#and i chose both my name and my gender so of course that probably influences this thinking

[wickwrites]

Wonder Egg Priority Episode 4: Boys’ and Girls’ Suicides Do Mean Different Things (But Not in the Way the Mannequins Want You to Think!)

So, let’s talk about this for a second. After I got over my initial knee-jerk reaction, I realized I wasn’t sure how to make sense of exactly what the mannequins were arguing for here. So let me rephrase their statements to make the argumentative structure more explicit: Because men are goal-oriented and women are not, because women are emotion-oriented and men are not, and because women are impulsive and easily influenced by others’ voices and men are not, boys’ and girls’ suicides mean different things – girls are more easily “tempted” by death, and therefore, more likely to require saving when they inevitably regret their suicide. While Wonder Egg Priority, so far, seems to agree with the vague version of the mannequins’ conclusion, namely that boys’ and girl’s suicides mean different things, it refutes the gender-essentialist logic through which that conclusion was derived.

The mannequins choose a decidedly gender essentialist approach in explaining the difference between girls’ and boy’s suicides; they argue that the suicides are different because of some immutable characteristic of their mental hard wiring (in this case, impulsivity, emotionality, and influenceability). Obviously, this is a load of bull, and Wonder Egg Priority knows it. The mannequins are not exactly characters we’re supposed to trust, seeing that they’re running a business that is literally based on letting these kids put themselves in mortal danger. As faceless adult men, they parrot and possibly represent the systems that force these girls to continue to be subjected to physical and emotional trauma (it’s probably more complicated than this, but four episodes in, it’s hard to say more). So, we’re probably supposed to take what they say with great skepticism. Also, the director, Shin Wakabayashi, has recently said that in response to these lines, Neiru was originally going to object, “When it comes to their brains, boys and girls are also the same,” (which unfortunately is not exactly true and is somewhat of an oversimplification, but the sentiment is there). While that line ultimately did not make it in, Neiru does reply with a confused and somewhat indignant, “What?!”, a reaction that gets the message across.  Neiru is not a fan of gender essentialism, and as a (more) sympathetic character, we’re supposed to agree with her.

That is, the differences between boys and girls is not something inherent to their biology or character, but something constructed by culture and experience. This rejection of gender-essentialism is apparent in Wonder Egg Priority’s narrative, which takes a more sociocultural perspective on the difference between boys’ and girls’ suicides. It says, well of course boys’ and and girl’s suicides don’t mean the same thing, that’s the whole reason why we’re delving into the experiences specific to being a girl (cis or trans) or AFAB in this world – to show you how girls’ suicides are influenced by systems of oppression perpetuated by those in power (ie. the adult, in this specific anime).

And all the suicides we’ve seen up until now tie into that somehow. For instance, Koito is bullied by her female classmates who think that Sawaki is giving her special treatment. This is a narrative that comes up over and over again, in real life as well: that if a young girl is being given attention from an older man, then it’s her fault – that she must want it, or at least enjoy it somehow, and that it signifies a virtue (eg. maturity or beauty) on her part. And if Koito is actually being given such treatment by Sawaki, an adult man in a position of power over her, that is incredibly predatory. 

And we all know that child sexual abuse is something that overwhelmingly affects girls, with one out of nine experiencing it before the age of 18, as opposed to one out of 53 boys (Finkelhor et al., 2014). Regardless of whether Sawaki was actually abusing Koito or if the students only thought that he was, Koito’s trauma is ultimately the result of this romanticized “love between a young girl and adult man, but not because the man is predatory, but because the girl has some enviable virtue that makes her desirable” narrative. Similarly, in episode 2, Minami’s suicide is driven by ideas related to discipline and body image in sports, which while not necessarily specific to female and AFAB athletes, is framed in an AFAB-specific way. For instance, take the pressure on Minami to “maintain her figure”. Certainly, male athletes also face a similar pressure, but we know that AFAB and (cis and trans) female bodies are subject to closer scrutiny and criticism. We know that young girls are more likely to suffer from eating disorders. And Wonder Egg Priority situates Minami’s experience as decidedly “about” AFAB experience when her coach accuses her change of figure due to her period as a character failing on her part.

 Likewise, episode 3 delves into suicides related to “stan” culture, this fervent dedication to celebrities that is overwhelmingly associated to teenage girls. And Miwa’s story, in episode 4, explicitly shows how society responds to sexual assault. When Miwa does have the courage to speak up about her assault, she’s instantly reprimanded by basically everyone around her. Her father is fired because her abuser was an executive of his company. Her mother asks her why she couldn’t just bear with it, telling her that her abuser chose her because she was cute, as if that’s supposed to make her feel better about it. Wonder Egg Priority shows that this sort of abuse is a systemic problem, a set of rules and norms deeply engrained in a society and upheld by all adults, regardless of gender, social status, or closeness (to the victim). Wonder Egg Priority says that, yes, girls’ and boys’ suicides have different meanings, but it’s not due to some inherent difference between the two, but the hostile environment in which these girls grow up. Girls are not more easily “tempted” by death, they just have more societal bullshit to deal with.

But Wonder Egg Priority goes further than just showcasing how girls’ (and AFAB) experiences are shaped by sociocultural factors. The story also disproves the supposedly dichotomous characteristics that the mannequins use to differentiate girls and boys (i.e. influenceability/independence, impulsivity/deliberation, emotion-orientation/goal-orientation). If the mannequins are indeed correct, and that girls are just influenceable, impulsive, and emotional, you’d expect the girls in the story to be to be like such too. Except, they aren’t. Rather, they’re a mix of both/all characteristics. This show says that, certainly, girls can be suggestible, but they’re also capable of thinking for themselves. For instance, when Momoe asserts her own identity as a girl at the end of episode four, she rejects the words of those around her who insisted that she isn’t a girl. If she were as suggestible as the mannequins believe her to be, that would never have happened – she would have just continued believing that she wasn’t girl “enough”. But, she doesn’t because she is equally capable of making her own judgements. Likewise, Wonder Egg Priority shows that girls can be impulsive, but they can also be deliberate and pre-mediating. When Miwa tricks her Wonder Killer into groping her to create an opening for Momoe to defeat it, she’s not doing it out of impulse – it’s a pre-mediated and deliberate choice unto a goal. And Wonder Egg Priority continues, girls can be equally emotion oriented and goal oriented. Sure, the main girls are fighting because they have the goal of bringing their loved ones back to life, but those goals are motivated by a large range of emotions, from guilt to anger, grief, compassion, and love. 

Being emotion-driven doesn’t mean you’re not goal-driven, and vice versa. In fact, in this case, being emotional drives these girls toward their goals. In other words, none of these traits that the mannequins listed are either “girl traits” or “boy traits”. Being one does not mean you can’t be the other, even if they seem dichotomous at first. Wonder Egg Priority’s diverse cast of multi-dimensional female characters allows it to undermine the mannequins’ conceptualization of gendered roles, refuting the idea that these (or any) character traits should be consider gendered at all.

As an underdeveloped side thought, I think Wonder Egg Priority’s blurring of gendered roles is also well-reflected in its style. There’s been a lot of talk about whether Wonder Egg Priority constitutes a magical girl series, and I think that’s an interesting question deserving of its own essay. Certainly, it does follow the basic formula of the magical girl story: a teenage heroine ensemble wielding magical weapons saves the day. But it also throws out a lot of the conventions you’d expect of a magical girl story – both aesthetically and narratively. Aesthetically, it’s probably missing the component that most would consider the thing that makes an anime a magical girl anime: the full body transformation sequence, complete with the sparkles and the costume and all that. Narratively, the girls are also not really magical girl protagonist material – they’ve got a fair share of flaws, have done some pretty awful things (looking at Kawai in particular; I still love you though), and aren’t exactly the endlessly self-sacrificing heroines you’d expect from a typical magical girl story. On the other hand, the anime also borrows a lot from shonen battle anime. We get these dynamic, well choreographed action sequences full of horror and gore, the focus on the importance of camaraderie between allies (or “nakama”, as shonen anime would call it) exemplified through all the bonding between the main girls during their downtime, and in the necessary co-operation to bring down the Wonder Killers. That said, this anime is not a shonen; the characters, types of conflicts, and themes are quite different from those that you’d find in a typical shonen. The bleeding together of the shonen genre and the magical girl genre, at the very least (and I say this because I think it does way more than just that), reflects Wonder Egg Priority’s interest in rebelling against conventional narratives about girlhood and gender.

[isolemnlyswearpevensie]

Beyond Our Dreams | Remus Lupin x Reader Soulmate AU

Warnings: None

Time/Era: Marauders Era, Aged 19

Word count: 2.3k

Summary: Remus Lupin finally gets to meet his American soulmate, Y/N, after seeing eachother every night in their dreamscape. 

Request: can you do a remus lupin x gender neutral reader soulmate au where they see each other in their dreams

A/N: I adore Remus so much. He’s such a special character to me. So, thank you for the request! Enjoy! I also attached my Remus Lupin playlist, which is full of songs that remind me of this perfect boi :) Check it out if you want! 

masterlist | my remus lupin playlist | read on ao3

The apartment they chose to meet at was always the same; it was a small room with a comfy, forest green couch, a cozy bed, a small kitchenette, and a door that led to a bathroom. It was rather plain as well, with dark red walls and a plush carpet below their feet. On one of the walls, there was a large window that overlooked a calm city. The normal hustle and bustle of city life was extinguished by a heavy downpour. 

While most people made their dreamscapes extravagant and complicated, as it is their mind after all, Remus and Y/N found comfort in the simplicity. The pair just needed a comfortable spot to talk and get to know eachother. 

“And then Lily just sort of dropped the bomb,” Remus stated, sitting on the couch opposite of Y/N. His long fingers wrapped around a white mug and he held his tea close to his body. 

“I can’t believe she’s pregnant!” Y/N had her legs crossed and a plate of chocolate chip cookies situated in her lap. “We haven’t even met yet, but people our age are already having kids.” 

Remus heartily chuckled, raising his mug to his lips and taking a sip. “It’ll happen in due time, darling. Besides, it’s nice to have you to myself without outside influences,” He coughs. “My friends skewing your views on me.” 

“I know your friends are lovely, based on how you speak so fondly of them.” Y/N took a big bite of one of the chocolate chip cookies. It was chewy and gooey, making it absolutely delicious. “Why are dream cookies so good? Like, seriously, these things are to die for.” 

“Because they’re a figment of your imagination. They can be as yummy or as disgusting as you make them to be.” Remus pulled at the collar of his gray t-shirt, making the seams rip. “Do you ever wish I was more, I don’t know, exciting?” 

“What do you mean?” Chocolate smudged on the corners of her mouth.

Remus grinned and licked his thumb, rubbing it over her delicate skin to clean her face. “I mean, our dream world is a one-bedroom apartment and all we ever do is talk. I don’t know, I hear Sirius has a rollercoaster in his dreamscape. I fell dull in comparison.” 

Y/N fondly smiled at her soulmate, moving so she was sitting directly next to him. “Rollercoasters are overrated. I like the comfort our little apartment gives us, it’s nice and warm in here and I have you next to me.” She set the cookies on the coffee table in front of the couch. “We don’t need to go on extravagant adventures, you seem to have enough of those when you’re awake.” 

“You deserve better, though. Not a guy in his late teens that is constantly tired and would rather sit on a couch drinking tea than going on a rollercoaster.” 

“I deserve you, and you are more than enough for me.” Y/N sighed, moving Remus’ hair out of his eyes. He couldn’t feel her physically, but it was still a nice gesture. “I’m not exactly itching to go on grand adventures. That’s what meeting you is for.” 

“You’re only 5,437 miles away, anyway.” Remus’ mouth twitched into a sad smile. “That’s nothing.” 

“Hey, it’s better than 5,438 miles.” 

“You got me there.” 

~

“What would you do if I came to London and surprised you?” Y/N laid her head on Remus’ thigh while he moved his hand through her hair, trying to imagine what it felt like. 

“I’d probably get rather quiet and not know what to do if I’m being honest,” Remus observed how Y/N’s locks flowed through his fingers like water and how it contrasted against the forest green upholstery of the couch. 

“Maybe let out a few cuss words?” 

“Why are you so obsessed with me cussing?” 

“Your accent is hot, especially when you say ‘fuck.’ I like to hear it.” Y/N smiled cheekily and watched Remus’ pupils dilate. 

“Fuck,” The words fall off his tongue with his Welsh accent. Much of the Welsh had faded, due to living at Hogwarts and now London, but it was still very apparent in his speech.  Y/N giggled and squirmed. 

“Yeah, like that. Sometimes you just slip it into casual conversations and I have to compose myself.” 

“Americans are weird, it’s just an accent.” 

“No, it’s not just an accent. It’s your accent so I like to hear it. Sue me!” Y/N threw her hands up in false anguish, lightly bumping Remus’ stomach. 

“You’re so dramatic, love.” 

“I am not dramatic! Just every time I compliment my favorite person in the world he says I’m weird! Maybe you’re the weird one, Lupin!” 

“Fine, I’m the weird one. Does that make you happy?” His voice sounded exasperated, but he was staring down at her with the fondest expression.

“Extremely.” 

~

“Do you think Sirius, James, and Peter would like me?” Y/N sat on the counter of the dream kitchenette. 

“They already do like you, dear.” Remus stood between her legs with his hands resting on her thighs. With her sitting so high, they were almost the same height. “Why?” 

“Well they’re important to you, and you’re important to me, so I want them to like me. It would suck if your friends hated me.” 

“You don’t have to worry about that. They even have a nickname for you,” Remus looked away, his cheeks turned slightly red. This piqued Y/N’s attention. 

“A nickname? What is it?”

“Button.” Remus’ cheeks were dusted a light rose color and his ears were bright red. 

“Button? Why Button?” 

“Well, a few years ago we were all going around and describing our soulmates. I said that you were as cute as a button and I guess the name stuck.” 

Butterflies erupted in Y/N’s stomach and she planted a kiss on his cheek. “Why can’t I just apparate to you again?” 

“We talked about this, love. You’ve never been here and I’ve never been there so you can’t apparate straight here. And the plane ride between us is almost 11 hours.” 

“Fucking hell.” Y/N sighed in frustration. 

“Fucking hell, indeed.” 

~

“I did something, and you have to promise not to be mad at me.” Y/N paced around the kitchenette while Remus lounged on the couch. His head shot up at her words. 

“What did you do?” His mind raced a mile a minute and he prepared himself for the worst. Y/N probably found someone better than him and wanted to cut off contact. 

“It’s nothing bad, relax.” 

“Well if it’s not bad, why would I be mad?” Y/N sighed and sat next to him on the couch. 

“Well, in the real world I’m sort of on a plane to London right now.” 

Remus’ eyes bulged and he jumped off the couch. “You’re coming? Here? Really? Now?” 

“Well, I’ll be there in about four hours.” Remus was now pacing.

“Why didn’t you tell me?! Mine and Sirius’ flat is a wreck!” 

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to back out for a silly reason like a messy apartment.” Y/N stood and reached for her boy. “I love you and I couldn’t wait any longer.” 

“Four hours?” 

“Yes, four hours.And I need a ride from the airport.” 

~

Y/N stood atop the escalator and looked at the crowd below, scanning all the faces for her love. Her face crinkled when she didn’t see Remus but two young men holding a piece of cardboard with her name written in black marker on it. She realized that the two were, in fact, James Potter and Sirius Black. 

“Sirius and James?” She said walking up, suitcase in hand. Both were much taller than Y/N and extremely handsome, making her feel slightly uncomfortable under their gaze. Both young men grinned down at her. 

“Ah, you must be Button. Nice to know Remus talks about us enough for you to recognize our handsome faces,” Sirius exclaims, putting the cardboard under his arm and nudging James. “You’re even prettier than Rem described.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Well, you aren’t exactly hard to miss. Long hair, leather jacket, combat boots, overly flirty,” Y/N turns to James. “Glasses, The Beatles shirt, tired expression. Obviously, you’re James Potter and Sirius Black.” She smiles and pulls her hair behind her ear. “Congrats on the baby, by the way.” 

James beams, “Thanks! Kinda crazy considering the circumstances, but you know how it goes.” He takes Y/N’s luggage and starts walking towards the exit. “You threw Moony into quite a panic, you know. It was one of the best things I’ve seen in a while.” 

“It had to be done, he’s been putting it off for years. Something about not wanting me to be disappointed, whatever that means.” 

“Ah, classic moons. Glad you came though, really shakes up our daily schedule.” Sirius responds. The three make their way to a Volkswagon Beetle and James pops the trunk to put Y/N’s luggage inside. 

“Why didn’t he come and get me? Not that I mind the company, of course.” Sirius crawls into the back middle seat, leaving Y/N to sit shotgun with James driving. “Woah, I forgot it’s on the wrong side.”

“He pussied out, I’m sure you know how nervous he gets,” James pulled out onto the street and down the road. “And what’s on the wrong side?” 

