#and google is unhelpful as hell

[alien-insomniac-05]

So uh. I’m having a bit of a hard time understanding the difference between adhd and autism.

I have heard it has to do with adhd being attention based but can’t autistic people have issues with attention too? Both have issues paying attention if the subject isn’t interesting/isn’t about a special interest or hyperfixation.

I mean I have also heard the attention span thing can connect to social issue too, that people with adhd have trouble socializing due to their attention spans where as autistic people struggle with socializing cause of social cues but I thought both struggled with social cues? I thought both misunderstood social cues with some expections? (This does not enclude people with both adhd and autism, I know traits will overlap)

So how is adhd and autism different?

Edit: so I read the Neurodivergent Insight post about Autism vs Adhd and it seems that people with adhd can understand social cues but only if they are able to focus so the social cues part I said is inaccurate.

I’m gonna try and do a bit more research on the differences between hyperactivity and repetitive behaviors and then write them here when I get a chance because that seems to be the largest difference between adhd and autism

[umbraastaff]

CAN somebody explain to me why tumblr's localization docs have a special translatable phrase of "and wave them goodbye."

[mistress-of-malevolence]

Crazy to think I'm kind of a pioneer in the murder drones fandom. Like, I remember when the pilot first dropped and I fell in love with the stupid robot show, and I was so immediately crazy for it that I was like "Omg, this is the shit. Everyone needs to know about this and support it, why is nobody talking about this??" And I had a decent following on Instagram at the time so I figured I'd make as much fanart as possible and force my followers to look at it. I'm not saying I did much, but I certainly did my best. I remember looking for fucking reference images and not being able to find crap. No fan art, no clear screenshots- I literally had to make my own reference images, from screenshots I took myself. Back when searching "murder drones" on Google gave you pictures like this

Entirely unhelpful.

Back when we weren't sure what colour N's hair was because lighting made it look grey or even black sometimes. Bless Liam Vickers and his concept art, saved my life. Who else remembers reference image hell?

[r0-boat]

Hi Ok this is gonna sound stupid but,

WHO THE HELL IS LILITH IN WHB AND WHAT DOES SHE DO?!

I have no ability to download the game (literally no storage) and google is unhelpful- I’ve seen so many posts talking about her but no one explains who she is/what she does. Plz help. Also I love ur blog and I’ve been stalking it for like the week (not in the weird way)

Adfd

Lilith is like pretty much the demon's version of God, and apparently, demons can't birth children themselves, so they wish for one with Lilith. Still, apparently, Lilith has disappeared along with God, so they can't make babies anymore unless it's demons with humans.

Other than that Lilith never shows up in the story so we don't know who she is.

The Story's fucking wild

[acethatlovesdinos]

The Seven Deadly Sins of Helluva Boss, Named.

My friend and I just made a discovery.

Or perhaps an observation.

In Helluva Boss we know that Stolas is a prince of hell. This is discussed, this is spoken, we all know it.

But we kept asking, what exactly is he the prince of?

And I think we found the answer.

This is a chart of all of Hell's royal sigils, according to Google image search. And as you can see, the names are as follows:

Lucifer, Satan, Belzebub, Mammon, Asmodeus, Leviathan, Belphegor, Stolas.

But that's 8.

Now we can make a list, from what is already confirmed in the show,

Lucifer: pride

Satan: ???

Belzebub: gluttony

Mammon: greed

Asmodeus: lust

Leviathan: ???

Belphegor: ???

Stolas: gay? Probably??

That's all we got so far. Satan, Leviathan, Belphegor, and Stolas are all left unanswered.

But a simple Google search provided us with one of them:

And with that found we move on.

Wrath and Sloth are all that we have left.

Considering the biblical implications, it seemed that Satan would best fit the title of Wrath, but there was little evidence for it, and google only took us to christian articles that were largely unhelpful.

So I looked up Belphegor, to see if we could find anything on their character.

