#and every single time im just. jesse what the fuck are you talking about

[bonetrousledbones]

at this point i’m convinced folks saying “people ONLY want perfect unproblematic queer characters but I’M different and want them to KILL” are just making up guys to get mad at because who. literally genuinely who are the people that only want flat/”perfect” queer rep i haven’t seen a single one since like 2018 but i’ve seen like 6 posts like this in the past week

[gramarye]

really really long post where i just talk about johan from yugioh gx thank you

im thinking about johan tonight bc i was drawing him and i wanna talk abt him. bear with me. I REALLY LIKE JOHAN . TO START THIS OFF WITH i have an official licensed johan "WHERE AM I" shirt and i adore it its really funny also i used to have like a johan pin i bought from a german anime store and it was like 8 euros but i shipped it off to my friend who is really really crazy about johan

^johan where am i shirt

anyway johan. jessejohan. i like johan so much believe me he is my nordic scandinavian brethen i just think his writing has issues mainly that he has like no real relationships outside judai and like. i know as a gay person -- i am literally a lesbian In A Lesbian Relationship In Real Life -- that characters will become more likeable when they're queer coded bcuz its Different and its relatable. however i think his writing is kind of really weak and i quote this thing my friend said in 2022 like a lot

HARD TRUTHS TO SWALLOW jesse is a beautiful damsel in distress and his personality outside jaden and crystal beasts is kind of nothing. i love him tho

but the most offensive thing abt it writing wise is like in season 4 when they duel against trueman sorry it was fujiwara. okay i was rewatching gx ages ago and my ex was watching it with me and it was her first time seeing it and shes a literature major and when the whole. "what is the darkness in johan's heart" scene, AFTER IT WAS ESTABLISHED EVERYONE, EVERY STUDENT INCLUDING MANJOUME SHO ASUKA O'BRIEN ETCETC has darkness in their hearts,

my ex goes "if they reveal that he has no darkness in his heart because hes such a special boy im going to be so fucking mad because hes already a mary sue" (HER WORDS NOT MINE she was so mad about johan its funny.) AND THEN THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO

like he is literally too perfect. his only flaw is his one (1) time thing about getting lost which is never really brought up again (also its more of an endearing haha funny thing and yes i like it i have a shirt referencing that scene.) and the fact that.. he gets taken over i guess.

i do think the switch around where they bamboozle fujiwara is really funny. it is a funny scene i just wish they literally didn't do it at the cost of "johan is a perfect person without any mental weaknesses when literally every single other character has some flaws" I DONT GET IT!!!

maybe he can just photosynthesize his worries into strength i dont know. does anyone remember that meme

but really like WHAT IS JOHAN WITHOUT JUDAI!!!! why is he literally perfect and above other characters also. why could they not give him any darkness like What possible reason does that serve except me think he is BORING!!!! i do like johan btw as i said i really do. i just think his writing kinda sucks and people are way too nice on johan because he is queer coded but the fact is his writing is really weak. this isnt exclusive to johan ok i also dislike some aspects of jadens writing and asukas and so forth (naming characters i really like to prove my point) I AM CRITICAL this is just. about johan. ok.

and this brings me to the weirdo youtube essayists who only care about s3 and think its the peak of gx and yugioh in general and also. ONE SUCH YOUTUBER. WHO SAID IT IS "HOMOPHOBIC" THAT JESSE IS SOUTHERN IN THE DUB WHICH. WHAT?

you think all southern people all homophobic??? im sorry but i know so many goddamn queer people in thhe south. are you out of your mind. please blow up. LET HIM BE A GAY TEXAN you are just showing your own prejudice literally why did so many gx fans eat up "umm it was homophobic of 4kids to make him southern" they give like everyone accents. he has cowboy boots in his design. its not homophobia hes just southern and southern gay people exist. watch brokeback mountain or something

anway

i think johan is a much more interesting character if you incorporate his manga counterpart into it. like combine him with his anime self and it'd be really fun. his bug enthusiasm in the manga is fun like he has an actual hobby and personality. ADHD bug king

also i think personally they should lean into him being scandinavian more. ITS FUNNY. i think he should try to feed manjoume blodplättar because he looks anemic. he should open a can of surströmming around asuka (canonically very much hates food with strong smells) and she gets so upset she has to like leave the building entirely. she should get into a cultural dispute with o'brien because he thinks carola's swedish cover of mickey is better than toni basil's original

i think this and like. septembers mikrofonkåt is what he should listen to. swedish pop baby

anyway. i like johan i just think Some of his fans are insane and thats why i need to take him down a peg every now and then . in a loving bully way. also hes very gender to me dont worry about it. also TWO different people have said some variation of the "fuck danganronpa and its fans i hope komaeda marries a woman" post about him to me in different years which is so funny.

anyway yes i love jessejohan. send post

[brandnewhuman]

Since you all want to play around and be fucking menaces to society not true, you all are very lovely and i would throw myself in front of a bus for all my scrunkly stinky gremlins

Im gonna torment every single one of you with this thought:

Every single slasher was bound to become a monster. No matter how hard they would've try bc they all have fall into "the abused becomes abuser" category and it pains me deeply

They never had any chance bro. None, zero, nada, niente. Like Jason, he was treated like a monster his whole life he ended up like one, Thomas was called a beast and an animal so many times he just gave in and became what people expected of him, Michael was pure evil to everyone for so long that he eventually he felt himself really being like that.

And lets not talk about Bo or Brahms or even Asa and Jesse. All of them never stood a chance. No one ever gave them a choice other than being like that. Like how the fuck do you even recover into a healthy person after all the stuff some of them have went through? They would've being basically traumatised to the point of staying alive just for the sake of it but suffering every single day. And even if they never did those things they would still be considered monsters or freaks by everyone else so yeah, here we fucking go

OKAY, THAT'S ALL. HAVE A NICE DAY DARLINGS

[27-royal-teas]

Ok i know that probably like, none of you listen to arrows in action but they just released their debut LP today so i decided to ramble about them a bit because they deserve it and if no ones gonna create fan content for them i will.

First of all theyre a florida formed pop punk band (in my opinion, it floats more to alternative/pop) and now apparently they are located in tennessee. There are four guys- victor viramontes,  the singer, jesse frimmel, the drummer, and matthew fowler, the guitarist. 

Im gonna talk about the song that got me into them. It’s called All The Ways I Could Die. during science class i mostly just listen to music because my teacher never gives us any useful information and that was the song that came up in my queue. obviously you dont care about this information but i feel as though it needed to be shared. Anyway, the song’s chorus goes like ‘i just can’t wait to go sit in my room/contemplate all the ways i could die/ self sabotage is an old friend of mine/ and self care just inst worth the time’. 

Pretty depressing, right? But the whole thing is that music, it’s a form of connection, and the thing about arrows in action songs is that they feel so personal. Like, they feel like something you can shout in the rain and out the back of a car, scream at the top of your lungs and feel every word, spin-in-the-summer, fall in the grass. Also, im not sure who’s the songwriter (80% sure that it’s victor) (it is, i just checked) but the lyrics are REALLY FUCKING GOOD. like, maybe not pete wentz good, but nobody’s pete wentz, and they are REALLY GOOD for their first LP. since i started listening to them, I havent found a single song i dislike. Like, they really are so good. 

AND!!! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEIR HOOKS!!! One thing thats very consistent in their music is the sound and also the hooks. Theyve got this clear, clean sound, and im honestly very surprised that they havent been signed to a label by now since they have such consistently good music (and since they’ve been making music since 2017). And every single hook is good. listen to ‘Entropy’ off the new album. It is CRUNCHY. It is CLEAN. Its what i call tasty, like running your tongue on the flat metal of a refrigerated kitchen knife (not that id ever do that, of course). Like, it feels sharp and cold but slightly jagged. i could talk about it for hours. Also the high note in Put You Through Me literally makes me ascend. 

Also, audience engagement. If you look through the comment sections of their music videos, most of the comments have been liked by the band. Ive sent them art i did for The Credits and Head In The Clouds and Checking in and they’ve replied. They communicate with their audience which really does hammer in the connection aspect- connection with the audience, connection with their art, connection with the music. also theyre just really nice dudes in general like. yeah theyre just cool

Another thing i think is kind of interesting is that their producer is dan swank! I fucking love dan swank! he worked with all time low (one of my favorites) for a really long time, and ive seen him on some of their acoustic music videos from 2021 (hes the guy playing piano and doing backup vocals with alex). Hes good!!! I didnt realize that he produced music, so this was a really cool thing to find out. Worlds collide

So, yeah. Arrows in action, man. They’re great, and you should check them out. They’re like all time low but toned down, but it wouldn’t work to compare them to another band because they’re this new, beautiful thing, and they are so good, and i am going to stop talking about them now. Anyway yes go listen immediately and STREAM BUILT TO LAST 

[httpslela]

I Was Made For Lovin’ You - 1.

pairings: Ellie Williams x plus-size fem!reader.

warnings: none? i think

proofread? yup

author’s note: so… first chapter! im so excited :)))) hope you guys like it and please give feedback S2

other chapters here.

Having overprotective parents growing up and being an only child made it really hard for you to make any friends other than Dina. You've been best friends with her since she moved to the empty house across the street, you hung out everyday after school and had many sleepovers. With Dina, eventually came Jesse. The boy wasn't as annoying as you thought he was at first, in fact, he became almost as close to you as Dina.

You spent all summer trying to convince your parents to let you go to your friend's school, you even made a presentation with the pros and cons of it, they had to give in eventually. That's how you met Ellie, your friends’ friend who they had talked a lot about, Dina's description of her was "Super nerdy, a bit awkward and kind of an asshole. You'll love her!"

She was right, you did love her. The moment you met and she made the most stupid joke ever, making you cry from laughing so hard, you knew it. You saw it coming. 

You would fall for her. Hard. 

You tried to shake off the feeling and pretend like it wasn't there but it got pretty difficult when the girlfriens started to show up.

Most of them you don't even remember the name of, since they weren't really "girlfriends", just girls that Ellie made out with here and there. You got it, it really was hard to resist the puppy green eyes and the freckles, but what really fucked you up was when Cat came around. 

Cat was an asian girl and had many fake tattoos around her body that made her look super badass, she had short black hair and was just "the coolest girl ever". Everyone seemed to like her. Well, everyone except for you and Dina, who thought she was annoying and too clingy. Jesse just pretended not to like her to please you.

Cat would walk around bragging about her relationship with Ellie and would always kiss her out of nowhere in front of everyone, it kind of pissed you off. Also, your friendship with Ellie had cooled off a bit at the time, since she'd canceled plans with you to hang out with Cat and when you did meet up, she would talk nonstop about what they did together and how cool Cat's room was and how nice her parents were. You completely hated it. 

They dated for almost six months and when they finally broke up, you even tried to be sad for Ellie, but it was nearly impossible, you couldn't be more happy. You ran around your room and screamed into your pillow with excitement, you called Dina right after hanging up with Ellie to give her the news and you two celebrated together. Looking back, it sounds kind of mean, but you were only 15.

But nothing really happened between you and Ellie after that and your feelings towards her seemed to get stronger and stronger every day. All you wanted was to grab Ellie by the collar of the Jackson's WildHorses uniform and kiss her until you lose your breath. 

You thought it was obvious, the way you looked at her, the way you would listen intently when Ellie started to chatter about some dinosaur or universe stuff you didn't understand a single thing about, the way you would blush and sweat when Ellie ran to hug you after the WildHorses won a lacrosse game, how your heart would beat hard and fast on your chest when Ellie accidentally slept on your shoulder or when she made small circles on your hand with her thumb without even noticing. You just acted so stupid around her and she just didn't get it, thankfully. Even with all of those signals, she never made a move, never once mentioned you as more than a friend or anything like that.

You had no hope of Ellie liking you back, you were convinced that it would never happen and you would have to live as being just her friend for the rest of your life. 

And you were committed to being the best at it.

[byronictrash]

so I was thinking about the whole hbo supernatural thing and all I could think was how it would fit in my major spn interpretation which is TRANSFEM SAM WINCHESTER!!!!

• changed her name to samantha for pure praticity

• is a lesbian, so all the romantic part is pretty similar to the canon, monsterfucking and all

• in which dean got a little confused about the distinction of gender ≠ sexuality at first like “wait but why did you become a girl if you like girls?” (he doesn’t know a lot of queer people, give him some time)

• AND SPEAKING OF DEAN! the biggest ally of all times. at first he doesn’t understand lots of stuff that seems obvious to sam (“why are you putting on a suit?” “dean we’re going to a small town, the case will be way harder if everyone is staring at me”), asks indiscrety questions (“can i ask you something?” “it depends” “you wanna chop your dick off?” “NO YOU CANT ASK IT”) but over time he starts to get it more naturally

• despite his numerous hook-ups, dean has never spent so much time in his life in a company of a woman so even the smallest things are extraterrestrial to him (“hey whats that bowl in the microwave?” “depilatory wax” “OH CMON SAMMY I WAS GOING TO HEAT UP MY DINNER THERE”)

• of course, there would be a scene where they met some hunter friend of john who says shit about sam, misgender her etc and dean goes FERAL, fist fighting with the guy and stuff. later sam yells at dean, saying she doesn't need dean to protect her and the argument would escalate to all the times that dean treated her in a condescending way, dean yelling back that dad said it was his job to take care of her and sam yelling even louder that dad would probably dead by now (in this moment all the lamps in their room (and in the street) simply explode, but they ignore. it was probably some short circuit…. right?)

• ok lets talk about john. still the same asshole, still gave a gun to kid who was afraid of the boogeyman, still tried to summon azazel when his son was in comma in 02X01 BUT now he also has a whole series of microaggressions with sam. she’s not stupid, she know the dad she has so doesn’t come out until she’s in stanford, SO john finds out sam is trans in 01X16 when john see sam after two years wearing a skirt and holding a .45 gun. he looks at her up and down and doesn’t say anything however, suddenly stops calling sam sam and starts calling her strictly samuel.

