#and fursuiting! And hanging out with my friends!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hello! Someone genuinely trying to understand and perhaps unlearn some reactionary tendencies. With the response to that anon about "not asking if you're a pro or anti", the response about "imagine if they put this much effort into protecting real kids" definitely got me thinking. So... Is an adult shipping children and finding that hot NEVER a red flag? Or is it case by case on seeing how that person handles the distinction between fiction and reality in other things? And bringing the issue of real kids into it, if a real kid who has been abused sees someone shipping kids and finds that a red flag in that person, that... No, no I juicy answered my own question on that one. Block them and cultivate your own experience.

hi there anon, and congrats on trying to unlearn some things! and great job catching yourself at the end there, that's exactly correct.

I will start by saying this right out of the gate: fundamentally, I do not really give a shit about what made up scenarios about fictional characters people are jorking it to in private. I am, first and foremost, interested in how they are interacting with actual, real people.

"but Makenzie are you saying people who look at sexually explicit images of real human kids should be allowed near children?" no I'm not. please note that I was specifically talking about people engaging with fictional characters who are, you know, not real and do not have feelings and therefore cannot actually be hurt, traumatized, abused, etc, in any way that actually matters. I want to be so clear about this: you can genuinely think whatever vile things you want about fictional characters. you can enjoy any problematic shit you want with little guys who don't actually exist.

like, here's an example I use a lot: I'm kind of a huge Batman fan. don't know if you could tell that or not, I'm pretty subtle about it. if you spend any time in the Batman mythos, you know that this is a story where you just kind of have to take for granted that our hero is a billionaire using his vast wealth to dispatch vigilante justice with military grade weaponry and a small army of child soldiers and cop friends to help him put people in prison. these are moral quandaries that are discussed and acknowledged within the story, but fundamentally the universe is always going to involve billionaire vigilantism and child soldiers and the so-called carceral justice system. that's just the price of admission if you're gonna read Batman.

and like. I spend a lot of time in that world. I love Batman, I love his child soldiers. he's my little blorbo or whatever. but like, at no point have I said "yeah, fuck it, preteens should be learning martial arts to fight domestic terrorists, actually. I think Elon Musk SHOULD be allowed to put on a fursuit and beat up criminals. cops need more funding." no amount of Batman comics can make me believe or act on any of those things because, you know, I'm a person with a brain and I know the difference between "thing that makes a good story" and "thing that should actually happen for real."

and the thing is that genuinely, honestly, if someone thought that it was a red flag that I like Batman, and that enjoying Batman comics was somehow a red flag indicating that I'm fine with violence being done against real, actual children? I would think that person was a nut, if I can be super real. like, I'm thinking about somebody trying to make the case that I shouldn't be allowed to hang out with my nephew because I enjoy the fictional character of Robin so clearly I'm going to kill my nephew's parents in front of him to try to get him into vigilante justice. or if someone attempted to bar me from teaching my 4th-6th grade sex ed classes on the grounds that I was obviously going to teach them to do karate to clowns instead of how their reproductive systems worked.

(although, lets be real, there are a lot of politicians who would MUCH rather let little kids cage fight each other than learn anything about safer sex.)

this doesn't just apply to morally bad things, either, btw. I also read a lot of romance novels, especially hetero romances. and the thing is, not one of those books has made me want to fall in love with a ruggedly handsome but condescending straight man. hell, none of them have made me want to fall in love with anybody, period. that's not really something I'm interested in for myself, it's just a fun and frequently funny dynamic to explore. I'm hardly the first queer person to point out that the allegations that queer media "turns kids gay/trans" is obviously bullshit since the vertible mountain of cishet media evidently failed to turn any of us straight/cis, you know?

my point being: no, I genuinely don't think it's often, if ever, reasonable to judge someone's actual, real life morals by how they interact with fiction.

I'm going to say something so vulnerable right now, because we're in a safe space here: since you asked me this very reasonable question, you evidently value my judgment and perspective at least a little bit. and I once read and thoroughly enjoyed a fic in which Dr. Horrible, from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, gets fucked by a sapient evil horse. and I don't think that makes me a morally reprehensible person, or a person who advocates for real human beings having real sex with real horses. I think it just makes me kind of a weirdo with a bullshit tolerance.

if you want to hear a MUCH more thorough take on this, complete with addressing the issue of shipping fictional children, I cannot recommend Princess Weekes' video essay enough:

[homonyat]

Well proles I'm off again for another weekend full of adventures! There's some beer in the fridge and pizza money on the counter, don't have too much fun!

[nichoskittycorner]

Just me and my silly werewolf thoughts again but this is really silly:

Imagine being neighbors with a werewolf but you dont know it cause they're always wearing a fursuit.

They didnt use to do it but everyones scared of their wolfish appearance and the colorful big eyed wolf character costume looks much more inviting.

When you first moved in, you just thought they were a furry dedicated to their fursona. Good for them! But then you noticed it was ALWAYS like that. Were they people shy? Did it help with some anxiety?

