#and acting like it is just the nature of men ignores the bigger issue and isolates people from eachother

[kennythetrampvamp]

Everytime my cis friends are like "ugh men" "hating men lol" etc etc. I have to ahhhh I have to grrrrrrrr I never know quite what to say though

[nei-ning]

Now that I've finished reading book about autism, let me just tell you, it was VERY eye opening! LOTS and LOTS of things which match me!

Therefor I wrote everything down and now, I'm gonna do my best and translate the list here. It WILL be long so be prepared. There's few questions where I left my own answer. Those are marked with *

Disorder without impairment of intellectual or language functioning.

"This was it!" a decision of refusing to do something anymore

Inner knowing of being autistic but still not knowing / realizing it

Anxiety, endless hole in the stomach

Sentences / words get stuck to play in the head as a loop

Anxiety feels like an another living being who lives inside you

Always felt of being different from others

No any help from anti-depression medicines and countless of therapy sessions

Trying to fit in women's most common mental health issues: Is this guilt after all, shame, too strong desire to please, super conscientious all the way to exhaustion, reaching for perfection, having eating disorder while hating her body. Maybe just chronically depressed? I'm none of these.

I don't care what others think of me

I can manage but only about those things which I'm interested in

I ignore everything boring

My human dignity does not depend on my body

Is sleeping difficult? No since I fall asleep every evening like a sauna lantern (saunalyhty)

Fear of not being believed

I can behave. I warn I can fake and maintain a facade.

I want to be honest and open

When talking, words fall on the floor and are forgotten there. I feel powerless since it feels like none understands me.

I'm often angry when others don't get it what I mean

I'm in a contact with other people more than I could handle

I like to talk long about the same subject and I don't like it when the subject it changed quickly.

Difficulties with eye contact

Hard to work together since others don't think like I.

Others' slowness is infuriating.

I don't like repeating things. Saying it once should be enough

In social situations I act and fake. I fear people.

I can't handle of being interrupted. Example: If another person on the phone wants something else than what I have in mind in that moment.

I don't like changing plans

I get tired easily and need breaks often

Few powerful objects of interest. Many things don't interest at all

Oversensitive to sounds (always wearing headphones)

I'm smart on certain things but on others completely useless

Can't survive from simple calculations or can't follow simple instructions

Challenges in routines. Taking a shower and brushing teeth are very challenging. I can manage but it's very challenging / demanding.

Everything practical and physical demands a lot of efforts

(Small) Talking is difficult since I never know what to say

Autism is caused by biological reasons and is heavily inherited

Autism is not an illness / disease. You can't train yourself out of it and there's no medication to it.

Difficulties in communication and social interaction

Limited behavioral patterns and targets of interest which can, for example, lead to it that routines are important and changes difficult

Senses can be over- or undersensitive.

Autistic has to reason that what others can do naturally

Strong sense of honesty and justice

It's easier to focus on details than on a bigger picture

It can be hard to start a tasks or end them

Most autism tests are made for MEN only

Do I like to play games? Yes (PS4 etc)*

I pay attention on cars' register plates? Yes*

Numbers fascinate me: Yes and no. (I believe in angel numbers so in that sense yes, otherwise no)*

I don't enjoy reading belles-lettres: No, I don't.*

I enjoy gathering information about different subjects, like cars: Depends (I like plague / Black Death!)*

Do I like social happenings and meeting people: No

I have to rest and recharge long after being social

Autistic girls couldn't handle changes, didn't know how to shower, couldn't get their teeth brushed, were extremely sensitive to sounds, got temper tantrums at home, slept badly and they had no friends. They were lonely girls who didn't play with dolls but broke them or only brushed their hair.

To autistic child being held by force / against their will in order to calm them is very damaging. Touch feels uncomfortable.

Autistic understands everything literally

Parents never asked at home how school day was so I learned not to speak about myself

Using words wrong infuriates

Do you feel the need to share your experience with others or is it irrelevant? - It's not if nothing hasn't happened. I don't feel I have anything to tell.

Autistic is strict about details

Music, writing and drawing helps autistic person to release tension

Autism can also be caused by "mother's coldness" which has caused child to withdraw and shutdown.

Autistic girls are handy (drawing, making jewelry, hobby) or then they like animals (or both)

Focuses so hard on drawing (for example) that forgets to eat, go to bathroom etc.

Synesthesia (seeing colors or forms when listening music, getting a taste of something in mouth from words, music, people etc. Example: I once saw a man on TV and he tasted like beetroot!)

Doesn't feel like fitting in society's roles, like how you should look

No connection to body

Periods surprise every time

Doesn't realize being sick

Eating disorder is common on adult autistic people

Connection to anorexia

Overwhelmed by sounds and lights. Can hear fridge's humming or kids outside even that windows are closed. Chat happening at the back of the bus, neighbors. All sounds flood in brains.

Remembers a lot from what s/he has heard

It's important for autistic person to control the situation

Stimming: A way to express emotions. Can appear as sniffing something, stroking pleasantly feeling items, movement (exam: dance), singing, repeating words, biting / chewing, listening sounds, pulling lips etc.

Hands need to re-learn things constantly (like how to peel potato)

Hands can survive from small tasks, not from big ones

Hate towards it you should constantly be doing something

Hard to be around people who are constantly moving, their movement(s) gets on the nerves (aka pisses off)

Doesn't invite anyone to visit them since visits are exhausting

Addiction of routines. Same food every day, each summer the same vacation destination, doing things in specific time because then you can prepare yourself for them.

Easier to understand self-made instructions

Cleaning little by little (task per day) so that housework doesn't become overwhelming

Talking rudely to yourself, keeping yourself stupid

Hard to interact with others' conversation. Usual respond is weird look and: "What?"

Fight / disagreement with a parent. Doesn't get along with father or mother

Laughing at things which others don't get

Perfect rest from sounds and movements (exam: No TV on)

Desire to intervene in matters (exam: baking) if result is not perfect

Lack of sense of direction

Unable to try new route to a market (fear of getting lost)

Anxiety which comes from familiar thing having something new or strange in it, that I haven't "grow up" but stayed "as a child".

Doesn't understand why people scream in concerts, games etc.

Difficulties of getting a female friend (for female autistic persons)

Lack of empathy

Cognitive empathy: Doesn't understand how to react in certain situations

Can do emotional empathy

Let's others decide

Doesn't have strength to go through the same things over and over again with a friend

Easier to get along with boys

Ready to sacrifice a lot for a friend

Fictions affect deeply (exam: as a learning material)

Too critical

Constant collisions and misunderstandings with people

[torc87]

OFMD Season 2 Episode 8 Thoughts

Ok, , now we know that the whole 'never killed any man after my father ' thing was a flat out bold faced lie. Not just a 'the ocean killed them, the fire, than man I ordered' but just a bold faced lie. Ed killed the two navy soldiers w his bare hands. That is Not a man who hasn't killed in 30 years.

Also, did he fucking get DRESSED UNDER WATER? He comes out of the waves fully dressed, and in prepared to ignore his clothes not being washed away by the waves or that he could find them again, but he put on leather under water? W boots? Huh?

Swede being a poison tester - Ricky is very very cunning. Though ...this is Spanish Jackie. She killed Geraldo herself just bc he was a hostage to One single person. I find it a bit surprising she wouldn't poison the Swede if it meant getting her bar back. Not to mention, she is in Danger from Ricky. He has a grudge w her, much bigger than Jim's issue bc Jim's was indirectly w Jackie. Ricky is vengeful and clever and cruel. And ...um the song about British not being slaves, sung in the bar of a black woman who is Not British, feels very very threatening to me. I am very shocked that Jackie doesn't poison them all, Swede being a cold blooded collateral damage.

Poor Zheng! Stede is really really trying to be sympathetic but omg is he bad at it! He is not getting that he went apeshit at losing 2 of his crew ( I'm not counting Archie, he barely knew her), two of his crew he had known for a year or two at best, while Zheng lost, permanently, every single person she knew or cared about for decades ( however long conquering China took). And possibly a blood family member if Auntie is literal. He could stand to show more care. It's like he only shows that side competently to Ed.

Omg the reversal of Ed's little 'i am one w nature's talk! I was waiting w baited breath for him to remember he HATES nature. But this was even better. But good on him on not lashing out at Pop-pop. Blackbeard would have strangled him back. Hope his days of sitting and thinking did him some good!

We get confirmation! Ed can read!

( Also, how did the soldiers know it was a letter between men? Nothing they read says that. It could have been from a woman)

Izzy is famous! More confirmation that he is well known and probably expected Stede to recognize his name and know his captain. The Great Izzy Hands. He has a reputation of his own!

Also omfg is Ed good at fighting! He was facing such a horde of soldiers alone!

The mimic of the dream running to each other scene!

And then blame!

Reality!

Zheng is Still fighting if the English!

Auntie being a mirror of Izzy and admitting that Zheng needed more soft in her life and Auntie was trying to protect her but she can't do soft herself!!! That is putting Izzy's motivation to hate Stede so bluntly!

Izzy sounds amazing in that scene, fierce and defending his crew and strong....and I kinda miss him being cringe-fail. Awkward ineffective little turtle-duck.

Omg Yes! I knew Spanish Jackie would poison them! The poison training is a surprise.

Um, after all of Stede's "we need a plan" the three of them just rushed in there w out a plan?! Really?

They took some blokes UNDERWEAR?! wtf wtf wtf?

Ed actually Noticing Izzy falling behind! Finally.

No no no no no no no no no no no!!!!! He was JUST starting to move beyond Blackbeard! Just starting to enjoy being on the crew, getting friends, rebuilding his connection to Ed!!! No no no no no not fair!!!

Hmm, Buttons landing on Izzy's grave....interesting. Maybe he is magic. Though I still say it would be funnier if he walked off and Ed just didn't notice.

Aw, the wedding! How fitting that the crew does the ceremony. Ed and Stede aren't captains anymore. Though I'm surprised Zheng isn't.

Also, where are the other 19 of Jackie's husband's? If they died...um...she's acting like she has one.

And...ok, weird ending to a pirate show w the main characters not pirating.

[northern-passage]

I watched a video a while back where a high school sprinter talked about how it was unfair on cis-gendered females when transgender females run in the same competition as them, as trans!females who are amab have naturally higher testosterone levels in their bodies and therefore are easily more athletic compared to cis!females. It makes for unfair competition when cis!females cannot have the same physiology as trans!females and therefore have very little chance of beating them. Don't you think it is unfair on those girls who train so much and obtain maximum athleticism possible for their bodies and still lose just because of unfair competition with trans! females? I'm not being transphobic here, and I'm sorry if I do come off as one. But I genuinely want to know if there is a viable solution to this issue. Because it is fairly concerning, tbh.

you do know that like... physical advantages are a part of sports. basketball players that are like 6'5" or taller automatically have an advantage over shorter players. american football players who are bigger than other players are going to have an easier time blocking and tackling. what about runners with longer legs and wider strides? michael phelps and his arms that are longer than he is tall automatically give him an advantage over swimmers with shorter arms. are you going to push back against all his gold medals because it's unfair that he has a natural advantage over everyone else?

you are being transphobic because you're only applying this thinking to trans athletes while ignoring the fact that physical disadvantages are an inherent part of sports. people come in all shapes and sizes and body types and it's going to give them both advantages and disadvantages as athletes in any sport; you will never achieve a "fair playing field" because it doesn't exist.

and this kind of thinking effects more than just trans athletes, but cis athletes as well, particularly women of color who don't adhere to this white supremacist idea of what a "woman" is. what happens when a cis woman has high levels of testosterone? (hint: they disqualify them too) where exactly are you going to draw the line when it comes to it being "unfair"?

this whole argument of "advantages" is honestly bullshit and it really exists solely to target trans women (or any woman that isn't perfectly "feminine") and try to force them out of sports, you just have to look at the difference in qualifications for trans men versus trans women and it becomes painfully clear.

it's absolutely ridiculous in my opinion to act like these rules exist for any other reason than to exclude trans women. at the end of the day that's all it is - no one really cares about unfair advantages until it's about trans women in sports.

you say it's not fair to the cis girls, well what about the trans girls that can't even just have fun and play a sport they love without being harassed and poked and prodded and tested? what about all the time they spent training hard and putting in the work just for it all to be disqualified because it hurt some cis girls feelings?

the solution is to just let trans people play sports.

[petitelepus]

Hello lovely! Could I get a dead by daylight matchup? Could you match me with a killer please, thank you 🥺

I’m non-binary with they/them pronouns <3 I’m pansexual with a preference for males 👉👈

Appearance: I’m 5’6, slightly fluffy right now, but overall strong. I have icy blue eyes, short fluffy hair (originally my hair is dirty blonde/ ginger, but I dye it crazy colours constantly) right now its white & brown. My hairstyle looks very much like Quentin Smith’s. I’m extremely pale, I practically glow in the sunlight. I have a birthmark in the middle of my cheek, and smile lines. My lips are naturally very full and rosy, but my smile is odd and literally goes “w” 😭 I have birthmarks all over actually nvhchfb shh-

Fashion: I wear darker clothes, mostly with a red and black aesthetic. My usual shoes are my black, lace-up doc martens, accompanied with black high waisted jeans and a t-shirt with a design on it or a button-up shirt. I’ll change my style depending on my mood really. My other favourite outfit is of course my boots and jeans then a fluffy lighter coloured sweater like pastel yellow or periwinkle. I’ll wear outfits inspired by characters occasionally!

Hobbies: I enjoy skateboarding, hikes, swimming, reading, listening to music, singing (I’ve been told I’m good at it?), writing, cooking, watching horror movies, videogaming, and doing photography! I spend most of my time with my pets! A dog, cat, and two lizards :D

I’ll sometimes write notes on human anatomy/psychology since I’m a forensics student and its my main interest :)

Personality: I’m naturally very quiet and tend to be shy around strangers. I’m a very caring person, if I see someone get hurt my first instinct will be to see if they’re ok. I’m also very loyal, I’ll be there for my friends and people I love no matter what. I’m very creative, I occupy myself with artistic hobbies and problems are usually easy for me to work through because of it. I can empathise with people quite easily, thats how I make friends very quick! I’m very observant, I find it simple to figure out people’s personalities quickly. Finding someone’s true intentions is never an issue. I’m very polite, even if I don’t find someone particularly pleasing, I won’t be rude to them. Don’t let my outside personality fool you.. I’m quite silly and love to joke around and tease friends! I “revert to being a five year old” once in a while and will get very loud, puppy-like energy. (Sometimes I’ll grab onto my friend’s arms and hide behind them when i’m like this lol). I’ll blabber on for hours about random things and get distracted by a dog or other animal and then have to talk about that hfhfhfb. I’m generally just friendly and will make friends easily.. I’m the one to make friends with the kid who no one talks to 👉👈

The downfalls to my personality? I have horrible social anxiety and have panic attacks around large crowds. Sometimes if I feel like i’m annoying or a bother I become very distant/quiet. I’m very clingy and get distressed if my friends seemingly “ignore me”. I’m super touch starved and will literally beg for hugs or attention from my friends. I can also get a bit temperamental if I get overworked or stressed. I try not to snap at people, and friends know to leave me alone for a bit. (Hugs or tea will fix this issue)

Likes: Animals, music, art, true crime, horror, psychological horror, books, Victorian era styling, Halloween, sweets, sweaters, cuddles!, affection, rain, fall, naps, warm tea, the outdoors, plushies, and wacky earrings.

Dislikes: Hot weather, rude people, being alone for long periods of time, being misunderstood, spicy things, and deep murky waters (other than a pool).

Weird facts: I can name any dog’s breed if you show me a picture :D! I speak Italian. Uhm I squeak when I’m excited lol. I am extremely flexible, and have accidentally scared people like that…

Thats all! Thank you so much and I hope you have a lovely day! <3

I match you with Frank, Julie, Susie, and Joey aka Legion!

