#and i don't think its psychosomatic

[balkanradfem]

Neck pain update!

Okay so last time I wrote about this, was when I got the MRI results for my neck, which was blank, zero issues found. However the pain in my neck was still so bad I can't walk without pain, can't jump or run at all, and can't carry anything over 2kg. I was too scared to try and fix it on my own, because messing with an injured neck without training is dangerous, and can do damage, so I didn't want to risk making it worse. However, if the scans say the neck is fine, then I can't really ruin it, right, so I've started looking for exercises that don't hurt.

As I was looking for neck-related exercises on youtube (they all hurt too much), youtube was starting to recommend me back exercises as well, some of them specifically for Rhomboid pain. Now, I didn't know what this rhomboid was, but it so happened that I had pain in that exact spot, between shoulder blades, but that pain came and went, so I thought it must be psychosomatic (when you have chronic pain you assume most of what hurts is psychosomatic).

Anyway, I decided to do those exercises because it's much less scary to work on back pain, and they didn't hurt as much. Then I found, in the same source, some neck exercises that seemed a bit dangerous; they instructed me to lay down with my neck hanging over the bed, then hold my own head with my arms, and move it, like I'm fixing it in place. I was shocked to find out that this didn't hurt me, so I did that exercise twice. And then the shocking thing happened.

That exercise immediately changed how the pain felt while I was walking. Before, I used to feel every step as a punch to the back of my neck; now it was to the back of my head. This made me dizzy, nauseous and want to vomit, the first time it happened, and I was very scared that I made it worse. Pressure and pain where my brain is, felt even more serious than neck pain, and I didn't repeat that exercise ever again, in hope the pressure and pain in my head would go away. It didn't, however, go away, but I learned to deal with it, and it became somewhat bearable. I am due in few months for a brain MRI so if there's something actually wrong with my brain, I will find out then. I am suspicious though that maybe there's some muscle in my back that is extending up to the head causing issues. But I don't know if there is such a thing.

I kept doing the exercise for the back pain, but the back pain did not go away from it, the exercise just keeps getting more painful as I keep doing it, unsure whether I should just stop.

After that I fell depressed for a while, and just played stardew valley laying down using my touchpad, and this is where the pain got worse in my left arm. Before that, my arm hurt a little, if I was bending it backwards or extending it too far or carrying anything, but now, it hurt a lot, at all times, whenever I was trying to do anything at all. I thought I made it worse with my irresponsible video gaming, my wrist was now hurting badly too, and I couldn't bend my arm to use the laptop anymore. I tried with my right hand and then my right hand started hurting too.

I was trying various wrist exercises thinking it was the video game problem, that made no difference whatsoever, so today I finally looked up all possible causes of pain in the arm, and found something that was close to the pain I felt - coracobrachialis muscle pain. I've never heard of that muscle, but it's under the arm and connects the back and arm, and can get damaged from overuse. I found instructions on how to locate it, and upon pressing on it, I felt such intense pain I was crying and curled into a ball for a while, it's clear to me that this muscle is in bad condition.

Now, all the pain relief instructions for this were to give this muscle a massage, but I absolutely cannot do that, I can't touch that muscle, I can't press on it, the pain of just the smallest pressure is insane, while I'm happy to have found the source of my arm pain, I am absolutely lost as to what to do with this. Does anyone have any knowledge or experience with this specific muscle? I can't force myself to massage it until I find a way to somehow relax it, or relax the area around it, so that it would be this painful to touch.

Also, the neck itself has shown some tiny improvements. It feels like it got a little stronger, because now I can lift my head while lying down, which I couldn't do before. I can sometimes sit for a bit more than I could do before, I was limited to 20min of sitting before I had to lie down, now I can sit for an hour (with discomfort, but not pain). It still hurts while I walk but now it's more like pressure than being hit with pain, my head instead takes the hit. If I try to run, I get intense pain and pressure in my head, and it extends to my neck as well.

I think I did something okay along the way, maybe few mistakes. There's probably more than one problem with my muscles, I suspect, and I hope I will find ways to resolve them one by one. I even thought for a second that I maybe lack collagen because I'm vegan but then when I looked it up, it's something body produces by itself and doesn't need a supplement. So it's just a big mystery at this point. I still blame that tree-falling accident because this wasn't going on beforehand.

[horrorsequel]

me when i realize something i said off hand could be construed as being spiteful or angry and i have to crawl into a hole where no one can perceive me

not to be all TELL ME I'M GOOD but god every time i am forced to have self awareness i want to explode and erase my entire existence from history. why am i fucking LIKE this lol. i'm just a normal guy who is annoying sometimes and that's fucking fine. literally everyone is annoying sometimes that doesn't make me evil evil evil and universally hated. and yet it FEELS that way and i need to confess abt it and make some fucking PENANCE with uh idk. the universe. fuck why am i even talking. but i don't know where else to say the words and i HAVE to say them FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCJkdfskljas

[waitingforminjae]

i think lee seunggi coming out abt hook only now, eighteen years after their abuse started, does offer a unique perspective in the sense that it shows just how thoroughly it affects a person, especially if they were a child when it started. like even though someone may be 35 years old now and able to put words to what they experienced and knows it was wrong, and have removed themselves from that abusive relationship, doesn’t mean its affects just magically go away.