Well, only way to find out was by asking. All your other neighbors had no idea why either. Darn, youd have to ask them yourself. You didnt want to be too direct in case you scared them.

So you invited them over for lunch to which they surprisingly agreed- taking note of how realistic that tail wag on that suit was.

You made sure everything was perfect by the time your neighbor came over. Doing your best to make them comfortable in every aspect- even if it does mean having to turn your home into a freezer box so they didnt overheat.

Even if you didnt get answers about their identity on the first meeting, you learned they were super kind and actually a great person to talk to. So of course you had to keep inviting them back.

Soon you kind of forgot about the question. Enjoying their company just as they were. You would get your answer eventually, although it was on accident.

One evening while hanging out, your furry friend asked to use the bathroom. Well they had been over enough times they shouldnt even have to ask! But they were just so polite they couldnt help it.

After several minutes they returned- without the head of their suit. You were greeted by a still fluffy face of a real werewolf. Bewilderment was clearly written all over your face by the time they realized the mistake.

They hadn't realized they forgot to put the costume head back on! But it was too late, you had seen what they really were. Oh this was terrifying and embarrassing.

Would you run away and scream? Tell the neighbors and chase them away again? All they could do was mumble apologies and pray for mercy.

Although you were shocked, you were curious. Going up to them and petting them right on the head. Fingers running through soft and thick fur. A low purr like sound echoed from their chest.

You asked if they could take the whole costume off, which they reluctantly complied. They really were a full werewolf- fuzzy body, strong muscles, tail and all.

"Why did you hide?" You asked after embracing them, sitting back onto the couch and playing with their fur, eyes still disbelieving.

"People get scared by werewolves. I didnt wanna scare anyone. I'm sorry I hid for so long." A part of you wanted to tease why they hid so long from you- you guys were friends after all!

But after hearing they were chased out by someone they trusted last time, it made sense why they hesitated.

You'd never do that! They were your friend! (Maybe more~?) No matter what anyone said, they would have you at least. Even if it meant leaving town together, youd keep your promise.

"We can start off slow, but let's get the people used to you- the real you." You gave them a warm smile and a kiss on the nose. Their tail wagged quickly, making you laugh.

[forgingtheblade]

MATERIALS!!!

Hoo boy am I working with a TON of different materials for this build! I haven’t documented them super well over time, but here’s a glimpse into some of the things i’ve gathered over the last couple months.

1st img: Fabrics and trims!

from left to right— Trims—a black and gold ribbon trim and a maroon and gold beaded trim. These will go on the cloak. also a bell! These, and the red and blue fabrics next to them were bought on a trip to chicago from a MASSIVE textiles outlet, while hanging out with some of my best online friends.

The white fabrics & red above the trims are linens and cottons from Joann, for the base outfit. These are being dyed to my desired colors, because I have access to some natural dyes in my fibers lab and really wanted an excuse to use them.

The red and blue also from the textile outlet are for the cloak. The blue, which I’m assuming is a polyester satin was out of a clearance room for like 2 bucks a yard, and is for the lining. The red velvet is an upholstery fabric that I’m really excited about because its weight creates a really rich looking drape.

Furs!! These are from BigZ fabrics, and it was my first time ordering from there! Their selections of short pink was better for what I wanted than what Howl Fabrics had to offer, and I didn’t want to have to shave down longer fur for the head. I’m really excited about the color variation in the gray, which is for the cloak’s collar, a trim along the bottom of the cloak, and as a buffer layer between armor layers, like a trim.

All of this is layed out over various foams, 1 inch and 3 inch upholstery foam which will be used for the head base, fursuit-y bits, and shoulder pads between the shirt and the cloak to give me some breadth. as I am kind of small relative to this design. and some floor mat foam, which is a cheaper alternative to EVA foam, and will be used for a lot of the armor-y bits, like the crown, weapons, and the armor itself.

2nd img— YARN

This yarn is something I bought from a local weaver’s studio, about a half hour drive out of town. I came to her looking for an undyed wool yarn, because I wanted to weave the AE banner from scratch. I dyed these yarns in a living indigo vat, and this is the color samples from that—more on that later.

3rd img—BEADS!!

This is the collection of beads I bought for some wither rose appliques I’m making for the hem of the cloak. I’m not using all of them currently, but I really like the variety I ended up with and will eventually figure out a use for all of them later down the line.

This is by no means comprehensive and doesn’t even begin to get into tools and consumable stuff like glues, thermoplastic, resin, paints, etc, but I’ll try to document all that stuff as I go too!!

