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#and i don't even really think i can listen to music in the way that i want to anymore
elsa-fogen · 3 days
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So. On the topic of Alastor headcannons. What's your opinion on these radio themed ones:
Alastor has an internal radio. Like the concept of having songs play through your head, but more literal. He can tune to stations as if he was a radio himself. And if he really wants to, he can connect himself to other radios in his immediate vicinity and play that music though them instead.
His antlers help his radio powers. So when they get damaged (in battle, sheds them, whatever reason you wanna put here) his internal radio goes bazerk. Think; flipping stations randomly, connecting to other radios when he doesn't want it to, playing loud static at random. All the chaos.
He can hear through other radios. He once had to listen to Vox playing Barbie Girl through a TV right next to a radio in Vox's studio, for a week straight. Surely enough; Barbie Girl is now banned from all radio stations in hell.
What do you think? I got more like these if you like them. Give me a generic topic and I can probably list several under that category.
OHH RADIO HEASCANONS
Yes, but he also can turn it on and off when he needs
Never thought about it, but it's funny (don't think i'm going to use it anywhere but who knows, maybe i'll make some funzies with that)
Pretty much used it in one my comic slihdsdkjfh +headcanon that Vox taught him that, he also can control when and which radio he wants to listen (or his head would be a horrible mess) ut i like headcanon that he has some songs banned on the radio lol
speaking of other radiostations, i actually made an instruction on How To get Your Own Radio Station In Hell, let me just find it real quick... i wanted to share it long ago, but couldn't find a moment
Imagine you're a normal sinner in hell, who suddenly wants to become radio host for one small station. and it's possible! and you won't even die, and get some benefits, if succeed. So, it's kinda hard, but doable
1. You need to write a letter asking for a permission to have your own station to The Radio Demon himself. a) letter should be handwritten, and your handwriting must be at least readable. Or you can use typewriter, if you find one. DO NOT write it on a computer and then print, you'll probably won't be able to get your station in following 50 years b) You should send your letter via post. DO NOT try to meet Radio Demon in person, you'll just lose time, or even if you get lucky, he won't take your letter. b*) Now you can just come to Hazbin Hotel and give your letter to Charlie Morningstar and ask her to give it to Radio Demon. Don't worry, she won't read it. b**) You should leave your contacts, that's obligatory if you want to get an answer - that means you have to have a place to live. c) Do not try to e-mail him, he doesn't even have a phone or computer to receive it. If someone gives you 100% totally real Radio Demon's e-mail - don't trust them, its fake 2. You'll get answer from the Radio Demon in 1-2 weeks, he'll send you set of papers which you have to fill out. You'll probably have to do it 3-4 times so don't worry, he's just testing your dedication. In these papers you give general info about your future radio station - the name, schedule, what activities you'll gonna have and what kinds of music wanna play. Include some jazz, especially if you mostly want to have modern music. You'll also have to tell a bit about yourself. You absolutely should not be connected to voxtech in any way. 2.b) he may simply dislike your ass and become a real bureaucratic monster. Keep trying - you can impress him with you dedication and he may like you in the end 3. When you got your application approved, you'll have to sign a contract, that gives you right to broadcast on a certain radio frequency. According to the contract - your radio station belongs to the Radio Demon, you'll just getting it in unlimited use, until the contract terminated. You DO NOT sell your soul to the Radio Demon. He can broadcast over you any time he needs and you can't do anything about it. He can also ask you to change something in your broadcast schedule, ask to replace of cancel any of your programs, ban music and so on. (Tho, he probably won't do anything of it). But since your radio station is his property, you're as well under his protection while you on your station, so if someone attacks you and you're unable to protect yourself and your station, you'll have a way to contact him and ask for help. You'll have a specific channel for it and list of morse codes for emergencies. You should not use this channel for anything else, or you'll lose your station. 4. After all paperwork is done and approved, you have to get equipment for your station. DO NOT use ANYTHING voxtech related, and you absolutely cannot have TV on your station. 5. After you got all the equipment, invite the Radio Demon to your station. He'll set everything up for you and give you list of emergency codes. Do not try to interrupt his infodumps even if you lost track of it and can't understand shit, it's better if you show enthusiasm. 6. And done! Now you are happy small radio host! The Radio Demon may show up on your station sometimes to check how everything's going, but don't worry about it, he won't be bother you too often after few weeks.