Your attire caught Julie's and Susie's attention. You obviously had good taste, and they could tell by how you took care of your hair also. Not to mention, your smile was SO cute, but they couldn't just go and suggest to the guys that they should all secure you merely by your style.

Little did the girls know, the guys had taken notice of your interests. Not only are you cute when you act all shy, but Frank sees potential in you when you rush to save David from the hook and you manage to lift the huge man and patch his shoulder. Joey appreciates the loyalty you show.

You emphasize four of them. Frank how badly he was usually treated in foster homes. Joey came from a rich family but wanted to be a person of his own and not just the heir of a rich family. Julie wanted freedom and a bigger more meaningful life while Susie just wanted the gang to stick together and always be friends.

You see past their walls, lies, and sweet talk so it's hard for Frank to manipulate you, but the rest of the gang just suggests that they should all be honest with you. So when they approach you and ask if you would be interested to be with them, you blink before blushing and asking if you could learn to know them first. Which is totally okay with them.

You're shy, they get it and they do their best not to alarm you. Julie and Susie told the guys to be more sensitive around you, but the young men just laughed and told the girls that you are tougher than you let them see.

These four Killers absolutely LOVE IT when you cling to them in fear or out of shyness. They feel like you trust them.

Frank and Susie are huge dog fans. Frank likes how loyal they and he bonded with this misunderstood Pitbull in one of his foster families. Sadly, he had to move to another home and leave the dog he bonded with behind. Susie loves cute dogs, but her taste is a little funny. Not everyone thinks Bull Terriers are that cute as she says they are.

They love watching old horror movies with you, because you tend to analyze the killers or ghosts or demons and it's honestly fun for them to hear your take on things.

[nozomijoestar]

Some words on KumiRei since I’m in another Hibike renaissance and can give time to how I feel I don’t agree 100% with any major camps on how its perceived in the anime though I do consider it romantic 

First off I believe KumiRei is not only romantic as a WLW, but both characters are aware of this romantic nature they don’t show anyone else, they are not in full denial nor are they just friends- instead its a complex weave of the two, and they act accordingly

Neither do I believe either is heterosexual but rather Bisexual (Reina) and questioning Lesbian (Kumiko)

I’m drawing from deeply personal experience on it which is part of why I think this way regarding them so in saying that I think the issue is people are too used to formulas when viewing media, if A is seen as true then it must lead to B then C and maybe D and so on, but while I’ve been guilty of the same I think that’s a limiting way to view/engage with art, love doesn’t have to follow the old They confess, Everything is fine in the end, They get married, They have babies etc. path

There’s nothing wrong with liking that concept but when you fixate on holding something to a rigid standard of expectations, then you’re missing other perspectives and bigger pictures, you’re kinda locking yourself away from accepting life is made of lives not just your own, experiences not just your own, and how you choose to deal with those lives and yours (See only the tree, miss the forest and so on)

Hibike! is a show dedicated to human interpretation and expression in all of its characters and their intricate relationships so applying formulas to it to me is inherently missing the point to paint it as something its not trying to be (and reading it as strictly heterosexual is ignorance of an lgbt perspective)

All of that out the way and being said, every Kumiko and Reina interaction is a progression of romance that has the complication of being between two girls in a contemporary setting; every word, every silence, every touch or look is framed as openness for two people who’s entire foundation is struggling to find a place among humanity and peers and even initially toward each other, they have a defined separation between how they see themselves as together, as one, with a completeness they show others only in shades, so that every gesture they make as people with others has consideration they practiced and established first between each other, they are the genesis for a measure of each other’s overall humanity

Kumiko shoots higher because she sees Reina live it; Reina humbles her pride for empathy because she saw Kumiko try it, the list goes on and has been said by many- Kumiko is Kumiko near Reina and Reina is Reina near Kumiko, no gimmicks no tricks no hung up reservations on trust like there is with others, they simply are together and that is so hard to achieve, to be understood

People get caught up on Reina’s unreciprocated (thank god jsdifsj Edit: i rewatched the scene where Kumiko tells Reina she's rooting for her after learning Taki's wife died and I love the sentiment but that's still fuckin gross and I'd really like the entire Taki crush situation squashed completely in S3 whatever form it takes- I get they're teenagers so they don't know better and that kinda thing does happen (I know from personal experience even) but it's still wrong) feelings for Taki-sensei as they do the Shūichi + Kumiko situation then think that means KyoAni has no concept of homosexuality for not depicting the expected formula cishet couples (and Yuri as an exploitative genre) depict rather than remember that for now and for most including myself lgbt relationships are not part of the accepted normal and so can't be compared nor should they be expected to integrate in the exact same way to be valid- and Kumiko and Reina themselves seem to operate on knowing this which lends them an air of sadness to a degree because they can't (for Kumiko and her CompHet/Side that dislikes upsetting people which I feel lead her to accept then leave Shūichi's romantic interest even more so because in the end being in love with him isn't who she is and walking away there is growth on her part) be their entire selves and act in more intimate ways on their homosexuality than they already are

They know their closeness is special to them, their attraction is special, they know it's not how they treat other friends, and they know by how they keep treating each other that it's a level of romance especially in the way they say This is a confession of love not just in having said such a thing, they're not in denial enough to stop being as they are together but they are struggling to reconcile and build on how they see their other relationships which includes the men in their life and social expectation given their lgbt sides in their identities, not just because the series treats them as people but because they're teenagers (I feel like people forget they're kids all the time), and no teenager ever has all of themselves sorted out at their age even more than most adults, teens should be allowed to safely explore what the hell the world and other people mean for them to discover themselves and that's what I think is happening

When I was their age I didn't consciously realize my best friend was the love of my life since we were 11 in my eyes because of denial and fear to act on it or take a chance on my intensity being reciprocated, instead I loved her more than I loved myself while still having crushes and being in love with other girls all the time- even as she and I had what I felt was the same level of intimacy, love, and openness, we even entertained the idea of growing up to live together and it was only as an adult that I finally looked back and saw what she told me she already knew about me being in love

Reina and Kumiko canonically mull over the idea that they'd be separated as time goes on, and I think the observation shouldn't be When will they be a couple but rather They're too scared of going all the way as a couple for life to pull the rug from under them, they are for now in love and guarding it, preserving it with the last bit of distance they possess in themselves, and the question is when will they be comfortable enough to not need that fear

Human relationships are complicated and multilayered and can never be fully defined by set order and if the show accepts that then it's how I want to see it

[zishustits]

oooooh ship bingo! i recently heard about these two concepts and would love to hear your take: ye baiyi and lan xichen, and xie'er and lan xichen <3

Oohhh okay, first I have to say I'm not actually into crossovers BUT let's forget about that for a little bit, these concepts are interesting.

First, Ye Baiyi and Lan Xichen. Let's see what they have in common.

They are both high skilled cultivators, very relevant figures in their respective societies.

They share common values such as righteousness, compassion, honor, service without waiting for anything in return, even kindness (more explicit in Lan Xichen).

They are not rigid in their principles though. Both acknowledge that most of the times you cannot judge a person as bad or good, nor a situation as black or white. They have struggled with it sometimes (i.e. Ye Baiyi considering whether he should kill Wen Kexing or not after knowing he's the chief of Ghost Valley, while also being aware of the difficult circumstances that led him to become that evil figure, which are indirectly related to YBY as Rong Xuan was his disciple. Also Lan Xichen caught between the evidence that Meng Yao has committed very wrong deeds and the kindness he has known from him)

Both have lost their loved ones forever.

Both have a tendency for retirement and solitude.

Apart from that, LXC has this noble and respectable aura that makes people feel calm and reassured when he's around, like if there's any problem it's okay, LXC probably knows how to solve it, he's diplomatic, also he will protect his people from danger, always keeping that composed calmness that's inherent to him (even if there's inner turmoil).

Now I consider, Ye Baiyi is very similar too, think of those scenes in the first episodes of WoH, when he gave Gao Chong the token of honor, then at the second Heroes Conference when everyone turned to him as a guide for what to do with the Ghost Valley issue, and also when WKX and ZZS fell from the bridge Cheng Ling felt reassured having YBY to help him. People feel relieved when he's around to lead them and solve problems.

So now, if LXC and YBY met I think they'd be a good match, like they would sense the similarities of their souls, especially the influence they have on others, now I can't find the words, but it's related to the righteousness and the high moral values and elevated cultivation they have achieved. Also they would perceive the isolation that comes with being far from the mortal realm for so long (for Ye Baiyi) and with being an important figure of the cultivation society that also has lost someone who was very important to him (in the case of LXC).

I believe they'd connect easily, like oh I recognize you, you are similar to me. And also they would enjoy learning from each other, YBY has reached the most elaborated martial arts skills and LXC is outstanding in musical cultivation (or whatever name it is). They see each other as equals and no one feels less than the other.

However, I think Ye Baiyi would break all of the Lan rules XD and be upset all the time, like why can't I just sit on the roofs at night to watch the stars while drinking alcohol? But as LXC is the Gusu leader (I think? Can't remember what he was at the end of The Untamed) and he is far from strict as LQR was, he would ignore it. In fact, I think he knows most of the rules are outdated and unnecessary, so they just keep following the rules that are actually related to master one's discipline, being righteous, respecting your elders and seniors and being kind to your sworn brothers and so on.

They might cultivate together. Keep each other company even as they are just sitting there in meditative contemplation or just enjoying the silence. Talk about ancient knowledge.

As for the type of relationship, I don't actually think it would be of romantic or sexual nature, like they were devoted to one partner in the past (probably more platonically than anything, at least on YBY part) and seem to me the kind of people that does not engage with anyone else after his companion has died, at least in the same way, like sometimes it's hard to reach the same level of deep connection with someone else. That doesn't mean they could not forge a close relationship, but to me it's not the same vibe as xiyao or rongye (or whatever the name of this ship is).

Following the bingo classification, I'd say Best friends, or Qplatonic at most. Also I'm intrigued to know what other kind of relationship people think they could develop. If you want to share with me, I'd love to know your ideas!!

Okay, probably for the next one I'll try to write less because I realized how long this is getting (it's just a bingo, please brain!!!), and I should finish some college stuff buut it's not less interesting to me I swear!!

So Xie'er and LXC. First, I think LXC would be aware of the good that's in Xie'er and his potential, mostly his inexhaustible willpower and determination, which have been until now directed towards, let's say, flawed goals? All that energy and intelligence wasted on another man's dream. It's unacceptable!!

The principal thing that comes to my mind and that struck me since Xie'er first appeared was the he seems to know who is everyone, like he saw ZZS and WKX together for the first time and he thought, why are the former leader of the Window of Heaven and the chief of Ghost Valley together wtf? While everyone else was like oh, two righteous wanderers, never heard of them before. Xie'er clearly knows how to obtain the right information, he has the mind of a researcher, and that could be put to good use.

Also Xie'er knows a lot about venoms and their antidotes, is that not another relevant and useful skill he has??? Again here, he is a researcher, as for instance he discovered the cure to the Meng Po soup was Drunk like a dream. Furthermore, he probably knows a lot about survival, hiding, disguising himself, being a shadow amongst shadows, fighting (especially dirty tricks), and leadership skills. He also has some knowledge on magic tricks (with the Drug men) that could be the simile to demonic cultivation.

All this knowledge and abilities could be put to good use, not to achieve other's goals, but to help people, for example, finding a cure to their poisoning or demonic possession (or whatever), instructing others on different facts that could be useful if they need to hide from a threat, survive in the wild for some time, coming alive from a fight with a nasty opponent an so on.

I mean, I haven't mentioned LXC until now but let's assume he is aware of everything about Xie'er's skills that I have described. Also, he realizes Xie'er has a good soul, it's something you can see right away if you spend a minimum of time with him. He has shown it with actions too, for instance, when he released Liu Qian Qiao and his lover, also that scene after the battle at mount Qingya (I'm still crying about Cao Wei Ning and Gu Xiang, my poor babies ;~;) when he left WKX and ZZS go (although he had a sword to his neck gssbsbsbsb), and of course everything he did for Zhao Jing, out of his love and affection for him.

Okay, he has done bad deeds, but he has kindness in him. A kindness that has not actually been nurtured but has developed there anyways. He has a tendency to serve others, that we see mostly with his yifu. Those are important values that might be developed and focused to actions that make an improvement on people's lives, and probably on Xie'er's own.

And LXC is determined to do that. Like he sees Xie'er's efforts to serve others because it's something that comes naturally out of him, but realizes it needs to be properly acknowledged as no one has done that before (we only got to see him do things for his yifu, who rarely showed any gratefulness for it, and only this time with Qian Qiao she almost got to say something nice to him, but Xie'er turned away swiftly, like he is not used to receive positive feedback on his good actions at all, so probably it's not something that he feels comfortable with).

I believe LXC would nurture this good side of Xie'er, praising those little (and bigger) services he does for others, which would act as a positive reinforcement. Also he would show interest in Xie'er's skills, and what he does in his free time (like no one has shown some interest in this before?), as well as his emotional state and stuff. Showing that he genuinely cares about him. That he appreciates Xie'er for who he is.

Also he would encourage him to persevere on those abilities he has and teach others, maybe the Lan disciples. So Xie'er would see that his skills can be used for some other things that are not killing or trying to become the king of the world.

As for Xie'er, he would grow to like LXC, finally finding someone who really cares about him, knowing for the first time in his life what it is to be seen and appreciated by someone who does not expect nothing from him in return. Learning that he deserves to be loved that way (and I don't necessarily mean romantically).

And that he does not need to kill for others anymore. He can become the person he wants to be, not what others want to get from him. LXC would show him he can do good deeds and they will be appreciated, even if he's doing it for others is something he inherently has done before, it nurtures his soul. He needs to experience more of that. And LXC would encourage it. He is patient, he is kind, he rarely lashes out, he has predictable reactions unlike his yifu (I mean, when Xie'er did something to please him but sometimes he would react nicely and many others he wouldn't, let's ignore if his actions were morally correct or not, the fact is Zhao Jing would respond differently to similar things).

Also Xie'er is able to discern what's good and what's harmful, and I believe that given he could choose freely, without thinking is this what my Yifu would do, he would be inclined to do the good thing. LXC encourages that.

Okay, I will not elaborate more, probably I've even been redundant several times. This relationship would definitely be great for Xie'er, for him to learn what is a healthy bond and to grow as a person.

But I don't think it would develop into a romantic or sexual kind of relationship. It just don't give me those vibes. LXC and Xie'er have different backgrounds, LXC is a sect leader and devoted to cultivation, Xie'er is the leader of a shady assassin organization and has developed other kinds of abilities.

Dunno, I don't feel them like equals, as it feels with YBY and LXC, for them the cultivation/martial arts skills are one of the main pillars of their lives and it's something they can share together, LXC and Xie'er are way too different. There might be some power imbalance too, and LXC would be somewhat taking care of Xie'er and not quite the opposite? (save from those little services Xie'er would do for him). Well, this is not probably a good reason because I like some ships with power imbalances too.

But I mean, they just don't click to me as a couple at least. More like a teacher/student relationship perhaps, or a friendship at most. Perhaps I just can't ship it any other way because of my strugglr with crossovers, but with YBY and LXC it was clearer to me that, well, it could be possible.

I'd love to know your takes on these two concepts too, whether you talk to me directly or in a post!!

@goldensprite

[abbybubbls]

Nothing is Wrong, Doc, Trust Me

    “Thank you for coming here today,” Dr. Iplier said, in his spot on the table. Dark just sat down on their spot, seeing that the rest of the seats were empty.

    “It’s… just me,” Dark awkwardly said.

    “I know,” Iplier replied, smiling for a second before having a serious face. “We need to talk about Wilford.”

Just at the tone of his voice, Dark knew that this had to be one of those conversations.

    “What about him,” Dark asked flatly. “He seems perfectly normal to me.”

This was usually Dark’s go-to sentence; something quick and dismissive, which would get rid of something quickly without much thought. Sure, Dark would say it whenever the topic of Wilford is brought up, but nobody has really caught onto it yet.

