#and he’s crying himself to sleep because he can’t stop thinking about remus lupin

[imsiriuslyreading]

is there anything crueller than a writer making you fall in love with characters and then killing them off one by one ALL THE YOUNG DUDES IM LOOKING AT U MATE

[stvrlightgirl]

✧˖°. So caught up in you ✧˖°.

part four

part one, part two, part three

summary: After the date, you can’t help but overthink every aspect of it, turns out it was just your mind playing tricks on you, and good men still exists.

pairing: primary school teacher!remus lupin x single mom f!reader

warnings: angst, fluff, crying, overthinking.

wc: 2.5k

a/n: I am so grateful for all of your likes, reblogs and comments guys, it truly gives me the power to continue this series, because I know that there is someone who actually like what I write, lov u <3

Enjoy! taglist masterlist

"She was amazing. I mean, I’ve never met someone like her, you know? She’s just different in a good way.” He sighed.

After your last date, he couldn't stop thinking about you. Almost a week had passed, and your relationship was blossoming faster than he thought it would, but he certainly had no complaints. Now, he saw you nearly every day when you dropped off Molly at school. Somehow, he always managed to be nearby, and your eyes would meet unexpectedly, as if it was meant to happen. You exchanged messages a few times a day, and without fail, he always sent you a good morning and goodnight message, no matter what he was doing. Grading papers, going to bed? Not without sending you a "Goodnight, sweetheart. Hope you had a good day."

After all that happened, he wasn’t so shy anymore. Instead, he wanted to make you blush every time he saw you. You just looked so cute when your cheeks started to get red after a minute of him speaking without breaking eye contact.

"You dozed off again, mate” Sirius snapped him out of his lethargy with his irritated voice. "She got you wrapped around her finger, doesn’t she?” A smirk appeared on his face, when he saw how Remus’s eyes started gleaming.

Remus took a sip of his bear and leaned against the chair.

It was one of their favorite haunts, a cozy pub with dark wooden furnishings and a comforting, lived-in feel. The bubbling hum of conversation and the low strumming of a live acoustic guitar warmth the room.

"And you don't even notice," he added after a moment, his voice tinged with amusement.

"Maybe…but I don’t think I want to notice.” He chuckled.

The truth was, yeah. You got him wrapped around his finger, and it’s was scary, because he wanted more and more everyday, and it was a dangerous game to play.

"Give yourself a chance, Moony," he said, leaning forward on the table. "It's now or never. From what I've heard she's really something special. Girls like her don't come around often." He gave him a knowing smirk.

"Yeah, you should know something about it.” He snorted sarcastically.

"Oh come on, I sleep around because I didn’t found the one, yet, so don’t judge me, that’s my way to do this!”

Remus shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips. "Yeah, I know, Sirius. But maybe, just maybe, it's time to think about changing your ways."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "Look who's talking. Mr. Commitment himself. Just because you've found someone special doesn't mean everyone's that lucky."

"True," Remus admitted. "But luck has nothing to do with it. Sometimes, it's about taking a chance."

Sirius took a long sip of his drink, pondering Remus's words. "Maybe you're right," he said finally, drifting off to his own thoughts for a second.

"But I’m giving this chance, definitely.” Remus said after a while, and then the two of them took a long sip of their beers.

"Cheers to that, then.”

"I’m giving this a chance, Marlene but I’m scared to make mistake, it’s so frustrating.”

You sat on your couch, talking on your phone with Marlene. You had been replaying the date over and over in your head, analyzing every little detail. Though you had genuinely enjoyed yourself, you couldn't help but feel a twinge of doubt. Then she called you. A true miracle for your sorrows.

Were you ready to start dating again? Could you balance a new relationship with the demands of being a mom? These questions swirled in your mind, refusing to be silenced.

"Girl, sometimes you think too much, just let go already! He’s a fine man, the most decent you’ll probably find ever, so where’s all this doubt coming from him?"

"It’s different, I have a daughter, and I don’t want her to suffer, when he decides I’m not the one.” Your lips quivered, and you wanted to cry.

She sighed, making a comfortable pause.

"Babes, I know it's scary, but sometimes it's worth it. Besides, didn't he make it clear on the date that he liked where this is going? Maybe you should just message him and see for yourself, maybe you should just talk to him, it’s a key to connection.”

"I just don’t want to mess this up, Marl," you whispered, rubbing your eyes with your fingers.

”And you won’t, trust me.”

The sound of small footsteps interrupted your thoughts. You looked up to see Molly standing in the doorway, clutching her favorite stuffed animal, a well-loved bunny named Floppy.

"Mommy, why are you still awake?" Molly asked in a sleepy voice, rubbing her eyes.

"I have to go, Molly just woke up.” you said, ending the call with a quick goodbye. You placed your phone on the coffee table and sighed.

Then, you managed a smile, patting the spot next to you on the couch. "Just thinking about grown-up stuff, sweetie. Come here, sweetie.”

Molly trotted over and climbed onto the couch, snuggling up next to you. “Is it about Mr. Lupin?" She whispered, rubbing her tired eyes.

Caught off-guard, you looked down at Molly, who gazed up at you with innocent curiosity. You hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Yes, it is." You sigh.

Molly's face brightened. "I like him, Mommy. He's nice and tells funny stories in class."

You felt a lump form in her throat. "I'm glad you like him, Molly. I think I like him too.” You whisper the last part to yourself.

Molly yawned, nuzzling her stuffed bunny. “If you like him, then why are you sad?”

You lowered your gaze to meet hers, and with a gentle movement, you extended your arm to pull her toward you, drawing her close as she snuggled into your side.

“It’s nothing sweetie. Mommy’s okay.” You smiled encouragingly. “It was just a tough day.”

"Can we read a story before bed then?” Molly asked, her eyes already drooping but filled with hope.

"Course!" you exclaimed with infectious enthusiasm, lifting her gently into your arms. "We need to find out where the little prince will be doing today!" With a grin, you carried her towards her bedroom.

She let out a joyous giggle as you spun her around in your arms, creating a gentle breeze between you. Her laughter filled the air, and a grin spread across your face as you continued to move towards her bedroom.

Once Molly was tucked comfortably under the warmth of her blanket, you selected one of her favorite books and started to read aloud. As you flipped through the pages, your thoughts began to drift towards Remus, and despite your best efforts to focus on the story, his face kept appearing in your mind, his smile and gentle demeanor tugging at your heartstrings.

On the other side, your thoughts were a whirlwind of mixed emotions. Ever since you had returned from the date, a battle was raging in your mind. You couldn't deny how perfect the moment had been between the two of you, but the lingering fear of facing the same heartache and letdown again was clouding your judgment. Despite the growing feeling in your chest, the thought of opening yourself up to potential pain felt overwhelmingly terrifying.

After a short while, you glanced down at Molly and noticed she was fast asleep. Smiling warmly, you leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her head. Quietly, you made your way back to the living room, settling onto the couch as you grabbed your phone. Your finger hovered over Remus's contact, an internal debate unfolding within you. Should you text him or not?

Fuck it, your mind screamed.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, you started typing a message and without further thinking you hit send.

“Hey, I know it’s late. Just wanted to say goodnight.”

Fuck, why did you do it in the first place anyway, he probably won’t answ-

And then you saw three dots blinking.

“Hey, everything’s alright?”

Your fingers froze as you pondered your reply.

”Yeah, why?”

Your breath caught in your throat.

”Can I come over? Just for a minute.”

You felt tears gathering in your eyes, and It took him a second after your reply to realize you weren’t okay.

”Please.”

He was there after 15 minutes of walk, knocking on your door at 11 pm at night. Was he crazy? Maybe, but he couldn’t care less when you gave him such weird text. Maybe you didn’t want to take this thing between you any further? Oh god that’s was the worst scenario.

When you unlocked the door, he saw you looking miserable, with tired eyes that spoke of sleepless night. You hesitated as you stared at him, and he had to take a deep breath to steady himself. Then he really looked at you and saw that your eyes shimmered with unshed tears. Those pretty eyes sad, with something he couldn’t decipher. Something inside him broke at the sight, and he knew he had to do something to make it better.

“Y/N?”

“I…”

“Can I come in or is it too much right now?” He asked with a soft voice that made you shed a single tear down your cheek as you felt the warmth of his concern.

He was too good for you, but you loved it more than anything.

“Yes, you can.”

You stepped aside from the entrance, and he moved closer, gently closing the door behind him. As he approached, his eyes softened with concern, and you could feel the comfort of his presence wrapping around you.

”What’s going on, can I help somehow?” His voice carried a hint of panic at seeing you so upset, but he was determined to face it.

”I’m just…I’m so scared, I don’t want to even think about it anymore.” Your voice trembled, and with it, your tears began to fall. You pulled your cardigan tighter around yourself, seeking comfort, but it did little to ease your misery.

”C’mere.” He stepped closer, his hands gently reaching for your waist. When you leaned in, burying your face in his chest, he felt a lump form in his throat. As your tears continued to fall, he had to gulp, struggling to keep his composure. The sight of you so vulnerable and upset pierced his heart, and despite the comforting embrace he offered, he couldn’t help but feel a deep ache inside. He wished he could take away your pain, holding you tighter as if his warmth alone could make everything right.

His palms gently moved to your back, pressing you closer until you were completely enveloped in his embrace. From the outside, it must have looked incredibly sweet, with you looking so small and delicate in his arms, like he was trying to shield you from the world, but now, all he could think about were your cries, each one tugging at his heart.

“What are you scared of, hm?” He whispered softly, waiting for a while as your cries began to quiet down.

”I just down want to fuck this up.” You confessed softly, your words still muffled against his chest as you kept your face hidden. He held you tighter, his heartbeat steady and reassuring against your cheek, fingers gently brushing through your hair.

”This?” He sounded confused.

”Us.” You added.

And then it clicked.

”Can you look at me, sweetheart?” He reached for your face, and when he managed to finally look in your eyes again, he couldn’t help but gather your tears with his thumb. You closed your eyes at the feeling of his warm hands against your skin, nearly melting away and momentarily forgetting everything on your mind.

Were you this touch starved? Pathetic.

"It’s so stupid, actually," you began. ”We were just on our first date, and now I’ve probably scared you off. You must think I’m some psycho who—"

“Hey, that’s not what I think, and you shouldn’t either. Don’t ever call yourself a psycho again,” he said, his gaze softening. It pained him to hear you label yourself like that.

“You don’t?” You gave him look of a scared little lost child.

Fuck, what did you do to him?

“I know that you’re scared for Molly, I can see it in your eyes every time we mention her, but it’s okay. It’s okay to not be okay, and to be scared. Sometimes I’m scared of fucking things up too. I want it to be right for both of us, for Molly. It might be too early, but I care about you, and I don’t mean no harm when I say I’m ready to explore things between us further, whenever you are ready, at your pace, no bullshit. I’m not like this, Y/N.”

You listened with a mix of shock and curiosity as he spoke, each word planting seeds of hope and warmth in your heart. His sincerity and the depth of his feelings started to dissolve the fears that had clouded your mind. You could feel that familiar warmth growing inside you, a comforting reminder that maybe, just maybe, things could be different this time. His reassurance and patience began to heal the doubts you had, filling you with a renewed sense of possibility and trust.

“Are you even real?” you chuckled, a bit amazed.

He returned your smile and squeezes your waist playfully.

The tense atmosphere shifted to something more relaxed.

“Well, you’re here, standing in my arms, that doesn’t feel real for you, dove?” He teased, giving you a small wink. That melted all of your doubts for now.

“So now that everything’s clear, maybe you should come in properly?” You looked at his watch, gently removing his one hand from your waist to look at it, which made him snort with a small laugh. “It’s not that late, honestly.”

“You think it’s a good idea? What about Molly? If she sees me, she might be in a slight shock.”

“She’s asleep. I read herThe Little Prince every night, and it gives her the sweetest dreams, so she’s probably in a really deep sleep right now.”

He considered your proposition for a moment, then nodded softly with a warm smile.

“Ok, just for a moment though. I have to go back to my place, you know?” He joked.

And then a moment turn into hours, and he found himself holding you on his chest, in your living room, snoring cutely, after a glasses of wine you insisted to share with him. You were tangled in a blanket which he eventually reached for, because you started to shiver a bit. As he was looking at you, he suddenly realised how quickly he become attached to you. And it scared him then, but now, it’s was something he could get used to.

He really saw himself every night with you in his arms, and that thing changed something in his mind, forever.

He wanted this to become truth, after years of being alone.

He finally felt happy.

taglist:

@hisparentsgallerryy @belle-blue @lovelylupin04 @moonyanddaisies @harryslimebike @mooonyxoxo @lydipop @idohknow @ahead-fullofdreams @spirit-of-the-hollow @aheadfullofsteverogers

[expiredhydrogenperoxide]

when you require (and are required)

wolfstar microfic

remus stumbles upon the room of requirement one day while pacing the halls, so naturally, he starts going in there to get away from everything. this would be fine, except that he has to bring the map with him every time. because if he doesn’t? there’s a solid chance that someone will notice he’s not on said map.

one day, after months of successfully sneaking away, he leaves the map on his bedside table. and he doesn’t realise.

sirius is laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about everything and nothing at all. peter was off studying in the library, and james had stayed back after quidditch practice (because of course he had).

at some point, he starts throwing his wand up into the air above his head, attempting to catch it on his finger tip. it’s not going well so far. he has almost poked himself in the eye about.. 4 times?

he’s still trying when peter returns and settles in for the night. he has stopped by the time james has returned and showered. he debates trying some more for a while when he realises that remus hasn’t returned. which is odd. remus is normally back at least half an hour before curfew, and it’s now half an hour past.

moony isn’t his responsibility though, he tells himself. moony can take care of himself. right?

it isn’t until james is well and truly snoring that he thinks to check the map. it’s out of character for remus to ever leave the map behind, but it’s sitting on his nightstand, folded up and blank.

‘i solemnly swear that i am up to no good’ sirius mutters, voice hushed.

his eyes follow as the ink sprawls out across the page, lines stretching out, diverging and meeting again until an intricate replica of the school is spread out before him. there’s one problem though. remus isn’t anywhere. he can’t find moony.

his breathing quickens a little. he wants to pace. he wants to run. sirius has always been restless when anxious.

padfoot’s paws are quiet against the floor as he creeps across the empty common room. this is dumb. he could so easily get caught.

but miraculously, he makes it out and away from the common room without issue. so he runs.

and runs. and runs.

after a full lap of the castle, he finds himself pacing along the seventh floor, one corridor away from the common room. he has circled the entire floor twice now. he debates going back, giving up, and going to sleep. but he's still restless. where is moony?

he moves to head towards the common room again, to check quickly before switching his strategies. but that's when he notices the pair of glowing eyes watching him from around the corner. the fur on his back stands up as he turns back quickly. damn mrs norris.

find a place to hide, find moony, find a place to hide, find moony.

that's all that is on his mind.

find a place to hide, find moony, find a place to hide, find moony. find moony, find moony, find moony.

he startles when he lays eyes on a door. that wasn't previously there. was it some secret storage closet? why hadn't he seen this door before? he could've sworn it wasn't there even a minute ago.

with a quick check behind him (mrs norris is still watching, as if he's some sort of prey) he shifts back, and tries the handle. it turns, and the door swings open. he hesitates briefly.

meow.

oh fuck no. there is no way he's waiting for filch to answer to that calling.

he slips inside, shutting the door as quietly as he can. once it's shut, he finally turns to take in the room. and oh, he could cry.

curled up in the center of the room, on a pile of cushions and blankets, is none other than remus lupin.

he looks so peaceful.

sirius is suddenly painfully aware of the fact that he didn't change out of his uniform. but, as he turns his head, he sees a pair of pyjamas folded neatly on one of the outermost cushions. in fact, he swears that there's a few more cushions and blankets now. it's weird, but he's used to magic, so he brushes it off. he quickly slips out of his uniform and into the pyjamas, leaving it by the edge of the cozy pile.

sirius should really wake him so they can go back to their dorm room.. but moony looks so peaceful, and the spot by moony's side looks so inviting.

remus wakes up with a large black dog curled up against his side. he can’t bring himself to be mad about it, someone else was bound to find this room eventually. he’s just glad it was sirius. he closes his eyes as he runs his hand along padfoots head gently. when he opens them again, his hand is tangled in black curls.

sirius just smiles and wraps his arms around remus’ middle, obviously having no intent of getting up just yet.

that’s fine, they can sleep for a while longer.

