#and I want to express myself that way authentically

[askladarmin]

.

[callingcxrd]

I know people mean well and this is something I don't blame them for but I am getting so tired of hearing that Oh, your struggles make you special! Thinking differently means you'll change the world! Like maybe I don't want to be some miraculous idolised Other any more than I would want to be some demonised freak to you all maybe I just want actually understood

[drchucktingle]

Chuck, how do you deal with people who are rude about you and your work? I write queer romance and I want to put my writing out there for people to read, but I'm a very sensitive person and I know it will be hard not to take insults personally and let them affect me. I don't want to let that stop me from expressing myself and sharing my art, but I'm scared!

very good question buckaroo. i am a good example of this as pretty much EVERYONE was rude about my work for many years calling it 'so bad its good' (it is just good) and 'terrible photoshop' (i think it has a great and instantly recognizable style) and 'intentionally stupid premises' (i dont think there is anything stupid about sex being fun and whimsical and playful). even these days the reaction of the VAST majority of buckaroos who discover chuck have this reaction AT FIRST, and then learn to appreciate the tingleverse in a more sincere way over time.

all that is to say BEING DOUBTED HAS WORKED OUT VERY WELL FOR ME. art that changes meaning over time can be very powerful, so if someones initial reaction to my trot is one thing and then it evolves into another thing, well that is just good art. while it can feel bad to get a bad review, i would say a bad review just means you have entered a realm of tension and change and discord and WE ARE TALKIN ABOUT ART BUD so that, in itself, is very exciting.

i think of what i do as 'punk writing', and a big part of that means pushing against preconceived sensibilities. not many other authors will proudly say 'there SHOULD be some spelling errors in my erotic shorts because i wrote it in a day and edited it once. that is the FEELING i want to create', but that is my way. by creating what is in my soul i KNOW i am going to bother some buckaroos and that is okay.

now i am NOT assuming you are also doing punk writing (that is okay of course we all have our own styles. what i am doing with tinglers is pretty rare), but it still stands to remember that there are 7.8 billion people on the planet of this dang timeline and some of them are bound to be bothered by your creations. that is not a problem, that is just part of baring your authentic self.

the other thing to remember is theres no REAL right or wrong in art. it can be analyzed in different ways and i tend to look at it in a way of comparing intention to result, but even THAT is not strictly correct. therefore any bad review of something you make is not actually BAD it is just someones information and feedback for you to take or leave. a one star review is just another opinion, it is no more right or wrong than your own opinion, and that is wonderful. it is freeing.

if i see a bad review of my own book, lets just say CAMP DAMASCUS for instance, i do not get upset because i know this: that reviewer is not wrong. camp damascus is five stars for me, but it is one star for someone else AND THAT IS OK. THAT IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE. THAT IS GREAT ART. also MAYBE THEY KNOW BETTER THAN I DO. just because i wrote the book does not mean i am the authority on it, and the conversation and tension between those that enjoy something and those that despise it is a creative act. the audience engaging with your work is just your art emerging from its cocoon and saying 'here i am. lets see where i flutter off to now'

do not fear the river of this timeline sweeping away your creations and carrying them where it will. this is inevitable, but it is also beautiful and freeing. you cannot swim against it and that is okay bud, because YOU HAVE ALREADY WON. you have already created something and given a piece of yourself back to this timeline and that is a great honor and privilege. it is literally all there is

by creating ANYTHING you are proving love is real, and that is something to be proud of

[paradoxikaa]

a whole lot of whatever

[sirfrogsworth]

Dinner with Aunt Denise & Uncle Jeff A Tale of Science Fair Photography

Ever since my parents died my aunt and uncle have done their best to fill some of the hole left in my heart. It almost feels like they adopted me in a way. They check on me. They help me clean. They helped me sort through all of my parents' belongings. And from time to time they invite me over for dinner when I'm feeling up to it.

Last week I got a new invitation. I had been feeling pretty lonely as of late so I graciously accepted. Before I left I saw my camera sitting on the table and realized I had this fancy new lens which is especially suited for taking pictures of people.

I thought to myself...

"This lens has only taken pictures of bridges at sunset."

Which is cool and everything, but I don't really want my only photos to be of bridges at sunset. I like taking pictures of other things.

I didn't have any lighting equipment handy—just a single external flash. And without a solid plan for how I was going to use it, I quickly packed said flash and headed westward. As I saw the sun lowering in the sky above the highway my big photography brain had an idea...

"I should take pictures of *people* at sunset."

I needed a reflector of some kind to bounce my flash against. I thought poster board would probably suffice so I stopped at Walmart and headed to the arts and crafts area. I found these tri-fold poster board thingies that grade school kids use to display their science fair experiments.

I got 2 for $7!

What a deal!

After I arrived I asked if my aunt & uncle minded having their photo taken. My aunt said she was fine with it but warned me that no one had ever been able to take a decent photo of her.

I'm typically not one to be braggadocious, but I replied...

"Well, that's because you've never had your photo taken by ME."

I'm not sure I should have been so cocky considering my lighting equipment is typically used to display the life cycle of earthworms, baking soda volcanos, and... potato batteries—which was the delightful and totally real project I just found on Google.

Science Fair Entry from Billy, Age 10

After a delicious feast of bratwurst, salad, and non-electrified potatoes, I convinced my aunt and uncle to sit for a sunset photoshoot. They even helped me set up my science fair project.

Science Fair Entry from Froggie, Age 42

I decided to do a quick test indoors to make sure my plan would work. Jeff volunteered for my first experiment.

Without my contraption...

With my contraption...

I think my experiment was quite promising. But would my idea hold up outside during the sunset with constantly dimming conditions?

We moved everything to the backyard. The tri-fold poster board was a bit ornery regarding its uprightness and needed to be tamed. My Uncle Jeff used a large rock, some pillows, and a step ladder to keep the makeshift reflectors in place.