[bloomburnweepwilt]

Disco Elysium Patricia Taxxon Concepts (finished)

For context- one day I drew @patricia-taxxon with Rene and Martin playing boules together and now we're here-

I kinda had a hyperfixation crossover moment where a bunch of things kinda fit in perfectly

(also mild spoilers for DE)

So there are three main concepts here- 1: Contained to the human form Patricia, Avery the boule playing dog, and the recently introduced Amber as a friend Cuno found

Humanoid Patricia aka "The music friend" was a member of the failed game studio and is a close confidant of Loona and came with her to research the hole in reality. They we're actively researching how to put audio into radiocomputer technology and were composing music for the radio computer game that ultimately went bust after the data loss. In game you would probably find their fursuit head and thats how you would see the fursuit portrait.

Avery "the doggie of boules" would be Martin's doggie and would play boule with him and Rene. (like the og doodle that inspired this). Over the course of conversating with Rene, Avery would chime in for emphasis emboldening Rene as he talks about his war stories. Avery would also be an alternate means to getting Martins Sandwhich, where if you were able to telepathically connect with the dog you can convince her to have Martin give you the sandwhich.

And Amber is Cuno's pal essentially, Cuno was hanging out by the whriling in rags trashcan and fell in love immediately. There would probably be a reoccuring gag of Cuno hyping up Amber to absurd degrees then Amber doing something very very silly and Cuno and Cunoesse being like "NOOOOOOO- THE PIGS AREN'T GONNA BELIEVE US ABOUT HOW COOL YOU ARE"

Anyways- crossover over- this was a fun mini project to do. My drawing instincts are still rusty but trying to emulate the DE style a bit was fun!!! Also these do not represent the real flesh and blood patricia taxxon at all- these were more using the aesthetic ideas of patricia taxxon's online presence to make dlc characters essentially.

But uh- everyone have a good night!!!! Sleep a solid 8+ hours and play your comfort game because you deserve it.

[brella-boi]

Building Dango: Part 4

We're so far in and still have so fucking much to do. I am fearing I may not have this guy made in time. Which I'll have to stomach through clenched teeth.

We're moving on to priming. And I'll be using Flexbond for this. I previously used a spray version, which fucking stinks. (If any of you guys remember the making of my kenku fursuit then you remember the horrors of gassing my family.)

This is odourless and I can slap quite thick bits of it on there.

It's water based and kinda smells like PVA glue (suspicious...) but honestly it worked wonders. I was hoping it would cover up the majority of roughness and imperfections, and with three coats, it did mostly that! Kudos to my friend for pointing me in the direction of this substance.

It took about 3-4 hours to dry on each coat, and I could safely do it inside. Unfortunately there are paintbrush streaks. But I can stomach that.

In between waiting for the coats to dry, I got to work on the eyes. I'm using this mesh as the base. It's nice and thick, does have a bend to it, and has fantastic view through the many holes in it. And since it's already black, I only need to paint the pupil. Though I have also painted a set of eyes for a friend that were fully painted and they looked fine too. Poking any clogged up holes IS a chore though, so to make sure there's as little of that as possible, you gotta water down your acrylic paint and slowly work your way up with coats. I haven't tried dried brushing it, mainly because that method is quite messy, and watered down colour worked better for me.

However, this didn't go without a tragedy. While trying to get the paint to dry faster, I often use a hairbrush. But. Well I was holding the mesh up in the air and drying it. And I guess I held the hairbrush too close and it bent the metal just enough to make dents from where my fingers held it. And. Unfortunately. Begudgingly. I could not restore the mesh back. So I had to paint the second eye all over again. So if you're drying with a hairbrush- do so on a flat surface.

For the JAW.

And here's where I start to realise I'm doing this backwards.

For the Jaw I will be using chicago screws. Originally I was going to use this hinge I got off etsy from a polish maker:

But Dango's head is already quite. Tight. And these would add another centimeter on each side of the head and there's just not enough space for that- nor do I think they would fit actually....

SO HERE WE ARE: CHICAGO SCREWS.

Chicago screws are originally used for leather work, and come in various sizes. The main body of the screw is sleek, so the jaw can freely move around on the middle part, while the actual tube is hollow with end being the 'screw' part. This screw part will be inside the jaw so I can freely unscrew it if I ever need to. While two pieces of my high density foam are about 2cm in thickness when smooshed together, I opted for 17mm thick screws instead. Which meant I head to drill holes, then indents into those holes, to make sure the screws fit in.

I did this because A: the flat part of the screw is going to poke through to the outer layer of the skull that will not have fabric covering it. It needs to be flush with the skull so that its not as easily seen. I made it sink into the foam by another 1-2mm so I could then cover it in sculpting foam and then.... prime it again. Like an egit. Anyway. And B: I didn't want the screws to poke me into my cheeks. Even though they're flat, Id rather drill into the foam and have it flush against it then poke out and be texture hell yanno?

Always test the drill bits on scraps though before you commit to the real deal! It took me a while to get the hang of the actual drill bit of my rotary carver, but in the end I was confident in actually drilling the mask.

ISN'T THIS CLEAN. God I'm so proud of it.

So I was drilling again after priming shit. I should've done this before the priming stage. But tbf they only arrived in the mail after I primed so. Whatever. (spoiler: this isnt the last time I pull out the fucking carver)

THE JAW IS HINGED.

