#and I’m terrible at knowing my healthy limits

[thecowboykatsuki-anon]

I really want to get back into the gym and I know that’s a slow process just cause I don’t take care of myself and have wrecked my body but sometimes I just get so frustrated with the limits I have 😅

[reasonsforhope]

No paywall version here.

"Two and a half years ago, when I was asked to help write the most authoritative report on climate change in the United States, I hesitated...

In the end, I said yes, but reluctantly. Frankly, I was sick of admonishing people about how bad things could get. Scientists have raised the alarm over and over again, and still the temperature rises. Extreme events like heat waves, floods and droughts are becoming more severe and frequent, exactly as we predicted they would. We were proved right. It didn’t seem to matter.

Our report, which was released on Tuesday, contains more dire warnings. There are plenty of new reasons for despair. Thanks to recent scientific advances, we can now link climate change to specific extreme weather disasters, and we have a better understanding of how the feedback loops in the climate system can make warming even worse. We can also now more confidently forecast catastrophic outcomes if global emissions continue on their current trajectory.

But to me, the most surprising new finding in the Fifth National Climate Assessment is this: There has been genuine progress, too.

I’m used to mind-boggling numbers, and there are many of them in this report. Human beings have put about 1.6 trillion tons of carbon in the atmosphere since the Industrial Revolution — more than the weight of every living thing on Earth combined. But as we wrote the report, I learned other, even more mind-boggling numbers. In the last decade, the cost of wind energy has declined by 70 percent and solar has declined 90 percent. Renewables now make up 80 percent of new electricity generation capacity. Our country’s greenhouse gas emissions are falling, even as our G.D.P. and population grow.

In the report, we were tasked with projecting future climate change. We showed what the United States would look like if the world warms by 2 degrees Celsius. It wasn’t a pretty picture: more heat waves, more uncomfortably hot nights, more downpours, more droughts. If greenhouse emissions continue to rise, we could reach that point in the next couple of decades. If they fall a little, maybe we can stave it off until the middle of the century. But our findings also offered a glimmer of hope: If emissions fall dramatically, as the report suggested they could, we may never reach 2 degrees Celsius at all.

For the first time in my career, I felt something strange: optimism.

And that simple realization was enough to convince me that releasing yet another climate report was worthwhile.

Something has changed in the United States, and not just the climate. State, local and tribal governments all around the country have begun to take action. Some politicians now actually campaign on climate change, instead of ignoring or lying about it. Congress passed federal climate legislation — something I’d long regarded as impossible — in 2022 as we turned in the first draft.

[Note: She's talking about the Inflation Reduction Act and the Infrastructure Act, which despite the names were the two biggest climate packages passed in US history. And their passage in mid 2022 was a big turning point: that's when, for the first time in decades, a lot of scientists started looking at the numbers - esp the ones that would come from the IRA's funding - and said "Wait, holy shit, we have an actual chance."]

And while the report stresses the urgency of limiting warming to prevent terrible risks, it has a new message, too: We can do this. We now know how to make the dramatic emissions cuts we’d need to limit warming, and it’s very possible to do this in a way that’s sustainable, healthy and fair.

The conversation has moved on, and the role of scientists has changed. We’re not just warning of danger anymore. We’re showing the way to safety.

I was wrong about those previous reports: They did matter, after all. While climate scientists were warning the world of disaster, a small army of scientists, engineers, policymakers and others were getting to work. These first responders have helped move us toward our climate goals. Our warnings did their job.

To limit global warming, we need many more people to get on board... We need to reach those who haven’t yet been moved by our warnings. I’m not talking about the fossil fuel industry here; nor do I particularly care about winning over the small but noisy group of committed climate deniers. But I believe we can reach the many people whose eyes glaze over when they hear yet another dire warning or see another report like the one we just published.

The reason is that now, we have a better story to tell. The evidence is clear: Responding to climate change will not only create a better world for our children and grandchildren, but it will also make the world better for us right now.

Eliminating the sources of greenhouse gas emissions will make our air and water cleaner, our economy stronger and our quality of life better. It could save hundreds of thousands or even millions of lives across the country through air quality benefits alone. Using land more wisely can both limit climate change and protect biodiversity. Climate change most strongly affects communities that get a raw deal in our society: people with low incomes, people of color, children and the elderly. And climate action can be an opportunity to redress legacies of racism, neglect and injustice.

I could still tell you scary stories about a future ravaged by climate change, and they’d be true, at least on the trajectory we’re currently on. But it’s also true that we have a once-in-human-history chance not only to prevent the worst effects but also to make the world better right now. It would be a shame to squander this opportunity. So I don’t just want to talk about the problems anymore. I want to talk about the solutions. Consider this your last warning from me."

-via New York Times. Opinion essay by leading climate scientist Kate Marvel. November 18, 2023.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 2 thoughts

ah, this episode! i have heard it is very scary. so i’m curious to see how creepy it can be. usually what gets me the most is body horror, at least so far. 

i’m really not a horror fan so i’m interested to see if this will push my limits or just be kinda silly. remember that evil AI in like s1 episode 8? and when it was unplugged it said “noooo, brad :(“ or something like that? yeah that one just made me giggle lol

(author's note after seeing the episode: what...)

(additional author's note: read to the end to see why i think this episode might be actually about the civil war's long-term consequences)

how far we have progressed since then! 

let us begin!!!

we open with a storm and some scary music. pretty intense for the first few seconds. oh, now someone is giving birth. it is very dark and hard to see but it appears these individuals do not look like your average fellow off the street.

GAG! slurping noises are produced as the baby emerges. birth counts as body horror btw i do NOT make the rules. EUGH the umbilical cord…

(sorry y’all pls take no offense to those who have or desire children someday... it’s just something that makes me feel dizzy to watch but i support your dreams and choices i promise 🙏)

okay, but the baby is crying so that’s usually a good sign right? like better than a quiet baby, i think.

but a bunch of people are leaving after the delivery and i thought they would stick around to do things like look at the baby and see if it is healthy and stuff. but no. they’re leaving. where are they going...

they’re digging a hole?????? WHAT DA HELL. BABY IN THE HOLE??!!!!!! while someone cries terribly. OMG the grief…

WHAT THE HELL???

what have i gotten myself into……

intro time. always gonna think about that tweet regarding scully’s glamour shot on her ID. anyway just in case you forgot the truth IS out there.

so we see some kids in a place called home, pennsylvania, and they’re playing baseball. you know how children are, with their baseball. it’s as serious to them as a senator running a reelection campaign. 

kid knocks the ball over the fence, and onto the property of “the peacocks”. the kids will NOT go get the ball, and instead find a spare. seems they prepared for this, or could maybe find a place that isn’t next to a very scary house to play ball, but i understand spacial constraints.

OH???? the kid is digging his foot in to go swing and…. BLOODY PUDDLE???? THIS MUST BE THE BABY FROM BEFORE????

he backs away as we see a tiny hand in the dirt. that poor kid omfg he must have been traumatized… and his sneakers were so bright and white…..

cutscene to mulder in the field after all the kids have fled! ah, mulder loves his baseball. in fact, he even sniffs it. he’s practicing his pitching LMAOOOO please be serious for FIVE minutes. 

scully is measuring the hole while he does all this. in fact, he is not stopping. it just keeps going while she talks about the angle of the shovel.

she makes some quip about quitting the FBI and becoming a spokesperson for the ab roller, when he SHOVES THE BALL UNDER HER NOSE and says “smell that” THIS MAN IS SUUUUUCH A WEIRDO I LOVE HIM

“it’s perfume. eau de ball” (stupid little mulder smile)

very strong juxtaposition between baby death and a daydreaming mulder, but that is the sort of thing we have come to expect from this show. he seems enchanted.

WAIT! he’s talking about his sister… “all-day pickup games out on the Vineyard” and going down to the beach… no cell phones or faxes… oh man, this baseball has him talking about his family :(

“mulder, if you had to do without a cell phone for two minutes, you’d lapse into catatonic schizophrenia” <- WELL GET HIM! it is true. he is always making calls and then abruptly hanging up.

feels weird to be smiling like a fool at my screen as these two talk about their lives after seeing the opening scene... but here we are!

“scully, you don’t know me as well as you think you do. you know my work demands that i live in a big city, but if i had to settle down, build a home, it’d be a place like this” 

OHHHHH MY GOSH

1. he has though about settling down and having a life outside of his work, and this is such a character reveal, and i know he wants like a small army of children, and

2. i just KNOW those words are gonna come back and bite him when this place is revealed to be some sort of cult

she says it would be like living in mayberry which i had to google BUT: it is the town from the andy griffith show. ah, i see. so very quaint.

someone pulls up to see them and i paused at just the right time to see that mulder’s shirt is very baggy and living up to my URL, which is good because sometimes i worry it’s a bit TOO niche, but i made it after watching 4 episodes so i’m too attached to change it now. meanwhile, scully’s coat is wonderfully sleek and it’s a fun little contrast.

this is sheriff taylor, who says this is a very small town, and there are no real suspects. mulder asks about the peacocks next door, and the sheriff goes… quiet. apparently three boys lived there, and their parents were hurt in an accident. the sheriff and his team tried to administer care to the parents, but the boys took the bodies home??? that’s. odd.

so these peacocks have no electricity, grow their own food, and… are inbred. the sheriff says they are feeble and sad, and wouldn’t have any idea what they are talking about. which just makes me think they are the prime suspects.

the sheriff is saying that he loves his town, it is quiet and peaceful, and he knew someday it would change when something terrible happened. when he saw “it” in the ground, he knew that day had come. he seems convinced it’s an outsider but also he is purposefully ignoring all the evidence in the other direction. and he wants their help, but he doesn’t want anything to change. 

