#an ordinary person might be unable to tell the difference

[vivwritesfics]

Sleepless

She's struggling to sleep, and it's all Bucky's fault

warnings: violence, choking, nightmares, angst

Her hands clawed at his wrist, trying to pry his metal hand away from her neck. As desperate as she was to suck in deep breaths, air wasn't reaching her lungs. Oh God, she was so damn dizzy.

There he stood before her, mask covering his mouth. His dark hair hung limp around his face and his blue eyes stared at her, furious. Metal fingers wrapped around her neck, his grip bruising. He was gonna kill her, and he didn't even care.

"Please," she gasped as she dropped her hands away from his wrist. But she just couldn't hold on anymore.

"Bucky!"

His head whipped to the left. A second later he dropped her, body falling as he released her neck. Even as she hit the ground she was sucking in desperate gasps of air as her attacker ran.

She awoke with a gasp, desperately trying to suck in deep breaths. Her hand was against her chest but, every time she shut her eyes, she saw her attacker.

"Doll?" Her husband asked, voice groggy as he reached towards her. But the moment his metal fingers brushed against the skin of her thigh, she was flinching away.

Bucky sat up at that. He couldn't hide the flash of hurt in his eyes, but he couldn't exactly blame her.

He didn't remember what he'd done, didn't remember who or what he was during that stage of his life. He wasn't Bucky. He was some mindless beast who killed whoever got between him and his mission.

They met again a good few years after this. He was a different person when they met again. He was Bucky Barnes, a war hero (several times over), a soldier, and a man who had celebrated his one hundred and something birthday.

The bruises had long since faded from her neck when she met him again. She hadn't forgotten the man that had choked her, but she hadn't seen enough of his face to pick him out in the crowd. But still, she'd never forget the way his hair fell around his face, just how angry his eyes were.

She didn't recognise him and Bucky didn't recognise her, even once he'd helped clean the coffee that he'd spilled on her. (Now, you might be thinking, how didn't she see his arm and freak? It wasn't something Bucky liked to just have out and about as he walked around. No, he wore long sleeves and had a single, leather glove covering his hand. His hair was cut and his eyes were so sweet). He asked her on a date and the rest was, well, history.

Even on the date, Bucky wore long sleeves and that glove. He saw her gaze lingering on his hand, but she didn't ask. And Bucky wasn't ready to tell.

She didn't find out until the first time she took him back to her apartment. Her legs were wrapped around him as he stumbled back into her couch, sitting down and placing her on his lap. Groans left his lips as she kissed down his neck.

But then he stopped her, gently pulled her away. "Doll," he said as his flesh hand cradled her head. "I need to show you something."

It was early in the relationship, but it was something Bucky couldn't hide anymore. He picked her up from his lap and sat her down beside him.

His leg bounced and he dug his nails into his thighs. "Before I show you, I need to explain," he said. He tried to being his sentence a couple of times over, but it wasn't happening. Giving up, he let out a sigh, head dropping forward. "Have you ever heard of the Winter Soldier?"

A dry laugh left her lips. "Are you kidding me, Buck? That psycho tried to kill me," she said as she looked at him, head falling against the back of the sofa.

He swallowed, mouth dry. But he had to keep going.

Slowly, Bucky began peeling off his gloves off of his fingers. "The Winter Soldier is an ordinary man," Bucky began, unable to meet her eye. "The ordinary side of him doesn't know what the Winter Soldier side of him has done. He doesn't know the people he's hurt, doesn't know the ways in which he's hurt them."

He slipped his shoulder down and a gasp left her lips. "No," she gasped, backing away from him.

"Doll, I swear I've never hurt you. I'm not the Winter Soldier," he said quickly. But he didn't reach towards her. "It's.. hard to explain. But I'm not the Winter Soldier. I need you to know that it wasn't me."

It took a lot of time, but Bucky explained it to her. They had to start things again. So early in their relationship and they had to start everything again. But Bucky was willing. As long as she had him, he was gonna do whatever he could to keep it that way.

Here they were a year later.

Clarity overcame her features as she looked down at Bucky. "Fuck," she hissed and wiped at her eyes. "I'm sorry, Buck. I-I had a nightmare."

He sat up slightly. His arms were open, allowing her to crawl inside of them and rest against him if she wanted to. "I know, Doll," he said. Her eyes moved to his metal hand as he own hand reached forwards her throat, feeling for the phantom bruises that had disappeared so long ago.

For a moment she just sat there, knees tucked up to her chest and her cheek resting against her knee. The sight broke Bucky's heart.

What were you meant to do when you were the person that terrified the love of your life more than anything? Bucky wiped his hand over his face and climbed out of the bed. He pulled shorts up his legs to cover himself up and headed out to the kitchen.

She watched him go and her heart dropped. She was fucking everything, and she knew it. Fuck, she loved this man so much. Everything was fine while she was awake, but the moment she shut her eyes, she was terrified.

"Shit," she groaned and wiped her eyes again. She climbed out of bed and grabbed a hold of Bucky's shirt. Pulling it over her head, she pulled it up to her nose and breathed in.

And then she set off, bare feet padding against the floor as she headed to the kitchen. "Buck," she called as she walked down the hall and into the kitchen.

There Bucky was, sitting at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee. "It's the middle of the night," she muttered as she walked over and pulled the cup away from him. "You're not gonna be able to sleep."

He looked at her, but his expression was unreadable. "Bucky," she tried as she stepped into his arms. He didn't move to wrap his arms around her, and her heart leapt into her throat. "I-I love you. You know that, right?"

He gave a nod. "I know, Doll," he mumbled and stood up. "Want me to get you some water?"

Her hand reached up to cup his jaw. "I want you to tell me you love me," she said, head cocked to the side.

Bucky brought his flesh hand up to rest over her own. "I love you, Doll." He to a pause to suck in a breath. "I just wish it wasn't me that you're scared of."

"Buck, I know I'm scared of him, not you. I know you're not him."

She reached down to take his metal hand in her own. Bringing it up to her lips, she kissed his thumb. "You're my everything, Buck," she whispered and dropped his hand. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him. This time, Bucky let his arms wrap around her.

No man had ever looked at her with so much love in his eyes. He dropped his forehead against her own. "I can sleep on the couch tonight," he offered.

"Don't you fucking dare."

A small grin split across his face. "Yes ma'am."

[theresattrpgforthat]

It would be awesome if you could recommend some solo ttrpgs! I've been getting into them a lot lately and want to know more of what's out there. Especially journalling ones, as I enjoy creative writing. So far I've looked into (and will probably buy soon) Firelights, Apawthecaria, and Fox Curio's Floating Bookshop.

Also, I love this blog a ton. Already there have been some awesome games I've learned about from you, including the one you're currently working on. Excited to give it a try sometime! Keep being amazing 💜.

Theme: Solo Journalling Games

Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm certainly excited to run Protect the Child for folks, play-testing it so far has been really fun!

As for your ask, solo games and journalling go hand in hand. These next few games are just a sampling of what I've added recently to my Solo Games folder on Itch.

Cats Know Things, by Mushroom Witch Games.

CATS KNOW THINGS is a light-hearted game meant to tell a humorous story of intrigue, all while pretending to be a very nosy cat. 

But you are no ordinary cat.

You are a very special feline who, through some magic you cannot explain, can communicate with your human, an individual who wishes to make their mark in society by any means necessary. The two of you decide to start a society page, (a very fancy type of tabloid newspaper dedicated to a particular location) revealing the glitz, glamour, and inner turmoil of the town’s most notable individuals. 

Use a d6 and a d10 to generate numbers, and sneak into places to listen into secret or private conversations. Then bring this news to your human companion, so that they may relay this gossip in the local society page. You need to find 6-8 scintillating stories before the week is up, so that your human has enough to print.

If you want a game full of scandal and cute furry little rumour-mongers, this might be the game for you!

Lingering, by Meghan Cross.

The last thing you remember, you were dying.

Now, breath fills your lungs once more and your eyes open, slowly shifting side to side as you attempt to regain your bearings. You are alive. But you are…changed. Your human form is gone, and in its place is one that is different, foreign, animal…

In Lingering, you play as a person who has died, only to find yourself alive again in an animal form, unable to move on to your eternal rest until you settle business left unsettled from your life. 

Throughout the course of a game, you will make several attempts to communicate with a chosen human, hoping to convey a message to them so they can assist you and help you move on once and for all. 

This game uses a deck of cards and some guiding adjectives to determine how your attempts at communication will go. Over eight rounds, you’ll flip cards while guessing as to whether each card will be higher or lower than the previous one, and a successful guess means a successful interaction. The details of those attempts are what you’ll be journalling, and Lingering provides a number of questions that you might try to answer with each attempt.

This game takes place over eight rounds, so it’s excellent if you want a short, contained game. It also has a two-player option if you want to try this game out with a loved one.

Dragon Dowser, by HatchlingDM.

Dragon Dowser is a solo journaling RPG using the Carta SRD by Peach Garden Games. You play a mysterious character known as a 'Dowser'. Your aim is to locate abandoned dragon eggs and return them to your Sanctuary. If you succeed before expending your resources, the hatchling you rescue will be reared to change the kingdom forever! 

