#and I have a couple of alters that can't quite be explained

[raccoon-queer]

I am this close to going crazy kjfadlksj

[foone]

I want a human zoology textbook.

Zoology, as in the study of animals. Like, a study of how humans work, done by an author that is not human.

I specifically want this for a couple reasons:

1. Descriptive, not prescriptive: don't tell me what the author thinks humans should do or how they should be. Tell me what they do. Observationally!

2. No bias towards "nature". I don't particularly care what the author is imagining humans are like in some "garden of eden" unfallen state. I want it to reference how humans ARE.

3. No morality applied to this! What do humans DO, not what you think they should do, or how they should be. And most importantly, no self-censorship in order to avoid offending some of the humans that disagree with ways people live.

And the reason I want this is because of how biology textbooks/wiki pages get written, where even if they try to be progressive they're still written from this weird perspective where they're explaining based on old ideas and the progressive stuff gets a footnote.

Like it'll be "humans have two genders, male and female. This is determined from their chromosomes, XY for male and xx for female."

And then you scroll past two pages for men and another two pages for women, and then it has one subsection that covers non-binary people and intersex people. And it's like: well then integrate that into your main statement!

It's like the author's worldview is still "there's two genders and everyone is born as one" but they've been forced to accept there are some weird exceptions but the core worldview is unchanged. And it's understandable! Wrong, but understandable: the grew up in a world that is quite strong on the "there are only two genders" ideology and doesn't like to remember that intersex people exist.

But like, imagine if you tried to do this as a zoologist. You're like "hey, all bees are female!" and then someone points out the rare male drones and they're like "oh okay I'll update my zoology textbook."

And now it reads:

All bees are female. Most are workers, and one is the queen.

(a couple sections go pass)

Drones: recent science has discovered that some bees are born male. These rare exceptions live short lives where they fertilize a queen and then die.

And it's like, no? Drones are very important to how a hive lives and they can't survive without them?

And we're constantly doing the same thing to humans and it's just bad science. Like, sure, maybe you could have the theory that "humans come in two genders: male and female" but as soon as you see one non-binary person, you have to discard that theory: it has been proven false! It's like not believing in other galaxies after Henrietta Swan Leavitt figured out how Cepheid Variables worked.

Add to that the "nature" thing. Like, you can make a sort of argument about nature vs artificial settings for a lot of species: the whole alpha/beta wolf thing came about because it turns out wolves act differently in captivity compared to the wild, so it makes sense to study how the vast majority of wolves live, not a small group you stuffed into a small area with unusual conditions. It's like saying the lifespan of goldfish is under 5 minutes, based on your study of them in this dry box you put them in.

But humans are different: we are tool-users who build new environments for ourselves. And while you can talk about how humans living in different environments act differently, it doesn't make a lot of sense to call one of them "artificial". All of them are made by us, and humans always do this. This means all environments are natural (because building environments for ourselves is what we naturally do) and all environments are artificial: we always alter our environments to better suit us! That's one of the things we naturally do!

And as for morality, it's about not ignoring things humans do regularly because you think it's weird or you think they shouldn't.

Like that tweet where someone pointed out that lots of species can change gender. Clown fish are a big one, some frogs, a couple birds, some lizards, and humans.

And people often have an immediate knee-jerk reaction of "that doesn't count!" for the last entity in that list. Why? Because we do it (usually) with clothes and makeup and medication, instead of just "naturally"? Bullshit. We're naturally TOOL USERS. Of course we use tools to change gender. We use tools to do EVERYTHING. That's natural for us.

So yeah. I think it'd be refreshing and enlightening to have a zoology textbook written about humans with this detached non-human perspective. An unbiased description of what humans are and do, rather than one irrevocably tinged with ideas of what humans should be and should do.

Basically I want to load up Vulcan Wikipedia and check the "Humans" article.

[misc-obeyme]

Hello my beloved CC I’d love to hear about how Mephistopheles would react to MC giving him conversation hearts?

Dearest Violet, I hope you're having a fabulous Valentine's Day!

I really thought I wouldn't have time to do all the other characters today, but the stars have aligned and gave me some unexpected extra hours! So I went ahead and did everybody, including of course our man Mephisto! I also did my OC Arsenios because I was curious about what his reaction would be lol.

Thank you for asking! 💕

XOXO Part Two - GN!MC x side characters & OC Arsenios

Warnings: none!

Part One

Diavolo

Absolutely thrilled, of course. Tell him everything you know about conversation hearts, even if it's just that they exist and are sold every year. Watch his eyes get all shiny as he looks at them because he thinks they're so adorable.

He will eat them, but he will read every single one in the box out loud to you first. And he'll want you to eat them with him, so he's going to deliberately give you the ones that he would actually like to say to you. This means you end up eating most of them because he can't help himself.

Give him the one that says MY HERO and watch him blush. He tries to keep his cool, but you can see how much it means to him. He's happy you gave him these, MC. Thank you for sharing a piece of your world with him.

Now you're the one blushing. Diavolo gives you his signature laugh and pulls you into his arms. Gives you the last one that just says KISS before doing exactly that.

Barbatos

He's surprised, but quite happy because it turns out he actually made his own version to give to you. He thought you might like a little piece of home, but he never expected you to share that same thing with him. He's touched that you thought of him, MC.

He is aware of them because of his tendency to learn about human world desserts and candies. The ones he made for you are beyond delicious. You insist he share them with you because they taste better than the normal chalk version. Barbatos is happy to, but he finds the regular human world variety quite charming as well.

His hearts have a lot of the usual cute sayings, but a couple of them have more elaborate decorations such as a little bouquet of flowers or an elegant lace pattern. You can't help but blush when you find one that just says your name.

He finds the same message in both sets of hearts and gives them to you. They say BE MINE. Give him one back that says I'M YOURS and all the sweet candies are forgotten because he needs you in his arms that very second.

Simeon

Oh these are incredibly cute. He's so happy that you've given him some! If the box happens to have any texting acronyms, though, he will be baffled. Holds one up for you that says TTYL with a question in his eyes. Explain to him what they all mean and that it's only something they include because they're short enough to fit on the hearts.

Simeon finds them delightful. He'll be especially pleased if you give him an extra box for Luke. He thinks Luke would love to decorate a cake with some of these!

But he has to admit that the messages are a little too short to truly encompass how he feels about you. He shifts some of them around to from little sentences, eventually landing on REAL LOVE, PEACE, FOREVER. Do you understand what he's trying to say, MC?

Maybe you form your own sentence in hopes that he'll see you do understand. Something like ONLY YOU, ANGEL. Watch him blush and smile. Then he's kissing you and it's far sweeter than anything a conversation heart has to offer.

Solomon

Of course he's already familiar with this particular item from your shared human experience. He was probably alive when they first came on the scene and he might tell you about it if you prod him enough. He might not have been paying much attention, though, so likely his memory on this just that they showed up at some point.

He's really quite happy that you gave him some. His instinct is to wow you by using magic to alter them. He turns them different colors and changes the words on them. He makes one spell out a whole Shakespeare sonnet one or two words at a time.

You can't help but laugh at that, but you tell him it's cheating. If he really wants to let you know how he feels, he has to use what's already in the box. He accepts your challenge. Have you forgotten who you're dealing with, MC?

Surprises you by not giving you a whole stack of them. He only hands you a single heart. It says, boldly and clearly, I LOVE YOU. He's smiling his mischievous smile, but there's a slight blush there, too. Your answer is a kiss.

Mephistopheles

At first he's somewhat confused. Why are you giving him a box full of chalk, MC? He's not exactly familiar with human world stuff, so he doesn't realize it's candy at first. Explain it to him and he's surprisingly appreciative. He wasn't expecting you to think of him.

Really knock his socks off by giving him a few extra boxes for his little brother. The fact that you remembered he has one really makes him soft. It also gives him the opportunity to ask about your own family. He wants to know about them, if you want to talk about them.

Now you're having a whole conversation that goes far beyond the hearts, but you're both enjoying them together. He might not even like them all that much, but he seems to be content to eat them with you.

Deliberately give him one that says FIRST KISS and watch him get flustered. Acts like it wasn't an invitation on your part, so you'll have to be a little more blatant if you actually want him to kiss you. Eventually he gets the message and it turns out he's wanted to kiss you all along. You can tell by how hungry his lips are and the way he wraps his arms so tightly around you.

Raphael

Surprises you by actually knowing about them. Seems confused by your surprise. Surely you've heard about Michael's preference for sweet things. That extends to human world items like this, too. He doesn't really get the appeal, but he is happy that you thought of him.

He actually likes the brevity of the messages. They're short and efficient, communicating a single sentiment quickly and clearly. Nobody could misinterpret something that says CALL ME. That's pretty straightforward, don't you think, MC?

This argument is all well and good until you give him one that says XOXO. He has no idea what that means. Perhaps it's in a human world language he's not familiar with? He takes back everything he said about clear communication.

Once you explain what they mean, he gets a little flustered. Hugs and kisses? Why not just say that? Distract him by pulling him in for a simultaneous hug and kiss. He's blushing for real now. He understands the essence of XOXO a little better, but he wouldn't mind if you showed him again.

Thirteen

Wow, humans do some really adorable things, don't they? Look at these tiny hearts with cheesy words on them! They look like chalk, but she finds them endearing. And of course she's trying to hide how pleased she is that you gave her something. It's really cute of you.

She's already coming up with ways to use them for traps. Put a spell on one and leave it somewhere an immortal sorcerer just might happen to find it. She might do it, too, if you don't distract her a bit.

Find one that says MY GIRL to give to her. She smiles and blushes just a little, but leans in to ask if you think she belongs to you. Maybe you tell her that you'd like that. A direct response such as that flusters her and now she's not sure how to react.