    “That’s what you say all the time,” the doctor said. Well, shit. “There’s no other way to put it, but Wilford is not normal. In fact, he’s the most… mentally unstable person I’ve ever met. And I’ve met a bunch of wackos ever since we came here.”

Dark frowned.

    “I don’t see how you think he’s worse than anyone else,” they said.

    “No, I don’t suppose you would,” Iplier replied, scratching his chin. “I was able to meet up with him a few days ago, and… well, I think you may need to see this.”

The doctor pulled out a piece of paper from underneath the table, and slid it in front of Dark.

---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----

Name: Wilford Warfstache (that can’t be his real name…)

Birth date: 11/9/????

Age: ???

Hair: Black

Eyes: Hazel (with a hint of pink?)

Height: 5’10

Weight: ???

Other: Pink handlebar mustache, no idea if it’s dyed - Forgets to wear pants most of the time - Carries a knife and gun everywhere, even when nothing bad is happening.

Story: Something bad enough to make him like this, I’m sure…

Now: A TV show host, even though he’s killed multiple guests… Talks to Dark… a lot. A hopeless romantic. Cheerful, friendly, but can be intimidating when he doesn’t know he is. Dismissive over time, and pops in and out of nowhere when we least expect it. Everybody suspects he has no laws of physics. He causes trouble when he says it was an accident, or he’s dismissive of it. He takes certain things too seriously, and ends up getting himself in trouble for it. Spontaneously shoots in random directions and excuses it for “target practice”. Can get very violent and easily offended. Mood swings, random violence, gun and knife handling, random bursts of singing… possibly more than that.

Likes: Dark (literally the first thing that came to his mind), fidget toys, TV, collecting weapons, vintage clothing, helping, storytelling, dancing, colors, music, straws for drinks, creativity, distractions, Bubbles™, himself

Dislikes: Interruptions, feeling alone, sitting still, too much detail, loud people, losing motivation, being lied to, smoke, thunderstorms, himself (???)

Diagnoses: Anxiety, Astraphobia, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Autophobia, Mania, Memory Loss, Schizophrenia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Treatments: Will talk to Dark about it. Medication, therapy, or both.

---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----

Dark paused for a while after reading the paper.

    “You’re actually serious,” they said, staring at the doctor.

    “Dead,” he crossed his arms. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed what’s been going on with Wilford lately. He’s been very trigger happy this past year.”

    “He’s always trigger happy,” Dark said. “He just needs a reminder every once in a while to stay out of trouble.”

    “He almost shot Captain Magnum over choosing a song for Yancy’s karaoke party!” Iplier exclaimed, but trying to keep his voice down.

    “And?” Dark asked. “Magnum is a pirate, he’s been through worse. He lost his legs for crying out loud.”

    “He shot multiple guests on his show!”

    “He didn’t mean any of it. It was an accident every time.”

    “He almost killed our creator!”

    “Mark insulted him, he deserved it.” Dark almost sneered by saying Mark’s name, even though they knew it wasn’t the right Mark… probably.

    “He ignores his problems and blows those stupid Bubbles™ everywhere!”

    “Wilford needs a good distraction. Besides, he said those things solve all of life’s problems, why stop him?”

    “Because-!” Iplier tried not to raise his voice. Instead, he tugged at his head mirror. “Why do you always have to defend him when there are clear issues?”

    “Because Wilford has no idea what he’s doing,” Dark said, plain and simple. “He told me so. I see an innocence in that, so it’s justified, right?”

The doctor stuttered. “I- you- he- no! No, it’s not!”

Dark’s eyes narrowed, and Iplier stood up from his seat.

    “Dark, I know that you have the best intentions with him,” he said. “But you need to recognize that there are so many things wrong with Wilford! He’s traumatized for God’s sake!”

    “Wilford is fine,” Dark said through gritted teeth.

    “Have you read the paper?!” Iplier asked loudly. “It’s right in front of you!”

Dark didn’t bother to look down at the paper in front of them. “I don’t care what a piece of paper says about Will.”

    “I wrote it all myself,” Iplier said, pointing an accusing finger. “Papers don’t write themselves down.”

    “He is innocent,” Dark almost growled under their breath. “You’re lying.”

    “Dark, I’m a professional!” Iplier exclaimed. “I notice when somebody is acting unnatural, and Wilford is anything but natural!”

Dark tried not to clench their fists. “He is when he’s with me. He tells me anything and everything. Wilford is happy.”

    “I’m not stupid, Dark,” Iplier said. “I see the way you are with him, and it’s clear that you really want him to be safe. If you really care about him, why don’t you just do something about it?”

Dark breathed in. They wanted to scream. They wanted to punch a hole through the wall. Instead, they kept their voice calm and steady.

    “I’m doing what I’m doing because I know him the most,” they said. “I’ve already done so much to make sure that Wilford is alright. He’s too far gone to even try to get professional help, even from someone like you. It’s the best I can do right now.”

Iplier’s shoulders slumped. He looked like he was at a loss for words, as if Dark had won this argument. The corner of Dark’s lips crept up to make a smile, but they paused as the doctor opened his mouth. Dark quickly interrupted.

    “If you’re going to suggest we’ll go ‘Of Mice and Men’ on him, that for sure is not going to work. Wilford is far too clever to fall for something like that.”

Iplier froze, with his mouth agape. “I wasn’t going to suggest that at all.”

    “It wouldn’t matter anyway,” Dark rested their chin on their hand, looking down at the table. “He’ll always get back up.”

The doctor looked like he was at a loss for words again until he glanced to the desk at the other side of the room. Wilford’s gun resided there, right next to the TV remote. Iplier froze, having no idea if it was there the whole time he and Dark were talking.

    “Wilford left his gun here,” he said.

    “I know,” Dark replied with their eyes closed. “I’ll give it to him once I see him.”

Iplier turned to them. “He killed people with that thing.”

    “I know,” Dark repeated, quietly. “To him, it doesn’t matter. He’ll forget anyway.”

    “Then give him more reminders,” Iplier said, sitting back down in his seat.

Dark kept a glaring look at the doctor. “What?”

    “Give him more reminders,” he repeated. “Make sure he does something he’s supposed to do; drink water, take vitamins, when it’s time to eat, having time away from weapons, going outside, all that…”

    “Wilford is not a child,” Dark said, almost bitterly.

Iplier defensively put up a hand. “I know that, but just… give him some kind of schedule. At least something to give Wilford something that affects him mentally in a healthy way. Teach him grounding, suggest he goes to therapy…”

    “He already goes to the Host for that,” Dark said matter-of-factly.

    “The Host isn’t a therapist,” Iplier replied. “He’s a radio host, it’s literally in his name. He knows a thing or two about mental health, but he’s not a professional.”

He shook his head to quickly change the subject. “Look, the point is, just give him a new routine so he can have something to look forward to. Something that’s positive, and won’t be so dangerous. It can’t be that bad for him.”

Dark exhaled slowly, as if releasing an angry ghost from their nostrils. “Alright… I don’t like it, but you may be right.”

They eyed at the gun across the room.

    “Thank you very much, Dark,” Iplier said, standing up from his seat. “I know this isn’t a very fun topic for you, but I just wanted to address some concerns.”

Dark silently pursed their lips. “You’re welcome.”

The doctor nodded goodbye with a small smile, and nudged the paper closer to Dark before he turned to leave the room.

Dark sat still in their seat, staring at the TV screen. Then the gun. Then the paper.

---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----

Diagnoses: Anxiety, Astraphobia, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Autophobia, Mania, Memory Loss, Schizophrenia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----

Dark’s mind was blank as they read the list of diagnoses over and over and over again. Mental health issues, Wilford has always had them. His brain just works differently because of them. Not better, but different. Dark was pretty sure that Wilford would be aware that his problems would be a bigger deal to other people than to himself.

Wilford would get in trouble, apologize or dismiss the problem, and go on about his day. None of it would really be a big deal, right? It was just something that happened, just another thing to be anxious about. Wilford was only human, after all, and humans make mistakes…

Still, it’s not a bad idea to have some type of safe routine, for Wilford, and for everybody. It can’t hurt to try. They’re just rules, like no shooting indoors. It’s not even a real punishment; it’s just grounding. It doesn’t have to be so bad.

Dark pondered to themselves… There was that one ukulele that Wilford kept begging for that one time he and Dark went on a walk around the town. Now that Dark thought about it, they could get that for Wilford the next time they go out. It’s something that Wilford wanted. It’s a positive thing to look forward to, at least.

---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----

SO! I wrote this a few weeks ago, and I wanted to make a series with this, but then I quickly lost motivation and decided to keep this as a oneshot. This is a new headcanon of mine where Dark and Dr. Iplier befriend each other by keeping Wilford in check in terms of his mental health.

I hope you enjoyed reading this! Reblogs and likes are always appreciated! 💗

[turtle-paced]

A:tLA Re-Watch: Fine-Toothed Comb Edition

Warning for a heavy episode. This brightly-coloured family show full of optimists and strange critters has a setting built on a genocide.

Book 1, Chapter 3 - The Southern Air Temple

(0:55) Previously on Avatar, Katara and Sokka found Aang in an iceberg. They realised he was there for a hundred years, making him the last known airbender. Katara and Aang decide to go to the North Pole to learn waterbending, Zuko in pursuit.

(1:43) The establishing shot here tells us that we’ve come a decent distance from the South Pole already. There’s no ice in sight.

(1:50) However, Katara is still in a thick winter coat. Partly this has got to be because she doesn’t have other clothing. This is still worth keeping track of, as the recurring cast often change their outfits (according to the weather and cultural demands), usually while keeping the same general ‘look’. There are, however, exceptions.

(1:59) Katara gently tries to manage Aang’s expectations. She still has more information than Aang does about recent history, but what she says here in the face of Aang’s excitement is, “A lot can change in all that time.” This episode will get into showing us the double-edged nature of Katara’s greatest virtue and deepest flaw. Which, in the tradition of many excellent characters (and definitely in keeping with the main cast of the entire series), is the same character trait.

Meanwhile, poor Aang. What an optimist he is - his reaction to learning that he woke up a hundred years in the future is to race home and see how everything’s changed, because it might be really cool and he wants to show his home off to his new friends! In some ways it’s really easy to look past how well Aang handles waking up a hundred years in the future. He’s not openly preoccupied by the fact that it’s likely that everyone he knew and loved is dead, but concentrating on the good stuff he has right this minute.

Like Katara, Aang’s greatest flaw is an extension of his greatest virtue. Aang is fantastic at focusing on the here and now, on the positives of his situation, on keeping his spirits up. Though as we’ll see, this is vitally important in how he stands up under incredible pressures, we’ll also see him ignore real and potential problems coming down the track. Like right here, when despite knowing how shocked everyone was to see an airbender, he ignores Katara’s hint that he’s not going to like what he finds here.

(2:17) Sokka is definitely a teenage boy. Lots of sleep and lots of food required.

(2:27) “There’s a prickle snake in your sleeping bag!” What I’m taking from this is that the fauna of Avatar world was still a work in progress at this point, because they’re not talking about echidna-snakes or porcu-snakes or hedgehog-snakes.

(2:36) We pan over a shipyard full of clearly Fire Navy ships. Even before the details of the flag come in view, there’s the industrialisation, there’s that harsh colour palette, there are those spiky, spiky ships. Plus there’s the horn. The production team is training us to associate these things with Fire Nation.

(2:39) Then the pan across hits Zuko’s ship. This is some brilliant recontextualising of the threat Zuko posed in the previous two episodes. The ships in dock at this timestamp are to Zuko’s ship what Zuko’s ship was to Katara, Sokka, and Aang last episide. It’s also visibly more battered than the others. Yet Zuko is a prince! Three seconds, not a word spoken, and the show’s visually raised some questions about Zuko’s relationship to his nation’s war effort.

Also worth mentioning is the fact that in this episode, Zuko’s ship is a noticeably lighter shade than Zhao’s black metal fleet. Still the bad guys, but that one’s a solid tip that Zuko is the less bad guy. Combined with the aforementioned beat-up ship, this recontextualises Zuko himself. Katara later says that when she thought of the face of the enemy, it’s Zuko she thought of - but the viewer’s got more information than she does, and can see he’s not the operator of the war machine.

(2:48) Zuko orders Iroh not to discuss the Avatar in Fire Nation territory, thus indicating for us that the Fire Nation characters are not all working together for the same goals.

(3:00) “Captain Zhao.” “It’s Commander now.” Another quality introduction! Zuko’s address of Zhao by the incorrect rank shows he’s out of the loop. Zhao’s correction shows us the upwards movement and the importance of his own power to him, the pleasure he takes in this emphasised by the acting. Five words!

The show follows this up by giving some context on Iroh. Zhao greets Iroh as a general and “great hero” of the nation, but where pretty much the first thing out of Zhao’s mouth was “Commander Zhao,” Iroh says that he’s retired, deflecting the praise of his previous career. Zhao also helpfully exposits that Iroh is the Fire Lord’s brother, so we’re clear that Iroh is Zuko’s paternal relation. We haven’t had the same signalling that the Fire Nation is patriarchal that we’ve had with the Water Tribes thus far (we haven’t actually seen a female Fire Nation character yet, and won’t for a while), so it’s still a little hard to know where Iroh stands vis-a-vis inheritance.

(3:10) Zhao refers to the harbour as his harbour. While it saves the writers having to come up with a disposable place name, it again goes to indicate Zhao’s possessiveness of authority.

(3:21) In something that will eventually provide an excellent contrast with Azula, Zuko shows himself to be a terrible liar. Iroh’s not much better. Not in this situation. Man can keep his secrets, but I suspect the real secret is never being asked difficult questions.

(3:47) A rare instance of Iroh hauling Zuko up short and flat up telling him what to do. Show respect. A bigger deal once you know Zuko got a fireball to the face for being disrespectful/‘disrespectful’ in a meeting with military figures. However, given that Zhao controls the harbour, probably necessary for Iroh to step in.

(4:10) Sokka complains about a lack of food supplies. We don’t always need to know where the gAang is getting food, because the show reliably brings up supplies when they’re an issue. We’ll also see this as an issue more in season one, when Katara and Sokka are still getting used to travelling. By the time we hit season three, the group is much more confident in their ability to secure supplies even in areas they don’t know well.

On top of this, Aang’s use of Sokka’s jerky as kindling is the first part of the understated running gag that Aang just does not like Southern Water Tribe cuisine. Vegetarianism aside.

(4:40) Katara gets a bit more blunt about what’s likely at the Southern Air Temple. This is the first mention of the fact that Katara and Sokka’s as-yet-unnamed mother was killed in a Fire Nation raid. Remarkably for a kids’ show, they actually say that Kya was killed and discuss the fact that the Fire Nation might have killed all the airbenders.

For Aang’s part, this is a bit repetitive, but the new info about Katara’s family situation keeps the plot and character development moving along.

(4:58) At the same time, for all the flack he gets about being naive, Aang’s rebuttal isn’t “people wouldn’t be so cruel!”, he’s arguing that the Air Temples are literally inaccessible without airbending in some form and that therefore death on the scale Katara thinks might have taken place is logistically impossible.

(5:20) The setting design in this series is amazing, and the Southern Air Temple is actually kind of meh by the series’ later standards (Western Air Temple is where it’s at, IMO). That said, you wonder how much pre-war architecture outside the North and South Poles was a joint effort between different types of benders. In a really nice detail, you can see the airball field from this shot.

(5:36) “And by year’s end, the Earth Kingdom capital will be under our rule.” Zhao implicitly puts the series on a timetable here, even before we get the details. 

Tellingly, when we pan out, Zuko is not engaged in this assessment. He’s literally got his back turned. He’s doing bad things for bad reasons, but it’s not naked imperialism fuelling his determination. We’ll get into what Zuko thinks about the war effort a bit more in season two, when he starts actually thinking about the Fire Nation’s war, more critically and carefully than he expresses in his next line.

In the meantime, a) it’s the height of privilege that Zuko can turn his back on this and b) I do wonder if Zuko’s criticism of his father here wasn’t some early instalment weirdness, with the writers not having quite nailed down the dynamics between Zuko and his parental figures.