This is a lovingly crafted game that uses card suits to represent four different kinds of ways your character will be tested, as they interact with different cultures, explore new landscapes, and dea with various conflicts, both human and nature-made.

You’ll travel across a grid of cards that provide you with journaling prompts as you travel. You’ll expend resources to overcome obstacles, looking for a dragon egg, represented by an Ace! Once you return this egg to a sanctuary, you’ll journal about your experience of raising the hatchling. Based on the games you’ve mentioned so far, I think Dragon Dowser is right up your alley.

EDEN, by blasez-faire.

You are Judaiah Clark, the Head Botanical Researcher at the Southern Sector of Eden. You are here for exactly 10 days, and were a last minute choice after the sudden disappearance of ■■■■■■ ■■■■■, the last person to hold this position. You are not here for work. Investigate.

EDEN is a single-page game that takes place over the course of 10 in-game days, with two questions that you will have to answer in your journal for every day. You are expected to write up a report with detailed notes, so much of the extrapolation taken from each pair of questions is going to come from your own imagination. To help with this you might want to come up with names for other characters, draw a map of the Southern Sector, or go into detail about the plants that this research station grows.

One thing is for sure - this is going to be a horror story. If you like games that give you a lot of room to stretch your creative wings, and you also like writing terrible endings for your characters, you might like this game.

Black Mountain Numbers Station, by Simon de Vet.

You wake one morning to the sound of a voice on the radio reading a series of numbers. On impulse, you jot them down. These numbers will become your life.

Black Mountain Numbers Station is a one-page, solo-journaling game about a mysterious broadcast, and about finding patterns in randomness. Using a unique dice mechanic to prompt you to describe your journey, you will tell a short story of obsession, frustration, and discovery.

This game is uses a 6x6 grid with boxes that you’ll need to fill when you roll a pair of dice. You’ll trigger evens when you roll doubles or find a certain pattern on the grid as you fill it, and in both of these cases, you’ll write special journal entries. The game ends when you fill your Frustration track, which symbolizes listening for too long without learning anything new. What exactly you learn, however, is up to you.

Bound, by K Ramstack.

Bound is a single player setting agnostic game about the connection between two people as they travel to a destination through the destruction of the world on a journey they will most likely not complete.

You will create two characters, their relationship to one another, the destruction that haunts them, and the motive for them to move forward.

During the game, you will be asked to write scenes in first person, switching perspectives between characters, and using their personality traits and subjective conceptualizations of each other to answer prompts.

Bound has a single and two-player version, and uses two decks of playing cards, one for each character. Each card will relate to a prompt on the prompt table, but only the highest ranked prompt will be answered. Each prompt will ask a question about the relationship, and how it changes.

If you want a deeply emotional game with a beautiful layout and lovely art, this is the game for you.

The Narrator Paradox, by psychound.

The Narrator Paradox is a one page solo-narrating game where you try to tell a story … if your protagonist will let you. In it, you determine the five acts of your story based on an oracle, then make rolls for your plot beats to see if you can wrangle your protagonist into the prescribed narrative. If you can't, they defy you and take the story into their own hands. Wrestle the story into shape against a rebellious hero, or lose them forever and have to finish the story without them in it. 

Using the Major Arcana of a tarot deck, two six-sided dice and a coin, The Narrator Paradox has a number of different ways that you’ll try to keep your story on track. However, with so much randomness, your protagonist is sure to have a mind of their own. This feels very much in tune with how many writers talk about their characters as if those characters have their own desires, so if you’ve ever related to that you might enjoy this game.

Also Check Out...

My Solo Games tag! I use this tag for every recommendation post specifically for solo games.

[qqueenofhades]

Okay, y'all. I had An Dream (TM) last night that I need to run by you, because, in short, What the Fuck Was Actually Going On. I Need to Know.

It started in a weird rundown Target Starbucks, where I had somehow been hired to work/cover someone's shift for just one day and was convinced that I had worked before in the waking world (i.e. not in dreams). I also seemed to be aware that I was dreaming and was discussing how weird it was that you remember things and histories in dreams that haven't happened in real life, that it looked awfully familiar to somewhere I had been before and where I was convinced that I had worked (for the record, I haven't, though I have worked at similarly crappy kiosk Starbucks and Mmm No Thanks).

I got a strange order for an excessively complicated drink from a customer I didn't see. The lights went out and I couldn't find any coworkers. Then someone appeared, gave me a book with a diagram on the cover and a wad of cash, and told me to follow the diagram and it would take me to some place I was happy (?!?!?!?).

Okay, so. It's a dream, what else do you do. I follow the diagram, and after some misadventures and side quests, find a fancy bookstore that looks like a Barnes and Noble but isn't. I wander into the equally fancy cafe, then back out. I get on an elevator with a bunch of other people to go to the first floor, to browse the stacks. The door shut, off we went... and then did not come out anywhere near an ordinary bookstore. In fact, we were informed, we had been sent on a seven-year adventure to solve a dangerous mystery, and it started NOW.

The basic premise of this adventure was that you went through different doors and ended up in different places/times in the world. There were also complicated rules governing which door would open and when; you were given a watch that would turn red or green depending on the portal status of various nearby doors. You could use a door to escape your current location at any moment (presuming it was open) but the more you jumped, the more difficult it got to escape where you were. There were also Trolley Problem-esque moral conundrums where if you used the door for yourself, it might prevent a friend or teammate from getting through and being trapped. We were all being hunted by a villain named Ograndar, whose name couldn't be said aloud or it would summon him (we started calling him O and/or writing it down). He looked like an average young man in a green sweater. It wasn't specified what would happen if he caught us, but it wouldn't be good. It was also implied that he was a reincarnated Roman emperor of some kind (one of the crazy ones) and if we went through a door that took us to Ancient Rome, we would be trapped forever and unable to get home.

I traveled to various EXTREMELY detailed locations that I remembered despite never being there before: a water park in Abu Dhabi, a noodle shop in Taiwan, a giant mega-mart in America, and then the last place: a regional KGB office sometime in the USSR. The officers were speaking Russian, but I was able to understand it, and I was also apparently the person in charge of hunting down The Villain Known As O in this time period. The clue lay in a cheesy niche 1980s fantasy novel, but we only had one copy. It was in Dutch, except for one page that was inexplicably in Latin.

Myself and my KGB-dream-minions were all trying to read this book when my alarm went off and I woke up.

Please tell me what the hell was going on.

[luvrodite]

An AU that I’m too scared to fully write but I’m desperate to share:

You can see ghosts. You’ve been able to since childhood, and for you they’re as real as any living person. You don’t tell anyone, really. There’s enough flavours of weird in Gotham that people would probably believe you, but it feels a little invasive. Most people wouldn’t want others digging into their business while they’re alive, why would they feel differently when they’re dead? So for the most part you live an ordinary life. You wake up and go to work. You go out to dinners with friends and on disappointing dates. Maybe sometimes in between you remind a little old lady ghost that she’s no longer living, or give directions to a little boy that no one else seems to see. It’s your normal.

One day you meet Jason and his grin is bright like the sun. You meet at the local library when you drop your stack of books heading to the return desk. He helps you gather them up, accidentally knocking his knuckles into yours, starts a conversation about one of your books. By the time you leave, you’ve got his number in your phone and a new book under your arm.

Things with Jason are so, so good. You fit together in places you didn’t even realize were missing. You move into his apartment, too quickly according to his little brothers. Dinners out with friends turn into entertaining at home. Taking it in turns bringing dishes that fill the apartment with mouthwatering smells. Nights out at the movies ending with heated discussions about how “the physics of explosives don’t work like that” on the couch. Agreeing to be a plus one at a gala only if there will be french fries after. You love him so much, and if the completely unsubtle questions about your taste in jewellery are anything to go by, you’ll get to love him forever.

Until one night he comes home haunted, unable to bring the perpetrators of a little boy’s death to justice. Jason knew him personally, from the youth shelter he volunteers at. He takes it so personally that someone so young and under his protection has been snuffed out. Something about this dead boy reminds Jason a little too much of himself. Maybe because they died at the same age, or he was once that scrawny and featherlight too. The police have no leads, chalking it up to just another Crime Alley street kid meeting an inevitable end. He is tearing himself to pieces trying to discover who could be so cruel and you can’t bear to see him in pain any longer. And so you offer, gently, to see if the ghost of that boy, who stands at the entrance to Crime Alley and asks for directions home, can remember who killed him.

He jerks back and there is such a look of horror and fear in his eyes. Not of you, never of you and your abilities, but for what he fears you might see clinging to him. The choking sensation of grave dirt. The faces of the people he’s killed to make Gotham safer. Literally the blood on his hands in a twisted parody of Lady Macbeth. He is terrified that you can see the monster he has always feared himself to be. Jason is up and running, escaping out into the night through the window before you can do more than reach after him.

You don’t get the chance to tell him that all you see is a 15-year old with a gap toothed, blinding grin wearing the Robin colours with pride. You don’t get to tell him that that 15-year old boy always tells you when Jason comes back hiding an injury or asks you to make sure he’s eating more than cigarettes. You don’t get to tell him that even from beyond the grave, Jason Todd never stopped saving people.

