#and also who would like to destroy some trees but like. probably should not destroy some trees.

[essektheylyss]

I changed my discord status to "Only YOU can create forest fires!" with the This Is Fine dog emoji during the Candela episode, and it is admittedly very funny with regards to my dnd games this weekend, in the first of which I was aggressively pushing for arson in the middle of the Colorado wilderness, and in the second of which I have been emphatically told not to further assault a tree.

[yelenaslyubov]

A New Frontier: Part 2

a new frontier // part 1 // part 2 // part 3 (coming soon)

main masterlist || yelena belova || requests

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ pairing: yelena belova x reader

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ warnings: little language, and mentions of nudity? (also i did not read this over again after i finished, so possible spelling errors🙈)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ description: after finding out the challenge that you and the Avengers are up against, you become increasingly nervous. not only are you up against Hydra, but learning new things takes you to new heights.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ word count: 4.1k

“Hydra! But I thought Hydra was destroyed?”

Yelena shhhed you. “Why are you acting surprised about this?”

You didn’t want to admit that you had fallen asleep during Tony’s announcement but you were not sure how to explain your screw up.

“Uhm, I may have possibly fallen asleep when Tony was giving the briefing…”

She looked at you for a moment and then chuckled to herself. “So you’re telling me that you had no idea where we were going, who we were up against, or what we’re here to do?”

You nodded your head embarrassingly.

“Why didn’t you ask?” she said blatantly.

“I didn’t want to look weak or for people to think I don’t take this seriously.”

Yelena looked almost sad for a moment, but it quickly passed. “Well now you know.”

You looked longingly at the facility down below. You couldn’t believe what you were up against now, but then again, you weren’t sure exactly what you were planning on facing in the beginning. Space people? Again?

“Come on,” Yelena said, “we should probably head back before anyone decides to lose their marbles.”

You reluctantly followed Yelena back to the truck and sat down in the passenger’s seat. You looked at the GPS and it said it would take you both about 20 minutes to find base camp. Once you buckled up you looked over to Yelena while she was driving.

“So…what’s Hydra up to now? Why are they back?”

“Apparently there were undercover Hydra agents that lived in the shadows and built this. They’ve been researching and studying new ways to build weapons and other destructive materials. Fun right?” Yelena said in a monotone voice.

“It’s kind of like the nuclear race all over again, except it’s one sided… so I guess it is nothing like that.”

The conversation faded after your words were exchanged. You hadn’t fully processed the fact that you were up against Hydra. You almost wished that there was some sort of alien mutant you were fighting against because it sounded better. This was serious shit.

You tried to take your mind off the anxiety that was suddenly weighing down on your chest. It was amazing how clear the sky was away from light. The stars seemed to shine brighter than ever, and the moon illuminated the vast land that looked as if it extended forever into the long nothingness.

The trees were vessels for your imagination. You imagined running your fingers through their thin bristles and getting lost in their scent. The trees were different out west. They had a way of holding their secrets, almost as if they had seen the history of the world and new places unfold in front of them.

You were too busy daydreaming of other worlds to notice the building way out in front of you with a few warm lights shining from it. The closer you came you could see the log house that sat bundled by trees, and a barn almost bigger to the right of it. It looked cozy enough for what you needed it for, but this was all unfamiliar territory for you, as you had always lived in the city.

Yelena pulled the truck next to the other two. The first two trucks still felt warm so you knew you hadn’t been gone very long. A chill crawled up your spine and made you shiver. I guess everyone was right; the scorching desert finds a way to tame itself at night.

You unloaded your belongings from the truck and headed inside to find everyone crowded in the living room.

“Oh god, here comes the welcoming committee,”

Yelena groaned.

They were all crammed on the two small couches and all along the floor. Some had their arms crossed and others were sound asleep.

“Steve said ‘no one gets left behind,’ so here we are waiting for the two of you to roll in. I hope you’re all safe and sound after your detour,” Natasha said with sarcasm dripping from her tongue

“Listen-” Yelena started.

“It was my fault,” you interrupted. Yelena looked at you with her eyebrows furrowed. “I got car sick so we had to pull off to the side of the road.”

“I’m glad you both are alright,” Steve said. “Let’s wrap it up and get some shut eye. We have a big day in store tomorrow.”

You looked over at Kamala and Kate with worried expressions. A big day could mean anything, but now you knew what was at stake and you didn’t want to find out what it meant.

Everyone split up amongst each other and found their rooms. There were four small bedrooms to choose from with limited space. You carefully inspected where everyone was going to ensure you got the room you wanted. You followed Kate and Kamala to the back bedroom which held three twin beds.

As you looked back, you noticed that Yelena had joined Natasha and Wanda despite her frustrations with them. You had a small pit in your stomach for some odd reason you couldn’t figure out. You watched as she walked inside without a glance. You scurried inside your room promptly so you didn’t draw attention to your staring.

“I call the bed by the window!” Kamala chanted. Kate took the bed in the middle and you settled for the bed closest to the door. The first person to be attacked if anything ever happened while at base.

“This room looks almost like John Wayne decorated it himself. What is that?” Kate looked at a small brass handle that held a glass sort of lamp shade on it.

“It’s an oil lamp,” you responded. “That in itself should tell you how long ago this was decorated.”

The three of you began unloading your belongings into the rustic chests that lived at the end of each of the beds. Space was limited so a closet wasn’t an option this time around. You giggled to yourself at the sheer amount of items Kamala had brought with her.

“So…car sick huh?” Kate asked you in a mischievous tone.

“Yeah uhm, ever since I was little I’ve gotten car sick,” you chuckled.

“But being in the jet doesn’t bother you?”

You were silent for a moment. “I guess so.”

Kate didn’t seem satisfied with the conversation, but you didn’t feel the need to dive into the subject anymore. You were afraid that they would ask too many questions and become curious about you Yelena. If there was nothing going on between you and Yelena, there would be no reason to question it…right?

You finished unpacking your things in silence while the other two girls got ready for bed. You weren’t fully comfortable around everyone yet so you felt it would be better if you got prepared for bed in the bathroom.

When you left the bedroom to find the bathroom, you almost ran straight into Yelena once again.

“We have to stop meeting like this,” you laughed. You soon turned red when you looked down to find Yelena in pants and only a sports bra.

“There are worse things, y/n y/l/n” she said with the slightest of smirks. “See you in the morning for a ‘big day’”

You couldn’t remember in that moment if you had said anything back, as the memory of her frame had burned into your memory. You walked into the bathroom and let out the breath you had apparently been holding in. Muscle memory was in overdrive as you got ready for bed. Your mind was too preoccupied for simple things such as a night routine.

When you entered your bedroom again, Kate and Kamala had already fallen asleep and the room was dark. There was nothing left awake but your mind and soul, and they were both screaming.

You crawled into your cold bed and you winced at the material of the bedding. It was a mixture of the age old fabric and the temperature that it created. You got used to it quickly and found that the bed itself was more comfortable than expected.

Once you had settled, the only thing left to quiet was your head. The image of Yelena hadn’t left since it had arrived. Did she possibly know what she was doing to you, or was she oblivious to the feelings she created within you? You wished now that you had found a way to room with her, but it was better this way. There’s enough trouble between Natasha and Wanda for everyone, the Avengers don’t need another relationship on their hands.

You flipped in bed to get comfortable and you were facing the window. You could see the twinkle of the stars that were peeking through the bristles of the trees outside. The light from the moon usually would have been distracting, but this time it was your guiding light to sleep.

Your eyelids became heavy and fluttered as you admired the moon hung in the sky, and you couldn’t help but wonder what tomorrow held.

.

.

.

Your body jumped and you were awake when a loud knock sounded against the door.

“Up and at ‘em!” Clint yelled outside. All three of you groaned. You could tell by the color of the sky that it was entirely too early to be awake.

As you looked through your trunk for something to wear, you realized the lack of specification in your wardrobe due to your lack of information. You decided on something easy that you could move in, while also trying to fit the form of an Avenger.

The three of you got ready to leave and you already regretted your clothing decision, but you had no choice. Walking down the hallway you noticed everyone in jeans, boots, and their own choice of a shirt. You suddenly became very aware of your separation from the rest of the crowd.

The groggy faces that passed down the hallway all filed outside where Steve and a few others were waiting. They were standing near the mysterious barn that you had seen last night with Yelena.

“Nice of y’all to join us,” Sam said with a smile.

“Like we had a choice, man,” Peter whined.

“Alright,” Steve clapped his hands, “since we’re all here, we can get started. Who has ridden horses before?”

“Oh god,” you mumbled quietly.

You looked around and found that Clint, Bucky, Sam, and Nat were nodding. As for the rest of the group, they looked around awkwardly.

“When have you ever ridden a horse?” Wanda whispered to Nat.

“There’s a lot of things you still need to learn about me,” Nat winked.

While you were worried, Kamala had the biggest grin on her face as she was trying to keep her excitement level to a minimum. You and Kate on the other hand were feeding off of the other’s anxiety. You looked at Yelena and she looked cool as a cucumber. Nothing could ever shake her and that’s what made her so intimidating.

“Well today is your lucky day,” Steve said. “We’ve been provided with a whole herd as you could say. In the barn are an assortment of different horses to choose from, and you will also be learning to ride with them so you feel comfortable with one another before putting yourself in a dangerous situation.”

There was a moment of silence before Yelena spoke up. “So, I get the whole western cowboy bit, it’s funny it really is, but why are we doing it? We have perfectly good trucks and our strength.”

“Great question,” Clint piped up. “Even though those are more efficient methods, in this situation, we are trying to be as stealthy as possible. Any attraction to the abnormal will draw attention, such as an excessive amount of dust being caused by the vehicles or for instance, the power of Avengers.”

‘The power of Avengers’ you thought. You thought long and hard. Hydra was in the process of making weapons of mass destruction, and what would those weapons need? It all starts with a flame.

“What about me?” you asked. “When there does come a time where we need to use powers, what about me?”

You were discovered by the Avengers after a faulty incident involving a fire. You were studying at NYU when a science experiment in your chemistry lab went horribly wrong. The concoction caught fire and you were trapped in the building along with other students. By some miracle, you survived it, but the others perished. Some say that you emerged made of fire yourself, but either way, you remained unscathed after the accident. Ever since then, you’ve been able to harness the power of fire and use it to your advantage. You found that this may be hard in the current situation.

“Uhm,” Steve said hesitantly, “we’ve all briefly discussed that, and for the safety of us here, we’d like to feel the fire to a minimum is possible. Of course there will be circumstances that require you to use them, but keep it tamed for now.” You nodded in agreement.

You felt a bit defeated. Why were you invited on this mission if you weren’t even able to use your powers to your advantage? You understood that you were new, but that seemed even more reason to leave you behind.

“Getting back on track,” Clint clapped his hands together.

“Right, right,” Steve awkwardly laughed. “Today we’re going to pick our steeds for the time being. They’re fully trained and broken, it’s just your job as a rider to become comfortable around your horse so you’re able to have a successful time together. But first, you have to find a horse that you click with.”

You all started to walk off before Bucky called back out to you. “And another thing…with the help of the Wakandans, we’ve been able to provide a vibranium shield around the property that disguises our location. That means it’s important to learn your surroundings and pay attention to your tracker because this shield will be enabled at all times. When outside the shield, the house and the barn, along with everything beside it will disappear and it’ll look as if it’s a normal forest. This is for your safety and ours while completing this mission, so be smart.”

“Everyone convene in the barn to choose your pick of the bunch and we’ll go from there,” Steve announced.

“Woah,” Peter and Kamala said in unison.

“We’re like real superheroes!” Kamala exclaimed and you smiled back. You weren’t as vocal about your opportunity as an Avenger, but this was just as surreal for you as it was for her. You were more reserved about it but it was hard for you to contain yourself once you were fully immersed in the full top secret mission.

Kamala opened the barn door first since she found it so hard to wait. You were greeted with an unpleasant smell that infiltrated your nose, but you tried to ignore it since you figured you would have to get used to the stench. Something brushed against your leg and you looked down to see a banged up barn cat that was rubbing itself all over your legs.

“Oh god, cats,” Kate groaned.

“What, not a cat person?” you asked, surprised.

“No, Lucky is my one and only, he’s all I need,” she said.

You looked around the barn briefly where you found a small workshop that was crowded by old, rusted tools, fine leathers, and other farm gear. There were also black and white photos that were hanging upon the wall of people who meant nothing to you. Though they meant nothing to you, they looked as if they were special to someone else.

Beyond the front wall were the rows of stalls that held the horses you were to choose from. For some reason you felt yourself become very nervous. Of course you hadn’t ridden a horse before, but that didn’t seem to be the cause of your anxiety.

You wanted to be able to pick the right horse that would help you be the most successful. That is, a companion that would keep you safe and listen to you throughout this mission. You didn’t want to make any mistake that would give the impression you didn’t take this position seriously.

You strolled down the soft bedded ground littered with hay and observed all the horses to choose from. There were a couple tan ones, black, and brown. You didn’t feel like any of them were speaking to you, so you kept walking.

