#and being flexible about how i’m achieving these goals also and forgiving to myself if i don’t do everything on this list every day

[devilsskettle]

things i’m trying to do for my life to be better summer 2023 edition —

-> exercise 3x a week at least

-> eat protein

-> find easy recipes with few ingredients so i’ll actually be consistent about cooking actual meals for myself

-> less caffeine: no caffeine on non-work days or after 3 pm

-> habit stacking

-> no phone in the morning (admittedly a challenge because it helps my brain wake up but at what cost)

-> california sober

-> read Something

-> fruit

-> hydrate

-> being consistent about doing the dishes + laundry

-> slowly but surely getting my room together in a way that is fit for human habitation

-> i am a body before i am a mind so i need to prioritize my physical needs

-> traveling as much as i can afford to

[surviveschool]

good emotional skills to know 4 college but also in general

this is stuff that i’ve found helpful and am in the process of working on. they may not be achievable for you without help and may not work for your specific circumstance, but this is a list of suggestions that you might be able to think about. i am also not a mental health professional so please do feel free to contradict me!!

self soothing.  having a toolbox to take care of yourself by yourself. bc sometimes nobody else is available and you just gotta put some lotion on, listen to a tune, and go to bed early. 

checking in. checking in with yourself to see if you’re okay. knowing how to alter your strategies when your strategies aren’t working. knowing when your strategies aren’t working. this is just taking some time every day to reflect on what goals you didn’t meet and why and what you can do to fix that.

there’s nothing you “should” be doing. if you get caught up thinking “i should be doing x” that’s false! stop that! “should” be doing better implies that you have some obligation to do whatever it is that you “should” be doing. you don’t owe anybody except yourself. analyze why you think you should be doing that thing and change that into.... “i want to be doing x because...” or “doing x will make me happier, because...”. overall, more productive and less self-shamey. 

disconnecting from the crowd. eating in a crowded dining hall can be stressful! knowing how to be alone in a crowd and stay calm is helpful

being okay with being alone.  tbh college is kind of... being alone a lot, in my experience. even though you’re surrounded by people, a lot of time is spent alone. making friends is hard. your friends have different schedules. you’re busy. shit sucks. we make the best of it.

knowing yourself. this relates to a lot of what i’ve already said but like. knowing your emotional state and knowing what helps trick the monkey brain is helpful. stop repressing your feelings, friends.

talking to strangers. ordering from a menu! paying library fines. going to office hours. asking for a cashier at the register if there isn’t one. ya this is hard. ya you gotta expose yourself. sometimes i just try playing a persona. like this isn’t me ordering a sandwich. this is a cool me who knows how to talk to people who is ordering a sandwich.

you don’t have to be friends with your roommates. you just have to live together in a way that doesn’t make you two hate each other. ideally, you two will coexist in a way that doesn’t interfere with the other’s daily life.

give and taking. on the topic of roommates, sometimes your roommate can be a shitty person, but sometimes you are the shitty person! give a little but if they’re negatively impacting your life, communicate.

communicating during disagreements. explain what your emotions are instead of blaming them. “i feel hurt when you...” or “i feel frustrated when” or “i feel unappreciated when.” if things get heated, ask if you both can take a ten minute break and then come back. and don’t bring up disagreements when the other party is preoccupied or going somewhere. you can legitimately schedule a discussion.

it’s okay to apologize. learning to swallow your pride gets easier each time.

knowing that people work differently than you. some people are not gonna click with you and it’s gonna seem like they have this whole brain process up there that is totally unlike yours. and yeah! that’s how it is. and that’s chill if they aren’t hurting anyone else. work with them and be flexible!! 

comforting people. you will probably/definitely see someone cry! hell if i know how to comfort people. someone please help. but some things i’ve learned are: 1) different people need different things. different people need different things! 2) people need different things at different times. 3) you can ask them what they want and it won’t be weird. 4) apparently a lot of people like hugs? but ask. and it’s okay to not want a hug. 5) just show that you care in some way if you don’t know what they need. i used to think that if somebody needed to tell me what they needed it was a sign that i just didn’t know them well enough and we weren’t compatible or i wasn’t being a good friend. that’s fake! friendship isn’t based off of fitting naturally in every way and making an effort to be good for them is important.

knowing it’s okay to not be liked by everyone. it’s okay if strangers think you’re dumb because you said something dumb in public. you know you’re not dumb. it’s okay if not everybody you meet likes you. it’s okay if you do something cringey. everybody has their own shit to deal with and you will not shatter their world.  grow and move on!

forgiving yourself. i’m trying this new thing where when i feel embarrassed about something i say. out loud. “i forgive myself.” and then i just try to grow from that and move on without getting caught in a spiral of shame.

knowing what you need vs what you want and what is better at the time. what you need: a shower. what you want: to not do that. solution: take a shower! or maybe what you actually need is to go to sleep? but guess what. you probably know what is good for you. the hard part is actually doing it.

realize that building habits is less work than discipline. emotional effort is expended every time you have to make yourself do something. just make it part of your routine and you’ll just think it’s normal to do all the good things! like, for example, i’m trying to make it a habit to eat structured meals instead of a “eat when i’m hungry” thing because i know that makes me skip meals, which is bad!

you won’t be able to do everything. forgive yourself for that. write down  things that are top priority and focus on them. everything else is not important right now and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not being able to do them.

your health is important. i’m not saying health will solve all your problems. it won’t! but health will cause a lot of your problems to go away. because let’s face it. not sleeping causes a lot of problems. 

it’s okay to ask for help. we say this a lot but it’s hard to internalize it. here’s a thought: there’s so much shame and hesitation about asking for help so by doing that you’re actually being proactive (which is respectable) and mature, and therefore... not weak or stupid. ask for help even before you need it! most people love to help others. and especially take advantage of people who are OFFERING help. for example: counselors at school or TAs. it’s literally their job. they want to do it. and if you don’t want to talk to anybody in real life, my inbox is always open.

[anatomyandcappuccini]

Back to school series #2 - HOW TO BE DISCIPLINED

Welcome to this new post of my #backtoschoolseries!! if you haven’t already checked my last back-to-school related post you can do it here :D

The main topic of this post is discipline and how you can learn to manage it. When I was repeating my first med school year I learned how to discipline myself and it let me have a life apart from my studies. I used to wake up every day at 5.45 am for my morning workout, go to uni, come back home and study, cook my meals and go to bed early enough. I was also able to spend some free time with my friends and family during the weekends. This routine helped me manage my time, gave me a sense of accomplishment and made me go to bed almost every day knowing I had my sh*t together. 

So how did I manage to develop this busy routine AND pass my first year? Continue to read! 

Know the difference between motivation and self-discipline. Motivation is what will get you started, and is powered by your WHY. WHY do you want to go to college? WHY do you want to lose 10 pounds? WHY do you want to run a marathon? All of the answers to these questions are the main motor of your motivation. And motivation is the motor of discipline. Discipline is what will make you study every day so you’ll have those grades that will make you get into the college of your dreams. Discipline is what will make you wake up at 6 am every morning to go for a run. In other terms, discipline is what you need in order to keep going and stay on track. Discipline can’t exist without motivation and motivation is nothing without discipline. 

We all practice discipline is some aspects of our life. For some of us, it will be waking up every morning at a reasonable hour in order to not be late for school. For others, it will be taking their medication every day in order to stay healthy. So stop telling yourself you don’t have any discipline or willpower because you won’t even be reading this post otherwise.

Discipline is a skill, and like every other skill, it has to be practiced every day. You have to put effort and focus in what you want to achieve and sometimes you’ll have to literally force yourself to get things done. Like I said in my previous post about motivation, no one really wants to wake up at 6 every morning to do a workout, especially if it’s dark and cold outside, and that your bed is begging you to stay.

Know yourself, and know what your weaknesses are. When you acknowledge these, you can find strategies to overcome them. If you want to go to bed earlier but you’re always on your phone till late at night, try to force yourself to put your phone in another room when you go to bed. If you’re always distracted by your Instagram notifications whilst studying, put your phone in airplane mode, or delete the app from it. If you just can’t control yourself over junk food, just don’t buy it. Remove every temptation so you’ll only focus on what’s important.

Plan your days ahead and plan your future. Again, ask yourself WHY you want to be disciplined, and WHAT the willpower you want to develop will bring into your life. The advantages of you being more disciplined have to overcome the reasons why you shouldn’t be, and that’s how motivation comes in the way.

Know that sometimes sh*t happens. That’s why you need a plan B. Having a backup plan doesn’t mean you don’t believe in your dreams, it just means that you are some kind of realistic about life and you know that it doesn’t always go as you wished it would. Having a plan B will make everything a bit more flexible and you’ll feel less anxious about your goals.

If you’re trying but you just can’t find any willpower in what you want to do, ask yourself if there’s something that’s preventing you from being disciplined. Are you sure you’re doing whatever you’re doing because you want it? Or are you doing it to please someone else? Are you scared of the outcome? Do you feel something is going wrong? It’s really important for you to have this little talk with yourself so you can focus on what you really want in your life because when your goals are genuine and clear, motivation comes by itself and discipline will follow. 

Remember that it’s ok to screw up sometimes. You are not a robot and it is totally normal to have days where you don’t feel like it. Resting is also part of the process and will help you clear your vision and regain all the precious energy you need :) Forgive and take care of yourself!

I honestly think this post should be related to my post about motivation (if you haven’t read it already, I invite you to do it now!) 

As usual, I hope these tips will be useful! I’m curious to know how do you guys practice discipline :) 

(PS : sorry for my english)

Studygram 

[miriamscorneroftheuniverse-blog]

Running the World is Exhausting

Hello there, dear reader! Thank you for stopping by my very first post. I am ecstatic you are here! My goals in writing this blog are twofold: (1.) To record and reflect on the lessons that God is teaching me in everyday life, and (2) to (hopefully!) encourage others by sharing them.

As this is the first post, I want to tell you a little about myself. I am 19 years old and am almost done with my second semester in college. I love coffee, dark chocolate, and basically all food. I am a stress eater, (a problem I am currently working on and may write a post about in the somewhat near future). I find joy in music, movies, books, and especially words. Languages and exotic cultures thrill my heart; I hope to travel the world someday. Sometimes I visit libraries or bookstores, just to look at books I would read if I had the time. (I love you Books-A-Million.) I am a professional worrywart. When I was in 11th grade I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism causes imbalance in a person's hormones, which leads to many problems. The most frustrating of said problems is topsy-turvy emotions. Thankfully, time, natural hormone supplements, and the love of Jesus have balanced me out (-for the most part, any way 😉). I often still live through days filled with anxiety, usually about small matters. Overall though, I am doing well. Everyday I am learning how to live my best life, which now includes this blog! I am so excited for this next step in my adventure.

Once again, thank you for beginning this journey with me.

Love ya always,

Miriam

And, without further ado, onto the real nosh for thought. 😉

(Disclaimer: I am in no way a professional writer! Please forgive any incorrect usage of grammar, vocabulary, etc. This is a fun project for me; an escape from school. I will do my absolute best on each post, as I am trying to use this as a tool to improve my writing. Please feel free to give me constructive criticism! I will be most grateful.)

I used to think that I was in charge of running the world, or at least of keeping my own little corner running smoothly. It was only very, very recently that I realized that this is not my job at all. For the last semester and a half -and really my entire life- I've been trying so hard to keep everything in order. I daily made lists. Every night before I went to bed, I would make a long list for the next day. I would double check class assignments. I would triple or quadruple check my alarm for the next morning. I was frightened that I would miss something -a small essay, putting an extra pair of socks in my backpack, getting to eat  breakfast because I got up too late. Over time I realized that this is, in fact, a miserable way to live. The problem was, I didn't know what else to do. If I wasn't going to keep my life in order, who was?

Now, I''m not saying it's bad to be prepared, but there is a difference between being prepared for what is coming next and being obsessed with performing perfectly. I was definitely obsessed.

Aside from it making me miserable, there was an entirely separate issue here. According to www.merriam-webster.com, obsession is defined as "a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling."

Well, that definition is eye opening. This information showed me two problems:

The thing I'm working so hard to achieve is unreasonable, probably not even possible.

I am  disturbingly preoccupied with perfection. That sounds a whole lot like I'm making it an idol.

For a long time I believed idols to be tangible things -money, clothes, K-pop band members.(That last one is only kind of a joke - If you don't know about K-pop, do yourself a favor and google it, my friend.) Perfection is not something I can hold in my hands, so I hadn't thought of it as an idol, but it certainly is for me. An idol is anything I allow to be more important than God. When I am so focused on myself and what I believe to be best, I'm likely to miss what God has for me, that, while likely different, is infinitely better.

Realizing that I, as a human, can actually control very little that goes on in my world can be a huge weight off my shoulders if I just let it. God is already running the show. Once we not only realize this but also accept and embrace it, we find freedom in unimaginably large quantities. It's alright if we, as imperfect humans, mess up. Our eternal, infallible, heavenly Father is aware of our imperfections, and He works not just around them, but through them. God tells us this in his word: "My power works best in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9, NLT

For me, it is a daily thing; reminding myself that it's not my job to run the world or even my own life. Some days are easier than others. At this point in my life, I honestly do not know what my future holds- I may never know, and I'm becoming okay with that. Proverbs 16:9 says "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." (NLT) I  know the One who holds today, and tomorrow and eternity, and I am continually learning to let Him be in charge.

