#and even in dreams the hurt of leaving somebody behind knowing that even if they live you'll never see them ever again is. powerful

[birchbow]

Might’ve missed this in my first read through, but I remembered gamzee’s narration mentioning that goatdad died some time before gamzee was conscripted, but do we know what happened to crabdad? Sorry if you’ve answered this question before!

I've been working on the assumption that if your lusus is still around by conscription time, you're expected to leave them on-planet unless they're like, very small and docile OR useful as some kind of war-mount/weapon. Tavros could get away with bringing a tiny little fairybull with him if he wanted, and I could imagine Nepeta and Equius even managing to bring Pounce and Arthour with them, but cramped quarters and dangerous, austere lifestyles would make it pretty hard to keep your lusus with you and alive.

Essentially I don't know if Crabdad is dead, but even if he's not he's presumably running wild and/or creeping back to the caverns to see if he can find another little mutant grub to take care of.

[pbnbucks]

enemies to lovers Caitlin Clark fic?

word count : 1.4k

warnings : iowa caitlin, cussing, harassment?

summary : you worked for iowa wbb for 3 years as their photographer and you and caitlin have hated each other since you crossed paths when you accidentally spilt coffee on her and one night she ends up in your bed after a late night out.

song : Don’t Fall In Love With Me by Khalid || play dat shit !

your walking through the courtyard when you feel somebody’s finger tap your shoulder gaining your full divided attention when you turn around to see who it was your mood drops.

“even though i dont like you kate asked me to invite you to the bar with the team tonight.” caitlin says trying to throw as much shade she can keeping her evil promise that was to always hold her grudge against you.

you and caitlin’s freshman year you two met on the way to the girls basketball practice to take pictures like your boss told you to.

when you tried to open the door caitlin was trying to leave causing your non fresh cold batch of black coffee that you were holding on to all day to spill all over caitlins practice jersey.

“you sure its just kate who wants me to come clark?” you tease already preparing your shady conversation.

“It’s funny, isn’t it? How we always end up, in the same place, at the same time.” she retorts trying to regain your attention as you tried to make your exit.

“It’s not funny, I know you’ve been stalking me. That’s how we always end up together.” you say giving her a cold shoulder as she blocks your failed exit from the conversation once again.

“Stalking? You? in your dreams.” she scoffs finally moving out the way turning her body watching your back as you walk away from her.

you walk through the glass doors entering the bar seeing the group of girls next to other groups of drunken horny college kids in all different areas of the bar.

you grab a spot next to kate and hannah the girls you were closest to on the team showering you in hugs as soon as you sit down.

caitlins gaze remained on you sending glares the second you maintained eye contact with her. her purposeful ways trying to get on your nerves failing as you refused to make a scene in front of the others.

a group of non sober college individuals walked by when one of them dropped there glass cup of beer on your arm as it made a tiny cut around your elbow.

the noise of the glass bear gains the teams attention as they all rush to see if your okay as kate grabs you pulling you up off the couch to get you away from the broken glass that surrounded the table.

“are you okay?” sydney asked you with worry in her voice as you brush her off to head to the family bathroom. you lock the door behind you grabbing paper towels to dry the small patch of blood.

your interrupted by the sound of loud hard knocks on the wooden bathroom door. you unlock it holding it shut for a second to regain consciousness when you unlock it to see caitlin standing there pushing herself in through the door.

“Come here, let me see the cut.” she states giving you no time to ask her, her needs to be there. you keep your distance shooing her off turning back to face the mirror continuing to clean the paper cut.

“No its not that big of a deal.” only for caitlin to snatch your arm “let. me. see.” she says looking closely at the minor injury studying the small cut intently.

“ill be right back” she says carefully freeing your arm from her grasp as she leaves keeping her promise to be quick as she returns with a pack of alcohol wipes.

“hold still. this might sting a little.” she coos grabbing your arm again this time much more careful, preparing the wipe running it along the cut as the feeling of the short amount of pain fades away.

“now be careful, you don’t want to hurt your good hand” she says referring to your photography hand. her words never failing to confuse you as she has never behaved like this before.

“Since when did you ever care about me?” you respond catching her off guard receiving a dirty look from her as she rolls her eyes at your question.

“are you seriously going to do this right now?” she says standing in front of your face now as she focuses her anger and compassion on you making you roll her eyes at her comment.

“because you never act like this, since when did you begin to care all of a sudden.” backing up your statement trying to prove your point to the brunette.

“Since fucking forever, you fucking idiot!” she says throwing off your ego and pride as her whole energy was off this night letting her passive side show.

“your drunk caitlin, you don’t know what your saying.” you saying refusing to believe her recent statement shoving her only to make her stumble back a few steps as she was much stronger then you.

“…This is why I knew I shouldn’t have gotten close to you.” she says cornering you between the wall as shes inching towards your face intimidating you by the second.

“What part of ‘I want you, and only you’ do you not understand?” she breaks silence yet again as her eyes begin to visibly get watery but she refuses to loose eye contact with you.

“i bet you say that to every girl you pick up clark.” you ignore her desperate pleas for you to get her point across.

“Shut up before I-” you cut her off making sure your shouts are louder then hers topping hers not accepting defeat in the arguement.

“Before you what, huh? say it. Let me see if you can finish that sent-” your cut off by her coaxing your lips with hers startling you before you ease into the kiss.

you taste the alcohol on her tongue as her lips mix between yours. you both sit there for a second taking in each others presence before breaking the kiss.

“let me take you to your dorm” caitlin begs as her hands rest on your cheeks sneaking her arm around to your back pocket grabbing your keys from you.

“im driving, you cant so technically im taking you to my dorm” you say snatching the keys back from her hands. as you leave the bathroom after being there for at least 20 minutes catching some peoples eyes.

you and caitlin both get in the car with tensions still running high as she carefully places her hand on your thigh keeping her eyes on you studying your reaction.

your face grows red as a tiny smile forms on your face as you switch your eyes between her and the road.

“did you mean everything you said tonight” you said throwing yourself down on your already messy bed that cradled you in the tiring mornings.

“of course i did and you know that” she reply’s mad you would ask her a question like that as she has always adored you and made her weird ways trying to show it.

“alright im going to head back to my dorm” she said as she took your silence as a response turning around only for you to jump back on to your feet stopping her from exiting.

“no.” you plea as your body snaps up as your see her trying to walk away almost making you jump out of your skin from the sight.

“what do you mean no?” her voice almost silent regretting her comment instantly as she was worried you would change your mind.

“i want you to spend the night….” you say being returned with sharp awkward silence as a look of worry plastered across her face.

“in my bed with me.” you continue trying to reason to her why its a good idea as you pull the covers over you waiting for her to lay next to you.

“what, am i not allowed to look at you?” she coaxed as you got on her for stealing glances at you as you slept peacefully making her smile at the silly comment.

“i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile clark.” now resting on your side to return the stares as your eyes where fixated on her plump lips and her euphoric smile.

“this sounds like you’re flirting with me.” she smirks teasing you before passionately throwing herself on your stomach placing kisses along your tender collarbone.

“...i have been trying to do that for three years now.” you playfully hit her thigh before taking her beauty in giving her another kiss except this time was different from last nights, it was long and meaningful.

[undiscovered-horizon]

Rainy Season - Morpheus x Reader

[Spoilers for Brief Lives I guess?]

[MASTERLIST] | [Sandman-inspired playlist]

SUMMARY: Fed up with Dream's stubborn and at times childish attitude, you leave Dreaming. But when Morpheus's sorrow makes itself known, Matthew has to fetch you before the kingdom completely floods.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 1.7k

It’s a tumultuous morning in the Dreaming. Even if none of the dreams and nightmares are privy to the ongoing feud, they know something is wrong. It’s as though the air in the kingdom, the marrow of their bones, turned bitter last night. Their skin is crawling but the sun is shining as it did yesterday. They birds chirp the same song they had throughout centuries. And yet, against their better judgment, something is terribly out of place.

To be honest, you don’t even remember how all of this started but the damage is already done.

A frustrated scream ripples through your chest, "The world doesn't revolve around you!" You're fuming. There's only so much patience one person can hold and recently, Morpheus had proven himself exceptional at trying to reach its limit until he, unfortunately, succeeded today. "For someone who's supposed to know every thought ever entertained, you sure can not look past the tip of your own nose."

His eyes, cold and hurt, stare at you in utter confusion. Dark eyebrows furrow. "I do not know what you're expecting of me,” he states in an angry voice. It appears that he really does not understand the reason for your outrage. "I am not human, I am unable to look at the world as you do."

Of course he says that, you think to yourself. It seems to be his favorite line of defense. Dream of the Endless is a strange, eldritch creature. He doesn’t comprehend the world like a mortal does and, or some reason, he treats this fact of nature as an excuse not to try. At first, you thought it charming - to see the universe through the eyes of a creature you can barely begin to understand. Who wouldn’t? The strange wonder of the man in front of you made you seek his company again and again. Truthfully, there’s something poetic about it: the reason you’ve come back to him so many times might be the very reason you bid him farewell. For good.

"Good news, then: you don't need a cardiovascular system to exercise empathy.” Your sarcastic tone has an effect on Morpheus. He frowns, hurt by your words, only to grow angry that he’s so affected. Dream’s pride makes him want to not be influenced by your bitterness. Alas, he cares more than he’s willing to admit. "Not everything is about you, Morpheus, and until you realize that, I don't think we've got more to talk about. Goodbye."

Even after you shut the door behind you, the word echoes through the castle. The stone walls seem to whisper it back to Morpheus, rubbing the salt in his wound. How strange it is - to be haunted by somebody still alive. To be the king of dreams and feel hopeless. It would be funny if it didn’t make him want to be unmade.

A thunder rolls. A blue lightning splits the sky in two. Despite the lovely weather in the morning, it starts to rain in the Dreaming.

The storm doesn’t stop after a few hours nor does it cease after a few days. Black clouds cover the sky as they did four days ago. The only change is in the water level: the kingdom is flooded. When everyone thought the rain is bound to stop soon, no one minded much the rising tide. However, when the situation only worsened with no evidence that it’s going to improve in the near future, worried voices started to reach Lucienne. If the storm doesn’t cease in the next day or two, some parts of the Dreaming will share the fate of Atlantis.

If Morpheus knew he was being observed, he didn’t show it. Perhaps he doesn’t feel up for another confrontation. In any event, he remains still, standing against the balcony reiling, as his friends begin plotting:

"How is he?" Matthew whispers to Lucienne. "Has he moved from there at all? Ate something? Said anything?"

"That's three 'no's, I'm afraid,” she answers slowly. The librarian lets out a heavy sigh. "He's just dramatically standing there, wallowing in pity."

Dream really is 'just standing there’. Drenched. His hair and clothes are stuck to his pasty skin. It can’t be comfortable but it would appear that matters other than cosiness are on his mind at the moment. For the past few days, ever since you left, he hasn’t moved even a quarter of an inch. Truthfully, he looks about as alive as a marble statue, if monuments could appear excruciatingly miserable.

"Should we do something?" The raven continues. What he really wants to ask is 'What should we do?’ but Lucienne seems to catch the undertone of his words nonetheless.

"You could ask her to come back but no guarantee she'll want to,” she thinks out loud. "They've fought before but this time she looked really defeated."

Morpheus, although doesn’t need to breathe, sighs loudly. As he exhales, another lightning tears the sky apart.

"Alright, I'll try to convince her to talk to him again,” Matthew states. His worried voice makes him sound determined to have the two of you reconcile. "Hopefully, we'll be back before you need a canoe."

Lucienne doesn’t respond. As much as she doesn’t want to admit to her pessimism, she knows better than to have much hope in the matter of Dream’s love life.

Repetitive tapping on the window diverts your attention from the dishes you were washing. Seeing the black bird sitting on the outside windowsill, you quickly wipe your hands against the dishrag and jog to open the window.

"Matthew?" you ask in surprise.

He wastes no time pleading his case in a plaintive tone. "You gotta go back to him. Everything's gone to shit."

You furrow your eyebrows. Leaning against the wall, you cross your arms on your chest. "What do you mean?"

The raven hops closer to you. "It's been pouring nonstop since you left. He's just standing there, soaking wet and he won't talk to anyone."

It might sound sadistic but it’s a nice thought that he’s grieving your departure so severely. For what it’s worth, it means he’s not as blase as he likes to appear. Perhaps, Morpheus cares about you more than you’re even aware of.

"How bad is it?" you ask warily.

"How bad?!" Matthew screeches. "The House of Mysteries is so flooded, Abel is fishing."

It sounds like 'bad' is nothing more than an elegant euphemism. In his heartache, Morpheus is willing to let Dreaming decay and fall into partial ruin. If your accusation had been correct and Dream of the Endless truly is unable to care about anyone but himself, such a disaster would never have happened. A selfish ruler wouldn’t let his realm turn to rubble because of a broken heart. And if you’re more important than what he calls home, then…

"I'm assuming that's not a usual feature,” you give the raven a half-hearted response. The thoughts inside your head are in a painful turmoil, trying to lift the truth out of the indications.

"Yeah," he answers sarcastically.

Matthew glares at you in anticipation. Perplexed, you rub your arm without thinking much about it. Right, it's the mature and responsible thing to do but at the same time, why do you have to be the one to cave in every time you two fall out? If Morpheus cares for you as much as his dramatic show of pain and grief would suggest, shouldn’t it be him travelling across world and realms to reach you?

The raven cocks his head. Something about the look in his eyes changes as though his frustration has faded away or grown into desperation if not powerlessness. He’s tired and out of options.

"Alright, let's go," you say with a sigh. "But no promises. I still have pride and self-respect and he's still a stubborn..." you take a deep breath, "nevermind. Let's just go."

Miserable.

That's the only word that comes to your mind as you stare at him from afar. One would think that an entity of his sort can not be or look miserable but maybe this world is even stranger than you've thought. His clothes are drenched to the point of being see-through. Dark, once-tussled hair is now stuck to his face and neck. Dream's body looks even more stringy as his head is hanging low between his shoulders.

The rain is almost deafening. Your cautious, hesitant footsteps shouldn't be audible and yet Morpheus turns around to look at you when you come closer.

"I didn't think you'd come back," he says in a low, groggy voice. Dream's eyes, once blue and cold, are now red and unsettlingly vacant. Has he been crying? "What do you want?"

You take a deep breath. It was vain to expect him to welcome you with open arms. An eldritch being with a bruised ego and a broken heart could never make for a hospitable host. Even to those whom he misses the most.

"I still stand by what I said, it's just..." you hang your voice for a moment to find the proper words. Seeing him so broken by your fight makes some part of you want to renounce everything that lead to your argument. Anything just for him to be alright again. But the more reasonable side of you knows that such an action would only hurt both of you in the long run. "I admit, I could have said it in a more civilized way. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that harshness."

His gaze falls and Morpheus looks away for a moment.

Whether he's doing it consciously or not, the rainstorm ceases. Black clouds slowly drift away to uncover a clear, blue sky. Somewhere in the West, if there are cardinal directions in Dreaming, the sun is beginning to set. Despite the significant improvement, the air remains cold. A harsh wind nips at your drenched form. In a vain attempt to shield yourself from the discomfort of the weather, you put your arms around your torso. Still, your body trembles.

"Perhaps I should have put more effort into understanding your concern. I'm..." he turns silent for a second. His lips are apart but no sound is coming out of his mouth. Dream's hurt gaze meets yours. "Sorry," he whispers finally. Despite his voice being hardly audible, the weight of his confession is almost deafening.

"There's one more thing, Morpheus."

Those sad blue eyes stare at you in anticipation. The misery on his face makes you think that he's expecting to have his heart broken again, instead of mended.

A couple of grey clouds reappear above your heads. Oh no.

"I'm tired of always being the one to reach out," you confess. His gaze is too intense and you quickly look away from him. There's much on his mind. "No matter who's right or wrong, it's me who bridges the gap between us. Even if that angers me, I still do it. Every time. And I don't know what that says about me."

Your body trembles again but this time it doesn't go unnoticed by Morpheus. He, quite literally, pulls a coat out of thin air. Dream's movements are almost fearful as he cautiously places the garment around your shoulders.

"Perhaps in certain aspects, you are better than me," he answers quietly while fixing the coat to fit you better.

You know you're pushing your luck when you look at him again and ask a not-so-innocent question:

"You mean a 'better person'?"

"I'm not-" He bites his tongue just in time. Morpheus is not a person. Both of you are perfectly aware of it. But it was the mention of this very fact that had brought such disastrous rain to Dreaming. "Yes. A better person."

There's not much conviction in his words but there is, however, a silent promise to find it.

______

Now that I’m in mourning, I thought it fitting to finish reading "Brief Lives" and the bittersweetness of it felt all the more pronounced. Reading it prompted me to rewatch the show and long story short I’m kind of back in my Sandman feels.

[beanghostprincess]

We make a lot of fun of Buggy but, honestly, I would be fucking angry at the world all the time too. Imagine growing up as your best friend's shadow, always being seen as the weak and the clown because of course, Shanks is the legacy. He's the strongest. He's the one to wear the straw hat. And you accept that and give up on your dream for him. To follow him because at least that way you'll be able to achieve your dreams, even if you can't call it yours, but his. You give up on your dream and decide to go for an easier path instead, maps and treasure and money and everything a pirate ought to be, but he fucking ruins it. And it's not even his fault, but he's the one to make it happen. Nobody takes you seriously because saying "He made me eat a devil fruit and lost my map" doesn't sound as awful as "He made me lose my independence as a pirate and only way to follow a path of my own and now the sea I love so much hates my guts". And then your father captain dies in front of your god-damned eyes, leaving the youngest generation to continue his legacy. You think "Oh, well, at least Shanks is here. He'll keep the memory of our captain alive", but he hesitates. He shakes under the thought of the future. Falters for a moment. Somebody you —everyone— considers stronger, rougher, smarter and way better as a legacy than you, doubts himself. After so many years of you trusting him despite everything else. After so many years of everyone else trusting him, leaving you behind. So of course it fucking hurts and of course Buggy is rightfully mad. And of course he refuses to go with somebody that doesn't take this as seriously as him. Somebody that made the sea hate him and also hesitates after so many people trusted him doesn't deserve Buggy's love respect. And so Buggy goes away. And now nobody takes him seriously when talking about his past because he has become the clown everyone thought he was. They don't understand how somebody like him shared a room with somebody like Shanks. They don't understand how somebody like him was raised by the king of the pirates himself. But what they'll never know is that Shanks was the one who hesitated. And they'll never know Buggy was the one leaving his dream behind.

So I think Buggy is rightfully angry at everything and everyone and especially Shanks, even if he hasn't actually done anything. Buggy's anger and resentment is one of the things I'll always defend.

[hotchfiles]

Hello! 15 and/or 17 from prompt list + Isaac please 🥺

send me one of my boys + a prompt

isaac + reader ⋆ finding someone flirting with your crush, but all they have is eyes for you, and on you + almost kissing. but somebody walks in. "HOLY FUCK, ABOUT TIME THIS HAPPENS! I'M SO SORRY, PLEASE CONTINUE—"

parties are fun. everyone loves parties. every high schooler loves a good fucking party. you get to drink, maybe even get a little high if you know the right people. listen to good music, dance with your friends. always a good time.

well not for you.

for you it meant drinking, yes, which meant a goddamn headache the next day, dancing, having fun, yes, all of that, and on top of that, it meant watching the boy of your dreams being, for lack of a better word, chased around, by girls your age. and younger. and older. sometimes it was amusing, you could see the panic in his eyes. sometimes the girl was so gorgeous you couldn't help but look away, go somewhere else. get some fresh air, so you wouldn't have to watch anything hurtful.

you were in lov—interested in isaac for... a while, ever since he officially joined the pack, you've been playing it cool, maintaining his glance when he looked at you for a few seconds before turning away so it wouldn't be obvious, making your best not to smell his beautiful curly hair every time he hugged you... but you were only human, and he wasn't. you couldn't always control your heartbeat, so you were sure he knew it. he had to. he just wasn't interested. hurtful, but you'd live. eventually.

by 1am you're more than tipsy, and apparently so is the stunningly beautiful girl who very much on purpose tripped in front of isaac, forcing him to hold her by the waist so she wouldn't fall face first. she's charming thanking him, flirty, you know the routine by now, it's time to turn around and get some air, and you would have if stiles didn't appear out of nowhere in front of you talking about one hundred words per second. he really shouldn't drink.

while stiles asks you if his clothes are okay, if there's too much gel in his hair, if he smells nice and if he's annoying (right now he is) because every girl he tried to flirt with ignored him, you were—ignoring him. because you were forced to stay and you couldn't not look at isaac.

and his piercing blue eyes were looking right back at you, it didn't matter how many times the beautiful girl touched his arms, or laughed at him, his eyes were still on you. you selfishly wonder if the girl was just too much of a bore or... if he did that when you weren't looking, like you did when he wasn't looking. the thought makes your heart beat twice as fast, your cheeks flush and isaac notices it, obviously, smirking at you in a mischievous way you had never seen before.

that literally took your breath away, you had to leave. you finished your drink in one mouthful, handing your red cup to the still talking boy in front of you, "sure stiles, you're totally right." he looks confused, but you don't care. you turn in a rush to find the nearest unlocked door.

a room. not a good decision for whoever this house belonged to (you had no idea anymore), but you were so glad. you closed the door behind you in a swift motion and immediately start pacing around, your hands going to your face, through your hair and to your face again as you tried to take a deep breath but could only achieve a few not so deep ones.

"we don't have the money to pay for new floors if you drill a hole on these, gorgeous." your feet freeze on the spot as you hear his voice, sweet, humorous, flirty? you didn't even need to look at him to know he had that grin stamped on his lips.

"isa... what're you doing here?" your lips might as well be gone by how much you're nibbling on them, your hands gripping so hard on your own waist your nails might cut flash any time soon.

"chasing after you, obviously." god, could he not be so straight to the point for once? you nod your head countless times after he shrugs that reply out at you.

"sure... sure sure sure sure... why?" and he's grinning again, getting closer to you.

"well, this is the first time it actually looked like you wanted me and not to die." you keep nodding, and you feel like you're sweating more than normal, "so we're gonna make out, and hopefully i'm right about this." your eyes widen but you don’t move as he moves your arms from your waist to his, his hands holding your neck and he’s so close now you’re the one hearing his heartbeat. just as fast as yours.

so maybe when he looked at you there was reason to it, and maybe his hugs did linger and it wasn’t you holding on too long. maybe the times he told you to wear one of his jerseys to lacrosse matches were because he wanted to see you in his clothes, cheering for him, and not because he was friendly.

"i—i kinda wanted to die—i thought you didn't even look at me." you confessed in a murmur, he chuckled, leaning in, lips terribly close, virtually touching yours—but the door opened abruptly and the noise from the party flooded the otherwise quiet room.

stiles.

STILES.

"HOLY FUCK, ABOUT TIME THIS HAPPENS! I'M SO SORRY, PLEASE CONTINUE—" he doesn't have to say twice, you were still stunned by his interruption when isaac pulled you completely to him, kissing you passionately, hoping stiles would get a clue and leave (he did).

his hands were firm, but oh so gentle as he deepened the kiss, it sends shivers down your spine, it was intense, maybe it was the alcohol, or the fact he had wanted to do that for a really long time now.

every brush of his lips to yours was like putting more fire to a flame and you gripped to his shirt with both your hands as you moved together in perfect rhythm. it felt like a second and an eternity at the same time, you could feel isaac's body heat mixed to yours, having to part to breathe was torture.

isaac looked at you and his eyes shared the same hunger as yours, he quickly took one of your hands to his, leaving the room in quick steps as he pulled you behind with him, "so i was right, and we're leaving the party, is that okay?" he looks at you, still walking, and you can only nod, after all, parties are fun, and one with him alone is definitely more your taste.

[shini--chan]

Would you please do a Yandere Character Sheet II for England, Canada, and Russia?

First one will be Russia. The other two will come out next month.

Yandere Character Sheet II

1p Russia - Ivan Konstantinovich Braginski 

Trigger warnings: stalking, other controlling behaviours, toxic relationship dynamics, isolation, trivilisation of abuse, coersion, drugging, implied violence

Blend in - Are the red flags obvious? Are they even aware that their behaviour is wrong? Do they even care? 