Down at the very end of the stall lived one horse. It caught your eye so you decided to take a peek. When you looked inside the dark stall there was a built stallion standing in the middle. His black hair was disheveled and long, but it contrasted well against his tan midsection.

You didn’t know how, but you felt like this was the one. Something about the energy between the two of you was electric and you didn’t want that to slip away. You looked down at his nameplate and gasped. His name was Ember and it was almost as if it was written in the sand long before you had walked upon it. It was fate.

The heavy barn door opened with a long clang and you walked inside slowly. You held your hand out hoping that he could muster up the courage to form a connection.

“Here, boy,” you encouraged him. “I don’t wanna hurt you, I just wanna be friends.”

He walked over slowly and sniffed your palm to gain comfortability, then he nibbled at your hand. It tickled your hand and made you laugh. You rubbed the side of his face and scratched his fur. You were satisfied with your match.

You walked out of the stall and looked around at everyone else. Based on the look of it, it seemed like everyone had made their pick. Without thinking, you found yourself looking for Yelena. You spotted her off to the far right with another horse that was tan and had light hair. The horse looked as if it was licking her face which made Yelena laugh like you had never heard before. Suddenly, you had discovered your favorite sound.

Before you got too sucked in, you looked at the others and could tell by the smile on their faces that they had all matched.

Steve then began coming around to each of it to teach us how to place the halters and saddles on each of the horses. Each of us had to know how to do it on our own in order to even ride the horses. The process was straightforward and before you knew it you were leading each of your horses outside for your next mission.

You joined Kate and Kamala where they stood with their new companions and you were surprised to find Yelena standing by them as well, conversing with Kate. “Hey!” you smiled and they all greeted you.

“Did you see how pretty my horse is?!” Kamala asked you. “Her name is Pumpkin.”

“Mine is Ember.”

“Aw, that’s so cool!”

“What about you, Kate?”

Kate patted her horse on the side. “This is my boy Angus.”

“What happened to Lucky being your one and only?” you sarcastically asked.

“Oh hush. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“What about you, Yelena?” you daringly asked. “What about your horse?”

She smiled from ear to ear. “This is Jackie and we match! Look at our hair.” She held up a strand of hair to her horse and the blonde matched the other. “Plus, she’s short like me!”

You had never seen Yelena this excited about something. Granted, you had not spent much time around her, but she seemed like a generally dissatisfied person about things. You were happy to see her so thrilled over something. Your heart seemed to be skipping a beat more than it usually does.

“Now that we’re all here together again, we’ve made it past the easy part. It’s time to connect and ride with your new horse so you’re more prepared to fight out there. We’re going to take turns in the arena so each of you have time to feel them out,” Steve explained.

You took a deep breath and tried to calm your nerves for what was to come. You didn’t know what to expect out of this but you tried to keep an open mind.

People went before you and you watched a couple fall, but more often than not, everyone succeeded. Kate went in pretty neutral and she only seemed to falter once, but she looked as confident as ever; no surprise there. Kamala went in too strong and it paid off for her. She rode around as fast as the wind, only riding with her heart and not her head. It always somehow worked for her.

Then came Yelena. Due to her previous reaction over her new match, you expected her to do decently. When she stepped out on the dirt, she thrived. She looked as if she had ridden every moment of her life. She looked like she belonged out there. It made your whole body seem to relax and prepare for your turn. Her radiance made your sense of self skyrocket.

It was now your turn and you entered the arena with Ember to guide you. Once you jumped on, you slowly tried your hand at guiding him around the fence.

“Nice job, boy. You got it.” You were really feeding the compliments to yourself so you wouldn’t chicken out. It was the only thing taking your mind off of your possible failure. That, and the fact that Yelena was staring at you from behind the fence. It was something you couldn’t get out of your head, but it was also clouding your judgment. You needed to focus on what was in front of you.

You tapped your foot against Ember’s side to signal he could speed up. You seemed to get a hang of it fairly quickly and you were proud. He kept his pace at a stride but you wanted to push it farther.

“Come on, boy. Let’s pick it up a bit,” you instructed him. He started lightly running so that you could test out the water.

You smiled as he galloped around the arena. You were ecstatic that it was going so well. You looked over by the fence to see Kate and Kamala clapping and cheering you on. To the right of them at the edge of the fence stood Yelena who was smiling directly at you. She had her arms leaning over the front of the fence with her flannel buttons opened slightly, causing your arms to turn into jelly. Her braided blonde hair was enchanting, so much so that you didn’t realize you were about to crash into the fence in front of you.

“Y/n, watch out!” Yelena screamed, but it was too late.

Ember had stopped right in his place, sending you soaring over the top of him and over the fence. You landed on the ground outside the fence and you could already feel your back throbbing.

“Shit,” you groaned, trying to pick yourself up off the ground.

You were surprised to find that Yelena was the first person to reach you. “Are you alright?” she asked you.

“Ask me in about 20 minutes,” you mustered a laugh.

“Let me help you up.” Yelena extended her hand out to you. You grabbed it and she helped hoist you up off the ground. Kate and Kamala soon ran after you.

“Are you hurt?” Kate asked quickly.

“I don’t think so.” You dusted yourself off the best you could and you watched your friend’s faces fall down to stare below your waist.

“Uhm, y/n, you might wanna look down,” Kamala whispered.

You looked down at yourself to find that your shorts had ripped up the side. You gasped and tried to hold the fabric together. Yelena saw your concerned face and, without thinking, she took her flannel off to wrap it around your waist.

Kate and Kamala looked between each other and smirked. The situation was made worse when you tried everything inside of you to keep your cheeks from turning red. Yelena was touching you and she gave you her jacket.

“Clearly I was underprepared,” you chuckled.

“I have just the idea,” Kate said. “Shopping trip!”

“Where in the world are we going to go shopping over here, Kate?” you asked. “I don’t really think there will be a mall chilling in the desert somewhere.”

“Unfortunately, we’re going to have to think smaller. Are you ready for another adventure?”

You sighed. “I guess as ready as I will ever be.”

You kept Yelena’s jacket awkwardly wrapped around your waist as you walked across the grass and into the house to accompany Kate on the shopping trip that you never dreamed of.

.

.

.

☞ join my taglist!

if anyone in particular would like to be added to my series taglist, you can always comment down below↓ :)

taglist: @youreatotalposer // @xxromanoffxx // @avengerswriter4eva // @xxxtwilightaxelxxx // @la-reine-des-enfers // @chickenlittlsblog // @belovasecho // @youresuchamom // @kacka84 // @alotofpockets // @yamum-com // @maia-lightwoood // @lifeontop // @marvelwomen-simp // @sarah5462 // @jackharlowsshawty // @batmanzbae-blog // @yelenabelovasbxtch // @marvelfan98 // @an-evergreen-rose // @popeheywardssecretgf // @lovelyy-moonlight // @justthis-stuff // @sat-yrr // @mythosphere-x // @daenerys713 // @bentleywolf29 // @natasha25052 // @ortega29 // @sherlockstrangewolf // @writing-randomness // @twentyonetornmyheart // @mathxa // @push-on-me // @natasha-romanoffs-world // @jade-maximoff // @flosbelova // @tobiaslut

[shadowshrike]

The Curious Case of Halsin and Astarion's Ascension

For anyone who's occasionally poked around my stuff, you probably know that I found my Evil run of Baldur's Gate 3 (by which I mean my selfish run where I tried to gain as much power, wealth, and companion trust as I could) to be my most satisfying thus far. Part of that was the unique experience of having Halsin ask to join Tav and Astarion's relationship post-Ascension.

At the time, I said yes because it made sense for my character to "collect" an Archdruid. Out of character, I was tickled by the idea that Halsin confessed after Astarion became the new biggest bad in the land. Halsin was supposed to be a Good guy. Surely, either a possessive Astarion would be spitting mad about the arrangement, or Halsin would have second thoughts about Mr. Vampire Ascendent once he got a taste. I was ready for the drama.

It never came. In fact, the glimpses of their dynamic were so comfortable and playful that I was shocked.

Since then I've been doing a lot of thinking about Halsin and why he might act how he does throughout the Ascension storyline. I realize most of this can be handwaved with 'fanservicey romance writing.' That's true for parts of all romance paths, honestly, and I don't consider it a wholly bad thing given the game's goal to make you its center. However, I think being dismissive of the writing is not as much fun as building headcanons that work with any set of behaviors or lines you get.

So enjoy some theories pulled from datamined dialogue and my personal games. As always, this is completely hypothetical - I encourage everyone to write 'canon' in their personal playthroughs however they prefer.

Note: it's impossible to get all these lines in a single run due to some hinging on Astarion leaving and some may be bugged or near impossible to trigger. They're just being used to explore a character and dynamic that I don't see much of around fan spaces.

Halsin on the value of lives

To briefly set the stage, it's important to understand how Halsin views life and justice. He spells it out rather clearly if Kagha kills Arabella and her parents are also dead.

Halsin doesn't consider himself to be an arbiter of good and evil, only a steward of nature and its Balance. He highly values life. However, it's not him, the leader of the Grove, who is ultimately responsible for deciding Kagha's fate; it's the wronged parties or, barring that, nature itself who should decide her true punishment.

Halsin: As for the idol? It's nothing compared to a life. A mere object, next to one of nature's creations. I cannot absolve you, even if you are repentant. The girl's parents should have decided your fate, but they perished. Instead, nature will judge you. You are banished from this place - banished from everywhere the Oak Father's creations thrive.

But valuing the sanctity of life doesn't mean he doesn't also understand the importance of sacrifice. For example, if Wyll chooses his freedom over his father, Halsin counsels that it's a necessity to sacrifice to grow at times, no matter how unpleasant.

Halsin: You made a hard choice, Wyll. But not one that is unknown in nature. At times, a seedling must strangle the very tree that bore it, if it is to survive.

The price of 7000

So, Halsin's not a big fan of sacrificing life, yet understands that sometimes, people need to die for others to thrive.

But what about 7000 lives? A whole village worth?

That level of sacrifice sounds an awful lot like the day his life was destroyed by Ketheric and the Shadow Curse. A horrible event that haunted his every thought and deed for the next 100 years.

Within this context, it makes sense that all of his responses during the Ascension, whether Astarion does it or not, are focused on the price being paid. He usually emphasizes the sheer number of people affected and never discusses Astarion's potential evil (more on that later) or the undead nature of those lives.

Halsin: Stay your hand, Astarion. To sacrifice so many is a tyrant's ambition.

Halsin: All those lives snuffed out, just to grasp some power. That was craven - unnatural.

Halsin: Astarion resisted the allure of Cazador's would-be powers - and I am glad of it. Whatever he would have gained would have come at a great price.

The interesting part about this is, as an Archdruid of Silvanus, those undead lives should be considered an abomination. The Oath of Ancients oath break if you free the spawn reminds us of this. So Halsin's advice to save the spawn is not necessarily druidic advice - it is a personal opinion wrapped in flimsy druidic justifications.

He even recognizes undead as unnatural when you enter Cazador's home:

Halsin: A lair of undeath - most unnatural. We must tread carefully.

Yet about the spawn, who are undead and an intimate part of that unnaturalness, he says this about releasing them:

Halsin: Good - they deserve a chance at life. Nature will handle their fates from here.

Mercy for all monsters?

This is interesting to compare to another encounter with a smaller version of an eerily similar choice in Act III. The mindflayer in the Windmill - a person turned into a monster, much like a spawn. Allow it to live, and it may devour a family. In that case, Halsin says:

Halsin: We allowed this unnatural thing to live - now a whole family's worth of blood is on our hands.

He joins a host of other Good companions who curse themselves for showing mercy where it wasn't warranted. These are largely the same companions who would also save the spawn.

Karlach: This is our fault. These people died because of us. What were we thinking?

Wyll: Justice does not entail granting mercy to monsters. We should not have let this abomination go free.

Gale: A cruel conclusion to the mercy we showed, but hardly an unpredictable one. As long as it lives, so will its appetite.

The contradictory perspective taken during these two storylines shows the importance of emotional context in how we make decisions. For most, their traveling companion, who also has a tadpole, is the first vampire spawn they've ever met, while mindflayers have generally been the big evil this entire time. This could lead them to feel as though a horde of spawn may have enough humanity to need a chance, while a newborn Mindflayer should be exterminated on sight. Also, most of the other Good companions are relatively young and idealistic, so it makes sense that some may make foolhardy, heroic decisions.

But this encounter also begs the question: if these heroes are so distraught by having the blood of one family on their hands due to a single hungry mindflayer they saved, how could they justify letting 7000 starving monsters with unquenchable bloodlust free? Are they simply kind-hearted and short-sighted? Or maybe they're only optimistic about the hunger of vampire spawn, despite having personal examples of both a spawn and a mindflayer who manage their hunger equally ethically - by feeding on enemies and criminals.

Their naivety is driven home by Jaheira not being moved by the mindflayer or the spawn due to her extensive life experience. She believes in both cases that the greater mercy is to kill the creatures now.