Blogger, travel agent, stay at home mom, Queen of Sheba (yeah, that one is a long shot, 😂), professional mess maker, single cat lady, missionary to Africa, or something totally different than any of these, who knows? I surely don't, but my God does.

I'm not always a flexible person, but every day I'm becoming more so. I am learning that God's plans are often not the same as mine, but they are always better. And so, all I have to do is walk down the life-path God has exquisitely and lovingly planned for me. I'll keep my sticky, strawberry jam scented, ink stained fingers securely in His firm and guiding hand, taking today one moment at a time.

All the love in the world,

Miriam

*Thank you so much for reading! This piece was originally posted as “Just Let God” on March 24th, 2019, on Google Blogger , where I first intended to have a blog. After a few posts, I decided I needed a more efficient platform to work with, so here I am, giving tumblr a whirl. This is an exciting next step in my writing journey! Thank you again for your time and attention. *

[tsgcolumbus]

Happy Mother’s Day

“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.” —Unknown 

Mothers deserve to be celebrated every single day and showered with love always. We are so grateful for all of the mothers that make Columbus and TSG all that it is. We asked some of our members to share their favorite things about their mothers & about being a mothers themselves - and we are absolutely loving their sweet answers!

Autumn Pochiro with Autumn Dawn Inspired Design

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“What I love and admire most about my sweet mom is she's always smiling even when the world around her looks bleak.”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:  

“Everyone deserves a second chance. That's what love is a chance.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:

“Being a mom is the greatest gift. The love of my daughters makes my world whole yet makes me question every decision. The job of being their moral and spiritual compass until they know their own heart makes me want to be a better person daily.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:  

“Quality time spent with my girls I am always amazed at the way they love, dream, and play. Even as teens, they have this beautiful view of humanity. Grateful, to have their unconditional love.”

Jennifer Heck with Dr Robert Heck-Columbus Aesthetic and Plastic Surgery

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“My mother had the patience to do it all. She was a full time middle school teacher while raising 5 kids and we always felt well cared for. She had to have been pulled in so many directions but yet all us children never wanted for anything. Probably the most admirable attribute about my mom however is her ethics and kindness, she truly always does the right thing and is caring to all she meets!”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:  

“The greatest advice my mom gave to me was to give myself a break. I often want to succeed at multiple things at once and am hard on myself if i don't believe I'm achieving a certain level of success. I have learned that I can't be the best at home, work, my work outs, taking care of the kids and my husband all at once, I need to forgive myself for having balance and accepting my definition of "best" doesn't mean I'm still not succeeding.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:  

“The biggest lesson I have learned about myself becoming a mother is realizing that I need to be flexible. Just because I want things, behaviors, goals for the kids to be a certain way doesn't mean it's the only path it will take.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:  

“The thing I love most about being a mother now that my kids are 17 and 19 are  the simple things like family dinner, knowing they are asleep in their rooms at night, or making them breakfast in the morning. The transition from infant to teen goes so fast, I've enjoyed it all but what also brings me joy now is seeing them be independent and thinking through things themselves to better prepare for adulthood!”

Erica Fullen with The Wild Sage Collective

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Her creativity. My mom has an amazing eye for design and can make any space look beautiful.”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:  

“Being one of 3 daughters and having 3 daughters myself, my mother has always told me to choose my battles. Do you want to be right or do you want peace is a question I often ask myself when I find myself on the verge of a "battle" with my daughters.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:  

“I have learned what it feels like to have my heart on the outside of my body.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:  

“Being a mother constantly challenges and motivates me to show up as the best version of myself.”

Fiona Miller with Fiona Miller Art

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“My mum is a natural giver: she is always ready to love on and serve others!”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:  

“This advice has come more through example than words, but she has taught me the value of hard work and determination. So much can be accomplished by just tackling one thing and then the next.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:  

“I am not a very patient person!!!  (I'm still learning this one.....)”

The thing I love most about being a mother:  

“It has taught me so much about my faith: the depth to which I love my children simply because they are mine, helps me understand how much I am loved by God.”

Francesca Festa with Dragonfly Counseling and Wellness

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Self-care. I have seen my mother take care of her body and her mind with consistency and balance through her whole life with yoga, massages, an healthy diet and her personal skin care routine. I always admired it and I witnessed the benefits. I came to appreciate her lifestyle even more when I became a working mom and following in her footsteps helped me gain balance and maintain sanity. And of course, her teaching had a great impact on my job as a wellness counselor!”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:  

“My mother had to work full time when I was growing up and I remember her job was not always the best fit for her. However, she dutifully went to work everyday until she retired, without ever complaining. She taught me a sense of responsibility and commitment. At the same time, she always encouraged me (and in fact made it possible for me) to follow my passions.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:  

“Becoming a mother taught me the importance of slowing down and learning to be present. I am practicing being mindful and offering my children undivided attention for a certain period of time. Although it can be really challenging, I intentionally take some time every day to turn off my phone and just be with my kids without distractions. I do it both for them and for myself.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:  

“Spending time with my kids I rediscovered the joy of playing. I love sitting on the floor with them or getting messy with art projects. Playing with them allows me to connect and teach them new skills to help them grow. At the same time, playing gives me an opportunity to be creative, relieve stress, and be in the moment.”

Abigail Fredelake with The Scout Guide

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Her energy, love for life, and how everyone she meets becomes a friend.”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:  

“Life is short, so live it to the fullest and don't take things too seriously.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:  

“The amount of love I could have for my son.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:  

“The smile he gives me when I walk into a room is the absolute best.”

Paxton Hood with The Scout Guide

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Her strength, resilience, and grace through the difficult times will never not amaze me. She is patient and calm through all things and loves with her whole heart. I can only hope when I am a mother someday that my children feel as loved and supported as I do every day from my mother.”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:  

“Control what you can and don’t dwell on things you cannot - I can get a bit dragged down by my desire to control things and discouraged when I cannot. She always reminds me that it is okay to let things go a little, breathe, and give myself a bit of a break. It is okay to not have it all together – learning that more than ever with this pandemic!”

Mara Ackermann with Ackermann & Associates

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Her independence, she always has been self-sufficient and has relied only on herself.”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:  

“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:  

“My daughters watch everything I do- my actions need to have accountability and character”

The thing I love most about being a mother:  

“Seeing the world through the eyes of my children who have no judgement and everything is new and exciting.”

Allison Leonard with Kismet Visuals

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Is how she has always 1000% provided for our family, not financially necessarily but she shows her love so well in all the other ways. I wish I was half as good as her in the kitchen too”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:  

“Be the bigger person AND if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:  

“That nothing hurts more than seeing your children hurting and although I would do anything to take away their pain I also know part of life is pain and letting them grow and learn from that pain is important.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:  

“The hugs and kisses and the way they truly love me unconditionally.”

Jenn Teitt with Bellepoint Company

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:

“Being a mother has taught me every day about God's love for me. In the same ways I care for, nurture, protect, and guide Charlie, I know God cares for, nurtures, protects, and guides me.“

The thing I love most about being a mother:

“Waking up every morning is kind of like Christmas. I'm excited to see his bright smile, hear his sweet voice, and feel those little arms wrap around my neck. Every day is ten times better because of Charlie.”

[ashleydoes-blog]

fitness (v.1)

My sister in law and I train with a personal trainer together once a week. We met our trainer through a bootcamp at our gym that ran for the month of January. We took another bootcamp with her and now we’re gearing up for our third. This week we were chatting with her about what did and didn’t work previously.

While we were discussing how intimidating it is for a first-timer in a bootcamp we both admitted that during our first week back in January we both went home and cried. A few times. 

We were overwhelmed. Frustrated. Intimidated. Embarrassed. 

Women twice our age were kicking our ass. We didn’t know any of the vocabulary. We didn’t know any of the movements. We both hated timed challenges because neither of us are big on competition, or trying to move fast. We both like to concentrate on form over speed. Neither of us have ever been too athletic. We both have tricky knees. Basically, we didn’t know what we were doing. And not knowing what you are doing can be terrifying.

I’ve been thinking about it for days. I had sort of forgotten about crying over bootcamp and remembering it flooded me with an arching perspective of how far I’ve come and what I’ve learned along the way. How I’ve been meaning to share it and document it, and just haven’t. Because writing about something you are still learning about can be terrifying.

(Which explains the draft staring at me titled “ashley does dating.”)

I’ve been in an absorption phase for the past year. I’m trying to learn as much as I possibly can about every subject I’m interested in. When you switch gears from telling people what you know to learning what everyone else knows, it makes you less interested in writing what you know. You know?

One thing that I have learned … no matter what the subject is, no one has it exactly right all the time. Striving for perfection and waiting for your knowledge to be fully formed just gets in the way of living your life.

I wasn’t good at bootcamp, but I decided it didn’t matter. I just cried my tears and kept going.

I spent my entire adult life being fascinated by people who worked out. I didn’t understand where they were getting their motivation. I didn’t understand why they wanted to put themselves through it. I didn’t know where they found the time. I didn’t get it. I knew I wanted to be healthy. I knew I wanted to exercise. I just couldn’t ever find my groove and I didn’t understand how other people were finding theirs. You can read someone’s personal story of their own fitness journey and it doesn’t make a bit of difference in your life. I always thought I would do it one day … when I had gotten in a little bit better shape at home on my own, when I had friends that also wanted to work out, when I found the style of exercise I truly enjoyed. 

As it turns out, the way that I started consistently working out is by forgiving myself for sucking. 

I did join a gym. I did have two amazing sister in laws that both went there and motivated me. I did take classes to find what I enjoyed. But before all of that and above all of that the main thing that I did was not put any pressure on myself to be good at it, to be consistent at it, or to have any goals at all. I understand that my process of motivation by zero goals whatsoever is not for everyone. But it’s what worked for me. 

I decided that there wasn’t going to be a start date, because then I could fail. I wasn’t going to say “this day marks the day that I start working out 4 days a week” because if I didn’t work out 4 days that week, or any week, I would have failed. I instead told myself “I’m going to go to the gym when I can. If I make it that day, awesome! If I don’t make it that day, whatever.” I just went when I had time, so instead of it being this looming task that I had to do, it was a fun task that I wanted to do. 

I sucked at everything, too. Cardio, weights, Zumba, everything. The first cycle class I ever took I just laughed hysterically the whole time because it was so hard, and I was so bad at it. But I decided that didn’t matter. I told myself all the time that whatever I was doing had to be better than doing nothing. 

I refused to change my diet. I knew if I tried to tackle too much at once I would quit. So I drew the line at food. I already ate sort of healthy. There was (and still is) a lot of work to be done with my diet, but I didn’t eat fast food or drink sodas all day, and I knew myself well enough to know that if I took on too much I would give up all together. So when anyone would try to bring up diet changes to me I would just tell them bluntly I wasn’t changing my diet. I saw a few excellent faces as a result of that. I knew how important food was. I knew my progress would be slower. I knew what to eat and what to change. I just chose not to focus on everything at once. My priority was making working out a routine, and once it was I could move on to the next thing. 

There were weeks I didn’t make it to the gym. There have been times I have fallen behind in how much weight I could lift, only to have to catch up to where I already was. There were days I shouldn’t have gone because I was tired or sore and didn’t get a good work out because I didn’t give myself enough rest. I’ve watched people pass me up in body changes. I’ve been put to shame in class after class by people who are bigger, stronger, and faster than me. I’ve had to overcome a lot of fear. 

I did it slowly. On my own terms. The only goal I set was just to go to the gym sometimes. I didn’t pick a number on the scale I wanted to achieve. I didn’t pick an amount of weight I wanted to lift, or a distance I wanted to run. I didn’t pick a diet to follow, or an amount of calories I wanted to burn.

I just picked health, and hoped the rest would fall into place. It was the only way I could do it so that it would be a sustainable lifestyle change, and it has become one. I work out at the gym or at home anywhere from 3 to 7 days a week. I lift weights, work on balance and flexibility, bang out cardio, take studio classes when I’m in the big city, and try anything new I can get my hands on. I’m not the best at any of it. But I’m the strongest I’ve ever been, I’m the most confident I’ve ever been, and I’m the most forgiving of myself I’ve ever been. Every once in a while I get asked what I’m up to or for advice so I’m putting my experience to paper, so to speak.

If you’re struggling to figure out a routine … if you’re intimidated … if it’s all scary … if competition makes you want to throw up … if all you know is you want to be healthier … if you don’t know what your goals even are … if you’ve thought you knew your goals before only to fail at them and feel subhuman …

Permission to suck, granted. 

Just go back again, you know, when you’re not tired and you have time and it’s not a big deal if you don’t but you should. 

[cynthiadshaw]

What’s the Most Important Lesson You’ve Learned Along Your Journey?

Every twist in our story, challenge we face, and obstacle we overcome is an important part of our story.  These difficulties make us stronger and wiser and prepare us for what’s ahead.  As we grow and succeed we may imagine that soon the challenges will fade away, but in our conversations with business owners, artists, creatives, academics, and others we have learned that the most common experience is that challenges never go away – instead they get more complex as we grow and succeed.  Our ability to to thrive therefore depends heavily on our ability to learn from our experiences and so we are asking some of the city’s best and brightest: What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned along your journey?

