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#and having no real safe place from it
purplecatghostposts · 11 months
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There’s also several points in Season One of MH where Jay points out either before or after a video with no audio that it’s possible that rather than being corrupted, Alex took the audio out himself.
Which is an interesting thought paired with the fact that Alex was going to burn the tapes and never actually planned on giving them to anyone until Jay asked. Did he do that for his own benefit for whenever he rewatched the tapes? Was there something he really didn’t like in the audio? Did Alex ever think about giving someone the tapes to prove he was haunted and wasn’t just having stress hallucinations, and Jay’s request just happened to make him finally give in?
Might be nothing but usually when Jay points something out, it’s deliberate.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year
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I'm sorry I let down my guard.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#xue yang#xiao xingchen#God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish#Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it.#The change from “Helena don't walk away...(gentle)” to “HELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)” is fantastic.#And “Don't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fine”. Xue Yang core.#Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently-#come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt#and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people.#So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'.#The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there?#The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible#He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg)#''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.''#Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts.#ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.
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vaguely-concerned · 2 years
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I'm playing through Dragon Age 2 again and I just can't get over how... idk how to say it exactly, but the way you feel, in every moment of this game, how much Varric loves Hawke. It feels entwined with everything, it breathes through every part of the narrative, it blooms diegetigally through the integration of story and gameplay, makes you a co-conspirator in that love in a way maybe only a video game could.
It's in the way I don't think this story is a defense of Hawke only -- or even primarily -- directed at Cassandra, but at Hawke themselves. Beneath everything else going on there's the quiet, utterly unshakable refutation of Hawke's worst fears: Did you think you mattered, Hawke? Did you think anything you ever did mattered? . . . You're a failure, and your family died knowing it. Rising through the story as Varric tells it there's a fiercely tender voice saying: Yes, you did matter. In tragedy or in triumph, for better or for worse, in love or in hate, you always mattered. The ultimate tragedy of Hawke is always right there in the open before the story even starts letting you in on telling it; they couldn't fix anything. They couldn't stop the downward spiral Kirkwall was set on -- the real truth is that no one person ever could. And yet the point of DA2 is that it matters that they tried, and it matters that there were people who loved and were loved along the way, however badly it all failed in the end. Hawke is the Bioware protagonist who succeeds the least, and they're the character who matters the most, to me. (This is also why the Absolution reveal did not shake me in the least haha, my love for Hawke has nothing at all to do with whether they succeeded or failed at anything.)
What Varric is saying, in the only way he seems to be able to say the really real things -- through stories -- is so simple and so fundamental. You were here, and I loved you. There's the emotional heart of it, at the end of it all, that love and grief and recognition. It's so dizzyingly intimate. There's so much distancing, layers upon layers of obfuscation, to be able to say it. It drives me insane!!!! It makes me feel the same way that 'Poem' by Langston Hughes does:
I loved my friend.  He went away from me.  There's nothing more to say.  The poem ends,  Soft as it began,— I loved my friend. 
He loved his friend. They went away from him. What more is there to say. (Many, many, many things, when you're a compulsive liar and storyteller, but hey sometimes you have to deploy a whole armada of lies to tell one simple truth, I understand, I'm a writer too lol)
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hussyknee · 2 months
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Whenever I see a user with a whole row of badges and rainbow checkmarks I immediately know their blogs are full of the most passively racist condescending white liberal shit known to humankind.
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sunnist4rs · 1 month
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I hate men because today after years of my brother mocking me whenever I talk about something I’m well informed on by saying I did no research I finally told him how much it upsets me. So straight after he brought up my male assault statistics and called them fake before leaving.
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ancha-aus · 1 month
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Snowed In
Okay. Seeing as I have been spamming you guys with the new AU. I think it is time for a little treat :3
Ever wondered how the Gang and the Danielle's became such good friends?
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edit: damnit I forgot to summon you! @spotaus
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Horror watches as Cross looks into the chimney "any luck so far Dust?"
Some clanks and curses "No."
That isn't good.
Horror had never been in the AU for as long as now. And never in the winter months.
He hadn't known that a blizzard could hit out of nowhere.
They had been snowed in very quickly and most electricity had shorted out.