(5:48) “Two years at sea have done little to temper your tongue.” So! First, more timeline for us. Second, the implication here is that Zuko was known to be outspoken. Imprudently outspoken.

(6:03)  Once again Zuko can’t lie very well, but unlike that moment when he was just getting off the ship, this isn’t played for laughs. Zuko can’t lie very well, and that’s serious. Also, Zhao confirms the Air Nomad genocide over here in the B-plot, while over in the A-plot we’re still waiting for that painful shoe to drop. Builds tension - it’s not just Katara’s suspicions anymore, but straight from the mouth of a Fire Nation commander.

(6:19) Can’t help but notice that Zhao is a firm believer in the Avatar’s power. The man has done his spirit research.

(6:23) “If you have an ounce of loyalty left, you’ll tell me what you found.” More implications that Zuko is not perceived to be totally on board with broader Fire Nation goals. If he was, why would his loyalty be in question?

(6:38) Zhao halts Zuko here as his men report that they interrogated Zuko’s own soldiers offscreen. So this entire thing was never about how well Zuko could lie, but Zhao giving Zuko enough rope to hang himself. Zhao ends up being lower stakes and lower competence compared to the endgame villains, but man, even now, the villains of this show do not mess around.

(7:06) Speaking of early-instalment weirdness, not sure the writers worked out quite what to do with Sokka this episode. He’s basically a running gag in this episode, almost entirely lacking in depth and nuance. Almost entirely - I’ll point out those moments when we get to them.

(7:22) For all Aang believed his people might be alive, he can’t deny the emptiness of the temple.

(7:33) There we go! There’s the depth from Sokka that repeated “I’m hungry” gags don’t get through. Sokka sees that Aang is depressed, and asks a question about something Aang genuinely enjoys. Followed by the cut to Aang thoroughly kicking Sokka’s ass at a sport designed for airbenders.

(7:53) Sokka let Aang kick his ass at an airbending sport for seven rounds.

(8:06) More nuance from Sokka as he and Katara find evidence of Fire Nation soldiers on temple grounds. He says that he and Katara should tell Aang, but when Katara decides otherwise, he doesn’t overrule her and force the confrontation. He respects that Katara’s got the better relationship with Aang. At the same time, his call-out of her failure to tell Aang is a pretty gentle one that recognises why she doesn’t want to tell him.

This is what I mean by Katara’s greatest strength also being one of her most severe character flaws. She’s so driven to help and protect the people she cares about - but this occasionally veers into being overprotective.

(8:49) Sokka continues to argue that Katara should tell Aang after the cut. Goes to show some of the differences between the siblings. Katara puts her friend’s feelings first, Sokka prioritises truth and facts. Handled badly, I’m sure we can all see how this could be extremely sexist storytelling. 

Here, though, the story appreciates that the harsh truth of what happened to the Air Nomads is unimaginably harsh, and should be broken appropriately. Aang needs to know the truth, and Aang deserves emotional consideration for the impact of that truth. Katara’s not wrong to be sensitive about a sensitive subject; she’s just wrong in taking that last step in lying by omission.

(8:57) Aang introduces Monk Gyatso via statue, so we have some idea of Aang’s family situation. Note the outfit.

(9:06) Cut from the solemn and wise statue to Gyatso imparting important cake-baking airbending techniques to Aang. These are some priorities I can get behind. And frankly you can see the similarity between the teacher who uses airbending to help with baking, to Aang who uses airbending to get bison snot out of clothes. Practical, everyday use.

(9:22) “The only mistake [the monks] made was telling you before you turned sixteen.” More implications! Aang was told about being the Avatar very young. Reasoning left obscure. It’s also giving some texture to the Air Nomads; they’re not idealised, but capable of making ordinary human mistakes right off the bat.

(9:29) “We must act on what is,” Monk Gyatso says, which is also clearly something else Aang took to heart. The pan over the Southern Air Temple as it was a hundred years ago is also pretty heartbreaking, with all the greenery, and the bison, and the people.

(9:47) Next plot flag, guide for Aang in the inner sanctuary.

(10:08) I strongly disapprove of wasted cake. Though as we see, Gyatso was trying to maintain Aang’s sense of fun and improve his aim, both of which are legitimate goals.

(10:54) Aaaaand Sokka’s back to being a food joke.

(11:58) More hints at Zuko’s status given that Commander Zhao feels pretty safe calling the Fire Lord’s son pathetic.

(12:10) This gives us another layer of complexity in Zuko’s plot this season. He’s now competing with Zhao to find the Avatar. More than that, he’s the underdog here, compared to the much better resourced Zhao.

This is some vital positioning to maintain audience engagement in the heel part of Zuko’s slow heel-face-turn, where the risk is people turning off Zuko as he does bad things for bad reasons. We don’t meet Zhao from Aang, Katara, and Sokka’s point of view, where he’d be pretty similar to Zuko in some important ways. We meet Zhao from Zuko’s PoV, so we’re clear on how Zuko is better by comparison, and so we barrack for Zuko to continue to show those better qualities.

(12:30) In a rare background detail failure, not many of these Avatar statues appear to depict female Avatars.

(13:07) A characterisation detail for Aang I like. Upon realising that every statue here depicts one of his past lives, he doesn’t appear to feel it as an oppressive weight - no, he treats it as a Cool Thing. 

Meanwhile, Sokka doesn’t believe in reincarnation. While hanging out with the Avatar.

(13:21) Our first look at Roku. (Next to him, it’s Very Definitely Not Kyoshi. Early instalments!)

(13:31) And the exposition! Now we know who it was vanished from that spire in the intro.

(13:45) The show frames Aang’s knowledge of Roku’s name as a sign of their connection, past life to reincarnation. Personally, I would have thought that especially in Aang’s time, people would have been quite likely to know the name of the previous Avatar. Given that Katara and Sokka were both born a hundred odd years after Roku died, and grew up in a very isolated place, I can believe that they wouldn’t have known Roku’s name.

(14:00) Even in the middle of the Southern Air Temple, the kids immediately hide when they hear footsteps and see a shadow, assuming it’s a firebender approaching. That’s how cautious they are already.

(14:17) Introducing Momo!

(15:23) What starts riling Zuko up here is Zhao treating him as inconsequential. Kid covers up his deep-seated self-worth issues by insisting on the external validation.

(15:33) Aside from Zhao emphasising the disparity in his and Zuko’s respective resources, Zhao also tells us that Zuko is formally banished.

(15:38) But then Zhao gets to the heart of Zuko’s issues. “Your own father doesn’t even want you.” We’ve seen this episode that Zuko’s got the one battered little ship. We know from the previous episodes that Zuko needs to capture the Avatar, and heard his desire to return home. Now we get the concrete info that Zuko’s dad kicked him out.

Again, this is all important in setting up Zuko’s long arc. This kid is being treated horribly by a representative of his own nation. The viewers are already being given reasons not to want to see Zuko defeated, but to want him to get out.

(15:47) When Zuko maintains that his father will welcome him home with honour if he just captures the Avatar, Zhao immediately undermines that idea by telling Zuko that if his father really wanted him, he’d’ve just rescinded the banishment without conditions. He’s Fire Lord, he can do that. This is another case of both sides being right here! Ozai does eventually welcome Zuko home with honour for ‘killing the Avatar’ - but by then Zuko’s got an inkling that Ozai’s acceptance is 100% conditional, and his father does not truly want Zuko back or care for him as a person. Because if he did care about Zuko as a person, he’d never have done any of the things he did in Zuko’s backstory.

(16:01) Zhao says that Zuko’s scar proves he’s a failure and a disgrace. Details left out. It’s enough to connect Zuko’s scar with his banishment, though.

(16:07) The introduction of Agni Kai, which is clearly a duel.

(16:17) Iroh asks Zuko if he remembers the last time he challenged a master. Zuko replies in the affirmative as we pan from the unscarred side of his face to the scarred side. Again, implications. Combined with Zhao’s earlier comments about Zuko’s time at sea not tempering his tongue, we actually have a decent picture of the events leading up to Zuko’s banishing, here in episode three. We definitely have the implications that Zuko said something, fought a duel against a master, lost (or he wouldn’t be a failure), and was scarred.

The show won’t confirm this for another ten episodes. But the backstory’s there.

(16:32) Meanwhile, back in the A plot, Aang chases Momo around the ruins of the Southern Air Temple.

(16:41) And comes across a rather grisly sight for a kids’ show. There are a lot of bodies in the room Aang walks into, arranged so it’s clear this was no accident.

(16:49) Gets worse as Aang spots Gyatso’s distinctive necklace (which was in focus on the statue earlier). There’s no good way to find this out, but Aang stumbled into the scene of his parental figure’s violent demise. Again, with the context of ‘The Storm’, this is way, way worse. It was already bad.

(17:07) Aang is understandably distraught, and unfortunately distraught untrained Avatar = Avatar state.

(17:22) As Katara wanders through the sanctuary and its depictions of past Avatars, she sees the eyes of the statues light up and knows that something’s up with Aang.

(17:26) Cut to elsewhere (definitely Earth Kingdom), followed by what must be the Northern Water Tribe, and the Fire Nation, where their depictions of Avatars are also lit up. Note that the Earth Kingdom’s mural definitely looks more like Kyoshi.

(17:35) The sages at the Fire Nation temple spell it out - this is inarguable proof that the Avatar’s back. Again ups some tension for us. The Avatar’s return is now public knowledge, and we know more people than Zuko and Zhao will be after our protagonists.

(18:03) When not reduced to a running gag, Sokka is already super quick on the uptake - he put together that Aang discovered his mentor’s corpse from the outfit, too, it seems.

(18:35) Iroh instructs Zuko to remember his firebending basics. We’ve already heard one - the breath.

(18:50) This fight scene helps us do some assessment of how dangerous Zuko and Zhao are in straight fights. Initial threat scaling - we’ll get more information over the course of the season. In the meantime, enjoy the choreography! One of the reasons the fight scenes are great is because the writers and animators did their research into the martial arts styles that bending is based on; another is because they don’t lose sight of the fact that characters are involved, with differing temperaments, goals, and skill sets. Avatar fight scenes convey character as well as progress plot.

Over the brief course of this fight we see Zuko start very aggressively, lose breath control, and get reminded to break Zhao’s footwork. That is, he’s not paying attention to Iroh’s basics. When Zhao counterattacks, Zuko’s defensive work is noticeably weaker than Zhao’s, basically tanking the fireballs on his forearms and torso while he gets pushed backwards (Zhao manages to break fireballs apart or split them well in front of him and away from his core, without losing ground).

(19:40) We can see Zuko’s fear as someone aims a fireball at his face. But with that, he turns the tables, gets up, and starts a counter-counterattack. Aimed at Zhao’s feet, as Iroh said to do. Zuko does not win this fight on skill alone - he wins because when he gets knocked down, he gets back up and tries again, applying the lesson of his previous mistakes. Could this be Zuko’s arc in miniature? I think it might be!

(20:15) Given a free shot at Zhao, Zuko declines to so much as scorch one of his earlobes. A gesture Zhao was not willing to make bare seconds ago, and going by the scar, also not a mercy extended by Zuko’s previous opponent. This is why he’s the less bad guy right now - Zuko’s not hurting people, not even his enemies, just because he can.

(20:29) Cheap shot from Zhao there, so we know he’s not one to accept when he’s lost.

(20:32) Completely cancelled by Iroh, out of fucking nowhere, who effortlessly knocks Zhao on his ass. Like I said, initial threat scaling. Early season one, the extent of Iroh’s abilities are hinted at rather than showcased.

(20:52) “Even in exile, my nephew is more honourable than you,” Iroh says. He also thanks Zhao for the tea.

(21:03) “Did you really mean that, Uncle?” Zuko asks, once they’re out of Zhao’s earshot. There speaks a young man who does not often get positive feedback from anyone, and who can’t believe someone was sincere about their public praise.

(21:08) Iroh implies that he meant it, without explicitly saying so. It’s graceful - gives Zuko that confirmation, but doesn’t put Zuko in a place where he has to accept a compliment he’s not ready for or equipped to handle.

(21:15) Meanwhile, back at the A-plot, we’re seeing Katara at her best. It’s true that her desire to protect Aang didn’t work and didn’t help. We don’t leave off on the ‘greatest weakness’ part, but on the ‘greatest strength’ part. She empathises with Aang’s pain and offers of herself to help Aang. “Sokka and I - we’re your family now.” Without hesitation.

(21:38) The Water Tribe siblings step closer to each other for reassurance once the threat of being blown off the mountain has receded. Little things like that show you how close Katara and Sokka are.

(21:46) Again, Sokka’s got Katara’s back in her decision that Aang is now family. He doesn’t initiate like Katara does, but he’s on board.

(21:53) The first thing Aang says is “I’m sorry.” I can’t help but think that the uncontrolled Avatar State must really, really suck for Aang. It’s not gone into in any detail, but how bad must he feel that he endangered his new friends and further damaged the temple? His first words here are to apologise to others, rather than continuing to manage his own grief.

Aang is a very thoughtful person in many ways.

(22:03) Not stupid, though, as he can see that if the Fire Nation targeted the Southern Air Temple, chances are good they got to the others as well. Katara hugs him as he tries to deal with the fact that he is the last airbender.

(22:17) Aang emphasises the fact that he’s going to need some help from Roku. Just throwing that out there for future plot.

(22:44) “You, me, and Appa are all that’s left of this place,” Aang says with what seems rather likely to be a faked smile. He and Katara laugh at the newly-named Momo’s theft of Sokka’s fruit.

(23:04) But the fact that this doesn’t erase Aang’s grief is emphasised by the end of episode, where he silently watches the ruined and empty Southern Air Temple recede into the distance.  Even though he’s good at putting up a front and focusing on the good things that are, the loss of his home and people will underpin Aang’s character for the rest of the series.

This episode is a damned important one, and the importance comes out more when looked at holistically rather than my running commentary above. For Katara and Sokka, this episode gives the key detail of their mother’s death, and gives them that solid and explicit emotional commitment to Aang that will provide them with motivation for sticking with him all series, but this isn’t their episode.

This episode kicks Aang out of his past and locks Aang into the hero’s journey in the A-plot. Meanwhile, in the B-plot, it sets Zuko up not as a primary villain, but as a deuteragonist, catching us up on how he too has been kicked out of home and left to quest. This episode shows us why neither protagonist nor deuteragonist can go home again.

[whencallstheheart]

One thing I really don't comprehend is why Liz picking Lucas was really that much of a shock for Nathan stans. I mean, she had expressed just as much interest in him than she did Nathan, if not more at certain times so why is team Nathan acting like Lucas never existed in Elizabeth's affections and that he was never even a choice?!

I get that they interpreted things in a different way, but I know Team Lucas (TL) wouldn't have been SHOOK the way Team Nathan (TN) was if it was the other way around. I know this because we all resigned ourselves to the fact that they were going to go that predictable route in the penultimate episode and while we had HUGE reservations, we didn't act blind to the fact that it was always kind of a possibility.

Now this merely stems from what I've read and seen on social media, but we didn't ignore the reality of what was happening in comparison to TN. We didn't ignore Elizabeth's chemistry and interactions with Nathan, or the small symbolic gestures they shared or the very intent way Nathan pursued her. However it truly baffles the mind that the other team really went out of their way to ignore every time she ever looked, smiled widely, laughed, yearned and had fun & some real passionate chemistry with Lucas. I mean talk about selective watching. 😂

All Lucas stans hear is how Lucas is shady, but Nathan's enormous lie about Jack is brushed over and twisted into a noble sacrifice, whereas I guarantee had it been Lucas, he would have been painted as an opportunistic conman who took advantage of a widow's pain and loneliness, a man who wormed his way into her life in a completely questionable and frankly dishonest way. The truth is that his one lie is bigger than any lie Lucas or really any other character has ever told Liz and that already set off alarm bells for me personally and is just one of the many problems I have with Nathan's character, however we don't have time to go through all my issues with him.