Dawn Treader | a nonprofit who is raising awareness to defend and protect the rights of widows and orphans through the exploration of local artist, live music, and some dang good coffee

Mikaylah McGee

The most important lesson we’ve learned is, the process is more important than the prize. The process itself is the prize. Providing for orphans and widows is our oxygen, its our DNA. We don’t build homes for orphans and widows over night. It takes time. Our dream is to change lives all over the world but that begins with taking advantage of every hour and disciplining ourselves to be competitive for the helpless over time. We live for the PROCESS.

dawntreadertx.com @dawntreadertx @dawntreadertx

Ria Hartfield and my business is Locs By Ria

The most important lesson I learned so far was to believe in myself because and not sell myself short. I’m a self-taught stylist so I was very insecure about my work. I wasn’t 100% sure if I was even doing it right but my clients would be extremely satisfied with the results. Some of my clients won’t even go to other stylists. It took a long time for me to recognize my worth as a loctician and to realize that I really am talented.

@locsbyria

Loviatar’s | Vintage Event Rentals & Interior Curation

Photo Credit: @laurenapelphoto HMU: @sydneyannlopezhair

A valuable trait we have had to channel is patience. As designers that deal in predominantly vintage goods, we are always on the hunt for unique and eclectic items. Often times it would be easier to pick up a missing piece at a conventional retailer but we know that the end result is that much more rewarding if we put in the extra time to hunt down the perfect piece. We are finding that people truly do appreciate the little details and the story that is attached to each object, making our efforts worthwhile!

loviatars.com @loviatars

Letty Stewart | Lash Artist & Esthetician

 In my journey I have experienced so many things. It hasn’t been easy but with the help of my family I have finally found my dream job which is a Lash Artist at Peachy Keen Studio and I am so happy to be where I am at now. My obstacles in life have been tough from dropping out of high school to abusive relationships but I have managed to find the light at the end of the tunnel. My biggest accomplishments have been thanks to my husband. He’s inspired me to be who I am today. I know that my children will be inspired as well to be better and create a world full of joy and love.

linktr.ee/letty.peachykeenstudio

Joshua Harris | Professional athlete | Fitness consultant

Lynne Jones

The harder you work, the less you worry. When your work ethic is at a high level, that eliminates any doubt you may experience because you know how hard you’re working and that gives you an unwavering amount of confidence.

thepeakwork.com

Kiesha Hick | Entrepreneur, Eye Candi Bar

@thelavishluxe

The important lesson I have learned on my journey so far is, self importance, self development and patience, while coming out of my comfort zone, to do what I was called to do, empowering women, and giving them the confidence to look and feel beautiful!

@eyecandibar @eyecandibar

TK Kader | Author of the international best seller “How to Punch the Sunday Jitters in the Face”, Entrepreneur and Angel Investor

You can accomplish anything you want in life and become unstoppable as long as you practice belief x discipline.

@tkkader

Alexandra Goodman | designer

You are going to have some negative experiences. It could be as simple as someone not liking your work or being denied an application to participate in a local art show. You cannot let those experiences define you. Do not let them become setbacks. Keep pushing forward. Focus on the praise you receive from clients and their genuine appreciation for your creations.

etsy.com/shop/agoodmandesigner @agoodmandesigner

Acenette Gonzalez and Justin Ramirez | Owners of Maravilla Cacao Confections

A valuable lesson I’ve learned on my journey is collaboration is a key to success. I say this because collaborating with others brings inspiration from places you never thought to seek it from. It has allowed me to to create with others on different artistic platforms and see different points of views. All while helping that other independent business as well. The great thing about being a small business owner is the support from other small business owners. We all want to see each other succeed and that’s a beautiful thing to me.

@maravillacacao maravillacacao@gmail.com

Elena Jones | Mom | Wife | Entrepreneur

@katiemeckleyphotography

Moving to a new country has been a great challenge. To start again, especially while tending to young children, was much more difficult than I imagined. Throughout this journey, I have learned that success, in its truest sense, doesn’t come with haste or ease, but to those who exercise the three P’s: passion, persistence, and patience. First, in order to accomplish anything noteworthy, you have to have an unyielding passion for your work with a single, noble goal in mind: an objective that goes beyond your own material success and that truly benefits your clients and the greater community. If you don’t believe in the product or service you’re selling, then you need to be selling something else. Second, I have learned that very little can be accomplished unless you are persistent in chasing your dream; this means waking up in the morning with a plan of micro-goals to accomplish for the day and repeating that routine until you see results. Every day is an obstacle course that must be navigated with focus and tenacity. It also means adapting strategies that are not working, yet keeping your overall mission in mind. Finally, I have learned that nothing meaningful can be achieved without patience and that an enduring success can only be accomplished over time. The old saying, “good things come to those who wait,” may be dismissed nowadays, but it rings true in my life. The setbacks we experience—the lost sale, the incomplete checklist, the long-term client who decided to go elsewhere—are opportunities to better learn our business and grow in virtue. There is no such thing as failure as long as we continue to see the big picture and keep moving in the right direction.

@latinamomintheheartoftexas  @latinamomintexas

Magnolia Elvis | music producer & recording engineer

@Dj_ron_t

You have to always be prepared to work; even on your off days.

VibeLabDallas.com  ShoutOutMagnolia.com

Addie Roberts | Registered Dietitian and Nutrition Coach

The most important lesson I’ve learned is that people don’t thrive under more rules around what NOT to do with food. Instead, I’ve found that lasting change is made and people are able to flourish and achieve their goals when the coaching message is promoted as food freedom without obsession around what they’re eating.

generalwellnessnutrition.com @generalwellness  youtube.com/generalwellness

Kelly Harrod | Body Liberation/Self Love Advocate

The most important thing I’ve learned on my journey so far is the importance of flexibility. So many times we plan with good intentions as society tells us that those who fail to plan, plan to fail. Some times life does it’s own thing, causing out beautifully crafted plans to fall by the wayside. Learning to be flexible has allowed me to be more forgiving of myself and others when things don’t go as I had hoped.

@the_self_love_squad @selflovesquadig

ChristFit Unashamed

Community is so important to growth of person physically, mentally, and Faith.

linktr.ee/christfitunashamed

  Ashton Lewis | Actor

Patience and persistence. If you’re working hard at what you want, don’t beat yourself up for, one, sucking at it when you first start. I’m a recovering perfectionist, so this is a hard one for me. And that’s an ego thing, right? If I’m focusing on how much I suck, that’s entirely about what other people think of my progress. But what other people think doesn’t matter: if I’m thinking about that I’m just torpedoing my own joy. Second, don’t beat yourself up for taking a bit to figure something out. Sometimes it just takes longer than other people. But what I’ve learned on my journey is that if you’re patient, and keep at those skills you’re trying to hone, they often open up and start blooming over time. It’s difficult to see in the moment but you look back and see what the journey was and how important it was to take the long path and struggle through it.

@actionlewis  backstage.com/u/ashton-lewis

Tre’Quwandous Love | Aspiring model Natural Hair Enthusiast and Hospitality expert

@shotbyadrw eyeofandrewphoto@gmail.com

You have to move in life knowing that the things you are seeking are also seeking you and will find you in the most divine fashion.

@trelovetrelove @TreCLove

Diana Pàez | social communicator and journalist | Founder and CEO of Let`s go By Diana Paez

My biggest lesson in this wonderful journey I have been gone through is to be patience and understand that good thing happens exactly at the moment have to happen,. sometimes we reject what we have and we don’t pay attention to the wonderful things around us. I have learned that every person in the world have a special place and labor to do while were living the life and enjoy every moment in the present can be the only thing that change our future. Every lesson will be a part of the process in our life and we need to take them as part of example to tell other people that fall off is not too bad when we can get up and be better. patience is part of the process to grow in every dream you want to make it real.

@letsgo.by.dianapaez letsgobydianapaez.com

Lizz Hurley | Visual Artist

The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is that sales don’t determine talent. Sales will come, focus on perfecting your craft.

lizzhurleyart.com @lizzhurleyart

Jacqueline | Empowerment Executive & Life Coach

My Starry Eyes My Intuition is My Superpower! You Never need to justify your existence. Say less than you know; show less than you have. What I practice in private I will be honored for in public. Leave All in a better space than before I arrive. Allow my potential to come out and play big on the planet. Permission Granted!

@jacquelineisms podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/permission-granted-the-jacqueline-show/id1475436982

  Blakk Juu | Hot New Rap Artist from keepit1hundredint

That if you don’t believe in yourself, then no one will so I think in myself beyond boundaries of measurements, I also learned you need active, positive people backing you up so much love to my label keepit1hundredint #usagainsthem.

@blakk.juu @usagainsthem @blakkjuu keepit1hundredint.com @BlakkJuu soundcloud.com/keepit1hundredint

Brittany Smalls | personal blogger

@filmmaker_j

I think the most important thing I have learned is that you should always stay true to yourself. People (myself included) put so much effort into trying to conform to society’s expectations, we often lose ourselves. For so long I was scared to put myself out there and go for everything I wanted because I would look at someone else and point out all of the things they have, that I don’t and I never stopped to acknowledge all of the qualities I have. Once I realized that I am not unworthy because I lack certain qualities someone else may have, my life changed and I gained so much confidence. I have never been happier. it’s made a huge difference in how I view myself, in my marriage and in my life all together. What makes you different, makes you beautiful.

@_sincerelynotyours

Maria Cruz | Paper florista

@kittyboo_

There are many things that I have learned and still learning, in a world we’re everything is “help me and I will help you” you kind of fall into a pattern of let me see how much I can get out of the situation. I have other colleagues that do the same thing and they always advise me pick your prices higher don’t sell yourself short, its never enough it’s always to low! They tell me. I learned that when you start doing something you love and greed gets in the way, it’s stops being something you love it becomes WORK and the reason I started my own small business was precisely because I did not want to work a job that made me feel prisoner of my life. And when greed comes into play that’s exactly what happens you become prisoner of money of greed and everything that involves. Don’t get me wrong of course i want to make money. I am a mother of four and I need to bring the bacon but being honest. Now three years in this business I have learned how to price, how to help my customers and be smart about my business. I can say we never stop learning EVER but with the right mentors around and a little patience I have learned a lot.

@katys_flower_wall

Mosiah Perales | Goalkeeper | Goalkeeper coach and Instagram influencer

Over little a year of my Instagram account (I made my account on May 24, 2018), is that if you want to get yourself out there on social media, you need to know what you want and the goal of why you are putting yourself out their, but when it comes to interactions with your followers and people who view your content, open your mind for other people’s comments and opinions even if they are negative. I’m doing what I love and making my passion more than a dream. If you want something, make time for it and be dedicated, don’t be afraid of failure, I’ve learned so much from failing. I was scared to put myself out there and what people would say but I didn’t let that distract from what I wanted. I want to influence people in a good way as well as get noticed and hopefully become a pro soccer player.

@fuerzagkeeping

Justin Stringfellow | DJ/MC

The most important lesson that I’ve learned in my journey so far is that there is always room for improvement in your craft. Like many artistic pursuits, the DJ field is very saturated. In order to stand out, you have to work really hard and constantly be improving. It’s also super helpful to have others to look up to and learn from. The journey of growth is just as important as the destination.

@justin.thedj mixcloud.com/JustinTheDJ

Astrid Garces | Branding Creator

Josben Rodriguez

Life is happening now and I have to be present to live it. not holding to anything in the past and not worrying about the future. Also it’s too short not to do what I love and what I am really passionate about.

@astrid_garces

Zach Rigsby | Fashion blogger & Design student

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my life is to never let anyone else’s judgment or negativity drive what I do or wear but instead to let criticism inspire me to become better.

@zach.rigsby

Bondie Metchore | Digital Marketing Consultant | Web Designer & Social Media Strategist

In life, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that change is inevitable. Things end, pain eventually goes away and there’s always a new goal to go after. Enjoying the actual journey is a blessing that we tend to overlook. Living life from a place of knowing that nothing is forever has helped me stress less during the difficult times and value more the beautiful moments that life offers.

In Business, I have learned that gaining a loyal client is more important than making a quick buck. People like to feel valued and heard and when you lead your business with love and service, clients always come back.

bondiemetchore.com @girldesigningdreams

Jonah Levine | Co-founder & Designer

The most important lesson I’ve learned is perseverance. The idea or the accumulation of ideas has in time been a bit of a struggle, but we put our heads down and figure out what needs to be done.

I’m very happy and proud of the brand that’s been created and we will continue. It’s a product for a niche market and we recognize that. Perseverance will get us through. Perseverance is what has gotten many things done in fashion and in life.

At L’Escalier we hope to bring the idea, the thought that while things may be difficult, perseverance can prove to be true.

shoplescalier.com @shoplescalier

Kyler & Kaelyn Silas (Ky & Kae) | Recording Artists/Musicians

When we were little, we were eager to be teenagers/young adults. Now we’re in middle and high school, and we just want time to slow down. We can’t believe in a few years, one of us will be off to college. Life is too short to just dream about what you want to do and not put anything into action. You have to always put your best foot forward and commit to whatever dream you want to come true.

@officialkyandkae youtube.com/channel/UCITNM6MLuu2CODIHATCuvQA bequestmusic.com

Zeke Jeremiah | Director, CEO/Founder of UTubeSensations and UTubeSensations Kids

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey is to trust the process. In the beginning I would get stressed out easily  because of so many things that would come up. Now I’m better prepared from experience, but mostly easy about it because things won’t always work out the way you wanted it too, so I relax and trust God through the process.