Which honestly wouldn't have been that big of a deal if it hadn't been for their chimney getting clogged with debris. Meaning they couldn't start a fire and risk getting their house smoked out, or worse actually burned down.
Dust had climbed up it to see if he could fix it but he hadn't had much luck. aparently it was really stuck and Dust only had so much room to move around in up there. and if he used too much force it could cause damage.
Horror was fine, he is used to the cold. Same for Dust. Cross is trained and could manage as well. Killer already runs a lot hotter thanks to his strange soul situation and overwarm mana.
Nightmare however?
Horror walks over to the nest and pulls a blanket up slightly. The little made den only holds Killer nad Nightmare at the moment, Killer's soul lighting up the tiny hiding place.
Horror looks at the two as he tries to appear calm even if he feels so afraid and worried "and?"
Killer is rubbing Nightmare through the extra blanket they have him wrapped in. Killer shoots him an anxious look "He is very out of it. I didn't think the cold would be this bad for him."
Horror frowns and mutters "fragile magic." not only that but he is also a tree spirit who was originally form an AU where it was always spring or summer time, or some curious combination of the two. Nightmare was literally not made to deal with winter.
Killer frowns as he tries to share the body heat he has. Nightmare mumbles some words and opens his sockets. looking exhausted.
Killer however looks excited "Hey there tiny boss! How are you feeling?"
Nightmare frowns and looks confused before muttering an reply "tired..."
Killer frowns "Yeah i get thtat. just stay awake for a bit longer okay?"
Nightmare mutters unhappily as he shivers. Nightmare pushes himself close to Killer and Killer locks both his arms around him again as he stares at him "please tell me dust almost got it fixed?"
Horror sighs and shakes his skull. It isn't fixed. and that is the issue.
Killer looks afraid as he looks down at Nightmare "Maybe... maybe we need to make another jump? To a warmer AU at least? Get him to warm up?"
Horror agrees but also the idea of Nightmare making a dimension jump now? while he is already fragile? Horror is afraid it will just make things worse and-
Knocking on the door.
Killer looks up and stares "who the fuck visits people in a blizzard?"
horror frowns and shoots Killer a smile "I will check." he rises to his feet after tugging the blanket in again as he makes his way towards the door. Cross is by his side and looking at it with distrust.
Horror opens the door a tiny bit and stares in shock.
Dani stands on their porch. Dressed in some winter clothes but it looks more like she is dressed for a day of snow fun in the park over standing in a blizzard.
Dani notices he opened the door and grins "Snow carepackage delivery! What you needing?"
horror doens't have the words but luckily Cross does "what the fuck?"
Dani grins as she points a thumb over her shoulder towards the drive way "special snowday delivery."
Horror looks over and sees a very old off road truck standing on their porch. The tires are halfway deflated but gigantic and horror can spot the silvery chains all over them.
Dani must see the confusion and sighs something in the air and Horror can see Ellie give a sigh back.
The truck turns off and Ellie climbs out and towards the loading area of the truck and starts searching through stuff.
Dani steps into their house and clsoes the door before she frowns "fuck it is cold in here. What is wrong?"
Horror is once again all out of words as Cross mutters "chimney got something stuck in it. Dust is trying to fix it but... well... we hadn't finished isolating the whole house..."
Dani nods as she grabs a very old walky talky from her belt. she turns it on and speaks "Dani to Ellie. over."
a moment of silence before crackling "Ellie to Dani, hearing you loud and clear. over!" there are clear sounds of wind on the other side.
Dani grins "Dani to Ellie. We will need tools and blankets. any spare winter clothes is also a must. Over."
a moment before an answer "Heard you loud and clear! Getting it all ready! over and out!"
And Dani puts the walky talky back to her belt before she answers "Each year winter hits hard here. the first year we got here we noticed this and started going around to check on our neighbors. Gerson especially when he still lived here. We kept the habit up." she looks around "anything else you need?"
horror shakes his skull "Nothing really. Just too cold for Nightmare." and didn't that just feel like a failure? To not have been prepared.
Dani nods "You still got enough wood for when the chimney works fine?"
Cross nods "We should."
