#and No One Should Be Ignoring and Minimizing their needs for this stuff . and everyone is but doesnt want their friends to

[krispycreamcake]

hello! I really like your writing! If you don't mind may I please request headcanons on how laito would react to someone (a bride or classmate or something) who always tried to make him laugh by telling him jokes and stuff. please and thank you!

Headcanons on how Laito would react to someone always trying to cheer him up

🃏- Now everyone knows Laito is always in the mood for fun

🃏- Well to be fair, his fun and other people's fun are two entirely different types of fun

🃏- Usually he likes to mentally mess with you, tease your mind, make your head spin because he gets a sick thrill out of it

🃏- That isn't to say he's not one to indulge another person's idea of what it's like to humour oneself

🃏- Be it a bride, a friend, a classmate, he'll lend you an ear

🃏- Don't be fooled, his patience is extremely thin and unless you're the peak of comedy, he'll get bored quickly and easily turn the conversation around into something that benefits him

🃏- Now, if you're strong willed and can ignore his words and actions, he'll respect that

🃏- If anything, it makes you more interesting, which then makes him want to listen to more of your futile attempts to make him laugh or sport a smile

🃏- Let's say it's lunch hour and you're sitting at his table. Depending on your relationship, he'll either leave you and your jokes high and dry to go make out with some girl in a broom closet, or he'll entertain you

🃏- Over time of course, his tolerance grows and he doesn't believe himself when he eventually starts enjoying your company and your positive nature

🃏- He's grown accustomed to having you around and subconsciously counts on you to improve his mood

🃏- Maybe he got a scolding from Reiji just before school and he's ticked off, tell him how he looks emo, you might get a smirk (you will)

🃏- He'll probably minimize this feeling as nothing other than boredom (he's afraid to admit he doesn't feel completely numb around you)

🃏- It's such an odd thing for someone to genuinely want to make his day better by giving him something without him having to do anything in return

🃏- See this is where it'll kinda fuck him up

🃏- It's not about the jokes or the great atmosphere you seem to carry around yourself whenever you guys are together

🃏- It's the fact that he's having trouble coping with the idea that someone wants him to feel good without the use of sex

🃏- So maybe you're trying to use him, get closer to him and when he's his most vulnerable, you'll strike at him when he's fully exposed

🃏- He cannot have that be a possibility, he'll lose his shit

🃏- A part of him is glad that despite all his bullshit, you're there for him in your own way

🃏- Another part of him is telling him to run far far away

🃏- By attempting to getting close with Laito, even if it's something as simple as jokes and smiles, he'll consider it a major red flag and might not know what to do with himself

🃏- After all, what if he's wrong and he just pushed away the only person that cared about him?

🃏- Humans, women, people, feelings, society. It's all just too confusing for him

🃏- "Ne~ Bitch-chan, you're so quiet. Ah- I get it, do I need to tell you a joke today? Or should we improve your mood some other way hm?"

[river-muse]

That WIP ask game is seriously an underrated concept tbh, authors should be able to air out their works and ideas if they want to, even if those are unfinished.

Since I've been bugging you a little about MH I think I have to ask about the Monster Hunter Derelict WIP. MH Is an interesting setting for sure, but it's also hard to think of something to write in it, except maybe a dnd-like hunter party? Anyway, I'm rambling, definitely interested what you had going on There.

Also, I'm a filthy cheater and a sucker for time-themed fiction, so I definitely have to ask about Whatever Time May Bring. Feel free to ignore my filthy cheater double request tho

I agree! Being able to show off stuff we're working on without perfection being expected is super fun because I can pick out highlights and hold it up without needing to go "is this polished enough to be read?"

Since one is sort of a mini-fic that's an AU me and one of my close friends are messing around with for the funnies I'll answer both of your requests! I'm giggling and rubbing my hands together.

Monster Hunter Dereliction is the working title of a DMC MonHun AU that centers around a small Guild outpost in the Old World that pretty much has its shit figured out due to there not being many settlements in the area that need to be protected. My friend and I went "fuck it minimal family loss trauma in this department" so a lot of the cast is Around(tm) except for Sparda(we haven't decided what happened to him yet if anything).

There's sort of a plot figured out, though most of it's up in the air because we haven't had too much of a chance to talk more thoroughly about it and are just in the brainstorming department. We really just wanted to come up with our own biomes and monster designs for fun. It would involve a clash between two Elders breaking open a crevice in the earth that reveals an underground cavern system- and unknowingly awakening an Elder that has almost cosmic horror-esque traits to it. There's a sketch but it's not mine so I'd have to ask my friend later if he'd be cool with me sharing it.

For a little insight into some character placements, since I'm a bit obsessive about how lore in MonHun goes xD I won't go into what everyone is doing but I will share a handful.

I don't have much in way of writing, since I just got a few key ideas down- but have at it!

I think we decided Dante was the master in that area? He's mostly chilling around the outpost unless something super dangerous comes up that he's needed for.

Vergil is a high-ranking hunter who tends to do tasks for the Scholars that takes him into dangerous areas for the challenge and potential to explore old ruins. He's in and out of the outpost a lot on a whim so unless he's requested specifically good luck finding him.

Nero is an established hunter who tends to get a little babied by the others, which leads to him being more adamant about pushing his limits to prove himself and get them to stop worrying.

Eva regularly travels, recording locales and monsters in general peace.

Kyrie acts as the guild sweetheart for the location, handling quest assignments and making sure the hunters are properly prepared.

Credo is one of the residing guild knights, which is a rank in the guild that handles upholding guild regulation and deciding on punishment for anyone caught illegally poaching monsters.

Nell is the residential smithy! She's been training Nico for a long time now to take over in the future.

For now Nico tends to tag along behind Nero on a lot of hunts to observe them, swipe some new materials for herself, and experiment with equipment that diverts away from standard expectations.

Patty is a guild sweetheart in training, if I remember right? I only wrote her name in all caps in this post-it note and nothing else fdsgfbsdxjkgbj

-

Dante’s late to leave his room today, not expecting too many requests to come in if any. It’s been quiet since they’d sorted out the sudden influx of larger wyverns that had migrated South from their own territories. Which isn’t a good sign. It could mean something bigger is on the way soon. However nothing’s turned up. So to him the problem’s been solved. The peace lasts about as long as expected though, because the door pushes open without so much as a knock from the incoming visitor. It’s Lady. Not even in her armor yet but scowling as if she’d just gotten tossed around by a Diablos. “Where’s your fucking brother?” “Not even a good morning?” Dante yawns. “Passed morning a few hours ago.” Lady crosses her arms and leans against the doorframe “Now about Vergil-“ “Do I look like my brother’s keeper?” When It’s obvious Lady isn’t accepting that as an answer he groans and rests his feet on his desk “Out. On an expedition. That’s why one of the aptonoth aren’t in the stable. He’s North, checking out whatever caused that Wyvern displacement. Should be back in a few days.”

-

Vergil lingers by the ledge of the massive crevice, peering into the darkness to see faint shimmers of light that waver as if moving. It’s odd. With most of the trees decimated there should be plenty of sunlight shining down to show whatever’s down there. The darkness opens its eyes. Swirling colors and glowing light as faint pupils shrink to paper-thin slits when they focus on him. From the positioning of them Vergil isn’t sure if he’s looking face-to-face with a creature or with multiple. He doesn’t recognize any visible traits and stumbles away from the ledge. There’s a snapping noise and Vergil looks back to see the aptonoth has broken her binds in her attempt to flee, taking all of Vergil’s gear with her as she disappears into the treeline. A rattling, warbling noise that resembles a broken horn echoes loud enough that it hurts Vergil’s ears. He covers them with his hands and regrets not bringing earplugs. Something cold enough to leech the temperature through his armor wraps around his ankle, and drags him into the crevice. He grasps at the rock. His gloves dig in and he struggles to grab his blade. It slips from his hands and he falls with it. Darkness engulfs his vision made to feel darker by the eyes that fill his peripheral. One more eye, larger than all the others, opens up in front of him to blot out his last view of the sun.

-

Nero’s the first to volunteer and the first to be ready to depart. He shuffles about, fretting over what equipment to take and how long of a trip it will be. “Don’t you dare authorize that mission.” Credo objects, smacking his hand on the table “There’s no telling how long he’ll be gone, and if there is a wyvern strong enough out there to take Vergil down then I don’t feel comfortable sending him out.” “He’s qualified. Just as capable as the rest of us.” Dante insists “You need to stop babying him or he’ll never get his feet under him.” “How dare you accuse me of coddling one of our hunters?” “You’re not really beating the allegations. Especially since he’s got a crush on your sister.” “Do not-“ Nero objects. Dante stares, raises an eyebrow, and Nero clicks his tongue. Nero looks away while his cheeks flush red.

---

NOW onto-

Whatever Time May Bring. You have sniffed out the ONE NASNAH part that I think you're going to love the most, because it takes place when Nero's 15 and a certain 8 year old girl finds her way into Dante's life. It skims through the anime timeline and a bit beyond, since for reasons not yet revealed in the plot Dante decides to keep Vergil and Nero out of most of the details of his demon hunting work. It's a scene compilation like how "In Leaps and Bounds" was for little Nero. It's also finally the time where Nero starts questioning his family's behavior and secrets more than before.