“Your car and the road, James. It’s on the wrong side.” 

“It’s not on the wrong side, maybe you’re on the wrong side. Ever think of that?” He turned his head to look at her, the thick frame glasses on his face sliding down his nose. 

“See! You agree! I am currently on the wrong side!” Y/N giggled and hugged her backpack to her chest. 

Sirius also lets out a loud, bellowing laugh. Y/N felt as though she had known these two her entire life; in a way, she had. 

The three pulled into a parking structure and she exited the beetle. (The car, she had come to discover, was named Lennon, after John Lennon himself.) She hadn’t been nervous up until this moment, staring at the apartment door. James patted her shoulder and smiled. 

“It’ll be okay. He’s the same Remus you’ve been talking to for the past however many years.” 

“Yeah, if you even get him to talk,” Sirius pushes his way between the two and towards the door, lugging Y/N’s bag into the flat. He drops the luggage in the middle of the living room and flops onto the couch. “Oh, Moonbear, your lover is here! Get your fine ass out of your room, before I take it out here myself!” 

Y/N cautiously pads into the house, taking in the atmosphere of the home. It was very similar to their dreamscape, very small and sparsely decorated. However, the flat seemed to have 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, as well as a few closets. The livingroom had various framed band posters hanging on the walls, as well as a big framed picture of the entire friend group. Y/N could point out who was who easily as she observed it. 

“Lily is so pretty,” She said aloud and pointed between two blondes. “Which one is Marlene and which one is Mary?” 

Sirius and James look at eachother and share a laugh. “Merlin, he really does talk about us.” James points at the girl with the big, poofy hair. “That one’s Marls, the other is Mary.” 

“Makes sense, since I’m assuming that’s Dorcas?” Y/N’s gaze moves from the blonde to a pretty brunette next to her. 

“Oi, Moons, I didn’t realize you spoke about us so much,” James says, making Y/N turn around. In all his glory, Remus Lupin stood in the living room, decked out in jeans, and a The Smiths shirt. He was perfectly imperfect, and Y/N’s entire body warmed. His gaze didn’t leave Y/N as James spoke but he allowed his jaw to grow slightly slack and his hands to pull his shirt down. 

“You’re even more beautiful in person, how is that possible?” His voice was breathy and light as if he was in complete awe. The light from the windows highlighted his cheekbones and made his features look unbelievably sharp, creating shadows that danced down his neck. He looked heavenly in absolutely every way possible, and this moment made her entire travel day worth it. Y/N blushed and stepped towards him. 

“Nice shirt, missed you at the airport, though.” 

Remus rolls his eyes and pulls his girl close to him. “Sorry ‘bout that, sunshine.” 

Y/N nestled her face into his chest, taking deep breaths of his cologne. He was even better than she expected, all the way down to the wool socks he wore. Remus’ hand came to gently stroke her hair before looking up to see his friends. Unsurprisingly, though, the living room was now empty and Sirius’ bedroom door was closed. 

“You smell so good, is that weird to say?” Y/N mumbles into the fabric of his shirt. “Like pine, and candy. I don’t know how to describe it.” She felt his chest vibrate as he laughed. 

“I can’t believe you’re finally here.” 

“Had’ta be sneaky, catch you off guard.” Y/N looked up into his eyes and glanced down to his lips. 

The soft look of admiration she had seen so many times crossed his features as he leaned down to capture her lips in a kiss. 

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 12 of 26

Title: A Wizard of Earthsea (Earthsea Cycle #1) (1968)

Author: Ursula K. Le Guin

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Young Adult, Third-Person

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 5/6/2021

Date Finished: 5/12/2021

Ged is a talented young magician with incredible potential-- possibly greater than any before him. He sets off to join the wizarding School of Roke, and quickly surpasses all of his peers. But in an act of arrogance, Ged tries to bring back the dead to impress a rival student. He unleashes a malevolent shadow upon the world, leaving him traumatized and permanently scarred. 

Soon Ged finds himself hunted by the shadow wherever he goes. None of his magic seems to work on it. Worse, he lives in fear that if the dark creature overtakes him, it will use his body as a weapon to harm others. Ged journeys from island to island in an attempt to find the solution and banish the shadow once and for all. 

Only in silence the word, only in dark the light,  only in dying life:  bright the hawk’s flight  on the empty sky. 

Content warnings and some spoilers below the cut. 

Content warnings for the book: Violence and death, including child death and animal death. Traumatic injury. 

As a fiction writer, Ursula K. Le Guin is best known for her Earthsea series, but I haven’t read them until now. She had a big impact on my childhood via a series of picture books called Catwings (they're... about a family of cats who can fly). As an adult, I’ve grown more intrigued as I've learned about Le Guin’s philosophies, especially anticapitalism. I read her famous horror story The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas last year and found it unsettling and thought-provoking. So I decided to read some of her longer works! And, of course, speculative fiction is always the way to my heart. My wonderful sister gave me the first four books of Earthsea for the holidays last year, and I’m finally getting the chance to read them. 

Overall I had a good time with A Wizard of Earthsea. It’s structured differently than a lot of fantasy novels I’ve read. While there is a big overarching plot, the individual chapters usually have their own complete story arc. It’s the type of book where you can read one chapter before bed and feel like you got a whole story; each part advances the main narrative while also providing a complete side adventure. 

There’s a lot of travel in A Wizard of Earthsea due to the setting. Earthsea is a giant, possibly world-spanning archipelago, meaning there’s a ton of islands, each of which has its own way of life. The conflict naturally has Ged travel from island to island and interact with various peoples and creatures. The closest comparison I can think of is The Odyssey, and I’d be shocked if Le Guin didn’t draw inspiration from that. Both stories involve the protagonist traveling by sea and meeting a variety of characters and mythological creatures through smaller, discrete conflicts and interactions. Usually I find long travel sequences boring, but in this case they were one of my favorite parts of the book. There’s always a sense of anticipation on where Ged’s journey will take him next. 

The magic system is also is pretty cool. The idea is that all parts of nature, from humans to goats to oceans, have hidden “true” names. Knowing something (or someone’s) true name gives one power over it (or them). Thus wizards use true names to manipulate nature; giving another person your true name is an act of absolute trust and devotion. However, a big theme of the book is equilibrium. One must always be aware of potential consequences when using magic. Changing the wind in one part of the world could cause a devastating storm one island over. Sort of a butterfly effect type thing. 

Even though violence is one of my content warnings, I’m impressed that Le Guin largely circumvents it in the story. In many fantasy stories, a wizard/mage character uses their magic to fight and crush their foes. Not so much in this novel. While Ged clashes with various entities through the story, he usually just outsmarts them. Thus his showdown with a big, fuck-off dragon boils down to Ged guessing its true name and telling it to leave. Antagonists are usually the ones instigating violence. 

One thing I found odd about the pacing of the book is it slowed down a lot in the last few chapters. There’s a big action sequence with serious consequences around the novel’s midpoint, but everything after that is slower and more reflective. On a surface reading level, I’m not sure I liked this. I’m used to stories ramping up the tension more and more until the end. However, I did like the climax itself, when Ged reveals the shadow’s true name. The central moral of the novel is that one needs to accept everything about themselves, including their past mistakes. Everyone has a dark side, which ties into the central theme of balance, and even the opening poem of the novel (which I used as the excerpt for this review). It’s a pretty universal idea, but Le Guin presents it in a thematically satisfying way. 

I tagged this as a Young Adult novel because Le Guin wrote it for a teenage audience. YA didn’t exist as its own genre at the time, but A Wizard of Earthsea is a coming of age story (a staple of YA), and even has a moral message of sorts at the end. However, sometimes it’s really obvious that it’s intended for a younger audience. As I get older, I’ve noticed that YA tends to be pretty blunt about its meaning and symbolism in a way adult novels aren’t. For example, while pursuing the shadow, Ged gets lost in a mysterious fogbank. To me this was a clear callback to the first chapter, where Ged outsmarts a band of barbarians by trapping them in a fog. But Le Guin also made sure to tell me several pages later, in case I missed the parallel. I’m torn on this when reading YA. While I’m not the intended audience, I feel this approach underestimates teenagers’ ability to critically examine a text. But YA teaches many how to view things that way, so I see why authors do it. Teens aren’t a monolith, but it is interesting to see this tendency to over-explain in a novel from 50+ years ago. 

A Wizard of Earthsea is surprisingly progressive in many respects. Perhaps the most obvious is race. Ged and most of the main cast are explicitly nonwhite and described as such in the text. This isn’t a huge revelation in 2021, but it’s amazing to see something like that in a mainstream fantasy novel from 1968. Apparently Le Guin struggled with publishers for a long time, as many early covers whitewashed Ged for the sake of “sales” until she gained more creative control. And the (shitty) film/TV adaptations of Earthsea are just as guilty. I went through a LOT of covers while researching this book, and even newer editions often opt for heavily stylized art, nonhuman subjects, etc. The cover I chose is from 1984, when Le Guin presumably had more influence on Ged’s portrayal. I’m interested to see how past book covers stack up when I deep dive on the other books. 

However, I found the book to be not so progressive when it came to gender roles (I know, I wasn’t expecting that either). Le Guin makes it very clear that all the famous and powerful wizards/mages in Earthsea are dudes. The wizard school toward the beginning is all dudes. All the adventurers and sailors in the story are dudes. Ged himself makes some pretty sexist comments (though to be fair, that was pre-character development). There are relatively few female characters in the story, and many are either bit parts or (in one case) a seductive, power-hungry villain. Portraying sexism in a fantasy setting isn’t an inherently bad thing. Jemisin’s Dreamblood duology, which I read earlier this year, introduced stringent gender roles in order to explore the insidious nature of misogyny. But A Wizard of Earthsea doesn’t really go beneath the surface level. Yarrow is probably the most well-written female character in the story, and she only shows up in the last few chapters. Again, I’m interested to see how Le Guin handles this in later entries; the next book stars a female protagonist and Ged’s the deuteragonist. 

I liked A Wizard of Earthsea overall, and I think it serves as a good introduction to both the series and a central recurring character. While I have some criticisms of the first book, I do realize it’s a relatively early work of Le Guin’s. The last novel in this series was published in 2001, so I’m interested to see how the characters and writing changed over 30+ years. 

[hellomynameisbisexual]

I’ve identified as straight, I’ve identified as gay, and I’ve identified—and still identify—as bi. My sexual identity is something of a shapeshifting mass that I can never quite firmly grasp. In the minds of many, I’m confused. But I don’t see it that way. I’ve always been confident in my sexual orientation; it’s just changed over time. For the majority of my life, I was solely romantically and sexually linked to women. But in my late 20s, I started to experiment with men (something I’ve wanted to do for a long, long time) and really liked it. Now, I’m far more attracted to men than women, but who’s to say my sexual preference won’t sway again?

“It’s not uncommon for people’s sexual identities to change,” sex educator Erica Smith, M.Ed, tells NewNowNext. “I know this as a sexuality educator and because I’ve experienced it firsthand. I’ve identified as bisexual, lesbian, queer, and straight (when I was very young). It wasn’t until I was in my mid-30s that I relaxed into the knowledge that my sexual attractions are probably going to keep changing and shifting my whole life.”

According to Alisa Swindell, Ph.D. candidate and bisexual activist, it is not always our sexuality that changes. Usually, it’s our understanding of our sexuality that evolves when we explore what feels right to us. “Our understanding of gender and how it is expressed has been evolving at a rate that has not previously been known (or studied) and that is changing how we understand our own desires and responses to others,” she says.

Many outside factors can influence our sexuality. For instance, Swindell thinks many bisexuals are playing against a numbers game. “There are more people with other gender attractions than same-gender, so more often bisexual people end up in relationships with people of another gender and find it easier to pursue those relationships,” she says.

In her opinion, this sentiment is especially true for women, as there is still a lot of stigma toward bi women within lesbian communities. Men, however, experience a different set of challenges.

“Once [men] start dating [other] men, they often find themselves in social situations that are almost exclusively male and so meeting women becomes harder,” she adds, effectively summarizing my lived experience as a sexually active bisexual man. “Also, those men, like all of us, were socialized to respond to heterosexual norms. So many men who enjoy the queerness of the male spaces are still often attracted to heteronormative women who do not always respond to male bisexuality due to continuing stigma.”

The continuing stigma often pressures bisexuals to adopt a monosexual identity. Take Leslie, a “not super out” bisexual, as an example. Leslie dated a woman from her late teens to early 20s, keeping her sexual orientation a secret because her parents were conservative and she didn’t want to ruffle any feathers. As she revisits her past same-sex relationship with me, she has a realization: “In reflecting on all of that, I think deep down I thought that being with a man would just be easier.”

Now married to a man, Leslie feels like she’s lost her bi identity, though she’s still attracted to different genders. “When I see people I follow online and find out they are bisexual I usually reach out and say, ‘I am, too!’ so I can collect sisters and brothers where I can,” she adds. “Otherwise, as I am cisgender-presenting I often feel like I don’t really have a say but I offer my support.”

This loss of identity is all too common. “Maintaining a recognized bisexual identity can be difficult as monosexuality is still the assumed norm,” Swindell says, noting that showing support—whether that looks like keeping up with issues that affect bisexuals, correcting people who mistakenly call bisexuals gay or straight, or encouraging our partners to not let that slide when it comes up with friends and family are all important for maintaining an identity—as Leslie has, is important to maintaining a bi identity. Smith adds this loss of identity may be attributed to a person’s own internalized biphobia, too.

“When it comes to sexuality in particular, there is rightfully a lot of autonomy given to people to self-identify. If someone self-identifies as queer or bisexual, none of their sexual or relational behavior, in of itself, alters that,” psychotherapist Daniel Olavarria, LCSW, tells NewNowNext. “Of course, there is also a recognition that by marrying someone of the opposite sex, for example, that this queer person is exercising a level of privilege that may alter their external experience in the world. As a result, this may have implications for how that person is perceived among queer and non-queer communities.”

Jodi’s experience as a bisexual person is more reflective of my own: She shares that she’s gone through stages where she only dates men, and others where she only dates women. Available studies suggest that only a minority of bisexuals maintain simultaneous relationships with both genders. In one report, self-identified bisexuals were asked if they had been sexually involved with both men and women in the past 12 months. Two-thirds said yes, and only one-third has been simultaneously involved with both genders.

As for a possible explanation? “It can be really difficult for us to find partners who are comfortable with us dating other genders at the same time,” Smith offers up as a theory.

“If I’m in a situation where I have to be exhibiting a lot of ‘masculine’ energy (running projects, being very in charge of things at work, etc.), then I tend to want to be able to be in more ‘feminine’ energy at home,” Jodi adds, clarifying that people of any gender identity can boast masculine and feminine energy. “Likewise, if my work life looks quieter and focused on more ‘feminine’ aspects such as nurturing and caregiving, I tend to want to exhibit a stronger more masculine presence while at home.”

Bisexuality is, in many ways, a label that can accommodate one’s experience on a sexuality spectrum. This allows for shifts based on a person’s needs or interests at any given point in their life. Perhaps “The Bisexual Manifesto,” published in 1990 from the Bay Area Bisexual Network, says it best:

Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.

Sexuality is complicated, and how we experience it throughout our lives is informed by a multitude of different factors—the exploration of power dynamics, craving certain types of sexual experiences, and social expectations can all influence our gender preferences at any given time, to name just a few. Much like our own bodies, our understanding of our sexual orientation will continue to grow.

I’ve come to accept this ongoing evolution as a wonderful and inevitable thing. Imagine having a completely static sexual orientation your entire life? Boring! Being able to explore your sexuality with wonderful people of all genders is intensely satisfying and uniquely insightful, no matter how many others try to denounce what you feel in your heart or your loins.

I didn’t choose the bi life; the bi life chose me. And I am grateful.