(i see... this is about the terrible secrets of small towns and the wish to keep everything quiet and preserve an idyllic image rather than make meaningful change)

apparently they were recommended to help out when “the victim” was described, so mulder says that maybe they should go take a look.

and whew, when they cut to a bundle of blankets next to some cans of spam (that look like they’re partially covered to hide the branding?) it’s a lot. it's a lot to handle, for me, emotionally, but i guess that's a fairly normal reaction. the sheriff just pulled the baby right out of the fridge. we also meet a deputy named barney.

they shove poor scully in a tiny bathroom with just a sink in it to do her work, because they don’t want anyone else seeing the autopsy go down. the sheriff says they can’t do it in his office, because everyone knows he never locks his office door, and they’d start rumors. this whole small town thing is starting to seem quite oppressive.

mulder is also here in this tiny closet-like bathroom, and i can feel the claustrophobia from here. despite the lack of space, scully begins.

and she is taken aback, but not as much by the fact that it is a child but that said child “has been afflicted by every rare birth defect known to science”. mulder has his arm on the wall leaning in and watching in a way that is weird for the space.

we only see a few shots of the baby- thankfully, because i don't think i could handle seeing any more of it than we do- but it’s enough to make me go whew, shout-out to the props department for making something that looks like that, because that is how i cope with seeing things on this show that make me nearly faint

she is reciting the various things that this child has been born with, and mulder says that they can probably rule out murder, right? but scully says idk… it looks like it WAS murder, actually. dirt in the nose.

lord, they walk out after doing that and somehow don’t need to like, down some vodka or something to cope. 

“imagine all a woman’s hopes and dreams for her child, and then nature turns so cruel. what must a mother go through?” oh my gosh is scully gonna make me cry…

“apparent not much in this case, if she just threw it out in the trash”, says mulder, while they sit on a bench on he is manspreading like you would not believe. but i assume they are in a tough spot mentally so manspreading is permitted in this situation.

“i guess i was just projecting on myself”, she says, and oh my gosh does scully want kids someday…. stop i’ll cry!! i’ll cry. 

“well, just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic makeup and a really high tolerance for being second-guessed and start pumping out the little uber-Scullys” he says, rubbing her back.

and i can’t decide if this is funnier if he’s truly and deeply down terrible for her and suggesting subtly that HE could be that man, or if he’s just being a really good pal. so i’m gonna turn around both options in my head for a while and see which sticks.

“what about your family?” “hm? aside from the need for corrective lenses and a tendency to be abducted by extraterrestrials involved in an international governmental conspiracy, the mulder family passes genetic muster” (said with a celebratory flourish of his hands)

oh my gooooooosh i love them both so bad. he is SUCH a nerd. and his constant need to joke about the horrible things… even when they are approaching a serious topic, life ambitions and the desire to start a family, he has to go in there with some sarcasm to avoid getting Too Serious...

see? he has good genes. allegedly. go forth.

but he sobers up, points out that the child they had to just examine is a serious tragedy, and some likely very young parents are probably incredibly scared. but this isn’t really an FBI matter. 10 points to him for being serious for once.

she is brainstorming how such a thing could happen- “now, we all have a natural instinct to propagate” “do we?” <- ace mulder subtext i see you…

scully is convinced that the woman who gave birth to that child did it against her will, and mulder points out that kidnapping is a bureau matter… she seems determined to save someone caught in a horrible circumstance here, and i admire that about her, the sense of justice she has. she gets up to go investigate.

but he calls out: “hey scully- i never saw you as a mother before” <- OH MY GOD??? OH MY GOD. i can’t even begin to process that right now. oh my gosh it seems like he has wanted kids SO terribly… but scully never really brought the subject up, which is fine because not everyone wants kids!! but what does it say about her character if she DOES…? i am analyzing.

i hope she is happy someday with whatever she chooses. music is playing as he looks after her. do not for a second think i missed that little musical flourish and gaze combo.

so, they go to the peacock's farm. where they find a chopped off pig’s head on the steps. it doesn’t seem to bother them at all, which must be a testament to the strength of bureau training.

mulder tries to do his usual “enter first and ask questions later” thing, but scully STOPS HIM, saying there is no probable cause.

WHAT!!! for once they did NOT JUST BURST IN!!??? their random entering of places is one of my favorite running gags and for once they didn’t. oh she is serious about this one…

so they just peek inside instead…. and then they get their guns and go inside after seeing a table covered in blood. oh…. the scissors from before…. yes, bloody table = probable cause

there is blood everywhere, and the footprint from the crime scene matches the footprint in blood on the floor. AND they find a bloody shovel. well!!! we know who did it now!!! but… where are they??

it is soooo dark and creepy as they make their way through the house. and someone is WATCHING THEM THE DARK as they investigate. BLEUGH we get an extreme closeup on their eyes…….

i am spooked.

now scully is on the phone with sheriff taylor, who is describing the warrants for the arrest of the peacocks he put out, while mulder slams a TV in their hotel room, trying to get it to work. typical mulder behavior

(i bet they felt a need to incorporate some silly moments to lighten out the heavy heavy heavy content, and honestly i didn't think it would work, but for me it kinda is. don't get me wrong, it's still VERY heavy, but it's not start to finish just trauma like we got in calusari, which stands out to me as being the darkest and least fun episode in the series so far. but let mulder sniff a baseball a little and smack a TV and our agents talk about having a family and it is slightly less overwhelming in terms of tone)

and she brings up the white cadillac they found there but he says get a lot of abandoned cars. damn, who is abandoning a cadillac...

what is this sheriff hiding…?

he pulls out his gun from a locked box, and seems deeply regretful. before he puts it back in the box… hmm…

back at the peacock farm. the brothers are packing what looks like clubs into the cadillac. and i notice how silent and scary the whole thing is… no music whatsoever.

meanwhile, mulder is doing a little dance to try and get the TV working, which scully is smiling at him in a way that implies long term affection and exhaustion. i want to get those gifs and save them upon my blog forever and ever.

he’s trying to watch the knicks game, but as she heads out, he says “goodnight mom”, and she looks… uncomfortable. i mean, it’s a weird thing to say, but still. he says a lot of weird things and she doesn’t always look sort of… hmm. idk, the only phrase that comes to mind is “cut to the quick”. i WILL be analyzing that.

she tries to leave and the lock is broken, so he places a chair underneath, which might do something but like… probably not a ton.

anyway, back to the cadillac, where the brothers are pulling out while listening to music. where are they going….

sheriff taylor is up late at night, “taking one last look around before it all changes”. oh, he loves his town… but it is rotten, like mulder says. AND HIS WIFE DOESN’T LOCK THE DOOR AS THEY COME IN!!! NOOOO!

the brothers are on the move, while scully sleeps and mulder watches a fuzzy documentary on hyenas?? okay. king behavior.

but back at the sheriff’s house, he can hear the brothers approaching, and pulling into his yard. oh no…. he looks out the window and the brothers aren’t there. so did they already get in…?

he’s going for the gun, he says, and they enter his house. and he’s got a baseball bat, but where is the gun! they have clubs! like the kind the bad guys in zelda use!!! they look very very dangerous!

he hears them approach as his wife is under the bed……… and he swings his bat at the intruder, but he is barreled right over, it’s three on one, and they beat him RIGHT AS HIS WIFE SEES THE WHOLE THING FROM UNDER THE BED. and they sniff and sniff and FIND HER UNDER THERE????????

what the fuck. who came up with this…….. that song is still playing as they get in their car and leave. i'm sure the song also has some significance to the meaning of what these guys are doing but tbh i have never heard it before so it's hard to unpack.

the deputy is at the scene of the crime the next day, smoking a cigarette, hands shaking in terror. he had come over to give the sheriff a report… and found them that way.

so the owner of the cadillac was found in baltimore, she had left it behind after running out of gas. this is not a lead in the slightest.

mulder is investigating the scene while scully pulls out files from the crime lab, and it is. well, it is very bad, to put it bluntly. the crime scene is horrific. 

she says that the crime scene messed up the tests on the infant… but mulder proposes that… perhaps each of the brothers were the father? she talks about how babies are made and how that makes no sense, but he proposes that generations of inbreeding could maybe make such a mutation. but she says that isn’t possible, they’d need a female family member and there aren’t any left. hmm...

scully wants to try and trail them right now and go save whoever it was that was forced to give birth, but mulder points out that they are outnumbered and could further endanger the victim. what to do…? i don’t know the answer. 

oh! the deputy barges in and says he’ll take them up there so it’s three against three. and they have guns, which should give them the advantage. okay. shoutout to the deputy.

mulder seems suspicious however, and says his suddenly entry was a bit “too chuck bronson for me”. so yeah, i had to google that too. this chuck fellow is the guy from machine gun-kelly. and NOT that sleazy rapper one. the more you know.

scully is confused, though, because why would they kill the sheriff? he didn’t even investigate them. unless they somehow overheard them talking about issuing the arrest warrants while in their house… and they are operating under the assumption that the brothers were not in the house when they were…. but we know that someone was in hiding!!!

OH! back to the house. one of the brothers declares he is hungry. we finally get a semi-decent look at them, and they are incredibly gruesome. someone is under the bed still…. 

and when they declare that they are “ready”, they strip down. they knew this day- and change- was coming, and all they can do is be ready for it. this is our home. and this is the way it’s gonna stay. 

again, i ask, who came up with this……

the deputy and our agents are on the property, now. deputy wants to come in from the front and let them take the back. a brave thing to offer, but i am slightly suspicious of him. they have wired headsets on and bullet proof vests on, and he is going in.

so they’re approaching- scully and mulder in the field, the deputy out in front. scully is peeking through binoculars but she doesn’t see anyone inside!!! it has to be a trap!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!! just as scully tells the deputy to not go in, he opens the door and an AXE SWINGS DOWN AND CHOPS HIS HEAD OFF!!!!!

i am sorry for being suspicious of you, deputy. may you rest in peace.

mulder’s reciting his facts from the hyena documentary. they are witnessing something akin to prehistoric humanity. but he has an idea: divert them out of the house, so they don't have to deal with their traps. it is a good idea.

so they are sneaking into the pig pen, which had to be a pain to shoot. “scully, would you think less of me as a man if i told you i was kind of excited right now?” he asks as they try to get the pigs in a line to topple like dominoes or something???