As for the way the story was told, I'm not sure why certain fans think that TN was inevitable and that his reward for apparently just existing and taking care of Allie would be Elizabeth, who has been having intimate after intimate moment with Lucas. Seriously, she went on more dates with Lucas, she would even make the first move with him like taking his hand or being open to maybe kissing him and it was LUCAS that stopped it. I mean maybe in the penultimate episode when Lucas literally put Liz's happiness above his own, I can understand why TN held out hope but to act like EVERYTHING that happened between her & Lucas before that wasn't an honest appraisal of her feelings is just so odd and it kind of came across as denial.

It is also bizarre how TN could ignore and excuse SO MUCH of what she did or said, how she conducted herself and how she would retreat from Nathan more often than not, how he would keep pursuing her and how she would barely give anything back. I mean, how much can you really just blame her fear of getting hurt on her rejection of him? That's a bit too simplistic, because that fear existed equally in her opening her heart to Lucas, plus it seems that TN care more about Nathan's happiness than whether him and Liz really belonged together and if she truly wanted to be with him. 🤷‍♀️

I mean even reading your analysis, I noticed it was based on how Nathan deserved her after everything, but she's not a prize and while I know you did not mean it that way, it just doesn't seem like a good enough reason for them to be together & nor is Ally. I've noticed that TN just adored the neat perfect family 'appeal' they had because Liz has LJ and Nathan has Allie who ironically Lucas helped him adopt with the money he offered.

However, that is not a sustainable enough reason for two people to build their lives together. They have to have that kind of love, spark and connection that is incomparable and cannot be broken.

I think all three characters deserve partners who truly loved each other for who they are intrinsically and not anything else, not Lucas's money which apparently is the only reason she could ever love him, because she's apparently a spineless gold digger, who couldn't possibly love him for his compassion, his unwavering friendship, sense of humour, loyalty and patience 😂 or rather Nathan's automatic dad appeal and the land he purchased and the complete nuclear family they could have created, which I again could understand because that is a tempting offer also and she already loved Allie so it could have fit her too, had she wanted Nathan in that way.

Don't get me wrong, I don't love how long it took to get us here & I do agree that it should have been concluded earlier in the season & Elizabeth doesn't come off looking great. Although in a way, with everything that she has been doing with Lucas, it could have looked a lot worse for her character to have discarded him too, but I suppose that is all a matter of perspective. I don't however believe that Elizabeth is some kind of monster which is apparently what some of TN have landed on because she rejected Nathan. It's like we've forgotten that a woman doesn't owe love or a relationship to someone just because they've put the time in, not Nathan and not Lucas. It would have also been okay if she had just decided to keep them both as friends, that is her right as a woman. Just because she didn't pick what certain fans wanted, they have dragged her unfairly when she was also really struggling with not only mourning her husband and the life they had, but having to pick up the pieces and carve a new life out for herself, whilst struggling with the immense confusion surrounding her feelings for both men. I don't think the cobwebs really cleared for her until Lucas removed himself from the equation, I think that is when she really opened her eyes to whom she could not, rather did not want to live without.

Anyway sorry for the long rant, you just seem like you love to analyse shows and characters the way I do. 😆

It all boils down to perception.  That’s it.  It also doesn’t help that people were essentially forced to pick sides.  Everything became black and white for people.  If one man was a certain way, the other was the opposite... even if that wasn’t true.  But that’s what we’re conditioned to think.  It’s like politics.  The lines may be more gray but people are going to only believe what they want to believe or are told to believe by others within their party.  Nobody’s gonna listen to the other side because they’re the “enemy”.  That’s not really a great strategy for a tv show largely about community.  The show is so proud of the fandom that was built but yet they actively worked to divide it for the past 3 years.

I think a lot of the frustration comes from the fact that Lucas did get all those interactions with Elizabeth.  He got the dates.  He got the almost kiss.  He got the hand-holding.  Nathan got NOTHING romantic with her even though we were led to believe he would at some point since it was supposed to be a triangle.  If she had picked Nathan, at least Team Lucas would’ve had all those moments to hold onto.  At least they got something along the way.  Team Nathan didn’t.  And because he wasn’t getting much along the way, it made people think that it had to be coming.  That they’re putting him through all of this because it’s going to end in his favor.  It felt like the natural course of the storytelling (but now we know there wasn’t even any planned storytelling... they just made it up along the way???).

The two teams are never going to get along now.  People have made up their minds and they will continue to believe what they want to believe.  No side is better than the other.  You have issues with Nathan so why can’t people have issues with Lucas?  That’s hypocritical.  You have your reasons and others have theirs for believing certain things about the characters.  At some point you just have to agree to disagree because this is how things are now thanks to how it was all written and how it was handled on and off screen.  We don’t need to be pointing fingers at the fans.

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

What is your opinion on straight passing privilege? I (bi) don’t think it exists, but a close (lesbian) friend of mine insists that it does bc “You can hold hands with your SO (nb cis passing man) in public without risking being the victim of a hate crime.” I have been researching but keep seeing this same argument coming up, and I’m unsure and don’t want to be making anyone upset if I’m being ignorant here.

I think that there's a lot of fucked up internet politics around who is and isn't allowed in the community. Which is ridiculous.

Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Pan, Poly, Ace, Aro, Trans, Intersex, etc.

The only people who shouldn't be in the community are cishets, and pedos, none of that 'it's a sexuality' nonsense, it's predation.

The concept of straight-passing is ridiculous, primarily because it's all based on assumptions. If you're in an m/f relationship, and you are both cis and heterosexual, it's straight.

But here's the catch, if you identify as any LGBPT+ then it's not straight.

Two trans people in an m/f relationship is not straight passing.

Two bi people in an m/f is not straight passing, it's queer babes, it's in the name. If you're bi and your partner is like, straight, it's still queer from your side of the fence.

It's the 'pick a side' argument from another direction, this straight passing nonsense. Where you are villified by the straights if you have a same-sex relationship (or fetishised, let's be real, every part of the acronymn has it's own p*rn category aimed at straight people with a kink), and if you have a relationship with the opposite gendered person, the queer community gets cranky.

Two things:

1) Is this friend between 13 and 25? Bc they could still be working this out or being mentored by t*rfs, or had some bad info. IT could be jealousy or fear of being open where you live. Perhaps you could question what makes her say that; has she had a bad experience, or did someone say this to her. where are you Are you in america? are there snake wielding jesus warriors near you? Blink SOS if you need an escape route, child

2) Who wins when everyone in the queer community is divided and policing one another? Telling everyone off for dating this person or that person or not at all

I didn't get an invite to the big queer conference to make these decisions, so like, they're not valid. It's some pocket of internet active idiots who think they can speak for everyone.

What we need to do is stop pulling this bullshit on one another and get back to asking just why the fuck it's not okay for people who are perceived as not-straight or cis etc to hold hands in public.

There's a problem for every facet of the acronym, babes and dudes and theys. Lesbians are heavily sexualised by straight cis dudes. Gays are heavly fetisihed by straight cis women. to the point where even saying 'I'm gay' is considered to be an obscene, sexual act that you should not let children be exposed to.

And there's always someone from the opposite gender who thinks they 'are confused' or 'haven't met the right (gender) person yet', or 'they could fix them with their magic genitals' or mumbled religious nonsense. There's such intense stereotypes that people can't stand women who look butch, but also you can't 'really' be a lesbian unless you are' or gay men can't just be, like, a normal dude, instead of some flamboyant in-your-face charicature.

Of course people who match the stereotype exist, too. And they get no respect for fitting into the stereptypes either, it's just another reason for disrespect. There's no winning.

Bi's can't talk to anyone without hearing a question of a threesome come up or being attacked from either side for coice of partner.

Pans, same, but also kitchenware jokes. Both Bi and Pan are considered sluts and whores and can't decide or are going to cheat, etc. Or the 'you're being special snowflakes', 'choose a side', 'you're secretly gay and won't admit / you're secretly straight and want attention' etc.

Ace/Aro - everyone under this banner gets the whole 'you just haen't found the right person' or 'when you're older/you're a late bloomer' or 'how do you know?' or 'maybe you're straight/gay and haven't worked it out yet?' invalidating them completely and trying to push sex onto them. The queer community has always let Ace and Aro in under the Bi banner, and they are welcome. But the internet community, usually young people, are tearing each other to shreds over it lmao.

Chill.

Non-binary, trans, intersex. They have been here for ages, but people from one community try to destroy their credibility, despite them existing since humanity has. It's big on p*rn and fetish sites too, lot of straight dudes think these things are hot and sexy, but would spit on trans people in the street. Hypocrites (I mean, every second low-brow comedy movie out there makes a thai-l*dyb*y joke, and how it 'doesn't count' like yikes).

Nb has only just been recognised, which is funny bc society literally made up gender and the rules and pretended that was how its encoded in DNA lmao.

Transpeople have it bad though. Between the cis straights, the cis queer community (primarily t*rfs and those who fall for misinformation) and the fetishists, and the medical community who treats them like an illness rather than people. Like, they are afforded respect if they 'pass', but even then it's still an EW factor.

Transwomen are seen as 'men in dresses who want to break into women's spaces' and treated horrifically; assaults are very high. Transmen are seen as butch women, and 'gender tr*itors' by the Crazy Motherfuckers we mentioned before; their assaults are high. They're not considered Real People unless they meet the ridiculously high standards for each gender; unless they perform Right.

I remember, but did not understand at the time bc I recall i was little, that there was a gameshpw bachelorette style and there was a big twist. You know what the twist was? That the bachelorette they'd been dating and trying to win over... was trans. I don't think that she knew it would be the big twist, either; of the two men remaining, bother were angry and one might have been sick. Might be on youtube.

But like, that's funny to the non-queer community. They put a huge fucking target on this woman's back, put her in danger of being hurt, abused, killed, by anyone who watched it. By the men who she had 'lied to' as they chose to frame it, of their weird white american families who could have sought revenge. Like yikes.

And intersex people (called h*rmaphrodites for a long time even by medical personnel) were also a p*rn category and/or medical curiosity for centuries. Not to mention all the cases of parents who just went with 'make them a (specific gender)' if there was mixed presentation, at birth, and got mad at the kids for being like "Hey so, you flipped the coin wrong and I'm ___" even thought the potential for this was always on the cards.

And the parents often make a big messa bout how their baby ___ is dead and gone, even if they DO accept the person/child as who they really are. It's like, I get it they have changed but you didn't mourn their first haircut or lost baby tooth like this and that was change too, chill.

-

Straight-passing is a projection and a weapon. Like, is it the people in the relationship's fault that society looks at the pair and decides they are m/f, straight and cis? Nah, it's what people are conditioned assume and that's on them.

We can't bring it into the queer spaces and keep perpetuating that shit, because it's nonsense. Queer people are dying in other countries and your friend wants to being smart-assed about the fact you hold hands with your nb datemate in public?

-

Nonsense. That's right up there with t*rfs and the gold-star bullshit that was going on for a few years there. Probs still is among the younger people lmaoooo.

'Passing priviledge' is a myth, and it is used to hurt people. Vulnerable people and those who need support / guidance and assistance from their queer communities more than ever. So try to talk to your friend or try The Whole Friend disposal services, either way, chill.

The real issue here is that any of us are at risk of a hate crime for daring to even show affection in public. That even in safe spaces, 'allies' and those wise enough not to be openly homo/trans/bi/pan/ace/aro/other phobic are still side-eyeing you and wanting to talk 'for you' without listening to the community itself.

We have bigger issues than this, and your friend (and some others on the internet) need to get a grip and prioritise.

[Insert strained analogy about being pro-child but childfree in a suburb where everyone got married out of high school and anticipates you and your partner will too, no matter how often you remind them No Thanks. But you babysat the other day and people thought you and your partner looked like 'naturals' when you took child to the park and played with them. And you remind them, hey, chill, we like kids too but it's not for us. And they get pissy and pushy.]

---------

I can only point it out from my perspective, I'm certain there other queer people from the above acronymn community who can present their thoughts on the matter to and what it means to them.

Thanks for the question, good-bi.

[raisansgrapeon]

My Views on Some of the Cast of the DSMP

We got a lot of things flying left, right, and center right now about characters in the dream smp fandom and I love it. I love seeing the perspectives and the stances and everyone's opinions as long as we're all being civil about it. So, I'm civilly putting in my two cents about... Well... Everything. But mainly just Ghostbur, Phil, and Techno since this post would get obscenely long if I did everyone.

I'd like to just say one thing about my approach to this story:

The characters are morally ambiguous. No one is the good guy. No one is the bad guy. No one is an exception.

Yes, even Dream falls under this.

These are all people, and I always hesitate to call people bad or good in real life because there is so much more beyond what I can see of them, and I think it's a testament to the wonderful acting, improv, writing, and character establishment/writing that it can get me to see fictional block men who do things like claim their mother is a salmon and fill their palaces with flamingos as people.

With that information, I say that I love every character for who they are in the context of the narrative and how they play their role in said narrative.

And I love how each and every one of them are in the wrong somehow in some way.

Ghostbur is suffering the loss of everything he built, technically, a fourth time over.

First with Dream's initial explosion of L'Manburg, second with the actual explosion of L'Manburg, third with the explosion of Logstedshire, and finally with the final explosion of L'Manburg. He's hurting and yes, we all feel immensely bad for this little amnesiac ghost boy who only ever wrote books and built what he loved.

But he acknowledges that he's also hurt people. He knows that. That's why he wants to be resurrected. Even if he forgets conversations, impressions and residual feelings and ideas still hold over, since he clearly didn't just forget about his desire to be resurrected after he forgot his spat with Phil. He recontextualizes his desires and feelings under new sources but the idea of, this is the only way I can make everyone feel better, still lingers. Fundy told him that he needed to stop running away from his problems and face them. He may have forgotten that conversation, but the idea that who he is and what Ghostbur, as an entity, represents is hurting everyone, lingers.

Ghostbur has hurt people. Not of malicious intent, but intent does not dictate the feelings and actions of those around you in response to your own actions. Ghostbur uses his blue to forget his sorrows, and that action cuts those around him off from the emotional reconciliation Ghostbur knows they need from him.

Even then, who he is is not primed to deal with the fallout that would come if he even had voluntary control over his amnesia. Ghostbur insists he's not Alivebur, but he kinda is in a way. Both are very rigid in their beliefs when their mind is made up. There is no negotiation afterwards. Ghostbur's fundamental ideals have been locked in from the start of his existence. He makes others happy, and he restores L'Manburg. The idea that he no longer has the capability to do either of these things as he is now lingers without context. A ghost of a conversation forgotten that got held onto as the only good thing to come out of it.

Ghostbur is not 100% good. He's airheaded and well meaning, but he's never addressed the core issues that he caused.

Phil is trying to prevent what happened to his son from ever happening again.

Phil is a bigger picture man. He sees the world around him as a collective that works together to maintain itself. He doesn't have many personal ties beyond Techno and Wilbur in canon. He truly acts like a third-party hanging above the fray watching as the tides of war ebb and flow. He sees the corruption and sickness that lies within L'Manburg that killed his son thrive long after the mad king had been struck down. He held hope that in the wake of tragedy, Tubbo and the citizens would turn the tides, but they proved him wrong. What killed his son tried to kill his friend, and Phil was going to stop it.

But Phil was too zoomed out to see the personal aspect that L'Manburg held. He was too focused of the bigger picture to remember that Friend was in his house. He couldn't see L'Manburg as the home of many. He was still too detached from the feelings of the people to understand why Ghostbur was upset in the first place. The conversation between the two was not about Phil trying to get Ghostbur to understand why L'Manburg needed to go, it was Ghostbur trying to get Phil to understand why this was not the right option.

Philza has hurt people. He hurt his son by not only aiding in the destruction of his son's home and Friend, but also refusing to see the individuals in the conflict. He hurt Fundy by rejecting him the moment he realized that his grandson was following the tide of battle in the wrong direction. In the end, Phil never chose to see the situation from any other perspective other than his own.