On this topic, there are the red flags that Ivan is self-aware of, and those he hasn't the foggiest clue of. Russia doesn't have any delusions of self-righteousness or sainthood. While he may strive for a better life and dream of eternal summer, he is cynical beneath the friendliness and hospitality. He is well-aware that he has flaws, and he sees them as products of his circumstances above anything else. As such, he doesn't invest much energy in trying to curb them. 

Some of the red flags in himself that he is conscious of are the following:

 That he is overly controlling. This is part of his natural personality and what makes him yandere as well. To him, it is a need that has to be fulfilled. Especially at the start of your relationship, he wouldn't really trust you and it would shine through. Ivan would try to keep it subtle, though how successful he'd be at that is a different question. He is older or at least more experienced than you. In ways, he doesn't expect you to be capable of handling yourself, at least not entirely, and that you therefore need somebody to guide you. Along the same vein, he'd be prone to offering unsolicited advice. Of course, he has other reasons for this sort of behaviour - such as that he simply feels more at ease the more control he has over the situation at hand. Ivan has been disappointed and burned too often in the past to just give somebody else the reigns. 

As such, he would hover over your shoulder and check what sort of books you read and TV shows you watch. His reasoning behind this is that he doesn't want you to be corrupted. You are precious to him, and he doesn't want you to lose your lustre.

Will always want to know your whereabouts and doings, as well as the reasons behind them. Part of this would be to get to know you better, part to protect you. 

Tying in with what is described in the first point, is that he would be prone to making important decisions without you. Suddenly, you would find yourself engaged to him, then spirited away to the registry office for marriage and moving in with him. Should you be unable to assert yourself, then he'll just steamroll over your opinions and sweep you along. You might try to argue, but you would have to argue well or else he'll just shut you down. 

Is very restrictive when it comes to how other people interact with you, even early on in the relationship. The reason behind this would be twofold - on one hand, he wants to protect your honour. No insults towards you would be tolerated, nor vulgar remarks or flirting. Who knows, maybe you'd even have to restrain him from some hapless boy that just winked at you while crossing the street. The other part is that he doesn't want anybody to steal you away or hurt you, or fill your head with fluff. The more time passes, the more hoops a person would have to jump through just to get to talk with you for a few minutes. 

Another characteristic that you'd have to suffer under would be his paranoia. You are very important to him, thus he'd live with the underlying fear of you abandoning him. Want to retain a certain measure of freedom? Then don't hint that you want to leave him while you hold his heart in your hands. Still, he would regularly demand reassurances and test your loyalty. 

Despite all these things that he would inflict on you, he would remain an immensely private person and take very long to start to truly open up to you. His respect and trust aren't something given, they are earned. The matter is, a normal, peaceful life wouldn't allow you to demonstrate your loyalty to him sufficiently enough for his tastes, so he would put you through some tribulations. 

Beneath a certain threshold, he would be quick to trivialise the suffering and fears of other people. His black humour would exacerbate this, since he would also be inclined to trolling people over what he deems "minor dilemmas". 

Compatriot - Who aids them? Who condemns them? Are there ways you can convince their friends/colleges/underlings to help you?

You'd think he'd be on his own here but no, he has plenty of support. For each person that does him a favour, he would give something in return. As such, he'd have a lot of people willing to aid him. With all these persons and groups, he would be careful not to reveal all his cards. Ivan knows that much of the leverage he wields also comes from being unpredictable and he would take advantage of this to it. 

For those that aid him, be it attaining to maintaining to retrieving you, there would be prizes. Aside from that, there would also be those that are wholly loyal to him, whether because of patriotism, ideology or kinship, or naked self-interest. These people would often go out of their way to help him on their own initiative. Exactly these types would be the hardest to sway to your side, and you might have to deceive, or at least mislead, them if you want them to help you with matters that run counter to Ivan's desires. However, if what you want isn't diametrically opposed to your "lover's" wishes, or if you make them think so, then they'll be glad to help you out as well. 

Naturally, there are those that work for or under Ivan Konstantinovich and are unhappy with the lot they've drawn. These people would be wary of you at first, considering his attachment to you. In the case that you bridge the gap successfully, then they'll aid you with vigour, and if it is only to be petty towards Russia. The ground condition here is that they would dare … rebel. Despite what you may think, it wouldn't be self-evident. 

On the flip side, there are many that would be ready to help you in a heartbeat just because it is Ivan that they are dealing with. The need to deal a blow would come before everything else. If this is a wise choice is a different discussion altogether. In the case that the "plan" fails, chances are high that you'd be dropped like a hot coal. 

Taking a step away from those fanatic elements, there would be the more level-headed opponents as well. Don't be surprised when you're treated more like a chess piece than a human being. 

Dominion - What actions are especially pleasing to them?

Ivan can be very simple in this regard. Cater to him and praise him; reserve a special place in your heart for him and be the sort to have enough sensitivity to know which actions are appropriate and when. Additionally, use diminutives that display your closeness to him, like Vaneshka or Ivanushka. In turn, he'll expect to have the privilege of being the only one to use a special diminutive of your name. 

Fluffy relationship jazz aside, find opportunities to flaunt your loyalty to him. As mentioned before, he would need constant reassurance to feel comfortable in your relationship. Keep in mind that the more his paranoia is quelled, the more freedoms you'd have. That said, you'd have to make sure it is viewed as genuine and not mere lip service. Show, don't tell. These don't have to be over-the-top romantic gestures - in fact he would prefer it if you don't subject him to such things too often. What matters is that you choose him even when it is the less favourable option. Suffer for his sake instead of saving yourself. 

What would please him immensely, would be to have his achievements recognised by you. Ranging from small things like making a good breakfast to major things like putting a man in space, he'd want you to look at him with admiration. Just like how America has claimed that he was the deciding player in WWII when it actually was the USSR - Alfred was getting his arse handed back to him in the Sahara when Nazi Germany’s fate was sealed at the Battle of Kursk - he doesn’t like it when somebody takes credit for his achievements.

Accept his version of reality - don’t dismiss his fears or laugh at his desires and make him feel appreciated. He also wants somebody to confide in, somebody that he can someday pour his heart out to. A person that wouldn’t clap their hands over their ears, or call him a liar or end the conversation because what they are hearing is too much. Show him that he can trust you, and you’ll find your life with him becoming much more comfortable. 

Aside from that, he’d love it if you take on a multitude of hobbies - such as gardening, reading, wood work and the such. Preferably they should be hobbies that are either useful and train the body and or mind. On top of that, Ivan would want something mundane that you two can connect over, such as hiking and watching cheesy melodrama and then writing critiques of them online.

Flight - What do you have to do in order to escape them?

Find a moment when he is weak and distracted and make a break for it - or not. On that front, the situation is complicated, since Ivan actually functions best when life isn’t very peaceful and comfortable for him. Pain makes him move faster and his thought processes clearer. If anything, you’d be in for a very nasty shock. Since you are what provides him happiness, he would be all the quicker to track you down if you flee when the going is rough. 

As it is, you’d have to find a moment when he is totally weakened, weakened to the point where he can’t move without assistance, or when he is completely at ease and therefore would take some time to notice something is amiss. The other option would just to be quicker on your feet and get in his decision making loop - surprise him, do what he wouldn’t expect. Though watch out - he would be very quick to adjust to new challenges.

Hospitality - What is your life like with them? How much does it deviate from your former life?

Once again, that would largely depend on your behaviour. Though, there would still be some fundamentals. Ivan would expect the two of you to fit together like two peas in a pod. While he wouldn’t be adverse to with seeing other people, he would be very strict and controlling on who you would see. Mostly, he would insist that he is present whenever you interact with another human being, be it your mother or a cashier in a store. Who knows who could harm you? Who knows who would try to seperate you from him?

What would occur, would be a lot of outdoor activities, especially in summer. It would be a bonding experience, a way to distract you from the “harsh realities” that you’re facing and as a means to prevent you from escaping. You’d hardly have time to plot an escape, never mind prepare for one if you’re constantly busy and in unknown locations. You wouldn’t be a sex doll to him, so he would encourage you to have your own personality, within premediated boundaries of course. You’re allowed to have hobbies and a mind of your own, as long as said mind isn’t opposed to him. If anything, hobbies would function to make you more comfortable around him, and as a way for him to show you his support and encouragement. 

If you are very well behaved, then he’d even allow you to have a job. With enough imagination, you could even trick yourself into thinking that you are living a normal life and are in a somewhat normal relationship. There would be surveilance and a hideous amount of rules that you’d have to follow, but Ivan would explain it away as the price of being so high in the pecking order. Should you make peace with that, life would be fairly ok. 

Should you not be well behaved, then the retriction would come into play. You’d have a tracker implanted, and somebody to shadow your movements and even pull you away from other people if you seem to be getting to cozy. Finacial movements of yours would be tracked, as well as the location of your withdrawal. Ivan would gain access to your electonics, and if your behaviour would worsen, then he would relieve you your mobile devices entirely. If he is feeling gracious, then he would set up a seperate account on his computer, but don’t count on that. A curfew would be implemented, upon which you are to stay in your room and go to sleep once the clock strikes the determined hour. For safety, the room would be sparse and you’d have to hand in any books or tools or electronics. He’d use sleeping pills on you if you’d try to defy him by staying up late on purpose. 

Generally, you’d live a life according to a strict schedule, that would only become harsher the more you act out against him. It could very well culminate in him spiriting you off to the middle of nowhere to live in a hunt. Just the two of you - how very romantic, yes? 

Order - What are the rules you have to adhere to?

There are quite a few, and some of them would only come into force later on, or be discarded as the relationship progresses and the circumstances change. Though, here are some of the ground rules:

Always be honest with me. If there is something that Ivan can’t stand, then it is cunning. He sees it as a weakness of character, indesivness in descion making, and disrespect to other people. Besides, if you lie once, then when should he know when you’ll lie again? If you like riddles and prose, fine, just don’t be misleading. Don’t induluge in half-truths. If there is something that you don’t like about him or his behaviour, be the one to inform him on your own incentive - don’t make him pull every word out of your throat, and don’t let him gain the information from the rumour mill. If you tell him one thing, only for him to find out the opposite was true later on, then his trust in you will be diminished and he’ll play restrictions on you, at the very least. 

Stay in control of your emotions. I don’t want to see any tantrums. Ivan is very familiar with flights of passion, with emotional speeches and impulsive gesture. Though, you should be in control of your emotions - not the other way around. If that isn’t the case, then he would see it as a sign of you needing to be fixed and that you shouldn’t be allowed out in public. Also, whenever you get very emotional, he can’t help but ask himself if it is a ploy, or if you are a hysterical person in general. 

If you don’t want to be harmed, then don’t try to harm me. To him, relationships should be mutual, so if you try to poison or electrucute or stab him or harm him in anyway, then he’ll pay you back with interest. This would be an especially sore spot for him, since he is cynical as it is. He would take such actions as betrayal, and traitors ought to be punished most serverly. Of course, he wouldn’t want to break you, though he might end up overestimating your hardiness and permanently damaging you anyhow. 

Listen to you, and don’t dismiss my words lightly. If there is something that Ivan loathes, it is being made a laughing stock. Something he detests just as much is when his words are simply shrugged off. While there is a certain pleasure in sticking around to say “I told you so” when things go south, people are capable of cognitive distortion. Thus, he would want to taken seriously from the get-go. If you need time to come around, then fine, he is a patient man. However, even his patience has an end. 

Rehabilitation - How much will they change you? Will they break you? How much therapy would you need in the event that you get rid of them? 

Part of Ivan’s schick is to make you dependant on him in some form or manner. If he can manage it, you’d need him in multiple ways, such as for financial support, protection, understanding, familiarity … and much more than can be listed here. Man and wife are one before God and the law - he would want to go even further than that. 

Tearing yourself away from him would be painful in its own way, and you would need community support in order to learn how to live on your own again. Not something easy, since you would have to build many, in some cases all, social bonds from scratch. Ivan would look for you in your former community, so returning wouldn’t be much of an option. To top it off, he would strive to install his own paranoia and cynicism in you, so that opening up to other people would be very difficult. All in all, it would be more likely for you to return to his embrace than to make a full recovery. 

Full recovery would be grueling and you’d have to have somebody to hold you in place when you’d slip back and wish to return to him. It would take years, and you would have to have an iron clad will to not give in to despair. 

Zeal - Do they fall fast or slow? What is their reaction to their own feelings?

He is fast to take an interest in you, but slow to actually act in his feelings. The key matter here is that while he is a passionate man, he has learned to control it with pragmatism. So, he would make efforts to get closer to you, to learn more about you and then decide how he should handle you. That being said - he is slow to move but once he does, it is with great momentum. 

[firelilyfox]

Stardust Dreams

part two

consider reading Part One first

Wonka: Willy Wonka x female reader

Warnings: none just fluff, fluff and more fluff

Words: 1k

the only thing willy can think about is the girl he just met

__________________________________

Willy should have focused on his work, but all he thought about was, how slow time could pass while waiting to see y/n again. 

The sun was setting already and most of the visitors were already leaving, except for Noodle and Ellie. The two girls were laying on the chocolate hill, giggling and rubbing their full bellies. Willy watches them from a higher position because he didn’t want to miss the exact moment y/n would walk through the doors to pick them up. 

And as if the universe could read his mind, Willy saw her coming towards them. Y/n didn’t see him sitting up there in a cherry blossom sugar tree but for a spilt second she were searching for him. 

„How have you been girls? Are you ready to go home yet?“, y/n asked. 

„We had so much fun! I want to come back every day and eat more chocolate and play with the Oompa Loompas. They are so adorable“, Ellie giggled. 

Willy could get a look at two of the Loompas who tried to hide their smile. All in for one the orange man and his friends were pretty … professional creatures but they had a big heart. 

Y/n shakes her had. „Every day is a bit much. But I think we can come again once in a while. Noodle do you know were Mr. Wonka … I mean Willy would be right now? I want to thank him for keeping an eye on you two.“ 

Noodle and Ellie smiled at each other. It seems like they shared a few words without even speaking. „I think I saw him at the blossom tree right behind the sugar rush bridge.“ 

Willy could hear every word that were spoken and quickly makes his way down the tree. He don’t want to appear creepy because of his watcher position. While y/n came walking towards the bridge, the girls leaving the great hall to wait outside. 

As her eyes met Willys, y/n smiled from one ear to another. She is so beautiful. It almost hurts. Willy thinks with a pounding heart. 

„Hello again, Willy.“ 

He didn’t know what else to do, so he tapped his hat in greeting and slightly bowed to her. „Good evening, y/n.“ 

Her warmth laughter could melt the biggest iceberg. „I wanted to thank you for watching out for the girls. Although I know how close you are to Noodle and that she probably knows every corner of this magical place, it frightent me at first to let them go alone.“ 

„Your sister is a wonderful child. I’m more than happy to see them having so much fun together. Noodle needs more friends in her age I assume.“ His words were followed with a bittersweet feeling. Willy had never made friends in his age. Even when he was a young boy, he only had his Mom before she passed away. 

Y/n noticed his slight change in mood and tilted her head. „What do you do for fun, Willy?“ 

The question surprised him. „Everything. My work brings joy to the people and that brings joy to me.“ He meant it. Willy always loved to make people happy. 

„That truly is remarkable but it’s not what I meant. What do you like to do besides your work?“ She nervously played with her fingers. 

Willy got even more confused. The only thing he ever had done besides working for his dream was … what was it? He couldn’t think of anything. „I’m not sure if i ever did something else than working and studying. That’s shameful!“ 

„Oh not at all. I knew you were a man who his quiet ambitious. But I think you could use a little break from being everyones entertainer.“ She stepped a little closer to him. Willy had to look down because their hight difference was about 7 inches. „I would like to invite you to have dinner with me. To thank you … for keeping an eye on may sister…. If you like.“ 

Her cheeks blushed and Willy had never seen a more beautiful color on somebody’s face. It was hard for him to find the right words without stuttering. Did she just invited him to a … date? Noodle was talking about this boy in her class and that she wanted him to invite her to something that is called a date. 

„Is that … are you saying you want to go on a date?“, Willy asked confused. Y/n blushed even more and was biting her lip. 

„I mean … yeah … you could say that. If you want.“ Her shy eyes looked away and Willys heart just jumped like a kangaroo. 

Willy didn’t knew what could be so exciting on the idea to spent time with a person, because you can always hang out with the people you like. But now he had to admit; to get asked out for a date was feeling a lot different than he imagined. 

„I would love to!“ He shouted in excitement and the nearby Oompa Loompas turned around with a confused look on their faces. 

Y/n laughed. „Okay. Could you spare some time tomorrow? I work at the library and my shift ends at six o’clock.“ 

„I will be there, y/n.“ He bowed again to hide his wide smile, that was now glued to his face. But she had other plans in mind. Before Willy saw it coming, she leans towards him and kissed his cheek. 

„Goodbye, Mr. Wonka.“ She curtsied playfully and turned around to follow the girls outside. 

Willy wasn’t sure how long it took him to breathe again. His hand touched the cheek on wich he could still feel the warmth of her lips.

„Willy. Just Willy.“ He whispered to himself in disbelief of how that little touch from skin to skin made him feel. 

[starillusion13]

FRIENDS!? Chapter 6

🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

Series ML

Pairing: poly!ateez × f!reader (An ATEEZ Office AU)

Genre: Mature, Angst, Yandere, SMUT

Warning: suggestive themes, kiss, talk about past, lots of flirting(!!!) nothing else Ig.

W.C: 5.2k

For my beloved: @oreharuuu

Network: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

[Reblogs and Reviews are always appreciated. Thank you for reading and have a nice day ahead. Please always take care of yourself everyone.]

Hello, Can we be friends please?

The Angel is back.

Yeosang is back to his loving and happy friend aura. You don’t know why he was acting all rude and mysterious for these past months since I that day but you are excited to be with his company. He is such a sweetheart. His caring nature is beyond expected and the worry look on his face is something that keeps bugging in the backside of your head. Like, You have seen this angelic smile and felt this care and loved before. But where?

Employees might wonder that you are cheating behind Wooyoung with Yeosang. Yes, that guy is always being trailing behind you every day in the off-time but never once anybody see you getting along with Yeosang before. To wave off their suspicion, you tried to tell him not to show his closeness with you in public but you didn’t want him to be distant again so you kept it to yourself. He might have noticed your discomfort so he smilingly but in a tone of threat, he made it clear to everyone that she is a part of their family and no one should judge you otherwise they have to face the consequences.

“Yeosang, you didn’t have to be like that to them. They were so scared of you.”

He chuckled, “So? They should know their place. I can tolerate anything but I won’t be thinking twice if I hear anything about you and if it’s making you uncomfortable.”

“Why are you caring so much?” You asked while shifting in your place beside him. It’s so nice spending time with him in the terrace.

He casted a glance at you and then looked forward to the wide city view, “Even if I wanted to hate you, I couldn’t. That was not your fault to leave me but somehow, I still get mad when I remember that you ran away and never came back.” He turned towards you and cupped your face, “Why did you leave us?”

Run away? Left them? Why do you feel that you know about this but still somewhere you can’t remember some important parts. You always see yourself running in your dreams and escaping from somewhere. You were scared and wanting help but nobody was there. Should you tell him about your dreams? Maybe later. What if you were running away from them?

You held his wrists and smiled, “I don’t know why I did. But one thing is that am sure about is I was in need of somebody. A person who could protect me but no one was there and I was all left alone. I was scared, Yeosang”

A sad look appeared on his face. Air of guilt suffocating him but still he managed to cup your cheeks.

“Every time remember that even if you are my enemy then also you will be the first person I would protect. I can’t hurt you, Y/n.” In a soft tone he said to you.

“Then why did you behave like that on the first day?”

He avoided your eyes hearing the question, placing his hands on his thighs, he looked down, “I was scared that you would leave again. I would lose you again and that guy in your college would steal you away from me.”

“You both are my friends. Don’t worry, I’m not leaving either of you.” You placed your hands on his.

  You wonder what they would do with the ones who speak tons of nonsense about you and the CEOs behind their back. You don’t mind it though as you are trying your best to ignore them as you have got your boys.

Well, boys. Your boys.

Yeah, it may sound funny that you are calling some grown men as your boys but one time after your tired day when you were scrolling through the phone, Seonghwa and Hongjoong came inside the cabin with lots of treats and all the snacks were your favourite despite some of those were disapproved by Hongjoong. You laughed when he scolded you for eating those unhealthy foods but still, he had that fondness in his eyes while watching you enjoying their treat. You told them that they were behaving like teenage boys and they gladly mentioned that they are your boys. And then everytime, you are teasing them calling them out as your boys, of course behind those employees at work.

Did you call them as your boys back then?

“When we were friends back then, did you all use to buy snacks for me like this?” You asked them while munching your cookies.

Honjoong was leaning against the corner table and going through some files placed on it. On hearing your question, he adjusted his glasses and looked up to give a small smile to your direction, “Yeah…you can say like that. Maybe we did. We…just wanted you to be happy, to see you always smiling.”

“And we are relieved that our little angel is enjoying our treat so much.” Seonghwa leans against the table in front where he managed to make a place to keep his hand as you have spread your snacks all over it.

“Little…angel?” You have heard this name. Maybe by someone with whom you had come across many times or might be Beomgyu. No, he can’t be the one calling you these names. Then who? You are sure you are not wrong remembering hearing this name before. Lately, many mysterious things seemed familiar to you and you are curious every day. Oh wait! How did you forget this name? You have heard this in your dream.

“You…you used to call me this name?....” You said while your curious eyes dancing between both of them.

“Are you asking me or you are remembering anything?” Seonghwa seemed too happy hearing you and he held your hands tightly.

“I…I don’t know…It just felt like I have heard this.”

Hongjoong came beside you and patted your head, “If you ever remember something do tell me or any one of us. We would be happy to get to know the past or maybe” He casted a glance at the other man standing on the other side and then turned to you, “we would likely know the things happened…with you after you left us.”

You nodded.

……..

Tell them what you remembered. You have managed the courage a lot of times to tell them about your dreams but the time you are standing in front of them, you just give them a smile and shake your head as if those are nothing to bother about. But deep down you want to voice out. Many things are clear, most importantly that you knew them back in your school days but them being your friends is still a mysterious topic. The nicknames they are using like Wooyoung calling you his cupcake, Yeosang as doll and Seonghwa as his little angel, these are exactly those names you hear in your dreams. One might find it weird to hear and see stuffs in dreams and then spending the whole day thinking about that but for you, having some flashbacks is really an important matter. Few days back when you heard Wooyoung saying the same sentence from your dream while giving you the cupcake triggered something that lead you to ignore him. He was really upset and others found it concerning when you both were being distant. But one day, you went to talk to him and told him that you were suddenly feeling down past those days and that was the time when Yeosang suddenly changed and you three started spending time together. One day Hongjoong commented when you three were enjoying time at the terrace during the break that seeing you with both of them felt like Deja-vu. Is it though? So, you used to spend your days like that? Now half of your mind is excited that you are finally remembering stuffs and getting close to your old friends and rest half is curious and confused to know how exactly your relationship was with them. Were you only friends or you had something more than that with one of them?

Now, here comes Star. You are literally so happy to get her company in this little adventure. You have introduced Beomgyu to her one day when you two went out for a girls’ day outing but suddenly you came across him. Gradually, they have become good friends as well. You are literally having a best life with both of your new friends and old friends. Star is still being stick to the point on not telling them anything about your dreams and insisted you to tell them later when it would be a better time. Here comes the problem, recently whenever one of them finds you out having whispering conversation with Star, they would drag you away as if they are not liking you being friends with her. There should not be a problem but now you have to go outside or somewhere private to talk to her. Still, you know you have been on watch by none other than Yunho. Oh, he is enjoying this too much as whenever he catches you alone or talking with her then he would just tilt his head and smirks at you as if he is saying ‘There is nowhere you can run to.’ Yeah, of course as you are yet to get familiar to the building, not like him maybe literally born here. Very funny!

Your first target was Wooyoung and you needed to get to know about him as much as you wanted but the problem was you didn’t know from where to start with. So, you and Star made it to the point that you would get to know everything from him. If he is so friendly and nice to you then he should not hesitate in telling you how you met him but you need to keep in mind that you are not crossing your limit asking him too many questions that can make him feel like you are doubting him. You are just confused with everything like if you really had such nice friends then what would have been the matter for you to be in a condition where you could see yourself in horror in your dreams.

