#also I have only been to the grocery store once (by myself) during the pandemic and it was literally on Sunday

[zscribez]

Talk about..... 16: ...the best party you’ve ever been to! and 26: ... things you do when you're sick!

16 Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

oh boy best party I've ever been to... a couple comes to mind. I definitely only really experienced a proper party when I started living in Vancouver from 2018-2020, it felt like i was in a college film, especially with the red solo cups since i've only ever seen them in films lol

a few parties coming to mind are my friend's birthday party at her place in like 2019, the parties during the student newspaper annual retreat on a remote island off the coast of BC (also in 2019), and the little parties I'd have with my roommates in 2020

so at my friend's birthday party, a couple of mutual friends were also there, one of them being one of my best friends to this day that I still keep in contact with. it was a little overwhelming so i didn't meet too many new people that night, but i did end up striking an extremely long conversation with someone i knew in passing from the dorm musical production that i actually met the birthday friend through. it really felt like my first proper college party and it was a nice time. i did get way too high towards the end of the night tho since i was both smoking joints and took an edible halfway through, i went back with my best friend and i was so paranoid about not being able to make it back to my place lmao

now for the student newspaper retreat, they had this thing where they would skip class on friday and basically fuck off to a remote island off the coast of BC for the weekend and we all stayed in this one house that was very remote with the nearest grocery store being a car ride away on the island. i was also dealing with a very serious crush on a coworker who was also on this trip at the time, so i was kinda suffering a bit as well. i slept on the couch in the house. anyway, we mostly chilled during the day, but we partied hard at night. now i didn't really drink so i was probably one of the very few people to stay sober (edit: ok i wasn't totally sober, i got high instead lol), while everyone else got really drunk. i played games, we all fucked around, someone did pass out. it definitely felt like i was in a college film. i think the enjoyment i got from this was kinda feeling like an anthropologist just being intrigued by witnessing an actual north american style rager, all of the tropes were there basically

now the little parties with my roommates in 2020 are my actual favourites, im still extremely close friends with one of the roommates to this day and i consider them a platonic soulmate. now the parties were smaller since it was during the pandemic so it was roommates only, but those were the parties that i actually enjoyed myself and didn't feel self-conscious about and didn't feel like an observer. we played board games, video games in the basement, i had a charcuterie board for the first time, we celebrated halloween together, we made apple pie once and my friend taught me how to dance in the kitchen. we'd also get high. these are the parties that i still think about fondly and would never want to forget

26 Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

well when im sick, i usually lay in bed a lot. i'd probably also have a soup or porridge of some kind as well. i also drink a lot of fluids. i don't do much tbh lol other than rest a lot and maybe watch stuff when im not sleeping

[talk about ask game]

[freeadmission]

Service.

I started working in the service industry during the pandemic. I needed to because I had to stay afloat and a friend of mine got me a job at a local hotel restaurant as a host. The job was a few blocks from my house and lasted for a year. I wanted to move on from Hosting to being a server but there was just no room for me there.

(I have learned more about myself and people working in the service industry than I ever have at school or in any kind of relationship I have had. This is not a negative thing by any means, it is very positive because what I learned helped me learn more about myself and how my actions affect others.)

So on I went and got another gig, at the encouragement of my boss. He gave me a glowing reference and I stayed at the next gig for 6 months working as a server/hostess and sometimes bartender until they went to counter service and laid off their entire waitstaff and trimmed their kitchen too. A decision they made to be able to keep the restaurant alive during very trying times after the government subsidy ran out.

From this gig I went back to another hotel, further from home, one with a long history, training manuals and a lot to remember and facilitate as a host. I work there 3-4 days a week and usually work in the studio 1 day a week and carry my camera and shoot on the street the rest of the time. I keep a sketchbook at home for evenings when I keep my continuous line drawing practice going. I buy sketchbooks from the dollar store and pencils and pens there too. Lately, I have been picking up some groceries there too.

Before the pandemic, I was keeping my creative pursuits afloat by working as a photographer’s assistant. I had my name on a couple of large rental houses in town and I would get gigs when photographers came to town and needed a hand. There is a small group of really great assistants here in Vancouver and I was really lucky to work with a lot of them over the few years I did it full-time. It also taught me a lot.

Some people assume a lot about my life but the truth is I have always kept a job that has supported my creative pursuits. A job that has covered all of my monthly bills and enabled me to focus on creating commercial photo work and mural work. The goal is to not need the serving gigs anymore and make my entire income from my photography and mural work. I choose not to assist anymore and focus on my goal of working commercially, the service jobs keep me afloat so I can keep this goal in mind. It’s my focus.

I submit to Vogue every week, stay up late every Sunday evening or set an alarm to submit at 11:01 pm. I do not get paid by Vogue, it is an open submission and I have only been accepted a few times in 2022. I am hoping for more before the year ends. I will keep trying, keep shooting and keep submitting, it is an evolving practice for me and so far I have 12 images published with them and I like that feather in my cap.

I live lean, don’t own a car, and don’t have any real vices except thrift shopping and often I don’t spend on that because the amount of clothing I find makes up for what I would have spent in a thrift shop. Even when I do go and decide to spend money on items I am very discerning about what I decide to purchase and at what price point. I take the bus, and EVO’s around town or ride my bicycle or walk. I take books out of the library and often shop from the day-old produce bin at Kins. The lady knows me there and knows she has been keeping me in smoothies for years. Old fruit blends great and tastes great too.

I took a spot in a shared studio space in January and when the rent went up an extra $100 a couple of months ago I offered to clean it once a month instead of paying the increase and that offer was welcomed. It takes about 3 hours to clean it from stem to stern but I like doing it, it gives me more of a feeling of belonging there. We are a community of artists in the space who all support each other and I really love being a part of it.

I don’t believe in being taken care of, even when I am in a long-term relationship the costs get split, dinners, entertainment, groceries, rent, and travel, split. I don’t believe in someone taking on the bulk of the cost of a partnership because of said partnership. If there is a large skew in earnings then we have figured out what the equal cost is and kept that as a guide until things changed because sometimes they do.

All of this is to say that I work hard to support my creativity and passion and saving money is something I do so that I can travel and take my camera and sketchbook to different parts of the world.

I thought it would be good to share something personal here on the blog. Each week I think about what I am going to say and sometimes the posts write themselves because I have a lot going on and sometimes it’s a grind to keep these balls in the air this week I just wanted to share how that juggling happens.

[jennifermeyering]

Household Tasks that are Outsourced - Over my 10+ years as a stay-at-home mom, then turned working-from-home mom, I've discovered a bunch of household tasks that I can outsource to help give myself a little more time back into my days. Outsourcing household tasks has also become so much easier over the years with newer technologies and, unfortunately but also fortunately, the stay-at-home orders from the pandemic. This has become something that I have unknowingly implemented over time in an effort to save my sanity having to wrangle kids for errand running. Which is just a win in my book. Here's a list of all the household tasks that I outsource: Buying Pet Food & Supplies When we got the new puppies last Christmas, I knew I didn't want to have to be constantly running to get toys and food for them. I immediately setup a recurring Chewy order of food for them that is delivered automatically every 8 weeks. Then if there is anything else I want to get them, I just shop for it and add it to the next auto order and it's delivered with the food. I purchased their crates, toys, bedding, and everything else from an app on my phone and just set it up for auto delivery. Grocery Shopping (Pickup & Delivery) I have never been a fan of grocery shopping. I make a list, go get the list, and come home. However, my husband loves grocery shopping. He'll go to the grocery store and browse the aisles like women go clothes shopping… haha! But… he doesn't go grocery shopping all that often so I'm still in charge of most of the food for the family. We signed up for a Walmart Plus membership recently and I love it. I get all my groceries delivered for free or I'll schedule it for pickup. We also do pickup from our local Kroger and Tom Thumb when we need specialty items that Walmart doesn't have. Now I just need Costco to do pickup or delivery and we'll be golden! Taking Clothes to the Cleaners When I redid my closet last year, I decided to build in an AirDresser. My husband wears lots of dress clothes and the dry cleaning bill just seemed to keep getting larger and larger. Once I bought the AirDresser, our dry cleaning bill is basically nonexistent and my husband has fresh clean clothes right after he wears them instead of waiting weeks or months to get them back (depending on how long it takes me to drop them off and pick them up… haha). He just pops his suit in and steams it as soon as he's done wearing it. Deep Cleaning As a busy, working household, we are juggling a lot of things during the weeks. Which makes the weekends usually the only time I have to get the house cleaned. However, it's also the time when I don't want to clean my house because it's my weekend too and I don't want to spend all weekend cleaning. Quite a few years ago we invested in house cleaning and have had a house keeper ever since. They are amazing and come every other week to keep my floors and toilets shiny. They also do all the other deep cleaning things that I don't love to do like the baseboards, blinds, dusting, etc. Lawncare & Maintenance Texas summers are hot and for the first year we lived here I mowed our lawn every other week. It was brutal. After that first summer of doing it all myself I decided to hire this out as well. It used to take me a good hour plus to mow our lawn and the guys get it done in less than 30 minutes. Plus, now it's a chore that I don't dread coming up every week anymore. Taxes & Wealth Management I had done our taxes for years trying to save some money but after our financial goals changed we needed someone to help guide us. Now we have a team of people that help guide us toward a (hopefully) wealthy future and also do our taxes for us at the end of the year. They're able to make money for us while we're also making money for us. Paying Bills Every single one of my bills is on autopay. Some places give you a discount for enrolling in auto pay but it also makes sure that you're never late on your monthly bills. We still make a budget every month so we know how much money to put towards those bills and then they're paid automatically. This frees up so much time during the week trying to organize and pay all the bills. https://jennifermeyering.com/household-tasks-that-are-outsourced/

[measuringlife]

My mom fell again and this time broke her femur. And just like that I am teleported to August 2019 when she fell down the stairs and broke her hip. Her 2019 fall set off a dramatic chain reaction of us deciding to sell her house, move her to independent senior living near me in VA, and having her dog Louie join the #GreenmontCourt gang.

There was no instruction manual for any of this, nor did any of us know that a pandemic was just a few short months away.

Between August 2019 and October 2019 I handled immediate needs when it came to my mom - like making a will (which she has told me she had done, only for me to find a draft that was not signed), power of attorney, banking needs, car drama, searching on her behalf for a senior community, and beginning the long processes of emptying out 40 years of stuff in my childhood home.

We moved my mom down in October 2019 and it was a bumpy transition for her to say the least. However by the start of 2020 we all were finding a bit of a groove. I took my mom grocery shopping and to lunch every 2-3 weeks, Tim & I ate at her senior living dining room once - in fact I think that was the last time I saw her before COVID.

Spring Break 2020 was spent in New York making the final push to empty my moms house after multiple weekends doing it between August and December 2019. We had a realtor and were ready to list. Nothing like putting a house on the market in the early days of the pandemic. We finally got it sold in October 2020 (although if we would have waiting a year I’m curious what we could have gotten for it - but I also didn’t want to be responsible for an old empty house 250 miles away either).

During the first 6 months of the pandemic no guests were allowed in my mom’s senior living community. So I’d drop groceries at the luggage cart in the lobby to be brought up and then go around back and talk with her while she was out on the balcony a few floors up. For many of these months I know my mom also wasn’t able to spend much time out of her room. I was worried about all the sitting she’d been doing. No wandering the halls, or trips to the dining room, or mailbox.

In October 2020, I was finally able to visit in her apartment. I can’t recall if her walking was noticeably worse. Considering the last time I had stood in a room with her was 8 months earlier and she was still just 6 months post hip replacement surgery then.

For the next year and a half my mom didn’t leave her senior community except for me to take her to a few eye doctor appointments and I “dragged” her to Thanksgiving at my house in 2021. Her walking and balance was definitely worse. I tried to express my concerns about her sedentary ways and encouraged her to walk even just the halls of the building or really slow on a treadmill holding the rails in the fitness center where she lived.

Finally in March of this year I coaxed her into coming to CVS with me to get her prescription after a doctors appointment. Then in April I got her to come with me to do her own grocery shopping. She successfully made it through the store but then felt dizzy and tired when we went to wait in line so I got her to the car and then went back in myself to check out.

The past month since that day I had tried to get her to come back out to shop or eat but she was “sick” canceling on me both times which resulted in me having to do her shopping and dropping it to her while she laid in bed.

This past Sunday was the last time I had seen m her. She had fallen earlier in the week right after getting her 4th booster shot. This fall shook her up, but she was in the lobby area and staff were there. I knew she was sore so I did her grocery shopping and came up to her apartment to visit with her. She was using her cane which she’d had gotten into the habit of using the past few months. I was glad she was using it, but also sad to see she had regressed to needing it.