“is there some secret farmer trick to getting these things moving?” “i don’t know!” lmaooo these city slickers...

they’re shoving pigs straight out the gate, and she’s trying to say some magic pig words from babe, which her nephew apparently watches all day. you know what that means...

! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she has a nephew!

but there are more pressing matters at hand than a lore reveal as one of the brothers emerges, falling for their piggy trap. we see them in daylight now, and it is an unsettling sight. 

as the brothers try to herd the pigs back in, the agents sneak in, with mulder picking up a giant log to poke open the door. and it is a good thing he did that, because a trap descends right on the log that surely would have beheaded him as it did the deputy if not for the log taking the axe/weapon thingy for him. thank you for your service, giant log.

they sneak in beneath the log and close the door as if nothing went down. scully is yelling to see if anyone is in the house. they’re doing a sweep in excellent coordination. mulder mumbles “oh no” and i’m scared but he just picks up a newspaper that says elvis is dead and frowns 😭 his ass cannot be serious for more than five minutes 

but something approaches!!!! they enter the bedroom and see photos of generations and generations of this family, with varying conditions. and at this moment mulder notices that someone is under the bed!!

he’s trying to say that they’re here to help, but whoever is down there is screaming, screaming at them to go away. so scully tries to move the bed, but she’s strapped to a board underneath the bed, and they pull her out and…. oh my gosh, she has no limbs, i think? it’s dark and hard to tell. they keep her under the bed..........

mulder says they’re going to get her home, but after a glance at the pictures on the wall, scully says that she already IS home. it’s mrs. peacock. the mother of the family that they thought died in the car accident!!!!!!

she is sobbing and they roll her back under the bed, with mulder having a horrific look on his face, unable to process what he just saw. 

mulder is back on the prowl to find the other brothers. and he tasks scully with trying to convince mrs. peacock that she is the only one who can get “her boys” out of here without them being hurt. a mighty task, indeed.

she walks away, and he says “scully, w-watch your step” and he’s worried about her and i want to cry. oh!! we see a trip wire……….

so scully goes back to mrs. peacock, explaining that she needs medical attention, and the agents are here to help. she says that this is their home- why leave it? she has to see if the boys are okay. 

and she lost her limbs in the accident that killed her husband. “sewed me up just like the family learned in the war of northern aggression” OH! so that is an WILD thing to say in pennsylvania. but it was at this point i thought i was putting the pieces together for an extended metaphor...

but she insists she felt no pain, and that no one in the family does. and they’re such good boys. scully points out they murdered three people, and mrs. peacock says she can tell scully has no children, but maybe someday she’ll learn the pride and the love “when you know your boy will do anything for his mother”

well i think you probably just made her swear that off forever!!! so!!!!!

the brothers see mulder in the window, and they start to run in. and as he holds one at gun point, another tries to bash in his head, so scully shoots him. but this isn’t enough to take him down! and the other one joins in on their attack, so it’s two against one tag teaming mulder!!! oh my gosh scully can you use your perfect aim???

yes, she can, but despite emptying the whole clip, they aren’t hurt!!! 

they’re running and running and dodging a whole lot of terrible blows, and scully yells out that she has the mother! she trips over the wire and one of the traps falls RIGHT into one of the brothers, seemingly finally taking him out.

she notices marks on the floor, and when they go back for mrs. peacock, they can’t find the other brother or the mother.

so they put out an APB for them, saying that in time, they’ll catch them. but he counters with “i think time already caught them, scully”

cutscene to the cadillac- where mrs. peacock says that “sherman and george were good boys”- SHERMAN? a union name? edmund, sherman, and george… 

it ends with mrs. peacock saying that there will be more peacocks, and they have to find a new home, make a new family to be proud of. she is in the trunk of the car while she says this.

okay so first thoughts: WHAT THE FUCK.

this episode definitely lived up to its horrific reputation. but i can’t figure out exactly what it is it MEANS!

beyond exploring the horrific topics of generational abuse, i feel that there is something a bit deeper going on here. i actually felt so compelled to see if i was imagining things that i went on the wikipedia page for the episode, which spoke of its themes on the american dream and the nuclear family. those themes i see for sure- how mulder was talking about settling down in a place like this, so quaint and quiet, how they started discussing their own desire for a family, and how every idyllic thought about what a family could be was upended on its head with the peacocks. that made sense to me. but...

that line- “the war of northern aggression”- was what the confederates called the american civil war to justify their rebellion. this is notable for the fact that this whole episode took place in pennsylvania, which was a union state- but somehow, they got so twisted up in their own hatred that they’re parroting the lost cause ideology over a century after the war.

the repeated motifs of “things being the way they are in a small town, in our town, in our home”- is that a symbol for the festering of post-civil war wounds? the inability for the war to make meaningful change when it came to the attitudes of the people on the losing side, who continue- even to this day- to spew their hateful ideology? the inbreeding metaphor- is that a representation of how hate begets hate begets hate, generation after generation, compounding and corrupting by the lack of intervention from outsiders who are too afraid to change “the way things are” and call out harmful behavior? and the newspaper from elvis’s death… is that another allusion to the family (or perhaps certain parts of the country) living entirely in the past, in addition to their lack of electricity and water, just stewing in their own hatred? even the name- home- reminds me of the “house divided cannot stand” rhetoric. is this talking about the rot of "back in the good ol' days" thinking?

or if not a metaphor for the country, and instead just the horror of abuse? of how people can feel that things are the way that they are, and so that makes it correct, no matter what the cost? about how warped perceptions of family can be made and shaped? and the fact that mrs. peacock went along with all of this, despite being the biggest victim of the family... is that to speak on the twisted nature of gender roles and how they are weaponized in familial abuse?

i have to clarify that i am not an expert on abuse in the slightest; i am just trying to work through the themes of what i just saw. you know how it is on this blog; i do my best to interpret the big issues, but also recognize that i can only see and comment upon so much.

i'm really, really curious to hear how you interpreted the episode, though. or how audiences have understood it in the past, or if it has ever been re-evaluated. what did the cast and crew have to say on it? i want to know.

man. this is gonna really make me ponder. i want to know. it was too purposeful to just be a “wouldn’t it be fucked up if…” sort of situation.

regardless of the terror, i actually thought this episode was pretty good. it felt cohesive, not just a sideshow of horrible things to make you feel shocked. and we learned more about our characters- their ambitions in life, the possibility of a family someday dangling over their heads, and the terror associated with everything that could go wrong. i think there is always some fear about starting a family (i wouldn't know, but i do read books and stuff), and for scully to just now vocalize her thoughts on the subject and to immediately see this case- i can only imagine what it did to her thought process.

i thought the more light-hearted elements were working at the beginning- mulder's TV dance, baseball time, the merits of their genetics, family talk- worked well at first. but by the end it was just... damn. that was a lot. maybe that is the indication of a successful episode, that it can take you along heavy subject matter with a sense of character analysis and horror, but end with just terror.

i'm not a horror fan outside of this show, so the balancing of the heavy and the humor always baffles me a little bit. i don't know how other materials do it, so i can't really say if it could have been done better or worse. i think the important part though is that they don't turn the tragedy itself into the joke. it wasn't giving "point and laugh at the horrible peacock family!" it was finding humor in other situations, that ultimately still surrendered to the sober feeling of what humanity can do.

whew. this one is definitely gonna stick with me for a while, and i’ll need like 12 hours to formulate my thoughts into something comprehensible. but, you ask, did you like the episode?

yes! while i'm not sure i'd watch it again for funsies, i thought our agents had to confront some inner demons while also learning a lot about them together and individually, which is exactly the thing i want in an episode. i think it brought them closer and they understand each other better, and i think we're getting into some real juicy parts of their relationship. i can't stop thinking about him rubbing her back- how terribly devoted they are to each other, regardless of if either of them can put that into words. those dynamics of devotion that go beyond words- it's so special to me.

and sure, i'll take the bait, and daydream about them living together... i am not above fan service in the slightest. it is me, the fan, who loves to be serviced.

but again. i'm spooked.

[pseudowho]

Hello, Haitch! I was hoping we could discuss the extent of emotion or attachment towards fictional media? If the topic intrigues you as it has significant personal relevance to me 🤔

I just feel so intensely, so much, towards fictional media. Like it’s a tidal wave of emotion. For example, reading “Annihilation” has gotten my pulse skyrocketing and adrenaline rushing. It’s followed with the urge to have an in-depth book discussion with like a literature professor or something. Or when I’m reading your fics, I’m kicking my feet in the air and I have to pause to take deep breaths because, oh my goodness,oh my goodness, the room just got 10 degrees F hotter. Or when I read the lyrics to “Where our blue is” before bed, I legitimately woke up at 4:00 AM for no reason other than the feeling of emptiness. What did I do solve it? Listen and read the lyrics to “Akari” 💀💀 (Two skulls because I died twice that day.)

It’s strange because I do not have these strong reactions in my everyday life outside of reading and TV. I don’t find myself having the same level of intensity. If I were to describe the comparison of emotional reaction between life outside of media and my attachment to media, it’s almost like a parallel circuit. I will even draw a diagram below:

Voltage represents the intensity of emotions. Path A involves multiple resistors which represent the every day events outside of media. Here, each resistor has less voltage (less emotional reaction). Path B has only one resistor which represents fictional media I consume as a whole. There’s only one resistor which means it has LOTS of voltage, meaning that I experience more emotional intensity towards media than the events of day-to-day life. *Sigh.* What a terrible analogy. I do not know why basics physics came to mind.

