#also... man
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im someone who stuggles not to let his curiosity and drive sometimes (often) cross over into an overwhelming and maladaptive need for answers, for explanation, for certainty. someone who, historically, sees making art as a primarily intellectual exercise. this is not inherently a bad thing, we all have our temperaments and this kind of attention can be a strength. but, you know that artist who makes a painting, and then only wants to show it while explaining it to you? thats me, sometimes, more often than i like. every story i used to write had another hundred page document behind it, explicating every single choice -- often i would simply read that, instead of ever actually write the story itself. the explanation precedes everything. the answers alone are the experience.
david lynch's work and philosphy has been and is a vital foothold in my efforts to learn to love the questions as our breath. learn to appreciate intuition and dreams, trust them instead of fear them. learn to see that the world has so much confusing, uncertain, strange beauty, that can be terrifying but turns sublime when you cease rejecting it from fear. when you embrace the unknown and dont try to immediately & anxiously explicate it all away, a whole new world opens up to you. that you need the darkness in order to dream, and you need dreams in order to live fully immersed in what the world has to offer. a foothold in learning to be okay with abstraction, with imperfect subjectivity, with uncertainty. to know it is not anthitetical to truth and meaning. know that to skillfully make ideas come alive into a work *is* to rationally pin them down, but that you cannot lose sight of the intuition they were born as.
his artistic intuition reminds me of what i need to have -- the trust and humility for experiencing the inexplicable and understanding that to be enough. a devotion to ideas and their realisation. a balancing force, for my endless inquiry -- to not forget to live the question in my the search for an answer. to allow some thing to go without clear or universal explanation, allow for some things to remain unresolved, allow for others to have that be their resolution. it's why his work equal parts captivates me and disturbs me -- i am very bad at this. but feel in my heart a need to get better at it. to be a better artist, a better thinker, a better searcher, a better person. you need to feel it, intuitively, quiet your endless noisy need for an answer and simply let it fill you up, let it resonate intuitively, and find in that how life makes sense to you and you alone. mediation, mindfulness, humility to sit with abstraction without trying to pin it down. more and more i try to understand this. some things don't need to make perfect sense. some things dont need answers, or their answers are not the point. some things dont need anything but to be experienced as they enter you -- like dreams do. that can lead you to the answer, and that can also be enough in itself. that can be just an intrinsic value in being alive to experience it. and so often, it is all in conversation with the search for joy. it's why he feels so captivating, so unique, so tremendously alive. why people use the word "visionary" when talking about him. because he knew how to use his medium in all the potential he could see, so that it let you live in the strangeness and questions. he understood them as sublime, he understood them as enough, he understood them as a joy. he understood them as beautiful. and his memory will remind me to do the same; always to seek the space to dream.
#(in dreams / oh in dreams / the snake will find its tail)#i am! a guy! who likes! answers!!#someone who resolves his fear of monsters in the closet by picking up a flashlight and brazenly throwing open the door!!#but at my worst i am also extremely anxious and thus avoidant!!#so i will resolve my fear of monsters in the closet by opening the doors wide and then simply pretending to see whats inside#searching for answers without the bravery to sit with questions#this makes me worse!! it makes me worse!!!!#thank you david lynch for reminding me over and over again that the way to stop being afraid of the dark#is to not stop at all#but instead embrace that disquiet. open the closet door wide as it will get. turn off the flashlight#and simply sit in front of it#observing -- simply observing -- whatever shapes emerge#letting them fill you up#and then doing something with them#also... man#lynch is one of the few things my mom and i almost completely agree on and could connect through#despite everything i feel like she gets this necessity for humility and curiosity and quieting down your need for answers#and not to get overshary on the tumblrs but it is a source of friction at times#because of my me and like. the abuse. i dont want someone whose failure of self knowledge gave me cptsd to tell me i should *think less*#but idk it's precious that through lynch we find a common ground in which to agree about it#i think i get what she was trying to tell me a little better now. or maybe what she would've liked to be trying to tell me#idk tldr i had a violent childhood where nothing made sense and everything was scary so now i struggle not to be desperate for#certainty and knowledge as protection. and the way i always found that was through art and philosophy so. yeah.#lynchs work helps me like... calm down a bit about that and do it better#to learn to love the strange and the confusing and the disquieting not see it always as a threat#to sit in the dark and see it for what it is. painful and beautiful. tender and hard. its deeply relieving. its good#hole in the world dude im gonna miss him really bad all i can feel rn is sadness gratitude and joy#forever in dreams#david lynch#mine