Sunday night she fell in her bathroom and that’s the fall that broke her femur. She got taken to the hospital Monday morning (she did not call for help until then because she didn’t want to go to the hospital “at night.”) she spent most of Monday in the ER and then was brought up to a room Monday night. Tuesday she had her surgery and they put a metal plate in her leg. I got to visit with her Tuesday evening and have talked to her 2-3x a day since Monday.

Today she is getting discharged and moved to a nearby rehab which she will be for at least 2 weeks. I’ll be visiting her today and bringing by stuff from her apartment. I’ve been trying to give her straight talking pep talks about how she needs to take this physical therapy seriously and to keep it up once she gets home.

I’m sure it’s been hard to lose a lot of her independence over the last few years - although she’s also made a lot of choices to not use the independence she has had. It’s been an adjustment to move from a house to senior independent apartment living and no longer driving (although she’s done very little of it even the 3-4 years before her move). However walking is an incredibly important freedom and I really hope she can fight for it. Her quality of life will change dramatically if she doesn’t.

We witnessed my grandmother (my mother’s mom) go through a series of falls and rehab that she was never committed to doing the work for recover. Finally after fall 3 or 4 she ended up wheelchair bound for the last ~8 years of her life. For reference this all happened in my grandmother’s late 70s-early 80s (she died at 90), but keep in mind my mom will be just 71 this October and this whole mess started 2 months before her 68th birthday.

It’s crazy to think about how YOUNG she is (and how “young” I am to be dealing with all of this). While I do think my mom is a weak person in many senses of the word. It’s also striking to see how quickly she lost herself after she retired at 65. Now granted her mental health took a turn for the worse around that same time too which ultimately led to her retirement.

It just makes me sad that my mom’s mantra since as early as I can remember has been “life sucks and then you die.” Yet here I have been watching all these decades her leaning into the suck. Not ever trying for happy or better. She is one of the most frustrating people I know and keeping my boundaries when it comes to her is so important for my own sanity.

When she is in distress like this (and back in 2019) my boundaries aren’t as firm. For example calling to check in 2-3 times a day. I want to because there is a lot going on and changing, but she zaps my energy and works my never most times.

I know we are a few weeks away from me being able to get back to weekly check ins and seeing her every 2-3 weeks. But even that frequency has been a lot these past few years considering only I saw her 2-3 times a year for most of the 10 years prior.

There’s no bow on this story, it’s still unfolding, but I wanted to put down some thoughts.

[lonelyreputation]

The List

A/N: Happy afternoon/evening/morning to wherever you find yourself on this planet! I had planned on posting this ~next week, but I’m trying to be better at posting fics sooner instead of having them sit in my docs for like 2 weeks after I finish sdljfk so here’s this one! I also can’t find the original request or else I would link it, but below is a summary! And it’s allllll fluff ! 

Thanks a million for all your support!! 💖💫 I really appreciate every reader, every like, every reblog, and every reply that I’ve ever received 🥺 It really makes my heart melt lsdjflk

Also, as I’m sure most of you are aware, there was a devastating   explosion in Beirut, Lebanon on Tuesday that killed hundreds and injured thousands. Here’s a really informational text post explaining the explosion with additional resources to help. And if you have the means, here is the link to donate to the Lebanese Red Cross.

REQUEST: Going grocery shopping with your husband Shawn during corona and running into fans 

Let’s Chat!! | MASTERLIST

Warnings: Coronavirus (please remember to wear your masks!!!)

Word Count: 2.3K

“Do you have the list?” You mumbled through your mask.

Shawn shut the driver’s side door close as he slipped the elastic strings of his mask around his ears, “I thought you had it?”

You looked at him in disbelief as the two of you walked toward the front of the grocery store, “You said and I quote,”  you cleared your throat to lower your voice, “Of course, I have the list Y/n, I’m not irresponsible.”

He rolled his eyes at the glare you sent him as he took out a clorox wipe from a ziplock bag to wipe down the handle of the shopping cart before he put his hands on it, “Tomato tomahto.”

“Shawn, we’re in the middle of a pandemic,” you glared at him again as the two of you entered through the automatic doors, “We need specific things and can’t keep running back and forth to the store.”

“I––Yeah, you’re right, sorry.”

For a second you forgot you were wearing a mask, so you just smiled at him as a response. But when you realized that all he could see were the crinkles at the corner of your eyes, you patted his bicep, “It’s alright, let’s just get what we need and then leave.”

Shawn nodded as he pushed the cart over toward the produce section.  You picked out some lettuce, peppers, apples, and other assortments of fruits and vegetables.  As you were tying a knot around a plastic bag you had put asparagus in, Shawn’s voice caused your head to turn his way.

“How do you pick out an avocado?”

“How do you––What?”

Shawn stared down at the avocados, eyebrows pulled together as he scratched his chin, “Like, I know there’s something about the color and feel of it, but I don’t wanna touch them and then put them back.”

He had a point, you thought.  There was a fear factor about touching a piece of fruit––of touching anything in the grocery store––and putting it back on the shelf that could potentially put someone at risk of getting sick.  

“I guess just grab a few?” You pulled down another plastic bag from the dispenser, wiggling your hands inside to fully open it and holding it out to Shawn, “We’ll eat the softer one’s first and just keep an eye on the rest of them.”

Shawn nodded as he picked up a few avocados and placed them in the bag you held open for him.  Once Shawn had put six avocados in the bag you gave him a look silently asking him if he really needed all of the avocados.

“I like avocado toast,” he gave you a cheeky wink, “And it’s not like we can put them back.”  

You let out an exasperated sigh, knowing full well he was grinning under his mask, as he pushed the cart forward, “What else do we need?”

“I would know if we had a list.”

“I said I was sorry!”

You tilted your head and gave him a deliberate look that showed you didn’t believe him.  You heard him let out a faux disgruntled sigh as he looked at you with nothing but love in his eyes.  Shawn continued to push the cart forward and you told him to jokingly get whatever he wanted since the list was long forgotten.

And he took your lighthearted joke to heart as the two of you went up and down the aisles.  Shawn grabbed various cereal boxes you didn’t even know he liked to eat, seven different kinds of pasta noodles––They’re on sale, Y/n––snacks ranging from potato chips to dried kale flakes, and spent more than enough time in the baking aisle.

You stood next to the cart that Shawn abandoned as you watched him walk up and down the aisle; front teeth biting down on his bottom lip in concentration as he leaned in close to the shelves with squinted eyes, reading the labels.

“You’re serious about this?” You warily looked at the way he was so concentrated.

“Of course,” he said unfazed as he turned his head over his shoulder to give you a duh look, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s just so…” Your words trailed off as he whipped his head back around and bent his knees to squint at the labels on the bottom shelf, “Unexpected.”

Shawn let out a little triumphant ah ha as he picked up bread flour from the bottom shelf.  He shrugged his shoulders at you as he dropped the bread flour in the cart, “Everyone seems to be making sourdough bread.”

For what felt like the millionth time since you stepped foot in the grocery store, you let out a sigh, “That doesn’t mean you should.”

Shawn glared at you, “My mom said she would FaceTime me to help.”

Your eyes crinkled as you laughed out loud and pushed the cart down to the cleaning supplies aisle.  You picked up the limit of two packs of paper towels, two packs of toilet paper, but the store was unfortunately out of clorox wipes.  

After you picked up those essential supplies, you went down to pick up some bread, eggs, and then down to the milk.  You opened the fridge door, took a gallon of milk out, but before you could fully close the door, Shawn offered up his spaced-out thoughts.

“What’s the difference between one percent and two percent milk?”

“Shawn, I don’t know,” You turned around and saw his nose an inch away from the glass of the fridge, “And get your nose away––You don’t know who’s touched that surface.”

He moved his head back, but it was still too close then what you would’ve liked, “There’s so many types of milk…And like, non-milk’s…Have you ever tried pea milk?”

You now remembered why you always left Shawn at the house when you went food shopping.

“You usually like fat-free milk in your cereal–––”

“Shawn––Are you Shawn Mendes?”

Shawn pulled his head completely away from the glass and took a few steps toward you as to put some distance between the fans and him, “Uh––Yeah––Hi, how’s it going?”

Even with their masks on, you could tell that they were trying really hard to hold in their excitement.  While the three of them looked to be various ages, you could tell that they were sisters.

“We’re so good––”

“––As good as you can be in a pandemic––”

“Are you grocery shopping?”

The last question made you laugh because if being in a grocery store wasn’t obvious enough, you also had a cart full of food.  But you knew that they really admired Shawn’s music, that they were also probably nervous, and just trying to make conversation with him.

“Yeah,” Shawn smiled at them as he gestured to you, “Y/n forgot the list though––”

“You said you had it!” You cut him off and turned your attention to the fans, “He’s always so forgetful.”

“You guys are too cute––”

“––Yeah like your wedding pictures were to die for––”

“What song did you have your first dance to?”

Like how you directed your attention to the trio of girls, the youngest of the sisters directed this question at you.  

“Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis was our first dance song,” you blushed at the memory that was just a little under a year ago, as you looked up at Shawn, who was already looking down at you with idolization shining bright his eyes for you, “He stepped on my dress a few times.”

Shawn scoffed and the idolization in his eyes turned into bewilderment, “You stepped on my shoes.”

“Tomato tomahto,” you shot his words back at him.

“That is really funny––”

“––That song is so romantic––”

“Can we get a picture?”

The two older sisters apologized and silently berated the youngest sister saying how they probably didn’t want to be bothered while out; especially in a pandemic.  But Shawn reassured her that it was fine.

“Okay, so let’s…” Shawn was trying to strategize the safest way to take a picture with fans, “Let’s do this as socially distant as possible…Hmm…Okay so how about I get behind you girls and you aim the camera up so you’re able to see me in the distance?”

They all agreed with wide eyes and vigorous nods of their head, verbalizing their gratitude toward Shawn and how he was being so compromising and careful with the current situation.  You stood by the cart as you witnessed the oldest sister stretch her arm out so she was able to get her sisters and Shawn, who was standing more than six feet behind them, all into the picture.

“I really appreciate you girls being so understanding with taking the picture and not having it be…normal.  We’ve––” Shawn gestured his hand between you and him, “––been quarantining pretty intensely, but I still don’t want to risk you all––or my wife––getting infected.”

Just like the picture, the sister’s understood his concerns.

“Really, thank you so much–––”

“––This has been the highlight of my quarantine––”

“When are you releasing new music?”

You let out a laugh that your mask, thankfully, muffled as all the sisters continued to talk over each other, but were interrupted when the youngest would blurt out a question.

Shawn’s laugh was more hearty and audible to the fans, “I’ve been writing more,” Shawn gave you a side glance, “I’ve had some good inspiration lately.”

Once they all thanked Shawn again, they were trotting off to wherever they came from.  Shawn was silent for the remaining of the shopping trip, only offering his opinion every now and then when you asked him a question.  Checking out was a breeze, and soon enough you were walking outside with the bags, placing them in the back of Shawn’s car.

The two of you opened your doors, stepped into the car, but before you buckled up, you held your hand out to Shawn who was already squeezing hand sanitizer into his hand.  You thanked him as you rubbed your hands together, the alcohol smell pungent in the car.

“Alright there?” You clicked your seatbelt in place as Shawn started the car.

He placed a hand on the back of your seat as he looked through the back windshield, “Yeah, just…It was nice seeing some fans…Almost forgot I was famous for a minute.”

“You might’ve forgotten that you’re famous, but your fans will never forget you.”

He tried to contain the growing smile by biting the corner of his bottom lip as he looked over at you.  You offered him a shining smile and with a shake of his head and a small chuckle, he placed a hand on your thigh and gave you a slight squeeze.

The rest of the ride was silent and you pulled out your phone to scroll through Twitter while Shawn sang along to the radio.  You were mindlessly scrolling, not really paying attention to your timeline, but then you saw an update account retweet the picture of Shawn at the grocery store with fans.  You clicked on the profile and saw that there was a link to the full Instagram post.

You were directed from Twitter to the Instagram app and smiled at the picture’s caption.

Ran into Y/n and Shawn Mendes at the store! They were very cute, but Shawn forgot their food list!  Y/n kept teasing him. And they were both wearing masks!  And before anyone says anything about the pic, Shawn was more than 6 ft away and stood behind us.  He also said that he and Y/n had been quarantining intensely!  We love our quarantine King and Queen Y/n and Shawn Mendes ✨ 💖💫

You decided to humor yourself and read the comments.  And while almost all of them were positive, there were still some people commenting on how they thought you and Shawn weren’t actually married and it was still just for PR.

Someone did comment: What supermarket? I’m tryna meet Shawn 👀

But the fan, the oldest sister, who you met just under an hour ago at the supermarket responded: Sorry! Not going to give out their private info just in case they live in that area!

You smiled at the thoughtfulness of her response and hearted the comment.