Dani looks relieved "okay that is good. Lets check to make sure it is all dry while Ellie grabs the stuff."
Dani lets Cross lead her to their wood storage as Horror quickly updates Dust and Killer. both voice their surprise about the sudden visit but one shiver of nightmare and neither say much more on it.
Neither likes to be in debt to others but if it is for their babybones? Yeah. Horror gets it.
Some nkocking on the door and Horror rushes to open it.
Ellie looks even less dressed for the snow as she just stands there with a warm sweater, snowpants, snowboots, a scarf and some earmuffs. She walks in but before she fully steps in she hits her boots together and against the outside doorpost to kick off the snow.
Now that he thinks about it Dani did the same.
Ellie walks in and grins "okay! Winter jacket and sweater. air tight and water proof." she holds it up "Probably a good idea for your kid. Kids always have trouble regulating their heat." she she hands it over.
Horror quickly leads her and all her stuff next to the nest where he raises the blanket again. He shows the jacket and Killer snatches it quickly to wrap Nightmare completely in it.
Ellie next holds up a very large woolen blanket and a fleece blanket. She holds up the woolen one first "This one first. all around him. Then wrap the fleece blanket around that." Horror does as told as Ellie continues to speak.
"What we are doing. As long as there is no outside heat. is trying to form an isolation for him so his own body heat can warm him up. We found that these things work very well."
They end up having nightmare all wrapped up and back in killer's arms before putting another fleece blanket on top of the blanket already covering them.
Ellie shows some thermo clothes next for them to wear and stay warm but Horror mentions they are mostly fine. As long as they stay out of the wind and snow that is. Ellie accepts it and puts it on the pile to take back to their truck.
Dani and cross reappear from their wood pile "Looks fine. you guys also still have enough fire starters so you should be golden. oh nice you brought the tools!" Dani checks the stuff and pulls out a mallet and some rope before going to go towards the chimney and start talking with dust.
Cross stares at Ellie "what?"
ellie smiles as she waits for her wife to finish "We do this yearly. Dani and I are made for the cold. She being a malamute dog monster and I am actually a snowshoe hare. Not exactly bunny but I don't mind being called a bunny monster." she shrugs with a grin. "When the first blizzard hit it meant that we were both excited and went for a walk in the snow together. it was great to be in these temperatures again."
she frowns "As we were walking we realised we didn't see smoke come from the direction of one of our neighbors. where we grew up you just kinda relied on each other in the cold months. You kept an eye on your neighbors and if they lit their fires on time. We decided to check it out and found out that one of them had gotten surprised by the cold and the the house's heating had gotten damaged."
Ellie waves off the worry "Everything was fine in the end. we helped our neighbor back to our house and let him stay while we grabbed some supplies and decided to walk around and check on the others. We made it a habit and made sure that our truck was easy to prepare for winter and rough weather." she grins.
a loud clank and they turn to see a large piece of wood and branches at the bottom of the chimney. Dani grins as she looks up into it "check the top and if the closing and opening mechanism is stillwhole! You guys will need that to keep the snow out."
a moment of silence before confirmation that it is still moving and seems whole. Dani nods and says she will test the handle and to say if anything sounds weird or seems to move weird. They get through the test and moments later dust is down with them.
Dani grins at Ellie "My lady. if you could."
Ellie grins as she walks over to the fire place and with just a few quick hadn movements the fire is ablaze.
Cross blinks "you have fire magic?"
ellie giggles "nah. just the skills to start one!"
dani nods "she is a born arsonist. sadly she is lawful good." ellie nudges her in the side.
Dani grins as Ellie giggles before she shoots them a smile "You guys good? We need to be on our way to check the others. there are always people with little wood or food or blankets and we want to check everyone."
Dani nods "We just came here first because... well it is you guys's first winter here. if you didn't expect the blizzard it can cause for issues."
Horror shakes his skull "we are good." whihc is when they hear sleepy mutters from their nest and killer actually pushes the blanket back to show nightmare rubbing his sockets with a tiny frown. clearly free from his forced half hibernation he had been almost kicked into.
Horror lets out a breath of relieve and mutters "we are good..."
