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leejeongz · 4 years

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cravity reaction to you giving them the silent treatment

🔅thank you for reading my work and following! and than you for requesting! i wrote this like giving them the silent treatment, as you can tell, because i’m not sure what other context you would ignore them in🥺 i hope you don’t mind! and not all of them are serious hehe🔅

serim:

reason for the silent treatment: you were jealous when you saw him talking to the stylists and sitting real close to them

he tried his damned hardest to not give in to you. this lasted for quite a while this time actually, an hour maybe? then he started feeling empty. he hadn’t hugged you or bugged you for a whole hour, even you were getting concerned at this point. he came over to you while you were washing your bowl and pan from lunch, standing behind you for a few seconds before deciding to poke your cheek. you tried to ignore him at first, then you tried swatting his hand away.

“i’m not moving it until you talk to me!” he exclaimed. you knew the annoying smile he’d have on his face right now that you couldn’t resist so you chose not to look at him, instead you concentrated on putting the wet dishes on the drying rack. “i can do this all day”

he really wasn’t lying, you wouldn’t put that past him, so you just chose to give up, it was easier than having a clingy serim around you all day. (you get that anyway but what can u do?)

“you should eat” you said quietly. serim smiled at you in response and removed his finger.

“you’re right, maybe i will go grab something with the stylists” he joked, risking another hour of the silent treatment. he was so lucky that you could take a joke.

allen:

reason for the silent treatment: he forgot your 1 year anniversary (this got a lil deep for some reason, kinda angsty, just a warning)

he started by giving you as much attention as possible. usually you’d be loving the skinship and cuddles, but right now you didn’t want to even see his face. you swatted his hands away and stormed off to your room. he sat back on the sofa, eyes and mouth both wide. he’d never seen you like this before. his head soon fell into his hands, which rested on his knees. once the first tear fell, it was soon followed by dozens more. it made him even weaker knowing you were probably crying too. he didn’t know whether to come to you or not but he decided to stay put for a little longer. after a few minutes, he saw your feet across the carpet and lifted his head, apologising profusely as he did so. you sat beside him, and looked at him, which he reciprocated almost immediately. he grabbed your hands instinctively but not before wiping a tear from your right cheek.

“do you care?” you asked.

“of course i care. i care about you, about us, i care a lot.” he pleaded, tears starting to burn at his cheeks.

“okay” you said, licking a tear from lips and nestling into his side.

he wrapped his arm around you and sniffled some more before asking if there was any way he could make it up to you.

jungmo:

reason for the silent treatment: you failed an exam and you think it’s because he kept distracting you while revising

he couldn’t help himself, he just HAD to follow you around like a lost puppy. he tried his best to apologise, knowing it was the easiest thing to do even if he wasn’t guilty, but it just made you ignore him even more, not even giving him the advantage of reading your face. honestly, his incessant following was cute, but he could never know that.

“y/n please” he begged from behind you as you made your way to the bathroom. “don’t make me come in there too” he tried to make light of the situation.

you turned and stood against the closed bathroom door, now looking at him from across the hallway. you raised your eyebrow and he started to talk once again.

“i didn’t realise what i was doing, i just wanted to spend time with you, i will never do it again, if i do you can shout at me, i’m kidding please don’t do that ,i would cry, i know you wouldn’t ever-“ you stopped him with a kiss. you hated how he had you WHIPPED for him, but you wouldn’t really have it any other way.

“i won’t you idiot, although i may accidentally purposely back my chair into you, gently of course” you joked “now can i please go in here… alone?”

woobin:

reason for the silent treatment: he used your toothbrush

“you changed yours to the exact same colour as mine, it was going to happen on day anyway” he announced, rolling his eyes while walking to the cupboard to get himself a different toothbrush. “where are they?” he shouted to you.

you chose not to respond and that’s when he knew he was currently experiencing the dreaded silent treatment. normally he’d be quite thankful for some peace and quiet but the circumstances weren’t great so...

“oh brilliant, how mature of you” he slammed the door to the cupboard shut, still being careful not to damage it though. “you know it’s not going to get you anywhere” he once again rolled his eyes. “i’m going to my room, see you at dinner, sweetheart”. and that’s exactly when you saw him next. he was so stubborn sometimes, you had to give in else you’d never talk to him again.

“here” you tossed him a new toothbrush while he was close to the sink.

“this is still the same colour th-“

“ITS ROMANTIC WOOBIN” you shouted.

“from one extreme to another, clearly” he laughed, throwing you the toothbrush back. “now how about we be romantic in that restaurant down the street?”

wonjin:

reason for the silent treatment: he ate without you

“i swear i won’t do it again” he pleaded in his final words before giving up and slumping his way to his room, leaving you cooking your meal for one.

you wouldn’t normally be this mad about him eating without you, you didn’t even live together, it was just that today you’d planned to have dinner together but you were an hour late due to traffic. surely he could have waited an extra 60 minutes, right?

wonjin threw himself on the bed, sulking for 5 seconds then convincing himself he was in the right all along and acting like nothing was wrong. he pulled out his phone and started playing a game, one that he knew he would spend hours on if he started playing it. half way through the first round, something clicked in his brain. why was he sitting here neglecting you when he owes an apology? he composed himself and made his way back out to the kitchen, ready to start his begging for forgiveness.

“okay so sometimes... sometimes you can be unreasonable” great start, you thought, rolling your eyes “but on this occasion, i think your reaction is justified. take as long as you want, i’ll be standing right here” he said, mimicking a “rooting in place” action by twisting his feet on the laminate flooring.

minhee:

reason for the silent treatment: he accidentally recycled a piece of your homework

“how was i supposed to know you needed this stupid map?” he questioned. but you didn’t respond. instead you just went to his room and sulked, in silence. he followed and stood in the doorway, firing questions at you for the next 5 minutes before huffing and leaving you to sulk alone. he knew he was the mature one here, but he still felt guilty for what he did so 10 minutes later he came back to you and tried again, this time calmer and more willing to listen.

“i can help you do it again” he insisted “but i’m not that great at drawing maps” he admitted. you turned away from him. he probably thought you were just continuing the silent treatment but really, you were trying your hardest not to laugh.

“you know i just printed that out right? i didn’t draw that” you whispered, giving in.

“are you saying i just endured the silent treatment for a map that took seconds to print out? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” he shouted jokingly, sitting at his computer and bringing up an identical map. “here, print.” he grabbed it off the printer and realised yet another issue “you also used MY printer ink. i should have give myself the silent treatment for wasting ink like that.”

hyeongjun:

reason for the silent treatment: he killed you first in among us

hyeongjun thought it was a joke at first, it was just a game after all it's not that serious.

“you can still do your ghost tasks” he mimicked.

you did NOT find this funny. he made you look like a fool in front of your friends, surely your boyfriend isn’t supposed to kill you first, you thought. you pressed the home button on your phone, automatically leaving the game, and turned your phone back to portrait. you scrolled through your home screens for a while, looking like you were doing something important in hopes it would make hyeongjun jealous but he was too engrossed in the game. it wasn’t until you threw your phone on the bed and got up that he realised you’d left.

“you left the game? why? oh you’re gonna get snacks? can you get me those chocolate jazzle things you bought for us please?” he asked, still engrossed in the game.

you rolled your eyes and let out a very loud “ugh” which he didn’t even bat an eyelid at. you returned with the chocolates in your hand which got his attention, but instead of handing them to him, you ate them and looked like you were enjoying them.

“i’m SO sorry i killed you y/n” he rolled his eyes as you did earlier, but you pretended to not hear him, just as he did.

this went on until he, as the imposter, lost the game, and you couldn’t help but laugh in his face.

taeyoung:

reason for the silent treatment: he laughed at you for getting scared during a horror movie

you hit his chest and got up in a huff. how dare he laugh at you when you were genuinely scared?! the sound of his laugh was always nice, always except now, it just annoyed you. you went to the fridge to grab some of his snacks, the first time you did this without politely asking for permission. he never minded that you wanted food, he wished you’d just get them yourself, you didn’t have to ask, what was his was yours, so you took advantage of that but it really didn’t feel right.

“hey the movie hasn’t finished yet!” he shouted, turning over and seeing you scan his fridge. “there’s nothing in there, i’m the only snack in this place” he said, flipping back over. “oh and you, of course”. you narrowed your eyes and bobbed your head sarcastically behind him, as if you were mimicking what he said. you sat back down again empty handed, this time sitting on the single chair that was far from him.

“oh what’s wrong? you think you’re strong enough to sit alone? you don’t need me anymore?” he laughed once again. you just concentrated on the screen, your heart beating faster than ever before, hoping no scares were coming up.

“okay okay i’ll stop. now please come over here and cuddle me because i think he’s gonna do something again and i don’t want you to be scared on your own.”

you contemplated his preposition for a little, the tv making your decision for you when the music started getting louder and you felt the need for someone’s arms around you.

seongmin:

reason for the silent treatment: he spent the whole of your day off napping

“what’s for dinner?” he asked sleepily. his eyes opened to your figure, stood over him, your arms were folded and lips were sealed shut in a sort of angry pout. “what?” he questioned.

you yanked you duvet from him and threw it on the floor now giving you the perfect opportunity to grab your teddy that he’d slept with and leave. but that boy was gripping on to your teddy for dear life it seemed, he wasn’t letting go. “what are you doing? i can’t explain if you won’t tell me what’s wrong. and i’m not giving up lolly llama until you tell me”.

“just give me the llama seongmin” you broke your silence.

“is it because i slept all day?” when the words left his mouth, you stopped fighting for the teddy, you stopped leaning over him, you stopped trying to hide what had been getting to you all day. “because if it is i’m sorry, i woke up today with a really bad headache and i didn’t want to worry you.” he pointed to the tablets and headache strips on the side.

“is it-” you paused to look at him “is it better now?” you asked, knowing the best treatment for a headache was sleep.

“a lot better” he smiled in your direction “i am prepared to pull an all nighter with my favourite person now”

gifs aren’t mine

#cravity #cravity imagines #cravity reactions #serim #allen #jungmo #woobin #wonjin #minhee #hyeongjun #taeyoung #seongmin

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shinelikethunder · 4 years

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Rewatching Hannibal 1x07 Sorbet, and noticing how much of it is about what happens when you don’t become the mask you wear for the rest of the world. What happens to the part of you that’s stubbornly distinct from your façade, when it’s been trapped behind it for so long that even you aren’t sure what it might look like when viewed (...seen). The fear that it’s malformed and pitiable, followed by the slim, terrifying hope that the person who glimpses it might care more about it than about your meticulously-ornamented shell. (Which, among other things, hoo boy if that ain’t a Big Queer Mood... fitting, really, that this is the episode with a gratifying little revenge fantasy about medical homophobia, serophobia, and hostile assumptions about what “ugly little secret” you must be hiding.)

And in that context, one of the Thomas Harris quotes remixed into this episode makes a lot more sense to me than it did on previous viewings: “I see [the Ripper] as one of those pitiful things sometimes born in hospitals [...] They let it die. But he doesn’t die. He looks normal. Nobody can tell what he is.” It’s a demonstration of the thing Hannibal finds most terrifying and alluring about Will: he keeps seeing through all the personae and person suits. At this point it’s through a glass darkly, but still with shocking clarity, considering he doesn’t even know what--who--he’s seeing. Hannibal spends the episode coming up with new misdirections on the spot to test him: the “Chesapeake Ripper or organ harvesters?” red herring, the little game of “two lies and a truth” with the Ripper photos in Quantico. And every time, Will demolishes the misdirections and acknowledges the tiny scraps of truth, almost effortlessly, without even realizing what he’s doing. The episode ends with Will skipping out on the Extremely Person Suit dinner party to go examine its ugly underbelly: the Ripper cases that put the food on the table. Of course Hannibal is secretly delighted at the snub.

It’s the prospect of being seen that forces Hannibal to reckon with what the thing under his many masks might look like. The thing that so stubbornly refuses to die, even when starved of connection or recognition. And the unpleasant truth is that that thing looks a lot more like Franklyn than he’d ever want to admit.

Franklyn is so cringe-inducing to watch as a character--and no doubt even more unpleasant to interact with--that, as with Freddie Lounds, the audience kinda has to wonder why Hannibal hasn’t killed him already. I suspect the answer is that he has a weird soft spot for Franklyn as a form of painful self-recognition. Trying to help Mr. Secondhand Embarrassment Personified is like watching a well-hidden, well-guarded part of himself walk around naked, no manners or charm or cultivation, none of the protections that make his person suit so well-tailored. The part that craves connection but has no idea how to go about it, the part that’s fascinated with (curious about) other people but avoids looking at the stunted void it fears is where its sense of self should be. Or, to get all purple about it: Franklyn is a man who flinches at the threshold of his innermost self, but shorn of all the exquisite mental architecture Hannibal's built himself to live in, reduced to begging anyone nearby for shelter.

Even in the next episode, Hannibal goes out of his way to encourage Tobias not to murder Franklyn, which is about as much mercy as he ever shows to people he has personal affection for but wouldn’t hesitate to kill for pragmatic reasons. Of course, because he’s Hannibal, he ends up murdering the poor bastard himself with no hesitation or remorse--but it’s not because of some line of unbearableness that Franklyn finally crossed. It’s because his desire to spite Tobias was stronger than any hope of sparing Franklyn, who by that point had probably seen too much anyway. In his next session with Bedelia he tells her one of his little sideways truths--yes, it’s funny on its face to see him go “I feel responsible for what happened to him” about the man whose neck he snapped with his own hands, but I do think he feels regret if not remorse, for not managing to engineer a situation that kept his cringey shadow self out of the line of fire.

(Side note: I suspect the reason Freddie Lounds didn’t get eaten in the very second episode is that she was the only other person to see through Will’s protective suit of “socially inept smol bean who is very distressed by the insights he gets from his Unspecified Problems Disorder.” Sure, she’s an absolute bitch about it, but she’s an absolute bitch who can pull off outfits even more outrageous than Hannibal’s--she appeals to his sense of fun. As soon as he realized she’d clocked Will as absolutely fucking seething with all kinds of dark potential 24/7, he decided her rudeness and vulgarity were far outweighed by the entertainment value of having her around to cause problems on purpose.)

(Side note #2: All of this neglects the main casefic plot, which does connect to the same themes, but somewhat less directly. The other person going around without a mask in 1x07 is Devon Silvestri, who’s also kind of an inept schlub when viewed for what he really is. He didn’t arrange that crime scene to look like a Ripper murder, he just panicked and GTFO’d--all the conflation comes from Jack Crawford’s desire to find the Ripper and from Hannibal seizing on it as an opportunity for misdirection. It does lead to some fun playing with “are the mutilations for Art (artifice, performance) or for more prosaic uses of the organs?” when the answer, of course, is that the difference between the Ripper murders and the botched organ theft is “why not both?” Silvestri’s one real deception is to pass himself off as an emergency first responder (his day job) while he’s working his less altruistic sideline, and we also get some fun triangulation when Hannibal has to take on that role for real. Will sees him, gets his first good look at Hannibal’s mastery of this skillset that he once cultivated as part of his person suit, but also sees him looking absolutely in his element as he uses his power over life and death to preserve life. He sees it even more clearly against the backdrop of Silvestri’s dubious competence and furtive discomfort with what he’s doing. In his conscious mind he accepts the best possible interpretation of that glimpse, even as he feels a bunch of less-conscious connections snap into place at the sight--ones he isn’t ready to face yet, but boy is he having Big Feelings about it. Some of which may or may not be diverting blood from his brain, and/or setting him up for uncomfortable wet dreams about Hannibal’s hands in his viscera, but thaaat’s probably a topic for another post.)