[swankpalanquin]

i need to figure out a way where i don't have to stand in the cold for ten to fifteen minutes each morning because the transport app thinks my ride is one minute away for a period of time way longer than a minute

[desertcrater]

wilson is diabolical in s3 ep2, especially because a few episodes prior its established that he eats neediness. if someone becomes independent from him, he can't stand it. typically this means he divorces them; but since house isn't his husband, this time it means he instigates house's psychosomatic depression.

both cuddy and cameron are on Team Tell House He Didn't Fuck Up, because they know house is on a quiet downward spiral. they know his leg pain's severity is tied to his self-worth/mental state.

but wilson? Mr I-Pathologically-Need-To-Be-Needed Wilson? he frames his Don't Tell House position as "teaching House humility" when really his motive is to get house back on vicodin and reliant on him. he even tosses a full vicodin pill bottle at house, claiming that it's so house doesn't skip rehab due to the pain. but if that were the case, why not give house something non-addictive? something OTC or non-restricted?

and i think there is an additional aspect in s3 ep1, too. house says he doesn't remember wilson "being this bitchy", and wilson replies that "the vicodin dulled it. in the sober light of day, i'm a buzzkill."

which could just be a dry humor remark, sure, but i think it highlights that their dynamic's going to change now that house is sober. and if their dynamic changes, it could threaten their weird codependent ecosystem that they live in. one where they both tolerate/exacerbate each other's worst qualities (house's misery and wilson's bitchiness). who will love me like he loves me? who will love him like i love him?

this is exemplified in that same episode. wilson shoots house down multiple times when house says he's a changed man, by replying: "no, house, you aren't."

wilson does this manipulative thing where on one hand, he's encouraging house to get better; yet on the other hand, he undermines any true progress. there is something so deeply wrong with wilson. he's so fearful of losing the codependency in his relationship with house, that he'll do anything to keep their fragile Boy Best Friend Status Quo. and that includes outright lying to house & actively sabotaging his rehab.

that also includes manipulating cuddy and cameron into keeping quiet. ironically, he's only able to do so because of his Boy Best Friend relationship to house. after all, who knows house better than wilson? who would know how to make house feel better more than wilson? who would know how to make house feel worse more than wilson? nobody loves house like wilson

[luveline]

idk if you would write for this I checked your guidelines and wasn’t sure but I would LOVE a pregnancy scare with Aaron (May be reader is younger than him?)! And she’s just panicked bc he’s older and already has a kid and etc and the test can be pos or neg totally up to you!

thank you for requesting! 1.3k, fem (possibly) pregnant!reader

cw reader's and hotch's attitude towards pregnancy is mostly positive

Your period is twelve days late. 

That is not a small amount of time. 

You don't notice it at first, and when you do you figure it's a few extra days without an irksome pain, a balm to soothe the ache of your absent boyfriend and a hard job, but when Aaron comes home from a case and you still haven't started your period, the panic begins to set in. 

You have a hard time keeping things from him for obvious reasons. His being a human lie detector felt fascinating when you first met, but now it's making things worse. You would've liked some time to yourself for denial, only he can always tell when something is wrong, though it's clear to you he's not sure exactly what it is. He'll realise eventually, you know. 

"Let's go to the store," he suggests, his hand flirting with the back of your neck. "You always feel better after a sweet treat." 

You've been to the store today, unbeknownst to him, for some emotional support chocolates and a small box you'd rather not think about. You'd hoped that he might get called away to give you time to open it, but without him you're not sure you have the strength. 

You hadn't expected to feel this way. You want desperately to tell him, but you're just so, so scared. 

"I don't feel like going anywhere." 

He hums as his hand moves to your shoulder, squeezing a loving path down to your hand. Jack bangs a toy down in his bedroom across the way, and the washing machine spinning from the utility closet sounds louder than it ever has before, like a rocket about to erupt. You don't know what it is that gets you, but suddenly you're overwhelmed, a confession stuck in the back of your throat as Aaron meets your panicked gaze. 

"What's wrong?" he asks. "Here, honey, sit down." 

He guides you to a kitchen chair. 

"What's wrong?" he asks again, bending at the waist. 

Your head rushes with white noise for a second. You wet your chapped lips with the tip of your tongue; you've missed your period, but it isn't that alone that scares you. Perhaps in an instance of a psychosomatic symptom, you feel weird, other. Something has changed. And you're starting to feel sick. 

"Aaron, I don't know what to do," you say. 

His eyes widen with an expression you don't often see. "Has something happened?" 

It's so, so hard to say. "I think I've messed up." 

"Not in any way I can't fix." 

"Maybe I have," you say miserably, panic hot behind your eyes. 

He shakes his head. "You haven't. I swear you haven't. Please, tell me what's wrong before I have a heart attack." 

You can't say it while he's looking at you, and when you do it's hardly audible. "I think I'm pregnant," you breathe. 