-

Vergil watches the ensuing exchange with all of his attention he can muster. There’s something comedic about a young child pushing Dante to wits’ end when Nero at that age earned nothing but Dante’s adoration. He then notices Nero’s uncharacteristic silence. It takes just one glance to see Nero’s eyes are wide, watching Patty with an expression that he hasn’t seen before. “Nero?” Nero startles out of his thoughts, straightening up. “Uh, hi.” Nero says. He picks up his coat from the floor and dusts it off. “A little slow on the uptake. Did you overheat trying to wear that over here?” Dante asks. “No just-“ Nero looks away and seems to get his bearings “-wasn’t expecting to see you taking care of a kid. He’s being nice to you, right?” Nero looks at Patty with his question. “He’s horrible! He doesn’t clean, never explains anything until after it happens, and won’t eat anything but pizza and strawberry sundaes. I’m surprised he even knows what tomato juice is let alone drinks it.” Patty pouts and motions at Dante with a pointed finger.

-

Patty is- energetic. She’s outspoken and from how she speaks her mind is sharper than she leads others to believe. Yet she’s very much a child in how she behaves. Much like how Dante had been at her age to an extent. It had been obnoxious to deal with when younger, but Vergil can rationalize it as normal behavior for children in hindsight. Nero’s odd phase of having become quiet and calm as a child must have been a special case. “Would you advise I rescue Nero now, or later?” Vergil questions. “I think they’ll get along just fine without us hovering.” Dante pushes up from his chair and nudges a box of stuffed animals to the side with his foot. He tilts his head to the hallway door “Let’s leave them to it.” “And what will we be doing, instead?” “If you don’t want to know the weird details of the job, then I guess we can stay here and listen to Patty go on all day about that stupid show.” “Hey! I heard that.” Patty speaks up, looking over from the couch. “I wasn’t talking to you.” “But you were talking about me, so that’s pretty much the same thing.” Patty sticks her tongue out.

-

“What happened to my mom? Who was she?” Vergil’s gaze flicks away. Guilt passes over his face and he keeps cleaning without giving an answer. “Hey, you can’t just ignore me. I asked you a question-” Nero objects. “I can, and I will.” Vergil holds out the sauce pan “That is a topic for another time, Nero.” “Another time? Seriously?” Nero scowls as he uses a bit more force than needed to dry the pan “You’re gonna dare say that to me after years of this? I don’t even know what her name was.” Vergil pauses washing the dishes, resting his hands on the edges of the sink.

-

Thank you for letting me go insane and giving me a chance to share with you some Patty Propaganda! I had to seriously dig around and be careful with what I show since there's quite a few parts between the fic I'm currently uploading and this one, but I would be damned if I didn't give you something to look forward to. <3

[justatalkingface]

Given how UA completely ignored the existence of the spy, what would you say is the most devastating way AFO or Shigaraki could have employed their spy to do the most damage possible? This is assuming hero plot armor won't save the good guys.

My knee jerk answer is a bomb, or poison or something... but that's not quite it. There's something else they could do, something even worse than that, which would take just a little more effort on their parts to do. It's a simple, three step plan; are you ready?

Step One: Have Yuga help get them into records (presumably he'd only be able to do so much, but he'd be able to get Kurogiri parked right next to the room simply enough, so he could take the filing cabinets or computers or whatever and send them to AFO to open with one of his Quirks). Find the homes of everyone, along with any other pertinent information (what Quirk do they have? Are there any heroes that live there? (Admittedly, that one may not be in records, but it seems somewhat likely)). For obvious reasons, this is before the Heights Alliance stuff, because among other things AFO needs to be free to act for this. Return all the records and leave no trace that they did this.

Step Two: AFO and Kurogiri make a night of visiting the students and staff at their homes, making sure to take steps for each Quirk to minimize how much time it takes, and the possibility of anyone noticing (student breaths fire? Prep the ice Quirk). And I mean all of them, starting with the OP bullshit of Aizawa who, yes, does in fact live in a house, with a phone number and information for people to find him because he has professional responsibilities as a hero and a teacher, underground or not (and fundamentally even an underground hero will have that stuff; people seem to think 'underground' means 'off the grid' when it's actually more, 'I'm bowing out of the celebrity portion of the job experience'). Since Aizawa is the most dangerous/important, start the raid when he's home and vulnerable, and just pipe some sleeping gas into his house, and then proceed from there.

Even assuming some are away from home for awhile, that should still be at least... half? Three quarters? Of the students who will be ambushed, have their Quirks stolen, or kidnapped for Nomu experimentation, depending on what seems more useful. If they aren't killed or taken, AFO then puts all the people asleep for a day or two, to keep them out of the ways so they stay under the radar as long as possible. Those teachers he finds will, of course, be killed after their Quirk is stolen because, you know, full fledged heroes. The two of them will do this as long as they can, taking as many Quirks and students as they can, until the news breaks, people lose their shit, and start responding.

Step Three: Profit. AFO now has a metric shit ton of new Quirks, many of which are useful, and including the one Quirk that is the biggest threat to AFO's plans, UA has been gutted of students, and without a doubt their reputation is destroyed beyond all salvation. Mass panic sets in as people realize how vulnerable their heroes are, how weak and imperfect and human they are, and that several generations of their most promising students are just gone in a single night. If he's really lucky, they'll respond by grouping the survivors in one place, letting him go round two on his shopping spree.

His plan done, AFO can now lounge back in his chair and laugh, trying out his new Quirks, while his doctor has a ball with his new test subjects and Japan falls into chaos.

[littlerosetrove]

so i saw your posts about the daddy issues convo and you are right about that specific post being so not okay. but i feel like i’m not seeing the emotional depth that everybody else is seeing, like the joke itself fell kinda flat to me? (not saying tommy is a terrible person for a sexy joke!!) but it feels like the whole thing is being so blown out of proportion by everyone. i guess for me it was the convo itself that felt off, not just the joke at the end? i hope that makes sense?

I definitely recommend reading this post by @tenebrous-academic because it lays out why there is depth to the scene. It explains how, in short, the scene displays a level of equality between Buck and Tommy that we've never really seen with/in Buck's previous relationships.

I think there are two fronts of how the scene became blown out of proportion, because the scene was truly just a nice scene of boyfriends connecting with each other and flirting. It didn't need to be A Thing, and yet... So. 1) People who already dislike (or straight up hate) Tommy and Buck/Tommy tearing the scene apart to try and show, essentially, why Tommy is not good for Buck. Or "this is why they won't last." (i assume you've seen this stuff on your dash, nonny?) 2) Although this wasn't the only nasty post, but one person in particular taking it much further to "jokingly" say that Tommy flirting, with a sexual joke with his adult boyfriend, was so horrible that Tommy, a gay man, should be shot. Things took a nasty turn and that's why a simple scene of Buck and Tommy connecting feels "blown out of proportion." I'll say it over and over that people don't have to like or vibe with a character or a ship, but some take their dislike so far that they think it's okay - even with a fictional character - to say they'd shoot a gay man. Some people are trying to vilify a character so much because, as far as I can tell, they hate that Buck is with a man that is not Eddie.

Now, it's fine if the joke didn't work for you, for whatever reason. You don't seem to have an issue with the fact that it was a sensual joke in nature, so that's good. Two queer men being openly queer with each other should not be an issue.

While I liked the date scene, I can understand why the tone of it felt off to some people. I think it comes from the fact that the entire episode was so fast paced, nothing was really allowed to breathe, certain stories did not get the time they deserved (like Bobby being in the hospital, but instead we got Athena doing dirty cop stuff etc), and mix that all together? We have ourselves just a weird, predictable, and in some ways unsatisfying episode.

While I don't think storylines being predictable is inherently a bad thing, and 911 has done plenty of predictable stories. However, 911 is fully capable of telling satisfying "predictable" stories, and telling satisfying character stories. We just didn't quite get that in 7x10, in part because of some lack of buildup and setup for some stories and characters. Also a lack of payoff for some stories. Some things were ignored, brushed aside, or minimized when they shouldn't have been.

[jajanvm-imbi]

Babe wake up the Helluva Boss hiatus is finally over

Okay I have some thoughts. Was it perfect? No. Was it better than the last 3 episodes? Absolutely 100%

And before anyone comes at me, I like the Blitz and Fizz plotline, I really do. Blitz and Fizz might be my fave dynamic in the whole series, so seeing them interact was fun! But the fact that we got the worst episode in the entire series (Happy Campers) followed by 2 more episodes that were almost completely irrelevant to the main 2 plotlines (Oops and Mid-season Special) A N D the hiatus BEFORE literally anything about 2 sets of alluded reoccurring villains is baffling to me.

Anyway, my main issue with the latest episode is the split focus.

This episode featured both the return of alluded reoccurring villains The Cherubs and D.H.O.R.K.S, and Stolas finally freeing Blitz of their transactional relationship. Both developments are really good, the return of the Cherubs and the agents was long overdue, but I'm glad to see them back. HOWEVER, both of these super important developments had to share an episode, which I think is the problem.

Both of these events were waaaaaaaaaaay too important to share the focus of a single 20 minute episode, and because they had to share, it minimizes the impact of both developments.

Or in the HB fandom's case, everyone is gonna focus on the Stolitz shippy stuff and all but completely ignore the other half of the episode.

Both the first return of these alluded villains and the Stolitz stuff should have gotten their own solo episode to really highlight the importance of each event.

What makes this even more frustrating is that, like I said before, we just came back from a hiatus and the three episodes before that were almost completely irrelevant to the 2 main plot lines. The only actually important thing that happened was Stolas getting Blitz the crystal, and that was the B-plot to S2 ep6 and not the main plot??? Almost nothing important happened in the last 3 episodes before the hiatus and then when the 2 most important plot lines finally get the spotlight again they have to share an episode.

"Look My Way" wasn't even in an episode????? It was a separate music video????? Which is completely bizarre?????