And we continue working....

[ozzie-mosis]

HEY!! HEY, YOU!!

Do you like discord servers? Do you like existing in the same place as people and making new friends and maybe even participating in silly little activities? THEN BOY DO I HAVE A SERVER FOR YOU!!! THE RUBBER ROOM HAS ALL YOUR SILLY SERVER NEEDS!

We have channels for art, interests, hobbies, and if you ask me or a moderator, we would be more than happy to make you a channel for your hobby or interest if it isn't on the list! We include hobbies/interest channels such as

roblox!

minecraft!

witchcraft!

quadrobics!

sewing!

books!

dungeons and dragons!

fursuits!

thrifting and antiquing!

nature!

miscellaneous alterhuman shenanigans!

doll customizations!

cooking!

and we also have channels for the following fandoms!!

five nights at frederick's!

bendy and the ink machine/dark revival!

poppy playtime!

rain world!

regretevator!

phighting!

creatures of sonaria!

beat saber!

just shapes and beats!

baldur's gate 3!

general furry shenanigans!

my little pony!

this server does have a verification system along with the requirement to at least post an introduction, so if you plan to simply lurk in the server list, this server isn't for you. we hope you come join and make some new friends!!

[zeroiii]

im excited for next weekend cuz im gonna hang out w my best friend and work on my fursuit head~

[aita-blorbos]

AITA For Unintentionally Killing My Mom’s Murderer?

I (22NB) managed to recently regain access to the Internet on Earth from where I currently live, and figured I should ask this. This is a long one and there may be some missing info due to character limits (feel free to say INFO here), so let’s just get some identifiers out of the way.

M = Me

K = My boyfriend

C = A bystander, who I just found out was my childhood friend who went “missing”

N = My mom’s murderer

E = My mom

A = Co-conspirator of the murderer

B = the courtroom stenographer

This started about half a year ago Earth time. I met K, who was not yet my boyfriend (we started dating AFTER I was tried and acquitted). K (27M) turned out to be some type of dragon-like alien (I initially thought he was a fursuiter!. After a few times of us hanging out, my house was broken into by N (>3000NB). I return home with K in tow, discover what had happened, and things eventually escalated to the point where I discovered N had killed my mom E (??F) somehow while she was giving birth to me, and then N proceeded to track me down and kill ME.

Of course, this was when I found out that my own draconic appearance was NOT due to me being part of the same race… (All of my family is human) But as a side consequence of the method my mom was murdered with (I don’t particularly get the limits of this yet), I turned out to be a colonial organism in the SHAPE of K’s race that can re-form my body under specific conditions.

This eventually led to K being kidnapped by N due to N’s failed murder attempt on me, and thus I had to give chase. Part of this involved me hot-wiring K’s car to get back to my hometown ASAP, where I had been given the coordinates of N’s hiding place by C(21M).

As I began to investigate, I want to mention it turned out that N had more of the technology that they used to murder my mom, and were using them on other people in town. This caused me to essentially have a panic attack which also managed to make the powers I neglected to mention I had in this post go into overdrive, eventually making it to the room N was hiding in. After a long fight, N pins K and C to the wall somehow, and in a moment of panic, I accidentally kill N after they stabbed me.

It is important to mention that they were essentially disintegrated. No body left behind.

I proceed to pass out, wake up in a hospital bed on K’s home planet, and was then driven (if you can call it that) to a courthouse where I was tried for the murder, only for the charges to have been thrown out once A(????M), my interpreter, was found by B(30M), K, and the judge, to have been colluding with N to try to get both K and I sentenced for the murder of N as revenge for their death.

On the subject of my panic attacks, they have found the root cause and I am now on (really freaking good) medication to prevent them, and am undergoing K’s planet’s equivalent of self-defense classes to keep my powers in check.

Reason 1 as to why I feel like the asshole here is that N has family (who I talk to every once in a while, they reach out while they gather information on what N was doing on Earth!) who, while concerned that their child turned out to be a serial killer, and also understand the situation that led to this, are still hurting over N’s death, which I absolutely do NOT blame them for.

Reason 2 is that K had to re-establish contact with his father (as he came to Earth when he was 15, thus making him a missing child case), who had enough bullshit going on with his wife that upon K’s return to the planet, he immediately filed divorce papers with K’s mom. K’s mother is a straight up narcissist who has apparently physically abused both K and his dad with her lightning breath, and while she has not returned to the planet yet, the three of us know that it will not be pretty when she does.

[dinodogs]

My partner was like "just have your friend come over and hang out" and its like. I love you but I am NOT bringing my work friend to my house with a fursuit head on the wall and lesbian poster on every surface.