Aaron pauses. You can't even raise your head, anxiety its own heartbeat and nausea rising fast. You let out a gasp you'd held in and try to calm down, even while every little part of you worries about what he's going to say. 

You don't know if you want to be pregnant, or have a baby, but you know it would probably break your heart just a touch if Aaron didn't want to have one with you. You're not sure why. And Jack is a beautiful kid but he's growing up. Aaron isn't young. 

"How sure are you?" he asks, tone completely measured. 

"I… I feel it," you say. "I know that's stupid… 'N my period is really late, nearly two weeks now." 

"You feel it?" 

"I feel sick." Your elbows on your thighs and the backs of your hands pressed to your eyes, you curl in on yourself. "I'm so scared." 

"You're scared?" Hands on your forearms. Aaron gets down on his knees in front of your chair and rubs fondness into your skin, his voice a soothing, familiar comfort as he says, "Sweetheart, you have nothing to be scared of. Don't be scared. I'm right here." 

Tears like a shock, relief and horror mixed into one. "I'm so stupid, I haven't even taken the test yet, I don't know why I'm acting this way." 

"We all react differently to foreign situations than how we might imagine. What's important now is that you take a breath, because otherwise you'll panic." 

While you're afraid of what he's thinking, you trust him implicitly. "Okay." 

"Okay," he says, pulling your hands away from your face. "Just breathe, honey." 

He's more patient than you knew another person could be. He wipes your straggling tears with his hand without a word, his breath coming in even inhales and exhales for you to follow. The small spike of panic swiftly melds to plain old tears. You're embarrassed. You're unhappy. You and Aaron certainly weren't trying for this occasion. 

"What are you scared of?" he asks eventually. 

"Of you. Of what you're thinking, and– and what if I– I mean, what if I'm pregnant?" you ask, as though pregnant is a new word. When you said it at first, you'd meant, what if we end up having a baby together? But now you're more inclined to think about the process itself. What if you're physically pregnant? 

"Well, you have absolutely no reason to be scared of me. I love you." Aaron puts his hand just under your ear, his thumb to your cheek. "Whatever happens. Nothing else matters to me besides you." 

"Because you want a baby," you say unhappily. 

"Who says I don't?" He smiles at you softly. "I think we should've had this conversation a long time ago, but the long and short of it is that I love you. I love you and I'll do what you need me to." 

"I figured you'd be done having babies," you say, still hesitant. 

"Evidently not." He laughs, and you laugh back and he acts like you've hung the moon. "If you're scared of being pregnant, maybe you should take the test before you wind yourself up, hm?" 

"I guess I'm acting pretty silly, huh?" you ask, sniffling and wiping your eyes, the two of you caught in breathy laughter again. 

"Hormonal, maybe," he says. "Don't be scared. I don't want you to be scared." 

"What do you want?" you ask. 

"I just want you to stop crying. It's not right…" He strokes your damp cheek. "If I'm honest? If you take that test, and you aren't pregnant, or if you don't want to have a baby," —his face is calm, a small smile playing on his lips— "then I don't want you to, either." 

"But if I am?" you ask. 

"Then I will be so, so happy, because it's you." 

A missed period isn't necessarily indicative of pregnancy, and you could be freshly pregnant or four whole weeks and the test could still come out negative. Maybe your weird feeling is indigestion. Whatever happens, you really believe that the man in front of you is here for whatever answer you find. 

"I love you."

"I love you, too," he says, bone deep sincerity turned to something lighter, fondly teasing as he lifts himself up and hugs you close. "You know that." 

You let him hold you for a little while, calming down, looking at the positives and all your options. "You think Jack would be happy?" 

"He'd love a brother or sister… eventually." 

You wipe your tears and runny nose in his shirt and he does you the generosity of pretending not to notice. If you are going to have anyone's baby, you'd want it to be his. 

[i-dont-talk-for-days-on-end]

And here it is that I miss my Watson. By cunning questions and ejaculations of wonder he could elevate my simple art, which is but systematized common sense, into a prodigy.

HOLMES. He has done it again. This reminds me so much of the beginning of the story where he writes:

The good Watson had at that time deserted me for a wife, the only selfish action which I can recall in our association. I was alone.

In both cases, the longer sentence could technically be read as criticism (or a compliment!) or irony, thus taking away some if the rawness of "I was alone" and "And here it is that I miss my Watson".

But. But then Holmes says "my Watson" (an expression he uses often!) which is so clearly indicating that they still belong together, Watson may be married but he's still Holmes's Watson, at least in Holmes's thoughts ... And although he has brought his strange new doctor friend, he could not replace his Watson or even only his unique skill set.

This is often a feature of the cases, but I also think it's weird how abruptly the story is over. Clearly, for Holmes it's Case Closed - end of narrative. But the thing that strikes me is that we don't learn anything about Dodd's reaction. Won't he be overjoyed to learn he will be reunited with his friend? (No, because there is no reunion between Holmes and Watson.) And why is there no real conclusion, only the suggestion that the symptoms might be psychosomatic?