I have nothing but respect for the Hellverse creative teams, truly. I admire their persistence and their individuality. I respect how they are so unapologetically themselves, making the content they like and nothing else. I adore the artistic identity of Helluva Boss (not so much Hazbin but that's in my review of the first 4 eps of the series if you're interested in reading my thoughts about that). The art style and the animation style are incredible, looking x100 better than most animated shows done by bigger studios recently. Their success is something to be admired for sure, leading the pack for indie studios everywhere to find their own success. But one thing I cannot wrap my head around are the writing decisions for this show.

If they really have such limited time and resources, why are they wasting time on irrelevant bullshit????? Or at least, why are they so adamant on doing everything all at once??? Why does the D.H.O.R.K.S + the Cherubs plotline need to happen at the same time as the Stolitz plotline as the same time as the Striker + Crimson plotline at the same time as the "Blitz estranged relationships" plotline as the same time as "Stolas' family drama" plotline????? It's the same exact issue with Hazbin Hotel except worse because Helluva has more episodes than Hazbin. Vivziepop and her crew didn't know if they were getting a second season of Hazbin until halfway through production of S1, which can excuse a good portion of writing sins (no pun intended) committed in Hazbin. HELLUVA BOSS HAS 4 PLANNED SEASONS. They have the time to pace these plotlines better. There is literally NO REASON why they had to cram every single plotline into every single season. By dividing the attention between all the different plotlines, none of the plotlines get enough meaningful attention. There are so many episodes between each plotline development and so much time between each episode, that everything gets muddled and nothing is impactful in the slightest. And on top of everything, some of these episode slots are wasted on completely irrelevant nonsense. Happy Campers was such a waste of time, and Barbie Wire's introduction was completely wasted on it. It was promoted as the "Millie episode" but it was actually another Moxxie episode caused by random Millie angst. The Mid-season Special wasn't even about the main cast or Stolas????? Blitz was only there to justify the episode existing because without him the episode would have no real reason to exist???? Most of s2 has been completely irrelevant with no real plot progression.

So much time was wasted on stuff the ultimately doesn't mean anything, or won't mean anything for a long time and as a result, two of the more important plotlines get shoved in an episode together. So the stuff that doesn't matter get full episodes and the stuff that does matter have to share episodes.

Or in the case of "Look My Way", IT DOESN'T EVEN GET AN EPISODE AND IT HAS TO BE A MUSIC VIDEO OUTSIDE OF THE ACTUAL SERIES?????????

Each of these plotlines should have gotten their own season, or at least the similar ones can share.

S1 should have just been about the main cast (IMP) and maybe Stolas. Maybe introducing some of the main villains like the Cherubs and D.H.O.R.K.S (kind of like how they actually did it but without eps 2, 5, 7 and especially 8. So really only like half the season lmfao)

Then S2 could have been about Blitz's past relationships, Moxxie and Millie's relationship and Stolas' family drama.

S3 could have been about Stolitz and Blitz repairing his other relationships

and S4 could have been the epic return of The Cherubs and D.H.O.R.K.S, with some foreshadowing sprinkled throughout the rest of the series

......or something

Idk but the point is that by trying to do everything all at once, none of the attempted plotlines are impactful and the series as a whole suffers for it.

I still find HB entertaining, but damn is it frustrating to watch.

Anyway that's all I had to say

[adhbabey]

You should always be wary of people who swear off therapy and then minimize, attack and step over your own feelings and experiences, because they think they're above having therapy, or they've tried it for one day, or one week and didn't seek another professional's advice.

Because genuinely, my heart goes out to everyone whose tried therapy and it hasn't worked for them because of problems outside of their control. But for people who fight you on the fact that therapy never works, not for anyone, and that they're better off just reading psychology and theory, those are the people that you should criticize the most.

It is obvious to anyone in the disabled or neurodivergent or mentally ill community that plenty of professionals are fucking stupid or ignorant because they haven't researched enough or learned past a certain point in their lives and stopped helping their patients beyond what they took tests for. And those are the people who let down people the most when it comes to helping people. Those are the people you shouldn't trust with your time or money.

So what makes you think that reading a couple psychology books, probably the same old, traditional bullshit, that they taught to all those terrible doctors, will actually help with yours or anyone else's mental health issues. Everyone whose met an annoying psychology major knows. It's clear that trying to be intellectually superior than a literal patient in therapy, or someone actually living with the disabilities described in those books, isn't the brightest idea.

As someone whose tried and failed to DIY their own mental health journey, it is not easy nor recommended to go through this shit alone. You probably shouldn't, because its damn well easy to make your mental health worse, because it's so easy to fuck something up. Like accidentally or purposely triggering yourself, in order to get to the bottom to why you're feeling something. It's not fun.

So please, if you're having trouble finding therapy, there are community resources out there to help you deal with shit on your own, but don't go spouting stuff you don't actually understand. Don't go trusting strangers who say they have the answers to self help, and then twist around actual clinical terms to bring their point home, don't listen to those people. Don't listen to people who spitefully swear off therapy because they think they can handle it all by themselves. Just don't trust people who don't actually have a degree, and still criticize the ones that do. If some advice to you, seems off, or overblown or diminished, you should be questioning that advice. You should be getting a second opinion.

I make mental health and disabled content all the time on here because I want people to be informed, and to find community and resources to get the help that you need. But you can't pull therapy words out of your ass and expect people not to question you. Talk to the community and don't just go informing random strangers, if you don't know what you're talking about.

If you abuse your platform to misinform other ignorant people, you deserve to have your platform taken away. So treat the chance to educate people as a privilege, don't use it to spout bullshit that you don't understand. Therapy isn't a last resort, so don't listen to anyone that treats it that way.

[bengiyo]

GAP the Series Ep 5 Stray Thoughts

Last week Mon was accepted into the confidences of Sam's friends, and was given guidance on how to read Sam's moods and responses. We learned that Sam's public persona is artificial and managed by the friends, and we also confirmed that Sam very much likes Mon. Bestie and I gushed over how good everyone looked all episode, and really liked the long pink coat Mon wore.

I still can't believe Tee didn't hit on Mon's friend, Yuki.

I get Sam reflexively choosing to cut off Mon. Her friends may want to tease her, but she already lost both of her sisters because of her grandmother's homophobia and is definitely going to be reactive about losing control of a situation.

I love how we can tell how Mon feels by the intensity and detail of the pinks she's wearing.

Sam may be pissed, but she still came to slay.

I agree, Chin's shirt is too much.

Gosh, Sam is so pathetic. I love her so much. She's so scared of how much she likes Mon, and is so bad at expressing it.

It's kind of interesting how Becky speaks English words with a Thai accent when she's speaking Thai.

Poor Sam. First she's jealous of the food, and now she's jealous of Chin.

Baby is a Messy Eater: GL Edition

I am fighting for my life. The "can we trade and I bite your lips" exchange was so charged. I am fanning myself.

The tension is palpable. So proud of Sam for making her desire clear.

Nop has to go. He ruined a potential first kiss.

Freen is so good at this. She played Sam's frustration and irritation perfectly.

Oh my goodness this confrontation took a deeply uncomfortable turn when Sam asserted her class position. Like, I don't like Nop either, but GODDAMN.

Whoever is in charge of lighting on this show is almost as good as the folks who light Hallmark films.

Oh, the Dutch angles are finally relevant.

The DP was very clever to use the bench and the columns as lines. Also whoever chose to use the sprinkler system like this needs a bonus.

Mon is almost wearing purple today; she must be feeling especially down.

Oh no, now Sam feels she must punish Chin for potentially flirting with Mon.

Sam's Facebook name is "I AM YOUR BOSS." She is too much. I love her.

Okay, something very LGBT happened to Mon when Sam grabbed her chin.

Okay, but Mon also licked Sam's nose a bit there.

I really admire Mon. As much as she adores Sam, she still chided her for being cruel to Chin.

Alright, the lip bite that just wasn't a kiss just sent me out of the park.

That's two days in a row we're getting heartbeat stuff.

I know this is sexy, but I am so scared that Becky is going to fall off those stairs.

Freen is really so funny in this role. I really wasn't sure at first, but I am having a lot of fun.

This is a truly fantastic first kiss. It's so much what Sam has desperately hoped for, but she has to disguise it in a "game" and she has to minimize the impact by calling it normal behavior between gals. She even sidesteps clarifying their relationship. It's tough for Mon, too. She also really wants this, but understands the social politics at stake and doesn't push for more. I'm losing it.

BL has rarely engaged eye-fucking, and Becky and Freen are putting on a clinic.

So glad Mon's coworkers care Bout the health of her lips. They should carry this energy over to GMMTV sets.

Desire is just so attractive on Freen, holy SHIT.

If Sam only has one friend on Facebook, why does this post have six reactions? Also, I love the energy of posting WANT KISS NOW on Facebook because your crush is ignoring your eye-fucking.

Thankfully Jim interrupted with a text, because Sam was not going to stop at a kiss.

Oh no. I can see the camera person in Jim's glasses.

"With that low salary, what are you going to buy?" MA'AM, YOU ARE THE ONE PAYING HER!!!!!

I don't care about anyone else. I liked the cash-cheer joke.

I like Becky's singing voice.

Ah, Mon was feeling poor and inadequate compared to Sam's friends.

New GL Trope Unlocked: Let Me Put This Lip Balm on You.

Becky really delivers on the lovestruck stun effect every time.

There's so much to look forward to in that teaser! We are eating good next weekend!

[thedeafprophet]

6, 11, and 27 for the Jam household

.... im interpruting household as askin about Viola, Edith, and Mary-Anne. heck yea

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

Mary-Anne:

Of course Mary-Anne considers laws immovable. Rules and regulation exist for a reason, and in order for society to be operable, they simply MUST be followed....

