#and I know it's not gonna happen cause it's literally exam week

[wherela]

I have gotten my hopes up that I will be getting engaged on Saturday, and I know that if it doesn't happen (it probably won't!) I'll be so so disappointed. But it's either this Saturday, or like.in a month.

[ezraphobicsoup]

exams really just go on forever and ever and ever and ever

[urtheloml]

wonder how we got this far (i don't really need to wonder at all)

pairing: bakugou x reader w/c: 9k synopsis: you're excited about the prom, bakugou is not— disagreement ensues a/n: i'm back... first post of 2023 n the year is almost over... embarrassing 🧍🏼‍♂️this is the third n final installation to my little white lie mini-series!! read part 1 here n part 2 here!! this can be read as a standalone too :3 uhm... i started this fic in like... april (??) n completely forgot abt it until last week so i have no idea what the original plot was going 2 be but i think it turned out okay (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) also i know this fic is SOOOO overdramatic but i have watched every single movie that had a major prom scene (hsm3, the duff, mean girls, etc) n growing up, i looked forward it to SO bad that i literally used it as motivation to do well in exams. but then COVID happened so no prom experience for me so this is me basically projecting onto my writing!! okay mwah hope u like it xx o((>ω< ))o!!

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. The opening scene of the Bee Movie plays like a mantra in your head as you're searching for something in your closet. Your ears pick up the occasional grunt or cheer from your boyfriend, who's currently laying in your bed with his DS in hand, and your eyes roll affectionately.

You can't find what you're looking for so you abandon the mess you've made in your drawer and turn to Bakugou instead. "'Katsu, have you seen my can of body glitter? It's in a little purple spray bottle."

Bakugo barely glances your way, "No, why would I have seen that. Why d'ya need it anyway?"

Your body slumps against his comfortably as you cosy up next to him on your bed and even if it's been a while, your heart still skips when he immediately tangles his legs with yours. "I need it to make myself glittery for the prom, duh. You can use it too if you want before we leave."

"Huh?"

"The prom. The dance thing we're going to, in like three days?"

Bakugou's eyebrows scrunch up confusedly as he puts his DS down and immediately a bad premonition settles in your gut. "What are you talking about? I never said I was going to that shit."

Ah. There it is. You're glad he put his game down 'cause if he wasn't looking at you while you're about to have this conversation then his console might have landed outside your window right about now. You're looking at him incredulously when you say, "What do you mean you're not going? You're my boyfriend so you have to go. It's like an unspoken rule... you can't not go to prom. Who's gonna take me then? You want me to go alone, like some loser?"

The barrage of questions makes him smile amusedly at you, but for once the sight of it induces anything but affection in you. There's no way he's taking you seriously right now. Bakugou scoffs and turns back to his game, "Huff all you want, princess, but I'm not going to the prom."

Before he can start a new game, your body lands on top of him unceremoniously so you have his undivided attention. "'Tsuki! This is our one and only prom as high schoolers. Doesn't that mean anything to you? I want to go and dance with my girls and I want to dance with you. Please?"

His jaw ticks, and he looks away from you because he knows if he stares too long then he'll cave. He refuses to go and you're not about to sway him. He has his own reasons for not wanting to go and he'll stand by them if it's the last thing he'll do.

"I told you I ain't fuckin' going, alright? You can go with your friends and you can have fun and dance with them but I'm not going. Stop pushing me on this."

His voice comes out hard and unwavering, leaving no room for argument. Also, you can't believe he just called you pushy. Bakugou, who forced a confession out of you just because he wanted you to say it first. He underestimates your persistence though, because next thing he knows, you're leaning down like you're about to kiss him and his eyes are already half-lidded but instead you bite down harshly on his nose.

Bakugou yelps but that doesn't deter you. "Can you at least tell me why you don't want to go? Because you don't want to go to a lot of things with me but you always end up going anyway. Like the nail salon, or Bath and Body Works. Why's it different this time?"

His eyes narrow and he shifts beneath you, probably trying to escape your shit fuck ton of questions but you're caging him in. He stays quiet for a whole three minutes when he finally says, "I just don't want to go, fuck, can't you just let it go and compromise for fucking once?"

What. "What?"

“I’m just saying,” Bakugou sneers, propping his elbow up below his head, “you shouldn’t be forcing me to go. You said it yourself, ya know, it feels like I’m always doing what you want.”

You falter. "That's bullshit, Katsuki. You're being really mean right now."

It seems that you used the wrong choice of words because his face turns gloomy, and you can tell he’s biting the inside of cheek as hard as he can. He places his forearm over his eyes so he can physically block out your reaction when he practically spits, “Why don’t you go date golden boy Kirishima if you think I’m so mean, huh?”

Woah. That was a low fucking blow and he knows it. He regrets bringing up his best friend’s name the moment the words leave his mouth because the way you inhale sharply and get off of him fearing for his life. The hairs on his arms rise when you start speaking to him scoldingly, and he won't even deny that he deserves it.

“I cannot believe you’re still using that against me, ‘Suki, that was more than a year ago! And don’t give me shit about not knowing how to compromise because I always eat the food you make. Even when you make it spicy on purpose even though you know I can’t handle it. And you know what? I don’t particularly like going to the gym with you on the weekends, but I still always go! And maybe sometimes I wish we could have more than just study dates but I stay and read with you anyway. And I always, always, forgive you when you do stupid shit like forgetting our anniversary or- or when you make me cry."

Almost as if your body takes cue from your words, you can feel a familiar stinging sensation creep up behind your eyelids. It starts a chain reaction because somehow Bakugou barrels on. Even though his face blanches when he sees the water on your lash line, he can’t seem to stop his mouth from moving.

"Well, fuck, sorry I'm such a shitshow to handle, princess. You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to date me. But if you’re so tired of me already, then why don't you just break up with me, huh?"

No longer was there a trace of affection or playfulness in the way he calls you ‘princess’. The word drips with condescension and malice and your heart cracks a bit at the way he speaks about himself. Bakugou's sitting on the bed now, looking up at you as you stand before him.

Yet, your gaze holds nothing but warmth and frustrated tears when you look at him. Because, much to your dismay, you also always know when there’s something up with Bakugou . He leans away for a moment when your hands come up to touch his head, but decides to let himself fall into your touch in the end.

Bakugou buries his face against your stomach, gripping onto the back of your shirt with crumpled fists. Gently, your hand cards through his messy hair, “Baby, I never said that. I never said you were hard to deal with. You’re a very easy person to deal with, and an even easier person to love. And I have never, ever, thought about leaving you. Okay? I’m sorry for making you think that."

He nods into you, the movement tickles your abdomen and he does it again and again until you start giggling and pushing his head away. Bakugou rests his chin against your navel, looking up at you with slightly glassy eyes. He knows he doesn’t deserve the kindness you’re laying onto him, doesn't deserve you in general, but he still reaches up to swipe a thumb under your eye.

“No, I was out of line. I shouldn't have said all that. I’m sorry, I was bein’ rude as shit.”

The truth is, Bakugou isn't really that easy to deal with. You can handle him just fine because you've had years of practice. To an untrained eye, maybe it'll look bad for him when he scoffs a fuck off everytime you ask to hold his hand. But you know he never means it because he always takes your hand anyway, intertwining his fingers with yours. And then he'll squeeze your hand three times; i love you, i love you, i love you.

So no, he isn't easy to deal with. His body language and words don't always correspond to what he's trying to convey but it's still plainly obvious that he quite stupidly adores you anyway. He'll yell at you for forgetting your wallet, he'll call you an idiot the whole day and then he'll pay for your lunch and walk you home the same day. If you get cold for forgetting a cardigan, he'll tease and taunt you for a whole five minutes maximum before giving you his own that he just somehow keeps forgetting to take out of his bag, as he says. He'll make a face like he just ate a lemon when he tries and fails to not make fun of you if you don’t score so well on a test, and then he’ll tutor you for hours on end until you can get it right.

It gets quite predictable.

He pulls you down then, letting your bodyweight sink onto his lap and presses a kiss against your lips in apology and you hate that it works. Hate that he can erase every mistake with a press of his lips to yours, because he never kisses you without meaning it. And you know he means to say sorry with the way his tongue slips into your mouth.

Unfortunately, the argument does not end.

He pulls away, breathing heavier than before. The bubble of calmness and comfort around you bursts explosively however when he mutters, “‘M still not going to the prom, though.”

It's not like you didn't see this coming. You knew that he didn't really care about prom, no matter how badly you wanted him to. You just thought that maybe he'd take you anyway. The thought of going without him makes your chest clench because you could have the time of your life with your girls but it won't feel the same without him next to you.

Maybe he's right. Maybe you do make him do things he doesn't really want to. But then again, you do the same for him. You're left confused and defeated when it's time for him to leave and he's still adamant on not going. On one hand, you don't want to force him to go. But on another, you really do wish he'd change his mind.

You're silent as you show him out, and he notices but he stays quiet too and in his head, he beats himself for being a coward. He hates himself for not being able to talk to you properly. He knows very well that if he just told you what's up with him then you'd understand, and you could still probably convince to go to the dance. But he doesn't speak up.

Right before he leaves, he leans down to kiss you goodnight but you turn away at the last moment so his lips meet your cheek instead. Slowly, you press a palm against his heart, pushing him away and pretending you can’t hear how it stutters at your denial.

"Hey, before you go, I'm sorry if I'm being pushy again but you-,” your voice trails off, and you sigh defeatedly, “you can't keep making me cry and just expect to kiss it better all the time, okay? And I know you don't mean to do it, but it still hurts, Bakugou. I'm tired of getting hurt all the time and I'm not forcing you to go, but I hope you know that it really fucking sucks that my own boyfriend won't go to the dance with me, and it sucks even more that he won't even tell me why."

Bakugou? What happened to Katsu or ‘Suki, he mourns internally. He keeps a blank face but it feels like the blood within his veins just got replaced with pure fucking ice as he lets your words sink in. He refuses to let his facade break but it feels like someone is grabbing him by the throat and he can’t seem to breathe right.

"If you keep making me feel like this, one day I'm not just gonna let you kiss it all better. 'Cause sooner or later, you're gonna run out of chances."

Bakugou stays unanswering, and you look at him pleadingly for him to just talk to you but he doesn't. It's not until you go to close your door that he finally speaks, voice soft but accusing, "You just said you've never thought of leaving me, and now just 'cause I'm not taking you to some stupid dance, you're taking it all back?"

If Bakugou had superpowers, pissing you off would definitely be one of them. You resist the urge to stomp your foot childishly, because you know that won't help to get your point across. Your teeth bite down on nothing as harshly as possible because you don't want to start arguing again, it won't solve anything. He knows that too, and even though your hands stay right by your side, he feels like he was just punched in the jaw when you meet his eyes and he finds that somehow, he managed to make you cry twice in one night.

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe this isn't just some stupid dance to me? I get it, okay, that it's not your scene or whatever, and it doesn't matter to you but it really matters to me," you tell him as placatingly as possible, and his eyes are as clouded as his judgement, "I've waited a long time for this, and I never thought I'd even be lucky enough to have someone who means so much to me to go with. And if you can't even see how important it is to me that I want you with me at this stupid dance, then you're the worst. The worst."

With that, you finally shut the door in his face. His muffled protests behind the slab of wood go ignored in favour of stomping back to your room. Bakugou's insufferable! He's stupid and stubborn and temperamental. He's a hothead that jumps headfirst into anything he does with everything he's got.

He's the worst. (he's the furthest thing from it)

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

Neither you nor Bakugou give in to the temptation of calling one another. When you see him in class, you don't look at him and you go straight home. The both of you being too stubborn to admit defeat by reaching out first. It hurts to admit though, that for once you wish he'd just call you. A mere three days of radio silence on both your ends doesn't do wonders for your relationship, it chips away at both of you until the hurt simmmers to a seemingly numb feeling in your hearts.

As you think of ways to spite him, your mind comes up with the idea of going with someone else. But you don't entertain that thought for longer than a second, because that would be cheating and you'd never stoop that low. He probably wouldn't even know if you did anyway.

The night before the prom, you sit on your bed forlornly, twirling the little charm bracelet that slings around your wrist. It's a cute thing that Bakugou gifted you a few months ago. It was a simple purple band with two star charms on its ends and a little saturn charm in the middle. He has a matching one in blue.

"It's beautiful, 'suki. Why saturn?" You had asked.

"Uh... I don't- I read somewhere that it kinda symbolises growth and commitments. And you know, that fits us." Katsuki answered, withholding the fact that he spent three hours reading multiple astrology sites about it even though he quite frankly thinks it's bullshit but didn't want to get the meaning wrong anyway.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. ‘Cause I wanna fucking commit to you and I'm gonna be everything you’ll ever need.”

The bracelet jingles lightly as you fidget with it. Your phone lays on your bed with no signs of him calling and a deep crushing sigh escapes you as you prepare yourself for another night of tossing and turning. The memory of what the bracelet meant lulls you to sleep and you're left wondering if he's still wearing it too, which makes you wonder even more if he's missing you as much as you're missing him or if he's missing you at all. It's hardly noticeable but you think your cheeks feel damp as your eyes fall close.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

In his own room, Bakugou lets the dumbbell he's curling fall to the floor. He barely hears the resounding thud it makes or his mom yelling at him for dropping the weight like that. He flops onto his bed, arms spread and neck spotted with sweat. His mind swims with thoughts of you and he wishes it wasn't so hard for him to just fucking open up to you. His insides twist just thinking about the way he left things with you, it makes him feel stupid and he hates it.

It's not like he doesn't want to take you to the prom. If anything, he'd love to do that. He wants to show you off so bad. Have you all pretty, draped over his arm and looking gorgeous in whatever dress you wanted to wear. God does he want to, he wants everyone to see you with him and he'd bask in his smugness that no one else gets to have you like this but him. He'd relish in the absolute envy on anyone else's face as that saw you with him. Because everyone knows, including himself, that you're too good for him. And now he's gone and fucked it all up.

For all the confidence he exudes, Bakugou Katsuki is actually not someone who's void of insecurities. If anything, his confidence is just a front to his crackling interior. But not always, because sometimes he is quite the hot shit. Anyway.

Contrary to your belief, he doesn't want to go to the prom for your sake. He's heard the things people have said about you- or rather, he's heard what has been said about you in regards to your relationship with him. Just thinking about it makes him feel nauseous all over again. He wasn't supposed to hear it, he thinks.

He'd been walking past the girl's toilet whilst looking for you. It wasn't on him that girls talk so fuckin' loudly. Like c'mon, in his defence, if you're going to talk shit about someone, at least do it quietly so that the person aforementioned won't hear his own name like a siren beckoning him to eavesdrop. So really, it's not his fault for pressing his back against the wall to hear the rest. He can't put a name to the two voices (why would he be able to) but from what they're saying, they know him apparently.

..."... I bet he's forcing her. To date him, I mean."

"I don't know... they seem pretty lovey-dovey and all gross to me. If you ask me, she should leave now and find someone better."

"That's called conditioning. Or like, stockholm syndrome. I mean, let's be serious, who wants to willingly date Bakugou of all people. He's like if the word aggression was personified. He's mental, I swear."

They laugh, gaudy.