I started taking test photos without the flash to figure out the background exposure.

Those pesky power lines were going to need to be zapped later in Photoshop, but I was really digging the scenery.

I dialed everything in, started taking photos, and even on the little rear camera screen I felt like they were turning out well. With the sun setting the sky looked like it was on fire. But then the batteries died in my flash and I was starting to lose that fiery sky as darkness began to creep into view.

Unfortunately, all of the potatoes were in our bellies so my aunt scrambled to find regular batteries in the house.

This photoshoot had become a complete team effort with everyone doing their part to make it a success.

Surprisingly it was my Uncle Jeff was giving me some bona fide model poses. He just naturally has some sort of... resting model face. Very masculine and authentic. And my Aunt Denise is just pure sunshine manifested as a person. So I had no problems getting nice expressions from her.

So... would you like to see the pictures?

Will I get a blue ribbon on my science fair project?

Am I building up the suspense too much?

Okay, here we go...

I suppose the only validation I really need is from the person who has never had a decent photo taken of them.

Let's see the verdict.

All of those hours and hours of photography training helped me learn the problem solving skills I needed to pull off a photoshoot with seven dollars in supplies.

Take a small light source, bounce it off something larger, and you get a big light source.

And big light sources make people look snazzy in photographs.

Easy!

Are you kidding me?

I lost to the potato kid?

What kind of rigged nonsense...

[honeytonedhottie]

cultivating creativity and a deeper understanding of self⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍰

PROMPTED JOURNALING ; 

shadow work and prompted journaling is a rly helpful way to get to know urself better. it cultivates not only creativity and a sense of identity, but also healing.

journal therapy is literally everything and i cannot recommend it enough. some shadow work prompts that you can use to start off are listed below.  

what part of myself do i feel disconnected to and why 

how do i let others invade my boundaries 

what beliefs and behaviors did u adopt from ur family that you now question 

what easily triggers sadness or anger from you. and what might be the deeper reason for this sensitivity

are there desires and ambitions that you feel embarrassed or scared to admit? and why?

journaling mainly involves self expression without fear of judgement. it’s like expressing urself without feeling ashamed so i highly recommend it for anyone who feels like they struggle with self expression. 

SELF EXPRESSION ; 

working on ur self expression also helps to kind of cultivate a sense of identity and knowledge of who you are and what u value. like i mentioned earlier you can express yourself in so many different ways. i’ll get deeper into the self expression aspect in the post. 

PASSION ; 

what are you passionate about? what drives u everyday? is it money? academic validation or academic research? maybe it’s romance or a strong desire for something. 

it’s okay. everyone’s answer might be different but there’s no wrong answer. identify what motivates you and what ur working towards. 

BEING BORED ; 

give yourself the privilege to do nothing. give yourself the luxury of being bored. when ur not doing anything, this frees up ur mind to think and cultivate ideas and concepts, most of the epiphanies that i have are a result of my alone time. 

when there’s nothing to do, you’re forced to think. and most ppl look for distractions and excuses to not spend time by themselves bcuz they don’t wanna spend time in their thoughts. they don’t wanna just be in their mind and i understand cuz at one point i was also in that position. 

to break this habit and be comfortable in ur own mind you must first be uncomfortable. start small, dedicate a small amount time to just lay and think, let ur mind wander as far as you want. and the next day let ur mind wander for a longer amount of time and so on until you can do this comfortably. 

CREATIVE OUTLETS ; 

something that i’ve learned on my journey is that having a creative outlet was rly important for me to be able to cultivate who i wanted to be and to be authentic and original. 

a creative outlet is a way that u can express yourself and your ideas some examples of a creative outlet could be 

pinterest accounts - i have so many pinterest accounts and on those accounts i turn my boards to art. lately i’ve been interested in photography and photos in general so this was rly good for me. 

a blog - starting ur own blog about something that ur passionate about/know a lot about or something that ur learning about is a great way to track progress and document ur journey

a journal - like i’ve mentioned earlier on in the post a journal is the simplest one to do in my opinion and i love it so so much

creating art - whether it’s pinterest boards, paintings, sketches, music, poetry, stories WHATEVER YOU WANT. 

DEEPER UNDERSTANDING ; 

process ur emotions in a thoughtful and efficient way and try looking deeper into ur behavioral patterns and habits. why are you the way you are? 

what are you passionate about? etc etc. cultivate a relationship with yourself through self care and healing work. remember that healing isn’t a linear process and in no case will it be, but i think that u owe it to yourself to know and cultivate urself. 

[lastoneout]

I def agree that Nimona's story was a major trans allegory for sure, but also as a queer person in general the whole "maybe I wouldn't die, but I sure wouldn't be living" thing resonated so hard, and like especially as a bisexual person.

Cuz being bi+ there's a lot of pressure from both sides to pick one, either be gay or be straight, and it gets way worse when we're in a relationship, bcs people will say shit like "oh well you're a woman dating a man, so you're straight now, why do you keep talking about being bi?" or vice-versa, like people don't understand why recognizing my indentity is important outside of the context of a relationship, and it's so frustrating bcs yeah like, maybe from the outside it looks like I'm straight, and maybe I could just be quiet and ignore my identity and I'd wouldn't die, but...I wouldn't be living.

And it was wild too bcs a few months back I was talking with my fiancé, who's also bi, and kinda venting cuz I'd seen some of that kind of biphobia in the wild and it'd upset me, and I remember saying something so similar. Like "I could probably just shut up and pretend I'm not bisexual, but that would feel like a death, like some part of me had died, I wouldn't be able to really live" so to hear Nimona say basically the exact same thing? Instant tears. I've never felt more understood.