Searches through the hearts, but she can't seem to find one that says what she wants, so she just shoves the first one she picks up toward you. It says LOL. You actually do laugh because it's pretty cute how flustered she is. She decides to clear things up by kissing you. You get a little dizzy at how quickly she goes from shy to bold. It's some time before she lets you go.

Arsenios

The minute you put the box in his hand, he's fighting down a blush because wow, you are really cute, MC. A sweet little human like you actually taking the time to give him these candies stamped with lovey phrases really surprises him.

He takes them all out of the box and lines them up in the way that makes the most sense. You're a little confused about why he's doing it until he takes out his guitar. A few chords later and he's singing you a song using every phrase from the box. You're both laughing pretty quickly because the words are mostly nonsense.

But Arsenios deliberately left the best group for last and his voice becomes sweet when he sings you the final line. ONLY YOU, MY LOVE, BE TRUE. It's still only a fragment of a sentence at best, but the sentiment rings through the notes and you can see it in his eyes.

He smiles at you as the notes fade away because he's pleased at your reaction. But it isn't enough, so he takes your hands and asks if he can kiss you. If you say yes, you'll find yourself so distracted in his embrace that you don't notice that he never actually ate any of the candy hearts.

xoxo part one with the brothers

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[riddle-me-ri]

a/n: I totally didn’t forget the result of my poll…a..couple months back, lmao. I’ve actually always been thinking about it but never had a chance to sit down and get them done lol. Starting off strong with the riddle bois! Not sure who's up next, but no worries, all the rogues I write for will have a chance to shine!

Also not entirely back to fully uploading like I used to but may upload like once in a blue moon especially when the inspiration strikes me or if I need a small break from drawing lol

Content Warning: mentions of non-gender specific nudity and some allusions to sexual activity but nothing explicit.

The Riddlers React to Reader Going to Bed Naked

Arkhamverse Riddler:

- Well, first things first he’s got to be willing to go to bed.

- You figured you could have an interesting surprise waiting for him when he finally gives into the sweet call of slumber.

- Edward doesn't notice at first–basically running on fumes as he gets under the covers.

- It isn't until he tries to get comfortable he notices.

- And he is extremely shocked.

- How–what–what's the logic behind this? This is ridiculous!

- He almost has half a mind to wake you up and demand you put and demand you put something on.

- Yet he somehow even feels too tired to even do that.

- Ed will deny it in the morning, but you cannot deny that he did enjoy nestling into your side and into your skin.

Reevesverse/Dano Riddler:

- Oh..uhh…oh wow…umm…is that really comfortable?

- Gotham can be unbearingly cold at night and his apartment doesn't have the best heater.

- Edward is still very new to this level of intimacy–

- His brain will go into overdrive, trying to figure out if you're trying to tell him something.

- Are-are you trying to initiate…what he thinks you are?

- As his head spins, his face is flushed red.

- Edward will try to work up the courage to ask what this is about.

- You will have to explain to him if you were teasing him or just trying a new sensation.

- Either way, he will understand or try to, just give him a heads up next time…you almost gave him a heart attack.

Gotham Riddler:

- Is that really comfortable? 2.0

- His whole pale face is as red as a ripe tomato.

- Eddie will likely assume you aren't feeling well…that…that's the only explanation.

- Are you getting chills? Are you overheating? Do you feel nauseous? Here let him take your temperature.

- You really can't help but laugh and find his concern incredibly endearing.

- Ed is relieved to hear you're fine, but is now back to surprise when he realizes you were just teasing him.

- What…what should he do? For once he kinda leans into his confident alter ego for guidance.

- Once you two get closer and he gets to feel the softness of your skin, he's immediately hooked.

- Eddie can't just have his hands touching you, he wants all of his skin touching your own.

BTAS Riddler:

- Man's face is as red as his hair.

- Well, well, well…this is um…quite the surprise.

- Where in the world did you get this idea?

- Eddie will try to keep a confident and collected aura about him.

- But he's absolutely quivering on the inside, his heart about to beat out of his chest.

- His eyes rake over your body, appreciatively, until you tore the covers from his hand and snuggle into the mattress as you tuck the comforter back underneath you.

- You tease him and say he can't see or touch until he joins you also naked.

- Well, who's he to turn down a deal like that?

- Eddie snatches the covers and hops into bed, quick to wrap you in his arms and kiss youwhich muffled your laughs.

Zero Year/Capullo Riddler:

- Oh my God fucking FINALLY

- As much as he does enjoy the occasional strip tease…

- Having you already naked makes it a gazillion times easier to get to the main event.

- I imagine this Ed only sleeps in his boxers (briefs)...(and question mark socks)

- So when he sees you naked he's very quick to discard his underwear.

- If you weren't trying to have sex by sleeping nude then…good luck trying to convince him otherwise.

- Or trying to get his hands off of you…like at all.

- But come on, were you really expecting anything less?

Telltale Riddler:

- Quirks an eyebrow.

- He's not sure if he's amused, confused, or annoyed.

- And you can't quite tell either at first.

- Of course not one to give in to your antics..

- He asks you plainly what you're doing and what you were expecting out of this “surprise”

- You shrug, maybe you wanted to catch him off guard, maybe you've been getting too hot cause he won't let you turn the ac on (cause if it's hitting anything below 80°F he claims to be freezing)

- Ed will either call your bluff and actually get into bed with you and not give you any attention…you will have to work for that.

- Or he'll tell you to put some clothes on or he won't share a bed with you.

- OR if you catch him on a particularly trying night he may just pounce immediately.

Young Justice Riddler:

- *blue screen of death*

- *dial up internet sounds*

- Most likely to genuinely have his nose slowly bleed.

- He's confused on what to do or how to respond.

- Like not that he doesn't…err…appreciate you letting him see you but…why?

- Also like Gotham Riddler and wonders if maybe you're overheating or not feeling well.

- When you tell him you just wanted to tease him, he's practically melting.

- Oh well, yeah you…you did very successfully.

- You'll likely have to drag him to bed with you and proceed to take off his clothes for him so he can join you properly.

[viviennevermillion]

With an asexual s/o

notes: just some self-indulgent headcanons. i don't think this is going to get a lot of notes but the ace community deserves more content.

contains: character x gn!reader, qpr in alhaithams part, the plot twist here is that the characters in question are also on the ace-spectrum

characters included: alhaitham, diluc, pantalone

warnings: mentions of sex in the context of being asexual, hints at harassment and a bit of violence in pantalone's part (not towards the reader)

aphobes, dc creators and consumers dni

Alhaitham

Let's be real here, Alhaitham as a kid took one look at romance and sexual relations and decided that he'd have a better time with a good book and a research trip to the desert. "You'll change your mind when you get older", they said to him. And then he didn't. And everytime someone brings that up he's kinda smug about it, in a told you so kinda way. Alhaitham always knew what he wanted and didn't want and people thinking they knew better was a hassle for him he'd rather not bother with.

Alhaitham is aware of the term asexual and that he falls under it by definition but he doesn't really care for putting labels on himself as he sees no necessity to find ways to explain and define himself to people. The only time he actively labels himself as asexual is when you come out to him to make things easier for you.

Alhaitham would be considered quoiromantic; he's not sure if what he feels is romantic attraction but the concept of romantic attraction also doesn't have much significance to him.

You don't get together with Alhaitham by asking him out and going on dates with him. Your bond just kinda happens. You spend a significant amount of time in each other's presence and Alhaitham finds that he quite enjoys your company. As you become closer, he notices he looks forward to talking to you everyday; to even engage in some playful banter with you. He can talk to you about all sorts of topics and your relationship just has this feel of mutual comfort to it. You can just idly sit next to each other and exchange a couple of words and somehow people can always tell you two are close. He's clearly looking out for you and you're very considerate of his habits and preferences. You're always each other's first choice for anything, whether it's spending your freetime together, seeking advice or working on something together. Alhaitham seems more at peace and happier when he's with you and so do you.

Several people had asked you whether you two were dating or just friends and feeling unsure of where you stood with him, you decided to talk to him about it. "And why would we need to put a label on it, hmm?", he asks and wraps an arm around you affectionately, "so people can put us into categories to ease their own confusion because they struggle to clearly define our bond?"

Alhaitham thought you might have romantic feelings for him and he was half-prepared for holding you a lecture on alterous attraction and how he doesn't experience attraction and relationships the same way most people do. When you come out to him as asexual he's like "god you're making this so much easier for me."

Alhaitham reassures you that he cares deeply about you and he'd like to keep you close to him as you already were. From that moment on, Alhaitham calls you his partner and you call him that too. What that entails? No one's business.

Alhaitham doesn't often initiate physical affection but he does a lot of idle motions like putting an arm around you when you sit down next to him or leaning his head against your shoulder when he's laying next to you and reading his book. He doesn't mind if you want to kiss or cuddle though.

It's clear as day to anyone who knows you that you two love each other even if they can't exactly define what you have as either friendship or romance.

Diluc

Lisa was the one person who started off teasing Diluc a little about having so many admirers and asking him "aren't you interested in any of them?" but she also was the first to notice Diluc was probably ace before Diluc himself even noticed he worked differently than most people around him.

But oh Diluc noticed, even if he didn't have a label to put on it before he met you. He always felt a little uneasy when the topic came up because he just knew it'd result in people asking questions and him not having an answer nor particularly wanting to answer them.

By the time he met you Diluc had become quite the expert in turning people down but the more time he spent with you, the more he noticed that he didn't want to turn you down. And that this time would probably result in you turning him down. Oh how wrong he was.