P. S. You are NOT friends with the Radio Demon, even if he acts friendly and calls you "dear" - that's just his normal, not-threatenning behavior P. P. S. Don't be too personal, don't dump on him your problems if they aren't related to the station when he comes to you. Just make him some coffee, talk about weather and tell that everything works just fine P. P. P. S. ABSOLUTELY! DO NOT! TRY TO HUG HIM! He'll just laugh at you, and if you somehow succeed he'll make everything to make you regret every action in your life and afterlife that led you to this moment (and it doesn't necessarily means he will torture you physically, once he run into masacistic freak that got a boner when was tortured) P. P. P. P. S. If you caught feelings for him - suffer in silence and NEVER try to confess. You'll lose your station immediately and will never get it back.
All these instructions are totally written by Rosie who heared so many complaints from Alastor about how people want to become a radio host but can't do it properly
And Alastor is probably making them experience what he went through to become a radio host in life
GOD, TUMBLR WHY UR SUCH AN ASS TODAY WTF LET ME JUST POST MY SILLY TEXT
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rindough · 21 hours
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cw. i REALLLLLY recommend listening to 'illusion' by dua lipa, BTW this is NOT proofread fully YET cuz will do it when i wake up later hihi, got this inspo while doing my assignment so as wat a normal kira would do- she drops it all n comes here to WRITE. anyways i hope i did boothill justice here!! 🥹🥹
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OMG imagine dancing with Boothill in the middle of a mission to hunt down Acheron. The disco ball shines through the dark room, bodies of the dreamscape residents bump against one another to the beat of the music and to be honest, the quest has come to its moment of being at a constant, of being at a... perfect standstill.
"We better make this quick, been waitin' for so fudgin' long it's getting borin' in here!"
He pauses at the hand that has reached out for him, holding him in place to prevent him from taking his gun out. "Oi!"
"Don't 'Oi' me." You groaned, your colleague rolls his eyes at you. "Control yourself."
"You... Then how are we gonna make sum' progress with this task?"
Hm? He thinks, watching as you've pushed yourself off from leaning against the counter, yourself being a step ahead of him causing him to stand straight too.
"Care to have a dance with me?" He blinks, he breath now hitched at the way your question was thrown at him, words that slipped through your plush lips? Eyes luring him in with your request through the strands of your hair?
"Boothill?"
Hell yeah he's in.
Without hesitation he drags you to the middle of the dancefloor, with how fast he's moving, it's no doubt he's skilled or he's done this before... in his bedroom you guess, from the way he mutters a few "Hm. Like this." and some "Okay, okay, okay." It was a teeny bit messy but honestly? You found some cuteness to it.
It took him less than a minute's time to have you be pressed so close to him, body swaying oh so sexily with your face inches apart. The hold of his hand on yours, fingers intertwining as he lifts it up with eyes not leaving yours.
You spin, catching that shark teeth beaming right back at you when your body comes back to face his.
Man, you swear you found the cyborg attractive and at times his actions have caused your heart to do summersaults but... this? What even can beat to this moment right now?
The beat, the smiles exchanged between you, it all leaves him giddy, that eat-shitting grin breaks when his laughter fills your ears. His automatic heart swirling all around just like the way these colorful dots dance across your face. It's intoxicating, really. He wants to lean in, perhaps this is the right time-
No... no, he shouldn't.
Without a word he whips your figure out by the arm in the small dance circle the crowd had given you. One second he's chuckling at the sound of your gasp leaving your lips, the next you're both in a giggling fit when you come right back in his arms. Boothill, no matter how many times he had contemplated this thing he's dealing, will bet an arm, or his whole body that he is NOT (Read: crazily, deeply) into you.
It was baffling really, how the both of you could follow up and be in sync to the invisible rhythm you have in that pulsing minds of you two. Body pressed and swaying to the rhythm, a hand or two on his shoulder, his two metal limps holding firmly to your hips. The view of the background swiftly changes depending who's on who's side of the room now.
The glimmer in his eyes were telling, you both knew this was something... deeper. A new side of each other the two of you are finally discovering after years of working together. And that glimmer in his eyes, though somewhat unfamiliar, was telling you something, and with the slow, yet daring grin playing on your lips, he takes that as a yes.