And even with the other parts of myself, being asexual and trying to figure out what sort of relationship I want to have to my gender, so often I see people say stuff like "why do you have to tell other people that you're ace" and "if you're not going to transition at all why does your gender identity matter" and it's like because this is my authentic self and expressing that is the only way I can feel like my life is worth living!!

It's just so nice to hear that put into words, and I have a feeling a lot of queer people of all identities could relate in that moment, bcs we all hear the refrain of "why can't you just keep this to yourself and pretend you're normal" over and over again from ignorant people, some who mean well and some who very much Do Not, and Nimona is right! Maybe some of us wouldn't die outright, but for a lot of us a life spent hiding who we are, stuffing ourselves in boxes for the comfort of others, trying desperately to seem normal, it simply isn't a life where we're truly living.

Anyway rambling over, this movie is just so good and so queer and ough I can't stop crying about it T-T

[harmoonix]

🌹Asteroid IRIS and your

admiration🌹

❂ ❂ ❂ ❂ ❂ ❂

⭐🌈Info Box: Iris is the Goddess of the rainbow 🌈 and the Messenger of Gods, she is described as personification of Rainbow, as a link between Heaven and Earth🌈⭐

-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡--♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

❂ Asteroid Iris [7] symbolize what people admire about us, where our admiration comes from, what is admirable about us ❂

-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡--♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

ASTEROID IRIS IN SIGNS:

Iris in Aries: Your fire personality, courage, your confidence and attitude is very admirable, you are a very confident person and people admire that about you. You have no fear and you are not afraid of challenges, someone very independent and strong.

Iris in Taurus: Your tenderness, gracious aura, voice and your appearances are very admirable to other people, the public can admire you for being this gracious human being and kind of nature loving.

Iris in Gemini: Your voice, the way you talk, the way you think, your mind are very admirable, people might be very happy hearing your voice and you can have a great talent for giving speeches and communicating.

Iris in Cancer: People can admire you for your motherly side/nature, you are very nurturing and caring with people around you and they can find comfort in you and they find that admirable, your energy can heal people and you are someone very caring/lovable.

Iris in Leo; The way you expose yourself to the world are very admirable, here we talk about double admiration since Leo loves to be admired, people can admire you for being your own person and doing things you enjoy + loving yourself.

Iris in Virgo: Your analytical mind, your expressive nature and the way you organize things are very admired by other people, you are very organized and strong minded and people can find you very interesting and admirable.

Iris in Libra: Your peace, the way you put things in balance and the way you look are very admired by others, you might seem very peaceful kind of person and people can see your soul has a very calming nature and they can find that very admirable.

Iris in Scorpio: Your mystery and your magnetic aura attracts a lot of people in your area, they can find you very admirable by the fact you always seem to have your own power and you don't let anything to disturb you and bring you down.

Iris in Sagittarius: Your humour, your adventurous side and your wild fiery side are very admirable, the public can see you as a very adventurous person who lives by your own limits and rules and guided by freedom, they can admire your humour and the way you make their day better.

Iris in Capricorn: You status, authority and gentle nature can be very admired by others, you might have a very good status where you are and you tend to be respected by the people around you and they can look at you as an example and to admire you, usually people with this placement are great leaders and people admire their leader side.

Iris in Aquarius: Your uniqueness, your authentic side and your naturalness can be very admired by others, they can perceive you as a very unique authentic person who is very rare to met and be like, they can find you admirable by the fact everything you do is Authentic.

Iris in Pisces: Your spiritual side, your heart and your desires are very admired, you can be the type of person who wants to make the world a better place and people can admire you for that, and you always tend to show your true heart and to make people feel better with themselves and they admire that at you.

-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡--♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

ASTEROID IRIS IN HOUSES

Iris in the 1st house - Your personality is very admirable, in a way you can be very admired for who you are and for your own persona.

Iris in the 2nd house - The things you possess can be very admired by the people, and when i say "things" it can pretty much mean anything from simple things like books to big things like having an partner.

Iris in the 3rd house - Your voice is very admired, and aswell the way you talk makes others to admire you even more. Also your voice can influence a lot of people because you tend to be admired since your voice is so sweet.

Iris in the 4th - Your family can be pretty admired by people or your family can admire you (even if they don't tell you that) you can get admired pretty easily by people because of your nurturing personality.

Iris in the 5th house - You get admired for exactly who you are, this placement is giving "be yourself" pretty much, you get admired without any effort and you enjoy life in the same time aswell a win for a win.

Iris in the 6th house - You get admired for your work and contribution for being a very strong person with a lot of respect and love for what they are doing. You can aslo be pretty admired at your work place/job.

Iris in the 7th house - You get admired by your partner, in your relationships or in your circle of social people, you can attract people pretty fast due to your admiration.

Iris in the 8th house - Your admiration comes from your misterious personality and your mesmerizing persona, you can be pretty loyal and someone very serious and people can admire that at you.

Iris in the 9th house - You get admired for your beliefs and for the way you live your life, for being yourself and for this much love for life. You live your life at the fullest and without any regrets that makes you admirable.

Iris in the 10th house - You can get admired at your job/by the authorities and important people in your life. You can be very respected at your work place and people admire you even secretly.

Iris in the 11th house - You get admired by a lot of people in your life because you are pretty appealing and with a lot of knowledge for a lot of things that can grant you admiration, you can be admired in your friend group aswell.

Iris in the 12th house - Very spiritual and majestic, you get admired for your creativity and your artistic talents, someone can be gifted with a lot of creativity and talents with Iris in this house.

-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡--♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡

-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡--♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

🌹 Iris has blessings for everyone, hope everybody reading my notes has a good day full of good energy and a lot of good moments🌹 This asteroid seems very interesting though 🤫 i love her name because is very dear to me and I like the backstory of the Goddess Iris in the Greek Mythology. For deeper understanding of your administration make an asteroid persona chart on astro.com 💋💋💋

Harmoonix 💋

-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡--♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

[thyfleshc0nsumed]

So I'm a phone sex operator and given the fact that I'm a trans woman, the vast majority of my clients come to me with sissy or sissy adjacent fetishes. Some of them are perfectly happy to keep their 'feminine expression' kept in a box most of the time. Some of them are a okay with it being just something they do to get their rocks off. It's a hobby for them.