Before you knew it, you were back at your house washing your hands, and bringing in the grocery bags.  You unpacked the groceries one by one, putting vegetables in the fridge as Shawn put the seven different kinds of pasta away in the pantry.

You walked back to where the grocery bags were on the floor, pulling out carrots and red peppers, when you saw a corner piece of white paper slightly sticking out from the top of your husband’s back pocket.

“Shawn?” You asked cautiously, not sure if your eyes were betraying you or not.

He peeked his head over his shoulder, “Yeah?”

Your eyes drifted down to his back pocket, “What’s that?”

Shawn followed your gaze and turned his head down to his backside, with a frown on his face, as he reached a hand into his pocket.  And just as you expected, he pulled out a crumpled white piece of scrap paper, the one you knew you wrote your food list on.

His eyebrows were scrunched together, reading over the list, and then his eyes widened when he realized what he was reading.  He looked up at you with an apologetic look, “Now also wouldn’t be the time to tell you that I forgot to buy pasta sauce?”

Your shoulders fell, just as fast as your mouth, as you looked at him with wild eyes, “You bought seven different kinds of pasta and didn’t buy any sauce?!”

taglist: @fallinallincurls @alina--jpeg @adelaidestreets @5-seconds-of-mendes @particularnarry @now-that-i-saw-u @turtoix​ @shawnsmutal @vinylmendes @mendesficsxbombay @lights-on-mendes

[funkymbtifiction]

This pandemic has brought out the worst in me. My sleeping schedule is a mess (I go to sleep at 6am and wake up at 2pm), I'm barely able to get out of the bed, I can barely do the dishes and take out the trash, I spend too much time on YouTube and inside my head, thinking about all the stuff I wanted to work on but being unable to do it.

My memory has also gotten worse - if it's not something I'm not obsessed with then I'll not remember the details. I was trying to snap myself out of this hazy floating by trying to focus my mind at least on reading, which is something I absolutely love, but now I'm unable to focus even on a plot I find interesting and intriguing, my mind immediately starts to wander, or I need to do at least 2 things at once (reading and checking Reddit, or reading and listening to some ambient music). I've also started to not finish stories where I once used to read a book a day.

I know the theory of what I should be doing, but that's it. I'm unable to JUST DO it. I think my Te is trying to motivate me by trying to wake up my conscience, but it's not enough. I hate this because I know I can do things and concentrate and be responsible and productive, but because I'm fine and all my basic needs are met I don't have the need to pull myself together. I used to fuel my 7 by travelling and observing people, but now that we need to stay home, and I have covid (so my friends bring me groceries), my 9w1 core sloth is all too happy to be left alone, with my devices.

I know that this pandemic brought pandemic fatigue with it, plus it's spring and I'm always tired in spring (plus my years-long medical issues with thick blood and low blood pressure), but it's driving me crazy that I could've gotten better at my hobbies and could've reached some of my goals by now only if I DID things. Things that used to work don't help anymore. And then I don't even stay mad long because some new video distracts me.

Is there something from a mbti perspective that can help to start doing things and concentrating on them? (For context I'm an ENFP 9w1 7w6 2w3)

Also thank you so much for this blog, thank you for helping lost souls find their way and be better people, both inside their head and outside when interacting with the outer world ❤️ I haven't been studying mbti for that long but so far I've seen so much valuable information on your blog, and for free!

Are you mad enough at yourself yet to change your behavior?

That's really the bottom line here, because you KNOW that YOU have to start being responsible and doing things and not just wasting your time... but YOU are the only person who will force yourself to do things.

A couple of thoughts. First, I recognize this phenomenon / brain fog. It happened to me several times last year during the pandemic (where I am, things are opening up, so hopefully they will soon for you as well) and I hated it. My mind was unclear, I had lots of things I needed to do but could not focus on any of them. It was, to be honest, a Si grip, which yanks you out of Ne-dom (possibilities, excitement about doing projects, seeing things made real) and turns your intuition into a "fog." There's no access to Fi (do I care about this? if I care, am I a principled person enough to do it?) and no Te (how am I going to prioritize my tasks?), just Si (I'm comfy doing nothing and feeling depressed) and flits of Ne, which only show up as being bored, easily distracted, etc. So some of this is a Si grip, and some of it is general depression (being unfocused, sleeping in late, not taking care of yourself, no motivation even for things you love, unable to finish things). You need to approach it by dealing with both -- getting back into your stronger functions (Ne: envisioning possibilities and finding a purpose, Fi: drawing upon your character and who you want to be and what you care about, to take action, Te: making a plan, forcing yourself to do what needs done, and keeping track of your progress to self-motivate) -- and by recognizing and admitting that you are depressed, and asking what you can do about it.

Second, you have built up some BAD habits during the pandemic. I get it. I fell into some of this as well last autumn, when I ceased being my usual productive self and started leaving work (from home) at 3pm every day. I developed a bad habit of just watching television, which numbed my brain and ultimately bored me. It's only now that I have hope and can go to the store without a mask on that I am feeling happier (my little 7 wing rejoices and has PLANS) and can work through into the late afternoon. I'm re-establishing a schedule that is productive throughout the day instead of allowing myself to "meander" in life. So what you need to do is look at your habits. Make a list of them. Look at what you told me: basically, it is I have become undisciplined, my sleep schedule is bad, and then I wake up late and feel lazy so I don't do anything. What is ONE THING that would jolt you into a different routine? Go to bed on time. Set a time every night, shut off all your devices an hour ahead of it, read a book until you get sleepy, and go to sleep. Wake up at a decent hour. If you wake up at 7am instead of 2pm, your body won't fall into its usual "welp, afternoon is half over, guess I'll watch YouTube" habit. It will go -- wait, what new habit are we forming? Breakfast? Then work?? Okay!

Lastly, and this is HUGELY important for an ENFP -- decide the night before what you are going to accomplish or work on tomorrow. Why? It prepares your brain to know what is expected from it. Unless I do this each night, and have a notion of how I am going to spend my time, my Ne goes ?!?! and I get very little done or waste three hours trying to decide what to do. But if I say, "Okay, tomorrow I am finishing chapter four," I usually finish chapter four (and then some). Today, I have to work at my paying job. I knew this last night, so I am mentally clear and prepared to focus only on the task at hand. I don't treat today as "mine." It belongs to my employer. I know what I am going to do, I intend to do it, and when I get home, I know what else I can work on. Learn to create this habit each night before bed. Decide what tomorrow is going to be like and commit to it.

As for tasks you don't want to do that still need done -- just do them. You can spend 2 weeks avoiding them, or spend an hour and get it over with so you don't feel like crap about yourself because you have kept avoiding it for weeks. Decide, "Tomorrow, I am doing that thing first thing in the morning," and then do it.

You will find that when you start setting yourself tasks (Te) that your Ne starts working properly again -- it will become more focused, less hazy, and more interested in what you can contribute, rather than just mindless "consuming." It's fine to have a down day now and again (even so, it's also useful to have a vague idea the night before of what this day will contain, even if it's fun -- it's fun and exciting to anticipate things) but your life NEEDS structure, or you won't do anything.

I hope you can pull yourself out of this, because you won't be happy unless you do. ENFPs need to get things done, contribute, feel like they are moving forward, and have something to show for their time. Without it, they will get angry at themselves -- as you well know.

[keeptheotherone]

Mecation: Day 1 

Thursday

I once read social media described as an indulgence of the fantasy that others are interested in the details of our lives. I’m indulging in that fantasy this week by blogging about my Mecation under the guise of travel blogging ;)

If you follow me in even the most casual way, you know I’m a nurse. While I’ve enjoyed the vast majority of my 23 years as such, I don’t recommend it during a pandemic. The last 18 months have been the second-worst mental health period of my life, demoted to that position not because of the mildness of my symptoms but simply because at 15 I didn’t have the experience or perspective to realize my life was not, in fact, ruined forever.

COVID increased my personal vulnerability as a high-risk patient and made my job immensely more difficult in countless ways both small and large, but the worst part of the pandemic for me (so far) is it took away all my coping mechanisms precisely when I needed them most. Massage, pedicures, dinner out with friends, travel ... all gone practically overnight. Pre-COVID I travelled all the time--home to my parents’, long weekends by myself (Mecation!), annual visits to BFFs, conferences, tourism, the beach, my birthday, writing trips, international trips ... I always had at least one trip in the works, usually one booked and one (or more!) in the planning stages. 

When COVID started, all my close friends and family except for two lived out of state. One of those two was out of town but close enough to get together, but the other was a few hours’ drive away. I’m single and live alone; it was the most isolated I’ve ever been in my whole life. 

With my bestest friends over 500 miles away, I still feel that way sometimes. I haven’t seen them in a year. If it weren’t for COVID, it would only be 7 or 8 months (I’ve gone every January or February since ... forever). Then again, if it weren’t for COVID, I wouldn’t have been there last September; one had been hospitalized and I needed to see she was all right with my own two eyeballs. I expect it will be at least another 7 or 8 months before we get together again, bringing the total to about 20 months. One year we saw each other 5 times in 9 months, our personal best since college. 

I was alone on Christmas. Oh, I’ve spent December 25th on my own before; I’m a nurse. I’ve worked the night of the 24th or the 25th (or both), or whatever combination that didn’t leave enough time off to drive home. But I’ve never spent the Christmas season without my parents. Sometimes the week before, sometimes the week after, sometimes at my place instead of home, but always together. But last Christmas COVID was raging, the vaccines had just come out but were only available to first responders (I got mine on the 23rd), and my elderly parents didn’t feel safe to travel. So I spent Christmas without family.

Travel was not just a break from my daily routine and the stress of nursing; in many ways, the biggest benefit travel made to my mental and emotional health was giving me something to look forward to.  Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” and ohhh, I was so heartsick last year! Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t visit my best friends of almost 25 years (more than half my life!). Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t lean on my dad or be hugged by my mom. Not being able to travel--and not knowing when I could travel--left this gaping hole in my future, and I had nothing to fill it with. 

I tell you this not to throw a pity party but to explain the significance of the trip I’m on right now. It is only my third this year: my dad and I spent a week in the mountains in February (my depression and anxiety was so bad then that was treatment, not vacation), I took a friend to the beach over my birthday, and now I’m a couple hours from home at a nice spa hotel. (I’m not counting my nephew’s graduation, which was emotionally challenging for multiple reasons, or helping a friend move from Florida. Moving is never fun.)

I started planning this trip in the spring ... May, maybe? You know, after the vaccine rolled out to everyone and case counts were dropping and it looked like we were gonna lick this thing and have a quasi-normal summer by the Fourth of July (yes, I’m American. That date is a proper noun here.). I had switched jobs in November (don’t ask) and gone on mental health leave December 29th, so I felt I owed it to my unit to put in about six months of work before taking any significant time off, especially since I came back at 24 hours instead of 36. That meant September.

I knew what I wanted to do: 4 or 5 days at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean. I’d been before and loved the freedom of not worrying about every little expenditure (what can I say, I’m cheap), and a few days of Vitamin Sea sounded perfect.

Then came Delta.

All right, maybe going out of the country isn’t the best idea, I thought. Don’t want to end up with expensive reservations and then your destination closes to Americans, or you make it to your chosen island but can’t get back home. But I didn’t want to fly (ugh, airports!), I didn’t want to drive (rest stops and restaurants and gas stations), and while I thought about taking the train, it didn’t seem much of an improvement (and maybe a downgrade) on flying.

Then a friend mentioned a sleeper car, and I thought yes! That could work! I’ve never been to New England, I want to go to Boston, that area of the country has low case rates and the highest vaccination rates, this has potential! 

Then I looked at the CDC map. There were only four states that didn’t have high transmission at that time (early August, I think; I’d had to wait for confirmation that my time off had been approved): Michigan, Rhode Island, Maine, and New Hampshire. All four had substantial rates of transmission. Hardly ideal, but one thing I’ve learned this year is sometimes you have to make compromises to protect your mental health. It is true it doesn’t matter if you’re happy if you’re dead; it is also true it doesn’t matter if you’re safe if you want to kill yourself. (I’m not suicidal, I am receiving treatment, don’t anybody panic.)

So, now I’ve settled on Maine or New Hampshire by train via sleeper car (Michigan is too far for a 4-5 day trip and RI--meh). Well, as I got deeper into planning, turned out Maine or NH were awfully far too. Far enough I would have to overnight in a major city, which pretty much defeated the purpose of isolating in a sleeper car. Then I found out there were no sleeper cars on either train route.

So, now vacation is 5 weeks away and I’m back at square one. The Deep South, Texas, and Florida are imploding. Pediatric cases are rising--kids are sicker and make up a higher percentage of cases than they did last year. Scuttlebutt from my ICU colleagues is it’s bad--17/30 MICU beds are COVID and they’re all vented. SICU is being nicknamed “the ECMO unit.” The hospital has 18(!) ECMO machines and 12 are in use; the float nurse who tells us that didn’t even know we had 12 because she’s never seen that many in use at one time. Hospital-wide our numbers are equivalent to early February (we peaked in January). There were six--SIX--pediatric rapid responses in one day. 