As the music comes to hit you again with its drop, he subsequently directs your bodies the other way and you hung your head back, eyes closing when his hand stays by the low of your waist, feeling the cold metal of his palm slipping to the back of your knee while you hung low from his dip.
"Atta, baby."
His words, his hold on you, this... it all brings you a sense of security and comfort, as if you're both just regular folks coming to Penacony for a trip together. Bubbles of laughter escapes your lips, especially with the way his strands of hair tickle your torso. He peers down at you across the valley of your chest, grinning at what your mission has come to.
He pulls you up quickly.
Your laughter dies down and you open your eyes, your hair guaranteed a slight mess but that's not of concern right now. Because who you both expect to find is right there staring back at you, amused.
"Great dance, you two."
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©  2024 rindough, do not repost or plagiarize.
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genderfluid-info-blog · 21 hours
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How do you think someone would overcome genderfluid guilt? Sometimes I feel bad for being trans and genderfluid, I don't know why but I do. I'm proud of my identity but I can't help the feeling some days. Anyone maybe have tips to overcome that guilt?
Hey there! Being genderfluid in this world can be draining sometimes. We live in a system that is actively working against people like us, and society conditions us to believe that being trans is somehow a shameful and disgusting thing that needs to be "fixed" or "hidden". So I totally understand where your guilt is coming from.
I think a lot of us can relate, because even if we don't want to, our society and our environment shapes the way we see things whether we want to or not. It's not your fault you feel this way, we are taught to believe that being trans is a bad thing, it's no surprise that we sometimes feel like we disappointed people or let them down by being trans/genderfluid.
But the truth is, that's bullshit. You don't need permission from anyone to exist the way you do. Your existence automatically grants you the right to exist. You're important and you're loved. <3
But of course that doesn't change the fact that guilt can creep up on you. Here are some tips on how to deal with it:
Address the root of the issue. Genderfluid guilt most often stems from internalized transphobia. Until you address this, you will keep feeling guilty. Unlearning internalized transphobia can be a long and difficult process, but you can do it, I promise.
Seek out trans safe spaces, specifically genderfluid ones. Talk to other trans people, bask in their community, it doesn't matter, but spend time with your community and see for your own eyes that there are others just like you out there.
Affirm yourself! Put on some gender-affirming clothes, listen to music that makes you feel good, consume uplifting trans media- whatever makes you feel best! All that matters is that you affirm your genderfluid identity :)
Talk to someone. Dealing with guilt can be really difficult, but you don't have to go through this alone. Whether it's a friends, family, a trusted person, a therapist, another trans person- talk to someone and don't bottle it up.
As uncomfortable as it is, let yourself feel without getting stuck. Let yourself feel and process the guilt at your own pace, but let it go when it is time to do so. Don't get stuck in a loop of self-hatred, instead reach out to your support system. Surround yourself with things and people that make you happy.
You're amazing and you can get through this! Take care of yourself and remember that you're worthy of love and happiness. Being genderfluid is an amazing part of you, and even if I don't know who you are anon, I'm glad to have you in the community. You matter🩷🤍💜🖤💙
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stormyrainyday · 22 days
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man growing up without any privacy is a fucking trip what do you mean i'm scared my mom found my imagine dragons CD it's imagine dragons for fuck's sake why would i get in trouble for that
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skrunksthatwunk · 4 months
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sometimes you need to go back and listen to the music you liked when you were 13 because it's good for you. and no im not talking about like emo nostalgia in this case we have enough posts about that. im talking about dad rock. actually im just talking about barenaked ladies
#idk if i'd call barenaked ladies dad rock per se but every once in a while i'll hear a song and go MAN. I REMEMBER THAT#i had so many oc animatics in my head about this one....#anyway skrunk lore moment but i had a really intense bnl phase for like 8 months in early middle school which explains a lot about 13 y/o me#in a neutral way but like. yeah. anyway go listen to box set for me.#you don't have to listen to anything else even though i still have a great fondness for a lot of it bc it's one of those things where it's#so familiar to me that i don't even know if i think it's good or not. but box set goes hard and i'll stand by that#in the car and hello city and i'll be that girl and spider in my room AND CALL ME CALMLY and blame it on me and alternative girlfriend and#the flag and when i fall and the king of bedside manor and am i the only one.... ohgh#AND YES IT'S BASIC BUT IF I HAD $1000000 IS COZY. IT'S CUTE OK#OH and it's all been done for all your immortal/reincarnation ship needs. well. a certain vibe anyway#and alcohol. and OH MY GOD I FORGOT JANE. AND INTERMITTENTLY and break your heart.... waaaaaaa#man they have way way more albums than i thought they had#i can only really speak for gordon born on a pirate ship and maybe you should drive actually but. i like those#or i Did like them. havent relistened but even looking at the titles is making me giggly like... i forgot some of these#ALSO SHOEBOX IS A FRIENDS SONG?? WHUH?#or maybe it was used in friends? idk. no thoughts on friends but they did music for just the dumbest shit. ignore that for me please#ANYWAY. going to go listen to all of that now bc im having a moment. if you listen to it and don't like it um. don't think less of me lol <3
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httpiastri · 6 months
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how about if... i just... don't do my work.....