....that's not to say she wouldnt ever be flexible with them should the need arise, of course. And not all laws are made equal - her morals would overtake any actual laws.

Edith:

Anything is legal when the coppers aren't around. Edith doesnt care too much for rules and regulations, and will behave as she pleases, thank you very much.

The catch to this of course is food safety. Sure, she's stolen a thing or too here or there, but food safety rules? Y'dont fuck with that stuff. And if anyone tries to go against Ediths way of doing things in the kitchen, they're sure to get a earful/

Viola:

I don't think Viola weighs too much a mind to the rules and laws. Its not that she doesn't care but well - surely the rules must be there for a reason, right? Laws wouldnt be made without purpose of course?

It stands in turn that she would consider them flexible if she came across a law that just didn't make sense. Why should that be a rule?

...this is long so ill put a cut in for the rest of the questions for everyone else's sake

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

Mary-Anne:

Mary-Anne would do her best to pretend to understand. Every situation has a Correct Response and A Way to do things, and, well, she's a very Fake It Till You Make it kind of person. She tends to doble down harder on her beliefs and views when met with situations she doesnt understand. Threatening Powerful Figure suddenly at Jamie's house? Yes time to offer tea and utmost politness no matter how strange this is. A Strange Man appearing in the house at late hours seemingly out of nowhere? Well how rude that is to not send word ahead of time, and to come in without an appointment! Clearly a reminder of manners is in order.

...it worked well enough for her so far?

Edith:

Edith is just * rapid blinking gif* and then... ignores it. If she's confused and doesn't understand, she's liable to think it doesn't need to be understood. That's none of her bussiness, its a confusing world afterall. If it directly impacts what she needs to do ie. being asked to create a confusing dessert dish with minimal background information ,she's liable to just wing it and hope for the best - she knows what she's doing well enough to just brute force past her confusion.

Viola:

Viola is very much the seek clarification type! If there's someone she can ask, she will ask! Even if she asked 5 minutes ago and got an explination and still doesnt understand....she'll get it eventually, right? If there's no one to ask she may get overwhelemed and just give up on the task altogether, or try her best and likely end up.... not doing it exactly right. She's trying.

27. What causes them to feel dread? 

Mary-Anne:

I think.... being out of her depth in a situation is one. Threats to the household for sure.... but I think the main thing is feeling powerless in a situation, especially to help those she cares about. So many situatons are out of her control, theres only so much she can do to help. What is she to do in situations she knows are getting worse and cant do anything to help? That looming dread hanging over the home?

This applies well to Jamie, who Mary-Anne has begrudgingly become attached to over the years - she sees some of whats been going on with them, and theres nothing she can do about it.

Edith:

I don't think dread is a common feeling for Edith. She tends to force down fear and anticipation and focus on the present. What sense is there in anticipating bad things to come? They're gonna come anyways, you just gotta be prepared to put water on the fire - just make sure its not an oil fire when you do that, mind you.

Viola:

Everything? Everything. Viola is often feeling dread, constantly anxious and worried about what the next thing will bring. What will be required, what will be messed up, will she be sent away again? She's also very worried about her sisters illness, and frequenlty is concerned about her.

...the palace and anyone related to it would also most certainly inspire dread in the poor girl.

[2309analysis]

⌗ | RULES ⛲️

1. Please do not spam my works. I don’t want to get over flooded with notifications of you liking me. I appreciate the love, I really do. Although, reblogging is just as appreciated and it’s more beneficial. Please be wary of this. 3 - 5 posts a day.

2. Please do not put NSFW content in my replies unless if stated that you can. * (Which will be mostly never) * I don’t want to be associated with it. It honestly discomforts me if somebody randomly associated me with smut & nudes without knowing. It just irks me thinking about it.

3. No slurs. Please. I find them very stupid and stressful to deal with. Regardless of race or heritage, I won’t allow it here. You will be blocked if provoked by me. You get two warnings.

4. Please don’t insult others in my replies. It’s unnecessary, opinions are opinions. Not facts. It’s my job to answer those, not yours. If you have questions over them, ask, don’t harass. Don’t be a prick. Gives you a very big reputation.

5. My NSFW will be very minimal, and I will probably barely post any. So, 15+ with them. If you’re underage please do not interact. * (Replies, reblogs) * I prefer not to have younger eyes pry on my work. You’re allowed to read my regular stories though. It’s for everyone unless stated otherwise.

6. Consecutive criticism. It will be the only one I allow. If you have any writing or editing advice to give me, I’m free to hear it. Although I won’t accept you guys just calling me out on my mistakes and expecting me to know what’s immediately wrong with it. That is rude and disrespectful towards the artist. At least give some feedback and reason why.

7. If you catch any mistake within my writings, please directly message me. I don’t like having those exposed. I’m a bit insecure about my writing, so I prefer it if you’re private with it. Please and thank you. I’ll respect your mistakes too, and directly message you on them as well.

8. You guys are allowed to send me messages / questions. I have no guarantee I’ll immediately reply. Remember, I am busy too, I have my own life outside my phone and & platforms. If I don’t reply within a week or two, you’re allow to message me again. Or send me a question asking me to reply. I will get to you as soon as I can. I do not have the best motivations to get to my messages.

9. Please be aware of what and how you’re saying things. Some people might feel uncomfortable about what you could say. So please be wary of the topics & comments you’re about to say. Remember, not everyone is like you, and you don’t know them personally.

10. Please put "TW" before sending something with possible triggers. You may not know if they will trigger someone because of personal reasons. No you will not ask for them unless they're comfortable telling you, and if they are please dm that stuff. <- For the triggers.

11. If someone sends something that offends please don't blow up at them and act they know it's not right or that they knew it would offend you, like with misunderstandings it's too dramatic to deal with. Also if they don't feel the need to explain just ignore them for a while, it they make you upset then don't talk to them.

12. * (This kinda goes with rule 11.) * Please do not send any personal attacks to someone. Also don't make it another's problem, if you need someone to support you with something, please go dm.

13. Please don't use anything that others find annoying, upsetting, or triggering to get their attention, under their skin, or just to be a prick. If they would like you to stop saying these certain things then stop it, once should be enough. I will block you.

14. Cussing. You’re completely allowed to cuss in my, just be responsible and respectful with it. Please do not cuss every third word. It makes it awkward and a bit immature.

15. Please do not spam in the comments. It’s not going to be a fun game when you’re blocked. I don’t want others to feel pressured, and same regards to me too. If you have a request, send it through questions. If you have a questions, dm them. You’re allowed a discuss in replies, and reply to others. Just don’t overload with them.

Hello this isn't a rule more like a comforting reminder. Your emotions are valid, if you're angry that's okay, if you don't wanna talk, that's okay, if you're down or upset, that's okay.

Please don't feel guilty for not being at your best while talking to someone here, that is what vents are for. To help you guys through problems you're currently going through.

That is all for now! I hope you guys read these careful and keep them in consideration. You can always come back here to relook at them. It is not embarrassing, it is necessary. Do not feel ashamed for forgetting a few rules. We all do.

I hope y’all have a wonderful rest of your day! I hope these rules are reasonable enough, and if you have any recommendations or suggestions / questions, feel free to give them to me in replies! If you do not want to reply it, dm or give it as a question. I don’t not mind anyway you do it! You are heard and I want to make sure you know it! ^^

[torchickentacos]

the 'I feel like shit, what do I do' list

pro tip. if you're fighting the existentialist dread, the rsd 'everyone secretly hates me' spiral (my old friend), the finals week dread, whatever is bothering you: a list of things to do that probably won't fix it, because nothing is ever a one-and-done fix, but you'll be slightly less miserable.

-pet an animal. no animals nearby? soft blanket, sweater, whatever. Get some sort of comforting sensory input. Change into comfy clothes if you can. Try to minimize bad physical feelings, because that helps the mental ones. ESPECIALLY MY AUTISTIC FRIENDS WITH SENSORY ISSUES. As an autistic, it's funny how many problems can be solved by taking off the bad textures.

-watch youtube. I have a playlist of stuff to watch while crying/panicky/overall bad. Will it fix me? No, but it's hard to cry when you're watching someone play gta5 but chat controls the mods or whatever. (personal go-to, motion sickness folks may not like it). But when you're feeling better, start a playlist of things guaranteed to make you laugh or feel better. Watch a video of frogs or something.

-Look over the basics. Have you eaten real people food and not just a handful of almonds or something? Find something to eat. If you're in depression mode and cannot make food, then eat the ingredients separately. Cannot make yourself make a sandwich? Well, just eat some bread and peanut butter and a banana and you've basically eaten a deconstructed sandwich which still counts as a meal. Also, find microwave recipes. I'm partial to mac and cheese in a mug. Have you drank water? or liquid in general, no need to be perfectionist with it? Showered? Try to get that out of the way. Because, as it turns out, taking care of your physical body deeply helps your brain issues.

-if you can, then moving around or exercising allegedly helps. Chronic illness folks, disregard this one, we can keep sitting around because maybe don't add joint injuries and syncope to your issues.

-talk to a friend if you can. Try to choose someone who will uplift you, though, and not someone who will talk about their issues if you don't have the headspace for it. Which sounds cold, but sometimes your own shit is already way too much and you cannot balance other people's issues. Self care is not selfish.

-Knock something off of your to do list. One, distraction. Two, having future responsibilities weighs on you, so it can be good to try and get stuff out of the way so it's one less thing to worry about.