The way I interpreted it, at least, suggested that this being tells others what they want done, and refuse to take action on their own. Seems like Sloth if you ask me.

Plus, Bee's side comment in episode 8 about "Belphegor's party drugs" lends to the idea that Bel might be a total stoner, which is also fitting for the title i think.

And that leaves us with Stolas.

What could he possibly be?

What sin might he represent?

In our confusion, my friend found an article (which she didn't tell me the name of or link to I'm so sorry) and sent me this screenshot:

Despond.

The literal definition is, as a verb, "to become dejected and lose confidence." The noun is described as "a state of unhappiness and low spirits."

Stolas is seen taking antidepressants every morning when he wakes up. He is constantly pushed into places and situations in which he has no choice. He is berated on a near daily basis by the wife he did not choose.

If that's not proof I'm not sure what is.

(Mini theory time)

He was pushed into his title, his whole life was set up for him, and perhaps he is seen as a "disgrace" not just because he is a royal who had an affair, but a Sin who rejected their title.

When Blitzø came along he felt, for the first time, that he had a choice. That he was able to do something different, to be something different.

We saw the impact that it had on Asmodeus when he came out about him and Fizz, and the potential damage it may do to his reputation because he, as a Sin, doesn't fully embody what he represents.

Perhaps Stolas, by refusing to nihilistically accept the life he was forced into, truly is a "disgrace" like Stella had said, but not for the affair. A disgrace for refusing fate. For choosing a new path. For wanting to be happy.

Anyway sorry that was long thanks for coming to my Ted talk

[lazytaurus-5pt2]

Ah yes, the playboy defender, Oliva Aiku!

Google Translate may be unhelpful, but at least it’s funny as hell.

[y-rhywbeth2]

hi! I've been really enjoying your blog. D&D lore is such a tangled mess (so fun to figure out though) and it's a treat to read your breakdowns of anything and everything Forgotten Realms!

I'm sending this ask because I saw a mention of Bhaalist "red rooms" in one of your posts, in which Bhaalists would murder (mostly criminals) as a spectacle for Undercellar visitors. I would love to read more about this, but google and the Forgotten Realms wiki are both being unhelpful. Would you mind sharing which campaign setting/sourcebook/whatever you learned about this practice from, so I can check that out? Thanks!

This would be from the time honoured tradition of asking Ed Greenwood for lore that didn't get into the sourcebooks because TSR and then WotC didn't want to spend page space on: either because it's 'too trivial' (which is just incorrect, there is nothing too trivial - 'Nobody needs to know about the dye industry on Toril.' Well I do! And I desperately need to know how the nightmares that are Sharran and Banite weddings and marriages)) or because they were still skittish about the Satanic Panic (too edgy, too much sex, too whatever; you'll upset the parents. Can't include too much detail on religious practices, taboos and rituals and stuff; you might offend the religious conservatives. etc).

In this case it was mentioned in response to somebody on twitter asking about the viability of Dead Three cultists established in Waterdeep's Sewers.

Either none of my machines like the site, or else it's been fucked to high hell by whatever current management is doing with it, but I can't really use the thing; I can link to a site that does collect these kinds of Q&As though which has it: How viable would it be for an evil cult (Bhaal, Bane, or Myrkul) to set up a shrine/temple in the Waterdeep sewers? (sageadvice.eu)

'[Setting up in the sewers is] not viable at all, considering the city inspectors, the Xanathar agents creeping around, and the gleaners (poor citizens trying to literally dredge and scrape a living from the sewer flows). However, it’s VERY viable for cults to set up just a teensy bit higher, in the CELLARS of city buildings. Many cults are already established in such places, and in “upper rooms” of city buildings, too, which has given rise to the local phrase “whispers in upper rooms” and “upper room whisperers” (where in the modern real-world we would speak of “back room dealings”). 'As for inducements offered to recruits: [...] 'Bhaal: to join a cool, secretive masked by-night fellowship that captures select people and “rightfully” murders them in on-altar rituals to the god (so, the slayings are not a crime, and the cult works to protect you from arrest by the Watch and any consequences of the killings). As a joining member, you get to name one candidate the cult will kill (i.e. someone you hate or owe coin to).'