"I bet he's gonna show up to the dance with the poor girl, 'cause he's way too fucking clingy. Have you noticed that he's practically by her side almost 24/7. Hope they don't turn up together, like give that girl a break."

So. He wasn't supposed to hear that. He wasn't supposed to fucking hear that, and for a good fucking reason. At that moment, it felt like his heart was stuck in his throat while simultaneously, his stomach dropped to his ass. He doesn't cry. He's not that bothered by it. But it makes his head spin that people actually think of him like that.

By then, he wasn't thinking straight, because if he was, then he'd know not to make assumptions about how everyone felt about him based on two girls' conversation. Alas, he's not thinking straight, so, fuck it.

He doesn't know if you remember but he barely said anything when he walked you home.

It hurt him, but everything they said about him wasn't anything he hadn't heard before. It was the way they talked about you that got to him. How you were unhappy or being forced, they said. It's the way he's tried his hardest to pour his heart and soul into you and him and it's still seemingly not enough for people around him to think that you're both undeniably gone for each other.

It makes him upset, because he thinks he's been doing a pretty good job at showing you just how much you mean to him, but apparently fuckin' not. He's obviously not doing something right. Which makes him feel frustrated because he can't figure it out. He tells you he loves you plenty. Okay, maybe not plenty but he does say it. He says it and he knows you know that he’s trying to show it in his own words. He always keeps a jacket for you, he’s never let you fail a test since you got together and he always always makes you extra food that he makes for himself. Maybe he’s done something wrong along the way.

It's not like he unintentionally made the food spicy for you. Sometimes it just slips his mind that your portion can't be the same level of spicy as his is. And he knows how sad you get when you fail an exam, which is why he forgoes normal dates to sit and study with you. Of course he'd much rather do something like hiking or fucking, he doesn't know, laser tag with you, but he'd always put your education first. He knows how much it means to you after all.

An ugly feeling nags at him. It makes him want to pull away from you, show some distance so people would stop talking for a bit. But another part of him wants to run to your house right now and tell you I'm sorry. please don't leave. I can do better. Neither of those feelings actually make him do anything, though, because he's stubborn and refuses to cave.

Ugh. He thinks, before promptly passing out on his bed.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

The evening of the prom arrives. You're standing in front of your mirror, all dressed up and pretty. Your dress accentuates your curves amazingly and you've adorned your cheeks with small star-shaped rhinestones and sprayed a generous amount of body glitter all over yourself. The shimmer makes itself known in every crevice of your room but it doesn't bother you right now.

An imaginary Bakugou makes himself comfortable on your bed. He's eyeing you up and down and groaning appreciatively at the sight he's been blessed with. Fuckin' gorgeous, he says, just like you know he would if he were actually here. You're wearing his colours after all.

Your hands smooth down your dress incessantly for the nth time that night, as if getting rid of the imperceptible wrinkles on your dress would get rid of the thoughts in your head as well. It doesn't, but it makes you feel calmer. Maybe some would call it dramatic, or stupid, but you don't even really feel like going without him.

You don't want to miss out on your prom, and you still want to dance with your friends and eat cheap shitty food though. So maybe your hair droops a little, akin to your mood, but you leave your house shining and smiling anyway.

And when you get there, things start looking up. Whoever's in charge of the music has been doing an amazing job of not playing Closer by the Chainsmokers on repeat yet so that's win in your book. In fact, they're not playing any songs that would give the average retail worker war flashbacks, which means they're doing a phenomenal job.

The hall is mostly full by the time you and your friends find a table near the back. There's a line at the punch table and you can already tell that it's probably spiked with something judging by the students practically dry-humping one another on the dancefloor, much to one of the school's chaperone's dismay.

The first hour passes by without a hitch. The buffet table is lined with cheap pizzas, stale fries and other questionable foods like jello cups that you're not sure is even made with real jelly. But your friends eat it anyway and you do too because food poisoning's all part of the party package.

At the back of the hall, there's a photo booth with props and signs for everyone to take. Your friends and yourself take ungodly amounts of pictures at the booth, laughing loudly without a care in the fucking world. You don't let yourself think about how Bakugou would scoff at the choice of props, you refuse to let yourself think about how he'd pose after choosing something equally stupid and you absolutely do not let yourself think about how much brighter you'd be smiling if he were here with you. You don't.

The sound system blares songs from bands you're somewhat familiar with, the bass of the songs echo and reverberate throughout the dancehall. It amplifies the adrenaline running through your veins as you jump around with the rest of the people in the hall. It feels silly and unnatural but you're giggling and swaying and it isn't so bad when you've got your girls right next to you doing the same thing.

It's easy to forget about all the aches when you let yourself get lost in the crowd. You're pushed into the middle of the dancefloor that's definitely filled with people who don't go to your school.

A song that you vaguely recognise by The Weeknd plays over the speakers and it's so fast paced that your heart thumps to the bass of the song. The tremors echo through the hall, shaking the floor and it becomes so easy to forget why you were upset in the first place.

The song ends and cheers from half-drunk high schoolers fills the temporary silence that follows. The DJ announces that he's about to slow things down a little for a kick of romance. He stretches out the word romance so it sounds more like roooowmaynceee and when the music fades into something mellower, it becomes even easier to remember.

It becomes increasingly harder to ignore the pitiful glances your friends send your way as they're whisked away by their own dates. Humiliation and longing pools in your belly as you watch your friends get their waists held and their bodies swayed and it fucking sucks. Even though you wave dismissively at them, it does look quite pathetic when you slowly move to stand against the wall by yourself.

Your eyes sweep over the couples dancing, and you pray that no one asks you to dance while you're being a wallflower. You don't think you'd want to dance with anyone but him anyway. Distantly, your mind wanders to Bakugou, and you're left thinking about what he must be doing at this hour. Maybe he's studying, or watching a movie, or cooking something inedible like always. Maybe he's already asleep. Maybe he's missing you and he's on his way over here right now.

Nobody is crueler to you than yourself, you think, as you let your mind wander dangerously into that false pretence of hope that he might change his mind about showing up.

There's a phantom feeling that glides over your skin as you watch your friends dance, and you wrap your hands around your elbows to soothe it. The sweat from your earlier dancing cools off as the air in the hall gets cooler and you're not sure if it's the crisp, cold air, or the fact that you're painfully aware of Katsuki's absence that makes your throat sting each time you inhale.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

In the end, Katsuki's mother is the one who quite literally knocks some sense into him. Mitsuki Bakugou is not a force to be reckoned with, ever, and as tough and cool Katsuki makes himself seem, he'll always be a little bit intimidated by his mom. It's why he tries to seem as nonchalant as possible as he sits on his couch while staring unblinkingly at the TV.

Mitsuki pops her head into the living room. Fuck, he didn't think she'd be home so soon.

"Katsuki? What the hell are you still doing here?"

"You going crazy, hag? It's a Friday night, am I not allowed to take a fuckin' break or what?" He swallows.

"Language, asshat. And I just stopped by Inko's, brat, I know what day it is today," she sighs annoyedly before plopping down next to him, "She tried to show me Every. Single. Photo of Izuku in his tux. I had to tell her I left the stove on to get out of there. So quit the bullshit. Why are you still here?"

Katsuki has a pillow in his lap and he squeezes it until his knuckles turn pale so his voice won't waver.

"She didn't want me to take her," he lies, hoping his mom will take the bait.

Mitsuki shoves her son's head to the side good-naturedly, "I thought I told you to quit the bullshit, brat. That girl adores the hell out of you for some fucking reason, so don't try to lie to me."

It's that one goddamn line that has him snapping at her. It's her words and the stupid girls in the stupid fucking toilet and it's an amalgamation of everything that has him wanting to tear his fucking hair out that makes him lose it.

"Yeah, okay, fuck you too mom. You're right, I don't fucking know why someone like her wants to be with someone as fucked up and angry and- and mean and aggressive as I am too, alright? Everyone at school already fucking wonders why she even wants me so I didn't take her to this stupid fucking prom 'cus maybe they'll get off my back about fucking forcing her to be with me. I'm not in the goddamn mood to be hearing about this shit so fuck off. I wish I knew what the fuck she sees in me that's so good but I don't so just stop this fucked up interrogation, God."

He's not even looking at the TV anymore. He spits out his outburst while staring straight at his hands fisted in the poor pillow. It'll never uncrease now. His jaw is clenched so tightly he's scared his teeth might just shatter in his mouth. He doesn't want to look at his mom right now, too afraid to see her pitiful gaze directed at him. Doesn't want to hear her say you're right Katsuki, I don't know what she sees in you either.

Katsuki braces himself for an impact, knowing he's probably about to get smacked for talking to her like that. He doesn't expect the hand that gently lands atop his head, and he doesn't expect the hand that's curling behind his ears to turn his head towards her. Mitsuki looks at her son, making sure he really looks at her this time.

"Katsuki." She says, as gentle as the first time she held him in her arms. It doesn't matter how many years have passed, he looks just as small to her right now, and just like the day he was born, she will wrap him up and make sure he knows how loved he is.

"Katsuki, listen. I'm sorry for saying that," Mitsuki exhales, "It was a joke, but it was insensitive and I'm sorry. Every other time I said something like that about you wasn't true either. You're a good son and a good student and a good person. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, or says about you because the people who truly care about you know that you're a good fucking person, Katsuki."

Katsuki can barely hold eye contact with her. As embarrassing as it is, his vision blurs over and he will never acknowledge the way his voice breaks. "Mom," he shudders, "I'm always trying so fucking hard. I want to be good, please."

A noise that sounds like a choked back sob escapes him unwillingly. Mitsuki pulls his face into her shoulder and smiles when he barely resists. He fits just like he did before he thought hugging her wasn't cool anymore.

"You are good. You are so good, Katsuki." she whispers, "You always help to cook, and you keep the house clean and your grades up. You don't speak politely but you are honest and you are just like me. You use your hands, actions, to communicate rather than words. But you know, Katsuki, sometimes the people we love need to hear it from us too, okay? We'll both work on that."

A miniscule nod. "I'll start right now, Katsuki. You may be a brat sometimes, but you are my son. My sun. You are good, and kind and for everything you do not love about yourself, I love it tenfold."

He absolutely does not break at that. Katsuki bites back a whine, and exhales shakily again, soaking in her words like a sponge because he knows these moments for them come few and far in between. He doesn't mind. He thinks it's special that way, cherishing it whenever it does happen even more.

Mitsuki cards her hands through his hair, "You're a winner, Katsuki, that's why you have your name. Don't let whatever happened get to you like this. If you don't go to that stupid prom, you'll be making the biggest mistake of your life. Because I love you very much, and it might even be possible that that girl of yours loves you just as much, or maybe even a smidge more. Get your ass changed, and talk to her, alright? I know it's scary, letting someone in, but you care about her and you need to do this."

Katsuki pulls away from her, wiping his face roughly with his arms. He sniffles harshly, trying to erase all traces of the vulnerability he just showed. He bites his lip hard enough to almost draw blood. He wants to say he loves her back but the words fail him. Not yet, he thinks.

"I don't know what colour her dress is." He says instead.

"Wear your red suit. Don't ask questions, go get ready. You're already late, I'll call a cab for you."

Katsuki nods, getting up to walk to his room. He's halfway up the stairs when he pauses for a second. "Thanks mom. Love you."

Mitsuki waves her hand dismissively in his direction.

Katsuki stands in front of his mirror, inspecting everything he sees as if that'll change the way he feels about himself. His mom talking to him helped a lot, but he's still finding it hard to breathe and it's not just because his collar is choking him a bit. He fiddles with his bracelet. He tries to ground himself as he thinks about whether he should put on a different suit.

He really wishes he listened to what you were saying when you were talking about your dress. What if he shows up and his suit clashes with your dress? That would just make your night worse.

It's ridiculous. He knows he's just procrastinating. Because thinking about suit colours is easier than thinking about the crippling insecurity that still sits heavily on his shoulders, shackling him with the sheer weight of it all. He'd rather think about the colour of your dress than the fact that he feels like he can't give you what you deserve in a boyfriend.

His reflection frowns back at him.

The words you said play in his head like a broken record. You are the worst, you told him. He thinks of all the things he never really says to you because for some reason his emotionally constipated self just can't bring himself to say them. (Because he says I love you, but he means he hopes you never trip on your shoelaces if they're untied, that your hair never tangles in the wind, that if your drink spills not a drop of it would touch you, that your hands are always warm, that you'd never forget to bring your headphones before you leave the house and that you're always safe whenever he's not with you. Because he says I love you, but he means he hopes that if the sky were to drizzle, the raindrops themselves would feel privileged just to be able to fall upon your skin. Because he says I love you but he means he hopes you know he wants to say it right to your face, and into your mouth and kiss the words and every version of it's meaning into the space where your shoulder meets your neck every morning when he wakes up and every night before he lets himself succumb to slumber. He says I love you, but he means more than what those words convey. He says I love you, but he means stay warm, stay safe. He says I love you but he means my heart belongs more to you than me. He says I love you but he means he'll never want anything else for as long as he lives if it meant you'd always stay with him. He says I love you but he means come home to me and keep coming home to me, please.)

Oh.

If he could kick himself for being so stupid, he would. But he can't so he'll let you do it for him instead. I am not a coward, he tells himself as his unsteady hands try to make his hair look less of a mess. It doesn't work so he leaves it be and dashes out the door with an undone tie around his neck and he hastily side-hugs his mom- dodging her attempts to groom him- before throwing himself into the cab.

He doesn't make it a habit to show up late, but hopefully this time you'll forgive him. This time showing up late is better than not at all.

He's never made it a habit to show up late but maybe this time showing up late is better than not showing up at all. He drums his fingers nervously on his thigh throughout the entire ride. He hopes to God you're having fun. He hopes you know he's on the way. He hopes, and hopes and prays that he hasn't lost his chance.

When he arrives, he doesn't even spare a glance for his own friends, too preoccupied with finding you. The hall isn't very big but the space is large enough that he has to walk around a few times just to spot you.

The minute he sees you leaning against the wall, he wishes desperately he could go back in time. He'd do fucking anything to erase that faraway look in your eyes. He can see the way you're yearning to be one of the couples on the dancefloor and he wants to unwrap your hands around yourself and replace it with his own.

Katsuki breathes in deep and makes his way towards you cus damn it, if you wanted a dance, he'll give you a fucking dance alright.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

The last slow song finally slowly tunes out, transitioning into a more upbeat one. The couples finally disentangle themselves from one another and you're just about to step back onto the dancefloor when a very familiar pair of arms snake around your waist.

You didn't even see him come in. It doesn't matter how he apparated here, because the only thing that matters right now is the fact that he showed up and the way his arms fit snugly around your hips. A breathless sound of disbelief escapes your lips as he pulls you into him when you turn around to face him.

If he's surprised by the lack of anger or disappointment on your face, he doesn't show it. All he knows is the feeling of your arms coming up to rest up on his shoulders. With the way you're beaming up at him, anyone would think that the only thing he did was show up almost two hours late. He knows better though, he knows he fucked up when all you wanted was for him to bring you to this stupid dance. And on God, would he try his hardest to make it up to you.

Katsuki leans into you, burying his nose into your hair that's all pinned up and pretty. He's getting glitter all over his face and suit and he doesn't care at all.