And I’m going to travel.

It’s a big deal ... a big accomplishment, really, because of what it says about how I’m successfully managing my anxiety. April 1 was the first time I’d been inside a grocery store in more than a year ... and that wasn’t my idea. It was late April or May before I was comfortable eating in restaurants, even with the falling case count at the time. I’m still not sure if I’m managing my anxiety or reacting to the pressure by going to the opposite extreme (I have a history of that), but I know I’m less stressed, less anxious, have fewer obsessive thoughts, fewer physical symptoms, and am learning to live with this disease. 

So, here I sit at a marble-topped 5-foot-wide desk in my queen/queen hotel room at the end of a productive and enjoyable day. I slept in, completed the big goal of this weekend’s to-do list that I honestly thought would take several days, unpacked and organized my room (I arrived yesterday evening), reorganized my Favorites Bar and Bookmarks on my Mac, had an 80-minute aromatherapy massage, enjoyed a shower in the spa afterwards and even blow-dried my hair(!) before wandering around for a while to get the lay of the land and get some steps in (this place is huge!). Then I changed clothes and took myself out to dinner for my favorite food, Italian. 

That’s me in the picture up top, all dressed up :) Actually, I probably look pretty normal to y’all; like most people with depression, my personal hygiene sunk to new lows in the last year and a half, and as a low-maintenance person to begin with, that’s saying a lot. I bought that necklace as a bridesmaid and am not sure I’ve worn it since; this spring was her 10th anniversary. Yesterday I took out the cat-shaped earrings Dad gave me for Christmas. (Yes, they were gross. Yes, I cleaned them. Yes, I’m wearing them again now.) Just wearing a nice top, fixing my hair (no ponytail or claw-clip bun, my staples), and adding jewelry was a big deal ... especially since “no one” was going to see me. I did it just for me, to make myself feel good. And I did. (That’s another small pleasure COVID took away from me--lip gloss. If I wore any makeup at all, it was lipstick or gloss. Utterly pointless when you’re masked whenever you’re in public.)

I took my laptop to dinner and edited a couple chapters of my new Charlie/Amy fic (previewed during #ktoo turns 10), ran a couple errands, and headed back to the hotel since I don’t like to be out late by myself in an unfamiliar city. Forgot I put my receipt envelope in the backseat pocket and reorganized the glove compartment looking for it, then gathered a bunch of returns into a bag in the trunk. Hung out writing in the lobby until my Mac threatened to die, came upstairs and tidied up, put on my jammies, and talked to you guys :) 

[jackie5656]

🎄Fa-la-la-late🎄 With; Diego Hargreeves

A/N:Ummmm...hello? First off, thank you all so much for the love on my last couple imagines. Sorry for the hiatus, what can I say junior year is as hard as they say it is. Anyway, I was supposed to be sleeping last night but I was writing this instead. Leave it to me to become inspired at the worst times. This is for everyone celebrating a holiday this year without your family because of the pandemic (which is still a thing btw.) Also, this is very long but I love it. Okay enough talking, enjoy!

TW: None except...Well, Klaus is Klaus. And more random POV change bc I can!

He’s running, sprinting really, brown bag tucked haphazardly under his arm as it’s contents jostle around inside with his movements. Filled with last minute groceries for the evenings event. Never in Diego Hargreeves’ life had he thought he’d be rushing home in preparations for a Christmas party, in a red sweater for that matter. But what can he say, a year into his relationship with her and he’s officially whipped. Ever since the two of you met you had introduced him to an enormity of things he’d never considered important. Whether it be birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, you’ve added so much more to him that he could never really repay you for. So, he figures making a very last minute trip to the ever so crowded grocery store on Christmas Eve is worth it. Having to deal with other crazed and unprepared city people for three types of cheeses, four types of crackers, and a particularly expensive bottle of wine.

Apparently a Christmas party, or any get together for that matter, is simply incomplete without an assortment of appetizers. Right, Diego Hargreeves hosting a Christmas party for his siblings. The same ones who only learned about holidays in their World Culture textbooks during hours sectioned off on their daily regimen instead of actually celebrating them. The biting cold reminds him of the lonely Christmas’ throughout his life, which was at the time any other day of the year to him. He snaps out of the dark thoughts when he realizes he’s made it up the stairs and to the front door, a chorus of clanging pots and curses coming from inside.

He fumbles through the door, reminding himself he’s supposed to be rushing, but the beautifully decorated apartment distracts him from the task at hand. The warm feeling he’s still getting used to fluttering through his stomach as he recalls when you first surprised him with the holiday decor.

“It’s not too much, right? I know you never really celebrated Christmas, and neither of us are religious but my family always made the holidays a big deal and I thought-”

“You did all this?” His brown eyes are wide, gazing up at the assortment of twinkling lights aligning the interior of your shared home, a beautiful tree full of red and green ornaments in the middle of your living room. It’s stunning, to say the least, and Diego’s sure he’s never felt so much at home as he does now.

You’re gazing up at him, eyes nervously darting between your boyfriend and the assortment of ornaments. He walks forward from the entryway to admire the garland above the fireplace and the evergreen that just barely scruffs the top of the ceiling. It’s all new to him, and a bit overwhelming, and suddenly Diego realizes the resentment he’s held toward the holiday ever since he was a child was completely misguided. Because the joy he feels now, the warmth tingling throughout his body is foreign but so comforting.

“You hate it, don’t you? Listen, I just thought maybe I’d try and show you Christmas isn’t all about consumerism and selling shitty-”

“It’s beautiful.” He interrupts again, and you swear there’s a moisture begging to leave his eyes as he finally looks to you with an awed expression.

“I don’t, I’ve never...I always hated Christmas. I guess because I never had a real family as a kid. But this, this is j-just...Thank you.”

*End Flashback*

“You’re late!” You shout as the front door bursts open, a familiar thud of boots kicking snow off their bottoms and then walking towards the kitchen. Diego walks in with hands full with groceries, hair wet and messy with flurries of snow littering the raven strands. You narrow your eyes at the sight of him, dopey smile on his face as he sets the bags down on the counter.

“What’s gotten into you? I thought you’d still be grumpy at the fact that we’re hosting.” You’re less than presentable at the moment, having been cooking all day and leaving getting yourself ready for last minute. You puff a stray hair out of your face as he responds.

“Nothing, and actually I am still upset that my siblings are coming over.” He leans against the counter as you unpack the groceries, eager to finish up so you can look a little less crazy when the remaining Hargreeves arrive. Diego is still staring at you, grinning fondly at how flustered you look. And although he’d rather not have you meet his brothers and sister, you deserve to know why he’s keeping you from meeting. After all, it’s been a year since you’ve been together, and he’s met your family already.

It’s different though, because although they too have their issues, your family isn’t a dysfunctional pack of emotionally-stunted freaks. He’d much rather protect you from their intrusive antics. The warm feeling fades as he realizes what’s to come. He appreciates your optimism, truly, but he suddenly can’t shake the feeling that they’ll manage to upset you and ultimately screw up what you’ve been preparing for all day.

“A little help please?” You ground him once more, gesturing to the bags beside the both of you and the assortment of trays of food on the counters. Diego grabs onto your sides when you try to brush past him to check on the turkey, ignoring your incredulous look as he presses his body against yours.

“There’s still time to call this all off, you know. We can watch all the cheesy Christmas movies you want, and have dinner all to ourselves.” His eyes are hopefully looking into yours, the persuasion in his tone hinting a part of him isn’t really joking.

“Absolutely not. Di, we’ve been together for a year now. I want to get to know your siblings. Besides, you met my family and they loved you!”

“That’s different y/n, you’re family is...Well, they’re not like mine! You guys are normal! My brother is a moon-obsessed, half monkey moron and my sister is a mind-controlling movie star.” You can’t help but giggle at his words even though his frustration is adamant. He backs away from your embrace and runs his a hand through his hair in an effort to calm himself down. The sudden thought of one of them being too pushy or making you upset is overwhelming him now. If it’s one thing he’d like to keep you from, it’s the bad side of him his siblings tend to bring out.

“Diego.” Your voice is soft now, you’re using that love-laced tone that always makes him feel like he’s melting. He shivers as you get closer to him, still somehow getting used to the effect you have on him. And although you don’t notice, you seem to be aware you’re calming him down. “I’m scared too, I don’t want to mess something up or embarrass myself in front of them. Hell, your little-or...Older brother is a time traveling assassin who’s kind of a genius. It’s intimidating definitely, but they’re your family Di. I know you hate to admit it, but they’ve played a huge role in who you are. And even if a lot of times you resent each other, it’s clear you love them.”

He’s gotta admit, you’ve always had a way with words. “Fine, what can I do to help beautiful?”

“you can start with setting the table so I can get ready and actually look beautiful. And use the good China!” You plant a quick kiss to his cheek before rushing off to the bedroom, silently praying the anxious won’t drop a plate or two in the process.

****************************

“Baby, does red or white wine go with tur-woah.” You’re doing some finishing touches on your makeup when Diego walks in, honey brown eyes shamelessly looking over your figure with a smirk as he now leans against the door frame.

You roll you eyes at his ogling, but can’t help smoothing down the silky olive green fabric of the dress your wearing with a pleased smile. Gold jewelry adorns your neck and ears, with matching gold heels to bring the look together. The red of his sweater (he so stubbornly obliged to wearing) compliments the green you're wearing beautifully. A year ago, Diego wonders just how much it would take him to put on anything other than black.

“Cmon, they’ll be here any minute.”

As if I’m cue, the doorbell of the apartment rings. You rush to the front door, Diego trailing behind as he reminds himself how important the evening is to you.

“And remember, no knives.” You whisper to him, turning back around and opening the door.

“Fröhliche Weihnachten!” Klaus pushes through the entryway excitedly, tackling you in a hug in greeting. Luckily, you’ve already met the most eccentric sibling of the bunch. As he often crashes at your place, much to Diego’s disliking (or so he says).

“My my my, that dress is to die for! I’ll be borrowing that soon. And those heels! Please tell me we’re the same siz-”

“Alright bonehead, you can steal her stuff later. Take yourself and the booze to the kitchen.” Diego interrupts, shrugging when you slap his shoulder at his bluntness.

Greeting the rest of the family goes better than expected. Allison and Luther arrived together (an innocent carpool of course) whilst Vanya had come just a few minutes after Klaus, happy to see she wasn’t the first to arrive. She brought along with her a homemade dish, Allison with a top notch bottle of champagne, and Five with a box of Griddy’s  donuts and...Coffee? His odd choice of food making the perfect ice breaker, to his confusion of course. 

“Alright, enough small talk. Diego, how much are you paying this lovely lady to pretend to be your girlfriend?” Klaus interjects your conversation about current events as the rest of the table looks to the pair of you and laughs. 

“Seriously, Allison couldn’t even rumor someone to be this good of a cook,” Luther chimes in. Not having looked up from his plate for a majority of the meal.

Although slightly offended, Diego realizes his siblings have a valid point. You’re blushing crimson as you laugh along, shaking your head and nervously rambling on about when you just last week almost burnt the apartment down trying to perfect said recipes. He’s entranced as you speak, admiring the way you seem to capture all of them with unknown ease. Unknown, truly, because you’re still too modest to see how perfect you are. He doesn’t deserve you, but he’ll spend every day trying to even out the impossible score. It's known he can be quite the competitor. 

“I’m just shocked he’s out of black for once.”

“Says the 45 year old in a school uniform!”

                                          **********************

“Alright, I’ll clear up dinner so we can start dessert.” Y/n announces, just in time to halt a three-way argument between her boyfriend, Luther and Five about some Academy mission from when they were kids. The evening has been lighthearted for the most part, with a majority of the conflict being steered off by Allison or Vanya. The two practically experts at distracting their egotistical brothers. You catch on as they do so, the three of you having shared a few sly smirks between one another a few times throughout the meal. 

“Please y/n, let me. You’ve done more than enough tonight. Besides, I need someone to test out that wine for me.” Allison assures, kicking Diego’s shin and motioning to the kitchen when you’ve given her an appreciative smile and inquired Vanya on her violin skills. 

Allison’s knife wielding brother shoots her a look of shock at her actions, trailing along confusedly after her. Your empty plate and his own in hand as he sets them down in the sink. 

“What the hell? Why-where-you-hiding-her-from-us!) The curly haired woman emphasizes each word with a smack of a stray dish towel to his arm, sure nobody can hear them over Klaus’ obnoxious storytelling back in the dining room. 

“Quit it! I wasn’t hiding her I-I was protecting her from you shitheads.” Diego defends, once again bewildered by his sister’s playful outburst. 