And the other link between that and targeting criminals ('rightful' murder) comes from Elminster's Forgotten Realms:

'Adventurers far from home are godsend targets [for Bhaalist murders], as are outlaws or brigands; few care if such folk meet a bloody doom.'

For anybody curious about the other two who don't want to/can't click the link:

Baneites appeal to people who are upset at the corruption of the rich and the nobility (the Masked Lords, in Waterdeep's case) and plan to pull out the guillotine and 'exterminate' them and then replace them with their glorious regime where the city will be ruled properly and their wealth given to the deserving.

And Myrkul just picks up the edgy resentful goths who want to play with corpses, feel powerful and/or get back at their bullies/people who won't date them/etc.

[kiawren]

Hi... Im no legitimate poet or anything...Was listening to these deft.ones songs and started writing something about kiawren on the bus home

This is so self indulgent I'm sorry.. idk if you can understand my abstract writing and it's okay if you don't 😭😭

For anyone that bothers... I'll try to explain the poem but you can interpret it how you'd like :))

These are some of the lyrics inspiring it (romantic dreams, diamond eyes, sextape)

The title—I was thinking that the only constant of his between real life and my self insert world is his name, I can say it here just the same as I can there, everything else about him otherwise isn't real.. Hence the two realms, and the inspiration from the lyric "I'm hypnotized by your name" (more to add to this towards the end of the poem!)

The Vermillion bird (basically a phoenix) is from Chinese myth, I think it represents both of us becuz fire and bird.

'Take me one more time/Take me one last wave/Take me one last ride' is from Sextape, I heard it as I started typing the poem, so I just added it in hehhee .... for 'wave', I often think about us sitting in Wela volcano park overlooking the ocean together. It's vast and beautiful. For 'ride', I also like to imagine us going for rides on char.izard together.

'rilles' are from volcanic flows on the moon, with i learnt when Googling while writing this. Actually I thought they were for normal volcanoes too, before I googled again when typing this, well they're only on the moon, lol that gives another meaning (kiawren sun/moon dynamic loll). The rilles here are in my veins cuz he just has that impact on me☺️

There's stuff like 'burning a visage on skin', 'place my tongue where you blaze' 'bleed the sea whole' cuz that's what people would typically do for their lovers you know. (/sarcasm) I just mean I would go to such lengths for him.

Synonyms of red—cherry, ruby, cardinal, in a way those lines are getting more intense.. The plush of youth (our young love and its dreaminess) and the clush of rubies, then cardinal in my head also alludes biblically like 'cardinal sin' that's why I wrote 'cardinal hell', the red becomes so red! And yes more on the hell later.

Clush is also a song by Isles & Glaciers that makes me think of kiawren so I added that word :)

'rose-cauterized eyes' — I like the phrase 'rose-tinted eyes', took a different way here with the cauterization, something more graphic like those other stuff I had up there, I feel like if you'd cauterize eyes you'd see through foggy, patched-over, maybe painful vision. But if you cauterize with roses... There's also layer of romanticism.

'meteors-heavy stubborn blue sky'... When I listen to 'diamonds reign across the sky' in the song diamond eyes I think is us watching miniors together (a poke.mon that's basically a meteor). Hmm, it's hard to explain it, but the red-rose overworld downturning into stubborn blue sky kinda has the feeling of the worlds and skies turning and colliding, and the red/blue kiawren you know... like a merger, something dynamic and disorienting... Anyway it kinda leads into the last part too!!!

'My heart' —yes it's both my literal heart going up in flames when I love him and also him, becuz this is also my term of endearment for him. And he burns in his passion. He burns brighter than I ever can.