• it got worse after s1 season finale with the whole azazel possessed john > sam had the opportunity of killing azazel/her dad > couldn’t do it > azazel escaped > the winchesters get hit by a truck. when sam questions her father about being worried about the colt while his own son is dying, john explodes with her “you know samuel this is all your fault, once again you couldn’t just man up and pull the fucking trigger, kill the thing, you had to be same old sissy and chicken off, if your brother dies its his blood in your hands”

• aaaaaanyway, lets go back to our girl :D

• her style is kinda a mess. makeup done in a hurry, most of her clothes are mid skirts, hoodies and long dresses but now and then she spends a week wearing baggy jeans and band t-shirts, like dean’s, and no makeup at all. when he asks her “where is the whole angry teen outfit?” sam would simply respond its “because of the praticity, it’s tough to fight with a vampire in a dress lol” dean knows its because sometimes sam’s internalized transphobia ft repression gets loud

• her music taste is mostly grunge, punk and some alt bands she discover in stanford but dean call all of it emo “oh fuck off sammy, i let you drive once and you already put this emo shit” “dean this is literally nirvana, you cant call everything made after the 80’s emo”

• when she came out to bobby his reaction was literally “so now you’re a girl?” “uh… yeah” “gonna change your name or something?” “now is samantha but sam is still fine” “okay, now look this sigil... (and went back to the lore they were searching)”

• sam’s catholicism being more portrained on screen and how the dilemma of being a Christian and queer filled sam with religious guilty

• her paranormal powers also showed up sooner and since the beginning she knew something was wrong. her throat felt sore every time she recited the rituale romanus and holy water made her skin itchy. the older she got, the harder those “symptoms” became and with her denial, desire to be normal combined with religious guilt, it was easier to just convince herself that all this was just god punishing her for living in sin.

• surprisingly, all the demons and angels (and most of the monsters) even being assholes treats sam with the right pronouns

• which make sam and cas fist encounter even more interesting because cas literally turns to dean and go “is this your sister, samantha winchester?” “yeah” “ABOMINATION”’

• samruby second (cause the real first was ruby killing the seven deadly sins and stuff) encounter on the other side was a little more like "why are you following me?” “because youre tall and tall women are sexy as fuck” (then sam’s brain was short circuited for a sec because her height make usually makes her dysphoric)

• between s3-s4, dean still in hell, there would be a scene of one of the first times that sam drank blood to exorcise a demon with her mind. so here they are, demon tied in a chair and trapped in a trap, sam with blood all over her chin and ruby looking at her all heart eyes. Sam tries to do the exorcism but it doesnt work so ruby says sam needs more blood. Sam responds that shes nauseous and if takes any more shes gonna puke (cause you know voluntary vampirism came too natural in canon and that disturbs me) so the demon, who's wearing a cheerleader as a vessel, laughs and says "you know sammy, for real women blood tends to be a natural thing". ruby kills her on the spot.

• speaking of the catholicism (and the blood drinking) again, sam prays every single time before/after drinking demon blood, ruby mocks her for it but she doesnt care. its a weird feeling because even thinking that what shes doing is right, that she needs to get strong to kill lilith, it still feels bad, unholy in some sense.

• of course lucifer tempted her in s5 not only appearing as jess but also saying things like "why samantha, after all, are you willing to sacrifice yourself for a society that treats you like scum, that looks at you like a freak?"

• no need to say that in 05x04 "The End" episode when dean faces lucifer using sam as his vessel, she's wearing an outfit way cooler than that abbey-road-john-lennon-white-suit (to know what i mean search amanda seyfried 2018 met gala look THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!!!!)

• even after being clean of blood drinking, sam still has some of her paranormal powers. she can't do exorcises with her mind anymore but she can move small objects with telekinesis (she doesn't do it in front of dean cause she knows it would scares the fuck out of him)

i also had a list of some episodes rewritten in this au but this list is already long, guess i'll post later

[takesomet]

Resistance

MF/F Interrogation Tickles. NSFW AT ALL.

She tried to move her shackles but it was no good. The x-frame she was currently on had her bound tight. She didn’t get scared by much but this had her terrified. Her white bra and panties were the only thing hiding her modesty. The guards had been a bit too rough on her. No marks left but they were determined to get her on here.

It had been her own fault. She had been careless and tripped the security system, moments later and she had been surrounded. The guards had been keen to take her alive and she had been keen to go. This was going to cause a headache for HQ. Allied nations aren’t supposed to spy on each other. But everyone knew that they did. Her government would have to apologise or make a trade. At least she knew she wouldn’t be hurt. 

The door slid open. A man dressed in military uniform entered. He was 6”1 tall and muscular. Blond hair with deep brown eyes. He strutted towards her admiring her bound form. She looked stunning, her brown hair flowing over shoulders, her brilliant green eyes staring back at him.

‘I want to congratulate you commander on your successful infiltration of our little operation. Not many have been able to get so far into our complex.’ He spoke with a gentle yet powerful voice. 

She said nothing.

‘You will be delighted to know that your government is keen to have you returned to them. Naturally my government has agreed. The exchange will take place in 24 hours...’

Inside she breathed a sigh of relief.

‘But my government would like to know what you learned whilst you were inside my complex. And they have given me 24 hours to find out.’

‘If you lay a finger on me there will be an international outcry.’ she said.

‘Of course you know that, and my government knows that too. But they also know how capable i am. I am Captain Lechtani. I am pleased to make your acquaintance Jess. It is Jess isn’t it? The name we have on file.’

Silence.

‘We know a lot about you Jess.’ He said moving towards a console. ‘Within 24 hours I will know everything you have seen and there will not be a mark on your body.’ He pushed a button and the xframe moved so that she was now lying down. Only then did she see the table next to her. Lechtani moved to it.

‘You see Jess we know so much about you. All your weaknesses and I am going to have that information.’ He picked up something from the table, she strained to see what it was. Her heartbeat had increased. He moved again slowly and grabbed a stool. He sat at the foot of the frame where her bare feet were bound and helpless. 

‘Tell me child, are you… ticklish?’ He spoke with a wide grin and with horror she saw that he was holding a single feather.

God no! She remained silent, repeating her training in her head. 

‘Lets find out shall we?’ He brought the feather to meet her right sole. He started to stroke it teasingly up and down her foot. ‘Tickle tickle tickle’ he said.

Inside her head the reaction was immediate. Like ticklish fire it swept up her body, her nerves commanding her to laugh and to scream. She had to hold it in.

‘Oh i love it when they try to resist. Coochie coochie coo.’ The feather kissed her now squirming sole, finding every winkle, fluttering over her sensitive areas. She stifled a giggle.

‘It won’t be long now ticklish girl.’ He said and with free hand peeled her toes back and began to work the feather between every single toe. That did it, it had to be let out.

‘hahahahehehehehehehehehhe please no ahahehehehehhe no my toes ahehehehehehe im ticklishahahehheheheheh.’

‘There we go! I love it when my songbirds finally sing! Tickle tickle!’ The feather danced in harmony to her wriggling toes. No matter what defences she put up the feather found a way in. He now produced another feather and with his other hand began to tickle both her feet in earnest.

‘hahahehehehehehhe not my hfeehehehehehehhetttt hahahehehehhehe please no!’ She screamed.

‘Its foolproof you see. No mark on your body and you have to try and explain that the info was tickled out of you ha! Now tell me what you know about my complex.’ he said.

‘hahaheheheheheheh noooo ahhehehehehehhe ahhehehhe never.’ She replied.

‘Then I can’t stop. Tickle tickle. Your bare feet are so deliciously ticklish!’ He grinned like a cheshire cat as the feathers continued their dastardly work. Up and down, stroking and tantalising her bare flesh. Her feet tried to escape but only found themselves in front of another's feathers kiss. They stroked her firmly, then they stroked her gently. The fast and slow was catching her out.

‘hehehhahehehehehehhehe noooo mercy ahheehehehehhee’ she squealed.

He stopped and stood up. She was panting hard and it had only been a few minutes. He came over to her chest and picked up some scissors. With a few cuts her bra was removed and her breasts fell free. Her nipples were already betraying her.

‘I see we are enjoying our torment.’ He said. 

No response. 

Bringing the stool round he sat next to her chest. He brought a hand to cup her breast and with another he lowered a feather onto her nipple. He started sawing it back on forth on the erect nub.

She screamed. Her nipples were her most sensitive of placed. Ever since she was a girl she could remember stroking them only briefly before she would shudder. Now in this torturers hands they were being roughly tickled and teased. Her nipples were delighted. 

‘Tickle tickle tickle. Such sensitive titties you have. Cootchie cootchie coo.’ He teased.

She bucked and thrashed in a vain attempt to escape his clutches but he held her firm. The feather stroked her nub again and again. Up and down, side to side, she screamed again for mercy. She did not receive it. Satisfied she wasn’t going anywhere he now had a feather tickle each nipple. Both her aching buds being stimulated and teased. She couldn’t stand it. 

‘HAHAHEHEHE OH FUHAHAHCKKKK STOP HAAHHEHEHEHE PLEASE AHAHEHEH.’

‘Tell me what I want to know ticklish girl.’ he demanded

‘OHAHAHEHEHHEHEGOD HAHAHEHEHE I CANTTTTTTTTT’

‘Then more tickles for you. Sasha!.’

The door opened and Sasha walked in. Short and wearing a military dress she looked a picture of sex. Black hair, buxom with a round behind she saluted as saw Lechtani.

‘Sasha, be a dear and help out the little spies feet. I believe they are lonely.’ He said.

‘Yes commander’ she said with a voice that would seduce the pope. She brandished her long nails and began to tickle and torture her bare soles. The combination of nipples and feet were unbearable. Whilst Lechtani sawed her nipples, Sasha raked her soles. 

She moved her head from side to side, move her body in some way to stop the torment. Every time she looked down she viewed her helplessly ticklish nipples being teased beyond her ability to cope. Lechtani grinned the whole time, mocking her, laughing at her plight. Sasha kept up the audio torture. She told her what a ticklish slut she was, how soon she would break. 

‘Are you ready to talk my dear?’ Asked Lechtani.

‘AHAHEHEEHE I CANNNT HAHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEE PLEASE HAHAHEHEBEBE MRRCYHAHAHE’ Her desperation clear in her voice.

‘Then you leave me no choice. ‘ Came the response. Turning to the table he picked up two bullet vibrators. Taking care he taped them both onto her aching nipples. Once he was satisfied they were attached he set them to ‘high’

She has tried this once at home. When she would spend hours playing with her sensitive body. One time she had tried to see how long she could leave her bullet vibe on one nipple set on ‘low’. She lasted 7 seconds. She had squealed loudly then. She squealed louder now.

They were mechanical and merciless, a constant buzz of torture, locked on and unrelenting in their torment. Every second sent shockwaves through her. It traveled down to her feet only to be sent back again by Sasha's nails.

With the scissors back in his hand Lechtani set to work removing his victims panties. He was delighted to see that she was soaking wet. The last piece in her torment could be complete. Slowly and deliberately he parted her soaking wet lips, her clit erect and wanting. He leaned close and could almost taster her need. With the softest feather in his collection he started to slowly brush her clit. Up. And. Down.

Her laughter stopped. She shrieked. Then silence again. Her body convulsed and tied to assess the new sensations. She screamed and then she laughed.

‘AHAAHHHAHAHRHRHRHRHR FUCK NO AHAHAHEHEHEHE NOT MY CLIT AHAHAHHAHAHHEHEHE NOT MY NIPPLES GOD HELP AHAHAHEHEHE’

The feather fluttered between her legs, her clit eager for the kiss of the feather sought it out. He oblieged and twirled it over sensitive head. He stroked up and down and side to side. He saw her hole start to convulse. She was going to come.

He stopped. She screamed.

‘OH GOD AHEHEH LET ME AHAHAHEHEHEHE CUM AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!’ She wailed.

‘Tell me what you know!’ He yelled back.

Briefly her definace appeared. 

‘NEVER YOU FUCKING PERV HAHAHEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHA’

Sasha had begun to lick and suck her toes. Her warm tongue running up and down her arches. She snaked around every inch of her foot. The vibes on her nipples continued their busy work. Lechtani tried again. Back he went with not one, but now two feathers. They surrounded her clit and he traced her pussy lips with light lazy strokes. She was soaking wet. Every few minutes a feather would be too damp to be effective but he had plenty of spares. Every time he saw her convulse he would stop and deny her orgasm again. This happened six more times. As he was leading her towards her seveneth he again asked the question.

‘Tell me what you know and you will cum right now,’

Sasha, her feet, the vibes, her nipples, his feather, her clit. The desperate need to cum. She snapped.

‘ILL TALK ILL TALK!!!!! AHAHEHEHEHEHE JUST LET ME CUM PLEASE HAAHHEHEHEHE!!!!!’ She screamed.

He continue to brush right until he was sure she was three strokes away.

‘Start talking.’ He said cooly. Sasha stopped tickling and starting sucking toes again.

‘I KNOW YOIR RRRGGHHH UHGHH WORKING ON A NEW HHHAHEHEHE KIND OF HAHEHEHE TANK’

One stroke.

‘ GOOOOOD AND THAAT HAHEHE YOU PLAN AHEHEHE TO TEST IT IN A MONTHHAAHEHEEH’

Second stroke.

‘AANNDDD THAT IT AHAHEHE WILL BE COMPLETELY ROBOTIC HAHEHHH PLLELEEEAASSSSSEEE.’

Third stroke.

It was immediate and loud. She wailed at the top of her voice as the wave started and took over her entire body. She shook in her bonds. Lechtani leaned in and took her clit in his mouth. He licked and sucked the quivering head and she continued to scream. She came over and over again. Sasha licked her convulsing toes whilst tending to their own needs.

Minutes later she was spent. The vibes turned off. Her shame complete. She lay their limp. All of her energy gone.

Sasha took notes on what she has said. Lechtani came to Jess's head. 

‘You did very well commander. Very well indeed. You have told us everything you know about the complex. I believe you.’ He said.  She didn't answer.

Sasha confirmed that the details had been sent back to HQ and handed him a note. He read it quickly and tossed it. 

‘Well commander you have 22 hours until the exchange. High command however has asked me to see if their is anything about your own government you can tell us. You know, like an exchange of ideals.’

He looked her straight in the eye as she screamed again.

He set the vibes to ‘high’

The End.

[headheartbellarke]

FROM A FAN TO HIS GIRL | charlie gillespie headcannons

Requested by anon: “hiii i love your writing and im in an angsty mood could you possibly write a Charlie imagine where him and the reader gets into an argument and he says something like “well ur just a fan” cause that’s how they met and she takes it really personal cause she doesn’t feel like she’s been good enough for him but the like make up and it’s okay? thank you so much” A/N: sorry, i know that this isn’t an imagine but i felt like headcannons would suit this idea better! WARNING(s): some angst with a fluffy ending

Charlie and you first met in Maui, Hawaii, where you and your best friend where vacationing. Julie and The Phantoms was the very show that you guys had binge-watched on the plane ride there, so imagine your surprise when you ran into the cast members.

They were extremely sweet and invited you two to play beach volleyball with them. You guys played for a couple hours until you had to go back to the hotel to submit an assignment, because college doesn’t let anyone be at peace. Charlie offered to walk you back to your hotel because apparently “it isn’t safe.”