Dani and ellie share a look and nod before leaving a very cheap looking phone with them "in case of you guys need anything else."
Cross frowns and points at their land line "the phone is out."
Dani nods "we know. that is an upgraded walky talky."
ellie grins "while the phone towers can be knocked out these babies are sturdy! They also are limited though. which is why you can only call us using that one but we are by far the most mobile in this weather." and she puffs her chest up proudly
Dani smiles "just give us a call if you need anything." she nudges Ellie "we need to get moving. we don't want to have to drive through a dark snowstorm."
and the two leave again. They both climb into their truck, which really is just their normal truck but with large wheels. before the drive off. huh. seems like the almost flat tires give them drip to get through the loose snow and over the icy roads.
Horror makes a mental note to find a way to thank them before acutally makign a note on their to-do list instead.
afterwards they sit in their nest and just listen to the fire crackle as the storm rages on.
*---------------------*
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tea-time-terrier · 2 months
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The mortifying ordeal of your training gaps no longer being manageable <3
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oklotea · 10 months
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Sooooo I haven't moved on from the trolls world tour bounty hunters.
The reggaeton trolls and their really cool designs and music....
Hickory and Dickory's entire thing with playing the long haul in trying to get close to poppy to steal her string.......
THE KPOP TROLLS AND THEIR MISSED POTENTIAL AND AND THEIR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE REALLY CUTE AND LOVELY
And CHAZ THE FUCKING SMOOTH JAZZ TROLL!??!??!??!?! need I say more. I mean just look at him.
I am going to start. A fandom. Surrounding these guys. Just watch me.
They are so silly and I love them
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hanjnah · 2 months
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Why are you afraid of a girl actually making you worse. you all wanna act like RACK people when you’re a 50 shades of grey girl’s worst nightmare in the sense that she hasn’t seen anything so you’re the worst she can imagine. Why are people afraid of bad things I’m really sick of it. Why do you call yourself a evil incest fag girl and then engage with ageplay in this pathetic hesitant way because ‘Oh I’m not a pedo those people are Actual freaks who should all die. minors get the tuck off my page. x and y kink blogs do not fucking interact. my partner thinks if ur a trans man then you can’t be a lesbian and also you should kill yourself. If you act like a retard and you haven’t told me you’re a retard then it’s okay for me to lolcow you.’ This is about my ex but also I am really tired of feeling like I can’t engage with “bad things” without feeling like people like this are going to crucify me. Anyways I think people should do “toxic” things for fun and be aware of the risks and try to mitigate harm but still feel free to experiment like we should all be leaning into our trauma and expressing it in sexual contexts and embodying the release of this trauma in cathartic displays within the relationship and like it should be fine because things aren’t black and white and if you both agree to this sort of game then idk justttttt do it do it I’m so sick of feeling like this stuff isn’t allowed and I’m bad for being this way, i think if I can’t be antisocial and crazy it will poison me and I don’t want to feel shame about that anymore. I love you cum while your partner cuts you and tells you to kill yourself I’m tired my final message
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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🦈2
#even tho it was so hard for me. ofc when u can only communicate via the internet so much is lost i think... sm extra things u need to be#more secure kinda? like physical presence does a lot on its own#but yeah.. ok i actually wrote more but u can only have 30tags per post and safari on ur phone does not tell u when it's stopping so half o#what i wrote just disappeared ._. i cant rmbr what i said... and i mean this is just for myself to vent but grr im so annoyed#yeah just that he was sm more patient than i realized. i just was in the start of learning how to live w my avpd#i wasnt able to do a lot. even if i wanted to. he helped me sm to uncover things in myself to start that thing within me#i just desperately wish i had found him earlier and that i've been this far along in my anti avpd limitation abilities.... truly wish that#so im trying to accept it and just think bc i dont have a choice :') i've never wanted anyone like this and that just is how it is#i will always love him simply bc he is who he is#he's so so cool and amazing to me in so so many ways. and i always loved just how he talks and communicates bc it resonates w me#and there are simply sm details i just adore. but yeah... i probably shouldnt think abt that? i feel like.. it isnt my place to think abt i#but it is what it is but it hurts so incredibly much. will i ever be able to let go of him? the love i couldve experienced? the wonderful#person i couldve been with? will i be able to stop thinking abt all his great qualities and how much i wish he was mine? and all the things#wanna do and talk abt with him? he's just.. he just is .. i cant describe it. it feels like more than just earthly love...