"I'm sorry," he exhales, letting the apology spill out of him, "'M so fuckin' sorry, princess."

It's so quiet, you almost think he never said it at all. In the background, you can just barely register the lyrics of Paramore's Still Into You that's currently playing. A litany of 'thank yous' is mentally conveyed to the DJ.

"And what are you sorry for?"

Katsuki clenches his jaw, his eyes darting away from yours like he's struggling not to look away. He groans before telling you, "There’s been rumours going on, people talking shit like they know us. Saying fuck all, running their fuckin’ mouths about how you could do better than me. And it’s stupid that I believed them for even a millisecond, I know. Then I realised that if I let you show up here alone then i’d just be proving those fuckers right. So, you win, princess. I took you to this stupid prom. I showed up, ‘m here right now."

Even though it's been said before, the lack of confidence Katsuki has in himself is absolutely baffling. It's like he can admit he has flaws and weaknesses and he'll know exactly what the problem is but he won't fucking talk to you for some reason you can't figure out.

Nvermind, you figured it out.

He's scared. Bakugou Katsuki is fearless. He's not afraid of anything, because he knows everything he's afraid of can be defeated one way or another. His fear of failure is conquered with his efforts in order to secure success. His fear of inferiority to anyone that's a threat towards him can be overtaken by brandishing his own achievements like a sword, or like armour. But when you come along, suddenly it becomes: Bakugou Katsuki was fearless.

The only thing he's scared of is losing you. That’s something that he alone can’t control, because you could very well decide to leave him if you ever felt like it. He realises that if he didn't show up tonight, the chances of that happening would be much much higher, and then if he lost you, he'd be a loser. Bakugou Katsuki is not a loser.

Your chest tightens at the thought that he actually believed that you’d leave him for someone better, as if someone like that even existed. One of your hands reaches up to curl around his neck, forcing him to look at you. You shake your head firmly when he tries leaning away.

You’re glad your voice remains steady when you say, "You should've talked to me. ‘Suki, I can’t believe you almost blew me off because of some shit some people we don’t even know thought about us. They don’t know anything about us, alright? They don’t fucking know how good I have it with you and you shouldn't keep all that to yourself next time, okay?”

His grip tightens, “You should’ve heard them though. Girls are fuckin’ ruthless. Talking about how easily you could just fuck off and get with someone better. Saying I... I'm forcing you to be with me. Fuck, it made me feel like shit ‘cause I knew there was some truth in what they said. I know I can stand to be nicer to you.”

Your hands find their way to his undone tie and you tug, “Katsuki, I don’t care about what they said. You hear me?”

Once he nods, you go on, "I couldn't do any better than you, because you're already the best. You said it yourself. If you think I deserve better, then be better, 'cause I don't want anyone but you. So stop trying to push me away. Whoever started all this can fucking eat our asses 'cause clearly they don't need their mouths if all they're gonna do is talk shit."

"Holy fuck, you really need to stop spending so much time with me." Katsuki snorts.

With a laugh, he twirls you around two times all while complaining that you're starting to sound exactly like him. But you’re not so sure he really minds so much judging by the way he grins wickedly at you. When his arms go back to their rightful place, you rest your forehead against his chest, "Also, let me? 'Suki, I did show up here alone. Which means that technically, you didn't really take me here, you know? 'Cause I had to come here all by myself."

Katsuki huffs and puffs, and leans back far enough to flick your forehead softly. He sways you slowly to the music, despite how fast the music is, "What matters is that I'm here. I’m fuckin' sorry for making you show up here all alone. Look, I’m even dancing with ya, ain’t that enough?”

Am I enough?

Katsuki says all that like he's exasperated with you but really he's posing it as a question. He's asking, and looking for a chance to redeem himself. Like always, you rest even more of your weight against him, knowing you can let yourself go boneless against him and he'll hold you all the same. He's all strong and soft and sturdy and you can hear his heartbeat thundering beneath his clothes and you make sure he can hear you when you say, "You've always been more than enough."

You can feel the way any lingering tension escapes him when you tell him that. He tells you softly, promises you that he'll start opening up more to you, and he kisses you on the cheek to really seal it in. The song echoes throughout the room, thrumming in your veins and making you feel weightless.

Some things just, some things just make sense and one of those is you and I.

His eyes don't waver as he really takes you in, savouring the image of how good you look. He sears the image of you into his brain and he hopes you know how serious he means when he rasps, "Fuck, ya look gorgeous by the way. Absolutely fucking stunnin' and I really fuckin' wish no one else but me could look at ya." His hands run down your sides slowly and squeeze at your hips, eliciting goosebumps all over your skin.

Heat quickly floods your cheeks and pools in your tummy, and his hands tighten his hold on you. You grin at him, "Well, ignoring your tie, I think you look very handsome as well. I'm surprised our colours didn't clash."

Katsuki barks a laugh at that. If only you knew.

It's quite the scene to see you and him swaying gently to such a hyped up tune. Everyone mostly crowds up around the front of the hall. But you and Katsuki hang back from the big mass of sweaty bodies, choosing to stand nearer to the opposite end of the room. If your friends look at you weird, you don't take notice. It's as if you're in your own little world; just you and him.

The second chorus sounds and Katsuki dips you as low as he can get before you yell at him. When you come back up, he's looking at you all starry eyed, staring directly at your lips. He can't stop himself, he cuts you off while you're singing along to kiss you right then. He swallows the little 'mmphrh!' that comes out of your throat greedily, sliding one of his hands up your back all the way to the cuff of your neck to press you even closer into him.

"Fuckin' missed you and your pretty fucking mouth, baby." he sighs breathlessly into you.

It's barely a chaste kiss, looking quite messy for a high school prom. Thankfully no staff member comes in between you and him, so he pulls away slowly before leaning back in. He kisses you once, twice and then some more and even a fifth and sixth time, like he's making up for all the days he didn't.

After he's satisfied with all the kisses he's peppered on your face, he leans away, smiling sillily. "She's right, you know?"

Your eyebrows furrow but your lips quirk up anyway, "What are you talking about?"

Katsuki spins you slowly, "The singer. She's right," and leads you back into him before singing monotonously, "After all this time, I'm still into you."

"You are such a loser, that was so cringe. Oh my god, what the fuck," you laugh, but your heart squeezes in affection.

Katsuki doesn't know if it's the haphazardly hung disco ball and the flashing lights that makes your eyes shine and sparkle or if it's just you, but he can't tear his eyes away from you. You're looking at him like he split the oceans for you, and he thanks every star in the sky that you're letting him hold you this close again.

If he knew how unreal you’d look when you’re dancing in his arms, he never would’ve ditched this thing. What a shame, he thinks, that he missed out on two whole hours that could have been spent with you looking like this. Maybe it’s the air in the hall but he feels practically giddy at the sight of you enjoying yourself, and it makes his heart fucking leap because it’s him that’s making you smile like that.

The sides of his mouth hurt from how much they've been stretched tonight, but he can't keep the smile off his face when you say, "You're right though. She is right."

He hums along to the tune, because denies it as he may, he absolutely loves this song just as much as you do.

Your eyes drink up the sight of Katsuki dressed up so… in character. His hair is as messy as ever, his tie hangs loose and undone around his neck and you’re sure his suit jacket has seen better days but he looks fucking ethereal to you. He’s all lethal grins and loud laughter and his cologne smells as spicy and warm as it always does and you realise again just how in love you are with him.

Katsuki’s eyes are gleaming, and maybe it’s just a trick in the light but you’re reminded of just how lucky you are to have him like this. Because maybe he is brash and harsh when he talks to you, but he’s never treated you like you’re anything but the most important thing in his life. To him, you’re his favourite person in the whole world, and he doesn’t need to say it out loud because he knows you know it too.

So maybe Katsuki isn't easy to read, or deal with. That doesn't mean he's not easy to love. Because loving him was like breathing— instinctual and  inevitable. You loved him the way the moon loved the ocean, and the way the sun loved the stars. Loving him was the easiest thing you've ever done in your life, and you knew that wasn’t ever going to change.

And baby even on our worst nights, I'm into you. Let 'em wonder how we got this far, 'cause I don't really need to wonder at all. Yeah, after all this time, I'm still into you

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

(extra)

Later, when the two of you have sufficiently made out against the wall enough for the chaperones to flick water at Katsuki so he'll finally pull away, you'll find his hand and pull him along to the rest of your friends.

Kirishima will see you two and laugh, telling Katsuki he's glad he pulled his head out of his ass. Katsuki will hiss, "Kay why ess..." and drag you to the photo booth. You won't tell him, but you're secretly glad that you were right. He does scoff at the assortment of props but he picks up a stupid styrofoam emoji of a bomb.

He pushes you into the booth and sets the timer for the picture. Right as it's about to go off, he looks at you very seriously as he says, "You put the boom-boom into my heart," before absolutely smashing the emoji against your cheek.

"KATSU I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU-"

The photos come out blurry and you're wide-mouthed and laughing in all of them. He's looking at you like you're the only thing that exists. There’s barely any inches between you and him like you’re the sun and he’s every planet that orbits your celestial body.

Katsuki walks you home afterwards, laughing and stealing your body heat as he delivers you to your doorstep. When you kiss him goodnight, he thinks he must have known you in every life before this one for him to have the capacity to love you as much as he does. He keeps his copy of the photo in his wallet, signing the back with 'still into you xx'.

Not that he needs the reminder.

[andreafmn]

Collision | Chapter 23

Word Count: 4.4K Warnings: medical procedures, death

Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life is at its first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same.

A/N: goodness me, I know it's been forever since I've updated anything. I've been in a bit of a mental rut and nothing was coming to me, but I'm finishing up a couple of updates so I'll definitely be publishing a few things this week. Also, please don't hate me for updating the less loved Twilight fic. Speak is coming soon 🫣🫣 also also, new character 👀👀

<- Previous | Next ->

(Y/N) knew it had been too quiet for too long.

Well, not entirely quiet.

After the encounter with Laurent in the woods, his friend Victoria had shown up. The vampire had gone through hitchhikers in Forks like it was an all-you-can-eat buffet. It had the sheriff station in Forks and La Push on high alert. There were too many bodies and not enough explanations—at least none that could be known by the public.

The pack had already doubled their efforts during their patrols, doing all in their power to run the redhead out of their land while protecting the Swan duo in theirs. They had lost sleep and had been overworked for weeks. The vampire had bested them in every move, taunting the pack with her swift and calculated moves.

But the important thing was that Bella was safe, and she seemed to be getting better. At least for the past couple of weeks, she had been better. That’s what (Y/N) thought until she got a call one early March morning.

“What do you mean Bella knows about you?” (Y/N) said through gritted teeth. “And it happened a week ago? Why am I just finding out? I literally talked to her before spring break started.”

“It seems Jacob hinted to the stories she used to hear when she was a kid,” Sam sighed. “Gotta give it to the kid. He really found a workaround the rules. I was gonna tell you as soon as it happened, but you had your exams and everything, so no one wanted to worry you with it.”

“How did she take it? Is everyone okay?”

“Well, Jake and Paul had a little row because Bella blamed us for Jacob keeping his distance from her,” her brother chuckled. “And, well, Paul got a bit mouthy, and Bella ended up slapping him—at least, attempting to—which cause him to get angry and phase. Subsequently Jacob phased to protect her. They’re both fine now and Bella knows everything.”

“And no rules were broken I suppose,” (Y/N) sighed. “But Bella now knows about wolves and vampires and somehow is back in the center of all supernatural danger. Isn’t this all just great?” 

“This is gonna sound harsh, but I prefer her being hunted than you, (Y/N),” Sam admitted. “I know we can protect you in our land, but this one is ruthless and relentless. I would hate for her to have your scent.”

“Well, she doesn’t, thankfully,” she said. “Don’t think she even had my description since you killed her friend. But I thought we were gonna be more proactive when sharing information now.”

“I know, but I wanted you to at least pass that test first,” he confessed. “Look at you now, on your first week as a student doctor.”

“I still can’t believe it’s happening,” (Y/N) exclaimed. “I don’t know what spirits are looking out for me, but it’s almost unbelievable that I’ve been able to do any of this. It takes months for Step 1 to be revised and for college credits to go through. But I’m knocking on wood that these miracles keep happening like this. Might just become the youngest doctor in Washington.”

“If there’s anyone who could do it, it had to be my genius sister.”

“Thanks for the flattery, it does me well in the mornings,” she chuckled. “But I do have to get into work soon. So, thank you for this new information. I will call Bella and see how she’s doing after my shift.”

“Alright, sounds good, Dr. Uley.”

“I like how that sounds,” she beamed. “I’ll see you after work. Bye, Sam.”

“Bye, Dr. Uley.”

When (Y/N) entered the hospital that morning, she believed it would be another routine day. A couple of flu cases, possibly some broken bones in the ER, maybe even a more pressing case. But she had not expected to see Harry Clearwater coming through the doors of the emergency room, Sue trailing close behind.

“(Y/N), I’m gonna need you on this one,” Dr. Mollins, the ER attending, called. “Let’s move the patient to Trauma 1. Talk to me.”

“We’ve got a man in his mid to late 50s showing signs of a severe myocardial infarction,” the paramedic said as he pushed the gurney into the building. “He went into cardiac arrest during transport, but we were able to regain sinus rhythm. He was administered two milligrams of epi.”

(Y/N) felt stuck in her spot, her limbs frozen as the familiar faces moved past her. She had seen her fair share of emergencies during her time at the hospital and her past internships. But seeing someone that she knew completely defenseless and unconscious shot ice through her veins.

“Dr. Uley!” Mollins called her again. “I need you here, now!” 

“Yes, o-of course,” the young woman stammered as she felt her brain finally jumpstart. She sent Sue an apologetic smile as she walked through the curtain that separated Harry’s room from the rest of the beds. “I’m here.”

As soon as she slid the curtain behind her, (Y/N), Eden Mollins, and a nurse started to examine Harry. His blood was extracted, his pulse and his blood pressure were taken, his lungs were listened to, and his temperature was taken. All the while, the man remained unconscious, and (Y/N) prayed to whatever was out there that he at least opened his eyes.

Every second that passed, the girl’s breath hitched in her throat. All she could do was think back at the summers she would spend in the Clearwaters home, running around with Seth and Leah while Harry watched over them, how he and Billy would gather all the kids around the bonfire to tell them stories about the ancestors, how he watched over her and Sam when her father had decided to disappear from their lives.

“I wanna run an EKG and an Echo on the patient,” Eden instructed. “And call in a CT and a chest MRI. The patient is still unconscious, so…”

“Harry,” (Y/N) choked out. “His name is Harry.”

“Excuse me?”

“The patient’s name is Harry,” she restated. “Harry Clearwater.”

“Do you know the pa… Mr. Clearwater, Uley?”

“Yes, I do.”

“You have to tell me right now if that will impair your treatment of the patient today, Uley,” the doctor said. “I cannot have you freeze like you did.”

“Good,” he nodded. “He seems stable for now, so go out there and get some background from the wife. Can you do that?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Alright then.”

The doctor slid the curtains open to reveal a teary-eyed Sue. Once he was gone, (Y/N) allowed herself to throw her arms around the woman, wrapping her in a tight, warm hug as she whispered how sorry she was. “What happened, Sue?” she whispered. “What caused this? He seemed fine last week.”