[munacy]

Enchantment

@wolfstarmicrofic

Word count: 604

Sirius opens his eyes to a bedroom cast in shadow and breathes a sigh of relief that at least it’s his own. He enjoys anonymous sex, but the sneaking out the morning after is always less than glamorous.

He has a fearsome hangover, but that’s par for the course these days. What isn’t typical is the presence of Remus Lupin in the doorway, meekly holding a chipped mug.

“Remus.”

He says it like a statement of fact, not a greeting.

“…Hullo,” he responds softly, short of words despite pausing to think of a reply.

”Been what, three months?”

“Something like,” Remus agrees mildly.

He knows better than to ask him where’s he’s been; he knows Remus won’t answer. He wants to ask anyway. He wants a fucking fight. He wants to punch Remus Lupin in the teeth. Instead, he lets Remus Lupin approach his bedside, sitting hesitantly as if on a prickly surface.

Remus hands him the mug. It’s tea.

Sirius feels a sadistic twist of smug satisfaction, low in his belly and sickly sweet like curdled milk.

You don’t know me at all, anymore, do you?

About a year ago, he switched from tea to coffee. That was around the time that missions for the Order had really started ramping up and he began increasingly to substitute sleep with caffeine and other more illicit substances. It was also around the time he had stopped letting Remus know him.

He takes a sip while Remus watches him with those unsettling lantern-eyes, framed by deep bruise-like shadows. The tea he’s been given is a perfect replica of the way Sirius once took it. It is a relic of his boyhood. But Sirius is near twenty two now and paranoid and he knows everything.

Remus gives him a shy smile, and Sirius is reminded irrefutably of two Christmases ago, before everything had gone to shit. They’d gotten trapped under the enchantment of a mistletoe, and Remus had given him an embarrassed little shrug and gentle smile, and ducked his head for a quick little peck of the lips. Then he’d crowded Sirius against the wall, pinning his wrists, and snogged him within an inch of his life.

Two days later he’d been sent on his first extended mission with the werewolves.

God, Sirius had loved him then. He’d loved Remus like an asteroid crashing into the Earth, furious and cataclysmic and inevitable. He hates himself twice as passionately now, for loving Remus just the same, even though he’s 85% certain that he’s a lying, traitorous bastard.

Suddenly, Remus breaks the silence.

“Fuck, Sirius, I've missed you so much. You and Wormtail and Prongs. But you most of all.”

Remus, as Sirius recalls, hadn’t cried when he’d snapped his femur during a full moon, but he’s crying now.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” he whispers, voice cracking. “Does that make me horrible?”

Sirius is torn. Part of him wants to hold Remus in his arms, let him sleep and eat and recover, for fuck’s sake, can’t everyone see how tired he is? Part of him wants to hex Remus into oblivion for manipulating him like this. Because that has to be what this is.

In that moment of indecision, a silver doe bursts into Sirius’ bedroom, flooding it with light. It speaks in Lily Potter’s trembling voice:

“Sirius. Padfoot. It’s Wormtail. It’s been Wormtail the entire time. They’ve caught him. Oh, Christ. I’ll write you more later.”

The doe scampers off as if still on urgent business. Remus and Sirius stare at one another with equally shocked expressions, jaws hanging.

“Moony?” he whispers.

[fruitcoops]

Hey Eve how are you doing I hope you're having a good day. Could you possibly if you want to make a fic like after the disownment fic and there's an interview with Sirius, Remus or (or the lions) on how they felt and there reactions and stuff only if you want to ofc I hope you are having a good day

This isn't a social media fic, but it does include include this prompt and was combined with an ask for Sirius having a hard time in the wake of a breakdown because he was doing so well before. Please pay attention to the TWs and let me know if I missed any. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove <3

TW child abuse (past), angst, past trauma, mentions of going to therapy, and feeling overwhelmed

The studio cameras hadn’t seemed scary in a long, long time. Sirius stared at the white floor, toying with his ring and trying not to run screaming from the building; this is for them, he reminded himself. For everyone like me who never had someone speak up for them. The metal folding chair was cold under him.

“Sirius?” There was no hint of teasing in Marlene’s voice. “Are you ready?”

He had already saved himself and Regulus. Now it was time for the rest of them. “Oui.”

“Rolling in three, two, one…”

“My name is Sirius Black,” he said, channeling all the strength and control he could manage into his voice as he straightened up. “I’m 27 years old, the center and captain for the Gryffindor Lions hockey team, and a Stanley Cup champion.” He took a breath. “And I grew up in an abusive home. Last week, my biological parents officially disowned me for refusing to go back into the closet and under their control. It wasn’t dramatic. There was no media present. There was a lot of paperwork.

“But I’m not here to talk about that.” He swallowed, and felt some of his confidence return. Behind the camera, Marlene gave him an encouraging look with a shine in her eyes. “I’m here to talk to everyone else in my situation and let you know that you’re not alone. You can get out of there, and you can be the freest version of yourself. For the next month, 1/12 of all proceeds from Lions tickets will go to charities supporting abuse survivors and those currently living in abusive situations. My story is not the only one. We can make a difference.”

----------------

Sirius laid on his back on the lobby couch, letting “Radio Gaga” thump in his ears and drown out the tremors in his body. He had never said it publicly before—as far as the rest of the hockey world knew, his family was only rumored to be strict. He had been hesitant to do the video at first despite the tsunami of questions flooding their social media, and it wasn’t until Marlene suggested the charity aspect that he agreed.

Sirius didn’t like press. He liked it even less when it was poking around in his past, and when he had to support it.

The song ended and he paused the music, listening to his own breathing and steady pulse. You’re okay. You’re done. You made it through. He didn’t feel okay.

“—proud of him,” someone was saying inside the studio. Remus. “It was a complicated and painful thing to work through, but he never wavered from what he wanted and what was best for him.”

Six of his other teammates would speak, supporting the charity with a quick mention of their own feelings in case any assholes on the internet got bright ideas about speaking for them and their feelings on Sirius’ disownment. It was insane what people thought they found by digging through interviews.

“Hey, baby.” Sirius opened his eyes; above him, Remus was leaning over the armrest of the couch with a tired smile. He kissed Sirius’ forehead, then his nose, then his lips. “Ready to go home?”

“Don’t we have to stay until the end?”

“Marlene said she had everything she needed from us.”

Sirius blew out a slow breath and stood, wrapping his arms around Remus on instinct. “This feels like it’s going to go badly.”

“I don’t think it will,” Remus said quietly, rubbing up and down his spine. “I think it’s going to help a lot of people, and I hope it means we stop getting nosy comments now that you’ve answered the big questions and made it clear that’s the end.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They walked to the car in relative silence, hand-in-hand; Remus took the keys without a word, and relief washed over Sirius in a cool breeze. He didn’t feel grounded enough to drive safely. At the moment, he wasn’t sure he ever would. The whole world was hazy outside the passenger window, blurring the city he loved so much into smudges of colors—Remus was a presence next to him, but what Sirius wanted more than anything was some hot chocolate and a long, long nap.

“I don’t feel good,” he said, hardly above a whisper.

Remus glanced at him out of the corner of his eye as he drove. “Do I need to pull over?”

“No, I just…” He sighed. “I thought I would feel better after getting this off my chest and helping people. I feel bad.”

“Can you eat?” He nodded. “I’ll make some soup when we get home if you want to lay down for a bit.”

Sirius’ eyes burned. “Sounds good.”

“Hey, baby, it’s okay,” Remus soothed, reaching one hand down to close around the one Sirius kept on his thigh as Sirius sniffled and shook with the effort of keeping in his tears. “It’s okay. You can call Marlene and ask her not to publish the video. That’s in your rights, you don’t have to—”

“No,” Sirius choked out, wiping his tears away with the back of his wrist. “It has to happen. People have to know that they can help. I—I just—I don’t know how to feel and so everything is happening at once.”

Nobody had taught Sirius how to handle Feelings-with-a-capital-f until Dumo; suddenly, he felt like all that hard work was being undone in one fell swoop. He kept ahold of Remus’ hand and let the tears slide down his cheeks as he breathed through it, keeping both feet firmly planted in some semblance of control. Remus parked the car and turned to him without unbuckling his seatbelt. “Do you want to go inside, or should we drive for a bit?”

“I really want to go to bed.”

“How can I help?” Remus laced their fingers together again and Sirius squeezed his eyes shut. “You really don’t seem alright, love.”

“I’m not, and I don’t know how to fix it.” The words were broken glass in his throat. “I was doing so good. I don’t know how to go back.”

“Oh, baby,” Remus murmured, taking his seatbelt off to kiss Sirius’ temple. “Let’s go inside, yeah? You’ll be more comfortable there.”

Sirius nodded mutely, still pressing his lips together to stifle any sounds that tried to come out. It always seemed like when he started to cry, he couldn’t stop—whether that was a function of never crying for the majority of his life, he didn’t know, but it always felt horrible. No mistakes, his mother had told him. The video felt like a mistake. Still, he knew he couldn’t ask them to take it down. There were people that needed help, and he couldn’t let his childhood hide in the shadows anymore.

Remus turned as if to hug him when the door closed behind them, but Sirius slipped past and headed straight for the stairs. Sweatpants, hoodie, soup, blanket, talk. Talk, talk, talk until you can’t stop. Then sleep. He heard Remus moving around in the kitchen as he stripped down and dug his softest sweatpants out of the drawer, followed by Remus’ most worn-down and oversized Wisconsin hoodie that he always wore when he didn’t feel well. Sirius buried his nose in the neckline and inhaled deeply; the familiar scent soothed the rush of blood in his ears.

He didn’t bother with socks and made a beeline for the couch, wrapping himself in the afghan blanket one of Hope’s friends had crocheted for their wedding. Hope had kept it in the Lupin house so she wouldn’t forget to bring it with her, and it smelled like them, too. It smelled like safety and a happy house and healthy childhoods.

Another tear slipped out when Remus set down some water and the soup—Campbell’s chicken noodle, can’t go wrong—and Sirius curled up against the armrest to make room. “I need to talk to you,” he said. “I need to talk to you.”

The cushions dipped as Remus sat next to him and crossed his legs. “About what?”

“Everything.” His voice broke. “The way I grew up, everything about it. I—Re, I never lied to you, I promise. I just didn’t talk about it because I didn’t want to scare you, but I have to be honest with you.”

“…alright.”

Sirius took a shaky breath; his mouth was dry, and salty at the edges. “My parents—my parents hit me when I wasn’t good enough, and nothing was ever good enough unless I could do it again, and again, and again—”

“Sirius—”

“—and I thought everyone on my team didn’t get dinner if they didn’t get a goal and—”

“Stop—”

“—and Regulus and I, it was like we couldn’t breathe in that house with them scripting every move—”

“Sirius.” Remus’ hand covered his mouth and Sirius closed his eyes as a sob ripped free, but didn’t fight it. “Sirius, stop, please.”

“I have to tell you,” he said hoarsely, trembling from head to toe. “I have to be honest with you.”

“I love you, and I’m glad you can talk to me, but I’m not the person you have to tell.” Remus’ voice was thick with tears. “Being honest with me doesn’t mean telling me every detail, please, please don’t do that.”

“I couldn’t make mistakes,” he blubbered, leaning into Remus. “What kind of fucking freak tells a child they can’t make mistakes?”

Remus shushed him softly, running a hand through the hair at the nape of his neck as he went boneless into Remus’ chest. He could feel the hitching breaths under his face and regret reared up, but he felt so empty. There was so much more he could tell Remus and nothing he could say. “I love you,” Remus began, sniffling slightly. “I love you so much, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Because I love you, I’m going to tell you that I am not the person you need to tell all this to right now. You should talk to someone who knows how to help, like Heather.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispered.

“No, I understand.” A kiss pressed against the top of his head. “And I’m not upset at you. Both our emotions are running really high. I just—this isn’t blaming you or to make you feel bad, but it hurts to hear all the horrible things that happened to you. I already wish I could have stopped it before it happened, but hearing you say it is a lot worse than thinking about it and I wasn’t ready to hear everything.”

“That’s not everything.”

“I know.” Remus’ voice cracked. “I know, and that’s the worst part. This video was a bad idea, I should call—”

“No, no, don’t do that.” Sirius caught his wrist as he reached for the phone. “The video isn’t the problem. It will help people. It’s just hard for me to talk about it without getting overwhelmed.”

Remus hesitated, but left the phone alone and hugged Sirius close again. “I’m here.”

“I know.”

“And I’m not gonna leave.” His chest rose and fell. “But—but if you need to tell me things, not just today, please give me fair warning first.”

“I will,” Sirius promised. They sat quietly for a moment before he sat up and pulled the soup bowl into his lap, letting the steam roll over his face. “Mon dieu, I was doing so good before this. It’s been the best two years and now…”

“Now it’s going to be better,” Remus filled in when he trailed off. A slender hand tucked his hair behind his ear. “It’s going to be better, Sirius. For you, and for lots of other people that you’re helping. But this is the hard part.”

“This is the really, really hard part,” he agreed, taking a sip of broth. It was the perfect temperature. “Thank you.”

“It’s just soup.”

“No, for everything. Everything you’ve done for me.” he rested his head on Remus’ shoulder, then left a lingering kiss on his cheek. “I love you more than I can say.”

A wry smile tilted the side of Remus’ mouth up. “In English or French?”

“Both,” Sirius half-laughed. “Both, I promise. I’m going to finish this, and then can we take a nap?”

“That sounds perfect. Make sure to drink your water, too.”

It would not be an easy evening, or an easy night, or an easy anything when the video came out. But he would work through it, and he would remember what he had learned from his family and his friends to move past the roadblocks his childhood always created. He would call Regulus, they would cry together, and they would be okay. He would be okay.

[malereader-inserts]

Even Though it Hurts

Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Remus Lupin & Son!Reader Summary: You have a will power than no other. Word Count: 2,032 Request: “ Hi, I love your writing so much. Can you do dad!Remus Lupin x son!reader, where the reader is in secret relationship with Seamus and Remus find out? Just some super angsty story, cuz I live for angst (I knew Remus will be supporting parent). Thank you✨” A/n: Okay, I tried my best to make it angsty. WARNING: homophobia, homophobic slur, anxiety 

It’s not like you wanted your dad to know. 

You didn’t really know what was going through your mind, really, because you know your old man. Your dad was a loving father, he supported you in anything you had interested in. If you were into potions, he would try and get to a little chemistry set - muggle kind that wouldn’t end up exploding the house. If you were into muggle history, he would take you to the museums wherever you lived at that moment. 

If you were interested in quidditch, he would give you books about the history of quidditch and the rule book. He even tried to get to a broom with his own money, but he had to dip into your mother’s money (which was reserved for you and anything you wanted, it was open to Remus as well because before she died she really loved Remus.) 

But, you weren’t sure if he would support you in a new revelation of yourself.

That included kissing pretty boys in the corners late at night. 

Granted, when you spent a summer with Remus and Sirius, they talked about how they had a relationship before Remus got with your mother and Sirius whored about.

Still, it was something you were terribly scared of. Your best friends have tried convincing you and settle your racing mind that you were overthinking it and that Remus would love you no matter what you were or have done.

“You take your time, babe, but I don’t know why you’re stressin’. Your dad is sound and he’ll take the news fine!” Your boyfriend says as you sighed, closing your book. 

“Everyone is saying that Seamus, but that doesn’t eliminate the slight possibility that he wouldn’t approve.”

“I think it does, (Y/n),” Seamus replied, giving you a pointed look, “Why are you so afraid?”

You stare at your boyfriend, “I’m going to bed.” 

“Wha-?”

“Night.”

Seamus watches you tuck yourself in bed, moving the pillows around you so that your boyfriend could slip into bed with you. You flick your wand to turn off the lights as Seamus watches you dumbfounded.

You rubbed your hand as you make it to your next class, which was transfiguration, you smiled at your boyfriend - managing to give him a kiss on the cheek as he flushed red. You moved to stand with Ron and Harry as Dean teases Seamus.

“A minute to the hour, what took you so long?” Ron asked you as you shrugged your shoulder.

“Caught up in the library, sorry,” You replied as you sat down.