[classicjdiesandgoestohell]

lots of stuff to do before i head out for my trip in 11 days >_< need to finish up my commission queue, finish my current library book, make paws for my fursuit... then also uphold my usual tasks like studying swahili/norwegian, taking care of my animals, reading my norwegian book, draw some pictures, hang out with my friends ......................... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the weight of the world etc.. itll be fine my sleep schedule is just really strange rn so i never know when i can get things done. but also i have to get up for my flight at 3 am so im thinking of keeping my fucked up schedyle so that ill 100% be awake during it

[pokidot]

EVERYBODY F**KING DIES!

No, for real though. Nobody lives.

SYNOPSIS: TYV news had already forewarned the incoming of the world’s end for the past two months according to century old prophets. At first you thought nothing of it; that it was just some hoax off the Internet again. Why would it be anything else? It’s not like you were that unlucky.

But that was when abnormal things started happening in your little Snezhnayan village— your little safety bubble you weaned off the teat of started to break down.

The hotspot you’d get those freshly made baklavas from Babushka Oksana? Disappeared, along with her. Your university? Shashayed away. Your pet hamster Salmon? Currently on the ceiling. The little abandoned backstop you and your childhood friends used to hang out around? Left just like your dad.

Things where not even your best friend Ajax could conspire up a possible outcome (and he was a know it all if you’ve ever seen one).

You were pretty sure it was endgame from here on out, gg, I guess.

STATUS: hiatus [started 20230209]

WARNINGS: cruelty, kys jokes, kMs jokes, aggression, descriptions of gore and blood, ugly looking monsters, guns, fire, the end of the world, swearing, mentions of religion, if i’m missing some please let me know if you find any

GENRE/TAGS: childe x gn!y/n, many writing parts, slow burn, comedy, maybe action?, horror(ish), cryptid, freaky creatures, adventure(ish?), idiots, absolute idiots, childe being a liability, chaos, there’s one part in this where y/n literally wears a fursuit during a mental breakdown

TAGLIST: (i definitely know what this is unsure wink, just ask anywhere to be tagged)

— NOTES: gooodddd loooorrddd this took me hours to even understand the layout, but i did it. and i'm back to writing after years of being terrified of writing on ao3. hope you enjoy this trainwreck of an idea, this is my first smau on this platform so it's gonna be embarrassing when i don't finish this...worth a shot. very sorry if some of these characters are ooc i'm working on 2 hours of sleep and espresso 99% of the time i'm writing this

PROLOGUE: A HAMSTER IS ON THE CEILING (written + smau-ish)

profiles: childe and co

one | two | three

[drdemonprince]

I don't know who to ask about this and I'm too ashamed to ask in any auDHD support group, but how do I cope with RSD from my own incompetence?

I made friends in the crochet community and I've been learning crochet for three years. I'm glad for how far I've come but I can't ignore the fact that I've been talked down by my family due to my hobbies. Since I was a kid, every special interest that I have got shot down or ridiculed and I think because of that, I always have a bit of an unhealthy view of it.

Sometimes, I became competitive and when meeting new people who are more likable, more talented, more resourceful, or have more spoons to create, I wish I could be their friend too so hopefully, I could be like them. But then, I get RSD because of their lack of interest (because I already put a barrier between us) or because sometimes we're not on the same page regarding some things.

I became resentful every time I saw or meet them. I just can't shake the anxiety and irrational anger whenever I see even a glimpse of them online or offline. I can't stop projecting my insecurities onto them and even though I've tried to act nice and avoid any talk or conflict, I can't ignore them entirely since we're in the same circle. My friends like this person, and I know I look odd being the only one who stops talking or is void of emotion whenever we're in the same space.

I feel childish just asking this but I hope you know a way for me to cope with it.

I wrote in a piece a few months ago arguing that most of what gets called RSD is largely just pathologizing a really sensible reaction to repeated social rejection, and I think that holds here.

You are putting a LOT of pressure on yourself, on your own abilities as a crocheter, on every interaction that you have within the community, on individual people who symbolize a desired level of acceptance and recognition you imagine they have and that you don't, on the validatory meaning of small interactions, etc, and so it's no wonder you are bugging the fuck out so much! It's very hard to act normal and chill and take the weird comings and goings of socializing with other people naturally when there's so much weight hanging on every little interaction or cue

(including many completely unintentional or potentially misreadable cues -- it's hard to gauge how much a new/slightly unfamiliar person actually likes or dislikes you, sometimes, and when you've had a lifetime of bad experiences, it's easier to sensibly default to assuming any neutral or missing cue is a negative).

Unfortunately, in my experience the only ways to move past this kind of overthinking and stressing and putting a hindering amount of symbolic weight on small interactions is through lots of practice and building up distress tolerance... and by genuinely having positive or warm experiences enough times that it helps train your nervous system to not associate the activity or community with threat.

It's apt you're messaging me coming off furfest weekend; when I'm around plushy-suited smiling-faced fursuits, I actually feel happy and comfortable around people, because they all look so nice and unthreatening to me! And move so goofily and sweetly and are there for such an adorable reason! In reality, I could practice seeing all humans in this way, because those are humans under those fursuits and most humans are just as capable of being silly and playful as furries are, at least in the right context.