[leavetwn]

* KAYLEE BRYANT, CISWOMAN + SHE/HER  | you know SUZIE TANAKA, right? they’re TWENTY-ONE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, EIGHTEEN YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to VALENTINE BY HOPE TALA like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole ROLLERSKATES SCUFFED FROM YEARS OF USE, STARTING A JOURNAL ENTRY TWO YEARS SINCE THE LAST ONE, A SIGH OF RELIEF ONCE YOU'RE FINALLY ALONE thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is NOVEMBER 28TH, so they’re a SAGGITARIUS, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( claire, 22, est, she/her )

it’s me again ! bringing a character who i’ve played for a while now, just switched up & such for every rp, and now , i’m bringin her here. :^) i hope you enjoy her as much as i do! tw: mentions of mental illness (anxiety)

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 .

full name: suzie tanaka. nickname(s): su, anything your muse wants to call her tbh. age: twenty-one. date of birth: november 28th. zodiac sign: saggitarius. gender/pronouns: ciswoman, she/her. sexual orientation: bisexual. romantic orientation: biromantic. hometown: san francisco, californio. current residence: irving, north carolina. occupation: part time waitress at cutie pie’s thanks to her skills on skates. full time student at the local college in her junior year as a creative writing major. she minors in film pro eye color: brown. hair color/style: dark brown, upper-mid back length & she usually just wears it in a simple ponytail. it’s more manageable when she’s out. however, when she’s at home, she’ll leave it down. height : 5′3″. clothing style: you can’t really put suzie’s style into one category. it’s inspired by several different eras & many times she pieces it together. some might call it a bit tacky at times, but she thinks it looks cute. to her, that’s all that matters. tattoos: none. probably could never attempt to get one cause she’s seriously afraid of needles lol. piercings: her ears and that’s when she was fairly young. reference the tattoos portion for reasoning.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 .

when you were around six years old  , you first realized that you were lonely. it wasn’t like you weren’t around other people. it was just that those people were mostly your mom and dad. occasionally your cousins would come over sometimes, but they were all older than you by at least four years. your parents were kind of eccentric, and for that, they experienced how harsh other kids could be very early on. they decided they didn’t want you to experience the same things, so since both were felt they were prepared enough to do so, they homeschooled you to keep you sheltered from those types of things. 

you’re sure they had good intentions. that’s not something you questioned, but you wished they’d at least find another kid you could be friends with or have another kid. you found yourself bored by yourself, so you immersed yourself in things like books or whatever movies they had around the house. this is where your love of fairytales began, and you’d fantasize about living in one while you read or watched the stories unfold.

you lived in your head, and you still pretty much do. you’re an idealist, even though you haven’t seen much of the world. perhaps it’s the fact that you haven’t ventured very far from your home that makes you so, and while life could still be boring, you always had another book or movie to keep you company. you grew content being on your own, and the more that you were, the more you began to enjoy your own company.

that didn’t change the fact that you longed for friends. in all the stories you read or watched, the protagonist had one other person along with them for much of their journey. sure, you had people that you were friendly with, but it was never to the extent that you wanted. it was never a best friend or a close group  —  just someone you saw on few occasions. it also didn’t help how you felt when you were around others. the way you monitored every step you took, the way you crossed your legs, or going over the way you would speak to someone in your head over and over. you figured for the longest time it was because you were shy, but a diagnosis of anxiety gave you a lot more clarity and almost a sense of relief. those things started to make more sense.

being alone helped a lot when it came to academics. you spent a lot of your time studying or looking up random ass facts on the internet, and because of this, you’d call yourself fairly smart. you know your shit. it also helped a lot when getting into colleges. you didn’t aim too high though, not yet comfortable being all the way on your own. so, you chose the nearby university to attend. 

you move out. you’re excited, and your parents are nervous but prepared. they’re not oblivious to the fact that this day would come. you’re ready to go out and face the world, but most of all, you’re ready to make friends. you’re ready to go out and experience the world, every small step at a time. you’re convinced at college you’ll become a brand new person, find yourself, and make plenty of friends. 

it doesn’t go like that at first. of course it doesn’t. it’s a new environment, and it takes getting used to. but soon, people loosen up and warm up to you. you’re quick to make a couple of friends. it isn’t at all like the stories you’d read or watched when you were younger. it is happy and fun and joyous, but you realize that friendships take work. it’s a bit exhausting, as someone who had become such an introvert, but you manage and form close bonds. 

as of now, you are working on your degree and managing life one step at a time. you’re doing pretty well, and things are looking up. you keep your head in the clouds still to this day, imagining what the future will be like. you’re still idealistic and optimistic, not that that’s a bad thing.  

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 .

i was being exaggerative with the ‘being at home’ stuff rip. i mean, she did spend a lot of time at home, but she wasn’t always there. her dad would take her out to rockin’ and rollin’, and i mean, she fuckin rocks when it comes to skating. it was kind of freeing to her as a child. she def got a pair of rollerblades as a christmas present, and she probably was the kid skating down her neighborhood road and shit from sunrise until her mom told her to take her ass inside. 

maybe seems like she’s ditzy and she’s probably somewhat naive, but she’s definitely not stupid. she’s also a fast learner. she is, however, too nice for her own good. she’ll learn eventually, but she’s hopeful and an optimist at heart 💔

loves her dad but tells her mom everything. she doesn’t recognize it, but her mom was probably her first best friend lmaoo. they have a really good relationship. she has a good relationship with her dad too. he’s a bit more closed off than her mom, and she recognizes that but understands.

has an irrational fear that everyone’s like,,, staring at her & thinking she’s weird. really wants everyone to like her but she’s not sure how to make that happen (news flash, it won’t)

her fam is actually from san francisco but when she was 3, her dad got a better offer in irving so that’s how they ended up here. she knows this & she wonders what life woulda been like if she stayed back in san fran. probably wouldn’t have changed but she literally lives in her head and imagines shit like that’s her job at this point so yehhh 

dreams of being a screenwriter and maybe even a director one day. she saw how film and books influenced her life as a kid & she wants to have the same impact, yk? v cute to me i love that. maybe she’ll write a book one day too who knows

i’m feelin like she has a ton of online friends cause she was seeking connection /w people so it makes sense. shout out to all her online pals who kept her sane & shit, but it wasn’t enough for her cause she really wanted those kinds of things irl.

is a hopeless romantic rip to her. just wants someone to sweep her up off her feet and give her butterflies but this aint no damn fairytale so let’s make it chaotic

character parallels: lily (dash & lily, 2020) , amélie poulain (amélie, 2001) , belle in some ways lmao (beauty and the beast, 1991) more to be added.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 .

*  friends, best friends, etc.  — literally any friends at all. this is the connection she craves the most tbh. platonic over romantic periodt ! she just wants people to braid her hair and have deep, personal convos with about literally anything while legally blonde is on the television. 

* a bad influence  —  i mean, she stayed inside mostly & is kind of an introvert. didn’t have tons of friends either, so she didn’t really have time to go to parties, etc. BE A BAD INFLUENCE SHE NEEDS TO LET LOOSE LMAOO. it’ll prolly take a lot to get her out but hey 

* good influence  — someone she’s a good influence on & who she helps in some way. i could see it happenin’. if you see it happening, i mean... hmu you know where i am mwah 💖

* crush  — someone she’s head over heels with. i mean, it probably wouldn’t take a lot. in my head she be catching feelings way too fast. it’s just a thing, but yeah, it could go either way. maybe your character is into her too or she’ll end up getting her heart broken which is lmao bound to happen one day. could also be someone who’s crushing on her but she’s way to busy focusing all her romantic attention on someone else to notice? idk i’m just here for all the plots.

* annoyance  — someone who finds her ass annoying/does not like her. she wants everyone to like her so it would be so confusing and upsetting and she would be like wtf did i do but i want it cause i love angst. sorry to all my muses out there luv yall but i’m just bein real

* again, anything at all  — if you have an idea that you love, pls don’t hesitate to hmu and lemme know. i promise i will 99.9% of the time be down. the same goes for any wanted connection doodads that i reblog like if u see it and ur like omg i luv that... PLEASE hmu i luv u all already & just wanna have plots and write with you srsly

[eldritchsurveys]

1062.

Have you ever started reading a book and wondered if you’d read it before? >> IDK where on earth Lane got this survey from but it is long as balls and I’m taking it as a personal challenge at this point lmao. LET’S GOOO I’ve never had this experience, no. I don’t always remember the content of books I’ve read, but I at least remember the experience of reading them, I guess?

What has been bothering you a lot lately? >> Oof. I don’t know how to explain it here so it makes sense to the average reader, so I won’t bother making sense. I want Bruni to be a real, external entity, so badly, but if he’s not then I need to know. I need to know if I just created him, because I needed to, so I can come to terms with that and figure out what to do about it. I’ve also been bothered lately by just... my inability to form connections, to feel the way I’m supposed to feel about other people. Knowing why I’m like this (and knowing that it’s not some inherent flaw of mine but a direct result of not being emotionally taken care of when I should have been) only helps a little. I feel like there’s no way I’ll ever be able to fix this, and my only truly fulfilling relationships will be Inworld, forever. (I guess that’s better than nothing, though! At least Inworld exists.)

What (or who) have you been missing lately? >> ---

Are you trustworthy? >> I mean, I guess. I don’t know what anyone would be trusting me with.

Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? >> No, even a white lie would have gotten me punished.

Have you ever hallucinated? >> Yes.

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? >> Closed, to keep both the cat and noise out.

What flags do you have in your room, if any? >> None. Sparrow has a pretty neat gay flag on her wall and a regular gay flag on her lamp.

What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? >> Hm.

What is the worst decision you ever made? >> *shrug*

Do you miss college? >> I’ve never been.

Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? >> No.

What is your favorite arcade game? >> In the Groove.

Do you feel neglected? >> Not now. But I sure do feel the ramifications of previous forms of neglect.

What school subject(s) are/were your best? >> ---

Are you allergic to grass? >> Nope.

Do you remember to water plants? >> Sometimes. I managed to kill a spider plant, though, so I’m kind of discouraged when it comes to plants. I’ll let that be Sparrow’s thing, I’m apparently unfit.

What season is your birthday in? >> Spring.

Name 3 creative people you know. >> ---

Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. >> ---

What color was your first car? >> ---

What year did you graduate? >> 2004.

When was the last time you saw the person you currently have feelings for? >> ---

Have you ever been scammed? >> Nah.

Are you allergic to pollen? >> No.

What style of wedding dress do you like best? >> Sparrow’s was pretty neat.

Are you over your first love? >> ---

Do you talk on the phone a lot? >> I never talk on the phone.

Would you rather call or text? >> Obviously text.

Do you always answer your phone? >> What do you think?

When was the last time you went to a party? >> I guess January; the get-together after Elle’s wedding was pretty much a party.

What was the last thing you ate? >> Beans and rice.

What’s the last book you checked out from the library? >> I haven’t checked a book out in a while. I heard about a book recently and it wasn’t on Scribd so I decided to check Libby just on a whim (I’m used to the books I want to read never being available as ebooks in this library’s meager collection) and they had it. So I might check it out. I feel kind of anxious about doing it because my reading habits have been so erratic lately and I’m like “but what if I don’t read it fast enough?” which, like, you know, I just... renew it... but no one said anxiety had to be fuckin logical, you know.

Do you have a twitter? If so, what was the last thing you tweeted? >> No.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? >> ---

What’s the last thing you cooked on the stove? >> Eggs.

What color is the cover of the last notebook you used? >> ---

Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? >> Uh... Sparrow, I think.

Who sent the last e-mail you got? >> YES! Magazine.

What song is currently stuck in your head? >> Just some FFXIV music because I just got done playing about an hour ago.

Do you have a favorite shape? >> No.

What color are the sheets on your bed? >> Light grey.

What time do you usually go to bed? >> Between 10 and 11p.

Do you ever use coloring books? >> I’ve done so, but I haven’t lately.

Are you planning on watching the Olympics? >> No.

Do you pronounce the word “often” with or without a “t” in the middle? Hmm. Now that I’ve said it to myself in a few different contexts, it seems I do both. If it’s a one-word answer, like in response to “how much do you get high?” then “often” has a t in it. If it comes in the middle of a sentence and is not the focus, it does not have one. < Yup.

Have you ever been on a trapeze? >> No.

Do you enjoy popping bubble wrap? >> Sometimes. I saved some from a recent package just in case I get the urge, lol. It’s on my desk right now.

Are there any waterfalls near where you live? >> I don’t think so. The landscape isn’t exactly varied here.

Do you like seafood? >> Yes.

Have you ever had to wear a uniform for anything? >> Parochial school.

If so, what did it look like? >> IDK, man, it was a long time ago.

Do you personally know anyone who is an author? >> No.

Do you own a Polaroid camera? >> No.

Do you enjoy baking? >> No.

What’s your favorite type of flower? >> Sunflowers.

Last time (if ever) you were on an airplane, where were you going? >> I was coming home from Houston.

Do you know anyone who is left-handed? >> Sure.

What is something you think is underrated? >> ---

Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? >> It’s not so much the temperature as the level of humidity, how sunny it is, what time of year it is, etc. There are multiple factors that go into how I experience temperature and the number on the thermometer is only one facet of that.

In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? >> ---

How often do you travel outside of the state/province you live in? >> Not often. Before it was just because it’s expensive and also Sparrow would have to take off work and stuff, and now it’s because of those reasons and also the pandemic.

What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? >> ---

What has been your favorite job you’ve had so far? >> Selling merch for local bands at shows.

What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? >> Chunky medium-hot salsa.

Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? >> ---

Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? >> This is probably the farthest north I’ve been.

Farthest south? >> I think New Orleans is farther south than Houston, but I don’t feel like looking it up to confirm (or be proven wrong).

East? >> Long Island?

West? >> Colorado.

How often do you run the dishwasher? >> Every couple of days, when it works. (We’re waiting on Maintenance to come fix it, but of course they’re taking their sweet time.)

Do you wash your face at the sink or in the shower? >> I use micellar water, so I just do it in my room. Otherwise I’d do it in the shower because I hate using the sink for that.

Name a stereotype about your gender that you don’t fit. >> Are there agender stereotypes? I haven’t heard of any.

Name a stereotype about your age that you don’t fit. >> Uh... I don’t have kids? Idk.

Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? >> If so, they’re not unusual to me, so...

Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? >> We do have a waffle iron (Sparrow got one for her birthday). I’m not sure what other kind of appliances are uncommon. Are rice cookers uncommon? I can’t imagine why they would be, they’re so convenient. Unless you just don’t like rice...

What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? >> ---

Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? >> ---

What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? >> Uh... pre-calculus? I don’t remember, man.

How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? >> I don’t remember. Somewhere between five and eight, I guess. Sounds right.

How old were you when you learned how to swim? >> ---

How do you react when someone is rude to you? >> It depends on the situation.

Have you ever had a friend who was too clingy? >> No.

What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? >> Blizzard, I’d imagine.

Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? >> ---

Do you have a Netflix account? >> I do.

Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? >> ---

Where is your favorite place to go on vacation? >> I guess New Orleans.

How long does it take to get there? >> About half a day, including layovers and shit. No direct flights from GRR to MSY.

When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? >> ---

What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? >> I don’t really know. I was gonna say Sparrow’s room, and then I was gonna say the kitchen, and then I was gonna say the half-bath... I think the half-bath is probably the most reasonable answer?

What is the last random act of kindness you did? >> ---

Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? >> I don’t have to reduce it, I barely use any to begin with.

Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? >> Yes.

Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? >> Yes.

Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? >> Probably. Not necessarily because I wanted to, sometimes dreams just do weird shit like that.

Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm? >> No.

Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? >> I guess that’s a way to put it.

If your Facebook status doesn’t get any likes/comments, does it bother you? >> ---

Which friend do you confide in most? >> ---

Do you wear a cross? >> There’s a small cross on my left earring. But I don’t wear, like, a religious cross.

What is your opinion on Arby’s? >> I’ve only had it once, and that was on the way back from Colorado that one time, when the Greyhound stopped at Arby’s. I don’t remember what the food was like, though. Not even sure why I remember that we stopped there at all.

When you have your own kitchen, how will it be done? >> I mean, this kitchen is “mine”? I don’t live with parents or anything, so...? But I don’t have a choice in how it looks or anything, I didn’t build it.

What is your favorite doughnut? >> Apple cider doughnuts, always.

Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? >> No.

Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? >> I read the first book ages ago, didn’t care for it, forgot about it (until it blew up in popularity, of course).

What is your favorite party game? >> ---

Do you or your parents rake your yard? >> ---

Were you pro-Obama? >> I didn’t have an opinion at the time, I was busy trying to survive.

What is your favorite scent from Bath & Body Works? >> ---

What was the last illegal thing you did? >> I don’t remember. Probably something like jaywalking. Or watching Bill & Ted Face the Music on an illegal streaming site. 

Who did you last go to the movies with? >> Sparrow.

What color was the last vehicle you were in? >> Silver.

Do you have any family members in the military right now? >> ---

Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? >> Nope.

When was the last time you wished time would move faster? >> I don’t know.

Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? >> Nope.

Have you ever heard voices? >> Not... in that sense. Like obviously I hear the Inworlders’ voices, but... not quite the same thing, I’m guessing.

Do you believe in angels and demons? >> I have not encountered those kinds of angels and demons. I usually use those words as like... shortcut terms rather than references to the actual Christian concepts or whatever.

Who is the worst neighbor you have ever had? >> ---

Did your Barbies go on dates? >> I don’t recall the specific nature of the social playacting I did with Barbies.

If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? >> I didn’t “come out to” anyone.

Where did you meet your first crush? >> ---

Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? >> ---

Do you ever go places with wet hair? >> No.

Who is your favorite little girl? >> ---

What do you want the most in life? >> That’s complicated.

What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? >> I don’t know, man.

Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you?  >> Absolutely.