-turn social media off for a bit. tumblr and discord are wonderful but it's also just another thing to be keeping track of and sometimes you need to disconnect. Note that disconnecting and isolating are different things. You SHOULD disconnect for a bit and have you time. You should NOT ignore your friends and people who reach out to you to check on you. And here's a secret- if nobody checks on you? Before you go down a spiral about how nobody cares, consider this. That thing you're feeling right now? Tons of other people feel it too and chances are someone is not leaving you on read out of hatred, but rather they just have all of The Horrors to deal with and they just can't right now, but it's on their list.

-Finally, do a hobby. Draw. Write. Play an instrument. Do something. Guess what? When you're in this headspace, you're probably gonna hate whatever you end up making, and that's okay. It's not about what you made, it's about the fact that you sat down and tried to do something creative with your time. Did you make the mona lisa? no, but you made something and something is better than nothing at all.

[doctorguilty]

griping about popular post but I don't wanna comment on it and potentially get too much attention and dogpiled

bad and terrible take I'm sorry like the "individual action is not effective" because "the fundamental problem is [higher institution]" is applicable to stuff like, "reducing your carbon footprint by driving electric cars and using metal straws makes minimal impact on the planet because multi billion dollar corporations are deep frying the planet" and even THAT concept has more to do with like personal sacrifice vs personal accountability.

For example if I spend extra money on sustainable eco-friendly food products and exhaust my food budget so that I go hungry at the end of the month, for the sake of individual action to like help save the earth, it is not worth hurting myself for because no amount of only purchasing free-range eggs will make an impact equal to me as a human being with basic needs and rights to food. And being guilt tripped and told I'm selfish for eating cheap eggs instead so that I have enough money to eat every day is bullshit.

At the same time, it DOES NOT mean that because your individual actions are small in the grand scheme of things, it is a waste of effort to do actions that DON'T negatively impact your life, health, or wallet. Like separating recycles from the trash, buying affordable cotton/wool/leather clothing instead of stuff made of plastics, those are still worthwhile things to do if you HAVE the ability, if you ARE capable.

Equating masking to the like, propaganda of "individual actions are necessary self sacrifice, go green at the cost of your well being while we spill 300 tons of oil into the ocean" is stupid, it's not the same thing. It's more like the separating-your-recycles thing but not even that either. Because it's not about the nebulous concept of "the planet" or the "wildlife and forests", it's about your NEIGHBORS, your fellow people at their jobs and at the store and living their lives, doing something individual for THEM, and it does ABSOLUTELY matter and make an impact.

It makes a HUGE impact every single day what you choose to do around other people; wearing a mask could be the difference between, what, you wearing a piece of cloth over your face that is uncomfortable sometimes? versus a cashier getting sick and having to stay home from work and lose a chunk of their paycheck, versus a child at the store catching your infection and bringing it to school with them and they all bring it home to their families, versus an elderly person who lives alone taking care of themselves, becoming bedridden and no one can get them groceries or pick up their medication at the pharmacy.

That stuff REALLY fucking matters and that doesn't even start breaking ground of disabled people, that op was really quick to throw under the bus?? oh society has forsaken them, it's an institutional, such a shame. nothing we can do about it. (also like. who was even talking about cons or events when it came to any of this.......because as far as I know everyone was like, please just wear a mask when you go to the store. to the doctor's office. like wha?)

oh, you feel bad it's being "moralized"? you don't like feeling personally responsible? it's uncomfortable when us undesirables are forsaken by everyone in power and all we can do is beg and plead to be considered by the average person in our vicinity? like honestly, op is right in the sense that the hard statistics when it comes to how much of an impact 1 person in a crowd of 500 don't really matter, but you know when I see that 1 person I think, god at least someone cares. Like. I mean it's complete misinfo to say it does nothing for disease transmission but since people don't care about THAT anyway, then yeah it IS a moral issue and you should feel bad about it! you should feel bad ignoring our voices, you should feel bad when we die, and you should feel bad if all it takes to even communicate to us, "I hope my choice does matter enough to save even 1 person in the world" is wear a piece of cloth on you face and you think that's equitable to corporate ceos guilting you over not driving hybrid cars while they tear down forests to build parking lots over, you think disabled people asking for a sliver of consideration on par with like, taking the grocery cart back to the return so it doesn't smack into someone's car is the same thing as oppressive institutions scapegoating poor people and profit from it...... like I think you've lost the plot, terribly.

[my-head-is-an-animal]

Problems With The Heart

Greg House x Dr Anna Harding (OFC)

Story Masterlist

Chapter 11 - 40 Candidates

House was enjoying the way Anna was playing her games with him, he managed to get his guitar back and made her laugh with his idea to interview forty people all at the same time, whittling them down to three to see who he could stand working with.

‘Cuddy will never let you get away with that.’ She laughed while they sat at the bar, doing shots.

‘What’s she going to do to stop me?’

‘Look, just make it quick, most of my staff can’t stand you as it is, we don’t need a horde of doctors following you around, getting in the way when you come and see me.’

‘Who says I’m going to go up two floors to see you?’ He frowned with a grin. ‘I’ve got a bum leg you know.’

‘Doesn’t stop you doing things for fun.’ Her eyes flashed at him as her gaze dropped to his mouth.

‘Have sex with me.’ He said.

‘Give me a reason to.’

House liked the game. ‘I’ve never needed a reason before.’

‘So, everyone gets to play games with everyone, but I don’t get to play games with you?’

‘What are the rules?’ He was getting curious about what she was doing.

‘The only ones you should concern yourself with are these: you give me a good reason to have sex with you and you don’t ask for help. I’ll know if you do.’

‘How?’

‘I know how your mouth works.’

‘So do a lot of women, but you don’t see them bragging.’ They threw back another shot. ‘Okay, fine, but if I win, I want the good stuff.’

‘Fine.’ She agreed and they drank to it.

House spent days coming up with a good reason, something that she wouldn’t be able to resist, he suspected she wouldn’t take just any reason, but the specificity might not have been her aim either.

The first day of interviews were exactly what he expected, boring, until the astronaut came in to liven things up. It eliminated most of the candidates and made his job easier.

While he was giving his speech and after Cuddy had told him he couldn’t interview people this way, the door at the back of the lecture hall opened.

‘Woah!’ House whistled, looking her up and down. Anna had told him she had some board members in looking at her department that morning so she needed to dress the part, black heels with a slimming black pant suit that just brushed her ankles, a light pink top that in the right light showed she was wearing a white lace bra, her make up was minimal, but her bright blue eyes were beautiful and her thick brown hair curled around her shoulders. It was one of the only times he’d seen her coat sleeves rolled down. ‘I didn’t order a supermodel.’

‘I know, you just went ahead and hired forty doctors for three positions.’ She raised her eyebrow as she descended the steps and House could feel his heart racing a little faster.

‘Hot British cardiologists anyone else’s thing?’ House addressed the whole hall, mostly to keep himself from stripping her naked and having her in the steps of the lecture hall.

‘Cuddy asked me to come and see if I could find any sense in what you’re doing.’ She ignored his comment, stepping closer to him so he could smell light perfume on her.

‘I’m interviewing potential candidates.’

Anna grinned a little. ‘Okay. How’s that going? You guys enjoying Dr House’s approach?’

The room was silent. House was at risk of losing himself to her. ‘Well, someone answer the woman, unless you’re a hallucination? Everyone else can see an outrageously hot doctor right?’

One of the candidates he was definitely firing, cleared his throat. ‘He’s not very agreeable.’

‘No, he’s not.’ Anna agree without looking at the candidate. ‘You’ll get used to that.’

‘I thought you found me very agreeable, Dr Harding.’

‘I find you tolerable on hospital grounds.’

‘And not on hospital grounds?’ House liked where this was going.

Anna closed her mouth, but her smile was evident. She turned around to head back out the hall. ‘I’m not covering for you,’ she said reaching the top. ‘Make a decision and do it quickly.’

‘Yes, ma’am.’ House sighed, hating that she was leaving.

Once she was gone the whole room looked at him.

‘Is she your girlfriend?’ The same candidate asked.

‘Yeah, she has a thing for cripples.’ House said, sarcastically. ‘You’re fired.’

House moved onto other things.

I went to House’s office for a consult. I found the two groups of candidates in his office and the second I walked in they all looked at me as if they had questions.

‘No.’ I said the second I walked in. ‘I am not helping you with anything.’

‘We just want to know what House wants from us.’ One of them said. ‘How do we win the game?’

I sighed heading over to his desk to check his notes on a previous case that might have helped mine. ‘Just cure the patient. House will make his decision based on his rules and you’ll never find out what they are no matter what you do.’

‘So this is all just random?’ Another one asked.

‘It’s never random.’ I said quietly, my snapping up. ‘I never said that. Just cure the patient.’

I quickly got what I needed and left his office, running into House immediately.

‘Sneaking around to steal my stuff?’ He asked, sarcastically. ‘Or are you on look out duty for Wilson again?’

‘Neither. I needed a consult.’ I said as we went back into his office. The candidates all began speaking at once. ‘Woah woah woah, if I haven’t slept with you, I don’t want to hear you speaking.’

I stayed silent, I wasn’t playing his game either. House just looked at me and breathed heavily.

‘Okay, only outrageously hot British chicks get to speak.’ He gave in. ‘Gimmie the file.’

I handed it over and after a two minute consult I had my answer. I went to take the file but he stopped me.

‘Hey, come over tonight.’ He said, his eyes flickering over my body.

‘Give me a reason.’ I flirted back. House smiled and let the file go. ‘Thank you for the consult.’

I waited for him in the lobby and he just had to make a show of flirting all the way out. I knew the candidates were watching and I just couldn’t seem to care when I saw the look he was giving me.

It was a long night and my body ached amazingly in the morning.

Somehow it still wasn’t enough to stop himself shoving a knife into a wall socket. One of his team had come up to tell me.