#maybe i sound insane or too intense or dramatic or smth but.. it feels so much larger than everything#so i struggle sm with letting go bc i want to touch him and i want to love him and i just want to be with him and experience everything w h#but that isnt my place. i know... why.. have i only ever felt like this w him... what do i do with this?? am i crazy? am i going insane? is#there smth wrong with me?#he is worthy of everything and he is so so wonderful but is there smth wrong w me for being so..#for having love that actually truly is all consuming? what is this... it's scary. esp when i cant unleash it. it's like a wild beast i have#to learn how to tame. and i want to be able to find mutual love too. but i cant force anything. will the universe grant me that?#i cant imagine myself ever being able of letting go of him but if that is what the universe has planned then..#ok im actually starting to sound intense and weird and idk O.O i think i think too much#.. it hurts that i wont get to do all of the things and talk abt all the things i wanna do w him. i'll never get to hug him...#if i could ask for only one thing it'd be one hug from him....#maybe is ound crazy but with all my disorders and feeling disconnected from the world.. and finding someone that makes me feel tethered#and safe and real.. and having to let go bc it just wasnt meant for me... why is the universe so cruel.#in the end i care abt him so much i just want him to be loved. i want him to finally feel loved.#someone else.. someone else without avpd can do that for him. i want him to be oh so so loved and .. yeah.. :(#i wish i couldve loved him as he deserves but .. its not my place. not my place... all i want is to hear his voice and live in his arms
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yeonban · 4 months
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOBIAS! (24.05)
@effigist asked: / Tobias bday festivities ! this got long . my bad bestie
ash lingers in dark shadows cast down from the buildings surrounding the big celebration’s location , vigilantly observing from outside rather than daring to step in . he heard about tobias’ birthday a few days prior from some of his blabbermouth men who had timidly asked their leader if they could attend the big party dedicated to no other than the sharpest thorn in ash’s side . he responded with a dismissive scowl , grumbling something like do whatever the hell you want , while doing his best to seem as disinterested as possible . last thing he wanted was for the men to think he would be attending that hellish celebration - god , no , he’d rather get himself thrown in the slammer just to avoid it . in great contrast to his apparent dislike for the celebration , he nonetheless loitered outside for a good hour after showing up towards the end of the celebration , remaining out of sight until groups of people filed out from the doors &. ash concluded it was finally coming to its rightful end . about time . only when the detested birthday boy enters his line of sight , does the lurking predator step out from the shadows . though , instead of attacking or otherwise antagonizing tobias , he merely walks with an air of leisure &. casualty a teenaged gang leader had absolutely no business maintaining , before stopping at the dark haired teen’s side .
❝ you tired of gettin’ pampered like a snobby princess , yet ? ❞ a playful smirk tugs at the blonde’s lips , implying he must be in a decent mood . gingerly , his arm lifts &. stretches over tobias’ shoulder , although no contact is made . he merely keeps his limb hovering just above the point of contact , but close enough to where any bystander from a distance would be fooled . swiftly , ash’s nimble fingers drop a little plastic card into the other’s chest pocket . It’s a library card . ash is more than aware that the man could easily access any book of his choosing with his status , connections , money , &. influence , but he paid it no mind . once the sneaky exchange is completed , his arm lowers , but not before giving a slightly - too - hard - to - be - considered - a - pat smack into the back of tobias’ shoulder . ❝ better be careful around my guys until the clock strikes midnight , cinderella . they’ll give a loser like you a beatin’ for every year you’ve been alive . ❞ they won’t .
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The birthday boy is one of the last to exit the building, animatedly chatting up the few who have chosen to continue their conversations with him even after the party has ended, and it's only when they're stepping down the outer stairs and the teen can feel a distant gaze intently focused on him that he steadily shepherds the guests towards the end of the conversation, shaking their hands and waving them goodbye before glancing in the direction of the gaze. Whatever he may have expected it to be caused by --- an ambush on his birthday or an informant returning to report their findings; the sight of Ash Lynx willingly approaching him had certainly not been it.