“Oh gods, (Y/N), it was just too much for him,” the woman sniffled. “It was Leah. She phased.”

“W-what? Leah shifted into a wolf? How is that possible?”

“That’s not all. The second Harry was down, Seth phased too,” she added. “He said only boys turned into wolves, (Y/N). How could it be that Leah is one too?”

“I could not tell you, Sue,” (Y/N) breathed. “This is just as new to me as it is to you. But what could have triggered the change in Leah? I don’t get it. Thought there were normally signs.”

“Well, she had been acting out a lot recently, and her body started changing dramatically. I thought she was just being a normal moody teenager and that maybe she was going through a second puberty,” Sue sighed. “But this morning, we were arguing about how horrible her mood swings had been, and she just exploded. One second, my daughter was standing before us. And the next, there was a grey wolf breaking through our couch. The shock sent Harry down. His heart just couldn’t take it—you know he’s always had trouble with it. Then, Seth—poor thing—seeing his father go down got so anxious that he shifted too. I tried calling Sam after I called 911, but Emily told me he was out with his wolves chasing that leech out of the forest. “It was all so sudden, (Y/N),” the woman cried, taking (Y/N)’s offered hand. “She ran out the door with Seth behind and I couldn’t stop them. I had to get Harry to the hospital.”

“Oh, Sue, that’s just horrible,” the girl said. “I can’t believe that happened.”

“Tell me, (Y/N). Is it bad? Is Harry gonna be okay?”

(Y/N) took in a steadying breath as she braced herself to tell one of the people who had essentially raised her that her husband was not showing good signs. How could she speak those words when she didn’t want to believe them herself? “Look, Sue, I can’t lie to you. Things are not looking good,” she explained. “With his age, his pre-existing condition, and the severity of this episode, it’s still too early to tell. We need him to wake up in order to assess the situation fully. If not…”

“I know,” Sue interjected. “I just don’t know what I would do without him.”

“Okay, let’s not go there just yet, Sue,” (Y/N) stammered. “Why don’t you call someone to be with you while we run labs? I wouldn’t want you to be alone right now.”

“Don’t worry about me, (Y/N),” she softly smiled. “I already called Charlie and Billy. They’re on their way here already.”

“Good. I’m gonna go check on his labs. If you need anything or need me here, just let one of the nurses know and they’ll page me right back.”

“That’s alright, (Y/N). I know you’re busy.”

When she left the room, (Y/N) finally felt like she could breathe. But there was a nagging in the deepest corners of her head that was telling her that something bad was going to go down. Yet, she wanted to listen to the rational side of her brain. Harry was in the best place to receive treatment if another episode were to happen. She had to trust that they would be able to help him. She simply had to.

The girl busied herself with other patients’ labs and filing anything that kept her as far away from Harry’s results as possible. She couldn’t face another loss so quickly. Not yet. She wasn’t sure if her heart could take it.

During her short life, (Y/N) had faced too many grievances that had forced her to grow up too quickly. Her father had walked out of her life when she was too young, and she needed him the most, forcing her mother to spend too much time at work and too little time at home. Most of the time, it was only Sam and her at home dealing with their schoolwork and food. Then, right as they were learning how to be the dynamic duo, she was accepted at St. Agustine Prep, and she had to learn how to be by herself for the better part of four years. After, she met the man she thought would be her future, and he ripped her heart apart like it hadn’t been fragile to begin with. Sadness was simply a part of (Y/N)’s existence, but she didn’t think there was more she could take.

(Y/N) prayed quietly. She prayed harder than she ever had before in her life. She didn’t know to what exactly, but she prayed.

And yet, the universe rarely played things out in the way she wanted.

The young woman was on her way to greet Billy Black and Charlie Swan when a loud ringing alarm called her attention. It was the soundtrack of despair, the theme song of disappointment, and the last thing (Y/N) wanted to hear. Her legs started moving before she could think twice, setting off for Harry’s room. There, the flatlining sound filled her ears, mixed with Sue’s pleas for help as nurses pulled her aside to allow the doctors to work.

“The patient’s coding, Uley,” Eden called out. “Start compressions. This is your call.”

(Y/N) was already on Harry before Mollins had finished his sentence. Her full attention was on her counts, pressing on his chest like she had been taught to do. One, two, three, four, all the way to thirty before the nurse administered air pumps. Then again, and again.

“Push one milligram of epi,” (Y/N) called out, not stopping her compressions for another three minutes. “Check rhythm.” 

As she removed her hands, the screen showed a red line once more, and that pesky sound filled the room again. “Still asystole,” Eden said. “Push another milligram and clear for defib.” 

(Y/N) continued her work as sweat formed on her forehead. She pushed into the man’s chest at a steady pace, even when she felt her limbs wanted to give out. Her legs trembled under her, and her heart hammered loudly against her chest, but she couldn’t stop. Even after two defibrillations that yielded no results, the girl kept administering compressions.

“Uley, it’s time to call it,” Mollins whispered softly at the young doctor. “It’s been over thirty minutes.” 

“No!” (Y/N) exclaimed. Beads of sweat were falling down her face and mixing with her tears, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop. Not for Harry. “I’ve gotta keep going!” 

“(Y/N),” Eden called her, taking hold of her wrists and forcing her gaze to break from the man. “It’s time to call it.”

“I can’t,” she trembled as she fell onto the doctor. “He can’t…” 

But the consistent sound of a flatline killed her words. That was it. Her first patient was gone, and it was someone she had looked up to like a father. Despite all of her efforts, he was gone, and there was nothing else she could do about it.

“Time of death: 1542,” the doctor called to the nurse before turning back to the crumbling girl. “You did everything you could, (Y/N). You did everything right.”

“But he’s gone,” she cried. “He’s gone, and I could’ve done more.”

“No. There was nothing at all that you could have done,” Eden said. "Unfortunately, this is part of the job. We can’t save them all, (Y/N), but you absolutely did everything you could have.” 

“I know I can’t save them all, but I needed to save him.” 

“Tell you what, I’m gonna break the news to the family right now,” the young man said. “You’re gonna take a second to compose yourself before you go out there, and I want you to take the rest of the day off to rest.” 

“I shouldn’t…” 

“I know that it’s unconventional, and most doctors would have said that you needed to get used to it,” he added. “But you need this, (Y/N). This case is too personal, and I know it’s gonna take a toll on you.” 

“Okay,” she whimpered. “Thank you, Dr. Mollins.” 

“I already told you, (Y/N). When we’re off a case, it’s Eden.” 

The moment Eden left the room, the silence that filled it was worse than the beeping and the alarms. It was eerie and loaded, and it made (Y/N) feel like it would swallow her at any moment.

Yet, the only other presence there was Harry. His face was covered with a white sheet, shielding his body from everyone. And for that, she was thankful. (Y/N) couldn’t look at his face. She knew her mind would trick her into thinking that he was merely sleeping and that at any moment, he would wake up and say the most unfunny joke she had heard of, but she would have laughed anyway because it would have meant that he was alive.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” she whispered to him. “I tried so hard. I hope you know that.”

“He does, honey.” Sue’s voice startled her. Tears stained the woman’s face, but her desperation was gone. She wrapped her arms around the younger girl, smoothing down her hair in a comforting manner. “He knows how hard you fought for him, (Y/N). It was just his time.”

“He was fine just last week,” she sobbed. “I can’t believe he’s just gone now.”

“As long as he is in our memories, he will never truly be gone,” the woman smiled sadly. “But he is with our spirits now, reunited with his ancestors.”

“Harry will never be forgotten that I can promise you, Sue.”

“He really loved you, (Y/N),” Sue mentioned. “He was always so amazed by everything that you were doing. He loved to boast about how far he knew you’d go to literally anyone who would listen. Deep down, he wanted Leah and Sam to work out so we’d be officially family.”

“I’m really gonna miss him, Sue. I wish I had spent more time with him these last few years. And now…”

“Oh, honey, no. Don’t do that,” the woman comforted. “Harry knew how busy you are, how busy you’ve always been. He was just so happy to know you were doing something you loved.”

“May his soul rest easy now,” the girl whimpered before placing a hand on Harry’s. “Until we meet again, Harry.”

(Y/N) excused herself from the room, allowing Sue to have one last moment with Harry. Outside, she acknowledged Charlie and Billy, giving them a sad smile before she disappeared into the doctor’s locker rooms. She couldn’t face another person who was close to Harry, not when she could still feel the beat of his heart under her hands.

Inside the locker room, she allowed herself to break down. She crumpled to the floor, clutching at her chest as every emotion came barreling down on her. There was pain and turmoil, anger and disappointment. But most of all, it was the harrowing sadness that she had been carrying since she was a little girl that draped itself over her, swallowing her completely and dragging her into the darkness.

Until a voice pulled her out. “Hey, hey, Uley,” Eden called as he kneeled in front of her. “Come on, you need to breathe. Take a deep breath.”

“I-I-I c-can’t,” she stammered. Her breath got trapped in her chest, tightening her lungs and making them burn for oxygen.

“Yes, you can. Come on,” he encouraged. “Match my breaths, okay? Come on, in and out.”

Eden took deep breaths, exhaling after holding them for five seconds. His hands found hers, forcing her gaze to snap to his. He continued the breathing exercises until she was finally able to match his pace. Her body stopped shaking, and feeling started returning to her limbs as her sobs quieted down. As weakness took over her, (Y/N) crashed onto Eden’s chest, allowing him to wrap her in a warm and comforting hug.

It was an unexpected embrace that she was more than thankful for. Eden had come to the hospital three months after Carlisle had left to fill the hole left in the emergency department. When (Y/N) had entered and started her clinical rotations, he had been tasked with being her teacher in emergency medicine.  

He had not taken to her quickly. From her work as a medical assistant, he had said she was far too young and too inexperienced to be in the hospital. Though he had eaten his words in a short amount of time, he still seemed to hold some sort of disdain for her. At least, that’s what she had thought until that very moment.

“Hey, there you go,” he cooed. “Just keep breathing, okay?”

“Gods,” (Y/N) croaked out. “I’m sorry. I know I should be okay with death, but this…”

“You don’t have to apologize, (Y/N). Never apologize for the emotions you’re feeling,” Eden reassured. “Especially not after losing someone close to you. That is something no one could ever fault you for.”

“Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?” the girl blurted. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, but it’s not a secret that you don’t really like me.”

“Why would you think that?” she asked, his tone hinting at being slightly offended. “I don’t think I’ve given any indication of that.”

“Come on, Eden. You’re always giving me dirty looks and have gotten mad at me at any turn this whole week. It’s not hard to decipher that you don’t really enjoy my presence at the hospital.”

“Oh god, no. That has nothing to do with you—at least not directly,” he quickly assured. "I think you’re a brilliant doctor, and I’m honestly so impressed that you’re here at your age. My attitude has more to do with the fact that my parents saw you working here a week after I finally got here, and they were on me because I could have been like you.”

“What, a terrified nineteen-year-old playing at being a doctor?”

“Christ, I didn’t think you’d heard that,” he grimaced. “That came from a really childish place. It’s just that my parents have always pushed me to be the best, much to my detriment. I had the ability to jump a few grades or do dual enrollment like you did, but I wanted the whole high school experience. So, even if I graduated at sixteen and finished my bachelor's in three years, I could have always done better. So, here I am at twenty-five and already an attending, but in comes a nineteen-year-old med student who somehow was able to skip two whole years of med school and had an almost perfect Step 1 score, and suddenly my achievements aren’t good enough anymore. I’m sorry I ever said that. I mean, I’m a grown-ass man caring what my parents think.”

“Don’t worry,” she smiled softly. “It just made me want to prove myself even more. I’m kind of used to people underestimating me.”

“Yeah, I quickly learned I shouldn’t have,” he chuckled. “You’re a great doctor, (Y/N), and a great person.”

“Well, thank you,” she beamed. "It honestly means a lot coming from you, especially now.”

“I can promise that was the first and last time I ever underestimate you,” Eden smiled brightly.  “Now, you should go home. Your brother just came back.”

“Came back?”

“He arrived when you were down at the CT scan, but he left for an emergency,” the man responded. “He just came back a minute after you left the room.”

At the word emergency, (Y/N) jumped to her feet and ran toward the emergency room, new tears forming in the corners of her eyes. It was a word that held too much weight even before the entire picture was shown. After that morning, the girl could only expect the worst.

Her limbs carried her automatically, her brain not registering where she was going until she crashed into someone. “Is someone else hurt?” she managed to croak out. “Tell me what happened, Sam.”

“Hey, breathe, (Y/N),” her brother instructed as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. “No one’s hurt. Okay? It was just an accident.”

“That still doesn’t make things clearer. What accident?”

“Bella sort of jumped or slipped off a high cliff while we were running Victoria all the way up to the Canadian border,” he said. “I had been here for no more than ten minutes when Jared called me and said that Jake had gotten there just in time. She’s fine now. A bit shaken up and cold, but she’s at Billy’s house resting. You don’t have to worry, (Y/N). It’s been handled.”

“So, she almost drowned, and all she’s doing is sleeping it off?” (Y/N) exclaimed. “Why didn’t you bring her here? She needs to be checked out!”

“(Y/N), I need you to calm down, okay? She chose not to come, and you shouldn’t be worrying about this. You should be going home and resting, too.”

“But she’s…”

“You’re in no headspace to worry about other people, Bean,” Sam cooed as he smoothed down his sister’s hair. “Go home, kid. Rest up. We’ve got things from here.”

“But…”

“Go home, (Y/N),” Sue interjected, a kind smile softly stretching her face. “All that’s left here is legal mumbo jumbo. You’ve done everything you possibly can.”

“I just feel like I need to help in some way. Either here or with Bella. I just…”

“You can’t help anyone if you don’t take care of yourself, Bean,” her brother interrupted. “I promise we’ve got everything handled here, kid.”

After much insistence and a lot of back-and-forth, (Y/N) finally agreed to take her afternoon off and head back home. But loneliness was quick to follow as soon as she was by herself. It sank its claws into her throat and started a never-ending stream of tears that stained her cheeks. Helplessness gripped her chest, nagging at her mind and reminding her of all the things she couldn’t do.

Before she knew it, the afternoon had slowly shifted into night, and (Y/N)’s eyes had fluttered shut in the hospital parking lot. Now, with less weight in her heart and a tight knot in her neck, she sputtered her truck to life and started her trip back home, where she would most likely repeat the same process all over again.

When she got there, the house was eerily quiet, and the cold seeped into her bones as though winter was still scratching its way to the surface. But she knew why it felt that way, and she knew it would be like that for a long time.

Other than Sue, (Y/N) couldn’t get Seth and Leah out of her head. Not only had they been sprung into the supernatural world in such a dramatic way, but they had also lost their father and had not been able to say goodbye. She wondered if they were scared or angry, if a part of them felt guilty. She knew she did, and she couldn’t imagine how heavy it had to weigh on their own hearts and minds.

She was typing their house number when her house phone suddenly rang in her hand, startling her. “Hello?” she said through the phone.