“Diego! She’s amazing, you should’ve introduced us forever ago.” 

“Right, she’s amazing. What do you not get by the word protecting? If you all had met her any sooner you would have scared her off!” He flails his arms as he speaks, unaware of his flushed cheeks as his sister smiles fondly at him. 

“What now Allison?”

“You loooveee her.” She poke his side as she teases, chuckling again when he swats her arm away. The scene is childish, but something about the heat rising through his neck to the tips of his ears makes Diego feel like a kid again. Allison teasing him about girls, just as they had when they were young. 

“Wh-whatever. Yeah, I love her. Can we go back to the table now, or should we paint our nails and giggle about how totes adorbs Luther Looks in that coat?” They both laugh at his mocking, leaving the room and too giddy to remember the discarded plates left behind. 

                                      ***********************

“An espresso machine? Wow, Columbia-brewed K-cups too! You shouldn’t have y/n.” Five is beaming at the gift in hand, wrapping paper still hanging off the side of the box as he admires the machine. His siblings stare confusedly at his jolly demeanor, and he immediately clears his throat before giving said girl a curt nod. “Thanks.” He deadpans, and you laugh with a nod at his change in demeanor. 

Luther and Allison have already opened their gifts, the burly man pointing to his miniature moon replica and lecturing about the craters and valleys to an extremely bored Klaus. Allison has already put on the elegant gold charm bracelet you’ve given her, rolling charm with Claire’s initials and birthstone on it with glossy eyes. Beside her, Vanya delicately peels the wrapping off to a freshly polished violin case, her name inscribed in cursive on the top. 

“It’s beautiful. I-I’m so sorry we didn’t get you anything. If I had known-”

“Nonsense V, I’m just glad you could all make it tonight.” You reassure with genuine smile, glad to see her positive response to the nickname. 

“I still can’t believe you got them gifts.” Diego mumbles from behind you, having climbed over the back of the couch you’re all sat on to have you sit between his legs. He kisses your temple and wraps his arms around your middle, softly humming when yo lean into him. The fireplace is crackling, and the record payer you love dearly quietly plays a Perry Como Christmas album. You close your eyes, taking in the warm feeling and relaxing in Diego’s touch. The two of you jumping when a shout comes from beside you.

“My turn! My turn!” Klaus claps loudly to grab your attention. You chuckle at his childish ways, leaning down to pick up the wrapped present at your feet and handing it off to him. Unlike the others, he eagerly rips apart the wrapping, gasping dramatically when he lifts up the skirt. 

“You’re a bit hard to shop for, there’s a gift receipt if-” The excitable man scrambles up from the floor tug on the fabric, twirling around in it in a fit of giggles before you can finish your statement. 

“Great, he’ll never take that off.” Diego mumbles in your ear, you shake your head with a smirk at his teasing before you’re reminded of something.

“Oh! And one more thing.” You note suddenly, climbing out of Diego’s hold as he huffs reluctantly. You pull a a final present from under the tree, secretly handing it to Klaus to make sure the others don’t see. Though they’re too enveloped in conversation to noticed.

“Another one for me?” He whispers happily, eyes furrowing when you shake your head. Sitting back down in Diego’s arms before you explain. 

“No, well...Yes, sort of. You’ll see.” You ramble, gesturing to the box in his hands as he apprehensively chuckles. You feel Diego’s eyes on you, deciding to place a peck on his jaw instead of elaborating. 

Klaus pulls out a pair of books, readig the well-known titles before looking up at you. You motion to the box once more, biting your nail as he sets them aside and reaches in once more. He pulls out  picture frame with a sharp intake of breathe, hand going over his mouth as he looks up at you once more. Your boyfriend, eager to see what has silenced his rowdy brother, takes the frame to inspect it. 

It’s a picture of him, Klaus, and Ben on the front steps of the academy. Having to be only five or six in the photo. Klaus has an arm around Ben, smiling big for the camera as his brother offers a smaller, but no less genuine grin to the lens. Diego sits a step above them, mouth frozen open in a laugh as he must of been reaction to something only Klaus could make him react so much at. 

“I remember Di telling me Ben read a lot. And...Well, it felt wrong to get everyone else a gift but him. Those are two of my favorit-”

“Wh-Where did you find this?” Diego whispers, arms encircled even tighter around you as he holds up the frame in shock. 

“When we were moving in. I found it at the bottom of one of the shelves at your room at the gym. It was under a bunch of old books you had, I figured it could use a frame.” Just as you finish, Klaus practically tackles you in a hug, a soft hiccup coming from him when he pulls away. 

“Geez Klaus, it’s just a skirt!” 

“Can-it Luther!”

                                     *************************

“You think he’ll be alright?” You mutter from the bedroom hallway. You and Diego leaning against the wall, looking at Klaus whose passed out on the sofa. The others having left hours ago, but you simply couldn’t wake him at seeing how peaceful he was. The picture frame still tucked to his chest as he snored softly. 

“Trust me, he’s fine. I think he’ll be sleeping in that skirt every night from now on.” Diego pulls you to your bedroom door as you laugh, the exhaustion from today finally setting. 

“Hey, would you look at that? Mistletoe.” Your head trails upwards to gaze up at the fruit being dangled above your head as you grin.

“Those are grapes Di.”

“Are they? Hmm, must be from that stupid cheese board I had to run across town for.” 

“It’s a chacuterie, actually. Didn’t you learn French Hargreeves?”

“Yep, but I only seem to remember two words.”

“Oh really? And what might those be?”

“Embrasse moi” He finishes as he connects his lips with yours, holding your face as if you might slip away when he lets go. 

“Smooth, knife boy.” You pull away softly, wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

“Merry Christmas Di.”

[itburnedlikesummer]

Personal life update under the cut, feel free to scroll past if you aren’t interested x3

Now that I’ve had a few days to process... I got to spend 4 weeks working 40 hours, and now I’m down to ~25 hours a week, until October 1st which will be my last day at this job.

Just as I am making friends with the other nannies. Just as I am settling into a rhythm with the bus rides and the kids.

To protect the family’s privacy I won’t get into why but before any of my friends get upset I will say that I 100% understand why this is happening. It is out of their control, it is out of anyone’s control at this point. It deals with the baby (8.5 weeks old) and her safety and wellbeing is of the most importance to me and I understand why mom has chosen to stay home with her and no longer needs my help once the toddler goes to daycare.

That being said... it really fucking sucks to be job hunting again. There are families in that neighborhood (gated community, super nice) that need help but I am so tired of riding the bus an hour each way and I only do it because I genuinely enjoy this family. Like they treat me as an equal in helping to raise the kids and the grandparents -- who the previous nanny said were such a pain and constantly checking in on her etc -- told the mom that they think I am wonderful with both kids and they trust me with them which is HUGE and honestly makes the loss that much worse.

I’ve applied to some places, including a preschool classroom (literally in the same campus my building is located on!), a daycare that’s ~20 minutes walking from here and an indoor playground type gig that’s ~20 minutes via the bus (plus a little walking) toward the city. The mom is going to reach out to a friend that works just over the river (close to where Jared works) and see if any of their neighbors need help. Suckiest part is most nanny jobs require that you have your own car/not take public transit hence why I’ve started turning more toward centers, etc.

On top of that I’m not... sure what the future holds for me? Like, both relationship-wise and location-wise. When I moved here I fully expected to want to go back to Maine come next June but... y’all I like being able to get myself around the city if needed. Only time I need to rely on T is going grocery shopping cause we shop at a Giant ~20 minutes drive away cause it has a lot of vegan options.

Also I’ve been doing really bad at the whole vegan diet. It went great at first but then T admitted he wanted us to cut out meat so that we would add more veggies in and I’ve cheated on the diet I few more times than even he knows, oops. It’s still only like 2 times a week (if that) but still.

On the upside I’ve found some really good vegan meat replacements (the sausage is to die for, y’all) and we found one AMAZING vegan restaurant near the grocery store that had a crab cake made from hearts of palm that tasted just like a crab cake.. I was so excited!

Back to my previous point about where is life going: I miss Maine... but more in that I miss my friends and my family. I get a little slice of Maine at work cause they’ve got a beautiful tree-lined front lawn that reminds me of Maine but... even the other nannies (that I am forming friendships with) don’t compare to the friends back in Maine. Aside from that though, Philly fits me surprisingly well. I am learning to navigate buses well, found a few little hole-in-the-wall places to check out and some stores I want to show my friends when they eventually visit and honestly? I could see staying here. Not this apartment, of course, and maybe not even this exact neighborhood but the city in general. I don’t feel as scared or uncomfortable as I expected (minus the unrest of being in a big city during a pandemic).

And then the relationship end... I gotta do some talking with T. It’s been 4.5 years and I still don’t know what that man is thinking as far as the future goes. But if I plan to stay in Philly, I gotta know if he wants me to stay with him or he wants to go our separate ways... y’know?

So many thoughts in my damn head. Most days I can’t even tell thought from thought, but maybe in time things will clarify. For now... wish me luck on the job hunt!

[the-witty-pen-name]

The list of books I read before finishing TDATT...

YA Fiction, Graphic Novel

This book is the book that got me out of my years long reading slump. It also only took me just over an hour to read and I absolutely loved it. It’s a graphic novel about two vacation friends who stay at the same beach town every year. This book genuinely really captures that feeling of summer and I felt like it really felt authentic in how you feel as a kid, when things in life are happening around you but you’re still just a little too young to fully grasp everything. Also, the illustrations are just so well done. I literally recommend this book to everyone!

Adult Fiction, Realistic Fiction, Contemporary 

I have not been able to stop thinking about this book since I finished it. Everyone has been talking about it and I agree that it’s worth the hype. I think it’s so hard to find a book that accurately depicts how it feels to be navigating your 20s and I think this book did so just so authentically. Also this book is such a great commentary on race and socio-economics. It really brings attention to the idea of intention versus impact- how people’s good intentions can still be overtly racist. 

The book follows Emira Tucker, a young African American woman who is a recent college graduate, struggling to find her place while her friends continue to succeed and seem to have it together more than her. Emira babysits for public speaker and blogger Alix Chamberlain. The story follows the events that unfold after Emira is accused of kidnapping three year old Briar at a grocery store when a security guard does not believe Emira when she tells him that she is the child’s nanny. 

Adult Fiction, Rom-Com, Romance 

If you want a really cute enemies to lovers story, this book I read practically in a day. I adored both main characters, and their back an forth. This is one book in a series about the Brown sisters. This is the third book in the trilogy, but they don’t have to be read in order, and they all can be read alone. This is the only one of them I’ve read so far and I loved it so much- definitely will be reading the other two at some point. Eve is incredibly chaotic and can’t seem to figure out what she wants to do, and she ends up through a series of crazy events, working as a chef at an adorable bed and breakfast owned by Jacob, who is very by the book and organized. The two of them are total opposites and yet compliment each other so well! This book is also very body positive, and has autism representation. It’s witty, funny and *spicy* 

Science Fiction, Fantasy Fiction, Philosophical Fiction

*TW: suicide and depression*

Okay, this book I feel like I’ve seen people love or people say it’s a cliché. I actually really like the cliché message of this book. The final takeaway of the story, as overdone as some people may say it feels, is really uplifting I found. I found the concept really relatable as Nora ponders all the choices she’s made in her life and wondering what could have been. When Nora attempts to take her own life, she finds herself in a library. This library contains an infinite amount of books, all of which contain alternative lives she can choose to live out. I really liked this book, and would recommend! This is book also reads really quickly, some chapters are as short as a page, so you make more progress than you realize as you read which is nice. 

YA Fiction, Comedy 

*TW: suicidal thoughts, depression, eating disorder*

*TW: misgendering and deadnaming* 

The amount of excerpts from this book I found myself underlining because it was so relatable... Okay, really related to this book, and I think it’s such a good read. However, I have one grip with it that I want to address before talking more about the story. One of the characters in this book is a trans woman. Once the narrator discovers that she’s trans, he refers to her as Charles/Jennifer rather than just Jennifer, continuing to use her dead name. This novel was written in 2006, and so you can clearly tell that it reflected the more ignorant views at the time. It’s not mentioned often throughout, but this was something that bothered me a lot, despite overall loving the bigger story. (I actually am not sure about if the name was Charles, I could be wrong about what her deadname was, but just using Charles as an example about how the name is written in the book)

I really related to a lot of the struggles the main character, Craig, had in this book. I think a lot of students can relate to the pressures Craig faces with regards to his assignments and just school in general. As a person who was a college student (during a global pandemic!) and has GAD, Craig is a very relatable character. He’s not perfect, but many of the issues he has and how he describes them feel very authentic. Craig, who is a 15 year old high school student, suffers from depression, and after having suicidal thoughts, he admits himself to the hospital. The book is about Craig and his time spent in the psychiatric wing of the hospital and the relationships he forms with the fellow patients. 