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When a fic doesn’t fit my head canons but it’s well-written

#I don’t think xy OR z happened but damn if this isn’t compelling#‘he would never do that. next chapter’#also it’s good to look beyond our own perceived ideas of the narrative and be fascinated by others takes#I’m only reading fanfics from one fandom so#gravity falls#fiddauthor#fan fiction#ao3#old man yaoi#the office#dwight schrute#screencaps
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good thing from jp twitter this week is queen of old man yaoi michiru sonoo discovering the term old man yaoi





update: somehow it got impossibly more wholesome



quick translation: おかえり: welcome home あ 終わった 終わった: ahhh, it's over! it's done! コーヒー? お茶?: coffee? tea? コ~ヒ~ ありがと: coffee, thank you~ ネクタイレア★★ ネクタイ取るレア★★★★: seeing him with a tie on, rarity level ★★, seeing him take a tie off, rarity level ★★★★ にあうな~: it suits him~





also please do follow: AraigumaSha: sensei's twitter account marureviere: maru, who does such valuable work highlighting bl manga for an international audience
#'this is my old man yaoi masterpiece' <3333#soooooo cute she is SO excited and pleased about it and so giddily interacting with international fans about it#and marvelling to japanese fans like: did you guys know about this??? old man yaoi \o\ \o/#psttt michiru-sensei you want to do a severance doujinshi soooo bad. please.#meanwhile foul thing from jp twitter this week is the man boasting about how he made deepfake p*rn of his girlfriend's best friend#because he couldn't stop thinking about her#and also he thought he was being such a Good Boyfriend he actually told his girlfriend about it#and he was furious she was furious#he was like women........ i'm doing this for the good of our relationship but women never understand our (men's) sacrifices#you know all those doombait articles about how japan is going to go extinct#maybe that should happen.#anyway. let old man yaoi heal you until then.#michiru sonoo#manga#yaoi#twitter#old man yaoi#queer#gay#long post#lgbt#japan#japanese
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god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait
#executive dysfunction#shitpost#every day I get stuck in waiting mode for SO LONG and SO MANY TIMES#that one time I tried adhd meds it fixed it but then I. was like no I am going to be scared and not continue taking it <3#and also. I simply did not like the psychologist and did not want to have to go back#so. rawdogging the world <3#man if I could start a task right now...then you'd see...then you'd all see....
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I turn to Ares.
Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK
⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon
#greek mythology#ares#athena#greek gods#dont get me wrong it aint athena slander but it sure is ares praise#on some level at least#man justly accused of bad things deserves some mid praise more at 11#thank you romi for helping me with words though i duly noted you insisted on ares not being cautious rather than him not being careful#romi be like “i want him to care” and honestly good you should say it#also EPIC led to this and i just..... i want to draw some animatics man i just need infinite time now#my long lost love for greek myths just will never stop coming and they dont stop coming and they dont stop coming#i want some vulture design in here for ares but not sure about this one#kochei doodles
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someone on twitter said Imagine what s2 jayce would give to talk to s1 viktor just one more time. and someone had a time travel alternate dimension fic ready to go. and i read it. and now my face is being eaten by 3750 feral dogs i think
#thisss wass going to be just one little sketch lord help me#the guys you put on this earth to finish their psych degrees are drawing pathetic men again#jayvik#arcane#viktor arcane#jayce talis#my art#fanart#i have uni and work and also therapy to do but i got sick this week so i think i read like. over 30 fics yesterday like i was struck#by some affliction legitimately#please talk with me about them. this is a cry for help#i drew all these while listening to circa survive on repeat do you understand what that does to a man
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Posting a Tiktok I really enjoy since she’s going away 😔
