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marvelous-writer · 2 years

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Sleepless Autumn Nights

Summary: In which Peter can’t sleep while he’s staying at the Stark cabin but he isn’t the only one.

Whumptober Day 9: Tossing and Turning & Day 10: Alt. #15: Tears

@whumptober @whumptober-archive

Rating: G

Word Count: 3,168

Genre: whump, hurt/comfort, fluff, humor

Link to read on AO3

It’s close to four-thirty as Peter finds himself lying in bed, staring up at the dark ceiling in his room at the cabin. He’s been lying awake in bed since eleven-thirty once he came upstairs after watching a movie in the living room with Tony and Pepper after she put Morgan to bed.

That was five and a half hours ago.

Five and a half hours of him blinking up at the dark ceiling, his exhaustion weighing him down but his brain not allowing him to sleep.

And this isn’t the first night he’s experienced this.

He’s been having a difficult time going to bed for weeks now, getting a mere couple hours here and there every night but it’s been getting progressively worse these past few days, resulting in him getting an hour or two at night or even in the day like yesterday when he fell asleep on the couch playing a board game with Morgan.

Peter lets out a sigh as he rolls over on his side, facing the window in his room. He can see the moonlight reflecting on the tips of the pine trees outside since he’d forgotten to draw the curtains, he was so tired earlier.

He still is.

His body is crying for him to just pass out but he can’t stop his thoughts from racing. He’s been worrying about the whole college situation, worrying that Ned and MJ are away at college with their new friends and they’ll forget all about him, if MJ has met anyone at college that’s better than him and she wants to date them instead, he’s worrying if he’s making an impact on the city as Spider-Man and if he’s doing enough, if he’s good enough, he’s worrying about keeping his family and friends safe, and he’s worried that he’s just a failure in life and he’ll never amount to anything because he’s just such a mess!

Peter’s thoughts are racing a mile a minute, causing his head to start hurting from it and the growing exhaustion weighing him down.

He lets out another sigh as he closes his eyes, balling his hands into fists where they lay on the mattress underneath the warm covers, escaping the chilly autumn air blowing in through his window he also forgot to shut.

He tries to ignore the tightness building in his chest, the all-too familiar crippling anxiety that threatens to completely take over him.

Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. He repeats in his head.

Peter lays there for a few long minutes, trying to focus on the sound of the lake, hearing the water softly sloshing up against the wooden dock in hopes it will calm his mind and let him doze off.

The sound usually does the trick… but not tonight.

No surprise there.

Peter lets out a frustrated groan as he rips his pillow out from underneath him and shoves it over his head, letting out a loud, muffled groan.

Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to freaking sleep.

He’s so exhausted all he wants to do is just pass out.

The tightness in his chest grows and he swears that he can feel his heartbeat starting to increase. He tightly bunches his comforter in his hands, mindful not to rip it, as he lays there, feeling like he’s on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Something’s wrong with him.

Maybe he’s just going crazy.

“Peter you appear to be in distress and are showing symptoms of a panic attack. Shall I get Mr. Stark for you?” Friday’s voice softly comes through the speakers on the ceiling, casing him to flinch at the suddenness of it.

Tony always knows what to do in situations like this and he’s an expert at helping Peter feel better. But he’s probably sleeping and the last thing Peter is going to do is wake him up, and risk waking Pepper up in the process. He’s not a baby, he can take care of himself. At least that’s what he keeps telling himself.

Peter lets out a sigh as he tosses his pillow away from him to the other side of his bed as he sits up, scrubbing a hand down his face.

“No, I’m good, Friday.” Peter says.

“Are you sure?”

He nods as he throws his comforter off his legs and gets out of bed. “Yeah . Thanks though.”

Peter stands there next to his bed for a few long seconds, debating on what he should do. Maybe he should look up some online colleges like Matt had suggested a few days ago. He glances over at his clock and sees that it’s just about five in the morning.

He lets out another sigh adds rubs his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment before he drops his hand.

Might as well stay up now. He thinks to himself as he grabs his Midtown hoodie from the back of his desk chair and shrugs it on over his t-shirt, feeling a shiver race through him as his feet pad on the cold hardwood floor on his way to his bedroom door. He grabs his laptop from his desk as well.

If he’s going to stay up and look around at potential college options, he definitely needs some coffee to focus.

It’s dark as he steps in the hallway, now with the moon having moved from where it was half and hour ago. He quietly makes his way towards the stairs and heads down, being mindful to avoid stepping too long on the particularly squeaky steps so he doesn’t wake anyone up.

When Peter reaches the bottom step, he walks over to the kitchen, letting out a yawn as he flips the lights on. He gently places his laptop on the center island countering before he goes over to the Keurig coffee maker and takes out the water reservoir and takes it over to the sink to fill it up with water. When it’s filled, he brings it back and snaps it back into the machine as quietly as he can before grabbing a single serve k-cup and popping it in. He takes out a mug from the cabinet above and puts it under where the coffee will soon drip out from.