But is it coincidence? Are there not subtle forces at work of which we know little? Are we assured that the apprehension from which this young man has no doubt suffered terribly since his exposure to its contagion may not produce a physical effect which simulates that which it fears?

This case openly suggests a psychological explanation, and sorry, I can't stop think about the Holmes/Watson mirror (Emsworth was shot in the shoulder), and how Watson is married and how Holmes is alone ... And society keeps them apart, because no matter whether they were in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship, for two bachelors to live together for so long must have been a bit suspicious (and let's not forget the "combination of events, into which I need not enter,").

This story's leitmotif is the search for a lost friend, and the whole last paragraph seems to me to speak of how internalised prejudice makes you sick. We never see the social outcast who was shunned by society because of a alleged "disease" actually return to a regular life. We don't know if it will be possible. Holmes will certainly go home alone.

Oh, I really wonder what Watson thought when he read all that.

[kitkatperce]

hey guys kuzaang headcanons.

(most found in my dc server........) 1; ok this MAY seem stupid though i Dont Care if anyone here thinks it is but avatars have like dreams of their memories from their past lives and can get like something close to psychosomatic pain ? The Point is aang getting these nightmares and crap at a sleepover w kuzon nd kuzon comforts him after cuz he woke kuzon up by screaming 2; kuzon would have loved the marble trick (which was replied to with 'kuzon would go beast mode over the marble trick actually' by tumblr user meeyow4419 which i think explains it very well very true.) 3; kuzon cant cook for shit 4; kuzon did NOt believe whatever sozin was sending out he gave each newspaper the stink eye. 5; kuzon taught aang all the fire nation dances and bumi cheered them on in the bg 6; bumi was definitely their wing man 7; we all know therescultural differences between the 4 nations. what i need to see is kuzon explaining things of rthe fire nation that aang doesnt understand and vice versa 8; kuzon kissing each and every one of aangs arrows. thank you 9; physical touch. slinging an arm over each others shoulder, hugging, kissing, holding hands, holding arms, laying on top of each other, putting legs over each other legs, touching knees, standing close to each other, kuzon doesn't know what personal space is!, kicking the others foot to get their attention, leaning into each others space, aang doing/playing with kuzons hair, falling asleep on each other, and more. they are really big on physical affection 10; dancing. just dancing I don't feel the need to elaborate. at festivals, in the kitchen, in the middle of a forest, wherever. just dancing 11; they frequently send letters to each other, and when they started dating there was an occasional love letter in there. 12; kuzaang kinda just happened they never actually were like. date me. they just. started dating I guess. they don't even know when it occured 13: drool when they sleep. 14; they also uh. cuddle when they sleep. kuzons woken up with a wet shirt more than once. he gets embarrassed when he realizes he drooled on his pillow the whole night. actually have an art piece 4 this! https://www.tumblr.com/kitkatperce/748416474997260288/wow-this-is-gay

15; promises that sound oddly like wedding vows. 16; hip hip hooray!!! x LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (after their first kiss) 17; moles x freckles 18; they share their food w each other. aang splits a lot of fruits (its usually an orange because he somehow always has one on hand) 19; aang gets very giggly and avoids eye contact after like. they kiss on the lips even once. 20; they both still blush like madmen with any physical affection 21; uncontrollable laughter 22; they don't care what time it is if the other is upset they r GOING to comfort them 23; aang sending super intense vibes to kuzon so he dreams of them sharing a sandwich together (im jk) 24; devotion. yeah ur my bsf ofc im in love with you and will find you and hang out with you in every universe. lets kiss 25; they both yap a whole lot but when it comes down to it kuzon loves to listen to aang blabber about absolutely nothing and everything at the same time 26; cheesy nicknames 27; air nomads dont marry but aang doesnt actually mind if kuzon is like 'my husband' or whatever he thinks its super endearing. some ppl say they are too young for marriage and aang has to explain tho LMAO 28; idiots doing idiotic things. get down from that tall ass mountain 29; aang likes to fidget with kuzons hands. kuzon lets him

[halfagone]

So in the new DP graphic novel, it’s confirmed that Dan is barely weaker then Clockwork, assuming Danny is half as powerful as he is, does that help the theory that Danny is stronger then Superman?

SPOILERS FOR THE DANNY PHANTOM GRAPHIC NOVEL A GLITCH IN TIME

I will be leaving the rest of this response under the cut nonetheless, just to cover my bases.

I do own the graphic novel myself (I've read it multiple times, every time within half an hour lol) and I don't actually know if it's been confirmed how powerful he is? Obviously he does manage to best Clockwork the first time, although they inevitably break apart between Vlad and Danny's best efforts. But I don't know if that's simply because Dan is just that powerful or because of his nature in general. Let me give you an excerpt of what I'm thinking about:

Page 162, from Clockwork himself:

"He's been outside the timestream too long. His structural integrity has been compromised."

Of course the GN (I will be using this going forward to refer to the graphic novel, just so you know) also gave us a bunch of new DP lore about ghosts and what gives them powers. And from my understanding of the GN, ghostly powers (perhaps halfas specifically, if you'd prefer to headcanon it that way) are based entirely on a person's emotional and mental state of mind. Much like Jazz pointed out in the GN, it could be a psychosomatic response.