“What are you doing here?”

Your gaze moved towards the man standing at the door leaning and drinking his coffee. You didn’t expect him to be here but his curious eyes looking back at you with his question.

“Woo, I was just completing some paper works by tonight. Do you need something?” You glanced at the clock and sighed.

“I heard you were searching for me this afternoon. Why?” He asked and sat across from you.

Oh. I almost forgot.

“Yeah, I was. It’s nothing important if you are busy then we can talk about it later.”

He shook his head and leaned forward, “It’s look like you are busy right now but whenever you want to talk to me just remember I’m always available for you.”

You smiled at the grinning man in front, “I have almost finished with this work so it wont matter if we spend some time together. Jongho was helping me a lot this evening so Hongjoong won’t scold me again for not completing the work on time.”

He laughed, “You know he doesn’t actually get angry with you. It’s just his position’s characteristic which he needs to show to people so that they don’t take him easy. He has a lot of responsibility and a perfect big brother to us and he always look after us and…you. He can’t do anything that would scare you or that could harm you.”

“And you? What about you?” You put the papers aside and rested your face on your palm, elbows resting on the table and watching how he was turning the pages and glancing at you. His eyes caught yours but you didn’t look away.

“What about me?” He asked you and leaned forward.

“I want to know how you actually are, like you described Hongjoong. Were we the closest back then?”

“Yes. We were the best-friends.”

“Aren’t we all were?” you tilted your head.

“No…I mean…Yes we were…but but I met you first so we were special but…”

“But?” You stood and walk to his side and held his hand “but what, Woo?”

You watched how he was thinking something as if he was fighting with his own self and trying to form proper words but when you gave his hands a warm squeeze, he looked at you and you smiled.

“But what, Woo? Please tell me. I want our friendship to be like that again.”

Nibbling his lower lip between the teeth, he spoke “We met at a café when you were in junior school.”

Aha. There, he went. You knew he would be the soft target and that was how you got to him.

He continued, “You were so quiet and watching the donuts and cupcakes behind the glass case in the shop. I went there with Yeosang that day but he was busy doing his stuffs and you caught my eyes. I didn’t mind you at first but somehow, I went up to you and you were so scared of me. That was the first day I bought you a cupcake. You were hesitating to take it but still you glanced at me and at my hand then ran away.”

“You know me for a long time….” You were so into the story that you didn’t notice Wooyoung was almost sitting at the edge of the table.

“Yes. Since that day, I went there often just in hope that I would meet you again but you didn’t show up….Then one day I was walking home alone, you came behind me with a man and gave me some gifts. I was so confused but the man explained me that I helped you to buy the cupcake as you were hungry but shy to order things and I suppose we became friends like that.”

“We were not school-friends? And who was the man?” Your curiosity taking over you.

“No. We were not in the same school but we used to hang out after school. And I don’t know who was that man but you looked very happy with him.” He replied and pulled you between his legs and wrapped his arms around you.

You were not feeling uncomfortable being so close with him but a wave of comfort and familiarity spread all across yours. A smile appeared on your face along with his. Your mind was trying hard to remember those days you had spent with him, the happy days which are lost within a void and you desperately need to remember it to know if the days were so full of rainbows and butterflies then why you have flashbacks of some dark past. You shook your head but Wooyoung caught a glimpse of your panicked eyes.

“What happened? If you have any question, please do ask me. I am more than happy to share the past with you.”

You hesitated for a moment but when his promising smile nodded at you, the words automatic fell out from your mouth, “Did something happen between us? Are we something like teenage couples or like that? I…” You were almost near telling him about your dreams but you paused, that was not the current time to ask him about those dark themes.

Sadness flicked in his eyes but he quickly smiled, “Why?” He leaned to your ears, “Are you so curious about the past and your lovers?”

“What? No no. I am just asking you.” You tried to turn around but he held you tightly.

“Y/n, listen don’t always run away. Learn to face your situations confidently. If you are curious, you should be but don’t turn your back and run away…..just like the way you did in high-school.”

His palm caressing your soft cheeks and you leaning to his warm touch, “Please, Wooyoung.” You breathed out his name, you had so much in mind but didn’t know how to figure them out. Now his words were making it more confusing for you. You didn’t know what you were requesting him but he was on the edge to fulfil your demands.

“Tell me, cupcake. What do you need?”

“I want to forget everything for a moment and just want to think that only we are best-friends enjoying our time now together like we did back then.”

He stared at you for a moment before pressing his lips on you. Instead of pushing him away, you pulled him more into the kiss by wrapping your arms around his neck. He smiled in the kiss and held your head gently. The kiss started with both of your nose hitting each other, lips moving in sync as if you both were waiting for that moment. The kiss was neither too soft nor too rough but somewhere in between, like he was desperate to lose control but also controlling himself from causing a little bit of harm. Knowing him for some months and kissing him should make you regret and guilt should surround you but somewhere your mind was trusting him as if he could protect you from that dark past which was again haunting you. You didn’t know if he was the part of that past but still you were leaning to his comfort. Each warmth of his lips seemed familiar as if you knew him as if you were remembering everything yet your mind was black. His lips travelled down your jaw trailing kisses to your throat and shoulder, pulling your shirt down. He nibbled the area and gave a soft bite when you moaned hid name.

“I’m sorry…” He quickly apologized when he realised that he was lost in the moment and both of you were not even caring if anybody had seen you through the glass cabin or could enter through the doors.

“It’s okay, Woo….I..I allowed you too…” You couldn’t match his eyes when he grabbed your chin and made you look at him.

“Look at me. If you want to trust us. Please let us know that you trust us but never trust anyone other from us. You don’t know what intentions they have but you have us to protect you from this big world.”

“You are telling me as if I’m a kid. But Woo..” You slid your hand up to his cheek and gave him a smile, “I trust you.”

Even though he is still a stranger to you but somehow his words and actions are familiar. But you just had your kiss with him and your first target has been cleared. You don’t know who to get to know after this and you have many more questions to Wooyoung but maybe later. Now, it would be easy for you to discuss about your past.

“Woo…You had my first kiss.” You shyly and slowly told him.

He chuckled and you looked up, “No. I’m not your first kiss. You already had it with one of us but not me. Maybe I was the first person to meet you but someone else was good at stealing your first kiss and” He whispered, “Maybe he doesn’t know this but I’m your third kiss. You had your time with two of them and I am not complaining.”

What the hell! Who?

……

You had a kiss with Wooyoung and then there is this mysterious man from your story and also, you had already kissed them. What? Maybe he was joking? You had lover in your school days and that even more than one? Have you slept with anyone? Wait! You were minor in middle school but it could be even if you had anything in the first half of your high-school. You were almost elder than those students as you had been under medication according to Beomgyu so you had to off your school for one year but he didn’t mention about your friends. Medications? But that was a flue which damaged and led me having some health issues. Maybe he came after you left your friends. This is very confusing as what did happen in the high school which did lead you here.

……..

“Hey! What are you thinking? Tell me did he tell you anything about the past?” Star asks you while sipping her juice. You totally forgot that you have a company beside you and you were lost in your thoughts.

“Yeah…he told me about our friendship and how we used to spend our days. I asked him about it last week but you were not here these days so I couldn’t tell you.” You pout in the end of your speech.

She laughed, “Sorry I was kinda busy but what else he said?”

“Else?...um nothing.” It’s better to skip the kiss part, apart from that there was nothing “I just trust him that he was my closest friend. Well, he is a nice friend and seems like he is close with Yeosang and San too much maybe I can know other things from them.”

“You are going to ask them? Aren’t they scary to you?” Star raises her brows with her question.

“I didn’t say I will ask them. I am okay with Yeosang but San is still not included. Maybe, I should target Jongho Mingi or Yeosang next. They seem pretty good to approach.”

“What about Hongjoong and Seonghwa?” She asks you quickly. You think about them for a moment before replying her.

“I don’t know but they are pretty too professional while talking about anything but it’s better to-“

"CEO Jeong is calling you." you flinch on the chair, hearing a sudden voice inside the cabin. You didn’t hear anyone opening the door. Turning towards your door, you see Jongho standing leaning against the glass wall with folded hands above his chest and looking between you and Star. He didn’t mention Yunho’s name because they refer to each other with their last name in front of others.

"Did he tell you why?" you asked him but he just shrugged and turned back to the passageway but pauses and signals you to follow him.

"Star, take care of the rest," you said, standing up and she nodded eagerly. You don’t know if Jongho is bothered by her presence but you can explain him that she was there because she needed your help in some model outlooks for her magazine next week. You know she is the daughter of their business partner but they don’t appreciate her presence much except Wooyoung.

Before exiting the door, you turned and said, “Star, next is Jongho.”

You greet everyone you see while making your way to the elevator. You enter the elevator and press the tenth floor where the CEOs are having their respective works today.

You can always see a black door in each floor and you know whose cabins are those.

That is for CEO Kim Hongjoong and Park Seonghwa, is the literal head of the Company or The Bosses.

You made it to the tenth floor and when you exit the elevator, Jongho wave at you, “Go quickly, he was in hurry.”

You make your way towards Yunho's office. You knock on the door before entering his office. You saw him sitting on the chair before he looks at you and smirks. He and his signature expression.

"How's everything? Sit down please, "He asks you and you slowly close the door and sit down in front of his desk. You haven’t come across this floor before and this place is so quiet like even if he kills you, no one would get a hint. What the hell you are thinking?

"Everything is good...Yunho… all the pending works have been completed. Why do you need me?" you say politely but hands fidgeting on top of the chair handle. You always feel like a prey in front of him because of his gaze.

He looks at you before removing his glasses. He stands up from his seat before walking towards you. You keep your eyes on him as he places his hand on the armrests on your chair. He leans down to your level.

"You're extra cute today, pearl." He whispered right into your ear, his husky voice giving you some chills.

“Pearl?” Is this the name he used to call you back then? Do they each have separate names for you? If you were close with them then why some of them behave as if you were their past enemy. Or it can be that they are mad at you because of your leave then it’s not your fault as you yourself don’t know why you did that back then.

You heard the door open and both of you turn your heads towards the door, seeing Hongjoong standing there, not impressed by the position you were in.

"I sensed something happening here. Please don't be so close to her, despite her working under you. This is the second time I have caught you. Yunho" He slightly pushes Yunho away from you as he drags him to the side. “Be in the limits.”

“But I’m limitless.”

You look at them, confused about what they are doing. Yunho just smiled at you before looking back at Hongjoong and the other is already glaring at him.

"Look, I'll deal with you later." Hongjoong told him before leaving the room.

You look at Yunho before glancing at the door but he just winks at you. Isn’t he flirting too much today?

You continue to follow his words and explanation about the upcoming meeting and noted everything important in your tablet, he even joked a bit during the conversation but the next moment he is back to his dominating aura. You don’t expect him to suddenly change like Yeosang but you catch him staring at you many times, his eyes tell as if he is eager to say you a lot of things but somehow, he can’t.

"Outstanding works out there, pearl." He says when he goes through your points noted in the tablet. You thank him.

“So, I have one more thing to mention that you are going with us to this meeting at the hotel as we have to take a responsible employee but no one is better than our personal assistant who can handle our meeting there." He said and your eyes widened. No way, you are going to handle a business meeting at a hotel. You are worst when it comes to attend something in grand places because you still remember the insults you once got for your poor dress and looks.

"I- I can't handle that much-"

"No worries about that. You'll only be handling the files and taking down the notes and if required you can suggest on arranging our events with them. You don’t have much work but still your presence is a must." He said and you slowly nod but somewhere you are fighting an inner battle.

……

All the CEOs have arrived to the hotel. They have all arrived by the time but you and Yunho were earlier as the main member was him and so he brought you along with him. He has that permanent grip on your wrist since you both got down the car. You tried to wiggle but he glared at you and you don’t want to mess with him before the meeting as its very important for him.

"Stay close to me." He said then pats your back. He finally spotted the booked table for the meeting and went there to sit with you by his side.

A man in black suit comes near your table and you both stand up to greet him. Yunho introduced himself and you as his secretary but the man walks past him and comes to you. Yunho clenches his jaw.

“Hi, myself Lee Taeyong. The leader of Neo Culture Technology. What’s your name pretty?” He asks you and lifts your hand to press a kiss on back of it.

"I'm Y/N and I'll be attending the meeting with them today." You said then he suddenly lifts your chin up to make you look at him.

"You're kinda cute. what's your number?" He smirks and you glance at Yunho by your side whose eyes are full of rage. Little did you know, he was plotting a full proof murder scene for this man for touching you like this even in front of him.

"Taeyong, it seems like you need some pretty assistant in your office too. "A voice said before nearing your table. The man in front of you groans and smirks at the new comer.

"Gosh…How much I would have love that but" He said then looks at you while you avoid his eyes. Yunho gave you a signal not to react to his words.

Taeyong offers Yunho and you to sit down as he remove his blazer and places it over the chair.

"Do I have a chance there with you?" He smirks then you shake your head.

"No, sir."

"Too bad. "He stood up and took his schedule from the table. He then added one thing before placing it back.

"Hey, CEO Kim." He placed a hand on Hongjoong's shoulder and smiled at him. The other CEOs also greeted him.

He then sit back down between Hongjoong and Seonghwa and you between Yunho and Jongho. You notice other two members with Taeyong has also taken their seats.

"So, look... this new technology is already a success. Your events too CEO Jeong. The projects you've been creating are amazing too." Taeyong complimented them as they thanked him.

"Your agency are making amazing technology crafts too." Seonghwa said as he poured wine for him.

Taeyong looks at you and smiles, "She's adorable." He is still looking at you while the others also did the same thing.

"Are you interested in working as a model? I can make you my company's model." He said and Yeosang rolled his eyes.

"Become our model, you will get extra pay and-" Yunho suddenly holds your hand and abruptly stands up. He then pinches your cheek, leaving you shocked. He wraps his arms around your shoulder as he placed his chin on top of your head, back hugging you. Taeyong smirks at the scene with the raised eyebrows.

"I'm sorry.. she's working for me and she's mine-" “Yunho-“

Jongho stood up and flicks his head, making him let go of you. Jongho then pulls you away from him.

"I'm sorry about him.”

Jongho then caresses your shoulders and smiles at you. You didn’t expect Yunho to be like that in this important meeting as it may hamper his upcoming project.

"She works for our company and holds a special spot. She won't be going to any other companies for now." Seonghwa said, sitting down.

"Aww, I see. She would have been a good model too for my company." Taeyong said in a mocking tone.

"Shall we talk about business now?"

Hongjoong had it enough.

.

.

Why Hongjoong doesn’t allow anyone to be close with you? Should you find this out and get to know him first before Jongho? Also, you have noticed one thing that San is always with Yeosang. Without getting answers, the amount of questions are just increasing. Most importantly, who are the ones you had your kiss?

You look around the table. You caught his eyes, still watching you.

Him?

Who do you think are the ones she had kissed?

NEXT

Taglist :

@mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @vvshere @anyamaris @yeoobin @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @brrrkdslek-main @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @luhwaine @ilove-taeyong @dinonuguaegi @endeav0rsb1tch @loveforred @hwanring @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon @sousydive @aliona124754

(open! dm me/ send ask/reply here)

[builtbybrokenbells]

It’s Never Over

A blowout resulting in an untimely breakup between y/n and her long term boyfriend leaves both of them broken. A year and a half later, after nothing but radio silence and unrequited love, they find themselves face to face once more. Both grown up, living completely different lives, but still hurting over mistakes their younger selves made, and still hopelessly head over heels for each other. They find themselves caught up in the struggle of choice; to allow history to repeat itself, or let the memory of their past fade away into nothing.

listen while reading: lover, you should’ve come over - Jeff Buckley

Pairing: josh kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 17.7k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, sweet soft makeup sex, oral (f!receiving), fingering, praise, pet names, body worshiping ig if you squint, breakups/breakup talk, angst (with a happy ending 😁), mentions of drugs, drinking, sad josh (needs a warning of its own), crying, some yelling, sweetness, tooth rotting fluff, sorry if I miss any!!!

so somebody requested some josh angst and i just couldn’t help myself 🤭 a very happy ending, pinky promise. you guys know me well enough to know I’m a slut for happy endings. also sorry it turned out so long, i HAVE to stop it with the literal novels. i just got super attached to the characters and got carried away (what else is new). i also wrote this mostly in one sitting so I had to trim a lot and add things here and there, but i hope this is satisfactory!! also not fantastically edited, cause I’m super lazy 🫣 as always, be kind, enjoy, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!!

~

The silk of your dress clung to your skin, the slit in the leg just promiscuous enough to catch eyes, but not enough to be uncomfortably exposed. The deep emerald green was elegant, a fantastic choice on your part. Your hair hung loosely over your shoulders, the scent of your perfume radiating around you. You were dressed to the nines, much like the other women pooling into the lobby of the five-star hotel. Even so, you had never felt more out of place. As you anxiously awaited the progression to the main event, you couldn’t help but check over your shoulders every few minutes. You were hoping to catch sight of any familiar faces before they saw you, in hopes of a head start to hide away. You straightened your hair out and fixed the straps of your dress, trying to pass a few more minutes without focusing on your nervousness.

It was your first time back in Nashville after a year and a half of avoiding it. You’d moved to New York some time ago and hadn’t looked back since. Your hometown was greatly missed, but for no reasons that were obvious. You didn’t miss your family; you shared phone calls and texts, which was perfectly fine for you. They’d always been a bit hard on the head, raving about appearance and sophistication rather than fun and happiness, so the distance wasn’t terribly troublesome. Your siblings were scattered across the world, anyway, so the change in location really had no effect on the relationships you previously had with them. The town itself wasn’t troublesome to leave behind, either. You had gotten your fill of it in your first twenty-some years of life, and it was quite refreshing to get out into the world and see something new.

What you did miss, though, was the boy you left behind. Although, it wasn’t a choice to leave him; he’d made that decision for you, and without a hesitation, too. You never expected him to come with you while you followed your dream. It would be selfish to expect him to leave everything behind to chase you around the world. But, you did hope that there was a part of him that wanted to make it work despite the distance, like you’d done for him countless times. When you told him you had to go, that the move was something you desperately needed, all of the love he ever had for you seemed to disappear. He turned cold and distant, and ended things without a second thought.

“Please, Josh, just listen to me for one minute!” You begged, tears forming in your eyes. His usually joyous face was nothing short of indifferent towards you, now.

“I don’t have anything to talk about with you, y/n.” The words were equal to a stab to the chest. His eyes were looking anywhere but you, secretly afraid he’d break down and tell you everything he was holding back.

“You’re going to throw the last three years out the window over this? Without a compromise, or a conversation, or anything at all?” There was a few feet of space between you, both scared of breaking the invisible boundary.

“You’re leaving! You pack up all of your shit and move in with me, just to tell me a few months later that you’re moving across the country? You’ve known for a while, and you’re just telling me now?” He finally broke, the pain in his eyes clearer than anything you’d ever seen. The accusatory tone was infuriating, as if he was sentencing you with a crime you hadn’t committed.

“I haven’t known for a while, Josh. I just got the email today! I applied thinking there was no way in hell I would ever hear back, but I did, and I have to go. This is my dream, you know that. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.” You pleaded for him to see reason.

“The only thing, huh?” You could tell the statement landed wrong, feeling guilty for even making him think that was what you meant. “I tell you all of the time you can come work with us, design for us; we’d be more than happy to have you there.”

“I can’t do that! I can’t always be in the background of your fame. I can’t backpack off of your success, live in the shadows of my boyfriend forever. I need to make a name for myself, to prove to everyone that I can do it on my own, without any handouts.” You explained. He nodded, barely responding to anything you had to say about it.

“That’s fine, y/n. Go, live your dream. I’m not stopping you.” He sounded defeated, like he was giving up.

“What about us?” You whispered, your voice hoarse from the hours of back-and-fourth yelling.

“Clearly you weren’t thinking about me when you made the decision, so why are you worried about it, now?” Your heart broke, the tears you were holding back finally falling down your cheeks. “You can go, but I’m not going to wait for you to come back.” Silence hung thick in the air, and for the first time in your long history, it was uncomfortable.

“So that’s it?” You snapped. “I can sit at home while you travel the world, wait for you to come home, not know if you’re sleeping with the millions of girls that throw themselves at you? That’s fine? But the minute I want to get out of here, escape the shitty 9-5 lifestyle and do something for myself, I’m the bad guy? I’m not asking you to drop everything and come with me, I’m just asking you to love me enough to support me while I do it!” You could see regret flash in his eyes, both of your emotions running high and clouding your judgement. When he remained silent, you got more than enough of an answer. “Okay,” you let out a small, humourless laugh. “I’ll get my shit, then. If this is how you want to go about it, fine by me. You’ll never have to see me again.” You turned towards the hallway, preparing yourself to pack up your entire life.

“Y/n,” he said, stopping you for a moment. “Just stay, please.” You could hear tears in his voice, too.

“So I can sit around and wait for you for the rest of my life?” Your voice cracked, effortlessly showing him all of the emotion you were trying not to let out. “I can’t put everything on pause because you don’t want me to go, Josh. I might never get a chance like this ever again. I don’t want to leave you, but this is my life. My dream.”

“I’m supposed to be a part of your life, too.”

“Not if you make me choose.”

“So you’ve already made up your mind?” The accusation fuelled a fire in you.

“I was hoping to have both, but I guess we can’t have everything we want.” He let out a long exhale.

“Yeah, I guess so.” He grumbled. “You’re leaving to chase after a possibility, y/n. You’re gonna move out there with no real offer lined up? You could get out there and end up at another shitty office job. Alone, away from everything you know. I’m here. I love you, and I’m certain about that.” Your stomach sank at his words, filled with dread knowing that he didn’t believe in you.

“You may be, but I’m not.” You scoffed. “If you love me, you’d support me. You know how bad I want this. You’re not being fair.” You waited for a moment, hoping he’d say something else. When you were met with another staggering silence, you stumbled away from him with your heart in your stomach and your head in your hands. You left your house key on the bed before walking away forever.

That was the last time you spoke to him. A few days after that, you got on a plane to New York and spent months trying to rid yourself of his memory. Now, over a year later, every essence of your being was still plagued with Josh Kiszka. You never got over him, you never moved on, and you never stopped thinking of him. He was the love of your life; the type of love that overshadowed any other emotion you could ever experience. Sure, you hated him, too, and a part of you hoped you’d never see him again, but there was a bigger part of you that longed for one more hug, or even just another smile. He was one of a kind, and nobody held a candle to him. He never texted, he never called, or even so much as liked a social media post. Sometimes, you wondered if you’d spend the rest of your life yearning for someone who barely remembered you existed.

As much as you still loved him, the hurt you held in your chest was debilitating. He let you walk out the door, no hint of hesitation. It killed you, because you’d spent years cheering him and his brothers on while they lived their dream, but he wasn’t willing to reciprocate for you. You hoped he would change his mind, but the only thing you’d received in your year away was radio silence. There was no solid proof that you ever existed to him aside from memory, and that’s what hurt you the most. You watched his life through pictures, his face gracing your phone screen with new press releases and album announcements, sending you spiralling down the Kiszka rabbit hole even further. You listened to their music every now and then, even watched a few interviews, just to remind yourself of what his voice sounded like. You were well aware that their new album was bound to release within the next few months. It served as another reminder of how great his life was going without you in it.

You hadn’t done too bad for yourself, either. The move to New York stemmed from a submission to be considered for a spot in New York Fashion Week. You’d applied as a model for the event, with slim expectations for a response. When they responded to your headshots, it kickstarted the fire in you to follow your passion. Once you arrived, you modelled and found that taste of life you’d been longing for so badly. You had the opportunity to meet big names you had been dreaming of meeting your whole life, and somehow even managed to pick up a mentor to help you achieve your biggest dream: design. After a few months of solely shadowing her, then a year of sleepless nights and some blood, sweat, and tears, you were finally set to release your own line of designer clothing. Of course, it was partnered with your mentor company, but it still adorned your name.