When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? >> No. I’ve also showered with the door open even when Sparrow was home, I just usually don’t because it’s not necessary (I just use my phone flashlight in that case so it’s not pitch dark and I don’t kill myself in there). But when I’m alone I just leave the door open for the ambient light. Why don’t I use the bathroom light? Because I have Problems and Disorders. Next question.

If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose?  >> I like my own.

What are your top 3 favorite genres of music?  >> ---

Where did you buy your dishes from? >> We generally don’t buy dishes. All of our dishes are from either Sparrow’s sister or the wedding registry.

Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime?  >> I doubt it.

What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money?  >> ---

What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? >> I don’t know.

Have you ever been on a ship?  >> I’ve been on a ferry and a regular boat. Not a ship.

Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media?  >> Just like... off days, I guess. Sometimes I need time to do other stuff and it’s easier to do that when I don’t have the internet wide open and ready to distract me.

Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? >> I don’t have a preference.

Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes?  >> *shrug* ???

What’s a class you did not take in school, but now wish you had?  >> ---

Have you ever been to either of your parents’ workplaces?  >> ---

What do you think of the ‘Healthy At Every Size’ movement/philosophy?  >> I don’t have any thoughts about it because I don’t know what exactly said philosophy entails. The phrase itself doesn’t give me enough information to start forming an opinion around.

Have you ever been bitten so hard that their teeth marks were there after? >> Yeah.

Ever been given a hickey? (Love bite)  >> No.

Ever gave one?  >> I don’t think so.

Are you more of an outgoing type or shy type?  >> ---

Do you think it’s weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner?  >> .... No.........

Are you self conscious? If so what are you self conscious about?  >> I’m self-conscious about being Weird(tm), having Issues and Problems Disorders, and having differing opinions about things that lots of people think a certain way about.

Are you flirty at all?  >> No.

Are you racist at all?  >> I might have perpetuated racist speech and behaviour, sure. I don’t think that means “I am a racist”, I think that means I’ve learned some fucked up shit from other people and hopefully I’ve learned better by now.

Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest)  >> ...

If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do?  >> Call the authorities, I guess. Like... idk??? That’s such a weird situation to be in.

Would you rather adopt or have your own child?  >> ---

What would you class as cheating on someone?  >> I don’t have a personal definition for cheating because the concept does not apply to me or how I do relationships.

Do you try to be politically correct? >> No.

What’s your favorite kind of sea critter?  >> I’m not sure. There are a lot of cool ones.

Have you ever tasted locally-made honey before?  >> Yep! <3

As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? >> Neither, I like the earrings I have.

Do you find P.E. humiliating, or think schools shouldn’t teach it?  >> I found it obnoxious and boring and a waste of time, but that doesn’t mean schools shouldn’t teach it. I just had a bad time with it for my own specific reasons.

Do you recycle?  >> No.

Are you interested in current world issues?  >> Not particularly.

Do you think you are mature, or immature?  >> ...

What kind of career are you interested in? >> ---

Do you own a pair of sunglasses?  >> I own two pairs. I really want a better pair, like an actual good pair of sunglasses and not just cheapo pairs.

Do you use bobby pins, hair clips, or elastic hair ties? Which?  >> No.

How badly do you get acne? (If at all)  >> I don’t.

What’s the best way to cope with a breakup?  >> ---

If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason?  >> I said something that ticked them off? I don’t smile enough? IDK, dude?

How many text messages do you have in your inbox atm?  >> ---

When was the last time you had a difficult decision to make?  >> I don’t remember.

In school, what subjects do/did you find the most difficult?  >> English.

Do you still speak to the person you had your first kiss with?  >> ---

Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with?  >> ---

Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook?  >> One of Elle’s friends that I met at her wedding.

Who was the last person that asked if you were okay?  >> I don’t remember the last time someone asked me that.

What does your handwriting look like?  >> I don’t know how to describe it.

Do you use any products on your hair, other than shampoo and conditioner?  >> I use a tea tree oil on my scalp and that’s about it.

Who were your best friends in primary school? >> ---

Do you still speak to any of them? >> ---

What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine?  >> I don’t remember the last time I used a vending machine.

What color hair did your first crush have?  >> ---

What type of shoes do you find the most comfortable?  >> No shoes.

Are you more masculine or feminine?  >> ---

If you could design your own mug, what would you put on it?  >> I don’t want to design a mug. I like the ones I already have.

What is the best beach you’ve been to?  >> I’ve only been to the NY ones...

What is one thing you physically can’t do?  >> Run a marathon.

Have you ever been to a funeral? >> Yes.

Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building?  >> No.

Have you ever visited your nation’s capitol building?  >> No.

Do/did you have a favorite seat in church?  >> ---

What is your favorite park?  >> I still really love Central Park. And Prospect Park, too.

Have you ever felt an earthquake? >> A very minor aftershock, once.

Do you chew gum regularly?  >> Not anymore, not after Orbit ruined my favourite kind. :(

Where did you go on your first train ride?  >> I think that was to North Carolina when I was 17.

Do you know anyone with a dual citizenship?  >> No.

What sports teams do you root for, if any? (Extra points for Boston fans.) >> ---

Do you dunk your cookies in milk?  >> Nope.

What is something you are confident about?  >> ---

Have you ever been physically addicted to a substance? What?  >> No.

How do you feel about needles?  >> I don’t have any feelings about them, they don’t affect me either way.

What is your favorite accent to listen to?  >> ---

What was the reason you last got dressed up?  >> Halloween.

Have you ever been the subject of cruel rumors? What were they?  >> Maybe at some point, but I don’t remember now.

Do you prefer loose or form-fitting clothing? What about on your preferred gender?  >> I prefer looser clothing. Not baggy, per se, just looser.

What do you do when you are really, really mad?  >> I don’t know, I haven’t been that mad in so long I have no idea what I’d do.

Would you rather go naked than wear fur?  >> Fuck no????

Do you put a line through your 7’s? What about your Z’s?  >> Nah.

What is one thing that someone could do to you that is unforgivable?  >> *shrug*

Are you able to forgive and forget? >> Mehhhh.

Do you like cold pizza? >> I really do not.

What is your favorite fruit?  >> I’m not sure, I like most fruits.

What about your favorite fruit juice, if it differs from solid fruit?  >> ---

Do you like broccoli and cheese? >> No! Leave broccoli alone, christ.

What about potatoes and cheese?  >> Not really?

Have you written a letter by hand, lately? To whom?  >> No.

Toaster or toaster oven?  >> We only have a toaster, but I would love a toaster oven.

What are you most known for?  >> ---

Do you have any reputations? What are they?  >> Er...

Do you wear band shirts? What band was on the last one you wore?  >> I do. I’m not sure what the last one I wore was.

Do you own any hats? Describe them.  >> I have a plain floppy beanie and I have one that says “I don’t need no body” and it has a dancing skeleton on it, lol.

What about masks, you got any? Describe those.  >> Yeah, I have a raven masquerade mask. I forget why.

What was the last thing to leave you speechless?  >> I don’t remember.

Do your parents like your friends? If they don’t, why not?  >> ---

Have you been called a bad influence?  >> I don’t think so.

Describe your favorite pair of socks.  >> I don’t have a favourite, per se, but here’s a fun pair I have: they say “eat, drink, and be spooky” or something very similar and have a fun Halloween design on them.

Have you experienced any life-changing news, events, etc, lately?  >> No.

Have any self-done piercings?  >> Not anymore.

Ever pierced someone else?  >> No.

Do you get distracted easily?  >> By things like sound and motion.

Is talking to strangers enjoyable for you, or stressful?  >> It can really go either way. Sometimes it’s just neutral.

How do you feel about getting new neighbors? >> I don’t care. They’re probably just going to be loud asses too.

How many ceiling fans are in your home?  >> Zero.

Do you tweet your life away? >> I don’t tweet at all.

How do you feel about shameless self promoting? >> I don’t care?

When reading words. like. this. do. you always pause after the periods?  >> Yeah.

What about screaming when reading something IN ALL CAPS?  >> Yes, which is why I hate when people type like that. There’s a popular blogger on this website that makes all their posts in all-caps and I will never fucking understand it. Like, their content is fun sometimes but I can’t really engage with it because I hate the shouty text!

[thefirstcourtesan]

The Royal Recap: A Tale of Two Houses, Chapter 1

Hello all! It’s time for my thoughts and reactions to the first two chapters of The Royal Masquerade. Most weeks I will have this out earlier than Friday, but as many of you know, I was way from Friday to Wednesday and am playing catch up.

I loved The Crown and the Flame. Loved it so much. I do like the Royal Romance, but it was the TC&TF connection that has me so excited about this book, a return to teh world of teh Five Kingdoms and the first Choices characters I ever fell in love with. I play wth two devices so my recaps note that. I don’t search out other playthroughs though, this is just based on my own play and reaction. I will point out connections to other books and my random thoughts and so on. I also don’t necessarily go chronologically, if a point comes up twice, I will discuss it all at once.

So with that settled, let’s start!

The book tells us that our story is taking place in 1600 A.D in the Kingdom of Cordonia, so 400 years before modern events and a later comment about it being 300 years since humans had magic makes me think it is probably roughly 400 years since the events of TC&TF, putting us at the mid-point between the two lores. More on that later.

But first, we have to choose what we look like! 5 faces and 3 of them are from OH. Oh hello again, I think we are all sick of you. One is from ACOR and the 5th is new. I have to choose two, so I chose the ACOR face and the new one. We also have to choose a name and a house. Here are the choices for house:

I am a little salty that we couldn’t choose to be a Nevrakis 😂 as that was my number one hope for this book. Oh well. I guess I’ll choose from these three.

I chose House Rosario on one playthrough and House Everhart on the other. Meet my MCs, Lady Viola of House Rosario and Lady Livia of House Everhart:

Both names were chosen for a reason, one as a nod to one of my favorite Shakespeare plays (and a fitting one I think) and the other a reference to my own fanfic canon.

Now, to the story, we start while dancing with a mysterious stranger. The game asks us if we are interested in men, women, or both. We will see later that this choice impacts the gender of the LIs, which is a neat way of blending the sexuality choice of TE with the LI gender choice of Perfect Match/High School Story: Class Act/Platinum.

I chose interested in men on one device (Livia) and both on the other (Viola). Interesting note, I got blonde male Hunter as my dance partner in both, though he is obviously not identified yet. There is some flirting and they lean in for a kiss and then... We are rudely interrupted.

Turns out it was just a dream and we are brought to the present and the library where the MC works under the stern Head Librarian Kana. We learn that we were raised in a respected family, but given to the library. Given the nasty atttude of our aunts when we meet them, I am going to guess that happened when our parents died. But for now, back to the drudgery of writing up manuscripts on soil samples.

We are interrupted again, but this time not by Master Kana, instead it is a pretty noblewoman, who we quickly learn is our big sister Annalise. She quickly tells us that she is here to whisk us away from the library and sneak us into the Royal masquerade ball! Alright, sis, I already love you. I love her even more when she firmly puts Kana in his place before whisking us away.

She takes us home to the family estate and we reveal we have been away from some time. As soon as we get inside, we are introduce to our aunts Zya and Elise. Zya is terrible and sour and hates us, she is the one who reveals that the MC is an “adopted stray” and I am sure she is the one who gave the MC to the library. Elise doesn’t seem as bad.

Annalisa has no patience for Zya’s nonsense and also reminds her that she is the head of the family and that she wants the MC by her side. You rock Annalisa and I love you already! Zya backs down and Annalisa whisks is away to get ready for the ball.

Upstairs we meet Vasco, an older gentleman who seems to work for the family and is the last member of the household (at least for now) and we are presented with a magic mirror. Side note, I love this, becuase I have always had strong Snow White vibes from TRR and my MC Eleanor and the magic mirror just ads to that and I love it.

We learn that there are a few magical objects left in the world and that only the noble families posses them and that Queen Kendra has gifted this mirror to our house! We also learn the names of the other royal houses: Vescovi, Fierro, Beaumont, and Nevrakis. At some point I am going to sit down and figure out how they match up to the family’s of the Five Kingdoms and modern day Cordonia. So far the only consistent between the three Books is our beloved Nevrakis family.

So this magic item makes clothes appear out of nowhere (for diamonds of course), I guess this is what you do when you don’t have boutiques in every noble residence 😂. We get our first diamond dress option and it is the same one we were wearing in the dream at the beginning. TRR did this too, let us wear a dress in teh flashforward at the beginning of the book and then make us pay for it later. At least this time it is a dream. If we don’t like that dress, we are given a free black dress provided by Vasco.

The free dress is actually very nice. The diamond dress is too, but it is so close to Aster colours and that is the house I didn’t choose so that annoys me a little. But I do love the jewelled belt and I have always adored that shade of blue (it was the color of my bridesmaid dresses). Interesting, the free dress is very similar to Vasco’s outfit and I don’t think that is a coincidence. I ended up choosing the diamond dress for Livia and the free one for Viola.

After we choose our outfit, we talk a little bit with Annalisa and Vasco. Annalisa promises to free the MC from the drudgery of the library and we learn that our house is about to be announced as the newest noble house. Apparently our parents made lots of money and Annalisa has charmed the queen and the result is that we are being granted official status and the power and influence that goes with it.

We travel to the ball and then we are introduced to Queen Kendra, though we don’t realize that is who it is at first. Kendra is very friendly to the MC and they have a brief chat about art and then we are whisked inside because there are other nobles waiting to greet Kendra.

The MC eagerly eats some bread (because they are starving her at the library) and Annalisa generteases her about it, before departing to find a bed mate for the night. Between Annalisa and Hunter (as we will soon see), we get the impression that Cordonian court is very sexually liberal, which is awesome. I am putting PB on notice that I expect my MC to be able to indulge as well, no waiting a whole book for a kiss.

The MC heads to the food table (good plan) but is distracted by a gorgeous person in a sun mask who is being fawned over by noblewomen. However, despite their admirers, we are the one who catches their eye and we get the chance to choose their appearance (and gender, if you picked you are interested in both). I picked Asian male for Viola and white male for Livia. (Note- From this point on, I will be referring to them as male because both mine are).

This mysterious noble in the sun mask is the same one from our dream (we’ll potentially 😂) and he flirts with us, ignoring his fawning audience in favour of us and he asks us to dance, telling us to meet him on the dance floor at the beginning of the next song. But before we can, it is time to meet our next LI.

We have attracted the attention of a mysterious person in a moon mask, who seems to realize that we don’t belong. We get the chance to customize their appareance and I chose the black male for Viola and I chose the Hispanic/Mediterranean (I don’t know what race they are supposed to be) male for Livia. (note- Like with Hunter, from this point forward I will be referring to them as male).

He asks us for our invitation, but we deflect him and there is a chance for some flirting before he asks us to dance. We now choose who to dance with. Livia chooses to dance with the man in moon mask and Viola with the man in the sun mask.

Both men take being rejected well and then we begin dancing with our chosen partner. The conversation is similar but not the same. The man in the sun mask is smoother, more flirtatious while the man in the moon mask is a little more reserved, as if he is unaccustomed to this kind of thing. The man in the sun mask lifts the MC, while the man in the moon mask dips her.

I really like this scene and how it differs between the two men to accommodate their personalities, because it lets you get a feel for them. Both want to know who the MC is, but they approach it differently, with the man in the sun mask desperately curious and the man in the moon mask more suspicious/intrigued and more direct.

The dance ends and the man in the moon mask comments he still knows little about the MC, while their is a crowd ready to pounce on the man in the sun mask who is unwilling to let hte MC go just yet. Both men suggest that the MC join them on the balcony to continue their dance and we have our first diamond scene!

Again, the diamond scene is similar, but not identical. Again, the man in the sun mask is very comfortable and very charming, while the man in the moon mask is more reserved but very observant. In both cases, you dance and then the masked man tries to guess your identity. The man in the sun man guesses foreign noble (though if you tell him the truth, he is not surprised) while the man in the moon mask accurately guesses who you are. Then it is your chance to guess who he is, if you choose “noble from important house”, the man in the sun mask agrees and the man in the moon mask demurs, but both refuse to name their house, saying it changes how people see them.

The two of you admire the view from the balcony, his hand covering yours, and then it is time for you to remove your masks. Both men seem to be quite impressed by the MC’s appearance and in both cases, they are about to kiss her when they are interrupted by Vasco (who I am so suspicious of, dude is up to something).

Apparently, Annalissa is about to give the Queen the wrong invitation. So we say goodbye to our mystery man, though we do get a name. You can choose their name, though the defaults are Hunter and Kayden. I kept Hunter (becuase I am sure it is a nod to Dominic Hunter) but changed Kayden to Dante on both devices and will be referring to him as such.

We hurry to the throne room, but find two dead guards and get there just as an assassin plunges a knife into Queen Kendra! The Queen advises for us to flee with her dying breath and the assassin threatens us. The assassin reminds me of the shadows from TC&TF and that makes me wonder who sent them, a foreign power or someone within Cordonia? Right now, we have bigger worries, because our sweet sister is lying unconscious on the floor!