I think a lot of my friends who I’ve confided in misunderstand me. This does not mean that I value the lives of fictional characters over my own life. (That’s not healthy.) I place equal importance in both aspects, and hence, that’s why I drew a parallel circuit! The same total amount of voltage travels through each path.

I value media because it’s an opportunity for me to immerse myself in something new, to be able to learn something I’ve never thought about before. It’s an opportunity to be able to empathize with certain characters, to change your perspective, to be able to apply what you have learned from media into real life. So while media and life outside of media seem like separate entities, they are— for me, personally— very connected. The lessons I intake from media combined with real-world experiences make up who I am. Two different paths, but it is still part of the same circuit. (I feel so cheesy for saying that 😂)

Before I’ve always limited myself to being just an observer, never actually participating in discussions. I’d keep my thoughts and feelings about whatever I read or watched to myself in a little notebook. (I have managed to use all the pages of that notebook!) Maybe visit forums or watch YouTube analysis videos and see what others have to say, but I never participated. Only recently have I felt this surge of intensity (borderline overwhelming). And because of this, I have the strong urge to express these ideas and feelings to people who get it and are happy to talk about it.

I mentioned this before, how you’re the reason I downloaded Tumblr and started participating in a community. And I sincerely mean it. It’s because of the fluffy and/or smoldering emotions that bombarded me because of your fics. It was too good, how could I not acknowledge how much positive emotions you 🫵 made me feel. Not only because of how indulgent and engaging (😏) your fics are, but because of how you imbue the essence of Nanami Kento himself into it (and you deny being a goat 🐐). And this prompted me to think more critically about why I admire Nanami Kento, which led to very blissful discussions of Nanami and more character analysis!

This is why I feel an enormous amount of gratitude towards the community. Especially you, @mrhaitch, and @rahuratna. For being open to talk to, for having genuine interest in these in-depth conversations, and for taking the time and effort out of their day to be so thoughtful. It’s very, very meaningful to me.

*This ask has undergone two rounds of revision. I hope it’s comprehensible-ish? 🥹

It's absolutely comprehensible, and a delight to read. Thank you. I adore it.

So, I am speaking as someone who's neuromild, but firstly I suspect you're neurospicy. This isn't an issue, but I have seen and heard this reported much more amongst the neurospicy, especially those with a tendency to hyperfixate on media forms, who perhaps find it slightly more difficult to read and relate to others in 'real life' situations. I only raise this as a contextual element to my upcoming Thoughts™️. I, as a neuromild, also experience it though (just to reassure you).

Characters in books, and the storylines attached to them, are 100% designed to be relatable or repulsive, and to provoke a certain reaction in you. It is structural, deliberate, mapped, with signposts showing you the way. There are even side paths mapped out; you can take detours down trails to explore the reactions of others to this character and scenario, the wider societal impact of events, the past or the future related to these characters or events. Characters and situations are very often explored extremely thoroughly, with just the right terrain to lead you by the hand through how you should feel.

Daily life and daily interactions and daily demands are rarely so well mapped, extensive or well signposted. The ground is tarmacked, genuine emotion suppressed behind facades of social expectation. People won't tell you or show you how they feel, or think, and there is no omniscient narrator behind them to fill in the blanks. Side routes have no-entry signs; you must be Level 10 or over to access this information! You don't want to walk this path, but it's the only route available, and as such, you must; and your disappointment at being on this path makes you look at the ground instead of the sky.

We yearn for connection. We yearn for the power to resolve our own problems and to be the masters of our own story, and at every turn we are corseted by societal restraint, daily tedium, and barely 10-20% of the volume of information and stimulation that media forms will give us. And when our brains cannot work out the difference between adoring real life characters and scenarios, and adoring fictional characters and scenarios, it goes for the bigger meal; why have 10-20% when you could have 100%?

Even worse! Your feet ache and your heart aches, and new paths appear, leading you to fandom and other people who are enjoying this journey as much as you. You can't resist, a glutton for more; why have 100% when you can have 120%? And people aren't writing fanfiction about real life. If they do, it's fiction, and while it's juicy it's still not as satisfying as fantasy, which offers so much more.

This holds hands with your voltage theory, I think.

Again, I say this as a neuromild instead of a neurospicy, but I am guilty of this too. I do often feel greater intensity of emotion for fictional scenarios because they are designed to be that way. When you have a vivid imagination, and are intelligent, as clearly you are, that stimulation sends fireworks through you. You are absolutely alight, every nerve stimulated, and the emotion just fizzlepopping through you.

I don't believe you're 'abnormal', but it is always good to self-reflect. Are fictional scenarios and media forms reducing your ability to enjoy/feel things for real people and daily life, or do you enjoy/feel things for real people and daily life as much as you always did? Think carefully now. The relative hugeness of the things you feel for fictional scenarios may, at first, convince you that it's the former, and convince you that you're slowly becoming numb to life. If you work out that it's the latter, and you are not becoming numb to life, then this sounds like a healthy, if extreme, response to media forms. If you're gradually becoming more numb, we need to address the root issues, mental health worries or life/social dissatisfaction or need to escape something pathologically unaddressed, often being the answer.

I often feel different. I often feel like I connect to emotion harder and more viscerally than the people around me. I am a social chameleon, and exceptionally good at being whatever a social situation wants me to be. @mrhaitch understands what lies underneath, and gets to experience me as I am at base. I often spend so much time being another version of myself, that I forget who I am, and have to come back to myself.

I tend to suppress or limit my involvement, because I like taking the overview, allowing my feelings and opinions to develop as new information comes to light. I am self-possessed over my own opinions and their ability to grow and change, and as such, don't feel pressurised to feel a certain way. I don't feel the need to engage in fandom rhetoric, and actually, I strongly dislike engaging with it; this is as close as I'll get. Being a 'creator' suits me well. I almost never discuss my thoughts and feelings about series' etc aloud, in comments or real life. I'd discuss it, if prompted, but I certainly don't seek it out.

There is also the core part of me that needs/wants to maintain a certain image in real life, and as such, most people don't know that I'm even into anime. The barest couple of people, I can count on one hand, know that I even write. I'm fine with this; I am perfectly happy to conceal parts of myself, that belong to me alone, with my long-suffering husband as a privileged/punished bystander.

I think extreme emotional connection to media forms can show good empathy. I would overall be more concerned about someone who does not show deep emotional responses to media forms that are designed to make them feel this way. I believe that progressive societal numbing to emotion is routinely seen in daily life, and begins in childhood; how many of us recall being told that our emotional reactions are abnormal, irregular, over the top or embarrassing? We learn to suppress, early on. This leaks out, and we suppress more and more as we grow, becoming number and number to the struggles of those around us. Progressive degradation of empathy is real, and we can and should resist.

r.e. my writing, and me, though I viscerally hate to discuss my personality like this: I can acknowledge two traits I have; I am eloquent with a broad vocabulary, and I am very good at making other people feel how I want them to feel. This counts for real life and writing. This is good, and bad, and I try very hard not to be the Evil™️ version of myself. I write with an aim, and I like critical hits. I'm a perfectionist and I always have been. I'm sorry to hurt you in this way. I usually use this socially (not consciously, it's just how I am) or at work, where I advocate for women and make sure they feel loved and safe. I'm quite good at it. Channelling this into creating stories for other people to enjoy has been an ability I didn't know I had until very recently.

I agree that @rahuratna is a very rare talent. Arguably, I find her to be an exceptionally uncommon author. She would do very, very well to write a novel, if she ever felt it. Her writing skill is phenomenal. I only wish I had more time to read all of her work; I sadly find myself having to choose how to spend the very limited social time I have, and I often choose writing, as it relaxes me more than reading. But please know, rahuratna, I'm coming for you. Also know, @bunny584 is one of the rare ones, I'm my humble opinion.

Perhaps that's why you like my writing? Just thoughts.

Thanks for the amazing Inbox. I don't often get the time to do massive responses but I absolutely try my hardest.

Good talk!

Love, always,

-- Haitch xxx

[starjxsung]

Star? How do you feel about skz right now? Everyone is telling you how they feel what do you feel?

immediately starts crying my eyes out

I feel very disillusioned. And I keep throwing around that word, but it’s really the only thing that captures the sheer confusion, frustration, anger and just disappointment I feel.

It’s such a profound whiplash to go from consuming silly little dance challenge tik toks, be hit with 16 new magazine covers of them, see them attend the met gala and luxury fashion events that openly fund all of this, and even befriend somebody so terrible. I’ve been donating since November to the same foundation Felix is a part of, and I wake up every single day staring my Felix collection in the face just hoping he’s on the right side of history. But realistically, shouldn’t an honorary ambassador live up to that title? Is the activism only limited to what he’s comfortable supporting? Why are we even allowing people to be comfortable when children and families and entire lineages are being wiped out?

I’m frustrated with so many of the creators on here as well. Ones who are so comfortable saying “these are just smut blogs at the end of the day” or “I’m not talking about it for personal reasons”. Veiled statements for not taking a stance- or even maybe just supporting a genocide. Ones who aren’t openly holding their own friends- ones who THEY helped platform on here for months, accountable. It’s giving apologist on so many levels. When you put your kpop idols and little blurbs of what’s essentially just porn, above the lives of human beings- there’s a profound issue with that. It just screams privileged and uneducated. I’ve lost so many mutuals this week and I’m continuing to lose followers as I speak about it and I know many people would prefer if I said nothing. But as authors, we beg to be treated like humans on here and not robots- and that extends to my moral beliefs. I am 25 years old and I openly take stances and I’m very passionately vocal about the liberation of Palestine. I think you ought to check your privilege if you can sit back and say “I don’t want to talk about it for personal reasons” or “I’m not interested in what’s going on”. I have felt such a detachment to this blog for so long now and it just continues to worsen as all of this unfolds. Watching people support terrible creators on here and come into my inbox saying “we should all be allowed to have an opinion” I feel like I’m going crazy here. I just want to help out as much as I can, and the fact that people don’t feel the same empathy many of us do is so scary to me.