Ok last part that Im excited to type out

While a mythical being all proud and overbearing yet unhelpful in the alluded Nirvana, and 'romantic' people look up to this fictional mythical heaven-ruler (they're idealistic hence the word romantic, also that this 'romance' is more insincere),,,,,,

I have independently travelled inside the Earth to unite with my Kiawe!!!!! Orpheus and Eurydice!!!!!!!! I am Orpheus for real.....i'd cave so hard.

Last two lines are interesting becuz I 'see my baby', but Orpheus doesn't get to see Eurydice..... Meanwhile don't 'turn back to a blue sky', I reject the reality of a blue sky, like how the red overworld downturns into it earlier, for the fantasy of a red realm with my loveeee... Instead of not being able to turn to 'Eurydice' which here is Kiawe!!!!!, I *can* see him!!!! instead I do not face a reality, and I succeed in uniting with him away from it.

Also I've been wanting include the Vermillion bird in writing for kiawren. Didn't expect to be hating on it in the poem LOL

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Wow, I did not expect for you to finish chapter one so soon!

Oh damn, that's a lot. Also, Tomura choosing to make a deal with him right as Dabi dies is mean. Expected in a fic like this, but mean. I don't think Dabi would have ended up as a demon otherwise? At least not from what is said in the beginning.

I guess his rage about Enji's accusations and the fact that he was being executed caught Tomura's interest? Or maybe Tomura was already watching the Todoroki's, hmmm.

Thank you Spinner, that is very comforting. I too would like to hear that I owe you my life in order to trust you. For real though, I always love it when you write Spinner as a healer/doctor in your fics.

Okay, so colours are assigned to the sins, yes? I'm assuming red for wrath, because that's always Tomura's colour. Purple for pride, since it's at the center of the door. Light blue for sloth, since you mentioned that that's Spinner's sin and he has a blue pattern in his clothes.

Spinner leaving as soon as the job is done. He did explain a little more than he needed to though, so it's not like he was entirely unhelpful. Lol.

Dabi's clothes do have red detailing. I wonder if it's because he went to hell because of wrath, or because he belongs to Tomura. Probably the second, since Tomura complains about how weak his wrath is.

Well, that sure is one way to test the limits of the bond. I wonder if Tomura is made aware of all the times Dabi tries to break the deal?

Tomura feeding Dabi fruit while he is studying to see how long it takes him to notice is so funny to me. He really has been fairly lenient. For a demon prince, that is. I wonder how much someone's aspect influences their personality? Does Shigaraki feel a need for violence and rage at all times? It would explain some of his behaviour.

Oop, there comes the envy. We know it's not going to be Dabi's aspect, but yeah. I can see what you mean when you said it would have been in other circumstances.

Dabi tries to indulge. He tries so hard to get stronger so that he can have a chance of maybe someday getting away from Shigaraki. Not that that will ever happen.

What a note to end on! Shigaraki is right about Dabi needing to let go of the teachings of the church, but it's very little time to relearn everything that used to define you.

Lol mean, but Dabi didn't offer himself up for a deal until that moment so it's really on him, isn't it? And yes, in theory, not offering that deal should have meant Everlasting for him, but he'll just never know, now will he?

He definitely caught Tomura's interest for a few reasons, but I guess we'll have to wait and see what those were 😏

It's gotta be someone, and while I like Twice and Toga going into medicine if they're going to recover and be rehabilitated from villainy, I don't think it would fit them as villains, since her quirk is so good for espionage and his is so good in a fight, therefore they would always be stuck doing that for the greater good of their friends. Meanwhile, in recovery, I don't think Spinner would want anything to do with the medical field, but he would do it as a villain if it meant that he could make himself more useful to his friends since his quirk is so weak.

Colors are assigned to the sins! Like according to Google they have canonical colors which I looked up to use for this! Envy is green, dark blue is Lust, light blue is Sloth, red is Wrath, purple is Pride, orange is Gluttony, and yellow is Greed! I was originally going to make up my own colors, but I decided to go with these ones to keep any confusion at bay for people who were already familiar with the canon ones!