That was a lie. He was absolutely mesmerized by you – not just by how beautiful you were, but more by your bubbly personality. He thought that you were the human epitome of sunshine, and he loved the fact that you could light up any room that you walked into. He loved how big your heart was, how you always made sure everyone was comfortable.

In front of the hotel, he asked you for your number, and if you could hang out sometime back in the states. Of course, you said yes, because you thought that he’s the nicest person ever, and an absolute gentleman.

You guys hung out a couple times over the next few days, and when you went back to the states, you would facetime every night. By then, you were pretty much gone for him, especially after knowing how compassionate and amiable he was.

He also loved to travel, which was something you guys had in common.

Finally, after months of talking on the phone and texting, he asked you to come to Ecuador with him during Christmas. During that trip, you guys told each other about your feelings, and he kissed you, and asked you to be ‘his girl.’

After months of dating, when production started for season two of Julie and The Phantoms, you guys were separated for months on end, and the both of you were definitely not handling it well by bottling up everything.

Whenever Charlie would call, you would have classes going on. Whenever you would call, he would have scenes to shoot. So, you guys went weeks without talking.

One day, your best friend posted a picture of you, her, and this guy she likes on her Instagram. Charlie follows her, and he thought that you were cheating on him with that guy, since he had his arm wrapped around you. He called you.

You got pretty mad at him for jumping into conclusions, so you told him how you felt as if he were ignoring you.

“Well, Y/N, I feel like you’re too busy for me. You don’t pick up my calls either, so I gave up after a while. But now, I think that he’s the reason why you are not picking up my calls.”

“Oh, for god’s sake, Charles, he’s just a friend! And you’re such a fucking hypocrite. You’ve not only missed my calls, but you’ve also missed important events in my life! I’m always supporting you, but when I need you, you’re gone.”

That went on for a while until Charlie snapped, “Well, you’re just a fan.”

You felt your heart drop at that. It’s an insecurity of yours. You love Charlie, you really do – but you can’t ever, ever change the circumstances under which you met, no matter how much you wish for it. Plus, you thought that you were more to him than that, but clearly not. It’s things like this that keep you up at night, making you feel like you’re not good enough for him and that no matter where you two are, there would always be this unspoken variable hanging in the air: you’re just a fan.

You were crying as you said, “If that’s what you think of me, then alright. We’re over, okay? You can now date all the models and actors and Hollywood girls. Good luck.”

Before he could say anything, you hung up.

For the rest of the day, you stayed curled up in your couch, watching New Girl and crying. Oh, to be Jess!

Your self esteem was at an all-time zero.

At 3AM, however, you were woken up by an insane banging on your front door – you had fallen asleep crying.

Opening the door, you felt your heart clench. Charlie was standing there with a box of chocolate glazed donuts from your favorite bakery.

“I am so sorry. I swear I didn’t mean what I said. It just – I’m just so afraid of losing you, and these past few weeks I’ve been feeling like that, like I’m losing you. And when I saw you with that guy I just assumed that maybe you decided that I wasn’t good enough for you, and I know that doesn’t excuse that, but I just love you so much and I was so afraid of losing you so I just assumed the worst and took out whatever I’ve been feeling the past few weeks on you and that’s absolutely not okay, and you deserve so, so much better than me and I swear I didn’t mean a single thing that I said – you’re not just a fan, baby, you’re my girl and I really don’t wanna lose you and you mean everything to me so please, please forgive me.”

You stared at the guy in front of you, who looked a little disheveled and a whole lot crazy. “That was all over the place.”

“I know, I practiced it on the plane but when I saw you, I just forgot everything.”

You jumped into his arms, basking the feeling of warmth and his scent. You felt as if you were drinking water after a long while. “I’m sorry, too. I should’ve figured out something, try to put a little more effort.”

“It’s not your fault, baby.”

“I love you, you idiot. Even after you made me cry the whole day today. Now, come in, I want those donuts!”

*** jatp requests are open <3

[retroellie]

Dating Ellie Williams Headcannons

Summary: Headcannons for dating ellie 

A/N: Have this because my last imagine was ass... I think i like writing headcannons way more than imagines lmao 

Warning: TLOU2 spoilers, Mentions of death, PTSD, and NSFW/dirty talk 

Word Count: 1.8k 

- She fell in love with you when she first saw you 

- She had just come to Jackson after the incident with the fireflies 

- You being around the same age as her tommy asked you to show her around and tell her what’s what

- “Ellie this is Y/n, Y/n this is ellie.” Tommy introduced y’all 

-Her heart stopped when she saw you, she couldn’t help the blush that was forming. 

-She couldn’t stop looking at you when you were talking about the shops and sights around Jackson 

- It seemed like you were liked around town, you were friendly to everyone and everyone knew who you were

- She will never forget the thing you said to her when you guys were in front of her new home 

-”Tommy told me a lot about you and i just want you to know, you're safe now.” 

-She felt for the first time she could let go, relax for a minute 

-You helped her move into the garage, trying to make her as comfortable as she could be 

- She wrote about you a lot in her journal, writing poems and drawing pictures of you 

-You guys hung out a lot with Jesse and Dina but she would much rather hang out with you alone 

-You two had become really good friends by the time you guys were 16, i mean Ellie opened up to you more than she did anyone 

-Opening up meaning talking about her interests and some of her favorite childhood memories 

-She was honestly too scared to tell you about her immunity and even more scared to tell you about her past, afraid that she was gonna scare you away 

-You introduced her to cat and you definitely regretted it because cat liked her 

-When they started dating cat was definitely the third wheel because you and Ellie were so closer

-You held Ellies hand when she got her tattoo, she couldn’t hide the blush than but blamed it on the pain 

-You guys shared the same love for music, you showed her most of the music she listened to 

-You would sleep over at her place a lot 

-You guys would watch movies, talk about space and dance horribly to old music 

-Y’all could never get bored of each other

-When you spent the night at her place you would sleep in her bed with her but it was as friends, Ellie didn’t want you sleep on the floor and you didn’t want to force her out of her own bed  

-Ellie would always get so embarrassed when you slept over, she would always go into a gay panic 

-By the time y’all were 18, she was head over heels for you 

-You two were still best friends but her feelings got in the way  so she was distant 

-It got to the point where she didn’t want to be with anyone else, it was either you or no one 

-She didn’t really have time for relationships so she didn’t really mind it 

-She would play guitar for you when you came over, even attempting to teach you 

-Everything she owned was yours and everything you owned was hers 

-”God damn it, where is my Walkman” 

-”Oh, I took it. Mine broke.” 

-Ellie bashed on everyone you liked, Little did she know you liked her 

- You liked the boy who worked at the bar? She had something to say about him 

-You found out she liked you when you two were dancing one night 

-Your arms were wrapped around her neck and hers around your waist, it was like a scene from a movie 

-You both felt the tension, it made the butterflies in your stomach go crazy 

-”I’m just a girl.... not a threat.” 

-”Oh ellie... I think they should be terrified of you.” 

-Next thing you know her lips were on yours 

-The kiss felt like it went on forever until you pulled away, panting for air 

-No words exchanged just a smirk and her pulling you out of the church

-She didn’t waste anytime, She’s been waiting for this moment 

-Now that you guys were together, you guys were too powerful 

-You guys spent a lot of time in her garage, i swear you basically lived there 

-You guys could spend hours tangled up together or have heated make out sessions that lead to so much more 

-Soft kisses and 80s movies 

-endless sex i swear this woman is going to be the death of me 

-I have said this before but this girl is always horny, i mean she still has raging hormones  so she’s always on top of you 

-She tries to highlight her tattoo when pleasuring you because she knows it drives you crazy 

-She loves when you sit in her lap, it’s both cute and hella sexy to her

-Her kisses make you lightheaded, like you gotta sit down for a minute after she kisses you 

-She finds your body fascinating, like it sounds cringey but she love everything about you body 

-She likes to explore your body a lot, like what gets the best reaction out of you 

-She’s kinda new to sex, she’s had a fling or two but nothing long term so now she really has to get this shit down

-She’s the top, i said what i said 

-Joel has walked in on you two lots of times 

-”Hey elli... OH FUCK. SORRY, I’m sorry.” He says while covering his eyes 

-You both have to stop for a minute just to laugh your asses off 

-Y’all were really loud too so like y’all got complaints a lot 

-”Sorry, Y/n came over for a minute.” Ellie says busting through the door 

-”Yeah i know, i heard y’all.” Joel joked 

-She makes really bad cheesy pick up lines to you 

-”You know I’m jealous of your heart, because it’s pumping in and out of you and I’m not.” 

-”I’m literally gonna break up with you.’ 

-She never fails to make you laugh

-Her with her fucking puns mama, you can’t hide from her silly side

-Joel is a proud dad, he loves his lesbian daughter and her girlfriend 

-Later on into the relationship ellie fully opens up to you 

-You were tracing her tattoo one day, feeling the bumpiness of it 

-”What happened?’ 

-She debated on telling you, Joel said not to tell anyone 

-She gave in through, telling you about riley, her immunity, her and Joel's trip, even David 

-She ended up crying, you’ve never seen her that broken down before 

-You held her most the day, giving her all the kisses she needed 

-When Joel died, you were basically always with her. Not wanting to leave her alone 

-You were the one that found them. You shook ellie awake,  Letting her sob into your shirt 

-You brought her home, she could barely move. She was in so much shock and pain 

-You cleaned her up and took days off of rounds just to lay in bed with her all day 

-The nights were the worst 

-She would wake up in tears, sweat drenched her body. She would bury her face into her chest, crying her eyes out 

-”I saw him. All the blood..” 

-”I know baby, it’s okay. I’m here.” 

-you guys were still so in love with each other at 20, maybe even more if that was possible 

-The trip to Seattle and trying to kill Abby really brought y’all even closer, seeing sides of each other you guys never had 

-The fear and the defeat you both felt on that trip, it made ellie more in love with you that you stayed 

-You two lived in a small farmhouse after the trip to Seattle, it was nice and quiet 

-You lived like two cottagecore lesbians out in the middle of nowhere, it was a good change 

-Ellie would love to paint you with flowers, she found that you and flowers together created a perfect masterpiece 

-Ellie was kinda a city girl so you had to teach her a lot of stuff, you mostly read books about farms because you didn’t have a clue either 

-You guys lived without pants, like no one was there to see y’all, no one to impress so like fuck it, who needs pants 

-Ellie loved waking up to you in the kitchen, with messy hair and nothing but her t-shirt on.... Yes please 

-To save water y’all would take baths together, it mostly always turned into bath sex 

- Ellie was glued to your side, like wherever you went she was there with you 

-She was very distracting, always kissing up your neck or moving your hips on hers 

-I swear this woman was distracting without meaning to be 

-When she was doing farm work and her tattoo would stand out, it made you want to jump on her every single time 

-Sex with her back then  was great but sex with her now was so much better 

-She really matured a lot, she knew what she wanted and just how to do it 

-Your pleasure came first to her, she loved the feeling of being able to pleasure you 

-Don’t worry, you didn’t leave her out. You made sure she felt just as good as you 

-She wasn’t shy so dirty talk was her thing 

-”Just one more time baby, i wanna see you cum on my fingers one more time.” I’m so gross im sorry AHDS

-She would fuck you on literally everything in the house 

-No one was near to hear y’all and y’all could do it anywhere and at anytime, it was fucking heaven for y’all 

-Y’all were together a lot and although ellie loved it, she knew you liked your alone time 

-She would go into her painting room and play guitar or draw, doing anything to keep her busy 

- After a hour or two went by you would come in and sit on her lap, hinting that  you were getting a bit lonely 

-You were always there for her when she went through her attacks, telling her it was going to be okay and you were here with her 

-”Y/N! I- I can’t.. can’t breath.” 

-”Ellie baby, you're okay. just keep taking deep breaths for me, okay?”

-Seeing her like this broke your heart but you were nothing but patient with her,  she was really thankful for that 

-You never talked about joel or even riley, you knew those were sensitive topics so when she did talked about them you listened and allowed her to rant 

-”You know, I think Riley would’ve really liked you.” 

-”You think so?” 

-”Yeah, she would’ve liked your weird taste in music.’ 

-Ellie dreamed about what it would've been like in a normal world

-She could see you two meeting at a movie theater, hitting it off and eventually getting married, Maybe adopting a kid or two

-She was so in love with you, no matter what you looked like or what your body type was. She loved you 

-

-

-

!Credits to gif owner!

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

Hi I just had a great idea:

What if instead of taking chip wiskers on a Sail-Around-the-World, Get-Over-Blair summer adventure (bc chip can get rekt!) Nate takes Dan instead??? and they fuck and fall in love of course

here you go, jess! your wish is my command & all that. maybe i'll make this into a proper fic when i don't feel like a zombie with a running nose.

vanessa breaks up w/ dan before she leaves for haiti. dan is taking it pretty badly, nate thinks dan must be torn up about it/ missing her / heartbroken etc etc.

blair's got her own clusterfuck of chip stuff to handle (clusterchuck?) and serena's helping with that, jenny's got her own stuff to handle, etc etc, so dan's entire support system boils down to just nate, naturally

nate's like "oh yeah i can handle this i too was once heartbroken over vanessa"

but then dan sort of gets very drunk and talks about how if the one person who's loved him longest and loved him best and known him better than anyone else couldn't stand him what does that say about him, dan? is he just that unlovable? and nate's heart hurts

nate tries for sage advice such as "sometimes being best friends doesn't translate to being romantically compatible, man. i know she loved you, but her not being in love with you doesn't say anything about you" but it slides off dan like water off a duck's back

so nate decides to take dan on a vacation. take his mind off stuff.

dan thinks it'll be lowkey so he agrees.

it is............not lowkey.

they sail for a bit and dan hates it, hates the feeling of being at sea, doesn't feel comfortable on a rickety sailboat, etc etc, but dan loves seeing how at ease nate is - and that's enough for dan to put his anxiety away for a bit

(sorry, i just have a big headcanon of dan being terrified of like. sailboats or cruise ships or whatever. seeing all that ocean all around him and knowing he can't leave freaks him out imo.)

one week in nate realises that dan is essentially putting up a brave front & then there are a few airline tickets and a lot of backpacking

"didn't know i was honeymooning with serena," dan says, and nate smacks his arm and gives him a look

dan doesn't understand foreign currency and nate's terrifyingly good at conversion rates. nate's also better at picking up snippets of the local language, wherever they are, while dan just. blinks and opens his tourist guidebook and stumbles through the "do you speak english?" phrases every single time

(dan thinks it's hot. that nate knows all this. that nate is just Wired in a way that makes him so good at adapting/navigating all this.)