#ohhh right i was supposed to connect my phone! i totally forgot about that!! and i didn't read that par#of the email you sent me... just all other parts... and even though you told me to do it this tuesday and also last week i just forgot...#pls i'm so unmotivated#i speedran a lot of my work stuff but now it's like#my job computer has freaked out and i should go to the like it services help but i just can't be bothered#idk the guys working there are kinda sketchy (and they're probs on lunch break rn) plusssss i don't have a like access card (????) so like#if i leave the office i cant really get back in so i'll have to knock on the door and hope someone lets me in lol i just don't wanna#the only assignment i have left for the day is something i need the work computer to do but i just don't wanna talk to people to get help..#also none of my bosses or coworkers in my department are here... its just me and this one lady from the economy department so no one knows#she either listening to really loud music in her headphones or she doesn't even have headphones?? either way i can hear her music clearly 😶#also!! the n1 thing i should do but just cant is#im supposed to go to the front desk and like connect my phone to my boss's number so i get her calls because shes on holiday or whatever#but like... i still really really *really* can't talk on the phone#there's just no way im doing that#i just don't know how to fake like#sounds believable?#much more fun to rant in tags than to work 👍#and to think of how obsessed i am with lando norris#OMG PAUL F2 ANNOUNCEMENT RN AS IM TYPING AAAAAA#HELP
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hella1975 · 1 year
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this isn't meant to like. make you give your opinion on Discourse™️ or anything I just wanted to ask, but I keep seeing people upset about taylor dating mr. 1975 and I can't figure out if it's bc he's a terrible person or just a greasy alcoholic 😭😭😭 do you know what's up with that guy??? like on one hand I like not knowing things about celebs and I should keep it that way. but also
i, unfortunately, do know what's up with that guy and it's that he's said something problematic about every faction of society at least once. for me i have some weird, reluctant fondness for him because he is just a train wreck and he's such a twat all the time that at least it's nondiscriminating, and i also like that when he sings about mental illness it's bc he's actually BEEN THERE and been publicly a mess bc of it and been addicted to drugs and acted like a dick, and he ACKNOWLEDGES THAT, but also at no point am i gonna jump on the 'he's an amazing person' parade bc generally he is just a sleazy idiot. it is weird watching people suddenly dragging up every single thing he's ever said to be like 'look! this is why he's bad for our tay tay!' when the running joke with matty healy is that he's just a prick. like u dont need to expose his moral fibre. u can just say he's a prick. and also as funny as the jokes are she's still a grown woman who's been around the block a few times when it comes to dating. i think she will be okay maybe
#idk that's just what i think though. like he's been cancelled more times than he has songs and yet a lot of us are still here#and he acknowledges it like there's a running gag at his live shows where he goes to say a very explosive sentence and then he gets cut off#by the band with a random song it's so funny. like he'll go 'i just think that immigrants- *LOUD GUITAR*' & i think that's a part of it too#is that a lot of people don't get that sometimes he's being ironic? he takes it too far and these days he's annoying#but idk ive seen certain instances where im like. that went over so many people's heads#idk i just dont think he's Evil and Malicious i think he's just a prick. like people can just be pricks even if they're super famous. wild#he's so fucking pretentious but he got famous for being REAL and his music has helped a lot of people because of how real it was#like i made a post a while ago about his song 'give yourself a try' and how the concept of it is literally#'life is a little bit shit to be quite honest with you and you WILL get fucked over by it and fuck yourself over but you're here anyway#so you might as well give it a go' like???? so many mental health ballads are like 'the world is So Beautiful and So Are You'#but matty healy ALWAYS has gone actually it isnt and you arent. whatever though#and i just really like that#ask#also big disclaimer that i dont have an encyclopedic knowledge of all the dumb shit matty healy has said ive just been listening#to the band for a while and have picked shit up along the way. if it turns out he's done some actually reprehensible shit that ive missed#then that's literally bc i do not actively run in 1975 circles and do not intend to ever start <3 so dont yell at me LMAO