I am frustrated with skz and with kpop as a whole. I just wish it could be simpler to consume this form of escapism without having to wonder where they stand on all of this. Or at least to lessen these promotions by a little- but it doesn’t feel like a coincidence that we have new content by the MINUTE. They know the fans are talking. They know we aren’t happy.

Very realistically speaking, I don’t know how much longer I’ll be on tumblr. Not for all of this alone, but it’s certainly an added factor. I’m very tired and I just feel….. inadequate, as a creator, to put it simply. I continue to work on a fic I started months ago, among other things, and I do sincerely hope they can see the light of day on my blog. But stayblr has been tough to navigate for a little while now, at least on my corner of the internet.

I’m not going anywhere just yet, but I also don’t want to leave anybody in the dark about how I feel lately. I’m trying to prioritize my health again and I want to return to therapy and I’m just not the same person I was when I published any of my work previously. It’s all very taxing

So…. Yeah. Disillusioned, is the best way I can put it. I do really appreciate everyone who’s reached out and who’s facilitated healthy conversation on here. I think it helps to talk about these things and to know where people stand as it pertains to our community. I’m trying my best and I promise you guys I won’t leave if not with a formal goodbye first, if or when it comes to that.

Thank you for reaching out and thank you for asking, I appreciate you so much and I’m sending all my love ❤️🫶

[copperbadge]

I know you don't like Twitter, and I'm not sure how much of this has leaked into the mainstream, but Republicans are *freaking out* because gas stoves aren't all that healthy for kids and aren't great for the environment. And obviously electric stoves are terrible. Someone started talking about induction burners, and isn't that what you use? Or did once? Does it work really well? Or was it just better than what you had?

Yep, when I moved out of my old place (gas stove) and into my new place (elderly electric stove in a much smaller kitchen) I bought an induction burner and set it up. FWIW, Republicans are not the only ones freaking out -- pretty much every news outlet I've seen has covered the issue, some ongoing for weeks now. So it behooves us to talk about alternatives!

Point to know: the study found that gas stoves are dangerous because they tend to leak significant parts per million into the air when not turned on -- ie, they don’t have good seals against leakage when they aren’t in operation. In a well-ventilated home this is not a huge deal, but it’s still not great. What this means is that simply buying and using an induction burner instead of your gas stove is not a solution -- you need to have the gas line capped and/or gas turned off completely, in order to solve the issue.

Anyway, you can get a full induction stovetop (they're not cheap) and I've never worked with those, but the more common setup is a single induction burner that plugs into the wall, basically like a hot plate, but with the control, heat, and speed of a gas burner. That's what I have; I'm on my second, since my first wore out. They run about $40-$100 for a single burner. I got a decent one from Ikea of all places. When not in use, I hang it on a hook on the wall to make counter space, which is nice. 

Induction burners do not in themselves get hot; they use magnetism to heat the pan sitting on them, which does get hot. Food cooks at roughly the same speed as it would on a gas stove, and you can control the heat in much the same way, although most induction burners have a digital touchpad where you raise or lower the temperature rather than a knob. The single burners can be a bit noisy -- “have to turn my podcast up while cooking” noisy though, not like “jet engine” noisy. 

I don't really understand how they function other than “magnets are involved”. The downside of an induction burner is that there are limits to the pans you can use. The pan has to be made of a metal that is reactive to magnets -- so I can't use my lovely spun aluminum pans or the ceramic pans I have, and most nonstick pans don't work (teflon's bad for you anyway but sometimes you just need a damn nonstick pan). If you have an induction range or want to cook on an induction burner you need to take a magnet with you if you shop for pans, because if the magnet won't stick the pan won't work on the burner. Cast iron does work on induction burners, as do most steel and steel-clad pans.

I love my induction burner. I'd love to get a full induction stove but it just wasn't in the cards this time around, and electric stoves have come a long way so I’m not displeased with my electric stove. The induction burner I have works great, heats fast, functions like a gas stove in pretty much every respect, it just doesn't have an open flame and some of my pans don't work on it. Can recommend, especially if you are sensitive to gas or live in a home not piped for gas, it's a great way to go. Not cheap, but worth the cost.

[naokiscoffee]

What makes Itazura na Kiss: Love in Tokyo so special?

Season 01 Episode 02

We’re once again starting the episode strong. Kotoko’s strongest personality points are shining as brightly as ever.

“I can’t forgive Naoki, that’s why I’m serious this time, I will beat Naoki on these final exams”

Her determination, seriousness, and optimism are taking the wheel. Unfortunately, this also highlights how unsupportive her friends are. Truth be told if someone who’s in the lowest grades class says she will beat the student who’s first place in studying is hard to take that seriously.

When faced with this, Kotoko quickly settles for being on the bulletin board; or basically having her name written on the same paper as Naoki. Now this is a more realistic goal that I can get by. Her friends though think differently.

This here is very important. This is exactly what sets Kotoko apart from the rest of the people around her. Her friends limit themselves by saying “No way! We’re in Class F you know”, yet she doesn’t let herself be held down by such restricting thoughts or preconceptions. This is a very healthy and admirable way of thinking.

Also, I absolutely love how she’s doing all of this just to get back on Naoki for saying “I don't like girls without a brain”.

Something I hadn’t realised last re-watch is just how much of a pivoting moment this is for Kotoko. Naoki’s changes have always been obvious to me, but I never realised how Kotoko had also changed. I cannot picture Kotoko aiming for the top 100th place under any other circumstances.

I always really enjoy the dinner scenes in this version, they make everything so much more cosy and domestic. Another subtle detail that can easily be overlooked is how Naoki’s eyes follow Kotoko for a split second as she makes her way upstairs to study. He’s already showing interest in her.

Noriko is living her dream; she’s making midnight snacks, and she even has someone to vent to about how Naoki. She also feels close enough to Kotoko to speak to her about her worries and fears, and she even shows her pictures of Naoki as a child, which she would have probably never shown anyone else.

When Noriko speaks about how she misses taking pictures, my brain immediately jumps to when Kotoko becomes the reason why she gets back into the hobby later on (Kotoko has awakened the photographing beast in Noriko lol). This is also when Noriko first gets the feeling that Kotoko might like her son.

“Irie was already handsome even when he was little”

(I can already see Noriko’s brain going: so you think my son is handsome?!!)

Unfortunately, despite her seemingly innocent intentions, Noriko has seriously scarred Naoki by having him cross-dress as a child. This also helps us understand why he is so afraid of being wrapped up in a scandal at school (think back to the confession scene in the last episode).

Kotoko’s friends are beginning to notice the change I mentioned earlier, and don’t know what to make out of it. Just then, Naoki just pops up out of thin air. I really like the camerawork in this drama, and how the camera work conceals him so that his arrival is a surprise for us as well.

This is also an iconic moment, we’re learning more about Naoki; he would rather break his own rule and talk to her at school than take out a girl's bento box (and to potentially have people figure out that they are living together) (the trauma and fear are still there).

“if your nosy classmates see this it would cause a commotion”

Bro, you have already caused a commotion.

This scene here is a gold mine. For the first time ever, we are seeing Naoki get extremely worked up. Up till this point, nothing anyone has said or done has affected his stoic attitude, yet Kotoko has managed to do it, and I am eating it up. I know, they’re not a couple yet, he doesn’t like her yet, and they’re basically fighting, but nonetheless, I find this scene to be terribly cute.

Our girl is not only positive and hardworking, she’s also generous; she offers the picture back as long as he tutors her for a week, to get into the top 100. That’s a reasonable offer if you ask me.

“in other words, it’s a waste of time to challenge the impossible” Kotoko has proven this statement wrong, time after time.

“Mom, could you make snacks for two? and bring them to Kotoko’s room please?”

Naoki is finally beginning to have an outward sign of the change that’s taking place and is very nonchalant about it. By saying this he is also … everyone that he’s helping her study. This shift is clearly very shocking for all of the family.

Also, a few small details that are easily missed; Naoki has enough tact to get Kotoko’s permission before entering her room, but he doesn’t have enough sense to keep the door to her room open, while Kotoko leaves it open a few moments earlier. I haven’t decided yet if this is just Naoki having a lower EQ, or if it’s him knowing his family’s ways better.

All the bickering that has been happening this far makes this interaction feel warm and domestic. You can also see the two of them symbolically start to blend together; she’s studying (which is his thing), and he’s using her ridiculous pen; he organised and printed out a neat table, yet he uses her cute flowery washi tape to tape it together, and she crosses out the days with stickers. We’ve already seen them influence each other personality-wise, and now we have a physical representation of it.

Naoki is already beginning to not only adjust to Kotoko but to even accommodate her, we see him accommodating her as he’s helping her practice her vocab at school; “on purpose” “What?” “On papasu”.  Our man troubled himself with going ahead and writing down a whole exam for Kotoko, and is even patiently and calmly explaining the equation to her. 10 points in his favour!

Another point that requires close observation; when Naoki and Kotoko fall asleep, neither has a blanket on, but in the morning, when Naoki wakes up, he has a blanket around him. Now if you look in Kotoko’s spot and all around the room, you’ll see that there’s no other blanket in sight. I think it’s safe to conclude that Kotoko was the one who put the blanket over him after having woken up first.

This, this is Kotoko as seen through Naoki’s eyes. As he makes his way into the kitchen he does a double take, and this is what he sees. I am sorry to say this, but this boy is already smitten.