But a lot of them aren't. So many of them want to be, cuz frankly, being fulfilled by dressing up on the weekends means that change is not required. If I can cordon off this part of myself and be perfectly happy, what is there to change?

A lot of my clients clearly aren't happy with that arrangement of their lives. Some of them will never do anything about it. But some of them are on the precipice of change. The come to me to talk through it.

I've talked to a bit under two dozen of these sorts in depth. One things that I see over and over and over again is this preoccupation with this question--"am I really trans?", and I think it's the wrong question to be asking, cuz, well, it kinda doesn't really matter.

Whatever it is that makes us feel these particular feelings about ourselves is placed within the context of our society's systems of gender. What 'trans' is is not fixed, natural, or god ordained, it's socially created.

So this question of "am I trans" just isn't very helpful. What I really wish they were asking themselves is "I feel xyz way, what am I going to do about it?" Cuz that's a material question. "What steps can I take to live a happier life?"

A lot of these girls are carried by inertia. In many ways, it's easier to keep things the same and be unhappy than make changes to improve our quality of life. But I think we owe it to ourselves to do the scary shit, to live authentically. Cuz we've only got this one life, best to start living it.

[nerdyqueerandjewish]

7 Types of Rest

I've been reading a bit about this and jotting down some notes because the framework is helpful for communicating my different kinds of exhausted and gives me ideas on how to help myself more, and idk I thought I would share because I think other people might find it useful or interesting. I don't have just one article on it to recommend because unfortunately they are almost all trying to sell you their telehealth services or a meditation app or whatever.

**Disclaimer that resting isn't going to fix everything, examples of things to do aren't going to be accessible to everyone, they are just meant to be a start to brain storming, this is not medical advice etc...**

Physical - Relates to activities that are physically restorative

Mental - Relates to taking a break from mental stimulation

Spiritual - Relates to the fundamental need for belonging, purpose and acceptance

Emotional - Relates to being able to experience and express your real and authentic feelings

Sensory - Relates to giving your senses a break from stimulation

Social - Relates to feeling energized by spending time with people who contribute to your life in positive, supportive, and meaningful ways

Creative - Relates to appreciating beauty or feeling awe/wonder

Notes I made for "signs you need x type of rest" and actually getting that type of rest are under the cut. Again, they are personal so take them with a grain of salt. Also some of my notes on things I could do would definitely apply to others. I didn't want to keep writing "go outside" and "journal" for over half of them lol.

Physical Rest

Signs you may need physical rest

Feeling fatigued, body aches and pains

Feeling mentally sluggish or foggy

Getting some relief

Prioritize getting good quality sleep

Go on walks or engage in other gentle physical activity

Stretch throughout the day

Getting a massage (maybe trade with a friend or partner?)

Improve the ergonomics of your workspace

Mental Rest

Signs you may need mental rest

Unable to concentrate or recall simple things

Unable to relax

Racing thoughts

Getting some relief

Schedule breaks throughout the day

Write things down (can help racing thoughts or things you're worried about forgetting)

Do a satisfying activity that doesn't require much thought (example: coloring pages, simple craft)

Spiritual Rest

Signs you may need spiritual rest

Feeling lack of purpose or belonging

Getting some relief

Get involved in local community

volunteer

pray or meditate

Emotional Rest

Signs you may need emotional rest

Feeling weighed down

Stifling/suppressing feelings

Strong need to please others

Getting some relief

Talk to someone who allows you to be your authentic self

Participating in a peer support group

Journaling

Sensory Rest

Signs you may need sensory rest

Feeling energized at the start of the day, but becoming more irritable as the day progresses

Getting distracted by noises other people seem to be able to tune out

Getting some relief

Use dimmable lighting or lamps

Regularly set notifications to do not disturb

Use power strips to easily turn off multiple appliances at once

Avoid running loud appliances during busy parts of the day (ex. if washing machine is loud, don't run it while you're trying to pack and get out the door on time)

Social Rest

Signs you may need social rest

Feeling drained, exhausted

Feeling like your only interactions are with people who want/need something from you

Getting some relief

Nurture life-affirming, meaningful relationships

Make time for socializing with friends who don't "need" anything from you, where you can just enjoy each other's company

If you know you will be interacting with someone you find draining, make a plan to engage in social rest after

Creative Rest

Signs you may need creative rest

Feeling "blah"

Struggling with problem solving or brainstorming

Getting some relief

Go out in nature

Spend time in inviting spaces

Listen to music

Watch a skilled performer

Display items you find visually appealing in both home and work spaces

[geopsych]

re: the tumblr ai stuff, please don’t wipe your blog!! your blog has been so important to me and many others as a place of authentic light and beauty and i would hate to lose it forever 💕

there is a way to download the contents of a tumblr blog (it’s in settings, i don’t remember rn, but i’ll find it if you need it) maybe you could upload to another site or a personal site?

i know this is very serious, and i hate how we are unwillingly contributing to synthetic art, but the world would be poorer for me without your pictures <3

Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me.

