, you both swam for about 10 more minutes before drying up and going inside. 

----

You both showered and got into your PJs before meeting in your room. You brought lots of snacks from downstairs and you were watching a movie on your bed. It was about 9:30 now, and the movie was almost finished. Almost all of your snacks were done and now you were just laying there, hugging your pillow and laying on your side, facing the tv. 

“Do you think I’ll get chest hair soon?” Peter asked out of nowhere. You spluttered, looking over at him with a brow raised. You decided to mess with him a bit, like you love to do.

“Ay ay ay, Peter, chest hair grows when you become a man.” You smirked. Peter gave you a wary look but you decided to keep going. “Even I have my chest hairs, where are yours?” You teased, poking around his chest. Peter sucked his teeth before grabbing the pillow behind his head and whacking you with it.

You gasped and let out shocked laughter, deciding it was time to fight. “Okay..” You slowly got up, standing in the mattress and puffing your chest out. “You wanna fight, bro?!” You asked. Peter instantly got up, copying your stance and beating his chest once.

“Bring it on, giggles! you know I’ll win anyway!” He sang. You felt your face heat up and growled, commencing the fight. You grabbed his shoulders, pushing down to try to bring him down to the ground but he swiped his legs under you, letting you fall on your back. You immediately start to giggle, just like he knew you would, and shook his head with a smile. 

You stood up and grabbed him in a headlock, moving your leg behind him and kicking behind his knee to take him down. It finally worked and you both fell on the bed, you landing on top of him. Peter chortled and wrapped his arms and legs around you like a koala, and held your back to his chest. You grunted and fought against it, launching yourself forward with force to try to break his grip. However, your attempts were short lived when he began to rapidly pinch your sides, up and down. You yelped and let out surprised laughter. 

“Nohoho! Peter stohohop, no tihihickling!” You cried. Peter laughed and flipped you over, now straddling you. You pushed at his knees to get him off but he quickly stopped it by slipping his hands under your arms. With a loud squeal, you brought your arms to your sides and threw your head back in ticklish agony. “Crahahahap!” 

Peter giggled along with you and tased his fingers in the middle of your belly, eliciting your loud belly laughter. You arched your back and pushed at his hands. You were able to grab them and you held them tight in your hands. Peter paused, letting you think you had a chance to keep him at bay. “I told you I’d win, giggles.”

“Thihihis isn’t fahahair!” You cried, keeping his hands away. Peter raised his brows and looked at you in mock concern. 

“Oh, really? You don’t say.” He gasped before ripping his hands out of your grip and tickled your hips, causing you to convulse under him. You let out squeaky laughter, making Peter chuckle at you. 

“NOHOHOOO!” You howl, slowly dissolving into silent laughter, trying to turn on your belly. Peter snickered and blew a quick raspberry on your neck, right under your jaw line. You screamed, recoiling and slapping at his face and chest. Peter sat back with an eyebrow raised and his mouth open slightly with a smirk. 

“Are you slapping me? Do I need to web your arms down so I can finish up here?” He teased. You immediately howled out apologies.

“NOHOHO I’M SOHOHORRY!” You said, shaking your head. Peter gave you a smug look and lifted your shirt, before grabbing your sides to hold you steady. You threw your head back in defeat, knowing what he was about to do but giggled nervously nonetheless. There was no use trying to talk him out of it. 

You shrieked, your laughter going silent and pushed at his head desperately when you felt him blow the raspberry on your belly button. You were literally just a puddle of uncontrollable giggles when he sat back, watching you with a satisfied smile. “There. I have created a masterpiece!” He gushed, putting his hands on your belly and shaking it furiously, forcing a another bubbly stream of giggles. “An adorable, giggly masterpiece! Muah!” He said, making a chefs kiss before getting off you. 

You turned on your side as soon as his weight was off you and curled into a ball, still letting out residual giggles. “Whyhyhy do you lohohove to torture mehehe.” You said, not really expecting an answer. Peter chuckled and shrugged nonchalantly. 

“Mmm, cause it’s fun!” He smirked. You rolled your eyes and snuggled up in bed, pulling up the covers. After making small talk with him and laughing about different things Flash has attempted to humiliate Peter with, Steve knocked on the door before coming in to check on you guys before going to bed himself. “Hey you guys alright?” 

“Yeah, we’re good.” You chirped, Peter nodding beside you. 

“Alright, well, you guys should get some sleep. You’ve got school tomorrow. Tv off.’“ He hummed, nodding towards the tv. You smirk and roll your eyes playfully.

“Sure, dad.” You quipped, making him tilt his head and give you a pointed glare. 

“Lay off the attitude, will ya? Goodnight.” He shakes his head, closing the door behind him. You smile widely, the both of you bidding him goodnight and get the remote to turn off the tv. You and Peter get comfortable and continue your conversation in the dark, not even noticing that you both fell asleep in the middle of your sentences. 