“(Y/N), hi, it’s uh, Bella,” the Swan girl stammered in her usual fashion. “I heard about… I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks, Bella,” she smiled sadly, swallowing down the knot that threatened to close her throat. “Are you okay? Sam told me what happened this morning.”

“Yeah, I’m okay. It was just a horrible accident,” Bella answered quickly. “But I’m fine now. I was actually calling about something else.”

“Oh. Uh, what is it?” 

“Do you think you could come over right after the funeral?”

“To your house?” (Y/N) questioned. “Why?”

“I think there’s someone you should see.” 

Next ->

My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts  or buy me a coffee to support me and my love of writing If you’d like to be tagged in this or any other story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post!

Taglist: @winter-soldier-101@zheezs14 @a-sifu-hotman @sunflowerleii@dyslexiccatterpillar @blackbluerose666 @slutforsainz @kortniec696 @xcastawayherosx@minhaimaginacao @bluebirbnamedjay @sirenheadenby @andreiaafaria @bluetreecloud20@sunshine2894 @valejewel @mushroomelephant @swidkid @skyesthebomb@esposadomd @nocturnalherb16

@nogitsune-the @user0ur0mom @cometstail @sugajar @lovel-blog @616wilsons @lunaOoO @senjuhotaru @princesshearts18 @byelannie

@avis15@wonieeee@baebeepeach@krazyk99@catgirlpwr@klf1999@sl-ut@adaydreamaway08@cinffy23@toomanythoughts33 @laylaskywalker @fandomonetwo @fruitylilfuck @a-slut-for-loki-bucky @honeywxter @haroldpotterson@kaita11 @gangstalicious06 @uwunuggetchan@elijahssuit @multifandomreader73 @ellabellabus07@blackloveangel13@euphoria1992@saltedcoffeescotch@lowkeysaurus@zealouscookierebeltrash@sleepilysworld@laylasbunbunny @american-sataness @cevans-winchester@avada-kedavra-bitch-187@jstarr86 @coquita @ilikepunsbeth @itsmytimetodream @laury-blackbeak @unstablekay@midnightmisses@magical-spit @ratsys @hopexargent @druigsluver29 @fresita1218

@chaoticthingpizza @cecehensonn @thatgirljayy @f4irylure @thedeadpo3t @monbrss @revnamjinn @bibella8swan @integalacticspacemonkey @marshmallowgem

@catchmeupimgettingoutofhere @daniallh @lis-likes-fics @agent-anna @blightwulf @mauvette268 @marvelatthetwilight @beefwhobarksandisalilmadalot @juniper-a @jules-bea2308 @comic-book-overload

@unicornicopia1 @the-house-of-rose-and-ember @mysingularitybts @wonnou @greyeyedmockingbird

@nessaasstuff @simon-e-mallory @urmomsfav-stuff @evattude @the-irish-princess @heartfilia01 @jinxxangel13 @rinalouu @haikyuuswhore @arcaurix @cheshirecat484 @bloobewy @pinkrockstar19

@lainlovelain @tsunchani @purplehrts7

[whotfletamothhyperfx]

Venting

TLDR: I’m not gonna be posting for a while sorry

I don’t know how much longer it’s gonna be until I have a total and utter meltdown/ breakdown whatever the worst one is cause it’s gonna happen soon. I just can’t deal with all this shit put onto me anymore, I already have enough to worry about with my exams but now I’ve got to worry about the fact I’m criminally underweight to the point that my shoulder blade got caught on my ribs and now Im in pain everyday of my life, I’ve got to deal with the fact my parents are having to pay for a private doctor that costs them hundreds per meetings. There’s a chance this might be permanent if I have it too long and I have no idea what to do if it’s already permanent, I’ll have chronic pain for the rest of my life. I can’t hold my arms above my head for even a minute without being exhausted,

I’ve got to deal with fact I’m pretty sure I’m depressed I just can’t feel anything anymore, and whenever I do feel stuff I’m sad or angry and I just can’t feel happy anymore. Every-time I do feel the slightest bit happy something comes and tears it away in literally minutes. Sleeping is all I do and eating makes me feel sick.

I can’t even let myself enjoy the things I do have because everything comes with the slightest bit of guilt. I buy books and I’m so tired I can’t pick them up. I buy games and I can’t leave my bed anymore. I can’t do a single thing without feeling guilty. I have to get my breakfasts carried to my room or I won’t eat until dinner and even then that’s all I eat. My parents are having to put protein powder like the things athletes take or I’m gonna end up more hurt. It’s never been this bad before.

I don’t have a single good thing happening in my life but still I’m forcing myself to act happy around people and I don’t even know why, I literally deleted this before because i thought it might be “too depressing” to post but ya know what? It’s my blog if I wanna scream to the void then it’s my void to scream into ya know? It’s funny that this is genuinly the only place I have to go. I can’t go to my parents, I can’t go to my friends. I don’t even know if I have friends anymore. I’m pretty sure my best friend is mad at me but I’m giving her space so I hope she isn’t mad at me

I love my parents, they’re trying so hard and I know they love me but god every time they talk to me it feels like something they say always ends up making me feel worse and I don’t even know why. Most of the time it’s just harmless jokes I spend the next weeks thinking of.

I’m so tired of just dealing with everything, I’ve not left my bed in weeks, my rooms a mess, I can’t eat and now I only sleep and draw. It’s all I do and I’m so stressed and tired and I just want to scream at someone and the notes app is getting to full of my angry thoughts so this is just me kinda hoping it’ll give me a rest. I’m really fucking tired.

So yeah if you read this far I probably won’t post for a while, I don’t have the energy.

[authoratmidnight]

Absolutely baffles me that people think that teachers could have done more to prevent the shitshow that as the end of the Heartbreaker event cause like, no??

Listen, from the POV of every teacher not named Balam or Sullivan, the situation was thusly:

Two new teachers were hired that came highly recommended from a highly trusted and valued source (a high ranking member of Demon Border Patrol who ALSO happens to be related to one of your colleagues, you don’t get much more iron tight than that). They seem eager to teach and get along well with everyone, teachers and students alike (we were given nothing to indicate the former). They do their job fine and the first week goes by w/o incident(there was a gap of one week between Atori and Shiida joining the staff and the Heartbreaker and I’d imagine we’d know if there was an incident).

And then one of them absolutely loses his shit during an exam, nearly kills multiple students before trying to kidnap another and it takes a good chunk of the staff to finally subdue them for questioning.

Like, they literally didn’t know???? They’re not mind readers. All they knew was that one of the new teachers just went crazy out of the blue.

And ok, what about Balam and Sullivan, who did know something was up-Sullivan clearly though something was shady about cause he had Balam meet with them, and Balam that yes they are hiding something and are potentially dangerous. But like.

1) if you think they didn’t have eyes on them at all times you’re nuts. They almost certainly had someone around them all the time. Like, they’re newbie teachers, sus or not OF COURSE they’re gonna have someone around them all the times, they’d be shadowing one of the other teachers and shit.

2) I don’t think anyone would jump right to ‘oh i hired a mass murderer/terrorist’ as why someone might be shady. That’s going to like the worst possible scenario. You’re more likely to think that they had a spotty past/committed some petty crime(s) or something. If they thought they were an active threat to the students they wouldn’t have hired them/let them near them. 

Plus remember they were being questioned by Balam, using his Buzzer ability and the questions about the safety of the students were answered truthfully, so even though they were shady they weren’t targeting the students (which IS true, their goal was basically an elaborate heist, Atori just cracked in the middle of a fight and changed plans, they did NOT enter Babyls with the intention of hurting the kids, they were there to steal shit). So clearly, whatever threat he perceived them as, he didn’t think they were a threat to the students.

3) The Heartbreaker. They weren’t unsupervised-again, there were other teachers around, so they’re not gonna do anything stupid in front of them(at least one would logically think this). And during the times they were alone there were cameras cause it was being broadcast to the rest of the school. So again, seems reasonable to think that they’re not gonna pull anything when they’re being filmed the whole time.

Atori losing his mind and going wild in the middle of a fight was unexpected b/c again, why would anyone expect this to happen?? You wouldn’t. ESPECIALLY Returning to Origins.

Tl;dr, I think the teachers of Babyls actually did fine given the information at their hands and what happened with Atori WAS a freak incident one could not have predicted.

[polarisbibliotheque]

Updating by writing you guys this huge post. I mean it, it's really long xD

Heeey-ho!

I know, I know, I couldn't keep my Halloween promise T-T

Tha Halloween gods are now shouting at me "HOW COULD YOU?!"

Die Halloween gods, slowly coming after me - black and white edition

As it has happened before, I'll be posting both Dante and Vergil's part during november. I'm still working on them, so it might take a while. Do apologise.

They will be here, just with a little delay. I do think Halloween should last more than just a few days, so screw it, until Christmas, it's still legal to celebrate Halloween at the Bibliothéque \o/

Now, now, for those who don't like too much talking, I'll be explaining a little bit below why I'm taking so long. Feel free to skip it if you don't want to read it, no worries ;)

(There's a "conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel" in pink down there if you want to scroll down to that point!)

As *not* expected, my health took a crazy downturn. I know I say it all the time, but hell, I've no idea what gives this time. I literally stopped everything. I spend most of the day in pain and the rest of it sleeping. That's it.

I have an appointment with my doctor next week, but I'm not too much hopeful. Last exams showed I have two ulcers - which means scarring and bleeding in the stomach - that can be literally anything.

Not gonna lie, I'm pretty worried it can be something worse than I was expecting, although it never even appeared to exist before, but well... My anxiety isn't exactly logic.

Secondly, as you guys might not know, I'm graduated in Law, worked as a lawyer for 5+ years before having a burnout and all those health issues (yeah, yeah, don't do what I've done, all that sort of thing). But something you don't know, and honestly probably only my close family knows and cares about, is that my graduation thesis was "The Conflict of Israel x Palestine and International Law".

I researched it for 3 years before defending my thesis, got a college prize for it, the professor who mentored me made a huge speech on how I proved "we women can do it on academia and research" and that my work was really nice. I'm not saying all this 'cause I'm boasting, I'm just saying I know what I'm talking about (because you know, who has never met a man who thinks their opinion is better than yours "just because" while you have a fucking huge CV on research and graduated with honors on the same matter but, somehow, you can't beat the opinion he just pulls out of his ass?).

All of this to say, I'm devastated by what's going on. This is more than politics to me. This was my thing, you know? I had a dream, stupid ~promising young woman~ dream of doing something with my intelligence to actually help people. To actually stop massacres of happening. I wanted to work at the UN, I wanted to speak with world leaders, to show people how much I can research and how much basic human rights matter so horrid things cannot happen ever again.

When the war broke and the bombings started, I followed the news. And then the news weren't reliable anymore. I started digging to find the truth - and hells, the truth is ugly and bloody. I think that's when all those last shards of dreams came crashing down. I thought I could do something, you know? Actually do something. But in the end, my parents were broke, I had to work to help at home, I kept sending my CV to the UN but I was never enough, and I just wasted my energy and health under the boots of someone who had more power and influence than me to break me and kill my career before it even started.

I felt so horribly powerless. So horribly broken. It seems stupid, but everything that is going on out there fells personal to me, I have history with it. And it broke me. Completely. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't force myself to at least watch the horrible things going on and try to like/share so the algorithm can make it reach other people.

That's all I can do.

You know, I have a lot of Vergil in me. For the things I wrote, I think you all can see I have a thing of "I never want to feel pain again and I want power so no one can never hurt me again" - that's why I think I want to kick his ass every time I see this fucking man being so emotionally constipated and ruthless because of his trauma. It's a way to protect himself, burning every path so he never feels powerless again - and I guess we all HATE to see the parts of our own personalities we hate the most in someone elese

So yeah. I know things took a dark turn on this one, but I decided to be honest with you guys - since I'm owing so many updates: the 2 Halloween fics, Nemesis and Survivor's Blood. I'm not really well currently, and only the gods know how much effort I'm making to keep it together... At least a little bit.

Physically, I'm like V. And I'm not even trying to be funny, every time I see that lil' goth twink I want to yeet him away because, hell, I'm MAD I see myself in him (mind you, I used to be more on Dante's side of the fitness spectre xD) - and not only regarding fitness, but tiredness. Falling apart. It's so... Harrowing. I think that's the word that fits the feeling better.

Mentally, I'm Vergil. I don't want to, I want to beat him with a stick, I want to yell at his face and kick his stupid ass, but damn. I get it. That crippling fear of not wanting to feel powerless again, to have people abuse you? The feeling you're trapped in your own body? The "feelings bring only pain and suffering"? The terrifying dread of discovering you failed at everything even with all your talents and never wanting to admit it? Check all of those. I hate you Vergil, but I get you.

I'm trying, though. I use writing as a coping mechanism and as a way to resolve many things mentally, but the last months have felt SO overwhelming I went back to my paralysed state of not being able to do anything and running away from things that remind me of all THAT.

You guys might be alarmed, but there's no reason to be, though. This is a ~moment~ I'm going through and I just need to sort it all out. I'm starting to get some warning signs of numbness, vivid nightmares of past issues, the paralysis, avoidance - but I've been there before. I just haven't figured out a way to pull myself together and I don't even remember how I did that once, so it might take me some time.

I don't know why, I had some sort of weird ~boost~ while thinking in the shower today, and I might know how to give the small steps to start getting back on track and gaining that momentum I need. This weekend I had to convince my mom to celebrate her birthday 'cause she's my Samwise Gamgee carrying me up Mount Doom and she wasn't in a mood to do so - therefore on monday, I have some things in mind to discuss with her and, hopefully, things will slowly go back to their place.

Conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel hahaha

THAT BEING SAID: I'm really sorry I can't deliver everything I wanted to you, guys. I didn't expect life to get so much more fucked up than it already was, but here we are. I just have to get used to the new pace of things, but it might take a while. My output of writing will be slow, but hey, after I can get out of that paralysis phase, I'll probably be writing more and posting more - 'cause I really, really love this. With all my heart.

(also, if you people see me active on my drawing thing, posting a bunch of things, it's 'cause I'm finally getting to look at all the art I've done but never posted and actually updating it and putting my art blog to some use I haven't in a while - I won't be creating new stuff. All old stuff I procrastinated as HELL and those will be some of my small steps to get out of this rut)

Now, as a last thing, I intend to use a video from a guy I always watch on youtube as some sort of guiding light in these trying times hahahaha but seriously, he has some really sound advice and he is so down to earth. Maybe someone who's going through some fucked up times can use his advice as well and unfuck their life too :)

That's it. I felt like I needed some raw honesty today. Like I said, small steps. This is part of it hahahaha

I hope you guys understand. There's nothing I love more than writing, creating something for people - and all of this, everyone I met here and every single person that uses their time, which is the most precious thing we have, to read something I wrote gives me the greatest gift I can be given. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate you and how much I don't want to disappoint you.

So thank you. I will work slowly and I will need some time to get my shit together, but I'll always be here. I'll update everything I need and won't leave you hanging but you know... It's like Dracula Daily. It starts in April and finishes by the end of the year, taking time to put the letters together.

Aaaaand, if you read Lord of the Rings, the whole adventure takes a year. We are very much conditioned to be given content constantly to keep algorithms happy, but I do have a view that humans (and art for that matter) can't keep up with being content.