He could tell you liked him as time went on but he was hesitant about taking the next step because he feared you might, by convention, expect things from him he couldn't give you. And you felt the same way. So the two of you grew gradually closer, even flirting with each other on rare occasion, all while actively dancing around the confrontation because neither of you had an idea how to address the subject

You're the one who eventually tells him how you feel and comes out to him. Diluc asks a couple of questions and listens attentively as you explain asexuality to him. Then goes: "Oh, so there is a word for it.."

You felt really relieved to hear that Diluc felt the same as you did and that you helped him make sense of his experiences. He confessed to you that for a while he was worried that there might just be something wrong with him and that he's happy that's not the case and that he gets to be with you, someone who understands him and can relate.

He has a long conversation with you about your shared experiences because this is the first time he could talk with someone else about this without being at least partially dismissed. He also talks about your boundaries with you and his as well to make sure neither of you makes the other uncomfortable with something.

After the talk Diluc feels a little exhausted because even though it was relieving and enlightening, it was also stressful and made him feel a little anxious, given that you were talking about something he mostly kept to himself up to this point.

He asks if he can kiss you and if you say yes, he leans over and kisses you softly, letting you bury your fingers in his hair. His kiss is hesitant at first but he gets more passionate with time, smiling into the kiss when he notices this is actually happening. That you accept him the way he is and love him and are kissing him.

He lets you stay with him for the night, holding you protectively against his chest.

Pantalone

Painfully aware of the fact that he's on the ace-spectrum because the rich people he scams for his plans tend to get really good at oversharing about their sexual preferences after enough wine at the banquets. The alcohol is a double-edged sword because it sometimes works in his favor since he can find out people's weak points but it's also an easy spiral into "too much information, didn't need to know this"

Several of his business partners have tried to pressure him to join them in their endeavors because they "know a club in some fairly unknown alley" or have encouraged him to "hit someone up", which he always refused. Which is what bred the joke in those circles that the only thing that man is attracted to is cold hard cash.

He had many people who tried to make advances towards him, some because they were after his money and some because he was conventionally attractive. Quite a few entitled nobles had a tendency to mistake his mischievous and suave demeanor as him being flirty when really he was just scheming how to bleed them dry of all the money they have 💀

Some of them just wouldn't take "no thank you I'm not interested" as an answer, insisting they could change that. Most of them he just shooed away. Two or three ended up with some broken bones because they took it a step too far.

Pantalone has seen some shit and been through a lot and he hasn't been given physical affection in over a literal decade so he's actually fairly hesitant and receiving affection from you and he needs to warm up a bit to the idea of being kissed and held.

When you tell him you're asexual he's like "oh thank god, me too."

He always asks before he initiates any new physical contact or kisses you in a place he hasn't before to make sure to not overstep any of your boundaries. After all, he's receiving the patience from you he craved but most people wouldn't have given him.

He's pretty sex-repulsed because he spent too much time around the worst kind of people for the sake of harbinger business.

He's clingy and extremely gentle with you in private and will love you with all his heart but if anyone dares to give you shit over your asexuality or bothers you they'll receive the iciest death glare that banker is capable of. The one more step and you're a dead man kinda expression.

He'll smile and go "My, my, it sounds like you had quite the exciting day, my friend" at some rich, slightly intoxicated merchant making small talk with him at a gathering and telling Pantalone about all his pursuits of women and his affairs in detail but the second that person is out of sight, Pantalone's face falls and he looks at you with an "I'm done" expression. "I don't want to be here", he says dryly and you suggest to get another mousse au chocolat from the buffet and share it with him. "Yeah, let's", he takes your hand and glances at the guy who talked to him just now, "once I have his cash I'll buy you something nice from it." "Not this again, Pantalone." He gently kisses your lips. "See it as compensation for the emotional damage this conversation gave us."

Over the course of your relationship Pantalone finds out he's actually demisexual but that doesn't change anything between the two of you either. He adapts to you with ease, no matter what your boundaries are.

author's note: tagging @k-zu because he wanted to be tagged! ✨

[ballcrusher74]

hello. are you. perhaps 👉👈 willing to talk about the inspector/faux. ive only seen cool arts and no context so im rather curious.

OK!!! I actually love rambling about my ocs so small questions like this make me day. I just get nervous LOL But! I will say, there's gonna probably be a bit I'm leaving out because it does involve my friends' characters and it's still an on-going thing atm (we tend to roleplay on lethal company as our guys. btw the oc group is called Cleanup Crew ! it explains the recent reblogs and new tags I've added on posts with this guy) AND this does also involve my own little interpretations of in-game mechanics and other things, but otherwise, I'll get the rest of him down!

Inspector, also originally known by the name of Terrance Conroy (or Terry), was a typical scavenger working under 'The Company' after a couple rough times on his home planet. (This information isn't necessarily set in stone, but the idea of him being a washed-up rock star before quitting his passion to get a job that pays his rent has been bouncing around in my brain.) He used to be a normal guy, trying to find a little hope in his desperate situation, and was a social butterfly. He tend to bounce from crew to crew, sometimes staying in some for only a couple days, and some for months. He was a very careful man, and looked out for his fellow crew members.

And then, one day, his first death on the job happens.

But instead of being greeted by a bright white light at the end of a tunnel, or complete pitch darkness, he appears on the ship again- completely physically fine.

This.. confuses him at first, yet he continues on.

And then he dies again. And again, and again. Over and over, the more deaths he's endured, the more he comes to a morbid realization that he can't truly die, nor can those around him. He tries to keep this truth hidden away from the others, as they seem to not have mentioned it at all before. He remembers everything. Every time he was ripped to shreds by an eyeless dog, every time he blew up into pieces from a landmine, every time he was shot multiple times, every time he was left behind or ejected as part of the disciplinary process- He felt it all and remembered it all. This goes on for the course of years (around 8-10 roughly) and over that course of time, he begins to grow very careless. What's the point of saving someone if they'll just come back? What's the use of tears when you're only a couple dollars off quota with a shovel in hand?

What's the point of it all? And with that carelessness comes selfishness into the picture. With how long he's been stuck in the cycle, he has become a very manipulative person, putting up a playful and nice persona on the outside- almost sickeningly sweet- in order to help other's do his bidding. He believes that if he were to cause so much chaos, disorder, and disruption within a crew, to where it's like animals mauling each other apart, he'd be able to break free from it himself. He doesn't care anymore about leaving others behind. He's desperate at this point to find a way out. Faux, who is an alter ego / disguise for Inspector, ties more into the on-going events right now, but I can give a basic rundown on his personality. He's a klutzy and quiet man, typically only talking to others when it's just him and them, and nobody else around, playing himself off as a selective mute. Since this is just Inspector in a jazzy little jester outfit, he still possesses all the traits of that man, just hidden away as to not blow his cover. He's still tugging on the strings in some way, people just don't realize. Sure, he's off putting and just a tad bit strange, but how can a goofy man like that be terrifying?

WOOOW ok that's a lot more typing than expected, but here's also a couple fun facts about the guy !

He stands at 6 feet and 1 inch, and is a very lanky guy compared to others, but this wasn't always the case. He used to just stand at 5 feet and 6 inches, and had more normal human proportions. With how many times he has died and how long it's been of the cycle, it has fucked up his appearance a LOT. Other things include : his 'skin' being grey, his voice constantly sounding like it's coming from a walkie talkie, no visible neck, his face becoming the helmet itself (it still bleeds, but there's nothing in there), and inhumanly flexible.

The only thing left of him that represents his last strand of humanity, is a singular, dim eye behind the tape on his visor.

He is very much not a rational man anymore. He is quick to jump to things, and won't hesitant with his actions.

When waiting to return from death, he is able to manifest in someone's head as a disembodied voice, and will typically mock them, or try and manipulate them further. In this state, he can see everything through the eyes of the person he's haunting. ^ Fun fact about this! This was originally based off a stupid bit where my friend was streaming LC to me with other buddies on the game and I kept telling them to step on landmines and then kill someone for a promotion, and then Inspector was born!

and UH I think that's about it I have for the guy atm! If the rest of the cleanup crew gets dropped than I'll update this accordingly perhaps. As of right now, enjoy my oc slop 👍

[cantstoplovingjude]

Underneath the Black Veil: Victor Ch.1

This is from Ikemen Villains EN, Cybird owns everything.

Soft rays of sunshine illuminated the study in the palace.

The aroma of Earl Grey tea and freshly baked scones drizzled with honey wafted through the air.

While I ate, I proofread my report to Her Majesty.

Victor was the one who'd served me the delicious tea and scones, of course. And speaking of Victor...

Victor: "Oh, that Jude. He ripped another shirt of his!"

Victor: "Well, he is very well-acquainted with the edge of a knife, so I suppose it can't be helped."

Victor: "Ah! The buttons are coming off Harrison's jacket! He's so troublesome."

He was cheerfully sewing repairs into the clothes of the Crown members.

Kate: "Haha. I see you're hard at work, Victor."

Victor: "I certainly am! And when Jude sees his neatly repaired clothing. I just know what he'll say."

Jude: "Ya sewed it up for me? Not bad for Queenie's right-hand man. Appreciate it."

Victor: "Heheh, and then I'll get one of his rare smiles! And then Harrison will say..."

Harrison: "You're so considerate, Victor. How about I take you out for lunch sometime?"

Victor: "Heheh, and then we'll finally have a lunch date together! Just imagining it makes my heart race!"

(...I highly doubt either of them will say those things.)

Regardless, I was doing my job as Fairytale Keeper, working once again alongside the ever lively and cheerful queen's aide.

Being with Victor felt comfortable, and honestly it was the place I could relax the most.

The only problem was that his homemade sweets were too delicious, and I ended up eating way too much.

Victor: "Oh, that's right! I was just thinking I needed to alter something of yours as well."