Spinner is a sleepy little guy! Let him rest!! He's also wearing a ruby because it shows which prince owns their soul, hence also why someone unclaimed by an aspect yet, is also wearing red!

Tomura absolutely knows.

Dabi is an adorable little garbage disposal while he's distracted, or you could just try handing him/balancing things on him and wait to see how long it takes for him to notice. Tomura has definitely been lenient, but his patience has its limits! There will be more details about how aspects effect one as the story progresses, but it's pretty safe to say that it impacts all aspects of their daily lives!

Envy and Wrath are both great aspects for Dabi in canon but in this story? After being able to have a good relationship with the rest of his family for eleven years? Nah, he's too sad about losing them to be as angry about it as he should be.

Dabi is trying! But yeah, the church has a stranglehold on him. But maybe Shigaraki's leading by example and taking a more... 'hands-on' approach to Dabi's indulgences will help with that 😏😏😏

Thank you so much for commenting!

[thejudgingtrash]

Yass, time for adult!Percy!

I was wondering about life past the current Riordanverse and I really like the idea of gathering different possible jobs for Percy, for fics and for fun.

So here’s a few:

1. Teacher/Counselor

First of all, what kind of teacher? Is he an elementary teacher? Does he teach AP classes in high school? Which subjects? Public school or private school (let’s not forget, Percy spent a good chunk in his life in private schools as the token poor negro kid and was surrounded by awful arrogant rich kids like Nancy and Matt)? Montessori school?? And most importantly: no, I absolutely do not see it.

Percy’s ofc very compassionate and aware of surroundings, so he’d be on high alert with his students but with the current and former state in schools I don’t think he’s willing to get traumatized each and every single day at school.

2. Marine Biologist

Call me basic but since it’s essentially canon, Imma stick beside him (tbh I can’t remember anything past PJO lol). But marine biology is such an interesting and diverse field?? Like c’mon now!

Yes, it’s a lot more chemistry and math and physics than one might think but the possibilities? And the benefits with his powers? Let Percy get a minor in psychology and study animal behavior by actually interviewing them, IT’S A GENIUS MOVE IF YOU GET THE VISION!

3. Marketing Manager

Hehe. My field of study. Am I biased? Of course I am! Was this part of my fic Oh. It’s Them Again? Yessss, mama!

Again. Such an interesting field with many possibilities! And he’d get more than just a good check in NYC if he switches positions enough! Like… is Percy a digital marketing manager? How much does he hate Google, Meta, Amazon and co.? Is he working in strengthening brand awareness and if so, how? Is he forced to work in newsletter/email marketing? Is he a sales machine and constantly on the road? Or is he a key account manager and simply focuses on a handful of important clients?

Is he, as a disgruntled millennial, forced to work with spoiled gen z influencers he hates and has to figure out the TikTok algorithm like a grandpa on the sofa whilst unhelpful Annabeth is laughing at him (shut up Annabeth, we all know you use IG reels and occasionally YT shorts at best!!)? Does he accidentally go viral and HATES everyone calling him daddy in the comments??

Oh, the possibilities.

4. Firefighter/Paramedic

Hell yes. I saw someone else posting about this ages ago (if you can remember, feel free to @!). But this is so interesting. If you want to somewhat stick to canon and let Percy use his powers, this could be an option.

I see it, helping and saving people that way could be an option. Still, also more on the traumatizing side but I actually think this is more interesting than a teacher. And oh, the possibilities in stories are endless! Saving people and pets from burning houses. Coordinating shifts in the station, being a first responder… oof.

That said…

5. Doctor

Oof, I should really work on The Wedding Dance in the future even tho it’s hella minor plot point…

Hospital doc? Owning his own practice doc? Doing 1 first and 2 next? What type of doctor is he? Simply an internist? A gastroenterologist? Pediatrician (could be traumatizing)? A surgeon to let out his god complex? Okay, let’s note down surgeon for Annabeth… a neurologist? Endless opportunities. Where’s the PJO x Grey’s Anatomy fic we all need??