Most of your presale items were already sold out, giving you an overwhelming sense of pride. Big celebrities were in line to own your clothing, eager enough to buy it that they were ordering months ahead. As much as it hurt leaving everything behind when you moved to New York, your life was more than you ever could have imagined it, now. Still, with all of the financial success, a part of you still felt like it was missing. Somewhere amidst all of the fame, you realized that you may have given up a bit too much to get where you were. You tried not to focus on it, knowing that dwelling on the past would only limit you from the future. If Josh Kiszka was meant to be yours, he would be. If not, life would go on. You had to understand that, because if you believed anything else, you were sure it would kill you.

The crowd began to filter away in front of you, letting you know the doors to the event were opening. The cameras outside were still flashing, meaning guests were still arriving. You were thankful you had a room booked upstairs so you could avoid the paparazzi. As much as you loved your work, the galas and celebrations could be a bit much by times. You almost preferred the quietness of the design room over the runway, now. At first, the pictures and cheers and magazine covers were a thrill. They’d begun to lose their novelty almost as soon as it started, just the same as the parties. When your boss handed you a plane ticket a few days prior, you questioned why you were heading to Nashville. She’d wasted no time in telling you about the Gala you would be not only attending, but speaking at. Your stomach was sick at the idea. Some of it was due to the public speaking, but more so because Nashville was the last place you wanted to be. But, part of the job was to keep up appearances, so you had no choice but to oblige.

The question of Nashville in specific brought up a whole world of information. Apparently, the success of your line of clothing had caused some speculation of expansion. That morning, the company announced your own outlet store opening in your hometown. They thought it as a gift to you, but it was more of a nightmare. That meant a lot more time in Nashville, even permanently, for a while. Also, more appearances, and more of a chance to run into the boy you’d rather run away from. Still, your appreciation of the gesture was unmatched; knowing they had faith in you to have your own outlets meant more than anything in the world. You felt like the success you’d been searching for had finally rewarded you. So, you hopped on a plane and threw on your best dress. You left your hotel room with big smiles and the determination to forget any uncertainty. Still, you were well aware that a gala in Nashville would indisputably include musicians. That meant there was a larger chance of seeing Josh than you were particularly comfortable with.

You followed the sea of people into the large room, noticing it was decorated in hints of golds and silvers, really showcasing elegance. The stage was lit up with low lights, hinting towards the anticipated guest speakers. Soft music flowed through the sound system, enveloping you in a warm embrace. Music was the best way to drown out the other noise, and in your life, there was always noise. “You know, there’s more to life than caviar and blow.” You looked to your side, focusing on your company for the night. You laughed at her comment once you’d processed what she said. “I don’t think many people here know that.”

“It’s a tale of the rich, Liz. Most of these people were born on a bed of gold plated fish eggs and were shoved straight into generational drug addiction.” You smirked, eyes scanning the crowd. You knew your parents weren’t poor, but they were far from the families some of these people were born into. They had good reputations in the community, but not across the world. You weren’t impoverished, but would never have fathomed this type of money as a kid. As much as they cared about appearance, they were good parents. They raised you with love and strong morals, and you weren’t a stranger to struggle. They didn’t pay your way through life. What you got came from what you earned.

“Can you even imagine growing up this way? First birthdays spent at the Met Gala and graduation parties thrown in Venice?” She chuckled, but disbelief was present in her tone. Liz was a university student you’d hand picked to hire after her graduation. She doubled as an assistant and one of your models, but she was more than that. Over the months, she’d slowly turned into your best friend. She wasn’t much younger than you, only by about three years. Her resume caught your eye faster than any other, and you’d called her almost instantly. She just wanted experience in the fashion world, but you were certain that if things went smooth over the next few months, you’d ensure she’d be given her shares in the company. She worked extremely hard, had fantastic insight, along with being bright, kind, and hilarious. She kept you on your toes and brought you back to reality when you needed it.

“I suppose if you don’t know anything else, it’s completely normal.” You theorized. “I don’t ever want my kids to grow up that way. I don’t want them to be scared of playing outside and getting dirty. I don’t want money to be their main concern. And, if I had to suffer through the American public school system, they will too.” You laughed. She joined in, agreeing completely. You turned your head towards her, noticing the material of her dress was misplaced around her shoulders. “Mm, hold on,” you said, reaching over to her. She faced you, already knowing what the look on your face meant. You straightened it out, taking a small step back to double check. “There. Can’t have you in disarray, darling. Sure way to get us kicked out.” She grinned, picking up on your joking tone immediately.

“You just want your designer dresses to look perfect.”

“I’m nothing if not vain.” You both shared another laugh. You noticed a photographer making his way around the room through the corner of your eye. “Lipstick check.” You said, panicked. You flashed her your teeth.

“You’re good.” She repeated the action back to you.

“You, too.” You let out a dramatic sigh of relief. “Can’t wait to get the pictures and introductions over with so we can start drinking.”

“You don’t need any generational alcoholism; you got that all by yourself.” She chided. You chuckled, eyes searching for a server with champagne. That was one thing that was always for certain; no matter how mind-numbing the gala’s were, there was always high-end alcohol floating around somewhere.

“It’s not all pretty patterns and cross stitching, you know. Have to drown the demons somehow.” Your conversation was cut short by a camera being shoved in your faces. You gave your best public smile, the kind where your lips were upturned but you looked a little dead behind the eyes. Somehow in the celebrity world, that equated to elegance. You posed with Liz, giving the camera a bit of a show. Eventually, you broke and gave a real smile, but only for a moment. Once the photographer moved away, you relaxed your posture, feeling a bit more human.

“Does fame always entail looking soulless?”

“Yeah, pretty much. You’ll get used to it.” You mumbled, eyes falling to the table that was overflowing with food. Your eyes lit up at the sight of self-serve champagne flutes. You grabbed Liz’s hand, bringing her along with you as you advanced towards it. You picked up a glass, immediately taking a large gulp out of it. The nude colour of your lipstick stained the rim, claiming it as your own. Liz grabbed one too, also indulging in the bubbly liquid. “You don’t have to look soulless all of the time. Just when you’re posing, or on the walk, or if you’re walking down the street, or at the supermarket.” You listed, humour radiating from you. “Interviews give you the chance to show a little bit of life. Takes the world as a shock, you know, when they realize you actually have a personality.” You continued the earlier conversation.

“That seems a bit odd, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah, definitely. But it’s what I was taught.” You gave a shrug. “I think people find power attractive, and that’s kind of what you encase in pictures when you look like that. At least that’s what I picked up from it.”

“Makes sense, I guess. Also makes the interviews more memorable, too. People cling to the emotion ‘cause they feel like they finally get to know some part of you. Feel connected, even.”

“Exactly, sweetheart. See? You’re gonna have my job in no time.”

“Oh, don’t say that, you’ve got at least two more good years before people get bored of you.” You couldn’t help the cackle that fell from your lips, finding the statement hilarious mostly because of its truth. The spotlight only shines for so long before it’s begging to move on. “I don’t want your job. I’d like to work with you forever, I think.” She picked up an appetizer from the table, eyeing it suspiciously before popping it in her mouth.

“Don’t you think I’d be more fun when I go batshit crazy because I don’t know what to do with myself after the fame?”

“No, because I’d have to take care of you.” She said without missing a beat. “I know the rest of the ass-kissers at the office won’t. They just want their five minutes of fame. They don’t give a shit about you.” You hummed an agreement, knowing she was speaking the truth. True connection in the world of money and power was rare, and she was the only person you’d ever felt it with aside from your own mentor. It was a constant struggle of use people or get used, and it was exhausting. As much passion as you had for your work, you were always the first to admit that the industry was ruthless.

“Yeah, sometimes I feel like Julius Caesar walking in there. Waiting for the day they all get together and stab me.” You took another sip from your glass.

“Well, they’ll probably stab me, too. At least we can go to hell, together.” You raised your glass as a cheers to the statement. She gently clicked her glass against yours in response. “Jokes aside, you are a good boss. They all have great things to say about you, so you don’t have to worry about planned assassination, yet.”

“Fantastic news. I’ve been preparing for it for weeks, now.” You smiled. Just as you finished speaking, the lights dimmed a little further. You paid no mind to it, assuming it was just a cue for everyone to gather around in preparation for the first speech. “I want to be a good boss. I don’t want to be the person everybody is scared of. I do what I do because I love it, not for the money. If I can make people fall in love with it, too, then I know I did something worthwhile. That’s the end goal.” You drained the last of your beverage, placing your glass on the tray to be taken away. You immediately went for another, needing the liquid courage for when the stage was yours.

“You do a good job. That office is full of inspiration. I never felt out of place, even when I had no experience. Made me feel like I was meant to be there, rather than just meant to work for you.” You let a smile out, one laced with genuineness.

“Cause you are, Liz. I didn’t hire you because i thought you’d stroke my ego. I hired you because I knew you’d challenge me. There’s no pride in getting your way all of the time. We all need a little criticism to thrive.”

“It’s insane, y/n. I remember being in my grad year and hearing about the new model catching the attention of everyone at Fashion Week. Less than a year later, you were working with one of the biggest designers in America, and starting your own brand. You made the industry your bitch, and when you hired me I was terrified of you. I thought anyone who climbed the ladder that fast had to be evil. But you’re just a person. My friend, even. You respect everyone, from the big bosses to the janitors. It’s very admirable.”

“Don’t stroke my ego, I just told you that’s not why I hired you.” You chuckled. “I was the same as everyone else, too. I didn’t come from money, I had to do the dirty work, I got my heart broken, and knocked down a few times, too. I can recognize what I have now had a lot to do with luck, even if I do have the talent. That’s just the way the industry works. But, everyone plays a part in success, even if you’re the one changing the garbages, signing the legal documents, or have your name sewn into the tag.” She watched you in admiration as you spoke, almost shaking her head in disbelief. Despite the tiny age gap, she always felt like she could get the wisdom she craved from you. She looked up to you, even when you told her not to. In your eyes, you and her were the same. You wished she’d start to see it that way, too. “You’ll realize I’m just me when I get up there and stumble over all of my words.” You chuckled.

“You’ll look hot while you do it, though.” She gave you a nudge with your elbow. You laughed, feeling redness rise to your cheeks.

“You think so?” You appreciated the compliment more than she realized. Deep down, you were hoping to look good, just in case Josh happened to be floating around the event.

“Oh, yeah. That dress was the right choice.” You both fell into a silence, meticulously people watching. By the time the first speech was over with, you were buzzing with nervousness for your turn on the stage. You realized just how many people were there as you observed the crowed, understanding that if you messed up, you’d be the laughing stock of the event. Liz picked up on your anxiety, soothing you with small jokes and comments intermittently. It was helping slightly, knowing that you weren’t there alone, at least.

You’d done a lot of behind the scenes work over the last year. You did a few shows, not minding the camera in your face because you didn’t have to say anything. There was no worry of stutters or misplaced rambling. Only recently had you started speaking publicly, beginning with interviews and press conferences. Now, they were integrating you into a spokesperson. As your mentor told you, your work is nothing without publicity. You needed to create the illusion of connection, make people believe they know you, make them feel appreciated. That was the key to success. You spoke at a few gala’s, but this was the largest one to date with some of the most popular faces. The alcohol was giving you a bit of a sense of confidence, and whether it was fake or not didn’t matter; you had it, and you were going to use it.

A hand on your shoulder sent a jolt of shock through you, as it was unfamiliar, yet strangely comforting. Somewhere in your soul, you recognized it without even having to look at the face. “I always told you green was your colour, sunshine.” The tone, the dialect, formulation of the words, even the barely noticeable Michigan accent at the end of the sentence was painstakingly reminiscent for you. Your stomach plummeted, heart pounding against your rib cage as you turned towards the voice. Your gaze connected with his, sending a wave of emotion through you more powerful than most you’d felt before.

“Jake,” you breathed. His lips upturned into a smile, unable to contain his excitement to see you.

“I missed you.” He said, wasting no time pulling you into a hug. As much of a shock as it was to see him, you couldn’t help but melt into the hold. As angry as you were with his brother, Jake had always been your best friend through the years of dating Josh. When your relationship came to an untimely end, so did your friendship. You’d grown estranged from the boy in the same way you had with Josh, and it killed you just the same, too. You spent days deliberating reaching out to him, just to check in, but you didn’t want to overstep boundaries. Instead, you mastered the art of becoming a stranger with him, too.

“You had time to miss me with all of that music you’re making?” You teased, pulling back but not fully letting go of him. Your hand rested on his bicep, hesitant to release him in case he slipped away. “An album and another world tour coming up, I’m surprised you have time to think of anything other than that guitar.”

“Always have time to think about you,” he said, trying to pass it off as a joke. You could see a flicker of hurt cross his eyes, the small emotion feeling like a stab to the chest. “What about you, though? Your own brand and an outlet store here in Nashville?”

“So you keep up to date with me?” You grinned.

“Seems like you do, too.” He chuckled. “I, uh… I’m proud of you, Sunny.” The words settled in your bones like cement, weighing you down. As kind as they were, everything seemed to hurt when it was coming from his mouth. Maybe it was the way he said it, or the way his tone of voice reminded you so much of the boy you forced yourself to stop thinking about. Maybe it was his mannerisms, or the face, because when he turned his head a certain angle, all you could see was Josh. Whatever it was, it hurt, and it hurt achingly bad.

“I’m proud of you guys, too. The single was phenomenal. I always knew you guys were destined for something big. I think I can even see the rock and roll hall of fame in your future.” You smiled.

“One can dream.” He laughed. “I saw you were almost completely sold out of pre-orders. Everybody has been talking about you. It’s crazy.”

“You checked out my website?” You asked, a fizzle of excitement sparking in your chest. He scoffed at the question.

“I think we were the first to put an order in.” He was telling the truth, you could sense the genuine nature of his words just by his eyes. “The men’s line is super cool, by the way.”

“Oh,” you squeaked. “You got something?” Your cheeks were burning with embarrassment.

“Of course we did, y/n. We all got something.” You wanted to press further about his statement of ‘all’, but you pushed the thought away.

“I thought you guys would have forgotten about me by now.” You admitted. A bewildered look flashed across his face.

“Forget you?” He asked, unable to believe you’d ever think that. “Sunny, we think about you almost every day. We talk about you all of the time.” You swallowed hard at the new found information. “I saw your name on the program and I knew I couldn’t let you get away without saying hi, at least. I’ve been looking for you all night. Recognized you as soon as I saw you over here. Could spot you from a mile away. I know… I know things ended pretty poorly, but the love is still there. That’ll never go away.” You almost didn’t know how to answer, wanting to pry more from him, but also not wanting to know at all.

“Is… is Josh here, too?” You finally asked, knowing the answer before he replied.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Is he,” you paused yourself, unsure if the inquiries were pushing a boundary. “okay? I mean, like obviously, but you know.” You rambled, embarrassing yourself slightly.

“He’s Josh.” Jake assured you, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “He misses you. He’s the first to check all of the fashion magazines to see if they’re talking about you. He hasn’t been… quite the same, since everything. He still laughs and drinks and rambles, but he’s a bit more distant, I think.”

“Oh,” you repeated your same proclamation from earlier.

“If you feel up to it, maybe stop and say hello. Even if you don’t talk to him, Sam and Danny would be over the moon to see you.”

“Uh, I don’t know, Jake.” A humourless laugh fell from your lips. “Some things are just better left as is.”

“I don’t think this one is,” he said, eyes boring into you. “It’s completely up to you, sunshine.” He said, smiling warmly to assure you he meant it. Before you could respond, the announcer called out your name; in the height of emotion, you must have missed your introduction. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?” Jake said, ushering you to the stage. You nodded, downing the last of your champagne before bustling towards the stairs. You were mindful of the skirt of your dress as you walked, fearing you may trip on it and ruin the entrance. Once you had both feet planted safely on the stage, you took to the mic stand.

“Thank you for that kind introduction,” You smiled off to the side of the stage at the host, assuming he had said something kind like he had for the other speakers. Otherwise, you would look a bit like a fool. “It’s fantastic to be here tonight.” You took in a breath, trying not to focus on the crowd staring up at you. “I spent a long time debating on what to say when I got here, tonight. If I’m being completely transparent, I’m still not sure. The boss told me to get up here and tell you about myself, so that’s what I’m going to do.” You started, eyes settling on Liz for some sense of security. You used her as a focal point until your comfortability grew. “It’s intimidating getting on stage and talking about success. Especially when I feel far behind in that department, sometimes. It doesn’t seem to matter how many sales are made, or how many congratulations are spewed; we always seem to be our biggest critic, and I haven’t been able to break that habit, yet. Growing up in Nashville, there was always buzz about the greats and the up and coming stars; this whole city, and state, is full of pride, and for good reason. To think that I can be considered part of it has been mind-blowing. Knowing the support I have from home and all over the world has been incredibly eye opening, and a bit of a confidence boost, too.” You flashed a smile, causing a chorus of laughter from the audience.

“Just over a year ago, I was packing my bags and riddled with anxiety at the thought of jumping on a plane and flying away from everything I’d ever known. Somehow, by the grace of the universe, I’d been selected to participate in New York Fashion Week. When I moved there, there was no true promise of a career, but the publicity certainly seemed like a good place to start. As I flew away from here, all I could hear in my head was a million reasons to turn around and stay home. There was one voice of reason in the swarm of negativity that pushed me to follow my dream, and I’m so thankful I listened to it.” You paused, regaining your breath before you continued on. “When I arrived, I got to meet people I’d been admiring for my entire life; names that I never thought I would get a chance to speak about, let alone speak to them. I walked with pride, even in my ignorance. I had no idea what I was doing, I was just happy to be there. Somehow, in my clumsiness and lack of grace, someone saw potential. I was lucky enough to be graced with a mentor who never gave up on me; one who taught me everything I know. She is my rock, and my mother away from home. I owe every success to her, and I have no shame in saying that.” There was an awe from the crowd, appreciating the sweetness.

“She taught me design, sure, but more so than that, she taught me dedication, pride and the true meaning of hard work.” Another laugh sounded. “After a few months of relentless effort, it started to pay off. A few small companies picked up my designs, using them for miscellaneous projects. But one day, in the dreariness of winter, I was given my most valuable gift; the offer to launch my own line of clothing. Of course, partnered with my parent company, but my own work, with my heart and soul stitched into the seams. I still struggle to believe it’s real.” There was a chorus of cheers at the statement. You gave a smile, rose dusting your cheeks. “In the time from the early stages of production to now, I’ve made incredible memories. There were hard times, lots of tears and challenges, and even a couple nights leaving me with the desire to give up. But I pushed through, persevering only due to the strength that my team gives me every day. Every person I work with played a part in me getting here, and it would be incredibly dishonourable to walk away without thanking them for their hard work, too. I was lucky enough to bring along my assistant, Liz.” You pointed to her in the front row. “She’s been my driving force, my best friend, and my motivation. I have no doubt that she’ll take over for me eventually, or even be bigger than what I am, now. If anyone deserves applause, it’s her.” The crowd gave another round of cheers, causing the younger girl to erupt in a blush, smiling and waving slightly. When the crowd died down, you continued.

“I’m beyond grateful to say the presales for the brand have nearly been sold out already. That is almost unfathomable for me to think about. This morning our company issued an announcement, which I’m sure some have heard by now. After months of relentless efforts, and the dedication from my fantastic colleagues, in addition to launching this new line of clothing, our first outlet will be opening here in Nashville. We thought it only right for my hometown to be the first place to have access to our store. I’m at a loss of words at the moment; I cannot express my gratitude enough.” A round of applause sounded. You couldn’t hold back your grin, looking around the room at all of the beaming faces.

“I want to sincerely thank everyone here for giving me the time to speak. Telling my story still feels very odd, like I shouldn’t have a story to tell. I never expected to be here in my lifetime, let alone at the young age that I am. To be considered a part of Nashville’s pride is an extraordinary feeling, and proof that hard work does pay off. I would be nothing without this city, and to see the love it has for me is a beautiful thing. I also want to say thank you to all of the friends of the past, ones who I don’t necessarily speak with anymore, but I always hold close to me, no matter the distance. There’s a few in the audience tonight, ones who will forever hold a place in my heart. They helped me get here just as much as anyone else.” You gave a soft smile, trying to locate Jake. You caught sight of him, making sure he knew who you were talking about. You ignored the bodies that stood next to him, unsure if you could keep going if you caught Josh’s gaze. “So with that, I won’t keep you any longer. Enjoy your night of festivities. The food is fantastic, and so are the drinks. Thank you for allowing me to share my celebrations with you all, and here’s to a hundred more outlet stores across the world.”

As you stepped off the stage, you were finally able to fully catch your breath. The clapping and cheering didn’t fully dissipate until you rejoined Liz by the beverages. “You did fantastic!” She raved, handing you a new glass of champagne.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up.” You breathed, fanning yourself with your hand. You grabbed the champagne with your other, wanting to drink away the feeling of standing on stage. “This is so stupid, don’t you think?” You asked her. “A bunch of rich people bragging about how rich they are.”

“That’s only some of them. Others are people who worked hard and want to celebrate the success. That’s where you come in.” She gave you a pat on the shoulder. “Thanks for the mention. Made me feel special.”

“You are special,” you laughed. “Takes a certain type of person to be able to put up with me all day.”

“Mm, you seem pretty widely liked. Who was that guy you were talking to?” She pried. You grimaced at the memory of the interaction.

“Uh, that was ex-boyfriends twin brother.” You explained. Her eyes widened at the knowledge, almost as if she didn’t believe you. You were surprised she didn’t catch on. Well, more surprised that she wasn’t eavesdropping. If you were her, you would be.

“Like ex-boyfriend who broke up with you because you moved to New York?”

“That’s the one.” You nodded. She knew about Josh, but mostly just the basics. She was well aware of the constant internal battle of still loving him and hating his guts. “Jake was my best friend, too, though. Just ‘cause me and Josh ended badly doesn’t mean I don’t love him.” You shrugged.

“So do we hate Josh today, or love him?” She raised an eyebrow.

“To be determined.” You grabbed a napkin off the table and one of the more appetizing looking foods.

“Is he here?” You nodded.

“Whole band is. I’m not surprised. They have an album and a world tour coming up.”

“So you keep tabs on them,” she smirked.

“Yeah, obviously. You wouldn’t?”

“Fair enough.” She conceded. “Are you going to talk to him?”

You didn’t answer, mostly because you weren’t sure yourself. You had no idea if you wanted to talk to him, and no idea if he wanted to talk to you. You weren’t mad at her for being curious. She’d been trying to set you up on dates the entire time she’d known you, but you always turned them down. She only clued in to why after you told her about Josh. You had no interest in dating anyone, mostly because you were certain nobody would ever compare to him. The other part of you was terrified of getting hurt like that again. When Josh let you walk out without as much as a shred of hesitation, it shattered you. He was everything; the one thing in your life you’d ever been 100% certain of. Leaving him behind was gut wrenching, but knowing he didn’t care enough to fight for you was worse. You always believed he loved you enough to not care about the distance; the few tours he’d done while you were dating never proved to be an issue. You had a hard time swallowing the truth that he didn’t mind the distance as long as he wasn’t the one waiting at home.

“I don’t know, Liz.” You sighed. “It’s been a long time. I think it’s better to just let it go.”

“If you still love him this much after all of this time, maybe you shouldn’t.” You placed the flute to your lips, tipping your head back and taking another long drink of champagne.

“You’ll learn soon enough not to listen to your heart all of the time. Brain knows best.” You reminded. “And stop being an instigator, you little shit.” You laughed. She smiled, but her eyes were following something behind you. You furrowed your eyebrows at her sudden disinterest in you, finding it odd.

“Better turn your heart off, then.” She let out a quick mumble of words. She’d recognized him just from the similarities to his brother. There was no mistaking who he was, or who he was intending to talk to.

“What?” You questioned, turning your head to look in the direction of her gaze. As soon as you did, you wished you hadn’t.

Your heart sped, stomach erupting into nervous butterflies. Your palms were sweating and your breath was stuck in your throat. Josh was there, approaching you with intent. He looked different; his hair was fluffier, shaved down on the sides. He had facial hair, too, although not much. He really looked like he’d grown up since the last time you’d seen him. But, if you had to admit it, you did, too. No more kids pretending to be grown ups with too many hopes and dreams; real adults with real professions. Adults that admittedly, had been very stupid. Adults that were still very much hurting over the mistakes their younger selves made. The difference 18 months can make was staggering, you realized.