Peter leans his hip against the counter, folding his arms over his chest as he lets out a long, silent yawn, just as the coffee maker warms up and starts to make the coffee. He winces at the loudness of the whirring noises it makes as the coffee starts to dribble out and into his mug, praying that it doesn’t wake anyone. He’d hate to be the reason for anyone to lose sleep.

It takes only a few minutes until his mug is full of black coffee and he grabs it, adding a splash of milk to it before he picks it up and takes a sip. A slight cold shiver races through him as he sips at the warm drink, heading back to the counter to retrieve his laptop so he can bring it in the living room. Peter places his mug down on the end table next to the couch and flips the lamp on, illuminating the room in a soft, golden glow before he plops down on the comfy chaise section of the couch.

He crosses his legs together and places his laptop on his lap before opening it and turning it on, sipping at his coffee as he waits for it to boot up. When it does, he goes on the internet to Google and searches ‘online colleges in NYC area for both biochemistry and engineering.’

Unfortunately, it seems as though MIT doesn’t offer any online programs but the ones that do are Empire State, Columbia University, Barnard College, NYU, Hamilton College and SUNY College.

Peter lets out a sigh as he looks at the long list on one website, deciding to take a deeper look into NYU and Columbia’s online program from the good reviews and the cost. Thankfully, he got quite a few scholarships when he graduated from Midtown, so that will definitely help with getting in to one of these schools if he chooses to go.

And it’s not that he doesn’t want to go to college… it’s just that his life is so crazy and he’s such a mess he just hasn’t decided what exactly he wants to do with his life.

He’ll figure it out, one way or another.

He has to.

Peter winds up getting lost online, writing a few notes down in his notes on his laptop on the online bachelor degree program at NYU for biochemistry and engineering. He could always major in one and minor in the other, but that’s going to be a lot of work he’ll have to do. But he would have more career options, so that could open a lot of doors for him. He rubs at his eyes a few times that are growing increasingly heavy and achy from staring at the bright screen light, no matter how much he dims it. His eyes are always more sensitive when he’s tired, especially with his powers and heightened senses.

He’s so invested in reading an online article on one of the programs, he doesn’t hear the squeaky floorboards on the stairs before the main living room light is flipped on, causing him to jump in his seat and look up, only to see Tony standing at the bottom of the stairs in his slippers and bathrobe, looking like he had just woken up.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Tony says with an apologetic smile.

Peter lets out a shaky breath, offering him a small smile. “It’s okay.”

Tony takes a few steps into the living room and stops in front of the coffee table, studying Peter before he eyes Peter’s now empty coffee mug on the nightstand. “How long have you been down here?” He asks.

Peter shrugs as he looks at the time on his laptop screen before he closes his eyes and yawns, stretching his arms up over his head. “An hour or two.”

Tony’s frown deepens into one of concern. “Did you even go to bed?”

Peter drops his arms and looks up at Tony as he walks over and sits down next to him on the couch. “Would you believe me if I said yes?”

“Oh, Pete…” Tony says sympathetically before he lets out a small sigh. “We’ve talked about this plenty of times, kiddo. If you’re having a rough night, you can come to me.”

Peter shrinks back into the couch a little. “I know… I just didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Why?”

Peter shrugs as he picks at a loose piece of lint on the sleeve of his hoodie. “I don’t want you to lose sleep because of me and my stupid problems.”

Tony reaches over and places a hand on his shoulder, giving him a soft, concerted look. “Peter, your problems are my problems and they are not stupid. What’s an hour or two of lost sleep for me when you’re not getting any at all, hmm?”

Peter bites the inside of his cheek as he looks off to the side, unsure of what to say to that.

“Whatcha reading?” Tony asks after a few beats of silence as he looks at Peter’s laptop that has NYU’s engineering degree program up on the screen.

“Uh… just looking into some college options,” Peter says, giving a one shouldered shrug, looking up at him.

“Yeah? What schools are you looking at?” Tony asks as a smile pulls at the corners of his mouth, looking back at Peter. “Are you thinking about going?”

Peter bites the inside of his cheek again, harder. He knows Tony wants him to go to MIT more than anything in the world but Peter doesn’t want to be away from home. He just doesn’t know how to tell him that without breaking his heart.

Matt’s wise words from a few days ago echo in his mind: “As for Tony, knowing how much he loves and cares about you… I think if you told him the truth he would understand. You just have to be honest with him, Peter.”

Peter closes his eyes for a moment, taking in a deep breath.

Just tell him the truth. Be honest, like Matt said. He thinks to himself.

“I…” he starts, feeling the tightness in his chest once again as he licks his lips. He opens his eyes and looks at Tony. “I don’t want to go to MIT.” He blurs out before he can convince himself not to say it.

Tony doesn’t react for a few seconds, long enough to worry Peter.

“That’s okay.” Tony simply says, clearly not upset at all by it, taking him completely off guard.