Anyway. Sorbet as an episode is about the exact opposite of “fake it ‘til you make it”--it’s about the self that doesn’t become what it performs, the wonder of having someone glimpse it no matter how well-hidden it is, and, crucially, the terror of finally examining what someone else may have glimpsed and finding it stunted, ugly, even pitiable in its isolation. Neither the “thing that doesn’t die” quote nor any of the stuff with Franklyn makes sense, IMO, without the realization that Franklyn is an uncomfortable mirror of what’s under Hannibal’s human veil--and that Hannibal is equal parts intrigued and freaked the fuck out that Will keeps catching glimpses of him through the veil.

#hannibal #meta #sorbet #hannibal lecter #will graham #franklyn froideveaux #freddie lounds #sure is a bunch of tasty Mortifying Ordeal bullshit in this episode #here have some tl;dr about it

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tonya-the-chicken · 3 years

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I’m not going to change your views but it does feel a bit dismissive when you say it wasn’t that bad because he had rich parents who neglected him but hey they got a maid for him and he probably wasn’t outcasted or bullied so hey it’s not that bad right 🤷‍♀️! I don’t know he definitely didn’t have the worse out of the villains but I don’t know it felt a bit dismissive is all. Although we need to all remember these are fictional characters so have no idea why the other anon needed to get so aggressive! Also the person in the notes I don’t know how to say it but uh the whole the Todoroki’s had a rich father they didn’t have to work a day in their life take is not a good look. Just because someone has parents with money it doesn’t derail the fact that neglect can cause trauma.

Anyways for the real reason I sent this, you wonder why Dabi is so insane. Well take into account the neglect alongside the fact that he burnt to near death up on that hill alone at the age of what 13? That’s got to be extra traumatising, especially for a child that was already not mentally ok. We also don’t know what his circumstances were like after that fire, like was he homeless? Or picked up by someone nefarious? Kind of like AFO(not him exactly but someone nasty) who maybe fed on his brewing anger and hate instead of positive healing. I’m sure we will find out at some point? I don’t think it was just what happened in the Todoroki household or the fire that broke his mind? There had to be other factors after the fire after his “death”!

[[WARNING!!! I love Dabi as a character but I am not a woobifier so if you are too much into him don't read!!!! No complaints taken, y'all will be blocked for being rude I am too old to deal with people unable to interact with me in good faith (anon it's not for you, you are good and I can't understand your point of view I am just not as good as a person and too old for that shit)]]

I don't think I will change my mind either but I feel like the belief that every trauma is equally bad is just... Simply wrong. Like, we can legit compare this stuff and how badly it affects our brain, what do y'all think psychologists research 🤷‍♀️ Like, your therapist won't tell you this because it's not their job to make you understand you not the centre of the Earth (and it won't help because it is a legit trauma response that is very valid but is annoying you're fucking 25 yo). And to say that, neglectful parenthood is probably the worst parenthood style, as far as I know XD I wrote coursework about this (neglectful bitches are having a lot of need to make us the biggest victims (the bitches is me))... It also feels really American to me? Like, are we going to pretend people who got to live in a nice house and were neglect somehow got it as bad as people living in poverty or warzones? Hello? Imagine telling some orphan "I know you have no parents but actually, my trauma of my father not spending enough time with me is just as severe as yours". Bruh couldn't be me sorry... Like, even taking into account the fact that we can have weaker or stronger nervous systems or be more prone to depressive episodes *looks in the mirror and cries* I simply wouldn't find the guts to say my trauma is as severe as idk people who had physically abusive parents or no parents at all or who were disowned for being gay

And like **again** I am not saying that neglect is not traumatic I WAS NEGLECTED THIS IS TRAUMATIZING AS FUCK. I just am living in a country at war and with lots of discrimination problems and I like... Can't say I am the biggest victim. Sorry I can't though there were times when I was a lot more bitchy especially before being in therapy so I understand where you are coming from and I know what I am saying won't resonate with everyone (it's ok go on your own healing journey I believe in you) but this doesn't mean it is garbage and won't help me or someone else... I've already talked once about it but as a person, I am very easily irritated and envious and really not your local Jesus and partially my trauma turned me like this so being more humble about my sufferings helps me not be a complete bitch (believe me or not but people with traumas and mental illnesses are often insufferable *looks in the mirror* not me though I am perfect... BUT IT IS OK TO BE INSUFFERABLE OK??? like, bitch, that's normal. That's normal to stink when you are depressed it's ok to be a bitch when you are hurting. Forgive yourself because I forgive you (when you are not being an abusive asshole but if you apologize and explain yourself I will forgive that too)

The reason why I talk about the fact he is rich is that I've got a disease called leftism and I am a person of several marginalized identities and since this fandom LOVES looking at characters like real humans, I looked at Dabi this way. And if Dabi was a real human, I wouldn't sympathize with him one bit. I would fucking hate him for being the biggest entitled asshole who commits crimes for the reason his Daddy didn't give him attention. Bitch, my Dad didn't give me attention either! But somehow I don't kill people! And I don't even have money!!!! But like... I am not denying that neglectful parents are not a problem. It is. But he is overreacting, bro. He needs to humble down and recognize the fact he is a fucking idiot (he is). He has inherently so much more resources to recover and heal himself than I had... Yes, I am just being jealous at this point but honestly. Making an entire country suffer for you is not a good thing and y'all need to stop using trauma and mental illness as an excuse for people. No! Being abusive to people because of neglect is not valid, is overreacting and you had no reason to do that. I am dismissing your trauma because you are exaggerating it to make me sympathize with your asshole behaviour. I won't judge people with different sets of standards as I judge myself

I bet it would be dismissive and bad if I said it in conversation with someone who is currently struggling with mental health and is not a murderer. But guess what! I don't talk with humans and my friends the same way I talk on my Tumblr about fictional characters 🤷‍♀️ Not to mention I don't have rich friends akabsksbxm

I think with Dabi there's this whole thing where we saw him at 14 (poor baby boy) and 24 (a grown-ass boy) and... Like, I am so sorry for 14 years old Touya not receiving the help he needs (bruh so relatable) but I am not gonna act like 24 years old bitch can't get his ass to a psychiatrist (extremely unrelatable and infuriating). We shouldn't apply the same standards to kids and adults. We can talk all day long about how society is bad and how our parents ruined us but at some points, you gotta take your life into your own hands and do something and be an adult. And it's fucking hard when you're born with a shitty brain that was fucked up by your parents even more in a society where no one gives a fuck but I sincerely don't know another way to live. You will feel bad and want to die but you either keep on recovering or keep on getting worse and at this point getting worse is Dabi's *choice* That's how I live, that's my framework and I am, of course, extremely fortunate in a lot of ways but I just don't know how are you supposed to survive without the notion that grown people are responsible for themselves and their mental health. We can't act like adults are babies

But as a character, Dabi is fucking hot ngl. Like, do I sometimes want to murder my entire family, make them suffer AND commit terrorist attacks? We all do. Dabi is the dark fantasy of us neglectful bitches craving some attention. Gotta kill the president and tell everyone that my Dad sucks. Imagine the entire country hearing your Dad sucks? That's the juice, that's the dream. Trauma makes you vicious. I get the sentiment. Imagine all those fuckers who made you feel like shit pissing their pants and crying? Imagine your Mom being afraid of you the way you used to be afraid of her? People do have the desire for some violent justice but like... Think of bullied kids committing school shootings. But instead of a kid, it's a grown man who graduated school and who also have a rich father

Ok too much about irl stuff and philosophy shit. I know my way of talking is kinda brute so just know the way I treat people is different from that I treat fictional characters, in particular, I don't call real-life humans submissive and breedable... And stuff...

Damn Dabi is kinda good to project your hatred of your parents in bruh, I should write a fanfic about that (would be cathartic)

To the plotline, I am also very interested in what the hell happened with him after burning because... How the hell he wasn't found? I kind of DON'T want him to be groomed at this point because I feel like it won't be as cool as him just more naturally evolving into what he became. Like, surely, he is an asshole but consider this: as a villain, he is morally obligated to be an asshole

I feel like someone hiding him and Touya overstating the gruesomeness of his living conditions to the dude so he feels *bad* for him and hides him and feels sympathy and Touya gets attention but also begins to reassure himself in the fact his Dad needs to be punished... Idk it's a lot of mystery but I feel like more suffering won't deliver the point the way I want it... I mean it CAN be handled this way and initially I thought a lot about Dabi being brainwashed a bit or having his memories altered so it seems worse to him or even him being groomed or lied too but nowadays I am not into it. I mean I believe in Horikoshi and that he will handle him well 🛐

I talk a lot so I will summarize

If we judge him as a real human

14 yo Touya - DID NOTHING WRONG IN HIS LIFE PROTECT HIM

24 yo Dabi - go fuck yourself bitch you older than me and act like a child and kill people, I couldn't care less about your trauma rich boy

If you want me to talk as his psychologist

Yeah, it is painful and sad, I understand him so much and surely, his trauma is valid as is his hatred but probably revenge won't bring him what he wants. And what he wants is love and attention. But he gotta make choices that will lead to his healing. He needs to *want* to heal. And we will step by step go to the healing because it is possible. He is loved and he is enough. AND YOU ALL MOTHERFUCKERS WILL HEAL I BELIEVE IN YOU BESTIES

Also his therapist (behind his back)

You won't believe it but my client is the most infantile attention whore I've ever met

But if we talk about him as a character... Very delicious soup

If you talk with your friends

Please, if your friends are being abusive to you or someone else don't even LET them say how their trauma made them this way. No. Nothing allows you to be an abuser. Call them out and stop them and make them talk to the therapist. Like, surely, there are extreme situations like severe mental illnesses or extreme neglect where we should be more forgiving but babying adults won't do you any good and won't make them recover

Yeah, I guess this is what I forgot to say. When I say "it wasn't that bad" what I mean is that I would be more forgiving to people who had it worse. It's more of a personal measure where I can tolerate stuff from people who had particular traumas or from those who suffered greatly (it's not my place to be a bitch here). I can forgive 14 years old or a poor person for stealing stuff but not the 25-year-old man who got no need for money and is not a kleptomaniac. I would be more forgiving to Shigaraki than to Dabi because Shigaraki was groomed a whole lot. Same for Toga, who is not even an adult or Twice who is a poor orphan. But that doesn't mean I would forgive them completely. All of them are shitty people. It's just that they had fewer resources and possibilities to not be what they became while Dabi had more but he acts like he is extremely hurt and the biggest victim which is like... There will be people like this in your life, please, don't make friends with them, they WILL abuse you

I talked a lot damn. It's adhd I can't shut up

#asks #bnha #bnha manga spoilers #todoroki touya #bnha dabi #killing people is a legit coping mechanism #I mean I possibly do sound dismissive I am very brute in my talking but I really can't be bothered #all I am saying that I am not dismissing neglect what I am dismissing is the idea that is is bad enough to justify Dabi's reaction #neglect was bad Dabi's reaction is disproportionate though #you. don't get to kill people because your Dad didn't love you #you do get to kill people if those people killed your family #just so you understand #I got tired of talking

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narrators-journal · 3 years

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I’ll send a post card

Content warning: I forgot to put this in the last part, but this part includes phone sex and blueballing

Previous: here

Beginning: here

As if to punish Ango for that night in the bathroom at work, Taneada strolled over to his desk a few days later to talk to him about some paperwork he wasn't clear enough on, which instantly set off alarms in the brunette's head. Then, he dropped the facade of nonchalant work chatter and finally confirmed the brunette's worst fear. "Listen, I know you're already trying to catch up after your 'break', but I need you to do a certain job for me." It may have been blatant that he wasn't the most thrilled with this news, because his boss pat his shoulder reassuringly, "Not to worry, it's a small job. I just need you to fact check an item that's said to have heavy ties to a certain rat." Taneada's smile was friendly, but Ango could tell he really didn't get a choice. So, instead of arguing, he just agreed and noted down his departure time the next day. After that, he seemed to go into his usual auto-pilot, not really zoning back into reality until he was on the plane, his head resting on a neck pillow with his glasses in one hand and his other massaging the bridge of his nose where his glasses usually sat. It gave him a bit of much needed relief in such a familiarly stressful situation. He hated it, but at least he could nap on the plane, so that was a plus, however, he also couldn't call you on the plane, so there was a downside. In fact, he couldn't call you for most of the day when he finally landed a while later in the bitter chill of Russia. He would've called or messaged you when he got to his hotel room, but he didn't get a moment to. Instead, he was only allowed to put his bags in the room and fish out a thick winter coat and gloves before he was back out in the weather, heading off to the towns government branch building to inform his contact that he'd arrived and to fill out the appropriate paperwork to permit him use of his power. He was thankful that at least the building had heat, so he wasn't stuck becoming a popsicle while the polar-bears-for-natives snickered, but he never enjoyed the paperwork for temporary power usage. Of course, Ango never complained. Russia simply had a much stricter grip on the citizen's powers, they had to fill out forms informing the government of their abilities, how they worked, and so on, and weren't allowed to use their abilities without the paperwork Ango was now sat at a desk filling out, so for work, school, medical reasons, whatever situation called for a power. It was kind of like America's gun laws, but much stricter, something the government official appreciated as much as resented for it's thorough nature and how useful it could be when it came to keeping track of people. Of course, the brunette wasn't exempt from this rule, since he would be required to use Discourse on Decadence for his work he spent a good chunk of the remaining day filling out the appropriate paperwork for a temporary permit. Once he was done with that though, he was sent back to his hotel. The sun had already gone down by the time he was back in his room, but he decided to risk the fucked up time zones to talk to you. He missed your humor, voice, and playful demeanor. What could he say? He'd grown fond of having someone to call and at least inform that he was okay. "Hello?" You chirped through the line, your voice making the man smile a bit, "Uh, hi, I was just wanting to call and tell you that I'm off on a job, so I'll be gone a few days, but I'm fine." He assured, working on making a cup of coffee while he held his phone with his shoulder and talked to you. "Oh! That's where you went," you hummed, "Well, where are you in the world?" "I can't tell you, it's kind of classified, but just know that I am alive and well, and I will eventually be home." He could hear your hum turn into a grumpy huff, making him smile a bit, "I'd tell you my location if I could," He promised, and that seemed to sate your curiosity for a bit. After that, Ango just sat on his hotel bed, sipping his coffee, fishing his laptop out of his bag to work as he spoke with you until you went to bed for the night. After that, Ango sent his first daily progress report back to headquarters and tried to go through some of the relaxing and destressing techniques his therapist had taught him. He also looked into hobbies for himself, something simple and portable to deal with his anxiety towards not being productive 24/7, then, he too went to bed for the night. The next few days were full of work for Ango, made only slightly better by the rituals his therapist had encouraged him to do, but the true bright side of his day was the few times he could text or call you, even if he fell asleep during your conversations. Nevertheless, he found he enjoyed having someone to talk to, someone to fall asleep on the phone with. He had never actually had that. "Are you going to fall asleep on the call again?" You asked with a snort while Ango walked into his hotel room after another long day of pushing his power to the limits and taking in all of the information he could from the artifact Taneada suspected was tied to the agency's biggest threat at the moment. "Well, would you prefer I have a healthy sleep schedule, or return to my old habits of staying up for three days straight and then eventually crashing?" He asked, taking his glasses off for the night and stretching out on the hotel bed, "Damn, when did you stay up for three days straight?" "It was actually a pretty common occurrence not too long ago. I've told you how I'm a workaholic, right?" He heard your little noise of agreement, "well, before my break, I would take that to the extreme. I would regularly stay up for two or more days straight to work, scrambling to meet impossible deadlines and just file reports or whatnot." he sighed as he explained it, remembering all of the times Taneada would stack more paperwork on him just as he finished the last pile, pushing him to stay up and finish it so that none of it was filed late. It was a miracle he never screwed up on the filing. "That doesn't sound healthy, I'd prefer you not do that again." you said, pulling him back to reality, "I just want to talk to you and not have you pass out just before I initiate something." He could hear the pout in your voice, and he already knew what you had been wanting to initiate. "Well, go ahead and initiate your idea now, that way I can't fall asleep before you get the chance." He offered, and he could almost hear your smirk. For a moment, you chatted nonchalantly, flirting and slowly escalated the conversation while he slowly turned redder, but flirted back. It was pretty relaxing to just flirt and lay on the hotel bed with nothing but the closet light illuminating the small room for a while, it also didn't hurt that your dirty talk was easily stirring up filthy images and scenarios in his head. The image of you grinding against his groin like you promised to, having you kissing his neck, the fantasy alone brought his blood directly to his member, but your coy hum while you described everything you wanted to do when he got back just threw gasoline on the fire. Almost mindlessly, his hand slid to the growing tent in his pants, palming himself while you described just how badly you wanted him. In return, he slipped in his own ideas on what would happen when he returned from his trip. He was a bit clunky at first, from a mixture of building pleasure and just plain inexperience, but he got the hang of it pretty quickly and tried not to linger on his mistakes, it'd ruin the high he was trying so hard to maintain. Thankfully, you seemed a little too preoccupied to heckle him about his awkward attempts, too busy assumedly playing with yourself like he was, which he could tell from the way you moaned or got breathy when you spoke. It was a sign he was sure you could hear in his own voice whenever he talked about what he'd do in response to your ideas, but he didn't care. So long as he had the mental image of your (s/c) body against his, with the thought of your moans being heard in person and not through a phone, he couldn't seem to focus on much of anything else, let alone how shameful he may have sounded. "Are you close?~" You breathed, just as Ango was beginning to slip his hand down his pants to properly stroke his aching member, getting a hum of agreement in response. He expected you to say something dirty, maybe ask if he was thinking of cumming inside of you, but instead of any further dirty talk, he heard you let out a little breath and say "Great, I'm gonna go to bed now~" before hanging up abruptly. For a moment, he just laid there, listening to the silence before his hormone-addled brain caught up to what happened. "Oh, you are so fucking dead." He growled, yanking his hand from his pants and going to get some toilet paper to wipe it clean before messaging you. Ango: Excuse me?? (y/n): Lol, you're excused🙂 Ango: Why'd you hang up? (y/n): To blueball you, of course, lolol. That way you're good and riled up when you get home~ Ango: I am not neglecting myself that long. (y/n): Well than, you've got some photos, but until you get back, you don't get to hear me orgasm❤️ For a while longer, he tried to convince you to get back on a call with him, but you were annoyingly stubborn. He was going to need to wait if he wanted any further assistance from you.