‘Is he stable?’ I asked, checking a patient’s heart rate.

‘Erm, yeah, he’s just unconscious.’ She said, I think her name was Amber. ‘He paged me before he did it.’

‘Okay, heart rate is a little high, but everything else looks good, I’ll be back to check on you in a little while.’ I told the patient who nodded.

‘Don’t you care that he tried to kill himself?’ She asked as I guided her out of the room.

I sighed. ‘He didn’t try to kill himself. I don’t know what the hell he was doing, but it wasn’t that.’

‘He stuck a knife into a wall socket.’

‘He paged you. He did it in the middle of a hospital.’ I shot back. ‘That means he wasn’t trying to kill himself.’ I told her. ‘I will visit when I don’t have patients to see. Do not get the wrong impression about the nature of my relationship with Dr House, people have made that mistake before and it didn’t end well.’

‘So, you don’t care?’

‘Of course I care, but he’s insane, he’s going to do insane things every once in a while.’ I took a file that was being handed to me. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I have patients.’

I wandered off to take care of another patient and allowed myself a few moments to absorb what House had done in the privacy of my office. Wilson had been texting me updates anyway.

If you liked this, please consider supporting me ☕ thanks for reading!

[crowtrobotx]

Man, I know you shouldn’t do this. But I was staring with increasing bitterness at the kudos/hits on Chrysalis and sinking further and further into the whole “what even is the point” mindset I’m so prone to. Probably this was triggered by having come to expect a handful of kudos with each new chapter and this time I didn’t get… any.

I think Bri is probably the only person who knows how personal this fic is to me and how much of myself I’ve poured into it. And I don’t really want to divulge what that means to everyone - maybe one day - but just rest assured this fic isn’t just the manifestation of an irrational love of a video game character (which it is, of course) but it’s… somewhat healing for me. And a gift to myself. And it took a lot, and I mean A LOT, for me to even put it out there.

I’m not saying everyone needs to shower me with praise and affection at all times, or that I think I’m uniquely incredible at what I do, or that I need validation to keep going - I am much more motivated by spite anyway lol. And I for sure don’t want to minimize the folks who have been devotedly commenting on every chapter, have texted me outside of here/AO3 to talk about it, have made FAN ART (which is crazy!!!!), have reblogged every chapter and sent me asks. I appreciate it so so so much and it means more to me than I could ever verbalize.

But like, damn. Sometimes the sadness has hands and sometimes it’s the absence of folks you thought would be there that’s all you can see, y’know?

And then I decided to look at the other Heisenberg/OC fics, and the ones that are purely platonic, and basically anything that isn’t 2nd person w/smut or part of a popular canon x canon ship. I looked at ones that came out right around the game’s release, ones that came out last week.

And like, damn. Chrysalis has a staggering amount of engagement in comparison, especially when you consider I published it two years late. I didn’t have an AO3 account at all until fucking February 2023. And that makes me feel sort of good, but now I’m just mad again lmao. You should not have to jump into things at peak popularity or have an established following or include popular pairings/tropes to have your work get noticed. I mean, logically, I know this is just how media and art works to an extent - and I’m not saying people who do write/create in the popular fandoms for popular ships are doing something wrong - but it really shows how unwilling folks are to step outside their comfort zones and read things that they think they’re not interested in or won’t like.

There are platonic, x oc, rarepair etc fics that are so stunningly beautiful that it feels criminal for them to only have a handful of commenters and kudos. And honestly the people writing these are doing so with an insane amount of passion because you HAVE to in order to keep finding the strength to publish that next chapter when you know you’re explicitly going against what people insist they want. Again, this extends to more traditional art forms too - how many fucking brilliant books and paintings are out there gathering dust because the creator didn’t have the right connections or they didn’t make something that had mass appeal?

I always try to do the “what advice would I give to someone in my position” exercise with stuff like this. And of course I would reference the reality that if you have ONE person who is cheering you on, it’s a whole complex person you’ve made happy and that’s a miracle in and of itself. And some folks don’t WANT to be noticed - they are much happier with small circles and good for them! But also - I don’t think people are wrong when they start feeling crummy from seeing their work get steamrolled or comparatively ignored.

Idk. Idk where I’m going with this except to say I really wish people would expand their fic libraries (and their media/art consumption in general) to include more than just whatever the current hyperfixation is because it gives them serotonin. Take a chance on something different, within reason. (I know someone will try to respond with OH SO YOU’RE SAYING I SHOULD TRIGGER MYSELF or something like good god, no.)

There are some truly awesome popular works and creators out there. Please don’t interpret this as me being some bitter small platform blog ranting because I’m not being elected prom queen. All I’m doing is thinking out loud and sorting through my own spaghetti brain. I think I’m gonna spend part of this weekend sorting fics with the least engagement/popularity first and leaving some comments on them.

It’s a brave and beautiful thing to make and then share art, no matter the form it takes. People deserve to be reminded of that. Frequently.

[sepublic]

            Overlord the Dark Wyvern is the ultimate empath; She’s made of the same stuff that all minds and emotions are, called Dark/Yin energy. That makes her naturally attuned to everyone else’s feelings, and she can’t turn it off. As a result, she’s susceptible to not the good feelings, but the bad ones… Pain, sorrow, hatred, etc.

            And it’s utter agony for her, the presence of the good will always be drowned out by the presence of even one speck of the pain; Overlord fixates deeply on these negative feelings, and it’s difficult to just ignore the way anger and self-loathing are addictive, it’s how psychology works, it’s why ragebait garners more views.

            The darkness completely sours and overtake Overlord’s attention, and she grows to see the worst in people. It doesn’t help that she has a strong sense of morality, which isn’t necessarily the same as being moral, either; It just means Overlord subscribes strictly to a set of rules, and takes any violation of them severely, wanting to see any ‘resolution’ all the way through. And boy can she feel more knee-jerk indignant, and immediately assume those feelings as correct, than she should.

            Combine this with the fact that all three Tao Wyverns have god complexes ranging from low-key to high-key; Being born as direct children of the Great Entity, and their most powerful ones, representing the three energies that make up the universe, will do that to you. There’s this sense that they all have an innate responsibility/authority due to their lineage and vast power.

            So while Titan insists on being as passive as possible, not intervening in mortal affairs unless the larger existence of all mortals is threatened, Overlord has decided that the mortals need a ruler. A savior, a leader to guide them into a proper age. This isn’t just her having greater pride, it’s also motivated by the fact that she’s constantly prone to the suffering of mortals; Ignoring it isn’t working, so the only solution is to remove suffering through her own hands, rather than waiting for unreliable mortals to figure it out for her.

            This might seem more compassionate at first glance, but to be honest… Overlord’s ‘plan’ to make people get along, to eliminate or at least minimize suffering, has ethical issues. The way she sees it, the overwhelming majority of suffering comes from the shortcomings of others; People aren’t able to pick up on others’ suffering, they don’t address them, they do things that hurt people without caring. People simply don’t care enough, is what Overlord has decided.

            How do you make them care? Give them a reason to care, because mortals are inherently selfish; There is no such thing as truly unconditional love, everyone devotes themselves to others because seeing others thrive makes them happy. It all comes back to one’s own happiness, doesn’t it? And it’s hard to be happy if you’re miserable…

            Overlord didn’t immediately go through with her plan, she observed and experimented for centuries. She saw how mortals were frighteningly dull in their senses; They could not hear or feel what others felt, which made it easy to disregard them as separate entities, when the truth was what they were all the same, coming from the same being and comprising that same Great Entity. But many could be compelled to feel compassion, or change their actions, upon feeling empathy; Upon realizing the true scope of what they’d done, upon understanding what it was like to be on the other end of cruelty, and not being able to live with propagating that cruelty.

            The ultimate nature of compassion proved too elusive for Overlord, or anyone really, to truly comprehend; To keep things simple, it seemed the most reliable and easiest method was to just make people empathize. Empathy was a way to establish consequences; Children are naturally low in empathy, but when they understand consequences, especially in regards to things they feel attachment towards, then they learn and appreciate morality. The mortals are all children, with their pitiful lifespans compared to Overlord’s.

            How do you get them to understand? To feel? Overlord meditated; The Great Entity’s three energies were still largely concentrated in the three ‘realms’ of this universe, and their Yin became the Dream Aether. It embodied not just the collective dreams of all, but the Great Entity’s dreams, and their knowledge was hidden deep below… Due to her nature, Overlord was the best out of all her siblings at connecting to this vast well of knowledge to glean inspiration in the mind of god.

            That’s when she knew her answer; Each Tao Wyvern had blood, blood they could use to imbue their own essence and properties into other beings. Overlord’s was Dark Matter, and she would infect all mortals with it. They would partake in her natural empathy, a collective hivemind; Except not for thoughts, but for emotions, for feelings. If one felt grief, all would feel grief. If one felt rage, all would feel rage. And the only way to end that agony was to resolve it.

            Overlord predicted that the mortals’ first instinct would just be to silence the source of their agony entirely, but that’s where she stepped in to dictate and lead them, to threaten them into doing otherwise; They would work out their differences. And as she reasoned, even without Overlord’s guidance, the mortals would inevitably realize the problem with just snuffing out an individual source of suffering; Because that would create a butterfly effect, as those who cared for that person would also suffer. That would create even more suffering, as would the feelings the source would have over being murdered; So the inevitable choice would be to address the source’s suffering in a healthy manner that avoided their death.

            It was not a perfect system, Overlord knew; Animals still needed to die, and animals were often too stupid to listen. And she admittedly felt some moral reluctance on making others suffer… But it was the best solution she could come up with, she rationalized it was for the Greater Good, and would minimize the agony she had to deal with; Maybe then she could finally find peace…Was it secretly okay with Overlord to want things for herself and others, or did she feel shame in these impure intentions and insist there was no other motive? Thus deluding her to her own issues?