@campbell.zeke @UTubesensations @UTubeSensations-Kids @Forever-and-a-Day @zekejeremiah @utubesensations @utubesensations_kids

Trish Keller | Virtual Health & Fitness coach

The most important thing I’ve learned on my journey so far is how important the power of a positive attitude is. I started my journey in a pretty dark state, struggling with body image issues, unhappiness, feeling overwhelmed, and just feeling really stuck in life in general. Through coaching I learned to look at things in a more positive light, I started to look at myself through a more positive lens. Even on my harder days, when I’m struggling with competency issues or negative people, I’ve found a way to look at the lessons and the positivity in those less than ideal situations. And by doing that, I have gained self-confidence, self-worth, healthier habits, happiness, amazing friendships, and the incredible opportunity to help others find similar happiness for themselves.

@trish_keller linktr.ee/patriciakeller

The post What’s the Most Important Lesson You’ve Learned Along Your Journey? appeared first on Voyage Dallas Magazine | Dallas City Guide.

source http://voyagedallas.com/2019/08/21/whats-important-lesson-youve-learned-along-journey/

[nazurahhapizcas]

Final CAS Reflection

Reflection Grid

Increased awareness of own strengths and areas for growth

MUN [Creativity]:

As one of the people who helped run the CCA, I found that having the responsibility of a chair meant that I acted as a role model for the other delegates. We were the ones upfront who offered help to those who were confused, constructive feedback for those who had written a resolution or a speech; we also demonstrated how to speak for the debate procedure. I think one of the strengths I have as being a chairperson is that I offer help in an inviting way so people feel comfortable to ask. I related my own experiences and struggles of being a delegate and so I was relatable to those who needed help.

Undertaken new challenges

Chairing, MUN [Creativity, Service]:

After having started MUN for only a year, I wanted to experience leading a debate as a chair. The experience was majorly different from being a delegate, as I had to keep track of procedure, speaking order, and the management of POIs. The challenge for me really was memorising chairing stock phrases, although the more I chaired the more I familiarised myself with them. As a chair, I also have to be able to control the debate atmosphere - one that was encouraged delegates to speak but also to ensure debate was run in proper MUN procedure. For instance, when chairing MY delegates I gave a little more guidance by reminding the delegates now and again about procedure, whereas I could be a little more formal with the older delegates.

Netball [Action]:

When we trained in KL, we trained for 4 hours a day, in 2 hour sessions both at dusk and dawn. Each session was filled with drills which pushed us to our physical limit, which built up both our resilience and stamina. Initially, it was very tiring but I was determined to push through and give my best for each drill. By the end, we had found a rhythm and doing the drills weren’t as tiring anymore.

Planned and initiated activities

House Captain [Service]:

Being part of the Heron council meant being part of the backbone that planned for and organised events. This experience fostered creativity and teamwork among council members, where we put forward ideas for events and cooperated to make them happen. I learnt that communication is absolutely key in a team so that everyone is on board and know what they have to do. I also believe that trust is important in teamwork, where we all trust one another to fulfill our individual roles to produce an outcome we can all be proud of.

MUN CCA [Creativity, Service]:

Each week, we, the self-appointed secretary-generals of the CCA had to ensure reminders were sent to our delegates prior to the CCA to prepare news quizzes, topic reports and resolutions to be used for debate. While this was run quite well, I feel like we could improve by using one whole CCA session to have a proper debate, as opposed to using the first hour to prepare and the second to debate. This would provide a more realistic experience of an actual MUN debate for the delegates.

Netball [Action]:

When we came back from our MSSBD KL trip, there was a recruitment period for new members to join. My team members and I organised drills and activities for those who trialled. We offered guidance when showing the girls how to do the more complicated drills at a good pace so that everyone understoof (much like the girls at SSBJ did).

Worked collaboratively with others

House Captain [Service]:

I had to collaborate and plan for events with both my own house captain and my brother house. I needed to be organised so that these events were run smoothly

MUN (delegate) [Creativity]:

I needed to lobby with others during THIMUN so that we could make a good resolution. During debate, I had to work to get collaborators to support my speech or stance.

Shown perseverance and commitment in their activities

Netball [Action]:

Out of all the sports I partook for the past 2 years, I’d say netball was the one I committed to the most. For MSSBD, I trained 3 times a week for our KL trip, and for JIS netball, I attended the CCA session each week. I aimed to improve my play by being more self-aware of what I was doing; I realised I needed to work on my pacing. When I attack, I run way too fast so my defender catches up to me and so I am no longer free; when I defend, I run too fast ahead of them so they dodge the other way. When I controlled my pacing, I was able to intercept passes and get free much easier. My passes are a lot stronger now as I am able to feed a long ball into the circle with a lot more power and precision. I want to improve on dodging and deception so that I am able to get rid of my defender better. I think I need to work on timing the most so that I can get free.

Engaged with issues of global importance

MUN [Creativity]:

A lot of the backbone of a debate is grounded by the research put behind it. Preparing for conferences as both a delegate and a chair has exposed me to many issues challenging a global scale. I prepared a topic report for the MYMUN 2018 conference concerning the issue of poverty in Southeast Asia. This has created immense disparities in terms of wealth, health, education and access to facilities. This era emphasises the right to equal opportunities, and so I am glad to have participated in a debate where achieving this aim was a central theme.

Considered the ethical implications of their actions

MUN [Creativity]:

Undertaking a country’s stance on an issue requires a certain level of sensitivity when representing an argument.

House Captain [Service]:

When we planned for the movie night, we initially wanted to have the event take place at night. However, we decided to have it after school instead in consideration of middle school kids staying up too late and parents picking kids up on time.

Reflection Questions

Creativity: MUN

1. What did the activity mean to me?  Should others do this activity?  Why?

The MUN programme has been an outlet for me to realise the ongoings of the international community and the issues that concern it. Brunei is currently on the cusp of change (as are many countries in Asia), and the increase of networks in globalisation has definitely boosted the need for international cooperation. I think the MUN is empowering, and allows many young people to realise they are able to enact change.

2. What have I learned about important “global” issues?  What are my views/feelings on these issues?  What have I done to address them?

The MUN programme has definitely exposed me to many political issues concerning international relations between member states of the UN. One focus we debated on the recent THIMUN trip was the issue of organised crime. I learnt that the issue is prevalent among HIC and LIC nations alike, and that globalisation has exacerbated the rate and scale of crime because it involves interactions across many actors around the world. For instance, an LIC country such as Cambodia could be a source of human trafficking, lax border controls in Thailand enable a swift transit, maritime and land trade routes allow for efficient transport to China. An issue so complex in nature cannot be halted by simply imprisoning offenders involved because organised crime prevails solely because it is a network comprised of many interconnected features. Debating on such pressing matters has made me appreciate the importance of diplomacy in tackling global issues that threaten everyone.

Action: Netball

1. What did I plan to do?  What were my goals?  

My main goal in netball was to become more aware of my surroundings in game so that I am able to make better decisions in my play. I think I have slowly started to achieve this goal, as I am now more tactical on court. When it is time for defense, I don’t just chase after the player I am meant to mark, I shadow them and also look ahead to see where the next pass would be. This has enabled me to make interceptions. In the future, I would really like to learn how to dodge more efficiently, so that I am able to be free for passes.

2. What was my biggest challenge?

As my main target is to become a more rounded, tactical player, I think my biggest challenge is self-criticism. Constructive self-evaluation is always valuable to identify areas for improvement, but this can sometimes lead to negative thoughts. Having a clear mind is needed to move forward, and so it is important to be fair and forgiving on oneself and to avoid being too harsh.

Service: House Captain

1. How did I interact with others? What did I learn about myself and others?  

I learnt the way people plan and organise for things is different. There are people who like to plan for things early, and others who do so closer to the actual date. I think doing things early helps a lot because it gives room for in case anything major happens, albeit doing things closer to the date also has its benefits. For one, everyone is always really busy and so if we plan something out and have a good plan then we can do things efficiently. I’ve been able to be flexible to both ways depending on the situation. I think either one works if we just have a solid idea of what we will do.

2. How do I see myself developing as a result of this activity?

One of the biggest things being a house captain has taught me is organisational skills. I have developed an appreciation for the timeline before an event during the planning stages. It has made me realise that everyone works at different stages when we organise an activity, and so sometimes things take longer, and other times we can get things done very quickly. This has made me learn that successful teamwork lies on trust and being considerate on one another. 

Final note:

I’m done now. Thank you for reading my CAS blog :D 

[fayecallasdatingblog]

17 Simple Ways to Learn to Love Yourself

After going through some unbelievable ups and downs and maybe even serious heartbreak in your life, you might be struggling to learn how to love yourself. You know that you need to have compassion and patience for yourself, but either your own personality or the way men have treated you in the past has seriously dinged up your self-esteem. But now you’re ready to take control of the situation and learn how to love yourself so that others can love you even more.

Why You Absolutely Need to Learn to Love Yourself

If you’ve ever been stuck in a downward spiral of doubt and self-criticism, I ask you: is that how you want to live your life going forward? Or would you rather learn to accept your flaws and be a happy person in general?

Here are some reasons why learning how to love yourself is so critical for a fulfilled life:

Self-Compassion is Important.

When you learn how to forgive yourself, you learn how to respect yourself. Let’s say you dropped your favorite cup and it shattered into a thousand pieces. You’re cursing yourself for doing it. But you know what? It was an accident. You didn’t mean to. Learning to have self-compassion allows you to treat yourself the way you would others.

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, an associate professor at the University of Texas Austin, there are three components to self-compassion:

Self-kindness:  being supportive of yourself; treating yourself as you would someone you care about.

Common humanity: understanding that everyone makes mistakes and you’re not the only one to make them; recognizing that everyone suffers.

Mindfulness: observing your thoughts and emotions with no judgment; being present in the moment even when negative feelings come up.

It Builds Confidence.

The more you learn how to love yourself, the more confident a person you become. When you learn how to shut out that negative voice in your head, you start to see that you’re actually pretty wonderful. You were the whole time, of course, but sometimes it takes a significant mindshift to see it for yourself.

You Have to Love Yourself Before You Can Attract Someone Else’s Love.

Research shows that if you have self-doubts, you’re more likely to be dissatisfied with your relationship. You may be more insecure and questioning your partner’s every move, fearing that he will leave you. On the other hand, if you’ve learned to love yourself and gain self-confidence, you will be surer in your relationship.

17 Proven Strategies to Learn to Love Yourself

Put as much energy into loving yourself as you do others.

“Adam, I’ve always struggled to love myself. How is it possible that I can change this late in life?”

I understand that this may be a pattern you’ve carried with you your whole life — or since a string of bad relationships — but please understand that if you want to learn to love yourself, you can. The tips I’m about to give you aren’t complicated. You won’t need a therapist. You just need to work on it a little every day. Trust me.

1. Cut Yourself Some Slack

Are you hard on yourself? Do you often feel like you can’t live up to your own expectations? Ask yourself why you hold yourself (and probably no one else) up to such high standards. Who are you really trying to please? Maybe your parents, who always wanted you to thrive in school? Or a past partner who constantly criticized you?

Realize that you are the only person you need to please, and if you’re being hard on yourself, you need to lighten up.

Here’s an example. Maybe you push yourself so hard when you work out that you end up injuring yourself. You want to make a five-minute mile so you push, push, push…and then end up being unable to run at all after you tear a muscle.

Why is it important that you hit that goal? Is it even feasible? Instead, set more realistic goals. Maybe you slowly reduce your time goal by five seconds. This is achievable. Over time you may end up at that five-minute point, but you have to be compassionate enough with yourself (not to mention your body) to get there when you’re ready.

2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Everyone Else

In yoga class, you’re so busy looking at how flexible the woman next to you is that you fall over during crow pose. You’re constantly sad that your friends are paired up with great men and you’re still single. You feel like everything is a contest…that you most definitely are losing.

Here’s the thing — and it’s something you learned watching Sesame Street all those years ago — we are all different. You can’t compare yourself to anyone else because you’re not like anyone else!

The next time you realize you’re comparing yourself to anyone, stop, acknowledge what you’re doing, and let it go. Accept what you’re doing as the best you’re capable of.

3. Forgive Yourself

You’d forgive a friend, wouldn’t you? Why not forgive yourself?

In that example I gave about breaking a glass and getting mad at yourself, did that resonate? Do you criticize yourself and stay frustrated about something you did (or didn’t do)? If a relationship ends, do you blame yourself, even if the reason has nothing to do with you?

If you make a mistake, accept that mistakes happen. Breaking that glass (or a relationship ending) won’t ruin your life. But you may have an inner critic who starts berating you as soon as you make a mistake. How can you shut it off? Gently acknowledge the voice and turn the message into something more compassionate. For example:

Inner voice: I can’t believe you scared that guy off! It was too soon to sleep with him! Now you’re alone again!

Compassionate voice: The relationship ended because we weren’t right for each other. Nothing I could have done would have changed that.

4. Don’t Set Parameters for Your Love

If I could lose 10 pounds, I could learn to love myself…

When I find a boyfriend, I’ll feel better about myself…

If you find yourself setting parameters around what you need before you can learn how to love yourself, you never will.  You are constantly looking to indefinite ideas about the future and basing your own self-worth on them.