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*screenshots the highlights of my youtube to mp3 downloads folder as if it were some fancy aesthetic spotify wrapped image or whatever* 
#I don't know how spotify works I'm not sure how the images people share are actually generated  but you know what I mean lol#Though I do wish the native windows music player thing kept track of like.. how many times you listened to a song or something#merely because I think it would be really funny for me since I'm very much a like 'listen to the same 3 songs on rotation for literally#4 months at a time. then eventually rotate in another few songs to replace those. never revisit any of them again' type person#And like most media I have a lot of trouble connecting with music or ascribing it the same deep meaning that most other people seem to get o#ut of it like. I think maybe it has something to do with my emotional range in general being very shallow (I am neutral 90% of the#time and even when I'm not I just don't feel things very strongly. when I do feel antyhing it's weak fleeting emotions usuually that#I don't even remember a few days from then. You know how babies don't have object permanence? It's like I don't have emotional permanence lo#l. Which is probably standard for like. severe childhood neglect situations where nobody was around for you to mirror their#emotions in early childhood or whatever usually happens when people are being raised. Like if nobody was there to encourage the development#of emotions and show what those look like then maybe your brain just doesn't develop them properly or etc. etc. ANYWAY gjhjhb)#I think maybe that has somehting to do with why it's just really hard for me to care about media of all kinds - and even when I do it's not#very deep. Also probably why I've never really been in a fandom or gone to a concert or been really into anything like that. Because people#form deep emotional connections and memories and attachments to their favorite media and I just like... don't#I can still like things!! But it's always in a more like.. intellectual kind of cognitive way if that makes sense? Like if I liked a TV show#it would never be becaise I find the message heartwarming or the characters relatable or because it made me FEEL something. It would be bec#ause the lore is cool and I like to analyze it. Or I think there's an interesting social dynamic going on which is fun to kind of pick#at the innerworkings of. And if I like a song like.. it's not because This Music Got Me Through A Hard time In My Life or because#I relate deeply to the lyrics or it makes me feel a certain way - it's usually because the overlapping of instruments or thetones that are#used interests me or there's something intruguing or cool about it to hear. Part of why I like classical or choir music is that there's oft#en so many instruments playing over each other it's like a little puzzle to try and hear each part seperately or etc. etc.#Which isn't to say that I can NEVER relate to or feel some sort of attachement or idea related to a piece of media. but just that it's not#ever very strong. like not powerful enough to be some significant motivator or pivotal aspect of my personality or etc.#BUT ANYWAY. I still can like things to a degree probably not just the same exact way as others lol.#So I rarely even listen to music that often (maybe once a week or so? I'll listen to like one song or two. but I'm not like a 'have music on#in the background playing in the house all the time' or 'listen to music while I get ready' type) but when I do it's very repetitive. I do#think it would be interesting to see the statistics then lol. I thought windows media player used to track statistics so I wonder why the#'updated' version of that on windows 10 doesnt??? Maybe bc they assume everyone is using streaming services instead? stinky#I don;t think the built in music player on my phone tracks anything either. It's more of just a file accessor or something. hmmgbb#That alone will never convince me to actually use some service to get music though lol. I don't need the statistics. yttmp3 for life babey
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@taylorswift what if you add a bonus Gillette show that's just exactly what LoverFest was meant to be?