But I have Social Anxieties and so a neutral expression on an unknown person registers as either disapproval or threat, much the time, meaning I am more defensive and less friendly with other people as I move about the world, worsening my own social anxiety by denying me practice and positive experiences, etc. all of which is a long winded way of saying i feel you and i understand what it's like.

In my experience, when I *can't* just run off and surround myself with completely nonthreatening looking fursuiters as a means of disengaging my social anxiety, one way I can at least overcome the worst of it is by having a lot of really mundane interactions with people that are not focused on socializing or making friends (or scoring any kind of interpersonal "win") as their cause.

Having an external goal and focus that you share with others unites them with you and keeps you mutually distracted enough to not be distracted by constantly socially evaluating one another (or trying to guess at how the other person is evaluating you etc). So, join up with some people to organize an event in the crocheting community, edit some example patterns with someone, ask someone whose skills you respect for help with a project that's got you stuck, just generally find some way to share the act of directing attention toward some separate/third thing, and make it something noncompetitive or where you can experience the other person as affiliated with you.

What's great is that research shows working collaboratively on a task as equals is one of the greatest bias-busters for neurodivergent people! So if you have looming anxieties about people treating you weirdly because your neurodivergent or anything like that, aligning yourself with someone to take on a task or a project is more likely to make them like you in return, and you will eventually be able to notice and internalize some signs of that affection, hopefully.

Beyond that, I think you need to just keep going to events in the chrocheting space, contributing to them, approaching people and asking them about their work, asking for and receiving advice and help with your own, and just generally behaving cordially to everyone you bump up around in that world, even if you don't like some of them or have some anxieties surrounding how some of them see you. when we really fear the judgement of another person we feel strongly motivated to dive the fuck away from them, which does not lessen the anxiety in the longrun.

but if the person isn't downright hostile or abusive to us or anything like that, we can usually get a little bit more acclimated to being around them simply by ... being around them, but not prioritizing winning them over, just socializing with others and interacting with them neutrally / pleasantly enough when the situation naturally arises. some people in the community might not like you, or RSD might be sending you some misfires or both, but either way, you can keep showing up and focusing on the friendships and activities that have been paying off, and directing more energy there.

and you'll probably still feel like an overly analytical insecure wreck for a while as you do all of this!! that is okay. feeling better is not the first step to doing better/differently. you can enact the behaviors of being affiliative, pleasant, collaborative, and curious even when you're not absolutely feeling it.

if you have big red glaring instincts telling you a person is Bad to be around, dont ignore that, of course, but you can keep showing up and being a pleasant, active party in this community even when your brain is telling you that so and so not looking up from their project to say hi when you walked in the room is proof that they have always hated you. it isn't proof of that, most of the time, but youre not crazy for having those fears, i have intrusive thoughts like that all the time.

my mind looks all around for evidence ive fucked up in some terrible way that i need to fix, and ive had to make an intentional practice of dismissing those ideas when they come up, and choosing to treat interactions and lower stakes and more blase than they actually felt that they were... but eventually i just got so socially active and had so many interactions that were in fact low stakes and not a big deal that eventually my brain started sometimes believing it wasnt a think to worry so much about.

i hope some of that makes sense or has some applications to what you're working on. i'm sorry that your family has been so dismissive of your passions over the years. it sounds like youve found a rewarding hobby and some people you enjoy being around who also take part in it, and that even the worst enemies you have in the space at this point are not actively dicks, just passively disinterested, so you really do have a lot of raw social material to work with here and get more acclimated to with continued practice. but hey, it's been three years, it's honestly okay if there are some anxieties you always have, just dont let it keep you from getting out there and trying to approach people/engage in the hobby along with other people. sounds like youve been doing fine.

[fishmongeringstudies]

sad pelvis story (it’ll get better after you give up!)

the remarkable thing about pelvic bone separation is that according to the internet and every medical health professional I have spoken to so far it only really happens to pregnant people, so if you look up care and recovery options the only thing they’ll say is: it’ll get better after you give birth! Well Then, I say, shaking webMD lookalike number seventeen by the collar of their stupid starched shirt, shaking them so hard their neck snaps off and they die right there in my goddamn arms, what about the rest of us? What if there isn’t a baby splitting your pelvis in half like a chainsaw? What then?

it’s hard to talk about my pelvis without talking about the evil secondary school dance club and the eight-year-long mental health crisis and the remarkable PAP-endorsed notion of pushing through and overcoming and fucking annihilating adversity. They’re all tied up in each other, like headphone cords in a backpack, or five gymnasts in a game of Twister, or a DND fantasy-themed orgy. It’s not, as I was cautioned against yesterday, that I went and based all my personal worth and value as a person on dance. In fact, one might argue that that would be an easier string to untangle. You’d just have to cut it in half and yank the two ends apart and then boom— no more Liya; an endless world of possibility.