Even though Kotoko can’t cook to save her life, she can obviously make a heck of a good coffee, which, as @Machitsuki2 mentioned in one of her videos, is basically the only thing he actually likes.

Now it’s exam day, and as Naoki makes his way down, he slows down a bit, perhaps in hesitation. Here, again, we see them adapting to each other; Kotoko is not outright speaking to him, and is thus somewhat abiding by his rules; and Naoki actually speaks to her willingly.

We’re transported to three days later; exams are over, and Kotoko runs around the school with Kinnouske’s arm around her. Watanabe, who is perhaps Naoki’s only friend (who is often overlooked, but is an amazing character), is also perhaps Naoki’s only source of emotional reason. He’s already poking Naoki towards being jealous since Kotoko has already “moved on to another boy”.

“it’s none of my business,” he says, as his eyes keep following her. My man, that is not something someone who doesn’t care would say or do. Another big change, Naoki is actually beginning to socialise with his classmates, something that even shocks Watanabe.

“you have never done anything like this in all three years here”

Think back to episode one when Kinnouske was gathering donations for Kotoko. What did Kotoko tell him in a fit of rage…?

If your answer was “Do you even have friends?” Then you are correct!! I’ll leave the rest to you.

The more I see Kotoko, the more I love her; she goes straight to the first place to make sure that Naoki is not affected by helping her. Naoki follows in her footsteps and only looks at her results. He also breaks his only rule, and actually talks to her at school, and has the audacity to then say “I told you this many times already, don’t talk to me at school”.

When Kotoko goes over the quote that Naoki mentioned earlier, he even smiles at her.

Now, unfortunately here’s where all hell breaks loose. We were making great progress, but this next part is an absolute setback. Ironically, a rumour comes out once again, also technically caused by Noriko, with the additional help of Kotoko’s friends. Regardless of the outcome, the picture was in fact a sweet gesture from Noriko.

In spite of everything, I feel terrible for Kotoko; her friends not only undermined her efforts on the exam when they learned that Naoki tutored her, they even broke the promise of not telling anyone about them living together, on top of that, Naoki is (understandably) very mad at her.

“since you wrote a love letter to me, perhaps you don't mind the rumour. but it really bothers me. Don’t screw up my life anymore”

This statement just proves that rumour is what bothers him and what holds him back, and Kotoko is there to fix that.

One minor omission from the Manga that I feel would have been a great addition/introspective is this scene.

We see Naoki leave before Kotoko begins to cry. In the Manga, Naoki sees Kotoko crying before She storms off. now this is a very minor difference, but it would serve as a good explanation for a few later events.

Bonus:

It’s all in the details; Kinnouske wiping down the table after picturing Kotoko as a servant is top-tier comedy.

[pineapplerightsideupcake]

I’ve been struggling how to word this, and I’m sure it sounds terrible, but I don’t have much sympathy for de trans ppl. I’m not saying they deserve it or that I’m happy some suffered, especially if they’re young but it’s really difficult to hold sympathy and concern when most trans ppl are very obnoxious and delusional. Let me explain: I have a lot of trans friends that it’s very difficult to get them to listen and they’re very stuck in their mindset. I know a guy who looks like a man, calls himself nonbinary and has said he uses the woman bathroom. He takes estrogen and use to have a big beard. I asked him why he wasn’t shaving before and he said his beard doesn’t cause him dysphoria….it seems like a lot of trans ppl are very narcissistic and don’t listen anyway. It’s like when you’re trying to help someone and they keep rejecting you and falling deeper. I am worried one of my friends will definitely de transition in the future, and by then well, it’s gonna be too late, the testosterone has done its damage and she will suffer. I read the de trans subreddit, and I do feel sorry for some and most talk about isolating themselves from family and friends. sorry this is getting long. I feel bad about it, and I’m trying to hard to emphasize but many trans ppl make it difficult. It feels like a massive “I told you so” situation. Please give me advice on how to develop a kinder understanding so I can stop feeling guilty…..

So I wanted to take my time to answer this one because I think this taps into an especially heinous thing the modern left + social media has done to people and it’s the belief that a good person has endless empathy for everyone always and has special empathy for marginalized people.

But here’s the truth. You literally aren’t built for it. At the most basic psychological level you are not designed to have deep empathy for strangers. Your brain has a hierarchy of how much you care about others and a healthy mind prioritizes the people closest to you. More importantly, love and empathy are finite. You actually do have a limit on how many people you can truly care about. That’s not my opinion it’s proven science. We have a literal number (I think it’s about 80).

So it’s a beautiful thing when we care about people outside of our circle. It’s even more beautiful when we care about people far away that aren’t like us. But it’s beautiful precisely because it isn’t natural. It’s a conscious effort to care enough about earthquake victims on the other side of the planet to donate and raise awareness.

My point being that it’s okay that you don’t overflow with love for a group that is hostile towards you AND is full of narcissistic trenders. You can have sympathy for the people that regret surgery without absolving them. And maybe I intuitively understood this because I had to love so many addicts growing up. But empathy doesn’t mean never holding people accountable. It breaks my heart that my aunt has emphysema but she brought that fate on herself, one cigarette at a time. You can have sympathy for people with genuine dysphoria and still think they’re deluded. You can have sympathy for people that were brainwashed as kids and still expect them to examine their values. And you can think others are just self absorbed assholes. You can condemn the patriarchy for convincing so many young that they are worthless that they are choosing the Trans man path and still hold them accountable for throwing around homophobic slurs. You can have sympathy for trans women that are fighting sepsis from bottom surgery and still regard most of them as sex pests.

Empathy is finite. It is not on or off. It is not something we owe to a person because they are struggling.

Treat the people around you with kindness and respect. Pour your energy into a few meaningful things instead of dozens of empty ‘causes’. Torturing yourself over if you feel nice enough on the inside is so…Catholic. It’s female socialization.

Breathe. You’re a good person.

[azimachra]

You know what’s annoying? The fact that people are right about exercise. For years and years I told myself that I wasn’t an athlete. I’d tried more sports than I could count on my fingers and I was bad or disliked all of them. I’m slow so track didn’t work. Ice skating was fun but everyone started so much younger than I did and I felt like I would never catch up. My hand eye coordination and reaction time are actually terrible so tennis was a disaster. The list goes on.

Eventually I convinced myself that sports just weren’t for me. Everyone told me that being active in some way or another would improve my mood and help me get better sleep. I knew from experience that sports and being active would do nothing but make me (more) miserable. I relegated myself to the position of the eternal nerd. I didn’t need *sports* to live a fulfilled life or to feel good in my body.

Cut to a year and a half ago. I had some childhood experience with martial arts (I stopped in middle school because it wasn’t feminine enough or something like that) and decided after some of the quarantine restrictions lifted that I wanted to try again. the place I trained when I was younger went under during the height of covid and that sport was pretty rare so there was nowhere else to train. I chose a martial art I’d heard about at random - Brazilian Jiu Jitsu - and tried it.

I’d like to say that I was a prodigy, that I understood the sport instinctually, that I was praised by my coaches for my natural talent. That, unfortunately, would be a lie. I was downright terrible when I started. Everything was so difficult. Other people understood the principles and applications in a way that I couldn’t. It seemed like everyone was either way more advanced than me or twice my size. The first few months, I was learning techniques and training but I still didn’t get it. My coach told me that the instinct would come with time. I was worried that this would just be another piece of proof that I’m not athletic, that I don’t have the body or mental fortitude. I was scared of failing, but I loved the sport. Since then, I’ve massively improved. Some things that I struggled with before have fallen into place and I’ve found new things to struggle with. I’m competent for my level and I even competed in a tournament. Has it been easy? No. Do I always feel confident in my ability? Absolutely not. But BJJ has undeniably changed my life for the better. I feel more comfortable in my body, I’ve gotten stronger and more resilient, found a new community, and yes it totally has helped with my sleep schedule and emotional wellbeing.

While I love BJJ I am not promising that you will too (although it is amazing for self defense, a skill everyone benefits from but is extra useful to women and femme presenting folks in our current society). What I’m trying to say is that despite my years of disbelief it turns out that everyone was in fact correct about physical activity/sports being good for you. It also turns out that I was wrong about my belief that I was inherently un-athletic. I also want to say that you can do this on your terms. There are so many more ways to move your body than just hitting a ball with a stick or running in circles. Don’t let yourself stay trapped in a cage with fictional bars; in an 80’s movie trope where you can only be a jock or a nerd; in a mindset that limits you from being happy and healthy. Find something that makes you excited to do because I promise, it is out there.

[agerefandom]

10 Favourite Regression Dynamics

I’ve made lists of some characters I headcanon as regressors, and characters I headcanon as caregivers: and I love a good ‘character and reader’ dynamic, but here are some canon dynamics that I LOVE to add age regression to! 

Important note: these aren’t necessarily romantic ‘ships’ and they might not be healthy age regression dynamics but they’re dynamics I find it rewarding to write about! 

1. regressor!Will and caregiver!Hannibal (NBC Hannibal) 

Starting strong with a regression dynamic that is not healthy but it is such an interesting thing to add to their existing codependence! Will gives me such agere vibes and Hannibal’s existing trauma around his big brother history make this such an interesting dynamic to explore. It definitely tilts the power balance faaaar in the direction of someone who will take the opportunity to do terrible things with it, but that’s basically what you’re signing up for with any story about Hannibal Lecter. 

2. regressor!Jack and caregiver!Bitty (Check Please!) 