His confidence faltered once he caught your eyes. He was certain he was going to fall to his knees, weak just from the sight of you in front of him again. As he walked, he debated turning around, pretending he’d never seen you at all. But, he was certain there was a gleam of hope in your eye, and that drove him to keep going. “I’ll catch up with you later,” Liz said, quickly shuffling away to give you a moment of privacy. By the time she was out of sight, he was in front of you. The scent of incense and lingering cologne hit you like a ton of bricks. It was a scent you’d been craving for a long time, unmistakably Josh. Unmistakably home. The both of you stood, unsure of where to start. The emotion was too intense for a simple hello, but the uncertainty limited you both from saying anything else.

You looked over his face, taking in his features, studying him as if you were trying to memorize him all over again. He did look different, his jaw a bit more prominent and overall looked a bit more serious than he used to. Still, under the new facade, he was in there. The Josh you fell in love with was undoubtedly standing in front of you, just rebranded. You realized he couldn’t change enough to take away the type of love you had for him, for it was undying. “Is this the part where we cause a scene and I throw my drink at you?” You asked. The corner of his lips upturned into a smirk.

“If you feel the need to, I suppose I could understand why.” You returned the expression, happy to know that the spark was still there. At least to you, it was.

“How’ve you been, Josh?” You whispered. You were certain a flash of hurt crossed his eyes as the words left your lips. It was one that told you he thought too much of you for such simplistic small-talk. One that screamed rejection at the formalities, especially considering you both knew each other better than anyone else.

“Travelling the world.” He shrugged, but that’s all he gave. “What about you, Sunshine?” The sound of the nickname coming from his lips could have sent you straight to your knees. You had to take a long breath before you could respond, feeling the need to recover from his question.

“Dressing up and pretending I fit in with these people.”

“Pretending?” He challenged. “Could’ve fooled me.” You gave a soft smile. “That speech was phenomenal.”

“Suppose I’ve grown into the part, now.”

“Crazy what a year and a half can do, eh?” You caught his eyes, feeling your heart ache at the sea of brown you’d been missing so much. “Not like anyone was counting, though.” He added, trying to pass it off as a joke, afraid to let the vulnerability through.

“Yeah,” you agreed. “You look good.” You finally said, airing out what you wanted to admit. He chuckled.

“Have you looked in a mirror, lately? Success looks fantastic on you.” He breathed. “I didn’t think you could get any prettier, but you always seem to surprise me.” Your heart fluttered at the compliment.

“You’re all looking quite spectacular, actually. I’d like to meet your stylist. Seems like they really know what they’re doing. The stage outfits are a masterpiece. Maybe I could work with them, if you’re willing to open up a spot for an old friend.” You smiled, a warm one without any dishonest undertones. He let out a small laugh, nodding along to your statement.

“I’m sure we could work something out. We’d all be pretty thrilled to have you on board with us.” A painful moment ensued, one where you clearly picked up on his refrain. He was talking in broadness to avoid letting you know how badly he’d enjoy having you around, again. “Did you maybe want to go somewhere a bit more private?” He asked, breaking the silence you’d fallen into.

“Yeah, that would be alright.” You nodded. “Think I need a few drinks for this conversation, though.” You finished the last of your champagne and grabbed two more flutes. He nodded, appreciating the idea, then grabbed two for himself. He was grateful you hadn’t turned around and walked away. A simple hello was more than he was expecting from the conversation.

He led you in the direction of a side door, opening it and holding it for you. You slipped out, noticing that it revealed a patio area. The night was cool, but clear. The stars twinkled few and far between, and the moon casted a low light over the ground. There were a few tables and chairs places spaciously around the deck, the posts adorned with swirls of string lights. It would have been quite romantic had the mood not been so sullen. He pulled out a chair for you, inviting you to sit down. You did so, placing your glasses on the table. He pulled a chair from the other side of the table towards you. He settled in front of you, a little bit closer than ex’s should sit.

He took a long look at you, drinking in every detail and finding himself intoxicated from it. He’d wished for so long to have you in front of him again that he seemed to forget the effect you had on him. It had only gotten worse with time. He looked to be waiting for you to speak first, so you did. “Why’d you let me go that night?” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

“I was stupid.” He admitted.

“Yeah,” you nodded, agreeing with him.

“Why’d you leave like that?” He asked, challenging your question. You looked up at him, disbelief clouding your expression.

“You made me choose, Josh.” You reminded him, not willing to take the blame for the situation.

“And you didn’t choose me.” He said, not in an accusatory fashion. Just in a simple sense, as if he was recalling the night as you spoke.

“I didn’t want to choose at all.” You explained. “You were asking me to pick between the two things I wanted most in life. It’s not like I walked into that conversation planning to leave you.”

“You chose a job over me, y/n.” You shot him a look, one that he knew all too well. It would take a lifetime to forget it.

“What if it was the other way around? You know you wouldn’t have picked me over music.” He kept his gaze on you, almost smiling, despite the situation being completely humourless.

“I certainly would have thought about it.” He answered. You could see he meant it, but you weren’t sure if he understood the implications of what he was saying.

“Okay.” You nodded, acknowledging his answer. “Come to New York with me.” You said, crossing your arms in front of your chest. You thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head.

“What?”

“Come to New York with me.” You repeated, refusing to back down. He didn’t need to know you’d likely be staying in Nashville at least for the foreseeable future. He didn’t need to know your bags were packed at your apartment, waiting for you to return just so you could pick them up. Your homecoming was set in stone, but you needed to see if he realized the extent of his answer.

“Things are different, now, y/n.” He said, dismissing the subject.

“Pretend they’re not.” You urged. “Please.”

“I would fly to see you on the weekends. Stay with you as much as I could. But I couldn’t move there.” He said. You nodded along to his words, begging for him to see the issue in his statement.

“What if that’s not good enough? It’s all or nothing, Josh.” You felt your anger that you’d suppressed for so long begin to surface. “It’s me or the band.” You leaned forward, catching his eyes as he tried to look away from you.

“I get it, okay!” He finally exploded, likely feeling the same way you did. “I know what I did wasn’t right. I’ve spent a year and a half trying to forgive myself for it. But you were so caught up in being mad that you didn’t even stop to think about how I felt!” Rarely did you ever see Josh yell, let alone expel frustration the way he was doing in that moment. You were taken back, but not distracted from your feelings.

“Then tell me!” You pleaded. “You wouldn’t even look at me that night! All you said was you didn’t have anything to say to me, but clearly you do, so say it!”

“Fine, you want to hear it?” He asked, leaning forward, too. “I love, but I don’t fall in love with people. Never have. Thought it was too much commitment for such a short lifetime. I spent my entire life completely fine with never settling down. Then I met you, and you changed everything! I didn’t even get to decide whether I fell in love with you or not. By the time I started to realize how much you meant to me, I was already head over heels. I spent every day of my life, for three years, falling more in love with you every day that passed; I changed my whole outlook because you showed up and made me realize maybe I just hadn’t met the right person, and that’s why I never wanted to commit. We moved in together, and I started picturing this life with you, one where you had my last name and we had a few kids. Then you left. You just came home one day and said you were leaving, as if it weren’t an earth-shattering idea. I was so mad because you changed my entire life, and then you took it away!” You understood better, now. He felt abandoned, and you caused it. He never would have admitted it to you then, and he barely wanted to, now. Still, the idea of him thinking you were going to walk away and forget all about him stung like no other.

“I didn’t leave you, Josh. I left Nashville!” You exclaimed. “I never pictured a life without you, and I still don’t! I sit at my apartment alone and hope that maybe you’ll text me, or call, or show up! But you never did, so I had to learn how to deal with it!”

“It was the same thing, y/n! You left me behind for a whole new life. If we didn’t break up that night, we would have anyway!” You’re recoiled as if he’d burned you. “I didn’t call because you were perfectly fine leaving me here! You jumped on that plane and got to start over, and I got to sleep in a bed that haunted me with your presence!”

“It wasn’t the same, Josh.” You shook your head. “I sat at home in that apartment every day when you were touring the world, watching you live your dream from the sidelines. Watching girls throw themselves at you, always wondering if maybe I’d wake up one day and you’d find someone new. I waited for you, watching your life through a phone screen while I worked my shitty 9-5 and settled for video calls whenever you had time for me. Not once did I make you feel like shit about it. But the minute I get a chance at the life I’ve always dreamed of, it was a choice? One or the other? It wasn’t fucking fair, Josh. How was I supposed to stay after that?”

“You started dating me knowing that was my life! I spent three years with you building one of our own, one that we were used to, and comfortable with, one where we were happy. You came home one day and told me you’re getting on a plane and leaving for god knows how long. There was no discussion, I just had to be okay with it!” He was leaning closer with every word. Your faces were inches apart, both of you radiating with anger and on the defensive.

“Of course you were, Josh! You were my boyfriend! I told you I got invited to model in New York Fashion Week, and you made me feel like I didn’t have it in me, like you were already waiting for me to fail and come crawling back to you! You let me walk out that door like the three years we spent together meant nothing to you. Like you were only okay with being in love with me as long as it benefited you.” Tears were brimming in your eyes, the ache of the pain from that night still as prominent as it was a year prior. “You knew how much it meant to me. It was my biggest dream, one that I thought I would never achieve. I finally had a chance to live the life I always wanted, which still in included you, by the way, but you were too stubborn to understand anything other than your hurt. I would have came home every weekend to see you, called you every night, I would have done anything, because you were my whole world! You were supposed to support me, and you left me! I walked out that night, but you made that decision!” The tears spilled on to your cheeks, finally shed after so long holding them back. In the heat of the moment, at the sight of your hurt, he threw the anger and the fighting to the side. Without hesitation, his arms shot out and pulled you into a hug. You didn’t fight, just held him, too. As upset as you were, you knew that his hold was something you’d been longing for the whole time you were apart. The way he felt wrapped around you made you believe that the world was okay; the comfort was an impenetrable force.

“I never wanted to make you feel that way.” He whispered, holding your head securely in his palm. He used his other one to rub circles on your back. “I will always be your biggest fan, even if we never speak again after tonight. I’m so proud of you, and I can’t stress that enough. I was selfish, and I know that. You did so much for me, you always supported me, and I took it for granted. I was hurt when you left, but I never should have let you leave like that. I should have been there for you, cheering you on the same way you did for me.” He hesitated, but placed a kiss to the top of your head. When you didn’t recoil, he took it as a win. “I’m so sorry, y/n.”

“I am, too.” You said, the tears finally slowing. You pulled back, although quite hesitant in the action. He let you, but didn’t remove his hand from you. Instead, his thumb drifted to your cheek to wipe away the tears that had fallen. “It was never from a lack of love, Josh. When it comes to you, that’s not even a possibility. Breaking up with you was never an idea in my head. The distance didn’t scare me, because I knew I loved you enough to work through anything. When you wanted me to choose, I panicked. I was hurt, and I reacted based on that. I shouldn’t have walked out without fixing things. That was my mistake.”

“No, y/n. I shouldn’t have put you in that position, and I never should have let you leave like that. I was hurting and I was scared, I thought you would leave and forget about me. I didn’t want to lose you, but I ended up losing you, anyway, and I still haven’t recovered. It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” You leaned into his touch, resting your head on his hand.

“Josh, I fell in love with you the day I met you. That never changed. I still walk around New York City, hoping I run into you, praying it won’t be like this forever. Your memory lives in everything I do; I couldn’t forget about you, even if I wanted to. Trust me, I’ve tried.” You laughed. “You’re the love of my life, whether it was only for a period of time or if we still have a chance. Nobody could ever replace you.”

“I never moved out of the apartment. It’s still decorated the same. It still has little reminders of you, everywhere. I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of them. Jake thinks I’m insane, or I’m torturing myself. I guess I just thought you’d come back for them, someday.” He confessed. “I still love you the same as I did a year ago.”

“Me, too.” You closed your eyes, hoping to hold on to the memory of his words forever. “So we’ve both been waiting for each other to come back this whole time? We’ve just been too stubborn to send a message first?”

“Yeah,” he laughed. “Both of us watching the others lives through social media, the most impersonal way possible.”

“You looked so happy. I was worried you were happier without me.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes at the statement.

“See? Impersonal. I’ve been miserable, mama.” Your heart soared at the term of endearment. You reached for your champagne glass, taking a sip, careful not to let your eyes leave him.

“Yeah, me too.” You eventually laughed. “We don’t have to be miserable, anymore. Not tonight, at least.” You said, wanting to blame the advance on the alcohol, but knowing deep down that it was wholly untrue.

“Are you saying what I think you are?” He raised an eyebrow. The Josh you knew so well was starting to make an appearance, again. You gave a shrug.

“I have a room upstairs with free room service. King bed, too.” He looked at you with intrigue, wanting to jump at the chance but still being afraid your judgement was clouded. He didn’t want you to regret it in the morning.

“There’s probably still a lot we could get off our chests. Did you want to talk more, first? I just want you to be sure this is what you want.” You stood, drinking the last of the liquid from your glass and moving on to the next.

“Fuck, Josh, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. We can figure it out in the morning. I haven’t had sex in a year and a half, and I’m tired of waiting. I want you.” He took a deep inhale at the words, fighting the urge to take your clothes off right there. He stood, too, grabbing his own champagne glasses. He had no fight left in him, because he wanted you just as bad.

“Lead the way, mama.” For a moment, things felt right. Like no time had passed and you were both the same people as you were before all of the hurt. You turned on your heels, heading back to the door you came through, earlier. He was hot on your trail, not willing to let you leave his sight.

You slipped back inside, noticing the speeches had come to a close and the lights were off. The music was louder and the mood lighting really set the tone for the rest of the night. If you weren’t in such an entanglement, you thought you might enjoy it. But, you were certain that the nights events would top whatever enjoyment the ballroom could give you. You dropped off your empty glasses on the way by, watching Josh discard his, too. You reached out for him, looking back over your shoulder. He tangled his fingers with yours, over the moon at the feeling after so long without it. You guided him to the exit, managing to sneak out without too many curious glances. Liz, however, noticed you as soon as you came back inside. Josh’s brothers did, too. All of them were well aware that it wasn’t over between the two of you, and it never would be. They were waiting for the reunion just as much as the two of you were.

You both ran down the hallway to the elevator, giggles slipping out intermittently. When the doors opened, allowing you inside, Josh jumped at the moment of seclusion. His hand found your waist, pulling you into him like it was the most natural thing in the world. His free hand guided your chin upwards, finally taking the chance to lean down and kiss you. You melted into the feeling, closing your eyes in bliss. It was sweet, no provocative nature present. Just both of you savouring the moment in which you’d been denied of for months. When the ding signified your destination was reached, his wandering hands were reluctant to pull away. Thankfully, your room wasn’t too far away, meaning he wouldn’t have to wait too long to continue.

You keyed into your room, barely getting the door closed before he was back on you. You both kicked off your shoes, leading him further inside before things got too heated. You parted from him to click on the lamp by your bedside. He took the chance to admire you, now. No more residual tension was clouding his vision. “You look stunning, y/n.” You turned to him, a smile on your lips.

“You look pretty good yourself, Joshua.” He approached again, slower and more cautious. He raised his hand to your cheek, brushing away all of the hair obscuring the sight of your face.

“Has it really been that long?” He didn’t need to clarify; you knew what he was asking. You gave a nod, hoping you didn’t have to dive into it too far. In truth, you didn’t want to hear a submission of guilt from him. If he’d been with other people in your time apart, it was his free will, and you couldn’t be upset about it. There was no disloyalty of any kind, but you certainly didn’t want to imagine it.

“I guess it never felt right. Always felt like I was still yours, I think.” You shrugged. He smiled at the words, overjoyed at the profession.

“Me either,” he said, running his thumb over your cheek. “I was always yours, too.” You let out a sigh of relief, almost feeling the need to cry again. The entire night felt so surreal, almost as if you were dreaming.

“God, please tell me this is real life. I don’t want to wake up disappointed.” You pleaded. He chuckled, finding the statement quite cute.

“It’s real, mama. Trust me, I feel the same way.” He leaned down, kissing you once more. Your hand reached for him, landing somewhere on his side. You didn’t care where it landed, only that you were touching him again. “Sounds like we’ve got a lot of time to make up for.” He stated, pulling back just enough to get the words out. A laugh fell from your lips, one that was quiet and still laced with disbelief. “Turn around for me.” You obliged, spinning to face the other direction.

His fingers drifted over your exposed skin, gathering your hair and pushing it to the side. He unzipped your dress, gently brushing the silk straps from your shoulders. He leaned forward pressing his lips to the spots they once graced. You let out a hum of delight, closing your eyes at the sensation. He let you decide whether you wanted to let the fabric fall, and you did. It dropped with as much elegance as it held while you adorned it on your body. He bent down, waiting for you to step away from it. Once you did, he cautiously picked it from the ground, gently laying it over the chair by the bedside. Once it was safely out of the way, he finally turned to look at you again. His breath caught in his throat, completely taken off guard at the sight of you naked before him once again.

“My beautiful girl,” he whispered, taking a step towards you. You were standing, completely naked aside from your underwear, at full disposal for whatever he chose to do with you. There was no worry in your body; the minute his hands found you again, you were certain you’d found home, again. After so long wandering through life, gaining success but never really feeling like you belonged, it made sense again. All of the money and the fame was satisfying, but never fulfilling. His touch reminded you of why everybody loved to say money can’t buy happiness. There was no financial value that would ever equate to the feeling of being loved by Josh. If you were put on earth for a purpose, it was to be loved by him, and to love him. Nobody could look at you and see right into your soul the way he could; he knew every part of you without even looking or having to ask. “Lay down, baby.” He insisted.

You allowed him to guide you down on the bed, your head finding home in the nest of pillows. He rid himself of his jacket, and his shirt wasn’t long following. You watching him in awe, not being able to comprehend how one boy could posses so much beauty. It was in everything he did, his words, his actions, his appearance. He was perfect. He slipped out of his pants, climbing in bed with you. He pulled you into his arms, just enjoying the intimacy for a moment. Eventually, you were both stripped naked and tangled in each others limbs. As heated as the journey to your room was, sex was no longer the most pressing thought in your heads. You found yourself lost in chatter, laughing and giggling at stories you’d been longing to tell each other for the last year. In between, there were stolen kisses; some short, and others laced with neediness. No sexual gratification would compare to the emotional connection you started to restore.

Eventually, he found himself laying between your legs, mouth exploring the spots on your neck he was aching to reunite with. Every so often, his teeth or tongue would grace over a sensitive area, pushing a breathy moan from your lips. The sounds were heavenly, ones he thought he’d never get the chance to hear again. “I want you, Josh.” You sighed, finally growing restless after the hours of relentless teasing.

“Tell me what you want, gorgeous.” He hummed against your collarbone.

“You. I don’t care, anything, please.” You sighed, not caring about the desperation. You felt him smile against you, clearly pleased with the state you were in.

“You want me to touch you?” He asked, fingers ghosting over your rib cage, sending a jolt of electricity through.

“Please,” he brought the pad of his thumb to your nipple, brushing it over you. He watched as you drew in a shaky breath. If there was one thing you knew about Josh, it was that he loved viewing sex as a marathon. If you were to let him, he’d go all night, dragging it out as much as possible. Tonight, you couldn’t take it. He could tell how you were feeling without you saying it aloud, not finding it in himself to push you any further. He let his hand drift downwards, shifting his weight onto one side so he had better access to you. He slipped his fingers between your legs, running them through you and getting a feel for your arousal. Your back arched at the feeling, it was familiar yet almost foreign.

“All of this for me, pretty girl?” He asked, running your wetness up to your clit. He slowly rubbed circles, just light enough to allow you to adjust to the feeling. You muttered a curse under your breath, almost having forgotten how acquainted he was with your body. His fingers kept a steady pace, gradually applying more pressure as he continued on. His eyes remained on your face, wishing to engrave your expression into every part of his brain so he could never forget it.

As his hand explored you, his lips did, too. His mouth drifted across your exposed stomach, trailing kisses all over the skin. Eventually, he worked his way up to your breasts, pulling a hardened nipple into his mouth, grazing his teeth and tongue over it, begging for a reaction. When he heard a whine fall from your lips, he closed his eyes in satisfaction. He slipped his finger down towards your entrance, moving his thumb to your clit in place. He pushed his middle and ring finger inside you, starting at an agonizingly slow pace. His thumb brushed over your clit with every pump of his fingers. The sensation was much more intense than you remembered it, maybe because of the depravity of the feeling, or because you missed him so much.

The sex was slow, much slower than it used to be. Both of you wanted to savour the experience as much as you could. But the praise, the words, even the way he worshiped you like you were the most beautiful thing to walk the earth was all the same. Neither of you allowed any of the negativity to change the way you appreciated each other. You’d been with plenty of people before Josh, but never any who loved you in the way he did. Every touch was sacred, filled with love and tenderness, even if the act wasn’t supposed to feel that way. As stupid as you felt about waiting so long for him, you were thankful you did. Nobody could make you feel the way he did. The wait just resulted in the usual pleasure being escalated by a thousand.

“Does that feel good, mama?” He asked, finally pausing his assault on your breasts. He looked up to you, eyelids heavy and lust clouding his pupils.

“So good, Josh.” You sighed, looking down to meet his gaze. He gave you a lazy smile, content at the confirmation.

“Did you miss me?” He questioned, his tone dropping slightly. He curled his fingers upward with the next movement, causing a gasp to fall from you. “Hmm?” He hummed, still waiting for you to answer.

“Missed you so much.” You admitted, eyelids fluttered closed at the pleasure he was causing.

“Think she missed me, too.” He muttered, eyes flowing down towards his hand working into your cunt. You swallowed hard at the words, taken off guard by the cockiness but knowing he was speaking truth. His jaw clenched, clearly pleased with the sight. He was good at putting his pleasure aside to ensure yours, but you knew him well enough to recognize what his expression meant. He’d been depraved of this, too, and the view was driving him insane. “Right?” He asked for clarification, his chest rising at his deep inhale.

“Yeah,” you whispered, a pressure beginning to build in your belly.

“She knows she belongs to me.” He hummed. Your face flushed at the statement, unsure where the possessiveness was coming from. That was something quite new; before, he always acted as though the access to your body was a gift. The simple statement dripped with entitlement, but you didn’t mind. He was right. No matter how much distance between you, or how much time passed, you were his. You didn’t mind the claim in the slightest. In fact, you enjoyed it.

“Fuck, Josh,” you let your head fall back on the pillows, the knot in your stomach tightening more with every second that passed.

“Yeah?” He beamed, knowing exactly what the warning was for. “Look at me, mama. Wanna see that pretty face while you cum.” He pleaded. You were in no state to deny him the request, eyes falling back on him. He was watching you, desperate to see your expression. His movements remained steady, gently coaxing the orgasm from you. Your mouth fell open slightly, a sharp inhale sounding as the pressure peaked and sent you into a down-spiral. You managed his name through the intense wave of moans, eyes squeezed shut and all of your muscles tensed. He rode you through it, whispering notes of encouragement as you were clenched around his hand.

When you relaxed against him, he let out a long breath. The tail end dissolved into a groan, absolutely floored at the sight he had just experienced. “Was that good, baby?” He asked, slowly pulling his fingers from you. You sighed at the loss of contact, still yearning for more.

“So, so good, Josh.” You didn’t mind fuelling his ego, because it was well deserved. At first, you wanted to blame the quickness of your orgasm on the length of time it had been since you had one. Deep down, you knew it wasn’t true. Josh had the ability to make you cum simply by looking at you with enough intent. It had everything to do with him, and you knew nobody else could ever affect you in the same way.

“Can’t believe you had nobody to take care of you for so long,” he let out a disapproving tsk, slowly sinking down further on the bed. “All of those New York boys really missed out.” His soft lips grazed over the inside of your thigh. “A woman like you deserves more than that.” His teeth sunk into the flesh, causing you to jump at the sudden sensation. “What was it, mama? Couldn’t find anyone to fuck you right?” Your jaw clenched at the profanity of his statement. You were well aware that he was only messing with you just for show, so you played into his game.

“Mhm,” you agreed. “Nobody could fuck me like you, Josh.” You told him, lowering your tone. The muscle in his jaw tensed at the confession.