(About the spawn) Jaheira: And what of the living they'll feast on, should they not prove as admirable as Astarion? They deserve a chance, too.

(About mindflayer) Jaheira: Look well. Our stupidity. Our price to pay.

Halsin is even older. He's a devout druid. He recognizes undead as unnatural. By all accounts, he should be on the same page as Jaheira to preserve the Balance. Yet in the face of that, he still advises to give the spawn a chance to live free, likely wreaking havoc wherever they need to feed.

I like to think this strange blind spot in his doctrine is due to a combination of Astarion's presence humanizing the unknown spawn, therefore making their unlives worthy of protection, and his own history as a genocide survivor creating an emotional reaction strong enough to override his usual wisdom. The price of a village is simply too devastating and personal for him to condone. No matter what letting 7000 ravenous undead free may mean.

Making the price worth it

Once you've ascended Astarion, you may be surprised that Halsin - generally a good man - is now steadfastly on Astarion's side. His reactions to the Gur conflict highlight this. If you side with Astarion against them, he's not happy, but resolute.

Halsin: An unfortunate battle... but I must stand by those I count as allies.

And if you decide Astarion is evil now and side with the Gur, Halsin doesn't seem to care about what Astarion has become, only that you allowed the sacrifice to happen and then let it go to waste:

Halsin: We allowed Astarion to sacrifice so many, only to just turn on him soon after? We should have stopped him sooner.

In contrast, many other companions call Ascended Astarion a monster, evil, or maniacal if you turn on him. They believe killing him at that point was the only right answer.

Karlach: It's done. It had to be done. Astarion was... out of control. Gods dammit. Look, he was an evil leech, but he was ours. I thought he'd changed. I was wrong. I always am these days.

Minsc: Do not mourn Astarion. The Gur are known to be a just and righteous people among the Rashemaar. They named Astarion monster, and so monster he was. Yes, Boo - even if he sometimes seemed a friend.

Gale: That's one scourge eliminated. A vampire with that much power would be a death sentence for this city. A pity Astarion didn't understand that. Or rather, didn't care.

Lae'zel: Astarion proved himself no less maniacal than his master. His death was a favour - to him, to us, and to the city.

Wyll: Hunt the monsters of the Sword Coast, protect the people - that was my promise. Killing Astarion was the right thing to do. I have to believe that. But I'm not proud of it. Not after... all this.

Ignoring Astarion's evil and telling you that you shouldn't have betrayed him may seem odd for a character who usually has a strong moral compass. Especially since Halsin doesn't tell you that you shouldn't have betrayed Shadowheart if you choose that path, though he's wary of that decision since you're handing her over to Sharrans. However, if Halsin's focus is on the 7000 lives and not on Astarion's personal kindness or cruelty, it makes more sense.

The people are gone. There is no taking back all those lost. So he's left with the need to make their sacrifice something other than a meaningless slaughter. The power for his companion must be worth it.

Halsin on Evil Astarion

You may be thinking, "Okay, but even if it's all about the mass sacrifice mimicking his own horrific past, shouldn't he still care about Astarion being Evil? He doesn't like evil acts at all!"

That's mostly true. Halsin certainly hates Shar for personal reasons and can get upset when you do cruel things. However, he's also potentially had a bit of a soft spot for Astarion since Act I, when you can decide the vampire spawn is evil and kill him or kick him out of camp.

His lines for this are actually shared with Karlach, Wyll, and Jaheira, according to the data. The uniqueness is primarily in his distraught line delivery.

If you kill Astarion, Halsin admits that he liked the guy even though he was a killer:

Halsin: Rest in peace, Astarion. You may have been a blood-thirsty murderer, but I liked you all the same.

And if you send him away, Halsin says this about Astarion being alone in the woods:

Halsin: He's someone else's problem now, anyway. Woods are full of boars. Maybe he'll learn his lesson and start hunting something that won't miss him when he goes.

His camp reactions immediately after Ascension mirror this attitude of concern rather than condemnation of evil. If Halsin speaks directly to Astarion, he sounds exasperated (the way Halsin says his name always makes me snicker) while Halsin once again brings up the idea of the price being paid.

Halsin: Astarion... you have ascended amongst the ranks of the undead. I can only hope that you do not come to regret the price that you paid.

However, the almost identical line if he's talking to another player character is delivered differently, particularly in how he says Astarion's name. It's more concerned than judgmental, implying that his frustration with Astarion is coming from a place of worry rather than pure anger.

Halsin: Astarion... he has ascended amongst the ranks of the undead. I can only hope that he does not come to regret the price that he paid.

This is particularly notable because it's in contrast to Shadowheart, who has a very similar line after her evil choice, but the emotion behind both sounds more similar to my ear.

After that initial comment, Halsin can banter with Ascended Astarion about how he's turned the player into a vampire spawn if there's a player romance. Unlike most of the other companions who can comment, such as Wyll and Gale, he expresses worry for both of them, not just the player. He also explicitly explains he has no intention of kink-shaming them, just warns about how dangerous having a master/thrall relationship can be if made real.

Halsin: To give oneself wholly, and to have a lover totally in your thrall...? A harmless game, until it becomes real. I worry for the two of you, Astarion. For your sake, I hope some of it is just a fantasy, deep in your heart.

But perhaps the most blatantly accepting we see him of Ascended Astarion is if they go to the Drow twins together. There are always some playful lines with one another if they're both present, but one is unique to Ascension if the player bites Halsin as a spawn during the scene. Halsin's response is light and delighted, acknowledging Astarion's role as not just a vampire, but the lead in your new relationship.

Halsin: Ha - tickles. See what a bad influence you are, Astarion?

Combine with Halsin's direct propositioning of Astarion if Astarion teases him about his night with the player, and there's a case for long-held attraction as well, regardless of alignment.

Astarion: I hear things got wild between you two. I hope no one was too badly mauled. Halsin: We're all in one piece. Perhaps you'll join us next time. Astarion: It's bad enough having one person with fangs trying to keep control of themselves. Two of us could be dangerous.

All these lines, taken together during times when others label Astarion a monster, suggest that Halsin accepts Astarion as a whole. He doesn't believe in trying to change people's nature, so maybe he sees any distasteful deeds as part of Astarion's, the same as an owlbear cub eating its mother might disgust some though it is completely natural.

It makes sense, then, that Halsin might be proud of Astarion for choosing morality or personal growth, but he isn't too bothered if that doesn't happen either. What line Astarion would have to cross to earn Halsin's true ire is unknown. The reverse is a much more complicated question (mostly because it's plausible that many of Astarion's lines are rooted in deception) that I may delve into another time.

Is this whole relationship a little ironic given that Halsin is The Selfless Good Druid and Astarion is The Selfish Evil Undead? Absolutely. But that's the fun of it, in my opinion. It adds depth to these characters in ways that rarely shine through during a singular playthrough, especially since very few will do the crazy thing I did with an Ascended Astarion + Halsin romance.

It sure makes for narrative fun, though.

[neaxsfiction]

How the mha characters would react when their s/o gets hurt in a fight? (U can chose which characters) ❤️

Hello! Sorry this took so long, I was a bit busy with my personal life. Imma write characters that are gonna have the most unique reactions then. Thanks for the request!❤️

~

Note; please if you're interested in giving me a request, write me down the character(s) you'd like to read in my work, it helps me to organize my thoughts and focus on specific characters. Also the more specific you are, the better my fic / oneshot / headcannons are gonna turn out, ty<3

MHA characters reacting to their S/O getting hurt during a fight

~

Dabi

Let's be honest, that guy isn't attached to anybody. He can't feel any type of emotion unless it's on extreme levels. That's exactly why he doesn't feel anger when he sees you injured, he feels rage.

He wants to burn the place down. Burn the hero. Their whole family line. He's the type of person who you wouldn't know that he appreciates you that much so you'd be surprised to see how much he got worried. Even he doesn't understand what's going on with him. Only thing that I know, is that I wouldn't wanna be that hero, facing him in battle.

~

Tomura Shigaraki

He's extremely calm. More than how much he should be. However that's only a facade in front of you. He's fueled with anger on the hero who dared to touch you and cause you this suffering.

He wants to get revenge for sure. He can't come up with a plan that will ensure them winning the battle over heroes so he gets provided the help of Kurogiri. He wants to turn to dust the entire family tree of the hero who did all that to you.

~

Bakugo Katsuki

There are at least 3 people holding him so he doesn't run outside and give your attacker a piece of his own medicine (probably midoriya kirishima and tenya).

He ends up going outside in the city to find your attacker and make them pay but of course he returns without having done anything other than wandering in the streets furiously. Probably returns calmer though.

~

Izuku Midoriya

Man he almost faints when he sees you injured like this. It's not that he's not familiar with injuries or blood but he freaks out when his loved ones are in that situation.

After he does his best to keep his composure, he asks you details on how you were attacked, who attacked you and things that could in general help him. He's not the type to get revenge but this incident wouldn't go unnoticed, especially if someone else injured you.

~

Hawks

Hawks is of course the type to worry and get you immediately in the hospital. He tries to get some answers from you once you're in a good shape to talk.

He immediately reports the incident to his higher ups and avoids chasing the attacker on his own. Hawks is clearly the workaholic type of man, who doesn't want his personal life to get mixed with his work so he won't chase down the attacker. However he will investigate, till he can't no more, and if he happens to face your attacker in a battle, he'll be more than happy to give his all and get revenge for you.

~

Shouta Aizawa

Just like Hawks, he doesn't want his personal life getting mixed with his work. If the villains knew you are one of Aizawa's loved ones, you'd become their no 1 bait and he'd hate himself if he let that happen.

Pretty much wants to destroy the attacker, but his calm aura doesn't let those violent emotions get out. Of course, if he happens to face the attacker in battle, he's giving his all, even his life if needed.

[vaile-elenya]

I have so many thoughts on the rings situation. Also, I’m going to be honest I have no clue what those things do sometimes. We the audience know that the three rings aren’t corrupted because we have omnipresence.

In universe, Elrond just say Galadriel touched something and spat out a prophecy. In context, you watch your aunt/mom figure touch something and said some weird prophecy. It’s clear it’s because of the ring. The ring that is dangerous because it’s powerful. It is also could be UBER dangerous because Satan may have made it. The same guy that disguised himself and befriended your best friend. We the audience can see the prophecy but they can’t. If that was me, I’d think she’d be on weed

You have an amazing point about saying “I’m not corrupted by the ring” <- person who is corrupt would say that. IT’S TRUE! In universe, they don’t really have proof besides the tree being restored. Even then, thinking Sauron saved the tree because he had a plan with the elves seems logical. We know that he’s weird about Galadriel (dude she doesn’t want you, let it go. Don’t be an incel) so one could argue that he wants the elves to stay so he saved the tree. We know that isn’t true, and with the information given in universe, it almost seems logical.

This isn’t me trying to hate on Galadriel because I love her dearly and her biggest crime is not being truth and a mean. She’s everything I’ve wanted in a character because I am also a make mistakes more than I should.

With Elrond saying “she did it to protect the ring” sounds harsh and it is. However, the way Robert said that line and in context to Elrond’s history, that is someone trying to convince himself that he doesn’t need anyone. He probably feels betrayed by everyone because they didn’t tell him a lot of things, so he must feel iced out.

I know this because I did this two months ago. I thought my friend chose someone else over me and then I went on an abandonment issues spiral 💀 I thought they didn’t care about me so I went on a whole mentally rant about how I didn’t need anyone because of course people leave. I

That’s what I think Elrond is doing, the abandonment issues spiral. That’s just my two cents on everything. Feel free to disagree and we can talk about it!

No, I think you’re spot on with the abandonment issues spiral. It ties directly into what we know about Elrond from the writers—he feels like an outsider in his own kingdom.

(Long rambling ahead, so I'm putting it under the cut!)

From the audience’s perspective, it’s easy to see his actions as over-the-top or too harsh. We've spent so much time in S1 watching events unfold from various angles. We know about Galadriel’s journey with Halbrand/Sauron on the raft. We’ve seen their interactions, we know what they said, and we can quote some of their conversations by heart.

But Elrond? He doesn’t have that luxury. The only things he knows about Halbrand are what Galadriel told him—and that’s not much because, well, Galadriel has not exactly been the most open sharer.

When you put yourself in Elrond’s shoes and let go of all the things you know and he doesn’t, his choices start to make a lot more sense. Imagine this: your closest friend, who you thought had sailed off to the undying lands, suddenly reappears in Middle-earth with a mortal companion. You learn he’s the king of the Southlands, and later it’s revealed that he’s a talented smith who once worked for Aulë. He’s even got a brilliant idea that could help save the Elves. Why would you suspect anything? He looks harmless, and your friend vouches for him.

But then, as time passes, things start to unravel. The great idea to forge three rings comes to fruition, and suddenly you realize it was Sauron all along—the greatest evil force Galadriel swore to destroy. And worse, she knew, but she didn’t tell anyone. In fact, if she hadn’t abandoned that scroll at the Breakup Pond™, you’d still know nothing.