Therefore, it's very likely that whether Danny is more powerful than Superman is entirely based upon Danny's mental health at the exact point in time they fight. It could literally change during their fight, even. They could fight three different times and one time end up with a clear Danny win, one time a clear Superman win, and once an even tie.

To a degree, it could be argued that it helps the theory that Danny is more powerful than Superman. In another perspective, it could be argued that it doesn't prove anything at all. It's rather hard to tell because the writing of the show in general has always kinda gone up and down in terms of Danny's power level. And when you're talking about crossovers that have never actually interacted in official media (physical paperback, webcomics, animation, live-action, whatever you might consider a canon crossover), it makes it all that much harder to say.

I remember once upon a time a similar argument was making its rounds on Tumblr, and someone mentioned something Stan Lee once said. I couldn't repeat it to you verbatim, but it was something about how it depends entirely on the author on what character wins in a fight. A simpler, more straight-forward way of saying that it would probably be: Plot Armor. It's all about plot armor.

A more complicated response would be: how does the surrounding context of this fight affect the battle in question? Are either of them brainwashed, being puppeteered? Do they really want to fight or are they doing so against either or both of their wills? How do their morals affect their efforts? Or their relationship with the person in question?

After all, in a fic where Danny and Clark are good friends or even father and son, Clark would be a lot more hesitant to fight and possibly injure Danny in comparison to a situation where Danny is more like Dan- largely without morals and regrets- or where Clark is more like the Injustice Lord version of himself. All these things really affect the overall course of the fight.

(A lot of it does come down to plot armor, or just plot in general. I could have Clark go all out, use the power of the sun to totally blow Danny apart, but at the end of the day if I want Clark to die, he is going to Die.)

I know this is long-winded, and maybe only slightly answers your question? But the subject is rather complicated and there's no one clearcut answer and I thought it was better to expand on it than just dismiss it with a simplistic answer. <3

[xenodelic]

Physical Shifting: An Alternate Perspective

We had a discussion recently with a fellow alterhuman who was struggling to find a term to accurately describe the types of shifts they experience. And as they explained, they made some excellent points about the way that community terminology around shifting intentionally excludes any mention of the physical aspects whatsoever.

And this, of course, is for understandable reasons. P-shifting groups have been known to use the promise of transformation to control and manipulate others. Thus "physical shifting" has become inextricably associated with the act of something that is widely understood to be impossible - that being the complete and utter alteration of one's entire anatomy (or at least of significant parts of the body).

There have been many descriptions of the different types of shifts that alterhumans can experience; mental, phantom, sensory, spiritual, etc (as well as the lesser known berserker and vardjur shifts).

But something we've noticed that the community has shied away from describing some of the ways that shifting can impact your physical body. Some examples may include:

Goosebumps / body hair standing on end

Pupils dilating or constricting

Muscles tensing, twitching, involuntary movements

Changes in voice or vocalizations (even vocalizing in registers that are not normally accessible)

Changes in sensory perception (more focused hearing or sight, more sensitive to touch, even sometimes loss of certain senses)

Soreness or aching due to human posture that does not align with one's alterhuman body type

Changes in breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, etc

And this is a non-exhaustive list! All of these are "side effects" that can come about from several types of shifts, in varying intensities.

And these are actual, physiological changes that are happening in the body as a result of a shift. Most may be psychosomatic, but that doesn't mean they are not "real" - in fact, many are quite easy to observe and document.

To be clear: These sorts of side effects have been talked about plenty. Its not that they are never discussed, its that people seem hesitant to call them what they are: Physical. Real, observable, physical changes of the body.

And while they may be connected to other types of shifts, they are not solely psychological or spiritual. We are being of flesh and blood after all, and the things we experience in our hearts and minds are rarely totally separate from our bodies.

And to be completely honest, I think the only reason we stray away from describing these shifts as physical is because of the actions of certain p-shifting groups. But I don't think we should let the behavior of some people stop us from accurately describing our experiences.

So why not call it what it is? Shifts that result in these sort of effects ARE physical (in some capacity). Perhaps if we want to be more specific, we could call them physiological shifts, or psychosomatic shifts. But either way, we're not going to shy away from it. We experience physical changes in our body as a result of our alterhuman identities - and we're going to call it what it is!

[astroyongie]

Monsta X March Reading 2024

note: Please take it lightly

Shownu

Love: So i am here to confirm that Shownu is dating and that it does seem like his relationship is going through that change like in january. I believe that they took a step further in their relationship (either engagement, going to live together, ect). in any case he is happy and working for it 

Career: his career is also going well, he has the right people around him and he trusts his managers to take care of anything that is related to his image and his idol life. Shownu is basically chilling and living peacefully 

Self: overall he is happy, he is content. His mental health is going well and so does his physical health. Shownu is embodying happiness 

Minhyuk

Love: The complications within his relationships are still present. Minhyuk and his partner still have communication issues and they often don't understand each other due to that. there’s disagreements and arguments but yet none seem to want to abandon the relationship. 