( nate thinks dan's adorable. when he scowls at the maps and loiters in souvenir shops and blinks dazedly when people talk to him in a language he doesn't understand, looking at nate wide-eyed in a silent plea for help. it cracks nate up, but it also makes him want to hold dan in his arms and kiss the top of his head. whoops.)

anyway! back to plot.

they hang out in cheap hotels or service apartments and dan begins to teach nate how to cook and they fly kites in meadows and go on treks and it's such an absorbing experience

they spend anywhere between 3- 9 days in one location before moving

every single day is so Full and Whole it feels like a whole week of events. but it's just one fulfilling day

then one day they're snowed in somewhere on the mountains

and both of them have... a really good time. and dan has this lightbulb moment of... oh. it's not Abroad that's bringing meaning to my life, it's not these activities or the change of pace or anything else. it's nate. it's being able to be with nate like this

nate, naturally, is having the same sort of revelation

dan wants to act on it but he's scared to blow what is the best friendship in his life at this time, and he knows natie is coming off a heartbreak w/ serena and he doesn't want to be a rebound

but nate is the one to initiate it, touching dan's chin with gentle fingers and going, "hey, we can ignore this and never talk about this again if you’d prefer that but i really want to kiss you"

so of course, they kiss

they kiss, and then they almost do the deed too but then they both stop, because dan's like "wait you're my best friend i can't risk you Not being my best friend tomorrow when it's over"

they talk about it in an emotionally mature way & talk about their exes + their expectations of being in a relationship & just "you're my best friend but it's become so much more than that lately"

they don't fuck but they go to bed holding each other, as boyfriends

when the summer ends, they both return to NY a lot more tanned, with a lot more souvenirs, and more genuine smiles

chuck gets pissy with nate about taking "humdrum humphrey on a honeymoon" and nate hits him in the face (im sorry, i love the chuck/nate/dan love triangle too much, i have no excuse)

nate moves in with dan, vanessa shows up to visit and check in on dan and they have a heart-to-heart (turns out after her internship in hiati, v popped over to california because ruby's band was on tour there, etc, and vanessa bumped into olivia of all people, and. apparently they're dating now and she wants dan to hear it from her, directly, and she hopes he's okay with that - with his ex gfs dating each other - and dan's like 'yeah as long as you're happy. speaking of finding your exes in a gay relationship, uh, me and nate....' & of course, v is extremely thrilled by this update)

blairena fucked in paris and will continue to fuck on return to NY but there's definitely a lot of angst because blair expects serena to dump her for one of the boys and serena thinks blair doesn't like her / is pushing her towards the boys because "what happens in paris stays in paris" but they're both definitely in love. and they miscommunicate BUT they work it out. classic fanfic stuff.

and. three days before college begins there's a knock on the door of the loft and when nate opens the door, he's greeted by a heavily pregnant georgina.

"what the fuck are you doing here?" / "i could ask you the same question. and don't cuss around the unborn baby, archibald." / "...."

dan, of course, walks in now, and he's like, "there's no such thing as an unborn baby, if you mean fetus, you should say that, because -"

and then he looks at who's at the door and he's like. "uh. georgie. long time no see, what?"

georgie grins like satan. "he's yours"

"yeah, nate is my boyfriend," dan says distractedly, and then blinks, stares at georgina, and at nate, and back at georgina again. "do you - do you mean, the kid?"

/end

[letsperaltiago]

ok time to break my silence caused by the fact that i spent all day making this lol too many feels 

so.. palm springs thoughts !! and there are manyyyy so buckle up and feeel free to hit me up with either matching or contradicting thoughts or whateveer!! i would LOVE to nerd out about this movie with someone:’)

here comes thoughts and pictures!! 

we basically start off with a mr. samberg sex-scene okAYYYYY the mood is set. we love the view

nyles aka. mr. samberg is the most gorgeous man alive and it was a true pleasure to admire him for 90 minutes straight 

CURLS!!????! THEY ARE UNREAL. i shall dedicate an entire post to them

Cristin Milioti is perfect for her role. her acting? *chef’s kiss* I love that she’s not the stereotypical female rom-com lead.

Her chemistry with Andy? Gosh.. Can’t believe Nyles x Sarah is my new main movie-ship!! They play off of each other SO. WELL. Their characters are equally stone cold and bitter, but then again not really, and they both portray it so well!!

“You don’t ned a leg up.” *moans* “Hold my leg up!” i SCREAMED

“Don’t you kiss me.” “Don’t you tell me what to do.” hoW DARE THEY!

Ok ur basically on love already stop it

The fact that they were just gonna fuck on a blanket on top OF ROCKS?!

but then again in this movie’s already insane universe it’s prob pretty normal:)

The overall dark, existential humor?? This is what I live and breathe for on a daily basis. Basiaclly both main characters are a BIG MOOD

Nyles not giving a shit vs. Sarah severely freaking out in the beginning is an iconic dynamic

“I am the antichrist” and then the rock falling? For a hot sec I literally thought the movie was gonna take a turn with Nyles being some magical/scientific creature that’d created the timeloop or something idkkk ahhha

Nyles in the suit... ridiculous(ly hot)

The torture methods Roy uses on Nyles and the fact that he’s not mentally scarred?? How?? 

On that note I love that Nyles and Sarah keep their memories even if the day starts over. Would’ve been a completely different concept if they had to “meet each other for the first time” every day and it wouldn’t’ve allowed their relationship arc to evolve as it did 

Darla is the fucking shit 

Nyles in the baseball cap, amirite?

THE BARTENDER TALKING ABOUT HITTING A GUY WITH THE CAR SHE’S CURRENTLY GIVING NYLES A HANDJOB IN IS COMEDIC GOLD 

“You fucked Jerry Schlieffen?” “Well he fucked me.” Yes SIR. Andy Samberg’s characters are all bottoms and we’re here for it

Sarah’s tongue click and “nice try” when Nyles asks her about her sex life?? 

IDK WHY BUT SO GOD

Randy is hella annoying. That’s it. That’s the tweet.

THIS ENTIRE SCENE:

the fact that they both start waking up smiling because now at least they have each other 🥺😭🤯

uhm i love a good ship that’s like... best friends to lovers and the montage of them basically becoming besties killed me 

this outfit Y E S: 

sarah falling off the car and nyles laughing it off is relationship goals

the crashing plane I LOL’ED

okay so... big moment... the DANCING AND MATCHING OUTFITS? THEY ARE MY DREAM TEAM. Also how excited they are running away from the bar 🥺

IM POSITIVE THIS IS THE MOMENT NYLES KNOWS! LIKE HE DOESN’T ADMIT IT TO HIMSELF COMPLETELY BUT HE KNOWS 

the bomb in the cake and french pirate-skit? so fucking random but i lovee it because it’s so them

*DRUM ROLL* PERHAPS MY FAVORITE MOMENT IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE: 

STORYLINE WISE AND VISUALLY A++++

the deep talks by the fire were SO well written. they were actually deep and genuine, allowing the characters to grow and opening up to us as viewers but also remained fun and witty

sarah trying to get nyles to admit he cares for her and him joking it off??? the flirtinggg

really wish we’d gotten to know more about what nyles meant with “it drifts away: just like they all do.” because it really seemed to trigger something within him. Like WHO “They”???

the dinosaurs lmao no comment but at least they got a cute cuddly moment

from the very first millisecond inside the tent you can CLEARLY tell Sarah is just dying to do something about them!!!

 the disbelief on nyles’ face when sarah says “lets just get it over with” because she’d clearly stated he didn’t want to and even though he obviously did he’s respected it and not done anything further about it oh babey

we love some good making out:’))) 

NYLES HALTING TO TAKE IN THE MOMENT EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO SCREAM INTO THE VOID 

i will die for a post-sexy timez cuddle and how sarah is trying to staying awake to be besides him is just *explosion* 

this has to be *the moment* she realises 

and they’re both sooooo fucking happy when they wake up after damn love me like that pls

THE GROOM BOOO FUCK OFF CAN’T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO REMEMBER HIS NAME CHEATING SCUM 

THIS FACE:

Baby is trying so hard and is so cute and nervous about it. SARAH LISTEN TO HIM HE LOVES YOU.

HE FELT GOOD WAKING UP BECAUSE OF YOUUUU, GIRL. DO NOT CALL IT “FUN”, SARAH 

“Going to bed maybe just got a little better” 😭😭😭😭

The entire cop scene is just pure insanity, very Lonely Island and I’m here for it even though I just want Sarah to rEALLY LISTEN TO WHAT NYLES IS TRYING TO SAY 

“Pain is real” oh babey that means SO MANY THINGS 🥺💔

“I followed you into that cave because I liked you!” like jake would say: don’t love how we got here but we’re going where i want

“pretentious sad boy” me

not shocked that they’ve hooked up before because c h e m i s t r y but don’t like how it got out :)))

why is nyles’ one sleeve shirt rolled up? im triggered

drinking pure vodka? oh babey its gonna be okay 

WE LOVE A SMART BOI WHO RECOGNIZES HIS GIRL’S PERFUME 

Sarah’s parents singing:)) i would cry too, nyles

"I love her.” “I see... That’s interesting” lmao savage

I actually really love Roy’s character. It turns out to be very humble actually and he has some insightful and lowkey poetic that lines i love. Besides that he’s hilarious. 

SO the whole time i was wondering how they’d get out of the whole “same day forever”-thing, if they were to. and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they had such a logical way out of it: science. Not anything cheesy like “a true love’s kiss” or “you learned your lesson”. Pure logic and Sarah’s hard work to get there. Huge fan of this. 

I will never get over how good Nyles looks waking up and Sarah is xtra pretty in that scene:’) 

Nyles just wants to stay in a loop forever because it means for sure that he gets to stay with Sarah forever and I’m lowkey into it but also like lowkey LISTEN TO HER AND GO WITH HER PLAN, NYLES

“I wanna stay with you” *sniffles*

“I love you. How about that?” PRETTY FUCKING GOOD 

I love Nyles’ character development. He started off so nonchalant and cold, closed off and by this point he’s the softest, smiliest in love fool I’ve ever seen and Andy does it so good. SAMBERG HEART EYES!!

“Nothing is real in here” YES SARAH UR LOVE IS

I’m taking Sarah’s asking Nyles to believe in her and leave with her as her first “I love you” because it’s very clear that she wants to leave with him rather than without. 

just- this entire scene i ugh <3 <3 <3 <3

BREAKING. UP. WITH. MISTY ! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

glass of wine filled to the brim? sarah’s my type of gal

the speech was really beautiful and sweet without being too cheesy and kudos to cristin for really delivering it like a pro! especially her “abe, don’t fuck this up” like yes girl kill him, chop him to pieces with your eyes!!! also camila is such really pretty bride

nyles looks like a cockatoo here :

nyles taking the shot and smashing the glass into the ground got me 🤭😵😏🥵

“I’m your son” I SCREAM

GIVE THE MAN A WHITE HORSE DAMNIT

Gotta admit Sarah looks like a bomb (lol nu pun intended) ass super hero in her bridesmaid dress and C4-gettup 

The sentence ending up being total grammatical gibberish but Nyles trying so. damn. hard is the sweetest thing ever and should and will go down in rom-com history. It’s super romantic but also well-balanced by humor and I just.. so good. This is the kind of characters and relationships I love and wanna write myself 

“you’re my favorite person that i’ve ever met” 🥺🥺🥺

“i’d rather die with you than live in this world without you” WHY AM I SO SINGLE SOMEONE LOVEE ME LIKE THIS 

okay so idk but “what if we get sick of each other?” “we’re already sick of each other. it’s the best.” is so so so soft, the way nyles says it like it doesn’t matter and is honestly another key moment for me: they’ve experienced basically everything imaginable during their time in the box/loop. they’ve liked, disliked, loved, hated each other and still: he loves her. the fact that nyles knows no matter what happens it won’t stop that because it’s them?? ouch my heart. 

this chaotic mess of a pairing?MESSY BOMB BRIDESMAID AND CURLY-HAIR HAWAII SHIRT-BOI!! MY OTp

Them dissing Nyles’ mom on their way into potential death? that’s love, baby 

the fUCKING KISSSSSSS MANNNNNNNNNN!!!! SO ICONIC AND THE EXPLOSION IN THE BACKGROUND AND JUST WE DESERVE THIS THEY DESERVE THIS EVERYONE DESERVES THISSSS!!! 

NEVER OVEER THIS EVER FOREVER NEVER

Ok so I was SURE that when it faded to black that it was done and I grew super ficking frustrated because it would leave us with this “the ending is up to whatever you chose”-kinda thing kinda a la Celeste and Jesse where it just feels unresolved and I WASN’T OKAY WITH THAT. So I’m so happy we got to know that it worked and the bebes will live happuilly ever after with Nyles’ shaggy dog:’) 

Their hands on each other’s knee >>>>>

all in all 100000/10 

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Eccentricity [Chapter 11: You Don’t Come Around No More]

A/N: I apologize profusely for the long wait. Thank you all so, so, so much for your support. Every single reblog, message, comment, emotional rant, and/or screech of despair makes my day, and I couldn’t do this without you. 💜 Only THREE more chapters left!!!

Series Summary: Joe Mazzello is a nice guy with a weird family. A VERY weird family. They have a secret, and you have a choice to make. Potentially a better love story than Twilight.

Chapter Title Is A Lyric From: “More To Life Than Baseball” by Petey. 

Chapter Warnings: Language, angsttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

Word Count: 7.5k. 

Other Chapters (And All My Writing) Available: HERE

Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii​​​​ @bramblesforbreakfast​​​​​​​ @maggieroseevans​​​​​ @culturefiendtrashqueen​​​​​ @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark​​​​​ @escabell​​​​​ @im-an-adult-ish​​​​​​ @queenlover05​​​​​ @someforeigntragedy​​​​​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​​​​​ @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhyee​​​​​ @deacyblues​​​​​ ​ @tensecondvacation​​​​ @brianssixpence​​​​​ @some-major-ishues​​​​ @haileymorelikestupid​​​​ @youngpastafanmug​​​​ @simonedk​

The Rain

I wish I felt empty.

I’m supposed to feel empty, right? I’m supposed to feel steeped in grey, oceanic misery; I’m supposed to dip in and out of depressive naps all day and sob delicately over creased photos and fading, wistful memories. I always envisioned heartbreak as a soft and inherently feminine sort of affliction: the hems of nightgowns and bathrobes sweeping along hardwood floors, Kleenex boxes and concave couch cushions, weepy phone calls to friends and aunts and mothers, Queen Victoria wearing black for the rest of her life after Prince Albert’s death, Mary Todd Lincoln sinking into dark and hushed obscurity. Women, hollowed out by despair, cross the history of the earth like lines of latitude.