You realize the rings were forged with Sauron’s guidance. The same Sauron Galadriel spent years hunting down. And now, not only did she fail to end him, but she actively hid his identity. What happened to the relentless warrior who wouldn’t rest until Sauron was gone? Now she’s keeping his secret? It doesn’t add up.

Surely she must be under his influence. How else can you explain it?

You turn to Gil-galad and Círdan, two of the wisest Elves you know, hoping they’ll understand the gravity of the situation—but neither decides to destroy the rings. This is far from what you expected.

Meanwhile, Galadriel insists that she knows the rings are free from corruption, but honestly, it sounds like exactly the kind of thing someone under Sauron’s influence would say.

(Plus, her judgment hasn’t exactly been foolproof before. Sauron, in his pretty disguise, already tricked her once, and she even used that as an argument for her actions when Gil-galad questioned her. So how can we (Elrond, the viewers, even Galadriel herself) be totally sure that she’s not falling for it all over again?)

At this point, Elrond feels utterly betrayed. He doesn’t know if he can trust anyone, even those he considers closest to him. From his perspective, everyone he’s shown these rings to has instantly become utterly captivated by their beauty and power. Isn’t it almost like... like what Sauron would want to happen? 🤨

I think Elrond’s attitude seems to be driven by both his bitterness over feeling abandoned and the fear of what might happen next. Because sure, the rings helped with the Golden Tree. I feel like the only problem Elrond has with that is... that nothing comes free. He’s afraid of the cost they will have to pay for delaying their fading. Cheating death, in Durin’s words.

And I agree that Elrond’s treatment of Galadriel is harsh, but in a way, it feels like he’s giving her a taste of what she’s been doing all along—disregarding everyone else’s opinions except her own (he’s just doing that a little more firmly). Plus, Galadriel’s response to this whole situation doesn’t make it any easier to feel for her either. @theivorybilledwoodpecker nailed this point in this great post:

Last season, he promised to trust her. When he was reluctant to make the rings, she brought the promise up almost like she was weaponizing it against him.

When he got angry at her for her tricking him into making rings Sauron wanted made, she basically went, "Well, if you hadn't have failed with the dwarves I wouldn't have had to."

Every time she goes to apologize or set things right, it's so he can do something for her. First it's so she can get the rings back. Then so she can get him to go on the journey.

And again, she keeps bringing up the promise. She's weaponizing his trust. She seems to see the promise as "Gotcha! You didn't word it to cover every possibility, so now you need to trust me forever!"

Finally, he decides to go on the expedition to Eregion with her. To help her and not abandon her. But she stops looking so pleased at this once she finds out he's going to be the leader. Because sure she wanted his help. Under her own terms. And I get that being demoted hurts, but it's not entirely unwarranted. It's not out of line for Gil-galad and Elrond to question whether Sauron, the master deceiver who fooled her so badly that she was willing to help him get a kingdom, could still be messing with her mind.

That said, while it’s difficult and uncomfortable to watch, I think it’s crucial for Galadriel’s character development. I actually love how the writers are spinning this story—it’s the perfect way for her to learn humility and grow into the Galadriel we know from LOTR. It all connects beautifully.

The same goes for Elrond. This is a brilliant backstory that helps shape him into the Lord of Imladris we see later on, and I’m honestly in awe of how well it’s being handled. It just fits so perfectly.

And like I mentioned in my earlier post, Galadriel can’t be fully trusted until she earns that trust back. For her to do that, she has to move beyond her obsession with revenge and pride, and prove her new motivations to others. She’s trying, but it shouldn’t be easy, and it isn’t. I’m really glad this arc isn’t being wrapped up in a single episode, because it’s so important to both Elrond’s and Galadriel’s growth. Can’t wait to see how they come to an understanding.

Anyway... thank you for the ask! My ask box is open if any of you want to share your views on this or talk about anything else 🫶

[bishy437]

I will talk to you about sangcheng it's a beautiful amazing ship. They remind each other of their own siblings without being so similar that it's weird. Both were left alone with an entire sect to manage after the deaths of their loved ones, they deserve to be able to lean on each other, to have someone around who understands what they've been through. And I don't hate WWX I ADORE the man but he has plenty of reason to stay away from both by the end of mdzs and it shouldn't be put on him to help them.

ALSO I think it's hilarious that if sangcheng is a thing, a Jiang sibling(counting WWX as one as we should) is dating a brother of each member of 3zun and I'm a little obsessed with 3zun.

Also Huaisang may be an intelligent maybe-criminal mastermind who can put together a plot to destroy his worst enemy but he ALSO just wants to be a little guy??? It's easier to be a little guy when you have a big tough "mean" strong protective person in your corner, he'd know, he had Mingjue. So he should get the chance again with Jiang Cheng.

I have many many feelings about these two and you got me started sorry

i mean at the end of the novel nhs is pretty satisfied with himself (though who knows how long that will last) and jc seems to be heading in the right direction of letting go of his anger regarding wwx, so i don’t think jc or nhs even need wwx’s help at that point in the story anyways lol. Even as an occasional chengxian liker, i think jc definitely needs time away from wwx and vice versa post novel.

Also with how wwx basically replaced JC and by extension, lotus pier/yanli with lwj (remember the tree scene?), i’m obsessed with the idea of post canon Jc doing the exact same with nhs. Like shit, they’re both dealing with a sort of void in their lives now that they have no revenge to strive towards, what better way to fill it than with each other? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) bonus points if wwx finds out and feels some type of way abt it heheh

yep as a 3zun lover, i think it’s hilarious where in modern aus the jiang siblings and wwx are dating each of the venerable triad’s siblings lol someone made a post about it on here, and i think that the lotus water in LP is the culprit—it has pheromones or something…

definitely agreed on your last point, and adding onto it, jc is someone who would probably enjoy having someone weaker than him to protect and look after! we’ve already seen how dedicated he is to his family, and with his pride and ego, i think nhs is a good choice for him to have that again :’)

[thespiritssaidso]

Yeah, But That Backflip Though

Summary: Shawn and Gus need to interrogate someone who frequents a place called ‘Aerial Acrobatics’. Unfortunately, Shawn’s caught the eye of one of the teachers, and now has to revisit an old friend of his: gymnastics.

Notes: Is this just an excuse to write gymnast!Shawn? Yes. Is this also just an excuse to sneak in my absolute most favorite (and currently only) OC ship? Perchance. 

And yes, for anyone wondering, the title is a vine reference. If you don’t know which one I’m talking about, here it is

—————

Gus pulled his car into park in front of a large building that looked vaguely like a warehouse. He thought it was a warehouse until he saw the large sign above the glass double doors saying ‘Aerial Acrobatics’ in big pink calligraphy. “Why are we here again, Shawn?” 

“For the last time, we’re here to interrogate Drew Oberon. The dead guy only had a few close friends, and she was one of them. They got together every other week to just paint.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Well for starters, all the paintings in his house? Every single one had the initials M. T. signed on the top left corner. Not the best signature, in my opinion. Like, at least make it something cool-”

“Shawn.”

“-Also his calendar was open and I saw the dates he’d marked for when he’d meet up with Drew. And his other friends for other activities. He’d color coded the whole thing, it kind of reminded me of the calendar you’ve got hung up in the office.”

Gus tried to steer the conversation back to the original point. “So you think she poisoned him with paint?” 

Shawn hummed. “That’s a good idea. Too bad it’s wrong.”

“Tsch.” 

“No, this guy was killed by something else. Something interesting Woody found in his stomach.” 

“How interesting?” 

“Mushroom interesting. Something called ‘The Destroying Angel’.” 

Gus couldn’t help the surprise that crossed his face. “The Destroying Angel?! Those things are incredibly toxic! It causes severe nausea and vomiting, hallucinations… it practically melts your liver! It’s one of the worst ways to go out.”

“So is it above or below bellyflopping on water from ten stories up?” 

“It’s above it. Way above it.” Personally, the mushroom’s side effects really unnerved Gus. Not because of the general grossness of it all, but because once you actually showed symptoms of being poisoned by the fungus, it would be too late. 

“I doubt that. But anyways. This girl, Drew, she likes to post pictures on her Twitter account of the different places she goes hiking. And you’ll never guess what was in the background of some of those pictures.” 

“Destroying Angels?” 

“Yahtzee! She probably picked a few while on one of her extraditions-” 

“You mean excursion.” 

“I’ve heard it both ways. Anyways, Drew used the mushrooms she’d gathered to poison the poor guy.”

Gus nodded. “Okay, what’s her motive?”

Shawn unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the car door. “That is why we’re here now. It doesn’t make sense. Drew has all the means, but no motive. I need to talk to her. Read her. Feel her, maybe. I need her side of the story.”

Gus followed him out the car and into the parking lot. “Have you told Juliet and Lassie about all this?” 

“You kidding? If Lassie even got wind of the fact that Drew breathed the same air as the murder weapon, he’d have her arrested faster than you can say ‘poison mushrooms’.” Shawn went quiet, and made a face. “Not gonna lie, that wasn’t my best.”

“Okay, fine then. So, again, why are we here? The last time I checked, this is not a forest.” And he was right. There was a few trees here and there, but they were all planted in the sidewalk. There was no reason for them to be at a gymnastics building in the middle of the city. 

“Well, a little birdie told me that Drew comes here every day at noon and hangs around for about an hour before leaving.”

“Was that little birdie named Twitter?” 

“The name of the birdie isn’t important, Gus. If you looked at the time, you’d see it’s currently… 12:03. Which means she should be here.” And with that, he pushed the double doors wide open and walked in. 

Shawn strode up to the counter where there was a woman sitting behind the desk, enraptured by something on her computer. He knocked on the countertop, startling her. 

She recovered quite quickly, and looked up at them with a smile that was almost too big for her face. “Hi! How can I help you two?”

“Hello, my name is Shawn Spencer, and this is my partner Evan ‘Starfish’ Spencer. No relation of any kind. We’re with the SBPD and need to talk to someone named Drew.” 

Gus shook his head at the new nickname. He didn’t know how Shawn managed to come up with a new and weird nickname for every case. It was definitely commendable, that was for sure. Shawn’s imagination never seemed to run dry. At least this time he was semi-honest about their intentions. He’d been ready for him to come up with some ridiculous job that most certainly did not exist yet the other person would somehow buy into. 

The lady behind the desk sat up at the name. “Why? Are they alright?” She asked, although she seemed just a tad distracted, not taking her eyes off of Shawn. Her eyes continued roving his body as she stood up from behind the desk. 

“We just need to ask her some questions, Ms…?” 

“Schulz. Charlie Schulz.” Okay, she was definitely distracted. She’d completely circled around the counter and was now standing right next to the two. “And they won’t be here ‘til later.”

“Ooookay… uh…” he trailed off as she walked even closer to him, going so far as to slightly shove Gus out of the way. 

“Hey! What-”

Charlie held up a hand to shush Gus. “Hold- hold on, can I just?…” Without waiting for confirmation, she began to circle Shawn, sizing him up, hand to her chin, as if she were looking at something new she wanted to test out. She was nodding to herself, and mumbling words like ‘sturdy’ and ‘probably flexible’. The last one didn’t sound very reassuring. 

“Okay, what is this, some kind of shakedown, minus the shaking part-” he was cut off by Charlie poking the space between his shoulder blades. “Woah! Look, don’t touch!”

“Oh hush, you don’t have to worry about me, bestie.” She hummed and nodded to herself, as if reaching a decision. Then she reached out to grab his hand, marching off to the locker rooms with Shawn in tow. “I’m sure there’s a spare leotard back here that’ll fit you!” 

“Woah woah woah, I didn’t say anything about-”

“I know you didn’t, that’s why I’m doing it for you! I’d take a guess we probably have your size. Now come on, I want to see if those hips can fit into our standard leotard.”

“No no no no no, I haven’t- I’m not-” 

The door slammed shut, cutting off the conversation from Gus. He heard muffled sounds of protest, arguing, and then silence. 

Eventually, Shawn resurfaced from the locker room, wearing a green and yellow sparkly leotard. He was walking awkwardly, and reaching down every once in a while to pick at the fabric stretching around his crotch. 

Charlie reached down and slapped his hand away. “Quit picking at it, man. You’ll just make it worse.” 

Shawn dramatically pulled his hand away. “Ow! Watch the package!” Shawn stopped and looked at Gus’ expression. “I don’t want to hear it.” 

Gus unsuccessfully hid a grin, and held up his hands in defense. “I’m not saying anything.” 

Charlie clapped her hands together, only slightly startling the two men. “Okay! Let’s go. Stretches first, of course. Then, we’re going to see how well you do on the bars-”

“What about the part where we talk to Drew? When do we get to do that?”

“They texted me that they were running late. Something about misplacing their gouache. But right now it’s gymnastics time, pretty boy!” She started to excitedly jumping up and down on the balls of her feet. “This is gonna be great!”

———

“This is stupid.” 

“Quiet. Just keep your leg in that position for another fifteen seconds.” 

Shawn groaned, and looked over to Gus. “You alright buddy?” 