#Ango Sakaguchi #bsd #bungo stray dogs #Ango x reader #Long distance #x reader #not sfw #fanfiction #quotev

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kpop-zone · 4 years

Text

Red Velvet reaction to their s/o being stressed out because of university

A/N: I’m back!

Irene

Please come over.

Joohyun didn’t know how often she had sent you this message in the past weeks, but she didn’t care if she seemed needy. Your finals had just started, and you had already begun to stress out about them two weeks ago. She didn’t mind that you were ambitious; after all it had been one of the reasons why she fell for you. Nevertheless, Joohyun was worried about you. You always tended to overwork yourself. Therefore, she wanted to have you around. This way, she could make sure that you ate, drank and rested enough.

I’ll be there in 5

You answered and Joohyun smiled to herself while already walking to the kitchen to heat up some food for you.

It didn’t take long till she heard knocks on the door, so Joohyun walked to the entrance to let you in. But she didn’t like what she found standing in front of the dorm. You looked tired and completely jaded, making her frown.

“Have you eaten already?”

She asked while taking your hand and pulling you inside.

“Um I’ve had some cereal.”

Normally Joohyun would have scolded you for thinking that cereal was a proper meal, but today she had compassion with you.

“I’ll take that as a no... But don’t worry, I’ve prepared something for you.”

She piped up, but you groaned in response.

“Joohyun... I appreciate the effort, but I need to start studying.”

You whined, but Joohyun didn’t even listen anymore. If you couldn’t take care of yourself, she would do it for you. No compromises. Good grades were important and if you wanted to, she would help you studying later on. But your health was more important than anything else.

“There’s no use in fighting. You have to take a break. You’ll see that you’ll study much better later.”

She answered and pushed you down on a chair in front of the dining table. With a grumpy face, you accepted your fate and waited till Joohyun had put all the different plates in front of you. It didn’t take you long to dig into the food greedily, making her shake her head. You could be so stubborn. But at least you were looking more and more alive with every bite; much to Joohyun’s liking.

“Better?”

She asked after you had finished your third bowl of rice and you grinned sheepishly in response, causing her to chuckle.

In the end, the two of you even ended up chatting for a while before you dedicated yourself to your studies. While you were completely engrossed in your laptop, Joohyun cleaned up the kitchen, took care of her own affairs and kept feeding you little snacks until it was 1 am. With a glance on her watch, she figured that you had martyred your brain enough for the day and swiftly walked over to you to wordlessly close your laptop.

“Joohyun!”

You gasped, but once again, she chose to ignore your protests.

“Come to bed?”

She asked sweetly while holding her hand out.

Contemplatively your gaze alternated between her hand and your laptop until you huffed in defeat and chose to comply to your girlfriend’s wishes. Joohyun grinned smugly and pulled you to the bedroom.

Maybe you couldn’t see it yet, but in hindsight you would be grateful.

Seulgi

Seulgi fidgeted with her phone in her hand while sitting on her bed and contemplating whether she should call you or not. Your finals were around the corner and you were stressed out beyond belief. You spent all your days in your room to study and Seulgi was starting to miss you. Nevertheless, she also wanted to be a supportive girlfriend. She didn’t want to distract you and be the cause of bad grades. But on the other hand, you could probably also use someone to take care of you and calm you down. Seulgi sighed in desperation. What was she supposed to do?

“Just go. I’m sure Y/N will be happy to see you.”

Seungwan, who was just passing by her room and had apparently noticed Seulgi’s desperation, said over her shoulder.

“But what if I’m just annoying?”

Seulgi whined, but Seungwan stuck her head in her room and looked at her critically.

“Don’t overthink it so much. Just imagine poor Y/N being alone in the apartment, without food, totally stressed out and without any form of comfort.”

Her friend’s argument instantly made Seulgi leap to her feet. She was totally right. What if you were spiraling and needed someone to ground you? In lightning speed, Seulgi raided the dorm’s fridge and cupboards and rushed to your apartment with her arms full of snacks.

When you opened the door, your hair was disheveled and dark rings were decorating your eyes. But as soon as you saw her, a smile made its way to your lips and you seemed to be happy to see her.

“Babe! I’ve missed you!”

You exclaimed before wrapping your arms around her neck.

Seulgi sighed in relief, because apparently you weren’t annoyed that she showed up unannounced. With her worries being proven totally unnecessary, she made it her mission to support you as best as possible from now on. After taking a quick glance on your notes though and realizing that your classes were much too difficult for her, she figured that her support had to be unrelated to your studies. Therefore, she made an effort to keep you well fed with snacks instead while you were engrossed in your laptop and notes. Every now and then, however, she also pulled you away and demanded her cuddle sessions that you patiently granted her with a giggle.

“I’m really glad that you came over.”

Seulgi felt her heart flutter and tightened her embrace around you.

“That’s a relief. I was worried that I might only distract you.

She admitted but you shook your head instantly.

“You didn’t. I was stuck in a tunnel and unable to think clearly anymore. But you managed to give me new energy.”

You admitted, making Seulgi grin proudly.

She would make sure that you would never run out of energy from now on.

Wendy

You groaned in annoyance. This was the tenth times you went through your flashcards, but you still couldn’t remember half of the stuff you had written on there.

“Do you need some help?”

Seungwan giggled from beside you as she averted her gaze from her laptop and looked at you.

“I think it’s hopeless. I’m going to fail this final.”

You whined while letting your head fall to the table with a thud, causing your girlfriend to laugh at you.

“Don’t say that baby! Nothing is impossible.”

She stated energetically, but you kept making defeated noises.

“You know what? I’m done with work for the day. I’m going to help you!”

You lifted your head to see that Seungwan’s eyes were sparkling as if a fire was burning inside of them.

“Don’t even bother. I’m just not smart enough for university.”

The past days of studying in vain had drained you and now you just wanted the final to be over, no matter the results. But apparently you were the only one in the room with this point of view.

“Y/N L/N!”

Your girlfriend using your full name with her loud voice, made you straighten up in your chair and look at her with wide eyes.

“I’ve said, I’m going to help you to study and that’s what we’re going to do. We never give up. Have I made myself clear?”

She said with a sharp tone and you nodded hastily.

“Great! Let’s get started then.”

From one second to the other, your girlfriend’s voice softened again, and a smile was playing on her lips. Nevertheless, you didn’t want to test what would happen if you doubted your abilities again. Therefore, you opened your lecture notes and looked at Seungwan expectantly.

Like she had been a teacher all her life, she helped you go through the material of the class. Mostly she gave you tips on how to memorize stuff quicker but sometimes she was even able to explain some things to you. Therefore, you felt prepared for your exam and completely in awe of your girlfriend after a few hours of intense studying. You had always known that she was extremely smart, but after today, you considered whether she was actually highly gifted.

“Do you feel better now?”

Seungwan asked after you had left your books behind and were now cuddled up on the couch.

“Yes, a lot. Thank you for helping me, jagi. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

You planted a quick kiss on her cheek, causing your girlfriend to blush.

“Of course, you could have done it. You’re so incredibly smart, babe. You don’t need to worry all the time. You’ve got this.”

She responded and you felt your heart fluttering in your chest.

Seungwan was the smartest person you knew, so who were you to disagree?

Joy

Sooyoung plopped down on the couch and grabbed her laptop. Once she had turned it on though, she didn’t know what to do. All she wanted to do was to spend some time with you. But you had an assignment to finish that you had been stressing out about for the last week. She had tried her hardest to make your week as enjoyable as possible; cooking for you, giving you massages and buying you little presents. This assignment seemed to be really important to you, so Sooyoung didn’t want to be in the way between you and a good grade. Nevertheless, she hated when you didn’t give her attention.

Just one more week.

Sooyoung thought to herself and tried to focus on the screen. But she couldn't find anything that was a good substitute for you.

“Will you stop whining if I take a break?”

You suddenly asked from across the room, making Sooyoung jump in surprise. For the past two hours you had been completely engrossed in the assignment and hadn’t spoken a word.

“I’m not whining!”

Sooyoung exclaimed offended, but you raised your eyebrows in disagreement.

“Did I?”

She asked sheepishly, causing you to giggle.

“Yes, you’re sighing and groaning for an hour now.”

A faint blush rose to Sooyoung’s cheeks and she looked to the floor in embarrassment. She hadn’t even noticed that she had been making noises all the time.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to distract you. I’m just a little bored, that’s all.”

She apologized, because she really didn’t want to be the one to keep you from studying, but you were already making your way over to her.

“My poor girlfriend who’s always so neglected.”

You said dramatically to tease her when you stood in front of her, before planting kisses all over her face. Sooyoung laughed loudly and pulled you on the couch to wrap her arms around you.

“Ok how about we go out and grab a bite; just an hour, nothing too fancy. And later I’ll help you with your assignment to make up for the lost time?”

Sooyoung proposed because she was really craving some time with you right now but didn’t want to be a bad influence either.

“That sounds like a great plan.”

You smiled and Sooyoung squealed in joy.

Sticking to her promise, she only changed into some casual clothes and took you to a small restaurant down the street. Although you protested, Sooyoung ordered all of your favorite plates and paid for all of it in the end. Of course, the dinner mainly happened because of selfish reasons, but she still wanted you to be completely relaxed and get a clear head again. Therefore, she banned any conversation about your assignment and just tried to create a pleasant evening for the two of you.

As soon as you returned to the apartment though, Sooyoung also stuck to her second promise. She let you go back to work and helped you as best as possible. Now, however, she didn’t mind anymore. She was able to spend some quality time with you. That was all that mattered.

Yeri

Yeri looked at you worriedly. You had been assigned to write a paper with a group, but your partners weren’t reliable, so you had to do all of the work on your own. But a lot of things hadn’t gone as planned and now the deadline was rushing closer at a rapid pace and you weren’t even halfway done with the paper. You had lost sleep because of it and Yeri hated to see you like this. You rushed from your classes to work and as soon as you came home, you started writing. She felt helpless. She wished, she could help you, but she didn’t go to college herself and had no idea what the paper was even about.

Like every day in the past weeks, you were sitting on her bed while typing away on your laptop and Yeri watched you with her heart feeling heavy. You stretched your neck and twisted your face in pain. There needed to be something, she could do.

“Babe...”

She said softly while rising from her seat and walking over to you. Your tired eyes snapped up from the screen and followed her.

“Don’t you think it’s time for a break?”

You instantly shook your head.

“No, I’m still running behind in my schedule.”

“How about you make a new schedule? I still have to prepare some stuff for Yeri Bang. We could work together and every two hours or so we take a break and do something to treat ourselves?”

Yeri proposed and sat down in front of you. You looked at her skeptically, but when she put one of your hands up and kissed your knuckles softly while giving you puppy dog eyes, you sighed in defeat.

“Fine, I guess overworking myself won’t be of any use either.”

You gave in, causing Yeri to tackle you into a hug.

“You’ll be done in no time.”

She smiled before climbing off you and giving you space to work again.

For an hour, you kept working on your paper while Yeri went through the script of the next episode of her reality show. Then, however, the timer that she had set, went off and she leaped to her feet.

“Time’s up! I think, it’s time for ice cream now!”

Yeri grinned and your face actually lit up, causing her to be even happier.

Uncomplainingly you followed her into the kitchen, where she started to fetch all the ingredients.

“Welcome to Yeri’s kitchen! The actual happiest place on earth where all your dreams come true!”

She exclaimed exaggeratedly cheerful, causing you to laugh.

You watched her as she prepared a huge sundae for the two of you with strawberries, whipped cream, cookies and chocolate sauce.

“Easy! Don’t you think that’s enough chocolate?”

Your eyes widened when you saw that Yeri didn’t stop drizzling sauce over the ice cream until it looked like a chocolate fountain.

“You need some serotonin, baby.”

She winked, causing you to shake your head in disbelief.

Together you cuddled up on the couch and devoured the ice cream while forgetting all about the work that both of you needed to do.

“And what will we eat during the next break?”

You asked eventually with a grin and Yeri was quick to answer.

“Pizza!”

She yelled, but you looked at her critically.

“Only if I can choose the toppings. I’m scared of what you will choose.”

You motioned to the sundae and Yeri smirked mischievously.

She wouldn’t leave anything untried to lift your mood.

#red velvet reactions #red velvet #irene #seulgi #wendy #joy #yeri #girl group reactions #girl group #girl group imagines #kpop reactions #kpop

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readingsbylibramc · 4 years

Text

birth chart reading for @shadowsaman

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are mars, the sun and jupiter. you're a very lively person, with big will power and ambition. you can be a bit impulsive and you may sometimes overreact, and that could make you look intimidating at first, but deep down you have a very warm and generous heart.

your dominant sign is aries. you may have a reputation for being impulsive and straight-forward. you don't like beating around the bush, especially when people purposely get on your nerves. on the other hand, you're very loyal and generous when it comes to your loved ones. you're very opinionated, and you always wanna make sure that your voice is heard. you're proud of yourself.

your dominant element is fire. you have a warm heart, even though it may be covered by your confidence and indipendence. in fact, you always strive for the first place. people may be intimidated by your presence, as you're a serious competitor. thanks to this competitive nature of yours you may be very positive and optimistic, making you a good and supportive friend/partner.