Zygmunt Bauman said we live in liquid times, and made the theory that everything is liquid nowadays (for people who like sociology and philosophy, I highly recommend his books, I love him with all my heart), so we're not really used to things that are a little more... Constant. Earthy, perhaps. Slow, stable, never leaving.

I try my best to be like that, not like a liquid, inconstant, fleeting presence. I want the things I do to be part of something that will stay, and I like being someone that stays - and doesn't just flow away because everything has to be fast and ever moving nowadays. The Bibliothéque is to be like that, I think, a place that no matter what, you can come back after ten months and you'll still find me here, drinking some tea and writing stuff. And I'll be happy to see you again, for as much as you can or would like to stay :)

kinda like Dante in his lil' shop :')

That's it. Thank you for reading me mumbling nonsensically in order to tell you I will keep updating my fanfiction, even if at a slow pace HAHAHAHAHAHA

Hope you guys have a fine weekend and a good next week! I'll be always lurking around, but the creation process will be a bit slow.

Will still be here to mumble randomly about DMC and scream random things in the void though :D

*me getting ready to tackle life for the next months, going like "still heeeeeeeeere bitch!!"*

***

And I'd like to add that I searched for "Obi Wan" on GIFs to find some sassy defying mood too add here and one of the first hits was this:

I'll leave you guys on this note 'cause I'm still wheezing about it, it's so friggin' on point I can't EVEN

[hoshi-y]

Christmas Miracle [★]

Summary : Wherein your class played 'Bring me' and was requested to bring your crush

Genre : Fluff

Characters : Yugi Amane

TW : None

A/N : Well, Merry Christmas ya lil stinkers

Bring me

It was finally the schools annual Christmas Party, No more due projects and assignments, no more exams, and no more quizzes, Just a day to enjoy a few weeks of Christmas break.

Your class did all sorts of games, Musical chairs, Paper dance, Stop dance, charades

And the most exciting game

Bring me

Your class didn't wanna stick to a boring bring me where its near you, you literally have to run around just to find it to make it even more exciting, and this specific bring me request was very risky

Everyones laughter died down as they listed to the next and final bring me request. You were doing pretty well as you've filled your extra bag with goods already

But this one was a cash prize, and you wanted to win it to be able to onlone shop

"Shhh everyone quiet now" The class adviser said into the microphone "This is the final bring me request and we're gonna exchange gifts"

All yoir classmates ready themselves and anticipated for your advisers request

"Bring me, Your crush" Sha said excitedly, everyone screamed and groaned, some were hesitant and some backed off

But you? you were very bold and stepped forward "Oh my [L/N] - San are you gonna bring your crush?" Everyone cheered and you nodded as ypu set off tp find him

Everyone was watching outside the classroom as your heart was beating faster than a horse, You knocked on the next class, Class 1-A

Your friend, Yashiro Nene met with you as she greeted you "[F/N]! What can I do for you?" You gulped as you looked back at your class watching and cheering

"WOOAAHHH GO [L/N]"

"Are they really gonna do it?!"

"THATS OUR BABY!!!"

With the shouting and cheering, it caught the attention of the whole class as they stepped outside, even Tsuchigomori sensei, oh boy

"U-um.. Can I.. I mean can Yugi.. kun follow me for a m-minute?" Your heart was beating so fast you couldn't even hear your classmates cheering you on

Tsucigomori saw what was happening and played along "Alright" You tensed up, you were actually hopping he'd decline since they were also doing games lol—

"Yugi! Someone is here to see you" Tsuchigomori called out for Amane, you wanted to hide in a whole and stay there for the rest of your life

He squeezed into the crowd outside the classroom as you came face to face with him. Their theme was Vintage and let me tell you, he looked like an idol.

"Can I help you?" Amane asked with a soft smile as you were weak in the knees

"Can you.. follow me real q-quick?" He nodded as you led him to your class as both sections were heard squealing and cheering "Maann Yugi, didn't know you had fans" A yellow haired boy said as he was recording everything

You brought him to your class adviser as she was very happy "Oh my~ Mind telling him why he is here?" another uproar of cheers was heard as you blushed furiously, You faced him as you took deep breaths

"Sensei.. said, I mean requested to bring our.. crush.." you covered your reddened face

"Funny cause, Tsuchigomori-sensei was also asking the same request to bring our crush, so sensei can I borrow [L/N] - San for awhile?" Amane said with a grin on his face as he slowly held your hand

Its like everyone was watching a free romance series live as they kept on cheering and squealing, even though they weren't you they also had a blush on their facs

Him liking you also shocked you, but you thanked every god out there that you sucked up enough courage to do this. Cause now You and Amane are now in a relationship for 3 months.

It was truly, a Christmas Miracle

This made no sense whatsoever, but its been awhile since I wrote so I'm warming up

[casliveblog]

Custom Toonami Block Week 177 Rundown

The Witch from Mercury: Well it took a while but we’re FINALLY getting into school slice of life shenanigans. Immediately after last time Guel takes back his marriage proposal with a ‘it was just a prank bro’ which is really funny cause I was watching sub last week and this makes sense but in the dub to match the lip flaps they even have him say “I’m serious” before he proposes only to immediately say he’s not serious so I’m kinda not buying it. Meanwhile Suletta fails her umm… mine… dodging… test, because apparently you need a team and they don’t tell you that ahead of time and if you show up without one you just fail, this school’s rules are both too generous and too harsh at the same time. She goes around to try and find the team which you’d think’d be easy given she’s the legally binding ace of the school but yeah corporate politics and racism and honestly a bit of plot shenanigans see her on her own. She even goes to the Earth Kids designated Slifer Red shitty dorm in the otherwise rich kid school and gets kicked out the adorably badass Chuchu and I just kinda love this character instantly, like I’m always down for a pink-haired girl that won’t hesitate to punch me in the face. Turns out Chuchu also failed the exams because of Space Racism (like I fundamentally don’t get Space Racism like I get the point is all racism is kinda stupid and arbitrary but like it’s not like the space people look or act different and moving to space probably only happened like a hundred years ago if that how do you develop a full racism machine in that time like it’s so alien to pardon the pun that I have a hard time getting my head around it) and eventually Suletta realizes her wife was the literal last person on campus she decided to ask and they go to Mio’s room to train and I guess they’re just sharing a room now, like that’s probably not a big deal for girls and shit but these guys are literally engaged I’m half expecting someone to pull them apart and say they’re not allowed to sleep in a room together until they’re married but I guess we got rid of Space Catholicism easier than Space Racism. Anyway Chuchu and Suletta both have to retake the test but Suletta gets her suit vandalized the same way Chuchu did and the weird thing about this school that is otherwise ready to fail everyone at the drop of a hat is you can retake the makeup as much as you want so through the power of shonen determination and Dark Souls runbacks she actually does pretty good doing it blind with Mio’s coaching but ends up breaking down realizing even her slice of life school shenanigans are gonna be filled with hamfisted political bullshit where Mio has to remind her of her dream of founding a school to keep her going. (Just as an aside what use is a Mobile Suit education going to be to founding a school? Like shouldn’t she be going for a teaching degree? Like I guess being a warrior is an all-purpose way to fame and wealth which can go towards school-founding better than being a normal teacher but I’m not quite seeing the career path here) meanwhile Chuchu fucking decks the girls responsible for bullying them both because she knows what it’s like to carry the ideals of people that count on her and seeing it happen to Suletta makes her even more angry than when it happens to her, leading to Suletta getting socked in the crossfire. So because everyone involved with the test got punched in the face they schedule a makeup makeup and now Suletta joins the Slifer Red dorm so she can stop living in sin with Mio and everyone’s friends now.

Inuyasha The Final Act: It’s time for Kanna’s finale and like, the group’s already run off and Kanna has like 90% of Tessaiga’s energy so like she could just leave and have Naraku send another demon to finish off the weakened Inuyasha instead of re-engaging them and risking them stealing it back but she doesn’t seem to be able to call back the Mirror Demon so I guess this is a ‘fight until you die’ technique which is why she hasn’t used it until now and also why any damage on the demon reflects back on her. It’s kind of clever the way the stage Kanna in the backline so the group can’t see her taking the damage at first and think the demon is just healing (also the demon remembers the Red Tessaiga exists, that’s something even Inuyasha seems to forget) so yeah Kanna gets busted up real fast which is weird because in her first appearance her mirror was just like an ultimate shield and it took Kagome fucking with it to kinda end in a draw but then again there’s been like a hundred episodes of powercreep since then so the demon might be her best shot. With all the demonic energy gone from Tessaiga, Inuyasha turns into a full demon but apparently since Tessaiga has enough energy to stay in its normal form that’s enough to let him keep his sanity so he gets all the crazy strength of his demon form with an actual weapon so the best of both worlds really. I kinda like that everyone says Tessaiga in an empty husk at this point and Inuyasha has so much faith in it and it turns out to be its protective barrier that saves him instead of any of the flashy destructive techniques he’s learned over the series like his faith is repaid by his defense being the key to victory. Also they’ve really been playing up how much faith Inuyasha has in Tessaiga lately, like bro has been shouting his confidence and affection for his sword more than Kagome lately and that may cause problems when they get married and he calls Tessaiga’s name in bed. But yeah they basically play Energy Tennis for a bit until Inuyasha does enough damage to Kanna that she can’t keep blocking and he is able to destroy the Mirror Sword and get all the energy back. The gang is kind of not cool with killing a child that’s basically Naraku’s glorified tv even though it’s tactically the right move so they just tell her to go and hope Naraku won’t look for her now that she can’t fight. These guys should know how fucking petty Naraku is by this point as he self-destructs Kanna while shouting about how she doesn’t have a heart or emotions meanwhile she didn’t get close enough to catch them in the blast and gives Kagome a vision of Kikyo’s light still inside the jewel which can still purify Naraku.

Castlevania: So this episode’s a little hard to talk about because it’s what amounts to a series of really cool fight scenes so I’m gonna frontload my weekly Carmilla bitching and then hit the plot beats after that. What frustrates me about the whole Carmilla subplot is that you get the feeling Trevor’s group’s escapade wouldn’t be possible without her interference meaning good doesn’t triump on its own, evil just can’t keep it in its pants long enough to beat good. What I liked about Carmilla when she first showed up is she seemed to be the only one taking the heroes seriously but it turns out that was coincidental and they succeed purely passed on her not acknowledging them as players at all and thinking Dracula would just kinda die on his own I guess after their forces wipe 90% of each other out to make things easy for Trevor. Anyway the group raids the great hall and has some really cool fights with like the five people left alive after Carmilla’s raid were Alucard does his best impression of Great Grey Wolf Sif and it’s pretty neat all around. Isaac sees the three coming and is ready to die being the first line of defense but Dracula sends him away to grant him his freedom for his loyalty. And to be fair, Isaac’s strong and all but I don’t really think he’d be a huge difference maker for this fight especially considering Trevor and Sypha end up sitting a good portion of it out anyway. Now granted Dracula is old and tired at this point and hasn’t eaten in like a year but it still takes a lot of hits from all three of them to wear him down until Trevor and Sypha get lost chasing them through the Magma Hole where this essentially stops being a fight and becomes that gif of the two Pikachus slapping each other and crying. Alucard says he knows Dracula just wants to die and his thirst for vengeance may be real but at the same time he’s literally just making himself the biggest target in the world and weakening himself as much as possible so someone can come finish him off. They fight some more until they break into Alucard’s childhood bedroom and the realization dawns on Dracula that he’s killing the last living thing he has left of his wife in her name, like literally a microcosm of the entire war on humanity thing, probably should’ve dawned on him sooner but they do a pretty good job on showing how it was a singularly sharp moment that pierces through the fog of rage and grief, like this shit was obvious to Alucard from the jump but Dracula seems to be the kind of person that relates better to singular people than broad ideals, kind of an Anakin Skywalker deal where he’ll get a better grasp of something if he sees someone embody it and be more attached to the individual than the actual core of what they are doing. So yeah, he lets Alucard stake him with his childhood bedpost and in true Dio-style fashion they still have to behead and burn his remains just to make sure because this is Castlevania and Dracula always comes back. But yeah, story over… except we’re only eleven episodes in and there’s twenty to go, that sounds like a lot…

Jujutsu Kaisen: Okay so this episode is kind of just really great, as expected of the final showdown between Mahito and Yuji with some Todo thrown in for flavor. Mahito creates some glass cannon clones to distract Todo to get to a 1v1 with Yuji but it doesn’t really go anywhere since they have 1HP. He does the thing Gojo did and activates his Domain and basically immediately turns it off, essentially just booping Sukuna’s nose before running off before he gets his head cut off. Since he basically activated it and pulled the trigger on the technique at the same time this costs Todo his arm but he does give Mahito an awesome Love Live style beatdown and uses Mahito’s hand as a second hand to clap to dip out and let Yuji and Mahito finally have their last encounter. In true DBZ fashion Mahito transforms into his final form which as usual is some weird alien thing with a tail and he’s officially out of tricks so he’s just in full punchy punch mode, no more being clever just a huge slugfest. The funny thing is a combination of one last Todo assist and Yuji’s original lag technique is what opens him up for a Full Power Black Fisting, I thought about it and I don’t remember if Mahito ever encountered Yuji’s double strike before so his original ‘inferior’ technique being what catches him off-guard here is kinda ironic. Yuji has him dead to rights and is just like ‘You know I’ve had it with all your moralizing bullshit, sure I’m the asshole whatever you fucking philosophy major, but only one of us is walking away from this alive’ and it’s REALLY cool cause they just keep dragging out how humiliating this defeat is for Mahito and what a cowardly child he is when he doesn’t have an advantage on someone and he really deserves it at this point, just missing a scene where he pisses himself. Anyway Kenjaku shows up but I have a feeling Mahito’s not getting out of this and since Kenjaku’s here that means Gojo’s hypercube is still around probably so we’ll see how this goes.

Delicious in Dungeon: So we follow a B party for a little bit here before they get ambushed by treasure bugs and one thing kinda stands out to me. They say the dungeon’s basically been picked clean of treasure at this point and like… why go in it then? Like I assumed there was a bunch of respawning treasure that drove people to go through hell like with Made in Abyss where there’s random cool shit everywhere that makes it worth going into but dungeoneering is canonically an expensive hobby so if there’s scant reward to cover the overhead why is it so popular? Like I get the whole One Piece angle of if you get to the bottom you win the game and get vaguely defined ownership of the dungeon but most people seem to not take that seriously and dungeon the higher floors for some other purpose but like how are they affording all this shit if they can’t find treasure? Anyway the gang ends up cooking the bugs which is probably the grossest thing we’ve seen so far since not only are they bugs but they also look like inanimate objects so it’s double icky but a neat concept nonetheless. We also get a nice bit of continuity as Laios’s sword bug guy gives him a sixth sense about ambush bugs and we get to see him interacting with it like a per which is pretty cute. Next the gang is reminiscing about Falin and emphasizing the hole she’s left in their party while they’re ambushed by ghosts without a cleric. They make up some makeshift holy water and drive them off while simultaneously accidentally making ice cream and resolving to not let Falin’s absence make them helpless before Laios lets the intrusive thoughts win and everyone hates him for a hot minute.

Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End: We get the cleanup from the Aura arc, including the reveal that the Graf’s son was one of the suits of armor being controlled by Aura so Frieren REALLY got on his good side by setting his son’s soul free. The group stay a while in town and get to relax a bit before heading out. Turns out though they are legally required to have the mage equivalent of eight gym badges before going further north and Fern only has like three gym badges and Frieren is the kind of person that would let her driver’s liscence expire and then keep driving anyway because who’s gonna tell her not to, she’s got all the time in the world but still no time for standing in line at the Magical DMV. Meanwhile the second half of the episode is about Stark passing out in a blizzard wherein the meet an Elf Monk who kinda reminds me of Todo due to being jacked as hell and kissing a necklace around his neck. They just casually drop a six month timeskip while they wait out the winter and Frieren talks religion with this guy and it’s kinda melancholy like a lot of stuff in this show. He relies on religion because it’s the only form of everlasting validation he can achieve which is kind of sad to be honest, Frieren echoes the need for external validation but says she’s fine with the impermanence of human praise because of how close to her friends she was getting her through in the end, it’s just kind of a sad note to leave things on but we do establish that Frieren doesn’t entirely believe she’ll be able to talk to dead spirits when they get north and is really just doing this as something to do and is just kinda vibing with whatever quest Flamme is sending her on this time.

Vinland Saga: It’s character growth time for Olmar and god damn is it a good arc, he’s seen firsthand the effects of the war and knows he’s both the trigger of it and a murderer in his own right and is no longer comfortable with the violent ideals of his heritage. When it comes down to him to make a decision about whether to surrender or let their last twenty guys go down fighting he does what his father couldn’t and stands up to his brother, taking the real courage of dishonor after not being able to turn the other cheek before and it’s really neat to see. I like how he’s crying and sniveling the whole way like it’s not a cool and strong declaration he just admits he doesn’t want to die and doesn’t want to watch others die because of his stupid pride, it’s a really genuine moment and shows he’s already a better man than basically his entire family. Throgil basically tells everyone to fuck off and presumably goes to rush the army singlehanded. Meanwhile Thorfinn wants to talk to Canute to make sure no one else dies but gets punched out by the guards and even when Canute gets word of who it is he doesn’t want to see him, presumably out of shame for what he’s done in pursuit of his paradise. Einar comes to pick up Thorfinn but Thorfinn’s not going since he’s happy about all the cool shit that happened this season and grateful for everyone he met and all he’s learned, a stark contrast from the ‘I’ve never once been glad to be alive’ declaration at the start of the season. So he makes a bet with the men that if he can withstand a hundred punches from their strongest guy, they’ll let him see Canute.

[toomanyplotbunnies-sendhelp]

Hello and welcome to Day 16 of "Let's Explore My Plot Bunnies"

Continuing the Crack/Crossover My Hero Academia plot bunnies that I have, today we are talking about a Shaman King Crossover (-ish?).

Title for the fic: "Spiritual Warfare - Quirk Era Edition"

The story starts with the mess that Asakura Hao's successor to the title of Shaman King makes literally a month into his new position.

Said mess leads to the apparition of super-powered humans into the world. At the beginning, the superpowers (or Quirks as they are later known as) aren't that big of a problem. The real problem starts later down the line when Quirks show signs of becoming too powerful for the body of humans, thus ending up with the humans dying in gruesome ways.

The other Shaman Kings from history decide it is time for them to intervene when the creation of Nomu by the one called All For One starts - after all the souls of the people that were sacrificed in creating that abomination have never been fully able to move onto their next life, which causes a problem for the world at large as well.

The Shaman Kings decide that Hao's soul (including Yoh) should be the one(s) to take care of this problem and reduce the full possibility of a calamity for Earth. (And, no, it's not because the Shaman Kings still dislike Hao and want to put him to work as punishment for the headaches they got while he was Shaman King; they are not that petty ... )

As such, Asakura Hao and Asakura Yoh are reborn in the Quirk Era. Asakura Hao is reborn as Midoriya Izuku and maintains his connection to Spirit of Fire - which is very good considering Spirit of Fire can be explained as the combination of his mother and father's Quirks.

Meanwhile, Asakura Yoh is reborn as Bakugou Katsuki, whose parents just happen to be extremely close to Izuku's parents. Which in turn means they grow up as brothers - even more than when they were brothers before.

Being a baby again sucks, but at least all they have to do in this lifetime is just find this All For One and get rid of him for good. (Easier said that done when you are supposed to be a law-abiding citizen, but oh well)

Since being a Pro-Hero is not only a good career but also could make finding AFO easier, Bakugou decides to go for it. And he drags Izuku with him at the U.A. Entrance Exams because Bakugou wants him there as moral support ("Ha! Now that I think about it, you are now the younger one between us."; "I am gonna kill you, Yoh!")

Izuku planned to just sit there... you know, like a statue and not get himself any villain points so he wouldn't have to deal with this situation at all, but it appears that his younger brother's mentality of "Let's protect humans" has rubbed off on him in the last 500 years. So, when the Zero Pointers appear and some children are stuck in between the debries, Izuku helps them. But it's not a big deal. It's not like he will get point for this, right?

... RIGHT?

Fast forward a few weeks later, both Izuku and Bakugou get their letter of admission for U.A. (Izuku will end Bakugou before this whole spiel is over. That he promises.)

Now, both Izuku and Bakugou have to deal with juggling between school work, attacks from the villains, the ever growing problem that is All For One and his bullshit, the too insistent Mr. Yagi, taking care of their classmates and making sure they don't die that fast (who the hell let kids fight in this world? Izuku just wants to talk, nothing more) and their never-ending but ever growing hatred for Hao's successor. Let's hope they make it, I guess?

Some details I wanna ramble about more:

Hao!Izuku was born in the Midoriya family, which is a very distant line of the Asakura family. So, Izuku is still an Asakura.

The shaman community has been on the down low since a lot of them were killed during the time humanity hated everyone who wasn't "normal" and had those "abnormal powers." Because you know, humanity just loves to start purges every other century or so. This only serves to make Izuku (Hao) more angry at humanity. At least this time, Bakugou (Yoh) is also angry.

In this lifetime, Izuku (Hao) is the one who had an arranged marriage. The arranged marriage is a good thing for both Izuku - who doesn't want to deal with gold diggers - and for the girl, Sayaka - who just wants to be a person in her own right and not just a trophy wife for someone else's family. Bakugou (Yoh) is the happy uncle who fears the gremlins that these two will give birth to.

Izuku (Hao) chooses to have "Hao" as his Pro-Hero name; while Bakugou (Yoh) is still undecided on that.

After they end up in UA, it becomes apparent that they are not the only ones to have been reborn in this world; (me and my friend @yokomisaki brainstormed who would be who in this AU and this is all we have so far) => Eri is Opacho; Todoroko Natsuo is Horohoro; Himiko is Anna (and she is not a villain in this one); Todoroki Touya is Faust (Double Spy ftw?) and Eliza is Hawks; Lyserg is Detective Tsuauchi Naomasa; Tao Ren is Monoma; Manta is Melissa Shield; Ryunosuke is either Snipe or Present Mic (still undecided);

Izuku (Hao) ends up adopting Class 1-A to his own horror and to Bakugou's (Yoh's) amusement.

Izuku (Hao) is also very much done with humanity as a whole. He is losing braincells the more he stays here, he can swear that on his soul.

Bakugo (Yoh) is able to sleep through an explosion created by a villain attack - this was confirmed by Izuku, who did, in fact, witness this happening.

Izuku (Hao) took a look at Endeavor's fire once and proclaimed that a fireplace is more effective than him. Todoroki Shoto may or may not have heard that one.

I can totally see Touya (Faust) flirting with Hawks (Eliza) while other heroes are presents. He does that mostly because he thinks it's fun (Hawks also blushes a lot) and because he likes being a little shit around these "heroes".

And this is about it for this crack fic.

Honestly, while I was talking to Yoko and deciding who is who in this AU, my brain just went over Naomasa as a potential character for Lyserg. But when it hit me, I was like: "Doesn't Lyserg hate lies/liars? Did we just make him a lie detector?" And then we proceeded to laugh over the irony of this.

Either way, I hope you had fun reading my rambling. Have a great day/night, and take care of yourselves!

See you tomorrow,

-TooManyPlotBunnies-Send Help

(Same here, Yoh, same here)

[baby-yongbok]

Hey sweetheart❤️ How are you? Did you eat and hydrate today? How was your day?

Let me tell you what happened, so the power came back by the time was 3 in the morning and I literally passed out in my bed cause I was tired of studying the whole day, and today was a rush with more study and assignments cause I have the first exam on next monday

But besides the chaos that was yesterday I'm doing good, gonna get better as soon as the exams end but so far it's everything going well

But tell me about you baby, I wanna know cause yesterday I didn't have enough time with you🥺❤️

Hey there, sunshine! ☀️❣️I'm happy to hear from you again and I'm glad your power is back! I'm taking care of myself. I'm sick (with God knows what) but I'm alright. Everyone in my house is sick so that's been interesting. But I'm drinking tons of water and tea to get better.

You sound like you're studying way more than I ever have 😭 you're so gonna pass everything, I can feel it in my bones, you've got this and you're doing amazing. Just make sure to keep your energy up by resting and eating and hydrating and you've got it 🥰

I've been trying to adult lately and it's been exhausting. I need to see a ton of specialists and I have a procedure in 2 weeks that I'm terrified to have. My anxiety is through the roof lately so I'm gonna pour myself back into writing for a while even though the seizures make it hard. It'll all work out! Everything will be great and then I can focus on Christmas shopping because it's my favorite thing in the entire world lol. Okay, I'm rambling, but I can't help it when I talk to you ♡

[ryugujitr]

Goodmorning or afternoon, evening or g'night.

In this week's bulletin of "What the actual FUCK", we will discuss;

FUCK MORNINGS

'Photoshop? Nope, but I'mma teach u anyway'

Laughing at drama queens is 🤡bad🤡

Feminism vs Opinions

I ain't yo ma'

FYCK MORNING CLASSES- COMMUTING ISNT AS PAINFUL AS WAKING UP 3 HOURS B4 CLASS AND REALISING HOW ILL BE WASTING TIME IN CLASS BC THE WOMAN DOesn'T KNOW SHIT SINCE SHE SPECIALISES IN PRINT. But you know what- you can't say anything bc respect your lecturers and also set THE STACKS OF MONEY U HAVE TO PAY FOR TUITION FEE ON FIRE.

This OWMAN. OH MY GOD THIS WOMAN. SHE IS PISSY AND DEFENSIVE FOR THE SLIGHTEST OF THINGS. GIRL- YA DONT KNOW HOW TO USE PHOTOSHOP OR ANY OTHER ADOBE SOFTWARE-

🤡QUIT.THE.COURSE 🤡

But noooooOoOOo WE MEET HER 6 TIMES A WEEK AND EVERY CLASS IS FUCKING CHAOS- BRUH. And These little devils think distracting her is fun- like EXCUSE ME HAHAHAHAHAHAH- THE FUCK WILL U WRITE IN YOUR EXAMS@??????????????? SOME OF US ACTUALLY WANT THIS DEGREE SO WE CAN WORK , NOT RELY ON A MAN FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

OH OH AND THEN- while the chaos is at full blast this girl is just; 'LeT heR sPeaK atleast LISTEN TO MISS FIRST'

And

This hoe- had been distracting and barfing out useless comments since the class started- says 'So *snifFs* we CanT evEn aSk questioNs *forces a fake sob* 🤡🥲

SO WHY WOULD U NOT LAUGH? AND I WAS JUST: PFFT and

the lecturer is just: WHY ARE U LAUGHING AT HER

Like bruh...she is lying. I am laughing at her AUDACITY OF DERAILING THE CLASS AND PRETENDING TO ACT LIKE SHE CARES AND YOUR STUPIDITY. But kay I guess ....

So TURNS OUT IN THIS CENTURY AND DAY-

Someone comes up to me and asks "Are you a feminist?"

And your boi was literally looking for her STUDENT ID SHE LOST AGAIN, n i was like "Why."

"because you're so confident and strong headed- im glad to see young women who are opinionated enough to take a stand even if they are in the wrong."

Mind you, if my hand wasn't in my bag it would've been down that bitch's throat. AND she is younger than me too and HAD NEVER CONVERSED WITH ME BEFORE, EVER. EVEN IF IM WRONG? THE DEBATE WASNT EVEN A DEBATE I WAS ASKED ABOUT MY OPINION N I GAVE IT TO THE LECTURER WHO AGREED EITH ME AND IT HIT ME-

To this day, a WOMAN'S OPINION- only shows she's a FEMINIST- bc an opinion is something ONLY A MAN CAN HOLD. Since, you know...FEMALES aren't humans .....

Finally, we planned on complaining about the lecturer's LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT OUR DEGREE YET HER AUDACITY TO TEACH. SO- I was like, I ain't complaining cause ya'll gonna back out.

HIGHKEY- TRU BC THE COMPLAINT LINGERED ON FOR 2 WEEKS N MOST OF tHESE HOES DIPPED.

And yesterday, as I walked out of The cafeteria after discovering INFLATION IS A BITCH- this random girl comes to me and is just:

🤡- Hey bestie what happened for the complaint?

🫥: Idk

🤡- GoD yOu're so Usless you Have ONE JOB, AREN'T yOu lIke onE of ThoSe smaRt Kids?

🫥: smart I am, your mother, I am not.

If i could, i would've socked her in the face too, but their were too many witnesses.😏🧐

💗❣️So, that concludes our second week's therapy session.❣️💗

BUT PLEASE TELL ME, HOW YOU DOIN? HOW WAS UR WEEK? GOT ANY NEWS ABOUT LITERALLY ANYTHING - I'LL TAKE IT.❣️💗

(i had to put readmore so ppl wouldnt have to scroll endlessly)

MISS GURL - WHAT IN THE FRIENDS’ NAME IS YOUR circus COLLEGE DOIN?