Gus didn’t feel alright. He actually felt ready to pass out. Shawn had managed to kick up his leg perfectly vertical to his torso and was only holding it up with only one hand. The other exercises he’d been fine with seeing, even if some made him a little uneasy. But this was just plain unnatural. “I’ll be fine when you put your leg down. Since when have you been able to do…that?!” 

“Since forever? You don’t remember my dad shipping me off to gymnastics every week on Tuesdays and Fridays?” 

“All I remember is you disappearing for 2 hours twice a week.” 

“And you never questioned it?”

“I thought it was a little weird, but I assumed it was just more of your dad trying to train you!” 

“Well, you’re not entirely wrong there buddy.” Shawn let go of his leg, allowing it to fall on the floor next to his other leg. 

Before he could get another word in to Gus, however, Charlie interrupted. “Okay, not a lot of time on the clock here, so we’re just gonna have you on bars. Good?” 

“I don’t actually have a say in this, do I?” 

“Nope! Here.” She handed Shawn a tub of chalk powder and some bandages. “I’m sure you know how to use these?” 

Shawn slumped forward as he took the objects. “Yeah...” 

As he wrapped up his hands up and dusted them with the chalk, Gus just continued watching from the sidelines. He had no idea if Shawn was actually any good at bars, let alone gymnastics. It didn’t really help that he’d never actually seen Shawn do any exercise of any kind either. Well, not in front of him, that is. But there were some… odd moments that were now surfacing to the front of his memory: Shawn lying down on the floor of the psych office; finding a mat stashed away in the closet; him sounding out of breath on the phone when Gus knew for sure that Shawn was at home. The list went on. 

“Okay, you ready?” 

“Well, I’m about put my life on the line. Actually, technically my hands’ life. And my back. And my neck. And face- yeah, my whole life. But it’s all good!” He placed a smile on his face, but it was just a little too big. 

Gus knew that tone. It was how Shawn sounded when he was deflecting, making jokes when really he was more than just nervous. Like right now. He could see it all over his face. He may have the body — Charlie’s words, not his — but he probably hadn’t done this in a while. It was making Gus nervous for Shawn too. 

Shawn dusted his palms of any excess chalk, a small cloud puffing from bandaged hands. 

Gus watched as Shawn stood underneath the bar and jumped up, grabbing the bar tightly in both hands. He hefted himself up in one fluid motion and leaned against the bar on his core. Smoothly and gracefully he pushed himself up in a plank, legs hovering in the air as his arm muscles shook minutely. 

Gus couldn’t help the look of surprise. Shawn, the man whose only exercise he’d personally witnessed was running away from bad guys, was successfully lifting his lower body into a handstand 6 feet above the ground on a 2-and-a-half-inch thick piece of plastic. 

Charlie began clapping from the sidelines. “Woooo! Nice cast, Shawn!”

But Shawn wasn’t finished. The look on his face was one of pure concentration, focusing on not face-planting into the bar and breaking his nose. He pursed his lips as he began tilting backwards, hands loosening just enough to allow his quick descent. 

As Shawn circled around the bar — all while keeping his body perfectly straight in a handstand — he quickly and expertly let go of the bar with one hand while in the peak of his arch and spun his body to face the other way before falling once more in another giant circle, but facing forward this time. 

Gus’ eyes were bugging out of his head at this point. He was currently seeing a whole other side of Shawn, one that was graceful and smooth. He continued ogling as his friend did yet another handstand, but this time one handed. 

He still couldn’t stop staring as Shawn put his hand back on the bar and let himself fall in a swing once more. Except this time, in what was probably an effort to show off, he did a flip — a flip — and landed perfectly on his feet on the mat, arms spread in a t-pose.  

Shawn was heavily panting, sweat beginning to bead on his face. He licked off some of it that was lining his upper lip. “How was that?” 

Charlie clapped very short and small claps, jumping up and down. “Wow, that was amazing! See, I knew you were gymnast material!”

Behind them, the sound of the door opening echoed through the gym. Gus and the other two turned to see who it was, and saw a… man? No, no, a woman. It was hard to tell, the androgynous figure not giving much to go off of. They were carrying a simple drawstring cloth bag in one hand, the other swinging nonchalantly by their side. 

“Hey, hun!” They greeted, completely ignoring Gus and Shawn. 

Charlie ran up to them and practically tackled them. “Drew! Did you get my lunch?”

“Sure did.” Drew reached into the bag and grabbed an opaque Tupperware. “Chicken parm salad, your favorite.” 

“Oh my god, you’re the best.” She eagerly grabbed it before her expression changed to suspicion, squinting her eyes. “You didn’t make this, did you?” 

“You crazy? I’m pretty sure if I did, all you’d be getting was a box fulla smoke. Nah, I had Parker make it.”

Charlie’s expression morphed back into one full of fondness. “You’re so sweet.” 

“Pretty sure that’s you, sugar.” 

They had both been inching closer and closer together before Shawn interrupted with a cough. The distance between the two didn’t change, instead they whipped their heads over to the men who were both awkwardly watching the couple. 

“Oh right! Drew, this is Shawn Spencer and his friend Evan Spencer-”

“Starfish. No relation.”

“Uh- yeah. They’re here with to ask you some questions.” 

Drew looked at the two suspiciously. “What’s so important that they have to ask me instead of you?”

“Well, they’re with the police, so-”

“Really? Come on, I already answered all of Detective Flat Stanley’s questions. If you really worked with them, you’d know that.”

Gus watched Shawn wipe off the sweat from his brow before he said, “That’s the thing, Drew. You see, I am no normal man. I’ve tried, but I’m just too amazing. I’m actually a psychic. And I’ve been getting some serious vibes from you.”

They raised an eyebrow and crossed their arms. “You have, have you now?” 

“Yes, in fact I’m getting something right now.” Shawn theatrically sucked a breath through his teeth, and shut his eyes as a hand flew to his temple. “I see… you, surrounded by green, lots of it. And brown. There’s a little gray too. Ehh… maybe some purple-”

Gus swiftly elbowed his friend in the arm. 

Shawn gave a short yelp. “Ow!” He shook it off and resumed his ‘vision’, this time with his eyes open instead of shut for dramatic effect. “You like to hang around the woods. No wait, scratch that. You don’t just hang out there, you like to hike there!” He winced. “Ew, you do that for fun?” 

Once again, Gus had to elbow Shawn. This time, he managed to dodge it, only barely. 

“I’m seeing plants, Drew. Grass, ferns, trees, moss, and mushrooms.” He paused, and turned to Gus. “Are mushrooms even plants?” 

“It’s still up for debate what fungi really are.”

Drew cut in with, “They’re not plants.”

“Unimportant! You harvested those mushrooms, the Demolishing Demons-”

“Destroying Angels, Shawn. I know you know what they’re called, you said it before-” 

“-Destroying Angels, cut them up, cooked them into a little meal, and gave them to your poor, probably innocent, definitely unknowing friend Matthew Timons.” He lowered the hand from his head. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?” 

Before Drew could say something to defend themself, Charlie cut in. “I have several things to say on Drew’s behalf, actually. First of all: Who the hell do you think you are to accuse my girlfriend of killing off their friend?!”

Shawn and Gus jumped back at the unexpectedly harsh tone coming from the small woman. It was a monumental turnaround from the attitude she had shown just moments ago. She’d seemed so full of positive energy not long ago. But now she looked as though she could spit fire.

“Second of all: they can’t cook for shit. The last time Drew was in the kitchen they burned a pot of water trying to make Kraft Mac and Cheese as a surprise for me.” Charlie sucked in a breath and turned to her girlfriend. “I’m sorry, that was harsh. You’re not that bad-”

Drew gently put an arm around Charlie. “You’re fine, sugar. I really am that bad at cooking.”

Gus thought back to earlier, when Drew had presented the Tupperware box to Charlie. She’d asked them if they had made it in a wary tone, as if she was experienced in Drew’s cooking. And what she said just then practically confirmed it: Drew couldn’t cook, so they couldn’t have made something to get Matthew to eat it. He looked over to Shawn and saw that he was coming to the same conclusion. 

“Shawn? Gus?” 

The unexpected voice caused the four to whip their heads towards the source. It was Juliet, and right beside her was Lassiter.

Juliet’s eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. “What are you two doing here? And what are you wearing, Shawn?”

Shawn opened his mouth, then closed it. Even Gus didn’t know how to explain why he was wearing a leotard of all things. Charlie had just sort of dragged him into the locker room and forced him into the outfit. 

Drew looked at the two detectives in confusion. “What’s- what’s goin’ on here? I already answered your questions.”

Lassiter spoke up first. “Drew Oberon, you’re under arrest for the murder of Matthew Timons.” 

Again, Drew was cut off by Charlie. “On what grounds?” 

Lassiter took the lead. “Well, after we questioned Ms. Oberon — who was hostile at best during her questioning-”

Drew cut him off. “Yeah, you interrupted shroomie time, ‘course I was gonna be pissed-”

“I’m sorry, shroomie time? What, is that code for ‘Drug O’Clock’?” 

“No, it’s when Charlie and I-” Drew’s face turned red. “When we, uh- cuddle on a pile of mushroom plushies she’s collected over the years.” Their face didn’t stop growing red, seemingly embarrassed at having to tell strangers that they and their girlfriend had a specific time set aside to lounge together on top of a mound of toys.

They all stood in awkward silence before Juliet broke it. “Uhm, we did some background checks on her, and it turns out that she has a degree in mycology.” 

Drew looked like they were about to say something, probably to defend themself. But, once again, they were interrupted, this time by Shawn. “What- what is that, the study of colons?” 

Gus clicked his tongue in annoyance. “It’s the study of fungi, Shawn.” 

“How do you just know this stuff?”

“It’s common knowledge!”

“Oh yeah, mycology. It’s right up there next to the word for the fear of rubber bands.” 

“For your information, that’s lastihophobia.”

“You’re really not beating the allegations here, Gus.”

“Would you two shut your yaps?!” Lassiter nearly shouted at them. He continued where Juliet left off. “Matthew Timons was poisoned by a mushroom called ‘the Destroying Angel’. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you? I’ll answer that for you: you do.” He brought out a pair of cuffs from his suit pockets. “Hands behind your back, please.” 

Drew couldn’t even say a word, too shocked by all the evidence currently stacked against her. All she could do was numbly follow Lassiter’s orders.  

Charlie was equally stunned. “What? You’re taking them away? Just like that?!”

Shawn stepped forward and in an effort to calm her, said, “Look, Charlie, I didn’t mean-”

Slap!

Shawn physically recoiled, and Gus winced in sympathy. It looked like it had hurt. Heck, it sounded like it hurt, too. 

Juliet quickly reacted, pinning Charlie’s arms to her sides to keep her from potentially harming Shawn further. Lassiter simply watched from the side — still keeping a strong grip on Drew — eyebrows raised in surprise. Charlie didn’t resist, letting herself become entrapped by the detective. 

Shawn turned back around, now sporting a red handprint on his left cheek. He gently tapped it with a finger, and sucked a breath through gritted teeth. He looked back to Charlie, who’d stood still and only moved to blow a strand of hair from her face. “Charlie, I promise you we’ll prove Drew is innocent.”

She just shook her head. “Don’t bother. You’ve already done enough.” Charlie pulled free from Juliet and stormed out of the building to follow after Lassiter and Drew, who had already made their way out. 

———

Ao3 link

For anyone curious, here’s the list of the moves name’s that Shawn performed in order:

Pull up from hang: The pull up from hang is a skill that requires you to pull your body up towards the bar using only your upper body strength. This exercise helps build strength in your arms, shoulders, and back.

Cast to horizontal: In the Cast to Horizontal, the gymnast casts up and levels out in a position parallel to the ground, requiring core strength and control. It’s easier than Cast to Handstand as the gymnast is only extending into a level position rather than completely upside down.

Cast to handstand: This skill is an extension of the basic cast, where the gymnast casts up into a handstand position. It requires strength and control.

Giant: The Giant is a fundamental skill where the gymnast performs a full 360-degree rotation around the bar in a handstand position, essential for building momentum. (Shawn does the backwards version)

Blind Change: The Blind Change is a turning skill where the gymnast rotates 180 degrees while in a handstand on the bar. It’s a difficult skill but once mastered will allow gymnasts to switch the direction of their swing and add a wider range of skills to their routine.

Front Giant: The Front Giant involves a forward giant swing, where the gymnast maintains a handstand position while circling the bar. It’s key for developing momentum.

Salto Dismount: A common dismount, the Salto Dismount involves performing a salto (flip) off the bar, landing on the mat. It can be executed in various forms.

[mindovermuses]

Something has been tickling the back of my brain ever since we were given a glimpse of the gods in Downfall that I think is starting to come together into some sort of coherent thought process. But I'll we'll see how coherent it is once I've brain dumped it here onto the page I guess...

Most of the gods we've met are children.

Barely filtered ramblings ahead. You've been warned.