And end chapter one.

I thought this was a great start, it introduced the world and set the tone of one of glitz and glamour but also secrets and a darker side. I feel like that may be what this book is about, about everything that lurks Heath the glittering surface of court and I am here for it.

Also, visually this is such a beautiful book. The background, the characters, the gowns, everything is so beautiful. I love period pieces and I am already drawn into the world that they have built and I am so excited to be exploring this portion of Corodnian history!

[lordeasriel]

I agree Marcel definitely loves Marisa, but his methods are very different than hers in a lot of way (as their mother points out to him). Also, Marisa clearly seems to be Madame Delamare’s favorite. All of this leads me to believe that Marcel’s relationship with Marisa was very complicated. I suspect part of him loves and idolizes her, while another part kind of resents her. What are your thoughts?

Hey anon! I’ve been waiting for this question for a long time lmao This may get long, so I apologise in advance.

Personally, I would prefer they didn’t go for a rivalry relationship between because that’s too cliché in my opinion, but I also don’t believe they would be far too nice to each other. We don’t know why Marcel resents his mother, not precisely anyway, but I don’t believe it has much to do with Marisa; he clearly dislikes Binaud, and he resents the fact his mother had a relationship with him, but he doesn’t seem that distraught over not being the favorite child. Marisa is clearly the favourite, as expected, since she excels at anything she does, so that’s not a surprise. I believe if anything, Marcel resents Marisa over Lyra; he cares very little about Lyra, in fact, he is only after her because that’s his mother wish and he is just lowkey doing a job of finding her; he is angrier over the fact Olivier ran away from him than the fact he lost one of his ways to track his niece down; I think he resents the fact Marisa let go of everything in her life for something as trivial as an affair and Lyra, as he seems to knows she vanished in search/because of Lyra.

But I do believe they do things in a very similar way; they’re no equals, of course, I think Marisa is more ruthless than he is while he is more cautious and calculating. She aimed for more immediate results while he doesn’t care about waiting to get what he wants or need; he slowly stripped away Lyra’s defenses, while Marisa (supposedly, of course, but this is my headcanon for life) arrested Asriel one day and the next she was at Jordan friendly kidnapping Lyra. Of course, this difference comes down not only to their personality, but also their gender; Marisa was in a much less impressive position, first trying to get power through marriage, then through the Oblation Board, but she was never actively part of the Church, in fact, Asriel even states in Northern Lights that the Church could disavow the project whenever they saw fit to spare themselves from the shame. She had no stability, and she never would have because as a woman, her place in the Church would always be of lower reward. Now, Marcel is the head of La Maison Juste, an old institution that basically is responsible to indoctrinate people as modern times come. He probably climbed the power ladder, and he could easily have become a priest, if he wanted to (like MacPhail was and he was director of the CCD, the top institution of the Church), but he chose something else. He still is very prestigious, to the point we see him as an influence during the Big Baddie Gathering in TSC, but he chose a more complicated route to follow, and even then he still had an easier time than his sister. Marisa could have stayed away because, unlike her, Marcel probably began his career earlier since he didn’t have to try a power-grab through marriage like she did, meaning that if she used her name or let her heritage be known, everything she worked for would have been credit to his career somehow, binding her to his success - and vice-versa, as he remains unscathed by her affair, somehow or at least it looks like it.

There is also the fact I believe they were very different people, personality wise. Marisa is a social creature; vain, a bit arrogant, and almost surgical in her attempts to be a part of society as whole. She tries to fit everywhere and succeeds; socialites, aritocracy, scholars and church members. Marcel is good at pretending he is a social creature, as he clearly is always thinking something else during his interactions, plus his lack of marriage or any relationships outside of his sick, weird mother and his “co-workers”. The narrator evens states he doesn’t even have a mistress, which for his age he should have one (narrator’s words, not mine) and I’ve said this before, I think this is just meant to show he is devoted to whatever his cause is. Whenever he talks to Olivier it is as if he is in pain, and honestly, can relate cause Olivier is annoying, but this extends to almost everyone he dislikes, which is essentially everyone he talks to in the books lol I believe Marisa was one of the few people he didn’t frown upon when he spoke, at least for the first ten minutes, mostly because they would understand each other, just not on a deeper level. They would probably throw off sparks at each other during dinner, maybe, and then not talk for fifteen days.

Marisa is also very sciencey, very precise; she was a Scholar after all, while Marcel doesn’t strike me as a textbook kind of guy. He is intelligent on a more dilligent level and he is more inclined to take advantage of experience over sitting down and examining numbers. Marisa would’ve taken the rose oil herself and put it under a microscope and studied it thoroughly, while Marcel is content to just hire some smuggler to give him common sense intel, as well as experience since the dude used it.

However, despite all their differences, I believe they have similar methods to life in general; they’re schemers, charmers. They know how to intimidate and sweet talk people into doing their wishes; he benefits with the privelege of being a man in a position of power, not unlike Asriel, so his voice is heard without much disturbance while his sister would have to try harder, but she would get things done eventually, as she was a master manipulator. Marisa was clearly more intent on using her beauty and sexual favours as a tool, while Marcel not so much, although now I imagined him trading sexual favours to get things done and I regret it lmao

I like to think they had a balanced relationship of mutual respect, but also a bit of resentment on both sides, not because of the favouritism thing because, and this is my personal opinion, after all of this, it’s hard to see it mattering much. Marcel was the one with best chances to suceed, and Marisa resented that because his career was easier than hers, for sure; and he resented her because she made poor choices, she was too passionate and intense, and that didn’t just ruin her (professionally, at least) but it could’ve ruined everything he had built as well. Marisa also had a spark for her personality that he could never mimic, and that opened unique doors for her that he would have to break open.

Sorry for this essay! lmao

[simmonslex]

╰ ♡  MUSE 38, TATI GABRIELLE, DEMIGIRL ┊ have you seen ALEXANDRA "LEX" SIMMONS around hillston? the 24 year old is said to be a GAS STATION CASHIER. the neighbours would say that they’re DISORGANIZED and  SNARKY, but they’re actually DETERMINED and CARING. SHE often reminds people of worn out combat boots, parties stretching through the night into the morning & bitter coffee laden with sugar and creamer. watch out, though. you wouldn’t believe that SHE MET HER BIRTH MOTHER AND HAS BEEN SENDING HER MONEY.

stats. pinterest. google doc.

full name:  alexandra katherine simmons nicknames: lex, lexi, alex age: twenty-four gender identity: demi-girl pronouns: she/they birthday: march 17 @ 9:19am sun sign: pisces moon sign: pisces ascendant sign: aries

trivia.

is toying with the idea of going back to school --- not because she really wants to, but because she knows it’s what her parents want for her. and for all that she isn’t willing to give up her bad habits for them, she would destroy herself to make them proud. 

discovered that she identifies as non-binary while at a pride party turned bender, it was something that she immediately accepted but it wasn’t something that she’s never felt the need to declare on a widescale basis. most people outside of her family don’t know and that’s the way that she wants it. 

works at a 7-11 on the edge of town, can usually be found either standing behind the counter with a slurpee in hand or behind the store taking one of her way too frequent smoke breaks. 

attends AA meetings and has a sponsor despite her lack of resolution to remain sober, using their support to keep from slipping too far off the path while still completely cheating --- has no qualms about gathering chips that she hasn’t earned because as she sees it this is still an improvement. 

backstory.

  [ tw alcoholism / drug use / violent crime ]

born to parents who had recently lost their jobs, alexandra was six months old when she was pulled into the system after her father was busted for armed robbery. it took another five years for her mother to agree to an adoption, the young child watching repeatedly as her mother struggled to keep custody of her. the day that she met the simmons family was far from picturesque, the six year old lashing out at the people that she believed were responsible for taking her away from the only person that she knew with certainty had loved her. 

happily ever after seemed to come after a year, though their parents made the decision to keep lex in therapy, just in case. slowly but surely, she adjusted to her siblings and to the constant moving that the family did and she found happiness in the chaos. maybe that’s where it all started to go wrong, but nobody saw it yet.

she was fifteen when she smoked for the first time, a blunt raised to her lips by a boy that she barely knew but was certain that she loved. everything seemed to crumble from there, in hindsight at least ---- the truth is more complex than that. the truth is, that while alexandra continued to seek out the party scene at every new school, and continued to fall into all of the wrong crowds, it was the stress of college that broke the metaphorical camel’s back. 

college seemed like a dream come true --- finally somewhere that she could grow roots and study what she loved ( music ) and with legendary parties to top it all off. lex found herself growing oddly optimistic, powering through her courses with the help of caffeine and other substances. and then the end of the third year arrived, bringing with it the stress of exams and the allure of four months of parties and the ever present knowledge that she was going to graduate next year. and she slipped, descending further into the blooming addiction and subsequently disappearing.

her family caught up with her two weeks after her senior year would have started, nearly five months after they filed a missing persons report. she smelled of sweat and cigarettes and booze; there was glitter engrained in her hair and skin, sparkling across what appeared to be bloodstains. and yet, even at this new, all-too-visible rock bottom she was smiling. the next day she disappeared into the night again, beginning a cycle of hurt and defiance that would continue for eighteen months. 

lex didn’t choose rehab and she doesn’t believe that it chose her --- rather a judge declared that as this was a first offence, she should attend a 90-day inpatient treatment and get clean. she did, though even now she refuses to admit that she has a problem, struggles to put in the work that keeping entirely clean requires --- instead she hides it away from her family, sneaking hits and sips and smokes and pretending that they don’t know what’s going on. 

connections.

platonic.

don’t want no one to come rescue me. [ open to all genders ]

mentor / sponsor. open to multiple interpretations of this but; they are bonded by the fact that they serve as an inspiration for lex --- they’re someone outside of the family that she feels comfortable turning to for guidance and in truth, they probably know more about what is going on in her life then half of her family at any given time. they encourage her to be better and even though she doesn’t always listen in the way that they hope, it is leading her in the right direction. as for what they get out of the relationship, that’s up for discussion. 

am i kidding myself blaming somebody else. [ open to all genders, multiple slots ]

awkward friends. lex surrounds herself with tall walls, to stop her from being vulnerable --- and anyone who tries to get to know her on a deeper level is at serious risk of snark. she will and has doubtlessly lashed out at people, before awkwardly acknowledging that it wasn’t fair for her to do so ( if she addresses it at all and that’s a 50/50 chance ). friendships can only survive so much, especially when they aren’t that strong in the first place, so they’re almost certainly awkward around each other. 

champagne thoughts running through my head. [ open to all genders, multiple slots  ]

party friends / bad influences. you would think that someone who’s trying to get quasi-sober would be avoiding the party scene and yet, lex can’t help but fall into bad habits. making new friends has never been easy, but it’s a lot easier when everyone is having a drink ( or more ); even if the harsh reality is they likely never talk outside of the parties they see each other at. sharing hangovers and hangover tips has always been easier for lex than sharing secrets. 

inimical. 

you’re not forgiven for what you did. [ open to all genders ] 

frenemies. somehow lex did this person wrong, and yet because of mutual friends there’s a silent agreement of civility. that doesn’t stop them from exchanging jabs and glares when nobody is watching however, lex slipping into both roles equally well. they’re frequently annoyed with the other for seemingly no reason but whenever anyone asks, they just wave it away with a smile. 

you left me scored - i drew the five of swords. [ open to all genders, multiple slots ] 

unaware enemies. at some point lex perceived them ( or people that look like them ) as having been rude --- or maybe your character ( or their doppleganger ) threw a fit because the station was out of something, but it’s stuck with lex beyond what it should have. she’ll acknowledge them but they receive harsher treatment from her than others, she’s abrupt and rude and obviously careless. there’s a lack of respect that doesn’t line up with the reality of the incident. 

[catflowerqueen]

I have a few headcanons about Caliborn and Calliope’s parents—possibly (almost certainly) bordering on OC territory, but, then again, it isn’t as if we really knew that much about them in the first place—especially in regards to what their siblings were like before predomination. And its really the siblings which are the focus of this post.

When I (hopefully) eventually get to write out my expanded “Stars, Not Constellations” universe (and the main story itself), they are going to be important characters—or at least, alternate timeline versions of them will be. They will also find out about what happened to their canon!selves, and one of them is going to share some interesting insights about why they believe things went down the way they did as far as predomination goes via extrapolating on their current situation and feelings.

 Namely, Calamity’s (the canon name for the cherub twins’ mother) sibling lost intentionally, and sees her sister’s predomination as her own ultimate victory. Why is that, exactly? Essentially, it boils down to something Aranea (for all that she’s an unreliable narrator) said about what cherubs look for in a mate. In regards to Calamity, “the day of her predomin8tion was in a sense the day her 8rother died. And though it was to her 8enefit and personal growth, 8ecause of this loss she would always live with a sense that something was missing. Every sexually mature cheru8 lives with this feeling. It drives them to seek out another cheru8 similar to the half they lost, the part of their 8eing which they grew up in perpetual conflict with. The desire to travel the universe in hopes of reigniting that conflict is very important to their species.”

Calamity was looking for someone who could spark the same type of struggle and strife that she felt for her sibling—meaning that this is something she lost in predomination. And her sister knew this would happen (and, yes, I’m saying that sibling was a sister—as I already said, Aranea is a very unreliable narrator. She is working off of assumptions—and given some things that Calliope revealed about gender and how cherubs approach the subject in the Epilogues, she clearly got some things wrong. And while I’m not going to be using most things from the epilogues since I already had many of these ideas firmly in mind since the start of the Omegapause, that doesn’t mean that I can’t pick and choose the things that I find useful from it).

 Her sister knew that she would always be Calamity’s ultimate rival, and Calamity would always be hers. If she died, Calamity would never, ever find someone who could replace her, and spark the same feelings—and that’s exactly why she let Calamity win. She gets the last laugh, because Calamity will never, ever be truly at peace with her gone, which means that she is effectively still ruining her life from beyond the grave without having to actually worry or struggle with the actual “maintenance of a body and the struggle to stay alive” part. And she never has to go through the ache of losing a sibling and having that gaping missing piece. She decided her own win conditions and had them met—which, as another added bonus—means that Calamity couldn’t even get the brief joy of “winning,” since she really didn’t—her sibling was the one who chose to lose without struggle, and probably spent her last turn in their shared body composing a note of some sort to lay out her intentions and explanations.

 Of course, neither of their alt!selves are going to know for sure what happened, but since these were the sorts of things that Calamity’s sibling was planning before circumstances were changed and they were made aware of the canon timeline in the first place, it’s pretty easy to speculate what happened. Nature vs. nurture notwithstanding.

 And that entire situation is actually one of the main reason’s that Caliborn and Callipe’s father infuriated Calamity enough that she sought him as a mate, since he had sort of a weird situation going on with him, too. Namely that he was, essentially, a cherub mutant and didn’t have a sibling—he was always the only one in his body. Which infuriated him in a whole different way, since his biology/other… sources he may have come across was telling him that there should be some sort of internal struggle going on—yet he felt nothing. And maybe at first he would have assumed that he was getting the silent treatment, and been angry that his sibling was refusing to fight… but it would have become fairly obvious that there was no one else there in the first place. And given that Caliborn desired things like praise and acknowledgement from others even as he hated them… this would have been something that his father craved too, and was denied.

 And it is his perceived lack of struggling in that aspect that drove Calamity mad for him. Her own feelings for her sister were complicated, but she would be insanely furious and jealous of the fact that he would never have to deal with them and never knew the deep, aching pain of missing a sibling. Meanwhile, he would have been incredibly jealous of the fact that she actually got to have a sibling for a time, and got to struggle and win while he was denied that. He can’t claim predomination as an accomplishment when it never happened to him.

 This, surprisingly (or maybe not) means that his alt!self might actually a bit more mellow about things in general, since he actually has outlets and things to take out his frustration on, in addition to having more information and insights to work off of than his canon counterpart did.

 Incidentally, Calamity’s sister kind of unnerves him (and most everyone but Calamity, really), so he kind of gets where she was coming from in canon, and is kind of glad that he doesn’t actually have to deal with anything like that.

 Other cherub headcanons are that there is, actually, a sort of cherub “home planet�� that both Calamity and her mate hatched on—but they were either far enough apart physically or hatched at disparate enough times that they never encountered each other before adulthood. The reason that they could both hatch on the same planet without having to worry about red giant implosion/energy sources after maturation had to do with weird first guardian/green sun power shenanigans—and the reason the twins’ dad couldn’t go back there to lay their egg had to do with similar shenanigans. Basically, it became a similar situation to Alternia—no adults were allowed on-planet. Once you left, that was it—you could never go back. So eventually it stopped being a viable breeding ground since… well… no one could land there to actually lay eggs. Calamity and her mate’s eggs ended up there via unconventional (yet not, considering some of the other shenanigans we’ve seen in the comic) means, but after they left and couldn’t return, their dad chose the particular black hole mentioned in the comic as the ideal dueling spot because it was the one that felt most similar to the energies of his home planet—either that, or it just happened to be the closest black hole to that particular planet. (which is another case of Aranea being an unreliable narrator—which she is, even though this particular instance was probably not one Hussie intended. But that’s why it’s a headcanon)

 And the last headcanon I have is that, in addition to the mutation which makes a cherub a singleton within its body, there’s also one which allows for more than two souls to be present in a body, leading to instances of, say, triplets.