No one exudes stronger caregiver vibes than Bitty: I’m definitely a supporter of this as a double-flip pairing (with both regressing and caregiving) but I want the sad hockey man to get cuddles, goshdarnit, and you know that Bitty would just be the sweetest most thoughtful caregiver and I just gah they’re already such a good pairing with such canonically developed communication as a couple and I would love to see that skill applied to something as vulnerable as regression 

 3. regressor!Harry and caregiver!Sirius (Harry Potter) 

If anyone deserves a chance at a second childhood, it’s Harry Potter. And I think that when he connected with Sirius as a young teen, he really saw that possibility. I think it would be so sweet to see Sirius actually able to give Harry that full parenting: both at the age he is now, and all the ages that he missed. I just strongly feel like Harry is a regressor, and as much as I like writing him with peers supporting him, I feel like he deserves a real parent figure who can support him in that role in and out of regression, especially in his teen years. 

4. regressor!Jon and caregiver!avatars (Magnus Archives) 

Okay, this is more of a whump thing than a good dynamic, but I just want to see little!Jon dealing with avatars when they’re being nice to him, and it’s like 90% manipulation but it’s also a bunch of monsters being sweet and you can kind of read it as genuine if you squint. I’ve got a vision and it includes literally any of the not-quite-human characters of the Magnus Archives, ranging from the mostly-sweet (End!Gerry) to the completely-terrifying (Bouchard). 

5. regressor!Tony, caregiver!Pepper (Marvel) 

This is the first pairing that ever made me run to write regression fanfiction, and I do believe that I would not be an agere writer without them. Ironically, I’ve never finished and published any of my fics about them, but they have my whole heart. Taking Tony’s earlier unthinking dependence on Pepper and bringing it back in a healthy way, with limits and negotiation and emotional vulnerability, showing how much they’ve grown as a couple? Yes please!! 

6. regressor!Cullens, caregivers!Carlisle and Esme (Twilight)

I am such! a! sucker! for immortal beings finding a way to reclaim the concept of time and childhood. Carlisle and Esme canonically find a lot of value in being parents, and considering that they’re such a range of ages, I think that regression is a neat way to create that dynamic, and I just like big groups of regressors in a family and it scratches all of those interests in one!! 

7. regressor!Morty, flip!Rick (Rick and Morty) 

It’s the toxicity for me!!! I make no claims that this would be a good thing, but also I enjoy writing about the things that trigger Rick’s ‘oh shit I have feelings’ mode and you can’t tell me that regression would not key into that, both in his own experiences as a flip and then having to face it as part of Morty’s trauma. And Morty simultaneously trying to get away into independence but getting drawn back by Rick’s kindness in this single circumstance ties into all of the terrible themes of the show. 

8. regressor/caregiver flips Dean and Sam (Supernatural) 

Speaking of codependence, I cannot choose which of these boys is more symbolically resonant to have as a regressor, and both of them certainly have enough trauma to make it a viable coping mechanism. I think they have the art of balancing each other down to an art: especially in the early seasons, you can really see that process in the way they take turns being the Angry one. Writing about that balance in the context of regression is an interesting concept, and then the way that Dean relates to caregiving versus needing care, and Sam’s desperation to be the reliable one... it’s just a lot of tasty angst to play with alongside the sweet opportunity for a childhood without the war they were raised to fight. 

9. regressor!Erik, caregiver!Christine (Phantom of the Opera) 

Okay, this one is like ninety percent for the aesthetics, because you do need to do some handwaving over canon to make it fluffy. But Erik needs reparenting, and flipping the relationship from the original dynamic with Erik as a kind of father-figure is a nice way to reclaim the story from the original gothic maiden themes. 

10. regressor!Dave, caregiver!Roxy (Homestuck)

All hail my Ride Or Die regression dynamic!!! It’s basically canon and I stand by that! Dave called her mom and said that it feels nice to think of her as a mom because he had such a mixed experience with his own parental figure. And she’s got her own complicated feelings about parenthood and guardianship, but says that she likes it when Dave calls her mom, and it all just makes me very happy.  

This has been my TEDtalk on my favourite regression dynamics!! Thank you for coming!! 

[armandjolras]

This will be rambly and overly personal, but ive been wanting to talk about Fosca as chronic illness representation, and why the musical version of her is especially relatable in this sense.

(I also haven’t read the book, so maybe some changes im attributing to the musical are from the book)

In the movie, Fosca’s illness almost seems an extension of her ugliness, meant to horrify the viewer. Ugliness takes focus as her main burden; we’re told that she was shunned for her looks as a child and are shown many jumpscare shots of her face. Sickness is merely a consequence of ugliness. When not acutely ill, she seems quite healthy, even energetic. (Obviously having seizures is a very serious illness in real life, i just mean the way it’s presented in the movie).

Most interesting to me, she doesn’t seem depressed at all; she’s quite upbeat and witty. Her manipulative toxicity in the movie doesn’t come from depression, but rather because she’s never been treated as a woman due to being an outcast, so she doesn’t feel she has to adhere to the decorum of one.

In the musical, I see Fosca’s illness as being much more than just an extension of being ugly. It appears to affect her continuously between acute episodes, and she moves wearily as if fighting pain and discomfort at every moment. While suffering over ugliness still caused her illness in this version, that ugliness is not as emphasised. We’re told that her parents loved her rather than shunning her, so she wasn’t an outcast, and she’s depicted as more pathetic spinster than scary Nosferatu.

She is also clearly depressed. In my opinion, her toxic behaviour comes not from flouting social norms, but from the desperation of depression. Maybe others also relate to being depressed and behaving badly as a cry for help, unable to stop despite knowing you’re being toxic, because you need acknowledgment from people. I see Fosca’s behaviour this way. Georgio is the first person who is nice to her, so she physically can’t stop trying to extract love from him by any means, even when she admits she’s in the wrong.

I relate to Fosca strongly in this. Since 2020 I’ve struggled with multiple chronic illnesses which have limited my physical abilities; today I cant even sit upright for more than 15 minutes, some days less. Since I dont have any family or friends in the country where I’m living, and went through diagnosis and surgery alone mid Covid, at times I’ve felt very isolated. In 2022 i could tell I was behaving a lot like Fosca — I didnt do anything super toxic, but I was putting too much emotional burden on my long-distance parents even as I knew I was stressing them out and upsetting them. It felt like such a compulsion, because I was scared and isolated and wanted someone else to know how much I was suffering so I wouldn’t be alone it it. I’m much healthier mentally now, but that took therapy and medication which Fosca doesn’t have. Its a terrible feeling to see your world getting smaller and your dreams becoming less possible, and going through that alone.

I’ve had a lot of frustration towards how my illnesses have limited what I can do, and i have to make an effort not to be resentful towards healthier people. The line “I read about the joys the world / Dispenses to the fortunate / And listen for the echoes” really captures this. “I know how soon a dream becomes an expectation / How can I have expectations?” When your world gets smaller, you have to give up your hopes bit by bit so you dont get hurt. “Look at me / No, captain, look at me / Look at me!” In her desperation she demands his attention, even when she knows she’s being rude and repelling him, she just feels compelled to connect with someone.

I know “I Read” can be interpreted as being about her ugliness rather than of physical illness, and maybe that actually is the correct interpretation. But I’m very convinced that musical Fosca is depressed in a way that movie Fosca is not, and most of her words and actions stem from that. I also believe that by placing less emphasis on her shocking ugliness, it only makes since that a lot of her suffering is due to her physical illness. 

(And I also relate to Fosca’s final letter, where she says that appreciating the beauty in the world around you makes you want to go on living. Being ill has taught me to be much more grateful for small things in life.)

Other disclaimers: I dont mean Fosca’s suffering in the movie is NOT about her illness, in both versions its a combo of ugliness + illness. I just think they’re in different ratios. Also im not trying to be a Fosca apologist, I know shes super toxic and a stalker and essentially an incel, and also super annoying, I just understand her perspective. And finally I do like movie Fosca! Shes iconic I just relate to musical Fosca more.

[whentherewerebicycles]

processing some weight gain stuff under the cut

okay. in 18 weeks of pregnancy I have gained 15 pounds, which according to the guidelines I was given is a LOT more than I’m supposed to have gained at this stage. based on my starting weight I am only supposed to gain 15-25 lbs total across the entire pregnancy, which idk people seem to be mixed on whether that’s actually realistic but that is what the doctor says. in the last two weeks I went up 4 lbs, and that was with a terrible cold that totally killed my appetite and made it very easy to not indulge in holiday food (I couldn’t taste anything). I am exercising a little less (30-45 min daily walks instead of 45-75) but not like, SO much less yknow? and I have also been tracking my caloric intake on an app to make sure I’m not going over (although I think my real motivation there is if a doctor gives me a hard time about weight gain I’m going to be like yeah well here’s 15+ weeks of data on my eating habits so you tell ME what’s going on).

the point is that based on a calories in calories out model I shouldn’t be gaining this much weight this fast but I am. that’s just what seems to be happening! so I think I just have to LET GO and accept that my body is going to do whatever it thinks is best to support the pregnancy. I can still make good choices but I need to decouple the choices from the outcomes. or like, I need to accept that my good choices will produce good outcomes (I’ll be eating nourishing food and moving my body regularly!) but those outcomes will probably not include weight loss or a slowing of weight gain. here is what I will continue doing:

meal plan every week—I might want to start thinking about meal planning snacks too esp as I am feeling hungrier during the day

eat lots of fruits and vegetables every day

eat very limited amounts of processed foods and watch out for added sugars

walk briskly for 30-45 min a day

go to this hourlong weights class at least 2x a week (ideally 3x) and tack on 20-25 min of cardio on the bike after

I could also try going to the gym more often to do low-impact cardio—like trying to work in a couple days a week where I do 45 min on the elliptical while watching an episode of TV. I do find that in the past doing a lot of that mindless low effort activity seems to help with weight maintenance and is pretty easy to sustain because I’m just like, as long as I’m moving it counts! I don’t have to be pushing myself super hard! this is probably most doable for me on the weekends (and if I’m at the gym already it increases the chances that I might decide to run too).

ok so here’s a rough plan:

sat & sun: walk dogs (30-45 min x 2) + try to do 30 min x 2 of extra cardio while watching TV at the gym (or when liz is feeling better I can see if she wants to go together or do pregnancy workout videos)

mon & tues: weights class one of those days depending on work schedule + 20 min extra cardio one day + 30-45 min walk both days

wed: 30-45 min walk

thurs: this is my busy/long day with work stuff and rehearsal, but I can usually squeeze in a 20 min dog walk and could try parking far away and walking into work on days when it isn’t raining to get another 20+ min in

fri: weights class + 30-45 min walk

and I gotta remember I can make the walks less boring by 1) driving to a random neighborhood and walking from there and 2) talking to friends on the phone instead of just listening to stuff.