Instead, try the mindfulness practice of being in the moment. All you have is this moment right now; no past, no future. What can you love about yourself right now? Maybe you just finished a great workout and you’re feeling good. Maybe a man checked you out when you were crossing the street. Maybe your friend sent you a note to say she’s thinking of you. If you step back from your life and stop looking toward the way you think it should be, you’ll probably realize it’s pretty great.

5. Make Self-Care Part of Your Routine

Do you make a habit of doing things for your health and wellbeing, like getting massages, getting your nails done, or even just taking a long uninterrupted hot bath?  Many women don’t, especially if they have children (and being a single mom ain’t easy!). But self-care is so critical for all of us. It makes us healthier, emotionally balanced, and stress-free.

And just like on the plane when they tell you to put your air mask on before helping others, you need to nourish your own soul before trying to help anyone else.

6. Buy Yourself a Gift Now and Then

via GIPHY

You’re quick to buy a $30 candle for a friend’s birthday but would never dream of spending that money on yourself. Part of learning to love yourself is to put as much value on treating yourself as you do the people you care about.

You don’t have to spend $30 on a candle to treat yourself. How about a splurge on an afternoon maple latte, or a pedicure?

7. Treat Yourself the Way You Treat Your Friends

You’re known for being an amazing friend. You give your time and energy to the people in your social circle. So why can’t you do the same for yourself?

It’s kind of the opposite of the Golden Rule: treat yourself the way you treat others. Be kind. Be understanding. Be sympathetic.

8. Accept Your Faults (and Work on Them)

Here’s a secret: people who love themselves aren’t perfect. They’re just as flawed as you are. But they accept those flaws and try to improve upon them, and that’s what makes them different.

Do your faults seem like giant red blinking signs? Are they all you see about yourself? Step away from them and focus on all the amazing things about you. Sure, maybe you are quick to anger and you hate this, but you’re also quick to ask forgiveness from a friend you fight with. Maybe you come on strong with a guy you really like, but that’s because you’re so full of love.

Yes, you have faults. And you should work on improving them. But you will never be 100% fault-free, and that’s okay.

9. Stop the Negative Self Talk

Stop listening to the goblin in your head. He’s not real!

Ugg! You’re so stupid.

I can’t believe you did that.

Of course you screwed that up. What else?

If you feel like there’s a little goblin who lives in your head who constantly criticizes your every move, you’re not alone. Most people have one, though they all tune in or out to that voice to varying degrees. The key is not letting that goblin dictate how you feel about yourself and how you live your life.

It takes effort to mute that voice. When you hear it, talk back to it.

Yes, I made a mistake today. But it’s not the end of the world. Leave me alone, goblin!

It seems silly, but after a while, he’ll quiet down.

10. Don’t Get Stuck in the Past

It’s hard to not carry our pasts with us, especially in terms of past relationships. Maybe you were cheated on during your marriage. Maybe your ex-boyfriend always criticized you. It’s hard not to carry that baggage forward into future relationships.

But if you move forward expecting the same bad things to happen, you limit yourself and your happiness. If you expect that your next partner will cheat or emotionally abuse you, you’ll never relax and open up to the possibility of love.

What’s done is done. Let go of the past and look forward to a better future.

11. Know What You Need from Other People

When you haven’t learned to love yourself, you may let others dictate how you live. Here’s an example: maybe you don’t feel comfortable telling people no, so whenever a friend asks you to babysit her kid, you say yes…even though you don’t want to.

Or you let people walk all over you.

Until you define what you need from others, it’s difficult to get it. You need to establish your boundaries and be firm about them. Tell your friend you can’t babysit anymore. Life will go on, I promise!

12. Don’t Settle

Stop settling for less than what you really want!

I’ve worked with women who haven’t had a lot of self-confidence, and I’ve seen them settling in many ways in relationships. Maybe one moved across town into a house that was a 5-minute commute for her boyfriend…but an hour commute for her. Maybe another did all the housework even though she worked 60 hours a week, and her boyfriend had plenty of time to help out.

When you learn how to love yourself, you also learn not to settle. Your desires are just as important as anyone else’s, so find a way to get both of your needs met at least a little, instead of you doing all the sacrificing.

13. Find What’s Good in Your Life

It may be in your nature to focus on the negative, but I encourage you to find the silver lining. Even if you’re completely broke and your car is in the shop…you have time to catch up on your reading. Even if you’re single…you have plenty of time to spend with your friends.

There’s always something positive…you just have to find it.

14. Surround Yourself With Positive People

Have you ever stopped to look at the people you spend time with and wondered what it said about you? It turns out, the flaws we see in others, we often possess. If someone is angry all the time and that gets on your nerves, you might have your own anger issues. You don’t want to nurture those flaws, do you?

Surround yourself with people who have a positive outlook, who support you no matter what. Stay away from people with negative energy, because they’ll only bring you down.

15. Give the Love You Want to Get

Just like you should treat yourself the way you treat others, you should also give the love you want to receive. What do I mean?

If you’re constantly sad that you haven’t found love yet, look to see if you’re putting love out there. You can love friends, family, even pets. It’s like a boomerang. Throw it out there and it’ll come back.

16. Be Authentic, Not Someone Else

Be authentic! You do it better than anyone else.

You may look at a friend and think she’s got such a great life. Then you might try to emulate her. Dress like her. Act like her. Whatever. But the fact is: you’re not her. You’re you.  And even if right now you aren’t confident in who you are, over time, you will be. The key is being authentic and not trying on another persona.

Embrace who you are, both the good and the less good. We tend to see only the negative, while others see the positive. Think about the last person you dated. Maybe he was blown away by how smart and accomplished you were…but you didn’t feel special at all. Try to see yourself through others’ eyes and you won’t have any problem being yourself.

17. Learn from Your Mistakes

You will make mistakes in life, but if you do things right, you can learn from them so you never make them again. Rather than criticize yourself after making a mistake, ask yourself why you made it and how you can avoid it in the future.

Conclusion:

Don’t be overwhelmed with the idea that learning to love yourself might take years. Every day that you work on it, you’ll start to see more self-compassion and self-respect. You will begin to accept your flaws and eventually love yourself unconditionally.

And here’s the really amazing thing that happens once you learn how to love yourself: someone else will love you too. Once you have become 1000% okay with who you are and your place in the world, you will attract the most wonderful man you could ever have hoped to meet. Guaranteed.

Kickstart your journey to learning to love yourself with my book, Men Love Confident Women. You’ll build up your confidence before you know it!

  The post 17 Simple Ways to Learn to Love Yourself appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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[travisandersondatingblog]

17 Simple Ways to Learn to Love Yourself

After going through some unbelievable ups and downs and maybe even serious heartbreak in your life, you might be struggling to learn how to love yourself. You know that you need to have compassion and patience for yourself, but either your own personality or the way men have treated you in the past has seriously dinged up your self-esteem. But now you’re ready to take control of the situation and learn how to love yourself so that others can love you even more.

Why You Absolutely Need to Learn to Love Yourself

If you’ve ever been stuck in a downward spiral of doubt and self-criticism, I ask you: is that how you want to live your life going forward? Or would you rather learn to accept your flaws and be a happy person in general?

Here are some reasons why learning how to love yourself is so critical for a fulfilled life:

Self-Compassion is Important.

When you learn how to forgive yourself, you learn how to respect yourself. Let’s say you dropped your favorite cup and it shattered into a thousand pieces. You’re cursing yourself for doing it. But you know what? It was an accident. You didn’t mean to. Learning to have self-compassion allows you to treat yourself the way you would others.

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, an associate professor at the University of Texas Austin, there are three components to self-compassion:

Self-kindness:  being supportive of yourself; treating yourself as you would someone you care about.

Common humanity: understanding that everyone makes mistakes and you’re not the only one to make them; recognizing that everyone suffers.

Mindfulness: observing your thoughts and emotions with no judgment; being present in the moment even when negative feelings come up.

It Builds Confidence.

The more you learn how to love yourself, the more confident a person you become. When you learn how to shut out that negative voice in your head, you start to see that you’re actually pretty wonderful. You were the whole time, of course, but sometimes it takes a significant mindshift to see it for yourself.

You Have to Love Yourself Before You Can Attract Someone Else’s Love.

Research shows that if you have self-doubts, you’re more likely to be dissatisfied with your relationship. You may be more insecure and questioning your partner’s every move, fearing that he will leave you. On the other hand, if you’ve learned to love yourself and gain self-confidence, you will be surer in your relationship.

17 Proven Strategies to Learn to Love Yourself

Put as much energy into loving yourself as you do others.

“Adam, I’ve always struggled to love myself. How is it possible that I can change this late in life?”

I understand that this may be a pattern you’ve carried with you your whole life — or since a string of bad relationships — but please understand that if you want to learn to love yourself, you can. The tips I’m about to give you aren’t complicated. You won’t need a therapist. You just need to work on it a little every day. Trust me.

1. Cut Yourself Some Slack

Are you hard on yourself? Do you often feel like you can’t live up to your own expectations? Ask yourself why you hold yourself (and probably no one else) up to such high standards. Who are you really trying to please? Maybe your parents, who always wanted you to thrive in school? Or a past partner who constantly criticized you?

Realize that you are the only person you need to please, and if you’re being hard on yourself, you need to lighten up.

Here’s an example. Maybe you push yourself so hard when you work out that you end up injuring yourself. You want to make a five-minute mile so you push, push, push…and then end up being unable to run at all after you tear a muscle.

Why is it important that you hit that goal? Is it even feasible? Instead, set more realistic goals. Maybe you slowly reduce your time goal by five seconds. This is achievable. Over time you may end up at that five-minute point, but you have to be compassionate enough with yourself (not to mention your body) to get there when you’re ready.

2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Everyone Else

In yoga class, you’re so busy looking at how flexible the woman next to you is that you fall over during crow pose. You’re constantly sad that your friends are paired up with great men and you’re still single. You feel like everything is a contest…that you most definitely are losing.

Here’s the thing — and it’s something you learned watching Sesame Street all those years ago — we are all different. You can’t compare yourself to anyone else because you’re not like anyone else!

The next time you realize you’re comparing yourself to anyone, stop, acknowledge what you’re doing, and let it go. Accept what you’re doing as the best you’re capable of.

3. Forgive Yourself

You’d forgive a friend, wouldn’t you? Why not forgive yourself?

In that example I gave about breaking a glass and getting mad at yourself, did that resonate? Do you criticize yourself and stay frustrated about something you did (or didn’t do)? If a relationship ends, do you blame yourself, even if the reason has nothing to do with you?

If you make a mistake, accept that mistakes happen. Breaking that glass (or a relationship ending) won’t ruin your life. But you may have an inner critic who starts berating you as soon as you make a mistake. How can you shut it off? Gently acknowledge the voice and turn the message into something more compassionate. For example:

Inner voice: I can’t believe you scared that guy off! It was too soon to sleep with him! Now you’re alone again!

Compassionate voice: The relationship ended because we weren’t right for each other. Nothing I could have done would have changed that.

4. Don’t Set Parameters for Your Love

If I could lose 10 pounds, I could learn to love myself…

When I find a boyfriend, I’ll feel better about myself…

If you find yourself setting parameters around what you need before you can learn how to love yourself, you never will.  You are constantly looking to indefinite ideas about the future and basing your own self-worth on them.

Instead, try the mindfulness practice of being in the moment. All you have is this moment right now; no past, no future. What can you love about yourself right now? Maybe you just finished a great workout and you’re feeling good. Maybe a man checked you out when you were crossing the street. Maybe your friend sent you a note to say she’s thinking of you. If you step back from your life and stop looking toward the way you think it should be, you’ll probably realize it’s pretty great.

5. Make Self-Care Part of Your Routine

Do you make a habit of doing things for your health and wellbeing, like getting massages, getting your nails done, or even just taking a long uninterrupted hot bath?  Many women don’t, especially if they have children (and being a single mom ain’t easy!). But self-care is so critical for all of us. It makes us healthier, emotionally balanced, and stress-free.

And just like on the plane when they tell you to put your air mask on before helping others, you need to nourish your own soul before trying to help anyone else.

6. Buy Yourself a Gift Now and Then

via GIPHY

You’re quick to buy a $30 candle for a friend’s birthday but would never dream of spending that money on yourself. Part of learning to love yourself is to put as much value on treating yourself as you do the people you care about.

You don’t have to spend $30 on a candle to treat yourself. How about a splurge on an afternoon maple latte, or a pedicure?

7. Treat Yourself the Way You Treat Your Friends

You’re known for being an amazing friend. You give your time and energy to the people in your social circle. So why can’t you do the same for yourself?

It’s kind of the opposite of the Golden Rule: treat yourself the way you treat others. Be kind. Be understanding. Be sympathetic.

8. Accept Your Faults (and Work on Them)

Here’s a secret: people who love themselves aren’t perfect. They’re just as flawed as you are. But they accept those flaws and try to improve upon them, and that’s what makes them different.

Do your faults seem like giant red blinking signs? Are they all you see about yourself? Step away from them and focus on all the amazing things about you. Sure, maybe you are quick to anger and you hate this, but you’re also quick to ask forgiveness from a friend you fight with. Maybe you come on strong with a guy you really like, but that’s because you’re so full of love.