 …and there are probably also cases of legitimate twins being born—i.e., two cherub bodies being hatched from one egg, each with their own dual personalities, but that isn’t quite the same situation—though it might lead to some more interesting insights into cherub psychology and the ways in which Aranea is an unreliable narrator about it.

 For that matter, Calliope is also an unreliable narrator about it, since she didn’t have a typical cherub childhood either. After all, a cherub could only find itself in her situation—what with being chained to a wall and confined to a single room the way she and Caliborn were—if there was outside influence. And while it is entirely possible—and likely—that she or Calibron would have found a lot of the stuff they had through natural scavenging of their environment, the fact of the matter is that everything they had was placed there deliberately. Nature and nurture are equally important, and their nurturing was pretty tailored.

[anth-seeing2019]

Pl34SUR3S

While working, I chose not to intervene with Christian institutions in lower-income or underprivileged areas. A lot of learning has resulted from this project as it has been conducted. Out of that knowledge, I’ve generated newfound respect; not just of people’s faith, but of the community that surrounds these institutions and its function as a still-beating-heart within Cincinnatian gentrification. Out of respect, I set one hard restriction within the parameters of this project. 

Goal: Discussion and action towards sex education reform in public schools by challenging one of its biggest stakeholders, religion.

Topic: Sex Censorship

Audience: Institutions and congregations of the Christian faith (primarily in well-functioning districts) 

Disruption: Public Art/ Performance and documentation of blow-up doll No.2 (Betty) juxtaposed with religious institutions

By investigating how religion, Catholicism, in particular, has cultivated an air of taboo around sex, this project urges its faculties to reconsider their quasi-archaic conventions through public art disruption and discourse. The end goal of this project is to advocate for sexual education reform in public schools through the implementation of a blow-up doll. This project proposes that if you can have a dialogue about sex in church congregations, then it shouldn’t be unreasonable to have the same dialogue in schools; opening up discussion more freely and unburdening awkwardness.

This project comes down to the fundamental battle and restraints that pro creationism has perpetrated over the years and how institutions such as the Vatican, prevent progressive social reform from ever being discussed; preventing access by censoring or ignoring the topic through various loopholes/misdirection. For instance, catholic families can omit their children from participating in sex-ed classes entirely by writing a note.

On Catholicism and Religion & History

It’s a widely accepted faith with a lot of history and influence. So, when we think of the very beginnings of civilization, procreation was necessary for safety in numbers, working offspring, food gathering, and innovation. Since language was invented, procreation as been one of the binding values that belief systems, governments, and institutions all share.

Catholicism used it as a way to create more followers (I mean this in a sincere way) and keep family members united; which is a good thing…until you get to the 21st century. “In the past decade alone, online dating has had probably the biggest single impact on our sexual lives. Websites and apps designed to facilitate sex and romance are everywhere”. This isn’t to say that Catholicism is inherently bad; in fact, it’s done a lot of good: inspiring goodwill, charity, faith, and rules that keep people from harming others. The problem with the way that religion perpetrates procreation now is that any partner-seeking individual within a congregation is expected to keep up with orthodox. The unfortunate, but true fact is that many members of the Catholic faith don’t follow these restrictions. Forced into secrecy, this then creates even more problems. Catholic women are 5X more likely to have an abortion in unsanitary conditions, often resulting in permanent damage to their reproductive organs.

By implementing a blow-up doll, I was able to stage a disruption that facilitated immediate dialogue. I armed myself with facts, statistics, and my mantra-my reason for interrupting their form of seeing-“IF you can talk about sex in church, then you can talk about sex in schools”, which was my way of simplifying advocacy for sex-education reform in public schools. What I’m advocating for in particular is more transparency and access to intermittent sex-ed courses and the inclusion of gender and sexuality studies. Sex-education is treated as a one-and-done course; with the majority of public schools only making it mandatory for a quarter portion of school year studies. Sex-education should be taught repeatedly and intermittently. Teenage and adolescent bodies change drastically throughout cursory education. These physical and emotional changes should be addressed chronologically in tangent with lessons on sexuality and gender; garnering an understanding of attraction, cross-gender, and sexual preference, would generate acceptance of the self and surrounding classmates. This would generate lifelong learning and positive habits for understanding diversity both in school and in alternative environments.

Why a Blow-up Doll? 

I chose a blow-up doll for this project because of these points which ascribe its relevance and activation as a device for disruption in this case :

Blow-up dolls were popularized by men and have a historical prevalence of sex. Primordial versions date as far back as Greek Mythology: The story of Pygmalion which was eventually turned into a play by George Bernard Shaw [of the same name].

Females are heavily scrutinized and overlooked in the Bible. In fact, Wikipedia’s list of biblical female names used in the Bible says “This list contains persons named in the Bible of minor notability, about whom either nothing or very little is known, aside from any family connections.”Blow dolls throughout history consistently depict a female form [which is what I am]Contemporary, radical feminism has been facilitated by females and the female form has been viewed as a vessel for change; which I think authenticates its existence. Many of today’s hot debates are centered around female rights, pro-choice, women’s health, etc., all of which Catholicism plays a major stakeholder in and against. (This reason most of all, I enjoy because it forces femininity into the banal foreground; gloriously nude and proud). It’s symbolic of modernity, change, and acceptance. Finally, blow-up dolls are hilarious and brutally forward. They are indexical of sex in private quarters, but questionable in public forum. Something as puzzling as a ‘rogue blow-up doll’ incites query automatically.  

In Action: The Disruption

First attempts at launching Blow-up doll worked in provisional trials but not by simply filling the doll with helium [blow-up dolls made from PVC cannot simply be filled with helium and float. Buoyancy rates when using helium rise and fall according to the material and surface area]. I had to resort to using multiple balloons, fishing wire, stock helium, and strategic timing which made the project far more foreign when just starting out. Using the balloons and floating a blow-up doll A) happens far too quickly to time intervention with congregation B) requires a larger strike force of people that I didn’t have C) Any rogue wind would result in misdirection of the doll and instigate a search and rescue mission. Floating the doll was canceled after rogue winds caused the doll to come in contact with the steeple of the church; popping balloons and dislodging harness from doll resulting in minor panic from bystanders [and also getting chased off church property]. The doll hit the cross adornment at the top of the steeple of the church and fell, as made barely visible in the photograph.

 Parameters

A lot of learning has resulted from this project as it has been conducted. Out of that knowledge, I’ve generated newfound respect; not just of people’s faith, but of the community that surrounds these institutions and its function as a still-beating-heart within Cincinnatian gentrification. Out of respect, I set one hard restriction within the parameters of this project. While working, I chose not to intervene with Christian institutions in lower-income or underprivileged areas. Out of respect for the community, I chose not to intervene with these buildings because of their role in lower-income areas as not only a place of worship, but a place for community gatherings, faith, outreach, charity, and goodwill. Many of these areas don’t have places for community outreach except for places of worship. Latoya Ruber Frasier’s work calls for awareness of gentrification in the Braddock area of Pittsburgh. Similarly, she notes that factions of a dilapidated community infrastructure often cling to a building, area, or meeting place that serves as the community’s only existing place of refuge. In the series, Campaign for Braddock Hospital (Save Our Community Hospital) (2011), Frazier curates a series of photographs with written recountments and repurposed advertisements from competing industrial investors; those who were wanting to purchase the hospital. This series shows the hopeless, last stand of a community fighting for the essence of their existence to remain intact. Intervening in these areas with this disruption practice would make people less likely to talk or even feel motivated to discuss sex-ed reform. I wanted people to be able to laugh at the end of conversations; not feel disenfranchised, violated, or looked down upon more. All of these concerns tie in with the “Stranger with a Camera” screening which discussed how an outsider’s objective of intervening within an environment can potentially belittle it further and put the outsider in a dangerous position. 

Intervention/Disruption

Once the blow-up doll was in position, people came to me quickly. Initial rage was common amongst the conversations I had. Typically, people were outraged and would begin conversations by questioning who was responsible. In the Videos presented in class, every incident is represented/documented by an intervening photographer. Specifically, I think that the work intervenes on a level that could be considered risky’. Not only is it an intervention of visual culture, but it has the potential to disrupt critical cultural values in a specified area or group. For these interventions, caution is a must, but also the consideration of values that are being devalued.  Interestingly enough, most of these people never actually saw me placing the doll in position. They were making assumptions based on prejudice; unrealistic expectations to lead them to the perpetrator of the incident or placing blame on me automatically based on proximity and associative stigma. This is where another reading comes into play. Karen Strassler, Refracted Visions, photographer as a ‘witness to history’ and the expectations of photographers as inherent record keepers. Where this intervention documents a specific disruption, the members of the congregation wish to omit this type of history from ever taking place. 

Interviews

Once Initial reactions transpired and commonalities exchanged, I had questions I would give:

-Can you explain why this makes you upset?

-Why isn’t sex talked about in church and why do people pull their children out of sexed classes in school? Do you think this is beneficial to them in the long run, why/why not?

-If sex-ed was reformed, would you allow your children to attend?

-What do you think about the dismissal and coverups of sexual predators within the institution? 

-Do you see similarities between priest defilement and sex aversion in Catholicism? If yes, what needs to change? If no, are you aware of either issue? 

-I miss participating in Catholic ceremonies, mass, and the sacraments, but I feel that the infrastructure is wildly corrupt. The priest I grew up listening to for 18 years was accused of sexual assault. I now consider myself a pansexual. How could I ever return to this faith and why aren’t many of these men serving crime in person? 

-Do you agree with sex-ed reform in public schools to include more, intermittent classwork and development? Would you condone gender and sexuality studies in this class? 

-Do you think the Catholic Church will ever consider reformation for the inclusion of more progressive practices, inclusion, and accommodations that meet modern advancements? 

Works Cited

Frazier, Latoya  Ruby. Campaign for Braddock Hospital . Pittsburgh, 2011.

Garland-Thomson, Rosemarie. Staring: How We Look. Oxford University Press, 2015.

“List of Women in the Bible.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 3 Dec. 2019, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_women_in_the_Bible.

Strassler, Karen. Refracted Visions: Popular Photography and National Modernity in Java. Duke Univ. Press, 2010.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Riot Fest Sucks

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Riot Fest Sucks. It’s a tongue-in-cheek phrase that occupies multiple meanings and connotations, referencing the organizer’s self-deprecating recognition that they’re not gonna make everyone happy with the lineup and scheduling conflicts. It’s the name of a Goose Island Beer Co. pale ale made for the Fest, at times served lukewarm, its $10 price tag a symptom of a somewhat pretend punk festival bombarded by corporate sponsors whose presence fails to belie the lack of close, cheap parking, credit card lines, and functioning ATMs. Oh, and Riot Fest Sucks because hours into it my girlfriend sprained her ankle exiting the Vans popup experience down the 20-foot fire pole with no soft landing. So unlike previous years, this year, I left after a couple sets on Friday.

I won’t get there yet--first things first, Caroline Rose. When I walked up to her stage and heard Natalie Prass playing on the loudspeaker, I thought what I initially did upon first seeing Rose’s name in small print on the lineup poster: “Why not Pitchfork?” But as soon as her band gradually came out--first "nicest legs in the band” drummer Will Morse, then “handsome and single” bassist Mike Dondero, then “best friend” Abbie Morin--and started playing a surf rock melody as Rose entered, it was clear that her unique mix of electro pop and retro rock--not to mention her early folk and country material--had her suited for a festival that embraces classic sounds. They began with new song “Everybody’s Making Out”, potentially from the new album she just finished, and then “Cry!”, the band providing a plinky breakdown to the LONER standout. Rose alternated between genuinely appreciative of a fairly large crowd coming out early on a Friday to hear some upbeat but sad songs, and being playful and goofy--essentially conducting the band with her feet while playing keys on another new spacey synth pop song, all before noticing the camera and posing as if she was in a photoshoot. Her joking fit the sarcasm of songs like “Money”, which was interrupted by Rose chugging a 312 and barely smashing the can on her head and then playing Aerosmith’s “Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” on kazoo. Rose is as fun at a festival as she is forlorn on record.

But then the incident happened. I listened to a remarkably nonstop and consistent Hot Snakes set through the medical tent next to the stage as my girlfriend iced her foot, leaving for urgent care right as Neck Deep’s catchy but juvenile pop punk began, not to return until mid way through Turnstile on Saturday. Thankfully, we were able to rent a wheelchair for the next couple days. Navigating the grounds with a wheelchair was a challenge, parking for free on Roosevelt before going through the grass of Douglas Park and the various street curbs separating the Ferris Wheel and the Rebel Stage from the main area. For what it’s worth, save for a couple unsavory comments (“You’ve got him trained well!”), most people were extremely aware and respectful, moving out of the way when necessary, and even helping us out of the mud. We chose not to get ADA access next to the sound stage until Sunday, partially because we were unaware of the possibility, but also because we wanted to be with friends and in the crowd. And from my brief experience, Riot Fest and its attendees walked the walk as much as they talk the talk about acceptance and zero tolerance for discrimination against differently abled bodies.

Speaking of Turnstile, what I saw from them was a perfect mix of rap rock, hardcore, and nu metal, favoring songs from last year’s Time & Space like “Generator”, short ditty “Bomb”, and standout “Moon”, the last played twice, once regularly and once a capella by vocalist Brendan Yates to close the set. It was much more inventive and progressive than the band who commenced immediately afterward, nonetheless Riot Fest staple Gwar. This time around, most of Gwar’s set surprisingly focused on the generic thrash music, not as many antics, just costumed men playing and spraying blood willy nilly as opposed to as part of a plot. (Except when they killed Donald Trump--that was great.) It’s not Riot Fest without Gwar, but at this point, their sick jokes and edgelord humor is appealing mostly to dudes like the one in the Joe Rogan 2020 shirt I saw leaving the set.

We then traveled to the secluded Rebel stage to catch supergroup The Damned Things, who thankfully came on late, since on the way we got caught up in one of many “What happened?!?” conversations with a friend. The band first formed in 2010 to release their debut album Ironiclast, then consisting of Joe Trohman and Andy Hurley of Fall Out Boy, Scott Ian and Rob Caggiano of Anthrax, and Keith Buckley and Josh Newton of Every Time I Die. Nine years later, they’ve released their second album High Crimes, and this time around, Caggiano and Newton have left, and in has come Alkaline Trio’s Dan Andriano. At Riot Fest, they played half songs from the first record, half from the new one, including the first four tracks of the latter, which showcase equally what The Damned Things do well and where they fall into the traps of MOR rock. “Cells” is more raw than you’d expect from a band with FOB and Alkaline Trio members, both on record and live, and is a surprisingly great introductory song to the album. The other songs they played from High Crimes, including cheesy cheerleader chanting “Something Good” and “Omen”, whose lead riff can’t decide whether it rips off Tame Impala’s “Elephant” or Muse’s “Uprising”, could have been ditched in favor of record standouts like “Carry a Brick” or “Young Hearts”. The former combines the vocal urgency from Buckley that we’re used to with ETID, with Anthrax-worthy thrash metal, while the latter (along with the record’s centerpiece “Storm Charmer”) interpolate a menacing blues rock stomp that could have been emphasized over the pop punk sheen of the Fest. Not to mention “Let Me Be (Your Girl)”, whose music is straightforward but whose lyrics feature gender inversion when assumed sung from the perspective of the lead singer. I left enjoying the set but wishing they had played for longer so I could hear the deeper cuts.

Album score: 6.3/10

Of course, the scheduling gods put Testament, also known as “if Metallica was still good,” during The Damned Things, so we had time for just a bathroom break before catching The Struts. In case you’ve never heard of them, The Struts are English glam rockers, fronted by a man who wears a shirt with batwing sleeves, who fancy themselves the lovechild of Queen and Def Leppard but end up falling closer to someone like The Darkness--which is not a bad thing! Their second album Young & Dangerous is catchy and somewhat undeniable, and the band’s fanbase came out to support them at Riot Fest, British flag in tow. It was probably the crowd’s enthusiasm that fed off lead singer Luke Spiller that made the set infectious; “If you’re not ready to dance and sing, then you might as well fuck off,” he proudly proclaimed, a nice, clear contrast to drummer Rafe Thomas oozing out the words “Hello Chicago” in the most droll voice possible. Sure, the lyrics “I bet your body’s so sweet” are even more cringey in 2019 than they would have been in the 70′s and 80′s, and the “instructing the crowd to get down to the ground” maneuver is pretty tired, but it was refreshing to see a band so unabashedly and unironically unashamed of their influences. “Don't wanna live as an untold story / Rather go out in a blaze of glory,” Spiller sang on the opening lines of “Could Have Been Me”, and upon ending the song, he instructed the crowd: “Ladies and gentlemen, remember our names!” It felt like a scene from a movie, and I couldn’t help but think that such cinematic flair is exactly what the band is going for.