[raleighliving]

New Years Update: A Pandemic Safe Day in Raleigh

So this year’s been a real bitch and a half.  Everyone’s been dealing with shit and it feels like the world around me is collapsing, but at least we get to see what fun new horrors 2021 will bring; so we can forget about 2020 as we look forward to the chaos.

I haven’t been posting for... more than a few months because I’ve been busy with life.  North Carolina as a whole has a curfew from 10PM to 5AM, which I hate because I hate interacting with people, so those are my hours for photography.  

It’s kind of a pointless curfew in two regards.  Firstly, no one except myself and a few others are even awake between those times so banning travel during it is like saying you can’t chew glass.  No one’s going to do it anyways.  

Secondly, the curfew has exceptions for

>Travelling to and from work >Going to get groceries >Going to get food

So the curfew just stops people from loitering and going to nightclubs.  I guess that’s something, but considering the significant amount of anti-maskers and general idiots we need something a bit more functional.

Regardless, there’s still a nice amount of people staying indoors or wearing a mask when they go outside.  Leading to more open space for me to explore and catalog.  

Recently I took a trip out to Jordan Lake park in Pittsboro.  It’s a 10 to 50 minute drive depending on your launch point; but it’s a gorgeous park worth the trip if you have the time.

Its a bit tricky though, the park has 4 or so different entrances split across the 64E highway with different sights and trails depending on where you park.  If you want some nice long hikes with tons of foliage, wildlife, birds to watch, and occasional glimpses at the titular lake; you’d wanna park by the Recreation center.

If you want non-stop views of the lake, fishing, and a muddy trail that’ll soak your boots through to your immortal soul; then you’d launch from the Seaforth entrance like we did.

It’s a nice experience regardless where you start though. It’s out of the way, at least compared to other parks like Umstead or Falls Lake park, so there’s usually fewer explorers year round.  The highway cuts through, and there’s continual traffic from Pittsboro and Raleigh, but it’s pure quiet in the forested parts of the hiking trails regardless of where you stand.

It’s rare to find places here where the only things you can hear are your thoughts and the surrounding wildlife; so having a place like this is a nice treat every once in awhile. 

It does have the downside of having terrible walking trails if the weathers been rainy.  The trails, especially the Kits Pond trail at Seaforth, runs through estuaries and the soil retains a bunch of water; so if its rained in the last three days you’re gonna lose your foot to the ground at least once.

Of course, the parks aren’t the only places that are eerily quiet during a pandemic.  Jordan Lake Park being quiet is normal, but unexpectedly shopping centers have been pretty quiet as well.  

Most (thankfully) are enforcing mask restrictions, but not everyone’s of the same mind. Notably Big Al’s BBQ over on Louisburg Rd has anti-masker signs posted all over its front (Unfortunately I forgot to photograph, may update later).  

Centers like Lafayette Village though have significantly fewer WASP-y people though, so if you’ve been eyeing  a particular store or Boutique, now’s the time to visit.  

I personally recommend checking out the “Savory Spice Shop” here.  A wide selection of ground spice, whole spice, spice blends for various dishes, and rubs.  A junior chef’s dream come true, even selling health hazards like whole Bhut Jolokia and similarly spicy treats. 

The staff here are also incredibly friendly and helpful.  Not only will they help you find the right seasoning for a dish you might be prepping, but they’ll tell you all the differences and strengths of each offering.  Everyone I’ve met here is extremely knowledgeable about the product they’re selling.

But even without the Spice shop, Lafayette Village is a point of interest for any Triangle citizen for its unique architecture.  A small block of stores with French aesthetics right down to a miniature Eiffel Tower being visible from the road.

You can find upscale shopping and restaurants here, boutiques, and a small chocolate shop that sells chocolate wine.  Just be sure to visit on any day that’s not a Sunday.

There’s a few upscale churches nearby and a few restaurants that make excellent brunch/lunch stops for hungry parishioners; so even with the Pandemic you’ll probably run into a bunch of upper crust folk and their screaming offspring playing in the courtyard should you stop by on a Sunday.

Another plus, Lafayette is right by Honeycutt park on Honeycutt Rd.  A walking trail that’s more of a greenway compared to the hiking trails I’ve been on recently.  A paved/bridged trail that stretches underneath the Highway and between two upper-middle class neighborhoods.

It’s a straight line, so you need to turn back around once you reach an end to the trail, but otherwise it’s a scenic path that has a nice blend of nature and suburbia at different parts.  

Notably, the bridge is like that to another world. Transitioning from trees and powerlines to breaks in the treeline revealing houses and backyards; manmade ponds and water systems replacing the previously marshy landscapes. 

Times are wild, I’ll try to write more in the coming weeks to at least assuage my boredom.  Hopefully the pictures are at least enjoyable

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Sorry! Lehner had around a 10 minute rant today about how he feels like the NHL lied to the players about loosening up the restrictions placed on teams and forced teams to get the Covid Vaccine. ESPN and the New York Post released an article about it today.

(this is a follow-up on this ask)

Ah okay, I found a TSN article about it, which covers the fact that he also apologized for some of his remarks (mainly comparing the restrictions to being “like prison” which is a bit cringe when you’re a millionaire in a free hotel, yeah), and also significantly clarified some of the intent behind what he was trying to say at the presser:

I’m gonna put my full thoughts this under a cut because it’s ended up running pretty long and rambly, but tl;dr: after considering his more precisely clarified points here and with the perspective I know he’s coming from, I can honestly see and empathize with what Lehner seems to be expressing here about how the NHL has chosen to handle player vaccinations and informing them about what that means for the restrictions on their lives, and I actually don’t disagree with his criticisms overall. Some of the phrasing could have been better, but he’s acknowledged that too.

All in all, it sounds like the NHL may have done a poor job of honestly managing expectations around what vaccine rollout would mean for the extra restrictions placed on the players and their families with each team, and that they’re also up to some version of their usual NHL schtick of prioritizing some platonic ideal of Competitive Parity (remember “the Vancouver Canucks will play a 56 game season”, anyone?) above all else, even when that is no longer realistic and/or comes at the expense of the short-term and long-term mental and physical wellbeing of the players. Classic NHL.

Right, so, long thoughts are down here. Also gonna copy the majority of his comments directly because I think it’s worthwhile for people to read exactly what he said:

"As I’m frustrated like a lot of people in the world right now everything didn’t come out of today’s press in the right way," Lehner wrote. "Main point is that we need to start take the mental health important as well In this situation. It has a huge impact on everyone in society right now. To put competitive edge before well being of people's lives is wrong. As I said, people are struggling with many different things mentally and we need to consider that, as well. Then, being lied to makes it worse."

I love hockey and the league has done a lot of good things," Lehner continued. "But this missed the mark. My bad to say it’s like prison and I apologize, but with mental health issues that are developing in the world, it develops problems mentally. We will see exactly how this affects everything with time. I don’t mean to offend anyone. I hope we can all work together to help people that suffer through mental help from this going forward. I’ve heard how a lot of people are doing through this as people talk to me about it."

During his briefing, Lehner said that the league has misled the players about how vaccination will lead to the loosening of restrictions.

"They told me yesterday that they're surveying all of the teams to see who has taken the vaccine and who has not taken the vaccine and they're not going to change the rules for us as players until all of the teams have a fair [amount] of [vaccinated players] at the same time, so there's not a competitive edge," Lehner said. "And that made me go crazy, to be honest."

Lehner said the league is failing to look at its players as people first and lied to them about taking the vaccine.

"These are human lives and people are struggling with this stuff a lot in society and we are humans just as everyone else," Lehner said. "So there's a twofold problem for me here - the first one is we got promised something to take something that not necessarily everyone wanted. So that was lie - a blatant lie. Second, to put competitive edge over human lives in terms of going back - and I'm not saying we're going out to a party or whatever, but we had a meeting when the season started, at the beginning of camp, that pretty much told us we can't go outside of our house, can't do anything, can't go to the grocery store, can do nothing on the road. You can take a meal out of the meal room and go sit up in your room, don't be with your teammates, don't do this, don't do that. Nobody thinks about the mental impact."

The Gothenburg, Sweden native says his peers are struggling through this pandemic season.

"I know people will say, 'Oh, you're millionaires' and this and that or 'What about these guys?' but we care about that, too, man," Lehner said. "No matter what people think, this is a society problem. But when government, corporations, NHL, whoever are taking decisions in terms of irrelevant things like competitive edge over the human being? It's not okay."

It seems pretty clear to me from this article that his main issue isn’t really with getting the vaccine or being required to do so (my understanding is that it is still opt-in for all players, not mandatory. It’s that he doesn’t view the League as having provided players with a realistic expectation ahead of time for how being vaccinated would or would not change their daily reality. That they were led to believe that getting vaccinated would lead to things that didn’t end up happening, and therefore weren’t empowered to make an informed choice about when to get vaccinated.

The way he describes it, the League was not clear enough ahead of time about the fact that individual players being vaccinated would not make them individually exempt from league-wide restrictions, and this created a feeling of false hope about what getting vaccinated would mean in terms of not just having to stay in your house or hotel room literally all the time. If you were looking forward to getting vaccinated because you were led to believe it would mean finally not having to live in that isolated, mentally draining environment all the time, and then only found out at the last minute or after the fact that no, you actually still have to keep following all these rules that are making your life so isolated and difficult, that’s gotta be pretty emotionally jarring. If you were a player who was a little unsure about getting vaccinated quite yet (for whatever reason, including possibly being in a risk group for side-effects or just not wanting to get waylaid for a week with the smile symptoms it induces during a crucial stretch of games), but decided it was worth it for the tradeoff of getting back to a life that was less of a strain on your mental health, and then got told AFTER you made that decision and got the shot that no, that tradeoff isn’t happening the way you were made to expect it to, I think it would understandably piss you off.

It also sounds like part of what he has taken issue with is that, from the sounds of it rather than ease internal restrictions on a team-by-team basis as determined by each team’s vaccination rates (which would mean that if for example the Wild had 95% of their team vaccinated, the Wild only the Wild would get to start living a life with slightly less restrictions), the League is instead opting to say “no, we’re only going to ease the rules for EVERYONE at the same time once all teams have reached similar numbers of vaccinated players and staff to ea other, because we would see having different rules for different teams as giving some of them an unfair competitive edge”.

Lehner takes umbrage with this approach, because he thinks that focusing solely on “competitive edge” by making more-vaccinated teams keep having to live incredibly isolated lives (even isolated from vaccinated teammates) is a case of the League prioritizing parity over the toll that barely being able to interact with other people or leave their houses is taking on players’ mental health. And I can really really understand his point here. We have all seen what quarantine has done to our individual mental health, and even if they are millionaires, those impacts also exist for the players.

I actually just recently re-read the Athletic piece about the intense mental health and addiction struggles Lehner has gone through and done the incredibly difficult work of getting help for in the last five years. This man has fought incredibly hard and done a massive amount of therapy and other work to sort out his head, deal with his demons, and get himself to a place where he can cope and wants to be alive. That kind of recovery journey is a battle which will continue for the rest of your life and requires constant maintenance practices (again, speaking from experience). He also spent most of this season not even getting to be around the team at all, stuck at home recovering from a concussion (which usually involves doing frustratingly little and waiting around impatiently in dimly lit rooms for your brain to heal). And now, upon returning to the team, road games mean more time spent sitting in a room trying not to be bored out of your skull, while possibly also having to have some limits on things like screen time as a post-concussion precaution.

Imagine being somebody like him, who has spent a lot of time working very hard to build up a lifestyle and a system of coping mechanisms in recent years which have allowed him to live a healthier and happier life, to then be thrown back into an isolated and highly restricted new lifestyle where probably at least half of all those habits and norms and support systems are taken out of reach, that has to be incredibly difficult (I’ve experienced something similar myself this year). Especially when you haven’t been able to even go and be with the team in the dressing room, or probably even do anything with your family that classes above “mildly strenuous”, because you’re out for six weeks recovering from a concussion, which is its own mental and physical health battle. And then, you are apparently given the impression from the League that “hey, if you’re willing to get vaccinated, that will lead to you being able to return to some semblance of a life that is less taxing on your psyche”, and you agreed to do so even if you were perhaps cautious about getting the vaccine before, because you’d rather accept whatever risk comes with the shot than gamble on keeping your sanity together for however much longer this isolation drags on, only to then find out that “actually no, even if your team and staff is entirely vaccinated you still have to spend most of your time sitting alone in rooms trying not to sink into a spiral of dangerous depression until other teams in other states with different vaccination programs are also immunized to similar levels, and our only real reasoning for holding that mental relief out of reach is mostly based on ‘competitive parity’”.