Harry was next to Ron as you sat down next to Seamus, who was jabbing you in the side trying to get your attention. McGonagall starts the lesson and Hermione randomly appearing out of nowhere. No one batted an eye throughout that lesson, it was a double before the end of the day.

So, when the lesson finishes, McGonagall calls you to stay behind. You tell Harry, Ron and Hermione not to fuss over you as you held Seamus’ hand a bit longer. Seamus was the last to leave, giving you a supportive look because as much as McGonagall was lovely - she sure can be intimidating.

“Mr Lupin,” she says, calling you over to her desk as you meekly pulled your shoulder bag further onto your shoulder as you walk towards her, “Have a biscuit.”

“I’m okay, Professor,” you replied.

She narrows her eyes, “What was the punishment she gave you.”

Of course, your head of the house would clock on. She had seen how happy you were at the end of the fourth year, how you were so comfortable with showing off that Seamus was yours. She could tell there was a behaviour change in you because as the fifth year started - she knew you weren’t stressed about the subjects.

You were a smart kid, but this was something concerning. You avoided being seen with Seamus unless it was in the privacy of the common room and the bedroom.

“Let me see your hand,” She held her hand out and you knew you had to comply because she wouldn’t let you out of the room.

You gave her your non-dominate hand as she examines the injury. She didn’t like how it was still red, it told her that it was a fresh open wound as bruises started to surround the vile words.

“(Y/n)...”

She looks up at you and you already had started to sob, it was almost her motherly instinct that kicked in as she abruptly stood up and beckoned you to sit down as she soothes your back. 

“It wasn’t bad at first, you know?” You started to explain, “At first they were about dad and how he was a werewolf.”

McGonagall could see the scarring of the old sentence you had to write, “WEREWOLVES ARE VILE MONSTERS.”

She watches you cry harder as you started to hiccup, with a flick of her wand, a glass of water was starting to make way towards you.

“Catch your breathing, darling,” She says to you, rubbing your back, “I guess the wench found out about you and-?”

You chuckled, surprising her because honestly you hadn’t expected so much venom from a well-kept woman like Professor McGonagall and you weren’t expecting her to comfortably call Umbridge names. 

“Yes, she called me in first, gave me the option to either take the punishment or let Seamus. I couldn’t let him do that, and then she told me not to say a word to dad because if she found out, she- she...”

McGonagall could and would throw her shit if she could. No-one should be able to harm the students at all cost, Hogwarts was a place of safety and inducing fear in the students was the last thing she wanted. 

You hiccupped, “She would find where dad would be and make sure he would pay for his actions - I don’t know what she would charge my dad with, but, I can’t lose my dad like I have with my mother. He’s all I have left. I can’t hurt my dad, I can’t hurt my boyfriend, even if it kills me.”

She stares at you in silence, because a young teenager shouldn’t have to think like that.

“Alright, I’ll write you off for the rest of the week, and let me bandage your hand.”

Perhaps you were terrified to tell your dad about the punishment you have to endure, perhaps you were terrified how your dad would react that you rather endure pain and homophobia than tell him. You know that your dad would lose his cool.

McGonagall tends to your wound, she doesn’t want to see the nasty words on your hand and she knows full well you didn’t want to either. 

You leave her classroom to go back to bed, luckily, it was nearing Christmas so Christmas break was soon to come. 

You spent many days talking to McGonagall, she couldn’t stop you from going to detention, so no matter how many bandages you go through, you could feel the pain of two sentences branded on you.

“WEREWOLVES ARE VILES MONSTERS.”

“I AM A DISGUSTING FAGGOT.”

You managed to go home early due to the attack on the Wesley family, as you were considered part of their family as well as Hermione and Harry, they allowed you to go home - home as in the base of the Order. 

You weren’t sure how to confront your dad as you tried spending your time sending letters to Seamus. 

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

You slammed your hand down on the desk as your head the voice before meekly turning around to see your dad, raising a concerned eyebrow.

“You scared me,” You sighed out, putting your feather down into the ink, “Announce your presence at least dad!”

Your dad chuckled, “I apologise, next time I will knock before speaking.”

You smiled as you turn yourself to look at him as he slowly enters the room, he wonders why you were cooped up in the room. Hermione was often seen downstairs reading a book whilst Ron and Harry was busy with themselves. But, you, you rather stay in your room.

“Are you ill?”

“Partly,” You responded far too quickly, you were nervous for some reason - the same nerves that ran down your back when you were in Umbridge’s office. 

When you were in “detention” she would rather have you answer quickly, you feared too much that you would reprimand. You pulled your sleeves down just to cover your hands.

“Running a bit of a fever, I’ll just sleep it off, dad.”

“(Y/n),” Remus narrowed his eyes at you, his chilled son that was much more of an anxious mess, “What’s going on? I’ve noticed that you’re sporting the same bandage as the twins and Harry.”

“Well-”

“And they told me it was because of Umbridge,” Remus continues, not meaning to interrupt you, “Son, what did she make you write?”

Remus hated the woman after she was the one to put up the suggestion on the law of werewolves, he would hate himself, but the tears confirmed his fears.

“I’m sorry!” You cried, looking down to cover your face with your hands.

“Shh, my boy,” Remus strides to give you a hug, he kneels in front of you as he lightly grabbed your hand, “May I?”

You sniffled and slightly nodded, you allowed your dad to wrap the greyish bandage. He didn’t know what he was expected, but the words that were scarred into you was worst than he thought. He wanted to throw up, he could understand the werewolf one - you are paying for his condition.

“Can you explain to me the other-?”

“Please don’t hate me!” That was your immediate response.

It wasn’t the confident response that Remus has in mind, he didn’t care if you were gay - you were still his son and he wouldn’t see you any differently. After all, he was a werewolf and you didn’t care at all - and he was considered a threat. 

He hoped that if you ever had the need to come out to him, he was expecting you to send him a letter that you were bringing home your boyfriend to meet him because you were so confident that your dad would welcome him with open arms. But, not this.

“(Y/n), I would never hate you for being gay,” Remus spoke firmly, “I love you with all my heart and you liking boys wouldn’t change the fact.”

“But-”

“My darling boy,” He says softly, “Were you afraid of my reaction because of the fear that Umbridge had instilled in you?”

You didn’t respond but that was enough for him to understand the situation as he sighs, rubbing his thumb on your forehead before bringing it close to his lips, placing a family peck upon your temple.

“I’m not mad nor will ever be mad, okay?” You nodded, it doesn’t settle the anxiety in you and Remus knows that, “So, do you have a boyfriend?”

Remus changes the topic, get you to relax first before forwarding the situation with you and the fear you had. You looked at him confused at the sudden change of topic before softly smiling to yourself at the thought of your boyfriend.

“It’s Seamus.”

“Seamus?” Remus says, narrowing his eyes, “The pyromantic maniac?”

You nod.

“Well, I guess it’s not Draco,” Remus says as you smiled at your dad, who gives you the same loving smile, “Though, when we’re able to have visitors - we’re not allowing Seamus to use magic. I cannot risk having someone blowing up the house!”

“I mean, that is fair,” You agreed with him, Remus chuckles, “You promise you’re not mad?”

“There’s nothing to be mad about, son, now are you more comfortable to talk about your hand?”

You looked at him, it was now or later and you didn’t want to experience the dread of that conversation. You take a deep inhale and exhale before giving Remus a nod. Your dad perched himself on your bed, preparing to hear your story. 

“I want to hear how you and Seamus got together first, actually.” 

“Really dad?”

[cowboylikeghost]

Here are 73 fact about me that nobody ask for but i need validation

1- I love Reading, drawing and plants even if i always kill them

2- I'm a whore for Jane Austen

3- I love when people prove that a conspiracy theory is false

4- I have a weird passion for geology and paleontology

4- I probably have undiagnosed ADHD because of my mother

5- I'm bad at frienship, every of them have to be special

6- My love language is talking about my passion and learning everything about the person, people think it's weird, i have nobody

7- I'm hopeless romantic even if i act like i'm not

8- I hate being touch and i hate hug, they feel weird to me

9- I hate when someone is next to me and their arm or knee touch me, it's make me feel anxious

10- I'm an introvert with diagnosed social anxiety, i'm also an infp and a sagittarius

11- I'm bi and disgusted about the idea of having s*x with someone, i think i'm ace, nobody will ever love me like i do

12- Autumn is the best season and i basically live for rainy day, if it could rain forever i will be the happiest

13- I love academic validation but i suck at school, my only way to work is to pretend i'm Chilton Rory Gilmore

14- I read non stop for 6 month and after i go on a reading slump for the rest of the year

15- I don't have a stable personality

16- I write sad poetry

17- I'm sad and this is my main personality trait

18- My family said that i'm basically sadness from this Disney movie

19- I want to move in a cottage in England with a lot of mountains so i can found cool rocks

20- I have a no self control and a big problem with my emotions

21- I get angry very easily

22- I only have 3 friends and one of them is my sister

23- I have commitment issues

24- I broke up two times in two years with two different girls that lives at more than 8h from me

25- I hate what the french language became even if i can't write a sentence without any fault

26- English is my fav subject at school

27- I hate eyes contact, it's make me uncomfy and i feel like people judge me

28- I feel like i'm better than everyone

29- I feel like everyone hate me

30- I feel sorry for every teacher

31- I love being in my bed, scrolling on my phone or reading but i hate sleeping because i feel like i'm wasting my time

32- Sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night because i feel like i forgot something for school, even if i'm in vacation

33- I hate people at school because i get bullied

34- People don't like me but i would kill to have someone like me in my life so i don't understand

35- I don't understand every jokes, i just know it's suppose to be funny so i laught, i just understand that

36- Taylor Swift is my only religion

37- I Iove more Harry styles songs than Harry styles himself, i found him arrogant and he always date problematic women, Stan Niall

38- I would do anything for Ben Barnes and Tom Hiddleston or any british men in their 40 who have a degree in literature

39- I relate to Spencer Reid in a way that nobody could ever understand

40- I love true crime, my favorite stories are about cult

41- My love for my cat is not healthy, if he died, i have to follow him

42- I alway stop watching Gilmore girls when Rory finish Chilton because i hear that she became annoying but she's one of my confort character so i don't want to see it

43- I prefer the marauders over the golden trio

44- I'm a Remus Lupin kinnie and a James Potter Simp

45- I hate Dumbledore with my whole heart i could talk about it for hours

46- I started all the young dudes, i like it but i cry at every chapter so i stoped

47- I hate my brother but if he died i would be destroyed

48- When i was little i have an obsession with panda and now i have panda everywhere in my room

49- I don't know if i want to live alone forever because i like the idea or because of any other reason

50- I alway need adults validation

51- When i was a kid i was sleeping with my socks on because i liked it but i learned that some people think it's weird so i stoped

52- I eat my cereal with no milk and i don't understand the debate, for me it always taste the same: disgusting

53- I hate touching food that isn't mine ( like when someone ask if you want to taste their meal, or if you have to clean something that someone else eat in, it's just make me want to threw up)

54- I have to sleep with no sound, if you breath a little to loud i will not be able to sleep, i'll be angry and probably hit you, one time my sister breathed too loud and i cryed

55- When i was a kid i hated turtle neck, it maked me feel like i was chocking but i learned how to support it even if it's still uncomfy

56- I hate when a shirt, a dress or a blouse show too mutch of my skin, i don't like it

57- I always wear a tank top with my t-shirt and if i don't i feel naked

58- My first panick attack was because i had a fight with my brother and my dad was yelling at me and didn't see it (i'm not mad at him)

59- When i was little i acted like i couldn't read because i was scared my mom will not read story to me anymore

60- I had my first phone at 13 but i wish i didn't

61- When i was 11 i started reading sm*t on my DS and it became an addiction, i wish everyday i forget what i read

62- I realise i was bi because of Millie Bobby Brown in Stranger things

63- I didn't realise my feminisme wasn't good until a 12yrs old insulted me in a comment section, i said thanks to her after

64- I love kids, i think they're cute and i'm jealous of their innocence so i act like i hate them

65- I want to raise a kid alone in the forest

66- I'm sure that my grandma in my dad side is a lesbian and that my mom is bisexual but have internalised homophobia

67- I hate when boomer joke about hating their husband/wife, just divorce

68- I still have my babies plush even if they're disgusting and look possessed

69- I sleep with my fairy lights on because three month ago i had a sleep paralysis

70- My parents are responsible of 80% of my insecurities and don't even know it

71- I love when it's get dark earlier in autumn/winter

72- I'm an Amy March simp

73- I just made a liste of 73 fact about me

[70swizards]

random wolfstar headcanons

remus usually never initiates cuddling or any physical contact, he’ll just stare at sirius till he does it

sirius: what? what do you want?

remus: *says nothing till sirius comes and cuddles him*

remus “don’t touch me” lupin = the cuddliest when sleepy

sirius the blanket hog™️

they both cant sleep without their plushies. remus had had a little teddy bear since he was a child, and sirius a black dog that james had gotten him a few years back

remus prefers sleeping in pajama pants and short sleeves shirts while sirius prefers to toss himself into any of remus’ shirts or just sleep in his boxers

if one of them has a bad day, they’ll sleep in the same bed and shut the curtain and talk about future plans like making flower crowns thag weekend, or how remus wanrs to take sirius to the beach one day, show him the waves at sunset and just listen to the gushing waves that drenched the sand

after remus becomes prefect, he and sirius tend to fall asleep in the warm bath rhay smells like vanilla and shea fogging up the mirrors

or when sirius comes back from a long practice, remus would help him take his equipment off

“moony my head is stuck help”

“yeah uhm...i cant fix that, love”

“hELP ME YOU TWAT”

so instead of actuallt helping him when he needs it, remus would lift his shirt and give him a little peck on the nose and let him struggle

remus is always fixing sirius’ blouse underneath his robes because the unevenness of it bothers him, plus sirius can’t fix the collar for the life of him. sirius just smiles

one christmas, when james was away and sirius hadn’t moved in yet, he stayed at hogwarts alone. it was insanely quiet. sirius did not do well with quiet, and most of the time, that’s what it was like when you were almost alone in a castle. sirius felt like he was suffocating

when remus comes back, he begins to notice how sirius had become more on edge, he wanted to help. he’s not the best at “humaning” but he’d do anything for sirius

so one day, while passing by the empty library, he sees sirius who was sat on one of the benches towards the end, hugging his knees, slightly shaking

instinctively, remus wanted to help, but didn’t know how. before he could think about it, he was hugging sirius and rambling about how athena once turned someone into a spider

soon he realizes that siirus was starting to shake more, he panicked, thinking he just made it worse, until he heard a little giggle escape sirius’ mouth. remus looked down at the boy in his arms, sirius was looking up at him, red eyes, puffy from crying, but he was laughing

remus sighs in relief, sirius just hugs him tighter whispering “thank you, moons. i love you so much”

remus introduces sirius to face masks and to say the least, he now forces the marauders to follow his routine. face mask every friday after school, snacks and a movie on lily’s laptop

“sIRIUS STOP MAKING ME LAUGH MY FACE IS CRACKING-“

everyone just laughs at that, and yes, remus’ face does end up cracking

[lyallblacklupin]

My other half.

Sirius is very upset because his other half, James Potter, has been taken away from him. The James who used to hold Sirius after a nightmare has Lily Evans in his arms one particular night, which angers Sirius a lot. He thinks that he has lost his friend. Little does he know, there is a certain perfect Marauder who understands him more than he understands himself.

“And then what I got to see was Evans! You just don’t care about your best friend anymore because of her!”

“Sirius, I can’t take care of you all the time! And I want you to be supportive here, be my best frien—“

“Whoa, whoa, what do you mean by ‘I can’t take care of you all the time’?” Sirius almost yelled at James, his chest heaving violently. James sighed and rubbed his temples.

“Pads, how many times I have to tell that Lily is now my girlfriend—“

“And what about me!?” Sirius knew that this was an unhealthy act of friendship and that was: Possessiveness. But he wanted to get this unsettling agitation off his chest that had been clinging him since the last night he had found Lily Evans buried in James’ embrace. Sirius had never felt so furious, and betrayed in his life. He wanted to lash out on his best friend, who was just like a brother to him. A non-biological brother who’d always been there for Sirius when his blood family sent him a shitty letters, and reassured him that he was not alone because the Potters were his family now, the same brother who’d been there to hold him when he had nightmares so he’d tuck him in his embrace and he could sleep a dreamless slumber till dawn, and then he’d go to his own bed. However, last night had been an exception, because the two brothers had an intervention after almost six years of inseparability, in the name of Lily Evans who had just started coming and going in their dorm, and Sirius felt like his privacy was assaulted.