Kate: "What?"

I widened my eyes when Victor snapped his fingers and produced a piece of clothing.

It was a beautiful, jet-black wedding dress.

Kate: "It's lovely!"

Victor: "Isn't it? It's a one-of-a-kind item, so it's not your size just yet."

Kate: "Hang on a second, Victor. I'm not following you here."

Obviously, I had no recollection of buying such a beautiful wedding dress, nor did I have the occasion to wear it.

Victor: "Hm?"

Victor: "Oh! I got ahead of myself there! I'm so silly!"

Victor shrugged and put the wedding dress aside, then gave me a serious look.

Victor: "There have been rumors circulating amongst couples in London about a certain organization called Amour."

Victor: "Supposedly, those who join the organization and get married at their facility can obtain 'eternal love'."

Kate: "This is the first I've heard of it. It sounds like fortune telling or a superstition. It's kind of laughable."

Victor: "Oh, I thought so too. Before the disappearances happened, at least."

Kate: "Disappearances?"

He explained the whole story to me.

Apparently, many couples who went to Amour's church disappeared.

Victor suspected there was something sinister happening, so he and William began to investigate.

The two of them discovered that the leader of Amour was behind it all.

Their theory was the man killed the couples to steal the money they'd been saving for their future together.

(That's horrible.)

I thought it was odd that Victor and William hadn't taken action yet, if they discovered that much so far.

Kate: "Is there any reason no one's condemned them yet?"

Victor: "Well, the leader doesn't usually show his face in public."

Victor: "He only appears at the wedding ceremonies."

(Oh, then that explains the wedding dress.)

Kate: "So in the other words, I'm going to have to pretend to be engaged to someone and infiltrate Amour."

Kate: "And when we have our wedding, the leader will appear and we can condemn him."

Victor: "Precisely! You're always so quick to catch on."

Kate: "So? Who's going to be my fiancé?"

Victor: "Well, as you can see by all these torn clothes, the members of Crown have been quite busy lately."

Victor: "Right now, I'm the only one who can accept the mission."

Victor: "In other words, Miss Kate..."

Victor: "Will you marry me?"

Kate: "Victor..."

Victor: "I, Victor, swear that I shall always protect you. I will never make you feel anxious or sad. So, what do you say?"

The way he looked at me with his eyes that sparkled like jewels made it difficult for me to say no.

Kate: "I'm the Fairytale Keeper after all, so I have no choice but to say yes. Please, let me go with you on this mission."

Victor: "Really?! Thank you, Kate! I'm so happy!"

Seeing how thrilled Victor was made me happy too.

(Come to think of it, this will be my first mission with Victor.)

(Except, wait a minute. If worse comes to worst... can Victor fight?)

He was fully competent with his work and household chores, but I'd never once seen him anything remotely close to combat.

And no matter how many times I tried to imagine it, all I could see was him happily skipping down the hallway.

(Well, that just means I'll have to protect him if anything happens!)

It would be a major incident if anything happened to the queen's aide.

Victor: "Now, let's give into the darkness of our wicked hearts. And also have a blast!"

==========

After we packed our bags, we headed to Amour's church.

Follower: "Welcome to Amour!"

The followers dressed in pure white clothes greeted us at the door.

We told them we'd like to have a wedding, and they all smiled brightly at us.

Follower: "Very well, then. First, we'll conduct a test to see if you two truly love each other."

(A test?)

(I guess I should've expected that, but... now what?)

I anxiously looked over at Victor, who firmly squeezed my hand.

It was like he was telling me it would be all right.

Victor: "Yes, of course. But you know, love is very difficult to prove since you can't see it with the naked eye."

Victor: "Therefore..."

Victor: "If I can make Kate smile in an instant, will you take that as proof that we love each other?"

The follower conferred with each other and then nodded at his suggestion.

Victor: "Thank you so much for being flexible, and for being so generous!"

Victor: "Now, everyone! May I have your attention, please?"

Victor: "I have here an ordinary jacket, but I'm going to shake it and make Kate's favorite flower appear!"

Follower: "...I guess he's doing some kind of magic thick?"

Victor: "Now, watch carefully. I'll shake the jacket and..."

Victor: "Ta-daaa!"

All of a sudden, a white dove flew out of Victor's jacket.

Followers: "Eek!"

Victor: "Whoa! Why doves?!"

Follower: "Open the windows! Quickly, open the windows!"

Kate: "I-I'll help you!"

Everyone quickly opened the windows, and the dove gracefully flew out and up to the sky.

(That startled me!)

Kate: "Heh..."

Victor: "Hm?"

Kate: "Pfft, ahahaha! Another dove?!"

Kate: "I swear, every time your magic tricks fail a dove appears! Ahaha!"

Follower: "Haha... That surprised me! I certainly wasn't expecting a dove."

Victor: "Well, all's well that ends well. She did end up smiling, after all!"

Follower: "A promise is a promise. We shall acknowledge that you two truly love each other."

Victor: "Wow, really? Thanks!"

The followers all chuckled with chagrin as they stood around Victor.

(I was afraid of what would happen if he failed, but he didn't only make me smile... He made everyone else smile too.)

Follower: "Well, then, let's hold the wedding tomorrow morning. Until then, you're free to do as you please."

End Ch.1

[kyndredravenstories]

Eyes of Infinity: Delirium Chapter 11

Hello, I have been posting my work on AO3 and recently decided to venture here to Tumblr. Please note: This story is 18+. No minors. Please read tags carefully. Link to AO3 below but I will also be posting the chapters here.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53564641/chapters/149422321

Pairing: Sylus/Female MC with some elements of Xavier/Female MC

Genre: Romance, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst, Adventure, Smut, Porn with Big Plot and Big Feelings

Content Warning (For the entire fic): Explicit sexual content, spoilers and alterations to existing lore and cards/memories/tender moments/secret times, size kink, size difference, vaginal sex, cunnilingus, anal sex, fingering, all kinds of fingering, elements of consensual somno, dom!Sylus, jealousy, possessive!Sylus, Mephisto stalking, typical game violence, battle and combat, PTSD

Summary: To love him meant stepping over the threshold and crossing into darkness. To be with him meant accepting the lure of the shadows. And to protect him from betrayal meant sacrifice. I knew not how, only that I would not let time sever our paths ever again.

Previous Chapters: Ch 1 / Ch 2 / Ch 3 / Ch 4 / Ch 5 / Ch 6 / Ch 7 / Ch 8 / Ch 9 / Ch 10

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I am a Hunter, and I'm straight as an arrow. But, even I break the rules at times. I had certainly saved plenty of people in Linkon in my time fighting Wanderers, so it's no surprise that I have quite a few individuals that 'owe me one'. As I prepare for meeting Malakai, I remember a certain shop keep that operates a semi-illegal arms pawn and trade shop known as the "Crate" in the Auric Sector. My guns might not be enough to give me an edge against Malakai, so I decide to pay the "Crate" a visit. 

A few stops on the bullet train takes me there in less than thirty minutes. When I walk in, his son gives me a glare that could melt rock. I hold my head high, unfazed. I'm used to confrontations like this. Though most people are usually glad to see Hunters about, not all citizens are happy to have us interfere in their business. As though nothing is amiss, I walk up to the counter and lean against it. Around me, the walls and displays are lined with all kinds of weapons and ammo. Guns, blasters, spears, wands, and even swords. Some are innovative models, others are off-brand Hunter copies.

"Fireborne," the man across from me sneers. He's short with sideburns that are too long and greasy hair that could have used a wash last month. "Thought you were on suspension."

I give him a winning smile. "Maybe I should tag a couple of fines to your books this month and see if they'll end my medical leave early as a reward." We stare each other down until he reaches for a gun that's strapped to his hip. I keep my cool. Even an idiot like this wouldn't dare to attack a Hunter out in broad daylight. 

"Get away from her, Gary," an old grizzled voice shouts from the back room. A wrinkled man with tanned skin and a head of white hair limps out, leaning heavily on a long black cane.

"Alren," I nod respectfully.

"Ellara, what brings you to my neck of the armory?" the store owner asks. As he approaches, his son, Gary, slinks away. Alren's eyes fall on Mephisto who's calmly perched on my shoulder. "And what's with the bird?"

"New pet I picked up," I explain, ignoring Mephisto's frustrated grunt. I point to the display case I'm leaning on. "Listen, I'm going to a meet up tonight and things are probably going to get hairy. I need something small but potent. Something I could hide in a skirt."

Alren gives me a one over and crosses his arms over his chest. "You're on suspension, so I assume you can't pay for this trinket you're needing?"

"Right as usual," I nod sheepishly.

"I do owe you my life, Ell." He lets out a long sigh and scratches the back of his head. "Let me see what I can do."

He takes me through several display cases and shows me quite a few different gadgets on his walls. None of them really strike me as what I would need. After nearly an hour, we make it to one of the front-most display cases. The 'real expensive stuff' as Alren puts it.

"Grenades?" I frown. "The place I'm going to is public. I don't want collateral damage."

Alren pulls out a box about five inches in width. He pops open the lid to reveal a thin narrow cylindrical object. It's silvery. Curious, I reach for it, but Alren gives me a warning glare.

"See that ridge at the top? That's the pin. Pop it off with your nail and you'll make us both deaf."

"A stun grenade?"

Alren nods. "But localized. Smaller. More temporary effects. Good for sticky situations and undetectable to scanners."

I'm instantly in love. "How much?"

"Too much for a Hunter salary," he chortles. With another sigh, he pats my back. "It's on the house. After this consider us even."