#not that i went there too often#but man if i needed to look up quick weightlifting form videos it ruled#also if you’ve ever the experienced the above…#it really feel like that
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reading a fic and they have a canonically repressed character say something directly and proudly
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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I’ve been in a “cybertruck owners only” group for a year now just to watch posers try to haul over towing capacity but it has yielded something more beautiful lately
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some of my favourite spongebob moments are when they accentuate the gag w/ a live-action punchline
#also ft. aaron springer. tom kenny and nickelodeon security guard don newhouse#altho as a kid I did always think that was ernest borgnine bc of mermaid man#spongebob squarepants#cartoons#videos
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missed the mark by (looks at calendar) uhhh. hm. but I really wanted to do something for the 5th anniversary! happy five years to these idiots 🎉
#art#twisted wonderland#twst 5th anniversary#i'll stop for a while now i promise i just wanted to get this out#genuinely feels a bit weird to be 5 years in already huh!#that combined with having finally finished up episode 7...#oh no all the milestones hit at once help#hold on while i reminisce for a moment#because MAN i did not expect the anime disney boy game to become so special to me#(especially my little wet rat dragon and his family)#to be fair 2020 onward was uhhh let's say prime timing for a piece of silly and unapologetically indulgent media#(not to get too real here or anything but let's just say that. some of the stuff in 7 specifically did hit a bit harder than it should've.)#but also just. you know how it goes.#sometimes a thing doesn't so much speak to you as it reaches out and grabs you by the throat#with an intensity that shocks and bewilders no one more than you#and sure you can ignore it because having any emotions about media beyond faint scorn is of course the epitome of ~cringe~#but you could also just throw yourself wholeheartedly into it#and lemme tell you one of those options is a hell of a lot more fun#idk i'm just kinda rambling here#it's been a weird five years but i'm glad to have had these guys for it#and hey if nothing else it gave us meleanor#the inside of my brain at any given point is just the 'do it for her' meme covered in pictures of our late great dragon princess#i would not have it any other way
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“They gave me runway in this film. There’s one monologue in there. I can’t tell you the details of it. I say more words in that monologue than I said in an entire movie once as Wolverine. But there are sides of the character that I’ve been scratching at for 24 years […] There is stuff in this movie where I was like, ‘This is the thing I’ve been trying to get out’ and I feel so excited about it.”
— Hugh Jackman talking about Logan in Deadpool & Wolverine (x)
#genuinely so happy that logan got a whole monologue in this movie#HE TALKS SO MUCH NOW was literally my immediate reaction to this movie#i love seeing this man express himself and aaaa i just love worstie logan so very much#also lmao i love wade's line#HUGH BEING HAPPY ABOUT THIS LOGAN PORTRAYAL MAKES ME HAPPY TOO#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool & wolverine#logan howlett#worst wolverine#wolverine#james logan howlett#james howlett#hugh jackman#deadpool 3#poolverine
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You're just not toxic enough.
#the apothecary diaries#maomao#jinshi#When she loves poison as much as she does...this really isn't as big of an insult as it may seem.#'I'd rather poison myself' from a girl who genuinely wants to eat the poison? Not bad!#This was a thank you gift for a friend who helped me out of a tough situation. I hope you enjoy this!#I am so sorry I still haven't finished season one yet. I promise I'll get to it eventually.#Maomao is a really fun protagonist and as a mystery lover - the detective plots she finds herself in are very enjoyable.#Even if she doesn't want to be part of them. Girl who just wants to mind her own business but keeps getting hired to snoop around.#Jinshi is a great character in his own right. He is also a wet little clown that I want to wring out and leave in the sun to dry.#Man...now I want to finish season one...I miss them...
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MONKEY MAN (2024)
#augh it was so good i couldn't stop thinking about it#and also i need to rewatch it because i kept getting distracted by dev patel's big beautiful eyes.....#does he have a licence for those#the mythology the politics the sectarian strife the hijra community and outsiders... he wove so many things together so beautifully#and also. he gave us an adorable dog. which is necessary to me.#and also he took his shirt off multiple times.#monkey man#dev patel#vipin sharma#spoilers#long post#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqia
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