Tobias' expression doesn't change much, yet the surprise is apparent enough if one knows where to look for it. It hides in the sudden blink and the lingering stare as the blond threads closer, it crawls in the unspoken but palpable question of what's going on and in the quick yet subdued glance behind Ash as if to check whether the blond has either been coerced into it or sought him out with an urgent purpose in mind. Grey eyes return to look into the jade pair and yet none of these possibilities seem to have quite hit the mark. Ash's smirk isn't gloomily sarcastic nor does his body language speak of anxieties or woes, and there is nothing whatsoever to indicate that he's come here in a hurry. If anything, he appears to have either been on a stroll to this location, or been hiding nearby for a while.
Tentatively testing the waters, Tobias' lips curl into a matching grin, carefully watching each of the gang leader's movements. ❛ Ash? You could've told me you were dropping by, you know. I'd have ditched the others way earlier if I'd known you're around. ❜ The subsequent close proximity is as shocking as the other's presence near the celebration's location and Tobias almost opts to jokingly remark on it when the corners of his eyes catch a glimpse of a thin card delicately sliding into his chest pocket. Hm...? ❛ What, you got me a gift, too? ❜ This may have counted as a teasing comment had the exchange taken place on another day and for the first few seconds Tobias even means it as such, but with Ash's jesting and the deliberate secrecy surrounding the gift-giving, as if this display of cordiality has the potential to be ruinous to the blond's image, Tobias can't help but reach into his pocket and bring the alleged present into his field of vision. A gift? Really?
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He doesn't bother inquiring from where Ash has learned of his birthday, he'd expected as much with anyone worth their damn being able to find out about it one way or the other, but the sequence of events following that has barely been considered a priori, imagined as unlikely from the get go and thus unworthy of being thought about; yet it appears his calculations have, shockingly enough, been slightly off the mark. He'd figured Ash would accept hanging out with him if he approached the blond after the fussy festivities were wrapped up (if begrudgingly so), but had he misjudged how challenging it would be for them to reach this point of vague friendship, back during their first few meetings? Or had Ash just coincidentally felt generous on this occasion?
The library card that graces his eyes once he fishes the present out of his pocket might seem as nothing much to most in his position, but Tobias grows troublingly quiet at the sight, the grin on his face slowly dissipating into a thin line; neither annoyed, nor upset --- but rather, cognizant. Under normal circumstances it would take nothing more than a name and an address for such a plastic card to be issued, and it could very well pass as a friendly insult, jokingly implying the receiver should open a book for once, but in their situation it's a calculated effort, and quite an effort he's sure it has been. False identities such as his own come bearing little documentation, or if there is any available it certainly wouldn't be at everyone's discretion, so the existence of a library card with Tobias' name on it hints at a far grander and more complicated process than the regular person would give it credit for, and it seems the blond has deemed him worth the trouble, despite the older teen having indirectly offered Ash a way out of the mandatory gift-giving by not inviting him to the celebration.
Yet perhaps even more baffling still is another minor detail, something so subtle that it would have passed entirely unnoticed had it been anyone but Tobias attempting to grasp its meaning, or had he not been as attentive to Ash's lifestyle and habits as he chose to be. A detail he is more than certain represents a major step in their relationship, and one which signifies a degree of trust (whether conscious or subconscious) that he hasn't been expecting to receive for at least another year of incessantly bothering the blond. Being offered access to Ash's last safe haven, by the gang leader himself.
The silence continues while Tobias stares at the gift in muted incredulity, unsure of how exactly to react to any of the rapid fire surprises this simple choice of presents has flooded him with. Is it a code for something? No, Ash seems to be having a good day, there is probably no reason for him to ask Tobias to meet him at the library for a secret conversation. If so, is he going to request or demand something? No, also unlikely given the ease with which Tobias already offers him everything. There'd be no point in going the extra mile for something he could receive for free while doing nothing.