Yes, you have faults. And you should work on improving them. But you will never be 100% fault-free, and that’s okay.

9. Stop the Negative Self Talk

Stop listening to the goblin in your head. He’s not real!

Ugg! You’re so stupid.

I can’t believe you did that.

Of course you screwed that up. What else?

If you feel like there’s a little goblin who lives in your head who constantly criticizes your every move, you’re not alone. Most people have one, though they all tune in or out to that voice to varying degrees. The key is not letting that goblin dictate how you feel about yourself and how you live your life.

It takes effort to mute that voice. When you hear it, talk back to it.

Yes, I made a mistake today. But it’s not the end of the world. Leave me alone, goblin!

It seems silly, but after a while, he’ll quiet down.

10. Don’t Get Stuck in the Past

It’s hard to not carry our pasts with us, especially in terms of past relationships. Maybe you were cheated on during your marriage. Maybe your ex-boyfriend always criticized you. It’s hard not to carry that baggage forward into future relationships.

But if you move forward expecting the same bad things to happen, you limit yourself and your happiness. If you expect that your next partner will cheat or emotionally abuse you, you’ll never relax and open up to the possibility of love.

What’s done is done. Let go of the past and look forward to a better future.

11. Know What You Need from Other People

When you haven’t learned to love yourself, you may let others dictate how you live. Here’s an example: maybe you don’t feel comfortable telling people no, so whenever a friend asks you to babysit her kid, you say yes…even though you don’t want to.

Or you let people walk all over you.

Until you define what you need from others, it’s difficult to get it. You need to establish your boundaries and be firm about them. Tell your friend you can’t babysit anymore. Life will go on, I promise!

12. Don’t Settle

Stop settling for less than what you really want!

I’ve worked with women who haven’t had a lot of self-confidence, and I’ve seen them settling in many ways in relationships. Maybe one moved across town into a house that was a 5-minute commute for her boyfriend…but an hour commute for her. Maybe another did all the housework even though she worked 60 hours a week, and her boyfriend had plenty of time to help out.

When you learn how to love yourself, you also learn not to settle. Your desires are just as important as anyone else’s, so find a way to get both of your needs met at least a little, instead of you doing all the sacrificing.

13. Find What’s Good in Your Life

It may be in your nature to focus on the negative, but I encourage you to find the silver lining. Even if you’re completely broke and your car is in the shop…you have time to catch up on your reading. Even if you’re single…you have plenty of time to spend with your friends.

There’s always something positive…you just have to find it.

14. Surround Yourself With Positive People

Have you ever stopped to look at the people you spend time with and wondered what it said about you? It turns out, the flaws we see in others, we often possess. If someone is angry all the time and that gets on your nerves, you might have your own anger issues. You don’t want to nurture those flaws, do you?

Surround yourself with people who have a positive outlook, who support you no matter what. Stay away from people with negative energy, because they’ll only bring you down.

15. Give the Love You Want to Get

Just like you should treat yourself the way you treat others, you should also give the love you want to receive. What do I mean?

If you’re constantly sad that you haven’t found love yet, look to see if you’re putting love out there. You can love friends, family, even pets. It’s like a boomerang. Throw it out there and it’ll come back.

16. Be Authentic, Not Someone Else

Be authentic! You do it better than anyone else.

You may look at a friend and think she’s got such a great life. Then you might try to emulate her. Dress like her. Act like her. Whatever. But the fact is: you’re not her. You’re you.  And even if right now you aren’t confident in who you are, over time, you will be. The key is being authentic and not trying on another persona.

Embrace who you are, both the good and the less good. We tend to see only the negative, while others see the positive. Think about the last person you dated. Maybe he was blown away by how smart and accomplished you were…but you didn’t feel special at all. Try to see yourself through others’ eyes and you won’t have any problem being yourself.

17. Learn from Your Mistakes

You will make mistakes in life, but if you do things right, you can learn from them so you never make them again. Rather than criticize yourself after making a mistake, ask yourself why you made it and how you can avoid it in the future.

Conclusion:

Don’t be overwhelmed with the idea that learning to love yourself might take years. Every day that you work on it, you’ll start to see more self-compassion and self-respect. You will begin to accept your flaws and eventually love yourself unconditionally.

And here’s the really amazing thing that happens once you learn how to love yourself: someone else will love you too. Once you have become 1000% okay with who you are and your place in the world, you will attract the most wonderful man you could ever have hoped to meet. Guaranteed.

Kickstart your journey to learning to love yourself with my book, Men Love Confident Women. You’ll build up your confidence before you know it!

  The post 17 Simple Ways to Learn to Love Yourself appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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[chocolate-brownies]

How 30 Days of Barre Transformed My Yoga Practice (Plus, 5 Moves Every Yogi Should Try)

How 30 Days of Barre Transformed My Yoga Practice (Plus, 5 Moves Every Yogi Should Try):

Fueled by visions of a strong and sculpted ballerina body, our writer signed up for 30 days of barre classes at The Bar Method in Soho, NYC. Here’s what she learned about her yoga practice.

A model performs exercises at The Bar Method.

As a yoga teacher, I’m expected to be energetic and motivated—all of the time. However, even the most dedicated yogi’s routine can become, well, routine. With little time for my own practice outside of teaching, I was feeling stuck, drained, and yes, bored. Fueled by visions of a strong and sculpted ballerina body, I decided it was time to belly up the bar(re) for a different type of happy hour: 30 days of classes at The Bar Method in Soho, NYC.

See also 6 Yoga-Inspired Barre3 Poses to Try

How Bar Method Works

According to Amy Duffey, the Soho studio owner who has been with Bar Method since its California beginnings over 16 years ago, students notice significant changes in muscle tone in less than 10 classes, specifically in common trouble spots like arms and abs. To achieve these goals, classes are taught in intervals that target and isolate small muscle groups. Each sequence utilizes precise movements with a small range of motion in order to “turn on and fire up” muscles. Classes are formatted with a cardio warm-up, shoulder/arm work with 2-5 lb. weights, tricep dips, Planks, exercises to target thighs and and sculpt a “dancer’s dent” (the defined indentation where the thighs meet the backside), ab exercises done on mats, and finally, “back dancing” to define quads and glutes. Active, rather than passive, stretches are done in between sets, allowing you to safely remain working within small muscle groups, which shapes, tones, strengthens, and elongates the body, creating a long, lean, supple silhouette. Think: flat abs, sculpted arms, lifted seat, improved posture, more flexibility, and increased body awareness. "You feel better at the end of the class, rather than decimated such as [after] other workouts,“ Duffey says.

See also 4 Yoga Warm-Ups for Barre Class

According to Duffey, attending at least 3-5 Bar Method classes per week creates the most effective (and quickest) results. Ever the overachiever, I committed to taking an hour-long class daily, even though this often meant a packed schedule between teaching and taking my mentor’s yoga class three days per week. But all my hard work was more than worth it. Here are 5 ways my 30-day Bar Method experience changed and complemented my yoga practice, and how you can use barre to enhance your practice, too.

5 Ways The Bar Method Transformed My Yoga Practice

1. I learned to be more patient.

Patience is key when learning anything new, including workouts. During the first few classes, I found myself becoming frustrated as I watched other students go through the movements quickly and with ease, while I was struggling to keep up with the movements and pace. However, after about three classes, the format and moves became more familiar; as I grew more relaxed, comfortable, and patient, I was able to learn the details of the movements, and each workout became more effective. 

The lesson: Learning to practice patience is helpful on (and off) the mat, especially when you find yourself challenged by a pose, situation, or circumstance.

2. I realized that less can be more.

In yoga, we are accustomed to creating and taking up as much openness and space as possible. Barre, however, is quite the opposite. In fact, the less space the better, especially when it comes to small, isolated actions. The smaller the movement, the harder the muscles have to work, to the point of fatigue. 

The lesson: This idea lends itself to yoga practice: Often, the second we start to overthink or try to do more, we find ourselves falling out of an asana or losing our alignment.

3. I became more present.

After many years of yoga, muscle memory makes it easy to flow through certain poses on autopilot. Barre classes forced me to think about each action, its alignment, and the specific details of each movement in a different way than I was accustomed. Focusing on isolated muscles made me aware of one group I clearly hadn’t been paying enough attention to (hello, glutes!). For one full hour, I had to concentrate on on the movements of my own body and be present in what was happening in the now. 

The lesson: While teaching, I am fully focused on each student and what they are experiencing in the moment. Barre classes helped me realize I need to incorporate this same concentrated pattern of presence in my own yoga practice, rather than automatically flowing through poses.

4. I appreciated the gift of change.

Humans are meant for new experiences. Even the smallest or most simple change can and typically does yield big results. By learning new movements and varying my workouts, I noticed a dramatic physical change—despite years of yoga—in my abs/core, glutes, and arms. Aside from the physical, the classes helped shift my thinking, boosted my creativity in sequencing, and reminded me of my interest in deepening my anatomy studies. 

The lesson: Variety is the spice of life!

5. I listened to my body.

While I often tell my students to listen to their bodies, when it comes to myself, I tend to ignore my own advice. I power through advanced classes, all types of workouts, and, as an empath, take on the energy and emotions of others while not prioritizing my own self-care. Committing to a schedule that meant taking a daily barre class, in addition to teaching and taking advanced yoga classes, left me physically and emotionally exhausted. In the final week of my self-imposed challenge, I did something unheard of for my dedicated, perfectionist nature and cancelled a barre class. It was the day after Valentine’s Day and after a late night out with a new-ish flame, I actually listened to my body and its inability to attend class. Even now, it’s hard for me admit that I "failed” the challenge. Instead of 30 straight days, it ended up as only 29 days. However, learning to accept my own limitations and prioritize my wellness was an important lesson. 

The lesson: The same applies to the yoga mat. Your body will tell you when a sensation is simply discomfort that you can push past, or an injurious pain or pose that is too much for your body at that time. It’s your job to listen to what your body is telling you and respect its wishes. Equally important, forgive yourself and reframe the negative as positive. For me, this was not beating myself up for the one missed class, but thanking my body for being healthy and strong enough to have accomplished 29 classes.

5 Barre Moves Every Yogi Should Try

About Our Writer

Crystal Fenton is a yoga teacher and freelance writer. She is passionate about yoga and sharing the practice with others, as well as a lover of the outdoors, ocean, coastal destinations, and dogs. 

[cedarrrun]

Fueled by visions of a strong and sculpted ballerina body, our writer signed up for 30 days of barre classes at The Bar Method in Soho, NYC. Here's what she learned about her yoga practice.

A model performs exercises at The Bar Method.

As a yoga teacher, I'm expected to be energetic and motivated—all of the time. However, even the most dedicated yogi's routine can become, well, routine. With little time for my own practice outside of teaching, I was feeling stuck, drained, and yes, bored. Fueled by visions of a strong and sculpted ballerina body, I decided it was time to belly up the bar(re) for a different type of happy hour: 30 days of classes at The Bar Method in Soho, NYC.

See also 6 Yoga-Inspired Barre3 Poses to Try

How Bar Method Works

According to Amy Duffey, the Soho studio owner who has been with Bar Method since its California beginnings over 16 years ago, students notice significant changes in muscle tone in less than 10 classes, specifically in common trouble spots like arms and abs. To achieve these goals, classes are taught in intervals that target and isolate small muscle groups. Each sequence utilizes precise movements with a small range of motion in order to "turn on and fire up" muscles. Classes are formatted with a cardio warm-up, shoulder/arm work with 2-5 lb. weights, tricep dips, Planks, exercises to target thighs and and sculpt a "dancer's dent" (the defined indentation where the thighs meet the backside), ab exercises done on mats, and finally, "back dancing" to define quads and glutes. Active, rather than passive, stretches are done in between sets, allowing you to safely remain working within small muscle groups, which shapes, tones, strengthens, and elongates the body, creating a long, lean, supple silhouette. Think: flat abs, sculpted arms, lifted seat, improved posture, more flexibility, and increased body awareness. "You feel better at the end of the class, rather than decimated such as [after] other workouts," Duffey says.

See also 4 Yoga Warm-Ups for Barre Class

According to Duffey, attending at least 3-5 Bar Method classes per week creates the most effective (and quickest) results. Ever the overachiever, I committed to taking an hour-long class daily, even though this often meant a packed schedule between teaching and taking my mentor's yoga class three days per week. But all my hard work was more than worth it. Here are 5 ways my 30-day Bar Method experience changed and complemented my yoga practice, and how you can use barre to enhance your practice, too.

5 Ways The Bar Method Transformed My Yoga Practice

1. I learned to be more patient.

Patience is key when learning anything new, including workouts. During the first few classes, I found myself becoming frustrated as I watched other students go through the movements quickly and with ease, while I was struggling to keep up with the movements and pace. However, after about three classes, the format and moves became more familiar; as I grew more relaxed, comfortable, and patient, I was able to learn the details of the movements, and each workout became more effective. 

The lesson: Learning to practice patience is helpful on (and off) the mat, especially when you find yourself challenged by a pose, situation, or circumstance.

2. I realized that less can be more.

In yoga, we are accustomed to creating and taking up as much openness and space as possible. Barre, however, is quite the opposite. In fact, the less space the better, especially when it comes to small, isolated actions. The smaller the movement, the harder the muscles have to work, to the point of fatigue. 