“Sirius, don’t make this hard, please…” James flopped down on his bed, holding his head in his hands. Sirius hated that look because it reflected the exhaustion he was feeling, and it felt like a verification for Sirius that James was done taking care of him. Sirius knew that James had been taking extra care of him since they were eleven that even Remus and Peter had been annoyed and hated him for favoring Sirius more than he needed. Sirius didn’t want to feel like a child when he was a hopeless sixteen who didn’t have a girlfriend or anyone of his roommates to take constant of care of him. He knew that he was unfair with James. He knew that how much James wanted to date Lily Evans, and he also knew that he was being a pathetic friend and a mean brother to him for ruining his happiness by fighting him.

“Sirius?” James asked softly when Sirius was gazing hard on the floor, his mind in the trance of endless thoughts, and they just spiked up the guilt inside him.

But there was just this unnamed emotion of bitterness sitting at the top of his chest that denied him from acknowledging all of those facts about James Potter.

“It was the first nightmare I had without having you with me.” He blurted out, not looking at James at all. He believed that there was no one in the dorm except the two of them because if there were, he’d have been hearing gagging or huffing noises from the rest of the two marauders.

“Pads, I know. But what do you want me to do?” James’ voice sounded helpless.

“Nothing…absolutely nothing.” And with that, Sirius turned around to walk out of the dorm. He was reaching for the doorknob when his eyes side-caught Remus Lupin sitting on his bed, who had witnessed the entire conversation between them. Sirius thought his heart had stopped beating for a second. He fought back the embarrassment and scurried out of the room in a flash, hoping Remus hadn’t seen his flushed face.

Sirius spent his whole day with the rest of the Marauders, because James and Lily had gone to lake, hand in hand, together. He knew that James was giving him space. Peter was serving detention, so technically, Sirius got to hang out with the only Marauder and that was Remus Lupin.

Both of them were sitting under the tree. It had been an hour since they had been relishing the double free periods, and none of them had spoken a single word. Remus had a reason to stay quiet because he was reading a book of poetry, while Sirius was playing with the thorns of the grass, plucking and brushing them. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a reason to stay silent but because it was a ridiculous one that his best friend had finally gone out with the girl of his dreams, and he is being an absolute prat about it. Yeah, great one, Sirius! He internally mocks himself.

“Padfoot?”

Sirius praised himself that he didn’t yelp because he had almost believed that he was alone until Remus called him out.

“Moony?”

“You okay?” Remus’ amber eyes bored into him. Sirius had to look away for a bit. Remus Lupin was another story in his already chaotic life. In short, he was a mystery, even after he had revealed himself as a werewolf, who had a dying mother, and was miserably poor. Yet still, he was like a treasure residing in the depths of an island, and it never failed to tempt Sirius.

“Yeah, why?” He cleared his throat, but Remus was still gazing him.

“You are sulking.” Sirius could feel the smirk on his face without having to look.

“No, I am not.”

“I can tell.” He sighed, and Sirius thought he was done asking, and must have gone back to his book but he continued, “Your head is dangling low, your eyes are blinking a little too much, and your hands…well they don’t take a break from causing a wreckage like you are doing right now…”

Sirius looked down and saw that a palm-sized patch was created on the ground because of the plucking of grass. He looked back at Remus whose eyes were smiling more than his mouth.

“Congratulations, you just won the house cup for studying Sirius Black’ sulking postures.” Sirius said with a deadpanned face, and Remus laughed amusingly, putting away his book. It was a precious thing he did, because Remus rarely put his book away for anyone. Maybe Sirius was not just anyone for him.

They spent the afternoon talking and laughing, and Sirius felt warm and blissful to realize how much he enjoyed Remus’ company. He really underestimated him, and it made him feel all blue. He was gone back to sulking when James and Lily arrived for the dinner, while Remus was gone back to sit with Peter as usual.

The midnight was emerged upon Sirius as he had woken up from another nightmare. His vision was blurry, and he sat up on his bed. He was shivering and the covers were not helping him because he could feel the perspiration on his back and arms. James was sleeping alone because his curtains were not drawn shut, and Sirius was craving the human warmth but he wasn’t feeling right to go to him after their argument. He gathered his knees and pulled them close to his chest. He felt like crying because now he was recognizing that agonizing emotion inside him, and that was: Loneliness.

The reason he never had a proper relationship with a girl was because he never wanted to have a girl in his life. He had thought that his roommates were his only family, and they were the only ones he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. He loved them so much. He let his tears fall, and slipped into his cover again anyway, curled up in a ball. He knew that sleep was nowhere near him.

Just when he thought he could change into Padfoot, he heard the rustling sound of curtains. He felt alerted and, in all honesty, scared. He knew that his mind was deceiving him. They were just the aftershocks of the nightmares, but then he felt footsteps approaching. He squeezed his night shut. And then—

“Sirius?” It was not James.

“Moony?” Sirius turned around to find Remus standing in his pajamas. His hair were sticking out in every directions.

“Can I sleep with you?” His voice was hoarse, and he looked uncomfortable.

“Of course, you can. Hey, you okay?” Sirius scooted to make some space for him.

“Nightmares.” He replied, and it instantly broke Sirius’ heart.

They both laid together with a respectful distance, facing each other. Sirius could hear Remus’ teeth chattering. The half-moon’s light was landing on Remus, and Sirius could see his knuckles turning white as he fisted the blanket close to his chest. His eyes were screwed shut. Sirius was able feel every move of his body. He placed a hand on Remus’ cheek, and those amber eyes snapped open. Sirius decided that it was definitely the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Remus smiled weakly at him. He was reaching to hold Sirius’ wrist of that same hand before Sirius grabbed his shoulders, and shoved him in his embrace.

He thought Remus would protest. Instead, he melted. He buried his face in the crook of his neck, wrapping his own hands around Sirius’ waist, pulling him impossibly closer, while Sirius did the same by enveloping his torso by his own arms.

“I���m here for you, Pads.” Remus whispered in his skin, and it made Sirius smile.

“I’m here for you, too, Moony.”

Both of them fitted perfectly into each other’s bodies. After when they were relaxed in their positions, Sirius looked down to see the Remus sound asleep, a contenting smile tugging his lips, and suddenly that emotion of loneliness inside Sirius dissipated like it never existed.

[comfortwriting]

Unexpected Part 2 - R.L

Masterlist, Requesting Rules, Writing Prompt Masterlist

Remus Lupin (Marauders Era) x Fem Reader

Unexpected Part 2, please read Part 1 if you haven't already.

About: Lupin finds out he's about to be a father, but he isn't happy about it, in fact, he's terrified, believing that someone like him could never be a good father.

A/N: Thank you for all the love on Part 1 - I know this second part has been long-awaited, thank you for all the love, support and reading Part 1!

Warnings: Swearing, mention of abortion.

"The baby I'm carrying" you choked "it's yours."

Remus shook his head, appearing as if he had been stunned, disarmed during a duel "Mine? It can't be mine!"

"Well it is, Remus!" you argued, your throat sore and burning "You're the only person I've slept with!"

Remus swallowed hard, still shaking his head and rubbing the back of his head with his hand that was covered in marks, he thought back to the last night you had spent together, how he was quick to finish and banish you away from the bedroom, then ignoring you for weeks until now.

Sirius stared at his best friend, unsure whether or not he would flip out, so he walked closer to you, pushing himself in front to protect you  - but Lupin wasn't violent, he got angry and could be very harsh when upset or annoyed, but he couldn't even lay a finger on you, no matter how angry he got, as long as the moon wasn't full.

"I understand if you're scared," you cried "believe me, I am too."

Remus couldn't stand this: the sight of you scared and crying, his best friend protecting you from him, the fact that his baby - a miniature monster would be growing inside of you, the same miniature monster that would have a poor excuse of a father. He wouldn't have this, he couldn't.

"If you're smart, like I know you are, you'll get rid of it." He snapped, not caring if he hurt your feelings.

"Please don't talk like that!" you raised your voice at him, walking closer to him, away from Sirius.

"No!" he yelled, his anger and insecurities getting the better of him "We shouldn't - we cannot continue like this, it was a mistake to let whatever we have to go on for this long, look where it's gotten us!"

"You don't get to piss off for a few weeks, ignore me, come back and force me into a decision I haven't made!" you yelled back, no longer caring who could hear you.

Sirius took hold of your hand, comforting you, debating whether or not if now was the time to challenge his best friend and talk him out of the hole he's digging.

"Why do you think I ignored you?" Remus yelled again "Get rid of it before you ruin its life and mine! Don't force this upon me!"

"Mooney, calm down, stop yelling at her alright?" Sirius interrupted James and Lily not far behind now, breaking into a sprint.

"You of all people have no right to get involved!" Remus pointed at him, glaring.

"What's happened to you?" you croaked "How could you be this cold?"

Your hot tears rolled down your red cheeks, you stared into his eyes - how could this be the same Remus your heart skipped beats over? How something that came from an accident gets him so angry? How could he accuse you of sleeping with his best friend?

Remus stared back into your eyes, he looked upset, frustrated, but after a while, he looked at the floor, he couldn't look you in the face because you were right. How could he disappear like nothing happened that night? How could he ignore you, but be in the company of his best friends? You considered yourself worthy of that title long ago.

James and Lily finally caught up, out of breath, concerned, and confused about what was unfolding in front of them. Lily approached you and stood by your side, wrapping her arm around you, trying to ask you what was going on - you shook your head and cried into her arms whilst James separated Sirius and Remus.

"Mooney! Padfoot! What the hell is going on?!" He hissed, looking between the two of them.

Remus shook his head, your words affecting him more than you had meant - his eyes were glassy and his lips were trembling. "There's nothing else to say, Prongs." he shrugged, turning around and walking away.

Sirius tried to go after him, but you and James grabbed him, keeping him in line so he didn't get into any more trouble.

Sitting in the empty common room in front of the large and warm fire, you and Lily cuddled up together, her hands stroking your arm for comfort.

"I can't imagine how scary this is for you, Y/N," she said softly.

You shrugged "It's less scary knowing I have you and the others, but I can't understand how he got so angry so fast." you sighed "he accused me of sleeping with Sirius!"

Lily was no stranger when it came to Mooney, Padfoot, and Prongs. For a long time, Lily couldn't stand James and she frequently turned him down and insulted him until you encouraged her to see through his ego and give him a chance. With James constantly drooling over her to Sirius, he knew who she was too and he often tried to get her to talk to James, but even he couldn't play matchmaker quite well as you.

Unknown to you, Lily and Remus were good friends - not best friends - but she knew things about him that even you didn't know, she got to find out his insecurities, she helped him as the full moon lingered around the corner, she saw the vulnerable side to him that you didn't - Remus trusted her on that level; it would crush you knowing that the lad you frequently slept with trusted another girl more than you, with his deepest and darkest secrets.

Lily pursed her lips and frowned, the orange glow from the fire complimenting her hair and eyes.

"He's going through a lot." she sighed, pushing some hairs out of her face.

James and Sirius watched the two of you from afar, talking to one another.

"What do you think she'll do?" James asked.

Sirius shrugged "I don't know," he said sadly "But she can't go through this alone."

"That doesn't give him the excuse to treat me like that!" you cried, pulling away from Lily.

"I never said that it does," she said calmly "he's just going through things you wouldn't understand."

Sirius and James exchanged looks, both of them confused about Lily's knowledge - like you, the both of them were unaware of the friendship between Lily and Remus.

"And you do?!" You huffed, glaring at her.

"Y/N, please don't turn this into something it isn't-"

You shook your head and scrambled off the sofa, how could you keep it? You had only just found out and everything that had come with it was already too much to handle.

You felt sick, furious, hurt, broken, you were stupid enough to continue being involved with someone who got so jealous, who fucked his feelings out and got you knocked up. You didn't want to be around anyone but Sirius, he always knew how to help, how to cheer you up and keep you level headed.

Storming past Lily, you grabbed hold of Padfoot's hand and dragged him through the portrait hole.

"Where are we going?" he asked quietly, trying not to get caught.

You shrugged, more tears streaming down your face "I don't know, for a walk, anywhere but here."

Taglist: @amourtentiaa @reeophidian @inglourious-imagines @alwaysnforeverfangirl @impulse-anchor @impossiblekingdomheart

[tinawriting]

This is what we fought for (S.B)

Requested: Yes/No

Pairing: Sirius Black x fem!reader

Navigation

Summary: Everyone is trying to keep the Potters safe during the war. Sirius suspects. Y/n has an idea.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, one sex joke, little bit of angst at the end, not proofread, my english.

A/N: Everyone lives/Nobody dies AU! This was really fun to write and an amazing idea. This is how things should have gone.

Word count: 2.4k

Green lights were surrounding them. His breath was caught on his throat, the not knowing if they were going to get out of this one, the panic rising. He felt a hand grip his, he looked up to meet warm and soft eyes, home.

It was always like this with her, they could communicate with just a look. He nodded and let himself stand up, gripping his wand tightly, out of the corner of his eye he saw Y/n stand up as well. She was next to him but he had never felt so far away from her, he needed her touch, he needed her to get out of this one. Even if he didn't.

He started running towards the lights and felt how Y/n was closely behind him. When he saw them he didn't hesitate in start hexing them, not to kill them, no. Dumbledore said they had to just stop them, much to Sirius' dismay, if you asked him, he wouldn't care if all Voldemort's Death Eaters died tonight.

He started throwing hexes at everyone, but his mind was elsewhere. Y/n wasn't on sight anymore, and even if he knew how capable she was he couldn't help but looking for her among the crowd. He was so distracted he failed to notice the person coming from behind him.

"Crucio!"

"Protego!"

Sirius turned around to see Y/n face to face with the disgusting Antonin Dolohov. She had intercepted the spell coming in Sirius' direction. Coward, he thought, his only way of attack is from behind. Dolohov raised his wand in her direction with a sneer on his face.

He grabbed Y/n's arm and pulled her roughly behind him, his body shielding her from Dolohov.

"You hurt her and I'll fucking murder you." He said gritting his teeth, not breaking eye contact. He felt her tugging on his sleeve from behind, his arm still keeping her in place.

"Sirius, we have to go now," she said in his ear. "They're coming from everywhere! Let's go!"

He doesn't want to tear his eyes from Dolohov, but he can hear how they're being surrounded. He grabs her more firmly and Apparates them away.

"I could've handled him."

"I was just protecting you!"

They were in the Order Headquarters. After Apparating there, a couple of healers had help them with their wounds. Then, Y/n had grabbed Sirius' arm and guided him to an empty bedroom to talk to him about the Dolohov incident.

"Do not raise your voice with me Sirius Black," said Y/n lowly and with fire in her eyes. "And I don't need you to protect me. When we're fighting you're not my boyfriend anymore, you're my partner. I needed you to keep fighting."

"So you're saying it's my fault?" He said with an incredulous look on his face.

"I did not say that. But it you keep underestimating my abilities you're going to get us killed."

"I don't underestimate your abilities!"

"Then why the fuck wouldn't you just keep fighting and let me deal with Dolohov?"

"I don't want to lose you!"

"You will if you keep this up!"

They were screaming at this point, the eye contact almost unbearable. The silence allowed them to hear the laughs coming from the other side of the house.

"I can't lose you," he whispered. "I would kill me. I can't."

She took a couple steps towards him and he opened his arms for her. One of his arms on her back hold her close while the other kept her head against his chest. He kissed the top of her head and rested his chin there. Until this moment he had forgotten how small she was compared to him, how he would need to look down to look at her in the eye. He felt her shaking and how a puddle of tears were damping his shirt. In that moment he realized that tears were forming in his eyes too.

"I don't want to keep fighting Sirius," she said, her voice muffled by his chest. "I want this to end. I want to live normally, I want a house, a family. I'm tired of watching the people I care about die."

"I know my love, I promise you that I will give you that. Everything you want and more."

"I'm just saying," said Sirius. "You should keep an eye on him."

"I think Sirius is right." Said Peter.

"I don't," said James sternly. "Where did this come from?"