He's disjointed and disconnected from the world around him. He truly loves and cares for two, at one point three, people on the server canonically and beyond that is an ambiguous blur. This isn't really his battle, in all honesty. He came when he saw that Wil was gonna do something everyone would regret, and he tried to step in and stop it, but beyond that, he was never there for anything. He never cared about L'Manburg and he never cared about its people. He's kind and caring to those in passing and he has a sense of nobility and honor where he respects and helps those who helped him. Still, he sees the world around him as a collective, and rarely anything more.

Philza is not 100% good, but he's not 100% bad. He's principled and intelligent, but he has no concept of how his actions affect the individual beyond the collective.

Techno has been abandoned and played like a fiddle this whole time.

Technoblade is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the most straightforward character in the smp in terms of motivation. He is explicit and blatant about his anarchy and goals. Yet, somehow, everyone keeps falling into the thought that Techno is a naturally passive force that can be activated into action. In actuality, Techno is very proactive. He prepares and plans beyond wartime. He acts swiftly and precisely. He follows Sun Tzu's tenants faithfully. He does not idle and sticks to his most recent plan to a T if he thinks he can win.

But Techno doesn't see outside himself. He knows what works for him but is blind to others' needs and desires. Anarchy is how Techno can live comfortably, but not everyone can and certainly not everyone in the server. He plays by his rules and rational and imposes those thoughts onto others, not understanding when they act contrary to his understanding and thus rules them to being irrational on purpose. That they just want to ruin his life.

Techno has hurt people and we all know this. Everyone here believes that Techno betrayed them not when he wouldn't join their government, but when he wouldn't leave well enough alone. He did that too late. If he had conceded at the end of the Manburg-Pogtopia war that he did what he was called to do and just left for retirement in the first place, he could've lived just fine. But he's proactive, and he felt betrayed by them when they instantly instilled not only a new leader, but one under the same format and structure that had already failed twice. But who ever said that was his problem?

Techno, as well as everyone but especially Techno, sees himself as the one in the right all the time. He doesn't regret a single thing he's done, at least not anywhere I've seen. He is sure in his beliefs, lifestyle, principles, and logic. He enforces these on other's and sees them as ignorant and dumb for thinking different to him. It takes a lot for him to let bygones be bygones, and it's easy to provoke him into action. Albeit, none of this is helped by the literal chorus of voices constantly memeing in his head, but my point still stands.

Technoblade is not 100% bad, nor is he 100% good. He's motivated and honest, but he doesn't think about other's preferences having the possibility of having a logic behind them.

I could go on and on with nearly every main player in this story but this is what I have off the top of my head.

Basically: no one is good. No one is bad. They all make mistakes as a result of their flaws and those mistakes negatively affect real people in real ways. And I wouldn't have them act any other way.

Your favorite doesn't need to be a saint. You don't have to bend over backwards to defend your fave in order to make them the morally correct person in any given situation. Let yourself love a rich, flawed character. Because they deserve to be loved for their flaws and all.

They deserve to be loved as people.

[hayleysayshay]

Why Bolin’s character arc in Book 4 works really well

So here’s quite a quick summary of why Book 4′s character arc actually slaps hard.

Bolin as a character in the legend of korra was always fun and interesting, but had some of the most shallow characterisation. In books 1 and 2, his emotions are treated like a joke-- Bolin being upset that Korra kisses Mako is played for laughs, Bolin’s whole relationship with Eska is certainly.... a choice (hur hur she’s a girl being ‘dominant’ hur hur. yikes). Mako and Bolin’s relationship in Book 2 get’s confused--- it’s nice to seem some conflict and Bolin stretching his wings, but like... did they have to do it by Bolin leaving Mako in jail and not caring? Book 3 was a major course correction.

The thing about Bolin, is that he was mostly motivated by whims. He is a fairly directionless character. And that’s not a necessarily a bad thing-- people are like that in real life. But it means he’s slightly passive. In Book 1, he’s just... there. Helping his friends. In book 2, he’s helping his friends, and he’s also trying to get famous. In Book 3, he’s also helping his friends. He has a small subplot about trying to be Kai’s brother, I guess. He doesn’t really go to help find the airbenders--- he goes for the adventure. His naiviety and like of awareness are flaws, and pointed out, but he never really grows from his mistakes.

In Book 4, however, Bolin joins with Kuvira because he wants to help people. He says as such to Opal in Book 1. He compares Kuvira to Korra when discussing Kuvira with Mako in Book 4. i think this is overlooked when critiquing Bolin’s storyline in Book 4 as random--- it makes sense that Bolin would want to help people. After Book 3,  Korra was gone. Her injury and retreat to the Southern Water Tribe left a large impact on Bolin. Not in a ‘man pain’ kind of way (as we do see Korra’s pain up front and from her point of view, Korra’s pain does not revolve around the men in her life), but in that a close friend suffered greatly and that will change your outlook on life.

It caused Bolin to get his act together and to try and be like Korra, so he follows someone who he thinks is helping people like Korra did. Kuvira was helping people, so she’s like Korra. This is why he compares Kuvira and Korra to Mako.

It’s a very simplistic view of the world, and it’s very Bolin.

This good natured belief in Kuvira is taken advantage of by Kuvira. She can manipulate him into believing that she’s right. She encourages him to doubt his friends. Because Bolin wants to be doing what’s right. He wants to believe that he’s helping people. In that sense, Bolin’s motivation is very moral-- but twisted. He’s trying to see the bigger picture by he is blinded by his worldview, his self-centric worldview. (this isn’t me saying he’s selfish, I’m saying he’s not very good at listening to other people).

Bolin leaves when it becomes clear that no, Kuvira’s regime is clearly not in the right (prompted by the re-education camps). He’s horrified and eventually escapes with Varrick.

And he has to face that him ignoring the everyone else’s warnings was wrong, and they were proven right.

In this scenario, he also helps Varrick grow, by pointing out how self-centered he’s being. In episode 7 of book 4, he even states to Varrick they have to make it up to the world by marching themselves back to Republic City and warning everyone. By this point, Bolin knows he has to take some responsibility for his actions. Not only this, but he’s inspiring change in another character!

This is also seen with his relationship with Opal. Opal clearly didn’t approve of Kuvira but she only turned against Bolin when her family was captured and Zaofu was overthrown. She wouldn’t forgive easily. What I like about Opal is that she does clearly love him for who he is (in book 3, it is Bolin who encourages her to be an airbender and stop hiding), but she won’t put up with his worst issues-- which resulted him in him ignoring Opal’s warnings because Bolin believed in Kuvira.

And Bolin asks for forgiveness but knows from the start it won’t be easy. Opal does get him to ‘prove’ that he’s serious about making it up to her by accompanying her to save her family (which, honestly, they were outnumbered, it’s fair enough Opal would want more family members). But Bolin still goes out of his way to save Zhu-Li, and also correctly guesses that Zhu-Li is too smart to allow the drill to fail, and Bolin states they’ve been through too much together. It’s more than just trying to get back with Opal: he’s trying to right his wrongs.

In essence, I think Bolin’s actions in ‘Operation Beifong’ are clearly indicative of someone who knows they have to take some responsibility for their mistakes. 

I think it’s a good character arc because it engages with what we have seen of Bolin so far. It engages with his flaws--- the clear naivety he had shown throughout the whole series, and actually lets Bolin grow from them. Not only that, the flaws and growth are baked into to the plot of the show. And this isn’t a 180 on the character, Bolin at the end is still the same friendly, trusting guy he was at the start of book 4, it’s just that he’s grown. I don’t think he’d be taken advantage of so easily by the finale.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #238: Unlimited Vision

December, 1983

He is Oz, the great and terrible. And he can see ALL.

So what’s going on here? Has Vision been in a tube-coma so long that they just decided to replace him with a giant hologram?

Dunno, but he sure is filling the room with too much pink energy and kirby crackle.

So, there’s been a bit leading up to this.

In Avengers #233, Vision and Scarlet Witch were called in as reservists to help the team with an invisible dome Annihilus was using to destroy the universe, as ya don’t do. When Vision intangibled into the dome, he immediately fell onto his face inert. After the crisis, Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic examined the synthezoid and said that nothing was actually seriously wrong and that Vision would be able to repair himself.

Despite that, he’s been inert in a tube since #234, moved into the Avengers Mansion so they could keep an eye on him. Maybe Reed doesn’t know shit because it’s been several issues!

The Avengers have been taking shifts watching Vision and the least suited to sitting still and watching an inert synthezoid is on duty as this issue opens.

“But being an Avenger, he’s discovered, doesn’t mean saving the universe every waking moment. Sometimes, it requires a lot of sitting... and watching... and waiting!”

Hahahahahah!

I might sympathize more if it weren’t for his full page rant.

Like this goes beyond bored and into ‘UGH I have to do something not immediately entertaining??’

Wait, I’m like that sometimes...

Starfox: “I just don’t understand! My father’s computer assured me that the Earth would be teeming with excitement and adventure -- and from previous experience, I knew that the Avengers invariably became involved in such adventures. But I haven’t seen a bit of action since we saved Project Pegasus from total destruction. That was more than a day ago! Now with Thor off on a mission in space... Captain America away on a personal mission... and the lovely ladies of the Avengers taking the afternoon off, naturally it’s the ‘trainee’ who gets stuck with keeping watch over the Vision!”

“By Chronos, is there no justice?! Where are the thrills, the challenges?!? Am I never to know satisfaction? I didn’t come all the way to Earth just to stand watch over some infernal android in a life-support-tube!”

“Ah, forgive me, friend Vision. I should not make you the object of my resentment. You were, after all, injured to end the threat of Annihilus. It’s just that sitting around and playing nursemaid to a comatose synthetic man is hardly my idea of fun!”

Vision: “I sympathize... but it has not been enjoyable for me either.”

HAH!

Imagine complaining so hard about having to go a day without an adventure that you wake a robot from a robot coma.

Over in a scene shift, there’s Monica “Captain Marvel” Rambeau trying out a boat in the Gulf of Mexico. The salesman is trying to close the deal but Monica finds herself distracted by the events of the previous issue.

Even though she saved the day from lava men and then stopped a nuclear meltdown, she still feels crappy that Moonstone and Blackout escaped AND that Blackout was able to capture her.

When the salesman finally gets her attention again she says she needs a bigger boat!

I’m still wondering what her new career is going to be! She’s taken out a small business loan and looking into buying a boat.

Possibly shark hunting?

Good on her for building a life away from avenging. You never know when you have to retire from superheroing and take up a civilian career.

Back at the Vision tube, Starfox sets up a voice amplifier on Vision’s tube so Vision can talk more easily.

It transpires that he didn’t just wake up in time to deliver the ultimate dunk on Starfox, he’s been conscious for several days. He’s been able to hear and see what’s been going on around him but he hasn’t been able to move or talk.

Starfox apologizes for his rant but Vision doesn’t actually mind.

Vision: “No offense taken. I found it entertaining in a way... I hadn’t heard such vitriol since the time the Beast found himself on monitor duty during the opening night of a Roger Corman film festival. As a matter of fact, I’ve enjoyed all of the one-way conversations that have gone on about me. Captain America’s war stories were most informative -- and the She-Hulk’s stories were quite amusing... If a bit tawdry!”

Amazing.

I actually like that the Avengers have been talking to Vision like a person in a meat coma and not ignoring him like a dysfunctioning fridge of a Jocasta.

He’s their buddy and they kept talking to him in hopes that somewhere he heard them. And he did!

Even all the dirty jokes!

Vision tells Starfox that he’s mostly confused about all the paralysis and that his repair systems haven’t restored his movement. He wishes that he could more fully analyze his condition.

Which gives Starfox a wonderful idea! A wonderful, terrible idea!

He calls up Jarvis on the video-intercom and asks what the range of the Avengers communication system is. Like. In terms of... interplanetary?

Jarvis: “All equipment is state-of-the-art, sir. I dare say we could make contact with any corner of the Solar System!”

I know that the Avengers deal with a lot of space nonsense so it makes sense that they’d need that range. Starcore-One and all.

Anyway, Starfox uses a tight beam signal to communicate allll the way to the master computer ISAAC on Titan.

Meanwhile, the three whole women on the Avengers (She-Hulk, Wasp, and Scarlet Witch) are on a mission together. A friend mission. A friend mission of find She-Hulk an apartment mission because that’s been a subplot for a while and She-Hulk deserves nice things.

Huh! If you ever wondered what the relative heights of some Avengers were here we are.

She-Hulk is most tall. Scarlet Witch is pretty tall. And Wasp is a short.

Comics being comics and not big on consistency, I’m sure this is contradicted a dozen different places. But its fun.

Of course, in the innocent 80s (??) people just weren’t used to seeing tall green woman a-walking down the street and gawk.

But it doesn’t bother She-Hulk like it used to.

She-Hulk: “I must be getting used to this town, Waspie! The gawkers don’t faze me in the least anymore. In fact, I’m starting to have fun, staring back!”

Wasp: “Uh-huh! I’ve noticed you practicing on our dreamy new trainee! Starfox is really something, isn’t he, She-Hulk?”

She-Hulk: “You know it!”

Scarlet Witch: Starfox does have a certain something in the way he carries himself...

She-Hulk: “I’ll bet that Starfox even does something for an old married lady like the witch!”

Scarlet Witch: “Wh-what?! Why, that’s ridiculous! I mean... that is... the Vision is the only man in my life!”

She-Hulk: “Aw, come on, Wanda! You’re married, not dead! ‘Fess up, don’t you like the way Starfox just sort of... stands around?”

Scarlet Witch: “Well, if you put it that way -- !”

Just some gals being friends and talking about how hot their new co-worker is.

Just objectifying a foxy guy... from space.

I like She-Hulk someone immediately sensing Wanda thinking about how hot Starfox is. She has a sixth sense for it.

And I fear because Janet “Aesthetic Appreciation for Every Man” Van Dyne now has a comrade in arms in Jennifer “What are inhibitions?” Walters.

The three arrive at the apartment building Jan found for Jen (not confusing at all). The rental agent isn’t around but Jan basically does whatever she wants and the door is open so they go in to look around.

And its a good apartment! Its got a terrace, high ceilings, deep carpeting! Its perfect for She-Hulk! The long subplot is finally at a resolution!

Alas.

The rental agent comes in and when he learns that its Jen who wants to rent the place. Really wants to rent the place. “You can draw up a lease -- I don’t care how much the rent is!” wants to rent the place. He has one (1) concern.

Rental agent: “My lord! You... you’re green!”

She-Hulk: “Yeah, and you’re a pasty shade of pink! So what?”

Rental agent: “I... I can’t rent to you! What would the other tenants say?”

Oo buddy that’s illegal under the Fair Housing Act. Especially if you just come out and say it. Granted, I don’t think it foresaw this exact scenario so let me rephrase. Oo buddy she is not shy about hurting people who annoy her.

She-Hulk: “Outta my way, Jan! I want to turn Mr. Pink black-and-blue!”

Wasp: “Forget it, Jennie! We’ll find a better place!”

But since Wanda doesn’t have any patience with bigotry, she uses her magic-science mutant magic to set off the fire sprinklers above Rental Agent.

I guess he’s allll washed up.

Back over in New Orleans, Monica returns to her apartment still hung up on Blackout and Moonstone getting away.

I guess it is her first failure as a superhero? It’s a very minor one but if you were on a winning streak before, it could knock you for a loop. Monica seems like the sort of person who holds herself to very high standards.

She considers calling the Avengers on her bracelet radio to see if there’s any leads on the two loose ends but then realizes that she can travel at the speed of light. She may as well just pop into the mansion!

Monica has cool powers.

But when she arrives inside the mansion, she sees a bunch of electronic components just floating through the mansion.

Soooo she follows them. Gotta see what’s going on.

She finds Starfox in the medical room constructing some apparatus around Vision’s tube.