Career: He might be having some issues with one of his managers. This is mostly authority issues, probably because the manager has a strong presence and Minhyuk didn't like the fact that the manager was ordering him around. 

Self: he is physically and mentally okay. Minhyuk, despite the chaos, lives a chill life and he tries not to stress on things and instead focus on progress. 

Kihyun

Love: Kihyun is still dating the same person he was dating in january. It seems like their issues have died down and that things are way more calm and stable. they have both set boundaries and understanding on what they wanted the relationship to be. 

Career: I believe that Kihyun is having  a hard time at the moment when it comes to his career. the group is still not completed, the schedules and comebacks are a little confusing and all of his solo projects are either delayed or canceled which makes him frustrated. he feels like he's losing money 

Self: he has been struggling with his mental health a lot lateçy. From what I can see, Kihyun has had some difficulties sleeping, and most nights are restless. He is also rather anxious, sometimes has sadness attached to him and he is overly stressed out. 

Hyungwon

Love: His relationship is still going intact, and they are both happy and going forward. there is not much to say about it since everything seem to be doing well and the deck isn't providing any info other than that 

Career: Hyungwon is equally experiencing a set back but mostly due to his finance background, i believe that his paychecks are smaller than what they used to be which makes him anxious and also become greedy with money

Self: He is going through a tough period physically. his body seems to be tired and more fragile than what it was and that's because he experienced a lot of psychosomatic symptoms. he needs to lay back a little and enjoy more instead of stressing out on everything

Jooheon

Love: Jooheon seems to have solved his inner conflicts and his mistrust with his partner. at the pent they seem to be together and doing good. i dont seen any jealousy of paranoid thoughts since they have been together lately and also working together on issues to avoid such conflicts 

Career: His career is also feeling a little more fragile (perhaps due to the military situation). there isn't much to say since there isn't much happening in that area of his life 

Self: Joohen is someone that is learning a lot about himself at the moment. I think going to the military really is helping him grow as a man but also as a person inside and out. He is finding new forces within himself and new goals. He is overall okay with his health as well. 

Changkyun

Love: He is still in his relationship and things seem to be going okay for now. There's a lot of passion, a lot of love and desire. slough it does feel like Changkyun is searching for more and has ideals, it also feels like things are going well and that its just his emotions pouring out at the moment 

Career: His career is a little blocked. Kyun had some ideas for what he wanted to do next with his music but I don't think that the company approved it since it was too much of a change from his idol image and they didn't think this would work. at the moment he is trying to figure things out and sticking to his usual image and music 

Self: He is okay physically but just like Hyungwon he suffers from a lot of psychosomatic symptoms. I also think this is due to his inner conflicts and his own disagreements with his values and with things around him. his environment isn't the most healthy

[disabled-is-not-a-dirty-word]

Hey hey! I dunno if you saw, but Chronic Fatigue Syndrome just got mentioned in a study that confirms its biological impacts.

https://www.sciencealert.com/landmark-study-confirms-chronic-fatigue-syndrome-is-unambiguously-biological

Very interesting! Not at all surprising though. This is obviously a fairly small sample size (17 subjects), but I think it definitely calls for further study.

I don't know how people can look at people with ME / CFS and NOT think that there is some underlying physical cause for the condition. So many previously active and healthy people have been, both literally and metaphorically, knocked to their knees by this illness. Diana Cowern's (Physics Girl on YouTube) struggle with ME / CFS after a covid infection, for example, was heartbreaking to watch. I had been watching her channel on and off for many years, and seeing her go from bubbly and vibrant to suddenly having difficulty speaking or even lifting her head... I don't know how anyone can see such a transformation and say that it's "all in your head."

Even so, people need to remember that even if an illness IS psychosomatic, that doesn't mean that no physical problem is present. Just because a problem is presenting itself indirectly doesn't mean that the problem doesn't exist.

[ink-asunder]

I don't want to tell my doctors how my life's gotten so much worse, because I'm afraid they'll ramp up their efforts again when I think the real answer is to stop medicalizing me so much.

Stop putting me on a daily dosage of meds that cause nausea. Stop upping the doseage of a drug that makes my memory and psychosis worse. Stop adding medications and supplements to my daily routine as a "preventative" or "treatment" measure. Stop putting me on drugs that cause blood clots and brain fog and migraines. Stop adding vitamins that aggravate my digestive disease. Stop fucking with the dosage of the infusion drug that makes my bones deteriorate at a concerning rate for a 25 year old.

I'm getting to the point where all of my issues are iatrogenic at this point. Spodylosis in my entire spine from my chemo drug. Water retention from the medication used to treat the spondylosis. Frequent ulcers and flareups from the vitamins used to prevent UTIs from that water retention. Nausea, brain fog, hallucinations, mood disorder, poor appetite, and constant highs and drowsiness from the drug used to treat those flareups. Migraines and panic attacks from the medication used to treat the nausea. More flareups and internal bleeding from the migraine medication--that I can't take more than twice a week or for up to 2 weeks before my procedures because it causes bleeding risks. And I don't even want to talk about what the back injections for my spondylosis do to me.