"We're not allowed to go on full moons with him anymore, and he’s supposed to get information from the other werewolves. How do we know what he does with them?"

Lily and Y/n were in the Potters' living room sitting on the couch. Y/n had a sleeping Harry wrapped in a blanket on her arms while Lily was reading a book.

"Do they think we can't listen?" Said Y/n looking at the closed kitchen door, behind it, James, Sirius and Peter were discussing who could be the spy that had been telling Voldemort details only people from the Order could know.

"They probably think we can't hear a word." Said Lily nodding. Y/n frowned at the closed door and decided she had to have a talk to her dear boyfriend. She gave Harry to Lily and stared a moment at the love in Lily's green eyes when she looked at her baby, this is what we're fighting for, she thought.

She opened the door a little harder that she wanted to and stared at Sirius' grey eyes, his soft smile fell when he noticed the hard look she was giving him.

"What is your problem? You don't trust your friends anymore?"

"Darling, this is really not your-"

"Not my place? Not my problem? What Sirius? Do you think the fact that there's a fucking spy breathing on my best friend's neck isn't my problem? Do you think that you talking shit about our friend behind his back without any other argument that 'he's a werewolf' isn't my fucking problem? All your life you've been judged for being a Black and you're doing the same with him? Do you really think Remus is the spy?"

"I'm not saying he's the spy just because he's a werewolf!"

"That's exactly what you're saying!"

"We can't trust anyone anymore!"

She scoffed. "Do you suspect me? Do you suspect Peter?" She noticed how Peter made a soft sound and turned to look at him, his hands were picking at a loose strand of his sweater and was trembling slightly. Strange. She looked at Sirius again. "Don't you trust your own friends anymore? Who are you?"

He looked incredulously at her and a little bit hurt. "Of course I trust you! You're my life, I will always trust you." He then looked at Peter. "And I trust Pete of course, you know what? That's it! He should be the secret keeper instead!"

What?

"What?" Said the rest of them in unison.

"Yeah! We won't tell Lupin and he'll think I'm the secret keeper. It's just a precaution."

She huffed. "Fine. Do whatever you want." And then she got out of the kitchen and entered the bathroom. What was Peter's problem? He had always been a nervous boy but the fact that he had contradicted James earlier and agreed with Sirius was something weird. She didn't want to judge him without any reasonable arguments like Sirius did with Remus. But how could she protect her friends? She heard a knock on the door and she just knew who it was, they were connected.

Se opened the door and saw Sirius standing there looking sheepishly back at her. "I'm sorry."

She sighed and let him in. "I know, I'm sorry too," she said closing the door. "I feel like we're fighting all the time lately."

He exhaled and met her eye, a smirk forming slowly on his face. "We've been doing other things too." He said looking her up and down. She chuckled softly, the tension leaving her shoulders. He raised a hand and held her cheek, caressing her softly. "I love you so much."

"I love you more." She said smiling softly at him.

"Imposible." He said leaning down and connecting their lips. She tried to show him how much he meant to her into the kiss. She let her fingers run through his hair and opened her mouth for him to deepen the kiss.

After they parted, she looked at his soft grey eyes, home.

An idea popped in her head. "I'm staying here."

"What?"

"I'm staying here, I'll be locked up with them until the Order needs me."

"What if I need you?" He looked like he was about to cry and her heart broke.

"I'll come home. I will," she said holding his face. "But I'll be here a lot, that's it, you won't even notice I'm gone."

"You know I will," his eyes were a little glassy and she hugged him tight. "Please be careful."

A week after that, Y/n wanted to give Harry the Halloween hat she knitted for him. It was absolutely horrible but she just wanted an excuse to go see her godson.

"That's really pretty." Said Sirius coming from behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. She laughed.

"No, it's not."

He chuckled. "It's really not." He kissed her cheek. "Are you going to be alright? Are you sure you want to go alone?"

"I'll be fine," she said turning around in his arms and placing a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you."

"I love you."

She grabbed her bag and wand and Apparated to Godric's Hollow, she walked where the house was and knocked. James was opening the door in no time and let her in, once inside he pulled her in a bone-crashing hug. "It's so nice to see you." He whispered into her ear. Soft giggles could be heard from upstairs, she smiled brightly and ran to see Harry. Lily was next to his crib and kissing his plump cheeks, she walked up to them and hugged Lily, Y/n kissed Harry's head softly and then placed the hideous hat on it. Lily made a face and then smiled kindly.

"It's horrible." She said.

"I know." Y/n replied.

Then, a loud explosion was heard downstairs, Lily and Y/n looked at each other wide-eyed.

"Send a Patronus." Said Y/n.

Then Y/n ran out of the room at the same time James cried out "Lily, Y/n, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"

Her eyes were almost out of her skull and she couldn't go faster. She saw in a blur James' wand and she shouted "Accio wand!"  She then saw James trying to hold back Voldemort wandless and looked in horror at how he raised his wand in James' direction.

“Avada Kedav-”

"Impedimenta!" She cried.

Y/n watched how Voldemort's action slowed down, she grabbed James by his arm and got him out of Voldemort's reach. She handed him his wand and heard various 'pop' of people Apparating, she hoped it was their friends and not some Death Eater. She watched as Voldemort's actions were slowly coming back to normal when Sirius and Remus appeared at the front door, Voldemort's red eyes made contact with hers.

"Crucio!"

In a fraction of second, her back hit the ground, a high-pitched noise in her ears was making her head hurt, she could feel herself screaming but couldn't hear it. All her limbs felt on fire, the pain almost unbearable. She lifted her head to see three rays of green light from her friend's wands being directed at Voldemort, and then, everything went black.

Her head hurt so much. She couldn't move. She couldn't even open her eyes. I must be dead. That's why I can't move. And then, she heard soft sobs and someone -no, Sirius- grabbing her hand delicately.

"Please, Y/n. Please come back to me." I'm here Sirius, I'm okay. "You saved James, and Lily, and Harry. And I'm so grateful for that, but I can’t be happy if you’re not with me. I’ll never be happy without you. I know you can save yourself too, you can do this my love, please come back. Come back so I can give you that house we talked about, so we can get married and have kids. Please.”

She slowly opened her eyes, her vision was blurry and when she turned her head she saw Sirius sitting on a chair with his head down, his hair shielding his eyes. She squeezed his hand weakly and he lifted his head so fast his neck made a sound.

He got up and sat down next to her in the bed she now realised it was James and Lily's. "Hello princess," he said kissing her softly, and her headache disappeared for a moment. "You had me worried." He chuckled, but it was empty, she noticed the tears strains in his cheeks and she lifted a hand to caress them away. He smiled. He hadn’t smiled a real smile in days and she thought she had never see him more beautiful.

“You’re beautiful.” Y/n said and he laughed softly. Then, she remembered. “Peter.” She whispered.

Sirius smile fell. “Yeah,” he said. “Remus… he didn’t do anything, you were right. We’re good now, though. He was understanding of the whole situation. I can’t believe I ever doubted him.”

“Did you kill him?” She asked wide-eyed. “Voldemort?”

“Yeah, the three of us used the killing curse on him. Dumbledore said we won’t go to Azkaban for doing it.” She scoffed, of course they weren’t, she would get them out herself if they were. “It was all thanks to you. James told us what you did, they would all be dead if it weren’t for you.”

“And Peter?”

Sirius’ frowned. “He… he disappeared, that stupid rat, we don’t know where he is. But it’s over now.” He started sobbing again, but he was smiling. “It’s over, we’re okay. We’re all okay. James, Lily, Remus and Harry. Harry is perfect! He has that disgusting hat on and he laughs!”

She smiled and tears were falling from her eyes as well. “I want to see them.”

“Yes, of course,” he said hurriedly before kissing her forehead. “I’ll bring them.”

Sirius got out of the room and she took a moment to breathe. It was over now, Voldemort was gone. The Potters were fine, Remus was fine, Sirius and her were fine. When the door opened again, the first thing she saw was the smiling face of her godson and thought this is what we fought for.

[blue-writes-things]

Like the Back of My Hand

Remus Lupin x Reader | Fluff (and angst if you squint)

“Why were you out in the forest? You’re not trying to prank me are you?” “What? Never! We’ve given up trying to prank you, you always see them coming!”

| Masterlist |

Words: 2256 A/N: Bold is other people's thoughts (will make sense in the fic), also I’m not used to this weird post formatte thing [tumblr] has going on so I’m sorry about the strange paragraphing 

Warning: Some swearing, very mild spice at the end, just kissing tho and angst some if you squint

Feedback is always appreciated! - Blue

Sometimes it was hard to walk around Hogwarts, with the mix of the verble talk, and the internal thoughts you could hear. When you're tired it’s even worse, like how you can’t concentrate on anything right now. You were a mix of hyper aware and completely unaware of everything around you.

Like how you have no clue what Remus is saying as he walks right next to you, but you know what that first year is hoping you’re having for dinner, and how she hates the girl she’s talking to.

You snap back to reality when Remus touches your shoulder, making you jump slightly, “You ok y/n? You’ve been really spacey all day” His eyebrows are frowned with a tight line of a concerned smile on his lips

“Oh yeah, I’m all good, just sleepy” You smile reassuring him, he didn’t believe you one bit but thought better to push it right now.

“I’m good, I promise!” Saying you were ‘fine’ or ‘ok’ told Remus you weren't ‘fine’ or ‘ok’ and in honesty, you were good, and you were sleepy, but you were also anxious, and overwhelmed. But he didn’t need to know that.

You looped your arm with his and continued to walk to the library together, the full moon was this Sunday, and you knew he liked to be with you when it was close, something about how calming you are, and how you always seem to know what to say to make him feel better around a moon.

He didn’t know how you knew what to do to help him leading up to and after a full, you treated him slightly different, never pushed him too much, but still made him rest more and remember to take care of himself. He had a tendency to forget about his general health and wellbeing around moons.

It seemed like Moony was also calmer around you. The day of the moon when the wolf was right under his skin, iching to get out. When his patience was running thin and he was snappy at people. When the wolf would cloud his mind during the day more. When he would almost growl at people (or the time he almost bit Peter for being so annoying)

You knew just what to say to get him to settle, often whispering things like “Just a little longer, wait a little longer for me” in his ear almost like you were talking to the wolf directly, he would give an almost unnoticeable nod and would settle.

It was only after a bit when Remus registered what you had said he would ask you about it; “What was it that you said earlier? About waiting a little longer?” “I don’t know what your talking about Rem”

He was a tad worried you knew about him being a werewolf, he hasn’t told you as he’s scared you will reject him and be scared of him.

Yet that was the last thing you would do, he meant way too much to you to let something like that push you apart. Plus, how can you judge someone for being ‘different’ when you were yourself?

The other marauders had been helping Remus think of some way to tell you about the wolf, Remus had been crushing on you for a while now, as long as you’d been crushing on him, so before anything could happen he wanted to tell you ‘So you could run if you wanted to’

You knew they’d made a plan but you didn’t know what it was. It was strangely refreshing to not be aware of everything going on.

“So uh, if you’re up to it, er me and the guys found this place in the forest awhile ago” During a moon “and I was wondering if you’d like to see it? It’s just really pretty and I think you’d like it...No pressure though! If you don’t want to it’s fine”

“I’d love to Remi” You smile as you two reached the library.

“Does tomorrow work for you?” “Perfect”

You originally went to the library to study, which you did, just not a lot. You ended up lying on the floor near one of the windows up the back, in the orange warmth of the sunset.

Remus’ head was in your lap, he had grabbed his favorite book from his bag, one you had given him for christmas in third year.

“Haven't you read that like a hundred times now?” You laugh and Remus smiled god I love her laugh. You didn’t try too hard to hide your blush. “It’s my favourite”

“Why’s that?” “Cause the main character reminds me of my favourite person” Cause the main character reminds me of you

“You’re so cute Remus Lupin” you say with a soft smile, scratching your fingers into a particular spot in his hair making him let out a happily content sigh.

***

That night you slept better than you thought you would.

You normally don’t sleep well, as you can hear your roommates (and sometimes the people sharing your wall) dreams which was very distracting when you're trying to shut off to sleep, but you were also very excited for the next day.

Having something be a mystery to you was new and for some reason made you giddy, see when you can read minds (even though you can’t control it and hate it) nothing is new to you, nothing is surprising.

Probably the worst is that you know what people think of you, you know when people are talking about you, how they think you're weird cause you’re always staring off into space, always seem bored, when you do tests you have to go to another room. Only a few staff members know about your little ability and don’t want you to cheat, even though you can’t help it.

***

You and Remus met up after breakfast, glad it was saturday so you could spend a lot of time together. As you walked together to the forest to the supposedly beautiful place, you joked and talked, being in the forest meant that you could only hear Remus, not first years talking shit about other people, just the sweet sounds of the forest and Remus’ voice.

“How long till we get there, my feet are dying” You jokingly pout making Remus chuckle “Not to far now, you really need to get your stamina up” 

You roll your eyes and lightly shove him, quick react! he stumbled slightly, as the full moon was tomorrow he was almost rock solid and had to pretend that it made him stumble as it would any other day.

He steers you to a left turn “Ta da!” he smiles, it really was beautiful, a crystal clear pond with flowers all around, the trees were slightly denser and closer together, making it like a little pocket out of time

“Wow, Remi, this is really beautiful!” You gush with a bright smile. Best.Surprise.Ever.

“I’m glad you like it! Me and the guys found it last month” Ok, time to tell her, you can do this Remus “Why were you out in the forest? You’re not trying to prank me are you?” You playfully glare at him

“What? Never! We’ve given up trying to prank you, you always see them coming!” he plops to the ground, his legs straight out in front of him, leaning back on his hands.

You move and sit next to him leaning your head onto his shoulder, watching a stag drink from the pond ‘Hi James’ you think to yourself

“So um, the reason we were out here was…” He tails off taking a deep breath. Come on Remus just spit it out already you just wait patiently, knowing this is hard for him, telling people your biggest secret is a terrifying thing to do. “We were out here because, I’m a werewolf and they help me on full moons, to make sure I don’t kill anyone”

He tenses next to you, not looking at you as you lift your head off his shoulder Oh merlin she thinks I’m a monster this was a mistake but you don’t run away like he thought you would, you turn slightly and wrap your arms around his neck hugging him.

His eyes went wider for a moment before pulling you closer, wrapping his arms around your waist, burying his face into your shoulder and letting out slight sobs. But you just hold him rocking slightly and playing with his soft curls.

Even though Remus was literally crying, the air was so calm and still, the stag had bounded off somewhere ‘See you later, James’ he must have just been there to make sure nothing happened to Remus but now was ok giving us some space.

After a while his sobs stopped shaking his shoulders. “Thank you for telling me Remi” you say softly with a gentle smile, he pulls back from your shoulder to look into your eyes.

“Y-you’re not scared of me?” “I could never been scared of you, I couldn’t give a flying fruit flavored fuck that you’re a werewolf, cause you’re still my Remus” I’m her Remus, I’m still the same person to her

Remus gave a small yet delighted smile “Can I tell you another secret?” “I’d be offended if you didn’t tell me” you both smile

“I’ve fancied you since like third year” his cheeks started heating up, giving them a light tinge of pink

“Ok, my turn to share a secret?” He nodded, he could tell where it was going “I’ve liked you since third year too” 

You both were smiling like goofs before he tackle hugged you, making you both fall back to the floor giggling and looking into each others eyes I wanna kiss her so bad right now

“Can I share one more secret? You have to know before anything else happens” Your smile fell slightly, Remus frowned “You can tell me anything, I’d be offended if you didn’t tell me” he echos your words, Considering I just told you I was a werewolf I doubt that it’s as bad

“Ok so, I can read minds” you cringed slightly, Remus just blinked a few times “I can’t control it, it’s just I can always hear what’s going on around me, every thought and feeling”

“S-so you knew? About me being a werewolf?” Remus moved off you sitting up ‘what have I done’ you just nod looking down, too ashamed to even look at his face “Did you know that I was taking you here?”

You take a deep breath “Being here has been the most amazing thing to happen to me in a long time, cause I had no clue that you were taking me here, it was quite exciting really” You give a small sad smile

“But I guess I ruined it all haven't I? This is why I don’t tell people cause they get freaked out, but in all honesty, I hate it! I hate knowing what people think and say about me, I hate knowing when a prank is coming” You take a deep breath.