- 🍂 (@fic-over-cannon)

i think this has so much heart and love and i hope one day you'll be able to share a full fic with us because i would love to read this.

"Maybe because they died at the same age, or he was once that scrawny and featherlight too."

i think featherlight is so !!! the emphasis on how young he was and small. that the world should've done better by him but the cycle continues and the system fails more and more children like him - waving it away as inevitable. it makes me grieve. it reminds me of that one piece that's like 'every version of this story ends with you being slaughtered' and it's so tragic.

thank u for sending this in <3

[lightlycareless]

spoilers for the next chapter 🥲 ??

🤫🤫🤫🤫

spoilers for chapter 48. no proofreading btw.

“Y/N.

I always dreamed of the day I would be able to tell you of my feelings for you, though I imagined it would’ve been under far different circumstances.

Either way, the truth is that I haven’t been able to keep my mind off you since we first met. Ever since that day… you’re all I think of.

It was almost prophetic the way it happened, completely unexpected and far from what I called ideal when seeing the woman of my dreams.

And yet, I wouldn’t change anything from it; nothing at all. 

You came to me in my moment of need, even if it was simply the right thing to do… but to me, it was almost heaven sent.

Unfortunately, that was one of the few moments I have been able to approach you, your duties amongst other things, like your affection for others, coming between us.

Still, I patiently await for the right moment to come, whenever that might be.

In the meantime, I hope this letter is able to convey, if only for a fraction, what I feel for you, with the purpose to one day do so in person.”

It’s what the letter found underneath your door that unsuspecting morning, neatly folded inside a small, white envelope, said. From a mysterious source neither you nor your staff were able to uncover before the second one arrived.

“I do not need to see you to know you are just as beautiful as you are every day. I just wish I was lucky enough to do so, might’ve been enough to warm up my heart in these cold, winter days.”

“Who is sending these?” is the question that naturally arises inside your, Haruko’s and Hitomi’s mind by the third letter. All plagued with consistent demonstrations of affection, somewhat alarming, you must add.

“They all have the same handwriting, so at least we know they’re from the same person.” Hitomi murmured, looking over the latest letter once more. “But if it’s the same person, how come we haven’t been able to see who it was? It’s happening right underneath our noses, and yet…”

“To make matters worse, no one out of the ordinary has been seen in the hallways…” You comment. “No one that could seem suspicious, anyways…”

“Well, you are followed around by the rest of the staff members, so it’s kind of hard to pinpoint who…” 

“Oh, if only Mariya were here, she wouldn't have found who it was by now!” Haruko laments, and the rest sigh, silently agreeing.

The first few days without Mariya had been nothing short of… difficult.

As expected, her absence left behind a great void in their hearts, hope lingering at the back of their mind, wishing to see her appearing just around the corner and cheerfully tell them it had been nothing but a misunderstanding and that she was here to stay.

But the truth is, she wasn’t coming back. In fact, she’s probably already in her new home, settling into her new life, getting pampered by her future husband and family, celebrating her pregnancy, just as she wanted to do, but unable due to the estate’s tight secrecy.

Haruko and Hitomi have yet to get used to getting to your bedroom first thing in the morning and finding Mariya nowhere to be seen, no drowsy good morning to start the day, followed by that day’s responsibilities, before she briefly disappeared—off to meet her boyfriend, as they’d later find out—only to come back later to begin work.

It’s arduous, to keep on acting like her absence didn’t affect them, but it wasn’t impossible, and soon enough they’d move on to do their duties, with Hitomi stepping in to fill Mariya’s role, still needing to get a bit more adjusted to her new responsibilities, but nothing routine couldn’t smoothen out…

And Haruko helping out whenever she could, while frequently wondering who would come to make their group complete once again, but never forgetting to offer that cheerful, upbeat demeanor that was very needed in dubious moments like these.

Or specifically as of now, inquisitive ones.

“Do you think that maybe the letters… are from Naoya?” The moment Haruko’s question escaped her lips, your breath hitched to your throat, heat starting to settle in your cheeks as your eyes widened, expressing both your embarrassment, and perhaps… longing?

“N—No… that couldn’t— I mean, he’s—” you stammer, unable to find any possible reason to deny her accusation, or perhaps not wanting to. Only you could know, though Haruko gets an idea.

“Sounds like you want him to.” She teases, you gasp.

[livlepretre]

currently rereading fe and this thought occurred to me: we know that whenever elena dreams of klaus, these incidents actually happened but she always ends up rejecting him and that’s why he compels her to forget and go to sleep, but is part of his compulsion to go and dream of what had just happened or does she remember these moments in her dreams because she herself possesses some sort of magic that might lessen his compulsion?

Interesting thought!

in FE, Elena has no powers which she can directly access-- her blood is super powerful, but only a witch can channel it-- which sucks for her, because basically her blood's power is the ability to overwrite the Laws of Nature/suspend the need for Balance, and replace all of that with other rules-- this is how, for example, Klaus can be both a vampire and a werewolf. In theory, if Elena were, say, to have been locked up in a creepy manor for years and years of isolation with nothing to do but study magical theory, perhaps she could develop some ideas of how to hijack this power with the help of a sympathetic witch-- but she would still be unable to use it for her own purposes. There are a few small exceptions-- things like objects that are crafted from her blood and thus belong to her, like the bloodstone, or even Klaus himself, she has powerful sway over. She called to the bloodstone, and the bloodstone answered. She can sense Klaus because he is also a creation of her blood-- that is what the nature of their "bloodbond" is-- an awareness of her metaphysical possession of him (although, in this case, he's a living being, and immensely powerful in his own right, so "calling him" doesn't work. probably.) She also figured out how to use this relationship with Klaus to do things like override the blood ward he had set on the room with the coffins-- basically, because her blood was already mixed with Klaus's in the sacrifice, it was still, mystically, flowing in his veins, and allowing him to remain perpetually a hybrid instead of shunting off his werewolf side in favor of the vampirism. And she can sense Dark Objects used in human sacrifice because she has an affinity for them-- basically, I think the magics used in the sacrifice itself sort of... magnetized her to those sorts of objects. But this is basically the extent of things-- she is as susceptible to compulsion and dream tampering as anyone else.

In fact, the reality that Elena is essentially just an ordinary human with like, this really psycho streak that is a personality quirk unlocked by crazy circumstances as opposed to a supernatural ability is one of the reasons I find her so interesting-- yes, she has this super-power, but it's totally inaccessible for her even as it also makes her a Major Player. It's actually her wild gambits and her cunning and ruthlessness combined with her fierce love (for certain people) that makes her so compelling. (And also, the sense that she would have been a totally normal person if she hadn't had her brushes with the supernatural? I think Elena-- like Katherine or Tatia-- is someone who doesn't know how far she will go until she is pushed, and then it turns out there is nowhere she won't go, and it's a horrible realization for both the one doing the pushing and for Elena herself).

Anyway, so what really did happen is this: Klaus would make a move on Elena, or tell her something intimate, and then he would either compel the memory away altogether or compel her to forget and instead to dream up what if it had gone differently... vampires can control dreams, and he does that a lot. He really is as pathetic as he suggests when they first reunite in Nola 2.0, although, we find out later that he really does take things all the way to having sex with her and then changes his mind mid-act because it's not actually satisfying him to have a doll that looks like Elena, he actually wants Elena. (The fact that Elena accepts what happened here the way that she does once she remembers is definitely definitely a side effect of her extreme trauma, and a reflection of the self-harm of going along with these vampires-- she gets to a place where she accepts harm without processing it as such.)

Now, Elena, just like anyone else with a strong mind, might be able to build immunity to compulsion, the way we saw Bill Forbes did on the show. She's been working on it for a few months now in the FE timeline. You'll have to wait to see how that turns out though!

[accio-victuuri]

i already did a bit of people’s reactions with “one and only” movie screened @ SIFF closing so here’s some more.

• The theme of the movie is Youth Dance Comedy Movie! Congratulations to Wang Yibo, another personal masterpiece was born! with Chen Shuo you can’t see the shadow of Mr. Ye and Lei Yu at all. He is Calm, not rebellious, just a person who persists in growing up. A little ordinary boy who bloomed gorgeously, he was wronged, he is cute and he is shy. He cries a little, he is resilient, he can endure hardships, he is caring, he is filial, why is he like this?so good! This is the real youth film for teenagers! It's not pretending to be literary. It’s not hypocritical love, but really tells you what life should "always work hard. If you work hard, you will succeed." To be a human being, you still need to have a little persistence and faith.

• Putting aside all kinds of filters, objectively my expectations for this film before watching the film isI thought it might be an inspirational story of a well-behaved poor boy. After watching it, it greatly exceeded expectations. In storytelling, the main characters’ growth is very complete and solid, every branch extending from the main line. It is also portrayed very appropriately, the story has an absolute protagonist, but each supporting role will also be remembered by the audience and give praise to the director and screenwriter. The rhythm of the story is very tight, the part of true feelings, the part of dancing, the plot and transitions are extremely smooth. Especially the last climax part, the audience was emotionally infected and spontaneously cheered and applauded several times. The viewing experience is very exciting. Enjoyed it very much.