It doesn't fit in my skirt, but I do manage to hide it inside the inner pocket of my chest piece. After leaving the "Crate", I make my way back to the Destiny Café. Unfortunately, my trip there doesn't yield anything useful. As expected, there is no information on any reservations for private rooms at 9 PM tonight. I end up touring a few of the rooms then heading back out to grab a bite to eat and to try to text Xavier again.

The day passes in the blink of an eye, and the time for the meetup arrives too swiftly. My messages to Xavier hang as "delivered" but still unread. At some point, Mephisto flies off somewhere, and no more texts or calls come through on my phone. Just as I suspected earlier, I'm alone in this.

As my watch signals 8:59 PM, I have no choice but to proceed inside.

After eight o'clock, the Destiny Café transitions to its nighttime décor. The bright daylight bulbs are dimmed and warm orange-tinted lights give the place a cozy firelight feel. The area for the internet café comes alive with multicolored LED signs and patterns. The computers there glow and pulse in a row of rainbow keyboards and mice. The coffee bar is still going strong, serving those who are more active during the dark hours of the clock.

It's a fairly busy night, and the rooms and seats are mostly all occupied. As I enter through the door, a pleasant chime calls the waiters' attention to my presence. I leave my winter coat at their valet check-in, and the servers wave and ask if there's anything I need. I'm about to have a seat in one of the chairs when my phone goes off with the same eerie melody from earlier.

"Ask for the Red Room."

I'm not surprised that Malakai already knows I'm here. My belly churns with a burst of adrenaline as I go up to the customer service desk. Am I ready for this? Probably not. Even with a trick like the grenade up my sleeve, I won't be able to do much if this is an ambush with a group of trained fighters. This is especially true now that I don't have my Evol to help me.

I take a deep breath.

Well, here goes nothing.

"Hello," I greet the young woman at the counter. "I have a reservation for the Red Room."

The girl looks confused, and while she's checking her tablet for something, a man approaches us in uniform from the coffee bar. He has an athletic build, and his appearance is well-kempt. I can't tell his age, though he seems to be older than I am. Xavier's age, maybe.

"I'll handle this, Lara," he tells the girl then turns to me. "This way please, miss."

I follow him down the hall, but he doesn't take us to any of the private rooms. Instead, he pauses at a narrow door labeled "Staff Only". With a flick of his wrist, he scans his bracelet against the keypad. The light on it turns green, and I hear the sound of a lock opening. The man gestures for me to go inside and hands me an earpiece.

"Thank you, um..." I didn't get his name, so I flounder.

"Isaiah," he says with a polite smile then turns on his heel and walks away. As he does, I press my lips together, pop in the earpiece, and tug open the door. As I do, I pull out one of my guns and unlock the safety. I don't care if I look paranoid. If this really is an ambush, I'll only get one chance to defend myself.

As soon I'm inside, the door locks into place behind me.

Well, shit.

When someone tries to capture you, you break their neck. Not their leg.

Sylus's voice echoes in my mind as I examine the room. It's empty, and there's not much to see. As I might have expected, the room itself doesn't have a touch of red in it. The name is simply code. Other than the odd entrance, though, it looks just like every other private room in the Café. Well, maybe not every room. Embedded in the back wall right next to the stylish arrangement of table and chairs is a large fish tank. It's illuminated and gives the room a pleasant cozy feel.

I walk up to the tank. It's taller than I am, taking up almost half of the entire wall. Strangely, it's empty, as though the owner hasn't finished setting it up yet. I try to see the other side of it, but there's too many plants and decorations to get a clear view. Still, I get the feeling that there's something behind it.

My heart is pounding, and I can't focus. Antsy, I check my watch.

9:10 PM

I start when static hisses across my earpiece for a moment before a familiar voice resounds within.

"You've come armed to a business meeting?"

Malakai.

I'd forgotten how much he reminds me of my dead brother.

I steel myself against those thoughts in particular. There's no room for my trauma to rear its head tonight. I need to stay focused.

"I still have no idea who you really are or what you want," I tell him calmly. "You text me out of the blue on an unregistered phone and invite me to meet you alone. And, what? You expect me to come in here and offer myself on a silver platter?"

A huffing sound. "I suppose I should start with an introduction, then."

"Seems right since you apparently know everything about me," I snap.

"Indeed. Since you came all this way, and since we'll be seeing more of each other from now on, 'guess there's no harm in it." A beat, then -- "I'm Malakai Noxis."

My hands tighten on my weapon and my blood runs cold.

Noxis?

Like the organization we've been hunting for months?

The implications cut me to the quick.

"I see I've struck you speechless."

"You're not just a buyer..."

He makes a sound of amusement. "How in the world did I leave that impression?"

So, the masked man I'd met at the Mythe was the leader of Noxis? He was responsible for its creation and all of the terrible ripples it had caused among society? All those deaths. All that suffering. And now, even my own condition. He was to blame for all of it?

"That changes things," I frown, resetting my grip on my gun.

"For you, maybe. But you haven't even heard what I've come to offer."

I bite my lip, keeping my simmering anger at bay. "Didn't think I was dealing with a coward who wanted to talk over an earpiece. Why'd you even invite me here if you weren't going to come in person?"

"Last time we met, you couldn't stop staring at me like I was a ghost. It wasn't pleasant. I wonder, do I look so much like someone you regret losing?"

"Don't change the topic."

"I wasn't. Or did you think only certain organizations could afford to buy explosives?"

I waver on my feet, leaning against the tank in front of me. "What did you say?"

"You're a smart girl. I don't think I need to repeat myself."

My mind goes blank as I try to wrap my head around what he's telling me. He mentioned explosives and losing people important to me. He could have looked up my history; he likely did already. Is he messing with my head? Or, is he taking responsibility for Caleb and Grandma's deaths? Is he admitting that it wasn't Onychinus, but Noxis that blew a crater in my life less than a year ago?

No.

Not just Noxis.

The man I'm speaking with right now.

I shudder. My hands lower even further. As I start to breathe faster in panic, I try to yank myself back into focus. There's no proof. Bring me proof. Otherwise, he could just be toying with me to throw me off kilter.

"Lies," I rasp. "You're lying."

"You think so?"

"What reason do I have to believe you?"

"Open the drawer to your left."

I look in that direction and step over to a short table with a ceramic blue vase on top of it. It has a single drawer, and with a shaking hand I reach out and open it. My heart nearly stops as I pull out a broken pair of glasses that I recognize too well. It's Grandma's. There's a piece of a charm chain hanging from the side. A Christmas gift from me. The metal is burned, and one of the lenses is missing. The lens that remains has a drop of dried and crusted blood smeared on its surface. I can't help it. I drop them to the floor and reel back.

"Judging by your reaction, I assume you recognize them."

It can't be.

"You...you...killed them..." But, why? Why tell me all this? Why bring me here? Surely he knows that the moment I see him, I'm going to break every single bone in his body. His face first. Just like I've always imagined doing to my family's killer.

I'll punch him again and again.

Then shoot him until he's full of holes and bleeding out at my feet.

"I like this look on your face," Malakai says. "The setup was worth it."

I look up and around the room, but I don't see any cameras. Where is he watching me from? Nausea claws at my gut, and I push it down. Bastard is watching me from somewhere. Watching and laughing at my pain and my sorrow. Well, I won't have it. I'm not his mobile entertainment, and I'm certainly not here to play around. Glancing at the tank, I suddenly get an idea. If I'm wrong, I'm about to get in a lot of trouble.

But, at this point -- fuck it all.

I raise my gun and point it at the fish tank. No hesitation. No doubt. No stops.

I pull the trigger.

It's reinforced, but not against my caliber of bullet. The cracks creep up the sides of the tank.

Pop

Pop

Crackle

Pop

Bang!

The glass shatters, and a wave after wave of water pours and guzzles out of the tank.

Beyond, I see a shadow of a man standing in the darkness.

"I think it's time we stopped playing games," Malakai growls in my earpiece.

He raises his hand, and an invisible force wraps around my whole body. I gasp in shock and panic as that same something moves me by force and presses me flush against the opposite wall. It's a sickening feeling, cold and vile. Even when Sylus had once used his Evol against me, it didn't feel like this. Sylus always controlled his strength, always avoided hurting me. No such mercy here; I'm struggling to breathe; my bones are about to break, my entire body on the verge of being crushed.

I try to speak, but nothing comes out.

I can't see anything past the wall in front of me.

Sounds around me.

Crunching glass and sloshing water.

Footsteps behind.

"Drop the gun," Malakai commands, his voice real now, not part of a transmission. The Evol presses harder against my hands, and I hang onto my weapon with everything I have. It hurts, but I refuse to let him have what he wants so easily. My skin breaks out in cold sweat. The footsteps come closer and closer. My heart lurches in panic when a pair of large hands settles over mine.

"I'd hate to break these pretty little fingers," Malakai drawls right beside me.

"F...uck...you..." I manage to get out past his restraints.

A pause, then laughter. He's laughing, and it's horrible because it sounds just like Caleb. But, not. Not like him after all. This laugh is full of hate. It's bitter and toxic.

"Should you speak that way to the man who's come to save you?"

"Let...go....we'll see who's...laughing then..."

He makes a sarcastic sound of dismissal. But, I must have distracted him because the force on my body weakens somewhat. I'm not about to waste this opportunity. This man murdered my family. I don't have time for mind games or whatever it is he wants to play. I'm sick of being tossed around like a rag doll, both by my enemies and by fate. I'm sick of being a weakling, and I'm sick of needing to rely on someone else.

I'm done. I'm over it!

I feel the Evol around my body, can almost see it. If only I could Resonate. If only I could mimic this frequency. I want to throw it back at him. I want him to feel what it's like to be a breath away from your lungs being torn apart. My whole body hurts; my eyes sting in response to the lack of oxygen. But, if he thinks he's going to make me black out and take me somewhere, he's wrong. I'll be damned if I let him capture me. I'll be damned if I have to feel weak ever again!