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sorrowandpride · 1 year
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Anybody who's like "I'm gonna do x so I can fit in with y subculture 🥺" is a coward and a poser uwu
#People really be out here dyeing their hair and changing themselves just so they can fit in with some stupid group#Really who tf cares#I'll never understand people thinking they have to look a certain way in order to be part of a music-based subculture#Be a punk with brown hair#Be a goth with blonde hair#It really doesn't matter#Nobody gives a shit what you look like unless they're a poser#Only posers focus on aesthetic instead of music#Be a black metal fan with orange hair and who wears pink#I mean alter your appearance if that's what you really want#But don't do it just to 'fit in'#Confusing people by looking the complete opposite of what they'd expect is fun af#Go to a metal show decked out in pink#Go to a pop concert looking like a trad goth#It literally does not matter#For music-based subcultures as long as you actually listen to the music nothing else matters#I mean don't steal things from subcultures you're not part of#But do not feel that you need to conform#Mishka's Ramblings#Btw I do not mean this in a 'dress up like any subculture you like even if you're not part of it' way#Do NOT do that#Just do not feel like you need to change your appearance to fit in#I've heard people say 'I'm going to [change my appearance] because [members of whatever subculture] don't [look like whatever]'#DON'T do that horseshit#Stay authentic#If you share the ideology and listen to the music you're golden 👍#Only change your appearance if you genuinely want to#Experimenting is cool and all but make sure you're expressing YOURSELF and not your perception of someone else y'know?
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protectcosette · 2 years
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living with a friend sure is a great way to find out you enjoy their company a lot less than you originally though
#certified protectcosette original#like#this dude genuinely thinks of gerard way as an asshole? i'm not even into mcr but his source is that his ex has a friend that dated gerard#idk about y'all but i personally don't go to people's exes gor character references#he acts like queer ppl who live in the city have a certain experience despite never really seeking out ppl with similar childhoods as him?#he's a TERRIBLE driver which i get bc his parents were terrible teachers and he just got his license a week ago#but like. he listens to music that distracts him and doesn't understand intersections in a way that makes me feel unsafe#and I can't drive bc my car battery is fucked so i'm kinda stuck with this kid who makes incredibly questionable decisions behind the wheel#and he will just start talking to me about stupid shit when i have headphones in. one of the most basic signs of 'dont talk to me'#and he's like. BARELY started looking for apartments. was deadass only looking on fucking zillow#homie i am letting you stay in my one bedroom with me bc your parents are abusive. not because i like sharing my bed with you#i need my goddamn quiet time back. i need space. he doesn't have anywhere else to go i really cant kick him out but this is making me crazy#ESPECIALLY AFTER LIKE 10 PM FOR FUCKS SAKE I AM LYING IN BED WITH MY HEADPHONES IN NOT LOOKING AT YOU AND NOT RESPONDING#why the FUCK are you just reading craigslist listings out loud? why are you reading me every text from this potential roommate?#why are you watching tiktoks 2 feet from my head with no earbuds? do you not know how rude that is? like jesus christ#all this on top of my car battery being dead and my dad threatening to stop paying for my therapy unless i comply with his demands#can i please have a little bit Less right now? literally begging#venting
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relicsongmel · 20 days
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youtube
New Leaf 11 PM is the ONLY piece of music in existence that's allowed to conflict with my synesthesia
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allisonreader · 2 months
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4, 5, 12, 13, 48? :)
48. Who’s an artist you think it’s criminally underrated and deserves more recognition?
Not a single artist per say, but Home Free as an entire group I would say are. They're an acapella group who are country, they have some pretty incredible song writers within the group. I enjoy their original music more than their covers, and their covers are incredible. Tim Foust; the bass singer of the group has written the hilarious song Champagne Taste on a Beer Budget. And I don't remember which one of them wrote it, but on their mostly original album Dive Bar Saints, my absolute favourite song of theirs is Catch Me if You Can. They have some original Christmas music that's fun too, like Full of Cheer and Cold Hard Cash. Both are rather funny, and Cold Hard Cash is extremely catchy.
13. Who’s the most popular/mainstream artist you listen to?
Perhaps Shania Twain. Unless we go even further back, but Shania is probably the most frequent and broadest of who's music I listen to. (But none of her stuff newer than her album Now. I don't really care for her newer stuff.)
12. Who’s the most obscure artist you listen to?
It might be Home Free. Maybe Colter Wall, but I don't listen to him a lot. Home Free is probably more accurate.