Let me focus on our male number one, although his own experience is different from that of Chen Shuo. They are the same, but they have the same original intention for dance. In this film, Wang Yibo was not performing, he is just showing himself. He was happy when he was able to join the dance troupe, and he desperately worked hard to dance. The joy when dancing with everyone, the empathy when encountering ups and downs, The revealing of the true affection for the family, the wild tugging and the burning of souls during the game. All of these may be what he really looks like outside of work

Throughout the movie watching process, I have been in a state of overflowing emotions, want to cry and be afraid. So although we enthusiastically position comedy films, fans must remember. Have tissues ready.

• During the screening, I lowered my head many times just to feel the drums and beats.I thought to myself that the director must be a person who understands music. Wang Yibo was also surprising. At the end of the show, I heard other people discussing "this role is too suitable for Wang Yibo", I want to say that there is no natural fit, only because of good acting that you will let the audience feel the so-called fit.

• I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie this hot in the cinema. Especially seeing the second half of the competition, I really can't help but feel excited. During our screening, there were many applause, which was shown in the media — it is relatively rare.

• I have almost never seen the audience spontaneously applauding and cheering in the middle of watching a domestic film. "One & Only" let me see this kind of hot-blooded appeal that will make you unable to restrain yourself, wanting to be a part of the screen, wanting to participate in it.

In the past few years, many audiences have lost the habit of going to the theater. Everyone has been waiting for a reason enough to bring the lost audience back into the cinema.This movie not only needs to be good enough, but also needs to be popular enough. After watching "One and Only", I have a hunch that it will become the reason for the audience to return to the theater.

• Seeing Chen Shuo practicing in the subway car, I want to cry. In fact, hard work is the most basic part, and those who have been working hard can always wait until theirown opportunity. Being seen by Ding Lei is an opportunity to see the professional dance troupe. Strength is another kind of opportunity, and then it is even more important to seize the opportunity to win the championship by yourself.

• The quality of the whole film is extremely high. It can be said that among the commercial films of the same type, this is a big step. The relationship between Ding Lei and Chen Shuo's master and apprentice, as well as the stage itself is refreshing to the audience, from script to action design, to photography and editing, are pushing up the ceiling of this genre.During the viewing process, I once thought that this film would be produced by an international team.

sources: one / two

[lingshanhermit]

Lingshan Hermit: Pure Perception - How Many Versions of the Same Event Exist in Different People's Eyes?

On the eve of last year's Halloween, I watched a movie about medieval duels called "The Last Duel". I think you should all go see it. Go see how each person explains phenomena to themselves, how each person interprets things in a way that pleases their "self", and how many versions of the same event exist in different people's eyes.

The movie tells the same story from the perspectives of three people. The first act depicts the truth in the eyes of the protagonist, Jean de Carrouges. In Carrouges' view, he saved the life of the second male lead, Jacques LeGris, during the Siege of Limoges in 1370 France. If he hadn't helped him block a sword at a critical moment, LeGris would have died on the spot. As a result, they became good friends. In Carrouges' eyes, he is LeGris' savior, but the latter did not repay his kindness and often wronged him. Not only did LeGris help Pierre levy taxes on Carrouges, but he also seized the official position that should have been Carrouges' by inheritance. Finally, he even defiled Carrouges' beautiful wife, Marguerite de Carrouges—although Carrouges was not entirely sure whether his wife was raped or committed adultery, as she sometimes dressed like a slut.

In Jacques LeGris' eyes, however, things are quite the opposite—in that short-lived battle, it was he who saved Jean de Carrouges' life, not the other way around. When Carrouges rode alone on his horse and recklessly charged into the enemy camp, if LeGris hadn't led others to follow closely behind, Carrouges might have been dismembered. So LeGris always felt that he should be the one to be thanked. Moreover, he had been helping Carrouges, pleading with Pierre to defer his taxes. But Carrouges falsely accused him of raping his wife. They were just having an affair.

In Jacques LeGris' eyes, Jean de Carrouges' beautiful wife, Marguerite, had been intentionally or unintentionally seducing him since their first meeting. Whether it was the occasional eye contact at the banquet or her secretly peeping at him from the upstairs of the tailor shop, these were clear evidence of her intentions towards him. Even her refusal and screams when she was raped were, in his view, a skillful play of hard-to-get to arouse his desire to conquer. Therefore, he defined the whole incident as adultery rather than rape, and even went to confess to a priest.

But the female protagonist, Marguerite, obviously disagreed with LeGris' definition of the incident. In her view, she had never seduced Jacques LeGris. She had always been very loyal to her husband. Moreover, throughout the entire incident, she had been rejecting Jacques LeGris—she asked him to leave and ran back to the room trying to close the door—although unsuccessfully. So what happened in the bedroom was defined by her as rape. She had to defend her reputation.

But I highly doubt she was as innocent as she described herself to be. After all, we are used to portraying ourselves too nicely, and our self-perception is often far from reality. Perhaps she didn't really intend to do something with him, but it would be untrue to say that she had no amorous thoughts about him at all. From the movie, many of her actions were hard not to be misunderstood by the other person. But in front of herself, she would never admit to having such thoughts. She had to deceive herself, deceive herself that she never had any feelings for him, in order to maintain her image in her own mind.

As ordinary people, we have the habit of maintaining our egos. We always like to interpret things in a way that makes us happy, in a way that fits our self-positioning. We don't like and are unwilling to accept the facts, because the facts are always very cruel. The facts will make us unable to face ourselves, make us unimportant, make us insignificant, turn us into rapists or sluts, and make us unable to justify ourselves. But such bad habits are obviously not conducive to us seeing ourselves clearly and not conducive to us recognizing reality. Most of us live in the illusions we create for ourselves. In these illusions, we are the center of the world, we have never failed, we have never been neglected, let alone done anything wrong. Since we have never failed and never done anything wrong, we don't need to examine or judge ourselves. But for practitioners, not examining yourself means you have been sentenced to death in your practice. You don't examine yourself because you think you are perfect. And perfect people don't need to correct themselves.

The three people in the movie, Jean de Carrouges, Jacques LeGris, and Marguerite, none of them think they have done anything wrong. They all think it's other people's problems, that others have wronged them rather than they have wronged others. Jacques LeGris believed until his death that it was Marguerite who seduced him, so he always insisted that he was not wrong until the blade pierced his throat. And Marguerite always insisted that she was raped—but even her best friend didn't believe she was raped.

Like them, we are all extremely self-deceiving. When we tell our own stories, we often like to ignore those factors that are unfavorable to us, ignore the details that make us lose face, ignore the dark histories. In our descriptions, we are invincible, we are unstoppable, we are extremely popular. If you are a practitioner, I don't think this will make your practice better.

If you have enough merit and virtue to understand what has been described above, to understand the emptiness of phenomena, to understand that phenomena are different in everyone's eyes, to understand that everyone only sees what they can see, then you will also understand what the pure perception of Vajrayana is, understand what is manifest yet without intrinsic nature, understand what it means to merge into the unobstructed state of appearance-emptiness. Understanding these, you will be able to generate compassion for sentient beings, knowing why they insist as they do, because they don't know that phenomena are different in everyone's eyes, and they think that what they see is the only correct version. That's why they insist. But it's not easy to understand these things. You have to practice according to the teachings, accumulate a huge amount of merit and virtue, and always maintain an interest in exploring the truth. Perhaps one day, when you have accumulated enough merit and virtue, you will suddenly understand.

Written by Lingshan Hermit on June 9, 2024.

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灵山居士：净观，同一件事在不同人的眼里会有多少版本

[randomingoftherandomness]

Hi! ALoN fic prompt: Zhang Ping x Lan Jue, post canon. Zhang Ping meets Lan Jue's child.

HNNGH NONNIE HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS FLIRTING WITH THE IDEA OF WRITING LAN HUI

We have no canonical TV portrayals of Lan Hui and therefore, my personal fanon is that Lan Hui looks like Lan Jue as a child with just about the same level of determination.

(may write headcanons about this we shall see)

~*~*~*~

When Lan Hui finally crosses the threshold into the manor he once knew as home, he starts to pick out the differences between the here and now, and the way these walls used to sit in his memories.

The first is that it smells different.

Sure, it does still smell like the orchids that his father used to cultivate, but it's fainter. And the smell of his mother's perfume is nowhere here. Instead, Lan Hui can smell cooking.

Noodles. Dumplings. Roast. He doesn't remember his father ever being extravagant with his meals, so he doesn't know who this food is for.

But then again, it has been years since he has stepped foot in this manor. Things might have changed.

Perhaps he gained a stepmother? One who delights in cooking?

It wouldn't be out of the ordinary and certainly, Lan Hui knows that even with all the danger that comes with being married to him, many men and enterprising societal mamas would not hesitate to push their daughters and nieces to his father's side.

The second thing that strikes him is the sound of the house itself is different.

He had left home under the guise of darkness, sleep still crusting his eyes, with the mourning clothes on his back the only things he could bring with him. Yet, the most important thing he remembers about that night was how the air of his home clung in such a heavy way in his lungs.