6. Hotelier

Whilst the service industry is incredibly fucked (pre- as well as post-Pandemic), this is also interesting. Let Percy and Sally own a bed and breakfast. What does it look like? How many rooms are there? How much do they hate booking.com and AirBnB for taking a good chunk of commission?

Where’s the hotel located? In Montauk? In Manhattan? In Greece?? What are the roles? Does Sally do the cooking and house keeping whilst Percy does repairs and is the receptionist/clerk?

Who are the guests?? You decide!

7. Chef/Baker

Ahhh… Chef!Percy my beloved, you will always be welcomed. So. Much. Stuff. To. Think. About. And yes, this will actually be relevant for one of my fics, IFYKY. Head chef, deputy chef, junior chef… did Percy go the Institute of Culinary Education? Did he go to Italy or France for a few years to hone his craft? Or did he purposefully say f Europe, let’s head somewhere else? What is his specialty? How much sleep does he get per week?

Also I’m never letting go of Baker!Percy and Sally who own their sweet cupcake shop and sell all kinds of sugary shit!

8. Stay at Home Dad

My fave trope, don’t get it twisted! While I think Annabeth and Percy realistically have one kid max plus two or three pets, I love the idea of Career and Business Woman!Annabeth and SAHD Percy who’s trying to make her life as easy as possible whilst tending the baby, trying to clothe the toddler and reminding their elementary school aged kid to pack their lunch.

A chaotic, yet amazing and rewarding life (which is still stressful! Just a different kind of stressful!)

Sooooo…

What do you think? Agreements, disagreements? Anyone who’s interested/in school for/already working in any of these fields? Do you think it’s unrealistic? Is it realistic?

Mayhaps, I’ll think about other demigods and what they can do in the future 🧐🫡

[thesmpisonfire]

May I ask a portuguese question if you don't mind???

Bc. Like. On duolingo there's a lot of switching between like gatos and gatas and then the other necessarily switches that have to happen for that. But they never do that for sorta thing for cachorro?? And the little duolingo grammar guide didn't divulge anything and google has been Unhelpful (I am also like. Entirely assuming that gato/gata is the difference between. Male and female cats??)

[Doing the duolingo on my phone w cellbits stream on the computer is also a hell of a thing /pos im having a good time]

Okay so!! You got it right!! Gato is a male cat, gata is a female cat!

It doesn't happen to cachorro (a male dog) because a female dog is called cadela. If we just change the 'o' to 'a', it turns into cachorra, which is way more often used as a swear word

[hotbotheredandbreathless]

ASK YOUR OUTPATIENT DOCTORS WHAT TO SAY TO THE ER STAFF IF YOUR CONDITION GETS CRITICAL AND YOU NEED IMMEDIATE MEDICAL CARE

y’all ever been told, “if it gets worse, go to the ER”? yeah, i know, it’s annoying as hell and extremely unhelpful. but it doesn’t have to be!

as with many things, nobody will tell you this when you get diagnosed. but this tip has saved me from having to wait unnecessarily long at the ER 4 times. In fact, 3/4 I was sent to triage immediately without waiting. the other time i sat in the waiting room for less than a minute, my friend hadn’t even sat down.

if your illness could get easily and quickly critical as mine can get, it is SO IMPORTANT to know what information will get you the help you need as quickly as possible.

if you hear “If it gets worse, to to the ER.”, respond with “If I go to the ER, what information should i tell them to get the appropriate attention?” or whatever not so formal version of your choosing.

and if your outpatient doctors are as incompetent as mine, also consider asking Google. (I asked ChatGPT and the answer it gave was even better than what my ER doctor said, so take that into consideration. if you try it, do so with major discernment and fact check, fact check, fact check)

when i got hospitalized for the first time, i called my friend who was an ER nurse at the time and she let me know to tell my friend who was driving me to walk up to the front desk and tell them exactly what the doctors needed to know to evaluate my emergency. i hadn’t even thought to tell them that vital sign, i figured they’d find out themselves, but it could have saved my life that night. thankfully, i never got acute, but i owe that to my immediate medical attention.

so, for your own sake, ask your doctors. hopefully your doctors will tell you without you asking, but that probably won’t happen.

so ask! potentially save your own life!