Starfox explains that stuff be floating because ISAAC is using an attractor beam to assemble an apparatus. ISAAC being the Titan computer Integral Synaptic Anti-Anionic Computer.

It sure is cool that some Eternals that went to live on Titan before modern English existed still managed to name their computer ISAAC.

And its cool that ISAAC can apparently influence things like this halfway across the solar system.

Anyway, ISAAC is linked up with the main computers of Avengers’ Mansion to build a more specialized medical computer to get a better idea of what’s going on with Vision.

Vision: “It sounds complicated, Captain, but the principles involved are actually quite simple.”

Captain Marvel: “Vision? You spoke!”

Vision: “That seems to surprise everyone... pleasantly, I hope.”

He explains that if everything goes well with this apparatus, he hopes to be ambulatory again before tomorrow. And also, because he’s a class act, thanks Monica for the stories of New Orleans she shared when she was on Vision duty.

In a funny continuity nod, Vision notes that he and Wanda went to New Orleans once (in issue #152) but didn’t have time to sight-see. Because there was a lot of voodoo nonsense going on.

The Avengers tend to go all over the world but they also tend to be involved in nonsense and can’t enjoy it.

Monica isn’t sure whether they should go ahead with this without consulting the other Avengers but Starfox shrugs that it’s Vision’s decision.

Vision: “In that case, I choose to begin analysis immediately!”

In fairness, I’m sure he’s fed up with lying in a tube staring at the ceiling. Bring on the untested science! My god, just anything novel!

Starfox activates the devices, showing Vision’s body with unearthly energies whiiich makes him twitch and spasm and then a tiny Vision head pops out of his forehead gem.

Mazel tov?

I don’t think that was the intended outcome.

Outside, She-Hulk, Scarlet Wanda, and Wasp are returning from Apartment Quest.

Wanda mentions that she didn’t mean to be away from Vision this long.

Wasp: “Don’t worry, Wanda. I’m sure nothing’s gone wrong!”

Giant disembodied Vision head: “WRONG? ON THE CONTRARY, EVERYTHING’S GONE JUST FINE!”

Oh my god, he got Oz’d.

Imagine coming home to that! You go on an errand with a friend to take your mind off your coma robot husband and you come back and he’s a giant holographic head!

The three Avengers rush inside and find a more reasonably sized Vision hologram and Starfox protesting that this wasn’t how things were supposed to go.

Yeah, I suspected.

But Vision is thrilled with this turn of events!

Vision: “Evidently, the internal dysfunction in my body caused a data feedback-loop which overloaded my brain with ISAAC’s energy-information matrix. Simply put -- I have become as one with ISAAC and our own computer systems! The ability to project this holographic construct is a fortuitous side-effect!”

Huuuuuuuuuh!

Vision merged with some computers. This is fine. Is this fine? Is Vision fine? Starfox wants to know and so do I.

Vision: “ALL RIGHT?!? I’ve never been able to think more clearly. Even with my body temporarily out of order, I can be of great help to the Avengers! I can out-think, out-deduce any computer system in the world! All the information in our files is mine -- instantly! For instance -- I see there’s some unfinished business pending! Two opponents escaped us recently! Those two must be found!”

Well, Monica will be happy with that at least.

Geez, Vision is kind of... manic? Maybe its just the contrast to how dour he tend to be. But he definitely seems keyed up. Like he’s running high on having all these computers running through his brain.

Is this robot drugs?

Wait, no, vibranium is robot drugs. Is this other robot drugs? Connect to a super-computer and scream I’M THINKING SO FAST! ?

MEANWHILE, those very two miscreants!

In a hideout in the Bronx, Blackout is ranting paranoid about how they’re out to get him and are going to merge him with the light spectrum and destroy his humanity. Which is fairly unique paranoid ranting.

Of course, while he’s focused on glaring out the window, he’s not paying attention to Moonstone who prepares a drugged cup of coffee for him.

Blackout: “You’re the only one, Moonstone... the only one who hasn’t betrayed me!”

Moonstone: “That’s right! You can trust me! Now, drink it all down!”

Womp womp.

The drug makes Blackout trance out and Moonstone uses this to start interrogating him about his origin. And... maybe trying to help him? She did start off as a therapist. And even as a villain, she sometimes does therapy.

For some damn reason, Hank “Good Ideas” Pym got her to look over Avengers Academy kids down the line and offer her thoughts on them.

Anyway. Moonstone asks how he got this way:

Blackout: “Well... I ‘spose it all started when Dr. Croit set me up so I’d have to be his guinea pig. He... charged up my body with the power of a black star! That’s why I... *yawn* ... had to punish him!”

Moonstone: “Shh! I want you to listen closely... there are no black-star energies... There’s no conspiracy against you! Let your mind drift back! I want you to tell me what really happened!”

So what really happened is here’s how a Mark Daniels became a man with a lightning bolt mask. He was a lab assistant to Dr. Croit.

Blackout: “He always wanted to be everyone’s big daddy!”

Um. Okayyy?

Anyway, Mark Daniels was helping Croit build an experimental device for tapping energy from other dimensions. And, at least according to Blackout, Dr. Croit liked Mark Daniels because he was a dummy who didn’t understand the experiment at all.

Then one day, while he longingly caressed it, the device blew up in Mark Daniels’ face, somehow making his body a control surface for tapping into another universe’s “dark force.”

Dr. Croit wanted to cure Mark Daniels who took exception to the idea of having his newfound power taken away. So he killed Dr. Croit and the other assistants.

But the power was running out of control (shouldn’t have killed the doctor, ya dingus) and before Blackout could use the stabilizer to save himself, he got stuck... somewhere. Its a bit fuzzy to him until he popped out in Project Pegasus.

Moonstone believes that his mind couldn’t cope with what happened to him so he made up the black star nonsense to be An Explanation.

Moonstone: Imagine... all of that power at the command of a raving paranoid! Yes, but he’s a paranoid who trusts me! Now that I have a handle on his power, I should be able to manipulate him into doing just about anything I wish! Why, with the dimensional-warping potential of a power like his, we could be unstoppable!

“Blackout, we have a very bright future ahead of us!”

And then Vision pops in from nowhere and gives Moonstone a startle.

She fires some of her hand pew pew at him but he’s a hologram and just sasses back.

Moonstone runs to wake up Blackout while Vision can’t help but show off how smart he is now that his computer brain is overclocked.

Vision: “It was, of course, clever of you to seek refuge in a hideaway of your former ally, Egghead! Unfortunately, with all the cross-referenced data instantly at my disposal, tracing you here was child’s play!”

Blackout wakes up and Moonstone basically points at Vision and tells him ‘get ‘im!’ and Blackout gets ‘im.

He uses the same imprisoning black sphere move on Vision as he did on Captain Marvel.

And it probably would have worked. If Vision was really here. He’s just a hologram. And, sure, the light of the hologram would probably be trapped in the sphere too. It trapped Captain Marvel when she was light. But Vision is being projected from elsewhere so he can just turn the projection off and then turn it on slightly to the left.

Vision: “I’m sorry, but that won’t work either! You see -- I’m not really here at all! But my friends are!”

Oh, Vision, you sassmaster.

Moonstone’s ‘knows when to fold them’ kind of lapsed when she was attacking Vision instead of remembering ‘hey doesn’t that guy hang with the Avengers?’ but a whole bunch of Avengers busting in reminds her.

She blasts the floor beneath her and Blackout to try to escape and has Blackout seal the hole behind them to buy time.

But Scarlet Witch is still a great counter to... maybe anyone? But especially Blackout.

She waves her hands at the black barrier and it turns into goo and drips all over Blackout and Moonstone, ensnaring them before they can even try to run.

The Avengers storm after the two villains.

Trapped, Moonstone tells Blackout its up to him to stop the Avengers!

Moonstone: “Concentrate on your power! It’s greater than you realize! If you try, you can control it completely... make it do anything! Concentrate... make this 'dark force’ release us! Yes... that’s it! You’re doing it! But you can do more than just reform the darkness into a protective sheath! You can turn it back on the Avengers... you can make them merge with the darkness! And then we can get out of here!”

Vision warns the Avengers that the dark-force is a manifestation of another universe but She-Hulk is skeptical so goes to grab Blackout out of the black goo but her arm goes right through him.

And not in the gory way that you’d see these days.

Blackout and Moonstone are pretty perplexed too.

Apparently, he done goofed and merged him and Moonstone with the darkness and the two get sucked into a singularity and disappear.

Vision: “This may be a first... Our enemies have actually imprisoned themselves!”

Geez, Vision, these assholes might be dead.

-google- Huh. Nope. They’ll be back to menace.... Dazzler? Huh. It be like that sometimes.

Sidenote: I do like that Captain Monica Marvel, as the newest to this superhero life, is the one that most visibly shows shock and consternation at two villains being sucked into an unknown fate.

It’s a nice touch.

Even though the villains maybe got away? Or got sent to the next dimension? She-Hulk congratulates Vision on finding them. And then notes, seconded by Wanda, that Vision is becoming more of a vision.

Scarlet Witch: “Darling? Your holographic projection is starting to fade!”

Vision: “So it is! I seem to be having some difficulty maintaining the transmission over the distance! Perhaps I’ve overextended myself a bit.”

He decides to switch off the projection to run a systems check.

Later, back at the mansion, the Giant Floating Head of Vision reassures everyone.

Vision: “I was just explaining to Captain Marvel that there’s nothing to worry about! As I’d already guessed, the strain of the long-distance transmission was a bit taxing. A few days of rest, and I’ll be able to transmit myself almost anywhere. Of course, by then, I hope to be physically mobile, as well.”

Scarlet Witch: “Vision, you must be more careful! It’s not safe for you to consider using this power again... not until you’re fully healed!”

Vision: “You mean ‘repaired,’ Wanda. But, yes, a certain amount of caution is required. I must adjust to this extra power in stages. Once I’ve mastered it, I’ll never be so helpless again. I’ll be able to do anything... anything!”

Well.

That’s a massive red flag.

Being locked in a tube has not done wonders for Vision’s emotional state that he always pretends he doesn’t have.

(Side note again: I like that Wasp’s costume has an open back, for her wings. It’s another nice touch.)

Starfox asks if Vision has ever had ego problems but Wasp says he’s never had a swelled head like this.

Nah, not exactly. But can you imagine!

But yeah, no, she says he’s never showed ego like this before.

Its actually such a massive red flag that everyone present seems to pick up on it.

But there’s no time to address that because they get an emergency call from Tigra.

Ah, Tigra! You were fun the short amount of time you were here. What wacky hijinxes do you have going on now?

Tigra: “I’m at St. Anthony’s Hospital in San Francisco, Jan. No, I’m fine -- but a friend of mine is literally at death’s door. She may not make it if we don’t get some help fast... and I mean big help! It’s hard to explain over the phone, but... do you believe in ghosts?”

!!!!

Why, Tigra! I didn’t know you and Spider-Woman were friends!

So next time.... uh. We won’t be addressing this right away. The next Avengers’ issue is an infamous offering from Assistant Editor’s Month and before we can even get to that, we need to look into what Hawkeye has been up to because it’s kinda relevant. Or will be relevant soon. When Marvel decides to give this liveblog a headache by splitting the party.

Oh yes, West Coast Avengers looms in the near future. As does Secret Wars. As does David Letterman!

Good grief!

Follow @essential-avengers​ because I’m going to try to cover all these things. That’s a good reason to follow, probably. Also, like and reblog if you like to reblog.

[chierafied]

hi there! jilychallenge here to give you your prompt for the 'quarantine with me?' month ❤ hope you are safe and well! your prompt is: "lily had a random one night stand but when she tries to sneak out the morning after she finds out that her one night stands' flatmate tested positive and so lily, james and sirius all have to quarantine together in james tiny apartment for 14 days, chaos ensues" looking forward to seeing what you create! :)

A very belated one shot for April’s @jilychallenge quarantine edition!

Muggle AU, fluffy goodness, 4,352 words!

A Two Week Trial Run

Casual sex wasn't something Lily Evans had. Ever.

She didn't judge those who chose to do so, but it just wasn't for her.

Or that’s what she had thought, anyway, because whoo, last night... 

Last night had sure taught her to never say never, Lily mused, staring at the bloke beside her softly snoring in the mussed up bed.

He'd been funny and fit and charming when they'd met at the pub. Lily had appreciated the flirting; she'd had several drinks in her and had been feeling down and in a need of a pick-me-up.

And her girlfriends – Marlene especially – had egged her on until Lily had finally given in. Why the hell not? What did she have to lose?

So she'd left the pub with him, had some really good sex back at his place and fallen asleep.

It was only now in the harsh light of the morning and with her head pounding from the hangover that regret was starting to creep in.

Well, not regret exactly, Lily amended, watching the guy's face scrunch up in the most adorable way in his sleep.

More like a minor existential and/or identity crisis because Lily wasn't this person who got shit-faced and went home with a guy. 

Except she’d proven herself wrong on all accounts last night. 

Not only had she had a one night stand with a total stranger, she had also enjoyed every second of it – that she could remember at least.

These mental crises were not making Lily's head hurt any less so she pushed them aside.

Priorities: find her clothes, dress, find her handbag, dry-swallow a pain killer, sneak out, walk of shame. 

Lily hadn't even got out of the bed when the door of the room suddenly banged open.

"Mate, you are not gonna believe – who the hell are you?"

Confused, Lily stared at the young man standing in the doorway wearing a band t-shirt and a disgruntled expression. 

Briefly, Lily wondered if he had a hangover too because judging from that pale cast of his face and the hoarse voice he seemed to be doing just as poorly as Lily – if not worse.

The bang from the door being so rudely flung open had startled Lily's companion awake.

He was sitting up now, his black hair sticking up every which way as he groggily reached for his glasses from the bedside table.

"None of your damn business," Lily snapped, crossing her arms.

The man swung to glare at the yawning man next to Lily.

"What did or didn't you do to her, James? Being so cross first thing in the morning."

"Maybe she is cross because first thing in the morning because you decided to burst into the bloody room," James replied.

He slanted Lily a glance and offered a small, crooked smile.

"This is my flatmate, Sirius. He can be a bit of a prick so just feel free to ignore him."

“I wouldn’t recommend ignoring me,” Sirius immediately retorted. “Not until you hear me out.”

James sighed and flopped back, his head slapping against the pillow.

“What is it?”

“I got the results.”

“What?”

“The test I had to take, remember?” Sirius huffed. “I tested positive for the thing.”

James sat up again, his knuckles white where he clutched at the blanket.

“What? You what?”

Lily’s gaze flitted between the two men, the heavy feeling in her stomach having nothing to do with the nausea she’d been trying to ignore.

“What’s going on?” she asked, her voice faltering.

“Sirius has the virus,” was James’ grim answer.

“What?”

“I got orders to go into quarantine for at least two weeks,” Sirius continued. “And so should anyone who I may have exposed to the stupid thing so… Welcome to Chez Potter-Black, Miss None of your business.”

Beside her, James was cussing up a storm and pulling at his hair.

Lily crawled under the blanket. 

Was this karma? she wondered. The universe agreeing that one night stands weren’t her thing and eagerly teaching her a lesson?

Whatever the reason behind the current mess of a situation, Lily didn’t like it one bit.

She pulled a pillow to cover her face. And screamed.

Once the anger had gone, panic settled in.

James could understand it, he was feeling rather upset for the turn of the events himself and swamped with guilt at having dragged Lily to this mess. He probably shouldn’t have gone out to the pub last night, but he’d just been so sick of Sirius’ drama queen act and bitching that he’d had to get out. 

And just because Sirius had been on the skiing trip in Austria with Remus recently didn’t have to mean anything. He certainly hadn’t been showing much of the symptoms the media kept talking about. The virus had felt like a distant thing; the test Sirius had been to little more than a formality to make sure everything was fine.

But now nothing was fine, James thought glumly, slumping against his headboard.

The only tiny glimmer of light in the current mess they’d found themselves in was that Lily was still here, and would remain here at his flat for the next two weeks.