“I hate that I’ve made you hate me” a single tear falls down your cheek

“Who says I hate you? I think your mind reading might be a little off because I don’t hate you” You finally look over to him 

“You don’t?”

“No! I mean I’m not going to lie it’s a little scary to know you’ve known that I’ve had a crush on you, and the whole werewolf thing, but I actually think it’s kinda cool” He smiles, you smile back wiping your tears with the heel of your palm.

“Wait, is that why you always know what to say and do around moons!” he says with a shocked smile, you laugh a little and nod “Oh thank the founders! I thought someone had told you! Can I just say that you help so much around moons when the lil’ shit is being aggravating!” 

You laugh with him, someone being almost excited that you’ve read their mind was new and refreshing,

“Whoa, everything makes so much sense now” He smiles at you, at genuin toothy grin that you can’t help returning, you end up giving into temptation and lean forward giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, making his cheeks go red.

“You’re so cute when you blush” you tease, he scrunches up his nose a bit before tackling you again, cageing you between his arms, he looks into your eyes I wonder how she looks when she blushes.

You raise an eyebrow at him “Have you already forgotten what I just told you” he just jokingly glares at you, a slight mischievous look in his eyes before leaning down and placing kisses all over your face as you giggle “Remi, sto-o-op”

“Alright, but can I kiss you here?” he takes one hand and touches your lips, now it’s your turn to blush

“Yes, please” Moving his hand away he leans down and gives you a very quick kiss to your lips

“Again?” you pout slightly, he smirks “You’re adorable” he kisses you again, this time not pulling away.

Bonus:

Sirius and James are standing behind a tree smirking at their ‘shy’ friend being a smug tease “We’re so good” Sirius whispers high fiving James

You pull away from Remus for a moment, calling out to them “I can hear you!” the two animagi’s eyes widen while you and Remus just laugh before he kisses you again.

[bruh--wtf]

Butterflies

Remus Lupin x Reader

Main Masterlist

Part 6

Previous Next

Summary: You're Lily Evans' little sister. She isn't the only witch in the family.

Remus Lupin Masterlist

You walked back into the common room after lights out that night. Purposefully. You hoped that your friends wouldn't be there. But of course, nothing was in your favor.

Remus sat on the couch, his leg was shaking, and he watched the fire intensely. You tried to sneak past him but he looked up as the portrait closed. He quickly stood up, walking over to you, letting out a breath.

"Thank Merlin, you're back. I was getting worried. And-" you just walked around him. It was physically painful to do so. A part of you knew Lily and the boys were only looking out for you. But a much bigger part was mad at them. "Wait, Y/N, please talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about, Remus," you say, still not turning back to him. He stops infront of you, causing you to stop. He puts gentle hands on your arms. A big contrast to how Seb touches you. You look down at his hand on your arm for a second. That feeling in your stomach coming. You were still confused for a second. A split second. Butterflies. No. No, wrong! Wrong person!

"Please, you're my bestfriend," he says. "I just don't want to see you feeling like that. It's painful, Y/N." You finally meet his eyes again, your eyes still wide from your realization. That good feeling in the pit of your stomach. The one that started causing nervous, yet comforting waves through you in third year. You felt them around Remus. Only Remus. And you barely registered his words.

"I'm with Seb," you say, more so to yourself. But he doesn't see that. He rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, I know. But he's not good for you, Y/N," he says. You meet his eyes. Now, that registered.

"And who would be good for me, huh? Nobody else has shown any interest in me, ever! I'm happy with Seb," you say. You were partially trying to convince yourself of the last bit.

You walked past him, not noticing the sad, hurt look on his face as you did so.

And the next day when you were in the hallway with Seb, his arm was slung over your shoulder. He was talking mindlessly to his friends while you were lost in your thoughts. Your gaze went to the side while you thought about what Dumbledore told you last night. And what you felt around Remus. Dumbledore couldn't have been talking about Remus, could he? You mindlessly chewed on your lip while you were thinking. Seb leaned down to whisper in your ear.

"Keep your eyes off other guys if you know what's good for you," he says. Was that a threat? You snapped your gaze to Seb. You glanced over, realizing your eyes had landed on where the Mauraders were talking across the field.

"They're my friends, Seb," you say. His gaze hardens.

"Not anymore." You roll your eyes.

"You can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with," you say. He raises an eyebrow, his arm leaving your shoulders. He grabbed your arm. This time was tighter than usual. Visually so, according to his friends reactions. The girls who you were friends with seemed a little surprised, staring at Seb as if he were going mad.

You just met Seb's eyes, not flinching. Not wavering. He pulls you away from his friends, towards the castle. You followed, him going faster than you would have liked.

He pushed you against the wall, your eyes never leave his. And you don't show a single sign of weakness.

"Gryffindors," he says, rolling his eyes. He lowers his lips to your ear. "So brave." His grip on your arm felt like it'll bruise. He pressed a kiss to your neck. You rolled your eyes, trying to push him off of you. But he didn't budge. You kept hitting his chest.

"Get off me, Seb!" You say. He grips both your arms now, glaring at you.

"You're my girlfriend. You'll behave like it." You showed weakness now. You were scared. Your eyes widened, and he seemed satisfied with your visible fear. You hated that. You glared right back at him.

"Then find yourself a new girlfriend. Because I don't want anything to do with you," you hiss. His grip somehow tightens.

"You're not breaking up with me," he says. You winced slightly.

"Except she is," you hear from down the corridor. You and Seb both look over. Mauraders. You couldn't help but smile slightly. But you didn't see Remus. Where was he?

"You guys stay out of this," Seb says, rolling his eyes.

"I don't think so," Sirius says, walking closer to Seb. Taking hurried steps.

"Just stay away from my girlfriend," Seb says. Sirius chuckles.

"I don't think you heard her correctly," he says. He glances over Seb's shoulder. You looked just as Remus tapped Seb's shoulder. Seb turned around, and was immediately met with Remus punching him.

"She's not your girlfriend," he says, looking down at him. He was taller than Seb. You'd never seen Remus look that mad. You were shocked. When did they have time to plan this? Did they plan it? Seb looks back at Remus, glaring back at him. He goes to punch him, but Sirius grabs his arms. Remus barely glances at him again, looking at you.

"Are you alright?" He asks. You were still in shock. You simply nodded. He grabbed your wrist gently, lifting your sleeve to look at your arms. You could see hand shaped bruises forming. His jaw tightened again. James noticed and looked at Seb.

"Well, we already abandoned the 'avoid the face' plan," he says, punching Seb. Sirius lets go of Seb, smirking. Probably thinking it'll be more fun. The boy was a year younger than them after all. A small group had formed at this point.

Sirius kicked Seb's legs from behind him. Remus put a hand on your elbow, going to make you turn away. Then Seb pulls his wand out. You could tell by their expressions they didn't want to pull their wands out. The didn't want to go expelled, after all. Peter goes to grab the boy's wand, and gets throw against the stone wall. Not by strength, by magic. Your eyes widened.

"Seb!" You exclaimed. He turned to you, still glaring. The mauraders that weren't on the floor were fuming at this point. James punched Seb again, and Sirius went for the gut. Remus was holding himself back, and you could see it. It didn't help that he had to physically hold you back from the boys. Finally, Seb blasted James into the crowd. He slid on the floor, landing infront of Lily. She quickly got down to make sure he was okay. Mary and Alice were with Peter. They were both holding their ribs. He sent Sirius by turning quickly, and Marlene ran over to him. Remus had clearly had enough. Finally letting you go. He went to go at the boy, but he pointed his wand. Not at Remus, but at you. The next word from his mouth caused you the worst pain imaginable. And beyond that, too.

"Crucio!" He exclaims. You instantly fell to the floor, crying and screaming. It felt like a thousand years. It was probably only a few seconds, though.

"Expelliarmus!" Remus shouts. But you don't really hear it.

"Stupify!" You hear Lily yell. Again, you couldn't quite hear it. Your breathing was labored and your knees had given out. You were on your back, your legs uncomfortably folded beneath you. You whimpered slightly when the torturing spell stopped. You felt tears leave your cheeks, and pressed your lips together. That definitely wasn't what he did to the boys. Because that wasn't send you flying and curl up that was torture.

You heard footsteps running into the circle, but didn't open your eyes. You heard Dumbledore shout something, but still couldn't focus clearly. Your breathing was still labored. You felt someone lift you up slightly.

You whimpered again, curling in on yourself. You felt someone gingerly move the hair out of your face. "Y/N, c'mon look at me," you hear. Remus. You knew it was Remus. You managed to pry your eyes open slightly. He was holding you like a fragile piece of glass.

You turned your face into his chest, letting your small sob escape you. Not only was the magic still radiating through you, and you had to wait until the waves deminished, but you realized you had dated that boy for almost a year. A boy so willing to hurt your friends. And you.

"It's okay, love, it's okay," Remus says. Your hand found his shirt, gripping onto it. You closed your eyes again, but held your grip to show him you were still there. You heard the voices fading around you though. You were going to pass out.

Y/N's grip started to loosen on Remus's shirt as Mcgonagall told him to get her to the infirmary. He quickly stood up with her in his arms. His friends were getting up now. Still clearly in pain. Lily helped James walk, but they all made their way towards the infirmary.

When he placed you on the bed, he was told to walk away for a minute. But neither he or Lily would do that. So, they waited. When the boys had been checked up on, they sat around the bed too.

Dumbledore came in that night with Mcgonagall. "You all need to get to the dormitory," Mcgonagall says.

"Professor, she's just been cursed," James says. She nods.

"I know. And she needs rest. She's young. The effect will be worsened on her. And that also means, the chances are she'll still be asleep when you come back in the morning." Dumbledore looked at Remus who still gripped Y/N's hand. Looking very unwilling to leave her side.

"The girl should have her friends here when she wakes up," he says. He still made eye contact with Remus. Not even glancing at the others.

"Albus-" Mcgonagall starts.

"I'm quite tired, Minerva. I think I'll go to bed," he says. She glances at the group again then she sighs, following Dumbledore out of the room.

"Minnie's mad," Sirius says. The boys all smile slightly, looking back down at Y/N. They each found their way to one of the beds in the infirmary at some point during the night. But Remus stayed by her side. He layed his head down next to her, on her bed.

At some point in the night, you started shaking. Not from something medical. But the cold. You looked colder than anyone else. Your teeth were chattering in your sleep. And Remus noticed. He woke up, feeling your body shivering. He looked up at you, seeing if you were awake. You looked paler than normal. His eyes widened and he grabbed blankets off other beds, quickly putting them over you. That only seemed to help a little.he looked over at his friends. James had woken up to his frantic movements. He got up, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. He looked at Y/N.

"Give her your jumper or something," he says, gesturing to her. Remus looks down at the jumper he was wearing. James rolls his eyes.

"Come on, Moony. It'll warm her up. She's freezing. If she keeps shivering like that we'll have to get Pomfrey. Besides, we've all seen it before," he says, winking at his friend. Remus glares at James, then sighs, taking off his jumper. He walks over to Y/N, carefully putting her into the jumper. She made a small noise that made him stop for a second, scared he'd either hurt her or wake her up. Or both.

Once she was in it, James and Remus both watched her teeth chattering stop slowly. But she was still shivering.

"Body heat?" James suggests. Remus glares at him. He gestures to Remus and then Y/N. "I didn't mean me, I meant you!" Remus looks down at her. He pressed his lips together for a second before finally peeling the blankets away and climbing into the bed beside her. Y/N instantly turned and curled up into his chest. He looked at her, then over at James who yawns.

"Goodnight, mate," he says, walking back over to the bed between Lily and Sirius. Remus looked back down at her. She was perfect. And he was glad thinking about the crack he heard when he punched Seb.

Both times. He'd punched him after he had disarmed him and right before Lily got her wand out. The second punch was much, much harder.

[prfctethereal]

in my head. | remus lupin

thank u, next x marauders

alexa, play in my head by ariana grande

pairing: remus lupin x reader

summary: you try to tell remus how perfect you think he is, but his insecurities get in the way

word count: 1,819

warnings: mentions of injury

a/n: yuh, in my head is one of my favourites from thank u next and i really love this story ahhh it's so cute okay bye - kennedy

***

Love was a funny thing. When you’re in love with someone, you tend to focus on the good of the person, and completely ignore all of their flaws. Whether you convince yourself that you’re different and you don’t do that, it will be true for everyone. Everything about the person you love is distorted through rose coloured glasses.

I always thought of Remus Lupin as a perfect angel. From the first time our eyes met on the train in first year, I knew I would grow to care for him deeply. Even later on, when we became the closest of friends, as well as with James, Sirius, and Peter, I knew I would care for him forever.

It was me who first noticed something strange with Remus the first year, only raising slight concerns when he would disappear for a few days and come back, cuts on his face and arms littered with bruises. Pointing this out to him only made him shy away, so I took my concerns and thoughts over to the other boys.

Second year was when we finally confronted Remus about what was going on. Ashamed of himself, he explained of his lycanthropy, expecting us to leave him, but of course, we did not. By now, my heart had begun to flutter whenever I caught Remus’ gaze from across the classroom or whenever our hands grazed each other’s when passing books between us. I knew I liked Remus in a different way to the other boys.

We never left Remus’ side when we found out he was a werewolf. He expected us to think of him as a monster, but I only saw another thing to hush about him in private. His bravery, his courage. his persistence. He seemed perfect to me, not bothering to suspect that maybe lycanthropy was a flaw.

Perfection. As we grew older, I only saw Remus as perfect. Perfect cedar hair that swept to the side, fluffing at the top of his head. Warm, inviting eyes that perfectly swirled with wonder and mystery. Scars across his face, seemingly endearing. It came natural to me in third year when I realised that I had a crush on the wolf boy, confusing me as to why I hadn’t realised earlier.

In fourth year, my love for Remus only grew stronger and in fifth year, the other marauders and I made a pact to become animagi to help Remus during his full moons, much to his disputes.

When it was time to show Remus our animagus forms, we ushered him into the Room of Requirement one quiet night, a few days before the full moon. It was a risky idea as Remus often became more and more anxious as the full moon came closer but we thought the revelation would calm him down.

“I don’t understand what we’re doing here.” Remus muttered, playing with the fingers in his hands anxiously. I stood by his side, wrapping my arm around him comfortingly, as Sirius started explaining what was going on.

“I know that you always feel alone and scared during the full moons so we wanted to find a way to help you.” Sirius said, gesturing to the group around us. When Remus looked my way, I gave him a small smile, feeling a blush rise on my cheeks, as Sirius continued. “So, we made it our mission to become animagi.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Remus looked absolutely terrified, getting all flustered as he pulled away from us, backing away against a wall. “That’s dangerous, that’s illegal. I can’t have you guys in trouble because of me.”

“It’s okay Remus.” James said, trying to calm down the anxious werewolf, turning into a majestic stag to show him.

“We’re going to be with you on your full moons and help you.” Peter added, before changing into a small rat, squirming around to Remus’ feet.

“It’s been researched that werewolves won’t try to attack animals as much as people.” Sirius offered, turning himself into a dog, whimpering as he brushed up against the stag next to him.

Remus strolled over to me, concern welling up in his pleading eyes. “Not you too, please don’t say you’re an animagus too.”

Slightly offended, I turned myself into a delicate hummingbird and gently rested on Remus’ shoulder. He looked almost like he was about to cry. In a hushed voice, he whispered so only I could hear: “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Right then, James turned back into his person form and said, “please just let us help you. Let us be there for you, as your friend.”

“Plus,” I mentioned, becoming a person again too, “I’m working towards becoming a healer, so I can help patch you up as well afterwards.” I sent Remus a small smile.

So, it was decided. Each full moon after that, we went with Remus through his transformation, and every full moon, I fell deeper and deeper in love with him.

It was probably all the time we spent together after the full moon, only the two of us left in the shrieking shack, when the rest of the boys went to fetch Madame Pomfrey. The quiet chats we would share for the twenty minutes we had to ourselves, talking about nothing and everything, as the near exhausted Remus laid half awake, muttering a string of thank you’s under his breath.

One particular night, Remus didn't have that bad of a transformation, leaving him less bruised and battered than usual, only a few cuts across his torso and face. Insisting he didn’t need Madame Pomfrey, he trusted me in fixing him up all by myself.