[littleapocalypsekitten]

How the hell do people block replies on a single post? All of the googling is telling me that you can only block replies universally across your entire blog, but not on a single post. However, I have seen people's posts that have "Replies have been turned off for this post." HOW DO I DO THAT?! I don't want to nix replies on all of my posts. I DO want to prevent replies on one post with some potentially controversial content / little rant that I want people to see, but don't want certain breeds of randos to bully me about. I turned off reblog successufly on the post, but not replies. I KNOW people are able to do it and Tumblr Help, as usual, is unhelpful.

[caluski]

I wanna make my own seltzer kind of drink but why is Google being so unhelpful about what type of alcohol should I use. What the hell is "clean spirit" I want to make sparkling water drinks not eat communion wafers

[liskantope]

Here is another way of explaining the spirit of the frustration I've been trying to express recently.

Early in high school, I was in a jazz band class. The below quote was taped to the wall of the band room; I specifically remember one time the band director had someone read it out loud to the whole class but I also remember just seeing it every day on the wall for a year or so. Remarkably, Google almost completely refused to produce this quote for me, but I finally found a version of it sloppily tucked into a high school band syllabus posted online apparently a lot of years ago and attributed to no one (I guess it's a sort of "folk quotation", perhaps more popular 20 years ago than now?). After a little cleaning up, it reads as follows:

Because you can understand that a person can’t play well, or forget their reed, or doesn’t feel well, or overslept, or didn’t have a chance to practice, or has sticky valves, or lost their music, or couldn’t get a ride, or is having a bad week, pretty soon you have a whole lot of understanding and a terrible band.

I remember being very annoyed at that quote when I was 14, a period of my (and most people's) life in which authority figures endlessly seemed to be lecturing us kids / "young men and women" along these lines. And I can't really recommend it as necessarily a very effective form of preaching at children or young teenagers. But obviously enough essence of that particular quote stuck with me persistently enough that I was able to remember enough approximate phrases to google it tonight, two decades later. And increasingly over the past year or so, it's kept coming back and back into my mind because of a certain harsh truth it reflects.

The main utility of acknowledging one's own disadvantages or disorders/conditions or less-than-ideal circumstances in assessing one's failures is to prevent one from being hard on oneself in a way that is on the net unhelpful and destructive, and to help with setting realistic instead of unreachable goals, etc. There are other advantages as well that I think of as sort of "second-order" (for instance, being able to name one's disability can be extremely helpful in figuring out how best to deal with and get around it). But all of that is true, while at the same time something else is true: being understanding of your own challenges in the end amounts to nothing more than a whole lot of understanding and you still don't get to your goals.

In my case, I see a place in life that I desperately want to reach which involves a permanent professional position that I can do well in and actually feel efficient enough at that I can balance it with owning a home, being a good partner and family member, and possibly being a parent, a relationship for life, preferably with someone wanting and able to have children with me, and being able to feel like a truly cemented part of some meatspace community. It may be privileged of me just to be able to wish for these things, and I have to acknowledge that I do already have many of the most sought-after things in life (e.g. better-than-basic health and financial stability), but it doesn't seem unreasonably entitled of me to want the rest.