Go back and re-watch the opening of Downfall with them on Tengar. See how they run around and play like young children, naive to the world around them. How an elder of their race thought it such a fun thing to take Aru and any of their friends out to the orchard to witness a new tree coming into being. Is that an activity one would do with an adult or a curious child?

How, when Edun disappeared and the world started to disappear as well, other NPCs appeared at their sides, taking charge and telling them not to worry, they'll bring Edun back... before vanishing themselves. The gods/children had no understanding of anything that was happening but other, more mature-sounding characters seemed less lost in the moment.

The former god of death, Nahal, had probably just reached adulthood and that's why they could feel the dread the other adults seemed to sense and why they weren't running and playing. It's probably also part of why the Matron of Ravens was able to ascend to their godly position. Reaching full adulthood and understanding, maybe he chose to seek out oblivion and leave her as his chosen heir.

Given their timeless natures and how they were made into real, immortal beings... who knows how long it would take for them to emotionally mature, especially with no healthy adults of their kind there to guide them.

Can't you just look at some of their decisions and actions in the past and see the subtle nods to a toddler or young child playing make believe or not getting what they want and throwing a tantrum? It wouldn't be a one-for-one match to a child as we know them, but similar none-the-less.

Forsaking their godly abilities and living as humans for a while probably helped them to "grow up" more than anything else as well as finally accepting the Matron of Ravens as more of an equal. They learned first-hand how their actions and in-actions have consequences and that they had been speaking for and making decisions for life on Exandria without considering that they should have a say in things as well. Their puppet playthings are just as real as they are and are driven by the same emotions that they, as the gods, are.

I don't think the gods have fully reached adulthood for their kind just yet- some may be closer than others though. They're still, for the most part, those same scared little children in the orchard of possibilities watching everything they've ever known and loved be taken from them. Watching the only place they've ever known as home be swallowed up by something they didn't understand.

What happened may have been a completely normal thing for Tengar but not something they would have told young children about because they didn't believe they would understand yet. In a panic, the oldest of the children did their best to collect their siblings and escape what they saw as certain doom... but what if it wasn't? What if it was? No one can know for certain (except Matthew Mercer, that is...).

Maybe Predathos was the result of the adults of their world's hubris coming back to destroy them and THEY were the airship of children from Avalir or young Hallis from Aeor who were able to escape and survive the calamity their peoples brought down upon themselves. (Wonder if young Hallis grew up and studied necromancy while building himself a happy little spherical domain? Nah...)

Then again, maybe Predathos doesn't kill the gods it absorbs. Maybe it was a security system to protect Tengar and it sends them to be with the rest of their people and their lost home. Of course, if this is the case, there's always the possibility that perhaps, by choosing to become real to escape along with other later actions, they can no longer travel in those dimensions.

I mean... it's kind of like if fifth dimensional beings took form and became fourth dimensional beings. Gods amongst the peoples they presided over. For a short time, they constrained their potential further and became three-dimensional mortals, but their mortal forms couldn't hold their greater power indefinitely and they re-emerged as their fourth-dimensional selves. But, once you've shaved off enough of yourself to become mortal... how can you possibly ascend back to your former fifth dimensional forms to go home again?

TL;DR: The gods are literally children and potentially unreliable narrators of their own histories because of it.

[rainyweeds]

Home is where the heart is {Part 2}

Part 0 | Part 1 | Part 2

Pairing: Ao'nung x Fem!Human!Reader

Summary: Finding out the events that happened after you were shot out into space wasn’t exactly what you planned for when arriving in Pandora. But now not only do you have to process all that has happened, but you also have to learn the was of the Metkayina. Which doesn’t sound all that bad when you think about it. Except your teacher isn’t helping. Like at all.

Warnings: Brief mentions of death(?), Swearing at the end

A/N: I left this series alone for over a month 💀 but it’s back now! These updates will still be pretty spread out but they won’t be more than a few weeks (unlike this one🧍‍♀️)

Make up post before I take a few days break to plan out my other works

Italics will be na’vi

15 years.

You have been in cryo for fifteen years longer than you were supposed to be. Just what the hell caused the ship to malfunction while you were put under? "Then what happened in the total of twenty-one years I was asleep?"

Even though you were asleep for fifteen extra years, you still went through the original six to get out to Pandora. And despite all the lost time, you were still technically nineteen.

"It's a long story." Jake sighed. Where was he even supposed to start? So many events have happened in the past two decades. Many of which he'd much rather leave buried in the deepest parts of his mind. But it also felt wrong to keep it from you. After all, you were asleep for way longer than you should have.

"I have all the time in the world apparently." You take a seat across from him.

"There was a war between the humans and the na'vi. Many lives were lost in the process. Including Grace. Quaritch was the one in charge of the whole mess." Jake began.

You remember hearing about how you would probably meet him once you arrived because he was some important figure within the RDA. "And then he came back as an avatar a couple of years ago. Killing our oldest. So the Metkayina aren’t particularly of humans all that much. It's a miracle Ronal even let you set foot here." The atmosphere around you darkened.

Grace was gone?

You sat in silence, slowly processing all the new information. Where did everything go wrong? All you wanted to do was live a simple life on Pandora and a xenobotanist with Grace in the forest.

Of course now, that was impossible. She was gone. Quaritch had destroyed the sacred home tree that she had always told you about. He had caused not one, but two wars between the human and na'vi races.

“Oh. I see.” You continue to stare at the floor.

Everything just seemed to go wrong. So of course the na’vi would be so distrusting of you. Your kind has been nothing but destructive to their home. And you couldn't do anything about it. All you could do was process and continue on.

"So... You somehow managed to find someone who can put up with you." You smirk, trying to lighten the atmosphere. "Never thought the day would come."

Jake gave you an offended look as the woman next to him let out a laugh. The girl beside you, Kiri as you learned, covered her mouth to suppress a chuckle. You always loved poking fun at Jake whenever he was on call because he was always the only one who wasn't in the science field. He was always the easiest target.

"At least I have someone. Your nerd ass could never, in your nineteen years of existence, date someone. You were always a weird one." Now it was your turn to look offended.

"Low blow man." You clutch your heart in false agony. The two of you never took any of the insults personally, always laughing it off. "I will have you know I would probably have someone by now if I wasn't asleep."

Jake simply rolled his eyes. You always had a way to lighten the mood no matter the situation.

“I believe I'm supposed to find Ronal soon.” You excuse yourself from the family.

As you walk along the sandy beach, you feel various pairs of eyes on you, watching your every move like you're a ticking time bomb. Just how far did Quaritch go all those years ago?

Not long after your search began, you saw Ronal wading through the water. She meets your eyes as you make your way over to her, keeping a guarded stance when you reach a few meters away.

“I’m supposed to begin lessons today?” You gave her a nod of respect, raising your fingers up to your forehead.

“Yes. My son shall guide you and teach you our ways.” She didn’t take her eyes off you, like you would attack the moment she turned away. “You can go now.” Ronal waved you off as a warrior approached her.

You quietly took your leave, stepping back onto the dry sand.

“Why did you allow that demon to stay?” The na’vi hissed in their native tongue. You freeze, back still turned to the pair. Did they think you couldn’t understand them?

“It was willed by Eywa. She spoke of a human who would heal the clan of its tragedies.” Ronal only sighed a response.

Someone who would heal the clan? What the hell did that mean? Whatever it meant, it got the gears in your head turning. You were so immersed in your thoughts that you didn’t notice the na’vi that you were about to bump into.

“Ah I am so sorry.” You look up. Before you stood a tall na’vi, around nine feet if you had to guess, long curly hair that was tied half up and half down, tattoos that covered many parts of his body, and various necklaces that hung around his neck.

“Watch it, demon.” He glared down at you.

“I said I was sorry.” You scoff, responding in his native language. To say he was shocked that you spoke na’vi was an understatement.

“Ao’nung.” A female voice called out to him from behind you. Ronal stood beside you, looking at the male before her. “You will be in charge of this little sky demon.”

Little sky demon.

“What?!” He hissed. “Why not Tsireya! She’s better suited than I am!”

Well, at least he was honest about it.

“Your sister is learning to be the next Tsahìk! She is too busy.” Ronal replied in a calm manner.

“I’m not? I’m next in line to be Olo’eyktan!”

“And I am your mother.” She effectively shut the boy up. “You will teach her our ways. End of discussion.”

He lets out a frustrated sigh, turning from Ronal to you. So he’s the one you’re going to be stuck with? Awesome. You’d rather have literally anyone else on this island at this point. You could practically feel the hostility rolling off of him in spades. He clearly didn’t want you around him and vice versa.

“Fine.” He spat through grit teeth.

You watch as his figure grows smaller and smaller before stopping a short distance away, leaving you to actually realizing that you were supposed to follow him. Quickly jogging up to him before he could walk any further away from you.

“You better pay attention when I teach.” He spoke in English for you. “And no more demon language.”

“Fine by me.”

He lead you to an isolated spot away from the village, a small patch of grass surrounded by trees in the middle of the forest.

"Why are we all the way out here?" You admire the flora surrounding the two of you.

"I don’t need my people seeing me with a sky demon.” He sat down.

“Yeah yeah. What are we learning today.” You roll your eyes, joining him on the grass.

“Sign language.”

He watches as your eyes light up at the sound of it. He remembers how Toruk Makto mentioned something about how the hand gestures underwater was similar to something he had back on Earth.

“We have that back on Earth!” You remember when you’d use it to communicate with some scientists back at the lab.

“Show me.” He watches you move your hand in confusion. He had absolutely no idea what you were saying through the gestures. “Yeah no. That’s not even close.”

Ao’nung watches in amusement as your brows furrow in frustration. What did you expect? Your little Earth language couldn’t possible be the same as one from a completely different planet.

Sure, some of the gestures were similar when referring to certain things, but others were way off. You let out a noise of defeat before taking in a deep breath and finally accepting your fate.

You were going to be here for a while.

And you were right. You spent the next 2 hours straight learning all of the basic hand signals to communicate with the other na’vi. Although you were sure it wouldn’t have taken as long if Ao’nung was a better teacher.

“Eywa you are terrible at this.”

“You’re doing it wrong.”

“Come on it’s not that hard demon.”

Yeah. You were certain that the lesson would have gone much more smoothly with a better teacher. “Will you shut up.” You grumbled. “You are such an asshole.” The last insult was spoken in your ‘demon’ language.

Ao’nung scrunched his nose in distaste. He didn’t enjoy listening to you talk without being able to understand anything. Especially when it’s the same language as the species that caused destruction to his home.

“I said no demon language.” He gave your arm a light slap. “It’s bad enough that I have to be the one to teach you.” The task if teaching you gave him an uncomfortable sense of déjà vu. Back when he was given a similar one as a teen.

You groaned as you were finally let off for the day. “Jesus fuck. That was the worst fucking lesson in my entire life. Shit, I think i just lost even more of my life from that.” The words just seemed to spill out of your mouth like a waterfall. All your foreign curse words escaping faster than you could register what you were saying. Old habits die hard you suppose.

“What are you saying.” Ao’nung simply sat there as you grumbled to yourself. You really were a ‘weirdo’ as Lo’ak would say.

"Nothing. Just thinking about how different the signing is here." You flash him a big, fake smile.

“You really don’t belong here.” He scoffed, standing up to walk away. Leaving you alone to wander back to the village by yourself. "Freaks like you should just go back to where you came from."

There he goes again. Acting just like his teenage self.

Taglist: @yawntutsyip @aonungsmate @fukingsad @cumikering @eywas-heir @sunshinewwx @ducks118 @tiredsoulsorry @sparks0918 @ambria @ken-zah @zeroqueen0555 @itsskyvoltage @wowimsofelle @fanboyluvr @awkward-halfhug @1-800-not-simping @feelinmyselfimconceited @milesquaritchh @il0veheartz @chxrrybobaby-sin @myh3artttt @rinsdesires

(Comment or dm if you wanna be added to the taglist!)

[mahou-furbies]

Animal crossing stuff

After taking a break for almost three years I'm now really into this game. The catalogue from the dlc is a major reason; I do very little online play because I find having to negotiate the item trades with strangers and then actually doing the visit and trade very exhausting, so until now I had been almost entirely reliant on the items you can get in single player. Which means the Nook shop daily inventory of measly five rotating items, and then they're in the wrong colour so you would also need to check online if it even can be customised to the desired colour. Which was super tedious and the reason why I quit playing originally, it felt there was nothing interesting to do with my current items so all that was left was the daily grind of checking what's in store today.

Now however the dlc catalogue auto-unlocks all non-special items available for the vacation homes you design for the animals, which basically renders the Nook shop redundant. And you can even see all the colour options and just order the one you like! It's fun that after you experiment with some new items that you like in the animal vacation homes, you can get them to your own island right away. I had never thought of building a farm on my island, but now I have multiple characters ordering the wheat item in preparation.