It was an air coloured by the sounds of mourning.

The sound of the monk chanting sutras in the hall, the way the servants quietly bustled through the house preparing for the funeral. In his memories, it was the fluttering of the banners in the nighttime breeze, and the sound of his father's breath against his cheek as he tells him to be good and listen well to the uncle and aunt he was sending him to.

In those dreams he has had since then, it is the sound of the carriage wheels rumbling on the road as it takes him far, far away from everything and everyone he has ever known.

Now, the halls carry a sound of chatter and laughter.

The third, and perhaps most important change, is when he takes a turn with Uncle Xu Dong guiding him, he sees the man seated with his father.

Lan Hui is still too far away to hear what is being said between them, but there is a clear note of amusement trembling in the mid-morning sunlight.

There is a steaming bowl of noodles on the table that his father is taking bites from. It looks... delicious. The man has an apron wrapped around his thin waist, sleeves pushed up to his elbows, and flour on his wrists. Clearly, this bowl was his doing.

Said man has a scholarly bearing and there's a sense that he is laughing about something that only he's seeing, but what arrests Lan Hui's attention is how his father is leaning against him, pale diaphanous robes spilling over the man's, face tilted up to his, eyes soft and fond.

The same sort of softness and fondness that Lan Hui only ever saw when his father was looking at his mother.

"Lan Hui?"

His father's deep voice startles him out of his observations. Coming to a stop, he bows, suddenly quite unable to speak. Emotions churn in his belly as he straightens himself.

Did you think of me? Did you get any of my letters? Have you taken care of yourself? Can I not leave again? Can I stay, please?

None of which he says.

Because before he can shape the words on his tongue, his father has swept him up in a hug. "My son..."

"My apologies for not sending word ahead of our earlier arrival, Daren," Uncle Xu Dong says from over his shoulder. "The Young Master was eager to press on."

Careful hands cup his face, and Lan Hui feels a small spark of warmth grow in his chest when he looks up to see that his father's cheeks are as wet as his own are.

Father's smile is everything. A homecoming. The way a warm room feels after a day in the cold. All the embraces he wished he had every time he felt alone or sad with those thousands of leagues that kept Lan Hui away from him.

It is hopeful, even when his father pulls away, hands running over his shoulders, marvelling about how he has grown.

"Come, Lan Hui, sit with us," He declares after telling Uncle Xu Dong to go get some rest. With one hand on his own, he guides Lan Hui back to where the scholar is gently smiling as he greets him with a nod.

"This is Zhang Ping," Father says, folding himself onto a seat pillow and letting the man pull a set for Lan Hui. "He's..."

They exchange a look with Zhang Ping ducking his head to hide a smile, quickly moving away to the side as two serving girls come with trays of snacks. Father quickly fills his plate, telling him how all these were made by the man net to him, while Zhang Ping works in tandem to pour him a cup of water.

They work like clockwork. As if this is a dance with secret steps that only they both know the movements to.

This leads him, perhaps with a little less tact than he should have in a situation like this, to ask, "Mr Zhang Ping, are you my new stepmother?"

Predictably, Father chokes mid-chew of his noodles, face going a ruddy red as Zhang Ping pats his back with one hand and pressing his cup of tea into his father's with the other.

"Lan Hui...!"

"It's not an incorrect assumption," Zhang Ping admits softly, cheeks tinged pink when he meets Lan Hui's eyes. Casting a quick glance at Father before pouring him another cup of tea and offering him a handkerchief.

Looking between Zhang Ping and Father, Lan Hui sees the careful way Zhang Ping switches out the empty cup for some water, the quiet thanks in Father's eyes when his coughing dies down to a rasp.

Lan Hui also spies the small smile that Father gives Zhang Ping, the moment that lingers between them when their hands brush over the cup.

Picking up the soft bean cake on his plate, he takes a bite. It's sweet without being overpowering. Lan Hui lets the taste linger on his tongue, waiting for Father and Zhang Ping to turn back to him again.

"Lan Hui, Zhang Ping is--"

"My new stepmother, I get that," Lan Hui says, smiling a little. Father gapes at his words, but Zhang Ping is tilting his head, looking a lot like a puppy he once had when it found something interesting.

Lan Hui takes another bite of his cake, gratified to know that his home life from here on out will be nothing less than interesting.

[kandyrezi]

Can you talk a bit more about your soulmate au? Sounds very interesting👀

!!! about to go off on a tangent in three... two... one-

sometimes it will take eons for your soulmate to come to you. most creatures in funa-verse are immortal beings living in worlds where the concept of time is relative, and there is no telling when your soulmate will appear for the first time. often times finding a different lover is not out of the ordinary, so once that soulmate appears, instead of a joyful reunion, a conflict might occur instead. "i've waited five thousand years for you, and you've only just now decided to show up??? when i'm already married to someone else??"

it doesn't matter if they have a side lover though, soulmates will inevitably always be drawn to eachother in some way or another, such as; unable to stop thinking about them, their actions subconsciously being influenced by them, and if they're from different worlds and far apart, then they'll always want to be near that other person.

if someone's 'other half' dies, it's not uncommon for a new marking to appear, but soulmates with a really strong connection might never even have their mark disappear if one of them dies, so the other will end up succumbing to grief (and follow after them to their death).

soulmates can influence eachother positively, as well as negatively. while there are characters who do get their happily ever after, a 'star-crossed lovers' type of situation is more likely to occur.

whoever decided the fate of who ends up with whom as soulmates (me) is a sadist who just wants to watch the world come down crashing and burning.

but i also like the idea of the highest entity in funa-verse assigning soulmates for shits and giggles (not sure who though? the reminiscences of star? justim? the 'big five'?)

the fic i'm writing about this takes place in the gray world, so the initial idea was to have etihw and kcalb have soulmates that aren't eachother, but now they're both one of the rare ones with two soulmates, (through their ability to let go of their hatred and co-exist together in peace/harmony, the connection they feel towards one another is stronger than towards their 'other' soulmate.) this is somewhat lampshaded in a conversation they have with eachother:

maybe i'll expand to other worlds aside from what i currently have.

[justmoreocs-writing]

Dylan O'Brien Faceclaim

Nico Cave (The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina OC). Nico moved from Riverdale to Greendale following the mysterious death of his father, and the revelation that despite his ordinary upbringing, he is in a warlock. With his mother finally able to tell him the truth about himself, and faced with the prospect of going to the Academy of Unseen Arts, Nico soon learns that being half-and-half isn’t too common, and the only person to truly understand the confusion of it all had a completely different time of the reveal than he did.

Chase Fenton (The Order OC). All Chase had wanted to do was go to University and get a degree in computer science. He wanted to get a job, make some friends and in general have an ordinary life. The Hide of a wolf had other plans, however, and soon he finds himself mixed up with the Knights of Saint Christopher and trying to make sure dark magic can never take over the world. He currently wears the Hide of Hokkaido, the nimble.

Colton Ledger (The Enemy OC). Colton had only been in England because his family were on holiday. He’d only been at Legoland because his little sister had insisted that they go – not that he was complaining. He never thought he’d be stuck in a strange place when all the adults turned into zombies, nor that he’d have to step up to the plate so as to protect his little sister. As long as he thinks it’s all a videogame, he might not just lose his mind along the way.

Jasper ‘Jasp’ O'Malley (The Book of Dust OC). Gyptian Jasper has known Lyra practically his whole life, but when she went off on her adventure of a lifetime he remained travelling with his family, trying to rebuild everything that they had lost because of Bolvangar. Now, aged twenty, Jasp is determined to get an education, even if that means sneaking into the library after hours and finds himself mixed up in Lyra’s latest adventure.

Byron Prescott (Killing Eve OC). As a child, Byron always knew that he was going to be an assassin. It was what he was trained for, what he prepared for. What he never expected was to get caught by a British Secret Service sting operation, or for them to offer him an ultimatum. Now, working alongside Carolyn and her team, he finds himself in awe of the latest assassin and trying not to look too impressed.

Stuart 'Stu’ Stilinski (Teen Wolf OC). Eldest of the Stilinski Triplets, Stuart does whatever he can to make sure his siblings don’t get into too much trouble. Though, given their aptitude for pranks and mischief that’s easier said than done. Stuart himself is a lover of all technology and enjoys messing around with computers when he gets a spare second. He has always understood technology better than people.

Fitzgerald 'Fitz’ Underhill (Pennyworth OC). Welsh born Fitz joined the S.A.S. with no friends and no family to speak of, but he left it with brothers and a new start waiting for him in London. He works alongside Alfred as a bouncer, and soon moves into his friend’s security firm as he begins to gain traction with this new endeavour. Despite his past, he is known to use Aikido where possible.

Adrien Xavier (Runaways OC). Illegitimate son of Charles Xavier, Adrien has never actually met his father, and doesn’t really intend to. He is best friends with Chase, they always worked well on the lacrosse field together, and runs away after getting caught up in the mess with his friends. He has some of his father’s psychic abilities, just doesn’t really know how to control these.