“Thank you.” Remus breathed out after a few minutes of silence since the boys had left. I blushed, nothing unusual, hiding my scarlet didn’t cheeks with a dirty rag I had wiped the dirt off of him with.

“What do I always say, Rem?” I asked, carefully stroking the damp cloth across his chest, cleaning up the dried blood. “You don’t have to thank me for helping you.”

“But I want to.” Remus started, taking my hand in his, raising it up close to his face to gently kiss my knuckles. “You don’t have to be here right now. You shouldn’t have to be here right now. You look too tired to be looking after me all the time. Go to bed.”

“No. I’m here for you, because I love you and you’re my friend.” It just slipped past my lips, those three words. On the outside, it looked like just another thing I said, going back to working at the cuts across his chest. Inside, my heart was working overtime, beating faster than usual. I couldn’t believe I had just said that.

Eyes flickering upwards towards Remus, I took in the fact that he had dozed off, probably not even hearing the confession that had fallen without me trying, and I was okay with that. He looked perfect, quietly sleeping there, eyes shut, so I worked silently, patching up his cuts, placing a single kiss on his hairline as he slept.

***

The next day tradition was always visiting Remus in the hospital wing as Madame Pomfrey always insists he stays there for an extra day. After classes, the rest of the marauders and I piled into the wing to tell Remus about their days.

Today, I stayed quiet, still shocked about what I had confessed the night earlier. As the boys kept Remus occupied, I anxiously waited for when he would eventually ask to talk to me.

As the boys dispersed from the hospital wing, I felt a shaking hand grab mine, pulling me to stay. My heart was thumping out of my chest but I stayed put, sitting on the edge of Remus’ bed, looking into his perfect eyes.

“You’ve been awfully quiet.” Remus muttered, playing with my own fingers mindlessly. “Is something on your mind?”

I needed to tell him. It was the perfect time to tell him about how I felt but I couldn’t find the right words to say. Everything felt like a jumble in my head. Nothing was coming out of my throat and my brain was blank.

“I’ll tell you what,” Remus said, squeezing my hand reassuringly, “once I get out of here, we can go raid the kitchens together, like we used to, you know? And after that, we can go sit by the black lake and read one of your muggle books you always read.”

“You’re perfect, you know that, right?” I whispered under my breath, getting a soft chuckle out of Remus.

“I’m far from perfect, sweetheart.”

But I didn’t believe him. He always proved himself wrong in different aspects. Holding up to his promises, he came with me to the kitchens, telling the elves to fetch an abundance of chocolate, a love we shared between us.

Walking down to the black lake together, it was solemn but peaceful. Sounds of animals chirping and leaves rustling filled the air, a light breeze brushing past us as we walked down the path. Once we got to our favourite spot, we sat down, with Remus pulling out an old copy of Alice in Wonderland to read.

As he read aloud, I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying. All I knew was that it was finally time to tell him how I felt about him. It was time to tell him that I was in love with him.

“I need to tell you something.” I abruptly said, interrupting Remus’ reading of the book. He looked up at me, humming, egging me to go on.

“You’re perfect.” I reinstated, much like I said before in the hospital wing, but instead of getting a glimpse of laughter like before, I was met by Remus’ confused eyes.

“Remus,” I sucked in a breath of air, “I’m in love with you.”

Silence. A pause. At that moment, I knew I had blown it. He stared at me, not saying a word, until he murdered something, so quietly I almost didn’t hear.

“No, here’s the thing: you’re in love with a person you’ve created in your head, that you are trying to, but cannot fix. The only thing you can fix is yourself.”

My heart stopped.

“You don’t want to love me, [Y/N], I’m a monster.”

Acting on instinct, I cupped his cheek with my hand, placing a soft kiss on his temple, that was immediately washed away by a tear that had rolled down my own cheek.

“You’re not a monster.” My voice was shaky. “And I do love you. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

And he held me closer, placing a kiss on my lips. Out of shock, I didn’t know what to do, but then, I kissed back, pulling my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. When we pulled away, I stared into his perfect eyes.

Perfect.

“I love you too, [Y/N].

[fruitcoops]

Wisdom With Age

Follow-up to Leo getting his wisdom teeth out: it’s Loops’ turn! Hope you enjoy :) Coops credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for dental work, wisdom teeth removal, anesthesia, and surgery (mentioned)

Sirius carefully, but firmly, set his hand on Remus’ knee to stop it from bouncing. “Sorry,” Remus muttered, then immediately began worrying at the hem of his old t-shirt.

“Okay,” Sirius said under his breath, turning in his seat and taking both of Remus’ hands in his own. “Sweetheart, look at me.”

“I don’t like this,” Remus muttered as his eyes flickered up to Sirius’ face. “Honey, I really don’t like this.”

“I know, but you have to do it.”

“Why? They’re my teeth, it’s my mouth, and is it such a bad thing if I don’t want people poking around in it?” The leg started bouncing again. “I mean, humans survived for thousands of years with their wisdom teeth, and—and teeth serve a lot of very important purposes besides chewing. This could fuck up my ears, and my hearing—”

“Remus.”

He swallowed hard and clenched his jaw.

Sirius began tracing slow circles over his knuckles. “You know better than anyone why this is important, and it’s dangerous to keep them in any longer than you already have. I totally respect that you’re freaked out right now, but you’ve got to calm down. These guys do this all the time.”

“There are always exceptions.”

Yes, I know, I’ve been thinking about all those scenarios for the past two weeks. “And you won’t be one of them. How long did you spend finding this place, again?” There was a beat of silence. “Re.”

“Four hours,” he muttered.

“Exactly. You did your research.” Remus’ eyes wandered up to the clock and his grip tightened when he saw how little time was left until their appointment. Distraction, distraction—“Tell me why you chose this place.”

That got his attention. “What?”

“You spent four hours sifting through dentists’ offices online, right? Tell me why this one stood out to you.”

“Um. Well, I guess it was just a combination of things. They have really good ratings and this is where Leo got his out, which went well. He was on his feet within a week, which was impressive. The equipment is good quality and—”

“Remus Lupin?”

“Oh, fuck me.” The nurse raised her eyebrows at him, and he flushed deep red as Sirius hid a smile in his shoulder. “Sorry, sorry. Hi, that’s me. Remus Lupin. I’m…a little nervous.”

Her face softened as she walked over. “That’s perfectly normal. We have a little bit of paperwork for you to look over and then we’ll get started. Is this the person who will be driving you home?”

“That’s me. How long will it take?”

“Oh, an hour or so. Not long.” She handed Remus a pen before turning back to Sirius. “We do these procedures all the time, so there’s nothing to worry about. The surgery is quick and easy.”

Remus’ hand skidded across the page on the word ‘surgery’ and Sirius squeezed his thigh gently as he took a trembling breath. “Thank you for doing this on such short notice,” Sirius said with a smile while Remus read. “We really appreciate it.”

“Why does this have to be so important?” Remus mumbled as he signed the last page.

The nurse shrugged. “Human bodies are funny things.”

He snorted. “Tell me about it.”

“Are you a doctor?”

“I was a physical therapist for six years,” he said, handing the clipboard back to her. “Unfortunately, that means I know exactly why putting this off for so long was a bad idea.”

“I don’t know about a bad idea.” The nurse tilted her head to the side. “You still came in to do it before there were any problems, right? That seems pretty smart to me, and very brave.”

“She’s right,” Sirius said quietly, knocking their shoulders together. “You’ve got this, mon loup.”

The nurse waited patiently while he took a few deep breaths before standing up and hugging Sirius tight around the chest. “You’ll be here, right?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He gave him a gentle kiss on the lips and the inside of his wrist. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

The tension returned to Remus’ shoulders as he followed the nurse out of the lobby; Sirius sat down and grabbed a magazine to distract himself for the next hour.

------------------------------

Twenty minutes later, the nurse came back out. Sirius stood up immediately as fear bolted through his chest. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” she soothed, taking the seat next to his with a sigh. “There was a bit of trouble getting him to fall asleep, though.”

“Oh?” Sirius tried to keep his voice neutral as he sat down, but even he could tell it didn’t work that well.

She gave him an amused look. “Your boy is stubborn. We get nervous people all the time, but he seemed to have a personal vendetta against our anesthesiologist. The countdown usually lasts three seconds, maximum, but I made it all the way down to five before he was out.”

“But he’s okay?”

“He’s just fine.” She patted his hand.

“He’s been avoiding this for about four years now.”

“Really?”

“Yep. Hates hospitals and dentists, but still got a medical degree.” Sirius huffed. “His mom threatened to drive here from Wisconsin and drag him in by the ear if he didn’t schedule it soon.”

The nurse smiled. “You’d be surprised by how many young folks we get in here shaking in their boots. It’s really not that bad of a procedure, but all you hear about are the times it went wrong.”

Sirius hummed in agreement. “Is it normal to be nervous for him?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good.”

“Lots of people cry while they’re waiting, though I haven’t quite figured out why. Feel free to do some wailing if you think it’ll help.”

“I’ll pass, but thank you for the offer,” Sirius laughed. There were a few heartbeats of comfortable silence before he spoke again. “I don’t like the idea of him being in there all alone.”

“Oh, honey, nobody does.” She gave his hand a quick squeeze. “We always want to be there for the ones we love. Boyfriend?”

“Fiancé.”

“When’s the wedding?”

“This summer.” He smiled to himself. “I’m really excited.”

“How long have you been together?”

“We’ve known each other for six years or so, but we’ve only been dating for one.”

They chatted back and forth, and Sirius felt his nerves melt away as the conversation turned to Harry, then Regulus and Jules, until a tall man in a white coat poked his head into the lobby. “Do we have a companion for Remus Lupin in here?”

Sirius raised his hand. “That’s me.”

“Come on back, he just woke up.”

The dentist’s office smelled different than a hospital, which Sirius was grateful for. Remus wouldn’t like waking up with the scent of rubbing alcohol all around him. The walls were painted a cheerful yellow with various murals for the younger patients—each room had its own name tag with stickers.

“Remus?” The doctor knocked on the door as he opened it. “We’ve got someone here for you.”

“Hmm?” Remus blinked sleepily at them from the table; his face was puffy from anesthesia and gauze.

“Hey, Re,” Sirius said, taking his hand and rubbing it between his own. “Are you ready to go home?”

Remus squinted at him for a long moment. “Did it hurt?” he asked.

“Did what hurt?”

A smile twitched at the edges of his mouth. “When you fell from heaven. Hiya, handsome, I’m Remus.”

“Oh my fucking god.” Sirius looked back at the doctor, who was hiding his laughter in his hand.

“Here’s your aftercare sheet,” he said, pushing the wheelchair a little closer and handing Sirius a piece of paper. “Can you get him outside by yourself?”

Sirius nodded. “It might take some manhandling, but I’ll be fine.”

“Damn right, you’re fine,” Remus snorted.

“Merde,” Sirius muttered. “Alright, you shameless flirt, can you sit up by yourself?”

Remus winked at him, though it was more like a slow blink. “Might take some manhandling. What’s your name, angel?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

He shrugged as Sirius helped him clamber into the wheelchair. “I need something to yell.”

“Holy shit, Re!” Sirius spluttered, nearly steering him straight into the cupboards in surprise. “You can’t just say that in the middle of a dentist’s office!”

Remus frowned and glanced around the room. “Is that where I am?”

“Yes!”

“I don’t like dentists. Or hospitals. Super fuckin’ creepy.”

“Yes, I know.” The hall was mostly empty, thank god. “You’ve told me.”

“Have we met before?” Remus stared up at him and nearly went crosseyed. “You’re being so nice to me.”

“We’ve known each other for six years.”

“Huh. I really hope we’re dating, because there’s no way I’m passing up a chance to tap that.”

“You know, Leo was incredibly sweet when his wisdom teeth got taken out,” Sirius sighed as they went down the next corridor. “He called Finn ‘pretty’ and then only wanted cuddles for a few days. You, on the other hand, were apparently so stubborn that they had to spend twenty minutes putting you to sleep, and now you’re hitting on me like a drunk frat boy.”

“I can call you pretty if you want.” Sirius stopped walking as Remus reached up to trail a surprisingly steady hand down his cheek; some of the flirty mischief was replaced by awe. “You really are beautiful. What’s your name? For real this time, I want to know.”

“Sirius.”

“Like the star.” The corners of Remus’ eyes crinkled. “Brightest one in the sky. It fits.”

“Just for that, I’m going to let you in on a secret,” Sirius said as they neared the exit.

“Oh?”

“We’re engaged.”

“What?”

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

Fifteen people who found out about James, Sirius, and Remus and the one person who never did

To clarify: James, Sirius, and Remus are queerplatonic partners in this case, or QPP's. This means that they're essentially special friends, ones who indulge in physical and emotional connections that are typically thought of as beyond platonic.

ONE: Peter Pettigrew

By fourth year the Marauders are legends. Everyone knows them as the fun-loving band of brothers without any cares in the world. Only the four of them know the true nature of the Marauders - bloody, battered, and bruised.

One day Sirius and James are fighting, an explosive sort of argument where Peter hides behind his curtains while peeking out through a crack in them and Remus reads calmly on his bed. Then suddenly the shouting stops, and Peter’s jaw drops open while Remus looks up from his book.

There, in the middle of the room, are Sirius and James, Sirius’ hands on James’ face and his mouth on his lips. Sirius pulls away before James can respond, covering his mouth with his hands and tearing up while James blinks in shock and Peter stares.

Then, Remus starts laughing, and James drags Sirius into a crushing hug, pressing kisses all over his face before finally pecking him on the mouth and then letting go. Peter squeaks out a garbled question when Remus rolls his eyes and says, “What, no love for me?”

Immediately, Sirius and James tackle him onto the bed, the three of them collapsing into a mess of laughter and kisses while Peter stares and stares and stares.

TWO: Marlene McKinnon

In an act of drunken desperation to forget her own confusing sexuality (girls are super hot but the idea of being in love makes me wanna throw up, for reference), Marlene flirts with Sirius at a party. His eyes are dark and alluring and he’s addicted to dancing, so it’s not exactly difficult. But just as her hand snakes up his arm, Remus appears, wrapping himself around Sirius and kissing him happily, Sirius melting against him.

Marlene steps back in her shock, creating just enough room for James to stumble over tipsily and start making fun of Sirius’ ears; that is until Sirius leans down and kisses him too just to shut him up, pulling back with a laugh so loud it rings in Marlene’s ears as she runs for the comfort of Dorcas, who simply smiles and slips her hand through Marlene’s blonde curls and kisses her until she can’t feel anything anymore.

THREE: Minvera Mcgonogall

In fifth year, Mcgonogall is awoken by a bawling James Potter at her door, sobbing uncontrollably and blubbering about something she can’t really understand. Eventually he calms down enough that she manages to get that he’s upset because he just found out that Sirius and Remus are dating.

Mcgonogall is terribly confused - haven’t the three of them been dating for years?

“No,” James says. “We’re just friends. Friends who kiss and love each other more than anything but aren’t in love with each other. I know… I know that doesn’t really make sense. I’m just… I’m just scared that since they’re boyfriends, or whatever, they won’t… they won’t…”

Mcgonogall opens her mouth to respond when Sirius’ voice cuts through the chaos -

“Won’t what? Love you? Because if you think that my being in love with Moony means I’m going to stop snogging you at every available opportunity then you’re an even bigger idiot than I thought, Jamie.”

James looks up with a grin even as the tears still stream down his face, taking in the sight of a grinning Sirius and Remus, whose hands are tightly clasped between them. Mcgonogall watches, blinking in shock, as James bounds over to them and laughs as Sirius dips him in a kiss and Remus rolls his eyes.

“Come on, you morons,” he says, dragging them away as Sirius tries and fails to kiss him silly, laughing.

FOUR: Severus Snape

Sixth year is when shit first hits the fan. The Prank is a tear in their carefully cultivated tapestry, one that sends all three of them exploding in different directions. Severus is on his way to the infirmary for some more dreamless potion from Madam Pomfrey (and to check on Remus after the traumatic mindfuck that was last night’s full moon) when he sees the shitshow begin.

Remus is lying in a hospital bed, confined by bandages and fatigue but looking no less terrifying as he bites insult after insult towards Sirius. (The only one of these Severus remembers is “I thought you loved me, asshole!”, and only because Sirius had fled the room in tears after it was spoken.) James tries to sit down at Remus’ bedside, but before he can Remus breaks down in tears.