[dagcutie]

Any new updates on timothee guy? Has he learned how to kiss yet😂

omg omg the timothée guy hxhdjdjdbfbbd it’s a long story

so here is a very embarrassing journey of me not knowing how to text someone normally :

so he texted me (on snapchat) sunday and i was so nervous that i took 3 hours to open lmaoo but i ended up replying and he replied back in 20 mins but again i couldn’t open his message jfjdjdjdbdb so he sent me another pic during the evening and i ended up only replying at 1:30am lol and i gave him a stupid excuse for why i took so long to reply. then ofc he saw the answer monday morning (at 8h) and he sent me a pic telling me we should see each other again and ofc i still couldn’t open so i ended up opening the pic only at 16h🙃 and i freaked out and never replied lol but i felt bad all week bc he was nice and he was probably thinking i was ghosting him when in reality i was just extremely nervous and too insecure to talk to him so i spent tuesday wednesday and thursday trying to convince myself to send him a message and apologize but he ended up texting first on tursday night (i would have never put that much effort into myself omg but listen he was determined) ofc again i procrastinated replying but i prepared a very nice message where i was being honest and telling him that it made me nervous and too stressed and that’s why i was very bad at replying blabla and also that my exams were coming soon so it was a very bad timing and i planned on sending this on friday morning but then friday when i opened his text on snapchat i saw that he deleted it jdhdbdbdbdbdb lmaooo (i did saw what i sent bc i swiped just enough to see you know the technique lol) anyways so yeah i was feeling really stupid at that moment and i was like "oh ok it’s entirely my fault tbh i should have replied earlier maybe another time with someone else" like i was ready to give up but then i told my friend and she forced me to text him back to ask him what he sent and why he deleted the message and he sent me an audio telling me that he freaked out and didn’t want to be seen as too insistent or something (😭) so i felt even more bad lmaooo so then i finally sent him the message of me being honest and explaining why i took so long to answer and he sent a pic back telling that it was okay i didn’t have to be nervous and that i should be focusing on my exams that are coming soon and that we will see each other later when i will be more available and not during exam period. after that we FINALLY had a small normal conversation lol but he was at a party with friends so it didn’t last long and today we haven’t talk so lol

so yeah this is not very interesting if you read and went through everything congratulations bc i wouldn’t have lol. also i don’t really think this is leading somewhere bc i could never see myself go on a date if i even struggle just to reply to his messages…… if we talk more during christmas break then maybe i will see if i’m ready but yeah this is not really encouraging lol i feel like im gonna stay single my entire life bc im incapable of normal human interactions… now i really understand the "you have to love yourself before you let someone love you" (or whatever is the saying) bc the whole problem is that im too insecure to believe he is really interested 🙃

[gallavictorious]

It's such a weird thing to do tho - go gay friends hunting. "Imma be friends with you, but only if you're gay!" Mickey would find that ridiculous, lol. But I'd find it hilarious if Mickey actually made friends with some gay dudes while Ian ended up disappointed because they don't "do it" for him. ;)

While I agree that the sole fact of a shared sexuality isn’t necessarily very much to build a friendship upon, I don’t find it all that strange that gay people living in a heteronormative society would want gay friends: as long as not being straight is perceived as setting you apart and marking you as ‘other’, finding a group and a space in which you are the norm can be quite important. In a world of perfect sexual equality, seeking out specifically gay friends might be weird; in the world we live in, not so much.

However, not every gay person will think having specifically gay friends is important or desirable, and my instinct would be to agree with you on Mickey finding the notion ridiculous. I'd be a little surprised if going friend shopping is his idea, unless something happens to prompt this sudden wish, but who knows? He might surprise us!

No matter who suggests it, though, I'd love for Mickey to find some friends who will adore him because everyone should love him always (even if I tend to think that Mickey isn't only pretty unconcerned about having gay friends but having friends in general)! But to be honest, I'm not sold on the notion of Ian ending up disappointed because he's had a lot of disappointment to deal with already. Yes, he's married to the love of his life and that's not nothing, but it's also not a cure all and I think out boy's been struggling quite a bit lately. Him having some fun wouldn't be so bad, would it?

Still, I could kind of see them getting to whatever LGTB+ space they've chosen and Mickey's still not convinced of this idea, but Ian's excited, all ”c'mon, Mick, it'll be fun, there's gotta be some interesting people here!”

Eyeing the partying crowd with characteristic skepticsm Mickey mutters something about only seeing a bunch of [semi-offensive adjective] [slur] and not knowing why they're even doing this because there's no way they're going to meet anyone even remotly fun here.

Ian shrugs, deliberatedly. ”Well, I mean, you probably won't.”

”The fuck's that supposed to mean?”

”Just saying, you're not exactly a people person.”

”Not a– ! Fuck you, I can be a people person. But in case you haven't noticed, most people are fucking morons. Not worth my goddamned time.”

”Uh-huh.”

Ian's smiling and looking condescending as fuck and maybe Mickey wants to punch him a little, but he doesn't, he takes an aggressive sip of his beer instead, and he's never been good at backing down from a challenge, not even when he knows what Ian is doing, so obviously the whole thing escalates into our favourite husbands heading off to see who can find the most and the best friends before the night is through.

And you know, Mickey isn't wrong about how he can (fake) be(ing) a people person if he's properly motivated and right now he's motivated as hell, so in the end he presents Ian with no less than half a dozen people that he persistently claims are real fucking funny, just great guys, you know, wouldn't mind hanging out with them for the rest of my life.

He's lying through his teeth; he doesn't give a rat's ass about any of these dudes (well, two of the dudes are actually chicks, but whatever, he ain't got nothing against women as long as he doesn't have to fuck them), but whatever it takes to stick it to Ian, right, and of course they should all meet up again for a beer on Wednesday, that sounds super fun, doesn't that sound super fun, Ian?

And they do meet up (somehow... let's not question the corona of it, okay?) and it turns out that these random people ain't actually so bad? Hell of a lot better thant he three potential friends Ian's managed to scrounge up, anyway; that trio quickly reveal themselves to be self-important and boring assholes. Ian readily admits as much and admits defeat – but he's not actually very disappointed about it, because the end result is still them having six gay friends to hang out with. (And part of Mickey will forever wonder if Ian didn't plan it like this, right from the start... but so fucking what if he did, it was still Mickey who charmed them.)

How about it, nonnie? Everybody wins? Acceptable?