The lesson: This idea lends itself to yoga practice: Often, the second we start to overthink or try to do more, we find ourselves falling out of an asana or losing our alignment.

3. I became more present.

After many years of yoga, muscle memory makes it easy to flow through certain poses on autopilot. Barre classes forced me to think about each action, its alignment, and the specific details of each movement in a different way than I was accustomed. Focusing on isolated muscles made me aware of one group I clearly hadn't been paying enough attention to (hello, glutes!). For one full hour, I had to concentrate on on the movements of my own body and be present in what was happening in the now. 

The lesson: While teaching, I am fully focused on each student and what they are experiencing in the moment. Barre classes helped me realize I need to incorporate this same concentrated pattern of presence in my own yoga practice, rather than automatically flowing through poses.

4. I appreciated the gift of change.

Humans are meant for new experiences. Even the smallest or most simple change can and typically does yield big results. By learning new movements and varying my workouts, I noticed a dramatic physical change—despite years of yoga—in my abs/core, glutes, and arms. Aside from the physical, the classes helped shift my thinking, boosted my creativity in sequencing, and reminded me of my interest in deepening my anatomy studies. 

The lesson: Variety is the spice of life!

5. I listened to my body.

While I often tell my students to listen to their bodies, when it comes to myself, I tend to ignore my own advice. I power through advanced classes, all types of workouts, and, as an empath, take on the energy and emotions of others while not prioritizing my own self-care. Committing to a schedule that meant taking a daily barre class, in addition to teaching and taking advanced yoga classes, left me physically and emotionally exhausted. In the final week of my self-imposed challenge, I did something unheard of for my dedicated, perfectionist nature and cancelled a barre class. It was the day after Valentine's Day and after a late night out with a new-ish flame, I actually listened to my body and its inability to attend class. Even now, it's hard for me admit that I "failed" the challenge. Instead of 30 straight days, it ended up as only 29 days. However, learning to accept my own limitations and prioritize my wellness was an important lesson. 

The lesson: The same applies to the yoga mat. Your body will tell you when a sensation is simply discomfort that you can push past, or an injurious pain or pose that is too much for your body at that time. It's your job to listen to what your body is telling you and respect its wishes. Equally important, forgive yourself and reframe the negative as positive. For me, this was not beating myself up for the one missed class, but thanking my body for being healthy and strong enough to have accomplished 29 classes.

5 Barre Moves Every Yogi Should Try

About Our Writer

Crystal Fenton is a yoga teacher and freelance writer. She is passionate about yoga and sharing the practice with others, as well as a lover of the outdoors, ocean, coastal destinations, and dogs. 

[amyddaniels]

How 30 Days of Barre Transformed My Yoga Practice (Plus, 5 Moves Every Yogi Should Try)

Fueled by visions of a strong and sculpted ballerina body, our writer signed up for 30 days of barre classes at The Bar Method in Soho, NYC. Here's what she learned about her yoga practice.

A model performs exercises at The Bar Method.

As a yoga teacher, I'm expected to be energetic and motivated—all of the time. However, even the most dedicated yogi's routine can become, well, routine. With little time for my own practice outside of teaching, I was feeling stuck, drained, and yes, bored. Fueled by visions of a strong and sculpted ballerina body, I decided it was time to belly up the bar(re) for a different type of happy hour: 30 days of classes at The Bar Method in Soho, NYC.

See also 6 Yoga-Inspired Barre3 Poses to Try

How Bar Method Works

According to Amy Duffey, the Soho studio owner who has been with Bar Method since its California beginnings over 16 years ago, students notice significant changes in muscle tone in less than 10 classes, specifically in common trouble spots like arms and abs. To achieve these goals, classes are taught in intervals that target and isolate small muscle groups. Each sequence utilizes precise movements with a small range of motion in order to "turn on and fire up" muscles. Classes are formatted with a cardio warm-up, shoulder/arm work with 2-5 lb. weights, tricep dips, Planks, exercises to target thighs and and sculpt a "dancer's dent" (the defined indentation where the thighs meet the backside), ab exercises done on mats, and finally, "back dancing" to define quads and glutes. Active, rather than passive, stretches are done in between sets, allowing you to safely remain working within small muscle groups, which shapes, tones, strengthens, and elongates the body, creating a long, lean, supple silhouette. Think: flat abs, sculpted arms, lifted seat, improved posture, more flexibility, and increased body awareness. "You feel better at the end of the class, rather than decimated such as [after] other workouts," Duffey says.

See also 4 Yoga Warm-Ups for Barre Class

According to Duffey, attending at least 3-5 Bar Method classes per week creates the most effective (and quickest) results. Ever the overachiever, I committed to taking an hour-long class daily, even though this often meant a packed schedule between teaching and taking my mentor's yoga class three days per week. But all my hard work was more than worth it. Here are 5 ways my 30-day Bar Method experience changed and complemented my yoga practice, and how you can use barre to enhance your practice, too.

5 Ways The Bar Method Transformed My Yoga Practice

1. I learned to be more patient.

Patience is key when learning anything new, including workouts. During the first few classes, I found myself becoming frustrated as I watched other students go through the movements quickly and with ease, while I was struggling to keep up with the movements and pace. However, after about three classes, the format and moves became more familiar; as I grew more relaxed, comfortable, and patient, I was able to learn the details of the movements, and each workout became more effective. 

The lesson: Learning to practice patience is helpful on (and off) the mat, especially when you find yourself challenged by a pose, situation, or circumstance.

2. I realized that less can be more.

In yoga, we are accustomed to creating and taking up as much openness and space as possible. Barre, however, is quite the opposite. In fact, the less space the better, especially when it comes to small, isolated actions. The smaller the movement, the harder the muscles have to work, to the point of fatigue. 

The lesson: This idea lends itself to yoga practice: Often, the second we start to overthink or try to do more, we find ourselves falling out of an asana or losing our alignment.

3. I became more present.

After many years of yoga, muscle memory makes it easy to flow through certain poses on autopilot. Barre classes forced me to think about each action, its alignment, and the specific details of each movement in a different way than I was accustomed. Focusing on isolated muscles made me aware of one group I clearly hadn't been paying enough attention to (hello, glutes!). For one full hour, I had to concentrate on on the movements of my own body and be present in what was happening in the now. 

The lesson: While teaching, I am fully focused on each student and what they are experiencing in the moment. Barre classes helped me realize I need to incorporate this same concentrated pattern of presence in my own yoga practice, rather than automatically flowing through poses.

4. I appreciated the gift of change.

Humans are meant for new experiences. Even the smallest or most simple change can and typically does yield big results. By learning new movements and varying my workouts, I noticed a dramatic physical change—despite years of yoga—in my abs/core, glutes, and arms. Aside from the physical, the classes helped shift my thinking, boosted my creativity in sequencing, and reminded me of my interest in deepening my anatomy studies. 

The lesson: Variety is the spice of life!

5. I listened to my body.

While I often tell my students to listen to their bodies, when it comes to myself, I tend to ignore my own advice. I power through advanced classes, all types of workouts, and, as an empath, take on the energy and emotions of others while not prioritizing my own self-care. Committing to a schedule that meant taking a daily barre class, in addition to teaching and taking advanced yoga classes, left me physically and emotionally exhausted. In the final week of my self-imposed challenge, I did something unheard of for my dedicated, perfectionist nature and cancelled a barre class. It was the day after Valentine's Day and after a late night out with a new-ish flame, I actually listened to my body and its inability to attend class. Even now, it's hard for me admit that I "failed" the challenge. Instead of 30 straight days, it ended up as only 29 days. However, learning to accept my own limitations and prioritize my wellness was an important lesson. 

The lesson: The same applies to the yoga mat. Your body will tell you when a sensation is simply discomfort that you can push past, or an injurious pain or pose that is too much for your body at that time. It's your job to listen to what your body is telling you and respect its wishes. Equally important, forgive yourself and reframe the negative as positive. For me, this was not beating myself up for the one missed class, but thanking my body for being healthy and strong enough to have accomplished 29 classes.

5 Barre Moves Every Yogi Should Try

About Our Writer

Crystal Fenton is a yoga teacher and freelance writer. She is passionate about yoga and sharing the practice with others, as well as a lover of the outdoors, ocean, coastal destinations, and dogs. 

[remedialmassage]

How 30 Days of Barre Transformed My Yoga Practice (Plus, 5 Moves Every Yogi Should Try)

Fueled by visions of a strong and sculpted ballerina body, our writer signed up for 30 days of barre classes at The Bar Method in Soho, NYC. Here's what she learned about her yoga practice.

A model performs exercises at The Bar Method.

As a yoga teacher, I'm expected to be energetic and motivated—all of the time. However, even the most dedicated yogi's routine can become, well, routine. With little time for my own practice outside of teaching, I was feeling stuck, drained, and yes, bored. Fueled by visions of a strong and sculpted ballerina body, I decided it was time to belly up the bar(re) for a different type of happy hour: 30 days of classes at The Bar Method in Soho, NYC.

See also 6 Yoga-Inspired Barre3 Poses to Try

How Bar Method Works

According to Amy Duffey, the Soho studio owner who has been with Bar Method since its California beginnings over 16 years ago, students notice significant changes in muscle tone in less than 10 classes, specifically in common trouble spots like arms and abs. To achieve these goals, classes are taught in intervals that target and isolate small muscle groups. Each sequence utilizes precise movements with a small range of motion in order to "turn on and fire up" muscles. Classes are formatted with a cardio warm-up, shoulder/arm work with 2-5 lb. weights, tricep dips, Planks, exercises to target thighs and and sculpt a "dancer's dent" (the defined indentation where the thighs meet the backside), ab exercises done on mats, and finally, "back dancing" to define quads and glutes. Active, rather than passive, stretches are done in between sets, allowing you to safely remain working within small muscle groups, which shapes, tones, strengthens, and elongates the body, creating a long, lean, supple silhouette. Think: flat abs, sculpted arms, lifted seat, improved posture, more flexibility, and increased body awareness. "You feel better at the end of the class, rather than decimated such as [after] other workouts," Duffey says.

See also 4 Yoga Warm-Ups for Barre Class

According to Duffey, attending at least 3-5 Bar Method classes per week creates the most effective (and quickest) results. Ever the overachiever, I committed to taking an hour-long class daily, even though this often meant a packed schedule between teaching and taking my mentor's yoga class three days per week. But all my hard work was more than worth it. Here are 5 ways my 30-day Bar Method experience changed and complemented my yoga practice, and how you can use barre to enhance your practice, too.

5 Ways The Bar Method Transformed My Yoga Practice

1. I learned to be more patient.

Patience is key when learning anything new, including workouts. During the first few classes, I found myself becoming frustrated as I watched other students go through the movements quickly and with ease, while I was struggling to keep up with the movements and pace. However, after about three classes, the format and moves became more familiar; as I grew more relaxed, comfortable, and patient, I was able to learn the details of the movements, and each workout became more effective. 

The lesson: Learning to practice patience is helpful on (and off) the mat, especially when you find yourself challenged by a pose, situation, or circumstance.

2. I realized that less can be more.

In yoga, we are accustomed to creating and taking up as much openness and space as possible. Barre, however, is quite the opposite. In fact, the less space the better, especially when it comes to small, isolated actions. The smaller the movement, the harder the muscles have to work, to the point of fatigue. 

The lesson: This idea lends itself to yoga practice: Often, the second we start to overthink or try to do more, we find ourselves falling out of an asana or losing our alignment.

3. I became more present.

After many years of yoga, muscle memory makes it easy to flow through certain poses on autopilot. Barre classes forced me to think about each action, its alignment, and the specific details of each movement in a different way than I was accustomed. Focusing on isolated muscles made me aware of one group I clearly hadn't been paying enough attention to (hello, glutes!). For one full hour, I had to concentrate on on the movements of my own body and be present in what was happening in the now. 

The lesson: While teaching, I am fully focused on each student and what they are experiencing in the moment. Barre classes helped me realize I need to incorporate this same concentrated pattern of presence in my own yoga practice, rather than automatically flowing through poses.

4. I appreciated the gift of change.

Humans are meant for new experiences. Even the smallest or most simple change can and typically does yield big results. By learning new movements and varying my workouts, I noticed a dramatic physical change—despite years of yoga—in my abs/core, glutes, and arms. Aside from the physical, the classes helped shift my thinking, boosted my creativity in sequencing, and reminded me of my interest in deepening my anatomy studies. 

The lesson: Variety is the spice of life!

5. I listened to my body.

While I often tell my students to listen to their bodies, when it comes to myself, I tend to ignore my own advice. I power through advanced classes, all types of workouts, and, as an empath, take on the energy and emotions of others while not prioritizing my own self-care. Committing to a schedule that meant taking a daily barre class, in addition to teaching and taking advanced yoga classes, left me physically and emotionally exhausted. In the final week of my self-imposed challenge, I did something unheard of for my dedicated, perfectionist nature and cancelled a barre class. It was the day after Valentine's Day and after a late night out with a new-ish flame, I actually listened to my body and its inability to attend class. Even now, it's hard for me admit that I "failed" the challenge. Instead of 30 straight days, it ended up as only 29 days. However, learning to accept my own limitations and prioritize my wellness was an important lesson. 