Is Ash really just reaching out to him of his own volition? That almost seems more doubtful than the previous possibilities, but unless the younger teen is a greater actor than all of the ones Tobias has met... he doesn't seem to be the sort to harbor ulterior motives or take advantage of others without first being given a reason to; and the orphan would like to think he hasn't done anything egregious enough to the gang leader or his men to warrant that. Ash's honesty is one of the traits he values about the other, after all (quite the rarity in their field of work, for better or worse) and what a shame it would be for him to senselessly lose the privilege of knowing for a fact that Ash's words and behaviors are always connected to the definitive truth.
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Although there is an ongoing dispute in his mind, Ash's remark doesn't pass by unnoticed; bringing a familiar tint of amusement in the otherwise uncertain state of affairs. Paired with the quizzical gift in hand, it brings the smirk back onto Tobias' face, if a tad more hesitant than it had been before, and it prompts him to turn to look at the other again. How should he react now? Where do they stand, if not where he'd thought they did? Should he wait and see, or should he outright ask? ❛ ......Then, prince charming, how about you act as my bodyguard 'til I'm safe from harm and ready to depart? Midnight is still a long way off, but surely your macho men won't think to lift a finger on someone as frail as me with you around to keep them at bay, ❜ Perhaps slowly prodding is the way to go, if he's learned anything from Ash's lethal allergies to appearing vulnerable. He'll always have the time to ask later, if the moment is ever opportune enough, and maybe there won't even be a need for that after observing Ash's behavior for a while longer.
Lifting his free arm, Tobias leisurely brings it 'round the lynx's shoulders as the other had done to him prior, except he lets his arm come into contact with Ash's shoulders while slowly poking him with the library card present in the other hand. It's a blithe touch, one blatantly meant for gauging where he stands with the other rather than an attempt at rudely breaking into his personal space, and one he had been very careful not to engage in prior to this day despite physical contact being the brunette's go-to when interacting with practically everyone else.
However... with all of the surprises already sent his way, and particularly so with the confounding (albeit indirect) openness Ash has showed him today, it might as well be the best moment to check what boundaries he's currently kept at, and figure things out from there. Will he be shrugged or pushed off as he'd previously figured it'd happen, or will Ash allow him this sort of friendly touch, and surprise him for a fourth time? ❛ And while you're at it, how about you show me to the library, too? I could use some new book recommendations. Who knows, maybe you'll even find that I'm a pretty good reading buddy to have. ❜ The request can easily pass as a debonair way of bringing Ash along for the ride, but with the lengths Tobias has gone to not encroach into the library for as long as it had been Ash's turf, the assistance with maneuvering inside the humongous building might actually be helpful.
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#◜✧ . ❪ muse. tobias. ❫#◜✧ . ❪ tobias ; ic. ❫#effigist#I'm gonna jump and do a flip atp HOWWWWWWWWWWWW DID THIS GET SO LONG. HOW.#CRYING at Tobias being ?? tho. Ash truly deserves an award for making him feel this confused. Honored too but moreso confounded as HELL!#It's actually even MORE comical if he later goes and tells Elijah about this bc to Elijah all this would be like a madman's ramblings.#Like what do you mean you're exe needs to reboot about having received a LIBRARY CARD are you finally starting to lose it dude#Tobias; having learned from various sources (Ash's men) that Ash dislikes people bothering him in the library: No you don't understand#Elijah: Yeah no I really don't#AJDIUASDHSAUIDHSAHDSAJHFHSFSDJFDHD#Tobias has such a careful approach when it comes to Ash man... he interacts w him in a similar way to how he'd interact w a feral animal#NO to brusque movements. NO to encroaching in his space. NO to touching. YES to bothering him from a distance til he eventually warms up#But also Ash is SOSO sweet for this I adore him... Tobias genuinely would've never thought Ash would go out of his way to gift him smth#LET ALONE hand him an indirect invitation to frequent the library which is the only place Ash can ever get some safe alone time#^ the fact that Ash waited for an HOUR loitering around to give Tobias this gift is sending me too. KING JUST SEND A MESSAGEADSHADJSADJ#These two have such a complex dynamic AUGHHHHHH I'm living for it!!!!!!!!!!#TYSMMMMMM FOR SENDING A BDAY ASK BTW I'VE BEEN GIGGLING AND KICKING MY FEET FOR THE PAST 4 DAYS ABOUT IT#I meant to reply to it on the day of but then irl decided it was time to improvise a way to distract me real quick (<-thru random uni work)
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infinitystation · 7 months
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seeing a whole lot of "just run everything through nightshade or glaze" posts from people who forgot that some blogs are over a decade old. and that tumblr doesnt edit reblogs if the original post was edited
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obstinatecondolement · 9 months
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Just something about the middle of the fucking night that has me perseverating about how I could explain to my former boss that she shouldn't have allowed me to be bullied relentlessly at work and done nothing and then also penalised me for things I never did and gave me "feedback" in performance reviews that was just insulting my social skills and calling me annoying and a show off, lol.