I had time to catch a little bit of underrated electro pop band Pvris and pick up an Orange Wit from All Rise Brewing Co (another Riot Fest staple whose most popular beer has actually improved over the years) before catching Wu-Tang Clan, almost by default. The legendary group seems to be Riot Fest’s token hip hop booking every other year, and so I’ve seen them play Enter the 36 Chambers about 36 times. They ended up doing it again even though not billed to do a complete album set, but was I really going to see Rise Against, Manchester Orchestra, or Andrew W.K. over some of the greatest artists, let alone the greatest hip hop collective, of all time? I’ll take time number 37.

Then came what I knew was going to be the most difficult decision of the weekend, and one I kept thinking about even after it was made. Thrash metal titans Slayer were playing their final Chicago area show at Riot Fest, and their other supposed farewell show I saw last year was phenomenal. Then again, who am I to believe that this would be the time Slayer would finally stop cashing it in and retire? Instead, I opted to see something I very likely would not see again: Bloc Party playing their 2005 debut Silent Alarm in full. Based on how surprisingly great their Lollapalooza 2016 set was, I was eager to hear a set filled with, uh, only good songs, and the idea of the first sounds of the set being the echo of the opening drums to “Like Eating Glass” traversing through the crowd, was one that supplied me with a rare kind of glee. So when the band came out donning masks, launching into the album’s slow final song “Compliments”, I realized that what I initially heard as speculation--that they would be playing the record in reverse--would be true. There went my dream. The sounds and images of fire coming from Slayer’s stage filled me with regret.

But as the set went on, I realized that the choice was one that was both strategic on the part of the band, making the crowd stay to hear favorites like “Banquet”, and beneficial to the crowd. Each song was more energetic and frankly better than the previous one, from the sweet dancefloor melancholy of “This Modern Love” to the stop-starts of “Positive Tension” and “Helicopter”. Of course, “Like Eating Glass” proved to be a worthy singalong, everyone around me air drumming like nobody was watching. And I even got to see Slayer close with “Angel of Death” on the way out!

With one full day of Riot Fest finally in the books and surprisingly sore from navigating a wheelchair over patches of grass, mud, and curbs, I was thankful that the first batch of sets we were interested in seeing on Sunday was at the same stage, where I could grab beer and food and come back, and we could switch off between the grass and the ADA stage (which, awesomely, had free water). Arriving to hear the end of wildly cool and catchy Chicago post-punk band Ganser, we sat and waited for Nick Lowe with Los Straitjackets (and watched a different kind of “jacket” swarm unfortunate members of the crowd who mistakenly wore too much cologne). With the masked instrumental rockers (another band with masks?!?), two years ago Lowe released an album of instrumental versions of some of his best songs, so I was curious to hear how they would fare as his backing band. They got a slowed down “So It Goes” out of the way, as if to say to casual fans in the crowd, “I dare you to leave,” before burning through a variety of early era Lowe classics like “Without Love”, given a country spin by the band. The band delivered a mid-set instrumental performance as Lowe took a break, showing their guitar chops and stop-on-a-dime dynamism, before Lowe came back for “Half a Boy and Half a Man” and the other song everybody was waiting for, “Cruel To Be Kind”. Before playing set closer “Heart of the City”, Lowe said to the crowd, “Thank you, music lovers!” the quintessential statement from a true “music critic’s band,” but one with the pop songwriting talent to reach beyond.

I took the one-two punch of the “Save a lollipop, suck a dick” t-shirt and the tardiness and subsequent flatness of The Village People’s set as a sign that I should leave and walk by Less Than Jake opening their set with Back to the Future music, be mad again at the scheduling gods for putting the amazing-sounding Ride at the opposite end of the park from where Guided By Voices was about to play, and grab some delicious Harold’s Chicken for myself and unfortunately protein-lacking pad thai for my girlfriend. But there’s nothing like GBV to fix a less-than-ideal situation or improve an already good one. “How do you follow The Village People?” Robert Pollard hypothetically asked as the band went on. “With the village idiots!” With even less time to play than they had at Summerfest, GBV churned out practically all hits, starting with their usual set closer “Glad Girls” and revealing a barrage of known live gems--“Cut-Out Witch”, “Motor Away”, “The Best of Jill Hives”--and some they haven’t played in a while, like Isolation Drills’ “should have been a hit” “Chasing Heather Crazy” and “Echos Myron” prelude “Yours to Keep”, during which a crowd member actually blew a whistle when Pollard sang, “the whistle blows.” The latter was part of the band’s Bee Thousand finale, giving a crowd of casual fans exactly what they wanted and pleasing diehards no matter what.

Deciding to forego sprinting and catching any of Against Me!’s full albums (two of them!) set or Dave Hause & The Mermaid, I planted myself in a spot where I could see Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson’s beehives. The B-52′s followed a recipe for success in their set, leading off with track one of their debut, placing one hit early (“Private Idaho”), segueing a couple more from their debut into “Roam”, saving the two you knew they were gonna save for last. (Though I didn’t know they’d introduce “Love Shack” with War’s “Low Rider”.) The band was appropriately absurd and silly, frontman Fred Schneider’s sprechgesang adding hilarity to his response to Pierson’s “Something’s on fire in that pizza joint!” (“That’s my dinner!” he responded.) After the band ended with “Rock Lobster”, Pierson broke character and said two very serious things: 1) “Please vote!” and 2) “Go see Patti!”

And Patti Smith we did see, in all her glory. Her voice was as strong as ever on “People Have The Power”, “Dancing Barefoot”, “Free Money”, “Because the Night”, and “Gloria”. Unfortunately, almost half of her set was covers: “Are You Experienced?”, The Rolling Stones’ “I’m Free”, “Walk on the Wild Side”, “After the Gold Rush”, and for some reason, Midnight Oil’s “Beds Are Burning”. I would rather have heard something from her excellent later career albums like 2012′s Banga.

Hey, but she got a tribute during The Raconteurs’ set, as they chanted a little “Gloria” during “Top Yourself”. Along with shouting out headliners Bikini Kill (and the fact that they call God a “she” on new album closer “Thoughts and Prayers”), was it all part of Jack White’s plan to reveal himself as a feminist punk? I’m not sure; I do know that sociopolitical ideas aside, Help Us Stranger is a bit underwhelming as compared to the previous two Raconteurs releases, which were no White Stripes albums themselves. In any case, the band gave a very good set, because Jack White live is not to be reckoned with. The generic charge-up of album opener “Bored And Razed” was a buzzing jaunt on stage, and the blue-eyed soul of “Now That You’re Gone” was actually a nice change of pace from the blues-rock mashing of “Top Yourself”. On record, though it’s a welcome Ryan Adams diss track, “Don’t Bother Me” is straight up annoying, the repetition of the title after each line well-intentioned but flat--again, live, it somehow worked as a piece of absurdism. Thankfully, the band did play some of Stranger’s highlights, like the beautifully melancholy “Only Child” and power pop jam “Sunday Driver”. I wish they had replaced the comparatively generic “Somedays (I Don’t Feel Like Trying)” with catchy punk dirge “Live a Lie” or “Thoughts and Prayers”. The latter is the best song on Help Us Stranger. From the title, you think White might be trying to comment on gun control, but the song is at heart about life, a zooming folk odyssey rife with synths and fiddle and mandolin. “There’s got to be a better way / To talk to God and hear her say / ‘There are reasons why it is this way’,” White sings. It would have been an appropriate Riot Fest song: realistic, yet inspiring.

Album score: 6.3/10

But it was Bikini Kill’s triumphant reunion that was the perfect way to end the weekend, with dizzying instrumentation courtesy of Tobi Vail’s drums, Kathi Wilcox’s bass, and Kathleen Hanna’s guitar and siren of a howl. You knew they would sound great and play everything you wanted, from “Rebel Girl” to “Demi Rep”, the latter of which I hope will expose a new generation of fans to the band as the theme song to Hulu’s excellent PEN15. But the most fitting, even if not entirely poignant, was Hanna’s commentary, decrying “Let’s take this country back” white feminists and men who think they know everything, calling out rape culture more explicitly than anybody at the entire fest. “I’m sure Slayer talked about this a lot,” she quipped at one point. But it was a thought-provoking off-handed comment, one that makes me look forward to future lineups. Forget my forced symbolism of a $10 dollar beer. And I know the inherent problem of having a private, very white festival in a public park in a neighborhood made up of predominantly people of color, is not going to go away as long as the fest stays in said park. But Riot Fest can make a statement with the curation. Do they continue to market to nostalgia with minimal radical politics? Or will the festival live up to the name and, in their own words, stop sucking?

[verdigrisonamber]

Courier Six

Fallout New Vegas is my absolute favourite Fallout, because it’s fucking amazing. I only wish Obsidian had had longer to make it so they could flesh it out even further. The Legion don’t deserve to be the ‘straight up bad guys’ (especially when the NCR are so fucking hateful). And ED-E is my best friend ever. Here is some blurb about my Courier, Dolores. Name: Dolores Urquhart Nickname: Dolly, Aeris (Latin for Copper – Eye colour, hair colour being like verdigris.) Age: 28 Height: 5’7” Specials: STR 5, PER 5, END 7, CHR 8, INT 8, AGI 7, LCK 6

Eyes: Hazel Hair: Mohican, dyed teal Ethnicity: Caucasian Gender: Cis Female Body type: Athletic Sexuality: Bisexual Relationship Status: Friends with benefits/ Lovers Partner(s): FWB: Red Lucy, Jack (Great Khans) Lover: Vulpes Inculta. Family: Deceased. Mother (Jessica) & Father (Frank) were both Doctors (which is why Dolores is proficient in medicine). Dolores was 14 when they were murdered by raiders (looking for chems) that the NCR should have protected them against. No siblings or extended family.

Languages: English (first language), Spanish (asks Raul to help her become fluent) Disabilities/Illnesses/Injuries: Likely brain damage from being shot twice in the head by Benny. Multiple scars from injuries sustained whilst travelling. Scars: Forehead (left) scarring from when Benny shot her x2 and from Doc Mitchell’s surgery. Chest, head and spinal scarring from the Think Tank’s surgeries (the Auto-doc can only do it’s best to minimise these). Various limb & torso scars from buckshot & bullets, knife wounds to arms, scarring on knuckles from fist fights. Clothing: Regulator duster, Recon Armour, Stealth Suit MK II (the AI drives her mad and she is extremely grateful when Raul manages to silence it), Authority Glasses, Party Hat, Pre-War Spring Outfit, Sexy Sleepwear Fashion Style/Lifestyle: Wears Light armour to aid agility & movement, when relaxing likes to feel pretty (also likes to dress nicely for her lovers). Enjoys people’s reactions to wearing silly clothes especially if a situation is serious/tense. Weapon of Choice: Melee: Combat knife/Baseball bat. One handed guns: That Gun/A Light Shining in Darkness. Two-handed Guns: Hunting Shotgun/Sniper Rifle. Rarely uses Energy Weapons but likes Pew Pew. Doesn’t use Heavy Weaponry (she’s agile rather than strong). Skills: Proficiency with Repair, Lock-picking, Medicine, Speech. Has good endurance and athleticism (essential for Couriers). Will use Speech & charisma before resorting to violence. Weaknesses: Sarcastic, impatient, kleptomaniac Faction: Yes Man Friendly Factions: Caesar’s Legion. Due to relationship with Vulpes, she is able to trade with the Legion & visit the Fort. She saves Caesar’s life by scrounging parts for the Auto-doc (she isn’t proficient enough in medicine to perform the surgery herself). She carries out several requests by them but stops short of fully allying with them because of their treatment of women, her distrust of Lenius and her fears over the safety of Vulpes should Lenius take over the Legion from Caesar. Boomers: She realises they could be a great asset so clears out the ant’s nest and charms the kids with teddies, dinosaurs and rockets and finds herself readily accepted by the rocket-loving Boomers. Great Khans: Approves of their lifestyle & probably would have joined them if they had more power & influence. Enjoys a very casual relationship with Jack (until she meets Vulpes). Followers of the Apocalypse: Admires them greatly. Wishes she was a good enough person to join them. Attempts to aid Freeside because of them. Wishes Arcade would join with her, but he declines due to her reputation with Caesar. The Kings: Loves to visit The Kings to see Rex (H/C that The King & Rex are reunited once Rex gets a new brain), also enjoys the stage shows. Aided the Kings vs NCR because fuck the NCR. Hasn't as yet cashed in The King’s ‘favour’. Enemies: Is very careful to appear friendly to all factions, though loathes NCR. She thinks they are ineffectual, weak and will cause the collapse of New Vegas if they ‘win’. Hates bureaucracy & sees them as little more than ‘Enclave lite’. Of course blames them for her parents death. Fiends/Vipers/Jackals: Tries to keep far away from these groups as you cannot reason with them. Powder Gangers: Idiots with dynamite. Neutral Affiliations: Gomorrah: Despite herself, she finds Cachino charming, so helps him rid the casino of Big Sal & Nero. Warns Cachino that if he abuses any more women she’ll castrate him. Also aids Joana escape with Carlito. White Gloves: Stopped the cannibalism, would have burnt the whole place to the ground if she didn’t think the Strip needed the casino. Likes: Blamco Mac & Cheese, reading, repairing electronics & weapons, singing (badly) along with ED-E to the radio, dogs, Nuka-Cola, sleeping, exploring, hiking, hacking pre-war technology, swimming, fresh fruit, listening to Vulpes tell her tales from the Legion whilst they cuddle Dislikes: Cazadors, NCR, having your brain removed without being asked, stones under her bedroll, feeling cold, sleeping alone, litter/rubbish (can spend hours tidying before feeling comfortable somewhere. Both her parents were fastidious to the point of neuroticism and demanded cleanliness in the home as well as in their clinic, if Dolores is nervous or stressed she exhibits similar ‘clean freak’ tendencies to her parents.), bureaucracy & saluting. Friends: ED-E, Raul, Lily, Vulpes Inculta, Red Lucy, Jack (Great Khans), Rex, Fisto, Boomer kids Acquaintances: Boone, Veronica, Arcade, The King. Former friends: Cass (Cass disapproved of her relationship with Vulpes and her friendliness with the Legion, Dolores got fed up with being threatened by Cass so told her to fuck off, & wasn’t surprised or saddened when Cass did just that.) Enemies: Benny (feigned seduction, then stabbed him in the throat with a concealed switch-blade. Shot him in the head with Maria to make sure he was dead.) Personality: Sarcastic, dry sense of humour, intelligent, open, cheerful, charming, happy to help if she believes you are good for the world and her, sexually open. Trusts her gut feelings and easily becomes mistrustful; particularly after almost being murdered (you have to be or you’ll end up in a shallow grave), gets a thrill from stealing & finds it too hard to stop.                                   ______________________ Other info: Adores ED-E. Cried for a week after the Lonesome Road and wishes she could go back and blow everyone up to try to save ED-E #2 (Even though this doesn’t actually work in the game, you sadly lose the little dude no matter what you chose). Has Raul set up a long range radio receiver on ED-E #1, so she can find new radio stations because if she hears ‘Johnny Guitar’ just 1 more time she’ll kill someone. Loves travelling with Raul. He’s non-judgemental, funny, and she loves his Vaquero outfit. He helps her with her Spanish & repair skills, she helps him feel useful again. They make a great team of gunslingers. Raul moves from his cabin to live in Jacobstown in one of the spare cabins. Dolores is so happy she gets to visit Lily AND Raul when she visits Jacobstown. After Hoover Dam Doores is given one of the cabins meaning she can stay whenever she likes. Misses her ‘Grandma’ Lily and visits often when she feels it’s safe enough to return to the Mojave. Travelled with Boone to REPCONN but was terrified he’d kill her if he found out about her and Vulpes/The Legion, so let him return to Novac. Travelled with Veronica for a while. After returning from the Sierra Madre she tells Veronica about Christine, and together they return to the hotel so Veronica and Christine could be reunited. Knows she’s playing a dangerous game with the Legion and worries she’ll end up enslaved, and knows one day she’ll have to betray them. She is terrified of losing Vulpes or worse, that he’ll kill her or she’ll have to try to kill him. Tells Vulpes of her concerns re: Legate Lenius and begs Vulpes to leave the Legion & California before he’s murdered by Lenius. Vulpes disappears before the battle at Hoover Dam. 8 months later, Dolores can be seen travelling with a blond haired man and ED-E (the Playing Card set you can get from the Special edition has Vulpes with blond hair so this is why I h/c him bleaching his hair at the end as part of his disguise). Greatly enjoys being a Courier. She loves to explore and see other lifestyles and meet new people. The events of New Vegas take their toll on Dolores and she can feel her normally cheerful personality being whittled down. She becomes short tempered and judgemental, resorting more and more to violence. To try to temper this she spends time talking with Arcade. She knows how he feels about her affiliation with the Legion and is glad he still keeps friendly with her (despite declining to travel with her). Whenever she’s in Freeside or nearby, she makes a point to visit the Followers to not just add to her medical skills, but to spend time with those worse off than her so she can see how others are affected by the Legion & NCR. This helps her make up her mind to go with Yes Man.