I remember people complaining to me about how doctors throw way too many meds at you when your sick--all to treat side effects from other meds. But I didn't Have this problem when I was 15. At my peak sickest, I was only taking 6 medications, and that included my rescue meds And my chemo drug. My body has started to generate psychosomatic problems because of the stress and trauma of being overmedicalized and I'm at the point where I'm just ignoring my body and waiting a few days before doing anything because my body is just faking at this point. Medical PTSD is a hell of an experience on its own, and I kinda wish more people understood what it felt like having your own physical body try to compulsively retraumatize itself via psychosomatic symptoms because apparently perpetuating your trauma is easier than going to therapy and acknowledging that you're being traumatized.

[cleric4vampire]

21, 22 and 30 for your durge c:

thank you so much!! <3

21. What are 2-3 songs that your Dark Urge would relate to?

You are a hero to me for asking this hahaha I already answered it but this is the perfect excuse to ramble on about more songs 😌 When theorizing or writing about durge!Aune, I choose to characterize the Dark Urge as a mostly seperate entity that exists within her. (I love how there are so many different ways for different players to envision the Urge itself, whether it's an external being or synonymous with your character.) Since waking on the beach, Aune is pretty damn traumatized by her violent thoughts and desires. Her method of coping with it is to seperate her conscious thought from this entity. (Of course, that comes with a whole host of problems as well.) She spends the journey constantly questioning if there really is this malign force inside of her, or if it's just been her the entire time. When she's really lost in the sauce (so to speak lol; sauce in this case being blood), the two internal voices merge together as one. It's interesting because it seems "healthier" in a lot of ways; there's less discord and disconnect going on in her brain, at least until the ecstasy of the moment wears off. (An interesting conversation to be had about responsibility & guilt & exactly how much Durge is bound to their darker desires.) ANYWAAAYS here are some songs that I think encapsulate the above very well:

Honeywell by Clem Turner is what I imagine the Urge telling Aune soon after waking; an introduction of sorts, and a seductive pleading to let the Urge fully integrate with Aune. Mm, here I am to bring Psychosomatic freedom to your head May I be of service, newlywed? See me as a host to all your greatest dreams [...] I may not be of great design but I can offer some advice Keep yourself inside the ride or else you'll lose your mind [...] I may not be of stable mind But I can promise that you're mine Trust my voice inside your head Take me with you instead [...] May I be of use? May I creep into your open hand And bid you take me to the grave? [...] Get it through your pretty head Take me with you instead Forget her, she's gone Forgive me, dear stranger Now, turn me back on

The Culling by Chelsea Wolfe is when the border between Aune and the Urge are less discernible; I picture this as a conversation between the two except you don't know who is talking at any given time. (It's also a pretty good representation of how the Urge talks about/to Astarion.) Dead eyes, I only call you when you’re in my dreams Died too young, the culling then, it was obscene I am depleted by love I am depleted by love I’ll never tell the secrets of my family Bled out, a cult of anonymity The kettle is wheeling, my love Riding on the back of a hell they caused One ear to the ground One eye on the room My tongue on your pulse My finger in your wound Sweet dead eyes, I long to hear you again Sweet dead eyes, I long to see your face Sweet dead eyes, I long for that illustrious hiss Sweet dead eyes, I know you feel it No turning back, only God knows what we're headed for The flowers bloom, the sun rises

All Things Devour by aeseaes is Aune reflecting on the destruction the Urge leaves in its wake. Drying, dusty / Heart beside me Dead streets carving / Bitter bright wings Worms and spiders / Spin inside her Like the story / Make me holy This thing all things devours This thing all things devours Devours This thing, taker / Pollinator Starving flowers / Hear them howling (Yes, this song references Gollum's riddle on time!) I really like this one because it speaks on the inevitability of time, of death and decay — forces that are significant to Aune as a spore druid. But there's an ominous or gloomy quality to the song (to me, anyway). The repetition of "devours"; the significance of "taker"; the mention of "pollinator" is perhaps uplifting, but it is immediately replaced by the image of "'starving' flowers 'howling'". Aune is a servant to life, death, decay, and rebirth, meaning she has a unique outlook on things that others might find upsetting. But the Urge takes and takes and takes and gives nothing in return. There is no rebirth. It's unnatural and disruptive. She doesn't want to be the champion of wanton violence or the bringer of perverse death.

22. What first impression does your Dark Urge give off to strangers?

Scary, off-putting, intimidating, dark, sad. She's always wearing dark, muted colors, if not an outfit of all black. Aune's neutral expression is a scowl or a frown and she doesn't smile or laugh in public (at first, because she doesn't remember how; later, because she thinks it's too vulnerable). She's also got an aura about her that is just straight up unsettling (it's the spores). Most people are either intimidated or frightened of her, but if you move past that and spend five minutes around her, it doesn't take much to realize she's just a sad person/clearly suffering through something. (Aune is our precious little edgelord who is not really an edgelord; she doesn't know how to deal with her BIG feelings is all.)