I don’t feel empty at all. I don’t even feel sad. I feel razored by sharp, red, ceaseless anxiety. I am consumed by thoughts of what I did wrong, what I said that started the wheels of doubt spinning in his mind, if he had known how it would end from the start. I dream of white, clawed hands dragging me down through cold waves. I hear words scream to me as I toss at night in my suddenly too-spacious bed, words that now hit me like knuckles to the gut: Shhh, hey, it’s just me, don’t get up, as Joe slipped beneath the Arizonan blankets, wrapped an arm around my waist, kissed my collarbone as I tumbled back into sleep; I love you to death, as his Subaru idled in Charlie’s driveway; Baby Swan, listen to me, nothing is supposed to hurt, okay, so if anything hurts, ever, at all, you tell me and we stop, deal? as we stood in the doorway of our hotel room at the Four Seasons in Chicago. And now...and now...

And now everything fucking hurts.

It doesn’t make any sense; and yet it does. Look at him. Look at me.

The Polaroid photo from Homecoming was still taped to the top of my full-length mirror. I peeled it free like a layer of translucent, friable reptilian skin, tore it straight down the center, burned both halves over a brand new three-wicked, lemon-scented Bath And Body Works candle—a gift from Renee and Paul—and closed my eyes like a child casting a wish over her birthday cake like a spell. I wished for my memories to vanish with the photograph. I wished to get hit by a truck and wake up in the hospital with no recollection of the past two and a half months. I wanted the Lees to dissolve into distant, enigmatic mystery; I wanted to join the rest of Forks in believing that they were nothing more than bewildering and yet harmless freaks, barely worth noticing, one of those glitches of the matrix that were better off ignored like liminal seconds of déjà vu. I wished to carve out every part of myself that they had ever touched.

And Joe’s voice came rushing back from where we stood by that star-lit fountain outside the Church of Saint Lawrence, accompanied by falling raindrops and a crooked grin: I can make wishes come true.

The three tiny flames flickered in the breeze that sighed through my open window. The bright, citrusy scent of the candle reminded me of Lucy. I couldn’t fucking win. What else is new?

I turned back to the mirror. I flinched when my gaze snagged on my reflection: bloodshot-eyed, swollen-faced, utterly unbeautiful, restless like a caged animal. Look at him. Look at me.

I ripped the last memento off the mirror—Official Citation!! No More Sad Spaghetti!!—and watched the yellow square of paper catch fire, curl up around the edges, become unrecognizable, turn to ash. And I wished over and over again, like a poem, like a prayer: Let me forget, oh god please let me forget.

Charlie keeps asking if I’m okay. The answer, of course, is no; but I can’t tell him that. So I wear a serene smile like clip-on fangs, a cheap polyester cloak, crimson smudges of lipstick like trails of spilled blood down the side of my neck. Every day is Halloween for me now. I dress up as someone who isn’t haunted, who hasn’t become a ghost.

And when Charlie turns up the World Series or I’d Do Anything For Love on his geriatric, staticky kitchen radio—the same radio he’s had since my mother was the one joining him for daybreak coffee and Pop-Tarts—I choke back tears like dragonfire.

Missing In Action (Revisited)

Joe wasn’t here. Neither was Ben.

Lucy, Rami, and Scarlett were sipping cups of tea at the Lees’ usual table, their eyes downcast, their voices low and murmuring, their pristine lunches neglected. Lucy and Rami were dressed in matching charcoal grey turtleneck sweaters; Scarlett had come from Fencing Club and was wearing royal purple yoga pants and a black tank top, her duffle bag of gear on the floor by her sneakered feet. Her hair was in a long fishtail braid. Archer hadn’t mentioned her since Joe broke up with me. That either meant that it was going blissfully and he didn’t want to injure me further, or that Scarlett had ended things as well.

Since Joe broke up with me. That sounds so fucking pedestrian.

I stared at the three present Lees, almost leered, commanding them to see me, to acknowledge me, to admit that I had once meant something to them, that this hadn’t all been some transitory delusion to fill the cavernous void of losing my home, my life as I knew it in Arizona. They took no notice whatsoever.

Jess kicked me beneath the lunch table. My attention snapped back to her.

“Sorry, what?”

“You want to go shopping with me and Angela tonight?” Jessica’s hands were folded just beneath her chin, her voice gentle, her eyes large and sympathetic and watery. This was her version of being supportive. I appreciated it...in a perpetually tormented and preoccupied sort of way.

“No thanks.” I forked my cold, sauceless spaghetti listlessly. I’d forgotten to pack a lunch. I didn’t have an appetite anyway. I had deleted the GrubHub app from my iPhone and had no intention of using it ever again in my comparatively short and calamitous human life.

“You could come to temple this weekend,” Jessica pressed.

“Uh.” Mingling with a churchful of sociable, wholesome, marriage-obsessed adolescent Mormons sounded like the absolute last thing I’d want to spend my evening doing. “That’s a really generous offer, but I’ll pass.”

“Well you have to do something,” Angela said. “You can’t just sit in your bedroom alone all weekend and stare at the wall and wallow in self-pity.”

We’ll see about that. I turned to Jess. “How’s Vodka Boy from your Indigenous Peoples of the Arctic class? Did he ever reappear? What’s his name again, Elmo? Ellington? El Chapo?”

“Ellsworth.” She frowned as she slurped her patron-drink-of-Mormons Sprite. “And no, he definitely failed out or overdosed or something, because he never came back.”

“Tragic,” I noted.

“But I’m pretty sure Mike’s coming over this weekend, so we’ll see if I can get some Netflix and chill action going.”

“Jess,” Angela chastised, widening her eyes and nodding to me subtly (but not quite subtly enough). No talking about getting lucky in front of the heartbroken single loser, that look said.

“I think I can be emotionally supportive without taking a goddamn vow of chastity, Angela!” Jessica hurled back.

“I gotta go.” I stood, threw on my backpack, discarded my nearly untouched lunch.

“You’ve barely eaten anything!” Angela protested. “You’ve barely eaten for a week!”

“I’ll live.” I picked my umbrella up off the slippery tile floor—peppered with muddy shoeprints and pearlescent drops of water fallen from coats and limp, sopping locks of hair—and headed out into the pouring rain. I hated the rain. I hated it. Maybe I had forgotten that for a while, but it all came hurtling back now like a hurricane, like a hand cracking across my face. I ached for the desert, for blatant and unapologetic heat, for palm trees and cacti and naked stars in the night sky. I had been researching marine biology graduate programs in the Southwest. There were good ones at UC San Diego, UC Santa Barbara, Texas A&M, the University of Southern California, UCLA. I would miss Charlie and Archer—and maybe Jessica and Angela on occasion—and absolutely nothing else about Forks. At least, that’s what I promised myself.

This is a no-giving-a-fuck-about-Lee-boys zone, I thought morosely.

Ben was brooding at our table in Professor Belvin’s classroom. It was the first time he’d shown up to Chemistry since that day Joe met me on the beach at La Push, since the place I’d once occupied in his universe had closed like a wound. I took my seat beside Ben. The window was shut today, the downpour outside torrential. Ben recoiled, just enough for me to notice; he was wearing his oversized black hoodie and practicing his Welsh, his handwriting messy and unbalanced.

“You could have warned me,” I said.

Ben didn’t glance up from his notebook. “Would that have made it any easier?”

“No,” I realized in defeat. I guess it wouldn’t have. I pulled my own notebook, my favorite pen, and a can of Diet Coke out of my backpack.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Ben said. “You really need to know that. It had nothing to do with you. And none of us are happy with the current situation. None of us.”

None of them. That included Joe. “Interestingly, that didn’t stop him from creating it.”

Ben was thoughtful, debating his next words. “We’re probably going to be moving soon.”

“What?” I startled; my turquoise blue pen dropped out of my grasp and rolled across the table. Ben snatched it up and returned it to me. “Really?”    

“Yeah.”

“And what, just redo this whole college thing?”

Ben shrugged. “We’ll probably start our junior years over again. Gwil will say there was some horrible family tragedy and we needed a few semesters off. I could use the extra time to figure out Calc anyway. Parametric equations make me want to kill myself.”

I just stared at him. It didn’t make any sense. “But...why would the whole family leave Forks? Because of me? One pathetic, aggrieved human? Do you all pack up and relocate every time Joe fucks and dumps someone? That must be exhausting.”

“It’s better for everyone if we get some distance. Put more space between our world and yours.”

“But...” I tried to imagine never seeing any of them again: no Mercy humming merrily as she tossed handfuls of homegrown carrots to the alpacas, no Dr. Lee dabbing away my blood with an ageless sort of patience, no Scarlett or Lucy or Rami, no brief glimpses of Joe as he avoided me in the campus library. It’s exactly what I wanted; and yet it wasn’t. It so, so, so, so wasn’t. It keeps getting worse. How is that possible? My voice was flimsy and quivering, absolutely pitiful. Disgustingly pitiful. “Who will be my lab partner?”

Ben peered over at me with wide, confused green eyes. And then—gingerly, awkwardly, like holding an acquaintance’s baby for the first time—he laid his hand over mine. “I’ll miss you too.”

Professor Belvin lectured about coordinate covalent bonds. I didn’t absorb a word. I conjugated Italian verbs with my turquoise blue pen, sketched disordered whirlpools of ink, tried not to think about whether this was my last-ever Chemistry class with Ben, whether it was my last-ever weekend sharing Forks with the Lees. Those rageful, frantic thoughts were back. What did I do wrong? What didn’t I do right? Why did he have to leave?

My nomadic gaze caught on a flier on the wall next to our misted window. I had assumed it was a leaflet for some club or protest or seasonal dance that I would definitely not attend, but it wasn’t. It was a missing poster.

Have you seen this student? the flier asked in bold, businesslike black font. It was urgent, but not quite despairing; not yet, anyway. I could hear a Dean of Student Affairs cajoling some affluent, strings-of-pearls-adorned mother over the phone: Yes ma’am, you have my full attention and I can assure you that we’re very concerned, but I’m sure it’s all just a misunderstanding...he’s probably gone backpacking or sailing with some friends and forgotten to call home. You know how college students can be. Beneath a large photo of a grinning blond kid—pink polo, flushed cheeks, clever crop job to nix a can of Natty Light clutched in one fist—was a name: Ellsworth Jonathan Griffin.

Ellsworth, I thought, my stomach plummeting. The guy from Jessica’s Indigenous Peoples of the Arctic class. He hadn’t failed out. He was missing. Missing like a 20/20 episode or a true crime podcast, missing like the pregnant stillness before a murder is confessed in some glaringly florescent-lit interrogation room, before a distended and bloodless corpse washes up on shore.

I turned to Ben. He noticed me eventually, crinkled his brow, shrugged in that way that seemed so petulant if you didn’t know him well enough to not be offended.

I pointed to the flier and raised my eyebrows. Ben twisted around in his chair to look. Then he sighed, scribbled a sentence in the corner of a piece of notebook paper, tore it free, and slid it across the table.

Ben’s note read, in atrocious penmanship: Are you seriously asking me if I ate that guy?

Maybe, I wrote back after a moment’s hesitation. Maybe that wasn’t exactly what I was asking; maybe I just wondered if he knew anything about it.

In either case, Ben’s reply was swift and resounding, and underlined three times: No.

Sorry, I wrote, abruptly remorseful. I am a jerk. And I added a frowny face for good measure. Ben chuckled when he saw it, shook his head, gave me a drawn little smirk. His words tiptoed around in my skull, leaving searing imprints like footprints in the sand. I’ll miss you too.

I have to forget about them. I drummed my turquoise blue pen against my notebook as Professor Belvin drew families of molecules on the whiteboard with squealing dry erase markers. I have to find a way to make myself forget.

Jessica was waiting for me in the hallway after class. It was part of her convince-Baby-Swan-not-to-jump-off-a-cliff initiative. “Hey.”

“Okay,” I told her with steely resolve. “I’m ready for you to set me up with one of those guys from your church or temple or whatever. I’m ready to be a nice wholesome wife, pop out like six kids, learn how to scrapbook, give up caffeine and horror movies, do the whole white picket fence thing. Sign me up.”

Jessica blinked at me. There were flecks of fallen mascara on her cheekbones like ashes. “What?”

“You’re a Mormon, right?”

“Girl, I’m not a Mormon,” Jessica said, puzzled. “I’m a witch.”

Lucille

I found Joe where he usually was these days: sprawled on the sofa, engulfed in the same blue Snuggie he’d been wearing for thirty-six uninterrupted hours, gazing catatonically at the big-screen tv. A 90 Day Fiancé marathon was on. Some rodentish guy named Colt was apologizing to his gorgeous, aspiring-green-card-holding Brazilian love interest for calling the cops on her during their last screaming match. He was also apologizing for the fact that they lived in a two-bedroom apartment with his mother. I didn’t need clairvoyance to see where their future was headed.

“Hey,” Ben said when he spotted me. He was sitting next to Joe and occasionally tried to shove pieces of popcorn into his mouth, which Joe accepted passively like coins plinked into a gumball machine. Ben had been his shadow for the past week; he was perhaps the best equipped of us to understand this degree of melancholy, of hopelessness.  

“Ciao.” And then, to Joe: “How are you?”

“Terrible,” he replied, not tearing his eyes from the tv.

“I figured.” I squeezed between them on the couch, curled up next to Joe, rested my chin on his shoulder. He ignored me completely. I could hear Mercy tapping at her laptop keyboard out in the dining room; she was browsing through Zillow listings in Portland, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Cleveland. Dear god, please don’t let us end up in fucking Cleveland. “Guess what.”

Joe stared at the tv for a long time before he answered. “What.”

“I had a vision of you. Just now, as I was doing laundry. Crystal clear and very scenic too, I might add.”

“Fascinating,” Joe said flatly.

“What happened in this vision?” Ben asked, far more invested, which I was thankful for.

“It was pretty far away, maybe a year from now. I saw you in the desert at night, under a full moon. There were cacti everywhere. The shadow of the Milky Way was threaded through the sky, and the stars were very bright. I could make out the constellations Pegasus and Cassiopeia. You were filling up a tiny glass bottle with dirt.”

“That’s remarkably helpful,” Joe said.

“It is, a little bit,” I insisted. “It means you get through this. That you have a future. I get nervous when I go too long without a vision of someone in the family. But now I know you’re going to be okay.”

The reflections of the feuding 90 Day Fiancé couples danced in his glassy eyes. “Being alive doesn’t mean you’re okay.”

“That’s dark,” Ben said. “Even I think that’s too dark.” He pushed a handful of popcorn into Joe’s mouth. “Are you gonna hunt at some point or what?”