🌎 ascendant in leo, 1° / 1st decan ruled by the sun

you’re an extremely confident and bright person, or at least you have a very strong aura around you that makes you look like you are. you have exceptional charisma and presence, in fact this is usually a celebrity placement! you surely don’t go overlooked. you naturally always try your best to make people feel at ease, and you mostly succeed thanks to your warmth, which makes you even more attractive. you probably like being recognized, and you may want to be famous. in fact, you like being in the spotlight and loaded with compliments and appreciation, they incredibly boost your self-confidence. your charisma may sometimes be too noticeable, resulting a bit dramatic; you may gesticulate a lot, imitate voices… basically, you would do amazing at acting, for example. in fact, most actors have a leo rising, or leo placements of any sort. you’re very playful, you most likely look younger than you are for your personality. you may also be a savage, and you’re most likely good at jokes of any kind. you appear as a very bubbly and outgoing person, yet you may be quite secretive. you don’t open up easily, especially about family / private matters. especially with your scorpio influence, you’re very picky when it comes to trusting people. in addition, you’re a perfectionist; you care a lot about everything that revolves around you, from physical appearance to your job, you want it all to be perfect. that can cause you a lot of stress, as you always want to seem at your best state, you despise being seen as weak or unprepared. physically, all leos have beautiful hair. you may have curly, perhaps red or dark hair, or at least it’s very thick. you may have full, plump lips, or at least they have a defined cupid’s bow. you may also have big, round eyes, and all of your facial features are quite soft. you probably don’t have a defined bone structure.

leo ascendant square aries mercury: you appear as a very intelligent individual, and people may even feel intimidated by that. you love interacting with others; even if you're not much talkative, you like hearing about others' theories and opinions. you could also do that by reading blogs, books etc. you may sometimes find yourself in conflict with others, as you’re very opinionated and hate it when others’ opinions are baseless. pretty much, you could seem like a know-it-all. on the other hand, you have a nice sense of humor, you're able to light up the room with your words, even though this quality of yours may be overshadowed by introversion at first. since your mercury is conjunct your saturn, I assume that you'll only start seeing this quality of yours when you get more mature, after your 25s. it's hard to find a way to make you come off as more gentle, as you have some of the most fiery and blunt signs in your chart. the fact that your mercury is in aries doesn't help either. you could take advantage of your astute words and sense of humor to get you out of troubles, though! just be careful not to claim that everything hurtful you say is a joke. it's something that aries placements do a lot.

leo ascendant square aries saturn: you may be shy and have self-esteem issues, especially during your early years. because of that, you may often appear as insecure to others, or even unreliable. you have a strong desire to be with someone and commit to them, you despise supertificial bonds, but at the same time you may find yourself being too shy to approach others, especially during your early years. luckily, I feel like the effect of this aspect is mitigated by your ascendant in leo, which makes you more confident. you may not be the most confident person on earth, but you're not the most insecure either. this may apply more to the younger you, actually. you don't feel much comfortable around other people, and others can sense that; your insecurity is exposed to the world, and some may take advantage of that to hurt your feelings. you're afraid of being judged, whether it's for your appearance, or maybe because of your ideals or interests. hence, you end up becoming reserved. this is something that will be solved through growth and time; the older you get, the easier you'll be on yourself. also, thanks to this aspect, you're a responsible person with defined values. to cope with this placement, I'd suggest you to do what makes you feel the best. there are different ways to boost your self-esteem, so maybe you can work on that and then start expressing yourself freely; if you do it without the fear of being judged, you will shine even more.

🌞 sun in taurus, 20° / 3rd decan ruled by venus and saturn

you’re more sharp-witted and pragmatic than the typical taurus. you value stability in both romance and in your day-to-day life, like at work. you take care of your body and style in any sort of way, as your ascendant being in leo confirms. after all, the 3rd decan of taurus is a great balance of beauty and brain. I imagine that you're not extremely extroverted, you may prefer staying in, but I repeat that you still probably have nice social skills. or at least, they're your secret skills. you like keeping your mind active everyday, especially by following your passions. if you’re the logical type, you might enjoy playing sudoku or things like that. on the other hand, if you’re more philosophical you might enjoy reading, writing etc. you have a great sense of duty, that makes you want to excel in whatever you do. in addition to this, you’re also very stubborn. you probably get in arguments with others because you don’t accept their advices/criticism and prefer going your own way. you may also tend to overindulge a bit, and become a bit lazy. you're also very attached to food, but you still keep a healthy diet. you enjoy the finer things in life, but might struggle with jealousy because of that. you have the tendency to look at other people’s achievements and get disappointed about yours.

taurus sun opposite scorpio moon: this placement creates conflicts inside of you, as you struggle to understand what you want and what you need. you most likely want to be very independent, precise and efficient for yourself only. you probably don't like sharing your things and achievements with others, as you strive to be the #1 at everything you do. you're very hard-working and stubborn, and you may also want to be some sort of leader, someone people look up to. yet, while your taurus sun is more practical, your scorpio moon is way more intuitive. even though you may be interested in spiritual or occult matters, such as astrology, religion, tarots, etc., you may sometimes also be skeptical about them, as there's this rational taurus energy to you that makes it hard for you to believe things that aren't concrete. while this is a good placement that allows you to be fair, it also makes you a bit indecisive. you also lack consistency; for example, a week you may religiously follow a diet, and then you just quit it the following week. you could as well feel as if your parents don't understand what you want in life, they may disagree with your ideas for example, and that is obviously frustrating to deal with. you may lack introspection, you always seek for the answer outside of yourself rather than inside. even booking this reading is a proof of this, so I'd suggest you to start understanding your feelings by yourself now that you're aware of this placement. since your moon is in scorpio, this will naturally come to you; you can close your eyes, and then try to picture what you need in life, and ask yourself why. since you also seem quite practical due to your taurus energy, you can also write down your feelings in a journey, I'm sure it would be helpful.

taurus sun conjunct taurus mars: with this placement, you may be even more straight-forward than the typical taurus. you are very impulsive and honest above all, you say things as they are. you don't get hurt easily, you're able to be very brave when you want to, and even if you do get emotionally hurt, you know how to stand up for yourself again. you strive to achieve your goals and make your dreams come true, you're an hard-worker. some may call you impatient, and you may actually be, but in reality you just can't wait for things to happen. for example, let's suppose you're going to the mall to buy the playstation you always wanted. you'd start only thinking and talking about that playstation until you actually get it in your hands. you get easily excited. also, this is another placement that indicates that is hard not to notice you. you have a very strong charisma that makes others stare. you strive to be the number #1 at whatever you do, you're a serious competitor and you'd do anything to win and achieve your goals.

🌙 moon in scorpio, 20° / 3rd decan ruled by pluto and the moon

with your moon in scorpio, you’re way more secretive and cautious than most leo rising people. you tend to preserve yourself, even though it’s hard for you to repress your emotions, as they’re too to intense to bottle them up. you absorb people’s feelings like a sponge, there’s no way that you won’t instantly understand their real emotions. overall, you tend to overreact a lot; you have taurus' sensitive energy on one side and scorpio’s mysterious, almost scary vibe on the other. dealing with these emotional burnouts may be stressing to you, as you totally get caught up in them. even if it looks like you get to know other people often, you actually don’t let others know you. you’re the type of person to talk and socialize, especially after your saturn return, but you never reveal your deepest fears and thoughts to strangers. you only open up to people you’re sure you can trust. when you’re angry, you can literally go as far as using violence; you need to let out your emotions by screaming, swearing… anything that can make you feel better. I’ve noticed that scorpio moons, when they don’t get rid of all their negative vibes when angry, they tend to get physically sick; you could get stomachaches, or maybe even headaches. there’s a secret, sensitive side in you that needs passionate and romantic partners in love. yet, you can’t help but feel more attracted to the ones that may hurt you badly. you’re possibly quite sensitive to higher entities too, like ghosts, spirits and stuff like that.

scorpio moon opposite taurus mars: your feelings are very intense. you may tend to react aggressively, or at least overreact. you feel the constant need to express your emotions, but you also want to be understood by others. you tend to be aggressive because you're actually afraid that others may be the first ones to hurt you. you don't really do it with malice, it's your way to defend yourself from eventual enemies. this placement also indicates that your childhood / family life was or will be quite turbulent, especially since your saturn is located in the 4th house, which is about family and home. to cope with this placement, I'd suggest you to be a little bit more mechanic when you express your feelings. you don't have to hide them, just try not to vent all your anger around. you don't seem strong, you're just exposing your weaknesses in this way.

🗣 mercury in aries, 25° / 3rd decan ruled by mars and venus

you are a fast-thinker, even though that doesn't mean you always take the right choices. in fact, you can change your mind very often. you probably have a beautiful, melodic voice, even though it's likely very loud. you also speak as fast as you think, making it hard sometimes to keep up with you in a speech. you could also switch from a topic to another casually. you don't really enjoy thinking about the past nor the future, you only care about the present and you live it they way you feel; hence, you're not really the type to care about learning from your mistakes. you always see the positive side of them, which can be both good and bad actually. that's because you're quite stubborn, it's hard to make you change your mind. you're very straight-forward, and that could lead you to conflicts as you don't understand the impact your words have on others.

aries mercury conjunct capricorn mercury: this placement gives you limitations and lessons regarding the way you think and talk. it may be that you’re too shy to approach others and to say what you think, so you just don’t try. otherwise, if you actually take action and try to overcome this problem, you could get into troubles. that’s probably caused by the fact that you don’t really pay attention to your words. you’re quite straight-forward, and due to your leo energy you always seem as if you’re up for a fight. you may be particularly pessimistic, or maybe you lack confidence in social interactions due to these problems, which could be possibly caused by your parents, or perhaps interfer in your relationship with your family. in fact, you may argue quite often, and misunderstandings are also common. overall, you have a rather serious way of speaking, you could be very sarcastic or you don't tell jokes often. actually, you could even come off as intimidating. this is something that gets naturally better with time, but in order for it to happen you need to take action. you may for example start speaking more in school, perhaps you could apply for class president. anything that allows you to challenge your mind and voice, in order to make you gain experiences and become a master at it. many celebrities, once they mastered this hard aspect, got loads of success. you can do that too, you just need to work on it.

❤️ venus in aries, 8° / 1st decan ruled by mars

with venus in aries, loving you is an adventure. you enjoy fun, exciting relationships. you're the type who's looking for a risktaker, even dangerous partner. you hate boredom, and this may be your weakness regarding this placement; that is, once the relationship starts getting more serious, you feel as if it's going down, when it's actually the opposite. hence, you just run towards a new adventure. this placement may even give you the reputation of being a player, but I don't think it's your case based on your others placements. you have to understand that relationships can get boring, but that's not necessarily a red flag. it just means you two are starting to feel comfortable together. you also enjoy physical contact, therefore cold partners are a no no for you. you need someone who's affectionate yet bold, and that would spoil you with attention and gifts. you enjoy the little things about love, such as remembering your anniversary or even giving you small presents, especially if they're homemade (like breakfast, poems etc.). you also try to avoid flaky people, as you don't like making relationships seem too light.

☄️ mars in taurus, 21° / 3rd decan ruled by venus and saturn

with taurus mars, you may actually despise working too much. you love challenging your mind, but you're kind of lazy. you'd rather stimulate yourself through your hobbies and interests rather than using school / work, which are quite stressful for you. you need to find something material and concrete to motivate you and make you assertive. you could study just because you need a good grade, or maybe work just to get paid. you don't really do it with interest, as you care more about nurturing your passions than responsibilities. you're not really into conflicts; you'd rather be peaceful with everyone, as you find it a waste of time to argue with someone. most taurus mars tend to be quite passive, yet I don't think it's your case. I imagine that with your heavy aries energy, and also mars being conjunct your sun, you've got a hot temper. you may try to avoid conflicts, but once someone gets on your nerves it's over for them. you're very unpredictable from this point of view, it's hard to decipher you. you may be more verbally assertive than physically, though.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in leo. with this placement, you care a lot about your persona, both physically and also mentally too. yet, you may start feeling like you need to be perfect at all costs to be accepted, especially during your early years. for example, you may be the type to follow fashion trends to look cool, and you may subconsciously force yourself to like them. you need to understand that you should enhance your individuality, and ask yourself who you are. it’s not all about who you are outside, the inside matters even more. you’re free to stand out, but make sure that you do it in a comfortable way for you, or it will start becoming toxic as time goes by. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 10th house: you have big goals for your future, you may even want to be famous. they’re basically the centre of your life, it revolves around your reputation, work and achievements. you’re naturally charismatic, you may be popular or at least it’s easy for you to get known in your community. you may also be very attached to your father or someone older in general in your life, you could have a very long-lasting bond with them.

your 2nd house is in leo. your self-esteem depends on matters like money, possessions, as well as your influence on others. you may feel confident when you’re praised and spoiled with compliments and material things, you may enjoy being in the spotlight as it increases your self-confidence, even though you’re quite shy so you don’t feel very at ease. you feel confident when you’re able to earn money and you’re financially stable, and hence you probably felt guilty as a child to ask your parents for money for example. you probably love luxury, you aspire to become very wealthy, live in the house of your dreams, etc. you could also dream of becoming famous. and actually, with this placement, you could make money from leo-related matters, and hence being in the spotlight, creativity (especially theatre / drama), comedy, etc. also, with the ruler of the 2nd house being in the 10th house, you may get to earn quite a lot of money by working, it's the most efficient way for you to gain money. this placement can also indicate that you may be independent at work, you could create your own business for example.

your 3rd house is in virgo. you’re very precise and polite in the way you express your thoughts. you’re probably very careful to grammar, vocabulary etc… you love looking and being knowledgeable. you’re more a logical type rather than an intuitive person, you hardly ever do something only out of curiosity. you’re very cautious about the decisions you make, and hence it could take you some time to finally choose something, but that’s because you just don’t want to regret anything. you think deeply about your choices, and most of the time they turn out to be right. you’re strongly opinionated, but you may be a bit too harsh when you express your ideas. sometimes you could even hurt someone, as you’re extremely honest. you don’t like sugar-coating your words. you’re also very intelligent and hard-working, and you can’t stand messy things. you’re probably very neat, you like having schedules and you may even keep an agenda / diary where you keep track of your appointments and other things you have to do. the ruler of the 3rd house is in the 10th house: this is a placement that indicates that you’ll have to communicate with others in your future career. or maybe, you might write stuff, hence you could be a writer, a journalist, etc. possibly, you would do well as a therapist too. also, you could often have to do short trips to reach your college / work place, perhaps in a bus for example.

your 4th house is in libra, with also the moon placed there. your home environment was probably very pleasant and beautiful, both physically and emotionally. you may have a conventionally beautiful family, or at least they’re particularly attractive and charming. your house may also be very well-designed and elegant, doesn’t matter how big it is. you probably see your parents as ideal, they are your role models and you look up to them, even though they could have been a bit strict from time to time. it could be that you didn’t argue often, probably because you weren’t much rebel as a teen, or even if you discussed there was hardly ever shouting or even violence. you could have possibly also been quite spoiled as a kid. the ruler of the 4th house is placed in the 9th house: it could be that your family is bilingual / foreign, or perhaps they have a different religion / culture. you could also live abroad, possibly with them. or at least, your childhood was filled with experiences, you might have travelled a lot. you could also lived abroad when you were younger, or perhaps you were born in a different place from your parents. it could also be that you were mostly surrounded by older people than you rather than people of your age / younger.