It was a rotten thing to cling to, James was ready to admit that. But even so, he didn’t mind at all having her around.

He’d been so surprised that she had even agreed to come back to his place last night. He’d been halfway in love with her, cliché as that was, before they’d as much as crossed the threshold of his flat.

And those feelings hadn’t faded in the light of the day.

He sat, still in his bed and watched Lily as she paced his room. She made for a fascinating sight, and even with the pale, wan face and the mussed up hair she was so beautiful James’ heart ached. She was muttering to herself while she paced, and from the snatches James could hear, he understood she was comprising a to-do -list of some kind.

James was more of a spontaneous nature, so seeing someone come up with a plan so fast was super impressive.

Then, Lily stopped pacing and went to dig around in the handbag she’d had with her last night. She pulled out her phone and swore.

“Do you have a charger I can borrow? I need to ring a ton of people.”

“Of course.” James scrambled out of the bed. “And if it isn’t compatible with your phone you can use mine to ring as many people as you need.”

They found the charger, and soon enough Lily’s phone was charging.

The two of them sat back down on the bed, side by side, and looked out of the window to the grey London skies.

“I’m sorry,” James blurted out. “This isn’t how I thought this morning would go.”

“It’s okay,” Lily said. “I mean it’s not. It’s messed up. But I don’t think this is your fault.”

For a moment, they sat in silence.

James’ fingers itched to pull Lily close, but he didn’t want to presume or overstep. Just because they’d been together last night didn’t mean they were, well, together.

“So,” Lily said after a while, “out of curiosity, how did you think this morning would go?”

James swallowed. He buried his nervous fingers in his hair.

“Um. That, well… I was hoping to cook you a nice breakfast I guess. And get your number.”

James slanted Lily a glance and saw a wry smile twist her lips.

“A nice breakfast, huh? I suppose we can have that much at least. As soon as my stomach is settled and I sort this thing out a bit.”

“Sure, of course.” James met her eyes. “I promise I’ll do whatever I can so you’ll be as comfortable here as possible.”

Warmth flashed in her stormy green eyes. “Thank you.”

“Right.” James tugged at his hair. “I’m going to leave you to it. Give you some privacy so you can ring whomever. And get that breakfast started.”

James was already getting to his feet when Lily’s arms came around him.

He froze, his giddy heart leaping into his throat as he held her close for a much too short a moment.

But any moment with Lily in his arms was better than one without her, so he welcomed it, and the small glimmer of hope that sparked in his heart.

Lily had called in sick to work. She’d got Marlene to bring over a bag with a bunch of clothes and other essentials. And she’d more or less settled in, awkward as it had been at first. 

James had been wonderfully accommodating and had pretty much given his whole room for her to use. He wasn’t the issue.

Neither was his flatmate, Sirius. Despite their less than favourable first meeting, Lily was starting to slowly like Sirius, ridiculous as he was.  He didn’t appear to be all that sick, but he was milking it for all it was worth. 

Having had a male best friend, many many years ago, Lily had personal experience with the whole man-flu thing. And it hadn’t taken Lily very long to realise that Sirius was all about the drama.

No, both blokes were kinda brilliant in their ways. The awkwardness of the first few days was mainly because of the minor identity crisis that still haunted Lily. 

Besides, she just didn’t know how to feel about James, because, well… He seemed like a great guy but it was odd to have had shared such intimacy with someone she was only now starting to know.

And that’s why you don’t do one night stands, Lily chided herself while furiously kneading bread dough in James’ tiny kitchen.

The kitchen was barely bigger than a cupboard, but it had become a retreat for Lily. As long as she was in there, baking, the boys would leave her alone. 

Much as Lily did love socialising with her friends, she was an introvert at heart. 

And suddenly forced to share very limited living quarters with two strangers, one of which was ill and very extra and the other super fit and sweet and confusing and also utterly going stir-crazy though it was only their third day in, well… 

Fun as the guys seemed, Lily needed some time for herself. 

Baking had always been one of the ways she dealt with stress, and with two young men in the house, both in a possession of a bottomless stomach, it all worked out pretty well.

Lily had reached her inner zen and was just finishing shaping the loaf when the sound of James clearing his throat bought her back to reality.

“Sorry. I’m gonna squeeze past you,” he warned, then walked into the kitchen. 

In the very confined space, it was impossible not to be aware of him. She had to bite her lip when he slipped past her, his arm brushing her back.

Her nerves were humming, instantly standing at attention. And much as Lily had chided herself about the one night stand in the past couple of days, it once again became painfully clear that her body had no regrets.

Thankfully, James appeared oblivious about the reaction his presence and proximity caused because he proceeded to open the fridge.

“Didn’t wanna bother you so I tried telling Sirius he could wait a while and I’d get him a coke later but… Well, you can imagine how that went down.”

“I’m half surprised I didn’t hear the resulting tirade,” Lily said, staring at her loaf of bread.

“Well, clearly you’re preoccupied.” James stood in front of the fridge for a while, and Lily could feel the weight of his gaze on her. “You don’t have to keep doing this, you know.”

“Doing what?” Surprised, she looked up and at him, though just a moment before she’d promised herself she wouldn’t. Ignoring him was safer. 

“Baking. We can cook. Sirius is a pretty great cook when he isn’t busy playing the sickly frail little princess. And you’re our guest. And –”

“And nothing,” Lily cut in. “I know Sirius is milking it but he is sick, and letting a contagious person prepare food isn’t the best idea.”

“You’re right. Sorry. Still, it’s not fair to you. Let me help.”

“I appreciate the offer,” Lily said, her heart beating just a little faster. “But there’s only enough room for one chef in this kitchen.”

“Quite right,” James admitted with a chuckle. “I can all but feel the walls closing in on me.”

Lily smiled at her loaf. “Look, I promise I don’t mind. I enjoy baking and it relaxes me and I need relaxing in my life right now.”

“I hear that,” James said, with a rueful edge to his tone. “Every time I open the news it seems this virus is getting worse and worse.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, as long as you’re sure we’re not taking advantage,” James said, shifting from one foot to another.

“You are not,” Lily assured him. “And you are helping out a lot; you can’t really expect me to eat this all by myself.” 

James cast a look around the kitchen. When he spoke, Lily could hear the smile in his voice. “Yeah, that might take you a while.”

“And then I’d burst and that wouldn’t be pretty,” Lily said. She gestured at brownies that were cooling on the counter. “Take one to Sirius, maybe it will shut him up for a moment.”

“You are amazing,” James told her, sending her heart into a wild flutter.

Then, he left the kitchen with the bottle of coke and two brownies he snatched from the pan as he passed. 

His laughter, however, lingered. And when Lily finally slid her bread into the oven, she was still grinning like an idiot.

The days dragged on slowly, even though the three of them had found various ways to entertain themselves in the small two-bedroom flat.

They’d had a video game tournament, which Sirius had naturally won. The surprise – to all of them, it seemed – was that Lily had come in second. After that, they had gone on to binge-watch every single episode of Queer Eye available on Netflix. 

There had been many long conversations spanning a whole variety of topics. 

And, of course, endless squabbles because that’s what happens when three differing temperaments, all of them in various states of ill-humour, were forced to share a confined space for an extended period of time. 

There had been one spectacular evening of badly sung karaoke to songs found on Youtube. That had helped to balance nicely the countless hours they had spent playing Scrabble or Texas hold ‘em. 

Lily had been filling their kitchen with all manners of baked goods and James had become a clean freak, tidying up the place and disinfecting surfaces several times a day.

And despite all these diverting pastimes James was still the one who was handling it the worst, which was a feat considering that this was his flat and unlike Lily, he hadn’t been stuck in an unfamiliar environment with two strangers. 

But James was an active person. And an extroverted person. He loved going out. Without his regular morning jog, the stress was really building up. 

He’d tried getting some move on with the help of the home work out videos that the internet was suddenly full of, but it just wasn’t the same.

Lily’s presence wasn’t exactly calming either. Although James loved to have her around, she seemed to possess the unique ability to render James instantly back to his fifteen-year-old self: jittery, stammering, and desperately wanting to appear cool in front of his crush, the initials of whom he kept doodling in the margins of his notes.

It was a state he hadn’t found himself in since those early days of his very first bout of puppy love. And while a part of him felt giddy about the unexpected return and what it might signify, the timing of it was decidedly unfortunate. 

Oddly enough, the moments of the day he had come to appreciate the most, during which he had found most calm, were the ones in the late evenings that he would spend in Lily’s company.

He’d handed his room over to her use and had gentlemanly volunteered to take the couch in the living room. One evening, he’d come in to get a fresh shirt out of his wardrobe and had found Lily lying on the bed.

So as not to blush at the sight and the memories it evoked, he focused his attention on the device she was holding.

“Is that a tablet? Looks small.”

Lily glanced up and spared him a smile that immediately made his heartbeat pick up. 

“No, it’s an e-reader.”

“Really? I haven’t seen one up close. Must be convenient.”

“It is. Reading relaxes me so it’s a good way to ensure I always have a whole library with me.”

Lily grinned at him, and by that point, James had wholly forgotten about his shirts and his wardrobe. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed.

“What are you reading?” he asked, unable to contain his curiosity.

“Just started this murder mystery,” Lily said. “It’s been nice so far.”

“Sounds cool,” James said. Then, a little wistfully, he added: “Haven’t been able to read a book in ages myself.”

“Really?” Lily, who clearly must be an avid reader seemed almost scandalised by this. “How come?”

“I guess all the research papers in uni put me off from some of it. Mostly though it’s like I just can't concentrate enough to take in the information, you know?”

“Ahh, makes sense. Sitting still doesn’t seem to be your forte,” Lily commented, her eyes twinkling in a way that softened the teasing.

James let out a short laugh. “That’s too true.”

“Maybe you should give audiobooks a try,” Lily suggested.

Feeling bold, James took a leap. “Maybe you could try reading out loud.”

Lily blinked, but rather than outright sputter at the idea, she tilted her head in thought. 

“Would you really like that?”

“Yeah I think that would be nice,” James said, the glimmer of hope in his heart gaining strength.

And that was how, every evening now, James and Lily would both be lying down on his bed while Lily read the murder mystery aloud to him. 

It settled James, in a way few things in life did. He wasn’t sure if it was Lily’s nearness, the warmth of her voice or the engrossing story they were reading.

Most probably some combination of all of them.

All James knew was that he already was dreading their quarantine coming to an end, because as maddening as being stuck in the flat was for him, this new evening routine was something he would sorely miss.

But even more than that, he would miss the company of one Lily Evans.

Time had become a strange, mystical creature. Though each day had felt like a slow crawl, the weeks had taken flight.

One morning, while sipping her tea, Lily was momentarily stunned as she realised twelve days had passed. 

In just two more days, she could go home.

Sirius was still sick, but his symptoms had remained mild and he had improved in the past couple of days. By some miracle, neither James nor Lily had contracted the virus, as both of them still felt completely fine. 

Perhaps all James’ maniacal cleaning during the long, slow days of their quarantine had paid off.  

She was smiling into her cup of tea when a bleary-eyed James sat up on his makeshift bed on the sofa and ran his hand through his hair.

“What time is it?”

Lily glanced at her phone. “It’s almost half-seven. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“You did,” James said, putting his glasses on, “but it’s fine. I usually wake up much earlier than I have been this whole week.”

“Ah, right,” Lily said, remembering their conversation from several days back. “Well, soon enough you’ll be back jogging every morning.”

“I can’t wait,” James said fervently, earning another smile from Lily.

James got up from the sofa and stretched. 

Lily unashamedly admired his physique while he bent to retrieve his trousers and pulled them on. 

While James walked past her into the cupboard pretending to be the kitchen, Lily busied herself with her breakfast.

James emerged a moment later and sat down at the small table next to her, a cup of coffee in hand.

“You know what’s funny?” Lily asked, after a moment of quiet companionship.

Sirius wouldn’t wake up before 10 o'clock, so they always had mornings to themselves.

“What’s that?” James asked, his elbows propped on the table, biceps curling just below the sleeve of his t-shirt.

“I felt so awkward being here with you guys at first,” Lily confessed. “And now in less than two weeks I’m almost used to this.”

James was silent for a moment, one nervous finger tapping at his coffee mug, his jaw clenching.

Then, he swallowed and met her eyes.

“You know what else is funny?” he asked in a soft voice.

“What?” Lily managed, her own voice hushed by the storm she could see in his hazel eyes. 

Anticipation crept up her spine and she leaned towards him. Her breath caught at the expression flitting across James’ face.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

Lily’s heart leapt and her stomach erupted with the butterflies. She’d barely even processed the words, when James continued, a definite blush colouring his cheeks.

“I mean,” he said with a slight stammer, “obviously you’re looking forward to going home and I want you to go home too and this whole thing has been just one big mess and I feel like we’ve done everything the wrong way around –”

Lily reached across the table and gently took James’ hand that had been restlessly drumming against the tabletop.

He fell silent and when their eyes met, his blush deepened.

James sighed, and run his other hand through his hair, messing it up even more. 

It was a gesture that had become both familiar and endearing to Lily in these past twelve days, and her heart ached. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about anyone,” James said at last, squeezing her hand.

“Well then, after I get home you’re gonna have to ring me and ask me out for a real date,” Lily said, unable to hold back the smile blooming on her lips. 

She wasn’t sure either if she’d ever quite felt the way she did right at this moment, wrapped up in the tenderness of James’ obvious regard. 

“Does that mean I’m getting your number after all?” James replied, grinning at her as the mood lightened. 

“Yes.”

They smiled at each other. 

And because it was ridiculous how much her heart could race from just holding hands, Lily couldn’t help adding: “If you fail to ring me, I will hunt you down. After all, I know where you live.”

James burst into laughter. 

Lily had thought she couldn’t be happier than she was just then, watching James laugh. But she was proven wrong in the next moment when his thumb brushed across her knuckles.

Maybe they had done everything the wrong way around as James had said… But it had certainly worked out.

If this was just the beginning, she couldn’t wait to see what would come next.

Two days later, early in the morning, they parted ways.

There were no tears, but they held each other for a long moment, both of them just as unwilling to let go. And the kiss Lily pulled James into in the doorway was lingering as well.

The memory of it still warmed her, as Lily got safely back to her flat. 

The peace and quiet that greeted her were both welcoming and unsettling. After not being alone for so many days, being on her own felt strange. 

But also good.

She kept busy for most of the day, making sure she was stocked up on food and that everything seemed clean and nice. 

She might no longer be in quarantine, but the news of the virus seemed to get worse and scarier day after day, so she was in no hurry to get back out there.

That evening, Lily was happy – no, she was ecstatic – to be lying in her own bed at last. 

It was smaller than the one she’d slept during her quarantine and her sheets didn’t carry James’ scent… But snuggled into a small mountain of pillows she was perfectly comfortable even as she frowned at the e-reader in her lap. 

She couldn’t continue the book. The words kept getting stuck somewhere between her eyes and her restless brain. She couldn’t concentrate on the story when her mind was busy reminiscing the evening moments spent in James' company.

A smile tugged at her lips until the sound of her ringtone dragged her away from the memories. 

Lily reached for her phone, the smile turning into a proper grin as she saw the name on the display.

“Hello?” she answered the phone.

“So I’d ask you out,” James’ voice drawled from the other end, “but it seems there’s a global pandemic out there.”

“That does sound like a small drawback,” Lily replied, falling right back into the easy banter, as if she’d never left.

“Raincheck on the date?” James said.

“Definitely. I’m not letting you off the hook so easily,” Lily said.

“Good. I’m very comfortable on the hook,” James said, earning a laugh from Lily. “But now to the real business.”

“Which is?” 

“So the investigator was lured into the cellar, right? And then the door was bolted shut. Does he get out? How?”

Lily snuggled back into her pillows, her smile so wide her cheeks were starting to hurt. 

“Well you’ll have to listen and find out,” she told him.

Then, she picked up the e-reader with her free hand and began to read out loud.

[pochapal]

rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking: 

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3. 

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it. 

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with. 

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.