the problem is I picked happiness. So I’d still be a person if you took the dance away from me, you see, I’d just be miserable.

circles in the water. Shark circles. Finger circles, finger rings, rings of people trapping me in the middle of the circus, muttering to themselves about fire.

yesterday I went to dance class (my most recent mistake) and we flung objects around like sweaters and broomsticks and yoga blocks and then it ended and my pelvis went YAHOOBA and while I was lying on the floor contemplating the inherent fragility of man my professor came over and said you have to stop dancing for at least a week and I cried and my friend wandered back in and was like are you okay and I cried a little more and in the evening I called my girlfriend and cried again, cried into my cereal, cried into my nice Fruit Of The Loom (1871) shirt, cried in the bathroom with the cracked-open window. I cried to every single person who asked me if I was okay and then I did it all over again. What else is there to say? Take this lump in my throat and cook it. Throw it in the fire.

one time last semester a friend and I were hanging out in the weed dorm (my Humble Abode in sophomore year) and after we finished trading life updates she was like (a little incredulously, with feeling) damn bro, you are Doing Well. I tried to explain that the fact of my wellness was less a given and more of a series of lucky coincidences that had subsequently gotten tired and sat down for long enough for me to achieve personhood for the first time in my life and I don’t think she really believed me. I don’t think anyone really believed me when I said I was a clown in a fursuit at a furry convention doing cowboy moves and that if someone took off my cowboy hat I would immediately dissolve into a pile of fur, that I was grotesquely aware of how easily all of the good things could slip out of my grasp and that was why I was on anxiety medication, but maybe now they will. Which is a terrible thing. When one dons a clown suit your greatest nightmare is falling. Because falling means the end of the dream. And the end of the dream means no one will want to look at you anymore.

rest is good for you (even for a clown!). Given the fact that we live in a society, which involves, you know, capitalism, complete dissolving of work life balance, et cetera, rest almost has a patina of subversion to it, a sense of you’ve done something that you weren’t supposed to, a quiet roar of fury. Unfortunately, this means nothing to the Singaporean work ethic. In fact the Singapore education system is so uniquely constructed that at every juncture in the road anyone who isn’t thriving at full capacity gets quietly yoinked and is never spoken about ever again.

which, like, injury and mental health aren’t remotely the same thing. But they sure can affect each other and make out vigorously and fuck each other in the ass. My broken pelvis has fucked me in the ass. Like an earthworm hanging out. With itself. At six a.m. in the morning.

a list of absurd things:

one— cows have an ambiguous number of udders. They definitely have multiple nipples and my friend and I thought about it and generally agreed that each nipple probably leads to a separate store of milk but is there one udder or are there four? Six? Nineteen? People have boobs. But cows aren’t people. We spent five minutes looking at photos of cow boobs and concluded, quite gravely, that there are some things in the world we will simply never understand.

two— among the activities not recommended for people whose pelvic bones have separated are the remarkably high-exertion activities “sitting” and “standing”. I was so stunned by this discovery in my English class surrounded by people who were also not answering the poor discussion leaders’ questions that I almost fell out of my chair. Which would have been better for me than sitting in it, apparently. Which would have been ridiculous. I can’t slide around my college campus like a fucking worm. I know I said I was a fucking worm earlier and I was going to fuck another worm but this is different. This is going up to a dung beetle and asking it to sing, to dance, to do calculus. This would kill a worm. If I were a worm, I’d be dead.

three— I emailed my school’s international student center telling them how fucked up everything was and they were like you should consider taking medical leave. All right, Karen, so tell me: if I leave, where the fuck am I supposed to go? There is no place on this continent that even vaguely resembles home and I can’t just buy a thousand dollar ticket back to Singapore out of the fucking blue because I’m not rich, I’m not well-adjusted and well-supported and happily connected to my large family of rich doctors and lawyers, I’m a college student and a dancer and an ex-depressed person who needs to not go back into that dark, airless hole, I’m scared to death of what the next five weeks will look like, I’m fucking

miserable. Didn’t go to dance this morning and I was miserable. Skipped taiko this evening and I was miserable. Sat in the new dining hall and chewed on cherry tomatoes and I was miserable, miserable, miserable. Crying’s off the agenda now because I’m tired but it fucking sucks, you know? Being injured is embarrassing (my most recent problematic thought). Not being able to do the things that spark joy in my life is embarrassing. Like I finally found a way to make myself not want to eject my body into outer space and now my pelvic bones have fucking separated. Google keeps screaming at me about pregnancy and my dance friends keep on going to their dance classes and I just sit here with my sad angry bones and my angry lonely heart, hurting and hurting and hurting, and I write. I write about how pelvic bone separation occurs in between 1 in 300 and 1 in 300,000 vaginal deliveries. I write about how I am not part of this statistic. I write about what it’s like to love yourself in a way that finally makes sense to you, and then have that wrenched away.