[mariniacipher]

Names

Summary: Vigilance had always tried to protect Thomas. Anxiety had never been his name. Virgil had a reason for not telling the others his name.

Word Count: 1.880

Warnings: none that I’m aware of.

ao3 link

When he first introduced himself, he was insecure and saw danger in every corner and every shadow, but he had managed to keep calm, even as the others had stared him down, clearly displeased. “I’m Vigilance” he had muttered, playing with the sleeves of his shirt and trying to swallow the air that was stuck in his throat.

“Hi! I’m Morality, I was here first” the tallest of them grinned, and Vigilance had nodded, a small but grateful smile on his face. Seemed like at least someone didn’t hate him on sight. But he knew those were bad thoughts, so he dragged them to the back of his mind, where they wouldn’t disturb him or Thomas. “Well, Vigilance, I don’t know what you want here, but we managed fine without you, so sit back and watch, okay?” Creativity said, and as he glared at Vigilance he felt his shoulders rise, the pumping of blood beginning to echo in his ears. But… he knew he was here for a reason! “Oh yeah? ‘Cause I think Thomas would be really hurt if I hadn’t been there” he muttered, even though he hated having to bring it up. He had managed just fine doing his job out of the subconscious, without a physical form that would weigh him down and forced him to experience everything so much more intensely.

He knew he should’ve formed years ago. But he couldn’t change it now, could he? “Now, no reason to argue” Morality smiled, even if it seemed a bit strained. He didn’t want his family to fight! It didn’t matter that Vigilance had formed a few hours ago, he was obviously here to stay.Morality could see how he was different to Mrs. Dragonpuff and Mx. Hydroprank, who had both gone off after a few months.

Vigilance shrugged and flopped down on the couch Creativity had created for their main hub. Logic looked up from his book. He was currently reading the book on the rainforest that was already showing signs of its regular use, even though there were always pages being added whenever Thomas learned something new. But he quickly returned to his study and Creativity huffed before turning tail to go into Imagination. He didn’t want to deal with this new annoyance. It had been infuriating enough when Logic had gained more power until he was on par with Morality... He didn’t want to think about what would happen if Vigilance would grow in power the same way.

Morality looked after him but suppressed the urge to go after him. He knew that Creativity would come to him when he wanted to. Also, Imagination was scary. He sat down next to Vigilance, his hands under his thighs so he wouldn’t gesture as much he knew the others didn’t mind, but his Friend had told him it was annoying, so he wouldn’t take any chances with the new Side. He still almost jumped in place with pent-up energy, but that was normal for him. “Do you want to do something?” he asked, grin still plastered on his face. Vigilance flinched at his voice and stared at him for a second, before gulping and nodding. “Yeah. Sorry I spaced out, this place is… different from here” he whispered and now Logic looked up from his book again, even putting it down. “You mean that you were here before forming?” he asked, but Vigilance shrunk under his scrutinizing gaze. “Yeah? I… I thought I could do my job just fine out of the subconscious…” he murmured.

Morality really hoped that the other would quickly grow comfortable enough around them to speak normally. “That’s really interesting, so you already had a-“Logic’s face scrunched up in thought as he searched for the right word. Morality didn’t really understand why he always tried to sound like their teachers, especially since it made it so difficult to understand him sometimes. “Had a sentience? Even though you were just” he waved his hand around. “Subconscious stuff?” “Uhm, yeah. It was like… I was me, but I could… see you more? Like, I could see the energy around you and stuff. But otherwise I was me, but I had no form… it’s nice, you’re never lonely, and there’s always some comforting thing when I panic too much” he tried to explain, playing with his sleeves as he watched down at them. Logic continued his questionnaire, eventually getting paper and a pencil and to Morality it seemed like they got along fine. They both talked like their teachers, but Vigilance was obviously still anxious. ~ It turned out that Vigilance was anxious most the time. And even though Logic could often calm him with his reasoning and his Teacher Voice, it still had an influence on Thomas. He grew more shy and reserved, it got more difficult for him to ask for help and he wasn’t as adventurous as before. Creativity was having none of it.

He was frustrated, he was angry at Vigilance, he didn’t want to deal with his dumb worrying- He just wanted things to go back to normal! But it didn’t, and it was getting annoying. He tried all he could, he made it a game to force Thomas out of his shell, he took out some of the more threatening parts in his daydreams to make it seem easier for Thomas, he did all he could. And yet, Vigilance always had something to complain and whimper about. It was simply not fair! ~ Creativity was currently going with Ashanti, a name she had read in one of the books she had to convince Logic was worth their time. And Ashanti was also currently in a fight with Vigilance, because he was afraid of a freaking birthday party!

“I don’t care that they stared at Thomas that one time! They invited us and our friends are gonna be there! Can’t you-Logic, can’t you tell Negative Nancy why he’s being stupid right now?” she asked, gesturing at the logical Side, long hair obscuring her vision. But of course he had his head in a book –Chemistry now- and rose an eyebrow at Ashanti. “I can see Vigilance’s concerns, even if he blew them a bit out of proportion. And it’s just a birthday party, we have tests to study for and homework to do, not to forget that Mom’s birthday is coming up and you still have to think of something to get her” he said, before looking back down. “But shouldn’t we go meet our friends? We were all so excited about it until a few hours ago, and it took so long to choose the right gift” Patton chimed in. “Yes, Patton!” Ashanti proclaimed. “We were happy about it, but then a special someone had to be overly anxious!”

Vigilance crossed his arms, standing up. “Listen, I’m just saying that it probably isn’t worth the risk of public humiliation to go to the party of a jerk who looks at us funny every time we see them in the hall!” “Vigilance, you’re blowing things out of proportion again” Logic noted, turning his page. “So?” the Side screeched. Couldn’t they at least try to understand? “You’re all going to get Thomas bullied, because there’s going to go something wrong, and everyone’s gonna see it, and we’re gonna end up-“

“Can’t you stop?” Ashanti shouted. “Why can’t you take a risk for once? It’s a freaking party, not a snake pit! But no, you have to be anxious and annoying and altogether unnecessary!” She ignored the alarmed look from Patton. “Why do we even bother? You’ll just play up all these small details and end up in a panic anyway! You’re just Anxiety, you know?” “I am not!”  “Oh really? Because last time I checked vigilant people weren’t so fucking pathetically anxious and nothing else!” “You-You-Do you…. Okay, what-ever! I’m out of here. Go to your stupid party, I don’t care!” Vigilance’s voice broke and he had tears in his eyes, but he managed to swallow his hurt and hide it behind nonchalance as he sunk out and directly into his room. ~ They ended up going to the party, but were too anxious to have fun. Vigilance never found out about Patton and Logan scolding Roman. As Roman still continued to use the name, the hurt grew and turned into bitterness and anger. Vigilance told himself it didn’t matter when his name was forgotten. Anxiety told himself he didn’t mind at all. ~ Anxiety was hidden in his room, Creativity had just chosen a new name, but it seemed like the Royalty had become part of their Personality so maybe they would soon settle on a name as well. Or even a gender.

The Dark Side was listening to some My Chemical Romance songs that had just come out and looking at the book that was lying on the other side of the room. It seemed to mock him. And it wasn’t like he needed one…. Even if both Patton and Princey had one. But he knew he wasn’t part of their group, he knew it wouldn’t change anything. So really, it was quite ridiculous that the book was even there, and he really should put it back-

Anxiety chose that moment to take the book. It was heavy, counting way over thousand pages, holding all the names Thomas had ever heard. He looked through it, and scrunched his nose at the names he found. Even the few that didn’t sound awful didn’t sound like they matched and he really should have known better.

He put the book away. ~ Anxiety looked through the book whenever he couldn’t sleep, which was most times. It took way too long to even get through the names with an “A” but he couldn’t stop himself, driven by the desire to belong, at least in one way. ~ Months had gone by when he finally got to names beginning with “V”. He knew that he was on the right track as he looked through names that at least shared the first letter of his real name. Still, he was almost afraid to get through the section and come out empty. ~ “Virgil”

Anxiety murmured the name to himself, listening to it curl around his tongue and dance over his lips. It was… an unusual name. It sounded like some important person from Rome-maybe a poet? He didn’t know as much about history as Logic. It was definitely not fitting his Emo-aesthetic, and really, he thought again, he should be satisfied with Anxiety, it was maybe not his name, and maybe it didn’t match him at all, and maybe it stung a bit whenever he heard it, but… It wasn’t that bad. But… as he looked at it. He knew that it was right. Virgil smiled despite himself as he closed the book and moved to get it back to Memory. ~

Virgil laughed when he found out that his name probably literally meant vigilant.

It ended up a bit choked and a bit wet. But he managed to cover it up when he went to talk with the others. ~ It would take much longer for him to trust the others with this name.

Afraid Roman would replace it yet again.

Afraid the others would go along with it yet again. 

[liebefreudeeierkuchen]

Tag Game Time

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better (or don’t it’s up to you!)

I was tagged by the lovely @in-real-life-there-is-no-algebra thank you for tagging me!

Nickname(s): Stephie

Gender: female

Sign: cancer

Height: 5′2″

Time: 3:00 pm

Fav band(s): Alabama Shakes, Arcade Fire, the Cure (really love the Cure), Pink Floyd (discovered it when I was 21 and fell in love with it), The War on Drugs, The Palace and I have a soft spot for Iron Maiden for which i get teased at every so often.

Fav solo artist(s): Kendrick Lamar, Beyonce, Tina Turner, Feist, Florence + the Machine (not shure if band or solo artist)

Song stuck in my head: Major Lazer – get free feat. Amber (of Dirty Projectors)

Last movie I saw: Black Panther

Last show I watched: I want to say Jessica Jones, but if I am completely honest it is King of Queens (i know… i know…i am not proud of this obviously) but I had the flu and needed something easy to laugh about…

When did I create my blog: 2011 in winter.

What do I post: picture I find beautiful and fanmade stuff about tv shows and movies I like... Plus poems!

Last thing I Googled:  canarybird flower and medical uses because my mother made me a tinctures for like every possible occasion.

Do I have any other blogs: I have a small side blog where I like to post little poems in English. But as I am not that good in English they are not that good but they don’t need to be because they are more of the coping kind.

Do I get asks: no, but I don’t mind so much…

Why did I chose my URL: Because I identified with Iphigenie from Tauris from Goethe when I was younger, but probably not anymore, the exact name was already taken so I put a “f” in front of it.

Following: over 1000.. how did I get here?

Followed by: about 400

Average hours of Sleep: 6h – 8h it varies because I am not a really good sleeper.

Lucky number: I really don’t have one. Do usual people actually have lucky numbers?

Instruments: learned a little bit piano when I was younger but quit because I was not motivated enough (the basics stayed but never quite learned how to play smoothly with both hands). I learned guitar a few years back and playing/practicing a few times a week. A little bit of bass but it’s in his baby shoes (just play Joy Division stuff on it mostly). And ukulele for fun. And I love to sing! My boyfriend had a really great influence on me there because as we moved together he had all these amazing instruments and he is really good teaching you how you can play them.

What I am wearing: joggers and a black blouse with flowers on it (I am a sucker for floral prints)

Dream job: I love my current job… I am a clinical psychologist and currently in training to become a cognitive behavioural therapist.. at the moment I am working with children which is really fun but can also be a bit difficult… my dream job would be doing that but in a private practice where I can make my own schedule but this is just a long time plan. I have to start at 7 am and have about an hour drive and to start at 8 am would be the dream!!!!

Dream trip: Japan! I really want to see this place since I watched “Lost in Translation”

Fav food: home made Tofu burgers and indian food!

Nationality: austrian

Fav song: beyoncé – 6 inch

Last book I read: “Helium” by Ruby Franzisco & “Turtles all the way down” by John Green

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: kind of in a Murakami universe, or the Harry Potter universe.

I tag @divineandmajesticinone @kwalison @onebatch2batch @bethofbells @behindpluto & of course @irelandhoneybee when you are not in the mood for it just ignore but I will definitly read it when you do!

[twelvesignsrp]

congratulations nicky, libra is now ava park with the faceclaim kim sojung !

APPLICATION Character Sign: (Aries/Leo etc.) Libra Character name: Ava Park Birthday: 19th October Sexuality: ??? Gender: Cis female Moon Sign: (How moon signs work) Leo Faceclaim: Kim So-Jung (Sowon) Power: (explanation and suggestions) Weather manipulation. When one has gained almost pinpoint-perfect control of their body, after all, it only makes sense that she moved on to the world around her. Ava has not yet developed a sub-power. On first manifestation, she became able to mess with the weather in her immediate vicinity of ten feet, but only based on the current weather conditions around her. For example, if it was raining she couldn’t change the weather, but she could bend the rain to avoid her just because she didn’t want to get wet, or a strong gale to miss her so she wouldn’t end up with ruined hair. At that time, she had begun to practice using this ability consciously. Following the power-up, her range remains the same, however now she can physically change the weather conditions within those ten feet, for example, make the sun shine around her when it’s cloudy. If she’s not concentrating and she’s really up in her feelings, though, the weather around her can be influenced by her thoughts or her mood.

What do they study? BA Liberal Arts Biography: Ava is the Park family’s second child, in as many ways as she can count. Her older brother, Harvey, a clever and precocious child, has been set on-course to take over the family’s enormously successful architectural firm from the day he was born. Ava, pretty and dainty but otherwise unremarkable, was not destined for quite such great things. Of course, it went without saying that Ava’s parents loved her, but she knew quite well that her brother was special. One afternoon, when she was five years old, her mother took her into a big hall lined with mirrors and filled with other children her age, and let go of her hand. At her first ballet lesson, Ava found her feet. It was clear enough early on that Ava had some talent, but it wasn’t until she was around nine years old that it became clear that she was looking at the very real possibility of a shining career as a dancer. She danced with both razor-sharp technique and stunning artistry, and spent every free moment she had practising. Perhaps it was a good thing that she discovered her talent so early in life, because she wasn’t, as it turned out, very good at school. Ava’s relationship with her brother grew more and more strained as they got older. It was clear that her parents, particularly her father, invested more time and energy in Harvey and his intellectual talents, viewing Ava’s ballet as more of a nice hobby that kept her busy. This became an even greater point of contention when, having scored well enough in her AS Levels to apply for university, she had already decided that she was going to audition for ballet companies – she had her sights set on the Royal London in particular. She was told that she could do whatever she liked – as long as she got a degree first to fall back on. Her parents chose Durham for her – and for Harvey before her. Determined to avoid any chance of bumping into him at his stupid business and economics classes – and slightly limited by her grades – she chose Liberal Arts. She spends her days going to class (most of the time), hanging out with the other members of the Durham University Ballet Society, partying, and practising.

Five interesting facts about your character: •    She’s secretly embarrassed about her toes. They’re utterly ruined and gross from pointe shoes, and you’ll rarely see her wearing sandals, open toe shoes or flip flops, even in summer. •    It would be unfair to say that Ava has an eating disorder, but her self-image declines, as does her willingness to eat sensibly, when she’s stressed. •    Ava absolutely LOVES sunglasses. She practically collects designer shades, and she probably has a pair to go with every outfit. It’s very rare that she’ll be seen on a day that is even remotely bright without a pair of sunnies either on her eyes or perched on top of her head. •    Even with all the expensive face creams and balms she could ever want at her fingertips, she still swears by Sudocrem for getting rid of spots. •    The most embarrassing dance costume she’s ever had to wear was a banana, when she was seven years old and performing a group dance choreographed by her ballet instructor about a fruit salad. She doesn’t even like banana.

Character Quote: All the colors of the rainbow Hidden 'neath my skin Hearts have colors don't we all know? Red runs through our veins Feel the fire burning up Inspire me with blood of blue and green I have hope Inside is not a heart But a kaleidoscope -    Sara Bareilles, Kaleidoscope Heart

If your character had a patronus what would it be? and why? As obvious a choice as it is, a swan. Beautiful, graceful, strong enough that she can break your arm without too much effort. Hangs out with ducks because she’s just so generous that way.

WRITING SAMPLE Oh. No, no thank you.

ANYTHING ELSE? Still pink