This is a dilemma for me. I have loved doing this blog and going out to look for pictures and interesting things to bring here has given me motivation and meaning through years of struggle with depression and several kinds of grief. Going out to look for pictures has put me in situations where I have seen incredible beauty, much of which I never really managed to capture. Also, the many warm and kind messages I've received from people all over the world have given me heart and made me feel less meaningless as a person and more connected. Sometimes I've been criticized for buying the checkmarks and giving money to Tumblr but I wanted to do what I could because Tumblr has been my one happy and safe place online. But now this. To me AI in relation to creativity is just a way for well-to-do but untalented people, the proverbial tech bros, to profit from other people's hard work and creativity. It has no redeeming value in relation to creativity and is actively harmful to artists of all kinds. <trying to figure out how to put a read more link here> I don't even count myself among the real creatives, artists and writers and others who have worked hard and put years into honing their crafts, into learning to translate their hearts and unique spirits into their creative expression. I just see beautiful things and take pictures of them. But it would still make me sick to see AI works based on my pictures, on these times and places that have meant so much to me. Recently I saw a set of cat 'photos' on here that everyone was reblogging and exclaiming over but that to me seemed to just be AI art that was more convincing than most. As time goes on more and more output of AI is going to be almost indistinguishable from real works and unscrupulous people will pass them off as real, getting credit for what was actually created by others. Whether they profit from them becomes almost irrelevant at that point because what's worse is that we will have less and less sense of what is real. And as some have pointed out AI will now also be scraping from AI, muddying the waters further from here on in. This is an apocalypse of sorts, an apocalypse of creativity, ultimately likely to kill the joy of artistic endeavor for many who would otherwise produced brilliant, beautiful, funny, and/or shockingly original things. I'm still parsing and dissecting my thoughts and feelings about what Tumblr has done and how to react. Staying and leaving my blog up feels like consent. I am not confident in the integrity of anyone connected with scraping sites for AI. I'm not convinced that a little toggle in settings is going to make much of a difference in the long run. On the other hand I like posting here and I have received enough messages over the years to know that my blog is a positive influence on some lives. I was looking forward to May and June and posting pictures of the incredible beauty of eastern Pennsylvania in those months. And I was planning on making a side blog for posting some poetry I've been working on. It will break my heart to leave.

I haven't decided yet. Believe it or not this whole thing has given me awful physical symptoms. I'll let you know when I decide. Thank you again for your kind and lovely note!

[cyberg4n]

✧ 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐀 — a place from which one's strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self.

paring: earth1610!miles x fem!reader

warnings: none

a/n: not proofread so i’m sorry if there’s any mistakes 🤧

summary: miles confesses his undying love for you.

you knock on the front door, patiently waiting for a response. you hear miles and rio arguing about something. “basta, miles. lo tengo!” rio shouts, “¡mama por favor!” the door swings open, rio welcomes you in with open arms. “oh hello, it is so nice to see you sweetie!” she quickly pulls you into a hug, patting your back. you awkwardly laugh, looking over her shoulder. miles drags his hands down his head, an exasperated expression painted on his face. you pull away, giving rio a large smile. “it’s so nice to see you too, mrs. morales.” your eyes dart over to miles, pleading for help. he quickly runs over to the two of you, looping his arm around yours. “okaayy, we have to go study now, mama, so…” miles drags you over to his room — instantly shutting the door behind him.

he sighs in relief, watching as you examine his room. you pick up a pink beaten up plushie, giving him a funny look. “what? he’s my comfort plush.” he jokes, scratching his neck. you laugh, placing it back down. you swing off your backpack — grabbing a few papers out. you sit on his bed, laying out all the study materials. he sits down next to you, grabbing a pencil from the bedside table.

you and miles have been studying in his bedroom for the past hour. you’re working on a math assignment, and he's helping you understand a difficult concept. you’re so focused on your work that you don't notice when miles puts his pencil down and turns to look at you. “could i ask you something?” he says softly. you look up and meet his gaze, noticing how beautiful his eyes are. “yea, what’s up?” you inquire, you're breath shakes once you see how close you are to him. miles deeply inhales and inches his hand closer to yours. “we’re friends right?” he asks. you stare at him, you can’t help but laugh. “of course we are, miles.” he nods in agreement, he looks almost more nervous than you. “well, i’ve been thinking a lot about you lately. i can't stop thinking about you, actually..”

your heart skips a beat as you began to realize what he's implying. you’re not sure how to respond. you always thought he was cute, but you never thought of anything beyond that — but now that he's said it, you realize you might have feelings for him too. “miles, what are you saying?” you ask, feeling a bit overwhelmed. “it’s just whenever i’m with you, i feel safe. i feel like i’m at home.” he says earnestly. your eyes widen, feeling a flush on your cheeks. “you’re my home, y/n. i can be myself around you without having to feel like i have to hide anything.” he studies your face, searching for an answer. ���i won't be upset if you don't feel the same way. i just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me.” you blinked, taking a deep breath — looking into his eyes. “i’m not sure miles. i don’t know what to say.” you mumble honestly. his face pales, hanging his head low. “but, i think i feel the same way.” miles’ face breaks into a huge grin as he leans closer to you.

he hesitates for a second before kissing you. miles slides his hand into yours, rubbing his thumb over your skin. it’s a gentle, tentative kiss — the kind that feels like a promise for more. for the rest of the night, you and miles talked more about your feelings for each other rather than your actual studies. after you finish packing your stuff up. you say goodbye to miles, walking over to his door. your hand hovers over the doorknob before you turn around. you stand there, pausing. he looks back at you, awkwardly rubbing his arm. “did you forget something?” he asks. you nod, stepping closer to him before giving him one last peck on the lips. he melts into the kiss, hugging you tightly. he gives you an amused look, smiling wide. “thanks for tonight, miles.” you whisper, kissing his cheek. “i think i’m really going to ace that math test now.” you giggled. he beamed — nodding. “of course you will.”

as you walk home, you realize that everything feels different now. you’re not just friends anymore — you're something more. and even though you're nervous about what the future might hold, you know that you're excited to see where this new relationship takes you.

please do not copy or repost my writings to any other sites !