your 5th house is in scorpio. your hobbies most likely include self-expression of any kind, anything that you consider private is told through your creativity. also, with scorpio in this house, you may as well be attracted to darker hobbies like astrology, tarots… possibly, you may be into thriller or even into horror. you may also like psychology, criminology… this type of things that are able to stimulate your mind in some way. you could possibly want to be a risk-taker, deep down. also, you want to become a master in what you like, and hence you tend to go extreme to become perfect. you may dedicate a lot of your spare time to your hobbies, for example, even if you have to work. your romantic relationships may be very intense, you could attract particularly jealous or even obsessive partners in your life. some of them may be painful, but they’ll be essential to become mature and grow up into a better, wiser person. in addition, I see you as the type of person who doesn’t like showing off their partner. you probably keep both your love interests and hobbies personal, you only talk a little about them to your close, trusted friends.

your 6th house is in capricorn. usually, people with a capricorn 6th house are very responsible and work-oriented. they generally don’t leave much space to fun and amusement, you have a strong sense of duty and you may end up overworking yourself, especially with your stellium in the 10th house. on the other hand, this placement could make you an amazing leader, especially in your work environment. you can easily work alone, you can handle it. when it comes to health, you may suffer from problems to your bones, and hence you could wear braces, you may have diseases to your back, etc. the ruler of the 6th house is in the 10th house: you could pursue a career that involves healing, possibly medicine. you could be a therapist of any kind, a doctor, a nurse… even a vet. also, this placement indicates that you’ll communicate something through your career. it doesn’t necessarily have to be with words, you may also communicate in a graphic way, hence you could be an actress, an artist, a photographer etc.

your 7th house is in aquarius. you do like the idea of marriage and love, yet you need your space as well. you don’t want to feel committed in a relationship, it would be suffocating for you. that could make you appear as emotionally cold or detached, when you’re really not. you just care a lot about your personal growth. you also have uranus and neptune placed in this house. perhaps, you could even attract mentally unstable partners, they could be a bit moody for example. you probably dream of a love like those you hear about in fairytales; you're not only looking for a partner, you literally want a prince, who's willing to give their all to you. you find yourself daydreaming often about love, and it may also be your source of inspiration for creativity and art in general. probably, you may idealize people too much; that is, you may create a version of others that only exists in your head. hence, once you get to know someone better, they turn out to be the exact opposite of what you thought. this causes you to be sort of naive when it comes to relationships, so pay extra attention to this problem now that you're aware of it. last but not least, you may meet your future spouse in an unexpected situation.

your 8th house is in aquarius. you're secretly quite rebellious, or at least you have a few unconventional ideals that you struggle to let out to the world. you are extremely open-minded and you have a strong sense of justice, you're always ready to defend others, especially if they're your friends. yet, while this placement makes you extremely open-minded and supportive of others, there are also some bad sides about it. in fact, you may often find yourself being afraid of being unconventional, you tend to conform to others out of fear. you could give up on your own freedom and comfort since you struggle to achieve your independency, you probably care too much about what others think of you. you have troubles stepping out of your comfort-zone, and paired up with your taurus sun, you can't improvise, you're way too logical and you base your routine and actions too much on a schedule. you could also come across some hardships regarding your friends, you may often attract people that could hurt you deeply. yet, these experiences will allow you to learn something grow up in order to become the best version of you.

your 9th house is in pisces, with also jupiter and venus sitting in this house. this is definitely a nice placement! the result is that you're probably extremely open-minded and imaginative. you hardly ever have have prejudices, you judge people way less than the typical leo rising. you're extremely opinionated, and combined with your virgo 3rd house you're constantly looking for the truth. you hate it when people say something wrong for example, you can't help but correct them. you could also be religious and believe in a god. philosophy, literature and poetry are also a part of your many interests. in addition, you're most likely also into foreign languages and cultures. you could travel a lot, or perhaps with your pisces in the house cusp you like travelling with your mind. you probably literally create stories in your head, you're extremely imaginative. a good advice would be not to waste this talent of yours; you could actually make your fantasies concrete and express them through creative outlets: books, drawings, songs, choreographies... basically, it would be a waste to only keep them for you. also, venus in this house could make you interested in foreign things; you may be into foreign languages, music, movies, fashion... even romantic interests. you could prefer dating foreigners rather that people of your nationality / culture for example, or maybe you just find yourself attracting foreigners to you. actually, you may end up marrying someone from abroad!

your 10th house is in aries, with also a big stellium involving mercury as your most elevated planet, saturn, mars and the sun. with your 10th house cusp in the energetic sign of aries, you need a career that allows you to be independent, you probably prefer working alone than in groups. or perhaps, you actually aspire to become a boss, a ceo, someone people look up to, and if you work hard you may actually become an influential person in your work place / field. in fact, with saturn placed here, at first you may struggle to find the job that is right for you. you may be indecisive about it, or perhaps you could come across some hardships regarding bosses or even payments. yet, this will naturally get better with time, as you grow up and make new experiences. your mars here points out that you'll be able to earn lots of fortune thanks to your career, and hence you'd probably make a perfect leader, or even teacher for example. luckily, your future career will most likely allow you to be the leader you want to be! in fact, this 10th house mars combined with your whole gives you amazing leadership skills. you're very responsible, you don't need others to guide you, and if you work hard you can achieve pretty much anything you want. you probably don't see work as a burden, it's pretty much the opposite. working is literally your energy tank. with also the sun placed here, your career is basically the focus of your life. you aspire to be successful, as you're quite materialistic. you like spoiling yourself and even your loved ones, you're probably fond of shopping of any kind, and you want to be wealthy thanks to yourself only. last but not least, mercury is also placed in this house and it's your most elevated planet. that means that your life, and hence your career too, will revolve around words, thoughts and communicative outlets, it's a natural talent of yours. you could become a singer, a writer, an actress, a translator, a journalist, etc.

your 11th house is in taurus. you could possibly attract people with taurus traits, and hence your friends could be quite stubborn and possessive, but also very loyal and responsible. they could possibly be wealthy, and they could have some artistic, creative interest and / or talent just like you. you may have some trust issues, you’re careful about who you trust, an hence you’re quite cautious about who you befriend. your long-term goals include financial stability, you may be quite materialistic as you enjoy wealth. yet, I assume that thanks to your water placements you’re not as work-focused as other earth placements, you actually also value emotions and feelings too. the ruler of the 11th house is in the 9th house: you may get along better with foreigners, in fact most of your friends may come from abroad, or at least they have a different culture from yours. it could also be that you met your closest, dearest friends in a more mature age or in college / university.

your 12th house is in cancer. you’re an extremely spiritual and intuitive person. you may be attracted to dreams, religion, astrology, spirituality… anything that can wake you up, spiritually speaking. you may also be particularly talented at reading birth charts, tarots, even talking to spirits. you may have prophetic dreams, or you could even have deja-vus. the 12th house is also the house of fears, so having cancer here indicates that you may be afraid of your childhood, emotions, past memories. perhaps, even of your home environment or directly of your parents. it’s a part of your life that you’d rather keep secret. you may also have some escapism tendencies, such as oversleeping, overeating… or perhaps, you could easily develop addictions, so be careful to that, as you’re particularly sensitive to drugs, alcohol etc.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract aquarius, sagittarius, pisces, scorpio and virgo. your future spouse will most likely have scorpio and virgo traits or placements, maybe also some pisces too. they’ll be very similiar to you: secretive and hard-working, but also with a warm, loyal heart and a hidden insecurity to them. you may meet them at work, or in any place where you go to have fun. it may be a party, a bar... literally any place you attend where you can meet other people. possibly, even abroad or in vacation. your children will most likely have strong scorpio, sagittarius or pisces traits: they’ll be very daring and brave, but also very funny and warm. also, they’ll be extremely intelligent and more mature as time goes by. they'll also have a tender side to them, but that is often overshadowed by their playfulness. they could also get easily very possessive and jealous.

👶🏻 family life

your father is a very fiery, impulsive person, with a short-temper. he could have even been quite violent with you during your childhood, or at least he might have a few childish behaviours. deep down, he's actually kind of insecure with his role as a father, but he may hate to admit it. he may have aries, capricorn, libra, taurus, leo, gemini, virgo or scorpio placements in his chart. your mother, on the other hand, is slightly more submissive. she's mostly a peaceful and emotional person, even though she most probably has a passive-aggressive behaviour. she might've been a bit strict or overprotective. nonetheless, you could actually have a good relationship with her as well as with your father, maybe she understands your needs better. she may have libra, cancer or taurus placements in her chart. if you have siblings, they're probably very peaceful, affectionate and intelligent. they may also be very kind, as well as organized. their rooms probably look immaculate. they could have virgo or gemini placements in their charts.

📊 career

honestly, your chart points out that you'd do great at a bunch of things! from working alone or even in groups, you'll be able to be successful in any path you choose. in fact, there are many indicators in your chart that indicate that, if you work hard, you'll be able to achieve a great fortune thanks to your job. for me, the best career for you would be teaching. I can see you being an amazing teacher, as you have the knowledge, open-mindness and calm to lead people and let them understand different matters, without forcing your opinions. you could also work abroad, perhaps with different languages, or maybe with children, and hence you could be a primary school teacher or a foreign languages teacher. otherwise, you could also do well at jobs that involve words and communication. what matters the most is that you're able to achieve a great position, you want people to look up to you. that's the only way for you to feel satisfied and accomplished.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

you probably love clothes that can show and enhance your body. you may love wearing crop tops, skirts, bralettes, shorts... anything that leaves a part of your body uncovered, yet that still looks elegant and classy. you could also enjoy baggy clothes, paired with fancy accessories and heels. for colors, you go from wearing bold colours like red, burgundy and neon, to darker shades like black, dark blue etc. you probably also love neutral shades, like kaki, beige and so on.

👁 past life, life purpose

during your past life, you probably didn’t have as many challenges as in this life. you most likely used to depend on someone else; perhaps, you married someone rich, hence you didn’t really have to work for your resources. this lifetime, you need to step up your game and become independent. your path to luck and abundance may be long and steep, but your venus being conjunct the north node indicates that you may achieve great personal success in this lifetime. you just need to work on your self-esteem and have stable finances, you shouldn’t over-indulge. to boost your security, you could even try using the law of attraction for example.

🤔 major transits analysis / october 31st

this year your focus is mostly on your career, work environment. you may undergo different changes in your routine, probably unexpected situations at work. yet, you’ll get out stronger and with more knowledge with you, which will help you gain more maturity and awareness when it comes to jobs. also, your focus may also be on your health and / or fitness. you may possibly get rid of a disease or anything that made you feel unhealthy, like a bad diet for example, or any unhealthy habit of yours.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, I hope it resonated with you :)

#astrology

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monkey-network · 4 years

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The Fiasco Finale of Future [1/2]

So in the penultimate episode of Steven Universe 2, the climax of both the season and series as a whole... is a group hug. As I expected, plenty were not too pleased with this turnout. Some felt it was anti-climatic, some felt it was resonating, and others tried to own the critics by digging deep into the scene like they always do sucking this show’s co- Coming from nearly a month later, I’m... split. One hand, I didn’t mind the climax. On the other hand, it was pathetic compared to plenty of other finales I’ve seen in media. It’s like this show as a whole, I enjoy it, but I also enjoy smacking it upside the head cuz it made some Karen-esque, All Lives Matter type stupid shit that I just cannot get behind. So you know what, Perry the Platypus, let’s mix it up. I wanna express the good and bad of this climactic end to the show and see where we can go from there. You ready?

What’s Good:

You truly wanna know what makes that final hug a great scene? A real showstopper? I have the truth, the best truth behind this, you won’t believe me but here goes. The climax worked because A Hug Is Nice. That’s it, there’s nothing else to it beyond a hug being nice. “But Monkey, you incel troll, there’s should’ve been more to that. The episode shouldn’t have taken that long to get to that point.” Well, in typical fashion, let me put it this way by talking about Spider-Man 2 (better than Spiderverse, don’t @ me). The whole movie is centered around Peter’s life getting shat on. He’s getting fired left and right, his people are abandoning him, he even loses his powers, he’s just at his utter lowest. But at his apartment, while contemplating, in comes his landlord’s daughter, Ursula, who offers him some chocolate cake and a glass of milk.

We can say the scene comes out of nowhere and that this is all that happens, feeling pointless, but I say this is an important scene because after everything that happens to him before, this one gesture from somebody out of nowhere to be honest was one of the nicest things he’s received in a while. It’s the seedling of a scene that keeps Parker going before Doc Ock comes to make him truly spring back into action. Above everything, it was nice. Like a hug.

I don’t need to be philosophically deep with SU2′s meta to tell you that a hug can be a worthwhile thing to get more than anything. It doesn’t resolve all the baggage Steven has in his mind, but a group hug from the people closest to you (and the Diamonds) can be a gesture so nice, it can numb you out, if only for a moment. Only other times where Steven got a hug was when he felt everything could be okay. With Lars, Peridot, and Connie after her “rejection”, and it’s after that “rejection” where he slowly loses it in his attempts to shake off that harsh feeling of abandonment and that everything can be okay. It is something where he can turn to the others for help but the concern of their response makes him reasonably suffer in silence. That last part is a little dumb, but I’ll get to that later. He can’t really hug himself because it doesn’t work like that. The point being that Steven, at his lowest, just needed something nice to consider. And a hug from everyone who loves him (and the Diamonds) can be that piece of chocolate cake he needed to be at ease, again, if only for a moment.

Like let me tell ya, as a deliriously depressed man that constantly wishes for death, a hug shouldn’t be spat on. Whether it be from your friends or mommy, a good hug can, at the very least, keep you sane and going. It isn’t medication, let’s not get it twisted, but a healthy remedy nonetheless, especially if you’ve ever felt touch-starved like I have before. It’s an affectionate gesture that for what it’s worth, should never be taken for granted. And while Steven could’ve well gotten this big type hug at almost any time he desired, I can at least appreciate the show for saving that at the right time. Whew. But, while the moment itself is nice, it’s predictably almost everything around it that unfortunately puts the moment in a vacuum and me with a bad taste in my mouth.

What’s Bad:

Let’s get this out the way, because I’m such a literal bastard... *inhale*

Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!

Congrats on those with the corrupted!steven theories who no doubt had it hard on when this horned trunk ascended, hung its head high, and beat its meaty chest with blind rage, the crewniverse certainly had the balls to go with this design and a long discussion of utilizing Monster Steven’s full potential. And if you think I’m nasty about this, hoo boy, be glad that words are all you’re seeing right now because artists no doubt had a field day potentially ruining this design for you even more. I’m surprised Tumblr’s flagging system hasn’t taken down whole posts with this. HEHEHEHAAAAAAAA!

As you can probably tell, I’m not a fan of this Diamond Dinodildo’s design (say that 5x times fast). I mean Rebecca could be as horny as she pleased with this show, but this is next level, I tell you. But seriously, it honestly sucked that this is what they came up with when it served no purpose to Steven thematically other than him being a literal peen of a monster. Said this before, but what does becoming a corrupted looking amalgamation mean to him beyond “he’s a monster”? Corrupted gems weren’t the worst things in his world, they were products of a even worse thing. Turning into a diamond like figure would’ve said something about the cycle of abuse making you not feel like yourself, but a reflection of who you not only resent more than anyone, but were the indirect causes of your newfound issues. That would’ve took his struggle in the Diamonds Days arc to its next logical extreme, and brought most of Future’s episodes centered around Steven’s issues to a sensible turning point. Being a warped Diamond version of himself would’ve meant finally embracing inhumanity, and that would’ve conveyed the peak of Steven harshly feeling less like a human over the course of the season, especially when we had several episodes and new powers centering around him being inhuman. And a previous episode had him try to shatter a Pink version of White Diamond, two beings generally responsible for everything that’s happened to him. And it isn’t the design that made this a turn off.