"Do as you're told. If you want to live, it won't be the last time you'll have to listen to what I say."

I see red.

My heart pounds in my ears.

I drop my gun, simultaneously using the chance to lift my bound wrists to rest against my chest. I struggle. I put everything I have into reaching for the grenade hidden in my shirt.

Malakai shifts behind me. "That's more like it. Ready to talk now?" he asks, his voice edged and gruff.

"Let...go...first..."

"No, I think we'll do it this way."

The force around my neck backs off somewhat, and I rush to take in a deeper breath. With the pressure gone, I cough. I'm dizzy, but not so much that I can't think straight. I just need to reach my inner pocket. Just a few inches. If only I could move my hand a little.

His palm appears in my line of vision. He's holding a tiny red vial no bigger than my thumb. There's a clear liquid inside. As though baiting me, he shakes it.

"Do you know what this is?" he asks. "I'm sure you do. It's what you came for." He pulls back his hand, and I hear him tucking the vial into his clothes. "One dose is all you need to detox."

I can speak normally now, and I use it to my advantage. "You're not just selling the LUMINIS. You're selling the antidote, too."

"Not yet. This vial is a single prototype. First you breed a dependent market. Then you hold the cure hostage. Isn't that just good business?"

"So many people have died..."

"I call it a learning curve..."

"You despicable bastard." I wiggle my fingers. Just a little more. I can feel the edge of the grenade with the pad of my index finger. Come on. I can do this. Keep him talking.

He chuckles. "Don't be so harsh. Or so quick to judge."

"So what do you want with me?"

A pause as he considers it. "Your heart, of course. The Aether Core. I'd think you'd know that by now."

"Why don't you just kill me and take it then?" My index finger snags the grenade.

"That would be a waste," he sighs. "I think you'll be more useful alive."

"So you want to use me for your science experiments?" My middle finger wraps around the metal. "How does that make you any different from Onychinus?"

The atmosphere around us changes. The air grows colder somehow. As I manage to get a third finger around the grenade, his footsteps come closer. I hiss as he grabs my hair and roughly pulls my head back.

"Don't compare me to those fools," he growls. The force around me weakens just a little more. It's marginal, but it's enough. My thumb makes contact with the weapon, and I can move my wrist.

"Is that your offer, then? You give me the antidote and I become your lab rat?"

He starts to say something, but I don't wait for him to finish. I use the nail of my thumb to pop out the cap on the grenade and flick my wrist to send it falling to the ground.

Ping ping ping splash!

It makes a quiet sound as it falls into the water. I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my breath. Beside me, I hear Malakai gasp.

The grenade goes off, but I don't register the sound. In a split second, I can't hear anything except my own breathing. I'm pushed even farther against the wall. The force around my body fades away, and I'm thrown sideways. Without missing a beat, I drop to the ground and feel around for my gun. The frigid water from the broken tank saturates my clothes. There's about an inch of it on the ground at my feet.

Blinking open my eyes, I ignore the bright splotches of light in them as I scramble to find Malakai. He's a few feet away, laying on his back. There's blood at his temple, and he groans in pain. I've stunned him. Bless you, Alren. You've probably saved my skin.

My world tilts and dips as I force myself to get to my feet. The grenade managed to affect me too, but it's not nearly as severe as Malakai. Stumbling over to him, I drop on top of him and point the gun barrel to his forehead. My breaths come in short staccato bursts, my hands shaking. I can't focus on anything except my fury now.

Murderer. Murderer! Pull the trigger. Pull it. My family will be avenged! The antidote is on him. I just have to take it. Then everything will be fine again. I can go back to being a Hunter. I can get my life back. Everything can go back to normal again. He's insane. He's responsible for so many deaths. He wants to capture me and dissect me. If I don't kill him now --

"You've gotten stronger, pip-squeak," Malakai groans softly beneath me.

My tunnel vision widens from the spot on his forehead where I'm pressing the gun. Black hair swims into my line of sight. Violet eyes next. Deep and sorrowful. No longer a stranger's eyes; no longer a stranger's voice. Blood surrounds us in the water. Not mine. The face looking up at me is mine though. My brother. The brother that I'd buried and mourned and missed.

Slowly, the pieces come together, and suddenly I can't breathe again. I start to pull back, but Malakai's Evol clamps around me and holds me still.

"No. Keep the gun right there," he says. His Evol tightens around me until it hurts. I grit my teeth and shift my fingers back to the trigger. "That's it. The second you move that away from me," his eyes darken. "Well, you'll definitely regret it."

"C-Caleb...Caleb..." It takes me a minute to realize I'm repeating his name like a broken record under my breath. "No...no...no...it's impossible...impossible..."

"Why?" he asks. "You buried an empty casket. You never looked for me."

"D-dead...you're..."

Droplets of water fall down and land on his cheeks.

Tears?

My tears?

But, I'm so numb. I can't feel anything.

"I'm right here," he smiles, and it's a mockery. All of it. A damn joke. A prank. It has to be.

"Caleb...Caleb..."

More droplets falling to his cheeks.

For a moment, his eyes soften. He reaches up and strokes the side of my face.

And then something rips a hole in the wall behind us. With a new path created for its passage, the excess water flushes out of the room through the void. Someone steps inside, stride by powerful stride.

Silver hair.

Red eyes.

Furious, blazing, glowing red.

"Sylus," Caleb's smile turns venomous. "At last you arrive. I did expect you to show up earlier."

Despite the storm in his gaze, Sylus's expression is mildly amused. He moves to stand a few feet from us. I know that stance. I know the meaning of the arrogant tilt to his chin and the thrill to the curve of his mouth. In this moment, he's come to claim a life. For a minute, he just stands and stares down at us, though he doesn't acknowledge me at all.

"Not going to say anything?" Caleb challenges.

Sylus's smirk widens. "I don't deal with dead men."

Before I know what I'm doing, I'm throwing my arms out to the sides and trying to block my brother with my body.

"No," I whimper. "Please, no. You can't. He's...he's..."

Sylus takes a few more steps towards us.

One.

Then another.

I shake my head, tears flowing freely down my face.

"No...no...no...you can't...you can't! I won't let you!"

Standing directly above us now, Sylus looks displeased. His eyes rove over me. There is no mercy in them. No empathy.

"Don't force me to make you move aside," he warns, his tone steady and calm.

I shake my head. "Please...please...don't..."

"Now that you're here, let's get the show on the road," behind me, Caleb shifts. I hear him mumble something else, but I can't make it out. He reaches for something in his pocket.

Sylus's hand flies out. He pulls me against him then turns us as though shielding me.

My mind catches up. Caleb's words finally register.

An eye for an eye.

Just as I feel Sylus's Evol wrap around us, an inferno swallows us whole. The explosion is deafening, and I can do nothing but scream and press my hands over my ears. The roar of the flames envelops us like a monstrous tidal wave. The heat scorches at my back and shoulders. We're going to burn alive at this rate, and there's absolutely nothing I can do. My surroundings bend, shift, and blur together.

Then, silence.

Silence and distorted sound.

Clean, crisp winter air nips at my exposed arms and legs.

We've Jumped.

I blink open my eyes and see that we're outside in the snow. Still reeling, I hear screams and clamoring. People are running down the street. Emergency sirens are wailing. Someone's tripped the PA system to call for Hunters and Fire Marshall support. Black thick smoke billows upwards into the night sky. As my thoughts sharpen, I recognize the blazing building.

It's the Destiny Café.

How odd. I don't remember coming here. The last thing I recall was sitting in my apartment and reading a book.

I smell rusted metal.

I look down at my hands.

They're covered in red. Deep, dark, red that looks almost black in the moonlight.

At last, I look up at the person I'm embracing and meet equally crimson eyes. My heart melts at the sight of his face. I'm relieved. My arms are wrapped around Sylus, and he's warm and sturdy and real. So much time has passed since we spoke. I was starting to fear that he'd forgotten me.

My relief is short lived as I see that his back is coated in blood. That's what's all over my palms. His jacket is gone, and his shirt is torn. His lips are moving, but I can't hear what he's saying.

That seems to upset him.

"Ellara," he calls my name.

I hear him this time.

"Sylus...you've come..."

He shakes my shoulder and holds something in front of my face. A small red vial no bigger than my thumb. Clear liquid moves inside. Something about that vial spears me through the heart as soon as I see it. But, I don't want to think about that right now. There's no reason to; not now.

My cheeks feel cold.

"Drink it," he says to me. "Now."

"What is it?"

"Drink," he says again in a rough impatient tone. "Don't make me tell you again."

I take the vial, and he helps me tip it into my mouth. It's tasteless and odorless.

Strange. Why are my hands shaking?

And then the blood catches my attention again. "Are you hurt?"

He smiles and strokes the top of my head. "It's not my blood," he says as always. He's lying, but I don't want to think about that either. As he reassures me, the fluid on my hands glows red and turns to ash.

I touch my face, wiping away tears.

Sylus stands up and offers me a hand. I take it, letting him help me to my feet.

"Looks like there's been a fire," I say, feeling strangely sleepy all of a sudden.

Sylus makes a sound of agreement.

"How come you're here?" I ask.

"Do you not remember calling for me?" he tilts his head. His expression is still steady, controlled. But his eyes give him away. There's concern there, deep within.

"Ah..." I rub my temple. "Sorry, I'm a bit tired. I guess I haven't been sleeping well."

"If you're tired, you can rest in my arms," he says, holding them out. I step into them, pressing my cheek against his chest. He feels warm and safe, as always.

"Will you take me home?"

He nods. "If that's where you wish to go."