            Now, it did occur to Overlord, an ultimate solution; Wiping out all mortals, ending their entire existence, snuffing out all feelings and emotions and especially suffering. That might displease Titan and Preeminent…

            (Either, each Wyvern has all three energies, but is just so dominated by one… Or they only consist of that one energy. The latter option might make her siblings the only beings in the universe that Overlord could feel at peace around, but it also meant she was naturally doomed to miscommunicate with them, just as mortals were with each other; Not so different after all, were they?)

            But Overlord felt an obligation to the Great Entity, to cultivate their generations, to be a dutiful child. She would not go that far, and maybe she feared being forever haunted by the collective agony of every mortal upon their demise anyway. Likewise, she felt morally obligated to let mortals live, because these other priorities were an extension of Overlord’s rigid sense of morality.

            Titan obviously objected to Overlord’s plan; This was too far, this was messing with the very nature of the mortals, and unbalancing them! Overlord accused Titan of having it easy, her sister could afford to ignore the suffering of mortals; She was able to ignore it at all! It did not come so easy to Overlord, every mortal’s pain, was HER pain, if a mortal bled, so did she. Overlord was the only one who understood the mortals, far more than her other siblings; They were selfish and closed-off, she decided.

            Overlord came to conflict with Titan, who had the help of two mortals; One of them was able to act as a host, amplifying Titan’s power to tip the balance in her favor. Overlord was defeated, but simply destroying her would not work out; She was intertwined with the Great Entity, an immortal being. And one death had already proven to Overlord that she could still feel as she waited to eventually reform… So destroying herself routinely was no option for her peace of mind.

            Instead, she was trapped, sealed away; It felt no different to Overlord than being temporarily destroyed, except after destruction, she could reform to change the world around her. Sealed away, Overlord could do nothing; All she could do was hope someone else would release her, but with Titan and her mortal champion burying that knowledge, she was doomed.

            Did Overlord feel Titan’s grief at having to do this to her sister, to spare the mortals and the greater wellbeing of everyone else? Did it just add to her own misery, enrage her; How dare her sister add to her already unimaginable agony?! Overlord was left no choice but to seethe and simmer in pain for millennia, building even greater resentment towards the mortals, and becoming all the more convinced and stubborn of her cause. She would eventually be freed by a child of Titan’s champion, as well as a delusional mortal with a similar desire for control named Charren…

            Overlord’s character is a tragic one, in many ways; She didn’t ask to be made like this. Her existence is one so particular and unique, as an empath with no control over her receptiveness to others’ feelings. It’s the curse of her nature, and there doesn’t seem to be an easy way out…

            Except, maybe there is; Titan felt grief for her sister, and actually meditated on, and considered, a way to separate a Tao Wyvern from most of their power, reducing them to a shadow of their former self; Existing on the same scale as mere mortals, even if still immortal themselves. She hoped finding a way to split Overlord from her own Dark energy could make her far less receptive, maybe even immune like mortals are, to the Dark energy of others.

            But this would reduce Overlord to a mere nobody, it would deprive her of the sacred duty she felt towards the Great Entity; It was still her task to oversee the universe, and losing so much agency and control that came with that power was unimaginable to her. Overlord still felt pride, and maybe Titan DID bring up the option to her beforehand; Maybe Overlord turned it down. Maybe she did trap herself in this dilemma, because she’d have been given an out.

            Overlord is kind of a commentary, I suppose, on empathy; Namely deconstructing the idea that empathy necessarily makes you a good person, because there are plenty of people with low empathy who can be kind. And there are many with high empathy, whose reaction to feeling others’ suffering is to only be angry at them for being exposed to it. There are many people who feel empathy for others, they just choose not to feel it for others; Like it’s something they can turn on and off at will, which I’m sure Overlord would be jealous of.

            Overlord is those high-empathy people, the ones I’ve mentioned who feel enraged at being made to partake in the suffering of others. Maybe she did feel some compassion, at some point; But as someone, probably Trexdis, angrily calls out; She doesn’t actually care about others for their sake, Overlord just cares about her own peace and quiet. And that does raise the question, of whether caring for others and yourself are necessarily mutually exclusive, if they can go hand in hand together and don’t have to be separate…

            And yet, Overlord’s plan is juxtaposed with the intentions of the protagonists of the GEverse’s third arc; I want to explore the idea of people who have suffered themselves, but then choose to be kinder, so as to spare others that pain. They’d rather not have others suffer like they do, just to be understood; Pain is not good, it just tears down. A better world comes in minimizing that. There’s a difference between not wanting people to go through the same things you did, and not communicating to them how much it’s sucked, either; You’re still allowed to bring up your own issues to call people out, get them to stop.

            One of the protagonists for this arc is Sally the Slicer, a former serial killer who is devoid of empathy; Yet she’s able to care. She found a way to, on some level she became dissatisfied with her current existence, recognized it was going nowhere, and wanted something more meaningful. And by befriending others, she’s begun to adopt their morals for their own sake, because she cares about them; Even if in the end, Sally feels nothing if she murders a child. But that doesn’t mean she can’t understand that it’s wrong and should be avoided.

            Sally can’t feel; Not just emotions, but she also can’t feel most physical sensations. Her sense of touch is mostly numb, and this is due to evil experiments by a group later revealed to have been founded by Preeminent, of all people; Haha, what a way for one sibling to mess with the other, so indirectly but inevitably! But yeah, Sally is a being cursed with numbness, and she was reprogrammed to find only delight in murdering, that’s why she was a serial killer at all.

            So it kind of is a sacrifice on her part not to indulge in that as much; And I say as much, because Sally still believes that sometimes, you gotta kill some people. She considers herself a moral pragmatist, and after having an existential crisis over being only good for destruction and tearing down, she opted to repurpose that into something productive because destruction and creation are two sides of the same coin. This helps goes with the Yin-Yang symbolism with this arc.

            Again, that’s why Sally began allying with others, to help them and feel constructive as a way to assuage her emptiness. One could say she only did it to add to her satisfaction from killing, knowing it was doing something; Except she also toned down the killing a lot, only doing it as necessary per her first friend Talikal’s instructions. Talikal’s a big douche, more on him later, but he’s still got some morals, and is also being practical regarding his goals; Sally’s moral pragmatism was influenced by him.

            The third arc is discussing the idea of… What is Good and Evil? How do we define it? How do we define morals? What makes someone Good, what makes someone Evil? Is it dis/regard for others? Does goodness come from empathy, is compassion rooted in empathy and nothing without it? Or do people like Sally put a hole in that theory? What is justice, should it be punitive, or restorative? Is it harm reduction we’re going for, and that’s why someone like Sally is allowed to go free and become better?

            Yin-Yang’s aesthetics make it easy to sort into the binaries of Good and Evil, but that’s a Western misunderstanding; Its binaries are morally neutral. So there’s potential in deconstructing Good and Evil within Yin and Yang, because Overlord has high empathy but isn’t really a ‘good’ person, in layman’s terms… Titan elects for total passivity, but is that necessarily right? After all, should we not feel obligated to do something about the world around us, as Overlord does?

            Anyhow, the ethical problem with Overlord’s plan is that she thinks increasing the suffering in this world, making everyone share it, will necessarily be a good thing in the long run; But sometimes, trauma doesn’t make you better or stronger, it just breaks you down. People can find ways to be better, or encourage others to be, without making them suffer, just understand. Maybe that’s the real solution; Understanding. But how can you make people understand?! That’s why Overlord opts for making all of society into one collective empath, plus that solution is easier and more accessible with her own abilities and nature.

            If we define things by the Greater Good, then does that mean Overlord’s suffering is a Necessary Evil, a sacrifice? Or is it just a sacrifice for the comfort of everyone else? Some believe that if even one suffers, then the rest do, on a more abstract level; How can you turn your eye away from that? I like to imagine an exchange between Overlord and Trexdis, who claims that Trex and everyone else is using her as their martyr, their sacrificial lamb, in exchange for their own convenience; Because they will not partake in Overlord’s suffering for the greater good.

            Trexdis, who can be quite blunt when she puts her mind to things, asks So what? Aren’t mortals your priority, Overlord? Or are you angry that we might matter more than you, who is allegedly of greater authority because you said so? Because yeah, this arc also questions the inherent authority of the Tao Wyverns, if it really truly matters that they were born directly from the Great Entity and are stronger than everyone else, etc.

            The Wyverns aren’t Gods, which is also part of Lloyd’s arc and how they grapple with feel obligated to a greater destiny as Titan’s new champion; Not unlike Overlord… Except Trexdis calls that out as bullshit, Lloyd is just a kid, and she’s not going to let Titan groom this child like Arkley already did. But shouldn’t the Greater Good be prioritized over one child’s life? What’s different between Lloyd and Overlord? Are they sacrificial lambs, meant to bear all of the world’s agony for them like Jesus, whether they actually want to or not?

            But maybe there’s always been another way; Which for Overlord, could just be eradicating everyone… Or it could just involve letting go of her pride and control, because a lot of her obsession with sticking to her power is because just the thought of these unresolved injustices bothers her; She can’t let it go like she does the anger she feels. I think Overlord does care on some level, but that care has warped into a self-destructive need for control. And she can’t have that without power.