5. Is there a song you don't like but like its music video?
Probably Safe and Sound by Capital Cities. The song annoys me greatly for some reason. Mainly the refrain of safe and sound throughout the song. My annoyance does feel a little irrational, but it's there. The music video is more enjoyable than the song, but still not my favourite.
4. Is there a song you love but don't like its music video?
There's always the possibility of one being out there, but I wouldn't be able to tell you at this moment.
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violet-snail-sfw · 2 months
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The first time I saw a trans woman was in porn. I was pretty young then, in early middle school I think. My first thoughts about trans women only existed in a sexual context, since that was the only place I saw us mentioned
The next time I saw trans people mentioned was a TV show presumably about trans people and transitioning. I didn't watch it, only saw the description because even as a kid I had already internalized the idea that it was taboo and I would get in trouble if my parents walked in and I was watching it
Eventually I saw enough TV and cop shows to see an episode with the dead trans hooker trope. It further reinforced the building idea that trans women were something else, separate from "normal" people and always on the outskirts of society
And then Caitlyn Jenner came out. At my Catholic middle school there were few kind things said about her and plenty of nasty comments, but this was the first time I saw trans people being publicly talked about
In high school my views on trans people started to fracture. On one hand, I was being pushed the idea that gender was about what's in your pants, that if you've got a dick your a man and there's nothing that can be done about it. On the other hand, early high school me had stumbled across some gender change erotica and quickly became obsessed with it. While it wasn't great representation, it was still pretty positive about transitioning. The people in those stories were always happier afterwards
I struggled to reconcile what parts of society were saying about trans people with my daydreaming about what I'd do if I woke up the next morning as a girl. Eventually I decided that it was just a fetish. I just thought it was hot, there was no way I could be trans because I was just a normal person. I wasn't weird or a spectacle for others to gawk at, I was just a person
Around that time I also met a trans person in passing for the first time. One of the trans guys at my high school was in one of the musicals that I went to because some of my friends were also in them. When I was talking to my friends about it after someone mentioned the trans guy and that he was trans. I wasn't really sure what to think so I kinda just didn't think about it. Thinking back, there were a few trans guys at my high school but I don't think there was a single out trans woman
Eventually in college I actually met some trans and nonbinary people. In some classes we introduced ourselves on the first day with names and pronouns which was my first exposure to people using pronouns other than just he/him and she/her. I had a few classes with trans and nonbinary people, including a survey of transgender studies class I took in my last semester. I had plenty of excuses for why I was taking it (I needed a few more credits to graduate. It still had room open. It fit with my other classes. It seemed interesting. I'm trying to be a good ally.)
Around this time as well I found some trans creators online like ContraPoints and Philosophy Tube (whom I had watched before she came out as trans). I was weirdly excited and interested when Odyssey Eurobeat came out as trans and I went to go listen to some of her music right after I heard. I was starting to have examples of trans people just being people. Not just porn stars or public spectacles, but people
Later I met and befriended a few trans women, one of whom was extremely open about her transness and happened to share a video which started the initial steps of my egg cracking and figuring out who I am now
If I had actually known any trans women, if the world had been kinder to trans people, if representation of trans women as people existed and was well known, I might have been able to realize who I was sooner. I would have been able to exist as myself for more than a tiny fragment of my life so far
Representation matters, both in media and in daily life. Trans people being out and open about who they are made it possible for me to realize that about myself. Please never stop being who you are
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undiscovered-horizon · 7 months
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[It’s considered good etiquette to ask a man about his wife’s wellbeing. Except if the man in question is Dracule Mihawk.]
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Garp hates having to call Mihawk, mainly because of the warlord's attitude. Used to the usual "yes, sir!" of the Marines, a man with his own will and agenda is not something he entirely knows how to navigate. Especially since both of them know that the World Government needs the warlords more than they need the bureaucracy. And that doesn't exactly help in exercising power.
His attempts at diplomacy have burst into flames each time and today isn't going to be much different:
"How’s the missus?" Garp asks in the nicest tone he can force although he's aware that Mihawk knows how much the vice admiral hates asking for Dracule's assistance.
Mihawk only scoffs. "Are you calling just to spoil my mood or is there another reason for your impertinence?"