What was Steven even gonna do as a monster? He does nothing to the town, he never even makes it pass the cliffside. He doesn’t even try to attack anybody, the only times he does is when he’s provoked by either the Cluster, the Diamonds, or any of the gems. Spinel raised more hell than Steven. So on the look back it’s insultingly sad they hyped up this big dick energy only to do... genuinely nothing. He already didn’t deserve turning into Pinky the Phallisaurus, but having him not even do anything as a monster left far more to be desired. Mob Psycho 100 did this nearly identical, but better. You can’t deny that it would’ve worked better with 22 minutes, actually give him something to do beyond screech and stomp like he’s Scrat from Ice Age. As much as I don’t like Change Your Mind, 45 minutes worked to its favor to do everything it did. Oh wait, this episode did make good use of time... with a fucking pity party.

They wasted my baby

This is. The WORST scene in the entire series and I’ll stand by that 100%. It’s one thing to show something offensive, but it’s another to have something be completely pointless. Yes, Connie talked some sense into them, but we didn’t need to waste time having White Diamond and the others bitch about something everyone who isn’t a toesucking simp should’ve figured out at that point. Not like it mattered, the Diamonds and Spinel never show up after this episode anyways, so good job making them count for something, I guess. This as well as minorly acknowledge the fact that the gems had a lot to do with Steven’s mental trauma because hey, we don’t have to hold these gems too accountable for child neglect. Speaking of which, where was Jasp- This plays well into my previous point, we aren’t shown what Steven was gonna do as a monster, so what else is the episode to do beyond holding him back in time to just make the characters go “All is lost” for one second before getting back up like this is Marvel’s Captain Driftwood?

Friendship is Magic had this type of moment in its penultimate finale but in that, more time was given to show the villains getting the upper hand, Twilight at her low point, her turnaround with her friends, and the lead in charge to defeat the villains. While some moments felt convenient and downright insulting, they made the most of their limit. The same can’t be said for this and it makes no sense. Speaking of things that make no sense:

Was this shapeshifting or corruption? Rushing or dragging? This personally bothers me because people are saying he shapeshifted even when they were also on board with him corrupting. But what was the point where monster Steven cums cries into the ocean turning it pink?

Now if Steven got himself corrupted, this would make sense since the three Diamonds are there with so fully turning him back to normal wouldn’t be an issue. Questions would arise about how corruption can happen to a human, then again this is Steven Universe, fans never really wanted you to ask questions. But if this was shapeshifting, then why have this permanent monster form? It would’ve made a little more sense of Steven changing his shape depending on his emotions, like what we’ve seen before. Additionally, Steven should have been capable of talking normally instead of roaring and growling like he switched brains with an actual animal. Just because he kinned Godzilla’s joystick doesn’t mean he was unable to speak to anybody, that is if he shapeshifted. Lastly, and this is more implicit than my previous points:

This season shouldn’t have tried tacking mental issues and trauma onto this dickslap of a climax. I’m on the side where we should’ve seen more from monster Steven, but what does this tell me for the topic of mental health? Nearly killing people on three separate occasions didn’t help, but having him transform into a near mindless beast is a backhanded way to convey post traumatic stress. Let me put it this way, if we didn’t get that episode where we learn Steven had held up trauma and stress from Doctor Priyanka, everything surrounding it afterward wouldn’t feel as fucked up as it did. Yes, understanding a root of a character’s problems is good, beneficial even, but having your character nearly, sporadically, commit MURDER THREE TIMES only to then have him become a wildin’ creature does nothing, if not disgust. It's disgusting when you talk about PTS one minute and have your main character be socially dangerous the next. You’d feel sorry for him, sure, but I gotta say nearly killing people is not something we should just hand wave. That is not a good or realistic depiction of depression and post traumatic stress; especially when you trying to discuss this with children. And don’t try to justify it by saying it was necessary for his downward spiral. Having to think and see death before my own eyes in real life, there should’ve been a better way to make Steven hit rock bottom without putting other’s lives on the line. It wasn’t compelling or resonating to see him become a witless creature after saying he could get away with anything, it felt jarringly hallow and teeth gritting sadistic to think this was acceptable. It took him turning into a literal creature to finally go to therapy or a throwaway line about therapy in this show’s case? Are you kidding me?

The hug is a nice moment on its own, but it took far too many kneecaps to get to this point and think it’s believably or justly earned. I can make fun of the monster design all I want, but what they put Steven through to get to this point is the most insulting writing I ever have to think about. Because you know what that hug told me, personally? It’s that you can commit near irrefutable atrocities, you can behave like a blithering rampaging beast all you wish, but that won’t matter. Because you’re valid and your people will love you. That is not only asinine, but it kinda pissed on what I went through growing up. Like, as idealistic as that felt, it didn’t add up because it made the mentally unstable come off as more unstable than they mostly are. You can disagree all you want with this, it won’t change the baffling fact that I came to this conclusion in the first place when I didn’t want to. “But the crew said in an interv-” NO, just nope. If the message the show gives is this polarizing for those that invested or were concerned with it, maybe the message wasn’t clear enough, who knows? I can believe Mr. Rogers never fucked this up when he made his show. I tried thinking of this differently, but I can’t excuse what they did and how they did it. Bojack Horseman never pulled this with its main lead and when it truly did, that was given more time to sort out; not an 11 minute epilogue in its final moments. The hug was nice, but this episode was trash.

Speaking of which, next time...

We Finally Look to the Future

Here’s Part 2, if you’re up.

#su critical #su criticism #su critique #su #steven universe #steven universe future #su future #suf #analysis #reviews #Good Stuff #dumb #I am my monster #long post

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prorevenge · 5 years

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Don't screw with the crew!

Back in the early 90s, I got a gig working as a front-of-house sound engineer on a major 10-day music and arts festival in London’s Docklands with some fifteen stages dotted all around the waterfront. All of the crew working the stages were either experienced theatre techs, and/or had loads of experience working major outside events, which is the reason we were hired. As an aside, this festival was to celebrate the culmination of a massive investment in the redevelopment of this area of East London, itself the former site of one of the largest dock complexes in the world.

I was tasked with running FOH sound on one of the largest stages. Normally, events like this are loads of fun to work but within two days it became apparent that the organisers had 1), no idea of how to run major outside events and 2), had not the faintest idea of how to book acts and schedule same. In particular, we also had to contend with some woman from Docklands' middle management team who had been given the job of "overseeing" our particular stage, a person who not only had rapidly proved to be totally ignorant of any aspect of managing outside events, but also someone for whom the word "entitled" had been invented.

Our stage was licensed to run events from midday until 10:00pm but we rarely had a full day’s-worth of events for punters to enjoy, due to the aforementioned incompetence with booking. Still, not our problem—we'll just work with what’s given us.

On the Thursday, we had scheduled an evening of old-time Victorian music hall which featured, as a special guest, a very famous film and TV actress. Her performance rider required a grand piano. For some unfathomable reason (and again due to the incompetence of the organisers), the piano—a full-size Yamaha concert grand—arrived from the hire company on the Tuesday. This was a remarkably stupid idea for any number of reasons: due to operational considerations, we had to store the piano in the backstage area where it spent two days suffering in the heat of the day despite our best efforts to shield it.

As any piano technician/tuner will tell you, this is An Extremely Bad Idea, especially with an instrument worth close to £100,000. Almost as bad was the fact that our area was little more than a roughly-graded building site: the ground was covered in hard-core rubble fragments around the size of hen’s eggs (very uncomfortable to walk around on, even with proper work boots), which also kicked up loads of dust and other detritus—not the sort of crap you want floating about gumming up the works of a very expensive concert grand!

Now let me properly set the scene: it’s mid-summer, very hot, and our venue is a large circus-style tent with around 800-seat capacity. The cast of the show, along with our august star, were due to turn up at around 1:00pm to conduct a production rehearsal so we could sort out sound and lighting cues for the show.

The main cast duly turn up on time, and we start sorting out their technical requirements (pretty simple and nothing that we’re not used to). At about 1:30pm, our star turns up sporting dark glasses and an immaculate couture. As anyone who’s worked in this industry knows, the initial interaction with a major A-list star vis-à-vis their technical requirements can go one of two ways: full-monty diva, or let’s go with what we have.

Her first demand was that the piano be dropped off the front of the stage so that she could maintain an eye-line whilst standing right downstage, both with her pianist and with the audience. The stage was about 4.5 feet above ground level and would have required at least eight burly lads to safely shift a full-size concert grand off the deck. Also not a good idea since it had been tuned that morning and moving it would have almost certainly caused the tuning to go out of whack.

I delicately pointed out that doing so would be in direct violation of both health and safety, and fire regulations—as per our written policy—as it would have put the piano in both the fire lane and close to one of the primary emergency exits from the venue. Thinking rapidly, I then suggested that we place the piano as far downstage as physically possible, and that she page herself three or four feet upstage so that she could still glance over and take cues from her MD whilst still “taking in” the audience.

The tension was palpable: after a few seconds consideration she replied, “No problem, I can work with that.” Phew!! No sooner than this crisis had been averted than the Docklands rep rocked up. I remind you, gentle reader, that this person had absolutely zero knowledge about how to run an outside event.

She had also been a major thorn in our side for the previous week, trying to micro-manage proceedings in the venue in order to big herself up in front of her bosses: we, of course, completely ignored her “suggestions” but in such a way as made her think she was in charge—trust me, she wasn’t! She had also been inexcusably rude to virtually every single member of the crew from Day One, and had over the days previous reduced several of them to tears. Production crews don’t take kindly to our own being treated in such a cavalier fashion, and while we’re generally fairly thick-skinned, there comes point where we want to get our own back. Believe me, after a week of constant abuse, we were coming up with creative ways of disposing of the body.

Although we didn’t realise I at the time, our saviour was at hand…but I digress…

Obviously star-struck, she announced in gushing tones that she would be taking personal charge of our star’s every need and that we were not to concern ourselves with that aspect: indeed, we were to “keep our place” as we were only the hired help. Our stage manager, who was at that time sweeping the stage, bridled at the suggestion and made as if to use his broom to beat the brains out of this woman. I had to step in front of him as unobtrusively as possible and stop him from burying the woman right there and then—“she ain’t worth it, mate.”

She then swanned off, leaving our star slack-jawed in amazement. She then turned to me and said, “Is that fucking woman for real?” I replied: “Darling, you have NO idea!”, at which point she laughed uproariously. I gave our star a brief summary of the previous few days' farrago and instantly, she became one of us and from then on we were all on first-name terms.

We then ran a full tech rehearsal from 3:00pm to 5:00pm, sorted out all our cues and then repaired to the beer tent with the cast for a spot of late lunch and a drink or two.

The show was scheduled to kick off at 7:30pm. At around 6:00pm, The Harridan reappeared to overlook the situation. She noticed that we had all the sides of the tent raised in order to get some air flowing through—remember it’s mid-summer and it’s currently low to mid 80s. She then demanded that all of the tent flaps be lowered because she wanted a more “theatre” atmosphere and the light spilling through the side walls would spoil the effect. Despite pointing out that dropping the tent sides would significantly raise the temperature in the venue, she demanded the sides be dropped, so despite our earnest advice to the contrary, we reluctantly complied.

At around 7:00pm, we saw eight 50-seat coaches arrive. To our amazement, out from the coaches came an entire flotilla of old-age pensioners, many on Zimmer frames, who proceeded to shuffle their way into the tent across the hard-core rubble underfoot. We discovered later that the organisers had forgotten to advertise the event anywhere (seriously??) and in desperation, had gone around to all the local Darby & Joan clubs a couple of days before handing out free tickets and laying on transport in order to have an audience.

So now we have 400-odd OAPs frantically fanning themselves with anything to hand as the temperature climbs ever higher. We start the show: everything’s going fine but the mercury in the thermometer I have strapped to the FOH rack is slowly going up and up: it’s so hot up at the sound desk that I’m down to my shorts!

By the end of Act 1, the temperature has gotten up to around 94°F and one could clearly see the old dears are in a bit of distress. Naturally, the organisers had neglected to provide water for the public, and judging by the horrified expressions of the two St John’s Ambulance first-aiders stationed either side of the stage, things were about to get a lot worse. I climbed off the tower, found the rigging crew and ordered the sides of the tent raised. No sooner had I done so than “our friend” standing nearby demanded that the sides stay down because "she was in charge" and "...her instructions were to be followed absolutely, no questions!"

It was at this juncture that diplomacy went completely out of the window. I informed her in no uncertain terms (and employing a fair amount of Anglo-Saxon vernacular) that it was in fact the crew who had the responsibility of ensuring the health and safety of all the people in the venue, not her, and that we have the legal authority to enact ANY procedure that we see fit at ANY time to ensure the safety and well-being of everyone present. I then informed her that I was now exercising my authority under The Health & Safety at Work Act 1974 to remediate the situation, and that if she made one single attempt to circumvent that authority, I would have her ejected from the venue without hesitation. She then got in my face and screamed, “I’M IN CHARGE!”. No strike one, no strike two, instant strike three!

I glanced over at two of our security crew who had been hovering in the background with huge shit-eating grins on their faces, who then stepped up either side of her. Defeated, but complaining like a banshee with a terminal case of haemorrhoids, she was escorted off the premises in short order.

By the time Act 2 kicked off, we’d gotten the temperature down to a more manageable low 70ºF, much to the appreciation of our audience, and the rest of the show went off without a hitch.

After the show, cast and crew—including our august star—repaired to the bar for a well-earned drink. Moments later, you-know-who appeared and in imperious tones informed us that our star was to be the guest of honour at a VIP reception for the various Docklands' bigwigs. With a tinge of regret for having our fun curtailed prematurely, we said our goodbyes to our star.

Now it gets interesting!

Not ten minutes later, she storms back into the beer tent with a face like absolute thunder. Taken somewhat aback by her reappearance, we enquired as to why she had returned.

“That fucking woman! She drags me off to this so-called ‘VIP party’: I get there and all that’s there are two fucking plates of curled-up ham sandwiches and two fucking boxes of cheap wine from Sainsburys! How the holy fuck did she get this job?

“I gave her a right bloody earful and came back here because I’d much rather drink with you guys!”

At which point she calls the barman over and orders a round for the entire crew. We spend the rest of the evening chatting away like old friends: she regaled us with stories of her life, and she was gracious enough to listen to some of ours. Despite us trying to buy her a drink, she refused point-blank and picked up the entire bar tab for the rest of the evening on the basis that “…you’ve had to put up with that fucking evil bitch all week: the least I can do get you folks a drink!”

All good things must come to an end and at the end of the evening, her chauffeur turns up to take her home. She embraces all of us as old friends: she hugs me, plants a big kiss on my lips and thanks me, whereupon I comment, “you have just fulfilled a boyhood dream!” Again, that uproarious laugh! She looks at me and says, “Don’t let that fucking bitch get you down! Leave it to me…”

I later discovered through the back-channels some weeks later that our bête-noir had been fired from her five-figure job for her monstrous screw-up, primarily because our star’s agent had ripped the organisers a new one in very short order; you do NOT fuck with someone of our star’s track record without there being consequences. So, although we were not directly responsible for The Harridan’s demise, we were gratified to have someone of our star’s calibre standing up for us.

Revenge is a dish best served cold!

Edit: corrected °C for °F.