Yeah, I absolutely understand why he would feel very frustrated and even betrayed by that course of action! For Lehner, it’s not about competitive edges or the game on the ice, it’s about having made the decision to get vaccinated at this time with the understanding that it would allow access to an at least slightly less mentally taxing lifestyle, only to find out later that the League seemingly never intended to follow through on providing that despite you holding up your end of the deal. And it sounds like he is speaking for a number of other players beyond just himself who are also struggling with their mental health in these conditions. Even if he himself is managing to cope because of what he’s learned in his recovery, he would certainly be well-positioned to recognize signs in the people around him that they are struggling in ways that may be similar to what he went though before, and know how dire that can spiral into being.

Look, I don’t think Robin Lehner ever expected to be allowed to go out and lick people’s eyeballs or wander the supermarket maskless once vaccinated, but you heard the description of how intensely restrictive the NHL’s rules for players off-ice lives during COVID are. They are far more intense than the rules being enforced for non-NHL individuals in many of the same cities and states, because the NHL is trying to bring risk as close to zero as possible. And if you were a player told that being vaccinated was going to reduce contagion risks enough to mean that right away the NHL would finally let you and your teammates from “can’t go anywhere or see anyone, eat your dinner in your hotel room and try not to be depressed about it” to “you can go to the store with a mask on. you can eat meals with your also-vaccinated teammates. you can visit your parents or siblings while social-distancing/masking. you can spend free time around other people and/or in more public spaces without being chaperoned constantly by team staff. you can sit next to your also-vaccinated teammates on the plane/bus. you can hang out with them in their room”, and THEN later were told “sorry, we’re not actually going to let you do that yet. not for COVID reasons but rather because we worry not being totally miserable shut-ins will give you a competitive edge over that team in another state who aren’t getting vaccinated as quickly”. That has to feel like a slap in the face in terms of how much the league actually cares about your well-being or about being honest in its role in your personal medical decisions. Perhaps when he says “forced” he is expressing a feeling of being stuck between choosing “either get vaccinated or let your mental health keep degrading in isolation”, only to find out that making the deal doesn’t get you the relief you were promised.

Idk I feel like I’m repeating myself a lot here trying to circle in on my precise point bc my brain is a little scrambled today, but like. If the players made their decisions to consent to vaccination (at this time, with whatever version of the shot was offered, under whatever circumstances they may have going on personally or medically) based on one understanding of the situation, and then NHL really said “lol NOPE actually that was a false premise” and changed things after the fact, that’s kinda an informed consent issue and I think he’s right to call it fucked up! And everything he says about how mentally taxing such a super-isolated lifestyle is honestly only repeats worries I myself had right from the moment the “stay in your hotel room alone” rule was announced — that the League may be underestimating the toll (especially with some of the long road trips this season) that forcing players to live in total isolation like that was going to have on individual wellbeing and team morale.

Robin’s comments this morning could have been put better, but as somebody who has ADHD and who knows about bipolar disorder, I know emotions for folks with brains like ours can run fast and intense and sometimes lead to not always planning out every word as precisely and you might later have liked to once that moment has passed. The fact that he apologized for the less tactful part of the comment and sought to clarify his words tells me he’s thought a lot about this and wasn’t happy with how he expressed his thoughts initially. Also, while his English is very good, you can sometimes forget it isn’t his first language, Swedish is — some thoughts don’t translate exactly as they sounded in your head. That said, also Robin Lehner one of the more outspoken NHL players about mental health issues in recent years, and he also doesn’t seem like the type of guy to mince his words or tiptoe around a point — I’m not surprised he’s the person expressing these concerns about mental health, and I’m not surprised he was a bit blunt about it either lol.

All in all, it sounds like the NHL did a poor job of managing expectations around what vaccine rollout would mean for the players and their families, and that they’re also up to their usual NHL schtick of prioritizing some platonic ideal of Competitive Parity (remember “the Vancouver Canucks will play a 56 game season”, anyone?) above all else, even when that is no longer realistic and/or comes at the expense of the short-term and long-term mental and physical wellbeing of the players. Classic NHL.

(also: the New York Post is a right-leaning sensationalist rag 90% of the time. take all spin it puts on things with a grain of salt)

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

health rambling

because it occurred to me that i post when there are Serious Problems but haven’t updated in a while, for those following my adventures from afar:

so my ankle fracture appears to be healing well :) for the past five days that i was home alone, i watched a lot of tv, but i also did basic household maintenance chores and fed kinnie and the outdoor cats--and i succeeded at my top priority, which was just feeding myself and taking all my meds every day. while i could barely walk on my ankle, i relied on a LOT of delivery food, so the past five days of making toast and frying potatoes and slicing apples without terrible pain felt joyful in a ‘normal everyday life’ way. i iced my ankle at least once a day, too, to help with being on it so much. but i was able to pull the trash can out to the curb (necessary as the only one home on trash day), also for the first time since i broke my ankle, and it went okay, so i should be able to take that chore back onto my usual list. 

i lost muscle strength so quickly once i had to stay off my feet for a few weeks! getting back to chores this week and doing some overall cleaning yesterday, as well as having my first good shower since last month, was very soothing. but i could also feel my muscles, such as they are, strengthening up a little bit, and i’m really happy about that. i’ve still got a lot of fatigue going on, which makes it hard to stand at a counter and prep food for any length of time, but 1) i think that might be a return of my vitamin b deficiency unrelated to my convalescence and 2) when i push through the fatigue to cook, it feels healthy and like my body’s remembering how to do stuff--rather than like a straining, painful ankle sensation i was getting whenever i did things in the early weeks of recovery. i have to hope that’s a good sign for my monday ankle appt. if that appt goes well in terms of how an expert thinks my ankle looks, then i’m going to assume i can resume things like the occasional grocery trip, all regular chores, and even light walking soon. 

i’ve had basically the worst year ever, in my whole life, in terms of basic physical condition, from last fall to this one: after spending a summer getting in better shape and enjoying the benefits of that during my week in north carolina, i crashed into a surprise vitamin b deficiency so bad that i lost the ability to stand and walk. that didn’t get figured out until january, and took a couple of months of supplements to get fixed--at which point we were in a pandemic, and the lockdown followed soon after, and i was scared to leave the house, let alone walk my neighborhood to get back in shape. i finally felt like people here were following more of the safety guidelines and like i understood how to minimize risk as summer turned to fall...and then i broke my ankle. so at this point i’m really eager to move more and strengthen back up, and before the ankle i even made sure to buy some clothes so i won’t have to do all my outdoor exercise in jean shorts (better than long pants, in california, but still not very comfy!)

so that’ll be my main goal if my ankle is looking okay on xrays and keeps feeling stronger this month--as much as possible, to get back to the shape i was in last summer, when i could walk to the nearest grocery store and back, when walking a mile was possible on a regular basis. when i’m at my worst, just getting to the mailbox and back feels like a major accomplishment, and it’s wild how large the range is, of what i’m physically capable of. last year it took an awful manic phase to get me in shape...i wasn’t walking more because i enjoy it (i hate exercising here, it’s deeply boring, i miss living in a city where going places on foot was routine and fun) but because if i sat still at home i felt like a danger to myself. i had to move, so i did. convincing myself to go for walks will be a lot harder this time (i’ve been unsuccessfully trying to do so all year during the pandemic tbh) but actually losing the ability to walk (for a SECOND time! in one year!) is a great motivator to appreciate what i have and to make better use of it. 

mental health wise, i’m still in a bad way. it’s hard for me to stay in touch with anybody i care about, i’m barely posting on my blog cuz i’m drifting in my head too much to have words like i normally do...the pandemic has made all of my mental disorders worse, while simultaneously making it harder to get care for them. on top of the treatment i get for my adhd and bipolar disorder (that stopped being effective during the pandemic), i’m finally ready to try something for the anxiety, and i only learned this year that my food issues are an actual eating disorder with a name...but while my previous problems aren’t being successfully treated right now, i don’t feel i can also take on trying to fight the other stuff too. i’m still here though, pressing onward, and i’ve found the headspace to not be upset at myself for getting little done, being unable to write and focus, etc. for now, that’s a win. and having the household return to normal for a while, after all the chaos of september, is letting my brain settle down too, at least a little. so that part does feel better. just like putting the house to rights makes me feel a little better--more stable. 

i don’t have a grand conclusion for this post like i normally would? i’m not posting for a reason, other than thinking somebody who’s followed my personal posts for years now might wonder what’s going on lately, when i don’t post about it and am barely speaking to people. especially since i’m way behind on my asks as well, so i can’t just say ‘if you ever wonder how i’m doing, feel free to ask!’ so...this is how i’m doing. :) i’ve got 4 episodes of black sails left and i plan to start 12 monkeys next, so that should be fun. having house time to myself was fun but i’m thrilled to not be the only one home anymore. i like my normal.

[a-bit-of-owlish-fun]

Quarantine Shopping and Meal Planning

So I asked about this over on @steve-rogers-new-york​ and there was a positive response, so here we go. Date: 15 March 2020

Before I start, let me be clear that I am not a professional, just someone who deals with stress by planning, and who has some experience with emergency preparedness having lived in New Zealand during the more recent large earthquakes. Feel free to correct me or make positive additions. For clarity, I am currently in Ontario Canada, and cooking for one person, but have made allowances to feed my unprepared housemate in a pinch.

Priorities with this Pandemic Planning

Unlike some other emergency preparedness priorities, power, water, and phone do not appear to be issues. So you have greater flexibility with what you can make and keep. Your priority should be having a comfortable amount of food on hand in case you cannot leave the house. Don’t go nuts, don’t overbuy, and don’t buy thoughtlessly.

Planning What to Get and Make

When thinking about what to buy and what to make, you want to consider a few things:

How many meals do you need to make? That is, how many people are you feeding and for how long? Calculate the number of meals you need in total and make sure you have enough meals planned to cover those. Obviously, if you can prepare for more than that is good, but don’t go too nuts.

How many portions can a recipe make? You don’t want to be making single-serve meals. It’s inefficient and short-sighted. So pick recipes that make large quantities, that can be portioned up in containers to be chilled or frozen.

Am I being efficient with my ingredients? Are the quantities listed in regularly used recipes the most practical for your current ingredient availability? For example, if you’re making a stew with beef, but beef is in short supply, half the amount the recipe asks for, and then bulk up on potatoes, carrots, zucchini, etc.

What ingredients will last best? Don’t JUST get non-perishables! That just sounds miserable. I’ve had no issue so far getting fruit and vegetables, and if you’re smart with your choices and storage fresh foods can be good choices. This when picking items how long they will hold in your fridge or if they’re freezable.

Don’t forget about breakfast and Lunch!

If money is tight and buying ahead is challenging. Think laterally. Make use of dollar stores like Dollarama, Dollar Tree, or whatever your local variant is. They will often have a great range of shelf-stable foods like pasta, rice, canned goods, and other ingredients at really low prices. And from my experience so far, they seem to have passed the attention of many shoppers and are still in good stock-levels. Start there first, hit multiple ones to get a good variety, then shop at supermarkets for whatever you cannot get there. The quality is good, sometimes brand-names, and they can be far superior than supermarket prices.

Do you have a large stockpot, fry pan, and deep baking dish to make these large meals? If not, see about getting them. Large lasagne pans and other kitchen items can be found cheap at many dollar stores.

Don’t have a car? Me neither. Grab a backpack and some good re-usable bags and make multiple trips for heavier items like cans. Also, consider grocery delivery services. They can be hit and miss right now, as it’s harder to adapt to products being unavailable. This being said, they can be a good way to get bulk, heavier items to your house. Also, consider asking friends or family to get you items when they go and drop them off to you.

What Foods Hold Well and Go Far

Non-Perishables that can extend meals

Pasta and Noodles — Pasta is a great item for entending a meal. Be it soups, stir-fry, oven-bake, or just able anything, you can either cook-in, mix-in, or have as a plain side. They bulk up a meal and make it go further.

Rice  — Same as above.

Lentils and Other Legumes — Lentils are great for bulking up and extending soups and stews. Also consider chickpeas, beans, and other legumes.

Potatoes — Potatoes are great! The can be a great base, addition, or side to many many meals. While these will not last indefinitely, if you keep them cool and dark then they will last quite some time.

Non-Perishable Ingredients and Flavouring

Canned Vegetables — Don’t be picky. Yes, get fresh veggies where you can, but also suck it up and get some canned goods as a back-up. Carrots, peas, beans, tomatoes, all that. They’re good, they taste fine, and go well in so many recipes.

Canned Fruit — Many fruits have a shorter shelf-life, so consider some canned alternatives.

Herbs and Spices — Make sure you have a nice spread of these. It’s easy to grab the base ingredients for food, but if you don’t have something to flavour those meals with, you’ll have a miserable time.

Sauces — Same as above.

Canned Tomatoes and Tomato Paste — Yes, I’m listing this separately because of their versatility. With canned tomatoes, you can make soups, spaghetti, lasagne, chilli, curry...so damn much. So grab a good stock of these.