[vegaseatsass]

So the way I assume at least some number of people felt about Pit Babe ("not sure this is hanging together narratively, but OMG THIS SHIT IS CRAZY! I HAVE TO GO TELL TUMBLR!") is the way I feel about Blank the Series. Well, I was right that the younger Nueng (who I will call Anueng) is named after the older Nueng (who I will call Nueng), because Anueng's mother was in love with Nueng. HOWEVER! Fah named her daughter after Nueng as an act of SPITE. Nueng didn't reciprocate her affections, so Fah ended up fucking Nueng's fiance - maybe as a way to feel close to her unrequited love ?? - and getting pregnant at age 16. Nueng encouraged her to abort the child for the sake of her future. So 20 years later, Fah tells Nueng YES I named my daughter after you: because you RUINED MY LIFE! By 1) breaking my heart when we were kids 2) almost causing me to miscarry my daughter, whom you are now in love with!!!! So both of Anueng's parents were and probably are in unrequited love with Nueng. They produced a baby who has decided her only mission in life is to get with this older woman... who both her parents are/were in love with. Now if that is not enough melodrama for you, Nueng left her fiance at the altar but he is still like, into her and likes hanging out with her. As soon as she told him he's Anueng's father he wanted to become a part of his daughter's life. So Nueng becomes like the gatekeeper of time with Anueng. Fah is like "help me bond with my estranged daughter (who wants to fuck you just like I do)". Chet, the father, is like "will you allow me to see my daughter (who wants to fuck you just like I do)?" as if it's Nueng's call... So in response to the epic guilt Nueng's feeling about Anueng's almost-miscarriage (it wasn't actually her fault btw, Fah is lying to chain Nueng to her out of guilt), Nueng arranges an amusement park date between her two exes, their daughter, and a guy who likes their daughter, even though the daughter in question only wants to be there with Nueng. There's one hilarious scene where Nueng tries to set both mother and daughter up on an age appropriate heterosexual date through a haunted house while she fades into the background, and they both rush through while the men jump and gasp in fear, because the women only want to get back to Nueng waiting outside. I just don't think I can express how weird this is. Nueng sets up a birthday party for the girl who has been professing her love for her since they met, where all the attendees are intended to help Anueng move on from her, but there is NO distinction between "people who can parent you instead of me" and "person who wants to fuck you instead of me". Nueng makes a sincere comment about how easy it is to fall in love with Anueng, TO HER FATHER. Anueng's MOTHER is jealous that her daughter likes Nueng better than her. It's just all sooooooooooo fucking weird and psychosexual. 20yo Anueng's babyishness remains incredibly offputting to me, but my friend has pointed out she only does that when she's around Nueng, so it's very obviously a performance. When she's around literally anyone else she kind of just looks like she's dissociating 24/7. Plus her abusive grandmother has kept her so sheltered and isolated and abused that it's not surprising she doesn't really know how to socialize authentically. So even if it's not my bag I'm like, narratively compelled by whatever the actual fuck is going on in this GL. And did I mention: Mon and Sam are there, too!!!! There's a whole plotline where Anueng is jealous of Sam because she thinks Nueng and Sam are girlfriends. When she finds out they're actually sisters (and she double-checks onscreen: ACTUAL, biological sisters? This isn't a pseudocest situation?), she's like oh! So you like beautiful rich women! All I have to do is replace your sister by becoming a beautiful rich woman myself!!!

[xemmez]

my secret of gaining all of my confidence to be “cringe” is that i accepted i don’t want to jeopardize my harmless happiness to fit into societal norms. i’m already an intersex transfem aroace person who is in a relationship and uses neopronouns, society will never try to accept me as i am as soon as things get a little difficult.

all i’m doing while doing things like fursuiting or drawing furry art or making weird positivity posts is really accepting the fact these are the things that make me feel happy and that’s okay. i am not harming anyone, i am simply being another layer of authentically myself in a society that isn’t generally built for that level of self expression.

but, i will always support anyone who wishes to bloom into their authentic self against the world. detach yourself from self-hating ideals, take a step away from the social constructs you’ve become accustomed to seeing, and embrace the fact that you can live in so many different ways than the norm would have you believe.

you’re not a bad person for being what other people deem as “cringe” material. if anything, you’re someone who would make others feel safe who may be wishing to accept that part of themselves. you will find others to befriend.

live authentically, live happily, be cringe 🌈💕

[ahappyphjl]

↓ what do dan and phil mean to you? ↓ // dpgdaily's dnpaw - day 7/7

i became a fan in 2011, first discovering phil's videos and soon after dan's too, when i watched the first pinof. i fell in love with their dynamic, humor, creativity, and originality. they made me feel seen, understood, and realise there were lots of people like me out there, when i was growing up and trying to figure out who i was. making this blog in 2016 was life changing, cause suddenly i was part of a community that accepted me and let me express myself with authenticity in a way i'd never experienced before.

dnp have been one of the few constants in my life, and i couldn't imagine my life without them, because they're forever a part of me. it's truly difficult to put into words, but this little excerpt from my phanatic phanzine personal story sums up my feelings quite well:

"I feel like no matter where I go and who I become, Dan and Phil are like an anchor for me – the people I can turn to when life gets overwhelming, and also when things are great. When I want to laugh even louder and share that happiness with a community that feels like home. During Spooky Week 2023 Dan said: “At a certain point you just realise who you are as a person”, and it really stuck with me. I’ve realised that life does get better, the future is bright, and I am enough. And I’ve also realised, I simply wouldn’t be who I am now, if it weren’t for Dan and Phil. I’m so proud of them, and infinitely happy they exist in this world. Words could never be enough."

dnp and this community made me who i am. been 12 years now since the first time i saw a dnp video, but i'll always love them with my whole heart. 2011 til forever. :')

[kaelidascope]

Fandom and LGBTQ Hostility and My Experiences Trying to Exist in Both Spaces Online

I came into these spaces with a very strict rule that I would not react or do anything cancel-worthy out of an overabundance of caution. Digital footprints are dangerous. The things you say online will follow you around forever. I know that first hand. I’ve bottled up and stayed silent about a lot of things I’ve either witnessed first-hand or experienced because I was trying to maintain a clean online persona. I’m not an ‘airing out dirty laundry’ type person. 