(source) story by (/u/GhostOfSorabji)

#prorevenge #by /u/GhostOfSorabji #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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spork-guitar · 4 years

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Lucky Lady Chapter 13

@sapphicsovereign @gingerdaile

Let me know if you want to be tagged!

Adrien is tired and Ladybug is a mess.

In this AU, Adrien is aware that his father treated him poorly as a kid, but doesn’t know the full extent of it. Ladybug is starting to show symptoms of a crush (blushing, saying things without meaning to, acting impulsively, tripping b/c you were too busy looking at a hot guy). Better get that checked out ;)

Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12.

After a week of photo shoots crammed in at every possible time of day, Adrien was exhausted, barely managing to drag himself out of bed in the morning. At least, that’s how it felt.

Internally, his body was barely able to stay upright, brain foggy from lack of sleep and thus incapable of forming coherent thoughts. Externally, he was very much an Agreste, getting up when his alarm sounded, dressed and ready for the day within minutes. There was a generous amount of concealer under his eyes and a prize-winning smile on his face as he greeted the new morning with extremely false enthusiasm.

The ability to appear wide awake despite the constant protesting of every cell that allowed Adrien’s body to continue functioning was a practiced skill, developed from years of early wake-up calls and lectures about being “the image of the Gabriel brand” and having to look the part.

A man like Gabriel Agreste stayed hidden away in his office and took credit for every activity Nathalie scheduled that Adrien carried out. He didn’t need to look prim and proper every moment of every day because he seldom set foot outside his atelier. To Adrien, that’s just the way his father was. To the media, he was a “reclusive” and “quirky” designer who thrived from time alone. To the court system, it was probably neglect, but no one asked them.

Unsurprisingly, Adrien was the first one in the dining room. Nathalie didn’t join him for meals anymore, Lila only sometimes bothered to eat breakfast, and Ladybug was living up to her self-proclaimed status of “not a morning person,” so he often ate alone, at least for a little while. He didn’t mind, not really. The loneliness and overall lack of company in the mansion didn’t bother him as much as it used to. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the truth.

A familiar face brought him a plate of food — someone from the kitchen staff, the name escaped him — and he ate, remembering his manners even though he was the only person in the room.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Ladybug rushed into the dining room in a flurry of apologies, nearly dropping her tablet in her haste. Adrien quirked an eyebrow at her, amused at her antics. “Ugh, I’m such a mess. I just - my alarm didn’t go off. Can you believe it? So then I wake up to someone knocking on my door, and guess what? It’s Nathalie. My boss. My boss had to wake me up because my alarm hates me and is personally out to get me.”

Adrien laughed. He couldn’t help himself, the way Ladybug stood in front of him, disheveled and pouting adorably. He swore he could see the steam coming out of her ears. She frowned at him, but he could see the corners of her lips twitching as she fought back a smile.

“Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed, huh?” He teased, enjoying the playful gleam in her eyes.

Then, with all the confidence of someone only partially aware of the words leaving their mouth: “Yeah, but if Nathalie ever has to wake me up again, you can bet it won’t be your bed I get up in.”

A beat of stunned silence.

“Ahahahaha, nothat’snotwhatImeant. I-I-I meant, uh, a bed in your house. Well, your father’s house, technically. I’m only, like a guess, I guest. I mean, I’m a guest, not that it - whatever. I’ll just shut up.”

He chuckled again, a foreign fluttering feeling in his stomach as he looked at her sheepish grin and adorable blush. “I don’t mind it. You’re cute when you’re flustered.”

Ladybug’s entire face flushed several shades darker. “Cute, huh?” She fidgeted with a loose strand of hair and stared at the ground with a decidedly melancholy expression. Gone was the spark in her eyes, the frantic gestures as she stumbled over her words. There was no enthusiasm. Her words felt flat and joyless.

A brief wave of panic coursed through him. “Did I say something wrong?”

She peeked up at him through her eyelashes with a sad smile. “No, you’re fine. I just didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Hey, don’t let me hold up your breakfast. We have an appointment to get to, remember?”

Of course. If Adrien was anything like his father (perish the thought, his one goal in life was to not become his father), he would fire the person responsible for scheduling a suit fitting at eight in the morning. The designer was opening his boutique an hour earlier than usual specifically for his appointment, which seemed unnecessary.

Those sixty minutes were valuable. Adrien could have spent them sleeping. Not that he minded spending them with Ladybug, of course. It was certainly the best alternative to sleep he could come up with.

#gale-of-the-nomads #bodyguard!mari #miraculous ladybug #ml au #ml fic

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quirkycombatants · 5 years

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Spoilers: Noburu’s Backstory

So I usually don’t tell people the whole truth about my muses, or give all the details about their backstory, because 1. they tend to be super long, and 2. it makes it easier to react more naturally to things when they’re not considering information they don’t have. This prevents bias, but also metagaming. In any case, I felt that enough threads have been done the last few days that it was time to put down Noburu’s actual backstory, with explanations of how and why he is strong, and how and why he is the way he is.

Major spoilers lie below.

First, let’s talk about Noburu’s family. He claims he does not have one, save for his brother and father, who abandoned him as the false heir, and will one day return to slay him for his weakness. This, Noburu believes. He believes this completely. It is also a lie.

First, his brother. Noburu never gives details on his brother; not his looks, not his fighting style, nothing. Only that he is stronger than Noburu and the favorite of his father for having a quirk. In truth, his brother does not exist. Noburu is an only child, and his brother is not real.

Noburu has dissociative identity disorder.

To quote WebMD:

Dissociative identity disorder is thought to stem from a combination of factors that may include trauma experienced by the person with the disorder. The dissociative aspect is thought to be a coping mechanism -- the person literally shuts off or dissociates himself from a situation or experience that's too violent, traumatic, or painful to assimilate with his conscious self.

Research indicates that the cause of DID is likely a psychological response to interpersonal and environmental stresses, particularly during early childhood years when emotional neglect or abuse may interfere with personality development. As many as 99% of individuals who develop dissociative disorders have recognized personal histories of recurring, overpowering, and often life-threatening disturbances or traumas at a sensitive developmental stage of childhood.

Dissociation may also happen when there has been persistent neglect or emotional abuse, even when there has been no overt physical or sexual abuse. Findings show that in families where parents are frightening and unpredictable, the children may become dissociative.

It is now acknowledged that these dissociated states are not fully mature personalities, but rather they represent a disjointed sense of identity. With the amnesia typically associated with dissociative identity disorder, different identity states remember different aspects of autobiographical information. There is usually a "host" personality within the individual, who identifies with the person's real name. Ironically, the host personality is usually unaware of the presence of other personalities.

Incorporating all that, Noburu’s brother is his second personality. It is the personality that allowed him to cope with the killing that he did during his childhood years in the underground arenas. Consider the details that Noburu gives about his brother:

Noburu’s brother is stronger than Noburu. Noburu’s brother is more brutal than Noburu. Unlike Noburu, who doesn’t like to kill, Noburu’s brother kills willingly and readily, and without remorse. Noburu’s brother is more emotional than Noburu.

In truth, Noburu’s brother is the repressed personality that covers the parts of Noburu that allowed him to survive in death matches. Noburu, forced to kill and do so to survive, separated himself from what was occurring. His ‘brother’ is thus responsible for all the blood shed. The deaths that Noburu caused he associates with his brother.

There’s another aspect to it. His brother is ‘strong’ while noburu is ‘weak.’ His brother is ‘powerful’ while Noburu is ‘careful.’ He is the opposite of Noburu, because Noburu has defined himself as the peaceful one, the one who possesses no malice towards anyone, while his ‘brother’ possesses only the urge for violence towards others.

In truth, Noburu’s brother does not actually have malice towards others. But that will be discussed later.

Noburu’s brother is Noburu. But the brother was a coping mechanism, and something that was encouraged to develop by Noburu’s father. It was specifically cultivated, in order to be controlled, because his father feared what would happen if the secondary personality consumed the main personality. Thus, the rules for his brother coming out, unknown to Noburu are:

In the arena, when you must defend your own life, or when you must defend something so precious that you cannot live without it.

It was his father’s belief that this would keep him safe; after all, it would keep it contained to the arena, and it would ensure that his father would be safe since he was something that Noburu would be unable to live without.

This would be his ultimate mistake.

Noburu was never meant to become attached to anything other than his father. He was never meant to feel anything like attachment towards anyone or anything. In reality, he became attached to a dog that would come by to where Noburu was kept by his father. Noburu understood that this animal would be killed, but it showed him affection, which was new to Noburu. and so he began to value the dog, and was careful to keep it away when his father was going to come around.

When his father found it, he attempted to make Noburu kill the dog. Noburu refused. His father then decided to kill it himself. This activated the last part of the indoctrination: defend something so precious that you cannot live without it. To Noburu, this dog was so precious because it showed him something unique, and thinking it was entirely unique in doing so, he could not live without these feelings of affection.

Thus Noburu killed his father.

Noburu does not believe he has done this. To him, both his father and his brother are alive and merely waiting to return to kill him. But Noburu, under the guise of his ‘brother’ slew his father. His father of course, had a quirk, that part Noburu is accurate about. His father’s quirk really was the ability to see into the future up to three seconds at all times. Which means that Noburu had to fight in a way which made it impossible for that quirk to stop him.

This brings us to Noburu’s strength. Noburu is quirkless. But Noburu is also a superhuman. It will also explain how Noburu’s ‘brother’ is stronger than he is.

Noburu’s father, realizing that noburu was quirkless, did in fact attempt to overcome this problem. But he did not try to ‘force a quirk’ as Noburu believed. Instead, he attempted to make it so that Noburu would be able to enter the ‘fight or flight state’ instantly.

In Japan, this is called ‘enormous strength during a fire,’ but in America it’s usually referred to as the ‘emergency state.’ Basically, think of how when their child is in danger, a mother can somehow lift a car to save them. Think about how when a person fell out of a plane without a parachute, they somehow survived with other minor injuries. Think about how the original marathon was ran by a man who then died as soon as he declared victory. The truth is that our bodies have limits, because otherwise we would destroy ourselves through exertion. We learn this as children and keep it to this day. For example, the density of a human finger is the same as the density of a carrot. We can easily bite through a carrot, but biting through a finger would be hard for most people. Why? Because our brains are conditioned to believe that we should not do one and easily do the other.

But there’s more than psychology to this. There’s biology too. To do the things in this state, the brain floods the body with endorphins. It then begins breaking down the base proteins that your body stores for emergencies. This is extremely dangerous, because your body is not meant to break down these proteins normally or even regularly. This is how people, even on the point of exhaustion, get a sudden burst of energy to act. It is the last gasp of your body.

Noburu’s father aimed to make it so that Noburu could act in this state at will. In truth, he got close. Noburu’s ‘brother’ naturally exists in this state. It is a state where he is stronger, faster, more lethal than a normal person. But it comes at the cost of his rational thoughts; your body cannot focus on rational thought while it is doing everything it can to survive.

There is one other thing which explains Noburu’s strength, even while he is not in this state. And that thing is myostatin. Myostatin is a natural protein that is produced by the body in order to inhibit muscle growth. Without it, muscles would grow endlessly without end. There are many examples of animals that lack this, and who end up with giant muscles. When working out, our bodies intentionally limit myostatin, and that allows us to gain muscle mass.

But Noburu’s body lacks the proper amount of Myostatin. However his body, rather than grow to extreme sizes, has compressed his muscles. This is why, if you were to compare Noburu with someone of equal height, he would probably weigh somewhere between 100-200 lbs more, though the reason isn’t entirely obvious.

Noburu, from the day he was born, has muscle fibers that are naturally elastic and dense, along with dense bones that are harder and more durable than normal. This is a result of his muscles being forced to endure intense amounts of strain.

This is why Noburu’s father put him through the training he did, and why he didn’t simply remove him. It is true that Noburu’s father wanted an heir. But Noburu’s father considered Noburu his real heir.

When Noburu was born, he weighed over 20 lbs, though was no larger than normal. His birth killed his mother, because Noburu was too strong and caused exceptional bleeding when he was being born, and she was not being born in a hospital.

Noburu, by virtue of birth, was a superhuman in a world of quirks. He was quirkless, but that didn’t matter. He had his powers by virtue of the old way, naturally. He would be considered a superhuman in a normal world. But he is not in a normal world, and so he seems normal.

But Noburu’s strength, reaction time, and durability are many times greater than a normal person’s. This was why Noburu’s father trained him as he did, and why Noburu’s father was unable to kill Noburu despite seeing three seconds into the future. The three second headstart didn’t matter, because Noburu could move faster than he could react.

But killing his father to protect something precious was the final break that caused him to need two personalities. Noburu was ‘weak’ so he had a brother who was ‘strong.’ Noburu was ‘calm’ while his brother was ‘violent.’ And because Noburu had killed his father, he was ‘wrong’ because he was not the ‘heir.’ Thus, he waits for ‘punishment’ for being ‘wrong.’ He is ‘guilty.’ And his brother and father will return to kill him. But he cannot stop growing stronger, because he cannot allow anyone else to deliver punishment to him.

Noburu’s ‘brother’ is a lie. His father is dead. But he does not believe this. Instead, his body and mind have undergone extreme trauma, which has created the ‘brother’ personality that contains all of the times he was forced to kill. It is the ‘stronger’ personality, because Noburu considers his ability to simply kill to be stronger. It is also the personality that formed when Noburu was on the edge of death by his father’s training, to get him through that terrible situation. Thus the ‘state’ of being near death, that state where the body has increased strength and speed to survive, is linked with his ‘brother’ who can achieve that easily.

Noburu is thus the ‘weaker’ brother who relies on martial arts to overcome differences in strength. But his ‘brother’ is actually the one who relies on pure strength. ‘Noburu’ is thus his body and mind’s ‘limiter.’ He is the result of the coping mechanism.

All questions about how he exists, how he can be as strong as he is despite being quirkless, and how he can use the techniques that he can, can now be explained. Noburu is the personality who has jettisoned his ability to feel most things, because the last time he felt affection it resulted in him killing his father. He had fear and anger removed from his mind by his father’s training. He has survived, through a combination of natural genetics and training by his father.

Thus does Noburu’s true story become clear.