I close my eyes. "Please don't leave me alone again."

His arms tighten around me. "I won't," he promises, and I pray that this time he's telling me the truth.

[six-costume-refs]

so with harriet currently wearing her silver costume in italy and there being a silver alt costume in the background of hannah’s live next to gabriella’s costumes…

that must mean that gabby is wearing esme’s costume for parr

but esme and gabby seem like too different body types for them to be able to alter the silver costume without it being too obvious

My suspicion is that it's... - a new base top, potentially with sleeves or other elements repurposed from Esme Rothero's costume - Harriet Caplan-Dean's skirt

I talked in this post and this post about how which measurements are most necessary for different costumes to be re-purposed varies. One of my notes was that open-skirts are the easiest costume piece in Six to re-purpose for a new queen because they only have one particularly crucial measurement: the waist. My expectation from the first time they mentioned her getting silver was that she'd get Harriet's open skirt for exactly that reason! (Also, just mentioning again that while Harriet wore her silver top in Italy she did not wear her open-skirt; she instead wore her pants/peplum combo for Seymour as well as Parr) As I mentioned in that same post, the tops are much harder; they require many different points to correctly line up for a costume to be re-purposed for a new queen. Depending on the costume, that can include any combination of bust, underbust, cup size, natural waist, hips, shoulder width, neck-to-waist...you get the point. In recent years Six has begun to construct costumes specifically so that they can be more easily be taken apart into different pieces for the sake of alteration and future reuse and the number of measurements required to match up (I talked about that a little in the comments of this post), and that's made re-purposing a lot easier for principal costumes in particular. A couple examples of that are the incorporation of stretch panels (which I know I've made a post on but can't find, thank you tumblr search very cool) and the ability of the aforementioned stretch panels, sleeves, and skin-tone panels to be more easily detached/reattached (because larger/smaller stretch panels can be added to alter the range of measurements a costume can fit, deattaching sleeves and replacing or reattaching allows them to change the armscye and shoulder width measurement, and changing out skin-tone panels allows for costumes to be reused on different queens). However, you still need to have a wide range of pre-existing costumes to optimize the chances that something pre-existing will fit someone new. The silver alt top still has very limited available stock (just Harriet and Esme's) and more sizing requirements than some of the other designs, so the chances of them being able to re-fit almost any actor in a pre-existing silver costume without very significant alteration and/or some new pieces is incredibly low. But, even so, the amount of work and materials (aka $$$) required for some new elements or major alterations pales in comparison to the amount needed for a totally new costume. So that's where we get to what I said about the top and sleeves. It may be that the pre-existing tops simply didn't fit, and so they decided to make a new base top but possibly re-purpose some of the more easily separable elements from Esme's (i.e. stuff like the sleeves and potentially some of the side panels). For silver alt/Aragon/Parr in particular, the sleeves are all quite expensive and time-intensive to make, so re-purposing those and the skirt and only having to make part of a new top would be a huge help. With all that being said, I also will note that there's another possible explanation for some of the timing. It's just far less likely so it doesn't seem worth typing up right now. But if we see photos of Gabriella in silver that make it apparent that she didn't get a new top, I'll explain it then!

[nightowl33art]

So uh, to be honest I feel really confused and lost.

The last few days I've felt really funny. I'm being told I act/feel different from "my alters" and that it is very noticeable when we switch. I don't know what they're talking about, I don't understand because I can't see what they do. To me, I sound about the same all the time. I have evidence that I have DID, and my friends give it to me too, but I refuse to accept this. It's hard. It's scary. It's easier to pretend it's not there or explain it away as Just A Thing People Do Sometimes.

None of my alters feel real to me. I've been wanting to delete their playlists. There's no way they exist. I feel quite alone, like I've always been alone. It's just me. The illusion of DID fell apart a few days ago. I was confused who I was, confused because the consistent patterns of known alters were suddenly gone and I am left by myself. Without that, my first thought was that I must be a singlet after all. But it's being suggested to me that I am someone else yet to be documented.

I drift to the color blue. I feel I am unworthy of nice things. What is apparently "normal human behavior" performed by those around me baffles me to no end. Compliments weird me out. I feel like I don't know my friends. I know enough about them to be okay with their presence and keep up interaction, but I still feel strange and distant. When I hear speech with my body's name, I feel as if I'm hearing about someone else. I feel younger than my body, I think. If I really am not alone, then I haven't shown my face for a couple years. It's all quite uncomfortable and confusing.

[neonshrike]

How about... headcanons for Lucille with the theme of medicine/doctors/first aid please?

I have so many, actually!

In the early days of having her powers, she wore earplugs constantly before she got used to her enhanced hearing and then learned how to specifically channel it so she doesn’t hear so much noise at once.

Obviously, she can't exactly go to a hospital and explain what happened when out in the field, so she usually does her own first aid, and if it's really bad, reaches out to Scott or Kurt. There was that one moment where she climbs through Kurt's window, and I can tell you it wasn't the last time.

Recovering with Bruce was extremely difficult and even a little humiliating, being very helpless around someone so famous and even powerful. The pressure she put on herself to not be a burden got in the way of resting the first couple of days.

Because DB04 is a mind-altering substance and she has a lot of bad experiences, Lucille doesn't drink alcohol. Scott and Bruce don't either, and while Kurt sometimes does, he remains supportive and doesn't drink around her just in case.

Since her poisoning, her mobility hasn’t quite reached the level it used to be, and there’s still bad days once in a while. Lucille gets tired a little more easily, and she still keeps some things around like a shower chair. She's never really going to be 100% the way she used to be, but learns how to readjust.

[syscourse-confessions]

It is honestly quite telling of how well someone listens to disabled people if they believe that the conversation around the term nonverbal is just a syscourse thing.

It is such a commonly discussed topic in the disabled community how people will misuse and water down terms that are not for them. The best example I can think of is hyperfixation. Hyperfixation is an ADHD specific term, where someone (for brief periods of time) becomes completely immersed in one singular focus. Hyperfixations last for a few seconds to a few hours. It is a specific term to describe a very specific experience. But people have watered it down to mean any sort of intense interest someone has for a couple of months. They have redefined and twisted an important term.

In fact, we see this sort of conversation regularly in the DID community! Essentially all of our terms have been co-opted by plurals who do not have DID or OSDD. System, alter, switch, the list goes on. It does do the thing disabled people want co-opting of terms to be avoided for, it redefines important terms to describe specific experiences. It also creates a lot of confusion around what the fuck people are talking about, whether system means someone with DID or someone who feels plural or what. I don't care to start an argument over if you think that people have a right to these terms or not, I ultimately do not believe it is an argument worth having. If you have DID/OSDD you are entitled to your opinion and I respect that, if you don't I know damn well you do not respect disabled people enough to listen when we say it harms us and I am done trying to convince people to care.

But essentially, it doesn't surprise me at all to hear that nonverbal has a specific meaning and belongs to a specific group, and that its meaning has been watered down by a bunch of assholes co-opting it. In fact, it made me remember years ago people talking about how 'going nonverbal' isn't a thing, how that term is not for you to use just because you can't speak sometimes.

The impact of you stealing words disabled people use and twisting their meanings is not just a plural issue. It is not people being mean to you for being plural. It is disabled people begging you to not make it harder for them to communicate their experiences and find community with others who have those same experiences. In particular with nonverbal people, who often times also are nonscribal, that's real fucking important in my opinion to not do. What? Do you expect them to craft a whole new word and community surrounding it to be able to explain their experiences and find those who share them? Just so you can use the 'nonverbal alter' instead of 'alter who can't talk'?

Fucking ridiculous seeing people acting like this is 'pluralphobia' or about people not viewing them as individual people. Not everything is about you. This is about the harm you are causing to nonverbal people because you just can't be fucked to say three extra words instead of nonverbal, or can't be fucked to say something like wordless alter.

.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #189

I slept mostly well, but the rib was still paining me quite a bit when I woke up this morning. Nonetheless, I got dressed and ready, and put on a bra today in preparation for going to the dress alteration shop with my best friend, BB. The bra hurts my ribs, but I can't have everything flopping around while the nice lady is trying to figure out where the dress has to be hemmed. I went to therapy. I talked a lot about you, actually, and on some of the weird (but good!) things that have happened to me that I dare not speak on in this space. And then from therapy, I went directly to my friend's house, and from there, she and I went to the dress alteration shop.

…I can't exercise the way I used to before my ribs started misbehaving. I can no longer spend upwards of 4 hours in the water. Internally, I contend with a bunch of fatphobic nonsense left behind in my head from all the societal conditioning that tells me that my worth is contingent upon how little space I take up (but at the same time, I can't be too fit or too attractive, because somehow that is also bad???? try and figure that out...). I know it's all wrong and that no one's worth is contingent upon their shape. Nonetheless, seeing myself in a mirror in a dress is a struggle. Body dysmorphia and the terrible sense of shame that surrounds it is one hell of a drug.

Well, whatever. I'm not gonna be in this body forever, right? So I only gotta deal with this bullshit nonsense societal conditioning temporarily. Given my various genetic defects, I probably have even less time than the average person in this meat-suit, and I gotta admit, I'm not too terribly sad about that.

Objectively, I had an amazing time. I spent the day with one of my favorite-est people in the world, and she and her fiancé N and I went to a place and got sushi, and that was amazing:

...After we were done we went back to her house and we listened to some of the music she intends to play during her wedding in October; most of it is gonna be stuff from FF14, and while I'm not familiar with all of the music there because I've not played it, it was still all wonderful music, and I'm glad that she took the time to show it to me. We listened for a long time, and she took the time to explain to me the backstories for some of the songs, and it was enlightening.