Lucien Yuris (Divergent OC). Older brother to Kyle, Lucien grieved his brother following his death, and the pain has been like a shadow on him ever since. Unable to take being in Erudite – and finding out during his test that he has an aptitude for Dauntless – Lucien becomes a faction transfer. He quickly finds a place for himself with Tris and co., and is determined to prove that he’s not the bookworm others accuse him of being.

[doomed-prophetess]

what if some of the jewels that Athy stole were memory stones of Diana?

[hexagr]

Notes on Narcissism

I’ve been reading Freud and Lacan’s theories on narcissism. But I also stumbled over some writings by Sandy Hotchkiss, whose position is that narcissism is a “personality flaw,” rather than a sexual perversion. I appreciate this framing, as it is a more modern and cognitive description.

She claims, rather precisely, that narcissists exhibit seven co-morbid qualities: shamelessness, magical thinking, arrogance, envy, entitlement, exploitation, and bad boundaries; each problem feeding the next.

The narcissist’s avoidance of reality and refusal to feel shame requires magical thinking. Thus, their distorted perception of the world shields them from reality, while arrogance generates envy. The narcissist has a stunted childlike psyche.

She goes on to claim that the true victims are the family, friends, and co-workers of the narcissist. But this is where I disagree with her. I think this is only partially true. The engine of narcissism makes much more sense if you invert this relationship. Rather, it is precisely the family, friends, and coworkers of narcissists that help enable the narcissist.

The family, friends, and coworkers can never tell the narcissist how childlike, naive, or infantile they may be. They may not know. The ordinary person is not thinking like an analyst. And narcissists themselves may even deliberately surround themselves with only extremely similar people, because while they may even be of adult age, they largely retain a childlike mindset and see only themselves in the world. Even in romantic situations. They might feel safest being in love with someone who is exactly like they are. There is a struggle to appreciate difference.

So any peers of the narcissist who are different must dance around them, so as to not cause disturbance. Peers may even feel obligated to show kindness, but not a sincere kindness. A sort of kindness so as to not disturb the narcissist’s fragile reality.

But this is a perverted kindness, intended to foster stagnation, rather than promote intellectual progress—inevitably dooming the subject to stay in a sort of dangerous comfort.

It's similar to what Lacan called jouissance—or a space of surplus enjoyment. And we should ask: how does this affect individual development and societies?

In this way, as Lacan described very well in his research, there is a very narcissistic dimension to love. Especially when we are driven by our unconscious—avoiding any discomfort, attempting to fill a void, and/or not allowing ourselves time to introspect about the ordeal. But there are tradeoffs. When we avoid or run from that which initially appears horrifying—we often in turn get trapped by the Symbolic representation of desire which exists in our mind—which is to say, in that mode of thinking, both our model of nature and desire itself lack conscious awareness and intellectual understanding. So it follows that sometimes when endeavoring to love, we might instead fall prey to emotion and shortsightedness, and instead deliver ourselves into folly and false comfort.

For Lacan, love is largely an imaginary phenomenon, although it has effects in the symbolic order. Love is autoerotic, and has a fundamentally narcissistic structure since "it's one's own ego that one loves in love, one's own ego made real on the imaginary level."

And to make matters worse, as researcher Sam Vaknin points out, those afflicted by narcicissm tend to take mental snapshots of others and then interact with the symbolic representation instead of the person, which makes devaluation inevitable because a mental snapshot is static, while human beings are dynamic.

Narcissism, in my opinion, can be observed in close relation to Freud’s pleasure-principle. Those who are unable to defer gratification—being primarily driven by blind desire for familiar pain or pleasure and thus falling prey to repetition compulsion—are often the same who develop variations of this sort of neurosis.

[seaofkdramas]

Ah man, making these edits took me so much longer than I wanted. I had a few things that weren’t working out well and I had to try out some new things too. But here they finally are. At some points it literally made me want to cry inside how much I was struggling or how long it was taking. So yeah, just wanted to tell about that side of editing too. It can be lots of fun but sometimes also frustrating and very time consuming.

Anyways, to continue talking about this scene after last night, it was so heartbreaking but it was so real. There were heavy emotions in this scene, but it didn’t feel like it was a written drama scene at all. It felt so real and I could feel of the pain in its realness. The struggle Eun-o has of wanting to move on from Jae-won because she was a completely different person when she was with him, yet him deep down having her made the happiest. And in the same amount I also feel for Jae-won, for how passionately in love he is, how much of his heart he gave away, and now that he’s lost the love of his life, he feels completely hopeless, unable to move on. Sometimes he gets very drunk to drink his feelings of misery away for a moment.

And then one night Eun-O sees him doing that in a cafe by himself and goes up to him. There is no big drama being made between the two of them when they see each other. They speak softly, yet their words are loud and heavy in the emotions they carry. And the drunkenness of Jae-won also felt very real and added to his honest and desperate way of saying things in that moment. Eun-o really loves and misses Jae-won too, I think, but after having already recently been left by a guy she really cared about, she doesn’t want to risk getting hurt by another guy. Not that Jae-won is a bad guy but because she might think Jae-won could only have been in love with the ‘cool’ persona Seon-a and not the ‘ordinary’ Eun-o.

But to not have to think anymore about the complicatedness and messiness of the whole situation, I think Eun-o has decided it’s best for her to just forget about any kind of future with Jae-won. To protect herself from the pain another man could cause her. But he will always be special to her, the wedding rings that she is wearing shows. But Jae-won is a passionate and loving guy and he just can’t get over her.

And together they’re stuck in this situation. Their love story is definitely no simple plot. There is no easy way out of it or to make it continue. There’s many emotions in this trying to move on process. And having their lives more entangled again because of having their close friends also being close to the two of them. It’s a big emotional mess. A tough road in trying to figure out a way towards a happy future, together or alone.

And to say it one more time, Kim Ji-won and Chi Jang-wook are doing a phenomenal job in this drama to bring the deep and raw emotions of the characters to life!

[minhoinator]

Since there are a lot more new fans since DCM/Atlantis era, I thought I might compile a list of the links and names of Minho's dramas and films he's been in! I'll put it all under the cut and I'll try to keep it update since he seems intent on being booked and busy lol

The Pianist (2010) [youtube] - "Oh Je Ro is a musical genius who had always dream of learning the piano, but had to work in a piano factory as tuner instead of going to school in order to support his sick father. He had despaired of ever being given a chance to learn and thought the name his father gave him sounded like "Oh, Zero", signifying his lack of hope in the future. This changes when he meets an elementary school teacher, Yoon In Sa, and begins a delicate love story with her." (personal note: While you can tell it's his first time acting outside of SHINee's mvs, he's still super cute (granted, I'm very biased, so that anything I say with a grain of salt lol)

Salamander Guru and the Gang (2012) [dramacool] - "A pair of common thieves and a young computer hacker run a fortunetelling scam, while helping people with their personal problems in their spare time." (note: Kibum and Taemin do cameo in this, as well)

To The Beautiful You (2012) [viki] [dramacool] - "A high school girl who's inspired by a gold-medal High Jumper devises a scheme to motivate him by attending his school."

Medical Top Team (2013) [viki] [dramacool] [Minho-only cut] - "A team of elite doctors treats patients while dealing with power struggles within the hospital."

Because It's the First Time (2015) [dramacool] - "A group of young people gather on a rooftop and tell their stories." (note: Taeoh's friends absolutely did not deserve him 😤)

Canola (2016) [dramacool] - "Twelve years after having lost her grand daughter at a market, grand mother and grand daughter become reunited. But things are not as good and perfect as they were twelve years earlier. (note: his first movie! 🥺)

Drinking Solo (2016) [dramacool] - "The story depicts people drinking alcohol alone for different reasons and the romance between Jin Jeong Seok and Park Ha Na. They both work at a private institute for people preparing for their civil service examinations in Noryangjin, Seoul. He is an arrogant, but popular instructor and she is a rookie instructor who struggles to survive in the private institute world." (note: full disclosure, I could not stand the main leads, but I was watching this for Kibum anyways, and he was phenomenal lol Minho just has a cameo appearance in this, and that's episode 5, I believe)

Derailed (2016) [dramacool] - "Four runaways trying to survive and make ends meet struggle day by day. Enter Ma Dong-Seok. He tried to help but they took advantage of the wrong guy. So it's the classic mistake of wrong guy at the wrong time." (note: one of my favorite roles he's done. he didn't have to go as hard as he did but he did and i'm grateful)

Hwarang: The Poet Warrior Youth (2016-2017) [viki] [dramacool] - "Revolves around an elite group of male warrior youth called Hwarang who grow through passion and love in Seorabeol, the capital of the ancient kingdom of Silla." (note: i have watched this....many times. I love it unapologetically. Kim Sooho has done nothing wrong ever in his life)

Somehow 18 (2017) [dramacool] - "A handsome orthopedic surgeon loses his first love who committed suicide when he was in his high school days. To save her he gets the chance to go back in time."