“No.”

“You’re just gonna sit on this couch and waste away?”

“Yeah.”

“You want me to bring you anything? Grizzly bear? Brown bear? Fuck it, I’ll get you a polar bear if that’s what you want. There’s probably some on the black market. Rami would know.”

“He what?” Mercy called from the kitchen. Her typing had stopped.

“Nothing, Mom!” I shot back.

“I don’t want anything,” Joe said. That was a lie, of course. We all knew what he wanted. Rami couldn’t stand to be around him; the thoughts were relentless, smothering.

I linked my arms around Joe’s neck, laid my head against his chest, sighed deeply and mournfully. “I’m sorry,” I told him. “I know that doesn’t fix anything. But I’m so, so sorry. And I’ll help however I can. We all will.”

And I had accepted that Joe wasn’t going to respond at all when he finally whispered: “I just wish I could forget.”

Cato

My rolling suitcase snagged on the cobblestone driveway. The tiny spinning wheels bashed against concrete as I scaled the front steps. As the taxi pulled away, I dug around in my suit pocket for my keys, found them, unlocked the enormous front door, stepped inside the palace as my suitcase trolled along the marble floor.

“Cato’s back!” Charity announced as she breezed down the nearest staircase, beaming and embracing me. She was a lovely, innately warm woman from Pointe-Noire, Congo; she still wore the silver cross necklace her mother had once given her around her neck. “Did you have a nice flight? Wait, let me check.” She pressed the fingertips of her right hand to my cheek. I felt the memories rush up like blood to a flushed face: the bite of sipped champagne against my tongue, the thin semi-transparent newspaper pages gliding between my fingers, the husky voice of the bearded, bearish naval officer who sat in the seat beside me, the misted silhouette of Vladivostok as it rose up out of the Pacific Ocean. “Uneventful, but pleasant enough. You flew commercial?”

“The jets were otherwise occupied, apparently.” Charity could see things with the predictability and precision that Lucy so often lacked, but only the past. I pushed her hand away. “Was that really necessary?”

“You’re not mad,” Charity declared, confident, impish, helping me shed my suit jacket and draping it over her arm. “You’re never mad.”

She was very nearly correct. “Where are the rest of the kids?”

“In the kitchen. Go say hello, they’ve missed you dreadfully.”

“I know the feeling.” I kicked off my Berlutis, ran a palm over the wiry fur of the Irish Wolfhounds that appeared to greet me before they resumed padding watchfully around the palace, and went to the kitchen, my black socks slipping a bit on the marble floors.

I could hear their voices before I reached the door: laughter, teasing, complaints, requests. The scents of pancakes and cold butter and maple syrup were thick in the air. Charity was one of our four newest recruits, and they all still had that energetic lightness of being human, a youthful enthusiasm, a relative normalness. I spent quite a lot of time with them. It was my job—to help with the transition, to keep them happy, to facilitate the welding of their individual parts into the beastly machine that was the Draghi—but oftentimes it felt more like a reprieve. Some would stay close to me as they matured, others would grow in different directions, like ambitious vines climbing the skeleton of a garden trellis. I usually missed them when they ‘grew up,’ so to speak...although there were exceptions. I had never liked Liesl. I had always liked Ben. I opened the door.

“Ah, you are home!” Ksenia cried from where she stood over the stove, a spatula in her right hand, bouncing excitedly in place on her small bare feet.

“Hey!” Max and Austin called together. They were both sitting with their shoes propped up on the unglamorous kitchen table. There was a massive formal dining room that could accommodate up to twenty-five guests, but we rarely used it.

“Good morning,” I said, aware that I was smiling for the first time in days.

Max groaned as he scrolled through his Google search results on a burner phone. “What the fuck. My name is one of the top five dog names again. I think I’m gonna have to change it.”

I ruffled his long blond hair, stealing a piece of bacon from his plate. Max had grown up a trust fund kid in Perth, Australia. His mother was old money; his father was a professional surfer. “Your name is fine.”

“Really, Kato Kaelin? Is it really? How am I supposed to intimidate people when I have a fucking dog name?”

“So make them call you Maximilian,” offered Ksenia in a heavy Ukrainian accent. She’d only been with us for eight months, but her English was coming along swimmingly. She flipped a massive A-shaped pancake on the sizzling griddle. That one was for Austin.

“Seriously?” Max said. “That is just way too many syllables. They’ll be halfway down the block by the time I’m done introducing myself. ‘Hey, come back mate, I haven’t killed ya yet.’”

“At least you aren’t stuck with a basic-white-boy-circa-1992 name for all of eternity,” said Austin Tyler McInerny, originally of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. He was chomping on a multicolored Fruit Roll-Up, which swung from his mouth like a lizard’s tongue. He’d been working at an ailing skatepark when Larkin found him. He still enjoyed showing off his kickflips, and kept insisting that he was going to teach me how to ollie. I didn’t have the faintest idea what an ollie was.

“Do you want a pancake, Cato?” Ksenia asked, passing Austin his plate and wiping her hands on her pink apron. Her black hair was tied in a high ponytail with a matching rose-colored ribbon. She looked so young. She was so young, actually. Nineteen. And she would be forever.

“No, thank you dear. I’m alright.”

“I like Alaric,” Max decided. “First king of the Visigoths. Alaric is a name fit for a vampire. Creepy, yet dignified. Or maybe Silas. Or Draco.”

Austin shook his head as he swirled a river of viscous maple syrup over his A-shaped pancake. “Definitely not Draco.”

“Why not?”

“Well, the Harry Potter connection is unfortunate. People will hear Draco and think of that obnoxious white-haired kid from the evil snake-people house or whatever.”

“Oh, right,” Max sighed. “Like I said. Alaric would work.”

“So many A-shaped pancakes!” Ksenia poured a K on the griddle for herself.

“It’s good for you,” Austin replied, pointing at her with his fork. “We’re practicing English.”

“Alaric Luther,” Max mused, scrolling through his phone. I didn’t think he’d find that on any list of trendy dog names. “Alaric Lothaire...Alaric Lucian...”

“I like your name, Max,” Larkin said from the doorway. None of us had heard him arrive. He was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, wearing a deep maroon suit and a ring on every finger, grinning hugely. He was exactly as I remembered him: stunning, captivating, terrifying. The kitchen fell quiet. I could smell Ksenia’s pancake beginning to burn.

At last Max chuckled nervously, pushing soggy pancake hunks around on his plate with his fork, averting his gaze. “Guess I’ll keep it then.”

“I thought I heard you come in,” Larkin told me.

“It’s always a pleasure to be home.”

He nodded out towards the hallway. “Come. Regale me with the stories of your travels.” Then his eyes flicked down to my socks, and he grimaced—slightly, briefly—before turning away. “And find your shoes.”

I followed him through the hallway, the living room, the grand front foyer with the crystal chandelier, into the elevator. Larkin did not speak, but he hummed as we ascended: House Of The Rising Sun.

It hadn’t always been like this. It was difficult for me to pick out the details of what had changed—the tone of his voice, the proportion of wonder and gratitude I associated with him versus fear, the way this palace (or the one in Reykjavik, or Juneau, or Ivalo, or Murmansk, or any of the others) felt when I stepped inside it—but I knew something had. It had begun before Ben left. It was much worse now. Older vampires, in my fairly learned opinion, are something like the stars. They mellow as they age, temper their character flaws, grow wise and patient like Nikolai or Honora or Gwilym Lee; or they rage until they burn away every last atom of humanity, until they destroy themselves and take entire solar systems down with them. Increasingly, I harbored fears that Larkin was a vampire of the latter variety. And we were all his planets.

In his study, Larkin dropped into the chair behind his desk, brought a hand to his forehead, surveyed a disarrayed flurry of papers: letters, notices, deeds and titles, meticulously managed accounts of finances and disciplinary actions. Larkin had a laptop and burner phone, of course, as we all did; but he liked to work in paper as much as possible. That’s how he’d done things for centuries, since long before the name of the inventor of the internet (or harnessed electricity, for that matter) was a whisper on his parents’ lips. The sky outside was clouded and seeping soft rain.

“Things have been busy?” I ventured.

He frowned, gesturing to the cluttered desk. “I’m in purgatory.”

“I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Can I help?”

“The Lancaster coven says they’ll need an extension for their dues. That’s the second year in a row, now it’s not just an exception, it’s a precedent. If you let one coven bend the rules, others will follow. So something will have to be done. Then there’s Stockholm. Anders’ coven has eaten a few too many locals—including the mayor’s favorite niece—and now the city is launching an investigation. Fucking idiots. They’ll probably all have to relocate. There’s some new territory dispute in Lima between Alejandro’s coven and a group of strangers that just came out of the Andes. We’ll have to make their acquaintance, of course. And as if all that weren’t enough, Rigel accidentally fed on a heroin addict and he’s currently detoxing in a cell in the basement. Would you check on him for me? I’m sure your presence will be a...” He waved his hand distractedly, almost dismissively, searching for the words. “A comfort to him.”

“Of course.”

“How are the Lees?”

“Fine. Typical. Gwil’s putting in a lot of hours at the hospital. Rami’s planning to get another law degree. Ben is, uh, adjusting. Slowly, very slowly. He’s not particularly content. But he hasn’t murdered anyone that I’m aware of.”

“How nice.” Now his eyes darted up to catch mine: focused, luminous, unreadable. “Nothing new at all?”

And instantly, I wanted to tell him everything. I forgot why I had ever planned to blunt the girl’s existence, to conceal her talent entirely; I felt her name rising in my throat. And then I remembered again. I’m doing this for Gwil, for Ben.

I pretended to ponder Larkin’s question, as if it was so difficult to remember, as if there was nothing left to sift through but a trunkful of mundane details from the trip like a grandfather’s tattered correspondence and tarnished war relics. That was something an average family might have squirreled away in their attic, I assumed; I’d never met my own grandfather, and he sure as hell wouldn’t have had anything to leave me if I had. “Joe’s got some new girlfriend, but I don’t think it’s serious. I doubt she’ll be around long. You know how Joe is. Scarlett’s seeing someone too, actually. A Quileute kid.”

“Poor boy.” And Larkin grinned like a shark beneath burning eyes. “He’s in for a lifetime of disappointment. Who will ever be able to hold a candle to those memories?”

Larkin had a moderate preoccupation with Scarlett’s beauty, her...tenacity. Her lack of talent was a great disappointment to him, a somehow more egregious fault than Joe or Gwil or Mercy’s. What a shame, Larkin often said. And I believed I knew what came after in his mind, although never aloud: What a partner she could have been.

He was still grinning at me. His expression was hollow, vacuous. A shiver clawed down my spine. He was waiting for something. No, he was searching. I stared back, and I willed for that intangible, contagious harmony I carried around like a wedding ring to hit him like carbon monoxide or bromine: undetected and yet inexorable, knocking him off his path of inquisition.

What does he suspect? What does he already know?

“Anyway,” Larkin continued abruptly, turning his attention back to his paperwork. “I’m glad there’s nothing to worry about in Forks. Liesl will be back in the next few days, Rigel will be ready to work again, I’ll come up with a plan to handle all this and my mood will improve tremendously.”

And where has Liesl been? I almost asked; and then I didn’t. It was a good sign that she was coming home. I had looked for her once while I was in Forks. When I made up my mind to find someone—when that switch flipped in my skull or in the tangle of nerves of my solar plexus or wherever it lived—it wasn’t like poking around on Google Earth: zooming in here, scrolling over there. A goldish trail lit up on the floor, a ‘Yellow Brick Road’ Honora and I sometimes joked, and I followed it. And I had no way of knowing how far that trail might lead. A route heading dead east from the palace might stop in the next town over or continue across the Pacific Ocean; my search might last one day or a hundred. In Forks—as I perched in a soaring western hemlock tree in the forest outside the Lee residence on a cool October evening—Liesl’s trail had led north. North to Vancouver, to Victoria, to Dawson, to Alaska? Who the fuck knew. I was just relieved it hadn’t led to the tree next to mine.

“Well, as always, I’m happy to assist however I can,” I told Larkin. “Just let me know and I’ll be on the next flight out of Vladivostok.”

“I appreciate that, Cato.” He smiled, paternally this time. And then he spun his chair around to peer out the window into the episodic flares of lightning that illuminated great dark clouds like neurons in a celestial brain. I hate thunderstorms. They remind me of South Carolina. “But I think you’ve earned a rest.”

After checking in on Rigel—irritable, frenetic, pacing, and yet predictably pacified somewhat by my visit—I trotted up the main staircase to the second floor of the palace. I found her in our bedroom: sitting at her easel, a paintbrush held in one graceful hand, an image like a photograph on the canvas. I promptly pried off my Berlutis for the second time today and tossed them into the closet.

“Ciao, amore,” I said.

“Ciao!” Honora replied, beaming. Her curly brunette hair was pinned up and away from her face; wayward tendrils spiraled down to brush her bare shoulder blades, the back of her neck. “Just give me five minutes...I have to finish the shadow of this tree...”

There weren’t many in the Draghi who survived the transition from Nikolai’s leadership to Larkin’s, but Honora had. She was gentle to a fault, a hopeless warrior, turned into an immortal on her forty-fourth birthday when Rome was still an empire; and she was without any talents whatsoever, except for one which was useless in combat. Her paintings, drawings, and sculptures adorned every palace the Draghi owned. Each year, Larkin would ask her to paint all of us together, incorporating any new faces, erasing the memories of those who had proven themselves unworthy. One such portrait, I knew, hung in Gwilym Lee’s home office.

I went to the woman I called my wife, laid my palms on her shoulders, leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “Take your time, love.”

“Everything’s alright?” Honora asked, looking hopefully up at me with large, wide-set jade eyes. No, not just hopefully. Trustingly.

“Everything’s alright,” I agreed, not knowing if I believed it.

Shadows And Spells

“He just...just...disappeared?!” Jessica sputtered, scandalized, gaping at me as she held a Styrofoam cup of spiked apple cider in her clasped hands.

We were on a quilt near the outskirts of the sea of beach towels and blankets that circled the bonfire. Women—wearing flowing dresses or robes or tunics or not very much at all—flounced around the flames banging tambourines and reciting chants that I didn’t know the words to. Some carried torches, beacons of heat and light in the darkness. Jessica was wearing a short black shirt, fishnet tights, and a black crop-top turtleneck sweater; I had opted for a bohemian blue dress patterned with stars, an old thrift shop find and the closest thing I owned to Wiccan festivities apparel. I had a cup of hot apple cider as well, enhanced with a generous splash of Captain Morgan, but hadn’t quite conjured up the rebelliousness to drink it yet.