The lesson: The same applies to the yoga mat. Your body will tell you when a sensation is simply discomfort that you can push past, or an injurious pain or pose that is too much for your body at that time. It's your job to listen to what your body is telling you and respect its wishes. Equally important, forgive yourself and reframe the negative as positive. For me, this was not beating myself up for the one missed class, but thanking my body for being healthy and strong enough to have accomplished 29 classes.

5 Barre Moves Every Yogi Should Try

About Our Writer

Crystal Fenton is a yoga teacher and freelance writer. She is passionate about yoga and sharing the practice with others, as well as a lover of the outdoors, ocean, coastal destinations, and dogs. 

from Yoga Journal https://ift.tt/2FzjYu9

[krisiunicornio]

Fueled by visions of a strong and sculpted ballerina body, our writer signed up for 30 days of barre classes at The Bar Method in Soho, NYC. Here's what she learned about her yoga practice.

A model performs exercises at The Bar Method.

As a yoga teacher, I'm expected to be energetic and motivated—all of the time. However, even the most dedicated yogi's routine can become, well, routine. With little time for my own practice outside of teaching, I was feeling stuck, drained, and yes, bored. Fueled by visions of a strong and sculpted ballerina body, I decided it was time to belly up the bar(re) for a different type of happy hour: 30 days of classes at The Bar Method in Soho, NYC.

See also 6 Yoga-Inspired Barre3 Poses to Try

How Bar Method Works

According to Amy Duffey, the Soho studio owner who has been with Bar Method since its California beginnings over 16 years ago, students notice significant changes in muscle tone in less than 10 classes, specifically in common trouble spots like arms and abs. To achieve these goals, classes are taught in intervals that target and isolate small muscle groups. Each sequence utilizes precise movements with a small range of motion in order to "turn on and fire up" muscles. Classes are formatted with a cardio warm-up, shoulder/arm work with 2-5 lb. weights, tricep dips, Planks, exercises to target thighs and and sculpt a "dancer's dent" (the defined indentation where the thighs meet the backside), ab exercises done on mats, and finally, "back dancing" to define quads and glutes. Active, rather than passive, stretches are done in between sets, allowing you to safely remain working within small muscle groups, which shapes, tones, strengthens, and elongates the body, creating a long, lean, supple silhouette. Think: flat abs, sculpted arms, lifted seat, improved posture, more flexibility, and increased body awareness. "You feel better at the end of the class, rather than decimated such as [after] other workouts," Duffey says.

See also 4 Yoga Warm-Ups for Barre Class

According to Duffey, attending at least 3-5 Bar Method classes per week creates the most effective (and quickest) results. Ever the overachiever, I committed to taking an hour-long class daily, even though this often meant a packed schedule between teaching and taking my mentor's yoga class three days per week. But all my hard work was more than worth it. Here are 5 ways my 30-day Bar Method experience changed and complemented my yoga practice, and how you can use barre to enhance your practice, too.

5 Ways The Bar Method Transformed My Yoga Practice

1. I learned to be more patient.

Patience is key when learning anything new, including workouts. During the first few classes, I found myself becoming frustrated as I watched other students go through the movements quickly and with ease, while I was struggling to keep up with the movements and pace. However, after about three classes, the format and moves became more familiar; as I grew more relaxed, comfortable, and patient, I was able to learn the details of the movements, and each workout became more effective. 

The lesson: Learning to practice patience is helpful on (and off) the mat, especially when you find yourself challenged by a pose, situation, or circumstance.

2. I realized that less can be more.

In yoga, we are accustomed to creating and taking up as much openness and space as possible. Barre, however, is quite the opposite. In fact, the less space the better, especially when it comes to small, isolated actions. The smaller the movement, the harder the muscles have to work, to the point of fatigue. 

The lesson: This idea lends itself to yoga practice: Often, the second we start to overthink or try to do more, we find ourselves falling out of an asana or losing our alignment.

3. I became more present.

After many years of yoga, muscle memory makes it easy to flow through certain poses on autopilot. Barre classes forced me to think about each action, its alignment, and the specific details of each movement in a different way than I was accustomed. Focusing on isolated muscles made me aware of one group I clearly hadn't been paying enough attention to (hello, glutes!). For one full hour, I had to concentrate on on the movements of my own body and be present in what was happening in the now. 

The lesson: While teaching, I am fully focused on each student and what they are experiencing in the moment. Barre classes helped me realize I need to incorporate this same concentrated pattern of presence in my own yoga practice, rather than automatically flowing through poses.

4. I appreciated the gift of change.

Humans are meant for new experiences. Even the smallest or most simple change can and typically does yield big results. By learning new movements and varying my workouts, I noticed a dramatic physical change—despite years of yoga—in my abs/core, glutes, and arms. Aside from the physical, the classes helped shift my thinking, boosted my creativity in sequencing, and reminded me of my interest in deepening my anatomy studies. 

The lesson: Variety is the spice of life!

5. I listened to my body.

While I often tell my students to listen to their bodies, when it comes to myself, I tend to ignore my own advice. I power through advanced classes, all types of workouts, and, as an empath, take on the energy and emotions of others while not prioritizing my own self-care. Committing to a schedule that meant taking a daily barre class, in addition to teaching and taking advanced yoga classes, left me physically and emotionally exhausted. In the final week of my self-imposed challenge, I did something unheard of for my dedicated, perfectionist nature and cancelled a barre class. It was the day after Valentine's Day and after a late night out with a new-ish flame, I actually listened to my body and its inability to attend class. Even now, it's hard for me admit that I "failed" the challenge. Instead of 30 straight days, it ended up as only 29 days. However, learning to accept my own limitations and prioritize my wellness was an important lesson. 

The lesson: The same applies to the yoga mat. Your body will tell you when a sensation is simply discomfort that you can push past, or an injurious pain or pose that is too much for your body at that time. It's your job to listen to what your body is telling you and respect its wishes. Equally important, forgive yourself and reframe the negative as positive. For me, this was not beating myself up for the one missed class, but thanking my body for being healthy and strong enough to have accomplished 29 classes.

5 Barre Moves Every Yogi Should Try

About Our Writer

Crystal Fenton is a yoga teacher and freelance writer. She is passionate about yoga and sharing the practice with others, as well as a lover of the outdoors, ocean, coastal destinations, and dogs. 

[sarahburness]

Soften into Life and You Will be Strong

“It’s the hard things that break; soft things don’t break…You can waste so many years of your life trying to become something hard in order not to break; but it’s the soft things that can’t break! The hard things are the ones that shatter into a million pieces!” ~C Joybell C

Language is a powerful thing. Though often dismissed as “semantics,” the imagery our words and terminology impart often adds unintended or even misguided connotations onto what we intend to say.

This is why it is so difficult to speak about spirituality. When we say “God” or “salvation” or even “peace,” those words can bear an unintended doctrinal, political, or social stamp on them that means something very different to the listener than it does to the speaker.

A prime example of this is the “hardness” imagery that is woven into many words intended to be positive, such as “strong” or “tough.” We want to be “strong” and “tough,” to be able to handle all of life’s trials and tribulations without cracking.

However, these words often morph into an image of hardness. When we are strong, we hunker down, grit out teeth, and bear it. When we are tough, we “power through” the bad times.

The short-term result is often satisfying. The hard person bounces back quickly from a failed marriage or an illness or losing a long-term job. The trouble, however, is often found beneath the surface and in the long-term. What happens when someone spends a lifetime hunkering down and powering though?

To use a cliché, the tree that doesn’t bend, breaks. A hard tree can endure a lot, but when a strong wind blows, it cracks and falls over. Let’s look at a bunch of images to see this more clearly.

Brené Brown talks of armor. We put on armor to avoid the hurt. That used to be a way of life for me.

I once knew someone who had endured a lot of trauma as a child, having been abused and betrayed by people to whom he was vulnerable.

His survival mechanism developed through these experiences was to not go too deep with people, to hold his cards close to the vest and not open up. This was easier, he explained, because when you were done with someone, you could just move on easily without feeling the hurt.

What followed in his wake were broken relationships and broken people, who he was able to step past.

But what does it mean when you don’t let people in and open yourself up to them? You avoid the hurt, but you also miss the intimacy, the connection, and the depth of an open, honest relationship.

Indeed, how can you even really be in love with someone if you erect an emotional barrier in the way? You can’t.

As Brené Brown explains, you can cut off feelings—the good and the bad—but you can’t isolate and block out specific types of feelings.

In order to feel joy and intimacy, you need to allow yourself the vulnerability that will also inevitably lead at times to pain.

In order to love, you have to deal with the eventual certainty of loss. Otherwise, you’re just kind of numb. You’re not really there.

People need connection. What happens to someone who moves through life while keeping everyone at arm’s length? What happens to people who don’t show themselves for who they are? I should know—I often avoided authenticity and vulnerability in order to protect myself.

I was an alpha male. Having grown up in a household where I was set upon by my parents, I learned not to be vulnerable. I became a go-getter—determined, accomplished, and always putting on a strong front, strutting around to ward off those who would hurt me.

What this meant, though, is that I struggled to find that one person with whom I could be completely honest, and when I did, I put all my eggs in that basket. Hence, when my relationship ended, I was destroyed.

The more you hurt, the more you fear. The more you fear, the thicker the armor you wear. The thicker your armor, the more it weighs you down. When my armor finally cracked and fell off, it led to a complete breakdown. It was during the recovery from that breakdown that I learned what real strength was.

I had been determined. I fixed my sights on goals, typically those that would bring me recognition, and I achieved them.  These goals conformed with what is commonly viewed as “success”—wealth, influence, and renown. So, I doggedly stuck to the path, my eyes always forward instead of looking around me. I was tough.

Life is a long road with many forks. My eyes on the prize, I was unwavering and kept going left. Unfortunately, life was telling me in so many ways to go right.

I lived in a city that didn’t at all conform with what I valued. I stayed in a relationship that exhibited many warning signs. I had a high-powered, well-compensated job that drained all of my time and energy. I was literally sick—in the hospital multiple times each year when I had almost never been in one before that.

When the pain became too much, I fell apart, and at that point, I had no choice but to go right.

In that moment, all my hardness couldn’t see me through. And that’s what suffering is: it’s the great teacher that tells keeps telling you where to go, and the more you try to power through, the more painful and prolonged it will be. Then you soften up and go right, and everything changes.

Not surprisingly, nature inspired me with the most fitting, if obscure, image: a salt marsh.

Salt marshes are a natural habitat along coastlines. During storms, salt marshes absorb the force of large waves, which travel into the marshes, lose momentum, and dissipate. If they even hit the shore, the waves retai a fraction of their former strength, and the coast is thus protected. Sand dunes serve a similar function.

Over time, people have degraded and destroyed these fragile habitats, making storms even more dangerous and destructive.

To protect harbors, people have built sea walls made of stone. These walls appear strong, but over time sea walls crumble with the force of being slammed by powerful waves or can even cause more destruction when waves ricocheting off of them create violent chop in the water.

When you are a sea wall, you smack the waves away. The waves hit other people and objects and smack you back. Your resistance creates wake, which damages others and eventually, after a long time, causes you to collapse.

Instead, be a salt marsh. Absorb the waves and let them pass through you. Accept them. You will be hit with enormous force, but you will not lend that force any more energy. If left unpolluted and unspoiled, salt marshes will survive forever.

Underneath the hard armor that weighs you down, you’re soft. When you are a salt marsh, your softness absorbs the waves. The hard sea wall smacks them away. A flexible tree bends with the storm, while the hard one doesn’t waver—until it breaks.

Somehow this image works for so many of spirituality’s life lessons. Let hurt soften you; don’t let it harden you. Let that time someone hurt you open your heart up to compassion for all of those who are hurting. Let it be a reminder in the moment to be more forgiving.

When an experience is difficult, you can fight with it. But if you surrender to it, let down your walls, and be open to the experience, and you will grow from the pain. Give up the hard walls and soften yourself up to what comes your way.

When floating down the river of life, you’re totally right to swim in the direction you’d like to go. But paddle too hard against the current, and you’ll drown. Try going soft and floating, seeing where the river will take you—it’s not like you have that much of a choice anyway!

Bravely learn to relax with life and see what happens, and you will make decisions with more wisdom and take actions with more power than if you were fighting.

As Pema Chödrön says, “stop protecting your soft spot…stop armoring your heart.” Likewise, “wretchedness humbles us and softens us…Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us.”

Maybe it’s something like a rule: when you’re in a moment in which your instincts are telling you to be hard, before you act at least take a moment to consider what being soft would look like. What would the soft option be, what could result, and who might you become?

As a hard alpha-male, I made it far in life. By age thirty, I had been in meetings in the West Wing of the White House, worked with Fortune 500 Company CEOs, been to more than fifty countries, and made lots of money. But that year, I also fell apart, and it took a few years to put myself back together again.

Now, I’m a struggling entrepreneur. I gave up the suits and the flights and the tough talk. However, though I’ve been through a lot since the big change, I walked—not powered—through it with so much more clarity and even strength than before. I went soft.

Contemplate softness.

About Joshua Kauffman

Joshua Kauffman is a recovering over-achiever and workaholic. Leaving behind a high-powered life in business, he has become a world traveler, aspiring coach, and entrepreneur of pretty things. Amateur author of a recent memoir Footprints Through The Desert, he is trying to find ways to share his awakening experience, particularly to those lost in the rat race like he was.

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