The Most Beautiful Goodbye in the World (2017) [dramacool] - "The story revolves around a family with their highs and lows when their beloved mother only has one month left to live." (note: I bought this one on dvd so i could watch it when I'm ready but it sounds so sad 🥺 i have to psych myself up for it)

The Princess and the Matchmaker (2018) [dramacool] - "Princess Songhwa refuses her fate of marrying someone who matches her marital harmony. There are four men on her future husband list with different fate signs. Refusing her fate, she decides to leave the palace and find her husband by herself. Seo Do Yoon is a person who interprets marital harmony signs. He is very skilled at his craft and, consequently, selected as the one to read the marital harmony signs between Princess Songhwa and the four men on her husband list."

Illang: The Wolf Brigade (2018) [dramacool] - "Set in the distant future where both North and South Koreas agree to establish a joint government, which has been in preparation for a duration of seven years, the plot focuses on political uprisings on opposing sides which grow fierce when a special police unit is formed to stop the chaos." (note: 🥺😭)

The Battle of Jangsari (2019) [viki] [dramacool] - "A unit of student soldiers on a diversionary mission for the Battle of Incheon during the Korean War in 1950." (note: yeah so i was a complete mess for like the last twenty minutes so just prepare yourself (it's well worth it, though, he was absolutely amazing in this))

Lovestruck in the City (2020-2021) [dramacool] - "Park Chae Won, an honest and overly passionate architect who loves the city streets. After a woman that he calls the “camera thief” steals his heart one summer night and then disappears, he is unable to get over her. Lee Eun Oh, a freelance marketer who spontaneously decides to adopt a false identity in an unfamiliar place. She accidentally ends up falling in love with Park Chae Won while posing as the free-spirited Yoon Sun Ah."

Yumi's Cells (2021) [viki] [dramacool] - "The story of an ordinary office worker named Yumi-from the point of view of the many brain cells in her head controlling her every thought, feeling, and action." (note: just, so adorable so far. Minho plays a side character who shows up occasionally (heavily in the first two episodes), but the story is based off of a web comic that I read when I found out he got cast as Wook and honestly it's worth the watch even if he wasn't in it)

[stellar-imagines]

SCENARIO REQUEST: ❝stupid rumour.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Bakugou Katsuki ]

「 Bakugou who has a crush on you ― the transfer student who has trouble speaking and writing Japanese but can understand the language He helps you on your language skills and develops a crush on you. Then you heard rumours of Bakugou liking Uraraka and you started become distant.」

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

"I thought I told how to do this one so many times and how did you manage to fuck it up?" Bakugou groaned, looking through your midterm paper.

"I'm really trying my best but kanji is just no good for me alright?" you grumbled, snatching the paper from his hands. It was quite embarrassing to be struggling with Japanese literature and other subjects.

Sure you were born and raised in Japan but due to some business issues, your family had to move to [Preferred Country]. And to be honest, you spent most of your life in [Preferred Country] instead of Japan so you weren't really familiar with kanji at all. It wasn't only kanji, its just the Japanese language in general. You didn't have much problems talking but when it comes to reading and writing, it was a problem so when it comes to studying, you were in big trouble. You have been whining about failing your tests and Bakugou — who happened to be your personal tutor. He got tired of your whining and decided to help you in hopes of making you shut up.

You can't really tell why Bakugou decided to help you in the first place. The two of you never got along that well to begin with. The ash blonde was very competitive by nature and when you showed promise during training, he seemed to have made you his target somehow. Bakugou never actually cared about the people in the class but you were different somehow. He was always easy to rile up and you enjoy messing around with him sometimes. It was almost safe to say that you spend most of your time with him. 

Since the day you transferred into UA, you struggled with your studies. Kanji now appeared to be an alien language to you and during tests, you struggled to understand the question. Bakugou picks up the scattered paper on your desk one by one, skimming through your mistakes and assessing your performance. You didn’t do that bad and only failed Japanese History and Literature. Your scores were really low and it barely hit the passing mark. 

Sometimes you like to think that you and Bakugou had something special but you're just a transfer student. Bakugou and Uraraka probably have a relationship that you could never understand. He respects Uraraka's strength after that one incident during the Sports Festival tournament. You stared at the two who happened to be queueing for lunch, having a conversation that you can't hear from where you were sitting. After a while, you took your eyes off them and sipped your drink.

"Do you think he likes her, [First Name]?"

"I'm sorry what?" you blinked, turning your attention towards Hagakure who sat across you.

"I'm talking about Ochaco-chan and Bakugou-kun!" the invisible girl gushed, her sleeves waving about to show her excitement. You blinked a couple of times, unable to process. Judging from her tone, you assumed that she thought you understood what was going on between the two. However, that wasn't the case, you yourself are clueless.

"But [First Name]-chan and Bakugou-kun are close in their own way too! Something going on between the two of you?" Ashido who was sitting next to you decided to direct the topic towards you instead.

"Nothing is going on between us. In fact, I think at some point he's gonna stop teaching me because of how I always disturb him." you muttered with a chuckle.

"Typical Bakugou. You can still join our studying sessions if you want. My offer still stands." Yaoyorozu smiled gently. You shook your head in response and gave the same answer as you did when the black haired girl proposed the idea to you.

Originally, it was Aizawa who forced Bakugou to tutor you in the first place. You had failed your tests miserably at first and your homeroom teacher seemed to notice that you struggled with communication sometimes. And Aizawa had this crazy idea to assign Bakugou to tutor you. He had hoped that the ash blonde will grow to become more social and cooperative. Honestly, you thought that it was such a bad idea at first. Bakugou was very rough with his words, impatient and is short tempered. You've tried to be nice and dismiss his behavior but at some point you just found him very amusing. You weren't sure if the two of you actually got along well or not.

However, you like to think that you both are actually on good terms. Even though he gets frustrated whenever you struggle to solve a question, he would leave you alone and give you pointers. He also likes to reward you with small treats like your favorite snacks and drinks. Bakugou also pays attention to your behavior a lot. Since the two of you are always studying everyday after school, there will be times where you will be so worn out from training. If that's the case, Bakugou will go easier on you.

"I've heard from someone that Bakugou has feelings for her since first year." Hagakure whispered as she saw Uraraka approach the table. The conversation was cut short when your brown haired friend arrived at the table with her pork katsu don. She looked between everyone, wondering why you all grew silent all of a sudden.

"What were you guys talking about?" she asked, taking a seat next to you. Acting completely natural like a smartass you were, you decided to just continue eating your lunch as if you were never a part of the conversation to begin with.

"We were talking about how there's this rumour of Bakugou having a crush on you since first year." Ashido chirped. Uraraka let out a noise akin to surprise before waving her hands defensively.

"Wh-Wha!? That's not possible!" she said quickly before glancing over at the ash blonde and then towards you.

"Why not?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

"W-Well, that's because....." the girl seemed a bit nervous and you see her glancing at Bakugou a couple of times.

You rested your elbow on the table, letting out a knowing hum. It didn't take long for you to get the hint that Uraraka might actually reciprocate his feelings. A small frown was etched on your face as you looked away from the girl seated next to you. Bakugou would never just suddenly stop to stare at someone, especially knowing that he can be caught staring. It was just as you had suspected earlier. 'To think that I thought there's something special between me and Bakugou.' you thought to yourself, keeping yourself out of the conversation while the girls teased Uraraka for getting so defensive.

The next day, Bakugou was packing his things and thinking ahead. He could already hear you grumbling something to yourself as you cleared your own desk, preparing to head back. There was a homework assigned to everyone and you will — for sure — be begging him to help you with it, even though its due in 2 weeks and you have plenty of time. Just as he was about to call out your name, Kaminari and Kirishima approached his desk.

“Hey Bakugou! Some of us are planning to go watch a movie after school, want to join?" Kirishima asked. Bakugou raised an eyebrow at this, looking slightly annoyed.

"Why would I wanna go with you extras?" the ash blonde grumbled.

"Because it will be fun! Everyone is coming right?" Kaminari turned towards the group of girls that has gathered around your desk.

"Yeah, most of us are!" Ashido chirped happily. 

"Come on Bakugou-kun! I think its a great opportunity for you and [First Name]-chan to take a break once in a while. And besides, she's been looking forward to this movie." Uraraka told the ash blonde.

Bakugou glanced over at you, seeing that you were somewhat looking forward to relax today. It was Friday, and probably the best day to take a break from all that studying. The ash blonde had been pushing you a bit too hard and maybe this is his chance. Bakugou reluctantly agreed but not before telling them to not chose some stupid movie. He shook his head, telling himself that he's not doing this just because he thinks that you deserve a break and that he likes you or anything. Just as he finished packing, he looked over towards you, seeing Hagakure approach your table with a skip.

"[First Name], let's go watch a movie! Even Bakugou is joining! Ochaco-chan just invited him." she exclaimed, motioning to the ash blonde who glared back at her. Your excitement died down a bit, glancing between your invisible friend and Bakugou.

"Um, I think I will pass! I think I'm gonna start with that homework we're given, it's gonna take me a while to finish that after all." you said, quickly gathering your items.

Seeing you leave the class quickly made him confused. Uraraka muttered about how weird it was for you to skip out on going out, especially knowing that you were all going to go watch a movie that you have been looking forward to for so long. Bakugou decided that it was not worth his time to think too much into it and leave you be. He's not your babysitter and it doesn't matter to him what you do anyways. All while he was watching movie, he was thinking about how you should've been here watching the movie.