Perishables

Eggs — Eggs are so damn versatile. Get eggs. When kept in the fridge they keep for a good long time.

Vegetables — Think smart. Get items you know last well in your fridge, and avoid items you usually have to throw-out or use-up within a week or two.

Fruit — Same.

Breads — Same. Also, consider freezing loaves if you have the space to do so. It tastes just as good as fresh, honest.

Frozen

If you have the capacity to get things frozen or to freeze them. Do it. Frozen peas, corn, stir-fry veggies, meats...they last well and taste good.

My Grocery List

This is what I have been buying myself. Not all at once but in multiple trips over the last couple of weeks.

Pantry

Top-up herbs and spices: ground cumin, garam masala, oregano, basil.

Spaghetti pasta

Spiral pasta

Lasagne pasta sheets

Large bag of rice

Flour

Canned tomatoes (4 large cans)

Tomato paste

Canned asparagus

Canned coconut milk (2 cans)

Lentils

Potatoes (6 large)

Onions

Fridge

Eggs (12pc)

Milk

Cheese

Zucchinis (3)

Carrots (large bag)

Lemons (2)

Limes (2)

Bag of spinach

Bell pepper (1)

Crescent Rolls

Freezer

Peas

1kg minced beef

750g stewing beef

Box stuffed chicken breasts (I love ham and cheese and a good addition to any meal)

500g lamb (for curries)

500g stir-fry beef

Household

ONE pack of toilet paper. Seriously. Just get what you personally need.

A couple of small packs of cheap toilet paper from the dollar store.

Pack paper towels

Any cooking materials like tin-foil, parchment paper, that I use regularly.

3-pack tissues (I have killer allergies so I’ll always need them)

Plastic containers for portioning meals in the fridge or freezer.

Meals I have Planned

These aren’t full recipes, but rather a list of ingredients and volumes for grocery references. I might write-up full recipes later if people are interested. 

Lasagne

This is my fav vegetarian lasagne that also have minced meat. It makes around 6-8 servings (depending on home much you eat and size of baking dish).

Lasagne sheets (dried) or just those baby lasagne pasta if you like them better. 4 cups Milk 250g Cheese Butter Flour Nutmeg Chicken stock 3 Large Carrots 3 Large Zucchini Large bag of fresh spinach leaves 400g Canned Tomatoes Fresh/Jarred Garlic 500g minced beef Light Herbs (oregano, basil, etc to taste, but not too much)

Vegetable Stew

Technically a soup, but I never blend it and just eat it as is. Makes 3-4 servings alone and 5-8 servings when served with cooked rice.

2 cups dried lentils (soaked overnight) 1 Large Can Tomatoes (not pre-herbed, just used plain) 2 cups Chicken or Vegetable Stock 2 Large Carrots cubed 2 Large Zucchinis (quartered then cubed) Fresh/Jarred Garlic 1 Tbsp Cumin 1 tsp Ground Coriander Fresh Coriander (lots) Fresh ground peppercorn

Beef Stew

500g Stewing Beef 3 Large Potatoes cubed 3 Large Carrots cubed 1-2 cups Frozen Peas Fresh/Jarred Garlic 2-3 Tbsp Flour Fresh ground peppercorn 1 Large Onion 3-4 cup Beef Stock 3 Tbsp Tomato Paste Rosemary 2 Tbsp Cornstarch

D.’s Curry

This is just and random mash-up curry I make. It can be cooked with or without lamb and both taste great. It is not spicy. Makes 2-3 servings

2 Large Onions (one minces with spaces, one sliced) Fresh/Jarred Garlic Fresh/Jarred Ginger Ground Cumin Ground Coriander Ground Cardamon Whole Cardamon Seeds Whole Cumin Seeds Garam Masala 300ml Uncooked Rice (then cook it, obviously)

Closing thoughts

Once you have these items, don’t use them. Carry on like normal and don't use these items unless you need them. Now I have my meals planned, I am back to making normal meals with what I can get. Always have that TWO WEEK buffer on hand at all times.

Purchase your groceries gradually. Don’t buy out in one go, be considerate. Take only what you need.

Visit multiple locations, sell-outs are not the same everywhere and while one supermarket may be sold out of something, another may still have a fresh stock.

More stocks WILL come. So if you cannot find something, make alternate plans, find a substitute, and return every now and then to check stocks. Supermarkets are constantly restocking as they can.

Be kind to customer service workers. They are just trying to get through this like you are. They are not paid well, have no control over their employers' stocks or decisions. They have the same stress you do and you being an asshole is just causing them MORE stress they do not deserve. Be. Kind. Be. Understanding.

Support others. Friends, family, neighbours, co-workers. We do this together.

DON’T STRESS OUT! Be prepared. Be aware. But don’t become overwhelmed, it will all be FINE. We just have to adapt and ride it out <3

I hope this was helpful. Have further suggestions or any corrections, please do let me know, I’m always happy to correct myself. If you have any questions feel free to comment and message me. And if you want those full recipes likewise let me know!

[jaune-chat]

If this is too many just pick those that you feel like answering haha but here goes:

1, 4, 13, 15, 24, 30, 36, 37, 40, 43, 51, 57, 62 (could be 7 characters, could be more depending on your mood ig lol), 64, 73, 78, 80, 83, 92, and 97

Cheers! ^^

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Yes.  All of the above.  Depends on what I’m drinking. But I like mugs for their warmth and solidity.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? Quiet and a good student. I was/am good at memorizing, so I could pick up things quickly, and I didn’t talk a lot due to shyness + a speech impediment.

13. lanyard or key ring? Key ring. I had literal dozens in high school, most of them on a backpack rather than my keys, but even now I have a few key chains on my key rings.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? All Quiet on the Western Front. It was the only one I remember that was assigned that actually moved and interested me and that I actually reread periodically to this day.

24. favorite crystal? Ooo, that’s tough, because I like a lot, but amethyst is probably my favorite.

30. places that you find sacred? Green spaces. There was an outdoor chapel in a Y camp I went to as a kid that they called the Green Cathedral, due to the tall trees, and that was one of my first meaningful religious experiences.  (I’ve been in a few lovely churches too, where it’s clear the builders really cared about expressing their love for their spirituality, and those are beautiful and sacred too.)

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? While memes certainly existed before the internet (as did I, I grew up without it because it didn’t exist yet), the first I really remember seeing was Cheezburger Cat, “I can haz cheesburger?”

37. suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase. I like the stuff I folded to be in the same place when I get to where I’m going.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? We once had a fire at my high school, started in the woodshop, by a guy who threw an illegal cigarette (he was underage to smoke and smoking wasn’t allowed on school grounds) into a garbage can full of sawdust... on Stamp Out Smoking Day. Which I recall was during cold weather and the school officials didn’t allow us to have our jackets in class, nor let us get our jackets, so we all huddled outside and froze for a long while before they let us go inside (it still stank of smoke everywhere) to get our stuff before letting the whole school go home.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie. If you’re going to have casual outerwear it might as well have a head covering attached so I don’t have one more thing to juggle.

51. current stresses? Other than the pandemic, political and social inequality, and climate catastrophe?  Idiots at work, lack of motivation to get writing done, upswing in my depression symptoms due to the pandemic et al, and possibly a dose of anxiety to top it off.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? My suicidal college depression (still ongoing, but has been more manageable), being able to find and keep a job after being fired from one I had spent nearly ten years working towards, and finding and maintaining friendships once away from school.

62. seven characters you relate to? Herald Talia from Mercedes Lackey’s Heralds of Valdemar series.  Jazz from the novel Artemis by Andy Weir.  Sandra Bennett from the TV show Heroes.  Dumery from The Blood of a Dragon novel by Lawrence Watt-Evans.  Cassandra from the Touchstone series by  Andrea K Höst. Mhera the ottermaid from the novel The Taggerung from the Redwall series by Brian Jacques.  And Resti from the short story Death and the Ugly Woman by Bruce D. Arthurs in the short story collection Sword and Sorceress IV (1987).  (If anyone manages to find this book and this story, trigger warning for sexual assault and death - I did not know this coming into the story, as content warnings were not a thing at that time/and in novels, period. It’s a powerful and well-written story, but it does have dark material.)

64. favorite website from your childhood? Again I grew up pre-internet so I didn’t start surfing the web until I was nearly 12, and the internet was still pretty new to all and sundry. The I Can Has Cheezburger site had the funny memes of the day, so I’ll go with that.

73. favorite weird flavor combo? When the parents would take us to a buffet, I and my sister were allowed to get what we wanted.  We had to get salad first, though, and as I wasn’t a fan of lettuce or a lot of salad vegetables, I would make what I call “cheese salad” (in the best American Midwest/South tradition). It was a combination of cottage cheese, cheese shreds, pepperoni or bacon pieces, hot cheese sauce, and ranch dressing.  Yum!  (I still make a version of this for when I need tasty food in a hurry and can’t be arsed to prepare anything else.)

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? I don’t like coffee at all, and have never had sushi. But as I understand that the quality of fish and preparation really matters in sushi, I am supposing that a specialist sushi restaurant would give a far better experience. Whereas coffee can be drunk for pleasure, but when sufficiently doctored just works for the caffeine boost.  So I’d rather have bad coffee that I can doctor, rather than bad raw fish that can only be doctored so much.

80. earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel Tones. If I could get away with it, I’d decorate my whole house and body with jewel tones.

83. writing or drawing? Writing. My ability to describe something in words far surpasses my ability to recreate it with drawing.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? For pure ambiance in a room?  At night, lamps.  By day, sunlight.  For a magical feel or to uplift myself? Fairy lights.  To find whatever the heck it is I just dropped?  Overhead lights.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? When I was a kid, pre-cell phones?  Probably over a dozen.  Now?  Two, mine and the husband’s. I also have a few old phone numbers rattling around in my skull, and a couple from ads that have burned themselves into my brain.

[clatterbane]

That attempted appointment at the hospital this morning that I mentioned before turned out to be a complete wash. After the worry and literally losing sleep because medical PTSD! 🙃

It was the appointment that somebody called about the same day as another one (confirmed!) coming up in a couple of weeks. Where my half-deaf ass had trouble making out exactly what it was about, or even which department. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I did confirm the time and location more than once on the phone, and figured it would become clearer once the appointment summons letter came.

Only it never did. And I had no clue who to even try to get in touch with about that. Appointment letters never making it here was nothing new, though in past there were no phone calls. I just found out later that I'd missed appointments I knew nothing about. 👿

Anyway, I was extra apprehensive getting ready to go for that, with absolutely no idea what to expect. Or if they would even let us in the hospital without the appointment letter to wave around. But, I didn't see much reasonable choice but to try.

Getting in was no problem, after the now-standard questioning and temperature check rigmarole. They were apparently supposed to make sure I was on the day's list, but nobody even seemed to look at one after I got diverted in through a side door with other people in wheelchairs. (And nobody really paid much attention to Mr. C, much less tried to keep him out. Anonymous Caregivers, I guess.)

We got to the outpatient team where I had been told over the phone to go--and soundly confused the reception staff. 😬

Not only did I have no letter and no idea what specialty it was even supposed to be for, repeatedly admitting that the situation confused the hell out of me too? There was no record of any sort of appointment for me in the system before the one scheduled for in a couple of weeks. Which I did get a letter for after that call, btw.

(It didn't greatly inspire confidence, however, when one of the receptionists got my last name mixed up with another McName, and decided I might have an oncology appointment Wednesday. Then she did notice that I probably was not 84 year old Alfred McWrongname. But, the other lady I got passed over to did indeed seem to know what she was doing, and soon had the right records pulled up.)

At least I am fairly sure now that I am unlikely to miss any other scheduled appointments before the 16th! No clue what other NHS wires may have gotten crossed there, though.

So, that was a lot of wasted time, energy, and anxiety. 🙄

After getting out of there, it seemed like a shame to call for another cab straight home. So, Mr. C suggested the bus via Lidl instead.

That store was absurdly busy for a Monday around lunchtime. He thought so too. I also got pretty stressed at how well people were NOT keeping their distance when we're heading back into another national lockdown in just a few days, cases have been increasing so fast. ☠

I mean, under more normal circumstances I keep having to remind myself that people here seem to be operating off some very different ideas about personal space out in public, and generally don't mean anything by it. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised when they lapse straight back toward what seems normal after a while, even during Pandemic Time.

Doesn't mean it doesn't make me nervous as hell whenever I go around many other people under the ongoing circumstances, though.

Besides a little general grocery shopping, there was a consolation prize, though: some remaining Halloween candy! 😁

I picked the suckers, because why not. The mini candy bars he chose include a couple of wheaty varieties, but another couple that I could eat too. And their store brand stuff is generally good.

So yeah, the appointment was a bust. But, at least we got some candy out of the trip!