“No?” He asked, lips dangerously close to your heat. “My poor baby.” He sympathized, his facial hair gently tickling the skin of your legs. “I’ll always treat you right, honey.”

“Mhm,” you hummed, agreeing with him.

“Y’know I’ll give you whatever you want, whenever you want it. Always fuck you like you just how you like it.” The teasing was torturous; you needed him more than you needed water. It wasn’t a desire, it was necessary for survival.

“I know you will, baby.” You breathed, your sultry tone quickly dissolving into whiny.

“That’s why you’ll always come home to me, right?” He asked, dipping his head even closer to your cunt. “You know who you belong to, beautiful.” You gave a nod of desperation. “Wanna hear you say it, mama.”

“You, Josh. I’m all yours. Only yours.” You promised. A smile graced his face.

“Sounds so pretty when you say it like that.” He was trying not to sound needy himself; his mouth was practically watering at the sight before him. He almost felt wrong teasing you in such a way, because he was certain he was more desperate for you than he’d ever been. “I’d treat you better than that. I’d fuck you every day if I could, just to make sure you know what you deserve. Just to make sure you were happy.” He explained, feeling his guilt resurface. You felt your heart ache at the statement, the words reminding you that as good as you felt, things weren’t the same as they used to be. He saw the emotion flash across your face, realizing how his statement may have come off in a context he didn’t intend. “I can, and I will, if you’ll let me.” He let down the act for a moment, fully letting you see into his heart.

“Yeah,” you managed to muster out. “I’d like that.” He couldn’t hold back the look of happiness that forced its way onto his face.

“Be mine again, baby. Promise I’ll make up for everything. I’ll never let you get away again.” He whispered, but he was pleading with you. There was no way he could walk away from you after this. It would kill him.

“Okay,” you agreed, no hesitation present. It wasn’t the alcohol, or the sex talking. You wanted him, and you were certain of that before you’d even spoken to him. Maybe everybody else was right, you thought. This wasn’t one of those things that you couldn’t walk away from. If you did, you’d be 80 years old and still wondering what it would be like to love him again. When it came to Josh, it was never over. Just a wrong turn that ultimately led you back to the same destination.

He let the thought settle in his soul; no more yearning for someone he wasn’t sure he would ever have again. The universe had granted him another chance, and he’d be damned if he took it for granted a second time. You were his again, and he was yours, as if that was ever untrue in the first place. He wasted no more time, slipping his arms under your thighs and pulling you down on his mouth. He let his tongue run through you, savouring the feeling and moaning against you. He was eating you as if he was a starved man offered his first meal in weeks. In his eyes, he was. Being depraved of the home he’d found between your legs was a terrible feeling, and he never wanted to feel it again.

You let a moan out, your hands snaking down to his hair. You noticed the lack of it on the sides, understanding that it would be hard to get used to. Instead of focusing on the difference, you tangled your fingers in the hair still atop his head, losing yourself to the familiarity of his tongue. You couldn’t help but admire him through the waves of pleasure, the way he got enjoyment out of making you feel good, how pretty he looked with his head nestled between your thighs. You noticed the way his hips would grind into the mattress, just enough to give him a bit of relief, or the way he was completely lost in you, not having a notice for anything other that what was in front of him. You had no doubt he would stay there forever, if you let him.

He pulled back for a moment, just to catch another look of your face. “Taste so good, baby. Even better than I remember.” He slipped his thumb in place of his tongue, just so he didn’t lose the progress he was making. “Missed having you like this. Thought about it every fucking night.”

“I thought about it too, all of the time.” You sighed, mesmerized by the emotion he adorned in his eyes. He returned his other fingers to you, pumping them in time with his thumb for a moment. He studied you for a while before he returned to work with his mouth. The combined feeling of him pumping his fingers into you, and his tongue focused on your clit was overwhelming.

You were nearing a second orgasm, desperate for him to keep going. He could sense it in your breathing, the tugs at his hair, and the profanities you were expelling every so often. He remained steady, curling his fingers every so often in attempt to find the spot inside you he knew so well. He hit a particularly sensitive spot, causing your hips to buck forward. He didn’t have to say it aloud for you to know he enjoyed it; a groan produced from deep in his chest, his fingers attempting to get the same reaction from you again. You closed your eyes, unable to focus on anything other than the knot tightening in your belly.

“Josh,” you breathed, a verbal warning that you were close. He hummed against you, encouraging you. Your head fell back, blissfully unaware of anything other than the feeling of his tongue. Soon after, you were coming undone again, crying his name and quickly dissolving into a mess. He coaxed you through it, more dedicated to making you feel good rather than getting the satisfaction of seeing your face.

When you came down, he didn’t ease up; his tongue was still determined, fingers never slowing. Even in the burning oversensitivity, you couldn’t help but still enjoy the moment. You were certain that after 18 long months, he could cause you nothing but physical pain and you’d still enjoy it, just because he was the one doing it. Part of you wished he never had to stop, because you never wanted to come down from the high of the intimacy. The overpowering sensation was driving you insane, the previous orgasm never really having a chance to dissipate before the next began to bloom. The noises you were making were filthy, pornographic, almost. Josh was almost praying the walls were thinner than they appeared, cocky enough to know how good he was making you feel and egotistical enough to want everyone to know it.

When your third orgasm was begging you to let go, you couldn’t even get the words out to warn him. Your knuckles were white against the hold on his hair, all of your muscles rigid and lungs aching for a full breath. It took little time for you to reach your peak, panting heavily and glistening with a thin layer of sweat. This time, he slowed his movements as your body relaxed. He removed his tongue first, followed by his fingers once he knew you were back to earth. “There you go, mama.” He sighed. His lips ghosted over your torso as he inched his way up your body. “That’s all you needed, hmm?” He hummed, sucking a few marks into your collarbone. “Someone to take care of you,” his head nuzzled back into the crook of your neck, mouth exploring the area once again. “Someone who knows how to make you feel good?” His moustache tickled the sensitive skin, causing a tired giggle to fall from you. You could feel him smile against you in response to the sound.

“I want you, Josh.” You said. As fantastic as he was making you feel, your patience was non-existent. It had been too long since you’d had him, and you didn’t feel willing to wait any longer. He lifted his head from your neck, eyes scanning your face for a moment. His lips upturned into a smirk, likely feeling similar.

“You want me?” He whispered, already shifting between your legs for a better position. You gave him a nod. “How bad, beautiful?”

“So bad, baby. It’s been so long.” You admitted, not willing to challenge him in the slightest. His fingers gently grazed over your hips, a moment of innocent love before such a dirty act. He pulled you towards him, grabbing your legs and guiding them over his shoulders. The excitement brewing in your stomach was barely containable.

“Been so good for me, mama. Won’t make you wait any longer.” He promised. You felt his hand leave you, moving down to guide himself towards your entrance. Without another word, he pushed himself inside you. You both let out a sigh of relief, finally feeling at peace with each other. The battle of experiencing so much pent up love with nowhere to channel it had come to an end; the solution to the issue being clear the whole time, but only now was it truly acknowledged. You needed each other, and no distance would change that. There was no separation or heartbreak big enough to rid yourselves of the connection you had. You both knew that before the night dissolved into the current situation, but it was only solidified further once you both felt what it was like to be reunited in such a way. There was no way you could walk away from each other again.

His hips moved slowly, the only motive being the need to feel the closeness. The movements were barely stimulating, but more than pleasurable to you both. “God, y/n.” He hissed, sucking in a long breath through his teeth. He pulled you closer to him by your thighs, thrusting as he did so and causing a gasp from you. “Feel so fucking good.” He picked up the pace, realizing he was only torturing you both. The memory of him inside you was nothing in comparison to the real thing. The angle allowed the tip of his cock to brush your cervix, sending a jolt of electricity through you each time. “Wish I could have you like this forever.”

“Me, too.” You groaned, your hand reaching out in desperation for his. He met your gesture, pulling your hand into his and resting them on your thigh. His eyes were closed, intently focusing on his movements, making sure he kept a steady rhythm. The low light of the lamp was casted over his face, allowing you to really admire his beauty. The slight furrow of his eyebrows, the tension in his jaw as he fucked into you, his lips that always looked so soft and inviting. He was a masterpiece, and you felt lucky to even be able to experience him in such a way. His free hand found your breast, at first just a gentle acknowledgment, but then he took your nipple between his fingers and applied a bit of pressure. The shock lit up your face, causing him to give you a small smirk. As much as he loved to please you, he loved to be an asshole, too.

It was all in the nature of the relationship; the time that passed didn’t change the dynamic. You both still seemed to be on the same wavelength, remembering what the other liked, incorporating small humorous expressions and actions to lighten the intensity. You were grateful that he was still so familiar to you. It took the nervousness away, and made sex feel lighthearted and carefree. There was never a worry of embarrassment or fear of judgement. He was your best friend, still, after everything, and he was making sure you knew that. The same goofy, sweet boy from the beginning.

You could tell he was growing bored with the position. As much as he loved the feeling, you knew what he wanted, and you were fully willing to give it to him. “Lay down,” you told him. His eyes connected with yours, an unspoken question of certainty. You gave a nod, and he didn’t wasn’t any time pulling out of you. He collapsed onto the bed beside you, turning towards you and practically pulling you on top of him. He had a grin plastered across his face, cheeks a bit rosy and eyelids heavy.

“You know me so well.” He said softly, almost as if he were talking to himself.

“You act like you’re the only one who enjoys this position.” You rolled your eyes.

“I know you do, but I really like it.” His excitement was clear in his face. You couldn’t help but smile, too.

“Yeah, ‘cause you don’t have to do any work.” You joked, securing your legs on either side of him. You lifted yourself up, reaching down to guide him back into you.

“No, ‘cause you look so pretty on top of me.” He answered, tone of voice matching yours. His hands found your hips, slowly bringing you down on him. “I’d be happy to do the work as long as I get to see you like this.” You couldn’t find the words to reply, already lost in the new position, revelling in the angle and depth he was reaching inside you. You began to roll your hips on him, slowly catching up to speed. “Oh, and because I can do this, now.” He reached around, pinching your ass between his index finger and his thumb. Your eyes widened, giving him a look of bewilderment. He gave a chuckle, keeping his hand there and gently running his thumb over the spot he’d just hurt.

“Not being very nice to someone who’s trying to get you off,” you grumbled. He erupted into a real laugh, giving his head a small shake.

“Don’t have to try very hard, mama. Never did.” He joked, but there was a hint of truth to the statement. “But, I suppose I could be a little nicer. Since you’re being so good to me.” He brought his free hand up to your cheek, brushing the hair from your face. You leaned into his palm, closing your eyes in content. You were still moving your hips, just enough to satisfy the craving while he joked with you. It felt so natural, so familiar. It felt like home.

“You’ll be nice for a while, then you’ll do something to piss me off again. It’s just what you do.” You giggled, remembering his constant antics to get on your nerves. It was intolerable by times, but always in the most loving and sincere way possible.

“You love me.” He stated, in a completely relaxed, natural way. Your breath caught in your throat at the word, surprised that it made an appearance again so soon. He said it as if he’d never stopped saying it in the first place. He finally noticed what he said, expression losing its humour almost instantly. “I hope you do, at least.” He mumbled.

“I do,” you whispered, nodding your head. “I really do.” You were overcome with emotion, swallowing back the tears begging to be shed at the statement. The high intensity of the emotions in the room were unimaginable, and they hadn’t subsided all night. A small smile graced his lips as a laugh filled with relief sounded from him.

“God, it’s been so long since I’ve heard you say that.” He guided your head down, connecting your mouths in a gesture of gratitude. “Too long.” He mumbled against your lips. You pulled back just enough to speak clearly.

“I’ll say it again, if you really want me to.” You grinned.

“Please, baby.” He begged, wanting to hear the actual words.

“I love you,” you breathed, happy to finally be able to tell him again.

“I love you.” He replied, bringing you into another kiss, much more desperate than the last. As he did so, he suddenly seemed to remember where you were and what you were in the middle of. Without breaking away from you, he thrusted upwards with force. The impact caused you to let a moan slip into his mouth, only fuelling him further. You raised your hips slightly, allowing him to move with ease. He took it as an invitation, repeating his earlier action and continuing with a steady pace.

You parted with him, catching your breath. You straightened up, placing a hand on his chest to support your balance as he fucked you. You let out a slur of curses, indirect praise for the work he was doing. You moved your hips in time with his, greedy for more. He dropped his hands back to your waist, fingers gripping at the flesh like he’d gone feral. As much as you liked to tease him, you liked the position just as much as he did. There was something that drove you crazy about him under you, the freedom of his hands in which he used expertly. Plus, the pleasure he got from it fuelled yours, too. You were certain you could spend the rest of your life doing nothing but pleasing him and be happy while doing it.

His hips stuttered and he let out a low groan, the telltale sign he was getting close. It had been a long time for both of you, the stamina barely existing on either part. He held you still, wordlessly telling you to slow down. You fought against the hold, not caring if he came or not. In fact, you were hoping he would. He’d been generous in the orgasm department with you, and you were eager to do the same for him. “Slow down, mama.” He warned.

“It’s okay,” you assured him.

“Don’t want it to be over yet.” He admitted, catching your gaze.

“S’okay, baby.” You repeated. “I have this room all weekend.” He eyed you with an emotion you couldn’t quite place, like he was already thinking about the luxury of fucking you again. Like he was making a list of how many places around the room he could have you in. In a split-second decision, his fingers shot to your clit, finding it without any issue.

“Gotta cum with me, then. You know the rules.” He ordered. You have a nod, a hum of pleasure sounding straight from your chest. He stopped your movements, allowing him to set the pace and ensuring his hand didn’t slip from you, either. You locked your hips in place, fully allowing him to do as he pleased with you.

You both knew it wouldn’t take long; the joys of knowing each other so well meant that you knew exactly what to do. He kept his movement steady and consistent, uttering small praise as you allowed him to work at you. The noises falling from your lips graced his ears and settled deep in his chest, begging him to never forget them. “Look at me,” he wanted to sound authoritative, but he was nowhere close to it. Still, you obliged. You caught his eyes, finding yourself lost in them as soon as you did. “Come on, mama. Cum for me.” He begged, both of you knowing he couldn’t last much longer. The intensity grew with each second that passed, your head spinning with pleasure.

“M’gonna,” you moaned, promising to fulfill his request. He let out a groan, the end dissolving into a bit of a growl. The sound alone seemed to be enough to do it for you. “Fuck!” You exclaimed, your climax hitting you hard. You kept a steady hold on his chest, your other hand reaching for his arm for support. He didn’t have the ability to coax you through it; his cock twitched inside you, the sight of you coming undone sending him over the edge. He held you down on him as he spilled his release into you.

“Fuck, y/n,” he groaned, fingers digging into your hips with a promise of lasting bruises. When he came back down from the high, you were both breathless and seeing stars. He released his grip on you, guiding you down to lay on him. “My beautiful girl,” he sighed, placing a kiss to the top of your head.

“I missed you so much.” You confessed, focusing on the drum of his heartbeat against his chest.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.” He admitted, letting his fingers run through your hair. He sounded tired, enveloped in comfort and peace. “I thought about you every day. You never left my mind.”

“I’m sorry I left, Josh. I didn’t want to leave you. Especially like that.”

“I know, mama. I’m sorry for trying to make you stay. It wasn’t fair. I should have supported you no matter what.” He gently scratched your head. You closed your eyes, fully immersed in the intimacy. “I promise I’ll never do anything like that again. I was lucky enough to get a second chance, and I want to do it right, this time.”

“Me, too.” You agreed. “I never want to lose you again. It was a horrible year without you. Yeah, I did great stuff, made a name for myself, but it didn’t really mean a whole lot without someone to share the excitement with. Everybody was talking about me, but I had nobody to talk to. It was lonely without my best friend.”

“I know what you mean. Great things happened, I’m proud of what we accomplished, but I just wanted to be able to come home and tell you all about it. Every time I realized I couldn’t, it all just lost its shine.” You smiled at the statement, thinking he worded it perfectly. Life was fine without Josh, survivable in the least, but he made everything shine. He gave everything just a little bit more novelty. It was dull without him. Lacklustre, even. “Was it too soon to say I love you again?” He asked, finally airing out his anxiety.

“I think I was shocked, hearing it again after so long, but I don’t think it was wrong to say it. We never really stopped being in love; all of it was still there, it just had nowhere to go. If anything, I’m happy you still feel that way, too. Made me feel less stupid.” He didn’t respond, but you could practically feel him smiling. “You never moved out of the apartment?” You remembered he had said it earlier, but you wanted to clarify that you’d heard him right.

“No. Never changed it, either. There’s still shampoo bottles in the shower that belong to you, clothes in the closet, our pictures on the wall. I think I always hoped you’d come back home. Wanted you to know it was still yours, if you ever did.” Your heart ached at his words. You’d both been so stupid, suffering for so long that you both forced yourself to believe you’d forgotten about each other. “And it is. I mean, still yours, if you ever want to come back.” His free hand drifted over your back, fingertips gently ticking the exposed skin. “I know you have a career in New York, and I understand if you can’t, or you don’t want to. If you ever do want to, or change your mind, I’d be more than happy.”

“Thank you,” you wanted to express it in the most sincere way possible. The knowledge that he still wanted you there with him was extremely comforting. You didn’t mind the idea, either.

“But, for now, I’m happy to fly out and see you whenever I can. I’ll call every night, just like I should have from the beginning. I’ll never let you think I forgot about you ever again, or that I don’t believe in you, because neither of those are true.” You placed a kiss to his chest, finally feeling ready to tell him the news. You would have, anyway, but knowing he was willing to make it work even if you lived so far away made it impossible not to tell him.

“Actually, I was wondering if you could give me my key back.” You grinned. His lax stature immediately changed, pulling back just so he could look to see if you were joking. “Now that the line is releasing, and the outlet store is opening here, I’m gonna be in Nashville for a while. On and off, sometimes, but here for the foreseeable future, at least.” The look on his face made it seem like you’d just told him he won the lottery. “I was kind of dreading staying in a hotel, or having to hunt for another lonely apartment.”

“Are you serious?” He asked, still catching up to speed.

“Yeah,” you laughed. “I’d really like to come home, Josh. If that’s what you want, of course.” You felt that the need to go through the motions of dating again were quite silly, especially since you’d spent most of your adult life with him. The brief pause when you were gone didn’t really mean too much. You’d both changed, but clearly not enough to become anything close to strangers.

“Of course I do!” He wrapped you up in a hug, holding you like he’d never get the chance to, again. You both dissolved into a fit of giggles, excited at the idea of building a life together, again.

“I know you have to tour, and that’s okay. I’ll have to be in New York sometimes, too. I can come visit you, wherever you are. If you get some free time, you can come see me, or we can meet in the middle. I don’t care where that is, because if I’m with you, I’m home.” If it was possible to hold you tighter, he did just that. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he mumbled, words muffled due to his face being buried in your hair. “So much, mama.”

“I do think we should probably get cleaned up, though.” You eased into the idea, realizing the state you were both still in.

“A shower?” He asked, hidden implications written all over the question.

“Sure,” you laughed, sitting upright. “But we should do it, like now.”

You both made your way into the bathroom, getting in the shower and cleaning yourselves off. The night turned into the early hours of the morning, but sleep refused to come to either of you. You were too caught up in the stories, the jokes, and the touches, and the sex to care about anything else. More than anything, you were both just content finally being back in each others company. The sunrise barely put a damper on your night of reunion, because you were too immersed in each other to notice it. Too immersed in the overwhelming feeling of finally being at home after an unexplainably long, tiresome day.

[roseofdarknessblog]

Raspberry kisses (Postwar!Levi Ackerman x Reader)

Word count: 3 450

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

Summary: After many hardships that came with a new and much different life in the world after the Rumbling, you and Levi finally own a tea shop.

This story can be read on its own or as a part of my little post-war series: Learn to live again

Raspberry kisses

If somebody asked you, when was the last time you had a truly good and restful sleep, you wouldn't know how to answer. You hated how endless most nights seemed. Mostly when you ended up wandering around the little apartment or simply staring at the ceiling. Or even waiting if such a nightmare would wake up Levi as well. He used to have them more often than you, unfortunately.

And tonight wasn't any different. You were asleep when you felt him tossing around, just seconds before he cried out something you couldn't understand. But he did it loud enough to wake you up, sending your body and mind into a panic mode. When you sat up, reaching for the switch from the little lamp on the nightstand, shivers were running down your back, your eyes searching the room for any kind of danger.

„Y/N...“ Levi got out quietly, breathing hard and rubbing his eyes.

„I'm here, it's fine, it's okay. You're okay.“ With a shaking voice, you moved closer to him and grabbed both of his hands, pulling him into a tight hug. You knew Levi since the time you both lived in the Underground, so by now, you knew more than well what you were supposed to do to help him. „Shhh, it was just another nightmare,“ you whispered into his ear, one of your hands rubbing soothing circles across his bare back. His warm skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat, his whole body trembling against yours.

„You okay?“ The weak, worried tone of his voice shattered your heart.

„Of course I am.“ Reassuring him that you were fine was the key. No matter what he dreamed about, he had to make sure there was nothing wrong with you right after he woke up. „Of course, I am okay, love. Nothing from your dream is real. We're both fine and safe. We're home.“ Your fingers slipped into his hair, your lips pressing tiny kisses to his forehead.

„We were back in Shiganshina...“ Levi whispered, his voice cold and still shaky.

„Did you see Erwin?“

„And every single one of them, too. All their faces.“

To this day, you felt horribly guilty that you didn't take part in that mission. You weren't there when the Scouts went back to the town where it all began and tried retaking Wall Maria. Since you suffered very serious injuries during the encounter with the Female Titan, you were still recovering. And nobody wanted or needed a soldier, who wasn't capable of carrying out every order or fighting without restrictions. So Commander Erwin decided that you would stay behind at the HQ in Trost, waiting for their return. Not in your wildest dreams could you imagine, that only a handful of them would come back. Without him, the Commander who gave you and Levi a chance to leave the Underground and start a different life.

So looking back, Annie almost killing you, when her Titan slammed you into a tree saved your life in the long term.

You gently kissed Levi's forehead, encouraging him to take slow deep breaths alongside you. It usually didn't take long for him to calm down. Once he made sure, that you were still alive and right next to him, he snapped back to reality. Since you got married a few months back, he always checked if you had your wedding band on and if your whole relationship wasn't just a part of another dream. 

„Sorry for waking you up,“ Levi mumbled quietly, laying back down and pulling you down between the sheets with him. It was obvious that his leg was hurting once again since it took him a while to get comfortable and stop shifting. „Will you be able to fall back asleep?“

„Don't stress about that, it's fine.“ You wrapped your arms tightly around his still slightly trembling body, pressing your lips to his neck. As he was holding you tight against him, you could feel how fast his heart was beating. „Everything is okay. I'm right here.“

The gentle silver moonlight was shining into the room through the parted curtains. It was way past midnight, close to four in the morning. The street, to which your bedroom windows were overlooking, was eerily quiet since everyone was home and asleep. There was still time until the start of a brand new late November day. Each day and each night was slowly but surely getting colder, reminding you how close the winter season was.

„Are you in pain?“ you asked as Levi couldn't stay still. „It's the cold, right?“

„Probably.“

Last autumn and winter were hard for Levi. His injuries were hurting much more when the weather outside got cold. At first, you didn't think that his worsening pains had anything in common with the changing seasons. But after one of his surgeries, a doctor told you, that it's normal for many patients in similar conditions.

„More than a year and a half later and those damn missing fingers still hurt,“ Levi sighed resting his chin on top of your head. „It's not as bad as it used to be, but still... it's annoying.“

„Phantom pain...“ you whispered, pressing your lips to his neck again. „It's supposed to disappear with time. At least that's what they told us, right?“ He nodded, straightening his left leg again gritting his teeth in the process.

„They told us a bunch of useless shit so who knows.“

You chuckled quietly, stroking his side and nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck. His bare torso felt so nice and warm underneath you. So soft and still a little unfamiliar, but in the best way possible. The past few months, when you looked at Levi or at yourself, you could see some changes. Not training or living as actively as before, resting way more, and eating much differently than ever before started showing here and there.

Surprisingly, this fact didn't make either one of you angry. Quite the opposite. It felt... strangely therapeutic. Your mind took it as a reassurance from your body that you were finally safe. It was perfectly okay to lay around when you felt like it or eat as much as your heart desired. Putting on some weight was an incredible feeling since both you and Levi knew how it felt like to almost starve to death.