I suddenly recalled Mercy bringing me an endless supply of virgin autumnal sangrias as Joe and I swam in the hot tub on the Lees’ back porch. As soon as you turn twenty-one, you can have the real thing. I frowned, shuddered, took a bitter and burning sip.

“Yeah,” I replied. “He told his roommate he was going to a frat party or something and never showed up and never made it back home either. The parents are blaming the university, the university is insisting he must be off with a girlfriend or on some hipster soul-searching nature adventure or whatever, it’s a mess.”

“Jesus,” she murmured. “What does your dad say?”

“He’s been helping the state police with the investigation. There’s really no evidence of anything. No witnesses, no footprints, no surveillance footage, no handy anonymous tips...”

“No body,” Jessica finished.

“That’s morbid.” I downed the rest of my cider. Was the world already beginning to list like a ship on choppy waves, or was that just my imagination? I guess it would be possible. I’d barely eaten all day.

“You were thinking it.”

“Well, one’s mind does tend to wander towards homicide under such circumstances.”

“It is the season of the dead.” She grinned wickedly, then took my empty cup. “He’s probably fine. I bet he wants to drop out to become a weed farmer and hasn’t worked up the guts to tell his parents yet. You want another?”

“Sure.”

“Cool. I’ll be right back.” Jess rose to balance on black boots with five-inch heels and staggered off to the foldable table piled high with cans and bottles and snacks. I was getting the impression that her Wiccanism was more of a novelty than a spiritual commitment.

The season of the dead. Now that’s VERY morbid.

There were some guys laughing, smoking home-rolled cigarettes, and toasting glasses of red wine on a nearby mandala blanket, bespectacled intellectual types who were probably getting PhDs in Anthropology or Medieval Studies at the University of Washington. One of them—curly-haired, pale-eyed, wearing a sweater vest and a cautious smile—raised his wine glass in my direction. I waved back without much enthusiasm.

“He’s cute, right?” Jessica asked, plopping back down onto our quilt and shoving a full cup of spiked cider into my grasp. She motioned for me to drink. I did. “That’s Sebastian, but he likes to be called Bash. He’s twenty-three and speaks fluent German.”

“Charming.”

“He’s very...uh...gifted. I’m not saying I know from personal experience, but I’ve heard it from a very reliable source. And his parents own a beach house in Monterey. You could go skinny-dipping.”  

“In the ocean?” The world was definitely wobbling now. I was warm all over, numbed, fuzzy; it was becoming difficult to picture Joe’s face, to hear his voice. This was good. I kept drinking. “No thanks. Too many sharks. They have great whites down there.”

Jess tossed her long, loose hair and sighed impatiently. “I’m just saying that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. So you should pursue that.”

“I’ll totally consider it.” I lied. I would not consider it.

She smiled, sympathetically, fondly. “I can’t believe you thought I was a Mormon.”

“I can’t believe I’m out in the Washington wilderness commemorating the Gaelic festival of Samhain, but here we all are.”

Jess glanced over my shoulder. “Oh my god. He’s coming over here.”

“Ugh.” I craned my neck to see. Sebastian—whoops, my mistake, Bash—was approaching. “Please distract him. I don’t want to talk to anyone. Also I’m pretty sure I’m getting drunk and I don’t want to do anything humiliating, like sob uncontrollably about how much I miss my ex-boyfriend.”

“Don’t worry. I gotchu, Baby Swan.”

“Hey Jess,” Bash said, but he was looking at me. He pitched his cigarette off into the trees. What the fuck, who does that?

“Only you can prevent forest fires,” I told him in a woozy, mock-Smokey Bear voice.

“What?” he asked, baffled.

“Ignore her, she’s drunk,” Jess said quickly. “So what’s up? Come on, sit with me. Keep me toasty. Teach me some German...”

As they chatted and giggled and snuggled closer together—I’m starting to think that Jessica might have been her own reliable source—I studied the forest, watching to make sure the cigarette didn’t begin to smolder in the damp brush. The voices and crackling of the bonfire and sharp ringing of the tambourines faded into one muted, uniform drone. The trees reeled in the haze of the spiked cider; the cool wind moaned through them. And then, for only a second: a glimpse of something impossibly quick, something silvery and reedy and sunless.

What was that?

I blinked. It was gone. I blinked again, staring penetratingly. The swarming heat from the cider evaporated from my skin, my blood. There were goosebumps rising all over me.

What the hell was that?

I remembered how Calawah University students sometimes reacted to Ben: flinching, withdrawing, autonomically fearing him on some primal, evolutionary level. They knew he was a predator. They knew they were prey. It was chillingly similar to what I was feeling now.

I have to get out of here. I have to go home.

I shot to my feet. Oh, wrong move, that was too quick. I swayed, and Jessica reached up to steady me. “Are you—?!”

“I’m fine,” I said. “I gotta go home now.”

“What?! We just got here! Look, chill out, let me get you some vegan samosas or something—”

“No, seriously, I have to go.”

“Okay, okay,” Jessica conceded. “I’ll finish my drink and we’ll call an Uber, alright?”

“Really?” Bash asked, crestfallen.

“I’ll call an Uber,” I told Jess. “You stay, I’ll go.” Maybe she shouldn’t stay, I thought foggily, irrationally. Maybe it’s not safe.

“I can’t let you go alone. I got you drunk and now you’re a mess and if you end up murdered it would be my fault. There are unsolved mysteries going around, you know.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Girl, there’s no way I’m gonna—”

“I’ll call you as soon as I get in the Uber and I’ll stay on until I’m physically inside my house, okay?”

Jessica considered this. Bash leaned in to nibble her ear. I could smell the red wine and nicotine and animalistic lust sweating out of his pores. And unexpectedly, agonizingly: a biting flare, a muscle memory, Joe’s fingertips skimming down the small of my back and his scent like winter nights saturating the capillary beds of my lungs. Stop, stop, stop. “Okay,” Jess agreed at last.

“Awesome.” I was already opening the Uber app on my iPhone.

My driver was a Pacific Northwestern version of Santa Claus: wild grey beard, red flannel, L.L.Bean boots, rambling about his upcoming trip to hunt caribou in British Columbia. I honored my promise to Jessica and kept her on speakerphone for the duration of the twenty-minute drive. I rested my whirling head against the seat, let my eyes dip closed, watched the intermittent streetlights appear and disappear through my eyelids. I let myself into Charlie’s house when I arrived, wished Jessica goodnight (and reminded her not to get pregnant), and meandered clumsily into the kitchen for a glass of water and a cookie dough Pop-Tart to ward off a possible hangover. Charlie was snoring quietly on the living room couch. I watched him for a while, smiling and achingly grateful, before heading upstairs to my bedroom.

My window was wide open; that’s the first thing I noticed. I didn’t remember leaving it that way. I was always neglecting to lock the window, sure—I kept forgetting that there was no one to leave it unlocked for anymore—but I hadn’t left it open when I went to meet Jessica this evening. Icy night air flooded in. The stars were bright and furious in an uncommonly clear sky.

“You trying to give me pneumonia, old man?” I muttered, thinking of Charlie. I tossed my iPhone down onto my bed and crossed the room to close the window. And as it creaked and collided with the sill, I heard my closet door open behind me.

Someone’s here. Someone’s in this room with me.

I turned, very slowly; it felt like it took a lifetime. She was standing in the doorway of my closet, sinuous and white-haired, wearing black leather pants and stiletto heels and a long-sleeved lace blouse the color of blood, the color of her eyes. And she was harrowingly beautiful; not like Lucy or Mercy, not like Scarlett. She was beautiful like a prehistoric jawbone, like a serrated crescent moon, like a blade.

The owl. The goddamn albino owl.

I recognized her immediately. I heard Joe’s words as he introduced each vampire in the immense painting hanging in Dr. Lee’s upstairs office to me, though I desperately didn’t want to: She’s literally Satan, only blonder.

Her name tumbled from my trembling lips. “Liesl.”

“Wonderful, we can skip the introductions.” Her voice was like windchimes, cutting and brisk, with a hint of an Austrian accent like a shadow. Now she was at my bedside and picking up my phone, scrolling through it with lightning-quick and dexterous thumbs. “Hm. No texts from any of the Lees in the past week. So we don’t have to worry about them dropping by, I suppose. Joe got bored with you already, huh?”

“Evidently.” My own voice was brittle, anemic, weak; just like my ineffectual human body.

“That’s quick, even for him. How sad.” She sighed, tucking my iPhone into her red Chanel purse. “There’s a private jet waiting at the Forks Airport. Pack a bag. You have five minutes.”

“Please don’t hurt my dad,” I whispered, scalding tears brimming in my eyes.

“Of course not,” Liesl replied with a savage, saccharine smile. “Not yet, anyway.”

[deantransgressions2]

8x01 we need to talk about kevin

#1: the way i don't care about him......but a crime that he looks cute in this season. CRIMINAL.

time tag: this season :(

#2: say 'son of a bitch' one more fucking time.....i dare you

time tag: 4:22

#3: poured borax in sam's face. BORAX. could he not have aimed for his hands....or legs?

time tag: 7:24

#4: sam said he quit hunting. deans questions why he "turned tail on the family business" .....i thought we were over this.

time tag: 10:32

#5: "i wasn't dead" ok and sam would've known that how exactly??

time tag: 10:40

#6: "in fact, i was knee deep in god's armpit, killing monsters. which, i thought is what we actually do." isn't it funny how when dean goes through something he uses it as leverage. but when sam goes through something he deals with it, without making others feel obligated to respect him.

time tag: 10:46

#7: sam: "as far as i knew, what we do is the thing that got every single member of my family killed. i had no one. no one. and for the first time in my life, i was completely alone. and honestly, i didn't exactly have a roadmap."

dean during this speech: 😴😴. bc he clearly didn't listen to a word sam said. maybe because he doesn't actually care about sam. he only cares about the imaginary perfect version of sam that only lives inside his head.

time tag: 10:52

#8: "did you look for me, sam?" ...did u not just hear that he thought u were dead. r u good?

time tag: 11:15

#9: dean gets mad when sam hunts without him (s4), dean gets mad when sam doesn't hunt at all without him (s8), dean gets mad when sam gets an education without him (s1). what is the point...

time tag: 11:36

#10: dean seems to think kevin is sam's responsibility. sam didn't make kevin a prophet. sam did not get kevin kidnapped. sam isn't responsibile for everything that goes wrong in the universe. sam never got kevin's messages because he ditched his phones. sam has a right to pursue a normal life, especially when dealing with the loss of dean. here's a thought though, you know who was dean's responsibility? adam. you know who completely abandons him for 10 years? dean. just some hypocrisy to end this cute lil paragraph :)

time tag: 13:06

#11: just the fact that sam hasn't told dean about amelia and riot, is very very concerning. sam knows he can't tell dean anything good about his life, if said good thing didn't include dean. bc dean is possessive, in the most unhealthy, abusive way you can imagine. if you can't open up to your sibling, then you should probably get the fuck away from them.

time tag: 15:22

#12: purgatory flashback. snooze. why does dean get afterlife flashbacks , but sam got (1) and it was horrible imovie fire effect on his face....

time tag: idk whole fucking show

#13: "is that how you rationalize taking a year off?" a year off? why is dean acting like hunting is basically the us military. sam isn't on a fucking contract. it's his own damn life. he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

time tag: 18:18

#14: "was there a girl? ... there was a girl." if sam had said a he had a best male friend instead, then im betting 1000 dollars dean would've asked to meet him.

time tag: 19:15

#15: "so what? you dropped her peanut butter in her chocolate? how'd it happen" he says it with so much disinterest. what kinda of loving family member doesn't care when their sibling falls in love?

time tag: 20:06

#16: got very mad about the dog having once been in the car. but um, sam thought dean was dead? so dean's rules don't actually apply anymore.

time tag: 20:09

#17: "there was something about being there. it felt pure." is dean a psychopath? is he? psych majors lmk

time tag: 20:40

#18: said 'son of a bitch' again....can he not come up with something else? how about 'you silly goose' or 'fuck' or like literally anything else

time tag: 30:48

#19: sam: "so free will..that's only for you?" so sexy of him to say <3 iconic.

time tag: 32:01

#20: "sam, we have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean....we send every demon back to hell -- forever. every single bastard that destroyed our lives, killed our mother, killed jess. and you're not sure?"

this little speech is SO funny now. so fucking funny.

time tag: 32:11

#21: "all right, listen to me. i'm sorry about your girlfriend, okay? i am. but the sooner you get this, the better. you're in it now whether you like it or not. that means you do what you gotta do." (said to kevin) . dean get help.

time tag: 40:10

#22: called benny secretly, so sam doesn't find out. remind you of sam in s4? it should.

time tag: 40:32

[zayray030]

Iris West Allen Birthday Headcanon

Barry Allen-Her Husband

Barry wakes up at the crack of dawn and always gives makes her the best birthday breakfast ever. He also runs around preparing the area for her when she wakes up.

And when Iris wakes up, it's always to the amazing smell of food and sees her house full of iris's.

Barry tries to stop her from leaving the house, using some *ahem* conventional methods.

(The turtle necks can be unbearable but she'll survive the rest of the day with dignity considering her friends are crazy.)

Team Citizen (Linda, Cynthia and Chester included)

Confetti is poped the moment she walks into the room.

A ton of pictures are taken and put on everyone's insta.

They all sing her happy birthday. No matter how off key it is.

They all make a group effort to make her a cake. She tries not to judge it by its cover and was so happy that she didn't.

Chester makes her a fancy gadget. (Be creative on what it can be cause I honestly don't know.)

Allegra always makes her a nice card, gives her a hug and gives her a cool leather jacket.

Kamilla shows her a scrapbook of all the photos that she's taken of Iris. Some are sexy, some are goofy and and some are cute. She looks good in every single one of them.

Linda let's her use her account for a week to buy as much coffee as she wants. That's probably the greatest gift given, considering how many articles that girl has.

Cynthia alway breaches over and gives her something unique from another earth. (The multiverse exists. Fuck you bitch)

West Family

Her dad always sings her the most unique birthday songs that has everone in tears by the end of it.

Cecile always makes sure to drop in subtle hints about new cases she can work on. (Joe hates it but the look of pure happiness on Iris's face stops him from talking)

Wally gives her an important gem or rune from his travel that symbolises something important. He also squeezes her real tight in a hug to remind himself that it's actually Iris there.

Joe also gives her a huge hug and tells her a story about her mother before the drugs happened. She's always grateful.

Jackie (fuck you she's a West) gives her some pretty clothes and make up that suits her skin tone.

Jenna (although young) gives her a hand drawn card and it's the cutest thing ever.

Team Flash

Oh my Lord, it's humiliating.

Cisco, while amazing, can't sing. It's basically a screach.