I could spend all day dissecting the conditions and circumstances which have played a role in making it hard for me to attain these things that I want: obvious neurological issues that affect both my social and work performance, a career lifestyle that involves relocating every few years and going through a particularly strenuous job application process even more frequently, the backdrop of a turbulent job market through much of my adulthood, moderate-to-severe acne from teenagerhood all the way through my early 30's, hell, even my lower-than-average height, etc. And to a certain extent I've needed to be able to step back and acknowledge these things and view my shortcomings in that context. But I'm in a state of fierce rebellion against the temptation to sink into all that understanding because the moment I do, it feels like I'm going to fall into an abundance of understanding and I won't be one inch closer to the place that I so badly want to be in. At the end of the day I can't allow myself to lose sight of the fact that I want to get the actual concrete things I want, goddammit. I feel like if I take my eyes off that, I ultimately lose and that a ton of sympathy for myself is a crappy consolation prize. And I react badly to a certain type of online culture because it seems designed to lead me (and others) astray from keeping my eyes on that hard and unbending truth.

Like with most things, this is about finding the right balance of perspectives and partial narratives. I would be writing a very different kind of rant if Tumblr and my social bubbles seemed deeply immersed in another set of cultural values, the ones that were dominant until very recently and still are dominant in more traditional parts of society today. But as it is, my deep fear is that a massive social movement is relentlessly creating a whole lot of understanding and a terrible band.

[loserchildhotpants]

Idk if this is something you feel able to give advice on, but Seeing Wolves Where there are No Wolves is a big comfort to bc I know I too need help & its good to know that it's out there, but I don't know how to start. Like how the hell do you choose a therapist?! I google and still dont get the difference between lpc vs psyd, let alone what questions to ask or how to tell if they're a good fit. Feel free to say pass, but if you have tips I would so greatly appreciate it. thanks and sending love

hello, anon!

im actually able to help with this! im good at finding counselors! (and dentists!)

so, there are a couple of ways to go about this, but the truth of the matter is that if you've never been to therapy, or you're new to an area and are searching for a counselor, you may have to shop around a bit before you find the right fit. This can be emotionally taxing, so seeking out the right one will take some refining.

Acronyms To Know:

MSW: Master of Social Work

M.Ed: Master of Education / M.S.Ed: Master of Science in Education

M.S or M.A: Master of Science and Master of Arts, respectively.

LPC: Licensed Professional Counselor

LMHC: Licensed Mental Health Counselor

LCPC: Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor

LPCC / LCMHC: Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor of Mental Health / Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor

LMHP: Licensed Mental Health Practitioner

MFCC: Marriage, Family and Child Counselor

LCSW: Licensed Clinical Social Worker

DR is someone with a doctorate while MD is for Medical Doctor, and a Ph.D is someone with their doctorate of Philosophy - and all of these are people that are capable of obtaining certifications and licenses in a variety of counseling types, what it means to you is how much time this person has spent in school. In my experience, how much time a person has spent in school is not super indicative of how helpful they are, and it's much more informative to find out how many years they have spent in the field, and what their listed specialties are.

If you've been to counseling before, you may already be aware of what modes of therapy work best for you (Talk Therapy, DBT, CBT, EMDR, etc), but if you found Seeing Wolves to be comforting and that is the kind of therapy you're looking for, you will want to seek out a counselor that specializes in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) and/or Trauma Focused Therapy.

I highly recommend seeing counselors that have at least 5 years in the field, and in particular, at least 5 years of training or experience in dealing with trauma focused therapy. You may see counselors listing years of experience in rehabilitation centers with people who have substance abuse disorders, or working with veterans in VA hospitals and such - these are good indicators that they are aware of, and well practiced in trauma-informed approaches of therapy, even if they aren't specifically licensed or advertised as that.

Remember that your initial meeting with a new counselor is about you sussing THEM out, to see if they're a good fit. It's okay if you don't click right away, or if the vibes are off and you're like 'hmm :T i think im gonna keep looking.'

When picking a counselor, read their bios and work histories - determine if their field work feels relevant to the skills you want in a counselor, and look out for red flags, like 'faith-based approaches' as this can either be PRECISELY what you're looking for, OR it can be extremely limiting and unhelpful if the faith they're basing their practice on is only one, specific faith that does not align with yours.

That's all the advice I can really give on this without knowing what you're specifically struggling with. If you feel comfortable divulging more to me, I can help you narrow down your search more, but I hope this is helpful!!