„We'll probably have a long day. Fridays are always busy,“ you said after a moment of silence, your eyes slowly closing again.

„Gabi and Falco are coming to help us out, they don't have school for some reason.“

„Really? That's lovely, I always miss them.“ Those two loved coming here to visit you and Levi. Falco was still trying and failing in chess against your husband, who loved kicking the boy's ass every single time. But Falco's determination to win was simply adorable.

For the past five months, you and Levi put all your time and energy into the tea shop he always dreamed about. Opening it wasn't easy, mainly because Levi didn't think it was a good idea with all of his disabilities. He didn't trust himself enough to run his own business.

However, he wasn't alone – he had you, his loving wife and his biggest supporter. And together, you were taking care of the small shop, which helped with your healing even more than you hoped it would. Having something, that was solely your responsibility felt amazing. Sometimes stressful, but rewarding at the same time.

Coming home every evening and feeling tired because of work felt strangely liberating. Running the tea shop truly made you feel that you had a firm grasp of your life and future. After years of feeling uncertain if you'll live another day or week, having this kind of security and calmness felt like a true gift.

„These are the last ones,“ Falco said, handing you a couple more little card boxes you were stocking up in the back of the little kitchen. Since you were selling different kinds of cookies and pastry as well, they were perfect for packing up all the orders for your customers.

You smiled over your shoulder at the boy. „Thank you so much.“

While Gabi loved helping serve the customers or simply chatting with Levi when there was no work, Falco loved spending time in the back with you. Helping you complete orders or even with some baking for the shop. Your cooking and baking skills were never the best, but since Onyankopon decided to teach you many of his favorite recipes, you were very slowly getting better and better.

Not long ago you tried to offer some of your bakings to the customers and to your surprise, they loved it. A whole tray of lemon cookies sold out in a couple of hours. So since then, you tried experimenting more and more, relying a little less on the bakery that supplied you with other delicious treats.

„What's the matter, Falco? You seem distracted. Did something happen with Gabi?“

He shook his head, leaning against the counter. „I miss Colt a lot these days. Like... I miss him all the time but lately, it's more...“

„I get it,“ you said, seeing how he struggled with finding the right words. „I'm sure he's happy that you have such a calm and safe life now. And that you and Gabi are sticking together.“

Colt Grice, Falco's older brother, was a complete stranger to you. The two of you never even met, but you knew so much about him thanks to Falco. He made sure to tell you everything about his brother, who tragically died when Falco was turned into a Titan for the very first time. Just a moment before he ate Porco Galliard and became the new Jaw Titan. You didn't know that man either, but once again, Falco made sure to tell you a lot of things about him. And in a way, your heart was breaking for all of them – all the former Marleyan Warriors, who once wanted you dead. Under different circumstances, you all could have been friends.

„Will it really get easier after more time?“ he asked, looking at you curiously with his hazel eyes. He sounded truly troubled over his own thoughts.

With a sigh, you came closer to him and leaned against the counter right next to him. You hugged him around the shoulders and pulled him closer. „Everybody says it does, so I guess we just have to wait and see for ourselves. I don't want to lie to you, so I'm not going to sugarcoat it. You're not a little kid anymore.“

„I wish I was.“

„I bet you do.“

It surprised you when he leaned against you for a few moments. Both Falco and Gabi became very close to you and Levi. In a way, they reminded you of the 104th kids when you first got to meet them all those years before, after they joined the Survey Corps. And remembering how both of them fought in the final battle alongside you still made you a little emotional. They came a long way and learned a lot. In a very harsh way but... life back then was all about suffering and pain.

„Guess I'll go...“ Falco said quietly in a sad tone, looking into the ground.

„No, no! Wait a second!“ you blurted out and pulled Falco into a tight hug, stroking his hair and kissing the top of his head. „It's okay to feel like this. You lost your brother, friends, your homeland... it's normal to be sad and confused even after a year and a half. We're all adjusting. What we saw and did was horrible and nobody has the right to blame us, that we sometimes still feel sad and have the need to grieve what we lost.“

He nodded a few times, not saying anything in return. He truly was a great and wise kid. You didn't have to worry about him, he would get through all of this and live a happy life. That much was certain.

„You can talk to me or Levi anytime you want, okay?“ Falco nodded again and gave you a little smile. „Now, let's see what those two are up to.“ With a smile, you ruffled his hair and both of you left the kitchen in the back of the tea shop.

When you walked into the main area of the shop, you found Gabi sitting behind the cash register, eating the last chocolate cupcake you had available. But since it was almost closing time anyway, it was fine. They both loved finishing any pastry that was left at the end of the day, it was probably their favorite part of the day spent here.

„Where's Levi?“ you asked her, seeing his wheelchair empty and left behind the counter.

„Outside, talking to some kids,“ Gabi said with her mouth full, a tiny bit of chocolate frosting on the tip of her nose.

„Careful, you'll get the frosting all over your face,“ you chuckled and looked over at Falco, who went to pick up one of the last raspberry cookies, which you baked this morning. Until now, you've only done them at home for you and Levi, so today was their big premiere in the shop. Seeing them almost all gone made you more than happy.

„I'll go check on him, can you stay here?“ you asked those two and headed for the door.

Today was another good day. Many people came to have tea and something sweet right here, or just buy something and take it back home to enjoy later. It really didn't matter. The most important thing was, that they kept coming back. You were earning a good amount of money for your household, but it was also possible to put some money aside.

But the most important thing was, that doing this job and having this place was helping both Levi and you heal in many different ways. You loved seeing him interact with the customers. And even more, you loved seeing how lovely and respectfully they acted towards your husband. Many people loved coming back to have a conversation with him... and Levi didn't mind one bit. Quite the opposite. You could see that it truly made him happy and satisfied with how life turned out.

After so much pain and suffering, he was getting content and comfortable with what the two of you had now.

When you made your way over to the front door, you saw Levi sitting on the bench right outside, talking to a pair of siblings you knew very well. The toy store next to your tea shop belonged to their parents, so the ten-year-old twins used to come over pretty often. Both of them loved talking to Levi and having a cup of their favorite raspberry mint tea, which Levi mixed together, especially for them.

You watched them for a little while until the kid's mom closed the toy store and they all headed home. Both of the boys stopped just before turning the corner, and they waved to Levi one last time. He waved back with his right hand, giving the kids a small smirk.

„They loved your new cookies,“ Levi said even before looking at you.

„I'm not that surprised, they love anything with raspberry flavor,“ you chuckled and came to sit down next to him. „Are you okay? It was a pretty busy day.“ One of your hands came to rest on his right knee, squeezing it lovingly.

„Yeah, I'm fine. Needed to walk around a little, my lower back was hurting from all that damned sitting.“

You nodded understandingly. „Just don't be here for too long, it's cold. I don't want you to get sick.“ Leaning closer, you kissed his cheek, resting your head against his.

„Tch, I don't get sick that easy, you should know that,“ he teased you, wrapping one of his arms around you tightly. „What are those two doing inside?“

„Finishing up the sweets.“ 

„Are they staying for dinner as well?“

„Yeah,“ you nodded, kissing his cheek one more time before standing up. It was way too cold to be sitting outside. „I'll walk them to the train station after dinner, you can stay home and rest.“

„The hell? And let you wander the streets alone in the dark?“

„I can take care of myself,“ you reminded him but knew it was a lost case. He would never let you go to the train station and back alone. Not when it got already dark outside. „Okay, we'll walk them there together. Gabi's father is going to wait for them back home.“

Levi nodded and pushed himself to his feet as well. You reached out your hand towards him, but he didn't take it. So while he slowly limped back to the shop, you stayed close in case he would need to lean against you for support. With gritted teeth, he walked back inside and with a pained expression sat back into his wheelchair. It was very noticeable just how exhausted this short walk made him. But you were glad that he was trying to stay as active as possible.

The sun outside was setting, casting dark shadows over the shop's interior – the little round tables with wooden chairs, pictures on the wall, the counter with the cash register, or the shelves behind it with many kinds of tea. The place always seemed cozy and welcoming, during any time of the day.

„Okay, let's clean up and go home. We'll cook something delicious for dinner. What would you like?“ you asked Gabi and Falco with a smile. Every time they came to visit, you cooked one of their favorite foods. It was a little act of kindness you loved doing for them.

While the two of them were debating on what should be for dinner, Levi reached for your hand and pulled you towards him, making you sit down on his lap. His arms wrapped around your waist tightly, his head resting against your shoulder.

„What is it?“ you asked, running your fingers through his hair.

Levi shook his head and closed his eyes, gently stroking your side. The content and relaxed expression on his lovely face almost melted your heart. There was nothing better than seeing him like this and knowing just how big of a progress he made since the Rumbling.

„I love you so much,“ you whispered, kissing the top of his head. Gabi and Falco were still talking, not minding what the two of you were doing. „And... I just love all of this. Everything we have now and how we live. I guess we finally found what we were looking for.“

„I think we found even more,“ Levi said in a quiet tone, his body relaxing against yours, while his arms stayed tightly around your waist, keeping you close. „Thank you, Y/N. For everything.“

It was during moments like this one when you hoped that your fallen friends and comrades were watching. And hopefully smiling at the life the two of you built together. Because looking back to old times, this was what all of them fought so hard for – a quiet and peaceful life. A life that didn't need to be lived in a constant state of hypervigilance. The kind you and Levi now got the chance to wake up to every single morning. 

All the fighting was done and all the pain was slowly but surely fading away. Every single day was a little brighter and easier. Your hearts hurt a little less with each passing week. After almost two decades of fighting for humanity, you could enjoy the sweetest reward.

Together.

As you looked over at Falco, you found him and Gabi happily grinning at the two of you. Before you said anything, the boy handed you a raspberry cookie while he and Gabi shared the last one.

„I'm happy they were such a hit,“ you chuckled and broke the cookie in half, giving one of them to your husband.

With a smirk, Levi kissed your cheek and ate his half of the cookie in one bite. Before you knew it, he took your half as well and popped it in his mouth, not giving you a single second to intervene. You playfully furrowed your brows, holding his face gently and kissing him right before the kids. Only because he hated it so much and wanted to pull away immediately, mumbling something about how childishly you were acting.

„Guess you liked my cookies the best,“ you chuckled and gave him one more sweet kiss, discretely licking the raspberry flavor from his lips.

[haunted-headset-alt]

I was wondering if you're okay writing an Angel Dust. M!Reader. More specifically Drag Queen Angel Dust. A one-shot if perfect, but you can do whatever you want. You can do this as angst or fluff, it doesn't matter! Have a great rest of your day!!

𝕭𝖆𝖉 𝕮𝖍𝖔𝖎𝖈𝖊

summary: Val convinced you to sign the deal. & Angel Dust is terrified.

warnings: swearing, angst, Valentino is his own warning, mentions of SA, alcohol & drug consumption, mentions of a breakup, mentions of abuse, brief mention of suicide, gn!reader (except for the use of the nickname "princesa" & being called "gorgeous"), arguing

a/n: i saw this ask & immediately wanted to make this into a series!

tags: (as always, just tagging a few people i think would be interested in this, please let me know if you would like to be on the taglist!) @o-kye @lil-stormcloud @zuuriell @strangleetomz @xxtalulahlovesyouxx @vibestillax @zoexia @ax-y10 @stars-around-scars-collective @blu3-lemonad3 @myheartticks @joviepog @mochamuff1n @unbeleevable @danvstheworld

"C'mon, toots, just come to my drag show! You've been cooped up in ya room all day." Angel Dust pleaded, pacing back & forth in your room.

You were a newer resident of the Hazbin Hotel, mainly staying there to be with your friend Angel Dust. Redemption, however, was just an afterthought to you. Heaven didn't seem like that much fun. You were still supportive of Charlie's dream & helped in any way you could.

"What if he's there, Angel? What if he tries to hurt me again?" you sighed, burying yourself further in your pile of blankets.

"You really think I'm gonna let that dickhead fuck with ya?" Angel Dust raised a brow. "If we see him, we'll leave. How's that sound, suga?"

After a few moments of thinking, you slowly sat up in your bed. "Fine. Only because it's your show & I want to be supportive." Angel Dust smiled wide & gave you a hug while muttering a few "thank you"s.

"Go get ready, toots. I'll see ya downstairs."

"You're completely sure he won't be here?" you asked nervously.

"Dollface, even if that dickhead was here, you're too hot for him to approach," Angel chuckled. He opened the door for the club & let you walk in first, & your senses were immediately overloaded with the sight.

Bright neon lights flashed vibrant colors to the rhythm of the music, & the air reeked of drugs, horniness, demon sweat, & booze. You could hardly see anybody no more than ten feet ahead of you due to all of the dancing sinners in your way, all of which were either bouncing around to the music or heavily making out, tongue & all, their mixed drool dripping onto their chins & sometimes the floor.

You turned around to look for Angel, but somebody looking for a good time (or just a cure for boredom) dragged him away, leaving you all alone. Not knowing what else to do, you started looking for the bar. You had to push multiple sinners on your way (which resulted in heaping amounts of "Fuck you!"s & "Go kill yourself!"s in response), & when you finally got there, the seats were sticky in a mixture of mystery substances (that you had no interest in figuring out) & the bartender looked like she was one spilled drink away from ending it all.

"What can I get for you?" her monotonous voice distracted you from the scene of the bar.

"They'll be getting your best martini, on me," a mystery voice said behind you as a hand slithered up your back & landed on your shoulder. When you turned on, you were greeted by the sight of a fashionable moth man with a cigarette in his fingers, the pink smoke wrapping around you like a fuchsia vine.

"You're gorgeous!" the moth man exclaimed. "Do you need a job? How many dicks can you suck?"

You stayed silent & raised a confused eyebrow.

"Eh, you look like you can," the moth man shrugged. "The name's Valentino, princesa. Want me to make you more money than your pretty head could ever comprehend? It'll make you & me beyond rich. Sinners eat up demons like you, believe me."

You couldn't get another word out before a contract & pen appeared out of thin air. Valentino quickly talked about where you needed to sign, but you were spaced out. Somebody wanted you to work for them? Somebody wanted you? With a giddy smile on your face at the idea, you signed your name on the contract. You had just finished signing before you were covered by a tall spider. Angel Dust.

"What are you doing, Val?" Angel Dust asked angrily.

"Angel, baby, this princesa is your friend?" Val smiled. "Relax, Angel, I'm just making sure their looks are put to good use." Val was then brought somewhere else by two female sinners who looked like they were in desperate need of sex.

Angel whipped around & gripped your shoulders. "Please tell me you didn't sign those forms, toots, please."

You smiled sheepishly. "I-I kind of wanted a job-"

"Are you fuckin' crazy?!" Angel exclaimed furiously, shaking you a little. "Are you braindead?! Why the fuck would you sign that contract?! He owns your soul now! I've told you how much I hate that bald bitch!"

"That's who you work for?" you raised a brow. "I-I'm sorry, Angel, I didn't know that was-"

"Save your apologies," Angel huffed. "We're going back to the hotel." He grabbed your arm & dragged you out of the bar.

"Hope you like being exploited."

[devoureddreaa]

diary of a mad black woman

i’m totally not projecting in this /hj. buuuuuut, i love love love the movie: diary of a mad black woman. probably the best piece of fiction tyler perry has created. but, i hope you enjooooy!!

cw: toji is an asshole (mb…), you’re gonna be kind of a bitch too if you squint, relationship issues, infidelity issues (on both sides), an established relationship coming to an end, you’re not getting back with him….. (sorry not sorry), uhh y/n is black woman coded (hii ting at the title). lemme know if i forgot anything !!!!

five long, draining years.

five years ago..you married toji right after you two graduated. don’t worry, your clan didn’t sell you. marrying toji is what you wanted to do. only god knew how bad of a decision you were

toji fushiguro, had his owns dreams and aspirations. ones that most possibly didn’t involve you whatsoever, but you forced yourself into them. the first year was just fine, it was like you were laying on cloud nine.

that was until you were pushed off that cloud.

he moved you away from your home. he wanted to “forget about the past” he said, and leave everything behind. and that included your own family..you didn’t know how long it had been since you last heard their voices. now you were isolated, and that only made things worse cause toji knew what sort of power he had over you now.

you did anything in your power to stay in his vision. whether that was dealing with his manipulative behavior, or even his infidelity..you sticked around.

cause you loved him??

or cause you didn’t have anyone else to go to?

weird, cause then you got kicked out of your own home and he got a divorce. he packed all your shit in a truck and replaced you for some hooker. bet enough booger sugar and lube got her to stay. you drove that truck back over to your grandmothers house…who almost shot you since it was the middle of the night. you got over it after a few months. got a job, made friends, reconnected with family..even your mother, and maybe even found some newfound love.

that’s until toji got injured and he was temporarily paralyzed. the hooker he wanted so badly wanted to leave him for dead, but you..were still legally his wife. so you made the last call.

to keep him alive.

as you sat there, thinking about picking up the pieces of what used to be your life..you realized something. every room in this place that you used to call home held a painful memory for you. even though toji’s suffering…something in you wants him to suffer even more. few months in a divorce can take a person through just as many emotions as five years in a marriage. oh, and you’re starting to feel all of them at once.

but the one that is clear…is rage.

now here you were, in your old home, in the office looking for old bill files for him. while he sat in his wheelchair…quietly.

shuffling through the stake of papers, you started to shake your head. “i don’t see it..”

toji’s head perked up, “you don’t see it?” he repeated, in somewhat of a mocking tone..

“no.”

he scoffed, “you really are good for nothing.” here he goes again. “find my bank statement and get the accountant on the phone.”

you looked up from the stack of papers and looked up at him. into those dead cold eyes, those eyes that used to give you so much love..but now…they just give you a whole lotta hurt.

“then call somebody, anybody and you can leave.” toji motioned down to the wheelchair he was sitting it. “this, is not gonna beat me.”

“oh really?” you’re tone was cold, ice cold. you were watching a grown man, that was fully capable of finding his own bank statements, throw a fit cause you couldn’t find it.

his legs were paralyzed, not his fucking arms.

“yea, and whatchu staring at?”

“you get stabbed in the spine, and you’re still the same.”

“i am who i am, and im gonna die that way. toots.” toji gave you a dirty, damn near disgusting look as he looked you up and down. “i don’t even know why you’re here, i’m not givin’ you shit. matter fact, where are my kids?”

“you done, toji?”

“yknow what bitch, just get out.”

you could feel your jaw clenched up when he said that.

he pinched the bridge of his nose, “i ask you to do one simple thing, and you can even do that after five— get out!”

you dropped the papers that were in your hands, you got up from the rather comfortable leather seat. grabbed your things from off the desk and proceeded to take your exit back home quietly.

but then you stopped.

who the hell is he? the man who hasn’t dont anything but hurt you. and now…you were about to let him keep doing exactly that? keep letting him control you like some toy. nah…that ain’t gon slide. before you could even think about it, your arm swung forward then swung back..the back of your hand connecting with toji’s face.

you turned yourself back around and leaned down to face him, placing your hands on the arm rest of the wheelchair..practically caging him in.

“let me explain something to you.” your tone of voice was sick, nasty. it was damn near like you were spitting pure vemon. “old y/n..is gone. and you will not talk to me like that.”

“now i came here..to help you. but now, i’m here to get even.”

“y/n, you—”

“shut up!” your yell echoed through the quiet home, the rain outside just barely being able to heard over it.

“you want your whore..” you walked over and grabbed the picture of toji and his little hooker..that was framed in a pretty little frame. “and your damn kids?”

you raised your arms up and threw the picture onto the ground, shattering the frame. “do you see what you left me for?!” you bend down and quickly picked up the picture, shoving it in toji’s face.

“this..is what you left me for!”

you started to rip the picture to shreds right in front of him, letting the loose parts fall to the floor. “she didn’t give a damn ‘bout you toji, she told them to let you die.!”

you walked back over by the desk, using your arms to sweep the top of it clean..everything falling on the floor, some of it even breaking.

“and yknow what’s funny? hm?” a condescending smile grew on your face. “i fucking gave you life boy, even though you took it from me.”

you’ve never seen toji so quiet and still before for how long you’ve known, but oh, that didn’t mean you were about to let up. you grabbed a play bat that was sitting on the floor..

“ya kids..your boys.” you swung the plastic bat and hit toji in the head. “i wanted children toji! and had you not been a public sex-stop, we would have them!”

you backed away and anger started to consume you. it showed in your face, your body movement, even in the way your heart was racing. you didn’t know if this felt good or not..

“got me all stressed out, my hair fallin’ out, my weight up ‘n down, can’t keep anything down! two miscarriages! you took life from me, and you never even said ‘i’m sorry’..”

was that it? the end of your rant.

hell nah, you walked out of that office. and you let toji sit there alone for a few days. when you can back it smelt rancid.

“god..” you groaned and covered your nose. walking up behind him. “ya smell like shit.”

you grabbed the handle bars and started to walk, then you started to run towards the bathroom.

“y/n. hell are doing?” toji asked, a bit afraid (that’s a new one.)

you ignored his concerns, barging through the bathroom doors to reveal a tub filled with water and a little bit of bubbles.

“y/n, stop—!”

the wheelchair hit the edge and toji was flipped over into the water. you pushed the wheelchair back and watched him, in silence for a bit.

“bathe him, feed him, clothe him..they say.” you say on the edge of the bathtub just watching him. “what bout me, huh? and jesus, stop lookin’ like an idiot.”

you begin to light a cigarette while toji just laid in the slightly cold water. “you try and..kick me out of our house, and keep me away from our money? hell nah. fuck nah, at that.”

you looked back over to see that toji’s head was started to submerge under the water. you quickly got up, dropped your cigarette in the water, and practically dragged toji back up to the surface.

“remember toji, i was there..when all you had was me.”

you stepped out of the tub and left him there.

later, you both sat at the oddly long dinner table. you on one side, and toji on the other. weird thing was you had a plate with a salad on it, and toji? he didn’t have a thing in front of him.

meanwhile, you were eating like it was the best salad you had ever had.

suddenly, toji had..started to cry? “y/n..”

your eyes perked up, “awe, you hungry?”

maybe he was. but who fucking cared? “hm..maybe you should go into the kitchen and get yourself something to eat then hm?” the smile on your face was brutal

“christina..” toji quietly cried out.

you looked over your shoulder, confused. “christina?!” you looked back over at the pitiful man in front of you..trying to hold back to boiling laughter. “christina’s gone…”

you smiled wildly, “your little tramp didn’t have any money to her so she left.” looking back down at your plate using your fork to pick up for more food. “just like your slut.”

“she packed all her shit, and some of yours toji fushiguro..and went on her merry way.” you started to laugh. “come to think of it..she cleaned out your bank account. all of it!”

“oh, sweetheart, you tried to keep from me? and she ended up taking it all..huh?!” you started to laugh even harder, throwing your head back and slamming your fist on to the table.

this was even better then therapy.

“toji..you are like soooo many men.” you paused to get a good look at him. “you’d rather lay with dogs then make it work with a women.”

“you’re a bitch ass, toji..a coward.”

you forcefully pushed your plate of food, sending it flying across the table towards toji. it ended up landing on his lap and some fell onto the floor. but you sure as hell weren’t gonna pick it up, you got up and went upstairs to go to sleep.

toji ended up getting better, and you let all your anger out on him..later forgiving him. you took that divorce as a blessing, the thing you used to see as curse. he still loved you, but you didn’t love him the same. you didn’t want to be back with him. pain can hurt someone, but it won’t change anybody; and toji is a perfect example of that.

but you? oh you knew better. and anyone that would cross you in the future would learn that.

signed,

a mad black woman.

did it well…and did it good. PLSASE WATXH HIS MOVIE, I LOVE IT!!! anywho coming with the content..smash that like button for more bangers!!! /lhj but, hope you enjoyed!! love you baaaaaaai (if you saw any typos..not you didn’t)

[yelenasdiary]

hey, heard you were looking for angst requests? could you do one thats natasha x reader during end game, where natasha still sacrifices herself for the soul stone, but steve is able to bring her back when he returns the stones, and she comes back all excited to see everyone came back and to see reader, just to find out that reader also gave her life by doing the final snap to defeat thanos.