As for characters, I have the main player, Mew Ichigo for pink mahou, Cure Princess for the blue one, and Vanilla (Sugar Sugar Rune) for purple. Vanilla is a little unfortunate one since I had also named the whole island Vanilla, but she'll have to live with the confusion. Next one will be Mami for yellow, and she will get to be the farmer once I have enough wheat. The farm will also function as the source of money for the entire island since I plan to move all vegetable production there, and probably a more organised fruit orchard since currently the fruit trees are all haphazardly scattered everywhere. I'll have to wait until tomorrow to start properly terraforming though, since I first need to move Hime's house to the other corner of the island out of the way and destroy a bridge and an incline. Ichigo will also move to the "town" part of the island next to the newly (half) built pastel amusement park, currently she does have a nice pink flower field up in the mountains, but I want someone to live in the town and it seems like a good fit for a pink mahou.

After seeing the castle wall items in the dlc catalogue I now want to use them too, and I kinda want to give them to a Zelda character. I'd rather use Link since I already have so many girls on the island, but princess Zelda is of course a better pick for someone to live in a castle. Or the totk one doesn't really live in a castle any more but it doesn't really matter. And then I can also have Link as a separate character too if I really want. There is of course the issue that so far my additional characters have had a magical girl theme, but it's not like the entire island is properly themed anyway so it should be ok.

Princess Zelda, a potential Link and the as of yet unknown green mahou would hit the limit of 3 characters so I hope I won't get any new ideas. And I'm hoping that the switch 2 is backwards compatible so I could create a separate island, maybe that one could be Zelda themed from the start. But right now a more topical issue is that a fully upgraded house costs 3 million, so the main player who is financing this all will be busy for a while. At least Ichigo and Hime have already paid for their houses.

[dairy-farmer]

Okay... but imagine my time loop prompt? If both Tim AND Bruce tried to catch the Idol as it got knocked over, failed by accidentally getting in each other's way, and both managed to JUST grab it as it broke? Thus both getting Time Looped.

BUT!

>:Dc Seperately~☆

It's the same layered, Learn A Lesson But Delayed type loop. But! Now Tim is stuck in metaphorical Room A, while Bruce is stuck in metaphorical Room B. Both thinking THEY must have touched it first, thus got cursed and spared the other.

Tim's plan remains the same. Bruce? Experienced with this sort of thing. But ALSO Constantine Bane. And has to chase the fucker down. (Get BACK HERE YOU GLOWING, MAGICAL TWINK!!)

Still gonna take a while.

Still time for Bored Thoughts to turn to Bad Ideas.

Contemplating the Forbidden.

Tim realizing he should PROBABLY address the elephant in the room, when all the porn he ends up invested in most, during "Research", has men that look VERY... Bruce-like.

Bruce, trying and slowing failing to beat of the phrase "timeloops are consequences free" from bouncing around the inside of his skull like a screen saver, as he stares as Tim. His SON.

But... he WANTS.

Obsessively, covetously, WANTS. Surely just a taste? Whispers temptation. That won't ADDICT! It lies.

And it shouldn't be as easy as it is. Tim surprised but sinking into his warmth. Probably thinking exposure to any number of things. Bruce doesn't care. He'll lie if he has too.

Dragging him off to bed like some impatient newlywed. Hands not gentle enough for a virgin, so he uses his tounge, to drag an orgasm out of him so hard his back bows. Drowns pretty little toys in lube to work him open, fucking them in and deep. Not rough or calloused like his fingers.

He knows damn well its brutal on a virgin to take some as big as him. Would work him open, little by little over days, if he could. Plugs and toys. Fingers, round after round. Getting him used to it. But he has today.

Just. Today.

So all he can do is work himself in slow. Press kisses to gasping, teary cheeks, and tell him how good he's being. How brave. Press vibrating little beads to his clit, to drag out some pleasure in all this. Help him adapt. And listen to him whine pitifully in overwhelmed sensation.

Rock into that magnificent heat. God, it feels so GOOD. Work himself in and out, til it's less of a vice. Drenched in lube. Crushed to the mattress and trapped in his arms. Impaled on him. Good for him.

Working up the speed of his hips as he snaps them deep. Buries himself inside that hot, perfect body. Tim gorgeous and incoherently undone beneath him. His. He did this.

Bruce gives in to that desire to stuff him full. Like he's trying to BREED him. Gives in to the desire to whisper filthy praises and tender, emotional things. The sort Tim can't bear, but now can't escape. Impaled on his cock as he is.

Midnight hits too soon.

He does get addicted. How can he not? But he manages to focus. Wants to take his time. Do it right. Which he CAN'T in only 24hours.

And with Tim? His matra of "I will not climb Batman like a tree" has failed him. Curse you, sexy, sexy, Batman! He has learned a lot! But mostly, that unless he is dosed on Pollen? That glorious dick barely fits and does NOT FEEL GREAT, until like? Orgasm three! Which is a lot to ask!

Doesn't STOP him. He just figured out he has to pre-game. Loosen HIMSELF up. Make a morning of it. Get his bits destroyed deliciously all afternoon.

But both Bat can agree? Fuuuuuuck, John Constantine and his escape artist house.

It's ultimately Tim who finds him. Frees them. Bruce is in the cave when Memories Hit. And.... oh. Oh? Oooooooooh.

WELL then~

Meanwhile Tim is just standing there like :O Bruce you KINKY ME FUCKER.

-🐼🐼🐼

and bruce can't possibly deny it at all 😭😭😭!!!

[coycorry]

I am not pretending to be the best character designer ever BUT

As a main villain Bleylock deserved much better appearance than ugly pyjamas they gave to him.

I know that general style of the show was quite simple, but even simple design could work well because of it’s colours or shapes, or because it suited well with some characters like Norata, who was a boring dad and wanted to live his boring life. I respect that. But Bleylock is not just random boring dude, in fact, I think he’s actually quite opposite: a man that enjoys his rich bitch status and pretty things that reminds everyone about power and influence he has, like that random huge portrait of himself in the office.

So what I expect is “I could buy you and your entire family tree just because I want to” kind of attitude that immediately switches with “but I prefer violence”. I don’t want some tragic af backstory, just a villain who is hungry for power, influence, money and also queer coded as hell because of the only (2) thing that he can’t have and that shit is just making him crazy. Sonny Blackbones makes him INSANE because he’s not afraid of him. He will never obey, he’s hard to read and manipulate, hard to catch because he’s a smart motherf- strategist (and certainly not hot as hell), and they’re playing “catch me if you can” for years now. I know that we all know that, right, but why to not show it through the design, make it a little more complementary…

I would love to see this rivalry more personal (?) for them. Yes, they definitely weren’t friends when they were working on metaflux, but just to imagine if they spent quite a lot time together, so it probably helped them to get to know each other. We know that Bleylock was visiting Lobnor and I’son few times (also he was wearing damn good outfits back then💅). But what if instead of this, he’d actually stuck with them on the same space station for years by the order of Technoid. Like back in those days he only was gaining his power and influence, building a relationships with Duke Maddox, so he couldn’t disobey, even tho he hated it and were bitching about it 24/7. Ofc on the moment of 1st cup he still cannot act against Maddox openly, but he’s now having more power as Technoid’s General, as well as freedom to do what he wants, without fear of being catched.

Maybe Sonny and Bleylock tried to become allies when they were stuck at that space station, until they understood that they had completely opposite views on that metaflux project. And of course, it was too late when they realised how danger they are for each other. Imagine them having a poker nights together sometimes, because bleylock was so bored in there (and because ‘honestly I’son you are the only person who seems to have at least some talent in this game, on that damn station’). And (secretly) Bleylock admires Sonny’s intelligence so much and wants to have him by his side. But this is impossible, because Sonny Blackbones is a rightfull man, for god’s sake, and will never give him a metaflux. Not voluntarily at least. Or alive… That’s why he’s so dangerous, and that’s why he should be destroyed.

[aki-bara]

I NEED to know about Puddle Percy!

LMAO. Okay. This one's really weird...

Okay.

The concept is Percy dies. But not really.

What is death? Is it the destruction of your body or is it something else?

Percy's body is destroyed by a god in a display of power. In a last minute effort to save Percy's life Poseidon ties his soul (for lack of a better word) to some water of insubstantial size.

What do you think it felt like to Thalia to become a tree? Was she conscious of it? Probably not, trees doesn't have senses like humans do.

Here's the thing, Percy is connected to water. He can feel it in a way other people can't. His power allows him manipulate his new form, but he can't perceive things the way he used to.

One thing he does have is his connection to Annabeth. He can communicate with her, and only her through a psychic link. Since Percy's the sort to hold back his true feelings this presents its own challenges.

One thing I'm just now realizing is this can kind of be read as an allegory for chronic illness? Percy loses a lot of independence in the story and becomes very restricted in his abilities. He becomes completely dependent on Annabeth to experience the world the way he used to, and even that is through an altered lense.

The story is basically about Percy struggling to cope with his sudden lack of agency and Annabeth struggling to support him. Obviously the goal would be for him to get his body back, but who knows if that's even possible.

An unedited except can be found below.

They had tried talking Hera up, brought gifts to get in her good graces, bowed before her and begged her to let them marry and still she had refused. They had continued to try and persuade her only to be met with scorn and insults until finally both of them snapped. Annabeth scowled, expression furious.

“We didn't know we needed your approval for the court documents.” She said, not bothering to keep the anger from her voice. This she said in response to Hera's claim that they'd disrespected her too much to make up for it now.

“What you do or do not know is not my concern. Marriage is my domain and I will be respected.”

“What have you ever done to earn respect!”

Hera's eyes boiled with rage. Percy didn't know what Hera was about to do, but he didn't want Annabeth to be the focus of her attention when she did it.

“We just want to get married,” he pleaded, trying to distract Hera from Annabeth's words. “What's so wrong about that?”

“The problem isn't with marriage itself, but rather the ones attempting it.”

Percy tried to push down his anger, but didn't manage it cometely. “You toyed with us for months, never mentioning what you would or wouldn't allow.”

“You and every other half-blood knows the gods demand tribute. Don't act like your wasted time is my fault when it's your own simple-minds that are to blame.”

Percy's blood boiled. It was her fault if they failed because of her meddling. He didn't say that. He didn't want to argue. He only wanted to be married to Annabeth.

“Please, my lady, tell us what we must do to make up for this grave offense.” He tried very hard not to sound sarcastic as he said it, and felt that he mostly succeeded. Despite his reverent tone, Hera's eyes narrowed.

“There is nothing you can do. I will never allow you to marry.”

“Percy.” Annabeth said, warning in her tone. She had also heard the special emphasis the goddess placed on the word 'you.' Whatever reason Hera had for refusing them, it was because of Percy. Annabeth's hand found its way to his wrist, grabbing him, trying to ground him. Her quiet support only made him even angrier.

“It may be only a minor inconvenience, but that's exactly why I can enforce it in perpetuity. Your existence is a display of callous indifference from one who believes he is beyond reproach, but here it's mine. You should never have been born. You certainly can't get married.”

Hera hadn't moved, not once during her entire tirade, but Percy felt as if his entire world had tilted. Annabeth would never be able to get married. No, she could get married, just not to him, because he had the audacity to exist. It's never enough, he thought, a cold fury overtaking him. No matter what I do, it's never enough.

His fingers twitched. He longed to hold riptide in his hand, to press the blade's edge to the goddess's throat. All the while Hera continued to stare down at him with those cold cruel eyes.

“Oh.” She started again, as though she had not already dealt enough damage. “And I would advise you to think very carefully about what I've said before deciding to have any children.”

Annabeth’s grip on Percy's wrist grew tighter, but he didn't even notice. His ears were ringing at the unspoken threat. He ripped his hand free from Annabeth's grip as the water in the fountain beside them exploded. In an instant Percy was at the center of his own personal hurricane. He moved without thinking, riptide in hand. He would kill her. He would cut her, flood her lungs, crush her until she couldn't move anymore.

Hera stepped back, startled, but Percy was quicker. His sword began to cut, golden ichor staining the edge of its blade. Then a flash of light and an unseen force ripped him away. His head hit the ground with a crack. The goddess pressed him into the floor and water fell all around them with echoed splatters.

“Percy!” Annabeth shouted, running forward. She didn't get very far before she was thrown back by an invisible force. Hera was glowing and glaring at Percy with an anger neither of them had ever seen on the goddess's face before. Already the wound at her throat was healing, golden ichor fading away to reveal unblemished skin beneath.

“You think me some weakling you can beat into submission?” She shouted, her voice echoing unnaturally in the open air. Annabeth stumbled back, covering her ears with her hands. Percy tried to do the same, but discovered he couldn't move. A magical wind began to surround him, whipping at his clothes and hair.

“You think yourself unbeatable, but you are nothing before me. Nothing!”

Annabeth tried to move forward again, ignoring the way the wind pushed at her. Her efforts proved useless. Eddys of magical power swirled around Percy, keeping Annabeth from getting too close. Percy was barely aware of Annabeth's presence. As soon as Hera had finished speaking, pain began coursing through him. He remembered the crushing pain of holding up the sky and the searing burn of lava on his skin. Somehow this new experience was both together, and far worse than either alone. Molten heat consumed his senses. Impossible pressure squeezing him in on every side. He screamed in agony.