OKAY. the takeaway is: I DO NOT NEED TO FEEL GUILT OR SHAME ABOUT THE FACT THAT I AM PUTTING ON A LOT OF WEIGHT. I AM FOUR AND A HALF MONTHS PREGNANT! THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT MY BODY IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING! I ALSO REFUSE TO LET DOCTORS OR THE INTERNET MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY ABOUT MY WEIGHT, BECAUSE I KNOW I AM MAKING HEALTHY CHOICES THAT ARE GOOD FOR MY BODY, MY BABY, AND MY MENTAL HEALTH. I ALSO WANT TO GENTLY DECOUPLE GOOD/HEALTHY CHOICES FROM SPECIFIC OUTCOMES. EATING WELL AND STAYING ACTIVE THROUGH MY PREGNANCY MAY NOT KEEP ME FROM GAINING “EXCESS” WEIGHT. BUT IT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER IN MY BODY/SELF. IT WILL ENSURE THAT MY BABY IS GETTING LOTS OF GOOD NUTRIENTS. IT WILL HELP ME SLEEP BETTER AND FOCUS MORE AT WORK. IT WILL HOPEFULLY MAKE LABOR AND RECOVERY A LITTLE BIT EASIER TOO! I AM DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGS AND IT IS OKAY THAT MY BODY IS NOT CONFORMING TO THE PRESCRIBED NORM. I TRUST MY BODY AND ASSUME IT HAS ITS REASONS!!!!!!!!!!!

[tomemyxxmen]

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[moonlatias]

The Vice Virtue of Pride

In Christianity, the story of Lucifer/Satan is that he was the brightest of all the angels, only to fall and become who we know as the Devil because of his “pride.” (Very brief/basic summary, of course.) From this tale, we are to understand that Pride is the most insidious and terrible of sins, for God values Humility, and Pride only serves to separate you from God.

I’ve always valued humility as a virtue my whole life, and still consider it the highest of virtues. But it wasn’t because of the cautionary tale of Satan or anything like that. I think it is more I came to the conclusion that when you have empathy and/or care for others, you naturally gravitate toward being humble. You instinctively know not to consider yourself above others, to view them as equals, to put others ahead of yourself. Not out of fear or obligation, but because it makes you content and happy to help and give.

Pride certainly can bring out the worst in people. See the arrogance of those in power, those with wealth, those who classify people into different groups and rank their treatment and opinion of each. Or even just those who cause harm to themselves or others, out of overconfidence and inability to admit faults and limitations. But at the same time, we are taught to “have pride” in ourselves. Our heritage. Our home. Our identity. Our accomplishments. We long to have our loved ones tell us how proud they are of us. So clearly, society encourages Pride, too.

The only conclusion I could personally come to was that Pride is not always a vice. It can be a virtue… as least as long as you can keep it in balance with Humility. Perhaps a simplistic conclusion, but it was the one I went with and used to guide my morality throughout my life.

Eventually I encountered a quote (in World of Warcraft of all places… yes I’m a WoW nerd) that really summed it up well, and that I often think of.

Pride. It is the most insidious of sha. It is good until it is bad. And then it is more dangerous than all the others combined.

[Sha being the physical manifestations of negative emotions in the game.]

I always liked that take… Pride is good, until it is bad. A healthy amount of Pride in our lives is good, but we must be vigilant to make sure it does not become harmful. This is usually accomplished through tempering Pride with Humility. Everything in moderation.

Recently I have recognized Lucifer as a guiding light and inspiration to me in my life. Maybe he’s been there for a long time and I didn’t realize, or maybe he’s just been such a comfortable presence that I’m not threatened by him or what he usually represents. He is supposed to represent the vice of Pride… but what he has shown me is how it can be a virtue instead. Maybe instead of being so proud he thought he was better than God… he was proud enough to know that he and everyone else deserved better than to be treated as less.

I guess that’s why Lucifer means so much to me, especially at this point in my life. Because he reminds me to hold my head high and not regret my decisions, even if there are consequences. I deserve dignity, and I shouldn’t grovel for love, respect, and happiness.

His knowledge fills me with strength and pride, and Her wisdom guides me to use it with purpose and humility.

[musicallad]

Watch me analyse a decade old kids’ TV show:

I love Violetta, she is an interesting character impeded by the lack of exposure she had to the outside world and kids of her own age. But man, she really puts Leon through it. I’ll often defend Vilu from many unfair attacks she faces but the format of this show where they drag everything out doesn’t help her image a lot of the time. Here me out.

For example, I’m doing a S1 rewatch and I think that initially the Tomas/Leon storyline is very interesting. Someone she thinks she likes cause she literally doesn’t meet anyone her own age and he was the first person (my proof for this being that oftentimes when she thinks of Tomas it’s the very first time they met) and Leon, someone she has chemistry with and is very attentive to her. This is interesting cause it explores how her childhood affected her relationships. But Tomas should have left early. It would’ve been a emotional moment for the show and Violetta as a character. Her “first love” leaving and her having to reckon with that while navigating a healthy, communicative relationship with Leon. Then the show could’ve evolved to include YouMix, Federico (and how that affects Leon/Vilu’s relationship) then other things. Personally I think a Braco and Napo dating storyline would’ve been sick. However, this fascination with Tomas (while creating the absolute banger Habla si puedes) limits the show. Don’t get me wrong, I know its a Disney kids show but I love these characters and think they could have been utilised so much better.

But back to Leon. Don’t get me wrong, he has his terrible moments in S1 but he’s overall a much more likeable and charismatic character than Tomas. He’s very understanding of Vilu’s previously lackluster social life and skills and subsequent romantic confusion but at some point it becomes ridiculous how much he has dealt with in regards to Violetta’s confuddlement (see S1 Ep44 for a sad Leon baby moment about Habla si puedes). And I don’t think this is a flaw with Violetta the character, it’s a flaw with the show I love so dearly but rewatching has made me think about it a lot more. But it means that she comes off as kinda cruel sometimes??? 

Anyway, this has definitely already been said before by those far more articulate than me, I mean this show is literally a decade old, but I just wanted to share my thoughts.   

[sincerely-krp]

A humble, maybe desperate, request

Hello!

I am writing regarding the whole kji vs hs mods/bbh drama going on in the mewerp community right now. I would like to apologize in advance if my English is unnatural as I am not a native speaker. Also forgive me if I am not sending this where I should, I never had a tumblr blog and I am not too sure how it works.

I am a former member of the rp close to Jongin’s mun and I would like to have a sincere heart-to-heart between me and you guys.

Right now I am very concerned about my friend. Clearly neither side handled the issue well, yes, including my friend, and there were many mistakes that only escalated things into the mess that it became. So I was hoping that now that the incident is over, everyone would be able to close the chapter and move on. But now, I see other people bringing the topic up again and again in this blog. I see people who weren’t involved in the first place coming with their own versions of what happened, ranging from baseless lies to half-truths and quotes taken out of context. All this is only making mun upset again and urges them to respond to everything, even days later, which makes me terribly worried about their mental health despite them telling me they are fine. I am aware that my friend is definitely not the only one hurting from this all, but I am focusing on them because they are the ones I am close to and I see them dealing with it every day. I would like to clarify that no, my friend doesn’t know that I am sending you this message, so this is not me trying to throw a pity party. But at this point, I feel like, as a friend, I need to do my duty and try to step in and stop this madness. These things can have real life consequences, for everyone, that I am terrified to even think of and I just don’t want my friend to get stressed any more than they already have.

So, please, I beg you, from one person just trying to enjoy the internet to the other, please don’t post asks related to the HS incident anymore. Yes, I am aware this is a lot to ask for, I know this blog is dedicated to gossip and tea and it has the right to exist just like any other blog. I also acknowledge that people have the right to express their thoughts related to anything they want without censorship. I’m not trying to dictate what you should do with your own blog that you have 100% the right to run however you wish. I know that your intentions aren’t to hurt anyone irl. I’m not even opposed to reopening discussions about this incident after some time, when all parties have cooled down and can talk about it more objectively. What I’m trying to do is protect my friend’s mental health and hoping that by doing this, other people’s mental health will be spared too. Yes, you can say I’ve reached a point of desperation. I really just want peace, first of all, for my friend; but I also think it would benefit the rest of the rp too if the conversation died down and everyone gets back to enjoying the rp experience. At the end of the day, we all just want to enjoy our hobby and forget about the stress behind the screen. I just think everything has been dragged out way more than it needed to be and we’re not even having healthy discussions anymore, it’s just rants after rants that do nothing but everyone or someone…

As mun’s friend, I will also do my duty and have a serious conversation with them about everything and convince them to close this chapter too and stop responding to messages. Please help me by not posting asks anymore or at least limiting them as much as possible. I am very worried and I just want us all to move on, I truly feel that it’s time for us to close this messy chapter.

I know this is a lot. I know you’re not obligated to listen to me, nor are you obligated to respond. Either way, thank you for taking the time to read my message and please consider my proposal.

I hope you have a good day.

admin note: we will post the pent up hs asks in our inbox right now that came before this to be fair, and reblog this so it remains at the top after!