Understanding

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x GN! Reader

Summary: Natasha returns to some news she wasn’t ready for.  

Angst | Light Language Warning | Character Death | Grief | 0.7K | 

AC: I like this idea, it’s different! I hope you enjoy this, sorry it’s kind of short x 

"Why are you all looking at me like that?" Natasha frowned as her eyes scanned the room, but she knew when her eyes reached Clint that something was wrong. Steve cleared his throat as he stepped forward only to be stopped gently by Clint's hand on his shoulder. "I've got this" he whispered before looking at his best friend once more. 

Nobody had a chance to process the events that had taken place, Thanos was dead, a victory for the world but at the price of one of the Avenger's own. The longer the silence filled the room, the more Natasha's mind filled with what she knew was about to come out of Clint's mouth. 

"Nat"

"Don't!" Natasha snapped, trying to fight off the building tears in her eyes. She looked to Steve, "go back! Bring them back!" she demanded but it was too late, they knew for sure it couldn't be done. 

"Nat, it's not that simple" Clint spoke, his words only angering Natasha. 

"What the hell happened?!" Nat asked, biting the inside of her cheek as her mind raced a million miles per second trying to make sense of the situation. Everybody looked at one another, again, the room filled with silence. "Can somebody please just answer the damn question?!" Nat's grief began to show in anger. 

"They did it, Nat. They defeated Thanos with the gauntlet" Clint replied. Natasha's tears broke, she hated to hear it, but she needed too. "W=why did none of you stop them?!" she asked. If anybody had to die, she only wished with was somebody on Thanos's army, not you. 

"They thought you were dead, they weren't thinking straight when you didn't return" Steve inserted himself. 

"I'm here now" 

"We didn't know that we were even able to bring you back….Nat, I tried, I went back for them" Steve paused as Tony gave him a pat on the shoulder as he walked up to Natasha. 

"They did it for you" he looked at her, "every part of their being in that moment was in revenge for you. They're one of the best, we and world will never forget that and what they did. If we could bring them back, best believe me I would do it" 

Natasha couldn't take it, the idea of you being gone and her not being able to see you, hold you, hear your silly jokes that she thought were ridiculous half the time, but they made her laugh anyways. She brushed past Tony, Steve and Clint, leaving the room with her heart behind and her mind full of anger with nobody to take revenge on. 

----

As time moved forward, Natasha could help but feel stuck, stuck in a time that no longer existed. Nothing but dreams and wishes helped Natasha get through the long hours of the day and even longer hours of the night. Just hoping you'd walk through the door or steal one of her sweaters simply because you said they were comfier than your own. 

Natasha had lived a life a lot different to most and somehow, she was always able to make sense of it and how it worked. She's dealt with death her entire life, but your death hurt her just as much as not knowing who her biological mother was. 

The others did their best to help her through this, but they all knew it was better for Natasha to do it herself, they just reminded her they she wasn't alone, and they were always here for her. 

A memorial of you was created by the city of New York, many people would come and lay flowers, cards, stuffed toys and even some of your favorite snacks as a thank you for everything you had done to save the world. It brought a sense of comfort to Natasha knowing that people around the globe were thankful for your sacrifice but still, she just wanted you. 

Yelena dropped everything after the snap and decided to stay at the compound with Natasha, an extra set of eyes to ensure the red headed assassin wasn't going to do anything stupid or fall even deeper into her grief. The two spoke a lot about you, just like everybody else did but Natasha didn't feel like she was bothering Yelena with her memories of you, sometimes she felt the team might get bored of the same stories or it might be too much for them to think about but with Yelena, she never felt any of that. 

Over time, Natasha came to terms with your sacrifice and now lived her life making sure you were never forgotten or ever forgetting the live she had with you and always dreaming of a life that could've been.

Taglist: @red1culous | @sayah13 | @charl-lally | @when-wolves-howl | @bentleywolf29 | @fxckmiup | @natasha-belova | @blackwidow-3 | @lissaaaa145 | @high--power | @parkerdaramitzzzz | @mmmmokdok | @wackymcstupid | @kiwiana145 | @observeowl | @nattyolw | @ripofflizzie | @goofy-goonie | @makegoodchoices | @apollo2907 | @wandaroman0ff | @dumb-fawkin-bitch | @lovelyy-moonlight | @santana1437 | @ahintofchaos | @fluffyblanketgecko | @puta1 | @inluvwithfictionalwomen | @tintedrose12 | @jaymieflorissssssss | @tita001 | @youralphawolf72 | @donnietarantino | @randomnessbecausewhynot | @natashamaximoff69 | @hehehehannahthings | @pandaemonium111 | @imnotslouching | @secrettoallofyou | @romantic-slaps-on-the-asss | @marvel-fan-2021 | @mmmmokdok | @riveramorylunar | @ripofflizzie | @marvel-madnessx | @scarsw1fe | @toldthatdevil | @itsmv3 | @natashaswife4125 | @katiemay-025 | @aphrcdtes | @romanoffs-widow | @natsxwife | @maria-403 | @boredandneedfanfics | @wandamaximoffspuppup | @xox-little-troublemaker-xox | @shibugs | 

[mcflymemes]

MISCELLANEOUS SENTENCE PROMPTS *  collection #6

i'm sipping wine in a robe.

you look like hell.

i tried to warn you.

it's hard to let you go.

i can't sleep without you.

this life is still worth living.

was it good for you?

when will our eyes meet?

i threw it out the window.

i get by, but i'm tired of myself.

so many things were left unsaid.

i want to spend my life with you.

you seem very well.

i'm much too young to die.

i told you not to get lost in the wild.

you're tired of me.

in my mind, you're mine forever.

if you're leaving, i gotta know why.

come on over. i'll adore you.

put on the dress you wore the night we met.

i had to close down my mind.

they'll never understand.

i told you i could never love somebody else, but i lied.

did you ever like it then?

i will never be set free.

darkness brings evil things.

it's out of my control.

i know what it takes to move on.

they're dead wrong. i know they are.

i'm a shoulder you can cry on.

am i not the one you're dreaming of?

i told you i'd be coming back again for you, but i'm not.

every word that i say is coming straight from the heart.

there's so much love we could be making.

yeah, i'm drinking again.

don't laugh. you'll make me cry.

i've got something to say.

when can i touch you?

you smell like death.

i never thought i could act this way.

take me back to the night we met.

just wait until i catch my breath.

you can run but you can't escape.

go on, baby. hurt me tonight.

shut the door, baby. don't say a word.

i can't forget this evening.

i am coming for you.

i'm here just waiting for you.

you've got holes in your clothes.

what the hell am i supposed to do?

i had a vision tonight that the world was ending.

i would stand in line for this.

i don't even know who i was last night.

i'm not trying to be your hero.

what if the world dies with the sunrise?

just you wait and see. believe me.

anything you want. any place you want.

people love it when you lose.

i didn't have much to say.

i'm leaving this place behind.

if you ever get lonely, please let me know.

now it's only fair that i should let you know.

how i hate to see you like this.

i know how it feels to lie.

you make me feel so brand new.

i hate to bug you in the middle of dinner.

i wish nothing but the best for you both.

every time you try to fix me, i know you'll never find that missing piece.

there is no way you can deny it.

those days are through.

it's a lovely day today.

you don't want to know how far it's gone.

soon i will be free.

i can't live if living is without you.

this is not what i had planned.

all we need is a little time.

this is not the end.

put your arms around me.

things look peaceful.

you changed the game.

this was never meant to last.

i know it's crazy, but it's true.

can you feel it?

i feel brave and daring.

i had to close down everything.

i'm so in love with you.

won't you believe me?

wish i had the strength to stand.

when will this strong yearning end?

they say i won't last too long on broadway.

show me where you've been.

you were always sure of yourself.

i thought it felt right.

after last night, i think i'm in love with you.

i can't forget your face as you were leaving.

the best that you can do is fall in love.

i lost friends along the way.

there are rules.

the hardest part of ending is starting again.

when will i hold you again?

if you ever want to see my face again, i want to know.

[beanghostprincess]

Can you elaborate on shanks being rightfully blamed for shuggy break up? I’m genuine

Okay, so it's not that he's "rightfully blamed". When people say Shanks did nothing wrong, they're completely right. He did absolutely nothing wrong. He's an angel. Shanks, if you're reading this, I love you. In fact, his POV when it comes to his relationship with Buggy is equally heartbreaking if not even more painful and confusing. What I mean when I constantly say Buggy is rightfully angry and resentful, is not that Shanks deserves to be hated, I'm just saying that I understand Buggy perfectly. And even if Shanks doesn't deserve to be treated this way, Buggy's feelings are perfectly understandable.

Buggy has lived as Shanks' shadow his whole life. He had to give up on his dream because Shanks was the chosen one to keep Roger's legacy alive. He gave Shanks the straw hat, and not Buggy. As we can see in the flashback in chapter 1082, it's noticeable that it was not a one time thing. Shanks was constantly seen as brighter, smarter, braver, etc. Buggy was just in the background. And you know what? He was okay with that as long as he followed Shanks, because they were best friends and if Shanks achieved his dream, Buggy would too. He gave up on his dream to follow Shanks instead because he accepted he would never be seen as somebody like him. And you can blame Buggy and say "It's not Shanks' fault that he felt inferior! He could've fought for his dream instead!" but dude, sometimes people are fucking tired of fighting when nobody else is supporting them. It's just... Understandable. And he was a kid. You know how fucking painful it is to be neglected and see how much love your best friend received? From your dad of all people.

And then Buggy thinks "Fuck it, gonna go the easy way. I'll just follow this map and sell this devil fruit". But then Shanks' appears and he makes him eat the devil fruit and lose the map. "But it wasn't Shanks' fault! He literally did nothing and it was Buggy who got scared and ate the thin-" it's a metaphor. It's not hard to understand. It's- It's symbolism turned into a literal plot. Shanks' mere existence (appearing right behind Buggy when he was about to go follow his dream) made Buggy lose his independence as a pirate (made him eat a devil fruit, making him unable to swim an d be on his own. He's literally now hated by the sea, a pirate's home) and lose the path to his dream (quite literally, lose the map). Shanks did absolutely nothing to hurt Buggy, but Buggy's feelings toward him are understandable. It's the way envy and jealousy affect people. Mostly kids/teens. And this literally ruined Buggy's life forever. He can't even go to Laugh Tale, and even if Shanks stays with him, he can't go because of his Devil Fruit (I mean, not canon yet, but quite obviously real already, c'mon). And that's just gonna give Buggy more reasons to be resentful.

Then Roger (their captain. Their dad) dies. Gets executed in front of them. Buggy sees this as an opportunity to be his legacy, so of course he trusts Shanks to do it. It's obvious in the way he talks about it that he was going to follow Shanks, or at least trust him in his journey. But then Shanks hesitates. We don't know exactly why (maybe he knew something back then. Maybe he knew they weren't ready yet. Maybe he was scared. Whatever) but he hesitates. He doubts. And Buggy, who sees Shanks as this powerful force and as the brightest pirate of all (because he has lived in his shadow for so long), of course gets angry. It isn't fair that everyone sees Shanks as the brightest when he's the one hesitating about following their dream. It isn't fair that Buggy, the one who believes in Shanks and their dream, is the one looked down upon.

Idk, I don't think Buggy hates Shanks either. It's just that his mere existence hurts too much to be with him. And tbh I find leaving somebody for that extremely valid.

[viviennevermillion]

ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴅᴀʏ...

❝ someday these dreams will all be real, still then we'll wish upon the moon. change will come, one day... some day soon. ❞ — the hunchback of notre dame

notes: for @briarvalleyarchives 'anthems of old' event. set during halloween.

contains: malleus x gn!reader, reverse hurt/comfort, ambiguous relationship

warnings: none

It was rare to see the young prince of Briar Valley on his own during an occasion that he had been invited to. The wind was strong today, blowing past the rafters of Ramshackle Dorm like the storm in Malleus's heart, leaving a creaking sound behind that made him once more wonder for how long the building had been here and muse about the souls that wandered through its halls, finding comfort in the walls that sheltered them and dreaming of something out there that they had yet to find. Even before the mysterious prefect from another world moved in here, this house had been somebody's home, albeit it may be hard to imagine for the children of man who had only just been brought into this life, compared to how long Malleus's people had roamed this world. Truly, if one were to look at it from their perspective, it was easy to see only an abandoned building, threatened to fall apart during the next rainstorm. But if there was one thing that Malleus had learnt to be privy to both fae folk and mankind, was that the things they left behind in this world; the crafts and projects one had poured their heart into, may persist long after one is gone, even against all odds, to see another day in a brighter future.

Therefore, Malleus mused, turning the invitation letter to the Halloween committee meeting in his hands absentmindedly, we must cherish them. Anger and disappointment surged through him once more as he remembered the trespassers from the previous day, intruding upon these grounds with no concern to the students who lived in this dorm. The dragon fae let out a sigh, looking down onto the vibrantly decorated front lawn. He had picked Ramshackle Dorm as the location for Diasomnia's Halloween venue. Did he bring this upon Yuu and Grim?

Maybe partially. Still, he never could have imagined the audacity of those "Magicam Monsters". Even Lilia seemed surprised, and he had traveled countless of lands and met an abundance of people. Maybe this was just one of those things that represented the distance between the children of men and the dark fae, one he wasn't sure would ever truly be bridged. Malleus's attendance of Night Raven College represented so much more than just the crown prince's education. It was a first step of connecting with the human world that was so foreign to him as a member of the royal family; of reaching out and seeking understanding after years of war and conflict had wreaked the lands and seemingly eternal silence had followed. Lilia had told him that maybe one day, fae and humans would walk hand in hand again. An endeavor that, for now at least, seemed to Malleus like the task of millennia. Was he going to be the one to achieve this? Malleus remained in doubt.

He had been looking forward to these festivities. A Halloween celebration that welcomed everyone from all over the world; getting to know the traditions and customs of other lands when it came to this important festival. It was a privilege for Malleus, a once-in-a-lifetime experience that was not meant to last or to be repeated. He had welcomed the visitors with excitement and kindness, looking forward to sharing this holiday with them and letting them enjoy the results of everyone's hard work. And yet...

Malleus remembered how the humans had treated him once he stepped in to assist Sebek and Silver with the trespassers. He didn't know whether this 'Draconia Challenge' had stemmed from bravery.... or stupidity. Either way, it felt like sheer disrespect to his person. There was guilt in his heart when he looked at the invitation. It was such a rare and special occasion to be invited like this by the other students, yet in his heart he knew he had to take a break from the whole ordeal, lest his impulsivity get the better of him. He wouldn't want to cause trouble for his fellow students.

"The famous wizard, Malleus Draconia, whom everyone is afraid of. If I take a picture of myself touching something like that, I will feel like I completed a legendary achievement."

Was this truly how people looked at him? Were most simply too terrified to voice it? Or was he, to them, like a curiosity to be gawked at? Once Malleus's unbridled rage had subsided, the comments left a bitter taste in his mouth, making him second-guess the way people perceived him. He'd be foolish to believe that his incredible magic power and his status as the prince of an isolated fae nation wouldn't alienate him from the human youths, but was it this bad?

"Hey, look, it's an old-fashioned bicycle"

He remembered the foolish man who had grabbed his horns and caused his temper to spiral out of control, almost causing an interspecies conflict then and there. Malleus remembered how Silver had tried to keep the humans away from him for their own safety. Malleus felt disrespected and wronged because of the Magicam Monsters. He felt frustrated because he saw that his attendants didn't trust him to handle the situation on his own... and ashamed, because they were right. In that moment he had felt the farthest from that dream of a united world that Lilia had spoken of. Malleus was the one who would represent his people in the future; the peace between humans and fae would partially rest on his shoulders, more so than it did already. And yet... he had almost compromised it yet again. Thunder echoed across the island once more as he thought about that moment.

"Hey, how are you holding up?", a voice disrupted his thoughts. The thunder seized when Malleus looked up at you, trying to figure out what to do with your legs and arms to make sure you'd be able to sit down next to him without risking to fall off the roof. "I just need some time to cool off", he spoke calmly, not wanting to let you see the full extent of his distress, "I hope I didn't frighten you." You shook your head.

"I won 5000 madol from the school newspaper for accurately predicting the weather."

At least something, Malleus thought, slightly amused at your statement.

"If you'd rather be alone right now, do not hesitate to tell me", you reached into your backpack to pull out a small bag of candy, "I still thought that no one should have to spend Halloween alone. I got these at Sam's shop, would you like to share? We could watch a Halloween movie too. They don't expect me at the stamp rally today, so if you want to, we could spend some time."

Malleus gave you a soft smile. "I would like that", he reached into the bag of candy that you held out to him, pulling out a pumpkin-shaped treat, "it would probably help to get my mind off things. And I've never actually seen a movie before."

"What's going through your head right now?", you asked out of curiosity, wrapping your arms around your knees and looking at Malleus's face in anticipation of his answer. "I was simply wondering whether fae and humans could ever see eye to eye and come to an understanding. If we could be neighbors and friends like Lilia wishes." "Well, one thing is for sure, if we watch all parts of Pumpkin Knight, you'll already convince one of them", you chuckled, thinking back to Idia's rant about his favorite Halloween movie.

Malleus chuckled too, before returning to his thoughts from before, looking up at the sky. "Am I truly that terrifying to people?", he mumbled quietly. Your heart broke seeing him like this. You missed that confident smirk on his face whenever he would try to tease you; although you knew that this mood was a long time coming, especially with the events that had transpired during the past few days.

"Man sees in the world what he carries in his heart", you mused, leaning back and following the prince's gaze, "are the things we fear truly objectively dangerous and scary, or isn't what we really fear more often than not our own limitations... our weaknesses and shortcomings... our lack of ability to adapt?" Malleus thought about your words, having to admit that there was some truth to it. "I don't think you're scary. I think you represent uncertainty to a lot of people and they don't know how to approach that", you theorized, "was it not similar for you when you left Briar Valley?"

Malleus thought back to the day that he received his admittance letter to Night Raven College. Indeed, leaving his homeland and coming to this primarily human-populated community took courage and it did make him unsure. Not exactly terrified, but unsure without a doubt. He mused that a group of humans just showing up in Briar Valley one day would cause quite the commotion as well. He remembered Lilia telling him about how the Zigvolt's neighbors reacted when word spread that their eldest daughter was going to marry a child of man. Memories of the war and the depression and grief that followed it like a shadow were brought up in light of such a joyous occasion as an engagement.

Especially to such a long-lived race as the fae, the distant past was like a deep scar struggling to heal and each time the lines between those two different worlds that Malleus had now experienced first-hand were blurred, it was like the wound opened and bled a little once more. He felt that internalized disdain and suspicion towards the human race everytime there was a royal gathering and everytime someone brought up his parents. He, too, hadn't been untouched by it growing up. Images flashed his mind of the rainy days, the loneliest of the year, where he had snuck out of the castle to visit his parents' grave. To get a moment alone with them; without a horde of guards or his grandmother on his heels.

Malleus didn't have many memories of his early childhood but he knew that there had been many moments where he had wondered why the children of men had taken his parents from him. How unfair it was, that he had to grow up alone like this. What was so important about this conflict that they had to die? That families were torn apart and homes destroyed?

Malleus, after centuries mostly spent within the walls of his castle, was, albeit cautious, excited to go to this school. But he could also sense his grandmother's fear when she had sent him off to these foreign lands that they remained so out of touch with that even they, as members of the royal family, were unfamiliar with the recent history of many nations across the world. Even knowing how strong he was and that he was accompanied by such reliable guards never eased her concerns. Malleus couldn't blame her, either.

"I suppose many of my kin feel the same about meeting children of men as the latter do about meeting a dragon fae like me", Malleus let out a sigh, "it is a pity how far apart we seem even living on the same campus because of those misunderstandings that persist from bygone times." You nodded. "To answer your question", Malleus continued, "I was not afraid of coming here but I was wary, too. It did take some courage."

You thought about his words for a moment, making note of his thoughtful expression and the way he seemed off in his own world, trying to make sense of the ideas in his mind and the feelings in his heart. "And...have your feelings changed?", you asked, absentmindedly brushing a strand of hair out of his face. Malleus looked up at you with a surprised expression on his face. "Pardon", you apologized when it dawned on you that you hadn't even noticed you did this. A smile grazed Malleus's features. "Heh. I do not mind."

He plopped another candy into his mouth, giving you a glimpse of his sharp fangs. He thought about the countless attempts at fearmongering he became witness to in Briar Valley when the topic of human civilization came up. How their society was described to him in comparison to his own perception of it. "I suppose it did", he answered carefully, still lost in thought, "there's a great divide between our people, and yet many of the things that we concern ourselves with are the same for the children of men. We may not be able to understand each other for a long time, but we care about our families and we're able to enjoy lively celebrations and gargoyles..."

You didn't have the heart to tell him in this moment that gargoyles were more of a... niche interest.

"That's a good way of looking at it", you smiled softly, giving Malleus's hand an encouraging squeeze, "and it's a start. This Halloween is a celebration that we all can enjoy, despite our differences. Don't let a few outliers dishearten you. Focus on the good things. Remember, there was a little boy who wanted to take a photo with you on the first day of Halloween week and excitedly showed it to his father. And on the last day, we'll have this big parade and share candy with everyone."

Malleus smiled at the thought of that. These moments weren't anything the tales about the children of man in Briar Valley made him think of. They were something new and special that he had to see with his own eyes to learn to cherish. And maybe one day it would be the same for the humans. Maybe someday he could show his world to them and they would find as much wonder in it as he did in theirs. He had to ask you to visit his homeland when you had time to do so; he'd make sure to show you around personally.

"Do you think I will one day see a world where humans and fae will understand each other?", the thought still seemed so far and unlikely to Malleus now. He was surprised by the confidence in your answer. "Definitely", you nodded, "you will live for thousands of years and this world changes faster with every passing day. And with it, the people who live on it grow too with the generations. When there's a moment where the rulers of other nations will dine at the same table with the court of Briar Valley and laugh together, I'm sure that you will be to see it."

Malleus chuckled. "That seems like millennia from now."

"It could be", you laughed, "sure feels like it sometimes." You listened to the sound of a tile falling from the roof of Ramshackle Dorm and shattering on the ground below. "I suppose the world is a little bit like this dorm." "How so?", Malleus asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's old, flawed... scarred and changed by tragedies from long ago. Sometimes things seem so bad that the next big storm feels like a disaster it can't come back from. But we still add things to it and repair what has been broken. Change is subtle, barely noticeable at times. But one day you'll wake up and notice that the roof has stopped leaking and the windows aren't cracked and birds aren't building any more nests in your bedroom."

Malleus laughed while simultaneously cringing a little at the state of this dorm, considering there were students living here.

"So the whole world is a little like an abandoned building", Malleus looked up and you sighed upon seeing the delight in his eyes. Undoubtedly he had slipped back into what you liked to call the "Malleus tunnel vision", a state of mind he entered when someone brought up ruins or gargoyles or dragons. "Not the conclusion I wanted you to come to", you chuckled, "but it's not abandoned. It won't be for as long as there are people looking to make it a better place."

Malleus watched the sun rise above the ocean. "I'll do my best to contribute", he promised quietly, closing his eyes and feeling the wind blow through his hair. "I know you will", you smiled and rested your head on his shoulder, enjoying the peaceful morning before the stamp rally would begin once more, "but that also means not making things worse if someone knocks down a pillar in the house. So tone it down a little with the lightning and the magic."

"I'm sorry for that", Malleus said, disappointed in himself for how he handled that situation yesterday. He leaned his head against yours. "Let's just enjoy this day together, take some time off from the whole fiasco and hope that the improvements in the future will outweigh the disasters", you suggested with a peaceful smile on your face. "That sounds nice", the dragon fae admitted, gently wrapping his tail around your waist.

Maybe a little faith wasn't misplaced here. Everyone in Twisted Wonderland had a habit of taking a step forward and two steps back, yet in the end, they were still moving forward steadily. Malleus reminded himself to not let his temper get the better of him; to not add upon the destruction and instead focus his efforts on nurturing his dorm and his country and to repair what had been broken, however long it may take. And who could know what the future would bring? Maybe that vision of Lilias, that had seemed like a fever dream to Malleus just 24 hours ago, was already in motion.

Change would come. One day... someday... soon.