In light of recent events however, it’s gotten so bad that I can no longer sit here and not say something about how I feel. I’m disappointed and frustrated with the experiences I’ve had both in fandom and LGBTQ+ spaces and I can’t be complacent. I’m tired of getting treated like this, I’m fed up and I’m not going to put up with it anymore. I feel it’s important I voice what I’ve been watching and what’s happened and how I’m not going to tolerate it anymore by calling it out first hand. 

This is a two-topic rant. They overlap in some instances, but it directly has to do with how fandoms behave in general towards each other on Twitter and Tumblr, and also how absolutely hostile LGBTQ+ individuals are nowadays to each other on the same platforms. 

I come from a different generation and a different social media platform. I wasn’t on Twitter and Tumblr until last year. I’m not dismissing the fact that I may have missed out on decades worth of culture and social expectation. The places where I come from aren’t exactly fantastic either, but at least here, more queer people are interacting with each other with shared interests much more widely than in places like DeviantArt. The amount of culture and information I’ve absorbed in one year is more than I ever had within the past twenty years. It should be a good thing, and I’m disappointed that it wasn’t. 

This is not the way I wanted to come out online to anyone. I’ve been figuring out where I sit on the gender and sexuality spectrum for a while now. I will not document a specific timeline for anyone because that’s nobody’s business but my own. Within the last year, I took a massive stride forward in exploring things I legally didn’t think I was allowed to. I expected backlash from cishets and the usual thing I see LGBTQ+ folks write essays over, about how the world hates us, but at least we have each other. Shockingly, the backlash didn’t come from straight people. It came from other queers. 

I am 27 years old and I am entirely self-sufficient. I’m mixed Puerto Rican living in a red state. English wasn’t even my first language. I don’t have a network, so I’m teaching myself these things. I'm asking questions. I'm reading materials and expressions of self-experience and self-identity through fanworks and other autobiographical content. I'm actively trying to seek community and support through transgender and non-binary individuals with shared interests and so far all I've been met with is hostility and assumptions. So much so that I've now been made to feel like I'm on a timeline to figure it out so I can have a well-practiced, short introduction to copy and paste to every person who comes across me. And the only reason I even need one is so that they can make the decision to pass judgement over whether or not I'm allowed to speak, write, draw, wear, act, breathe the things I do. I'm disappointed. I'm anxious. I honestly feel more shoved into the closet now than I ever did before and I shouldn't be. Nobody should be treated this way when trying to figure out who they are. I probably won't even get an apology for the things that were said to me, either. I pride myself on the extraordinary caution I take to be politically correct, vetted through reputable sources, and as close to authentic as possible. And yet somehow I’m still getting called things like terf, transmisogynistic, triggering, when I’m fucking trans myself and all of my content gets vetted/REQUESTED by trans individuals. I get promised up and down that people are kind and welcoming in these sorts of spaces and honey, they aren’t. The people you choose to be friends with aren't as inclusive and friendly as you think they are. You don’t even know me and what body parts I have. The fact that you need to know in order to decide whether or not to treat me with respect is telling of an internal issue that has nothing to do with me. 

I have no reference point. I live in a place where laws ban anything gender and trans. I have no local resources or community. I've barely met any LGBTQ people in person. If I have, they never came out publicly. Most of my queer exposure has been online, and the fact that I've seen nothing but angry, mean, exclusive and discriminating behavior without any sort of reasoning why other than selfish defensiveness, I don't know where else I'm supposed to go for support. Something a lot of you guys need to take into retrospect is anyone who identifies as LGBTQ gets shot where I live. We have sundown towns here. If you don’t even know what that is, good, but also that’s telling of your privilege that you need to consider when talking to others not from blue states. I didn’t grow up in an environment where we had these highly liberal culture points and the word ‘gay’ was never allowed to be said out loud. We did not have gay clubs in school. I'm about as fucking late to this as you possibly can get. The only reason I know anything about our history, representation, and barely anything about what's socially acceptable and what's not, is because of the internet. So many of you had the privilege of being exposed to this information as young as under the age of 10. I didn’t. Sue me for not immediately knowing what every gender label means right off the bat. Half that stuff isn’t even legal here. 

I can't believe it's boiled down to the fact that I have to somehow justify my existence on this Earth and give an explanation that fits into predetermined boxes just to do anything to engage with other people. I have no time or space to figure it out. I’m disorganized and overwhelmed because I can’t ask questions about ‘can butches do this?’ ‘How versatile is transmasc/transfem?’ ‘Am I more genderqueer or do I fit under the trans umbrella?’ Gender and identity is fluid and ever changing. I have actually seen people harp and attack individuals for "defaulting" or "detransitioning" when they change their mind after giving this big coming out speech. It’s like support on these platforms is entirely conditional and a one-time thing. Y'all really expect people to wear the first style of shirt they buy for the rest of their life? Are we not allowed to do anything unless we know for sure? How’s college working out for you, for those who believe this mindset?

The vocally aggressive ones who use big words that contradict their statements can do, say, and be whatever they want.  But people like me can't. The ones who have to straight pass in public to keep their jobs and maintain their life safely. Some of us have been on our own since 19 with no family support. Consider the environment someone lives in before assigning your harsh assumptions. I can’t just change myself on a whim without doing significant damage control. Half the jobs I work for don’t even allow unnatural hair colors. If we list our pronouns as anything other than our assigned sex at birth, it causes legality issues with taxes. The way I have to navigate how to explore my identity and also keep a roof over my head and my bills paid may seem highly conservative to most. It’s in no way shape or form meant to reflect disrespect on how others live and express themselves. I am doing the best with the environment I have. The way I do things is not meant to be read as a message of ‘you’re doing it wrong because you’re not doing it the way I do.’ None of us are wrong. That should not be the subliminal message here. 