James reaches out to hold him, but Remus shoves him away, screaming until James leaves, his head hanging low in defeat. Severus approaches carefully, holding out one of his bottles of dreamless sleep.

“Here,” he says softly. “So you can forget, for a little while.”

Remus looks up at him and smiles weakly.

“Thanks,” he rasps, and Severus leaves with a nod, deciding it’s better to quit while he’s ahead.

FIVE: Lily Evans

Despite all of the horror of the Prank, it is less disastrous than one might think. There is a war coming; Severus has sworn to Remus himself that he will never tell and has also started searching for the cure for lycanthropy while he’s at it (not that he’s found it; he never will); and Sirius Black and Remus Lupin love each other more than words can say and will no matter the consequences, everybody knows that.

And Lily, she misses Severus - no one else understands that, but she does. She loves him.

She’s studying with Remus one day, their backs against the wall and knees to their chests, and ends up asking him how Severus is doing, eventually winding them down a conversational path about lost love and finding hope anyway. Remus, however, collapses into tears talking about Sirius and how much he misses him and loves him, still.

Lily doesn’t know what to do; Remus Lupin does not cry, at least not in front of anyone. Before she can panic too badly about it though, James is there, on his knees in front of Remus and whispering quietly to him, taking his hands and kissing his knuckles in between murmurs of affection. Sirius stands behind him, hands clenching in and out of fists as he tries desperately not to touch, but that only lasts a few moments before Remus is laughing through his tears, making grabby hands for Sirius.

Sirius squats down hesitantly, gently wrapping his arms around Remus, who pulls him down by the neck and jaw and kisses him and kisses him and kisses him as James smiles tiredly, passerbys whoop and stare, and Lily looks at James and feels her heart flutter in her chest. He smiles at her, and she flushes, then stands and heads for the opposite corner, where Severus is leaning against the wall, his nose in a book.

No words are needed between them. She pulls him in by the tie, and there’s a single feeble whoop for them, too - Lily smiles at the sound of James’ voice, hope sparking in her chest as her eyelids flutter closed.

SIX: Regulus Black

Regulus, struggling under his parents’ stifling regime alone since Sirius left, can’t say he’s not shocked when Sirius drags him up to a Marauders sleepover in the Gryffindor dorms one night. Peter isn’t there - Remus says he’s staying with a Hufflepuff named Max he’s into - but Remus, Sirius, and James all gravitate towards one bed, Remus lying on his back with James’ head on his stomach, running his fingers lazily through James’ curls.

Sirius beams at the sight of them and jumps in beside them, and James leans up and pecks Sirius on the mouth, who smiles. Regulus’ heart twinges at the sight - his brother has so much more love than he does, and Regulus won’t deny that he’s always been just a little bit in love with James Potter - but then James smiles at him with those twinkling eyes and Regulus’ heart calms.

Sirius draws him close by the hand, pulling him into his side and kissing the top of his head. They laugh and wrestle and joke around until eventually Remus falls asleep in James’ arms, and James is not long to follow. Regulus lies awake long after, nestled into Sirius’ side, the silence comforting like a warm blanket. Until Sirius murmurs, “I love you, Reggie,” and drifts off, and Regulus is left staring at the ceiling, alone.

He knows, Sirius’ hand over his heart, that this is his brother’s way of saying goodbye.

SEVEN: Hope & Lyall Lupin

“Criminals” is not a word Lyall Lupin would use to describe Sirius Black and James Potter, but maybe it should be. Because they break into his house on Christmas Eve the boys’ seventh year, the moon already rising in the sky. Lyall tries to stop them, but Sirius Stupefies him with cold eyes and transforms into a hulking dog right then and there, trotting down the basement stairs as James follows, breaking Remus’ chains with his human hands and ushering him out the door before taking his stag form.

Lyall and Hope watch in shock from the kitchen as Remus turns and Sirius and James tame him easily, the wolf nuzzling them like old friends. By morning, they are still out in the yard, the sun rising, now fully human. At first Lyall worries for his son’s modesty, but Sirius has already wrapped his shirt around Remus’ waist, and Remus, barechested in the sun, is holding James’ head to his, muttering in Welsh as James tries desperately to breathe, apologizing over and over for a gash on Remus’ chest put there by his antlers. Remus smiles, and Sirius hums a Queen song under his breath, and Lyall can’t hear everything his son is saying but he catches just enough -

“Mae'n iawn, fy nghariad. Shhh, annwyl.” (It's alright, my love. Shhh, dearheart.)

EIGHT: Albus Dumbledore

The news that Regulus has died comes on a Wednesday. Dumbledore is the one to deliver it, with a heavy heart and a heavier theory in his head. He notices that James is there, in Sirius and Remus’ home, but does not question it, only offering the story of the Horcruxes to Sirius, who sits on the couch. As the words pour out, dry and frail, Sirius’ face pales to ghostly white. Remus emerges from the kitchen with tea just as the final phrase leaves Dumbledore’s lips -

“Your brother died a hero.”

The tea clatters to the floor as Sirius reaches for his wand on the table, pointing it towards his head and getting out “Avada -” before James and Remus are on him, James wrenching his wand away while Remus locks Sirius in his arms, gently coaxing him down onto the floor and rocking him back and forth as he breaks down. James returns from hiding the wand and wraps himself around the both of them, breaking down with Sirius and pressing tearful kisses to every inch of skin he can find. Remus looks up at Dumbledore with glassy eyes and says -

“Please take your leave, Professor.”

Dumbfounded, Dumbledore does.

NINE: Dorcas Meadowes

Dorcas has lived with Marlene since school - Dorcas was in love with her, and Marlene liked sex and liked Dorcas in a “we can be best-friend-partner-lovers forever, mkay?” way. But no one else can understand that - the fact that they’re physically intimate but not a couple, that they’re married by law and spirit but not in love, that’s not something anybody gets. So when Marlene dies, Dorcas locks herself in their home, for grief and madness alike.

One day, Sirius comes to visit her. She doesn’t know why - Lily is about to have a baby, Voldemort is specifically targeting the Potters, their husband Snape is a fucking spy, and Remus is undercover amongst the wolves. All this and there’s a traitor in their midst - Sirius has no business visiting a grieving woman when there’s a war on.

But war there is, and visit he does.

Dorcas makes him tea, and they converse quietly about Marlene for a time. It’s when Sirius’ apology comes that she snaps -

“You can’t possibly understand what it’s like to lose her. She’s - she was my everything. My other half, a part of me, my - my wife. Not just a friend but not a lover… well, not in anything but the physical sense anyway, but - she was my life.”

Sirius stands, throwing his hands out to the side.

“You think I don’t understand?” He says, laughing and running a hand through his hair. He blinks back tears, then thrusts his left hand her way. “I know exactly what you’re feeling. That grief, that fear, I - I feel that every day.”

Dorcas shakes her head, batting his hand away.

“Remus is the love of your life, not your - your, I don’t know, partner? You can’t -”

“James,” Sirius interrupts, desperately, and Dorcas shuts up. “Jamie. My Jamie. Well - Remus and I’s Jamie, really.”

He smiles - a broken, broken thing.

“I understand, see?” He says, twisting his wedding ring around so instead of a moon it shows a black set of antlers. “See? I know. I understand. I do.”

Dorcas stares, quietly, and then starts laughing. It’s a foreign, unwelcome sound, and Sirius reels back in shock. They stand there, opposing each other, until suddenly the laughs ebb out into sobs, and Sirius pulls her to his front and doesn’t let go.

TEN: Mary MacDonald

The day Harry is born, Severus isn’t even there. He’s deep into Voldemort’s forces by now, only holding contact with Dumbledore out of necessity, and James and Lily are both exhausted, missing their husband with a newfound intensity and knowing Voldemort wants to kill their newborn son. Sirius and Remus are there, Mary too, and as Lily sleeps with Harry on her chest and Mary holds her hand, Sirius and James fight.

Loudly.

(In the hallway, of course, but still.)

Remus is helpless in between them - Mary hears very little of what is actually said. Bits and pieces here and there -

“You can’t protect him by -”

And “We need you, dipshit!”

And “I swear to fucking Merlin, Jamie -”

But nothing really solid. She watches through the window as they scream, until suddenly Remus reaches out and pulls James into a kiss. Mary drops Lily’s hand in shock, and watches with a gaping mouth as Remus lets go of James to pull Sirius into him, kissing him passionately and without reserve. Finally, when he pulls away, he glares at the two men and seethes something just loud enough for her to hear -

“Listen up, you idiots. That child needs our protection. That means hiding. We know fuck all about the future but this is war. Our baby is not gonna die because the people who love him can’t let him go.”

Sirius and James both nod sagely, James leaning in to peck Remus on the mouth - “Sorry, Remy.” - before he wanders back inside the hospital room. Outside, Remus collapses into Sirius’ arms, the two of them holding each other and rocking back and forth. James looks up at Mary from the other side of Lily’s bed and smiles wryly.

“Shit, huh?” He mutters, and Mary, speechless, nods.

ELEVEN: Fleamont & Euphemia Potter

Fleamont and Euphemia Potter go into hiding when James and Lily do, knowing they could be tortured for their whereabouts despite not knowing them. Remus comes bursting through their fireplace on Halloween, covered in cuts and bruises and coughing with baby Harry cradled against his chest. Through hacking breaths and with glassy eyes, he tells them their son is dead with his wife and Sirius has been arrested for their murder, along with Peter’s and some Muggles’. He kisses their foreheads and tells them to take care of themselves, leaving with the last words he ever says to them -

“I loved your son. So did Sirius. We - I will do everything I can to protect Harry. I promise.”

He disappears through the fireplace before they can respond, leaving them to grieve.

TWELVE: Walburga & Orion Black

After leaving Harry with Dumbledore, who assures him the child will be given to the custody of his living father as soon as he’s emerged from his undercover work (a lie, Remus later learns), Remus makes his way to Regulus’ grave. There’s no body there, of course, but Remus never got to say goodbye to the boy he considered something of a son, and he figures now, when he’s lost everything, is as good a time as any.

It turns out he’s not alone - Walburga and Orion Black, not yet locked up in Azkaban for their crimes, are there already, and spit in his face for daring to grieve their son when he’s a werewolf who supposedly turned their other one queer and heady. Remus stares them down, and in a calm voice with his hands in his pockets tells them -

“I loved Regulus like a brother. As for Sirius… well, he married two blokes. Oh -” He smirks. “And he was damn good in bed, too.”

Walburga lets out a shrill scream, turning her wand on Remus, and he holds his head high as he disarms both her and her husband and promptly kills the two people who made his husband’s life a living hell for sixteen years. As he stands there, staring at their still-warm bodies and always-cold eyes, he can feel no remorse - only a deep ache, loss and regret plaguing him with age long before his time.

THIRTEEN: Molly & Arthur Weasley

Twelve years pass without so much as a breath from Sirius or Remus. James is six feet under and Harry is thirteen, and after the havoc that occurs at Hogwarts his third year, they settle at Grimmauld Place, together. Molly and Arthur are tasked with bringing them essentials and information, and take notice of the fact that the two rarely leave each other’s sides. They’re wearing their wedding bands, which Molly does not fail to notice are marked with antlers as well as moons and pawprints, and Remus has another ring around a chain on his neck with only a pawprint and a moon. They look tired and worn out, Sirius more than Remus, and one day Molly pulls him aside to ask him privately if they’re doing alright.

Remus gives her a wry smile, his eyes twinkling just the slightest bit as he answers, “Yes. Of course.” Molly asks him again, saying she’s worried, and Remus shrugs, looking through doorways to Sirius, at the table with Arthur.

“I’ve had twelve years to grieve. Getting Sirius - getting my husband back was the greatest happiness I could ever ask for. But Sirius, he… he was never allowed to truly mourn. He’s still…”

He gets this distant look in his eyes and startles when Molly touches his arm, offering a small smile.

“I’ve had time to grieve our partner, is all I’m saying,” he murmurs. “Sirius needs time before he can even begin to forgive himself for what happened to James.”

Molly keeps her shock inward, squeezing Remus’ arm once before ushering her husband out the door. Watching from outside as Grimmauld Place folds back into itself, she thinks she sees two silhouettes in the window, melting into one.

FOURTEEN: Nymphadora Tonks

Nymphadora Tonks falls in love with Remus Lupin almost the moment she meets him. He’s handsome, he’s funny, he’s kind and smart and brave - what else could you want? And she thinks he likes her too - even if her cousin is desperately in love with him, which she would have to be blind not to see. But she knows this the way she knows the rhythm of her heartbeat in her chest - Remus Lupin was born to be hers.

So imagine her surprise when his response to her confession is to shake his head and laugh.

“I’m a married man, Dora,” he drawls, standing and flashing his ring towards her around a glass of whiskey. “I thought you knew that. I am sorry to say I cannot return your feelings… beyond my marriage, age, and lycanthropy, you must have noticed that women are not… my area.”

Tonks flushes red, jerking back in shock. So her cousin…

“Is it Sirius?” She blurts, and Remus turns towards her again, his eyes twinkling. He nods.

“Yes,” he answers. “Though, I had a second husband… long ago, and a partner more than anything…”

With a distant look in his eyes, he leaves her heartbroken at the dining room table, but not before she sees him slip into a waiting Sirius’ arms, holding him close to his chest as they dance, their eyes closed and two rings bearing antlers hanging between them.

FIFTEEN: Hermione Granger

She starts to wonder, right around the beginning of her fifth year, why Harry seems to have no interest in hanging out with anyone besides her and Ron. Now, she and Ron, they’re in love with each other; Hermione’s neither daft nor blind. But Harry’s in love with them both too, she realizes, and his closest relationships outside of that are past platonic but far from romantic: she can’t call what he has with Luna or Draco “normal”. The summer before her sixth year, she travels to Grimmauld Place, needing some time alone to think before the war envelopes them all. But she finds, when she arrives, that she’s not alone - there, at the dining room table, is Remus, holding a glass of whiskey and wearing three identical rings on a chain around his neck.

“Professor Lupin?” She asks, and Remus smiles wryly. “What’re you doing here?”

Remus sighs, leaving his glass on the table as he stands and grabs his coat.

“Just a bit of reminiscing, my dear,” he says. “No matter. Off we go now, this place belongs to Harry and we have no right to…”

He trails off, his eyes glistening, and Hermione watches his Adam’s apple bob and averts her eyes to the rings, each holding a different two of three symbols: a pawprint, a moon, and a pair of antlers. One of them is the one Sirius used to wear around, always a little loose on his finger from all that malnourishment… Remus must have just grasped it before he fell through the Veil. At the thought, her breath catches in her throat.

“Sirius was your…” She says, and stops when Remus flinches. He gives her a kind smile and nods.

“Yes,” he says. “And James as well, though that was different. More of a… friend, partner - soulmate? -” Hermione coughs. “- than a lover. But, yes. Not that it matters now.”

Hermione’s heart stops in her chest.

“Of course it matters,” she fires back. “You loved him. You loved him, and he’s dead.”

Remus looks down at her, his smile gone, and shrugs.

“All things end, Hermione,” he murmurs. “Especially good things.”

He opens the door and has one foot outside when he turns back to her and says, “Miss Granger?” She looks up at him from her hands, shaking and devoid of rings, and nods.

“Yes?”

Remus smiles, his eyes sad.

“Tell your Harry we love him. All seven of the Marauders, even if some of us never really got to meet him. And tell him… tell him that even if he didn’t die for him or raise him, his father loves him.”

Hermione’s brow furrows, but she nods.

“Of course,” she promises, though she has no idea who the other three Marauders are and could not even begin to guess what Remus means by his comment on Harry’s father. “I will.”

Remus smiles one last time, tips his invisible hat to her, and disappears out the front door and into the night.

ONE: Harry Potter

Remus marries Tonks, but doesn’t love her. Teddy is an accident, and only his in name. Remus will only ever have one son, and his name is Harry Potter.

In the Battle of Hogwarts, Remus Lupin dies with three rings around his neck and a secret in his chest. He does not tell Harry. He doesn’t want to burden him.

Their love, along with them, is dead and gone anyway. But when he sees Sirius and James in the white light, for the split second between life and death -

He wonders.