“A-And… you’re… okay with that?” Peter hesitantly asks.

Tony frowns. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He asks.

“W-Well… I know how much you wanted me to go a-and you and I went on a tour a while back.”

“Of course, I went there but I want you to go where you want to, Pete. This is all about you. You’re the one that’s going, not me. I’ve already done my time.” Tony says with a chuckle.

Peter feels his chest tighten at the mention of going. “A-About that… I… I have been thinking… what if I… tried going online?”

Tony raises his eyes brows as he nods. “Yeah? That could be a good option.”

Peter frowns, blinking in surprise at how okay he’s being with all of this. “You’re… okay with that?”

“Of course I am. I know a lot of people who’s kids are doing online college.” Tony says with a smile.

“Oh…” Peter says as he looks at the screen blankly, starting to feel like a complete idiot for making such a big deal out of this and not talking it over with him sooner.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you for awhile about college… but I know how hard things have been for you lately, Pete,” Tony says, leaning his head down to the side to meet his eyes. “I haven’t wanted to push you making any decisions and I’m still not. I think you taking a gap year is a great thing. You need a break, Pete. And whatever school and whatever form of attendance you decide on, you have my full support.”

Peter just looks at him for a few seconds, letting his words sink in.

The next unexpected thing happens.

A lump forms in his throat as tears immediately spring to Peter’s eyes.

Tony must notice because his brows pull together in concern. “Awe, Pete, is that why you’ve avoided talking about college whenever I mention it to you?”

Peter blinks, feeling warm tears slide down his cheeks. He wipes them away with his hoodie sleeves as he nods. “I-I know how much you wanted me to go to MIT a-and how important that is t-to you. But h-honestly… I don’t want to go away to college and dorm. I want to stay h-here, with you a-and everyone. I’ve just… I’ve lost s-so much… s-so much time with you, Morgan a-and I’ve been going and going for so many years, e-especially after the blip.”

Tony’s face falls as he leans forward and takes Peter’s laptop off his lap and puts it on the coffee table before wrapping his arms around Peter in a tight, warm hug. “Awe, Pete… why haven’t you told me all this?”

Peter wetly sniffs. “I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Pete, there’s nothing you could ever do that would disappoint me. I’m so damn proud of you—and I can speak for May too. We all love and care about you so much and if you want to stay here and do college online, then I’m going to do everything I can to help you and make it happen. Whatever you need, kiddo you’ve got it. Okay?”

Peter nods against Tony’s shoulder, weakly smiling at that as warmth blossoms inside of him. “Okay.”

They remain like that for a few long moments until Tony pulls away. “Is that why you haven’t been sleeping?”

Peter frowns. “How do you know about that?”

“Pete, I’m a dad and you’re my kid. I know these things.” Tony says, giving him a knowing look with a warm smile.

Peter shrugs. “I guess it has a lot to do with it but… there’s just so much going on in my head, I can’t… turn it off, you know?”

Tony nods. “It sounds like you’re dealing with some insomnia. I have a fix for it after years of experience under my belt but coffee isn’t it.” He says, gesturing to Peter’s empty mug on the coffee table.

Peter sheepishly smiles at that. “Well… I did need it for some research?”

“Uh huh,” Tony says as he gets up from the couch. “Come on. It’s six fifteen and you need to get some sleep.”

“But I-”

Tony raises an eyebrow and gives him his famous Dad look.

Peter lets out a sigh, his shoulders dropping. “Okay...” he says as he stands up, his whole body feeling weighed down and achy with exhaustion.

He follows behind Tony as they head upstairs, blinking as he clears his vision when it blurs out slightly on him. He thankfully makes it up the stairs without any trouble, despite how heavy his legs feel, following Tony down the hallway to his room.

When they step inside, Tony goes over to the window and shuts it, as well as drawing the curtains. Peter gets into bed without even taking his sweatshirt off, shivering at the feeling of his cold bedsheets. He feels the bed dip next to him and he turns his head as Tony settles down next to him.

“All comfy?” Tony asks him.

“Mmm, not yet…” Peter says as he wiggles closer to Tony until he’s at his side, resting his head on his shoulder. “…now I am.”

Tony chuckles at that, the sound rumbling in his chest against Peter’s ear as he pulls the comforter up over Peter’s shoulder. “Close your eyes and don’t try to force yourself into falling asleep. Just try to let it happen.” He says.

Peter closes his eyes, listening to the sound of Tony’s heartbeat against his ear and inhaling the familiar and comforting smell of him, feeling a wave of calmness washing over him.

They stay like that for a long while, and Peter feels himself actually start to drift off. He can faintly hear Pepper downstairs in the kitchen, starting her day but it’s soon drowned out as another powerful wave of tiredness washes over him, pulling him in deeper.

He feels Tony’s warm hand start to card through his hair and Peter lets out a long, content breath at the soothing sensation.

“Sleep tight, kiddo.” He hears Tony softly whisper to him before falling asleep.