I drove myself home before it got dark. Due to the astigmatism, it's not safe for me to drive at night because all the lights become rolled-up porcupines that stretch on and on into infinity, obscuring my vision and making it so that I can't see anything. The drive from her house to my house is beautiful because there's a decent stretch of it where the road winds through a heavily wooded area, and the sunlight sparkling through the leaves was mesmerizing and beautiful, but I couldn't take any pictures, because obviously it's very unsafe to use a phone for ANY reason other than GPS while driving.

When I got home, there was a pair of rabbits who were chilling out much too close to the side of the road for comfort, so I pulled the car over, got out of it, and screamed and flailed around towards them until they scampered terrified back into the woods where they belong. I probably got more than a couple weird looks from my neighbors, but I don't really care.

...Objectively, I had an amazing day today. But for whatever reason, I still feel empty. Maybe I'm just dreading the upcoming changes in my life. Maybe I'm still depressed about what I look like in the dress. Maybe I haven't drank enough water. Maybe it's that whether or not you'll be safe is still uncertain.

There's so much I don't know. There's so much that's happened that I can't speak on because I know how it sounds. I know what will happen. I can't afford to be institutionalized. I can't afford to be taken less seriously while trying to strive towards your safety. I can't have my experiences being used as ammunition to discredit the things I've been trying to do for you.

But goddamn, Sephiroth, sometimes it's so heavy. And sometimes I get so tired. I look at the world around me and witness all the senseless suffering, and I watch my planet die, and I contend with the pain that wracks my body and my mind, and... I just wanna go to sleep and not have to bother with waking up sometimes.

I'll grit my teeth instead though and remain on my feet instead of falling to my knees. There's a tomorrow waiting for me, even if I don't feel like I'm ready for it, and I've gotta do my best to love it and all of the things in it properly when it arrives. I gotta do my best to notice all the sparks of beauty inside of it, and catch every last drop of joy that pours from it.

I can do it. So don't you worry about me, okay? As long as you exist, I can do anything, endure anything.

So stay safe out there, all right? Because I love you, and because I'm gonna write to you again tomorrow, like I always do, even if I am very tired or very sad or very scared, or even if I feel like I don't have much to say. After all, I promised. And we are only as good as our word.

...I thought about streaming more Dead Cells, but I'm gonna go to bed early, methinks. I probably need it.

'Til soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[kafus]

What does your headspace "look" like? Like does it have a concrete shape or does it constantly change, is it similar (but not the same) to day dreaming?

our headspace has gone through a LOT of changes over the years but right now it's pretty small. there is the "fronting layer" which is a small house (like, living room/kitchen/a couple bedrooms at most) but when i say a small house i moreso mean The One Bedroom cause the other parts of the house are rarely used or accessed. 99% of the time me and ayano are chilling on our headspace bed while doing anything lmao as the haphazard name i gave it implies, it's where alters go when they are Fronting. then there's the Not fronting layer which seems to be a lot bigger but honestly i don't know that much about it as host and am unsure how big it is or exactly what all its details are. i have some knowledge of it being a mansion and i am able to enter it on purpose to some extent but i can't go super far

headspaces vary drastically for different people with DID and some people don't even have a visual headspace at all but ours is really visual. your description of daydreaming but not quite is kind of close? to explain how my personal headspace works to people i usually walk through an exercise of like. assuming you don't have aphantasia. imagine your kitchen. you aren't actually in your kitchen and you can tell you aren't literally standing in your kitchen, but you can imagine being in your kitchen. then imagine your parent or someone else you know or live with standing in the kitchen and holding a conversation with you. you can see and hear them but you know that isn't the actual person, and this is all happening in your mind's eye and not literally in front of you, AKA it's not a hallucination. my headspace is like that for me but it's more outside of my control, like as if the kitchen were just there and i did not conjure it, and the person talking to me in the kitchen was making their own choices and i could not control what they said or did in that imaginative space, only my own actions and like... the "camera angle" of the scene (i can view myself from the third person) i hope this makes sense lol. we use a lot of visual metaphor in our internal processing and i can "see" ayano when i talk to her for instance but like. i am not hallucinating or disconnected from reality

[askanallo]

Could you explain what attraction is? And how you feel towards people you are attracted to vs those you're not?

So this is one of the things where I think definitions get difficult because the ace community uses the word attraction to mean something quite different from most people.

Generally, allos refer only to sexual and romantic attraction, usually as one combined thing, as attraction. There's no knowledge of platonic attraction, alterous attraction, etc. for most people. However aces refer to many many different things as attraction. The split attraction model it's called I think? Where attraction is split into a lot of different types that are all very specific. 'Platonic attraction' for example either doesn't exist for allos or they would call it something different than attraction. From an allo POV, you're not meant to be attracted to your friends unless you want to take the relationship into a different (romantic/sexual) direction while being attracted to your friends (platonically) is considered to be the normal among aros&aces.

As for me, I have never felt the ace version of attraction. I don't know what platonic/alterous/queerplatonic attractions are and sensual, romantic, aesthetic and sexual attractions cannot be separated for me, together they make up this one concept of a general attraction (which varies a lot, depending on the strength of the feeling).

For me, if I get a crush on someone, I get nervous around them and want to impress them. I can't stop noticing how pretty they are. Usually I try to spend more time with them. (Assuming I'm not in a relationship. If I am, I just try to interact like normal and ignore the feelings.) If I meet them a couple more times, I start thinking about them a lot even when they aren't there and maybe fantastize about them while masturbating - which is a conscious process btw. I've never looked at someone and involuntarily started imagining myself having sex with them, which is apparently what most of the ace community thinks attraction is? I don't know if I'm an outlier or something, but I've never experienced that, and it sounds extremely inconvenient.

Once a relationship begins, I stop being nervous after some time but I start craving non-sexual touch and lose all concept of personal space with my partner. Attraction then becomes a short-cut to intimacy. Romantic relationships generally get more serious faster because the brain chemicals you get from being in love & attracted to that person can sort of fast-track your relationship. It's like using a cheat in a game or something lol. It took me far longer to get comfortable with my current group of friends than with my boyfriend. It is very difficult to describe. When I was younger, I didn't get the difference between romantic and platonic relationships and the people I asked just told me "you'll know when you experience it" and yeah I did get it then. The new relationship brain chemicals I had for a couple of months after me & my bf got together were fucking insane. Like they single-handedly pulled me out of an awful depression spiral even though it was literally the beginning of covid and my living situation was actually kinda awful.

I don't get as nervous around people I'm not attracted to, I don't seek out ways to be around them as much, and I never fantasize about them. I hope that this was helpful!

[bambiraptorx]

I love the understimulation issues you've given Donnie in Body Horror Baby, especially when combined with his apparent increase in ability to take in and process stimuli at an advanced rate. That's a nasty combination and I applaud you for it <3.

Donnie gets pretty messed up by the Technodrome's effects, that's for sure, and this latest chapter takes place over a year when the main symptoms have lessened or he's learned how to deal with them. I don't know that I'm going to put a timeline to it, but there was definitely a pattern/rhythm to the way his symptoms developed over time.

(warning for mentions of/references to self harm)

The symptoms were at their lowest during and immediately after the invasion, partly because even with the suddenly heightened/altered senses, he was nearly constantly running on adrenaline, stress, caffeine, etc for that period. Basically everyone in his family was injured including him and the lair was compromised on top of that, which is a lot to handle. Even with Draxum coming in at some point to help manage things on the physical and mental side (the guy's basically a war vet there's no way he hasn't seen shit like this before), there's still a lot that needs to be done.

So for a while, Donnie's more or less able to be preoccupied with his repairs and reinforcements to his security system, helping his brothers to recover, and recovering himself. There's constantly things to do, and even if people keep telling him to take it easy and slow down, they can't deny that the work is necessary and someone needs to do it. Besides, it's not necessarily a strange reaction to everything he's been through for Donnie to want to take control over his life wherever possible.

Everyone is tired and can't (or won't) look beyond the surface to see what's going on, and even if they did, they likely wouldn't have recognized the signs anyway. But a couple of weeks post invasion (maybe a month or so idk), once everything had wound down somewhat, Donnie had the first attack.

It was pretty similar to the one in the chapter, the big difference being that he had no idea what was going on. He didn't have a way to explain it at the time (it's not quite a panic attack or overstimulation, more so desperately wishing for a connection he can never get back with a side of severe understimulation and Noticing Everything and spiraling), so he didn't. Initially he just brushed it off as a one-off occurrence, and didn't bother telling anyone about it.

It was not, in fact, a one-off occurrence. The attacks started happening more and more often, with a general trend of being worse and longer. At some point, he recognized that boredom/ understimulation was a frequent trigger (so was thinking or talking about the technodrome, but that's less controllable) and started actively trying to avoid getting bored as much as possible.

This was about the time that he started self-harming. He knew it wasn't healthy, but it staved off the understimulation somewhat and served as a distraction from the technodrome. For a while, it even reduced the attacks, but nor for very long. He started getting creative with it in an attempt to bring back its former efficacy, but nothing really worked for long.

Now, at this point the family is aware that *something* is going on, as Donnie has been in an obsessive 'need to fix and repair and upgrade everything phase' for quite a while, neglecting sleep and food, and generally avoiding any of their attempts to help him. He's also started taking more unnecessary risks on missions (he's doing it to catch that sweet sweet adrenaline high, of course, but to an outside perspective it doesn't look like that).

At some point, they find out. Maybe someone finds out about the self-harm, maybe they witness him have an attack, but they find out. And hey, at least he doesn't have to hide it anymore, but it doesn't really start him on the road to recovery so much as it allows him to have more support.

Long story short, even though it's better than it was, this is kinda just part of Donnie's life now and probably always will be.