"I was just trying to-"
"Don't," he cuts him off in a stern voice. "If you have business with me, speak fast. If you're interested in my wife, I know where you live, Garp. I'd suggest losing your unwelcome nosiness before you lose something else."
Little did Garp know at the time but his little question was possibly the worst strategy he could think of. Dracule Mihawk is not like most men and the mere mention of his wife by acquaintances only enrages him. Work and private life do not ever mix. And he'll be damned if someone tries to breach that, even in the form of a courtesy. Therefore, the rest of the call was filled with openly insulting answers that were bold even for Mihawk. A veiled threat or two also found their way into their rather tense conversation.
You know he's done with Garp when he lets out a frustrated grunt. Sometimes you wonder if this grumpy, forever dissatisfied version of him is the only side of Mihawk his acquaintances know. Maybe he really is two men in the form of one.
He's sitting at his desk, thinking about something and not bothering to get up for now. Considering the fact that his hat is lying on the table and not on his head, Mihawk is probably not planning on going out anytime soon. Then again, judging by his spoiled mood, his homestay is a blessing for the first poor sods that would cross his path.
In slow steps, you stroll to his side, letting your hand brush through his hair. He doesn't say anything, only leans his head further towards you. The thing about Mihawk is that he loved to reject and decline but he never does so to you. No, in your case it's the opposite - he revels in allowing you whatever you want.
So intimidating and combative, yet soft and looking for intimacy. Truly, two men with the face of one.
"My mother used to say that each grey hair is one thing we worry about," you say quietly. "At this rate, love, your whole head will be white by noon."
"Your mother also says that milk goes sour because gnomes piss in it," he retorts. Yes, your mother and her strange folk beliefs... She's probably the only person Mihawk can force himself to be nice to despite his dislike.
His response earns a hearty laugh from you. Clear as day, you can see his posture relax as he listens to the music of your happiness. If he even thinks about the possibility of Garp or any other of his acquaintances hearing it, he might just get furious again.
"Well, nobody's perfect," you say between chuckles.
Then, Mihawk gently grabs your hand and lowers it to his face. With softness and passion that hardly befits a man of his infamy, he kisses the inside of your hand. "You seem to be doing so effortlessly."
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rogersstevie · 1 year
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saw my high school german teacher at the wedding shower this morning (should’ve occurred to me that he would be there since i knew he would be at the wedding) and it’s much more embarrassing to have to answer a former teacher when they ask what’s going on with you and you’ve got nothing going for you so i wish i had been prepared to have to deal with that today and not two months from now but anyway we’re in a mutual follow on instagram so he’s like “all i know about is your daily outfit pictures” and i was just like “that’s all there is!”
#personal#skdfihs i really do hate having to tell ppl i work for my dad in a job i don't even want#obvs i am grateful bc hey free job wish things could just plop into my lap like that bc the job finding process what little i tried with it#was so fucking annoying and impossible and i just do not have the energy for it#like even less so than i did several years ago but also like.....i truly need to and not just bc he's gotta retire eventually ya know#i just wanna do something i feel a little more suited for like there are aspects that work#sometimes certain things like bank reconciliations where when everything was input correctly and it all lines up#it's got the satisfaction that comes with organizing things which i love to do#and i like that at least here unlike the other one i worked for i do not have to interact with ciients#like i just want a job that is quiet and i don't have to deal with customers#and it just feels like those options are few and far between#it would help if at all in the last several years i had thought of something SPECIFIC i would like to do#but everything i think oh that would be nice like it's not realistic#and an office environment doesn't entirely bother me but for example i hate hearing a loud conversation between my coworker and a client#even if i can't hear what's being said for some reason that kind of background noise makes me crazy#bc i'm like i'm just trying to listen to my music and i don't wanna hear anything else#like i feel the same way at home when my mom is on the phone and even if she's down the hall or another floor it can be really loud#and even if i'm not doing anything that requires concentration it just feels like too much to me#so like anyway being that i am now ten years out of high school my brain has more than ever been like girl you gotta do something#but i don't know how to do it and i wouldn't even know what to try even if i DID know how#so i've basically been trapped for years and wanting out but part of it is that it's easier to stay and be miserable#but the other part is that i'm truly like....what would i apply for i don't feel qualified for anything#i don't feel like i have skills and my psych degree doesn't apply to much unless you're gonna get a masters#so. stuck.
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