            There’s lot of stuff about feeling, emotional and physical, and how they can be tied together; Body and Mind are intertwined, Yin and Yang, and fittingly the Mind is Yin, and the Body is Yang, which is Titan’s domain. That plays into the Techna League wanting to put everyone’s brains into machines for their good, deciding a loss of feeling is a necessary evil, and also wanting to do away with that necessary evil by figuring out how to perfect the interface; Thereby making their solution morally perfect! The numbness of Technas parallels Sally’s…

            And then we have the Ensemble, who is a reverse Techna, a computer brain within an organic shell, and a hive mind at that, hearkening to Overlord’s plans. They’re a hedonist, they love the physical pleasure that comes from their organic bodies, and it creates a juxtaposition with Sally; Yin and Yang. They’re also a mercenary who cares mostly for themselves, so there’s potential in the whole ‘Selfish/Selfless’ motives, how the Ensemble isn’t necessarily bad. What are Moral Obligations? I think those definitely exist because on some level, we gotta cut out the overthinking and adhere to common sense.

            But yeah, that’s Overlord the Dark Wyvern; Her personality and motives, her issues, what she represents, etc. She’s a deeply frustrated, stressed-out, and seething entity; Maybe she isn’t just making everyone feel each other’s pain for the greater good, maybe there’s some genuine spite and resentment towards the world, and so she wants them to feel her anger, and take it out on everyone else; Make them suffer as she did, make them suffer period. That hearkens back to the Retributive VS Restorative justice thing, because it seems Overlord may also believe in punishment as a part of morality…?

            She is NOT happy when Wayvren and Charren release her; She’s just less agonized, that’s all she really is. Never quite happy, and at some point I think she’s chosen to ignore happiness to just fixate on her frustrations, because there’s something addicting about that, it feels cathartic and good in a way that makes no damn sense. It’s like self-harm, and in the end it leads Overlord to harm a lot of other people; It’s like how she believes that if one suffers, all suffer. Is this appropriate or ironic? For a Literature major like Trexdis, it’s just confusing.

            Overlord can’t read thoughts, not exactly; Her main domain is on emotions, intent, feelings. She can feel the deepest, darkest secrets within one’s heart, and it provokes a moral outrage and disgust in her, which is the reason why she can’t just let go of her power to be at peace; It’s her own sense of justice that compels her to keep it, to ‘fix’ people.

            Again, the Good/Evil dichotomy, because if you have Bad feelings and thoughts, but keep them in control like Sally the Slicer and her love of murder does… Does it really matter? As long as you do no harm, it might make no difference on whether you’re a Good or Bad person… But it CAN mean something regarding your own personal suffering, if it’s difficult to handle these feelings and keep them in check, if you’re disturbed by your thoughts. And that can be grounds for people to understand and support you, without having to participate in those same feelings.

            Not only is Overlord desperately trying to keep her peace and quiet, but she’s also a deeply righteous being who believes that intrusive thoughts make you evil and prove it. That moral code is why she can’t just kill everyone because she believes in Good and Evil, or her definition of it which shares some very basic tenets with the common understanding. But that righteous crusader vibe is juxtaposed with her looking conventionally ‘evil’ and ‘dark’ compared to Titan.

            And ironically, it’s that obsession with defining morality, and being far too strict with it, that makes Overlord so destructive; Especially compared to Titan’s passivity, with Sally’s moral pragmatism, because Overlord believes in the principle of things, in Purity, because she sees emotions and feelings and they’re a lot harder to ignore when it comes to deciding Good and Evil. Conversely, characters like Sally can’t, Sally can’t even empathize…

            So again; Are the protagonists just lucky, and Overlord unlucky? Do they have any right to judge? Do they need to have personally gone through the same to condemn, because again, do we really want people to feel and experience exactly as we have?

            Are feelings necessarily good; Overlord’s knee jerk ‘moral’ reactions make her assume she’s right, but not always. Meanwhile Sally doesn’t feel anything, and is a moral pragmatist. Are feelings necessary to be happy, or can they be more pain than they’re worth? How would the Ensemble feel, would this be what Charren needs to hear to justify her violation of others’ bodies?

            Is compassion a feeling, or is just pragmatic logic; Is logic really so objective, or is there a base subjective goal of builds itself around? Hence Overlord representing the Mind, which isn’t necessarily Emotions. Hence her being able to access calculations within the Great Entity, while an AI like the Ensemble has a very personal, feelings goal that their logic revolves around.

            And in essence, the paradox of Overlord is that she’s a rigidly righteous crusader, and those feelings are at odds with… SO many feelings she wants to be rid of; She wants to care for herself. She wants to care about others, but is that righteousness just selfish and coming from a sense of pride and control? Being pulled in two directions cancels out, Overlord can only stay in one place, she can’t go anywhere; She is trapped, hence her agonizing dilemma.

            She believes in her authority, both moral and in general. She’s disgusted at evil and seeks to eradicate it, especially because of how it leads to suffering, and she is disturbed by both cruel thoughts and actual suffering. And if she just killed everyone, the silence would only be replaced by her own guilt over her hypocrisy; She’s not heartless, but it’s hard to tell where the line is between her compassion and selfishness, and it’s possibly a very thin one.

            In the end, I wonder if maybe her indignation towards cruelty and the suffering it causes may have been sparked by seeing mortals she cared for also get hurt; Overlord was made to feel their pain, she saw the direct connection between injustice and suffering, and ill intentions. It awakened her eyes, more than they’d already been, and what had once been something she could overlook, was now something Overlord had to obsess over and could not just let go of. Moral indignation fuels the resentment Overlord feels over her own suffering, inherent or related to those she cared about.

            There were other options; Just letting go, focusing on the good, resolving the bad as much as you have to and moving on. Letting go of that power entirely, letting go of that obligation that is making you both miserable, and a tyrant in trying to fulfill it. Maybe Overlord should look into Buddhism, we’ve already discussed Daoism (Maybe Western conceptions of Good and Evil are the problem haha, hence why it doesn't fit within Yin and Yang and leads to Overlord's mandess).

            In the meantime, maybe our protagonists are just gonna have to make Overlord let go, because this cycle can’t keep going, and there’s no real difference between destroying Overlord and waiting for her to reform, or sealing her away knowing eventually, she’ll get out. It could be right away, too; Destroying Overlord guarantees a consistent temporality, trapping her means it’s very flexible which could be in their favor or not.

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Mar 13

Dear Dad,

We’re still being followed, and we've been seeing the Donkey cult people when we stop. We're pretty sure it's the right group, in part because they're, you know, following us. 

We’ve barely stopped in days; we haven't really had a chance to make any money, so we don't even have money for inns, and when we do, we're barely stopping long enough to sleep. Riley and Reese won't let us sleep on the road, even though it's been messing up  our sleep, because they're worried about the cult people catching up to us when we don't at least have four walls to protect us. 

I feel like I haven't been sleeping at all. Almost as soon as I lay my head down, I'm being woken up, and almost as soon as I can sleep after my watch shift, we're back up. The innkeepers we've stayed with have been concerned about our hours. Show up in the evening or morning, or what have you, and check out a little later. Not enough time for us to sleep at all, but we really need the minimal sleep. And we're not getting it. 

Everyone's got eye bags, and when we're walking, we're moving at a snail's pace.

Everyone is getting snippy with each other, and I hate it. I just want to sleep more.

The towns are distractions at best. We've changed course a couple times, and we're still heading toward the city but darting off side to side. Zig zagging. 

I don't think it's helping very much, if at all. 

No one knows how they know how to find us. We've all checked ourselves and each other for anything and everything that might be a tracking device, electric or magical.

Willow suggested we should just get rid of all our clothes and stuff and get completely new stuff just in case it was invisible. Which sounded insane when she first mentioned it, but now that I'm thinking about it, I think it might be the best choice. 

We’re scared. That's really what it boils down to. I'm scared. Riley, Will, Reese, Zunair, and Grace are scared. Everyone's scared. We don't know why they want us, what they want us for, how they track us, or anything. We don't know anything. We just want to get away. 

I don't know if we even can get away. If the city really is big, maybe we'll be able to lose them in it, but I don't know for sure. It might be a tiny city, or maybe the high priest person was right, and they're already waiting there for us. 

Our only hope is to lose them, but they've been relentless. Maybe once we get the information, we can see if the temple can help us again. I'm not too hopeful. I mean, we basically ignored them the first time. But if we're at least somewhere, anywhere else, maybe they won't be able to find us again? Or we'll be able to put enough distance between us and them so that we'll be able to get home before they catch up to us again?

We’re trying to get home, but what if something happens to us first? 

Grace has already almost died from being attacked, Zunair has already almost died from freezing to death, and I'VE ALREADY ALMOST DIED! We've gotten so close, so very, terrifyingly close to death

. And that was almost all just pure chance, wrong place, wrong time, and my not knowing just how dangerous of a situation I'd put myself into. 

And now we're being hunted down, actively, like animals. 

It's terrifying, it really is. I just want to go home. I just want to sleep. I just want to see you again and know that it's all going to be okay. 

I don't think it's ever going to be okay again. I really don't think it is, and I don't know if there's anything I can do to fix it.

I don't know if anyone can fix it. 

I’ll write when I can. I can't believe I even had enough time to write you now. 

I’m sorry for everything I've ever done. For complaining when you weren't home. For everything I can remember doing wrong and anything I don't remember.

I'm really sorry, and if I don't make it home, I hope you'll be able to read these and know that I love you and that I really, really tried to get home.

I'm sorry I'm leaving you alone. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. 

I'll keep trying till my dying breath if that's what it takes, I really hope it doesn't come to that. 

But I'll keep trying. 

This is not just for you but for everyone: for Grace's family, for Riley and Willow, and for Zunair and Reese's families, too. So even if I don't make it home, even if none of us do, you'll all know that we tried, that we wanted to, that we didn't give up. 

I'll keep trying, 

Jack

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