You know someone actually challenged me on that? Saying I was being harmful for purposefully straight presenting in public? Please research your country and state specific laws before you say that to me. If I could afford to live somewhere safer and queer-friendly, this conversation would be different. I am working on getting the fuck out of this state. But I don’t have a partner or parents money to default on. I’m doing this by myself. It’s not impossible, just a slow process. 

I'm disappointed and fed up. I've reached my limit, and I don't really care anymore if someone uses this essay to try and cancel me 5 or 10 years from now when the world goes through another gender renaissance of terms and identities. I will not put up with being treated like this when you refuse to listen to anyone else other than the sound of your own voice. I’m trying my best to learn, adapt, and express myself. I do not need to be lectured or be called derogatory things just because you think I’m coming from a malicious place.  

It’s not just about the hostility and gate-keeping behavior exhibited in online queer spaces. The same exact thing happens in fandom spaces too. People get pissy about queer headcanons and presentations so much to the point of taking it upon themselves to police the fandom and scrub it clean of “impurities.” I’ve watched y’all go through people's social media pages for any type of ammunition for justification of a personal grievance. It shocks me how much hyperfixation gets put on specific and morally harmless things when there are people out there writing diabolical shit way worse than what I have to offer. And y’all happily support them too but bark at me about what I make cus that author fits your social criteria and you assumed I didn’t. Don't think I'm ignorant to every single scrap of hate mail and harassment I've gotten over the past year and a half in my inboxes. Including the passive aggressive posts about my work, vague tweets, and discussions about me in discord servers. Over what? Have you actually read my work? If it’s actually as problematic as you say it is, provide me with a modern and unbiased example why this particular scene and execution is harmful. And not because you got triggered or disliked the kink, or read the summary/tags and assumed it was something it’s not. I don’t know how much more caution tape, massive warnings, obvious clear-cut tags (that were provided to me by queer individuals to PUT on there in the first place) out of insane amounts of caution I can do. I have always been willing to provide spoilers and explicit details in case someone is unsure how they’ll be affected by something I make. If you already don’t like it based on my warnings, that’s always been more than okay! My work is not for everyone. I’m getting tired of politely and respectfully saying please move on, because the message seems to be getting lost in translation. So let me be clear; 

Get off my pages if you don’t like what I make. It’s not for you. It will never be for you. Dead dove. DO NOT EAT. PREFERRED DEMOGRAPHIC 25+ ADULT CONTENT RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. I can recommend so many other fantastic creators with better suited content for you! If I could hide my content behind a roped off section deliberately keeping you from seeing it, I would. BLOCK ME. 

If your response to this section is ‘well then just don’t write it’. Honey, there’s people out here in the RWBY fandom writing trans incest actively commenting on all your shit and you respond back. A magic grimm-goo strap and monster smut featuring a transfem character (again, requested by literally 3 trans people and WRITTEN by one) should be the least of your worries. 

I have actively chosen not to address the harassment and hate mail, because it's sad that half of you hate me so much you need to make a point of telling me so regularly. I sincerely hope moving on with your lives will grant you peace of mind. Truly.

This is why I barely interact with anyone. Nothing but hostility, harassment, and expectation to behave in ways I cannot emotionally commit to. I am exhausted, uninspired, and have such a bad taste in my mouth it's proving extremely difficult to want to do anything creative. It’s been worse with my recent exploration of my gender identity. Opening one door to write about certain things somehow, miraculously, closes ones I previously existed in. I’m practically getting kicked out if I’m not 100% one way or another. I don’t go out of my way to shove my content down your throats. Why you feel the need to come to me and tell me you dislike my existence because you read it, despite me stating this is not for everyone and probably not for you, doesn’t have anything to do with me. Idk what else I can do. Disappear off the face of the planet, I guess. That seems to be what the overall solution is when y’all find something you don’t like. I can't believe I witnessed grown adults in their mid twenties with self-proclaimed senses of rightness start a trend on Twitter to go through people's mutuals and their likes to see if they’re socially acceptable in Fandom spaces or not. That was fucking ridiculous. And especially not fair to those who had their private accounts leaked and put on blast when it was already behind an vetted follower wall. Believe it or not, people draw weird, lewd, diabolical shit. They’re actually being responsible by putting it behind a paywall, or some type of ‘proof of age before following’ requirement. It falls on the people who go on there, take screenshots, and post them publicly for minors and non-consenting individuals to see without filters what was previously hidden. It’s irresponsible and immature. 

For fear of getting canceled by the Fandom, I moved all 600+ accounts I was following onto a private alt. I don't interact with my main anymore. I went so far into hiding and didn’t dare share anything about liking content made by people I wasn’t allowed to like, because that’s how cruel it is out here. It's honestly stupid I even felt like I had to do that. For what? People glazed over the brief moment of drama within a few weeks and went right back to posting the same shit they always have. They find new things to gossip about on their privs. New enemies to cancel on Twitter. New things to deem problematic and attack. 

I will be heard with this letter. I don’t care to be associated with anyone who treats people like this. I don’t believe in it, I won’t support it, and I’d rather have a small circle of people who won’t be rude or attack other people for existing. I’m not going to sit here and take the abuse any longer. Leave me in peace. There is no reason any of this should be happening. 

This is not meant to undermine the support I have gotten from the few who know what I'm going through and have given me the space to figure it out. I appreciate every question answered and insight provided as much as your abilities allow. I'm so grateful for it. I just wish it wasn't 2 people while everyone else is an asshole.