#ooc #Headcanon #noburu things

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schoolfullofmorons · 5 years

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Berhaps share more of this serial killer au????

oh yes of course !!! be warned that gary is not supposed to represent every mentally ill person out there, don't treat ND people like they're murderers it is not good

anyway

[ tw: murder, abuse mentions, arson, drugs, ableism, mental issues, cheating ]

i went back and forth on it but finally decided that i wanted him to go to the asylum and start off following the path of redemption au. however, after getting out of the asylum, instead of his father bribing his way back into bullworth, he gets sent off to a school outside of town, where he knows no one and no one knows him.

you'd think this would be a great opportunity for him, considering his history at bullworth; but the thing about his asylum visit in redemption au is that it's really, really traumatizing, and instead of aiding his mental health, it instead progresses it to the point where he begins to expierence some severe disconnects from reality. in redemption au, he has pete and jimmy to ground him and counteract these once they realize what's going on with him; in this new school, he has no one.

entering his senior year alone proves to be very very difficult as his mental health declines and he ends up falling into the wrong crowd; a group of maybe 3-4 boys who all expirement with hardcore drugs such as LSD. while gary doesn't take them, he is pressured into a lot of situations where he mixes with people experiencing that disconnect from reality like he is; except his is based off of trauma, not drugs. at first he feels accepted by them due to this shared disconnect, until the crowd starts to terrorize him for not being able to cut off his own trauma and mental health issues.

these boys WERE his therapy. his father had stopped paying for therapy at this point since the asylum had deemed him "fixed," and while he was still on medication, he was so far gone that he needed more than that. considering they were essentially the only thing influencing him to keep going, he'd often put himself in risky situations, and almost got killed multiple times.

despite all of this he still managed to get himself into college. he still doesn't know how; all of senior year is a blur to him. all he remembers is sleepless nights and crying in stranger's bathrooms. but freshmen year comes fast, and a nineteen-year old gary takes his first steps towards adulthood.

his father decides to teach him his version of "responsibility" (which in reality is just child neglect) and takes him off of his medication. he tells gary that if he wants help he'll have to pay for it himself; he's an adult now, he should take charge. the thing is, gary can't mentally hold down a job and keep up with school. it's too much and tends to very easily overwhelm his autism. so, he just quits cold turkey.

he stops hanging out around the boys he was previously associated with and started hanging out a lot with his abusive roommate. this roommate was often very ableist towards gary but gary took it since he literally just, didn't have anyone else. and he was tired of being lonely.

he enters his sophomore year and nothing is getting better. he's started having violent outbursts that are worse than those he expierenced in high school, and his roommate and him have been fighting. so he decides to quit school and drop out. this decision is impulsive and doesn't last very long.

when he enters his house he catches his father cheating on his mother. his father hits him for what he witnesses and threatens him. gary knew that his home wasn't safe to go back to but he had longed for some sort of familiarity. this was familiar. the abuse was familiar. and it made him really, really fucking angry.

he burned down his father's house that night on a whim, killing four people: his father, his father's mistress, his mother (who was sleeping upstairs), and one of the servants. many other servants and butlers were injured. panicking, he went to his roommate and begged them to lie to the police about where he had been, essentially admitting to the crime. his roommate agreed, sick with power, and lied to the cops, saying him and gary had spent the night studying in their room.

gary got a burn scar from the fire on his forearm and started wearing a lot of long sleeves after that. it's very rare to catch him without them in this au.

he drifted around in a sort of daze after that. he had just killed his parents and he felt both relieved and frightened, but his brain refused to process any of it. he went to his father's funeral, where most of the town of bullworth had gathered. gary's family was tied as wealthiest in the town, rivaled only by the harrington's, and they were extremely popular. teachers, lawyers, students, everyone showed up, even people who didn't know him.

one of those people was a cop who told gary he was sorry for his loss. it was outside the funeral, and gary was smoking a cigar. gary panicked as the cop turned; why would a cop talk to him? did he know what gary had done?

gary leapt on top of him and strangled him, then stuffed his body in a nearby dumpster and fled in a panic.

surprisingly, he didn't get caught then. he wasn't even questioned by authorities. he returned to college, but was soon called back to bullworth to sort out his father's will. his father had left him everything. gary became rich, yet didn't know what to do with it. at this point he was terrified of therapy, wondering what his therapists would say if he confessed to the murders or the anger issues, and was paranoid that the medication was poisoned. paranoia made him refuse to ask for help and he put forth all of the money to pay for his college tuition, stuffing the remaining sum into a savings account.

after that he attached himself to his roommate. while they had been "friends" before, they didn't hang out often. now gary sought to hang out with him all the time. gary was terrified of being alone with himself, and terrified even more of having another breakdown.

sophomore year ended and junior year rolled around. him and his roommate got in a huge fight. roommate called him overbearing and went to hit him; gary whipped out his pocket knife and stabbed him.

he took great care to hide the body of this one; he put it in an incinerator and burned it. when he went back to the dorms and cleaned up he was shaking. he hated himself. he decided that night that he'd focus completely on school; he was a psych major who wanted to become a therapist to give kids what he had never had.

he met jimmy again his senior year of college. jimmy had went to a tech school and become a small-town cop. he didn't seem fazed that gary was his ex-rival and instead made peace between them; jimmy even introduced him to several of his children.

jimmy wasn't exactly dating anyone, but was kinda dating everyone. he cared for his kids, both adopted and biological, from past relationships he had had, but tended to jump around from relationship to relationship quite quickly. he never abandoned his children however and sought out to give them the best life they could have. that's why he was a cop.

gary didn't know any of this at the time and found himself falling in love with jimmy. it was the first time anyone had looked at him with kindness for four years. he was lonely and he was tired of himself, so he erased the past from his memory and vowed to start over. and he did. he began dating jimmy a few months after their reconciliation, where he was able to meet lola, gord, pete, and talk with zoe over facetime. it felt like a blessing in what had, until recently, been a rather cursed existence.

he found out jimmy was a cop about a month and a half after dating him.

during this time he swore off of killing, but it didn't last very long. he was assigned a project in english with a classmate. said classmate started coming onto him very strong. gary said no, he didn't stop, and gary killed him.

this one was messy. he was so shaken by the circumstances leading up to the killing that he couldn't empathise with himself that he had just killed another person, again. he fled to jimmy's apartment, drenched in drying blood, and begged him to let him take a shower; he lied, saying he had gotten in a fight with someone, but jimmy wasn't stupid. there were no obvious injuries on gary's person except the burn scar on his forearm.

gary showered and they didn't talk too heavily about it, but jimmy began to get suspicious. he checked into gary's history and realized that people who got close to him tended to disappear. a few days later they had a fight about it and gary ran off to a local club, just trying to get somewhere where people wouldn't know him and wouldn't say his name like he was a monster.

he wandered around the building and found some of his old friends, who gave him a gun and a shiny knife. he was fascinated with them and set them on a nearby table. girl came onto him, he freaked out, and he shot her.

this time there were several witnesses to identify him. he fled back to jimmy's apartment to try and explain but it was of no use. he was arrested, the town rejoiced in their safety and he was given the death sentence.

and that's serial killer au.

#ask #anon #gary smith #serial killer au #long post #i tried to put a read more but tumblr is wack so i apologize

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mhmmkookies · 6 years

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on endeavor not recognizing dabi if he is a todoroki I have to point out that dabi has been seriously disfigured with burns on his face and all over his body it would be hard for endeavor to recognize him

Hi Anon, thanks for your message. Sorry for the long andlate reply I was coming up with my response.

(N.B. this is all written under the assumption that Dabi andTouya are the same person)

I agree with the points you raise because you’re right, the disfigurement from thesevere burns that Dabi has endured would definitely make it extremely difficultfor Endeavour to potentially recognise him, especially if it’s been years uponyears that he would have seen ‘Touya’.

(I shouldn’t have made such strong statements in that post,but I wrote it with a mushy brain from the cold I have right now and theemotional high I was on after reading the chapter. That’s beside the pointthough and I’m not here to offer excuses…)

However, I would also like to raise another perspective onthis topic since I don’t like to live in a starkly black and white world, so,I’m going to divulge more of my thoughts under the cut.

From what we have seen of Touya in the sparse flashbackswe have he seems to have been a shy, timid and meek child. Of course, thisdrastically contrasts Dabi’s current personality as he is brash, aggressivealbeit secretive and quite reserved about himself. This would of course also lendto Endeavour’s difficulty in being able to recognise Dabi.

If you couple this with what someone previouslymentioned about Endeavour being on the brink of collapse, death, and sufferingwith blurry vision then of course this would also put a damper on hisrecognition of Dabi.

However, to contest this point, if Touya waspotentially burned as a child/teenager while under Endeavour’s care (a word I’musing pensively), then seeing a grown adult with burn marks in the same placescould also have been an indication or reminder for Endeavour that Dabi and Touyaare one and the same. It was with this in mind that I made my initial post. Ofcourse, I’ve been doing some deeper thinking and the scales do lean towards unrecognition,however, there are some points which I cannot let go of which, make a solidcase for why Endeavour could have recognised Dabi as Touya

Dabi’s fire is blue, if he is indeed Touya, thisis an extremely unique aspect of his quirk which is something that Endeavourshould’ve easily recognised. It is because of this that I felt that Endeavour’sneglect was so extreme once he realised that Dabi was not the son he desired heabsolutely abandoned him. Another way this can be explained of course is a deepsense of denial which could stem from a belief that Touya has died or ???

Personally, what I find most interesting is that the Touyawe have seen is smaller in size than both Fuyumi and Natsuo but is the eldestson. I think this reveals an interesting point about his physical capabilities,especially when you contrast this with Endeavour who, with his bulky size andfine control of his quirk, is still susceptible to overheating and potentialburning. With this in mind, if Touya is shown to be smaller than the two ofthem and produces blue fire which is purer, hotter and more potent than redfire, his ability to use his quirk without injuring himself especially at ayoung age would be a near impossibility. I believe that this would be apossible reason for the neglect he faced, which could have also led to a terribleincident of some sorts. I also hypothesise that this incident may have been aresult of Touya desperately vying for Enji’s affection but overdoing it and burninghimself in the process.

Before I finish let me just say that Endeavour was basicallypractising eugenics and the way in which Endeavour discarded and neglected hischildren is indisputable and honestly indefensible. However, I am not againstpossible redemption. I do believe that people can change and while I would likefor Endeavour to get his just desserts. I am not against the idea that there isa possibility for him to rebuild his shattered family but I am not personallywilling to see that until what he has done somehow reaches the public and destabilisesthe entire hero society. OR he does properly Atone and apologise for everythinghe has done and especially to his family. Because a flower in a vase every weekshould not be enough. *insert sluurrp here*

(Also a huge credit to MS where I took all these screencaps from and also to the people who have contributed to all the Dabi theories who I referenced within my own musings)

Hopefully this addressed your points Anon!

#Dabi is a todoroki theory #Todoroki Enji #Todoroki Touya #bnha meta #long post #idk if this is meta #I hope this addresses the points you raised anon #bnha 192 #bnha spoilers #dabi #mhmmasks #bnha #cw:abuse #idk just to be safe #tbh wasn't expecting any responses from my ill-thought post

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thestylerandomguy · 5 years

Text

Why does it feels like taking a break from a career sounds like a taboo or like it’s a miserable thing to happen to an individual? That a major setback in a career or while studying can be perceived as a failure with multitude of negative strings attached to it. We’d like to believe that each change should always meant to do things differently for a better outcome. However, in this double standard society that we need to outlive, people’s mindset has a tendency to get derailed and be entertained over someone’s obstacle to change rather than proactively understand and give support. Just like any career change, hitting the reset button can be both challenging and exciting. In my case, a career reset at just 33 years old was one of the best life decisions I’ve made so far.

JOHARI’S WINDOW OF THE UNKNOWN

Resetting my career didn’t happen all of a sudden, the idea of it popped in my head for how many months before I finally had the courage to do it – I can tell something was not right then. I’m losing focus every day, I’m lacking motivation, I can’t remember my daily anthem, I’m doubting my capabilities I know that are my strengths – it was a dragging cycle, a weekend rest or getaway wasn’t enough to recover. This is completely not who I am when I started working ten years ago, I thought, heck even when I had struggles at work then, it wasn’t this complicated. I hoped to overcome it, however no matter how hard I focus I was struggling to concentrate, refocusing was even harder. I would close my eyes for a second and a number of voices at the back of my head would tell me to do this, to do that instead, everything seemed to be a constant conflict between what is important and what needs to be prioritized. Guess what? Decision-making was way tougher, I’ve became negligent. I kept on catching up to the things that I can do, thinking I’m supposed to be doing them for someone or answering to someone. I was not fine at all despite the smiles, the bonding with colleagues, and the time with friends. Every day I put on a mask to hide the scraps within. My self-motivation tattoo has lost its mojo.

With all that chaos inside my head, I thought I needed to do things that I love to keep myself sane, so over the next few months I pushed my creative standards and profoundly participated on a dance production (which included ramming my head on theme, choreography, audio mixing, and costume), a mentorship with a beauty pageant contestant (Q&A, branding, walk, confidence building, which are all new to me), then another dance production, and a superhero battle choreography and A/V technicality. All of them were within workplace and I had a great amount of help with the tasks, but the process and results weren’t enough, I was insatiable, the amount of fun doing it equaled the stress of making it good. I was fixated to a certain standard of how it should be done, let alone the outcome. Then it all back-fired, I became more agitated, more extreme, and neglected the responsibilities that I was supposed to be focusing on in the first place.

Looking back, the experience felt like those depressive episodes I had way back in college, though this time it wasn’t grim – I was more in control. This time it wasn’t really depression, at least not clinically, there was a key piece that was missing and somehow I’m glad I didn’t have a single moment to think about it. Then what was it? I wish I’ve understood, I wish I’ve sought more help, it was unknown to me, the struggle was unknown to anyone. Yes, the persons of interest and the ones in my inner circle have an idea about it, it is expected for me to be self-aware, share and sought out help, but no one really listened, friends don’t really get it – everyone was on the same boat, it was up to me how I deal with and overcome the stress or whatever it is. The moments weren’t dragging, but they were so heavy and such a struggle. I didn’t realize the toll that it had on me. A mental illness of some sort, must be a severe anxiety disorder but no, not depression.

THINGS FELL INTO PLACE

It wasn’t long before I finally listened to what the universe was telling me, for how many months I tried to endure the brain-freeze, and I’m glad it wasn’t too late. Recognizing the signs is a skill that does not apply to everyone of course, some even laugh at the thought of it, but growing up I’ve been keenly observant to certain events around me or things that stand for something or has deeper meaning on a given perspective, kinda like interpreting dreams, part of a grand design of some sort.

So let’s see, an all-hell-breaks-loose trouble and back-firing at work, health concerns at home, the world seems crashing down at me and I’m a ticking time bomb standing at the edge of the earth, indeed there was no better time to be one at that point. And so my time came, just like at the stroke of midnight, it is like of perfect timing as if I’ve passed a final test, it is time for me to go. I didn’t have to ask, I didn’t have to beg or pray – I’m the one who had to say to myself to let go. Did I think I can still get up, give it another day and still try? Hell no. F*ck no. I already gave it one more sanity shot months ago, so no, not this time. Not today, not tomorrow, not any day.

Would you be deciding differently? Would you still be looking for a silver lining among the madness of fate? Or would it also be easy for you to fly? Yes, it wasn’t hard for me to decide and fly, I just had to keep the draft simple and send the two weeks’ notice. What’s left of my dignity and positive energy I’ve reserved it to endorse stuff and make right what I can with the allotted time, call it guilt, I call it regret. I can’t believe I have one, I’m used to accepting how life favors me and not regretting every decision I’ve made. I guess this one is still an exception, I’m yet to learn how to move on past this, else I wouldn’t have written this in the first place. Some were surprised that I’m leaving, some doesn’t need to know, a handful understood why I need to, and an associate of mine did a better job of thoughtfully asking questions and understanding why I had to leave – though I’ve already made the decision, I still appreciate the gesture. Notice the word better, as opposed to the people I thought I knew better how to package me in the first place. Still, it made the decision-making easier.

I need to heal. I need rest. I need a f*cking good sleep. And there was no better time to snap out of the hellish situation I was in. There was no better time to think about myself and my well-being. There’s no other person in the world who would look after me, not my friends, and not my colleagues. It was a short goodbye, I didn’t get to endorse what I intend to as I was asked to leave earlier than expected. The sooner the better I guess, there were no parting words from my superiors and you’d be left wondering how someone is valued and what is a leader’s worth. So much for the pride and engagement I’ve driven all those time, huh?

So did I get to realize my shortcomings and reflect on the mistakes I’ve made and at the same time get to appreciate and focus on all the good stuff I’ve championed? Yup, I did and I’m thankful I had time to rest and think about a lot of things. The road to recovery is also an ongoing thing, and I’ll be sharing them on the Part Two of this Career Reset at 33.

Cheers!

***

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CAREER RESET AT 33 | Part One Why does it feels like taking a break from a career sounds like a taboo or like it’s a miserable thing to happen to an individual?

#anxiety #career #Career Reset #mental health #Personal Development

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