I write my sad pelvis story, because I can’t go over there and tell you about it. I write an email to my professor. I write a hundred apologies.

I’m sorry. I’ll do better next time.

10.27.22

[onthenightwatch]

Idk if she broke in before or during your time as a nightguard.

Coulda done it while you were sleeping lol.

We used to hang out after school at Fredbear’s Family Diner when we were teens,

We loved the pizza (cheap, good, customisable? What more could you ask for?), loved the vibes, and we loved those two golden animatronics/fursuits.

I even got a part time job there over the summer once (dayshift as a waitress), that’s when I found out about Mr. Afton’s whole fursona thing.

I was asked by Henry to go get William for a performance (there was a rule about only him being allowed to wear Springbonnie, shoulda clued us in lol), and I walked in on him doing finances inside the Springbonnie suit.

We kinda just stared at each other for a while before we talked about why I was there, ignoring the fursona thing.

When I told my friend, she IMMEDIATELY began scouting the place to find out more about William’s sitch with the Springbonnie suit.

She found some old character notes that explicitly stated that Springbonnie was nonbinary. And that the character existed for a LONG while, like into Mr. Afton’s teen years lol.

She’s always loved those characters, and despite how hard she’s tried, she just couldn’t create a fursuit close enough to the OG designs,

So, according to a mutual friend of ours, one night they were hanging out together, and whilst the mutual friend was on the edge of falling asleep, she decided to go break into Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria to see if she could steal the suits, or even just the designs or something. Our mutual friend wasn’t all that there, so they didn’t really process this until the next morning when she woke them up.

Anyway, she ended up finding some notes, she described them to look like the ones I knew existed for the suited up performers back at Fredbear’s, safety guides and the likes.

She then ranted about how there was metal clanging, and Foxy was humming his little “doo dum diddly um” thing, and apparently saw the fucker running about and prancing and shit.

I recently asked our mutual friend, and turns out: that night (before she decided to break into Freddy’s) they ate some funky looking mushrooms. So yeah. I’m gonna go see her and help her out soon, I’m not gonna let her go full on delulu over some drug fuelled hallucinations.

Interesting part is the safety guides, which are… actually quite disturbing. The animatronics are actually made wearable by something called Spring Locks. Which, basically, pin the animatronic bits to the edges of the suit. Sounds good, right? Nope! The springlocks are DANGEROUSLY fragile. Too much jostling? SNAP. Get a tad bit too wet? SNAP. Just a minor human error, and SNAP. You’re writhing in agony, and if you’re particularly unlucky: no more vocal chords, so you can’t scream. And if you’re secluded? You might just not be found soon enough.

Worst part? I recently did some digging, and found out that, well, springlocks 100% definitely killed a kid.

Don’t know who exactly, but a kid was being bullied by some older kids, who one day brought him up to Fredbear’s mouth, and due to the kid’s tears, Fredbear’s mouth chomped down on his head.

Like, I already knew of this, can’t live in Hurricane Utah when Fredbear’s was closing down and NOT hear about The Bite Of ‘83, but I never knew this much about HOW it happened…

I’ve been workin’ here a while, so it was probably during my time here. I must’ve been asleep. Fuck. Don’t bring any of this up with my boss, please.

And uh, jeez, that’s a LOT.

I know about ‘83, I mean, how could I not? I was there.

And some of this other stuff I knew, too. Not that stuff about the suits and my bosses in their teens, though. I’ll have to do a bit of fact checking on that one.

That’s a lot of info in one ask, though. Props to you for typing all of that out!

Please make sure your mutual friend doesn’t break in again.

[yisanged]

i had fun at the haunted corn maze. it was actually 4 mini corn mazes all with different themes and they weren't really mazes cause there was a set path to follow. but scary people did jump out at you. from the corn. it was more like a haunted house if the house was corn. and it wasn't that scary either they told you before you entered each one you aren't allowed to touch the actors and they aren't allowed to touch you. so everyone just jumped out at you to say threatening things in raspy voices. honestly i think the scariest thing there was the people attending the event. on the hayride maze one of the dudes sitting across from us wouldn't listen to the lady telling him he couldn't take pictures and when she got kind of aggressive he literally growled at her. like dead serious honest to god growled. and his girlfriend like put her arm in front of him as if to hold him back and said "don't antagonize her!" bro............ my friend's brother and his friend immediately burst out laughing on the spot full on keeled over wheezing head in hands on knees. it was really hard to try to keep a straight face. and there were people with vapes hanging on necklaces around their necks like damn that's crazy. and someone pulled up in a fursuit. respect tbh. we couldn't tell what animal it was there was a long reptilian jaw like a crocodile or dinosaur but the tail was sort of aquatic like it had fins. there were also so many people being generally creepy or weird towards the actors like hitting on them or just being nasty or seriously mean for no reason. it makes you imagine maybe there was a specific reason they had to start explicitly stating you weren't allowed to touch the actors. rural american midwest republicans are scary scary people