Iris just sits there and takes it because he seems so happy.

Well at least until Killer Frost has enough and threatens to throw an icicle at him.

(he takes the hint quickly)

Caitlin gives her a pare of really nice earrings and a nice jacket. She also brings a note with it that says sorry.

(Iris has tried to get her to stop but she won't listen.)

Killer Frost gets her an icicle pendant along with a chocker. She also makes her a custom ice sculpture. She also has a little note that says sorry for killing her. She also grants her infinite hugs for the rest of the day.

Cisco, my boy, gets her 3 different outfits. 1) Work. She needs to look elegant but he adds his own Cisco twist to it. 2) Meta fighting. Even though she doesn't have powers she's a bad ass and he makes sure her outfits are useful to fight. 3)Lounge wear. That boy knows comfy mood and he's got her

Ralph always gives her some new article to work on and they team up for one day any day when Iris wants.

Sue gets her beautiful jewellery .

(she still doesn't know whether she stole it or not)

All the Wells team up to help give a iris her gift. They always either tell her a story, give her beautiful relics or write up a book for her. She's always grateful for them.

Team Arrow

It's madness.

They all like to pretend that they have this in the bag.

But they don't.

They're scared that something would go wrong after Oliver (who's alive) brought her a mirror.

(it was the scariest moment of everyones life when she dropped it and started screaming and crying.)

So after that they always panic and try to get her a perfect gift.

Thea always gets her clothes. She makes sure that they would suit her skin type and limited make up.

Roy, bless his soul, gives her mint chip chocolate and is instantly swarmed with a hug.

(he didn't comment on the small tears.)

Felicity gets her 2 bottles of expensive wines from the Queen cellar along with with chocolate strawberry.

Oliver always gives her an exclusive interview and a really expensive gift.

(he tried to joke that he would show her his abs but when Barry zoomed over and his eyes crackled with lighting he shut his mouth up. Barry's scary when someone else tries to make a move on Iris.)

Laurel gets her purse and a gift bag. In the gift bag there's a small knife and gun along with jewellery.

Diggle and Lyla team up on the gift. They give her a pretty ring that Diggle made (Oliver gave him lessons.) Lyla also makes sure to fill her on in what happens at ARGUS.

The rest all buy her a chocolate cake.

Rogues

Lisa gives her a hug and a golden accessory.

(the gold goes really well with Iris's skin tone and Lisa is always jealous.)

Snart gives her an ice sculpture and teaches her a few words in Russian.

Mick writes her a book. It ranges from writing a list of reasons why people like her to a fantasy story about vampires.

The rest of the rogues make sure not to attack Central City to the week leading up to her birthday to the week after the birthday.

Team Supergirl

Kara gives her a huge hug. No matter what. Iris will always get a hug and a fly around Metropolis.

Alex gets her a gun. She knows it's not exactly normal but she knows it'll protect Iris against aliens that don't take a hint.

Mon-El (fuck you. Him and Kara are amazing) gets her a gift bag full of twizlers.

The rest of the team make a bunch of cupcakes.

Winn makes her some new tech and tries to out make Chester and sometimes Cisco to see who can make the best gift.

Lois gives her a coupon to an amazing spa because she understands the pain of having an idiot husband who's a superhero.

Clark gives her an exclusive for CC Citizen.

Batwoman

Mary makes sure that she gives Iris a shout out on her Insta because she adores her newspaper.

Kate gets her the most expensive gifts and tries to out do Oliver. It's always a competition between those two.

Luke makes her some fancy gadgets and bakes her some cookies.

Everyone teams up to get her a ton of bottles of wine, a dozen boxes of chocolates and a ton of roses.

Legends

Sara gets her artifacts from the different time lines even if it ruins the time line.

Ray gets her a pair of heels

(the first time he does it it was inside joke between him and Iris. After it became a tradition)

John Constantine makes sure to ward her. He places a ton of protective spells around her.

(everyone's grateful)

The rest of the Legends get her books.

Charlie gets her make up knowing what will suit her skin tone.

All Together

It's a fucking nightmare.

There's balloons and tinsel everywhere.

The mess is unreal.

They get dumb drunk.

They sing her happy birthday.

They eat all the cake.

(they're all glad that everyone bought Iris so much cake with Barry and Wally there along with Jesse.)

All criminals are taken care of by the rogues

In the end Barry helps Iris carry all her gifts home and as they lay down she remembers she's still loved and everyone will always protect her.

Iris West Allen is fucking loved.

Spread the fucking word.

#Iris West is loved #fuck anyone who doesn't think so #i love this queen #A lot of references to the mirror verse #im still fucking salty #protect iris West Allen #Iris West deserves better.

[daddy-socrates]

okay I'm curious Why did you mention salior uranus in your thesis?

THANK you for asking because i love to talk about it hehe >:3c buckle up

back in undergrad, i was invited to do a senior thesis. i wanted to do mine on language and gender because my (problematique fave) professor whose class got me into the field at the start just... wouldn't use my pronouns. she's very bad at using pronouns and frankly i think she does not understand limits. a philosophy of language class does not mean you get to just say ~whatever.~

basically, this project was borne out of "hey! use my fucking pronouns :))" i had (have) pretty severe "i can fix her" disease :// i....... was not a really great student in undergrad. people who have followed me since then can probably attest to that through my personal ramblings. my advisor (a different professor) was disappointed in me like the whole way through and i live in constant fear that she will find this blog and go "oh! thats why you didnt pay attention in class, dumbass :)" (though maybe she would see this post and say "oh.... growth :)" who's to say)

but see, though i struggled to get myself to stay engaged in my advisor's class, both she and that problematique fave had assigned texts that would lend themselves beautifully to my dream project - even though i just..... had a terrible habit of misunderstanding readings to basically an absolute inverse degree. like it's a chronic issue. maybe i should have figured out "this is what im understanding so the opposite is probably more correct." i'm working on it, though, and i'm better at getting it the second time around now that im in grad school. ^^;;

SO this brings me back to my thesis: basically, why does language matter? one of my chapters was about representation. i talked about janet in the good place reminding people every day, "not a girl." i talked about haruhi fujioka from ouran high school host club, "i don't care if people see me as a guy or a girl. it's what's on the inside that's important." i talked about stevonnie from steven universe, being the first fusion to be addressed with they/them pronouns. i talked about jesse and james from pokemon and their frequent "gender swapped" costumes. and, at last, i talked about sailor uranus - tenou haruka - using both masculine and feminine self-referential language and presentation.

the thesis statement of my tragically mediocre thesis paper is basically "when you have access to language, you can better describe your experience and understand the experiences of others." you can come to a stronger self-understanding, form connections with others who share some traits, discover community, come into support, enact change, and so on.

the paper im writing "writing" right now for my epistemology class is pretty much an elevated version of that, though i'm focusing less on gender identity and discussing like.... more like the "concept of identity" itself. one of my first grad classes was hermeneutics - the study of meaning, where it comes from and where it leads - and there is so much ~delicious~ overlap between the texts for that class, those from the undergrad class on language, the undergrad class on gender and intersectionality, and my current class. my current paper is on "epistemic injustice;" that is, lack of access to language (whether deliberately or unconsciously through systems that no single individual person had set up) puts people at disadvantage for the huge sector of life that they otherwise could understand.

ALL THIS to say, i was a snarky asshole in undergrad but i have very real investment in media representation. if i had watched she-ra before i presented my paper, i would have included double trouble (my beloved), and i have yet to watch owl house but i see there's another they/them? we love they/thems <33 i am always thinking back on when korrasami became canon, how that was a huge moment of positive bisexual representation. i think about sophia in orange is the new black, introducing to a more adult audience different layers and kinds of violences that she and other trans women, especially she as a black trans woman, are uniquely at risk for.

my graduate school thesis is going to diverge a bit from the language of justice and of personal and group understanding to an even broader scale, though i am going to have a lengthy chapter on the matter. (literally like one hour ago i emailed my county representatives to say "hey, the training material for my substitute teaching agency Fucking Sucks, how can i help bring appropriate language and subsequent recognition of mentally ill, neurodivergent, and disabled folks to the stage?")

the many forms of the philosophy of language is what sparked my passion for the field, and i want to give language to those who may have difficulty understanding texts like i do. i want to take all that i am learning and share it as best i can with others, or at the very least, use it to aid my interactions with others. that's why i have this stupid tongue-in-cheek blog in the first place! academic shitposts and some current social and political events are so important to share.

i do have a side blog for fandom shit since i wasnt smart enough to make that the main and this the side, so fan artists see @/daddy-socrates liking their posts and i am So Sorry About That but like... i don't want to take everything in life so, so, gravely seriously. OBVIOUSLY there are subjects and scenarios that are not to be joked about, but i think we get so bogged down in the severity of all the global problems that we forget to play around a bit. purposely putting a handful of anime characters into my undergrad thesis was my way of being both playful and highlighting how fun is a critical social learning tool. it may well have been the only really solid thing about that project, honestly. i hope that in the future i can revamp it, using what i have now.

so............. that was WAY more than you asked for, but there you have it, my whole raison d'être. :'^) thanks for asking, hope i made sense

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sam stan ask game!!!! @stanfordsams​​ thanks for tagging me!

Sibling status (younger, middle, older, only child…) -   Only child!

How long have you been stanning for -  I started watching in 2012 and stopped watching after I finally watched s8 on boxset, around 2013/2014 sometime? (I *begged* my dad to take me to Walmart so I could buy it the day it was released) and after binging the whole thing I just... thought it sucked really bad....and started to fall out of the fandom. 2020 slingshotted me back into old obsessions though. I can have a little sam winchester to cope

Favorite Sam era -  sam is my baby in every single season BUT hence the URL, i love bitchy sanctimonious grieving psychic awakening sam from s1 SO much. baby faced coconut head bangs king <3

Favorite spn season, but if the only criteria was Sam’s hair - season 2 or 3 definitely. he has a rough patch while it’s growing out for a couple seasons and it finally looks good again in like, season 11, but peak sam is short haired sam. he looks like a lesbian and i love it for him <3

Favorite Sam-centric episode - does croatoan count??? that’s an absolute banger of an episode from start to finish....the codependency....the crying....i love everything about it. if that doesn’t count tho then born under a bad sign, jared is SO good at acting unhinged. honorable mention to playthings, the greatest episode of all time (jirt)

Any ships you may like to mention -   samruby. why? genevieve padalecki sexiest woman alive and sam drinking demon blood was his RIGHT he DESERVED a hot girl summer. one of the fundamental reasons i get obsessed with this show is the extremely fucked up character dynamics and samruby really fits the bill

Favorite song you would/have put in a Sam playlist -  numb by linkin park............this is so chaotically embarassing of me and i don’t even listen to linkin park anymore but that song is such a sam song, esp around s4/s5, that i have to believe it was written about him only

If you could steal one thing from Sam’s wardrobe, it would be - purple dog shirt!!!! i actually used to own one and outgrew it and when i finally get another stable job i am going to order another one <3 it’s my right as a lesbian and as a s1 sam stan

Complete the sentence: If Sam cishet, why... -  if sam cishet, then why unclean in the biblical sense?

Favorite unhinged Sam moment -  full on ugly crying-sobbing about having to kill werewolf gf in heart and refusing to let dean do it because she asked *him* to, and how this parallels the season arc of sam begging dean to kill him if he has to

You must have some intense headcanons you need to talk about, tell me one Sam hc that drives you insane - in the spn that lives in my head, sam is a lesbian so....that is my favorite headcanon i love to imagine lesbian sam struggling to put up with misogynistic dean and his femaleness/homosexuality heavily contributing to her feeling of being unclean and fundamentally wrong/sinful. in terms of headcanons that fit the actual show i love how multifaceted we know sam to be, even though we see so little of it on screen -- he’s smart and nerdy but into health and fitness and is kind and compassionate, likes children and animals, etc. when dean dies and sam settles down with his family, he gets & trains a therapy dog (that looks a lot like riot who he had to leave behind with amelia) and takes it to help sick kids in the hospital <3 ALSO after leaving the hunting life he becomes a nurse since he’s basically been a field medic since birth. oh and ALSO he loves to cross-stitch even though his ginormous hands make it hard <3 OK I AM DONE but i could definitely keep going. oh and btw he’s gay and his blurry wife was actually a man. dean jr is the biological son of a hunter that gets killed on a hunt. OK IM DONE FOR REAL

Tell me something about the hbo Sam that lives in your brain -  i’m gonna be honest i’ve never seen hbo in my life so i don’t really want to say anything inaccurate but i wish in a more gritty or grimdark version of spn sam’s mental illnesses and his suicidality, disordered eating, etc would have more screentime.

Oh no, the writers forgot to give Jess a personality! Now it’s up to you. Tell me, what was Jess like - I feel like jess was the epitome of an all-american girl. I bet she was raised solidly upper-middle-class with two parents who loved her and had respectable jobs. she has a sister who lives in a different state who she is close with but in a normal way. and part of what sam adores about her is she’s just so...Normal...she’s like his embodiment of his ultimate fantasy and desire to live the American dream. i feel like that’s exactly why demon brady introduces her to sam, because he knows she is sam’s perfect fantasy of an apple pie life. And despite being so Normal she’s supportive, kind, insanely witty, and sees through sam’s defenses and deflections instantly. she knows there is something Wrong About His Life and doesn’t care. even if he can’t tell her the truth about his childhood he knows she would believe and love him if he could tell her, and he loves that about her. she pushes him outside his comfort zone a little bit to make him enjoy college a little bit more and always beats him at any game they try and play. i miss jess and i hope she and sam get to reunite in heaven!!!!

)Biggest injustice Supernatural committed against Sam (be as brief or as ranty as you desire) - i’ve only watched up through the first part of s11 so i don’t know what else bullshit will happen in the course of the show, but as of right now I would say gadreel possession. sam was ready to give up his life to shut the gates of hell and dean stopped him, had gadreel take his form to trick sam into agreeing to be possessed, and then lied/gaslit/emotionally abused sam about it for weeks (months?) and gets extremely upset when sam has the gall to be mad about it. after how much he has suffered being a vessel for lucifer, for having no autonomy over his life at all, this was just so cruel of dean and i’m so mad that the show never lets him get really fucking mad about it!

And finally, just say something about him that makes you smile ♥ - he has so much faith in everything and everyone despite how hard his life has been and how much he has been punished for his faith repeatedly throughout his life. he is a good man who will give himself up for others or the greater good in an instant. and he looks like a very huggable puppy despite being extremely muscular <3 sam is my ultimate comfort character.

i tag, anyone who follows me and wants to do this but hasn’t yet! tag me in your responses so I can read them if you do it <3