6 TIMES A DAMN WEEK? I WOULDNT EVEN BE ABLE TO STAND TWO- LIKE AM I MISSIN SOME SHIT HERE OR???

nah cuz that stanky ass bitch asked u “WhY aRe YoU lAuGhIng” i wouldve sent a chair flying in her face bc girl nobody paid your dumbass to be here, it aint nobody’s fault but yours that you got stuck teachin shit you dont even know about like nobody did that for you but yourself

ALSO - WHOS THE HOE THAT SAID YOU’RE USELESS FOR NOT DOIN THE JOB SHE KEPT COMPLAININ ABOUT? also legitimately what the actual fuck was that person thinking when asking if you’re a feminist…….. why.

perhaps the kugelblitz or general apocalypse would have been a good idea here. some people just make this world a terrible place, as IF WE DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH ALREADY FOR FUCKS SAKE YKNOW??? TOTALLY NOT MHMMM

And thank you for stopping by and checking up bestie, i am also having a rather horrific start of my last year of this bullshit jungle circus school.

first of all; EVERYONE IS ATTACKING US FROM EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN DIRECTION ABOUT TESTS, STUDYING AND CHOOSING WHICH HIGH SCHOOL TO GO TO (as if last year wasnt fuckin plenty enough of stress), TEN TIMES WORSE BECAUSE ITS OUR LAST YEAR AND “we’re mature, we’re older, we should be smarter and wiser”………. RIGHT.

second of all - we miraculously have a new student in our shitty class (GIRLIE YOU COULDVE PICKED ANY OTHER FUCKIN CLASS, WHY THIS ONE FILLED WITH IDIOTS???) which is weird, not in a rude way but like…… transferring last year to another school seems more stressful than trying to find a needle in a haystack within one hour, considering 1. you dont know anyone or anything here now 2. you barely have friends and 3. the grading system is entirely diff and fucked way more than your past school so idk how this girl is going to make it but im gonna try look out for her from the shadows and help when i can.

third of all - WE DONT HAVE A SINGLE BREAK EXCEPT FOR WHEN YOU HAVE A RELIGION RELATED HOLIDAY (i have one in october - A SINGLE DAY) AND A SINGLE LITTLE SAD FUCKIN FRIDAY UNTIL THE 30TH OF DECEMBER. WHO MAKES IT OUT ALIVE UNTIL THEN IS A FUCKIN PSYCHOPATH BECAUSE I SURE AINT, WHO TF IS MENTALLY STABLE ENOUGH TO BE COMFORTABLE FOR THIS SHIT AINT NO FUCKIN WAY THATS ME

fourth of all, the teachers are twats- worse than ever before. they’re harassing us from every direction because its our last year, we have to behave, we have to study, keep in line - BUT LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, IM NOT DOING THAT. THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE DARES SPEAK TO ME IN A WAY I DONT LIKE IM SOCKING THEM IN THE FACE, DRAGGING THEM OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL BY THEIR WIG AND BANGING THEIR HEAD AGAINST THE RAILS UNTIL THEY GET A. CONCUSSION. IM NOT HAVING IT.

fifth of all - i was extremely close to getting into a fight and beating the shit out of a girl (lets call her B for Bitch) from my class. im gonna make one thing clear - i hate liars, despise them to the core. i hung out with B and a couple other two girls at lunch and she began literally speedwalking when one of those two girls told me that B asked her why im hanging out with them randomly. i immediately yelled at her dumbass to stop running from her problems and turn around cuz im not a kindergarten teacher, she stopped in her tracks and i told her if she was so bothered by me she should tell me instead of being a coward and talking shit behind my back. she got extremely uncomfortable and didnt dare even look me in the eye for the rest of the day and tbh she should be glad she didnt.

as expected, im definitely not gonna be anything like allison or klaus this year - i’ll be going on a yelling and beating spree from how annoyed people already get me here. my class absolutely didnt change for the better, when they all grow up im betting my left eye they’ll be living a sad life in this country fr.

anyway, ur homegirl will be alone at lunch in the bathroom listening to tua music and probably scrolling thru media bc whats better than learning tua footloose dance in the school bathrooms 💀💀💀

overall you and i both are gonna have a tough year it seems, i’ll always be here for therapy sessions tho dearest 😭😭🖤🖤🖤

[berryunho]

I’m back and I’m already scared for the next chapter like ohhhhhh I think I gotta strap in or else I’ll be flung into the next universe GUYGGFYI

Are we finally gonna get the smutty scene? Is Mingi finally going to apologize? Is Jongho finally going to murder us in a rage? Is San and y/n gonna finally ****? 😳 We never know but EEK IM ALWAYS SO EXCITED FOR A NEW CHAPTER BGFYTJ

Thankfully the hurricane didn’t hit me so I’m ok yay! Except I possibly got monkeypox as soon as I got home???? 😀 I’m screaming cause I literally can’t keep skipping my classes so I really hope it isn’t and that my dog got fleas on my bed instead (wouldn’t be the first time) 😭

BUT YEAH LMAO SORRY TO DISAPPOINT BUT IM NOT SMART ENOUGH FOR SCIENCES LMAO YOU AND MIGHTYCHONDRIA ARE REAL GS FOR TAKING SCIENCES 😭💖💖

I hope classes are treating you well though! And have a great week 🥰

- Love, 🍓 anon

hehe heyyyy

LKASDJDFLSKJ yeah ... like lowkey so much goes down in this next ch without ... a lot of it actually going down if that makes sense like . some things are . set into motion . but other things do happen . . .... .. . and that's what i'll say 😋

but omg thats a relief to hear !! i'm glad you got out okay but ... ???!?!?! i never thought i'd wish for someone to have fleas but hopefully it's just fleas LKJFLSD:JFK 😭😭 definitely keep me updated LOL

KALKDFJSLDKF no its not a disappointment i was litcherally scared you'd be mad with my assessment if you were in stem though LMAO fr my hat off to you for being interested in liberal arts bc fr like... i like to write but ... everything else ... not for me !

hehe ty ! my classes are going ... quite okay ... i have another chem exam this week and im not excited :']] but everything else is good ! i hope yours are nice as well !! <3 <3 <3

[1d1195]

🎀-anon

So, how was your pedicure? What color did you choose? (If you did ask for manicure too)

You deserve all the cute stuff in the world😭🎀 I got up from a very long nap. My head is hurting, but that's fine. I'll take some painkillers, but anyway, so..oh! Yes! I have a lot of exams rn uni is very stressful and I'm only a sophomore😭 but I do care about every class cause I have a lot of dreams and I will hopefully achieve them one day. Btw I'm studying English literature and translation (Arabic - English). I'm an Arab!

Yk, sometimes I feel like I'm the mom in my group of friends, too but getting to know more people i learned that my bff is the mom shes always telling ppl off when they are being rude go me like the other day a colleague of ours was like twlling me that "i dont know anything about Hamlet" like literally 5 minutes before the exam (was she expecting me to help her cheat?)😭😭 so my friend was like oh and what should we do? She's so awesome.🎀

So my exams today went well, pretty well. I don't know why I stress sm when I do well, but I'm thankful. I STILL HAVE 3 OTHER 😭 I literally hate this lifestyle but I'm just a girl yk?

So my ex friend.. well she was toxic from the beginning but I don't know why I kept her I just think she wasn't as bad? Like well she is a bit of a pick me (I'm not trying to talk bad about her I swear I just can't find a suitable description other than that) so when the doctors started acknowledging me in classes she came up to me and started making conversations. So I noticed that she was toxic when she was convincing me to give her answers and when she took my notes without even asking and always, always turning the tables. I swear to God it took me a year and a half to make the decision of cutting her off. Even the prof who I was doing the presentation for and stopped her from ruining it noticed and she talked to me asking me what happened and that she always saw us together, but I didn't want to talk bad about her I just said that I think we're better now and that I don't want to get back to that state again (overthinking if I am the one who's being a lot and not respecting the other person's feelings) but to be honest the breaking point was when she said that I'm trying to show myself off in the presentations we did together I was deeply hurt and the next week she and her circle (one of them being the first girl I knew in campus) but they all sent me looks without talking to me I was with my other group of friends like usual and when I talked to my other friend, mutual friend, she said that the ex friend talked about me with all of them and told them that "I changed and I don't hang out with them anymore and that I am a lot of other stuff" so I decided to stand for myself and now I don't even care about her she's just being rude for no reason (idk why my haters are increasing by time😭 they're just being rude but when I don't act as kind as I did back as a freshman they just hate on me but I don't care that's how we should be right?)

So yeah.. that's the whole story💕💕💕

I STILL HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS GUY WHO ACTS LIKE THE WICKED STEP MOTHER😭😭😭 HE'S AN ASSHOLE ALWAYS TRYING TO HARASS ME AND SOMETIMES MY FRIENDS I HATE HIM OHHH THATS GONNA BE A LONG ONE TELL ME IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT?😭

My pedicure was good! I picked like this light blue sparkly color. I'm a little bummed it smudged a little (I did a regular pedicure not gel).

I'm sorry about the headache I hope it's gone away since you messaged! As always, I'm so in awe of anyone that can speak two languages. I can barely speak English and it's the only language I know 😭 It sounds like your bff is the best! I love that for you! THREE MORE EXAMS?! You are a trooper.

As for your toxic ex-friend: the very first thing you said? You're not sure why you kept her around? I don't want to put words in your mouth (nor compare yourself to me, I know we're still getting to know each other). I for one have kept a lot of people in my life who I probably shouldn't have for much longer than they needed to be. I tend to naively see the best in everyone even if it's harmful to myself. Unfortunately, I'm wrong a lot. But on some level they WERE your friend, right? Like you did things together, had stuff in common, for better or for worse there was a connection and I don't think that's something that just happens and it's hard to just ignore that connection past it's prime if you will.

I'm glad you stood up for yourself, that's something I definitely DO NOT do. I'm glad you have a good friend group to support you and that you're pulling away from your ex-friend. It's natural to grow apart from friends that no longer help you be the best version of yourself so I'm glad you have a group of friends that are kind and lovely towards you 💕

You can tell me all the tea of whoever you want! Bring on the wicked step mother! 😈

xoxo

[jamespottersdaisy]

hello my girl, me again

how is your day going? I hope you're slaying as the queen that you are

I came back from my trip on Friday and I've been very busy cause i have three exams this week and one is physics so I'm procrastinating. also, I'm probably going to be a little mia cause from now on I have exams every week till may, when I finish and I have to study on my own for the university entry exam in june. but I wanted to update you a little bit

I have not read the caraval series nor once upon a broken heart, I have a friend who has but she didn't like them very much. nevertheless I do want to read them but I have some books on my tbr that I got for my birthday and Christmas that I haven't been able to read yet.

and no I have not heard of that brazilian soup opera, but thanks to where I'm from, I can pretty much understand portuguese which I think it's really cool although I think portuguese to be a very dramatic language which I cannot take serious

okay so now the tea, do you remember the boy who learnt lover on the drums? (I'm gonna refer to him as lover boy, a bit cheesy but suits him fine). so I've come to terms with my feelings and I do like him. a lot, when I'm with him I feel really at peace and he's so handsome and nice and such a good person.

but the funny part isn't that, remember the other guy, well I feel so stupid for trusting him. there were some things that I didn't like and they kept accumulating but the icing on the cake was that he referred to me to his friends (loverboy is in his group of friends and he told me cause he got mad too) in a disrespectful way that I told him countless times I do not enjoy.

so now I just feel dumb for trusting him and holding him in such high esteem. and I don't know if I should compare them, but with loverboy I've never felt a moment of doubt whether I was being a burden or if he would like me to shut up. i didn't really feel shame for the way I am cause sometimes I just start rambling and people look at me weird, but for some reason he likes it when I ramble.

and he doesn't hate taylor swift he lets me explain him all the things and is willing to see the eras tour with me because he said that if I'm happy he's happy. and like this there are a lot of other silly little things that make me spin on the ground giggling kicking my feet

TAYLOR SWIFT IS RELEASING A NEW ALBUM WHAT? LIKE LITERALLY WHAT I WOKE UP TODAY HALF ASLEEP THINKING OF HOW WAS I GOING TO MANAGE TO STUDY PHYSICS IN ONE DAY, I SAW THAT AND I STARTED SCREAMING AND MY MOTHER ASKED ME WHAT HAPPENED. SINCE THEN I HAVE NOT FELT A MOMENT OF SLEEPINESS

sending you lots of kisses and hugs and hoping that summer comes soon so we can talk more often <333

-🌕

hey my baby!!! happy valentine's day💘💘 how did it go?

it's probably late, but i hope you did well on the exams!!!! i know it's a busy time for ya

i actually finished all!! and i absolutely loved them i wish i could read them for the first time again😭

LOVER BOY HAD ME GIGGLING!!!! TELL ME MORE!!! I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HAPPY BABY. and screw the other one tbh he had that vibe anyways

NEW ALBUM IS 10 DAYS AFTER MY BD!!! AND THE ANNIVERSARY OF THIS ACCOUNT!!! I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE MY ALBUM!!!

i miss you and i love you babe

[cuntspunsgunsfuns]

manifestation works

and here's what happened to me; my dream job, my final exams, money, make up, clothes i wanted, relationships, basically everything that i ever asked for and manifested, came to me. no bullshit.

i graduated last week, and there's (im not exactly sure if its called the SAT's) your final exams you have to take all of them when you're about to graduate and stuff. so mind you, in january i signed up for it, back then i had trouble with school learning and stuff, so i was pretty CONFIDENT that i signed up for nothing and i was gonna fail. and i wanted to study real bad, but i never did. so before the SATs i wanted to get a job like real bad after i was finished with school, and i was not close to getting one. and i was so lost, i felt like my life was over and i was so insecure about stuff, so i pretty much gave up trying. i was scrolling through tik tok and i found a video that was talking about how SUBLIMINALS work and that people are actually getting crazy results from listening to subliminals and stuff. i was desperate, and very much worn out but i still gave it a try, cause like it wont hurt and this stuff is really interesting to me. every morning before going to school, i sat In front of the mirror doing my make up and listening to a subliminal that was focused on like, getting my dream job. and i was getting ready and just imaging myself getting that call from the boss or some shit, and getting ready for work like it was all in my head.

deadass, i get a phone call saying that they were so interested by my application and they would like to offer me an internship just to see if i like it, if its something that its meant for me, if they'll see that i am capable of working here, and stuff.

guys, im gonna start working in september, and they pay me 2x more than what i thought they would.

i will always be thankful to myself for being patient and actually never losing hope, because sometimes it took too long for them to reach out to me, but in the end i got it.

i had three final exams left. and these were the most, intense, like the ones that count the most. and you cannot fuck up any of these exams because they are literally, the most important of all the exams you've done so far. i was not prepared, i didnt open a book to like at least try or something. i was walking in these exams confident about everything, like i know what im doing, i didnt learn shit but im here for it and im gonna pass it.

i had doubts but each time my mom asked me howd it go id tell her that i aced it and nothing to worry about. so math is the final exam, and its tomorrow, and im procrastinating each time, i tell myself ill study later but it ended up being 9pm and i was literally on PRIME VIDEO.

i go on yt, search a short video explaining hard math, dont understand one thing. so im like, why should i do this when i can just listen to a subliminal?? LOL. I LISTENED TO A SUBLIMINAL FOR 2 MINUTES. AND IT WORKED.

i dont wanna go into full detail but im writing this to remind myself how i did all of that. i always thought that i was crazy, because i could not understand, why, or how, each time i think about something it comes to me. i thought i was losing my mind lol. i think about a song that i havent heard in a loooong time or a shirt i havent seen for a long time and they just pop up. right in my eyes. in the same day in the same hour.

my subconscious mind is so powerful and i swear u cannot convince me otherwise. its helping me. and every thought just comes like it sounds super crazy but its so real and its amazing.

so thats why u should visualize, think about what u want, who u want to become and that will come to you. your subconscious mind is already getting it. because your thoughts already exist, your desires are yours and you just have to let them come through.

each time you talk bad, or bad mouth, talk shit about someone your subconscious mind records it and basically places that effect on you. like who you are, that negativity doesn't flow to that person, it comes to you. so whenever you open your mouth and say something hateful its only backfiring.

the same is with your thoughts. whenever you sit there and worry and just constantly doubt yourself, hate yourself, hate the future and think about how horrible its gonna turn out or ur not enough, thats exactly whats gonna happen.

u can control it. you can be it