Just when he thought your behavior on that day was only you not being your normal self ― you did something that he had never expected before. It happened on the day after the movies. He had already expected you to be knocking onto his door and begging him to explain to you about all the homeworks that were given and about that Science quiz on Monday. Sure you came to his room with a handful of your notes and textbooks ― like usual. Your hair was slightly messy from hurrying to meet up with him at the same time ― like usual. It was nothing out of the ordinary, something you both were accustomed to. You always came late, looking like you just rolled off the bed and went straight here.

It was the same old routine until he heard those words.

"Sorry Bakugou! I'm going to be studying with Momo-chan today, she's offered to partner up for the Japanese History project." you announced.

"Hah?" was all Bakugou could only respond with. He was confused. Normally, you would be begging him to become your partner because you're so used to him. What has changed in you?

"Also.....she offered to help me with my studies so you don't have to waste your time on me anymore. Thanks, Bakugou. I won't be bothering you starting from today onwards." you bowed and quickly left him behind.

'Whatever, I don't care.' was what Bakugou said to himself.

There was so much that he wanted to tell you. But he made no effort to call out to you as you hurriedly made a run for it to the elevator. He shouldn't be bothered by this so much. After all, he was only teaching you because Aizawa told him to. The ash blonde told himself that over and over but he couldn't help but longingly stare at your back as you ran away from him as if he was the plague. 'There's no turning back on this. I made up my mind to not be a burden anymore!’ you told yourself. From that point on, you made it a goal to not interact with Bakugou at all.

He was already confused to why you decided to have him to stop tutoring you in the first place. Bakugou didn't seem to bothered by it that much but it did make a lot of people ask him about what happened between the two of you. The two of you were normally seen together most of time and to see you both on your own is just weird. You were now spending time with the girls most of the time and instead of Bakugou, you had moved on to asking other people to assist you with homework.

He wasn't going to lie but the thought of you running to others and asking for help didn't sit well with him.

Today after school, you were seen in the common area doing your homework together with Yaoyorozu. Bakugou had went down from his room to get himself a drink. Now that he doesn't have to teach you anymore, he was much more free. He could finish his homework much faster than usual. Bakugou watched as you grinned happily after being praised for getting some work done. On his way to the kitchen, he passed by Kirishima who looked like he was taking a break from his own studying. 

"Hey, did you two have an argument or something?" Kirishima asked Bakugou who had opened the fridge to get his drink.

"Hah? What you on about?"

"I'm talking about [First Name]. All of a sudden you stopped partnering with her and tutoring her." the red haired mentioned as he looked over at you.

"Why should I care what she does anyway? She's not my girlfriend!" he said, glancing at you in hopes that you did not hear him at all. Lucky for him, you were too immersed in the conversation that you were having with your partner to even care about what was going on in the kitchen.

"But don't you both like each other or something?"

"Who said that!?"

"It's pretty obvious, bro."

Bakugou really doesn't want to admit it but he really likes you ― a bit too much that its starting to get obvious. He was now starting to get worried that you might catch on to his feelings. He looked at you for a moment, watching as you worked on a few tough questions, eyes narrowed at the book in front of you. It was a habit that he learned after being with you for so long and he never said it out loud but you look very cute like that. After a while, Midoriya and Uraraka joined you and Yaoyorozu. Bakugou's eyes narrowed at Midoriya who was helping you with some of the questions.

That should've been him! ― was what he told himself. 

Little did he know, you heard the commotion in the kitchen. Though whatever Kirishima and Bakugou was talking about was unknown to you, you could feel them looking at you. Shaking your head in response, you reminded yourself that you vowed to not get in Bakugou's way anymore. When Midoriya and Uraraka joined your study session, you decided to just focus on your homework now. You can’t lie about the fact that you missed Bakugou’s company. Even though he was always impatient and complaining about how slow you are, he never once left you on your own. Not to mention, he was surprisingly a great teacher.

The Bakusquad ― Bakugou never really liked and approval of that name ― were hanging out in the common area. Bakugou was here against his will, dragged by Kirishima and Kaminari who wanted to play some games together. At the dining table, a few students from Class 1-A were gathered around sharing some treats while the Bakusquad played some games by the couch. Bakugou was seated on one end of the two seater sofa, mindlessly scrolling through his phone and rethinking his life choices.

"There was this rumour that you like Uraraka or something." Kirishima mused while he looked through his phone.

"What?" Kaminari suddenly perked up, drawing his attention away from the video game.

"Hah?" Bakugou raised an eyebrow.

”I’m talking about Bakubro here!” the red head male spoke a bit louder to gain the other boys’ attention.

”Oh now that you mention it, I remember! There was this rumour going on about Bakugou liking Uraraka or something.” Sero piped up, not drawing his eyes away from the game he was playing against Kaminari.

“I thought Bakugou was dating [Last Name] already.” Kaminari pointed out.

”I know right?! I know they both like each other but are afraid to admit it.” Kirishima added in with a triumphant smile.

“No one fucking said that.” Bakugou glared at the boys who began to give him the looks.

”Come on, you were so overprotective of her at that one time when we studied in the library together!” Kirishima started, now his posture upright and eyes filled with determination.

”Oh right! When there were these random people hitting on her, you sure told them off!” Kaminari added to Kirishima’s anecdote.

”But there seems to be some tension between the two of you right now.” the blonde hummed, pausing the game to turn his attention to the conversation.

It took him that conversation to actually realize how much your ignorance has affected him. Not only did you decide not to ask for his help anymore, but you made it your mission to avoid him at all costs. You avoided sitting with him during lunch, not partnering up with him during hero training and clearly turning down invites from your friends whenever you hear that Bakugou will be joining as well. He had confronted you in front of everyone, demanding you to meet up with him. 

And of course, it was hard to run away when he asked you right in front of everyone. The only solution Bakugou came up to get you back and clear this up was to confess his undying love to you. 

You were really nervous to talk to him and for some reason, you had a feeling that you were going to have your heart broken. Bakugou, by all means, isn't oblivious and notices a lot of things around you. So it was no surprise that he realized that something is up with you and that you are ignoring him. He probably has figured out the reason behind you avoiding him already. And you couldn't help but think your reason was really dumb.

“Look, I have no idea what you’re telling but let me just say this.” you started it first, as you don’t wanna regret not saying anything any sooner.

”But I want to tell you that I don’t want to get in your way anymore. And I approve if you want to date Ochaco-chan." you were fiddling with your fingers. So you were aware of this rumour but never made the move to ask Bakugou himself if this was true and decided to just blindly believe in some stupid rumour that some random extra had spread. Bakugou almost wanted to strangle whoever did this because it gave you stupid ideas.

"You are a fucking idiot for believing in some extra's words instead of asking me. Why the hell did you avoid me instead of confront me about the rumours, hah?" the ash blonde was trying his best to remain calm and patient.

"Because.....I was afraid that those rumours are true." you admitted.

"And I'm here to tell you that its not fucking true. Round Face is madly in love with fucking Deku and she's not even trying to hide it. Everyone fucking knows that." he told you.

"So you don't like her?" you asked.

"Stop doubting my words." he flicked your forehead. You shut your eyes and rubbed at the sore spot, muttering a few words about how unnecessary that forehead flick was. Seeing how you looked very unconvinced with his words, his hands squeezed your cheeks together and forced you to make eye contact with him.

"Listen to me, you little shit. I am going to say this once and I am not going to repeat this. Because I have no fucking idea why you are so blind to all of this. You can be dumb at lot of things and frankly, I'm glad that you are." he sighed and you let out a gasp, offended by his words.

"Hey, I'm not dumb―" he cuts you off by squeezing your cheeks to the point where your words were all muffled.

"You're so helpless in your studies without me, its like you can't live without me. But it makes me feel special because you never ask someone else for help and always look for me. Even though you're shit at your studies, you have a really freaking strong quirk. You can be so fucking annoying and drive me insane sometimes but goddamn, how can you be so fucking adorable at the same time?" Bakugou started to get a bit frustrated now and he almost couldn't believe the words he was saying right now. 

You reached to grab his hands and pried them off your face to allow yourself to speak.

"I am not going to listen to you do this any further―"

Once again, Bakugou cuts you off by leaning down and pressing a kiss to your lips. You were startled but after a brief seconds, you started to kiss him back. It's what you imagined it to be like, sweet yet fiery at the same time. You melt into the kiss, lifting a hand to cup his cheek while he cards his hand through your hair. You were the one to pull away first, taking a deep breath and you held your gaze. Bakugou looks oddly calm but you could see the red tint on your cheeks that was starting to reach the tips of his ears.

"You're red."

"Oh shut up, you're ruining the fucking mood."

Total: 3593 words Published: 07.06.2021

Thank you for requesting! ｡٩(ˊᗜˋ)و*｡ Not angsty at all actually. At least in my opinion. We hope you liked it! ― author Lou

Thank you for requesting it! We decided to let you readers decide where you're from  Hope you enjoyed this! ― author Natsuki

Requests are closed! Matchups are closed!

Please do not mind the grammar mistakes and typos.