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rubiesintherough · 8 months
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#(( ooc. ))#venting tw#negativity tw#gonna try to do some writing today but motivation is real low.#i guess that's what happens when you get called stupid useless and lazy to your face by someone who then expects you#to bow and scrape and wait on them hand and foot#and also now im expected to pay the electric bill on top of doing all the housework. literally all of it. in a home of 3#fucking adults. and bow im also the one having to handle a lot of maintenance work around the place on top of keeping#it spotless bc no one else 'feels like doing it'#and the whole time i get to be insulted and told that im fat. stupid. lazy. while im cleajing up their messes. and fixing stuff for them.#and doing a bunch of cooking bc they get pissy if i dont also feed them on top of doing literally all the housework. and maintenance work.#and also now being expected to pay half the electric bill. again house of 3 people. and im not even allowed to take a hot shower when i need#to in order to get the pain spikes under control from yknow. flaring up my fibro from overworking myself CLEANING AND TAKING CARE OF THE#DAMN HOUSE FOR THEM#bc it takes too much electricity. the electricity i mostly paid for last month#sorry i needed to get that out#suicide tw#abuse tw#not me debating offing myself bc theres no end in sight and no way out and i cant keep going from one abusive situation to another#and just trying to survive. almost 30 yrs old and ive never once felt safe or at home anywhere ive ever lived. not once. in almost 30#years have i ever felt safe. or like im my own person. or that im valued. or wanted. or listened to. not once in almost 30 years#have i ever felt like im actually loved (wanted) beyond my usefullness.#shit sucks man. anyway sorry for the spam of negativity lately. im not trying to be a downer.#gonna go hang out in my inbox for a while and see if anything pops out that my muses wanna jump on 🤞
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lanibgoode · 1 month
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numetalkids · 4 months
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*inhales*.....................DEEP SIGH
#i'm exhausted#i have a job interview this week which i should be grateful for but i'm still so unsure about what i want in life#and i'm so scared of making wrong choices like i'm terrified#and the company seems kind of conservative in its structures and culture i mean apparently there are low hierarchies but#they make their whole deal about 'family' and then there are almost only men working there which is like ughhh like the ratio is ridiculous#and the thing is i found another job offer at my local library and i would just so love to work there!!!! i will definitely apply this week#i'm just scared that i'll do well enough during the interview that they will actually want ti hire me and then i can't say no#bc i didn't even expect them to reach out to me in the first place so i guess my application was better than i thought#so now im'm debating whether i should take the chance or sabotage the interview so that i get to try really hard for#the application for the library job instead#i sound ridiculous being upset that an employer is showing interest in me like what a privilege to be able to turn that down#at the same time. like thankfully there is financial support from the government so i'm safe in that regard atm but it's really not much#and i also don't want to be in this state of unemployment for too long#and yet...i want to just spend my days doing something worthwhile? maybe i should just be grateful that i have the privilege to choose betw#different jobs and try to take advantage of that fact and opt for the offers that speak to me rather than cry about it#god i'm so stressed this is my first time in life where i can't rest assured that the upcoming years will follow the same routine#like how it was when i entered uni like i just knew 'alright i'll be studying for at least 5 years and then we'll see' and now#it's like i don't know what i'll be doing next month or in half a year or next year or in five years#the uncertainty. killing me. that's how i know i grew up way too protected cause i break under the slightest inconvenience god#alright crying rant over from now on i'll be growing up for real 👍#personal
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