30. What are your Dark Urge’s intentions/goals after the end of the game?

I'm still in Act Two so I have no idea! 😅 Hopefully there's some peace and happiness in her future...

[cozza-frenzy]

can you do some doodles of your inner world and maybe describe it? Also what do all the details in your guy's outfits mean.

Terry: Anon you have no idea how long I've waited for someone to ask this question. I already have a few drawings prepared, so let's start with where I'm currently standing - the fronting room! Our inner world is surprisingly complex, and our home is on a dragon-shaped airship - soon to be re-christened The Spirit Of Highwind - and the room we're in while fronting is in the head.

The black circle on the floor is the "fronting circle"; if someone's standing within that area, they're actively in control of all or part of the body. The red couch is where we can sit if we want to when using the "fronting desk" and its floating screens, though we can also stand up or even lay down. We're on the upper deck, and on the lower deck (not pictured here) is a spiral staircase leading upstairs (on the left) and a second couch with a fireplace (on the right). If the doors to the left and the right look out of place - that's because they kind of are. They're not part of the airship but are actually a part of The Distortion - a normally-invisible "layer" of the word that connects all other areas together via doors, controlled by Chaos, our gatekeeper. It put them there as permanent doors so folks in other areas don't have to ask for one every time they want to front. Up ahead of us where we're "parked" right now is the Everfree Forest (the normal-looking trees) and the Deep Woods. The Deep Woods creates its own eternal night under the giant tree; growing in various places up the trunk and in the canopy are Stars Of Hope, a glowing flower that you see almost everywhere in the Inner World.

The glowing stuff below is the Agua Vida; water that spills from Soda Lake, up in the caldera of Mount Discovery. Hope takes many physical forms in our inner world, and the Agua Vida is a potent source of it, having been recently adopted by the rest of the system as a daily supplement. Like a psychosomatic vitamin, adding it to a drink helps restore our energy, keeping us focused on healing. We want to try and use it on the vegetables in the Community Garden (just outside where the ship is "parked") one of these days.

Here's a view of Soda Lake and Mount Discovery from above - based on an in-system pencil sketch I made. Following our mass fusion the inner world changed a lot, so this area (and the internal part of the Deep Woods) are "cut off" from Chaos' Distortion until they're "re-discovered". From what i could tell from flying the airship over it, there's a solidified lava floe down the east side, and water is flowing out of the lake towards the south. We'll get there eventually; for now, most of us are content to stay closer to home as we recover. I just hope the plants and animals native to those areas have survived. That's the main part of our inner world covered at least - while most of us have "domains" of our own that we control access to, after the recent mass fusion, a lot of us aren't able to let other alters in or simply can't remember what the places look like once we leave. Given enough time, this stuff should come "back online" much like our broken fast-travel system. As for the "details on our outfits" - not everything in our PFPs necessarily means something, and we can change outfits in system. I like my hat and I like loud shirts, Vivien's shirt is the CMYK colors used in printing, Roses and Thirteen have each other's colors on their pictures because they're in a Queerplatonic relationship.

But I guess one thing that has been appearing a lot in system after our mass fusion is the Compass Rose. You can see it on the floor of the fronting room, on Dagwood's bowtie and Taffy's cape - Roses has it as part of a tattoo on her arm, and I have it as a marking on my back between my wings. I'm not sure why our brain has such an attachment to the symbol, but I like to think it's something to do with moving forward and being pointed in the right direction.

...Or maybe it's just a SAVE point. Knowing that Undertale left such a huge impression on our system fills you with Determination.

[unhonestlymirror]

After my coming out, mom subscribed me to a group "About Sex". If only you knew what kind of questions people ask there, you would never be scared of sex ever. XD

"Good evening. After 2 months of dating, a man invited me to his place for a sleepover 🙈 After the divorce, I didn’t sleep in the same bed with anyone for a year.. How to relieve tension? What to expect? Thank you in advance. :)"

Comments:

"Ah, bragging again.🙄 Та шо ж таке."

"I guess he called you not just for sleeping together 😅"

"I haven’t slept with your man before, so I don’t even know what to advise."

"- I think more about the fact that I snore 🤣🤣🤣"

- According to psychosomatics, snoring is an unspoken thing. That is, a person has accumulated unspoken things, and in order not to get sick because of this, the psyche gets rid of the energy of unspoken things by snoring. That's why they don't like snorers. Who would like a person who speaks freely?) Solution: get rid of unspokenness. For example, by speaking out loud 133 times, and then as needed: I release the unspokenness and its stresses."

- What needs to be said 133 times? I thought I just had apnea.

- My husband has been snoring for the entire 22 years that I have been living with him. But during the day his mouth does not close, he constantly chatters. How much longer does he need to speak out?)))"

"Don’t forget to say before going to bed: “I’m going to bed in a new place, the bridegroom is dreaming about the bride"

"It is advisable not to eat legumes for dinner so that there are no explosions 😂 everything else will work out on its own 😁"

"- Have you already advised to drink a bottle of champagne? :D

- It also makes you gas.

- After 2 bottles, it doesn’t matter anymore 😄"