“Percy!” Annabeth cried, her eyes growing wet with tears. She couldn't see what was happening, but she could hear Percy and the sound terrified her. What would Hera do to him?

“Stop!” she begged falling to her knees, but the goddess didn't even look at her. Percy's consciousness shrank. His felt impossibly light. It didn't make sense. If anything, the pressure should have made him feel heavy. Instead it pushed him into a fire that burned his very existence. It was terrifying. None of the sensations he was feeling made any sense and every last one of them hurt in a way he'd never known before. He was being pressed in, made small, nothing.

Was he dying? Was this what death felt like? He wanted to cry and he couldn't. He was so stupid coming here. Why? He would never see his mother again, would never see his sister grow up. He was leaving Annabeth behind. He couldn't even say goodbye, so he prayed instead. He begged his father to look after them all and for Athena to keep her daughter safe. Finally, he apologized to Annabeth directly. Even if she never knew, he was sorry.

The wind stopped. The magic vanished. Hera was gone, and so was Percy. The only sign either of them had been there was the water covering the floor. The room was still and silent. More unnerving still was the sight of riptide. It sat resting on the ground in pen form. Annabeth stepped towards it, towards the spot where Percy should have been, and sank to the ground. Her whole body was shaking. He was gone.

Annabeth knew Hera was powerful, but never did she think their meeting would turn out like this. Percy had been powerful too. Annabeth had seen it in Tartarus. He nearly killed Ahklys. Still, Hera was no minor deity.

Annabeth reached out with a trembling hand,fingers barely brushing the sword-pen’s barrel. Riptide wasn't returning to Percy. She knew what that meant, even if she didn't want to. Tears fell from her eyes, some of them landing on the puddle in front of her and making its water ripple. She sniffled loudly, not knowing why she bothered fighting back the tears. Percy was gone. Percy was dead.

[soupbitch-moneybitch]

comprehensive list of how ofmd characters would fare if tasked with destroying the ring of power in the fires of mount doom

would be immediately corrupted by the ring:

badminton twins

prince ricky

would use the ring for evil and/or chaos for fun:

calico jack (and it would get Weird(tm) )

spanish jackie (jackie loves her some eternal power over all living creatures in middle earth)

roach (love the guy, but the chaos would be too enticing)

ned lowe (duh)

anne bonnie and mary read (sometimes you gotta spice things up. god forbid women do anything amirite)

evelyn higgs (god forbid women do anything x2)

pre-stede, peak blackbeard era ed (his heart wouldn't really be into it, but it would be expected of him, and he'd do it for the image more than anything else)

would make an attempt to get to mordor but wouldn't make it:

pirate queen zheng (has too much power already, she'd pull a boromir, or more likely, pull an aragorn and accept that she can't be the one to take it, and instead would take down saruman and lead the battle outside the black gate)

ivan (has good intentions, but is too much of a traditional pirate and would inevitably get corrupted)

the swede (he would give it the ol' college try, but would get lost, and fall into the dead marshes, or get stepped on by a tree ent or something)

ed and stede (they would try, but would 10000% lose the plot, probably as early as rivendell when they start dicking around dressing up as elves and pretending to be elven royalty, and then, through a series of wacky misadventures, would somehow end up opening an inn in the shire and being completely unaware of the fact that all the hobbits really don't love having men living among them, but they sell cheap drinks and good food, and that's all hobbits really care about so they let them stay)

wouldn't go to mordor in the first place:

lucius (um, that sounds like a LOT of walking, and he has much better things to do)

pete (would volunteer, but it would be unanimously decided that "maybe you should sit this one out, bud")

wee john (the ring is too basic and tacky and wouldn't go with his Look(tm), and also he'd prefer to stick to what he's good at: napping, sewing, and arson)

archie (would be prepared to go, but the second she gets her hands on it, she would start using it as a party trick like, "lol, look guys, i'm invisible!" and then would inevitably get murdered by ring wraiths)

could go to mordor and destroy the ring, but wouldn't:

auntie (she could definitely destroy the ring, but she's too busy making sure the red flag stays afloat, and keeping the pirate navy in check--she doesn't have time for petty concerns like "the fight between good and evil")

buttons (mad galadriel energy--would be able to refuse the ring, and this would then elevate him to the next phase of his transformation into an all-knowing, all-powerful being, who is also probably a bird)

would make it to mordor but wouldn't destroy the ring:

frenchie (he gets to the fires of mount doom only to realize he dropped the ring somewhere along the way and has no idea where it is)

mary (could make it to mordor, but the feeling of power for the first time in her life after years of being subservient in a shitty society would make the allure too strong in the end)

jim (would probably become corrupted if they were the one carrying it, but could 10000% act as a cutthroat body guard throughout the trek)

would make it mordor and would be able to destroy the ring:

oluwande (the purest of heart, perfect cinnamon roll, too pure, doesn't know how to pronounce "china"--he would never become corrupted)

doug (he would be the sam to mary's frodo, but in a very casual chill way, like "oh, you're being corrupted? no worries, babe, i got it")

is gollum:

izzy hands

my assessment is perfect and correct, but feel free to add your thoughts if you think i'm wrong (but i'm not)

[ginger-lime]

Will Wood (and the Tapeworms) Songs as Ride the Cyclone Characters!

Recently decided to wade through Will Wood's discography more and I think some of the songs by the 30-something year old dude really embody them

How this half asleep rant will work:

[Character]: [Song(s)]

Explanation of why song is chosen

"Certain excerpts from the song I think embody the goober chosen"

Note: all songs wils be linked when they're written (mostly as youtube lyric videos), also this will probably be very long

Ocean O'Connell Rosenburg: The Main Character

Local ‘gifted kid’ teenager has yet to find out that the world doesn't revolve around her and stepping on anyone who doesn't fit in with her isn’t okay, more at 7

"I mean, imagine if protagonists just died in the first scene"

"I loot plot armor from NPC’s / Well, they are to me"

Noel Gruber: Suburbia Overture / Greetings from Mary Bell Township! / (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally

This song (in my opinion) is really the embodiment of Noel's character. attempting to fit in, being told to "tone it down" by his mother until eventually arriving in the afterlife and essentially going "fuck it, we ball" with Noel's Lament (and Vampire Culture in this allegory) until eventually arriving at a state of peace with Love Me, Normally/It's Just a Ride

"a snowflake only matters in a blizzard"

Mischa Bachinski: 6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro / Con & ¡Aikido! (Neurotic / Erotic)

6up 5oh with it's plot(?) of running from the police and proceeding to get mistreated by them is how Mischa is viewed by essentially everyone is Saskatchewan (and to an extent how he lets them see him). While ¡Aikido!, is more of his 'passion' side, specifically with Talia. The more aggressive reprise at the end of Aikido in the 2020 remaster also reminds me allot of the techno section of 'Talia'.

"It's never too late to embrace your fate"

"So we can touch instead of feel"

Ricky Potts: White Noise & Dr. Sunshine Is Dead

Imagine being so forgotten by everyone around you so the innocent bean stereotype is put on you automatically despite the fact that you’re real personality is far from that and then having a mini identity crisis over it

"You're not meant to sing along"

"I'm no one if I'm nowhere in between"

Jane Doe: Big Fat Bitchie’s Blueberry Pie, Christmas Tree, and Recreational Jell-o Emporium a.k.a. “Mr. Boy is on the Roof Again” (Feat. Pasta by Sneakers McSqueakers) [From “B.F.B.’s B-Sides: Bagel Batches, Marsh-Mallows, & Barsh-Mallows”]

No thoughts, story, or plot, just funky carnival music

Constance Blackwood: Falling Up

This song is essentially 'Sugar Cloud' but more melancholy. This is what I'd imagine a song about Constance's life before she died would be about, or Constance's Monologue in song form. What especially reminded me of her monologue was the rapid fire listing of objects and even the title 'Falling Up' being repeated in the song feeling like the roller coaster when it derailed. They're falling but being upside down it feels more like they're flying.

"You make a wish upon the dead, but turn and call it a weed"

"Much larger than life, 'cause from such height / Life looks awful small"

"Well, I cry on skies of blue linoleum, Clouds o' spilled milk"

Penny Lamb: Willard!

Aspiring animal conservationist doesn't know how to relate to "normal" people partially due to her upbringing. Parts of the song were the singer wants animal traits the make their life easier reminds me of Penny's whole "I vomit fire" thing before absolutely destroying JK-47

“Until frustration makes me wish my teeth were sharp as yours”

“I've never understood what humans do and want / It's quite confusing to me to try to connect / Never learned how I should feel, instincts somehow stunted”

Extra characters outside of the choir:

I'll go less in depth for these as i think most of these are self-explanatory

Karnak: Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world

funky sentient machine is constantly aware of his imminent death and decides to be a goofy goober because of it

Virgil: Tomcat Disposables

rat just wants to vibe and chew on a power cable. oopsies he's dead now

Monique Gibeau: White Knuckle Jerk & Front Street

oh em gee she's so gorgeous and dangerous and the world described in Noel's Lament is very gritty and a little gross

Ezra Lamb: Euthanasia (Live)

this mostly feeds into my hc that Ezra ditched school to go to the fair with the choir and had to see his sister get beheaded, being completely inconsolable, and not being listened to because he's "a kid looking for attention"

It's the end yay!!

That's the end folks! I really enjoyed making this (i am a very big fan of both rtc and will wood) there were a lot of other songs i wanted to include (skeleton appreciation day, i/me/myself etc.) but didn't because either

a. they fit too many characters for me to just pin one to them or

b. the character already had two songs assigned to them

i hope anybody reading this is having a good day/night and listens to will wood more in the future ig

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Gnawty

Debut: Donkey Kong Country

If you had to be one animal to be the first, most basic enemy in a Donkey Kong Country game, essentially the Goomba of the African jungle, what would you choose? Would it be a beaver? No! That wouldn’t make sense! Silly billy! But Rare decided to be professional silly billies! I wasn’t there, but they probably had a meeting where someone said “We should put a real doofus of a beaver in the game”, and everyone else clapped. And I would have clapped too! Look at this thing! It’s hilarious! I am very happy they made this strange decision.

Beavers have all sorts of fun abilities! Swimming, tail-slapping, dam-building, tree-felling, GNAWING, there is a lot a beaver enemy could do in a game! Gnawty walks left and right and does nothing else. This is also something beavers can do in real life!

I truly hope this does not all come off as insulting toward Gnawty. I love Gnawty! I would not change a single thing about it. Its presence, its design, its funny sound it makes when defeated. All perfect! I just think the concept makes it even more hilarious. And besides, there is a trick up its oily cloaca... ever heard of Gnawty’s Special Attack?

In temple levels dwell brownish, seemingly Elite Gnawties, who operate gigantic millstones, running around to roll them and potentially crush Kongs! Are they seeking revenge for their fallen brethren, or are they stalwart protectors of these ruins, trying to stop any intruders from destroying its walls to reach its sacred Bonus Games? Or maybe they’re just getting their exercise, at an inconvenient time for everyone else! They love to run on a wheel!

The Guy Who Is Never Pleased: “Heh! You call that GNAWTY? That is a paltry level of gnawtiness! I could handle a few more degrees of gnawtiness, easy!”

Well then. In that case, it’s a good thing we have...

Very Gnawty

Very Gnawty is arguably gnawtier than a regular Gnawty! It has a LAIR. That is a gnawty thing to have, you don’t usually have a lair if you’re a goody little gumdrops! You have an abode in that case. 

Very Gnawty is gnawty enough to be a boss, hoarding a hoard of the Kongs’ Banana Hoard in its lair! It is also pretty pathetic. It takes like, ten seconds to defeat. But it sure is funny! This is just a bigger Gnawty, named Very Gnawty! I love it!

The Guy Who Is Never Pleased: “Nope, still not gnawty enough! I came here to see some REAL gnawtiness! You’d better step it up!”

REAL gnawtiness, eh...?

Really Gnawty

How about a big Gnawty that takes TWENTY seconds to defeat! Now THAT’s gnawty behavior! This one can jump higher! It has a more fashionable checkered tail! And of course, it’s named after the fact that it is even gnawtier than its predecessor! 

The Guy Who Is Finally Pleased: “Thank you, Really Gnawty. You showed me how to have a positive outlook on life :)”

Thank goodness! Honestly though, Really Gnawty is NOT the gnawtiest Gnawty. It’s actually Very Gnawty, because in the GBA version...

Very Gnawty (who is brown in this version for some reason) shows up uninvited to DK’s house! When DK enters, Very Gnawty gasps and escapes right away, clearly knowing this was gnawty behavior. Congratulations on being the gnawtiest Gnawty!

Finally, I would not dare talk about Gnawty without mentioning Beaver Bother! I always assumed this bonus game was about being bothered by beavers, but then I played it, and learned it is you who is bothering the beavers, who are quite scared of a little bother! Bothering them into a hole. That is so rude! Bodaciously bothersome! But it’s funny. Sorry Gnawty, you know I love you! But Beaver Bother is funny!